#but i regret absolutely nothing and im gonna have a lot of fun going through the dlc proper kitted out

[farceargon]

Gordon Freeman but Monster Hunter <33

Amazed that the game let me make him so painfully accurate. Decided to let him wear the Narwa chestpiece for cool monster huntie flair :]

Fun fact: Had to fight 2 sky gods and 3 huge bears on steroids just to get his glasses. Ironically his weapon of choice is a heavy bowgun. Those require Being Able To See So You Can Aim Them.

Bonus one of my favourite monsters (because it's a crab) about to explode this man with its water beam.

I forgor that when it's real pissed off it can also move when it fires the laser.

[cjsinkythoughts]

Ocean Eyes, Cherry Lips, Ivory Keys

Pairing: 40s!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2747

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of alcohol, I think that’s all

A/N: This is a headcanon I’ve had for a while that I’ve been wanting to write about 40s!Bucky, pre-War. I kinda want to write a series about it, so that might happen. For now, enjoy this little tidbit I’ve written, with the prompt of Occasion for HBC’s Lucky in Love Day 18! (This isn’t beta’d so please excuse mistakes.)

He’s something of a celebrity. A living legend. A God amongst humans. Starting as a kid in Brooklyn, his fanbase rapidly grew, expanding to Queens, Manhattan, even parts of New Jersey, just in the past few years.

You don’t get it. So what if he’s got cool blue eyes, soft chocolate hair, and a charming smile? Who cares if he’s got smooth moves and even smoother words? He’s just a man - a human being - with flaws just like everyone else. A talented and gorgeous man, who has all of New York wanting to fall to her knees to please him, but still just a man.

James Buchanan Barnes.

Most everyone knew his name, but there was a lot of mystery surrounding the actual character. 

You just don’t see what all the fuss is about. You’ve never personally met him, or even seen him, but you know people who have. Your friend’s cousin even claims to have danced with him once. Not that that would be hard. You hear he’s never danced with the same bird twice, and, considering most start dancing in their teenage years, that’s a lot of dames.

It’s not that you’re not curious about him - if he’s actually as dashing as they say - but you’re not about to stop your life for him like some of your friends. They’re obsessed with getting his attention. With seeing if they’d be the one. The one to finally chain him down and tame him. The one he’d go steady with.

It feels like that’s all you ever talk about anymore. It was amusing at first, but now it’s just getting annoying. It’s been three years since that day in March of 1938, when your roommate ran into your room, plopping down onto your bed, before ranting and raving about the new ocean eyed piano player at her favorite bar. And since then, he’s been in your life without actually being in your life.

Speaking of, here you are. Listening to Lucy, MaryAnne, and Jean gushing over the man, trying to enjoy your milkshake.

“I heard from Sally that Thomas said that he knew the brother of one of his friend’s in high school!”

“That can’t be true! I heard from Billy, who heard from Martha, who was told by Ben, that he only had, like, one friend in high school.”

“You’re kidding, right? There’s no way a man like that had only one friend.”

“I hear he does boxing and that’s why he’s got a body sculpted like a Greek God.”

“Oh my God! MaryAnne!”

You rub your temples, resisting the urge to roll your eyes as the three burst into fits of giggles. If you have to hear one more word about-

“I heard he’s going to be playing at Georgie’s on Friday!”

Gasps echoed around the table. “No way! Georgie’s?”

You raise an eyebrow, this actually intriguing you. Georgie’s is a popular little hole in the wall, on the edge of being a speakeasy, which doubles as a pub and a dance hall in Brooklyn. It’s one of the best hang outs for kids like you and your girls, but it isn’t very high class. Maybe that’s why it’s one of the best. “Isn’t Georgie’s a little…cheap for him? He’s been playing at the best bars and restaurants for a while now.”

“It’s a classic in Brooklyn. Near his home, probably.”

“Do you think he lives near there?!”

“Ooo! Maybe we could find out!’

You scoff. “That,” gesturing to Lucy with your glass, you take a sip of your milkshake. “Is called stalking, my friend.”

Jean waves towards you dismissively. “I think he lives near Tin Pan Alley. That’s where he plays the most, after all. Georgie’s was probably just an old hang out for him and his pals.”

“Wait, wait,” you shake your head, a thought popping into your head. You turn to Lucy, confused. “How’d you find out he’s playing at Georgie’s anyways? Isn’t part of his whole act not telling anyone where he’s playing?”

Giving you a smirk and a wink, Lucy shrugs. “I’ve got my connections.”

You roll your eyes again, turning your attention back to your milkshake. “So?!” MaryAnne squealed. “We’re going on Friday, right?”

“Hell yes!”

“Absolutely!”

“Not.” You mumble, causing the other three to stare at you incredulously.

“Not?!”

“I’m not wasting my Friday night going to see some fella you all have a crush on. Especially when he might not even be there.”

Your friends groan, exchanging glances. “And what’re you gonna do?” Jean crossed her arms with a pointed look on her face. “Sit down and read a book like you always do?”

You huff. “I like reading, sue me. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. You know that new girl’s been gumming up the works and I’ve had to stay late to fix her mistakes all week.”

“This is exactly what you need, then! Come out, have a drink, jive a little-”

You look up at that, an amused kind of smirk on your lips. “Jive? Me and my clumsy ass?”

You all laugh. “Okay, so maybe not dance, but c’mon! It’ll be snazzy, you’ll see!”

“Fine, fine.” Standing up with a sigh, you collect your things, smoothing down your dress with your hands. “I’ve gotta scram.”

“We’ll see you on Friday, right?”

You give a small smile, shooting them a wink. “I guess I can make it.”

***************

Friday comes a lot faster than you anticipate. You dress up; a navy blue dress going to your knees with white, heart shaped buttons and a bow around the waist. The shoes you’re wearing are your nice black and white Mary Janes. Lips painted deep red, and hair pinned back in loose curls, you glance over yourself in a mirror. You’ll admit; you look damn good. You don’t wanna go, but you might as well try to have some fun since you are.

It’s a cool evening, early May meaning the summer humidity hasn’t hit just yet. You didn’t even think about bringing a coat, but you start to regret the decision as you start walking. MaryAnne, who you actually room with, already left, being way too excited to stay put.

It doesn’t take you long - you live on the border of Queens and Brooklyn - but your feet are more sore than you’d like when you arrive.

“I knew you’d come!” Lucy grins, coming up besides you and linking her arm in yours. MaryAnne comes up on your other side and does the same to your free arm.

“Where’s Jean?”

“Where do you think? She already found a Joe to swing with.”

You laugh. “Of course she has! So is your dreamboat here?”

The grins that are immediately on their faces answer your question and they quickly drag you inside.

It’s hot and crowded and dim. Skirts with their beaus, guys with their broads, swinging and dancing to the lively music of the band on stage. Smoke from cigarettes, pipes, and cigars is evident in the air as they neared the bar portion of the building, mixing with the boisterous sound of laughter and chatter.

“Everyone’s talking about it! He’s here, but he hasn’t played yet. We’ve been trying to catch a glimpse of him, but we think he’s in a back room.” The dramatic sigh MaryAnne gives makes you laugh a little.

“Okay, khaki whackies. Let’s get a drink.”

You, just as you thought would happen tonight, are left alone at the bar by your friends who quickly found partners to dance with. A few men asked you, but you have never been a good dancer.

You’re lost in thought, running a finger gently around the rim of your cup, when a voice sounded besides you, pulling you out of your thoughts, a slight rasp to the otherwise mellifluous voice.

“You gonna drink that, doll, or just stare at it all night?”

You raise an eyebrow at the jest, turning your head, only to have your breath hitch. What a specimen. Ocean blue eyes, fluffy brown curls, cherry pink lips. A white dress shirt is pulled over his broad chest, gray dress pants hugging thick thighs, matching suit jacket across wide shoulders. He has a blue, black, and white plaid tie around his neck and you can see the edges of his blue suspenders under his blazer. He’s put together, but it’s nothing special, a normal Sunday best suit, that much you can tell.

“Uh, not all night.” You look back to the drink, before looking at the clock with a hum, tilting your head playfully. “Maybe another hour.”

He chuckles, gesturing for the bartender. “Tell me this, sweetheart. What is a beautiful dame like yourself doin’ drinking alone?”

“I’m not very good on my feet, I’m afraid.” You laugh nervously, taking a sip of your drink.

“Don’t come here often, then?”

“Only for special occasions.”

“What’s the special occasion this evenin’, sugar?”

You shrug. “My friends dragged me here. They’re practically in love with this guy who’s supposedly playing the piano tonight. James Barnes. Have you ever heard of him?”

He chuckles, a grin pulling his lips upwards. “Yeah. Yeah I’ve heard of ‘im. Not a big fan yourself?”

“I’m sure he’s fine. I just don’t understand the fascination with him. Let the man be.”

“I agree.” He hums with a nod, grabbing the glass of whiskey the bartender set in front of him. “I actually know him.”

“Really?” You look at him in interest.

He tilts his head with a smile towards you that makes you melt. “Yeah. He feels the same. He just likes playin’. That’s all. He didn’t want all the attention. He gets enough without that.”

You raise an eyebrow, finishing off your drink. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m Bucky by the way.”

You eye his hand, grabbing it after a second, letting him bring your knuckles to his lips. “Y/N.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, mama.” He shifts his body more towards you, running a hand through his hair. “You said you ain’t fond of dancin’?”

Shaking your head, you quickly defend yourself, “no, no. I like dancing. I’m just not very good. Got two left feet.”

He smirks, tongue poking out to run over those plump lips of his. “Well, with the right partner, it doesn’t really matter.”

“Are you asking me to dance, Bucky?”

“Not if you’re gonna say no.” He responds with a toothy grin, leaning his elbows on his knees.

You sigh and shake your head. “I’m afraid tonight’s not your night, pal. I just can’t seem to get myself in the mood.”

He hums, leaning back. “Is it the music? Too fast for you?”

“I wouldn’t mind if they slowed it down some, I suppose.”

He smiles cheekily. “I can help with that. Hold on.”

You grin at him, nodding. “I’ll be here.”

Watching him stand and make his way over to the stage, you quirk an eyebrow. He seems to know the band well, if the handshakes and the claps on the back have anything to say about it. He says something to the lead, who nods with a grin, shooting him a wink. Bucky laughs, but you can see a tint of pink dusting his cheeks, making you wonder what they were saying.

He makes his way back over as the band shifts tones, the animated swing changing to a slow jazzy number. Bucky beams at you, holding out his hand as he approaches. “Care to dance?”

You purse your lips, narrowing your eyes, but taking his hand anyways. “How’d you do that? Do you work here?’

“Uh…somethin’ like that.” He states vaguely, leading you to the dance floor with the other swaying couples. Pulling you as close as appropriate, his hands resting politely on your waist, he starts moving you side to side. 

“That’s not ominous.” You place your hands on his shoulders, following his lead as you stare at your feet.

He chuckles, hooking a finger under your chin to lift your gaze. “I’ve gotcha, doll. I won’t let you fall.”

“I’m going to step on your feet.” You explain.

“Nah. You’re doin’ great. You just need to get outta your head. Relax a little. Tell me something about yourself.”

You hum. “Like what?”

“Anything.”

“Uh, okay…I have a roommate who is one of the girls who begged me to come, I’m a secretary - I know, boring - and…I dunno. I like reading.”

His eyes lighten at this. “Reading? Whaddya like to read?”

“Different things. Depends on my mood. I’m re-reading The Hobbit for, like, the twentieth time right now.”

“I love The Hobbit.” Bucky grins, making you smile back. “I read it almost as soon as it came out.”

“Me too! I was planning on reading it tonight but,” you gesture around. “Here I am.”

Bucky lips pull up softly, his hold on your waist tightening ever so slightly as he pulls you closer. “Well, as much as I love that book, I’m glad you came out tonight.”

Giving him a little tease, you tap your chin thoughtfully. “Eh…I think I’d rather be at home.”

He pinches your side gently, making you squeal and squirm. “That hurt, sugar. That physically hurt me. C’mon, mama, your gonna say you aren’t havin’ a good time?”

“I just met you ten minutes ago.”

“Well, sweetheart, if you think we’re movin’ too fast, I won’t introduce you to my folks just yet.”

You laugh, blinking up at him. “That’s very thoughtful of you, Buck.”

The two of you rock for a little while longer, before the band stops, announcing they’re taking a break and a special guest is going to play a little something.

“Maybe James Barnes is here.” You say, a bit of intrigue lacing your tone, trying to see through the crowds of people who started gathering around the stage to catch a glimpse of the charming pianist. “I see why he would be over the attention.”

“Yeah.” Bucky sighs, almost sadly, giving you an apologetic look. “Listen, I’ve gotta go work for a bit, but I’ll be right back.”

You smirk. “So you do work here?”

“Um…kinda. You’ll see.”

You raise an eyebrow at his words, but he’s kissing your knuckles and walking away. You frown, but can’t think more on it when three young women are on you, babbling about their dates.

“Who were you dancing with, Y/N? He was cute!”

You roll your eyes, feeling yourself heat up, and not because of the many bodies in the vicinity. “Just…some guy.”

“C’mon, c’mon! We’ve gotta get a good spot to actually see him!”

You huff, letting the drag you through the crowd, shoving their way towards the front just as a familiar deep voice spoke. 

“Thanks for comin’ out, everyone. I hope your havin’ a good night. Let’s get this hop started, yeah?”

Your eyes widen when you finally catch sight of the man sitting at the piano with a polite smile on his features. He catches your eye and shoots you a wink, before his fingers start flying over the keys. The beam that he gets while tickling the gleaming ivories, his azure eyes lighting up, and you can’t fight the smile you get. He looks so relaxed, so invigorated, that it makes you happy just watching him.

“Oh my God! Weren’t you dancing with him?!” Lucy shook your shoulder obnoxiously, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, mesmerized with the way he played like it’s the only thing he wanted to do with his life. Which, as you remember his words, ‘he just likes playin’. That’s all.’ you figure it is the only thing he wanted to do with his life.

You just danced with James Barnes…and he’s just as perfect as everyone says.

You’re still trying to wrap your head around it, your friends jumping around you, trying to get every little detail of him from you, when your heart skips a beat and your brain malfunctions. Bucky had started up another song, slower and more intimate, and he’s looking right at you. 

You find yourself doing something you never thought you would; you’re swooning over James Barnes, smiling like an idiot, heat blooming up your neck and flaming your face. And yes, he’s just a man - a human being - with flaws just like everyone else. But he’s a talented and gorgeous man, who has all of New York wanting to fall to her knees to please him.

And now that includes you.

[worminstuff]

Win Win Situation

dream x reader (more fluff)

from this ask -

Hello! I'd like to request Dream fluff, where they play Minecraft Manhunt with Pandas, Muffin and Gogy. The reader's a secret weapon they hold against Dream (she waits for him in the Nether or the End; the decision is up to u), since they know he really likes her and it's mutual anyways. She's capable of killing Dream with hearts to spare and in last hopes of winning the hunt, he proposes a kiss (in MC, of course) for his life (which the reader grants him). Thx in advance! 💞😊-

i love this ask vvvv much and im gonna try my best to do it justice!

It had been quite a day of filming, this manhunt proving to be one for the books.  Dream had really been stubborn upon not dying, and sapnap, George, and bad were really trying their hardest. 

George was so close to getting a dream when he first crossed to the nether but it was futile as he had looted around a lot and got more armor then they even had time to find.

Dream was pretty sure he was set after proving himself with that battle against George, he had 9 blaze rods, ten pearls and a burning sensation in his stomach from the excitement of winning.

It had been quite a day of filming, this manhunt proving to be one for the books.  Dream had really been stubborn upon not dying, and sapnap, George, and bad were really trying their hardest. 

George was so close to getting a dream when he first crossed to the nether but it was futile as he had looted around a lot and got more armor then they even had time to find.

Dream was pretty sure he was set after proving himself with that battle against George, he had 9 blaze rods, ten pearls and a burning sensation in his stomach from the excitement of winning.

As he sat listening to the 3 weirdos giggling amongst themselves he thought about you, you would've been so proud of the way he's wiggled out of their grasps so many times from a boat chase where he managed to drown Sapnap by using a tnt to blow them up in a cave. A blush crossed his cheeks at the thought of you being excited with him. He couldn't wait to tell you about it later.

Lately you two had been talking awfully a lot and he was enjoying it a lot. You'd met through sapnap since you knew him for a long time. You often streamed with Wilbur or Tubbo too, Tubbo being another one of your favorite people.

Dream loves to watch the streams and videos you both make because you two are so entertaining. Dream thought you were absolutely adorable, especially when you and Tubbo are trying to figure out redstone for a new scheme or terrorizing Tommy for a bit. Most of all he loved your bed wars streams, he was always entranced at how amazing you were at pvp. He loved every bit of it.

He himself had a really hard time talking to you at first. In his defense, you were a pretty girl! Adorable, sweet, funny and kind and incredible at pvp. How was he supposed to approach you without freaking you out with his tiny little obsession.

The sound of an ender eye breaking snapped him out of his little day dream, realizing he was nearby the stronghold, he started his way down.

Unknowing to dream, the boys were just over a hill watching him just as he was digging down. Instead of following just yet sapnap sent a message on discord, to you.

panpas 

    he’ll be there in a second i think

y/n

    okey dokey!

There was nothing in the unspoken rules of manhunt that said nothing about a secret weapon. That's exactly what you were. Sapnap and George and bad all knew you were one of the few people that could easily beat dreams.

Dream knew it too, sometimes he liked to tell himself it was only because she got him flustered so easily, but deep down he knew you just played way too much Minecraft. 

You sat impatiently waiting for him to reach the end, impatiently sitting near a clump of endermen. You were nervous and excited at the same time, beating dreams was always fun. You'd always admired dreams and his presence on the internet but after meeting him, things changed a bit.

He seemed hesitant talking to you at first but lately he had been texting you every morning and night and even called you a few times! He gave you so many butterflies just at the thought of him.

Dream searched around the stronghold looking for the portal, as he was about to turn a corner sapnap spoke up, 

“Don't you guys think it's been a bit boring without..y/n” He smirked behind his computer screen as he could practically hear dreams heart rate go up just by that single sentence. He was correct with that bet.

“Duh! y/n would have had a dream dead like an hour ago '' George spoke with a knowing smirk.

“That's not true-” Dream tried to poke into the conversation when bad suddenly interrupted him.

“No you muffin, you know y/n would totally have beat your booty way back in the nether”

“Booty-” Dream was cut off once again by a fit of hyena laughter from his friends. 

As they giggled he finally found the portal and filled in the empty slots hopping in quickly. He was surprised he hadn't heard the boys say anything about it with the achievements popping up onto the screen. 

He was confused up until he spotted you, standing by one of the pillars.

“what?! how?! y/n? how did you- when- huh?” His flustered state was quickly made obvious by the way the boys could hear a smile even through his confusion.

You started sprinting towards him as the three boys dropped into the portal as well but not rushing over just yet, wanting to see this unfold first.

You let out a small giggle as you were gaining on him, he was running around still confused on how you were there.

“Come here Dreeeeam” You said maniacally trying to gain on him.

“Get away y/n! how are you even-”

He let out a yell as you got your first crit on him, your ax was clearly more op than his and he could tell by only one hit.

“How did you do that much damage! What are you even-”

After finally trying to fight her, he was at 3 hearts and he even had a shield. 

“Okay, okay, okay, y/n hold on for a second please” He backed up a bit facing her character as she lowered her weapon waiting on his next move.

“I have..a proposition” Dream let out a breath nervously, 

“What kind of proposition?” You smirked, ready to decimate him with only a few more hits.

“No! No propositions! y/n you have him just kill him so we win!'' Sapnap chimed in with George and badly agreed.

“No no guys, hold on, I wanna know what it is,” You said with a small airy laugh.

“If you don't kill me y/n, i'll give you something I think you'll like”

“Like enough not to win?”

“I hope so..” Dream started to regret this decision, he knew he liked you and he thought you liked him, but how could he be sure? He would bed George would call him stupid for thinking she wouldn't like him but he just wasn't sure.

“Tell me then, what is it?” You were getting a bit antsy, he was a wild card to you. You adored him so much but sometimes you just never knew what was going on in his brain.

“A kiss.” You definitely weren't expecting that. As Dream spoke the two words he'd been repeating in his head for minutes, you were silent, sitting in shock.

You were expecting one of the boys to call it bullshit and tell you to just murder him on the spot, but they were silent.

“A..kiss?” You weren't sure you heard him right, because you couldn't believe it! A kiss? From Dream? You'd faint!

“Yeah. A kiss. And you let me kill the dragon.” He was gaining a bit more confidence after he realized he made you nervous.

“What?! No! No kissing! Murdering y/n! Murdering!” George wasn't surprised you were considering it because he knew how much you both like each other but he really doesn't want to lose like this.

“In- in game or?” you were sure he meant in game, but you were curious.

“Well.. it'll do until we meet in person. But I'll still owe you a real one after you let me win.” He smiled widely just thinking about getting to kiss you, or even be near you in real life! he could burst just at the thought.

While he was daydreaming, you were conflicted. The butterflies that were creating a sick feeling in your stomach at the thought of kissing him were overtaking the thought of wanting to beat him. You had already decided but you knew the boys would be so angry their secret weapon had failed them.

“How about. I take both kisses.. and then you have to beat me to the dragon. I won't fight you, you just have to beat the dragon before I can” Your plan seemed full proof. Seemed like a win win situation, or so you thought.

“Sounds perfect to me, y/n” He was grinning so madly, Your character got close to his, just a block or so in front of him.

“This won't be nearly as good as it could be but, MWAH '' Dream made an exaggerated kissing noise as he jumped towards your character hitting into it, then turning and booking it towards the dragon as it was starting to perch.

The boys were cheering and yelling as you sat in shock, not at the fact that his character kissed yours but because of what he said before. 

Was he really going to kiss you in real life? Your mind was absolutely swimming with thoughts when you suddenly checked back in at the sound of three boys yelling your name and the sound of the dragon dying.

“You just stood there y/n! why would you just stand there?!” George tries to sound mad but he really couldn't be. He was sure dream was on cloud 9 at that moment.

Dream was out of his chair, yelling with excitement as the boys were angrily shouting about their loss while you were still silent. Your silence was taken by a laugh, your own laugh,

“Hey y/n, can I call you in a little while?” He asked

“Yeah, please.” You said shakily as you left the discord call.

You leaned back in your chair, shaking your head with a small smile. He was going to be the death of you.

[brelione]

And It Felt Great To Be A Liar (700 Celebration)

Ok so I based this off of this prompt:Hi there! I hope you’re doing well. I just have a request for JJ maybank. Would you be able to write one where y/n is apart of the kooks and is dating Rafe and Jj and her hate eachother. One day everyone is at a party and JJ and y/n are fighting with eachother as usual in a bedroom and he pins her against the wall and all of a sudden they start kissing eachother and they end up having really rough sex against the wall or a desk in the room with lots of dirty talk, choking and JJ making y/n admit he fucks her better than her boyfriend and gets her to beg for him If you have any time to write it I would be very appreciative, thank you so much x 

and it really fit with the poll results for the celebration so enjoy this master piece <3

Warnings:Choking, Spanking, Bondage, Sub and Dom behavior, cheating, no condom, degrading, swearing.

Rafe’s arms were around your waist, his hot breath fanning against your neck as he nipped at the skin. “We should stay here tonight.”He suggested, his hands moving to the hem of your shirt, his hands slipping under the thin material and onto your skin.

 “We cant, we already told Kelce and Top that we’d show.”You reminded him, peeling his hands away from you. He pouted, grabbing his keys. “Fine, we’ll play later.”He winked, opening his door and going down the stairs, shouting a goodbye to Wheezie and flipping off his dad.

 You cringed at his words, not looking forward to coming back after the party. You were getting bored of Rafe, there was really only so much of his drama that you could take. You were hoping he’d get bored of you soon too or maybe even move on to someone else and forget about you.

 But you stayed anyways, hoping he’d become less boring or maybe you’d stay around long enough to truly mean something to him. You followed him, sitting in the passengers seat of his truck. It reeked of alcohol and weed, his hand gipping your thigh. You rolled your eyes, looking out the window as he drove. 

“What are you thinking about, pretty girl?”He asked. You hummed, not replying. You grabbed his hand, resting your elbow on the arm rest. There wasnt much to look forward to these days. Nothing new, nothing fun, nothing interesting. The kook life got so boring so quick. 

Your only options on most days were to go golfing, shopping or a party if you were lucky. Everything was blurred together, feeling the exact same.He lifted his hand, pulling yours with it before pressing a kiss to your hand. It was a romantic gesture that you werent used to. 

He was like this at the beginning of the relationship, the romance slowly fading away as he became more obsessed with you instead of loving you. He was trying his best to convince you that he still loved you but you knew that you were just holding on to broken pieces at this point, wishing you had something different. 

You could hear the crashing of the waves, lifting your head and widening your eyes for a moment. The party was at Kelce’s beach house that wasnt really a house, it was really just a second mansion. You grinned at Rafe, sliding your phone in your pocket before hopping out of the truck, biting your tongue when he squeezed your ass.

 “Im gonna go look for Sar, okay?”You asked. He nodded, pulling you in for a quick kiss, watching as you jogged up the stairs. You could feel him watching you, slipping into a hallway and hoping for the best. You were sure that Sarah wasnt even at this party, it wasnt really her type of place. 

Sure, she was a party girl but even this was too much. You figured you should just lay low until Rafe was busy catching up with Kelce and Topper that he wouldnt notice if you went ot get yourself a drink. You werent in the mood for him to drag you over to his friend group and start bragging. 

You tested each door knob, searching for a bedroom or a bathroom for you to sit in for a while, grinning once one of them finally turned.      As soon as you were in the room you closed it behind you, locking it because you didnt feel like having your alone time interrupted by some drunk couple. 

As soon as you turned around you regretted it, seeing noone other than JJ Maybank shirtless in the middle of the room. He was staring back at you, stuck in place. You and JJ had problems that dated back to eighth grade. He had gotten into a huge fight with a kook and you were the only witness, watching as the boy hit JJ repeatedly in the ribs.

 JJ had eventually won the fight, blood running from his nose and staining his shirt, a layer of sweat covering his face as he stared at you. Since then he had nothing but anger and hate for you, giving you dirty looks in public and talking shit about you at parties. Of course you always found out about it. 

How he called you a whore, a gold digger and a bitch.  “Get out.”Was all he had to say, tossing his shirt onto the floor in the corner. It made a slight sloshing sound and you could only assume that he had bumped into someone and got something spilled on him. Or maybe he had been a bitch and got something thrown at him. 

“No.”You replied, staring back at him with a glare. He matched your energy, jaw clenching as he looked you up and down. “What are you hiding from, (Y/N)? You maniac of a boyfriend?”He asked, causing your blood to boil. Of course he was right but you’d never admit it. And of course Rafe was an absolute maniac but so was JJ and all of his friends.

 “He’s not a maniac, JJ.”You replied, knowing that it didnt sound right. You had never been great at lying. “Aww, thats cute that you try to stick up for your crazy boyfriend? If hes not a fucking maniac then explain what he did to Pope and I. You think a sane person would do that?”He asked.

 You stared back at him, biting the inside of your cheek as you tried to think of something to say. He shook his head, chuckling. “See, you cant even defend him anymore. God, I hope he fucking dumps your ass!”he exclaimed, letting out a sigh. You gulped, staring at him.

 “Shut up!”You shouted in response, only making him smirk. “Face it, (Y/N)!The boy you call your boyfriend is a shitty, disgusting person. You’re so much worse for being with him!”He shouted back at you. “Excuse me?”You asked, somehow surprised that he would say it to your face. 

“Come on, (Y/N). You’re not that fucking stupid. He’s using you and you know it. But you like being used, dont you?”He asked, causing you to go silent. For once you didnt know what to do or what to say. He was getting closer to you, gripping your wrists and pushing you against the door in a swift movement, your back hitting the wood hard. 

His eyes stayed on you, raising an eyebrow. “Answer the question, princess.”He demanded. You stared back at him, feeling his grip tighten. “Sometimes.”You replied, not wanting to give him the satisfaction he craved. 

“Dont lie to yourself, sweetheart. You’re a little maniac that likes to be used.”He spoke into your ear, leaning down and kissing you roughly.You were struggling to keep up, so much happening so fast. His hands were under your shirt, sloppy kisses being dragged up and down your neck. 

“Do you want me?”He asked you, fingernails digging into your skin. You nodded eagerly, feeling a sense of relief when he pulled you over and onto the bed, glad that you werent trapped against the wood surface. He didnt let you lay down, pushing you onto your knees as you stared up at him. 

He guided one of your hands to his belt, making you press against him before letting go, biting his lip as you palmed him through his pants, carefully undoing his belt with slightly shaky hands. 

He let you take your time, grinning at how nervous he made you, watching you struggle with his zipper. He chuckled, pushing you back and undoing his pants, getting on top of you, parting your legs. “Does Rafe make you this nervous?”He asked, seeming pleased with himself. 

You shook your head, not sure you could answer properly. He grinned, kissing you again. He lifted your shirt over your head quickly, tossing it. “Im flattered that I have such an effect on you.”He muttered, tugging your shorts off, his hand wrapping around your neck not soon after. 

His blue eyes were staring into you, squeezing harder for a moment. He was testing how much you could take, his thumb pressing into a spot right below your jaw. His hand dragged from your neck to the end of your hair, tugging harshly and causing you to let out a low shout. 

He chuckled, letting go and unclasping your bra. “There’s so many things I could do to you…. We’ve got four hours until Rafe remembers you…..”He muttered, tugging down your underwear and keeping your thighs open with his hands, settling between them. 

“Can you last four hours?”He asked. You nodded, moaning when his tongue slid through your folds. He chuckled, his fingernails leaving little crescent moons into your skin as he lapped at your entrance. You already already shaking from his tongue alone, your hands going to his hair and whimpering when he pulled away. 

“No, no, princess. You dont get to touch me.”He told you, grabbing his belt off the floor. “Give me your wrists.”He told you, grinning when you put them out for him. He had so much power over you, holding your wrists to the headboard and securing them with the belt. He settled back between your thighs, his tongue darting in and out of you, pressing his thumb against your clit. 

He could feel you were about to get close, pulling away before you could reach your high. You whined, moving against the belt. “What? You dont like that, princess?”He asked, moving up again so that his nose was against yours. “JJ, please.”You whispered, thinking that maybe he would change even just for a moment when he kissed you. 

“Not. A. Chance.”He replied. “This isnt fair!”You exclaimed, moaning again when he licked your nipple. “Not fair?”He asked, beginning to suck. He moved his hand up to pinch your other nipple, rolling his thumb over it. “I think its pretty fair, (Y/N).”He replied, turning you over so that your stomach was against the mattress and you had to turn your head to breathe properly. His palm collided with your ass, sending a shock through your body. 

“You okay?”He asked, moving your hair aside and pressinga  kiss to you cheek. He was only calm for a moment before he smacked you again, making you take a shaky breath. “Anthony hit me twelve times….you get fifteen. Count.”He told you, rubbing your ass before lifting up his hand again, the hit making a loud noise.

 “One.”You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut as he hit you again. You’d never let Rafe do this to you. You didnt like most things Rafe did especially in the bedroom. He just couldnt do what you wanted and if he did he just couldnt do it well. You didnt know when you got to ten, tears streaming down your cheeks. “JJ…. I dont think I can take more.”You sobbed. 

He took in a deep breath, leaning down. “Hmm…. you’re doing so good, princess. Only five more left, promise I wont be too rough.”He whispered, his fingertips grazing over your thighs, waiting for an answer. You nodded, biting your lip as you waited, his palm hitting you again but not nearly as hard as the others. He spanked you again, rubbing the area after carefully. 

You werent too worried anymore, whispering after he hit you the last time. He gave you a moment to recover, his fingers rubbing your thigh and sides, kissing your shoulder. He turned you over a few moments later, staring down at you. He pressed a kiss to your lips, the act much more gentle than before. 

He pulled away after a second, his hand back at your throat as he pushed into you. You gasped, your head falling against the pillows as he bottomed out. He chuckled, tugging at your hair and forcing your head back some more, leaning down and nipping at your shoulder, only letting go when you whimpered. 

It wasnt hard enough for you to bleed but his teeth left imprints in your skin, a satisfied smile on his face before he sped up. “Does Rafe fuck you like this?”He asked, hitting a spot so deep inside of you that you hadnt even known that it existed. You moaned loudly, feeling him tug your hair again. 

“JJ!”You shouted from the pain against your scalp. “Answer the question.”He told you. You licked your lips, an idea sparking in your mind. “Rafe’s better.”You lied. He looked down at you, fingers pressing hard against your neck. “You want me to stop? You wanna go back to Rafe?”He asked, thrusting in and out of you. You shook your head quickly, wrapping your legs around his torso.

 “Thats what I though, you fucking liar.”He muttered, slowing when he heard a knock at the door. “Anyone in there?”A voice shouted. It was Rafe’s. “Make a sound and im done with you.”He told you, picking up the pace. 

“Rafe, man. Im busy!”He shouted. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and trying your best not to make any noises. You heard a loud groan before heavy footsteps thumped down the hall. JJ chuckled, noticing your relief. “Aww, the poor slut doesnt wanna go back to her boyfriend.”He grinned, biting your neck again. 

You knew Rafe would see the marks but you didnt really care, eyes widening as you clenched around JJ. He let go of you, pulling out and cumming on your bare stomach. He panted, kissing you gently before freeing your wrists, kissing the skin gently. For someone who hated you he was being surprisingly sweet, especially after what just happened.

 It didnt last long before he got up and put his clothes back on, your suspicions confirmed when you noticed a large stain across his shirt. “See you around, kook.”He winked at you before leaving the room. You laid down on the bed, pain running through your body. You felt guilty for feeling so good, your wrists stinging slightly and your heart dropping when you realised Rafe would see.

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[maysbanks]

are you bored yet. (jj maybank)

hey everyone ! basically this is my first time writing for jj, or anyone from obx in general. this is a side acc from my main acc that i made purely bc this fic idea came to me when watching obx and after listening to the wallows on repeat for weeks. idk i just thought the song was kinda fitting for jj, and im a sucker for soft ! jj with a friends to lovers arc, so here this is. it's quite a long one btw, the words just kept flowing so i apologise in advance. also i have a few more fic ideas based off some songs so if you like this and are interested in more pls let me know ! im probably gonna be writing a lot more for this boy bc i adore him. anyways i hope u enjoy !

warnings: features swearing, mention of sex, underage drinking, drug use and violence.

summary: based lightly off the song 'are you bored yet?' by the wallows ft clairo, reader and jj delve deeper into their relationship, taking the steps further into becoming something more than best friends. however worries and doubts begin to plague their minds, as they fear their relationship of becoming just a memory.

( gif isn't mine! please let me know if it's yours so i can credit you. )

"What are you doing later?" You looked towards Kie who'd directed the question towards you, her eyes squinting from the sun that was grinning down at your forms from where you were both seated on the sand.

"Dunno," you shrugged your shoulders. "Probably hanging out with J or something."

Kiara scoffed, a mocking look taking over the features of her face as her head turned towards yours, your eyebrows raising at the sly smirk on her lips. "What?" You questioned, narrowing your eyes when all she did was laugh. You shifted in your place, body moving from laying on your back to on your stomach, figuring it was about time to switch positions for your tan anyway. "Seriously Kie, what're you laughing about?"

She shifted along with you, only laying on her right side so she could face you head on, her hand propping her head up from the ground. She was still grinning. "JJ," she said simply. You raised your eyebrows at her once more, seemingly not understanding what she was trying to get at. "What's going on with you two?" Kie pushed on when you didn't respond, her own eyebrows inching further up her forehead.

In the distance you could hear the boys' screams, their commotion coming from the water you had passed on entering. You could hear JJ taunting John B from where you lay, Pope laughing along, and the splashes that you could only assume were also coming from them. You never spared them a glance, though from the corner of your eye could see their figures and indeed the loud splashes of water were coming from them, and you were certain JJ was holding John B underneath the water.

"Nothing's going on," you said in response to Kie's question, rolling your eyes playfully at her exclaim of 'oh c'mon!'. "What? It's the truth. Nothing is going on, not really."

Kie furrowed her brows. "What do you mean by 'not really'? Did something happen between you two?" She prodded.

You shrugged, because in all honesty you couldn't say much of anything about your relationship with JJ. You were just as unsure about it all as Kie and more than likely the rest of the gang were (because if Kie had picked up on it than surely Pope and John B had too, and you were kind of freaking about it.) and had no idea what to say in her line of questioning. Of course you wanted to talk about it, you and the Pogues never kept secrets from each other - but was it really a secret when they technically knew about it anyway, and was it really a secret when you and JJ hadn't even spoken about keeping it a secret too? Your mind raced, and you figured it was easier to just shrug it off for the time being. Kie would no doubt ask again, and you hoped you had the answers by the next time she (or someone else) would.

"He's my best friend," you'd decided on saying. From the corner of your eye, you could see the guys approaching. "We've been close since we were like, ten. We've always been the same."

Except now the two of you held hands under the table and kissed in the safety of your rooms, among other things. That part of your relationship was fairly new though, and so you decided against saying anything until you could work out exactly what was going on between you and JJ - because you had no clue, and weren't even sure that JJ knew himself. It just sort of happened, the line being crossed over from friends to lovers in the blink of an eye. One minute you'd never dare to give in to the temptation of JJ Maybank's heavenly sinful lips, and the next the pair of you were sharing a bed almost every night.

Nothing much had changed though, in regards to your friendship. JJ and you had always been close, always intimate in your touches. Always beside each other, rarely without the other. You were an unstoppable duo from the minute you met. Just somehow, along the line, over the years, your friendship had turned into more. Each touch became longer, each glance would linger, and something had shifted. It was inevitable, you supposed. Nobody was ever really that close with someone without feelings getting involved at some point.

The guys were a lot closer now, and Kie spared them a glance before looking back towards you. "Friends don't look at each other the way you two do." Was all she said before the sun that was earlier shining down on you was blocked by the trio of tall guys that smiled at the pair of you. Kie sat up, smiling as Pope took a seat beside her on her towel. "Have fun out there?"

"Oh, tons," came the voice that belonged to the person you were talking about not a minute ago. JJ smirked down at you, blonde hair dripping wet on his forehead and golden tanned chest on full show. You admired the view behind your sunglasses and sent a grin in his direction when he seemed to notice. "You checking me out there, babe?"

You laughed as he did a little shimmy, rolling your eyes as you looked at him over the rim of your glasses. "What would you do if I was, Maybank?" You played along, smirking when you heard John B let out a gag from somewhere beside you. JJ smiled back, and squatting down in front of your form he'd grabbed hold of your feet, laughing when you squealed. Tugging so that you were laying on your back rather than your front, his sea blue eyes gazed down your body, unknowingly leaving a trail of fire in its wake. The feeling you shared with JJ was unlike any other, nothing or nobody could come close to topping it. It was unexplainable, the feeling of absolute longing for him to just be there forever. You couldn't ever imagine a life without him in it, and that thought both scared and excited you.

JJ stared down at you, tongue peeking from his mouth to wet his pink lips as he looked. You felt hot all over and you knew it wasn't because of the sun. "Things only you could imagine sweetheart," he taunted from above you, knowing fine well that what you could imagine he'd probably already done to you. You smirked back, feeling a thrill shoot through you because the pair of you knew this and the remaining three of your group had no idea, or so you believed. This new relationship, this unspoken thing between the two of you was simply yours, and somewhere in the future you feared you'd both come to regret it, whatever it was, but in the moments of the present you knew neither of you could find it in yourselves to actually care.

And so you both smiled at each other like the world around you didn't exist, and for a couple of seconds you could pretend it didn't, JJ moving so he was seated behind you with your body seated between his legs and your back against his chest. Sat there, surrounded by your friends though almost oblivious to their presence as JJ's hands rested on your skin, his breath on your neck. You leaned into him, and smiled when he placed a discreet kiss to your shoulder.

Locking eyes with him, you grinned. The burst of happiness and content when he grinned back was almost unbearable, and in that moment you knew you never wanted whatever it was that you two shared to end.

It was a few days later when JJ showed up at your window, his face bloody and bruised, his form weak as he pulled himself into your bedroom. You didn't need to ask twice about who'd caused the damage, your body and mind going into autopilot as you hurried from your bed and grabbed hold of him, JJ grunting as he fell into you, his hand clutching desperately at his side.

"Shit, JJ," you'd cursed as you helped him land on your bed, hands instantly grabbing at his face and assessing the damage that had been left by his father. There was cuts along his brow line, his eye was bruised and already swollen shut, his bottom lip bust open and oozing blood. Your thumbs swiped along his cheeks, being careful of the injuries, and you felt tears pricking at your eyes at the sight of him. You blinked them away as quickly as you could, he didn't need to see you being so upset in that moment. And besides, you had bigger issues like getting him cleaned up like you had done too many times before. "Stay here, okay. I'm gonna go get the first aid kit."

JJ only grunted, and you pressed a kiss to his forehead before leaving the room to get the kit, your mind reeling. It was no secret about JJ's father and his years of abuse towards his own son, and you'd seen him beaten so badly so many times before, but it never got any easier. Each time it happened JJ would wound up at your house, and each time you would clean him up, making sure his wounds were tended to and making him as comfortable as possible as he slept next to you, most nights with his head resting on your chest as you soothed him to sleep with whispers of reassurance that you were there and that you loved him. He would fall asleep with tears staining his cheeks and you would cry yourself to sleep afterwards too, wishing that could just take away all his pain, wishing that you could do more, wishing that JJ had a better life than what he was given, because there was no-one that deserved it more.

You sniffed and forced your tears away, trying to focus on the task at hand. It didn't take long to locate the first aid kit and within a minute you were back in your bedroom, where JJ lay, staring up at your ceiling with his chest moving up and down in a motion that proved he was trying to hold his own tears in. Your heart broke at the sight, and you bit down on your wobbling lip as you moved towards him. His eyes met yours when you were close enough, stood in front of him on your bed. You smiled softly.

"Hey, honey," you soothed as he slowly sat up, grimacing at the obvious pain from his side as he did so. Despite his pain, he smirked back at you.

"Hi, baby."

Stepping closer, effectively between his legs, you smiled as his hands wound around and grabbed at your legs, almost as if he was grounding himself, focusing all his attention onto you. You took a moment to take him in as you pressed the wet rag you'd also grabbed on his face, beginning to clean the cut on his eyebrow. It wasn't too deep, thank god, you thought. You feared for the day where one cut might be too deep and one blow too strong, and the thought of JJ, strong and hot headed and impulsive and passionate, might not being able to drag himself out of the house of hell and getting to anyone for help, to you, to John B, to Pope or Kie, scared the shit out of you to put it simply. JJ was so strong, but there was only so much he could take, and you dreaded the day when that would come. You could only hope it never, and in the meantime do your best to prevent it. You let out a shaky breath as you continued to clean the blood from his face, gently dabbing at his torn lip as he hissed. "I'm sorry hon," you murmured, feeling your gut twist at the sight of him in pain.

"I'm okay," he breathed out, only it was shaky and you both knew it to be a lie. You said nothing though, not wanting to start an argument that night. You'd had countless in situations like these, where you'd tell him he needs to get away from his dad and he'd tell you its not that easy and that nothing fucking is on this island, and you'd try and tell him you understand that but you hate seeing him like that, beaten to a pulp, sometimes barely even able to move, and that you were scared to lose him. He'd tell you that you were too good for him, you deserved better, you deserved more, and you'd cry and tell him to shut up, that he was your best friend and all you ever needed and you'd always be there for him, and he would shake his head and deny it all with tears streaming down both your faces until you collapsed into each other and fell asleep with your limbs intertwined whatever mood you'd gone to sleep in. There was something about that night that told you not to argue, not to push him, just clean him up and hold him and let him know that he wasn't alone in this world. His eyes met yours once more. "I'm okay." He repeated, as if you hadn't heard him the first time.

All you could do was nod, and wiping the last bit of blood from his face, you quickly went over the cuts with disinfectant, JJ's grip tightening on the backs of your legs as you continued to tend to every last bit of him. Finishing on his face, you placed a kiss on each and every cut, bruise or scrape that was etched into his skin. He let out a shaky breath, one hand moving up and landing on your back, rubbing up and down as his forehead rested on your shoulder. Running your own hands through his blonde locks, you pressed your nose to the top of his head as you held him close to you. It wasn't long before you felt the tears soak through the material of your shirt (which was technically JJ's shirt, but that didn't matter much.) and his body started to shake against your own, chest heaving and hands shaking.

"I hate him," you heard him mutter. You closed your eyes, wrapping your arms around him tighter, one hand clutching the back of his neck as the other rubbed soothing patterns onto his back. JJ shook against you, hands clutching onto the sides of your shirt as his lips brushed against the side of your neck as he let out a sob. "I just - I fucking hate him! Why does he do this, why does he -? Why, why, why?"

He was muttering the word over and over again, all sense of himself lost as he sobbed into your neck. In that moment, you felt so useless, so powerless, and you knew that JJ did too. You wished you could take away all his pain, make him see that he was so loved, that you loved him entirely and surely, but all you could do in that moment was hold him tight and screw your eyes shut as you cried along with him.

"He doesn't deserve you, J," you whispered into his hair. "He doesn't deserve you one bit. You're the best son, okay. You're the best friend, the best goddamned person on this island, on this planet! You're so loved, you hear me? You're so loved, babyboy. We all love you, I love you okay. I love you more than anything."

You'd said the words a million times before, but somehow in that moment, wrapped up in each other, JJ sobbing into your chest and you holding him like a person would a child, his ear resting against your heart where he could hear every little beat, his own matching the rhythm soon after - in that moment, _you both knew it meant more. That the friendly shared 'love you's' from so many times before were different to the ones now, and yet still neither of you spoke about it. You focused on JJ, giving him the comfort he so desperately needed. And JJ focused on you, focused on your heartbeat and the sound of your breathing and the soothing words you were whispering to him, and you had no clue as to what he was thinking; that he loved you, so fucking much. JJ Maybank didn't know what to do with that, to love someone so completely and honestly like he loved you, beyond the point of friendship and into the unknown territory of _in-love _absolutely _terrified him. But he knew it to be true, he was in love with you.

And as you forced him to take his shirt off so you could inspect the bruises surrounding his stomach and chest, laying a gentle kiss onto each and every one of them as he started at you with pure adoration in his eyes, he thought about your relationship - fears of you getting bored of him, wanting more than the island life and more than him, fears of you leaving him for something or someone simply more. Realising that he was no good like he'd always said, always suspected. But then you gazed at him with a certain glint in your eyes that he knew was reflecting in his own, and you were pressing your lips to his in a soft caress that dimmed all thoughts from his head and the question of 'are you bored yet?' fell flat on his lips as you ate them, chewed it up and spat it straight back out.

That conversation could come later, he supposed.

JJ's jaw clenched as he took in the sight of you, skin glowing in the late night sun that was slowly fading in the moons advance. The kegger had begun only an hour or so before, and yet the beach was filled with people already - varying of Pogues, Tourons and Kooks.

Among them all was you, red cup placed in your hands as you laughed at something the guy in front of you was saying, a small smile on the boys lips as he watched you. JJ felt something twist in his gut, suddenly feeling nauseous as he was stood a bit away from you, taking in the sight with malice in his blue eyes. He didn't know the guy that much was for sure, which could only mean one thing; he was definitely a Touron. That also probably meant that he was one of the few people at the party that didn't know JJ or anything of his reputation for being a bit too hot headed. JJ couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.

"Dude," John B slapped a hand on his shoulder, effectively snapping his trance at the pair across the beach. JJ turned towards his best friend, a smirk on John B's lips as their eyes met. "You're gonna poke holes into that guys head the way you're glaring at him man."

JJ rolled his eyes, his head once again moving to look back towards your figure. You didn't look mad at the attention the guy was giving you, and that sent a trail of fury in JJ's veins. "Who is that guy, man?" He asked instead of replying to John B's playful taunts. John B seemed to take note of that and simply shook his head. Fucking clueless, he thought.

"Dunno," John B replied as he took a swig of the beer in his hands. "Some Touron, probably." He glanced at his best friends face and noticed the glare darken in JJ's eyes. He suddenly shifted, blocking his view of you and the guy, ignoring JJ's grunt of displeasure at his move. "Don't start anything, J. Alright?"

JJ scoffed. "Me?" He chuckled darkly. "Nah man, you know I'd never start anything," he patted John B's chest twice. "I'm not the fighting type." JJ knew that John B could make out the sarcastic drawl to his words, and looking away from the brunette's eyes JJ was glancing back at you. His features shifted dramatically as he saw the guy take a step closer to your body, and despite the somewhat uncomfortable smile on your face you never seemed to object to the move. JJ felt the anger in his veins grow. "Fuck this!"

John B stopped him before he could take another step, shoving his chest so that he stumbled backwards. "Don't even think about it," JB warned. From afar, Pope seemed to take notice of the two and began to walk towards the seething blonde and his brunette best friend. "Pope, man tell him," John B practically pleaded as the most level headed of the group arrived at their side. It didn't take long for Pope to realise what the source of JJ's anger was, spotting you and the guy, completely oblivious to what was going on. "What are you planning on doing, huh?"

"He's all over her," JJ simply said - as if that was enough of an excuse for his anger. Pope and John B shared a glance. "I'm just gonna go over there and see if she's alright, alright?"

"Why do you care if he's all over her?" Pope raised his eyebrows. "You're not her boyfriend."

That faltered JJ's stance, and for a split second he looked away from you - still laughing, both hands gripping the cup in your hands, bikini clad top on full show for unwelcome eyes to wander. He clenched his jaw tighter, teeth clashing in his mouth, as he thought about Pope's words. Was it technically true; wasn't he your boyfriend? He didn't know - neither of you did. You hadn't spoken about anything, the changes in your relationship coming almost naturally so that neither of you cared to at first.

First, there was the no Pogue-on-Pogue macking rule. Second, there was something so deliciously thrilling about keeping your relationship from everyone else - no room for drama or prying eyes, or so he thought. But the unknown was beginning to scare him, and all he wanted was answers.

It was as if putting a label on what you both were would potentially put an end to everything, all the kissing, cuddling, secret touches, lingering looks, whispered endearments. The pair of you were too young for this shit, JJ thought. Thinking so hard about what you are or weren't. And god forbid you'd both come to regret it all; JJ couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't.

"I'm not gonna do anything," he said simply, and shoved his way past his friends before they could do anything else. He approached you, your eyes immediately catching his and a large grin overtaking the features of your face as he came closer. The guy seemed to notice your shift in attention and he turned too, eyes widening a bit at the sight of the blonde stood in front of him. JJ tried to smile naturally, his too sharp teeth secretly grinding together. "Hey," he chirped as if he was talking to an old friend. "How're you doing, man? I'm JJ."

You hid a laugh behind your hand, having no clue as to what JJ was trying to achieve but finding the obviously fake enthusiasm rather hilarious in that moment. Over his shoulder, you noticed John B and Pope watching with careful eyes, and everything seemed to click in your mind. _JJ was obviously planning on starting something. _You decided to get yourself and your somewhat boyfriend slash best friend out of the situation before anything could happen, the poor Touron didn't have a clue that you were kinda taken, to a fist throwing first ask questions later, tall blonde named JJ Maybank after all.

"It was nice talking to you, dude," you told the guy, his face dropping at the word dude. God, had he seriously wasted all that time flirting with you? You grabbed JJ's hand, only for him to tug it out of yours and place it around your shoulders, blue eyes sending daggers to the nervous boy on front of you. "We're gonna go now, I think."

And with that, you led the way away from him, not missing the way JJ's eyes swooped over the guy in an almost warning manner before smirking at him. Your hand reached up and fingers intertwined with those of JJ's that were sat rather comfortably near your breast. JJ's fingers squeezed yours in response, his arm tugging you closer before he leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to the top of your head.

Once you were a good distance away from the party and its occupants on the beach, you turned in his arm, hand letting go of his to wrap both your arms around his waist. He kept the same arm around your shoulder and placed his other on your bare back between the high waist line of your shorts and the knot of your bikini, long fingers spacing out and rubbing soothing patterns into the skin.

You sighed as you looked at him. "What was that about?" You questioned, a small smile tugging on your lips regardless of the seriousness in your question as you demanded answers.

"That guy was all over you," JJ grunted, his eyes leaving yours to glare at the space where you stood a minute before talking to the said guy. "He was practically drooling all over you. I saved you, y'know. You should be thanking me, babe."

You laughed, and rolling your eyes you reached up to touch his face, thumb smoothing over the still darkened skin under his eye from the confrontation of his dad earlier that week. Leaning up on your toes, aware that nobody could see the action from the distance you and JJ were stood from the kegger, you pressed a kiss to the bruised skin, JJ's eyes closing at the feel of your lips against his skin, a soft exhale leaving his chest.

"Were you jealous, baby?" You teased gently, chuckling at his scoff in response to your accusation. "Relax, J. You don't have to be. I've only got eyes for you."

That seemed to catch his attention. JJ pulled away from you a bit, blue eyes suddenly serious and pink lips forming a tight line. For a second you worried you'd said something wrong, suddenly afraid that he would pull back completely and distance himself from you like you feared one day he would - it was only a matter of time before he realised what you had was a mistake, you worried. That he'd get bored of you and realise there was so many other people he could have. The thought alone made you sick, and you forced the intruding thoughts to the back of your head as JJ's eyes trailed over your face.

"What's wrong?" You couldn't take it anymore. The silence was deafening, even with the music and chatter of the teenagers behind you lingering in the night air. JJ seemed to get hold of his bearings at that moment, shaking his head and leaving a hand from your body to run through his hair. You watched him all the while, lip between your teeth. "J, what's wrong baby?"

JJ wished he had an answer, but he simply didn't. He had no idea what was wrong, no way of telling you the thoughts that were running through his mind. JJ had never been good with words, or emotions, or anything much like that at all. And so he just shook his head, sighing deeply as his hands caressed your face. You welcomed the touch, head leaning into his hold as he smiled down at you. You knew there was something he wanted to say to you; you had known him for so long, felt like all your life, and you could see right through his lies. However you never said a thing, once again. In that moment, it felt enough to just be by his side.

"Can we go?" He muttered quietly, despite no-one being around you. You smiled softly, eyes staring into each others there on the beach. "Just wanna go to sleep with you," he murmured that time, leaning down and kissing the side of your lips, not completely which had you grumbling quietly.

"Course, baby," you whispered as you looked at him, feeling nothing but adoration and love for the boy in front of you. "Let's go."

And so after kissing him under the moonlight, feet sunken in the damp sand as the sea splashed around you, the kegger still going strong in the distance, JJ took your hands and led the way back to the Chateau, where despite both your similar thoughts you crawled into bed in the spare bedroom and fell asleep together, your head resting on his chest with his cheek pressed against your head, arms wrapped around forms and legs intertwined.

It was hot, blistering heat panning down on your form as you lay on the hammock outside the Chateau, eyes closed with one arm resting over them in a fleeting attempt to block the sun out. Despite the unbearable temperature of the day, JJ lay in between your legs, perfectly muscular arms wrapped around your waist as his head rested on your stomach that was covered only by one of his infamous cut-off sleeve shirts, only a bikini underneath it keeping you modest.

One of your hands played with the hair on the back of his neck, twirling the strands in between your fingers and repeating the process over and over again, JJ letting out a low him as you did so.

It was just the two of you, the quiet and peacefulness welcome on the hot day as you cuddled as close as you could and as much as you wanted, nothing off limits away from the prying eyes of your best friends. Both Kie and Pope were working, John B having traded your company for that of Sarah Cameron's for the day, and so that only left the pair of you to do anything and everything you pleased. JJ had let out a joyous whoop when you'd discovered the fact, and you'd only managed to get out of bed half an hour before as he took full advantage of having the Chateau to yourselves for the morning. The original plan was to go surfing, but as soon as you'd stepped out of the house the both of you seemed to come to a silent mutual agreement that lounging around in the sun on the porch was a much more welcoming idea instead.

And so that's what the pair of you had done; there was barely a word uttered between you both as you lay there, JJ's skin slightly sticky and damp on your own due to the heat, but neither of you seemed to mind as you simply closed your eyes and basked in the quiet, content with doing nothing with your favourite person.

JJ's hands had moved so that he was caressing your side, your skin revealed with the low cut of his shirt as his thumb rubbed patterns into your skin. In its wake it left goosebumps, JJ's touch never failing to make you shiver even in all the years you had known him. He knew what effect he had on you too, he smirked as you shivered, his other hand squeezing the flesh of your hip.

You trailed your own hands down from his hair and onto the exposed flesh of his back as he lay shirtless, and you could feel the muscles under your palms clench as you let out a small giggle. JJ chuckled along, although he'd had no idea as to what it was you were laughing at in the first place. The sound of your laugh just made him happy, he supposed.

"What're you laughing at?" He murmured quietly, chin propping on your stomach and his eyes squinting up at you. He'd moved a hand down to your thigh, now kneading the flesh there as his other remained on your side and wrote unknown words into the skin there. You grinned down at him lazily, the sun and his charming aura making you feel high. Then again, you probably were high; the blunt you'd both shared a couple of minutes earlier taking its toll.

"Nothing," you hummed. "Just really, really fucking happy right now s'all."

JJ laughed, laying a kiss onto your stomach and loving the way you giggled at the action. He pressed more there, letting out dramatic sounds of various 'mwah's' as he trailed them up further until his lips were on the skin on your collarbone, continuing his assault onto your neck. JJ's tongue darted out, and your giggles had soon turned into breathy moans of approval as he sucked on the skin, his sharpened teeth sinking into the flesh not long after. You gripped the back of his neck, fingernails digging into his hairline as your sounds of pleasure rippled through the air surrounding you without a care in the world. In that moment you couldn't care less if anyone had caught you - all that mattered was JJ, all that ever mattered was JJ. He sucked gently on your flesh, adding to the bruises that already littered your chest, stomach, thighs, anywhere he could get his mouth earlier. You both knew questions would be asked from the others, in the high temperatures of the Outer Banks your skin was almost always revealed. But again, neither of you cared.

Not when JJ's mouth left your skin with a satisfying pop, his eyes taking in the sight of the freshly bruised flesh, a content smile on his lips. He leaned down and peppered a kiss to the lovebite, soothing his tongue over it afterwards. You let out a sigh, suddenly breathless under his heated gaze.

JJ shuffled his body up and closer, one leg in between yours as his right hand came up and held your face tenderly in his palm, the rough skin of his thumb swiping along your brow as he grinned cheekily down at you. "You're fucking beautiful y'know that?"

Your cheeks blazed, an almost embarrassed laugh leaving your mouth and you shook your head at his words. JJ looked offended suddenly, his brows furrowing as he nodded furiously. "Um, yes you are. Don't you dare say that you're not because you're, fucking, beautiful, okay," between each word he left lingering kisses to your lips with his own, and you knew it was probably the weed in his system that had spurred him to such a romantic confrontation, but you welcomed it regardless, giggling against his lips as one leg hooked around his waist. "Fucking god, you keep doing that and we won't be moving from this hammock all day."

"I'm not complaining about that," you replied and pressed your lips harder to his. JJ let out a groan, his body impulsively pushing down further onto yours, his hips directly on yours, chests pressed close together, his arm holding him up enough near your head so he didn't suffocate you completely, his other kneading the soft flesh of your bikini bottom clad ass. Your own hands caressed the skin of his abdomen, fingers sprawled and feeling his abs tense underneath the tips. You pulled away only slightly, taking in the sight of his flushed face, his eyes bright and yearning, flashing with something you couldn't quite place and his lips swollen and so very red. "Thank you, by the way." You whispered as you reached up and pushed the hair from his face. "You're pretty beautiful yourself, hon."

JJ seemed to understand what you were getting at then, his chest heaving with a chuckle as he shook his head at you. He leaned down and placed a kiss to your nose, returning his head to snuggle into your neck as you were once again wrapped around each other. "Thanks, I know," he joked (possibly) as his hands resumed their pattern of soothing shapes on your ribs. You hummed a random tune, the calming atmosphere returning around the pair of you on the porch. It was quiet for a few more minutes, your eyes closing involuntarily and almost falling asleep right then and there before JJ spoke up again. "You're my best friend, y'know."

The words were so quiet you almost missed them, but with the silence surrounding you, you'd heard them loud and clear. Your eyes opened and you glanced down at the boy laying atop of you, his face hidden in the skin of your neck.

"I would hope so," you laughed slightly, having no clue as to where JJ was planning on going with the fact. "You're my best friend too. I'd be lost without you and the guys."

"No," JJ shook his head. He shifted in his place, eyes connecting with yours as you sent him a questioning look, quirking your eyebrow. JJ sighed deeply, sucking his lower chapped lip into his mouth for a second before releasing it and allowing your finger to trace the outline of it. "You don't get it. You're like, my best friend. I know it sounds stupid and I'm probably a selfish fucker for saying it, but I'd put you above everyone else. You are above everyone else. And like, I don't know how else to explain it but you mean the fucking world to me. Without you, I'd be nothing. If I lost you, I'd fucking die."

His voice broke at the end, and it damn near broke your heart as you hushed him gently, arms circling around his head and holding it close to your chest. You kissed his forehead, hearing him sniffle before he raised his head and met your eyes, the sea blue crystallised by unshed tears.

"I feel like I've known you my whole life, and I just - I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm scared honestly, shit fucking feared of losing you, or you realising that I'm just a no good low life and you could do better, and honestly you could and I don't even know what the fuck you're doing with me," JJ chuckled darkly and you shook your head, feeling tears prick at your own eyes at his words. "And I don't even know if you want to be with me, or if what we're doing is some mistake you're gonna regret, but you're my best friend."

The earnest in his voice made your heart clench in your chest. You'd seen JJ cry numerous times, seen his facade break and his world around him to crash, seen the emotions pour out of him with so much force whether they be happy, sad, fucking hysterical or ecstatic; and you'd loved him through it all. The realisation of just how much you loved him, that went beyond friendship and into pure, earnest and genuine love for the boy in front of you, made your head swirl and butterflies in your stomach to clash heavily against your ribcage. Something warm spread throughout you, and you welcomed the feeling with open arms. You loved JJ Maybank, purely and honestly, with every fibre in your being.

"J," you murmured carefully, gripping his damp cheeks and forcing him to look at you. His face was unreadable, but you could see in his eyes what he was feeling in that moment. "You're fucking crazy, alright? Everything about you is so damned chaotic and I love every bit of it. I love every bit of you, so much. Do you know how scared I was that you would take all this back? Regret it all, leave me for someone better. I was scared shitless, because I cannot lose you. You're my best friend, and all I wanna do is spend all my time with you."

"I've never felt like this before," you whispered as JJ's gaze softened, hands gripping your hips and squeezing gently. You traced the worry in his brows, easing it away, traced the bottoms of his eyes, the slope of his nose and the outline of his lips. He breathed against your fingertips, the soft exhale making the hairs on your arms raise. "I love you, J. And if you think you're ever gonna get rid of me, you're terribly fucking mistaken."

JJ chuckled at that, blonde head falling on your chest as he breathed in and out, seemingly catching his breath at your confession. "Thank god," he breathed, cheeky gaze raising to catch yours as he grinned, suddenly surging forward and catching your lips with his own in a deep and passionate embrace that had you feeling dizzy at the pure feel of it all. "I was scared you were gonna tell me to fuck off, thought you were using me for my body for a minute there, babe."

You full on laughed, breaking away from his eager lips to let it out, your hands clutching his cheeks and your legs squashing his body atop yours from where they were wrapped around his waist. "You're such a fucker, J." He kissed along your jaw in response, biting down softly. "God, that weed must have been some new level shit."

"Nah," JJ shook his head and grinned. "You just drive me crazy, babygirl." His hands wandered from your ribs higher till his fingertips just slipped under the material of your bikini top. He pressed a further series of tender kisses to your chest, trailing them down and then back up to meet your lips once more. He gazed lovingly at you, looking golden in the sunlight. "I love you too, by the way. Just so y'know."

You grinned softly, catching his bottom lip with your teeth when he began to pull away, pulling a delicious groan from him. "I know," you echoed back to him, lips raising on their own accord to match JJ's almost shy smile at your declaration. "Hey, can we stay home today? Wanna watch the sunset with you later."

JJ snorted, laying one last lingering kiss to your lips before snuggling back into your neck, his eyelashes brushing against your delicate skin. "Whatever you want baby," he chuckled, breath warm. "Whatever you want."

Yours and JJ's (now established, thankfully) relationship only progessed from there; it was in the little things, spending every moment you could get with each other, always touching in some kind of way whether it to be hands curled around one another's, fingers dancing on skin, shoulders and arms brushing, legs squished beside each other. It was all new, and it was all so exciting, and any worries that the two of you may had shared earlier vanished and in their wake came new thoughts of the future, of which you'd spend together.

If the gang had noticed the change, they hadn't mentioned it. Though you already knew Kie suspected something a long time ago, and probably Pope and John B too, due to JJ's little episode at the kegger that time. But you and JJ rejoiced in the unknown, relationship growing stronger each day all the while. You weren't trying to hide it - god forbid, you'd both been waiting so long for it, but you hadn't officially announced you were boyfriend and girlfriend either. There wasn't anything to say, you thought. The relationship came naturally, years of close friendship gradually turning into something more for the pair of you, and you'd both agreed it would be way funnier for the gang to come to their own conclusions and confront you about it themselves. However long that would take them.

The Pogues had driven the HMS Pogue out to the marsh, planning on drinking, swimming and simply hanging out for the day. Sarah had joined you on that particular day, body pressed close to John B's as the group lounged around on the boat, you and JJ wrapped around each other as usual.

His muscular arm was wrapped around your shoulders as you sprawled out close together, your legs thrown over his as your body angled towards his own, head resting on his shoulder. Your hands held the one thrown over you, absentmindedly playing with his ring adorned fingers. His other gripped your knee laying over his, thumb rubbing gentle patterns into the tanned skin there.

Nobody had mentioned your closeness - it was nothing new, the pair of you had always been so close, always touching even before becoming a couple. But Sarah wasn't as close with you as the others, and though she was aware of how close you and JJ were, she wasn't as up to date with everything like everyone else. You'd had no idea that she always just assumed the pair of you were dating, until that day.

"So, you guys are like, a couple right?" She'd asked out of the blue, eyes directed onto you and JJ. Kie suddenly sat up straight, sunglasses raising to rest atop her head rather than on her nose, Pope beside her seemingly taking as much interest, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he listened.

From beside Sarah, John B laughed and shook his head. "Everyone thinks that," he grinned, looking to you and JJ who shared a knowing glance. Sarah looked at him in confusion. "They can't help it though, their sexual tension is through the roof."

Sarah looked even more confused. "Wait, so you guys aren't together?"

JJ cleared his throat, arm tightening around your shoulders. You squeezed his hand as you stared up at him, smiling softly at his uncertain gaze. Once he'd met your eyes, the uncertainty faded away and in its place came a cheeky kind of look, mischievous and so attractive that you had to hold yourself back from kissing him right then and there. You knew it was time to come clean; and you thought it would scare you, your relationship suddenly becoming so real, but the thought only made your insides twist and churn with nothing but excitement.

You looked back at Sarah, who's gaze was still on the pair of you, as well as everyone elses. You noted the almost giddy expression on Kie's face, the barely suppressed curiosity on Pope's, and the suddenly confused one of John B's. You almost laughed, but held it in to say, "Actually, yeah. JJ and I are together."

JJ squeezed you gently as the reactions from your friends began. Kie grinned smugly, Sarah smiled at the two of you, John B raised his eyebrows so high they almost got lost beneath his hat, and Pope slapped his knees before he lurched backwards with his arms raised above his head.

"I knew it, man," Pope shook his head, though a smile was growing on his handsome features. "I knew something's been up with you two."

You laughed as Kie scoffed, "You knew? I had it figured out from the very beginning, I could tell something had changed." She eyed you. "And I was specifically told that nothing was going on, you big fat liar!"

"I'm sorry," you chuckled. "In my defence, when you asked me about it then I actually didn't know if we were like, together together. We hadn't spoken about it yet."

JJ grinned and pulled your body closer, leaning down and pressing a sloppy kiss to the top of your head as your face was mushed into his bare chest. "Yeah, and who can blame her for wanting to keep my Sex God body all to herself?" He asked rhetorically, laughing when you slapped him on the chest with a playful eye roll.

"Wait, so are you a couple now?" John B questioned, puzzled. He looked between the pair of you, your arms wrapped around his waist, one of his still around your shoulder and hand resting between your boobs. The other brushed hair from your face, JJ's gaze loving and soft as he looked down at you before looking back towards his best friend. John B scrunched his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't tell anyone man," JJ shrugged carelessly. His fingers had began to play with your hair. "Figured it would be funnier for you guys to find out yourselves," he grinned. "So congratulations, you guys now know. Your reward is the knowledge that we fuck now!"

The gang groaned at his ludicrous words, and you slapped his chest with more force than you had before, just slightly as you scoffed and attempted to raise your head and move position to get a good look at him, but all JJ did was grab your hand and pull it upwards to his lips, kissing each of your knuckles instead.

You rolled as your eyes as you turned back to your friends. "We're sorry about not telling you," you said almost sheepishly. "We only really figured out what this was between us a few days ago, and by that time we just kinda forgot to mention it. This whole thing just kinda happened, we didn't know if it would last or become serious."

"And it has become serious now?" Pope voiced everyone's thoughts, glancing between the two of you. "Like, you're together as a couple. You love each other?"

You and JJ shared a look, the pair of you smiling softly as your hand raised and brushed the blonde strands of hair that fell over his brow, his own reaching up and holding the side of your jaw, his thumb swiping along your cheek lovingly. The others shared glances, unknown to you and JJ as you seemed to be lost inside your own little world for a moment.

When you came to again, you never turned from his eyes, watching the sea blue irises light up at your words; "Yeah, I love him, the fucker."

You heard a collective round of replies, but the feel of JJ's lips on yours for a second forced your attention on him and only him, your hands on his cheeks as you held him there for a full minute before pulling away, leaving a couple more little pecks on his lips. He whispered, "I love you." before he turned his attention to your friends, your smile so bright.

"I thought she'd get bored of me," he revealed unexpectedly. The Pogues (plus Sarah) all looked to him with various expressions of confusion, your own face matching theirs for a moment. JJ felt a smile tug on his lips as your hands massaged his scalp, nails scraping gently against the skin beneath. "But of course she couldn't, I mean I'm the fucking best am I not?"

The gang rolled their eyes as his normal cheeky expression returned, though they all smiled at the pair of you cuddled close together on the seats of the HMS Pogue, realising it was the happiest they'd ever seen the both of you. John B let out a sigh, shaking his head in disbelief. "Well, it's about time anyway."

And just like that, everything went back to normal. You knew they'd have more questions in the future, prepared to answer any and every one of them when they came. But your little group swayed their attention elsewhere sat out on their little boat, laughing and joking at the next topic of conversation, bright eyes and giddy smiles on every face as you drank, swam and sunbathed out there on the marsh. JJ was only looking at you though, skin golden and blue eyes shining. You loved him, you thought. How could he ever think you'd get bored of him, with his charm and quick witted words, sarcastic drawl and tendency to get into trouble, his obsession with weed and putting others before himself always, his beautiful mind and ridiculously good looks to match. He was yours, all yours. And you loved him. JJ grinned. "Are you bored yet?" He asked, just once, loving the sound of your giggle as you shook your head at his antics. "No? Good, because I'm never gonna get bored of you."

[euphoricsunflowers]

happy without you — im changkyun/i.m

a/n: the summary is purposefully misleading darlings don’t you worry.

a/n: based off of happy without me on the best album this year: all about luv.

word count: 1.3k

content: sub!changkyun, dom!fem!reader, this ones for the tall bitches such as myself, oral (reader’s recieving), we’re a lil rough w him but he’s okay w it, angst!!

summary: you and changkyun broke up months ago, and while you’ve been doing well, he hasn’t… but now that you’re both at a party, he makes it his life’s mission to wreck you.

do you think about me sometimes? ‘cause i think about you sometimes…

it hurts more than he wants it to. it hurts more than he’ll admit. he doesn’t want to think about all the times you’ve smiled and laughed and joked and lived without him, and he surely doesn’t want to think about just how little you need him. because you don’t need him, and that’s not something he wants to accept.

what was her name? the name of that new friend that introduced you to all the people who’s parties you attend what feels like all the time? it feels like you’re trying to fill a void, but he knows you’re not. you’re genuinely happy, and he doesn’t get that. you used to hate going out, or was that just him? did you not want to go out because of him? was your relationship that toxic?

so he sits here, at the island in the kitchen of a friend who invited him to their party, as if they didn’t know the irony of him being present. he’s miserable. he hates parties just as much as you seem to love them. he drinks water because he can’t fathom being drunk right now, with the mood he’s in he’s really not wanting to be vomiting on himself, thank you very much.

and some stupid part of his brain, in the very deep recesses of his mind, wonder if you’ll be at this party. surely his friend wouldn’t be stupid enough or cruel enough to put him through that right?...right?

well, sure enough, he hears the familiar cacophony of laughter that rings in his head just like yours does. he sees the familiar smile, even if it’s not aimed at him, when you greet the very same friend who invited him. splendid.

enough time passes to where he’s sure you haven’t noticed him, which for the most part, even if it somewhat hurts him, is good, but now that stupid part of his brain is back to thinking about you. what if he approached you? what if he just tried to talk? you’re still friends, you didn’t end on bad terms, in fact he was the one that broke up with you, saying he needed space, but the idea of trying to talk to you felt stupid now.

until he was already doing it.

“changkyun?” you mutter in shock, before smiling. he can’t tell if it’s fake or not, but he can tell there’s no love in the way you look at him anymore and it stings, “it’s so nice to see you! oh, it’s been too long, how have you been?”

he fakes a smile, taking a sip of his water, “i’ve been alright. i see you’re going to parties a lot now. enjoying yourself?”

“yeah!” you smile excitedly, “i’m meeting a lot of new people and making friends and connections and having a lot of good times! i could take you along sometimes if you want, they’re really fun if you let go and loosen up a bit!”

“maybe i’ll take you up on that,” he murmurs, but he won’t. he absolutely never wants to go to another godforsaken party and he especially doesn’t want to go if he can’t be all up on you like he’s dying to be right now, “can i tell you a secret?”

“sure, changs, what is it?” you ask, but all he can think about is that name. god, not that nickname, because it just sparked a small flame called hope in his chest and he needs to remember what he’s doing here.

because… there’s no getting you back and going back to the way things were. and if the only way he can have you in his arms is by lust instead of love, then fine, you got him, “i miss you, mommy.”

your demeanor changes instantly, and he can’t tell if you liked the comment or not, but it definitely made an impact, “do you now, kitten?”

he wants to sigh in relief and hold his breath in excitement simultaneously, but resting his head on your shoulder and leaving soft kisses on your neck will suffice, “y-yeah. no one makes me feel like you do.”

“then maybe you shouldn’t have broken up with me,” you mutter, much colder now, and he whimpers at your harsh tone. you’re not wrong, obviously, but it still hurts, “and instead of, i don’t know, trying to make it up to me, you choose to just say ‘mommy, i miss you’ and think you’ll have me wrapped around your finger?”

despite the loud chatter around you, changkyun can’t stand the silence enveloping the both of you. he wants to mutter an apology, even just a quick “sorry” is better than just sitting here, but you stand up from your seat, pulling him against you before he even has the chance, “god you’re so fucking lucky, kitten, you’re so lucky i’m feeling nice tonight.”

as you pull him into an empty bedroom and lock the door, you all but throw him on the bed, crawling on top of him and eyeing him like a predator would its prey. you’ve always been taller, but god he really feels just how small he is.

“tell me, my darling kitten,” you muse, “do you regret it?”

“yes,” he whispers, in a heartbeat. no lies, no hesitation, no nothing. he’s sure of the fact that if he could go back, he wouldn’t do what he did, “i shouldn’t have hurt you like that. so please, use me.”

“oh? you want me to use you? elaborate, will you?”

“w-well, i hurt you a lot emotionally, right? so take it out on my body. all that anger and pain, take it out on me. leave every permanent mark on me that you want, slap me, hit me, make me bleed, i don’t care,” he looks into your eyes, seeing the first sliver of genuine emotion he can’t quite pin, but he knows it’s real, “just use me for all your desires, i’ll be your toy to play with.”

you groan at his words, because god they were really turning you on. you move off of him, pulling him towards you and pushing his head lower. he gets the idea immediately, moving any clothing out of the way quickly before immediately devouring you. he groans and makes a lot of lewd sounds as he tongue fucks you, stimulating your clit with both his nose and sucking on it every now and then.

no words are exchanged at this point, which is odd. you’re usually sweet talking to him or degrading him or something, and your fingers are usually threading through his hair or pulling at it but they’re still, and you’re just quietly watching him, moaning whenever it feels really good. he tries to keep eye contact, watching you even as you hold his head down, but you don’t really let him. he gives up, just trying to get you off at this point. he can tell you’re getting close because you’re holding him tighter, to the point where it’s hard to breathe (not like he really cares). you moan out one last time, surprising changkyun with the volume. he continues to eat you out, trying to help you through the orgasm as you grind against his face, until you let go and he’s finally able to breathe.

you spend the next few minutes just breathing while he sits on the floor in front of you, until you motion for him to come closer. you spread your arms out and he honestly wants to cry at how comforting your hold is. the question burns in his mind, but you answer it before he even tries to ask, “i’m not sure what’s gonna happen now, kyun. i don’t know what we are or what i want us to be, but if you don’t give up on us, i won’t give up on you.”

maybe there was considerable making up to do that was more than just eating you out, but at least the hope that burned in his chest felt worth having.

i don’t think about you sometimes... ‘cause i think about you all the time.

—

taglist: @lovingonrepeat @neosincity @sub-hoshi-enthusiast @staranonthoughts @maknaeronix @multidreams-and-desires @mellowriting @baa-nana @foenixs @sunflowerkeen @vanillaknj

[hatsukeii]

One where y/n has been obviously in love with Tsuki since they were kids and not afraid to show it, but he’s always been lowkey mean to her and thinks she’s annoying and then finally years later she decides he’s not a nice guy and let’s him know she’s fine with all that crap and then he realizes he’s falling for her and does something really sweet for her and they fall in love? 😭😭🥺👉🏻👈🏻 ty in advance. Sorry if this is too long or specific, if it is, feel free to ignore

I genuinely hope you didn’t think I would actually ignore this<33

IM SORRY IM A MASTER PROCRASTINATOR ILY ALL AND YOU ALL DESERVE AN APOLOGY FROM ME

Dear diary//Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k+

Warnings: Cursing

Genre: Angst??? I guess???

Summary: He’s an ass, but you still love him to bits, and it’s killing you.

July 16, 2008

Dear Diary,

I got to play with Tsukki again! He had his dino with him, it was super cute! He told me his front teeth came off last night, and there’s a big hole in his teeth, but it’s okay, because he said it will grow back. I tried to hold his hand while going down the twin slides but he said it was sweaty, so next time I’ll wear gloves!

You flip through the hot pink diary, cringing at your young infatuation. Your diary entries were cringey as fuck, but they always rekindle something within you whenever you read them. You can’t even remember when you stopped writing in the book. Was it when you turned 10? Maybe 12? You don’t have a single clue.

April 30, 2011

Dear Diary,

Tsukki refused to marry me in the playground at break:(( I’ve known him for so long though, aren’t we supposed to get married? I just wanna hold his hand and hug him and give him a biiiiig kiss<33

Chuckling at the memory, you recalled the event from that entry clearly. You were seven years old only, still an immature kid. You still thought that getting married in a middle school playground was a huge milestone in life, almost as crucial as a legal marriage.

May 29, 2016

Dear Diary,

Love how Tsukki didn’t even remember my birthday:,) Must be nice getting made fun of. Half the students in my class felt my second hand embarrassment from when he completely forgot about it. God, why am I even in love with this asshole? I’m gonna have to go to school tomorrow and deal with all my classmates making fun of me for being hopeless. Brb, currently digging a hole for myself:)

Frowning at the memory, you think back to when you were twelve. He was an asshole then, still is an asshole to this day. And yet not an ounce of your unconditional love and support for him has faded. Grabbing a tissue, you wipe the remaining tears from your eyes, ignoring the dried tear stains on your cheek. Your hand slams onto the bedside table, lazily feeling for your phone. Tilting it towards your face, you sigh at the empty lock screen, accepting defeat. Flicking through the rest of the book, you are welcomed by pages and pages of white. “So that’s when I gave up on this diary...” you mutter to yourself as you lift yourself up from your bed. Heading towards your desk, you absentmindedly grab yourself a pen, notebook in hand. Slamming the diary down, you open it up to the next entry page after your last one, gently placing the tip of your pen on the first line. You grab your hair out of frustration, the ink bleeding into the thin paper. “What to do, what to do...?” You mumble, starting to form sentences in your notebook.

July 17, 2020

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while hasn’t it? Holy shit, all my entries were about Tsukki weren’t they? Jesus, of course they were. At least I was able to get it off my chest this afternoon. Telling him that I’ve been in love with him for years, that was fucking terrifying. Telling him that although I know he’s an ass, an animatronic dick complete with ballsack, that won’t stop me from falling harder, it was gut wrenching, but also relieving to a certain degree. I’m still waiting for some form of response, although I’m not sure I’m gonna get one anytime soon. I can’t decide whether telling him was the dumbest or bravest decision I’ve made. Maybe it was both. Just wait until I look back on this entry like a decade later and still cry about it lmao. Tbh he’s a genuinely nice person at heart. I know that all too well. He may be an ass most the time, and he may think I’m annoying, but despite how hard he tries to push me away, I’ll never abandon him. Jesus Christ, I sound like a yandere here, but it’s not that. It’s that I care for him a lot. Maybe even a bit too much. It’s ridiculous how absolute and utter shit a crush can make you feel.

Throwing the pen down, you flop back onto your bed, huffing into the thick blankets. You stay silent, not sure of what to think of the situation. “I’ll just deal with it all tomorrow, I’m tired of this shit.”

On the other side of the incident, Tsukishima is currently going through a mental crisis.

The blond sits at his desk, eyes unwavering, but focusing on nothing. It feels as if he hasn’t blinked in what seemed to be hours. Just hours of staring at his wall that led to nothing. Your confession plays in his head nonstop, like a broken record that refused to run out of battery.

“The thing is I like you. I’m pretty sure I always have. And I know that you’re such an asshole and all that, you won’t treat me as well as people would expect, but it’s fine. I’m fine with all that. All the dumb, stupid, careless insults you’ll throw at me, the side eyes and sneers, telling me to shut up and go away, I’m fine with it. I know you’re a good person, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Well shit what the fuck do you want me to say?”

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

Maybe he should have let you down slowly.

But as he stares at his wall, the photos of the two of you framed and balanced on his floating shelves, he starts to reconsider his feelings.

The way your expression faltered then as you hastily took your bag and rushed away without a single word, the way you avoided him in the halls, the way you stopped talking to him throughout the day, it drove him crazy. He couldn’t handle the realisation that he hurt you so incredibly badly, so now all he can do is stare at his empty, blank wall. Did he know why he felt that way? No. He didn’t and still doesn’t. He’s Tsukishima fucking Kei, the emotionless, provoking, unlikeable king, yet a mere girl is somehow able to mess with his mind so badly, that all he can do is wallow in regret and confusion? What is this weird feeling? His throat itches, his heart is beating like crazy, sweat starting to gather around his temples. He clamps his two hands together, slamming his forehead onto them and squeezing his eyes shut.

How could I have been so dense?

How was he unable to see that you were absolutely in love with him? Even with the bento boxes, birthday gifts, constant compliments, he still only ever thought you liked him as a friend. However he never did. He likes you more than that. Way more. Yes, he thought, and still thinks you can be annoying at times, especially when you nag at him about not eating enough or being rude, but it was undeniable that there was something else he felt. But his stupid ass shitty ego would never let him admit it. And now that you finally confessed, he freaked out and fucked up. Even then, he didn’t think it would affect him to this extent.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you (Y/N).”

He says that over and over again, desperate to cloud out the disagreeing thoughts in his head that scream otherwise.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

The guilt didn’t go away.

In fact, now that he’s said all that, he feels even worse. Oh how much he wants to find you right this second, wrap you in his arms, tell you how incredibly sorry he is, but he can’t. He doesn’t deserve to do that. His heart is begging for him to just get out of the house and run to yours as fast as he could, but his body won’t move. He wants to cry. Scream. Shout. Throw something. Shatter something. But most of all, he wants to get another chance.

Picking up his phone, he hesitates, before typing in your contact, the cleared out, empty chatroom showing up on his screen. Going as fast as his fingers could, he typed out the one sentence he’s been dying to let out.

“It was a middle school crush, but I’m still into you. I always have been.”

Is it just me, or is this bad-

Idk man it seems like all my fics are pretty much the same and I hate it😌

Tags:

@sunshines-and-tatertots @izzyphantomgamer @justachillgirl @trashcanweeb @just-another-bored-writer @poppirocks @majorfangirl37 @kaylacinderella @random-fandomlover @tiger1719 @tiredgr3mlin @itmekisuu @skyeackermans @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @shoutsukii @agentvicinity @sakusasgarbage @kuroo-thought-of-a-better-un @sneezefiction @bokutokoutarou @thirstyvolleyballhoe @iwaixiumi @iwaigroomi @inlwlevi

Feel free to comment or pm to be added to taglist!

I’m back to writing lmao I’m bored in two week quarantine rn

Edit: cue me realising I was half asleep and missed something in the request don’t be surprised if I repost this💀💀💀💀

Btw the hq manga just ended time to cry

💕💕💕💕

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [01]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, mentions of smut in future chapters w.c; 2.7k a/n; after spending an entirety of june on this fic im proud to release it! this story is based on the prompt “I’m losing my mind!” for @btsghostiewritersnet​ BGW Bingo Bash! I hope you all enjoy this mini series and stay tuned for this wild ride

[01] [02] -> masterpost

“Just give it up!” Jungkook snaps, and you flinch at the sudden raise in voice level. Jungkook is a soft spoken person, only really having the audacity to speak up at the strength of his friends or when his body burns with attention after a performance. The fact that he chooses to use this tone around you, gets you seeing white hot. 

“How can I give up something that hasn’t even started?” you shoot back just as stubbornly. He won’t even let you in his room, and it pains you that he wants to fight out in the hallway where anyone could walk in and see. You glare at the heavy arms that bar your way inside, as if he’s creating a barrier for you, both emotionally and physically.

You hate this. For the past three months you’ve hated this version of yourself, manifested between the strained relationship of you and Jungkook. It pains you to see each other like this. Jungkook’s ears are tinged red with fever, simultaneously a little sick and a little annoyed at the fact that you wouldn’t let up. 

It wasn’t always mismatched stares and bouts of mixed signals whenever you two entered a room. There was a time when it being in each other’s presence was like a breath of fresh air, a bakery full of nothing but sweets and mouth-watering confections. That’s not to say that your relationship with Jungkook was, or is easy. After all, Jungkook chose a life that is never meant to be easy, no matter how far deep. 

But at the crux of everything, deep in your gut, you know that the both of you have that spark. 

“We can’t be together.” Jungkook states simply, pressing his coral lips together in a thin line. “My career! The traveling, the media, my crazy schedule, all of this, it doesn’t match.” 

It doesn’t match. Like the way a toddler puts a triangle block in a square space. In your opinion Jungkook is pointing out shallow, baseless reasons. You’ve gotten this far together, not quite addressing any officiality but leading to it. If all of his reasons really mattered, you wouldn’t be here right now. Unfortunately, Jungkook’s deciding to cut the line when the two of you have already sunk so deep. 

You’re both hurting, Jungkook doesn’t want to admit that. 

“But that doesn’t matter to me!” you reason, and you’re crumbling. Jungkook was once a fighter, too. Today, it feels like it’s just you who’s taking a stand, grappling on thin slices of thread that resemble what little confidence Jungkook has in the both of you. “I want to keep you grounded. I want to be the person you come home to.” 

Jungkook’s face reaches the final boss: a frustrating shade of scarlet, stunned at how shameless you are. You didn’t care, you know what you and Jungkook feel for each other is real. 

In a fit of emotion your hands reach for the crook of his elbow, grappling the black fabric between your fingers. It’s enough to ignite heat in your veins, starved of touch from so many nights apart and text messages that weren’t enough to convey how you truly felt. 

Jungkook’s eyes drag from your grip to your face, eyes glimmering. You look so small in the large hallway, empty and echoing between both your heaving breaths. There’s acute control in his expression, as if he’s grappling to reach both an inner and outer peace with himself. 

You bite your lip, sealing away your whimper of protest as he takes his hand in yours, untacking your grip. He’s not rough, but not gentle either as your hand pendulums to your lap. 

He turns his back to you, and for the first time you’re glad he looks away because the tears have already fallen. “Maybe in another world, we’d work out. But not this one.” Jungkook whispers, slamming the door to his studio. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

“Baby, it’s okay! You’ll find a new person to love!” The neverending flow of liquor and poetics is provided by none other than Sehlyung, a fellow employee you befriended after you got hired as a language teacher. 

You barely register Sehlyung’s hopeful smile through your misty eyes. Feeling bloated with liquid and far too tired to reply, you bob your head against the bar table. 

Sehlyung is the epitome of a fun time, and the first person you thought of to help quell your aching heart. A relationship that first started off as snide jokes and offhanded work qualms that eventually turned into a deep understanding and care for each other. After a long day of work she pulled through for you, showing up at the bar like a warrior in emerald green pencil slacks and an untucked blouse. At the edge of the bar she absentmindedly winds a lock of pale curly hair, sipping languidly from her electric blue beverage. 

“Listen, I get it. You think it’s the end of the world because Jungkook seems like the perfect catch—” the pretty blonde pauses when she notices your lip tremble, “but! He’s not that perfect, y’know. He—he sweats, sweats a lot, it’s like he’s freakin’ Niagara! It takes forever to get outfits on him in-between sets, it’s like clothing a wet noodle.” 

You choke back a laugh, shaking your head. “That is one flaw.” 

“A-and he’s very,” she starts waving her hands around, plucking the answer out of thin air, “competitive? Remember that one time Nabi said he couldn’t finish that whole loaf of milk bread? And then he accidentally ended up eating the parchment paper?” 

That has you in a fit of giggles, recalling how scared he was when his urge to make Nabi regret her words bit him right back in the butt. The hospital’s personal phone became number 8 on his speed dial shortly after. 

A fond, tentative smile melts on Sehlyung’s lips. At least you had it in in you to laugh, which Sehlyung knows is a good sign. She runs her fingers over your hair, forehead damp from your previous wallowing and overconsumption. ”You’re gonna find yourself a simple, wholesome partner! One who’s top-tier normie and will have all the time in the world for you!” 

You grimace at the thought, despite how uplifting that sounds. You once thought that was the only life for you, a nuclear family with two point five kids (the half point being a puppy, of course.) While you wouldn’t mind that kind of life, after meeting Jungkook you decided long ago that all you ever needed in a relationship was his company and combined happiness. 

“Time isn’t the issue,” you slur, voice warped from how your lips fall tiredly against your arm. “This issue is that he doesn’t want to try.” 

Sehlyung doesn’t say anything to that, but instead prefers to pour you another glass of liquid despair. Of course, she knew how Jungkook got. Sweet and caring, but headstrong, letting nothing get in the way of his music. 

Evidently, you’re one of those things. 

“Boys are dumb,” she says simply, swinging her head back. 

“I’ll be okay,” you murmur, “it just hurts. There’s no closure, y’know? I feel it, I feel so much love for him. And I know he feels, he feels something.” 

Sehlyung bites her lip, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Hey, I got you a gift.” 

That gets you to perk up, your head tipping a miniscule degree. She pulls out a glass, filled with a clear liquid. It’s small, almost vial-shaped, enough for barely two shots. Inside, there’s a young flower shaped like a bellsprout. 

“It’s angel wine,” she chirps, pulling your shot glass to give you a hearty pour. “The old lady was selling it when I was getting my mom her ginger wine.” 

“Hm, is it like ginseng?” you ask curiously, grabbing the now half-empty bottle where the wet flower sat. The bell shape, despite being bloated with residual wine, still clung vibrantly to the glass. The bumblebee yellow and sunset orange tint looking absolutely mesmerizing. However, you’ve never seen an infused liquor quite like this. 

“Think so,” Sehlyung shrugs, “I’m sure you’ll like it though! I told her about how you got dumped and she said you’d need this to cap off your night!” 

She snatches the bottle from your hands, making sure it’s sealed tight before slipping into your purse. “That wine’s special, baby,” she winks, “save it for yourself when you get home, alright?” 

“Gee, Lyungie,” you deadpan, swirling the fragrant liquid, “I’m so glad my boy drama is spreading to your wine dealer.” 

Your friend holds her own drink in a toast, urging you to drink up. You don’t need to be told twice, the floral liquid going down surprisingly smooth. It’s sweet, and your whole body tingles. It’s like the feeling of being outside, and the sun shines over your exposed skin like a warm kiss. For a brief moment, you feel like you’re seeing pink and orange, blissfully satiated. 

“Mm,” you hum, licking your lips in hopes the feeling will return to you, “that’s some good stuff, got anymore?” 

Sehlyung scoffs, only mildly jealous that you get that particular drink all to yourself. “I wish. An arm and a leg cost me that, my hometown is very far!” 

The rest of the night is a haze, a comfortable one. Sehlyung goes off about Namjoon and his countless wardrobe malfunctions, keeping her from going home on time one way too many nights. You talk about how you’re getting into real progress with Soobin’s English, and how he doesn’t complain his head hurts when he speaks in full sentences. Hopefully he isn’t too mad when you send him a pop quiz next Tuesday. 

Sehlyung’s cab drops you off first, and she bids you a hug and kiss goodbye. She tells you to come a little early before your first class, because she wants to redesign Seokjin’s blazer for a new shoot and she wants you to pick out the best crystals. 

You know she just wants to show off and that your opinion is minimal because most of the decisions are made weeks before, but the gesture is appreciated. From Sehlyung’s knowing gaze, you have a feeling that she’s also doing this because she wants to keep you at arm’s length for as long as possible. 

The cab zips away first, leaving you in front of your apartment complex. You’re teetering on your heels like an infant, and you’re surprised that you managed to fake-sober this far into the night. 

Speaking of. It’s beautiful outside. With a tired sigh, you wrap yourself further into your burgundy knitted scarf, begging for warmth. You feel a fresh bout of tears surfacing as you look onto the pale yellow moon, shrouded by thick ghosty clouds among the starless sky. You wonder if Jungkook is looking at the same moon, thinking the same thing. 

You shake your head and wipe your tears, absolving you of that romantic notion. Jungkook hasn’t had the time to look at the stars in so long. You imagine he’s probably either working or sleeping soundly in his bunk, completely oblivious of the semi-depressing night you’ve had. You don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse that Jungkook doesn’t have the opportunity to dwell on feelings for too long. 

The midnight sky starts to flicker, as if night and day are competing for dominance. Either that, or it’s really late in the night and early in the day. Your vision starts to blur, and you wonder if the secretary at the front desk would be so kind as to help you up to your apartment. It’s embarrassing, but it’s better than you cracking your skull open in the middle of the hallway where anyone can find you. You clutch your head, bemoaning on how much alcohol must be running through your blood if you’re hallucinating this much. 

Wiping your bleary face, you dig into your purse for your keys. Upon pulling out the key your favorite lip balm rolls onto the street. A little part of you feels like leaving it behind so you can get to bed, but it’s your favorite one and you are so close to finishing it. Muttering a curse at the thought of bending down at the possibility of you vomiting in public, you quickly scramble to the ground. Your knees buck at the pavement, tiny stones digging into your skin. Focusing your gaze on the pink and blue plastic, you reach for the glittery tube. 

Unfortunately, you’re not quick enough to notice the moving truck swerve the corner and skid towards your body. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

The first thing you notice is that it’s unbearably bright. Like when you vegetate in a dark classroom watching a movie, and the teacher suddenly flips the lights on without warning and your brain panics from the shock. 

You’re also painfully sober, as if you didn’t have a liquor-based dinner. Your bladder doesn’t feel like a small child is sitting on it, and you’re wide awake. 

Someone’s yelling at you, their voice shrill from emotion yet gravely from the early morning. Suddenly there’s a whip of hot air against your hair and a harsh skid as the smell of tire on gravel fills your nose. You’re on sensory overload, and you don’t have the capacity to care about your surroundings. 

This is probably the third time you have to mentally repeat to yourself that it’s daytime, the sun shining brightly on your fallen form. Your body is splayed out in a half-starfish position, and you quickly close your legs in fear of someone seeing up your skirt. You put up a hand to cover your face, and it’s instantly snatched up by a larger one. 

“Hey, hey! Are you okay? I know I turned the corner pretty fast, but you shouldn’t be standing in the middle of the street like that!” the person calling you sounds frantic, frustrated at your lack of response. 

Your eyes flicker to the small jet black cruiser strewn across the sidewalk, haphazardly parked. Fingers curling around the person’s hand, you look up at their face and scream. 

It’s now their turn to collapse on the floor, eyes wide and terrified. Their soft black hair is fluffy and sweaty from using their helmet, now rolling away from their grip. 

“What?” he screams back, as if there’s something on his face. His hand whips up to clutch his collar, undoing the top button because he’s starting to sweat profusely. “Are you really injured? Do I need to call an ambulance or something—” 

“Jungkook!” you cry, ripping the woolen scarf from your neck to wrap it around the top half of his face. You scramble between his legs, making sure his piercings, tattoos and any other identifiable part of his body is concealed. You don’t even think about your fight from last night, knowing that it’s miniscule in comparison to Jungkook being swarmed by PR. “Kook, what the fuck? It’s broad daylight, you can’t be out like this without a mask! Where on earth did you hide that bike? Why—are you wearing fucking pastel green? Since when have you added color to your wardrobe?” the boy noticeably pauses at the attention to his outfit, tensing under your ministrations. “Dispatch will have your ass and the devil Min Yoongi’ll kill you again for sneaking out—”

It’s then that Jungkook snaps, two strong arms pushing you away like paper. You don’t expect Jungkook to ever lay a hand on you, and with a surprised yelp you’re painfully shoved onto the pavement.  

“Get off of me!” he cries, and throws your scarf on your lap. “Who the hell are you and why do you know my name?” 

He’s scared, holding his helmet like you’ve burned him. His doe eyes are glistening and dewy, as if you’re someone he should be running away from. 

“Jungkook—” and as you hold out your hand to him, you realize. 

I’m losing my mind, you think, clutching your head to double-check no injury has come to your brain. His hair is much, much longer. It waves and falls into his eyes, as if he’s just gotten out of bed. He’s wearing a backpack, and you notice some crumpled post-its sticking out of the zipper. Clipped around his neck is a university ID. Heck, he isn’t even wearing an outfit you recognize. Gone are the cargos and oversized sweats, replaced with professionally tapered dress pants and a plain polo. 

Is...  is Jungkook wearing khakis? 

It’s daylight, you’re sober, and the Jungkook that’s standing in front of you is not your Jungkook. 

[actualbird]

So I realise I've been sending a lot of asks that almost always vary in length from Long to Really Long and I'm very sorry if it gets annoying xgjxjg I'll slow down on the asks if it is!

So I'm gonna get in on cn server content screaming because evERYONE IS SO GORGEOUS????? I love them so much they all look so good I'm terrified of what's coming next. We had the exact same observation with Luke on the ground fgkfyi it looks like they're literally in the middle of entering did he just randomly crouch the minute he was in?? Is this something he just does casually? Did he do it in the Manor of Hermes too? I'm making this a habit of his.

Forget all the boys giving mc layers Marius alone could probably shed enough layers to keep mc warm and still remain bundled up. He looks like he's dressed for an expedition to the Arctic while mc looks she's on a day out in town when the weather is kind of cold.

About limited events, it is a lot like ongoing tv shows, I hadn't thought about it like that! Jumbled events really can mess up a story and its progression. I don't think there are words in the English language to describe how I felt when playing through the main story of an otome, having a character threaten to kill the mc very painfully and then opening the ongoing event and seeing said character say heartfelt romantic lines to mc with a kiss scene at the end. It was a very surreal experience and honestly kind of hilarious.

xfjzfhxj poor Artem being put on the spot like that. The team will love Dirt Leaf and their name will be part of the reason why. Vyn will probably incorporate Dirt Leaf into his campaigns and make the rest cry over them somehow. Watch as the backstory behind Dirt Leaf's name is revealed to be one of the saddest things Vyn has ever come up with.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SKIRMISH CONTENT!!! I will never regret asking people about their dnd characters it's always just So Nice to hear about them!! Their backstory is really interesting and I really like how they got their name! And the fanfic. The Fanfic. I'm so tempted to give a piece by piece recount of all the parts I loved but I'm pretty sure that would cause this ask to hit the word limit so I will try to condense it. I'm a sucker for repetition in writing, in music, in film, in Literally Everything. You used repitition Wonderfully in that fic. Everytime I read "tell me something real" it evoked a different emotion in me and tied the story together so well. I knew how it would end and Still I was hoping for a happy ending and my heart broke when it didn't happen. In summary I care Skirmish so much I wish nothing but the best for them.

THEIR ANTICS ARE SO FUN!!! Every single thing you shared brought me so much joy. Personal favourite is definitely their made up story about the sword fhifgii that one really backfired on you. Honestly though props to you for actually being able to improvise that long of a story! I'm pretty impressed! I absolutely would have floundered halfway through that.

Again thank you so much for the Skirmish lore! I really, really enjoyed reading all of it!

🌌

EYYO, MILKYWAY :DDD

all this is in response to events Yesterday and man, made me realize i talk about SO MUCH IN ONE DAY DSKFJKJFS but i'll keep this response brief cuz ur other ask is making me go feral and i wanna get to that

god, the cn server event. they all look so good in the cards and the invite but kjbkbKJBKJD YEAH LUKE IMMEDIATELY GOES TO THE FLOOR AND EVERYBODY LOOKS TO BE WALKING. headcanon accepted, he does this all the time. any investigation, hes crouching on the floor immediately. and marius has enough layers to warm the whole team LMAO

kbKBKSGBSKDJKGS THE EXPERIENCE U MENTIONED BOUT THAT ONE GAME SOUNDS INSANE, IT MUSTVE BEEN A WILD RIDE.

ur so right about Dirt Leaf and i cant believe vyn is gonna make the whole team cry about Dirt Leaf.

and waaaWAAAAAA IM SO GLAD U LIKED THE FICCCCCC. i too am a slut for repetition especially when each repetition gains a new meaning and context as stories progress and just HHHH THANK U FOR UR KIND WORDS BOTH ABOUT THE FIC AND ABOUT SKIRMS, MY BASTARD CREATION!! i also care them dearly :((

thank YOU so much for the enthusiasm uve got for stuff i make here, be it dumb posts pointing out funny stuff or my non fandom ramblings, it means a lot to me <3

[xserpentlife]

Flower

Requested: yes! - hi! can you do a sweet pea imagine where he and the reader have a love-hate type of relationship and are always on each other’s throats but one night they are at a party and the reader is sh*t face drunk and starts to tell sweet pea about her feelings and sp takes her home (just to sleep of course) and when they wake up the reader is embarrassed but sp confesses his feelings too? thanks :)

A/N: here is a full size fic for yall <3

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1645

You and Sweet Pea always had a sweet and sour type of relationship. You would make cookies and he would tell you how gross they were while everyone else would enjoy them, but what you didn’t know was that he was secretly throwing a few in his bag for later because they were his absolute favorite. But more than that you were always at each other's throats, a love hate if you would. A type of relationship where there was always teasing with a hint of care involved.

You watched Sweet Pea saunter away at the bar, he was talking to you until a girl walked up grabbing all his attention. You hated that shit that Sweet Pea did. It was something that always got under your skin. You walked over talking to Fangs, before you could do something you’d regret.

“Hey”

“Hey Y/N how’s my girl?”

“I’m good Fangsy how are you, how’s Kev”

“The love of my life ya know”

“I’m so happy you guys are good”

“Thanks, how's everything with you?”

“Well other than Pea, walking away during our conversation to go talk to bimbo barbie over there I would say all good”

“Oh God, not again” you look over to Pea pushed up against the pool table, barbie on top of him practically. You walk over grabbing her by the hair.

“OW, OW, OW”

“Hands off bimbo barbie”

“What the fuck!”

“You heard me!”

“Well he is mine”

“Oh no sweet cheeks no one owns anyone here, we don’t do that, i mean at least not without permission” you sent a wink around to a few of the others

“Oh please, he loved it” Pea tried to step in but you pushed him into a chair

“Out of the club now!”

“Or what”

“Wanna try?” she grabbed her purse and left without another word, you turned around walking out the back door before Pea could say anything, you could see the anger coursing through him. Pea never liked when you fought his battles, but he also never liked when girls did things like that and you knew it, sometimes you just had to protect those you care about even when they piss you off.

“Did seeing her all over me get your panties in a bunch sweet cheeks” he chuckled to himself lowly

“Oh piss off petunia” Sweet Pea rolled his eyes as you walked away back to your trailer, he couldn’t wait to see you the next day, just so he could annoy the shit out of you

              -------------------------------------------------------------------

You watched Sweet Pea walk ahead of you, his flannel flapping in the wind around his waist as he pushed Fangs into the dust covered parking lot, causing a car alarm to go off as Fangs banged into it. You realized you were cold, the slight chill that filled the air ran though your body as you realized you forgot to put your jacket on this morning. You laughed to yourself and realized how easy it would be to steal Pea’s flannel. They all turned back to you, as you looked up shrugging and they turned back around. You thought about your plan, before saying fuck it, bolting foward, grabbing the front tie and ripping it from his waist.

“The fuck!, Come back here” He ran after you around the entire parking lot, until he caught up with you trapping you with his arm against the back corner of the school.

“Got ya”

“Can I keep it” you smiled up at him

“C’mon Y/N”

“Please Pea im coooldddddd”

“Fine”

“Yay” you slipped it on missing the smile that spread across his face.

“C’mon we’re gonna be late”

“We’ll be fine” you walked into the school doors the bell ringing as you did

“See I told you”

“You know you’re a pain in my ass right”

“The fuck did I do Pea?”

“I don’t know exist” you rolled your eyes walking into the hall of the school before making your way to the lounge. You placed your bag on the floor, before sitting on the couch. You watch Reggie walk in from the corner of the room as Fangs and Pea instantly tense up, he sat next to you on the couch as you scooted closer to the edge, his arm coming around you.

“Hey”

“Can I help you”

“I mean what are you offering?”

“Are you fucking serious, get the fuck out” you rolled your eyes before standing up, his hand snaking around your wrist

“Get off”, Pea stepped forward his hand on Reggies shoulder, his eyes staring into his soul as you looked up

“She said get off”

“Pea pushed him off, as Fangs and Jughead came up behind you”, after Reggie scattered out of the room, Jughead and Fangs walked off. “Are you ok?”

“Look rose I can handle myself” You walkd off before he lightly held you back

“I’m so fucking sick of you, you know that, you ever stop to think that you can let other people care about you” you looked at him before sauntering out of the room and to your class

               -------------------------------------------------------------------

The party was going strong. The warmness of the booze coursing through your body. You felt free. You felt like you could tell the world anything  you needed to. You could let out every secret you ever had. You always had been a truthful drunk. I mean you could keep others secrets but never your own, so when you saw Sweet Pea staring at you from across the way you began to saunter towards him, a jock making his way in front of you before you could make it completely across the floor.

“Uh  hi Pete”

“Hey babe”

“Huh?” Pete definitely was not your babe his hands began trailing along your side as he began dancing along with you, you pulled away making your way over to Sweet Pea as you noticed he had pushed off the wall and was making his way towards you

“Hey”

“Hey”

“Dance with me” Parties were the one place that Pea could dance with you and you wouldn’t remember, when you were piss ass drunk you could barely remember what you did the next day. He watched you like a hawk during those nights, making sure nothing bad happened. But he also made sure that you had fun. Dancing with you when you wanted and all of that. It never made sense to him though, considering the fact that you always fought with him during the day and then partied with him at night, but he never second-guessed it. I mean in his mind at least pissing you off made you think about him. He was happy to fight with you during the day and protect you at night.

“Okay” you slowly started dancing with Pea to the beat of the song that played in the background. You looked up at him, the smile that spread on his face showing a man that looked as if the world faded out around him, a smile that didn’t show often. You needed to tell him.

“Hey Peaaaaaa”

“Hmm?”

“Did I ever tell you that you’re my best friend…”

“I don’t kn…”

“And that even more than that I think that I love you, and that when you’re with other girls it makes me want to scream, and that sometimes at night I…”

“Okay uhm, I think it’s time we get going, wanna get some food? Go home and go to bed huh? Sounds like fun?”

“What was I saying before?”

“You wanted to get food…” “Mhm I do”

“Okay let’s go then”

The drive to the trailer was quiet, on the way Pea stopped and got your favorite, Pops chicken nuggets with a shake. You ate it in the truck on the way to your trailer. He turned on the radio, your favorite station playing in the background as his fingers tapped to the tune of the beat. You’re eyes began to shut, as the vibrations and the music put you to sleep ever so slowly.

               -------------------------------------------------------------------

You wake up the next morning confused out of your mind, hard pounding as the realization hits you that you told Pea exactly the way you felt. You hoped that he would just forget about it, that he too was just as drunk as you. You couldn’t remember how you got home. Maybe it was Jughead, or maybe it was Fangs. You looked over to a body in your bed as you screamed rolling off the side.

“Fuck”

“Are you okay!”

“Pea what the fuck! Why are you…”

“We didn’t…”

“No shit, but why are you in my bed!”

“I didn’t wanna leave, you asked me not to number one, but also you were really drunk, I saw some guys riding around on bikes outside, guys from the highschool, probably from Southside, joyrides I guess, they didn’t see me bring you in but I didn’t wanna take any chances”

“Like I said before daisy…”

“I know, I know you can take care of yourself but…” he came over outstretching his hand as you grabbed it standing up

“Like I said before too, you don’t always have to and after last night I don’t think you want to”

“What?”

“I know you remember”

“I don’t...” you go to walk out of the room before Sweet Pea blocks you, his hand coming up on your face, his eyes looking in yours giving you a second to pull away if you chose too, but you didn’t. His lips landed on yours ever so softly as he backed you up into the wall.

“Wow”

“So about that not remembering… I like you too”

“Shut up Sweet Pea” you grabbed his shirt pulling his face to yours

“Oh my god!”

“What!”

“I’m finally the right flower!” you smacked him laughing at the blush that flooded his cheeks

[gottlem]

‘let me go’ but like angsty lemyanka maybe if lemon is moving back to nyc from toronto 💔

here u go ! the most angsty thing i have ever written and will probably ever write. i havent proofread it bc its late, im tired and i got a bit carried away and ended up writing 1.7k words so.... yeah. hope u like it ! <3

“let me go”

Lemon and Priyanka were clearly in love. Everyone knew it, everyone could see. Deep down, they both knew that they were, but no matter how many times they ended up in eachothers beds, it just never came up. Because if it did, well, Lemon’s not too sure what would happen. But it would be a lot, maybe too much. So she decided to stick with friends with benefits, nothing more, and it worked. For a while. Until she didn’t know what counted as overstepping anymore and calling Priyanka her friend just felt like a lie, even though it wasn’t, not really. But the ‘not really’ part is what fucked her up. 

Lemon could only deal with so much. She had her walls, they were strong and tall and Priyanka was the only one who could get through, but they just didn’t feel like they were protecting her anymore. One day, she feared they would become a little too high, a little too unstable, and crush her. And she didn’t want Priyanka to have to deal with that. 

She had already made the decision to move back to New York before she even admitted it to herself. She tended to listen to her brain over her heart - you’re less likely to get hurt that way. Somehow, this time round she couldn't quite tell which part she was listening to, but before she knew it, she was on the phone to her friend Jan asking for a place to stay. 

Jan was more than happy, albeit a little concerned, for Lemon to live with her for a bit, claiming she could use the company and the help with rent. It was a win-win situation. Though, was Lemon winning? She wasn’t so sure, she was however very stubborn and once she had made her mind up, there was no going back. It would be nice to see her New York friends again, they hadn’t fallen out of touch but things are always harder when you’re so far apart. Besides, she needed a change of scenery, she missed walking the streets of the city that never sleeps. 

The real reason behind her decision was Priyanka. She didn’t tell anyone about it but Jan, knowing she would need at least some form of support once the train arrived. She just couldn’t bear to keep up with whatever their current situation was, but also she wasn’t sure she had the courage to talk about her real feelings, so the only option she could see was to just run away. They could keep in contact, a couple of texts and maybe a bi-weekly phone call, and Lemon could find some other girl to fall in love with and then she would be over her. 

She didn’t know how to be in love, and even if Priyanka could show her, she didn’t know if she was ready, if she was prepared. Because love was scary. Commitment, too. It’s not that Lemon was scared they would end up breaking up, she was scared that they would never break up. She was still young, and while some people long to find the love of their life early on, Lemon found herself staring at hers right in the face and it just felt too overwhelming. 

She had started hinting to Priyanka that she missed her New York friends about a month before she planned to be leaving. Priyanka would suggest a week’s visit, and Lemon would just shrug it off.  She just didn’t want it to come out of the blue when she finally told her that she'd be moving. And yet, all her hints didn’t stop Priyanka from being surprised. 

It was dark out, and the pair lay not so comfortably in Lemon’s bed. It was too hot but neither had the energy to do anything about it, so they stayed there in silence, Lemon slowly building up the courage to speak. 

“Hey, Pri?” She barely recognised her own voice, hating the crack that came out when she started speaking. Priyanka hummed in response, turning her head to face Lemon’s, eyes trained on the side of Lemon’s head as the yellow haired girl stared blankly at the ceiling. Eye contact would be too much, she didn’t want to see Priyanka’s face when she told her. 

“I’m moving back to New York.”

Silence. 

More silence.

Then, the shuffling of covers and creaks of floorboards as Priyanka grabbed her stuff and left. Somehow Lemon didn’t register any of it until the door had shut behind her. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

The next day, Priyanka showed up at her door again, not too long after the sun rose. She looked tired, but Lemon said nothing because she probably looked the same.

“Sorry for just, leaving. I, uh, I was pissed off? I think?” Lemon’s jaw dropped.

“I’m sorry, you were pissed? At me? Priyanka, I get that I could have told you sooner but don’t pretend like telling you would have made me change my mind.”

“Wouldn’t it? Why are you moving anyway? When are you moving?”

“I miss my friends. I miss New York. I need a change, a get-away. I leave in two weeks”

“Jesus Christ,” Priyanka almost stomped past Lemon, sitting on the couch with an angry thud.  “You’re telling me, you move to New York in two weeks, because you miss your friends, and I am only just finding out now? That is bullshit, Lemon”

Of all of the reactions Lemon anticipated, this was not one of them. They never argued. They always poked fun, never too serious, always having a good time. But this was new. Lemon didn’t even know how to argue with Priyanka. She didn’t even know how she was supposed to react to hearing her full name, and the way she said it too. Lemon couldn’t quite place a finger on how Priyanka was feeling, not used to not being able to read her like an open book, and she fucking hated it. But if Pri wanted to argue, then they were going to argue. Lemon didn’t make this decision on whim, she needed to do this, she needed to move, she didn’t have a choice. 

“God, Priyanka, do I need to tell you everything? It’s not like I’m your fucking girlfriend!” She regretted saying it the second it came out of her mouth, no matter how true it was. They avoided the word ‘girlfriend’ like the plague, but apparently this was the line that needed to be crossed to have this discussion.

“No, you don’t need to tell me everything, but if you’re moving to New York? Yeah, maybe tell me. Maybe mention it before you have to leave in two weeks, for fucks sake, Lem”

She had stopped shouting, her voice sounding a bit more tired and defeated that angry. Things were complicated. Lemon thought running away would be the easiest option. And maybe she was right. Maybe the easiest option was still hard, but it was too late to change her mind now. The damage had been done, and now Priyanka knew that she would be getting on the train in two weeks time, and they didn’t know when they’d see eachother again after that.

They spent all day talking. Avoiding direct eye contact, getting goosebumps every time their hands accidentally touched. Unsaid ‘I love you’s floated around them, taunting them every time Lemon went over her excuse for moving. They hid behind sad smiles and even sadder eyes, but never managed to actually surface, not like they ever did anyways. 

They pretended like nothing happened the next day. Instead, they opted to make the most of the last week and a bit left they had together, refusing to mention the fact that time was slipping, or how much they would be lost without each other. Lemon spent her nights on the phone to Jan, planning logistics, but mostly trying not to cry about how she was leaving the woman who was quite possibly her soulmate in another country for however long without telling her how she feels.

Her final day in Toronto came round after what felt like a short eternity. She was only slightly ready. Her yellow suitcase rolled next to her and she drowned out the noise of the train station with her earphones on full volume. A coffee warmed her shaking hands as she waited for the train she was obnoxiously early for. Not long past before she felt someone sit down next to her and place a hand on her shoulder, startling her from the daze she had managed to force herself into.

Of fucking course it was Priyanka. And of course she was looking at Lemon with tears threatening to shed. Lemon placed her hand in Priyanka’s after taking out her earphones, and gave it a small squeeze.

“I don’t want you to go” Lemon wished she could kiss her and say she didn’t want to go either. But she couldn't because she would be lying. She wanted to go. She loved Priyanka, and Priyanka loved her. They both knew it, without it being said. But Lemon just wasn’t ready. 

“I know. I’ll miss you” Priyanka shook her head and tears began to fall down her cheeks, one by one then all at once. 

“God, Lem, what went wrong? Do I have to fucking beg you to stay or something? I don’t understand why you have to move all the way to New York, I don’t know what I’m even supposed to do without you here”

Lemon refused to cry. She absolutely refused. When she felt the back of her eyes stinging with tears, she simply shook her head and pushed them back. Not now. Not in front of Pri.

She took her other hand, and looked Priyanka in the eyes, inching in closer and closer. 

“Pri, I’m going, and it’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna be fine, and you’re gonna be fine, okay love? It’s time to just… let me go.”

Lemon released her hands and stood up, the action followed by Priyanka, who gave her a bone crushing hug, still crying. When she finally let go, she gave her a small kiss on the top of her head, and Lemon had to hold back her tears for the millionth time within the past five minutes. They looked at each other for just a moment, once again opting to not say anything, despite it being their final chance. Lemon gave a small nod, as if in response to the silence, before turning away and walking to her platform. She didn’t look behind her. And if she stopped holding back her waterfall of tears the second she faced the other way, she could hide that from Priyanka too.

[thisbisexualbrainrot]

15x20: Soft Epilogue

Here I go writing fix it fic again. It’s almost 2am and I couldnt sleep until I posted it. I hope its enjoyable. Definitely fluff and a little angst thrown in as well. The soft epilogue with happy endings that Sam and Dean deserved. I didnt get a good place to mention this in the fic, but I believe Sam and Eileen would have rebuilt the American Men of Letters together. :)  _________________

Sunlight glinted against the black impala as she flew down the back country road. It was midday and the air was warm. Turns out when you are fighting for your life, you forget to pay attention to the seasons change. Sam was grateful they could pay attention to that now. 

He checked his phone again. No response yet. Where is she? 

“Hey um... Eileen hasn't called me yet and she's not answering. Do you think she didn't come back?” Sam asked, glancing over at Dean who was tapping his hand on the wheel. 

“Jack wouldn't do that, he would bring her back with everyone else. It's okay Sammy. She'll be there.” Dean assured him, he gave Sam a smirk and looked back at the road. “She probably just doesn't have a phone remember?” 

“Yeah, you're right.” Sam sighed, running his hand through his hair. She has to be there. Dean noticed Sam fidgeting and stepped on the gas.

In the backseat, Miracle barked in approval. 

Before Dean even had the car in park, Sam opened the passenger door and ran up to Eileen's door. Dean chuckled as he watched Sam bound up and the front door opened quickly. Eileen ran out to meet him and the two crashed into each other. Smiles, kisses, laughter. Good Dean thought Sammys happy. For the first time, Dean isn't worried about his little brother anymore. They changed the world, for good, and now Sam has a real chance for a real relationship. Eileen is good for him. 

Eventually Dean got out of the car, Eileen gave him a hug and signed while saying “Thank you.”

Dean looked at Sam, who hadn’t stopped grinning ear to ear, and smirked “Yeah well, now he's your problem.” “Yeah okay” Sam laughed. “I’ll call you later”. Eileen wrapped her arm around Sam’s waist and Dean was confident he wouldn’t be hearing from his brother for a while. 

“Yeah yeah” Dean smiled, “You kids have fun.” 

“I'm 37, Dean.” 

Dean gave them a shit eating grin and slid into the impala “I'm gonna go check on Jody and the girls. Apparently Claire is really pissed she got zapped and missed everything. She keeps texting me.” 

Dean put the car in reverse and he noticed Eileen jump into Sam's arms and kiss him as the car pulled away. Deans phone was laying on the passenger seat and it vibrated with another text from Claire: 

How is Cas? Is he with you? 

---

The lights flickered on in the bunker as Dean walked in with Miracle at his heels and he shut the heavy door behind them. The emptiness of it felt especially loud as he had spent the last few days sleeping on Jody’s couch in a house full of teenagers. 

He sighed as he remembered telling them about Cas. He couldn't meet Jody’s eye the entire time. He kept it simple, just told them what he had told Sam and Jack: 

Cas summoned the empty. 

Cas saved him. 

Cas was gone.  

Claire especially didn't take it well and the first night she fell asleep leaning on Dean's shoulder in front of the TV. Kaia came downstairs and Dean woke Claire up long enough for her to let Kaia lead her up to their room. 

Poor kid he thought as he picked up the decanter and filled his glass. He had gotten a text from Sam: 

Going on a trip with Eileen actually. We thought some time away might help us find normal again, if that's even possible. Call you later? 

Dean sent a short response telling Sam that was fine and tossed his phone on the library table.

What to do now? 

The whole world was open, skys the limit. For the first time he had no one to protect, no world to save, no monsters to hunt...just his own thoughts in an empty bunker. Well, except for his dog curled up next to his feet. It was terrifying and Dean found himself pounding down whiskey a lot faster than he intended. 

A few glasses in and he started praying. 

“Cas…” he whispered to the silence “Cas..I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” Dean felt his eyes fill with tears. “Cas...why didn't you tell me before...”

“Dean” 

Dean's head shot up. He must have really drank way too much because there was absolutely no way this was real. But there Jack was, standing in front of him with the same white jacket, same innocent smile on his face. 

“Hello” he said, raising his hand. “I'm here for your advice.” 

He said it so sincerely, Dean couldn't help but let out a sad, drunk laugh. His body relaxed a little and he looked up at him. “Man you can't just pop in- I mean you can it's just….Jack, I'm not in the place to be givin’ you advice anymore alright? Besides, I thought you were going to be all hands off?” 

“I am, mostly. I think. I don't really know, I'm still figuring it out. Amara is helping me.” Jack waited patiently while Dean’s intoxicated mind took in this information. 

“Alright” Dean stood up and leaned against the table, his arms crossed. Strangely, talking to Jack as whatever he was, was easier than he thought. He missed this. “What’s going on kid?”  

Jack nodded at Dean’s approval to ask. “I want to take Cas out of the empty but Amara said I should ask you.” 

Dean froze. His mouth went dry. Cas. “So you- you can get him out?”

“Yes, it seems quite possible. Chuck showed me how in his memories. He was able to pull Lucifer out and Amara told me it should work for Cas as well.” 

Dean's head was spinning. “I..um well, why are you asking me then?” 

“You are very important to him Dean.” Jack said with such firm resolve, “If you think this is a bad idea, I will respect that. Amara said it should be up to you.” 

Dean's heart leaped at the thought of seeing Cas again. Panic mixed with pure elation. He was terrified but of course the answer was obvious. “Yeah..” Dean whispered. “Yeah” he repeated louder, clearing his throat “Yeah, Bring him back.” Dean swallowed and looked at the floor. His mind desperately trying to understand that this was happening, this was real. Cas.

Jack smiled “That's what I told her you would say. Thank you Dean. Give me a moment.” and disappeared. The silence was deafening and then Dean heard his phone vibrate. He spun around and almost fell over a chair getting to where it laid abandoned on the table. “...Cas?” 

“No, Dean it's Sam. Are you okay?” “Sammy I um....” Dean couldn't find the words “Jack, he was here.” 

“What? Dean what's going on?” 

“He-...” And then Miracle started barking and Dean let his phone drop to the floor.

“Hello Dean”

He was standing a few feet away, this couldnt be real.  “...Cas I..” Dean started but he lost the ability to speak. He was really there. Rumpled trench coat, crooked tie, tousled hair and bright blue eyes. Dean tried to speak again. Why couldn't he say anything else? Too drunk, too stunned and too afraid to move. Damn it. “Cas...you’re here.”

“Yes” Cas smiled “I'm here.” Dean sensed a nervous caution in his voice. “It's good to see you Dean.” “Cas, what the hell were you thinking?” Dean’s voice was low and Cas furrowed his brow.

“I was protecting you.” 

Dean shook his head like he didn't want to hear it. Like he wouldn't accept that as a reason.

“Dean, BIllie would have killed us. You know that. The world needed you alive Dean. I needed you alive.” Cas paused and met Deans’ gaze again. “It was more important to make sure you were safe.” 

Dean pursed his lips and closed his eyes in frustration. “Im sorry, more important?” Dean looked at Cas again,  “No. You don't get to dip out. You should have told me about that deal! I could have helped you! I could have-... Damn it Cas!” Dean slammed the chair next to him and heard it clatter on the floor. 

“Dean I did what I needed to do. And I don’t regret any of it.” Cas let his voice raise a little in responsive anger but he chose his next words carefully, “I don't regret what I said and I don't regret saving your life.” Despite Dean's outward display of anger, Cas knew Dean was reacting out of love. This anger was misplaced guilt. “You owe me nothing Dean. None of this was your fault.” 

Dean was just drunk enough that he faltered, his voice breaking as he said “Cas, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Cas..I didn't stop you...I couldn't tell you...” 

Cas moved toward him then, reaching a hand to wipe away the tears Dean didn't realize were falling down his face. Dean could feel his heart aching against his ribs. How did he tell him that images of that moment came back to him every night, swallowed up in black? Cas crying, Dean reaching, Cas disappearing. Over and over they haunted him.

Cas lifted his hand away but felt Deans rough fingers stop him, holding his hand in place. “Cas….Tell me again. What you said..please..”

“Dean...” 

“No I..” Dean breathed out “I need to hear it Cas. Please tell me again.” 

Cas brought his head closer to rest on Dean’s forehead, closing his eyes. Dean lowered their hands, still grasping on in desperation. Cas could feel Dean shaking as he moved closer to him. Dean let his eyes flutter closed when he felt Cas rest against him. After a moment of silence, Cas said in a quiet voice “I love you Dean.” 

Dean wasn't sure if it was the whiskey or the feeling of Cas’s skin, warm and real against his face.Maybe it was just the pure joy that Cas was here or the relief that he would never leave him again. But he needed more, he needed to feel Cas. He needed to touch him. He moved in slowly, brushing their noses together. Cas’s breath staggered as he let Dean make the decision. Dean grazed his lips along the angels mouth and everything felt warm. The kiss was soft and cautious. Dean moved his mouth slowly, carefully and Cas leaned in slightly, letting Dean set the pace. And then, realization. 

Oh. Oh.

The energy changed and Cas felt Dean’s kiss deepen, his hand reaching up to wind fingers into Cas’s hair. And it was then that Cas allowed himself to grab onto Dean, pulling him in by his flannel. He breathed in Dean's scent, pine mixed with bourbon and aftershave and Dean let his other hand up to rest on Cas’s neck. He could feel the angel’s pulse racing as he pulled back to look at him. “This is...okay right?” 

“Yes” Cas breathed, and immediately pulled Dean in again. 

---

When Sam walked into the bunker he noticed the lights were on and a chair was toppled over in the library. Deans phone on the floor. But he didn't see anyone. “Dean?” 

Eileen followed after him, calling out for Dean. Sam ran to Dean’s room and when Eileen followed, Sam stopped her before she called out for Dean again. He gestured into the room. “Look” he signed to her. 

Dean was sleeping, his head resting on Castiel’s chest. Miracle was curled up at the bottom of the bed, her head resting on Dean's leg. Sam noticed Cas, in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt, calmly placing his fingers on Dean's temple. A pale blue glow kept Dean’s dreams peaceful and Cas ran his fingers through short hair as his hunter slept soundly. 

 “Cas?” Sam whispered, in disbelief that the angel was alive. Cas gently slid out from under Dean and moved to the door, shutting it carefully behind him.

 Sam smiled “It's so good to see you Cas.” He pulled the angel into a hug. “I thought you were in the empty. How are you here?” 

“Jack,” Cas smiled “He brought me back” Cas looked back toward the bedroom.”Dean and I have been...catching up.” 

Sam smiled and let out a short laugh “Yeah I can see that.” 

“I love him Sam” 

“I know you do. I never wanted to push him but I knew.” Sam let out a breathy laugh and ran his hands through his hair. “Wow I cant believe Dean finally figured it out. I can't believe this is really happening. What are you going to do now?” 

“Whatever makes Dean happy.” Cas said, so matter of factly that Sam shook his head in pure amazement and laughed again.

---

It was a small outdoor ceremony, but Sam and Eileen couldn't have been happier. Dean beamed with pride standing next to Sam, his tux pressed and black shoes shined. They held the reception in Jody's backyard, string lights and cheap alcohol. It was perfect.

Cas walked into the kitchen, slightly intoxicated and saw Claire sitting on the counter rubbing her feet “I hate heels.” 

“They do look very uncomfortable,” Cas replied. “These suits are restricting as well. My neck is very itchy.” 

Claire beckoned Cas over and loosened his bowtie. “You don't really need it all the way on anymore. Ceremony is over.” She smiled, “Your boyfriend took his off hours ago I bet.” 

Cas never will be used to hearing Dean referred to in that way. “Where is he?” 

“I think he’s out front on the porch.” She said, jumping off the counter barefoot and walking back out into the yard to find Kaia for a dance. She popped her head back inside “Oh hey, tell him I can work that Sunday shift he asked about okay?” Cas nodded and Claire spun around and headed to the dance floor. 

Cas walked out onto the porch to find Dean. The night air was cool and crickets chirped loudly in the fields. As Claire had suspected, Dean’s tie was long gone. His dress shirt was unbuttoned enough to reveal the t-shirt underneath, and to see the necklace filled with Castiel’s grace glowing on his chest. He took another drink from his beer and looked up. “Heya Cas.”

“Hello Dean.” He paused and then remembered “Claire said she can work the Sunday shift.” 

“Ah, good. That kid is killing me. That's what I get for owning a bar, I guess. I’m a freakin boss now.” He laughed to himself, “It still feels weird to say it. Like I'm gonna mess it up.” 

“You’ve earned it, and you certainly are not messing it up.” Cas sat down next to him and smiled as Dean wrapped his arm around him, “How are you Dean?” 

“Eh, I'm fine.” Dean looked down, picking at the label of his beer. “Sammy seems happy, huh?”

“Yes, he does.” Cas reached out and pulled Dean’s hand away from his nervous movement, entwining their fingers together. “He's going to be fine.” 

“I know.” Dean says, squeezing Cas’s hand. “I just hate that he doesn't need me anymore.” 

“That's not true, he’ll always need you.” Cas reassured him. Dean leaned over and kissed Cas, gazing at him for a moment before saying “I love you, you know that right?” 

“I know,” Cas replied, “I love you too.” It didn't matter that they had been together for over a year, 6 months since Cas had made the choice to be human, it still made Cas shiver to hear Dean tell him he loved him.  

“You sure you don’t regret giving me this?” He holds up the glowing grace pendant. Cas shakes his head “No, not once.” and Dean pulls him in for another kiss. 

Jack watches from afar, a smile on his face. 

The sounds of the party last long into the night. 

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

When tensions break too often- a dark side au story

So I got my ideas back for some angst and some tension in this au, and I just couldnt resist writing it. Plus its a good way to warm me back up into doing things for this au.

This is also a bit of a deeper dive into the dynamics of darkside! Virgil and the other dark sides and how they all bounce and thrive off each other, as well a some backstory and peeks at the full effects of Deceit leaving( jealousy is with the dark sides but is only mentioned, he currently doesnt make much of an appearance in this one in particular, he gets his own angst later)

This was fun to write, not gonna lie. Its been awhile an this is gonna be long so buckle up with me

I also got alot of inspiration to finally write this out(and revise parts of it) due in part to @aimasup ‘s recent comics and writings about their kid sides(which I love, like alot alot and I hope they dont mind me getting super inspired by it!)

ships: Past prinxiety, past anxciet, implied intruxiety, implied intrulogical, implied intruloxiety, implied one sided remus x wrath, implied past demus, implied current roceit

Im putting a trigger warning here for cussing, fighting(verbal and physical), descriptions of panic attacks and emotional breakdowns, violence, gross and inappropriate language, some body horror descriptions, as well as implied unsympathetic sides(all sides are morally grey but the perspective is biased towards the dark sides as its seen from Wrath’s view- keep that in mind)

Things are about to get angsty my friends but i promise it ends happy(for once in this au)

I hope you guys enjoy

~~~~~~~~~~

Wrath Sanders had a lot more patience then almost everyone gave him credit for. Most considered him the biggest hothead there was, going off at the first irritation. But, the truth was he was eerily patient...Sure he may simmer and seethe and hold onto things in unhealthy grudges, but he never lost his cool as often as some would want you to believe.

Wrath Sanders kept his cool during many things, even if that was the last thing he wanted to do.

He had sat back through many things, biting his tongue to hold back the venom and yelling and grinding his teeth together in anger and forced himself to sit through many many things that happened around him out of respect- out of a deep fucking respect- for Virgil’s Fear’s Anxiety’s authority. Instead, he watched shit go down over and over again and held himself back from reacting towards the problem, focusing his energy on the recovery. 

But, the most recent event was his last fucking straw.

It had happened seemingly out of nowhere, Wrath had been slumped down on their shitty lumpy couch boredly watching some dumb movie. It was getting later in the night, around 10 maybe 11 and he had one of Remus’s crappy beers partially drank in his hand. He was just getting up to change the movie or turn it off all together when the whole house seemed to shift violently, the walls seeming to tremble. There was a moment of confusion before he heard it.

“ Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

His whole body jolted to its feet unsteadily as the sound of Anxiety’s pain wreaked scream filled the house to an almost deafening volume as it distorted and deepened. His body moved before his mind, lurching over the couch and running for the source of the scream as another one wailed out even louder than the first, the sound muffling the breaking bottle and violently shaking the walls with their reverb. He heard other sounds too underneath, glass shattering heavy objects banging and wood splintering, wallpaper shredding. A third screech rang out, cutting itself in half with echoing high pitched sobs. 

He hadnt been the first to make it to his room.

Wrath watched as he turned the corner in time to see Remus destroy Anxiety’s door with his morning star, a wild and desperately freaked out look to his glowing eyes as wood splintered and gave out under the weapon, some sending cuts into his cheeks. The creative side was then out of sight in a flash, forcing his way into the room yelling as to be heard over the screams.

Remembering the pain, the fear the absolute panic in Remus’s normally confident voice sent a deeper chill down his spine than the screams had.

“ Virgy??!! Fuck fuck fuck fUCK!! Virgy no no! Its me dammit!! Fuck FUCK FUCK!! No no NO! Virgy virgy virgy storm cloud creepy cryptid no no nnonononono look at me no no look at me cmon honey look at me not those at me. me me me me..” His voice continued, shaky and softening as the screams faded into heart wrenching sobs and high pitched hyperventilating gasps. Remus continued to speak, morning star thudding against carpet and a softer thud sounding.

“ Hey hey hey hey hey hey...hey hey hey I got you I got you I’m here im still here....i’m always here for ya honey...I got you now I got you see? Yeah yeah thats me....just focus on me....cmon cmon stormy cant pass out on me now...follow my breathing lets breathe together...in...out...in out...now....tell me five things you can see....cmon honey you got this just look up im here right here...” 

The sight through the broken door haunted him, made his chest throb hard and bile burn his throat. 

The bedroom before him was completely trashed. It was as if something feral and destructive had ripped it from its very foundation. Every piece of furniture, big or small, was broken and smashed apart, the anxious side’s bed and couch ripped into multiple pieces. Every shelf  or flat surface had faced an even worse fate, thrown around and shattered into various pieces that had been strewn around the room along with glass fragments from anything unfortunate enough to have been made of glass. Papers and books were severed and torn apart viciously, and the wallpaper was slashed in huge wide cute, some of the slashes cutting deep into the wall underneath. And in the middle of the disaster was Remus and Anxiety. Long, protruding limb like dark shapes sprouted from the purple side’s back, twitching and trembling with adrenaline along with his heaving, hunched over shaking form. Remus was there in front of him, knelt down to the balled up figure and slowly but surely coaxing him up enough to pull him into his arms and rock him back and forth as he kept speaking to him. It took Wrath a few seconds of his vision adjusting to the room’s darkness to realize Remus had more cuts on him, and why.

Strings.

Millions of purple tinted, tautly pulled strings, like a tightly woven and intricate sickening spider web filled the room from top to bottom as if trying to shield the two in its depths. He could see parts of them hanging limp, likely from Remus forcing his way through to the other. He watched in a horrified shock as Anxiety’s body lurched and jerked with his piercing sobs, hand harshly digging into his scalp through his hood and shadowy claws threatening to rip said hood open. He could see many of the strings connected directly to various parts of his body and to the eight extra things on his back and it made him shudder. The room radiated a sort of fear and panic that was infectious, suffocating even. But he refused to leave the doorway and abandon the two there, in that too dense darkness. 

He watched Remus manage to gather up the shorter side into his chest and rock him more, practically curling into a ball over him. He was still talking, his voice softening to the point he couldnt make it out anymore from the door. But he could see his expression. God his expression mightve been what pushed him past his bullshit accepting limit.

Remus’s face was grim, any traces of his grins and normal attitude gone. His eyes were glowing in a dark, dangerously violent fury but the way they stayed trained on Anxiety kept them, for the time being at least, soft and remorseful. There was so much pain there in that focused gaze, pain regret sorrow a disturbing amount of fear and understanding. His mouth moved with words not meant for Wrath to hear, soft gentle coos and reassurances too intimate to be heard by anyone else but the one trembling harshly in his strong arms. Brows furrowed and it made Wrath feel even colder to realize his hands, hands that were holding the other up and petting his hair through that black hood and rubbing between the spidery appendages, were trembling. 

Remus was trembling.

After awhile the strings seem to fade away into nothing, those shadowy limbs following them scarily slow. Once that happened and the worst of the darkeness seemed to dissipate was when Wrath dared to take a few stiff steps into the room, debris crunching too loudly under his boots. He saw Remus stiffen and his eyes flicker up like a cornered, ready to attack animal before relaxing, glow never leaving.

“ W...wh..r...R-remus...” 

“ Des...Dessy brat...h-hey spitfire do me a solid and go open my door ok? Dont worry itll lead to my bedroom...just...go open it for me...will you...?” Wrath’s voice failed him after that and he nodded, backing out of that suffocation and away into the brighter lit hall rushing from the room to push open the dark stained door further down. He turned around to go back, to try to help somehow...anyway he could, when he watched Remus instead picking his way out of the mess and into the hall, their leader cradled in his arms limply like a small sleeping child. Not a sound came from either of them as he stalked through the hall and into his room, a single nod dismissing Wrath before the door swung shut in front of him...

That was where he was drawing a line. Enough had been enough.

Wrath had sat back through many things, too many fucking things than he should have. He held back his doubts when Virgil and Roman had first started seeing each other when they were younger and dumber, had held himself and barely held Remus back from mauling the so called “good” creativity when things had gone awry and he had broken Virgil’s heart and left him in bitter, resentful pieces for them to pick up and help mend back together. He held back every time Thomas had, intentionally or unintentionally, slighted and undermined their jobs as a part of him, of their importance, of Virgil’s and Remus’s importance to him. He had sat back through the aftermath of ever fight with the “light” sides and with thomas, through every dismissal and banishment and arguement and accusation. He had helped and been there through countless sleepless nights and previous breakdowns and panic attacks between all four three of them, and he had been here, had been forced not to retaliate as per Virgil’s simple request.

“ Dont Des....dont go after them...Im forbidding it got it? Dont do it. it isnt going to be worth it...please...” 

It had always been the please, soft and defeated that made him obey. Not the angry snaps and lashing out, not the cruel words and push and shove they all did for so long, but the plea in that word...the vulnerability it revealed. 

He had sat through Deceit’s slow distancing from the rest of them...and his eventually leaving them for the light sides and the ensuing pain and breakdown that his leaving left behind.

It had splintered them, had struck both Virgil and Remus harder and more painfully than either side would verbally admit. Wrath had been forced to do nothing but helplessly watch it break them and break himself too, and try to clean up the aftermath best he could.

But this breakdown, seeing the side that had always stubbornly refused to buckle or back down reduced to a screaming sobbing wreck on the floor, seeing the other side he had always seen be nothing but strong and indifferent to everything thrown with a grin shaking in fear and softly pleading was too much.

He had stayed down, seething, resentment festering for years. too many years without an outlet.

He remembered the hand that had been held out to him all those years ago. Remembered coming along a little bit before Deceit ever did...and looking up from where he was angrily crying on the floor to see two figures before him. One was shorter, with two sets of brightly glowing purple and green eyes and a big black hoodie that was too big for him and messy hair that fell into his face. Behind him was someone much taller, with wild hair and a single streak of white in it, eyes feral and gleeful i a way that made him tense and made him mad through his tears. He was dressed extravagantly, like a prince or even a king grinning unnaturally wide. But his focus narrowed on the purple one, whose dark claw tipped hand stretched out in front of him in an offering. When Anger had put his head back in his knees to cry more he felt an arm drape over him. His head snapped up and he saw the princely one next to him with a softer expression, hand rubbing his back a little.

“ Hey....hey its ok Anger. Whatcha crying for? You did your job! Pretty damn well too! You were amazing the way you had Thomas screaming at that bully!” A clawed hand smacked him making him yelp and he looked in front of him to see Fear knelt in front of him with a look of understanding, a bitter smile on his face.

“ He’s right you know? You were only doing your job...you didnt realize how out of hand things would spiral and thats ok. How they reacted isnt your fault...” 

They offered him a place to go, a place to thrive. Screw the others that refused to understand and stay with them. And Fear led them both deeper down the halls by the hand, making sure he didnt get lost

He was done standing down.

Someone needed to pay. 

~ ~ ~

If he was honest, Wrath wasnt sure how long he sat outside the intrusive side’s shut door, sitting slumped against the opposing wall in a thick, deafening silence. It mustve been long enough for him to drift into an uneasy, restless sleep. His dreams filled up with memories of younger years, of pranks and scuffles and violent roughhousing the three of them got up to being on their own, of Remus making meals and running around frantic to keep both Anger and Fear from accidentally killing themselves or each other on something. Of Deceit hazily joining their trio, hesitant and quiet but able to snap back just as viciously and able to rough house back just as good as the rest of them after awhile. Of days filled with shrieks, squeals, bickering and shrilly laughter, of restless nights where they all broke into Remus’s room and dog piled on his bed to sleep. Of slowly growing up and watching Virgil come out of his quiet observance and transition from Fear to Anxiety and taking charge as a leader among them, of Remus stepping back and letting him with full confidence as his right hand and partner in crime in most cases. Of seeing Deceit come out of his terrified shell and blossom into a belovedly bitchy and...supposedly self assured side...of Virgil’s echoing screams that seem to reverberate through his very core...

He jolted awake at the sound of a door creaking, and sluggishly lifted his head to see a pair of familiar scuffled riding boots, laces fraying if you looked close enough. He lifted his gaze higher and soon locked onto tired green eyes that were dark and dull from exhaustion. Lifeless was a term he could describe those eyes with and that fact made him briefly queasy and cold. He looked tired, so very tired, and older. He was older than them both....but right now he looked much older than he was...There was a silence between them for a few moments that allowed Wrath to rouse himself up a little more.

“ Dessy....for all thats unholy...what’re you still doin out here dumbass? Did you stay there all night?” 

‘Dessy’...‘ Des’ the nickname eased some of his shot nerves. Ever since they were kids they had joked that his name shouldve been “ Despair” instead of “ Daniel Williams” because of his very present pessimism and negative outlook. And soon it became so much more fitting that his nickname became “ Des” short for despair...or in Remus’s case “ Dessy” as he oh so enjoyed calling him. The annoying nickname was familiar though, and it helped him relax enough to speak. His voice was rough and awkwardly quiet in the small hallway, as if he’d been the one screaming. 

“ I....wanted to make sure he’d be ok...” He trailed off, voice faltering with a clear shake. It sounded pathetic and weak to him. 

But maybe, just this once pathetic and weak wasnt a bad thing. Because at the sound of his voice, and his dumb reason, Wrath saw some life flicker back into the older side’s eyes, some of their glow returning. Remus let out a tired, exasperated sigh and gave him a small sad smile, his expression softened into something sorrowful yet fond. That fondness, that softness sent warm tingling butterflies fluttering through his chest like it always did despite the grim circumstances. Remus let out a strained chuckle and shook his head, pulling his door shut with a quiet click.

“ He’s asleep now ya little Tasmanian devil...let him rest and we’ll check on him in a bit...now cmon, lets go make some breakfast and watch some movies or something....lets go up up.” With a grunt Des allowed himself to be heaved up by the armpits to his feet and didnt protest Remus wrapping an arm around him and guiding him down to the living room. He didnt want to see that pained exhaustion on his face...he needed to do something

and had a problem he was finally going to get rid of. 

“ No Des you cant.” 

There was that feeling as familiar to him as breathing bubbling in his chest, that hot smoldering feeling of anger or irritation igniting. It flushed out the cold he had been feeling in an unpleasant way but he ignored that part, pressing his palms flat on the table with a bit of force as he narrowed his orange eyes at the one across from him. He felt something like acid stinging his mouth and begging to be spilled free but he did as he usually did and grit his teeth to hold the worst of it at bay. Pushing it down. Holding back again.

“ Not again Remus. I refuse to just fucking sit back and do nothing again. They need to be taught a lesson! This is all their fault- all his fault--”

“ Even if it is so fucking what?! You blindly lashing out at them is only going to make things worse I can promise you that--”

“ Like hell it will!! They act like they can just walk all over us and treat us like fucking trash and cause things like last night and you think im lashing out blindly when--”

“ --When youre temper is as violent as a fucking feral mongoose--” “ Dont call me a fucking mongoose beetlejuice reject!!” “ Oh shut up and sit back down you twerp!!” 

They went back and forth across the table, both their tempers and volumes raising as they fought. That bubbling feeling was twisting into a boiling, growing burning that began filling his chest and core. Why was Remus not agreeing with him for fucks sake--

His vision started tinging red.

“ Look brat you think I fucking like this?! You think im not pissed the fuck off?! Because I am! I’m beyond pissed off about this!! About the fact I know exact who and what caused Virgy’s breakdown and about the fact it happened at all!! I fucking get it!! But even I know you shouldnt just storm in there to take off trying to take off their fucking heads when youre too upset! Youre not thinking clearly enough for that kind of confrontation dammit im trying to protect you in this too!!” Remus’s words were loud, ruthless, and hard hitting. There were angry and forceful and made sense.

Plenty of sense. 

And somehow that made him even angrier.

“ Oh? Ooooh! I get it, I fucking get it! Now that youve been sweetening up fucking logic youre suddenly the first to fucking defend them hurting our fucking best friend--”

“--oh for fucks sake bitch Logan has nothing to fucking do with this!! Im not fucking defending them either!! I swear to god im just trying to--” “ --to what huh?! Keep on his good side so you can get in his fucking pants?! Or so you can fucking push it aside and laugh about it later like one of them?!--” “ Goddammit you fucking stubborn brat you dont know what youre even talking about--” “ I dont know what im talking about?! I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT?!?!” His voice rose much louder, his own trembling distortion coming out and getting spat at the side who had helped fucking raise him like venom.

“ I dont know what im talking about?!!  You mean like how I NEVER seem to know what the fuck im talking about?! Like how Virgil  never knows what hes talking about or how you never seem to know what youre fucking talking about when your talking to them?! God now youre even starting to sound like those pretentious bastards!! Dont know what im talking about?! What part do I not know what im talking about Intrusive Thoughts?! huh??!!” His breath was coming out in ragged, squeaking pants as his eyes began to burn “Which fucking part do I not fucking know?! The part where ive had to sit back and bottle up my rage at being pushed aside and degraded and judged and dismissed or having to sit back for fucking years and watch you and virgil get hurt and hurt and ignored and dismissed and talked down and insulted and broken and having to swallow my protests of it?! Or of knowing last night fucking happened because Deceit decided to fully live up to his fucking name and abandoned us for those bastards and left us alone without a second thought and got away with it?! Or the fucking fact youre too busy trying to bone down logic to even fucking care--!!” 

Smack!

It came so fast he hadnt had time to prepare for it before his head was snapped to the side and pain exploding in his face, on the cheek near the jaw in particular as he staggered to the ground a good foot and his eyes eerily slow dragged themselves from looking at the kitchen cabinets to Remus, who still had his fist outstretched near where it had collided with his face, his chest heaving almost like his own was, eyes wild and just as angry before a flash of realization went through them.

“ ....Des....fuck...i...you...” Nothing too coherent came babbling out Remus’s mouth, he was still way too hoped up on anger fueled adrenaline. His fist was starting to tremble and Wrath watched his pupils dilate a few times in his attempt to calm down.

And then there was something like an explosion as that burning feeling warped into a raging fire and Wrath let out a infuriated, inhuman shriek and lunged for Remus with a full intent to rip out his stupid fucking throat as his rage consumed him.

The two fighting sides went crashing into the living room loudly nearly knocking over the couch in their wake, both of them screaming and Wrath inhumanly screeching in an almost reptilian manner as he clawed and punched wherever he could reach. Remus wasnt just lying down and taking it either, yelling in loud angry spats of soon unraveling nonsense as he fought back mercilessly, throwing the other into walls, into furniture, throwing punches and kicks of his own. But nothing seemed to slow the orange side down and he struck back with slowly growing claws and fangs and something sharp growing out of his hair, angry tears burning his eyes and his voice too warbled and distorted to even be understood anymore, both their forms twitching and subtly shifting and glowing as they tried to rip each other to shreds, things fluid dripping and twisting lashing out from Remus’s back. Remus was stronger, he always had been, but Wrath had a seemingly endless stream of fury and adrenaline that kept him getting back up and charging in for more, the room being wrecked between them. Maybe things would have gone too far if it hadnt been brought to a hard, screeching halt.

By the time they could both blink they were ripped away from each other, both now uselessly struggling as they were entangled in roughly restraining strings that glowed a eye straining, furious purple color and seemed to tighten and wrap around them more the more they fought and struggled for freedom. Their indecipherable words and incoherent screams where just as ruthlessly cut short as strings wrapped warningly around their throats, not tight enough to actually choke or hurt them, but firm enough to be very present and felt, their voices being quite literally silenced the moment it touched looped once and touched the spot over their vocal cords. There was a horrifically tense silence as their mouths moved in spat insults and screams that never made a sound.

“......that....that is enough out of both of you.”  

Virgil’s voice cut through the room like a cleaver, the tone dead, cold, and just as pissed off as they were. At first they couldnt see him, manic eyes darting around until Wrath saw the Duke’s eyes trained on top of the stairs near the hallway, pupils down to small pinpricks. When he glared over in that direction he fully understood and felt all that anger draining and quickly turning into a queasy, cold dread that made him want to cower.

That radiation of fury, or bone chilling fear and a kind of suffocating anxiety that made it hard to breathe and a panic that made them both feel like they were perpetually falling and simultaneously drowning swept over the living room like a flood, the corners and ceilings slowly developing intricate pulsing webs or strings that seem to absorb the rooms light as Virgil stepped, no, half crawled down the stairs and into view. Both sets of eyes were visibly, the whites dyed a void like inky black where his brightly burning purple and green irises cut into them coldly. Something sharp and gleaming poked from his scowl and revealed themselves as fangs as his snarl curled his lips. His hood was up hiding most of his pale skin but couldnt hide the flecks and scatterings of void like, inky and purple spots dusting parts of his slowly purple tinging skin. His hands, snapping out from his sleeves to grip the stair railing were fully blotched in that void, fingers curling into razor sharp claws that strings hung stickily too. The eight dark appendages, opaque and gangly half carried him down faster than usual, the ends digging into the carpet as if for stability. A shrill hiss whistled through Anxiety’s teeth and the panic inducing feeling of being stared at at being excruciatingly examined came from every corner, growing worse and worse as he stalked closer with silent movements. 

“ What....the actual fuck are you two doing.” The words with sharp edged and cold, tone flat and tired. They both just stared helplessly, unable to move or speak and both beginning to mindlessly panic. Virgil blinked and a gust of air like an exhale swepted through the room and....left no traces of those fearful horrified feelings in its wake. Both of their feet thudded mutedly against the carpeted floor as the strings released them and retreated back into nothing, disappearing from all around them as if they had never been there to begin with...the room never dimmer than it had started in the morning light and the three of them stood there in silence. Any hints of inhumanity were gone from Anxiety’s form, leaving his two still glowing eyes losing their luster and leaving dull annoyance behind, no fangs, no extra limbs, no claws, no void dotting his skin. When he spoke he took a slow breath, as if unable to breathe just like them.

“....I...I mean it you two...what. the actual fuck did you two wake me up with.” Even his voice had returned to normal, if not for a bit shaky and hoarse from last nights screaming. Wrath saw his eyes were bloodshot, and his face was tinged with blotchy pink and was puffy from crying and something clenched in his chest, thudding hard. He looked at Remus, who was panting from lack of breath, eyes dull and exhausted and pain filled again, injuries from their fight blaring from the blood decorating his body and clothes.

He had done that....he’d lost control again...

“ Im dont want to repeat myself a third fucking time. What the fuck did you--” 

“ I...This is my fault I started it...” Both of them looked at him, gazes drilling into him. But he let his head drop as shame took over, choking him a little. This was his family and they were already hurting and look what he’d done-

“Oh piss off Dessperato. It aint only your fault I fucked up too. Look virgy we were both tired and coming off that dumb worry adrenaline shit and we started arguing...and we got waaaaaay too heated and decided to beat the living shit out of each other...sorry we woke you you were suppose to sleep later.” Virgil let out a sigh and rubbed his temples, pulling off his hood and shaking out his messy bedhead. 

“ Is that all that happened? Im not deaf and the doors arent sound blockers...” “ Then why are you asking.” Virgil and Remus as a bit of a stare off before finally, for the first time that morning all the life slowly returned to his eyes and he gave a toothy, blood streaked grin and started to laugh. The other two looked at him like he had fully lost it. Then Virgil’s lips twitched up and Des rolled his eyes and failed to stop the grin spreading across his face or the chuckles that he managed to choke out. Within a few minutes all three of them were laughing on the messy living room floor  half sprawled over each other and Jealously bemusedly deciding they werent capable of making breakfast and making it for them all instead. Des watched half delerious from his exhaustion as Remus cackled and kicked his leg, just to laugh more when he kicked back.

“ I swear to god no more violence out of you two or I swear I’ll...” Remus let out a snort and gripped the other’s chin between his fingers sensually tugging their faces closer with a smug grin

“ You’ll what Hot Topic? Lock me in the closet again? Or send me reeling with nightmares and hallucinations~ Oh please virgy baby I dare you too~” His tone was light and suggestive, quirking his eyebrows up teasingly for added effect. Virgil snorted and and grinned back leaning close as well.

“ Oh dont start teeempting me with those sweet talkins about hallucinations dr. Hideous~ I might just take you up on that...” Then he flicked his nose and shove him away, both of them laughing. Des was about to try to give them the time to themselves when Remus yanked him between them waggling his finger disapprovingly, making him whack the other’s shoulder with a affectionate “ fuck RIGHT off” and for awhile, in that growing morning light, things felt ok. 

It had taken alot of talking, and another arguement almost breaking out between himself and virgil to convince him to back down from confronting the light sides violently. Virgil brought a surprising amount of identical points to remus, while also reminding him that reacting to violently will only make them ignore and dismiss him further. Des was very reluctant, and stubborn, but ultimately he trusted Virgil’s and Remus’s judgement. He trusted Virgil’s reasoning and that he was looking out for him- protecting him. So when he asked him, softly, to refrain from trying to handle it on my own and let him deal with it Des had agreed, obeying his request.

And then a real tipping point pushed him back over the edge.

It was a few weeks later. He remembered distinctly because the mindscape was abuzz with excitement, even the dark sides were effected by Thomas’s unbridled joy. But Virgil had said he was getting a bad feeling...and headed off to the main part of the mindscape that morning. Things were quiet after, calm even. At some point him and Remus had started playing cards, though Remus was blatantly cheating and they were bickering.

Things were fine...things were calm...

Then Virgil crashing into the living room breathing harshly and in the midst of a bad panic attack. 

They both jumped up and Remus caught the other in his arms, trying to calm him down and figure out what happened. It took a long time and for awhile they only got bits and pieces out

Thomas

A callback, a big important one he and Roman were thrilled for

Patton, something with both Patton and Deceit

Neither of them agreeing but both of them fighting Virgil

some kind of important friend event on the same day

they had argued, they had fought, there had been yelling by the climax of it

Him and Roman went at each others throat despite the fact he had been trying to help roman’s cause

Deceit fought him alot too, trying to cut him off at every chance in a form of fear response, out of defense

Him and patton argued and fought badly for the first time since Thomas’s last breakup

He thought logan would try to see his side and be a neutral party

Logan was getting tug of warred into agreeing to arguments to push him out

They kept trying to shut him down and dismiss him, they stopped listening fairly

Virgil had to pull out a form shift in front of thomas

He had to use his influences and fear to get them to stop talking over him and twisting his words

it only made things worse, and arguments harsher

They rejected him and his attempts to help more

He started having a panic attack mid argument

He thought logan and patton tried to help but they were getting drowned out by Roman and Dee

There was so much yelling, things that should never be said got thrown

They told Virgil he never does anything but make Thomas worse

Thomas finally nearly screamed for them all to stop and half asked half pleaded for Virgil to just leave until everyone calmed down

He lashed out and hit someone, he wasnt even sure who before he fled, not hearing them yell after him. It mightve been patton, or thomas, or maybe logan

And then his panic attack got worse and neither of them could get another understandable word from him. 

In the end Remus eventually got him called down, after a good couple hours of trying, and it took everything in Wrath not to scream and destroy the room.

All Virgil did was try to help, and look what their....their bullshit left him. He was beyond seething at this point, he was fuming he was downright practically breathing fire and shaking from the effort to keep himself still. Remus gave him a cautious warning look, as if he was sizing up one of his many monsters in the imagination and debating if it would kill him or not and Virgil lifted his head to choke out for him to stand down, and to not do anything. Wrath had nodded silently and waited, watching Remus help him upstairs to his room to grab his headphones, and hopefully calm down more. Once they were out of sight he made a decision. He knew the consequences of it, knew theyd both be furious and Virgil would make hell for him for it. But none of that mattered to him

For the first time in many many years...he disobeyed Anxiety’s direct request.

It took a few days to find an opening, but once he saw one he took it, rising up in the big main living room, unknowingly in the middle of a video brainstorm.

Wrath always seemed to appear near the couch, between Roman and Thomas. Just seeing them made his blood boil more than it had been.

It was easy to say he scared the shit out of most of them by just appearing, his entire presence sucking the air from the room and making it hot and tense, a cracked dam waiting to break. Itd been months since he’d seen them face to face, and for a moment his senses got overwhelmed by everything.

But he let that fuel his anger further and he growled for them to fess up. Which one had said it. Roman had of course jumped to the defensive of his friends and that was all Wrath needed.

He lost it, pointing and yelling and accusing Roman. Blaming him for it. Roman didnt back down and fought back, and the fight only seemed to worsen. The others tried to interject, and maybe if Wrath’s vision hadnt been blood red from his fury he wouldve seen they were trying to diffuse the situation and calm things down, talk things out. But he ignored that, whipping around and lashing out at them too

“ Wrath you need to step back and take a deep breath! Youre getting irrational!”

“ Wrath kiddo please we dont have to yell and scream about this Logan’s right lets all take a deep breath ok?”

“ Like hell! Im not going to just let him force his way in here and yell and scream and pretend its ok and we can talk!”

“ Roman please!” “ro stop getting angry back is just making all of it worse the others are right we need to be calm or we’ll never get through to him.”

That voice. Silken and soaked with caution. He whirled around on Deceit and snarled pinning him to the wall without thinking.

“ This is all your fucking fault! Youre the reason they keeping hurting and virgil has breakdowns that put him out of commission for days!! Youre part of the reason Remus locks himself away beating himself up. they trusted you!! We all trusted you and you decided to fuck us over and throw us out like trash!! Was it worth it?!?! Was being here worth breaking the people you grew up with you and loved you?! Well?!” There was yelling around them, and he thought briefly he heard Remus’s and Virgil’s voices behind him as well. But now all that anger, that pushed down bitterness and resentment finally had a target and he couldnt focus on anything else. He didnt even heard Deceits struggling answer as he tried to claw him off, his different eyes wide and his mouth moving in words that werent registering.

“ -youre right ok?! Fuck youre not right at all--fuck fuck I get it youre angry and I fucked up with this, this isnt my fault and I havent been trying to figure out ways to fix it! I totally havent been beating myself up for what happened a few days ago with virgil and I dont regret it ok--” THe words blended together in his head, there were hands on his shoulders ripping him away the the freaked out snake and shoving him into the couch. He snarled but froze when he realized He was staring at the very formal business end of Remus’s morning star, inched from his nose and Remus standing over him with a dark look over his face...dark and upset The red faded from his vision and he blinked rapidly, eyes burning again and jaw aching from how hard he’d been clenching it or from yelling he honestly couldnt even tell anymore. From behind Remus stood both Logan and Virgil, side by side speaking in rapid low voices he couldnt decipher. Behind them he caught of glimpse of Roman and Patton both kneeling on the floor, fretting over a still freaked out Deceit as Jealously offered to help him up. Wrath was struggling to breathe, his body twitching and shaky from the quickly fading adrenaline. Soon he was left feeling cold and sick of himself, staring at Remus with just as wide and wild eyes. 

“ Easy....easy spitfire....youre...just breathe for me ok?” He couldnt even nod, he couldnt move. He vageuely noticed Virgil and Logan both looking at him before the morning star was gone and Logan was in front of him, hands palm up in a non-threatening manner. 

“ Wrath can you hear me? Good...just listen to my voice...I need you to name me five things you can see.” He blinked rapidly and barely heard Remus’s and Virgil’s murmurs of reassurance. Or maybe Virgil’s was more quiet talking, as he was standing at Patton’ side  like the normally bubbly side’s shadow. 

“u...uuh....y..youre tie...r-remus’s outfit....the stairs...the others...and the Roman’s s-sword...” Logan gave a nod, slowly kneeling in front of him with a calm, leveled expression that helped him focus more.

“ Good, now four things you can touch. Take your time Wrath.” He flexed his fingers, more of a twitch really as his breathing began to even out slowly. “ Um...My jacket...the couch...my jeans...uh...t..the carpet?” He nodded again through his faltered stammering as the deepness faded.

“ Three things you can hear?” He blinked again and listened for a moment.

“ .....your voice...Remus’s voice...the others...” “ Two things you can smell, remember take your time.” “ Bacon...from breakfast...and someones cologne..” A small smile came to his face as he adjusted his glasses in slow noticeable motions.

“ Just just 1 thing you can taste.” He managed to smack his lips once and his face screwed up at the taste lingering in his mouth.

“ ....acidic bile...” Both their brows furrowed a little but when Logan looked over his shoulder Remus shrugged at the silent question.

“Probably needs to puke Dr. Maywhoo.” Logan sighed at the nickname and turned back to him, holding up his hands a little.

“ Now, Wrath Id life for you to unclench your jaw, roll and relax your shoulders, loosen your posture if you can, uncurl your fingers and exhale please.” He blinked and slowly did as instructed, not realizing until then that he was wound up like a jack in the box. His jaw ached as he unclenched it and his shoulders slumped heavily as he relaxed, fingers sore from apparently being curled into firsts for so long, small red lines in his palms from his nails. He felt calmer, drained and upset, but calm. 

“ Logan, Remus.” He looked past them to see virgil standing up tall, if not awkwardly, besides Roman and watching them with a hard to read look.

“ I...think sitting down and calmly talking...is now long overdue.” 

~~~~~

Hours later Wrath Des found himself on the mindscapes main couch tiredly nestled besides a dozed off Jealousy Jacob and a cheerfully talking Patton. They had spent hours haphazardly strewn around the very room, just...talking and discussing and airing years worth of grievences. It wasnt easy, and things were no where near fixed or completely repaired. But, there were many small positive steps taken in that direction...and things were lighter and better as they stood at a better understanding of each other. Things werent perfect, and in the back of his mind he could list everything that could fuck up and send them back spiraling. Yet he didnt want to ruin what...whatever it was happening as dinner was cooked. Logan, Remus, and Virgil all sat together on the other side of the couch chatting among themselves and with Patton as they tried to decide on a movie and played candyland. In the kitchen he could hear Roman and Deceit cooking and giggling with each other, trying to outdo each other with some dumb food based pick up lines. But they sounded happy, so many it wasnt that dumb...Des watched them play candyland, staying relatively quiet aside from answering questions and jabs sent his way. It was comfortable and relaxed, and Des couldnt help but yawn. Without noticing , he ended up resting his head on Patton’s clearly unoccupied and underutilized shoulder as his eyes drooped shut. He felt Patton jump a little before slowly relaxing, and he didnt even need to open his eyes to flip Remus off as he let out an overly exaggerated coo at the motion letting himself relax. Patton smelled good he decided. Like fabric softener and baked goods and some kind of spice...Des also decided that the blurry sight of the trio next to them, with Remus’s legs draped across Logan and Virgil’s laps and one hand playing with Virgils messy hair as he sat on Logan’s right and Virgil contently and fully relaxed into Logan’s left side, head resting in the crook of his neck and his hand laced with the logical side’s unused hand as they played was also good. The sound of Jacobs soft snores was soothing and the joyful flirty voices in the kitchen blended into it well when combined with Pattons soft humming. If this was how things would be more often....he’d learn to add a little more patience to his supply of the stuff....

And maybe for once he didnt have to be negative, with no more tension for now to be broken.

The end.

 Ok holy shit its finally finished!! This was over 7k goddamn words of emotion and holy shit was it a rollercoaster to write

THis is what happened when I wake up before 5 in the morning after not being able to sleep much...I apparently bust out 15 whole pages worth of words

Now....to go do my chores real quick and go pass the fuck out for an hour or two of sleep

I hope you guys liked it!!!

taglist

@phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @leesacrakon @amazable01 @strawberryjellystuff @heyhelloitsk @jemthebookworm @max-is-tired @seriously-a-dragon @sar-kasstic @soupspam @riarities @yalltookmyurlideas @unsocialchapeau @hyperions-stallion @aqua-mazing @pancakewithamace @dee-ree-vee @sensibleghost @ro-roowo @baby-duck-boy @wack-ismygender

[crepuscularqueens]

anyway i’ve threatened to make one of these for long enough without actually delivering: playlist breakdown, sambucky edition

the war years - city and colour (they’ve both got a lot of shit to work through and have seen more than either of them ever signed up for! i think many a thought. there’s also a mention of a falcon which is fun to me) and can we push it all away? will we remain chained to the war years?

unblu - jenny lewis & serengeti (you know like???? yeah! loving a sad bitch, that’s what it’s about) how long will I wait for you? to become un-blue / baby, i been climbing the mountain to your heart i coulda sworn i saw a diamond shine in the dark

nobody else will be there - the national (a band im contractually obligated to include on all playlists) you said we're not so tied together, what did you mean? / hey baby, where were you back there when i needed your help? i thought that if i stuck my neck out i'd get you out of your shell like can you honestly think about that in the context of sambucky and not go bonkers? if you’re literally anyone else on the planet, yeah probably!

bet ain’t worth the hand - leon bridges (this one is for if you have the same brain disease as me and read into the sour feelings in the beginning of tfatws as “oh these two are bitter bitter exes. delicious.” bc yeah i eat that right up as you may know) i got it bad, i think you know, you're everything, you're beautiful. but my life is fast, can't make it slow, we're here right now kiss me before i go, but you got to let me go / i might regret that i can't be your man, sometimes the bet isn't worth the hand

no promises - san fermin (hoo boy! im a genius for this one!) i won't promise you if you follow me around, i won't let you down, i won't let you down, been wandering who's to say if we'll be found / pack your bags, leave your home, drive all night, do it for me

clusterhug - i don’t know how but they found me (for the absolute vibes, it’s just fun) calculated, cold, without remorse, we can go to town, we can turn around, we can do anything / as charming as we are, we are nothing but pretty trash

hot coals - cold war kids (another contractual obligation, this absolutely fucks tho. makes me absolUtely lose it folks) i don’t feel a thing walking on hot coals, no sensitivity in a fog of war try to unwind to enjoy the good life, but the pressure that i hold on my shoulders goes / he’s not the type and soldiers don’t go to hell, it’s a place reserved for the twisted and evil. now you ask how i’m feeling, i told you then, you’re gonna torture me slowly with it now there’s a LOT to unpack there! have fun thinking about it <3

big blue - vampire weekend (my fav song to put on shippy playlists with this kinda frenemies/reluctant allies to lovers energy!) when i was hurt and in need of affection, when i was tired and i couldn't go home, then you offered protection. so am i learning my lesson? or am i back on my own?

forrest gump - frank ocean (for the au energy! i actually have an unfinished wip semi-inspired by this song. maybe someday it’ll see the light of day! it’s a very loose inspiration tho jdflsjal) my fingertips and my lips, they burn from the cigarettes / you run my mind, boy, running on my mind, boy

joy - bastille (very cute to think about them for this song!) take a walk through the wreckage, clearing out my head, i hear your eyes roll right down the phone. i'm your walking disaster, keep on dragging me from self-pity, poor me

why do you feel so down - declan mckenna (pretty much the opposite perspective from joy! i like how they tie together it works very well im sexy and intelligent) so don't lie to me, i know i'm not as cool as I'd like to be, but why do you feel so down? again, i know i'm not a very good friend, why do you feel so down? sure, that's not something i'd stick around for, why do you feel so down? oh god, i know you think i'm safe and sound, i'm not / i think you're one of a kind so i'll never like myself, i think you're older and wiser so i won't let you tell, i think it over and over and hope you're thinking too, i think it over and over and hope i'm over you

waiting for your love - cold war kids (i have a permit that says i can use two songs from the same artist if i’m really feeling it, don’t worry. this was one of the first songs i thought of for the playlist btw) i was lost when i found you, prowling through the city without food, you took me into your bedroom and held me all night / i see ghosts all around you, still haunted by the wolves that would hound you. let me in to protect you, ooh baby, it's time

from eden - hozier (yes, like the song i lifted the title for my series for lmao) there's something tragic about you, something so magic about you / there's something lonesome about you, something so wholesome about you / there's something wretched about this, something so precious about this

i found you - alabama shakes (nice feel good song about being in love!) i remember all them lonely days, i traveled out on my own, then you brought me everything and you made my house a home

age of kings - the mountain goats (yet another contractual obligation. we should all know how i get about the nice boys who make the good rockin tunes) why should we hide from anyone? held you in my arms for the first time that day, felt like god's anointed when you didn't push me away

whole of the moon - the waterboys (so much of my childhood was spent listening to the waterboys, this is a special honor) i was grounded, while you filled the skies. i was dumbfounded by truth, you cut through lies / with a torch in your pocket and the wind at your heels you climbed on the ladder and you know how it feels to get too high, too far, too soon, you saw the whole of the moon

[luvdsc]

hi miss cat! so i just recently read ur fic “august” and it was so heartbreakingly beautiful btw :”) you have such an amazing gift for writing and i hope you continue cus you’re touching a lot of people with the words and scenarios you create,, and the way i just resonate with each character especially y/n?? WOW.

august is also such a memorable and nostalgic month for me cus i met this guy (we don’t communicate anymore tho). we met thru a similar group of mutual friends at a get-together. he lived cities away from me so we usually just communicate via text or online. there wasn’t a label or anything but we would talk for days end. like it was we were “together” but not really “together” JADHHSJAAJ sometimes i would even wait and stay up late at night for him just so we could talk and he would do vice versa as well.

we met during august and i confessed to him later during Christmas Eve. turns out,, the feelings were mutual but it felt weird at the same time?? like usually we feel giddy and happy even but somehow it felt odd?? like in the back of my mind i kinda knew that this was probably gonna be the end and turns out i was right.

after our confession, we didn’t talk for awhile. at first i thought he was just busy so i just waited for him, while waiting, i would constantly message him everyday and update him on what’s been going on with me. i got to the point where i was just desperate like it was okay if he didn’t reply, just at least a “read” to all of my messages would be enough for me. so i rlly related to y/n so much in the fic :”) (btw i’m listening to august by taylor swift as i’m typing this so i’m kinda in my feels rn LMAO)

after 1737271 years, he FINALLY read them and then he blocked me in all of his socials??? LIEK?? OKAY DOUCHE?! then i heard from his friends that he deactivated after for awhile,,, and then when he came back and reactivated, i was able to messaged him again and i was just fed up and completely hurt and confused and asked him why did he block me and just ghosted me for months after everything.

GUESS WHO REPLIED?? HIS GIRLFRIEND?? I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND,, AND EVEN HIS FRIENDS DIDNT TELL ME ANYTHING, NOR WAS IT SPECIFIED IN HIS SOCIALS?? SO NOT ONLY AM I HURT BUT I FEL DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF?? like i would never try to ruin a relationship :// it was all just so messy.

turns out when i met him during august he was already dating someone, and during December when i confessed to him, it was also the same month of their 1st year anniversary. basically i just wanted to bury myself alive and drown in my tears at this point. it was the first time i was ever so invested in someone but in the end it felt like shit :// he was my “almost” which hurt the most cus he wasn’t technically mine? FOR GODS SAKE ALL THIS TIME I WAS THE SIDE HOE WITHOUT ME EVEN KNOWING LIKE HELL NAW IM OVER THIS😫😤🤢

we chatted a few weeks after, and surprisingly he initiated the conversation as if nothing had happened? he noticed i was being distant and cold and he was like “are u mad at me” nO I JUST RLY WANT TO PUNCH U OFF TO THE NEXT HEMISPHERE CUS YOURE SUCH A DOUCHE!!! and then he was like “i’m sorry, although I don’t really know what i should say sorry for, but yea i’m sorry” the fact that he didn’t see the reason/purpose as to why he should say sorry just makes his apology all the more meaningless 😪🤧

after that we just started fighting and that was the last time we ever talked to each other. i blocked his number and all his social media accounts, i even unfriended our mutual “friends” since i just wanted to cut everything and everyone related and connected to him completely.

but now i’m okay:D looking back, he wasn’t even worth it. it’s just a shame that he was the first person i invested all my love and time to, despite all the distance and uncertainty, that’s what i regret the most. it was also hard cus although i didn’t know about his relationship with his girlfriend i felt disgusted and ashamed of myself for awhile. like the ghosting did hurt but him blatantly lying and flirting with me despite being in a committed relationship hurt worse i can’t even imagine what his gf feels ohgod.

i’m sorry this is so long. but like i said earlier, you really have such a gift for writing and i hope that life offers you lots and lots of colorful, beautiful and fun moments in your life, like how it is in all your stories! hehe ❤️💫✨💐💐 stay safe miss cat and i’m wishing u all the best <3

hi, honey bee !! 💓 omg thank you so much for reading august and saying such nice things about it 🥺🥺💟 and you’re so sweet klashaskfdlj i’m gonna cry, thank you for complimenting my writing 😭💗💗 it makes me really happy to know that my stories can make you feel this way and that you can put yourself in yn’s shoes :’) 

oh god... reading what happened to you, i’m so so sorry that you wasted your time on such a d!ck /: he sounds absolutely disgusting, and the fact that he can’t even see where he went wrong??? also how his friends didn’t say anything?? jfc cheating is the one thing that makes me the most upset, like.... why would he do that???? if you wanna hook up with someone, break up with your s/o first. it’s a douche move, sure, but it’s the worst to cheat. you’re breaking your s/o at that point ): i’ve unfortunately seen both sides of this because of my friends, and god, i’ve seen the strongest girls get broken down because their trust is broken and they think it’s their fault and it’s just so so painful. i’m so sorry you had to go through this, lovebug ):

good on you for cutting off your mutual friends and everything associated with him. you don’t need that in your life, and i’m really happy that you’re doing okay and thriving now, sweetpea 🌸 i’m sorry that he was your first relationship ): i hope that, if you choose to try again, the next person knows how lucky they are to have you 🤍 you should not be disgusted nor ashamed of yourself, angel ): he’s the one who should be feeling those things. you didn’t know, and it’s not your fault. he hurt you and his gf, and that’s on him. (and i hope his gf dumped his sorry @ss)

and it’s okay, lovebug, you don’t have to apologize! 💞 thank you for wanting to share your thoughts and feelings after reading august 🥺💕 and thank you so so sooo much 😭💛 all my stories are based heavily on my life, so i’d say that life has indeed offered me tons of colorful and beautiful and fun moments :’) fingers crossed that i continue to receive more tho!!!! and i hope for the same for you, honey bee !!! i hope life treats you kindly and only good things come your way 🌼🌼 thank you again, lovebug, and i hope you’re staying safe and happy, and i’m sending you all my love and support 🌷🌷🌷✨

[jordyngellerxo]

THE FIGHT. 

summary: caleb & zeke get into a fight at at the charity ball event during the aspen trip. involved: zeke king, caleb walsh feat. jordyn geller, nicole hampton

** TRIGGER WARNINGS: physical altercation, arguments, mentions of cheating, blood mentions. **

TAGGED: CALEB WALSH @calebfck, ZEKE KING @zekehq, NICOLE HAMPTON @nicolehampton

CALEB.

caleb always felt out of place at fancy parties and events. truth be told, if it weren't for jordyn, he would have gladly just donated a good amount of money and stayed home in his pajamas. the only thing that made the night tolerable was the open bar, which he had been taking advantage of from the moment he and jordyn walked through the door. he lost track of how many drinks he had about four drinks ago, but he really didn't care. he was on the verge of blacking out and was well past his limit, but he was having fun. so, he really had to thank the countless beers in his system for that. he was dancing with jordyn and laughing with her friends, which rarely happened. he was even okay with being within five feet of that zeke kid who always seemed to be getting under his skin in someway. he peered down at jordyn with a lazy smile, "this is a lot more fun than i thought it would be," he shouted over the music and the hum of conversation around them, "we need to get some food soon, or im not going to remember any of this."

NICOLE/JORDYN.

they were easily almost two hours into the event and it had been going surprisingly well. it took forever to convince caleb to come, even longer to deny his first three choices of a wardrobe, but it wasn't for not. they made it and were actually having fun. jordyn had been in her own special version of heaven. arm draped loosely around nicole with her head rested on her shoulder, devilish grin beaming towards zeke before caleb broke her attention from wordlessly poking her best friend. jordyn's brow arched quizzically and she almost had to ask him to repeat himself until nicole's voice chimed in closer to her ear, "my husband said he's having fun but hungry and you need to feed him... before he passes out like a little baby bitch." the blonde pressed a kiss to the dark haired beauty's cheek as jordyn let out a sigh. "i suppose we can find something for you to eat." she hummed, planting a kiss to caleb then offering an apologetic look to nicole whom she was forced to move to get up, "you gonna come help me find food for the big baby?" jordyn asked, holding her hand out for zeke as she batted her lashes at him.

ZEKE.

zeke wasn't the type to waste his chances for throwing back liquor and celebrating... anything deemed appropriate by the blond. mostly he enjoyed celebrating himself. did he ever foresee himself within close range distance of any kind with jordyn's fiance? not at all, especially considering he never liked to address the other man by his name, let alone breathe in the same space as him. being at a charity event of any kind wasn't the time or the place for him to get into trouble, so he kept as best a distance as he could within the time span that he'd been here. rolling his eyes as he watched her being smug and tempting him to stick his tongue out like a child. he couldn't help but snicker at the whole conversation or the fact that caleb seemed to be rather lightweight in comparison to jordyn. tossing his head back, an exaggerated sigh slipped from zeke's mouth as he debated his options. "are we getting more shots, too? cause i need more liquor in my system." even as he'd already chosen that going with his friend was a more favorable option than being in caleb's presence.

CALEB.

caleb kept his arm wrapped around jordyn's waist as he stood up, "see? this is why i love you. you don't get too mad when i need food at these ridiculously long parties," he grinned. caleb looked over at nicole and shook his head, "and you," he pointed at her, "you don't get to call me a little bitch when i know about your secret little rendezvous with you know who," he sang and gave a pointed look toward zeke before he tapped his finger on the tip of nicole's nose. he definitely should not have said that as loud as he did, but his inhibitions were long gone. looking back at jordyn he tilted his head to the side, "do you think they've got steak? or is this an hors d'oeuvres situation?"

NICOLE/JORDYN.

jordyn’s gaze shifted up to mouth an i love you to caleb, who was watching her with that drunken twinkle in his eye. her expression was full of amusement…but not surprise. caleb could do anything, but truth be told, jordyn could drink him under the table any day of the week. a trait she got from her father. "mhm, be sure to add that in your vows. that just really hits home for me, all star." the brunette hummed which made nicole chuckle. nicole, who too had been drinking since she'd arrived, was now using jordyn as cover to cuddle into to keep her out of trouble and from looking over to her ex. the sweet smile on her characteristics full of amusement for caleb's drunken ramble falling as he continued speaking. in fact, she froze, no longer protected by jordyn. she couldn't figure what he was talking about. they'd been pretty good tonight. or tried to in front of people. unless caleb wasn't talking about tonight. nikki's eyes swiftly darted up and narrowed on caleb. she couldn't even move after his drunken slur when his finger landed on her nose. the only person who knew about her only rendezvous was olivia. she couldn't see zeke spilling details of her birthday night to anyone... not after everything they'd been through, not with how he was with her... but especially not confiding their friend's fiancé. that didn't stop her heart from dropping to the pit of her stomach. "caleb, you're drunk... i think it's bedtime for you." nicole spoke, her voice sweet but with a hidden harshness in her tone after clearing her throat. jordyn's eyes flickered around the group. nikki's puzzled face, caleb's dumbstruck grin, watching as he looked to zeke. her jaw damn near hit the floor as she hushed her soon to be husband, tilting her head as her sights zeroed in on her ride or die. "so... food? shots? zeke you wanna go down a few with me? anything for anyone before i go get this big baby to bed?" jordyn asked in attempts to lighten the mood and divert attention for caleb's rambles.

ZEKE.

zeke had been focused on the prospect of alcohol, ignoring a majority of what slipped out of the other’s mouth. amber hues and his full attention zeroed in as he spoke to nicole, his entire body going ridged. the blond hadn’t told anyone about his stolen moments with nicole, let alone caleb of all people. his thoughts circled back to the one night that could be what the other male was talking about the same time he was searching nicole’s expression for reassurance that she hadn’t confided about that night to caleb. he couldn’t see it, but none of that mattered to the feelings surface within as he stood there. “maybe you should watch what the fuck you’re speakin’ on when it has nothing to do with you.” he glared at the other male, before letting his attention return to his best friend. “no, no, moments passed i wanna know what the fuck ol dude thinks he knows so much about now.”

CALEB.

caleb was drunk, but he wasn’t drunk enough to immediately know that he had fucked up. that he had fucked up in a major way, at that. he cleared his throat and stood up straight. he forgot that he was the only one that knew that he knew what had happened in jordyn’s bar. “right,” he mumbled, “i’m too drunk,” he agreed. he was ready to leave the party and leave it at that, but of course things couldn’t be that easy. zeke had to say something and there was no way caleb could just let it go. his arm around jordyn’s waist tightened ever so slightly as he turned to glare zeke, “and maybe you shouldn’t fuck another dudes girl in my fiancé’s bar,” he growled lowly. there really was no going back now. the shots had been fired and he’d have to deal with the consequences tomorrow.

NICOLE/JORDYN.

just like that, in the blink of an eye things had gone from bad to worse. it was almost impossible for jordyn to keep her eyes from popping out of her head nor the unruly gasp which escaped from her lips as she stood there. her brain frantically trying to process and defuse the situation at the same time, but that was wishful thinking. she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. that's when nicole's voice sounded and stole the words right from her mouth. "caleb!" the blonde hissed, voice lowered, green eyes locked on jordyn's soon to be husband. "you don't have the slightest clue on what you're talking about and whatever happens between me and zeke is absolutely none of your business. at all." she couldn't tell if it was her defensiveness over the look exchanged from caleb to zeke, or the idea of him running his mouth on a situation that she didn't regret, but didn't want an entire charity event to be privy to. "caleb, what the fuck. just stop. leave whatever this is alone." jordyn murmured trying to keep whatever this was under wraps. "i think we should just call it a night, walsh."

ZEKE.

zeke could barely hear the attempts being made to diffuse the situation and shut caleb up, but he’s caught the words that the other male had tossed in his direction and he stepped closer toward the other, his features tightened as he glared. “and you should learn not to act like a little fucking bitch and open your mouth on something that you know fuck all about. not only out of respect for your wife but your friend,” he all but spat the words in disgust as he scoffed out a harsh laugh. “if you can’t handle your liquor maybe you should slow it the fuck down when you’re in public. talk about some loose fuckin lips, you’re marrying one nosey motherfucker, jordynella. “ tossing a half glance at his friend but keeping his eyes on the other male for the most part.

CALEB.

it was easy for caleb to ignore nicole and jordyn's attempts to get him to shut the hell up once zeke started to get more aggresive with him. he knew there was no chance that they were going to avoid some kind of altercation between the two of them. honestly, it was a long time coming. caleb was pretty sick of zeke's holier-than-thou attitude he had whenever caleb was out with him and jordyn. he looked between the two girls and scoffed, "i know exactly what i'm talking about and you do too," he rolled his eyes. "you didn't have to react to what i said, you all made it obvious what i was talking about." he did try to not mention names or speak loudly enough for other people to hear him. as soon as zeke moved closer to him, caleb stiffened, "how the fuck am i nosey? it's not my fault you were careless and didn't check to turn of the fucking alarm. you're lucky i didn't call the cops on your dumb ass," he growled. caleb was getting heated maybe a little too fast, but he wasn't about to stop. "and you know what? forget all the rest of this shit," he huffed, "i'm sick and fucking tired of your rude little remarks and blatant disrespect. i've done nothing to you and you're an ass to me for no fuckin reason," he continued without missing a beat. he had sobered up pretty quickly and was ready for a fight. "you know, maybe we should take this outside," he spat.

NICOLE/JORDYN.

there were a lot of things that nicole hampton could stomach or would actively play off like she could but hearing someone or anyone speak to... or at zeke the way caleb was something that struck a nerve so hard and deep she couldn't see straight. she could handle her own when it came to defending herself and her choices, but what she wouldn't stand for or allow under any circumstances was someone especially a drunken caleb. "that is absolutely none of your fucking business like i said." even knowing she was done with anything involving her ex old habits died hard, and there wasn't a single person she'd be even the slightest bit okay with speaking to him the way he was being spoken to now. "jordyn gave the keys to me, not zeke. i had him meet me, so if you wanna be a bitch about things caleb... be a bitch to the right person. even more proof you don't have a single clue about when your talking about with your whole ass chest." all the while jordyn had managed to shift from caleb's grasp, sighing heavily as her blood pressure rose quick in speed. "it's my fucking bar?! i'll give my keys to whoever i want, and i'll decide if and when i call the cops." she hissed towards caleb, "and you, you don't get to give me the side eye. he's drunk - both of you are being fucking stupid for no god damn reason. enough, seriously."

ZEKE.

zeke had never been quiet about his dislike for caleb, despite the rest of the world including jordyn viewing the pair as cute. did he have a real reason for instantly hating the other? probably not, but once zeke made his mind up fully on a subject he closed himself off to the potential to change opinions. petty, always something that could be said for the king male but he had never been one to shy away from an argument or a fight. his gaze shifted to nicole, hating the idea that she was attempting to defend him after their earlier moment and the fact that he wasn’t the type to shut up. “you were real fucking private about tossing a look at me, so the fuck do you think I was gonna do? sit the fuck back while you continue to talk bullshit? you made it pretty fucking obvious where you were tryna throw accusations around when I don’t give a fuck what you saw,” zeke cocked his head, the actor forcing out a fake laugh as he rolled his eyes. “you still don’t know shit. you’re nosey cause you out here trying spread shit like it had shit to do with you. like it’s your business to be worried about. probably fucking should have, do you think i give a fuck? or that I’d thank your ass? how fucking delusional.” the blonde let out another harsh bought of laughter as he listened to caleb complain over his attitude. “i don’t fucking like you, that’s reason enough I don’t give a single shit about you. I hope to god one day you actually are worthy of my best friend right there but i highly fucking doubt I’ll ever believe that or see that.” all but sneering the words. pausing to offer another sarcastic laugh to jordyn’s comment, he shook his head. “ he should learn to hold his liquor and keep his mouth shut.” motioning towards the outside, zeke shrugged. “let’s fucking go.”

CALEB.

caleb clenched his jaw and looked at nicole, "fine. i don't know what i'm talking about," he stated. he wasn't going to fight with nicole. he never had a problem with her and didn't want to cause trouble for her. it was easy to let that shit go. he more focused on zeke's arrogant ass at this point, anyway. he let zeke finish his little rant and his insults. he knew the words didn't matter at the end of the day."you didn't have to fucking react," he replied. "if i wanted a secret kept and someone said something about it, i sure as hell wouldn't react, but maybe that's just me," he rolled his eyes. "it's said and done, get over it." caleb was ready to show this kid his place and he would have no regrets kicking his ass. he could floor someone twice zeke's size in under ten seconds, and that was on a bad day. caleb laughed suddenly, "you think i give two shits if you like me? i couldn't care less. you know absolutely nothing about me and jordyn, so if you're gonna go off on a rant about me not talking on things i know nothing about," he mocked zeke, "then you need to shut the hell up about my relationship. she is the only person i care about when all is said and done and she knows that." he could have gone on for hours about jordyn and how much he loved her, but he was already seeing red and had been ready to punch zeke for a good while now. he exhaled heavily and walked toward the door, making sure to shoulder check zeke as he passed him on the way out.

NICOLE/JORDYN.

jordyn's limits of stupidity had passed minutes ago, someone with four older brothers knew exactly how this was going to play out. they were going to get in touch with some deep rooted grasp for the title of supreme masculinity ruler, act like absolute idiots in front of everyone all over something that shouldn't have been spoke of in the first place. that was the most disconcerting part of this whole ordeal. she peeled her eyes from zeke and caleb long enough to see some of the color return to nicole's face, protectively draping an arm over her shoulder only for her to instantly shake it off. "caleb," nicole said, cocking her head back before bringing it back to her rightful place to look at the athlete beside her, "who the fuck are you talking to right now? because i know it's not zeke... and i know you aren't getting all knee deep into things that did or didn't happen that really didn't involve you no matter what you think you saw. it's not just get over it, because it's not just about zeke." jordyn shook her head, pulling nicole back as it became all the more obvious where this was heading, "let 'em go, sniks." it was easier said than done, being as both unwillingly trailed behind after watching the man she was weeks away from marrying shoulder check her best friend, her for all intents and purposes her platonic soulmate. "zeke... don't it's not worth it." nikki called out, it wasn't her place nor business but the last thing everyone needed was either of them throwing hands during a charity event, jordyn's voice trailing not far behind, "caleb, i swear on everything... you lay one single fuckin finger on him, i'll kick your ass." jordyn's brown eyes narrowing on zeke, "don't be fuckin' stupid. over nothing, zeke. seriously."

ZEKE.

zeke couldn’t hear or see anything past his irritation with the footballer, logic had never been his strong suit. the blond already disliked the guy and he’d spoken on something that wasn’t his business. isaac king was a lot of things but he wasn’t someone about to back down from a fight. sure, caleb was taller and an athlete but zeke had enough fights under his belt. he wasn’t kidding any of the times he threw out his dodgeball practice and dodging skills either. undoubtedly, zeke was going to leave the fight looking less pretty than he preferred to be but he wasn’t going to go down easy and he’d not be the only one taking hits. even if he was certain that any onlookers would assume so from his height. ignoring the rest of caleb’s commentary because there was never a time when he listened to anyone and he wasn’t about to start now, he followed the other male with every intent to fight him. momentarily paused by nicole’s call out but after their last interaction his look over of the femme was short lived as he clenched his jaw. turning to his friend, he raised a brow. “It’s not nothing. He don’t need to worry about shit that has nothing to do with him.” He didn’t pinpoint that he meant his situation with nicole, or that night. he didn’t need to. despite the liquor in his system, zeke felt more than sober.

CALEB.

caleb chose to ignore nicole. they were well past the point where any reasoning would stop them from fighting. he knew the headlines were gonna be messy and that a lot of people would have a lot to say, but he just didn't care anymore. he turned around to look at jordyn and shrugged his shoulders, "then kick my ass, jord. this has been a long time coming and you know it. this dude has been disrespectful for too fuckin long and i'm sick of it." his voice was very matter of fact and he made sure he left no room for argument. he knew jordyn would kick his ass or just make him sleep on the couch for a few days, but that wasn't anything he couldn't handle. once they were outside, caleb made sure to walk a good distance away from the doors the came out. he was stupid, but he wasn't stupid enough to get into a fight right in the open. he didn't want to draw too much attention. as soon as he was a good distance, he turned to zeke and his fist was flying toward the actor's face.

NICOLE/JORDYN.

"you know what, caleb, fuck you then." jordyn said, causing nicole to jump. even after nicole and zeke’s altercation, after her saying she was done she couldn’t help but feel like her heart had plunged full speed into the pit of her stomach following her and zeke’s exchange of looks. this didn’t involve her, not anymore, not after she’d essentially just finished telling her ex they were finished for good. those were just words, her senses numbed to anything besides the fact she couldn’t comprehend something happening to the father of her child. being finished didn’t stop her from standing there, heart racing as she witnessed caleb toss his fist in zeke’s direction. her gasp and initial reaction was to step in only to be stopped by jordyn’s hands on her shoulders pulling her back until she inevitably gave in. “nicole, no. they’re acting like idiot cavemen, so fuck ‘em both.” jordyn hissed, pulling nicole back in with a grimace at the view before them, jaw tightening. the fact caleb, in front of anyone in earshot, decided to say something about zeke and nicole and things unbeknownst to her happening in her own bar only irritated her more. there was a certain code between jordyn and zeke, see nothing say nothing. caleb using her as an excuse to get into a physical altercation with her best friend didn’t sit well, in fact, she stood there not only utterly unamused but questioning things she’d been sure about since meeting caleb. “do something, jordyn...” nicole pleaded to the femme holding her in place. sighing she looked from nicole to zeke and caleb, “what the fuck do you want me to do, nik? if dumb and dumber wanna pummel each other into a fuckin’ pulp let ‘em do it. this whole thing is a stupid my dick is bigger than yours contest anyways. they’re both being little bitches,” she snapped, “just go… okay? i’ll let you know when i get zeke back to his room. i promise it’ll be okay.” moving back and gesturing nicole to the doors back inside, shaking her head.

ZEKE.

zeke didn't have anymore time or space to use words, all his energy buzzed through the festering annoyance with caleb. disdain for the male precedent didn't weigh in on the blond's current issue, not liking caleb hadn't ever been a problem for him and he wasn't going to make it one tonight. winning no awards for his brains didn't mean zeke was going to be a complete fool, standing back and waiting for caleb to turn around and deck him in the face wasn't on his agenda. the first hit was a freebie dodge, the blond's fists instinctively swinging towards the other male a millisecond later.

CALEB.

caleb chose to ignore his fiancé and just keep his head in the game. they’d have their fight later, he was sure of it. and knowing jordyn, that fight would probably be worse than this one. caleb pushed that to the back of his mind and focused on zeke. he took note of his body language and anticipated his first move. he wanted this to be a fair fight, so he was gonna let zeke get a few good hits in. he had taken worse hits on the football field. caleb laughed and was swinging again when he was sure zeke wouldn’t anticipate his move.

ZEKE.

an actor fighting a football player — the results were inevitable, isaac knew that. it was a first he could add to his list, though, because despite his long list of fight history and mouthiness getting him into "trouble", none of them had been footballers. or they just weren't any good at their job if they were. he felt the swing lingering, radiating somewhere near his jaw but he could endure those hits. a right hook aimed at the other, ignoring both surroundings and whatever noise or vocalizations stemme from the other in response.

CALEB.

caleb shook off any hit that zeke managed to get in. he knew he’d be sore for a day or two, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. the actor was holding his own a lot better than he had expected. at least it was a somewhat fair fight. caleb wasn’t going as hard as he could have and he was sure jordyn at least had to have known he was holding back. caleb suddenly swept  his leg behind zeke’s and kicked the back of his knees to get him off his feet.

ZEKE.

he'd all but forgotten the small audience they did have. purposefully not throwing any kicks out, zeke had definitely not been expecting the other male to throw any either and it would've have made him laugh. if being knocked into the snow hadn't pissed zeke off more than the rest of the fight, the cold serving only to push him to sweep his leg through caleb's so he could experience the same meeting with the snow covered ground.

CALEB.

caleb couldn’t stop himself from laughing as zeke fell to the ground. it was always funny watching someone else fall. even if zeke hadn’t kicked him down as well, it wouldn’t have been long before he got down anyway. he scrambled to get the upper hand and close enough to throw another punch toward zekes face. he wasn’t sure how much longer they would go at it but he  could go until someone physically pulled them apart. caleb wasn’t a quitter, that was for sure.

ZEKE.

gritting his teeth, zeke ignored the icky substance he hated with a searing passion as his annoyance rose with caleb's laughter. this was a fight, how the fuck was knocking someone down that amusing when they were both supposed to be pissed off? zeke shook off the thought, taking the hit to his face and returning an elbow to the other male's ribs. swiftly throwing his fist in the direction of caleb's jaw, not thinking much about when they would have to stop. if zeke had any say, his stubbornness and overally endurance, the blond wouldn't quit until they were pulled apart by someone else.

CALEB.

tw: blood 

 caleb grunted when zeke elbowed him in the rib and not too long after hit him in the jaw. he could taste blood and he knew zeke had split his lip open. all sense of amusement faded and caleb was pissed off again. he angrily spat the blood out on to the snow before he moved to get on top of zeke and landed a hit right on his cheekbone. he hoped to at least have given zeke a black eye or a cut on his cheek. there was no way he was gonna be the only one leaving this fight with visible injuries.

ZEKE.

zeke knew he was going to leave this with more damage overall than caleb, he could feel the impacted areas and knew he'd look rough for at least a week. any mark on the other was worth it. he almost took a moment to laugh at the result of his last hit, but he didn't find any of the situation funny. reminded of the icy snow, he felt the hit to his cheek. his stubbornness would only irk him in the morning when he saw the damage to his face, right now none of the cuts, scrapes or radiating pain soon to be bruised areas registered as important. shoving caleb off him and moving to take the top spot, he tossed another hit to the other.

NICOLE/JORDYN.

there was no way in hell jordyn had set out with any intention of getting in between the two now snow covered and visibly injured men on the ground. if they wanted to be stupid, she figured it was better to let them. she didn't have the slightest clue how testosterone worked but it was practically spewing from both men and she assumed they'd catch on sooner or later. but that was her holding her hopes too high. "oh jesus christ..." she grumbled angrily to herself unfolding her arms after the final blows were tossed by each of them. if she stood back any longer someone was probably bound to get really hurt so she got up, looking over her shoulder only to find nicole standing there, eyes widened, mouth covered with an arm wrapped around herself. "fuck me. if either one of you hit me, i'll slap the stupid straight out of both of you." the brunette huffed, bracing herself for any accidental blows, "ENOUGH." she yelled, pulling zeke from his position on top of caleb. under any other circumstances, she probably would've made a joke, but none of this was funny. in fact, it was so beyond unamusing that she knew she'd be unable to look at either for days afterwards. "you have fun? was it worth it? because you put on quite the show... and both you fuckheads managed to turn a night about doing something good into a pissing contest and a show boat for you two and put on show for everyone else." she spat, her breath puffing clouds as a shiver shot down her spine. "get up, caleb." jordyn stood back, eyeing her fiancé on the ground face twisting up in utter disapproval and disgust. "you both fight like a bunch of 3 year olds, by the way. go clean yourselves up before anyone starts taking pictures and makes this worse."

CALEB.

caleb was lost in the fight. the only thing he could hear were the sounds of their fists making contact with each other’s faces and the grunts that followed. he wasn’t sure how long they rolled around in the snow (which at this point didn’t even feel cold anymore). caleb could feel the adrenaline coursing through his body as things got a little more intense. he could have gone for a while longer if he hadnt been taken out of his trance by jordyn suddenly shouting at the two of them. he slumped against the ground once zeke had been pulled off of him and laid there for a second, trying to catch his breath. he could barely understand the lecture jordyn was giving, but he was sure it was something about the two of them being stupid and annoying. after a second, he got up and brushed the snow off of his pants. he spat once more in anger before he stomped off without an word to anyone.

ZEKE.

TW: abusive mentioned 

 the minute jordyn's voice registered, her words immediately made zeke halt his actions as he was pulled off her fiance, his jaw clenched and his eyes rolling. zeke was a lot of stupid, but he'd never laid his hands on a woman in any physically abusive manner. he wasn't about to make the mistake accidentally or not, but that didn't mean he was over the situation at hand. it didn't matter, at the moment, what happened next between him and his best friend. was she likely pissed at him? yes, but zeke couldn't bring himself to register why he should be concerned with it. his amber hues rolled once more as he watched caleb stalk off without a word, but as they flicked over to see nicole's features... his heart stopped momentarily. he was more than ready to get away from the situation all of a sudden. fighting with caleb was easily swiped from his thoughts, because everything in him focused on the expression. any residual anger, adrenaline, pride over leaving some form of mark on a good sized footballer... slid from him and he felt defeated. deflated, physically his frame exhaled all the remaining air from his lungs and he shook his head, pulling off the suit jacket he adorned and heading off in the direction of where he was staying, wordlessly as a half hearted roll of his eyes followed this time.