#but i literally cannot take excess stress any more

[kiame-sama]

can we have some of the queen's rules? Riddle already gave three (we didn't get all of the last one) but what are some you feel like sharing?

You already know three;

- Humans cannot eat a pork heavy diet as Humans are genetically close to pigs. (The genetics piece is true, but Humans can digest pork no problem, so it is ultimately a nonsense rule).

- Humans must be kept at a temperature above freezing but below boiling. (True, not too hot and not too cold is ideal for Humans)

- Humans must be paired with suitable mates based on their regional habitat. A Human from a frozen climate is not compatible with a Human from a tropical climate and therefore cannot breed. (Absolute nonsense, Humans can technically breed with other Humans regardless of region and can even interbreed with any Twisted Wonderland species and still have viable young- ie. Dragon/Human, Unicorn/Human, Drider/Human, Harpy/Human, Merfolk/Human- so long as they can make the parts fit, they can typically successfully interbreed)

But I have headcanoned many other rules for Riddle to believe are absolutely true.

- Humans love Salt, Fat, and Sugar in their diets, but should be limited as too much can cause health problems (actually 100% true. We are literally wired to crave those three food types and have been since before our days as Humans but any in excess can be dangerous/harmful)

- Humans in love or assumed to be in love should never be forced to part or be put into conflict against one another. (The queen made this rule because one of her Humans fell for the pet of a wealthy visitor and actually had stress cardiomyopathy- heartbreak syndrome- and died as a result when that loved one left)

- No species is to threaten or harm a Human. Those who break this rule are punished by the highest accord. (General for all Humans in the Queendom and still a law to current day)

- All unbirthday parties are to have one or more chairs of honor reserved for resident Humans at the left-hand side of the host. (A common rule for Unbirthday parties and one Riddle already upheld even before he met the Human)

- A pregnant Human is to be pardoned for any and all crimes committed during the pregnancy as their hormones and actions cannot be controlled. (Most Humans were quickly pardoned of any crime anyway because the Queen loved them, but pregnant Humans were basically given a free pass to steal and do as they wished).

- If a Human is to take a nap during the day, they must have no more than three pillows and one blanket. (This rule was made to prevent humans from sleeping longer than an hour or two as to not mess up their natural sleep cycle)

- If a Human chooses a non Human mate that non-Human is required by law to marry that Human and never be unfaithful regardless of prior relationships and marriages. (It didn't happen often, but some of the Queen's humans fell for their guards or other visiting nobles and the Queen refused to lose another Human to heartbreak)

[alittlebitofloveliness]

Ponyboy and Addiction

CW: mentions of drugs and alcohol abuse

For a fandom that really seems to like Ponyboy angst people don't really talk much about how the book very carefully but consistently planted the seeds of what could be Ponyboy's downfall in the east side, the main thing that could fuck up his plans for college or any sort of better life: Ponyboy has an addictive personality. The biggest evidence of this is, of course, his nicotine addiction and love of cigarettes which he is scarcely without throughout the book. Yes, all the greasers smoke, and yes, he uses it as a way to calm down in incredibly stressful situations, but the truth of the matter is that Ponyboy is a fourteen year old who cannot go more than a few hours without nicotine. Even after a cigarette lit the church on fire, even when he's recovering from a major concussion, he's still smoking in his bed, and not only a little bit either. Darry tells him he'd 'skin him' if 'he smoked more than a pack' when he's literally confined to bed rest. That's a lot of smokes (I know this is set in the 1960s but a pack a day for a kid who was literally being treated for smoke inhalation earlier in the book is still excessive). However, cigarettes are not the only evidence we have of Ponyboy having the potential for addiction to become a major issue. While it's mentioned he doesn't like alcohol, he does at one point self medicate with asprin, taking far more than the recommended dose-- 5 pills. In the same passage he also offhandedly claims this is something he does frequently, not to help with headaches or anything like that, but to help him fall asleep. Ponyboy is literally self medicating at fourteen with cigarettes and over the counter medication, to treat unrelated ailments-- and is actively hiding this fact from his brothers. It's not touched on far beyond these instances, but its very clear textual evidence of the fact that were Ponyboy to end up getting involved with the wrong crowd or trying the wrong thing, he could very easily destroy his life and any chance of getting out of the east side. In the end, it won't matter if Ponyboy decides to stay gold or not if he gets hooked on the wrong substance. "Oh but lovely, all the greasers are like this"- aside from Two-bit, no one else in the main seven is characterized as having a severe dependence on any sort of substance. Canonically, Soda doesn't drink, we never see Steve, Dally, or Darry inebriated on page, although they all do occasionally drink; and while all of them smoke, Ponyboy is constantly and repeatedly referred to as the 'weed fiend' of his family and to some extent the gang. Ponyboy Curtis and Two-bit Matthews are the two members of the gang with addictive personalities, addiction has the potential to be Ponyboy's undoing and I will die on this hill.

[princessbrunette]

daddy!johnb is soooo the type to blame everything you complain about on “not drinking enough water”

headache? drink more water. tired? you’re dehydrated. sore throat? you need to drink some water

he takes matters into his own hands at some point, constantly cupping the back of your head and bottle feeding you the water himself because you’re so forgetful, not leaving out any of his lectures each time.

“you know i cannot stress how important it is to stay hydrated, babe. you’re like— literally always in the sun. it’s no wonder you feel so rough right now.” but still offers you an exasperated ‘good girl’ when he feels you’ve drank enough from the bottle, backs of his fingers wiping away the excess water that dribbled down your chin.

[mewpathy]

FINALLY. THE REASON WHY I MADE THIS SIDE BLOG. HER.

Been having a TON of brainrot from TOH again and my old mlp next gen habits kicked in sooooo... yeag

More ab her under the cut bc WOOOO BOY i have SO MANY THOUGHTS ON HER

So! I think I should begin with just the fact that she is, for lack of a better term, a anomaly. Grimwalkers have never been recorded to reproduce- on top of her being a weird mixture of not really human and not really witch... Uncanny valley for both species yk?

Hunter and Luz were in their mid-20s when Luz got pregnant with Lunala,, which was a shock for both. More Hunter than Luz lmao she was cruising. At the time the two had just started up a cultural exchange of sorts with the human realm so on top of the stress of new baby... yeah it was a time.. Doesn't help that halfway through Luz's body was like- smth,, smth aint right and so while not on bedrest, she did have to tone down her activities and now, with medicine advancing, many theorize that the left over Titan magic in her is the only reason she survived.

Then out popped Lunala! Lil freak of a girl. Hunter cussed out the fact hes a clone bc bby girl gots her wack goofy ahh cousin(?)s blue eyes- Phillips last F u lol- the yellow from Mama only started coming out when she turned 4-ish. On top of that, she got the staple four digits with pawpads all Grimwalkers have and EXTREMELY horrible equilibrium and thermoregulating ability. She is bundled up 24/7 and cant walk without her cane. Messed up gal.

Due to the irregularities of magic during her formation her bile sac cannot filter magic properly- some days she'll be equal to a fully grown witch and others she'll be bedbound due to her own bile sac essentially leaking the excess out of her when a usual one would get rid of the "used up" magic via normal ways- another reason why she uses her cane. On top of this, the excess magic (if she hasn't used any in a while) starts to drip out of her mouth, being almost acidic. A fine line she has to walk between literally spewing acid and being poisoned by her own body. She survives tho! Also her teeth too big for her gotdamn mouth,, queen of braces

BUT OH HO HO. THIS DOES NOT STOP HER FROM BEING A LIL CREECHER. A GOOFBALL. A MENACE. She looks /TERRIFYING/ when happy/scheming but genuinely means well- taking her Mama's words to heart- "It becomes bullying when no one but yourself is having fun" and essentially tries to make others laugh/be in a good mood,, unfortunately a lot of people find her to be unnerving- only really finding a few good friends in Ophelia- Willow and Amity's adopted daughter-, King, Collector, and a school friend Ricardo- a human on the Boiling Isles via the cultural exchange program.

Outside of other's around her age, she gets along with her parents and family wonderfully! Lunala can be very quiet when she wants too and has found a particular gift for essentially reading people and being able to help them- magical therapist if you will. On top of exploring the human realm with her Auntie Vee (Who has become a cross country explorer and nature conservationist), she has a hell of a time helping her Dad practice for his games or his most recent pailsman carving, or helping her Mama document the entirety of the Boiling Isles or be a proof reader for her Mama's books. Fun stuff!

Her pailsman- Manny- is named after Luz's dad, after seeing pictures her Abuela left out. Manny and Lunala are two peas in a pod- with both being seen as unnerving. On top of that, Manny being a King Cobra gives a slight hint to Lunala's... less than spectacular anger. She doesn't get angry often but when she does her bile sac works overtime with the amount of adrenaline she gets from her anger, which, of course, leads to the acidic overspill and very... unsightly view.

As she gets older, and learns to control her anger more, she'll become a terrifying politician both in the Boiling Isles and in the human realm and hobbyist child psychologist.

ANYWAY ITS MIDNIGHT AND I GOTS SCHOOL BYE HOPW YALL ENJOY THIS RANT

[miss-tc-nova]

After Running Away - Leona x Jamil

Well hello again @completeanduttermess​

Okay so...of course I had to finish this before June ended so, yay! Happy pride month! Second, oh my god, I’m so sorry this is so bad. I may have had free time, so my brain decided all work was out of the question. It was either this or the pet!au that was getting way out of hand and almost not LeoJami at all. 

Anyway, this is meant to be in the era after The Lives We Want. 

~~~~~~

Leona & Jamil After Running Away

In the beginning, it’s rough.

Mostly for Leona.

Big Kitty may have been shunned by his kingdom, but he was still a prince. He still had people looking after him and doing all the grunt work for him.

He can’t do that now.

Well, he probably could. Jamil would probably do it, but then the desert native would be living the same life Leona just saved him from.

So, even if he grumbles and moans the whole time, Leona is going to do his own chores with his own hands. Or at least try.

Jamil has to save him.

It’s terribly awkward for him to watch Leona try to cook or wash clothes. The lion could barely dye his own hair after all.

Leona is smart and talented and could probably easily survive on his own. But for the life of him the man cannot navigate a kitchen.

So Jamil does often end up with those chores, but Leona always watches carefully. He’s observing and taking the process in. And it’ll be soon enough that he’ll knock Jamil’s socks off with a curry he made himself.

Jamil is faring a bit better at this new life. But he still has a lot of anxiety.

Every bit of him is nervous that someone is going to recognize him. Or recognize Leona. And when that happens, Leona might be punished. And Jamil’s family might be punished. All the consequences of a single slip up plague his thoughts.

Those nerves often come out in his overplanning. He starts mapping out their next stop, the sights they’ll see and the places they’ll stay, but in an excessive way—like down to the minute. He’s scarily accurate. Sometimes, he unpacks the bags to take stock of their supplies, check their cash, and mend any clothes.

The worst is when he starts making contingency plans. That’s when the paranoia really starts to win. He’s rehearsed in his head what he’d say to anyone who asks who he is and if they’ve seen him on the news. He’s even thought about what he’d do if anyone tried to detain Leona for this whole thing.

While it may all look normal on the outside, Leona is very aware when Jamil is stressing. And in those times, Leona does what Leona does best.

Annoy Jamil.

Sometimes it’s literally laying on top of Jamil’s focused task, sometimes it’s sitting nearby to poke him, sometimes it’s throwing random things at him (like socks and pillows and wadded paper), and sometimes it’s picking the snake up to haul him off. Somehow, this stupid “pay attention to me” tactic always work. Jamil does pay attention to him and that gives Leona all the leverage he needs to be a distraction.

Because Jamil knows that, no matter what happens, they’re in this mess together. Surely their two bright minds could get them out of any situation.

Aside from Jamil’s anxieties and Leona’s lack of daily living skills, these two are having the time of their lives!!!

Leona doesn’t feel the eyes of everyone comparing him to his brother. He didn’t realize just how much of a weight that was.

And there’s no pressure of “royal appearances.” He can be as “slob” as he wants…if Jamil lets him. Well, maybe he cares about his appearance a little, but it doesn’t have to be annoying anymore.

And Jamil gets to do whatever the fuck he wants! He gets to say “no” when he doesn’t want to do something. He gets to do whatever he wants. And he gets to show off, so long as no one recognizes him.

Though part of him might yearn for the world to recognize him, Jamil is rational. Besides, it’s more than enough for him if only Leona sees him.

At first, they visited some small places, trying to keep a low profile while the world was on the lookout for them.

But as time went on and their faces faded from the news, they got see the rest of the world.

They’ve seen the inside of many motels and Airbnbs. But they’ve also spent nights under the stars. Lying on grass, saying stupid stuff and laughing at nothing until they fall asleep. Those are probably their favorite moments.

They have acquired a broom. It’s the fastest, and really only way, for them to get around. They may have money, but rentals, taxis, and tickets add up. And brooms run on magic, which is free. It also makes the quickest escape if necessary.

And sometimes, just floating on by is peaceful enough for them.

Mostly Jamil is in charge of where they go. Sometimes Leona will put in his opinion on where to go, but mostly, he has no opinion and just lets Jamil choose.

As they approach each new destination, the excitement tends to spark in Little Snake. His demeanor lightens and usually there’s a smile on his face. Leona almost always catches himself staring—maybe smiling a bit too.

Leona actually stares a lot. He gets a bit of second-hand excitement watching Jamil. That and just watching his sweetheart makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But he’ll never admit that. It one of the things that Jamil teases him about.

But honestly, how could he ever stop himself when all the wonder of the world sparks in those gorgeous eyes.

Though there’s a lot of cooking, there’s also frequently the taste-testing of local cuisine. It gets a little interesting considering Leona’s picky pallet but they enjoy taking a break and sharing something new. When he finds something he likes, Jamil analyzes the flavors, wondering if he could easily recreate it.

Though there’s plenty of money from Leona’s savings for now, Jamil keeps an eye out for little odd jobs as they walk through. Things like helping load or unload trucks, delivery across town—just little things to make a quick buck. Leona grumbles as he pulls his weight.

Despite enjoying the travelling, sometimes they talk about settling down somewhere. In fact, as they travel, they talk about the pros and cons of living in the location they’re in. There’s a small list on the places they’d want to live, but both of them agree that it’s going to be a few years before they think about that.

For now, it’s just enjoying their newfound freedom and enjoying each other’s company.

~~~~~

Nova’s Twisted Wonderland Masterlist

[casspurrjoybell-23]

The Raven - Chapter 24

*Warning Adult Content*

"What news have you for me today, Delilah?" the king asks, tiredly rubbing his palm over his face.

The stress of the recent happenings has been wearing excessively on him; if only he could finally eliminate everything standing within his path to success, then life would surely be easier.

Perhaps his duties would be more manageable, more effortless.

At least for a while, until everything inevitably and quite literally falls apart, leaving him shattered beyond repair.

Alas, that is not the thought he should be concentrating on right now, he can only take things one step at a time, or else failure will be imminent and wholly unforgiving.

"The raven has been acquiring courage, Your Majesty," she replies, her thoughts racing with possible scenarios about how this new information may or may not work to her advantage.

The success of her plan relies fully on the raven's ability to be compelled into supporting her, she absolutely cannot risk having him become too brave in his actions.

Perhaps she should not have tricked the king into this idea in the first place, there is still a significant chance that the raven's growing confidence and boldness could obliterate her scheme entirely.

"Yesterday, he left the tower for the first time and spent the morning in the garden with His Highness in his raven form. Unfortunately, Princess Elaina's arrival in early afternoon promptly ended their visit," she dutifully reports, a faux pleased expression gracing her face and masking her genuine feelings of contempt for the possibility of failure.

The king hums in response, thinking over the witch's words thoroughly.

If these details are accurate, then it appears everything is well.

For now.

However, the anger he harbors for his wife's incompetence and inability to simply stay out of his affairs irks him greatly.

"I am not sure yet whether or not that princess will be useful to our cause," he says, his fingers scratching at the stubble on his chin as he wonders. "My wife seems to think that forcing Henry to marry this... Princess Elaina will somehow prevent the prophecy from being fulfilled but I believe it will only hinder or progress. We need Henry and the raven to be completely in love with each other if we wish this to work," His Majesty explains, his mind desperately attempting to conjure a solution for the queen's incessant meddling.

"I agree, Your Majesty. There is a slim possibility that the raven may succumb to feelings of jealousy toward Princess Elaina as she spends more time mingling with His Highness over the course of her stay in the palace. However, I am hopeful that I have raised him to be too kind-hearted and compassionate to surrender to such ill feelings. I think that if his focus should remain on his love for His Highness rather than envy, the plan is more likely to be successful. Perhaps seeing the disinterest that the prince so openly expresses for the princess will be comforting to the raven," Delilah says, although her words do not match her thoughts.

Unbeknownst to the king, the witch knows that it would not necessarily be detrimental to her own plotting if the raven should develop a feeling of jealousy toward the princess, in fact, it would likely only further her scheme, making the creature much more susceptible to her compelling ways.

The king takes several moments to process the witch's words and the situation as a whole, silently sorting through each individual circumstance as it has been presented to him.

With everything happening so quickly, there is no room for deviation from the plan if he wants to be successful at preventing the fulfillment of the prophecy and that is what the king wishes for above all else.

They absolutely cannot allow any divergence, especially not now, so late in the game.

If everyone has done their jobs correctly, then there is little chance the raven will fail them now.

His Majesty wonders whether the same can be said for his son.

Has Henry been adequately conditioned to complete the role expected of him?

And what about the unnecessary and entirely inconvenient presence of Princess Elaina?

She is an unexpected obstacle, an unpredictable wrench thrown into their path.

The queen has more than likely brainwashed her into thinking she will be the one to marry Prince Henry, she had evidently become highly attached to that outlandish delusion.

"I suppose that all we can do is observe at this point," the king says, his words immediately followed by a frustrated sigh.

If only the fate of his entire kingdom were not riding squarely upon his shoulders, if only this single event were not required to prevail in order to save them all from the most wicked and undeserved destiny that awaits them should this plan fail.

"We must watch them closely and absolutely not interfere unless things take a drastic turn for the worse. And as for that Princess..."

His Majesty trails off briefly, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as he contemplates his response, he honestly has no idea how to solve the dilemma with the foreign princess.

"I really wish my wife would stop trying to take matters into her own hands, it is only causing delay to our progression."

"Would you like me to stop her, Your Majesty?" Delilah asks, a secret thrill dancing down her spine at the mere idea, she has been longing for the chance to rid herself of the vile woman for nearly two decades now. "I could compel her with my magic if you wish."

"No, thank you, Delilah. I do not think that will be necessary," he answers, carding a hand through his thick, graying hair.

Then, with a seductive tone, he curls one side of his lips into a smirk and says..."

Now, enough of this. Come, serve your king in the way only you can."

Pleased with the invitation and beyond eager to fulfill His Majesty's request, the witch wastes no time crossing the room.

Once immediately before her king, she drops to her knees and hurriedly removes his pants.

As her hungry mouth descends on him, he lets out a throaty growl of appreciation, his hand winding in her hair.

"This... hmm, this is why I have kept you around all these years," he tells her, his voice strained with the pleasure coursing through him. "Your loyalty and magical powers are simply an added bonus."

Unable to speak with her mouth full, Delilah opens her eyes and peers up at the king, only to find him already staring back at her.

Keeping his right hand firmly entwined in her hair and holding her in place, he lifts his left to gently stroke her cheek.

"Good girl," he whispers.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Hi lys. I hope you're doing well. I wanted to ask what would you advise to someone (me lol) who doesn't know what to do for a career. I have a vague dream of becoming a dancer and actor but it's impossible in my country plus my family won't ever accept it. And idk why but i also don't like attention or fame but to become successful in these fields fame is very important. I asked a psychic about my career and all they say is i should do something creative or follow my dream and that my spirit guides are hell bend on making me follow my dream but it's so pressuring for me that I'm overwhelmed I can't sleep at night at all. I wake up and I'm panicked about what to do. I can't eat at all because my stomach can't digest food due to stress. I once took antidepressant and it was good until it's effect wore off and the psychic warned me not to take it indirectly cause it's like a substance abuse for me according to her and my guides? I'm literally going crazy. I broke down crying infront of my father today due to constant stress and low health. I don't know what to do anymore i mean is it really necessary to follow passion or dream when I don't have any inner strength or motivation to do it at all?

Hey

First of all, let's try to go step by step: you know, to have all these different thoughts and fears and opinions summing up one after the other is adding even more stress to yourself. So, before taking any decisions, try to go slower and take one thing at time. Cause the more you run around a problem with your mind, the more you focus on yourself being lost and having no answer (and needing one asap), the more your mind makes up stuff and the more you feel overwhelmed and find it harder to find a solution, and then you get a burnout and break down (as you did). Your energies (inner strenght) are focused on overthinking your problem and finding more issues to this problem, so you cannot use them to create clarity nor to work for your dream or anything else. You have to change this if you want to get to a solution.

Find any way you can to take some time off from all this stress, to separate your thoughts from your main problem: staying there won't help you find any solution but just add to your stress and mine your health even more. So please for a while, don't think about your problem, about running out of time, about what you should do or don't. Simply try to find a moment of peace and come back to yourself. To your core, to your body. Focus on you. Maybe do some breathing exercises, follow a guided meditation, try the 54321 exercise... Do any hobby you feel like doing, even just try to nap. You need to be in a better mental and physical state to make important decisions. We cannot make decisions while we're so anxious, stressed, angered or even too happy or excited: any excess of emotion can cloud our mind in a way or another. So try to find time to ground yourself. You have time to follow any career path you want, but you need to be in yourself to make a proper choice, to regain clarity. Right now, seen your state, it would be impossible and useless to make any choice. You need to take care of your person first. So again meditate, take a walk, do anything to calm yourself. Do not give yourself a timing, you're not running out of time to make any decision, it's fine even if you take a whole week for yourself or more. Your personal health comes before anything and now you really need to care about it. When you notice you can sleep, eat again properly and do anything else with a calmer mind, go back to your problem and start analyzing things as follows. (Ofc if you cannot make it alone, please ask for help. Be it to a trusted friend or even a professional figure as a therapist or a psychologist. These people can help you navigate your emotions in a more accurate and proper way and help you find a way out this stress more easily... and also give you the necessary support as in meds, if you really need them -I'll get back to this point).

Please again, it's important: don't do answer what follows now, it will just bring more stress and your answers may not be accurate but dictated by your present mental situation and anxiety (and your need to find answers asap -rush is never a friend, in this case even less). Calm your mind first, ground yourself.

You mentioned having a vague dream of becoming a dancer/actor. So what are the reasons for this? What do you want to obtain? You said you don't feel like staying under the spotlight/having fame, so there must be another reason. Do you like these two endeavours? Are you passionate about them? Do you wake up and your first thought is to dance and act? And it goes on through your day? You can only watch videos of people dancing and acting, and you like studying them and what they do? Be objective in answering, let your fears aside for a moment and talk with your heart. Cause if you do this, if you can only think about dancing and acting, then yes, you should totally follow your dream. GIve it a try, despite it being impossible in your country and fearing your parents reactions (do you really think this or are you just trying to block yourself in fear of making it? -maybe it's not your case but it happens; it's a rooted mental pattern of self sabotaging that many of us end up into: we take any little detail we may read around or hear as a proof for our fears and we let them hinder us). You're here to live your life, and if you live to dance and acting, then at least give yourself the chance to try. You never know what doors can open up for you.

Back to you saying you don't like fame or attention. Why is it so? You rather not shine and staying in the dark? Do you fear being judged by others (maybe by your family more: you may fear disappointing them. You know... sometimes it's just a fear, some others it's something we need to do to make ourself happy and we can only hope they will understand one day), or you fear having haters (which ofc the more you get out of your shell the more you'll find: these people are just envious people or project their fears onto you. Let them say what they want cause it's not about you but about themselves, and know you will have all the help to "fight" them anyway). Is this fear of being under the spotlight a real thing (maybe you're shy or you have some social anxiety that you need to overcome or work through, or you fear being seen by others) or are you trying to add another reason to the list of "I'm not trying this cause I won't ever make it"? As in "I don't have the strenght to actually work for my dream, cause it's impossible and I am not good enough to make it". This is a valid feeling if all your life you've been experiencing being let down and not having received much, having got many no's, having had to overwork to get praised, for example. But trust me that you can work and do things you don't imagine you ever could, in order to make real something you really want to. So if it's fear of putting into some work, of failing a few times before making it, of having to do it alone and against everyone, yeah you're have all the reasons to feel that way. But you also need to be real with yourself. To tell yourself the truth. Not find other excuses or easy ways out. And again, if you really have a dream and want to pursue a certain career, then give yourself the chance to try it. Be clear with yourself: it's gonna take effort, it's gonna be hard, you'll have to work, you may even make mistakes and fail many times before making it, but if you don't give up and start believing in yourself, you will make it. How much do you really want dancing and acting? How much are you willing to give in order to get there?

Ofc if your answers aren't about really wanting to be a dancer or actor (maybe you don't have messages you want to convey throught these endeavour or whatever else), then find time to connect with yourself, check within what are the things and talents you feel are more related with you (is there anything that comes easy to you? Again, be objective, don't play yourself down). Or if there's any other career you find interesting or fascinating. Don't fear having to put in work, having to fail or anything: this is something you'll always have to do for any type of career you'll choose, so don't let this block you or you won't really make any move in any direction ever.

I read you mentioned talking with a psychic and I'm not judging their work ofc (I'm one myself) but when it comes to meds as antidepressant you should ask to professionals in those fields imho: if a psychologist or therapist suggest you a cure as a support to your healing process with them, then sure follow what they prescibe you and keep talking with them about your results or if you need to change something about it. Just don't take stuff randomly by yourself (maybe cause a friend has a certain prescription) cause that would really be unhealthy and counterproductive. A cure in mental field is effective only if it's done on your own person, it needs to be specific for you. Seen that you're into spirituality, I would also remind you to keep in mind these days we have venus and mercury retrogades (until the beginning and half September): this means our minds and insecurities (past stuff) and relationships and finances being under huge stress and it's not the right moment to make important decisions as stress is high and we may be pretty unbalanced. But this is an addition to what I mentioned above.

Hope this can bring some help. Take care of you. All the best<3

---edit:

Try also to understand why you need to rush yourself towards a career asap. What is pushing you there? Do you need independence and the feeling of safety you can get through it, do you need money, or someone else is trying to push you to make something out of your life (family/society: remember there's not a fixed age to find a job nor to get married or do anything. It's a false belief)? If you need money ofc, you can try any career and switch maybe later on to another you like more, but if that's not your need... why the rush?

[ask-these-fantrolls]

[For the literal sake of my own health this blog will from today forward be entirely discourse and drama free. In the past I have commented on topics when asked or made statements regarding happenings as they come and if they got to me, but for the sake of my own mental and physical health I really need to try focusing on things that do not do me unnecessary stress. I don't like talking about my health or everything that is wrong with me so I will not, but will suffice it to say that keeping up with whatever the week's latest Tumbkr Drama is has had an undoubtedly negative effect on my health and it needs to stop.

So, from this point onward, I will not answer any "what is your opinion on" or "what do you think of" type questions and will not be reblogging or posting any statements or takes on drama of any kind. This is supposed to be a (please excuse the cringy word) safe space for me to relax and have fun and that it how I intend to keep it! Thank you for your understanding and continued support of this blog going forward.]

[plushienanami]

Hey there! I absolutely LOVE all your content; it’s just perfection! I don’t know if you’ve done this already, but if you could do the Bucci gangs reaction to their S/O while sick or on their period I would be forever grateful!!! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)╯♡

i think i’ve gotten your ask before love! i’m sorry it has literally taken me so long to post this and other works. i’ve been like mega busy and writing is like a hobby i do so please don’t be mad. I’m also on my period rn, i just got a few days ago and it really sucks ;-;

okay anon i present you this…please like it 👉👈💖

Bucci Gang Dealing with S/O on their Period

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

██████ 100% *_♡_*

Giorno Giovanna:

At first Giorno wouldn’t know or pick up on the early signs that your period is coming. He is busy with work although it doesn’t mean he doesn’t spend time with you, just the small things don’t come to mind when he is enjoying the time he can have with his s/o.

Him, Bucciarati, and Trish are the type to pamper their s/o when they are on their period.

For starters, he would grant you any type of food you are craving and make sure to keep you warm wrapped in the fine fluffy covers of your shared bed.

Totally stocked with napkins and tampons of all kind just to make sure that you aren’t leaving a pool of red in your bed or the expensive silk nightgown he bought for you. Giorno just doesn’t want you frolocking in your own blood :/

Giorno keeps the room scented of fresh flowers and is the total type if your having cramps to get you up to walk them away. Moving and exercising your body is more healthy than laying there all day not getting the blood flowing.

He understands when your sore, bloated, and of course having mood swings.

Picnic dates. When I said he will make you go outside, he would also take you on picnic dates that are surrounded by flowers to get your mind off of icky stuff.

Bruno Bucciarati:

A sweetheart. You want a doting man to pamper and be at your beck and call, well you have Bruno Bucciarati.

Will 100% drop work unless it is really important, although you're more important to him than work itself.

Everything is completely stocked up and he makes sure to have special linen for you so you are comfortable and not maybe accidentally staining the cotton bedsheets.

Bucciarati would make you take pain reliefs and give you a complete list of what you can and cannot eat. Sure you may have cravings, however, you can’t just give in to all of them especially if they don’t help your bloating or cramps.

He watches your favorite movies and shows while holding you in his warm embrace.

To be honest I see Bucciarati enjoying the time you on your period. He doesn’t like seeing you in pain or stress, yet he loves the excessive time he gets to spend around you.

Loves when you lay there curled up and he can lay you on his lap while playing with your hair or fiddling with your hands he loves so much.

Why need a heating pad when you have this lovely man.

Leone Abbacchio:

Well, I wouldn’t say he would be the best to be around on your time of the month. I feel like he would lack that understanding that your cramps or mood swings are uncontrollable and may lash out at you for them.

Over time he gets more sympathetic and would begin to understand what you have to go through. He yells less, is less harsh and abrasive, as well tries to surprise you with things that would make you happy.

Out of all the bucci gang members, he would be the best to cuddle with. He is tall, big, warm, and that chest of his oh my…

Abbacchio doesn’t really like the sight of blood and doesn’t like to deal if you accidentally have a leak on the sheets.

Also, is confused when you ask him to buy your products from the store. He kinda stands there awkwardly and his pride won’t allow him to ask the employees for help. Expect random brands or packages with him claiming that they were all the same and what he could find.

Also is the most chill to be with during your period because he doesn’t talk too much or is too jumpy like Narancia would be around.

Very pleasant and calming to be around, plus he would make you some nice tea.

Guido Mista:

There are times I sometimes can’t take Mista seriously and sometimes I can. This is one of those situations.

He would honestly try to help you, but it would always turn out badly.

Mista’s definition of helping you get through your period is doing some um NSFW things to help your flow.

Sure he would like to hold and cuddle you, but to be honest he can only lay down for so long before he gets antsy.

The type to tell you “I understand how you feel baby” then next minute asks you if you would like to could the dinner for the night.

Mista is also on the same boat as Abbacchio and Narancia. He would get to the store and start sweating from the variety of products. Would probably come out with nothing.

Although Mista does feed into your cravings and even sometimes joins you on them. He is a curious man and he thinks it's cute sharing the same food with them curled up in a buddle of warm blankets from the heating pads.

The best thing Mista does when you are on your period is honestly when he pulls you into his broad arms and gives you the cutest cuddles.

Narancia Ghirga:

I’m going, to be honest, your going to have to explain to him what a period is. He has no idea or clue about it.

Narancia sits there like a little kid soaking up information that seemed so bizarre to him.

At first he would joke about it until he sees you literally actually go through it. He would be like “oh shit” and rush over to you.

Blood isn’t really a big thing with him, but he gets scared still knowing that you are technically bleeding.

Joining the Gang of Pad/Tampon Explorers, he would also be so confused. Fugo refused to help Narancia, by refusing he was in another fit of anger and Narancia thought it was towards him.

The employees notice him wandering cluelessly and will help him out. He is the first out of the 3 to be able to bring the proper merch back.

Also joins food splurges and things like that. He is super affectionate and if you get irritated easily, he could be a tad bit annoying.

He just wants to be around you and comfort you through these times. Not only is he able to take off work, but he gets to spend it with you <3

Pannacotta Fugo:

Fugo would be in the middle. He knows and has learnt about a menstrual cycle, just hasn’t experienced it firsthand.

Not going to lie, it made him panic at first. Of course he kept his cool composure and masked it with that cool facade of his, but we all know that inside he was going haywire.

Makes sure to definitely bring you the proper sanitary items you need for your cycle.

He isn’t one for physical touch most of the time so you’ll need to really be pushy or talk about how much pain you're in.

He’ll feel guilty and apologize before bringing you in his embrace with his face beat red.

Fugo wouldn’t let you leave the little comfort room he made for you. He talks about how it wouldn’t be a wise idea since they all couldn’t understand you like he could even though Trish is a female too.

He is also the type to enjoy you during this time of the month because it guarantees more alone time the two of you could have together.

The only downside is that he doesn’t really like blood or the idea of you staining the sheets. It’s just really icky to him.

Despite his little germaphobe self, he isn’t bad to be around because in all honesty he just wants to enjoy the small alone time he gets to have with you.

Trish Una:

Come on, out of all the Bucci gang members she would be the most understanding.

It’s kind of really wholesome when you're on your period and she is around.

No need to take store trips, she already has everything you need. She has your favorite food, drinks, heating pad, and pain killers to combat your period.

She is just like Fugo and separates you from the rest of the gang because they are stupid in her opinion.

The two of you have little movie marathons and she pampers you by giving you facials or giving you small massages.

Sometimes when the two of you are both on your period, you two are the ones who stick together. Both you lay together and just cuddle while sulking in the same predicament.

At least the two of you can pamper each other and share a heating pad.

She also is huge for comfort so expect to have the fluffiest and softest of sheets while you're sitting there in the cocoon of blankets she made.

Recommend and say she is 10/10 the best be with during your cycle.

[kosomolski-dolls]

Bjd dyeing tutorial

Text version under the cut 💕

Disclaimer: dyeing can damage your doll, either through the color or the heat. Please continue with caution.

What you need:

Dye for synthetic fabrics. I use Rit Dyemore because it's liquid and you won't have a problem with non dissolved powder. It also smells a lot less than for example iDye poly

Rubbing alcohol and magic eraser sponges to clean up excess dye

A pot to dye in. I use an enamel pot because that's what Mismantis on Instagram advises and I know everything from her tutorials. I assume the dye might react with metal. Either way, do not use that pot for food ever again!!

Thread or wire and wooden sticks to hang your doll parts

Your doll.

Make sure your doll is clean!

If it's a new doll, clean with water and soap to get rid of residue like mold release.

If the doll had been painted and sealed before, make extra sure to thoroughly remove it!

I cannot stress this enough, if there is sealant residue, the resin will not take the dye!

Bring your water to a boil, mix your colours and a teaspoon of dish detergent and you're ready to start.

Keep your water simmering but not boiling. The bubbles will get dye all over the place.

Now take a small, straight piece, like an arm, and dip it. The piece should float under water, and not touch any sides of the pot. It will leave marks.

A piece like that would be easy to clean if the dyeing isn't successful. Some resins don't take dye well, they get blotchy and uneven. So if that's the case, get some nail polish remover and dip the piece in it for some seconds and scrub it off, tadaa, dyeing undone.

Keep your phone or anything to stop time close and dip your piece in 10 second sections until you reach the colour intensity you want.

Don't dip too long, the heat can deform the resin, making joints not fit into each other again, or the wire/thread can leave actual dents.

I usually do dips of 30 - 60 seconds max. If I need darker colours I'll add more dye or do another dip after the resin has cooled down.

After you're happy with the tone, throw the pieces into the bowl with water (it should be kinda warm, so the temperature difference isn't too big.)

Now repeat that with all parts.

Rule of thumb, bigger/ thicker parts may take longer than the smaller parts, so check after the time is up, and if necessary do 5 sec dips until it's the same color as the rest.

Take a magic eraser and rubbing alcohol and clean the parts. This will take off the excess dye that will be on the resin.

It will smoothen a lot of uneven spots and streaks. If too much dye comes off, you might have to dip again. But don't skip this step. Otherwise excess dye might stain clothes.

After that, you're pretty much done. Let your doll dry thoroughly so you won't get a moldy elastic later.

Things that can go wrong:

If the resin is uneven, there's literally nothing you can do. It might show in uneven coloring, streaks, spots, that don't go away with the rubbing alcohol.

This is my Unoa that I dyed. The legs got these uneven streaks, and the head has spots that didn't take the dye. The hand was unevenly sanded from company.

Even if it might get out of the pot and look normal, as soon as you clean excess dye with the alcohol, it will reveal the areas that didn't take the dye.

You can kinda see on the left picture already that it's a bit uneven, but after cleaning, some parts were just the original colour again.

You cannot prevent this, sadly.

So if you want to dye a doll, keep in mind that it might happen.

Dolls I've dyed that took the colour perfectly:

Fairyland

Fairy Castle

Souldoll

Charmdoll

Dollzone

Iplehouse

Luts

And lastly: the finished dolls from today

[cest-la-vieve]

A Court of Pain and Pleasure (Ch. 6)

Summary: Evelyn prepares for the trip to Prythian... dreading some of the things she has to do before then

Word Count: 2.3k (sorry this one is so short but it’s just to set up for Ch. 7 👀)

Warnings: Chronic disability/pain, slight cussing, another cliffhanger but hey that’s how it goes

Notes: okay we are catching up to all that i have written but i literally cannot wait to post this soooo guess i’ll just have to write more! please enjoy and let me know what y’all think!

Next Chapter: Chapter Seven

ACOPAP Masterlist

---

I spent the next day giddily packing my bags. I had refused any help from the servants, too full of nervous energy to allow anyone to do anything for me. I paced from my dresser to my bag and to my dresser again as I debated what to pack. Would it be cold? Or would they have magic preventing anyone from feeling it? I decided to just pack of variety of clothes, thinking I could go shopping with Feyre once I finally got there. 

The piece of paper Rhys had given me sat on my nightstand, waiting for me to use it to go to the place of my dreams. I glanced at it every once in a while as I packed, using it to confirm that this was, indeed, real. I had planned to take today to pack and tomorrow to… let Cyril know I was leaving. I hadn’t quite decided what I was going to tell him about where I was going. Maybe I could reuse Feyre’s excuse of a sick aunt, I snickered to myself. Cyril, unfortunately, would demand to go with me and spend excessive amounts of items to help me be comfortable while I aided said aunt.

I told myself to pack at least half of what I wanted to bring, unsure if I would need to travel lightly or not. So that’s how the day passed, packing and puttering around the house. The day came and went, much quicker than I would have liked. I fell into a fitful sleep, plagued by nightmares of the war that could destroy the things and people I love most. The worst dreams were the ones where something terrible befell Cyril as a result of my choice to leave him.

When I woke, I was covered with sweat and exhausted from a night of not-quite sleep. The sun was just barely rising over the horizon and the birds were likely just waking to spread their wings and start their songs. I took a moment to soak it in, the mortal world, a place that was so simple yet so beautiful in its own way. The people here cared more about parties and who rewear a dress, how much they could sell a pelt for, and who had the higher-ranking family name than anything happening beyond the Wall. I wondered what the faeries were plagued with, what their day-to-day worries were.

I stretched my sore limbs and climbed out of bed. Today, I had to confront Cyril. We had scheduled a lunch, under the guise of discussing our wedding, and I was not looking forward to breaking his heart. This, though, I had to do for myself. 

The night that Nesta had asked me about marriage, I had told her I was waiting to live my life first and experience something meaningful. When I had thought it obvious that wasn’t going to happen, I allowed myself to be swept away by Cyril and the normalcy he brought. And now here was my chance to get a taste of that life I was talking about.

Noon came around and I paced the living room, much to Elain’s annoyance. She had brought a gardening book to read in front of our bay window, hoping to master a new kind of plant or flower or produce - I wasn’t sure which.

“Will you quit your pacing? Your stress is beginning to wear off on me,” she asked politely.

“Forgive me for being stressed about breaking a good man’s heart,” I simply replied.

“If you’re that worried about it, then don’t do it,” I shot her an incredulous look, “I’m serious, Eve. Cyril is a good man who would take care of you. You deserve someone as kindhearted as him, someone who loves you as much as he does.” “I also deserve a chance to live my life.” She gave me a sympathetic look but before she could respond, a knock sounded on the door.

I took a deep breath. Here we go.

I swung open the door and greeted Cyril with a pained smile, though he didn’t seem to notice. He greeted Elain where she perched on the windowsill then offered me his arm.

We began our usual trek to town for lunch but I stopped him a little ways from my family’s manor.

I cleared my throat, “We have something to discuss.”

“Yes, darling,” he smiled, “The wedding, which would be more easily spoken about over a hot lunch.”

“Yes, the wedding, but not in the way you think.” He stopped in his tracks.

I noticed his confusion and hesitated to go on. For Prythian. For myself. I gathered the courage before meeting his gaze and stating, “I’m… leaving, Cyril.”

“What?”

“I have to… go.” “Go where?”

I frowned. “I can’t tell you.”

He ran a hand through his blonde hair, mussing it up. “You have to go but you can’t tell me where… is there another man?”

I looked at him incredulously, “Absolutely not! I just… I have some soul searching to do. I want to have new experiences and be free to grow on my own without worrying about what it will do to someone else. I want to make mistakes and learn from them. I want to learn about people who are different from me. I just want to… see something new and exciting and different.”

“So go, then come back, and we’ll get married.” “I can’t marry you, Cyril. I’m not planning on coming back.”

“Evelyn, you can’t be serious.” But I gave him a look that said I most definitely was. “Eve, we just got engaged. We have a wedding to plan - a future to plan. Where is this coming from all of a sudden? Is Nesta sending you away or something?”

I bristled at the insinuation that my sister had something to do with this. “My sister is not involved in the decisions I make.  And it’s not out of nowhere - it’s what I’ve always dreamed of doing. Maybe if you took your head out of your own ass, you’d be able to understand what it’s like to dream of something… more.”

He gaped at me. I could tell he was upset and confused, but he wasn’t even trying to understand how important this was to me. I had known this wouldn’t be easy but I was hoping he would at least try to see that this is what I truly wanted. 

When he didn’t respond, I figured I should end the conversation there. There wasn’t much more to say, anyways. I was leaving and that was that.

I grabbed his hand and opened it so his palm faced the sky. I gently slid the ring off my finger and placed it in his palm before closing his hand and placing a light kiss on his knuckles. “Goodbye, Cyril. May you find endless happiness.” And with that, I turned and began walking back to the manor.

“And you won’t even do me the basic courtesy to tell me where you’re going?” He yelled after me.

I stopped in my tracks and considered it. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt at this point… I turned, smiled as wide as I possibly could, and shouted back, “I’m going to Prythian!” The shocked look on his face didn’t bring me any guilt or pain, only excitement as I spoke the words allowed for the first time.

There was a skip in my step all the way home. I knew it wouldn’t be easy hurting Cyril like that, but in my 21 years of being alive, I had developed a very low tolerance for certain types of people. I learned how to cut people off without dwelling on it. When we lost our fortune and our supposed “friends” refused to help, I simply stopped thinking about them or worrying about their opinions of me. With Cyril, he had been nothing but kind to me, but for my own well-being, it was better to push those feelings of sadness aside and focus on the joy I had about what was waiting for me in Prythian.

I opened the door and heaved a sigh, letting the negative energy out of me in one fell swoop. Elain looked up from her book, in the same spot she had been when I left but she didn’t comment as I trudged upstairs.

Instead of going to my room to stare at more boxes and bags, I walked to Nesta’s study and knocked on the door. Her voice came through the door in a shout of invitation. I opened the door and slid my way into the room, shutting it behind me.

One glance at my empty finger and her face hardened before focusing on whatever papers were in front of her.

“Nesta,” a hum of disinterest came from her, “I only have a few days left before I leave, and I… Well, I was hoping to spend them with you and Elain. No wedding planning, no talks of the future, perhaps some games or walks in the garden and a family dinner?”

She looked up at me again, “Perhaps,” was all she said.

I glowered at her. So that’s how we were gonna play this. She was going to keep that cold front up all the way until the moment I left, so she didn’t have to face the reality of me being gone. I understood why it was easier for her to do it this way, but it was still damn frustrating. If that’s what she wanted, though, who was I to argue?

I left the room without another word and spent the next two days as far away from Nesta as the manor would allow. 

I spent one day with Elain in the garden and despite her hesitance and discomfort with all things Fae-related, she asked me to write to her and describe the plants they had in the foreign land beyond the Wall. I told her I would be more than happy to do so, maybe I’d even draw her a picture of one. We both laughed at this, knowing that if I truly wanted to capture a Prythian flower, I’d have to go to Feyre. She got all the artistic talent of the family.

We sat outside, enjoying the sun and each other’s company, before retiring and having a lovely dinner together. Nesta’s absence was noticed by both of us, but not mentioned. 

The other day, I spent finalizing my packing and walking alone through the large estate that had become home. I realized that while I lived here and could call it home, it had never really felt like that. Sometimes I would have glimmers of it when Nesta would shove me playfully after I would make a particularly distasteful or inappropriate remark or when Elain and I would chase each other down the halls when the other had teased us. It was home in the same way that the small cottage we lived in had been home. The nights spent with Feyre preparing the meat she had hunted for us, curled up with Elain as she would comb my hair to soothe me, or even seeing my father sitting in his chair with his leg placed near the fireplace. 

They were home, my sisters. And while I was leaving two of them behind… I knew I could also find that sense of home in myself, by doing something I wanted to do.

That day was my day of peace and reflection before everything went to hell.

My final day was when it happened. I was meant to message Rhysand that day with my final decision and be picked up the following morning to be taken (how, I had never asked) to that magical city. I put it off until the last possible moment, hoping to bask in the remaining time with my older sisters. 

Nesta had actually lingered near me all day, though she didn’t speak up about my coming trip. She simply kept her presence around, whether she was reading in the same room as me or even just silently observing. I appreciated it more than she knew. I knew it was her way of saying goodbye.

We even had a family dinner, as I wanted. The three of us joked around with no mention of weddings or anything else that normally plagued our conversations. Just friendly banter between sisters. Sisters who truly cared for each other and would do anything for one another.

Nesta told me as much when she hugged me tight outside of my bedroom. All three of us had changed into our nightgowns but were loitering in the hallway, not wanting to say goodnight just yet. She crushed me to her and whispered in my ear, “I would burn the world for you. If they touch you or look at you the wrong way, I’ll be there.”

I smiled as a tear slid down my face. She would. She would burn the world and sacrifice much, much more for me if I just said the word.

Elain gave me a more delicate hug and made me promise to take care of myself and keep them posted about my activities. I told her that she could update me about her wedding plans in return, but I couldn’t promise to feign excitement about it. We all shared a small laugh over that.

Eventually, we began to yawn and realized we had done all that we could to delay the inevitable. I retreated into my room and was settling myself into bed when the entire house shook.

I jumped to my feet when I heard Elain’s screams. Nesta’s cruel voice cut through the house with demands about what was going on. I barely had time to process and come up with a plan when my door burst open and two High Fae rushed in. I ran to my dresser and scribbled a single word on that otherwise pristine piece of paper before the High Fae grabbed me.

Help.

---

Tag list: @mis-lil-red

[charmixpower]

Do you have HC's on how the boys would react to the Winx getting hurt in a fight?

Oooo, yeah. I'm under the assumption that the girlie have returned injured, and not there getting hurt in front of the guys lol

Sky: lmao panic central. Not has hard as some of the other people on this list, but he's very anxious about Bloom. He kinda just hovers over her. If she's just kinda injured or very injured he reacts the same exact way but more. He hovers and worries, and hovers some more. I pity any doctor that has to deal with him. Everything is now worth arguing about, and getting every single detail. Did I mention hovering? He's a little overprotective. Brandon probably ends up getting called at some point (if he's not dealing with someone else of equal or more importance) to help him worry in a more helpful way, Brandon is used to this

Brandon: Listen, he's not up in arms. He was aware that Stella was in the combat track at Alfea when he started dating her. This is pretty expected all things considered. He reacts about the same if one of his teammates got injured. Assess the injury, make them comfortable, handle anything they can't. His reaction tends to proportional to Stella's. If Stella is laughing about it and cracking jokes, then he's not going to act very seriously. If she's crying and shaken, then he's more gentle and attentive. I'm basing his mind set off my mom who doesn't freak out about things bc "what's freaking out going to help?", he's very much the same way. On top of that, him freaking out could make Stella freak out more, and he'd hate to deal with that. If Stella's really injured he takes it with about as level head as he can...and mostly stress takes care of literally anything he can think of because sitting next her and being sad while she heals doesn't help anything. Tries to stay slightly more light hearted than Stella about the situation (unless she's cracking jokes about it) in an attempt to make her feel better about any injuries

Timmy: he's panicking bc dude has anxiety. I'm re-watching s1 and wow this guy cannot function under pressure like at all. Would just try to stick around Tecna and watch over her. He can't really do anything but it gives him peace of mind. He usually isn't more than a room a way. If she needs something he gets it for her, but he's also clumsy as fuck fkend. If Tecna is really injured it's the same thing except he's a lot more visibly upset. Not diddly darn doin ok

Riven: lmao and you thought Sky was panicking. He isn't taking it well, not even a little bit, not thing is ok. Riven kinda measures his self worth based on how useful he is, the the correct way (to him) to be useful to be a partner is to protect them, take care of/support them, be able to give them things they like/need, and make them happy (this one gets added after his epiphany about not being a dick at the end of s1, it's not like he didn't care about that during s1 but he thought the other three and this one were the same thing). Musa being injured makes him think he's completely and utterly failed that first one, which means he's fucked up being a boyfriend which makes him angry at himself. He's trying his best to take care of Musa, and this is one of the rare exclusively soft Riven moments. Musa is hurt so his emotions filter is off for as long as their alone, he will express many soft feelings and immediately clam back up afterwards bc being vulnerable is scary. If Musa is really injured he just just hangs around her when she needs him/wants his company, and he desperately tries to distract himself when he isn't around her bc lord know this man can't handle emotions. He's sad!! And worried!! And mostly expressing this as being pissed as fuck at himself for no reason because he doesn't know how else to channel all this excess energy!! Sometimes he'll just get sad and mope around watching over her. It depends on how he was feeling before hand

Helia: reacts in a similar way as Brandon but with more "planning violent revenge". Helia is very non emotional guy (he has the autistic flat emotions that I have the opposite of), and he's always down for murder if it's for Flora. He doesn't panic, because he just kinda doesn't (it would take a lot to make him panic), but he does make sure everything is perfect for when Flora needs things (tho he isn't stress organizing like Brandon is). Helia likes to keep things under control (like his weapon implies), so he tries to keep everything is exactly how he and Flora need it. If Flora gets really injured, he kinda just freezes. Everything goes to shit because he no longer is taking care of it, he's just glued to Flora's bed side. Helia is out of his emotional depth and it shows

Mirta: she's not one of the guys but SHHH Flora/Mirta is my favorite Flora ship. Um, she's panicking. Like panicking HARD. Between the two of the Flora is the calm one and it shows. She immediately tries to start healing Flora and running around doing everything she can....unfortunately Mirta is kinda clumsy, she tries her best and cleans up anything that she messes up it's fine. If Flora's really injured Mirta gets still and sad instead of hyper and anxious. She still works hard to heal Flora but she's not a mile a minute anymore, she's slower and meticulous...while still internally panicking

Nabu: A very measured response. Not quite Brandon levels, Nabu can't stay that calm even though Aisha is already anxious AF, but he tries to be someone Aisha can lean on without being worried he'll get freaked out too. Tries to cheer Aisha up bc Aisha get catastrophic thoughts, a symtom of anxiety, and can work herself up in a tizzy when she's not actively in the situation (aka no time to think). He usually cheers her up by getting her a fun TV show to watch with some claiming tea lmao, she is not allowed to exercise till she's completely healed. If Aisha's really injured, all calmness goes out of the window. He's panicking. He doesn't know what to do. He's researching everything about the injury and catastrophizing himself. Someone help him, before be spirals into a black hole

[covenlegacy]

Can you make one on how jk will be like as a husband and boyfriend to his fs particularly😌🧖

Dating

I don’t think he likes to go on dates. It’s more of a hard job for him. Either he refuses dates, or he simply does not go on them.

He will prefer something interesting, developing or teaching. Or something fun. Or where he can show himself as the perfect guy, his superiority over others.

Romance is not for him. He would like to combine business with pleasure, which means he would choose a movie (and at the same time he would watch a movie, and not at you).

Or it can be some kind of courses for couples, I heard there are such in Korea.

If you really interested him as a person, then a walk.

As husband

Objectivity, impartiality and impartiality.

Honest, decent, not selfish. Often seems too restrained, but you can rely on his nobility. He is accustomed to take full responsibility for himself. He can often offend a partner, but only with impartiality, objectivity and this tough personal decency. And if he is decent, then you should be the same. Can criticize often and harshly. His honor really exists. He cannot be cajoled, persuaded, seduced - often this turns out to be a very unpleasant discovery for the one who desired it, since no tried and tested methods work. It is impossible to manipulate him, because he sees through everything without any difficulty.

The neutrality, composure and self-control of this card do not favor Shakespearean passions.

He does not lose his head and is not afraid to evaluate relationships critically. He will not allow himself to get carried away and draw too hasty conclusions. Cold in relationships. Nobility is his way of showing cordiality.

Often will seek solitude, tranquility, relaxation. Fall into thought, withdraw into yourself. He is comfortable within the framework of temporary loneliness, temporary detachment and temporary seclusion. He will go into such states in any quarrel, conflict. Not only at home but also at work. It’s his way of getting away from stress. At the same time, he rethinks all his actions and the actions of people. Apathetic, unwilling to do anything, lethargic. “I’m tired”. Because often such a state is difficult to describe with some words, and it is easier to brush it off with a phrase on duty.

“Latent self-development at home watch online.”

It is necessary for him both to survive all emotions, to feel “himself”, and to compare all the actions of people. It looks like the usual lying on the couch, but the processes are going on.

There may be excessive anxiety about a loved one, when love takes on hysterical, intrusive forms. It can show blind, unconditional, fanatical faith and love, but also distrust, suspicion, doubts, sometimes taking on a manic form. “Love and hatred”. Perhaps he is a little “obsessed” - he is ready to literally follow on the heels of the object of his passion, having created for himself an idol and a fetish from a living person. Check the phone, the location, “accidentally meet” somewhere, and all this on the basis of a desperate “I love, I can’t.” He can be unceremonious and rude when he has a switch jammed somewhere. He may not tell you about it, and you will think that everything is fine, but in fact, he already knows what you did last summer.

Perhaps his reason for such “behavior” is treason, or suspicions of her. It could also be a past relationship. However, all this will most likely be caused by the insensitivity of the partner, the state of abandonment and misunderstanding. 

Jungkooks love language

Protection, tenderness, devotion, shyness.

He is ready to provide and protect a person dear to him at any cost. It creates domestic harmony, and brings mature sexuality. It gives a surge of emotions, sensual pleasures, beautiful earthly love, complete trust and a sense of security.

He gives his caring, devotion, dedication, deep affection, passion and selfless thirst for unity with a partner. He is able to subjugate the girl to himself - and feed her with all his being, guessing the slightest desires and trying to provide maximum care. He reveals himself in relationships as a bright personality, he is resolute and firm, knows how to fight for what he wants, going towards it directly or with the help of cunning. This person is wise and almost clairvoyant in love, he devotes himself entirely to relationships. He appreciates comfort, peace, affection.

And since this is what he values ​​the most, he gives it all to his partner.

It gives the partner emotions of tenderness, sensitivity and love, subjugation to charm, deep feelings, spiritual warmth. It symbolizes love, but such, the basis of which is not so much emotions as devotion, affection and trust, the ability to obey and give. He is romantic to the point of impossibility, but his romanticism is different from the “generally accepted”. Usually sparingly shows his emotions and skillfully hides his feelings. He just fantastically knows how to charm, captivate, tune in a romantic mood and send waves of experiences and dreams that transform everyday life. At best, he is endowed with the power to “make a fairy tale come true”, and the fairy tale will be about love. In the worst case, he becomes an amazing manipulator, capable of creating a colossal psychological dependence on himself, because he knows everything about feelings. It is he who can subtly create an atmosphere of complete intimacy and trust, moments of incredible emotional intimacy, an almost mystical depth of contact, and immediately pretend that nothing of the kind happened … He is able to completely capture feelings, hopes, imagination … and at the same time, if necessary, gently be surprised: “But I never said that I love.” He loves and can give Love. The very one, true, eternal, impossible, inevitable, immortal …

Able to love all life. And this is what he offers in a relationship, how he manifests himself. The same romantic who can die of love, without love and for the sake of love. And if his love perishes, perishes, he perishes with him, along the way leaving songs, paintings, poems and symphonies, heartbreaking and great in equal measure, for posterity.

He can engage in the education of feelings - his chosen one, if he is happy, and all of humanity, if it did not work out. The most cold-blooded and malicious-speaking cynic, “educating feelings” by sermons that they are a sign of schizophrenia.

Adapting to a partner is another sign of his love. At the same time, it is possible that he gives himself into the “chain”. Deprivation of freedom both for himself and for his partner is his sign of love. Limiting yourself in many ways. Stiffness, indecision. Inhibition of relations, unwillingness or inability to move on to the next stage is manifested as concern for the partner. Most likely, he completely surrenders himself to the power of a person, being in a sacrificial position, only accepting his pace, his love language. Infringing on everything. Waiting for a reaction and action from the other side, giving the reins to other hands. Perhaps because of past doubts about himself / partner, perhaps because of some rash decisions, now he shows his love - without showing up.

How does jungkook show his jealousy in a relationship?

Invisible and hidden. If the situation has not reached something specific, then he will hint that it is not pleasant for him, or he will write a song, or draw, he can somehow convey his thoughts through creativity, he is unlikely to say directly. Will become courteous, show his interest in you. If suspicions and his thoughts cross his borders, then he can make a scandal, check the phone, forbid him to communicate with someone, leave the house in principle. He will limit you in the way that it would be rational for him to get rid of the obstacles and danger to the relationship.

If the poetic ways are not understood he will just turn on the tyrant.

[crimeronan]

eta: SUPPORT HAS BEEN WONDERFUL, can comfortably get meds And groceries and probably pay back part of rent too 🥺 thank you guys

hello! kitkat crimeronan here with a new request for assistance 😔 god truly does give his hardest battles to his sexiest soldiers..... [stares mournfully into the distance]

the short version is! we cannot rly afford the meds & medical-related food i need at the moment. the financial need is short-term - the household Should be okay financially after i get paid for some upcoming freelance work, but i can’t.... really.... wait several days to get the meds and food.

https://www.paypal.me/kitkatmkath

https://ko-fi.com/elliptical

venmo: @Katherine-MacEachern

the longer version is! back in september when our finances were tight because of health insurance issues and illness, you guys saved us So Much headache & stress. i hate to be making another post like this so soon after that but am Cautiously Optimistic that this is the last big struggle for a while

basically: what i Thought was an injury was actually a mad fucked up gastrointestinal issue. the first attempt to fix it Almost worked but not fully, so The Big Guns are being deployed, etc. i need to go on two different heavy-duty antibiotics and do a specialized diet for a week, and then i’ll be fine.

truly not bad, as treatments go! like. almost miraculous, as treatments go

the One problem is that i STILL don’t have the billable info for my health insurance policy - i can be reimbursed later, once i Do have the info (yay!), but for now i’ve been paying out of pocket. and it has been.... uh..... a lot of doctor’s visits. and meds. (and expensive imaging, but the hospital staff told me i didn’t need to pay upfront there 🥰)

so between that and my wife’s health insurance application Also being in process, i have paid...... [counts on fingers] ~$560 more than usual for health expenses. Just This Month. 

i do not have $560 in excess savings floating around my typical monthly income.

rafi has been covering a lot of our daily expenses like groceries to make up the difference, and they also paid significantly more than half of rent this month (though i will be paying them back when i’m able). so their funds are Also pretty depleted. i borrowed some money from my mom to replace our food after our fridge died (SERIOUSLY. THE FRIDGE FUCKING DIED. ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS.) but i ended up using it to pay for a doctor’s visit instead

all this is to say, Everything Happens So Much. just wanna buy groceries and medication, man, what gives :(

so! any help will go toward paying for my meds, my food, and general household groceries. if anything's left after that then it'll go toward the usual household bills and also reimbursing rafi for being an absolute angel who can do no wrong

as with the last time i made a post like this: Please don’t feel pressured to give if you aren’t able, and definitely don't feel pressured to give a Lot. literally anything & everything helps. i really appreciate you taking the time to read this, thanks to everyone for being so supportive and kind while i've been In The Health Shit these past few months 💕

(posted thursday, october 21, 2021)

[nitw]

Can you explain what you mean with misinterpreting Chara? I've always been confused about that character and you seem to have a pretty solid read you alluded to in that post about Snowgrave.

of course!!! as your local chara defender since the ripe age of 13 i hope you don't mind me doing a small essay on this. please bear with me tho because i sometimes can't articulate my thoughts well on stories that deal with philosophical themes ;;

UHHH SPOILERS FOR UNDERTALE AND DELTARUNE CHAPTER 2 BELOW

first let me make a few things clear so i don't have to repeat myself a bunch:

only tobias radiation fox himself has The Word of God privilege when it comes to things that haven't been explicitly confirmed in the games yet, EVEN if they're strongly hinted at. don't take anything i say about the plot as more than firm personal interpretation based on the info we have right now!

i cannot stress this one enough: undertale is a game that was never meant to be experienced from a singular perspective/mindset. the genocide route doesn't JUST exist for the sake of "enjoy your personalized edgy fuck-you run for being a serial killer in a video game", every one of the total 93 endings (look it up) in this game exists to reflect the player who achieved it in one way or another. the genocide route is really no different from any of the others, because in the end, no matter what, the player who decided to go through with the things they did will ALWAYS be rewarded for it. the question the player will have to ask THEMSELF afterwards is "is this what i wanted?"

OK MOVING ON-

let's think back to the little but vital amount of info we have on who chara actually was, like, as a person. we know pretty much all of this due to 1) the tapes in the royal lab 2) asriel's additional dialogue at the end of true pacifist.

while we'll never really know why frisk fell into the underground, asriel tells us explicitly about chara's hatred for humanity, and how they jumped from mt. ebott for "not a very happy reason"; supposedly a suicide attempt. chara "never talked about why", it's left intentionally vague because their reasoning isn't really what matters. what DOES matter is how this is relevant to the genocide run, ESPECIALLY with the new obvious parallels in deltarune's snowgrave route. i'll get to that.

when you finish the genocide route, chara will talk directly to the player in person. they talk about your (you AND chara's) success, despite "their plan (having) failed". this "plan" is one they secretly made with asriel when they were both still alive, as revealed from the tapes. chara got terminally poisoned from eating buttercups (whether this was fully intentional or not is still kiiinda up for debate), and while on their deathbed, asriel says that he doesn't like the plan anymore. yet despite his fear, he still fused his soul to chara's when they died.

the actual plan here was to become a monster powerful enough to slaughter humanity, specifically chara's home village by their own dying request - this all ties into their mysterious spite and hatred mentioned before. but due to asriel's resistance against chara, their fused body was killed by the humans - which eventually led to the creation of flowey, and asriel's inner demons after death.

but back to the genocide route. during chara's monologue to the player, they give us a LOT of important exposition. basically:

at the very start of the game, frisk's own determination is literally what brought chara's soul 'back to life'. we know how human and monster souls are different and how "determination" in this universe is something only humans possess, so it makes sense why it awakened them. i won't get into the whole narrator theory because i feel like it's not that relevant to my point (it's fun tho), but chara is always present from the moment frisk falls down, and stays regardless of the player's actions.

if you managed to finish undertale at all you'll already kinda know this (thanks sans), but the EXP and LV you (can) gain throughout your journey aren't just numbers on your screen - they're genuine in-universe manifestations of power that increase when you kill someone. and in genocide, chara explains how they were directly affected every time your stats rose. they could FEEL their spirit growing stronger for every life you decided to take (REMINDER THAT THE GENOCIDE ROUTE CAN BE PERMANENTLY STOPPED AT ANY POINT BEFORE SANS. YOU DID THIS.), so is it really that strange that they felt the desire to grow even stronger?

and once you do reach this point, there's no return. all that excessive time and effort you put into killing off a civilization OBVIOUSLY has some consequences. the consequences HERE being - if you paid attention to chara's life story - you took advantage of a traumatized child who was already at the breaking point and making irrational choices on their own, and you led them to believe that this was what they needed!

this is VERY MUCH SUPPORTED by the snowgrave/weird/pipis/whatever route of deltarune chapter 2 that was discovered about 2 days ago as i'm writing this. i'm gonna go ahead and assume you know what happens in it and i don't care to go into details if you don't, since this post is about chara, but surprise: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO NOELLE, TOO! even in a completely normal run, noelle makes it clear multiple times that she wouldn't mind staying in the dark world; that in spite of how scary and dangerous it seems at times (something something horror movies), she started to feel at home. POSSIBLY even more so than her ACTUAL HOME, with her dying dad and negligent mom. like chara, noelle is a young person with low self esteem and her fair share of trauma, even if it's not as apparent. and like in the genocide run, the player's desire to ruthlessly kill in order to grow stronger affected her already-poor mental state.

someone else already pointed this out specifically, so don't credit me for it, but the main difference between chara and noelle is that noelle managed to break free in the end.

if you're like Most People Who Played The Genocide Route Back In Like 2016 and you played the genocide route with no further knowledge about it than "i have to follow these specific steps to get a harder fucked up version of the game", i don't blame you. you didn't actually know what you were doing in the end, did you? but did the outcome disappoint you, make sense to you, or did it just leave you with an empty/confused feeling? i love undertale because it WILL force you to think about things like that. i mean, if the result wasn't gonna affect you in SOME way, why would you go through all of that trouble in the first place? you had your reasons, as the player of any video game where you know your choices matter. would you have carried out the entire thing if you knew what was coming? the answer to that is only relevant to yourself.

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #3; Testosterone HRT, How to Inject, & Its Effects On Body & Mind, Pt. 1

Note: I will likely add more sections to this at a later time, as I learn more about taking testosterone and its effects. Be sure to check back!

1. First, and this can change depending on your body type and what your own endocrinologist recommends for you,

but personally for me and for a lot of transgender men, Testosterone Cypionate, usually 200mg each dose, is the best choice, and so is taking the injection form, doing that intramuscularly, and taking them bi-weekly, meaning every other week on the exact amount of time from the time you took your last dose.

My endocrinologist explained to me that this is due to if you overload your body with testosterone constantly, or if you overdose it in an attempt to get more effects, you will instead have the opposite effect where you will instead gain estrogen, and more of it, because testosterone converts to estrogen when there's an excess of it and the body senses it as something wrong!!

So please please never take more than you are supposed to take, prescribed officially by your doctor.

They usually recommend bi-weekly for most if choosing injections, because it makes it so the testosterone spreads evenly throughout your system the entire time, and just has a very even perfect use that makes the effect stronger and it makes your body get used to it quicker, which speeds up the effects significantly, and tends to be the healthiest option.

2. Also in terms of safety, never ever get testosterone from a non-official source like the black market, online, or from a friend. You cannot trust this, as it has not been evaluated medically whatsoever.

Also, most importantly, you don't have a medical professional there to see if your hormones and all your health is correct and good to start or continue, or what dose to take, or which kind works best for your body, as well as not having any checkups, which is also vital when you take a new hormone in your body to make sure everything is balancing right!!!

So it is very dangerous, you could accidentally overdose, or your body could malfunction somehow, or you could just be injecting yourself with stuff that doesn't work ever!!

There are many things that could go wrong, so PLEASE never ever EVER do this.

Get a trans-familiar endocrinologist.

3. Now mind you, there are other options for taking T if you just cannot handle injections whatsoever.

Option one are tablets called subdermal capsules that they implant under your skin, usually under your arm or shoulder skin as it seems to spread the best that way. They will slowly leak testosterone until they replenish themselves and you have to get them replaced.

Some people praise these as they are pretty even in effects, and they make it so you have a steady supply pretty well, and also you don't have to think about it very often as the tablets last quite a while.

The downside is, that despite its evenness quality, it doesn't actually have very strong effects.

It will still give you effects for sure, but it will take a lot longer, possibly multiple years, to see the full effects of it.

There are also things known as topical testosterone, where you can put a gel or cream on yourself and it will dose you with the amount it has in it.

This is the least invasive option, however it's one with a very small amount of testosterone, so it will take some of the longest to feel, or see, effects.

Also, I have heard from some people that if you are having someone else put the gel on you, if they accidentally get it on their skin, it will literally dose them with testosterone, which is not okay if you have someone who is not trans and does not want it doing it.

So if you choose this route, please do it yourself so you're not dosing any more on to other people, and instead just on to yourself.

It also doesn't waste the dose on others that way, and you get the full effects instead.

There is also things known as oral testosterone, taken through pill form. But I have heard some bad things about these, and I have heard recommendations not to use them due to there being a lot of downsides, as it doesn't absorb into your body nearly as well as any of the other options, even the slower ones.

But really what matters is what you need, and what your body needs, so even though injections provide the most amount and the most even supply when you use them, especially bi-weekly as well, it might be different for you as every single trans guy/transmasculine person is different, physically & mentally!

And some things work better for others, so consult with your doctor, and let them know the effects and the timing you want, and they will suggest options for you if you are not able to choose yourself without assistance due to lack of knowledge etc.

I would however recommend deeply researching every section of testosterone as I did, before going to an endocrinologist, so you are very prepared and know which kind you want already which will make the appointment take less time as well.

Also you never want to rely on the information of just one person, so always research.

Don't just trust my guide immediately or anyone's guide if it's just one you read, instead do your own research on many sites & forums, and find what works for you, as I can only say what works/worked for me.

4. And when it actually comes to the fun part, the injections,

I will give you a step-by-step guide on mostly how to have someone else inject you, but you can also take my advice for injecting yourself, however I have no advice for specifics of that, such as ways to calm yourself down from queasiness when doing it yourself, since I have never injected myself due to me honestly being just a little squeamish about doing it myself.

But I've always had my mother do it, and I have watched occasionally to see how best to do it, and have experienced it quite a few times now, so I know which way is the least painful as well.

If I were ever forced to do it myself, that way I would be able to because I know how to beforehand.

Now what you do is when you pick up your prescription of Testosterone, this is assuming if you take it bi-weekly and an injection form, you get two 1 ml bottles (A month's supply) and you have to unfortunately ask for & buy the syringe that comes preloaded with the needles.

Also make sure never to ask for just a needle, cuz they will literally give you just a needle, and no syringe.

It's happened to me before, LOL.

They usually have the syringes & needles in stock almost always, but there are a few occasions where they didn't have the needles.

But it is honestly annoying having to pay for something extra when the testosterone itself doesn't cost anything, yet the injection needles you need to use it do??? Lmao.

However it's not that annoying, because they're actually relatively cheap!

Here in Nevada, with no discounts used, they usually only cost you about like $3 usually, $4 at most, so it's pretty price effective.

5. I strongly recommend this, it was my mom's edition to this by the way, she strongly recommends as well,

that you should wait at least a month before taking your first dose of T.

Even when you just received it!

The reason for this is because sometimes they will be out of testosterone or out of needles, or you won't be able to afford it for whatever reason, you never know and it's so much better to have at least 1 if not 2 backup doses and syringes + needles on hand so you never have to worry about that.

I was impatient and injected the day I got it, and so though I haven't run into a problem yet, it is stressful knowing that if a mistake happens with the injection and the fluid leaks out too much, or something happens, whatever it is, that I won't have a backup dose.

So, I would highly recommend waiting a month or even two before injecting, so you have two doses and you pick it up way before you run out every time.

That's way more efficient.

6. Now although this comes from the point of view of someone who hasn't injected themselves, and only has been injected, I pretty much know how it works so I could if I had to, I would just be squeamish.

And for a lot of people they feel the same, so it's easier to get a family member or a close friend to do it for you, as long as they're always around when you need to take your dose.

Personally I have my mom do it because she's talented at injections due to having reptiles that needed some done the same way.

So, basically, you take everything out of its containers, and make sure not to touch the needle itself ever.

Once everything's out of its containers, then make sure to test if the needle is totally closed onto the syringe.

If it is, it's good to go.

Checking the tightness of the needle is very important because if you don't, you can end up having the needle pop off inside you, and release none of the testosterone actually inside of you, wasting a dose completely & it just hurts like a SOB.

Now, take the cap off the needle.

I would recommend always sanitizing the needle, the syringe, and also having a little gauze pad or paper towel piece, all soaked with rubbing alcohol to sterilize the area you will be injecting, so there is no risk of infection at all.

Although not extremely important, I'd recommend you'd also want to bring a tiny Band-Aid.

It will be a very very tiny wound, more like a dot, but it actually bleeds quite a bit after, due to it going deep in, so it's helpful to put a Band-Aid on just for the first hour or so, then take it off and let it breathe, and it heals super quick. It'll be gone before, or by the next day, usually.

Please remember not to touch the needle ever as it'd ruin its sterilization. They're usually sterilized, but it might be a good idea to sterilize them again just in case, to basically make sure there is no risk of infection whatsoever.

Also this is just a common sense cleanliness rule,

but I still want to state it to make sure people know;

Always throw away every single needle and syringe you use, as soon as you are done using it.

Do not keep it or EVER re-inject with the same needle.

And also be sure to throw away any testosterone you have left that is excess from your dose.

You do not need that, as it goes bad and won't work after being exposed to air, so it's impossible to save and use later, unfortunately.

Now, you will be injecting intramuscularly in the leg, either leg will do, hell you can switch them up each time if you'd like. It doesn't matter much.

This means you will be injecting on the area of your thigh that is a little high up, and towards the top, but a little to the outer side.

This means the testosterone is injected straight between the muscles, and goes to the bloodstream quickly also, when you inject.

Now you want to remove the lid from the Testosterone Cypionate bottle, and shake It up very very good, so that there are no bubbles, no particles visible in the Testosterone, and no oil separation either.

If it looks completely clear, or is a slight yellowish colour but mixed together well, then you're good to go.

The possible slight yellowish color comes from the cottonseed oil that they use to store the testosterone correctly in.

It makes it to where you have to use a little bit of a bigger needle to inject yourself with, but it's actually a very very small needle and it's not painful very much at all.

A lot of myths I read about testosterone before I received it said the needles were huge and scary and painful, but the truth is they're not at all, even to me who's slightly scared of needles and has low ability to tolerate pain.

Literally, popping a zit hurts worse than the injections.

The pain is something like a very tiny ant bite, or a slight pinch on your skin, it doesn't really hurt very much at all.

In fact, whenever I take mine, even the very first time I did, I didn't even make a sound! And it's over very quickly, as well.

I would recommend for the easiest time however, for a little higher price, getting a 21 gauge syringe needle, and also an 18 gauge syringe needle for each dose you take.

The 21 gauge is larger for drawing up the testosterone from the vial easier than the 18 gauge would.

Then you remove that 21g needle from that syringe, and instead put on the 18 gauge for the actual injecting.

If you want a cheaper price tag, and/or you're just lazy like me, you can get away with using just an 18 gauge needled syringe, however it makes it much significantly harder to draw up out of the vial.

It is still quite possible, but is for sure challenging, mistakes can occur so be very careful if you choose this route.

Now when you're trying to draw up the Testosterone Cypionate out of the bottle, you want to hold it upside down, or downward at an angle kind of diagonal, and you want to make sure the needle is visibly in the liquid.

Then, you draw back slowly, but try and fill it as much as you can. You can always dispose of extra that you don't need.

If using only the 18 gauge like said earlier, which is what I personally do, it is very hard to draw up out of the bottle, so be very careful, and try to figure out the trick to it, is all I can say.

Everyone has a different trick for it.

Don't use all the testosterone in the bottle however for your actual being-injected-dose.

You need to usually use only 75 mL of the 1 ml bottle each dose.

Also before you ever inject, but after you fill the syringe, make sure to aspirate the needle, which means to act like you're injecting it, in the air pointing up, needle upwards, and you very slowly push down, which expels a little bit of the testosterone, but you also expel any air particles or bubbles that are trapped inside.

This is why you want to put a little more in the syringe than you actually will inject, because when you aspirate the needle some will leak out and make it the perfect amount to inject, rather than losing it an amount of it that you need.

If there is even a single bubble inside the syringe, that can cause a heart attack, and many other deadly problems!!!

So do not ever inject, if there is a bubble in your syringe.

If there is, best case scenario is you try to aspirate it heavily, even if you need to then refill it somewhat afterwards, the most important part is making sure no air bubbles are in it.

If there is no way to get the bubble out, you'd need to buy a new syringe, as it most likely has a deformation of some kind.

But that's the worst case scenario, and personally I haven't experienced that yet.

That, however, is why it is so important to aspirate, to make sure there's no air left in the syringe before you inject.

Now you want to make sure to get exactly .75 ml, that you put it up to the line right before 1 ml and that's about the amount you need.

And remember; never take more than prescribed, it will have the opposite affects you want.

Now that you know all the details, here is how to perform injecting the actual testosterone.

You take the needle to the sterilized area of thigh that you cleaned with the rubbing alcohol.

And you can either use a kind of sideways diagonal position to go in, or you can use straight on.

I find straight on makes it much less painful for me, so I usually go with that, but either way works, and whatever is most comfortable for you is what you should use.

Now you just go in kind of slowly, and try not to move the needle around too much, just push slowly all the way in 'till the needle is completely in the leg.

Then dispense slowly the testosterone to the intramuscular area, and once all the testosterone is out of the syringe and inside your bloodstream, pull it out very slowly, all the while holding the skin around it firmly, so that it doesn't hurt as much pulling it out. If you pull it out fast it fuckin' hurts.

You can also sterilize the area of injection again, if you want, but it's not really necessary.

Then, you just put that Band-Aid previously mentioned on, for like an hour, and you're good!

7. Now for the effects of testosterone, though I don't have a perfect timeline. But around one DAY in, I noticed for some reason my clitoral growth where your clitoris pretty much changes into a tiny penis except the urethra doesn't move unfortunately without surgery.

It can grow one to two inches at max, although I have not experienced that much yet.

However for some reason I had definitely experienced minor clitoral growth pretty much as soon as I took my first shot of testosterone, which is incredibly rare, as it's supposed to happen six months to a year in and be one of the later effects!! But for some reason, it was the first effect I got, so that really goes to show that everyone is built quite different, so some things in this guide might not be totally accurate for everyone.

1 week in, I started experiencing a very hoarse voice, not a sore throat or anything, but just where your voice sounds like you're sick or you're losing your voice, for some reason.

This is the first step in your voice changing to a deeper baritone.

It's usually not painful whatsoever, but I have heard from some people that it can irritate their throat occasionally due to the foreign feeling of it, this stage doesn't last very long though.

Then, about 1 month in, I started noticing extensive hair growth. Also I seem to have got way darker hair than any of my family members ever had, and way more hair than they ever had, so you can't totally rely on the predictions of what your family looks like to see how you're going to change.

You kind of have to be ready for anything to happen, but usually the hair growth and the masculinity of your family will almost always pass on to you when you transition physically.

This can even include male pattern baldness eventually.

Sometimes it happens to trans men immediately after taking it, other times it will take years and other times it will be when they're elderly like cis men have.

Personally, I have not seen any male pattern baldness yet, however my front l of my hair slightly receded back and in the shape of male members of my dad's side of my family, but nothing like a total receding hairline.

It still looks like a full head of hair!

Usually you can tell what type of hair you get by looking at your family members closely.

If your family includes a lot of thick hairy people naturally, then you are going to usually get very large amounts of hair.

If you have a family with barely any hair, or very light coloured hair, you'll usually get a small amount of hair or a large amount of hair but with light colour. Personally, I got real lucky so it's clear that there are exceptions, but that's usually how it goes is that you can look to your family members as to how you're going to look and sound like.

About 3 months in, my voice started really deepening and I mean really deep. But the funny thing about it is that sometimes it will switch from being really low and masculine and amazing, to being kind of regular like before, to a little low but not super low, and even to what I call the "permanent helium" which makes you literally sound like you inhaled helium but it's literally just your vocal cords cracking that bad from growing to a male length.

Sometimes it will crack in a way where you can't stop talking in that high pitch, and it's really awkward, but it is also really funny if you learn to laugh at yourself, and always remind yourself that this is the process of gaining a deeper voice.

I have heard that vocal training to make your voice deeper also helps exponentially for more effects if you want a super deep voice.

About 4 to 5 months in, which is where I'm currently at, I've experienced way more hair growth!

Even more so than the start of it.

My head hair seems to be thicker and healthier for some reason, I'm not sure why because I have never heard of that affecting your head hair, its texture, or its thickness like that?

But it seems to have happened, so I guess it's possible?

I'm gaining a moustache and a few beard hairs, but mainly my moustache is super dark and already very visible.

Also due to my moustache and my deep voice alone, now I can already pass pretty much 100% of the time if maybe 99%, and I'm a very naturally baby-faced person too, so that's impressive!

My voice is mainly settled into a pretty deep baritone.

It still has a little bit of a high pitch sometimes, but barely.

I can tell there's a little more progress needed, but not much.

I don't do the helium thing as much as I used to, but it does still occasionally occur as lengthening your vocal cords, which is what occurs when you take testosterone, can be a lengthy and frustrating process at times.

I have also specifically seen lots of body hair at this time, way more than the sparse amount at first, including even a happy trail and a little bit of chest hair although it's not noticeable yet unless you squint, but it still has way more than I used to!

Also my hair on my arms, and especially on my legs, is thick, dark and everywhere.

I've also noticed my fat is starting tk begin redistributing a little bit.

It's not totally doing it yet, but it's getting close, as my thighs, hips, and behind area lost a bunch of weight, while my stomach gained a little bit of weight and so did my arms.

I also gained a fair bit of muscle as not only can I see it when I flex, but also I can lift things a little easier than I used to, and muscle seems to develop easier for me, even when I work out barely.

I've never been a very physical person, so it's still hard, but it's way easier now that I take testosterone.

Those are all the effects I have to record right now, as I'm only 4-5 months in, but I will update this with new parts as I experience more and more.

Also, please take all effects and timelines with a grain of salt, because everybody works differently.

Also I specifically was mentioning Testosterone Cypionate, bi-weekly injection form, so if you take testosterone in a different way, some of this might be different, irrelevant or even completely useless to you, but I am only able to provide information on these forms as they're the only form I've taken of it myself.

Now, to quickly dispel a few stupid myths that circulate around taking testosterone, to ease your worries.

Myth #1. "Testosterone makes you aggressive, violent, and a bad person!"

The truth is that testosterone does not change who you are, whatsoever.

It can however change certain little preferences like for example what flavor food you like will sometimes change, but usually not all foods, just a couple, or sometimes even just one.

It can change little tiny details, like maybe your favorite colour may change, and it definitely does have its emotional effects for sure, but it does not make anyone aggressive or violent automatically.

Testosterone is not an angry hormone, and estrogen is not a peaceful hormone, despite what most people stereotype them as being, so just blanketing everyone under the term of "aggressive" because they have testosterone in them is straight-up incorrect at best, and also sexist at worst.

Estrogen is not better than testosterone. Testosterone is not better than estrogen. It just matters what you want in your body.

What it may actually do is sometimes, people will experience a wide variety of emotions, including extreme euphoria and confidence (that's the effect I seem to have had, thankfully!)

Other people however will get very emotional and sad and will cry over things easier, and no, that's not an estrogen trait, testosterone can do that too.

And sometimes, on a rare occasion, people can get more irritable or cranky. But they're never violent.

They just get a little grumpier than usual.

However, all these emotional effects eventually do phase out and stabilize, and you'll be back to all your regular moods.

You never truly change who you are as an individual, and your beliefs and morals will stay the same.

It's not like you will completely change into a different person, you will never have to fear that, nor should any of your family and friends.

Myth #2. "Testosterone is steroids, right? So doesn't that mean that you're stronger than everyone else?"

This is a ridiculous notion, and I'm not even sure how it got spread im the first place, but I've heard it firsthand, and it's really as stupid as it sounds.

Testosterone is not steroids, they may have some similar properties due to chemical makeup, but they are not in any way steroids.

Steroids are an addictive & potentially harmful drug. Testosterone is a naturally occuring hormone that we all have some of.

For instance, testosterone also does not make you any more muscular just automatically.

It can make you a little more muscled subtly due to the muscle structure changing to that of a cis man's, but it can't straight up make you jacked, that's just not possible.

Also it does not make you any stronger than anyone else.

It might make you a little stronger than a cis female, but you are not stronger than a cis man, in fact you're weaker, due to starting out assigned female at birth.

I'm not sure why people assume that if you take testosterone, that means you're strong??

Because you're taking testosterone because you don't have any so clearly you don't have very much.

I'm not totally sure where this silly notion got spread, possibly as a way to make trans people feel guilty for taking T, by making them think it's a drug, and it's just not when you look at the facts.

It's good to dissuade folks who think this way, from this notion, as it can also make us look like drug addicts or on steroid pills, which both are just completely false.

Testosterone is not even addictive.

It's a natural hormone inside your body.

Myth #3. "Testosterone will give you all forms of cancer, and strokes and heart attacks, almost certainly!"

I'm not sure where or how this got spread either, it is true that it is possible, they said, in a scientific study, that they can't confirm completely that it could theoretically make your chances of stroke and heart attack a little higher due to your system basically changing to that of a cis man's, and going through a cis man's puberty.

But honestly, you have less risk of strokes and heart attacks than even cis men do, and you don't have a prostate which is a common location for men to get cancer, so you actually have an advantage over most!

It's very rare that you would ever come into contact with one of these things happening, pretty much as rare if a little less as it would be if you didn't take T at all.

There is also no evidence whatsoever that testosterone causes cancer, of any kind, let alone all of them.

A lot of people have tried to spread this rumour, to stop people from getting HRT treatment, which is really cruel and fucked up, and a lot of parents will use the "cancer" excuse as a way to not give their child HRT.

The truth is that it does not cause cancer, and that is a complete myth.

There's actually some evidence that being on T might improve your chances of fighting cancer, and having a stronger immune system for it as well.

Myth #4. This kind of goes along with the other one, but some people believe that "If you take testosterone, you could be shortening your lifespan by many years!!"

This is complete speculation, nothing has been confirmed.

It's possible, perhaps, that it could shorten your lifespan by a couple years, but not many.

You still would have an advantage over cis men again.

But it's never been truly proved that your lifespan gets shorter from T, so there is no reason to fear less of your life occuring just because you're trying to make yourself happier.

All right, I think that's all the rumours I can set straight, and all the info & advice about injections and medicine and general information about testosterone that I can give you at the moment.

I will update this post later, so please check back again in maybe a few month's time from now, as then I will have more effects to discuss.

But if I want to leave you with anything to think about,

remember that testosterone is a completely safe and natural chemical hormone that produces itself in your body already.

You just don't have enough of it to look the masculine way you want to.

It is not dangerous, it won't hurt you and if you really want it, go after it!!

But I would also very much advise you to be sure you want to go ahead with it, and that you are okay with all effects happening.

Because if you aren't, if you are even the least bit hesitant, not only will the doctor not allow you to proceed because you are not mentally fit to yet,

but also if you did end up taking testosterone then you could end up getting effects that you don't want, and having them be permanent, and causing you dysphoria for the rest of your life.

So please, make sure to know yourself well, and know your wants and needs clearly.

I also highly recommend having a psychiatrist or a mental health therapist for quite a while before going into testosterone therapy.

Not only does it make you more qualified to acquire testosterone because it shows you actually thought it through, but also it is exceedingly helpful for the mental and physical changes you will be proceeding with over these next years.

The last thing I want to say, my closing note, is congratulations on your testosterone, if you received it!

And I hope my guide helped in any way, and apologies if it ended up really long this time, there's a lot of things you need to know about T.

Thank you for reading, and I hope this humble trans guy's journal entries help you at all.

- Atom T. L. Yorke