#but i love root beer so much
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Diet Root Beer is better than no Root Beer right? 🥲
#I'm trying#diabetes#i got ketoacidosis like two weeks ago#it wasnt fun#but i love root beer so much#ahhhhhhhhhhh
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I LOVE MY WIFE RAAAHHHHHH HE IS AWESOME HES THE BEST
#undertale yellow#undertale#uty#ut yellow#north star#starlo#undertale yellow north star#undertale yellow starlo#hooh these tags#uty starlo#uty north star#uty fanart#my art#i think root beer would be his favourite drink#i love him so much you dont undertsand#OH YEAH#undertale yellow spoilers#forgot that tag
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Starray yes
#milkart#undertale yellow#undertale#uty#ut yellow#north star#starlo#undertale yellow north star#undertale yellow starlo#uty starlo#uty north star#uty fanart#my art#i think root beer would be his favourite drink#i love him so much you dont undertsand#OH YEAH#undertale yellow spoilers#forgot that tag#fanart#moray#there's not enough fanart of eem#starray#the first starray art by mee#cursed these yaoisngijty#gonna sleep good nighty
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Actually I should post my banner I learned how to rotate an image in MS paint for this
#this might be blasphemous....#but root beer is worth tempting God's Wrath 🙏#that image of the root beer bottle was NOT rotated like that#i went through hell to figure out how to rotate it and I probably wouldn't be able to recreate it without looking it up again#root beer#i love root beer so much#what else can i tag this dude#ms paint#erm#image edit#a&w root beer
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not being from the us will have me saying shit like “i do have a dream that is drinking dr pepper and root beer”
#like i’m so curious#people love it#we don’t have this here#a can of (imported) dr pepper is 16 reais which is like 2.8 dollars 3 dollars idk#that’s too much money#and root beer i cannot find online
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You know, looking at a diet soda can it occurs to me that it might not be so wretched to me if the cans weren't so unpleasant
Like we know that things like color play a role in how our brain perceives things, and I realized looking at the can that they're always this bland but at the same time nasty looking silver and it just... it looks foul and I think that compounds with the fact that I also just plain don't like diet soda
My point here isn't to say anyone else shouldn't like diet soda, just how I never realized how much of an impact the can has on me not liking it... there's just something offputting about it to me
#I don't ever drink soda these days#like I drink so little soda that root beer is basically something I treat like a dessert at this point#and it's funny; cause I drank nothing but soda when I was a teen#it was just kinda like a switch flipped one day; no idea on why#which is a shame; cause I've known people who really really wanted to stop drinking soda and... I wish I could tell them what I did#but... I kinda didn't do anything; I just changed#would love if I could give practical advice#now; you'll never hear me shitting on people for drinking soda; or have me sitting here telling people how awful it is#we all know what soda is; I mean man... you wouldn't have helped me if you lectured me back when I was drinking nothing but soda#in fact you'd probably have held me back from whatever clicked to make me stop cause you would have annoyed me#...but I don't miss it; now it's so damn sweet to me cause I got sometimes years without drinking it#nah... occasional root beer at a specific pizza place or with dessert; that suits me just fine#anyway; what my real point was is take my thoughts on diet soda with that grain of salt that I don't like regular soda either#I'll take regular over diet any day cause I prefer the sweeteners... like... if it's gonna be a once in a blue moon thing#I know which sweetener I'd rather taste; and it's not gonna be that big a deal to me either way cause I have it so rarely#but yeah; when I make this observation know it comes from someone that never drinks soda#so it's not like my input is that important or useful#...and yet... I'm not gonna go look up how to spell it; but you know barques... barks? you know that one root beer has a silver can#and that wasn't as much of a problem though... I think that even though I liked it the can was a hang up for me that spoiled it a little#really I just like all the brands of root beer; they're all different; but all good in their own way#I should go to Japan and preform as a masochist for them; since my understanding is the general consensus there is#that root beer tastes like medicine; let me put on a show as a weird american who drinks the thing they think is bad and enjoys it
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weird part of growing up is that i used to love soda as a kid and now the majority of it (esp pepsi coke and root beer) just tastes bad to me
#rambles#they leave a weird sticky feeling in your mouth that i hate most of all#and the diet versions of those 3 make me feel slightly sick lol#root beer especially i used to love it now its just bad unless its a root beer float or something#the only soda i still like weirdly enough is diet dr pepper (i like the diet version because the sticky feeling isn't as bad)#and even then i only like them bottled not in cans#probably cause i grew up with them in the house the most so im just used to them idk#i still just don't want to drink soda in general anymore very much
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when does the tolerance break get better
#.din#.txt#if i spend $0 on weed until september. im going to make myself a root beer float. out of as much thc as possible.#thc root beer. 10 mg. thc marshmallows. 50 mg. thc honey. 5 mg. whipped cream and ice cream.#i wish i knew a place that had thc ice cream. or that i believed that you could mix thc with milk without every cow trying to kill you.#btw this is why i love those tchotchkesque dispensaries. so many gimmick edibles with which i construct sumptuous feasts.
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I want to hear about Mal
🐷💯🎮🤍
-Ghoul
Y’all I’m so normal about Mal you wouldn’t believe
For those who don’t know, Mal is my oc from @ghouljams Fae!cod au. They’re a changeling, and the only consistent identifying feature is that they always have bright red hair regardless of their physical appearance. They run a studio and specialize in crafting magical items for the local Fae.
🐷: What is your oc’s favorite animal?
Spiders! Spiders are so crafty and are such beautiful artists and in Mal’s opinion are misunderstood. While I haven’t written about it yet, Mal definitely has some spider characteristics themselves. Mal and the local spiders have an agreement that as long as they don’t make the shop look decrepit and abandoned or leave spider webs in the paths of customers (…at least not too many) then they can hang out and make themselves at home.
💯: Share three random facts about your oc that others may not know.
So even though Mal is a changeling, in my mind there is a sort of baseline form that one could consider their ‘true form’ and which takes no effort or magic to sustain. Every other form they take requires some amount of magic and concentration to maintain, meaning that if they get exceedingly distracted or drained they may briefly revert back to that true form. (What that true form looks like is for y’all to wonder and for me to write about)
There are two ways I like to think about Mal’s magic. For their appearance, I imagine a sort of kaleidoscope that ‘fractures’ their body into a million pieces of light before their snap back into focus in a new way. For everything else, I imagine them plucking at imaginary threads that make up the known world and tugging on them, tying knots, untying knots, etc to work their magic.
Mal didn’t really grow up around other Fae, so their understanding of magic and Fae customs are very much self taught up until recent years. I like to think of it as someone who immigrated to another country as a child, grew up, and then returned as an adult. In theory they know about the culture and social norms, but haven’t ever experienced it first hand and stick out like a sore thumb.
🎮: What are three of your oc’s favorite hobbies?
Weaving is definitely at the top of their list, with gossiping coming in at a close second. Finally, Mal is definitely a gym rat 😂. Catch them spending all their free time lifting weights and casually saving gym bro’s when they fail a rep. Always giving encouragement though!!
🤍: What are three of your oc’s neutral/questionable traits?
I think that Mal’s biggest questionable trait is that they are ride or die to the extreme. Like, it takes a lot to make Mal truly consider you a friend, and once you’re there it’s over man. Like for instance, Witch has wormed her way into Mal’s affections, and now in Mal’s mind she can do no wrong. Witch could stroll up one day and say that she wants to destroy the world and set it ablaze and Mal would come out with gasoline like sure boo whatever you say everyone had it coming anyway. Do they like the world? Sure. But someone they think highly of and care for wants to see it gone, who are they to question that?
Because Mal didn’t grow up around Fae, they got burned a lot when they were younger, accidentally agreeing to unfair contracts or other such because they weren’t familiar with all the nitty gritty rules and technicalities the Fae are prone to use. This means that they threw up walls really quickly, and they themselves became a stickler for technicalities and precise language in order to protect themselves. This means that while Mal can be nice and personable, they’re more often than not operating under the assumption that they are going to be taken advantage of in some way and will preemptively try to protect themselves. Lots of mixed signals coming from them.
Finally…Mal likes neither cold nor hot drinks. Let me explain. If Mal is having a soda and it’s been in the fridge, they will leave the can on the counter for several minutes to let the temperature come up, then pour it in a glass to disperse the cold even more. Truly Mal’s favorite drink is a chai, where the chai mix is at room temperature and the milk was in the fridge, so that when they are mixed together it creates a perfect Neutral Temperature™️.
Bonus picrews:
#ghouljams fae au#oc talk#oc ask meme#oc ask blog#oc ask game#maelstrom speaks#oc: mal#1fae1#aaaaaaaaaaa I love Mal so much#thank you for asking ghoul I could kiss you right now#on god I’m so sorry for the last one#Mal’s insane I don’t make up the rules#although the chai bit…#it may or may not be inspired by how I myself like my chai…#the soda one is truly psychotic though#all sodas must be cold#except for root beer which is acceptable at room temp some how#not sure what the science is there#also if any ice touch my teeth I will riot
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long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on
#on holiday I was like oHHHHH this is what living in the moment is! What listening to your body is! what not worrying about how you look is#but doing what makes you happy#and then …… I came home and got sent the pictures#+ my friend being. unintentionally fatphobic as fuck#while hurtful as fuck too#and it’s all just been piling up too since I got home because I’ve been having a lot of conversations and seeing a lot of people that#confront me with who I used to be and who I am now and how I’m really not happy with that#and it feels like it’s not gonna get better#like I’m destined to be in a job I like but isn’t what I want because I’m not capable enough and I’ll never know what romantic requited love#feels like. I’ll never cure my vaginismus I’ll never be able to let someone in or they won’t want me this is just it for me#and SOMEHOW the way I look has become the ultimate culmination of all those things?#my face is suddenly a woman in her thirties face#I keep gaining weight despite not even eating all that much because FUCKING PCOS makes it impossible#my hair in my face grew back. my stomach is hairy and that plus the added beer belly just makes it look like I’m a 50 year old man#I am soooooooo tired of the dysphoria#and the way pcos ruins fucking everything because I can restrict calories all I want and move all I want but will it help ? No !#and of the fact that it impacts the way I feel about myself so much because I’m convinced now I’ll never find anyone#should have tried harder when I was 21 because that was the only time in my life I reasonably fit society’s standards like That was my shot#I’ve been taking supplements everyone says will help but I’m not sure I noticed anything in the past six months and I can’t take berberine#because it fucks with my heart medication. which. That too. I have that too#and I’m in pain! All the time now! ALL THE TIME so I can’t even work out to keep the weight stable because guess what ?#just after a normal day at the office I come home and have to lie down because everhthing hurts so much !#today I got an impromptu massage in an attempt to feel better but it didn’t fix shit and I had to buy clothes for kings day after#and I didn’t try them on just quickly grabbed some orange shit to try on at home and at what I saw in the mirror I genuinely got nauseous#I just don’t know who that is in the mirror but it’s not me and I can’t accept it. I’ve been trying so hard but I can’t#it genuinely makes me so sad and I keep telling myself that a reduction will help in feeling more like myself and it will help with the pain#but what if it doesn’t? what if my pain doesn’t go away after af all and my stomach just juts out and I feel like a gremlin all the time#what then. what the fuck do we do then. also I’m so fucking scared of that surgery anyway that I don’t fucking want to do it anymore#I want so many things and all of them feel out of reach and I know my own brain is my worst enemy and it’s not rooted in anything real but.#Isn’t it? really — isn’t it???????
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i have to vote for root beer because watermelon candy is so much easier to find. i love watermelon candy but i am Never as excited to see it as i am to see root beer candy
#on the complete opposite end of the spectrum i have to drink carbonated water for weird medical reasons or i can't eat#we bought a carbonator bc it's cheaper and healthier than buying soda continuously#so we just add flavor#i've tried a watermelon strawberry flavor and a root beer flavor#and i love root beer. but when else am i going to get a watermelon strawberry soda#so that is the one i keep using#new secret rating scale unlocked: how much am i expecting to see you here?#the lower the number on this scale the higher the number on either the 'NICE' or 'OH GOD NO' scale#whichever is relevant
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Ok, so here it goes. I don’t drink soda, like, at all. If there is another option available I always take it. I just don’t like the way soda settles in my stomach. But, ever since I was little my grandparents would make me the most simple little root beer float and it was heavenly. So, as a grown ass adult, whenever I feel like I didn’t something or made progress I reward myself with a root beer float. Doesn’t matter what brand, most of the time the cheaper stuff just reminds me of those days in that farm out out past where the streets have names.
A continuation on my post about unloved foods, specifically this is my in-depth defense of root beer.
Root Beer isn't inherently gross, it's just one of those weird local flavors that's off-putting to people who didn't grow up with it. We all like different things and also we all tend to like flavors that are similar to what we grew up with. That's okay! But honestly root beer is pretty unique and, in my opinion, delicious.
One of the main complaints against root beer is that it tastes like medicine. Funnily enough, it was originally marketed as medicinal! This is true for most OG sodas actually. Pretty much as soon as carbonated water was invented, people were drinking it to soothe various ailments. A lot of the original soft drinks were actually invented by pharmacists. I just think that root beer is especially cool because the main flavor came from the root bark of sassafras, a common North American shrub. Because it's so widespread and aromatic, all parts of the sassafras plant have been used in food and medicine by many different Native American tribes throughout history and was subsequently picked up and used by European colonists. In the 1960s, some studies indicated that that safrole oil, which is produced by the plant, can cause liver damage. Whether or not this would actually remain true after it had been boiled and added to root beer is unclear, but it was really easy to replicate the flavor, so the sassafras in commercial root beer these days is artificial. Another fun fact about safrole is that it's a precursor in the synthesis of MDMA. None of this information has stopped my childhood habit of eating sassfras leaves right off the shrub whenever I walk past it on a hike. I'm like 85% sure it's safe and also mmmm yummy leafs go crunch.
Another root beer complaint is that it tastes like toothpaste. I think this is probably because another key flavor in most root beer recipes is wintergreen. I'm assuming that the people who think this are the same people who think mint chocolate chip ice cream tastes like toothpaste. I can understand and even respect that some people don't like mint and associate it only with brushing their teeth, but like. Mint is a pretty common flavor. I mean I think it's safe to say that humans have been eating mint flavored stuff for longer than toothpaste has existed... anyway!
Other common flavors in root beer (real or artificial) are caramel, vanilla, black cherry bark, sarsaparilla root, ginger, and many more! There's not one official recipe, and root beer enthusiasts often have strong opinions about different brands. Some root beer is sharper, with more strong aromatic flavors, and others are mild and creamier.
Another thing I think is cool about root beer is that it's foamier than most sodas. This was originally because sassafras is a natural surfactant (and why sassafras is also a common thickening agent in Louisiana Creole cooking.) These days, other plant starches or similar ingredients are added to keep the distinctive foam. Root beer foam > all other soft drink foams. That's why root beer floats kick more ass than like, coke floats.
If you've never had root beer before, imagine if a sweetened herbal tea was turned into a soda, because that's basically what it is. If your first response to that is a cringe, fair enough. That's why lots of people don't like it. If your first response to that is "interesting... I might actually like it, though" then I encourage you to track down a can of root beer today, hard as that might be outside the US and Canada. Next time you see an "ew, root beer tastes like medicine/tooth paste" take, know that there's a reason for that, but also the same could be said for literally any herbal or minty food/drink.
My final take on root beer is that it would be the soda of choice for gnomes. Thank you and good night.
#root beer is the best#I love it so much#it’s a childhood memory#and I hardly remember my childhood anymore so I cherish it
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Yesterday: a dozen selfies with a Voc robot I found in a museum near Chiswick, at one point going, 'oohh, hang on, I've got a black coat on and my hair is vaguely the right color/length, if I take off my glasses it's like I'm cosplaying' 😂
Today: something that's basically an iced coffee soda, at my local A&W? Don't mind if I do!
#it's like a root beer mocha thing? Don't know if it's anything like the Kaldoran ones but it's pretty good#Back in North America now... hence the A&W#I miss the UK & Ireland so much though... I need to go back#especially to spend more time exploring London#can I just pull a Liv and fall in love with someone who already lives there? And get to live there no problem? Lol
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New pfp!!
Felt like giving my old one a little remaster ;P
Old version Here!
[ID. A drawing of a furry. There's a circle encompassing it. The background in the circle is a light, lavender like purple gradienting into orange. Outside of the circle, on the left, there's the trans flag (blue, pink, white, pink, blue), and on the right, the aro-ace flag (dark orange, orange, white, light blue, blue). The furry is a mix between a fox and a deer. It has antlers, two pairs of ears, and two pairs of eyes. The fox ears on top are tipped with dark brown and filled with a sharp fluff, while the deer ears below them are light brown and filled with rounder fur. Its left eyes are squinted and looking off screen to the bottom left. The top left eye has a white sclera with red irises, and the bottom left eye has a black sclera with blue irises. Its top right eye is closed, but the bottom right eye is obscured by the snout getting in the way. The furry wears a red hoodie with black drawstrings with chest fluff spilling out at the neck. Its head is tilted back slightly as it casually sips from a can of A&W Root Beer in its right hand. In its left hand, it holds a number two pencil. The tip of the pencil has a yellow shine spiking around it. In the bottom right corner, the name "Cole" in cursive is bolded with orange. End ID]
#also this one shows off my love for a&w root beer#i love root beer so much#sorry if the description is too long i never really know how to describe things#i love seeing my art improve in 4k it's very reassuring#cole's art#furry art#fox/deer fursona#fursona#sfw furry#furry#fox fursona#deer fursona#i love drawing this fursone it's so good i think
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I don't know why I bite
Logan howlett x fem!reader
a/n: Had Mitski’s ‘I Bet on Losing Dogs’ on a loop while writing this, now I’m sad Inspired by the isle of dogs quote “I’m not a violent dog, I don’t know why I bite” BECAUSE OUCH (they’re both toxic, fair warning) bittersweet ending Summary: You've tried for so long to get Logan to accept you the way he does the others. You want so desperately to be someone who means something to him. But he doesn't want you, maybe he never has. And you both seem to be stuck in this loop of hurting each other.
You’re stability, security, but you’re never comfort. Try as you might, you just can’t get Logan to accept you. You want to. So desperately, you want to be something good for him. But he hates you, or at the very least, he can’t stand you.
You don’t know what it is about Jean that he craves, but you wish you could replicate it. You’re not your friend, though, you never will be. And it’s pathetic, trying to change yourself to make someone else happy. You’ve never done that before. Yet, there is something about Logan that you want so desperately to help.
You clean his wounds, metaphorically because he’s never once needed anyone for that. You lift him up after a rough mission and you remind him that the team does need him. They do love him. They want him in that uniform beside them, even Scott.
You have your suspicions that he doesn’t appreciate your efforts. He’s never outright said anything to you. But you can tell the novelty of your kindness is wearing off. He used to brush your efforts off with a simple look.
But he’s begun to be mean, saying these little things that you can never completely call out. A lot of what he says is based in truth. “Do you ever stop talking?” No, you don’t. You like talking with your friends, like sharing stories, and laughing together.
“Has anyone ever told you to fuck off?” Yes, and it hurt. And it continues to hurt. “Why don’t you just shut up for once?” You can’t. You can’t because if you stop talking, if you stop distracting yourself then you’ll actually feel everything. You can’t stop talking, you can’t stop taking care of others because you cannot take care of yourself. You’re incapable of it.
You can’t say that he’s being rude or mean. He’s just being blunt, and gruff, that’s just how he is. That’s what everyone tells you. They tell you to just ignore when he’s being a dick because he doesn’t really mean it. That’s just what he does because he doesn’t know any other way.
You shouldn’t have listened. You shouldn’t have placed so much faith in others. You should have just left him alone. Maybe then he wouldn’t have snapped, wouldn’t have said such cruel things to you.
It broke you a little inside. Hearing what he really thought of you. Despite it all, despite the cruel words and harsh attitude, you had hope. You thought they were all right, that he just needed to warm up to you. And you so desperately just wanted to be something for him to lean on because you’ve never had that before and you know what it feels like to be so lonely.
“Hey, Logan.” You step into the kitchen, rooting around in the fridge for something to snack on. “Weren’t there apples in here?” You’re talking aloud, but it’s meant for yourself.
It’s that moment that it all finally comes crashing down. This pathetic illusion that he wants anything to do with you or your friendship. It almost makes you laugh, that this mundane moment is when you feel your heart shatter in your chest. When you get so sick to your stomach your bones ache and your limbs tingle with this odd phantom pain.
“Could you just shut up?” his voice is low as he leans over the counter. His fingers spin idly around the neck of a beer bottle. You wonder how he managed to sneak it in here, Charles has banned alcohol. You watch the condensation collect on the cracks of his palm and shrug the pain off.
You’re used to this. This is normal. “Right,” you squeeze past him and look in the pantry. “Sorry,” you whisper, if you speak any louder your voice will crack and that will just make everything worse.
“You’re just always around, aren’t you?” You glance over your shoulder at him but you don’t respond. Deny it as much as he wants, you have gotten to know him. You recognize the tells.
He’s had a bad day, he needs a way to get it out of his system. You just happened to walk into the kitchen at the wrong time. It could be anyone he snaps at, but today it’s you. Which seems to be happening more often.
You do what you did when you were a kid, eyes forward, face flat. You keep yourself neutral, let yourself sink into that apathetic place so whatever he yells at you doesn’t hurt. “You tiptoe around me, act like I’m this wounded stray you need to fix.”
Your brows pinch in confusion and you shake your head. Second mistake. You shouldn’t have walked into the kitchen in the first place. And you definitely shouldn’t have argued. “No, Logan, that’s not true-”
Although, maybe he has a point. You can’t fix yourself so you try and fix him.
“I don’t know why they keep you around. You contribute nothing, you do nothing for any of us. We can’t even take you out on the field,” his voice begins to raise and you find yourself backing into the cabinets, hating the way this is beginning to make you feel. “You’re so fucking sensitive we can’t trust that you won’t just kill us all if something goes wrong! You don’t deserve a spot on this team!”
You jump back as he shouts at you, hip jamming into the corner of the island so hard you have to bite your lip so you don’t make a noise. Spit flies from the corners of his mouth, the ferocity of his voice and words are that strong.
You take in a few quick breaths, blinking the sting out of your eyes and focusing on the wall behind him. “Get it through your thick fuckin’ skull,” he warns, his voice quieter now. “I don’t want you around. Leave me alone.”
You don’t cry, you can’t cry. You don’t speak because you’re afraid of what other cruelties that might provoke. Maybe you would understand all this if you’d been bugging him when he’d already made it clear he needed space. All you wanted was a fucking apple.
You don’t feel much of anything as you slowly nod your head, not agreeing but appeasing. He watches you with something like surprise on his face. You don’t know that he’s wondering why you’re not saying anything back.
It’s why he yells at you when he doesn’t know what to do. You can take it, you can put him in his place. But you’re not speaking and he doesn’t know why this time is so different.
Finally, you turn on your heel and leave, footsteps soft as you retreat back to your room. Logan watches you go with an odd twisting feeling in his stomach. He didn’t think you could be pushed too far. You seem to always just have this endless patience.
You treat him gently, even when the others get sick of the way he processes things. Today was hard, you just happened to be nearby. He didn’t mean half of what he said. He doesn’t know why he lashes out the way he does, he just doesn’t know what else to do.
He doesn’t like it, contrary to what the others think. He doesn’t like hurting you or being mean to you. He doesn’t know what it is about you that provokes this side of him that no one else does. Maybe it’s because he’s afraid. He can’t say what he’s afraid of, he’s never been able to admit it to himself.
He’s yelled at you plenty of times before. You don’t know what it is about that one day that was so different. Normally, it doesn’t bother you. You’ll set him straight or give him space. But today, it was needless. You weren’t doing anything.
You didn’t deserve to be lashed out like that, cornered and scared in the place you call home.
It was unprovoked and maybe it finally made you see him for what he really is. A bully. It doesn’t make sense, how he can be so kind and caring to Marie. How he can help Jean and Ororo so sweetly, but can’t muster one kind fucking word for you.
You don’t let yourself cry, even though you want to. Even though there’s a cloying, suffocating feeling clawing its way up the back of your throat. His room is on the same hall as yours and you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he made you cry.
You, at the very least, finally stop asking yourself what you did wrong. Instead, you start to wonder what’s wrong with him. You get sick to your stomach, thinking about all the ways you cared for him. Remembering how much of yourself you gave up to make him happy.
He was right about that, you are pathetic. He never deserved your help or your patience. You should never have offered him any grace. You’re embarrassed that you didn’t see it sooner. This isn’t a little boy pulling your pigtails because he likes you. This is a grown man who can’t regulate his emotions and decided you were the next best punching bag.
You take in a few deep, shaky breaths and close your eyes until you’re forced to fall asleep. You don’t want to think or feel any of what just happened.
Logan hovers in front of your doorway for ten minutes before he heads downstairs. He’s got a class to run, he doesn’t have time to wait for you to wake up, he reasons. He’ll find you later and apologize then.
It didn’t take a genius to realize he had gone too far yesterday. Even if you could take his usual level of dickishness, you didn’t deserve it. He just didn’t know what to do around you. You made him confront so many different conflicting emotions. It’s like every time he looks at you his brain is being ripped in twenty different directions and he doesn’t know what to do.
You’re so endlessly patient and gracious. It makes him realize he wants to be a better man and he can’t be. He resents you slightly for that. For having such a wonderful idea of what he could be, even though he knows he can never be that man.
He doesn’t find you that day. He makes up enough excuses that he goes to bed promising himself he’ll apologize tomorrow. Which he never does. Because actually saying it would be an admittance that he knows what he did was wrong. And what does that make every other time he’s yelled at you? What does that make him?
It returns to the same cycle it always does. He waits a few days until things are cooled down and you’ll have already forgotten about it. He starts to feel overwhelmed and he goes to find you because you always know what to do. And if you don’t, then you provide an outlet.
He spots the back of your head in the gardens. You’re with Jean and he expects the usual dirty look she gives him after you’ve both fought. Instead, she smiles warmly at him and waves. Which is odd, usually you tell her about what’s happened between the two of you and she holds the grudge longer than you do.
You glance over your shoulder, a small smile on your lips, to see who she’s waving at. Logan sees the way it falls when you see him and his steps falter. You never do that, you always look so happy to see him.
“Jean,” he greets curtly, eyes on you.
She says hello and they both look to you. Normally, you would have already spoken. But you don’t, you turn your eyes to the kids. Jean frowns and turns back to him, “Everything alright, Logan?”
He can’t take his eyes off of you. You read his moods, and know them better than he does. You should have already offered to talk. Maybe he really does need to apologize. The thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth.
He says your name and your brows just barely raise in question, though you couldn’t seem less interested. “Need to talk to you.”
You shrug, “Sorry, can’t. I’ve got a meeting to get to.” You brush past him and walk back into the mansion. He and Jean both watch you go, each of them shocked by how dismissive you were. That’s never happened before.
“What the fuck did you do?” Jean demands, the smile gone from her face and her tone deadly. She glares at him, clearly expecting an answer. But he doesn’t have one. Because this is something he’s done a million times and this has never happened. He doesn’t know what’s gone wrong.
He thought your absence would be a relief. After a few more days he begins to realize that he was wrong. He thought that not having someone constantly badgering him to be better and set good examples for the kids would be a relief.
There’s no one nagging him. No one forcibly checking on him after a mission when he doesn’t need it. No one to care.
There are chunks of his day that you would normally fill that now seem to drag on. Lunches are quiet without you constantly rambling about nothing in his ear. When there’s friction among the team and they’re ganging up on him, you remain silent. He supposes he should be grateful.
You finally listened to him for once. But he’s angry. He always seems to be angry and he doesn’t understand why. There is so much of his mind and life that was stolen from him. He wonders if he got any of it back if it would explain why he is the way he is.
It doesn’t matter because it wouldn’t fix what he can’t undo. He sees you with the others constantly. You’re always laughing, always happy. Like nothing’s happened. Like you haven’t cut him out of your life completely. And then, when you’re around him, it’s like a switch is flipped.
You’re irritatingly silent. Practically a brick wall. He pokes and he prods, using every weapon in his arsenal to try and provoke a reaction from you. But you give him nothing.
There is an ache in his chest when he sees the way your smile drops when he walks into a room. He doesn’t understand the feeling. This is exactly what he wanted. To be left alone.
It feels so wrong.
It happens in the kitchen again. Odd, that that’s become such an important place to you.
Your back is to the entrance and you’re busy slicing up some fruit for yourself. You don’t hear him come in. Not until he speaks. “I’m-” you jump at the sound of his voice. Whirling around with a shocked look on your face.
He chuckles a little at the reaction but when you don’t smile he stops. “I’m sorry,” he blurts out. It sounds semi genuine. But it also sounds like it hurt him to say. “I’m sorry, so can you please just stop ignoring me?”
You shrug and go back to cutting up the fruit. “I’m not ignoring you.”
“No?” He demands. “Then why don’t you talk to me? Why don’t we eat lunch together anymore? You can’t even fucking look at me.”
You slam the knife down on the cutting board, taking in a deep breath so you don’t do something you regret. Your nails dig into your palms, trying to center yourself. “I’m doing exactly what you wanted,” you utter, voice low.
You turn just enough to make eye contact. “I’m leaving you the fuck alone. That’s what you wanted right? I don’t think I could have misheard while you were screaming it at me.” You turn to leave, abandoning your fruit because you don’t have an appetite anymore.
“I didn’t mean it,” he whispers before you can make it out of the kitchen. “I,” he stops and starts again, “I miss you. I’m not a mean person, I don’t know why I hurt you.”
You stare at him, face unflinching. You give him nothing and he knows it's what he deserves. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I’m not asking for it-”
“Good,” you cut him off with a disgusted sneer. “Because I’m not looking to hand it out. Especially not to you. You only want me because you miss what I do for you. You don’t deserve my forgiveness. You don’t deserve me.” You turn on your heel and walk away from him, unwilling to entertain any more conversation.
This is what you’ve always done. When someone hurts you, really irrevocably hurts you, they’re gone. They’re gone from your life. From your mind. More importantly, your heart. You don’t have any obligations to entertain him or speak with him outside of professionalism.
You thought cutting him out of your life would hurt more. But it’s like you can breathe for the first time in months. You’re no longer striving to gain someone’s approval. You’re not chasing after something you’ll never catch.
You can find happiness within yourself. Begin to do the things you would do for him, for you. It’s a relief. And a little sobering. Perhaps, in your mission to help him, you’d burdened him with the desires you had for yourself.
You believe that you’re unfixable. You believe there are facets of yourself that are too dark to face. That you are undeserving of love and kindness. You recognized those things in Logan and tried to force on him what you’ve always wanted for yourself.
It was wrong. A mutually toxic relationship that never would have made it far had anything actually happened between you two. You can’t paint yourself the victim and you never meant to. It’s why you didn’t tell anyone what happened between the two of you.
They wonder, of course, why you no longer spend lunches together. Why you no longer rush to defend him when he doesn’t need the help. Why you don’t smile around him anymore. There are questions that you deflect. Saying, you just needed space from each other.
Your harm was a silent one. Forcing him into a mold he was never going to fit in. Despite the claims of loneliness, you can see the way your absence benefits him. He’s calmer, less likely to yell when provoked. He just needed the space to find himself. Not to have someone try and make him something new.
You feel an ache in your chest when you think about how differently things could have been had you just let him be. If you had let things happen between the two of you naturally then maybe you really could have been something great.
A month goes by without speaking to each other. After that day in the kitchen, he seems to understand that there’s no putting back together what was broken. It was already cracked to start with, the break was inevitable.
You warm slowly to him. Give him polite greetings when you see him. And he smiles at you sometimes, on the jet when Scott says something ridiculous, or just in passing. It’s nice, being a stranger to him. It’s comforting.
“We need to stop meeting like this.”
You look up from the paperwork in front of you and give Logan a small smile. He’s hovering in the entrance to the kitchen and you know he’s waiting for your permission. “Hi,” you say softly.
He takes that as the go-ahead and walks in, heading for the fridge. You listen to him rummage around before he pulls out a beer. “Where do you hide those things?” You ask, and you almost bite your tongue. This is the most you’ve spoken to each other in a long time. It feels wrong to joke so easily.
“Can’t tell you or Wheels is gonna stop me,” he grumbles. You just nod and turn your head back to your paperwork. It’s silent for a few minutes after that. He sits a little further down the island, nursing the beer while your pen scratches across the reports your students gave you.
He clears his throat and you glance over at him from the corner of your eye. “I,” he starts but quickly closes his mouth. “Ah, forget it.”
Your brows pinch in confusion but you decide to leave it. You oddly don’t feel scared or anxious. You don’t worry that he’s going to snap at you if you provoke him. You choose not to because you’re not interested in engaging.
You don’t really recognize the man before you. Maybe it’s because you never tried to get to know him before you tried changing him. It causes that familiar clenching feeling of guilt in your gut.
You know if you gave him a chance things would be different. You could be friends, real friends. There’s a reason you latched so readily onto him. There’s a familiar pain in him that’s reflected back in you.
You stand up, shuffling the papers into a neat stack and pushing your stool in. Logan straightens up as he watches you wash off your dishes and collect your items. Before you can make it out of the kitchen he’s standing from his chair.
He stops in front of you, hand outstretched before him. “Logan,” he greets.
You tilt your head in confusion, glancing between him and his hand before it finally clicks what he’s trying to do. Start over, reintroduce yourselves. Actually give each other chances to understand the other.
This all started because you shared the same pain and you resented each other for it. But you could comfort each other instead. Be pillars of stability and strength in each other’s lives instead of trying to tear the other down so you don’t see yourself in them anymore.
You were both too afraid to face who you truly are and it nearly destroyed you. But this is a stranger in front of you. You don’t know this man, but you think you’d like to. You give him your name and shake his hand firmly. “Nice to meet you,” you whisper, a slight joke to your tone.
He holds on for a second longer than he should, the breath rushing out of him like he hadn’t thought you would accept. You smile softly at him before you pass by to go upstairs. His hand lingers on your, skin tingling under your touch until you can no longer hold on.
You don’t know what it means for you, this odd new truce between the two of you. But you won’t linger on that tonight. You’ll go to bed feeling comforted that for the first time since you’ve met him, Logan has made you happy.
a/n: felt more like a diary entry than a fic, sorry lol
end. — I do not own the characters or the comics/movies Wolverine/X-Men, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © not-neverland06 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.
General Taglist: @evasmlp
Logan Taglist: @nonamevenus @smexy-bucky-waifu @wh1sp @peony-always ♡
#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#wolverine#wolverine fic#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett#logan howlett imagine#deadpool and wolverine#hugh jackman
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mood - Matt Sturniolo
summary: matt wakes up in a bad mood, which leads to an argument, however, you find a way to make him desperately apologise.
contains: nsfw, oral (m!receiving), arguing, angst, fluff.
——————————————————————————
matt stirs in the sheets, grumbling as he sits up on his elbows.
i look over at him, my back resting against the headboard,
“how’d you sleep?” i ask chirpily, putting my phone down beside me.
he shrugs in response, walking into the bathroom.
i press my lips together in a thin line, he’s usually not energetic in the morning, but he’s also not like this.
i peel the blanket off of me as i stand up out of bed, walking into the bathroom. matt’s brushing his teeth, not even batting an eye to me as i wrap my arms around him from behind.
he shrugs me off of him, “can you get out, ‘m about to piss.”
my eyebrows furrow, “i’ve seen you naked like a trillion times.” i laugh,
“i don’t care, get out.” he says with a look of disgust on his face, nudging me with his elbow.
“right.” i mumble, slowly walking out of the bathroom.
he slams the bathroom door in my face.
i almost gasp, “what the fuck!”
he stays silent in response, the faint sounds of him shuffling around in the bathroom is the only thing that i can hear.
-
matt walks into the kitchen, his sweatpants slung low around his waist, paired with a black shirt.
“do you want me to make you breakfast?” i ask, leaning on the counter.
“no?” he mutters, pushing past me and opening the fridge, grabbing a root beer.
“matt- soda for breakfast?” i exclaim,
“since when did you give a shit? you’re not a health expert yourself, are you.” matt reply’s, glaring down at me.
“what is your problem today?” i snap, my voice raising.
“god you are such an idiot” he says, his eyes narrowing.
i go silent for a second.
“no, why are you acting like an actual toddler.” i say back, running a hand through my hair.
“why are you such a sensitive bitch?” matt snaps back, every word that comes out of his mouth is hurting me.
“who the fuck are you talking to!” my voice wobbles as i attempt to argue back.
he scoffs, his attitude at an all time high “genuinely pathetic.”
that’s enough for me.
i grab his wrist, yanking him harshly and slamming him down onto the couch.
he hits the couch with a small groan.
i drop down to my knees, grabbing his sweatpants and tugging them down.
his eyes are wide as he looks down at me “no’ m fucking mad at you” he attempts to say, but his sentence is cut off by a loud whimpers as i wrap my lips around his tip.
“oh fuck-“ he breathes, his hand reaching round and gripping the back of my head.
i swat his hand away as i take more of him into my mouth.
i pull off of him for a second to speak.
“hands by your sides.” i state, spit coating less than half of matt’s length.
he nods frantically, hands by his sides, clutching the fabric of the couch.
“i expect an apology.” i mutter, leaning down again and swirling my tongue around matt’s cock.
he throws his head back, “o-oh.. my god-“ he whimpers,
my pace is fast as i take more of him down my throat.
“feels so good- thank you- thank-“ he babbles, squeezing his eyes shut as he clutches the sofa harder.
i bob my head up and down, i reach my manicured hand up and wrap it around what i can’t fit of matt in my mouth.
i twist my hand at his base as i continue to force him down my mouth quickly.
“i’m so sorry- fuck- so sorry- i didn’t mean it!” he rambles as his dick twitches in my mouth.
“f-fffuck… i love you” he moans out, his hips starting to buck up, forcing him deeper down my throat.
“i’m so so close- you’re so good-“ he groans, his tattooed hand starting to clutch his shirt.
“oh my god!” he raises his voice in a whiny tone as he bucks his hips up a final time,
his release paints the insides of my mouth, i quickly swallow it before pulling off of matt.
his hair is stuck to his forehead, his cheeks a deep hue of red and his legs spasming slightly.
his abs are clenched and his lips are parted, his expression much softer than earlier.
he peels one eye open at me, drool runnning down my chin.
his exhausted face grows into a wide warm smile,
he leans foward and grabs me under my arms, pulling me up onto his lap.
he wipes his finger across my chin,
“you know i love you, and i didn’t mean anything i said, i promise you. i was off because i had some really fuckass dreams i swear to god- like i was kind of terrified when i woke up” he laughs,
“oh god matt.” i giggle,
“i know, it won’t happen again though, i’m sorry.” he sighs,
“for the record, the next time we get into an argument i am not giving you a blowjob for you to apologise me.” i smile,
“oh- no, i totally get that-“ he laughs, matt’s cheeks flush a deep pink again as he wipes his eyes
-
@jayz4dayz4 4 @sassysturniolo2008 @nyktoxs-lover r @nathando-64 esgf @starsturns234 @chrissturnsss s @joemamaaa42069 9 9 @sturnthepot t t @zayyluvz z z @realuvrrr r r r @livialifesblog @sturnioloblogs s @riowritesitall l l @raysmayhem-72 @sturnsdoll @obvisturns @stupid4sturniolo @meerkatzthings @witchofthehour r @rosalierenee43 @gabrielle-brun1 @ilovemymannnnnnn n @sturnioloxlver r @buckys-goodgirl @sturniol0s @ilovemymannnnnnnn @chr1sgirl4life @luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya a @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney y y @lovingchrissposts @333michelle e @h3arts4harry y @jamiesturniolo o @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @ @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @ev3rgreenxtrees enxtrees @certifiednatelover r r @solarsturniolo @mattsenthusiast t t t t @yomamaslays4lyfe e @peachmelbaesunpostre @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 9 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc c c @mattscoquette @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @bitchydragonparadise e @sturni0l0tripletzz z 0 @ratatioulle @sturnsforlife v @mattsonly @justalittle47 7 @sunsetsturniolos s @downbad4reid
#sturniolo#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo smut#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo angst#nicolas sturniolo
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