#but i laugh to myself and think what would happen when s5 drops and they see not one but two canon gay couples who have kissed on screen

[rebelmeg]

Rebelmeg's TSB Mark VII Masterpost

I GOT MYSELF A BLACKOUT FOR THIS ROUND OF THE @tonystarkbingo!!!

S1 - Would You Rather...? | Gen | Iron Family | fanfic

While Tony recovers, Morgan keeps him entertained.

S2 - Tea and Sympathy and Seeing Too Much | Gen | Peggy Carter & Phil Coulson, referenced Pepperony and Ana/Edwin | fanfic

In which awkward SHIELD agents have tea and deal with seeing too much PDA.

S3 - Rebelmeg Drabbles - Chapter 31: Stunned into Stillness | Gen | Iron Family | fanfic drabble

Tony holds his daughter for the first time.

S4 - Not Yet: Chapter 12 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death, Tony & Harley Keener | fanfic

Taking his arc reactor out is always a bad idea, but Tony doesn't think twice this time.

S5 - Laugh Lines | Gen | Pepperony & Iron Family | fanfic

Pepper has spent years watching the subtle (and sometimes unsubtle) ways Tony's face has changed. This one is probably her favorite.

T1 - Wingmen and Airmen, Flirting and Flying - Chapter 1: Two Drink Limit (Limits Were Made To Be Tested) | Teen | Carol/Rhodey, Tony/Maria Rambeau | fanfic

Tony and Rhodey are having a night out before an important Air Force/Stark Industries presentation in the morning. As it so happens, so are Maria and Carol… Except they know who they're talking to, while the boys have no idea that the ladies they're talking to tonight will be the same ones making their jaws drop tomorrow. Rhodey lays down the law, Tony scoffs at the very idea, Carol is considering hijinks, and Maria is up for the challenge.

T2 - Not Yet: Chapter 14 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death | fanfic

The time Tony didn't die.

T3 - Not Yet: Chapter 8 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death | fanfic

Finding out about the palladium poisoning, and trying to fix it, turns out just as well as you could expect.

T4 - I Want You Back | Gen | Pepperony | fanfic

Pepper asked for the separation when Tony couldn't let go of Iron Man. Then, when she got what she asked for, she realized just how much she was giving up. And found a way to own up to her own shortcomings, and meet the love of her life halfway.

T5 - On and Off the Record | Teen | Pepperony | fanfic

Pepper is a broadcast journalist. Tony is a big-time CEO. When their chemistry makes them friends at first sight, it's really only a matter of time until they finally turn into something more.

A1 - Hot and Bothered and Gone on You | Teen | Pepperony | fanfic

A few weeks into Pepperony’s new relationship, Pepper’s heat comes early. And they haven’t talked about it yet.

A2 - Gingerbread, Cocoa, and Coffee | Gen | Tony & Bucky | fanfic

Tony tries to pull one over on Bucky, who is (unsurprisingly) not fooled. Also, there's a real big gingerbread house.

A3 - Tony's New Cars | Gen | Pepperony | fanfic

Tony seems to have replaced all his cars. Pepper finds out why.

A4 - Not Yet: Chapter 5 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death, Tony & Rhodey | fanfic

Tony faces a very unhappy new year.

A5 - Wingmen and Airmen, Flirting and Flying - Chapter 2: Darts and Tequila and Pairing Up | Teen | Carol/Rhodey, Tony/Maria Rambeau | fanfic

Rhodey braces himself to make his move, Tony makes his, and last call comes as a surprise to everyone.

R1 - Optically Deficient Is The New Sexy | Teen | Pepperony | fanfic

Tony ponders the positive effect Pepper's reading glasses have had on his life. In bed.

R2 - Not Yet: Chapter 9 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death, Tony & his Bots | fanfic

Getting out of his banged up suit after his disastrous birthday party isn't going very well.

R3 - Not Yet: Chapter 1 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death, Tony & Maria Stark | fanfic

Tony's life begins with Death.

R4 - Not Yet: Chapter 7 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death | fanfic

In Afghanistan, Tony visits Death again. And again, and again, and again.

R5 - Not Yet: Chapter 4 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death, Tony & Rhodey | fanfic

Tony's night in the lab does not go as he planned.

K1 - Bot Shaming - Part 11 | Gen | Tony & Dum-E | social media post

In which Dum-E continues to be a disaster with a fire extinguisher, and Tony continues to be a shocked and appalled Bot Dad.

K2 - Not Yet: Chapter 11 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death, Tony & JARVIS | fanfic

Tony doesn't like being buried alive, suffocating, and drowning all at once. No, he does not.

K3 - Strictly Ornamental | Gen | Pepperony & Iron Family | fanfic

Tony is doing some last-minute (see also: forgotten) gift-wrapping while Pepper tries to keep their baby out of the Christmas tree.

K4 - Wingmen and Airmen, Flirting and Flying - Chapter 3: I'll See Your Hangover, and Raise You Another | Teen | Carol/Rhodey, Tony/Maria Rambeau | fanfic

The boys are having just as miserable a morning as could be expected after their night out, but when they finally do show up at the demonstration, a couple of familiar faces are there to greet them.

K5 - Primal Satisfaction (of the Clothes-Stealing Variety) | Teen | Pepperony | fanfic

Pepper really understands her husband. Both his possessive caveman side, and his nostalgic pack rat side. Rhodey would really rather not hear about it at all.

ADOPTED PROMPT: abuse - Not Yet: Chapter 2 | Teen | Tony Stark & Death, Tony & the Jarvises | fanfic

An act of neglect sends Tony into Death's arms once again.

ADOPTED PROMPT: Next Generation - It's Good To Be Back | Gen | Peter & the Stark Family | fanfic

After the Snap and everyone comes back, Peter visits Tony in the hospital and meets someone he didn't expect.

[bibliocratic]

For your writing prompts, I’ve always found that the phrase “for you” has a certain gravity, so maybe something with that? :3

This was such a good prompt, which is my only excuse for why this is three days late and barely counts as a drabble at all.

jonmartin, post-S5 domesticity and parenthood

“He was showing me another room he's made it to on his game,” Jon offers as an explanation as he ambles back into the living room. “Some sort of creepy dungeon, lots of what I can only presume are zombies. He can turn into a dragon now with this magic cloak thing, it's all very sophisticated.”

Martin, whose knowledge and ability with video games both started and ended with having a go on someone's Game Boy Colour one rainy school break, makes a supportive, 'showing-interest' noise as he feels around for the remote before finding it wedged under his thigh, muting the sound of a gritty BBC drama he is clearly not enamoured by. He shuffles over to make room on the sofa. Disturbing the cat, who jumps off his knees, casting a betrayed gaze upon the offender before she haughtily goes to commandeer the high-backed chair usually taken up by Jon.

“Dragons are one of the few things that haven't turned out to actually exist, and tried to murder us.”

“Oh, don't be like that,” Jon smiles as he drops down next to him.  Martin's got a beer out of the fridge now Lewis has gone to bed, and Jon leans forward to snaffle it from the coffee table, takes an  slow sip, winces at the flavour and puts it back down on its coaster. “Swimming's at ten Saturday, isn't it? Still haven't fixed his goggles.”

“Half past, they had to move the rota round for some other thing,” Martin says distantly.  In the background, someone on the TV has their mouth bared in shouting, and some grim-dark poorly shaved detective is holding a gun.

Martin's shoulders are set tight. He's twisting his wedding ring round and round and round, fidgety and unsettled all evening, and now he's leant forward with his elbows on his knees, half-way through a beer on a Thursday night even though he can get funny about drinking in the house on a weekday.

“You want to talk about it?” Jon asks quietly.

Martin frowns, but doesn't ask how he knows. His palm opens from clenched to fold their fingers together, his touch chilly from the condensation on the bottle.

Jon waits for him.

Martin clears his throat. He sources out the remote again and flicks the TV to standby, the dour detective vanishing morosely.

“I'd like to talk to you about something,” Martin replies eventually. “And I know that we're not going to agree on it, but I want you to at least – hear me out, alright?”

“Alright,” Jon says carefully. A frown has rooted on his own face, but he pushes the curious simmer to a lower heat and tries to be patient. “Alright. What – what do you want to talk about?”

“What happened last week.”

“Martin...”

“Let me finish,” Martin says, his tone slightly sharper. He doesn't shout, never in the house. The only time Lewis sees his dad raise his voice in anger, he's belligerently got his hands in the guts of the boiler, pride the only thing stopping him call a plumber, or else he's stubbed his toe against the side table he always manages to catch.

Jon lets out a heavy breath.

“Fine,” he says. “Fine – we – we can talk about it. You know what I think.”

“Yeah, well, I don't.”

“It was an outlier. It doesn't mean there's a conspiracy.”

“I can't see why you're downplaying this. It was a threat, and you got hurt.”

“A few bruises from the fall. Look, Daisy and Basira handled it. They were – they were a lone Hunter. It wasn't anything organised, so I don't see the need to twist myself in knots when it won't happen again.”

Martin scoffs dismissive. “Last I counted, we've had three 'it won't happens again' in the last ten years. Face it, we've been lucky. This one got too close.”

“So what are you suggesting?” Jon says, deliberately calmly. Martin'll get to his point eventually, but he'd rather cut through whatever he's been stewing in for the past several hours.

Martin throws up his hands.

“I am suggesting that we consider the very real possibility that something like this might happen again. Something worse than some mangy Hunter or clueless cultist. These things out there.... there's more than one of them who'd see a former Archivist as a threat, Christ, I just want you to take this seriously...”

“I do take – ” Jon's voice spikes before he exhales hard and lowers his tone again. “Of course I take this seriously. Of course I worry. But if someone came here, if anyone came here, I'd – I'd Know....”

“Knowing didn't stop you from getting hurt,” Martin insists.  “It – it doesn't make you invincible.”

“I've never thought that...”

“We need to prepared, is all I'm saying. Your... the knowledge you get from the Eye, it's so much, it's so much less than before. So what if it's not enough, what if it tells you something too late or not at all?”

“Martin, I'm not going to get myself worked up over maybes.”

“Maybe you should!” Martin snaps.

They are both bullishly quiet for a moment before Martin holds his hands up again.

“Alright,” he presses on, lower pitched than before. “Alright, then lets deal with facts then. Fact number one: there are – there are forces out there that want to see you come to harm.”

“Martin.”

“Am I correct?” Martin repeats. His gaze won't leave Jon's. His temper's made his neck and throat go blotchy, but he's pressing his hands down too hard on his knees to stop their tremors.

Jon meets his eyes.

“Correct,” he says. Because it's what Martin wants to hear, because it's what Jon tries not to think about when the night-time drags loud and sleepless, and every noise he cannot account for takes on the guise of malevolence.

“Fact two,” Martin continues. “There is the possibility – no, no, listen to me, Jon – there is the chance, however small, that those forces, those people, could come here.”

“So what, we should install more locks? Buy more fire extinguishers?”

“This isn't funny,” Martin says waspish.

“I'm not laughing,” Jon replies dogged.

Martin lets out another aggrieved noise. He takes a moment, steeples his hands against the lower half of his face.

“That Hunter,” Martin says slowly. “Had our address on them. Knew where we lived. If Daisy and Basira hadn't sorted them out, they would have come here, and tried again. And if it can happen once, then it could happen again. A-and some of those people, the ones that serve their gods a-and want to make a name for themselves by going after an Archivist – ”

Here Martin's voice catches thready, the centre of his terrors finally excavated.

“I can't – I can't protect you from that, Jon,” he confesses. “I can't protect Lewis from that. And if someone comes here, what if you can't either? You're not – you're not exactly in the game of e-exploding people any more.”

“Been trying to give it up,” Jon replies. Martin's laugh is a little wet.

“Sets a bad example anyway.”

Jon rubs the skin of Martin's hand. He doesn't know what he can say to make this better.

“I would like to propose an idea,” Martin says. Softer now. More tired. “and I-I want you to hear me out.”

“OK.”

“Whatever it is.”

“You're not exactly inspiring confidence.”

Martin gives him a Look.

“OK,” Jon says, rubbing his thumb over Martin's knuckles. “OK, I promise. Whatever it is, I-I'll at least listen.”

Martin nods, and though his lips are pinched, he squeezes Jon's hand once gratefully. He separates them, and gets up, going over to his shoulder bag slouched by the door. He'd been vague, earlier this week, when he'd gone out on an 'errand'.  Jon had assumed it was something to do with their anniversary in the next few weeks.

Martin takes out a thick clump of folders from the stomach of the bag. Jon's heart drops when he sees the green-ink stamp of an imperious owl on the front of the beige folders but he says nothing.

“I have been thinking,” Martin says, planting himself back down. “About back-up plans. Last resorts, you know.  If someone does come here, if they're more than either of us can handle, if we can't keep our son safe.”

He passes Jon the folders. They're stuffed wide with statements, corroborating evidence, photographs, police reports, newspaper snippets attached with paper clips. Jon reads the introductions of a few statements as he flicks through, feeling not a little unmoored by the way this conversation has progressed – Statement of Dai Williams, regarding a library in Blaenau Gwent; Statement of  Michalis Charalambous, regarding an unusual wedding present – and something aches in him like a barely-forgotten hunger, twinges like an old wound.

Near the top of the pile,  there's a photograph, blown up to A4 size, of a book. The backdrop of an unremarkable desk, the cover itself blue backed, scuffed and foxed with age, the silver title decorated with florid curlicues: The Shipping Forecast and Other Nautical Curiosities. There's no author.

“What's this?”

“It's a Leitner,” Martin says. Not briskly, but straight-off the bat.

Jon pushes down several reactions with difficulty. Martin knows how he feels about Leitner. Martin wouldn't bring this to him, knowing what histories have left their scars on him, and beg for Jon to listen to him if it wasn't important.

“Go on,” Jon says, and nothing else.

“This book is currently in Archive Storage, where it's been for the past twenty or so years,”  Martin continues. He's to-the-point now, direct, and Jon appreciates it.  “Those are copies of all the statements I could find related to it, or people who have been in contact with it, and it makes up a fairly consistent picture of ownership and exchange for at least the past hundred and fifty years, records get a bit patchy before that.”

“Which Power?”

“The Lonely.”

That makes Jon look up. Martin's jaw is set for an argument but his voice betrays him.

“Tell me,” he says.

“The statements are all mostly the same. The book gets found or left as inheritance or in library donations, and some poor sod picks it up. Specifically, what happens is it renders people invisible when they read it.”

Jon blinks.

“... you're taking the piss.”

“No. Practical research did some basic experiments to test it before it was boxed up properly, they've – there's notes there, if you want to read in detail, but basically, you read a few lines of it, and you and whatever you're holding can't be seen. It wears off after a while, depending on how much you've read. The researchers went up to about a page.”

“There's a catch, obviously.”

“It's addictive to some people. Some of the people in the statements can use it once, get the heebie-jeebies then never touch it again, some of them can't shake the urge. The – er invisibility is more tempting to those vulnerable to the Lonely, or so the hypothesis goes. They read a little more, a little more and then, they're just gone.”

“So it's dangerous?”

“Yes.”

“Then why? Why show me this?”

“If someone comes here,” Martin says, “If it's – if it's the Vast o-or the Desolation or even th-the Slaughter, we can't fight them. We can't, OK, we-we have nothing that we could fight them with. So we can't fight them, and we can't outrun them, and I don't think hiding under the bed and hoping they leave is going to do much either. The best we can hope for is that we have a few minutes grace courtesy of your magical eyeballs. And that would at the very least give us time, to get Lewis somewhere safe, get out of harm's way, to go to Daisy's or something.”

“And your great plan is that we use a Leitner to what, turn invisible and sneak away unseen?”

“I'm asking you at least consider it.”

“I have considered it and it's – it's a Leitner, Martin! You know how I –  They're not toys, they're dangerous!”

“I know that! Of course I know that. But so is being unprotected! We wouldn't be using it for – it would be a last resort, nothing more. You can read the statements and the reports. I've read them all, over and over again, I-I've checked and doubled checked. As far as I can tell, the turning invisible is a temporary state.”

“For the right people. What about you?”

Martin does not meet his eyes.

“I wouldn't be using it.”

“...What.”

“I wouldn't – I wouldn't be able to,” he says. Quieter, self-conscious. “Much as I like to think that I'm – no. No, it'd be, it'd be too much of a temptation.”

Jon's tone has slipped flat and hard.

“So you're suggesting an escape plan that, what, doesn't include you?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Jon – ”

“No!” Jon wants to get up, to stand, to shake Martin by his ridiculous shoulders, because how dare he, how dare he. “No, how can you even ask me that?”

“Because I need to,” Martin urges. “Because it's not just us. Because if the worst happens, I need to know we have some way of protecting Lewis, that you could use that book to make sure he's safe.”

“And leave you.”

“I'm not the one they want.”

“I don't remember them being all that picky about hurting whoever was in their way,” Jon bites back, and he knows he's louder now, that his eyes are getting wet and his face hot. “You can't know that.”

“No,” Martin replies honestly. “No, I-I can't.”

Jon rubs at his eyes. The anger's boiled over and out of him at a dizzyingly come-down from furious. He listens, wondering if they've woken Lewis, but he doesn't hear the squeak of bed-springs. There's a wind picking up outside, and the cat twitches in sleep.

He doesn't feel angry any more. Just sick and scared.

“That's not fair,” he swallows, looking at the damp-blurred image of his husband's face. “That – that's not fair, to ask this.”

Martin's moved closer. Places his hand back over Jon's.

“I know,” he murmurs, and he sounds sorry, but that doesn't help either of them.  “I know it's not. And if there was – was any other option, I wouldn't even think of suggesting it. But I'd, I'd like you to think about it. Please. For me.”

Jon leafs through the folders in his hands without taking any of them in. Martin strokes his back soothingly, and crowds in too close, not close enough.

“I'll read them,” Jon says eventually. Wetly and unhappily. “ The statements, reports, I-I will. For you. And if – and only if they seem legitimate – I'll come with you and have a look at the book myself. And that's all I can promise you.”

“Thank you,” Martin whispers, and presses his lips to the thinning crown of Jon's hair, Jon leaning back slightly against his chest. He clears his throat. “Basira's all for performing some more clinical tests on the book, if you wanted some more concrete validation.”

“Why am I not surprised,” Jon says, feeling too tired to enquire further.

They linger on the sofa for a while after Martin shoves the folders back into his shoulder bag.

“I better put the dishes away,” Martin says.

“Leave them. I'll do them in the morning.”

Their bedtime routine is closer and quieter. Usually Martin goes up first, and Jon watches the newspaper review or the tail end of a documentary, but tonight he trails after him as Martin checks all the plugs and double-checks all the locks.

Martin pokes his head into Lewis' room, even though they said their goodnights hours ago. Jon can't begrudge him the anxiety.

“Kicked all the blankets off as usual,” he reports back as they knock elbows in the bathroom, Jon's mouth full of toothpaste, passing Martin a water glass to take his statins. Martin dutifully swallows the pill before reaching for his own toothbrush. “He sleeps like you, arms flung out all over the place.”

Jon doesn't deny it.

Jon gets into bed first, and fusses with chargers and alarms while Martin gets into a t-shirt and boxers. He gets the light and Jon follows the sound he makes as he approaches the bed in plunging darkness, the disturbance of the covers. Jon immediately curls against his shape, tucking himself tight and buried against his chest.

Martin doesn't comment on how clingy Jon is, how he knots their legs together, clutches him over-tight. On how hot the bed is going to get, on how his arm will go numb quickly from the angle. His own arms come around just as fiercely. He tells Jon goodnight, that he loves him into his hair, and Jon whispers it back into the dark and the heat, and knows it's true to the bones of him.

Neither of them sleep all that much that night.

[coinofstone]

5x12 The Diamond of the Day pt 1

Final two episodes! Big finale! Why am I making myself cry in the middle of the afternoon! Both eps in this post.

I do love that they made Arthur a sore loser

Enter treacherous white woman #2. Srsly it was lazy writing when they did it for Mordred, it's worse now with Gwaine.

I do love the actual Round Table war room discussion but a) why isn't Merlin seated at the round table and b) why does Leon have so much goddamn faith in Camelot's walls? Like??? You literally said the same thing last year and yet Camelot *did* fall when Agravaine brought an army through the tunnels!

Poor Aithusa. Kid's had a rough life.

I do love Arthur responding to Merlin presenting him with all his supplies ready - which he prepared without his magic mind you - with suspicion 😂

But then he calls Merlin a coward and it's sad

Katie has such a great voice. That entire thing in the cave from her taunting to her laughter to the spell, it just just beautifully played.

Whole ass battle to prepare for and Arthur is just walking around moping cuz Merlin isn't there

So, Merlin's father-vision telling him he's magic itself and he just needs to believe in himself to get his magic going again, does this mean he *didn't* need to go to the cave to get it back? Cuz it seems like he needed to recharge in the cave itself, his injuries were healed when he woke up. That seems like magic cave stuff to me.

Also that "always have been and always will be" - I'm taking to mean 'always have been' in the sense that since he's 'magic itself' even before he was born, his magic existed in other, intangible forms, like we are all stardust etc. But now that he is, he will always be, aka he will not die.

Arthur waking up with his wife in his arms and Merlin's name on his lips, jumping out of bed to act on dream-info.

Balinor telling Merlin to trust in what will be.... like bitch that is literally not how this ends.

5x13 The Diamond of the day pt 2

You know that gif of the cat knocking everything off the table? That's literally Merlin shooting lightning at everyone from his perch on the ridge.

I have a lot of snarky things to say about Merlin coming out of the cave in full Dragoon gear and riding a horse instead of teleporting like the other witches but I'ma keep that to myself.

Mordred is a bitch and Aithusa has terrible aim. At least Aithusa's loyalty to Morgana makes sense.

Arthur said oh shit I'm magic - oh wait no it's that old man again

He also straight up "No! Bad dragon!"-ed Aithusa

Y'know, for all I've watched this episode and screamed about Arthur's death, I don't think I've ever focused on the exact moment he gets stabbed before.

Mordred catches him from behind and he meets it, no fault there. But as soon as he realizes his assailant is the knight who turned on him and joined Morgana, what does he do? HE LOWERS HIS FUCKING SWORD

He leaves himself wide fucking open and vulnerable and Mordred seizes the opportunity. I understand wanting the moment of recognition for Arthur, but on what planet is a trained warrior going to drop his sword mid-attack because he recognizes his attacker as a dude who only just recently decided to forsake him? It's soooooo dumb

There was a whole sequence a few episodes back where Mordred and Arthur are sparring, the point of it was to show that Mordred has become a skilled swordsman. So what exactly was the point in having Mordred run Arthur through as soon as Arthur idiotically lets his guard down? This should've been a meticulously choreographed sword fight, with Mordred getting the upper hand and sticking Arthur properly. Not this nonsense. Look at Arthur's FACE! Oh, Mordred... 👉👈 do you maybe wanna be friends again- STAB ... guess not

Uther's been rolling in his grave but he's taking an extra tumble watching Arthur forget all his skills and training in that moment.

I do appreciate Arthur getting Mordred back though. Like that moment of merciless anger followed by the hurt and regret playing on Arthur's face, warring with surety and responsibility. It was good.

I've rewatched the big confession scene about 16 times just now.

I don't quite understand why Merlin took Arthur to the woods to begin with. Instead of bringing him to the med tent in the battlefield or back to Camelot. What was the reason?

Merlin saying it feels strange (to use magic freely in front of Arthur) and him just going 'yeah' completely deadpan makes me laugh every time.

I really feel like Arthur's head should be elevated at a further incline if he's going to be fed.

Gaius refusing to outright expose Merlin as the sorcerer but nonetheless letting Gwen figure it out on her own warms my heart.

My God Arthur is sitting there dying, feeling betrayed about his best friend 'lying' to him, and still he can't stop himself from looking at Merlin's mouth.

Percival summoned MUSCLE POWER

Hey um random but why does Gwaine even know where Merlin and Arthur are headed? Why would Gaius tell him?

Arthur looks at Merlin so lovingly after he's killed Morgana 😭😭

And now he's literally grabbing at the man's hand 😭 "just hold me, please"

That's gotta be the gayest death scene in television history. If you can watch that without thinking Arthur puts his hand on the back of Merlin's head because some part of him wants to bring him down for a kiss, or that "just hold me, please" is in any way shape or form a 'bros' thing, and certainly not at all an intentional mirror/callback to Isolde dying in Tristan's arms, then I'm afraid you are what we professionals refer to as a dumb-as-nails fucknugget, more commonly phrased as 'willfully ignorant'.

"All that you have dreamt of building has come to pass" yeah except for the whole, y'know, magic still being illegal thing.

I've said this before, but, while I'm sure there was a determined intention to have Arthur die in his armor, probably in some kind of attempt to make sure the audience knows he's died a warrior's death, I *really* think it was kinda stupid that Merlin never removed it, despite Arthur being weak, despite the fact that there was something like five days between him getting stabbed and him actually dying, despite that for the duration of that time they were traveling or hiding out. Merlin managed to produce a cloak to put on Arthur, why did he need the full armor on that whole time? Like even if they left the chainmail on, those plates on his shoulder were just getting in the way, and it looked quite uncomfortable.

Also not for nothing but Lancelot got like, every flower in the forest surrounding lush verdant greens in his death boat, Arthur gets a bunch of sticks.

It suddenly occurs to me, watching this now, that the reason Leon/Percival is such a common side pairing in Merthur fics, is because these two motherfuckers are the only original Knights of the Round Table to survive the series. 🤦‍♀️ I dunno how I failed to notice that before now. My stupidity amazes me.

I'm *really* glad they decided to do this scene with Gwen wearing the Pendragon red dress instead of the black mourning dress. Yes she looks fabulous in it but it's more the symbolism than the 'reality' - with Gwen wearing her house's colors it represents a continuation rather than a finality. Camelot will go on, Gwen will undoubtedly end the war on magic and with Morgana dead (and frankly, I think by now she already brought about the death of all the angry incel type rulers in Albion) there stands to reason her reign will begin with a period of peace, possibly longer than Arthur's. We kind of have to assume that the 'time the poets speak of' is, inevitably, Gwen's reign - which only came about through Arthur's death. It's a little bit toooo subtle in my opinion, but at the same time, I understand the need for the focus on Merlin and Arthur - after all, this show was their journey - not leaving much time to focus on Gwen and Camelot in the aftermath of Arthur's death.

I will just say, the first time I watched this that fucking truck scared the ever living shit out of me. I also just immediately, viscerally hated that scene and declared it invalid - but I think it was because the truck made me jump out of my skin. It has since grown on me, particularly once I started reading 'Arthur Returns' fic.

Everything beyond this point is post-series spec and headcanon, so if that's not your jam you can exit safe in the knowledge that as usual, if there's anything worth commenting on in the S5 extras, I will create a separate post!

For those interested, my go-to post-series fic is We Begin Again by katherynefromphilly I fully headcanon this series as the continuation of the series.

I have a lot of thoughts about Gwen and Merlin post-Camlann.

For one, poor fucking Gwen. She's lost her father, her brother, and her husband, all by what, age 30? That's rough. And who knows what happened to her mom, that was pre-series and I don't think it was ever mentioned.

Merlin, dear god poor Merlin. First of all, I just wanna say straight off that my instinctive headcanon about Merlin was that he never returned to Camelot. I couldn't really say why exactly. I just don't think he could stand being there after Arthur's death. But practically speaking, Merlin's still got Aithusa to deal with, that dragon needs some godsdamned house training asap. He's still the last Dragonlord, it's reasonable to assume he'd immediately take that on considering Aithusa is partially responsible for Arthur's death (the sword Mordred killed Arthur with, only succeeded in killing Arthur because it had been forged in Aithusa's fire-breath) so he's either going to attempt to train the bad behaviors out of Aithusa, or...well...

The only thing is, I do not believe Merlin would abandon Gwen, or Gaius. So my hc is inherently flawed. I do think Merlin probably spend a couple months with his mum, and I do think he ultimately settled near lake Avalon waiting for Arthur's return.

But I do wonder, what must their relationship have been like? Gwen, surely, would've sought his guidance in establishing laws governing the use of magic. And surely, peace cannot last indefinitely, so Merlin absolutely would've defended Camelot and protected Gwen. There's just no way he could've completely turned his back on them, but I doubt he could bear living in Camelot. And Gwen is both strong and practical enough to get on without him there 24/7, even though I'm sure she'd miss him.

I also think she would've found love again. Whether with Leon, as many people hc, or someone else not in the series.

ANYWAY.

Thanks to everyone who came on this journey with me. I will post comments on the extras if I have anything worth saying - and I think I'll do a master post linking all these episode posts after I clean them up once I get time to sit at a computer and do so. Until then! 💙💚

(Gif source) (h/t @shut-up-merlin)

[keyofjetwolf]

Just when you thought it was safe to be a piece of shit

I jumped into Season 5 of BoJack this morning, fresh from my rewatch of the entire series, start to finish. I’d already seen all the previous seasons, but it was a couple years ago; S4 was just wrapping up, and I hadn’t touched it since. Not for lack of interest! Quite the contrary, I thought season 4 particularly was some incredibly strong storytelling all around, and I was completely blown away by its penultimate episode “Time’s Arrow”. But there was Life And Things, and I didn’t make the time for S5, so I also didn’t watch S6 when it aired, and by the time I thought about picking it back up, I knew I’d want to rewatch the whole thing to put it all in context, which meant MORE time, and anyway, you can see where @docholligay​ was finally “Fuck it, I’m sponsoring this.”

All the impetus I needed, clearly. That rewatch I did, and I’m glad for it, as I’d forgotten so many details, AND how fucking good this show is. It’s funny and dark and incredibly uncomfortable in ways that aren’t always flattering, and I love it. I didn’t RE-rewatch “Time’s Arrow” before starting today, but I had to wrestle myself out of it, that’s how much I wanted to.

So it was with some surprise that I found myself not really enjoying Season 5 as much as was expecting.

I SHOULDN’T have expected to. That was my first mistake. We left BoJack in a really good place, with a smile and a hope and the opportunity to maybe maybe maybe finally crawl out of the pit he’s constantly trying to bury himself in. He didn’t have the responsibility of fatherhood, but the promise of brotherhood. Hollyhock is a pretty alright kid, fundamentally fucked up juuuust enough to remind him of himself, and with the kind of love and support he’s always craved. If she can be okay, then maybe he can be okay, too.

Or, from another angle, if she can be okay, then he’ll have the proof he’s always wanted that every bad thing he’s ever done wasn’t REALLY his fault.

OH BOJACK YOU ABSOLUTELY SHIT WILL YOU NEVER LEARN

Maybe at the end of the series you finally will, I don’t know. But certainly not right now. You can’t learn. You never learning is the point.

One of the strengths of the show, though, is how BoJack gets opportunity after opportunity after opportunity to NOT be a piece of shit. To be a better person, to not be so selfish and self-centered and lazy and spiteful and BAD. We know it’s in there! We get these incredible little flashes of the sort of person he could be, if he’d just try a little harder, if he’d just put in the effort to be better today than he was yesterday.

That was my mistake, coming in: BoJack ended Season 4 with the high, and like any good roller coaster, it’s the slow tip at the top that makes the plummet to the bottom so heady.

That’s these beginning episodes of Season 5. Setting the stage(s), arranging the pieces back on the board, getting everything in motion for the drop to come.

WHICH I THINK WE JUST HIT HARD

First, yay Ana Spanakopita! Second: OOO

I love SO hard how this is NOT GOING AWAY. Both in how the show has never played any of this as remotely okay, but also in how it haunts BoJack. It’s his lowest moment, and he’s using it as a finely crafted weapon to bludgeon himself. But WHILE ALSO taking a perverse sort of ... pride isn’t the right word, but desire to have MATTERED in some way, even if it was a truly awful way. His insistence that he’s ruined Penny’s life, despite all apparent evidence to the contrary (see also the incredible “That’s Too Much, Man!”, ps what is with this show and penultimate season enders??), carries a perverse need to have impacted her life, even if that impact was traumatizing for her. The idea that BoJack could have mattered so little is MORE abhorrent to him than the actions themselves.

THAT IS INDEED TOO MUCH MAN I SEE YOU SHOW

So now we have what I think is the last tip before we go into free fall. BoJack is trying (kinda) to drink less and be sober more. He’s trying (kinda) to be a good friend to Princess Carolyn and Diane. HE ACTUALLY CONNECTED SOME DOTS ALL ON HIS OWN ABOUT FEMINISM. That I put that in caps, by the way, further makes the show’s point about how low our bar is for men on this, and well fucking done, by the way, kudos.

Will all that ACTUALLY mean BoJack is going to do better? Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? He’s about to be tested again, another opportunity is approaching. What he’ll do with that is the entire show premise. But whichever path he takes this time would mean so much less without these slower episodes establishing for us where he, and everyone else, are standing. It’s a thing I dearly love about Bojack Horseman: it takes the time it needs to give you insight into where the characters are and what’s around them.

It gives the characters enough rope to hang themselves.

SPEAKING OF HOW’S THAT GOING FOR YOU DIANE

Diane is such an interesting character, in a show pretty much overflowing with interesting characters. She makes such a good compare/contrast with BoJack, in that it’s easy to look at Diane and say “What a good person!” She’s smart and funny, if awkward and plain (by Hollywoo standards). She’s socially and politically aware and cares about important issues. She wants to make the world better!

Only, does she? Much like BoJack, Diane is given opportunity after opportunity to Do Good, both personally and professionally. And she tries! (Most times, sort of.) It often blows up in her face, or isn’t what she expected, or it gets really hard, but she tries! Until she doesn’t. Until she runs back home, and can’t face her husband and the reality of her giving up, so she hides at BoJack’s house and stays drunk for months. Until she gets what she wants, and keeps getting what she wants, and then ruining it all because she never actually wanted it. and doesn’t know what to do once she has it anyway.

Like I said, she and BoJack can be frighteningly alike.

If I had to pick an overall favourite character, though, it’d probably be Princess Carolyn. 

Oh she’s fucked up too, but in a much more together sort of way. She’s as much the voice of reason as is anyone in this show, and I want her to get her little family SO MUCH. (Jesus wept, I forgot all about “Ruthie” until my rewatch and it PUNCHED ME IN THE FUCKING GUT.) These first few episodes though didn’t really do a hell of a lot for PC though, save for basically having her ONE AGAIN wound up in BoJack’s terrible, terrible orbit.

If that sounds like a complaint, it isn’t. I love the way the show explores the push and the pull, how it’s one thing to want to leave someone, to know you SHOULD leave someone, and yet how hard that can be. How even when you make that break, the potential to fall back into bad habits never really leaves you. EVERYTHING about this show is difficult, for everybody, all the time, and nothing good happens without effort.

Unless, of course, you’re Mr. Peanutbutter.

If you thought I’d love Mr. Peanutbutter, well, YOU’RE RIGHT I DO. And I’m DEEPLY interested in where ultimately his character is going to go. Of all the main characters, I feel he’s the one with the least depth to him, but then I think that’s the point, too. Every protagonist needs a foil, and for BoJack, that would be Mr. Peanutbutter, the guy who life has basically handed everything, including being generally too stupid to feel bad about anything, especially himself.

But that’s not entirely true. For all that he’s BoJack’s bright, sunny, charisma-filled opposite, no matter what he tried to do for Diane, it wasn’t enough. And as his third wife, it’s probably safe to say he tried hard with his previous wives too, with equal success. The show plays up the dog element of Mr. Peanutbutter a bit harder than it does many of the other animal people on the show, and included in that is how “his person” is the true center of Mr. PB’s world. But he can’t hold them, he can’t keep them wanting to be around him, and while it’s quickly undercut with a laugh, he more than once expressed genuine fear that Diane would leave him. Now she has, and while we’ve not yet seen any fallout from that (focusing instead on how he’s immediately found a new girlfriend), I strongly suspect we will.

I’m not sure if this “tough guy role” situation is going to go further than the episode in which it featured, but I DO think it has long-term potential as the latest in a string of things Mr. PB has wanted, but couldn’t make happen for himself, and how unusual that is for him. He’s the cheerful optimistic one, sure, but what does that mean when he’’s also never really felt any of life’s pressures to be otherwise?

Then there was Todd.

Todd, I pretty much never know what the fuck they’re going to do with you, and after these four episodes, I see we’re not going to change that now. I did some thinking on Todd though, on his place in what I feel are the show’s overarching themes, and I THINK Todd is by and large an example of what we should strive for. He’s kind and generous, he loves to help and is always there when people need him, and perhaps embodying what I think is the show’s greatest message, even when Todd fucks up, he keeps trying.

Of all the main characters, I think Todd has grown the most, to the point where he pretty much doesn’t even INTERACT with BoJack any more. (NOR SHOULD HE.) Todd is getting really good about setting (and enforcing!) his boundaries, to the point where he’s developing his own circle of characters outside of the show. They even make a fucking JOKE about it.

Every season, Todd is feeling like he fits in less with this show, but I don’t think that’s the show not knowing what to do with him, I think it’s by design. Todd is outgrowing this story, he’s moving on, and it’s hard not to be happy for him for that.

We’ll see, of course. We’re only four episodes in, and if we stick with my roller coaster analogy, there’s a whole lot of track left ahead of us. Wherever we’re set to go, the one thing I feel pretty confident in is that it won’t be a smooth ride for anyone.

[ksfd89]

Riding in Style

Oneshot set in S5 where Lorelai impulsively buys a Vespa! A little Literaiti thrown in too! Enjoy!

"What is that?"

Rory stares at her mother's porch in disbelief. There, propped up against the steps, sits a bright turquoise motorcycle and Lorelai crows, "It's a Vespa!"

"I can see that."

"I wanted it in Hello Kitty but they only had this colour. Thoughts?"

"Well, my first my thought is why," Rory says honestly and rolls her eyes as Lorelai explains, "Roman Holiday was on and I thought it looked cool."

"So you bought a motorcycle."

"A Vespa."

"Excuse me, you bought a Vespa because it looked cool?"

"Yes," Lorelai says, protectively putting a hand on it. "And it is cool, isn't it?"

"Where'd you even buy it?"

"Oh, online somewhere," Lorelai says carelessly. "You can get anything there."

"Of course. Can you even ride it?"

"I rode it around the lot I picked it up from."

"And how did that go?"

"Wobbly," Lorelai admits. "But I can drive, and I can ride a bike, and that's kind of the same, right?"

"Um, sure," Rory says but smiles as her mother says pleadingly, "Isn't it pretty?"

"It's very pretty," Rory allows, going over to take a closer look. "I think turquoise is a more classic colour anyway."

"Very possibly," Lorelai beams. "I need to name it - any contenders?"

"Audrey?"

"Meh, too obvious."

Rory nods, going around it and placing a hand on the seat. She's usually used to unusual sights when coming home from Yale (her mother gardening is the first that comes to mind) but Lorelai has outdone herself with this. It does look cool, Rory has to admit.

"What did Luke say when you showed it to him?"

Lorelai coughs, looking away and groans as Rory exclaims, "Mom!"

"I thought I'd show him in person...maybe later today, or tomorrow is good too, if I put it in the garage..."

"Mom, don't you think he'll want a clue if someone tells him his girlfriend got in a Vespa accident?"

"Who says there'll be an accident?"

"Luke will, that's for sure."

"And that's why I haven't told him yet - he's filled with doom and gloom about these things," Lorelai says defensively. Sighing, she looks at her daughter and says, "I guess I'll tell him now - you want to take it into town with me?"

"As long as take doesn't mean ride," Rory says suspiciously, groaning as Lorelai says, "Hey, where's your sense of adventure?"

"It's busy with my sense of keeping all my limbs intact!"

"Fine, fine. Coffee before we get coffee?"

"You read my mind," Rory says, following Lorelai into the house.

They walk into the square with the Vespa between them, causing a lot of excitement and admonishment from Taylor, who shouts out road safety horror stories all the way to Luke's.

"You know Taylor won't let you ride it."

"We're ignoring him," Lorelai says cheerfully. "Check us out - the Gilmore girls and their Vespa!"

Rory has to admit it's kind of fun. Her bookbag is swinging against her leg and Rory has to shake herself from a fantasy of riding it to school and back. It's a fun picture, if completely ridiculous, and it breaks as Luke marches out of the diner and barks, "What the hell is that thing?"

"My new Vespa," Lorelai says sweetly. "I bought it online."

"It could be a total piece of junk!"

"Stop, you'll hurt its feelings!"

"Lorelai, you can't ride a Vespa!"

"I can learn!"

"It might not be safe!"

"I'll get Gypsy to check it out!"

"I'll check it out right now," Gypsy says wistfully, making Lorelai and Rory jump. "I got my stuff ready the minute I saw you two walk it down the street!"

"All yours," Lorelai says, reaching into her bag. "Here's the helmet it came with and there's another under the seat."

"Great. Can I get a spin on it sometime?"

"Sure, as long as it makes Taylor mad. What do you think, Luke? If Gypsy checks it's safe, can we make Taylor mad with it?"

A look of frustration passes Luke's face and Rory suppresses a giggle. Making Taylor angry is one of Luke's greatest joys in life.

"If Gypsy says it's safe and if you get some lessons, then I guess it's not too dangerous."

"You can bring me coffee on it!"

"What?! No way am I getting on that thing!"

"We can ride it together!"

"I have no interest in dying, thank you!"

"It won't be dangerous!"

"I was talking of dying from humiliation!"

As they argue back and forth Rory wanders over to the counter to get a slice of pie. She's just put the lid back on the plate when she almost drops it; Jess comes down from the stairs behind the counter and stops, looking as stunned as Rory feels.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Okay, hi," Rory says, feeling a severe sense of déjà vu. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the day...was passing through and thought I'd see Luke."

"Oh."

There's a long, awkward pause, broken by Rory saying, "My mom bought a Vespa."

Jess blinks, almost smiles and says, "Why?"

"I don't know," Rory admits. A small smile creeps across her lips but she can't let herself relax. She's too caught up in remembering their last meeting, where she told Jess to leave. It seems Jess feels the same as he coughs and says, "I'll just get some coffee and head back up...I won't come back down."

"It's okay," Rory says, but Jess is already halfway there and doesn't stop, and Rory doesn't try to make him. She opens her bookbag to study and takes a bite of pie, but fails to absorb a single word.

Luke awkwardly mentions about Jess when he and Lorelai come back in and is mortified when Rory informs him she's already seen him. Rory pretends it doesn't matter, deliberately taking a large bite of pie, and Lorelai loudly starts talking about Vespas to try and diffuse the tension, to no avail. They stay at Luke's until Gypsy gives them the all-clear on the Vespa, but by then Lorelai has to go to work and says she'll leave it at Luke's for the night.

"I was so excited to ride it there too," she says gloomily, pouting when Luke points out it wouldn't have handled the bumpy road too well. She and Rory walk back together, picking out a movie for later, and Lorelai heads out to the Dragonfly. Rory eats some pizza and tries studying some more, but she can't focus. As Rory searches fruitlessly for a textbook she realises she left it at Luke's and, biting her lip, decides to brave getting it. She swore to get some studying done tonight.

Rory knows where the spare key is but in the end it doesn't matter. Jess is sitting at the counter, eating the last of the pie, and turns as Rory hesitantly opens the door.

"Hi. Sorry. I left my book..."

Jess lifts it up and Rory nods. "That's it. Thanks."

She takes it from him, her thumb brushing his, and blushes. They look at each other for a moment, hesitate, and at the same time say, "I'm -"

"Never mind," Rory says, shaking her head, and Jess looks at her, eyes sad. "Rory..."

"It's okay."

"None of it's okay."

Rory gives him a kind of shrug. What happened between them feels too much for a simple apology but she finds herself saying again, "It was a long time ago."

"Not really."

"Well, it feels like it," Rory says honestly. That night Jess asked her to go with him feels almost like another lifetime and yet, in the same moment, seeing him doesn't seem strange. It's as though Jess was always there. Rory doesn't voice the last part.

"It feels a while ago for me too," Jess admits. "I'd do it all differently - Rory, I -"

"We don't have to talk about it," Rory says quietly. Jess nods, and it's her cue to leave, but Rory simply stands there with him, hugging the book to her chest. The silence stretches between them until Jess asks, "Lorelai get you on the Vespa yet?"

"Not yet," Rory laughs, relieved. "She'll be trying tomorrow though, I'm positive."

"It sounds cool."

"Do you want to see it?" The words are out of Rory's mouth before she knew she was saying them. Jess stares at her, smiles and says, "Really?"

"Well, it's just sitting outside. No harm in taking a look."

It's totally normal to show Jess the Vespa, Rory tells herself. It's something friends would do. They can be friends, right? It's all Rory feels good with these days anyway, after the whole disaster with Dean. They open the door and see the Vespa standing outside, looking cheerful next to all the cars.

"Very cool," Jess says approvingly. "You going to ride it?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't bet a lot of money on that."

"Why not?"

"Why not? Jess, I've watched those road accident videos Kirk shows at the movie theater! Plus, it'll be driven by my mother, who gets distracted by anything shiny."

"Lorelai can drive. So can you."

"I am not riding it by myself," Rory says stoutly, her fantasy from taking it to Yale rapidly diminishing.

"But you'll ride it with Lorelai, right? Once she learns how?"

"I think she might be riding it solo."

"Where's your sense of adventure?"

Rory shrugs and teases, "Would you ride it?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Jess - I was just joking. You can't ride a Vespa!"

"I can ride a motorcycle. If you want, you can ride it with me."

Rory stares at him, unsure what to think, and he smiles at her.

"I mean it - I'll take you for a ride on it, if you want. But if you don't want to we can just forget it..."

"Ride it where?"

"Hadn't thought where," Jess says slowly, checking to see if Rory's kidding. "Around the square?"

"Fine, you're on. I'll go get the keys."

Jess watches as Rory goes back into the diner, emerging with them glinting in her hand and laughs.

"You sure you don't want to drive?"

"One hundred percent sure."

"Hand them over, Gilmore."

Rory passes them to Jess who takes them, hesitates and says, "How much will Lorelai kill me if she finds out about this?"

"We'll be fast!"

"That's not exactly an answer."

Jess fastens one helmet under his chin, passing the spare to Rory and climbs on, looking over to where Rory is waiting.

"Ready?"

"Yes," Rory says decisively. This is just to help her nerves, she tells herself, and climbs behind Jess. He looks at her, about to put the key in the ignition and says, "You need to hold onto me."

"What? Oh, right," Rory says, blushing. She hadn't thought about that, she berates herself and almost thinks of calling it off, but shakes herself. This is fine - it's going to be fun - and she firmly puts her arms around Jess's back. "I'm ready."

"Let's go," Jess says, powering up the engine and kicking into the road. Rory's yelp turns into a silent gasp, her grasp tight as they curve through the streets. Jess isn't going fast but Rory's heart is barely stopping, the wind is rushing through her helmet and hair and she can barely reply as Jess calls, "You good back there? Rory?"

"I'm okay!" Rory manages to call back. "I'm okay!"

That's a matter of opinion, Rory amends silently. Her initial panic has disappeared to a kind of rush, the same rush Rory felt when Jess drove her car to get icecream in cones, all those years ago. Rory tries not to think about how that ended, but Jess is steering smoothly, and her fear is more focused on herself, the way her body is thrumming against his. Suddenly, Rory isn't so sure they can be friends after all. Her feelings for him aren't as dormant as she thought. All of her senses seem magnified, more, and all Rory can do is hold onto Jess. She's not sure what it means. She holds onto him, watching the world whirl by, and then suddenly it's over. Jess is slowing down, parking the Vespa back by the diner and climbing off. He holds out a hand which Rory awkwardly takes, helping her off, and grins as he takes off his helmet.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For this," Jess says simply. "All of it - thank you."

"You're welcome," Rory says politely. She smiles, unsure of what else to say, and thinks of mentioning what she felt before, but doesn't know how. It seems too weird. Instead, Rory focuses on taking off her own helmet and the keys from Jess.

"I'm leaving early," Jess tells her. "Guess I should say goodbye..."

"Yes. Okay. Bye."

They look at each other, start to laugh and Rory feels instantly relieved. Maybe it's okay after all.

"Good seeing you," Jess says and Rory says sincerely, "And you too. I'm happy we ran into each other."

"I imagine people will think they hallucinated if they saw us," Jess says, nodding at the Vespa, "but I'll be a few states away if they argue. Besides, I'm just a hoodlum."

"No," Rory says. She laughs but is serious as she says, "You're not a hoodlum, Jess."

"Maybe," Jess says, giving her a crooked grin. "Goodnight, Rory."

"Goodnight, Jess."

Rory walks slowly home, dazed. It already seems like a kind of dream.

The next morning, Lorelai insists on riding the Vespa and drags Rory to the diner before she's even finished her waffle.

"There's waffles at Luke's," she says mercilessly. "And neither of you are going to stop me from taking it for a spin!"

Once at the diner, Luke argues back and forth until agreeing that it's probably fine to ride the Vespa down the street.

"I rode it when I was sixteen," Lorelai insists, ignoring Rory as she says, "You also got pregnant with me."

"Yeah, yeah. Come on offspring - want to brave it with me?"

"You know, I do," Rory says and Lorelai looks at her in surprise.

"Seriously?"

"It's just down the street."

"Didn't think I could wear you down that quickly!" Lorelai says happily. "Was it the Roman Holiday reference?"

They don their helmets, climb on, and Rory puts her arms around her mother's back as the townspeople gather and cheer. Lorelai turns on the engine, drives slowly into the road and then down the street, finding a little speed.

"Isn't this the best?" Lorelai shouts and Rory shouts back, "The Gilmore girls ride in style!"

Carefully, Lorelai turns the Vespa and drives back up to the diner where, keeping her promise, she turns off the engine and hops off, to much applause. Rory gets off as well, laughing, and gives her mother a hug.

"See? I told you I could do it," Lorelai says, before stumbling into Luke's arms.

"Lessons," he says and Lorelai sighs, nodding.

"Real lessons, I swear. But I've got to name it something cool first!"

Rory takes off her helmet, shaking out her hair and as she looks up sees Jess in the window, smiling at her. She smiles back, lifting her hand in greeting, and he waves before silently moving out of sight.

"What?" Lorelai asks and Rory shakes her head, laughing.

"Nothing. This calls for coffee, don't you think?"

"Daughter, everything calls for coffee!"

[kalm5]

The Feeling

A little background. This idea came up when I was re-watching The Clone Wars. So this story is a little bit based around S5 Ep13 though I have made ohhh so sad. Totally pulling a page out of @suddenly-clones book of angst. You have been warned. Now onwards to my story. Also is going to have multiple views of the same thing. It just been a little slow going on the writing for it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

General Anakin Skywalker was feeling something dreadful. It started bear the end of a campaign. They 501st received orders to head to Space Station Valour for the security conference that’s being held there. Anakin really didn’t want to go to the conference. The force was telling him something but what it was he couldn’t figure out.

Anakin could hear it in his mind that Obi-Wan would tell him that it could be stress. The 501st have been on constant battlefronts. Either on their own campaigns or supporting other Garrisons. Anakin could see that the constant battles were wearing him and his men out. He had repeatedly requested time off and to be sent back to Coruscant. They men could use the time off to unwind. Also he was missing Padme greatly. Communications have been spotty lately. The only nice thing about going to Valour is that there will be a clear cut signal so he could holdall his wife. Though the thought did go through his mind to get on his fighter and sneak off to Coruscant but that would get suspicious. There would also be council members present at the conference. Anakin was on the bridge just staring out. Rex walked up beside him.

“Sorry Rex. I really did try to get us leave and head to Coruscant.”

“Don’t worry sir. Atleast we will have some down time on the ship.”

“Yeah but the ship still has rules.” Anakin was joking about this a little bit.

“Really General. We are perfectly capable of following the rules sir.” Rex was amused at his General’s antics.

Anakin gave the Captain a small smile. Rex noticed something was up with his General. He noticed a solemn expression. Something that he doesn't see often. The was taking a toll on everyone. Anakin had sent the Commander back to the temple. He wanted her to be away from the front lines for awhile. Rex could tell that Anakin was missing his Padawan. Even the men were bugging Rex when their commander was coming back.

“Are you okay General?” Rex was concerned

“I’m fine Rex.”

“Are you sure sir?” Rex kept asking even though it wasn’t place to ask his general these personal questions.

“I don't even know myself right now.”  Muttered Anakin.

Rex decided not to push anymore. He excused himself from his General because he had some other duties to complete before they get to Valour. Anakin also left the bridge as well. He would try to mediate. Though he was horrible he hoped that maybe there would be some clarity to this very foggy future.

--

The Resolute dropped out of hyperspace. This was Anakin’s first time to Valour. The meditating did nothing for him. It was really aggravating him more and more. There already a few destroyers there. One of them Anakin recognized as Admiral Tarkin’s ship. He really didn't like that man after what happen at the citadel. Though thinking about he really didn't like a lot of the admirals of the GAR. It was because they had really bad opinions about the clones. Admiral Yularen working efficiently with the bridge crew. Codes being submitted for verification and getting their positioning orders. But as the ship was getting closer he was dreading about being there. Why was being here so bad? Anakin was thinking. Though he squashed it  because he decided that he would go to the station and try to make contact with his wife.

“I’m going to head into the station. See what trouble I can get my myself into.”

“Please don’t blow up the station Skywalker.” Admiral Yularen was joking about that. Anakin got a chill though his body on what the admiral just time him. He hid this feeling. Giving the admiral his signature grins of he will cause chaos. He headed to the hangar to catch a ride. While he was walking towards the hangar he saw his Captain. The ever efficient one.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Rex was trying to be casual. His intentions were to keep and eye on his general. “No it’s fine Rex. I’m sure you can use a break from me.” Anakin saying jokingly. As they walked down to the hangar. Rex didn't mind going with his General. He rested enough to be able to escort him. “I’ve never been hear before. All you guys look like you can get more rest. You are all starting to look raggedy to me.” Anakin saying jokingly. “General” Rex rolling his eyes at the comment. “For real Captain. I starting to think I'm not able to recognize you guys.”

Rex just shook his head. Though Anakin knew how much time time the clones put into their appearance. They got to the hangar. There was a lot of commotion. The ships were already working on getting the re-supply that the Resolute was needing. Anakin walked to one of the gunships that was getting ready to depart. He could tell that these troopers were a little unease at his sudden appearance. He was thinking that they were new and haven’t seen him before really. “At ease boys just hitching a ride with you guys.” 

The station wasn’t anything special actually. Anakin thought there would be better food on the station but it was the same boring GAR rations. He chose not to eat. He then found the astromech room. He loved droids. They would have the good gossip on the station. He was missing R2, the droid was sent on a mission. After the brief conversation with the astromechs he finally went to a communication room. For the longest time he created a splice that would be able to track his communications when he had to use the GAR stations when using his personal comm.

Anakin was full of joy when Padme answered the call. Looking as beautiful as ever. His angel. They talked about things that were going on after their was transmissions. Padme was a little disappointed that the Resolute wasn’t coming to Coruscant. Then Padme saw the look on Anakin’s face. She knew that look very well. After some pestering she finally got was wrong with her husband. Anakin told her what was wrong and the off feeling he was having. Padme knew how dangerous visions with Anakin could be. She was being as supported through Anakin’s turmoil. They both wished the could converse forever Padme has a meeting to go and had to leave. “I love you Padme.” “I love you too Ani.” 

Anakin returned to the ship. He had the option of staying on the station but he wanted to be on the ship. To feel the force signatures of his men. He went to sleep that with these dreams. They were still jumbled mess but there was some clarity. It was the safety for his men and his friends of a situation that he didn’t know if it would happen. But he would put in place these plans. He would going splicing into Valour’s systems to make the changes.

The day before the conference, Jesse and Fives bugged their General to let them on the station as well. To be escorts as they were calling it. Anakin let them come with him. Of course Rex would be with them. Captain Rex held the position of watching General’s back in very high regard. Anakin diverted their attention that he would meet them in the Commissary. Then he did his sneaky skills of splicing to put in the new orders for his ship and some of the incoming ships. This what he dreams. He felt a little bad because there would have to be some very apologetic station crews having to explain that there as a mix up. But Anakin needed to protect his men. After he did that he felt a little bit better. Now it was time to go eat lunch with his men and shoot the shit. He really wished he could tell Jesse that he was accepted in the ARC trooper program but they had to wait a few days to tell Jesse the good news.

--

It was the day of the conference. A lot of ships had arrived for the conference. Anakin knew that Master Windu and Obi-Wan were there. Their ships position where they need to be. Anakin was already on the station. He tried to message Obi-Wan because he really needed to talk to his master. But he was shot down because apparently there was a emergency council meeting. Anakin hoped that the meeting wouldn’t last to long. Anakin was feeling something and it was causing him to panic a bit. The force was feeling so staticky. Then the chancellor chose the worst time to comm him. He was told that he could never ignore calls from him. So went into the side room to take the call.

The Chancellor was his usually cheerful self. Anakin really didn't want this now. He thought it was weird when the man thought that Anakin would be on Coruscant. The man would know his movements. Anakin told the chancellor that the leave was denied and that he was actually on Space Station Valour. Then the hairs in the back of Anakin’s neck went up. Anakin looked away from the chancellor trying to figure out what the force was.

“The ship is slowing down!” There was a lot of yelling happening outside. The station crew was trying to get ahold of the ship. A bunch a troopers went into the room where Anakin.

Even though Anakin was in a different room he could see the blinding light. This is was the force was trying to tell him. He should have been the station. Anakin knew that he was going to survive this. The brave troopers that he didn’t know that would sacrifice their lives to protect him. It was foolish but this is what the clones knew. Things were starting to disintegrate in slow motion.

Many thoughts went through his mind. He would never see this war end. Never see his Padawan, Ahsoka, become a knight. Never laugh with his troopers. Never annoy his Captain with his antics. Never talk to his master. Then there was Padme he would never see again.

Padme the light of his life. His wife. His Angel. 

“I love you Padme. Forever and always.”

Then Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker’s force signature blinked out from existence.

----

After three days, a salvage crew confirmed the worst fear of everyone. They had found the body of Anakin Skywalker. There was a cluster of bodies surrounding the General. So his body was mostly intact. It was a very devastating day for the Jedi Order and the Republic. The Hero with no Fear was confirmed dead.

[spnjediavenger]

White Wolf Chapter 1: Sam and Dean Winchester

Disclaimers: I do not own Supernatural, any of its characters, or dogwood canyon; Creds to Wikipedia for 70% of the grootslang lore i include (yes, it’s a real legend!)

Time frame: set early S5

           A slight lurch awoke Elliana. She sat up in her seat, stretched her arms above her head, and looked out the bus window to see woods all around her. She let out a small smile at the sight, always feeling at home in nature.

           The passengers of the bus began standing to get off and Elliana did the same, grabbing ahold of the leash at her side. She stood, awaking the loyal dog at her feet and, once outside, she walked, with the aid of a map, until she came to a wooden arch held up by stone columns reading ‘Welcome to Paradise. DOGWOOD CANYON NATURE PARK’.

           For a while, she took her time wandering around, taking in the sights, giving her dog a chance to stretch; for the next day, her hunt would begin.

           Once Elliana had a room to stay in the park, she let her dog, Anaya loose in the room and pulled out her laptop and brought up the news stories she found associated to the park. There had been disappearances in the park for the past 2 weeks and there had seemed to be no connection to any of the victims.

           Since it was later, Elliana just went through some basics before going to bed; tomorrow would bring some heavier research.

           On her third day at Dogwood Canyon, Elliana woke up and headed to one of the restaurants located there.  She sat in a corner booth, eating and looking over her notes before she would go out and search the park and its caves for the creature she was hunting. What she didn’t know was that two hunters had arrived that morning and they were currently right across the room.

           Sam and Dean Winchester walked into the building and sat at the bar off to the side.

           “You two hunters?” the bartender asked quietly as he approached the boys.

           They shared a surprised look then nodded.

           “You may be here for nothin’,” he continued. “Word is another hunter is already here.”

           Dean looked at Sam, a skeptical look on his face, and then turned back to the bartender. “Yeah, well even if that’s true, we’re gonna check the place out anyway.” The bartender shrugged and took the guys’ orders, gave it to another worker, and returned to give them drinks.

           Sam and Dean had been looking around, their eyes stopping on Elliana.

           “What’s with the kid in the corner booth?” Dean asked, raising a brow at the bartender.

“Not sure. She’s been here a few days though. Kind of a shadow, that one. Always slippin’ in and out and always writing in that notebook of hers,” he said, cleaning a glass behind the counter.

“And you never talked to her? Asked her anything?” Sam spoke up.

“Tried to. First time, she said she was waiting for someone. Second time, she faked a call. Never got a third try. She started watchin’ me I suppose. ‘Cause any time I went to talk again, she’d disappeared before I could get to her.” Sam and Dean share a look.

“One of my boys got a glimpse of her book the other day though. Had a picture of a banshee on it.”

The guys snapped their heads over to her, eyes wide.

“A banshee?”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded.

Sam looked at Elliana again, squinting his eyes. “Hey dean – doesn’t that backpack look familiar to you?”

Dean looked closer and his jaw dropped. “Son of a bitch…”

On a previous hunt, Sam and Dean had caught a glimpse of a figure tailing them. They never spoke up; the boys didn’t even notice them until the end of the hunt and the person was a second too late at leaving, allowing the boys to see their backpack only. Their face was covered but they had lost their necklace in fleeing.

Sam pulled out said necklace; he and Dean looked at each other, then got up and walked over to Ellie.

“Go away,” Ellie said before the guys could get a word out.

“We jus-“

“I didn’t ask why you came over here – I told you to leave,” she said shortly.

Dean huffed and grabbed her necklace from Sam’s hand and held it out to her, already starting to get frustrated with her demeanor. “Alright, so I guess this isn’t yours then?”

Her eyes gave a quick, almost non-existent glance, and then she did a double take and shot out of her seat, going to grab it. “Where did you get that?!”

Dean held it up above her head. “Nope, you answer some questions, then you’ll get it back,” he said smugly.

“Give it back, you idiot!” she whisper-yelled, trying to pull his arm down.

Sam picked up on the urgency in her eyes and took the necklace back from Dean, putting it in his jacket pocket to try and prevent a scene from unfolding, then looked back to Elliana.

“Look, we just want to talk-“ Sam started, but was cut off by Elliana.

“Hey!” she yelled at Dean, who was moving to grab her journal. She snatched it out of his reach and punched his arm with more force than he’d expect from someone her age.

“What was that for?!” he yelled back, rubbing his arm.

She quirks a brow and looked over at Sam. “Is he always this stupid or is it just on Mondays?”

Dean gave her a bitch face and Sam couldn’t help but laugh.

Ellie found the tension inside her letting up the slightest bit at that. Something about Sam made her less on guard. More…comfortable. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Can we please talk? You won’t have to share anything you don’t want to. But I think we could help each other. We’re hunters,” Sam said hopefully, offering a small smile.

She glances between him and Dean, finally resting on Sam again.

“Ok,” she sighed. “But your nosy dog stays here,” she reasoned, grabbing her things and putting them in her bag, which she proceeded to sling over her shoulder.

“You little-“

“That’s fine,” Sam interrupted his brother. “He was going to look into some things anyway,” he continued, giving Dean a hard stare, signaling that this wasn’t up for negotiation.

“Unbelievable,” Dean muttered. As he’s about to walk away, a crash was heard from across the bar and Elliana jumped into Sam, grabbing ahold of his coat. He froze for a moment then put a careful hand on her shoulder.

“You ok?” he asked warily.

“Perfect actually,” she said, stepping away from him with a smirk on her face. The guys looked at her, confused. “And here I thought I might have to do something a lot more dramatic to get this back,” she continued proudly, brandishing her necklace. She walked away from the boys, who were frozen, dumbfounded. “And by the way, what I do is none of your business and what you do is none of mine. And I don’t care that you hunt; a lot of people want to hunt here but it’s protected. Now stay away from me.”

(The next morning.)

           Elliana stared down at her wrapped wrist and sighed, ignoring the sting of the gash on her face. How did this happen? she thought.

           Across the room, the Winchesters walked into the restaurant again. They looked around until their eyes locked on Elliana. They went to walk over when Sam grabed Dean’s shoulder.

           “Dude, look at her face,” he said, pointing her way.

           Dean’s face fell a bit and he muttered a ‘crap’ under his breath. Sam nodded his head her way and they approached her. This time, she didn’t reject them right away; she merely sat in silence, staring down at the table.

           “Hey,” Sam spoke gently.

           No response.

           Dean nudges Sam to speak again.

           “What uh…what happened? Are you alright?” he said carefully, worry lines creasing his forehead.

           “Go away,” she finally spoke, though only in a hushed tone.

           “Kid, we can see you’re hurt. Just tell us what happened,” Dean said.

           Nothing again.

           The guys sighed and begrudgingly walked off to the side, away from Elliana.  

           “Alright, she won’t talk. We’re on our own then. Wendigo?” Dean asked Sam.

           “Best guess as any. Let’s grab the torches from the car and start hiking.”

           Just as the guys started walking away, Elliana called out to them. “It’s not a wendigo, you know.”

           The guys turned to face her, surprised. They shared a look and Sam stepped forward.

           “What is it?”

           Elliana let out a light sigh, still not looking at them. “It’s a grootslang.”

           “A what?” Dean said right away, furrowing his brow.

           Elliana finally looked at Sam, who nodded encouragingly. She looked at Dean, then to Sam again and sighed once more. “Come with me,” she said, sliding out of the booth. The guys saw her arm and Dean went to grab her shoulder but she stepped away before he could. He put his hands up defensively.

           “I was just gonna say we should take care of your wounds first; we’re not gonna hurt you.”

           “I can take care of myself-“

           “The cut on your face looks infected; just let me help you clean it out and wrap your arm in something more stable,” Sam reasoned, a caring look on his face.

           “Just follow me,” Elliana said shortly, brushing past the boys. They shared another look then followed her out of the restaurant.

           Elliana led Sam and Dean up into a tree house in the middle of the woods surrounding Dogwood Canyon. The guys looked around as she rummaged through some things under the bed. Anaya came out from the side room, growling at the boys, making each take a step back.

           “Uh…kid? What’s up with the mutt?” Dean said.

           “First off, she’s not a mutt. She’s a Siberian husky. Second, her name is Anaya and she’s mine. Been my hunting partner practically since the beginning. She won’t hurt you unless I say so.”

           “Alright then…You payin’ for this place?” Dean asked.

           “No,” she responded, still on a short fuse. “No one’s going to let a 13 year old check into a place like this by herself. It’s an old tree house – and by the state of it and lack of paths around it, I suspect they haven’t used it for awhile. Found it when I got here a couple days ago.”

           She finally dug out a first aid kit and walked into the small bathroom, leaving the door open.

           “Are you sure you don’t want help?” Sam asked again.

           “Grootslang, or “Grote Slang” in Afrikaans, are cryptids,” Elliana began, ignoring Sam’s offer. Sam sighed but listened to her explanation, running his had through Anaya’s fur when she stepped up to him. “Legend comes out of South Africa. When the gods were still in the beginning stages of making things, they mistakenly gave it a crap load of strength, cunning, and intellect. So, the gods tore ‘em in half to make the first elephants and snakes.”

           Elliana walked out of the bathroom with her wrist properly wrapped and cut cleaned and continued to talk. “But, one of the original grootslang escaped and was rumored to live/hide in a cave and it would lure elephants and snakes into its cave.”

           “Hold on,” Dean interrupted. “You said South Africa. Kinda far don’t you think?”

           Elliana gave him a hard stare. “That original grootslang is said to have spawned all other grootslang to exist and its cave connects to the sea. Eventually, there wasn’t enough food for all of them so they spanned out through the tunnel.”

           “Well I hate to break it to you, kid, but there are no elephants around here. And it’s people dying – not snakes,” Dean said.

           “Look here, Dean – you wanted help, I’m giving it to you. I’m not just some useless kid. And if you would stop interrupting me, you would know that once the grootslang didn’t find enough elephants and snakes to prey upon, which is why they branched so far out – the original wanted to destroy everything its family was torn into – they took to preying on humans that resembled those animals. The victims that have gone missing here are all either heavy – representing elephants, or tall and skinny – representing snakes. Grootslang live in watery caves; the one here is inside the cave across from the restaurant I was in.” Elliana finished with her arms crossed over her chest.

           “So how do we kill it?” Sam spoke up.

           “Sam, do you really think this kid-“

           “Dean, we did ask for her help. And everything she’s said makes sense. She knows her stuff.”

           Elliana did her best to hide her surprise at Sam’s backup.

           “How’d you get hurt?” Dean asked, ignoring Sam.

           “Dude!”

           “You say she knows her stuff, fine. Then how does she get injured so easily?”

           Wham! Elliana’s fist flew across Dean’s face. It nowhere near knocked him out, but it still hurt enough for his own hand to fly up and grab the spot.

           “Son of a bitch!” he said, pulling his hand away to inspect it for blood, which he found a small amount of. “What the hell?!”

           “Yeah, I was following you guys on your last hunt – it was so I could learn more about the supernatural on a case I knew would have been too much for me on my own. I had intel that the surviving grootslang are much smaller than the original since the original had to spawn without a mate. I thought I could handle it but there ended up being two. And I’m sure that that’s happened to even you before.  The only reason I didn’t let you two walk off thinking this was a wendigo was because I knew you would’ve been killed going under the wrong assumption. So I don’t need you in here questioning me because I’m young and telling the great Dean that he was wrong. So if you want to kill this thing, get off your high horse and follow me to the cave.”

           With that, Elliana stormed into the side room to gather her hunting bag, leaving a surprised Dean and Sam, who was going back and forth from curiosity – of what the girl must have been through to make her so rough and defensive, to humor – as he tried to hide his smirk at the fact Dean just got hit by a teenage girl.

             Elliana and the guys stood outside the cave, preparing to go in. After collecting her things, Elliana led the way in quite an uncomfortable silence, still fuming from the way Dean had talked down to her.

           “Ok, so how do we gank these things?” Sam asked her.

           “Gank?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow. Sam simply shrugged so she continued. “Since I don’t know of any hunters encountering these before, I had to try and go off my own judgment. Venom is something that snakes evolved with over time as a defense mechanism, meaning these grootslang would be just as susceptible to its effects as any other animal, supposedly. So,” she reached back into her bag to pull out a jar and a dartgun, “I collected a bunch of snake venom and filled darts with them.”

           “That’s pretty brilliant,” Sam said with a small smile, inspecting the gun.

           “But, that’s the other reason I ended up getting hurt. The venom either isn’t strong enough, or I don’t have enough of it to be affective on a creature this big. It only slows them down for a little while. Knocked one out, the next came at me, and as I was trying to get to a vantage point to shoot it, the first came to. Crushed my arm against the wall with its tusk, the other went to bite me but I was able to pull away in time to get away with just this,” she finished, pointing at the gash on her face.

           “So, the venom only stuns them?”

           “Yes. As far as I know anyway. So, I got some more intel, and from legend, these things coveted gems. Some of their victims could even get away if they paid the grootslang with precious jewels – diamonds being the most sought after. And while my contact has never come across one, he was able to tell me that once the deities found the creatures coveting jewels and not them and that was the final straw. So they cut them up with the jewels they so coveted to make elephants and snakes. So a weapon of diamond,” Elliana pulls a dagger from her bag; “can kill them.”

           “Where the hell’d you get ahold of something like that?” Dean spoke up. Elliana gave him a cold look but answered him.

           “Contact. You have your people, I have mine,” she said simply, thinking back to her exchange with her guardian the night before.

           “Let me heal you,” he said, sad to see his ‘ladybird’ hurt.

           She pushed away his hand and rolled over on the bed. Even Anaya lay somberly next to Ellie, the dog’s head resting on her legs.

           “Look, kid, I know you’re bummed but you didn’t know what would happen. But I know you can do it,” the angel said, giving her a comforting smile.

           Elliana just lay still, making him sigh.

           “I talked to a friend the other day; told me how to kill these guys. Here’s some lore you didn’t find yet,” he said, laying a paper next to her. “The deities carved them into elephants and snakes with diamond daggers. My friend was a bit reluctant to give me one but let’s just say I was convincing,” he finished with a smirk, pulling out a diamond dagger.

He still got no response.

He sighed. “I’ll leave this here for you. Incase you change your mind. Take care, sweet cheeks. Remember Gabe’s always here for you,” he finished, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder before vanishing.

Elliana broke out of her momentary trance and got back to business.

“So here’s what we’re gonna do – I take the blade-“

           “No,” Dean’s gruff voice said.

           “What?” Elliana responded, a challenging look on her face.

           “Maybe it would just be a good idea if you let one of us take it,” Sam interjected, not ready for another match between she and Dean. “You’re already injured; we don’t want it to happen again.”

           Elliana turned to face Sam. “These things hurt me once – they’re not getting the chance again. And I’ve been hunting by myself for over a year now and I’m not gonna let you baby me just because you’re older,” she said, her voice dominant. “You take the dart gun,” she hands the item back to Sam; “And you can take the rest of the venom in this jar and coat one of your weapons in it,” Elliana finishes, tossing the jar to Dean. “You guys can go in first, if you want, and stun them with the venom. But I finish them off.”

           Elliana walks away to let the guys prepare their things and Dean looks at Sam.

           “Great. Now we have to babysit. Freaking 10 year old telling us how to do our job.”

           He didn’t give Sam time to respond before he walked towards the cave entrance with his venom-coated knife.

              The boys entered the cave, Dean groaning about having to go through the water.

           Elliana led them around a few areas until the finally got to the grootslang’s nest near the back. Everyone stilled as splashes were heard. Elliana motioned for the guys to move the opposite direction as she began climbing the rocks along the cave walls.

           Dean rolled his eyes once more and shook his head, still hating this plan, when a large figure came out of hiding. They guys froze at the beast before them; a long, darkly scaled body slid through the shallow water, and by a crack in the ceiling, the light shone on an elephant-like head, trunk running from underneath its chin and razor-sharp teeth filling its mouth. A snake-like tongue shot out as the creature looked around the cave.

           The guys went after the first creature, which towered a few feet taller than them, as Elliana approached the second grootslang, curled up in the back of the cave on the bank of the water. She slunk carefully above it on the rocks, looked over to the guys to make sure they were holding their own, and swiftly jumped down, plunging her diamond blade into the grootslang’s body, just behind the head.

           The guys and even the other grootslang paused at the shriek emitted from the grootslang Elliana stabbed.

           The first, bleeding slightly from Dean slicing it with his knife, slithered as quickly as it could towards Elliana but stopped cold when her blade was thrown strategically into its throat. It, too, let out a cry as it fell to the ground.

           The guys looked from the two dead grootslang to Elliana, unable to hide the shock from their faces.

           Elliana gave Sam a small smile, which turned into a smug one as she looked at Dean.

           “Don’t underestimate me,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest as she walked forward the grab her blade from the grootslang’s chest.

           “And I’m 13, by the way. Not 10,” she called back as she walked out of the cave.

The following morning, Elliana stopped into the restaurant one more time to get something to eat before hopping on a bus to move again.

To her slight dismay, two figures slid themselves into the seats across from her, eliciting a deep sigh and bowed head from her.

“Look,” Sam chuckled. “I know you’re not our biggest fan but we just wanted to say you did a great job last night,” he smiled at her.

“You really did,” Dean added, making Ellie go wide-eyed as she snapped her head towards him. “Look, I’m sorry I talked down to you, kid. You can probably guess we don’t come across many hunters as young as you. Maybe a part of me was hoping I could get you to quit,” he continued, giving a sad smile.

Elliana did her best to not to give him much of a smile. What he said was nice, but it would take a lot more to get her to be able to trust either brother.

“Thanks. But I don’t think that’s ever gonna happen,” she said, keeping any emotion from her face. “I know enough about hunting to know there is no quitting.”

Dean slightly shrugged. “Fair enough.”

“So, you’re gonna keep moving then?” Sam said.

Ellie nodded, finishing up her food.

“I know you’re going to want to shoot me down right away but hear me out first-“

“’Cause that just makes me eager to listen,” Ellie said sarcastically, adding an eye roll for extra effect.

“I know you won’t quit hunting, and that you’ve been doing it for awhile now, and you’re fully capable of taking care of yourself – but why don’t you come with us for just a few hunts? At least let us see you in action a little more and feel better about leaving you. But it would also give you the chance to get to know us and maybe come with us from now on.”

Sam finishes and Ellie looks between him and Dean, partly wondering if she heard right, and partly wanting to do as Sam had said earlier – shoot him down right away. But something in Ellie couldn’t help trust them a little. Well – Sam anyway.

Ellie sighed and looked over at Dean. “You know Anaya comes too, right? Aren’t you afraid of messing up your precious car?” she smirked. It came out as a joke but she secretly hoped it would make Dean reconsider their offer. Though he only rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, ha ha. I know the dog comes. But if it poops or pees in my baby one time, I’m throwing both of you out on the side of the road,” he points at Ellie accusingly.

Dang it, she thought. Ellie gave a long sigh and looked over to Sam, defeated. “All right. I’ll come with you. But,” she said, catching the victorious smile on his face. “Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” he said, still smiling.

Elliana rolled her eyes. “Let’s hit it, then. I have to grab Anaya.”

“Hold up a sec, kid,” Dean said. “Can you give us your name first? Hell, we haven’t even thought to ask you yet.”

“Elliana. Or Ellie.”

“Ellie…why does your name sound familiar?” Dean said, furrowing a brow.

Elliana furrowed her own brow as she thought about the same thing – and how she couldn’t shake the same feeling when the boys introduced themselves the other night. “I…kind of feel the same way…what’s your last name?!” Ellie’s head shoots up, feeling she had it.

“Winchester,” Sam said, more confused than she or Dean.

Then it clicked.

“Sam and Dean Winchester? Huh, I can’t believe it,” Ellie let out an airy laugh.

The guys share a questioning look.

“How do you know us? Have we met before?” Dean asked.

“Well, I know you, Dean. And we didn’t exactly meet. I called you for help. Elliana Moore.”

“Elliana Moore…Ellie Moore. I do remember now,” Dean points his finger, trying to dig through his memory banks. “Yeah, you called about vamps, right? How’d that go?”

Elliana was flashed to a hazy image of fangs out, the mouth they belong to pointing up to a smirk, hovering close above her face. The vague feeling of fear running though her veins.

“Ellie?” Sam questioned, worry lines crossing his forehead at her dazed look.

“Kid, you alright?”

Elliana snapped out of her daze to meet the boys’ concerned and confused expressions. “What? Yeah…yeah. I’m good. It was good. Let’s go,” she said quickly, confusion filling her mind as well.

She got up and led the way out of the restaurant with Sam and Dean following her, unsure of what happened but not ready to push anything yet. They were at least glad she agreed to go with them; and that was a start.

Chapter 2 ->

[ragnarssons]

Maybe they’re putting off the radio calls talk bc they can’t fully have an emotional talk while he’s still with Eggo. How else will that talk end but with a love confession?? Maybe (trying to be hopeful) just maybe they’ll have a deep talk about the radio calls after he and eggo have parted ways. Which I’m hoping will be no later than episode 3 next season....

Well… maybe but my problem is that it doesn’t work with Jroth who keeps saying that they’re “plATONiccc” and that he’s exploiting their FRIENDSHIP. If they can’t talk about basic “friendship” things because “Bellamy is with Eggo” then at what place is Bellarke, eh?? My biggest problem is the BLATANT hypocrisy between what Jroth says Bellarke is, and what Bellarke actually IS.

Because, if they’re “just friends” then why don’t they talk about it? Why are the radio calls something that was so important at the end of s4, beginning of s5 and then dropped and forgotten middle of the season just to be brought back by Madi just so that it’s all shrugged into a “mehh I forgive youuu” scene for something that has NOTHING to do with the radio calls? If Clarke and Bellamy as friends are “the spine of the show” or “platonic soulmates” why aren’t they able to talk about it, and why the writers think it’s unnecessary for Clarke to adress that she called her best friend every day to stay sane and have someone to confess stuff to?! And if they’re meant to be a opened-door to a romantic confession: WHY is Bellamy having a relationship with Eggo stopped Clarke, eh? I mean, even if she might have been hesitant on ep5 and let’s say after that she decided to take a step back because she saw Bellamy with Eggo and she doesn’t want to come in between: why isn’t the show MORE EXPLICIT about it? Why don’t Bob, Eliza or Jroth talk about it, instead of treating us like we’re crazy people for seeing things this way? Oh yeah Jroth keeps saying “I’m not a love triangle faaan” and yet he keeps putting ingredients and hits and bits of infos here and there that TOTALLY imply a love triangle (I mean, the CLs vs BCs shipwar didn’t happen for NO REASON!). But he never follows through with it (tbh it was exactly the same when Lxa was around: Lxa was jealous of Bellamy on s2 and Bellamy was obviously super focused on Clarke and jealous when she stayed in Polis - UM HELLO EVEN ALIE!RAVEN SAID SO?! - and yet it was too, never explicitely said. Finn was jealous of Bellamy too!). So they’re like “hehe SEE THE HINTS?!” even having characters literally SAYING IT now like Dyioza calling Clarke Bellamy’s girlfriend, the “she is” scene, the “a traitor who you love” scene- but do they follow through? Nooooooooooo they just leave us hanging! And Jroth laughs at our faces and calls us delusionals and props Bleggo while he used so many techniques to tease and bait us with Bellarke over and over again.So yeah, JROTH, actually IF they are friends, then ALLOW THEM TO TALK TO EACH OTHER AS FRIENDS! What couldn’t be seen as Clarke needing nothing more than her best friend in the radio calls?! Not that hard to adress this as a “platonic conversation” so why hasn’t it been adressed?! Because there’s a love confession at the end of this conversation?! Then stop stalling and GIVE IT TO US! Because at this point it’s just ridiculous and as it can be “felt” in this response, it’s SUPER ANNOYING! I’m sorry, since I saw the radio calls as this big tease for SEASON 5 (not season 6, “book 2″ or season 50 ya know?!) I thought it would be adressed on SEASON 5! And it wasn’t! And I’m furious about it because I just can’t help but think that it’s a way for Jroth to swipe it all under the rug because “new planeeeeeeeeeeet” while it was obviously SUPER IMPORTANT to Clarke and to the relationship (platonic or else) of Bellarke. And I’m tired of this show never letting its characters just TALK TO EACH OTHERS! I literally can’t see it happening on s6 because Jroth is a coward and he just took that away from us. Something that we’ve waited for a long time, something that Clarke deserves after 6 years of isolation from her friends. Something that the REAL Bellamy and Clarke; the ones that I love from s1 to s4 would talk about! I don’t care about romantic or not, I just really wanted that conversation, I really wanted that to be an acknowleged part of their relationship, having at least Bellamy knowing that he helped Clarke survive, after years of blaiming himself for “her death” (or leaving her behind). And Jroth ruined it all… s5 Bellarke is just that… ruined.

Having Bellamy and Clarke talk about the radio calls didn’t engage Jroth or the writers to anything. It could have been a totally “friendship platonic” conversation, and yet, they didn’t even have the respect (for their fans that they teased for MONTHS - even having Bob and Eliza say that it would be adressed by the end of the season?! - and for their TWO MAIN CHARACTERS, and supposedly “the spine of the show”) to even do that. When you don’t take the time to allow you female and male leads to talk about their feelings regarding the fact that they’ve been separated and “longing” for each other’s presence (again, platonic or not or whatever) for SIX YEAAAAAAARS (not two days, not several months, SIX F*CKING YEARS!), or not even exploring through conversation their EVOLUTIONS and changes, thus showing the audience that the characters are AT LEAST “catching up” and still caring about each other, then you’re a bad writer. That’s it, simple as that. I’m sorry, it’s simple as that! If I had left a friend to die and thought that friend was dead for six years and suddenly I found out he or she was alive?! I’d want to know EVERYTHING that happened to them! I’d want to catch up, and even with war or whatever, I’d still be by their side and being… CHANGED by the idea that this person is alive and that this miracle allowed me to have a second chance! I’m sorry @ Jroth’s-half-assed-writing, was I supposed to see that on s5 between “bffs” Bellamy and Clarke?! I can’t believe this bullshit writing now even ruined Bellarke, because so far, it was the only thing that wasn’t ruined. I can’t believe I suffered through s5′s bullshit war plot (that was so unnecessary, so stupid, so pointless and sooooooo laaaate into the season!) just to have… NOTHING character-wise too! Looking back at it, that season was EMPTY! At least Octavia kinda saved it because she literally was the only one with a real storyline of her own! Sorry I struggle to be positive about season 6 right now. I don’t like how Jroth is adressing it already, it feels super obvious that he’s really moving forward from s5 so I don’t have faith in him to bring back the radio calls. Because 1) they NEVER give time for the characters to talk and 2) Jroth has a pretty “non-continuing” vision of his story. It’s like some characters have the ability to totally change and forget things from one season to another (and it’s gotten worse since s3…). So yeah, I kinda need to expect at this point (and prepare myself to this idea), that season 6 will be “PLOT PLOT PLOT PLOOOOOOOOT” and that’s it. And bleggo cuddling on a beach. Oh, joy, I’m so glad I kept watching this far.

[cssns]

Please welcome to the CSSNS @emmaswanchoosesyou!!!

Hello again everyone! We’re back with our next author spotlight! @emmaswanchoosesyou is our next featured author! So everyone go say hi and welcome her to the CSSNS!!

How long have you been in the CS/OUAT fandom? 

I started watching the show in S1, took a break until after S3 was done. I caught up then and started reading fic, but I didn't join the fray myself until the beginning of S5.

When did you start shipping CaptainSwan? 

I lightly shipped it from the end of S2, but the moment that made me ride-or-die for this ship was Neverland's "I have yet to see you fail."

What drew you to this event?

I had a very absurd and silly idea that happened to be supernaturally themed, and this seemed the perfect opportunity to get it written and to share it.

What inspired your topic? 

I love stories that fall under the "comedy of errors" umbrella, and there was a post about vampires drinking coconut water that made me giggle--I even woke from sleep laughing thinking about it--and I couldn't resist combining the two.

If you would like to share a snippet/sneak peek/summary of your fic or artwork, please use the space below.

He wasn’t a heathen.

Well, okay, he was, but that was just part and parcel of being a vampire.

At least vampires weren’t the soulless, lurking-in-the-night creatures of popular imagination. No, they had their souls. (Unless they’d sold it to the Devil, a demon, or witch, but any Tom, Dick, or Harry might do that.)

This looks like its going to be fun! Amber posts on ao3 as mearcats. Her work can be found here. I’ve only read her Big Bang and Little Bang fic and they were both wonderful!! So go give this talented writer some love and welcome her to the CSSNS!!! Her fic drops June 9.

[stayiny0urmagic]

Be There

A/N: Guys I did a thing. FINALLY. Thank you to @sophandjess77​ & @ashnic095​ for your motivation/inspo, I literally could not have done this without it. 

As for this fic... not rly sure what it is. Not the proudest of it. But I missed writing Linstead so much, and I don’t have it in me to write fluff anymore (at this time anyway), so this happened. It’s technically post 5x07, but I haven’t watched a single minute of S5, so it could be a litttttle off. But it’s wishful thinking. So I hope you all enjoy, and please leave some feedback! 

Hope you’re all having a great weekend, and happy Thanksgiving if I don’t talk to y’all before the holiday :) xo 

Erin sighed loudly as she rolled over in bed for what felt like the millionth time.  She was bone tired and after finally wrapping up what was arguably her hardest case since moving to New York, but for some reason, her body just would not fall asleep. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong but she didn’t possibly know what it could be. Erin combed over the minimal free time she’d had over the past few days in her mind again, blocking out the majority of her thoughts about the sickening pedophilia ring she’d just busted with the FBI, to try and figure out the cause of the growing pit in her stomach. She’d been stressing about the fact that Thanksgiving was in three days and for the first time in her life, she’d be spending the holiday alone. She still hadn’t gotten close enough with any of her coworkers in the city to be invited to their family celebrations, Liv and Noah were traveling to Connecticut to meet some family, she didn’t have any other friends in New York, and she hadn’t heard from Olive about her plans with Daniel, nor had Hank contacted her with an invite to come home for the long weekend.

Home. Erin sighed again at the thought of that word. She missed Chicago, and Hank, and Intelligence, and her team. Her friends. Jay. She really fucking missed Jay, not that she let herself think about it much. As soon as his name entered her brain, she blindly reached for her cellphone off of her nightstand to distract herself with something else. Anything else. She hit the home button and her breath caught in her throat when her phone lit up and she saw the date. The sinking feeling in her stomach suddenly made sense. Monday, November 20. The clock had recently struck midnight, and it was now exactly six months since the last day she saw Jay Halstead. One hundred eighty days since she looked into those blue eyes made her heart stop. Four thousand three hundred and twenty hours since she’d heard his laugh, the sound that always was, and always would be, her favorite. Over two hundred and fifty thousand minutes since she’d heard his voice. Over one million seconds since his name had popped up on her phone screen that night. That fucking night, that she regrets more than anything in this entire world.

As if on cue, her phone began to vibrate in her hand, and Erin’s heart just about stopped. She didn’t know who was calling her past midnight, but she knew it wasn’t good. Taking a deep breath, she glanced back down at the caller ID.

Hailey Upton, her screen flashed. What the fuck.

Erin’s hand was so shaky that it took her a few rings to finally slide to unlock her phone, and when she finally brought the device to her ear she wasn’t sure her vocal cords were going to work.

“Hello?” She whispered shakily. “Upton?”

“Erin,” Hailey breathed a sigh of relief into the phone. “Thank god you answered.”

“Upton, what the fuck is wrong?” Erin snapped, already out of bed and pacing around her dark room.

“It’s Jay,” her replacement said quickly. “I don’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to call,”

“What about Jay? Did he get shot? Is he-?” Erin’s voice cracked as she said her ex-partner’s name, her mind already fearing the worst. He could not be dead. She would never forgive herself. She didn’t even say goodbye.

“No! God, no, Erin,” Upton said quickly, realizing she had to get on with it. “He’s fine. Physically anyway. Mentally… Erin, I don’t know what to do,” she repeated.

“What happened? And what am I supposed to do about it?” Erin felt a wave of relief knowing Jay was still breathing, but was currently feeling every emotion possible. Guilt and regret, though – those were the strongest.

“Do you know anything about what’s gone on here in the past month?” Hailey said weakly. “It’s been one thing after another. He can’t catch a break. He’s mourning you. He’s mourning our cases. He was just undercover, Erin, and I’m honestly shocked he came out alive. I’ve never seen anyone as broken as I saw him tonight. I don’t even know where, or how, to begin to explain, but I’m so afraid for him. I think tonight was the just beginning of a really awful spiral,” Jay’s new partner’s voice broke midway through her explanation, and that’s all Erin needed to hear for the tears that she’d been holding back to flow freely.

“I…” Erin hiccupped. “I had no idea. I haven’t talked to Hank in months, and every damn night all I want to do is pick up the phone and call Jay, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe if I had-“

“Erin,” Hailey’s voice was stronger now. “Now is not the time to think about what-ifs. Please tell me what to do. How to get through to him. I asked everyone on the team tonight what the hell I should be doing right now, and not only does no one know, but every single person told me to get in touch with you. Even Voight.”

Erin began crying even harder. “He’s,” she stopped to catch her breath. “He’s at the dive bar on the corner of Michigan and Hubbard right now. I promise. Please go to him, Upton, he can’t be alone right now,” she begged.

“How do you know?” Hailey asked, and Erin could hear her already speed-walking.

“I just do,” Erin choked out. “Please just get him somewhere safe for the night,”

“I’m on my way,” Upton promised. “But this isn’t going to magically be better overnight, Erin! What do I do in the morning, when he wakes up hungover – if he can even fall asleep - and crying over the 8-year-old girl he killed, or his nightmares that came back again, or everything that happened when he was just undercover? I don’t know what to do. I haven’t known what to do for months, Erin. Everyone keeps saying that this wouldn’t be happening if you were here. Do you know what a shitty partner that makes me feel like? That every damn day I see my partner struggling to keep his head above water and I can’t even offer him a damn life jacket, but every time I turn my head it seems like someone is talking about what you would do! How you handled him so easily!”

Erin was inconsolable at this point as she dug through her closet to find her suitcase. “I don’t even know what to say right now, Hailey. Please just get him home safe. Don’t let him be alone tonight, and I’ll be in Chicago in the morning.”

“W-what?” Hailey gasped. “You’re coming to Chicago?”

“If Jay needs me, yes. I couldn’t even begin to explain to you how to get through to him. I don’t even know if I know how anymore, or if I’ll be able to figure it out. But what I do know,” Erin sniffled again before finally finding her voice, “is that I love him. I never stopped loving him, and at this point I don’t think I’m ever going to stop. And he’s been there for me and saved me from more downward spirals than I can count, and it’s my turn. He might not even want to see me when I get there, and it very well might be up to you to pull him out of this. But damn it, Hailey, I will never forgive myself if I don’t come home and try to help him right now,”

“Okay,” Upton nodded as if Erin could see her. “Okay. I just got to the bar so… I’m going to pray to God he’s inside.”

“Please keep me updated,” Erin said softly as she threw random clothes into her bag.

“Of course,” Hailey took a deep breath. “Thank you, Erin. Have a safe flight.”

“Thank you for calling me. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” Erin sighed as she brought the phone down from her ear and threw it into the middle of her bed, using her free hands to zip up her suitcase.

She threw on a pair of leggings and the first hoodie she could find, which of course happened to be one of Jay’s that she’d stolen months ago, back when everything was okay, and hadn’t been able to leave Chicago without. She glanced in the mirror, noting her puffy eyes and extreme bedhead, but couldn’t bring herself to fix either in her rush to get to the airport. Erin picked up her suitcase and phone off of her bed, slipped a pair of running sneakers onto her feet, then ran out of her bedroom and into the kitchen where grabbed her purse and keys off of her counter before running out the door. Even though it was now nearing 1 am, New York really was the city that never sleeps, and luckily there was a taxi right outside of Erin’s building.

“LaGuardia,” Erin ordered the second she opened the door, throwing her suitcase and purse onto the seat before sliding into the car.

The driver nodded and drove off as Erin felt her phone vibrate in her sweatshirt pocket.

Got him. Driving him back to my place now.

Tears trickled down Erin’s cheeks as she read Hailey’s message. Tears of relief, that he was safe. Tears of guilt, for contributing to the circumstances that landed him in that shitty bar in the first place. Tears of fear, for whatever the fuck was going to happen when she got to Chicago.

Despite the city’s livelihood, there was minimal traffic at this hour and Erin’s cab pulled into the drop off lane at LaGaurdia Airport 25 minutes later. “Thank you,” she mumbled, throwing a wad of cash into the driver’s hand before nearly sprinting out of the car and through the airport doors.

“Hi,” Erin paused to catch her breath as she approached the desk agent. “I need the first available ticket to O’Hare.”

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Six and a half hours later, Erin Lindsay was back in Chicago. She impatiently sat at the gate at O’Hare waiting for the pilot to let them off the plane, she realized that she should probably let her boss know that she wasn’t going to be in work today. Or any day until after Thanksgiving, for that matter. She knew that there was a 98% chance Jay was going to slam the door in her face the second he saw her, but she’d be damned if she gave up on him this time around.

She typed out a short message to her new boss telling him she had a family emergency in Chicago and had to fly into the city immediately. Professionalism be damned, she thought. At this moment in time, being fired was the least of her worries. She actually only had one worry right now. Only one thing mattered. One person.

The plane finally began to unload and Erin grabbed her suitcase and purse from the overhead compartment, thankful she didn’t have to waste any time waiting at baggage claim. She ordered an Uber to Upton’s apartment the second she was off the plane, tears filling her eyes at the familiarity of the airport she was walking through. Despite her nostalgia, she nearly sprinted through the building. The second she got into the car, she clicked on Upton’s contact and brought her phone to her ear.

“Hey,” Hailey answered quietly. “I just dropped him home,”

Erin was surprised that Jay had been up and moving that early, but also thankful that his new partner wouldn’t be around to witness her homecoming. “Where is ‘home’?” Erin’s heart broke as she had to ask that question.

“Oh, um… your old place,” Upton said quietly.

Tears filled Erin’s eyes at Upton’s admission. “Hold on,” she choked out, before bringing the phone away from her ear and leaning up to the driver’s seat. “Can you change the destination?” The older man nodded, and Erin gave him her old address.

“Thanks,” Erin replaced the phone near her mouth. “And I mean for everything, Hailey. I’m really glad he’s had you these past few months,”

“I don’t think I was much help, I mean-“

“No, Hailey. I promise you were. Thank you,” Erin hung up the phone quickly as tears cascaded down her face once again. She looked out the window, and the familiar buildings whizzing by did nothing to calm her waterworks.

After what felt like forever, Erin’s Uber arrived in front of her old apartment. Even though it had been the longest car ride of her life, she had absolutely no idea what she was going to say. Or how Jay was even going to react to seeing her face. He might not even give her a chance to say a word.

“Thank you,” Erin rasped to the driver as she collected her bags and made her way into the building she thought she’d never step foot into again. Muscle memory led her up two flights of stairs, and before she knew it she was standing in front of door 310.

She took a deep breath before lifting her free hand and knocking gently on the white door.

“Upton, Will, whoever the fuck you are, leave me alone!” her ex-partner’s broken rang out, and if Erin’s heart wasn’t already shattered, it was now. She knocked again, not trusting her voice.

“I swear-“ Jay’s voice got louder and Erin held her breath as she saw the door handle moving.

A second later, door was open and the two ex-partners were standing face to face for the first time in six months. Time froze as Erin took in Jay’s pale face, puffy eyes, and thinning body. Without even thinking, she pushed her way into the apartment and dropped her bags into the middle of the floor and immediately threw her hands around Jay’s neck, engulfing him in a hug. He didn’t fight it, and within seconds Erin felt his hot tears on her neck.

“Hey,” she whispered, her own voice nearly lost in her own tears. She brought one hand up to the nape of his neck, while the other hand began to rub up and down his back. “It’s okay.”

It was silent for a long time, aside for both of their cries. At some point, Jay’s arms encased her, and Erin wasn’t sure how long she stood there rubbing his back as his tears soaked her shirt, but she never wanted it to end. He was so vulnerable in this moment and Erin felt like she was actually able to protect him from the world, and it was all she wanted to do. She knew the second he pulled away, he might very well scream and punch a wall and kick her out.

Eventually the tears stopped, and Erin knew that words were finally coming. She pressed a kiss to Jay’s cheek before pulling back to meet his eyes again. She stayed silent, willing him to speak first and lead where this conversation was going to go.

She expected anger, and yelling, and blame. She was ready for screams and banging and everything that she deserved. She didn’t get that, and her heart almost stopped when she heard his first words.

“I needed you,” he whispered hoarsely, causing a new batch of tears to spill out of her eyes. “I needed you so bad, Erin, and you weren’t there.”

“I am so sorry,” she choked out. “I am so, so sorry. What happened?”

“Everything,” Jay said weakly. Realizing they were still standing near the doorway, he turned to walk to the couch, willing Erin to follow, and she did.

Sitting down on the couch next to him, Erin took a deep breath and wiped her eyes “Talk to me,” she said gently.

Jay sighed. He’d imagined this moment; he’d pictured her coming back to Chicago so many times. Every time he thought about it, he imagined it going differently. Sometimes he yelled at her. He told her how fucked up it was that she left without so much as a goodbye, and he told her about his mother’s ring, and that all she ever did was run from her problems. Sometimes he was just so damn happy to see her face again. He told her how much he missed her, and how much he still loved her, and how everything was so damn wrong without her. Sometimes he was relieved. Sometimes he was terrified. And this time? Now that it was actually happening? His mind was racing. He was pissed, that she just showed up here and barged back in and thought she had the right to know what was going on in his life. He was thankful to see her face and be in her embrace and feel like for the first time in over six months, something was going right. He was confused about how she got here and how she knew he needed her.

“You left,” he whispered.

Erin nodded. “It’s the biggest regret of my life,”

“Why did you leave, Erin? I was trying to get better for you, and I was going to come home. I was trying so hard. I know I should have told you about Abby and the nightmares and-“

“Jay,” Erin said, her voice firmer than it had been all morning. “Do not put this on you. I did not leave because of you. You were the only thing keeping me here. I was in love with you, Jay. I still am in love with you, and leaving was the biggest mistake of my life. I…I put my mom before myself, again, and look where it got me. There’s your answer. I left to help Bunny. Hank made a deal with the FBI. I work for them in New York, they let her go. None of it was your fault, you have to believe that,”

“Er,” Jay’s head began to spin at the new information, but Erin interrupted him before he could speak again.

“No more about me. At least not right now. Please tell me what’s wrong, Jay,” Against her better judgment, Erin moved closer on the couch and placed a hand on his arm.

“Everything,” he repeated. “I shot a little girl, Erin. I killed an innocent, eight year old child. And it just brought me right fucking back there. And now I’m stuck there. I can’t close my fucking eyes anymore. I thought it was bad when Abby came back? That was nothing compared to this. And even though I didn’t show it, I knew that I had you to turn to if I needed to. But now? I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“I’m so sorry,” Erin repeated for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. Her thoughts flashed back to the boy she’d shot months ago, and how his face haunted her dreams for weeks. Jay had been the only thing that got her through that, and she wasn’t there to do the same for him. “You’re not there. You are here, and you are doing so much good for so many people. You keep this city safe and you save so many lives daily, Jay. There are so many people who are so thankful for you, and so proud of you.”

“It doesn’t feel that way,” Jay shook his head. “If I didn’t do this, that girl would still be alive. Her mom would get to see her fall in love, and go to prom, and graduate high school,”

“Hey,” Erin squeezed his arm. “You can’t think like that. If you weren’t here, how many criminals would still be out there? How many innocent people would have died at the hands of the awful people you’ve taken off the streets?”

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Er,” Jay made eye contact with her for the first time since their serious talk had begun.

“When’s the last time you slept?” Erin asked, getting the idea that he was done talking. She had never seen eyes so bloodshot, or bags as big as the ones under Jay’s eyes.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly.

“Come on,” she said softly, standing up and reaching for Jay’s hand. She led him through the familiar apartment with ease, pretending not to notice how everything was so different, but also the same as it was six months ago. They entered the bedroom and Erin wasn’t surprised to see the bed neatly made, despite everything. “Lay down,” she instructed.

Jay obliged, pulling the covers back and getting in on the left side of the bed, the side that had always been his side. Erin followed him to the side, pulling the blanket back up over him and leaning down to press her lips to his forehead, even though she knew she shouldn’t. As she turned to walk out of the room, he reached out and grabbed her wrist.

“Stay in here. Please,” Jay wasn’t above begging. He still didn’t know what his emotions towards Erin were at this moment, but he knew that he had never slept as well as he did with that girl beside him.

Erin nodded immediately, walking around to the other side of the bed and slipping her sneakers off before crawling under the covers. Like a magnet, her body curled into Jay’s as his head fell into the crook of her neck and she began her ministrations on his back again.

“Go to sleep,” she murmured into his ear. “I got you,”

At the sound of her saying those three words he never thought he’d hear again, Jay drifted off to his first dreamless sleep in as long as he could remember. For the first time in over six months, he knew Erin Lindsay would be there when he woke up. He didn’t know what would happen after that, but he knew she would be there. And that was enough for now.

[artistic-writer]

2, 6, 9, 12, 16

Thanks for the questions anon!  Here are your replies!

2. Favorite piece overall?

So I started writing fanfics about 15 years ago.  They weren’t good, but I had a passion for words and a drive to create.  In all of that time, I have written fanfics for various fandoms, but my favourite of all time is one I wrote for the Prison Break fandom.

It is called “The Virtues of Michael Scofield According to Lincoln Burrows” and I wrote it in 2007 for a PB Hiatus Fic Challenge on LiveJournal.  The prompt was “Virtues” and could have been any, but I went with all of them.  It is by no means my most popular fic (read about 700 times total) compared to Turbulence (27,000 of you have read that!) or Love, Life and the Forbidden (read a staggering 38,000 times!*) but I really enjoyed writing it and making Lincoln into a deep thinking human no one really saw him as!A close second would be My Last Betrayal which is one of the most difficult, heart-wrenching, angst-filled fics I have ever written.  And I loved every minute of it.  The prompts were: Linc/Sara, Michael/Sara, Drugs, Pain, Bruises - So as a Michael/Sara fan, I wrote the only thing I could write that wouldn’t get me lynched! lol (trigger warning).

*stats according to FF.net/Prisonbreakfic.net/AO3 combined - the majority being on PBF.net.

6. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

Hmm…thats a tough one.   I have so many AU ideas floating around my head, because who doesn’t love AU, but I often sit back and wonder how they would work.  I have had a Killian/Emma AU running around in their for a few days actually, but I have such terrible OCD for details and descriptions, I feel so woefully unprepared!  How will I know if she is doing her fake AU job properly?  How will I know is Killian is doing HIS properly?  I have never actually been to New York, so how do I know what’s on this street?  Or that street?  What way do the signs face?  How long is the delay between traffic lights changing and the crossing alert?  How does the engine of the car Killian drive’s sound in RL?  What car does he even drive?  How do they drink their coffee?  Will AU Killian have two hands in which to hold Emma with, or will he lose it in an accident?  This is my brain people.

9. Favorite character to write?

Michael Scofield. No question.  I would probably go far as to say I practically role play him when I write, which I have since discovered is a thing now.  I am also afflicted with a form of LLI, so my brain does not shut off like normal people brains.  I remember when I saw PB for the first time, and Wentworth Miller played what is basically a male version of myself so well, I cried.  I cried because in all of my years watching TV and engrossing myself in the lives of fictional characters, no one had ever spoken to me as vividly as WM’s portrayal of Michael Scofield.  And I love him for it.  I love him for showing the potential of imperfect perfectionists ;)

12. What WIPs do you have going now? Are you excited about them?

Oh well.  Of course, there is Turbulence which was started in 2007, and has recently been revived.  I had a small mental implosion in 2008 and my entire life was halted - I dropped off grid, stopped watching TV, quit all social media and tried to kill myself. Twice.  I didn’t even see season 3 & 4 of PB until earlier this year when S5 was announced, so finishing a fic I started ten years ago was the last thing on my mind.  I wrote a few sentences of a new chapter and it was like I had never stopped.  I even got a comment from an AO3 member who had started reading it way back in the beginning and couldn’t believe it was back (i had left it on a cliffhanger by accident - oops! lol)  

As for being excited about it, I wane.  One minute I am super psyched to write more, then I remember I have no idea where it WAS going to go, so I am winging it. The WORST possible way to write a long fic is to just go with each chapter without an end game lol.  So I have decided that I will write the next one (half way done) and then maybe one more, which will leave it on an open ended type ending, where i could write more, but it will be equally as finished if i do not.  I have always planned a sequel too, and that will be a whole new kettle of fish with no bad 2007/2008 connotations for me, so might be more likely to happen.

I also have an OUAT AU Killian/Emma fic in the works.  It’s very early days so I am in the planning stage with very scrappy notes on possible chapters.  Just know it is loosely based off the relationship of a good friend of mine and how he met his now wife.

And then there is Tabula Rasa. Currently unpublished, it is a total love at first sight smut fest written with AO3 user eternalcaptainswan.  We live in the same country so it makes co-writing much easier, and it started out as an exercise to help a fellow writer who didn’t think she was good enough :)  Because I am nice, and despite her reservations, she is good and writes Sara very well.  I am Michael.  It is post series 2, Sara was never at Fox River because she was in her drug addiction phase of her life, Michael and Lincoln were exonerated and the whole fic is set 4 years after season 2.  And when i say smut fest….boy ho boy.

16. 3 favorite comments ever received on fanfic.

Ok, out of context these are going to be hilarious but they are as follows.

“Fucking Killian lmfao” - The Jolly Roger

“ OMG that was I don’t even know. I think I’m going to have to go take a cold shower now because really? That was so DAMN good!! Loved it, off to read more …” - Beautifully Chaotic [review left on PBF.net]

“ ITrustYouToKillMe with every chapter. Definitely worth the wait. **fansmyself** “ - Twelve Months [the review was on PBF.net]

So, a lot of what i write/have written involved explicit material, and a lot fo my reviews were from people telling me how hot they got reading my “incredibly descriptive” sexy stuffs :p  These three stick out in my mind because they made me laugh (the recently left #1) and i appreciate every single word left for me!

[queenandani]

Prison Break

So about a week before Prison Break came back, I saw an ad for it. I thought it looked interesting and decided to watch the first 4 seasons (Mainly because of WentWorth cause I fell in love with him in Flash). I spent the next few weeks watching the show and omg. I can say right now that there has never been a show that got me like Prison Break. I had so much anxiety throughout the whole thing it was ridiculous. I even considered to stop watching it because of how nervous I was every time I watched it. My mom and sis would come home and I would just be in a daze for hours not able to think of anything but Prison Break. From S1 freaking out that they won’t escape (even though I knew they would I still was worried), S2 will Michael and Sara ever reunite, will Lincoln get caught again?, S3 freaking out that Michael will never see Sara (even though I knew she was going to be alive), and S4 knowing that Michael was going to “die” at the end. And with the whole illness that completely through me off guard. And those were some hard weeks. I would stay up till like 3 in the morning because I couldn’t go to sleep until something was resolved and every time one thing was another arose. I would wake up the next morning and the first thing I would do is watch. I cannot count how many times I told myself “it is just a show it is just a show it is just a show” and after all these years that still does not work. But the show. I fuckin loved it. I thought I couldn’t fall in love with WentWorth more and I fuckin did. I am in love this man so much and he has definitely made it to my list of aspiring actors. I am fully caught up (including the mini series) and I am happy they brought It back.

What I Loved About Prison Break

#1: Actors

The actors in this show are phenomenal. Thats like all there is to say

#2: The fuckin edge

Idk about the rest of you but this show keeps me on edge at every waking moment. There were only a few moments throughout the show I wasn’t trying to contain myself from spazzing out. I loved/ hated it at the same time. It worked perfectly. The show is mainly multiple characters always watching their backs, and you yourself watching their backs with them. In S1, Michael made a lot of enemies at Fox River. It made you on edge the whole time wondering who is gonna come after him next. S2 all the cons are on the run. You are getting just as paranoid as them hoping no one catches them. S3, you feel Michaels pain during his temporary loss of Sara and join Lincoln in his nervousness trying to save his son while worrying about his brother. S4 you constantly worrying if these people will ever be free just like the characters are, always second guessing every person they meet because all of you have been fooled one two many times. You are also just nervously waiting for Michael to collapse again or have another nose bleed, constantly yelling at him to go to a hospital just like Sara and Lincoln. When they are finally free you are happy but also skeptical and they are as well.

#3 Sara

The show originally wanted to kill Sara off on 2 occasions. 1: When she had the overdose in the S1 finale, 2: When she was absent throughout all of S3 (cause the actress was visibly pregnant ) she was going to remain dead but the writers and directors decided to bring her back in S4. When I watch S3, Michaels pain nearly killed me (even though I knew she was coming back). I loved her and Michael together and I’m glad I got a whole season of them being partners in crime in S4.

#4 Michael and Sucre

These two are the definition of brotp. I was sure Sucre would be dead by the end of S1 but I am happy he is back in the mini series. (Please don’t kill him off writers) Sucre on multiple counts left his life behind to help Michael and he has always been there from the start. He nearly got buried alive, nearly got shot and got arrested just to keep Michael safe. Than, in the mini series, he gets one phone call from a guy he use to work with saying that there is a chance Michael could still be alive and he literally drops everything to travel with Lincoln to Yemen because there is a chance that his best friend (he still considers Michael is best friend even though he thought he was dead for the past 7 years) might be in danger. [Wipes single tear] *sniffs* beautiful.

#5 T-Bag

Don’t get me wrong, T-Bag is a horrible person who should have died a long time ago, but you can’t help but like his character. When I watched the first season I wanted him dead and by S4, like… I still wanted him dead but I am not completely annoyed by his presence. Unlike Michael, Sara, Lincoln or Sucre, you can watch him get played and get the shit beaten out of him and still fuckin laugh because in all honesty we really don’t give a shit about him and knows he deserves everything he gets. It’s honestly just a breath a fresh air when I am constantly worried about Michael and Sara and Lincoln and Sucre and feeling sad when something bad happens to them to have a character to just not really care for and laugh occasionally at his ridiculous banter.

#6 Michael Scofield

Michael Scofield has to be now one of my favorite fictional characters of all time. I love his way of thinking and how he is willing to do anything to keep everyone he loves safe. What I loved about the first season is how you see certain things get to Michael. Prison is a very fucked up place and it is enough to make someone change forever. Although Michael thinks pretty much all of moves through, he could never have imagined the things he would witness by entering Fox River. He witnessed murder, suicide, his brother being hooked up to the electric chair, and just enough weird behavior to make anyones stomach turn. Michael is not made of steel, there is only so much someone can take, plus all of the guilt he had put on himself and I have a feeling a lot of this is going to play out S5. Wentworth Miller and Sara Tancredi have been hinting at us that there is a chance that Michael isnt the same person he was since the last time Lincoln and Sara saw him. Whatever he went through in the past 7 years plus all the guilt from the first 4 seasons could have possibly changed Michael and I am excited to see that play out in S5.

There are so many things I love about Prison that I wont go into full detail about but I swear if there is anyone wondering if they should watch it. Im telling you watch it.

[dxringred]

SVU for the in depth fandom questions, of course!

Whoever sent me this is an angel and I am eternally in your debt. Also going to put this under the cut because I know before even writing it that it’s going to be long. x

Top 5 favourite characters: well anyone who knows me knows that Casey Novak is my favorite character, of course. I also really love Melinda Warner, and Elizabeth Donnelly. And Fin Tutuola and John Munch make me laugh quite frequently so they’d probably round off my top five.

Other characters you like: generally speaking I like most of the regulars? If I had to pick, like, five more they’d probably be, in no particular order: George Huang, Alexandra Cabot, Amanda Rollins, Judith Siper and Ruben Morales.

Least favourite characters: Any of the ADAs who appear after Season 9, apart from maybe Sonya Paxton whose complexity and uncountable character flaws I really loved; Dale Stuckey although I did feel quite sorry for him when it came down to it; Rafael Barba; and Elliot Stabler.

Otps: I won’t lie, I literally ship nobody from SVU? If I had to pick any ship it’d probably be Olivia/Casey because they’re mostly the only characters I pay attention to, and Olivia/Amanda comes directly after it. But I do have a soft spot for Munch/Fin because they’re pretty cute together. I also had a brief thing for Elliot/Casey during one rewatch which was weird as hell.

Notps: lmao anything involving Barba, particularly Barisi although I don’t watch the newer seasons so it’s not really something I have to worry about. I’m pretty much impartial to every other ship there is if I’m honest.

Favourite friendships: basically Casey and everyone? Though I really like her friendship with Munch, and I like Munch’s “friendship” with Fin. And I like Melinda’s friendship with everyone when it is shown. Bensler was pretty good too before S6 when everything went to the dogs between them.

Favourite family: there are practically only two families on SVU so this doesn’t help, but I’d have to pick the Stablers because I actually really like Kathy (and had a little bit of a crush on Maureen).

Favourite episodes: I have a list of all my favorites in my drafts and there are literally 40 names on that list. Night is definitely my favorite of all time (along with Serendipity and Raw) even if it does get me super emotional, but off the top of my head other episodes would include: Hate, Scavenger, Poison, Goliath, Parts, Painless, Game, Screwed, Influence, Alternate, Pretend, Authority, Svengali, Savant, Gone, Manipulated, Mean, Blinded, Impulsive, Reparations, Bound and Alien. (I’m pretty sure I could actually recite the entire list off of the top of my head which is pretty sad lmao.)

Favourite season/book/movie: I love all of Seasons 5-9 but Season 5 is probably my favorite in terms of episodes, with 6 at a very close second.

Favourite quotes: honestly most of the stuff Casey says because she literally just sasses everyone. But some of my favorites in general probably have to be:

“The Patriot Act. This convoluted piece of legislature isn’t worth the paper it’s written on!“ 

"I’m not saying I didn’t see crazies in Brooklyn but you guys are cuckoo magnets." 

"If you think Jack McCoy is going to let me get away with that then you are crazier than he is." 

"His dirty laundry is cleaner than my entire wardrobe." 

"D'you know what you get when you mix fertilizer and diesel fuel? Oklahoma City." 

“Your jacket has more than a few excessive force complaints and if IAB finds there’s any merit to Dixon’s story you’re a liability I just won’t tolerate." 

Best musical moment: I’ve got to say I love the opening theme. I also like the music at the end of Goliath, and the soundtrack at the end of Screwed because that always gets me emotional. There’s also a scene in Avatar where the background music is really good. Generally a lot of the background music is really good to be honest.

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: probably when Casey made her reappearance in Reparations; that sent me over the edge, let me tell you. Liv’s return in S8 also gets me quite a bit when I watch that episode.

When it really disappointed you: even though I’ve only watched the episode once, and have literally no recollection of it, Cold is an episode I will never talk about, never watch, and never admit the existence of. My other big disappointment is the end of Dana Lewis which I am so angry about, god damn it she deserved better!!!

Saddest moment: Night is the saddest episode ever, I absolutely cannot watch it without shedding tears. It’s bad enough that Casey gets beaten to within an inch of her life in her own office (fun fact: the actress actually got beaten up in real life for that scene which makes it 10x worse) but then you see her in the hospital and she’s crying and all banged up and I sWEAR TO GOD. Sometimes I put off watching the episode for days because I cannot mentally prepare myself despite watching it six billion times before.

Most well done character death: Sonya Paxton. It’s one of three I recall and really hurts me when I do decide to watch that particular episode. Because for me she was an interesting character and I quite liked her. And she really seemed to be helping herself out, and trying to get better. (At least from what I recall.) But then she just gets murdered and still manages to help nail the bastard who killed her.

Favourite guest star: Robin Williams in Authority automatically springs to mind personally, just because it’s one of the more memorable ones. I don’t really pay the greatest amount of attention to guest stars (because I never recognize anyone) but the other person I can think of is Mary Stuart Masterson who played Rebecca Hendrix in S6 and a couple of other episodes. Oh and Marlo Thomas as Mary Clark in S5, she was great too. I love watching her in the few episodes she appeared in. 

Favourite cast member: who am I kidding, everyone knows I’m going to say Diane Neal. God I love her. She’s super funny, passionate, and very into politics and I just love her.

Character you wish was still alive: Sister Peg. Plain and simple.

One thing you hope really happens: I lowkey really want Casey Novak to come back but I know that’s never going to happen, especially not while Barba is still around. But a girl can dream. 

Most shocking twist: for me Serendipity and Trade both had great twists. In terms of throwing you off, Serendipity is notorious for it, and Trade’s twist comes about in, like, the last few minutes of the episode and it’s pretty surprising. (Or at least I thought it was when first watching.)

When did you start watching/reading?: this is such a hard question for me to answer because I don’t entirely remember? I remember vague parts of my childhood where I watched parts of episodes, but that’s only because my mom used to have it on the television all the time. I think I finally decided to watch the entire show from start to finish when I was 11? So almost 7 years ago now. (Fun fact: I’m older than the show by literally only one month and a day lol.) Then after one rewatch I dropped it and occasionally watched the current season. And then I randomly got back into the show last May time, watching from Serendipity to the current season. And the only reason I started at Serendipity and not S1 is because I had a weird epiphany where I vaguely remembered the plot of the episode as well as the name and decided to Google it.

Best animal/creature: it’s got to be Basketball Monkey. For sure. That thing was damn cute.

Favourite location: the courtroom and the DA’s office. Courtroom scenes are always my favorite, for whatever reason, and I like the style of Casey’s office in particular. Very professional, and lots of books. I will also never forget the one time we went to Casey’s apartment.

Trope you wish they would stop using: Saint Benson. I just- it put me off of the show among other things, and I honestly don’t like it. Also, I don’t know if it counts as a trope, and obviously it doesn’t exist in current seasons, but Stabler losing his shit with the ADAs pisses me off. He does it way more than the other detectives and it winds me up. 

One thing this show/book/film does better than others: nowadays? Nothing, that’s for sure. In older seasons, however, I’d say things were more original compared to what I see on TV toady. It’s less soapy and more “hardcore”, with the different episodes tackling different issues. One of my favorite episodes in this sense is Alien, which I definitely recommend because it tackles sexuality as does Closet. Influence and Blinded are also rather good when it comes to mental illness, and Raw is fairly good with, like, addressing racial supremacy etc.

Funniest moments: that one time Casey made a house call to a judge and stumbled upon him playing a game of poker with, like, four other judges. That scene is forever etched into my mind and cracks me up every time I even think about it.

Couple you would like to see: probably Munch/Fin. Don’t know why, but it’d be them for sure. Out of the current cast I’d probably pick Amanda/Olivia, just because. 

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: I would personally love to see an appearance from some of the previous NCIS cast members? I have no clue as to why, I just would. 

Favourite outfit: this is going to sound so dorky, but I’d love all of Casey’s wardrobe? From her casual clothes to her work outfits a lot of the stuff she wears is stuff I’d totally go out in. In fact, a lot of my school wardrobe is inspired by her work clothes so I’m already making some headway there. Shame I can’t walk in heels though.

Favourite item: it’s a clothing item so I guess it counts, but Casey’s “Sex Crimes” softball jersey. (I think it’s a softball jersey?) It’s the cutest and I love the colors. I also lowkey want her tan briefcase/satchel from, like, S5/6. 

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: I own Seasons 1-12 on DVD but, other than that, depressingly no because I live outside of the US and the NBC store doesn’t ship to me. (The bastards.) I’d kill - like literally murder someone - for their official SVU hoodie. And there is a poster on Amazon I’m considering getting for my wall, although where on my wall I’ll put it I have no idea.

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: my favorite team is from Seasons 5-8: Novak, Benson, Stabler, Munch, Fin, Cragen, Warner and Huang. (Plus the others like O’Halloran, Judy and Morales.)

Most boring plotline: even though I love Kathy, generally anything involving Elliot’s marriage. Like dear lord there was so much drama there. I also wasn’t a fan of the Dani Beck episodes - I was pretty impartial to her as a character but for some reasons the episodes lacked a little more than usual.

Most laughably bad moment: no clue, sadly my memory isn’t doing well today.

Best flashback/flashfoward if any: I don’t typically remember anything before S5 or anything after S9 so if there weren’t any flashbacks in those seasons then I don’t have one and if there were then I don’t remember them lol. I’m terrible I know.

Most layered character: I am a biased piece of shit so obviously I’m going to say Casey! From what I’ve seen a lot of people tend to just paint her as one dimensional and arrogant, but there’s actually a lot more to her character and it’s dropped in through certain lines in certain episodes, and of course then there are episodes where you find out more about her - Influence and Blinded are key to getting the most out of her past. I love when they explore her conflicts with mental illness, and how she still feels guilt regarding what happened with her ex, Charlie. 

And then there are episodes like Gone where you get to see more of her emotional side and you realize how hard she tries and how personally she takes her cases etc. There are other things too, often dropped in little pieces of dialogue, but you get just enough about her to paint a picture but not so much that she becomes uninteresting if you know what I mean. I love her, personally, and think there’s so much more to her than just supposed arrogance etc.

Most one dimensional character: from what I’ve seen of current seasons, I’d say Benson and arguably Barba. 

Scariest moment: I don’t know about scariest, but the scene that always has me on the edge of my seat (or rather hunched over my laptop in bed) is when Casey gets attacked in Night; the same goes for the courtroom shooting in Raw. Creepiest scene? Definitely the one in Signature where they go to a serial killer’s torture chamber and it’s just very horrific. Well, not so much for me after the initial viewing because stuff like that honestly fascinates me, I won’t lie, but out of all the scenes I’ve scene it’s definitely one that stands out. There’s also a scene in Streetwise where Elliot shows autopsy photos to a suspect and one is of a little girl with her eyes gouged out and face slit from ear to ear. It’s a very horrifying frame if you pause it at the right moment.

Grossest moment: usually any time Warner (or someone else) does something involving blood/organs/whatever, because I’m a tad bit squeamish. One instance I can think of right now is in Serendipity when she extracts a tube from inside a man’s arm. Makes me shudder a little. 

Best looking male: honestly they all look the same to me. Probably O’Halloran? 

Best looking female: Casey Novak but S8 Olivia is very beautiful too.

Who you’re crushing on (if any): current cast? Nobody. From the show overall? Definitely Casey, though I’m pretty sure anyone reading this saw that coming.

Favourite cast moment: as in offscreen? Because there was this one time where Diane Neal did, like, a mini tour of the set and it was simultaneously the cutest and funniest thing I’ve seen. So probably that.

Favourite transportation: I lowkey love when everyone gets into their cars and all of the sirens go on and a car chase ensues. 

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): probably the end of Screwed because it’s all shot very beautifully. But I also like the overhead shot in Influence where Liv and Casey are on an upper floor in the courthouse looking down at the defendant and a gaggle of reporters.

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: usually I don’t pay enough attention to notice. One that I’ve seen others take issue with is when Casey reappeared in S12 and there was a debate about whether or not she was censured or disbarred and what was going on there, but it’s the only thing that springs to mind and it wasn’t like a big thing.

Best promo: there was one that got me back into SVU when I was a little younger, and I don’t remember what season the promo was for but I remember they played This is War by 30 Seconds to Mars in the promo because I spent weeks trying to find the song afterwards and watched the promo every time it came on the TV like it was a full episode.

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: last May when I rewatched it was when I properly fell in love with it again, at least enough to watch it multiple times, buy 12 of the DVDs and follow a bunch of blogs on Tumblr.

[vaxilfan]

Hell or High Water

(Art used with the kind permission of @queen-mabs-revenge)

This tale is a au/divergent retelling of the s5 underworld arc with a few key changes. Namely this is very much a Killian Jones centric tale. Jones brothers, Captain Swan and MiLiam (Milah/Liam) will form the emotional core of the story.

CoWritten by @gusenitsaa and @pirate-owl with lots of help in the Milah sections from @justmilah! Beta-ing and fun angsty seasoning provided by @icecubelotr44.

Ch 1  Also on ff.net and AO3

Chapter 2: Milah Comes to Underbrooke

Being in the Underworld, Milah recognized the lie for what it was: Bullshit fed to the living to soothe their own pain.  All her life she had been fed stories of how death was peaceful. Not that she would want any of the people still left who cared for her to know what it had been like to end up here, a man with hair of flame assuring her that yes, she was dead, and that she was going to be here for a very long time.

Questions about the fate of her crew, demands about what had happened to her captain, went unanswered save for a smug grin.  All her threats managed to achieve was that grin broadening into amusement. "You're...feisty. I'm going to enjoy watching that drain out of you."

Milah kept her head down after that, blending in as well as she could in a new environment while keeping her ears open. The first week was hard. Though she'd been given employment of sorts, shuttling children across a road, it didn't stop the knowledge that she was alone in a way she had never been before. Part of her expected to see Killian, or anyone from the crew, at any moment.  She wasn't sure which was worse. The devastating fear that he would show up or the crushing weight of loneliness when he didn’t.

It wasn't until she heard about the only tavern in this forsaken place that she formulated any sort of concrete plan. Which, to be honest, wasn't much of a plan to begin with. But having lived in a small port for most of her life, Milah knew that if anyone knew anything, it would be the bartender.

The door chime mocked her with a cheerful tinkle that felt out of place. The Rabbit Hole had one thing going for it in that it was perhaps the cleanest establishment she'd ever been in. She slipped into a stool at the bar and watched the man behind it with a shrewd eye. He had that same void in his expression many of the people she'd seen here had, that look of someone who had nothing left to hope for and had long ago accepted it. How he managed a smile for her as he took her order, false though it was, would remain a mystery for years to come.

For a moment she hesitated, wanting to order rum. But it brought a stinging to her eyes she was nowhere near ready to deal with. "Gin and tonic."

He slid a napkin in front of her as he made her drink. It wasn't until he placed the tall glass garnished with a wedge of lime before her that he spoke.

"You're new here." His voice was a practiced sort of warmth, not quite genuine yet not entirely uninviting.

Milah narrowed her eyes at him as she curled her fingers around the glass, not yet ready to take a sip of her drink. "How do you know I've just never been here before?"

His smile was thin. "You still have that look in your eyes."

She arched an eyebrow at him, "Oh really. What look is that?"

"Life." He picked up a glass from a tray of freshly washed dishes and started to dry it. "It will fade in time."

She closed her eyes so he wouldn't be able to see the roll of them. "Right, of course." Milah picked up her glass and took a sip, shuddering at the flavor that coated her tongue. She hid behind the revulsion of it as she continued. "I'm looking for someone. I figured if anyone would know, you would."

He shrugged, "If they've been here more than a few days, there is a good chance I've at least seen this person."

"Tall? Dark hair, blue eyes, enjoys leather more than I do?"

He thought for a moment before shaking his head, but she could see a moment where he stilled. "I can't say that your description sounds familiar."

Milah huffed. Right. "He has a faint scar, just here, at an angle, he could probably glare you out of everything you own and what he can't he would probably be able to just...okay, look, he just has these eyes where he can… And when he's hurt you just want to… but when he's angry--"  She had to take another long pull of the repulsive drink.  "I'm just...I'm just looking for him, alright?"

The bartender narrowed his eyes at her a little. "Who is this man that you're looking for so desperately?"

Milah's next sip was anything but small. "My captain."

He studied her for a moment. "You're not of any navy I'm familiar with."

She snorted, "Neither is he."

Liam leaned against the bar, closing in on her, invading her space just so. "And what is the name of your captain, sailor?"

Milah gave him a look. Refusing to let herself be pushed she leaned forward, pressing her hand against his chest, nudging him to back up just so. "Killian Jones."

She was quite certain she hadn’t pushed him that hard, but he stumbled back, the glass falling from his hand with a crash that quieted the bar for a moment. Dropping glasses must not be something he'd done often, judging from the look on his face. Gone was the void that was in all the faces around her. He looked almost...afraid. He bent down to sweep up the shards and Milah took the time to nearly drain the rest of her drink.

When he stood up again, his face was schooled into something like calm. "And why is it you're looking for him?"

Milah stared at him for a second. Seriously? "Why else would I be looking for him? I need to know if he's here!"

"But why? Who is he to you?" It infuriated her, the way he just so calmly picked up another glass to dry, almost seeming bored with the conversation, as though expecting her to pretend she hadn’t noticed his response to that name.

She lunged forward and grabbed his sweater, pulling him close. "Listen here, you smug jackass. I'm looking for him because as much as I want him here, I need him to very much not be here. And if you won’t give me a straight answer, I will pull you over this bar and rip your spine out through your throat, do you hear me?"

And then…then he did something that normally would have caused her to do just that if it weren't for the fact that his smile was strangely...happy? Hopeful, even.   She kept her grip on his sweater, though her expression softened from fury to suspicion. "You know him. How do you know him? Have you seen him?"

"I was his captain," he shrugged a shoulder, that small smile still on his lips, "but I haven't seen Killian down here. Not really.”

Milah blinked. There weren't many who Killian told her about who had held that title.  Which captain would smile at the possibility of Killian being down here? Her eyes widened and her fist flew forward, connecting squarely with his jaw. "You son of a bitch!"

"What the bloody hell was that for?" Liam tried to pull back to assess the damage to his face but Milah was stronger than most gave her credit for at first glance.

"There aren't many captains of his who would be pleased to think he might be dead. And I’ve been wanting to do that for a very long time."

"What are you--you insane, crazy woman, I'm not pleased about that!" Something about the way he stared at her like she really was insane and couldn't believe she'd just done that made her blink.

She saw it, then. The brothers didn't exactly look alike, but she'd known that from Killian's descriptions of the older Jones. But now that she really looked, she could see what similarities there were. Especially around the eyes.

Milah suddenly released the death grip on his sweater, though her hand stayed poised where it had been, fingers frozen in a released claw. "...Liam?"

The eldest Jones rubbed his jaw as he arched an eyebrow. "How'd you guess?"

She had punched Killian's brother. Of course, she had punched Killian's brother. "I told you. He's my captain."

Liam shrugged at that. "Many people go through many captains."

“I have only one captain,”  Milah insisted, clenching her jaw. "I've been with him for a decade." She leveled him with another look. "I held him together when you couldn't."

He looked at her for a long moment, still worrying his hand over his jaw even as his furrowed eyebrows relaxed. "What did you say your name was?"

This time she didn't hide the roll of her eyes. "Milah."

“You said a decade,” Liam asked,  “so… he was alive, when you died?”

Milah nodded and at the confirmation Liam sagged against the bar in relief.  

“You didn’t know?” she asked.  Liam shook his head but offered her no more. “Well before you get too excited, l… I don’t know if he is still.”

“What happened?”

“The Dark One murdered me,” Milah seethed, “right in front of Killian. And I don’t… I don’t know what’s become of him now.”  She felt a tear slip down her cheek and she swiped at it angrily. “And I miss him,  I miss him like I shouldn’t be able to when my heart is dust. But I do. And I want to see him again, and I hate myself for wishing to see him again when that would mean-”

“I understand,” Liam said quietly.  

She’d been about to spit out a sarcastic response when something made her bite her tongue and look up at him.  “You do, don’t you?”

Liam indicated her empty glass questioningly and she nodded.  “Anything but gin,” she grumbled, “or rum.  No rum.”

It was three drinks more before she finally looked up at him again.  He’d been watching her intently all night, she could feel it, but she knew what he wanted and she just couldn’t. Not yet.

“How are we going to find out?” she asked.

“If a newcomer knows his name, but you’re the first in ten years.  I feared he was already here, trapped somewhere beyond my reach.  Perhaps Hades simply wanted me to believe that.  He loves his games…”

“So we just… wait?”  Milah’s voice was all incredulous frustration and Liam almost laughed.  Ten years he’d waited for word of Killian,  and she’d been here all of a few days-  He shook his head, clearing the train of thought away.  

“There’s a phone booth,” he offered, “I’ve tried but I don’t know if he ever heard.” 

“A phone booth?”  

“They say it lets you speak to those above.  Nobody really knows if-  It’s probably wishful thinking for the desperate.”  

“You said you’ve tried?”  Liam looked away,  the subject clearly a sore one.   “It works,” she said carefully.  Liam looked up at her hopefully but something in her face was changed,  more carefully guarded than she had been a moment ago. “But that won’t help us find out if he’s here.”  

“I can show you if you like,  surely you’ve words left unsaid?” Liam asked.

Milah shook her head.  “He knew what I needed him to know.”  

“Milah-”

“I’m not using that damn phone booth-” she snapped and Liam froze.  She tried to cover her outburst with a half-hearted smile.  He didn’t look convinced but Milah just returned her gaze to her drink.  She had no intention of telling Liam how she knew that phone booth had worked. How Killian had sworn to her on some days he could hear his brother’s voice. How he had tried to chase that voice, right to the bottom of a bottle. She shook her head again. “I need to know where he is,” Milah said, "That doesn’t help me.”

He had that look in his eyes now, that one Killian got when he had too much time to think, too much time alone. She instinctively reached for his hand, wanting to soothe away the demons in his mind. Not Killian, her mind retorted and she clenched her fist and moved her hand to her lap.

“He’s a good captain, you know,” she said, finally glancing up at him again. “And a better man.  You should be proud of him.”  As she hoped the comment seemed to pull Liam out of his head and he smiled.

“I am,” he replied wistfully.  

“He talked about you a lot,” she continued and his smile fell. “Not like that-” she said quickly.  “Or … well yes.  He missed you terribly,  of course like that. But not just like that.  He cut his hair, you know.”

“About bloody time,  did you ever see the damn thing?” Liam replied with a small chuckle.    

“No, he’d cut it by the time I met him.” Milah smiled, “Said you threatened to cut it off while he was sleeping a few times.”  

“Threatened?” Liam retorted, “I tried. The lad sleeps light as a cat-  I stopped trying when he nearly turned the blade on me when he woke.  Very ornery when he’s woken with a blade in view.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” Milah insisted, “I’ve a hunch he could pull off anything-”

Liam rolled his eyes,  “No one could pull off that.”  

People were shooting Liam dirty looks from all down the bar, their drinks long empty, but he didn’t seem to notice.  He leaned across the bar towards her and this time she didn’t push him away.    

“You said he was no longer Royal Navy?” Liam asked.

“After what your king did to you?” Milah exclaimed in surprise. “You didn’t honestly think he could serve him? I suppose you don’t know about the Jolly do you?” Liam shook his head. “He kind of… took the Jewel of the Realm with him when he left the Royal Navy. I knew her as the Jolly Roger.”

Liam’s eyes widened a bit but all he said was, “Subtle.”  

“Killian isn’t subtle,” she grinned,  “and he made your king wish he’d never heard the name Liam Jones.”  

“And you’ve been with him,” Liam asked, insistently,  a hint of desperation in his voice.  “Nearly all this time since I-”  

“A lot of it.”  

“And you loved him?”

“I love him.”

Patrons were leaving,  shooting them both dirty looks but at the moment Liam probably wouldn’t have noticed if someone threw a chair across the room.  Killian was alive, or had been until a few days ago. He’d fallen in love, and she’d loved him too-  His smile suddenly fell.  And he’d lost her. She’d fallen right in front of him,  just as he had.  

Milah’s smile dropped too, and in a moment they both seemed to recall their surroundings. This wasn’t some port bar, she was here because she’d been murdered. And Killian was… where? Here somewhere,  finally within Hades grasp?  Still alive, but now grieving the loss of his love, too?

How much could one man be expected to take? Liam felt a sudden anger flare up at the unfairness of it all and had an abrupt urge to throw the glass across the room just to watch it shatter.  His eyes must have drifted to her glass because Milah looked down too and to his surprise, she picked it up and threw it.  It exploded in a shower of ice and shards against the wall and the last few patrons scurried from the bar.  

“That felt good,” she said, eying another glass further down the bar.  She reached for it but Liam grabbed her arm, holding her back.  

“Milah don’t, it won’t help. You’ll just cut yourself.”  

He’d been powerless to help Killian for so long now, forced to watch Hades’ torturous visions, never knowing if this were the one that were real. The familiarness of this;  being the counterpoint to someone else's temper, keeping someone else safe…    it filled a long vacant void and for just a moment his world steadied again.  

“I’ll clean it up,” Milah insisted and he shook his head.

“We all have our jobs down here, and yours will likely begin again earlier than mine.  Try to get some sleep.”   She rolled her eyes and he nodded. “I know, but try anyway.”  

In another life Milah doubted she would have been friends with Liam Jones. In fact, in another life, she had made a bet with herself that he very well would have hated her. But here, in this place, somehow 'making the best with what you had' turned out to actually be the best.  

It was monotonous down here.  The ironic employment, the worry over unfinished business. Aside from that, she found The Rabbit Hole was not that bad of a place to go. It was easier when the proprietor tolerated you, which he usually did her.  

It was, unusually, a quiet evening for Milah in the bar. No one suffered the wrath of her fists that evening, not even the former captain of an unlucky crew. Silver's time would come again, soon enough, because it had been just long enough for his face to forget the way her knuckles fit perfectly along the groove of his cheek. For now, though, this evening, she enjoyed the swill that dared to call itself rum in this forsaken place. Or rather, she enjoyed the company of the man who poured said swill.

He was cleaning glassware again tonight,  a pastime that Milah was nearly certain had become the habit of centuries more than an actual need for cleanliness.  He caught her watching him and raised his eyebrows.

“Don’t even think about it,” he warned, “it’s nearly closing time.”  

“I was thinking no such thing,” she retorted.

"Really?  It’s not starting to worry you that you’re going to lose this week?” he challenged.  

“I have two days left,” she retorted, “plenty of time. What’s my record again?”

“Five.”  

"I would have won the sixth but Gaston fights dirty,” she grumbled.  

“Aren’t pirates supposed to be able to fight dirty?” Liam feigned shock,  “Is Gaston better at fighting dirty than you?”

“I’ll have you know I can fight dirtier than most, but he bit my calf, Liam! My calf! There’s dirty and then there’s weird.”

Liam chuckled and began tidying the stack of napkins he kept behind the bar. Her wide, innocent eyes greeted him when he discovered a drawing of a mermaid dancing with a dolphin slipped into the stack. "Are there any more in here I should know about?" he asked with a small smile.  

Milah shrugged, eyes still innocent. "If there were, there would be four."

"Only four? Slow night."

"Or they're very detailed," she challenged. It had become a weird sort of tradition early on, her doodling on napkins and seeing how long it would take him to discover them all;  tucked into the stack or hidden next to the cash register or slipped under the door to his room in the back. Sometimes he caught them before he reached the place she had tucked them to in the stack. Other times she could feel when they caught him unaware. He had a rather weighty glare that she could feel even when she wasn't looking.

The doodles varied in subject matter, from mythical sea creatures to ships in a port to glittering landscapes of places neither had seen in centuries. She had even drawn a kraken once, its arms wrapped tightly around a ship that was not unlike the Jolly. Her eyes were just as wide and innocent when he’d discovered that one. He’s a lonely kraken, just wants a hug; the jest was on the tip of her tongue. After all, it had always made Killian laugh.

Liam hadn’t laughed. In fact, the way his face had paled in a way she had never seen before ensured she never drew one he could easily find again; no matter how attached to that particular mollusc she was. Without warning he had turned,  napkin still in hand and vanished into his room behind the bar, the door making a definitive click behind him. He had returned to the bar 15 minutes later,  still pale, but dodging her questions effortlessly, his face a mask of efficiency.  She hadn’t drawn on one of his napkins for months and to this day she kept a sketchbook specifically for that sea creature in her house, tucked somewhere safe where he would never accidentally stumble across it.

But that was centuries ago now, and today he was in a good mood. She could tell because he put down the cleaning rag an entire three minutes before closing time and poured himself a drink, toasting his congratulations to her for another day without getting banned from his establishment.  

She rolled her eyes at his toast but drank to it anyway. “It was a sad, sad year when I lost the bet that I would get banned from the bar fifty times in fifty-two weeks. I only made it to forty-seven, I think, but at least I can say I tried. You sure you didn’t cheat?”

“Of course I didn’t cheat,” Liam retorted indignantly.  “I’m not the pirate here. If anything I let you back in sooner than I should have in order to give you the chance to get kicked out again the next week. You ran out of people willing to fight you, which is not my fault.”

“What can I say? My captain was a good teacher. Piracy has been successfully ingrained. But I only cheat at cards, dice, and any form of gambling–”  she ticked them off on her fingers are she went then shrugged.  “Okay, yes, I can see the implication here, but our long-term bet box is sacred.  Are you certain you didn’t let me back in because you missed me?” She leaned over the bar and grinned at him. “Admit it, Jones. Some days you adore me.”

He made a half decent attempt at hiding his smile, really, but in the end he just laughed and threw the rag he’d been using to dry glassware at her.  “Other days you are quite insufferable,” he retorted, “but yes, you certainly liven up eternity.”

“And you, Liam, make the insufferable actually sufferable.”

The bar didn’t actually open for another half an hour or so when Milah picked the lock on the door and burst in without bothering to knock.   She’d always told him that he should invest in a decent lock, but had never actually broken into the bar before.  But today was different. Today was special.  

“Have you heard anything?"  The words spilled out before the door had even closed behind her.  

“Good afternoon to you, too, Milah,” Liam replied evenly.

“Don’t you good-afternoon me, Jones. Have you heard anything?” He didn’t even have to respond before she collapsed, dejected onto a bar stool. “Never mind,  you’re not grinning or wiggling about like an overly excited golden retriever puppy,” she accused.

“My apologies?”

“I don’t even know if I should be happy or sad about it.  Is it 'bad form' to be excited about the idea of him coming here? Pretty sure it is, even if it has been three-hundred years.”

Liam froze and put down the glass he’d been cleaning abruptly, the sound of it hitting the bar a little too hard the only betrayal of his collected demeanor.  

Well, that was ten bucks she’d lost for the bet that when they finally heard news of Killian’s arrival he’d break another glass. She’d always planned on springing it on him abruptly to win that bet, but in her mind Killian had always walked into the bar right after her.  

“Where did you hear this?” he asked.   

“Around, everywhere, nowhere, you know how these things are.  But if he were here he would have come looking for you. Unless something’s happened.  Do you think...?  Do you think he’s okay?  I would suggest perhaps he’s gotten lost but for one, you work in the only bar in town and for another, I am half convinced that man could navigate the stars at noon.”

“You are right about Killian’s navigation skills,” Liam interrupted, setting a glass in front of her filled with something that claimed to be rum but absolutely wasn’t.  She paused to breathe, clenching her fingers around the glass. “I trained him some when he was a boy, but he quickly surpassed my skill.”

“You are calm about this. How are you so calm about this? Liam, I may have to break our accord. If something untoward has happened to your brother down here, faces will need to be broken. And possibly Killian’s legs if he is wounded and refuses to take time to heal properly.”

“If something has happened to Killian and you seek to aid him, you will not be in that fight alone. Sometimes you forget; I was not a pirate but I am his brother and his captain. If any harm has befallen him, you and I would be of one accord.”

Milah paused in her tirade, her smile soft but full of affection.. "Liam. sometimes you forget. That you love him so much is one of the many reasons why I...come here so often."  She clenched the glass harder,  not drinking but glad of something to occupy her hands.  “He’s fine.  Right, Liam?” she asked,  glancing up nervously.  

“I’m quite convinced that Killian is actually too stubborn to ever die,” Liam replied with a tight-lipped smile. “They’re just rumors. Killian is fine.”