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readyplayerhobi · 6 years ago

Text

Peppermint | 01

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, future light angst

; Word Count: 10.6k

; Synopsis: Achieving your dream job is something that very people manage to do, which is why you��re all the more happier when you land a job on the film team at Poppin’ Culture; the biggest pop culture website, blog and YouTube channel around. What you don’t expect however, is to fall for the exceptionally shy and awkward colleague who is not even remotely your type. Or is he?

; A/N: This is just what I’ve been writing to try and get back into the swing of things. It’s just...light and fun. Was supposed to be a one shot but it’s getting long and it feels like a good place to end as a first part! Please send me thoughts, comments and encouragements as it’s a struggle to write lately ;-;

01 ; 02

“And this is our main office. It’s open plan, as you can see so I hope that doesn’t bother you too much. We’ve found it works better to just throw ideas out in the open or to just get reactions so feel free to shout out if you need something. Everyone’s very friendly,” Seokjin smiles at you brightly, his thick lips turning up and making his eyes sparkle behind his glasses as he leads you into the wide open space. “And this is your desk. Feel free to decorate it however you want. Nothing will beat the car wreck that’s happening on Jimin’s desk.”

“Hey! This is artistic mess. Everything has a place and there is a place for everything.” The bubblegum pink haired man in question half stands, a finger pointing threateningly while his pearly white teeth peek out from beneath plush pink lips. You can’t help but smile, as his slim frame and cute cheeks make him look distinctively non-threatening and ruin any hope he has of convincing you otherwise.

It could also be the fact he looks like a hipster from Seattle with the thick, black plastic frames delicately placed on his nose and the retro 80s film shirt with an open black and white plaid shirt over the top. Still...he’s rather pretty and you wonder momentarily if you’ve somehow entered another dimension with astonishingly beautiful people.

Either that, or you’ve walked into the set of some reality TV show but you’re not quite willing to break the Matrix programming just yet.

Seokjin snorts and rolls his eyes, lifting a ring laden hand to brush his black hair out of them. It’s hindered slightly by the tan beanie on his head and you’re momentarily distracted once more by his impressive frame. The white shirt with the Jaws film poster on it stretches rather enticingly over his broad shoulders while his black, ripped jeans are snugly secured with a leather belt that has a Superman belt buckle.

Honestly, how were you meant to work in this place?

He’d already introduced you to Namjoon, the creator of Poppin’ Culture who oversaw all aspects of his slowly booming media empire along with Namjoon’s wife, Chaeyoung. She oversaw the HR aspect of everything and had been your first point of call before Seokjin had come down to retrieve you upon getting the call that you had arrived.

Seokjin is the editor of the Poppin’ Culture website, which is the big daddy of the whole enterprise. It had originally started 10 years ago in Namjoon’s university bedroom apparently, just posting reviews of retro films and any new films that came out.

A decade later and it was the biggest source of pop culture news, blogs and entertainment in the Western hemisphere. The website scores over 250,000 hits a day with the blogs averaging a pretty healthy number too and the YouTube channels generating a steady enough income to keep a small team afloat with ease.

His sheer love of all things cultural meant that Poppin’ Culture had expanded far beyond its original remit of film and now had something for everyone. There was the film blog, the gaming blog, the music blog, the television blog and even the book blog. And you’d heard rumours of them branching into sports with talk of a fighting blog and channel appearing soon which would be interesting.

Sports were a whole other thing in the world of things people obsess over.

Either way, you’d been rather desperate to get a job here when the opening had appeared on the job listings website for a new in house content writer. When you’d found out that you’d got it, you were pretty sure that you’d almost deafened Sunmi with your screams of excitement.

As a film major with an English literature minor, it was perhaps the dream job to combine both of your loves together and work with people who were just as enthusiastic about the world of film as you were. Your friends and family had long since grown bored of how you picked apart the latest films or their trailers, but now you would have an audience of thousands that would not only be receptive to it, but interested too.

In your earlier meeting with Namjoon and Seokjin, they’d laid out your responsibilities for you pretty clearly. Given that you were in your six month probation period, you would be expected to create two blog articles a week with the possibility of writing a video script if it was approved by the video team.

Two articles may not sound a lot, but you’d already been informed that you would also likely have to do some indepth research into the topics to provide factual information, along with making sure it wasn’t something that had been done before. Not only this, but you would be expected to be constantly scouring the internet to find new topics of interest and trying to catch the latest leaks before they even happened.

While you’d been hired for the film team, you’d been told that most people tended to dip into other areas to help out or if they had some particular interest in it. As such, you could be expected to possibly be asked to find out the Top 10 Facts About The NES or 15 Things You Never Knew About Taylor Swift or something.

Wasn’t the most scintillating of things to you, but you were willing to branch out and help if necessary. It was a small team and you understand that sometimes you’d need to pitch in when it was required of you, which in turn meant you knew that you could rely on the same help.

“Jimin is our music guy. He’s the one who usually writes the music blogs and videos but he also does the gaming stuff sometimes. Also has a regular book blog where he reviews obscure international books because that’s his thing.” Seokjin says, rolling his eyes as he leans against the desk.

Jimin’s desk is littered with piles of CD cases - who even uses CDs anymore? - along with three different pairs of headphones. He also has a ton of Funko Pop! Vinyl figures that you recognise to be musicians along with a set of Assassin’s Creed characters. You recognise them because Sunmi’s ex-boyfriend had them too.

“Really? You’re going to come into my space, and ruin my time while insulting me? Am I going to wake up tomorrow morning to find you shitting on my lawn too?” Jimin slumps back in his chair, pulling a pair of pink and white headphones over his head to rest around his neck while eyeing the taller man with narrowed eyes.

“You live on the top floor of an apartment building ‘Min. What am I? A wizard?”

“I wish. Maybe you’d wingardium leviosa your ass off my damn desk.” He grumbles, nodding his head at you. “Have you ever read In The Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami?”

The question is so sudden that you’re left standing with wide eyes, shaking your head slowly. You’d not read a lot of translated work in college, though you were hoping to change that. Jimin sighs and slumps in his seat, clicking on his mouse a few times.

“Fucking weird dude. Still not entirely sure what went on it.”

Before you can even respond, Seokjin is leading you over to the desk behind Jimin. This desk is even messier, only you really can see the artistic mess here. It’s covered in pencil sketches that are stacked haphazardly while a high tech looking electronic drawing pad takes up most of the space with even the keyboard pushed away.

The guy sat comfortably in the green and black gaming chair has a black beanie on his head too, only he has platinum blonde hair that covers his eyes. And what pretty eyes they are when he looks up at you; as if someone has reached up into the sky and plucked two of the brightest, shiniest stars and placed them directly onto him.

“Oh, hey. I’m Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook. I’m the graphic designer here...with a side passion of actual drawing obviously. I mostly use Photoshop but I like to get a bit hands on.” He talks rapidly, his voice quite deep but soft. Pausing, he bites on the black lip ring embedded in the right side of his lower lip before sitting back.

The vibrant and colourful tattoos that run up and down his arms do nothing to hide the obvious fit physique he has and you find yourself dragging your eyes away from that ridiculously broad chest. He’s only wearing a black shirt but my god.

Seokjin lets you both talk for a little, discovering that if you need anything made graphics wise then to let Jungkook know. Apparently he’s the head designer and has two more people under him; Jennie who deals with a lot of designing and Soyeon who handles their website and online shop.

You’re then introduced to Yoongi who is in charge of sound for the videos. He’s pretty quiet but friendly and bright, secluded away in the corner of the office with a soundboard in front of him, while his co-worker Lisa, a video editor, is entirely the opposite. They’re both sat on the same bank of desks, and the difference between Yoongi’s monochromatic desk and Lisa’s bubblegum pop explosion is almost amusing.

The video game team was made of Miyeon, Yugyeom and Baekhyun who all took up the corner on the opposite end of the office to you. You weren’t a huge gamer, but apparently the video game side of Poppin’ Culture was one of the most popular and profitable so you could understand why they had the largest team compared to the others.

Your desk is opposite Jimin’s, allowing you a view of him if you look to your right and it looks sparse compared to everyone else’s. The guy behind you is Taehyung and you’re pleased to discover that he’s friendly and warm with a bright box smile that makes you feel at home instantly.

Taehyung is the other content creator on the film team and someone that you’ll be working closely with, though apparently he also works with Jimin on music. From the short conversation you have with him, it seems that Taehyung mainly specialises in foreign film and you surmise that you’ll be left with most of the more mainstream options with the Oscar bait films being split between you both.

He seems enigmatic enough, with the white ribbon wrapped around his neck and billowing white button up shirt that ends with a pair of baggy, tan trousers. He’s not wearing any shoes, or socks, and you wonder if that’s a violation of something somewhere but no one seems to be saying anything.

His entire desk is full of various plants, artistic photographs in elegant frames and beautiful old film posters in miniature form. A photo of a black and tan Pomeranian is eagerly introduced to you as Yeontan, his dog and you can’t help but laugh at how excited he is to show off his lil pup.

But perhaps not as excited as you when you discover that Friday’s are ‘Bring Your Dog To Work’ day. Apparently Taehyung, Yoongi and Jennie all bring their dogs and it usually ends up just being people playing with them.

Yep, definitely the best workplace already.

“Hey Hoseok, come here before you sit down.” Seokjin calls out to the late entry into the office before looking at you. “I’ll introduce you to our head video editor. He’s the one who usually helps with recording videos, then he’ll edit it all together. He works closely with Jungkook for graphics and if you write a script then he’ll work with you to see if you want anything extra added in like humourous cuts, edits and so forth. He’s got Lisa on his team and a guy who works part time, Taemin.”

The man in question almost shuffles forward, a delicate looking hand gripping the brown fabric strap of his shoulder bag tightly while he looks down at his scruffy, black Converse clad feet as Seokjin introduces you to him. He looks about the same height as Seokjin, though all you can see is a head of messy chestnut brown hair and black circular lens glasses that looks like they’re going to fall off his nose.

“Nice shirt.” You say with an encouraging smile, wondering why Hoseok looks like he’s trying to crawl through the floor mentally. He looks up at that with almost shockingly wide eyes and you almost groan out loud.

This place is blessed or cursed. You’re not sure which yet.

He’s wearing a faded Jurassic Park shirt, the famous logo sliced by ‘dinosaur’ claws, while a pair of ever so slightly baggy and ripped denim jeans are kept up by an oversized tan fabric belt, the end trailing down to his knee. A knit grey cardigan covers his arms and you find it oddly endearing how it’s slipping off one slim shoulder, obviously far too big for him.

The shoulder bag he’s carrying also has the Back to the Future logo on it and you point at it with a grin. “Great Scott! I like your bag too.” You point then at your own chest, your shirt emblazoned with the Back to the Future logo and frown as his eyes dart down before his cheeks flush bright red.

His obvious shyness just seems to make him more endearing to you, and you let out a quiet laugh. There’s an almost awkward silence for a moment as Hoseok just stands there, giving Seokjin tiny glances before he finally sighs and points to the desk behind yours. Hoseok almost bolts there, disappearing behind the iMac and you look back at Seokjin with a raised brow.

He kneels down so he’s closer, the music of the radio that’s blasting out 80s classics drowning out anything he might say to you. “Hoseok’s a good guy, he’s just a little socially awkward. A hard worker, and he’ll do anything you ask but...it’s a little hard to get him to open up. Keep trying though, he will occasionally have a full conversation with you and I keep trying to make sure he’s included so he doesn’t feel left out. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how he is.”

Nodding, you turn on your own iMac and wait for it to boot up before going through the process of getting everything ready for you to work. Given it’s your first day, Seokjin just gives you some simple tasks to go through to help familiarise yourself with their method of working before leaving you to your own devices.

It’s as you’re sat reading through the style guideline for the blog that you watch as Hoseok suddenly appears in the corner of your vision. He’s rolled over to the edge of his desk, hands flipping through the stacked letter tray there as he searches for something while he presses his lips together and blows his cheeks out. You can’t help but watch him with idle interest as he does so.

He’s definitely cute, in fact he’s more than cute. Hoseok is actually stunningly beautiful and from the side, you’re getting to see his arresting profile with ease. A strong jawline swoops in bold lines on his face while his nose is a straight slope with the gentlest turn at the end, his lips thin but full enough to look delightfully kissable as he pouts suddenly without thinking as the tiny frown of concentration causes his strong brows to fold in.

As he finds what he needs, you watch as he disappears back behind his screen before sighing quietly to yourself.

It’s probably not very moral, but you definitely had enough new material to keep your spank bank going for a good few months now. If nothing else, you should thank Namjoon for that.

“Did you watch Roma yet?” Taehyung asks, rolling his chair backwards until he appears in your vision. His wispy blonde hair lays straight on his forehead as he rests his hands behind his neck, letting his long sleeved blue sweater stretch across his torso. It’s unusually tight for someone who basically lives in baggy clothes; you’re pretty sure he’s even worn his pyjamas once.

Over the last three months of you working at Poppin’ Culture, you’d understandably grown close with Taehyung as you’d bonded intensely over your love of film. It turns out he was also a film major with a photography minor, meaning he was exceptionally invested in the artsy films or just films with great cinematography.

You’d already been subjected to two passion filled rants of his about Mad Max: Fury Road and Blade Runner 2049 as being prime examples of great cinematography in big budget cinema. It was okay though, as you’d already chewed off his ear about why you thought Aliens was one of the best sequels ever made in history and he’d listened with interest.

There was nothing better than someone who was willing to indulge in your long winded talks about your favourite films; from cult classics to obscure favourites to Hollywood blockbusters. Your rapport with him was so good in fact, that Seokjin had had you do a test video with him to see how well you worked in front of the camera.

The results must have been positive as you’d been given a weekly film podcast with Taehyung that talked about the week’s releases along with any news in the film world. If there was time then you both would regale viewers with your favourite films and analyse them.

So far, it was doing pretty well and you were pleased with the numbers it was pulling in. Not to mention that people seemed to like your inclusion into the videos, which was why you’d ended up in a few other videos around music or even gaming just to voice over them. Taehyung had obviously been a hit.

He had a face for the camera and you’d already jokingly suggested in many a team meeting that they should make merchandise with just his face on it. His little fan club even named themselves ‘Taes Baes’.

“No, I haven’t had chance yet. I’ve been watching The Sinner, I’ve only got like two episodes left but I’ll check it out at some point! Alfonso Cuarón makes such good films; Gravity is still amazing and I’m still mind boggled at the sheer complexity of how that must have been to film with all the CGI they had to do but I feel like Roma looks a little more stripped down.”

Taehyung is nodding slowly, biting his lip almost absentmindedly as he listens to you. “Gravity is great, but you should definitely check out Children of Men. Much better, but Y Tu Mamá También is also phenomenal if you don’t mind the sexual scenes. But yeah, watch Roma. Definitely going to be a bit hit with the awards season and I can see him getting Best Director at the Oscars.”

“Really? It wouldn’t surprise me.” You muse, leaning back in your own chair and crossing your legs as you watch him now.

“Yep. And if he does win, then that’ll be his second Best Director win and it will also mean that Mexican directors have won five out of the last six. They’re killing the Oscars game lately. I still wish Barry Jenkins had won for Moonlight...way better than La La Land.” He sighs wistfully before nodding at your computer screen inquisitively, the beginnings of your latest blog post on the screen.

“Oh, I’m writing why I think Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse deserves the Best Animation at the Oscars. I liked The Incredibles and Ralph but if they win over the magnificence of Spider-Man then I will flip this table.” Pointing to your desk jokingly, Taehyung giggles sweetly.

Your desk has also changed over the last few months as well. A few cute Funko figures of your favourite Star Wars characters have popped up along with one or two more stylised figurines like your Xenomorph alien. Along with that, you’ve invested in some funky letter trays and pots to just bring some brightness to portray your personality a little more.

“I’ve not watched it yet. I know, feel free to pinch my arm. Hoseok has watched it though, he mentioned it the other day. Hey Hoseok, come here bro.” He calls out loudly, turning slightly to watch for the quiet man who spends his days on the computer behind yours.

Slowly, and adorably you might add, Hoseok’s meek face peers around the side of both his and your monitors as he stares owlishly at Taehyung beneath those outdated glasses. You’d say they were ugly, and they were, but he seemed to pull them off.

His hair is hidden today beneath a sand coloured beanie, leaving his entire face exposed and you coo softly at his tiny folded ears. It wasn’t something you’d noticed till Jimin had one day pointed over to the video editor, whispering words of adoration to you as he stared a little moon-eyed and lamented how his own ears didn’t look that cute.

It was beyond endearing, along with the slight pout his lips were pursed in. He probably hadn’t been listening to your conversation and so had no idea what was going on.

You’d noticed that Hoseok either kept an earphone in at all times or covered them with over-ear headphones when he wanted to work hard and not be disturbed. He certainly wasn’t rude but he definitely didn’t seem to be hugely confident in making conversations with people.

That didn’t stop people from trying to include him though, and you got the definite sense that everyone in the office adored Jung Hoseok and simultaneously wanted to hug him and protect him. You certainly did, and you were quite pleased that no one bullied him.

He, unfortunately, had the demeanour that would attract the attention of assholes but Seokjin and Namjoon ran a tight ship here. You did kind of wish that he got included in more outside events though.

“S-sorry. W-wh-what?” His voice is soft, the perfect mix of deep and high as he stutters out a response to Taehyung. The long sleeved shirt he’s wearing is almost salmon pink and has some generic looking cartoon on the front. It looks warm, and you find yourself lamenting the fact that you hadn’t brought a cardigan with you today.

“Spider-Man, the new one. You said to Jungkook that you’d watched it right?” There’s a moment of hesitation as Hoseok’s eyes flick to you before he’s nodding slowly. Almost immediately you grin brightly, not noticing the way that Hoseok pauses with his breath caught before his shoulders shift up to his ears.

“Oh my god, wasn’t it so good? The animation is just beautiful, it makes me want to scream. Like those cityscape shots? Could easily be mistaken for a photo if you just showed someone it. And the perfect blending of the different art styles of the Spider-People and god the music was so good. Miles is amazing and if it doesn’t win then I’m gonna Hulk out,” You pause and look at Taehyung who’s smirking in amusement. “Seriously, I don’t even know how to describe the animation. Think 3D...but not. You get me, right Hoseok?”

Hoseok’s eyes go astonishingly wide once more as you question and his mouth opens and closes a few times as he struggles to find an answer for you. He just settles for nodding quickly, reaching up to pull his beanie off and sort out his hair.

The chestnut locks have gone a bit wild under his hat and you have to bite your lip to stop laughing at how it goes all over the place, though another part of you wants to aww at how cute he looks.

“One day Hoseok, one day I’ll get you to spout poetic bullshit about a film you love.” You tease lightly, tapping at your gel wrist rest that lays alongside your keyboard to ease the pressure on your wrists as you type. He swallows audibly, causing you to laugh out loud while Taehyung chuckles and shakes his head.

“Hoseok has fucking terrible film taste. He thinks Batman v Superman was actually good.” Jungkook calls out and you turn to look at the graphic designer. He’s reclining in his chair, hands over his stomach with an ankle hooked over his knee while he observes the scene on the other side of the office.

Jimin is in the exact same position behind him while he nods his head sagely and you gasp in horror, a hand to your chest as you look back at Hoseok. “Say it isn’t so Hoseok.”

The man in question looks like he wants to sink through the floor as he gives a meagre shrug. Your wail of horror has him cringing while everyone else in the office sniggers and Taehyung pats your back in consolation.

“This can’t be. Why? Is it because your mom is named Martha too?” Jungkook lets out a bark of laughter at that while Jimin creases, folding over in his chair as his forehead rests against his knees from the force of his laugh.

Hoseok attempts to speak a few more times before he frowns deeply, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. “N-no. That was d-d-dumb. I just like Batman. I-i-it’s not my favourite f-f-film but it’s not terrible.”

You lean back and stare at him, raising a brow slowly as you narrow at your eyes at him. “What is your favourite film then?”

This is probably the most you’ve talked to Hoseok in the whole three months about non-job related work. You’re actually surprised he’s engaging this far, and you study him closely to make sure he doesn’t look uncomfortable or unhappy. The last thing you want is him to get upset.

But he doesn’t back down from your question, instead staring at something on his desk intently before looking back at you. You almost lean back in reaction, the intensity of his gaze far stronger than you’d expected and you’re surprised to feel a slight stirring of sexual lust for him. While you’d always acknowledge he was handsome - wasn’t everyone in this place? - you’d never quite seen Hoseok in a ‘oh holy cow’ light until right now.

“I-I-I don’t have one. B-b-but I like Jurassic Park and Blade Runner. And the Godfather. Oh, and Big Hero 6.” He adds as an afterthought, and you feel oddly proud that he didn’t stutter throughout the rest of the conversation. It was obviously just a nerves thing, but you kind of hope that he’ll get a bit bolder if you keep trying with him.

“Good choices. Solid. Not pretentious like the avant garde master here. He probably watches his porn in French black and white too.” A casual thumb thrown in Taehyung’s direction gets you the finger in response.

“It’s black and white softcore German, you heathen. No one does the group sex quite as good. The camera angles when there’s so many bodies.” He kisses the tips of his fingers before blowing them in the air, causing you to stare at him with a slightly grossed out face.

Looking at Jimin, you shake your head. “You know, I’ve only known the two of you for three months now. But I can easily see how you started dating. You with your weird music and books and Taehyung with your pretentious films.”

Taehyung gasps theatrically before smiling, fully aware that you’re joking around with him. Jimin on the other hand, snorts loudly and sticks his tongue out at you. “Hey, there’s nothing weird about my music choices. And what the hell. You’ve been listening to Billie Eilish non-stop lately according to your Spotify. And while she’s incredibly talented, I wish she’d lighten up a little.”

Turning to look at the cotton candy haired guy, though his hair was mostly hidden today by a black ball cap, you raise an eyebrow slowly. “Firstly, don’t insult Billie like that! Her songs are beautiful and soothe my soul. And also, this coming from the guy who listens to Morrissey. Unironically, I might add. Your opinion is invalid in this conversation.”

“...You know what. I can't even argue that. You right.” Jimin shrugs in defeat and sits back while Taehyung makes consoling noises at his boyfriend from his seat.

The delicate snort from behind your monitor makes your eyes widen, causing you to shift over slightly to watch Hoseok as he giggles. His white teeth peek out at you as he bites on his lower lip to try and contain his laugh.

And from how pretty and sweet it sounded, you wish he wouldn’t. The soft noises he lets out are oddly infectious, causing you to laugh in turn with a pretty dopey expression on your face and making you completely oblivious to the sly look Jimin and Taehyung are sharing.

“You love Imagine Dragons too, right? Hoseok listens to them all the time.” Taehyung says helpfully, gesturing with his chin towards the man behind your monitor.

Spinning back, you look at Hoseok with a happy grin and clap your hands together excitedly. “Oh my god, yes! I’m in love with Bad Liar right now, and Zero is so fun. I think Jimin keeps laughing at me for dancing in my seat.”

Hoseok doesn’t respond to you properly though, just nodding his head and smiling slightly as you playfully glare at the slim man across the office.

“On the subject of dating though...Hoseok. Have you ever had a girlfriend before? Or boyfriend, if that’s your thing.” Jimin asks, his tone not even slightly sly and you look at him in surprise. If he was trying to not be obvious, then he was being about as subtle as the Seattle Space Needle. Surely they’d already know this right?

As far as you’ve gathered, Jimin has been at Poppin’ Culture for four years and Taehyung for three. The two had started dating two years ago and despite your teasing, you were already confident that they were two of the cutest couples you’d ever seen.

Hoseok though, had apparently been with the company for years. He’d gone to college with Namjoon, Chaeyoung and Seokjin and had a film production degree. Namjoon had started Poppin’ Culture when he was 19, in his second year, and Hoseok had come on board once they’d branched out to a YouTube channel.

Still, you’re surprised by the way Hoseok’s cheeks go bright red and his eyes dart to you for a moment before he’s looking down at his desk once more. A wet tongue peeks out of his mouth quickly as he licks along his lips to wetten them, coughing to clear his throat before he’s looking back up at Jimin with a frown.

“Would you like the name of my e-e-ex-girlfriend? I’m s-s-socially awkward, not inept.” You suck your lower lip between your teeth as you look at Jimin with a ‘wtf’ look. As nice as he was, he was a bit blunt and you felt that situation could have probably done with a little more tactful handling. Hoseok looked like he could fry an egg on his cheeks and Jimin winces at the glare both Taehyung and you give him.

“Sorry man. I was out of line. I didn’t mean to insult you.” The apology is sincere in tone, with Jimin ducking his head and turning back to his work. You watch carefully as Hoseok eyes the younger man before letting out a quiet sigh and nodding his acceptance.

The atmosphere is slightly awkward now, and you’re desperate to make Hoseok less uncomfortable which is why you find yourself blurting out words you immediately want to swallow back up. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve not had a boyfriend since I was 20 and I’ve not been laid in four years.”

Almost immediately your hand is slapping over your mouth as your eyes widen in horror, apologies falling from your lips like honey as your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

Not only are Hoseok’s eyes resembling dinner plates, his jaw dropped open in shock, but so is just about everyone else’s in the office. Well, that’s certainly one way to make him feel better about himself you guess.

“I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone, we need to be careful with her. She’s going through some tough times. Only 26 and already looking at a life of non-sexual fulfilment.” Taehyung drones deeply, his voice faux-sincere and you glare at him while pushing his hand off your shoulder.

“I will delete your folder of obscure foreign films.” You hiss at him through narrowed eyes, causing him to burst out into laughter as his hand slaps his thigh in amusement.

“Oh god, you crack me up. I need to thank Seokjin for hiring you, seriously. God, get on with your Spider-Man boner before you accidentally reveal something else way too intimate for the workplace to know.” He snorts before rolling back to his own desk. The office thankfully goes back to normal after that, the low level of chatter competing with the soft sounds of today’s playlist.

Looking at your screen, you’re distracted momentarily by the sight of Hoseok still in view just around your monitor. He’s looking at you in that way people do when they’ve checked out, their brains focused on something else entirely and you watch him back in amusement until he realises.

Almost immediately he cringes, bowing his head slightly and giving an uncomfortable smile before sliding back out of view. Smiling, you shake your head and pop your headphones back into your ears as you get back to work.

You’re oddly pleased to see Hoseok stand up for himself bluntly, and you remind yourself not to baby him. He’s a grown man after all, older than you.

The flashing of your phone lets you see that you’ve got a new notification from Facebook, and you roll your eyes as you click on your screen to see what it is. What you see however has you slowly smiling as a flutter of butterflies take flight in your stomach and you tap accept eagerly.

You have a new friend request: Jung Hoseok

The next few weeks roll by quickly with Taehyung and you becoming inundated with awards season nominations, ceremonies and just general Oscar bait films. It had even resulted in a whole ‘Top 10 Oscar Bait Films’ video on the Poppin’ Culture Film YouTube channel which had proven remarkably popular, even spawning a sequel that was generated purely from user comments.

You’re actually surprised with just how much you continue to love your job, even with the sheer pressure of blog and video deadlines constantly breathing down your neck. And it doesn’t take you long to realise that it’s because of the people you work with who make working that overtime all the more sweeter.

Jimin is genuinely hilarious and when paired up with Jungkook he becomes hysterical. Lisa has easily become your female work best friend, with the two of you Skyping all the time on your work computers and soon venturing out into the world to go to dinners, concerts and the cinema while Taehyung is an incredibly hard working colleague who always keeps a close on eye on how you’re doing.

It’s genuinely one of the best places you’ve ever worked and you thank all your lucky stars that you’d been accepted because you were pretty sure that you were making some of the closest friends you could.

And then there was Hoseok.

Jung Hoseok still remained a mystery to you and you weren’t entirely sure why you so desperately wanted to figure him out. Or maybe not figure him out, because you kind of liked how shy and mysterious he is.

The rest of your colleagues have been pretty open books and you were pretty sure that you were on the verge of receiving daily updates on Jimin and Taehyung’s sex life - you were that close with the two. But you still knew almost nothing about Hoseok and it drove you wild.

What was even more annoying was the fact that only you were apparently bothered by it too. The others just shrugged and said that he’d always been quiet and introverted, so they just made it clear to him that they were there if he wanted to talk or make friends with them. Apparently he never went out on the workplace socials and he rarely talked to others via text or Skype.

Which kind of infuriated you, because it probably was true that Hoseok preferred to be alone and lost in his world of music. But there must be something horribly isolating about never getting invited to things or never being included, which is why you kept trying to include him in your own conversations. The others would sometimes talk around him, but you always tried to make sure that he felt comfortable and included in your conversations.

Taehyung had honestly admitted in a meeting that he wasn’t entirely sure why you kept asking Hoseok things, pointing out that you might be annoying him. But you’d countered with the fact that you always gave Hoseok plenty of options to slip out of the conversation, yet he would continue it on sometimes.

It had been then that Taehyung had flushed a pretty golden pink, nodding his head as he acknowledged the fact that Hoseok had opened up more in the last few months of you being here than in the years he’d been here. That on its own had made your heart hurt. No one could enjoy being so easily disregarded, no matter how quiet and introverted.

Currently though, you were slouched on your couch with your best friend, Sunmi, as you both ate pepperoni pizza while watching Avengers: Infinity War for the bajillionth time. You, because you just loved the film, and her because she really loved Chris Hemsworth.

Honestly? Mood.

“I swear, this is the most badass entry scene of any entry scene in all of film,” You blurt out randomly, lifting your fist as Thor appears on screen in the middle of the battlefield and shouting out alongside him. “Bring. Me. Thanos!”

Sunmi snorts elegantly from your side, taking a bite of greasy pizza and chewing slowly while she eyes up her fictional man with pleasure. A hum of delight leaves her when Thor meets up with Captain America and you laugh, poking at her side.

“Imagine being in a Chris sandwich.” She looks at you and wiggles her carefully put together eyebrows before giggling.

“I wish. God, they can wreck me any day. You know, I can’t believe that you get to watch stuff like this and then write about it or make a video about it. Why can’t I just laze around and do that? Do they have an opening for me?” She pouts at you, placing the crust back in the box before wrapping her hands around your wrist and playfully whining.

You laugh loudly and take a bite of your own slice. “For what? Sorry Elle Woods, but you’re going to have keep your bending and snapping for the judge and jury. I doubt Poppin’ Culture - The Law Version will be very popular.”

“What about if I wear a hot pink bikini?” She says seriously, her face carefully blank as you give her a droll stare.

“Yeah sure, lemme give PornHub a call. I’m sure they’ve got a whole audience just waiting for their law lectures from Bikini Girl 3.” Sunmi shrieks with laughter at that, rolling backwards until her head is hitting the arm of the sofa and relaxing into the pile of cushions there.

Reaching her foot up, she prods at your thigh annoyingly until you push her away with a sigh.

“So, how is your work though? You’ve been spending a lot of time there. Which, by the way, is ridiculous. I only spend extra time doing work if I’m getting paid for it because I do not enjoy my job that much.” Sunmi sighs heavily, letting her arms fall behind her head as she turns her gaze back to your large television screen.

“Okay firstly, it was your decision to take a law degree. Your parents are assholes but they’re not dickish. They would have been fine with you being a doctor instead. Secondly, you make so much money an hour that you shouldn’t complain. You can literally buy a pair of Jimmy Choos with an hour.” Closing the pizza box, you lean forward and place it onto your wooden coffee table before leaning back and patting your stomach affectionately.

“Firstly you bitchass, I don’t make a lot because I’m still not fully qualified yet. It costs a lot to be a lawyer and the work is boring because I’m in property law. Yawn. Secondly, I hate property law but I would’ve passed out being a doctor. Blood and snot? No thanks. Maybe I should just give it all up and go back to college to become an artist.” She says dreamily and you look over at her with a raised brow.

“Do it. If it’s what you want. Your life shouldn’t be made on a decision you did based on what your parents wanted for you, as much as you might want to make them happy. They’re not your life, and you’ll burn out quicker if you do something you hate.” Sunmi just hums before shifting the pillows until she’s looking at you.

“Still. It’s nice that you’re enjoying it. I’m happy for you. I need to meet this Lisa, so you better set up a playdate or something. If she’s banging, I may just bang her. I mean, if you’re alright with that. And she likes girls.” Sunmi wiggles her brow and you laugh, shaking your head slowly.

“I think Lisa swings both ways honestly, so go for it. She’s pretty and cute with a really nice and fun personality. I wish I could introduce you to Jimin and Taehyung as well. They’re funny individually but hilarious together. Urgh, I wish I had someone the way Jimin eyefucks Tae across the room.”

“Does he realise you can see that?” She asks, an incredulous look on her face and you nod with a laugh.

“Oh yeah. He just gives me an innocent smile. They’re fun though and make me laugh, it’s like a family.” You sigh softly, slumping down further into the couch pillow. Sunmi’s quiet for a few seconds before speaking again.

“What about that quiet guy? Hoseok right?” Pausing, you chew on your lip as you stare blankly at the screen and wonder how to describe him to her.

“Hoseok...is sweet. Quiet but sweet. He doesn’t get involved in conversations of his own accord still, but I include him and he’ll get more involved now. We even have whole conversations just him and I, particularly about our love of 80s films though they’re not very long conversations. It’s nice, I’m literally watching him become more integrated and it’s kind of annoying that everyone just let him stagnate in his isolation. Like, seriously. Did no one ever think that maybe he doesn’t get involved because people have let him isolate himself? It’s hard to pull yourself out of that, and he’s obviously trying.” You don’t even realise you’re half ranting until you see Sunmi’s bemused smile, causing your cheeks to heat.

“Anyway, yeah. He’s a lot more caring than people think too. He just doesn’t show it in ways that you or I would, nor does he talk about them. Like...the other week I came in one morning to find a tube of dissolvable vitamin C tablets on my desk. When I asked where they’d come from, Hoseok Skyped me and said that he thought I looked like I was lacking a bit of vitamin C and to take one with water every day. And then when I was feeling a bit tired, he made me a cup of green tea. I swear Sunmi, he was so sweet and adorable because he kept stumbling over his words while telling me that green tea was healthy and rejuvenating but he didn’t like the taste so he always has peppermint and he hoped I liked peppermint too.”

Sunmi says nothing for a moment and you look at her in confusion, wondering why she’s suddenly decided to be quiet. It’s not like her to not get involved in your conversations, only she’s staring at you with wide eyes and a pretty mouth that’s fallen open.

“Oh my god. You like him.” Her words cause you to pause, frowning immediately as you shake your head in denial.

“What? No I don’t. I mean, yeah as a friend. Or I hope as a friend, but not anything more than that.” She lets out a peal of high pitched laughter while sitting up, looking closely at your face with those mahogany eyes of hers.

“Yes, you do. Oh my god, he is not even remotely your type from the sounds of it yet you’re falling hard girl. Show me a picture of him.” You want to keep denying her, mind spinning from what she’s come out with as you wonder where she’s got this impression from.

But once Sunmi has made up her mind, then it’s game over for everyone else. Sure enough, you find yourself scrolling through your phone on Facebook to find a nice picture of him to show her. And as you look through his, admittedly few, profile pictures, you pause for a moment as you realise that maybe she’s right.

Only people who like someone try and find the best looking picture of them, too afraid that their friend or family member will laugh and think their crush ugly. The swooping sensation in your stomach is confusing, and you don’t know whether it’s shy excitement or just plain old nausea.

Finally deciding on a picture of Hoseok that has obviously been taken in a coffee shop, you turn the phone screen so she can see. It’s got dim lighting, and has looks to have been taken on a Polaroid style camera from the style of it but he looks good.

In fact, he looks beautiful and his bright smile kind of takes your breath away.

He’s just wearing a plain white, long sleeved shirt with dark brown hair parted in the centre, the strands laying carelessly on his forehead while those beautiful chocolate eyes stare out from behind the lenses of his glasses. The table blocks anymore view of him and yet you can’t help but feel the fluttering in your stomach slowly spread along your veins.

Hoseok’s smiles are still rare, but they’ve slowly been becoming more frequent as you continue to talk to him. And every time you think he should smile more often, because he has a face that’s made for a smile.

His mouth is stretched wide with perfectly white, straight teeth showing and the force of the expression causes his eyes to narrow, soft tan cheeks looking adorably kissable.

Oh, you’re totally fucked.

“Holy shit…are you kidding me? This is Quiet Guy? Shy Guy? Holy fuck girl. He’s gorgeous! Look at that smile, oh my god. And he has such pretty eyes, that’s just not fair. Oh, please go for him. I know I said that he’s not your type because you normally like either those hipster guys or bad boys but he looks like he’d be so good for you. He looks kind, like you’d call him and say you’re sick and he comes right over to make you food and wraps you up in a blanket before cuddling with you, telling you that you need body heat to stay warm.” You look at her with a raised brow as she takes your phone and scrolls through his photos.

“And he obviously likes you.” Her words throw you then, causing you to frown as you stare before finally asking why she thinks.

“Because you said it yourself. He talks to you, even when he doesn’t talk to the others. You’ve said he keeps conversations going with you. He added you on Facebook first and he’s taking care of you in a weird but cute way of flirting. Like I said, he looks like he’d be a good boyfriend because he’s already trying to make sure you’re healthy and okay.”

She hands your phone back and points at the screen, where a new photo of Hoseok is. It’s not from his profile pictures, so you just presume it’s one that someone took of him and tagged him in. He’s asleep on his side on a couch, his right cheek smooshed into a pillow while his other looks soft and round. Pink lips pout in his sleep, the ends turned up while his lashes remain firmly closed and his hair is all over the place.

You have the strongest urge to reach through the screen to kiss his cheek.

“I think you should think on it, because I know you. And you’re probably having a little internal argument right now about whether or not you like him. But...if you decide that you do. Then I think you should go for it, because he looks nice. Get to know him a bit more, get him to open up his walls to you a bit more and then see if he really is interested. It’s been a while since you smiled like that about someone, and even longer since you searched through their pictures to find me the most flattering.” Dammit, you knew she’d figure you out.

You don’t respond though, simply locking your phone and placing it down on the cushion next to you as you both turn your attention back to the film. But you can’t help the what if’s that float around in the back of your mind, wondering if perhaps she’s right not only about yourself, but also him.

Did Hoseok like you?

Quite understandably, your interactions with Hoseok are suddenly tinged with a film of awkwardness as you contemplate the fact that you quite possibly like your shy colleague. And that’s to say nothing of how closely you watch his interactions with you to see if there’s a chance that he likes you in the way you like him.

Honestly, anyone would think you were 14 and not 26.

But he made you feel like a teenager though. The fluttering of nervous excitement in your stomach whenever he would look at you with that soft, bashful smile he’d give you whenever he caught your eye in the office. The way you would feel sad resentment when he was ill or was working from home and so didn’t come in.

How could you not though? Not only was he soul wrenchingly handsome and pretty, he was also thoughtful with the few conversations he would engage in and he was so sweet and kind.

When you’d complimented him on the peppermint green tea he’d brought you the other week, you found yourself with a mug being made every time he got up to go to the kitchen. You’d be completely absorbed in your work, staring at your screen intently with headphones in to keep distractions at bay, when you’d suddenly smell the pleasant scent of peppermint drifting to your nose.

And then you’d look to your side and see a fresh cup of tea sat there, steaming slowly in your Star Wars mug.

A quick glance behind your screen would let you see Hoseok staring firmly at his screen, refusing to look at you and yet his cheeks tinging a rosy glow that made your heart tug. It was only fair to respond in kind, and so you’d taken to making him a cup of your favourite tea as well, delicious salted caramel, and leaving it on his desk.

He hadn’t complained, so you took that as a sign that he enjoyed it too.

Maybe others would look at your interactions with laughter or bemusement, but you liked them. If he was flirting with you, because let’s face it you were flirting with him, then you were quietly excited and hopeful. You could cope with glacial, as long as it would hopefully result in something at the end.

Currently, you were attempting to film a video talking about the films that were snubbed completely at the Oscars. Taehyung had written up the script for you but was suffering from a winter cold at home. You’d claim man-flu, only you’d video called him and seen the dark circles under his eyes, sallow skin and bright red nose as he’d sniffled and snorted his way through your conversation.

As a result, you’d had to grab your emergency make-up kit from your drawer and rush to the bathroom to apply it. Today had been a lazy day; meaning you were just wearing a pair of ratty black jeans and an ancient Star Wars shirt that had once been black but was now an odd shade of grey.

Once you’d felt that you looked at the very least passable to the potentially thousands upon thousands of people who would be watching your face, you rush back through the office to place your kit back before heading over to the recording room. Tapping on the door lightly, you open it up to find Hoseok and Lisa inside as they set up the camera and lighting.

Already, the big ring lights are glaring and you’re feeling hot as you move over to the two, watching as they mess with the camera before checking over the computer on the desk next to it. Lisa moves around to the front, standing over the duct tape X on the floor and clipping the tiny microphone onto her shirt while waiting for Hoseok.

He’s wearing a plain white shirt today with a yellow and black check shirt open over the top and a plain pair of jeans. For some reason, he’s apparently decided to emulate Jungkook and is wearing some tan Timberland’s as well, though they surprisingly work well with the outfit.

You’ve noticed that Hoseok isn’t exactly the most fashionable person, but he’s yet to wear something that you find genuinely offensive. In fact, you often find that he manages to look hot even when he really shouldn’t. Maybe it’s just a talent attractive people have?

Hoseok gives a small nod to Lisa as his eyes flicker up from the screen, the light being reflected in his glasses. Lisa begins to talk random nonsense, performing a soundcheck to make sure the microphone is working properly while also making sure the camera’s fine.

Once done, she helps you to thread the microphone through your shirt and clip it on while placing the main pack into your back pocket. You stand on the X while going over the script that you can read on the screen reader facing you on the table.

Lisa slips away while you’re busy practicing, going through quick vocal exercises to warm your voice up as you continue to read over what you’re going to say. In your mind, you’re already visualising what the video will look like and you kind of feel sad that Taehyung can’t do this. It’s a good script.

“Okay. Are you ready?” Hoseok’s voice is soft and light, every word sounding like it has been cautiously thought of before he speaks it. You smile slightly as your head nods forward in response to him before clearing your throat and clenching your hands a few times while letting out a deep breath.

“Am I in the right place?” Looking down at the floor, you make sure that your feet are squarely on the spot and Hoseok looks through the camera before giving a cute okay symbol with a wink and pressed smile. It causes you to bite your own lower lip, desperately keeping inside the ‘cute’ that wants to escape.

“Okay, recording in three...two…” He stops speaking after that and mouths out the final one before pressing the button to record, a red light sparking to life on the camera and immediately you’re smiling brightly.

There’s no real pressure on you to do a good take in one shot, because Hoseok will be editing the scenes together and making some shorter to suit the video anyway. But you don’t really like wasting unnecessary hard drive space for him if possible. Plus, it just means he has to stare at your foolish facial expressions for longer and you’d really rather not.

On that note, it’s a little unfair that he gets to watch your face up close with a 4K camera. Actually, you’ve never thought about that before and almost immediately your brows crease at the thought of him seeing every pore and blemish on your skin. Christ, the camera does not do anyone justice and you want to whine at the thought of him seeing all your bad points in such harsh lighting.

When you don’t actually start speaking and instead start making a distressed face, Hoseok’s head peeks out from behind the monitor and he frowns at you in turn. Eyes focusing on his pretty visage, you have to squint slightly to see him properly from behind the astonishingly bright lights set up but you shake your head to reassure him.

Rolling your head on your shoulders and blowing bubbles with your lips, completely unaware of the tiny amused smile on Hoseok’s lips as he watches you through the monitor, you force yourself to get back into the zone.

The rest of the hour spent recording goes more or less like usual, with multiple outtakes when you mess things up and cause yourself to laugh. One of the hardest things of recording videos is just being able to being able to speak properly. You’ve had to learn to over-enunciate sometimes to avoid slurring your words together, because that just encourages hate from viewers.

And you are not in the mood to get hate. It’s already hard enough being a female commentator on the channel, and you’d had to grow some pretty thick skin in both the comments and on your own social media.

But there were plenty of equally great people too in fairness, and you’d even kind of got to know some regular viewers from the constant interactions you got both on your videos and on your own Twitter account. It was nice to have a mini fan club of people who were willing to defend you against the trolls and raise you up when you’re feeling down, though it’s not nearly as many as Taehyung’s extortionately big legion of fans.

There’s only a few major mishaps this time, with a few pronunciations of your words going horrifically bad and you find yourself cringing. Hoseok has a good chuckle on occasion and the bright bubbles of his laughter make you smile in turn, heart sparking with happiness at making him laugh.

Once Hoseok gave the signal to indicate that he was pretty happy with the recording, you let your shoulders drop while your head falls back on your shoulders, a deep groan leaving you as your entire body relaxes. Reaching to pull the microphone and its pack from under your shirt, you move over to Hoseok as he turns the light and camera off before he’s checking over the computer to transfer the new video files to his solid state drive.

“Did everything look good in it?” You ask, leaning your hip against the desk while your arms cross over your chest. Hoseok pauses for a moment at your close proximity before looking up at you slowly, his beautiful brown eyes looking sweetly innocent and big as he takes you in.

It’s still ridiculously endearing how shy he gets around you, but what you like even more is how it’s only when he’s not doing work related things. The last hour has been spent with him practically bossing you around, barking out polite requests when you’ve moved out of frame or have said something wrong.

He wasn’t mean about it or anything, he just took his job very seriously and it’s what made him such a damn good videographer and video editor. He knew what he needed and wasn’t afraid to tell people what to do in regards to that, so the sudden reversal back into the meek Hoseok tugged at your heart.

“Y-yeah. You did good. Less bad shots today.” You pout at him theatrically before pushing lightly at his shoulder, just enough to make him rock where he stands.

“Hey! There’s no need to be mean. You make it sound like I’m as bad Yugyeom! I don’t mess up that bad.” Lower lip sticking out, you look down at the floor until Hoseok lets out a soft and breathy laugh, shaking his head while adjusting his glasses slightly.

“I-I didn’t mean-. I’m not saying anything else,” He looks at you and gives you a wry smile. “I-I’m not stupid. I think I’ve dug enough of my own grave here.”

You can’t help but laugh out at that as you lean forward, body moving of its own accord before you move around him and rest your hand on his shoulder. It’s warm and solid beneath your palm, even through the layers he’s wearing and you swallow in sudden awareness of the firmness of him.

He freezes in place subtly as well, the muscles under your fingers tensing a little as neither of you move for a moment. It’s the first time you’ve ever touched him, and neither of you really seem to know what to do.

Swallowing, you let out a chuckle that’s a little higher pitched than you perhaps intended but you try to make it sound as natural as you can. Even if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed now when your hand feels warm and bizarrely sweaty.

“Funny, you’re way funnier than I thought Hobi!” The nickname you’d overheard Seokjin calling him once slips out without meaning to and you cringe with gritted teeth behind his back, taking your hand off his shoulder to pinch your leg at your stupidity. “Well, I hope it goes well. Let me know if there’s anything you need from me or just when it’s done so I can look it over? Thanks and bye!”

You can’t stop how fast the words fall from your lips, a faucet stuck on full when what you really want is a vault so tight not even the crown jewels of England can get out of it. Giving him an awkward smile, you book it out of the recording room as quickly as you can and leave him alone.

In fact, you go so fast that you don’t get to see the way Hoseok watches after you with widened eyes of shock which soon melt into half-moons of unguarded happiness in the quiet room. His hand shakes as it moves up to press at the place your own hand had been, the skin feeling prickly underneath and his breath shakes as a hesitant smile slowly paints its way on his face.

You don’t see that, nor do you see the way he pauses on a close up of your face with a fond smile before closing the programme down and leaving.

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seinafukufuku · 6 years ago

Photo

Fukuoka Seina | Google+ 31 March 2019

こんばんふくふく(^_^)

Good evening-fukufuku (^_^)

なんて投稿するのも一年ぶりくらいになりますね。

Somehow it’s been around a year since I’ve posted huh.

とてもとてもお久��ぶりです。

It’s really really been a while.

そして、もしかしたらはじめまして。

And so, perhaps you could say this is my first time.

ですが今回が最後の投稿です。

And yet this time will be my very last post.

中学2年生からお世話になったぐぐたすこと

Ever since I was a 2nd year middle school student, I’ve been indebted to Googleplus

Google+さん。

Google+ san

まだ公式モバイルのブログしかなかった15期に

The 15th gen who didn’t have official mobile blogs

初めて自由に大勢のファンの方が見てくれるSNSとして

The SNS that could let us freely communicate to many fans at once

やらせて頂くことになったのがこのぐぐたすでした。

It was decided it would be this Googleplus.

今日1日あったこと、

What my day was like,

自分の思っていること、

What I was thinking about,

自由に発信して

I could freely send it out to you

自撮りを積極的にするようになったのも

I’ve reached the point where I can proactively take photos of myself,

というかしなくちゃいけなくなったのも

As well as saying the things I have to say

SNSがあるからこそだなと思います。

It’s only because this SNS was there, I think.

自撮りは本当に苦戦したなぁ。。笑

Taking photos of myself was really a struggle ahh... haha

全然上手く撮れなくて

I completely couldn’t be photographed well

でも、人に写真を撮ってもらうのも恥ずかしくて

But, asking others to take photos of me was embarrassing

少しずつ人のマネをして撮っていって、、、と。

Little by little, I could take photos by copying others,,,

そんなことよりも、

But compared to this,

なによりもファンの方のコメントがすぐ見れて

Best of all, I could see all the fans’ comments immediately

会話ができることが嬉しかったなぁ✨

I was glad I could talk with all of youuu✨

漢字クイズや

Things like the kanji quiz

キャッチフレーズの掛け合い

Discussion over my catchphrase

メンバー同士の会話

Conversations with my fellow members

一つ一つが本当に楽しくて、夢中になって。

Each and every bit was really fun, like I was in a dream.

そして、

And so,

謝らねばならないことが、、、

I have to apologise,,,,

おはよーラジオ(仮)という自主的に始めた

I started GoodMorning-Radio (temp) of my own initiative

音声だけのラジオ風の投稿。

An upload of a voice-only radio show.

何か変わらなくちゃいけないと思ったあの時

At a time where I thought that it was no good if I didn’t change something

中学3年生の秋かな？？に始めたこのラジオ。

In the autumn of my middle school 3rd year I think?? I started this radio.

目標の50回を超えて次は100回だー！！

My goal was to do it 50 times, then a 100 times —!!

と意気込んでいたのにも関わらず

But despite this enthusiasm

89回←←←

89 times ←←←

おい！！！全然やん！！

Oi!!! That’s not it at all!!

最初の方はまだー？？なんて聞いてくださる

Those who were here from the beginning are still—?? Somehow those who listened

ファンの方もいて、

those fans,

今では知ってるファンの方がいるのかどうか、、笑

And whether there are fans who are only finding out about it now,, haha

その節は本当にこめんなさい！！！

I’m really sorry about that time!!!

でも、このラジオを通して

But, throughout that radio show

新しい会話が生まれたり、

new conversations were born,

気になって握手会きたよ✨って言ってくださったり

I felt like going to the handshake event yo ✨ were words I received

頑張ってるね！！なんて声をかけてくださるのが

Do your best okay!! Hearing those words called out to me

嬉しくて。とても励みになりました。

made me happy. I really tried hard.

嬉しい時も悲しい時も

The happy times as well as the sorrowful times

このどこまでも書けるスタイルが

That style that I could write no matter what was happening

私はとても好きでした。

I really liked it.

最近では長文を書くのも少なくなってきて

Recently, I’ve been writing fewer long sentences

それでも「せいちゃんの文が好きだよ」

But still “I like Seichan’s sentences”

と言ってくださる方がいて。

There are still people who say this to me.

これからもう少し長文にも

挑戦してみようかな🦊🦊

From here on, I think I’ll try to take on the challenge

Of writing sentences that are a bit longer 🦊🦊

4月2日でこのサービスは終わってしまいます。

This service will end on 2 April.

本当はどこかでずっとこの今まで投稿してきたもの達が

保存できたらいいんだけど、

Really, even though it would have been great if the posts I’ve made until today could be saved somewhere,

そうはいかないので

Because that’s not going to happen

ぜひこれを機会に過去の投稿を読み返して

Definitely please take this opportunity to look back on the posts I’ve made before

この時のせいちゃんはこうだ��たのかとか

Seichan was like this at that time

この時こんなことがあったなぁと

Things were like this at that time ahhh and

振り返ったり、

Thinking back on those times,

知ってもらえたら嬉しいなぁと思います😊

Remembering them makes me happyyy, I think

長々と書いてきましたが

I’ve been writing for very long so

そんなこと知らないや！！！って方も

“Hey I don’t know any of that!!!”

もちろんいると思います。

There will definitely also be people like that, I think.

今私のやってるSNSは

The SNS I use now,

そのまま見れる物はTwitter、Instagram、755、

For my daily life, Twitter, Instagram, 755

動画はSHOWROOM

SHOWROOM, for video,

コンテンツはAKBMail、公式モバイルブログ

and (indepth) content would be found on AKBMail, the official mobile blog

とたくさんあります。

There are many I use.

ひとつひとつ自分の今思っている

Each and every one, the things I think about right now

一言一言を大切にして

Each and every word is cherished

皆さんにこれからもお届けしていきたいと思います✨

From now on I want to be able to keep delivering my words to you ✨

たくさんのことを楽しんだぐぐたす。

Googleplus, where I had a lot of fun.

みてくださった皆様、

Everyone who kindly watched me,

そしてこのサービスを生んでくださった方々

As well as the people who kindly created this service

本当に本当にありがとうございました！！！

Really really thank you all so much!!!

だいすきでした！！！

I love you!!!

22時頃に良かったら最後にキャッチフレーズ

Tonight at around 10PM, if you like, the last catchphrase call

参加していってください＼(^o^)／

Please join in \ (^o^) /

Hahaha, it’s been a long time for me too huh! I’ve completely shifted over to twitter but since I started this blog for translating Seichan’s Google+ posts,, I thought I should do this one too just to close the loop. Anyway, once again, I’m... still... just using a dictionary to translate these so that’s about the standard of the accuracy, I’m sorry. If you’ve finished reading this whole thing, thank you very much!! Please continue following Seichan on her Twitter @seina_fuku48 and mine, if you want, for bad twitter translations, @pppalioxis.

#Fukuoka Seina #AKB48 #idol #googleplus

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sage-nebula · 7 years ago

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Since the Gen VIII games are going to be Switch titles, I really, really, really want them to go the open world route, a la Breath of the Wild. There are a lot of reasons for this, not the least of which being that Breath of the Wild is the best game I’ve ever played, but I think that they have the potential to really do something incredible by combining Pokémon with an open world aspect, particularly since it would be a breath of fresh air for a series that has been strangled by linearity and restrictions in recent titles. (Particularly in Gen VII; when you’re not even allowed to visit the clothing shop in a city without progressing the plot first, there is a real and definite problem.)

With that said, we have to consider how Game Freak would craft a plot around an open world style game, since (unlike The Legend of Zelda) Pokémon is a role-playing game first and foremost, and therefore the story is actually important. While Nintendo crafts The Legend of Zelda titles around whatever gameplay mechanics they want to explore, Game Freak crafts Pokémon games around whatever themes they want to express. I can’t predict what theme Game Freak will try to explore next, but I can still try to find one that I think would fit an open world title . . . and to be honest, I think I have it:

Freedom of choice.

Part of the beauty of Breath of the Wild is that you could choose to experience the game however you wanted. There was no linearity; you could take on the Divine Beasts in any order. You could skip them entirely and, after the requisite beginning game tutorial (which doesn’t take that long at all and, to be honest, hardly even feels like a tutorial) rush straight to Hyrule Castle to face off against Calamity Ganon. Yes, you would likely die, but the point is that you can do it even if it isn’t wise. While I don’t think it would be possible to make a Pokémon game that open to the player’s whims, I think that Game Freak could still restore a lot of freedom back to the series, and perhaps even expand on the freedom that we experienced back in the first generation, when there was hardly any story, but we were rarely prevented from doing something if we so chose to do it. (In fact, the only notable barricades I can think of were the old man blocking your way until you delivered Oak’s parcel; the thirsty guards who refused to let you pass until you brought them a drink; and the Badge requirement for the League. Otherwise? You could pretty much go wherever, even if it meant you got stuck in Rock Tunnel for sixty years because your dumb ass went in there without HM05 Flash.)

With that in mind, I think that freedom of choice could be a really interesting concept to explore. Tying legendary pokémon to this might be a tad difficult, as I feel we already have series legendaries which sort of brush against this theme (e.g. the lake trio from Sinnoh have representatives for spirit and will, for instance). Then again, that hasn’t stopped them before. Celebi was associated with time before Dialga showed up, and Mew was supposedly the first ever pokémon until Arceus reared its head. They could probably create a legendary to represent freedom / choice if they wanted, although to be honest, I don’t think that’s necessary. In fact, it could be neat to not have a legendary at all . . . or if there is one, have it not be a legendary of choice, per se, but rather tie its involvement in the plot to the player’s choices.

To that end . . .

Obviously, though this would be open world, it’s still in the PokéWorld, and we aren’t doing any massive time jumps. Thus, we need to base this region on a place that would offer a lot of exploration. Personally, I think basing a region off a country like New Zealand would be excellent, but Australia could also work for something like this. Hell, if we’re being honest, even if the Midwest in the United States could work. God knows there’s nothing in the Midwest but a bunch of wilderness, flatlands, and some mountains, and while in the past I’ve thought that this is the reason why Game Freak will never base a region off the Midwest (versus how they based regions off Arizona, New York, and Hawaii), this could be the excuse they need. Whatever the case, everything is still modern; I’m not saying they should go for the Breath of the Wild aesthetic entirely, in which it’s post-apocalyptic and much has been lost in the way of technology. No, nothing like that; but this region, whatever it is, could still have a lot of wilderness. There’s a lot to explore, and for the first time in series history the camera follows behind your character’s back at all times, or at least you’re able to freely rotate the camera, much like in a Legend of Zelda game. Also for the first time in series history is the ability to call upon your pokémon at will, and to actually climb on and over things. And as for wild pokémon battles? No longer do you just stumble across one in a random encounter. Rather, as you traverse the landscape, you can actually see the wild pokémon around you. Get near enough, and a battle will start. I think having battle transitions a la Tales of Graces would work very well. (Trainer battles could still work the same way, although again, having smoother battle transitions would be nice, and would help with the immersion aspect.)

All of that said, that’s our setting. So what about our plot?

I think it would be interesting if, as I said, there was a lot more freedom given, and I think that could show in how the plot starts off. In this narrative, perhaps you, as the player character, have decided to go on an adventure. There is no professor here to help you. You have not been summoned, the professor doesn’t happen upon you---it’s quite possible that the regional professor doesn’t even know your name. Instead, you decide---entirely of your own volition---that you want to go adventuring that day. (Or maybe your mom prods you, who knows.) So you set out. The game doesn’t tell you where to go. There’s one exit out of town, but you have to wander that way yourself, rather than being guided by your hand. And once you leave the town, you see that there are three paths you can take:

One path leads down to a riverbend.

One path leads into a forest.

One path leads up to some mountains.

And this is how your starter is chosen. Rather than having three pokéballs set before you with the choice laid out for you to ruminate on, you’re instead given the option of choosing where you go, and where you go determines your starter. If you go to the river, you’ll find the water-type starter. If you go to the forest, you’ll get the grass-type starter. And if you go to the mountains, you’ll get the fire-type starter. (Or you can stay in the town forever and not get anything. Your choice.)

In a move similar to (but not the same as) Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon, you befriend your starter after they rescue you from some disaster in the locale of your choice. If you go to the river, there’s a cutscene where your character falls into the river and perhaps gets caught in some rapids, and so the water-type starter saves them from drowning. If you go to the forest, there’s a cutscene where the player gets stuck in some bramble, and the grass-type starter helps them get free. If you go to the mountains, there’s a cutscene where the player character is either cornered by some other wild pokémon, or where rocks tumble down and almost crush the player, only for the fire-type starter to leap in and save them at the last moment (because while yes, fire is weak to rock, I have to believe that a strong blast could knock some rocks out of the way). The player wouldn’t have any pokéballs at this point, but perhaps after they get free and thank the pokémon that saved them, that pokémon deigns to follow them around. The player character is bemused, but they can’t tell this wild pokémon what to do, so the pokémon traverses the rest of the area with them, fighting other wild pokémon (on the player’s command) along the way. When the player leaves the area and returns back home, the pokémon follows . . . and upon returning to their house, the player’s mother gives them a pokéball to use, and tells them that hey, they’ve got their first pokémon now, isn’t that special? And that’s when you get to name it, because once you name it, it’s yours forever.

After that there would be a brief skip to the next day, wherein the player’s mother would tell them that, since they have a pokémon now, they should go on an actual adventure around the region. And the player decides, why not. There’s still no overall quest here, you’re not told what to do. If you want, you can just waste your life in the town. But now that you have a pokémon, you can explore, so . . .

Go do that.

I figure that, in a game like this, there still could be Gyms. (There could also be Trials similar to the Gen VII games, but for the love of everything, if that’s the case, then make the Trials actually indepth (akin to temples in The Legend of Zelda games), and knock it off with the linear hand-holding, I beg you.) But even if there are, the player is not at any point required to visit them. No longer will there be a level requirement for pokémon to obey you. Instead, it’s a friendship requirement. Pokémon tentatively place their trust in you upon their capture; should you treat them well, they’ll obey your commands and listen to you in battle regardless of how much you level them up / how many badges you have. However, should you mistreat them, they’ll become unruly and rebellious, refusing to battle for someone who would treat them so cruelly. Similarly, you can trade over high-level pokemon, but their disobedience at first isn’t because you don’t necessarily have the Badges to train them, but rather because they don’t know you and miss their old trainer (awkward if they’re your ‘mon from a previous game, but they don’t know that yet---you have to prove it to them). You have to spend time befriending them in order to make them want to battle alongside you. So in this way, the Gyms are no longer a requirement, and for that matter, neither is the League. You can do those things if you wish, but you don’t have to. It’s not mandatory.

So then, you wonder, what about the plot? Well, I think it would be interesting if, in a game about freedom of choice, we actually had multiple different endings this time around. Perhaps this game is less about being set on a path to see whatever story is laid out for you, and more about changing the direction of the story based on what you do. The fandom has been begging for a game where you can be the villain since 1996 / 1998, and perhaps this is the game where you don’t necessarily start out as the villain, but if you want to help the villains, you can. You’ll get a Bad End, but you can do it if you want.

Here’s the idea:

Over the course of your wandering around (and completing Gyms, probably, because it’s habitual for us by this point), you encounter numerous different characters, as per usual. You encounter characters such as whatever rivals you pick up, but you also encounter the villainous team, and whatever it is they’re doing. The only difference here is that while the villainous team is the villainous team, they don’t necessarily act that way to you. Instead, perhaps the Big Bad is actually quite affable. They’re cordial to you. They explain their motivations and, since they don’t see themselves as evil, they have no reason to be aggressive (at least, not when you first encounter them). They think that whatever they’re doing is for the benefit of everyone, and they hope that everyone can see that, you included.

And the thing is, you’re given the choice to see that.

At a certain point in the game, perhaps you’re given options to join up with (or at least assist) the villainous team. And unlike previous games where you could say “yes, please, let me help you” but then get told that you were being sarcastic even when you weren’t, this time, you’re taken at your word. You can help them. You can battle alongside them, against characters such as local Gym Leaders or even the regional Champion. You can take important items to whatever important location they need those items taken to. You can, if you choose to, assist them in whatever goal they have, and ultimately help them accomplish it, if that is what you want. Again, this being Pokémon, that would lead to a Bad End---but if you want that, if you want to see what will happen, you have that choice. You can do it.

Alternatively, of course, you can be the hero you’re so used to being. You can fight them at every turn, and as a result they’ll grow increasingly more aggressive toward you, until the affable gloves come off and they fight you for real, all the while saying how they thought you could see things their way, but no. Clearly you can’t.

And more alternatively still, perhaps we could get a bit of Undertale in here where you can have a route that is more neutral, where you sometimes help the villains and sometimes fight against them, all leading up to a neutral end where the villains don’t succeed, but perhaps not everyone is as happy as they could have been, either.

All of this is to say . . . Pokémon games don’t allow for multiple save files, and obviously no one would want to be locked into a Bad End. So perhaps, then, the mascot legendary (or one of them) has an association with time, like Celebi or Dialga. Perhaps the multiverse can be brought back for Gen VIII, and perhaps in these games it can be explained that the multiverse is really more like a bunch of different branching timelines. These separate universes are the way they are not because they were created as separate dimensions by some god, but rather because some significant choice was made along the way that resulted in the creation of a great big parallel world. The legendary pokémon of this generation (perhaps it’s one pokémon with multiple evolutions, like Cosmog) can traverse those different timelines at will, rather than being restricted to one timeline (a la Celebi), or simply being in charge of creating time (a la Dialga). Since this legendary pokémon can hop across the different timelines / parallel worlds at will (and since they can move along those timelines / worlds as they please), perhaps you befriend them, and so at the end of the game, if you don’t like the ending you received . . .

. . . if you want to see how things could be different . . .

. . . if you want to give it another go . . .

. . . you can battle that pokémon, and if you win, they’ll take you back in time to a point where your choices could still change your ending. The points would be predetermined, there would be some things you couldn’t undo (and note, if you choose this, any levels you gained or items you had after that point will be lost), but for the most part, you could rewind enough so that you can have a shot at a new ending without starting the game over from scratch. And, so long as you’re okay with losing certain things in your trip back through time, you could do this as many times as you pleased to see the different endings as many times as you like. It’s your choice, after all. It’s all up to you.

I think something like that would be very cool, as well as a fresh, new experience. Who knows what the villainous team’s goal would be (regional domination, or world devastation, who knows), but I also don’t think it would matter as much as the experience of getting to assist them with it, only to reset (as in, use the legendary) and stop them, only to reset and help them a little while ultimately stopping them, only to reset and . . . (bonus points if, like in Undertale, dialogue starts changing to reflect that they have some degree of awareness you’re doing this, while not full awareness of it. Things like, “I don’t know why, but I get the feeling we’ve been here before . . .) I think something like that would make for a very cool Pokémon game with tons of stuff to do, and it would really utilize an open world and all the themes surrounding it, but, well . . .

Probably what we’re going to get instead is another very linear game with tons of roadblocks and handholding.

Well, I can dream of better things, anyway.

#pokemon #i just think it'd be really neat to do something that the series hasn't . . . necessarily done before #and an open world game could be so cool #esp if you could use your own pokémon like ride pokémon #without ugly outfits and at will just #select them from your roster - choose to call them out - and the ride or w/e #and removing the Badge requirement and making it a bond requirement instead would really foster the feeling of friendship #which is a core tenant of the series #like idk ymmv but i think i've got good ideas #i think Game Freak should hear me out #@ Game Freak if you ever wanted to hire me now is your chance #i will gladly write your games for you #quite happily in fact

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movietvtechgeeks · 7 years ago

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Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/carrie-genzel-talks-supernatural-fans-state-slay/

Carrie Genzel talks 'Supernatural' fans and her State of Slay

This is part 2 of the Carrie Genzel interview where she gets very indepth on Supernatural, acting and her amazing site State of Slay. You can read part 1 here where she talks about her fun experiences on the set and those pranks she went through with Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki. Carrie Genzel is one of those lovely actresses that thought being in Supernatural was so nice she did it twice – she was in Bugs, one of the earlier episodes in Season 1, and in Just My Imagination, one of my personal favorite episodes, in Season 11. Many fans will remember Carrie’s character, Linda Berman, being the one with “Sparkle on her face!” Definitely one of the more iconic moments in Supernatural, for sure. Since Supernatural, Carrie has appeared in Max 2, They’re Watching and Season’s Greetings. Carrie is also the author of State of Slay, a blog about “the state of living in self-love as your authentic self.” Carrie explains further about her blog and her journey to writing it below. Who would you want to work with the most, that you haven’t worked with yet? My gosh … the list is long! Carol, I’ve had a huge long, long-term crush on Harrison Ford. Since American Graffiti. Like … way back. I would love to work with him, but it would really hard for me to keep my cool. There’s so many people whose work that I adore. Cate Blanchett, apparently I like all the Kates, Kate Winslet … Honestly my mind is spinning. It’s like ahhh, who? There are so many people. I go to the movies at least once I week. I still love to go sit in a dark theatre and escape … go to that faraway land, and connect with a story or connect with the characters, or just run away with the circus. I’m constantly watching people doing what they do. Working their craft. The list is long. So how has being Canadian affected you as an actor? I don’t know how it’s affected me. I think that there’s so much work in Canada, it’s affected me in a good way. They need Canadians … so that’s good. In terms of working in the United States, or abroad, I don’t really know. I think that’s really nice, that I’m really proud of, is that around the world, Canadians are regarded as good, honest people, and it’s nice to feel that you’re welcome wherever you are. That’s really nice. When I first moved to the U.S. in the early 90s, people really didn’t know anything about Canada and asked me weird questions, like: Do we live in igloos? Do we have electricity? These are all real questions that I was asked … this is my favourite: Do you hunt for your food? I’m not kidding. Yeah, just strange questions. I have to say, since the 2010 Olympics, a lot of people went, oh wow, there’s a whole city there! Mmm, there’s many! Although I still get the question – I did recently get the question – are you in the Canada that’s near Seattle or the Canada that’s near New York? Well, it’s all one Canada, first off … it’s like, what? I find that there is a lot more awareness to what we have; it’s not just snow and bison. We have cities, and people, and things going on … One of the things that I really love is that when I’m working in Vancouver and the American cast is here, or the international cast – a lot of Americans are here shooting – is how much they love working in Canada. How excited they are to be there and the great experience they are having. It makes me really proud. When I get to work in Vancouver, it is a smaller community and whenever I’m on set I know people, in the crew, or in the cast … So it feels like a family. I don’t feel that when I’m down in LA … it’s much more spread out and bigger, and it’s a little bit of a different experience … it’s nice to be able to walk in and be like hey, how are you, haven’t seen you, what’s going on, how are the kids … that feels really nice. You don’t have so much of that weird first day of school feeling, like okay, how does this work, is everyone going to like me, who do I sit with at lunch. It does kind of feel like that. It’s a nice feeling. I think being Canadian … with the way the market is right now, it’s great. They like us because we’re a tax break. And we’re cheap. And we’re cheaper, typically … but hey, not too cheap. I talk to my agent. I’ll let him take care of that. I think it has changed, it has definitely changed since I first started. For sure. How did you come up with the idea for State of Slay and what are your goals for it? State of Slay is a blog that started probably just over a month ago. It was a long time coming. I actually just wrote a blog about what kind of inspired State of Slay on Sunday [June 2], called A Power Greater than Myself. I had an experience where I should have died. By all accounts, I should not be here. I had a hard time with that, was struggling with that. Why did I survive, why am I here … what am I offering the world … what makes me enough to still be here when I really shouldn’t be. It took a lot of counseling, a lot of journaling, meditation, for me to come up with the reason why I ended up here was to be of service and to give back. There’s a lot of things that I’ve gone through in my life that I’ve never talked about in the press. Typically we’re instructed by PR to talk about the show and how great it was, and how awesome everyone was to work with … yadi, yadi, yada … some funny stories, and that’s the end. I never really kind of talked about the things that I struggle with or have struggled with, or the things that I’ve overcome. I’ve noticed that on social media because we all like to post the shiny happy pictures, that people would make comments thinking that the implication was that I have this wonderful fabulous life and that it’s all rainbows and unicorns, and premieres, and private jets and mansions, and that’s just not the truth and the reality of my life. I would say, Well no, I understand what you’re saying, because I myself went through that. You did? There was this, what? You’re a real person? I made a conscious decision to really put out positive messages within my personal social media. People really started to respond to that. I started to get messages from people that would reach out to me to say thank you so much for posting what you did today; it really helped me because this is what I’m going through, and they would write me this lovely message. It would happen a lot. It got me thinking of being of service. How can I be of service and how can I give back? It’s one of those things, which I’ve also talked about in my blog, when you’re living as your authentic self and you’re on the right path, there’s constantly signs are given to you about where you’re supposed to go next. I kept getting these signs from different places and different people, about writing. It was the beginning of the year and I thought okay, new year. Fresh start. What am I going to do to challenge myself this year. It came to me – start a blog, and talk about me. Talk about all of the struggles and the things that I go through and how I overcome them. How I live my life today in a positive light. Learn to love myself and accept myself, and in turn I’m able to share that light with others. Off I went. I thought, well, what the heck do I call it? Because I wanted it separate from my name, as me, as an actor … even though it’s me writing it, and I don’t hide that it’s me writing it, and there’s a lot of crossover … especially on social media. I just wanted to have something separate, so that it felt like a safe place where people could go and share. It wasn’t necessarily a place where people would go and be like, Oh, let’s see what Carrie’s writing about, the actor, and maybe read things that they might not be comfortable with. This is where this stuff happens, and the actor stuff happens over here. It was important to me that it be a safe place for people to share. I played around with different names and it just kinda came to me. State of Slay – Slay in this case being an acronym for Self Love Appreciate You. I also just liked the image of slaying, you know … of warriors. And I think I took a lot of inspiration from a lot of all of you – the #SPNfamily, and just the image of all of you warriors slaying your day. Because you do every day. That’s kind of how it happened. So I’m like, nobody else has this, the domain’s available, this is it! We’re going with it. It just kind of blossomed from there, which told me that it was right, that I was in the right place. The goal with it really is just to do really what I’ve been saying … to bring some light to mental health, to depression, to struggles that people go through. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, we all have struggles; we all go through times that are difficult. What I found is there’s strength in talking about what’s happening. That we are only as sick as our secrets. If we are harbouring all of those things, and we’re not talking about them, we’re just getting sicker. If we tell somebody about it, it’s out there – it’s gone. It’s not necessarily gone like you don’t have to deal with it, but it’s not weighing you down any more, as this embarrassing horrible thing. It’s out there. There’s really nothing that can’t be worked through. I’ve seen that in myself, I’ve seen that in other people I know that live their life the way I do. Incredible things can happen when we live in our truth and we live in the light … and we share that, and we talk about it with others. Which I think that you all know because there’s so much strength in every day, in even just saying I’m having a tough day … it takes this weight off of you, that really makes a huge difference. You get the support of all of these people that come around you and go you can do it, I know you can, I love you … there’s this whole group of people that circle around you to give you the strength that you might not have in that moment. And that’s really what the intention behind State of Slay was and is. That’s really what’s been happening … which is really incredible. It’s been really wonderful to see the response to it and I’m touched every day by the brave men and women who reach out and tell their stories and their struggles, and their victories. We all get to celebrate with them. It’s been really wonderful. I’ve been literally in tears almost every day, because I’m so touched with what’s been going on. It’s been a lot of work, and some times it’s tough to juggle in with my day, but it’s so worth every minute; it’s really been an incredible journey so far. And it’s just starting. It’s been wonderful reading your blogs … I can definitely tell you that you’ve found your tribe. That’s exactly what the Supernatural family is. You’ve got not just the fans who are open and sharing and always available to help each other; you’ve got the cast, above all you’ve got Jared who’s always so open about his struggles, and you’ve got Misha with Random Acts and the I’m Alive with Jensen … it’s just … I love our cast. It’s incredible, and as I said, I took a lot of inspiration from all of them, just in seeing how open that they all are with their lives and things that are important to them, and what they struggle with. I was just like, it’s time to kind of tear down this false image of perfection, or I don’t know what … it’s bullshit. We’re all real people … just because I have a job that might be more in the public eye, that doesn’t mean … I don’t get a pass from life. Because I have a job in the public eye, I have a bit of a platform where I can share things and people will look at it, so why not use that for something good, and give back …. Connect with people like me, who may be struggling or have struggled, or who knows. Life ebbs and flows, so even though I may be having a good day, I might be struggling tomorrow. And that’s okay, because I know it’ll pass. I’ll get through it, I’ve gotten through so much … I managed to survive a night on the beach, unconscious … I can certainly overcome a bad day. I’ve done a lot of work on myself and continue to, so I’ve picked up a bunch of tools over the years, and it’s all things that I’ve done and still do when I’m with friends, or with people that have reached out to me that I know that are struggling, and I’ll sit with them and really talk things through with them. But it’s now really me just sharing all of those things in a broader sense. It feels really good to kind of let all of that out. It’s very freeing to go this is it, this is who I am … It’s interesting, because I’ve had a few people that I know who are actors that I’ve worked with and I see around a lot, send me messages and go there’s a whole other life to you that I don’t know about … I’m like yeah, because I don’t roll into work this in the hair and makeup trailer … it’s just not appropriate. Unless somebody’s like Carrie, can I talk to you … I’m having a bad day … I’m like hey, yeah, let’s talk. It’s not like I’m rolling in with this stuff. We’re talking about silly, goofy things … It’s fun that people have gotten to know me in a different way, or have gotten to know me at all – because they’ve had a preconceived notion of who they thought I was. It feels really good just to have it out there. And to see that it’s helping people is the best gift ever. There’s nothing that I could ever receive in life that could be greater than that. It really was by the kindness of another person in my life, as to why I am still even here. There was someone in my life, when I was at my bottom, who never judged me, never pointed fingers at me, and just asked me how I felt, what was going on. In the moment when I could have gone left, I somehow mustered the courage to call him and say I need help. So I’ll always just remember that. Because that’s why I’m still here. If I can do that for somebody else, that’s just me paying it forward. Carrie currently has a fun comedy called The Layover coming out on Direct TV on August 3 and in theaters in September 1. It stars Kate Upton and Alexandra Daddario, and was directed by William H. Macy. In addition, fans can see Carrie at Modesto’s Classic Comic Con, Oct. 27 to Oct. 29 in Lake Tahoe California.

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