#but i only had her for a single term so she doesnt remember me

[unamused-kookaburra]

Nice thing of the day was I complimented a customers perfume and her face lit up, telling me what it was and where she got it before thanking me and walking away with a smile on her face.

[viennakarma]

hear me out... ending 3: secrets

she just doesn't tell him, publicise their divorce, she's disappeared off the face of the earth basically, she keeps the baby, it's a boy, looks just like him but they just never see each other again. Lewis is upset, can't cope, just keeps partying, drinking during off season, or just gym gym gym not even socialising as much, fashion declines like no longer going for all the cool different clothes and just comes in trousers and merc top.

But how does he find out? when?

Maybe she's just out living a normal life now but an old fan recognises her, she's with her brother and son, maybe they don't recognise the brother and they think she's got a new man and kid, she always wanted a kid and Lewis was never ready wanting to wait. maybe that photo gets released so lewis finds out that way. loads of rumours on twitter. maybe not directly, someone else could bring it up. Jealous then realises. He tries to contact her, doesnt work, blocked on everything. He remembers where her parents house is and visits them, eventually meets yn and their son. Then co-parenting. But like no friendly friendly just civil. She has the son, Lewis has him on free weeks. She does eventually move up cuz when her son is with lewis, she has free time for dates. Just a regular guy tho and it's all great and eventually lewis also tries moving on but like fr this time. so like eventually yn and her new bf move in together, live a happy faithful life and have another kid. while lewis maybe has just won his 8th (or 9th depending on time line) but it's not what he dreamed of, not having yn to celebrate with. But he's got his now long term gf and he proposes.

so basically to summarise, she is alone, single mom, gets exposed, Lewis finds her, civil co-parenting, yn gets a bf happy life, Lewis eventually gets a gf, happy without each other

This is a little blurb on how I imagine a third ending of Say Something would go:

You leave, right after finding out about the pregnancy, maybe somewhere far from England and Monaco. Lewis doesn’t deserve to reap what you saw after ruining your future. He doesn’t deserve you or your kid or to play happy family. You move away, maybe to a farm Australia, since you’ve always wanted a quiet life anyway. Your parents and brother accept moving in with you to help with the risky pregnancy. It’s tough, you can’t do much to risk your health and the baby’s. Soon you find out it’s a boy, you’re happy something good came out of a dumpster fire that was your relationship with him. Him, because you don’t say his name anymore, trying to leave his memory behind.

You baby boy is delivered in a difficult C-section, one your brother and parents never left your side and you felt less alone, not sharing the moment with the father of your kid. The day is happy and sunny, so you name him Helio, like the sun. Like the light in your life. You realize you’ll never fully leave his memory behind, his son being his spitting image. The same hair, the same complexion, the same nose, the same shiny brown eyes and chubby baby cheeks. And you love him so much it hurts. You realize you may have lost him, but Helio was pretty much his copy.

Following your baby’s firsts is the happiest you’ve ever felt. Saying ‘mama’ for the first time, taking his first steps, playing with animals and saying his first words. You settle in a happy routine as a single mom. After the pregnancy, your parents move back to England because they couldn’t just leave their house. Your brother stay with you and your sister move in too, after finishing college.

You try not to know about him. Last you had heard was during the pregnancy, hearing about endless parties, trips and models, that had taken a toll on you, in a way you decided to stop looking. He had a life and you had a completely different one now.

Helio goes to school, eventually. Despite feeling protective, you know you can’t deprive him of a true kindergarten experience, not only for studies, but also for his formative years and to become socially active. The first year, your sister, who has a volunteering job close to his school, is the one who picks Helio up everyday. He makes friends at school and even invite them for a birthday party at the farm. It’s one of the happiest moments for him, eating cake with friends and showing them his pets.

During his second year, though, your sister get a little sick, so she can’t pick Helio from school. And you decide to go, along with your brother. It’s a hot day, so you stop by a park to eat frozen yogurt and let Helio play a little while.

That day, someone recognised you and recorded you.

That’s how Lewis finds you. The video eventually find its way to him. The post has a silly caption ‘for everyone wondering what had happened to y/n, seems like she found a new man and started a family’. Lewis scoffs because he knows the man in the video is your brother and you are thick as thieves ever since you were kids.

You’re just as pretty as ever. Maybe a little more curvy, and hair longer, but just the same, still the most beautiful woman-

But then he pauses. He zooms in the video and see the toddler running up to you. The little boy, who makes your eyes light up as you hug him, sharing what looks like ice cream or something. And from what Lewis can imagine, the boy looks 4 or 5 years old. But there’s no denying, he looks exactly like Lewis as a baby, if he put a baby picture of him beside the boy in the video, it would be the same. It was a matter of time until some of his fans put two and two together.

That’s how Lewis ends up going to your parents’ house in England. He had gone there after the divorce, but the house was for rent and he couldn’t contact your parents of you, after cutting him off completely. Now, when he knocks, you mum is the one to open.

“Is he mine?” Is all he asks, breathing hard.

Your mom let him in, seeing his state of distress. She doesn’t lie nor sugarcoat it. She tried to convince you to let Lewis know about the kid. Helio, he muses, whispering the name of the little boy he never even met.

He goes to Australia with your mum, not even letting you know first, because your mum believed you’d run away once again.

When he makes it to the farm, you’re out in the field with Helio, you two running and playing together barefoot on the grass. He hears Helio’s laugh, yours too, and something inside him breaks. He’s seeing before his eyes the life he threw away for one stupid mistake.

As soon as you notice him, you stop laughing, holding Helio behind you, protective. You call your brother out, asking him to take Helio upstairs and not leave until you say so. Lewis just watches helplessly as your brother takes his nephew inside and Lewis couldn’t even get a closer look at his son.

“Mom, what did you do?” You say, betrayed. You mum explains everything and you invite both of them inside.

Inside, you fight, almost shouting until you remember Helio upstairs, forcing yourself to calm down. Lewis feels betrayed, you tell to his face he doesn’t deserve this life. You pull a stack of documents, asking Lewis to sign. It’s a contract saying he gives up any rights over the kid. Lewis cries.

Your mother mediates.

After what feels like hours of arguing back and forth, you accept Lewis begging to know his kid, begging to be part of his life. How could you deny your kid of a father now you couldn’t hide him behind a layer of ignorance?

You introduce father and son a couple of days later, in the presence of a child therapist, to help mediate. Helio is skittish in the beginning, but he quickly warms up to Lewis. Sometimes, he run backs to you, hugging you tightly, feeling shy. You reassure him, letting him go back to meeting his father.

“Mama, do all daddies take this long?” Helio asks that night when you’re putting him to sleep. You swallow your tears when answering.

“No, my baby. Not all of them. One day you’ll understand better, yes?”

The first time Lewis takes Helio for the day, you cry for hours, feeling like a mother bird in an empty nest. He had invited his family to a nearby city, only 40 minutes away so he could introduce Helio to them. It’s planned for them to come back by dinner time, to not disturb Helio’s routine. But they come back earlier and your baby looked like he’d been crying. Worried, you carry him inside while Lewis explains that the first few hours Helio was enjoying himself and meeting everyone, but after a while, he started crying because he ‘wanted Mama’. Selfishly, that makes your heart grow easier, because you know Helio would never forget you, and in the end of the day, he’d would always want Mama’s arms.

The first months are like torture, until you get used to Helio coming back at the end of the day. Your Helio, your baby, becomes Helio Hamilton when Lewis registers him. Lewis tries to win you over many times, with gifts, inviting you to dates, until you have a stern talk with him, telling him it wasn’t happening. That every time you were polite and respectful to him, Helio’s well being is the only thing in your mind.

Eventually, the media finds out about Helio. Lewis blatantly lies, saying he had been keeping his son’s existence a secret for his safety and privacy. People mostly respected his wishes.

You see Lewis’ family for the first time again at Helio’s fifth birthday. You thought they’d hate you for hiding their grandkid/nephew, but they treat you with the same kindness as always, and you feel just a tiny bit of guilt for hiding Helio for so long.

You realised that you had much more free time now that Helio was with Lewis half of the time. So you started going to the gym, going shopping, not only for Helio but for yourself, you went to museums, parks and eventually, dates.

One day you meet Leon, a recluse just like you. He’s a writer, living in a cottage in a close city. You hit it off, but you and him get to know each other for a whole year before you introduce him to your family, and Lewis. Your ex-husband doesn’t take it well, admitting that deep down he thought you’d go back and be a family. You tell him, he ruined that himself.

You find some resemblance of balance. With Lewis’ coming to pick Helio whenever he had free time, you weren’t friends just a cold politeness.

Lewis, whenever he had to pick Helio, he found you and Leon sitting by the porch, or horseback riding, or helping Helio with homework and school projects, he would always envy your life, the happy family he could have, but he had only himself to blame. When he finds out by Helio you’re having another baby, he swears a part of him dies forever, buried alongside your love for him, and the future he threw away. Eventually, Lewis married again, a woman who loves him, loves Helio and she even gets along with you well, and that’s all he can ask for, knowing deep down he would never love someone else the way he loved you.

PHEW! I may have gotten carried away. Thank you for your ideia, Anon! I hope this was alright!

[papirouge]

I'm the anon that sent you the message about hating the term PoC. Yeah, I pretty much agreee with everything you say. I don't believe much in POC solidarity because our struggles are very different between each other, and trying to paint everything as us vs whites does not really work. Perhaps for americans it does, since they have a very diverse population, but it's more difficult when talking about other countries.

Like latin americans do not have the best relationships between each other, they might share language but have very different cultures. Like the other day I was reading about this cartoon named "Oye primos" that was going to premiere and it was made by a second gen latina, where she looked to represent her growing up in a latin community in the USA, but she was clowned by pretty much every latino leaving outside of America. First, because the name of the cartoon is gramatically wrong (it should be "OIGAN primos, not OYE primos), second, because she used the word "LATINX", which latinos hate, and third, because she named the town the characters live in "Terremoto (Earthquake) Heights" or something like that (people though it was offensive because Mexico and Chile have suffered through a lot of earthquakes). And there's other stuff, like people saying the animation is ugly (very calart) and so on. Some people even started praising Los Casagrande, a spin off of The Loud House with a main mexican family thats not even made by latinos, but its considered far superior.

Sorry, I got a little carried away with that, what I wanted to say it's that its pretty common for latinos to kinda tear each other up, but they unite if they want to clown a "gringo" or something (and yes, they pointed out that the author basically being a 2nd gen makes her a gringa... I guess). Plus a lot of latinos dont like anything that looks "woke", and they considered that show does, so it was doomed from the start. The creator of the show felt pretty overwhelmed by the negative reception, received a lot of backlash and it apparently affected her a lot. I feel pretty bad for her actually.

And yeah, argentinians are actually pretty white, not only because a lot of italians and germans migrated there (if you ever read the names of their national soccer team, you'll notice many names are of italian origin), but because they're at the very south. Chile is also pretty white. But yeah, argentinians have always been pinned as being pretty arrogant and full of themselves, so it doesnt surprise me that they feel they're superior because their team is white. I remember that argentinians and fans of Messi in general were clowning Mbappe for allegedly being in a relationship with a transwoman, so they invented some pretty homophobic chants... soccer fans be like that

Ugh, this got so long,... I was gonna mention asians and their own issues too, but i think it's enough. I did wanted to ask you something though: is France a racist country?? How has your experience being impacted by being black?

Don't be sorry anon, I love these loooong asks where I get to know more my followers 🧡

It's pretty ironic you're talking about Asians because in one of my post where I'm talking about White conservative weaponizing minorities against each other somehow triggered A LOT of people. I even got a comment saying "put the reblogs back I have to give my perspective as someone with Asian/japanese ancestry" and I got like..... "Hm no?" LMAO This girl REALLY thought her opinion was remotely relevant when this was my perspective as Black person and I am not interested about some random Asian take on that issue. Sis really thought my post was a diss against Asians success (I mean every single person who interacted with that post had a negative IQ and entirely missed the post that's why I muted the reblogs) and got like "the cOnsErVatiVes aRe jUst acKnoLedgiNg oUr sUcCesS uwu"...... There's no wonder East Asians are looked down as White people's cucks 💀 IDK, if my community was being weaponized by racist scrotes to dogpile on other I wouldn't go uwuwhy do you mean?uwu about it. How can people have so little self awareness? ...That's why I don't believe in POC and that some communities will actually be more than willing this silence us. Sis really tried to all lives matter my take and I have no patience for that.

And soccer is brain disease tbh. Case in point : the racist Argentinians players dragging Mbappé... Which is a shame bc Messi and him seem to be very cool. Fans are the worst. I think I realized how racist these people were when they said ANTOINE GRIEZMANN (France NT player) wasn't White enough just because his mom was...... Portuguese (when his dad is German)💀

Imagine thinking this man is not White enough when them Argentians be looking like tragic mulattos themselves 💀💀 HE'S LITERALLY THE ARYAN PROTOTYPE 💀💀his name is ANTOINE. THAT'S THE WHITEST FRENCHIEST NAME EVER!! NEVER IN MY LIFE DID I MEET SOMEONE CALLED ANTOINE THAT WASN'T WHIIIIITE 💀💀💀💀

Argentinians living up their nazi heritage ; Portugal ain't white enough lmao...

What's funny with Latins is that they have this thinly veiled superiority complex with Black people.....but highkey are envious of the cultural impact of Black culture worldwide. Latin culture has a load of influence on music, but its impact is not as multifaceted as Black culture (beside music, fashion, hairstyles, make up, slang, etc.). I saw some Latins seethe about Black Panther and the hype the Black community was having from this movie, and Black twitter, in its usual shadiness got like "hmmm don't you have Rio? 🤔" LMAOOOO (it was before Encanto though)

And is France racist? hm... I mean, it's a European country 🥴🥴 but it's definitely one of the least racist one for sure. Non french netizens will do the most about how islamophobic France is, but Islam isn't a race so the problem our country has with Islam isn't much related to race. Because of colonization, France has many territories oversea where its natives are Black, so France is inherently already multiracial, and that's something that many French people acknowledge. I feel like french are more worried about culture than race (ln many aspects, I, as a Christian Black woman, have to bear much less prejudice than a Muslim male, for example). That's why our country is very defensive against Islam (which comes with a whole cultural set) rather than race.

We consider assimilation as a staple and reject self IDing communities (whether they might be sexual, racial, religious). Any stats trying to quantity race, religion or sexuality are ILLEGAL, here. That's why when I see foreign rightoids be like "France is already 25% Muslim!! #greatreplacement" I just know they are full of shit, because such stats are technically illegal...

To give you an example, France leader of the far-FAR right is a Jew...(Eric Zemmour) and a significant amount of people from North Africa/muslim are in the (far) right too.. (many of them change their names to make them sound more french/less Arab such as Jean Messiha lmao)

France itself is a mixed nation between Romans invader and Galicians (basically France indigenous) also some viking mingling in the north(?) That's why french people can be very phenotypically diverse. If you look Griezman (France North type) and Kenji Girac (Southern France type - he's also a gypsy) who are both White french while looking quite different.

Unfortunately nationalism is on the rise, there's an actual revival of neo Nazi (which is hilarious bc France has been invaded/defeated by Nazi and that actual self respecting French rightoids hate Nazism because of that 💀) so I feel like France is getting less sale for foreigners/non Whites. I think France is the best place to live in Europe if you're afraid of racism but yeah, it's getting quite heated here....

[idkman-fish]

Warning! this is a vent, if you cant handle it please skip this post. I just really need to get this out.

TW// transphobia.

I've realized that I'm just not safe in my household. I've had the conversation of trying to understand my brother and my mom's perspective on it and explain my own and trying to explain things.

and it just didnt work. My mom straight up admitted her transphobia through saying "You're a girl" though saying she can handle nonbinary. and I still want to fucking cry.

AND I CANT EVEN FUCKING LEAVE BECAUSE IM 16 AND DISABLED. I'm scared of my own shadow, i cant be on my feet for too long due to my pes plantus so even if i wanted to run away or get a job I wouldnt last long, I also have trouble remembering things too, ontop of that with the fact of being autistic + MY FUCKING EYESIGHT i wont be able to drive because without my glasses my vision is blurry + my left eye i can barely see out of and with my depth perception being shit also it wouldnt work.

and thats just the scope of things I already know, because even if those things were lessened, I still have a problem of soon due to me going to be on disability for a purchase I have to tell my mom first. she'll basically be controlling my fucking income.

And no im not saying im abused or going to be abused, but this fucking sucks knowing i wont be free of this for years. I'm going to be stuck in a household for years with the fact I literally wont be able to control making my own business(or well selling art and game stuff).

i dont know what I'm going to do and the only two people i can ever talk to is one of my mom's friends who i cant vent to a lot because she has her own problems, but shes probably one of the most accepting people i know irl, she still uses she/her on me, but she actually tries and has used 'them' to talk about me. And then theres a psychologist lady, she is a bit confused and doesnt call me what i want to be called, but she listens and yet the last visit with her, guess what? i didnt even get to speak a second in private with her, not a single thing about my hallucinations and shit, nor the fact i wanted to fully come out to her as by this point I am a trans guy, straight up thats it.(my gender is much more complicated than that, but thats just simple terms)

i just really dont know what to do anymore because i know im not going to be safe if i come out as dating someone or coming out again with my gender stuff.

[taketheringtolohac]

domesticity meme w/ leacheddie??

oh... THE married people... yeah ok here we go

big spoon/little spoon: leach obviously. she's 6'9 eddie is like, normal people height

favorite non-sexual activity: driving. they race down the highway. this is not safe. when they race eddie usually flies. but also they DO ride together on leach's motorcycle

who uses all the hot water: yeah that's also leach but she doesnt shower THAT often (lich things) so its usually not that much of a problem

most trivial thing they fight over: whether or not its healthy to drink mountain dew all the time. this USED to be a fight about monster energy, but eddie won that one too many times and now she only drinks monster for special occasions (or when she's upset. or when he can't see her)

who does most of the cleaning: eddie definitely does, he loves his wife but she is really not the cleanest person by FAR. not that he minds that much

what has a season pass on their dvr/who controls the netflix queue: neither they pirate. but in terms of picking movies and stuff eddie because leach insists that she doesn't care but really she just wants to hear him talk about the things that he likes

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: if they don't call hewitt first, it's eddie but only because last time leach did it she almost got sued

who steals the blankets: eddie <3 he is small (in comparison) but he likes to be cozy <3

who leaves their stuff around: honestly? both of them. like, leach obviously but shes just like that EVERYWHERE. eddie is the one who actively gets things lost and she has to help him find it

who remembers to buy the milk: yeah also ed i mean im sure leach tries sometimes but she shows up with like... milk from 7/11...

who remembers anniversaries: LEACH. she might not look it but shes the biggest sap she never gets up early but she ALWAYS does on their anniversary. every single one of them. and theres a LOT of anniversaries bc theyre the type of couple that celebrates like, the day they fist kissed the day they had their first date their engagement etc etc

Who cooks normally? Eddie because last time leach tried to cook lets just say. it did not end well. he said it tasted good anyways and he genuinely believed it at the time. the power of love? i guess?

How often do they fight? almost never. when they do its resolved pretty quickly only because they seem to communicate silently since they've been doing this for like, forever

What do they do when they’re away from each other? Eddie embroiders and other stitch craft type things, Leach just sort of. hangs around empty places and fucks around for fun which gives her a Reputation around kc

Nicknames for each other? leach calls him Ed, but other than that not really

Who is more likely to pay for dinner? Eddie because if leach had her way they'd dine and dash every time after slipping cash to the waiter

What would they get each other for gifts? both things that are deeply personal and meaningful that they hold onto forever and reference things that have happened to them in their many lives and also like. here's a craft i made at the kids center and an acorn that reminded me of you. these also all get saved.

Who kissed who first? eddie <3 leach mightve done everything else first but he beat her to this one

Who remembers things? eddie usually but for some VERY specific things leach's mind is like a steel trap

Who started the relationship? leach but like, eddie didn't realize they were dating for WEEKS.

Who cusses more? leach obviously. but eddie curses WAY more than people expect him to

What would they do if the other was hurt? well. eddie dies in canon. i wrote a whole fic about that. but on a more minor scale leach fusses over him to no end, eddie does it too but WAY less than she does when he's hurt

Send me a pairing and i'll do this thing for them!

[bronan]

Can you do Agura for the character game? 🥺 Loving all these asks!

YES also I'm glad you're enjoying them because I sure am having fun doing them

send me a character and i’ll list:

favorite thing about them - I love Agura for all of her strengths and weaknesses. She’s the only girl on this haphazard team of unruly boys and you never get the impression that she’s struggling or forcing herself to fit in with them. She steps right in as the much-needed right hand to Vert, she keeps everyone else in line, she rallies the team in Vert’s stead when they need to focus, she’s the big sister when you need it. On the flipside, she gets frustrated, angry, and fed up, but she never lets her feelings own her and she always comes out on top and stronger for it. She’s the kind of person you really want as your right hand, someone who will be real with you and isn’t afraid to grow, too. I really, really love all of the characters in bf5 because they felt so human and Agura is really up there in that regard. Outside of loving her as an individual, I love how she interacts with the team. She can be stern but you have to with these guys. She can also be fun, and understanding. She struggles with wanting to be in control of her life and her actions and doesn’t want anyone to ever take that away from her. I think she acts cool and composed most of the time but has anxiety about being in control, and it was really cool to see her actively struggle with that in the show. She’s far from perfect and that’s probably what I love the most about Agura.

least favorite thing about them - This isn’t anything I dislike about Agura it’s just something I wish I’d gotten from the show. I really wish we’d had a big moment where Agura was leader. I know she’s stepped in for Vert before, but it would have been cool to let her have her moment of just epic leadership, maybe Vert was down for a couple episodes or something and she had to take up leadership and come to grips with the reality that Vert wasn’t there to back her up at that moment. With a lot on the line, watching her maybe fumble, pick herself up, and also pick the team up would just be awesome. And to piggyback, Stanford breezing in line as the second-in-command in that moment?? YEAH BABY

favorite line - god idk why I can’t remember ANY lines from the show ever. I only remembered Simon’s line because I watched that episode recently and it’s burned into my memory. After I post this I’ll remember something, just watch. 😒

brOTP - agura/spinner, she basically designated him Little Brother and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. I love their dynamic, I love seeing Spinner work himself into a lather trying to get to her and Agura’s just like “I have SO many brothers you are going to lose this fight every single time” and Sherman’s just like yep lol.  - agura/sherman as well, I mean.. if she’s hanging out with Spinner, there is a good chance she is also hanging out with Sherman. And I’m sure she loves to hang with both of them at the same time, but I think there are times where Agura seeks out Sherman, only, maybe when she needs someone who understands her. I could see her just hanging out like, near Sherman while he works on something and maybe she’s playing on her phone or reading or something and Sherman’s just happily working away at whatever he’s doing but knows not to bug her unless she speaks up first. You know it’s like that thing cats do. I think Tezz does it too. Anyway Sherman did you know you are actually so calming - agura/vert I know I talked about it on the vert one but what if you didn’t see that one what then. In my eyes they’re equals on the team in terms of leadership, basically if either one gives an order you listen, lol. Vert doesnt need to be absent for Agura to step in and I think he super duper appreciates that and trusts her a lot. Outside of battlezones I can see them just being content to chill together and hang out because they’re both pretty relaxed for the most part. I headcanon Vert as an only child so I think Agura basically pulling him in as a brother would make him really happy, he’s not used to having siblings and he gets this sense of found family within the team and has this really strong bond with Agura especially. He’s used to being the leader and needing to uphold that position with the team, but with just Agura around maybe he can chillax a bit more and not have to worry about being such a good role model, lol. 

OTP - I believe in grace/agura supremacy 🙏 We didn’t get to see much of grace’s personality but well what else was I put on this earth to do except take side characters and do whatever the hell I want with them. I think that Grace pursues Agura because Agura has NO game and is, in fact, mega awkward when that cute girl at the diner is paying a lot of attention to her. wow weird agura weird. 🤨 Grace got tired of all these men trying to win her hand in marriage or whatever she is going to be the one to chase Agura and Agura is gonna get CAUGHT baby. Grace loves the hunt I know she does. I bet Agura stays late at the diner one night and helps Grace move some stuff around like it’s no big deal and Grace is like “wow agura you are SO strong” and feels her arm muscle and Agura’s just  😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 god it’s so cute I can’t

nOTP - hmm.. you know, I don’t think I really have any I feel that strongly about to call it a nOTP. I only really ship her with Grace, though.

random headcanon - Agura is confident, cool, outgoing, and strong but when she’s faced with a very very cute girl who is hitting on her, she becomes a stuttering mess. Girl has NO game. I know I said it above but I gotta drive this home like she is SO bad at actually flirting. It’s adorable as hell and Grace 100% does things on purpose to get her all flustered. Girl... - Agura misses her family a looooot like a lot a lot but the bf5 reminds her of her siblings and it makes her feel at home and comfortable there. She gravitates toward people like Sherman and Vert when she’s feeling upset, because they tend to read her social cues better than others and will let her hang without bothering her or making it worse.

unpopular opinion - I don’t know if I have any...

song i associate with them - Control by Zoe Wees makes me think of her

favorite picture of them

honestly agura...mood

[chidoroki]

TPN ch181

(spoilers! AAAHHhhaha..my children!)

Okay, so remember in my last review when I said I was impressed how Ray, Gilda and Phil managed to narrow down where Emma might be in the matter of a couple months? Well, I take it back because it hasnt been just a few months, it's been two damn years! Oh my god, I can't imagine how hard it must've been for everyone, especially our two boys, to search for so long without even getting on single clue about Emma's whereabouts. Some of the children still doubt whether she's alive or actually in this world with them or not.

(image limit, so imagine the panels of the Goldy Pond kids discussing the lack of clues and Thoma and Lani doubting the reward again)

Thankfully, Gilda gets the idea to search in forbidden zones which is where we see her, Ray and Phil. Speaking of which, oh my poor boy. This is the longest Ray has been without Emma by his side. I thought the one month after Goldy Pond was hard enough on him, but two whole years? Damn, I can't imagine the stress and anxiety he's been experiencing. He's still so frustrated too and gets so close to Emma without even realizing it. Then, surprisingly, his beloved family steps in to help? The people he personally couldn't save now come together to help him save the one person who originally saved his life. Like, hello?? I love this! Conny, who was another sibling he had to use in order to put his initial escape plan in motion to save Emma and Norman's lives, is now assisting him in saving Emma from being alone. Yuugo, who knows firsthand how important Emma is to Ray and how close they are. Isabella, knowing her son kept his promise as he's always set out to do whatever it takes to protect his entire family. The fact that Ray's lost family members can feel how strong his bond with Emma is and they jump in to help reconnect the two of them again.. just, wow. It may be all the rayemma week feels getting to me but that's like a damn soulmate occurrence if i ever saw one!

The two unknowingly pass each other again but thanks to Emma conveniently losing her necklace and finding it with perfect timing, they all finally encounter each other. Everyone expresses their complete shock and relief that they had finally found Emma, and while I am happy they their search ended up a success, the mood changes fairly quickly due to our girls lost memories. She hasnt the slightest idea who "Emma" is, who these people are or why they're so excited to see her. The kids wonder if they have the right girl, as they take notice of Emma's bare neck.

One look at the necklace in her hand though and Ray finally puts the pieces together. Honestly, I'm not at all surprised he's the one to figure out the true reward, as Ray has been very perceptive since the beginning. He's also always been openly honest and blunt when things get serious, so naturally he's the one who has to let everyone know this because while it's a sad truth no one wants to hear, or even believe, they all need to realize it, including Emma. Even Ray has trouble coming to terms with the sacrifice Emma made. He understands how hard it must have been for Emma to accept the heavy price of her forgetting the family she loves so deeply and he looks so broken when he realizes that. He must be feeling so guilty that he couldn't have been there with her when she made the new promise. He still puts the blame on himself and he's so upset that his failure lead Emma to live in a world alone without the family she cares for more than anything.

I wasn't too satisfied last chapter when demon god told us the real reward and Emma's response was a simple "okay," so I'm grateful we learned more about the conversation now in this chapter. She really did want to live her family. She even knew some of them might get mad at her for keeping a secret. She says it's a selfish request, for her to place such a heavy burden on herself, but what mattered to her back then upon accepting the reward is what has always mattered to her, and that's her family's happiness and safety. It wasn't just her loved one either, but for all the demons and cattle children. This girl truly has a heart of gold and demon god himself is left surprised. Of course I wish she didn't think she was being selfish since everyone did agree to follow her as their leader but aahh.. my poor girl.

Spoiling the very end now, but we dont get one last fullscore trio hug. Of course that upsets me since I thought it would've made such a perfect ending, but it makes sense now given how everyone's reunion with Emma happened. While their happiness and relief is completely understandable after searching two years and finally finding Emma, they overreact and this visibly freaks her out. Come on guys, last time I said to gently remind her of her past, not bombard her right away. Having a ton of strangers surround you and tell you such outlandish things is quite jarring. I'm glad she takes the chance to listen to everyone, but she just doesnt know these people well enough to suddenly hug them. I imagined a hug would've happened upon her recalling some of her memories somehow and feeling relived that she met the two boys she often once dreamt about, but oh well.

Norman takes this time to step in and ease some of the tension, saying how happy he is that Emma's alive and even reiterating some of the things he said to her during his shipment scene. While this chapter soon shows how well the escapees have adapted to the human world and changed, it also puts an emphasis on the boy's true personalities that they showed since the very beginning. I've already mentioned above how Ray stayed true to himself, about him being open and honest to the others with the truth and even his own feelings. With Norman, I don't know the word for him really, but his speech about their family and his feelings remind me of ch1/ep1 where we see him trying to calm Emma down after seeing what they did at the gate. He stayed by her side and remained hopeful even though he was just as scared. Right now, I get the same vibes. He's just as upset as their family upon learning Emma lost her memories, but he still wants her to be apart of their family.

Although it seems like a very rushed way of tying up loose ends, I'm happy to hear about how well the children have been adapting in the human world. They're attending school and following their passions. They all look so happy! The entire Lambda crew is healthy and Cislo even has a prosthetic leg! The medicine made from Adam's dna was successful and also helped those children from the mass production farms. Mike Ratri and the clan are actually being helpful and trustworthy. I absolutely love Norman's comment about Ayshe not killing him! It really makes me smile and I assume that means she's forgiven him.. maybe. Her dogs were indeed able to cross over to the human world too and now there's even more! Chris is finally awake! They seriously have to fill the poor boy in on so much news though.

I get it. It took the entire story for me to understand but now I get Norman's intense feelings. He's been infatuated by this girl since childhood. He told us/Ray his feelings at age 11 then "gave his life" to give her a better chance at survival. He kept living just for the slight possibly to see her again. After almost two years, they reunite, only for about a week or two before they all cross over into the human world and Emma is no where to be seen. Another two years pass and while they all find her, she's almost a completely difference person. Yet Norman's feelings remain so sincere for her that he accepts this new Emma. He lets her know that the bright future she wished for came true. (me? speaking of noremma? even im surprised)

Her head might not have the slightest idea who these people are, but her heart surely remembers! Emma's feelings for her family were so strong that they persisted throughout these entire two years, even after she stopped having those dreams about them. Deep down, and without even realizing it, she loves them so much that it makes her cry.

“Why am I... Even though I don't know them. Though I don't know anything. Though I can't remember. Why... Does it feel warm, but also so painful in my heart? I wanted to see you.”

Seeing everyone else get emotional and expressing their feelings to her right back and having all of them accept this new Emma.. yeah, that has me in tears! Demon god truly underestimated these kids and how deep their love for each other went. Emma's family was never going to give up looking for her because, thanks to her influence, they also didn't believe anything was impossible. “Screw destiny” indeed! (also we never did learn the old dude's name or Emma's new one hm? odd.)

Did Emma get her memories back? No. Did Ray pat her head again so I could die from nostalgia? No, because I'm still here. Did we get a fullscore hug like I originally hoped? No, sadly. The ending isn't picture perfect but honestly, this is still okay. Our precious girl is finally reunited with her family again. Most importantly, they're alive. The trio are teenagers about 15/16 years old now, which amazing since they once believed they wouldn't see a day past the age of 12. Yet here they are, living happy and free in the human world without fear and killing, which is exactly what Emma wished for.

I can't believe the manga is truly finished. It feels like it all went by so quick, but perhaps that's only because I haven't been in the fandom as long as others, like if you've been here since the manga started then I applaud you and can't imagine how sad this must be after four years. The anime is what caught my attention and my love for this series only grew when I jumped into the manga right after season one ended. I must have binged all available chapters at the time in like three days, all the way up to ch129. Since then I've waited patiently week after week to see how this suspenseful story would pan out for out lovable and very large cast of characters. Each new twist and cliffhanger made my brain crazy and stressed me out but it was so great to experience them with everyone.

Also, big thanks to all of you who share your comments on these reviews of mine! Even though I started writing them pretty late into the story and at the most stressful time, it was great to hear so much feedback and experience the exciting finish with everyone. The manga may have ended, but don't let that make the fandom quiet! We still have future manga volume releases to look forward to, the live-action movie that is still set for this December along with a live-action series that was also recently announced. Most importantly, season two of the anime is still scheduled for January 2021! You can bet I'll do reactions for each episode as I normally do with other anime! The series still has so much more content to give us, especially if the anime continues to recieve future seasons over the upcoming years, so of course I'll give my thoughts on all that I can.

I give all my thanks and appreciation to Shirai & Demizu for such a wonderful and suspenseful story, for all the memorable characters and the stunning artwork. The series has truly become my favorite. That's right, I said it! My favorite. TPN has taken over Black Lagoon as my favorite series. (Revy can still keep her spot as my favorite character but I'll be damned if Ray isn't a really really close second.)

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

[davethot]

Aysha is homophobic but more so in the realm of being lesbophobic. Remember that she completely removed all Rosemary interactions from Pesterquest for more Davekat, decided to push for Yiffy the cuckhold child to be forced into the narrative during Lesbian Visibility Day and has made sure to demean any positive Rosemary interactions in lieu of Davekat which she is solely invested in. Her being transphobic more relates to her poor handling of Jade (dog dicked sex fiend isn't good transfem rep)

You do realize you sound fucking insane right???? This is literally what I’m fucking talking about when I mentioned people in my og post about hs2 pointing fingers and giving someone a really harsh label such as LESBOPHOBIC because they didnt quite handle a lesbian couple EXACTLY how you would have.

First of all i want to mention that Aysha is non-binary poc and is married to a woman. This doesnt exempt her from possibly writing some shitty things, but its good to have perspective here. Shes not some cishet white person writing these characters.

So are you going to ignore the literal thousands of pages of the original comic where we had a PLETHORA of Rosemary interactions??? And absolutely no davekat? And if you remember Kanaya was still having hang ups with Vriska, so it only made sense that that was explored a bit in Pesterquest rather than jumping straight to Rose and Kanaya cuddling on a couch and spewing gay poetics at each other. Like I genuinely dont know what you fucking want.

Also i would like to point out that romance wasnt even the fucking focus of Pesterquest. Dave and Karkat’s interactions were barely anything more than characters mentioning them and them being in the same place together for one single ending and mspar implying that they had a feeling they were supposed to be good friends. Tbh it sounds like you and the people who often have this complaint are way more fucking obsessed with what’s going on with Davekat than Aysha or the rest of the team will ever be. Maybe you should redirect your efforts into creating more wlw content for Homestuck since you think the new team is so lesbophobic for portraying two grown ass women having some marital problems (and acting like that cant happen in the real world with real people literally every day).

You and tons of other people fucking love to point to Kanaya and Rose’s issues in hs2 and preach that it’s suddenly lesbophobic that theyre not happy go lucky 24/7. Again, Davekat didnt even fucking happen in the og comic. We had one flash where Dave rests his head on Karkat’s lap and they’re playing hopscotch on a poorly drawn dick on the ground, meanwhile Rose and Kanaya had comfortably been together for Awhile at that point. I just don’t understand how Dave and Karkat finally having a semi-functional and happy relationship in hs2 is promoting lesbophobia. Also we didnt even get to see the comic FINISH!! We dont KNOW what exactly was going to happen with Rose and Kanaya, and we arent going to for a long fucking time because it’s people like you who are perpetuating this narrative of the team and that theyre horrible awful people because they did two fucking things you dont agree with. It’s honestly fucking exhausting. And you know I can throw this right back at you right? Like, pretty homophobic of you to only be focusing on wlw ships and invalidating Davekat, one of the only healthy relationships PERIOD in Homestuck, not just a healthy mlm relationship. Like, pretty shitty of you anon :/ kind of homophobic of you fr.

And this isnt even mentioning the genuinely nice interactions we have seen with Kanaya and Rose in Homestuck 2. Everyone’s really fucking eager to forget that in meat Kanaya was wistfully looking out at the stars missing her wife and told Dave she’d do anything to get her back, esp since it’s implied that Rose was being manipulated pretty heavily by Dirk. But no, according to yall that never happened and Aysha + the rest of the team are just spitting on all wlw folks.

Also again I feel like youre coming to insane conclusions. You think it was a purposeful move that Aysha and the team introduced Yiffy on lesbian visibility day??? Like???? Also pretty lesbophobic of you to invalidate a child born from two women. Like hm pretty shitty of you anon. Rose and Jade explained why they did what they did, and tbh, again, we could have had more information if people like you didnt indirectly harass the creators and cause it to go on indefinite hiatus.

As for the Jade dog dick thing, I have multiple friends who are trans women who have issues with people blowing it out of proportion. Its important to remember that every trans woman is going to have a different opinion on this, and we shouldnt invalidate any of them, but at the same time what one trans woman says about it isnt the end all be all of the situation. Some trans women think this portrayal is transphobic, while plenty others think it isnt, and that people are making way too big of a deal out of it. Therefore I’m going to leave it at that. Personally I dont know if how Aysha and the team wrote Jade is transphobic and its not for me to decide. However, my trans friend would like to be quoted saying this:

“People claiming that the writers intended for Jade’s dick to be the driving force in her emotional and sexul appetite shows someone’s willingness to ignore Jade’s actual reasons for doing these things that she STATES in the actual text. All in favor of projecting their own transmisogynist reading onto the writers.”

This probably ended up being longer than my og post lmfao but fr anon im sick of people like you. Even if you didnt directly contact the creators of hs2, you’re literally the problem here. I wish you and others would stop throwing around these terms like lesbophobic, homophobic, transphobic, etc, because it literally makes those words lose meaning. Someone writing a lesbian couple having marital problems, especially in the context of Homestuck, is not fucking lesbophobic. And i hope i helped you understand that by throwing the terms back at you because tbh, im sure youre a good person with good intentions, and I would never seriously call you homophobic for this. But i hope you can have some fucking perspective and stop targeting marginalized authors and creators moving forward. Its embarrassing fr.

[sneezy-cheeseloaf]

recounting the entire avengers: endgame movie, which i only saw once when it came out, from memory

because i just took the SAT and i want to do anything except think about that so get ready for a fun ride full of holes and my reenactments of scenes and quotes that i remember from however many years it’s been now since endgame came out. buckle the fuckle up

movie opens, clint’s whole ass family fucking dies. cue killing spree fueled by grief and anger. HashTag Relatable

tony is floating through space with nebula and teaching her how to play paper football

holy shit is this how tony dies

“pep” ouc h

oh hey he’s home, dope

The Gang (tm) learns where thanos’s farm is somehow i can’t really remember

“perhaps i judged you too harshly”

“???? thor????” “what? i went for the head”

“five” five what?? days?? weeks??? months???? oh boy i can’t wait to find ou- “years later” HUH???????

steve looks the exact same, so i guess he kept up that workout schedule even through the snap. i mean good for him honestly

and is also running a talk therapy group like sam did

a single smidgen of gay representation but it’s a good start ig

i don’t really remember what everyone else was doing, i just know that tony and pep have morgan now but idk if that gets revealed now or later

the only reason we had a movie is because of a rat. everyone say thank you to Rat for releasing scott lang, please. round of applause

scott’s daughter is all grown up and catch me sobbing over the fact that he wasn’t there to see it

somewhere in here nat is crying and eating a sandwich and honestly girl same

“hey!!! it’s me!!!! scott lang!!! ant man???? also what the hell happened???? lemme IN”

cue scott lang having a single brain cell and bringing up time travel. i think it was him that proposed the idea. maybe not. but imma give him credit

oh yeah bruce and hulk are besties now and bruce is just permanently Like That

and cue everyone being shook at the idea of time travel

time to go see Science Man at his house on the lake

“i wish you had come for anything else.” ouch

gang leaves dejectedly

peter. that’s it. and suddenly tony is all hands on deck

cue science mumbo jumbo in the middle of the night while he eats something out of a bag that i can’t remember

“shit!!” “sHiT!!!” “NO”

“i love you 3000″

Science Man reveals that he has, indeed cracked the code to literal time travel

cue nat, the only person with an umbrella, going to find clint who is busy with murder, as he does

“don’t do that. don’t give me home” stfu budapest man and get in the car.

thor has. enlargened. and is now playing fortnight with korg as a means to cope with what happened plus losing loki, as i think we all would

The Gang is back together and working (surprisingly) coordinately and throwing ideas around and it’s actually very cute. and it makes my heart very happy. and i want to cry every time i think about it because we all know what comes next

scott’s taco gets blown away. bruce gives him another. all is well in the world

and in this exhibit we see the only brain cell in the whole group, which is being used by rhodey at all times

“why don’t we just,,,, (choking motion)” “to a BABY???”

during the time tests someone gets reverted to a baby but i don’t remember who and it’s highkey disturbing

“i consider this an absolute win!!”

cue slo mo walk with the cool white time suits that everyone looks so good in

“see you in a minute” that smile. she looks so happy. sobbing

i think it’s in here that all the color go through steve’s eyes, so let’s just take a minute to acknowledge how pretty he is

“just for the record, that suit did nothing for your ass.” “i don’t remember asking you to look”

“that’s america’s ass.” yes it is scott you’re absolutely right

“i cOuLd dO tHiS aLL dAy” “yeah i knoOoOW”

time for tony to give tony a heart attack and then just stare in what i can only assume is amusement. i’m pretty sure that comes after america’s ass but maybe not

somewhere in here steve is just staring at peggy through blinds and it’s sad when you see it but when you think about it afterwards, it’s so funny for no reason

time to get whacked by a very angry hulk who was not allowed to use the elevator

“NO STAIRS”

tony goes flying. so does the tesseract. loki, in handcuffs, is like “oh bet this is mine now” and. Leaves.

i’m pretty sure it’s bruce who goes and gets schooled by The Ancient One on the multiverse, and i say it’s bruce because i think he’s the only one out of The Gang who could ever actually wrap his head around it

i don’t remember exactly how they get the tesseract but they do

thor and rocket are in asgard and thor has a panic attack, as I think we all would if we had to talk to our dead mother and pretend like we don't know what's going to happen

and remember kids, slapping someone is not the way to handle a panic attack. anyways

a mother always knows

"i'm still worthy!!!!" you always were, thor. you never stopped being worthy

and we have our hammer back

cue sobbing on vormir

“clint. it’s ok. it’s ok.” that smile.

nat’s fucking dead and i’m fucking dead inside let’s keep this party goin

other stones are recovered and i don’t really remember how but hey we got all six

“where’s nat?” cue more sobbing from me and from clint as you can see each and every team member’s heart drop to the fucking floor. especially steve

yeah maybe we’re doing this for half the universe and all the people we lost, but mostly for nat now

tony’s makeshift infinity gauntlet has entered the chat

Green Man is the only one who can physically take the power of the stones, so the fate of literally everything they have ever done up to this point is on him

snap rest in peace bruce’s arm

cue every single person in the theater holding their breath

“guys. it worked.”

cue explosion as their facility gets bombed and i am terrified that it has killed the entire gang

but it obviously has not and i am once again a Class A Idiot

i can't remember if it’s steve or tony who wakes up first but one shakes the other awake and is like “get the fuck up bitch idk what just happened but we got a problem”

everyone is mostly fine. but they’re all alive and that’s what matters

and now we have the setting for the entire rest of the movie basically

oh hey thanos. that’s uh. that’s a big army you got there

i don’t really remember everything that happened with The Past thanos, gamora, and nebula but i remember that gamora once again sees what a twat her adoptive father is and is like “oh hell na”

cue the gang fighting for their lives against Past thanos. literally

oh shit thor’s about to be killed????

OH MY GOD HE HAS THE HAMMER

cue the theater screaming as they should

hell yeah. bonk that giant space grape with the god of thunder’s hammer. you go steve. and look like a badass doing it as you should

shit’s still fucked and they eventually get their asses handed to them one by one

somewhere in here the shield breaks just like we saw in age of ultron. and like damn bro i liked that thing

steve stands up by himself because bitch. you cant kill him unless he says so. he dies on his own terms. he didn’t live for over a fucking century to die like this

our mans is standing up against a whole ass army knowing full well that he can’t win but damn if he aint ready to try

“ok listen strange. you have to open the portal to his left. his LEFT. you hear me???”

“steve. STEVE. on your left.”

cue the most goosebump-inducing scene that i have ever seen and probably will ever see. i would do anything to see that scene for the first time again. that feeling was like nothing i’ve ever experienced

the amazing symphonics are NOT helping my already-about-to-explode-from-excitement heart

now the gang’s ALL here. and we all cry because all of our peeps are back from the dead and we all missed them and highkey grieved for them after infinity war

i can’t remember if steve actually sees bucky yet but i think he does and i wanted to cry on the spot because not only did i miss bucky but man did i just want them to see each other again

cue sick pan of the whole ass marvel roster like smash ultimate, including howard duck somewhere in there

PETER OUR BOY SWINGIN ON IN

“AVENGERS. assemble.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

but we all know damn well that not a single person could hear him whisper that shit. like steve bro speak up a little

and the battle for the ages commences

we get to see all our favorite boys are girls fuck shit up and it’s absolutely incredible. wow it really feels like someone’s missing who could that be.

this is now a very elaborate game of keepaway

“catch” “Catch” “CATCH “CATCH”

“hey queens” he remembered. catch me cryin

“hey peter. got somethin for me?” god i love her. flew through a whole ass spaceship. no stoppin her

t'challa remembers clint's name. he did care

oh yeah scott is fucking humongous again, but third time’s the charm ig. maybe he won't pass the fuck out this time

somewhere in here, strange starts holding like. an entire ocean back and i dont really remember where it came from

we get a whole segment of marvel women kicking ass and taking names and i think i just need to take a minute. WE collectively need to take a minute

carol flies straight through a spaceship and everyone is like ???? hello????? where have you been?????????

carol gets literally headbutted by thanos and doesnt move a fucking inch. and that look of murder in her eyes. she could tell me to walk into a pit of lava and i would not question it. the power

“launch the missiles!!!” “but sir, our army-” “DO IT”

damn thanos our expectations for you were low but holy fuck

somewhere in here i think petter quill sees Past gamora and is like gamora???? and she like kicks him in the balls or somethin and is like “this is the ones i picked?????”

the fight continues and honestly a lot of it’s a blur but damn was it not the coolest thing i’ve ever seen. 

cue strange knowing exactly how this was gonna go down, and holding up a single finger

i dont think ive ever seen that look on tony's face before

oh shit thanos has the gauntlet and all the stones. fuck.

wait holdup that gauntlet looks a little funky

WAIT HOLDUP

“i am inevitable”

“and i. am iron man.”

the theater, once again holds its breath

all is lowkey calm and everyone is shook

thanos’s entire army slowly fades away. including one of those big worm things that almost eats (i think it was) rocket but like. dusts right as it hits the ground and is a really cool shot

and thanos sits down on a rock. and finally is gone. and it's so cathartic

oh joyous day!! they’ve won!! they’ve done it!!! wait holdup where’s tony. i remember what happened to bruce where the fuck is tony

wait

wait hold on

wait hold on a minute

“we did it. we won, mr stark. we won. please, mr stark”

“pep.”

“it’s ok. you can rest. you can rest.”

i have officially passed away and am a sobbing mess. you can’t do this to me. he’s gonna come back. there’s no way. tony stark doesn’t die. no.

this is a fucking funeral. i am going to combust into tears

“proof that tony stark has a heart”

i just wanted him to be able to see morgan grow up.

but him and nat are eating shawarma together in the sky now.

“i’m recording this in case something goes wrong, which it won’t.”

“i love you 3000.”

oh we’re still rolling. oh we don’t even get a minute to process

steve is leaving??? wait holdup we cant lose both. no

“are you sure about this?” “i have to”

“i’m with you til the end of the line” so that was a fucking lie

but steve deserves to do what makes him happy. so i can’t be too mad. actually, nah i aint even mad i’m just sad

bucky looks so dejected. so sad. someone please give him a hug. he desperately needs it

oh hey steve. but you’re old now. hey then, grandpa. how did you. get there

buck and sam go talk to him as they should

“you wanna talk about her?” “no, i don’t think i will”

“how does it feel?” “like it belongs to someone else”

sam has officially inhered the shield, and by extension, his very own bucky barnes. it’s a packaged deal

clint’s got his family back. and they can finally finish their picnic or whatever they were doing at the beginning of the movies

and steve finally got that dance. finally. and he looks so happy. so content.

and that’s about all i remember

i have not watched endgame since i saw it in theaters when it came out because i absolutely do not have the emotional stability to do it again. but damn the disney plus shows have been bangin

i hope you enjoyed the ride, thank you for joining me in my. whatever the fuck this is

[hello-yue-here]

time for another installation of “my life and stories ive been told that ive decided to translate into atla content” enjoy.

one of my parents first dates was to see titanic in theatres.

it was a crowded movie theatre and they were in the middle of the middle row. they were surrounded on all sides.

my dad, the dumbass that he is, decides to buy an extra large soda. he finished it by the time jack stops rose from jumping off the boat. that is fairly early in the film.

titanic is a boat.

boats are in water.

a majority of this film has water EVERYWHERE.

so let’s just say my dad was about to piss in his fucking pants.

he tried to leave quietly but a) the theatre was packed b) hes a literally giant and c) the second he stood up he was yelled at to sit down.

my mom swears that there were tears in his eyes by the time the film ended and she had no idea if it was from the movie itself or the fact that he needed to pee so fucking badly.

the movie ends. he sprints to the bathroom. the line is out the door. he waits in agony.

he finally makes it to the bathroom. the only thing open is the stall for people who use wheelchairs/other disabilities. he said he felt bad for using it when someone else couldve possibly needed it but in the moment all he could think of was not pissing his pants.

my mom says she waited for 10 minutes for him to leave the bathroom.

he says he could hear other men laughing at him in the bathroom because of how long he was taking. they cheered for him when he came out.

my mom dies laughing every time she tells this story and my dad always retaliates by telling the story of the time they went to see saving private ryan also fairly early into their relationship.

the theatre was dead quiet and this one character is walking up like a hill or something (ive seen the movie but i barely remember it) towards german soldiers but doesnt shoot.

my mother. the sweet lady that she is. the one who scolds me for saying words like ‘hate’ and ‘sucks’ and every single curse word ever, yells: “KILL HIM YOU PISSANT!”

she did not realize that she had said this out loud until the people in front of her turned around. she was mortified. my dad says he was stunned because he never knew my mother had such violent thoughts.

anyways the reason im telling you guys this is because this is 100% kataang in my opinion. every time they the stories to their kids it gets more and more detailed and they laugh harder and harder. katara now always yells ‘kill him you pissant’ during that scene. aang refuses to watch titanic or drink anything at the movies now. they live happily ever after.

if you read all of this: oh my god why? u had the attention span? good for you mate i wrote it and i cant even read the whole thing now.

EDIT: i changed the wors h/ndicap to “stall for people who use wheelchairs/have other disabilities” because when researching for a fic im writing i found that that term isnt used anymore so i decided to change it. sorry !!

[la5t-res0rt]

Okay but it literally, LEGALLY, isn't classified as sim cp. You don't have to look at it if you want. And none of those things on that list are okay: antis shouldn't be sending death threats, babes shouldn't be either. Name calling is also out of the window because its childish and stupid. And making fun of people or invalidating their identities is wrong too. But I dlnt think you understand that /both/ sides do all that. You cant sit here and have a double standard like that.

oh i understand perfectly well

i just dont think you do

yeah the behavior in both sides can be pretty crummy but if you literally think that people shouldnt be called out for tolerating this sort of behavior that is literally harmful to so many people myself fucking included like oh fuck would i have loved to have never had to look at the content but its all the fuck over the place and so many of the shippers are so fucking entitled and so conceited that they are actively ASKING for it that one chicks ask box is a fucking taunt she lives for the attention good or bad

at this point I have a side that i favor because the other side sent my friend death threats sent me threats of violence belittled my mental health stole my friends art and maliciously reposted and edited their artwork that same side made incredibly upsetting artwork about causing harm to an actor i

the same side that bullied a fourteen year old after they had the nerve to speak up about the shit going on the same side that came for me for not knowing every single detail of said fourteen year olds very complex and not at all my business mental illness

the side that took something that gave me so much comfort and happiness and made me remember the abuse i endured when I was thirteen i hate that the internet is still such a ducking shitty place to be a lonely kid who just wants to be liked

the same side that writes romanticized rape and writes a black lgbt+ character being a subject of abuse the same side who thinks stories of characters of color need to struggle and endure pain for it to be a valid piece of writing or the side that talks down to young people and minors and then turning around and writing graphic content involving a teenage girl

a side that includes a transmed guy who is so vile that i honest to god use the word hate to describe me feelings for him

but yeah the side that pointed out that maybe saying that you basically only view women as sex objects in that you would perform sex acts for compensation with them but not actually pursue relationships with is a problematic statement or maybe the jewish teenager who asked someone to stop throwing the term nazi around THOSE are the real villains of the story theyre the ones that need to be taught a damn lesson jesus h christ

if you are still talking about the rae biphobia fiasco literally none of us ever said she wasnt bi that I know of i know i didnt we simply pointed out that what she said was an inherantly biphobic statement being lgbt+ doesnt mean you cant belittle other identities look at nasti and how he feels about the trans experience as if he owns the damn thing ugh fucking hell you made me mention these people by name thats how cranky i am

basically on top of all the shitty things done to me and my friends I dont want people using their shit triggering content to hurt people like i was hurt

also in the United States simulated cp is only okay if it passes this thing called the miller test and buddy pal chumbo nearly all the work ive had the great misfortune fails at least one of the three prongs of the miller test the whole area is very murky and not well defined but our neighbor nation of Canada (if youre in the us) is full stop no cp of any kind no ifs ands or butts

why dont you go tell nasti to shut his yap about solar or tell rae to gather her cronies and fucking chill and stop bugging me because im getting very sick of having to tell people how i feel and why i do what i do if you really think both sides are that bad why do t you go try and talk to them because im not budging that shit is wrong and i wont sit by in silence as if it isnt

if youre a beetlebabe shipper trying to get my to badmouth antis fine yeah we can be a bit intense and yeah there have been antis who’ve done shitty things in the past but if anyone is caught being shitty its over dude you are ejected from the good graces

and if youre a neutral youre doing a great job at being neutral but it is making me very angry and neutrality is comparable to complacency so im not in your camp at all

thanks again for writing in im not really sorry for being harsh but i really am sick of this shit so maybe go try talking to someone else for a little bit like literally any beetlebabe and see what they say back to you id love to see it

editors note because i couldnt fit this anywhere but if an anti does something wrong in the same vein as the beetlebabes and i hear about it im done with them full stop they dont get my support or anything and i wont state publicly who they are but there are several people that have been cut off because of their behavior

the thing is i dont seem to see the bad stuff they do or maybe i just dont see what they do as bad because in my book telling someone pedophilia is wrong isnt harassment its just a statement of fact anyway if you have receipts of antis being as hateful as babe shippers* im all eyes pal but dont give me the same stuff ive covered because ive made my stance on those things quite clear

*threats of violence belittling mental illnesses harassing a mentally ill 14 year old making fun of eating disorders and many other bad things

(Note: pointing out the inherant biphobia of a phrase is also not harassment)

bye

[normal-thoughts-official]

That thing about assumptions on whose more openly affectionate of malec being opposite is so true lol! Like you expect Magnus to be the teasing in public/PDA type but Alecs the one who grabs his ass and kisses him on the cheek and wraps an arm around his waist or shoulders, the one who initiates hand holding and kisses in public, the one who whispers dirty things in his ear?? And magnus adores every minute he just doesnt trust himself to initiate in case it's Too Much or hes being "clingy" :'[

ABSOLUTELY and i think it’s mostly because people don’t realize that magnus and alec’s outer appearance, demeanor-wise, is not only fake, but effectively a defense/coping mechanism

i mean i’ve already talked a lot about magnus many times and it’s been basically canonically established that magnus’ devil-may-care, playboy, detached attitude is the result of him trying to close himself off after too many experiences with abuse

and closing yourself off doesn’t just mean not allowing himself to feel, it also means not letting anyone get too close to you. but magnus can’t really do the “completely isolating yourself in a tower” thing, like Raphael does, because he craves contact and touch and attention and being alone with his thoughts is one of the worst things he can do to himself. 

also, he’s too much of a softie, he’s still there, trying to represent warlocks politically, taking people under his wing. there’s just too much he needs to do, wants to do, so isolating himself physically won’t work. ergo, he needs a facade. a ruse. something between his feelings and others, something to keep him safely isolated and away from people who will- could hurt him and this way he also helps them too, because who needs to have such a broken, despicable, whiny murderer of a friend who brings nothing but emotional baggage to the table?

so he builds this uncaring, detached, but fun persona; someone whose company you can enjoy a lot, who will take you on adventures, who can do a lot of stuff for you, but who’s not deserving FITTING for a deeper relationship, even if just friendship-wise. he’s shallow, he only cares about the Exorbitant Amounts Of Money™ that he’ll get from his “favors” (which is hysterical because I don’t think I’ve seen him being paid a single fucking time in the entire show, not even when fucking lilith showed up at his house claiming to be some warlock he’s never met and asked for a potion, he literally gave it to her for free because she mentioned ragnor. he’s too kind for his own good, honestly. and god the amount of unpaid work he did for these goddamn shadowhunters. unbelievable. he deserved so much better. but anyway, i digress), he’s impulsive and stubborn and listens to no one, he’s all about partying and fashion and sex. so how could he possibly be like in a relationship, if not the teasing one who’s all over the other, showing them off to people, grabbing their ass, gushing over them or whatever. the most surprising part, honestly, would be to see magnus getting in a relationship at all, considering what an unfixable lothario he is and his general disdain for complicated matters - at least in most people’s eyes

as for Alec, well, for many, he’s probably the picture of the Perfect Shadowhunter. clear mind, cool head, cold heart. a soldier so perfect he’s almost a machine, and has never learnt empathy, much less love

it’s obvious that none of this is true, once you take a look. he’s clearly suffering and in a constant battle with himself, not only who he is and who he’s attracted to, but also what he actually believes in - and look, i’m not saying he’s perfect or some kind of woke white savior or anything, cuz he did and said some shitty stuff both in s1 and after it. but he’s also the one who told magnus “take what you need” when magnus needed his strength, and the one who refused to let magnus use his magic to clean the loft when he could do it himself and allow him to rest. and that says a lot. when everyone else, including clary, who supposedly wasn’t even raised in racist shadowhunter culture, treated magnus like a tool, the means to an end, alec remembered magnus’ humanity

so, upon closer inspection, most people would think that he’s just Repressed™. sure, there’s a lot going on in there, that man is conflicted af, and it’s actually a pity. were he raised in another culture, one that wasn’t so set on stripping you of your humanity, he could’ve been a great man. he could have been happy, too. goes to show you how cruel shadowhunters are, even to their own kind. 

so for those people, alec is almost a pity case. he’s stuck in his oppression, helpless, confined. shadowhunter values have been drilled into him so deep that he can’t face his feelings anymore. he lies to himself and smothers any semblance of a “rebellious” thought before it even comes to mind. he’s all but brainwashed, basically

but that’s not exactly true, either

and look, don’t get me wrong, because of course i know that alec struggled like crazy to come to terms with his identity and his attraction. but alec is not brainwashed. if anything, he’s shockingly self-aware 

when he’s in shock after he finds out about his parents and the arranged marriage, he says, “i’ve done everything that they’ve asked, i’ve dedicated all of me to the clave”. he knows exactly what he was sacrificing for them, he knows that there’s a line between what he believes in and what he does because it’s what’s he supposed to, and he knows where it is, too. when he goes on his first date with magnus, he says “i always knew i couldn’t get what i wanted, until you came along”. knew, not thought. it’s not that alec never considered it, always thought it was out of his realm of possibility, couldn’t face the idea; it’s that he thought it over, came to the conclusion that it couldn’t happen, and resigned himself to it. in alec’s eyes, he was making a choice

now, don’t misquote me, because obviously it’s not really a choice when you’re between losing everything you’ve ever had, including your family, or being who you are. i’m not saying that alec chose to be in the closet, i’m saying that he saw it that way. that he was perfectly aware of who he was, and what he wanted, and what he thought, but he knew he couldn’t act on it. there’s a fundamental difference between the way alec acts, and lying or hiding from yourself

so alec is not repressed in the freudian sense of the word, where his desires are all subconscious and whatnot, but in the sense that he won’t act on them

i think alec was never quite good at lying to himself (or anyone, really, but specially not himself. he’s painfully logical and introspective, and he over analyzes everything, including himself. i’m also like this and believe me when i say that it’s almost impossible for me to lie to myself, even when i want to. my therapist and psychiatrist both think it’s appalling lol. lying to yourself is a survivorship skill that i think neither alec nor i ever had)

and then we have the third group of people, the people who realize that, who know that alec knows and actively and consciously represses his desires anyway, but who think that alec is too powerless, too weak, to break out of it. basically another pity case, the poor lightwood boy, so hurt and powerless to do anything about it. 

all of these people are wrong

alec is not weak, he’s- incredibly strong, really. like the shit he did when he came out, that was incredible. and before that, just heading out of the institute to go to magnus’ and help him heal luke when that went straight against clave’s orders? holy shit. straight up ignoring his mom’s calls? id literally die of anxiety before ever being able to do that. and after s1 too, he continuously chose magnus, continuously faced all sorts of enemies, he threatened maryse, who was always the monster under his bed, without batting an eye

alec’s always been strong, and brave, and self-aware. and that’s why his relationship with magnus was way less about figuring out what he wanted or learning how to express his feelings and desires, and way more about allowing himself to do exactly what he wanted. most people would think that alec would need time to adjust to being in a relationship, to being happy, to not looking over his shoulder after every touch or word. that alec would need help to figure out what he was into, what he liked, how to do things, how to feel and to love. but he didn’t, because alec knows himself way too well. once he decided that he could get what he wanted, he just did it and never looked back 

(because he knows how strong he is, too, and there’s an advantage in being trained to be a soldier and diplomat - he’s very aware of his own strengths and how to use them) 

so yeah, there is the reason everyone is wrong and shocked: people assumed that magnus knew what he wanted and was comfortable in his own skin, while alec didn’t. but it’s actually the other way around

if you look at their relationship, the “insecure one” (obviously there’s no such thing as “the insecure one”, everyone has their insecurities, but you know what i mean) was magnus. alec was ready for sex before him, and it seemed that it never occured to alec that he could have fears surrounding that. magnus was the one who was always worried that something would be the Last Straw, make alec leave him. magnus was hesitant to make big gestures of love or just be sappy and romantic, and alec was like “we’ve been dating for 3 months, i think it’s appropriate to propose to magnus”. magnus was scared and insecure, and alec gave zero (0) shits

(not with everything, obviously. i’m not trying to say magnus was the helpless uwu one who needed fixing. just that when it comes to their relationship, magnus was more hesitant than alec was)

because magnus was the one who had been repressing what he wanted. he was the one who couldn’t face the idea of falling in love, of allowing himself to be vulnerable, of being with someone else. after camille, after all the hurt and abuse, he wasn’t ready, and he needed time not only to allow himself to feel, but also to figure out how he feels - to get rid of this deep conviction that he’s worthless, that he should accept crumbs and not look back because it’s the best he’ll ever had. i’ve said that before, but that scene in s2 when magnus gets mad at alec for being a rude bitch, that’s so significant. the magnus from a few years before wouldn’t have said anything, would have just let alec treat him and make excuses for him. “oh he’s new to this,” “oh he was stressed,” “well there’s his brother”, “i was being annoying,” “it’s not his fault”. because that’s what you do when you’ve been through abuse. magnus got into their relationship unwilling to accept being only given crumbs, and unwilling to be anyone’s punchbag. not that alec would do him like that, but it’s important that magnus wouldn’t let him. especially because alec is kind of a dumb bitch who believes people when they say “it’s ok” way too often, so he might not have realized he was hurting magnus, had they met when magnus was in a different headspace

anyway, what i was talking about before i went on yet another big tangent about magnus and his abuse recovery? ah yes, repression

basically what i’m trying to say is: while both magnus and alec struggled with coming to terms with who they are, who they love, and loving and respecting themselves, by the time they got together magnus was the one who needed to be eased into things. he needed time and space to relearn how to be in a relationship, and to be happy in it. while alec needed to jump headfirst into what he wanted and not look back

and look, not to be a disgusting malec stan, but that’s one of the many reasons why they are literal soulmates work so well together. because magnus has been needing someone who loves him so deeply and expresses it so fearlessly, because he’s unused to it, because he’s way too insecure and convinced that he won’t get or doesn’t deserve it. and alec also needs to be able to express his love with abandon, he needs to be affectionate, to tell magnus that he’s beautiful and that every day they’re together is a dream and to give him gifts and to take him to the lock thing and make a romantic dinner with ten dozen red roses because for so long he didn’t allow himself. obviously they both love and are loved, and they both love each other equally and fiercely, and magnus also always expresses it, it’s not a one-way thing. but to alec, being able to express his love and affection for magnus is a wonder, it’s something that he’s still in awe of, realizing that he gets to have this, to be in love and let the whole world see. to say exactly what he feels. i think that’s one of the reasons why alec never beats around the bush, just goes straight into “it’s moments like this, when i’m staring into the eyes of the man that i love,” and his constant Wedding Vowing, because he’s basically bursting with everything he feels, and just how much, and he fucking wants to express it god damn. why the fuck would he be chill? HE GETS TO HAVE THIS, after denying himself for so long

and magnus, well. magnus really needs it. really needs to be convinced that he’s lovable, and that he deserves not only to be loved but to be loved in a fulfilling, caring way. to be happy in a relationship, not just part of it. that he doesn’t have to constantly sacrifice himself for others

and that’s just one of the many ways in which they suit each other so perfectly. because what they need to say is what the other needs to hear, and what they have is so strong it can calm the storm that’s been inside of them for so long. they have the kind of love where they’re sad together, happy together, silly together, angry together, where they get to be competitive dorks and say dumb shit, and also to have slow and calm mornings, and also to feel juts as intensely as they desire. they have it all they are soulmates they have a one in a million kind of connection they are so perfect for each other and in this essay i will

[ikkleosu]

What do you think now in terms of Caryl actually happening? Seems to be looking a WHOLE lot better now!!

I have several asks basically asking the same thing so forgive for just lumping it all together in this answer. Also forgive me, for I am about to ramble.

Let me say that i am so so so certain Caryl is happening.

Now unlike some folks (with music box in their name) I FREELY admit that despite the fact I am ALWAYS RIGHT, sometimes I have been totally wrong.

I was totally sure Caryl was happening in season 5, and I was totally sure it was happening in the run up so season 8. Obviously I was wrong on both counts.

The rest of the time I was mostly speculating how it could happen if they were to do it at that point.

Now I have always (well since season 5) believe Caryl would happen eventually. Even when I stopped watching in s8/9 I still believed it would happen eventually. But by then I thought Carzekiel was a real, genuine ship, and Caryl would only happen as a last ditch attempt to save ratings - 3 show runners down the line!

And then the spoilers for 8x16 came out and my ears pricked up. Carol was leaving Zeke, and Daryl was implicated in the divorce! (LOL) Suddenly things got really interesting, but I still wasn't sure Caryl was on the cards in the immediate future.

Once the movie was announced I was fairly settled that Caryl would only happen in the movie, as a ratings grabber (because as much as I love Andrew Licoln, he isn't enough to sell a movie. Walking Dead fans who have walked away would expect a TWD movie to have Rick and Michonne and Daryl and Carol. They just would).

Now up until about a month or so ago I STILL believed that (and part of me does still think actual canon might only happen on the big screen). But what has changed in the last few weeks is that I am certain THIS SEASON is setting up Caryl - either to fully go canon in this season, or to NEARLY go canon, then go canon in the movie.

(By nearly go canon, I mean Daryl and Carol's feelings for each other are made explicit. There are on screen conversations about their feelings. Their reasons for not being together will be detailed, and they will have shippus interuptus a la the Consumed bed moment that stops them from taking the last step)

My mind being changed has happened bit by bit, and a large part of it has been thanks to Norman "threesome with Beth and Carol" Reedus! I KNOW?!

Suddenly his answers on Caryl were mature and interesting. Talking about the complicated nature of their relationship and waxing about aspects of Caryl. Like, who is he?

My assumption was Norman suddenly didn't just get media training. He could answer differently because he knew differently. He had something different to say because something different was happening.

And platonic relationships are rarely "complicated".

A huge part is the quotes I put in my "join the dots" post. The fact that Angela said this season would deal with Daryl's love life, and said she has asked Norman his opinion on how it would go. Then Norman said they have had talks, then explicitly said he has had talks with Angel's and some things he suggested went into ep 1, then he confirmed it was things in the Caryl scenes.

To me, that is definitive proof that the relationship he and AK were talking about was Caryl.

And let me divert and explain here why I got it wrong in the past...

It took me like 6 years to realise that Scott Gimple puts stuff into the show that seems significant but isn't AT ALL. He plants scenes and symbolism and Easter Eggs that amount to fuck all. They are pointless, meaningless stuff he puts in for his seeming own amusement. If he's asked about it, he will say yes I will say that will come up again BUT IT NEVER WILL!

From the jasper stone to Daryl's therapy book to Daryl's sudden deep relationship with every red shirt going - all of it was meaningless drivel. Hey remember the dead bodies with signs on them? Remember the weird deserted camps? Remember the Cherokee walkers? Remember the clocks and flowers and tomatoes and beer bottles and the colour green? MEANINGLESS!

I spent so many hours dissecting and analysing, connecting stories that seemed to fit brilliantly together. And I tend to think I was giving it more thought than Gimple was.

I thought Caryl would happen because things like the water jug flirtation and Consumed and the Dwight parallels and the Cherokee rose on the wall and... you get the point. But none of them meant anything other than Gimple thinking he was clever and throwing carylers random bones to keep us going. Which, to his credit, worked largely.

But I believe Angela Kang. Angela "I wrote Still, the worst written episode ever" Kang is not like that. Doesnt work like, and knows exactly what she's doing.

I dont say that lightly. It is only looking back at s9 with hindsight do I see what she was doing.

She had Carol repeatedly reject Ezekiel's proposal; she had Daryl have a conversation with Aaron about what a good father Daryl would be; she had Carol and Daryl show their connection and Carol show she wanted space from Ezekiel in a scene she wrote notes on saying Daryl was jealous of Zeke; she had Carol change her mind about Zeke only after she saw Daryl lose and go punch happy, whilst Zeke is a caring father to Henry. She made sure Carol never said "I love you" to Zeke on screen. She showed that while Daryl goes into the wild, Carol always knows where he us and lies to her husband to go visit him. She showed that Carol felt that Zeke had enough influence on Henry, and now she wanted Daryl to be the male influence on his life, in an episode filled with romance tropes and a morning after scene that was clearly meant to emulate a morning after scene. And then AK played her first hand - when Henry dies, it is Daryl who Carol seeks. And Zeke sees Daryl as a direct and present danger to his marriage and threatens him off. And then Carol leaves Zeke, and goes back to ASZ with Daryl.

I mean, holy crap! She set it all up so subtly that so many people didn't see it coming. And I still believe there are other parts of s9 that are set up to come into play this season.

And then with each spoiler I began to get more faith. Ep 1 was so much better than I expected, with Daryl taking Carol on a date, making a bracelet (something else I was wrong on. I totally thought that was wishful thinking), and not only being comfortable with the idea of running away together, but when he realised he couldn't do that, telling Carol HE NEEDS HER!

Again this is new ground, Daryl hasn't talked like that.

And then, after all that came the dream spoiler. I loved it, it seemed big, but the people leaking it played it down to ridiculous levels.

They made it seem like it was a throwaway scene, a Gimple-esque nod to the shippers. But as I have said, what actually happened was HUGE. This scene is the entire point of the Carol taking speed pills story (in this ep). It is telling us WHY she is afraid to sleep.

And it confirmed every single thing. The dialogue in the extended version confirms it is a good dream. The ring takes away ANY ambiguity (unless you are a desperate ABCer who has decided to pretend it's Ezekiel's ring, when it visibly, clearly isn't) that Daryl is just a roommate. And the fact the dream is 80/20 Daryl to Henry, shows this dream issue is NOT just about her missing Henry. If it was , the dream could have just featured Henry, or Henry and Zeke. It didn't. It heavily featured Daryl as Carol's dream husband, then followed it up by a scene showing us how utterly she loves and needs him.

I always believed in eventual canon. After Ghosts, I believe canon is on the cards very soon. And that we just saw on screen confirmation that Carol is IN LOVE with Daryl.

Put a fork in me I'm done.

[dead-ghouls]

Theres no way that i could ask for a break down of what you see in his ftes in ask format is is there?? I already love korekiyo, but I'm really curious about what you have to say.

I can do that! The only thing is that most of what he says I’ll be quoting from memory, but direct quotes can be found in his FTEs and in-game dialogue on wiki. I’ll do my best to provide as many screenshots as I can, but I doubt I will be able to find all, it’s a very long process and I dont have the whole day.V3 spoilers below, ofc. Also TW various types of abuse, you know the drill if you played the game. Long post!Let’s start from what we know about Korekiyo. What makes him Korekiyo, what makes him stand out, what’s special about him. 

- Unique outfit- Long hair- His deep knowledge of anthropology- His interest in occult/speaking to the dead- His deep relationship with death, grief and how he looks at it- His love for ropes- Being a serial killer

Now let’s break down every trait he has and where it comes from.

Unique outfit

FTE 3, he tells us his sister made it for him to suit her tastes, claiming his school uniform doesnt suit him.

Long hairI don’t remember if it was mentioned in-game, but it was mentioned in V3 manga anthology, that his long hair is a memento to his sister, since she had long hair, so he refuses to cut it. It is stated that events of manga obviously not canon, but I dont think this claim was outside of his canon characterisation. 

His deep knowledge of anthropology

In the same FTE he mentions that Sister was the one who “pushed him to research as much as he could”

His interest in occult/speaking to the dead + his relationship with death and griefI dont think i gotta find proof for that, he mentioned travelling looking to speak to the dead, the whole ch 3 with Caged Child + he mentioned having near-death experience after a seanse (see next bullet point), and that’s how his Sister came to him.He speaks about human mortality and coming to terms with it, but he himself cant do that. 

He doesnt fear death, maybe he even seeks it - to reunite with his Sister [cut to him enduring his execution and seeing his spirit happy and free, ready to meet her] but no way he could properly cope with human mortality and his own grief. That’s where all the occult stuff comes in - him telling how he tried so many things and how nothing worked (?). He says it during ch3 investigation, if you wanna look for a direct quote. Him being into occult, speaking with the dead, being possessed by his Sister - all of it is just his ways of coping with loss. He was very dependant on her (I’ll talk about it more below) and couldnt stand being alone.

His love for ropesOf course it can be a kinky thing but also look closely at this exchange:

This incident with ropes is what actually ended up “reuniting” him with his Sister. Of course he’d hold a special interest to this kind of activity after. 

Being a serial killerWell this one is obvious. Who did he kill? Girls. Why did he do it? To bring friends to his Sister. Simple as that.

Now look back at every bullet point and tell me: do you see a pattern? Yep, every aspect of his life, likes, personality, experiences, even his looks - it all traces back to his Sister. Controlling what he wears, what he does, what he likes; even after her death he is deeply affected and is devoted to doing everything in her name. Now try to recall one single thing about Korekiyo that wasn’t his Sister influence. Something he likes maybe? Something he enjoys on his own free time? Even his official dislike is a reference to a gift you might give in-game, an air refreshener that exorcises ghosts [He believes that he is possesed]. All I can think of is him telling he prefers green tea over black in one of FTEs. Korekiyo that we see and interact with in game isn’t his own person, just a reflection of grief, his Sister wants and needs. His whole existence is just a devotion to his late Sister, and it was the same way when she was alive.

Sister’s personality

From what I mentioned you should already hear the faint bells ringing in your head. “Pushed me to study” “Told me my uniform doesnt suit me” “I will kill people because her spirit told me to”He respected her, depended on her a lot. No shit, Sherlock - he was his Older Sibling. A side note, he never mentioned anyone else from his family, only said that they “had to hide their relationship from others” once. Sadly, I cant remember where it was said. No matter if he had any family present or not (having no family would worsen the case, but with family present its still fucked up) he still depended on her a lot, maybe considered her a parental figure, or at the very least - a role model. Korekiyo’s analysis on youtube brings up a very valid point - anthropology couldve been her passion as well, she just couldnt actually fullfill it because of the sickness. Explains her “pushing” him to research it.Basically we have an older sibling holding power over a younger sibling, presumably, from a younger age. More of her personality and influence can be seen in his trial. “You mustnt lose composure, you mustnt become flustered, you mustnt waver”Im linking this bit, but I strongly recommend rewatching the full version where his Sister appears. She appears to be his guardian, keeping him in check, making him act right. Telling him what to do and how to act. She appears in moments of distress when he needs comfort. He depends on her, he listens, he does everything she tells him to. Im not gonna get into the whole tulpa thing, so if youre not on board with it, I recommend reading into it more, even wiki has a brief explanation. Basically this possession is just his mind, but it does hold her true personality. So Sister is: assertive, calm, plays a role of guardian, has power over Korekiyo due her age, his respect and dependance on her, probably her being his parental figure. 

Now tell me, how this power dynamic could be healthy, consensual and (a very popular opinion in the fandom) this relationship was started from Korekiyo’s advances? How a younger sibling, that was so dependant and devoted could be in a consensual relationship with his older sibling that always tells him what to do?Korekiyo was groomed, he’s a victim. Most people in fandom hate him for being creepy and a sister-banging freak, because he doesn’t fit your cookie-cutter perseption of abuse victims. Everyone thinks that abuse victims only come in “i hate my abuser, i am currently away from them and i am healing” package. Korekiyo was never given a chance to realize it was wrong, he never got a chance to heal. He was groomed, abused, used and forced into relationship. Told that it was secret and sacred, that theyre breaking the boundaries, that’s why he mustnt tell anyone about it. Of course he believed her - its his Sister. She convinced him that his love and dependance on her was romantic/sexual love.

The same analysis brings up a good point of his Sister guilt tripping him because of her illness. Never getting a chance for romantic love, never getting a chance to make friends.

What breaks my heart is that after all of this, after devoting his life to his Sister, studying what she wanted, wearing what she wanted, killing for her sake and even being executed because of her - he says that he wasn’t enough.

TLDR - Their power dynamic is very obvious from his FTEs and the trial, he was clearly groomed and abused, never got to recover from her manipulations. And fandom either fetishisizes their relationship, excusing their nasty kinks by saying it was consensual, or hates him because they never took the time to analyze the content. He was abused, he was manipulated, god knows what else was done to him when she was alive, and he died driven to insanity, full of grief devoted to his Sister and blaming himself for not being enough. As a side-note: it is completely okay being uncomfortable with his character/everything that happened in ch3. You dont owe anyone interacting with the piece of media depicting such topics. Your comfort and safety comes first. Kodaka is a shitty fucking writer. What is not okay is hating a character for being a victim. 

I probably missed a lot, my brain is very disorganized, so feel free to ask more questions/add your own opinion. 

[kaguraspetsims]

[[MORE]]

Hey guys sorry for the absence, work has been...shitty. like, it's making me so depressed and anxious that I'm losing sleep. I'll tell some stories in a second but like for those of you who want a tldr the assistant manager training me has some personal vendetta against me for some reason and is literally making my life hell.

So, just so we are clear: I have worked at this store for 1 and a half months. I dont remember if I've ever said the company I work for but I will say it's a pizza place.

At this store we have the store manager (call him R) and 3 assistant managers (P, A, and me).

A has been at this store for 2 years, P is the one that trains new AMs. A became an AM like...half a month ago. I have no prior experience in this company so I'm trying to learn the basics PLUS manager stuff.

So to try and keep things easy to follow, after my first week or so there P has me sit down with her and she asks me how I am able to learn better. I explain to her that I need positive reinforcement and I need to be told if I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing it wrong so that I dont form bad habits and have to relearn things. I also explained to her that I have short term memory loss, which is the reason I'm so unconfident when trying to portion toppings.

The gist if what she told me was this: I learn fast and I need to stop second guessing myself bc that slows me down and therefore slows the whole process down. And I was like yes I will accept this is true and try to do better. She also said she'd stop answering complicated questions I had, which I understood as anything that could not be answered with a yes or no.

So the weeks are going on and I learn several things about how this place works out.

I am short, shit is taller than me. I'm told to ask for help when I need it.

I quickly learn that when I ask for help, depending on what it is I'm asking for and how her mood is, P will get irritated as fuck with me for asking. Example: we have guides on how to build certain food items. Theres a lot of shit on the menu. The guides are very hard for me to reach. So when I ask for help getting a guide so I can try learning the build, I either get it tossed at me or I get told what to put on it in a disappointed or irritated tone. (Keep in mind I'm not being told the portioning for these toppings unless I ask for those too, to which I get an annoyed "I don't know off the top of my head.")

So I decided that if I have a question about what goes on what builds, I will try to list off all the toppings I remember and be like "that's what's on it right?" I figured this way they know I'm trying to learn them, I'm retaining at least SOMETHING, and if theres an ingredient or two off they can correct those.

Yeah the last time I did that P turned around and totally ignored me. And it turns out I was correct about all the toppings on it.

Now skip to about a week and a half ago, I'm finally learn how to stretch dough. Every time I have tried to stretch this shit has been during rush. At this point I have only worked rush shifts, which are shit for training, but when I've come in earlier I learn how to prep food, and so I literally dont get a lot of one on one time with someone who can actually sit there and train me. And when I DO have the chance to have one on one time, it's usually with P and she usually leaves me to make as much as possible while she goes to the back to chat with people who are waiting to take deliveries.

I end up getting so frustrated that I start taking shit out on myself, basically telling myself that I cant do anything right and that I've peaked and that I'm never going to get better. I tell P this and she tries halfheartedly to get me to breathe and keep going.

Mow skip to this week. I'm told I will close Monday and Tuesday (yesterday and the day before) I'm told I'll be trained how to close.

Monday comes up. I get there at 5:30. A gets thre at 5. We work thru rush and A tells me he will stay with me till P gets there around 10 just in case we get a night rush. Keep in mind this is P's day off and A had offered to help train me since he was already there.

So 10:30 rolls around and P finally shows up. She comes inside only to tell A he should have left at like 8 or 9. You know. Leaving me alone on my first closing night when I still cant make an entire one pizza on my own under 3-5 minutes.

So A leaves. One of the drivers is there bc he has to be (we can call him T). P tells T hes going to do most if not all the cleaning so she can show me how to do inventory and enter shit in the computer. She says when he finishes he can leave ahead of us bc we were (supposedly) going to be there for a few hours.

So for about 2 hours I'm told how to find things on the computer and finish inventory. Most of those two hours is just me entering shit in the computer or her talking on the phone with a friend.

At one point she says to T that shes just teaching me computer shit now, and on Tuesday she'd teach me how to break down and clean the area where all the food is.

At 12:30-12:45 she says shes going to leave and for me to call her when I'm done counting money so that she can tell me the rest of what I have to do. This sends off panic bells in my head. Not only has she NOT FINISHED TEACHING ME SHIT, I'm about to leave a store by myself in the middle of fucking nowhere with no overhead lights. I felt unsafe leaving the gamestop I worked at during the night even tho there were parking lot lights and usually small crowds at the walmart next door, and I never left that building by myself.

So I'm just ask "can T stay so I'm not leaving here by myself and I dont risk my safety?"

The response I got was basically P saying she forgot I was weak and fragile. So she decided to stay and fi nng ish helping me on the computer, which, btw, was another 15 minutes or so of her staying???

Also fun news I get at this point is that P will NOT be closing with me tuesday night. I'm on my fucking own with T! :)

So then I'm helping clean shit bc apparently we're behind (it's like 1 am at this point) and P (who did the entire food area by her damn self) finally leaves around 1:15. T has been really nice and stays with me to help me put the last of shit together before we leave.

I dont get home till 2 monday night.

Skip to tuesday night. I get in at 4:45. A and P are there. Ahas been told by P he MUST leave by 9. She leaves at like 6:30.

I learn a few things after she leaves from multiple people.

A has been here 2 years, and P not only stayed with him till 3 am breaking every little thing down and showing him everything, but he ALSO was given the opportunity to close with her for about 2 or 3 nights before he closed by himself.

I have been there an entire month and a half, got told how to do ALMOST everything ONE time, and the very next night I'm closibg hy myself.

I have trained for (almost) 2 hours how to close at this point. I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I start getting order after order. The drivers are out doing their jobs so I'm literally in the whole store by myself trying to figure shit the fuck out bc i was basically left to fend for myself. Spoiler alert, I'm not very fucking good at this.

To make a long story short, a bunch of shit went wrong tuesday night. T is trying his best to help me learn things, but he doesnt know how to do everything bc hes not in a manager position. He even says to me at one point "it just seems like you've been set up to fail." Granted I was complaining about the fact that I didn't get fucking training, but he said that shit on his own. He pointed shit out that I had been thinking about.

Again, skip to about 3 am. I have my final call with P. She proceeds to tell me several things:

You should not be there more than an hour after close.

Your inventory variance should not be that high.

Just finish up what you're doing and leave, what's done is done and what's not is not.

Then she asks me "do you see what you need to improve on?"

At that point I nearly snapped. How the FUCK can I know what to improve on when theres no one there to give me fucking feedback?? I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I literally scrambled all fucking night to ATTEMPT to do shit right which, apparently, it still wasnt good enough. I was given a whole ~2 hours to learn ALMOST everything to close. R doesnt get out when he closes till about 2 hours after the store closes, so why the fuck am I being picked on when I had fucking not even 2 whole hours of training?

I have never EVER told myself to quit without putting in a two weeks notice before. I'm going to talk to R about this shit before I just up and leave at this point. I'm attempting to find another job in the meantime but the toll that these past few weeks has had on my mental health is just fucking astounding. The last time I had that kind of a meltdown after work was a year ago when I worked at the fucking kennel and a dog got hurt and no one answered me.

Oh, btw, that kennel? The one owned privately by a single person, that wasnt a franchise or anything? Yeah, as much as those communication skills sucked, it was leagues better than the communication at this establishment I'm at now. And that's saying a fucking lot.