#but i think it does a disservice to the great things in rogue one

[a-couple-of-notes]

Okay but the frustrating part of Andor is that I know it's good, I am happy it's good, and I am aware that that is a net positive for Rogue One and Star Wars in general - but I can't help but think that this will skew so many discussions of Jyn and Cassian's relationship (and, to an extent, Rogue One as a whole) to just be about how Andor reframes Cassian's feelings/actions. Like there's so much Cassian content now that Jyn will get lost.

And yeah, I know that's a little irrational, and no fault of the show at all. I also think it's very fun to talk about how Andor reframes our understanding of Cassian! But Jyn's so interesting in her own right. I wanna talk to people about how "her line about people not sticking around when things go bad is even MORE meaningful than it was before" and "now Jyn's bitterness toward the rebellion/Cassian makes so much more sense" because I don't think we talk about the fact that Cassian wasn't the only child soldier in that ship NEARLY enough

I guess I'm just saying - Jyn deserves her own show.

[mancer-in-the-abbey]

Been putting a bunch of smaller headcanons in a larger post that maybe one day will see the light of day. In the meantime uhh Ghouls as D&D classes GO

Dewdrop: That’s a rogue right there. Although there is a real argument to be made for fighter, I’m going with rogue. He’s got that kind of sass, you know? He’s also INCREDIBLY good at the things he’s proficient in (expertise anyone?) and has a massive chip on his shoulder. I’ve yet to meet a rogue that doesn’t have a chip on their shoulder.

Rain: Hard choice, but ima go with warlock. You think I’m joking, “ooh band about Satan has a warlock, who would have guessed,” but I think it would fit HELLA well with his whole deal. Despite stumbling in the beginning, dude has very good stage presence, although in a bit understated in comparison to the other highly charismatic ghouls, just like how Charisma being a Warlock’s main ability takes on a different form in comparison to other charisma casters. Also… Pact of the Fathomless? Tentacles? Writes itself, really.

Phantom/Aeon: It took some figuring out but I think Sorcerer fits best. Think about it, despite being shaky in his stage dynamic with the rest of the ghouls when he first started, he had such big stage presence right out of the gate with all his cool guitar tricks! That to me reads as someone who has such innate charisma that he’s able to keep up even when out of his depth. That to me reads like someone whose magic has always been a part of them and whose abilities stem from their willingness to fake it till you make it. He for SURE is a Sorcerer.

Aether: Oh come on. Anyone who knows about d&d knows Aether would be a cleric. That’s not even fair at that point. Twilight Cleric too, purely for the vibes of it. The whole point of rhythm guitar is to be the backbone on which the lead guitar’s melody can shine and the bass’s riff can keep pace! Support is what the cleric is all about! Also healing. Just. Cleric. Next question.

Cirrus: Fighter! Fighter! Fighter! Fuck yeah she’s a fighter, and she is having SO much fun! She is a woman that can kick your ass, make it look easy, and make you thank her for it. Her and Lus’s keys are such a key part of what keeps things running smoothly and you ALWAYS need at least one martial class person in your party if you want to make it. You just know she’s the one people go to to open the stuck lids when Aether isn’t around. You love to see it.

Cumulus: Tough call, but something in me says Paladin? She is SUCH a strong presence in the backing vocals, something non-charisma feels like a disservice. Not a bard though, she doesn’t actually show off that much on stage. And yeah, outside of the actual stage performances, she strikes me as the kind of person to have a strong moral code that she adheres to. She could definitely get herself a Paladin Oath through sheer force of will if she wanted.

Aurora: Okay this one was INCREDIBLY hard cause I don’t actually know that much about her. With that in mind, based purely on vibes? I honestly am feeling Wizard. She seems to exude a lot of excitement and eagerness which, to me, translates really well into curiosity. She is so incredibly interested in everything the surface world has to offer and that includes how magic functions differently from how it does in the Pit. It might take her some tries, but once she gets the basics she would be a MENACE of a spell caster. Maybe Bladesinger so she can learn cool spells and swing a sword at people simultaneously?

Sunshine: This might be a bit of a weird call but to me, Sunshine is a monk. Like, in shows she’ll sometimes be super high energy and sometimes go full unflappable, intimidating ghoul. It’s like step of the wind vs patient defense to me. Also, I think just very generally she has some great speed if you let her. That woman has a “can’t stop won’t stop” attitude, and isn’t that just the monk in a nutshell?

Swiss: Bard. I don’t even think I need to explain it but I’m gonna anyways. I mean, the multiple instrument proficiencies, being one of the main back-up singers, fuck man, that dude RULES his tiny stage of shame with an iron fist and every time he’s let off of it all hell breaks loose. Also, the Jack of All Trades feature is very in-line with how we as a fandom interpret his abilities as a multi-ghoul. He is literally good at everything! Bards are just like that! HE is just like that!

Mountain: Could you imagine if I just picked something like Barbarian? Could you imagine if I said Mountain “Forest Cryptid” Ghoul was a Ranger? Druid. Full stop.

[thunderboltfire]

Sera could be an example of how to make a terrible disservice to a character

An essay, by me.

I tend to be really cautious when the general public doesn’t like a video game character. Sometimes it’s just a specific aspect of them that tends to make people hate them - sometimes it’s even an unfortunate line, or a character doesn’t truly fit the setting, and even if they have very interesting, hidden side not many people get to see it. And sometimes just people jump on a bandwagon and hate for its own sake. I generally try to give characters a fair chance to get to know them.

That being said, I don’t really like Sera. I went through the full friendship route and throughout the majority of it, I felt that something’s off. It probably wasn’t the fact that her dialect wasn’t always well translated - she always seemed to stand out from the background, but not in the best way. I wondered what’s wrong exactly - she has some endearing qualities, she likes to have fun, she can pack a punch when needed. It bugged me for a long time, but finally, after thinking it through, I think I’ve got it.

The problem is twofold: one, her characterisation is inconsequential - and two, she doesn’t seem to fit the tone and overarching themes of DA:I.

Why do I think Sera was written in a way that doesn’t make her fit well into DA:I?

Well, what do we know about Sera?

She’s a great archer, she is skilled at guerilla warfare (especially urban guerilla warfare, if the Red Jennies’ general area of operation suggests anything), she’s an agent of a powerful (albeit decentralised) organisation, she’s a Robin Hood-esqe rogue and she’s all about having fun. That’s unfortunately where the problem in her characterisation begins. Sera sees the injustice and opposes it in many instances, but what she expresses as her main motive to joining the Inquistion is for the life to get back to what it was before the crisis, which may seem selfish on her part. She is usually acting rather consistently as a rebel to the established power dynamics, but she seems to know that she - or the Inquisitor, for the matter - doesn’t have the power to overthrow the current state of things. She craves change, but on her own terms. Her apparent conservatism (wanting for everything to be back to normal) is in fact the fear of the unknown more than the actual fear of change, but the execution of her character makes it look like she’s a walking contradiction. Her very personal sense of right and wrong, imbalanced by the unusual situation she’s found herself in, makes it pretty hard to predict her reactions. Her quick judgement, which undoubtedly was an asset for a Red Jenny put her at a disadvantage in a situation she doesn’t understand, and make her look completely unpredictable.

DA:I was often described as a game about politics, and the political themes seem to be more prevalent than in DA2, or even DA:O. Very often we hear that we have to secure the influence in a certain region, we have to negotiate, politically we have to be everyone’s best friend and hold everyone at a knifepoint - often in the same time. We have to get involved in the Game, whether we like it or not. Sera fits into it very weirdly, or rather, doesn’t fit in at all - put into a situation where you and the members of your inner circle have to maintain cold blood and consider the consequences, she’ll act in accordance to her own principles - that is, overthrow the board, or outright refuse to play by the rules. She’s got a heart in the right place, but logically speaking, she’d work way better as an agent, than as a member of an Inner Circle, where almost everyone knows and respects the stakes. Wherever You’d need to sow chaos and undermine the existing authority, You’d send Sera in and she’d do what she does best; instead, if You take her with You on any quest important for the main plot, she’ll be understandably dissatisfied, because while the Inquisition’s goals align with her own, its methods don’t.

That’s especially frustrating, because her rebellious attitude isn’t in itself a flaw. You could just put her in Kirkwall and she’d do great - in a cast of intense characters who drive the story and are for the better or worse trapped in a terrible city, a street smart archer who's pulling the strings behind the scenes to help the poor would be an instant favourite. Hawke’s crew is a walking trouble with law and authority already, they already have a pirate queen and an important figure in the local *cough cough* Merchant Guild onboard, and I’d love to see Sera’s point of view on the situation. I feel that practically any installment of Dragon Age would be a better playground for a character like her except DA:I. I would even argue that if her and Sebastian switched places, both characters would benefit from it. In Kirkwall, place with rampant social stratification, Sera would definitely have a lot to do - her personal history and her difficult relationship with her identity as an elf could be explored in a more complex way. Instead in the Inquisition, Sebastian’s arc would allow the Inquisitor to get deeper into the meanders of Freemarcher politics. That’s also not to say that there ISN’T a way to fit a rebellious rogue into a politics-heavy, high-stakes narration. Thronebreaker does it amazingly well, making Gascon a fan favourite and a left hand of main character who does the job brilliantly. The difference is that despite being a comic relief at times, his personality traits align with what could make him a respected leader of a bandit group in the first place. He is always prepared, he always has a backup plan, he knows how to negotiate and threaten. He can be selfish, ruthless and cruel - but at the same time, he knows how to gain and maintain common people’s support and he will react if he thinks the main character is going against their interest. He will always do things his way, he can be an exhausting opponent or a formidable ally.

What could Sera’s intended role in the Inquisition be, either plot-wise or narration-wise?

Speaking from the plot point of view, she’s a high ranking agent of a widespread secret organisation - it’s implied she has access to a lot of intelligence and she has quite a bit of favours to call, if she needs to. This makes her a perfectly reasonable asset for an Inquisition. However, there’s two problems here: one, her characterisation as an impulsive, trigger happy chaotic neutral rogue doesn’t fit someone who would work at the high levels of a secret organisation. And second, her being a Red Jenny seems terribly underutilised. Outside of a personal quest and a few errands at the War Table she doesn’t feel like someone with actual influence in the world - for sure not more than Varric, and he plays his influence down on purpose.

Narration-wise the important angle of Sera’s presence in the Inquisition could be being a voice of a common person, a representation of common folk’s pent-up anger over suffered injustice. She might be a character reminding the Inquisitor who they are really fighting for. Except that her treatment in-game makes this sort of narration ridicoulous, because young and inexperienced, she’s constantly dismissed and her claims seem to be more of a personal angle than an actual representation of wider norms.

The majority of people in-game also isn’t shown as valuing her input - the Inquisitor can dismiss her anytime, she’s considered a questionable ally at best by the advisors, she’s repeatedly described as an unpredictable wildcard in-and out-of game. Her supposed influence as a Red Jenny is almost never discussed or agknowledged. She seems out of her depth, and she isn’t easily persuaded. She seems to be a paragon of self-determination, but she makes no effort to understand those different from her (e.g. the Dalish inquisitor, the mages, or Cole). Her judgement is rarely the Okham’s razor you’d expect it to be if her role was to provide a sort of an “outsider’s perspective” to the issues You face.

It’s not to say that her characterisation doesn’t make sense - she seems like a believable portrayal of what does it mean to be a young person in a world full of injustice, where crisis never ends. But in context, she both seems like a person who’s notably difficult to cooperate with, and a character which is weirdly static in comparison to the others. Her arc is supposed to be about overcoming the consequences of lies she’s been told when she was young, but at the end of it her worldview, particularly her approach to elves - those from alienage or Dalish - doesn’t change at all. It seems to me that she has a lot of unresolved issues and for sure there is a lot of opportunity for character development in there, but it. isn’t. utilised. It isn’t only limited to Sera - in the Inquisition there’s more characters who don’t really change in the course of the game, but she’s maybe the most glaring example because her relatively young age and new experiences should make for a pretty dynamic character. In this way, the writers not only made disservice to her by the choosing to include her in a heavily political plot, but also did her a disservice because she seems disengaged from the player’s influence - she can applaud our choices or be upset with them, and she’s an occasional comic relief, but the interaction with the player doesn’t influence her otherwise.

[sambargestuff]

I don't hate Andor but I am conflicted about it. Specifically.... well, there's a lot and I don't want to write a dissertation here.

I just saw a gift of "I've been in this fight since I was six years old," and it got me thinking about the annoying, wholly unnecessary retcons in Andor again.

ETA: Actually, I will add a bit of a dissertation.

I think Andor has some beautiful moments, excellent actors, and good writing (in both character development and plot).

The speech by Luthen, for example ("I burn my life for a sunrise I'll never see") is brilliant both for the sentiment AND for Skarsgard's delivery. As a person that works in labour activism, I actually use that speech in training. Movements are full of people like Luthen (and Andor) and that's something that Star Wars never acknowledges but it's a truth that can inform movements; yes, Martin Luther King was a hero but he wasn't the Civil Rights Movement. There were countless activists that "burned their lives for a sunrise they'll never see" and we should understand their struggles. We should understand that even if we can't be MLK (or Luke Skywalker) that we can be an integral part of the movement.

If you're older than 12 and you want to remain a fan of SW, then you need the franchise to offer some adult content* and Andor (and Rogue One) does that. But....

They could've let some (or all) of Rogue One survive the movie and made a series of their activities through the next 3.5 yrs of rebellion (the length of time between Battle Yavin and Battle Endor). The writers would have been able to get across all the good things in Andor without destroying the seeds in R1. I love Diego Luna (I was a fan before R1) and I love Cassian but I also love Jyn, Bodhi, K2, Chirrut, and Baze. I would've watched the hell out of a show with them fighting the Empire and getting the plans for the 2nd Death Star. Imagine them fighting for a cause they believe in while struggling with the morality of some of their actions. Think of Cassian in the scene where he kills Tivik. Now imagine him being challenged by Jyn, influenced by Bodhi, needled by K2. Come on. Also, the characters would be aging with the actors so we wouldn't have to believe that 40 yr old Diego is 20 yr old Cassian. Just saying.

The retcon of Cassian's background was not only unnecessary; it completely changes his character arc in R1. If they really needed to make a prequel for Andor, what's wrong with a story of a rebel that's been in the fight since he was 6 yrs old?! Remember the image of Cassian when R1 came out was of Palestinian kids throwing rocks at Israeli tanks. That's a fucking awesome story. Instead we get a character that makes a lie out of the character of Cassian in R1. Also, there's no explanation for why no one can know he's from Kenari and they had to create a backstory about Fest or why the planet he was from was called Kenari and not just called Fest. It's a small thing but it also isn't a small thing, if you follow me.

Andor has a lot of good characters and story lines in it but it has some egregious missteps. Maarva is a character with good and bad in her but she's not developed enough for fans to see that, so most people hate her and see her as an abusive foster parent. Has Gilroy never heard of the 60s Scoop? Even if he hadn't, did he think drugging a child and abducting him was a morally neutral act? You know that fans hate Maarva because there's all this fan fiction that includes Cassian's hag of a foster mother who he inexplicably loves and cares for. Mosylu's Hold Me Like a Grudge does Maarva the best, I think, and gets her complexity but clearly people dislike the fuck out of her.

Bix is another misstep. She's essentially fridged for Andor and that's just weak and a disservice to the character. They created a woman with her own life and career, who apologetically sleeps with her boyfriend (SEX?! In SW?!) and tortured her until she was dependent on Andor to save her. I mean. Okay. I guess.

The good stuff - Mon Mothma, her family dynamic and struggles, Dedra and Karn as villains - could've been part of a series that is consistent with R1 canon. Even Luthen could've been part of it all without all the changes.

I can't shake the feeling that Andor is actually a slap in the face to Jyn Erso. Maybe it's the way they gave Cassian some of Jyn's actual back story or maybe it's because Jyn was the protagonist of R1 and she's probably not going to feature in Andor except as a fan service call back right at the end. The old feminist in me gets her hackles up whenever a female character is sidelined in favour of a male character. One of the joys of R1 is that Jyn and Cassian were equals. I would have loved a series that maintained that dynamic, romantic partners or not (but imagine the slow burn of that).

I could go on but I really need to walk my dog and go to the gym and work. I need to keep burning my life for a sunrise I'll never see.

*Or you end up being one of those people that doesn't understand the Vader and the Empire are the baddies, ffs. Boba Fett is not a hero of the franchise, ffs.

hmmMM I might actually hate andor. specifically I always hated that it retconned so much of what little backstory we had for cassian, and for literally no reason except a quick buck - they could have created a new character instead of making cassian a hypocrite in rogue one. but the real issue is how obnoxious andor fans have been. to hear some of them discuss it, you'd think tony gilroy had invented communism and was leading a revolution 🙄

also it's become impossible to find fic that doesn't use the andor backstory, because no one tags properly, and as a "I've been in this fight since I was six" enjoyer, that's very annoying.

[wallwriterstuff]

Her Reflection ||Marcus Volturi x Reader||

Warnings: Angst city central, descriptions of grief and depression

Words: 2741

Taglist: @royalvolturisblog @thelastemzy ​ @ferb13 ​ @raindancer2004 ​ @a-avaunce @broskibowser ​ @alecvolturiswifeforever ​ @college-is-coming @perfectcolortreestudent @volturidoll13 ​ @vamp-army

Summary:

A request for @like-rain-or-confetti

Marcus is resolute in his grief, so much so he has refused Corin’s gift many a time. When you show up, he can’t help but realise that perhaps his centuries of suffering were enough, that the contentment you offer is far more permanent than Corin’s. Maybe,  just maybe...Didyme sent you to him to give him one last chance at the happiness she loved to spread about.

You were a wonderful find.

Aro had been delighted to see you in his thoughts. He had been forced to leave the safety of Volterra for a business trip, the accounts of their business front needing attention every few decades to keep up the ruse of a modern, evolving company with changing leadership and new blood in its crew. The journey to Rome had been uneventful until they found the rogue little newborn tearing holes in a small residential area they had had to pass through. Demetri had quickly found the little fiend and as Aro took his face in his grasp, the images had raced through his mind, the regret he hadn’t taken your offer to help him strongly resonating through his body as it was mercilessly torn apart.

“Oh…Demetri…find this one.” He had murmured. Demetri did, and you had been amongst the guard now for eleven months. It had been a surprise to Marcus when you showed up with his brother as you didn’t seem to fit the Guard’s image – he wasn’t sure you knew how to be intimidating. It was clear you hadn’t come of your own volition, you were far too intelligent to be deceived into thinking Aro’s offer to join was real and clearly saw you actually had no choice at all, but still you came with a gracious smile, like you’d rather be nowhere else. After so many centuries of living and travelling as nomad you had confessed to Marcus a place to settle was nice, and despite so much time on your own you had a warm and welcoming nature that just drew the others to you.

It was all too easy to find your place when your place seemed to be everywhere and anywhere. As bitter and cautious as they were, even the twins seemed to warm to you rapidly after a few discussions. Marcus was mildly intrigued at first, but he didn’t really see enough of you to form any solid opinion on you. He only knew what he had heard, and what he had heard was that you were helpful and kind, quick to soothe pain and anger in others even if it festered in yourself. It sounded so awfully familiar to him that the raw ache in his chest, one that had never really gone away, throbbed so badly he was forced to turn his face to avoid your visage when you entered the room. Still, your voice was sugar sweet, melodic and soothing, it was a balm somehow to that pain. Months later he couldn’t say he was rid of it, he never would be rid of the pain he was sure, but it had dimmed somewhat.

His intrigue had turned to infatuation quickly when he finally let himself cast a glance at you. You were attractive to him, very pleasing to the eye though not in an exaggerated way. What made you beautiful was your personality, and it was what brought so many to your side in their efforts to win themselves a chance at capturing your affections. You turned down one after the next, the bonds you chose to make with the rest of the Guard purely founded on friendship and nothing more. Even when you grew those you coveted most it never came close to anything romantic and he was somewhat glad of that. He didn’t want to be the reason you never knew happiness, but he couldn’t help but wish that perhaps you might find it in him. There were other complications with that of course, because how could you ever give yourself to someone so broken? Was he even capable of love? How did you find happiness in someone devoid of it? He had felt it once before and this was so similar…

You had shown up more and more in the throne room, guarding them as they read. If you ever noticed his stare you didn’t say or make it obvious, but you did catch his eye once or twice and the smile you gave him warmed him inside. It had felt awful the first few times because how could he betray Didyme like that? How was it right, how was it fair, that he might get to feel any semblance of joy after his mate had gone unavenged? Was it even possible to fall in love again? Perhaps the centuries had worn away that original bond, but even that felt like a disservice to Didyme’s love, her kindness. It was enduring in ways that nothing else was. Then it hit him, you reminded him of her. The bond he could form with you was not so different to the one he had shared with her, you were too similar for it not to be.

Didyme’s gift had been happiness, the aura so inviting she had infected everyone around her with it, and while you didn’t share that gift you shared that personality. Marcus understood then, why the colour had returned to the halls as he walked them, why the sunshine seemed warmer on his skin as he passed by windows. It was you. Yet more complications came with that revelation because he was growing ever more restless (in his own lethargic way) and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hide it. How did he tell you he had grown to love you for the very same reasons he had loved her? It was like looking at her reflection distorted in a mirror, a different face and different person but the same kind of heart. You had different passions and opinions and a slightly lethal edge to your physical prowess that he found gave him comfort, for it reminded him you were not her and you were able to defend yourself in ways she hadn’t been able to, but it also finally gave him the courage to admit that yes, he did love you, he did love you and he loved you because though you were like her you were not her.

Marcus didn’t want you to think about Didyme though when you spoke to him, he didn’t want you to see yourself as a replacement for a great, epic love. Unbeknownst to him, you had enquired about the sad king the moment you arrived. Marcus’s entire being radiated such grief and pain that it had been impossible not to ask about him, and given your easy to talk to nature (and the fear of what would happen to you if you unknowingly stuck your foot in your mouth) many a guard had happily told you the reasons for his depression.

“Didyme was beautiful.”

“Didyme was always so kind.”

“She made a whole room light up when she walked into it.”

“It was the greatest love story our kind have ever seen.”

Every statement had only made your heart hurt for the man more and more. His pain was so palpable, but his interest was also obvious. For a man so broken by the loss of such a momentous love it was surprising to say the least, but you also weren’t complaining. You had no desire to see anyone feel like he did, to be so trapped in darkness, and you had made it your mission to make the throne room feel a little lighter whenever you walked into it. Marcus was rather attractive in his own way, even with the corners of his mouth pulled down and his eyes so devoid of light. You were sure with a real smile he would look radiant as his eternal youth dictated he should. The day you got to see that first wisp of a smile was the day you became more determined to see it more often. Most people had gotten so used to overlooking Marcus unless he was called upon that you were able to share subtle looks and smiles from across the room with nobody really noticing – you smiled so often it wasn’t an unusual thing to see.

It was getting close to an important anniversary, important in Marcus’s mind anyway. You had been with the Guard for almost a year and people had started to notice the effects on the quiet King. Marcus had taken to wandering the halls more often than before, enjoying the library and the music room. The Gardens would be off-limits for a while yet, the tree planted in Didyme’s honour still blooming strong every year due to Aro’s careful upkeep and too much for his heart, his eyes. It was while admiring a painting in the hall that he came across you.

“Surely, after the length of your stay with us, you have seen this piece before?” his voice was soft, a slight rasp from the disuse and lack of satisfaction in his life that had lasted so long it was difficult to get rid of it. He felt like a schoolboy when you smiled at him, and for once he embraced the feeling rather than trying to shun it.

“I have, still it amazes me.” You confessed.

“There are larger pieces.” He mused.

“Size does not guarantee quality.” Your response was accompanied by a cheeky smile that made his own lips twitch upward, that ghost of a smile upon on his lips making you sigh contentedly. Twice in one day? It must have been vampire Christmas. For a while, you stood in silence and contemplated the painting before you. It was a simple piece of artwork, the Tuscan countryside interrupted by a quaint little cottage.

“What do you see?” Marcus asked you quietly. Head tilting, you hummed thoughtfully.

“I see peace.” You voice was decisive and he couldn’t help but frown. Peace? He had studied art a lot over the centuries and he had to admit, he had never once looked at this piece twice as something he could profoundly evaluate. It was a field, it was a cottage, it was…something that felt very literal in what it was.

“Peace?” he questioned.

You hummed. “The colours are so warm, and the hills just keep rolling. This landscape stretches forever, an endless path of golden light. There is always something to look forward to ahead but so much beauty around that cottage that you would be equally as happy to stay in that moment. To be able to see the beauty in what’s around us…that is the key to peace to me.”

Marcus could only stare at the painting, trying to see what you saw. He had seen nothing but grey for so long that the warm colours still felt faded. He couldn’t really remember what true peace felt like until he became brave enough to stand beside you. You radiated it. You were so content in life it was impossible not to feel the peace of mind you carried with you everywhere you went.

“What do you see?” you asked him. He didn’t dare stare into those wine-red eyes, sure his words would flee him. Marcus cleared his throat slightly, contemplating what to say. The truth was, he hadn’t seen anything in art ever since he began to study it. He had never seen metaphors or symbolism. Art had the potential to be beautiful and breath-taking but he had lost his ability to see it, until recently. There was…something, he realised, the more he stared at it.

“I see a cottage,” he said slowly, “But it is plain. Plain yet…surrounded by warmth. Isolated, and yet beautiful…it is…it feels as though, it could be home.” There was a deafening silence after he spoke, his words carrying more weight than he had first realised, weight you clearly felt. Marcus had lived in darkness, in agony and despair, in shadows, but with you there was light, joy, and beauty. He could live that way again if you allowed him the chance to. He could find that beautiful home in you. His hand was slow, reaching for yours. For a while the tip of his little finger touching the side of your hand was all he felt, not brave enough to go any further but so desperate to. When your fingers twitched, curling around his own to link your pinkies and hold his hand loosely, he knew instinctually that you wouldn’t let go. You would help him take that last step into the light. He didn’t need to be afraid.

“Master-“

“Marcus,” he amended softly, “I wish for you to call me Marcus.”

You nodded. “Marcus, then.”

A startled little laugh escaped him, because Didyme had once said the exact same thing to him. Unknowingly, you had replicated their very first exchange. Surprised red eyes stared up at him – you had never heard him laugh before. He seemed just as shocked since he wasn’t sure he was capable of such a sound anymore.

“You…you are so like her.” he sighed wistfully. In an ideal world she would be here, but…wasn’t this ideal? A second chance was unheard of amongst their kind and he was desperate to grasp it with both hands, but he feared holding too tight and shattering the hope he was unknowingly placing in you.

"Her? I...oh...Marcus..." you trailed off. Marcus finally met your eyes, the depth of sadness in his expression something you knew now you would never be able to fully alleviate, but you could meet him in the sea of his despair and keep him afloat, couldn’t you? This kind man deserved better.

“Forgive me. I had no wish to startle you, but you remind me so much of…of Didyme.” He whispered. Your expression softened, but there was no pity there, no sympathy, only gratitude. His honesty was applaudable and the courage it must have taken to say her name, that he felt safe enough to attempt such a feat with you of all people…you were grateful. Grateful to share this quiet moment with a man you had come to greatly admire, grateful to be held in such high esteem by him.

“That makes me truly happy to hear.” you confessed. Marcus frowned, looking confused.

“It does?” he questioned. You smiled, giving your interlocked fingers the slightest squeeze. Marcus slid his palm against your own, fully taking hold of your hand now he was more confident his affections were not about to be rejected.

“The day I arrived you looked so sad. I asked around, not wanting to say anything I shouldn’t and upset you further. The tales I heard, the descriptions I was given…it is an honour to think I might remind you of her in even the smallest of ways.” Your reassurance was like a warm blanket. Feeling cocooned and safe, he lifted your intertwined hands to brush the lightest of kisses against your knuckles. The tender gesture would have made you blush if you still had the ability.

“She was truly a miracle in my life, yet for all the ways you remind me of her, you seem to have just as many differences between you two,” he murmured, “I confess…I admire the reflection of her I see in you, but I love the little things that mark you as separate from her. It felt wrong to do so, yet I could not help it.” Pursing your lips, you tried to calm your racing thoughts as Marcus watched you for any hint of reaction. He had been open and honest, taken a brave step, and he needed you to meet him halfway lest he retreat back into the shadows. Living in hope was no foreign thing for you and you didn’t just meet him halfway, you anchored him in that hope so he might never retreat again.

“It would be a privilege to help you remember what it is like to be loved.” You assured him. Marcus gave you another small smile. Over time, those smiles grew and grew until they crinkled his eyes at the corners. Some days he laughed. On one rare occasion you had gotten him to dance with you in the music room to the record playing on the gramophone. Bit by bit the light returned to his eyes until he beamed so brightly when he saw you that it was obvious to everyone the Marcus they had once known had been partially revived. Grief was a constant companion but it no longer crippled him, and in the safety of your embrace Marcus felt so far from the shadows he was certain for the first time in centuries that he was finally free of them.

[4dorks-1windmage-1shadow]

The Links as D&D Characters, Part 4: Violet (Vio) Link

Inspired by a question I saw on @hauntinghyrule ‘s blog. My character analysis and thoughts on what character class the boys would be if they were D&D characters, and why.

Green / Red / Blue / Shadow / Vaati / FS Zelda

As a preface, there won’t be any doubles on classes except in the case of dual-classing, and in those cases the first class I talk about my justifications for will be the primary class (i.e. the class they would have chosen at level one). My choices will be based on the character theming and personalities, even though at a base level it would be easy to say “they’re all paladins, duh” because of the implied “holy knight chosen by the gods to eradicate evil” concept. Vio is a high Intelligence, high Dexterity, high Charisma character- or at least he is based on his depiction in the manga. You may be thinking: Athena, what do you mean Vio has high charisma? Isn’t he more known for his intelligence and strategic abilities? You’re right, and also, you misunderstand. He’s not using that high charisma for Persuasion or Performance or even Intimidation. Remember how Vio spends an entire story arc fooling Shadow into thinking they were friends and Vio was evil, and how he also fooled Green, Red, and Blue (up until giving Green the hint that he was a double agent)? That’s all going into Deception baby! There’s only two classes that I can think of where Intelligence, Dexterity, and Charisma (1 out of the two for CHA actually) are major players: Wizards and Rogues. My actual pick is Rogue, but we’ll go through Wizard just to see why I didn’t go with Wizard.  Vio’s demeanor lends itself well to the vision of a wizard- wizards are spellcasters that gain magic through intense study, and Vio is seen carrying a book around during the manga. This book somehow magically has the answers to whatever he needs (or it was just specifically written about Force Gems and I’m being dramatic), and Wizards have spellbooks that have their spells in it. Vio could be a really great wizard, but there’s three issues I personally found with that.  1. Wizards have low HP. Their hit dice is a d6 (a trait they share with Sorcerers), and Vio could go head to head with Green in melee combat. Of course, low health doesn’t usually matter if you don’t get hit, but the whole point of a wizard is to hide behind the beefier tanks and blast the big bad monster with meteor strikes and giant explosions and like a whole lot of psychic damage and pray to whatever gods might take pity on a poor arcane magic user that the big bad doesn’t just like. . .step on them. Vio may not be as much of a front line fighter as say, Green and Blue are, but he’s not squishy. 2. Wizard subclasses give tons of variety in terms of how you can play them, but I don’t see any of the wizard Arcane Traditions being worth the low health, complete lack of armor and complete lack of ranged weapons (meaning Vio wouldn’t have access to his signature bow). School of Abjuration isn’t a good fit, because Vio’s idea of protecting is to actually throw himself head first into danger (like when he dived in front of Stone Arrghus to save Red, or like the entire double-agent arc). School of Conjuration doesn’t have anything that really relates to Vio symbolically or in regards to his story arc. School of Divination could be a good fit for him, since he’s all about knowledge and anticipating what the enemy is going to do next, but then. . .Blue’s weird spidey-sense in the Erune & Rosie story could make him a contender for that if his intelligence stat were high enough. School of Enchantment is a no, because even though Vio has high enough charisma to deceive pretty much everybody in the double-agent arc, he’s not. . .ever really shown doing anything else charismatic, and it just doesn’t seem fitting for the type of character he is. School of Evocation is the magic of big explosions and elemental magic, which is great, but showing off is rarely Vio’s style. School of Illusion is really the only one that might fit, and only because of Vio’s deceptive and manipulative nature, but again he doesn’t get to have archery and if he doesn’t get to have archery what’s the fucking point. School of Necromancy is stereotyped as the “evil” option (which personally I don’t agree with but I didn’t write the rules) or at the very least taboo magic, which I don’t see Vio being in pursuit of knowledge enough to dip into that well. Finally, School of Transmutation symbolically works for his character arc: he transforms by learning that the world isn’t quite as black and white as he thought it was, and Shadow was not as evil as he seemed; however, that’s a bit of a stretch.

3. All of this was a very long-winded way of saying that I didn’t make him a wizard even though it would be a decent fit because I’m saving wizard for a different character and thank you for reading that long ass paragraph. So why does rogue fit better? Rogues are OP as fuck, that’s why. They get access to ranged weapons, and at first level you get to choose four skills. Four whole skills out of Acrobatics, Athletics, Deception, Insight, Intimidation, Investigation, Perception, Performance, Persuasion, Sleight of Hand, and Stealth. Vio then gets to take up to a max of 4 of those skills (or any of the skills he has proficiency with) and double how good he is at those things. Vio has the most potential to be a fairly stealthy, strike from the shadows type of fighter. Or rather, according to the rules of Sneak Attack (which does 10d6, or an average of 35 extra damage on a hit), strike from within 5 feet of Blue, Green or Red who are also fighting the same enemy. Rogue Vio gets to learn secret codes and how to pick locks, he can Dodge, Dash, or Hide without taking up his attacking action. He can reduce the amount of damage he takes as a reaction, he gets proficiency in Wisdom saving throws (thank god because he actually needs it), ignore enemy advantage and turn missed attacks into hits. He’s just so tactical! So strategic! And rogue’s Blindsense also means that he has fucking echolocation up to 10 feet. So we’re really hitting all of the marks on what makes Vio a better Rogue than he is a Wizard, and we still haven’t talked about Roguish Archetypes. In Xanathar’s Guide to Everything, there is a Roguish Archetype called Mastermind. It’s description reads “A master tactician, manipulates others”. That’s Vio. He’s in the book. Admittedly, Vio isn’t just manipulative, smart, a tactician, deceptive, etc.- there are times in the manga where he’s sensitive, foolhardy, bull-headed and just not the brightest. Like saying that all Blue is is an angry hot-head, saying Vio is just a non-emotional strategist is a disservice to his character. Vio has lots of book smarts, but he is not wise. Key example of this: the entire Shadow Link and “Evil” Vio arc. We see his perspective actually get challenged by the way Shadow acts and treats him. Prior to that story line he probably saw Shadow as a one-dimensional villain, but after. . .well, he learned not to judge a book by its cover. Mastermind Rogue is actually well-suited to this lesson- it focuses on learning the secrets underneath the exterior of a person. Granted that does come back around to manipulating and strategizing again, but the point is that he would learn to be more mindful of what a person could actually be like instead of what they portray on the surface. It gives him proficiency with the disguise kit, forgery kit, and a gaming set, as well as two extra language. Further adding to my personal headcanon: Vio is talented as shit. Jack of all trades, master of none. The Help action gets added to the Dodge, Dash and Hide list as tactics he can use without having to take up his attacking action, and the range of that Help action extends up to 30 feet. Insightful Manipulation grants him the ability to learn the INT, WIS, and CHA stats of a target that he interacts with or observes for a set amount of time, and as a reaction he can have an attack target someone else instead of him. At the highest level of Mastermind, his mind can literally not be read by telepathy or any other means, and in a Zone of Truth area of effect he can lie his ass off even if he failed the saving throw and no matter what he says he’s telling the truth according to the spell. He can bullshit a lie detector test and get away with it. Mastermind Rogue Vio. He’s like that one vine that goes “you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out-”. 

[ba-mi-soro-orisha]

Tomi Adeyemi wants to wrap her readers in a “dangerous but warm” blanket. Her young adult novels—the hit epic Children of Blood and Bone and its highly anticipated new sequel, Children of Virtue and Vengeance—combine escapist fantasy with clear-eyed confrontations of race and power. “I was thinking: you’re creating a Snuggie,” the Nigerian-American author tells TIME. “It’s a violent Snuggie, but create the Snuggie.”

Adeyemi’s first book, which came out in 2018 and has spent 90 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, transports readers to the kingdom of Orïsha, where teenager Zélie Adebola is determined to bring magic back to her oppressed people. In the novel inspired by West Africa, Adeyemi’s protagonist teams up with a rogue princess to help fight the monarchy, which mercilessly wiped out magic years before in order to gain more power. In the sequel, Zélie discovers that the progress that she made in the first book has complicated ramifications, leading the kingdom toward a brutal civil war. Both novels are bruising accounts of unthinkable violence and persecution, evocative of bigger, real-world conversations about suffering and survival.

Children of Virtue and Vengeance is the second book in Adeyemi’s fantasy trilogy, which was part of a reported seven-figure deal that the Harvard graduate signed in 2017. The film rights for Children of Blood and Bone were acquired by Fox 2000 before the book’s release and over the summer This is Us writer Kay Oyegun signed on to write the script. Adeyemi spoke to TIME about how the past three years have changed her life, her dream cast for the movie and what she hopes her young readers come to understand about the world through her books.

TIME: In your author’s note at the end of Children of Blood and Bone, you explicitly explain how the plot connects to police brutality in America. What do you hope your readers learn about racism and power from your writing?

The whole thing started out as me wanting to explore the emotional PTSD of feeling like maybe I’m not Trayvon Martin, maybe I’m not Sandra Bland, but there’s nothing that separates me from being Sandra Bland. I felt like that wasn’t being talked about, even within black communities. So, I had to write about it as self-therapy. Because I was having anxiety attacks every time I was getting into my car and that’s every day. It was sort of making people realize that this stuff—constantly being exposed to people like me being shot, being assaulted, being harassed, being put at gunpoint—is trauma.

So, that’s book one. I wanted people to empathize. Many of these issues come from dehumanization and a lot of dehumanization is a direct result of no-to-poor representation. If your only exposure to a person of color is as the villain in this or that, then psychologically that is activated when you are doing something with a person of color. I had a friend say, “What if Harry Potter had been black?” If the Boy Who Lived was black, then does Trayvon Martin get shot? Because that’s someone you empathize with. Fought for. Cried for. Someone you feel like you’ve gone into battle with. And that extends to the person you see and say, “Oh, that guy looks like Harry.” Humans are that simple.

For book two, I created my dominoes and I’ve just got to throw them and see where they land. It was more organic to the story, but what I was exploring, again, are things that real people have gone through—that they are going through today, that they will go through all the time. My books are about pain, but hopefully foster empathy.

Children of Virtue and Vengeance begins with an unexpected twist. Though Zélie has restored magic to the oppressed people of Orïsha, the monarchy and military now have magical powers, too. Why was it important to you to show people who abuse their power gaining even more?

It’s in two parts: one is a life lesson and one is a lesson about society. The life lesson is we always have goals—which are important because they add a purpose to our lives—but when you achieve a goal, it’s never quite what you expect. It’s also a commentary on the nature of power in general. The older I get, the more I learn about the world and its institutions. There are entire systems built on oppression and class. There are things you will probably never get enough wealth and power to topple. But what I believe you can do is move the needle. If you look in the book, you can get magic back—but the problem wasn’t really magic. It was the institution. Because even when you had magic, you were oppressed. Now, you have magic again and guess what? You’re still oppressed. It’s about learning that these are institutions that are very hard to completely overthrow—but that doesn’t mean you can’t make great change.

How do you find that fantasy and magic can help us understand our reality?

I wrote stories without magic as a kid, and then I read my first Harry Potter book and I never went back. If you could do anything in a book—and this is not a knock on contemporary writers, it’s just for me, personally—I don’t want to write about that awkward first kiss. Let’s go! Am I shooting lightning out of my forehead when I blink? You can do anything. I just always loved magic, fantasy and adventure. Growing up, I appreciated the psychological power of fantasy, but I didn’t go into it as this powerful tool to effect change and make people think. I’m like, “I like big lions!” Sometimes, it’s deep. Sometimes, it’s “lions are cool.”

Why do you write for young people?

I don’t change my writing style or plot. The only part of my work that I change because I am labeled as a young adult author is making sure that everything in my book is a clear example of something good or something bad. Let me eliminate the gray area. Writing for younger audiences doesn’t mean it has to be all good or all clean. It does a huge disservice to pretend that childhood means that you get a pass on trauma. A lot of trauma, I think, happens in childhood and then gets carried into adulthood. Then, that trauma creates trauma. So, you’ve got to both address it and heal it—early.

But I have to be really clear about what’s good and what’s bad. For a scene where things get romantic, I take alcohol out of the equation because I’m not trying to give an example of a gray zone of consent. This is supposed to be a positive example of two consenting people making a choice. Those are the kinds of decisions that I’ll change because it’s YA, but my readers are 8 to 80. So much YA crosses over; they are really exciting stories on the surface, and then underneath the best ones have such incredible things to say about the world. YA readers are also the most passionate readers. Look, I’ve talked about Harry Potter 18 times today. If you love something when you are young, that’s a part of you forever. Those stories are always in that warm, fuzzy part of your heart that the world tries to freeze over. To get to be that for so many young readers, to get to see their passion and enthusiasm and creativity, it’s the best.

Do you know how the trilogy will end?

I knew the ending before I even hit book one. I’ve been excited to write book three.

Are you in the process of writing it?

Hell no. It’s been three years, back to back. Even before I got my book deal, I wrote the first draft of Children of Blood and Bone in a month, then I wrote the second draft in a month and I did it that fast because I wanted to get into a writing competition. I kept thinking there was going to be a break in the process, but it only accelerated from that impossible speed to publication and book two went even further. So, I’m healing right now. I’m learning to sleep. I’m learning to wake up.

How have the last three years changed you?

I was a baby adult when I got into this. Now, I feel like a 60-year-old woman. I’m less self-conscious. I’m like, this what I need and I’m not asking your permission, I’m just letting you know. It’s a different energy. It’s a different swagger. But I like this version of myself. She wasn’t always there—she was forged through incredible pain and suffering, but she’s here. And she’s ready to go.

In 2017, it was announced that Children of Blood and Bone will be adapted for film. What has that process been like for you?

It’s been really cool because it’s with Disney/Fox and Lucas Films. It’s been three years and even though the team has shifted and grown, just to have so many people at the top of their game so passionate and excited and enthusiastic about bringing my world [to the screen], it’s ridiculous. I made that world up in my head, in my room, super sweaty, my hair looked like crazy, I was in my pajamas. I’m like, this is going to be that? It’s really wild.

Do you have a dream cast in mind?

I used to have a dream cast and then Black Panther came out. I was so in love with Letitia Wright and Winston Duke. How cool is it going to be to put more incredible black actors and actresses on the scene? To make roles this epic, this powerful—like Jennifer Lawrence, obviously she had Winter’s Bone, but we got her from The Hunger Games. It’s very cool that I mic-dropped this as my calling card and now this is going to be so many other people’s calling cards. The only person—and I’m comfortable doing this because he was on my Pinterest Board from the jump and I’ve mentioned this enough that at this point if it doesn’t happen, you do what you can—for King Saran in Book One, I had pictures of Idris Elba. And every time I was writing a scene with him, I pictured Idris Elba to really get my head into how scary it was to be near him.

[moonlit-nest]

I got our Wizard a gift

   So I play 5E with all of my school friends, right? Quick background of our party makeup: Our DM, of course, and then me, a Paladin (don’t worry, I’m not the “Lawful Stupid” Variety) Sorcerer multiclass named Sunn. Additionally, you’ve got Fib the Rogue, Kepesk the Bloodhunter, Lotë the Druid, Edgar the Fighter and Minthe the Wizard. 

    So, my character, Sunn, is a pretty nice guy. At least, he tries to be. He thinks about others and likes to handle party talking and social skills, due to Charisma being his primary stat. Not always, but usually. He’s kindhearted, charming, and passionate about the people he cares for.         Then you’ve got our Wizard, Minthe... complete 180. A Necromancer who tends to front a cold shoulder, and doesn’t seem to really care about other people. At least, not at first (there were backstory reasons as to why she acted the way she did at times, though that’s for another tale). She raises the dead despite the social stigma behind her specialized magic, and tends to take a no shit attitude, and an all or nothing approach. I guess in a way you could say she and Sunn both took the role of joint “Speakers” for the group, since Sunn was the lighthearted “let’s go, team!” Type of guy who rallies his comrades, and Minthe opposed this by keeping the group on track and focused, and was surprisingly level headed, even during times of crisis. You’d think they wouldn’t really get along, right?

   Well, as it turns out, they actually clicked, and surprisingly well! Maybe it was that they were both dedicated and experienced casters, maybe it was that Minthe found my strange character interesting (he’s a Furry, which is almost basically unheard of in our setting by the DM, unless you count established races like Lizardfolk or Arakockra under the furry umbrella term. Buy and large though, Sunn was pretty unique), but they grew to have a slightly antagonistic but genuine friendship the first chance our group got to chill and roleplay in an inn. To get an idea of what their relationship looks like overall, Minthe’s player and I often joke about situations the two could find themselves in, and how, generally speaking, Minthe and Sunn make jabs at the others expense frequently, but always in good fun, as they know each other well enough to not take it so far as to hurt one another’s feelings. In fact, when things get serious, they work surprisingly well together! Admittedly, that may be in part due to the fact that Minthe’s player and I (we’ll call her... Sam, for the sake of privacy 💛) have a pretty good relationship outside of D&D, and we both are very experienced D&D and role players, so we just mesh easily.    So, with that context in mind, we come to the story part. Our party had recently traveled underground (long story short, it was a more secret route into the castle of the city we were under, we were rescuing an innocent woman from execution). There was a puzzle we had to get past involving the guard of said underground path (Sam did a great job here, as she had to tell the guard a story that would entertain him in order to pass, and she rolled very high along with her very good roleplaying, which was more than enough to let us pass), and then we were in the stretch towards the underground criminal base that would allow us passage to the castle from the inside. As we make our way through the narrow cavern, which slowly filled with water, insuring we didn’t lag behind too much, we made our way to a... very... peculiar area.      The walls seemed to end, and all around us looked like a night sky, even below the semi-opaque stairway that seemed to slowly crawl downwards. We had outpaced the water in this point, so we were free to carefully observe our surroundings in this otherworldly zone... I’m not exactly sure what this was to be honest, but my current theory was, at some point, we failed to perceive a portal of some kind that connected us to this magical hallway, a limbo between the cavern to wherever the underground criminal zone was. Anyway, no point in delaying, we begin proceeding downwards into the abyss, dimly (and I do mean  dimly) lit by artificial star lights.   

   I should mention that, at this point, we concluded this session. A week passed us by, and we were hyped! Unfortunately, Sam was unable to proceed with this week’s session due to family business I believe, so we agreed to proceed with the session and edify her on the events immediately once the session concluded. As for Minthe, we felt it would be wrong to do her the disservice of just pretending she was there but not letting her do anything, so, despite our lack of a character sheet, we agreed to let someone use her character. I took that role, since I had the relative most experience with both 5E and Spellcasting out of the rest of the players at the time. 

   Now, resuming the in game events, we’re traveling through this odd realm of darkness, faint light, and downward stairs. Eventually, we begin to worry a little, so we all decide we’ll be making perception rolls to keep cautious. The dice were rolled, and every single one of our characters heard a strange series of noises as we listened... it sounded like... chittering...   

   Naturally, we’re unnerved. This was the first thing we had in this campaign that even felt reminiscent of horror themed, so we weren’t sure what the DM had planned... we get our vigil, and remained stalwart, proceeding further below. Eventually, we see the outline of a massive set of doubled doors, complete with large handles that were probably higher up than Lotë, who I wanna say was the shortest member of the party. However, the doors aren’t all we see.       Above, we see multiple lights flicker in the darkness. One, two, four, eight, sixteen, thirty... tens... hundreds. Blinking in quick succession. They were a slightly different color than the stars surrounding us.     These, as was obvious, were no stars.        From just above the door, an incredible and mortifying sight revealed itself - a monstrous, gargantuan, opalescent Spider, the starlight now reflecting off of its revealed form, its razor sharp fangs, needle pointed legs and gemstone-fortified body sparkling in all of its death-foretelling glory. Then, as if things couldn’t be worse, the seemingly infinite eyes of above closed down towards us - hundreds of smaller twinkling spiders, raining down upon us.

   Roll Initiative.       Our Bloodhunter Kepesk went first, activating his crimson rite on his weapon and charging for the spider. Then a small group of the swarm attacked everyone in a small enough zone, dealing minimal, but still noteworthy, piercing damage. Keep in mind that the fact that this battle takes place on a stairway limits our mobility, lest we risk falling off of said stairs into who knew where...   

   The orders continue, Sunn strengthening the party with his magic, Lotë hurling spells and supporting friends when needed, wisely using fire to help ward against the webs that the many abominations sometimes used to keep us in place, Edgar bravely defending his friends with his viscous morning star, Kepesk distracting the leader of the creatures and dealing significant damage with his ice-coated scythe, Fib narrowly dodging and weaving through attacks and cleverly using the darkness to pass checks (presumably for being able to disengage and hide) before returning to the fray with impressive sneak attack damage, and Minthe channeling her most powerful spells at her disposal to decimate the army of spiders.       Now, Kepesk, he’s a... cocky son of a bitch. Well, mayhaps not cocky, but I lack a better term. He’s absolutely chaotic, as is his player, though in the best way possible. He only does nonsense when he knows it can benefit the group, or at least himself and not harm the group, and it always makes for a good laugh! This boss fight would be no different, as he evades and disengages from the giant spider, and attempts to use her own weapons against her - by charming one of the spiders. Not, you know, magically charming them or commanding them. Just... you know, trying to tame it. In the middle of the fight. While also dodging the flurry of swipes and jabs from the boss.       It may sound ridiculous, but we just thought it was as hilarious as it was badass, and we were dying of laughter, even the DM was into it (despite the fact that she later described never in a million years anticipating it, so good on her for being awesome about improvising shit). Now, he did, admittedly, have to earn it. A check to learn more about the spiders, a check to calm the spider, and then a few other things to make sure it didn’t die, fall, etc etc, since we were trying to kill as many spiders as possible, and he was sandwiched between the horde and the boss. He definitely suffered some hits and had to earn his pet gem spider, but, he did!       Now, I see this, and I’m laughing while I think of a way to help. Maybe I have a spell that can make his checks easier, or buy him some time by getting the boss spider’s attention with a Divine Smite from Sunn, as I still had one last spell slot for him. But, I realized, Sunn rolled less than adequate on his initiative, and he was out for more than a few rounds, at least six or so. Minthe, however? She was next.   

   Now, for whatever reason, my thoughts lingered on Sam. “Man”, I thought, “what would Sam think if she were in this situation with Minthe?”       Well, quickly, I had an answer. I smiled to myself, now giggling quietly.       “She’d want a pet of her own, right?” I thought to myself. I mean, I wasn’t sure if she had a familiar or not at the time, but I knew the idea was humored by Sam and our DM. Maybe, just maybe, I could actually pull it off! A check to figure out what these things are, how to tame them, just get Sunn or Edgar to protect her from some spiders and boom, should be easy, right? Yes, it was. Just... not as easy as I thought it would be.       “DM?” I ask, politely.       “Wassup?” She asks in return, awaiting my response.       “Minthe notices Kepesk not fighting with one of the spiders, and reasons that she’s away from most of the enemies... can she try to tame a spider as well?”       She thinks on it for a second, and asks me to explain my reasoning, which I do. Minthe was known for being a little strange, since she was a Necromancer and didn’t really give a damn what people thought about her, so it’s not like it was out of character. I also add that it would be a nice surprise for Sam, since she had thought about getting Minthe a familiar before, and maybe this would be a way to ease that desire until a real familiar could be obtained (she ended up getting a... raven, or maybe a crow, as her legit familiar. He’s hilarious and can communicate using telepathy, he’s surprisingly eloquent with common, if a bit snarky)! The DM rules that I can certainly try, and to roll an Arcana check to learn more about these creatures. Minthe, being a wizard, had a very high score, and I rolled decently, between 10 and 15, so I was safe, and learned all of the information Kepesk had. Then, I roll another Arcana check to try and tame it (the reason I rolled Arcana and not Animal Handling, as I recall, was that Minthe was using her knowledge and actual facts of how to tame the creatures as opposed to intuitive care for the animal). I pick up my D20, shake it with both hands, and mumble “pleeeeaaase work..” to myself. I let go, and a few clacks ring out. People were curious if I could do it.       Natural 20.       I was pumped for the rest of the night - not only was the spider okay with chilling with Minthe, it fell in love! With two new allies on our side, we defeated the rest of the pests and took down the Massive Spider herself! Victory was ours, and the session ended as we pushed open the heavy metal gates, greeted with the sight of relatively civilized society. It was full of crooks, but at least there was an inn, so we felt pretty damn good.       I eagerly texted Sam the report of the session that night once I was in my car on the way home (wasn’t driving, lol), and told her the tale of how she would have a viscous, dangerous little crystal spider to roleplay with as her character in the next session. To this day, both Minthe and Kepesk still have their spider kids and they honestly love them very, very much.       The End! 💛

[spaceorphan18]

Marvel Movie Night: X2 X-Men United

For some reason, I have the full screen version of this.  Not sure what I was thinking when I made that decision.  Anyway....  

What exactly are you a professor of?   Art

There was a time when X2 was considered the best comic book movie ever.  And judging from everything I’ve watched up to this point -- I can understand why it got the reputation.  The film is much more philosophical, the story more intellectually stimulating than a bunch of good guys beat up a bunch of bad guys.  There’s humor to it, and good action, and it makes for a (mostly) good popcorn flick.  But a lot like the first film, it doesn’t hold up nearly twenty years later.  

The story mixes the famous X-Men graphic novel God Love, Man Kills with Wolverine’s backstory.  And while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, the X-Men’s subtext has always been about the ostracization, fear, and discrimination of minorities, a more intimate and philosophical story may not balance well in an action film filled with characters who mostly don’t get to do things until their one or two scenes happen.  

Watching it over again, I still think it works overall.  The story is relatively tight, weaving the two stories together pretty well -- and Wolverine continues to be the main protagonist.  I think it does a decent job telling the story it’s interested in telling.  But this is where I lament that X-Men isn’t a TV series.  Each of these characters (besides Wolverine) deserve their own stories to be told -- and a two hour film is very limiting when it comes to the character’s own arcs.  X2 is wise not to go crazy chasing every tangent, and stick close to the story, but at the same time, the potential of all these characters often seems wasted.  

The special effects are much better in this film, and the film does take the time to showcase everyone’s powers.  My one big issue with the action, however, is that it’s limited to one person at a time.  What makes X-Men so special is that they’re a team -- and we don’t get to see team dynamics at all in the film, which is a shame, since there are so many good players on the board.  On top of that -- this kind of turn based action kind of makes the film feel sluggish in parts.  (Though - I’m sure it’s just me being a modern action film watcher watching something of a different time.) 

So, let’s talk about the characters, shall we? 

Wolverine - Of course, since Wolverine is the most popular X-Men is going to be focused on.  We get development of his backstory, and I think the bits and pieces we’re given work well.  If you know his backstory, it’s a fun little tease, if you don’t, I’m sure they give enough to piece it together.  The unfortunate thing, however, is that this film is so plot driven, the only character development stuff (besides his backstory) ends up being with Jean and.... ug, I hate this love triangle stuff (but I’ll whine about this later).  

That said - I think my favorite aspect of Wolverine’s story in this film is when he gets to play babysitter.  His actions with the kids make an interesting dynamic, and I could just watch a whole move with Wolverine trying to run a school.  

Professor X and Magneto - Of course, the heart of the philosophical story comes here again, much like it will in every X-Men film.  I very much enjoy any time Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen get to be together on screen.  The unfortunate thing is that there’s so much plot to cover, and so many characters to service, they don’t get a whole lot to do in the film.  But what we do is a delight. 

Jean Grey and Cyclops - I keep laughing every time they say Dr. Grey.  What??  

Anyway, Famke Jansson continues to be a delight as Jean.  Other than Xavier and Magneto, she seems to be the closest to her comic counter part (mostly).  And she does really well with all the hints they lay about the Phoenix force.  It’s a shame the third film is going to truly do a great story a disservice.  

Meanwhile, though, we have Cyclops.  And, geez, I just feel so bad for James Marsden, because he gets such an iconic character to play, and literally has nothing to do with him.  He even overacts in his emotional scenes with Jean, and it’s almost as if he’s like he’s trying make up for not having anything to do.  It’s a real shame because Cyclops, believe it or not, is a fascinating and complex character, who really deserves so much more than the one-note character this trilogy portrays him as.  

As for the love triangle... I hate love triangles in general, but this one is just even worse than usual.  It’s barely a triangle, because the film doesn’t even bother with one third of it.  I could go on a whole diatribe, but I’ll spare you.  If you’d really like to know - send me a message! Otherwise, I’ll leave it at - I hate love triangles. 

Storm - You can tell Halle Berry asked for more to do.  And, like, most of the rest of the characters, she gets more lines, but not much more character development.  I still feel she’s incredibly miscast here.  Where’s the woman who did her voice for the cartoon? That was a Storm. But, Berry’s acting aside, Storm is another character who is complex and varied, and it’s a shame so little of her comes through in these films. 

Nightcrawler -- We get a new character! It’s kinda weird that they steal some of the unpopular traits he has in the comics (the religious leanings) and tone down some of his more notable characteristics -- like his goofing around and swordplay.  I get why they did this, somewhat for plot, somewhat to make philosophical points.  But I do miss the charming, Errol Flynn wanna be of the comics.  That said -- I think Alan Cummings did a great job with his role, and the action sequences with NIghtcrawler look great! 

Rogue and Bobby -- **sigh** I won’t bore you too long with my feelings about Rogue.  Anna Paquin is fine.  The character makes sense for what this universe has made her out to be.  I just... I miss my girl from the comics.  I hope some day we do get to see a closer to comics version of her -- sassy, brassy, and yet very vulnerable.  But -- since the plot doesn’t need her (or her powers) she’s relegated to second string.  

Bobby gets more to do, and having read a ton of comics since this first came out, I have a much bigger appreciation for Iceman.  I love the actor who plays him here - he’s great! I do enjoy the little bit that he gets to do.  And the scene where he ‘comes out’ to his parents is perfect on a lot of levels.  (Even funnier, now that comic book Iceman is gay.)  

I still don’t think, overall, Rogue and Bobby make much sense as a couple, but for the purposes of this universe, it works fine enough. 

The Brotherhood -- Okay, so this is primarily this is Mystique and Pyro.  Where are the others? Well, this film is a little stuffed already.  Mystique is fine - this film has no interest going into her psyche, and while she is a character who deserves development, the next trilogy is going to kill any interest in a film version, so I’m fine here.  I’m still confused as to why she’s naked, though.  I miss her white, flowy dress of the comics.  

Meanwhile, in the comics, Pyro is a third rate villain.  They bring him in here to offset Iceman.  I get it. He’s fine.  Whatever. 

I get why they bring the villains over to side with the X-Men, but not going to lie when they’re not fighting each other, and just humans, I don’t think it’s as exciting, but that’s just me.  

Oh, and before someone gets upset that I don’t mention her -- Lady Deathstrike.  Is in the film.  It’s an extended cameo.  It’s fine, I don’t really care all that much about Lady Deathstrike, so I’m fine with it. 

William Stryker - The main villain of the whole thing.  I think he works on paper, and he’s fine.  I’m not going to lie - I find scenes with him pretty boring, but plot revolves around him, and that’s fine.  Interestingly, I think his son, Jason, was a nod to Jason Wyngarde - Mastermind, who can project different realities around you.  I feel like that’s a nice little nugget there.  But other than that, I don’t have a whole lot to say about the main villain of the film.

Cameos and Easter Eggs -- there are a lot of little nuggets in here, and I’m not going to go through them all, but it’s nice to see a lot of other mutants scattered around, as well as nods to the comics.  It does add a fun layer onto the film.  

Final Thoughts:  I think the ending sequence works to great effect - but I still say this film’s thinner, and more philosophical plot leaves most of the characters by the wayside.  It was a great step forward for comic book films, it was lighter than the first one, had more humor, had some great talking points, and some good action sequences.  It’s still, unfortunately, wastes the potential of nearly all of its characters.  

Next Up: Oh, god, there’s a Hulk movie worse than Incredibly Hulk.... 

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Life Story #4 Thoughts Part 1: Doc Ock Disservice

In retrospect issue #1 of this series was a mixed bag, issue #2 was bad, issue #3 was hot trash and now issue #4 is...

 Well...it depends.

See I usually try my best to write these basically as soon as I’ve read an issue. However a trip to my LCS and back is at least a 2 hour round trip and I had to head into work practically immediately after getting back. Consequently I’m writing this several hours later than I would have liked.

My initial gut feeling during and immediately after reading the issue was that this was a mixed bag. But ruminating on it more it’s gone down yet further in my eyes.

Maybe I’m not diving deep enough into it but my gut feelings on this (which is what these posts are, they’re not reviews where I try to be more actively analytical rather than ‘free style’ it) it’s...not AS bad as prior issues; issue #3 being the absolute nadir thus far.

Perhaps that is due to now knowing how messed up this series is I knew what I was getting into and what to expect thus I was less aghast by what I saw. Perhaps it was the fact that this issue, unlike issue #3, didn’t slap my intelligence in the face with asinine historical politics and the most aggressively stupid attempt to homage my fav Spidey tale, KLH.

However some of my...I don’t know the right term...my feeling less disdainfulness, towards this issue might stem from Peter’s age.

See when you do the math canon Peter Parker’s lifespan can be viewed as encompassing the amount of time covered in issues #1-3, that is to say ages 15-mid 30s. Thus there was a certain degree of precedence involved, a certain roadmap for us to compare LF Peter to.

But in this issue Peter is around 48 years old. This is well beyond the age of canon Peter Parker and only AU versions of the character have ever approached that age and being AUs they aren’t great sources for comparison. The closest thing we have is MC2 Peter Parker who was in his early 40s and different in his attitude and outlook to LF Peter. However that could be due to being younger, having his family and being retired for 10+ years thus making him more positive towards the prospect of being Spider-Man.

LF Peter is fed up, tired and wants to stop being Spider-Man. Any of the old enjoyment he ever derived from it is long gone. As is apparently his desire to remain ‘relevent’. Guess he got over that early mid-life crisis he went through in issue #3. You know that mid-life crisis that led to him using an alien performance enhancer that was allegedly addictive.

Actually more than a few of this issue’s problems can be owed to older issues, and specifically issue #3.

First of all...so America is still around. Um...yeah wasn’t there a war with Russia happening last issue? Wasn’t there a nuclear arms race that was hotter than the Cold War ever was in real life?

I suppose given how utterly unrealistic it was that Russia nuked an American town and then nuclear Armageddon didn’t ensue in issue #3, this issue is consistent in it’s boneheaded lack of realism.

And it does offer an explanation. Tony Stark’s weapons ended the war.

...Okay...we need to talk about this again and this time I’m going to spell it out.

So there has been no end of speculative fiction presenting stories revolving around a world where historical events happened differently.

A common example, embodied by the acclaimed show Man in the High Castle, is ‘What if the Axis powers won WWII’.

Life Story has at various turns presented real life historical events but injected superheroes in them whilst also showing them playing out differently.

Iron Man, Giant Man and Captain America went to Vietnam.

Captain America went rogue in Vietnam.

The Vietnam War lasted longer than in real life history.

Russia launched nukes at the USA and destroyed a town resulting in a super hero invasion on Russia and open warfare.

Said war was won by America apparently thanks to Tony Stark’s weapons.

Do you know the difference between Life Story and Man in the High Castle, or indeed most speculative fiction?

It actually explains what happened!

In Man in the High Castle we learn various pieces of the alternate history, among them being that the Axis powers developed atomic weapons before the Allies and nuked Washington DC, eventually winning the war and dividing America between the Third Riech and the Empire of Japan.

In Life Story we find out the Vietnam War lasted longer. Somehow.

In Life Story we find out Tony Stark’s weapons won the war with Russia. Somehow.

WHAT HAPPENED!

At best this is a pointless tease, it’s like sidestory world building. What’s the point of bringing the fact that this world’s history is drastically different but not bothering to elaborate on it at all.

Tony’s weapons won the war. What weapons? How did they win? Give us some details for God’s sake.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the story isn’t about the Russian war or the alternate international politics, it’s about Spider-Man. But then...why the fuck is it in the story?

Shit dude, redraft Life Story a little bit and you could more or less exorcise ALL the stuff about international political conflicts and lose nothing. In the case of Kraven’s motivations last issue it’d be an improvement!

Look maybe I’ve got a bug up my butt about this more than most people because I studied history at university, but even putting that aside...it just feels superfluous to this story.

What gets me is that it’s veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery good money the only reason this shit is in the story is to evoke Watchmen (which ‘coincidenally’ is being revisted in Doomsday Clock by DC right now) which was also an example of speculative historical fiction involving superheroes. Which also explained what happened!

Superheroes existed. So they intervened in Vietnam. And they won because of their overwhelming power.

In Life Story we don’t even know who won the Vietnam War or even if it’s over yet!

Moving on a little, so Tony Stark and Peter are at logger heads. Now I dislike Spider-Man’s involvement with Iron Man in recent years but I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand seeing Iron Man not be Peter’s mentor is lovely, but I wonder if Zdarsky was banking on audience familiarity with that dynamic from the films to create a shock moment by portraying a relationship between both men so at odds with what you see in Homecoming.

That wasn’t my first thought though. My first thought was Zdarsky is trading off of the Peter/Tony relationship from JMS’ run...which had nothing to do with the 1990s at all; we’ll talk more about that in a minute.

Finally, not content to write Peter out of character, Zdarsky apparently wanted to write Tony out of character too.

I am no Iron Man expert but by the 1990s...hadn’t he kinda sorta stopped making weapons!

I could forgive it in the older issues because Tony apparently didn’t get out of the arms business in the comics immediately like in the films, so it wasn’t inaccurate to the time periods. But I’m 90% sure he had stopped making weapons by the 1990s. Tell me if I’m wrong please, but if I am not....holy shit what is Zdarsky doing? How does aging in real time = Iron Man would still be a war profiteer?

Let’s leave Stark and the real life history alone and get into the real meat of this story.

Okay so we have Ben Reil-

Wait what?

*re-reads Life Story #4*

...there is something off with this...

*checks Life Story #2*

...um...Life Story #2 clearly states that Peter and Gwen’s clones took on the names Helen and Ben PARKER not REILLY!

Now Reilly makes a lot more sense from both a practical point of view (a guy who looks like Peter Parker with his last name raises questions) and from a referencing canon POV.

But what the fuck is up with the inconsistency?

Who was asleep at the wheel for that one! Oh...but it won’t be the only inconsistency by the way.

So Ben Reilly (who looks more like Ben Urich) is a photogra-

Wait, wait, wait. What again?

Ben Reilly is a...photographer?

...WHY??????????????????????

Look...Peter does have a certain passion for photojournalism, but he prefers science.

Ben Reilly in canon never even considered photography as a job to my recollection. He worked as a lab assistant, a barrista, a bouncer/body guard, a teacher but never a photographer even though that would’ve been an obvious profession to consider.

When Peter began working that job it was a way for him to earn the money he desperately needed to provide for himself and Aunt May whilst also not having his time eaten up with a 9-5.

Sure Ben is also a superhero (the Red Mask...I hope he didn’t dream that up himself...in the middle of a Cold War...) in this universe, but what is motivating him to do that? He’s got science smarts, he has legal documentation from issue #2 allowing him to hold jobs. Why would he not go into a field he both prefers and one that you’d think in a world where there was a war raging with intangible nukes would be of greater use?

I can think of some No. Prize explanations...but that’s the problem.

I  have to think of those explanations. The story, like so much else in this shitty series, doesn’t elaborate.

This goes beyond the characters being different for the sake of being different from canon.

Ben Reilly is doing something that demands an explanation within the context of this series’ unique continuity as established. It’s not even a matter of established characterization based on canon, it’s a matter of established characterization based upon the last 3 goddam issues.

This lack of thought equally applies to our main villain of the issue, Doctor Octopus.

So in issue #2/1977 Doc Ock had reformed because of a heart attack and all that good tender luvin care he got from a woman at least 20 years his senior; Zdarsky does know most people enjoy the May/Otto relationship ironically right, nobody actually thinks it makes sense or was a good idea, but no here it’s the crux of his whole character.

In issue #3/1984 he was...clearly a villain again because he’s obviously attacking Spider-Man in the double page spread depicting Secret Wars.

In issue #4/1995 we learn that Otto was at May’s funeral and this was the last time Peter saw him. Also according to Peter May left Otto long before she died and that was when he just disappeared, Peter presuming he retired in Florida.

So going by issue #4 alone we have something of a contradiction. If Otto disappeared long before May’s death...how could the last time Peter have seen him been at her funeral.

Maybe that’s just phrased a little badly and I’m nitpicking. Fair enough.

What isn’t fair enough though is either Zdarsky isn’t paying attention to his own writing, Bagley and he are not communicating properly or the editor is severely dropping the ball.

May and Otto were clearly NOT together in issue #3 when Otto was also clearly a villain and Peter clearly was aware of this because Otto was attacking him.

Which means Otto must’ve disappeared before then which means Peter would’ve known he hadn’t retired, he’d returned to villainy.

Now a point of praise, Otto blaming Peter for May leaving him, I think that rings true to Otto’s character, let alone an old aging Otto. This is the guy who often saw what he wanted to see, who infamously once wanted to nuke NYC to prove how he wasn’t to be taken lightly even though it’d also kill him too.

Too bad that point of praise is drowned out by his plan in this story which is all wrapped up in the clones.

Okay, okay, Doc Ock had a important role to play in the 1990s Clone Saga so what’s the problem?

The problem is that...I heavily suspect this isn’t riffing on the 1990s Clone Saga.

I think it’s much more likely that it’s riffing on the Ultimate Clone Saga in which Doc Ock was the mastermind behind the clones; coincidentally Bagley drew all three of the Ock Clone Saga tales which is a nice piece of historical symmetry.

Why...is....Zdarsky....riffing....on....a...Ultimate....Universe....story....?????????????????...from the 2000s!!!!!!!!

And in case the jury doesn’t accept that criticism here is another one. Otto feels he’s dying without accomplishing anything.

Um...wasn’t he working with Reed Richards in issue #2?

Otto working legitimately with a big brain like Reed surely would’ve in like 10 years accomplished SOMETHING! He invented so much crazy tech he really didn’t patent any of it, release it to the public?

Couldn’t his arms alone do wonders for disabled people?

I know this is comics so you should suspend disbelief because if you don’t you have to ask why fossil fuels even still exist.

But that’s the problem with this series.

It wants to have it’s cake and eat it.

It wants to show superheroes having a world changing impact on the world as they realistically would...but not go all the way with it.

It wants to have superheroes go to Vietnam and Russia have and use super powered people and intangible nukes but it also wants to ignore the obvious ramifications when it’s inconvenient.

This gets even stupider when you contextualize it within wider Spider-Man media. In the recent, heavily publicized Spidey PS4 video game (that Marvel is adapting as a comic book right now) Doc Ock creates his arms specifically to help disabled people and uses them because he himself is losing control of his motor functions. And in Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon (for 5 year olds) Doc Ock is disabled from the outset and entirely relies on his arms to move around.

So why the fuck did Otto at no point consider using that tech to help the disabled and thereby accomplish something in his life. It’s an obvious idea Reed, Peter or even May must’ve suggested. It probably could’ve helped someone as frail and infirm as May specifically.

We’re also told May left Otto due to his anger. Great use of telling not showing there Zdarsky. Remember how angry Otto seemed in his one other speaking appearance before now?

[dylanobrienisbatman]

I think a thing thats really ignored in the canon of Harry Potter is the potential to have truly vile evil characters from each house, for different reasons. We saw a lot of ‘evil’ Slytherins, and theres the line that was basically like “anyone truly bad came from Slytherin”, but I think this sort of really stringent way of breaking up the Houses limited the interpretation of each house and what it really meant to be in those houses. 

I think it’s impossible to see the traits given to each of the other three houses and NOT see the potential for evil there. I think it’s almost inherent to the nature of the traits chosen that they are traits that don’t have any ‘morality’ attached to them. It felt deliberate, not to choose any traits that are inherently good or bad in anyway, because it left open the possibility for anyone from any house to be a great hero, or a terrible villain. No house has ‘prejudiced’ or ‘pious’ or other such morally black and white traits used to describe them. They are described in ways that leave it open to interpretation on how those traits manifest in each person. 

Ravenclaw (my house, the best house) is the one that really sticks out to me in that regard. Ignoring the fact that we only had three characters in canon that we got to know that were from Ravenclaw, Cho Chang, Luna Lovegood, and Padme Patil (don’t even get me started on how they made Padme a Gryffindor in the movies), the traits of Ravenclaw really allow for the exercise of those traits for good or evil in ways that I think were really missed in the writing. I think the biggest thing about Ravenclaws that lead me to this conclusion is that Ravenclaws prime directive (if you will) is just a thirst for knowledge. Like that opens up so many doors. Imagine a doctor who experiments on people, or monkeys, or some other very sentient creature, without concern for morality, without concern for the harm they are doing, because they just want to LEARN. Imagine a scientist who doesn’t care where they get their funding to keep building and creating whatever technology or scientific advancement they are working on, to the point where it doesn’t even matter to them who might get their hands on whatever they are creating. A rogue magician who can’t get into a magic school, so instead she joins little witchy cults and does morally questionable shit because she needs to learn it, has to know. Like its not difficult to imagine a person who’s only drive is learning, who doesn’t give a damn about the means they take to get to a place where they can learn, so long as they do it. Villains like that EXIST, and are so interesting, but Harry Potter never explored that potential.

Gryffindors also gives us really interesting traits that kind of open up a villain opportunity that was underused. Gryffindors are brash, bold, daring, and seek power and praise and like... ‘fame and fortune’ type stuff more than any other house. They care about being the sort of ‘hero’ esc character, but not necessarily in the Hero™ way we think of it, more in the like, ‘everyone knows my name because of these incredibly brave and insane things I did that got me the results you see now’ kind of way. I think that really feels true to a lot of the villains we see. Like, the villain characters who’s ONLY intention is to be in charge. they want power, and lots of it, so they kind of do the insane, rash thing to get there, but once they’re in it, they have no real plan on how to keep it going, so they need someone to help them stay on track. It’s a very Gryffindor thing to rush headfirst into a plan without really considering all of the nuances of what it will eventually require to finish it off, and that is not just a ‘ good guy’ trait. Being brave isn’t just a hero thing. The villain who runs headfirst into battle against the hero is also brave, we just tend not to think of it that way. Bravery is not in and of itself moral, bravery is just bravery, and villainy can at times consist of great acts of bravery. 

Hufflepuffs are somehow both the most difficult to see as villainous, and also the easiest. I think its hard to visualise a Hufflepuff Villain™ because we have sort of been told to see Hufflepuffs as like, hardworking sweet kids who live by the kitchen and wear big yellow scarves and are nice to their friends, but their most defining trait is loyalty, and that also has no morality to it at all. If you think about it, a good number of Death Eaters could have easily been Hufflepuffs, because one of the things Voldemort demanded form his followers was undying loyalty. Hufflepuff loyalty is never stated to be directed at a person or thing, its just ‘loyalty’ in the most general definition of the word, so its hard not to see a Hufflepuff who is loyal, undyingly loyal, to an evil queen, because that is who they chose. It’s hard to ignore the idea that a Hufflepuff might align themselves with a terribly evil cause, because thats what they believed in, and be the most loyal follower that cause has ever had. Hufflepuffs are hardworking, tireless folk, with deep rooted patience and undying loyalty. A good and loyal servant to a terrible villain or horrific cause would fit easily into all of those descriptions. 

I think Slytherin is sort of the easy target for ‘evil’ labelling, because cunning, trickery, and things like that all sort of fall into our natural understanding of someone who is.... less than Good™, but I think it sort of led the stories to a places that was pretty ridiculous in my opinion. The idea that not a single Slytherin kid would stay behind to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts was mind boggling to me. You mean not a single one of those kids had friends in other houses? You mean to tell me that every single one of those CHILDREN (ages 11-17) so truly and firmly believed in this neo-nazi esc regime that Voldemort was plotting that they ALL sided with him, full stop? It’s ridiculous!! The fact that Slytherin became the “evil house” without any real consideration in the canon for the nuances of humanity, really bothers me, and I think Slytherin as a house was done an exceptional disservice by the canon story, but thats another post/rant entirely. 

In short, I think that JK Rowling’s choice to relegate Slytherins into The Evil House™, and failure to take the defining characteristics of the houses that she created and evolve them into a more nuanced understanding of what those traits actually mean, rather than just saying “brave kids good. smart kids good. loyal kids good. tricky kids bad.” was a pretty huge misstep in terms of the breadth of what her work and her imagination could have created. 

[saltyfilmmajor]

A POINT BY POINT EVISCERATION OF KYLE SMITH’S REVIEW OF MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: ROGUE NATION

A critical analytical response by salty film major™ SuperGeekyToon 

Inspired by the discussion the Benthan Discord had in how people fundamentally misunderstand Tom Cruise. @ineverhadadoubt @olympain @lady-johnlocked-moriarity  @mesutglozil @katharoaimos

So How do I unpack this man’s fundamental misunderstanding of Rogue Nation? By doing a critical analysis of his interpretation of course. Like any good College student I will be citing the article I am responding to:

https://nypost.com/2015/07/29/boring-new-mission-impossible-coasts-on-cruise-control/

Now firstly, just because a person doesn’t like the film you like or give it as high a score does not mean they are a bad reviewer. 

Reviews are a fundamentally subjective analysis influenced by personal taste, mental state, and viewing experience. Critics make their living in opinionated analysis and to not acknowledge that would incredibly reckless of me. However, this review goes beyond mere negative opinion. It reveals a dangerous ideology that has influenced this man’s fundamental understanding of Rogue Nation.

He begins his critique as follows:

“Neither bad enough to be a complete waste of time nor good enough to remember past next Tuesday, the film co-written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie staples together one routine action piece after another with cutesy dialogue and lots of merciless pounding away at iPad screens.”

Ok, so I’m not sure what he means here by ‘cutesy dialogue’. Does he mean banter? Because this film isn’t a ‘day at the beach movie rom-com’, It’s an action motivated spy film commenting on the relationship between “the tool and the government”   (Cinemawins Rogue Nation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOA1Til3D68&t=493s). 

The dialogue in this film is snappy and well arranged, there’s not really a moment that could be considered cutesy. It’s not a routine action piece either, the film does very well to set up the stunts in the narrative so that they don’t feel forced. All the stunt work, including the cold open, is done by Tom Cruise himself. So, he is in real danger there, the audience doesn’t feel the same disconnect when there are CGI and stunt doubles doing stunt work. 

Also, they don’t actually use iPad’s, they use Microsoft Surfaces you uncultured swine.

He continues:

“Especially if we know that Ethan will have to hold his breath under the wet stuff for three solid minutes, if all goes perfectly, which, of course, it will not. Is there a super-spy trick to this? No, McQuarrie simply has Ethan be superhuman. Holding onto a flying jet with his fingertips at hundreds of miles an hour? No problem. Walking away from a 100-mph motorcycle wipeout? Yawn. Ethan even suffers brain damage at one point, then shakes it off like it’s a gin and tonic. Superman thinks this guy is boringly infallible.”

There is a point to be made that Ethan seems to be “superhuman”, especially where it seems impossible that he survives. But 1) It’s called Mission Impossible for a reason. 2) This is more of a nitpick then it is a valid point of criticism. Plenty of movies have characters survive things that should’ve killed them (e.g. Tony Stark in AVENGERS 1).

A bigger point to be made here is the role of Tom Cruise in the movie meta. The filmed can be viewed analytically through a few lenses.  One that is fundamental to the enjoyment of the film is Tom Cruise taking unnecessary risks to his wellbeing for the sake of the action set pieces. Without Tom Cruise Action Set Pieces™, the franchise would be inherently different. 

Kyle won’t be impressed until Tom Cruise FUCKIN DIES because he took it too far and it was in his will to show the movie anyway. 

These action set pieces are a combination of great cinematography, sound design, and action execution. Dismissing them as merely paint-by-number action set pieces is doing a disservice to the film and the creative efforts of those involved in the making of it, especially Tom Cruise. 

As we near the end of this review, we find ourselves with the most fundamental misunderstanding of character I’ve ever seen in the entirety of the two decades I’ve walked and breathed on this God forsaken earth:

“But even Superman had a girlfriend. Cruise seems to have given up on trying to convince us that he’s a ladies’ man and with the female lead — a fellow spy (Rebecca Ferguson) of uncertain loyalty — he shares no moment sexier than a warm hug of the quality you’d give your aunt at Thanksgiving. Lacking much character except (like everyone else here) expertise at all things, she is on hand only to check the box marked, “Strong, assertive, female.” It would make no difference within the movie if she perished at the hands of the Syndicate’s creepy chief, Lane (Sean Harris). Naming her Ilsa and having her hang out in Casablanca brings up the kinds of comparisons that can only be labeled unfortunate.”

This right here is what prompted this analysis. When I read this, I was reeling. 

And then I showed the Discord chat.

And it proceeded to make the chat want to physically fight Kyle Smith.

The implication that Ethan needs to FUCK Ilsa to make their chemistry believable and to make Ilsa an interesting character is to quote Bill and Ted “like, totally bogus, dude.” Like, Full Stop. I shouldn’t have to make that argument in this day and age.  

Ilsa is a complex 3-dimensional character. The movie is better for having her and Ethan not share any “intimate” scene together. Ilsa is conflicted by her job and has her own sense of morality, which is what prompts her to save Ethan in the first place. Her own sense of good and bad creates tension between her work and herself. 

The conversation she and Ethan have in the train station summarizes her ideological conflict very well. She is a tough ass woman trying to survive. She is not a damsel in distress but a woman who is on equal footing with Ethan.

This also pairs nicely with Ethan’s whole story arc. As it directly mirrors a rogue agent who is doing it for the benefit of the collective human good and one who has gone rogue at the behest of her government. They are foils and equals. And yes, her death would’ve meant something, because if she would have died the ideological implications of her death would mean cementing the argument of the film of the” tool vs the wielder” firmly on one side. The film is better off ending with her surviving because it leaves the ideological implications of her story open for interpretation. 

The subject matter here is very complicated and to have a simple solution would undermine the entire film.

Also saying Ilsa is a STRONG ASSERTIVE FEMALE™, suggesting she is merely a cliché action girl does her a disservice. She is a strong character with a complex struggle, more dimensional than Madeleine from Spectre, who appeared in the same year as this film. To quote the lovely @ineverhadadoubt and their frankly singlehanded destruction of Male Entitlement to Female sexuality:

Also, the Idea that no one here has character is so baffling to me? I think what Kyle is trying to say is that these characters are boring for caring about each other and not displaying the typical traits of toxic masculinity often found in the genre. We see the role of the Damsel in Distress™ taken up by Benji, not a role usually given to male characters. It strengthens the bond Ethan and Benji have created throughout the film and makes for a beautiful friendship that is not easily toppled by fragile masculinity. Every character on Team Hunt comes to care for each other, which is different from a lot of spy films. There is no toxic masculinity in their friendships here sir.

Benji wants to help Ethan and is determined to stay by his side, despite Ethan’s protests, which makes his capture near the end of the film even more tragic.  He also is a cultured man and a nerd because he 1) plays Halo 5 and 2) loves the opera. He isn’t put in a box because of his interests and he is genuinely a very funny character.

Brandt and Luther just want their friends to live and commit treason in order to keep it that way. They have no discernable characters to you @KYLE SMITH because apparently, you have some fucking shitty ass friends who won’t lay down their lives for you.

So to summarize Rogue Nation is a Fantastic film with fantastic Characters and you should definitely watch it. Also #FuckKyleSmith (Please don’t send hate to him either, I just think his opinion is shitty)

[thefutureisplywoodbikes]

Harte Rates, 2020, #1

I have watched some films.  Here are the films I have watched.

1. What We Do in the Shadows (2014) - 8/10

Good cast.  Good fun.  Does well with it’s budget, sparingly employing effective special effects and makes good use of the mockumentary format.  Liked it, but didn’t love it.

2. Manhattan Baby (1982) - 5/10 This was originally planned to be one of Fulci’s most expensive films but having had it’s budget cut in half during production what you get is a fairly pedestrian disappointment.  Some good photography and a smattering of half-decent effects work suggests that things could have been better had the producers not fucked him over, but ultimately it’s a pretty forgettable affair.  (As evidenced by the fact I can’t really remember what happened)

3. My Cousin Vinny (1992) - 8/10

Not sure if it was watching Home Alone and The Irishman at the tail-end of last year that prompted me to re-watch this, but fondly remembering it from my childhood I wanted to see how it held up.  It holds up well.  Yes, it’s implausibly plotted, but it’s sharply scripted the result is an amiable romp with some great performances, not least Marisa Tomei’s Oscar winning performance as the titular Vinny’s long-suffering but supportive fiancee.

4. Little Women (2019) - 8/10

My first trip to the cinema this year and a very pleasant way to start; this was a welcome antidote to the gloom and horror that 2020 was offering up in the real world.  It’s a refreshingly nice film.  It reminded me a bit of Terms of Endearment but less overtly sentimental.  Good performances all round from a strong ensemble, with Florence Pugh and Saoirse Ronan standing out as especially accomplished.  Timothy Chalomet is also good and avoids being annoying with a character that easily could be.  Less immediately likeable than Ladybird for me, the film is smartly constructed and directed with assurance and restraint and a good eye for colour.  Well worth a look.

5. It's My Turn (1980) - 5/10

I mostly watched this because this it was a 1980 film featuring Michael Douglas and Charles Grodin that I’d never heard of and because I sometimes like to watch obscure stuff I’m not invested in to fall asleep to.  It’s not exceptional but it has it’s moments and by focussing on the male stars to start I’ve done it a bit of a disservice.  Jill Clayburn, whose name I know but am otherwise largely unfamiliar with, is the real star of the show.  Directed by Claudia Weill from a script by Eleanor Bergstein (who’d go on to write Dirty Dancing) you get a refreshingly nuanced and complex take on the romantic comedy with an intelligent and accomplished woman (Clayburn plays a Maths professor) at it’s centre and, like watching Varda (though to a far lesser extent) you are reminded of how much more interesting things can be when women are able to be in control of telling their own stories.  The plot’s mediocre and there’s too much music throughout, but the script has some decent moments and there’s more emotional maturity at play in how it handles it’s relationships than you tend to see in mainstream cinema.  It’s certainly not great but might it satisfy your curiosity if you keep your expectations low.

6. La Dolce Vita (1960) - 9/10

Unquestionably a masterpiece, but having seen 8 1/2 last year it’s hard not to look at this as to some extent a rehearsal for that film, which has a more even tone and benefits from the director’s injection of self reproach and whimsical humour.  There’s still lot’s to love here though and i found myself checking off traces of it’s influence in much that has come since; Antonioni’s depiction of Rome in L’Eclisse, the depth of contrast and camera movements of Cuaron’s Roma, Altman’s drifting focus and, seemingly, the entire basis of Sorrentino’s career.  (That last part may be unfair, I’ve only seen The Great Beauty and Youth)  It also seems to me to be in part a check to the romanticised depiction of Rome that featured in Roman Holiday, where the paparazzo and exploitative reporter are loveable rogues (and American ex-pats) who ultimately comport themselves honourably.   Fellini’s Rome, while still bristling and bursting with glamour is far more cut-throat.  Structured over 7 days in the life of Mastroianni’s jaded journalist, the film largely luxuriates in the heady Cosmopolitan glitz of life among the rich and famous in 60′s Rome the film also ventures to some surprisingly dark places and though repeat viewings may change my mind, it felt it little uneven in tone on this viewing.  Also, while the film features a parade of great actresses it doesn’t really give them much to do other than present themselves for adoration and/or degradation, something that 8 1/2 also improves on (though arguably marginally)

7. Motel Hell (1980) - 6.5/10

A better than average little 80′s horror with competent direction, some visual flair in it’s use of colour and it’s tongue in it’s cheek.  Oh and a chainsaw battle, if that sort of thing floats your boat.

8. Daisies (1966) 10/10

Fucking magnificent.  An anarchic, inventive delight full of charm, wit and compelling imagery.

9. Five Fingers of Death (1972) - 6/10

Aka King Boxer.  I thought I’d seen this before but I’m not sure I had.  It’s decent enough; it’s better plotted/paced than a lot of kung fu films, if you’re not already a fan though I’m not sure this’ll convert you.

10. Sweet Smell of Success (1957) - 9/10

Burt Lancaster shines as the black-hearted Broadway columnist J.J. Hunsecker manipulating Tony Curtis’s press agent into a downward spiral of dark deeds in pursuit of J.J.’s favour.  Blackly cynical, it sits well along-side Billy Wilder’s Ace In The Hole and the aforementioned La Dolce Vita for the disdain it shows toward the less scrupulous side of the journalistic trade, and has a wonderfully mean script full of barbed jibes and menace.  Also of note is the beautifully textured photography of pioneering cinematographer James Wong Howe, who also shot Hud and Seconds among many, many other films.  It’s a shame more contemporary films don’t portray the rich and powerful with as much unashamed venom as this delivers.

11. Who Saw Her Die? (1972) - 6.5/10

A better than average Giallo; the plot’s still clunky and overcomplicated but the imagery is good, there’s some decent stunts and effects and there’s a great score by Ennio Morricone that elevates it.

12. El Topo (1970) - 8/10

I last saw this many years ago as a midnight movie and fell asleep for an uncertain amount of time in the middle so it was nice to see it in full.  Actually, nice probably isn’t the word.  While there’s amazing imagery and a grand meandering and maniacal story, the massive quantity of dead animals that feature in the film (and were killed exclusively for it’s aesthetic) dampened my enthusiasm somewhat for it’s artful expression.  There’s some amazing scenes and the idiosyncratic allure of Jodorowsky persist, but I’m in large part glad they don’t make ‘em like they used to.  The Dance of Reality is a far friendlier and engaging showcase for his creative spirit, as is the excellent documentary Jodorosky’s Dune

13. Cameraman: The Life and Work of Jack Cardiff (2010) -  8/10

A solid little documentary about one of cinema’s greatest cinematographers.  The man whose technicolor wizardry was instrumental in bringing the Red Shoes, A Matter of Life and Death, Black Narcissus to life.  Also shot The African Queen and Rambo: First Blood Part II.  Well worth a watch to spark or rekindle enthusiasm for catching up with Powell and Pressburger if nothing else.

14. Les Demoiselles de Rochefort (1967) - 9/10

An infectiously gleeful musical, where even a slightly baffling subplot about a serial killer doesn’t manage to dampen the mood.  Wonderfully colourful, what it might slightly lack in choreographic finesse it more than makes up for with gallic charm and sly artful direction that teases and tortures its audience with the knowledge that it possesses and the characters do not.

15. Winter Light (1963) - 10/10

81 bleak beautiful minutes of gorgeously shot, pristinely directed cinema.  Devilishly well written and wonderfully acted (Gunnar Björnstrand and Ingrid Thulin are particularly excellent) you get a similar sense of the philosophical and theological searching you get with Nuri Bilge Ceylan delivered in a fraction of the time. 

16.  F/X2 (1991) - 5/10

Somehow they managed to make a sequel more ridiculous than F/X Murder by Illusion.  A sillier re-run of the original has Bryan Brown returning as “Rollie” Tyler and managing to foil corrupt cops and mafia henchmen with the questionable aid of Bryan Dennehy’s detective ineptitude and a bunch of McGuyver style bullshit.  Also, overlong.  No-one needs 109 minutes of this.  It saddens me somewhat that this was directed by Richard Franklin, whose 1981 film Roadgames is a taut little Ozsploitation delight.  Watch that instead.

Right think that’ll do.  See you in a couple of weeks.  (*fingers crossed*)

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #169 - X-Men: The Last Stand

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Not really.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

0) Forewarning, I get a little more frank about my distaste for this film than I expected. So if you like this film and are tired of the criticisms about it, feel free to scroll past.

1) So this film had a troubled start. Fox took a while to pull the trigger and when they did Bryan Singer had signed on to direct Superman Returns which he now claims to regret. They hired Matthew Vaughn to direct - and he even made some casting and conceptual progress - but he had to bow out after a family issue. Then they brought in Brett Ratner because the film was rushed into production and he had made a successful film in a rush for the studio with Rush Hour. This - in my opinion - leads to a lot of the issues the film has.

2) This film does not open with the monologue which has opened both previous X-Men films, instead getting straight into a prologue involving Erik and Charles in 1986 visiting a young Jean Grey.

This is probably one of the earliest in depth uses of the CGI facelift technology which Hollywood seems to be all the rage about these days. It’s weird, I’m glad it doesn’t last long.

3) So in 1986 Charles can walk...but in X-Men: First Class he couldn’t walk because of Erik. Then in X-Men: Days of Future Past (before Wolverine altered the timeline) it was established he CAN walk at the expense of his powers. I can head canon a remedy for why Charles and Erik are working together despite being strained, but this is a great example of how continuity in the X-Men films kinda goes to crap after a while. 

4) Not only do we get a Stan Lee cameo, but also a Chris Claremont cameo (Chris Claremont being one of the most quintessential X-Men comics writers).

(Claremont is the guy with the lawnmower, Stan Lee with the water hose.)

5) The intro scene with young Warren Worthington/Angel tearing off his wings is very much inline with the dark tone that the previous films had. Too bad nothing really comes of it.

6) The Danger Room.

Honestly this is one of the strongest elements of the film right here. We actually get to see the team sorta work together (as well as the one time Rogue actually uses her powers in this film), Logan in teaching mode is fun, Colossus has his one line in the whole film, and it’s a fun two minutes (I’m guessing at the time) of screen time.

7) I started discussing this in my X2 recap, but Cyclops in this film literally does nothing.

There were a lot of “casualties” born from the rushed production, and James Marsden was one of them. Cyclops was the badass leader of the X-Men in the comics, with great relationships with Jean and Professor X. In this film? He mopes about Jean’s death, goes shoots up a lake with his eye beams, then dies off screen within the first twenty minutes. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt as bad if he’d had more to do in X2 but you can remedy his lack of screen time in X2 with the promise that he’ll get to do something in this film. But no. No he doesn’t.

8) Similarly, Rogue in this film gets to do absolutely nothing.

All she does is feel bad about her powers, get shoved into an awkward and underdeveloped love triangle between her, Iceman and Kitty Pryde, stand in line at a pharmacy, and have her powers removed. She doesn’t even get a fight scene! This is the end of the trilogy. This is what Rogue was supposed to be growing into all along, the badass heroine we know from the comics. And while the continued conflict with her powers and total frustration with them is a good concept, it does not stand well on its own. It needs more. ROGUE needs more.

9) Kelsey Grammer as Beast.

According to IMDb, Grammer was cast when Matthew Vaughn was still directing. Which makes sense, because he is an absolutely fucking perfect fit for the character. In every way. Easily the best part of this film is Grammer as Beast. Like Alan Cumming as Nightcrawler in X2, you don’t feel like you’re watching an actor here. He perfectly represents not only the X-Man’s intellect but also his when needed ferocity. Unfortunately Beast gets a little lost in the mess of the film, but damn if Kelsey Grammer is not just totally phenomenal in the part (which makes the rest of the film’s mediocrity all the more disappointing).

10) The idea of a mutant ethics class taught by Professor Xavier is wonderful, and if explored a little more illustrates an inherent hypocrisy in the character. Professor X has not always been the stalwart in the comics that many believe him to be. He is flawed, often times superior and filled with hypocrisy. Saying one thing then doing another. This film gives us our best peak into that, teaching a class on mutant ethics before it being revealed that he - without consent - went into Jean’s mind and set up barricades. Making her afraid of her powers instead of teaching her to use them. Unfortunately this isn’t explored as in depth throughout the film as it could be.

11) One thing I really REALLY do not like about this film is Storm.

According to IMDb:

Halle Berry had initially decided not to reprise her role as Storm for this film, citing lack of character development in the previous two installments, and a tense relationship with Bryan Singer. However, after Singer's departure, and suffering a major box-office flop with Catwoman (2004), Berry agreed to return, on the condition that her role be expanded. Consequently, in this film, Storm replaces Cyclops and Professor Xavier as team leader of the X-Men (which is keeping with the comics, where for a time Storm served as team leader in Xavier's absence).

In the film’s attempt to make Storm stronger, the filmmakers instead make her impatient, judgmental, superior, angry, and rash. None of these are traits I would use to describe Storm in the previous two installments nor in the comics or any other medium. It is a total disservice to the wise, patient, empathetic character we were introduced to in X-Men. The one who stood by the bedside of a man who hated her just so he wouldn’t be alone when he died. Trust me, there are plenty of moments in this recap where I am going to be calling out Storm’s characterization.

12) I believe when Bryan Singer was slated to come up, the film was going to exclusively concern itself with the Dark Phoenix Saga. Instead with his departure, Jean Grey’s return as the Dark Phoenix is reduced to a subplot to the mutant cure plot. And honestly? The mutant cure is wildly interesting. Taking inspiration from the first arc of the Joss Whedon penned Astonishing X-Men, I am consistently more interested in the plot with the cure than the Dark Phoenix plot in this film. I think both (especially Dark Phoenix) are put to a disservice by being paired together, and instead they should have been their own thing.

13) Did I mention how much I dislike Storm’s characterization in this film?

Storm [after Beast tells them about the cure]: “Who would want this cure? I mean what kind of coward would take it just to fit in?”

Beast: “Not all of us can fit in so easily. You don't shed on the furniture.”

First: this is remarkably judgmental of Storm, especially considering in X2 she offered Nightcrawler a safe place from the outside world. It just doesn’t make sense.

Second: GOOD ON YOU BEAST! Storm is being sort of ignorant in that statement. Her powers are practically invisible. But does she actually hear what Beast says? No. Because not two minutes later... 

(Screenshot taken of a GIF set who’s source is unknown [if this screenshot is of your GIFs, please let me know].)

There are so many things I want to say about this, but I think it’s said perfectly in these comments from @marxisforbros, @helioscentrifuge, and @kawaiite-mage:

This - more than anything else - perfectly represents my issues with storm in the film.

14) Even in what is by far the weakest of the first three X-Men films, Ian McKellen as Magneto is still wonderfully strong.

Magneto [after a mutant asks why he has no tattoos]: “I had a mark once my dear and let me assure you no needle shall touch my skin again.”

15) Added to the seemingly infinite list of things which are underdeveloped because this film is trying to do too much, Pyro’s return brings nothing to the film. He’s not developed, he’s not peeled back, his rivalry with Iceman is never fully explored, he’s just there out of obligation to the ending of X2. Which is - like a lot of this film - unfortunate.

16) Another item to add to the above mentioned list: Ben Foster as Angel.

Angel is one of the founding members of the X-Men in the comics along with Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast, and Iceman. And in this film he just serves no purpose. At all. I think he’s here largely for fan service but I think we only get three distinct scenes with him which are: he runs away from his father for trying to cure him, he is seen at Xavier mansion looking for a safe place, and he goes to save his father. He never really interacts with anyone, we never really get to see him fight, or develop. He just is present in the film.

17) Okay, for the sake of time, here is everything that this film is trying to do: the cure storyline, the Dark Phoenix saga, introduce and develop Angel, continue Rogue’s struggle with her powers, introduce Kitty Pryde, continue Pyro and Iceman’s rivalry, continue Logan’s feelings for Jean, while also introducing iconic characters like the Juggernaut. And none of these things are done well. They are all desperately fighting for time and development and end up being underserved and under baked.

Vinnie Jones as the Juggernaut is particularly disappointing because he could’ve been a great Juggernaut but ends up being stupid comic relief instead.

18) Mystique deserved a better end to her story than get cured, get ditched by Magneto, and feed the feds dirt on Magneto. Again, this is a result of the rushed production as Rebecca Romijn had other scheduling conflicts.

19) Jean Grey’s Dark Phoenix is also not really developed well. We don’t really get a peek into what it felt like to be held back for all these years with invasive and nonconsensual psychic barriers. Instead she’s really fucking horny, does a lot of weird standing around, occasionally has a moment of clarity where she begs for death, and then goes back into being someone who just stares in the distance and doesn’t really talk. And she also aligns herself with Magneto for some reason.

20)

Xavier [after Jean wakes up and escapes]: “What have you done?...I warned you.”

Logan...literally did nothing. He didn’t wake her up, he didn’t let her lose. She woke up, talked to him, and escaped on her own. And you’re fucking giving him crap? What the hell did you do buddy? You created this. You taught her to be afraid of her powers! Don’t give me this Jedi Council mentality that you were doing the right thing all along by teaching her to be afraid of herself. Okay I’m done.

21) When you agree with “death to all humans” Magneto you know there’s a problem.

Xavier [about Jean]: “She needs help, she’s not well.”

Magneto: “Funny, you sound just like her parents.”

Magneto: “You’ve always held her back.”

Xavier: “For her own good!”

22) This film also suffers from just boring fight choreography. Like the fight at the house is sorta dumb and lazily choreographed in my opinion. Storm flying in the air at the beginning is cool but then everyone else is just kinda...hitting each other.

23) Xavier’s death is remarkably sudden. Like, too sudden. We are left in shock, not in tears. We don’t really have the time to process it. Although seeing the school in morning over his death is done well, the actual effect it has on the audience is miniscule.

24) You know what else this film totally drops the ball on? Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde.

You know what hurts most? Ellen Page could be a freaking amazing Kitty Pryde and the fact the character is so lackluster in the film is not through any fault of her own. Kitty is one of the most badass fan favorite characters in the X-Men comics, but instead of using that to their advantage the filmmakers decide to thrust her into a half baked love triangle with Iceman and Rogue and only have her use her powers for a few minutes in an overstuffed fight scene at the very end. We never really get to know her as a character or analyze her relationships with the other teammates. But it’s Academy Award nominated actress Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde! That should be way more awesome than the filmmakers ended up making it.

25) Hey, remember how the relationship between Logan and Rogue was so freaking amazing in the first film? Yeah, this is all we get of it in this film.

Rogue [when Logan catches her leaving X Mansion]: “I want to be able to touch people, Logan. A hug. A handshake. A kiss.”

Logan: “I hope you’re not doing this for some boy. If wanna go, then go. Just be sure it’s what you want.”

[Rogue asks Logan if he shouldn’t be telling her to stay.]

Logan [warmly]: “I’m not your father, I’m your friend.”

Man, I really need to watch the Rogue Cut of Days of Future Past.

26) The most frustrating part of this film is that there are great moments and aspects to it. Jackman is still great as Wolverine, Kelsey Grammer as Beast, the idea of the cure. This line in particular has always stood out to me.

Magento [after Pyro he says he could’ve killed Xavier if he’d been asked]: “Charles Xavier did more for mutants than you’ll ever know. My single greatest regret is that he head to die for our dream to live.”

That line is remarkably powerful, for even though the pair are at incredible odds with each other they’re friends. They have respect, they both want a similar goal (for mutants to be free form oppression) they just are going about it differently. I love that line.

27) Hey, remember how I said I really dislike Storm in this film?

Storm [after Jean killed the professor]: “She’s gone Logan, she’s not coming back.”

Storm: “She made her choice, now it’s time we make ours.”

(GIF originally posted by @kulo-ren)

Okay, first of all: isn’t Jean supposed to be like one of your best friends in the world? Weren’t you Xavier’s first students together? You wash your hands of her pretty freaking quickly and get REAL comfortable with that REAL fast. And then second: the hell do you mean she made her choice? SHE MADE NO CHOICE! This is the result of Professor X screwing around with her mind to the point where she can’t control her own damn powers! Like hell this is a choice! God, I hate what they did to Storm in this film.

28) Wait, is that...that’s R. Lee Ermey. The voice of a sergeant as the military prepares to go fight the brotherhood, that’s R. Lee Ermey!

Huh.

29)

Kitty: “There’s only six of us, Logan.”

Yeah, because Rogue doesn’t get to do anything, you killed off Cyclops, Angel is also barely there, you don’t really get developed as a character, and Colossus already had his one line for the film.

30) I think this is the last time I’ll say this, but I really hate what they did to Storm in this film.

Storm [to Logan, about Jean]: “But are you ready to do what you need to do when the time comes?”

Except for that weird line about what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning in X-Men, when has Storm ever gone into battle expecting to murder someone? What part of Xavier’s teachings or his memory would make her think that being EAGER to kill Jean is fucking okay? I just...ugh. Moving on.

31) One of the best parts of this film is the scene where Magneto moves the Golden Gate Bridge so it drops them all off on Alcatraz. It is an incredibly powerful and memorable visual and one of the standout aspects of the film.

32) So Magneto moves the Golden Gate Bridge, gets to Alcatraz (where the cure is being held), and sets his army of mutants lose before saying...

Magneto: “In chess the pawns go first.”

For one thing, Magneto is all into mutant brotherhood and everything. He has never once shown to think that one mutant’s right to live free was more important than the others, so why are these guys suddenly pawns. Secondly, and I don’t know how clear I can make this...

You have the freaking Dark Phoenix on your side, the most powerful mutant ever with no limits to her powers. AND SHE’S JUST GOING TO STAND THERE UNTIL THE BATTLE IS OVER!?!?

33) In the climactic battle, the X-Men don’t really fight like a team. At all. They’re sorta each doing their own thing while standing next to each other. It’s...boring.

34) Okay, this line is probably very stupid but I love it.

According to IMDb:

Cain Marko's line "Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" was inspired by a popular web parody film that made use of scenes from X-Men (1992). Throughout the parody , the Juggernaut character repeatedly says, "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" According to the Wikipedia, Brett Ratner even has a link to this parody on his own website.

35) I will say, even though this film has its problems, the way they defeat Magneto at the end (by distracting him with Wolverine) is very smart I think.

36) I have nothing to say about Phoenix’s demise that I haven’t said before. Underdeveloped, sorta doesn’t make sense, all that jazz.

37) So Rogue decided to get the mutant “cure” after all. And when she talks to Bobby about it...

Bobby: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Rogue: “I know, it’s what I wanted.”

While I admire the idea for Rogue to take this decision in her own hands, I get the feeling the filmmakers were very noncommittal on this idea. They shot an alternate scene where Rogue tells Bobby she DIDN’T get the cure, meaning they didn’t really know which one fit the story better so they don’t invest in either idea. Also - and I said this earlier - Rogue didn’t do anything during the entire film.

38) The final glimpse of Magneto playing chess is actually a pretty nice way to end the film. It drives home how he has no one - not even Charles - while also setting up things to come. But...wouldn’t he still be under arrest? He’s still a terrorist, powers or not.

This film is an underdeveloped mess in my opinion. While there are still strong performances and worthwhile additions (notable Kelsey Grammer and the Golden Gate Bridge scene), there are characters who are just pretty much forgotten and the fact it’s trying to do too much means nothing is done particularly well. If you liked X2 you should watch it just to get some sort of closure after that film, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll enjoy it. It’s just...eh, in my opinion. I do not enjoy it.

[motherboxing]

Sorry this is not the meme you asked for, but I remember you said Kitty Pryde is a favorite of yours? What comics would you rec for good Kitty content? (I've only read Uncanny X-Men 199 and 200 but she's SO GOOD in those)

Yeah! I fuckin’ love Kitty. Before I talk about the Kitty stories I like, I feel like I should clarify some things about what I like about Kitty, versus when I feel like she’s been done a disservice by dude writers who don’t really “get” her. 

So the thing about Kitty is she is just kind of a deeply sincere person. She can be sarcastic and even very occasionally cynical, and she can definitely be exhausted and beleaguered and pissed off, but ultimately Kitty is someone with a deep and abiding sense of who she is, what her own values are, and what she expects from the people around her. She became an X-Man very young - much like Jubilee - and filled a similar role, for a while, to the role that Jubilee has also at various points filled, and so I think there’s a tendency to compare the two (and also to compare those two to Rogue) and I think that does both characters a disservice because it always ends up being about, like, who people want to be their girlfriend. (I once got really mad at The Flophouse for doing an extended bit about how Rogue was like, the sexy taboo girl who you as a teenager wanted but couldn’t touch, and Kitty was a Nice Girl Who You Could Bring Home To Your Mother. SIGH.) (I get feeling that way when you’re like a straight fourteen year old boy but you are grown ass men now!!! why!!!!!!!!!!)

That’s the problem with a lot of - maybe the majority of - takes on Kitty. A certain kind of dude has a tendency to just write Kitty as his ideal girlfriend. I know this is like, a documented phenomenon (see also: In The Garage by Weezer - “I’ve got Kitty Pryde/waiting there for me”) and I mean, I get that it has a lot to do with Kitty being initially written as this very approachable teenage girl character, which appealed to a lot of teenage boys at the time, because she was a superhero girl but she didn’t seem like she’d react badly to some nerdy kid asking her out, you know? But at the same time, as a young girl reading comics, I related very strongly to Kitty in a very different way. And it frustrates me to no end that these dudes never seem to be able to let go of their initial youth-informed impressions of Kitty even when they’re, like, writing her. 

Subsequently I tend to be really wary of stories about Kitty that feature a romantic plot or subplot, although I do feel like to some extent she works well as a romantic heroine. It’s just that when she’s in a romantic story, writers tend to view her entirely through the eyes of the person she’s dating, instead of getting into her own head.

SO. TO THAT END. If you liked Uncanny X-Men 199 and 200 (that’s where she goes to the Holocaust Museum with Magneto, right? To honour her aunt?), I’d def recommend checking out her first appearance - it’s in a three-issue arc that was part of the Dark Phoenix Saga. This story gets referenced in a few other Kitty stories, so reading it will give you a good frame of reference for other stuff, too. The events of that story (watching the X-Men, who have taken her in during a really confusing time in her life and shown her that she’s not alone, literally caged by the Hellfire Club) are clearly super formative for her, and the story does a good job of establishing her overall voice and attitude (at least of that time). That’s in Uncanny X-Men 129-131.

Days Of Future Past is also probably essential Kitty reading - that’s Uncanny X-Men 141 and 142. The movie did not do that story justice and I’m irritable about it but whatever. Continuing with Claremont et al and Uncanny X-Men for a minute, there’s also Uncanny X-Men 168, which you should read just for the iconic “Professor Xavier is a JERK!” moment that gets referenced constantly. 

A lot of people liked Kitty Pryde And Wolverine but I find it kind of uncomfortable, I dunno. There’s an unfortunate period where Marvel decided that Kitty should take a level in badass or whatever by become, like, a ninja? That was weird. We don’t really speak of it.

I like some of the stuff with her and Pete Wisdom (who was certainly better for her than Colossus, I’m sorry, I love Colossus but DUDE! She was FOURTEEN! A fourteen year old dating a nineteen year old is a very different situation than, like, a 28 year old dating a 32 year old, you know? I wouldn’t say that their relationship was like, necessarily abusive or anything but it clearly was not healthy, it was a tumultuous first love that hurt them both but mostly hurt her, and while that appeals to me on one level* as someone who’s been a young woman in a similar situation, I am very uncomfortable with the explicit framing of their early relationship as the beginning of a great and enduring love affair.) - that happened in Excalibur, and also they had a series (miniseries?) for a while called Pryde And Wisdom that had some fun moments. I know Warren Ellis got a lot of flak for the fact that Wisdom was really obviously his self-insert Gary Stu and people didn’t like seeing him with Kitty but like… her last relationship before that was Colossus! At least Pete was, like, age-appropriate and didn’t dump her by falling for a woman who he LITERALLY could not have a conversation with. 

I’d skip a bunch of the Kitty In College stuff because during that period there was a glut of scenes where writers just made Kitty this extremely heavy-handed political mouthpiece for their own liberalism, and it aggravates me (a couple of times she uses the n-word because, like, it’s basically the same as someone calling her a “mutie”, right? No, Kitty. No.) But it has a few moments that are interesting in that you get to see this young woman who has been through a lot of literally unbelievable shit, but when it comes to, like, interpersonal relationships etc, it ultimately fairly naive and even sheltered. (To that end I could totally see like, Kitty being a kid in her first year of college who DOES, for a hot second, think it’s okay to say the n-word if she’s making a point about prejudice - I just don’t like that she never gets corrected and never gets a chance to like, realize that’s shitty and racist of her, you know? I’d be fine if it was like, “this young woman has had a very, very weird teenagehood and while she means well she’s prone to sticking her foot in her mouth in sometimes really awful ways, but when she does we as readers understand this as something she needs to get past in order to grow as a person” - but it’s not, so, like, whatever.) I forget what books that stuff took place in, though, you’d have to look it up. There was a story where she worked as a bartender or something.

I’m really loathe to recommend anything by Whedon but if I’m being totally, completely honest with myself, I did enjoy the Gifted storyline in his run of Astonishing X-Men. It has some moments that I cannot stand, and it has a LOT of Whedon’s obnoxious quippiness, but, I dunno, it has it’s charms. Everything Whedon does after that on that book is… ugh. UGH. So much of Whedon’s bog-fucking-standard issues (pregnancy horror, etc) and Kitty more and more just becomes Buffy and it’s gross. If you can tolerate Whedon dialogue I’d say like, torrrent Gifted or something (don’t pay for it lol) but beyond that you can skip everything he’s done with her. People make a big deal about how she phased a bullet through the Earth but trust me when I say that was just really stupid.

This got really long, I hope this is helpful!! I have a lot of feelings about Kitty.

*basically, catharsis

[mattsagervo]

Interview: Tal M. Klein, Author of 'The Punch Escrow'

The Punch Escrow has been a huge critical and commercial success, author Tal M. Klein's debut novel has garnered praise from everyone from NPR to Felicia Day, and with good reason. Set in the year 2147, Escrow combines a compelling story and cast of characters with masterful world-building - transporting the reader to an all-too believable future, constructed from a mix of imaginative fiction, and speculative extensions of real-world science and sociological trends. 

It has garnered many favorable comparisons to Ready Player One, which does it a bit of a disservice, since it's a work of breathtaking originality. The only similarities I note are that it successfully integrates, and updates, some beloved science fiction ideas, and that it has been fast tracked to the big screen; a film adaptation is already in development at Lionsgate.

I had the opportunity to interview Klein about the book's origins and influences, what to expect from him in the future, and how he masterfully constructed the world of 2147 - from science, to music and more. 

Matt Sager: Like a lot of great science fiction, The Punch Escrow has several themes, and is clearly about a lot more than a future of human replication and teleportation. How would you describe the book's plot and overall themes - or more bluntly, "what is your book about?"   Tal M. Klein: I like to say it’s a hard sci-fi technothriller with a love story at its core. Joel Byram, an everyday guy in 2147 New York is duplicated en route to Costa Rica as a result of a teleportation mishap, the company that runs teleportation wants to “fix the bug” by killing one of the duplicates, religious zealots want to use his circumstance as propaganda, and his wife is kidnapped by a rogue scientist. Now Joel is fighting to save his life and in his wife in a world that has two of him. The core elements of the story are rooted in identity: Are we who society says we are? Or who we think we are? Or who those who we love believe us to be?  

MS: You’ve attained huge success with The Punch Escrow - you’ve attained massive critical and commercial success, the book has been optioned by Lions Gate, and as of this writing it’s number 1 on Amazon’s Hard Science Fiction charts. Did you envision this level of attention and success for your debut novel?  TMK: I set out to tell the best version of my story. That was my criteria for a “job well done.” I’m thrilled people are digging it. The credit for its success is equally shared by my wife, my editorial team of Robert Kroese, Matt Harry, and Adam Gomolin, and Howie Sanders at United Talent Agency.  

MS: I’ve been told that the concept for the book came about over an argument over the plausibility of Star Trek transporters - can you elaborate on how that led to a book about teleportation and cloning? TMK: What you’ve been told is true! Back in 2012, I was complaining to a co-worker about J.J. Abrams’ over the top use of lens flare in the Star Trek reboot, when suddenly, our CEO interrupted our conversation by shouting “It’s bullshit!” It turned out he wasn’t talking about the lens flare, but Star Trek’s transporters. He was an expert in quantum physics and went on to explain that nobody in the right mind would ever step into a transporter if they knew how it worked. It was then that I realized that there wasn’t a good origin story for the commercialization of teleportation. The fact is, I initially set out the write The Punch Escrow as a textbook from the future, with scribbles in the margins by a smartass named Joel Byram. That was the first draft. By the time the final draft was done, Joel’s story became the focus on the book, and the “textbook” was relegated to liner notes, explaining the world Joel lived in.  

MS: I’m very aware that you're not a fan of J.J. Abrams' lens flare. Cinematography aside, are you a fan of the new Star Trek franchise? Other than the transporter argument, has it had any influence on your writing? TMK: Hah, well, discounting for his penchant for lens flare, I’m a huge J.J. Abrams fan, the first movie of the Trek reboot was great. I didn’t really care for the second or third. MS:  J.J. Abrams aside, I know that you’re a huge fan of Star Trek - which is your favorite franchise, and how has it influenced you as a writer? TMK: I’d qualify that by saying I love Star Trek, but I’m not a Trekkie. I say that because I learned my lesson at San Diego Comic Con. If you tell a Trekkie that you’re a Trekkie, they expect you to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the entire Trek cannon, which I do not possess. So, yes, I am a Star Trek fan. My favorite franchise was DS9, but my favorite season of all time was TNG Season 6. MS: Which other science fiction television shows, films, books and writers would you cite as your biggest influences?   TMK: Larry Niven, Scott Meyer, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, and, because The Martian undeniably catalyzed me to write my book, Andy Weir. As for television shows, I think it’s fair to credit modern detective shows like Psych and Monk for helping me wrap my mind around Rube Goldberg plot devices. Most influential was my favorite show of all time, the X-Files spinoff The Lone Gunmen. I think they really nailed the technogeek persona. Influential movies run the gamut from The Princess Bride to Donnie Darko and everything in between, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention District 9, Looper, and Gattaca. MS: The Punch Escrow strikes me as a book that's in equal parts hopeful and fearful for the future. There are themes of utopian technology corrupted by corporate interference. How much of that - the good and the ill - do you see unfolding in the present? Is your fictional vision of 2147 similar to your actual view of the future? TMK: To borrow a phrase from The Jester, There's an unequal amount of good and bad in most things. The trick is to figure out the ratio and act accordingly. I don’t think future is dystopian or utopian, it’s just us progressing along our evolutionary path. MS: Music plays a major role in the book. I understand that we have a music industry background in common. What was your career in music like, and how did it contribute to the Joel's soundtrack, and the new genre of redistro? TMK: I never think of anything I do artistically as a “career” — music and writing are my hobbies. I’m very serious about my hobbies, but I pursue them for the sake of pure joy rather than income. MS: One of the most original ideas in The Punch Escrow is the brilliant, if gross, race of genetically engineered mosquitoes. What was your inspiration for these bugs that eat lighting and crap thunder, so to speak? TMK: Everyone loves the mosquitoes! The near-scandal is that I cut the mosquitoes in the third draft of the book because I learned about bacteria that eat methane and excreted oxygen, but my beta readers freaked out on me, so I put the skeeters back. The reason the mosquitoes are there is because I wanted to solve for air pollution but in a very messy, human way. Humans tend to to opt for quick fixes and shortcuts, I think it’s because we are a breed largely driven by the pursuit of instant gratification. MS: Hard science fiction like The Punch Escrow seems to grow more relevant by the day as AI and robots are, to varying degrees, infiltrating the workforce and performing tasks that were once the sole domain of humans. Do you see this as a growing issue, and if so, need it be a threat? Is AI really capable of supplanting people, and is that really what corporations as a whole want?  TMK: Will apps and robots take the place of people? Absolutely. But if we look at what happened in the Industrial Age, people were prophesizing similar doom and gloom scenarios, and that’s not how the future turned out. There will be plenty of human jobs after AI, it’s just that those jobs will be different than many of the jobs we have today. MS: How did you come up with the idea of a machine language - that is, a language by machines, for machines, cars talking to one another, etc? How surprised were you when Facebook had to shut down it’s AI because it had created a secret language for itself? TMK: If you’ve ever played with AI, it makes sense that two pieces of semi-intelligent code might form a more optimal method of communicating than our cumbersome language. I was a bit taken aback by what happened at Facebook, yes. But it wasn’t shocking. I also understand why they pulled the chord, but I kind of wish they hadn’t.   MS: What do you think machines are saying about us, and if AI continues to advance, do you think that they are going to develop an opinion of us? Do you think it will be favorable, and/or within our ability to influence?    TMK: Code will likely always be subservient to its programmer. As such, I think we need to add ethics to the list of engineering core competencies. If engineers exclusively focus on successful code execution without regard for anthropological outcomes in the age of AI, we may very well end up with evil robots.   MS: Are there sequels in the works? What’s next for the Punch Escrow universe, and for you as a writer? TMK: I’m contractually obligated to deliver two more books that take place in the world of The Punch Escrow. One of them will likely be a sequel of sorts in that we’ll get into matters unresolved in The Punch Escrow, but the other is shaping up to be a standalone novel with a narrative that is ancillary to that of The Punch Escrow. But who knows, both are at the very early formative stages.