#but i reserve the right to go back and edit this tomorrow lmao

[sargeantposting]

A Logan Sargeant Primer: Part I (2000 - 2015)

Logan grows up in a ritzy suburb of Fort Lauderdale called Lighthouse Point with his parents and his older brother, Dalton.

The Sargeants don't have a deep motorsport history. Dalton and Logan get their first go-karts for Christmas in 2006, a gift from their father after their mother refuses to let her children ride dirt bikes anymore. Logan tells the NYT that:

“No one in the family was really even that much into racing. We just picked it up as a hobby, something to do on the weekend.”

The two brothers get more serious as the years go by-- within a few years, they're racing competitively. They both do well. Logan finishes in third place in only his first year of racing, and wins two titles in his second. 

Unfortunately, they figure out fairly quickly that there isn’t much more room to advance in American karting:

My older brother, Dalton, and I had been racing for a few years, and it had gotten to the point where we were asking around about where the next best level of competition was, and everybody was saying the same thing…. It was always Europe, Europe, Europe, Europe. To the point where my parents really started to think about it. At first it was just this idea, like Maybe we’ll move to Europe, who knows. I was just a kid overhearing stuff, so I didn’t know how serious the conversation must have been until this day I’ll never forget.

The conversation gets serious in 2012, when Logan’s dad, Daniel, asks the two if they want to move to Switzerland:

It was summer, and we were out to lunch. It was me, my dad, and Dalton. [...] So we’re at this restaurant, right? Chowing down on burgers (my favorite), and my dad gets to asking us about racing. Finally, he’s like, “What do you guys think? Do you really want to race in Europe? Are you 100% sure about this?” Me being 11 and naive, I was like, “Yeah sure.”  Looking back on it, I think I was lucky I was that young and that I didn’t really know what I was signing up for. All the different ways it could change my life, the level of sacrifice it would require from my whole family. Because if I had known, I don’t know if I would’ve made the same decision so easily. It all happened fast, like in the movies. One minute, it’s Christmas, I’m six, and me and Dalton are yelling at the top of our lungs, excited about the two karts sitting in the driveway, pointed diagonally at each other like in a magazine. Next minute, I’m 11 and Dalton’s 14. We’re sitting at the table eating lunch with my dad, and it’s decided — our family’s moving to Europe.

When Logan tells the same story in GQ in 2023, he says:

I was always just going with the flow. For me it was just: sure.

The Sergeant family leaves for Switzerland just as Logan finishes up fifth grade. While Logan always talks about the family move to Switzerland in the context of his parents making sacrifices for his career, it's a little more complicated than that.

 GQ’s profile steps around the subject, briefly mentioning that “in addition to the racing opportunities, [Logan’s] Dad had business there.” Unfortunately, business would be an understatement. 

At the time, Logan’s dad, Daniel, worked for the family business– an asphalt trading and shipping company named Sergeant Marine. One of the driving forces behind Sergeant Marine’s success would be Daniel’s older brother, Harry. 

When Logan’s detractors mention his family’s connections to Trump, they’re usually referencing Harry. The NYT describes his billionaire uncle as “a former [Top Gun] fighter pilot and onetime finance chair of Florida’s Republican Party who has been sued by the brother-in-law of King Abdullah II of Jordan and whose name turned up, tangentially, in the 2020 impeachment of former President Donald J. Trump. (Harry was not accused of any wrongdoing.)” 

Harry would leave the company around the time Daniel moved his family to Switzerland. According to The Florida Phoenix, “The entire family was embroiled in a long-running bitter series of lawsuits that ended with a 2015 bankruptcy settlement. Harry III walked away with a cool $56-million. In return he gave up any claim to ownership of Sargeant Marine and other family companies. There were 14 different lawsuits in several states in addition to the bankruptcy. The lawsuits produced salacious testimony that could only arise in a vicious dispute between millionaires. Harry III accused his brother Daniel of spending millions on his sons’ pursuits of race car driving and other ventures. Meanwhile, Daniel accused Sargeant III of being a spendthrift on things such as a $7.5-million mansion, private jets and exotic cars.”

Logan with his dad.

It would, somehow, get worse:

Oil and asphalt mogul Harry Sargeant III claims that industrial design plans along with recordings of "private consensual relations" were purloined from his private email account and traded off to a corporate intelligence agent as part of a years-long smear campaign against him spearheaded by his brother. Reigniting a long-running saga of brother-against-brother litigation, Harry Sargeant III claims that hundreds of pages of business records, personal discussions and "extremely sensitive videos and photographs" were illegally obtained from his email account. The material was used as currency for information-bartering between his brother Daniel Sargeant and a corporate intelligence chief at the nonparty legal service firm Burford, the lawsuit alleges. Harry is demanding damages for alleged invasion of privacy on the part of Daniel. The brothers had in years past worked together on managing the Sargeant family's global oil and asphalt empire, before intra-family disputes began to tear them apart. [...] The lawsuit claims the Burford investigator, a former corporate attorney, knows Harry well. According to the court documents, the investigator for years worked as an enforcement agent on a $28 million judgment secured against Harry by the king of Jordan's brother-in-law Mohammad Al-Saleh, who accused Harry of cutting him out of a deal to distribute oil to troops in the Iraq War. [...] Harry claims brother Daniel gave the corporate intelligence agent the treasure trove of Harry's emails  in exchange for inside information that would help the Sargeant family's asphalt company Latin American Investments in a separate multimillion-dollar legal dispute. Harry's underlying email account ran on a server of the family company Sargeant Marine. When he was ousted from the Sargeant empire, Harry had been told that the account was cut off at the root and all information in it had been destroyed, the lawsuit says. The lifted emails were instead provided to an "untold number of people" inside and outside of the family businesses in 2016, the lawsuit claims.

The information that Daniel traded his brother’s sex tape for would end up being useless. Daniel is currently out a $5 million bond and awaiting sentencing for the foreign bribery and money laundering charges he pled guilty to back in 2019. After bribing officials in three South American countries to secure asphalt contracts, the Department of Justice ended up making an example of the company– and Daniel– for violating the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. 

While Logan cites his career as a big reason for the family move, it appears that Sargeant Marine had conveniently made shell companies in Switzerland to aid in their illegal business dealings that same year.

Logan, blissfully unaware of any drama, tries to make the most of the big move. They move to Lugano, Switzerland– Dalton and Logan go to the American School on weekdays and race on the weekends in the European junior circuit, bouncing them between Italy, Switzerland and Britain. In GQ, Logan says:

“I definitely felt like school was a lot more challenging than in Florida,” he recalled. “And we were missing a lot of school, for sure, but that’s part of it with racing. It is what it is.”

Logan loves Switzerland. In his Players’ Tribune article, he says:

We moved into a three-bedroom apartment. It was me, my parents, Dalton, and our dog Roxy, the world traveler. Big difference from Florida. We had a whole new life. I loved Switzerland. I had a lot of good friends at my school there. I can’t explain it, but I just felt more a part of things. Me and my friends were big Chelsea fans, and we’d be hanging out, playing soccer all the time. We played Call of Duty like every other kid in the world.

However… Logan is the only one. Daniel is out doing shady asphalt deals around the world and suing his brother. Dalton moves back to Florida after a year-and-a-half. Their mother follows soon after that. Logan ends up living alone at the school: 

Dalton was my older brother, so for as far back as I can remember, I was chasing him. Man, we fought all the time. Every race, we were up against all these other kids, but he was always the one I was really trying to beat. But the thing is, when you’re a kid you miss things. You just can’t see everything so clearly. Like, for instance, being a bit older than me, I think he felt the shift more strongly when we moved, but I didn’t know it. He stayed in Switzerland for a year and a half, did some European karting, and started testing Formula cars. Then one day he just decided he wanted to go home and race in America. I won’t lie, that was a shock at the time. But I get it more now. Making that big life change was hard on my mom, too. Just think, you’re living in this brand new place, don’t have many friends. Me and Dalton were at school all day. My dad was traveling all over the place with work, so he was hardly there. The reality is, she was on her own a lot. So she ended up going back to Florida, too. For about a year and a half after that, it was just me. I was living at the school during that time.

When talking about how his mom moved back to Florida while Logan was living alone in Europe as a teenager, he told the Players’ Tribune that:

Looking back on everything, I just see all the sacrifices they made, and it means so much. No matter what they were going through, my family always pushed me to keep going. I feel like that was probably the hardest for my mom, especially. She means the world to me. She’s a bit of a worrier too, and overthinks. I think I get that from her. She’s always been the person I could go to when I was doubting myself. So I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her to encourage me to keep going, when I know she probably wanted our family to be together. I’m really grateful, not only that they believed in me that much, to move our entire family, but that they took my passion for driving seriously enough not to let me give it all up.

While Logan’s personal life may be troubled, his karting career is doing exceptionally well. In 2014, he wins the prestigious SuperNats18 in Vegas:

Infinity Sports Management, Facebook - SARGEANT DOMINATES IN LAS VEGAS. Logan Sargeant produced a stunning display last weekend in the TAG Junior category at the Supernationals race in Las Vegas. After finishing runner up in the race in 2013 Logan was eager to go one better this year and bring home the winners trophy. Although Logan got pipped in qualifying he still managed to win every heat ensuring he would start from pole position for the final on Sunday. From there he kept the lead and came home 5.6 seconds clear of the second driver. With this win in TAG Junior Logan become the first driver ever to win the TAG Cadet and TAG Junior categories at the Supernationals race.

2015 manages to be even more exceptional. Logan starts the season by being the first North American driver to win a WSK event by winning the WSK Champions Cup in La Conca, Italy.

Logan with his mother after winning the WSK Champions Cup.

The season reaches its peak with Logan becomes the first American to win an FIA Karting World Championship, the top junior series, since Lake Speed in 1978.

He gets to go to the FIA Awards:

Logan: And I couldn’t thank my mechanic enough. And also my parents, uh, they really helped me to be able to win the world championship and it’s just an amazing feeling. Interviewer: I mean, did you, did you, what did you do when you found out you won? Did you call your friends at home? Did you phone your grandpa? What did you get up to? Logan: Uh, no, I just gave my mom and dad a really big hug. Interviewer: Is it still sinking in now? Logan: Yeah, it’s, it’s a really emotional thing. [...] Interviewer: Tell me about when you were a little bit younger than you are now. You’re only 14 now. But why racing, why, why is this so important to you? Logan: Um, well, my dad bought me a, a racing kart when I was five years old and we started from there. We thought it would just be like a little hobby and, uh, it ended up becoming like a professional thing we did. So. Interviewer: So, so was there a moment when you, when you or your dad just thought ‘Wow, I’m quick. I can do this’? Logan: Um, well, not really. We just kept progressing and then, um, when we, when we decided to come to Europe to race, um, we moved to Switzerland and from then on we were just, uh, going to school, I started going to school in Switzerland. And, yeah, and then we just kept going and then ended up like this. Interviewer: Do you have any other hobbies? Can you fit anything else in? Logan: Um, well, other than school it’s really hard. But when I get my breaks and I go back to Florida for, um, I like to go fishing a lot and, yeah, that’s what I do. Mostly. 

When interviewed after his win, Logan tells kart360 that:

Moving away from home is a very hard thing in your own personal life. You lose all of your best friends. You don’t have your "home" and you have to adapt to a different culture. It is hard to move to a country that speaks a different language than what you know, but racing is so important to me that I stuck through it and kept on going.

Logan clearly struggles on a personal level. He discusses his feelings in his Players’ Tribune article, saying: 

Coming up racing as a kid isn’t easy. That’s the most honest way I can put it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to myself, I’m done. I’m ready to come home. I’m glad I didn’t, but there were plenty of times when I wanted to. I remember one big time was the summer right after Dalton went back. We took this trip to the Bahamas with some of our extended family and friends. We were on the water, and everything was feeling like old times. And I think I just had this pit in the bottom of my stomach, like dreading going back. There was a night when I went to my mom, and I was like, “I’m just ready to come home.” I remember her asking me more questions about what I was feeling. I don’t even remember what I said, to be honest. I just remember that she didn’t tell me what to do. She left it completely up to me. My dad used to always say, “If you put in the work now, it’ll pay off eventually — it’ll be worth it.” And he kind of reminded me of that on that trip too. It’ll be worth it. Those four little words … that’s what kept me going. After that I sucked it up, went back to Switzerland, put my head down, and I went for it."

When Logan makes the jump to single seaters the next year, his parents rent him an apartment to live in by himself in London. The only time he’ll spend more than a few weeks in the US since he was a 12-year old would be during COVID.

But Logan’s time in single seaters will be for the next installment.

Logan through the years.

[oblivious-nuisance]

ꨄ 𝐀𝐒𝐒, 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐒

BUNGŌ STRAY DOGS VERSION (part 2 – ADA)

↳ includes: tanizaki jun'ichirō, edogawa ranpo, fukuzawa yukichi, tayama katai

a/n: the other ada fellas' preferences, since y'all really enjoyed part 1 :> also stinky man katai is here bc i got weirdly attached to him for the short amout of time that he appeared on screen so yeah <3

warnings: fluff and smut, gn/fem!reader (?), butt pats lmao, mentions of: thigh highs, garters, one (1) use of the word "cunt", oral (f.recieving), praise kink, authoritarian kink

— TANIZAKI

thigh man through and through. he thinks they're so soft and full and pretty, he loves tracing patterns with his nimble fingers over the flesh. another thing he loves about your thighs is the way you wrap them around his middle when he fucks you ruthlessly into the matress, he lives for the warm feeling that your skin provides against his. he really likes seeing your legs clad in thigh highs, but cheeky black garters drive him absolutely feral (give him a peek at work and he's breaking your back in the nearest bathroom, no questions asked 💅). OH AND HE LOVES SLAPPING YOUR THIGH WHEN YOU MISBEHAVE HE'S SUCH A CUNT

— RANPO

ass or thighs. in all honesty, he loves all of you and he can't get enough. but if he'd really have to choose, he'd be quite happy with the idea of being buried between your thighs, with his hands groping your ass tightly as he's tongue-fucking you into oblivion. he just loves the feeling of your thighs clamping down on his face, it gives him a sense of power (and if you mix it with some praise on your part, you already know you won't be walking properly tomorrow bestie 😃). WILL go crazy if you start wearing short plaid skirts, but be prepared tho bc now you've unlocked hard dom ranpo uwu (which translates to him baisically cornering you somewhere in his office preferably somewhere where the two of you could get caught and expressing just in how much trouble you are for wearing something quite inappropriate at work, so that he could then proceed to degrade and humiliate you, while ruthlessly pounding into your sore pussy, all while dazai, yosano and the others are in the room next door °v°)

— FUKUZAWA

ASS. apart from the huge authoritarian kink he's got, the mans just straight-up likes how it looks. it's so round and soft, so don't be surprised if you find him laying his head on your bum after a long day, as the both of you are splayed out on your shared bed. oh and he's so into butt pats. you cook that delicious omlette one sunday morning? butt pat. you prepare a nice, hot bath for when he comes all drained and exhausted from work? butt pat. you get a clean, straight shot right in-between the eyes (of a dummy, ofc)? b u t t p a t. the only misfortune was that most of the ADA staff was also there while you received said butt pat (thank god that kenji and kyōka were downstairs with kunikida). haruno just blushed furiously and pretended not to have witnessed such an intimate moment, but ranpo never let you hear the end of it for a while.

BONUS — KATAI

boob man boob man boob man. the only other safe place for him (other than yoshiko) is literally between your breasts. loves the warmth and comfort that they provide, especially when the both of you are lying in his futon. believe it or not, it really helps him concentrate when he's sucking on your tiddies, most of the time not even in a sexual way (although, more often than not, it gets to that point, since you're perched on his lap so nicely, wearing nothing but a soft yukata that's slowly sliding off your shoulders). oh and he loves taking baths with you since he can rest his head on your glistening chest. mans literally living the dream <3

©oblivious-nuisance - all rights reserved

no translations, edits, copying, reposting etc.

[sailorhyunjinz]

~ 𝕋𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 ~

Part I

© sailorhyunjinz 2021; Rights Reserved

All picture rights to their respective owners.

ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥: Photographer!hyunjin, fem!model!reader, manager!Bangchan, stylist!Jisung, agedup!straykids, SMUT IN LATER PARTS, fluff, character driven story, strangers to lovers, summer au, mentions of insecurity, love at first sight.

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 3,5 k  

ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖: I have never written a series before so please understand if it’s lacking heh... and yes the title does relate to the kooks song with the same title so do give it a listen because it’s really good and fits the story c: 

also this starts slowly LMAO MORE FUN THINGS ARE COMING UP I SWEAR <33

If you have any feedback I’m more than happy to receive it! <3

Taking pictures of you - MASTERLIST

ONE｜TWO｜THREE

Working as a model was not easy. The complaining managers and the expectations by others was too much to handle. Heck, even getting to the shooting locations was a hastle most of the time. 

You tilted your head against the window in the backseat of the taxi. It was a calm august wednesday. The late summer breeze made it’s way into the cab thorugh the window that was opened on the drivers side. Your phone screen lit up, multiple notification from Instagram. 

“omg! slay bbygrl”

“her face is crazy pretty”

“beautiful”

You’ve heard these words too many times. If you’re told the same thing over and over again they eventually mean nothing. You scrolled through the other comments on your latest instagram post, a photo from your last photoshoot. A picture of you lying in a bed of white flowers, your skin glowing and your body covered by a white sheer dress that accentuated your neck. It’s not a bad photo but was I really worth the attention? “There are a thousands of other girls way prettier than me.” you though and with a sulken expression you watched life run by outside the window. 

15 minutes later you arrived at your agency. You smiled your model smile at the taxi driver to which he smiled back and responded: “My pleasure, miss y/n”.

A big shadow was cast from the building in which the modeling agency was. The beige renaissance building was surrounded by green bushes and a black fence. The big oak entryway had golden lion knockers and an ingraved golden sign. “Eccellente Modeling Agency” it said with bold black letters, contrasting nicely with the gold plate. You rang the doorbell next to the sign and in a matter of seconds the oak gates opened with a loud creak.

“Y/n!! You look stunning as always!” said your manager Bangchan as he hugged you. The smell of his aftershave violated your olfactory sense as usual, making you scrunch your nose. He was always dressed business casual, his white polo shirt and light brown dress pants being a good example but today his poloshirt had a great amount of buttons unbuttoned. 

The both of you made your way into his office. A room with a high ceiling and a chandelier worth more than your career. You sat down in the leather couch across the desk, Bangchan sitting on the other side of it. 

“Give me a moment.... Just pulling up some files for the new photoshoot I’ve planned! I promise, you’re not gonna be disappointed.” he says smiling, the desktop screen reflecting in his brown eyes.

He turns his computer screen towards you. Your eyes scan the pictures that pop up. 

“May I present to you the profile of Hwang Hyunjin. One of the most renowned photographers of this age”. Bangchan looks at you, reading your expression. 

The pictures are truly beautiful. Everything, from the outfits to the lightning was perfect.

“Bangchan, you’re insane” you say, smiling widely as you made eye contact with the dark haired manager. “These pictures are so stunning!” you squeal. “How did you even get in contact with him?”

“Nothing for you to worry about y/n, I have my contacts. I’m a manager after all”. He scoffs whilst scrolling through the profile. The next picture getting better than the previous one.

“So... when is the shoot and what concept have you planned?” you say whilst your eyes are glued to the computer screen. 

“Mr, Hwang works for a multitude of companies but Styliz needed a model for their new pastel collection which I immedietly snatched onto. We all know how beautiful you look in pastels y/n” he said attentively to which you smiled, adoring the interest he has for his work. 

“Oh.. I also cheked your schedule and you seem free tomorrow so how about then?” he added. 

“Yes! I’d love too” you said with a small nod.

“Not that you have much choice, Mr Hwang’s time is worth gold y/n” he laughed and reached for something in his cabinet drawers.

“Here, take this” he said while sliding over a light grey business card.

‘Hwang Hyunjin, Photographer’ was written in dark grey letters. A black border decorating the edges of the card.

♡

The morning sun shined thorugh the curtains blinding you temporarily. You felt after your phone on the nightstand with you hand, your eyes still closed. ‘8:05 am’ the screen showed against the background picture of your family.

You missed them, moving to a different city across the country at the young age of 18 was scary. You’ve aged, that’s for sure but you still missed them dearly. Dragging your lifeless body to the shower you hope for a day with happiness whilst the warm water hits your bare skin. It was a big day after all. A photoshoot with photographer Hwang Hyunjin. “Me... on Hyunjins work? It must be a dream...” you thought, grabbing the towel hanging on the cold, silver rack.

You dryed off your thick hair with a light pink towel with one hand whilst the other hand held your phone. “I have to look at his photos again” you thought, tapping on the Instagram icon and typing “Hwang Hyunjin” in the search bar, hoping and praying that his work was published on the social media platform.

“@ photographerHwang” was the first result to pop up and you tapped it instantly being just as surprised as you were yesterday of the beauty that his photos carried. Bumping into the table on your way to the kitchen you noticed a different photo on his feed. It didn’t look like any of the other photos because it was a selfie. You dropped your towel on the floor. No... it can’t be him... or could it?

His face looked like a work of art. Not only was the photo nicely edited with warm light emitting from your screen but the person was even more eyecatching. “It’s probably one of his models” you though as you placed your phone on the kitchen counter and grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge.

But what if it’s really him?

♡

You threw on a grey hoodie and biker shorts before you flew out to the taxi waiting for you outside the apartment. 

“Sorry for keeping you waiting sir! Here!” you said while panting, quickly pulling up a text message you got from Bangchan sharing the location of the photoshoot. 

“Please, Miss y/n! No need to apologize” laughed the middle aged taxi driver softly. You were now on your way to the shoot. 

Your brain was scattered. One part of you hoped that Mr Hwang really was the boy you saw on his instagram. His long, blond locks slightly covering his sharp jaw. His skin clear as day and rosy lips plump like two rose petals. The other part shut everything down, convinced that it’s one of his models that happened to be to your liking. 

You opened his instagram page again. 

“He must be famous for his perfect features...” you said under your breath, staring at his lips.

The whole taxi ride was filled with thoughts of him, whoever he was. 

“Soon there miss y/n” the taxi driver said after 10 minutes of driving. The taxi slowed down and looking outside the window you saw Bangchan standing infront of a building that looked similar to the agency building. You waved slightly and he waved back at you.

You turned around to the driver and said; “Thank you so much sir”, giving him a generous tip and exiting the vehicle. A warm breeze latches on to you, making your hair flutter in the motions of the wind.

“Y/n! Perfectly on time” Bangchan said and hugged you.

You hugged him back, asking him about his day so far to which he responded;

“Good but going to be even better after this legendary photoshoot is done and we have the most perfect photos taken by the most influential photographer!” he sounded like a little child in a candy shop.

Your ears heated up due to his words and you smiled slightly.

“Let’s go to the second floor and get your outfit and makeup ready. A introduction with Styliz manager won’t be needed since he already knows your delightful personality” he laughed at his corny remarks and you did the same.

“You seem even more excited than me” you remarked, pressing the elevator button.

“When you see the end result you will be floored” Bangchan said and winked at you. 

The elevator clanged. “Second floor”. The metal doors slided open. The eyes of a dozen stylists and makeup artists caught onto you. A slightly potbellied man in a navy colored suit approached you.

“Y/n! I’m so happy to see work with you again.” His voice was hoarse due to his age but his personality being the total opposite. You knew him well since Styliz’s chief was one of the first to offer you a modeling job in a foreign city, you only being a teenager with a big dreams at the time.

“Mr. Styliz! It’s lovely to meet you again” you smiled and sat down in a makeup chair, a girl with blond hair and big hoop earrings starting to brush powder across your nose. You saw Bangchans figure leave behind a door in the reflection of the mirror. 

“Mr. Styliz, might I ask you a question?” You regretted the words as soon as the came out of your mouth. You didn’t need more information about the mysterious boy you saw on Hwang’s instagram page but you simply had to know who is was. 

“Well of course y/n” said Mr. Styliz, his warm breath touched your cheek as he stood right by your side, smelling of morning coffee and looking at you through the mirror. 

“Could I please get more information about Mr.Hwang?” you said, making eye contact with the old man. 

“y/n, you’ll meet him soon! Then you can ask him how much you would like about his life but I must warn you... He is quite the secretive type”. The coffee breath was accentuated as he laughed.

You tried to play along, laughing a fake laugh as the hair designer started to brush out your locks. A wave of embarrassment washed through you. 

The lights of the makeup mirror were getting hot, tiny sweat drops beading on your forehead which the makeup artist wiped off. 

“We are done, Miss y/n” said the makeup artist, her earrings reflecting the light in the studio. You thanked her and saw Bangchan standing at the door where the cameras were. 

“y/n, not much time left. Please go down the hallway and into the second door on your left, the stylist is in there fixing your outfit”. One reason as to why you loved Bangchan as your manager was his calm temper. Even in a time crunch, he always made sure to talk to you in a serene tone. After years in the modeling industry you still couldn’t get used to the ill-tempered staff. Too many times you had been forcefully dragged down corridors and streets whilst they muttered swear words at you. Even thinking about it sends shivers down your spine. 

Your shoes tapped the white linoleum as you made your way down the narrow hallway, knocking on the second door to your left just as Bangchan said. 

A familiar voice said; “Come in!” to which you turned the golden doorknob on  the white wooden door. The tall figure was rummaging in a big plastic container filled with clothes but upon your arrival the figure greeted you with warm eyes. 

“No way!! It’s y/n!” screeched Jisung. He pulled you in to a hug, his belt buckle hit your stomach through the grey hoodie. 

Jisung was a stylist and worked closely with Mr. Styliz therefore you’d gotten close to him. Not only did you like him for his exquisite fashion sense which had a whole different concept each time you saw him but also for his friendliness, always being polite. 

“I’ve missed you so much Jisungie” you said with a pout. 

“I though it was onesided but I guess not haha”

“Don’t be silly! How could I not miss that smile of your Sungie?” you hit him playfully on the arm to which he blushed. 

“Go behind that  and I’ll throw some clothes for you.” he pointed at the wooden divider standing in the corner of the white room filled with clothes racks and colorful clothing. 

You started undressing behind the divider and suddenly a pile of clothing was thrown on your head over the divider. You heard Jisung snicker at the yelp that came out of your mouth as you drowned in the clothes

“Jisung, you are so dead when I’m done” you said whilst putting on the last details to the outfit.

“I’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry” he said pleadingly while laughing hysterically. 

You stood on the podium infront of the full lenght mirrors in the room as Jisung observed you and pinned the clothes slightly. 

“Not gonna lie, it’s looks really good on you. The pastels matches perfectly with your skintone.” Jisung looked on the pleaded white skirt you had on. 

You looked in the mirror and shook your head in agreement. The pastel purple sweater with the white collar poking out made you look youthful and innocent. You had on patent mary jane shoes in the same purple color as your sweater. The white kneesocks were slipping down as you moved slightly, almost looking like a school girl as you bend down to lift the socks up. 

“Do you like it?” Jisung looked at you through the reflection on the mirror, standing on the floor making him a head shorter than you. 

“Yea! You’ve never given me a bad outfit Sungie, they’re always adorable. My favorite stylist but don’t tell that to Bangchan” you smirked to which Jisung laughed.

♡

“y/n, Jisung did a great job! You fit the concept to a tee” Bangchan stood infront of two wide dark green doors which led to the photostudio. He smiled shyly and pushed the doors open, a bright white light blinding you as you stepped in.

You squinted and held your hand infront of your eyes as you entered the studio, the air stuffy from all the white boxlights that have been working for a while.

“Miss y/n is here now, Mr. Hwang” Bangchan announced.

Your eyes felt blurry and the lights created a bokeh effect, your vision feeling like a filter. The first thing you saw was him. Hwang Hyunjin.

The shock froze your feet in one position. It was him. The selfie was Hyunjin. And he was hotter in real life.

A tall, slender figure stood on one foot, the other one behind his leg with the tip of the shoe pointing towards the floor. 

“Are you ready, miss y/l/n?”.

His voice was sweeter than honeysuckle, you melted upon hearing him speak. Bangchan looked at you confused when you didn’t move, just observing the presence of the blonde boy infront of you. 

“y/n?” Bangchan had a worried expression on his face as your face broke out in a massive blush. 

“yeah..uh-mm..yes” you only managed to get that out before you were infront of the camera. 

His willowy fingers wrapped around the black Canon camera, it fit perfectly in his hands as if it was made for him. You gulped upon seeing the veins that ran up his exposed arms, the white shirt bunched up by his elbows. 

“Everything good miss? You seem distant” he said in that raspy but sweet voice. 

“Uhm...yeah totally..” you looked awkward with your hands by your side as you saw Bangchan observing you with a confused gaze. 

“Please tilt your head to the right and stand broad with your feet” Hyunjin commanded to which you complied. The flash of the big studio lights didn’t effect you as much anymore since you were used to this but what did effect you was how concentrated Hyunjin looked. Like a true photographer. It was obvious that he enjoyed his job by the way his eyes shined when he looked at the monitor and corrected every detail. Luckily you could stare at his figure all that you wanted since it looked like you were keeping eye contact with the camera and not him. Glancing over to the left of the photographer you saw Bangchan smiling his bright smile, signaling that he’s proud over you. 

Flash

Flash

And another flash before Hyunjin looked at the monitor displaying the photos he just took, a smirk crept onto his face. 

“Good job y/l/n. Could you please grab that chair over there and sit on the edge of it?” he said whilst pointing towards a small wooden stool. Reacting instantly to his soft voice and gestures you pulled the stool towards the x on the ground, making sure you were in frame. 

“One leg over the other” Hyunjin said without even looking towards you, his pale veiny hands were now twisting and turning some buttons on both the camera and monitor. You shook your head up and down slightly in agreement before doing as told and as Hyunjin turned back his chocolatey brown eyes landed on yours. Now it was impossible to hide your burning cheeks, Hyunjin noticed since he laughed stiffly before grabbing the camera off the camera stand and going down on one knee to capture an angle from below. Numerous amounts of sparks from the big box lights were emitted and after every spark Hyunjin turned around to the screen which displayed your figure. Staring at him you smiled slowly, feeling your heart beat faster. Why do I feel like this by just looking at him? Your head was clouded with millions of other thoughts. Just as you started tuning out the room Hyunjin clapped his hands hard, the sound ringing in your ears. You jumped slightly which made Bangchan laugh.

“All done! Nice work everybody” Hyunjin announced loudly before bowing down to the other staff members in the room and to you as well. You returned his gesture by a slight bow of the head and quickly scurried of to Bangchan, your face hot.

“Are you sure you’re not ill?” Bangchan said softly before putting the back of his hand towards your forehead. Shaking your head from side to side you pushed his hand away. 

“No, I’m fine... just so hot with the box lights you know?” you laughed fumblingly, not knowing where to rest your gaze. 

You felt someone tap you on your left shoulder and you almost fainted when you turned around. Hyunjin was standing three footsteps from you, the scent of his cologne making you swoon. He smiled as he saw your shy expression and sparkling eyes.

“I though that it must have been hot, here have this”

He casually held out a waterbottle which you received with both hands as a gesture of thankfulness. 

“y/n, I’m just gonna head off to Jisung to discuss something. Meet me at the changing rooms in about 10, ok?” Bangchan said, slightly leaning towards your ear. 

“Yeah, see you in 10!” you said while the managers back disappeared through the broad doors of the studio. Turning back to Hyunjin his blond locks were draped infront of his eyes and as he spoke he tucked those light pieces behind his ear, revealing his small silver hoop earrings.

“I’m gonna pack up the cords now but it was a pleasure to work with you, miss y/l/n” 

The corners of your mouth went upwards at his formality.

“Please, call me y/n” you said quietly, being too shy to look him in the eyes.

“Sure, see you around y/n” Hyunjin said as he lifted up his hand to shake yours. His lanky fingers were filled with bold rings, many of which were designer. A slight panic rushed through your mind as you didn’t want to scare him away with your clammy hands. The sweaty hands and the churning of your stomach was all due to Hyunjin nearness. Hesitantly you streched the tips of your fingers against the blond haired boy and his hand emitted warmth when being met with your fingertips. He smiled before turning back, his eyes forming into half moons as charming dimples errupted on his lean cheeks.

You bowed to the other staff members on your way out of the building on your way to meet Bangchan and Jisung in the changing room. The waterbottle in your hand almost slipped as you took another clunck of the fresh water and that’s when you noticed something. Stopping in the hallway where the stylists room was located you inspected the waterbottle and saw a black marker scribble on the wrapper around the bottle. Upon removing it your heart stopped. Your knees could give up at any moment from the sheer shock. Am I losing my mind? A number was loosely doodled on the white plastic wrapper and underneath it there was a message. 

Call me 

// Hyunjin

𝕋𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

@vogueinnie @that-anxious-bisexual @putmetogetheragain13 @hyunsluvv @lawleighette @meow-minho @minaamhh @ohmysparkle @hwangi @rindomo​ @fleeingreality @nycol-ie @jisungsplatforms

[crab-in-a-pocket]

reserved farmer headcanons + meeting the bachelors for the first time!

wanted to make some generally reserved farmer headcanons to kick off this blog and bc i see a lot of very friendly farmers out there and i... am not one of them LMAO

additionally, there's reference to a supposed volatile relationship with a (former?) loved one (projection time!)

also i forgot to open my askbox bc idk how to tumblr ?? i think it's open now (i hope).

tw: drinking and alcoholism, references to past trauma, one Bad Word (sh^t!)

when you first meet everyone, it's a quiet greeting and maybe a witty remark, but you don't stay for any chit-chat

close-lipped smiles are your signature move, along with the Man Nod whenever you run into someone

you are, of course, a nice and courteous person but you don't feel the need to say hello to everyone every damn time you pass by them because, really, you're too busy rushing to Pierre's for some seeds or lugging around foraged beach stuff

okay, maybe some of them think you're a little cold and an introvert who has... problems

but you're not! you are a strong and emotionally stable farmer who gets Shit Done and prefers to observe over participate and think over talk!

mayor lewis is extremely puzzled and almost mistakes you for someone else-- it's been over a decade and people change too much, too soon. he makes a remark about a wishing well your grandfather had built long ago (remember the well? how you fell in it that one time?) and you nod along politely (i didn't fall, i climbed in because i desperately needed my wish to come true)

it's nice to meet people who aren't as temperemental as the tides. maybe, for once, you could have a proper relationship with someone.

alex

easily the most annoying and extroverted person in town what with his obsession with sports and loud, brash personality but you two get along fabulously because you had that same passion for gridball in college before you were too busy being a corporate slave

he's a little surprised that you sit next to him at the saloon but he goes along easily and the conversation flows between the two of you easily, ranging from future plans (thinking of going pro... think i'll make it?) to the weather without sounding like you're making fake smalltalk (i wanted to play pro, too, and here i am now. if you really want it, you'll have to leave this all behind)

there's something genuine about him that's intriguing and it leaves you wanting to find out and see what the real alex is like inside because you can see through that wall he's made

and there's something enigmatic about you, who is reserved and quiet and seems to be a simple open book, when in fact, you are a very attractive onion with many, many layers

sam

you think he's immature. a wildchild, a manchild, a wildmanchild, really. sam, on the other hand, is drawn in by your calmness and how in-control you appear to be-- when you offer to play a game of pool when sebastian doesn't show up, he's delighted at the opportunity to know you better

okay, so he is immature and a wildmanchild but there is a softness in him that surprises you every time he shows it-- which is frequently around you

he has a soft smile to counteract his proud one and he's so in awe of how you get so much stuff done every day (i don't know how you do it, that's gotta be tough), every week, and every month (you'd like the responsibility, i think. to me, it's one big project i need to finish)

he has instant crush on you because you're so cool even though your line of profession really doesn't evoke much awe. i mean, you're  attractive, you are so in control of your life, and you have a really cute smile whenever he compliments you-- how could he not?

shane

bit bold of you to sit next to him at the saloon because every knows he's can be a real asshole, but he glances at you with a hint of awe and more than a hint of annoyance. you elect to ignore this and choose to order a whisky on the rocks (if you don't drink, call it apple juice)

whisky: shane's a touch impressed because you look like a lightweight. well, it's nice that someone can hold their liquor. he makes a remark about it (planning on getting drunk, huh?) and you raise a brow at him, looking a little haughty and tell him that it's your drink for the week. he's annoyed at your remark and starts an argument that surprisingly, settles down into a civil conversation

apple juice: he snorts at that and makes a remark about meeting penny for your lessons the next day. you play along and sip at your drink, making witty remarks (thank yoba for hangovers. it's the non-drinker's edge, really. just like not having liver failure). he's not sure if he should be annoyed or impressed at your cool-as-a-cucumber personality, not sure if it's too big city or too closed-off

you offer to buy him a pizza if you can take a away his beer-- at any rate, he looks like he'll end up with liver failure the way he's going. shane aquiesces and devours the entire pizza. your conversation is slow and punctuated with his loud chewing but you're pleasantly suprised that he's quite smart and well-read about whatever you're interested in

the fourth time you sit next to him, he turns down your pizza and doesn't say a word. neither do you and it's almost like it's back to square one until you realize that he hasn't made a single salty remark about anything. you decide to try again the day after tomorrow-- nothing comes too quickly to people like you and shane.

sebastian

it was the necklace you wore that caught his eye. a shining teardrop stone hanging off a gleaming silver chain. he had spoken before he could stop himself and watched as you smiled and told him he was right-- it is supposed to be a Yeti's tear.

you're pleased to meet someone who is also a homebody and a touch more reserved than a lot of other people in town. he's easy to get along with (oh, you're kidding, you really have the signed edition?) and he's got pretty good taste when it comes to literature-- after all, who can refuse a good sci-fi book? (of course i do, i'm dedicated fan)

oddly enough, your conversation is quick and eager and not all reserved. instead of the companionable silence everyone assumes you two to have, you two nearly talk over each other because you finally have someone to complain to about everyone's over-friendliness and he finally has someone who understands what it's like to be trapped in a small world

you tease him about the corporate rat race and he fires back at you about being a part of it. you like sebastian and he likes you-- it's as simple as that.

elliot

he had heard of you through leah who had heard of you through emily who had heard of you through gus who had heard of you from lewis. it was a long grapevine and he's not sure how much of the truth was preserved and it's almost a relief to meet you because, to be frank, he's tired of being the town's newcomer.

first-- you're not peppy and overly cheerful at all. second, you are definitely not hot-tempered. and third, there's something so fascinating about you, something hidden under your calm, pragmatic character. he finds a kindred spirit in you, save for the flowery words and, admittedly, the vanity.

you're amused to meet a writer living on the beach. the cabin was built by one of your grandfather's old friends, a rather surly man who had taken a liking to you when you were much younger. while the hut is in no way fancy, you can't help but consider how pretentious and, contrastingly, humble the writer must be. pretentious in such a way that he thinks living in a sandy, damp shack is a way to beat writer's block (it's odd, it's rarely a choice people make) and humble in such a way that he accepts and bears with living in a worn house with little complaint (it's admirable, if not a little silly!)

you find yourself in his company late at night when you can't sleep and it's so easy to open up to him because he's kind, he listens, and most importantly, he's not embarassed to admit he's got faults, at least to you. you let him see past your collected facade and into your cracked heart far sooner than you think and elliot doesn't mind at all

harvey

you might be the most mysterious person in town simply because of the way you present yourself. he finds himself always stuttering a little whenever you're around because of the way you watch him, set in a relaxed stance, your gaze flat and cool. later, he realizes that it's your resting face. he wonders about what you'd look like if you smiled-- really smiled

he's touched at the fact that you buy him coffee whenever he had to patch you up-- which is frequently, given your liking for the mines. you're adorable when he gives you general anesthesia. he had run out of local anesthesia and you needed a fair amount of stitches and though you told him that you have a high pain tolerance (stitches are far more painful than you think. i really don't want to put you through that), he insisted and you let him (fine, fine. get on with it, doctor). you had let out several inappropriate jokes under anesthesia and your cheeks had hurt from laughing non-stop

harvey's entranced. there's no other way to put it-- he's bewitched by your bright character hiding under that collected facade. he never pries for your secrets because he's got secrets, too. you like harvey because he's sweet and compassionate and even though he has to put up a firm, professional affectation, he wears his heart on his sleeve.

you see him as a friend at first, all platonic and it seems to be the end of it. but one day, as you hand him a coffee, he laughs and smiles and hands you a coffee just the way you like it. you're falling for him so hard and fast you think someone's put a spell on you that makes you notice the minute expressions on his face and mull over the way he talks to you. you're in love with him-- you can only hope he feels the same way too

[dobrikburrito]

great expectations, d.d.

words: 2.4k

Write something about david surprising his girlfriend with a surprise trip to like hawaii cos its her dream vacation and when the vlog goes up people compare it to the vacation dav and liza took and it makes her upset and her cheers her up. ( She wasnt a public figure and people didnt think they should be together)

disclaimer: angst & fluff. david being cute af. 

⠀ 

“Okay, give it to me.” You sat down by the corner of his bed, putting both of your hands out and closing your eyes. You smiled to yourself. “That’s what she said.”

David burst out laughing. “Can you be serious for one minute?”

“You’re one to talk,” You opened your eyes and gave him a dirty look. “By the way, I just want to say on the record that David promised that nothing gross was about to happen here. I wanted to put this out there so he can be held accountable if I have a heart attack.”

David couldn’t stop laughing, so he pointed the camera to himself. “I did promise that, unfortunately, so I had to put the anaconda away.”

“That’s what she said.” You laughed and slapped yourself. “Bad (Y/N). Alright, me-serious. Go.”

“You know how our friends say we’re really annoying with the whole anniversary every month?” David started and you nodded. “So, I had this really fun idea, which actually makes me a genius.”

“Show off.” You commented under your breath and he chuckled.

“So I decided to combine our fourth month anniversary with your birthday and…” David put two plane tickets on your hands.

You looked at David, confused and then took one second to read the tickets. Your mouth instantly dropped. “What the fuck? Oh sorry.” David laughed. “Wait, are you serious? Is this real?”

“Yes, baby!” David was loving how shocked and paralyzed you were. “This says Hawaii in it.” You commented, looking at it, trying to find any clues that it was a fake ticket for a prank.

David turned the camera to himself. “She’ll get there, just give her a minute.”

“Are we going to Hawaii?” You looked at your boyfriend, puppy eyes and jaw to the floor.

“Yeap, we’re spending 7 days in a mansion in Hawaii.” David told you and the new information just hit you even harder?

“What the fuck?” You were looking away, shocked. David burst out laughing again.

Cut to you guys on the plane, first class tickets, with a fake flower on your ear, being all excited and childish. David ordered two glasses of champagne for the both of you.

“This is literally so extra,” You laughed, posing as some fancy old lady, then doing a british accent. “David, dear, would you please take care of my ponies for the summer. I’m spending it in my mansion in Dubai. I miss my liquid gold pool.”

“Why are you british?” David was laughing so much.

“I’m not talking like Dom to try and look fancy, silly.” You joked around, then smiling to your boyfriend.

You arrived to Hawaii, rented a porsche, headed to the rental house in Kamuela. David filmed you driving there, your hair flying on the wind, loving how big the smile on your face was. The drive was about 50 minutes, which earned some shots from the road, the two of you singing to Ariana’s songs and being overall weirdos.

David filmed your whole reaction to the massive mansion just for the two of you. Feelings every feeling known to man at once, you couldn’t help the tears of happiness when you saw how beautiful everything was. It had an infinity pool, a jacuzzi, a green big yard, enormous rooms with an amazing view to the sea and sunset. David didn’t want to tell you the day price of the rental at first, but you managed to get it out of him, shocked when he told you it was US$1.5k for the night.

It was a lot of money, but you made a 7-days schedule to enjoy the most of it and have so much footage for his vlogs that the trip would end up paying itself. Honestly, you were always amazed by how David never really thought twice about spending money on you and making sure that he was doing it because he loved to. Rarely spending on himself, this was just as rewarding to him.

The next three vlogs were filled with the funniest moments of you guys snorkeling, golfing, hiking, sightseeing, watching cultural concerts, doing surf lessons (which turned out horribly), visiting local markets even going on a helicopter ride, even though you were scared to death of the height. 

On the fourth day, you woke up before David did. You just took one moment to watch him sleep, so peacefully, next to you. You knew how lucky you were to have him in your life, but not because he was a successful youtuber or because he had money. When you met him, randomly at a friend’s friend party, you didn’t even knew who he was and you loved him instantly, his humor and charm sweeping you off your feet.

Even though you weren’t a public figure nor ever was used to having cameras around, you got used to it, compromising for your relationship with him, knowing how this was basically his entire life.

“You know I can feel you staring at me, right, creep?” David said, eyes still closed but a little smirk lurking in his lips.

“I’m trying to decide when to murder you, that’s all.” You softly joked as you ran your fingertips over his cheeks. David loved your dark humor and laughed to himself, taking your hand and kissing it.

“Good morning my favorite serial killer.” He lazily opened his eyes.

“Good morning pretty boy.” You gave him a long peck on the lips. “Did I tell you how much I love you yet?”

“Not today, no.” David snuggled closer to you, humming happily when you started caressing his hair.

“I do. I love how you do that little smile with your tongue hanging and how no matter what you do to your hair, it always kinda looks both great and like you’re turning into a mad scientist.” David chuckled, hiding his face on your neck. “I love how you’re always looking to hold my hand, even when you don’t realize it.”

“Tell me more,” David gave you a sweet kiss on the neck.

“I love how you respect and love me. How you look at me with those shiny brown eyes and how those are the reason I never can’t get mad at you, which by itself makes me mad.” You sighed, then laughed. “And how selfless you are, how much you care for your friends even if sometimes you try to not to show it too much.”

“You wanna know what I love about you?” David looked up at you, his hair looking like he was definitely a mad scientist, which instantly made you chuckle. “I love your butt.”

You burst out laughing, putting your hand on his face. “Asshole, I was here pouring my heart out like a good old Todd Smith poem and you do me like that.” David chuckled for a good minute, hiding his face again and holding you tight. “My butt is pretty good, I guess.”

David nodded and you pulled his hair. “Ouch, (Y/N), the fuck.” He looked back at you. “Wait, do it again.” You rolled your eyes and tried to let go of him, only earning you deathly tickles. 

Since his next posting day was tomorrow, you reserved half the day for David to edit some of the footage of the trip to post. The video was up early in the morning, after long hours of editing, so through the first couple of hours since the video was up, David was asleep on your bed.

Curiosity always got the best of you and you checked the video again, loving the whole montages and fun moments, but your attention soon focusing on the mean comments.

Can someone make an edit with all the same scenes from this vlog and David and Liza’s vlog in Hawaii? lol

Someone tell David he found a gold digger, plz.

She’s trying too hard to replace Liza, never gonna happen hun.

Who’s gonna tell her the minute Liza calls David will drop her ass? lmao

All this money dropping on what’s-her-name. Not even that pretty tbh.

Damn she must have a top sex game to whip him up like that.

How’s it like being a long-ass rebound for David while Liza is away?

This is literally the same trip he did with Liza wtf

David can do so much better she doesn’t deserve him

I kinda like her but she’s clearly after his clout

Every word was a knife to the heart, over and over and over again. It broke your heart how much comparison there was between you and Liza, and how come most of his fans never accepted you. This wasn’t the first time you read mean comments, but this time it was deeper. They knew exactly how to hurt you.

You were sitting by yourself by the porch, looking out of the amazing view of Hawaii, a dream come true for you. Wrapped up in a small blanket, you couldn’t help but cry to yourself. The feeling you had is that your relationship was doomed for the start and that you’d never live up to his fans’ expectations because you simply wasn’t Liza.

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.” David made his way towards you.

You quickly cleaned the running tears, knowing it wasn’t doing much, since your face was read and swollen. David was taken aback by the sudden change of pace.

“Wow, (Y/N), are you okay? What happened?” Sitting by your side in the porch chair, his brows were furrowed, worried. 

“Nothing, sweetie. I’m just thinking about everything and feeling so happy about this trip and how much I don’t deserve you for being so amazing.” You were a terrible liar and he knew you pretty well.

“I appreciate the compliments, but I don’t like when you lie to me.” David caressed your thigh, comforting. “We don’t keep secrets, remember?”

“I’m going to be fine, I promise. I just need one moment.” You laughed and cleaned the tears again.

“(Y/N).” That was all he said.

You sighed, knowing you wouldn’t get out of this so easily. Deciding to comply, you read him all the youtube comments you had read. David tried to speak in between, but you stopped him until you went through all of it. His hands slid through his face in frustration.

“I’m so sorry you have to go through this, baby.” He held your hand. “You don’t deserve this kind of hate. This is all my fault. I should’ve kept our relationship to ourselves.”

“This is not your fault. I love our relationship and I love our dynamic and somehow you made me love being in the vlogs. You know I support you no matter what, but I feel like I’m facing a war and losing everyday. No matter what I do, I’ll never be Liza. They’ll never accept me for me. I’ll always live down to unreachable expectations because I’m not famous nor funny enough or pretty enough or skinny enough.”

“You know I don’t care about any of that, isn’t that enough?” David’s heart was shattered by watching you cry like that, seeing how much you were hurting.

You caressed his hand with your thumb and smiled to yourself, though still sad. “Dave, when you introduced me to your life, I had no idea what any of this meant. You taught me a lot about how your life works and I adapted, because I wanted this, us. It’s so hard to be used to the cameras, the need for content, the clickbait, but I did it because I love you. You’re always enough for me, but I know I feel like I’m not enough for you.”

“(Y/N), don’t say that…” His eyes were starting to tear up.

“No, it’s okay. I understand. This is a big part of your life, it’s your career. You’d never ask me to give up on my job or personal dreams, neither would I.” You took a deep breath. “But I try to be strong and… T-to try and ignore all the hate, but it’s just so many comments. Instagram, youtube, twitter. The good ones are so rare.”

David didn’t know what to say. Your tears were rolling down your face again. “I know I shouldn’t look at it, but it’s stronger than me. I just wanted them to give me one real chance, you know?”

“Come here.” He said, pulling you up for a tight hug. “I know this sucks and it’s hurting you and I hate it, because you’re amazing and you don’t deserve any of this.” He caressed your hair. “You wanna know what I love about you? Besides your butt, I mean.”

You looked up and chuckled lightly. David cleaned the tears away.

“I love that you always check me when I’m being an idiot. You always give me your honest opinion. You treat my friends like family. You stay up late with me when I’m editing even if you sleep by the couch with me, because you don’t want me to be alone.” David caressed your cheeks. “You have the prettiest smile and seeing it instantly makes me happy, no matter what. You motivate me and inspire me. I love how you cook for me and how you’re always talking with my mom, letting her know I’m being healthy. How much my parents and siblings love you.”

You sighed, happy. You gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

“I love how you make me think about having kids, because I often see how much of a great mom you’d be. I love planning with you, surprising you, thinking about our future together, because I know that if I wanted to drop this whole thing tomorrow, you’d be there for me.” David kissed you again. “You’ll never be Liza and I love you for it, because I don’t want you to be. I want you to be you, because that’s who I fell madly in love with.”

“Oh my God. I’m crying more now, stupid. Look what you did.” Chuckling softly, you hugged him tight again. He returned the hug.

“I’m sorry these haters keep hurting you, but I promise I’ll be here to kick their ass and assure you that you’re absolutely amazing, okay?” David pointed out.

You nodded, overwhelmed by how much you loved that boy. “I love you, stupid.” You smiled.

“I love you too, dumbass.” David smiled and kissed all over your face.

[saranel]

Tagging @mags-duranb, who asked (thank you for the interest btw, it was super sweet. Also, I love your art <3333) :)  I was gonna make a post anyway, but I wanted it to be a timeline photoset hence why I’m not replying directly.

I thought it was about time I gave you guys a nice long update on the purrito, since we have now officially reached 2 months of age as of yesterday!

To answer the requester’s question, SHE is doing just fine xD  That’s right, when we visited the vet about a week ago for the second round of shots, we got visible proof (or rather lack thereof) that we have a little girl in our hands.  This was only a couple of days before I made an insta post announcing the official name, because of course it was. Way to embarass me, kiddo.

So I’d like to introduce you all to Buffy, because hello, so dang pretty, look at that last pic that was taken only yesterday, and she’s also pretty fearless and resourceful, though not necessarily highly intelligent xD  Not a vampire slayer, but an ankle slayer for sure.  I generally post updates on her every couple of days on instagram.

Oh, and, just as a final note on the whole name thing, yes, we still call her purrito from time to time, as well as a thousand other nicknames ;) 

So! On to the update (and an extra... suprise?¿¿??) below the cut:

Buffy’s issues with food have gotten a lot better.  She used to be vicious about meals, meowing and pleading hours before her feeding time.  At first we thought we were perhaps feeding her too little, so we followed the general advice everyone gives re: how much to feed kittens, which is to say we just let her eat her fill.  She did not stop until her belly was so distended I had to physically drag her bowl away.  So we decided to slowly increase her intake whenever we saw she started to get skinny.  Which, given her Longcat status, was so. damn. OFTEN.  Seriously, if she looks malnourished in some pics, I assure you she’s not.  She just grows and grows like a damn weed.

Lately, however, since her weight has reached a healthy plateau, she’s gotten much better about food.  No screaming, no scratching, and she doesn’t really complain before feeding time anymore.  She still follows us whenever we dare visit the kitchen, but hey, it could be worse xD

Something I’ve never mentioned here is that when we first found her, her whiskers were very short and stubby, which we originally attributed to her being very young.  But eventually, we noticed that not only were her brow whiskers much longer, there was a lone whisker next to the stubby ones that was regular-sized, and the shorter ones looked almost... manually cut, if that wakes sense.  A bit of research led us to find out that sometimes, littermates may do this to a runt (bite them off) when they’re competing for mom’s milk, which... not only makes my heart ache for our little buddy, it starts to put her whole attitude toward food into perspective.

Long story short, we were prepared for the possibility that she may forever have issues with food, but she’s been improving constantly.

Other than the food issue, Buffy has grown into a happy, healthy kitty :) She’s up to date on her shots, and we took her to the vet only last week where we got nothing but good news.  

She’s very attached to us, especially me since I work from home and basically see her all day, and though she doesn’t complain and yowl when she’s left alone, she is super cuddly when we return home.  

Given her age, she’s incredibly playful to the point that we get more exhausted playing with her than she does xD She likes climbing all over the place and exploring everything within reach, always looking for new ‘lairs’ and stuffing her butt into every nook and cranny, she loves to chew on cables (which has led us to do some highly creative concealing) and often engages in what we call ‘Crab Dancing’ when she gets excited/territorial during playtime:

( I *****MAY***** have edited this.  Slightly.  For my own amusement.  It’s kinda soporific if you stare at it for too long)

We were glad to see she takes to new (human) acquaintances very well, and she hasn’t (yet) started wreaking havoc in our apartment.  She, has, however,  gotten very bitey during playtime, and it’s ALWAYS playtime, so we’re trying to encourage her to bite on toys instead of our fingers: it’s a sloooooooooow process.  There’s also the possibility that she’s teething a bit early so she’s just constantly looking for relief.  We’ve bought her a few special chew toys that should arrive shortly, and hopefully they’ll help.  Even if it’s still early for her, hey, new toys, amirite? xD

Still, she never lashes out to us in anger/anxiety, not even when we gave her a bath where she was visibly distressed (yes, I know it’s not necessary for cats, but we’d never cleaned her with anything but pet wipes since we rescued her; she needed at least one) and yet she never tried to scratch or bite us.  TL;DR she’s mischievous, but not aggressive outside of playtime.

She’s super long for her age and will most likely be a pretty long kitty when she reaches maturity.  Seriously, y’all, Longcat 2.0:

( USB stick for size comparison, lol )

I’m still bummed my theory that she was part Van doesn’t seem to be true (in my defense, she has something very similar to the characteristic Van spot on her nape!), but hey, less shedding xD She also has a permanent bald spot on her spine now (as we knew she would), where the vet had given her that shot that saved her life back when she got sick.

She’s a sweet little doofus, who thinks she’s really a parrot and likes to perch on our shoulder, and meows the whole time I’m in the kitchen because how dare someone in this household eat when she’s not eating too, and when I ignore her grey-green supplicating eyes she just curls up over my foot while I wash the dishes, and she constantly gets tangled up in our legs and waits for us behind closed doors, and she’s a friggin’ Duracell battery who does.not.tire, and she  tosses half the litter out when she digs, and she loves to take naps with us cuddled right over our chests so our heartbeat can lull her to sleep, and we love her.

Here’s to the next two months :)

Size comparison below, using my hand in both pics.  Then and now :)

Addendum:

Edit: You can keep on reading, but the story has a sad ending, unfortunately :(  

The above was the post I had prepared and was going to post yesterday on Buffy’s 2 month ‘birthday,’ so I’ve left it intact.  However, I would be remiss if I didn’t add this latest development:

For a while now, we’ve been discussing how to deal with Buffy’s inexhaustible energy levels, because we do have other responsibilities, all of whom also require a good night’s sleep, which as you may imagine, has been a bit rare lately.  There’s this saying that the only one who can keep up with a kitten is another kitten, but we were very reluctant to adopt another one, since we’re currently dealing with an imminent move and we weren’t sure if we could even afford it.

Well...................

I found and rescued Buffy.  My partner found and rescued this little guy yesterday:

Five things here:

1) NO THIS WAS NOT PLANNED THIS IS SO BEYOND UNPLANNED I’M WFSJKLSDFJSKDHFSDKJ

2) MY PARTNER DIDN’T EVEN FIND HIM IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD HE WAS VISITING HIS MOM ASJKFDHLSADGHFDDFAS

3) WE SERIOUSLY DON’T KNOW IF WE’RE KEEPING HIM.  SERIOUSLY.L

4) YEAH I KNOW YOU CAN’T REALLY SEE MUCH LMAO EVEN HIS WHISKERS ARE BLACK JFC BUT I DIDN’T WANNA SCARE HIM SO I DIDN’T USE FLASH

5) 31 FUCKIN YEARS WITH NO KITTENS AND NOW TWQO, TWO KITTENS WTFFFFFFFF ITS RAINING KITTENS PRAISE BE TO BASTET i guess?? wtffffffffff

*breathes into a paper bag*

I’m going to be even more reluctant to make any grand claims than I was when we found Buffy, because this little dude (this one is a dude, indeed) is in pretty bad shape.  Though she’d been abandoned, Buffy was very clean and hale when we found her, even if she was a bit small and underfed.  

This one though... poor little soot sprite is all skin and bones, he was flea-ridden until we took him to the vet, he’s filthy, he’s terrified and has a bum leg from some sort of accident.  We didn’t even have a plan yesterday when my partner found him, but we figured since we had a lot of leftover milk powder and kitten pate from Buffy, we might as well feed up this little orphan. 

It took some coaxing with a syringe, but he got a bit of milk down which got his appetite going and we were able to feed him some pate.  He actually ate a fair bit, which is encouraging.  We know for a fact he was abandoned by his mom, btw, she’s still roaming around the neighborhood but refusing to tend to him since he’s already older than 4 weeks (maybe 1,5 month old max).  Just two weeks younger than Buffy.  After he got some food down, we took him to our vet, who was reserved but cautiously optimistic even for the leg.  He made us no promises, of course, and he advised we prepare ourselves for the possibility that he might not make it.

We’ve now had him for just under a day and he’s been improving.  He was very scared at first, hissy when I went near him, and the first time I fed him at home, the new environment had stressed him out to the point that I had to use a syringe again to get him to eat.  And yeah, we’ve had to keep him isolated ofc to protect Buffy (and him, omg, she’s literally twice his size in weight, no exaggeration, and most likely a social dunce with other kittes, she would destroy him).  I’ll be able to give him a bath tomorrow afternoon after the 48hr clock on the flea medicine runs out, which is yet another reason we had to isolate him.  Today, he’s been getting less and less reserved around me and he hasn’t needed to be force fed once, he’s been downing pate like no-one’s business.  I weighed him earlier and found he’d gained about 40-50 grams, a number I offer cautiously as both weighings at the vet and today aren’t entirely accurate, because squirmy kitty.  Still, he’s gained weight, even if only a little.   

Buffy can tell something’s up, since we basically had to move her litterbox and feeding area and haven’t let her in that room since.  It’s been... an adjustment xD But she bounces back admirably fast, she didn’t even bat an eyelash at the change; she’s just curious to discover what we’re hiding from her, obviously.  She’s probably heard him meowing, too.

We honestly have no clue what we’ll do with him.  Taking it one day at a time.  He might not make it at all, and even if he does, he may never get along with Buffy, in which case we’ll have to give him away for both their sakes.  I’m not gonna lie, money is a concern.  Research tells me at their age and beyond the cost isn’t prohibiting, not even double that of a single cat.  So if he doesn’t require any costly meds, we can afford him, especially since Buffy can now eat dry food (and so will he in a couple of weeks).  This, again, is all hinging on a) him not having any serious, contagious illnesses, and b) him and Buffy getting along.  In the long run, we know it would be way better for Buffy to have a companion to play and cuddle with, but we have to be realistic and prepare for the worst for now.

Soot sprite is a little cutie, he has the softest, most plaintive meow and there’s even hope for his little leg down the road (though honestly, that’s the last thing that concerns us; even in his current state, he’s perfectly mobile).  His eyes, too, should get better with time if he grows healthier. 

SO WE’LL SEE.  RN I am beyond stressed and reserved, but also kinda hopeful. *sigh*  

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 6: “Like Taking RIce From a Baby” - Gage

JC’S EXIT INTERVIEW

This is my official ode to JC. You are an amazing person and hilarious, and hosting you in Panem was amazing. I feel like shit going into this vote, knowing I had to lie to you and make you feel comfortable. It was probably unnecessary, but I had to make sure that no drama started on your game B tribe. Feel free to yell at me all you want and for what it's worth, I'm sorry. This Bering tribe is my worst Survivor nightmare come to life, because it's filled with all of my friends. I didn't want to lose that tasks challenge, I would've given anything not to. What it came down to was losing one ally in you, versus losing two is Jake and Jessy. My guilty conscience has already screwed Jake over in one game before, and it broke my heart, so I couldn't do it again. You are destined for great things, and I'm destined never to play Survivor again because this sucks.

Me succeeding at chemistry? What is this foreign concept? Steven went to bed at 12K, so the goal is to beat that before I can relax for the night. Can't give the tribe any excuse to get rid of me!

This is a work in progress but I needed to expand on my notes that were already taken. 

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1QYtSQkoVTHbbmz7ygzXrg6H5GeobpzNCWa6EIgpfK7M/edit?usp=sharing

A lot of the alliances are speculation, but I'm working on sussing out different relationships. I also need to find out what kinds of stuff people have from Adventureland, because, I'm paranoid af that if Bering loses again, Jessy might pull an advantage and cause the Malaysians to turn on each other.

I'm waiting for people to start getting dirty and sending home people that will still remain in the game. Right now it's very "all-stars best friends" right now. Like people need to start mixing it up. It's boring seeing a linear fashion in both games. The bigger names are all surviving so who knows what clique will prevail! Also this latest immunity made me want to bash my head off a radiator because it was painfully repetitive. Sure it's for a good cause but honey I wouldn't want to be the poor sod counting up precious rice grains. I'll be putting that website on my blacklist.

everyones so far ahead of me in this challenge like.... im losing this for my team and theyre gonna hate me and im gonna be voted out

You know what? Fuck you Jakey!

I feel extremely bad for all my teammates who spent their whole day playing this damn game. It's such a kick in the teeth. Worse again, it means I'm possibly in a perilous position because I was the lowest scoring member of the tribe. It also sucks because I'm forced into a tribal situation again with Steffen sooner than I expected. I swear this game is out to get me. I don't want to boot anyone off this tribe? Literally this sucks. All the boring cool people survive yet again!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!

What the fuck even is this twist, I can't even comprehend this.  Pat, Steffen and Wes literally spent all day and night doing this damn challenge and WE WON, we got to ask for an award and then suddenly it gets FLIPPED.  Like, this isn't even okay, I mean, if I were in their position I would have flipped it too but who on their tribes even TRIED? 

This is the most disheartening thing ever and I love my Hudson tribe.  I feel like it's going to be me and that feeling SUCKS so hard.  Just WHY.  

In happier news I should have talked about this yesterday but I don't remember if I did or not.  Maybe?  Probably not.  Anywho, I shared the clue Alex gave me before he left with Carson, so hopefully Carson will find something on that adventure I was supposed to be going on.  And hopefully if he finds something he will share it with me and at least tell me what it was he found.  

That could be a fun plus anyway!  Now it's time to make sure I don't go anywhere tomorrow FSLFJ FUCK. 

Drinking game!  Take a shot every time I say the F bomb,  I normally don't even curse. 

L  mood

ALRIGHT so I tanked the challenge bc I ended up being busier than I expected so whatever. I was going to go to tribal in both games and I knew I was probably going home but Jakey came in clutch and saved my ass and his own god bless. Lydia is going now so Im scared for her but I believe in her. ALSO i got to go on the adventure and I got to the flash game shit and i fucked it up by being a dumbass BUT I GOT ANOTHER CHANCE  and fucked it up again lmao

When I first saw the challenge results, I was more than okay with Andaman and Denali going to tribal. I don't have a particularly strong connection with anyone on those tribes. Jakey would probably go home because he can't vote and is on a tribe with a scorned Ricardo. Well, Jakey wasn't having that! He really hit everybody with that rice remix, huh?? There was no warning or anything, he knew it was fire and just dropped it, no warning. I have never been more happy to be mediocre. If someone took away my hard-earned win, I would be so mad. But it didn't happen to me, it happened to other people, so it's kinda awesome and funny.

Jessy, Pat, Lydia, and Wes are all going to tribal now, and that sucks since I like them. I especially don't want Pat to go home this early. I know he's trying so hard in this game; he deserves better than 20th. He's a great ally to have around too. I tried bouncing some ideas off Pat about what to do this round and hinted that he should try working with Lydia and Wes. Ya know, a little wink wink nudge nudge, please don't vote for them, Pat. I already lost Emma to this dual-games twist, I don't want more potential allies to go home. Thankfully, he was kinda on the same page as me and wants to work with Wes! So that's something, I guess. The tentative plan right now is to get Steven voted out on Hudson using Steffen, since Steven voted Steffen out of Game B. That's cool with me. I have Steven on my Game B tribe, so I could maybe pick him up and work with him if he's feeling a little burned about getting booted in Game A. On Thotse, I don't know what's happening, ha. In my dream scenario, Lydia, Pat, and Wes team up to vote out Jack, but I don't think that's going to happen. Wes is projecting onto Lydia and thinks there's still some bad blood from Port Royal. I don't think Lydia is that petty; she would put smart gameplay before revenge. Who knows what will happen, but hopefully my dream can come true and Jack goes. Nothing against him, I just haven't had much interaction with him.

If the trend of booting the people who are going to both tribals continues though, I feel like Wes will go over Pat. I feel Pat is a little more charming and is better to have around at this stage of the game. Regardless of what goes down, I'm glad there's a little shakeup happening.

It's kind of cute that I made that video last night being like 'well people are gonna figure out I have that Whirlpool idol eventually' and here comes fucking Jessy, self destructing my game as well as her's for no damn reason.  Jack and I talked last night and weighed the options of trying to go for Wes or for Jessy, and Jack was really pushing for Wes.  I know I said that made me really uncomfortable but...it really made sense. 

So, let me paint this picture; I'm trying to go to sleep, drawing up the courage to vote out Wesley even though my gut is telling me not too, and Jack sends me a message.  He calls me and tells me that Jessy is telling him I've got an advantage and using that to try and get everyone to vote me out. Like..........honey we were trying to SAVE you.  She didn't even wait more than 3 hours before starting to throw me under the bus.  

Another problem is that even if we vote her out she's going to tell people I have an idol/advantage and I wouldn't mind just playing it to get rid of the target because I have the Lava idol too, but if I play the Whirlpool one it mixes up everyone's advantage so I'd literally be giving the second idol away to someone else.  

I just really need to hope that Pat is as loyal as he says he is and Jessy doesn't...murder me. 

This is a mess.

Thotse seems almost too straightforward. Jack, Lydia, Wes and I all agreed Jessy is the easy option. Jessy is pushing me and Jack to blindside Lydia, because Lydia found a thing at the adventure and doesn't want to risk it being played. But what Jessy doesn't know I know is that Lydia already told me that this morning, AND she told me what it does. If I believe her. Which... she told me late, so I have SOME reservations. But apparently it's an item shuffler. And that makes sense given the twists we've seen so far.

So the plan is a 4-1 vote on Jessy, with Jessy's vote going on Lydia. If we're lucky, it'll be that cut and dry and I can explain to Jessy that it had to be a blindside because of idol paranoia. If it doesn't go as planned, Jessy idols and Lydia goes which is... not ideal. And if shit REALLY goes sideways, Jessy finds out her plan was never THE plan and she blindsides Jack or myself. Yikes.

On the other side, it's an even more complicated disaster of a clusterfuck of a calamity of a MESS, and it's all because of Steffen. 

I love this dude. Outside the game he's one of my favourite people. Inside the game? Trying to talk strategy with him is so difficult. I came to him with a foolproof idea to team up with myself and Wes and keep ourselves safe for this week, and even laid some groundwork that I would consider voting out Wes if we were decimated to a three person tribe. And his answer was basically "I'll consider it."

Okay, fair. Get all the info you can before making a decision. That makes sense. So I wait until 3ish this afternoon then message him back, asking if he thought about it. And his answer, in a nutshell, was "I think we need to know what's going on at Thotse first." Like.... no? we don't? it couldn't be less relevant? I know what he's doing. He's trying to milk me for info, but fuck if I'm giving it to such an obvious attempt.

So I call him on it, basically allude to the fact that if the games weren't operating independently of one another his ass would be the target tonight, and he doesn't pick up on it. Or else he did and said nothing. So then he goes on and talks about keeping people who can help in immunities, and I'm like, AWESOME. An opening! So I mention that Steven had the lowest score, isn't as dedicated, AND he voted Steffen out. (Sorry when you're reading this, Steven, but I had to say something to try and keep my ass out of the line of fire.)

And Steffen says he's afraid of the perception that might create about vindictiveness. So I'm like.......... fine whatever Ruthie then! Just don't vote out Wes or me because we both are comp help. And he says yes. And that basically summarizes the past hour. 

I've been bashing my head against the wall here. This is a Christie Smith type situation where the swing vote is being SO indecisive that there would be a temptation to wrest the deciding power from him. I even offered him the opportunity to name his target if he wants to vote with Wes and I. There's no way the other two can give him a better deal, right? And yet he's still hemming and hawing and it's getting so frustrating.

Meanwhile Wes is trying to work on Ruthie so we can get in a better spot there. Give us another option if Steffen decides to keep being more wishy-washy than a laundromat. And I told him I wouldn't write his name down, but if he's acting like a threat to my game I'm going to have to consider reneging on that. And the cutthroat style has never been one I actively enjoyed playing, but I also really don't enjoy being played. And that's what this feels like.

If I end up losing Wes in one or both games because of this fuckery, I'm losing my shift. By which I mean I'm only typing in lowercase from here on out.

A soon to be 'alliance' with Wes and Pat? 

An REAL alliance with Steffen and Steven?  YES PLEASE. <3 

I FEEL SO BAD RIGHT NOW, I was like so sure that I wanted to work with Wes going forward but I don't trust the quad alliance of Wes, Pat, Kait and MJ.  That has to be a thing and they aren't going to be final 4 on my watch. It's time to be the sweet, trusting, somewhat ditzy darling again and it's time to cause chaos and make my fallen hero Alex proud!

Tell me how I'm more worried about Pat going to these two tribals and the outcomes of them than when I was going to two in one night??? 

I guess just to recap stuff a little bit. I feel REALLY awful about voting JC out like that. They deserved better, and I really do think that they would've stuck with me, but oh whale. At this point like, there's still 20 people left in the game, you can afford to lose someone not so imperative but also kinda helpful to you. I? would've much preferred we voted Jessy out just because like yeah she's friends with Jake and stuff and I get that, but she also doesn't make an effort to really talk to me and hasn't made any strides to talk game with me so i'm like what's the FUCKENING point????????????? Also that alliance of myself, Jenn, Jake, and Jessy? Sus. I love being on the bottom, oh wow oh wow. 

Anywho, onto this ep! I'm obviously very pleased with where we placed in the challenge, this goes for both of my tribes, seeing as living in mediocrity saved me from going to tribal both before Jake flip flopped the results and after. I feel really bad for Pat having spent the whole day doing that only to end up going to both tribals, but obviously I get why Jake did it. However, him taking the fucking no vote at his next tribals was dumb like........sis wyd. Anywho, I find myself wanting to be all too nosy about what's going on on the tribes and what their tribal is going to be like. I keep having to remind myself just to mind my own fucking business and let things happen how they may. However? Jessy can leave on B, and Steffen can fucking leave already. He's so irritating in games and not even in an entertaining way, like he just is so dry to talk to when it's related to game, srynotsry steffo! 

I just want my showmance safe tru!

Wow. It really does look like it's going to be Steffen. I'm... surprised. I thought for sure he'd come around in time. But while I was gone to band practice, Wes spoke to Ruthie and Steven and solidified a plan to put the votes on him. He really is getting Christie Smith'd. 

I don't like it. But, it's the right move. If he's this indecisive over an early game boot that won't matter down the line, I don't know that anyone can trust him when the chips are down... except me, because we've got a pretty good bond. But one vote doesn't constitute majority on a five person tribe.

This is so frustrating. IT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.

well i'm back at tribal once again! 

this round was really complicated for me as the immunity challenge presented an even bigger issue than trying to win. jake has an immunity flipper and was going to use it so both of his tribes can be safe! i was gonna go to tribal if he did that (which he did) so i thought it would be mutually beneficial for lydia and i to not submit and she said that she "never forgets" so it wouldn't make sense. literally girl just say you forgot no one cares... anyway i thought i could trust her but she's just a snake so she's cancelled. jack told me she threw my name out right after she tried to reassure me i was safe and honestly i'm literally stunned that this girl can be so nice to talk to outside of the game but can be such a snake inside of it. erin from riau islands was right :/ let's just say time will catch up with her and i will try my hardest to stay in game a when i'm voted off game b tonight. i may not be in the best position right now but i know that when i'm given a task i am very determined. i believe i can get myself out of this situation... i just need to actually be inteligent. 

i'm apparently voting lydia off with jack and pat tonight but i don't really trust it. i think they're paranoid i have an item from my two adventures so they're making me believe that i'm safe but still i would play anything regardless tonight?? i'm legit in the worst position ever lol idk it just doesn't make sense for jack and pat to vote to keep me like... logically with pat being on a tribe with wes in game a. it makes sense for jack at least but as for pat it doesn't make much sense so i'm just praying he's just gonna vote her off anyway... i really think i'm fucked and going home, but i can't do much more than just be anxious lol. i'm basically Fucked. #CutForASwap

on game a i'm basically praying tthat i can bond with kait and jenn enough to where they'll see how beneficial i can be if i'm voted off game b. i feel like even if i'm voted off game b they'll feel that i have nobody in the game but jake and that's a really good thing. it's just... a stretch to say the least lol because i'm on a tribe with three malaysians and they're all really close. i don't know WHAT to do because we already voted JC off so my safety net is already gone. i'm just... i feel like i'm being closed in on and i'm losing wiggle room. i have not many options to make and i'm losing a feeling of security i never had in the first place and it sucks!

i feel like i'm only close with jake and to an extent... carson. carson is really cool to talk to but i know he's won before so he's clearly smart. in the endurance challenge i may have told him too much information so i'm trying to cool down on controlling information. that's a really big issue i have in these games! i'm way too trusting and optimistic (even though i'm paranoid as fuck) so i tend to tell people information easily. i also feel kind of good with ruthie and steven. i really want to be on a tribe with ruthie, she seems really cool and i think we'd get along. god... SWAP please.

that's it for now. 8 minutes before tribal council begins. 

Literally two minutes until tribal and I'm getting super sketchy vibes. 

Jakey using the golden record and causing the winners to go to tribal? Like taking rice from a baby 

I'm glad the Jessy vote worked out, but like... any time this game wants to stop kicking me in the balls, it'd be really appreciated.

sooo i had to use my record this round because i lost on both tribes and had no vote on any of them... lol... i legit had no choice LOL... so jessy's tribe is going to tribal and im hella nervous for her likeeee.... she or lydia is going i presume and they might be mad at me for using my record and take it out on her. if jessy goes im coming after jack so hard like.... no.... you can't DO jessy like that and get away with it. it will be the BIGGEST mistake in this game mark my words. but yea! i feel so insecure on both of my tribes and i just wanna win immunity until im off of these stupid ass tribes oh my goddddd. lets get to 2 tribes, keH? thanks. okkkk umm yeah. ppl might hate me for what i did but i honestly dont care i had no choice sucks for you. i feel like i have no one in this game besides jessy godd why do all my games end up like this. 

im mad at lydia about the whole challenge because she should have just threw her score and her and jessy would be safe but she just didnt... and then she got mad at me when i used it like girl im not giving up my spot in the game for you or jessy to go to tribal once??? like bye. get that ego out of your ass for five seconds, please. i'm sure you're constipated because it's fucking huge. (your ego, not your ass. tho not saying you have a small ass. i don't know what your ass looks like, lydia. i'm sure it's a wonderful ass.)

and yeah im done with everyone and this game. bye.

Well the time has come. Didn't take very long this time did it eh? I just love when online survivor games make you cry because you love your friends THAT MUCH.