#but i really love jimmy and sea and mark is there as well :(

[jojotichakorn]

well, i've watched the last twilight trailer...

[bengiyo]

Last Twilight Ep 1 Stray Thoughts

Starting this one skeptical. It's an original story from Aof about a topic he could absolutely fumble. With GMMTV's shows being such a disappointment for me lately, I hope he doesn't also take a hit.

I'm excited to see Baby Ohm again.

I'm glad Sea is actually a good badminton player so they could get good footage.

At the point that we're breaking bottles to stab people things have really escalated too far.

I'm not sure how to read intercutting the fight with Day's vision loss. Perhaps they're connecting the two experiencing a major loss around the same time.

I like the scene where Mok fixes the manager's chair even as he's making his displeasure at being overlooked very apparent. Clearly things have changed for him in the last year, and he's trying to hold on to his temper.

Oh, I was wondering how the sister died. This is tragic.

Mark!!

I like that Day was immediately interested in someone who seemed less formal.

Okay, I could read Jimmy's face there in that confrontation with Day. He's gotten better. I could feel his injured pride and disappointment coming through at once.

I'm fascinated by Porjai having a new boyfriend and yet maintaining this friendship with Mhok. They don't feel like exes still yearning for each other.

Aof and friends are still really good at contextualizing love and loss. This scene about the car shows how much people cared about Rung and how much Rung and Mhok cared about each other. They had already lost their parents, and now Mhok is alone.

An eye donation? Hold on let me look up something.

Curious what happened between Day and his brother. Was the brother involved in the car crash? What's this thing about being the hero of the family?

I'm just gonna assume they hadn't driven very far for Mhok to be able to help here.

Le Petit Prince!!

Jimmy's mustache continuity is driving me insane.

Okay, I like the decision and job acceptance scene.

Well, I am going to come back for the next episode! With all of the disappointment I've taken lately from BL, I'm only giving shows an hour to assess them and then setting them aside until convinced to come back if they don't do anything for me in the first hour. I'm intrigued by the potential dynamics here.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

15 Day BL Challenge - Part 2

Day 23 - Most disappointing ending to a series?

It's rare for me to be full on disappointed in an ending, more often there's a bit of a slide off in interest on my part, or a "well, that...could have been better", before moving on to what's next on my massive list of unwatched QLs. There's quite a few shows that fit that description.

But when I tried to think of something that really made me feel truly disappointed, there was really one show that came to mind - Last Twilight.

I do still think it was extremely well made and loved a large part of it, and I don't regret watching it. Jimmy and Sea were amazing. I also don't think Day getting his sight back was inherently bad, or even having a breakup/time skip, though I don't typically like those much.

But I was very disappointed in how they treated Mhok at the end.

It seemed like there was such an interesting parallel being set up, in terms of how society treats those of particular demographics - someone with a disability, in Day's case, and someone coming from poverty and dealing with a prison background, in Mhok's case.

But as we got to the end, Day's wealth & class privilege over Mhok was completely dismissed, and Mhok was someone framed as completely responsible for everything that had gone wrong in their relationship. The show also completely dropped any care over Mhok's trauma in how he lost his sister, and how he might need support overcoming that.

Normally I have a lot of grace for directors, we often don't have the full picture of what they are navigating behind the scenes, but in this case we know that P'Aof has a lot of creative control at GMMTV. Plus he had showcased some effective commentary on poverty and disability in Moonlight Chicken, this man is not unfamiliar with these arenas of oppression. So the fact that he missed the mark so badly on this one was a true disappointment for me.

[puppy-phum]

not technically just bl, but top 5 gmmtv couples of the year 👯‍♂️

i know you said this was not restricted to BLs but that's what i went with anyway :'D also, i decided to pick CPs instead of on-screen couples bc i wasn't sure which one you meant here. i hope you're not disappointed!

-

My Top 5 GMMTV Couples of 2023

I. JimmySea (Jimmy Jitaraphol & Sea Tawinan)

ppl would probably be concerned if i didn't answer jimmy and sea. i've been here with them for over 1,5 years now and my love for them hasn't diminished at all. there's just something so comforting and genuine about them. their presence and their performances (on stage and on-screen) feel like a hug to me. i loved puentalay to bits, i am currently head over heels in love with morkday, and i keep hoping this isn't the end. gmmtv2024 part 2 will give us a new series with them bc they cannot just throw aside the depths these two have found for their relationship ♥

II. ForceBook (Force Jiratchapong & Book Kasidet)

witnessing their glorious comeback this year made me so happy. after an unjustified onslaught of hate and a long stay in gmm's basement, their chance to shine again was well overdue. enchanté and akktheo convinced me of their extraordinary chemistry, and this year forcebook truly outdid themselves in both of their series. guncher in a boss and a babe became very dear to me, and topmew showed sides of them i didn't know even existed. they've grown so much, and i hope the upcoming year only brings them more opportunities that let them shine even brighter ♥

III. OffGun (Off Jumpol & Gun Atthaphan)

probably my oldest bl actor cp. i first got to know them after theory of love where i absolutely adored khaithird. i know the majority (?) hated that show but i loved it to bits. i watched puppy honey soon after to see more of them, but never really felt too strongly about pickrome. i went around the internet to learn a bit about them as actors and people for a while but they never really stuck with me then. and then not me and seanwhite happened. offgun took over my heart again and i was truly sad when i thought not me would be their last bl. but then they announced cooking crush! and now we get the trainee too! and i just think my love for them will never end; they've been here with me through it all, in one way or another ♥

IV. PondPhuwin (Pond Naravit & Phuwin Tangsakyuen)

during the surge of bl in my life that begun with bad buddy (and maybe not me too), i binged a ton of other/older gmmtv (bl) series. fish upon the sky was one of them, and even if i never quite liked that series, i loved the chemistry between pond and phuwin. i've actually known phuwin since his acting debut under gmm (when he was a true baby) and was curious to see him with a new face. i was even more excited when i realized they would be getting a new chance with never let me go as palmnueng would introduce a very different type of setting for them. now they're very dear to me as i also came to know pond and especially phuwin as people ♥

V. MarcPawin (Marc Natarit & Pawin Thanik)

the black sheep of my 2023 that i never saw coming. honestly, i wasn't a big fan of my gear and your gown, and so i thought i was not hooked on these two. then they got their glorious comeback during the nlmg our skyy 2 eps and a whole ass tsunami were put in motion in my brain. the wave hit shore when they started getting side couple vibes in dangerous romance and finally got to kiss again. and now we have we are where these two are about to be one of the couples (still not sure if they're main or not). am obsessed. i love this comeback for them. i hope this carries them further than ittpai ever did ♥

Bonus: Mark Pakin + Everyone

i think my school president and his role as tiw started the rise of one mark pakin. after that, the year 2023 has truly been His Year. he's gone from tiw and being paired with ford to appearing as saleng in moonlight chicken where he was paired with view to then appearing again as tiw who was even more prominently with por (ford) to getting paired with neo in only friends as nick and now ending his year as night in last twilight where we've seen the first hints of him being paired with namtan. boy keeps changing partners like socks and it's absolutely brilliant bc he has chemistry with everybody. he's even teased new upcoming projects with a new partner (ohm thi?) and keeps saying he's truly fine with any partner and anyone we'd like to ship him with. an icon. a legend. i love him a lot.

-

thank you for sending this question to me jess! i hope this was anything like what you wanted to see ^^ i made some tough decisions here bc i also had several other couples/ppl i would've liked to point out after this year.

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Thai BQL Favourites List Tag Game

Thank you for tagging me @feralmuskyscentedhoepran (I think other people have also tagged me but it's been a while and I don't remember, so apologies for that! - There's also the '9 favourite tv series which two people tagged me to do, so that's also on my to-do-at-some-point list!)

Favourite bl:

I mean, it's obvious if you've been following me for a while (but Be My Favourite is coming close!)

Favourite pairing:

Look. There are SO MANY good pairs, so instead of choosing between them I'm going to go a bit left-field and name a pairing who I can't wait to see together again because I ADORED them in 10 Years Ticket (not ql, I know, but they'll be in 23.5 so I think it counts).

Most underrated actor:

I know most people already know of his magnificence but I don't think he's properly led a show as a lead pair and he absolutely could. And I want to see it.

Favourite character:

I love so many for so many reasons but the depth of love that I have for Pran is hard to beat. He pined for so long and finally got his man. And I see so much of myself in him.

Favourite side character:

I'm going to cheat again and say a favourite side pairing. I loved these two, more than the mains in Golden Blood.

Favourite scene:

I mean, it has to be. It's impossible to express how much impact this scene had on me.

Favourite line:

I'm tired. Tired of pretending to hate you while your face has taken over my heart.

*chewing glass* There's something so unbelievably romantic about this line and how Pat is using it to confess that I can't articulate properly. It just hits me deep, deeeeeep in my feels. Watching it/listening to it the first time was an incredible moment. I don't think Pat could have said anything else here, nothing else could reach this level of perfection.

Most anticipated bl and why:

I was SO impressed by Jimmy in Vice Versa (compared to Bad Buddy), and I also really liked Sea in the series (my first time watching him in anything), so I'm excited to see how they've developed in Last Twilight. I'm also very excited to see what Aof brings next and especially because the show is dealing with a disability.

Healthiest relationship in a bl:

They love each other. They respect each other. They know each other so well. They communicate seriously when they need but also can tease and play with each other without damaging their relationship. They're there for each other when they need to be and will support each other above all else.

Most toxic relationship in a bl:

I don't even want to add a gif but, yeah, Tharntype probably. Or PrapaiSky (sorry LITA lovers).

Guilty pleasure series:

I'm not sure about the 'guilty' part (that implies I feel somewhat 'bad' liking it??) but maybe the guilt is loving the pain and angst that Vi and Mark go through.

Bonus! Most underrated series:

I'm finding it hard to think of one because most of the series I really like, a lot of other people also like... Oh, I know... What Zabb Man. It didn't seem like a lot of people watched it when it came out. It was a good little show, not outstanding like others, but decent anyway (I don't quite remember the end though...) and worth checking out.

Thanks for the tag Vi! This was fun to do (even if it took longer than I thought it would!). I think a lot of people have been tagged already so I'll choose a few who may not have from my recent notifications: @sparklyeyedhimbo @callipigio @incandescentflower @spicyvampire and @vegasandhishedgehog

[stormyoceans]

MONICA!!!!!! The concert was so good!!!! 😭😭😭 I’m assuming you’re ok with spoilers so here goes 😬

The first half of the show was them playing and recreating the key scenes and singing in them which I thought would trigger me tbh but instead I think it did me good to see the scenes I loved again 🥹 and Jimmy, Mark and Sea were so freaking good they cried in some scenes and I cried seeing them cry and it was so emotional again!!! I really wanna go back and rewatch all the good parts now, it’s still 80% a really good series!!

And they did Blame the Stars together!!! And you saw they did the “can I have my shirt back” scene!!! 😵🫠

(They played the breakup scene but not the reconciliation, it kinda just skipped to “happy ending” and I’m actually glad that we don’t have to rehash all of that)

They did full group songs and unit songs and what got to me was that MarkNamtan and OhmFilm did songs but so did NamtanFilm and MarkOhm!!! The NamtanFilm song was 😙👌

They did a whole Vice Versa medley!!! They did it for me!!! 😄 I was so happy and excited to see it!!! I hope that gets more of the newer fans to go watch it!!!

Jimmy, Mark and Sea had solo moments too, love that for them!!

They were surprised with a fan made video in support of them!! 🥰

Their speeches at the end were emotional and everyone cried, including me 🥹 Sea went second to last and Jimmy went last and he spoke the most 😁

It was just under 4 hours long, it started a little late (as all GMM concerts do tbh) but it was so good and worth only getting 4 hours of sleep 😅 I really hope you get to see it and enjoy it too!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR LIVE STREAMING EXPERIENCE OF THE LAST TWILIGHT CONCERT WITH ME KAREN!!!!!!!!

ngl reading this and seeing all the clips on twitter is making me want to buy the ticket for the rerun so badly like i always knew it was gonna be great and that everyone was gonna give their all but damn. the concert actually felt so well organized and thought out, i love that they basically turned the show into a musical and gave space for all kind of performances and pairings!!!!!! i've always wanted a duet version of blame the stars and im so happy they finally gave it to us!!!!!! and seeing namtanfilm and markohm slow dance alongside jimmysea was such a blessing THEY TRULY SAID THERE AIN'T NO STRAIGHT PEOPLE LEFT IN THIS SHOW

i really wasn't expecting it, but tbh i feel the same way as you. i think this did me good. maybe im just saying this because i haven't seen any videos of the break up scene so i can just keep pretending it never happened, but the parts i did see are kind of healing the hurt i've been feeling over the last three episodes of the show and bringing back all the love and excitement i used to have for morkday

ALSO NOT TO BE DRAMATIC BUT JIMMYSEA SINGING THE ENTIRETY OF THE VICE VERSA OST WITH A BRIGHT PINK STAGE SURROUNDING THEM MADE ME CRY LIKE A BABY like i truly did not expect them to bring vice versa up because last twilight is what brought them the popularity they always deserved so i was afraid they would kinda forget about vice versa, but im honestly just so ridiculously happy and emotional to know that it's still in their heart. or at least that they know it's still in ours, even if we may be a minority in the fandom now

i already had a meltdown over jimmysea this morning and i really can't afford another one and i don't think i would even have the words to express everything i feel but. im just so proud of them. it's honestly insane to me that they were able to pull off a performance like this in such a short period of time and with such a busy schedule. their dedication, their hard work, their kindness..... I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS THESE TWO BOYS DESERVES ALL THE LOVE AND RECOGNITION IN THE WORLD

[lurkingteapot]

Last Twilight ภาพนายไม่เคยลืม Ep 1

I watched this last night and was pleasantly surprised! I trust P'Aof with narratives of queerness and with social critique, but disability to this extent is a new topic for him and his team to tackle as far as I can tell, and it's very very easy to catch me on the wrong foot with that even without going to the extent of, say, Fighting Mr Second. Yes, I know Moonlight Chicken treated Heart really well. still. WORRIED.

I mentioned that the final trailer reminded me a little of French comedy-drama Intouchables (2011), especially the interview scenes. I got those same vibes while watching the actual scenes from the show, rather than the trailer, but in a good way -- and already, this is clearly its own thing.

oh I like the blur on the advisory message

urgh what's with this flashiness, that's not great, this ep needs a seizure risk warning (flashing black/white lights right after the adivsory message ends until about 00:00:33)

this seems like a horror film

Film!!

I bet P'Aof quizzed Mark extensively for this

ffs Day, call a break

the tone of this is so different from what I expected and I think I like it

oh wait I know her face

Phawjai, huh?

sisters named Rung just do not have a good track record in these shows

he's "ba~"-ing that dude, WHAT. that does not sound like a strategy that's likely to lead to success with your probation officer, just saying

he's literally out on probation, huh, they REALLY leaned into that with the ankle bracelet and everything.

timeskip?

oh c'mon clearly-not-professor-Pichai

he's going to just fix the chair, isn't he

CALLED IT

man this show does already not pull its punches

I like that they at least tried with the five o clock shadow on Jimmy. He still looks like a model, but they clearly TRIED.

love to see Mawk among all the social worker types

wait wait wait I know glasses, why do I know glasses

they're ALL TALKING LIKE HE'S NOT HERE what the FUCK

adsfasdfasdfasdfasdfadsfasdfasdfasdfsd wow the SHADE I love it

asdfsaf RIGHT BACK AT HIM I love this

Oh god Day is an ASSHOLE and I love it

Night hates himmm and I get it

does Day not even realise he's there on that lift?!

wow lady that's unprofessional

holy shit I get that, on a meta level, this is for the exposition, but exposing someone's medical history like that?! YIKES.

oof

loaded sibling relationship there

wow he's an ASSHOLE

Annnd Night's an ass right back but uh. I kinda get it.

oooh he's in visible distance

I guess Mawk is just used to dealng with assholes, huh

oh my GOD I love this le petit prince quoting bit??? did not expect that!

Mark looks his actual age as night, love that for him

for a second there I forgot that not all doors lock automatically like the hotel doors of all those "apartments" or "dorms" we see and was like, wait, he can just walk back in? just like that?

OH

and that's the foundation: Mawk trusts Day to do things for himself

this mum does NOT look old enough to have kids Sea and Mark's age, what's her secret

I really enjoyed that! strong first episode, already not pulling any punches on the social commentary. I really enjoyed everyone's acting here-- Jimmy especially seems to have improved a lot, I look forward to seeing where this goes.

Now! to unblock the tag and see what everyone else is saying :D

[dramalets]

So many fun GMMTV 2024 guesses around. (Some I feel more realistic than others 😂) I’ll stick my hopes and dreams under the cut, continue the fun. (I’ve only included the boys. I’ll take anything you want to give me with the girlies. Like pls. All the ladies in 2024.)

Feels Likely/Almost Certain

GeminiFourth - Duh. Young blood and very popular. I’m guessing MSP2, Mark hinted at it and it makes sense. I doubt these two will be progressing to anything past like freshman in college roles for awhile.

FirstKhaotung - They’ve had an amazing year and are really popular with I fans. So I can’t see how they won’t be getting new stuff. I 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 they get the RomCom they’ve been hinting at wanting.

ForceBook - I’m not a ForceBook girly but I know plenty are so it makes sense they’d bank on that.

Earth/Mix - I’m guessing maybe not more than one project but probably something. They’re popular and their dramas do well.

Perth/Chimon - Dangerous Romance is working well for them and they’re widely liked. They’re also just that smidge older than Gem & Fourth so could convincingly play slightly older college age.

Not Sure

Pond/Phuwin - Pond’s been talking about going back to school and Never Let Me Go got weirdly mixed feedback. They are popular though and that might be enough.

Jimmy/Sea - Listen, I love them. Vice Versa had the absolute worst ppl and I still ate up every second of their cosiness. But, also, Jimmy’s a damn doctor and they’re both pretty introverted so I’d struggle to see them in another pairing.

JoongDunk - Hidden Agenda wasn’t that well received and nor have their previous dramas been. Joong would work well in a het drama tbh but I’m just not sure what they’d do with Dunk.

Aou/Boom - I want this so badly and I know lots of others do too. Aou has said he’s got stuff coming up with Boom I’m just hopeful it’s a main role.

Others

Nanon - idc what I just need him in things. I doubt they won’t use him. Just not 100% on if we’ll have him in a BL again.

MarkNeo - No doubt we’ll have them as the best friends in things as always but I’d also love a main role for them. They’ve proved with Only Friends that they can carry themselves.

OffGun - They’re getting older and they’ve truly done their time. Gun’s had some great non BL roles and I’d be excited to see him in more of those.

TayNew - Honestly not a clue with these two. I think they’re both great so won’t really mind if they’re split and stuck in het dramas. I just ask that they’re good.

Krist/Gawin - idk if it’ll happen but I’m in the camp that would love to see him with Gawin again. But I also just think they’re great actors so I’d like to see more in general. Everyone I’ve seen paired with Gawin he’s been good with.

[karebear923]

GMMTV 2024 Part 2 was a lot!!!

Look, call me an ignorant basic bxtch but I’m a simple girl, it doesn’t take much to impress me 🤷🏽‍♀️ I didn’t have a bingo card cause I wasn’t expecting anything, I was just excited to see what they had this time around. So here’s my thoughts!

- Omg was the original Ossan’s Love this ridiculous?? 🤣 no but I’m glad to see EarthMix in something comedic, even though they do drama really well!

- THE HEART KILLERS!?!?!? FIRSTKHAO IS BACK!!! JOONGDUNK IS BACK!!! FINALLY A GOOD PLOT FOR JOONGDUNK TO REALLY ACT!!! AND FIRST SAID IT HIMSELF, THIS TIME HE’S THE ONE CHASING KHAO AND DUNK’S THE ONE CHASING JOONG!!! THIS SHOW’S GONNA BE 🔥🔥🔥

- Friendshit Forever is a hilarious title but my man New Thitipoom is hawttt!!! Him in those spicy scenes is gonna be 🥵🥵🥵 I WILL be watching, primarily for him!!!

- Well we had to have at least one formulaic show right? Perfect10 Liners seems good though! Idk, I’m still kinda new to BLs and I’m not tired of the engineering student stories (maybe just a tiny bit) I like the pairings but Junior does not pass for a college student lmao I’m sorry my dude.

Also there’s SO MANY people in this ensemble!! How much screen time is everyone gonna get??

- Us looks really good too!! I’m showing up for all the GLs until we get as many as we get BLs so then I can pick and choose what I like, but this is one I’m actually looking forward to!

- Y’ALL PUT LYKN IN A BL???? Ok but it looks good! With Est too! And William, the one LYKN member I know 😅 I’ll give it a try!

- We are getting the BounPrem vampire BL!! But without Boss Chaikamon 😭 I hope they change nothing else but the cast and by that I mean keep the level of heat they originally had!! 🌶️🔥🥵

- MARK PAKIN LEAD ROLE!!! IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES!!! AND WHAT WE ALL WANTED!!! And it’s a BL with Ohm!!! The plot’s nothing crazy but just having them is enough lol. And Jimmy’s in it too!! I screamed when I saw him!! Flirting with Ohm though?? How the tables have turned!!

- I’m glad my boys Gemini and Fourth are getting more serious roles!! Gemini looks good in that tough guy role and Fourth is in a show full of powerhouse performers!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I gotta look up Scarlet Heart now, I’m so intrigued!!

- I’m not a Peraya, I’ve never seen a KristSingto show. But I know they’re the fathers of GMMTV BLs so I pay my respects to them! 🙏🏽 and I know they’re happy to be back together! And I love that there’s a show about older adults and exes and just more mature themes! I’m looking forward to it!

Everything else looked okay, not really for me 🤷🏽‍♀️

Overall I’m really happy with what we saw today!! Like I said, I’m just happy to be here 😅 I don’t know about which directors are the best or which writers are the worst or anything like that. Of course I’m sad that my main man Sea wasn’t part of any of these announced shows but I know he’s gonna be in The Trainee which has yet to air this year! So there’s a lot to look forward to!

[boys-love-tension]

GMMTV 2023

Sorry BL fam, it’s been a while. I was involved in creating content for TIKTOK, so I couldn’t make time for Tumblr. However, as you know, GMMTV announced its 2023 lineup last month. I wanted to write a post talking about my thoughts about each series.

1. Cooking Crush

OffGun is one pairing where I trust the actors 100%. I trust their choice in the series they choose to act in. Cooking Crush wouldn’t be a series I usually watch, mainly because I am not that into cooking or culinary stories. However, Gun, Off, Neo and Mark will be in this series, along with Victor, who will play a side character. I am honestly looking forward to this. After Not Me, which was a series very serious, demanding a lot from the actors that were on it, this will be more lighthearted. Honestly, sometimes, all we need is a good rom-com. I hope they don’t make the humorous moments whacky since I don’t laugh at slapstick comedy. I prefer subtle humour or innuendos. Lastly, its great that Off and Gun want to work together even after years of being a pairing. I really admire their bond and the energy they bring to the table. Nothing can replace that for me, no new ship.

2. A Boss and a Babe

A boss and a what? The title honestly made me laugh when I was watching the live. I couldn’t believe it. I really hope they change the title to something less “babe” LMAO.

Let me be honest; I don’t like the Boss and Employee dynamic. Mainly because I have a full-time job in a company where they really follow these structures, and often you hear about harassment from directors and partners to senior associates or associates. When I heard the storyline, I wasn’t happy. This is the same reason I don’t watch any secretary Korean dramas because I can’t romanticise them.

However, Force and Book as actors are amazing. I wish GMMTV would give them a good storyline (cough Only Friends). Book and Force, if you are reading this, please know that I love you both as actors, but this storyline isn’t something I am looking forward to. We also get to see Drake, Mike, Fluke and Ohm as side characters in this series. Really looking forward to seeing them shine as well. Also, GMMTV, when are you going to give Drake a main role? I’m waiting.

3. 23.5

THE FIRST GIRL LOVE FROM GMMTV. Honestly, I have been waiting for this. Ever since Bad Buddy ended, I have had this emptiness in me. LOL seriously. I have been thinking, what kind of storyline would they give MilkLove?! Ongsa (played by Milk) is a loner who falls in love at first sight with Sun (played by Love). Thinking she would get rejected, she creates another identity - Earth and approaches Sun. As things develop between Sun and Earth, will Ongsa get the courage to be honest?

While I would’ve preferred only MilkLove in the series but they also decided to introduce a side couple in the series. I love GeminiFourth but I hope they let MilkLove shine over here.

I also love the trope for this series, its simple and to the point. I hope the director is able to convey the emotions properly as GLs are different from BLs. Lastly, I’m excited to see the industry take an interest in GLs. Excited to see this come through 🙈

4. Last Twilight

Directed by the greatest - P'Aof is coming back with an ORIGINAL series. Last Twilight talks about how Mork (played by Jimmy), a mechanic by tradition, is forced to take a job as a caretaker of Day (played by Sea), who has partial blindness. Not only is the premise of the story beautiful, but even from the mock trailer, we can see spectacular cinematography, which only makes me curious about the end result. I enjoyed Jimmy and Sea's acting in Vice Versa (which is underrated). I am excited to see them come back together with another show. P'Aof is known to make some of the best series in GMMTV, so my expectations for this are genuinely HIGH. Also, I hope I don't come across as creepy, but I want to know what P'Aof is thinking when he is directing a series or planning a new one. He truly comes up with the best pairings and the best shows. I hope Last Twilight gets to be a success and JimmySea gets the recognition they deserve.

5. Dangerous Romance

Perth and Chimon are playing leading roles in this series, so you can be assured that I am EXCITED. Firstly, I have been watching Never Let Me Go, and both of them are a side couple/roles, but they play their parts well. Specially seeing Perth on the screen after so many years has been refreshing. Dangerous romance is a story about Sailom (played by Chimon) who is a poor but studious student who starts tutoring Kanghan (Perth) who is a school bully. The series also has Pawin and Marc playing side characters.

6. Only Friends

Three friends Mew (played by Book), Ray (played by Khaotung) and Boston (played by Neo), run a hostel together. Does that sound good to you so far? Remember this info because it gets messy. Mew has no interest in sex or relationship because he has been focusing on his studies. However, Boston introduces Mew to Top (played by Force) so that Mew can experience a one-night stand. However, Mew and Top get more serious, leaving Boston unhappy. Ray is a rich lad who is also a fuckboi. He meets Saen (played by First), and they probably hook up/see each other a few times. Eventually, Saen wants to start an exclusive relationship with Ray. However, Ray has feelings for Mew and isn't keen on getting exclusive. Nick (played by Mark) finds a sex tape in Boston's phone, and they start a friend-with-benefits relationship things take a terrible turn when he starts falling for Boston, but Boston won't return his feelings. Firstly, one of my favourite directors - P'Jojo Tichakorn Phukhatong, is directing this masterpiece with P'Ninew Pinua Chookamsri (he has been an acting coach for many GMMTV projects). I trust P'Jojo would be an understatement. I worship him. I genuinely believe both directors can make this series into something we will absolutely enjoy. Honestly, this is the series I am looking forward to the most. Most of my queer friends, including me, have experienced similar relationship dynamics. Seeing these actors play a more serious and realistic role will be fantastic. Lastly, I look forward to seeing First and Khaotung again in a leading role. Also curious to see bad boi Neo and Force! :D

7. Cherry Magic (Thai Version)

Tay and New are back. Honestly, I never thought I'd be repeating this sentence ever again. If anyone has been following BL for a long time, they know what went down and how bad things had become at a point, but I had faith that one day...one day, we would get to see TayNew again, and now we get to see them in leading roles. Tay will play Karan (yes, they've changed the Japanese names to be close to Thai ideals), and New will play Achi. We also have Sing and Jan as a side couple, Mark (a different one than the one in only friends), and Junior. We don't know much about the storyline yet (not sure if they are changing it much or keeping it original) since this trailer wasn't released due to some licensing issue. However, I will update my thoughts on this once the trailer is released. Welcome back, TAYNEW! Sending you lots of love, Tay. He is an excellent actor and will ace this role. Tay is a ball of sunshine, and I fully believe in him. I know people have been sceptical because it is a remake but hear me out - remakes do take place, and we can't expect both series to be the same. An office setting in Thailand would be different from one in Japan. Let's just have some faith that we see ACE representation in this series. As someone asexual, I hope the side couple has an ace rep, just like in the Japanese version (although the Japanese version didn't have a side couple).

8. Hidden Agenda

Zo (played by Dunk), a university student, wants to date someone (for the first time in his life), and he settles for Nita (a trendy girl - played by Jamie). He asks Nita's ex, Joke (Joong), for advice. We have seen this or a similar trope many times, and it has always been successful. Look at BrightWin's 2gether. I am sure this series will be a hit. Honestly, it doesn't excite me as much as other series because it doesn't feel original. However, I trust the actors (JoongDunk), and the director, P'Tee, has directed TharnType and LovelyWriter, so I am hoping this one will turn out to be insanely good and convince me to watch it.

9. Our Skyy 2

We will get to see after stories of the following:

A Tale of Thousand Stars (EarthMix) Bad Buddy (OhmNanon) Vice Versa (JimmySea) The Eclipse (FirstKhaotung) My School President (GeminiFourth) Star and Sky: Star in My Mind (JoongDunk) Never Let Me Go (PondPhuwin) A Boss and A Babe (ForceBook)

I am excited to see them all, especially EarthMix and OhmNanon since they don't get a complete BL series this year. I am curious to see how they play out the story of The Eclipse and Bad Buddy because they felt like a complete ending to me.

Lastly, I hope there is no cheating, breakup and such sadness involved because I am not sure if I will be able to handle it. I just want full sugary content - give me diabetes.

Lastly, some of the series are yet to air (as of 4th Jan 2023), so I assume this will air in the latter half of the year. Many directors are coming together to work on this, so I am excited to see what happens :)

Which BLs are you looking forward to?

[miss0atae]

Today is the first episode of Last Twilight !

I have to admit I wasn't really interested in the series at first. I have nothing against Jimmy Sea as a pairing but I wasn't really into Vice Versa. I watched it and thought it was okay. They are indeed charming but I don't know... I was expecting nothing. I just decided to give the series a chance after I watched the trailer which dropped recently. It made me curious to see what would happen. So here I am.

This first episode introduces us to the main characters. We start with Mhok (I found so many ways of writing his name so I chose the YouTube version as the right one) , a mechanic who lost his big sister in an accident, used to keep bad company, is poor and in need of a job. He also went to prison for six months so we could say he got a criminal record. He is brash but quick wits too. He made me think of Will Hunting.

The other main character, Day played by Sea is a former national athlete in badminton with partial blindness. He is sassy and life has gotten a bit more complicated for him since his "accident". He needs to have a caregiver and obviously this is the reason which leads to the meeting of both the main characters.

Of course, we also meet with Day and Night's Mom, but also Mhok's ex-girlfriend. In flashbacks we also see Mhok's sister, Rung.

There are two things I really liked in this episode. Firstly, the scene when Mhok chose one book to read and of course it was The Little Prince (Le petit prince). It is such an iconic book and he read the part when The Little Prince met for the Fox for the first time. It fits well because of the meaning behind it. It's about building relationships and love. A metaphor for what is going to happen between Day and Mhok

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

Secondly, I really like the siblings' dynamic between Day and Night played by Mark. I'm sure it's not a coincidence if they have these names. Apparently their relationship is not that great. Day was the famous brother and Night was outshined by him (I felt like it even if it wasn't really said out loud). Now that Day is with partial blindness Night has to take care of his brother. There is a bitterness between these two and I can't wait to see the impact it could have on the story. I really like it. Despite their fight in the car, I believe that Night likes his brother. I hope we'll see more about them.

It was a very interesting first episode and I really want to see what is going to happen in the next episode. Last Twilight first episode kicked off well. We'll see how they will navigate the visual disability and the love story between Mhok and Day.

[casualoddities]

Jane of Lantern Hill Ch 13 to Ch 20

Did Aunt Irene check a thesaurus for all of the synonyms of child. "Dear", "Lovey, "Childy", "Darling." It's condescending and infantilizing and very different from Andrew's use of "Janekin"

Jane resembles Andrew a lot; same colored hair, same chin, and a lot of character in an expression. I really do like how LM emphasizes their bond outside of flesh and blood; they have similar personalities and spirits and that's what helps cement the trust.

The phrase shadowy little ghost is really a twist of the heart here. It does bug me that Andrew waited this long but I guess that he wrestled with sending that letter for a long time. How relieved Andrew must have been for their first meeting to have gone well and I think he puts a light sheen of humour over some very real worry.

Aunt Irene shows her colours fast here and Jane due to her upbringing and personality has a very strong intuition when it comes to people. I would have been second guessing all of this as an adult.

Another jibe against being deep, just like with Aunt Ruth and Emily.

For all Andrew's lightheartedness he was making a effort to find a place for him and Jane. He asks her from the start what she wants, and her opinions. He's already racheted up to Best Adult which so far, is a fairly low bar.

I love the moment where Jane sees the ocean again. Andrew lets her take it all in and his line about a 'sweet, haunted April night' is bittersweetly beautiful. The connection to nature by baptising Jane in the sea is also lovely, a way to connect Andrew and Jane and the spirituality of nature another LM mark.

..............Did Grandmother kill Andrew and Robin's dog!? 'Pocket-Edition of Jimmy John" always delights me.

Jane rapidly finds her footing and confidence. It's lovely to find a place to plant your feet and feel like your best self. Also her retor to Penny is hilarious.

U.E (United Empire) Loyalists supported the British in the American Revolution. We have confirmation there that Andrew served in WWI and was in Passchendale with is horrifying in the background.

[k-white]

Ok considering quite a few people are doing it I wanna do a "currently watching", "rewatching", "anticipating the most" too so here it

Currently Watching (order is based on the number of episode i have watched) its gonna be mostly generic opinion not too spoilery cuz if I went in the specific of the show this post would be as long as a freaking book cuz I have the ability to write too much:

1. Vice Versa ep.1: this just started 2 days ago, I really liked the first episode the pacing was good, the acting was good, the cinematography and the colors were stunning and the story really intrigues me cuz I am a suker for supernatural teamed BL's, also I am really happy that Sea has a main role, I really like him since 55:15(watch it it's such a good series not BL but it has amazing plot acting and characters) wich marked the start of my love for him (and Pawin but he is not in this show so lets move on) so I'm exited to see how it develops, also OhmNanon always stunning, Jimmy is a snack, I cant wait to see Neo and Victor was a beautiful surprise not gonna lie

2. Oh! My Sunshine Night ep.2: I like this, its a bit slow paced but still enjoiable, I really like Rain he is probably my fav out of the bunch at the 2 episode we shall see later on, I really enjoyed his interaction with Payou, Fluke still amazing like always and I am really liking Kim with his antisocial cold akward interactions he's cute, I feel tho that there are too many caracters and at the moment the screentime is a bit unbalanced.

3. Even Sun ep3. Well... its bad I am not gonna lie, it feels like a huge commercial for beaches in Thailand with BounPrem as MC and it did make me wanna travel to thai islands, back to the story tho its very confusing and this is due to the script wich is scattered and unfocused at best, and the translation errors that are a huge amount so much that sometimes you canto even understend what a character means, the acting is fine our boys are doing the most in my opinion but I also like Mek's actor, overal i am sitting trough this cuz I really missed BounPrem in a main role and am anticipating Between Us so much

4. Sky In Your Heart ep5. ok I still have to watch the latest episodes and its tied to my opinikn on the show, and it's such a booooring show its not interesting I don't like how the characters act, especially Fah, the acting is nice and the visuals are pretty(scenary a la ATOTS wich was the reason I was exited for this show) To be fair I was already pissed with Star In My Mind and i didn't really like the last 6 episodes of that show but I was expecting more from this since the trailer, sky between the 2 was the one I had some expectation for but was disappointed the most by. I'll finish it just cuz its very short and the episodes are not that long but I probably wont enjoy the ride.

5 Mama Gogo ep.6: I FREAKING LOVE THIS SHOW(not BL eaven tho the cast is mostly composed by man) its so funny, light and holesome and over the top with the characters and the interactions and its so amazing it brightens my day, but I already knew from the trailer that Id love it, all the characters are amazing and unique and each one is having their spotlight and they are so funny especially Drake's charcter, Earth's character and Lee's character also I really like Annie she is a bad Bitch and she knows it

6. My Seacret Love ep7. I really like this show at the moment is my comfort show easy simple not too dramatic with lovely characters and relationship the problem au to this point got resolved preatty quikly with good comunication wich I really appreciate and I like the development the characters had since episode 1... exept for Tim I don't like him his so wishiwashi with how he acts you dob't understand his motivs cuz not even him understand himself and he takes his best friend and his feelings for granted never reflecting on his own making it unberable for him.

7. Astrophile ep13. (again not BL) last show and the one I am almost done with cuz its relising bi weakly. I like it its more on the dramatic side compared to other shows on this list(tho the most dramatic one I watched latly is Triage and that is on a compleatly different level cuz its so good) back to the series, I like how they show how women get treated by the work industry and how the pressure from family can break a person life making them the sole sorce of income amd how it takes a tol on them, there is also kind of a love triangle wich I dont like personally but its very mellow and it only makes you simpatize more with the second leed(our beloved Off), Kim the protagonist is a very lovely lead both i character and in visuals(mister Bright hellow) also First is in this and I am a huge suker for him since Not Me(I practically binged the series his in)

This are all the series I am watching at the moment, for the ones acrually reading this you can see that there is no Unforgotten Nights and Love mechanics or Check Out wich are the most poluar ones at the moment but I am not one bit interested in eather of those for different reasons for UN its the same reaso as KinnPorche(wich I have not watched maybe one day ill sit trough it and start it but not at tis moment) and that is the mafia plot line wich I am not a fan of at all and you can say I am too sensitive and that its only a show but its my life i decide what i watch must be something I am sure I am gonna enjoy and mafia stories are not it, you can pin it on me being Italian and being tought to stand against it but still I am entitled to my opinions.

Rant aside, maybe I will update this in the future but I am not sure, I also have no idea enyone is eaven interested in this

Series I am rewatching.... none I have bearly the time to watch the ones airing at the moment with my work skejule imagine rewatching a hole show, none the less the one I am planning on rewatching is: The Umbrella Accademy wich is neather thai nor BL but its one of my favourites show of all time and I wanna rewatch all 3 seasons together, other than that I wanna make myself suffer cuz I wanna rewatch Together with me(only that no bad romance nor next chapter I refuse to go trough both of those messess I dont hate myself thanks) cuz I kinda miss thos 2 idiots Korn and Knock

Ok series I am exited to watch. Lets start with the ones that have a release date wich are just a couple

1. War of Y: so exited for this one the story seems very interesting, with them bringing the dark side of BL to light with 4 different stories and 4 different couples, tho I am scared they will all have a sud ending lets cross fingers to me beig paranoid

2. Love in the air: I'll be compleatly upfront for this I have not watched anything from Mame, no TharnType, no Dont Say No, no Love By Chance(tho I dont know if LBC is in fact written by Mame i havent check I am lazy) so take that I will be going in to this story completly blind, I havent watched the other shows cuz the I didnt loke the plot the interaction and the characters it was too problematic for me but this one sems to have potential even tho the plot written on Mydramalist was kinda cringy but the trailer sparked my interest so we shall see

Now for the ones that still have no date od release(this ones in no particular order)

1. The Eclipse: just the cast would be enough to make me watch this show( HELLOOO First, Khaotung, Neo, Pawin, Louis and AJ like yess take my time and my soul) if you put in also a cool and dark story with a élite school that seems to be killing its students and maybe a time loops I am sold

2.The hole Midnight series by GMMTV so Midnight Motel, Moonlight Chicken and Dirty Laundry all 3 trailers sold it to me with story and cast

3.basically half of the shows in the 2022 borderless from GMMTV I will not write them all down its too much take those four aspecially the eclipse cuz off all its the one I am most intrigued by

4.Wish Me Luck. Na and Fiat in a main role??? YESS PLEASE its about time(que in falsettos song) they gave this boys a main role and not just a support one they deserve it

5.Transplant. just literally discovered this first of all existed, cuz I dont keep up with Thai novels cuz I have 0 access to them, and its the sequel of Manner Of Death and its connected with Triage! ( I love Sammon she is my new Godeess with her connected universe with cool couples and bad guys) and its just been unnounced as MaxTull new project!! exited

6.Make a Wish anothe Summon story with doctora and angels with our boy Fluke Natouch

I am done!!! this was a lot of work to write and nobody is gonna read it LOL, still it was fun to do it and put on "paper" what I was thinking of this shows i am watching an shows i wanna watch hope someone find this eather usefull, interesting or funny

I hope you all have a nice day and until the next post stay healty amd hydrated kisses

[debbierhea]

and the world around us shatters / better call saul / wc: 2392  / kimmy jimmy omaha cinnabon reunion / special thanks to @kimberly-wexler for the beta <3

Summary: 

She’d been searching. For years.

She’d been searching. For years. Hired a PI and then another. Scoured every database she had credentialed access to and then a few she didn’t. Even adopted a cat to soothe the loneliness, lull the throbbing emptiness she felt in her chest. She’d had one as a girl once, a stray really, whom she loved. But this cat was as sulky and capricious as she had become and no matter how committed she was to ignoring it, the ulterior motive of pet adoption was glaring, if not to anyone else, to her.

After three months of No. Not like this. You can’t. Leave it alone. Don’t get involved, the ill-tempered tabby was Kim’s foot in the door. It was a Thursday when she sat across from his veterinarian, cat on the exam table, and said, “I need your help.”

“What kind of help are we talking?” He eyed her, stroked the tabby between her ears.

“I’m looking for someone.” Silence followed.

“You’re gonna have to give me a little more than that.”

“You know him. Jimmy McGill.”

His eyebrows rose. More silence.

“Well, can you help me or not?”

“You know it’s not always a matter of can I help.”

Kim tilted her chin, raised her eyes to meet his, unflinching. “Does that mean you won’t help me?”

“Hm?” The cat was purring into his hand, licking his thumb. “Oh, no. Just that my price may be something you’re unwilling to pay.”

She swallowed. “That’s not possible.”

“Okay then,” he nodded, stuck out his hand. She shook it.

Now, she was wandering through a sea of midwesterners in puffy coats and mittens, dusting snow off their shoulders, chattering about the weather. She hasn’t been back to this part of the country in years and it oddly feels like a homecoming, though she stopped considering Nebraska home the moment she left. It was simply a place she had lived, never one that offered family or comfort or love. There were sparse memories of joy with the odd classmate and a fond recollection of the first grade teacher who encouraged her to read, helped her get her very own library card. But now as then, there never existed a sense of ease or belonging for her. Even so, the familiarity of the Casey’s General Store on the corner, the Runzas on menus across state rest stops, the flurries of snow reddening her nose and chilling her bones, fostered a small flame of hope deep inside. She could still recognize, even find comfort in, a place she so detested. After the passage of so many years, this place was still the same and, underneath the new high rises and parking meters and sushi restaurants, she could see the bones of this city. Maybe the same could hold true for other things in her life.

Looking over the map in the lobby, she cupped her hands before her mouth and blew into them. The chill rested deep inside her, the hope she fostered in her heart doing little to warm her weary bones. All her work was to lead to this: trudging up the tiled stairs in damp snow boots surrounded by people who knew nothing about pain, not really. Not pain like hers.

She smelled it before she saw it, curving with the second floor walkway past storefront after storefront of clothes and books and knick knacks. She had just side-stepped the man trying to give free lotion samples when the warmth of cinnamon and sugar wafted over her. Her footsteps stuttered and her gait slowed. It was like watching a car whose engine was stalling out. She was light-headed, unable to string a thought together, parse out what she was feeling in her body besides a deep urge to run. Her therapist would tell her that she wanted to run because of her fear of being vulnerable and then being left behind. Again. Kim pushed hair that had fallen loose of her ponytail behind her ear, took three deep breaths, and followed her nose.

A small line stood in front of the cash register, three or four people, waiting for a treat to get them through their holiday shopping. She contemplated her next step from across the food court. Anticipation fluttered through her, givinggave rise to goosebumps beneath her layers of knit and down. Then further, deeper, beneath the adrenaline, lived something twisting and gnawing inside of her chest. She knew this thing like she knew the location of every security camera at the Hinky Dinky or the route she took home after school when her mom got too lost in the liquor aisle to remember to pick her up. This thing she knew was fear—fear of hope, of the inevitable ache of a further bruised heart. She crossed the food court despite it.

Trying to slip back into her midwestern skin, move through this world unassuming and deferential, she stood to the right of the registers, observing the ebb and flow of workers behind the glass. Dough was being kneaded by one, another opened an oven to check the progress of the bake. A third manned the register. A second till was sat unused, cash drawer open and empty. She stood there, just outside the current of customers, twitching her chapped fingers, tapping them against the inside of her own palm. He used to tease her for it. Five minutes passed, then ten. The line grew longer. Her flame of hope was waning.

Then, a voice—a bellow, more like—broke through the low hum of conversation in the food court.

“Coming! I’m coming, Miranda!” Kim froze.

A man in an apron and mustache came through the door marked “Employees Only” and made his way to the front of the store, a full cash drawer in his hands.

“Sorry! For some reason the safe just wouldn’t open.”

Kim was drifting through the crowd, pulled toward his voice. Her eyes began to burn.

“Here are some quarters for you. I figured you might be running low.” His eyes flicked up, scanning the crowd, estimating how many rolls they should throw into the oven. “I’ll open this one up and—,” his roaming gaze stopped. “And I, uh....”

She swallowed, her throat tight, eyes glassy. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. He stood, slack jawed, staring.

“Um, Miranda I—Just, uh, just take this,” he handed the cash drawer to the teenager standing next to him, eyes never leaving Kim’s. “I’ll be right back.”

His shoes squeaked as he made his way around the counter and out into the seating area of the restaurant. Kim hadn’t moved, stunned like a deer in headlights on a Nebraska back road. He seemed as though he was moving in slow motion, each step towards her an eternity, and yet it was still not long enough to prepare herself for him to be standing directly in front of her. She felt like she’d just fallen through the ice into a glacial lake. No, she hadn’t fallen. She’d jumped. On purpose. And broke through.

He stood there, inches from her; she could see the gray in his mustache. He paused, just for a moment, then said, “Follow me.”

And she did.

They weaved in and out of tables and shoppers and janitors picking up fast food wrappers off the floor. He glanced back at her once, as if he was scared she wouldn’t be there behind him, as if she hadn’t been following him, chasing him, for what felt like her whole life. He led them down a hallway, empty save for a woman waiting on a bench between two bathroom doors, one labeled with a dress, the other a tie. Kim gave her a close-mouthed smile.

Jimmy stopped abruptly, reaching for the door to the family restroom. He held it open, looked into her eyes. Kim gave the woman another glance, cheeks reddening, and walked through the door before she could think or feel or do anything that would make her stop herself. She moved towards the far, tiled wall and as she turned, heard the clicking of the door’s latch, then the lock.

He paused then, there, gripping the door handle, his head resting against its grain. His body was tense, coiled and bound and, she realized, foreign to her. Stooped shoulders, billowing polo, slight waist cinched by an apron. Even from behind, he looked bleary, posture like a drooping flower on the sill. What happened to him?

Kim was grateful for this pause he was granting her. Everything seemed to be moving at a pace she was incapable of matching, an emotional marathon she had not trained for; she never did have much emotional stamina outside of simply holding them all in, like a child holding their breath in the deep end of the pool.

Then, he turned.

He was just as unfamiliar from the front as he was from behind, cheeks a bit sallow and stippled with five o’clock shadow, wiry glasses. His nametag read “Gene.” But Jimmy McGill was still the same in his bones and in the time it takes to exhale that breath you’ve been holding under the gentle waves of your childhood pool, the split second it takes for that breath to form a spray of bubbles racing you to the surface, they were in each other’s arms.

Centered on the yellowing, speckled tile, they grasped at shoulders and elbows, knees knocked, tears fell. Finally, Kim slipped her arms around his ribs and clutched him to her chest, nails digging into cotton and, beneath, soft skin. His face caught between shoulder and neck, he inhaled the scent of her, goosebumps rising as her puffy, down sleeves brushed against his bare arms. His hands roamed her back, skidding and sliding across slick fabric. It felt as if his hands had been frozen and he had finally found the fire he’s sought to warm them. Sneaking his right hand up and up and under the thick wool of her scarf, he hesitated just a moment before placing his fingertips to the soft skin of her neck. She gasped, a sob drawn out on a breath. His left hand pushed into the small of her back. She pulled him in tighter.

They held each other there, flushed and desperate and weepy, for a time—how long, neither could say. As the hand rubbing her back would slow, she would squeeze his middle gently as if to say Not yet and he would answer with gentle pressure between her shoulder blades. When her grip on him would loosen, his fingers would drift into the hairs at the base of her neck, pulling her impossibly closer, and she would let him. This is how they stayed, questioning and answering each other as only they could with little more than a sigh passing through their lips.

Then, Kim began to pull gently away. He stiffened the moment he sensed her movement from him, but she did not try to leave his embrace, this wasn’t her intention, not truly. She only wanted to see his dear face, maybe say hello. Placing one hand on his chest, she leaned ever so slightly back as his arms moved to circle her waist. Tears clung to his lashes and dripped from the tip of his nose. He swallowed hard as her eyes roamed his face, different but somehow entirely the same. She felt like she was back in the HHM parking garage bumming a smoke from the new guy in the mailroom. Hundreds of days and miles from then, he was still hers.

Bringing both hands up, cupping his jaw, brushing his cheekbones with the pads of her thumbs, she smiled. “Jimmy.”

At this, his eyes closed, Kim holding him tenderly in her palms. He hasn’t heard that name in years. When was the last time he thought of himself as anyone other than Saul Goodman? Saul the criminal defense attorney. Saul on the run. Saul posing as a Cinnabon manager. More tears fell free.

Removing his hands from her waist, he held her delicate wrists, one in each hand, his thumbs mimicking her caress across his skin. She gave the slightest tilt of her head and he answered with a reed-thin voice, a sad smile, “It’s you.”

She knitted her perfectly arched brows, that tell-tale wrinkle emerging between them, her eyes soft and wet, red-rimmed. She bit her lip and began to shake her head, never removing her gaze from his. After a moment, she smiled again, smaller this time, lips closed, and slipped one hand smoothly into his, the other onto his shoulder, not willing to break contact.

“Sorry it took me so long.”

More tears welled in Jimmy’s eyes as he rolled them to the ceiling, heart aching.

“Kim…I…”

“I know.” A pause. He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Baby, I know.”

From shoulder back to his neck, Kim guided Jimmy with her hand, resting his forehead against her own, meeting in the middle, holding him there.

“Oh god—” a sob broke from deep in his chest.

Kim stroked his neck, shoulder, face, back. Jimmy wept.

Tears darkened the collar of his polo shirt and the tremors running through his body prompted Kim to wrap herself around him once more, burying her nose in his neck, focusing on the sickly-sweet scent of yeasted dough rising, cinnamon, and icing sugar over the pain so fierce living in the main between her arms.

As all things do with time, his sobs became weaker and fewer, until his breathing returned to a shallow, exhausted inhale, sniffly exhale. Kim lifted him from her shoulder and he raised his eyes towards hers. Her lips twitched, and then she brought them to his cheek. One, then the other, over and over, like salve to a wound she covered his drying tear tracks with her lips. Gentle and soft, like the flap of a butterfly’s wings did she kiss him. And then, she centered herself, hand threading into his hair, she moved to his lips.

“Kim,” he whispered, a breath from her lips.

“Yes?”

“What if you’ve come all this way to find someone who…doesn’t exist. Not anymore.”

Again, Kim knit her brows and shook her head. She placed her right hand over his heart, lifted her shoulders gently in a shrug.

“It’s you.”

[childrenofthenightt]

That’s The Way (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Jimmy Page x Reader

Word count: 3.3k

Warning(s): mentions of cheating, cursing

Author’s notes: Hey y’all, welcome to Chapter 2! Thank you so much for all your positive feedback and responses. A little heads up: Jimmy is not in this chapter...since this is a slow burn, he’ll be introduced in Chapter 4, but it won’t be long, I promise. Just sit tight! As usual, please enjoy, happy reading, and send us messages if you have theories, comments, music recommendations for the playlist, or if you want to be added to the tag list :)

Chapter 1

---------

Evening of 4 May 1965

Walking into the kitchen, Y/N slid into a seat between her brothers, Tommy and Charlie, just as her mum was placing platters of that night’s dinner on the table. A sinking feeling in her stomach plagued her all day, as she knew that she would be interrogated  intensely by her family about the previous night. More importantly, she knew that if they felt that any of the musicians had viewed her as a possible love interest, she’d be in big, big trouble.

“Dad, can you pass me the vegetables, please?” Y/N asked her father, sitting a few seats down from her. If the girl hadn’t been glancing down at her plate to avoid eye contact, fighting the gut feeling that the inevitable would soon occur, she would have seen him glance at her from over the frames of his glasses.

“Sure, dear,” he replied, briefly looking up from the newspaper he was reading as he gave Y/N the dish. The clanking of utensils on plates was all that could be heard until Charlie broke the seal by asking the dreaded question.

“So Y/N, how was the concert last night?” he asked, raising the glass of water in his hand to his lips.  Y/N couldn’t blame Charlie for asking, because he had no idea what had happened, but she knew that this conversation could go south fast. Tommy’s hums of laughter quietly escaped his lips, and Y/N nudged his arm from under the table, giving him a glaring look that sent daggers from her eyes. It screamed, “Shut up!”, and another bout of giggles was the only response.

Tommy knew the outcome of last night because of what Carolyn had babbled to him on the car ride home, and was doing everything in his power to tease his sister.

“Why are you laughing, Tommy?” Y/N’s mum asked, finally taking a seat between Charlie and Lillian.  Silence settled over the table as all eyes locked on to the oldest daughter, and Tommy evilly smiled at Y/N, who only glared at him again. “No reason. Actually, I think Y/N should tell you instead.”

Y/N huffed as she put the dish of roasted chicken, generously seasoned and herbed, back in the middle of the table. She painted on a smile before answering, “It went pretty well. Brilliant show.”

“That’s it?” her dad asked, folding up the newspaper, knowing his daughter was downplaying it.

“Yeah, Y/N, that’s it?” Tommy added. Y/N knew he was taunting her, but the rest of the table did not pick up on it. From under the table, Y/N’s leg begins to bob up and down, and she bites her lip, debating whether or not to tell the whole story. It’s obvious they’re not going to be happy…

“My God, Tommy,” With an exasperated sigh, Y/N, very annoyed at her brother’s pushing, throws her hands up in unwilling acceptance. “Fine, Carolyn and I were invited backstage, and we met the band.”

The table audibly gasped, the loudest of course being Lillian, who looked disappointed, almost devastated at the revelation. Her lips turn down in a sulk, and she rests her cheek, almost permanently flushed with youth, on a fist. “You promised me you wouldn’t let any boys mess with you, Y/N!”

Y/N reached her hand across the table to hold her sister’s in an attempt to coax her. “They didn’t, Lil. We just talked for a while. I just made some new friends last night, that’s all.”

Lillian’s frown turned upside down, content that her sister was safe, a naïve smile that Y/N felt a little guilty about. She, along with Charlie and their parents, didn’t know that most members of the band had shamelessly flirted with her and invited her back to see them again. Tommy was the only one aware, and Y/N made him promise to keep the whole rendezvous a secret. Carolyn had brought the flirting to Y/N’s attention on the car ride home, because in the moment, she didn’t think much of it.

“If they’re mean to you, I’ll be mean to them, just for you!” Lillian exclaims through a mouthful of mush, and the table burst into laughter, shaking their heads in amusement.

“How did it go?” Y/N’s mum asked, cutting into her chicken with a knife and fork. For the first time over the course of the whole dinner, Y/N broke into an unadulterated smile at the memory. “It was really nice, genuinely. They  were all so sweet to us, and we just bonded over music and stuff.”

Y/N’s mother quirked her brow. “No ‘you know what’?”

“No Mum, nothing explicit. It was good, clean fun. Seriously.”

“Alright, I hope you’re telling the truth… I’m happy you had a great time.”

“She is telling the truth, Mum,” Tommy quipped through bites of roasted potatoes, “I can attest to that.”

Y/N’s mum smiled, but her dad piped up with some two-cents of his own. “Musicians are a tough crowd, Y/N. Very fickle blokes, their attractions change all the time. You can’t get too attached to them, dear,  you’re just a small fish in a very big sea.”

“I know, Dad,” Y/N replied, trying to sound understanding. She couldn’t lie to herself, though. The Yardbirds made her feel very special last night, and disappointment was lurching in her stomach at the comment. As much as her father’s words stung, she harbored a small feeling of hope that they truly enjoyed her company and meant what they said.

After everyone finished dinner, and Charlie and Lillian left the table to go play in another room, Tommy, wallet in hand, walked over to his mum, who was washing the dishes with the help of her husband.

“Hey Mum, I’m gonna take Y/N for ice cream,” he whispered, glancing at Y/N who was sitting in a chair in the living room, almost unconsciously playing with her fingers and staring out the window with a pensive countenance.

“Okay, love. Just bring something home for Charlie and Lillian,” she replied. Tommy walked over to Y/N, tapping her shoulder. The girl looked up at him, confused.

“I’m taking you for ice cream. Let’s go,” he said, already walking towards the door. Y/N grinned, then chased after her brother to the car.

~~~~~~~~

27 June 1965

Y/N and Carolyn weren’t able to attend as many Yardbirds gigs as they would’ve liked in the end of May and beginning of June, as they had exams at school. Now that they were over, Y/N could be fully immersed in the travelling British rock and roll circus for the greater part of the summer.

The girls agreed to make a venue change tonight: instead of going to the Marquee, as they usually did, they decided to go to the Crawdaddy Club. Y/N hoped Jeff, Chris, Paul, Jim, and Keith would remember them by their faces instead of just their clothes, because there was no need to wear school uniforms anymore.

Carolyn decided to drive to this particular gig, probably because she was expecting the two of them to go backstage again, as having her own car would grant them more time with the band then that first night at the Marquee.

The Crawdaddy Club was architecturally and aesthetically different from the Marquee; there were no chairs or booths, so standing was the only option, and the boundary between the stage and the audience was virtually nonexistent. The ceilings were low and beamed, and the stage backdrop had a painting of a measure of music. Y/N thought that particular touch was a bit cheesy.

Carolyn and Y/N walked in together, squeezing past the army of fans already hoarding the front of the stage. They managed to find a spot by Jeff’s side of the stage, his amps towering a few feet from where they stood. Thankfully, they were able to see most of the stage, including Jim’s drum riser in the back. The conversations among all the audience members were deafening, but Y/N heard a loud whisper within her periphery that she could just make out.

“Pssst! Y/N!” a familiar voice whisper-shouted, which was followed by a wave.

It was Jeff, widely smiling with his guitar slung over his shoulder. He was walking out the backstage door, meticulously making sure the door wouldn’t harm his guitar in any way. He then waited near the stage steps to go on, which the girls discerned could be any minute now.

“Oh my God, Jeff!” Y/N replied excitedly as she walked over to the steps. She made her way through the crowd, a lot more ungracefully than she would’ve hoped.

“It’s so cool to see you at some place other than the Marquee,” Jeff said. He looked genuinely happy that she was there. Maybe Y/N’s dad was wrong about these “fickle musicians”.

“We’re happy to be here! I’m so sorry I couldn’t make any more since the last time… exams and school and all.”

“Oh, that’s where you were! I hope you got good marks,” Jeff playfully grinned, “because you ought to mind your studies, Miss Y/N. Sam was starting to think he scared you off and that you didn’t want to come back.”

Y/N scrunched her nose in a confused way, as if to say “who?”, which resulted in a soft chuckle from Jeff.

“‘Sam’ is Paul’s nickname.”

Y/N nodded in understanding with an endearing smile. “Oh, okay. That’s definitely not it, then. I was just stuck with exams and graduation, that's all. Be sure to tell him that.” A wink punctuates the end of her sentence, and, gearing up to respond, Jeff is interrupted by a sharp noise next to him. Mere seconds later, another familiar face entered the scene, walking out of the door. Chris Dreja, also with his guitar slung over his shoulder, warmly smiled at Y/N as he closed the door behind him.

“Hello, Y/N. It’s so lovely to see you again,” he greeted. She noticed that he had a substantially deeper voice than the other four, something she hadn’t the last time they met since he was talking with Carolyn and Keith.

“Hi Chris! Same to you,” Y/N grinned.

“No uniforms this time I see,” he teased, discreetly scanning how stunning he thought she looked.

Y/N laughed. “Yeah, I’m off from school for the summer so there’s no need anymore, thank God. Now I can attend your shows more frequently, and wear a decent outfit too!”

“That’s great to hear. We do love your company.” Y/N beamed at his comment, unconsciously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Chris’ eyes track the movement, and he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. He thought Y/N was beautiful, but he had a wife and a child on the way. He also felt a little jealous that Paul and Jim had their eyes on her, but there was not much he could do about it. If he was cunning and quick enough to steal Y/N before they had the chance, though, and if his wife never found out…

Quickly regaining his wits, he remembered why he was sent out. “Jeff, Keith needs you backstage again.”

Jeff groaned. “What? I thought we were starting, like right now!”

“I know, I know. We were supposed to, but he wants everyone backstage again for some reason.”

“Ugh, this is why he can’t fucking be in charge,” Jeff replied, clearly annoyed. Then, as Chris was heading backstage once again, Jeff pulled something out of his pocket, a knowing smile on his face.

“Here, love, have this. You’ll be needing it after the show,” he said, placing a card with a lanyard attached to it into Y/N’s hands. Y/N smiled giddily.

“Thank you. Good luck with that meeting, and good luck in the show, even though you don’t really need it,” Y/N replied playfully.

“Oh, I think I need it more than you think I do,” Jeff smirked, disappearing behind the door.

~~~~~~~~

Just minutes later, The Yardbirds came out and played their set, which lasted a couple hours, and didn't fail to stun the crowd. Y/N and Carolyn received a lot more smiles of recognition than the last time at the Marquee, since the boys knew who they were now. The only similarity to last time was the electrified fans who were completely immersed in the music.

Jim McCarty, in particular, looked at Y/N a lot more often throughout the show than he did last time. She caught him a couple times, which was really embarrassing on his part, but not the entire time, much to his pleasure. He didn’t think it was possible, but it seemed that she had grown even more beautiful than last time.

Was it absence that made his heart grow fonder? Possibly. Was he in love? Yet another possibility. Did he know for certain? Perhaps, but he wasn’t exactly sure yet.

Besides focusing on the music, Paul’s mind was elsewhere. He was planning on asking Y/N out on a date with him sometime this coming week. He hoped she’d accept, since she did an awful lot of blushing and giggling around him when they met in May, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. Paul was concocting the perfect formulation of words so that she couldn’t refuse the offer. She looked like the type of girl who would enjoy a nice dinner date, and he would do anything to make that a reality for her.

Chris’s mind was the opposite of Paul’s: he didn’t want to think about Y/N because in the event he did, he knew he would mess up a chord or two on the guitar.

God, he thought, she was perfect. Purely enchanting.

Jeff was just happy, almost giddy, that he’d found a new friend in Y/N. He knew she was special, and he hoped she trusted him, because some people in this business could be very sleazy. She was different from all the girls a lonely musician would find on the road. Y/N was the type of girl that Jeff wanted to see after a thousand and one nights touring, catching up and sharing stories over a pint. Sure, he had a steady girlfriend, but something about Y/N was comforting, friendly, and trustworthy. Just what he needed in a friend.

The set was similar to the one at the Marquee, but with little variations here and there, still holding the audience under a trance. After the performance’s conclusion, Y/N rummaged through her pocket and showed Carolyn the backstage pass given to her by Jeff, to which Carolyn squealed with delight. Y/N took Carolyn’s hand and walked with her to the door, showing the security man her prized relic. At once, they were granted access, and they skipped and trotted and leapt down the hall in excitement.

When the pair got to the correct door, Y/N took a deep breath and knocked a couple times; momentarily, they were greeted by a smiling, but sweaty, Jeff Beck.

Y/N didn’t care. “Brilliant show, my friend,” she gushed, giving Jeff a congratulatory hug.

“Thank you,” he replied gratefully, reciprocating it with a beaming smile, “security didn’t give you trouble I hope?”

“No, we were fine, thankfully.”

“Good to hear, good to hear. Well, come on in!” Jeff exclaimed, getting out of the way of the doorframe, “do you fancy yourselves a drink?”

Y/N and Carolyn walked into the room, starstruck once again by all five of The Yardbirds being in one place. This time, some members of the road crew, management, and lighting company were there as well, chatting and planning among themselves. They all greeted the girls amicably, and grabbed some chairs and arranged them in a similar formation to the Marquee.

“Um, yeah, sure, if you don’t mind,” Y/N accepted as she sat down, throwing a kind “thank you” over her shoulder at the roadie that had brought her chair over, voice a little lost in amazement at the current happening.

“Here, I’ll get it,” Jim said with a smile, “you stay put.”

“Thank you, that’s so sweet,” Y/N grinned appreciatively. She could feel herself warming up to these guys, as she didn’t feel as nervous as the last time. But a little twinge of it was still there, rippling through her stomach.

Jim was turned away from Y/N getting the drinks, so she wasn’t able to see him blush. He found it unbelievable, the effect she had on him.

The whole group was sharing conversation and laughs over drinks for almost three hours, but it was almost as if time did not pass. They talked about music, books they liked, restaurants they recommended, places they’ve travelled to, philosophy, history, the environment, conspiracy theories...you name it.

Y/N and Carolyn stood up from their seats, as a cue to the party that they had to leave soon. Paul, who again was sitting next to Y/N, tapped her shoulder. Turning to face him, Y/N could see the flush on his cheeks, and the way he was almost curled into himself.

“Hey Y/N, can I ask you a question really quick?” he asked, much more nervous than he sounded a few seconds ago.

“Yeah, sure,” she smiled. Y/N, taking his outstretched hand, found herself being whisked away by Paul to a corner of the room, near a row of vanities attached to the wall. She hoped that the others were all too distracted talking, so that no one would notice her and Paul’s absence.

Looking at each other, face to face, the two smiled happily, as though there wasn't a care in the world.

Paul then took a deep breath, his expression turning more anxious. “Okay…” he exhaled, “here goes.”

“You don’t have to be nervous,” Y/N chuckled, “it’s just me.”

Paul’s face softened a little, gazing down at her. “But you see, that’s the whole point. It’s you. I have every reason to be nervous.”

Y/N’s face cascaded into a red flush, her lip quivering in the hopes of concealing a foolish grin. Paul reached down and grabbed Y/N’s hands, holding them in his own as Y/N’s heart started racing at what felt like two thousand miles a minute.

“I just wanted to preface this by saying that I, uh… I have been absolutely bewitched by you, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the night at the Marquee,” he began. Y/N melted with every word, but at the same time, she felt as if she had been electrically shocked. When she looked into the twinkling depths of his eyes, she couldn't help but swoon.

“So,” he continued, “I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime. If you’ll let me, of course.”

Y/N was at a loss for words, composure, and any sort of rationality. She never thought, in her wildest dreams, that a musician in a world-renowned band would fancy her. Just able to restrain an awestruck grin, she finally gave in.

“Yes,” she replied, happily breathless and dazed, “I would love to go out with you.”

Paul, ecstatic with her answer, beams down at her as she launches into his arms in a sweet embrace. He asked for her phone number and address, and, spotting a nearby miniature legal pad, she wrote everything down, signing it with a cartoonish smiling face and a heart.

~~~~~~~~

After Y/N and Carolyn had said their goodbyes and left the Crawdaddy Club, the five musicians were left alone in the backstage area, to relax after such an electric show. Jeff and Keith approached Paul, who was collecting his belongings in the corner of the room.

“Did you do it?” Jeff asked, face a picture of feigned nonchalance as he took a sip of his beer.

“Yes, I did it,” Paul grinned, bending down to grab something of his that had fallen on the floor.

“I guess she accepted by the look on your face,” Keith observed, a sardonic smirk on his handsome features.

“You’d be correct,” Paul replied.

“You wanker,” Jeff shook his head disapprovingly, “why would you bloody do that? You’re gonna break her heart!”

Paul’s expression quickly turned unimpressed. “Because if nobody here tells her, she’ll never know.”

What Paul had failed to tell Y/N was that he had a wife, with whom he shared a home. He felt bored, with all the travelling and the touring and the nonsense, so he wanted a lovely, intelligent young woman like Y/N to “keep him company”.

He knew he wasn’t in love with Y/N. Sure, he fancied her immensely, thought she was ethereal, but his heart truly belonged to his wife.

“Congratulations, Sam,” Keith said sarcastically, “you just potentially ruined a friendship with a very pretty bird.” It was clear that Jeff and Keith cared very deeply about Y/N and her happiness, because she was a great girl.

Paul rolled his eyes, annoyed. “You lot have to do me this solid and don’t say anything to her. It’ll work out fine. Oh, and spread the message to Chris and Jim so they don’t spill the beans either.”

“You fuckin’ owe me, Sam,” Jeff warned, already walking backwards towards Chris and Jim, “you owe me big time.”

---------

Taglist: @blood-on-blood @reincarnated70sbaby

[yeojaa]

wait !!!! find her jk with that prompt the other anon sent!!! can u plssss that’s literally something find her jk would actually do🥺🥺🥺🥺

[ read finders keep hers ]

pairing.  jjk x (named) f!reader.  rating.  general.  tags.  idiots in love.  like, that’s all there is to say.  angst central, my dude.  wc.  2.4k.  author note.  i meant to make this short and end with some tender lovemaking but...  i cannot be trusted near a keyboard so you get this word vomit instead.  xoxo!

You love Jeon Jungkook.  Have, you think, since before you knew what the word love meant.

(Maybe since you were children and you’d still stood a chance against him, bursting with pride from a job well done, young enough that your parents’ kind words felt better than anything in the world.  Before he’d turned into the president of the Casanova Club and he’d just been your and your brother’s best friend.  Little Jeon with the unbelievably big eyes, always so curious about everything.

Or maybe since your tenth grade White Day, when he’d bought you your favourite candies and pressed them unceremoniously into your hands, too many to hold so they fall to dirt and tumble around you.  He’d stooped to snatch them all up, shoving them into the pockets of your coat.  “Because we’re best friends or whatever,”  he’d said with this toothy, silly smile.

More likely during university.  That time you’d maybe (read: very) foolishly made out, liquor fueling the tangle of your limbs and how utterly good he felt within them, a nectarine dream in his brand new G Wagon.  You’d thought he’d laugh in your face, mumble something about no, we can’t - which he had - but he’d also taken you home, tucked you in and climbed in beside your inebriated self.

Definitely once you’d started seeing each other, spending more time in his bed than anywhere else.  It’d been nearly impossible to separate head from heart, falling deeper and deeper into the Jungkook-shaped black hole that seemed to eclipse everything else.  You’d fallen head over stupid heels, leaving bits of yourself hidden among his things.  Your lip balm in his trouser pocket, perfume on the collar of his favourite turtleneck, shape of your mouth alongside monogrammed initials. 

You hadn’t meant to.

Love him, that is.  It’d simply happened in between all the laughter, the eye rolls, the smiles.  Threaded between each action and cemented by the thud of your heart, beat into the ground like a drum.)

Sometimes, though, you don’t like him.  Oftentimes, in fact. 

You and Jungkook are as different as can be.  

You’re in business development at a tech firm;  he’s the technically unemployed son of a real estate mogul.  You invest most of your money;  he spends his as if it’ll never run out (which it likely won’t).  You grew up with an older brother;  he’s got two younger sisters.  You drink to celebrate, to wind down;  he drinks to prove a point.  You believe in love - have to, looking at your parents and feeling how you do about him;  he knows it exists but up until recently, had zero interest in it.

You wonder still, seated at the table with your group of friends and their partners, whether that still rings true.  (Deep down, you know it doesn’t. You know he loves you, wants you in a way he’s never wanted anyone else before, but your brain is a fickle thing, playing tricks when it shouldn’t.) 

Would he be happier without you?  Better off without you? 

Your thoughts mock you - just as he does, roguish smile turning his entire expression into sunshine.  Inescapable, all-encompassing, so blinding it’s almost hard to look at.  Trained on the girl he’s chatting up at the bar.  

This is what Jungkook does.  What he’s always done.  You should be used to it, really.  The man’s charm is always turned up to eleven, always in full effect even when he doesn’t mean it to be.  It’s simply part of who he is- young and rich and devastatingly, heartbreakingly handsome. 

Still, you can’t help the emotion that swells somewhere deep in your stomach, jostles the meal you’ve just had and turns your insides into a sea of nausea.  You know when he’s just being friendly and you know when he’s flirting.  It’s a terribly thin line but one you recognise, intimately familiar with the two sides of his personality.  

Right now, he’s flirting.  Doing that thing he does, one arm folded on the counter top, unblemished hand resting somewhere along his hip, silver of his rings acting as a beacon beneath the dim restaurant lights.  His other hand slots itself into the pocket of his coated jeans, tattoos thrown into stark contrast against his skin and the black of the denim.  There’s that smile of his, more a smirk but sunny, radiant, beautiful.  It lights up his entire face, steeping his expression in something warm.  The dimple in his cheek winks with each laugh - you can only imagine the one on the other side does the same, cut deeply into his skin.

Don’t be mad, you tell yourself.  He’s your Jungkook, bad habits and all.  

You love him.  You love him.  You love him.

If he notices your stoicism, he doesn’t comment on it.  Doesn’t ask what’s wrong or if you’re okay or what’s up.  Barely even speaks to you, save to toss his arm around your shoulder and tug you close, practically tug you into his lap while his friends share stories of their week.

It’s your usual Friday night dinner.  Something you’ve done with this ragtag group for as long as you’ve known them.  An excuse to go out and drink and eat some damn good (and often free) food. 

You wish you could enjoy it like you normally do.  Instead, you’re preoccupied by the way a perfume that isn’t yours lingers on his collar - seeps beneath the fabric and marks him up like a possession.  It’s too sweet - cloying sugar apples and coconut - nothing like your usual earthy wisteria and dewy rose.  It stings your nose when you inhale too deeply, nestled into the familiar shape of Jungkook’s frame, settled between the vertebrae you know best.

You hardly notice when he does speak to you, rousing you from thought you can’t quite place any longer.

“Ready to head home?”

The rest of your friends are going about their business, slipping their coats on and exchanging ideas for plans the following morning.  (Saturday brunch is a very popular thing, though it tends to lean late lunch versus true breakfast-brunch.)

You nod and slip from beneath your lover’s arm, plucking your purse up as you rise.  You’re ready to get out of here, ready to scrub away the melancholy that lingers like a thin film across your skin.  

He must have realised sometime between your silence in the car and your lacklustre kisses in the elevator.  You think he must, as he nearly slams the front door of his penthouse shut, kicks off his Chelsea boots and lets them tumble together just off the welcome mat.  (Not the reaction you’d expected, but you’ve learnt to never expect anything from him.  As much as he might be your best friend, Jeon Jungkook plays by his own set of rules.)

He doesn’t wait for you to undo your own shoes, carefully undoing the straps of your Jimmy Choos and setting them where they belong before you follow the sound of his footsteps.

When you find him, he’s stripping off his jacket and tossing it haphazardly across the back of his desk chair, keys and wallet and phone dropped none-too-gently upon wood.  He says nothing even as he crosses to his closet, steps inside and slips off each piece of jewellery:  assorted rings and his Rolex - everything but the bracelet you’d gotten him for graduation.  

His belt goes next, set back within the confines of its velvet lined drawer.  Through the hole goes the button of his jeans, down goes the zipper, and then he’s in nothing but his vaguely sheer dress shirt, boxer-briefs, and silly printed socks (yellow bananas on black fabric, for reasons), looking every inch the adonis he is. 

You still haven’t said a word, carefully hanging your dress in the small space you’ve carved out for yourself.  You don’t really know what to say - how to approach his apparent frustration when you don’t know where it comes from.

Is he upset with you?  Had you, somewhere along the line of your own sadness, done something to upset him?

You’re running through all the scenarios, lost in thought, when his voice breaks the quiet.  Snaps forth and hits its mark - a perfect shot.  “Seriously?”  There’s a fickle quality to his tone, a pettiness that you recognise when he hasn’t gotten his way, when he’s not quite sure what to say but knows he wants to have something.  (It doesn’t come out often with you, but you’re intimately familiar with it still.  His I-want-to-fight voice.)

“Pardon?”  You’re not expecting him so close, close enough to reach you but far enough that you can tell he’s purposely put this distance between you.  It feels strange - further apart than it is.

“You’re not going to say anything?”

You blink.  Once, twice, three times.  When you speak, it’s full of confusion, paired with your brows gathering in a little knot of bewilderment.  “Anything about what?”

“What happened at dinner.”  

He sounds so utterly deadpan, you can’t help but laugh, a sound of disbelief rather than amusement.  

“You mean you flirting with that girl?”  Even saying the words feels awful, makes you want to crawl into bed and forget about it all.

Jungkook, on the other hand, looks like you’ve just handed him the answers to all of life’s questions.  His entire face rearranges, all the pieces matching back up to form a proper puzzle.  There’s a certain smugness to it now, caught in the round of his cheek and how it ticks higher with his grin.  “So you did notice!  I fucking knew it.”

“Of course I did.”  You want to be appalled.  Know you should be.  (But it’s Jungkook and you love him.)  “Kind of hard not to.”  

He’s the devil in disguise, snapping you to him with a flex of his arms, hands curled around your waist.  It’s clear he’s pleased, absolutely tickled pink that you’d fallen for his silly little trick.  “Gotta keep you on your toes,”  he croons, eyes twinkling, mouth wobbling with the strain of keeping his laughter hidden. 

He expects you to agree - maybe roll your eyes and pat his cheek, laughs along with him and give him some sort of shit about how he’s an idiot - and visibly starts when you push yourself away, two palms flat against his chest. 

“Sure.”

One word.  Nothing like he’d imagined.

“Baby?”  You’ve made it two steps - two whole steps, which is two too many to Jungkook - when he’s pulling you back, trapping you against his chest with his arms looped around your shoulders.  “Where you going?”  He’s kissing along your shoulder, trailing warmth everywhere he touches. 

He still smells like that girl’s perfume.

“Can you get off me, please?”  You’re more polite than you normally are, working hard to keep calm when he only tightens his grip.  Of course he thinks you’re kidding, thinks you’re pouting and playing just like he had when you’d returned home.

When you repeat yourself - a little harder, a little quieter - he seems to realise how wrong he’s read the situation.

“Angel—”  You’re swept around, left to stare into the neat white of his shirt as he peers down at you, waits for you to meet his eyes.  You don’t, staunchly focused on the buttons of his Oxford, how they strain over his broad chest.  “Baby.”  Now he’s the one full of reprimand, disapproval colouring the single word that’s normally so sweet.

“What?”  It’s just as bratty as he was earlier but somehow worse, touched blue.

“What’s wrong?”  Jungkook seems genuinely perplexed, concerned and maybe, just a tiny bit frustrated.  He’s not used to you lashing out like this, soft and yet unyielding, hidden behind a door he’s fumbling with the keys to.

“You.”

“—me?”

You’re not one to throw out things you don’t mean, carefully picking and choosing your words.  It’s something you’ve always done - far more responsible than your idiot best friend who’s never had to worry about a thing in his life.  

The line of his mouth dips, pulls into a frown as he studies you and tries to crack open the windows to gain some insight.  It doesn’t work well;  he’s faced with a stone wall.

“Why’re you mad?” 

You want to laugh.  Do, actually, so short and abrupt it’s more of a scoff.  “What’s wrong with me?”  You’d pull away if you could. (Realistically, you could, but you’ve always been too soft for him.)  “You spent almost all of dinner flirting with someone else.”

“Yeah— to make you jealous.”  As if that makes it better.  As if that doesn’t tear a giant hole right in the centre of your chest, launches your poor heart out of the airlock to fend for itself in the emptiness of his expression.  

You don’t know why it feels worse to hear it out loud.  You’d figured as much. 

(Jungkook had done this in the past, though always jokingly.  He’d rarely been invested enough in a girl to go to such lengths but you’d seen it once or twice.  Always the age old adage of wanting what you can’t have.)

You wish you could separate the then from the now.  Remind yourself that he does care, that this is his twisted, stupid way of showing his affection - of keeping you around.  (You know he’s just as vulnerable as you - maybe more, sometimes - but he shows it poorly.  Pushes you away when he tries to pull you in.)

Tears are welling, spilling across your lashes faster than you can yank them back.  Something about being an angry crier.  

“Good job,”  you mean to snap, to make him feel how you do.  (Small - so very, very small.)  Instead, it’s terribly quiet.  A whisper that gets lost to the cotton poplin.  “Now I’m jealous.”  And miserable and insecure.  All things you usually aren’t, that only Jeon Jungkook manages to bring out in you.

“Baby,”  he tries again, crushing you to his chest, jut of his chin resting atop your head.  His hugs had always been your favourite - swallowing you whole, making you feel safe - but it’s too much now, a prison cell rather than your familiar bed.  “I’m sorry.”  He’s kissing again, stamping his affection into the dark of your hair, brushing over and over with the soft of his lips, his rounded adorable nose,  “I thought—”

You know what he thought.  Know where he’d been coming from (a place of immaturity, a gilded golden room with Jeon Jungkook stamped across the door) but it doesn’t make it any better.

Doesn’t make it hurt any less.