#but i wanted to draw my kagehina | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lys-9-10 · 11 months ago

Text

In Which Yachi Ships Kagehina _ Edited

So I changed the first kiss scene in my most popular work b/c it was actually really problematic. Yikes, dunno what I was thinking. Mea culpa. Excerpt below or read the full work here. ***

The vice-like grip of Kageyama’s arms loosens when he falls asleep, so Hinata is able to un-smush his face from the setter's chest. He doesn’t want to pull away too much… Just enough so that he can look up at Kageyama.

His setter looks different in sleep. The deep vertical frown line that seemed to be permanently etched between his eyebrows is absent. It makes his face look oddly smooth and soft. Hinata likes it.

He wriggles one arm out of Kageyama’s grasp. His setter stirs but doesn’t wake. Hinata raises his hand to Kageyama’s face. Slowly, delicately, he touches a single finger to that spot where the frown line used to be. Kageyama hums in his sleep and Hinata feels something flutter in his chest.

He finds himself smiling. Just a small smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth. Pulling his hand away from Kageyama’s face, he touches his fingers to his own lips, feeling the smile there. Then his eyes go to Kageyama's lips.

They're relaxed, not twisted in a scowl. It makes Kageyama look so peaceful. So... sweet.

Hinata finds himself leaning closer to those lips... They feel magnetic. Like they’re drawing him in. They make him wanna... wanna...

Hinata gasps. In a panicked flurry of limbs, he pushes himself off of Kageyama, tumbles feet over head, and lands hard on his butt.

Kageyama grunts. Hinata freezes. His heart pounds furiously in his chest as the setter stirs... and sits up, rubbing his eyes.

“What is it now, dumbass?” Kageyama sighs.

Hinata shakes his head so furiously he thinks he might break his neck. “N-nothing! Nothing happened! I didn’t—I’m totally not—Nothing, it’s nothing, nothing’s going on!”

Kageyama’s brow furrows in confusion. And then a flicker of concern enters his eyes. “... Are you okay?”

Hinata flushes. “Yes! Yes of course. Why wouldn’t I be? Nothing... nothing weird happened...” Nothing weird happened. He totally didn’t just experience a surge of desire to kiss Kageyama. Why would he even want to do that? That would be... ridiculous... That could mess everything up. No. Hinata totally doesn’t want to kiss Kageyama. Totally, totally not...

Kageyama is still frowning at him and Hinata is not mourning the loss of that smooth, relaxed brow he had during his sleep. He’s not fighting the urge to crawl towards Kageyama and take his face in his hands and kiss away the frown lines...

“Did you have a nightmare or something?” Kageyama asks. His voice is low and concerned. It makes Hinata’s heart hiccup in his chest.

“Wh-what?” he stammers breathlessly.

Kageyama scratches awkwardly behind his ear. “It’s okay if you did,” he says. “You don't have to be embarrassed or anything. I, um, sometimes have nightmares too.”

Hinata’s heart somersaults.

Damn. Dammit. Why is Kageyama picking now of all times to be all weird and mushy and sweet? As if it wasn’t bad enough to watch him sleep so sweetly and peacefully... This is just really, really messing with his head...

Kageyama coughs. His eyes shift to the side. “Um. If it would help, you can...” Kageyama opens his arms and sort of gestures at his own chest. “Come back here. If you want.”

Hinata squawks. He feels the blood rushing to his face. And then he feels the terror closing in on his throat. Kageyama must know. He must be making fun of him. That’s why he’s inviting Hinata to cuddle. He’s mocking him. He knows Hinata wants to kiss him and now he’s mocking him...

“Shut up, Bakageyama,” Hinata croaks. He hopes Kageyama can’t hear the quiver in his voice. “You’re so stupid!”

Kageyama blinks. And then, anger hardens across his face. “What the hell, dumbass,” Kageyama hisses. “I’m just trying to help you.”

Hinata feels his own anger flare up. It’s easier to be angry than afraid and overwhelmed and distraught and a hundred other emotions that he isn’t prepared to deal with right now.

“No you’re not!” Hinata shouts, his fists clenching. “You’re just being stupid!” He hates how uncreative his insults are right now, but it’s hard to be creative when you feel like your heart is climbing up your throat and plugging your airways. When you feel like the gym floor has been ripped out from underneath you and suddenly there’s the threat of everything, everything changing, everything collapsing... Hinata feels tears welling up in his eyes. He blinks them away before they have a chance to spill over. “Just leave me alone, Bakageyama.”

Kageyama’s nostrils flare. “Fine! God, you’re so annoying!”

“You’re annoying!”

“Shut your stupid face, I’m going to sleep!”

“Me too! So shut your stupid face!”

Kageyama casts him a final glare, then lies back down on the floor and rolls over, turning his back to Hinata.

And that’s when Hinata allows the tears to spill over.

***

Kageyama grits his teeth as he curls in on himself.

That stupid dumbass.. He was just trying to be nice. Kageyama knows he isn’t very good at being nice, but he was trying. What did Hinata go and get all pissy at him for? Stupid idiot, stupid dumbass...

Kageyama tries not to be concerned about him. Tries not to wonder what kind of horrible nightmare had Hinata flying into a panic in the middle of the night like that. He tries to shut his eyes and go to sleep...

And then he hears snuffling sounds.

Kageyama’s eyes fly open. For a moment, he just lies there, frozen, waiting to see if he’ll hear it again. When he does, his heart cracks.

For a brief second, Kageyama wrestles with himself. Hinata has made it very clear that he doesn’t want Kageyama to try to comfort him. He should really just ignore him. Just let the idiot cry himself to sleep...

The brief second is over.

Kageyama gets up and is before Hinata in an instant. Pulling the idiot against his chest, tucking his head over his, squeezing him tight, tight, tight...

Hinata breaks apart and sobs, his fingers grasping at Kageyama’s shirt and hanging on for dear life. “I—I’m sorry,” he stammers in between hiccups. “I promise I can ignore it. I didn’t even know I w-wanted to before tonight so I can t-totally ignore it. Things can go back to n-normal. I promise. Just don’t stop s-setting to me. And p-please don’t stop eating lunch with me either or w-walking with me to s-school or p-practising with me extra... I p-promise, things can just be n-normal...”

“Dumbass, what are you even talking about?” Kageyama murmurs into Hinata's hair. He has no idea what Hinata is going on about, but this is obviously some kind of mental breakdown after a nightmare. Kageyama will comfort him. He'll comfort him, he'll hold him until he stops crying...

“It was just one time!” Hinata wails, burying his face in Kageyama’s shirt. “I only wanted to kiss you one time!”

Kageyama’s body goes stiff with shock. Hinata continues wailing and stammering hysterical words. But Kageyama can’t hear him anymore. He can only heart those last words, ringing over and over again in his mind, like a tape recording of an opposing player’s serve that he’s set on loop to study.

I only wanted to kiss you one time...

Hinata wanted to kiss him?? When?? How had he missed this?? How could he possibly have missed this when he’d been pining after Hinata this whole damnable year??

Hinata is banging his head against Kageyama’s chest now and sobbing something incoherent. Kageyama grabs him by the shoulders and holds him at arm's length. “When?” he demands breathlessly.

Hinata blinks, his wet eyelashes fluttering and shedding tear droplets. “Wh-what?”

“When did you want to kiss me?”

Do you still want to? Can I convince you to still want to? Do I have a hope after all...?

Hinata tilts his head. “You mean, you didn’t know? But... why did you suggest we snuggle then?”

“Dammit, Hinata,” Kageyama groans. It’s half exasperated, half desperate. “I have absolutely no freaking clue what you’re talking about. When did you want to kiss me?”

Hinata’s gaze shifts to the side. He clears his throat. “Um. I was just joking.”

Kageyama lets out a sound like someone being strangled to death. No. No he is not letting the turd-face get away with that.

“Hinata!" he shouts, shaking the dumbass like a rag doll. “I have wanted to kiss you every second of every day for this whole freaking year so if you want to kiss me too you’d better TELL me and if you don’t you’d better also tell me or I’m just going to DO it, I’m just going to kiss your stupid face!!”

Hinata is gawking at him. His eyes are practically hanging out of their sockets and his jaw appears to have come completely unhinged. “Wh... Whaaaat?”

That’s not an answer. That’s not a freaking answer and Kageyama is losing his freaking marbles, he needs to get away from Hinata now or he really is just going to kiss him, and Hinata still hasn’t said he wants that so he can’t, he can’t...

Kageyama shoves Hinata away from him and jumps to his feet. He’s ready to run—forgetting for a moment that they’re locked in here and there’s nowhere to run to—but Hinata tackles him from behind. Kageyama’s legs buckle and he face-plants. Hinata lands on top of him, flat against his back, knocking all the air out of him.

“D-dumbass!” Kageyama wheezes.

“Why did you want to kiss me?” Hinata demands, his mouth at Kageyama’s ear.

Kageyama screeches. He’s so done. He’s so, so done.

“BECAUSE I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!!”

He’s in love with him. He’s so, so in love with him and he’s so, so done , he can’t even care, can’t even be afraid about declaring a secret that he’s spent the entire year guarding with his life...

“Oh.” Hinata’s declaration is soft. “Huh. Well that changes things.” Kageyama has no idea what that means.

He has no idea what it means when Hinata just stays there, lying on top of Kageyama’s back, for several silent seconds.

He has no idea what it means when Hinata finally gets up and offers him a hand.

No idea what it means when Kageyama takes the hand and Hinata helps him to his feet, their eyes locked on each other and their breaths held.

But he does know what it means when Hinata says: “I guess we’d better kiss each other then.” Read the full fic on ao3

#kagehina #first kiss #haikyuu!!

5 notes · View notes

pearlsephoni · 2 years ago

Text

At the End of the Sun, Chapter 2

Can also be read on AO3!

Rating: This Chapter: T; Whole Work: E

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing: Kagehina (Kageyama/Hinata)

Characters: Shoyo Hinata, Tobio Kageyama, Natsu Hinata, Mama Hinata, Ittetsu Takeda, brief cameos from Kazuyo Kageyama

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: In the light of Natsu’s illness, Shoyo is presented a way to give her the impossible cure.

A/N: Written for the @kagehinabigbang! Further author’s notes can be read on AO3.

Shoyo had seen some incredible things in his life. None of them were a talking wolf. Certainly not a talking wolf offering to help him save his sister. “How do you…how are you talking? What are you talking about? How do you know about the…the plant, the…any of this?”

The wolf’s ears flicked, drawing Shoyo’s attention to the fur beginning to rise along his neck. He wasn’t very familiar with wolf behavior, but it didn’t take much to guess that he was a little annoyed. “I…I heard you and your mother speaking outside. She said something about the yamakumo flower and the risk of gathering it. But the risk only exists for humans. A wolf…I could retrieve it for you.”

“But…why?” Shoyo’s hold on the bow and arrow weakened, letting the point of the arrow drift towards the ground. “Why would you do that for us?”

“Because you can give me something in return.”

His fingers tightened around the bow, but he kept it aimed down. “What could I give a talking wolf?”

“Company.” The wolf drew himself up, looking somehow regal as he met Shoyo’s gaze. “The mountains are a ways away. If you want to be able to prepare the plants for your sister, you’ll have to come live with me, prepare them there, then get them home.”

Uneasiness prickled through Shoyo. “For…for how long?”

“A year.”

“A year?!” he repeated. “The flowers only bloom in the winter, why would I need to be there for a year?”

“It’s not just for the plants. It’s…I’ll need the company for a year. That’s all I can tell you.”

It was ridiculous. It didn’t make sense. He still didn’t know why this wolf was able to speak. And yet… “So…if I come and live with you for a year, you’ll be able to harvest enough of the yamakumo to…to save my sister?”

“Your sister?”

“Yeah…she’s the one who needs it.”

“I…I see.” The wolf’s paws shifted in the soil. “Yes, I’ll harvest as much as you need, in exchange for a year.”

Shoyo’s throat clicked around his swallow as he nodded. “Okay…good. Then…I need to let my mother know.” He looked back the way he came, before whirling back towards the wolf. “You need to come with me.”

The wolf blinked. “...What? Why?”

“I can’t go home and tell my family that I’ll be gone for a year to live with a wolf who spoke and told me he’d get the flower. You need to come as…I dunno, as proof or something.”

“Oh. Right.” The wolf looked down at himself, almost as though he were remembering what he was. “Alright. Lead the way.”

Shoyo’s uneasiness around the wolf persisted as he slung his bow across his body and prepared the deer to be brought home. Even though his training demanded that he not hold a bow with a strung arrow outside of active combat or hunting, Shoyo still itched to hold some sort of weapon in his hands. But instead, he was stuck hauling the deer across his shoulders, keeping his hands completely occupied.

It felt surreal, to be leading a wolf back to his home, especially one so large and dark and similar to the creature that haunted his dreams. Really, the past five minutes–had it truly only been five minutes?–didn’t feel real. A talking wolf materialized in front of him, offered a way to save Natsu, and demanded Shoyo live with him for a year in return.

A year to save his sister. A whole year of his life, spent away from home and the palace and his work. Then again…what was one year in exchange for Natsu’s life?

“Shoyo?” His mother’s voice snapped him out of his musings, and he looked up to see her gaping at him from the porch. “Oh my goodness, will you look at that! Where on earth did you–?”

Her words choked off as her eyes drifted away from the deer Shoyo was slowly lowering to the ground. “Shoyo,” she breathed, eyes wide with alarm, “don’t move. There’s a wolf right behind you, oh spirits.”

“I…I know. You don’t have to worry.” It wasn’t until her eyes snapped back to stare at him in disbelief that he realized that he…did not have a plan. His mother suffered no fools, and the thought of telling her that he was planning on leaving for a year to live with a wolf who had offered to save Natsu…well, it sounded pretty foolish.

“What do you mean, you know? You knew you were leading a wolf to our home?!”

Then again, the alternative was worse.

“No! I mean, yes!”

“Which is it?!”

“Yes, I knew I was leading him here, but he’s not dangerous, I swear!” His mother’s disbelief was giving way to anger, and it only made Shoyo flounder more. “I– he– he’s going to help!”

“...What?”

“He’s telling the truth.”

The wolf’s words fell like a rock in the Hinatas’ yard. It took everything in Shoyo to hold back his grimace as he watched his mother’s eyes snap back and forth between him and the wolf. “Who…?”

“Your son’s telling the truth,” the wolf repeated, moving up to stand next to Shoyo and the deer. “I can help get the yamakumo flower for your daughter.”

“Shoyo.”

“...Yeah?”

“Who just said that?”

“The, uh…the wolf.”

“Ah.” His mother’s expression was impassive as she stepped down from the porch and weakly sat on its edge. “I…I was hoping I’d imagined that.”

“Yeah…I did, too.”

She could only nod for a moment, driven to silence as she visibly processed what she’d just seen and heard. And then, slowly and deliberately, she asked, “What do you mean, you can help get the flower?”

The wolf repeated what he had told Shoyo: that he could embark on the journey that would be life-threatening for Shoyo and harvest the flower that Natsu needed. Hope bloomed in Shoyo with the hope he saw widening his mother’s eyes.

Then the wolf mentioned needing something in return.

Shoyo watched with dread as his mother straightened in her seat, eyes flickering to him just long enough for him to see the foreboding settling in them. “What would that be?”

“A year,” Shoyo murmured, bringing her attention to rest on him. “I…I would have to live with him for a year.”

“No.”

“Mom–”

“Absolutely not.”

“Mom!”

“A year, Shoyo? Do you hear yourself? A year with a wolf? What on earth does he want a year with you for?”

“If he lives with me, he’ll be able to properly prepare the flowers before transporting them from the mountains to here,” the wolf spoke up. “And…well…I need the company. Never mind the reason.”

“I think I will mind the reason,” Shoyo’s mother bit out. “That’s my son you’re talking about. He has a family, a job, a whole life you are asking him to leave behind for an entire year. You want him to give up all of that without telling him why?”

“What does it matter?” Shoyo cried. “Can’t the ‘why’ be Natsu? If this is the only way we can get her that flower, then why shouldn’t I agree to the deal?”

She stared at him in silence, letting him watch emotions flicker like fireflies over her familiar features: disbelief, anger, understanding, grief, and finally, determination. It was with that emotion in her eyes that she finally looked back at the wolf. “Prove it.”

Both Shoyo and the wolf stared at her. “...I’m sorry?”

“Prove that you can get the yamakumo. Then I’ll know that you can uphold your side of the deal, and maybe, maybe I’ll let Shoyo go with you.”

Shoyo could count on one hand all of the times he’d seen his mother’s eyes harden and jaw tighten quite like that. An instinctive part of him felt nervous at the sight, but it didn’t stop him from protesting, “Mom, I can make my own choice! If this is the best way to help Natsu, then I want to do it!”

“Then you’re a greater fool than I thought,” she snapped. “Think of what he’s asking of you, Shoyo. He’s asking you to give up a year of your life for something we’re not even certain he can do. And it’s not just you. He’s asking me to give up my son, asking Natsu to give up her brother, asking the daimyo to give up one of his most promising samurai.” She turned her eyes back on the wolf, whose fur, Shoyo was surprised to see, had started raising. It immediately flattened under his mother’s glare. “Go get a yamakumo flower. Prove to us that it’s possible. Then, and only then, will we seriously consider your offer.”

When the wolf spoke, his voice sounded strained, and Shoyo wasn’t sure if he was trying to conceal the waver of fear or anger. “The yamakumo flower doesn’t bloom for months.”

“Then get us the plant. I’ll be able to identify it without the flower.”

Silence fell over the clearing, so heavy it was almost oppressive, as Shoyo’s mother and the wolf stared at each other. “Alright,” the wolf eventually conceded. “I’ll return in a week with the plant. Will we have a deal then?”

“We can discuss a deal then,” Shoyo’s mother corrected.

The wolf’s ears twitched, but he nodded. “...I can see why you became a warrior,” he said, looking at Shoyo. “It looks like ferocity runs in your family.”

A smile curved over Shoyo’s face despite the frustration still brewing in him. “Yeah…yeah, I know.”

Something made the wolf pause, dark eyes watching Shoyo for a beat, before he quietly ordered, “Be ready to leave in a week. I’ll see you then.”

His confidence and casual command startled Shoyo into simply nodding. Nothing else was said. The wolf nodded back, first to Shoyo, then to his mother, then turned and disappeared into the forest. Shoyo waited for the underbrush to return to still silence before he let out a low whistle. “Geez, Mom. Who knew you could make a wolf nervous?”

“Never mind that,” she huffed. “Who knew wolves could speak and try to steal away my son?”

“Mom.”

“Don’t ‘mom’ me.” She pinched at his nose, though she couldn’t quite match his warrior’s reflexes, and she ended up pinching at air when he managed to dodge her fingers. “I can’t believe you were so ready to just…give up a year of your life like that.”

Shoyo shrugged, stubbornly ignoring the warmth creeping across his cheeks. “I was just…I was desperate. It sounded like a better way to get the flower, instead of, uh…dying.”

His mother shook her head with a fond, exasperated smile. “My goodness, that brain of yours. Have you even thought about your work? What army would let one of their most promising soldiers disappear for a year?”

“I’m not going to disappear,” Shoyo huffed, pointedly ignoring her actual question. “I’ll go back with Takeda-sensei tomorrow and let Captain Ukai know. I can tell him that Natsu is sick and I need to help take care of her. It’s not really a lie.”

“Shoyo.”

“It’s not! I…I might have to speak to Kageyama-sama directly, though.” A slow shudder slid down his spine at the thought. He had only ever seen the daimyo in person a handful of times. The old man somehow struck a balance between having a kind demeanor and regal air about him. It made him one of the more-approachable daimyos in the country, but it also made it more difficult for Shoyo to guess what his response to his requested absence would be. “That might be my only chance to be allowed back after a year.”

The idea clearly unnerved his mother—her face paled and her eyes widened as he spoke. “Shoyo, you can’t even guarantee that you’ll get an audience with him.”

“No, but…I have to try.”

“Oh, my darling boy,” his mother sighed, cupping his face and making him meet her sad eyes. “Are you absolutely certain about this? It would kill Natsu, knowing you lost the work you love for her sake.”

“We don’t know that I will!” he tried to reassure her. “Maybe I won’t! Just…please don’t tell her anything about that, not until I know for sure?”

His mother gazed at him for a moment before sighing and nodding. “Alright. But the moment we know, you have to tell her. Promise me.”

“I promise.” The words came instantly, quick as an instinct.

“Good.” Her hands slid away from his cheeks as she heaved another sigh. “Well now…let’s get to work on this beauty.”

The reminder of the buck was a relief. Shoyo was only too ready to begin the familiar, arduous work of taking the body apart, but just as he began sharpening his carving knife, Takeda stumbled to the still-open shoji screens. “Takeda-chan?” Shoyo’s mother asked, her voice nearly cracking on her surprise and worry. “What’s going on?”

“I…I thought I heard…” His eyes looked borderline-crazed as they scanned the yard, until the craze was replaced by defeat. “Ah. I thought I heard a familiar voice. I must have been mistaken.”

Shoyo and his mother exchanged a shared look of alarm and confusion–had he heard the wolf? Did he recognize the wolf’s voice? How would they even begin to explain everything that had happened in the past hour? Then his mother slipped into a practiced smile as she joked, “Familiar voices? Do you mean ours?”

“No no, I, ah…well, never mind.” He straightened up as he adjusted his glasses, before shooting his own practiced smile at mother and son. “My, Shoyo-kun, that’s quite the kill!”

“Oh, thank you, sensei,” Shoyo said with a shy laugh.

“We’ll finish carving it and we’ll be right in,” his mother told Takeda, “unless you would like to help?”

“Oh! Um. Perhaps I could help with things…inside?”

Shoyo struggled to bite back a laugh as his mother smilingly asked Takeda if he wouldn’t mind sweeping the floors, please? She didn’t turn back to Shoyo until the other healer had closed the screens behind him.

“Tomorrow,” she murmured, smile sliding off her face. “We’ll tell him everything tomorrow. And when you come back in a week, we’ll tell Natsu everything as well, alright?” She phrased it as a question, but Shoyo knew better.

“Alright.”

For the rest of the evening, he could almost forget about the wolf and the strange, impossible deal he’d offered. He could pretend that this was just another visit home, helping his mother with familiar, difficult chores.

But when Shoyo finally crawled into his old futon and drifted to sleep, it was to visions of sharp teeth, black fur, and dark blue eyes.

—————————————————~☾~—————————————————

By this point in his life, at 21 years old with a few years of being a samurai under his belt, Shoyo knew that the first day of any endeavor was never the hardest day. But he really felt he could be forgiven for hoping the exception would be finding out his sister was struggling with a potentially-fatal illness.

Of course that wasn’t the case. The next morning, once Shoyo helped Natsu get settled back into her futon after breakfast, he attempted to explain the…situation to Takeda. His mother let him do the talking, either because she thought he ought to take responsibility for making a deal with a talking wolf or because she still didn’t fully understand everything. Shoyo couldn’t be sure, but he didn’t really blame her either way.

Strangely enough, while Takeda definitely looked stunned by the whole ordeal, he didn’t seem specifically surprised by the news of the wolf. If anything, he was more curious about the how of the speaking wolf moreso than the what. “If he was the voice I heard last night,” he murmured, staring hard at the table as he thought through everything, “then why did he sound so familiar? I really feel as though I’ve heard that voice before.”

“Well…regardless,” Shoyo’s mother gently piped up, “do you think you’ll be able to help Shoyo get a year off approved?”

“Ah! Yes! I mean…it will be difficult, and there’s only so much sway I have as the daimyo’s healer,” Takeda warned, “but I can at least be there to vouch for the severity of Natsu’s illness.”

“That’s perfect, sensei, thank you!” Shoyo shifted away from the table to bow low to Takeda, ignoring the healer’s stammering attempts to get him to stop. “Anything I say about Natsu wouldn’t be believed as much without your help. Thank you.”

“Of course, Shoyo-kun. I only wish there were more I could do to help.”

“You’ve already been an immense help,” Shoyo’s mother reassured him. “We would not have even known what was ailing Natsu, much less how to cure her, if it hadn’t been for you.”

Any hope Shoyo felt following breakfast began to seep out of him once he and Takeda began the journey back to the palace. With nothing else but riding his horse available to occupy him, it wasn’t long before he began thinking a little too hard over everything: Natsu’s illness, the wolf, being separated from his entire life, his entire world, for a year.

It didn’t make sense that so much could have changed in 24 hours. He had come home ready to simply spend some time with his family. Now he was leaving home with his entire future up in the air.

His return to the palace grounds spurred a series of news and explanations that he repeated countless times: to Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, to his other friends, to Captain Ukai. The news in turn spurred a series of reactions: pity, sadness, exhaustion in the captain’s case, acceptance from all.

Which left the daimyo himself.

By some stroke of luck, Takeda was able to arrange an audience with the daimyo for Shoyo the day before he was due back at home. Shoyo’s things were already packed and ready to go, but he couldn’t let himself think about the fact that he might never be able to bring them back to the place that had been his home for so many years.

His pulse sped up with every step he took towards the throne room, until he was kneeling in front of the daimyo with his heart practically leaping out of his throat.

“Ah…Hinata, was it?”

“Yes, Kageyama-sama.”

“Please, look up. Let me look at the samurai trying to escape for a year.”

“Your Grace, I would never–” The words died on Shoyo’s tongue when he looked up and was met with a kind, if not a little teasing, smile on Kazuyo Kageyama’s face.

“There he is. Captain Ukai and Healer Takeda tell me you are planning on leaving us for a year?”

“Yes, Kageyama-sama.”

“In order to help your mother take care of your ill sister?”

“Yes, Kageyama-sama.” Maybe he should’ve felt alarmed by how easy the lie was becoming to say, but the time to dwell on that was not when he was face-to-face with his daimyo.

“And you are hoping to be able to return to the samurai forces in a year?”

His use of the word “hoping” made the small kernel of hope in Shoyo get slowly buried by dread and defeat. “...Yes, Kageyama-sama.”

“You can understand why that idea gives me some pause.”

“I…yes. Kageyama-sama.” His fingers curled into the folds of his kimono over his lap.

“Have you given any thought to what you might do if you were not allowed to return?”

The lord’s eyes were not unkind, but the question still made Shoyo’s stomach clench. “Yes, Kageyama-sama. I would try to find work as a ronin, or…” The knot in his stomach tightened. “...or I would commit seppuku, if you saw fit. I understand what I’m asking could be seen as a slight to your family, though I would never deliberately cause such an insult. I…I only ask that, if this punishment is decided on, Your Grace allows me to ensure my mother and sister are healthy and safe before I go forth with the act.”

Lord Kageyama didn’t allow any emotions to slip through his kind features as Shoyo spoke, though his eyes did widen the tiniest fraction when Shoyo uttered the word “seppuku.” Once Shoyo finished speaking, the daimyo started with, “Young man, your concern for your family would never be seen as a slight to my own.”

Just like that, the knot in Shoyo’s stomach eased as he let out a slow sigh of relief. But he kept his hands clenched in his lap, hesitant to let hope in just yet.

“Your loyalty and honor belong to my family. Your love belongs to yours. Go, take care of them.” Before joy could fully wash over Shoyo, Lord Kageyama’s dark blue eyes sharpened, and his mouth curved into an almost-indistinguishable frown. “But when you return next year, I will expect your skills to be as they were when you left. There is no place for an untrained, unpracticed samurai in the ranks of my army. You’d do well to keep that in mind.”

“Yes, Kageyama-sama. I…I would never neglect my training.”

“Good. Well, then…I suppose we’ll see you in a year.” At Shoyo’s wide eyes, Lord Kageyama let his lips pull back into a kind smile. “May your sister enjoy a swift and thorough recovery, Hinata-kun.”

“Thank you, my Lord. Thank you!”

Shoyo wasn’t fully in the clear: he still had some things to discuss with Captain Ukai regarding who would cover for his duties, as well as finally let Tsukishima and Yamaguchi know about his departure.

But when he made his way back home to meet with the wolf, Shoyo left the palace grounds assured that there would be a place for him to return to, which was more than he had believed he would get.

His joy and relief was a fragile thing, though, weak enough to be dashed when he was returned home with Takeda and saw his mother already waiting for him on the engawa.

“Shoyo-kun.” He looked up at where Takeda was still perched on his horse. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. Thank you, sensei, but…I should do this alone.”

And so, with a shaky attempt at a reassuring smile, Takeda rode away, leaving Shoyo to cross the yard by himself.

As soon as his mother caught sight of him, her eyes widened and her mouth opened to ask a question. “I’m okay,” he told her, grinning when her mouth slowly shut again. “Takeda-sensei got me an audience with Lord Kageyama, and he gave me permission to return. I…I’ll be able to go back in a year.”

“Oh, Shoyo,” his mother gasped, bundling him into a tight hug. “That might be the first bit of good news I’ve heard in months.” Contrary to her words, when she pulled away, Shoyo could see her posture tensing up again. “Are you ready to tell Natsu everything?”

“Are you sure? We still haven’t see the wolf, maybe he–”

“Hello.”

His mother’s head snapped up, and Shoyo whirled around to see the large, dark shape of the wolf approaching up the path. Around his neck, he wore a small pouch, and from the way he held his head high, it wasn’t difficult to guess what was in it.

Still, the wolf announced, “I’ve brought the yamakumo.”

“Oh.” Joy and dread clashed across Shoyo’s mother’s features–joy of a possible cure for her daughter, and dread of what that meant for Shoyo. She was silent as she carefully opened the pouch around the wolf’s craned neck and drew out a leafy stem. Her silence grew heavy in the yard, stretching on with every second she took to inspect the stem, the leaves, even the roots that still clung to small clumps of dirt.

When she finally spoke, her soft voice melted the silence instead of breaking it. “You did it. This is yamakumo.”

The wolf let out a quiet huff before asking, “Then does that mean our deal still stands?”

Shoyo’s mother bit her lip as she turned to look at him. “I…I think that’s up to you, love.”

His answer was instant, even as his throat ached with it. “I’ll do it. But I need to tell my sister first. She needs to know about…about everything.”

“...Nii-chan?”

Shoyo’s stomach dropped. He whirled around to see Natsu peering at him from just behind the shoji screens, eyes wide with shock. “Natsu…shit, I…what’re you doing down here?”

“I heard your voice, and I…Nii-chan, what’s going on?”

This wasn’t how Shoyo wanted this to happen. He’d planned on telling Natsu everything after he had a few moments to figure out exactly what he was going to say. He was going to see her in her futon, so she’d be able to turn away and burrow back into her comfort if the news upset her.

Instead, he was coaxing her to sit with him and their mother, and clumsily explaining to her that he had figured out a way to get the yamakumo flower, but that it would keep him away from home for another year. No, he wasn’t going to risk his life to get it himself. Yes, he really did have to be gone for that long. No, he wasn’t being blackmailed into doing this. He wanted to do this, wanted to do whatever he could to help Natsu heal. No, this wasn’t her fault. He was doing this because he wanted to, not because she’d asked.

None of his reassurances could hold back her tears. “B-but you’re going to be alone,” she cried, looking almost furious for him despite her soaked cheeks. “A whole year alone, Nii-chan, that’s not fair! No one should go through that!”

“I won’t be alone, Natchan!”

“Then who–?”

“I’ll be there.”

Shoyo didn’t think it was possible, but Natsu’s eyes got even wider when she stared at the wolf. “You…you talked.”

“I did. I do.”

Natsu’s eyes bounced between the wolf, Shoyo, and their mother, before they settled back on the wolf. “Are you…how we’ll get the yamakumo?”

“I am.”

“Oh…thank you. But um…why do you need my brother for a year?”

“Natsu,” Shoyo hissed, “don’t worry about that. It’s nothing compared to what we’ll get in return.”

“It’s a whole year, Nii-chan! That’s not nothing!” She was pale and skinny and wore dark circles under her eyes, and she still looked as fierce as the strongest soldiers Shoyo had marched beside. “I don’t want you to do this!”

“It’s my choice to make. Let me make it, Natchan.”

A deep furrow appeared between Natsu’s brows the longer she glared at Shoyo, but Shoyo stared back just as resolutely, and eventually his little sister wilted. She never could out-stubborn him, no matter how much she tried. “Then…is this the last time I’ll see you?”

“I think so…but it’s just for a year! I’ll be back before you know it, and you’ll be all better by then, you’ll see!”

Natsu didn’t say anything to that. She just gazed at Shoyo, eyes flickering around his face like she was carving it into her memory, the way she always did before the daimyo’s year-long pilgrimages to Edo.

Then, without warning, she was flinging herself into his arms, burying her face into his shoulder. “Easy there, monkey girl.”

For once, she didn’t complain about the nickname. She just murmured, so soft he almost didn’t hear her, “I’ll miss you, Nii-chan. You really won’t be able to visit?”

“I dunno…we’ll have to see. But don’t get your hopes up, okay?”

“Okay.” She squeezed him tight, like he was her old plush bunny. “...Love you.”

“What was that?”

“You heard me!”

“I don’t think I quite caught that.”

“Nii-chan!” Natsu whined, pushing away from Shoyo and pouting at his laughter. “Don’t be mean!”

“I’m not being mean, I’m just making sure you won’t miss me too bad!” His laughter faded into a melancholic smile as he turned to his mother, who was already watching him with tears shining in her eyes.

She silently held her arms open, and he silently fit himself into them, pressing his forehead to her shoulder as she rocked him back and forth.

“Whatever happens, Shoyo,” she whispered at his ear, “you can always come home. Do you hear me? If you want to get out of this deal with the wolf, or if you can’t return to the daimyo, you can always come back to us. Always.”

“I know,” he whispered back, his breath nearly catching on the lump in his throat. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, my little sun.” Shoyo’s heart ached at the tears glistening in her eyes when she pulled back to press a kiss to his forehead. “Stay safe. This year will feel even longer without you.”

“It will for me, too. But I’ll be okay, I promise.” His eyes stung as he stepped out of his mother’s arms and turned to his sister, and they began brimming when he reached out and ruffled her hair. “I love you, Natchan.”

His solemn words made fresh tears fill Natsu’s eyes, and Shoyo caught the first drop falling just as she pressed her face to their mother’s shoulder. “Go,” their mother whispered, already crying, even as she nodded at the wolf waiting behind him. “You have a long trip. Don’t keep him waiting.”

Everything in Shoyo screamed to steal one more hug, press one more kiss to Natsu’s hair and their mother’s cheek, murmur one last goodbye. But their mother was right. It was time he began the journey to what would be his home for the coming year.

So, with a last sigh, he shouldered his pack and turned to the wolf, wiping at his eyes before shakily declaring, “Alright. Let’s go.”

The wolf didn’t move for a moment, just sat there and watched Shoyo in silence. He only stood when Shoyo met his eyes, giving himself a little shake before echoing, “Let’s go.”

6 notes · View notes