#but i legitimately do not think i have ever seen a man in real life with press on nails and

[brionnnne]

I watched the MV for Flamingo today, finally, and I feel like a changed woman in a way — there is something about a man with Hands Like That wearing long acrylic nails that just ... let me tell you, it certainly Does.

[herejusttosufferalong]

ust when I start to feel like I have a grip on what happened with the part 2 premiere and papgate, I learn or remember something that completely throws me. I feel like I need to lay out some evidence for my own mental clarity. 

I had a bad feeling something was brewing the night of the London premiere before the BackGrid pictures came out based on L’s energy on the red carpet. Here is evidence that SOMETHING was up.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRoTmvL4/ People have focused on how cute this is of N and LT, but it’s telling that LT and Claudia form a little huddle of love around her and Hannah joins in. People were feeling very protective of N that night. I can almost imagine LT whispering in her ear, “How are you doing?” and Nic saying with a smile plastered on her face, “He brought her.”

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRoT9dYE/ Some interpret this as Golda smirking at the lovebirds, but I have never seen anything other than pure disdain in her expression. She is thinking “You motherfucker” and you can’t convince me otherwise. 

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNbowwQu/ I was reminded of this clip here a few days ago and holy shit. Sam and Joanna are protectively huddled around N, the expression on Sam’s face as he looks directly at L is…not friendly, and I totally see the “stupid arse” thing. That’s not to mention L, who legitimately looks like he’s going to throw up. He is paranoid they are talking about him and, guess what, they are. 

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRoTvvuH/ Let’s not forget this little dig. N is too classy to reveal anything outright, but her response feels so pointed and L’s reaction is so awkward.  

A few more random thoughts about the night:

I can’t find clips right now that illustrate this, but I remember noticing that L was constantly flicking his eyes upwards throughout the red carpet. He was hyperconscious of the fact that A was watching him from up in that glass box AND that N and the cast knew A was up there.

It struck me recently that I hadn’t seen any pictures or videos of C or LT with LN on this red carpet. LN had a hug with HD and there were those documented moments with Simone, but I would find it very telling if we couldn’t find a single pic or video of C interacting with LN that night. Happy to be proved wrong on this one #showittomeRachel.

I know the official story is that N left the afterparty early because she started filming TMFT the next day, but let’s be real. This was the final event for HER season of Bton. This is a project she loves and a cast that she cares deeply about. If she had wanted to shut the party down, she would have. 

So far, all of this awkwardness could be explained simply by A’s presence and nothing at all related to the paparazzi. The thing that is still SO suspicious to me that makes me think L knew the paparazzi would be there when he left the party is that he was the last to leave the party. Think about everything you have ever read/heard about L in social situations. That sort of gathering is absolutely not his scene. He’s talked about how much he loves an Irish Goodbye. I also feel like it’s sort of cringey to be the last one at a party like that, especially if all of the other main actors have left, including your costar. Why would he have waited until literally everyone else had gone if not because he didn’t want anyone else around for the pap pics? I know people really don’t want to believe L was involved because it is shitty to think about, but I think there are too many odd things that stack up for him to have been blindsided by it. 

The thing that haunts me is that he seemed AWKWARD about everything that transpired that night. This was not a man who felt confident and in control of his life decisions. If this was meant to be the hard launch of a girlfriend, a million different things could have happened. He could have told interviewers how excited he was to have his mom, sister, and gf with him for the event. He could have put his arm around A, grabbed her hand, smiled at the camera, kissed A’s cheek, etc. while the cameras were flashing.

So, that leaves me convinced of two things: Luke knew the paparazzi would be there AND he didn’t want to be photographed with A (at least in a way that would confirm a serious relationship). After tossing around different explanations in my mind, here is what I have come up with.

L is a serial monogamist who really struggles to be alone. He kept A around during the WT because it gave him comfort and a feeling of power to know he had a romantic partner. This would have been important to him for various possible reasons: maybe N was attached to someone during this time and he didn’t want to be the single one; maybe N had rejected his advances and he wanted to seem unbothered; maybe neither he nor N had made a move on each other but he was feelings things towards N he didn’t know how to cope with and A was a distraction. Regardless, he kept A in the picture, though their relationship obviously had a LOT of asterisks surrounding it. He invited her to the premiere at a time when he was feeling especially insecure (for any of the reasons I mentioned above). In his mind, it was going to feel good to have her there. And I think at some point right before the premiere, she convinced him they needed to launch the relationship. If it’s true that something had been going on between them since the fall, then it had been at least eight months of her letting him keep her hidden in the shadows while he flirted shamelessly with his gorgeous soulmate–I mean costar–for the world to see. He agreed to this at a time when he wasn’t secure in whatever he and N had and couldn’t find a compelling reason to say no to A’s request. 

But I think he underestimated two things:

1) How shitty it would feel to have A at the premiere as his date after getting so close to N in those last few legs of the tour. I think Ireland especially shifted something and he realized not just how much N meant to him but, very importantly, how much he meant to N.

2) How much N would care about A’s presence. I think N must have played it very cool about A during the tour. Either didn’t really acknowledge her or brought her up in a casual way to show she was unbothered. But I think the sequence of Brazil, Toronto, and especially Ireland hit N hard and she became emotionally invested in (and available to?) L in a way that she hadn’t let herself be before. I’m not sure she said anything to him, but I think they could both feel it. A’s presence at the prem ended up feeling like a slap in the face to N in a way that L did not anticipate. 

I think L initially thought that having A at the premiere would be a confidence boost, but having her there backfired. He didn’t realize how awkward and embarrassed he would feel by A’s presence. When it’s just L and A  or when they’re with R and S, L doesn’t feel as self-conscious about things like A’s age, her SM antics, her unseriousness. But when he, N, and A are all in the same space, the silliness of his relationship with A and the differences between N and A really hits him. Frankly (and I don’t say this to be cruel to A), I think he feels mortified about N witnessing his relationship with A up close and personal. So I think what we’re witnessing at the red carpet and in the pap pics is a man who committed to a plan (inviting A and setting up the pics) at a time when he felt a) insecure in his connection with N, 2) unaware of how much N cared about him, and 3) unaware of how much he would care about N’s opinion of him (sorry, that’s convoluted). We know he is not a decisive person, so he let this nightmare scenario play out and is now living with the consequences of his passivity. 

That is ALL TO SAY: I think it’s possible to believe that L was involved with the pap pics AND that he cares about N/didn’t want to hurt her/is totally in love with her. Anyone else out there who feels like it’s possible to hold these two truths in your head at once?

so this is more of a take I saw floating around in the wake of it all

curious to see how it lands with y'all now

[frigidwife]

i would like to ask ur opinion on this bc u are one of maybe 5-6 iwtv blogs that i trust and i don't know if i am simply biased but i think u are very thoughtful and fair in ur analysis of iwtv. because even among self-proclaimed louis lovers/understanders, i have seen the idea that louis "could not and would not" save claudia from the fire, or choose her over armand, or that louis was also abusive to claudia if not the Most abusive, or that he "let" lestat/armand destroy her. and i agree that louis failed claudia in some ways (though saying that feels much too vague at this point) and that liking characters doesn't mean apologizing for their flaws and i understand the reflex to spotlight claudia's mistreatment as many fans are so quick to dismiss her importance. but i think people get so caught up in emphasizing claudia's tragedy that they end up falling into victim-blaming rhetoric and ironically de-legitimizing really important aspects of her character and impact. so i wanted to ask though, how do you think louis actually did fail claudia? and should we call claudia's death louis' failure?

ty for valuing my opinion 🥹 i agree w you completely people emphasize claudia's tragedy at total expense of her personality...which sucks bc i love her personality...i think louis actually primarily failed claudia in the exact way that every single parent fails their child. if you've read frankenstein it's about the inherent monstrosity of creation--inherent hubris of creating something whether it's a creature, a work of art (the novel itself!), or a child (shelley's miscarriages and her relationship with her parents haunt the novel). you create something that is a part of you and a mirror of you, you confer your expectations as naturally as breathing, even with the best of intentions, but now the creature/novel/child exists outside of you, outside of your body and your imagination, autonomous, with desires and effects you couldn't have dreamt of, and there is something terrifying and painful in that chasm even in the best of conditions. and this is more broadly true of loving anyone. and in that sense i don't think louis's turning of claudia is really more selfish than having a child ever is. it's not an aberrant or evil desire. so that's one layer.

and then the next layer is the conditions. louis cannot stop seeing claudia as his daughter, even if he calls her sister. she'll always be his daughter. and again this is an almost fundamental condition of being a parent. even if ur parents make an effort--and louis is making an effort--to see you as equals, that foundation is underlying it and can't come undone. the problem is that normally, even if maybe you're always a baby to your mom deep down, you're also functionally an adult in the real world. but claudia is an adult who is constantly belittled and condescended to and treated as a child from all corners. so she goes from louis who can't see her as her own person because he cant stop being her parent to an outside world that can't see her as her own person bc it's structured to deny children's autonomy, and girls' in particular, and especially black girls'. AND THEN the abuse. “you chose lestat over her again and again” i think people take daniel as word of god a lot even when the show has demonstrated that daniel is less than careful talking and thinking about abuse, when it comes to both louis and claudia. Louis chooses to take lestat back, can’t kill him for good, chooses to commit to armand, tells her to put up with the coven’s abuse. those are choices that hurt claudia terribly. but they also exist in the context of abuse. over two decades of debilitating destroying violence and then a new man who tracks him down and dangles his and claudia’s life over him as penalty from the jump. louis is constantly calculating risk based on what they’ve experienced and the same way claudia’s trauma drives her into the waiting arms of a cult, louis’s means he sees enduring as his strongest means of survival . and even from before that from keeping his family afloat under jim crow —performance, self sacrifice at the expense of closeness with grace and paul; using “weakness to rise”. so when louis tells claudia to endure its bc he cannot imagine a way out. which is a failure sure and something claudia can and does resent him deeply for but is entirely and categorically different from what lestat and armand inflict on her . his “choosing armand” is never really about him liking armand particularly it’s him deciding he knows what’s best for both of them—again seeing claudia as his child—to the extent that he won’t even tell her about armand knowing their secret.

this isn’t selfless it’s foolish it’s prideful but the story very clearly is not Louis picking a man over his daughter. (claudia calls out what he wants in a companion in 2.01—“if he can’t call you pretty and take you ballroom dancing” Armand won’t even light his cigarette). i think people have constructed this narrative which funnily enough is the exact same one armand uses to gaslight louis with in 2.05 ("you threw around her name for cover, but you always went back to talking about him" or something like that). Which is really obviously a victim blaming narrative lol like the amount of joke posts that r essentially saying Maybe if louis wasn’t so cock hungry his daughter wouldn’t be dead. Okay?? i think its absolutely fucking insane to call her death louis's particular failure when she was lynched. by armand

and you can tell by episode 6 claudia has realized louis isn’t picking armand over her. her frustration with him is with this martyrdom that she never asked for or wanted, that clearly isn’t “you and me” either. Like you cannot tell me she believes “imagine me without the burden of her” means louis is happy and relieved to see her go Bc she’s not stupid and she’s seen him happy before. If she really thought he meant something like that she wouldn’t behave towards him as she does in the rest of ep 6 and doing the trial. completely ignoring her personality

there is also a hopefully really small subset of people who think pointing out how patriarchy works Is gender essentialism who posit louis as the primary perpetrator of misogynoir in order to justify their fundamental queer human right to call lestat femme . and then expect pats on the back for acknowledging #intersectionality . which is. absurd.

[weebsinstash]

Now don't get me wrong, I like how... calm and unbothered Alastor is, or at least tries to pass himself off as being

but like.... we know he's a drinker.... and we know certain details about him having an alcoholic abusive father who was cruel to his mother which heavily influenced his whole Dexter serial killer morality bs... and I can't help but think of a fic idea where Reader and Alastor are together and, suddenly without warning you break up with him BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON HIM. you're like, legitimately heartbroken and missing him but you broke up for a good reason and, time passes and you dont see or hear from him, you're basically just going on with your life, and, MEANWHILE HE'S JUST SLOWLY DEVOLVING IN A PATHETIC LITTLE MEOW MEOW

His radio show comes on and he's SLURRING and people are aghast. Alastor is usually such a classy gentleman, so careful with his image??? Meanwhile he's in his radio station with several glasses of whiskey and staring at a wall lined with your photos while he's broadcasting, "ohhhh hEeeEy LiSteNers!! How-how are you all doing this.... 😡LOVELY😤 evening. Isnt..... isn't it... so nice to... spend time with loved ones when you need them? 🥴 WELL I WOULDNT KNOW HA HAH HA" *cue 30 straight uninterrupted seconds of unhinged laughing from a man clearly having an emotional crisis* "so on tonightsssshow I was-i wasszzz hoping to-to discussss-"

Like imagine tuning into his show after avoiding it because it broke your heart and it turns from him like, having an actual topic and planned structure of his show, to then, one day you overhear a broadcast and he's just occasionally slurring, saying really really vague shit about how "real men are supposed to be strong enough to protect and hold onto those they hold dear" and you can occasionally hear the THUNK of his whiskey glass hitting the table meaning he's already drunk but still drinking WHILE broadcasting and, oh honey you already sound so wasted you don't need more--

You guys don't understand. I want this man having a very PUBLIC very MESSY mental breakdown because he was CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU and you sat him down and told him you love him deeply but you need sex and you've cheated on him REPEATEDLY and EVEN THEN he was HARDCORE COPING, "w well as long as you promise it won't happen again-" "I cant and i won't. I love you but i cant repress this part of myself" LIKE YOU DECIMATE THIS MAN. Alastor's just beside himself because like, not without valid feelings but you're basically dumping him to fuck strangers. Like. I just. What if he literally had a ring box or was starting to realize he's demisexual on the ace spectrum and was starting to have Those Feelings for you and you're just. Breaking up with him, and all he hears is "sorry but having these disgusting men I don't even know hunch over on me grunting like disgusting animals and defiling me who is definitely way too good for them is way better than being with you my respectful funny classy charming totally-not-husband"

I want you to be walking down the streets of Hell and Vox suddenly comes on their equivalent of a jumbotron and he's visibly beside himself with excitement, "BREAKING NEWS, THE RADIO DEMON IS PISS DRUNK IN THE GUTTER LIKE A FUCKING LOSER, MORE NEWS ON THE SCENE" and it just snap cuts to him facedown in the street somewhere. Have you ever seen Intervention. You can have grown ass adults with successful careers and loving communities and when they find something that breaks them you'll be seeing shit like, children finding their mothers literally passed out in the yard because they were too drunk to get into the house or even WALK properly. So. You just. See him in this legitimately pathetic absolutely humiliating state and you can't help but feel that that's YOUR fault, meanwhile Vox is living his best fucking life, GOD FORBID VOX SEES YOU STANDING THERE CRYING ON THE SIDEWALK, he's then broadcasting your crying face all over Hell, "Hey Alastor even your EX is CRYING AT HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE, GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY LEFT YOU HUH" and like. The live feed of Alastor shows him just, struggling to even lift his head to look up to, wherever, and see your image there, looking absolutely devastated, looking at him with pity and heartbreak. oh, his sweet beloved, looking so distressed because you see him so weak...

Vox is just living it up mocking both of you but he's made several enormous mistakes by putting you on the air, especially looking like THAT, especially with Alastor in this mental state, and ESPECIALLY to mock you when you're already looking so broken. The feed cuts. All the TVs read "LOST SIGNAL" and nothing comes back on the news for the rest of the night. Less than a week later, the radios are on again, and Alastor sounds... completely back to normal? Chipper, even? And at first you're happy to hear he's all good and well, but, there's something about some of the things he's saying that are making you a little.... nervous?

"You know folks, it took me an EMBARRASSINGLY long while to realize that, a true traditional man puts the needs of others above himself, and especially the needs of his special somebody! One can't truly care for one's loved one properly if you're too boggled down with, FEELING SORRY for yourself right? How else are you going to... defend what's yours if you just lie down and take it?"

"So while I was off the air, good listeners, I was doing quite a bit of, spring cleaning, let's call it! Yes, I was... unfortunately very busy, having to wrangle up quite a few.... disgusting, insignificant, dirty, thieving PERVERTS!!!! ....but now that that's all good and done with, I'd certainly like to think these streets are a little more... respectable!"

"To end the broadcast tonight, a final word to all my fellow men out there. If you happen to discover that, for whatever reason, your beloved has run off with another? It was because you deserved it for being WEAK. You allowed another man to just, COME IN and... DESECRATE what is precious to you? Disgraceful. Pathetic. Ill-mannered. You cannot call yourself a worthy partner if you simply allow your beloved to waltz themselves into the mouth of danger, can you? So, a little piece of advice from your humble host here tonight: Take back what is yours. Take them back, do not let them go, and do not let anyone EVER soil your love ever again. ........Also hey! Don't forget that the annual Cannibal District Cook-Out is this coming weekend so be sure to--"

[rat-rambles]

I'm gona explain to yall why I think Stanley is the one that's ace aro in cannon and not Ford or Bill. (Yes all head cannons are vaild blah blah I love acearo people I am one don't kill me)

So basically it comes down to if stan wanted some he could. Young stan seems to be considered relatively conventional attractive (not like ugly men don't mange to hook up but still) and even as a "ugly" old man he is the hottest old person in town befor Ford shows up and. Once he gets over his social awkwardness he is actually able to date he just isn't about that life. "What about Stanley's ex wife's" I hear you scream at your screens well thanks to Bill I have notes.

Thank you bill now could be lieing yes but frankly I don't think his god Alex would let that happen for something like this. Especially becuse it's way funnier if it's all cannon. Now I think 2 of them can be considered legitimate and there not exactly romantic are they. Stanley is well known to care more about money than any romantic relationship witch dosnt sound like some one who's not aro to me. I'll give that there are a couple jokes pokeing wholes in my theroy however personaly any atemps at straightness by stan just feel very performative to me. Like there's something a whole easy to about how stans masculinity is just a reaction to incurity but all I'll say for now is stan is despite to prove he's not a failure and part of growing up in the 80s and not being a failure is geting bitches. And yet he can't comit to a relationship for more than a few days and it's not for commitment isues bitch comited to a fucking portal for 30 years AFTER NEARLY FAILING HIGHSCHOOL. As I said if he wanted to he would.

Now I'm going to go on a long rant about Bill and Ford so if you don't want that stop now

Ok for the record staring off bill and ford are both unreliable narrators.

Ford (my first victim)

We've seen him get rejected twice in the show when he trying to flirt with girls the more famous one being when he gets punch thrown on him. Ford is a very scentive guy he can't handle rejection obvouly he's gona wax poetic about how it's not that he can't get any he's just you know so very busy. Funny how he's not busy when Bill comes into his life or fiddleford for that matter it's almost like that's not the problem

Now I can see how you can read this qa acearo core but all I hear is the autism talking. There is something intently funny to me about the idea that he stright up was dating a male sided demon and is like but am I gay. It's very conservative up bring of him very relatable. But seriously if he was ace aro he'd just lean into being superior not what ever this is.

Bill ( he wouldn't escape me)

Same thing yeah he wax poetic about chemicals witch yeah is something ace aros do but also like incels.

He literally is just asking dear not to ask him out a real problem when every freak reading this book wants to make out with him sorry Bill your hot shit.

The book is shaking you by the shoulders begging you to tell that he's lieing for clout. Bill is also begging you to take him seriously and he can't be serious if he can't even get any becuse he's a unlikeable losser.

Like I'm sorry guys the text just dosnt suport these 2 being acearo this is not the show for ace aro rep I'm sorry. This show is actually really really really obsessed with romantic relationships it's a well Alex keeps going back to witch is why I'm so sure about stanly becuse he's like the one character who actively rejects dating instead of just saying he's into into it. ITS GRAVITY FALLS EVERYONES A FUCKING LIAR.

[feralgodmothers]

I think I cracked it you guys. A part of why Elvis (2022) has such a hold on me (and why you should watch it too if you haven’t already).

The first time I watched it, I didn’t really have any expectations - I wasn’t a fan of Elvis, because my mother hated him, and I grew up without any real exposure to him or his music. I also wasn’t a fan of Baz Luhrmann, because I found his directing style to be too over-the-top, chaotic, and truthfully - obnoxious. So neither of those two big names attached to it were a draw-in for me. And on top of that, I didn’t know Tom Hanks was in it, and I didn’t know who Austin Butler was - not to mention there’s been an abundance of music biopics lately. The only thing that captured my attention was how accurately the trailer portrayed the fangirl spirit. I was like ‘Yeah, that’s exactly what it’s like. I can relate to that’, lol. So with that being the only thing that held my interest, I put it on and just shrugged and thought ‘Who knows, this might be fun’.

I was completely blown away.

I had seen a few clips of Elvis prior to this at some point in my life, so I had just enough reference in my memory to go on while I watched Austin do his thing, and he nailed it. It took no time at all for you to feel like you were actually watching Elvis Presley, not just some guy playing him. Austin Butler was flawless - he’s received a tremendous amount of praise for his performance, and quite frankly - I don’t think there could ever be enough praise for what he was able to accomplish here. It is one of the best performances of all time, and that is no exaggeration. It was so exciting - the amount of movie magic (that’s been sorely lacking from films lately) was on full display here, and it gave me new life. I felt a real connection to a completely different era in our history, a connection to a whole other generation of people/fans, and to a music legend that I knew almost nothing about, and who pop culture had twisted into some mythical caricature of himself. This film accomplishes so much, and I was caught up in a whirlwind of something truly eye-opening and magical. The main takeaway I had from my first time viewing was pure excitement and adrenaline, from just being transported somewhere else entirely, both emotionally and spiritually, and from unlearning some misconceptions I had about Elvis Presley. And, as a bonus, I now had a new celebrity crush in Austin Butler (and we all know - stumbling across someone new to thirst over will always be a profound part of the fangirl experience, lol).

The second time I watched it, I was going in still riding that high that I felt - and I was ready to immerse myself into full, thirsty fangirl mode. And obviously I did thirst - but by the end of the film, I was so incredibly emotional. I cried so much, and felt so sad. Of course, I felt sad by the end the first time I watched it too - Elvis died tragically early, and the way the movie highlighted his final performance was so effectively heartbreaking and moving. But I think the more positive feelings I had experienced before had prevented me from sinking too low into my feelings. But by that second viewing, man… the dam just broke, and I was legitimately mourning this man. I’m not kidding when I say this is probably the best biopic I’ve ever seen, and possibly one of the best movies period that I’ve ever seen. I cannot express strongly enough how much it truly resonates with me.

Anyway, my whole point in saying that I cracked it, I say as a fangirl through-and-through - I think the two biggest impacts that can ignite a fangirl’s spirit into a full, dazzling and glorious blaze is: thirst and heartbreak. And this movie provided both of those things in spades. It’s so beautiful to watch - Austin’s beautiful, the storytelling is beautiful, the cinematography is beautiful, the care, dedication, and craft is beautiful. To me, it is absolutely perfect, and it has completely taken over my mind, heart, and soul. I cannot recommend this film highly enough. It is everything to me right now, and the more people who are willing to give it a chance and enjoy it, the better.

[13thdoctorposts]

Sometimes it’s important to know when to let a show go. 

When 13 regenerated into 14 and had her clothes burnt off like a witch on a stake, sending a horrible message about women and gender RTD came out and said he did it to protect David from right wing media. Then the fans defended David coming back and that RTD would address why he had that face and why the clothes also regenerated, although I was upset with 13s regeneration I thought ok I’ll wait and see how this get handles. Because even though I don’t like the real world messaging maybe the in world messaging will be enough to make it ok.

But then what happens? We get a trans story for the very first story with very positive messaging for trans issues which is great but undermined by the fact RTD wanted to protect David from gender critiques by the right wing but didn’t seem to want to protect Yasmin Finney. So first David can’t wear Jodies costume for protection but then RTD has Yasmin live through being deadnamed in the show which she herself has said made her uncomfortable and then also gave her character the line of telling the Doctor to not assume pronouns… which any of the characters could have done but RTD chose Rose and then what happen? What always happens with the right wing, the pronoun line and the male presenting line are the ones that the right wing all go on about in every video, in every article… they deadname the character and then misgender and say horrible things about Yasmin… so RTD protects the 50+ year old white man who’s worn way more feminine things then 13 outfit in his career the media could use if they wanted to go after him but don’t protect the 20 year old Trans Woman? How people aren’t talking about how fucked up that is I don’t know.

Then we get no reason why the Doctor has that face and why the clothes regenerated on them. Then in their own regeneration… they don’t! They bi-regenerates and this time Ncuti does get the Doctor clothes, well half of them… why didn’t 15 regenerate with their own clothes? No instead we have the new Doctor walking around with no pants on… and why is it that 15 has to go pantless and not David? are we protecting David again? Perfectly fine to have a bunch of pics of 15 in his tighty whities and no pants but again David could not be seen in 13s full gender neutral outfit. 

Then to top all this off theres no mention in the loves lost of Yaz… even though the Doctor chose to drop her off in a park 3 days ago after telling her if they could Date anyone it would be Yaz… is that not love lost? Was saying good bye to Yaz not an emotional trigger? Now people are saying thats because only the dead were brought up… Rose is not dead unlike Yaz Rose is not only alive in another Dimension but also got herself a Doctor… Yaz currently is mourning the Doctor while they cant even seem to remember she existed despite dropping her off 3 days a go… so they weren’t all dead… however Rose was over 1000 years ago and Yaz 3 days ago… what hurts more the lost of someone you loved but who is still alive from 50 years ago or the one you lost last week? What makes logical sense is the love you lost most recently hurts the most… and people dont need to die for you to hurt losing them from your life if you love them.

Now we have 2 Doctors and people are already saying they can’t wait for David Tennant episodes, so if you think the 10th Doctor overshadowed the other Doctors when he was no longer the Doctor how overshadowed do you think the first main Doctor of colour is going to be when lots of peoples favourite white Doctor ever is also a legitimate Doctor in universe existing at the exact same time with a TARDIS? Ncuti doesn’t event get to be the only Doctor during his tenure he has to share it with David.  

The lastly no mentions of Yaz at all… seems shes completely forgotten and at the very end the Doctor says they are finally with their family the happiest he’s ever been… what a diss of every TARDIS team ever that the Doctor has found family with… your last crew you literally called your ‘Fam’, the Ponds you actually married into… Susan was your flesh and blood… but no this family you haven’t seen in 1000 years, of which only one of who was part of your TARDIS team are the ones you finally found family with and make you the happiest you’ve ever be? Literally at the exact same time the Doctor is sitting at that table saying all of that, Yaz is mourning the Doctor and not wanting to have left the TARDIS, but she doesn’t get a mention because for some reason if it’s a wlw relationship it means nothing and can be ignored completely. 

Honestly by the end the Doctor just seems like a complete prick, and not in a 13 I’m dealing with internal trauma and I accidentally snapped way but just in a I’m a shit person way. Talk about compromised morals, people wouldn’t shut up about it with 13 but the Doctor just left a young woman to mourn them while being the “happiest they have ever been” grabbing themselves a new family and pretending Yaz doesn’t exist. Talk about shit morals. People say Chibs didn’t know anything from 12s era, which wasn’t true it directly affected the way 13 kept the fam at arms length but after watching this clearly RTD didn’t even know what happened in the episode 14 regenerated from 13 in and the previous episode Legend of the Sea Devils, because surely if you did, you wouldn’t not mention Yaz at all and give a reason why the Doctor wouldn’t go see her while she’s mourning them and just grabbing a new family and claiming to be the happiest you’ve ever been in the 2000 years of life you remember. Because that would make the character look like a prick, not a hero, which is exactly what happened. If RTD is the amazing writer people claim, he could have come up with a Yaz mention and a reason why the Doctor wasn’t going to see her.

I know not everyone was happy with the wlw representation with Thasmin but you know what’s way worse? Not even mentioning it or even acknowledging Yaz’s existence.

And to top it off I am so very very over the double standard of the fandom… this episode, had plot holes, had important things that weren’t explained… like why that face and why did the clothes regenerate… things that weren’t explained that weren’t so important like where did the sonic screw driver come from, why can it do all the things it now does… it had racism from both the Toymaker and Donna… what on earth was that line about ‘do you come in every colour’, was paced poorly, it clearly should have been longer and decided to mess with lore by creating bi-rengeration out of thin air and not explaining how it would effect things going forward or why it even happen, like a true WTF… if Chibs had done even one of these things, or wrote this episode the exact same way the fandom would be coming for him instead they are praising the genius of RTD not caring about any of those things, all the sins they claimed Chibs did and some of them on a bigger scale in this episode but the treatment of RTD is the polar opposite. 

It’s unbelievably hypocritical, and makes the fandom look even worse for being so hard on the first female Doctor because none of this was acceptable for her but its not only fine but great with a male Doctor.

So I think it’s time for me to let this show go, and know it’s time to bow out. Because unlike the people who have been horrible about 13 for the last 6 years I understand sometimes you have to step away from something you love when its no longer for you and leave it for other people to love.

Im out with 13.

[superfallingstars]

Hello, do you have any marauders fic recs? I’m a big marauders fan but I’m so tired of reading fics where they feel completely out of character, and I feel like you might know something I don’t

Aw man I’m the wrong person to ask for this, I don’t really read fics very often lol. I’ll try to enlist the help of some people whose Marauders opinions I trust and who might have better recs than me (tbh I’m also curious to hear), but I’ll share the few that I’ve come across, too. Apologies if you've already read them.

I think my most relevant rec is The Night Will Always Win by betweenfactandbreakfast, which is a canon-compliant Marauders era fic from 1975-1981. Admittedly I haven’t finished it – tbh I liked it so much that I had to stop reading it, which sounds so incredibly dumb now that I wrote it out, but I was legitimately getting pissed off that I had to do things in real life instead of reading it lmao. Time to take a step back...! Either way, I’ve really enjoyed it so far. And I’ve seen @seriousbrat's inbox turn into a battleground of endless Snape vs. Marauders discourse, so I know their feelings on the characters are pretty similar to mine lol (and hiii I know you have been in this fandom for much longer than I have, so maybe you have some good recommendations?). Basically this is a good fic if you want everyone to be a terrible person <3

The other fic I can rec is Have Your Cake and Eat It by cunegonde, aka my favorite fic of all time (that I could scream about literally foreverrrr but I’ll try to reel myself in!). This is a good fic if you want everyone to be a good person. Also this fic has time travel in it, so it’s like, kind of Marauders era, but not quite? Even though it’s kind of cliche, it’s also incredibly earnest and thoughtfully done, and it has interesting (and imo, realistic!) characterizations of each of the Marauders. Tbf I’m definitely biased toward this author’s work because they basically only write Snupin (my personal fave pairing), but reading their stuff is like, genuinely why are you writing Harry Potter fanfiction and not a full-length original novel, because holy fuck I think you could actually pull that off. Like, I loved this fic so much that I (person who doesn't read fanfic) immediately read everything else they wrote and finished it all in two days... Also this fic made me cry for literally an hour straight (probably the strongest emotional reaction I’ve had to any piece of media ever lol) – even though I knew what was coming. It was just that good.

Unfortunately that’s literally all I got lol. I’m going to tag some people who I think have similar takes on the Marauders as I do – @seriousbrat @remus-poopin @big-scary-bird @saintsenara – hiii, add on if you’d like. And anyone else who has recommendations of Marauders fics with good characterization, feel free to chime in!

[twilight-skies]

A copy of my liveblog on discord through the entire DSMP portion of Jack’s stream. If you can’t watch it, this give you the gist, and every piece of lore.

Okay I’m ready

Jacks getting himself into lore mode

“Wiki updaters get ready. Play some jump in the cadillac”

Surreal

Okay he just got distracted by a tweet apparently rosanna pansino is siccing the FBI on mr beast

It’s happening

HES IN PANDORAS VAULT

elder guardian jumpscare

My god the last time I saw this room technoblade was streaming

Disclaimer I was not interested at all in jacks pov so I will not be understanding any references to his own lore. Manishroom. Appears to hold emotional weight

“Wonder where all my friends are (opens tab) ……..oh. Guess I’m here alone.”

“Legitimately emotional. God this is so fuckin’ stupid bro…..I actually got sad. Toby gave me this mushroom on [my] very first day [on the server]”

Calls joining the dsmp as the beginning of the career he has now (affectionately)

Does not know how he got in this prison or how to get out. Trying to remember Sam’s secrets /hj

HES CALLING TOMMY OJ THE PHONE FOR HELP. Tommy is in the bathroom

The phone at the mic. We’re truly back

Jack lost a bet to Tubbo (You Laugh, You Loose) and that’s why he’s on the server now

Surprised that it survives intact to this day. “So I’m actually uh. Trapped in the prison. And I think [Tommy] had OP— not to spoil the illusion”

Tommy never sucked up enough for OP. He was a true bad boy

“Fuck me, man” -Tommy realizing he’s gotta log on to the dsmp

“It’s like looking a dead child in the eyes” -tommy

“Yeah I expected to laugh at that dead child! And now here I am feeling real remorse” -jack

“Oh, christ…….” -tommy getting on

Jack very nearly leaked the dream smp IP in the year of our lord 2024

Tommy was in fact getting ready for bed and has been thrust back into the horrors of his OC

I can’t tell if this horrid audio lag is legit or intentional for lore. The dsmp streamers have returned to gaslighting— oh no it’s legit he’s trying to fix it lmao

Tommy does not have OP on the dsmp but Toby does

Jack is ringing toby

Toby is not picking up

Near leak number 2

TUBBO ACQUIRED

Toby is coming

The DSMP remains a viewer spawnrate hack

The prison has been broken for ages

TUBBO ONLINE

“Everyone’s logging on to break me outta the prison. I gotta put on my lore music”

He has initiated his lore music

Toby is experiencing technical difficulties

Best lore stream ever

Discussing the ending. Mixed feelings on it

This server is so laggy

It will not let Tubbo in

Jack is mortified at pinging the DSMP discord server. However he is threatening to dm badboyhalo to get out of this place

TUBBO LOST HIS OP

toby has departed.

Bad is busy. Jack is dming a secret server operator guy that he hasn’t talked to in years

“We can at this point only pray”

“Get Phil do it” -chat

Jack is refusing. I would die. WAIT HE IS

SECRET GUY PULLED THROUGH

HE HAS BEEN TELEPORTED

WE ARE BACK

Man. The random messes in the sky…..

“IT WAS COOL?!” Jack seeing Las Nevadas

The lag is insane

I’m not being dramatic this is literally the first time I’ve ever seen the inside of the casino

Tommy has rejoined

I think they’re entering lore mode

It’s begun

Jack has canonically been alone at the casino this entire time

“We can make it canon that I’ve been here the whole time” -jack

“Chat, L’Manburg doesn’t exist anymore. We can’t go back there. Now let’s win big” -jack

He has semi broken the roulette wheel. He freaks out, like man who’s lived his life in solitude at that table for years. He walks outside. He gasps,

“Is that…t-t-t-tommy?” -c!jack

c!tommy has arrived.

c!tommy is asking “seriously, what happened”

c!jack is having him fix the wheel

All Jack cares about is the wheel. You can practically hear Tommy. They (characters) are back

He’s following tommy somewhere

“I have a house. It’s nice.” -c!tommy

c!Jack knows he could just take the money but he’s been surviving off the thrill of gambling

c!Tommy moved far away from the central zone. Brings back too much. Feels unreal seeing it again

“Joy, fun, sadness, pain, too much of it all” -c!tommy

They’re approaching the community house.

Oh my god

Are they going where I think they’re going

I know this path

I’m going to explode. Jack doesn’t know where they are

c!tommy doesn’t live here

“No. Oh god, no” - c!tommy at the idea of living here

HE COMES HERE A LOT THOUGH

Sidenote what’s crazy is the server remaining intact yet abandoned and tommy just living here in peace, with everyone just gone and jack being surprised to see him here, fits perfectly with my own headcanon of what happened to the group in the end

c!Jack jokes about buying c!techno’s house. Is told it’s techno’s house. Immediately, comedically, backtracks

c!Technoblade doesn’t even live here but c!jack knows to still put respect on that man’s name

He calls techno living here ‘cultural significance’ this is hilarious from a character pov

he looked at the compound and types “o7”

tommy just sure here outside the fence and sits here “as long as he needs to. Sometimes minutes, sometimes hours”

This is making me ill in every context including that of my headcanons

It appears tommy was for retconning the nuke but jack would rather keep it

Jack’s officially called it the epilogue

The nether……

Hes realized his mistake of sprinting on the prime path. Everyones subbing

Bench spotted

SNOWCHESTER.

Reminiscing in his old house

Looked through the nuke lab. Chat is screaming because he didn’t check on Micheal (guys he’s with his honey-vendor dad of course)

Walking through the battlefield of the prison escape. Like he’s trying to murder me

………

Disregard that. Death begins now.

“There it is! The first place I was a part of. Then technoblade nuked it”

“And now I’m here. And this is the ruin.”

To paraphrase: he really came here expecting to make fun; he’s thought of the smp as something behind him, and it is. He came here to have a laugh but it’s…nice. This arc is finally, fully closed. He is planting the Manishroom, the one thing he’s maintained since day 1, in his original L’Manburg house.

“God just— picking through ruins to make this. So…poetic”

“Not even a lore-bit, this just feels like a nice way to close it out. That feels important to me. Thank you for being here,”

“I always felt like part of the [dsmp] group. Now I feel like my own guy. Really is a new arc”

“I didn’t like letting go of the mushroom. Felt like I wanted to cling on to it forever. But I feel like this was the right thing to do.”

Some more personal reminiscing at the end

Returning to the roulette wheel at Las Nevadas; c!Jack Manifold’s final resting place. Getting that big win; all in on red!

[poisoned-pearls]

YEEEE you always have the correct thoughts I'm interested 🔥🔥🔥🔥

AUAUAUGHHH OKAY SO

Jamil’s voice actor has said himself that even he believes that Jamil and Azul could be close friends- I wanna point this out because that man definitely has some of the best understandings of Jamil EVER because he’s not only seen most of his voice lines, but he also gets the background notes we don’t get to see to add the correct kind of flavor to the voice acting- ANYWAYS

Jamil and Azul DO get along!! very well, in fact! If they are put against a common force or just, generally in an event together they do work well and even joke like close friends would!

Like, even when Jamil is being mean, he’s not malicious. He’s snarky, not actually trying to hurt Azul’s feelings- and they both KNOW how smart the other one is, and both aren’t afraid to mention it

(usually it’s Azul, but Jamil also consistently gives Azul credit as well. He doesn’t ever really downplay Azul’s merits and abilities)

And the funniest bit is- no matter how mean Jamil is to him, even with what some WOULD consider as bullying, Azul does not stop.

Which is WEIRD AS HELL FOR HIM. He was heavily bullied as a kid, so much so that it’s very obviously hinted at that he had/has an eating disorder (he wears the same size as Epel and Riddle, people who are a good ~20 ish cm shorter than he is- this is besides the point-) so to him, the reward of getting Jamil on his side is worth the thing that literally controlled his entire life and caused his overblot. That is how important getting Jamil is to him. (which also begs the question, why Jamil? Sure, some of it is definitely because he sees himself in Jamil, but since this is MY post, I also believe it’s because he has a crush on him.)

And he is CONSTANT about it- it’s almost hilarious how fucking often octavinelle or the lounge or even just himself comes up in his conversations with him.

And sure, it is a little weird that he seems to disregard Jamil’s constant no’s- BUT he also understands and watches Jamil more than anyone else, so I think he does this precisely because he knows that Jamil holds himself back.

Jamil can’t reasonably Say yes to him, because of kalim and his duties, but it’s the same thing with Jamil’s lab vignette, he so desperately wants Jamil to do his best, to succeed, but because Jamil will not let himself, he pushes and pushes to try and get him to fold and do what he really wants. To flourish. And Azul wants him to do it with him.

and the reason why Jamil is always so resistant to it isn’t because he genuinely wants nothing to do with it, it’s because he cannot understand or comprehend a relationship like that where they are equal.

He doesn’t want to be under Azul’s thumb, but this is exactly where their animosity comes from- the misunderstanding of their friendship and the dynamics with it. He doesn’t want to go to octavinelle, to work at the lounge, because he despises being a servant.

But master and servant is the only real dynamic he knows- he legitimately can’t understand how it would be any different, and because of Azul’s reputation and persona, he wouldn’t trust Azul’s word on it either.

(It is also very ironic that Azul’s persona, which was made to protect him from bullying, is the exact reason Jamil is so hostile towards him in the first place)

But here’s the thing- consistently, Jamil always makes note of Azul. He pays attention to him, (‘you sure love your cryptic little asides’ means that he’s actually paying attention to Azul to notice said asides and notice the frequency of them-) and he acknowledges him first.

I cannot stress enough how fucking insane it is that he not only acknowledges Azul first, but by full name. He is in basketball club with Floyd, he should know him well enough to say him by name, and hypothetically be more friendly with. Floyd is genuinely the safest person in octavinelle for him to hang out with precisely because he doesn’t scheme, so why in the world is he acknowledging Azul?? He’s already fucking suspicious of him and wants him off his back, so why not go for what should be his safest in?? Sure, it makes sense for him to actually talk to Azul because, classmates, but to completely disregard Floyd and put Azul first? Azul stands in the middle of them no matter what reading direction would be normal for Jamil (like if he speaks Arabic then it would be right to left/) it wouldn’t make sense to point out the one in the middle. Genuinely when people say hello to a group they know usually they go by name in reading order-

Okay genuinely not being insane about one moment in dialogue for a moment

Jamil and Azul, work so, so fucking well. They are just similar enough while also being opposites in the most complimentary way it’s crazy.

They work well as friends and as business partners and as people fighting together and as a couple, they flow together and it is always in my brain

Because all it takes is for Jamil to realize that Azul is not lying. He is not trying to trick him or butter him up he means every single word of praise he says and he will continue to say it because to him Jamil is worth the pain. THAT is why they’re soulmates to me

Because all Jamil has ever wanted was freedom, and to catch a break. To not be the one serving, but to have someone serve him, to understand him. and Azul does. Azul wants to serve him and to hold him on equal footing and he already DOES understand him

(And he understands Azul, as well, even if he doesn’t admit it. In all of those lines he notices things about Azul you wouldn’t if you actually hated someone. Azul gives him a sense of hope, in a subtle way)

[ceruleanwhore]

So I’ve seen a lot of headcanons and fics floating around the Cybird/Ikemen fandom spaces about pregnancy or having children, but I have yet to see any childfree content at all, as @sevenai pointed out in a post they made about ikevamp. As such, I’ve put together a list of childfree headcanons for all the ikevamp men for those of us who want such things.

Napoleon — After the tragedy of his only legitimate son’s premature death during his life, I think it’s perfectly plausible that he would not want to try to produce another child of his own. Besides, the children he teaches with Isaac do more than enough to fill the void and warm his heart. I imagine that, at some point, the topic of children would come up and, when his partner would nervously disclose that she doesn’t actually want to have any of their own, he would feel relief.

Leo — Being in a relationship with anyone at all (especially a human) is already more than enough heartbreak, I don’t think he could handle producing a child of his own that he would then have to watch die someday even though no parent should ever outlive their child.

Mozart — This man is obsessive about cleanliness and absolutely cannot tolerate noise. There’s no way in hell he’s ever having a kid.

Arthur — He had five children in his life and so I feel like, for him, he’s already done that and sufficiently fulfilled that desire, so now he doesn’t feel the need to do it over again in this second life. I think he’d be willing to give it a go if that’s what his partner wanted, but I also think he’d be just as content not to.

Vincent — I get that in ikevamp he’s a sweet boy, but he has a past full of tremendous mental health struggles, and I think he’d be afraid of passing that to any potential children. I also think he would be worried about his ability to care for a child.

Isaac — Dude’s already worried he’s going to snack on Comte’s ferret or something, like being in a relationship with a human is PLENTY for him to worry about. Also, he’s a good person who views himself as a dangerous monster, which means he definitely won’t be having kids any time soon. Plus, like Napoleon, he has their little gaggle that they teach and that is genuinely plenty for him. Yeah, I think he’d be perfectly happy to have his partner tell him that there is no desire for children on their part.

Theo — I think he’d be more apathetic about children, where he doesn’t really have a desire for them but he would be willing to have kids if that’s what his partner wanted. He already has his partner, his bother, and his career, and that is more than enough for him to be happy.

Jean — First off, Jean is 19. Secondly, he hates himself and what he is, like Carlisle from Twilight. Maybe he would’ve wanted kids in life, but there is no way in hell he’d want to create half vampire spawn.

Will — Given that he was always running away from his wife and kids in his life, I think it’s safe to assume he never wanted them, even before he died. I think, given the context of his real marriage with Anne, he would be grateful to discover that his partner doesn’t want to have kids with him and it would be another indicator to him that this relationship is actually a good match.

Comte — I think he has no desire of his own for children and I also think he is hella devoted to whoever he chooses to be in a relationship with and will do anything to make them happy, so even if he did want kids he still would 100% fold to a childfree partner. There’s also that element of tragedy like with Leonardo that we’ll also see with Vlad.

Dazai — He’s either actively suicidal or very recently got better and definitely does not feel like he has the capacity to care for a child. Also, someone who hates themselves so much they’d choose to become a vampire solely so they could live long enough to kill their infant self is definitely not going to want to reproduce. Like Isaac, he sees himself as dangerous and I don’t think he would trust himself with something like having kids and I think that being in a relationship is already massively stressful for him.

Sebastian — He has a terminal illness, so there could be concern about passing whatever it is to any future children. He also probably would just not want to have to subject children to dealing with his inevitable, premature death. Even without all that, like if he can get magically cured by Faust or something, I don’t really see him actively wanting to have children, like I think he’d be more of a “travel the world with your partner in a delightfully comfortable DINK arrangement” kind of guy.

Vlad  — Yeah I think he’d 100% just be a “whatever you want” guy who values his partner above all else, including potential people who don’t exist yet.

Faust  — He’s kinda weird with kids tbh in a way that reminds me of myself — uncomfortable but kind of nice and gives in easily to whatever they want — which makes me think he doesn’t really like them and doesn’t really want them. I could see him kind of wanting to reproduce with a human as an experiment, but I really don’t see him genuinely desiring to have children.

Charles  — I get the vibe that he’ll be a very possessive yandere once he’s in a relationship and won’t want to share his partner with anyone at all, including potential children of their own. He actually gives me the impression that even if his partner came to him and shared that they genuinely wanted to have children with him, he might insist they not because of this trait of his.

[seahorsepencils]

Hi! Would it be ok to ask whats going on with ppl being biphobic about kate stewart?/gen

I legitimately dont know whats going on? I feel like the pizza guy walking into the burning appt from community meme. Idk if i ever put much hc or thought behind kates relationships tbh, other than maybe she was aroacespec or choosing not to be in a relationship bec of how dangerous UNIT is...

I don't remember anything in the show implying she was sapphic or into Ibrahim (or like another person said in the tags that she had a kid with someone too)

I genuinely dont know wtf is going on or why who fans are fighting about this

Hi anon,

Of course! Thanks for asking. Here’s my attempt at an explanation:

In 2016, during a panel Q&A at Long Island Doctor Who, Jemma Redgrave said that when she first started doing the show, she headcanoned Kate as being married to a woman. At some point in her answer, she alludes to the fact that this may or may not be the case anymore, as she often learns new details about Kate’s life from the showrunners whenever she films another episode. (Jemma's answer starts at 44:54 here.)

Regardless, her initial headcanon has caught on, either as a bit of wishful thinking or as a detail that some perceive to be almost canon in the absence of contradictory evidence on the show or in other materials (i.e. the UNIT audios). In the series 18 episode “Death in Heaven,” Kate described herself as a “mother of two” and “divorcee,” and a popular interpretation of this is that Kate may have been married to a man, and divorced him after (or before) realizing she was a lesbian.

The “almost canon” perspective also holds a lot of weight among some fans of the show because of Jemma Redgrave’s long history of playing queer and queer-coded characters. Even her most ostensibly straight characters tend to offer some sort of challenge to compulsory heterosexuality or patriarchal norms (i.e. they turn to violence after spending years in loveless heterosexual marriages). This has made it very easy to headcanon pretty much any character she’s played as queer. I think some fans tend to also think that Jemma has more influence over her characters than she does - for example, after seeing episodes of DW in which Kate has worn plaid or flannel, fans have suggested that Jemma probably provided her own wardrobe for the show and purposely selected those items to give off gay vibes. (A very niche issue that has contributed to this is Jemma’s habit of repeatedly purchasing her characters’ wardrobe items at half price and then wearing them in real life - in the past, some fans incorrectly assumed that this meant Jemma was bringing her own clothing to set and asking the costume designers if Kate could wear it.) Effectively, many fans have hoped that Jemma’s earlier headcanon for Kate effectively manifested into canon over time, or potentially inspired the showrunners to agree that Kate is queer.

In terms of the Ibrahim stuff, the first piece was a lot of fans noticing that the hand-holding between Kate and Ibrahim in this week’s finale lasted a few seconds longer than one might expect a platonic hand-hold to last. Similarly, some have thought that the moment when she comes back to life and he pulls her up has a certain closeness or intimacy to it. From what I’ve seen, people are split on the topic - some people consider it to be a platonic “happy to be alive” moment, or a show of feelings from Ibrahim that Kate might not reciprocate; others have theorized that Ibrahim and Kate have a very close platonic relationship for some reason, etc.

Shortly after the finale aired, a version of the episode with a cast and crew audio commentary was released on the BBC’s website. In this commentary, while the two aforementioned scenes are playing, the producer, Vicki Delow, makes some comments suggesting she thinks that Kate and Ibrahim are, or should be, a couple. RTD responds to her comments in what sounds like a teasing tone. Here’s my transcript of those moments:

Helping Kate up scene (36:50) Vicki: “I love this. This is my favorite thing in the whole world." RTD: "What, these two?" Vicki: "These two. I just love them.” RTD: “What do you mean, Vicki?” Vicki: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” RTD: “What do you mean? You think they’re friends?” Vicki: “I think they’re more than friends.”

Hand-holding scene outside (37:43) Vicki: “Look, look, look. This is it. Look, look, look.” RTD: “What are you looking at, Vicki Delow?” Vicki: “I love them. I love them.” RTD: “I don’t know what you mean, Vicki. I don't know.” Vicki: “It’s the greatest romance.”

Some folks have interpreted this as Vicki Delow hinting that there’s going to be a future romance between the characters in series 2 - and that RTD is egging her on - i.e. the “I don’t know what you mean” is a wink nudge way of him refusing to directly confirm a future storyline. That’s definitely a possibility. I think it’s also possible that Vicki just really wants them to be a couple, and has gotten a reputation on the production team as a hopeful shipper who wants Kate and Ibrahim to wind up together. In that context, RTD’s teasing her might have a vibe more like “oh Vicki, here you go again, shipping Kate and Ibrahim.”

So basically, a number of fans who have taken Jemma’s past headcanon as canon-adjacent have interpreted Vicki Delow’s “it’s the greatest romance” comment as confirmation that Kate and Ibrahim will have a romantic storyline in the next series, and have posted on social media (mostly Twitter, but a bit on Tumblr) criticizing what they perceive to be the show taking an unexpected position on Kate’s sexual orientation.

The rest might be stuff you’ve already seen, but I’ll summarize just in case: Several of the posts on Twitter and Tumblr have used language that inflexibly imply a gay/straight binary - i.e. “how dare they make Kate straight, she’s a lesbian” - not allowing for the possibility that she’s a bisexual woman to enter into the equation at all. In my other post on this subject I referred to a pattern of bi erasure and biphobia in the Jemma Redgrave fandom. As someone who’s an active member of that fandom, it felt like a concrete instance of some things I’ve seen pretty regularly in the community - and although I’m not as familiar with the DW fandom more generally, it sounds like there may have been some similar past instances of bi erasure or microaggressions in that fandom.

While I’ve categorized the “how dare they make her straight” posts specifically as bi erasure (and I imagine one could make a case that they’re biphobic too), the clear instance of biphobia for me has been in the comments I’ve seen by viewers who said that they would rather pretend Kate died at the start of the episode than accept the presence of a scene where she held hands with a man. In my mind, even as a joke, that seems to imply “better dead than bi or straight.”

I don't know if I'm decided on what Vicki Delow meant, and the lingering in that hand-holding moment definitely did make me wonder. And as someone who loves Jemma's performances as queer characters and has read my share of Osgate fic, I think it would be awesome to see her character in a relationship with a woman. But at this point I feel like the conversation has been so saturated by others' moments of bi erasure that it's hard to even know how to get back into it.

So, yeah. You're not wrong - even for someone who knows a lot of the pieces, it's been a very confusing couple of days. 😅

[moni-logues]

Kintsugi 5

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Genre: strangers-to-friends-to-lovers, non-idol!au, angst, smut, tiny bit of eventual fluff

Summary: In a fit of spiteful, post-break-up self-improvement, you sign up to a baking class. Yoongi, in a bid to appease his demanding girlfriend, signs up, too. Determined to make him your friend, you end up with more than you ever imagined.

Word count: 7.2k

Content: depression, self-harm (cutting)

A/N: first and foremost, please read the warnings; there's literally only two and one is a pretty significant one so plleeeeasssseeee take heed!!!!!! And let me know if there's anything else I should be tagging for it. Feels too flip for me to ramble in my usual way here given the content of this chapter, so just to say be safe, and I hope you like it! Thank you to my betas @amethystwritesbts @quarter-life-crisis2 @here2bbtstrash

Chapter Four | Masterlist | Chapter Six

Chapter Five - The other shoe

The sun was shining and birds were singing and you wished you were a character in a musical so you could burst into (tuneless) song and run across a field in a circle skirt. You hadn’t felt this good for a long, long time.  

“Looks like someone’s in a good mood,” was Taehyung’s greeting to you as you plopped down in your chair next to him. “You get laid or something?” 

You had, in fact, got laid last night. It had been even more anxiety-inducing than you had thought it would be, particularly given that Sungbin was a verified Greek god of a man and, well, your body had been through a little since the last time you were fully naked in front of someone new. You had put your body through a lot. The body keeps the score and it also shows the scars. You did not tend to keep them on display and you had hesitated and become awkward and flustered when you remembered them, when you realised he was going to see them, going to see what you had done to yourself.  

He didn’t mention them. He didn’t make it weird. He didn’t avoid them nor did he bring extra attention to them. He acted as if they weren’t there at all. Then he made you come until you were seeing stars.  

“That good, huh?”  

It had been that good. Or maybe it had just been a long time. Either way.  

“I think I’m going to fall in love with him, for real,” you said, all dreamy and moon-eyed, staring at your computer screen and seeing nothing but love hearts. 

“Girly...” Taehyung’s voice had a slight warning note but you let it wash over you. 

“I know, I know, but seriously. I feel happy, Teddy. Legitimately happy. I feel like I can see a future unfolding, a future I might actually want to live in.” 

“With Sungbin?” 

You shrugged. 

“Sure, why not?” 

He didn’t answer, not really. You could feel his reluctance; you could almost hear all the questions he wanted to ask. You let him think them. You weren’t going to let anyone burst this bubble.  

“What are we doing this weekend, chick?”  

You looked up from your desk and took the coffee cup in Taehyung’s outstretched hand. He sat down next to you. 

“What do you mean ‘what are we doing this weekend’?” 

“What do you mean ‘what do you mean “what are we doing this weekend”’?” 

“What do you mean-” 

“No, I’m serious. We always do something, but I haven’t seen you for weeks now.” 

“Teddy, we are together every day. You’re seeing me right now!” 

“That’s not the same and you know it! You’re reserving all your time for Sungbin these days.” 

“That’s not true.” 

Not entirely. He wasn’t being fair. It was true that you had seen Taehyung a little less over the past month or so but it wasn’t like you hadn’t seen him at all. You had someone else in your life now; you would’ve thought Taehyung would have been a little relieved to get some time back, to be honest. 

“Well, what about you?” you asked. “You’re spending all your time with the barista.” 

“Hyunjin. And I’m really not. I still have plenty of time for my other friends. For you.” 

“Are you suggesting that I’m not making time for you?” 

He shrugged.  

“I know you’re really into Sungbin right now and things are going well and that’s great. I’m genuinely fucking stoked for you and I hope that it’s everything you want it to be, but I feel a little tossed aside, yeah. Especially because I’m the one who’ll have to pick up any pieces if it goes south.” 

That hurt. Coming from Taehyung, that really hurt. 

“Why do you think it’ll go south?” 

“I’m not saying that it will but you’re honeymooning hard right now and it kind of feels like you’re putting a lot of eggs into one basket. You’re ditching me to spend all your time with a guy you’ve know-” 

“I’m not ditching you!” 

“I’m just saying you’re letting yourself be taken over by this. You haven’t seen me outside of work for ages. I know you didn’t go to therapy last wee-” 

“How do you know that?” 

“I know when your appointments are and you were posting on Instagram with a cocktail in your hand at the time.” 

“What makes you think I didn’t rearrange the session?” 

“Did you?” 

No, you didn’t. You skipped that one. Just one. That would hardly hurt. And you were feeling so happy right now, the need for therapy had receded a little, dipping past the horizon, not entirely out of sight, but almost out of mind.  

“That is exactly what I’m saying-” 

“No, what exactly are you saying? Is this about wanting to see me more or is it about telling me that me and Sungbin are going to crash and burn?” 

You could feel tears burn in your eyes and you desperately wanted not to cry. You always cried. All the time. It was exhausting and embarrassing and you were at work, right now – you didn’t have time for this.  

Taehyung’s eyes softened and this made your tears well even more.  

“I’m saying that I miss you and I’m worried. You are acting like he’s fixed you, like the only problem in your life was that you were single and now you’re not so everything must be perfect. But that’s not how things work and I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“I’m not stupid,” you spat, your voice thick with unshed tears. “I don’t think he’s fixed me. I think he likes me. And I like him. And we are together-” 

“Are you?” 

“What?” 

“Have you had that conversation? Are you together?” 

“Well-… What about you and Hyunjin? Have you had that conversation?” 

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “We’re keeping it casual for now.” 

You didn’t like the sound of that. You hadn’t talked to Sungbin about it because you didn’t think you had to. You thought you were on the same page. Isn’t that what dating was? You dated and then, if you kept dating, you were in a relationship. It was automatic, by default. Why would you date someone if you didn’t want to keep doing it? If you didn’t imagine a relationship with the person, what was the point?  

You managed to blink your tears away but an uneasiness had settled in your stomach. What if you’d got it all wrong? Did Sungbin want to keep it casual? You didn’t. It was already too late for that. You were a goner. 

Maybe Taehyung was right. 

Was he? 

You sniffed. 

“Well maybe Sungbin and I aren’t.” 

“Does he know that?”  

Fresh tears. Anxiety. Your old friend insecurity crawling up your throat again. You should have known that this was coming, that there was a line you needed to acknowledge and either cross together or not at all. It hadn’t been like this with San because you had known each other so well before you got together, it really had been a foregone conclusion. This time, though... And there was so much Sungbin didn’t know about you, so much you knew you would have to share at some point and didn’t want to. The thought of revealing your ugliest self to him – to him, a flawless specimen of a man, inside and out, his parents’ pride, and the person you thought most about – was nauseating.  

You stood and walked off to the printers, pausing there only long enough for you to realise there was nothing you could pretend to print. Then you carried on to the kitchen, making yourself another coffee, even as the one Taehyung brought you was sitting, steaming, on your desk. 

“I’ve been thinking,” you began, sitting across from Sungbin at an outside table, running your finger up the wet glass of your iced latte. “What are you doing for Halloween?” 

He looked a little taken aback. 

“Halloween? In October?” 

“Yeah!” 

You held your palm tight against your glass, the discomfort of the cold playing distraction. You were trying to be casual about this. It was normal. Of course you’d make plans. Why wouldn’t you? You fought off the voice in the back of your head saying that you wouldn’t if you were just ‘keeping things casual’. That was why you had to ask.  

“I... have no idea yet. It’s only August.” 

“That is true, but I’ve been thinking. Teddy always has this massive party for Halloween and does costumes and everything and I would like, this year, to outdo him.” 

The party thing was true. Taehyung did throw one every year. And he did always have a good costume... You also always had a good costume, because he planned and bought it for you, but Sungbin didn’t need to know that part.  

“Wow, if he’s planning it this early, it must be big.” 

“Oh, no, he’s not yet, but I want to get a head start. Like I said, this year I think we can beat him at his costume game.” 

“We?” 

“Yeah, there are so many good couple costumes out there; it’ll make more of an impact if we do it together, right? Two is more than one etc.” 

“Right, yeah, uh... Sure.” 

“We don’t have to decide right now, but get your thinking cap on. I am going to destroy Teddy this year and you’re going to do it with me!” 

He chuckled a little and you thought this was good. Halloween was, as he suggested, months away, but he hadn’t said no. That counted for something. You ploughed on. 

“Also, what do you think to a double date?” 

“Oh. Um, who with?” 

“Teddy and Hyunjin. They actually got together the night we met! Might be fun. Also, to be honest, I really want Teddy to meet you. It’s been long enough, haha; you need his seal of approval!” 

“A test?” 

“Yep. He’s my bestie so he has to approve.” 

“Right. Yeah... Ok. You and he are really close, then?” 

“Yep. And, besides, it gets to a point where someone’s seen you have enough breakdowns that you have to keep them close: he knows too much!” 

There was a pause and you could see Sungbin considering his words. You fought the urge to move it on, to brush over it, to drop a hundred words a second to blow past it. But you also just had to... check, to let him know, to try to drip-feed him the information you, truthfully, didn’t want him to have but knew that he had to have, if this was ever going to be serious. It made you anxious, slowly revealing your brokenness to him, pushing him closer and closer to the threshold at which he might say ‘stop, that’s enough; I don’t want you anymore’. He hadn’t yet, but you’d barely begun.  

“Breakdowns, huh?” 

“Yep. Although, actually, while it was Teddy who held me together after the break-up, it was my ex who really did the heavy lifting before that.” 

Sungbin nodded thoughtfully and you didn’t know if you imagined his eyes flicking down to your thighs or not. Probably imagined. But it wasn’t like the two didn’t go hand in hand. 

“Sounds rough.” 

“It was. Both times, haha.” 

He nodded again. 

That was enough, you thought. That had to be enough disclosure for now. You could feel it pressing on you, like the oppressive summer humidity; you felt stifled by your exposure, almost a little giddy with the force of your discomfort. If this is what it was like, revealing your darkness to someone, you crossed all your fingers, hoped, and prayed that this thing with Sungbin would last so that you would never have to do it again.  

* 

You went home with him that night and there was a background buzz of something in your head, this kind of vertigo-swirling of standing too close to the edge of a cliff, an unsteadiness of foot that Sungbin was able to kiss away but which came back two-fold when you were lying naked in his bed. You tried to look at yourself, discreetly, objectively; what did you look like to him? Was he looking at you differently now, tonight, armed with new knowledge? What did he really know? What had he taken from the things you had said? You didn’t want to ask him, didn’t want to talk about it more, didn’t want to have to explain and elucidate and make explicit things that you hoped he would infer.  

He didn’t seem different, then, didn’t turn off the light or kiss you goodnight any differently from the way he had before. Maybe it was fine. Maybe your brokenness wasn’t fatal. Or so you could dream. 

“Last day, baby!” you cried when Yoongi put his bag on the counter at your very last baking session. 

“So it is,” he replied, cool as ever. 

You shoved him. 

“Be excited! We made it! We’re bakers!” 

He rolled his eyes and grinned. 

“A rather generous term for yourself, isn’t it?” 

You shoved him again. 

“How dare you? Do I need to remind you of last week’s triumph? Or should I say my triumph and your tragedy?” 

You weren’t being entirely fair. Yoongi’s buns had failed because he had taken on the risk of your illicit ingredient, allowing you to follow the recipe correctly. It was gallant, really. He even said that his buns were alright, not that bad, kind of ok which you knew without having to try them was untrue.  

“Should I remind you who is responsible for my tragedy?” 

“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

You grinned at each other and started unpacking your bags. It felt easy between the two of you now. Long gone was your anxiety that used to accompany Thursday evenings, that gnawing embarrassment and glowing shame that you used to feel in Yoongi’s proximity, sure that you were the worst person in the world and that he wanted to get away from you, desperate as you were for his friendship and approbation. You didn’t have to be desperate anymore, because you had it. You were friends. In the spirit of said friendship, you had agreed to celebrate your last baking class tomorrow, so you could get as drunk as you liked without having to suffer the consequences in the office. 

* 

“Generous term,” you scoffed, looking at your layered cake at the end of the session, assembled and decorated and still standing. “How very dare you. Look at what I’ve made! I’m a genius!” 

Yoongi laughed quietly and swiped a finger through the buttercream frosting on top before you could swat his hand away. He put it to his mouth. 

“Yeah, it’s not bad.” 

“Not bad!” 

You swiped a finger through the frosting on top of his cake. 

“Yours tastes like shit.” 

“Well, now you’re just being mean and I won’t let you have a slice.” 

“Fine.” You turned your back on him to put some things in your bag and then turned back. “I didn’t want to eat your shit cake, anyway!” 

“You had better be careful or I’ll bring this as dessert for tomorrow.” 

You gasped. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” 

Yoongi turned to face you head-on, a smirk on his lips, mischief in his eyes. 

“Wouldn’t I?” 

You mirrored his expression and crossed your arms. 

“I won’t let you in my apartment.” 

“Not even for the booze?” 

You faltered. You didn’t buy the expensive shit that he did. You still fully believed that expensive alcohol didn’t give you such bad hangovers. You didn’t want to lose this spat, didn’t want to come out of the bit, but also didn’t want to say no to booze. 

“You can leave the booze on my doorstep and go.” 

Yoongi broke first and laughed loud, tipping his head back. 

“You’re spoilt,” he said. 

You sniffed haughtily. 

“I deserve nice things.” 

Then he gave you that smile that he did sometimes, warm and soft, that made you feel like a broken open caramel truffle, oozing and sweet and sticky, like the two of you were stuck together, sugary fingerprints on your skin and a brown sugar taste on your lips. It was like a secret smile, for special occasions; you wondered who else got to see it.  

“Yeah, you do,” he agreed. “Which is why I’m bringing this cake to dinner tomorrow!” 

You groaned and pretended to fall, dead, to the floor. Yoongi laughed again.  

“I mean it.” He packed the last of his things in his bag. “I’m going to bring this and you’re going to eat it and like it.” 

“Over my dead body.” 

“If I recall correctly, I do, in fact, owe you a murder, so that can certainly be arranged.” 

You both laughed this time and you could think of much worse ways to go, much worse last things to see before you died. Yoongi picked up his stuff and his cake and turned to leave. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“With bells on!” you called after him. 

You had taken the Friday afternoon off, just to make sure you had enough time to shop and prepare and, gulp, cook dinner for Yoongi who you were expecting that evening. It was a celebration of your finishing the class but it was also a sign of intention, a new set-up for this kindling friendship that didn’t have anywhere else to meet. You’d take turns: one of you would cook and one would bring dessert and you’d alternate fortnightly. You weren’t sure whether you’d got the short straw to be tasked with dinner first or if you’d rather it were this way. You got the feeling Yoongi was a good cook and you didn’t want to have to follow that, but it felt like a lot of pressure being the first to host. You felt a little embarrassed of your shoebox apartment and cheap things and you knew Yoongi would never care—you knew he would understand completely—but it made you feel a little small, that this was all you had to offer.  

Never mind, you said to yourself. He didn’t care and neither would you. It wasn't about the venue; it wasn’t even really about the food. It was about the company. It was about making a space and a time for you and Yoongi to hang out. It was about making a commitment to taking your friendship outside of its bounds and cultivating it. That was what mattered and that was all you needed to focus on.  

You were scrolling on your phone, looking for recipes when a message from Sungbin came in. 

Sungbin: hey I’m wfh today. I'm about to have lunch can you come over? 

Obviously, the answer was yes. You did your best to make yourself look presentable in a rush and hot-footed it across the river to him.  

* 

“I ordered food, hope that’s ok,” Sungbin said as he gestured to the dining table where two bags of lunch had been placed. 

“Sure! I’ll eat whatever.” 

It felt a little strained, like the world had twisted itself into an uncomfortable position, but you put it down to the fact that you had never been to his apartment during the day before. He was also working; maybe he hadn’t shrugged off his focus yet. His job was still new and still stressful and this lunch was interrupting it. He was quiet as he sat down and you felt stifled. He ate a forkful and another. Then he put his fork down. 

“Thanks for coming all this way. I really wanted to speak to you but work is really hectic so I can’t get away.” 

“Yeah, no worries! I have this afternoon off anyway, so it’s no big deal.” 

“Oh right. Good. Um.” 

You thought to yourself that you were getting good at this: letting silence reign. Maybe it was all the time you’d spent with Yoongi; maybe it was all the time you’d spent in therapy. Maybe it was a sign that you weren’t letting your anxiety run your mouth anymore – even if you really, really wanted it to. 

“I thought we should talk,” is how he began. 

“About what?” Your guts twisted as you asked. 

“I know you were talking the other day about all sorts of plans and things and I just wanted to be clear about... where we are. What we are.” 

“Oh, right.” Your voice was airy and thin, even your lungs being squeezed by this cold-creeping fear working through your body. 

“I really enjoy spending time with you and I’d like to continue that but, ah, I’m not looking for anything serious. I don’t want... a relationship, y’know? I just moved here and I’m still finding my feet and getting to know everyone and everything and I don’t want to, uh, settle into anything? And I get the feeling that... you do. I didn’t want, um, wires to be crossed or uh, I didn’t want things to get complicated or- I just thought we should talk before it went on any longer. I wanted to just make myself clear. I would like to keep seeing you but I think you want... more than I do. If I’m wrong, just tell me, sorry if I’ve assumed but I, uh, just, get the feeling...” 

“Right.”  

Your eyes were already blurry with tears. Here it was. The other shoe dropping. Taehyung was right. Sungbin didn’t want you. Not really. He knew who you were and he didn’t want you. You tried to tiptoe into it; you tried to slowly heat the water in the pan but you’d overcooked it. The frog was jumping out. You wanted more. Too much. More than he wanted. He didn’t want you. He didn’t want you that much. He didn’t want your broken parts. He didn’t want your ugliness. He saw your scars and he heard of your breakdowns and he knew that was ‘more’, too much. He didn’t want to carry you. He would have to carry you if you went on for too much longer. You had to be carried because that’s who you were: you weren’t enough, not even enough to lift yourself up. All your good parts, the shiny parts, the parts you thought you had in you somewhere... It wasn’t enough.  

“It’s not-” Sungbin was trying to start again, to explain, to let you down even more gently. “I like you; I think you’re a cool person and we have fun. I just can’t commit to more than that. I don’t want to lead you on or pretend this is going somewhere it’s not. Y’know, I really appreciate you making all these plans and things but that’s just- it's really, well, it’s a bit too much for me right now. Do you know what I mean?” 

You nodded and hummed and bit your lip to stop it wobbling. Your face was burning with embarrassment: that you were being dumped, that you were crying about it when this hadn’t even been real to start with. It had never been what you thought it was. It was just fun. You had pictured parties and holidays and walking off into the sunset but that was just you. It had never been that for Sungbin.  

He didn’t want you. Like a woodpecker pecking at your skull, it hit you again and again: he didn’t want you. He didn’t want you. You tried to show yourself to him and then he didn’t want you. You took him to your water’s edge and he decided not to swim. You should have seen this coming. You should have heeded Taehyung’s warnings. You should have had this conversation before now.  

You could feel yourself spiralling, crumbling, sitting at his table with an uneaten salad bowl in front of you. You couldn’t speak because you didn’t know what to say. ‘Please just love me’? ‘Can’t you change your mind’? ‘What if I were different’? ‘I can change’? Would anything make a difference? You couldn’t be different. Not really. It hit you at that moment: you would always be you. All of these things that you had been doing to try to change, to be better, to grow, to stop being such a mess all of the time. They wouldn’t work. Couldn’t work. Couldn’t change who you were. What you were. You’d always just be... this. 

“Yeah, I understand,” you whispered, your voice trapped in your strangled throat. “I have to go.” 

You stood and whirled around, heading immediately for the door, shoving your feet in your shoes any which way, as long as they stayed on long enough for you to escape. 

“No, wait, hold on!” Sungbin called, following after you. “Don’t just go, please. I want to talk- I don’-” 

But you were opening the door and running down the corridor and he was calling, but not running, after you.  

You wanted to break down, just fall to the floor in a heap and stay there until the ground ate you up but you had to get out of his building. The lift was stifling, a too small metal box with mirrored walls that showed you your red eyes and running nose and face contorted with the effort of trying not to cry, with the fact that you were crying anyway.  

You had never felt so stupid. Humiliated. You wanted to scrape your skin from your body with the shame of it. Of course he didn’t want a relationship with you. A man who already loved you and loved you for years didn’t want a relationship with you anymore; why would Sungbin, with the world at his feet, settle for you?  

* 

You were crying on the subway again. You had sworn you wouldn’t do that. Not after the break-up. Not once you’d finally stopped crying over San. You weren’t going to be that person, that’s what you’d said. No one took any notice; no one said anything; everyone averted their eyes, but you could still feel their attention, were still so aware of the way they were not noticing you. You were a weirdo, a pathetic woman crying on the subway in the middle of a Friday afternoon.  

When you got off the train, you considered throwing yourself on the tracks. You would never have done it. Too many people around. A traumatised driver. Delayed and cancelled trains. Compounding your worthlessness by ruining other people’s days? You hadn’t sunk that low, not yet.  

You traipsed home, your feet feeling lead-heavy, your legs feeling weak and, as soon as the door to your apartment closed behind you, you dropped to the floor. You gasped in huge, choking sobs; you couldn’t see for your tears and could barely breathe. Your chest felt as though it were caving in on you, squeezing the life out of you. You dragged your nails across your skin to try to feel something else, something different, some other kind of pain and then a thought came to you, sharper than it had been for months, clear before where it had been vague. A directive, not just a thought anymore. 

There was a reason you didn’t keep razors in the house but your nails certainly weren’t cutting it. Then you remembered the knives Yoongi had bought you, how he had impressed upon you that they were sharp, that they were good quality and barely used so they should still, now, be sharp. You dragged your body to the kitchen counter and ripped open a drawer. You picked one at random – it didn’t matter which – and sat back down. You shuffled to pull off your cycle shorts and there they were, your mosaic thighs, criss-crosses of light, thin lines and thicker scar tissue. You had always taken a weird pride in the neatness of it. You had always cut carefully and deliberately, as though you were creating something other than scars, other than a mess, other than something you had to hide from everyone. You went over them again, re-cutting all the old lines, each sharp slice of pain a relief, grounding, pulling you back from somewhere.  

The relief made you feel hysterical, silly even, the strange, old euphoria of hurting yourself, of being in control of that hurt rushing through you and making you dizzy. It was like coming home. Your breathing came more smoothly and your heart slowed and your tears began to dry and you couldn’t stop, not yet. You had to see how far you could go. A little more. You needed just a little more. You had plenty of real estate; you could make more. You could expand the design, your bloody, little, monochromatic Mondrian.  

You felt empty when you stopped. Drained. Exhausted. Sick to your stomach. You let yourself fall sideways, lying on your dirty kitchen floor. You had nothing left in you. You lay there, unmoving, letting your brain tell you whatever it wanted. You didn’t care anymore. About anything. You had nothing. You had nothing to give and no one to give it to anyway. If you blipped out of existence, well, that would be the best-case scenario. Like Buffy’s key in reverse. Blink, and you had never existed at all. That would have been nice.  

It would still be nice. If you could just disappear off the face of the earth. You couldn’t bear to look towards the future – a future you didn’t want, that you knew wouldn’t be better than this. The thought of it made your soul shrivel, made you dig your nails into your reddened thighs, made you cringe and wince. When would it be over? Why couldn’t it be now?  

* 

You distantly heard your intercom ring but it felt as if it were coming from another world. You were gone. You were out of this world. No one missed you. Your apartment was a glitch, a tiny black hole where no one could go and no one wanted to go. It rang for what could have been a short time or a long time—you'd lost all sense of it. Then you heard knocking at your door.  

Then more knocking. 

Then something akin to thumping. 

“Hey,” Yoongi’s voice rang cleanly through the wood and metal. “Are you in?” 

Your phone started buzzing noisily on your side of the door, rattling against the floor bar in the entryway. Then there was silence for a while. You assumed he had gone away. 

Your door beeped and swung open and there were footsteps, the quiet flomp of shoes hitting the floor, the rustle of a carrier bag. You remembered you had given him your codes in the interest of fairness -- you did have his, after all. You felt so detached from everything that you didn’t know how you felt about that. Yoongi quietly called out for you. You didn’t respond. Didn’t even feel like you could.  

Your apartment was small enough that he could survey the entire space in a few small steps, so he would barely have to enter before he would see you. You knew the moment he did; you felt the way the air was sucked out of the room for a second. You felt him freeze, could hear the seconds tick by on the clock on the wall. Then he came into your line of sight, kneeling in front of you, saying your name. 

“Fuck, don’t be dead,” he whispered.  

He held his hand underneath your nose and felt you breathing. You felt the weight of the sigh that left him.  

“Shit, fuck.” 

He bent over, turning his head to try to catch your eyes; you could see him but you weren’t looking at him. You weren’t looking at anything. He was a blurry approximation of a man in front of you. He called your name for a third time.  

“You, uh, are you alright? ... fuck, fucking stupid. No, obviously not. Fuck. Ok. Uh. I-. Can I... What can I do?” 

You couldn’t give him an answer. It was as if all speech and movement had been taken from you. You really had nothing left. You couldn’t give him anything. You felt like a husk and that was all you wanted to be. 

“Shit, what should I do? I.. I do-. Well. Ok. Can you sit up?”  

You couldn’t even shake your head. You were aware of him continuing to mutter to himself. He stood up and disappeared for a minute or two; you heard the open and shut of cupboards, the rifling through of your jars and bottles and boxes. He returned with a light load. 

“I have to-” he started. “I’m going to. You.. I have to- I'm going to touch you, ok? I have to lift you up?” 

He hesitated as he came closer but was firm when he gripped your arms and lifted your body off the floor, pulled you sitting upright. You tipped your head back against the cupboard and a deep sigh pushed air from your lungs.  

“I still have to- this might hurt. You don’t have much stuff. I, uh, yeah, ok. I have to clean this.” 

You closed your eyes when he pressed a soaked cotton pad to your thigh. The burning sting of antiseptic made you feel a little bit alive but it was so short-lived.  

He was muttering again. 

“Fucking hell. I can’t. You don’t have anything useful. How am I-. What... This is... Fuck, this is going to need stitches. Is it?” 

You’d almost never heard him talk so much, not like this, not to himself, not with all these half-finished, curtailed sentences, this stopping and starting. Yoongi was straight-forward, even when he was feeling chatty. This Yoongi was going around in circles.  

When your eyes finally focused on him, he looked pale, paler than usual. A little grey possibly. His mouth was pulled in a taut, grim line when he wasn’t mumbling himself through the task.  

“Still fucking bleeding? Shit, did I make it bleed again? I can’t- I...” 

He sat back a little and looked at you; his eyes were sharp and focused and you couldn’t look at them. Yoongi took your chin in his hand, less gently than you might have expected, and he held you there until you looked at him.  

“How can you not have a fucking first-aid kit? What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” The anger in his voice registered only dimly. “There’s a pharmacy on the corner and I’m going to go there.” He paused and his eyes were steely and his jaw tight as he worked his brain around how to say what he needed to. “I’m going to go and I’m going to come back and if I get back here and you’re dead, I am going to kill you, ok? I know I promised to kill you but I was fucking joking and you’re not allowed to be dead. Is that clear?” 

His face softened as he waited for an answer. You managed to nod your head. He held you a few more seconds before he stood and walked out.  

* 

It could have been only seconds or it could have been hours until he returned—you neither knew nor cared—but he did return and he dropped a plastic bag on the floor beside you. He tipped it upside down and dumped its contents. He wasn’t looking at you now, not at your face, just at your legs, as he cleaned and tended and muttered to himself some more. He unwrapped bandages and folded over gauze and you let him lift your legs and place them back down. You let him do whatever he needed to, wanted to. It didn’t matter.  

When he was finished, he sat back and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and you saw his eyes alight on something to your left. You couldn’t read the expression that came over his face. Something like horror, something like disgust, something like despair. He leaned forward onto his hands and grabbed the offending object; he threw it into the sink with a metallic clatter.  

He sat opposite you for some time. You didn’t say anything. Neither did he. You felt hollow. You could hear it, the wind howling through your empty spaces. You felt like you were all empty space. Just an echo of nothingness trapped in skin. Every part of you hurt, as if the pain were radiating out from your heart, filling the void inside you with a sharp, persistent ache. You couldn’t talk. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it, to have to hear yourself, hear your existence continuing in the world. It hurt. As long as you were silent, you could fade away, you told yourself. Just disappear. Yoongi would go and you would be alone and you could just disappear. 

“Do you want to eat?” he asked. “You should eat.”  

The thought evidently set him on a path because he stood and opened your fridge, opened your cupboards, looking for food. He stepped over you and then stopped, foot in mid-air. He turned back to you. 

“If I’m going to cook, you’re in the way. Can you move?” 

You blinked. You sighed. You looked down. Then you felt his arms wrap around you as he pulled you to your feet. It was an awkward drag and shuffle to the sofa, your feet tripping over themselves, Yoongi lifting but not really carrying you.  

“Fuck, sorry,” he said on a heavy exhale as you dropped like a stone onto the sofa. “I’m going to cook now.” 

* 

He held a bowl out in front of you and, when you didn’t take it, he picked up your hands and placed them against the ceramic, lowering it all into your lap. Then he sat next to you. 

“Eat.” 

You looked at the food, steaming hot; it smelt nice. You wondered what on earth it was and how he could have found the right ingredients in your house. You were still not exactly domesticated, despite your efforts. Yoongi kicked your foot. 

“I mean it. Eat.” 

You sighed and continued staring into the bowl. Eating would mean conceding to living, to staying alive. You felt defeated but you also wanted to avoid this defeat. Everything about you felt wrong. Hideous. Like things were crawling beneath your skin. You didn’t want to continue that existence. You didn’t want to feed it. 

Yoongi took the bowl from your hands and placed it on your coffee table. 

“Fine,” he said. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Absolutely not. You shook your head.  

“What do you want to do? I don’t know what to do. What can I do?” 

You, again, fell sideways, lying on the sofa with your legs still dangling down. It wasn’t entirely comfortable but that hardly mattered. You couldn’t answer; you didn’t know.  

Then Yoongi did something that you wouldn’t in a thousand years have expected him to. Just as you had, in his apartment, weeks ago, he crawled behind you and wrapped his arms around you. You stiffened, convinced for a second you might split and shatter. He was warm and soft and you could smell his hair and his breath tickled your neck and it hurt so much. It all hurt so much.  

You breathed in deep and when you exhaled, you choked, crying again. You didn’t know you had more in you. You had thought you were dry, but just as there was no end to your sadness, there apparently was no end to your tears.  

You lay there, letting him hold you as you cried, letting the sun lower in the sky, letting the stars come out.  

“I’m fucking sick of it,” you gasped. “Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it.” 

“Sick of what?” 

“Everything. I hate it. I hate everything. I hate it. I hate being alive. I hate being me. I can’t stand it. I don’t know how people do it. I just want it to stop. I just want it to stop.” 

“Life?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I get it. I don’t want you to stop being you, though. For what it’s worth.”  

You couldn’t hear that kind of thing. Not now. You couldn’t take it. 

“You just don’t know me,” you whispered, your voice hoarse from crying and thick from new tears.  

“Tell me, then.” 

“I fucking suck.” 

“How?” 

“Literally everything I am. Fundamentally flawed. I’m broken and stupid and I can’t be normal and no one can ever love me because I’m this. I’m just this all the time and I can’t get better and I thought that I could but it’s just me and my fucking broken head and I ruin everything. I ruin everything for everyone and always will and no one can stand me. No one can and I don’t fucking blame them. I can’t stand me either. It makes me sick to be such a useless heap of junk. I’m a worthless waste of space because what is the point of me? What do I do? I need people, I cling to people, I make myself their problem until they can’t take it anymore. I’m depressed and stupid and I will never achieve anything and never do anything and I might as well just die right now because who cares? Literally who cares. I tried and I fucking tried but I’m still me and I can’t run from it or change it and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be here. I don’t know what to do anymore. There is nothing for me. The future is black and it’s bleak because I’ll be there. I’m always there. I can’t get away from myself. I can’t bear it. I have to live like this? For years? More and more years? Twenty? Or thirty? Forty years of this? It makes me sick to think about. I can’t think about it. I can’t think about having to be alive like this for another day let alone any longer. I hate it. I hate being me and I hate being alive and I just wish I wasn’t. I wish I could just disappear. I’m a broken, useless, fucked in the head piece of shit and no one will ever love me because they can’t. I’m unlovable. I’m this and it makes me unlovable but I can’t change it so I will always be unlovable and I can’t do it. I can’t live like that. I can’t do it anymore.” 

You took a deep, shuddering breath and Yoongi said nothing. He was quiet for long enough for your shame to creep back in, curling its fingers around the door frame and pulling itself in, unbidden and unwanted. You were embarrassed now, again. You felt stupid. Again. You felt pointless and petty and pathetic and you were about to shrug Yoongi off, to tell him to leave, to crawl into your bed and hide under the sheets when his arms tightened around you. You heard as well as felt him take a deep breath. 

“Yeah, I understand.”  

There was a pregnant pause and Yoongi cleared his throat. 

“But I don’t think any of those things about you. For what it’s worth.” 

Chapter Four | Masterlist | Chapter Six

[mochiswifey]

ANGEL

BONTEN KANJI MOCHIZUKI

~MATURE THEMES~ Next

*Arrange Marriage, Sexual Themes (Blowjob), Age gap*

Forced to marry an older man, Louie tries to navigate the hell she’s suddenly pulled into.

Her eyes flicker.

“Finally she’s fucking awake.” Someone with an androgynous voice said.

She tries to wipe her eyes and to her surprise her hands were tied to a chair.

Panic attacks her

She tried to think whether she took too much sedative and she’s lucid dreaming.

“She’s awake.” The voice repeated after she heard a metal door open.

She tried to compose herself to no avail. The surrounding is dark and cold. The floor is dirty. Tainted with dry blood. And-

Her thoughts were interrupted when a shadow fell over the little light from the lamp shade hung above.

“Your Dad. He operates boats.”

Husky voice accompanied by a strong smell of cigar.

“I- I don’t- What?! My dad doesn’t-“

“Your real Dad.”

Then, it dawned on her.

She was taken because of her real father. The father who she last saw 7 years ago.

The father who ran away and left her.

The father who was never really a father to her.

“What is this? Did he pissed some Yakuza? I am nowhere pretty to be sold-“

“Bruh, no one would fucking buy you-“

“Shut up addict.”

“Shut up lung cancer”

Louie sighed before closing her eyes.

“I haven’t seen him for 7 years. I don’t know where he is or how he is. You could kill him for all I care.”

“Your father didn’t pissed us. It’s just. We have a tradition to follow.”

“This isn’t the 20s.”

“Don’t you think that this isn’t the best time to joke around?” The androgynous voice turned out to be coming from a man with a pink hair and diamond scars on either side of his mouth.

He steps in front of Louie and squats down. He has a deranged face. A manic expression.

But Louie recognize the loneliness and emptiness in his eyes.

It’s the same for every rich person she has ever seen in Tokyo.

It didn’t matter how much wealth they’ve accumulated throughout the years.

It’s never enough and will never be.

“My whole life is a joke so shut up.” The scarred man laughed before standing up and going away from her view.

“This tradition, is this some fucking sacrificial bullshit?”

“No. It’s you marrying one of our executive.”

Louie chuckled before going silent.

“This isn’t a Wattpad dark mafia bullshit.” She says with an excellent American accent surprising the two men.

They knew she was a bastard born to a cabaret hostess mother. They assumed she was uneducated and-

“Was that English?”

“In what world wasn’t that English?” She mocks the men.

“You seem comfortable in this kind of situation.”

“I am nowhere comfortable in this situation.”

Louie sighed. She’s captured and she has no way of escaping. It’s cooperating that would get her a pass to live another day.

“Why do I need to marry?”

“The boats your father have. We want them to carry our shipment.”

“Then sign an agreement! Why the hell would I be pawn to your games?”

“Agreements are easily broken. With marriage your family will be bonded to our organization.” Louie shakes her head and almost laughs.

“I’m a bastard. What made you think that my father won’t betray your organization?” The men had the same thing in their mind.

But she is the best they could get.

Louie’s father won’t marry his legitimate daughter to them.

“You still carry your father’s last name. And once you bore a son, when your father betrays us every single workers of your father will never trust him again.”

A son?

There was no way of winning through brute. So, even though she was infuriated she remained calm and listened.

“Who am I gonna marry?”

“Mochi.”

Who in the world is that with a punk ass name?

Kanji removes his tie as he burst inside the hotel room.

Misaki had a smile on her face but it quickly dissipated as she realize Kanji is in a bad mood.

“What happened?” She quickly follows him to the balcony.

The cold wind chilled her body but she knew better than to ignore the man who’s supporting her lavish lifestyle.

Kanji gripped on the railing. His face full of fury. Eyebrows arched and teeth gritted.

“Tell me what happened.” Misaki soothes Kanji’s gigantic arm. She tries to comfort him because that’s her duty.

“I was going to marry you.”

Her smile faded from utter shock. Not once did she ever think of him having the want to do what he just said.

Kanji and Misaki’s relationship- it wasn’t something they hid. All of the executives in Bonten knew that Misaki is Kanji’s woman.

They met in a club and from that day Kanji desired Misaki.

He showered her with everything she didn’t need. Kanji would never admit it to anyone but she’s the closest thing to love he has ever gotten.

On the other hand, Misaki saw him as jackpot. He was addicted to her even though her heart belongs to someone else.

But it’s fine. Because with him she could get a comfortable life.

“Y-you wanted to marry me?” She asked him but Kanji didn’t reply.

He wanted to marry her. He was planning on proposing to her on Christmas Day.

But now it’s all ruined.

“I-l I’ll say yes if you still want to…”

Kanji’s rage disappears for a moment. He wanted to smile and be happy for once but his world would never allow such thing.

“Well I can’t now.”

His rage returns.

It’s one thing to be ordered to kill but it’s another to be ordered to marry.

Misaki knew she didn't love Kanji. And she also knows that she will never fall in love with him. It's just impossible.

But she couldn't help but feel disappointed after his words.

Yes, she will never love him. But she knows him. And she knows he'll never leave her. He'll never disregard her for any other woman.

"W-why?"

"Because I'm ordered to marry a fucking bastard." Kanji spat out with fury.

"I-"

"Don't ask me any more fucking questions!" Kanji snaps startling Misaki. He leaves her in the balcony to get his favorite whiskey.

Kanji's rage sometimes scares Misaki. But every man in the crime world has their own temper.

Misaki closed her eyes and sighed. She then followed Kanji to the bedroom.

Kanji was slouched on a chair with whiskey in his hand. His face was full of rage and Misaki knew what Kanji would like for the night.

"You don't need to marry me. I'll be with you either way. Married or not." She says and Kanji chuckles.

She kneeled down between his legs and started to unbuckle his belt. Kanji placed his liquor down and watched as Misaki took out his cock.

He didn't say anything and simply watched as she licked the side of his shaft. She then slowly nibble on his tip before taking half of his enormous length.

Kanji sighed in pleasure as he felt her wet warm mouth. She twirls her tongue around as she bobs her head up and down making erotic wet noise as she goes.

One of the reasons Kanji likes Misaki is the fact that she's an elegant woman who gives a blowjob like a whore.

Misaki pushed her head down as far as she could before pulling away and spitting on his cock before licking one of his balls.

"Just like that... fuck..." Kanji says head thrown back.

She begins sucking on his balls as she strokes him fast. Misaki took her time licking him before returning on sucking his tip.

She felt his cock getting harder and the salty taste of his precum cued her that he was getting close.

Kanji surprised her when he stood up and slammed his cock far back in her throat. He begin to fuck her mouth fast.

His whore struggle to breathe but he didn't care. He needed to release the frustration he had.

Just when Misaki was beginning to lose breathe he slammed his cock farther than he has ever done and came inside her mouth making her gag.

"Don't spit." He order and with a teary and ruined mascara his whore obeyed and swallowed every last drop of his cum.

"You always looked pretty right after I fucked your mouth."

Satisfied, Kanji went to take a bath.

Mikey ordered him to marry the bastard.

And the king's words must be obeyed no matter what.

So, as much as he hates it. He'll meet his future wife at exactly 7:40 pm at the Hilton Hotel.

Plagiarism Is A Crime

[thevelaryons]

Hello! Speaking only of the book, because I've lost hope with the series, do you believe Corlys loved Rhaenys until the end or not? Because there are behaviors he shows that suggest Rhaenys was his other half even beyond her death: him going against Rhaenyra; his refusal to remarry, even though this could have prevented him from forming an alliance with the Greens and potentially risking his life. Yet, at the same time, he betrayed her with a young girl with whom he had two children, whom he preferred as heirs over Baela and Rhaena. I'd like to know your opinion since I find your analysis really interesting!

Hi! Yes, I do think Corlys greatly loved his wife, even despite cheating on her.

When it comes to cheating, obviously opinions will vary. Since we're talking about fictional characters here, and someone like Corlys who is very morally gray, I think the context of the affair needs to be considered.

Just going off the timeline, the affair seems to have begun around the time Laenor & Rhaenyra were married and it ended around the time the Jace/Baela & Luke/Rhaena betrothals occurred. People only suspect that Corlys had the affair because he's so eagerly pushing for Addam/Alyn to be legitimized as heirs to Driftmark. Corlys could have openly acknowledged his sons as his heirs since his wife is dead so there's nothing for him to be afraid of. Though if he did that, it would reflect badly on Rhaenys (everyone knows her husband cheated on her) and Rhaenyra (Joffrey would have to be denounced as a bastard to remove him from the Velaryon line of succession which makes Rhaenyra guilty of high treason). The other option is to present the boys as Laenor's sons. This only reflects badly on Rhaenyra (everyone believes her husband cheated on her). Corlys chose the second option, and by doing so protected Rhaenys' image.

In the book, Corlys put the life of a mariner behind him for the sake of family (before the Dance, the only one time Corlys sails with his fleet is to fight in the Stepstones to clear the pirates out of his backyard):

At seven-and-thirty, the Sea Snake was already hailed as the greatest seafarer Westeros had ever known, but with his nine great voyages behind him, he had come home to marry and make a family. “Only you could have won me away from the sea,” he told the princess. “I came back from the ends of the earth for you.”

I've mentioned this before but Corlys' bastard sons are always mentioned in reference to the Driftmark succession. Because that was always the real issue for Corlys. At the time of Corlys' own affair, his son was newly married. It turns out that his daughter-in-law has been having an affair with another man (Harwin) even before she married Laenor. She's most certainly not willing to do her duty in this marriage. His son is too busy grieving over his dead lover (Joffrey). He's also unwilling to do his duty in this marriage. When the marriage was arranged, it was expected that Rhaenyra and Laenor would do their part to have heirs no matter how unwilling they might be. But obviously those two have minds of their own and a certain refusal to conform to the patriarchal expectations placed on them. Also at the same time, Laena was stuck in her many years long betrothal to the Braavosi boy. So that's another thing for Corlys to be frustrated about.

The perfect family that Corlys had probably envisioned for himself is unravelling spectacularly. He came home from the sea for this. At no point though is there any indication that Rhaenys would be seen as part of the problem to Corlys. Still, he turns to the sea (the 'mar' in Marilda comes from the Latin word meaning 'sea'). Corlys is certainly wrong to deal with his frustrations in a way that would hurt Rhaenys if she knew the truth. But he is a privileged man in a patriarchal society that says its okay to cheat so long as you're discreet about it.

I do go back and forth on what exactly Corlys was trying to achieve with the affair. Did he just want to find some peace in a relationship completely removed from his situation with his family at High Tide? Or was he actually attempting to sire Velaryon-blooded heirs? With Addam and Alyn, he does get an heir and a spare. Since the Jace/Baela & Luke/Rhaena betrothals happened sometime after Alyn's birth, Corlys might have rethought his plan. So he decided to settle for the present situation at High Tide, but kept the idea of his own bastard sons as his heirs in the back of his mind, in case a future need might arise.... After all, Corlys is the type to have a backup plan to the backup plan so it's certainly possible. His actions in the book all indicate that he places a priority on his own blood. So the Velaryon cousins never stood a chance to inherit Driftmark (Corlys would rather give it to Luke who is not his blood but is betrothed to Rhaena who is). Since Corlys has the typical Westerosi male-preferential mentality, I think he would have considered the Dragon Twins as heirs in their own right only if there was no possible male option of his own blood left to him.

Apart from Marilda who gives him his heirs, we get no other mention of Corlys having an affair (obviously the affair does have its own issues with the age difference and power imbalance). But Corlys' one and only affair is said to end around the same time as his grandchildren are betrothed to each other (perhaps a solution to the problem?). Like I said, everything always points to the Driftmark succession crisis. Dare I say, if that issue had never arose in his family, then Corlys might've never cheated on Rhaenys.

[2knightt]

OMG DARLING! YOU NEED TO DO: Johnny W A motherly s/o 😱😱

↳heaven is calling my name₊˚✧

➬ johhny cade x motherly!reader

a/n:i love it when i get a req from you😭 the nicknames got me giggling n shit. TWO FICS IN A ROW!! i am on a ROLL.

his type. definitely his type.

confides in you?? for everything??

“y/n, i was so stressed out today. why are there so many chocolate bar options? i was freaking out in the middle of walmart for 15 minutes.”

“aw, i’m sorry johnnycakes. but, did you at least get your chocolate bar?”

“…no. some little kid started to rush me so i walked off.”

please just listen to him. no matter whatever he says, just listen.

it makes him happy to know he doesn’t have to just have his head down and nod all the time.

“and then—wait, i’m talkin’ to much, ain’t i? sorry, doll. i didn’t mean to ramble.”

“johnny, don’t apologize when you did nothing wrong. what happened next? did dallas do anything?”

“…”

he just stares at you lovingly and sighs like he’s dreaming.

“yeah—he punched the guy. you look real pretty right now.”

“he what?”

reassure him for everything. he needs it, so badly.

“johnny, it’s okay. what you are feeling is okay. everything is going to be just fine.”

“you think?”

“i know so, love.

he’ll try his best to reassure you too! he knows that even though you’re a nice person, it gets tough for you too.

“baby, it’s okay. i’m here for you, i always will be. you’re smart, smarter than i’ll ever be. stop worrying about something so small, please?”

you comforting him makes him feel like he saved a whole town in his past life!

you basically force him to lay down and tell you all his problems like a cliché therapist.

“and i just don’t know if i’ll ever reach his level. he’s tuff, strong, and don’t take nothin’ from nobody. while i’m seen as a wuss, the pet of the gang.”

you nod your head, tilting your glasses down as you write stuff on a clipboard.

JOKES LOL🙏^^

you just rub his arm while he talks. you never interrupt johnny while he vents to you.

n’ he likes it that way. when people interrupt him while he’s talking, it makes him not wanna talk again.

offer him food. legitimately, offer him food whenever.

he’s so grateful for it😭.

“would you like some tea? coffee? pepsi?”

“pepsi sounds nice.”

“i’ll get it for you, johnny, don’t you move an inch.”

when you leave he’s giggling and kicking his feet!!

he loves being treated like a princess. he told me so!

teach him how to bake it’d be a fun thing for him.

not for you though, since it’s johnnys first time baking he’s gonna be really nervous.

he misses the bowl when cracking an egg, puts too much milk and sugar, stirring to slow, all that.

but shockingly, the finished product is really good.

you definitely encourage him to grow more and more, to get out of his shell.

you take him everywhere you go to show him other things he could be doing, and he doesn’t mind.

you motivate him to try new hobbies, ones he never thought he’d try.

like you even got him into knitting! he thinks it’s a calming activity.

until steve and sodapop walked in on him knitting. wasn’t so fun no more.

“are you knitting, dude?”

“hell yeah man, knit me a sweater.”

“…hop off my back guys.”

being his cheerleader>>

he gets so happy when you cheer him on it’s so sweet.

“yeah, n then we won the rumble.”

“i’m so proud of you, johhny! that’s so cool!”

normalize writing notes for johnny cade to make him feel loved.

when you leave them for him, whenever, he gets so giddy with joy.

“whatcha readin’ there, johnnycakes?”

“a note y/n gave me.”

“oooo you inlove, huh?”

“..yea.”

may 20th, 2023. 11:19AM.