#but i left it vague and up to you lmfAOO | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

petorahs · 1 year ago

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@vickdoom while i was formulating a response my brain was like. wow! it really is difficult keeping this compact without torturing myself so! why not make a new post! life is easier now lmao

i agree that the EN vas are fine and the comparisons of “sub is better than dub!!11!!1″ have all but been exhausted but yea! it really can be looked past. also jp akechi and en akechi really are like two different beings entirely and i love them both so i think either way. i would’ve liked jin anyway

The weird talk about murdering a guy actually being good for him, all things considered, WASN'T a mockery, after all, and he is just really really stupid...?

I will admit, you lost me there! Is this about Jin at the final confrontation? Takaya was being quite insane at the end there I will admit and either really uncaring about his own teammate’s life or just straight up stupidly not thinking about the consequences but I would just chock it up to the desperation that comes with last-ditch efforts like his. and also bad writing. i barely remember anything from that part of the game tbh because i was emotional about SEES but true! i agree go off, slay king (doesnt really understand what this is about my bad)

I've tended to think of it as maybe a way of coping with the clash between the neurotic hyper-independence and the desire to actually keep his two friends close by just considering them a extension of himself, but the cultish angle sounds very much probable!!

also that wasn’t the intent of the point i was trying to make with the first person plural of “our chidori” LMFAOO it was a bit hard to keep things in that little comment box so i think my point wasnt explained very well but thats ok!! i mostly agree with the former, not the cultish angle thing!!

anyway on to p3 criticism :D

( i have to preface this that if i disagree it’s not for the sake of disagreeing but rather i just like having internet discourse in a chill way y’know. like i genuinely do like to discover other people’s perspectives on media and consider them! far be it from me to “defend” p3 eventho its my fav rn in fact i’ll probably agree more than otherwise. )

first of all the comparison of eva and p3 is pretty apt LMAO i haven’t watched it myself but from what i gather. both it and p3: 1) have protags that maybe reflect the target demographic in the audience (troubled youth?) 2) timeless classic according to fans. (i agree. a lot of people still talk about both till this day) 3) themes that draw in familiarity? is that the word (biblical or greek, respectively) 4) loved to death by fans and impacted them greatly

i think, the last one, is definitely due to the emotional responses the two evoked in its audience as well as the nostalgia factor. hence, criticism on p3 (idk about eva honestly) is rarely ever talked about, which is why i prompted for your opinion, cause I really do rarely see criticism on it aside from the surface level (like p3p VS fes, ken s.link, minato’s moon s.link, is the answer good etc).

there is a very specific set of circumstances that i got into p3 with that none of the aforementioned really applies to me. no nostalgia aside from the 2000s stuff which p4 also has, so! when you strip it all away i feel like it’s just a game with silly pacing among other flaws.

on to the vagueness of p3′s themes in comparison with its sequels, i do believe it’s due to the fact that the developers left it intentionally individualistic in order to not sound ‘preachy’.

- HASHINO, from this interview (which i’ll be referring to down the line as well).

there really wasn’t an end goal they set in mind, they just wanted to depict as many reactions to death as possible.

One time, I read a magazine article that discussed the various ways in which people wished to meet their end. As you might expect, the answers were just as diverse as the people giving them… but the majority of them did agree on one point: they wished to die surrounded by loved ones. -HASHINO

except for one: the message in p3 seems to lie in its social links, and that to die surrounded by loved ones, or rather knowing you impacted them positively, is “the answer”.

now far be it from me to take anything this man says too seriously since his direction of the persona games, while generally good, have so much dissonance in them sometimes with its themes that its almost painful (seen in p5 most recently). also in this same interview he says 'I’ve never successfully forged a true friendship with a girl in real life.’ and like.

hmmm on the ryoji and shinjiro bit. frickkkkk i never even pictured shinjiro in that same way i view ryoji now that you mention it,,,, this is a great depiction of the “dissonance” between themes I was talking about. although I don’t completely understand the “healthy and content millionaire raised by a loving father” part you mentioned suddenly, i think this is about takaya (strega) VS mitsuru (SEES) is it? cant say it’s about shinji and ryoji since the only thing we know about ryo’s parents is that they never existed. i wouldn’t super call the late kirijo father as outwardly “loving” either. i think i need more context on this LOL if you dont mind.

kirijo group’s unsavory practices have always been out in the open like that yeah, and no one says a thing cause i guess rich = OK and mitsuru is a baddie so = also OK. yukari tries to call her and kirijo as a whole out on it but it’s always with the underlying message of “yukari’s just jealous of mitsu” that gets resolved as soon as yukamitsu’s personal problems do. imo, i sort of liked that the kirijo group wasnt exactly a saintly company cause lbr what companies even are, but their current actions really are just reprehensible to say the least and don’t reflect their “change in ways”, that i can agree with.

now, if i were to rank the closeness of modern persona game’s main casts with eachother it’d look like p4 > p5 >p3. SEES don’t get along with eachother, this is a given. and i do think it was intentional on the game dev’s parts as seen here:

SEES are functionally colleagues with lives outside of eachother. i noticed them being referred to as “friends” during May, yes, but I noticed that only when I wanted to select yukari or junpei in the shrine fortunes, or during Fool Arcana rank ups which are semantics the game has to play by to just, get the point across to the player. they are “friends” in the same way we’d refer to our college classmates as friends, but once semester break rolls around we tend to hang out with other people, right? that’s what SEES are to eachother, at first. also, if we go by the RP-ing as the MC aspect that persona tends to do, then it’s most certainly not just ‘the game’ referring to them as friends but rather the MC seeing them as such. and i dont know, it’s a nice characterization for minato and minako to me -- seeing their dormmates as friends when they dont necessarily feel the same yet. its like they want to be close.

i have to respectfully disagree about the nuance thing as well. interestingly, even the most diehard p3 fan from what i’ve seen sometimes shares your views as well. case in point, yukari being hostile in ‘the answer’ when she supposedly went through character development already in ‘the journey’, which i presented my disputation for here. this, coupled with the junpei thing you mentioned... i think it’s brilliant! call it bad writing, but honestly. to be real. humans make the same mistake over and over before they finally get it. i know i did. especially as a 16-17 teen. these characters are in different contexts most of the time which makes them react in somewhat same ways.

let’s take junpei again as an example. at the monorail he expresses his jealousy, gets over it. during june/july, he gets jealous again, but worse, and this time he doesnt get over it too much until he meets chidori (someone he wants to have lean on him). during that time between the problem and meeting chidori, he hands a quick apology to MC, but that just marks another pivot where instead of taking it out on MC, he takes it out on himself self-deprecatingly. he knows that his problem is himself now -- that’s development to me. and lastly, his conflict with the MC comes out during the climax when he blames them for the shadows, and everything that’s happened. for making their lives hell. understandably, its a hotheaded response to have in that situation. i could see a past teen boy me that would react somewhat the same. but that is not the same as his petty jealousy anymore. all three are still dickish moves, but when we look at it, all three are pretty different contexts? feel free to prove me wrong but i see it as pretty in-line with what we know of junpei tbh.

nothing to do about tartarus im afraid <3 im the type to be okay with grindy gameplay at a modicum myself and i haaaaaated exploring when i first played p3. i almost dropped it actually (so glad i didnt) but yeah. i definitely prefer p5′s main gameplay module, and i wouldn’t mind trading the slog of two hundred+ floors for something more mementos-like.

that’s the spirit! i hope you enjoy p3 one day as much as i do :”) again, i hope this is less of me defending my favorite persona game so much as me just idk. wanting to share good parts of it despite understanding its flaws (i still think the pacing is ass even now). i do mostly agree with your points. have a good day!! (thank u if you read this far oh gosh).

I feel like the main problem with how Strega (Takaya and Jin, at least) are written is just about the game desperately wanting them to remain excessively unlikable until after they are defeated, which is…bizarre and unnecessary, to say the least. They are never actually doing anything of importance, so the narrative relies on "dehumanizing" them into stock villains, to give the players some reason to dislike or, at least, oppose them on a personal level, hence the lack of meaningful characterization. Jin's November comment about SEES "not having a clue what will happen if the Dark Hour disappears", impliedly being about the memory wipeout, since Takaya told them outright they would lose their powers earlier, is the perfect example of this, imo. He gets cut off mid-sentence, so he doesn't spoil it for later, naturally, but it's never brought up again, after eventually being reveled by Ryoji, because that is actually a pretty solid reason for them to antagonize the protagonists (imagine waking up on the streets, with no personal documents, feeling awfully sick and wondering why no one is looking for you!) but, again, they are yet to be defeated and not meant to come off as even remotely sympathetic until then. It's just very…unskillful writing. Sorry for the long message, btw, I initially just wanted to leave a regular comment, actually, but there's just so many words it apparently wouldn't fit in less than five separate responses 😵‍💫

yoooo thanks for the input. thats also a really good way of looking at it! the game needing to make them unlikeable pretty much explains things. it just ends up being really goofy. which is a shame because they really do have great backstories that remain largely unexplored.

Jin's November comment about SEES "not having a clue what will happen if the Dark Hour disappears", impliedly being about the memory wipeout, since Takaya told them outright they would lose their powers earlier

honestly? i never made this connection myself so thanks for telling me! i could see that being true and i'm about to hit that point in my replay game soon myself so i can look at it with this context. question is how could jin have possibly have known this info... my guess is ikutsuki could have fed them that info since he also supplied them with his suppressant drugs, plus they even knew about the Ruin thing that Nyx could have brought about. honestly, including ikutsuki the "antagonists" of p3 are an interesting bunch with how much potential they have that's not really explored but i guess thats just a hashino persona game thing.

also i just think between them and ikutsuki i def see strega having more sympathetic light being shone on them since they were the direct victims of old kirijo's depravity. out of all the kids, only they survived? your comment about them "not having any personal documents" just strikes me as so fcked up. damn. hope it changes a bit in reload.

#this is more than 10 comments i will say.#ans #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #much love btw :finger hearts:

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ruvviks · 2 years ago

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keep elaborating on mikhail and vitali 🔫👀😊

hehehehehehehehehehheheheee alrighty here we go >:)) banner says mikhail and vitali because they're the main characters of this post but of course vincent is also gonna be here because he's very important to me and to them and actually without him, vitali and mikhail would NOT be friends right now but that's a story for another time <3

also. i'm. i'm done typing now and um. this is very long and i'm very fucking sorry LMFAOO i just have so many thoughts about them and this specific topic was Very interesting to write about for some reason so i made it a lot Deeper than it probably should've been LMFAO but it's. it's fine <3 i'm normal about them as always

so before we start, here's a post that describes how they all met each other if you're interested and haven't seen it yet, i think that one is the most important one for Context reasons. this one and this one also explain some of their dynamics a little better but those are Optional and also Incomplete bc they focus on specific things only but yeah as you can see i have. a lot of thoughts about them all the time LMFAO

SO. HERE WE GO >:)

as i already mentioned in the ask game, most of the clown brigade (mikhail, vincent and vitali + vitali's inner merc circle + the canon characters they consider their friends) is comfortable with platonic kisses on the lips :) kinda all started with vincent because he just loves his friends a lot and it stuck around and now they're all doing it <3 vitali's office best fixer office in all of night city

however, surprisingly enough, despite sharing plenty of you know cheek kisses and forehead kisses and the like, mikhail and vitali have Never shared a kiss on the lips even though they're. you know. [gestures vaguely] like That LMFAO but there's actually a bunch of reasons for this which i will Attempt to describe

it's mostly mikhail being hesitant in all of this. the two have a lot of history together and he feels like it would be inappropriate because of that in a way? plus the fact vincent and vitali are together (but at the same time he HAS shared platonic kisses with vincent so it's definitely Deeper than that), like as i mentioned before he sometimes feels like an intruder a little bit and even though he's managed to shed most of that feeling these days it still makes him a little :// on occasion

mikhail is mostly scared of the possibility of things becoming different if they were to kiss; kind of an irrational fear, but very much real to him. first of all, there was a time at some point in their lives he WAS in love with vitali (probably in their final year of high school, haven't really decided yet but it's a long time ago); he fears that if they were to kiss, he might fall in love again and that's kind of unfortunate considering vitali is in a relationship LMFAO

and the second reason is a little Vague but it's like. he feels like a kiss would somehow be an "end station" in a way; as if everything they had was all just leading up to THAT point, one kiss, and after that it would all be over and he would just, to put it bluntly, never feel any strong emotions about vitali ever again whatsoever ://

vitali at the same time really doesn't mind all that much. he's mostly just aware of mikhail's worries about it (they haven't talked about it, but vitali would pick up on it quickly because he's good at reading people) and that's why he hasn't really initiated anything; and he would also agree with mikhail that it feels a little off possibly because they've already known each other for SO long and never did anything like that together before?? so it's just. it DOES kind of feel like an end station in a way. i hope this makes sense and if not i'm sorry LMFAO

so yeah there's a lot going on there! all of it however comes forth from the same, following issue: there's a LOT of things left unsaid between the two of them, which thus far hasn't really put any pressure on their relationship yet because it hasn't really been a big deal, but it IS a big deal when it comes to all of these worries mostly mikhail is having

the "things left unsaid" part becomes relevant very soon after the end of the arasaka chapter. i've talked about this before but i'll just talk about it again for context LOL it's basically after vincent has been stabilized and he's recovering at viktor's shop, and vitali is spending the night at mikhail's place

it's a bit awkward between them, because of one main issue: vitali had "died", mikhail blamed himself for vitali's death, but then vitali WASN'T dead and mikhail suddenly didn't have to feel guilty anymore. and then he got stabbed by brainwashed vitali but he wasn't aware of the brainwashing part yet so he just believed vitali had joined arasaka willingly, and mikhail also blamed himself for that and believed he deserved to be stabbed by vitali for it. and THEN it turned out vitali was brainwashed and then mikhail had to just kinda deal with that so. he's dealing with a Lot here

it's worse because it's the second time something like that has happened. the other time was after high school, when they separated ways to study and then lost contact with each other; mikhail blamed himself for this for the full six years, but when they reunited he learned vitali had simply lost his phone and had not been able to find mikhail back. of course it's nice to then be together again and mikhail just ended up pushing all of it away because. well. he WAS just very glad and relieved to have vitali back. but what do you do with guilt like that? it wasn't necessary, but it's still six years of feelings and emotions that are just. kinda there now you know. like what do you do with all of that. i don't know. mikhail doesn't know

and in that moment (yes i'm also still writing the fic don't worry it's coming), all of that also comes flooding back into his brain so it's very busy in there!!! because now he has guilt for two very big things that actually weren't his fault at all and he really doesn't know what to do with it :(

however, the One Thing that really causes the metaphorical bucket to overflow is the fact he's kind of. he feels a bit underappreciated by vitali in a way?? vitali used to compliment and praise him and his work a lot and hasn't really been doing it all that much lately (also because you know. the heist. and then all the in-game shit. and then he left night city. and then he came back and died. you know how it is) and it's made mikhail feel a bit :// because of. well. everything else that's also in his head

so during that night, the two actually talk because mikhail's head is so Full he can't keep his mouth shut. he's however not that great at talking and ends up hurting vitali's feelings, and all of the things mentioned above are brought up and well it just kinda turns into a fight <3 it gets resolved very quickly though because they both cannot stay angry at each other and everything is back to relatively normal within a few days but! it IS kind of like a Checkpoint in their relationship almost because this is where things start changing for them >:) in a good way >:)

of course they're also gonna have to work through the feelings of guilt they both carry etc etc but that's not what i'm gonna focus on here LMAO that's for another post <3 what i'm focusing on HERE is the acknowledgement of work and general appreciation and stuff like that, because now that vitali is aware of that, he can start to work on it again >:)

it's not that he just. stopped doing it because he doesn't appreciate mikhail of course, it's mostly just the fact it all became routine, almost; he's become so used to mikhail just perfectly executing gigs and the like, it's become routine and he sometimes just forgets to tell mikhail that he appreciates him

however, now that he's doing it again (actually using Words, important side note here it'll make sense later trust me) it feels a little awkward for some reason?? and unnatural?? vitali at first just assumes he needs some more time, but at some point after a gig he notices mikhail is Really uncomfortable and vitali apologizes and honestly tells mikhail he's not sure what's up and why it's so difficult suddenly

that's when mikhail realizes that he actually doesn't need vitali to tell him he's done a good job :| oops :|

mikhail basically realizes he's been comparing himself to other mercs and noticed how vitali was praising them and not him, and he felt a little left out; without closely looking at himself first and realizing he did not actually need it himself :) you know how brains get sometimes :) but yeah he decides to just bring that up to vitali because he now knows that Staying Silent about it is not the way to go! see they're learning

(the next part is copy pasted from my notes because i liked how i worded it so pardon the sudden writing style shift but i'm sitting here losing braincells over them)

vitali thanks mikhail for sharing this with him and when mikhail apologizes vitali reassures him it's okay and he appreciates it a lot, and says it takes a lot of courage to speak up especially when you already fear it won't come out the way you want it to. he reiterates it's okay and he's not mad at mikhail at all, and COMPLETELY understands why mikhail felt left out

he explains to him the reason he encourages and praises a lot of his mercs (specifically newer ones, and also specifically vincent) is because he can tell a lot of them 1) have low self confidence or 2) have been severely mistreated by other employers and/or fixers, and vitali wants to give their confidence a boost and wants them to know the work they do is appreciated. there's also some who don't require it, and then he usually lays off, except for bigger gigs; or when it goes wrong, in which case he assures them it's alright to fuck up sometimes and it won't change anything, as long as it doesn't become a regular thing (in which case vitali would still check up on them first to make sure it's not something in their personal life that's causing them to be like this, rather than immediately kicking them on the street)

vitali explaining all of this to mikhail helps a LOT, because now mikhail sees the underlying pattern and motivations and it helps him make sense out of it all in the bigger picture. he feels a little embarrassed now, and somehow feels like he should've known; vitali says even if he could have known, it's still easy to get your judgement clouded by your own feelings and emotions in the matter, and vitali would never hold that against him. he asks him if there's anything he can do for mikhail to make him feel appreciated as well, since words of affirmation clearly aren't working that well; mikhail thinks about it for a moment, but then admits he doesn't actually know

however, in the following days mikhail very quickly learns what DOES help; it happens when he brings vitali some tea one day at the office, since he hasn't seen him all day and is a little worried about him. vitali barely looks up from his work, but still mutters a sincere "thank you, love" and grabs mikhail's hand before he can walk away to softly kiss the back of it

for some reason, that gesture makes mikhail feel like how he used to feel, back when they were still teenagers and vitali would hug him or something like that; a feeling he hasn't felt in a long time. it's strange because when he thinks about it, the gesture really isn't new; vitali does stuff like that often, but it had become so normal to mikhail (in the same way mikhail's great work became normal for vitali) that he barely noticed it anymore. he feels a little guilty for not picking up on these things before, especially considering he made such a big deal out of his feelings of underappreciation (see this is why the "appreciation with Words specifically" thing was important earlier lol. the dots are Connecting)

this is when mikhail decides to talk to vincent actually LMFAO there's so much going on in his brain. if i were him i would just be crying right now i think. more copy pasted notes below i'm so sorry my writing style is all over the place in this post

talking to vincent suddenly is a lot easier than talking to vitali and mikhail throws everything that's on his mind out, from the fight that happened between them (vincent has already been slightly aware of it, but now gets all the detes) to vitali trying to put in more effort to them realizing mikhail never really needed that to mikhail now realizing vitali has been showing his appreciation the entire time already. he thinks he's making little sense and apologizes to vincent when he's done rambling, but vincent waves it off and says mikhail is making perfect sense to him actually (their brains are tuned to the same frequency, it's fine)

vincent says there's probably a lot more there that he isn't aware of, but to him it just sounds like they both got stuck in a routine together to the point a lot of their interactions were starting to feel neutral at best, and all the positive feelings they used to get from it are seemingly not there anymore because it's become their new neutral, so to say. he thinks it's good that mikhail suddenly felt overwhelmed by emotion from vitali's gesture; to vincent that's a sign the routine has been broken up, so he thinks it would be good for them to give it some more time, and for mikhail to focus more on gestures just like that one to see if that helps him feel loved again

SO THAT'S WHAT MIKHAIL DOES!! i'm so sorry this is already so long but i'm not done yet i'm so sorry do you all still love me

anyway mikhail does as vincent says and gives it some more time, and very quickly picks up on a lot more things vitali does; the little smiles he gives him when they pass each other in the hallway, the gentle arm squeezes in conversations he doesn't give to anyone else, and the way he always says something positive about the things mikhail says (small remarks that can be easily missed, such as "you make a great point" before continuing the convo). AND IT HELPS!!! it makes him feel good, like vitali always used to make him feel when they were younger, and it's refreshing :)

mikhail eventually gathers the courage to talk about it to vitali; he starts by saying he talked with vincent, then tells him what vincent said to him (nearly perfectly quoting him, because he memorized his exact words), and says he thinks vincent is right; he tells him he has noticed a lot of little things vitali does that make him feel appreciated, and he says he feels a little embarrassed he hadn't noticed it before, even though it HAD in fact all become routine and it MAKES SENSE he didn't notice it anymore

he apologizes to vitali for having jumped to conclusions so quickly; he feels like it could've been avoided had he talked to vitali about it more, and he feels bad for the hurt he's caused him. vitali thanks mikhail for coming to him with all this and says he really appreciates it, as he himself had been unaware of it as well and this clears a lot of things up. he's glad to hear mikhail feels a lot better and hopes the things he himself does is enough; he still feels like he's lacking, and asks if there's anything else he can do to make it more obvious. mikhail assures him that's not necessary at all (to bring up my favorite quote ever: "is there anything nicer, any greater honor you can show me than simply being with me and allowing me to sit in front of you?")

mikhail then also asks if there's anything he can do for vitali; if anything, all of this has made him aware of the fact he himself might have also not been showing vitali all too much affection and appreciation, and he worries vitali feels similar to how he used to feel before his realizations; he really wants vitali to feel like he's feeling now again, and wonders if there's anything he can do to make that happen

vitali tells him that is also not necessary BECAUSE HE ALREADY FEELS SO LOVED BY HIM. ALL THE TIME. he says he feels like there's been so many moments at which mikhail could've easily walked away from him, and it would've been justified, yet mikhail always stayed, no matter what. and he has been showing him affection and appreciation; bringing him something to drink, cleaning the apartment when vitali and vincent were both at work, doing the stupid paperwork vitali has been dreading to do for days now, and so on. he admits it has started to feel like routine for him; but now that he's aware of what's going on, he can focus on breaking the routine as well, like mikhail has done. he thinks with a little bit more time he'll feel a lot better as well, and mikhail agrees

more time passes and vitali goes through something similar as mikhail; he's suddenly a lot more aware of the little things mikhail does and it makes him SO HAPPY but most of all relieved as well. he's missed this feeling, and has been subconsciously wondering where it had gone- to have it back is reassuring, and he feels a lot better knowing it was all just a misunderstanding and not them "falling out of love" (in a platonic way but like. you get my point LMFAO)

SO. that all brings us back to the kissing thing. well two things actually LMFAO basically all of this has made mikhail and vitali realize some stuff and it also changes some things in their behavior

first of all, up to this point, vitali has been hesitant to say "i love you" to others (except for vincent of course). he brings this up to vincent one day (inspired by mikhail; vitali feels a little embarrassed he never considered talking to vincent about any of this, feeling like vincent could've helped them out so quickly had he known about their struggles AND HE IS RIGHT BECAUSE VINCENT WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO PREVENT ALL OF THIS FROM HAPPENING but it's ok. it's fine. i'm over it) who immediately reassures him it's 100% okay to say that to people, and saying it often / to a lot of different people does not take away its meaning. if anything, it reinforces it with each time it's said, and saying it (and meaning it) to a lot of people would just mean he has a lot of love to share- which, to vincent, he truly does

so, vitali starts saying "i love you" a lot more to his friends- mikhail specifically, but others as well, and even though it feels a little strange to him at first, he becomes a lot more comfortable with it very quickly. AND THIS IS WHAT HELPS MIKHAIL SO MUCH because his views of romantic versus platonic affection have been a little messy thus far, since he struggles with putting names on his own ways of showing affection, as well as others' ways toward him. this has all made him realize it really is not all that black and white, and the more he worries about trying to make "sense" out of everything the more pressure it'll put on him, as well as his relationships with others. he starts saying "i love you" to people a lot more as well and this allows him to let go of his views, and allows him to just feel what he feels and not worry about it all so much

AND THAT'S WHERE THE KISSING THING FINALLY COMES IN HALLELUJAH because as i mentioned before, when it comes to a kiss on the lips mikhail is 1) worried he'll fall in love with vitali and 2) scared it will be like an end station, but!! neither of those are true!!!!

one, he has ALWAYS ALREADY LOVED VITALI. ALWAYS. not in a romantic sense (ok except that one time maybe but not anymore) but he has truly always loved him and if anything, yes sure, a kiss could reinforce that feeling, but how is that a bad thing?

and two, vitali is never going to disappear out of his life, and mikhail would never allow him to fade into the background. mikhail thinks that it COULD have happened (had they kissed at any time before their fight, any time before they figured out what was going on between them; the whole normalization thing, the routine that needed to be broken etc etc) because in a way, that HAD already caused vitali to fade into the background of mikhail's life a little bit, and especially considering mikhail's worries, a kiss could've definitely caused that to happen even faster. but now that they're aware of the routine, and know it could happen again but also know how to combat it, if anything, a kiss could be just the thing to break it up, and to give them a reset. like a fresh new start :)

so that kind of sums up what their deal is LMFAO they basically just needed to snap out of that routine in order to realize a lot of things about themselves and about their relationship, and now that they've done that they're comfortable enough to also share platonic kisses like the rest of the clown brigade :)

this is also a good moment to bring up something i left in the tags LMFAO, i Have in fact considered a polyam relationship for mikhail, vincent and vitali but i've decided to Not go there actually, this is mainly because i really like the friendship dynamics they currently have going on and i feel like putting them in a romantic relationship would kind of undermine that in a way, plus all of the growth they've gone through etc etc

on top of that, vincent would also feel pretty uncomfortable and a little shoved to the sideline if mikhail were to join his relationship with vitali, because of the history they have together :// vincent is in comparison to them only "just" there and it would make him feel very upset, so i don't think it would last all that long and it could possibly even drive them all apart further to the point they might not even be friends anymore :/// so yeah i'm not going there <3 LOL

anyway that's all of the thoughts i have right now i think?? it's. it's a Lot again. and the reason some of these notes are so detailed is because i kinda wanted to write a fic about it but also i wouldn't know how to structure that well so have this lore post instead LOL

this entire thing can also be labelled as MY journey from being :// about mikhail and vitali platonically kissing each other on the lips to Actually Realizing it's not that Big of a Deal but. we don't have to talk about that <3 LMFAO don't perceive me i've said enough

#asks #mutuals #faarkas #ask:mikhail #ask:vitali #oc asks #if you read all of that: i would die for you and i'm not kidding <3 #anyway. they're in here huh. jesus christ #so much going on in my brain as well GFHDHGD mikhail and i are the same person #thank u for this ask >:] i love typing stuff like this and then i'm sitting there like the fish at the end of finding nemo #smth so personal and special about lgbt+ friendships. idk besties!!!! i'm thinking!!!!!!!!#spinning all of them in the microwave. brain scrampled eggs rn but on god are they still in here

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vydante · 5 years ago

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Trust Me | Natasha Romanoff x Stark! GN! Reader

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: GN! Reader x Natasha Romanoff - Platonic/ Romantic, up for interpretation...

Plot: There was no way around it. It was either you or Natasha. She didn’t want you to go, and obviously, you didn’t want her to go either. You knew she was as hard-headed as you, so you came up with a plan to get the soul stone, even if you had to lie to Natasha about it.

A/N: (shitty) Angst. Endgame spoilers, but if you haven’t seen it yet by now... Then don’t... Don’t read this... I Guess lmfaoo... Inspired by this post on Instagram. I wanted to show Natasha some love, and since she Did Not Deserve To Die (not to say that Clint does), might as well Kill Someone Else ;) And this was originally a male reader fic, but it was vague enough so that it can be gender neutral.

“... It’s going to have to be one of us.”

Your jaw clenched as you were sat on the ground next to Natasha, who held her head in her palms.

You were silent as you peeked through your lashes to look at the bastard who was already up here. He’s also silent as he looks at you, almost through your soul as your guts clench with anxiety.

“... What if he’s bullshitting us?”

Your voice was quiet.

She didn’t answer you, though you didn’t really need an answer to that question. It was inevitable. Neither of you could ever go back from this- you had only one chance to get the soul stone, no matter what it took.

Your lips were pressed in a fine line.

You thought about it logistically, trying to find some way to justify you being the one to jump.

Family?

You winced.

No, that wasn’t really a great one to start off with. Biologically speaking, you had your father, Tony. You’d know he’d miss you beyond words, after all you saw him grieving for Peter first hand. And Pepper would be devastated from losing you, her first- if not technical- child...

As for Natasha...

As far as you and the team knew, she doesn’t even know her own family members or if they were even alive. Hell, she didn’t even know her own father’s name when the red skull guy said his name.

But, either way, the team would miss her... And besides, Tony would still have 2 kids left- Morgan and Harley-, and if this whole thing works, 3 since Peter would come back.

And chances are if it does work, then they could just... Use the Infinity Stones to resurrect you, right?

It was a gamble to take, but if it meant that you were to be the one who jumped, then so be it.

But... How were you going to convince her to let you be the one to jump? There was no real guarantee that you could be resurrected, and even then, she’d argue that she should be the one to jump since she’s older than you.

She always used that to her advantage, saying that her age came with more wisdom than you’d ever have. Even if the age gap wasn’t all that big, she’d still say that.

You sighed quietly.

Either way, there was no real way of going around the argument that she should be the one to jump. All of the logistics point to her being the one to do it, even if you didn’t want to admit the facts.

Your head buzzed with ideas until one hit you.

“(Name)?”

You stood up abruptly.

Was this going to work? What if she doesn’t agree with your plan? How are you going to convince her to go through with it with you?

You held your hands out to her and she took it with a curious but grim expression. Chances are, she’s probably thought of a million ways to get you to stay behind.

“Follow me...”

You held her hands with a tight grip as you walked towards the edge of the cliff. You were a few feet away from it as you stopped and turned around to look at her in her eyes.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you spoke in a low, quiet voice, trying to make it seem like you didn’t want the red skull guy to hear. Either way, it didn’t matter if he heard you or not, but it would at least give some sense of slyness that should spark some hope in her.

“I have a plan, Nat.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Care to tell?”

She kept her voice at a soothing calm tone, but you knew better than that. Her palms were getting a tad bit sweaty. You really didn’t know who she was trying to calm down- you, or her.

“I know this might sound really stupid, but most of my plans are stupid but they work. You just... Please, just trust me, okay?”

You weren’t lying. Whenever you used to suggest plans to the team when you were all in your prime time, it sounded absolutely bonkers. But never had they failed you, so no matter how ridiculous it was, the team always trusted you and your plans.

“Okay. I trust you.”

She nearly whispered that her warm breath momentarily heating you up as you both stood on the cold clifftop. You searched in her eyes for any hesitation. Any reluctance, any doubt.

There wasn’t any of them in her eyes. Just trust and mutual understanding.

Your heart ached.

She trusted you.

You were thankful that you kept up that little tidbit of yours up until the bitter end. You were thankful that she trusted you. Just so you could use it to your advantage.

“To keep it all short... We jump off together.”

Her eyes widened and her mouth opened. She tried forming words, looking into the windows of your eyes, searching for humor in them. Only seriousness.

“... What...?”

You squeezed her hand and felt your heart swell when she squeezed right back.

“Look, Nat, both of us are stubborn as a mule. You won’t let me jump, I won’t let you jump.”

You shook your head as you pulled her in for a hug. She didn’t hesitate to wrap her hands around you as you murmured quietly.

“But... I have a plan, and that plan needs us both to jump.”

She leaned back, but not enough to separate herself from your embrace. Her lips quivered as she tried to smile at you.

“(Name)... I don’t...” She shook her head as she cast her eyes down. She rested her forehead against yours.

“... I don’t know, (Name)...”

You strained a smile as you closed your eyes.

“Natasha, do you trust me? Yes or no?”

You prayed that she said yes. There was a lingering doubt in the back of your head. What if she said no? What would happen then?

Knowing Natasha, she... Oh God, she wouldn’t hesitate to try and beat you into the ground, just to prevent you from jumping off.

You both knew in your heart, even if she was more skilled than you, you had an iron suit for god’s sake. You could easily overpower her into the ground, even if that meant having to do the worst just so she could stay down.

You opened your eyes and stared right into hers. Emotions were swimming through her eyes as they were illuminated by the dim sky.

“... Yeah... I trust you...”

Relief flooded your system. You were glad. If she had said no, you two would eventually have to brawl for the cliff.

But as quick as the relief came, it left and was replaced with anxiety.

If your plan worked, then...

You stepped back and faced the cliff. You held her hands with a vice grip as you both approached the edge. You swallowed the lump lodged in your throat as you teetered over the edge. You take a quick glance down as your stomach dropped to the floor.

It... You were so high...

You snapped out of it when you felt Natasha squeeze your hand. She’s smiling at you, which makes your throat clench up. She thinks it’s a good plan.

She thinks it’s a good plan.

You clenched your other fist behind your back, trying to get rid of tears threatening to come out. You looked away and down at the bottom of the cliff before glancing back at her with half-lidded eyes. You chewed on the inside of your mouth as you sent her a smile.

“Trust me, Nat. I have a plan.”

You prayed that she didn’t hear the uncertainty in your voice.

You two stood there for what seems to be an eternity before you nodded at her, and leaned forwards together and off the cliff.

The cold wind hit you with more force than you were expecting.

You felt like you were flying in your suit, freefalling as you always did in your free time.

Only this time, your suit wasn’t going to save you.

You still held hands with Natasha as you were both falling. Blood rushed to your ears as you pulled Natasha close for a hug. She returned it back and you saw her lips moving, but you couldn’t really tell what she was trying to say.

You glanced up- or down, since you both went head first, and saw the ground near. You couldn’t see the ground from the cliff, but now, you saw it clearly.

Strangely, it was rather clean. Just rubble.

You swallowed as you heard F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice in your earpiece.

“7 seconds until impact.”

Shit, you had to act quick.

You glanced back at Natasha, and you could tell she was getting extremely nervous as the ground got closer and closer as each millisecond passes.

“5 seconds until impact.”

You snaked your hands over to your nano-tech storage center- it was conveniently on your chest, just like your fathers. You tapped it and felt the nano-tech forming rapidly. Only this time, it wasn’t wrapping around you.

It was latching itself onto Natasha.

‘Take her to the top.’

The suit commanded your last order. You pressed your lips firm on her forehead and pulled back, mouthing her your last words.

‘Trust me.’

Her eyes widened as you pushed away from you and watch as the suit form at light speed over her body. She’s trying to struggle out of it, but the suit simply holds her in one place as she screams at you.

“(Name)!”

You sighed quietly and watched with a smile as the suit completely forms over her. The suit immediately flings itself upright and uses the leg thrusters to stop her from descending with you.

Quickly, her figure fades away from your view until the fog takes over. You couldn’t really see the cliff top from here, but you closed your eyes.

It wouldn’t really matter now.

All that you could do was pray that the next time you saw her, she’d forgive you for using her trust in you to your advantage.

“... Where’s (Name)?”

Tony asked Natasha. She avoided his gaze and stood there silently.

Steve frowned and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Romanoff...?”

His voice was gentle but firm. Natasha’s lips quivered as she lifted her head up to reveal her glassy eyes. Tears gently slid down her face as she locked eyes with Tony.

Realization passed Tony’s eyes as his hands trembled. Fear rushed through his palms as he furrowed his eyebrows. He clenched his hands as the shook.

“No...”

“Tony...”

Thor approached him from behind and placed his hand on Tony’s back. He turned around to look Thor in his eyes, and all Thor saw was immediate grief.

“My baby...”

Tony’s voice trembled as he gripped Thor’s bicep. Clint and Scott hung their heads as they didn’t know what to say. Bruce shook his head as he clenched his jaw, tears already slipping down his face.

Natasha’s voice was caught in her throat. She wanted to say so many things to Tony right now. She wanted to fall to her knees and beg for his forgiveness. She wanted to cry and yell and scream and punch the ground for letting you- letting you trick her into jumping with you.

She wanted to do a lot of things, but she could only say one last thing before she tasted her tears streaming down her face.

“... It should’ve been me...”

#gender neutral reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x male! reader #natasha romanoff x male reader #male! reader #natasha romanoff #male reader #x male reader #avengers #avengers x male reader #avengers x male! reader #avengers: endgame #avengers x reader #angst #reader insert #gn reader

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meaniegf · 8 years ago

Text

tagged by @dimplehobi thankies 💌

rules: answer the q’s and then tag 20 people at the end

nickname(s): none lol

gender: female

star sign: scorpio

height: 4′10 lmfdaoo

time right now: 1117AM

last thing i googled: emails mystic messenger (I REDOWNLOADED THE GAME OK YES)

favorite bands: well other than bts n my kpop groups paramore probably

favorite solo artists: mnfksdf idk

song stuck in my head: not today

last movie i watched: i dont remember :O probably your name that was so long ago

last tv show i watched: i dont watch much tv

when did you create your blog: this blog??? uhhh feb 2015 mayb

what stuff do u post: :+)

when did ur blog reach its peak: uh idk really probably in late 2015 when i started making original content

do you have any other blogs: ya my food sideblog @/eatrin LMAO

do you get asks regularly: nah not really :O

why did you choose your url: bc jin... so handsome and perfect.. for Why

following: 439

posts: 28164

hogwarts house: its either hufflepuff or gryffindor

pokemon team: mystic bitch

favorite colors: black/red/maroon/burgundy

average hours of sleep: 7-8 is my ideal

favorite characters: .............uchiha itachi

what are you wearing right now: striped shirt and shorts

how many blankets do you sleep with: one

dream job: a .. middle school teacher but im stuck at the preschool lvl for now

dream trip: !!! japan/s.korea!! new zealand bc my friend said its awfully pretty aaah OSWIN WE BASICLALY WANNA GO TO THE SAME PLACES LETS GO

92 truths tag

tagged by @okimtae for this one this iS SO LATE BUT thx sophie 🌷 AH and i love ur blog theme btw its so cute

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose 25 people to tag!

LAST… [1] drink: water [2] phone call: my mum [3] text message: probably something vague like “JVXCJVSD” [4] song you listened to: 드림 by bolbbalgan4 xfzmnf i luv the song sm [5] time you cried: like. i think... 3 days ago?

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no i havent kissed yet [9] lost someone special: yeah my grandpa [10] been depressed: lmfao [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no i havent gotten drunk sfdFSDlgsjk

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] black [13] red [14] ..maroon/burgundy

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: uuuuh yes if u count online [16] fallen out of love: who [17] laughed until you cried: i think so [18] found out someone was talking about you: yeah! but in a good way [19] met someone who changed you: i guess, [20] found out who your true friends are: wat r friends [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: yike.. no.. i dont even fb anymore

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: uh probably like 98% [23] do you have any pets: no :( [24] do you want to change your name: nah [25] what did you do for your last birthday: doing my kids’ report cards..... lol [26] what time did you wake up: uhh i had trouble sleeping for some reason so i woke up late like at 10 [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: i dont remember [28] name something you cannot wait for: uhhhh i want a nice job n to have money asap [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: two days ago [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my anxiety.. be gone with it [31] what are you listening to right now: nothing [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: no [33] something that is getting on your nerves: a lot of things [34] most visited website: uh tumblr probably n then like yt [35] elementary: sucks ass [36] high school: ugly but tolerable [37] college: fun while it lasted [38] hair colour: black [39] long or short hair: uh ....... its to my chin [40] do you have a crush on someone: does jimin count [41] what do you like about yourself? ill get back to u on that [42] piercings: multiple on both ears, 4 incl a helix one on left and then three on right [43] blood type: I duNNO this stresses me out i need to find out so i can read up shit like personality articles based on blood types [44] nickname: none [45] relationship status: lmfao [46] zodiac sign: scorpio 👅 [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fav tv show: i dont rly watch tv so., [49] tattoos: none [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: does sticking some hot rod up my nose count bc i used 2 hav alot of nosebleeds and had to go for some ENT treatment the doc literally burned the hot metal rod and shoved it up my nose [52] piercing: ears [53] best friend: uh [54] sport: uhhhh [55] vacation: malaysia lmfaoo [56] pair of trainers: i dont think i ever had trainers

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothing.. i should eat tho [58] drinking: nothing [59] i’m about to: start crying in the club [60] listening to: the A/C vent noise [61] waiting for: nothing [62] want: to hold a cute boy’s hand [63] get married: ill think about it [64] career: left my previous job but im a preschool tchr

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: both [67] shorter or taller: taller [68] older or younger: older, but the women in my fam r with younger guys so we’ll find out lmfaooo although personally i prefer older men .. jin hmu [69] romantic or spontaneous: idk [70] nice arms or nice stomach: why not both [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive? [72] hook up or relationship: i dunno, [73] troublemaker or hesitant: i think i have enough hesitance in me to cover for the whole r/s

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nah [75] drank hard liquor? nah [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? nope [77] turned someone down: i dont think so [78] sex on first date? nah [79] broken someone’s heart? hopefully , JUST KIDDING probably not [80] had your own heart broken? not romantically [81] been arrested? nope [82] cried when someone died? yea [83] fallen for a friend: nah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? good qn [85] miracles? not really [86] love at first sight? nah [87] santa claus? no lmao [88] kiss on the first date? i mean whatever [89] angels? yea?

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: a what now [91] eye colour: black or dark dark brown. but it looks black [92] favourite movie: ghibli movies, your name

2 lazy to tag xmkdfsd but if u can do it if u wana !

#rin was tagged

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sorikkung · 2 years ago

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omg ahhhh im so flattered these kinds of reblogs/reviews rly make my day im so 🥹🥹🥹 thank you so much 🥹🥹🥹🥹

mans in the weirdest most amateur setup in his life and he's just rolling with it, hitting the ground running, tubatu and the aussies may have emotional involvement but my guy Hwa is 100% into it for the beauty of the art and i gotta admire that

this made me chuckle. mans has never acted in his life outside of drama class so he has NO point of reference and is just sitting here like. This Is Normal 🙂 not a singular thought going on in that pretty head </3 except for. How To Act™. hes a bit of a goof.

i also happen to think we deserve to do a bit of arson at the wedding. as a treat.

yknow, there was no actual arson planned in the original plot description, but then again, i never wrote down the full plot description and only have a vague idea in my head with some major landmarks and not the how we get to them, so honestly, there very well could be arson at the wedding. frankly, that'll be as much of a surprise to me as it is to the rest of yall. i am shamelessly winging half this fic SDFJKGKSJDFKHJSD

also props to him for doing it without any misgendering, despite how likely it might have been from reader's homophobic parents (as far as he knows)

sooo fake homophobia is ok but fake transphobia is where we draw the line? LMFAOOO nah this was deliberate because the reader is not explicitly trans. idk if i slipped up and put something to imply otherwise in previous parts, but i am very deliberately leaving the physical description of the reader vague, other than simply Male and Punk, to make it inclusive for all the men who stumble across this, whether amab or afab. as a transmasc myself i do read the reader to be trans, so in my mind his parents Are transphobic and probably sprinkle some of that in too, but i wont write it like that, itll just be left in my imagination ver. if you Do what to see a badass transmasc reader face down transphobic parents, i will shamelessly plug my oneshot fic focused on that entire topic if you havent read it already, of princes and princesses.

Yeonjun praise kink confirmed

oh yeah, thats blatantly obvious on purpose SKJDFGKJSDF and very canon to the real yeonjun we know n love, he loves hearing praise, id be doing him dirty if i wrote him any less LOL

They could be jealous or angsty and in other stories it would be totally justified but i do like that above all their complicated history and feelings they're still serving obnoxious best friend energy lmao

keep in mind what we're seeing here is Strictly the reader's pov - we have no idea whats going on inside their heads rn. that being said, they are Always serving obnoxious best friend energy LMFAOO

Dear passengers, the train bound for acknowledge-your-feelings-ville is making an emergency stop in denial-town for the foreseeable future due to a malfunction of the emotional perception recalibrator, we apologize for the inconvenience.

LMFAO. i laughed at this one hsdkjfgksdfkjgksjfd yeah it rly do be like that sometimes!

Okay so my assumptions for their reasons are:

Yeonjun's into it and was very much rooting for these two guys he finds cute to get together (then with him 'cause this is still a polycule hm?), i also think he wishes reader praised him as much as he praises lix lol

close! hes definitely into it, but not so much for the sake of seeing them get together - its purely just the voyeuristic glee of seeing two guys he finds cute be cute together. hes just enjoying the show. he also cant wait for his turn again.

Taehyun could be taking note of what reader likes and what else he can do to impress him. also there's a non-zero chance he's got his arms crossed and one fine eyebrow raised as the only indication that he's feeling anything but neutral

yeah, spot-on - he might be smirking a little because he's perceptive enough to notice how flustered the reader got, but yeah, you basically got it.

Hongjoong's boring holes in their heads trying to understand wtf is up with those weirdos staring at each other and not saying a thing?? like what kinda nt nonsense is going on here JUST TALK JUST EXPLAIN THINGS FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK (not a little bit projecting his own inability to confess to Hwa tbh)

AHAHAHA thats a funny interpretation, but no, he's staring at them realising he's going to have to show this kind of affection with the others - particularly seonghwa - but maaayyybe hes thinking of a certain couple and the man in front of him as well 🤭

Love how everyone got their little moments, even those who weren't the focus of this chapter, and how no one was forgotten as the fic went deeper into specific characters' feelings—everybody still got to live and react and be there rather than become one with the furniture which is a feat i've seen professional showwriters fail at lmao

not gonna lie, this was a really, really hard balance to find HSKFDGKJS and one of the things that i was struggling with in all my rewrites. with so many characters in one room, i cant just ignore what the other characters are doing, but i also cant keep updating each individual reaction from each of them bc 12 is too many and itd just feel forced. we got there in the end tho, so im glad it was noticeable enough for you to comment on it <333

The way all their emotions have been entwining and strengthening has me both absolutely enamoured but also kinda scared that things might get worse before they get better. I am praying for the polycule to develop good healthy efficient communication ahahahhh

ahahahaha well! ! they'll get there eventually <3

Once more very happily mentioning how nice it is that no one's getting jealous, i know it's a poly fic so that's part of the package but still, i feel it's worth pointing out, especially with how often love stories rely on jealousy for conflict yk?

yeah i hate jealousy plots too, but only when its romanticised or accepted as a thing that doesn't need to be addressed, yk? like, maybe address the Why youre getting jealous instead of stopping the What makes you jealous and making it the other persons fault... but i digress. jealousy is not not something completely removed from polyamory though. i dont know how far im gonna delve into that, but we've already seen mild jealousy from felix and soobin, they just dont make it the other persons problem sdfkgskjfdkj we'll see where that goes, but don't worry, you won't see any toxic monogamy ass jealousy coming from me.

overall, thank you thank you thank you for such an in-depth and wordy review, this is the shit that really keeps us writers writing yk :') so it means the world to us <3 glad youre enjoying this much thus far 🥹🥹🥹

good boy gone bad | 27

bad bitch lessons, a.k.a the "audition"

wc: 4.8k

a/n: my god we're FINALLY BACK after half a years unofficial hiatus because i forgot how to write <3 on god i wrote this chapter 4 times and its not my favourite still but im not writing it a 5th and i like it Enough so i hope yall enjoy it too SDFGKJSFD we should be able to pick up the pace quickly with normal smau chapters soon :) thank you all for waiting!!!

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Having a dozen men all crammed in a one-man studio apartment is about exactly as cramped as it sounds. How you wish you could have had one of those more spacious studio apartments, complete with floor to ceiling windows, a proper kitchen, and a living room. For now, you will have to settle for six men sitting on your bed, Wooyoung sitting on Yeosang's lap at your desk, Chan and Felix standing in the bathroom doorway after washing the dye and bleach out of their hair, and Hongjoong standing ominously in the corner, pouting after realising the “fake” in the “fake punk polycule” included the punk part, and not just the polycule.

You make do.

Describing exactly the kind of character you want them to play is the easy part – cocky, brash, sleazy and obnoxious are the names of the game, and if everyone absorbed your in-depth explanation as much as Seonghwa has been diligently typing it down on his phone, you think this should be a breeze. The next part of the plan is to see them in action and test their wits — in other words, time for them to audition.

By whatever miracle, you are able to explain the auditioning process without tipping off the others to you and Wooyoung’s little deception – he catches your eye during the explanation and gives you a grateful wink – and set up the scene for your improvisation game. These boys need practice, as too much unfamiliarity will be far too apparent on the day, and it’s already going to be a tough sell to prove that you managed to pull twelve boyfriends. You damn well might be in over your head with this one, but you are in too deep to pump the breaks now.

“Basically, I need you all to show me what you can do. Cause if your acting does not cut it, I’m gonna be the laughingstock here and my back-up plan is probably arson.”

Beomgyu snorts from his spot on your bed. “I think arson is a pretty good back-up plan.”

“Pretty good except for the criminal charges, yeah. So, time to partner up! Who’s got the balls to go first?”

Seonghwa blinks a few times, looking at his phone, then looking back up at you in confusion. “Why is your back-up plan arson?”

“I’ll go first!”

Saved by the bell, Yeonjun pipes up just in time to avoid another hasty bluff to throw the aspiring actor off your tail, and you have no idea if he did that on purpose but you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth either way.

“Perfect, who do you wanna do it with? For the first scenario, I’ll play my dad.”

“I can-“ Hyuka speaks up, but you notice Soobin tugging on his sleeve and freezing in alarm at all the eyes on him, and it seems to make Hyuka hesitate as well. There’s an obvious tension there that you can’t quite place the origins of, but judging by the way Wooyoung is excitedly biting his nails, you figure you can pry later. “Um. Uh-“

Yeonjun smiles at them apologetically, then turns back around to you. “Actually, I was hoping you’d be my partner for this.”

He says those words like he intends for them to linger, and you figure after how forward he’s been so far coming onto you that he means it, but you don’t want to throw Felix under the bus like that after he begged you to bring him along so he could shoot his shot with the man, so you try not to indulge him too much.

“Oh.” You try to ignore the way that makes your face heat up. “Sure, okay. Yeosang, you play my dad, act really judgemental and pissy at us.”

Yeosang wrinkles his nose. “I don’t want to be your dad.”

You were hoping he would say that.

“Perfect! You already know your lines. Annnd, action!”

His disgruntled expression is honestly quite fitting for the role you just cast him in, and Wooyoung stands up to instinctively take what you assume is the role of your mother as he leans on the backrest of your desk chair to mutter to him, “I cannot believe him right now. Does he really think crashing the wedding with all his friends will do him any favours? If only he’d just settled down with a nice girl…”

Yeonjun stares the couple down, then takes a confident step towards you; that’s about as far as he gets before he visibly falters. You raise a brow at him.

“That’s your cue, Yeonjun. If they’re talkin shit, it’s time to act up.”

He fidgets with his sleeves, posture shrinking in on himself, and suddenly his striking appearance and features look far less intimidating than they did just a moment ago. “Um. Well. I should first probably uh… ask. How far I’m meant to go with this?”

You get the feeling you know what he’s asking by that, but not being entirely sure, you press. “What do you mean?”

“Like…” he takes another step closer, this time all the way up in your personal space and cages you to the wall with both arms. His stance seems confident, but the look on his face is very pointedly not, a stark juxtaposition to his usual shameless bravado. “Like, how far can I go to cause a scene? Cause if I was really with my boyfriend hearing his parents spout that shit about him, I’d just kiss him on the mouth and see how mad they get.”

“I like how you think.”

“Is that—” Yeonjun wets his lips in anticipation, wide eyes flicking between yours and your lips as he leans in even closer, “—consent?”

It’s honestly quite charming of the effortlessly flirty one to be so concerned with explicit consent even now, so you just take the leap for him and grab the collar of his shirt, closing the distance. The others erupt behind you, hoots and hollers all drowned out by the feeling of Yeonjun’s plush lips on yours and your heart dancing in your chest so wildly you think it could trip and fall out. He seems completely caught off guard, taking a moment to really process what was happening before he’s kissing you back with such a shocking gentleness that when he reaches up to cup your chin with a feather-light touch, you almost feel like you should slow down for him.

Instead, you back off, leaving him there gawking at you like you just grew a second head while his fingertips ghost over his lips where yours just were. His ears are flushed pink.

“You’d think you’ve never kissed a guy before, with that face you’re making,” you tease, flicking his nose. “It’s very cute. But as much as I enjoyed that, it doesn’t exactly quite have the impact I’m looking for, and that’s exactly why I set today aside to practice— we have to act familiar. It has to be natural, and comfortable, otherwise it’ll be very obvious that it’s an act.”

The way Yeonjun droops at the comment makes you want to rescind it, but you have enough restraint not to. It is quite clear to you now that Yeonjun obviously does seek your approval a lot more than the others do – such as much was hinted to you by Beomgyu, but his reaction here further confirms it – so you want to be nice to him, but without playing a clear favourite.

Lord knows what Felix will think, is the first rogue thought to cross your mind, and suddenly reminding yourself why he’s part of this plan in the first place, you look over to glance at your best friend in horror – did you just string him along this whole time to go directly for the one guy here you wanted to wingman him with most? – but surprisingly enough, the look Felix gives you two isn’t one of burning jealousy or betrayal.

He has half his fist in his mouth and his eyes are positively sparkling.

You make a mental note to ask him about that later.

“Aw, don’t look too down, that took guts to go for straight away!” You turn back to praise Yeonjun, affectionately clasping his shoulder, and he nods quickly with a tiny, hopeful grin. “My only feedback is to not be so careful. I’m not gonna flip out at anything less chaste than a peck, I’m trying to cause a scene. Has to be somewhat scandalous, without, y’know, actually getting us arrested for public indecency.”

Yeonjun chokes on nothing, then recovers with a laugh – but before he gets to say anything back, Taehyun has bolted upright from his seat on the bed, a sudden determination in his steely gaze. He makes himself quite difficult to read, whether on purpose or otherwise; you know factually that this man has some sort of crush on you, that is, if Beomgyu’s word is truthworthy, though, you have no real reason to doubt him thus far. Unlike Yeonjun who wears his heart on his sleeve, Taehyun’s expression remains consistently unreadable to you whenever you observe him. Part of you wonders just how much of that wall is intentional. Regardless, the words that come out of his mouth next are the ones you expect the least.

“Let me try.”

It’s not a question. He gives you room to decline, but it’s very pointedly not a question, and just that confidence from one of the more reserved members of the group is enough to get your heart thrumming again – not that it had much of a chance to calm down yet. Your mind flickers back to the back-n-forth between him and Gyu in the group chat, the hickeys left all over his neck, and the tip he oh-so-graciously gifted you in a pre-emptive strike of revenge, and suddenly you feel hot.

“Sure, go for it.”

Taehyun grabs you by the back of the neck. He doesn’t even hesitate, pulling you in to slot himself where Yeonjun was just a moment ago, crashing your lips together and shoving the other man out of the way with his free arm as he backs you up into the wall again, pressing you against it and kissing you breathless. He’s fucking intoxicating, the way he dares to taste you on his tongue without care for the audience around him, without care for anything else except his hands in your hair and on your hip and the way he gasps against your mouth when you loop your arms around his shoulders and hook a leg around his waist. He shoves his hips forward against you in response and the others react so loudly your neighbours probably thought everyone’s favourite soccer team scored a winning goal.

“Woo! More tongue!” Beomgyu hollers, and Taehyun doesn’t even break the kiss for the one moment it takes for him to presumably flip him off, if the hand leaving your hip was any indication, followed by a very prompt “Fuck you too!” from his roommate. You realise quickly that he isn’t going to be the one to pull away first, so regrettably, you push him back with a coy smile and a thin string of spit connecting your mouths.

“Eww, gross,” Soobin snickers, hiding his laughter with large hands over his mouth. “Wow, I’m shocked. I didn’t think you had it in you, Tyun.”

He shrugged in what sure looks like nonchalance, but you start to think it looks more like self-restraint, given how keen he was on not stopping. “He said he wanted a scandal, and if that won’t scandalise his conservative homophobic parents, I’m not sure what will.”

It takes you a good few seconds just to re-gain your ability to speak, but by then, he’s already turned back to you with his hands in his pockets and a smug grin on his face. Fuck, you must be blushing – the way Chan and Felix are grinning at you from the side with a knowing look in their eyes tells you you’re probably definitely blushing.

“So, how was it?” he prompts cockily, and you hate the way you instinctively swallow and betray how flustered he got you that easily.

“G-Good,” you hum weakly, clearing your throat before repeating yourself. “Good. Um. Yeah that was like, kind of exactly what I was looking for. Flying colours. You pass! Though, I have to say, and don’t get me wrong I am thoroughly happy to kiss you all, um, we do kind of need to be able to sell the act without relying on just. Making out repeatedly every time they look in our direction. Try and save those for when they seem the most pissed off. But yeah, that was like… good.”

Felix wriggles his eyebrows at you suggestively. “That good, huh?”

“Oh, shut up and get over here,” you mutter, making a harsh jerking motion for him to come forward and save you from your embarrassment – he has a towel on his head from drying out the dye in the sink just before, so you snatch it from him to quickly and roughly towel-dry it to distract yourself from your burning face. The black hair looks good on him, you think, the way the dark wet strands fall in front of his face and frame his features in a way you haven’t seen on him before – last time his hair was any darker than blonde, it was his natural brown and didn’t reach past his eyebrows, and now his hair was getting long enough at the front to tickle his nose. He looks like a completely different person, and frankly, now is the worst possible time for him to be looking a lot more attractive than you would allow yourself to internalise prior.

“Right, so we gonna show them how it’s really done, now?” Felix teases, and you punch him in the arm with a scoff, making him recoil as if you just bowled him over. You can’t even tell if he’s gotten flirtier with you if he’s just pulling your leg, but you did say you would use him as a demonstration for the kissing part. Not that you need to, anymore, with Taehyun setting such an example, and you tell yourself that’s a good thing. “Ow, ow! How you wound me, lovebug.”

You wrinkle your nose at both him and how hard you’re thinking about kissing him now. “Don’t call me lovebug.”

“Why not? Aren’t we meant to be boyfriends, now?”

A breathy laugh escapes your lips at his attempts to lighten the mood while you finish towel drying his hair and tossing the cloth into your laundry hamper, fixing the strands atop his head to sit nicely.

“Yeah, yeah, but lovebug is a bit much, I think. You’re on the right track, though, take notes of that everyone – casually dropping pet names between each other in a way that looks natural will be perfect for making a convincing polycule, so utilise that, just try not to lay it on too thick.” You’re back into dedicated drama teacher mode before you even know it, Felix content to stand beside you with a curiously pleased grin as you explain to everyone further.

“For today, I don’t expect all of you to start kissing each other on the mouth, but I do want you all to start getting familiar with breaking the touch barrier, obviously within whatever your partner consents to. Using Felix as my example, some other things I’d like to see and focus on are placements of hands—” you wrap yours around Felix’s waist, and he’s quick to mirror you, only to blush when you slide a hand into his back pocket, “—or small yet intimate actions, like, tucking hair behind their ear, playing with each other’s hands, touching their neck, things like that.”

You demonstrate each action on Felix as you say it, and by the time you have a hand on the side of his neck and caress it gently with your thumb, you find he’s completely relaxed into your touch, leaning back against one of your shelves as he pulls you in front of him between his legs and plops his chin on your shoulder with both arms around your front and playfully patting patterns on your belly.

“Hey,” he murmurs, breath fanning against your neck, and you can hear the smirk in his voice that’s usually so playful and silly but now, standing in front of everyone like this, has goosebumps rising on your skin. “I think just playing around with each other will look the most natural. Real couples do stuff like this all the time, right?”

Frankly, you fully expected you would be using Felix as a human test dummy, figuring he would be content with you throwing yourself at him all you want for the purpose of demonstration, and comfortable enough to do so, but you hardly expected he would be the one demonstrating anything on you of his own accord, and you swear it must be the residual adrenaline of kissing the two men before him that has you still riled up and on edge enough for the rumble of his deep voice in his chest pressed to your back to make your legs feel like jelly. Only a little bit, though, you are not getting genuinely flustered over the flirtatious actions of your best friend, rather, merely surprised at him being a lot less shy in front of others than you thought he would be. Not that he’s ever really been shy towards you, not in a long time now, especially when it comes to things like physical affection, but… you don’t know where that train of thought is going anymore.

“Right, yeah,” you agree, pliantly allowing him to grasp your chin and turn your face towards his, so he could plant a tiny little peck on your nose and beam at you widely. His face is so close, and unlike the previous two, you have not thought about having this man’s face so close to yours since the two of you were in high school. His face has filled out so much since then; he’s lost all the baby fat in his cheeks, his jawline sharper and his features more pronounced, and now that he’s actually started using chapstick his lips aren’t permanently chapped and gross anymore either, in fact they’re now quite glossy and shapely-

You look away before he can kiss you.

You didn’t even realise you were staring so hard at his lips until you were leaning in, and all you hear of the commotion from everyone else around you sounds like static. Gyu is screaming, Wooyoung is cheering, Yeosang is trying to stop him from climbing onto your desk chair, Soobin has bowled Hyuka over with his face buried in his back while the newly-bleached blonde just laughs at him, Yeonjun, Taehyun and Hongjoong seem fixated on you and Felix, all for different reasons, Seonghwa is furiously typing down notes on his notes app again and Chan is nowhere to be found. Probably in the bathroom washing out his hair dye, you think.

“Yeah, so, um, all of that, and like, of course general flirtatiousness, is the kind of thing I’m looking for, even better if you can be an obnoxious prick about it,” you joke, trying to seem chill with no idea how well you were actually succeeding in it. “So, partner up and have some time to practice, I’m gonna go finish up Chris’s hair and then I’ll come back to evaluate y’all.”

Felix’s brilliant grin falls to a slight pout when you pull away from him, arms trailing after you as you leave for the bathroom. “You good?” he calls out after you, and you want him to know he didn’t do anything wrong to make you uncomfortable, but you also can’t handle looking at him right now when the face of your old high school crush in the body of a supermodel stares back at you, so you have to leave.

“Yeah, I’m fine! Just juggling this many people and makeovers is hard,” you reassure him with a slight smile, and that seems to console him enough to allow you to dip to the bathroom and leave the door only slightly ajar behind you, letting you take a deep breath to collect yourself.

Good fucking god. Okay, so Felix is hot now – that shouldn’t really come as a surprise to you, but it does, because you’ve spent the last god knows how many years trying to tell yourself he’s not really your type anymore, but especially in the clothes you picked out for him and his hair styled like that, he fucking is. He’s the spitting image of your type and all of a sudden with the balls to match – or maybe he’s had the guts for a while now, but you pointedly did not want to notice – and you do not know how you are supposed to feel about any of it. You already have a crush on one of your two closest best friends, you definitely don’t need two – especially on one that already rejected you years ago, and especially not when surrounded by plenty of other equally as attractive and far more eager men who would give you their time of day.

You shake your head, ridding yourself the thought, instead letting yourself linger on the kisses you did have, how different they felt but how heart-fluttering each of them were anyway; Yeonjun’s uncharacteristic shyness and gentleness, how cutely flustered he was after in a way you really want to tease more, and Taehyun’s shocking boldness and confidence, how handsy of a kisser he is, how determined—

“Hey, can you pass me that towel?”

And of course, your actual crush, the one you oh-so-desperately want to get over but it’s kind of hard to do that when he’s standing shirtless in your shower with streaky blue dye dripping down his face and neck.

“O-Oh, yeah, sure.”

It’s not the first time you’ve seen Chan shirtless and definitely won’t be the last. That man hates wearing shirts around the house if he doesn’t absolutely have to, and even pants are optional if its warm enough, but you will never truly get used to seeing his muscular body that he works so hard on, all on display like this. You’ve gotten a lot better at not staring as much, though, not that he ever seems to notice, and just as good at acting like it didn’t affect you at all, so falling back into the familiarity of that is a relief after the whirlwind of emotions you just went through outside.

Once Chan finishes towel-drying his hair into a bright blue fluffy cloud, he slips his top back on, re-attaches his earrings and accessories, and it’s only now when you get to realise just how much effort he’s put in his appearance today to match your aesthetic. Not that the two of you were ever that far apart in that respect – he too didn’t have much colour in his wardrobe other than black, and preferred clothes with a bit of an edge to them, albeit, cranked down a significant few notches from your usual over-the-top attire.

When he looks at his reflection in the mirror, though, he doesn’t seem too happy with it.

“Something’s missing,” he mumbles, scratching his chin. “I don’t know what it is. But while I’m dressed the part, even with bright blue hair, it doesn’t quite feel… drastic enough, I guess. I feel like I still just look like the guy down the road your parents know and like enough.”

You give him a long, hard look – while you’re pretty sure part of it is his own low self-esteem not being able to see himself as cool, intimidating or attractive in any calibre, he has a point – he still looks too soft and familiar.

“Can I put makeup on you?”

Chan brightens up at that a little. You wonder if he was hoping you would say that.”

“Sure!”

You grab a stool from the corner of the cramped bathroom where you had the boys sit in earlier for him to sit on, but once you get your makeup out and decide on what kind of look you want to try on him, you realise it’s a little too low for you to work on his face without bending over. Glancing over your shoulder at the crack in the door, and hearing all the liveliness out there filter through it – shrill squeals, lots of laughter, some yelling, someone’s started playing music again – you decide you don’t want to leave the quieter comfort of your bathroom into that chaos just yet, so you straddle Chan’s lap on the singular chair with a shrug and get to work.

Chan has to steady you with both hands on your waist so you don’t both go toppling off the stool – suppose not having a back made it a little more precarious than anticipated, but his strong arms hold you in place just fine. You try not to think about it, because you really, really don’t need to be thinking about that right now, and try to simply focus on the dramatic smoky eyeshadow you’re applying instead that you think will really pop with the spare blue contacts you had lying around that’ll make his warm and approachable gaze a lot more piercing.

He doesn’t say anything, so neither do you, despite your heart beating arguably heavier now than it was what you were being pressed to a wall and made out with – and it becomes a lot more dangerous to think about that now instead of a welcome distraction, because his face is so close that you can observe every little detail, including the tiny, faded little freckles that dust his cheek in the warmer weather, and how plump and soft his lips look. Fuck. You’re rather glad he has to keep his eyes shut for you to do his eye makeup, because you’re looking down at his lips a lot more than you’d usually allow yourself to, but with all the kissing talk and practice and the weakness you’ve always had for his thick, perfect lips, you are just not a strong enough man today.

His hands shift you closer on his lap, and you feel just the slightest bit more insane.

“Open your eyes?” you ask him, to observe your work and snap you out of it, and he blinks at you a few times cautiously. A smile is creeping across his face, the nervous kind you’re all too familiar with – he has a certain smile he does when he knows he’s being perceived whether he likes it or not, and it’s just as adorable as it is saddening that he clearly has no fucking idea how breathtaking he is.

“How is it?”

“You’re beautiful,” you breathe out, a little choked up. The situation seems a lot more tense than you intended it to, but he must feel it too, because he shies away under your gaze. “I mean it. Not because of the makeup, I just used it to enhance your features further, but I really just…”

I really just think you’re fucking gorgeous.

What the fuck has gotten into you today?

“Just… what?”

You slide off his lap, ignoring the way his grip on your hips tighten for the slightest second before letting you go to rummage through your cabinet for the unopened blue contacts you knew you had in there. “Here, put these on. I think they’ll really complete the look.”

He shrugs, taking them from you and taking his time putting them in, not all that used to putting in contacts, but it isn’t his first time, either. You’ve roped him into enough cosplays with you and Felix over the years to have him familiar enough with the process of putting them in, and eventually he turns back to look at you with an icy blue gaze that is equal parts unsettling and arousing.

“Yeah, you definitely look fiercer now. Take a look.”

Chan finally turns to the mirror, taking in his new look, and his long evaluation of himself seems more intrigued this time around than distasteful, which is a win in your book. If he likes what he sees, maybe your confidence can start to rub off on him some, too.

“Wow,” he exhales, twisting his face this way and that. “I look like a completely different person.”

“Not really.” You know that it was against the point, so you elaborate. “Just a different flavour. You’re still the Chris I know and love, but you look more… confident, almost. And half of any act or aura of intimidation or coolness is just that. Confidence.”

“Confidence, huh…” Chan stands up a little straighter, squaring his gaze a bit more and trying to channel his inner you. He looks hot. Ridiculously hot. But that really can’t be your focus right now. “Yeah. I feel more confident, too. I’ll try see if it’s enough for me to put the moves on one of the boys,” he chuckles, and you smack him on the ass and playfully shove him out the door.

“Go get ‘em, tiger.”

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