#but i wanna change some stuff and it'll be easier to do that in a new series

[bittybeanie]

oh boy! time to post a new fic! I can't believe it's been *checks calendar* ....oh. uh. oops. ignore that! it's the fourth and final installment of (this) aspec reigen series, complete with a lite™ version of a couple different kinks and finally getting to touch the peen! this one's real long, folks, clocking in at about 9,500 words, so you might wanna get a nice beverage and settle in.

content notes: thigh riding, themes of consent, drunk almost sex, a discussion about the drunk almost sex in the following scene, praise kink, a very loose (literally) definition of bondage, and so so many pet names. minors please don't interact!

also on ao3!

It takes more than a couple tries for you to get settled on the bed. You’re too close, then too far, and Reigen can’t get comfy, and your hand keeps sliding out from under you, and he can’t decide how he wants your leg angled, and there’s too many clothes, then all at once so few clothes that it feels like too much at once and you hastily agree to put your shirts back on, not wanting to break the already fragile layer of quiet hope.

Finally, finally, everything is perfect.

Awkward, stilted, and a little tense, and you’re not sure how long your leg will let you keep it just barely raised like this before it cramps up, but he’s here, embarrassed but steadfast, breath coming out in shivery gasps, hovering over your thigh, one hair fisted in the back of your hair. If he tips over, there’s no way you’re not going with.

Perfect.

His thighs shake as he holds himself up, deciding which direction he wants to move. You reach for the small of his back to steady him. "Does this count as keeping my hands out of the way?" He nods, so you test the waters by sliding your other hand up his thigh.

"As long you don’t- just no direct touching. Close to is fine, just not… well." He moves a hand back and forth across where he’s hovering over your thigh.

“Keep off the goods. Gotcha."

"The goods? Awful. You're awful, I swear."

You slide your hand up, just barely skimming your fingernails over his hip when you catch the hem of his shirt, and his cock twitches in his boxers.

"The goods don't seem to agree."

"Oi." Despite his protests, the laughter loosens him, and he relaxes enough to lean back into your knee. “Fine, fine, just stop saying goods.”

“Alright.” He raises an eyebrow. You lift both hands in surrender. “I promise! I will never again use ‘the goods’ to refer to your perfect, gorgeous, suckable-”

“I get it! I get it.” He grabs onto your shoulder - maybe in an effort to distract you, or maybe just to keep his balance - as he shifts closer. You can practically feel the heat radiating from his ears. “Here, actually, can you-? Hm.” He presses a hand against the inside of your other leg, thumb digging in as he gives a shove. He slides a knee into the newly free space between your legs, leaning forward to get a better angle. Your hands settle back on his waist.

“Better?”

“Much.” He lets out a little hum as he pushes his hips forward, and you have to stamp down a whimper at the feeling, his dick heavy and warm even through fabric.

“Didn’t mean to just push like that, though. Sorry.”

“S’okay. I’ll survive a little manhandling, as a treat.” You hit the last “t” sound with a click of your tongue, and he falls into your neck with a laugh. You trace patterns on his hips as he moves, tracking the motion as you press your fingers into his skin. “God, how do you get your hips to move that smooth? It’s sorta mesmerizing.”

“Hm? Oh, I don’t know, I’m just- I wasn’t thinking about it. S’just what f- ha, feels good.” His breath fans out across your collarbone, warm and fast.

“Yeah? You like using my thigh, baby? No thoughts other than what feels good? Your own personal toy to get yourself off against?”

“Oi.” His hips stutter once before he falls back into a slower rhythm. His fingers dig into your shoulder as he pulls you closer.

“Too much?”

“That’s not how I think of you.”

You can’t help but laugh, a light chuckle coming out in a breath against his hair. “I know, ‘Taka, I know.” You slide your hands under his shirt, over his stomach and up to his collarbone. “But would it really be so bad to belong to you?”

“I- fuck.” There’s a moment of worry when he shoves you away, but then he’s scrambling for the hem of his shirt and pulling.

“Are you sure?” It’s a formality, uttered even as you’re already reaching to help slide the fabric over his elbows, but it’s one you can’t even imagine going without.

“Very.” He lifts himself off of you to push his boxers down, shifting his weight from one leg to the other as he shimmies them all the way off. The mattress shifts and pitches him over, and you hurry to grab his arm.

He crawls back over to straddle your thigh, the tip of his cock tapping lightly against your side before he leans back onto his ankles.

“Do I need to get-?” You chuck his shirt into infinity and gesture vaguely to the bedside drawer. He’s technically never told you that he started keeping lube in there, but he hasn’t made much effort to keep the secret either.

He shakes his head. “I’m close. Won’t matter.”

He tries to go back to rutting against you, anchoring his hands on your waist to tilt his hips this way and that, but something about the new angle is off, and he can’t get any good contact.

“Oh no, now horrible, your dick is just so hard it won’t stay down on its own.”

He clicks his tongue at you as he scoots to sit closer, flush making its way from his ears to the edges of his cheeks.

“That gorgeous curve probably isn’t helping, either. In this case, anyway. Be an absolute treat to have inside me, though.” You press your thumbs in just above his knees, encouraging him to spread his legs more, and he jumps with a squeak, hands flying to grab yours. “Sorry, sorry, di-”

“No, it’s-” He pulls your hands together, just in front of his stomach, and the tip of his cock brushes against you. For a moment, you think he’s going to pull down, but he guides your hands back to his hips, pressing them into his skin as he rolls his hips. “Here.”

He gives up and puts his hand flat over his dick, pinning it down against your leg. He lifts himself to adjust the angle, just his tip dragging along your skin until he bumps into your hip, precum rolling out in a thin line over your thigh. When he pulls back, he grinds down insistently, coating his length and covering what isn’t already marked of your thigh so he can slide more easily. After a few impatient jolts of his hips, he settles back into a rhythm, smooth and fluid, and lets up on the pressure of his hand. He slings his other arm over your shoulder to pull you closer, and he falls forward to bury his face in your neck, whining into your collarbone.

He wasn’t lying when he said he was close, because it only takes a few drags of his cock against you for him to seize up, body tensing before going boneless, cum rolling over his hand and onto your hip as he slumps against you in a mess of pants and sighs. You slide your hands up his back to support his full weight, pressing kisses to his hair as he catches his breath.

“Just… gimme a second, I can cl- get you- god, my legs.” He rolls off of you with none of his usual grace, limbs falling everywhere at once, lightly smacking your arm as he goes limp.

You laugh and push his hair back from his face. You don’t bother to untangle your legs from his, accepting your fate of needing a shower later in exchange for getting to lean down to kiss his cheek.

“Eh, let it dry.”

“I’m starting to think you like it more than tolerate it.”

“If you haven’t gotten the hint by now that I want you to absolutely cov-”

He gives you a shove, rolling his hand so there’s no real force behind it, but you seize the chance to topple with a dramatic moan, one hand falling theatrically across your forehead as your eyes flutter closed. 

“Oh, stop it.” He crawls over and props himself up on his elbows. You can feel his breath fanning over your collarbone, stilted like he’s trying not to laugh. You crack one eye open, breaking into giggles when you see his forced serious expression, eyebrows pinched together and one cheek sucked into his mouth to keep the smile off his face. He breaks at your laughter, breathing out through his nose and pressing his forehead to yours. “I can’t take you anywhere.”

“Oh, you could take me anywhere, handsome.” You waggle your eyebrows suggestively, and he rolls onto his back with an exasperated groan. You laugh again and sit up, pulling a blanket over him so you can settle in without accidentally brushing somewhere he’d rather you didn’t.

“Hey, Arataka?”

“I love you, too.”

“That, too.” You chuckle. “But I have a real question this time.”

“Oh.” He turns his head. “Sure.”

“After you… when you took my hands earlier, were you…?” The fleeting moment of contact between him and your hands floats through your mind. You can’t help but wonder what he was thinking in the moment he hesitated, but it feels weirdly invasive to ask so bluntly. “Sorry, never mind, this is a weird line of thought.”

You lay down beside him, craning your neck to rest your head on his shoulder. His hand finds yours, lacing your fingers together as his thumb smooths up your wrist.

“Do you mean…” He takes a steadying breath, grip tightening almost imperceptibly. “Do you mean after the clothes came off?”

You nod. For a moment, he stills, not even breathing.

“I was… I wanted so badly to let you touch me. I thought if I didn’t have to say it, if I could just… imply, then I could get around it, but,” he sighs heavily, and he sounds tired when he continues, “I panicked.”

You’re both quiet, long enough that you startle even yourself when you finally break the silence.

“It’s not a bad idea.”

“...Panicking?”

“No, angel. Implying.” He presses his cheek to the top of your head. “Maybe you just have to imply for a little longer.”

“I’m not following.”

“What if you left your hand on top of mine? That way it’s like- it’s the same as when you do it, but it sort of, hm, bridges the gap? All the sexy, none of the surprise.”

For a long moment, you’re not sure if he’s quiet because he’s thinking or because he’s falling asleep.

He hums, shoulder rolling under your head, and he pulls you tighter against his side.

+

"Okay." You shift nervously, tucking your foot underneath yourself, then deciding against it and unfolding your legs. "Walk me through the zones again."

"I'm not a city planning map." He rolls his eyes, but he takes your hand. You’re not sure which one of you the gesture is supposed to comfort.

You shift back onto your knees.

"Here up, anything goes." He points at the middle of his chest. "But try to stay- so more like, well, from maybe..." He gestures to his collarbone and wags his finger up and down. "Here to here, really."

When he looks back at you, you can tell he's waiting for something. You settle for a small nod.

"Right. A-and then, here to here," he points from his chest to just above his hip, "Hands are fine. Doing... whatever." He steadies himself with another deep breath and rushes through the rest. "Legs, stay still, and anything... direct we'll do the- on the- yeah, got it, that's all."

You let him sit for a moment to make sure there's nothing he forgot. His grip on your hand tightens, and you swear he moves to pull you closer, but he must decide against it at the last second.

"Whose hand is going on top again? Sorry, we've swapped it so many times I can't remember if we decided."

"Oh. Right. Um." He hovers his right hand over his left, then swaps them, then swaps them again. “Yours under mine.”

“Got it.” You reach for him, letting him pull your hand up to his collar. "And you know you can tell me to stop at any time?"

"You tell me that every time."

"It's important every time."

He swallows thickly and traces a circle on the back of your hand with his thumb. "Yeah. I know."

You shift to pull your legs off to the side, then cross them again, then sit back up on your knees. Gently taking the collar of his shirt in your hands, you trail one thumb along the edge of the fabric until you reach the top button. "And can I do this, or would you like to?"

He nods before realizing there were two options in your question, then points at you, then at your hands, then flashes you a thumbs up. "Yeah. Go ahead."

"Well, now hold on, I have manners. I'm not going straight for the goods." He laughs and shimmies to sit up straighter, letting his legs straighten out in front of him. "How about the pants later?"

"Uh, right, that's, I didn't think about that. I mean it would make sense that you're going to be- I mean it's not like-"

"Arataka."

"Yeah." He swallows.

"I'm not going to be offended if you’d like to take off your own pants."

He pauses, staring down at his knee. Eventually, he shakes his head. "I want you to do it."

"And your-?"

"Just do it at the same time."

"Got it." You take a steadying breath of your own. "I won't stay there, but is it okay if I straddle you for a little bit? I wa-"

His hands are pulling at your waist before you can get your legs properly unfolded, and you almost tumble over him. He laughs an apology as you move on top of him, hovering over his legs to avoid making any real contact.

You brush his bangs back from his face, following through with the motion until your fingers tangle in the shorter strands of hair at the back of his head. He tilts to follow your hand, craning his neck to keep you from pulling.

"Ready?"

He nods slightly.

"I’d like a verbal yes for this one, lovely."

He swallows. You watch his Adam's apple bob.

"Yeah, yes.” He nods again. His hand jerks, taking yours with it, and he awkwardly lets your hand fall into his lap. You do your best not to move. “I trust you."

You drag your gaze back up to his face, searching for any last signs of reluctance. A bead of sweat trails down his temple, and you’re certain if you put your hand to his cheek you’d worry he had a fever. Sure enough, when you slide your fingers along his jaw, he’s hot to the touch, and the tips of his ears are turning brighter shades of red by the second.

He clears his throat, pushing his jaw into your palm. “Are you gonna-?”

“In a minute.” You swipe your thumb across his bottom lip. “I’m savoring.”

He scoffs at that, the same scoff he uses when he sees somebody do something stupid in public, and you take the opportunity to catch him by surprise, surging forward to push him down onto the bed. His hands go to your shoulders on instinct but he pulls them back almost immediately, hovering awkwardly in the space between you. Using your grip on his chin, you angle his head so you can lean down and kiss him without knocking your noses together.

Once you’re sure you can support yourself without falling on him, you allow your free hand to trail down, tracing down the muscles in his neck, across his collarbone and back, finally settling on the first button of his shirt. It takes a little effort to get it undone with just one hand, but you manage it, and you allow yourself to dip down as you settle into a rhythm, lips ghosting along Reigen’s skin as you uncover more of it.

He’s shivering, hand shaking where it hovers over yours on the last button of his shirt. When you slide your hand back up along his side, his hand falls back to the bed, pulling at a wrinkle in the sheets.

You kiss along his jaw, savoring the feeling every time his breath catches in his throat under your lips. Your hand trails down along his side, wrapping around him to hold his waist when he arches up into the press of your thumb. He hums, eyelids fluttering, and you dare to slide your hand down, ever so slightly, thumb brushing over his waistband and back onto bare skin.

He grabs for you, grasp tight around your wrist, almost painful before he slowly relaxes and drags your hand back up toward his chest. You push yourself off him, swinging your leg to kneel beside him.

“Here, let’s try this.” You guide him to sit up. Once he’s situated against the headboard, you settle in by his thigh, your knee pressing gently into his hip. One hand traces circles and patterns as you trail down to his stomach. “Still good?”

He hums, but he scrambles for your wrist again, holding on tighter and tighter the closer you get to the button on his pants.

“You’re allowed to change your mind, y’know. I can let you do it.”

“That’s not- mm.” He relaxes his death grip on your arm but keeps his thumb hooked around it. After a few tries to let go completely, his head tips forward into your shoulder. “I thought I would… I’m sorry.”

You shake your head and slowly pull away. “Nothing to apologize for.” You cup his face with both hands and gently turn him, but he doesn’t hold your gaze for long. 

“Do you want to keep going? Should I…?”

He opens his mouth, but says nothing. His expression is pinched, tight with something you’re not sure how to label. His fingers press together, thumb and index, thumb and middle, thumb and ring, thumb and pinky, over and over as you lean back, nodding softly.

“Stay in bed?” Your voice is shakier than you’d like. You swear he flinches, and you clear your throat. “Or move to the couch and watch something?”

“Couch.” He nods once, stiff and harsh, and swallows thickly. “Thanks.”

He presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth, and slides out of bed, starting to button his shirt back up as he wanders into the other room.

You keep nodding as if in a trance, and you follow him out. 

+

Despite the now faint memory of some friend of a friend forcefully inviting you, there's not a single soul at the party you recognize. With the exception of a few people dancing by the kitchen, closer to the speakers, everyone has settled for taking a seat and awkwardly bobbing their head. You’ve repeated the same three lines of small talk more times than you can count, it's just cold enough that you've had the chills the whole time while still managing to feel overwhelmingly stifled, and the music is so awful you wonder how somebody hasn’t tried to change it yet. But there's alcohol, the good stuff that somebody is clearly very particular about, and lots of it. You can't remember how much you've had, and that fact is enough to tell you it was probably too much, but it doesn't stop you from taking whatever the host is passing out when they wander through.

You think Reigen might be the only person doing worse than you. He looks... woozy. His face is flushed and his eyes are lidded like he might throw up, pass out, or both at any moment. At one point he took a tumble when he tried to sit down, graciously ignored by everyone else, and you had to throw your arm around his waist to keep him from sliding down the front of the couch again. He's leaning on you for support every time he moves, and if there were anything left in his can you’re sure he would be spilling it on you right now.

He's restless at the best of times, you know this, but even through the fog you can tell something is off. Not wrong exactly, but he keeps giving you this sideways glance, digging his fingers into your thigh to steady himself and then yanking his hand away, knocking his head into your shoulder and muttering something you haven't been able to make out.

He laughs - way too loudly at something you're not sure was supposed to be funny - and stands abruptly. Your hand around his waist falls limp on the couch, and he sways without the support.

"I'm going to the re- the ba- I gotta piss."

Nobody but you pays him any attention. He takes a wobbly step forward, knocking his foot into the leg of the coffee table, but he doesn't seem fazed. His knees bend at a weird angle as he shifts his weight from foot to foot, then he straightens back up and whirls around to face you. The momentum sends him tumbling back down, and you manage to catch him before his nose smashes into your jaw.

"I guess you better help me there."

"Yeah." Your voice crackles from dehydration. You have to clear your throat and try again to get a recognizable sound to come out. "Alright." You do a quick mental scan of your legs to make sure they'll support you before you motion for him to get up so you can stand. He does, grabbing your wrist and pulling with the conviction of somebody who does not need help walking.

The gears in your head start to turn.

He drags you along, glancing over his shoulder as he rounds the corner into the hallway, only stumbling once when he has to screech to a halt and back up to yank a door open. He pushes you inside, pulling the door closed behind him after he follows you in.

It's pitch black, and you're not sure if the overwhelming lemon smell is coming from Reigen or something in the room. You reach out to find him, but your fingers brush against something cold and smooth instead, and it's not until it tilts and hits you in the head that you realize it's probably a handle for something. Reigen's hand whacks into your arm and he holds on tight, fingers digging into your shoulder as he pulls you forward.

"I don't think that was the right door."

"Hm? Oh, sure." You can feel the air beside you moving until eventually his other hand finds your face, one finger dragging across your cheek until it hits your nose. "No, I- yeah, I know."

"Then wh-"

He pushes, hard and sudden. You fight to keep your balance as you adjust to the weird backwards lean you find yourself in. Reigen hisses as he pulls his fingers out from between you and the wall.

"Dumb, that was so dumb. Sorry." He fumbles for your waist to guide you backwards, and you feel his hips press against you when he reaches past your head to lean on the wall.

Everything clicks together all at once.

Your hands fly to where his waist should be. Once you find him, you're not sure if you want to shove him away or pull him in closer.

"You're super drunk. I don't know if-"

"Tha's the point." The hand on your face slides around until his thumb catches your bottom lip. He sways, like talking about it has made him remember how much he's had to drink. When he leans against you, he's heavier than normal, like he can’t support his weight anymore. "Liquid courage."

"I’m drunk." 

"Mm. Shit." He pulls away, just barely, and he nods. "Do you mind?"

Your mouth drops open uselessly. All your thoughts feel like static, indecipherable noise screaming for you to do something, if only you could figure out what. He's squirming now, like it hurts to stay still. You realize he's whimpering at the same time you realize he's grinding his hips against your leg.

“M’fine.”

He lets out a sigh of relief and drops his hands as he shuffles around. You take the chance to stand back up. When you finally bump into each other again, he wraps his arms around you and squeezes, his breathing coming out in pants against your chest.  He hooks one leg around yours, tapping his foot against your heel to bring your leg forward. You make a strangled humming sound when he grinds against your thigh.

"Hey, where's your hand?"

"My...?" You suddenly remember you have hands. You allow yourself a moment of silence for all the time you could have been holding onto him before you push one hand forward. It smacks into what you think is his stomach. "Sorry. Here."

"S'kay. Stay put." You keep your hand pressed against him as he leans backward. You're not sure when he stopped holding onto you, but one of his hands is suddenly over yours, and a loud zip cuts through the sound of you both breathing. He slides his hand down, dragging yours with it. Your fingers glide along his skin, smooth and soft, until you brush against a patch of hair.

A sobering panic cuts through you.

He must realize what he's doing at the same time you do, because you both freeze. His grip tightens. He guides your hand away from him slowly, stopping when he makes contact with your side.

"Stay... stay put."

He turns and scrambles for the door. Something falls beside you when he misses the doorknob, then you're squinting as light floods in from the hallway. You can make out the silhouette of him sprinting into the room diagonal from where you're standing, and then there's the unmistakable sound of vomiting.

Your place is only two blocks away - no more than a ten minute walk.

You call a cab service.

+

It smells like coffee.

When you try to sit up, the room spins. You end up in a sort of half sit, half lean as you grab onto the side of the mattress, willing everything to stay still. You take stock of the things that are clear enough to look at, slowly making sense of what happened once you got home.

You're laying on top of the covers, still in your clothes from last night. One shoe is in the doorway, and the other is nowhere in sight, probably somewhere closer to the entrance. The coffee smell, growing more enticing by the second, is a good sign Reigen's in the kitchen.

You slide onto the floor beside your bed, not trusting yourself to stand up without falling just yet, to rummage for more comfortable clothes. Once you manage to get changed, you stand up slowly, and make your way to the kitchen.

Reigen must have grabbed a set of pajamas at some point last night, though you can't remember when. His back is turned to you; he's lazily stirring something on the stove. Two steaming cups of coffee sit on the counter beside him. Before you can decide whether you want to say something and risk startling him, he seems to sense you standing there, and he turns around with a weak smile.

"Hey."

"Morning?" It's both a greeting and a question, because you have no idea what time it is.

"Yeah." He lets out a breathy chuckle. "How, um, how you feeling?"

Your head is throbbing so bad your teeth hurt, your legs and back are sore, and you have a looming sense of guilt.

"I think I should be asking you that."

"I'm fine, really." He clicks off the fire and reaches for a bowl. "I told you, I felt basically back to normal after I- well, um, you know. Thanks again, by the way, for car- for carrying me."

You nod softly, feeling a little useless as he hands you what looks and smells like a very delicious soup.

"Reigen, I am so-" "I didn't mean-"

He reaches for a second bowl. "You first." When you start to shake your head, he rolls his wrist in a "go on" motion. "Please. I'm not actually sure how to say mine yet."

"Right." You swallow thickly, fidgeting with your spoon. Deep in thought, you miss Reigen slipping past you. He clears his throat and gestures to the seat across from him. You slide into the chair. Your spoon clanks against the bowl as you set it down. "I, um. Shit, I'm so sorry."

He seems surprised, a spoonful of soup halfway to his lips.

"What for?"

"Wh-" You blink. "Every... thing? I- I know sorry doesn't even cover it, but I-"

"Whoa, hey, okay." He shakes his hand in front of him. "Never mind, I'll go first, because I think you got the wrong idea and I'm not gonna let you apologize for anything that happened."

"But you trusted me, and I-"

"And I still do. That's- that was the whole- look, I-" He sighs. His spoon clanks as he sets it down, abandoned in favor of wringing his hands together. "I set you up."

"You-?"

"I didn't mean to! I thought- It was stupid, and I should have just told you what I was trying to do, I know , but I- I wasn’t exactly thinking straight, and I thought if I could speed up the process, then- I mean, there's only so many times you can put up with almost getting to- if I could- ugh, sorry, hang on."

He pinches the bridge of his nose. You swear your headache is reacting sympathetically, because pain shoots between your temples, dull but persistent. He goes to retrieve the coffees from the kitchen, just cool enough to drink, and you down some as soon as he hands you a mug.

"You've been so patient, and I know you would never do anything I didn't want, but I... I keep overthinking it. And I thought it would be the perfect excuse to... to not have to think about it at all. I mean that's- that's just what people do at parties, right, and- I mean, it was... ugh." He sits back down, his posture unnaturally rigid. He chooses his next words carefully, pausing between words as if he’s testing out different sentences in his head. "I trusted you… to not take it further than I was comfortable with… more than I trusted myself to… not panic over nothing. So, I- I saw the chance and I..." He gestures weakly, hand falling back to the table with a soft thump.

"Liquid courage."

He takes a sip of his coffee and slumps forward, holding his chin with one hand.

"You... got drunk on purpose?"

"Not originally, but, uh."

You nod slowly. Your stomach grumbles, and you realize you haven't actually eaten any of your soup. You take a reluctant spoonful, chewing slowly as you take everything in.

"When you froze up, it- I realized how little I had thought it through. I- it wasn't fair to you. You didn't do anything to- I never should have put you in that position in the first place."

"I... would have appreciated a warning, yeah."

"Sorry." He runs his hand through his hair and leaves it against the back of his neck. "I'm really sorry."

"Apology accepted." Reigen relaxes into his chair. As he stretches his legs out, one of his feet bumps against your ankle, and you laugh softly. "I'm still sorry, too. I should have asked more questions. And I didn't... I think I noticed something was wrong but I didn’t realize it was that frustrating for you. Before, I mean. I never wanted to make you feel like you had to do something like that."

"It's exclusively a me problem, I promise. I thought something would have worked by now. I don't... I don't really know what’s getting in the way." He shakes his head, breathing out sharply through his nose.

“I mean, literally speaking, your hands.” You laugh and take another sip of your coffee. He tilts his head. “Because, you know, y-you always grab my hand before I-?” He stares, unblinking. “Sorry, too soon to joke, probably,” you mutter into your cup, taking another sip just to have something to do.

When he moves again, it’s with a jerky start, sitting up and leaning forward. “My hands.”

“Yeah, I-”

“No, my hands.” He throws his elbows onto the table. The bowls clatter and his coffee sloshes; his chair scrapes against the floor as he stands. His wrists come together in front of you, palms up and fingers curled loosely, as he stares, silent, waiting for a glimpse of recognition to cross your face. It takes a moment, but when he finds it, he grins. “My hands.”

“If you want to stop-”

“Saying so has always been enough.”

You stand, leaning to match his eye level. You consider him, searching for hesitation, but you find none.

You take his hand, and you start pulling.

+

“This is… mine?” An old black tie lays across Reigen’s palms, the ends hanging loosely over his thighs.

“Yeah, you left it here. A while ago, I guess.” You shrug. “You never really liked it, though, plus you’re here all the time anyway, so I didn’t get around to giving it back, and it’s just been here ever since.”

As you slide the drawer closed, he catches a glimpse of an old t-shirt he left on his first night in your place, folded neatly in the back corner, under a small collection of his dress socks. 

There are signs of him everywhere, really, if he looks. His toothbrush in your bathroom, a blanket he bought you for your birthday draped over the back of the couch, his favorite sweater of yours hanging on the handle of the closet, never out of service long enough to make it in with the rest of your clothes.

He’s struck with the realization it’s not just in your things, your home, but in you, the way you gesture with an extra dramatic flourish that wasn’t there before, the unwavering, tight smile that settles on your face when you talk to clients, the softness in your voice when you welcome the kids into the office, quietly clearing a table for them to do homework on, the flashes of movement in the kitchen as you dash back and forth whenever you make recipes he taught you - favorites from when things were harder and uncertain and cooking was his escape, before even the hardest parts of his life were laced with joy.

He’s wearing off on you.

He’s known it for a while, but he’s never put it all together like this, never seen it all so neatly represented in a single black tie, satin and unassuming and full of possibility. You kick your abandoned shoe out of the way, pushing the door shut with a soft click that startles him just enough to draw his attention.

“Still okay?”

He wonders how you’ve worn off on him, which parts of him weren’t there before that he doesn’t notice, can’t notice.

“Yeah.” He nods. “I’m ready.”

He smooths his thumb over the fabric, watching it wrinkle and crease where he applies pressure. It slides across his palms, dragging slowly as you wrap one end around your hand, until he’s left with empty air, hands outstretched between you.

He feels light.

You take his hands in yours, turning them in toward each other, and start to lay the tie across his wrists.

“Oh, wait!” You pull back right away, and he holds up one finger. “Not- we should take my shirt off first.”

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!” You laugh and settle back onto your knees. “Yes, okay, let’s- yeah.”

Reigen stops halfway up. The fabric stays bunched when he lets go, and he pulls your hands to the exposed patch of skin. He can feel the tie, still wrapped around your palm, pressing against his side, cold and smooth, and he swallows thickly. As you drag your hands up, it slides up with you, and a shiver wracks through him when you finally pull the shirt off his arms.

He cups your face, pulling you into a kiss, fingers coming to press at the back of your neck to keep you against him as he topples backward. You catch yourself on one hand, the end of the tie flipping to rest over his shoulder as you climb to straddle him. He’s insistent, both hands tangling in your hair, little sighs and puffs of breath against your mouth as he refuses to pull away for air.

You press a kiss to his cheek to soothe the loss when you lean back. He drapes his arms over your shoulders, locking his fingers together behind your head.

“We could stay like this? My hands are… close-ish together.”

“I can’t see behind me to tie it, but,” you pull his hands around your head, “I’m sure we can figure it out after that.”

He nods. You turn his hands back toward each other and his fingers curl, knuckles pressing together as he relaxes. You drape the tie around his wrists, trying a few different ways of looping it but not finding anything you’re satisfied with.

“Sorry. I just wanna make sure you can get out if you need.”

“It’s alright. I like the attention.”

You freeze, a wobbly grin taking shape as your face heats up.

“‘Taka, I’m supposed to be the composed one!”

“I’m just trying to be honest!” He flexes his wrists, pressing his knuckles together to crack them.

“Don’t worry,” you press both ends of the tie between his hands and motion for him to hold them still, “I like giving you attention.” You fold the middle of the tie over to make two loops and start twisting them in on themselves. “And I wanna hear about it as much as you can bear.”

“You seem plenty composed to me.” He pinches his thumb between two fingers and squeezes.

“Quick recovery. I learned from the best.” You wink and put your fingers through the loops. “Here, hands in here.”

He flattens his hands to squeeze them through, stopping to let you shimmy the tie the rest of the way over. You hold the ends of the tie and give a quick tug before tying them together.

“There, it’ll have to do.” You slip a finger in each loop, making sure there’s enough room to be comfortable without him being able to slip out without meaning to. “It’s a little loose, so don’t pull too hard, okay?”

“Sure.” He folds his elbows down, letting his hands come to rest on his chest. He jerks one hand up toward his hair, pulling his other hand with it, and the tie snaps taut. He has the courtesy to look sheepish. “I’ll try.”

You roll your eyes, smile still wide.

“Hands above your head, please.”

“Hm?”

“I’d like to get at your neck.” You press up on his elbows, and he unfolds his arms. “Those were in the way.”

“O-oh. Right.”

You lean down, tilting his chin up with one hand, and press a kiss to his throat, savoring the way it moves as he swallows. You trail down until you reach his stomach, dragging your tongue along his skin on the way back up. He exhales sharply, breath moving your hair as you get closer to his face. He forces out a laugh, and he rolls one shoulder.

You glance up. The tie is already starting to come loose, untwisting in the middle, but his hands are clasped together, the tie held in place between his wrists, fingers over the ends.

You kiss him, quick and breathless, and slip your fingers under his waistband. When his breath hitches, you smooth your thumb along the bone there, a reassurance you won’t move yet. You can feel him tense under you, pressing up into your touch, then slowly settling back onto the mattress.

You’re both reluctant to acknowledge the fact that you have to get off of him to take his pants off. You do your best to shimmy them under you, and he lifts his hips to help, but you need both hands to make sure his boxers stay on for now, and you want to make sure he can move his legs, so eventually, begrudgingly, you climb off him.

He takes the opportunity to stretch, his back arching off the bed as you throw his pants off somewhere to worry about later.

“Ooh, pretty. Think you can do that for me again?” You press a thumb to the inside of his thigh, at the edge of where his boxer leg has ridden up, and he jumps, hips rolling against your touch.

“Trickery.” He squirms, a whine that refuses to come out shining through in his voice. “Not fair.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get plenty more chances.” You trail your fingers up his thigh, along the “v” of the bone, up his stomach. He shivers when you trail back down, your fingers catching on the waistband of his boxers to drag it over his skin before letting go, settling your hand lightly over the bulge in the fabric. It’s slightly damp against your skin, and Reigen chokes back a moan when you press down. 

You pull, grinding your palm down on his cock as the waistband moves until you can see the base of it, then you slide back up, tracing the outline of him with your fingers. When he whimpers, you’re too slow to hide your grin, and he glares halfheartedly.

“Having fun down there?”

“Oh, lots, thanks.” You slip your thumb below the elastic. “Seems like you are, too.”

“Hm.”

“Sorry, what was that?” You lift your hand with mock alarm, and he scrambles to reach for you, slowly lowering his arms to his chest when he sees your smile.

“Yes.”

“So, just to make sure, you are having fun?” It’s just as sarcastic as it is serious, and he seems to take it in equal measures, because he scoffs at the same time he nods. Both hands are on his hips now, both thumbs in his waistband, and you pull up gently to get him to lift his hips.

“Good boy.”

You’re not sure you would have felt it if you weren’t holding him, but he definitely shudders, trembling where your fingers press into his skin.

“Arataka.”

“Hmm?” He sounds breathless, and his chest heaves with effort, the rest of him as still as he can keep it.

“Should I keep calling you a good boy?”

“Um. If you want.” He jerks his hips up, and you take the hint to slide his boxers off, keeping an eye on his face as you do. You climb between his legs and lean over him, wrapping your hand slowly around his cock, firmly but gently, your thumb over the tip.

He squeaks, and he tenses, but he doesn’t reach for your hands.

“You’re doing so well, ‘Taka.” He swallows, and he shifts his hands, twisting the tie so he can lay his arms closer to his hair. “Such a good boy for me.” Precum oozes out of his slit, and you feel it roll down your hand.

“Mhm.” You lean back on your heels. “How about this? You tell me what feels good, and every time you do,” you pull your thumb down, spreading the precum along his length, “I’ll let you know just how much I appreciate it. Sound good?”

He nods, and you stop moving.

“Can I hear you say it?”

“Yes,” he breathes, pressing his wrists together, “yes, sounds good.”

“Good job.” When you lean to kiss him, grip tightening to keep his dick down against his stomach, his knuckles brush over your hair. “So perfect.”

You start slow, focusing more on touching every inch of him then keeping any sort of rhythm. When you trail up the vein on the underside, he shivers, and he gasps when you squeeze the base, and his hips jerk up when you pass over his slit, one leg coming up to press his ankle against your side. It’s not until you slip your other hand around him, though, arm passing through the space created by the bend of his knee to settle on his outer thigh, that he says anything.

“Fuck, that, more of that. P-please.”

“This hand?” You press your fingers into his thigh. He presses back.

“Yeah. I need… just, hold onto me.”

“Okay. Yeah, of course, sweetheart.” You scoot closer to wrap your hand tighter around his leg, spreading your legs to slip your knee underneath him. Once he relaxes, the full weight of his leg on yours, you press a kiss to his knee. “Good boy.”

“Shit,” he laughs, squirming closer to you. “S’not close enough.”

“Let me try something, then.” You slide backwards, reluctantly letting his leg fall to the bed, and you shimmy onto your stomach. When you pull his leg over your shoulder, he immediately hooks his ankle into your back and lets out a breathy moan. The pressure makes it a little harder to reach back around his thigh, but he relaxes into it easier, and the view is incredible. “There you go, perfect.”

You start up a little faster this time, twisting your wrist as you move up and down, and he bucks up into your hand. You risk a kiss to his thigh and his hands fly to your hair, the ends of the tie flowing down against your cheek.

“Sorry, too much?”

“Not enough.” His voice is scratchy now, and he gives a little tug once he gets a hold of you. “Can you, don’t put it- but, closer?”

“You want me here instead?” You press a kiss to the underside of his cock, flipping the loose ends of the tie out of the way to lay across his hip.

“Y-yes. Yes, fuck.”

“Gladly.” Between words, you pepper kisses along his shaft, following the trail of your hand up and down. “Thank you for letting me do this for you. You look so beautiful like this, feeling so good.”

He starts to make a noise of protest, but it quickly shifts into a stifled groan when you press a kiss to his tip, just barely letting your tongue drag across his slit as you pull away.

He whines and bucks his hips to follow you, and you can’t help but let an incredulous laugh slip out. “Alright, love, I’m gonna give you a choice, okay?”

He swallows thickly, then nods.

“Option one, you can tell me exactly how you want me to make you come. If you want my hand or my mouth or to go faster or slower or anything at all you just have to say the word. But I won’t do anything you don’t tell me, so you’ll have to say exactly what you want.”

His breathing is ragged, and he twitches in your grasp. “And option two?”

You grin and lean over him, propping yourself up on one hand. “I do whatever makes you the loudest, and if you stop making those pretty noises for me, I stop.” He seems to flinch at that, and you brush his hair back. “Just for a little while.”

He takes a shaky breath, eyes fluttering closed, and he pulls his arms in and down to drape one across his forehead. The tie was never really secure in the first place, but after quite a bit of pulling and flailing, it’s fully undone by now, nothing but luck and stubborn determination holding the loops in place around Reigen’s wrists.

“Both options, of course, come with all sorts of praise and admiration.” You slip a finger under the fabric and give a light tug. He lifts his hands to let the tie slide free.

When he opens his eyes, a shudder running down his spine, he sees you absent-mindedly tying the tie around your neck, uneven and loose, hanging down between you to brush against his stomach. He’s sure you just needed somewhere to put it, something to do with your hands, but it flips a strangely possessive switch somewhere inside him. Not because he’s seeing you in his clothes - he’s had the privilege of that many times before - but because you’ve taken the thing that was supposed to restrain his ability to fuck up the situation, taken something he left safe for you to keep track of without even realizing he’d done it, taken the symbol of his presence in your space and your time and your life, and you’ve put it on without a second thought. He thinks of his misguided reasoning that got you into this situation, that he trusts you with him more than he trusts himself, and he knows what he wants.

For once, words are failing him, which just makes the choice even easier.

“Second one.”

Your eyebrows raise a little, like you’re surprised at his answer, and he almost takes it all back, but then you’re grinning and leaning down to cup his jaw, kissing him like he’s giving you the only air you could ever breathe, and he moans into your mouth.

You lean away just enough to pull in a gasp of air, fingers sliding to tangle into the base of his hair.

“Just like that, gorgeous.”

He laughs, sucking in a shaky breath as you wrap your hand around him again. It pinches into a sort of strained whimper as he starts to quiet himself and thinks better of it, and you start moving.

“That’s it, good boy, just let me take care of everything.”

For all he got into his head before, breaking the seal of touching him seems to have removed any last bits of hesitation, because he relaxes into your touch almost immediately. Your experimenting earlier left you with a good idea of what will get the best noises out of him, and he doesn’t hold back. You’re silently thankful, not only because you get to hear him, but also because you’re not sure you could have followed through on your threat of stopping. And if he’s exaggerating for your sake, all clipped moans and raspy mumbling and bucking hips, well, you’re not going to complain.

After a particularly tight stroke up his cock and a brush of teeth up the inside of his thigh, he pulls one arm over his mouth, pushing it against his lips with his other hand. You’re still deciding if that counts as muffling his sounds enough to slow down when he bites his wrist and yelps, a loud, desperate, frantic noise that seizes what little of your attention isn’t already on him. His head tips back as he struggles to prop himself up on one elbow, hand flipping to clamp down over his mouth, and you can see the bite mark, lines pressed into the pale skin just below the jut of bone where palm meets wrist. It takes you a minute to realize he’s saying something, your brain struggling to piece his noises together into words.

“Can I have your hand?” You hum, scrambling to extract your hand from his leg. “I just- I need,” he opens and closes his hands, “something.” When you hold your hand up blindly toward him, he takes it quickly and holds on tight, fingers lacing together with yours. He gives a few tugs, and you hurry to sit up.

“Please, I need- I can’t take it anymore.” He looks frantic, eyebrows pinched together and his chest heaving with ragged, shaky breaths. His hips buck wildly, quick and shallow into your curled fingers. You realize you’ve forgotten to keep moving as you were watching him, and you quickly correct your mistake, reveling in the shiver that racks through him as your thumb swipes over his tip.

He’s begging now, your name falling out in pieces between gasps and cries; he’s still tugging at your hand like you can’t get close enough, pressing his lips to your jaw like he can’t quite remember how to leave kisses there. He pitches his hips up and presses against you, knees coming together to press into your sides, pinning your hand against your torso as he lets out a final shuddering whimper.

He comes across your fingers, his whole body tense as he holds himself up, back arched and head rolled to the side. He moves to wrap his arms around you, forgetting that his elbow is supporting him, and he pulls you down with him as he falls the short distance to the mattress.

You do your best to roll off him without letting go of him during the aftershocks, but you’re not exactly paying attention to where you’re still holding, and he yelps again from the overstimulation. You yank your hand away with half an apology, smoothing your hand up his side as you lift yourself up on your other arm.

“Nono, wait, don’t-” He scrambles to grab you wherever he can, and you intercept him before he can smack you across the face.

“It’s okay, ‘Taka, s’okay. I’m not going anywhere. I just didn’t wanna crush you. Let’s sit up so you can get some water, alright? All that noise can really make your throat sore, I know.” You slip your hands under him, one at the small of his back and one between his shoulders, gently lifting him toward the headboard. “That’s it. You’re okay. I gotcha.”

Once he’s upright, a glass of water in two shaky hands, you lean over the side of the bed to fumble for a washcloth. When he doesn’t slow down on his own, you start to reach for the glass, but he pulls away for a big gulp of air before you can.

“How you feelin’?”

He doesn’t answer right away, leaving you to fidget with the cloth, slowly reaching for his thigh. He lets his eyes slide closed as you start to wipe him off, smoothing an apologetic thumb over his hip when he hisses from the sensitivity. You wipe your hand on a mostly clean corner before you chuck it in the general direction of the hamper, silently relieved when it makes it in.

“I think I died.” His hands are still shaking as he goes to set the glass on your nightstand, and you gingerly take it from him, lifting yourself up to set it on the far corner where neither of you can accidentally knock it off later. “I understand you now.”

“You didn’t die, I promise.” You allow yourself a smirk and pull a blanket up from the end of the bed. “That’s high praise, though.”

“You’re high praise.”

“You’re the one that liked it so much.”

He rolls his eyes, too tired to argue. As you pull yourself up the bed to sit beside him, he leans over, one hand sliding behind you to rest on your hip. Now that he doesn’t have the distraction of everything else, you can tell he’s starting to think, because his ears are tinting pink and he’s fidgeting with a string on the edge of the blanket.

“Doesn’t mean I wasn’t happy to oblige.”

You scoop his hand into yours, leaving the blanket’s seams to live another day, and examine the bite mark on his wrist.

“I can’t believe I did that.” He scoffs, shaking his head a little as you turn his arm over. “The hell was I thinking?”

“Obviously you weren’t, which is both the point and very hot, so hush.” He turns away stubbornly, but he looks pleased. “You could probably say a spirit did it. Biting seems like an evil ghost thing to do, right?”

“With clearly human teeth?”

“Maybe it… stole them?”

He laughs, pulling away from your grip to get comfortable against your side. Just as you start to drift off, soothed by the sound of his breathing slowing and his weight settling on you as he relaxes, you feel his fingers walking down your hip, making their way to your thigh. You crack one eye open, and he looks away with obviously fake innocence.

“Where you going with that hand, darling?”

He smiles, bright and daring, as his fingers dig in. “Your turn?”

You consider it. You’re not quite capable of fully ignoring how turned on seeing him like this has made you. There’s a bit of nervous energy, buzzing over what’s left of your hangover, excitement, the joy that bubbles up in your chest at seeing him smiling at you like that, everything coming together in an overwhelming, swirling feeling of wanting whatever he will give you. But there’s something else, a calm undercurrent to it all, coating the emotion in quiet and directing it all back to a single point, solid and unwavering and right .

More than anything, you are content.

He sees your expression and laughs, must know what you’re going to say the moment you decide, because he mouths the words along with you as he pulls his hand back up to your hip.

“Maybe next time.”

[skrunksthatwunk]

have just been introduced to a kitten named rascal who lives on my floor and whose babysitters (who are not his owner?) were trying Really hard to goad me into adopting which like. he's a little baby and he's so so so silly and he barely even bit me but like also. this cat isn't yours???? anyway if the owner's giving him up then I might finally have a cat which like AHHHHHG

[jarofstyles]

22 ☹️

SCREEEECH yes bc I love drunkrry and it fits in my brain. Here’s a baby blurb

Numbers for the prompts

Patreon

----

Y/N was trying hard to pay attention to the uber location on her phone, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that was not going to happen.

Not if a large, giggly, drunk man with unsteady, gangly limbs wrapped up around her like a life support had anything to do about it.

"Baby. Babyyyyyy." A honest and true whine came from her boyfriend's mouth, fingers squeezing her sides and somehow burrowing his face closer into her neck. "S'enough. The car will- it'll come when it comes. I want y'to hug me back." If he wasn't attached to her, she was positive he would have stomped his foot on the sidewalk.

It was cold out, his arms underneath the jacket she had stolen from his closet earlier. His fingers had wiggled their way under her shirt and tucked under her waistband. He was being cheeky, hands on her ass under the safety of the jacket and holding the bare skin but he didn't make a move to go further. Normal clingy Harry had absolutely nothing on drunk, clingy Harry.

"I just want to be sure I'm paying attention, H." She laughed, tucking the phone into her jacket pocket. He was for sure gone, giggly and stumbly like a baby deer. Harry rarely got drunk drunk, but each time amused her more than the last. Her boyfriend was always a bit goofy and silly, but introduce alcohol it could go a few different ways. So far she had seen comedian Harry, professor of aquatic pets Harry (He watched online videos), Business mogul Harry (telling someone at the bar the deal was bad, all while not knowing a thing about the business- he was convincing), Historian Harry, DJ Harry, the list goes on. This had to be her favorite, though.

Harry just liked being loved on. Giving love, receiving it, but especially from her. When he spoke, he would make sure she was looking or listening, pouty when someone else had her eyes or ears. Once he passed the tipsy line, he was a bit of a cute little menace.

"Jus' give me a cuddle. Please?" He mewled. "I'm cold and tired and I wanna go home, but I want to cuddle." there was a pause. "Hey, when the car comes, you should sit on my lap. It'll be warmer."

"Not safe, Darling." She cooed, not wanting to upset him. He tended to cry easier in this state. "We can cuddle in bed when we get home. You need to brush you teeth and change." A shower was not going to happen, simply because she knew the moment she got in there to hold him steady he would try to grope her and insist they should do at least 'hand stuff.'

"You're no fun." He huffed, though his demeanor changed once she laid her head on his chest and hooked her arms around him, mirroring him by tucking them under his coat. Thankfully her boyfriend was a furnace. "Fine. We can cuddle at home. And kiss." The last part snuck in must have seemed smooth to her, but she could almost hear his though process.

"Alright, H. After you drink some water and brush those teeth. Can't lose the bunny teeth from rot, can we?"

"Nope." He popped the P, tugging her closer. "We won't." The words muffled as he hid his face back in her neck, one hand abandoning her ass to tuck her head right in the same place on him. "Not gonna lose any teeth annnnnd we're going to cuddle. And kiss. And maybe do hand stuff." The last not so slick add in made her bite him through his shirt lightly, making him whine.

"No. Too bad, drunky pants. Nothing until you're stone cold sober. Y'know the rules." Her stern words were ruined by how cute he was, the wet little pout making her sigh before placing a chaste peck to him. It seemed to perk him up well enough.

"Yeah... You're right. Kay. We will canoodle and do hand stuff in the morning."

[kaiasky]

Complete-ish Guide To Settings You Might Want to Change

These instructions will be for desktop, because the settings are easier to find there. You can do the same on mobile, but it might be in different places.

Dash settings

Your dashboard is broken down into several feeds, including "Following" and "For You".

"Following" is primarily the posts of people you follow, "For You" is algorithmic.

If you just joined, "For You" is default, if you're a longtime user it's "Following". You can change this in the settings on the right

A lot of longtime users will tell you that the Following feed is where we spend most of our time. But try out all the feeds, and see what you like most.

The settings that are settings:

To start, click the settings gear under the account icon (the abstract person head).

This should take you to the General tab. Key settings:

Community Labels: By default anything NSFW is silently hidden. You can change how each subtype is handled.

Hide Additional Mature Content: If you have an iPhone disable this or it'll hide every post from you on the off-chance it contains porn.

If you're under 18 as determined by the birthdate you entered on signup, you can't change these. (If you want them on, you'll have to make a new account and lie)

Under the "Dashboard" tab, you can enable timestamps, which is mostly just nice information to have. sometimes a post is from 2010 and you can be like wow.

The next four probably have the biggest impact on your tumblr experience, so I'm gonna do a breakdown.

Best Stuff First reorders your "Following" to have popular posts at the top. Disabling it makes your feed chronological. I like it off, but up to you.

Include Stuff In Your Orbit and Based On Your Likes put various content from "For You" into "Following". Personally, I disable them to keep "Following" purely posts by people I follow, and then switch between feeds to get what I want.

Followed Tag Posts will put content from the "Your Tags" feed into your "Following" feed. Since you can go to the separate tags feed, I usually turn this off (it tends to show me a lot of duplicate posts), but up to you.

Under the "Notifications" tab you can tell Tumblr to stop sending you emails.

I'd recommend disabling all the emails--if you get a bunch of replies, Tumblr will happily send you dozens of emails, and you don't need that.

Notifications is the push-notifications in-app/in-website. The mobile app, for some reason, has a much better interface for controlling these, including the option to only get activity-notifications for mutuals. You can leave these on, or turn them off if you find the flood of notifications is distracting.

Tumblr News is a newsletter, it usually just has content from @fandom and the other staff-run recap blogs.

Conversational notifications sends you more emails.

Under the "Tumblr Labs" tab you can enable a bunch of cool beta tests.

I particularly suggest Reblog Graphs, What you Missed tab, & Popular Reblogs tab, but they're all fun to try out. A lot of these are honestly better than the For You dashboard.

For each blog you have, you can customize it's Blog Settings. Beyond things like setting an avatar or description, there's a few settings that are fun.

Custom Theme gives you your own subdomain at [blogurl].tumblr.com.

This makes your blog easier to search, and a lot of 3rd party tools depend on you enabling it. It also makes it easier to link your posts to people who don't have tumblr accounts.

You can completely customize the CSS/HTML/Javascript. you can go legitimately crazy. It's not a requirement, but if you want unlimited flexibility, go wild.

On the contrary, if you wanna run a more private blog, you can disable this and then hide your blog from search results/non-registered users.

Likes and Following are public by default. I like to turn these off so I don't have to worry about like, "what will people think if they see i'm following [...] or liking [...]". But it's also fair to keep them public if you'd like.

The other Blog Settings are important but pretty self-explanatory I think.

Finally, there's some useful tools I like:

XKit Rewritten - A bunch of scripts (like RES for Reddit). The one I really like is "mutual checker", which shows at a glance which blogs you are in mutuals with. Which is such a good feature it's included in the mobile apps by default i think.

siikr.tumblr.com - Tumblr search is bad, and google's indexing of tumblr blogs is worse. Siikr will find any post you've made on your blog. Because disk space is limited, only use it to search your blog, and if you're tech savvy consider running a local copy from source.

[danaduchy]

all texts from Kerry

Found Henry Holy shit, Henry's on board. Way to go! Check outta rehab of his own free will… thru the window, hehe. Some nurse tried to stop us - at first I thought she wanted an autograph, but she didnt even recognize me. Tell you the rest later How's it going with Nancy? S'all under control That's what I like to hear

Samurai's back together What about Johnny? He amped for this gig or meh? * As amped as he's ever been. Must be important to him cuz otherwise I wouldnt be forced to take this stupid pseudoendotrizine * Hard to say. You know how he is Well I'm amped as fuck, if anyone's wonderin. It'll be fuckin shimra - just gotta remember not to get too wasted before. Old habits die hard, haha

Waiting for you Kerry? Where are you? On the way. Chill. Gotta change

What's up, V? Too bad you split so quick after the concert - we didn't even get a chance to chat I barely know anything about you, except you've got a shit-ton goin on inside You're the one who left early That so? Hm, maybe. Anyway, it was fuckin nova, wasn't it? Shoulda recorded it for you cause you didn't catch anything thru Johnny

Hey! Heey. So I cant stop thinkin about our little adventure. FUCKIN AWESOME. Thats how you live life. ON THE EDGE :> * Who doesnt like explosions and races right? :) Lemme know if the rest of your plan worked out Sure, I'll text or call ;) If I can't convince you to blow up anythin else, then at least we can go for a drink. Take care! * Egh, day just like any other. Hope it helped you tho Pff, sound more nonchalant than a karaoke star from kabuki ;) I'll be in touch

Coffee at Caliente Know what? I'm glad we got a chance to talk over coffee. You're a straight shooter, V. Nothing like the ass-kissers I'm usually surrounded by. It's good we did what we did, right? Blowing that van to bits? Cuz I been thinking… * To be honest, got no clue if anything good will come of it. I agreed cuz you paid me. Honest as ever, huh? Means I was right about you. Appreciate that, V. I really do. Don't ever change. * It was the right thing to do. And you've got nitro running through your veins. Don't you ever let yourself think otherwise! Nitro in my veins? Yeah, and a fuse sticking out of my ass. Least that's what I felt back then. Was worth it, though - slept like a fucking baby for the first time in ages. Talk to you later. Thanks again!

Reward Hey, forgot to send the eddies before, but should hit your account any sec. PREEM WORK :>

Where are you? Well, where are you? At this rate I'm gonna be a fuckin skeleton by the time you get here.. Move your ass or forget about this whole thing Dunno where you are or what you're up to, but I'm a busy fuckin man. Forget about it - don't have time for this shit Srsly, V? Ditched me with the badges and split? Shitty move. We're fuckin THROUGH Where the fuck are you? Grrr doesnt matter. I'm checkin out, goin home. Call ya if somethin comes up

answer yr phone!!! Hey, V. Got a job for you. Corner of Grey and Mallagra. Be there first thing in the morning, we'll talk it over. I'm fucking livid, V! Those Us Cracks bitches clearly didn't get the hint. Instead of cancelling after we blew up their truck, they just moved their show to another date! Meet me at Riot ASAP. We'll deal with them differently this time. The Us Skanks still wanna fuck me over and record the cover, V! On top of that, their lawyers won't stop yappin'. We really need to talk. I'm at Dark Matter right now. Come 'round the back, the bouncers will let you in. It's easier to reach my dead grandma than you, V! Anyway, Us Cracks are done, for real this time. We should celebrate! Stop by Dark Matter. Use the back entrance.

What's up? Hey, hows it going? Ownin the streets of NC? * More like tryna survive. Let's just say the city and I are even Sweet. What's that? What's up with me? Nice of you to ask. Hammerin out some sick tunes. Ok, more like trying to hammer out. Keep your fingers crossed * Hey hey, you could say that. Lotta stuffs been happenin - even without you! :O Yeah yeah, whatever! I'm stringin together some fresh tunes… OK, more like thinking about some fresh tunes. Keep your fingers crossed

Missed holocall! V! Whatever you're doing right now - drop it and come see me at the Marina. Pier four.

Scratch that! Spoke too soon Slight change of plans - waitin on an important delivery and the fuckin gonk's late. Be at the marina at 7pm!

Kova-chek this out :D Kovachek went ballistic when he found out the yacht went up in smoke! Even went back on those pills that turn him into you know, whatever the opposite of a cyberpsycho is. More goo than a man haha this is greaaaaat! * Ouch. Musta sunk a lotta eddies into that float! :P Speakin of dickheads tho - turns out he stashed a ton of drugs on board! Like, two yachts' worth. And we sent aaaall of that to the bottom of the sea :D Bay's full of fish high off their fins now! * Literally zero living organisms in that bay, Ker. Yeah duh they they took their happy fishy asses down to the spaceport and went to la la land. Anyway tellin ya whenever I'm down, I think about our seaventure and it's like insta good feels :* * Wow. What now? Feel like blowing more of his shit up. Think he's got a luxury crib somewhere in the Rockies… Something to think about… :P FUCK NO! I GOT IT! We make a Kovachek voodoo doll! Can't wait to stab that prick right in the dick :D * I really don't care about that dick, Kerry. Fine OK. As long as you care about MY dick, that is :P

Hey :* Heeey, how's it hanging? Everything all right? I'll just come right out and say it - I miss you. Just a little bit though ;) You coming by anytime soon? * Miss you too, if you can believe that. See? We're tuned to the same frequency. I'll try to swing by sometime. Preem. I'll be waiting! * Hey! Well well, look who's suddenly spilling their guts out :P Dunno when I can drop by though :/ Sad face :( But fine - I know the world doesn't revolve around me. It sucks, but that's the way it is. Take care! * Been thinking about you… Thinking about you too. You're like some chorus to this incredible song that's been stuck in my head lately. On loop :) * What's new? Still conquering the world with music? Planning to! :) don't really know if there's anything left to conquer though. You're already mine, right? (I know, I knooooow, it's cringe. But I couldn't hold myself back!) Latest song I wrote - read it and weep. Wrote it while thinking of you: "Where you whisper, open up your heart / Reveal the place where I once had a heart" Whaddaya think? * I like it. It's gentle, but still has a bite. And knowing you, probably has multiple meanings ;) Exactly! I knew you'd get it :*** * Hmm, you were thinking about me when you wrote that? Dunno if that's good or bad :< it's up to you - that's the whole point! :* * Got a bunch of things on my plate right now. Times are tough. Oh, OK, cool. Do what you gotta do. We'll talk later, no prob.

Serious business Check it out, V. Got this email from a lifelong fan. It's serious. Gotta write her back. Dear Mr. Eurodyne, the day we both have been waiting for is finally upon us! I got rid of my husband, my house and all the other remnants of my former life. Now, I'm truly ready to give you my heart and all my other organs, should you desire them. You are the Sun and I am the Moon - I live to bask in your radiant brilliance. I love you, Mr. Eurodyne, and eagerly anticipate the time we'll finally be together. We will meet soon - I'm sure you know exactly where." She also sent me a gift card to a junk shop in Providence, wherever the fuck that is. It's clear she's nuts, just not sure if it's the murder-suicide variety. She writes me same day every year, like clockwork. What if she dissolved her man in a vat of acid, burned down her house and now she's sharpening her sickle cuz I'm next!? What are we gonna do, V??? * You really worried about her? More importantly: Kerry Eurodyne actually reads fan mail? Adorable. Yeah, yeah, Kovachek usually deals with all that shit. Even signs photos and sends them to the fans. But the fucker always forwards stuff from this crazy broad. Gets his rocks off fuckin with my blood pressure. Anyway, thought you might get a kick out if it. Seriously though, I should probably do something. Don't want her to knock on my bedroom door a year from now. * What, your first psycho groupie? Unbelievable :D Don't worry about it. We'll deal with her. Fuckin preem. What should I do, V? Ideas?? * Call the Providence PD. Let them scare her off? Or better yet, put her in a straitjacket? Boooring! 'Sides, cops mean lawyers and I hate dealing with them even more than I hate Kovachek's guts. No worries, I'll think of something else.You're in charge here. * Why not have a bit of fun? Write her back, give her Kovachek's address and say you'll be waiting for her there exactly one year from now :P Hahahaha you beautiful fucking GENIUS! Think I'll do exactly that. He'll shit himself when he sees her! We'll set up a camera and film it, too. Can't wait!Not worth your time. * She probably thinks she's pregnant with Lizzy Wizzy's love child, too. Check if the store has a netpage, see if they ship to NC and get yourself something nice! Smart! I'll see if they have anything worth my while. Get myself a studded choker. Or one of them Russian stacky doll-in-a-doll-in-a-doll things. Thanks, V! Later

Truth or Dare! I'm boooooooored, V. Let's play Truth or Dare! :D * Really don't have time for this, Ker. Cmon, don't be like that. TRUTH or DARE??? * Fuck it. Dare. OK, here it goes. Hope I got your full attention! OKOK here's your dare: "Survive one year with a rockstar" :D * Cheeky ;) Guess I can give it a try ;) * Don't know if I have time for that, Kerry. * Truth! Got nothing to hide. Here it goes: "After a little good morning sex, what I really want is…" * Coffee and cigarettes. Glass of whiskey if I need a little hair of the dog…

* Scrambled eggs. Clearly.

Puzzle by yrs truly V! Made one of them picture riddles for you, V! Wanna see it? :D Fuck yeah you do! Heeeere goes! …69 <3 * Not right now, Kerry. Got some other things on my mind… No worries. Listen, we all have days like this. Thinking of you here with my little puzzle, hope that helps :* * Really, Ker? Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Yeah, yeah, just warming up! Okay, get ready for round two! |$| >< #o.O# ;( * Kerry slapped the shit out of Kovachek! * Rockstars are the best spankers! Sorry, all you get is a kiss :* * My man is shit at puzzles :* You got it, you shrewd beast :D Congrats! Your reward - a Kerry Eurodyne sextape! Now all that's left is to shoot it :P I'll send you something sweet <3

Personality test You're not gonna believe this, V. I took one of those personality tests and apparently, I'm a NARCISSIST! Can you believe that shit?? * You, a narcissist? That can't be right. I know, right? Good thing you're smart about these things. You're so sweet, babe :* * Might be some truth to it if I'm REAL honest :) You do… tend to be an arrogant snob. Not to mention your ego's the size of a small planet :* Haha took the test again and now it says I'm a sociopath! Told you it's all bullshit! Told you I'm not a narcissist! Honestly you should listen to me, I'm smarter than whatever "scientist" came up with this shit!

Ah V fuuuck worlds biggest hangover, shakes and willies. Need a kind soul to tell me I'll come out the other side OK :-/ my age be damned ;-| * Textin ya from Dtown, 'hood's the very embodiment of shakes and willies * Got a gig, mebbe not worlds biggest but mondo anyway. This is me needin assurance I'll come out the other end in 1 piece Ever in the thick of shit, eh? It's where your&Johnny's minds meet, both uber vibe on it. JS better be fuckin happy - is he? * Need better candy to pop at raves, physio venting helps, mutes nerves, you'll stride strong, won't bother us workin peeps! Srsly V - soundin like you need time off, ad hoc vacay. U know, throw the monkey off your back, dunno, air your skull sponge. * Could be, just not now Handlin ginormous gig in Dogtown. Elbow deep in it, serious as a heart attack. * That an invite….? ;> Dunno, maybe…? My door's wiiiiiiide open, always ;> * Got this biz I gotta tend to first, one way or another… Oh ok mystery man - you do you. gotta say, findin this diss kinda titillating. Is it the masochist in me? tension's… ooooh, got my mouth watering. * Right, I know. One of these days - surprise! You'll see, be at your front door. Only if I'm home, obvi. You're textin a raucous, go-get-'em busy man… * OOO-K. So get lost, find a release. * Hmm, you're temptin me to call. Will do, given time. Do do do, plz. I'll be waitin <3

OK then I'll play support - we're all gonna all right, better'n all right - golden Which is DEF NOT me now - after a fuckin weird-ass 48 hrs, and this is me talkin…! just straaange… like unbelievably so Ahem, got stories to tell, solid gold * well, yeah, might find it a lil hard to believe… welp, hope you're whole and fine and happy. If you are, suck it. Dissin somebody like this - not nova, choom, supra unpreem * OK spill So dig this - meet-up w the enemy, competing publishing bitchez. Top dogz, bubbly flowin, rails vanishing up noses - all in back of a stretch cuz they out to impress my ass with their asses. Kinda sad, really. Gotta give 'em an e for effort, tho - they say: choom, got a mountain o' eddies for ya. N I say, really - where from? N they say, our mountain's a volcano, it'll spew scratch like lava… Hm i say, how's that? N they say, Zetatech product placement - next tour, choom so I says let's go - Zetatech now! they practically jizz. Zetatech HQ I get out, drop my pants and moon eveybody lookin out the windows of the building while I give the bitchez in the limo the finger at the same time. N i called Delamain.\nDel and me, we rollin, talkin anti-iperialism - any sense in it given the state of the world? Know what? we actually come to a conclusion - that nuthin makes sense anymore. So we go on rollin, and go on talkin and drinnk myself into grief. 18 hours later Del dropped me by my crib. He wished me GOOD LUCK IN THIS WORLD. choom was deep depressed, so much so he gave me a discount * Could've happened to Kerry and Kerry alone, that Plain to see, admit it, I just might be the king of NC's nightlife * vive le roi! and may the consort bask in his light ;> xoxo * hm, yeah, no titles more important than that… BETTER FUCKIN BELIEVE IT. * Oooh could go for a convo about life's futility. But DT takes no prisoners forgives no mistakes - need to focus. salty! somebody's in a m0000d * well, just don't see your parties and hangovers as overly important to me just now, if ever * yeah, sorry, just this gig, shitstorm, tense, lots to handle OK I get it, all crystal. Need a lil cheerin up or just leave you the fuck alone? * may be better off just leavin me alone, I'll ping you later, OK? say no more, luv ya and dreamin daily about your sweet tush <3 Eurodyne out * cheerin up, plz :) OK catch: How ya get a bass player to have that gleam in his eye? Shine a flashlight in his ear. That help any? * yup, did wonders :D thx raise you on the holo later, 'kay? * hm, not great, but I won't hold it against you. cute of you to try ok, so here's somethin to keep you warm at night in the meantime, you sweet precious thing <3

You doing anything? Yo, why haven't you shot me a message or nothin? I'm sitting over here like a dumbass waitin for my phone to start buzzin… * Sorry, Ker! You know how it is, life and shit… I know I know, didn't mean to be a total prick * I was just about to text you! Uh huh… suuuure… * You coulda shot me one too, y'know :P The fuck do you think I'm doin right now?!? So listen, how busy are ya? Gotta admit, I'm gettin the itch real bad. Like, a good itch, to see you I mean. * Sounds great! My megabuilding pad maybe? A megabuilding, huh? I mean, sure, guess that'll work… * Then I'll be waitin for ya at my Northside apartment :) Preem. Then I'll get there when I get there. * Let's meet up in Japantown. Just a hop and a skip for you ;) Perfect! * Can you drive over to the Glen? Love to see you too <3 I can do whatever the fuck I want. * Whaddaya say to a little date downtown? My Corpo Plaza place? Ohhh baby, my ass is already out the door! * I'm free! Wanna swing by Dogtown? You outta your mind? No fucking way! Either we meet in NC proper or I ain't goin out. Don't forget to tidy up a bit, yeah? ;)

Goooood morning, Night City! And you, V! Listen, I'm bored outta my mind. Wanna be bored together at least? You asleep? :P Oh, what's that? You want me to come over? Sure! You're one hot piece of ass, you know that right? You were in my dream last night. A good one. Don't worry, I ain't mad at dream V or nothin - in fact I wanna meet up! I hit a creative block, need some inspiration. I need you. I'm coming over. * Sounds good :) Megabuilding apartment then. Hope you remember which one's mine! On my way! * Genius idea from a genius himself. I'll be waitin for ya in Northside <3 Guess this means I have to change outta my bathrobe. The sacrifices we make! * Japantown. Now. :P Preem! Callin a Delamain right now! * Missed you too. Come to the Glen :) * Sounds like it's time for a trip downtown. My Corpo Plaza pad to be exact * Swing by Dogtown, I'll show you my fixer-upper :P Over my cold, dead, bullet-riddled body! The fuck you even doing there?! Get back to civilization, V! * haha XD so, right now's not good, but don't worry - I'll be thinkin of ya ;) Oh so that's how you wanna play this… nah, just messin, V. wink, wink. I'll catch ya another time!

I like you, V. Thought I owed you a little reminder of that. And hey, not to impose or nothin, but if you wanna spend some more time together, don't be such a coward about it, y'know? Hit me up!! * I like you too, Kerry. I'll let ya know :) Ain't we an adorable fuckin pair of sweethearts! Ha! * No imposing. I'd love to see you again soon too ;) Careful with those boundaries now, V. Let em down too far and I might just move right in! * Course! Soon as I find some time, you'll be the first to know! You honor me, sir! Hang tough out there, V. And remember - don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Hey, Ker! Life's been feelin a lil empty without ya… wanna meet up? So, wanna see me again? Fuck yeah! Your place ok? Heeey! I do, I do! Just… can't right now. Schedule's crammed. But I'll be in touch real soon!

I fucking love surprises! Yo, V, this is a nice ride! Seems like whenever you're on my mind all I can think about is rides ;) * Yeah I know ;) * I love surprising you :) As crazy as my life is, without you it'd be boring as hell <3 Thanks for the flowers! Thank christ they're artificial cuz I'm allergic to pollen. Sneezing, goopy eyes, the whole fuckin thing. Also… "Feedback"? What? Did we hook up at one of my concerts? Honestly I can't remember. * Totally. Speaker feedback fused our audio systems somehow. Made the sex interesting at least. Whaaa, well whatever, I don't need the whole sciency mumbo jumbo :D * You kiddin? How could you forget! Man, what the fuck was I on that night…

Won't see me for a while Gonna need to vanish for a while maybe a month or so. Hope you didn't have any romantic escapades planned and all set up :P Nooo :( Who'm I gonna take to the N54 rave then? :((( * Shiiiit mean to say I'm gonna miss an N54 party? Wanted to surprise you… Real fucking shame :/ I know ;( We'll crash multiple raves when I'm back in town tho :) Promise! * Take someone else feel free but just this once. Long as you promise - no hand holdin' no indecent stuff no INTIMACY mental neither :P Oh please faithful's my middle name :* Fuck really wish you could make it Make it up to you 100%

Long time no see :] There's this merc I know and haven't seen for a while… oh yeah it's you! :D C'mon pick up gotta tell you how wasted me and Slavoy McAllister got at this N54 rave xD Think we might've burnt down half the studio… by accident ofc XDD Hey, V? Pick up, choom Still can't top you 'n' me as a wrecking crew ;) Fuck, you ok? Pick up dammit not funny V 13 missed calls from: Kerry Eurodyne

You ghosting me? Fuck, pick up! Really?! Can't even bother to send ONE word?! Just gonna pretend like nothin happened, huh? COWARD

[kelocitta]

Hey I was just wanting to ask if you some tips on drawing Slugcat legs. I really want to be able to draw these little cuties and I have everything else done but the legs (specifically poses and action) is really tough for me

It'll depend heavily on how you actually wanna do their legs, but since your asking me I'll assume you like how i do them- I draw them digitigrade when in motion, which basically means that the weight of the animal is carried on the on the toes (the other is plantigrade, which means the back of the foot makes contact with the ground when moving.) This is important since it changes how the leg tends to be formed and rest, but slugcats have a lot of flexibility here.

The other thing to keep in mind is that slugcats are *sleek* and tend to be smooth no matter what pose they're in, so you can hide the specifics of the legs under this and squash and stretch them as you see fit. Think about how fur or feathers tend to hide exactly how the body looks (and thats why so many animals look weird when wet and all that stuff lays flat) As for how I do it, I try to keep slugcats to a tube or triangle shape with most of the weight/fat being in the hips and tail. In most cases, you can get away with just imaging the leg as a flexible ball, and treat the foot as a point (like your pulling on a water balloon). The further the foot from the body, the more that ball stretches. The specifics of whats going *on* in the ball can be hidden unless its its really stretched out

Mentally I don't put much thought into it, but if you need more structure think of the bones of the leg as three sections- the foot, fibula/tibia (Lower leg bones) and femur (Upper leg bone/thigh). Digitigrade and plantigrade tend to favor certain positioning, but ultimately the only major focus is on how the foot functions. Digitigrade in particular tends to favor this sort of 'z' formation even when fully stretched (Humans, in contrast, are plantigrade, and our legs can be fully straighten out even if they still fold the same way). So if your going for that you'll always want to keep a bit of a 'z' shape even if your stretching it waaay out. When at rest, I keep the foot of the slugcat flat. But anytime it's in motion or would be active they shift weight to their toes. You could keep them fully plantigrade, but personally I think digitigrade allows for easier shows of motion and more natural looking action shots with the upright posture if you dont want to stretch the leg out fully. Also i just like the look of it more. (If you want to get into biology more, this would normally be hard on the legs weight-wise, but I like to imagine slugcats are mixed tripedal rather than strict bipeds, and make use of their tails as a third grounding point.)

And heres a very quick run over some of the official cutscenes to show similar:

I personally just wing it when it comes to the sizes of those sections, but a general rule of thumb is that everything gets shorter as you go down- the upper leg has the longest bones, then the middle leg, then the foot. A lot of that is hidden in the body of the slugcat, but keeping that in mind might help keep the leg length feeling natural. (But the biggest secret is that your drawing a fake, stretchy blobby animal so you can bs a lot and be imperfect and honestly just do whatever in a lot of cases and not end up with something that noticeably wrong. This DOES get a little harder if you draw them more lithe or cat like, just because that exposes the leg more) And lastly, if cutscene art isnt helping and you might benefit from a real life reference- rather than using an actual cat I would actually recommend mustelid like a ferret, otter or stoat. They're plantigrade rather than digitigrade, but their form and posturing is a little bit closer to the slugcat and it might help with visualizing the way the legs can sink into the body. I will give a heads up that these are little predators so general search results do tend to show them hunting small animals like mice, if your sensitive to that stick to domestic ferrets for safer results.

Just remember to fatten them up- they're way longer and thinner than slugcats are

[fatecantstopme]

If I Had to Choose...I'd Choose You

Pairing: Elliot Stabler x Reader

Summary: You meet Stabler when you join the SVU team. He's single, attractive, sweet...only problem is you work together, and you don't date at work.

Warnings: Mentions of rape, descriptions of violence and torture. Reader has scars described in detail. SMUT, oral (M and F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V).

A/N: Kathy doesn't exist in this fic.

"Hey everyone, gather 'round," Cragen called.

Detectives Stabler, Benson, Munch, and Tutuola circled around the Captain.

Cragen gestured to the new girl beside him: you. "Guys, this is Detective (Y/N) (Y/L/N). She's joining the squad."

You smiled at them. "I'm happy to be here and can't wait to get started."

Everyone introduced themselves and Cragen pointed to your new desk behind directly behind Detective Stabler. You threw your stuff down onto the desk and started to settle in.

Elliot Stabler sat on the edge of the desk and leaned in towards you. "So what brings you to SVU?"

"I wanted to make a difference. Homicide was starting to grate on me."

"Couldn't make a difference there?" he asked in surprise.

You shook your head. "Not the way I wanted to." You sighed. "It's a long story, but suffice it to say I'm happy to be here."

Elliot smiled. "We're happy to have you."

You returned his smile. "Thanks."

**********

Within 6 months you'd become an integral part of the team. Your experience working in Homicide and as a victim advocate made you an extremely valuable asset.

You'd also gotten to know the other members of your squad very well, especially Elliot. You couldn't help it, the two of you were drawn together.

Elliot flirted with you constantly and you flirted back, despite your better judgment. He'd asked you out a couple times, but you'd always said no. He never pushed you, but he didn't stop trying either.

You had one rule in the workplace...never get involved with a coworker. You'd made that mistake when you first got on the job and it very nearly ruined your life. You wouldn't do it again, even for a man as clearly incredible as Elliot Stabler. Plus, the events that led you to leave Homicide were still fresh in your mind and you weren't ready to open up about any of it.

"(Y/L/N)! We're hitting the bar, wanna come get a drink?" The man in question called to you.

You looked up from your paperwork, catching his deep blue gaze as he eyed you. "I don't know, El, I've got a lot of paperwork to get done."

He groaned. "We've all got a lot of paperwork to get done. It'll still be here in the morning."

He could tell you were unsure, so he turned up the puppy dog eyes as he begged, "C'mon, just one drink."

You sighed. "Fine, fine." You tossed your file to the side and grabbed your coat. "Let's go, kids."

Two hours and four drinks later, you and Elliot were still at the bar. Olivia and Munch had bowed out a half hour earlier and Fin was just paying his tab.

"I'll see you two in the morning. Don't stay up too late," Fin said with a teasing tone before leaving the bar.

"Just us," Elliot said with a grin.

"Didn't you say something about 'just one drink'?"

He grinned wider. "I didn't tell you to have three more."

You groaned. " I wish I could blame you. It'd be easier."

"So, you liking SVU so far?" Elliot asked, changing the subject.

You nodded. "It's rewarding work, as difficult as it is. Plus, I've got some pretty great coworkers."

"Damn straight. Couldn't get any better." He cleared his throat. "I, uhh--I'm really glad you came onboard."

You smiled. "Me too."

Elliot leaned closer and placed his hand on your arm. "I mean it, (Y/N/N)," he said softly.

You leaned into him, the liquor you'd imbibed lowering your inhibitions. "I know, El. So do I."

He slipped his arm around you and pulled you against his chest, his lips against your ear. "Go out with me, (Y/N)," he whispered.

Every fiber of your being was screaming for you to say yes, but there was a tiny voice in your head that reminded you of your rule...and what had happened to you a mere eight months prior. You pulled away from him and turned your body to face his. "El...I want to. I really do."

His face fell. "But?"

"But I can't."

"Why?" he whispered.

You sighed. You'd never given him a good reason...never really explained yourself. He deserved some sort of explanation, even if it wasn't quite accurate. "I don't date at work. I...well, I dated someone when I first joined the force. He was a detective." You paused. "It didn't end well--especially for me. He spread rumors and nearly ruined my reputation. I had to go to a different precinct." It was the truth, sure, but it wasn't the whole truth.

"I would never do that to you."

You offered him a small smile. "I don't think you would. You're a good man--I know you are...but, I can't risk it, Elliot. I just can't." I'm not ready.

He looked sad, but he nodded. "I understand," he said softly. "I can't say I like it, but I get it. However, I have no intention of giving up. You're amazing and I'm not walking away, not yet anyway."

You chuckled lightly and shook your head. "You're persistent, I'll give you that."

"Maybe someday you'll say yes."

"Perhaps," you consented.

He seemed content with your answer, and he waved over the bartender. "I'll cover her tab too."

"No, Elliot, you don't--"

"I've got it, doll. Please."

You sighed and let him pay for your drinks.

"Let me walk you home," he insisted.

"I can make it. It's only a couple blocks."

Elliot just stared at you like you were crazy. It was nighttime in Manhattan after all.

You laughed. "Alright, alright. Walk me home, Detective Stabler."

He smiled and held his arm out to you. "My lady?"

You slipped your arm through his and let him guide you to the door and out onto the sidewalk. You felt safe with him, safer than you'd ever felt with anyone else.

The walk to your apartment was quick and peaceful. Elliot chattered about nothing and you just listened to him, a small smile gracing your face.

He walked you all the way to the door of your apartment, just to make sure you got home safely. It warmed your heart. He kissed your cheek before wishing you a goodnight.

You closed the door behind him and leaned your back against the door. The thought that crossed your mind was enough to terrify you; "Dear God, I think I love him," you whispered aloud.

**********

It had been a year since you'd first joined SVU. Elliot had never given up asking you out, but it had been a couple months since he'd last asked. He still spoke to you in the same manner he'd always used: flirtatious, sweet, and funny as hell.

That thought you'd had six months ago was always lingering in the back of your mind and you knew without a shadow of a doubt it was 100% true. It scared the hell out of you and you didn't know how to handle it.

"(Y/L/N)! We've got a live one," Elliot called from across the squad room, interrupting your conversation with Munch. You looked up in Elliot's direction when he called to you.

"Let's go," he said again.

"Where's Olivia?" you asked.

"She's at an appointment. Cragen suggested I grab you."

You walked over to him. "Okay, what do we got?"

"Violent stranger rape in her own home. She's on the way to the hospital now."

"Shit. Let's go."

Three days later and you felt like you were spinning your wheels. Every single lead you'd had hadn't panned out. You had nothing to go on and you were starting to worry the case would go cold.

"We've gotta be missing something," Elliot said, voicing your thoughts aloud.

You ran your fingers through your hair. "We've been over the evidence a thousand times."

"That doesn't mean there's nothing there," he insisted.

"Maybe we just need some rest," Fin suggested.

"No!" you and Elliot yelled at the same time.

Fin threw his hands up and backed away from the two of you. You and Elliot had been there to see the after effects of the brutal crime...you'd been the one to take the victim's statement. No one understand the true horror of this crime like the two of you. You were both determined to find the man who did this before he struck again.

Just then, your desk phone rang. You grabbed it, answering it with a gruff "(Y/L/N)". Your face paled as you listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. "What?"

Elliot, Fin, Olivia, and Munch turned to look at you at the sound of shock in your voice.

"We're on our way." You hung up and stared at the phone for a moment before addressing the rest of the team. "He came back."

"Who came back where?" Olivia asked.

Your eyes locked onto Elliot's and his widened in surprised understanding. "The perp."

You nodded. "He's holding the victim hostage in the hospital basement."

"How the hell does that even happen?" Munch asked.

"Don't know, but let's go," you replied.

When you arrived at the hospital, you were met with the responding officers. They escorted you down to the basement where the rapist was holding your victim.

You left the officers at one entrance, and Munch and Fin were covering the other entrance to the basement to ensure he couldn't escape, leaving you, Elliot, and Olivia to make your way farther into the hostage situation.

You heard a woman's soft whimpering and you moved closer to the sound. "Colleen? Can you hear me? It's Detective (Y/L/N)," you called out.

"Don't come closer or I'll shoot her!" a man's voice yelled in response.

The three of you stopped walking. "Alright. What's your name?" you called back.

"Mac," he answered hesitantly.

You looked over at Elliot. There was no "Mac" on your suspect list.

"Okay, Mac. My name is (Y/N). Can I come closer so we can talk?"

"Are you alone?" he yelled.

"No. My partner is here with me." You subtly left Olivia out, hoping you could catch him off guard with a third person.

"Just you," he said.

You started to move closer to the sound of his voice, but Elliot grabbed your arm. His eyes pleaded with you to stay where you were, but you simply shook your head and shrugged him off. You weren't going to stand idly by while a woman was murdered.

You made it to the large doorway of the room and saw the victim, Colleen, standing directly in front of a man with a gun.

"Stop right there," he said.

Your own gun was pointing right at him, but you stopped in your tracks. "Alright. Just take it easy."

"You're pointing a gun at me. How can I 'take it easy'?"

"You're pointing a gun at her, so I suppose I could say the same to you," you pointed out.

He cocked the gun and pressed it directly against Colleen's skull. "Put yours down or I'll pull the trigger."

Your breath caught in your chest as you realized you had a decision to make. You could try to shoot him, but you had a very narrow window of space...and you might either miss him or shoot the victim. You decided you couldn't take that chance, so you began to lower your gun towards the ground.

"(Y/N), no!" you heard Elliot hiss from somewhere behind you.

You'd already made your decision, so you ignored his voice, and placed your gun on the ground before straightening back up. "You said your name was Mac?"

He nodded.

"Do you mind if I come a little closer, Mac? Just so we can talk more easily."

"You can take three steps towards me."

You moved in his direction, careful to stay within sight of the doorway. "You okay, Colleen?" you asked softly.

Colleen was shaking, terror plainly evident on her face. She started to respond, but Mac tightened his grip on her.

"Don't speak to her," he yelled. "You talk to me. Not her."

You held up your hands. "Okay, okay. What's your plan here, Mac?"

"I never wanted it to come to this. If she would have just left with me, none of this would have happened."

"You wanted Colleen to leave with you?"

"Yes. We could go anywhere," he said wistfully.

A clearer picture of the man standing before you began to emerge. "You care about her, don't you Mac?"

"Care about her?" he asked, almost looking hurt. "I love her. She's my soulmate."

Colleen whimpered as he spoke, tears pouring down her cheeks anew.

"She denied you," you stated.

"She refused to go with me. So I did what I had to do."

You swallowed thickly. "Mac...did you intend to hurt her?"

He looked at you angrily. "I wouldn't have had to if she wouldn't have fought me."

You did your best not to wince at his words. "If you love her, why would you hurt her now?"

"I don't want to. I just want to leave."

"Okay," you said gently. "Let her go and you can leave."

"No!" he yelled, his grip tightening on the gun and Colleen. "She comes with me or she dies."

"You don't really wanna hurt her, Mac. You love her. Maybe she just needs time to realize she loves you too." The words felt wrong coming out of your mouth, but you needed to say whatever you could to save Colleen.

"I know the truth now. She'll never love me." His finger slid to the trigger.

"Mac! Wait! Wait...if you pull that trigger you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

He looked over at you with a mixture of intrigue and surprise on his face. "Go on."

"You'll hate yourself for being the reason the person you love most in the world is gone. You'll never recover from it...the guilt will slowly eat you up inside until one day you decide to end it all just so you can join her."

He watched you carefully, as if he was studying you. "Are you speaking from experience, Detective?"

You hadn't been, but he didn't need to know that. "Yes. And I can promise you, you don't want to end up like me."

To your surprise, he tossed Colleen to the side like she was nothing more than a piece of garbage in his way and he took a menacing step towards you.

In that instant, you realized he'd been playing you the entire time, but it was much too late.

He smiled at you, a terrifying, wolfish expression that made your blood run cold. You turned to run, but he was faster than you. His arms wrapped around your waist and he yanked you back against his chest. You struggled with everything you had, only stopping when you felt the cold metal of the gun press against your head.

"Hello, Detective. It's such a pleasure to see you again," he whispered in your ear.

His voice had changed...deepened slightly, and an accent that had not been there before made itself apparent. The moment you heard him speak, you felt as if the world was crumbling around you.

"You," you whispered in shock and terror.

"(Y/N)!" Elliot yelled as he rushed in, mere seconds after he'd heard your struggle. His gun was pointed in your direction, a look of pure horror on his face as he took in the scene in front of him.

To your surprise, Olivia did not appear behind him, which meant there was a possibility you would get out of this alive. If she could find a way to circle around and come up from behind him...

"The famous Detective Stabler," Mac said, his voice heavily accented. "It's a pleasure to finally get to meet you."

Elliot looked confused. "How do you know who I am?"

"I've followed my lovely (Y/N)'s career quite closely," he said, caressing the side of your face with his free hand. You shied away from him, but there was no where for you to escape to.

Elliot's look of confusion deepened. For the first time, you found yourself wishing you'd been completely open and honest with him. If you'd told him about your past, maybe none of this would be happening.

"You know (Y/N)?" he asked.

"Oh yes, very very well. Some might even say I know her intimately."

You flinched at his choice of words, your body recoiling in place. Your reaction was not lost on Elliot, a look of realization crossing his features.

"Tell him, (Y/N). Tell him about us," Mac whispered in your ear.

Your eyes filled with unshed tears, but you didn't say a word.

Mac chuckled sinisterly. "Tell him how I touched your pretty little body. How I made you feel things no man ever could. Tell him how much you liked it."

The way he emphasized the word 'liked' almost made you hurl, but it also lit a fire inside of you that reminded you to fight. "How about I tell him how you broke into my apartment? How you tied me to my bed and raped me for hours? How you branded me as your property? How you made me want to die?" Your voice had risen to a yell and you were breathless when you finished speaking.

Elliot drew in a shaky breath, his anger threatening to boil over. He cocked his gun and took a step closer.

"Uh-uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Mac said, pressing the gun against your skull so hard it was certain to leave a mark.

"How'd you know raping Colleen would get you to me?" you asked.

Mac laughed. "I didn't. She's the sixth woman I've raped in Manhattan since you went to Special Victims. I've been hoping you'd catch the case so we could see each other again. This is the first one that managed to make its way to your desk."

You closed your eyes, your breath catching in your chest at his words. "Why?" you whispered.

"Because you're the one who got away."

"You left me tied to my bed. I didn't 'get away'."

"I didn't mean literally," he said dismissively. "After I had you, no one else compared, no matter how hard I tried."

"So, what? You decided to rape a bunch of women in the hopes that she'd notice you?" Elliot sneered angrily.

"She did notice me," Mac said with a smile. "Even if she didn't realize it."

"What's your plan now, Mac?" Elliot asked.

"(Y/N) and I are going to leave and you're going to let us. I know you won't risk her life--I've seen the way you look at her. You're lucky I don't kill you for it."

"And if I don't wanna go?" you whispered.

His lips brushed against your ear as he spoke. "Then I'll kill him and force you to come with me."

"Not today, sweet cheeks," Olivia said from behind you. Her gun was pressed against the back of Mac's head, causing his body to grow stiff with tension. "Now, why don't you be a good boy and let her go?"

After a few tense moments, Mac's hold on you loosened and he let you out of his grip. You immediately pulled away from him and moved in Elliot's direction.

"(Y/N), no!" Elliot yelled at you. You heard two weapons fire almost simultaneously and you dropped to your knees.

Elliot was in front of you in seconds. "Are you okay? (Y/N/N)?"

His eyes searched your face, the fear in them nearly breaking you down. You collapsed into his arms and he pulled you as closely as he could. "You're okay. You're safe," he whispered. "I've got you."

You turned your head just enough to look behind you towards where Mac had been standing. His body was on the floor, blood seeping from his wounds. You knew he was dead without having to go check for a pulse.

Olivia had called for the rest of the team and for a gurney for Colleen. You turned to look at the other woman. She seemed to be okay physically, but the mental and emotional trauma she'd just endured would likely be with her for the rest of her life.

Munch and Fin made it to you before the other officers did.

"What the hell happened?" Fin asked as he took in the scene.

Elliot looked up at him from his place on the floor. "Perp tried to kill (Y/N). Olivia and I both shot him."

The other detectives knew there was more to the story, but this wasn't the time to ask about it. For now, their focus was on getting everyone the hell out of the basement.

Elliot insisted you be seen by a doctor before you left, despite your many arguments. He stayed by your side until the doctor had looked you over and given you a clean bill of health.

You made Elliot take you to see Colleen before you went home. You wanted to make sure she was okay. She thanked you for saving her life and she squeezed your hand in that knowing way that other survivors always did.

You wanted to go back to work, but Elliot insisted you go home. You started to argue, but Cragen ordered you to take the rest of the day off at a minimum and he told Elliot to take you home.

The drive to your apartment was silent--neither one of you knew what to say. The events of the day had unfolded in a completely unforeseen manner and you knew it would have lasting effects on you both.

When you reached your apartment, Elliot parked the car and walked you to your door. You thanked him for taking you home, then lapsed into an awkward silence. Neither of you seemed to know what to say...or maybe you were too scared to say it.

"I thought I was going to lose you," Elliot whispered, breaking the silence.

Your breath caught in your chest and you found yourself unable to respond.

"When I saw him holding that gun to your head..." he trailed off. "And then when he let you go? I watched him turn the gun in your direction and--" he cleared his throat. "All I could think was that I was going to watch you die."

"You saved me," you whispered.

His eyes met yours. "Olivia's the one that shot him in the head."

"Before that."

He cocked his head slightly and his brow furrowed in confusion.

"You gave me the strength I needed to fight...and that saved me long before you put a bullet in him."

He wanted to reach out and touch you, but he was worried it would be unwelcome. "I'm sorry for what he did to you," he said gently.

Your eyes fluttered closed for a moment. "It's not your fault, but I appreciate it."

"Can I ask--why didn't you tell me?"

You could hear the hurt in his voice and it nearly broke your heart. "It was a time in my life I'd rather forget. I've never told anyone outside of the detectives that worked the case. I didn't want to share it with anyone...it was nice to be somewhere where no one knew what happened."

"Is that why you really left Homicide?"

You nodded.

"Where did it happen?"

"Brooklyn."

He ran his hand over his face. "I'm sorry, (Y/N)."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"You don't need to apologize for that. I would never force you to share things with me, especially something like that."

Instead of responding, you stepped towards him, wrapped your arms around him, and leaned into his chest for a hug. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly, almost as if he was terrified to let go. He kissed the top of your head and you cried softly into his chest.

There was so much more you wanted to explain, so much more you wanted to tell him, but you couldn't seem to find the words. You just wanted to curl up in his arms and shut out the world...but you knew you couldn't do that either.

After several minutes, you pulled away, wiping your face in embarrassment. You noticed the wet spot on his shirt and you blushed. "Sorry," you whispered.

He looked down at his shirt and shrugged. "I'm not. You're always welcome to use my shirt to dry your tears."

The way he said it made you laugh lightly, a sound that was like music to his ears. He smiled at you warmly and you met him with a softer smile.

You could tell he wanted to say something--something that was probably important--but he seemed to think better of it. "Are you gonna be okay by yourself?"

"Yeah...I'll be alright."

He nodded. "Okay. Call me if you need anything--I'll come running."

You gave him a sad smile. "I know you will."

He squeezed your hand and slowly backed away down the hall towards the elevators. He clearly didn't want to leave you and you wanted him to stay more than anything--but you knew if he did, it would change your relationship forever.

Your hand rested on the doorknob, but you couldn't get yourself to turn it and go into the apartment. You watched him as he slowly turned his back to you and walked down the hall.

For the next five seconds, you stood frozen in place. You let the events of the day wash over you and you found yourself suddenly filled with the realization that you didn't want to live without him. Somehow in the past year, he had become your best friend, your rock, your hope, and so much more. If you let him leave now, you'd regret it for the rest of your life.

Before you knew what you were doing, you took off running down the hallway.

Elliot heard your footsteps and turned around. Surprise lit up his face as he watched you racing in his direction.

Without a second thought, you launched yourself into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and burying your head into his neck. He held you tightly, strong arms keeping you from hitting the ground.

"Stay," you whispered against his skin.

"Look at me," he murmured.

You looked at him, tears filling your bright eyes.

"Say it again."

"Stay," you whispered with a little more force than before.

His eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips and back up to your eyes. You knew what he was silently asking and you didn't want to say no. You crashed your lips against his, the action so clearly filled with emotion.

He kissed you back with equal intensity, one of his hands sliding up your back to cup the nape of your neck. He made his way back to your apartment door, swung it open, and kicked it closed without ever separating his lips from yours.

He pressed your back up against the door as he continued to kiss you so he could lock the door. As badly as he wanted this--wanted you--safety was still on the forefront of his mind.

"Bedroom?" he asked against your neck.

"First door on the left," you answered breathlessly.

He carried you to your room and tossed you onto the bed rather gracefully. You used your elbows to lift your upper body as you watched him slowly begin to undress before you.

He unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the ground. He quickly rid himself of his undershirt, giving you an unobstructed view of his muscled form. You made a small sound somewhere between a groan and a moan, causing him to smirk knowingly.

"See something you like?" he teased.

"I see a whole lot that I like." You beckoned him towards you and he complied after kicking off his shoes.

He hovered over your body, caging you beneath his much larger form. "You're so beautiful," he murmured.

You felt your cheeks heat up, unused to such sweet words from men. Thankfully, he didn't expect a response from you; he simply wanted you to know. His lips brushed against yours in a soft kiss and your hands tentatively made their way to his back, feeling the warm skin beneath your palms.

Elliot's own hands began a gentle caress down the curves of your body, his lips trailing behind. He began to unbutton your shirt, then slid his hands across your stomach, coming to rest on your hips.

The moment his right hand touched your hip, you instinctively flinched away from him. He stopped what he was doing and looked up at you. Your eyes were far away and a look of discomfort clouded your face.

He pulled away from you, not wanting to do anything you weren't comfortable with. "I'm sorry," he said gently. "We can stop."

You shook your head, clearing your thoughts along with the distant look in your eyes. You focused on the man in front of you and took a deep breath. "I want this, Elliot. I really do..." you paused. "But there's something you need to know first."

He nodded, but remained silent, waiting for you to speak.

You bit your lip and looked down at the duvet cover on your bed, his gaze too intense for you in the moment. "It was a little over a year and a half ago," you began. "I was living in Brooklyn, working Homicide...I was happy."

"It was Spring," you continued. "The night breeze was cool and comforting. It brought the promise of new life..." you trailed off for a moment. "My apartment was on the third floor. It was warm, so I opened the window...I forgot to close it before I fell asleep."

You exhaled heavily before continuing, "He came into my room around midnight. I woke up with him on top of me, his hand covering my mouth, my arms tied to the headboard above my head. He was wearing a mask...I never saw his face. He put a gag into my mouth and tore my pajamas from my body."

You had to stop for a moment. The images from that night flashed through your mind, rendering you silent.

"You don't have to tell me," Elliot whispered kindly.

"I want to--I need to," you insisted. You took another deep breath. "He raped me for hours. He used a knife to cut me and he'd hit me when I struggled. Eventually, I was too weak to fight back...and I just took it. Just before he left, he used my stove to heat a metal brand...a brand he burned into the skin just above my left hip."

With shaking hands, you pulled your shirt to the side and tugged your pants down just enough so the brand was visible. "It says 'Property of MST'," you said softly.

Elliot's eyes were brimming with tears. He wanted to kill anyone who had ever hurt you...starting with this son of a bitch. Lucky for him, the man who did this to you was already dead.

"I never knew what it meant--what 'MST' stood for. Brooklyn SVU didn't have many leads and they never had a solid suspect. Since I never saw his face, I wasn't much use either." You shuddered slightly. "But I remember his voice. It lives in my nightmares and the darkest corners of my mind. I'll never forget the sound of his voice."

For the first time since you'd started, Elliot made a comment. "His voice--it changed after he grabbed you."

You nodded. "The moment I heard it, I knew who he was--but my surprise gave him the advantage and nearly cost me my life."

Elliot reached out and took your hand. You finally looked up at him and found yourself overcome with emotions.

As if he sensed it, Elliot pulled you towards him. "Come here, sweetheart. Let me hold you."

You curled up against his chest, feeling safe in his warm embrace.

"Thank you for telling me," he said softly.

"Thank you for letting me."

He kissed the top of your head. "I won't let anyone else hurt you. Never again."

You sighed. "You can't promise me that."

"Maybe not, but I'll die trying."

You pulled away from him so you could look up at his face. He looked so fiercely protective you had no doubt he would do anything for you.

You touched his face gently before pulling him towards you for a kiss. What started out as a sweet kiss quickly turned to passion.

Elliot crawled back on top of you as you began to lay back against the mattress, his lips locked onto yours. He wanted to be gentle with you, make sure you were comfortable every step of the way--make you feel safe and loved.

"Can I touch you?" he whispered.

"Please," you begged softly, your own hands coming to rest on his chest.

He didn't need to be told twice. His hands went around your waist and pulled you towards him, giving you just enough room to get your shirt off. He made quick work of your bra, tossing it to the side of the bed.

He saw the scars that littered your chest and they broke his heart. How someone could hurt you was beyond him, and he was determined to make you feel beautiful.

His lips pressed against each and every scar that he could see, along with the soft skin of your breasts and your pert nipples, eliciting soft moans of pleasure from your lips.

Elliot was the first man you'd been with since the rape and you couldn't be more glad that you waited. He was so gentle, so affectionate, so loving--so accepting.

Your hands grasped his belt buckle and you quickly tugged it loose. You unbuttoned his pants, but you were too slow for Elliot's taste. He pulled away from you just long enough to shed his pants before he was right back on top of you, lips grazing the flesh of your stomach.

When he reached the top of your pants, he looked up at you for permission. "Can I take these off?"

You nodded and lifted your hips up to assist him. As he pulled your jeans down your legs, you found yourself feeling nervous. This would be the first time anyone had seen your legs, other than your doctor, since the attack. They were riddled with scars, especially your thighs.

Elliot's heart nearly broke in half when he saw the extent of the scarring on your legs. He found himself wanting to kill the monster who did this to you yet again, but he took solace in the fact that he could never hurt you again.

He looked up at you, blue eyes filled with emotion. "You're perfect, (Y/N)," he whispered. "Absolutely perfect."

You would have argued with anyone else who said those words about you, but there was something so incredibly sincere in the way he said it that you found yourself believing him.

"Elliot, please touch me," you begged softly.

"Anything for you, baby. Anything for you."

He dipped his head down and pressed a soft kiss on the burned flesh of your upper hip where the brand marred the skin. The sweet, gentle action sent shivers up your spine and a soft sigh left your lips.

Elliot smiled against your skin as he moved downward, focusing his attention on your thighs. He kissed every inch of your skin on your left leg before moving to the right. By the time he reached your core, you were practically panting with need.

His lips grazed your mound, providing no relief to the throbbing between your legs. You lifted your hips towards his face, seeking some form of friction, but he pulled just out of reach. You let out a little frustrated groan, earning a deep chuckle from him.

"Patience, doll. I'm trying to take my time here. It's difficult enough without you taunting me with your pretty little body and those sweet noises you make."

"I've waited for so long, Elliot," you whimpered. "I just want you so badly."

He was very tempted to give in, after all, he'd been waiting even longer than you had. He'd wanted you from the moment you'd walked into the squad room a year before.

"I know, baby," he said softly as he massaged your thighs. "But if I can wait for an entire year to touch you, you can wait a few more minutes, can't you?"

You let out a grumbling sound, followed by a sigh. "I suppose that's fair," you mumbled.

He laughed lightly. Now that he'd gotten you to agree to be patient, he decided he didn't wanna wait. Without another word, he lowered his head, settled comfortably between your legs, and dove directly into your pussy with a satisfied moan.

You gasped at the pleasurable sensation and immediately reached for his hair. There wasn't much for you to grab onto, but that didn't stop you from raking your nails against his scalp.

He groaned against your pussy and pushed his face even closer while pulling your hips towards him. He was clearly enjoying the sensations you gave him, as well as the activity he was currently engaged in.

While Elliot may have been enjoying himself immensely, nothing came close to the level of pleasure you were experiencing. His lips, his tongue--his mouth--it all felt so incredible. He was quite clearly experienced and he wasn't holding back.

"Elliot," you gasped, fingers desperately trying to find purchase against the skin of his arms and shoulders. "Please--I need--" you couldn't finish your thought, but he seemed to know exactly what you needed.

He slipped two fingers into your dripping hole and began to stroke your g-spot, while continuing his delicious assault on your clit. The sounds you made were music to his ears and he started to imagine what you'd sound like when you came apart on his mouth. He needed to hear it so badly--needed to feel you clenching around him, moaning his name, gasping for breath...

He didn't have to wait long. Within minutes, you were coming apart beneath him, his name repeated like a prayer from your lips. Your hips bucked up against his face, but he held on tightly, continuing to feast on your release.

Your body quickly became overstimulated and you begged him to stop--it was just too much. He decided to have mercy on you and he came up for air with a triumphant grin on his face. His mouth and chin were shining with your juices, but you couldn't find it in yourself to be embarrassed. Not when it felt so good; not when he looked so damn proud about it.

"Com'ere handsome," you murmured softly as you reached for him.

He happily crawled up your body, placing kisses to your skin as he moved. When he reached your face, he hovered over you, eyes scanning your face--as if he was memorizing it.

You pulled him down to you and kissed him passionately. The taste of yourself on his lips was foreign, but it felt so right.

His hard length brushed up against your thigh and you were reminded he was still wearing his underwear. You offered him a little friction with the movement of your pelvis against his, eliciting a groan from deep in his throat.

You pulled his head back down to you, kissing along his jawline until you reached his ear. "Lose the underwear, babe," you whispered.

You were quite certain you'd never seen anyone move so fast in your life. You blinked and he was back on top of you, hard cock demanding attention, precum beading at the tip.

You hooked your leg around his waist and flipped him onto his back before he knew what was happening.

He chuckled lightly as he landed on his back beneath you. "Who said you could be in charge?" he teased.

You batted your eyelashes at him and smiled. "You're still in charge, baby. I'm just on top."

He had to admit, the sight of you hovering above him, looking like a goddess, was an incredible image. One he hoped would live in his memory forever.

"May I taste you?" you asked in a soft, seductive voice.

Elliot's eyes widened and he nodded slowly. He watched as you positioned yourself so your mouth was directly above his erect cock. He thought this was another image he would like to add to his collection, but when your mouth wrapped around him, every thought he'd ever had was gone in an instant.

Every movement of your tongue, your mouth, your hands, had him moaning and breathing heavily. He tangled his fingers in your hair and pulled it to the side so he could see your pretty face.

You flicked your eyes up to meet his, never ceasing your movements. His moan was loud enough to wake the neighbors--the eye contact almost making him come.

He began muttering words of encouragement, a mixture of "that's it baby" and "fuck, doll, you're doing so good". Each phrase he uttered became a little more breathless as he neared his release.

Your jaw had begun to ache, but you didn't care. You wanted to taste him, wanted to feel his hot cum shoot down your throat. You moaned around his cock at the thought, sending pleasing vibrations through his body.

"Shit--" he gasped. "I'm gonna--fuck, baby--gonna cum."

You moaned again in encouragement and flicked your eyes back up to his face. You wanted to watch him as he orgasmed.

A moment after you looked up at him, he looked down at you--making eye contact. His eyes seemed to roll into the back of his head and he leaned his head back as he came with a cry of your name.

You lowered yourself so you were taking his cock completely into your mouth and throat, allowing his seed to spill down your throat. His grip on your hair had tightened to an almost painful level, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

You helped him ride out his high and his grip on you lessened as he began to come down. After a few moments, his body shivered with aftershocks and he gave you a gentle tug.

"Sensitive," he gasped.

You sat up and offered him a smirk. "So how did I do?"

He laughed breathily. "Come here you delicious creature," he mumbled as he reached for you.

You settled into the crook of his arm, laying your head on his chest. He leaned forward just enough so he could kiss the top of your head.

"Best I've ever had," he whispered.

You looked up at him in surprise and disbelief, but everything about his expression told you he was serious. You blushed as you murmured a quiet "Thank you."

You settled back against his chest and he let you lay there for a few moments before rolling over and caging you beneath him. "My turn," he teased before leaning down to kiss you.

You giggled and pulled him closer, lips chasing after his hungrily. Within moments, his cock had hardened and he was ready to go another round.

You were slightly surprised when you felt his erection brush against your core--most men you'd been with were one and done kind of people.

Elliot must have seen the surprise on your face, because he said, "I can't let my girl have just one orgasm."

Your eyes widened and he laughed lightly.

"What?" he asked.

"It's just...well--I've never had more than one before," you answered honestly.

Now it was his turn to look surprised. "Never?"

You shook your head.

"It's my mission to give you at least two, preferably three or more."

"Three?" you asked incredulously. "Or more?"

He grinned. "All I need from you is permission to try."

"You absolutely have my permission," you said quickly.

You went back to kissing each other and running your hands over each other's bodies. It didn't take long for you to both be too worked up to wait any longer.

"Shit--" he mumbled. "Condom's in my wallet."

"I'm on the pill," you said breathlessly.

His eyes scanned your face for the slightest hint of discomfort, but all he saw was raw desire. "Are you sure?" he whispered.

You nodded. "Very," you breathed out. "I wanna feel you."

How could he say no to that? He groaned softly and pressed his cock up against your entrance.

Much to your surprise, you weren't nervous at all. In fact, you were excited and desperate. His cock was large--larger than you were accustomed to--and you hadn't experienced penetrative sex in over a year. But dear god, you were ready.

"Elliot, I need you," you whispered.

That was all he needed to hear. He pressed his cock up against your entrance again, but this time he kept going until he was fully sheathed inside of you.

Once he bottomed out, the two of you let out soft moans and you clung to his arms for support. He gave you a few moments to adjust before beginning to thrust.

As soon as he started to move, you understood what your friends had told you for years. They would talk about how amazing sex was--how skilled and incredible their partner was--how their partner cared about their pleasure more than his own. All of a sudden, for the first time in your life, you knew what they meant. This was what sex was supposed to be like. This was what having a loving partner felt like.

"(Y/N)," he whispered against your skin as he thrust into you. "Tell me what you need."

You weren't sure what you needed--this kind of sex was new territory for you. "I'm...I'm not sure. Just--try different things and I'll tell you."

Your enjoyment was all that mattered to him. You could have asked him to do almost anything and he would have. He was a little surprised you didn't quite know what you liked, but he was determined to find out.

Elliot shifted his position so your hips were elevated slightly and he pulled your legs up to rest against his chest. He had a feeling you would like this particular position and boy was he right.

The new angle allowed him to hit your g-spot with each thrust. You moaned loudly and grabbed the sheets as you writhed beneath him. It felt so good you could barely formulate words, let alone a coherent sentence.

"Please," you whimpered.

"Please, what, baby?"

"More," you gasped.

He smirked slightly as his hand slid between your bodies in search of your clit. When his fingers brushed against you, you let out a squeal of delight.

Elliot focused all his attention on getting a second orgasm from you. His hips never faltered and his fingers worked their magic on your clit.

You fell apart within moments, strangled cries of his name and obscenities pouring from your lips.

He continued to thrust through your orgasm and he slowly let your legs come back down around his waist. Your body shuddered beneath his and he head you tight as he moved slowly.

"You okay, sweet girl?" he whispered as he kissed your face.

"More...than...okay," you said between breaths.

"Good," he murmured. "Think you can give me one more?"

Your eyes widened. "There's--there's no way, El."

He chuckled. "Well, we'll see."

He sat back up and pulled your hips down so you were flush against him, then he twisted them so you were on your side. He pulled your left leg up against him and proceeded to thrust into you with renewed vigor.

You were surprised by the incredible feelings washing over you--you'd never felt such immense pleasure in your life. Every time Elliot switched positions, he gauged your reaction and took mental note of the ones that had you moaning the loudest and writhing against him.

He finally flipped you onto your stomach and continued fucking you from behind. Within seconds, you determined you'd found your favorite position. You could barely breathe--the pleasure was so overwhelming.

Elliot noticed too. He held your hips tightly as he thrust, desperately trying to control his own impending orgasm. He knew he was going to get a third one from you in this position, so he kept up his movements.

You were muffling your screams into the pillow and your legs had begun to shake. You couldn't explain this sensation even if your life depended on it. It was a pleasure you'd never before experienced and it threatened to drown you.

Your third orgasm slammed into you without much warning and your pussy spasmed around his cock as you came. He could barely hold back, but he wanted to see your face when he finally came.

You were beyond spent, so he gently flipped you over and slid back inside of you. He was close to his own high and he couldn't wait much longer.

"I'm close, doll--just wanna see your face," he mumbled.

You touched his cheek, pulling his face down to yours for a kiss. When your lips separated, you whispered, "Come inside me."

"You sure?" he asked tentatively.

"Please. Wanna feel you fill me up."

He groaned loudly--your words having a larger effect on him than he expected. After a few more thrusts, his hips began to stutter and his thrusts became uneven.

He gasped and grunted and moaned your name as he came, filling you up with his seed. Once he was spent, he collapsed on top of you, completely unable to move.

You wrapped your arms around him lazily, enjoying the feeling of his weight on top of you.

"Hurting you?" he mumbled.

"I like it," you whispered back.

The two of you laid like that for several moments before Elliot finally regained the strength to roll off of you. You let out a sound of disappointment at the loss of contact, but he very quickly pulled you against his chest as he laid down behind you.

You were both quite warm, but there was something so wonderfully comforting about his arms that you couldn't force yourself to pull away.

After several minutes of comfortable silence, Elliot finally spoke. "We should probably shower."

"Mhmm," you hummed in agreement.

He chuckled lightly. "How 'bout I get the shower started? Make sure it's nice and hot before I come get you."

"Mhmm," you hummed again.

He smiled and shook his head as he placed a kiss to your head. He dragged himself out of the bed and headed to the bathroom to start the shower.

After a few minutes, Elliot came back out to get you. You giggled as he scooped you up in his arms and carried you to the bathroom. He was so gentle as he helped you wash your body, his lips dancing across your wet skin as the suds washed off.

After the shower, he dried you off and escorted you back to your bed. You curled up under the covers and let out a soft, contented sigh.

You looked up at Elliot as he tugged his boxers back on. You felt a pang of worry, which must have shown on your face because Elliot spoke in a concerned tone. "Sweetheart? You okay?"

You nodded. "Do you wanna--I mean, would you--could--?"

"I'd love to stay," he said quietly, answering the question you couldn't quite get out.

The tension eased from your body and you sighed in relief. You threw the covers back and he crawled in beside you. He dragged you to him, tugging you against his chest. He kissed your forehead as you nuzzled into him.

You'd never felt quite as safe as you felt in his arms. You couldn't have even imagined feeling so comfortable with another person, let alone a man--not after all you'd been through.

That safety--that comfort--allowed you to fall asleep within minutes of curling up with Elliot.

Elliot, on the other hand, couldn't quite fall asleep yet. He was just so damn happy...he didn't want to spend another moment without you. You made life worth living, even through all the darkness you both experienced at work. But he couldn't say the words he felt in his heart--at least not yet.

Soon, he thought as his eyelids grew heavy. Soon.

[ecto-hazard]

I wanna make a tf2 oc so so bad but I’m terrible at drawing people. Got any pointers?

So you wanna learn how to draw humans. Good for you! Drawing humans is complicated as shit and theres a lot that goes into it. I still need to improve in some areas of anatomy, and especially with drawing shit like clothes. There's millions of good guides out there for drawing all these specific aspects, but they're going to vary in complexity, style, etc. So I've instead put together my bullshit guide for drawing humans that can apply to people of any style and skill level!!!!! Welcome to Grey's 3 steps to draw humans.

STEP 1. DRAW BAD.

People get bashed over the head with the advice of "just practice bro." But the realistic thing is that if you're a perfectionist, it'll make it difficult as shit to improve your art if you don't let your art be bad. This doesnt mean, oh draw poorly on purpose. This is more a mindset thing. Embrace the fact that, while your art might not be at the level you'd personally want it to be, it's still worth making. If you enjoy drawing, it shouldn't matter if its "bad." You'll draw tons and tons of "bad" stuff and eventually look back and realize you've gotten better, even subconsciously. But if you can't get over the hurdle of letting stuff you draw be "bad" sometimes, you'll probably be too frustrated to keep going.

STEP 2. Practice drawing blocky shapes BEFORE details.

This is a skill I learned in the two art classes I took, but you can learn it on your own too. Basically humans have a lot of details going on and it can get a little overwhelming trying to capture it all. Work big to small. Focus on overall shapes first. Keep your sketches light and messy, cause itll be easier for you to overcome the hurdle to change something if you don't like it. Gradually build up to drawing the more intricate shapes like fingers, facial features, etc. If you're doing a full render, capturing the overall shapes of lights and shadows is helpful too!

When it comes to drawing your first sketch, try not to get too caught up in those tutorials that make you draw a specific type of sketch with like all the circles and cylinders and straight lines, thats all fine and good but if you're starting out its just kinda confusing and misses the point. Those are tools that'll help out when you want to hone in your ability to draw things in perspective.

STEP 3. Don't draw humans if you don't enjoy it.

Have you tried drawing humans but just don't really like doing it? Then fucking dont baby!!!!! Don't miss out on making things you enjoy just cause these goddamn humans are in the way! Make em a furry, a mech, an object character, a disembodied gangle of nerves floating in the abyss. Hell if you don't like drawing at all, WRITE em instead! Don't feel shackled by this mortal coil! Shed that shit!!!! Draw whatever the fuck makes you happy, and you'll be on the right track.

Hope this helps!

[haarrrys]

Hey! Would you write something about Amani getting her first period?

growing up 🍓

wc - 1.4k

🏷️ tags - dad!harry, singledad.harry, minor angst¿, dad!harry × amani, and of course, fluff.

pairings - singledad!harry & daughter!amani 🍪 🥛

summary - amani gets her first period

(a/n)- sweet sweet anon who sent the request months ago, tysm for being patient with me. im so sorry for my laziness lol

more harry and amani!

a knock rang throughout the room, startling sarah. "who is it?" she called, setting her sage green nail polish onto a nearby dresser.

she figured it could be room service, just wanting to clean, or the lunch she ordered.

"it's me— amani." sarah heard, just as she got closer to the door. sarah smiled, opening it. "hey love— is everything alright?" she asked, growing more concerned as she took in amani's worried face— as well as her paled complexion, that replaced her usual tan.

it wasn't unnatural for amani to come stay with sarah in her suite, as harry, her father, and the rest of the guys normally took up harry's room, causing ruckus.

sarah usually stayed in her own room, with her baby, accompanied by amani, who could always use some girl time.

but, what was unnatural was the way amani shyly walked into her room, scouting the room incase anyone else was present before speaking.

"it's just me and max," sarah assured, referring to the sleeping boy in the middle of the bed.

amani sighed, "i think.. i think I started my period." she winced, her breathing picking up as she revealed it. sarah gasped, her expression softening while a smile broke out onto her face.

"awhh, that's a good thing! it's natural, you're growing up! I can't believe it." she smiled, hugging the girl. "here, come follow me. i think i still have some stuff left." she said, pulling away from the hug and walking towards the unnecessarily large bathroom.

she opened the drawer, skimming through some thing before finding two boxes of pads and tampons.

"okay, so, since it's your first time I suggest using pads— just cause they're easier, but if you wanna use the tampons..?" sarah said. amani blushed, "ill just use the pads."

"alright! that's okay. do you know how to put one on? I don't know if harry explained it to you." sarah asked, causing amani to smile. "he tried, but he knows as much about periods as I do—nothing." she laughed, making sarah join in with her.

"that's fine, I can show you if you want." sarah offered. amani shook her head, feeling embarrassed, "i can figure it out." she dismissed.

sarah smiled sadly, "amani, it's normal to feel weird.. or even uncomfortable about these things, but almost every girl goes through it. you don't have to feel embarrassed, especially not with me, okay?" she explained, making amani smile sheepishly.

times like this, she wishes she did have a mother to talk about puberty, periods, and just her body changing, but she's thankful that she has someone who is basically a mother figure— sarah.

of course, harry tries his best to fill that role, especially now that amani's actually growing into a woman— however, she just feels more comfortable talking to someone who can relate to her.

"thank you," she whispered.

sarah smiled, as if to say a silent 'your welcome.'

"oh and sarah—can you get me underwear? and different pants?" amani sighed. sarah only then noticed the sweater tied around her waist, likely used to cover a stain.

"of course! your dads still in the room right?"

"yea, he'll let you in but..can you just not tell him?" amani said, her face reddening once again.

"oh, love, did you want to tell him yourself?" sarah questioned, eyebrows furrowed slightly.

amani shrugged in response. she had no plan whatsoever of telling him.

sarah sighed. "you know, you have to tell him eventually. it'll be worse if he finds out by himself, probably more embarrassing." she smiles.

amani shakes her head, "i'm scared." she admits, hiding her face in her hands.

sarah frowns, "scared? of what? he'll probably cry a little, but that's just cause his little girl is growing up."

amani laughed at that, imagining her dad in tears over her starting her period— a likely event.

"maybe he'll think it's gross— I don't know." she sighed. "im probably just overthinking it."

"you are. he won't find it gross, I promise. now, do you wanna tell him, or do you want me to?"

"you can tell him."

-

"she started her what?!" harry gasped, suddenly feeling uneasy on his feet.

sarah smacked his shoulder, putting her index finger to her lips, shushing him. "her period harry. menstruation? time of the month? flowers? quiet down if you don't want amani to be embarrassed when the whole hotel knows her business."

harry sighed, steadying himself as he took a seat.

"..why didn't she tell me first? is she alright?" harry frowned, his head gears turning faster than he could register. his daughter had started her period— but didn't go to him first. why? had he done something wrong?

sarah shook her head,"she's okay, calm down. it's just easier to talk about periods with people who've actually had them harry, it's not personal." she laughed, reassuring him, although she knew he'd still worry.

harry, who still had a deep frown on his face nodded.

he understands how awkward it would've been for her to tell him— but as a singe!parent, he feels shitty that she went to someone else, instead of her dad.

"okay.." harry sighed, wiping the tears that began to well up in his eyes. "i need to buy stuff right? what do i get?" he asked, already making a mental note of the stuff he knows gemma gets.

"pads, tampons, heating pad, ice-cream, and a little stuffed animal. 'always'and 'tampax' are really good brands. oh, and make sure you get different sizes for different levels of blood flow." sarah instructed.

harry nodded along, keeping everything she said in mind.

"I'm gonna go and get her clothes now." sarah said. "oh and harry?"

he perked up.

"she's okay. this is apart of her growing up. don't go haywire and coddle her."

-

that afternoon, after amani was all situated, she stayed with sarah and max for awhile, before heading back to her suite she shared with her dad, harry.

as soon as amani walked in, she was met with her dad, who's face lit up proudly.

harry walked over to her, but it seemed like he himself had just gotten back. he was carrying bags, unbeknownst to amani, full of period products.

"I got everything you need, love." he said, holding out the bag for her. she could see boxes full of everything and more that's she would need, as well as snacks that he didn't need to, but wanted to buy for her.

amani blushed, feeling embarrassed yet loved. she had never expected that her period would be such a big deal to harry, or that he would even know what to buy for her.

he'd always been a little, over the top some may say, but still her dad's reaction took her by surprise. he was smiling, looking at her with love and warmth in his eyes. he wasn't even upset with her that she didn't tell him first.

when he noticed how out of place she looked, he smiled softly.

"hey, it's okay, amani. you don't have to be embarrassed," he said, handing her the bag full of goodies, that he'd definitely not let her indulge in on a regular day, being the health nut dad he is. "it's normal. you're growing up and becoming a woman now. couldn't feel anymore more prouder."

amani felt her heart pounding in her chest. she had never thought he would be this understanding and supportive. but as she thought of it, why wouldn't he be? all her life, no matter what she decided to do, her dad was always there backing her up.

she realized, her fear of telling him was irrational.

"thank you dad." she whispered, taking the bag from him and hugging him tightly.

harry hugged her back, holding her close.

"you're my daughter and I'm always here for you. I'm proud of you," he said, as tears started to well up in his eyes.

amani wasn't surprised by his emotional reaction, more so, she surprised herself when she also began to cry. she couldn't help feeling happy and loved. in that moment, she realized that the bonds of parenthood are not only about love, but also about understanding and support.

she was grateful to have harry as her dad and sarah as another woman in her life who filled the missing role in her life, and she knew that they would always be there for her, no matter what.

thank you so much for reading! ☕️ 🤍

requests are always open!

-fic rec masterlist-

[raguna-blade]

having had my day devoured by the newest hbomberguy vid (been a short day, it happens) i think the thing most impressive going on here vid wise is the degree of build up that goes on here.

like yes, fuck james sommerton, it's real hard to imagine that you accidentally duped shit that many times for that long, but we get it, fuck him and the other guys.

no what i found real interesting is the way the whole essay was constructed really really did spend an almost excessive amount of time building up the foundation of how the youtube plagiarism and such goes on, coming from pretty basic baby shit that none the less required a bit of effort to do (the game reviewer dude) to a more complicated but still effort requiring bit with illuminaughti and the cinemassacre stuff, to even MORE effort being required (until you found it admittedly) with the internet historian who, at the very least, seemed to be just the one time unless I glitched out and missed other stuff.

Like way back with the game review he goes ok but this is actually a really transparent attempt at dealing with the fallout of being caught doing this, it's just actually a bad misdirect but because it is we can see how this actually works so when we see more experienced and better people do it, it'll be easier to see.

And that was true, like it came up frequently throughout the video.

But this was a tremendous amount of careful, pretty considered build up going on here, and you would expect, especially given the length of the video and the section focusing on him, that what you were going to get when we got the Sommerton, was some REAL bullshit, like some grade A "Damn I hate to see it but fuck if they didn't plagiarise but good and here's how and what"

That'd be the thrust right? That's generally how you build up the stakes, the final point is usually where it's going to be the most complicated and detailed, where you'd need the level of build up and experience established (such as you can in a video, even a long 2 hour set up being what it is) so that you can see all the techniques and tricks and shit and it's just....

Holy Fuck. I'm not gonna make light of how he got away with what he did, because lord knows i would have fell for it trivially (even with vids that DO actually give bibliographies i don't usually do the reading I just kinda trust that it's fine. It's something to work on I suppose especially in light of this) but the absolute level of laziness here is something fucking WILD to see on display.

Like i'm stealing the last bit from @cryptotheism post here

But genuinely how the actual FUCK do you read that much, or hell even just SCAN that much for a given subject and not have even a mental shorthand of how you wanna phrase the same information? Like not even a condensed version of their points? Just straight up word for word stealing? AND YOU INTERLACE THEM WITH OTHER AUTHORS AT POINTS?

Like this is damn near cartoon levels of sloth going on here. You are working so hard to work so little that you're working harder than it would take for you to actually just do something original at that point. like it's not even the whole goddamn thing in a lot of places, it's parts! You had to understand at LEAST the individual points made there, and understand that they connected to some degree to the other related points, select JUST THOSE RELEVANT BITS, and shove them into the essay but you don't...You don't even change them up enough that a quickie google search would have at least some trouble to find them?

This gets away from the point i was initially going with, i'm kinda doing this off the top of my head fresh off the vid and winding down, but it's wild that for all that he set up in the first half of the vid a bevy of techniques, ways around things to not immediately ding bullshit, how to play off if you DO get caught, and all that and it damn near turns out you didn't fucking need it because dude was basically getting by and raw...whats' the word i'm looking for here. Arrogance? Absolute But Unearned Self Confidence (pretty sure that's arrogance) for what looks like it was damn near fucking amateur hour for how well he actually hid what he was pulling from.

An excellent video, and the breakdown is definitely more complicated than that for all that I feel like i'm underselling it but it's like i was built up ready and trained, primed to see bullshit everywhere, and then i see a series of spike pits with signs in front of them saying where they are but even though it's obvious it's SO MUCH you start second guessing yourself at a point.

[littlehypnone]

Is it rude to ask why you hc rain as she/her?

oh no, its absolutely okay!!! it's a good question actually, I don't know if I'm even able to explain how I feel about it. I'm gonna do my best and to make it easier, for big rain I'll be using just rain (he/him) and for regressed rain it'll be rainy (she/her), if that makes sense hahahahsh

okay so I think rain in general is the most mischaracterized ghoul (besides the girls, I feel like they're a different story entirely). his stage presence changed a lot since we first saw him and it's very hard, at least for me, to pin a specific personality traits to him. I did have a similar issue with dew when I first started writing and tho I got him now, rain is still tough. he's not shy, but he's not "loud" (of course I don't mean literally), he's not rough or angry, but he's not really calm either. now he likes attention, begs for it sometimes, but back then he was hiding in the back of the stage and twisting his leg anxiously. I think this is easily explained by the unmasked ghoul getting more stage confidence but I always look at the ghouls as having their own lives and stories that may influence their stage presence

the thing with that is I see so many different characteristics in rain I can't decide on any specific way to write him. if you'd go through my fics you'd find a million different versions of rain

with she/her rainy, though, I think I gotta explain why I think rain regresses in the first place. in my head it's because of her disabilities, pain and anxiety. sometimes the regressed space can be nice and allow her to relax and forget about big world problems, but sometimes it makes all the feelings she's having bigger, as if the regression takes some kind of a filter off, yk? and I see taking off that filter also as something that makes rainy let go of some things and be that cute little princess "version" of her. yes, rain does get called a princess both big and small, but rainy is a princess and she knows it shgsgss

it's kinda like boys being young and having dreams like "I wanna be a firefighter when I grow up!" and she just wanting to be a princess but alas - boy (it'd still be okay ofc, we know my thoughts on gender roles and stuff but yk what i mean). she's not trans for me, but she needs to be able to let herself be that princess yk? it's easier and most natural when she's regressed and that's it

this also ties to my own feeling about gender stuff and everything, but that's not important. I hope this ramble makes at least a bit of sense, ugh. to try to summarize, maybe, let's say that I see rain as a princess but due to a lot of different and sometimes even opposing characteristics I see in him he can't be that princess all the time, and being regressed is kinda a solution to this

[coastober]

Hi! Welcome to the Coastober Tumblr Blog!

You might be wondering what Coastober even is, having stumbled upon this by either some fluke or by someone you know taking part. Either way, Coastober is a design challenge created by @rose-grimm-spirit-does-dumb-shit that runs throughout October where you make a design a day based on a ride or attraction designated for that day. So for an example from last year, the 7th of October was designated for The Dragon at Legoland Windsor.

Anyone can take part, however I thought it'd be good to answer any potential questions you may have as well as a general rundown for those who haven't really taken part in stuff like this before!

FAQ

Are you affiliated with/copying CoasterMaynia?

First things first, nope to both. If we ever end up teaming up for whatever reason then this may change but for now they don't know Coastober exists, I also made Coastober before I had any idea that CoasterMaynia existed as I started this back before I was properly in the Tumblr Thoosie circles!

Does Coastober ONLY focus on coasters?

Nope! We actually focus on a healthy mix of coasters, flat rides, and scare attractions! This is another thing that sets us apart from CoasterMaynia.

When does the official lineup for the year come out?

It'll likely come out in September, this is because the "Official" Coastober prompt list is based off my own lineup and since I'm an avid Fright Nights fan I always wait till we have our official event lineup released so I can throw in our newest addition.

Do I have to follow the official prompt lineup to take part?

Nah, if you want you can create your own list for that year and it'll still count! Besides, I can't guarantee that you'll always like the look of my picks and since I like to throw in scare-attractions too there's some that might make you a lil' uncomfy to look into.

The official list I'd say should be taken more as like a guideline or "Hey here's something you can follow if you wanna challenge yourself or can't think of one", it's not absolute sacriledge if you don't use it y'know.

What should I do with my designs during/after Coastober?

Whatever you want! I personally put 'em up for ota and watch people snap 'em up but what you do with them is entirely your call, you could even end up trading coastobers with other participants if you find you've both got designs the other really likes!

What if I'm busy or life happens so I can't finish on time?

Easy, just don't sweat it and take your time. The aim of Coastober isn't to whack out designs one after the other but to learn more about the themed-ents world, push your art and designing skills and have fun. If you have to take a break, miss a day, or even fail to finish within the month then that's okay, feel free to finish everything at a time when you're more capable and available.

After all, october is quite the busy month for thoosies after all and looking after yourself is priotity!

How To Coastober

Pick your lineup. You can either go the official lineup or make your own, both work. Though if you're a little stuck, here's a nifty comparison of the two.

2. Get prepped! While this step isn't exactly nesecary, it certainly does not hurt to do a bit of pre-Coastober research and idea rotating in the run-up. It helps the process flow easier when you're actually doing it!

3. Get going! The time has come, October is here! So grab your pens and snatch your pencils and get designing, remember to both credit myself {Spirit} for the concept of Coastober and tag your designs with #coastober on tumblr so this account can find and reblog them!

Other Useful Info

Account Mods This account is currently ran by: - @rose-grimm-spirit-does-dumb-shit {The Creator of Coastober} - @cherrykitkat

Prompts Lists, both past and present - 2024 OFFICIAL LIST

Fun Facts Coastober's been going on since 2021, this year however {2024} is the first year I'm actually making a proper effort to make it more accessible to others! That's why the prompts list will only go up to 2024!

[markipliers-madhouse]

Hello? Hello Hello?

...Well, this place has been dead for a little bit, hasn't it?

Mentioned a little bit before on that collab piece I did, but figured I'd be better to do a full post bout it here!

So, this AU...has been laying dormant for quite some time, and there's not really any excuses for that. I've just been a little busy with school and life in general, but mainly...haven't had much motivation to do it in all honesty, and their's two main factors to that unmotivation.

1. I kinda realized I'd be needing to write a lot for this story, and though I love writing in general...the scope of this would be like writing a few novels if I continued on, and I just wouldn't have the time or sanity to do that, but more on that later for a solution...

And 2. ...I kinda fell out of FNaF for a moment. Well- Not entirely, I'll always love this series, but I guess it was mainly...the state of the fandom after one certain game...Security Breach. After that game came out, it kinda broke the fandom in half. One half being those who hate the game and left the franchise entirely, now seeing it as nothing but for kids and not taken seriously, and the other...well, actually kids. Y'know the ones. You know.

So that kinda left me kinda unsure for my AU, since I thought if I put stuff out now...it wouldn't really be that appreciated. From the start it was meant to harken back to the original classics of FNaF, but with the fandom mostly filled with newcomers for just this one game, and the original fans gone and unhopeful for the franchise, I just kinda...left this place dorment till I felt motivated again.

...And then the Ruin DLC happened, which gave me a spark of motivation. Seemed this franchise was starting to to head to a better place, getting some old fans back, so that's nice. Got me thinking more bout this AU again...

And then the movie happened, and now i've been slapped in the face with motivation.

SO- Guess that's my excuse for why things have been so empty, but now...I AM READY TO OFFICIALLY SAY IT IS STARTING BACK UP! And not just that...but starting fresh! ...Which, isn't saying much, since I only wrote two chapters for it...y e a h - But there's a reason I'm starting fresh, not just for improved art or retconing some of the mistakes of what I did give out, but mainly because...

I'm turning the AU into a comic!!

That's right! Gonna be drawing the whole thing start to finish! Figured this would be better to me since it's quicker then writing it all, and get to show and improve more of my art, so works out! (You can already kinda see some of that with the new pfp and header) Maybe might get some help in the future, maybe might dable in some animation, maybe a lot of things, but guess we'll just hafta see where it goes from here!

What does that mean for the previous content though? All...f o u r of it? Well, that stuff is gonna be non-canon from here on out! It'll be easier this way since those stuff have either some continuity errors that'll effect the story in the long wrong, or just simply I've changed my mind on some things and it'll be a bit more different! I'm still leaving them up, however! Just cause I think it'll be fun to see how far I've come, and ey some art pieces there weren't bad! ...Too bad...okay like one or two were d e c e n t

TLDR of it tho is this: AU's getting a reboot, gonna be made into a comic now, previous stuff is non-canon, and this page should be a bit more active now!

But yeah! Big things are coming, and I am excited to start up this AU again! I have so many plans for this story that I'm just hoping you guys will love, wanna do justice to both sides of the story! So keep an eye on this blog, might take a little longer, but hoping to get things officially and finally started soon!

And to prove some of that, before I go...you guys deserve a a bit of a sneak peak of what's to come, so...hope you enjoy these redesigns >:]

EDIT: THE SERIES HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN- READ EM HERE- AH-

[polariscroquis]

Polaris Croquis Commissions | Open!

This is my official commission post! I'll update things here until I feel the need to re-do the post (add new artworks, change prices, policies, etc.)

Right now, I'm opening 3 slots! I'll update when they are full/re-open.

If you found this post through a sort of "unrelated" tag, do forgive, but I want to keep things organized on this blog - I'm using all the artworks as refs for tags (and for people who might be interested to find my work too! "^^)

Now, I'll write more details below the cut - and I might update with info to answer eventual general questions I haven't thought yet! I highly encourage anyone interested to read it!

(below the cut, it's basically the info you get on the image, plus a few more things!)

Prices

Half Body (down to knees): $36

Additional Character: +$10

Full Body (down to feet): $46

Additional Character: +$10

The price is per additional character, so let's say you want two people on the commission, that would be 1 additional character, so +$10. You want three people, that would be 2 additional characters, so +$20. And so on.

*Commercial use is not added to the price. If you want it for commercial use, there will be an additional, depending on what you need it for!

Payment Info

I ask for half of the payment after I deliver the 1st sketch. The other half of the payment should be after I deliver the final commission;

I have a preference to be paid on Ko-Fi (via the tip jar), but I do accept PayPal as well. That's because I was recently commission-scammed and I was very scared someone would steal from my real life account;

Regarding revisions and payment: I'm not too picky with revisions, I just ask the client to have common sense. After the client tells me the sketch is fine and I can start working on the final thing, that's it, no turning back (don't worry, I always check like "ok, so I'll start working on the final thing, is there anything you want me to change? Now is the time to say!")

All my prices finish with 6 so it's easier for us to divide in half and pay half before and half after *math* :)

If you get to $66 you get a Papa Seal of Satanic Approval xD

Rules & Additional Info (so far)

I work within 1 week - but it might take more time if it's too detailed. I default 1 week, if I can't, I will let you know, don't worry;

Also, I do have some health ups and downs, if I get caught in a flare up (which hasn't happened in a while, hopefully it'll remain like this!), I'll let everyone know;

All backgrounds are simple - but keep in mind, I consider the Hunter's Moon background simple (some art deco/art nouveau too);

I also hold the right to refuse the commission if I'm uncomfortable with the theme. I do like some dubious stuff and Ghost, so you're gonna have to work hard to get me uncomfortable;

I will draw humans/humanoids in general (other fandoms, OCs, DnD characters, you name it);

I will NOT draw NSFW - sexually explicit (think porn/straight up sexual nudity), heavy gore/violence, borderline criminal/full criminal stuff, heavy fetish. It gets on the uncomfortable territory to me;

I'm ok with sexily alluring stuff, see my other examples for reference;

I'm ok with blood too. Vampires, horror movies, LOVE them. It's just when it's too graphic that it's a no-no for me;

I'm also a music moved person, so if you have a song as reference, throw it at me;

General Advice For Commissioning Me

You know those people who make fun of other people who are passionately speaking about something they love? I'm the uno reverse of that!

Seriously, the more you talk about your idea, the better I can work with it. If you wanna throw a Pinterest board with inspiration at me, a playlist with vibes, a collage, a picture of a cat you found on the street 'cause you want it there, DO IT. I need this kind of thing to work and you're making my life SO MUCH EASIER;

If you wanna write a 3 page explanation of your view, it also works, DO IT;

If you can't do any of that and is struggling, just talk to me. Artists train their minds to think of things in ways people usually won't think, so you can just list a couple of elements you want there, I'm gonna start having ideas and asking you a bunch of stuff so we get somewhere - just please, don't leave me talking alone, sometimes I feel I'm asking too much and being annoying xD

I'm a human being, I've been bullied and scammed as hell in my life, and I truly want to never hurt people like that. So, don't be afraid to talk to me, I don't bite (usually) and I'm working with this because I really enjoy doing it!

Alsoooo, don't be afraid to be yourself. That page with my other works, most of the characters are my OCs and one of them is a drag queen, the other is a trans woman, and one of them has a sort-of drag queen persona just because (long story) ;)

And be nice & polite, again, I'm a person too ^^

That's it so far! If there are any updates, I'll let you know!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Fluff alphabet w/ knubbler (remake)

Remaking this because skimming through the old version some of my hcs have changed + I wanna get back into writing for mtl while the rot is here... maybe I'll do some other characters (winks)

No queue we die like men (I'm inpatient and wanna post mtl NOW!!!!(.. quickly realizing why I dont do long posts like this on mobile anymore. Not proof read we die like dethklok fans

Bonus prompt ♡ is PDA

Notes: reader is GN though this is mostly focused on general knubbler hcs

CWs: edit

Attraction

I would say hes a bit shallow but I'm a dickface shipper/j, serious note I think depending on circumstance he can overlook surface level stuff if you're charming enough! I mention in the original post that I think he enjoys feistier folk; outspoken and ready to dish it back if its tossed at them. It keeps things interesting even if it can get frustrating at times. Needs someone with humor, though

Bonding

He tries to make time for you when hes not working, he usually takes you out somewhere. Usually dinner or to the mall- hes bit materialistic and he doesn't mind spoiling you. Music fanatic, listens to everything and looooves listening to some of the stuff you're into, most definitely dissecting it too thanks to his career

Cuddling

Average older person body type, a bit on the cooler side temperature wise. VERY handsy when cuddling most of the time. Prefers to be big spoon but would not object if you turn the tables

Dates

As mentioned he spoils you, so going somewhere nice (and a bit pricy) is a common date experience. Flirting and innuendos aside, dates also double as a catch up thing for you. Again due to him working hard a lot of the time to keep up with his career

Emotion

Hes pretty level headed, though seeing him getting frustrated or annoyed isnt an uncommon occurrence. He has a pretty normal threshold when it comes to bullshit in the day to day- does get a little more emotional if hes under the influence, its just hard to guess which emotion it'll be until hes drunk

Family

Hes not interested in having children, for the most part. Hes had those fleeting "what if" thoughts, but anything more than that? No. That being said I do personally headcanon that he has siblings, who might have children of their own. Rich aunt knubbler supremacy/j

Gift giving

Again, he spoils you. A lot. He can afford it thanks to working with dethklok, and that's assuming hes not also producing for others. Even if hes not giving you something significant, hes sending you roses to remind you you're his

Harsh

He can get short when hes angry but he does try his best to reel himself in and try to find a solution, and depending on the context willing to compromise so both sides are satisfied. Naturally hes easier to work up if hes stressing out. Prefers to go to the side to cool off if things get too intense

Injury

Very similar to the old post, he reacts accordingly based on the nature of your injury. He can be a little insensitive to it, though, but like.. in. a "oh we have different pain thresholds and I kind of forget that" kind of way

Jealousy

Oh this man gets jealousy with a capital J. Want a quick way to get him worked up? Make him jealous. I mean don't becahse that's kind of shitty but. You know. Depending on the context and how the relationship as a whole is going hes either going to toss you to the side or play your game- has the "I didnt lose you you lost me" mentality, kind of gets nasty with it if you really fuck things up

Kiss

Lots of kisses- quick and light, or deep any passionate. Any kiss is a good kiss- tends to favor your mouth of course! Loves being kisses on the cheek

Love language

Guys I don't think I said this yet but he likes buying stuff for you/j

No serious notes, he listens to you. You're someone he can just talk to, no having to worry about your job or your reputation. Just talking. Hes a good listener, actually. Physical touch is another way he shows his love. Not even just sexually; reassuring and innocent hands on the shoulder or a hand steadying you on your back when you're faltering. Things like that

Marriage

Similar to having children hes never really thought about it. He doesnt strike me as the type to settle and commit to something long term, even just having you long term as a non-spouse is a change for him. He might warm up to it one day, he might not

No

A quick dealbreaker is if you put his career in jeopardy. Hes worked way too hard for this and hes not going to let it get wiped just like that. Not even necessarily getting him fired, just interfering in any negative way can put in a lot of tension

Oddity

Goofy ass laugh. Laughs at his own jokes, most of which being bad or corny. That's not even touching on his sexual innuendos. Horrid. Tomato tomato tomato

Petnames

Naturally he calls you babe and baby. Hon and honey are thrown in there every now and then. Oh he would definitely use dumber names in passing, partly because he unironically thinks they're cute and because he likes seeing your reaction

Quiet time

Well I guess it defeats the purpose of this segment being called "quiet" time but that idea earlier of the two of you just sitting and enjoying music together and analyzing it sounds nice. Outside of that the two of you can sit in silence doing something on your own. Life can get hectic, especially when one or even both of you work for dethklok

Risk

He takes risks, calculated ones though. He thinks about the pros and cons of everything before acting, and if it would be better to do it than do nothing if the outcome doesnt look too good. But that's in the context of himself and his work. But with you? Unless you're dying or in danger he tends to play it safe even if he can still come off as a douche every once in a while

Shh

He has his healthy share of secrets. Nothing wrong with that, privacy is important. If he needs to tell you something that he thinks you should know, he will tell you when its appropriate

Tunes

Maybe its because I'm going insane over these songs, and I hope you can forgive me for not linking them but:

Modern day cane and mx sinister

Both by IDKHBTFM. Less of a "you guys listen to these together/it reminds me of knubbler x reader stuff " but because the songs kind of remind me of him in general/I feel hed listen to these

Upset

He tries to work through things when hes upset, but he does separate himself from the situation if it gets too much- whether it be to keep him from saying or doing something hes really going to regret later or because he just can't deal with it in that moment

He offers to listen to you when you're upset, he tends to be unbiased so he can offer a good solution if that's what you need. He does try to spare your feelings but get ready to sometimes hear what you dont want

Wedding

Valentine

Roses, candies, and a reservation to some fancy place- something higher quality than the usual. Definitely the type to try to initiate intimacy on Valentine's

If it DOES happen, hes going all out. Maybe it's the fact hes rich and famous and he can overindulge a bit, but an expensive wedding is likely. It may not be huge, in terms of attendants though. Just friends and family

Xray

Hes gotten very good at reading people over the years so good luck trying to act normal around him if something is going on. If you seem avoidant about talking, he does try to drop hints that you can talk to him

Yearn

Oh this man yearns, both innocently and not so. He copes well enough between the times you are apart or see each other less

Zzz

Snores in his sleep. Has a long routine. Sleeps like a sickly Victorian person; on his back, head tilted backwards, arms sprawled across his torso. Primarily sleeps on his back, though, maybe you can cuddle into his side

Bonus prompt ♡

Looooves PDA, always holding you in some way. If the setting is professional he will keep his hands to himself. Does not mind showing you off, either

[sysmedsaresexist]

Can you explain endogenic alters forming in a traumagenic system to me?

I'm really confused, but I wanna learn and I've seen you mention it a few times so if it's possible could you explain it? Hope this doesn't come off rude or anything, just trying to understand more

Not rude!

It's not so much that CDD systems have endogenic alters, so much as they can appear to have endogenic alters.

A lot of mixed origin systems are just... Normal DID/OSDD systems, with alters that appear to have come about in common "endogenic" ways.

Once the mechanisms are set in place in childhood, the ability to form alters is always there. It's actually quite uncommon that alters are fully formed in childhood. Many systems only present in adulthood and there are some people that have gone their entire lives never knowing. Before the internet, it was pretty common to only gain system awareness and communication after starting therapy. This specifically happened to me. Had the event that put me in therapy not happened, or I had waited longer to go to therapy, I could probably have been convinced that I only formed in adulthood, if I even realized at all. It took many specific things to be happening in the right order for me to have ended up with a very good trauma therapist at the same time as the first hints of system realization.

All of that to say, realizing you're a system in adulthood is normal, and not necessarily an endogenic only thing.

Alters can take months and years to develop, and even longer to make themselves known, and it's totally possible to form without memories of why you formed. Once the alter is finally aware and you can communicate, it may have been so long since the event that you may never connect the two. As well, alters may form behaviours and habits opposite to what's expected, making it even harder to pinpoint an exact reason. For example, an alter that finally gains full awareness four years after a car crash-- maybe you saw a commercial or heard a news bite or something equally innocuous that plucked at a memory just the right way to wake the alter up, or a fragment you've been watching grow is finally choosing a name and you're so happy to see the spark of joy in it as it tries out options. Would you expect this alter to be afraid of cars? Or would you expect the alter to be completely confident and normal about driving? Now imagine the new alter does the one you didn't pick.

All of that to say that alters can appear to have formed unrelated to any traumatic events or trauma responses.

Believing you've always been a system is also totally a thing DID systems can do. Looking back on my (few) childhood memories now, it's easy (and kind of funny, kind of sad, and kind of nice) to see the hints of some of the alters that are still here today.

If the brain decides there's a need, it will fill that need, consciously or subconsciously. That means that someone with DID/OSDD could likely very easily "create" headmates intentionally, like willowgenic alters (my preferred new term after all the discourse, so much nicer to reference a very pretty tree and free will than racism).

Or even just trick and/or convince yourself that you're doing it intentionally, because sometimes the brain is just dumb and then decides that it's upset with itself after it spat out a new part, so it'll make itself feel better by convincing itself that it chose to create the headmate, because feeling like you have any control over the situation is kind of the Thing™️ in CDD systems.

It's much easier to say that you chose to be a system than it is to give that power to anyone else.

None of these things change the fact that it was childhood trauma that gave you the very mechanism needed to create alters in the first place. You don't need to know your origins to acknowledge you have trauma, and sometimes that's enough, sometimes you don't need to dig for specifics.

Tldr Anyways, yeah, lots of mixed origin stuff is just normal CDD stuff.