#but i think it jibes w her canon characterization lol she misses indira sooo bad)

[homielander]

on homelander and ryan

well first let me just say that the confrontation with bonnie and adam filled me with unspeakable dread. exploitation of inequitable power dynamics in the workplace at the expense of a female subordinate... yeah, surely that won't come up later! 😃 but i tried to ignore that context so i could enjoy them sipping sinisterly on their chocolate milkshakes which was very fun

anyway. i really enjoyed the homelander and ryan scenes in this episode because it finally felt like we were watching two people who had been living together for a few months... there was a real ease and familiarity to their interactions. (their scenes from eps 1-3 were a bit expository for my taste, i guess.) and i loved that there was no dramatic acknowledgement of homelander's breakdown in their last scene together (even though an apology would have been warranted on homelander's end) because sometimes that's just the way things go. their conspiratorial rapport during the bonnie and adam bit was also kind of adorable, sorry. homelander is being as corny as ever and ryan actually entertains it because he loves his lame dad!!!

i was so gratified seeing homelander ask ryan what he wants... everyone jumped on him for saying "i've given you everything that i ever wanted!" in 4.03 but if you were horrifically abused as a child and then had to care for a child of your own, ensuring said child has everything you longed for is a pretty important consideration (which extends to the freedom to make one's own choices, as we see here. we just needed to give him a minute he was literally working on it!)

the other element to asking ryan what he wants is that homelander doesn't know what to do with this newfound freedom either. yes, he did say at the onset of the season that his goal is to leave behind a world that is "pure" and "cleansed" (supe-led) for ryan, so that ryan never feels the need to bend to public opinion or corporate interests. but what does homelander want for himself now that he's free from the constraints of seeking public adoration??? he has no idea, so he gets his son to choose for him instead. and in a very real sense, "cleansing" the world for ryan is healing for him too, because they are one entity... i love codependence

that doesn't mean homelander doesn't put his own disturbing twist on ryan's wish to "help people". ryan's enjoyment admittedly felt pretty jarring but my take on it is that bonnie's immediate readiness to slap that director made him feel as if he was empowering someone. that's what he wants! while homelander is just glad that a human (it helps that it's the annoying guy who works for him) is experiencing pain. homelander is no longer motivated by winning anyone's approval either so there's even less overlap with ryan's genuine desire to save others. i imagine that this disconnect will come to a head soon... excited to see where things go next!