#but i took great pleasure in giving the joker some danny sass worthy names

[incrediblyaccuratethoughts]

So, Danny's not a complete idiot.

Yeah, his grades say otherwise but he's always been a street-smarts kinda guy and well. It shows.

With this in mind, he knows something's up with the Waynes. They're a nice family, super great and supportive. They actually check up on him, provide meals and snacks that don't try to attack him, and let him live in their house rent-free. The manner is nice and it doesn't do its best to kill him all-the-way-dead every time he uses the front door, and best of all, they don't drag him down to a creepy basement lab every time he shows a little liminality.

Actually, most of them are liminals themselves. Not half-ghost levels, but definitely of the probably-died-but-came-back variety.

He fits right in, really.

The thing is, the longer he stays with the Waynes, the more he realizes that this family is a little suspicious. Especially what Danny's loving named their 'After Hours Excursions'.

Aka: when half the house disappears into the night on a rotating schedule and comes back a little worse for wear.

Now, Danny's not one to judge, he's done some sketchy shit himself, but with the seemingly endless supply of money, the unspoken hierarchy of a family dynamic, and the quite frankly concerning amount of weapons being carried on a particular 11-year-old, Danny has theories.

He's 85% sure that they're a mob.

It just makes sense, okay? He's connected the dots. And the dots don't lie.

But they let him live his boring little civilian life in peace, have fed and cared for him in their own ways for weeks, and have never once approached him about joining the more violent part of the family business.

That's better treatment than Danny got from both his parents and Vlad combined, so Danny's content to stay.

(After all, he can always disappear if he needs to get the hell out of dodge. He'd miss the little rag-tag family he'd made himself a home in, but he's lost one family, and he can leave another one behind if he has to.)

So when Danny gets kidnapped by some wannabe clown fucker, he goes a little apeshit.

Yeah, he could have waited for bail -or whatever rich people call paying for their loved ones to be returned safely- but this Eggplant-Looking-Motherfucker is going on about how he beat one of the Robins to death and how Danny's similar in stature and hair color. He's raving about what expression will be on Batman's face when he finds Danny in the same state.

Yeah, fuck that.

Danny's been careful to keep as much of a lid on his ghost half as he can get away with so far, but this Disgrace of a Color Pallet -seriously, who pairs lime green and purple in a suit of all things- is getting on his last fucking nerve.

So, with a shit-eating grin, he lets his eldritch form unfurl from his human body like an origami star unfolding to reveal a truly horrifying inner demon.

He's gonna have to be careful about how he does this. He doesn't want to draw any unwanted attention to himself, but he's also a 16-year-old and he deserves a little revenge.

As a treat.

The blood drains from the various goon's faces as Danny's form grows, but Lipstick-For-Days looks up at Danny's towering form of too many electric green eyes, iridescent horns and claws sharpened to a point, and contactly changing shape, reminiscent of a black hole, and looks utterly delighted.

Oh hell no, Danny's not dealing with another crazy fanatic. He had two of those for parents thankyouverymuch. 0/10 would not recommend. And though they were against his entire existence, this look of adoration is somehow worse.

He swipes his iridescent claws at the lackeys surrounding Opposite-Of-A-Spray-Tan, knocking them over like bowling pins. None of them get back up, and Danny knows they're not dead, but he feels a streak of vindictive pleasure at the ease with which he took them to the ground after the rough treatment they'd given him, dragging him here.

He turns his attention back to Color-Inverted-Pennyworth-The-Clown, noting the minor hesitation before the man charges, cackling madly.

Danny picks up Hair-Could-Host-A-Grease-Fire by the back of his godawful suit, looks right into crazed eyes, and drops him.

The startled scream from Spirit-Halloween-Face-Makup is almost worth the hassle of getting kidnapped, but when the man doesn't move again, Danny's a little disappointed.

Yeah, this guy may be human -probably- but Danny had hoped for a bit of a fight.

Oh well, at least he can do his Algerba homework while he waits for the calvary to arrive.

Tag List:

@ultimatebluff @tiblii @hoddielord @gin2212 @thingsarenotgoingwell @epilepticnerd @starlightcat04 @amercurio @vehan-tikkun-olam-and-stuff @xxmadamjinxx @plz-excuse-my-inner-gay @vythika96 @therandomartmaker @kitty-page @dat1angel @thatonegaybitch68 @spikedlynx @crystalqueertea @stargirl1331 @yodeler12 @arken-99 @amyheart19 @genuine-muse @bianca-hooks123 @darkstarsapocalypse @the-legal-shipper @screechingnoises

So I’ve seen some posts going around about a ‘Bruce adopts Danny and everyone thinks they’ll finally have a normal family member—Danny is very not normal’ and here’s my late night take on it.

Or

Danny batfam au where they batfam tries really hard to keep their vigilante ass-kicking nightlife a secret from danny because he is ‘the only normal one in the family’ this becomes a problem however when danny gets kidnapped.

——-

The batfam all work together in a deeply serious family meeting to save their boy. After hours of combines their brains together they come up with a plan that will effectively save danny from joker, kick joker’s ass, and also make them look really cool while doing it.

So they bust in that warehouse, guns blazing, explosions fading in the background, a gust of dramatic dust covers the air

Batman steps infront of the rest of the team and demands to the blurry figure somewhere in the distance, “Where is Danny!”

The dust clears–they expect bad guys pointing weapons meancingly at them, they expect a cackle of a wicked clown amused at whatever plot he had planned coming to life, they expected a terrified boy perhaps tied somewhere likely siting in a chair that joker could present to the bats as a way of taunting them.

The dust settles–they observed their surroundings looking around and realize that, there are few new facts to be added into this ‘defeat the villain, get the bro, happy ending equation’

There is decidedly no weapons being pointed at them: In fact, all of the henchmen are already knocked out and tied up.

There is decidedly no evil laughs being echoed their way: In fact, the only noise that isnt coming from them is a light scritch scratch of a pencil

And there is decidedly no terrified little boy, there is a Danny however and he seems to be doing alright–actually scratch that.

Danny is doing wonders for the situation he’s in right now: In fact–

–Danny is sitting criss cross applesauce on-top a knocked out tied up Joker doing his algebra homework

The small blue eyed boy looks up at Batman's voice and visibly brightens, “Oh hey guys, I was wondering when you’d show up.”

Jason says with the utmost of comprehension, “...what.”

“So hi, I’m kinda new to gotham so sorry about beating these guys up, I think they’re villains? I dunno, anyways if you could take care of these guys while I call an uber home that’d be great.”

Danny sends them a blinding smile which would've been adorable if there weren’t a massive pile of bodies he were casually walking away from.

As Danny nears the exit he looks over his shoulder to the baffled group of vigilantes and blinks

“Oh yeah one last thing,” Danny rubs the back of his neck nervously, “Could you guys not tell the Waynes about this.”

Damian speaks up for the rest of his frozen family, albeit hesitantly, “I do think they have already been alerted of your kidnapping.”

“Oh no that's fine.” Danny starts nervously, “It's more about me being the… fighter… in this situation. I was just adopted by them and they seem really nice, I don’t want to scare them away being all grrrr im a scary monster boy and i love to hurt people argh.”

“I don’t think they’d think you're a monster.” Tim adds quietly

“Eh, tell that to my birth parents–they went psycho on me. Like evil scientist psycho, it was not as awesome as the movies make it sound, having scientists for parents.” Danny says bittersweet as he admits with a shrug

There is a moment of silence as the batfamily reevaluate the adoption file that states Danny’s family before they passed were very good people–albeit a bit excentric.

Dick blurts out, “Where did you learn to fight?”

Danny sends him an anxious chuckle, “I actually started when I was fourteen–my town always ran into some trouble so I had to step up. It’s part of the reason I moved here actually. I really don’t want anything to do with that hero vigilante life anymore…” The boy puts his hands together in a pleading motion, “So please don’t tell The Waynes!”

Bewildered at the situation as a whole they nod in a daze

The boys eyes widen at their easy agreement and he grins, “Thank you so so much! I’ve got to go now, it’s way past my curfew. but you’ll probably see me again next time I get kidnapped–I’ll make sure to put in a good word for you guys with my family bye!”

And just like that Danny slips off into the night leaving behind a family who were so sure they finally found a normal addition to their pack.

Jason sighs looking forlornly at the spot Danny had previously been standing, “You could just never pick the just semi-mentally healthy normal kids could you?”

Bruce groans pinching his the bridge of his nose