#but i reaaally wanna know
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hellaephemeral · 1 year ago
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i’m actually curious so please leave your unpopular bllk opinions in the tags/comments of this post <3
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wormy-worm · 5 months ago
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Penjamin!
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Heres a character design thats been floating around my mind for a few months. He's based on a dream i had while sleeping through class about a guy named pen who got a boring miserable finance job he doesnt like, and is always doodling over his work. I think he has a real propensity for creative things and i think he really likes action comics. But pen was never given the space to explore or cultivate that artistic side outside the margins of his notebook pages. He was put on a specific path and is expected to act in a very specific way. He thinks that the only true measurement of success is the traditional kind and that his other interests are childish (this is a mindset that was very much taught, he drew a LOTTT more when he was younger). So his art is very messy and childlike i think. lots of stuff he draws just cuz its SICK, superheros and monsters and stuff. he likes using crayons too. His life continues very monotonously until one day when his doodle COME TO LIFE and burst off the page, wreaking havoc on the city!! so now its up to Penjamin (and his crayons that can create anything he can think of!) to capture and erase all his doodles. And in having to come up with creative solutions to catching each doodle, as well as having to draw his way out of many situations, Penjamin learns to accept and cultivate his own wants and creativity. He learns he wants to make art even if its frivolous, and even if hes not very good at it, and even if he started taking it seriously "too late". I think at the end he gets a new job that, while maybe less traditionally successful, he likes more. One that gives him more time to draw and read comics and cook and sing and drive his stupid car around. More time to just be a human guy.
He's repressed and pretentious and a slacker and just absolutely goofy <3 ily blorbo from my dreams. blorbo from my visions.
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fisheito · 1 year ago
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Hi! Um, any tips on how to color/shade?
-Because i am beyond terrible at it
m..me?? cooouring? i mean. i hate colouring so much that i flat-col the minimum for character recognition and call it done
if i absolutely HAvE to shade something . i'll use the :shrug: shortcut of starting with the base colour, then tweaking the Saturation/Lightness bars: -shadow: lower saturation and lightness -light: whatever saturation, higher lightness
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if the character is somewhere with a distinct colour theme, i'll try to shift the base/shadows/lights to that colour.
likewise if there's a distinct coloured light source, i'll make the light on the char similar to that source
imagine me sitting on one section of the colour wheel. and walking toward the destination colour. just picking up colours in between. idk how legit it is, but i'm doing it
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sometimes i'll be all srs and try detailed light/shadows but. it ends up makin my drawing too busy. a mess.
CORRECT: try to replicate that light source IRL or thru reference so u can figure out why it looks wrong, then correct your placements
INCORRECT, BECAUSE I'M LAZY: do a simple shape-based cel shade and let the audience's brain finish the job 😂
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also i try not to use pure black or pure white for shading. i used to paint the night sky as 100% (zero lightness) black and the moon as 100% (ALL LIGHTNESS) white and my instructor wanted to fling me out a window. i could see it in their eyes. as they gently explained how IRL conditions are rarely 100% black or 100% white. maybe the night sky, depending on the conditions,, (if u actually colour drop a photo) is like 9% lightness with a tinge of blue. the moon is 96% lightness tinged orange. idk
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theduckboy · 1 year ago
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hi happy pride 🏳️‍🌈 (dc fan pride month starts a day early because we are cool 👍). i look away for like a month and the miguel o'hara spider-man tag turns into 90% reader fanfiction posts. What is happening dude
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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OK so I have an inkling of an idea for a trigun ficlet. A one-shot, really. Not really any plot, but I just have the urge to write my own interpretation of Weird Plant Shit. Like for how much ppl tag this stuff as xeno, most of it's honestly pretty tame. Which kinda makes sense, considering a lot of this is being based off of the plants in stampede, which While uncanny are not NEARLY the amount of inherent horror of the plants in the manga. There's some FREAKY shit going on there. So like. You know. What if I took more inspiration from That for Vash's freaky shit?
#speculation nation#YES this is for a smut idea. dont judge me#ive never posted smut b4 bc ive exclusively been writing akeshu & theyre teenagers#im not interested in writing smut of teenagers#but i have my interests 😭 and i am an undeniable monster fucker. we been knew.#just. vague idea. ppl have run with the plant idea. & id wanna too. but in a different sort of way.#thinking more. venus fly trap kind of situation. NOT easily translatable to human biology#the kinds of shit that may trip even the most adventurous man up. but we all know he would take it in stride in the end.#idfk so much of the allure of this pairing to me is the inherent inhuman nature of vash's physical form. and how that manifests everywhere#the human and the angel. for all that entails.#i dont have an idea for an actual story for these characters yet. my brain is spinning them but it hasnt come up with that yet#but a lil smth self indulgent to just play around with Fun Ideas? i reaaally wanna go for it.#we'll see if i end up writing this. & if i end up posting it.#im both somehow Very solidly kinky and VERY solidly shy about it. aka why i barely post about that kind of stuff.#face in my hands just talking about this here. who knows how i'd fare with posting it.#but if i go thru the trouble of writing it you BET id go thru the trouble of posting it#and you B E T itd be angsty. the inherent longing and unsaid words. what am i if not an unrepentant angst writer lol#thoughts & ideas r spinning. i will have a merry little time.#uhm. do i need to tag this as anything. is this too tmi? i dont even know#WELL if u read the word 'xeno' and keep reading that's on U. sorry#here just in case if ppl r worried i will tag this as#tmi/#sorry lol
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rexscanonwife · 1 year ago
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My embarrassing crush on Knives aside I would take Meryl for the lesbian ride of her LIFE
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angeltism · 1 year ago
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ever feel like words aren't enough and uu need to leap at somebun at an ungodly speed and hug them with enough force to crush several of those really annoying plastic water jug things
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^ these bitches
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ofallthingsnasty · 2 years ago
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Sorry for the radio silence, I'm prepping for my dental surgery exam and it's. So much. 😭 It's on wednesday and afterwards I'll actually have some free time until my next exam (april 4th, one day before my birthday lol)!! I'll get to all of your asks then 💕💕 Thanks for sending in so much 🥹
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honeybeekao · 2 years ago
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i may make a new tumblr i think that may help me with coming back
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Dylan "Harte Schale, weicher Kern" Parks vs. Dylan "der manipulativste Mörder in Rocky Beach" Parks
They're in my head and they're fighting 🥺
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sonicunleash · 11 months ago
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does anyone wanna take my shift todaaaay i can make you. a banger chili or chicken salad or. other such things
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berrymeter · 1 year ago
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about to go to bed & my mother asks me for 70€ like i havent been living off of takeaways bc i cant afford groceries... ma'am i am an artist what makes u think i have money
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anachronismstellar · 8 days ago
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SQH x Wine Peak lord
I would imagine SQH would teach the Wine Peak Lord modern drinking games and it goes from there. (IDK if it will go like the SVSSS extra if you know what I mean.)
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HISHSDAUFHUSDHDF not only did SQH taught a modern drinking game, UNO is now canon in the SVSSS lol
AND FUCK YEA BODY SHOTS LET'S GO
A Peak Lady this time! :D Her lovely name was given by @busysavingtheuniverse, thank you so much and I hope you enjoy my wine aunty!!
Omg I'm so sorry it took me this long but *waves at the past weeks*
But to make it better this is ahahahah 13 pages long on my docs. :D
Why I am going a little insane ty for asking
BTW, this one has mild explicit content AND it has two adults getting reaaally drunk before having sex. Everything is consensual, but if that makes you icky, maybe skip this one
Now, on with the fic!
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The room was filled with the scent of incense and tobacco, the lights bright just enough to create an intimate atmosphere. Four people gathered around a low table, the clacking of ivory pieces mixed with their low voices.
And the wine, of course, flowing like a river, making laughter bubble free. They probably shouldn't drink so much, their week packed with meetings and trainings, but if their dear Mu Qingfang himself was indulging, who were they to say no to a bit of fun?
The stones were given to each player, some of them being exchanged back and forth, the match starting with their host setting down the first piece.
And as soon as the game began, so did the gossip.
"Has anyone heard from their disciples yet? Wei-shixiong?" Mu Qingfang asked as he poured wine for all of them while waiting for his turn in the game.
"Not me," he replied as he discarded his stone, cursing right after, trying to take it back, only to get a tap on the wrist by Qi Qingqi sitting on his right.
"Pong. Don't cheat." Qi Qingqi said as she moved her pieces at a speed that would leave anyone dizzy, already displaying a group of three identical stones, her eyes focused on the game, shoulders tense.
"I heard nothing from him as well," Mu Qingfang added along with his own discarded stone, moving way slower than his shijie on his left. "But I don't think he noticed the rumors yet."
"I don't wanna add to the fire," Zhang Qingyan started as she tapped her nails on her pieces, holding her pipe between her teeth to move her own blocks before continuing. "But I heard some An Ding disciples talking about Liu-shidi being the last victim."
"Really?" Mu Qingfang asked, genuinely surprised. "I thought he was scared of Liu-Shixiong?"
"Oh he is!" Wei Qingwei said a bit too excited for someone losing their third round or so. "But I heard that girl, what's her name? The An Ding Head Disciple? Qi-shimei, do you know who I am talking about?"
"Ye Ling."
"That's the one," Wei Qingwei threw another piece at the discarded pile, then sipped his drink. "She said Liu-shidi scared the soul out of Shang-shidi's body, and Shang-shidi grabbed him and threw Liu-shidi on the ground."
"And that would do it, wouldn’t it? Liu-shidi is so odd…" Zhang Qingyan took another smoke from her pipe, then offered it to Qi Qingqi, who just refused with a shake of her head. She had lost the three last matches, and that mixed up with how much wine they had already...
Zhang Qingyan moved a little bit to the side, just in case.
"Who is missing then?"
"Almost half of the peaks, I believe."
"Do you think he's gonna sleep with all the lords?"
"A bit difficult, I mean, Gao-shidi has eyes only for his talismans. And Qi-shijie-" Mu Qingfang said as he took the pipe Qi Qingqi rejected.
"I won't touch men, not even if there's no one else in the world," she said as she put down her stone, glaring at Wei Qingwei.
"Don't look at us like that." Wei Qingwei gave her a wink, laughing at her face of disgust. "You haven't got the full Shang Qinghua experience!"
"It baffles me how he got himself into the bed of so many." She pretended to move her pieces around, just like Zhang Qingyan pretended not to see her take a piece from the discarded pile without the others noticing. "I tried to ask him where he bought his ink, you know the shimmery one? I couldn't open my mouth before he ran away like a scared rabbit."
"And can you blame Shang-Shixiong?" Mu Qingfang chuckled as he put his stone down, a light brush on his cheeks even though he had just a few cups. "Qingqi-shijie talking to a man of her own will is not something common to see. He probably thought you're going to ask for his liver."
"Hunf! I didn't need anything from him anyway." She flipped her hair back, as if she hadn't just confessed wanting to ask Shang-Shixiong a question. "My girls were more than able to gather all the information I needed to buy the ink."
"What I find really intriguing is that so far it has been all peak lords and no lady," Zhang Qingyan said as she poured another cup for Qi Qingqi and then herself, sighing at the taste of plum and spice. "Is he even interested in women?"
"Zhang-shimei, not you too," Qingqiu shook her head in dismay. "You are not considering-"
"The boys keep talking nonstop about him. And as Mu-Shixiong doesn't tell me anything-"
"It's doctor and patient confidentiality!"
"-I'm curious, that's all."
The entire table got dangerously quiet before exploding with noise.
"No, no, no, absolutely not, I have my money on Wu Qingfang being the next one!"
"Please don't indulge this nonsense, they are already insufferable as they are-"
"You should call him for the next game." Mu Qingfang took a sip of his wine, the red on his cheeks spreading down his neck. "He's been dealing with a lot lately, I bet he would enjoy the distraction."
She turned to look at him, eyebrows pulled up in surprise as she slowly let go of her smoke.
"Mu-Shixiong really thinks so?" She tapped her ashes in an empty bowl next to her chair, ignoring Qi-Shijie and Wei-shixiong bickering to focus on her dear doctor. "You-" she paused, glancing at the two other cultivators, certifying they were distracted before taking his hand and gently squeezing it. "You know him better than any of us..." She paused again, their eyes meeting, a heartbeat passing before he gave her a soft smile, glasses a little crooked.
"I know it's been a while since he had good wine." Mu Qingfang squeezed her hand back with a discreet shake of his head. "And if there's anyone I trust to show him a good time would be Zhang-shimei."
She nodded slowly as she clicked her cup against his before taking her sip, the sweetness of the wine tingling on her tongue, making her sigh.
"Besides," Mu Qingfang continued, taking his last piece from the face-down pile. "Shang Qinghua is not that bad. The secret is to hand in his paperwork on time and not ask for any last-minute favors. Then he doesn't care about the rest."
"Hah!" Wei Qingwei exclaimed as he waved one of his pieces at Mu Qingfang's direction, showing its symbol for anyone to see. "It also helps that you like sucking his-"
Smack!
The sound of Qi Qingqi slamming both her hands against the wooden table was loud enough to make them all stop and stare at her bright red face.
"Can we talk about anything else that's not Shang-shidi- Shang- the A-An Ding Peak Lord love life?" And at each stutter, her grip on the table got stronger, to the point of her knuckles going white. "Honestly, you are all worse than my teenage girls!"
They looked at each other before lowering their heads with soft mumbles of "Sorry Shimei" and "Sorry Qi-Shijie." Zhang Qingyan felt bad for her poor Shijie, Wei-Shixiong must have already talked her ear off about Shang-Shixiong if she got to the point of exploding like that.
They went back to focusing on the game, their silence lasting for three more rounds before Wei Qingwei opened his mouth and-
"But how long do you think it will take until he notices his disciples bragging about him fucking Liu-shidi?"
Qi Qingqi grabbed the closer bottle she could reach and took a big swing while Zhang Qingyan patted her shoulder, holding back her laughter.
-------
Shang-Shixiong and Zhang Qingyan had a very... Feeble relationship.
They were both close friends to Mu Qingfang, but they had never actually talked anything substantial outside of small talk.
If anyone asked Zhang Qingyan why, she would say they just hadn't much in common. She liked her wine and spending days and days in her peak, experimenting with all types of tinctures and salts, while he would never stop going on and on about paperwork and numbers, topics she wanted to avoid like demons after she closed her office doors.
She knew he was a good man, Mu-Shixiong wasn't one to praise freely. She just had been under the impression of Shang-Shixiong being a busy bee that cared only for his work, with no time to let his hair down. Literally.
Then came the rumors.
First was a joke that she caught among her disciples, then a bet here and there. Upon a bit of a digging, she found out a very interesting talk among the disciples of all peaks. She didn't believe it at first, and who would?
But then Wei Qingwei told his own story, and added to what she knew Mu-Shixiong and Shang-Shixiong would get up to...
One couldn't ignore all the evidence.
She got curious, of course she did. Did she believe that her invitation for a game of Mahjong would be accepted? Honestly, no.
Was she disappointed when instead of a polite decline she received a confirmation of his presence at their next gathering?
Absolutely not.
"This one would like to apologize to Shang-Shixiong for the absence of the other guests," she said as soon as they sat down on the low table, the set of Mahjong organized over it, ready for a game. "Mu-Shixiong had to cover his head disciple's shift, and Wei-Shixiong is lost in his forge, he said he was about to finish his last masterpiece and couldn't come."
"You mean his masterpiece of this month, right?" He took his wine cup from her hands with a small nod, waiting for her to pour her own drink before taking a sip. "Hoping he doesn't blow up another forge."
"Let's hope not, or he won't escape Qi-shijie's fury this time."
The name made Shang Qinghua tense, a weak laugh escaping his throat while he looked around, as if Qi QIngqi would jump from the curtains at any moment.
"Speaking of her, you said she was invited too...?"
"Oh, she's invited, but with Qi-shijie is always a wild guess,"
They left their talk trickle down as they both sipped their wine. When the silence kept going, Zhang Qingyan put her cup down to get her pipe. If she was going to host, she would have a good smoke.
"Do you want some?" She offered the tobacco. "I also have another wine, if Shixiong prefers something a bit stronger."
"This wine is perfect, thank you," he said as he rushed to take another sip, nodding his head. "But- uh. I wouldn't mind a smoke, actually."
He took his own pipe out of his robes, filling his pipe with fresh tobacco, shoulders dropping as smoke left his lips.
Deciding not to let the conversation die a horrible death, Zhang Qingyan poured more wine to them, hoping for it to loosen up Shang-Shixiong's tongue.
She wanted at least some gossip to tell Wei-Shixiong!
"I'm sad that I've invited Shang-Shixiong all this way for a match and we won't be able to play." Zhang Qingyan said after taking another sip of wine before starting the task of putting the Mahjong pieces away.
He quickly started helping her to put all the pieces in the silk lined box, picking up one or other to admire the hand work. "We could play something else, if you would like," he suggested when they finished putting everything away.
"Oh? What do you suggest?"
He patted his robes until he found a qiankun bag, taking a bundle of paper from it, setting on the top of the table. "Have you ever played Yi?"
She put the box aside, reaching for the papers, letting out a surprised "Huh" when she touched it, not finding it as flexible as she was expecting. And the colors! There were the ones with numbers, but also many drawings, some of them so detailed one could stare at them for hours.
"You've made these?"
"Oh no, no, I'm not an artist. But I know a lady that does some commission work, so all I had to do was describe the cards for her to make."
"They are beautiful..." she whispered while admiring a red phoenix delicately painted to look as if it was curling around the number nine. "How do you play it?"
He delicately took the cards from her hands, setting one of each type on the table, explaining one by one along with the rules of the game. And during the entire time she couldn't help but feel impressed, her polite smile slowly becoming sincere the more he talked. And she could see that Shang-Shixiong was opening up too, his own lips curling up in a smile, eyes crinkling with joy every time she asked a smart question.
"And there are many ways you could bend the rules, some people back in my town would play it as a drinking game."
"A drinking game?" Zhang Qingyan immediately perked up, eyes glinting with mischief. "Would Shang-Shixiong want to try going against me? Really?"
He squinted his eyes at her, and she could see him biting the inside of his cheek, as if considering his changes.
"Yes, let's make it a drinking game."
Oh poor dear, he had no idea, had he?
It wasn't his fault, really. Zhang Qingyan wasn't the type to brag, and again, they hadn't spent enough time together for him to know what a terrible mistake he had just made. And before he could go back on his offer she brought a cheaper wine, pouring them both a cup full to the brim, pulling her sleeves up so they wouldn't get in the way of her handling the cards.
Shang Qinghua shuffled, cutting the deck in half and then shuffling again, giving each of them seven cards, picking one from the top of the remaining, a beautiful blue bird with the number 6 next to it settling the first color of their game.
And so it started. 
"Zhang-shimei is a fast learner," he downed his wine in one swallow, without blinking at the strong taste. She could see he wasn't expecting her to get the rules so fast, their first round ending with Zhang Qingyan's victory. "Maybe we should add more drinking rules."
"Shixiong is too kind," she batted her eyelashes at him. "But if you think you can keep up with this one, we could add a cup each time one has to buy two cards or more."
"Deal," he agreed with a smile that was too sharp and too dangerous, a glint in his eyes that made her giggle with anticipation. It was like she could hear Mu-Shixiong's voice laughing with her, poking at her ribs while saying proudly. "Told you he's not bad."
…She could also hear Wei-Shixiong too, a whistle followed by "Careful, Shimei~ you gonna fall for it~"
"I'm not falling for it," she thought as she shook her head while giving all the cards for Shang Qinghua to shuffle again, firmly ignoring the way her heart picked up pace when his warm hands touched hers.
They played another round, and then another, tricking each other as much as the cards themselves tricked them, drying one bottle then two, then four. At some point Shang-Shixiong had let his hair down, and Zhang Qingyan had lost her outer robe, both stacking cards as fast as they could just to see the other fumble, smoke and alcohol making the room spin softly around them.
"I didn't know Shimei was such a good drinker," Shang Qinghua set his card down, laughing as Zhang Qingyan cursed like a demon, picking up two cards before drinking her wine. "I should have proposed that we drank each time one has to buy a card instead of two or more."
"Careful, Shixiong, one could think you were trying to seduce poor little me," she replied with a sweet smile, while curling her hair on her finger.
"Oh shimei, if I were really trying to seduce you, I would suggest body shots," he laughed, then drinking his cup after drawing a card.
"What are body shots?" she couldn't help but ask, glaring at the bright green dragon in the middle of the table, her cards dancing in front of her. She had the card to change colors for a while now, but she could also make him draw four more cards.
Hmmm choices choices...
"Oh, uh," his hesitation made her raise her glance at his red face, surprised at how he had gone from relaxed and cheekey to embarassed in less than seconds. "It's- It's something from my town? But, ah, is a bit-"
"Shixiong," she set her cards turned down at the table, putting her elbows on top of it so she could rest her chin on her hands. "Is it a lewd game?!"
"Oh Heavens," he hid his face between his hands, groaning. "I should not have mentioned it, oh no, this is dangerous-"
"Now I'm even more intrigued," she leaned forward, head slightly tilted down as she looked up at him. "Shixiong wouldn't leave me curious, would he?"
She didn't think it was possible for him to become more red, but at this point he was about to let smoke leak through his ears. He coughed, recomposing himself only to lose it all over again after glancing at her neckline, mumbling a word she couldn't understand.
"I- I could show you?" his voice went up at the end as if he himself was doubting his abilities. But with a deep breath he took the wine bottle and drank a good half of it, setting the porcelain on the table with a sharp nod. "I will show you. But you have to promise not to be angry."
She laughed out of pure surprise, agreeing not to hit or harm him in any way. And the more Shang-Shixiong explained what he was going to do, the more she started questioning herself on why she had never seen him in one of Wei-Shixiong wild parties, or how the quiet peak lord had knowledge of such games.
And that's how she ended up with a cup of wine nested between her robes and her chest, and Shang-Shixiong standing right in front of her, brown eyes blown wide as he held her by her waist. They both moved slowly as if the air had turned into molasses, unsure of where the lines were drawn, Shang Qinghua's heated breath sending shivers down her spine.
It was mesmerizing to watch as Shang Qinghua bit the porcelain and threw his head back, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. Clear liquid trickled down his chin, making everything messy, and probably it was not as graceful as he wanted it to be, both already drunk as they were. But then he went and licked the cup clean and-
He raised his eyes at her, and it was impossible for her not to hold his face, sinking her hands into his hair. She guided him into a biting kiss, both of them moaning, as his hands slid up and down her body, touching her everywhere as she did her best to get rid of his collared shirt, pulling him even closer by the back of his neck.
If the room had felt hot before, now it was boiling, her red robes hitting the floor right after his leather bracers, her dark lip tint smeared over his mouth and cheek.
Everything tasted salty and sweet, the haze of the wine making her entire skin tingle as he pushed her slowly until he was lying on the wooden floor. She felt as if she were floating under the brushes of his fingertips as he left her chest completely exposed to his gaze, tracing a swirling pattern all the way to her belly.
"There's another way to do a body shot," he said, and the way his voice went deeper with lust, oh Heavens, she might never recover. All of Mu-Shixiong's wildest stories weren’t able to prepare her for the vision that was Shang Qinghua completely disheveled, hair dripping down his shoulders, strong muscles peeking from his half opened shirt. "Shimei would like to learn it?"
She kept nodding while he took the bottle from the table, gasping when he pulled the cork with his teeth. "This might tickle," was the only warning he gave her before pouring wine in her bellybutton. She whined, nails scratching his arms with thin lines of red as he breathed over the cold liquid before sucking. And he drank it all up to the last drop, his tongue dancing on her skin, setting it her on fire, turning her whine into full moans as his mouth went lower and lower and-
"S-Shixiong!" She cried while grasping his hair tight, her back bending until it wasn't touching the floor for a second.
The slurping sound was obscene, it was divine, it was driving her into madness. She couldn't stop making noise, pulling her legs up until her knees were touching his head, begging for more, begging for mercy, begging and begging-
"I must say..." He wiped his chin with the back of his hand, pressing a soft kiss on the side of her knee. "This was much better than any body shot."
She kissed the smugness off his face, doing her best to reverse their positions, biting as she noticed Shang Qinghua was letting her move him around, allowing her to sit on his lap.
He was about to find out two could play that game.
"My turn," she said as she grabbed the bottle, pouring it all over his chest.
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She took her time getting dressed, feeling relaxed like she hadn’t in a good while, body sore all in the right places. Her guest had already left for his own peak, but not before making sure she had a good breakfast and some water, hangover tincture ready by her bed. 
And as soon as she could, she set foot to Mu-Shixiong’s peak, asking the first discipline that passed by if the doctor was in his office, not surprised at all by the affirmative answer.
"Mu Qingfang," she didn't slam the door open because that would be beneath her, but her entrance was dramatic anyway, robes fluttering as she rushed to get closer to him, crossing his office in a few steps. 
"What?" he asked as he paused by his examination table, his magnifying glasses perched up on his nose. And it was a testimony of their long friendship that she didn’t even blink at the sight of him bent over what seemed to be a tentacled creature; a scare thin knife in one hand, a pair of tweezers in the other.
“You were right, I was wrong.”
“Well, that’s a first coming from you. What was I right about?”
She took him by his wrist after he set all his instruments aside, making him sit before going through his shelves to get the good wine. Yes, she was still hungover, but she was in the mood for a celebration.
That and the fact that she would collect a big bag later from her disciples was also very nice, but not the point.
“Shang-Shixiong came by yesterday.”
“Oh?” and that was what made him shift his entire focus towards her, fingers intertwined on the top of his desk. “And how was it? Did you guys play Mahjong?” and then he dared to wiggle his eyebrows at her, a smirk playing on his lips.
"Stop it, I just told you that you were right," she poured him the wine, waiting for him to sip first before tasting it as well. “And I have to admit, I didn't know fingers could move like that. And don't tell Qi-shijie but- his tongue?"
"I know," Mu Qingfang let out a dreamy sign.
"And how long can he hold his breath? I mean-”
"I know," he sighed again, a silly smile on his face. Before, when she was the one on the other side listening to him sing Shang-Shixiong's praises, she would roll her eyes fondly, saying that he was a man in love.
Now? She understood. She completely understood..
The entire time Shang-Shixiong had been the most polite, making sure she was comfortable, taking what he wanted but not taking it for granted. He asked permission in the sweetest ways, teasing her when she failed to use words. And at the end of it all, he had taken time to massage her sore thighs, kissing her feet, treating her like an empress.
It made her heart race but she wasn't a romantic woman. She liked to have fun but relationships? Hah! In a world controlled by men, to become someone's wife would be the same as giving away her power and titles.
Mu Qingfang, on the other hand...
"Are you... Are you alright with all of this? I know how deeply you feel about Shang-Shixiong." She took his hand between hers in a similar gesture all those days ago, searching in his eyes any sign of pain. "Just say the word, and I go after him to give a strong talk."
He laughed, a genuine belly laugh that made her relax her shoulders, the band around her heart releasing a bit.
"This one thanks his Shimei, but she doesn't need to worry. My relationship with Shang-Shixiong is not like that. We love each other, but I know he wasn't meant to have only one lover."
"That's a way to say it," she tsked as she patted his hand again, letting it go to pick on the sleeves of her robes, still a bit out of it from the previous night. "The man is turning the Sect into his personal harem… And I don't think he knows it."
"He has all of us wrapped around his fingers, doesn't he?" And then it was his turn to take her hand, checking her pulse and Qi levels out of habit. "Now, what else did you do last night?"
"Shixiong!"
"What? Is nothing I haven’t seen before, at least from his part. And I’ve told you worse and you know it."
She groaned, caught by his sound argument. She hid her face between her hands, feeling her ears burning up, face almost scarlet as her robes.
“Well?”
She peeked at him between her fingers, pouting. But when he just crossed his arms she knew she would have no escape. "Fine. But first-" she took his cup of wine, drinking it up in a gulp, the burning on her throat matching the burning of her face.
She started talking.
--------
The plan for this was:
They played mahjong cards
They got drunk
Sqh: uhh body shots is uhh a game but is not appropriate to play with decent company Zqy: good think I'm far from decent then ;)
BODY SHOTS
Uhhhhh, as spicy as we can get
And my brain couldn't think of any creative name for their UNO version so I went with the number one in Mandarin aaaaaa
Holy shit y'all I can't believe we are 7/12 already?!?!! sdhfuishdf Send help aaaaaaaaa
aaand next on the line is Beast Peak Lady, Wu Qingfang!
here is the masterpost of all the other achievements
thank you again for this ask and for giving it a read!!! :D
Beast Peak here we gooooo~
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sexilene · 4 months ago
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thinking about raising your voice at johnb and he's putting you in your place...🤐🤐🤐
yessss yummmm omgggg!!!! ᥫ᭡ᥫ᭡ᥫ᭡ warnings!! (pa!nal, orgasm denial, spitting, gagging, threats of spanking!!) ignore any misspellings lol sorry!! 🧁
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when your boyfriend decides to punish you for stepping out of line he intends to see it through, most times he’s quite gentle about it, and other times he can be reaaally mean which basically means that he doesn’t give in to your whining and pouting. sure you were most likely just stressed or overwhelmed but in his eyes, that's no excuse for lashing out at him especially when you and john b had been working on using your words or expressing yourself through gentle physical gestures like hand holding, hugs, lap sitting, thigh humping…
this time around you had raised your voice at him during a seemingly normal conversation about what to eat for dinner which then somehow evolved into an argument about you being a little too friendly towards the guys you were attending to at your job.
“i hear what you're saying baby, but i hope you can see how i interpret it when those assholes put their hands on you or-or when you smile at them n’ lead em’ on.”
“no, you’re the asshole!! i’m was not leading them on i was just doing my job…but i can’t do my job if you come rushing in like some prince charming, i don’t need you to do that!”
“doing your job and flirting are two different things bub.” your boyfriend raises his eyebrows almost like he’s warning you to choose your next words wisely. completely disregarding the warning, you fire back at him.
“you could have gotten me fired! i hate you!” you shout, walking away from him and heading for the bedroom to slam the door. he knows you don't really mean it when you use those words with him but how else will you learn that speaking to him that way is just so disrespectful! not when he does everything to make sure you are happy, safe, healthy, and dicked down when you 'neeeeeded' it!
“no hey! take that back!” he growls, grabbing onto your wrist tightly to keep you from storming away further. when john b doesn’t get the answer he was expecting he decides enough is enough and picks you up n' throws you over his shoulder to take you into his room. “fine, you wanna be a brat? be a brat.”
next thing you know, your boyfriend's got your panties pulled down and he’s pushing his cock into your tight little ass without any prep. you gasp as he’s sitting you on it, “no! no more! m’sorry! i don’t wanna!” you cry and protest the punishment, digging your nails into the arm that is keeping your back pressed against his chest, sitting on his bed, split on his monster dick.
“mmm nmm, don’t wanna hear it now.” john b huffs from behind you, his cheek pressed against the side of your head. he brings his other hand down to play with your clit and give your pussy little slaps.
“said- i was sorry!” you whine, your cunt clenching around nothing.
“nope, lost your privilege to speak a while ago…” he brings his bandana up to your mouth and gags you with it, and you know better than to try and spit it out.
“such a spoiled princess, go on bubba, cry on my fingers.” he coos, now starting to finger open your sopping wet pussy with two of his insanely thick fingers. tears stream down your face, drooling and whining into his bandana in your mouth.
“so spoiled,” he groans, trying his hardest not to thrust up into your tight hole as he’s fingering you. the warmth of his body envelops you, his strength and size overwhelm you with emotions. just being close to him like this makes you want to take back every mean thing you’ve ever said to him no matter how justified.
"thaaaat's it, baby," he whispers when he hears how embarrassingly loud the sounds of wetness your cunt makes with each in-and-out motion of his fingers. “you hate me?” he asks knowing full well you couldn’t answer back with words.
“mmmph!” you shake your head and whine, gripping his big arms, nails digging into his skin. his fingers curl inside you, hitting that sweet spot over and over and all you can do is sit with his cock in your ass and take it, drooling on the fabric in your mouth.
“yeaaah i know, we don’t talk to daddy like that do we?” he coos again this time a little more condescendingly, pressing wet kisses to your cheek repeatedly. you shake your head ‘no’ and continue to chase your orgasm on his fingers. and just about when you are about to cream all over his fingers from how hard the rough pads of his fingers are rubbing your clit, he slips his fingers out of your aching pussy and stops rubbing your clit.
“mmmph!” you cry as loud as you can into the gag.
“s’a punishment bubba, can’t let ya cum.” he sighs and presses a few more kisses to your cheek. he doesn't exactly enjoy denying you in any way but he had to stick to being 'mean boyfriend' to teach you this lesson. finally, he takes the bandana out of your mouth, revealing a string of drool connecting the cloth to your lips.
“you ever talk to me like that again n’ i’ll stuff a dildo in your ass and give you a good hard spankin’ you understand me?” he whispers and grabs your face with his big hand squeezing lightly “answer me please baby…”
“i understand…” you croak out quietly, brows furrowing at the throb of your puffy cunt and the stretch of his dick still inside your tighter hole.
“gooood girl, so proud of you,” john b switches back to being a little nicer to you and brings that hand from your face to your waist, holding you gently. “wanna get up now? no- okay that’s fine, we can just stay here for a sec.” ᥫ᭡ᥫ᭡
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nickfurysrighteye · 11 months ago
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college au!chase davenport x fem!reader
summary: you're a college student. you go on a date with adam, the campus' fuckboy, but you didn't know he had a brother...
cw: kinda nsfw!! swearing, mentions of sex/hooking up, heavy make out in a public place, you and chase get reaaally touchy, adam's an asshole (sorry adam). that's it :)
a/n: part 2 here!! this is not what i was going for when writing another chase x reader but i thought "fuck it, chase smut"
minors do not interract!!
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"y/n guess what, this guy at the party yesterday told me he saw you on campus and wanted to ask you out so i told him we're roommates and he gave me his number." your roommate says, the morning after she went to a frat party.
"wait really? what's his name?" you reply with a mix of surprise and excitement in your voice.
"adam davenport"
"oh my god that fuckboy wanted my number?!" you say, kind of disappointed. frat guys weren't really your type and adam was definitely the complete opposite of what you want in a guy. he is known on campus for two things: his parties and being a total asshole to girls.
"i don't want anything to do with him, especially after my last relationship, i don't need a guy like that."
"you don't have to date him, what you need is a rebound to forget your ex. go out with him, hook up and then leave, that's what he does anyway." your friend's plan wasn't that bad, you take it into consideration.
"to be fair, adam is kinda hot and i do need a rebound..sure i'll text him, why not."
-
adam didn't live on campus, he had a small apartment downtown his father paid for so he didn't have to live in the dorms. after a bit of texting he asked you to come over to his place. you didn't expect much from this date, your idea was to follow your roommate's plan and you made sure to look your best in order to go through with it.
"hey, come on in." adam says opening the door for you. the apartment was small but tidy. you enter the apartment and make your way into the living room, which was an open space including the kitchen. sitting at the kichen island was a brunette guy with a black long sleeve tshirt, focused writing something on his laptop. he looks away from the screen the moment he hears your voice.
"hi, I'm y/n."
"oh, he's my brother, chase. we're roommates, don't pay attention to him."
"you're in college too, chase?" you ask.
"yeah i'm a physics major." he looks at you and slightly smile, a small dimple forming on his cheek.
"no way i'm a physics major too, how come i've never seen you at the lectures?"
"getting noticed by girls is not his strong suit. why don't we go to my room, we can watch a movie." adam says quickly, trying to get you away from his brother. it was clear he wasn't supposed to be there but adam couldn't do anything about it.
instead, you get closer to chase "what are you working on?"
"i'm writing a paper on the poly-exclusion principle. it's weird, usually the girls adam brings home don't do this much talking. they aren't physics major either. " he stops writing and leans a bit onto the table to get closer to you. he looks at you with that slight smile. his eyes were like watercolors, brown blue and green swirling together, framed by the fair mauve color of the skin underneath. he wasn't getting as much sleep as he should be.
you want to reply but his beauty his mesmerizing. his ruffled brown hair, his rosy lips, his hands, which had a dash of red on the knuckles from the cold weather. you just can't look away.
"ok that's enough small talk, let's go y/n" adam interrupts your brief conversation, taking you by the arm and slowly leading you to the corridor.
"if you're going to have sex please be quiet. i have a lot of work to do." chase says loudly as the two of you walk away.
how many girls does he bring home? do i really wanna be just a number? you think as you walk into adam's room. you start to reconsider your plan, you aren't so sure you want to hook up with him anymore.
-
adam's laptop is set on the bed, a movie playing in the background. you're making out but it's not leading anywhere, too many thoughts going through your head.
"so...you wanna hook up or..?" adam pulls away from the kiss.
"uhh..i-"
adam stops you mid sentence "it's ok if you don't, but if we're not gonna do it then imma ask you to leave."
"what?" his audacity baffles you.
"yeah imma be honest, that's the only reason i asked you out so if you're not cool with that there's no reason to keep this going. i actually have another girl i gotta call-"
"oh my fucking god you cannot be serious." you stand up, hastily gather your things and head to the door.
"what? i said i was gonna be honest." adam says suprised.
"listen i knew you were famous for one night stands but jesus fucking christ have some tact!" you open the front door and leave, swinging it close behind you.
"byee! have a good night!" chase shouts, sitting in the same spot with his eyes glued to the screen. "well that's a first! she was nice."
"fuck off chase."
-
the next day you decided to spend the afternoon studying at the campus' library. you arrive later than you usually do and hope to still find a good spot. after a some wondering around you see a familiar figure sitting at a table with a laptop open. the brown haired boy from the previous night sitting at the table alone, you walk over to him.
"hey, chase, right?" you remembered his name, matter of fact you thought about him a lot after leaving adam's apartment, there's something about him that just pulls you in you can't help it.
"hey, good to see you here." he smiles again, this time showing his pearly white teeth.
"mind if i sit here with you?"
"no, not at all."
"how's the paper turning out?" you pick the the seat right across him.
"It's driving me insane, i think i spent so much time writing it I'm starting to show signs of severe sleep deprivation. how about you? what are you studying?" he rubs his tired eyes and run his fingers through his already messy hair. that boy seriously needs to sleep.
"i'm just going over some course material. I've missed a couple lectures, not that the professor knows how to teach this stuff anyway." you say as you take out your books and laptop out of your bag.
"i can help you out if you want." he leans a bit to see what material you're going to revise.
"that would be great, actually. thank you so much."
a few hours go by and now the room you're in is basically empty, the only sound filling the deep silence is the quiet mormouring of you and Chase talking. the two of you are now sitting next to eachother, not really studying, you gave that up around half an hour ago.
"by the way i'm so sorry about adam, he can be a real asshole sometimes."
"don't worry about it. if i knew he had a brother i wouldn't have gone out with him." a light chuckle leaves your mouth as you finish your sentence, then you realize the words you just pronounced. you turn your eyes upon chase and see him with his head lightly tilted, a smirk on his face and his watercolored eyes gazing at you with a glimpse of amusement. he chuckles.
"i'm sorry, that was weird. forget i said that. what i meant was adam's not my type anyway." an even worse feeling washes over you, god why can't i just shut up your thoughts are interrupted suddenly by chase's low and soft voice.
"what's your type then?" so many words fill up your thoughts but none are coming out. you stare at his lips, his soft, plum, roseate lips that had a blood colored aura in the center. you want to know what it's like to kiss them, to bite them, to feel them all over you, to feel them brush against your neck as he whispers sweet words to you.
you don't say anything, your body leans closer to him and you slowly close your eyes, all of a sudden you feel your lips meeting with chase's for a quick moment. your eyes open again and your faces are inches apart. chase places carefully a hand on your cheek and gently places his lips back on yours. he moves with such care it seems if he kisses you any harder you're going to break. he kisses you so tenderly it sends chills down your spine. he's so gentle and warm, it's like cold was the only thing your body has ever known until he touched you and heated you up.
he brushes his tongue against your lower lip and haltingly pushing it into your mouth, making your tongue swirl together. you felt your body get even hotter, your heart starts to race, his tongue felt so good you didn't want the kiss to end. his hands start to wonder down your body, feeling every curve, caressing you, studying your shape with his fingertips. his hands go down until they reach your hips, then they slowly make their way back up. he stops right underneath your breasts. your body's craving more of his touch. you need to feel him. all of him. you move one of his hand up and he cups one of your breasts squeezing it, making you moan softly into the kiss. your sweet sounding moan makes his lungs clench and cheeks burn. as he starts to lightly circle around your nipple with his thumb your hands travel up his thighs and get closer to his groin. his pants are getting tighter.
just like that chase pulls away from the kiss and moves his hands away. "we're in public, i think we went a little too far."
you laugh, "yeah i- uh, i think so." you don't care, truth be told if it were for you, you'd be bent over the table with your pants pulled down and chase pumping his dick into you. you couldn't care less about someone accidentally seeing you, you need more of his touch. you've never craved anything more than this. you need him.
"It's getting late, we should go." chase starts to gather his things. "we- uh, we should study together again...sometimes."
"yeah, sure uh...here..take this." you rip a piece of paper from your notebook, write your number on it and hand it to him. "text me, or call me or whatever you want." you pack your things.
"sure i'll see you at the lecture, goodnight." chase leaves and as he walks out of the library he looks at the small piece of paper.
"adam's gonna kill me"
-
a/n: thanks for reading <33 PART 2
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adhdtsukasa · 5 months ago
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tsukasa tenma has ADHD!! except it's an actual analysis because 1. look at my url 2. i'm mentally unwell (and i started to love tsukasa mostly because i immediately recognized my ADHD traits in him). which is a thing i should probably leave for ADHD awareness month, HOWEVER!! it was my birthday yesterday and i wanted to spoil myself (i just kinda overlooked how much time writing it from scratch would take me, so i'm a bit late with it). and i reaaally don't wanna wait until november when i finally wrote it down because i'm so HYPED because i was preparing for it like what? two years? somewhere around it. and that's a LONG time.
please keep in mind that i'm no psychologist, psychiatrist nor a neurologist and while i do use some sources (cannot really confirm if they are true, though... because i forgot to write credits down... so i'm really sorry for that), most of this analysis was just based off on my personal experiences with the disorder (and i don't really have the full professional knowledge of what i struggle with i'm just a Boy). i mean, i am analyzing a character from a hatsune miku game. i think i'm already putting way too many effort than i should.
also the examples of tsukasa's behavior here are not all of the things, because i wrote down only the things i remember off from the top of my head. sorry, guys. my hyperactive ass is not sitting thru all the stories again just to get my crumbs, unfortunately.
anyways, with this a little bit unprofessional and messy introduction, let's get it started!
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1. THE MAIN PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, AKA HOW THE ADHD SYMPTOMS CORRESPOND TO TSUKASA'S BEHAVIOR
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i wanted to write it down in my own words, but i think the screen above has summed it up perfectly; there are some established symptoms of ADHD, but to be an ADHDer you don't have to experience them all. and this is going to explain why i'm gonna show a lot of these symptoms later, yet gonna connect only some of them with tsukasa. it's only these i have evidence for, and yet i think they're good enough to point at tsukasa and already say woah! an ADHDer!!
in short, there are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive (ADD) and combined. the combined one is the most common iirc, so that's also what i'm going to focus on today. especially since for a rep of the other types, i could say that shizuku's a rather great representation of ADD — but that's not the point of my ted talk today, so i'm not going to go into the detail about it. i'm sure some momojan or shizuku oshi would do better than me in this field, so i'm leaving it to the experts.
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these are the symptoms that i managed to gather — the first two screens being about the symptoms viewed in children, the last one being about the symptoms viewed in adults. "in which one of them tsukasa belongs to?" that's a good question, because i actually don't know. calling a high schooler a child doesn't sit quite right with me, yet a freshly turned 17/18-years-old is not exactly an adult, either (although most of the symptoms i'm analyzing come from these that are viewed in adults). and while i do think tsukasa has more of the symptoms viewed in adults, we're gonna analyse them all! because i'm putting my all into this.
FORGETFULNESS
i believe there's not much left to say, as this is the most obvious one and everyone already knows that. even though it's not touched that much anymore for some reason, tsukasa's forgetfulness is his very apparent trait. it varies in severity a lot of times: from him basically forgetting both his childhood and true feelings in the main story to him, for example, forgetting his own phone and lunch (in the same day!!) in hinamatsuri. even saki in the same event, while they were arguing, called him a "big, dumb forgetter" and assumed that he forgot what happened the day he brought her the hinamatsuri dolls to hospital. while forgetting basically half of your life is not exactly normal and can be a sign of something bigger, like dissociative amnesia, his forgetting of just the ordinary things and it happening a lot definitely still fits this trait.
EXCESSIVE TALKING/PHYSICAL MOVEMENT
while this is something that you'd rather connect to emu (and for a good reason), it's not like tsukasa is completely devoid of it either; he talks a lot. he moves a lot. it's not on emu's level of hyperactivity, but it's also not "a lot" that's taken as a social norm, based on how the people around him react. he's putting the 1 in oddball 1 2, after all.
in holy night or some side stories connected to it (it might be meiko's side story? but i'm not exactly sure) it was also said that tsukasa moves in his sleep a lot to this point that his parents have to leave his christmas presents under his door instead of next to his bed.
oh, and he also talks to himself a lot. even in class, which was confirmed in chapter 6 of dazzling (or maybe even earlier, it's just the one moment that i remember). (but i'll get to this moment later on)
he says his long monologues, he strikes his poses at every occasion — and while i don't think that's the first thing you think of when you have "excessive talking/movement" in mind, for me it sure does count as it.
LITTLE OR NO SENSE OF DANGER
this point can seem rather weird, because "isn't tsukasa always riddiculed at rui's weird inventions"? well, yeah, he is, that is not a thing to deny. but he also agrees to try out most of them, if not all, if it's for the sake of the show. he's aware of what can happen, but he also doesn't back away if it means that he'll be one step closer to achieving his dream of stardom.
does it count as "little sense of danger"? well, i'm actually not sure, for me it doesn't, but maybe for someone it does. i'd say that's a rather weak point, but i wanted to include the explanation for the counterpoint of it — that's why i even mentioned it in the first place. i don't have a lot to say about this tbh.
update: oh, actually no, wait, i just remembered. remember how tsukasa in phoenix decided to not eat anything for three days just to be able to resonate with rio, while also having to do straining exercise on top of that? you certainly cannot say that's a safe thing to do, but he still went along with that in order to get the role. it makes me come to a conclusion that tsukasa actually has a sense of danger, but sometimes chooses to willingly ignore it if only it makes him get closer to fulfilling his dream. i think it's coming close enough to the little/no sense of danger to be actually considered an ADHD trait.
DIFFICULTY KEEPING QUIET
while i'm not sure if what i'm going to talk about is a difficulty keeping quiet in a traditional sense of way, it definitely counts as it, somehow: tsukasa is loud. like, really loud. and that's another obvious fact both for us and for characters in-universe, especially when thinking of tsukasa shiho's first thought is that he's kinda noisy, which can be seen in the "a friend's brother" 1koma. (and probably a lot of other cases. free shiho.)
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tsukasa doesn't seem to realize that he's way louder than he should be and that him being loud is his first impression in most of the cases, though, or at least i don't remember any moment where it happens (and it's a possibility. then that's on me, i guess.). and yeah, i know what's the reason for it, obviously — he's supposed to be a comic relief character. because wansho's stories are mostly supposed to make you smile, as this is what wansho's aspiration is. however, as much as being intended to make the viewer laugh it wouldn't be, it still is a part of tsukasa's character, and a rather important one on top of that. his constant loudness is something that's definitely not considered normal by the society and could very well fit into this symptom.
and since i promised to elaborate on the mentioned before scene from dazzling chapter 6: when tsukasa talks to himself in class, it always ends up to be loud. and it already happened a few times.
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(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on youtube because i don't have proseka on my phone wah)
if it's not a difficulty keeping quiet, then i don't know what is. bro can scream up to 120dB as measured by robonene for god's sake.
IRRITABILITY/QUICK TEMPER
again, this is something that was more apparent with early game tsukasa, maybe he just got medicated. idk man. but even if it happened three, almost four years ago, it still happened, i don't make the rules. back in the early game, tsukasa was really easily losing his temper and getting annoyed, mad even — i mean, that was the whole point of the main story argument: tsukasa's first response to nene accidentally messing up their show, which was not even her fault, was to shout at her. and while this was obviously very important thing to him and being upset at this is a rather understandable reaction, taking this as far as screaming at a poor girl for not being to face the audience because of her anxiety is not something a person who can control their anger would do.
it could be also easily seen by his reaction to emu and rui's antics back in the early game, which were often stained with irritation.
another example is his hinamatsuri argument with saki, where, despite loving her so much, he still got slightly mad at her for not liking the new dolls he bought her. he started to regret his harsh words and actions soon enough, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that it was rather easy for him to get him across.
INABILITY TO DEAL WITH STRESS
if i'm not mistaken, tsukasa has once said something along the lines of "is it anxiety? there's no way a star like me would feel anxiety" — but i cannot recall for the love of my life in which story it appeared, so i don't want to take it as a face value when i don't have a solid proof for it.
other than this vague mention of "something that's in the story but i don't remember where", i'll admit, i don't really have anything backing me up for this tbf. i mean, i guess maybe tsukasa doing his best to appear strong as a child to not worry his parents could work? because the stress of saki being in the hospital definitely was also present here, although i just see this more as a coping mechanism for his situation than a reaction to stress, so that's not a solid evidence either.
so, yeah. take this one with a grain of salt, actually.
from the symptoms that weren't listed here, i remember reading something about people with ADHD enjoying to show off more, which is certainly what tsukasa does often — and while it actually applies to me too, it wasn't on an english site so i didn't screenshot it and i cannot really find it anywhere in english... so even though i treat it just like my whole argument for the inability to deal with stress, i thought it's just worth mentioning.
however, there is obviously one more thing...
HYPERFIXATION/SPECIAL INTEREST
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obviously, i'm talking about acting here: for tsukasa, acting aligns with all these criterias. it is his deep passion; it is something highly engaging for him; it is sometimes all-consuming for him; he tunes out the world around him when he thinks about how can he possibly improve his acting (see: the dazzling moment i showed earlier. yeah, i like to use it as a backing point a lot, as you can see.); and it is something that is his life-long interest.
is it his special interest or his hyperfixation, though? well, it's hard to tell...? because while according to screen two, spinterest revolves around a topic and hyperfixation revolves around an activity, so it would qualify what tsukasa feels towards acting as a hyperfixation, it's still kinda hard for me to call it so because of its length. yes, screen three clearly says that hyperfixation can last years, but they mostly revolve around shorter periods of time, after all (my longest hyperfixation was just a year long, for example). i think it's up to you to determine whether you'd call tsukasa's love for acting a hyperfixation or a special interest, but it's something from these two most certainly.
i'm also a big fan of the headcanon that tsukasa's other spinterest is kaito ww it's in no way a canon evidence (unfortunately!), but kaito's 1* side story, where tsukasa and emu are watching kaito's show and tsukasa is explaining to her why kaito's wearing a scarf somewhat implies that tsukasa knew a thing or two about kaito before the main story. and i'm all for it. colopale let tsukasa be a kaito fanboy pleaseee.
2. I REALLY LIKE ANALYZING SONGS, IF YOU CAN'T TELL
those who have already read a few of my things probably know what i love to do the most — analyzing songs!! so i wouldn't be myself if i just left tsukasa's commisions without analyzing them under the angle of neurodivergence, especially since the sole reason i became obsessed with the thought of ADHD tsukasa was that one sekahaji line (there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse you will always be famous).
of course, remember that only the world hasn't even started yet should be taken as a canon value! producers are often given space to do whatever they want in the lyrics of the songs they are commissioned for, so they're not canonical in any way. i think it's still fun to look at their lyrics and ramble about them for a bit, though. i've already got too carried away anyways.
won't be posting photos of the lyrics since i'd hit the images limit, but you can check them yourself — all the translations i'm taking, as always, from the vocaloid lyrics wiki. (since filament fever has two tls on there, i want to clarify that i've only looked at and considered in my analysis the official english one, because it's, well, official.)
THE WORLD HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET
besides the mentioned earlier there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse, which i think of as a representation of overstimulation (since i used to see people asking "oh but why tsukasa has something about there being too much noise in a song made out of his feelings when he's such a loud person himself". because he likes the noise he makes, not the overwhelming, overstimulating noise from the outside!!), sekahaji also has a rather good amount of quotes that could be read as something connected to neurodivergence (based on the fact that it's not supposed to be a song about this topic): the main theme of these are procrastination, which can be seen in let's cross the end of all of this, partying forever and the world hasn't even started yet line itself. the thought of the world not even starting implies that there's still a lot of time left to do something, while "partying forever" can refer to deciding to give up on doing the things you should do and going to drown in something that indulges only you and yourself for the rest of eternity. while procrastination is not counted as an official ADHD symptom, it's a trait that people with the disorder very often have (for reasons obvious).
other lines, which i couldn't entirely fit into a box of a certain symptom, are there's too much conflict, so much conflict and it keeps growing (a parallel line to the noise one, so it means something! right) and let's break the plans for a harmonious future. in my personal interpretation, they both can be viewed as your typical neurodivergent struggle in a neurotypical society — "too much conflict" refering to an internal struggle of not being completely normal, while the "harmonious future" that's going to get broken are just the social norms that are going to be broken because of an off-putting, neurodivergent behavior. something that some neurotypical people dooon't really like.
TONDEMO-WONDERZ
since i've just talked about breaking the social norms, "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you, huh? line from tondemo-wonderz is going to go first, because it revolves around the same topic. it's the same case: it's about (subconscious, not intentional) fighting what's accepted by the society by just being yourself — because you're neurodivergent, you're different.
from the other lines in tondemo-wonderz, i have only one and it's take an eraser to your memories?!, which is pretty much self explanatory. as always, a mention of forgetting something in tsukasa's commision. who would've thought.
88 SHOOTING STARS
another self explanatory line that i have written down as first: it's okay if you only remember a little part of it sometimes. another mention of tsukasa forgor™, and while it corresponds with what happened in dazzling, it's still a line mentioning forgetfulness — so it's worth mentioning.
aren't we just inevitably going around in circles? and it's okay if you take a rest for a little bit sometimes can be interpreted as another mention of procrastination and while it's not that apparent as it was with sekahaji, because going in circles can refer to something else and taking a rest sometimes is not a bad thing at all, i still wanted to mention them here. for the record.
you ought to slip and fall in panic in the final moment is connected to a symptom that i showed, yet didn't elaborate on it (because i didn't have anything to work with) — making careless mistakes. the same case, yet with another symptom goes with is this not enough yet again? is this not how it's supposed to be? couldn't we go even further than this?, which can be seen as a reflection of unability to listen to instructions. a bit of reaching with this one (like this whole part damn), but as i said earlier: for the record, i'm leaving it here. to show that i had some intense thoughts.
tbf, when i think about it now, maybe the mentioned earlier "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you [...] could very well fit this symptom too.
MR SHOWTIME
mr showtime you will always be famous, because this is a song that gave me a looot of things to work with. i was so flabbergasted when i read these lyrics for the first time. tsukasa tenma why are you like this. /aff
there are a lot of lines hinting being easily distracted, and these are basically the very first ones, too: you know what? i just can't make up my mind, it's so messed up that i can't put my thoughts together and a merry-go-round (my thought process) goes round and round are all about it. like you cannot deny it this time, if it's not about being unable to stay focused then i really don't know what is [insert the tsukasa don't look away stamp here because i love it and it's my biggest motivation to actually focus whenever i do something]. the more i mess around and waste time, the more i become hungry / and i can't handle it can be seen as about procrastination again, and even not "can be seen", it's literally being frustrated at yourself for wasting time, that's the sole outcome of a procrastination!! being bothered by feeling anxious, meanwhile, is resonating with the inability to deal with stress once again.
also jumping the gun. driving in a zigzag manner can actually connected with the little to no sense of danger. because, as far as i'm aware, driving in a zigzag manner is certainly not a safe activity. don't do it at home.
from the symptoms that i haven't yet mentioned to this point, am i taking a long way? am i making a fruitless effort? can be reflecting difficulty organizing tasks — since the poor planning of your activities can make you take a long way and can make you do a fruitless effort. then, where's the fun in taking shortcuts all the time? can be read along the lines of something coming close to extreme impatience and while a person that's extremely impatient would actually enjoy taking the shortcuts to get closer to their goal or destination, said impatience can be also connected with the desire for something interesting to happen. a task can make you impatient not because it's long, but because it's simply boring — avoiding shortcuts can make it less boring, even if it extends its duration. with this explanation, it makes the unexpectedness (unexpected program) is the best part of the show (my life) perfectly fit into this category, even though i wouldn't call this line a sign of impatience on its own.
i have some issues with i'm pathetic. i can't satisfy myself, because... at first i thought of connecting it with either mood swings or inability to deal with stress, however i'm not sure if that's really it. i'm pretty sure it connects to neurodivergence in some way, but i just can't put my finger on it, so... i'm just leaving it here for the record, once again.
oh, and there's also i got lost in the world (stage) and / the end credits rolled (the curtain fell), which also is pretty much summing up the experience of being neurodivergent in the neurotypical society. in the middle of trying to stay true to yourself and having to mask just to be accepted, it's easy to get lost — and once you do so, there's no going back. the curtain falls.
to end this part of the analysis, i'd show the lyrics from filament fever and sekai wo terasu tetrad here. i won't do this, however, and the reason for it is fairly simple — they don't give me much material to work with and i'm not really surprised, because mr showtime has succesfully sucked all of the neurodivergent coded lyrics into itself. there just won't be another song like mr showtime, i fear.
i can just say that in filament fever there is running away from the flow of time — which got me thinking of either procrastination and unability to stick to time-consuming tasks, with the former being more plausible as a potential interpretation... but that would be it.
3. NAKAYAMA IS A METAPHOR FOR NEURODIVERGENT MASKING AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SAID BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS
listen, i know how it sounds.
i'm not actually a fan of trying to fit every thing a character does into a box of a metaphor, symbol or allegory, i really am not. i think some things should just stay as simple as they are, but this thought has been bothering me ever since i've first seen spoilers of what's happening in a story where you're the star for the very first time. i'm in no way saying it has any canonical meaning, but i just thought it would be fun to include. because maaaybe someone sees my vision.
for those who haven't seen tsukasa4 yet or want to have a recap of what has happened in it: the whole event story revolves around tsukasa trying to grasp his role (as always). wxs got recommended to shunmei-za by shousuke and went there to practice their acting skills, immediately getting thrown onto the preparation for their next performance. tsukasa, however, is not a lead this time — he got the role of a supporting character and has got basically three lines to say on stage total. since tsukasa's used to playing lead roles, he obviously has issues with grasping the role — it's hard to use method acting in regards of a character that says three sentences total and nothing more. with help of bakuno reki, one of the actors in shunmei-za, and the rest of wxs, he manages to create a portrayal of nakayama that would make him "come to life" and "be a protagonist of his own story", something that would make it easier for him to get into role, however...
he gets a little bit too carried away with his acting during the actual performance.
and this is not something that would ruin the whole play, obviously, he's just a supporting character, the less invested audience would probably forgot about his impact on the story after five minutes of his last appearance — but he still made a slip-up. he still resonated with his role, but didn't achieve the utmost perfection. he still did well acting, after all, he managed to receive praise from the director in the end... but it's still a very apparent mistake that was made.
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(tl, once again, by the awesome tsukasa's #3 fan)
and that's where the nakayama masking metaphor theory (it's not even a theory but it sounds cooler this way) comes in.
nakayama is supposed to be just a man. from what we know about him, he's in his late twenties and works as an editor — and even though tsukasa makes up a whole backstory for him later on, he's still supposed to be ordinary. nothing special. he's coming nowhere near the other roles that tsukasa has played, he's not on the same level as miles, torpe and rio. and while you could possibly consider torpe and rio as rather ordinary, they still had something interesting to happen to them, the main reason why they were lead roles for their respective plays. in the tsukasa4 play, nakayama has nothing like that. he's literally just a guy, he's normal. and "normal" is a keyword here.
tsukasa did everything he could to fit into nakayama's role. he followed the script, he took the advice from a more talented and professional actor that is bakuno, he didn't do any mistakes during his preparations — and yet he still managed to mess up in the end. why?, besides of the fact that he just let himself become one with nakayama during the performance and it resulted in a supporting character outshining the lead?
if we take as a fact that tsukasa is, in fact, neurodivergent, it would make sense that he's having troubles with playing a normal person — because he's not exactly normal either. and this would very well work out as a metaphor of masking; even when you try your best, even when you mask yourself perfectly, you can still make slip-ups. you can still accidentally drop the act in middle of something that absolutely required it, or, similiar to what tsukasa did, can accidentally overdo it and end up perceived as even more weird than you'd be without masking. something something i got lost in the world and the end credits rolled. rings a bell?
and i'm not saying that tsukasa has a problem with masking, because he doesn't. he tries his best to pass as a normal member of society, but he also makes no effort in actively masking his weirdness (or else he wouldn't be a part of oddball one two). however, if you want to neurodivergent code your character, it would make sense to include a possibility of it in some way, right? especially since wxs stories' already had the theme of dealing with being perceived as weird (eg. rui's whole backstory, obviously). even if it's not affecting tsukasa directly, i think it would be cool to include something that indicates this issue's existence in his story and, in a way, his struggles.
however, as i said earlier, this is a very stupid thought and that's why i left it for the very end. i don't actually think that how tsukasa played nakayama was supposed to be a metaphor for masking, it's just a pure coincidence that it could be interpreted like that when you think about it too much.
aaand with this, we've finally come to an end!! (finally. i'm so exhausted.) i don't have anything more to say about this topic. maybe i'll retweet it with some more evidence in the future if we ever get more ADHDkasa content. for now, it would be all!
is tsukasa actually intentionally written as an ADHDer? Who Knows! there's a possibility that he is, but even if he's not, he's still one in my heart. regardless of the status of his possible neurodivergence, analyzing his behavior in this light was still very fun! and maybe i even converted someone into the ADHDkasa hell.
feel free to add something if you want to, and feel free to correct me if i got some things wrong! i still hope that even though of how messy this whole thing is written, i did tsukasa justice and didn't accidentally say too much nonsense lmao
...i hate ending analyses.
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