#but i like how cas develops his relationships with his female love interests over time. they are compelling to me. they really build on eac

[incesthemes]

i feel like this opinion would get me killed in some places of the internet but castiel or misha or whoever has so much more genuine, compelling chemistry with his female love interests (or pseudo-love interests, i can't figure out what hannah is supposed to be) than with dean/jensen. like i'm 3 episodes into season 10 and i'm earnestly hoping for a romantic (or something) subplot with cas and hannah because i like how they're developing together. idk, i think it's nice. i like how cas interacts with the female characters; there's a lot there

[teenyjellyfishy]

This is honestly really interesting to me as someone who tries really hard to look at media from a bunch of directions. Because I really get where you're coming from with this! But I also don't think ppl ARE invalid to be upset with Aerith's character changes because it's really hard to divorce the intentional misogyny from interpreting the work bc it's like. Are we giving the writers more credit where it's due? Are we digging deep into the kiddie pool out of denial and thanking the writers for the diving board? Is all the watsonian explanation in the world meaningful when the doylism is there to embitter it? Is THAT fanon?

I really like your insights on Aerith as a character during the cc period, because it feels real for her character! But... i feel like I can't blame people for being upset when so much of the meaning you can talk about isn't something CC wanted to actually engage with in its narrative. How are we meant to talk about the meaning of Aerith undergoing changes when we know that the changes weren't made for HER as a character but for the perception of her? When a writer decided Aerith couldn’t be bold and flippant, couldn’t wear pink or wear a bow or have the idea to sell flowers by herself, and so instead have Zack initiate it- because that's why it happened. Is it then... a failure to be unable to view the story in a vacuum?

This wouldn't be a conversation if Aerith had had significantly more screentime in CC, nor if we hadn't had flashes of the child Aerith of OG. Like at all. If Aerith had had conversations with Zack about the bad of Shinra and what he as a SOLDIER represents to her, if Zack had grappled with that as something closer to home now that he had Aerith, perhaps the idea that he really doesn't think abt things until they affect ppl he knows, that would have made Aerith feel... there. Like she was written, yknow. She knows how evil Shinra is, how much they fuck over the world and ppl, and she’s RIGHT. Maybe once she gets comfortable with Zack, she's willing to argue with him, be upfront and upset like she did to Cloud at certain times. If less of the defining characteristics she had were kicked off then and there (the flower selling idea and PINK from Zack felt particularly egregious), if she was ducking away from the Turks and Zack used his power as 1st to protect her. Her portrayal didn't need to be the specific way it was in order to have her grow as a person; for a character so important she shouldn't have been shunted so much.

It's defo a problem that people aren't willing to engage with female characters' own given stories though. We're so used to sexy lamp portrayals of women that it's so easy to wary. Recently i think abt Jill ff16 who i think IS a good character but suffers so deeply from being so deeply underutilized in the actual game. I think a lot abt that one "fandom be like i can't enjoy female characters they're always so badly written anyway i love this male character whose personality is 3 tropes here's my 10k character analysis fanfic" tweet bc it's so real. Women need 10k character analysis fanfic too, frankly. I also think perhaps my relationship with the word "canon" when it comes to character and narrative interpretation has been deeply soured by (ct/ca) shipper twitter, king of Just Saying Things. But when it comes to trying to talk about CC, a lot ends up feeling like Just Saying Things, and I think it might also be telling that a lot cc-era fics hardly even want to PLAY with Aerith's development and the mess going on with her life. As she's presented in the game, nothing is ABOUT her, and I don't know if I blame ppl for not wanting it.

The most canonical misogyny in the compilation i can think of is the treatment of aerith in cc and the explicitly stated by nojima aim to attribute as much of her character to Zack as possible bc they were afraid she was dislikable. What am i missing

i mean there is misogyny in canon, this is a game made in the 90s. i would be more surprised if there wasn't

the main thing is that people are so ready to take everything in bad faith that it shuts out any room for meaningful discussion. in fact aerith is a prime example

it's shitty that the devs felt aerith wouldn't be likable if she wasn't directly tied to zack as much as possible, but that doesn't automatically preclude her characterization in cc as something that should be taken into consideration, because it actually does say a lot about her and her growth

she's not some uwu delicate flower damsel just because she's afraid of soldiers and the sky. she's afraid of soldier because they literally represent shinra's willingness to use brute force and exploit things they don't understand for their own benefit. she grew up in captivity under shinra. her mom died because of shinra. obviously she wants nothing to do with them; zack is the one who shows her that there are still people who want to do good in an inherently evil institution

her statement about the sky is always the one taken the worst out of context. but like. the planet speaks to her. presumably it speaks to her more when she's surrounded by nature and shit. she barely knows what her heritage represents. she is fifteen years old and the planet is screaming at her. this is terrifying

and her character arc in og has always centered around her learning about her identity and coming to accept the unique role she has-- something that only she can do. she actively expresses her discomfort with facing it alone after she learns more about it in cosmo canyon, but she musters her courage because she cares about her friends and their future. her being afraid of the sky and what it represents as a starting point ties in perfectly with this, actually

except people are more willing to yell about how her character in cc is butchered and isn't the "real" aerith because ~misogyny~ than actually think about what her change means for her. it doesn't help that there's also a ton of people who are totally willing to lean into the mystical delicate flower plot device girl trope, and it's ubiquitous enough people start confusing fanon for canon

and so in reaction people get angry about her "canon" characterization and just copy/paste her personality from disc 1 or give her an entirely new personality and say they've "fixed" canon, with zero regard for her motivations or character growth. gee i wonder if that's misogynistic too

[waffles-for-brunch]

This project began as an indirect response to a few negative tweets in the days following the Valentine's Day Destiel wedding. During such time that “certain sources” chose to speak against the impromptu "wedding" and state that the direction of the show never included sexuality or romance. Since this argument has sparked a bit of discourse as to the validity of Dean Winchester and Castiel's relationship and sexualities, I began this edit as an exploration of observations throughout the entire 15 season run of the series. (That's not to say that Sam does not also have his own impactful romances throughout the show -he does have several notable ones- but in his case they are never debated upon or erased.)

There are three complete edits linked below. The differences are explained in their descriptions. (I also recommend downloading for best quality rather than simply watching in the browser, but it’s your choice)

BiDeanEdit: (Click here to download)

Runtime: 18:04:44

File Size: 10.0 GB (10,741,415,805 bytes)

Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships and intended expressions of their sexualities (ie interest in both genders). This edit focuses on their relationship as it develops with one another, their other notable relationships (DeanxBenny, CasxMeg, DeanxLisa, etc), and the framework around their sexualities with small scenes of expression (ie Dean in ‘Playthings’ or ‘Everybody Hates Hitler’, or early seasons Dean & his transgressions with women, or Cas in ‘Caged Heat’)

BiDeanMLMEdit: (Click here to download)

Runtime: 14:40:57

File Size: 8.05 GB (8,649,798,685 bytes)

Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships and intended expressions of their sexualities. This one is the same as the last but with only MLM content (Otherwise referred to as ‘only the gay parts’). We focus on this more repressed side of their sexuality and see these clues laid out altogether in one fluid edit (these examples are also available in the previous edit, however are just not aligned beside any heterosexual content). DeanxCrowley, DeanxBenny, DeanxLee, DeanxCas, etc. 

DestielOnlyEdit: (Click here to download)

Runtime: 13:08:49

File Size: 7.17 GB (7,709,560,696 bytes)

Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of only Destiel related content. The same as the above edit, just simplified even more to only focus on Dean and Cas’ relationship over the years. 

Keep reading below to find my full analysis of the complete edit regarding these guys sexualities, relationships, and the parallels we can draw. 

To understand why it is that so many queer fans of Supernatural and other similar shows read queerness in characters and their relationships, we should look at the hays code established in 1930. At this time this certain code was established to monitor what was allowed to be depicted outright on film. Within the margins of what was to be stifled, was homosexuality. As such, filmmakers had to plant “queer-coded” seeds into the writing and subtext so that queer audiences watching could interpret these characters and relationships in this manner without the words and actions stating so outright. (At this time homosexuality could be depicted on film as long as said gay character was either a villain, caricature, or met an untimely end- feeding into the blossoming of the kill-your-gays trope. But that’s another topic for a later time.) 

As film changed over the years and times became more accepting of lgbt characters portrayals on screen outside of simple coding, this did not make the code obsolete. Queer-coding and queer-baiting are often used in media in present day as a way to pull in viewership. Networks are able to garner the best of both worlds, in a sense. They can draw in heterosexual audiences that may not want to watch queer media, whilst also drawing in queer audiences by coding some characters and relationships just enough to pull those viewers in. This works simply because there is such a lack of queer representation in most media that we’ll take what we can get. 

This is where Supernatural comes in. There is a reason that Supernatural and thus “Destiel” is known by some as “The Great American Queerbait.” This twelve years long gay slow-burn between one overly masculine character and his awkward angel best friend did not begin with the intention of romance or baiting, as many of these things generally don’t. However, once fans realized the chemistry between these two particular actors and characters, it became something blatantly written into the show. Sometimes jokingly, other times as legitimate moments of emotional intimacy between two characters. So to say that the show’s direction never included sexuality or romance is, to put it bluntly, bullshit. Just because something is not written in clear and concise wording right in your face, does not mean that it is nonexistent and that the writers did not know what they were writing into the show. (Not even to mention the actual love confession in 15x18, but I digress). 

We know very well that queer content has been written subtextually into media for the better part of seventy years. It is a language in media just as much as lighting is a language, just as much as certain camera angles, color design in costumes or set decor, and music design are languages. All of these, outside of the simple words said on screen, make up our media and these characters and our shows. Tv is a world of color, not black and white.

[[ further readings on the above topics: X X X X X ]] 

I decided upon this full edit encompassing both the female and male aspects of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships & sexualities because oftentimes when we’re looking into potentially queer characters we tend to focus on the same sex attraction and neglect the opposite sex attraction. Both are very important to acknowledge and compare, if at the very least to view where they may overcompensate, where toxic masculinity may come into play, compulsory heterosexuality, trauma responses, etc. Sometimes what a character doesn’t do is just as important to interpret as what they do do. 

For instance, Dean Winchester. If we are to operate under the assumption that he is bisexual, any repression we witness throughout the series as to his male attraction is likely to be a result of his difficult upbringing, similar to most queer identifying people with childhood trauma. His father is a marine, the picture of manliness in which Dean himself blatantly embodies in an effort to impress and make his father proud in any way he can. Dean is already unlikely to seek out activities in any aspect of life of which might make John look at him in a different light (ie, in an every day setting, even simply watching Finding Dory- this is not something S1 Dean would have admitted to liking, but we see Dean in later seasons standing up for himself and his appreciation for it). 

Is it perhaps for this reason that we see Dean as an overly blatant and flirty ladies man in season 1 when John is still alive, while this side of him steadily declines as the series continues? It even becomes established in season 3- in light of Dean’s fears surrounding going to Hell, he enters an attitude for coping that Sam recognizes- hypermasculinity, promiscuity, deflection. Heightening the idea that this caricature of himself that he embodies is a mask that he wears in order to cope with something else. He is donning the image he assumes others think he should fit into. Sam calls him out on this through the years, and eventually this becomes something we see in him less and less as he feels more comfortable simply being himself. 

If we take into account the time of which this first season is filmed, this is 2005, a time where gay jokes were still funny and an overcompensating character was a joke attached to it. We see Dean built up in these first couple of seasons through this lens of jokes about a hyper-masculine character being mistaken for gay, however instead of this building up the masculinity to encourage a raging heterosexual characterization, this overcompensation is exactly what inadvertently sows the seeds of queer-coding. To queer watchers this reads as a deeply repressed character with childhood trauma who overcompensates when faced with observations of gayness and uses hypermasculinity to counteract these accusations. 

It is through circumstances such as “Bugs” in S1 or “Playthings” in S2 that we first see these ‘jokes.’ The brothers are mistaken as a gay couple. Dean being the more “masculine’ of the two characters has a blatant reaction to these situations (Overcompensating), and Sam’s lack of a reaction is what solidifies his own straightness all the more. Neither brother is homophobic (this becomes established as time goes on) so why would either have a problem with this mistake? Sam wouldn’t care because he’s clearly not gay- in fact, he usually just laughs it off. Dean would care because he wonders what about him looks gay? Do other people see it too? Do they know? What’s wrong with him? 

We also see another blatant example of this type of freakout in season 8. “Everybody Hates Hitler.”

(Images: “Playthings” S2xE11)

(Image below: S8 “Everybody Hates Hilter”)

We frame these situations in early seasons around girl of the week scenarios and brief bar flirtations. Have to make it clear that our manly straight character looks as manly and straight as possible. Dean is also in his 20s, he’s more carefree/not as traumatized yet, and he is a sexual man so he does sleep around quite a bit. What is notable, however, is how much this drops off in later seasons. As time goes on Dean seeks out less and less the fleeting encounters of one night stands, in favor of genuine connections- even if he himself frequently doubts his own ability to ever have a settle-down type of relationship or life. Lisa is the only long-term female romantic relationship Dean ever has throughout the series run, and this tentatively begins in season 5 and ends in season 6. 

Dean and Lisa’s relationship is founded more in a dream of something that Dean wants to be rather than who he actually is. Although he loves her, their bond is made through trauma and their relationship overall is reminiscent of a soldier who returned home from war with heavy PTSD and begins to burden the family that he will come to realize he doesn’t quite fit within anymore. 

Outside of this, his closest relationships from thereon out are between Benny, and Castiel. 

Let’s start with Benny. Throughout season 8 Benny is framed as an ex and his relationship with Dean directly parallels Sam and Amelia’s. Both brothers must confront their relationships with their ‘significant others’ and decide whether to cut them off or proceed. Both brothers found these people under circumstances in which they did not get along with them at first but were pushed together. Another person comes in the middle of their relationship (Amelia’s husband for Sam, or Cas/Sam for Benny). The brothers each resent the other’s significant other or the circumstances surrounding the relationship. Sam hates Benny because he is a vampire and Sam does not understand why Dean continually trusts him (which is a circumstance inherently queer-coded in itself for comparability to an unaccepting family). Dean does not care for Amelia simply for the fact that Sam chose her over looking for him in purgatory.

Other instances we see parallels between Sam’s romances and Dean’s:

“Sex and Violence” S4 siren: Nick(Siren)/Dean parallel to Sam/Dr Lady

Season 4: Ruby/Sam and Cas/Dean teamup parallels

S1 Dean pulling Sam from the fire away from Jess vs S12 Sam pulling Dean away from Cas who may die approaching Lucifer to fight

Season 8: Dean/Benny vs Sam/Amelia. Dean and Benny, since they’re essentially going through a breakup, are directly paralleled to Sam and Amelia and their breakup. See “Larp and the Real Girl” for Charlie and Dean’s conversation about Sam’s recent breakup and Charlie picking up on the fact that Dean might also be going through one. 

1x05 vs 8x07: Sam seeing Jessica on the sidewalk as they drive down the street vs Dean seeing Cas on the side of the road as he drives down the street

S11: Perhaps this one can be interpreted loosely and not necessarily romantic (esp on Sam’s end), but “O’ Brother Where Art Thou” both brothers are drawn to forces they actively fight against being drawn to. SamxLucifer and DeanxAmara. 

S11: “Beyond the Mat” not a relationship but with crushes/infatuations. Dean with Gunner Lawless and Sam with Rio. 

S15: Cas telling Dean that “We Are” real. vs Eileen being unsure what’s real and Sam kissing her and saying “I know that was real.”

S15: “The Trap” Dean loses all hope following the death of their friends and primarily Cas. Sam loses hope after Eileen’s death. Directly paralleled in the episode. (We also see Sam lose Eileen in 15x18, where Dean also loses Cas)

Additional parallels between Dean/Cas with anyone else:

Season 9/10: Cain/Colette vs Dean/Cas. “She only asked for one thing. To stop.” vs Cas asking Dean to “Stop”. Both circumstances referring to the Mark of Cain.

S12 “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” Lily (human)/Isham (angel) vs Dean (human)/ Cas (angel)

Led Zeppelin: This music means something within John/Mary’s relationship, which Dean directly acknowledges in 12x01 with Mary. We find out Dean has gifted Cas a mixtape of his “Top 13 Zepp Traxx” in 12x19. (the implications of Dean having made a mixtape for Cas, being its own point in a different discussion)

When Lucifer contacts a person to try and get them to open up to him, he uses their dead lover as a ploy. SamxJess, NickxSarah, VincexJen, DeanxCas - 15x19 when Lucifer calls Dean using Cas’ voice. 

The parallels of unreciprocated love/infatuation. DeanxCrowley and CasxHannah. Dean likes Crowley but clearly not the way that Crowley likes Dean. Cas likes Hannah like a friend or sister, but she keeps putting the moves on him for awhile and he appears deeply uncomfortable and has to shoot her down more than once. 

Parallels between Dean’s own relationships:

Dean in “Let it Bleed” torturing demons to find the location of Lisa and Ben vs Dean in Purgatory torturing monsters to find the location of Cas “The angel”

“The Rapture” opens in Dean’s dream which Cas visits and says he’s in trouble and gives Dean an address to go to immediately. “The Song Remains The Same” opens in Dean’s dream which Anna visits and says she’s in trouble and gives Dean an address to go to immediately. 

S6 Dean dodging calls from Lisa vs S12 Dean dodging Cas at the beginning of “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” (notable also how Sam treats both circumstances the same)

S11: “Into the Mystic” 11x11 Mildred tells Dean the key to living a long and happy life is to follow your heart. Later in the season “All in the Family” 11x21 When Casifer is still captured by Amara, she puts her hand to Cas’ heart and is able to connect with Dean to contact him. Hinting at the link between Cas and Dean’s “hearts.” 

Not necessarily a parallel but an observation. 7x01 when Cas is loaded up on God juice, and Dean has given up but Sam hasn’t and wants to talk to ‘the guy’, Dean says, “He’s not a guy, he’s God.” But in 11x18 Dean refuses to give up on Cas and let him continue to be possessed. Sam keeps speaking about Cas like he’s just a vessel and Dean says, “It? It’s not an it, Sam. It’s Cas.” Mostly this shows the development of their relationship and Dean’s willingness to continue to fight for him. 

Dean’s dream world with Pamela in S14, she says to Dean “How come you only want what you can’t have?” and in S15 during Cas’ confession scene he says to Dean, “The one thing I want, is something I know I can’t have.”

Before we delve into Dean and Castiel specifically, let’s explore a few more things regarding Dean. 

Let’s start with Cassie. This is Dean’s first romantic relationship we see on the show, and is arguably his first love. What is notable about her is her characterization and Dean in relation to her. We haven’t seen him in a relationship before, and thus this is the baseline to which we can draw how he is in this type of vulnerable state.

We see here that he is drawn to strong individuals. Cassie is a very strong willed character and can hold her own. She has a boldness about her. Dean appreciates that. We see similar in his next framed love interest: Jo Harvelle. Jo is another strong character, and though Dean sees her more as someone he needs to protect because she doesn’t have as much experience under her belt, he respects her intellect and strong will all the same. They connect through a love for hunting and mutual daddy issues. Personally, this is a relationship I view more as a little sister dynamic in a similar vein to Dean and Charlie, however this pairing is still worth noting because as it was written it was intended to potentially flourish into a romantic relationship. This did not pan out, though the seeds are still there. 

Next up is Anna. Again daddy issues are a solid connection these two hold, and while this relationship is more of a one-night-stand than anything else, there are still important points to be taken from this encounter. The first is just how much Dean cares. We don’t see very many sex scenes with Dean throughout the series, but of the ones we do see, it is apparent that he is a gentle and tender man. He cares. About even a single night with a woman. (Cassie, Anna, Lydia ’The Slice Girls”) This is a contrast to Dean’s general persona of the masculine straight promiscuous lady’s man. He has all the bravado of a man who ‘loves em and leaves em’, but in reality that is not who he is. This is another example of the faces Dean wears in front of certain people (and what he thinks they expect of him), and the person he is once he lets that mask fall. 

It may be important to note as well that Anna, (it is rumored) was originally meant to be more to Dean than this simple one night stand and connection. She was intended to become a romantic interest but, as it turned out, Dean and Cas had more chemistry so the arc that Anna was meant to follow was instead given to Castiel. 

It is another year until the apocalypse comes along, Sam dies, and Dean falls back into Lisa’s lap. While Lisa is another strong-willed woman who rolls with the punches, her lifestyle deviates from Dean’s usual romantic interests simply because of her offering of a normal life outside of everything he’s usually known. A life with her is dipping his toe into a life he could have had if he didn’t hold the weight of the world on his shoulders and hunt the things that go bump in the night.

This is Dean’s last “official” relationship of the series. After putting Lisa and Ben in danger by being someone that he cares about, Dean accepts that he’s simply not a guy that can have a normal life or a normal family. He cares about people and they get hurt. This is a weight he holds on his shoulders for the remainder of the show. He loves someone, or more accurately, they love him, and they’ll get hurt. End of story. It doesn’t help that immediately following this, Castiel “dies” too. 

Maybe it’s Lisa, maybe it’s Cas. Maybe it’s a combination of the two at this point in time, but Dean is never again the same when it comes to relationships after these events at the end of season 6. He becomes more cautious, tries to keep people an arm’s length away, and we even begin to see less and less promiscuity and flirting with miscellaneous women from this point on. 

Let’s talk about Castiel.

Although Dean has had various queer-coded moments throughout the beginning of the series and up to Castiel’s entrance in season 4, his minimal relationships up to this point have all been with women. Simply exploring the evolution of this relationship from Dean’s side of the picture, Dean doesn’t start to truly warm up to Castiel until perhaps the end of season 4. He begins the season unsure of the angel, perhaps even a bit afraid of him, before the two garner a sort of mutual respect as Dean begins to see that there’s more to him than simply an agent of heaven.

They’re friends in season 5. The quirky, strange angel that doesn’t understand social cues, stands too close, stares too much, and says things like “we’re making it up as we go” and “tonight you’re my little bitch.” He’s a far cry from the ethereal entity that showed up in Bobby’s kitchen just a year ago and threatened to toss Dean back into Hell. What really turns the curve, however, is “The End.” 

5 years in the future in the midst of an apocalyptic war, Cas is still around. He’s human and he’s stuck by Dean’s side through it all, even though this Dean is just a shadow of his former self. Then again, so is this Cas. But still, they stuck together. Dean isn’t used to that. He has very few people that have stuck by him for this many years. Could probably count them all on one hand at this point. Bobby and Sam at the top of the list. Everyone else either dies or leaves. And in this future, Bobby and Sam are dead, but Cas is still there.  

Dean has abandonment issues. His mother died when he was four, his dad was in and out emotionally and physically his entire upbringing, Sam left for Stanford the first chance he got. He’s got strings of dead friends and lost relationships surely in tow for years at this point, and half the time Dean has become accustomed to pushing people away before they have a chance to push him away first. (Ie Cassie, Lisa, often even Sam too at times). Cas won’t make these issues any better during their run together, but up to this point Cas hasn’t let him down. The simple fact that in this one future universe Cas had stuck by him, I’m sure that makes a big difference to Dean and actually may be imperative for their relationship going forward and the trust that forms between them. 

Something that becomes a large part of their relationship is Cas and Dean’s ability to have conversations with just their eyes. This is a shorthand that Dean is known to have with Sam on occasion, especially during times of combat. It takes a certain amount of intimacy and knowledge of the other person to be able to have a shorthand like this. The first instance we see this between them is quite possibly “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” when Dean convinces Cas that they can save the town. We see it again in the ‘beautiful room’ when Cas slams Dean up against the wall and Dean seems to understand what’s happening. Another instance, “The Song Remains the Same.” In a way, it’s a locking of eyes that just seems to say “trust me,” and they do. 

Sam wonders if Anna may be right. If killing him and scattering the pieces will stop this whole Lucifer vessel business. Sam asks Cas, Cas looks to Dean, they share a look, and Cas shuts Sam down. In all likelihood that plan could have worked, but Cas wouldn’t do that Dean. He wouldn’t do it to Sam either but at this point he’ll do anything at all for Dean. 

If we take a moment to consider Dean and Cas’ relationship here, it is unlike any of Dean’s previous ones. Dean never has this same kind of shorthand with any of his other relationships, save for possibly Benny to a certain extent. Cas is an odd guy, and Dean frequently describes him as such, but he finds it endearing (if “Free to be You and Me” is any indication this early in their relationship). The previous women in his life all had the same thing in common, that they’re strong willed, brave, and don’t put up with Dean’s shit when he’s being a shit. Cas does fit all this criteria, but he’s also someone that Dean has a hard time reading. Cas is so literal sometimes that Dean can’t tell what’s literal, what’s deadpan, and what’s just Cas’ personality as an angel. But at the end of the day, simply put, he likes him and he trusts him. Getting Dean Winchester’s full trust as quickly as Cas gets it is an anomaly all on its own. 

Dean’s female relationships are fairly surface level. They’re easy and fairly uncomplicated. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. Girl gets mad at boy, relationship ends. Easy. Expected. His relationship with Cas isn’t easy. But the big endgame relationships seldom are. There’s blood, loss of trust, rebuilding, and there’s a pull that at the end of the day always brings them back to one another no matter how incredibly messy things get.  

And boy do things get messy. If we touch back into the end of season 6 where things end with Lisa and blow up with Cas, Dean is at an all time low in the relationship department. 

Dean takes Cas’ betrayal hard. Breakups are one thing. Leaving Lisa was expected. It was bound to happen eventually. Dean always knew that somewhere inside. He mourns leaving them, but knows it’s for the best. But with Cas’ betrayal at working with Crowley, he’s devastated all over again. 

Dean never expects his relationships to last forever, but again there’s a choice few people in his life he lets take up space on the list of those who might stick around. Bobby, Sam, Cas. I don’t think Lisa was ever on this list, as much as Dean wishes he could tell himself she and Ben were. But they weren’t. That relationship was a ticking time bomb. And when they nearly die because of his life and the creatures surrounding him every day, that’s the end of it.

Fast forward, season 7 is a time of mourning. He’s lost Lisa and Ben, he gets Cas back for all of 30 minutes before losing him all over again and never being able to repair that relationship. But he keeps the trenchcoat. Fishes it out of the lake, bundles it up, and keeps it in the back of every single car that he and Sam drive that year. 

Dean doesn’t keep mementos. Not of Cassie, not of Jo, Not of Anna, or even Lisa and Ben. No pictures, no items, just memories. You know what he does keep? He keeps his dad’s leather jacket, Bobby’s flask, pictures of he and Sam and his mom. Is keeping the trenchcoat in the back of the car for a year similar to those familial keepsakes? Maybe. But it’s also more than that. It’s covered in blood and lake water, and I’m sure Dean would explain it away that Cas was family and that’s why he kept the coat. Probably even believes that too. 

Then we have purgatory. 

Dean prays to Cas every night. He could get out of that place just on his own, but he stays there for months in full combat just to look for the angel and get him out with him.

“First we find the angel”

“Cas, we’re gettin’ out of here. We’re going home.”

“Cas, buddy, I need you.”

“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you. Understand?”

“Cas, we’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

“It’s gonna work. Nobody gets left behind.”

When we meet Benny, Dean’s only other primary male pairing of consequence, he is not trusted. This team-up is one of strategy and a mutual goal only- at least at first. Dean and Benny fight well side by side, but the trust only runs so far. That is, until during one particular fight with leviathans in which Cas nearly bites it, Benny saves the angel’s life. This is the main turning point for Dean’s entire trust in Benny from here on out. 

“Benny has never let me down.” Dean says later to Sam. And he never did. He saved Cas, got Dean out of purgatory, and then later on he gets himself sent back to purgatory just so he can help Dean’s brother get out of there. 

Dean and Benny’s relationship was “pure” in purgatory. They didn’t have to worry as much about the fact that Benny was a vampire and Dean was a hunter, they were just brothers in arms who earned one another’s trust, respect and love. There’s no way you let a man kill you and send you to purgatory to save his brother if you don’t love him. 

 Their relationship once they broke out of purgatory is where things began to sour, not because of anything either of them did to the other, but more the space they let grow. Regular Earth was different from purgatory and these men had to go back to their roles and say sayonara. “What happened in purgatory stayed in purgatory” and all that. Benny was a vampire and Dean was a hunter. That kind of thing mattered here despite the fact that they did care for one another. 

Dean and Benny’s tumultuous relationship in relation to the people in Dean’s life could be reminiscent of a queer experience in itself. A lack of acceptance from Sam, Bobby, Martin- Dean’s family. Not because of who Benny was, but what he was. Pair this with the already established fact that Amelia and Sam were a direct parallel to Dean and Benny, Season 8 has been one of the most blatantly queer-coded seasons as of yet. 

Which brings us to “Goodbye Stranger.” It is established early on this season that Dean feels that there’s something wrong with Cas, something off about him. The fact that they don’t know how he popped out of purgatory is just one part of it. It’s in the way he acts, how spacey he is, the fact that he doesn’t answer Dean’s prayers. “I always come when you call.” Cas once said. And he did. Until now.

This is another aspect of their relationship which is simply there and not spoken about much- similar to their staring and eye communication thing they do. Dean started their relationship unable to read all of Cas’ quirks very well and unsure of the guy. Now, he’s fluent in the language of Cas. He knows by tone of voice, by shiftiness, by his expressions- when something is up. Maybe he started paying more attention after the whole Rafael situation until he could read Cas like the back of his hand, or maybe he just started paying attention just to pay attention. 

He’s known something is wrong for months while Cas has been under Naomi’s control. Just the same as years later, he knows something is up when Lucifer is taking a ride in Cas’ body. And he knows in 12x15 just by the way Cas speaks on the phone that something is off with him. 

They come upon the angel tablet in the crypt, and Dean does fight back when Cas starts in on him, but he spends even more energy trying to get Cas to come back to him and fight whatever force has him under control. He never once stopped to think that this was just Cas. “This isn’t you! Fight this!” Dean would repeat over and over as Cas beats him nearly to death. 

There was a moment he certainly thought that Cas would kill him, and it seemed like he was more bothered by the fact that it was Cas that would do it more so than the thought of dying. 

Cas breaks through the mind control, heals Dean. Then he leaves. So, again, Cas leaves. He keeps doing that to Dean. I stated before that Dean’s abandonment issues come into play in this relationship, but unlike at the beginning where Dean saw a future that Cas stays in, this Cas keeps coming and going. This makes it difficult for Dean to trust him fully, to rely on him. But the fact of the matter is that he does still trust him completely, and that’s what bothers Dean. 

When Cas does come back again, collapsed and bloody in the middle of the street, Dean puts up a wall. He’s hurt and he’s tired. He doesn’t want to trust him as much as he does and he definitely doesn’t want him to keep coming and going without a thought. (What’s interesting to note here, though, is Dean’s change in character as this occurs through the years. Because while here he may simply give Cas the cold shoulder and not talk much about his hurt in this situation, we see later on in 12x19 after Dean has been fretting for days about where Cas has gone off to, and Cas finally does return, he voices his side of things. “With everything that’s going on, you can’t just go dark like that. We didn’t know what happened to you. We were worried, that’s not okay.”)

Naomi hits the nail on the head when she visits Dean after Castiel disappears and she notices Dean still hasn’t warded the boat against angels. It is moments like these that we realize just how much everyone else around these two also notice their chemistry and their deep devotion to one another, always seeming to fall back to one another. 

“I think you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.” - Balthazar S6

“The stench of that impala is all over your overcoat, angel.” - Crowley S6

“Castiel? Oh, he’s not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you.” -Uriel S4

(to Dean) “Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first.” - Meg S7

“I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love, what you fear.” - The Empty S13

“And then after a rousing speech, his true weakness is revealed. He’s in love... with humanity.” - Metatron S9

“I’m sorry, did you just say that you lost a Winchester? Because, one, that’s... interesting. And, two, how is it that you lost Dean? I thought the two of you were joined at the... you know, everything.” - Kipling S14

“And for what again? Oh, that’s right, to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you drape yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was about saving one human, right? Well, guess what? He’s dead, too.” - Metatron S9

“Don’t lose it all over one man.” - Hannah S9

“The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell he was lost!” - Hester S7

“Oh, sweet. Almost anything. Castiel? He’s dead. All the way dead. Because of you.” - Miriam S13

“And then you’d kill the angel, Castiel. Now that one, that I suspect would hurt something awful.” - Cain S10

“He should know this- Lucifer, his favorite, isn’t doing so well. Say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel.” - Amara S11

“I’m gonna cure you of your human weakness, the same way I cured my own. By cutting it out.” - Isham S12

Bonus: Dean to Sam about Garth’s baby Castiel- Dean: “This Cas keeps looking at me weird.” Sam: “So kinda like the real Cas.”

It is time and again that opposing forces recognize the relationship between Dean and Castiel, and it’s commented on and used against them frequently.

As we move forward to the angels falling and human Castiel, this season opens up with dean in the hospital with a very ill Sam. The first thing he does before contacting anyone else is pray to Castiel. There’s a moment in 9x03 where Castiel walks into a church and speaks with a woman there. He expresses his lack of faith and she says, “I guess that’s why we pray. You need something stronger than yourself.” Dean never prayed until he started praying to Cas. He prayed to Cas during the apocalypse, in purgatory, when Sam was sick during the trials, now in this hospital. Dean might not have faith in God, but he does in Cas. 

Castiel is human, and while Dean tears apart the grid trying to find him while angels are on Cas’ ass, he still watches him die, then has to kick him from the safety of the bunker the very same day. Up until this point, Cas has been a genuine part of their family regardless of their squabbles over the past months, but kicking him from the bunker damages that. Once the reasoning comes to light, however, Cas is forgiving immediately. He’d forgiven Dean even before that. That’s one thing about Cas that Dean never seems to get over either. Dean can get angry and take things out on him, kick him from the bunker, make stupid decisions and nearly kill himself, holler at him, blame him, but Cas comes back every time. He forgives him every time. It’s already overwhelming when Sam does this, but the ease at which Castiel consistently forgives Dean is a lot. 

Dean gets the Mark of Cain. It’s a means to an end, he says. When he becomes a demon as a result, this is when his relationship with Crowley is deepened. This relationship is an interesting one because it’s essentially an unrequited example. Dean likes Crowley, and when he’s a demon he has a good time, but Crowley’s feelings appear to go much deeper- even if he tries not to show it. 

 It is very possible that Dean and Crowley’s relationship is a formation more as a result of a joke than anything else- where the writers are concerned. But whether that was the intention or not, this is a relationship that continues to affect Crowley’s actions towards Dean for the rest of the series. He doesn’t let Dean kill innocents as he’s a demon, he saves Castiel from certain death as his grace drains, he gives Sam the information to find Dean so he can be cured, and he aids in getting the mark removed from Dean even as Sam attempts to kill him in the process. In return, Dean gives Crowley the benefit of the doubt more often, and they share a sort of mutual respect. What differs here, however, from Dean’s relationships with Benny or Castiel, is Dean’s actions. It is clear that Dean doesn’t feel as deeply as Crowley does, so this is an interesting relationship to compare side by side with the others. 

Not only this, but DeanxCrowley in these first few episodes can be seen as a parallel with CasxHannah. Two unreciprocated relationships which do not last long in this particular phase, but do result in a friendship within these pairings as time goes on. 

Still with the Mark of Cain, Dean and Cain have a few things in common. Cain had said that his wife, Colette, before she died had asked him to stop. Stop the killing. It’s several months after that that Dean is going off the rails and Cas, behind Dean as he’s walking away, asks Dean to stop. He nearly kills Cas then, almost fulfilling Cain’s words just weeks earlier: “And then you’ll kill the angel, Castiel. And that, I suspect, would hurt something awful.” This is a direct romantic parallel written into the show. 

When the darkness is released, Amara and Dean are immediately drawn to one another through some sort of connection as a remnant of the mark. This relationship is another interesting one, because it ties in to true desire and consent. Dean is drawn to her, yes, and she is sold as a sort of potential love interest this season, but Dean himself doesn’t want anything to do with her. He’s hypnotized when he’s around her, but as soon as he’s away this energy dissipates. 

So in light of this storyline let’s talk about consent and the sexualization of Dean Winchester for a second, shall we?

Dean is an often highly sexualized individual. He plays along more in his younger days, but the older he gets the more frustrated he becomes with the whole situation. I’m sure there are more but here are some tentative examples (This is also something that happens to Sam a decent amount as well.): 

Wendy at the psych ward in “Sam, Interrupted” kisses Dean

Pamela touching Dean’s inner thigh in “Lazarus Rising” 

Ezra in “Time After Time” kisses Dean without consent

Gets turned into a vampire because he’s “pretty”

Pamela in “Dark Side of the Moon” kisses Dean

Almost becomes a vessel for Sandy’s mate in “The Thing” because she “enjoys looking at his face”

Amara kisses Dean in “O’ Brother Where Art Thou”

Mildred gropes Dean’s leg in “Into the Mystic” and continually makes advances even tho he’s uncomfortable. 

Random girl slaps Dean’s ass in “The Last Call”

Ellie in S8 wants to sleep with Dean and even kisses him randomly

Meg kisses Dean as he’s being held against his will in “Sympathy for the Devil”

Granted, there aren’t a plethora of examples, but it’s still a lot and it is interesting to see how often Dean has been sexualized for someone else’s pleasure. It is bound to work into his characterization as well, and his sense of self-worth. He’s often described as the pretty one of the brothers, and seeing as he is the more promiscuous of the two, it is assumed that he welcomes all of or most of the attention that comes his way.

It is for this reason in particular that the situation with Amara is bothersome to me. Not only is Dean taken advantage of physically, but his mind is essentially hypnotized whenever she is near, not giving him total control over his actions or desires. Amara is in part meant to be sold as a romantic interest, but throughout the season Dean continually expresses his discontent. He’s even ashamed to admit these feelings to Sam and Cas, even though he knows it isn’t his fault he still feels responsible. (Which, if we think about it, this is could be a queer allegory too. The lack of choice, feeling shame, etc.)

What is notable, however, is the day that they attempt to capture Lucifer and speak to Cas to get him to expel Lucifer from his body. Amara makes a surprise appearance and captures Lucifer/Cas herself. Dean yells to Cas. This catches Amara’s attention and appears to confuse her, and even Lucifer, seeing as when Dean is around her he’s meant to have eyes for just her because of their “bond”. His link to Castiel appears to be stronger, however.  

Amara uses this connection between Cas and Dean when she wishes to contact Dean, simply by placing her hand over Castiel’s heart. She says to Dean, “If you should cross paths, if (god) should reach out to you, he should know this - Lucifer, his favorite, isn’t doing so well. Say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel.”

If we backtrack a moment, Dean finding out that Castiel is possessed in the first place is a very emotional time for Dean. He doesn’t want to accept that Cas would make such a decision, put himself in that kind of danger, and choose to leave once again. Sam, the arguably more rational thinker at this current time, tries to rationalize that Cas may not come back willingly since he chose to let Lucifer in. “Not possible.” Dean says. It’s simply not possible that Cas doesn’t want to come back to them. It’s not something he can accept. 

The next several episodes are begun with Dean either losing sleep trying to figure out what to do about Cas, or simply moping about. Sam has to comfort him each time. This is notable behavior as well, because Dean isn’t often one to wear his heart on his sleeve this frequently. Certainly he has his moments, but much of the time when he’s distressed he simply buries it all down and puts up a front. He doesn’t do that here. In fact, once they do begin to put together a plan with Crowley, Sam thinks they should still utilize Lucifer in the fight against Amara but thinks it’s foolish to move him into a new vessel. 

((I actually counted up the mopey Dean scenes- between finding out Cas is possessed, to getting Cas back.))

There are four convos with Sam (multiple episodes) where Sam has to comfort Dean and say something along the lines of “we’ll get him back.” (Just as an aside, I don’t think there has ever been a scene in the series where Dean comforted Sam about Cas, it’s always Sam having to comfort a freaking out Dean)

Then, of course, there’s the scene where Dean comforts a victim and she says “I watched the man I love die. There’s no normal after that.” 

There’s the “It’s not an ‘it,’ Sam. It’s Cas.” scene. 

There’s Dean trying to get through to Cas when they capture Lucifer. 

There’s the Dean yelling “Cas?” to Casifer when Amara is in the room. 

There’s two more scenes where Sam comforts Dean again. 

There’s “The Chitters” episode with the gay hunter couple. (This isn’t a direct relation, but more of an honorable mention because it seems abstractly relevant)

Amara connecting to Dean through Cas’ heart.

Dean freaking out about making it to Cas in time and again talking to Sam about it.

Dean asking “what about Cas?” as they’re planning the attack with God against Amara.

Someone has said once that you can tell that Dean is in love with Cas because Sam isn’t. It’s in moments like this that this becomes readily apparent. Yes, Sam cares about Cas, of course. But it’s just different than the way that Dean cares about Cas. When Dean cares about certain people, this love weaves into the very fabric of his being and he just feels it so completely and overwhelmingly, he can’t simply not fight for it. 

“Dean, it’s a strong vessel, it’s held Cas for years, and we know what he’s been through.” Sam says.

“It? It’s not an ‘it,’ Sam. It’s Cas.”

Dean appears almost shocked that these words would pass through Sam’s mouth. He’s confused that Sam wouldn’t fight for Cas just as much as Dean would. The type of love they each have for the angel is just different. Visually, action-wise, reaction-wise. This conversation in “Hell’s Angel” highlights that. 

You know what else highlights it? The fact that when they do trap Lucifer, it’s only Dean who gets through to Cas and talks to him to get him to come back and expel Lucifer. It’s Cas only seeking Dean’s forgiveness in S7 when putting the souls back in Purgatory. It’s Dean in S6 being the only one to defend Cas in “The Man Who Would Be King.” It’s Dean later in that same episode being the one to get through to Cas in the circle of holy fire. It’s “I did it, all of it, for you.” It’s Dean carrying around that trenchcoat for a year and mourning when Sam doesn’t. It’s Bobby checking in on Dean mourning Cas, but doesn’t check in with Sam about it. It’s Sam pulling Dean out of the apocalypse world in season 12 as Dean screams for Cas and physically fights against Sam to get to Cas. It’s Sam seeing Cas dead on the ground minutes later, but still able to walk away while Dean is frozen in place, frozen in shock. It’s Dean being the only one to wrap up Cas’ dead body. It’s Sam always having to reassure Dean that Cas is probably fine, whenever he goes missing for a little while. It’s Dean hardly able to function in S13 with this encompassing grief over Cas’ death and yelling “It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t.” It’s S15 when Rowena tells Dean and Cas to fix their quarrel before it’s too late, and later Dean in purgatory not sure of it is too late as he’s praying for Cas to be okay and crying against a tree. 

Sam’s reactions are important to take into account. Sam cares, yes, but Cas isn’t as wholly encompassing in his life as he is in Dean’s. If anything else is to prove that, it’s the way that Dean grieves (I mean, if you were to put Sam in Dean’s place in 15x09 in Purgatory and their fight, there’s no way that Sam would react this extremely). 

There are three different points to highlight Dean’s grief. The first is season 7 with the trenchcoat, which we’ve already talked about. The second is when Cas is possessed by Lucifer, which we have covered as well. The most damning, however, is Dean’s season 13 grief arc following Cas’ death. Dean also loses his mother during this time and a few other friends, but considering how he reacts when Cas comes back, a great amount of this grief has to do with Cas. Dean completely loses hope and faith in anything at all during this time. He hates Jack for giving Cas false hope and getting him killed. He doesn’t believe in their mission anymore. He doesn’t believe anything matters at all. “Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.” Dean admits to Sam. When Cas comes back from the dead, however, he pulls a complete 180. He has hope again. He has faith. And all of it begins with Cas.

Lastly, Dean never hooks up with anyone again after Castiel’s final resurrection. We can go through an outline of the steady decline of Dean’s hookups and relations outside of Cas as the decade goes, but during this three year window specifically, Dean’s only pairing is Cas. Sure, he might flirt with someone every now and again, but this never goes anywhere. (Arguably the person he flirts with the most in any episode in these final three seasons is Daphne, but idk if that even counts much considering she is a cartoon.)  And as Pamela says once in Rocky’s bar: “Besides, you don’t want me. You just like to flirt. I’m psychic so I kinda know.” And that was just in Dean’s head anyways so it’s probably even more true than had Pamela actually said it herself. 

When Jack comes in the picture in season 13, and Castiel comes back from the dead, this makeshift little family is formed. All three men act as father figures to this half-angel kid at different capacities, and amongst this dynamic another is formed a bit further between Dean and Cas. They’ve already been acting a bit as an old married couple in recent years (Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets, anyone?) but this co-parenting scenario they’ve found themselves in has solidified this dynamic all the more as they collaborate on the issues that arise with Jack. In “Lebanon” when John Winchester comes back for a brief period, John even says to Dean that he’d hoped he would get a family someday and get out of hunting and such. Dean replies, “I have a family.” Sam, Cas, and Jack are his family. Cas has been family for a long time, but here and now Dean just isn’t looking for anything else or anything normal. He’s happy with himself and the people he’s surrounded by. He’s not looking for anything else or anyone else. 

For a change of perspective, let’s check out Castiel’s relationships over the years.

Unlike Dean, Castiel’s queerness and interest in Dean has been officially canonized. We can speculate all we want on the legitimacy of Dean’s love for Cas, but we can speak in certainties about Castiel. Castiel is in love with Dean Winchester. Speculation can come in when we consider, just how long has this love existed for him? Let’s start from the beginning.

Right off the bat when we meet Castiel, he’s a semi-emotionless soldier of heaven who works under strict orders and doesn’t have much free-will. Dean begins to change this. We can see even in their first couple encounters that Castiel is interested in Dean- in what he has to say, intrigue in the fact that Dean talks back to the angels (despite that these angels are unkillable beings and could smite him on the spot), the fact that he’s snarky and brave and questions everything. Where Uriel finds Dean annoying and blasphemous, Castiel finds the back-talk fascinating. Dean’s words impact Cas, and it’s not long before he starts to have doubts about Heaven. Following these orders blindly and unquestioningly starts to seem foolish when Dean puts things in a different perspective. 

Even after Cas undergoes what some have funnily dubbed “conversion therapy” in “The Rapture” (when Cas had finally decided on going against Heaven and to help Dean stop the apocalypse) it’s still not enough to stop him completely. A bit more time with Dean and he’s convinced yet again to help this one human man stop the apocalypse with his brother. He even dies for him and this new mission of his. 

Castiel throughout this first season is interesting because we see firsthand his struggle to understand beginning to feel emotions and accept thinking for himself. “For the first time, I feel...” He says to Anna. He wants her to tell him what to do. He wants orders because that’s all he knows, and he doesn’t understand why suddenly he cares. It hurts him to send Dean in to torture Alastair. It hurts him even later when in the beautiful room Dean dismisses him with a “What do you care, you’re already dead. We’re done.” 

It’s possible that in these first several months, or even these first couple seasons, that Castiel follows Dean around and does as he asks because he’s allotted Dean as the new being he serves. Because serving is what he knows. But it’s also through this that he begins caring more and more. He learns more how to express certain emotions, he learns more about humanity, he learns more about what is important in life and what is worth fighting for. As Cas will admit himself 12 years later, “Ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you.”

We start to see sprinkles of this especially throughout season 5 as Cas begins to come to terms with caring and adopting Dean’s mindset to care. Consider Sam for a moment. He and Cas don’t necessarily get along a lot and mostly just tolerate one another in these early days. However, as we see in “Abandon All Hope” when Castiel is captured by Lucifer, Cas gets visually upset at the concept of Lucifer taking Sam as his vessel. “You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won’t let you.” 

Sam and Cas don’t have much of a relationship at this point, but Cas cares because Dean does. In “The Song Remains the Same” not long later, he even refers to Sam as his friend.

By the time S6 rolls around Castiel is in the midst of a civil war in heaven entirely because he has adopted the Winchester’s all encompassing mindset on the importance of free-will. Castiel is making his own choices, and he does everything he can to protect the Winchesters from harm as he does so. He decides not to seek out Dean’s help while he’s raking leaves because Dean had already sacrificed too much in Castiel’s eyes. He raises Sam from perdition because he feels it the right thing to do. He re-sinks the Titanic to keep the boys from being killed by Fate. 

Personally, I think Castiel has been slowly falling in love with Dean this entire time, he’s just not aware what this feeling is. But this becomes even more plausible to me when we get Castiel’s perspective in “The Man Who Would Be King.” Cas cares what Bobby and Sam think of him, sure, but all he focuses on is Dean. Dean’s happiness and ensuring he not sacrifice more. Dean’s loyalty even as Cas seems to be guilty. Dean’s words when they capture Cas in holy fire. 

The problem is, their relationship this season is also rocky. Cas seems to think that he’s merely a tool at the Winchester’s disposal and not much else. But he doesn’t mind because he cares about them so much, so what do his feelings matter? He sees himself as their protector. Their guardian angel. A role he’s fine with filling regardless of how they feel in return. 

But when things get bad, Dean says to him “Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family. You are like a brother to me. So if I’m asking you not to do something... You’ve gotta trust me, man.” and Cas seems genuinely surprised at this admission. Emotional, even. 

As time goes on, Castiel’s actions nearly primarily revolve around Dean

After Cas realizes his error and is sending the purgatory souls back to their place, he tells Dean repeatedly that he’ll find some way to redeem himself to him. That’s the most important thing to him then. 

When Cas smites the demons outside of the mental hospital in 7x17, all of his flashes of memories coming back were memories of Dean. 

Partially to aid Sam and partially to redeem himself to Dean, Cas takes on Sam’s Hell brain in the asylum and goes crazy.

Cas runs in purgatory to keep the leviathans away from Dean. 

Cas breaks out of Naomi’s mind control/brainwashing because of his feelings for Dean.

Let’s talk about that final bullet point for a moment. The Naomi chapter is damning in “Goodbye Stranger.” It isn’t copies of both Sam and Dean that Naomi trains Castiel to kill hundreds upon hundreds of times. No, it’s ONLY clones of Dean. 

“What broke the connection?” Dean will ask after Castiel heals him in the crypt and takes control back over his mind. “I don’t know.” Cas will say. It wasn’t the angel tablet. That may have unwound the last of Naomi’s control over him, yes, but he’d dropped that angel blade before that. It was Dean that broke that connection. Even if this remains unsaid, it doesn’t make it any less true. Maybe Castiel starts to have an understanding of what his feelings are and what they mean here, but he won’t be truly sure until he soon becomes human. 

Before we get there, though, we’ll take a brief pause to explore Cas’ heterosexual explorations and connections. 

First is Meg. Cas’ relationship with Meg is born of sexual exploration more than anything else at its conception. He’d just been watching porn in his downtime and when Meg kisses him, he goes with it enthusiastically. Later, he seems to have a certain infatuation with her in his “crazy” state, and seems to trust her perhaps simply because she had been watching over him in the institution. 

This is interesting because in his “crazy” state, Cas is a lot more raw and unfiltered and optimistic than he ever has been before. He compliments her, is concerned with her safety, and trusts her. On the contrary, with Dean, Cas is a lot more hesitant and even fearful when talking about certain subjects with him because of his past failings. He tries to keep the peace without directly getting involved because his direct involvement in the past had failed them all so spectacularly. 

He and Meg continue to have a sort of connection whenever they cross paths until her demise the next season, and he still holds a respect for her years later, continuing to use her nickname for him “Clarence” as an alias at various times. 

When Castiel becomes human in S9, he’s a bit lost and overwhelmed. April takes him in for the night. Although this is a short-lived romance considering she tortures and kills him the next day, for a brief enough time Cas starts to become acquainted with human romance and sexual desire. He loses his virginity to her. It is estimated by some that this is merely sexual experimentation on the part of a very confused newly human Cas, and others have used this to say that Cas is not gay but pan or bi. The conclusion in any regard, in my opinion, is purely up to the viewer. 

If I’m to offer my opinion, however, seeing as he has shown interest in both sexes, though remains unlabeled, I consider him simply an unlabeled queer person. Sexual identity and orientation has never seemed to matter much to Castiel, so I don’t see why it should matter to me. He loves who he loves, simple as that. 

When we get to Hannah, she provides an interesting foil to Castiel for a time, and an emphasizing expression on just how much he’s changed since his introduction to Earth and the Winchesters. Where Castiel has been open to a plethora of new emotions and experiences through the years which have made him a bit more human than angel at times, Hannah is still new to humanity and the range and movement of emotions that come with it. Just how little she seems to understand proves how much Castiel has grown and does understand by comparison. 

As such, he seems to pick up on the fact that Hannah has an attachment to him that appears to be forming into a romantic or sexual interest. He gently turns her down multiple times, not expressing interest in her behavior although he does respect her greatly as a person. Though this relationship isn’t considered romantic from Castiel’s perspective, its unrequited nature again is a good parallel to Dean and Crowley’s relationship at this same time. Angel x Angel and Demon x Demon. Both one sided.

Now, let’s get back to Dean. 

Up to the point that Castiel turns human, for however brief a time, he finally gets a look behind the curtain of human emotion. Now, we all know that Cas is in love with Dean already here- and probably has been for some time. Years, even- but it’s my personal belief that during this time turning human is when he actually realizes it and understands where these emotions come from.

Maybe it’s the heartbreak of Dean kicking him from the bunker, maybe it’s seeing Dean again when he shows up in line at the Gas n Sip, or maybe it’s somewhere in between when he sees two people on the street looking at each other and realizes “oh, that’s love. I know what that is. I felt that, too.” And every moment from then on he realizes what that feeling was in his chest when he looked at Dean for a little too long, or why it hurt so much to see the pain in Dean’s eyes at something Cas had done, or why hearing Dean’s prayers to him just felt different than they did with Sam’s. Why everything that he’d done since he rebelled from heaven was in the name of doing the right thing, muddled alongside doing the right thing for Dean. Caring because of Dean. Caring for Dean.

It’s during this time when he realizes what these feelings are, that he also must come to terms with the fact that they’re unreciprocated (or as he believes, anyway). This is for two reasons. The first, he still believes at this time that Dean kicked him from the bunker just because. And the second, if there’s anything that Cas took to heart from Dean’s example as strongly as the concept of free-will, it’s self-loathing. He doesn’t see himself worthy of love. Dean doesn’t see himself worthy of love either. They’re both messy piles of self-loathing that breeds into a blindness to the depth of care they hold for one another.   

Now that we’re on the topic of self-loathing, this leads into Castiel and his decision to become Lucifer’s vessel in season 11. Much like Dean, Cas has a consistent issue with seeing his own personal self-worth, so when the opportunity comes along to “be of service to the fight” and become Lucifer’s vessel, he takes it on easily. He considers himself expendable, and he won’t see just how much Dean struggles with this fact while he’s possessed. In fact, Cas never knows just how much Dean struggles with his absence at all, which is just one of the many divides between the two of them that could easily be resolved with communication, if either were ever good at that. 

Once Lucifer is shoved from Cas’ body, however, Dean makes a point to let Cas know just how important he is in his life. He’s said Cas was family before, but that was before the falling out at the end of season 6. Dean makes it clear that he and Sam both consider Cas family, once again, during a ride in Baby. “You’re our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.” 

Now, here, simultaneous heartbreak and love occur. Because while Cas is likely very much in love with Dean here, and very much aware of it, to hear that Dean simply thinks of him as a brother must ache a bit. However, we’re also talking about Dean Winchester, and for him to call someone a brother is an immense depth of love, probably the most the man is even capable of. Dean never says the words “I love you” to anyone, so this is about the closest anyone could get. Cas knows this, he’s well-versed in the ways of Dean Winchester by now. So, while it aches, his heart is also full. 

Comparable to:

“We need you, Cas. I need you.” 8x17

“We’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.” 8x05

“Don’t make me lose you, too.” 7x23

“Don’t do anything stupid” 

The entire purgatory confession/apology prayer in 15x09

Cas returns this love just hours later, offering to go with Dean to die taking out Amara.

If we jump forward to the divorce arc of season 14-15, we can hit upon the next great heartbreak of Castiel’s sad little love life. While the Winchester brothers, Castiel, and Jack have all become a family unit, Castiel never wants to lose that. But two things happen. First, Cas’ deal with The Empty is made, and somewhere along the line, silently, he becomes aware that allowing himself to be happy, and that happiness, somehow involves Dean. The second thing that happens is Jack kills Mary Winchester, and Dean says Castiel is dead to him. 

So, The Empty won’t take him, but his family is broken apart. Castiel never gives up on a single family member, though. That’s the thing about Cas. The same way he consistently forgives Dean for all his behaviors over the years, he never loses faith in anyone in this family. And when they come to reunite, he’s happy simply in appreciating any and all time they have together, however brief.

Then, in true Castiel fashion, he sacrifices himself for Dean Winchester in 15x18. 

Their relationship has always left things unsaid, but I don’t think there’s ever been a question on whether Dean loves Cas or Cas loves Dean even if they don’t talk about it. You can’t look at Cas and Dean’s faces seeing each other again for the first time in weeks at the end of “The Last Call” and say that there wasn’t love and heartbreak there. On some level I think that Cas knew that Dean loved him back, but Dean was so buried in trauma at that point that it might take him years more to realize what he actually felt and what he needed. But Cas is such a selfless lover that he was absolutely 100% fine with just being around Dean for the rest of his life, even if he never got a chance to tell him how much he genuinely cared for him, and never got that reciprocation back. Castiel’s love for Dean is so pure and selfless it’s overwhelming to even consider, but for someone like Dean it would be a hundred times harder to accept or even fathom someone caring about him as much as Cas does. 

So Castiel never pushes Dean further, never suggests, barely even touches him. The only liberties Cas takes are small touches to heal him (even though he doesn’t need to touch a person to heal them), a few small hugs through the years, just sharing comfortable space inside the impala, small moments watching Dean’s favorite movies with him, or sharing a moment over beers in the kitchen. And Cas’ happiness was in telling Dean how much he loved him likely because then maybe Dean would actually see how much he was worth. Cas wanted Dean to know how much he loved him and how he viewed him, because Dean deserved to love himself and was worthy of it. 

The five types of love languages are as follows:

Words of affirmation

Physical touch

Gift giving

Acts of Service

Quality Time

One of the reasons Dean and Cas miss the mark with one another so often could simply come down to love languages. A lot of the time, what a person needs in love language is often what they also give. I don’t think this is the case where these two are concerned, though. They’re both so sacrificial that it’s difficult for them to accept this in return, even though this is what they each offer to the other and anyone else around them. 

Both Cas and Dean’s giving love language is “acts of service” which translates into sacrificial actions much of the time, though it can also be more domestic than that as well. It’s Dean grabbing an extra beer for Cas or making food, or it’s Cas healing Dean without any prompting, Cas loading up on pie and beer at the Gas n Sip when Dean’s mad at him. 

What they each need, however, is different. Dean needs “quality time.” He needs his people close, he needs them to answer calls, and he needs to know where they are. This clearly ties in to his abandonment issues, and it hurts his relationship with Cas significantly when the angel just keeps leaving, or disappears without answering his phone for days at a time. And when he dies, obviously. He always comes back, though. And half the time when he’s gone it’s because he’s trying to get a win for Dean against whatever issue the team is facing at the time. 

What Cas needs, best I can tell, is “words of affirmation.” Cas has a consistent problem with thinking that he’s worth less than he is, and is less important to the people around him than he is. Dean obviously has this issue, too, but with Cas it’s somehow infinitely worse, if that’s even possible. Frequently, what he needs to get him going in low points is a few words from Dean or encouragement in general. To name a few:

“Maybe to fix it.” 7x17

“I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” 7x23, Cas then goes with Dean to find and kill Dick Roman

“I’m not leaving here without you.” S8 in purgatory when Cas wanted Dean to leave him behind but Dean was having none of it.

“You’re our brother, Cas.” 11x23, after Cas was possessed by Lucifer and thought he was expendable. 

Over time, Dean does get a bit more vocal with Cas about issues he’s having or just with encouraging words as well. Cas, too, sticks around a lot more. They’re not perfect but they do begin to grow and work with one another in these later years to give one another what they need most to see how much the other is loved. 

In conclusion, there is a significant amount of romance and sexuality written into this show, and simply interpreted as well. And that’s the thing, when a queer person says that they interpreted a certain piece of media as queer, it’s not up to someone else to say that they can’t, or shouldn’t, or that they’re interpreting something wrong. That’s the thing about media, it can have so many different interpretations and meanings to so many different people. 

It’s my personal interpretation to see the queerness embedded in the text here. Maybe it’s not there for another person, and that’s cool too, just don’t tell me how I should see it. The fact is that it was written into the show to be interpreted, and interpret is what we did. 

I’d love to hear any feedback that others may have regarding this. Any other theories, different interpretations, things I may have missed. I hope you enjoy the edits, and the endings I put together for them. We all need a little bit of happiness after that ending, so I hope it leaves you with a lighter heart. :)

Much love,

Taylor

[horrormaestro-aaaaaa]

picture  it ––––––  july  23rd ,  2019.  jackie  torrance  has  just  been  conceptualized.  i  have  no  idea  just  how  impactful  she  will  become.

wooow ,  two  years.  it’s  been  a  ride ,  i’m  not  going  to  lie.  i’ve  had  ups  and  downs ,  friendships  lost  and  friendships  gained.  but  through  it  all ,  i’ve  never  given  up  on  my  brainchild.  she’s  grown  and  evolved  from  a  simple ,   “ what  if  i  made  a  stephen  king  oc? ” ,   to  her  whole  entire  entity  with  a  universe  of  her  own.  it’s  truly  become  the  phrase ,   it’s  x’s  world  and  we’re  all  just  living  in  it.      this  one  thousand  precent  has  become   jackie’s  world.   and  i  am  so  glad  to  be  living  in  it.  jackie  has  become  such  a  huge  fixture  in  my  writing  life  that  after  being  told  time  and  time  again  if  her  story  was  a  book ,  so – and – so  would  read  it ,  i’ve  started  to  conceptualize  an  adaptation  that  can  be   published   one  day  without  being  sued  by  mr.  king.  lmao.

honestly ,  i  would’ve  never  imagined  being   here  with  her  and  having  such  a  positive  feedback  consensus.  so ,  there’s  a  few  people  who  have  been  around  from  the  start  or  has  just  given  so  much  to  myself  and  jackie  that  i  can’t  see  her  being  where  she  is  without  you.  and  i’d  like  to  take  this  moment  to   acknowledge   those  people.

note  :   this  is  going  to  get  long ,  so  i  need  to  put  this  under  the  cut.  i  also  need  to  say  this  isn’t  a  bias  list  or  meant  to  make  anyone  feel  badly.  these  people  have  just  been  absolutely  crucial  to  her  creative  process  and  i  feel  they  deserve  that  acknowledgement  and  thanks.

𝒄𝒂𝒔   ‘ aka ’   @crimefightr  +  @scarfwere      ––––––      before  jackie  was  even  on  a  blog ,  cas  was  here  to  love  her.  we  started  writing  with  her  and  isaac  on  wire  and  telegram.  isaac  was  totally  her  first  ship.  when  i  set  out  to  have  a  female  muse  who   doesn’t   like  any  sort  of  romance  past  sex  that  doesn’t  require  romantic  or  emotional  attachment ,  i  am   so   glad  i  had  you  to  help  me  explore  that  for  her.  you’ve  also  been  just  an  amazing  friend  who  has  been  there  for  me  more  years  than  i  can  recall.  so   thank  you.

𝒑𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒖   ‘ aka ’   @einherjcr  +  @rockedspace      ––––––      i  actually   met  you   because  of  jackie.  we  talked  about  this  not  long  ago  and  i  am  so  grateful.  you  improved  my  confidence  in  her  as  a  character ,  her  background  and  lore.  which  means  so  much  to  me  considering  your  own  creative  vision  with  the  kingfisher  lore  and  the  fact  you  have  three ,  now   four   whole  as  characters  stemming  from  one  vision.   so  to  be  complimented  from  you  was  absolutely  everything.  and  now  you’ve  helped  me  develop  an  alternative  timeline  where  she’s  a  single  mom ,  which  realistically  could’ve  happened  but  i   don’t  know   if  i  would’ve  thought  of  it  and  gone  through  with  it  without  your  interest  and  the  concept  of  my  it  verse  with  yourself  and  ash.  as  a  friend  you’ve  been  more  than  i  could  ever  ask  for.  your  selflessness  is  sometimes  a  downfall ,  but  i  try  to  be  there  for  you  although  i   know   i  am  never  there  as  much  as  you  are  for  me.  you  are  so  fucking  generous  and  caring  and  kind.  my  world  would  be   lost   without  you.  so  for  existing  and  allowing  me  to  be  a  part  of  your  life  past  a  fellow  writer?  jesus  fuck ,  just   thank  you.

𝒂𝒔𝒉   ‘ aka ’   @blondemattel  +  @unbelong​      ––––––      so ,  you’ve  become  an  absolute  joy  in  my  life  that  i  never  knew  i  needed.  but  now  that  i’ve  got  you ,  tough  shit  and  good  luck  getting  away.  a   huge  part   of  my  current  and  future  arcs  happened  because  of  you ,  whether  you  think  about  it  and  realize  it  or  not.  when  we  talked  about  andy  and  how  jackie  could  have  an  it  verse ,  she  also  adopted  danny  and  pantu’s  eddie.  which  then  stemmed  the  want  for  a  part  two  section  of  her  life.  she  had  a  child ,  she  wrote  all  these  books ,  she  went  through  hell  losing  danny  and  andy  both.  the  single  mom  then  translated  over  partly  to  her  alternate  timeline.  all  the  books  she  wrote  and  things  she  experienced  +  having  to  eliminate  the  sydney  equation  translated  into  arcs  six ,  seven ,  eight  and  beyond.  i  may  not  have  ever  told  you ,  but  you  have   punched  yourself   permanently  into  who  she  is  and  will  be.  and  that  is   everything   to  me.  just  as  much  as  you’ve  been  integrated  into  jackie’s  lore ,  you’ve  been  fit  into  the  jigsaw  puzzle   ( smirk_emoji  @  the  reference )   of  my  life.  i  adore  you ,  you’re  one  of  my  best  friends.   thank  you   for  always  staying  true  and  staying  you.

lastly ,  someone  more   new   to  jackie’s  story ,  yet   so  fucking  important.

𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒂   ‘ aka ’   @shinedied  +  @arbitaer      ––––––      so ,  this  all  started  from  a  multi  where  jackie  nor  any  sk  muse  existed.  you  let  me  slide  into  your  dms  and  gush  over  our  mutual  love  of  the  torrance  family.  i’ve  always  felt  weird  approaching  torrance  muses  with  jackie  until  i  know  the  mun  because  she   is   such  a  canon  affiliated  muse.  not  everyone  is  comfortable  about  familial  original  characters  to  their  canon  muses.  but  you  gave  me  a  chance ,  you  looked  at  her  blog ,  and  at  a  time  where  i  really  needed  someone ,  you  didn’t  even  know  it  but  your  interest  and  willingness  to  write  with  her   gave  me  hope   that  continuing  with  jackie  after  losing  someone  i  cared  for ,  was  the  right  decision.  you  and  i  don’t  write  ic  nearly  enough ,  but  the  massive  amount  of  talking  ooc  we’ve  done  about  daniel  and  his  cousin  have  warmed  my  heart  so  damn  much.  you’ve  helped  me  develop  her  relationship  with  dan  so  much  more  than  i  originally  had.  fuck ,  you  even  made  me  know  just  how  much  he  has  her  back  by  having  him  want  to  go  to  ‘salem’s  lot  with  her  to  kill  syd.  you’ve  allowed  me  to  just  know  and  explore  the  climax  of  her  story —   finding  her  family ,  getting  sober ,  and  getting  back  to  living.  that’s  just  so  important  to  me.  you  have  no  idea.

but  writing  aside ,  you’ve  been  so  sweet.  you’re  someone  who  i  trust ,  someone  i  know  i  can  confide  in  without  judgement.  we’ve  recently  spoke  about  this  as  well.  but  i  just  think  it’s  just  mind – boggling  how  i’d  never  reached  out  to  you  before  you  followed  that  multi.  because  you’re  such  an  awesome  person.  you  care  so  much  about  the  people  you  let  in ,  you’ve  lifted  me  up  and  supported  me  when  others  didn’t.  you’ve  never  judged  me  for  things  irl  that  people  i  thought  were  ‘ friends ’  were  all  too  eager  to  slam  me  for.  you’ve  just   been  there   for  me  and  that’s  all  i  could  ever  ask  for  in  a  friend.  you   truly   are  the  dan  to  my  jackie.  i  just  hope  we’re  a  little  less  fucked  up  than  them.  ; )

[stainedglasscas]

I'm sure this has been said but i believe a huge component of why destiel became such a huge Thing is the spn team's inability to write women or healthy/compelling het relationships. like take lisa for example: shes supposed to be deans Big love interest, who he dreams of being with, and yet she is given absolutely no personality beyond just being nice and pretty. Theres also absolutely no natural lead up to their relationship....they have a fling and then dean shows up like a decade later to kill a monster and then leave again until he comes back a couple years later after stopping the apocalypse and then all of a sudden they are just in love and living together for a year?? That just doesnt make sense that's not how relationships go. I like lisa and I do think lisa and Dean's relationship is sweet but I also find it so unbelievable

And then theres all the times he tries (and usually fails) to pick up women in bars, going so overboard with the vaguely misogynistic ladies man routine that it just comes off as performative, especially since we rarely see him having any personal connection with these women besides him thinking their hot, and sleeping with hit women is what dean thinks a Cool American Man is supposed to do.

And then all that is contrasted by his relationship with cas. Cas, who is a compelling and complex character in his own right, who cares about dean because they have a connection, they have things in common, they make each other feel. We see dean and cas's relationship develop over years, and despite forces both within the narrative and the meta narrative stacked against them, they choose each other, they save each other, over and over again. And dean and cas have fun together! They have jokes! They hang out! It's a genuinely compelling relationship that people can become invested in a root for, unlike Dean's relationships with female love interests, which ultimately fall short imo due to supernatural's refusal to write women with personalities

So I guess basically what I'm saying is, i almost find it funny that in the powers that be's efforts to sideline and disservice every character who wasnt a straight (or at least intended to be straight) white dude they accidentally shoved two of their characters into a beautiful gay love story completely by accident.

[casmoments]

Marriage of Convenience; part 5

Prompt: “Arranged Marriage” + Imagine Castiel fucking you with the handle of his Angel blade. + “the reader is helping Sam and Dean over the phone with research on their current case, and all the while Cas is kissing and touching and licking and sucking and fucking” Reader Gender: female Word Count: 7000 (lots of smut tho) Warnings: a bit of dom!cas in the middle section, very light bondage, technically no sexual escapades in front of anyone but sam gets an unwitting earful

part one ; part two ; part three ; part four

-

It seemed Castiel’s contradicting personalities bled over to the bedroom.   You weren’t sure which side you liked more, the one that manhandled you and fucked you up against a door, or the one that laid you down and made slow love to every inch of your person.   You were pleased with each facet, each unique side, and one common thing spurred you for sure—that damned voice.   He could recite the freaking phone book into your ear while running his hand down your body and you would still melt in his arms.

“Cas,” you murmured, the hot spray of the shower falling over you.   Your back was against him, his hands slipping over every wet, warm curve.   His already interested cock was hard and upright against your backside, his hips gently rocking against yours, dick sliding between the cleft of your ass.   You bent forward a bit, gasping as the water helped mould your bodies together.   He continued to slowly rub you against him, his hand encircling your throat as he had learned you liked.   He pulled you upright again, leaning you against him, the gentle rock of his hips never ceasing.  

“Y/N,” that gorgeous voice replied, rumbling low at your ear.   You turned your head, catching his mouth in a kiss that ended when you recalled your first thought.

“Talk to me,” you said gently, lifting a hand to the side of his face, stroking your fingers down his jaw as you faced forward again.   His hand found yours, lowering it to your side before he slid his hands over your hips.

“Talk to you,” he repeated, like he was puzzling out the phrase.  You bit your lip and nodded, sighing as he pooled some water in his hand and let it pour down your breast.   His hand followed, thumb circling your nipple, his other hand rubbing back and forth over your hip.  He still gently moved against you from behind, actions careful and slow.  

“Yeah,” you repeated, breathing out, “talk.”  

You had pulled back your hair before climbing into the shower, so his mouth easily settled at your nape in a warm kiss.  

“Talk to you,” he repeated again, fingers stroking your breast.   “About my thoughts for you,” he confirmed, moving his hand across your chest, palming a breast while he pressed his forehead to the back of your head, gaze seemingly focussed downward.   “About… desire,” he continued, kissing the back of your neck again, gently squeezing your breast.   You hummed with a curt nod, tipping your head as he began to lay kisses down your neck.  “I confess… I was never partial to… hedonistic tendencies…  For most of my existence, it baffled, then intrigued, then…”   He opened his mouth against your shoulder, nipping a small spot and swiping it with his tongue.   “Then you invited yourself into my comfortable reservations… picking them apart one by one…”

Castiel had not necessarily been cold to you prior to this marriage, but he was definitely a mystery.   You only interacted on necessity, pleasantries exchanged given you could stop blushing long enough to utter them, but that was all.   And those simple niceties were the good days.   Most days, he didn’t seem swayed by your presence whatsoever.   It wasn’t rude or cold, like you said, but you would never have guessed that he ever bore a similar infatuation to your own.    You found yourself replaying old memories and wondering how they could have gone if you had only been a little more bold… if he had been a little more forward…

“I did?” was your simple reply, carrying the weight of those all curiosities.   He slid both hands around your waist, drawing one back to curve it over your rear and squeeze, sending another jolt of heat between your legs.

“You did.”  That growl would completely undo your sanity one of these days.    You just stood there panting, the water running over both your bodies, his hard cock at your backside and his hand still on your ass, lightly squeezing the flesh again.   “You were on your knees when we met.   Your injuries were grave and so I healed you.”   You did remember that, the stranger who had single-handedly slain a room of nightmares suddenly dropping onto his knees in front of you, taking your head in his hands and staring at you intensely.   A flood of warmth had moved through you, healing every little scrape and bruise—and fuck, you never really stood a chance against the likes of Castiel, did you?   “You moved against me and moaned into my hand.  The sound stood out in my memory of that night.”   You blushed all over again in recollection; the very moan he recalled so fondly had been a source of embarrassment for a good while.

“You told me that was your own fantasy,” he continued, the hand on your ass sliding low, moving between your legs.   “I wonder if, after aiding you, I had done as you desired and presented myself to you, would you have refused or…”   You spread your legs a little, making room for him as he handled himself and slid his cock between your thighs.   He did not press into you but rubbed back and forth, teasing your outer lips in a way that left you keening, panting.   “Or would you have done this for me?” he asked, hand lowering to your sex and beginning to softly circle your clit.   “Would you have let me take you so soon, Y/N?”     He rocked his hips but did not even press at your entrance.    You all but flattened yourself against him, clenching your thighs to squeeze him between your legs.

“Castiel, please,” you murmured.

“Hmm,” his thoughtful sound was a little dry, a little amused, his hand swirling faster over that sensitive nub, “it seems you would.”    You made a little sound as he thrust between your thighs, leaving you achingly empty even while those fingers drove you mad.   “I should have,” he said, growly tone returned, “I almost feared your interest fell to Sam and Dean.   So many times I should have made my own thoughts known.   You deserved better—better than me, I thought, but I continued to wonder… what you would sound like, what you might look like beneath me.  It was… alarming… how easily you shattered my resolve.   Without any effort.”  

“Castiel—”  You could feel your muscles tightening, heat winding low in your body, threatening to spill over.  

“I could not be around you long.  You were so open and innocently kind to me, dressed in your sleep clothes and smiling at me…”  He groaned himself, burying his face in your updone hair, lips against the side of your neck.   “Distractions were plentiful… seeing you on your knees, watching when you bent over, knowing then what you would look like bending for me…”

“Cas, Cas,” his name turned to a whimper, your head slamming against his shoulder as you felt your orgasm ripple through you.    

“You moved me to self-pleasure,” Castiel said, his hand easing you from your height, running over your stomach.   “Those hedonistic traps I evaded as an angel suddenly opened.”   He kissed your ear, licked behind it, lips at your earlobe.   “You have not seen debauchery, wife, until you see broken corruption such as that.”

“Hmm, only fair,” you panted, smiling brightly, “you were the one to corrupt me, in the end.”

“Yes,” he grunted, hands skimming your sides.  “And I will make recompense by pleasing you every moment I can.”

He grabbed your hands, pressed them to the wall in front of you.  He ran his hands down your arms, gripping your hips as he finally, finally moved inside of you—only now everything was so much more alert and sensitive.   You moaned, swivelling your hips a bit, fingers curling against the wall as he filled you.  

“Every moment, huh?” you asked, gasping with each thrust.   His hand tangled in your hair, holding you, his other hand gripping your hip.  

“Yes,” he grunted, “until you forget every reality but your husband inside you.”

“That,” you moaned, meeting his thrusts evenly, “is something I look forward to.”

It went without saying that by the time you were done in the shower, you probably needed another one.  

-

Things blossomed quite wonderfully between you and Castiel.   You were able to spend quite a lot of time together, some of it in the bedroom, some of it outside.  That was not to say you started getting you freak on anywhere—rather that a developing sexual relationship carried over.   Friendship strengthened and you reached new emotional depths, exploring the physical as well as more.    

You adored spending time with him, cherishing those moments more when they were far from grasp, gaping days he spent away on heavenly duty.   In those periods, you spent time with the Winchesters, sometimes venturing into the city where you made a couple casual acquaintances, and sometimes you were more than happy to just be out and about by yourself.   When Castiel returned, stories would be shared, and you’d inevitably tumble into his arms for another memorable night.

But… sometimes he was gone a very long time and, while you were a happy individual, it was only natural to miss him a ridiculous lot.  

And the worst was when he was here but seriously occupied.   There was always some catastrophe unfurling in this manic little pocket of the world, and it often fell on your friends to see them settled.   It wasn’t really your niche, though you always offered to help.  In the end, your duties were relegated to research assistant and, as usual, keeping the bunker spick and span.    But those were insufficient distractions when your husband was three feet away but completely unavailable.

The three boys were strewn about the library, books piled high around them, their latest escapade baffling them all.   It was a bit beyond you and so you decided to distance yourself from the affair.  You made things easier in small ways, keeping the fridge stocked because grocery shopping was far from their minds, and maybe being nice enough to play housewife for everyone, bringing them some food and beers when it looked like they needed it.

They were finally taking a much needed respite, Dean wolfing down a burger while Sam drank some beer and chatted.   Castiel was pretty engrossed in a text but he looked up as you wandered in.   You placed some food on the table but Castiel didn’t have much hunger for such things.   You did feel his eyes following you, though, so you looked back and found his gaze low on your body.     It seemed the past three weeks—seriously, it had been three weeks—were beginning to take their toll on him as well.

You maybe didn’t help matters by wearing that yellow sundress (because you did eventually return to the department store for your things).    And okay, maybe you were also wearing some risqué lace panties underneath the ensemble, not that he knew.   Because, honestly that was just for your own benefit.   If he couldn’t attend you right now, then you kept yourself on edge with every sexy article you could find, satisfying yourself if the need grew too great.   After the last accidental prayer thing, you were careful to keep his name to yourself.   He probably didn’t need those images in his head if he was kicking some rogue angel’s ass in a warehouse somewhere.    It made it a little torturous, to be honest, his name a breath away from falling, your hand between your legs, while you desperately wished for his presence.

You wondered if he resorted to such measures in your absence.   In sent a wave of heat through you, imagining him crumpled up somewhere with your name on his lips and his hand down his pants.   You swallowed then wet your suddenly dry lips.   His eyes flittered up to the motion, fixated on your mouth for a decent amount of time before he met your gaze.  He pushed his chair out a bit, offered his hand with a silent request.    In your excessively randy state, it was probably a bad idea to comply, but your excessively randy state dictated all your actions right now.   You scurried over, his hand gripping your hip almost immediately.   He tugged you onto his lap, his arms wrapping around your waist and holding you there.

You knew he hadn’t called you over for a spontaneous make-out session in front of the Winchesters.  It was just to be close.   That alone made your heart flush with warmth—not mention worsen that liquid heat pooling between your thighs.   You were the definition of hot and bothered right now, settled comfortably in his lap, your arm around his shoulder and the other on your knee, his arms around your waist, his eyes on some ancient text.   Your gaze wandered over his profile, free hand lifting off your knee to idly brush through some of his dark hair.   His hold tightened around you, a hand wandering down the outside of your thigh, squeezing lightly through the skirt of your dress.    You sighed, trailing your fingers down his face, curling them under his chin, swiping your thumb across his bottom lip.   His eyes fluttered, blinking sporadically, then he looked at you.

“Y/N,” he said, gently if not warning.  You pouted but relented, lowering your hand.   You gripped his tie instead, fiddling with it and pressing your temple to his.   You glanced over the text he was reading but it was written in an unfamiliar tongue.   Your prophetic gifts made you fluent in Enochian but nothing else self-translated unless it was blessed.    You just stared blankly at the book while he skimmed it, some nonsensical tome hardly distracting you.

You turned your gaze down, flipped his tie in your hand.  You traced up the length of it, curling a finger into the knot and loosening it.   You saw the bob of his throat as he swallowed, but he otherwise did not respond.   You loosened the tie a fair deal, enough to unhook the first button of his shirt.  His hand left your thigh and clamped around your wrist.   He turned his head and looked at you, dark glance warning enough.   You stared back innocently and he released your wrist, returning his hand to where it was.

You refrained from undoing anymore buttons, sufficed to circle them one at a time instead.   Your hand slid a bit lower and, biting your bottom lip, you glanced over your shoulder.   Sam was showing Dean some text, Dean still eating but wearing an admittedly interested look.   They couldn’t care less about you and Cas indulging in a bit of public affection.  There was never an official proclamation made on your relationship—me and Cas are married, no, you don’t get it, like really super married—but it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.   They were accustomed to your little moments.

You looked at Castiel again, eyes following his furrowed brow, his concentrated expression.  God, you wanted to kiss him so bad.  That bottom lip was just sitting there, begging you to bite it or suck on it or something.   But that would be too obvious.   You went for something a little more subtle, if not infinitely more frustrating.

You slipped your hand between your body and his, cupping him through his trousers and finding he was already half-hard.   You felt him stiffen beneath your hand, the sudden attention rousing him.   He looked at you quickly, hand already gripping your elbow—but not very convincingly.   He knew he should remove your hand, but if he was as achy and desperate as you, then your hand there offered some much needed tension relief.   Even if it ultimately worsened everything.

“Y/N,” he said, tone now scraping.  

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, pressing your thighs together.    “Castiel,” you said with a little sigh, nothing more than that.  

You were careful not to open any prayer when he was away, but he was in front of you right now.    At the moment, his biggest problem was you.   Your sighing, wanting plea opened a prayer.   You imagined Sam and Dean leaving for some unimportant reason, at which point you would climb off his lap and settle on your knees in front of him.   You still hadn’t really done the whole blow job thing but you were hoping to learn soon.   You would need time for that, though, something you rarely had these days.   All the same, a fantasy was a fantasy, and in your fantasy you opened his pants like a skilled professional.   You had barely gotten to the good part, the head of his cock nudging your lips, when he interrupted your daydream by pinching the inside of your thigh.   You yelped, smacking his chest.   He looked at you pointedly.

“You guys all right over there?”  Dean asked, sounding a little amused.

“Fine,” you and Castiel answered in unison, staring each other down.   You licked your lips and saw him fighting not to look.  He eventually cast his gaze to the text and you huffed.   That tension between your thighs wouldn’t alleviate itself and he clearly wasn’t going to be helpful today.   You could not wait for this freaking case to be over.   You were going to strip him with your teeth and lick every damn inch of him.

Given the look he tossed you, you could only assume the prayer had not ended and he heard that.   You smiled sheepishly.

“Excuse me,” you said, disentangling yourself from him.   He let you go, immediately tucking his chair into the table.   Probably decent etiquette for an angel with a hard-on, you figured.   You tried not to grin as you waltzed past the Winchesters.

You made for your bedroom, peeling off your dress the second you entered.   You locked your door and flopped onto your bed.   Kicking off your remaining articles, hands settling where they willed, you sighed Castiel’s name wistfully so he would know exactly what you were doing.  

You were spiralling towards an orgasm, encouraged by the tantalizing knowledge he knew every little detail of your current situation, when there was a loud knock at your door.  You squeaked, freezing, breathing a little harder.

“Yeah?” you asked, voice breaking.   You cleared your throat.  “Hello?”

“Hey,” it was Sam, “Dean just got a call; something’s happened.   We gotta take off and I thought you should know.”

“Oh,” you said, levelling your voice, “yeah, okay, sounds good.  How long will you be gone?”   You hoped it would be short—God almighty, wasn’t this case over yet?  You just wanted Castiel here beside you.  

“A few days probably,” Sam said.  “You okay?”

“Yeah, totally fine!  See you later, Sam!”

“All right.  See ya, Y/N,” he said, wandering off.   You breathed out, waiting another moment.   Castiel probably thought he was free thanks to that little interlude but once you heard the door slam, indicating they were gone, you whispered his name and finished yourself off.    Afterwards you curled up, smiling to yourself.   You sent a legitimate prayer that this would all be over soon.

-

“You want me to read all of this?” you groaned into the phone, flipping through the book in front of you.   “It’s a million pages, Sam.”

“I know, Y/N, I’m sorry,” Sam replied, sounding quite sincere.  “But I can’t find the information online and that book doesn’t seem to be anywhere but the bunker archives.   Do you think you could read it out loud and I’ll take some notes?  It’ll probably be faster than any alternative.”

You sighed, turning back to the first page of the article.   It had been a couple days and the boys were still dealing with their case.   They were a few states over and lost as ever, hence Sam’s phone call.   He needed you to read out a pretty lengthy article from one of the bunker’s old texts.  It was English, thankfully, but tedious all the same.   Sighing to yourself, you began to recite the article in a monotonous tone.   The click-clack of Sam’s keyboard told you he was doing exactly what he said he would.

You were halfway through the first page when you heard the familiar flutter of wings behind you.  

“Gimme a second, Sam,” you said.   You pressed the phone to your shoulder so he couldn’t hear.   You turned around and smiled wide at your husband.   Sam was doing research and Dean had gone out for food, so you supposed Castiel took this respite to come and visit you.   You suddenly had very good incentive to hurry up and finish this recitation.

“Are you talking to Sam?”  Castiel asked, like he already knew the answer.   They were probably together before this so he obviously did.   You supposed he was just making polite conversation.

“Yeah,” you said, “I’ll just be a minute.”

“Continue,” he said kindly, gesturing to the table.   You were in the library, books strewn across the table in front of you.  Before he entered, you were standing upright and glancing down at the heavy book.   But Castiel was here and that was cause for celebration—and there was no sweeter celebration than teasing your husband just that bit.   You bent over the end of the table, your skirt hiking up a bit.   You were wearing that yellow sundress again and it lifted just tantalizing so, revealing the edge of your panties beneath.  

You pressed the phone to your ear and continued reading.   You wiggled your hips a bit, at least until you slipped into the monotonous recitation and droning clack of Sam’s laptop.   You yawned in the middle of a word, apologizing before continuing.   You read a few more words and then froze, staring at the book while your mind wandered elsewhere.   Castiel had stepped up behind you to slide his hands under your skirt.   They did not roam far, rough palms caressing the outside of your thighs, but it took you by surprise.

“Y/N?” Sam asked.

“Right, uh, sorry,” you said, blushing, a hard habit to quell.   You looked at Castiel over your shoulder, threw him the dark glance he gave you two days ago.   He returned your innocent stare, thumbs tracing circles up your thighs to your hips.   You faced forward again, supposing his actions were not too distracting.   You went back to reading, trying to ignore his hands as they swept back down your thighs.   You squeaked into a word when Castiel’s hands flattened on the back of your thighs and then slid up, curving over your ass, flipping your skirt up completely.  

“Sam, sorry,” you said, starting to push yourself off your elbows, “I just need a sec—”

Castiel’s hand landed in the middle of your back, gently pressing you back down.   He grabbed the phone and pressed it to your shoulder as you had done earlier, then he leaned over to speak low in your ear.

“Keep reading,” he said, hand sliding down your back and returning to your rear.   He traced the edge of your panties and your knees practically knocked.

“Cas,” you began in half-hearted protest, honestly wanting to see where this would go.

“Keep. Reading,” he said sternly, punctuating each word.   You didn’t need to be told twice, swallowing hard before dropping your eyes to the text.   You returned the phone to your ear and cleared your throat.  

“I’m sorry,” you said.   “Where was I?  Let’s see…”

You kept reading, sputtering when Castiel snapped the edge of the panties against your ass.  He traced the line with his thumb, continued to gently tease your skin without committing to anything dire.  

“Come here,” you heard him say after a moment, “and keep reading.”  

You obeyed, reading as you straightened.   Your skirt fell low again and you almost lamented it.   Castiel’s hands went to your shoulders, tugging on the cardigan you wore over your dress.   You pulled your arm out, placed the phone against your opposite ear to remove the other one.    Castiel took the cardigan and tossed it onto a chair beside him.   He then pushed down the straps of the dress, bra straps following, and wasted no time with placing wet, bruising kisses along your shoulder blade.

You stumbled over a few words, correcting yourself and trudging on, even when he started nipping at your skin and making an obscene noise or two.   Your breath stuttered but your voice carried.   You licked your lips and only paused when his hand slipped around, tugging on your dress and bra until it lowered to his liking.   He slipped his hand beneath the material and fondled your breast, softly rolling two fingers over a nipple before he pinched it.  You stifled every reaction and stood stock still, at least until he bent you over the table again.

He flipped up your skirt once more.   To say you felt decadent would be an understatement, your breasts all but spilling out of your dress, pressed against the tabletop, skirt hoisted high so he could run his hand over your panties.

“You doing okay, Y/N?” Sam interrupted you.  “You’re breathing kinda hard.”

“I’m fine, just tired,” you lied, speaking a bit too quickly.   Cas actually chuckled, a dark sort of rumble, and the sound hit you right between your legs.   You bit your lower lip and pictured Sam shrugging on the other end of the line.

“All right,” he said, “if you’re sure.”

“Yup,” you squeaked, fighting to level your breath when Castiel started to lower your panties.   “Totally fine.   I’m just… I’m just gonna keep reading.”  You launched right into the next line, just wanting to finish with this damn thing.  

Castiel, the sly bastard, had clearly visited for this purpose alone.   This was totally retribution for the prayer thing and Sam needing your help was the perfect excuse.   You bit back a groan and tried not to react as your underwear hit the floor, wrapped around your ankles.  

“Take them off,” Castiel said when you did not move.   It took a second but you did comply, lifting one foot so he could nudge the material aside.  You lifted the other and he kicked them away.   “Good girl,” he said, smoothing his hand over your backside.    His hand ran down your hip and then landed on the table, his other hand following so his arms bracketed you.   He pressed up against you and you stopped reading for a moment, pressing your lips together to fight a sound.   A promisingly hard ridge in his trousers rubbed against your backside.   “Beautiful, tempting wife,” he murmured, stepping back, running his hands down your sides and over your hips.  “You don’t know what you do to me,” he said lowly, fingers trailing down the cleft of your ass.  “But you will.”

You started reading quickly, somehow knowing you would not be permitted to stop.   Plus, it seemed to be the only sound you could expel right now.   You breathlessly slurred your words until Sam told you to slow down and you groaned.   It thankfully fit as a retaliation to his request but it was for so much more.   Castiel slipped a hand between your legs, fingers teasing at the wet heat which had been craving his attention for weeks.    You slurred a few more words, bucking your hips as Castiel stroked you slowly.

“Always so wet for me,” he said, easing a finger inside you.   You breathed a bit harder, continued reading at an uneven pace.   “Do you think about anything but your husband’s cock?”   A small groan found its way into your sentence, mouth barely catching it before it passed.   You shook your head in a cheeky reply to his question but he just chuckled again, that low, dark sound.   You would be happy to take your time with sweet, tender Castiel some other time—for now, you were more than happy to bare yourself to the powerful soldier character, a warrior of the Lord who had dabbled in many dark moments.  

But that didn’t mean you would make it easy.   You still bit back your reactions but then supposed he wanted you to do that, to see you struggling to keep composure, teasing you to a brink as you had done several times now.

He was thrusting two fingers in and out of you, his other hand running up and down your thigh.   He lifted it to your backside, ran it down your ass and rubbed the flesh while his thumb pressed hard circles on your clit.   Sam asked for a breather because he needed to grab something and you pressed the phone to your shoulder, whimpering as those fingers fucked into you and that calloused thumb drove you wild.   You bucked your hips against him, earning yourself a very light slap from his free hand, right across your bottom.   You yelped, thankful Sam was not listening at this point.   His voice quickly returned though and you groaned again, pressing the phone to your ear.

“Hi,” you said, word falling breathlessly.  Castiel took that as his cue to suddenly stop, very slowly pulling his fingers out of you.   You bit your lip while Sam explained something about the article.    Castiel stepped back and Sam asked you to continue reading.   You did, only stuttering when you heard the soft clink of Castiel’s belt buckle, followed by the whistle of leather and fabric as he pulled it off.   You breathed hard, legs feeling a bit weak, your sex positively dripping with arousal.   You weren’t too sure what to expect, if he was going to start fucking you right then and there, but that did not happen.   You tried to look down when he crouched by your feet, though you had to return your eyes to the text to keep reading.

The article was almost done—at least, it was closer to done than not done.   You fought to keep your voice light.   That flew out the window when Cas grabbed your ankle and tugged, looping his belt around your lower calf and basically lashing you to the table leg.   You looked at him over your shoulder as he stood but he said nothing, shrugging off his trenchcoat and suit jacket.    He rolled up his shirt sleeves, loosened his tie, and still did not meet your gaze, just stared right at your aching sex with a hungry gleam in his eye.  

“Y/N?” Sam’s voice rang in your ear.   You had almost forgotten about him.   You turned back to the text and kept reading, not even acknowledging the odd lapse.   Just have to finish reading, you told yourself, you can last till then.    

Cas nudged your other leg, kicking it far from the tethered one.   You had to bend over further to support your weight, spread wide, one leg literally tied up and the other locked in place by his.   His hand returned to your needy sex for a moment, thumb swirling over your clit, middle finger pressing inside you.   You read a bit faster, heart likewise racing.   He didn’t seem to be undoing his own pants so you weren’t sure what to expect.   His hand left you and then a second later you got your answer.

“Ah—!” the startled sound fell from your lips, something cool and foreign pressing at your entrance.   How Castiel found the time to pick up some kind of weird sex toy, you had no idea.   But you slammed the phone against your shoulder so you could moan, sound breaking into a whimpering sigh as he slid the long, thick object inside you.   He was still for a minute, leaving you spread helplessly wide with something just sitting inside you, not moving at all like you needed.

“You should be reading,” he said, and suddenly twisted the object.   You yelped, bringing the phone back to your lips.

“Sorry Sam,” you stammered, grasping the book and flipping the page.   Your breath ran ragged as Castiel slowly pulled the object back, halfway out before plunging forward again.  You stumbled over your words and Sam asked if everything was all right.   You ensured him that everything was fine and he told you that you probably needed to rest; you sounded sick.   You told him you would do so right after you finished reading.   You had a feeling Castiel would not be pleased with shortcuts.

You fought to speak normally while Cas fucked you with the object, sometimes slow, sometimes fast, sometimes turning it, sometimes jerking it.   He changed angles and suddenly it was hitting a spot that absolutely sang, causing you to cry out before shouting that you were okay, reading with feverish impatience.   Almost there, almost there, was the chant in your head, referring to much more than the article.  But you could not enjoy wherever this venture journeyed.   Castiel suddenly stopped, his free hand gripping your thigh, and then he slowly pulled the object out of you.   You pressed the phone to your shoulder again, moaning with shameless wantonness.   He tossed the object onto the table beside you and it landed with a clatter.   Your jaw dropped as you stared at it and then looked at him.

He had seriously just fucked you with the hilt of his angel blade—and that was not a freaking euphemism, just a literal observation.

He was almost blasé about the entire thing.   He just pulled up a chair and sat down, assuming that position you still found so unbelievably sexy, head propped on his fist and arm tossed over the back of the chair.   He stared at you, his ankle still hooked with yours to keep your legs spread.   Your other foot was not getting free for any reason.   So you stayed like that, completely exposed, trembling with need, shakily finishing the article while your husband stared at you.   You glanced at him for a fleeting moment and almost moaned all over again.   He was palming at his own hardness though he paused, once more draping his arm across the back of the chair.

“And that’s it,” you finally said, reaching the end of the article.  

“You should probably—”  Sam began, probably some thoughtful remark you didn’t have time for.

“That’s nice, thank you, Sam!  Bye!”   You hung up quickly, all but collapsing onto the table after.   Castiel stood, freeing your leg.   He crouched down to free the other one and you stretched it out, groaning a bit.    Then his arms wrapped around you and he pulled you upright.   Your dress was hanging precariously low but you didn’t care.   Your legs were shaking and if he was not holding you up, your knees would probably buckle.

But he was.   He held you with such strength and care that you could have cried, moaned, laughed—maybe all three.   He pulled you against him, holding you tight in his arms as he lowered his face to yours and kissed you.   It had been too long since you properly kissed him.   You wrapped your arms around his neck and returned it with all the pent-up passion inside you.   The kiss started passionate and was resolute, heat rising and not diminishing.   You practically melted in his arms, his hands smoothing over your sides, one lifting to your head to brush your hair back.    He just looked at you for a moment, the stare so open and bold that it seemed to rip right through you.  It was every stare you ever dreamed of receiving but doubted you would—that and more.   Then he kissed you again, softer but no less passionate.

“I am a fortunate husband,” he rumbled, then literally swept you off your feet.   He scooped you into his arms, appropriately bridal-style as he made the manual walk to your bedroom.   You were thankful he did not zap you there; you were still reeling from normal activity, never mind angel activity.   You just kept kissing his face and jaw, giggling when he returned the action and kissed your cheek, nose, eyelid.   You nuzzled your face against his neck and sighed, your arms tight around his shoulder.   He opened the door with a telepathic command and closed it just the same.   You were alone in the bunker but it was habit.

“Now,” he said, placing you on your feet, “I would… very much… like to make love to you.”  Even if you did sort of giggle at the way he posed it, there was no doubt about it: teaching him that phrase was the best thing you ever did.   Even after that display in the library, it managed to warm you all over again.  

You just nodded, clinging to his shirt as he leaned down and kissed you.   His hands went to the back of your dress to properly unzip it, peeling it down your body and letting it pool on the floor.   You reached back and unclasped the bra because he broke the clasps every time he did it.   His hands went to your breasts the second the material fell away.   Yours went to his tie, unknotting it and pulling it off while he gently kneaded your breasts.   He bent over, kissing down your collarbone and down your breasts while you unbuttoned his shirt.   You tipped your head back, moaning freely and happily as he sucked a kiss over a nipple, rolling the other beneath his thumb.  

“Bed, Cas,” you mumbled, undoing the last button.   He let go of you long enough to pull off his shirt, leaving it on the floor as he took hold of your arm and led you to the bed.   He sat back and tugged you forward.   You expected any number of positions—right on his lap, maybe beside him so he could roll on top of you—but he took you by surprise again.  

Angel strength seeming to momentarily overcome him; you swore you lifted off the ground for an inordinate amount of time.   Then you were on the bed, straddling his hips as he laid down.   Before you could think to do anything, though, he shoved you all the way up so you were kneeling over his face.   You swayed a bit, balance thrown, as his mouth moved over you, licking and sucking and tasting every unsatisfied part of you.  

You leaned back, grabbing his thighs behind you, back arching and a gasping moan on your lips as he ate you out.    He was so strong, holding you in place even while you fumbled behind yourself.   You tried to open his pants from this position, managing with marginal success.   You sufficed to slip your hand into his pants, stroking him through his boxers and delighting in his moan which reverberated through your own body.   Your smile faded as a torturously pleasured expression replaced it.  You bit your bottom lip, groaning, unable to resist grinding your hips downward.   Fuck, but he had gotten good at this.   He was always pretty good but every time was better than the last, learning exactly which spots hit you just right and when.  

You shoved your hand under his boxers, stroking him a bit unevenly until you felt the crest of an orgasm.   You just leaned back on your hands, pressing against his hips and crying out as he delivered you over that precipice.   You would have slumped backward if he hadn’t held you upright.    He slid out from under you, moving you down his body so you straddled his lap again.   He sat up, wrapping his arms around you while you fumbled with his remaining clothes.

“Just zap them away,” you said, always remembering in hindsight.   He wasted no time.   With a blink, his clothes were gone.   Another blink and you were on your back.   His hand moved under your thigh, drawing your leg over him.   You happily obeyed, hooking your legs around him as he leaned down and kissed you again.   That was all he did for a moment, then he shifted and hooked his arms under your legs, pulling them up a little higher.  You gasped as this opened you up a bit more, and then he was nudging at your opening.   You reached down and helped guide him, biting your lip with bruising strength as he thrust into you.  He held your legs where they were, angelic abilities no doubt soothing your muscles so you remained comfortable.  You tipped your head back, hands weaving into his hair as he expertly worked your body.

After a bit of that, you gently pushed at him.   He understood and moved back, laying down and allowing you to climb over him.   His head landed at the foot of the bed but that hardly mattered.   You straddled him, sunk down on his cock, both of you moaning low again.   You rocked your hips against him, lifted up and then down, swivelled and teased and rode him just right—realizing you had gotten better at this whole thing too.   You couldn’t think of a better person to have shared it with.

He sat up after a bit, returning your thrusts, his hand between your bodies to help bring you over that cusp again.  You tumbled over it, gripping the sides of his head, your forehead pressed to his and a small sound in your throat.  He made a responding sound, thrusts a little wilder beneath you until he stuttered.   One hand held your waist while the other tangled in your hair, tugging a bit as he finished inside you.   You fell together after that, Castiel laying back.   You were technically upside down on the bed but neither of you paid that mind.   You rolled onto him and kissed him for a moment, knowing he had to re-join the case but enjoying his company for another moment.

“I’ll return soon,” Castiel said a while later, tucking you into the bed properly.   He was barely dressed, wearing only his boxers, but you insisted anything less was just distracting.   He smiled at you and you smiled back, basking in the warmth of that blue gaze and gentle expression.

“If this is the greeting I’ll get on every return,” you said, “then take as long as you need.”

He smiled again, brushing some of your hair back then leaning over to kiss your forehead.  

“Soon,” he said.

“I’ll think of you,” you murmured, grinning to yourself.   He looked at you like he knew exactly what you were thinking, but he only smiled fondly.

“That’s what I worry about,” he teased, and you just laughed and buried your face in the blankets.

part 6

castiel x reader masterpost 

[fanfic-corner]

A-Spec Across Fandoms

23/10/20 - I know I have already done an a-spec post for Destiel fics, but it is asexual awareness week next week, so I thought I’d read a load of fics with ace characters from a few different shows I like! We have some Supernatural, some Doctor Who, some Sherlock, and a couple from Good Omens. Happy ace week!

Supernatural

broken when I’m lonesome by SailorChibi on AO3. (7,015 words).

Tags: Asexual Castiel, Demisexual Dean, Panromantic Castiel, Biromantic Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean Has a Sexuality Crisis, Angst, Fluff, Touch-Starved, Comfort, Platonic Cuddling, Castiel is Not Oblivious, comments that could be taken as ace-phobic.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: After being saved from hell, Dean's old methods of coping aren't working anymore: he's not sexually attracted to anyone, and he's not interested in sex no matter how many times he climbs into bed with hot, naked women. Sam is convinced that his brother is just depressed, but Dean knows this goes deeper than that. He still craves the intimacy that can make him feel safe. Fortunately, Castiel is there to both understand and provide.

Notes: This fic really hit home. I’m not sure if it is because almost every person I have ever talked to has had some form of this conversation, but it was still cute.

La Vie A Plus by K_K_TiBal on AO3. (6,260 words).

Tags: Punk Castiel, Asexual Castiel, College/Uni AU, Roommates, oh my god they were roommates, College Student Dean, College Student Castiel, Pining, First Kiss, Misunderstandings, Art Student Castiel, Love Confessions, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Tattooed Castiel.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester is hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with his best friend and roommate, Castiel. Castiel - with his blue hair, and his tattoos, and his artwork, and his perfect everything. Dean never stood a chance, really. It only sucks because, as far as Dean can tell, Castiel is definitely not interested. But love, much like art, has a way of being unpredictable. Even if you think you know where you're going with it.

Notes: The angst is strong in this one! Again, I feel like many aces have had this conversation or that fear that people (allos, especially) may not want to be with them.

Exposed to What You Hide by SailorChibi on AO3. (1,890 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe - Hunters, Creature Castiel, Procubus Cas, Asexual Castiel, Established Relationship, Hidden Relationship, Assisted Suicide, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: "We think Cas is a procubus," Sam blurted out. Then he winced and yelped when Charlie kicked him under the table. "Ow!" "Smooth, Sam," Charlie snapped. Dean looked back and forth between them, realizing that they were both 100% serious. "A procubus." "Basically it's the sexless version of an incubus or a succubus," Charlie explained before Sam could. "It's... it's a demon that kills people by sleeping with them." She was chewing on her thumbnail now, eyes big and apologetic. Sam had done one better pasting on a truly epic kicked puppy expression of apology. "You think Cas is killing people by cuddling with them," Dean said, just to be sure. 

Notes: Well that took a bit of a turn. I’m not sure why, but I love fics where Cas keeps bees, it was just so cute to see him that happy! (Even if he was crazy. Shut up).

Consolation by Trell on AO3. (1,195 words).

Tags: Aromantic, Aromantic Relationship, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Asexual Character.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: In which both of them are ancient, and neither of them are in love with each other.

Notes: Okay, I would first of all like to say that I do not ship Cas and Ten. I was kind of curious though, and clearly whoever wrote this ships Destiel and Ten/Rose. That being said, I am here for some angst; poor Cas and his unrequited love, and poor Ten because all his friends are dead.

Doctor Who

don’t hold this war inside by WishingTree on AO3. (1,824 words).

Tags: Asexual Yaz, Pre-Relationship, Asexual Character.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: “It’s just - I’m scared,” she finally manages. “Scared?” the Doctor stills where she’s been trying to roll up the sleeves of her coat, shoving the material of one arm over her elbow and asking, “Scared of what?” Yaz doesn’t answer, can’t answer, and the Doctor goes to reach for her, aborting the movement halfway and only managing an awkward swaying motion. “...Scared of me?”

Notes: Thasmin is a ship that, had I not stumbled across it on Instagram, would never have thought of on my own. Much like Sabriel, however, now the idea is in my head, I ship it! Also, the author in this fic manages to perfectly capture the Doctor’s personality, which is quite an impressive feat.

Whatever fits my skin by lloydsglasses on AO3. (1,481 words).

Tags: Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Cross-Generational Friendship, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Canon Gay Character, LGBTQ Character, Aromantic, Pride.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: “So, does that happen to you a lot?” Bill asks once they’re safely back in the Doctor’s study, each cradling a mug of tea. “Getting snogged by gorgeous women as a thanks for saving their lives.” The Doctor sets his teacup down gently on the desk, mouth pursing in distaste. “Far more often than I’d like.”

Notes: Oh my god that was so (fucking) cute! Now I want more fics of characters going to pride. Maybe for next June. Also, I’m just saying that I hated Nardole and nothing you can say to me will make me change my mind.

Take It, Leave It (But you’d better believe it) by lloydsglasses on AO3. (760 words).

Tags: Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Cross-Generational Friendship, Asexual Character. Aromantic, Canon Gay Character, Coming Out, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, LGBTQ Themes.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: “I told my foster mum that I’m gay. Now she keeps trying to set me up with guys." 

“Ah,” says the Doctor, with a frown. “That seems… counterintuitive.”

Notes: I’ve always loved Bill and Twelve’s relationship, and this is such a cute scene! It is a crime we haven’t got more River Song content, by the way.

Crescendo by tenscupcake on AO3. (6,013 words).

Tags: Fluff, Asexual Character, Romance.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: As her relationship with the Doctor slowly develops into something a little more than friendship, Rose starts to wonder what's holding him back. But one fateful night, he confesses something that makes her realize she never had any reason to worry.

Notes: Beautifully written! I don’t think I’ve ever read a Ten/Rose fic before, but I have always shipped it and it is adorable.

Sherlock

The Important Bit by Solshine on AO3. (9,984 words).

Tags: Asexual Sherlock, Platonic Relationship, Amarriage, Same-Sex Marriage, Bromance, Domestic.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Just where exactly is the line between “to love” and “to be in love”? What difference is required between “flatmate” and “husband”? (Besides the rings, obviously.) No, the important bit is that they have each other. Thirty years, give or take, in an atypical marriage. Basically a long bit of platonic domestic fluff.

Notes: Oh, this is absolutely one of my favourite Johnlock fics now. Absolutely adorable (because I love domestic Johnlock okay), I nearly cried, and now I want all the art of Sherlock with a fancy old cane!

the art of getting by (isn’t really so artsy at all) by stupidmuse_hatesme on AO3. (6,521 words).

Tags: Asexuality, Asexual Character, Asexual Sherlock, Romance, First Time, First Date, Slash.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: “He's treating things like they're normal! Things are not normal.” Sherlock drags his hands from his mussed up hair and covers his face. “You aren't helping much,” he mumbles into his palms. “I hope you know that.” The skull only grins from his perch and says not a word. “Really, you're supposed to do more than just--sit there.”

Notes: John is so unbelievably sweet in this, but Sherlock was bit OOC.

what does the world get by coloredink on AO3. (2,302 words).

Tags: Asexuality, Asexual Sherlock, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: A women's magazine quiz leads Sherlock to investigate the nature of love.

Notes: A cute lil’ fic about exploring your (in this case, lack of) romantic and sexual attraction.

Surprisingly Simple by heeroluva on AO3. (855 words).

Tags: Asexuality, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, First Kiss, Touching, Fluff, Cuddling and Snuggling. My Rating: 3 stars. Description: In which John is asexual, and Sherlock never asks. Notes: Pretty cute, and it is always nice to see a character who is just cool with it, without some massive explanation. I can dream.

Good Omens

An Honest Surrender by Kedreeva on AO3. (4,107 words).

Tags: Ineffable Husbands, Post-Apocalypse, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Marriage, First Kiss, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Soulmates, Soul Bond, Aziraphale’s True Form, Crowley’s True Form, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: "For six thousand years," Crowley said, voice cracking, "I have wanted something I couldn't have, because I asked the wrong questions. But I'm asking the right one now. The only one that matters." In which Aziraphale follows Crowley home after the nonpocalypse.

Notes: Seriously, reading Good Omens fics always makes me so relaxed and sleepy it is unreal. I need to read them more often. Anyway, this is such a cute explanation for the final episode, and I loved it!

You’re the Only Prayer I Need by Kedreeva on AO3. (5,507 words).

Tags: Ineffable Husbands, Wingfic, Angel Wings, Angel/Demon Relationship, Wing Grooming, Bathing/Washing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Asexual Relationship, Snake Crowley, Love Confessions, Trust, Non-Sexual Intimacy.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Crowley had, in the six thousand years Aziraphale had known him, shed his skin exactly twice that Aziraphale knew of. Both times he had disappeared without a trace, having retreated somewhere very safe and very, very unknown to hide while he was so vulnerable, and Aziraphale had never thought to ask beyond that information. Everyone was, he had supposed at the time, entitled to their secrets. The problem was that he had stumbled directly into this secret now, and there was hardly a graceful way out of it.

Notes: The sheer level of trust is adorable, and I’m always here for snake Crowley.

A Little Less Celestial by Kedreeva on AO3. (2,360 words).

Tags: Non-Sexual Intimacy, Non-Sexual, Sharing a Bed, Ineffable Husbands, Literal Sleeping Together, Wingfic, Cuddling & Snuggling, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Aziraphale accidentally falls asleep, and Crowley teaches him sleeping isn't so bad, really.

Notes: Oh my God, this was so calming to read in a way I really can’t describe? Also, now I want a bookshelf bed.

Just One Yesterday by Kedreeva on AO3. (1,952 words).

Tags: True Form Crowley, True Form Aziraphale, Ineffable Husbands, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Post-Apocalypse, Time Travel, Time Loop, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Canon Compliant, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Missing Scene.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Crowley and Aziraphale didn't stop the apocalypse on the first try, but you know what they say... try, try again.

Notes: I could not tell you the plot of this, but that image of Crowley’s true form was beautiful (and the artwork was phenomenal!).

So, there we have it! I hope you enjoy them, and have a nice week. By the way, if you have instagram, please would you consider following @justaceofficial? They are trying to get funding for a TV series which focuses on an asexual main character, and they ran an asexual advent running up to this week!

[writingfromkitchenator]

The Demon, The Hunter, and The Halfblood

Masterlist

Crowley x Original Female Character

Chapters: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven

Series Warnings: A/B/O series, some Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alpha x Omega, obligatory smut warning here (as usual, no under 18′s please, specifics will be within chapter warnings as needed), violence, blood, fluff, angst, major character death, possession, swearing

Chapter 8

Words: 2,543

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Madelyn shifted in her chair.  “And we're not here to talk about it.”

“Oh, we are going to talk about this,” Crowley said simply.  “Whether you are comfortable or not.  My guess, of course, due to your charming family, that it has something to do with that?”

She refused to meet his gaze.  “No.”

Crowley watched her, watched the anxiousness and shame in her expression.  He knew he was right, but he wanted to hear her say it.

“Azazel always was too much of a pain for his own good,” She flinched, avoiding his gaze.  “And no doubt being possessed by him alone would've left some lasting scars, but this was a little more than that.”

“Stop.” She said firmly, shooting him a cold look.  “No one knows about this Crowley, and I want to keep it that way.”

Crowley leaned forward on the table, holding her gaze.  “You're stuck with me now love, and I need to know what this is.”

“You already know,” She said, a note of desperation in her voice.  “You've already figured it out.”

“Perhaps,” Crowley said. “But what is the reason, if true?”

“Of course it's fucking true,” She said, her voice raising a little, earning some attention, so she quickly gathered herself again.  “But it keeps me sane not having to acknowledge that.  I was a game to him, and I will not be that again to you or anyone else.  I will not be used as someone else sees fit.  Mark or no mark, you drop this and you do not bring it up again.”

They held each other's gazes for a long moment.

Crowley sat back, looking amused.  “A Winchester fed demon blood for amusement instead of a deal.  How interesting.”

“I'm sure it is for you.” Madelyn grumbled, taking a sip of her coffee.

“That's why you've never stopped hunting,” He said.  “You've never felt like you belonged with the normal humans.”

Madelyn shot him a dark glare.  “Yes, thank you for the analysis.  How perceptive of you.”

“My job is to know people darling,” Crowley said lightly.  “And you have been both a pain in my side and an enigma.  I'm glad at least something now makes sense.”

She huffed and tried to focus on her coffee.

“What does it mean for you?”

Madelyn sighed, hating that he wasn’t going to just give up on this.  “You mean apart from making me easier to possess? If that got out alone I'd be a dead woman walking.”

“Something I can arrange to protect you from,” Crowley said easily.  “I can hardly have you used against me.”

She gave a small smile. “And here I was foolishly thinking that it was actually for my benefit.”  She shook her head.  “I...I get dreams as well, like Sam did.”

Crowley observed her for a moment.  “I feel like there's a ‘but’ in there.”

Madelyn stared at her coffee.  “Sometimes it breaks through into when I wake, so much so it almost becomes a reality for me, like I'm actually there as it's happening.  It's almost gotten me killed a couple of times.  Walking out of a motel room not in my own world, then proceeding to almost get run over by a car.  Certainly not how I want to go out.”

Crowley was thoughtful for a long moment.  “So no other psychic abilities?”

She shrugged.  “I don't know.  I never tested it and never had a desire to.”

“How did your brothers never notice this?  Or your father?”

“They put them aside as nightmares.  Our life was nothing easy or simple as it was, so it was a given.  It...it got worse after Azazel.  That's why I haven't been around them much, but I’m sure you’ve already figured all this out.”

“How interesting.” Crowley said, finally earning a return of her gaze.

Madelyn frowned at him. “This isn't what we're here for Crowley. We're meant to be discussing-"

“This effects that.”

“Bullshit it does.” She growled.  “Look, I'm not just some random Omega you can boss around as you see fit.  I don't work that way.  I can promise that if you order me to submit, then you'll find my boot up your arse.”

Crowley smirked. “You weren't complaining during your heat.”

Red flushed her cheeks. “Because I was desperate, arsehole. Just because I'm an Omega, which is a right pain in the arse especially considering the situation, does not make me a submissive.”

“Madelyn,” Bobby interrupted, much to the clear relief of Sam and Dean.  “You've stayed here plenty of times without a reaction like that.”

She smiled, a little sadly, and nodded slowly.  “Yeah, because I learnt to control it, at least to some extent.  If it...got as bad as waking up in it, I taught myself to not to move, most of the time.”

“You sprinted out pretty quick before.”

“Yeah, but...as Dean already worked out before, things are slightly different now.”  Madelyn said.  “The dreams get worse, quicker, and it essentially sends me into a panic attack.  I'm guessing that that one was so bad because I'd...also fought the demons beforehand.”

“You developed more powers.” Dean said flatly, his arms folded, staring at the two of them.

“Nothing too extreme,” She said, ignoring Crowley's cold stare at Dean.  “But enough to be almost entirely immune to other demons powers, yes.”

Dean looked even less impressed.  “So what? This has become like a kink between the two of you?”

Madelyn said no, just as quickly as Crowley said yes, earning a sharp kick to his leg, which only made him smirk.  “Would that even be a problem?  Not that it’s any of your business-”

“Yes, it would,” Dean said coldly.  “Because I know what Sam went through, and you’re a manipulative enough bastard to take advantage of it.”

“Do you really think that Madelyn is going to fall for something like that?”  Crowley asked.  “Have you really not seen enough of the two of us to understand what our relationship is now like?  Things have changed.”

Dean’s next statement was interrupted as the door opened, Castiel stepping inside, looking slightly concerned, before an excited squeal comes from the next room.

“Uncle Cas!”  Casey ran out and practically leapt into Castiel’s arms, who relaxed a little as he picked her up.

“Hello Casey, I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”  He said with a smile, which fades at Dean’s bordering on furious look, his eyes quickly flicking to Madelyn and Crowley.  “Er, is everything okay?”

“I don’t know Cas, is everything okay?”  Dean asked, his arms folded.

“Leave Uncle Cas alone,” Casey said quickly, scowling at Dean, folding her arms, making Madelyn and Crowley bite their lips.  “Stop being so mean to everyone Uncle Dean.”

A small moment of silence fell, only broken by Sam trying to control a chuckle, quickly looking away from Dean’s unimpressed look.

“This is for the adults to talk about Casey,” Dean said, trying to hold his tone back.  “And right now, Cas is in trouble for keeping one hell of a secret.”

Castiel sighed.  “You wouldn't have believed me if I told you. I wasn't impressed by the situation either, but there was nothing I could do about it, except offer my assistance. Not that either of them gave me a choice.”

“After what you did? No, definitely not.”  Crowley said, looking amused.  “To bring you up to speed though, we had a little trouble with some demons while I was being held hostage by these three.  Madelyn had to make the call and here we are.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” Castiel asked, frowning at Madelyn.

“It was just meant to be another move,” Madelyn said.  “It wasn’t till far too late that I realised that demons had even gotten that close.”

“If you hadn’t made us think that you were dead, this never would have been a problem.”  Dean bit.

Madelyn raised an eyebrow at him.  “Is that what you think?  You don’t think that it would’ve caused far more problems?  You and Sam-“

“Are your brothers,” Dean growled.  “And that should’ve meant more than anything else.”

“Dean-"

“No Sam, I’m not hearing it this time.  She should’ve come to us with all of this.”

Madelyn gave a bitter laugh. “What?  So you could sign my death warrant yourself?  There was no possible way I looked at this Dean, without it ending in some sort of death for me.  Don’t you dare think that I didn’t look at this long and hard.  That I just did this on some sort of whim to upset you all. You are all family, yes, but sometimes you do actually have to look after yourself first.”

Dean didn’t look any less furious.  “But this isn’t just about that anymore.  We had a right to know what Azazel did to you!”

Castiel frowned at this. “What?”

Madelyn sighed heavily, even as Crowley’s tension grew next to her.  “Dean, if I’d had it my way, none of you would ever have known about it. I was more than capable of handling it on my own.”

Dean went to snap again, but a small voice cut him off. "Uncle Bobby?"

They all stopped for a moment and looked at Casey, and for the first time, Dean, Sam and Bobby could see exactly what Crowley meant.

"Er... yes Casey?" Bobby said, realizing she was waiting for him to respond.

For a brief second, Casey's gaze flicked to Dean before looking back at Bobby.  Can you, me and Uncle Dean go make something to eat?”

There is a stunned moment of silence.

“I’m not –“

"I think that's a great idea."  Bobby said quickly, cutting Dean off.  "Let's see if we've got the right things for pancakes. How does that sound?”

Casey smiled and let Castiel hand her over to Bobby.  "Come on Uncle Dean!"

Dean stared after them for a moment, before he grumbled something under his breath, and followed.

Madelyn physically relaxed next to Crowley, who gave her a worried look.  "She is too smart for her own good."

Sam smiled.  "It worked though.”

"Yeah, she's good at that too."

Castiel cleared his throat. "Would someone like to explain what is actually going on?”

"We're playing family catch up, can't you tell?”  Madelyn asked sarcastically, making Sam flinch.  "It's going wonderfully."

He frowned and then looked at Crowley.  "I'm surprised you're allowing all this?"

Crowley raised an eyebrow. "Which? The explaining or the currently upset Alpha who my daughter had to get out of the room?  This is not my ideal scenario, but we haven't had much choice in the matter."

"It's never stopped you doing something before."  Castiel said.  "And what was that about Azazel?"

Madelyn sighed and sunk into Crowley's side, his arm wrapping around her waist to pull her a little closer, her head resting on his chest.  “Complicated.  Something I don't currently have the energy to explain twice.”

Sam frowned at her, even as she closed her eyes.  "You really haven't told him either?  Despite all the help he's been giving you?"

“I told you all before that I'd only ever told one person," Madelyn said, settling against Crowley even more, his thumb brushing soothingly against her side.  "If you don't want to listen to me properly, that's your problem."

Sam sighed. "Well, it's hardly my place to say anything."

Madelyn shrugged, but remained silent.

Crowley could feel her tiredness weighing on her, knowing it always got worse after the visions.  "Love..."

"Go for it, he might as well be brought up to speed too."

Crowley gave a small smile and kissed the top of her head reassuringly before he looked back at Castiel. "You may as well sit down and relax, Feathers.  I'm sure between Moose and I we can bring you up to speed, although, you know far more than them anyway."

Sam rolled his eyes, but doesn't say anything as Castiel sits.

For a while, they sit and catch Castiel up on what had happened, Castiel also less than impressed when it was finally mentioned what Azazel had done.  He tried to ask Madelyn a question, but that was when Sam and Castiel realised she was asleep.

"None of this is easy on her, I hope you understand that.”  Crowley said quietly, having sensed her go to sleep.  "None of its been easy.  She tortured herself for weeks before she made a decision, and even then, for a long time, she doubted it was the right one.”

Sam remained silent, even as Castiel sighed and looked around the room.  "You know the three of you can't stay here too much longer? Without all your usual warding in place..."

"I know," Crowley said.  “And while we've all been talking, I've been trying to think of where, seeing as I do not trust that all our locations have not been compromised.  Unfortunately, I can only think of one current solution.”

Castiel nodded. "We should be able to modify and add wards easy enough."

Sam looked between the two of them for a moment.  "Wait, you want to hide out in the bunker?  Are you sure that's a good idea with Dean at the moment?”

"Unfortunately, I don't think we have much choice Sam."  Castiel said.  "It's bad enough that demons found out and had her briefly as it is.  If angels had..."

"Yes, well, let's not go there, shall we?"  Crowley said. "Look, it's not ideal, but it is currently the only solution until I can sort out something else.  Madelyn needs to rest first though.  She'll never let on that this has been taking a lot out of her.”

He thought for a moment, watching her sleep.  "I'll take her upstairs where it’s quiet.”  Crowley looked at Castiel.  "Do you mind watching Casey for a bit?”

Castiel smiled. "Of course, it's never a problem.  I had been expecting a call from one of you soon anyway."

Crowley chuckled softly, even as he carefully manoeuvred Madelyn into his arms.  “Another week perhaps, but right now, I just want to ensure she sleeps properly.  To do that, I need to be there."

Sam and Castiel watched as Crowley took Madelyn upstairs, Sam frowning a little, looking at him once the door had closed.

"You're really supporting them with all this?"  He asked.

Castiel sighed and gave a small smile.  "It took me a little time to come to terms with it, but, whether you believe it or not Sam, the two of them love each other, very much.  If anything were to happen to Casey, I pity the one's that would be caught facing their wrath.  She is the light of their lives, and has made them a practically unstoppable force, even if it took them a little while to realise that.”

"You're happy for them?"

"Yes," Castiel said.  "It mightn't have started well for them, but, as time has gone on, I think they've slowly realised this was meant to be.  I still couldn't even tell you who fell first, but I do know that Crowley broke a lot of rules to save Madelyn's life.  That was enough for me to see to want to help as much as I could.”

[billiewena]

3, 12, 23, 24

OKAY I HAD TIME TO THINK ABOUT THESE (thanks you for making this ask game BTW!)

3. What's a scene that you think is underrated?

- 4x19: Adam's funeral and the comment about Sam becoming John (which he takes as a compliment when Dean clearly doesn't). This ep is probably the closest they get to discussing their Daddy issues tbh.

- 8x08: Sam & Cas in the cartoon world, where Sam gives the speech about not running away from problems anymore that motivates Cas to do the same (feel like it gets ignored over the Deancas scenes)

- 8x19 Dean meeting Naomi. THE most twisted villain, the amount of damage she did caused with "I admire your loyalty, I only wish he felt the same"

- 12x10 ending w/ Dean & Sam tell Castiel how much they appreciate him! I love the bickering in this ep but am such a hoe for them just TALKING OUT their issues.

12. Rank the eras and opinions on it (1-5/6-7/8-11/12-15)?

Before I go into it my season-by-season rank is 4, 5, 8, 1, 2, 3, 12 11, 13, 9, 15, 6, 7, 14, 10

1. 1-5: TIGHTLY written, every ep and conflict felt like they mattered and would pay off (and usually did), character and family dynamic development that always felt grounded/realistic. Cons are the misgoyny, racism and homophobia (def don't miss the only female characters being Innocent Mom, Evil Skank or Girl With Knife) but that's the 2000s baby

2. 12-S15: Love the overall tone and the show expanding to include more hunters, allies, universes, etc. Sadly these seasons would introduce the most INTERESTING and COMPELLING concepts...only to do little to nothing with them. Wayward Sisters, Empty, Banes twins, Witch!Sam, apocalypse hunters, death of the author, and (obvs) Dean/Cas. Even Jack! All his relationships were more tell than show, never fully developed on-screen. ESPECIALLY him and Cas! They have 2-3 whole scenes together in S13. Jack's born, but Cas is dead. Cas returns, but Jack leaves. They find Jack, but Cas was kidnapped and then Jack gets trapped. The show just kept following Dean and Sam from crisis to crisis with little room to breathe. The era is so cool in theory and a great playground for fanon, but...ugh.

3. 8-11: Some of THE dumbest writing decisions happen this era, usually to cause manpain or brother drama. But Carver did reign things in a bit with more overarching plots and storylines again, especially in S8 and S11. The trials! Rowena and Crowley! Re-introduction of Chuck! Purgatory! Cas and Claire! Jody and Donna! Sam's "God" visions! The Baby episode! Also nostalgic because this was when I finally got internet access and joined the fandom.

4. 6-7: Besides having a few of my fave eps (Death's Door, Man Who Would Be King, etc.) mostly unmemorable and all over the place. Like, you can TELL they didn't have any idea what to so once they ended the Kripke arc and threw anything and everything at the wall to see what stuck. Resurrected grandpa? Sure! Cas is evil now? Cool! Ancient monsters that can be killed by cleaning supplies? Why not? Wait, we need Dean and Sam drama...right, let's make up a childhood friend Sam has never mentioned for Dean to kill! And give Dean a Reneesmee monster daughter for Sam to kill! We're so good at writing!

23. What are some lores/world building that you love from Post s5?

- The morality of monsters and bad guys. We got redeemed vampires (Benny), witches (Rowena), demons (Crowley), werewolves (Garth), nephilims (Jack), etc. The MOWs are inconsistent but SO GOOD when they take this route. One of my faves is the Shapeshifter in 13x04 who becomes a Grief Counselor to use her abilities to help people

- Purgatory! Love the vibes, the every-man-for-himself energy, how harsh it feels

- The Trials! These crazy stakes! Prophets! Sealing the gates of hell! Angels falling!

- Apocalyse World! Again, the VIBES! Michael vs. Lucifer is supposed feel so world-ending. So to see a world DEVASTATED by their war? Insane! And Apocalypse!Michael was a cool villain, very strategic and focused, knowing what alliances to make and how to make the situation work in his favor

24. What are some lores/world building that you love from s1-5?

- The angels: so cool before they got nerf'd. Perfect soldiers, orders from above, varying levels of cynical, too powerful to be seen by eyes, SMITING! I miss the smiting.

- THE SEALS! I wish we saw more of them but the creativity! The stakes! And Lilith being the final seal remains one of THE best twists!

- The Trickster! I love Gabe as an archangel too, but do miss him messing with the Winchesters to teach 'em a lesson

- Special Children! All of these powerful lonely people who've been weird all their life, thrown into a hunger games where they either kill or survive! So crazy.

SPN Ask Game

[adrunkgiraffe]

I have been through this journey before, so I get to be actually frustrated about it.

IUnder a read more because im not subjecting y’all to this. Also: I should caveat I haven’t watched the episode cause I’m waiting till its on Netflix but I have watched way too many other episodes of Supernatural so I have a right to say these things. 

TL;DR: I mean you all knew Cas’ confession was fucking bullshit and that SPN is...hm. But I’d like to actually express my genuine frustration, for a moment? I’m going to say things you already know, but I have too much knowledge of this show and too much stupid meta in my brain about a series I haven’t genuinely enjoyed for at least 5 years which makes this not just blandly bad but disgustingly insulting to me not even as a gay just as like. A writer?

Or, even shorter: Cas’ confession is just a Charlie Bradbury Speedrun 

So. As some of you may know if, for some reason, you followed me back in 2013 (and till...okay fine 2015), I used to be, uh. Really into SPN. Really, I was into Destiel. Like, as in, I slogged through seasons 1-3 to get to Cas and am also really vulnerable to the Sunk Cost Fallacy and projecting onto characters. (I was in 8th grade in 2013, okay? Get off my back)

Also, because I monopolised use of the TV, I kind of...also got my parents into it? In a “this is silly but fun” kind of way.

Over time, critiques of the show from viewers, learning what queerbaiting is at all, fatigue with how long it was going, and also fatigue from how characters I enjoyed, like Rufus, or Crowley, or Ellen, or Jo, or Kevin, or Charlie, or Cas a few times, kept getting killed off. As time went on, it didn’t escape my notice that, aside from Cas, all of these characters fit one or more of the following criteria:

They were a woman

They were a person of color

Were Queer or Queer-coded in some way (listen Crowley was bad rep but at least Mark Sheppard actually kissed a man on screen)

I also just...generally got tired of the way the show treats women and sidelines people of color. 

The final straw really came with Charlie’s death. It got us all excited, because she hadn’t been back in a bit! And it was interesting to see how reuniting with her dark side from Oz had changed her! (yeah remember the fucking Wizard of Oz storyline? The writers sure don’t!) And maybe she’d get developed! Because at this point, Charlie and the fairly good writing of her character was a major upside for the series! Charlie was cool, fun, gay, and morally complex in a way...none of the female characters had been before her, in large part because by definition, her relationship with the boys would always be platonic.

And then. Offscreen. She is violently murdered. For no damn good reason. Like, literally, her being brought back in this episode after fucking off to europe after having returned from fucking off to Oz seems to have filled two purposes in total. 

The codex is solved (but Sam doesn’t know till next episode)

Charlie is dead, which means Dean can be angry, specifically at Sam, and kill more people because he’s the big bad this season. 

That’s it. Two things. Twooooo whole reasons to do this episode. Whoopee. 

But you didn’t come here for this, you came here for me to rip this reveal to shreds. Don’t worry, I’ll get there. What I want in your minds is that Supernatural already had a really good anddynamic queer character. And then they killed her off to make Dean angry. No, it doesn’t matter that they brought her back in season 13 or whatever. They made that decision. 

After the rage this incited, I started realizing general flaws in the writing (I had probably already noticed them but now I was angry enough to complain.) Every conflict is born of Sam and Dean not communicating/taking on burdens and Dean being angry at Cas for reasons that ranged from good to ridiculous, but in a way that always went way too fucking long, (which...yes, does make the “you do it for love” gifs fucking hilarious). It didn’t help that seasons 11 and 12 were next, which meant Demon Dean and GOD’S FUCKING SISTER, plus the decision to resurrect Mary, which, while I do like her later scenes, as a season 12 finale it...well I’ll be honest it kinda sucked. It undercut the majority of the Winchester’s’ arcs and their slow and painful journey out of their father’s toxic vengeance quest and knowing Mary as a person when it’s too late to know her was one of the last semi-compelling grounders of the narrative. 

By this point it was a hate-watch for my parents and I.

So then, I’m at college, and I’m not watching anymore cause I don’t have the motivation or access to Hulu to continue, and SPN is bad. I watch the Scooby Doo crossover when it comes out and my friend and I make fun of it, and we also continue making jokes about Dean and Cas and queerbaiting because we’re queer, but I don’t keep up. My Dad does though, so when I return, I watch some with the fam and lads. It’s even more tiring without context. 

So flash forward to Quarantine, my sister, the only one with taste, has left, and we have run out of netflix to watch. So we return to the well, and seasons 13-14 are. I’m gonna say it. Bad. Really fucking bad. The cycle of bad communication continues, season 14 has like seven antagonists and the way it’s structured makes it so I literally cannot remember the timeline of a season I watched 3 months ago. Oh also, they have a queer coded cannibal snake monster for...well I guess Jack’s snake bud was cool but like. Huh wow it’s almost like these writers don’t handle queers well. 

Our one saving grace is Cas, but he’s barely in any episodes, though I did note that his deal with the empty, being happy completely for one moment killing him, that struck me as “this has potential and I know they’re gonna half-ass it somehow.” Also Jack and Mary, but then oh...plot….The most compelling it gets is literally the finale.

But then, 3 days later, the first half of season 15 comes out on Netflix and it’s...actually kind of acceptable. The new character they give Jack’s actor is fun to watch him play until they make him evil. Exploring just how toxic Chuck can be gave the series direction again. The alternate future was genuinely scarring, and Eileen’s return was genuinely moving. Most of all, though, Cas got the opportunity to tell Dean no, that Dean was being unfair to him, had always been unfair to him, and he was sick of it. I had no illusions, I knew Destiel was never gonna happen, and Cas was gonna die, but giving him that bit of agency, letting Cas grow and be self-sufficient, and be angry with Dean not for existential reasons but interpersonal ones, was such a good sign for me, and Dean grew too! Dean fucking apologized for being horrible and Jensen Ackles had a...yknow what, ill give it to him, he had a good acting moment. 

But the thing. About. The “I love you.” 

Let’s take it in parts.

What was good: I’m gonna admit it, lads, “Wanting what I can’t have” - AS A LINE - is good, and, structurally, there is something to the Empty Deal that could have been an interesting aspect of Cas’ arc when it comes to self actualization and being on even footing with Dean. The problem is, this is Supernatural, and that arc only comes up when I bring it up because character study, even in bad media, is fun for me. 

What was bad:

I mean. Like. All of it? All of it. 

Okay. Fine. I’ll be specific. 

Cas dies immediately when - possibly because- he is revealed as having feelings for Dean. They kill him as they queer him, that’s a Bury Your Gays Speedrun right there.

Like the least they could have done is have him mention it to someone in another scene or something to establish some romantic feelings on the part of canon a full episode beforehand. That would have been the literal bare minimum. 

When Cas starts praising Dean, for some reason both the writing and Misha’s acting take a bit of a downswing (from...where it already was). Cas, whose most powerful moment this season was acknowledging that Dean’s anger at him is cruel and unfair, flatly praises him for doing everything out of love and it reads with a misunderstanding of both Dean as a character and Cas’ understanding of Dean. Dean is angry! VERY ANGRY! And it’s a problem he needs to work on and rarely does. 

Talking out of my ass, a better speech would have been about how Dean is angry because of his love for Sam, family, and the people around him, how, for better or for worse, he can’t help but be angry on behalf of others, and that his journey of moving that tendency towards the better is what made Cas care so much. Guys this alteration to the metaphor took 2 minutes to write tops I am an Art History student and these are TV WRITERS WITH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE CAN YOU TELL THEYRE NOT TRYING YET? 

A better speech would, of course, have come out of a better series. My point: this part was half-assed. Poorly written. Wow it’s almost like the series is also poorly written. 

 Also, Misha is the better actor of the three(***OF THE THREE), but his choices in that scene are jarringly out of character which. Makes the bad writing worse. It doesn’t help that they cut to the same fucking shot of Dean 3 times. The chemistry in that scene makes it feel so fucking hackneyed. Because it is. 

This combines lead me to the point: (wait there was a point to this?)

As someone who does not have the luxury of watching this capsized ship fall into boiling seas from a distance, it is less insulting to me that they did this so last minute and then sent Cas to the Void than it is how they did it. They had ingredients for something that could have been compelling enough to me as a former fan of the show to think that they had put effort into it, that they had decided months, perhaps even years ago to do this, and had crafted a storyline around it. That this was an intentional decision they cared about. It wasn’t. It was barely even pandering, because it’s almost insultingly blatant. 

SPN kinda proved to me that it didn’t care about queers when Charlie was killed off. It proved it to me again when Cas, not only died in confessing his love for Dean but did it in the weakest result of what could have been a surprisingly strong story.

[verobatto]

Mating For Life

Destiel wild meta. Addition to my crack (not so crack) meta Is Mating Season for Dean.

With the spectacular dissertation of my smart friend @mrsaquaman187

Hello dear fandom! We are here again! We had not been kicked out for our wild thoughts and interpretations!

Okay, let's make a tour through the wild life in Garth's house... But first of all, let's start with wolves...

Wolves

@mrsaquaman187 wrote:

"Ok ok wolves! As we all know wolves have a pack mentality! While they don’t normally mate for life, they will fight for their right to mate! Also the wolves mating pattern is quite aggressive! We see Garth fight for the boys and aggressively tell Dean what he should be doing! Wolves are a species that roam as a family and represent loyalty and ferocity. But in this case they represent aggressive love! A love so strong that it caused Garth, to smell it on Dean. Which at first Dean didn’t understand BUT in the end he ended up replying with “you don’t smell so bad yourself”. Wolves use their sense of smell to be able to tell if their target is ready to mate, just mated, or open to mating. And that’s what Garth was smelling. The scent of a “taken” mate. And in realizing this Dean also responded in kind. Basically what was said in wolf language was “love looks good on you” and Dean seeing Garths beautiful family responded with “love looks good on you too”.

Gif set credit @starsmish

Swan

We just answered a post by @savannadarkbaby yesterday, and she showed us this...

The swan inside a blue room. I know many of you are thinking SWAN SONG! Like a recall to season 5, but this has nothing to do with that. Because this episode was talking frenetically, about MATING FOR LIFE, and how Dean had found his mate for life in Castiel. If you readed my first meta, one of the quotes of the days while filming this episode was the first quote I related with Dean.

I have always been a fire, and everyone I loved walked away as ashes, until I met a phoenix, who was born to love flames.

So please, let's read my friend now...

@mrsaquaman187 wrote:

"Ok here we go with the blatant showing of the swan in the blue room!!

"Swans are a majestic bird. Large, graceful, elegant, classy....AND A BIRD KNOWN FOR HAVING GAY COUPLES!!! While most people saw the swan and immediately thought of Sean Song, me and my friend here did not! I instantly recalled this ..."

"Swans are a beautiful species that, like most birds, mate for life! But unlike most species that also have gay pairings...the swan will pair for the rest of their lives. Black swans will fight off female mates and pair with the stolen mate. Swans are also famous for adopting orphaned chicks. Thus making them quite different.

There are almost no species of animals on this planet that doesn’t have a recorded gay pairing. The only ones that don’t are the creatures that don’t use sex to reproduce."

"So Swans sit on the top of the food chain for gay animal relationships."

Okay, I asked her too to dissert about Phoenix, so...

Phoenix

Because that quote of the day deserves it...

@mrsaquaman187 enlighten us with this...

"Now another interesting bird that’s been mentioned a couple times is the Phoenix! A legendary bird made of golden flames that will be reborn over and over for eternity! Sounds epic right??? Well if we look into the actual mythology of this dramatic creature we will see that this bird represents ever lasting prosperity. A never ending will. I love that never dies. In other words the Phoenix represents determination and dedication. For the Phoenix May fall but it will always rise from the ashes anew and ready for a new life! Why am I crazily rambling about this mythical creature you might be asking??? Well it’s simple! We often relate Castiel to the Phoenix. He is the fire that never went out for Dean...while all others got burned in his flames only one remains. I’m not including Sammy here because they are blood and of course he stuck around 😂 but Castiel has no reason to withstand such flames. He’s also a Phoenix like Dean. And Phoenix are extremely rare and they only find a pair every few millennia. Dean has done the same for Cas. Yes the flames burn and yes they get bigger. But a Phoenix will always return! Wiser, stronger and more beautiful."

Are you enjoying this trip through Garth's house? Let's go with the next wild animal...

Doe

When Garth and Bess were dancing in that window, there was this statue...

A doe.

@mrsaquaman187 wrote:

"In this episode very quickly we also see a Doe! This animal is a native totem that means fertility and guides the way to prosperity and enlightenment! This was placed in Garths home as a sign that it is just that! A home!"

And now... Let's talk about this kitties...

Sorry, I cut their heads off... 🤣🤣🤣

Cats

Okay, the black cat is Castiel, the white one is Dean, the large one is Sam and the little and cute one is Jack! Fight me here! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 TFMiew! Oh my gosh, I need a brain transplant...

Okay, @mrsaquaman187 pointed cats spread pheromones all over... And we are coming back here to the YOU SMELL GOOD scenes.

To Conclude

Mating and mate for life, had been one of the topics Dabb developed in the last episode.

Showing us Garth's house full of wild animals with specific meanings, that fulfill the idea of Dean had already chosen his mate for life, his phoenix, represented by his pheromones (he is just a kitty in love), the suggestive tap tap dancing inviting Castiel to mate with him and the swan in that blue room.

I hope you all enjoyed this cooperative post, you can add all your thoughts!

Kisses!

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @agusvedder @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @destielshipper221b @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-castiel @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @liwos-rabithole @poorreputation @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @breathing-oxymoron @a-bit-of-influence @dwstiel @thislunarkiss @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

Buenos Aires January 27th 2020 10:53 PM

[renegadehoneybee]

2, 4, 5, pick any you want to answer

Ooooh, thank you for the ask!! <3 <3 <3  2. What's a character that you dislike? Dislike for writing reasons? Alex, i get why they integrated her with the Jody plotline to set up Wayward Sisters, but honestly i would’ve preferred to spend that time developing Claire further (and honestly, i did not get anywhere near enough Claire & Jody, OR have Claire & Donna do a hunt???? Iconic. Can you imagine???)  Dislike because they’re terrible in-universe? I feel like the common answer here would be John. The neglect and child abuse is just difficult to see past, especially given the long-term effects his actions have on both of his sons (and the various people they then go on to interact with). I just. I don’t like John Winchester.  4. What spinoff would you have liked from the show? THE BANES TWINS. Twigs, Twine, and Tasha Banes would have been a phenomenal backdoor pilot AND i think there was a lot of opportunity there to have further exploration into magic as a concept. I also just really loved Max and Alicia, and i think there was so much opportunity to delve further into those characters and their relationship and dynamics, especially the plot that gets set up with Max having damned himself to bring Alicia back. 

Also potentially fantastic opportunity to have like, a different atmospheric vibe for the show. I may be misremembering but i think when they call Mary they mention being in Louisiana, and i like the idea of contrasting a sort of southern gothic backdrop with Max and Alicia as these very modern characters, both aesthetically and in terms of who they are. Being really cognizant of the role of race and sexual/gender identity in how they occupy space in (many predominantly white) small towns and suburban areas. The conflicts and insecurity that sometimes results from them traveling areas where they aren’t safe, not because of monsters but because of other humans. It’s a more explicitly dark take on the supernatural-americana-road trip vibe, because it’s very much outright suffused with this country’s terrible struggle with racism. In fact, there would definitely be opportunities to examine the history and legacies of concepts within the genre that have really racist connotations--the glorification of pre-civil war america, the legacy of segregation, even, i think in season 2 of the Max and Alicia Banes series that exists in my head, moving to other locations set in the midwest, west coast, and the north and exploring and contrasting how these issues are different and the same. I mean, racism certainly isn’t exclusive to the south, and in some ways i think it’s more insidious in places where people think prejudice is either gone, at least where they are, or that it’s not their/a problem. 

And i mean here’s the thing too right, Max is a witch, Alicia technically isn’t human. The big problematic element of hunting as a white paramilitary fantasy eradicating “the other” can be subverted if we (”we” lol this is all in my head, @kripke like i’m the showrunner now) correctly handle how their identities 1) impact their approach to hunting and b) we reconsider/reframe the power dynamics. Max and Alicia don’t hunt on the fringes of society, seeking out monsters that threaten traditional family values/structures, their hunting focuses on targeting monsters that abuse the power they hold over others. And more often than not, that kind of power is derived from institutions (everyone from the man that abuses his wife and kids to the pharma CEO insider-trading), which often not just permit, but actively facilitate the abuse of power in order to preserve it (and the existing order). I think what makes a monster is not being an “other” (it can’t be, if our protagonists are “others” but are not monsters), but rather having power and using that power to exploit weaker/less powerful individuals. The natural foil that Max and Alicia provide is to show people using their power to protect others, especially the vulnerable/institutionally disadvantaged.

At the same time, i think they’re both a lot of fun, and the show would definitely have some lighthearted elements to allow the characters to develop through positive experiences as well as through struggle. For Max, I’d say a long-term, slowburn love interest, and for Alicia i could see two directions, one could be a mentor-figure (as a means of exploring and later reconciling how Alicia felt disconnected from her mother, in some ways, because she doesn’t have magic) kinda cast in a similar mold as Rowena (who i love). Another potential option is a bestie, personally i think there should be more representations of positive female friendship in tv and movies, and i really think it could be interesting for Alicia to bond with another non-human character (maybe there’s dramatic tension between her and Max because he brought her back and she’s unsure what that means for her personhood to be contingent on his magic, and we have a character going through a parallel struggle with notions of personhood, free will, and control of one’s own life).  But, of course, they will never make this show.  Sorry, this one turned into a really long answer because once i started thinking about this i had to write out my thoughts.  5. Favourite character that appeared in only 1 episode? I mean. Hester. Iconic homophobic queen, she told Dean that the very touch of him corrupts, from the moment Castiel laid a hand on him in hell, he was lost. She was onscreen for like 70 seconds, dropped That Line, and then died. Seriously who the fuck wrote that dialogue???  Dealer’s choice: 26. Cutest scenes in the show? I already wrote you an entire essay no one wanted about the secret spinoff that lives in my head starring the Banes twins. So. I’ll try to keep this short(ish).  Tombstone, Dean and Cas in the car, with the hat, i made you watch it? Cas introducing himself as agent Val Kilmer. Just. Overall a scene that was so soft and dorky and sweet.  Any scene involving Cas and Jack together. I love their dynamic and sometimes i cannot believe they really gave the gay angel a baby.  Full disclosure, I am a Cas girl (gender neutral), but I love Dean. So much. Any scene where he’s interacting with kids (Dead in the Water, the scenes with Ben, the scene where he takes Jack fishing) honestly just feels so heartbreakingly sweet. Elder sister syndrome really is being baby crazy but also not having kids because you’re like, too unstable for them. 

Anyway thank you for the ask!! <3 

[iamgaryrennells]

LITG Random Questions Tag

Thanks to @kingkassam for the tag and @lilithlibrxa for making this! I had A LOT of fun, as always. ✨✨✨

1. Favorite Girl?

Priya and Chelsea

2. Favorite Boy?

Gary and Lucas and Carl and Bobby

3. Favorite Route/LI and why?

Gary, definitely. He’s a sweetheart but makes mistakes, he’s hot and seems like a lad at times but he has hidden depths, the love that he has for his nan is the cutest thing for me especially because I can relate (and I miss my grandma so much), he’s playful and loyal and amazing and stupid and everything. His route has a little bit of everything: doubt, impatience, angst, drama, love, banter, good times... I just love it tbh.

4. Season 1 or Season 2?

Season 2, somehow I’m not tired of playing it over and over, unlike Season 1. I’ve only played Season 1 twice (the first time I loved it but the second time I only wanted the gems for season 2)

5. Twitter, Tumblr or Reddit?

Reddit and Tumblr. I love both.

6. Try and guess each s2 islanders’ zodiac sign

I have no idea about zodiac signs so I wouldn’t even know where to start 😬😂

7. If you could meet any islander irl, who would it be and why?

To get to know them and develop a relationship (romantic or friendship): Gary, Priya and Chelsea, Jake, Tim, Bobby, Talia, Rohan.

To pick a fight: Lottie, Blake, Felix, Jo, Marisol, R!Hannah and Hope.

8. Do you have an unpopular opinion about the game/characters?

Okay, here we go:

Lottie: I have a love/hate relationship with her, even though Gary is my favorite and she’s a pain in my ass during his route. I really think that the writers did her dirty. She had some character growth. I understand why some people don’t see it as growth, but I really think she’s a great character (in terms of her place in the story, not because I think she’s a good person or anything). She’s easy to judge but there has to be a reason as to why she is the way that she is. And maybe knowing more about her background would’ve helped us to understand her (again, I’m not saying that everything’s forgiven and forgotten).

At first I didn’t think Felix was that bad. Maybe because I was busy getting annoyed with Arjun.

I don’t think Rocco deserved to be treated the way he was treated. It is a game to get to know people and flirt with them. And yeah, he went behind everyone’s back and chatted every girl but the latter is literally the reason why they all are there. Idk, idk.

9. Which islander are you most like?

A weird combination between Gary and Chelsea. And a little bit of Kassam. I enjoy staying at home and chilling but I also get FOMO (even though at the end of the day idc and I still stay at home), I don’t care about drama but sometimes I cause without knowing I’m doing it because I’m a very chill person and most things don’t bother me but bother others... And I’m unbothered by everything, use sarcasm a lot and I’m pretty annoyed about everything all the time.

10. Most and Least favorite islander of all time and why?

Most: Gary; he’s literally the sweetest guy ever and he’s so layered and so amazing and he gets judged by the way he looks or acts at first but then you get to meet him and he’s SO wonderful. I also love Tim, Bobby, Jake, Chelsea, Priya, Rohan, and Talia.

Least: Erikah and Hope, probably.

Erikah; I haven’t played S1 that much and I can’t remember exactly why I don’t like her, but I know that I don’t.

Hope; do I even need to spell it out? She’s the worst. She’s rude, manipulative, toxic and doesn’t care about anyone or anything (this last is not exactly a bad thing imo cause you can car about whatever you want, just don’t try to come across as a good girl when you’re clearly not). The way she treats ANYONE who dares to look at Noah’s direction, even on day one, is just horrendous. You are in a game that invites you to flirt with other people, to get to know other people and change partners if that’s what you want. If you don’t want that, then why participate in it? She only talks about Noah and that’s it; when people try to talk about anything else, she says something rude and kills the conversation dead. The way she treats Priya (or MC or both) at CA is beyond awful; how she says that she and Noah are the ‘only good couple’ is beyond disrespectful; the way she talks about Lucas when Noah is literally by her side and then criticizes Chelsea for saying something along those lines is beyond hypocritical; how she doesn’t let Noah think for himself and manipulates him for her own interests is beyond despicable.

A lot of people are ‘bad’ or ‘do bad things’ in this game, but they’re true to themselves adn others and they show their true colors and accept them and try to develop from them, but these two? They don’t. And we’re supposed to be okay with that. Well, I’m not.

11. Which Islander would hit 1M followers first?

Bobby, definitely Bobby. Or Lucas. And Priya. And MC, obviously.

12. Which Islander would land a major brand deal?

Priya, because duh and Chelsea, because duh, too. Also, Lucas and Bobby and probably Gary.

13. Do you think any of the s2 islanders smoke? If so, who?

I haven’t thought about this, but I think Lottie would. Also Blake. Probably Shannon.

Gary, Carl, Marisol maybe, under specific circumstances.

14. What’s your season 3 bucket list?

MC speaking for herself, defending herself and dragging the people that needs to be dragged

Better challenges! Maybe physical ones

DRAMA, but juicy drama. REAL DRAMA. not who kissed who and petty name calling

MORE TIME WITH YOUR LI

better female LI

People reacting to MC according to their reaction, but really reacting. I can’t have Lottie hating me for taking Gary or Hope hating me for looking at Noah’s direction and then them complimenting my outfit. If i’m gonna have an enemy or a rival, I WANT THEM TO BE MY ENEMY OR MY RIVAL

More friendships, too. I need a combination between the Rap Crew and Priya + Chelsea

Better customization options for MC

female and male and non binary MCs

MORE TIME WITH YOUR LI

MC being the MC

SWEARING, LET ME SWEAR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Less generic, more personalized. Each route has a certain thing that only happens then and there, the characters have unique lines and chats. stuff like that.

MORE TIME WITH YOUR LI

15. Do you read any fanfics?

Yesss. I just wanna say that WE NEED MORE GARY CONTENT OUT THERE BECAUSE OF REASONS. I’ve also read Bobby’s, Lucas’ and Noah’s.

16. If there was a Love Island the Game All Stars with islanders from S1 and S2, who would you choose to go back to the Villa?

S1: Miles, Rohan, Cherry, Levi, Mason...

S2: Shannon, Blake, Noah, Rocco, Arjun...

17. Which Islanders would struggle the most in quarantine and why?

Chelsea and Lottie because of FOMO. Felix, too. Henrik and Rocco would, too, but Rocco would manage with his spiritual travels or something.

[norahastuff]

At this point , I am really scared , I need some reassurance that Destiel will happen , so many posts saying that it is unlikely , please help!! :(

Ok first of all, I get it. These days I’m relatively chill about most aspects of the show, just taking things as they come and trying to enjoy the story they’re telling - it’s still a pretty good one - but I have those moments too. For example my knee jerk reaction to the “Cas has failed his brothers” tweet  (which again means nothing - people that run the CW social media accounts know next to nothing about what’s going on in the show) was genuinely “I can’t believe Dean made Cas a mixtape of the music his parents fell in love over, in a scene that was shot so romantically, and people are still out here calling them brothers.”

And honestly that’s still where I’m stuck with all of this. I haven’t been in fandom long. I never even really knew what shipping was until last year. I was watching, enjoying and analysing the show (albeit in my own head), long before I found tumblr, and had thought it was blindingly obvious that there were romantic elements to Dean and Cas’ relationship. I think that’s something a lot of us forget when we’re talking about “Canon Destiel” and what will happen etc. We discount everything that has already happened between them in favour of some proof down the road. Which I get, trust me, but I really don’t think we should forget everything that led us to see Dean and Cas this way to begin with.

Ok so what helps me mostly be chill about all this?

1) The wealth of canon material that already exists between them (mixtapes, grief arcs, human weakness, colette parallels, sweeping reunions set to rousing musical cues, Amara supposedly having control over Dean but when in a room with her and Cas all Dean can do is call out Cas’ name over and over again in a broken voice - I honestly could go on all day.)

2) I don’t believe any of this was being done in bad faith.

I’m going to focus on 3 of the current writers, 2 of whom are openly queer and one of whom is the showrunner:

Berens

His first episode 9x06 was the one where Misha was instructed to play Cas as a “jilted lover” by Carver, the showrunner, and that episode was just romantic af. There’s so much staring through wistfully at each other it’s ridiculous. If you watch Berens episodes, it’s pretty clear that he considers Dean and Cas’ relationship vital, he often makes a point to place them in the same tier of importance as Sam and Dean’s relationship, and on top of that it seems to me he’s always just contextualised their relationship as having romantic elements. Whether it’s Colette parallels or mixtapes, Bobo’s always presented them a certain way.

Yockey

If you even glance at Yockey’s resume you’ll be able to see he’s a genius playwright whose work tends to focus on gay relationship dramas. Of course that in no way means that any relationship between two men that he writes has to be romantic, but what it does mean is that he understands when it is. It does mean that when he writes an episode like 12x10 (an ep about angels falling in love with humans), where Dean and Cas are bickering like a married couple and Ishim dubs the woman he was in love with his human weakness, whilst in the same breath calling Dean Cas’ human weakness, he’s doing it intentionally. That episode was a lot of things, well written, smart, beautifully crafted - but one thing it was not was subtle. Claiming Yockey didn’t mean it that way seems pretty absurd to me, and honestly, trying to claim Yockey - a gay man who writes nuanced LGBT+ stories - meant it as bait or whatever, is even worse. I mean that episode even had an exploration of how angels do not have genders like humans do by showing Cas in a female vessel and having him reiterate that angels are their own thing, regardless of whether they are in a male or female vessel at any given time.

That’s not even mentioning 13x05 and how ridiculously romantic that ep was. I mean I can’t - that final scene was ridiculous.

Andrew Dabb

And then we come to the showrunner himself. Dabb joined the show the same season that Cas did. He’s always placed a great deal of importance on Dean and Cas’ relationship, and always made sure to differentiate it from Sam and Cas. Even as early as 5x16, he made sure to emphasise how it was Dean who felt for Cas when he lost his faith in God (note: I don’t think there was any romantic intent there at the time but he was showing the depth and importance of their bond even back then.) 8x08 with the “talk to me” and the heart breaking conversation that followed that was cut short when Sam walked in. Dabb cares.

Dabb has also clearly been intrigued with the potentially romantic aspects of their relationship. I don’t know what his intentions have ever been with it, but at the very least, he has often seemed like he wanted to explore it. In 9x22 where Metatron delivers the “he’s in love with..,humanity” line, Dabb reportedly wrote that Metatron created Cas’ heaven as having tons of photos of naked Dean (which allegedly was axed by a higher up). His era led to Cas being given a vital, central role in the show and story like he’d never had before and also the escalation of the Dean/Cas romantic story like never before. In Dabb’s eps all of heaven and hell assume they’re banging with a demon even saying it to Cas’ face. Not to mention 12x23. Just all of it. Seriously.

I have no idea what TPTB intentions are, or ever have been, with Destiel as an eventual textual development, and yes I definitely believe that the right thing to do is for them to address it in some way. But I will say it bothers me a little when people throw it into the same category as a couple of other shows that shall not be named for the very important reason that the show has never invalidated any of the romantic elements of this relationship they’ve crafted between Dean and Cas, at least not post s8 and certainly not since Dabb took over around mid s11.

Kripke and Gamble definitely had a different approach that was pretty much just homoerotic subtext with the occasional (extremely on the nose) gay joke thrown in, but that’s not something Carver and Dabb did. However explicit they did/will get with it, every development between Dean and Cas has been anchored by serious emotional importance and nothing about their bond has ever been dismissed or downplayed as unimportant.

If there’s one thing I’m reasonably confident about is that that isn’t going to change. They’re not going to invalidate or “no homo” any of this by throwing Dean or Cas a last minute love interest. There’s a lot simmering under the surface between Dean and Cas right now, has been for a while now, and it’s definitely something they’re going to address if they’re going to give any kind of sensical end to their story.

Regardless of how explicit it winds up being - and again I want to reiterate, I do understand people’s pain and frustration if it winds up not being especially overt - this is a story that the people who created it cared about. The writers have treated in seriously and none of them ever mocked or dismissed any of the fans and are not evil villains cackling over a cauldron because they’ve tricked so many people with this story. Also, because I’ve been seeing some baffling commentary about intent - some from former Destiel shippers even - even if there isn’t a clear cut romantic endgame that makes it obvious to 100% of the GA, none of that invalidates all the romantic storytelling that has been, and continues to be, a part of the narrative for a long time now. It exists. To quote Misha “you are not crazy.” And don’t let anyone make you believe that you are.

TLDR: I have no idea what’s coming next and I’m sorry but I can’t give you any assurance that things are going to be wrapped up the way you or I would want them to be, but I can give you my long rambling thoughts about why I feel the way I do. Why it can still bug me that we can watch a story that if it was between a man and a woman would be blindingly clear to everyone but if it’s m/m (or even w/w) has constant denials levelled against it, but how at the same time I’m not constantly filled with rage or sadness about why it has played out the way it has.

So yeah, that’s how I’m going into the final season. There’s a lot more I wanted to say but looking at this wall of text I’m realising I’ve already gone on for far too long so I’ll stop now.

[naruhearts]

OKAY SO I've just spent the best part of an hour scrolling through your blog and reading a bunch of your destiel meta and I HAD to message you... I was one of the many people who STRONGLY believed destiel had a chance of being canon after season 8 (more like season gr8 am i right), but throughout the years I slowly lost all hope. However, S14 has made me 110% invested in the show again and YOUR META IS GIVING ME HOPE FOR DESTIEL, which is TERRIFYING. Your writing is wonderful and I'm STRESSED.

Got back from Washington late last night!

Oh my gosh @alovelikecas, your message really made my day and I’m SO glad you enjoy my meta xox (even when most of my meta looks like, to me, sloppy-ass writing, haha! I’ll probably make an end-season meta post after 14x20 — if I have the time — that touches upon SPN’s current and repeating themes since Season New Beginnings S12/Dabb Era, not to mention I have, like, some more unfinished meta in my drafts >.>)

Yeah I mean, I didn’t join Destiel land until Summer 2016, and before that, I was late to the Season 11 party, so I basically had no narrative context for anything, and I’ll copy-paste what I said here: 

Looking back, one significant thing I recall? S11 gave me a sense of Destiel’s true narrative validity (as not a ‘fanon’ ship but organically developed in the canon) when I perceived it as a season that was ‘missing something’. Keep in mind I had no idea about Destiel yet while watching S11 at the time.

I was literally asking myself — repeatedly — why Dean/Amara seemed to contain odd narrative holes, considering A. Dean explicitly said that the non-consensual attraction he felt for Amara was NOT love and “it scares him”, B. Amara told Dean that ‘something stops you - keeps you from having it all’, C. Djinn!Amara stated that she can: ‘feel the love [Dean] feels, except it’s cloaked in shame,’ and D. Mildred’s iconic ‘You’re pining for someone’ —> which did not logically correlate with A and C, meaning: since Dean doesn’t freely love Amara and thus isn’t possibly pining for her — with female love interests as currently non-existent (I remember crossing off the dead/gone girls on a piece of paper lol) — who the hell was he pining for, then?

Originally posted by elizabethrobertajones

Obviously, without writing long-ass paragraphs of meta about it again in this post, S11 made sense as soon as I watched it within the Destiel context (especially after I read up on some grandiose pieces of Destiel meta (@charlie-minion was the very first person who inspired me to write meta; I followed her once I joined the fandom Oh my god, here we go, holy crap this subtext – I’m invested in this godforsaken ship because they’re in love with each other and I’m not getting off any time soon. The rest is history.

I’m aware that I do come off as positive (and I’m still Destiel-positive; whatever happens in 14x20 this week may or may not change that), but I hope you don’t mind if I use your lovely ask as an additional opportunity to clarify my meta standpoint: no one’s saying Destiel WILL become text. 

The general Destiel meta community (all subfactions: Destiel-positive, -negative, -neutral, and in-between) is not the Most Holy Canon Word, and we aren’t SPN writers, and again, we can’t actually speak to the veracity of Destiel as guaranteed-gonna-go-textual, but we — a diverse pool of critical thinkers from all walks of life: particularly those who have some degree of experience in literary academia/English literature studies (fun fact: I was actually pursuing a Minor’s in English until I changed my mind - my first love’s Health Science/Biology, which I stuck with, but here I am doing lit-crit analysis on the side *wink*) — can speak to the veracity of Destiel as a real, palpable, and ever-substantial long-running romance narrative aka the love story between Dean and Cas IS THERE. I see it. We all see it. We didn’t pluck it out of the random ether one day. It naturally evolved across the show’s overarching narrative like some vast spiderweb, linked together by numerous character arc amalgamations of Dean Winchester and Castiel as separate individuals who were then brought together — who brought themselves together, by the sheer force of free will and choice — and are now inherent parts of the other’s story (and respective character progression).

I say this too many times to count: the entire point of writing meta? Personally, it enables me to appreciate the literary gorgeousness of Dean and Cas’ relationship as, first and foremost, a tentative alliance offset by the very moment Cas raised Dean from perdition (it’s a poetic beginning). Their alliance then inevitably proliferated into a rocky — at times, necessarily turbulent — friendship, then a deep profound bond…one that crossed platonic boundaries since S7/8 and is, ultimately, indelibly rooted in romance. Together, Dean and Cas build up each other’s strengths, complement each other’s flaws, and narratively motivate the other to self-introspect — to become the best version of themselves that they were always meant to be: self-actualized entities who let go of their painful, horrifying, psychologically/emotionally destitute pasts.

These above reasons and more are why I think Destiel belongs right up there on the shelf of Ye Olde Classics, similar to epics by John Milton, Shakespearian tragic dramas, Homeric characteristic cruxes, and the great Odyssey journey: a legendary journey, fraught with circumstance, that finally ended with Odysseus (now an enlightened man) returning to Penelope, the love of his life.

Channeling the scope of Homer’s Odyssey, Destiel is an incredible storytelling feat of obstacles, both internal and external, romance tropes, mirroring, foreshadowing, and visual cadence/emotion, enhancing SPN’s already character-driven main plot in that Dean and Cas try to make it back to one another; like Penelope, their love holds true despite everything. If Destiel were an M/F couple, we all know their love story would be absolutely undeniable to the GA.

I do understand the bitterness S14’s fostered in some viewers, though. I do understand that Dean and Cas seem distant (and yeah, it’s a noticeable difference compared to S12/S13), but I believe the Destiel subtext is still heavy and holds steady.

Right now, at this point, there remains multiple personal issues for the characters to solve, you know? Dean and Cas aren’t talking properly; their love languages stay mistranslated, although we’re persistently shown that they still understand each other on a certain level that no one else can, and the visual narrative keeps framing them as on-the-nose solid counterparts: a domestic-spousal romantic unit independent of Sam.

Originally posted by incatastrophicmind

They want to be there for the other. They need to quash the final remnants of their respective internal loathing (Dean’s self-worthiness, Cas’ self-expendability) before they’re able to give the other 100% of their time, efforts, attention, and love (as flawed and complicated but compellingly beautiful as it can possibly be). During the times Dean and Cas do try to talk shit out, extraneous issues continue to get between them.

As other friends/meta pals discussed with me, S14 is like S10 in that it’s confusing the cast/audiences. And exactly: S8, besides S11/S12/early S13, also belongs in the close-to-canon serious Destiel narrative transition! I can discuss the showrunning/writer problem of SBL (Singer + Bucklemming; @occamshipper hits the nail on the head) that tugs subtext – especially subtext linked to Destiel – back and forth, sometimes in the weirdest nonsensical ways, but I won’t go too far into it here. I agree, however, with the recent idea that Jensen does seem a bit confused as to where he should bring Dean emotionally this season (don’t get me wrong, I do NOT believe Dean is OOC; OOC is a completely different concept vs expected character behaviour). And if Dean’s consistently romance-coded past interactions with Cas are any indication, Jensen would also — in the same vein as all of us — want Dean and Cas to start getting their shit together. Long-running fictional characters like Dean and Cas, conceived over 10 years, are so well-written to the point where you, the author, can predict what they’ll do even if you just plop both of them inside a room and give them no direction, and I personally feel that nowadays Jensen is prevented from achieving Dean’s further internal growth/unsure how to act in the moment because of some dumb SBL scripts saying one thing while his character’s heart says another. Wank aside—

Season 15 should hopefully convey a much more logical subtextual perspective e.g. unbelievably amazingly cohesive Season Destiel 11 that aired after choppy S10. Not all hope is lost!! I also want to clarify that I personally LOVED Season 14 in general. It’s been mostly Emotion-centric constant, with Yockey, Berens, Perez, and Dabb usually making my top-rank SPN writer list.

Currently the narrative’s still allowing pretty significant (imho) wiggle room for the lovers to fracture apart and get back together, where their miscommunication comes to a dramatic head. We just saw Dean and Cas argue over Jack’s well-being in 14x18 and 19. Dean — besides putting Cas at the top of his You’re-Dead-to-Me-Because-You-Lied-but-I-Still-Love-You-Goddammit hitlist (for clear spousal-coded reasons) and taking Cas’ actions to heart (he’s the person he trusted the most who lied to him) — no doubt blamed himself for what happened, and Sam was, like I said, the mouthpiece of truth. TFW were all culpable. They all failed Jack in some way, shape, or form.

I’m not expecting anything for 14x20, but I’m nervous either way! Thanks for sticking with my long answer

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel: Season 10 - A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 10 Summary Analysis

Dean becomes a demon and goes on an extended vacation with Crowley. Cas is dying because his temporary grace is waning, but he still does whatever he can to save Dean. Cas has a chance to connect with a fellow angel, Hannah, but he gives that up in favor of helping the Winchesters. Cas embraces his humanity more and more throughout the season, taking a particular interest in helping Claire Novak. Cas also works tirelessly with Sam to figure out a way to save Dean from the Mark of Cain. Dean has trouble forgiving himself for what he does while under the influence of the Mark, and his self-loathing grows over the course of the season. Dean resigns himself to his fate, and after Charlie’s death, he goes off the deep end, almost killing Cas.

My interpretation: Dean and Cas both have people who develop affection for them (Crowley and Hannah, respectively), but neither one of them reciprocate because they’re hung up on each other. Castiel’s experience being human the previous season helps him make space to more fully embrace his connection to humanity, and his desire to be there for Claire ties him to Earth more than ever before. Cas also grows continually more distant from heaven as the season progresses. Dean‘s self-hatred and resignation about the Mark of Cain close him off from the people who love him, but he is able to resist killing Cas because of the deep connection they share.

10.01 Black

While talking on the phone with Sam, Cas says he misses Dean.

Crowley has grown attached to Dean during their extended vacation, but Dean doesn’t reciprocate those feelings.

Cas demonstrates his love for humanity while speaking with Hannah: “Well, perhaps I’ve been down here with them for too long. There’s seemingly nothing but chaos, but not all bad comes from it—art, hope, love, dreams.” “But those are human things.” “Yes.”

10.02 Reichenbach

When Cas finds out that Dean is a demon, he drops everything to help, even though Hannah doesn’t think it’s a good idea: “Castiel, I think the Winchesters are a bad influence on you.” “Sam and Dean may be a bit rough around the edges, but they’re the best men I’ve ever known. And they’re my friends.”

Crowley makes a joke about the nature of his relationship with Dean: “It’s over. What can I say? Crazy ones, well, they’re good for a fling, but they’re just not relationship material.”

10.03 Soul Survivor

Cas explains his desire to help the Winchesters, looking forlorn as he speaks of Dean’s current state: “Sam is alone in this. He’s attempting to change Dean from demon to human with a cure of sanctified blood, but there’s no guarantee that will work. If it doesn’t, then Dean is gone, and the demon must be dealt with.”

Hannah has grown attached to Castiel as they’ve been traveling together, but Cas doesn’t reciprocate her feelings: “Um, Hannah, you know this road we’re on, it’s dangerous.” “Alright.” “Um, we can’t afford to lose our way.” “I know that. I’m sorry about the map.” “No detours of ANY kind.” “Castiel, if these are metaphors and you’re attempting another human communication, it isn’t working.” “I’m just trying to say that this mission is everything.” “I know that.” “Getting to Dean and hunting these rogues... I’m not at full capacity, so I... we need total focus.” “Like a laser. Got it.” “Just, I’ve been around humans for long enough to see how easily distractions occur.” “Distractions...” “Emotions, feelings, they’re dangerous temptations.” “How very biblical, Castiel.” “I don’t mean to be unkind.” “You don’t need to be kind.” “I just... I’m trying to keep our priorities clear.” “Not to worry, then. I’m very clear on my priorities, and yours.”

Cas understands Dean’s point of view more clearly than Sam does: “Even after I gave him all that blood, he still said he didn’t want to be cured, that he didn’t want to be human.” “Well, I see his point. You know, only humans can feel real joy, but also such profound pain. This is easier.”

Cas visits Dean’s room to check on him, and Dean appreciates his presence: “You look terrible.” “You know, it wouldn’t kill ya to lie every now and again.” “No, it wouldn’t kill me, I just... you...” “Forget it. Well you, on the other hand, you... lookin’ good. So, are you back?” “At least temporarily. Yeah, it’s a long story—Crowley, stolen grace, there’s a female outside in the car... another time.” “Well, thank you for, um, steppin’ in when you did.”

Cas helps make Dean feel better about how he treated Sam as a demon: “I’m glad you’re here, man.” “Hey, maybe you should, um, take some time before you get back to work—allow yourself to heal. It’s, uh, I don’t know... timing might be right. Heaven and hell, they seem reasonably back in order. It’s quiet out there.”

10.05 Fan Fiction

Destiel is mentioned when we find out that the musical actors playing Dean and Cas (Siobhan and Kristen) are a couple in real life. Sam is amused by it, even joking about a pairing of him and Cas, but it makes Dean uncomfortable.

10.07 Girls, Girls, Girls

Hannah flirts with Cas and makes him feel flustered.

Hannah kisses Cas in order to convince her vessel’s husband that she left him for another man, but then she decides to leave her vessel and return to heaven, explaining Castiel’s influence on her: “Being on Earth, working with you, I’ve felt things, human things—passions, hungers, to shower, feel water on my skin, to get closer to you. But all of that was nothing compared to what I get when I saw him, her husband—his anger and grief. And Caroline was inside of me, screaming out for him, for her life back. These feelings, they aren’t for me, for us. They belong to her. I know it’s time to step aside. Goodbye, Castiel.”

10.09 The Things We Left Behind

Inspired by Hannah’s choice to take responsibility for how her actions have affected her vessel, Cas seeks out Claire Novak.  He explains that his worldview has changed: “Before, I was very self-assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path, it’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far to easy to do your worst.”

After Claire takes off, Cas calls Dean and Sam for help. Dean is reluctant at first, but agrees to help when he sees how important it is to Cas. When Dean gives Cas some advice, Cas demonstrates how much respect he has for Dean: “Alright, so spill. What’s with the family reunion?” “I dunno. Just been thinking about people. I’ve helped some, but I’ve hurt some.” “So you’re havin’ a mid-life crisis.” “Well, I’m extremely old. I think I’m entitled.” “Cas, listen to me. There’s some stuff you just gotta let go, k? The people you let down, the ones you can’t save, you gotta forget about ‘em, for your own good.” “That what you do?” “That’s the opposite of what I do, but I ain’t exactly a role model.” “That’s not true.”

Cas sees through Dean’s tough exterior: “How are you, Dean?” “Fine. I’m great.” “No, you’re not.” “Yeah, well, I’ve lost the black eyes, so that’s a plus, but I still have this.” “Is the Mark of Cain still affecting you? ...Dean?”

Dean confides in Cas and asks him to do what he knows Sam cannot do for him: “Cas, I need you to promise me something.” “Of course.” “If I do go darkside, you gotta take me out.” “What do you mean?” “Knife me, smite me, throw me into the freakin’ sun, whatever. And don’t let Sam get in the way, because he’ll try. I can’t go down that road again, man. I can’t be that thing again.”

10.10 The Hunter Games

Claire calls Cas out for defending Dean after his massacre: “Dean Winchester’s a monster.” “It’s possible there’s a little monster in all of us.” “You want me to trust you, and the fact that you’d even try to defend him just proves to me that I can’t.”

Dean expresses concern for Claire on Castiel’s behalf, and Cas asks him for help with her again: “Listen, man, if I could make it better, I would.” “That’s actually why I’m here. I was hoping you might reach out to her.” “Me?” “Yes.” “Seriously, I’m probably the last person she would wanna hear from.” “I thought there would be a connection. One extremely messed up human to another, you could explain why you murdered her only friend.” “Oh, well yeah, when you put it like that.” “All I know is she won’t talk to me. I thought if she understood the kind of man Randy was and the danger she was in, she might...” “What the hell? Why not? Long shots seem to be the theme around here.”

10.14 The Executioner’s Song

When Dean returns after defeating Cain, he entrusts the First Blade to Cas.

10.16 Paint it Black

Dean goes to confession and admits he doesn’t want to die, that he hasn’t experienced life to the fullest extent that he would like to: “Recent events, uh, make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And I don’t know, I mean, you know, there’s things, there’s people, feelings that I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.”

10.17 Inside Man

Against the express wishes of Hannah and the other angels, Cas teams up with Sam to break Metatron out of Heaven, choosing Dean over heaven yet again.

10.18 Book of the Damned

Cas refuses to forgive Metatron for what he did to Dean: “I thought we were having a moment. Can’t we be besties?” “No. Because you killed my friend.” “Oh, Dean is fine, mostly. Can’t you get past that?” “Never.”

Dean is happy to see Cas when he returns to the bunker: “Good to have you back, pal.”

10.19 The Werther Project

While Dean is under a spell, his subconscious (in the form of Benny) tries to convince him to kill himself by bringing up the possibility of hurting those around him, naming Cas before Sam: “What, you just wanna wait for the Mark to reclaim you? Go out swingin’, die topside, then what? Maybe kill a few humans? Kill Cas? Kill your brother?” “You gonna get Sam and Cas to put you down? You really think they’re gonna keep that agreement? Come on. Dean, let’s say they do. Do you think that they will ever recover from that? It will ruin them.”

10.20 Angel Heart

When Cas calls the boys for help with Claire, Dean questions whether his presence is a good idea, and Cas insists he needs him there: “I need help from both of you. You were both troubled teens. You speak her language.”

Cas uses his stern dad voice on both Claire and Dean: “No fighting.” “Yeah, tell HER that.” “BOTH of you.”

Dean and Claire grow closer and become friends.

10.21 Dark Dynasty

Cas agrees to help Sam go behind Dean’s back to crack the Book of the Damned, saying he’ll do it “for Dean.”

10.22 The Prisoner

Rowena notices how rare Cas is for choosing humans over heaven: “You’re just fascinating. An angel that rejected heaven, that’s like a fish that wants to fly or a dog that thinks he’s people.” “Well, I’m a lot like people.” “Keep telling yourself that, dear.”

After Dean kills all the Stynes, Cas tries to stop him, explaining that his perspective on the situation is unique: “Maybe you could fight the Mark for years, maybe centuries, like Cain did, but you cannot fight it forever. And when you finally turn, and you will turn, Sam and everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I’m the one who will have to watch you murder the world, so if there’s even a small chance that we can save you, I won’t let you walk out of this room.” “Oh, you think you have a choice.” “I think the Mark is changing you.” “You’re wrong.” “Am I? Because the Dean Winchester I know would never have murdered that kid.”

When Cas tries to stop Dean from leaving, Dean beats him to a bloody pulp. Dean gets close to killing him, but resists the urge at the last second: “No, Dean. Please...”