#but i kinda dropped because it was boring. also because i dont like to wait for updates blablabla

[killrjoys]

finished reading btd lmaoooooooooooooooooooooo

[golden-boy-of-the-gazette]

Um um um some Danny Johnson drabble. Head canons? Idk. this is my first time writing please dont hurt me. I'm ashamed that it's a stupid coffee shop thing but yk. These are Gender Neutral btw!! Mildly suggestive? Not really?

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So first off his coffee order is either super simple or super extravagant, no inbetween. Hes pretentious about it either way. You order something simple? God that's boring. Order something super complicated? Can you just fucking hurry up? And that's IF he goes to a proper coffee shop, I imagine this prick goes to a gas station if he's just ordering for himself.

With that said though, he wouldnt drink just straight black coffee. It would at least have cream and sugar, when hes feeling particularly fancy he would put in like... I dont know, hazelnut flavoured creamer? And that would be as special as it gets.

If you worked at the coffee shop he visits and he was into you he would either try and make your job easier or more difficult to make sure he can spend as much time with you as he can. He's a selfish bitch though so expect the latter rather than the former.

You dont like him? Spit in his coffee? He will try desperately to act like he didnt notice and drink it normally in the shop, trying not to seem like a freak. His eyebrows furrowed and biting his lip a bit as he contemplates whether he should even drink it in the store but as soon as he leaves and he is in his car he is all over that cup. Drinking it like hes never had a drop to drink in his life, licking and biting the rim of the cup as if it were your bottom lip like the fucking freak he is.

Someone is taking too long in line? Hes contemplating their murder while he waits but he wouldnt necessarily act on those thoughts. Just something to feed the brain while he's forced to sit still. The person in front of him typically never sparks any inspiration for his design anyway.

He will end up becoming a regular. If he were to order strictly simple orders like coffee with just sugar and creamer for months he would eventually order longer orders, just to sit and be around you for longer. If you comment on it with something like "Wow, Jed. I didnt take you for a frozen peppermint mocha coffee kinda guy." He would say something along the lines of "Just trying to branch out a little." Giving an almost dry laugh, edging on being genuine just because it's you he's being fake to. He doesnt drink that sugar coffee by the way. Just. Pours it out. At some point he did try it but he didn't like how sugary it was.

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Um that's all I have for now. I know it's super unorganized and the punctuation and grammar probably isnt the best but I'll work on that. I'll also work on my aesthetic I guess? Idk.

[bleue-flora]

The kids all getting scattered when they arrived into the dsmp so C!Dream is rushing to collect them all and bring them to the arctic by following the pings of unknown player around the world

(P!Dream loves going to get the kids. C!Dream runs so so so fast he feels like he's flying when he carries him on his back and then they have a cool super hero moment when they find whoever they were hunting for :D)

He gets most of them but since the kids spawned neat their counterparts the rest of the server arranges a quick emergency meeting at the community house to figure out wtf and also where the rest of the kids they didn't find are

(C!Dream goes and takes only P!Dream because he refuses to stay behind but also makes a very good point that the other kids will trust C!Dream a lot more if he's with him. P!Punz and P!Philza are left in change, much to the offense of C!Philza)

Anyway. C!Dream just standing ominously in the corner of the room with P!Dream hidden under his cape and all the kids do the typical "Ooohhhh! Ominous figure!! Cool!!!" And immediately want to talk to him, specially since he looks like P!Dream (extra happy surprise when P!Dream does peek out of the cape) and C!Dream seems to be the only adult who is not weirdly tense (conceal, dont feel, don't let them know /ref)

C!Tommy's great visible offense that little him think C!Dream is cooler

Also I think you got me sick but it mutated in my head and I gave it back to you

Idk waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *is sent flying like team rocket*

So like while c!Techno, c!Phil, p!Phil (16), p!Wilbur (13) and the other 13 and older kids (not fully decided on who) work on healing c!Dream while p!Dream keeps are eye on everyone else in c!Philza's house in the meantime. p!Tommy, p!Quackity, and p!Sapnap get bored playing hide and seek in the old man's house and start suggesting they go out and explore. They are so excited about the snow and what the Big Innit Hotel, Kinoko kingdom and Las Nevadas look like. p!Dream says no and that it's a bad idea, with p!Sam listing out all the things that could go wrong and dangers. They seem to drop it but in the next round instead of hiding they sneak out while p!Dream is counting, bringing p!Karl and p!Tubbo with them and p!Ranboo joins last minute too, not wanting to be left out, pulling p!Techno along too. After p!Dream has officially searched everywhere (the kids do not have a way to see the achievements going off), he determines that they must have run off anyways. On one hand he wants to go after them, p!Sam even offers to watch them, but on the other he needs to watch the kids who stayed, who beg him to stay because they are scared (mostly the little ones). Some of them feel annoyed that the others are having all the fun and sneak out when p!Dream isn't looking.

Scared to disturb, anger or annoy the adults while they are upset and doing secret things or whatever, p!Dream doesn't inform them that he lost half of the kids. He just tries to keep everyone left safe and entertained, resigned to the fact that when the adults do find out, he's in for it. p!Punz and p!Sam try to convince p!Dream that he won't be alone and they'll be his shield if then need to, p!Dream smiles but insists that it's his fault and makes them pinky promise to hide and keep the others safe.

When the adults finally let them back in the cabin to meet c!Dream and they find out about the missing kids, c!Dream is immediately outraged - "Wait, What?! You left a bunch of kids alone in the cabin with no one watching them?! What the hell is wrong with you?!" - but to p!Dream's utmost surprise it's not directed at him but at c!Techno and c!Phil, who clench their jaws and swallow their excuse of - 'you were kinda bleeding out, it was all hands on deck. We didn't have time to find a proper babysitter. Sorry for saving your life I guess...'

After getting filled in on the kiddo situation, c!Dream imediately gears up to go after the kids, to c!Phil and c!Techno's dismay, who highlight that c!Dream is enemy number one and everyone is currently trying to kill him. p!Sam points out that everyone trusts p!Dream so he should be the one to go, to which the adults are like well not on your own. p!Dream, a little scared of p!Techno and p!Phil, insists that he'll only go with c!Dream. c!Dream smirks at the kid in approval and tells c!Techno and c!Phil to call a meeting at the community house to inform the others on the kids situation, (especially since as they pointed out, no one's gonna listen to c!Dream they'll just show up to kill him) specifically the missing kids. (c!Dream's not saying the members are gonna stab the kids running around but.... he also wouldn't put it past them. Better safe than sorry and maybe some of them already know where the kids are).

Things follow as you said - p!Dream has his superhero moment, and they find a fair amount of kids before the meeting. p!Punz at first insists on going with the Dreams to search but p!Dream insists he needs someone he trusts to watch over everyone while he's gone, so he stays with p!Phil to watch over them, while everyone is gone p!Wilbur of course starts a snowball fight and all the kids safe in the artic break out into a cold and snowy war. p!Sam makes all that come inside after hot chocolate to warm them up. :)

The found kids end up brought to the meeting for safe keeping when everyone requests c!Dream show up to give them answers instead of getting everyone back to the cabin. The kids brought by some of the other members who found them wandering around love ominous c!Dream standing in the corner with his side kick under his cape lol. ;) Members like c!Puffy are kinda hurt that the kids don't gravitate towards her. c!Tommy brings in little p!Tubbo he found lost on the prime path somehow separated from the others, and upon seeing c!Dream in the room, he tries to insist that p!Tubbo stand behind him and that he'll protect him, but to c!Tommy's utter horror and offense, immediately p!Tubbo runs and hugs c!Dream, using the cape to dry his tears...

[callsign-relic]

:0 my thoughts on beast wars characters so far... it IS a bit early but its a fun question!! it'll be fun to see how things change over time :3c

lemme see...

so far im particularly fond of Tarantulas actually ahfjfbfkebebfkf LOVE me a little freak!!!!! i wanna study him under a microscope. he eats people for fun and apparently made changes to his anatomy to allow for this at some point?? was it before or after he was reformatted into a spider. who knows. he stalks around being a creepy weirdo half the time, whats not to love.

i think Rattrap and Dinobot are FASCINATING character-wise already. im bappin my hands on the screen as i eagerly await for more info about both of them. they both seem to have their own interests in mind a lot of the time, and i think its so interesting watching Rattrap have Absolutely Zero Faith in Optimus but also being pretty loyal towards the others (moreso with his actions instead of words :P!)

i particularly enjoyed Dinobots DOUBLE BETRAYAL because it made the betrayal/self interest into a Character Trait. he's got honor but he's also very into killing and lying... he's got honor but really specifically when it comes to duels to the death (because otherwise it's not a REAL win, i suppose...)

i like Cheetor in the way of "i wanna pet him on his cute kitty head because he's a sweetheart" which i feel is just. to be expected with the type of character he is lmao. OP and Megatron are. pretty standard fare so far in terms of character, except Megatron gets REALLY excited about some things and i think thats delightful ahjfbfsj

i think i like Scorponok the least (which is to say i still like him but id just rank everyone else above him ebfndbdmd) but i haven't really seen too much of him yet so shrug. it was mentioned that Scorponok is the SIC and i was just. so baffled ahfjfbdk like HUH WHAT. HIM? HIM??????? i mean idk who else would be second but... HIM? i just saw this idiot slowly SLOWLY drag a cannon with his claws then get abandoned by his teammate. WDYM HES SECOND IN COMMAND.

i dont think ive seen enough of the others to have strong opinions about them yet... but also i enjoy whatevers going on whenever Terrorsaur is onscreen whfjfhsj he's strangely upbeat/casual a lot of the time. also his pterodactyl screech when he goes "Terrorsaur, terroriiEeoRize!!!" is VERY funny to me. all the VAs sure can Sounds.

also oh my god. im terrible at voice recognition hfjfbdjs i was like "huh... beast wars OP's voice sounds familiar for some reason. surely its nothing" LMAO.

(also, apologies for the late(ish) reply! 😔)

- initiate

EEEHHEHE I’m happy to know your thoughts so far!!!

Omg if you like Tarantulas now I can’t wait to see what you think of him later. I don’t want to say anything but 👀

Rattrap showing his loyalty through his actions rather than his words is something I never really thought about but now that you point it out it’s absolutely true!!! He likes to complain (“we’re all gonna die…”) but always does his job. His dynamic with Dinobot is great too HAHA

I agree with you there about Scorponok, all the way to the end of the series he is still my least favorite as well. He’s just. Lame. imo 😭😭 he doesn’t have a Thing like the rest of the characters have, he feels boring to me, I don’t really like him 😔 Megatron saw Dinobot leave and he was like “well my last SIC is gone. Uhhh Scorponok now you’re SIC” and did not think about his decision afterwards HAGAHSHD

And Terrorsaur my terrible son… give this bitch a cough drop. I surprisingly really liked him as well even though he doesn’t have much to his character tbh HAHAH. I really love his voice HAGSHEHE. Honestly you could say that for the whole cast, the voices Sure Do Sound 👍👍👍 (in the best way possible HAHA)

(Also no worries at all!!! I saw you had kinda a bad day earlier, so it’s totally understandable, I hope you’re feeling better :( ❤️)

[minecraft-bee-go-buzzzz]

why consume and/or actually make content when you can just make sillly aus in your head mmmm?

(this gets REALLY long-)

anyway life series au idea with the winners not dying!

Not that they dont try. Grain still jumps off Monopoly Mountain believing that it’d end the game. Scott still suddenly falls to the ground clutching his chest. Pearl still gets blown away thanks to the explosion. Martyn still runs out of time.

But they dont die.

Grian falling backwards, landing on his wings, knocking himself out. hours later waking up with broken wings in so much pain and theres... a bit of blood. Not knowing what to do now he’s somehow lived he stays in whats left of the base. And one day, the border falls. Theres nothing left here for him, so he leaves.

Scott wakes up somewhere he does not recongise. He remembers passing out, ya know, outside. after killing people. And he thought he died- Now he’s in some house, a building style he doesn’t recognise. Somewhere that actually looks like they tried when building. And then a man he swore he recongised came upstairs, in some odd clothes, offering food and water and a place to stay.

Pearl met a brutal should be end. I mean yeah she died because Scott did, felt the pain scott did. but she also was right next to the explosion, and it hit her. felt his and her own pain, died from him both because he died and exploded her. So it was fair to say the last thing ever expected was to wake up to see him worrying over her half destroyed body.

Oh Martyn. Killing his ally and hunting Impulse down. The clock still ticks. Just so, so much louder. There’s no one else around, nothing going on. all that he hears is the wind in his ears and the ticking in his head. He doesn’t really leave where he killed them. Just waits. They aren’t getting some dramatic send off. They can wait around as long as they like ‘till he drops once his hard earned time is spent. Though once it’s gone, once he runs out of time... why doesnt he die? And why can he hear familiar voices in the distance?

Now im unsure how i want the winners living but still being in the games to work. I have 2 ideas but I this current one I vibe with more-

Current idea: the watchers created these doubles to play in the winner’s place, to keep around the same amount of players and to keep some fun dynamics. Once you win the double will continue to play in your place for the rest of the games.

The winners continue to live outside the games and once enough of them build a small community. they only remember the game they won, and are all very conflicted on how they feel about each other.

everyone else who didn’t win is doomed to play over and over again trapped in the watcher’s game never remembering the one before.

Also, the winners stay ‘red’. how much the red affects them depends on the person.

(idea i have atm is, funny enough, the order the games happen. Grian is the least affected, then scott, then pearl and Martyn the most)

How all the winners find each other?

So taking the Grian is a watcher idea and fucking sprinting with it-

Grian after spending a few days alone in the desert, the watchers have moved on. they are somewhere else feasting, no longer there to bother grian (he wasn’t doing anything anymore. just moping. so boring-) but also no longer there to hold him back.

so after those days he kinda comes back to his watcher powers, or well some of them. And why keep himself locked up in a border when he can just get rid of it and run away from his problems (dead friends, destroyed home-)

And the first time he comes across another game is an accident. He finds the border and having not set it up himself (he doesn’t know if he could. never had a reason to try) And stays around the area, sets up a tent and waits for the border to fall.

Once it does. he searches. The watchers dont know, they’ve left. nothing to stay for, time for a feast. But grian looks, finds ruins that remind him of home and it hurts. But he finds someone. someone that, yeah. yeah he knows him. Scott. but it’s not Scott. Not the Scott he knew atleast.

That Scott was sooner caught dead than missing his ring.

But, it’s still a survivor. A winner. And if the blood stained ground is to go by, he went down swinging.

but he’s not dead. he’s alive. he’s unconscious, but breathing.

And Grian’s already lost everyone. this is the first person he’s seen in months. call him selfish, but he doesn’t want to be alone again. so he decides to help this new Scott. Also, maybe he could learn what happened. Get a bit of an understanding on what these sick games really are.

He carries Scott to his home he’s built. Took a while, such long distances still sucked without flight, but the wait for him to wake up was even worse. The chance he wouldn’t? horrible. so Grian ignored it-

But Scott did wake up, and paniced he was to see Grian alive and well, even if his choice of outfit was off. The idea of some form of revenge for Scott being the one to win instead of him was the first thing to cross his mind. like, it’s still Grian. and Grian’s still red.

But he just asks questions, and provides food, and gives answers when Scott asks things himself. Neither seem to be a threat to each other, as there is no benefit in killing the only other person who seems to understand any of this mess. Plus, gaining the knowledge there were two Grian’s, and this one was not the one he personally knew, well, he had no reason to trust him but also none to not.

So Scott stays around. Builds his own house near by Grian’s after the first few weeks. And whenever one explores they make sure to keep an eye out for a border, and ready to alert the other should they find one.

And give it some time, find another they shall.

Double life had ended a bit ago at that point. Scott found the border when he over heard familiar voices near by it. He waited around for Grain to show up and by the time he did the game was over, and with ease he took the border down (yet again no other watchers there to stop him, to busy eating to care)

I doesnt take long to find Pearl but both are quite upset at the sight. Clearly not as somewhat peaceful they had been given. half her face blown to bits and an arm that looks like it wont work the way it use too even with serious help.

While Scott checks her over and Grain looks are their cords to figure how far they are from their little set up, she wakes up instantly panicked. Panicked but also in to much pain to acutally fight back.

And, like, Pearl had been torturing her soulmate for weeks by that point. She’d recognise him. And while the man looking at her certaintly LOOKED like Scott, it was NOT her Scott. It was not the soulmate that left her behind.

Her soulmate wouldn’t look so worried over her state considering he caused it.

Pearl doesn’t take the whole winners live on thing as well as the first too did. not that they took it well, but they kinda just accepted it mostly silently and got on with it. Pearl yells, she cries. That it was all for nothing.

That they could’ve seriously just lived and got along.

Did no one have to die?

Doesn’t help she’s in absolute agony. where her body is actually hurt is completely messed up, but the rest in pain from feeling like she blew up.

They stay around the double life set up untill they deem pearl stable enough both mentally and phyiscally to go back to what they’ve made home.

She’s fairly open about what happened in her game. atleast compered to Grian and Scott, which had both hardly talked about their personal teams or teams that involved the other from their games.

She told them about how she went with Martyn to the nether which was why Scott and Cleo left them to go be soulmates together instead, how she had tilly, and then Martyn killed her. How all the other players thought she was mad.

All she wanted was her dog and a friend.

She bonds pretty well with both Scott and Grian, Scott talking about his pearl and how they were allies, and that clearly this fake scott was a coward, and Grian makes a few jokes about pizza and what they went through for that llama.

Once she’s better they head back to their little safe place. Fairly early on Pearl decides to build another tower, a smaller tower, but she still has her tower. She even gets some new dogs! She was scared to at first. But this wasn’t a death game anymore, Scott and Grian gained nothing from killing her animals. it was safe to have them.

Now, after three times, chances are it’s happening again. They dont exactly look forward to it, but when pearl gives the heads up her dogs found another border and sends her cords over the other two are there within a day or two.

This time it takes a while for the game to end. They dont see much, dont get the notices on their communicators, dont really have a clue whats going on until Grian manages to get rid of the border. Execpt this time the Watchers left alot quicker, almost instantly.

Seems they were already bored.

The three spread out hoping to find the Winner quicker this way, each person having one of pearl’s dogs go with them for safety.

And when Scott found Martyn sat there with blood on his hands, staring at them in utter disbelief he wasn’t expecting to be attacked on sight by the man once noticed.

Something about “you ran out of time, how are you back we ran out of time we shouldn’t be here-”

Seems there was yet again a fun gimmick for the new game.

As Scott’s trying to tell Martyn to chill and keep him from killing Pearl’s dog, the other two both appear having met up running towards the yelling. Now, these people are mostly decked out in enchanted diamond gear, and they have dogs! Martyn’s not stupid. He wont win. he puts his sword away and hands in the air for surrender.

Now, if they thought Pearl took the winner’s living thing bad, boy did Martyn just snap.

Because every single other person in his game had died. They didn’t technically run out of time. two fell to their deaths, the others were murdered. So, for all Martyn knew, he just betrayed his closest ally for a win that ment nothing.

Because for all he knew, they could’ve all lived.

Martyn wasnt too willing to just go with these strangers. yeah, they may look like the people he knew. They might technically be the original versions of them- but what have they done to earn his trust! Show up and threaten him- well he did attack scott first bUT! His dead teammate he just killed showed up again when he should’ve been perma dead! it was a fair reaction.

So they had to spend a little time convincing him, no problem. And once the mention of watchers came up and the borders, grian’s ‘ability’ to take them down, suddenly the fourth winner was all for hanging around with them. (also very much hinting to grian he knew a watcher’s eyes when he saw them- even if scott and pearl didn’t seemed to know for sure yet)

Martyn does still come back with them and set up his own little hut next to a pond he decorated (tropical fish, pufferfish, coral and kelp). it’s further away than the others are but their all okay with that. His red tendencies can still get a little out of hand sometimes, best to keep a little distance when that happens.

This au either continues sad as shit with these lot slowly talking about things that happened and coming to terms about how they didn’t know what would happen at the end, maybe they could’ve all happly lived but thats not what happened and maybe they cant forget everything and everyone but its about time to move on.

OR

silly fun times where the winners all fuck around and have fun. ignore the trauma, enjoy life. have the friends you were never aloud to keep before. Build the amazing house you always wanted, having all the dogs you could ever need. Your alive! Live a little! Enjoy it! until the next border’s found

Or maybe a mix of both-

[halfusek]

Imma be honest with you, before BATDR came out, you literally held this fandom together with bandaids and stick glue. 2019-2022 was basically the dry age of Bendy content

haha thanks i tried my best

i Do enjoy being in a fandom, i've always looked up to the danny phantom phandom a lot cause the vibes there are just fantastic, there's a lot of things going on, people have many interactions with each other, so i wanted to try to introduce that to the batim fandom and i'd like to think that i sorta did

i know that it is a popular opinion to not engage with a large portion of the fandom but instead just grab a few friends and sit in a corner with them but like

engaging with a bigger portion of the fandom every now and then can be SO fun and give people an opportunity to meet other people and idk

fandoms are communities of people just united by liking A Thing so it can be challenging to make a space for many people to get along but i dont recall any super serious only fandom related dramas in batim?? weirdos are in every fandom and you just blast their asses into oblivion with a block button

and there have been cases when i felt kinda bad for blocking someone because that meant i'd exclude them from something i wanted to think of as a fandom-wide event for everyone who would obey it's rules but that's where this outlook on curating your experience into a smaller circle is very much the way to go lol

wait what am i talking about

aha yea 2019-2022 everything fucking DIED here but i was having a blast drawing my comic and also a lot of people who were into the sides of batim i was into mainly (the human characters) stayed around more than everyone else and it was really chill, i've met a lot of people and made many friendships :)

as the fandom was getting smaller there was a noticable drop in the amount of notes batim related posts were getting which is a very big symptom of a fandom dying but i think at some point it sorta stabilized who stayed there after batdr was delayed and delayed

i reblog and tag more than an usual tumblr user (when im active cuz sometimes i can not reblog anything for months because im busy lol) and that didnt start without a reason, it sure is a habit now and i really enjoy doing it, letting people know what i think about their stuff and putting nice things on display for others to see

reblogs are not just crucial for singular artists but also for fandoms as a whole, thats how you keep that train rollin

though here is a sad thing that many many artists dont reblog a lot, or reblog to their sideblogs that arent followed by nearly as many people as their main blogs

and thats like understandable, im the weirdo who puts a whole mess of many posts on my main but i think thats also the most effective way to help other people get traction and i never see this mentioned when people complain that tumblr users dont reblog as much stuff as they like

its even kinda funny to me when people complain about their stuff not getting reblogged when they dont reblog others stuff themselves at all xD though there is a bit of cyanide in that thought heheh

on the other hand reblogging doesnt work on stuff that i could see from other people: the stuff i reblog i get from browsing the bendy and the ink machine tag sorted by new + sometimes when i bored i scroll through my dash and reblog some random things but i follow 2k people so i dont really see any individuals art specifically, just a collection of random posts that i am able to scroll through in a few minutes (and every minute theres a bunch of new posts posted/reblogged by those i follow)

and that can take a long time! if ive been busy for months then scrolling through a few months worth of stuff people around the world made for bendy is so bad even on a beefy computer that it just pushes tumblr to its limits and takes HOURS to reblog and tag for me, and then i might even hit the daily post limit and have to continue tomorrow

but i enjoy doing this, bendy is my fixation after all and i fucking love art and what people can create for this thing that i like i soooooo desire to see it all

and i try to reblog as much as possible, though i dont obviously reblog *everything* from the tag, sometimes i just give a like or i just dont like the thing cuz its not in my liking and thats it

but i did make it a thing that during ink demonth i reblog all entries for the event no matter what my opinion of them is just to give some of that Exposure TM because hey maybe some of my followers Will like it

i dont run a super duper popular blog but there is a bunch of yall there and i think me reblogging something in this fandom at least may give a litol boost to the notes on a post

and its always fun to see peoples reactions that dont expect me to reblog from them but then i do and they freak out a little, i think i love it on the same level as getting comments on my own art :) its super wholesome

man by writing this post im procrastinating on something but fdnjkfdfd

but anyway thank you!! and im glad you think so because i did try to accomplish that :D

[artificialqueens]

🏳️‍🌈 The Miracle of Living Pt.2 - Lita

In this world we're just beginning To understand the miracle of living

Lmao I had you in the first half, this is not just a cutesy slice of life family AU and actually gets fucking awful and tragic from here on out, you have been warned. This was originally meant to be a single story but I decided to chunk it into two halves just so it's not unreadably long, which means ALL the suffering gets to be consigned into whatever this is. Anyway, see other part for author notes and shit, apologies in advance xo

Summary: Adore is an adult now, and life is simpler for Bianca. Until an unexpected tragedy shatters her world, and her relationship with her daughter. 

TW: Major character deaths, parental loss, accidental overdose, suicidal thoughts

[1] NEW MESSAGE Ben Putnam ✨🏳️‍🌈 12/9/46 19:08  jinkx is about to call you freaking tf out - don’t listen to them, im basically fine. got into an accident driving home, i look kinda banged up and i think my shoulders dislocated but nothing serious. pls call adore and tell her - if she says shes gonna ditch her concert or anything like that dont let her, she doesnt need to worry. if ur not busy and feel like coming to see me id like that (and i think jinkx could use some moral support lol, theyre taking this harder than i am) but don’t let j convince u that im on my deathbed. love ya, bitch! b xoxo

*****

November 12th, 2046

“Bea…”

Jinkx stands up as Bianca enters the waiting room. Their voice is cloying - too sickly. Too sympathetic.  

Of all of Ben’s various partners since the divorce, Jinkx was definitely Bianca’s favorite. Bianca had been Ben’s maid of honor (or ‘cunt of dishonor’ as he’d affectionately christened her) at their wedding last spring. Jinkx is kind, sensitive - their eccentricities line up perfectly with Ben’s, they’re a good step-parent to Adore, as resistant as she’d been to having a step-parent. However, Jinkx under pressure is prone to amateur dramatics - Ben’s text prediction regarding the nature of their impending phone call had been totally spot-on. 

So Bianca is surprised to see that they look drained - not sad. Not scared. Just tired - their shock of red hair disheveled, eyes puffy and face moist with half-dried tears. Bianca grips the strap of her purse a little tighter. She hadn’t expected this. They had been all catastrophe and hysterics on the phone - sobbing like their life depended on it. Why are they so calm? 

Per Ben’s instructions, Bianca hadn’t dropped everything to go to him. She’d been working late, supervising a bunch of bored, annoyed teenagers doing stocktake - she hadn’t exactly bided her time, heading straight for the hospital as soon as she’d clocked out, but she also hadn’t exactly rushed. 

Two lanes of the freeway were closed because of a car wreck. She figured it wouldn’t be the same one - it couldn’t have been that bad if Ben was awake, coherent, and texting her. As the backed-up traffic crawled past the remains of the scene at five miles an hour, she’d tried not to look. She knew she shouldn’t have looked. But she looked anyway - she’d caught sight of the remnants of Ben’s car at the front of a pile-up, crushed from behind by a smoldering pickup truck, and felt the sting of vomit rising up at the back of her throat. The driver’s side door looked intact. That was something. Ben was fine. Ben had told her himself that he was fine. So Ben was fucking fine. 

On the drive to the ER, Bianca called Adore - anxiety twisting below her ribcage, visions of shattering glass and crumpling metal scorching into her eyelids every time she blinked, desperate for a distraction. The phone had been picked up by her weirdo manager, Winona or Wilma or whatever her name was, who’d decided that a call from her mom, regardless of the matter at hand, wasn’t important enough to bother Adore with before a gig, and had hung up. 

And now she’s been taken into a side room that feels like a fucking morgue, and Jinkx is acting so calm and kind that it’s nauseating. This feels weird. There’s a bible on the table in the middle of the room. What the fuck is happening? 

Jinkx reaches out, and pulls Bianca into an oppressively tight hug. Bianca squirms, determined to extricate herself from the stifling embrace and start asking questions. She’s never known Jinkx to act anything but weird, but this was bizarre even by their standards. When they break away, Jinkx takes Bianca’s hand. It sets her teeth on edge. 

“Jinkx, what’s going on?” Bianca’s voice comes out sterner than she would have liked. 

“Did you call Adore?”

What kind of fucking response is that?

“I tried. Her manager picked up - she’s at a gig, I’ll talk to her tomorrow.” 

“I really think you should try and talk to her now.” 

Bianca really doesn’t like Jinkx’s tone. She also doesn’t know what to do with herself. She figured she was here as emotional support for Jinkx, who seems fine if a bit off-kilter and cryptic - or as a proxy for Adore, who was performing and/or wasted in Austin, enjoying the sudden and somewhat random success of her previously struggling music career. 

“Jinkx, where’s Ben? What happened?”

Jinkx grimaces. They try to convince her to sit down - urging her towards a ugly upholstered chair with their lips pursed. Bianca doesn’t move. 

“Jinkx.” Bianca repeats herself more insistently, folding her arms. Jinkx sits down, clenching their jaw and breathing shakily. “Where the fuck is Ben? I need to see him." 

“…he died, Bea.”

Bianca’s blood turns to ice in her veins. She takes a sharp breath in. 

“What do you mean he died?” Bianca’s voice is thin. Jinkx doesn’t say anything. “He texted me - he was fine like, an hour ago.” Jinkx stays silent. Bianca feels like she’s going to throw up. Why won’t they say anything?  “He’s- Jinkx, what do you mean he fucking died?”

“They thought he was fine,” Jinkx sniffs. “There were other people from the wreck who were hurt worse than he was - he kept saying he was okay so the doctors would focus on them, and then he coded out of nowhere. I think they said he was bleeding in his abdomen or something - nobody realized until it was too late. He was sitting up and talking to me, then he…” Jinkx stops, swallowing hard. Their eyes have welled up. 

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have tried to get here faster.” Bianca’s knees are shaking. She can’t move - can’t admit to the failure of her emotions. Frightening and all-consuming as they are. She’s still wearing her work lanyard, and it feels utterly stupid. Why hadn’t she just fucking left? Why had locking up a goddamn store she could burn to the ground without losing sleep been more important than this? Than Ben? 

“I didn’t know how to.” Jinkx won't make eye contact with her. “I couldn’t tell you over the phone - it didn’t feel right.” 

Bianca sits down before she collapses. Her hands are shaking. Her throat hurts like she needs to cry, but there are no tears. She isn’t crying, and she won’t - not until it’s essential. 

“But you were- you shouldn’t have waited all this time on your own. I would have been here sooner.” Bianca is barely able to talk. “I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t even know what she’s talking for - trying to fill the awful, empty air with some sort of noise, even if it is wilted platitudes. She’s horribly aware of her own breathing; how hard it is, how much effort it’s taking, how it feels like she’s choking. It’s like she’s drowning in the air and the silence - like a goldfish dropped out of the bowl. 

Jinkx puts an arm around her shoulders. There are tears rolling down their cheeks. 

“I really think you should call Adore again.” 

Adore. Adore didn’t get to say goodbye - Adore didn’t fucking know. That was her fucking dad, and she loved him, and she’d never-

Bianca stops. Something in her brain ticks. A somber conversation at the kitchen table. 

“His, uh- his advanced directive. San Juni-whatever -  Cookie heaven-“ Bianca blurts out, ejecting the words as soon as they appear in her head. The comfort feels cold, but it’s comfort nevertheless. 

She looks at Jinkx. Their face has crumpled. They’re shaking their head. No. 

“They tried - it all happened too quickly, it didn’t work. He was gone before they could…” Jinkx bites their lip. “I’m sorry - I know how much it means- meant to him, I know he wanted…”  

Bianca shakes her head, trying to get Jinkx to stop talking. It isn’t fair - they’ve just lost their husband, and yet it’s them trying to comfort her?  

“It’s okay.” 

It’s not. But Jinkx rests their head on Bianca’s shoulder anyway, and Bianca takes their hand, even though she feels like she’s only making everything worse. What warmth is she capable of? Her presence isn’t doing anything besides forcing Jinkx to stir up their own raw emotions, and reminding them both of the cavernous space between them that Ben’s daughter should be filling. 

Bianca fumbles her phone out of her purse with her shaking hands as Jinkx cries a wet patch into her collar. She needs to call Adore.  

*****

November 24th, 2046

The silence in the kitchen is uncomfortable. Neither Adore nor Bianca knows how to fill it. Ben’s funeral was yesterday morning. Bianca doesn’t know if Adore is okay, but she doesn’t know what to say to her either. She hasn’t seen her cry yet. 

She’s exhausted. The last couple of weeks have been a terrible, sleepless headfuck. All of the funeral planning and formality had fallen into Bianca’s lap - Jinkx had been too distraught to try and think about it, and she couldn’t ask Adore. It was the only real help she’d been able to offer; if there’s one thing that Bianca knows for a fucking fact, it’s that she’s awful at providing comfort. But as usual, she’d taken too much on, and she hadn’t had time to process what had happened - time to grieve, or even just to fucking take a breath and figure out where her own head was at. 

Bianca feels hollow. And Adore won’t speak to her. She’s sitting at the dinner table, with her bright blue hair piled on top of her head in a sloppy ponytail, wearing some tattered band shirt that doesn’t really fit her, and she seems…fine. She’s been home since Ben died, but they’ve been floating around the empty house on two completely different planets; barely making eye contact with each other, let alone talking. There’s a mug of coffee turning cold in Bianca’s hand, and her daughter won’t meet her gaze. 

Adore fidgets with the hair-tie around her wrist. She looks nervous. 

“Listen, Mom-”

“Are you okay?” Bianca blurts out, and then cringes - Adore looks at her with frustration in her glazed-over eyes. 

“I need to tell you something.”

“What’s up?” Bianca tries to inject some warmth into her voice. 

“I know I said I’d stay for a little longer, but I’m…”

Oh god. Bianca already doesn’t like where this is going. She clenches her teeth, trying to contain the stupid, defeated little whimper she can feel rising into the back of her throat.

“I got a call from my manager this morning. My new single drops in a week, and there’s- this big-deal band wants me to open for them on their tour. It’s two months on the road, and I know that I shouldn’t- I mean, it’s a huge opportunity, and the money is really fucking good, and I’m…” Adore’s words are stilted and awkward. 

Bianca takes a second to compose herself. 

“When would you be leaving?” Bianca eventually says. It’s the most neutral question she can think of, and her words come out flat and unbothered. She can’t say what she really wants to - can’t beg her to stay, can’t argue back. Can’t take this from her. 

“Day after tomorrow,” Adore says to the floor, still wringing her hands awkwardly. 

“And why do you sound like you’re asking for permission to go?" 

“Because- I don’t know.” Adore says, equally lacking in emotion. It’s felt for the last couple of weeks like she and Bianca have just been going through the motions of their relationship without any feeling. “I mean- fuck, you’re my mom. And everything is just- I can’t leave you right now. If you said no, then I can’t...” 

“Why do I have to say no?” Bianca tilts her head. Her neck is stiff from the sleepless nights. 

“Because I don’t want to.”

That answer frustrates Bianca, and she can tell from Adore’s body language that she knows it. Adore picks at a loose thread on her shirt - she’s never been able to sit still. Bianca pinches the bridge of her nose.

“I’m not gonna be the bad guy, Dorey - even if you want me to. We’re talking about your career here - not doing it would be fucking stupid,” Bianca says, toneless and insincere again. She pauses. “Do they know that your dad just died?” 

“…No,” Adore grimaces. The first small twinge of emotion flashes across her face for a second, and then it’s gone. “They might give it to someone else. They’ll think I’m gonna be unstable or unreliable or something.”  

“Are you?”

“Maybe,” Adore purses her lips. “It’s kinda still not real. Maybe it’ll stay like that if I’m distracted.”

“And maybe it’ll get real when you’re on the road - you need to think about yourself.”

Adore murmurs something unintelligible by way of response, shakily trying to affirm that she can do it. Bianca stares into her coffee cup. They seem to have reached some level of nonverbal understanding that they’re not gonna talk about this any more. Adore is leaving tomorrow, and Bianca better make peace with that. 

“You’re not mad about me leaving you by yourself, are you?” Adore’s meek voice cuts through the icy reticence. 

“What? No - I’m a big girl, I’ll survive,” Bianca shrugs her shoulders. Why does Adore default to the assumption that she’s always mad? Why does she have to be the villain all the goddamn time? Can’t she just be upset? 

“But like…do you have friends?" 

“Yes, I have fucking friends, Adore.”

And then she thinks about it. Her family doesn’t give a shit, and Raja had broken things off with her a couple of weeks before Ben dropped dead out of fucking nowhere - and yeah, maybe she’s close enough with a couple of people from work that she’d be able to talk to them, but the thought makes her squirm.

She’d not so much asked Adore to stick around for a couple of weeks after the funeral as she had begged her to. The loneliness is choking her, and her daughter is the only person she can face - because they never really talked about their feelings, and even this wasn’t enough to make them start. She just needed someone to be quietly sad alongside. The more that she thinks about it, the more she realizes that the only person she wants to talk to about the pain inflicted by Ben’s death is Ben himself. 

Which she should be able to do. She’s grown more attached to the San Junipero concept than she ever wanted to be. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she’d gotten comfortable with the two of them never having to live without each other. Except that didn't work, and now he’s gone. Forever. 

Bianca had friends. A friend. She’d never needed anyone else, and so she’d never bothered trying to find them. She hadn’t planned for an eventuality in which he’d be dead by forty-six. 

Bianca is crying. Horrible, huge, ugly floods of tears. Adore looks nervous - like she doesn’t know what to do with herself. This isn’t fair. She can’t make Adore deal with her like this. But she can’t stop. Twelve days of awful emotional blockage are clearing themselves all at once, and Bianca’s face is soaking wet and there’s snot running down her chin, and she feels about as disgusting as she probably looks. Adore’s chair scrapes the tiled floor, and she’s standing behind Bianca - wrapping her arms around her, resting her sharp chin on Bianca’s shoulder. 

Adore’s body is starting to heave against hers, and as Bianca tries to blink through some of the blur to her vision and catch her trembling breath, she realizes Adore is crying too. Is this progress? 

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, baby.” Bianca takes one of Adore’s hands in hers, running a thumb across her tattooed knuckles. “It’s okay - it’s okay to be sad.”

“I’m not sad.” Adore’s voice is thin. “And I have to go. I don’t want to be here. I can’t be here without him.”

Adore mutters the admission like it’s blasphemy, and Bianca doesn’t like it, but she knows. Ben’s ghost lingers in every brick and board and fiber of this house. It hurts - that she isn’t capable of being what Adore needs right now. But she understands. 

*****

June 7th, 2047

“Don’t fucking put that on me - don’t screw up my childhood and then keep making me miserable as a fucking adult, it’s not fair-" 

“Ob, cry me a fucking river - you had a great childhood!”

“Did I? Getting dragged up by some fucking idiot who didn’t know what she was doing-" 

“I was a fucking kid, Adore - I was trying my fucking best-” 

It’s dark outside. Bianca feels like shit. She wishes Adore hadn’t left. 

She hasn’t been able to sleep without sedatives since Ben died, and she hates it. She also doesn’t know why - she wasn’t there. It didn’t happen to her. It’s not her tragedy. She fishes the blister pack of xanax out of her purse and swallows one with the tail end of her glass of wine. Sleep. She needs sleep. She needs this shitty, awful, horrible day to be over. Maybe when she wakes up, Adore will be over her tantrum. 

She drops the pills on the kitchen counter. The last dregs of the wine are eyeing her up through the bottle. Bianca hesitates for a moment, refills her glass, and swiftly empties it down her throat. 

She walks through the empty living room, put off by the silence. It’s too quiet in this house. She wishes she hadn’t kept it. Ben deserved it more - he had a partner, and a good life, and hope for the future. Not the pathetic remains of half a dozen short-lived, shitty relationships, and a dead-end job. Adore loved him - she clearly can’t fucking stand Bianca. There would still be life in these walls if he’d taken it, and Bianca had hiked all her stupid clothes and coffee table books and vanity and venom to a crappy bachelor apartment.

It was Ben’s fucking house - it was his career that had paid for it. Bianca felt sick enough with guilt and frustration that he’d insisted she stayed and he left, and then kept ‘forgetting’ to cancel the mortgage auto-payments when he was still alive - just like he kept ‘forgetting’ to stop making her car payments, or kept sending her cheques from some ‘investment account’ they’d apparently set up years ago that she had no memory of. She’d stolen a better quality of life than she was owed from a guy that she was tethered to based on one night of bad decisions when they were in their twenties. It would have been easier on her conscience if Ben had resented her for it. But he didn’t. He’d looked out for her and loved her right up until the ugly end and she didn’t deserve any of it. 

If Ben had stayed here, he would have had to drive a different route to work. That’s why they bought the house - it was close to his job. Maybe he’d still be alive. Maybe it would have been her that died after a rush hour car wreck, of an internal hemorrhage that every medical professional in the vicinity was too busy and too stupid to notice. Maybe things would be better that way. 

The house is too quiet, and there’s too much space - Bianca traipses up the stairs, her fingers brushing over the lingering texture of Adore’s childhood crayon-on-wall scribbles, long since painted over. 

The wine is making her feel worse. She’s angry - hurt, frustrated, upset. But not with Adore. With herself for making her this way. 

Ben was warm, Ben was supportive. Ben could never see a single fault in her - not like Bianca. Bianca was the Bad Cop; the enforcer, the prison warden. Bianca nagged Adore about her homework and her curfew and her room being a mess - Bianca questioned her judgment, Bianca shat on her fashion choices. Bianca tried her best to make sure the kid didn’t turn out like she had. And she’d done it - Adore was successful, she was living a life she could look back on and be proud of. So, no fucking wonder Adore’s ideal future was one that didn’t have Bianca in it.  

“Bull-fucking-shit. You weren’t a kid, you were in your twenties-“ 

“I was two years younger than you are, you think you’d be great at raising a child now? Forget about finding out you’re pregnant when you were twenty-one and having to give up everything you’ve ever wanted in life for-“

“Nobody asked you to do that.”  

“No, they didn’t - but I had to do what was fucking best for you. Fuck my dreams, fuck what I wanted. You think anybody is working in a goddamn Urban Outfitters age forty-fucking-seven because they want to be?”

“I’ve been out of your house for five years, you’ve had time. Go live your dreams, since I’m not a fucking burden on you any more-“

“You’re not fucking getting it - the ‘living my dreams’ ship has sailed, since I had to drop out of fucking college for you. I had to put my life on hold indefinitely for you, and so did your father, so stop being such an ungrateful little shit-“

Bianca keeps replaying the fight in her head. Tonight had started well. Adore was back in town between tour dates and album sessions - not for Bianca. To see friends, and to meet with some record execs that Bianca was too uncool to know the names of. But when Bianca had asked if she had a free night, Adore had humored her. They’d ordered pizza, bought a couple bottles of wine, and for a moment, things felt the way they used to. Bianca was happy, for a fleeting second. 

Adore had been her best friend until she was thirteen. Then some awful melting pot of Adore’s pubescent bitch tendencies and Bianca’s stubbornness and short fuse had kicked off a bizarre ongoing war between the two of them that only seemed to mellow out once Adore left home and they weren’t constantly in each other’s way. It was normal teenager shit - Bianca remembered things being the same way between herself and her mother when she was in junior high. Her mother that she doesn’t fucking speak to any more. 

Bianca loves Adore so much that it’s physically painful, and she felt like a monster the entire time they were at odds. But she didn’t know how to stop it - she didn’t know how to be whatever Adore seemed to need from her. 

Not that there hadn’t been good moments. Adore’s first concert. The family vacation to Cancun. The weekend shopping sprees. Every so often, Bianca caught a glimpse of the fully-formed human being that Adore was starting to become, and she…well, adored her. But sooner or later, the shit would start again; Bianca could feel herself failing her daughter in real time. 

Just like when Adore was a teenager, things had fallen apart tonight just as Bianca was starting to enjoy the good.  

It was her fault. Like usual. Bianca had too much to drink too quickly, and she got emotional. She’d phrased some stuff poorly. She’d upset Adore. It was always her fault - it was always her that made the first wrong step. Adore just reacted to her shitty parenting.  

She’d made an off-handed comment about Adore ‘abandoning’ her. Which, in her crappier moments, she often felt but resolved never to say to her. Adore was an adult with her own life and her own burgeoning fame to deal with, and she’d lost her dad less than a year ago. Bianca’s feelings didn’t matter; she should be seeking her emotional support from someone her own age. So fucking what if Adore had better things to deal with than her mom’s grief and loneliness? 

But she’d said it anyway, and then she’d doubled down. Just like she always did. Adore started crying. Bianca got frustrated. God, she misses Ben. He wouldn’t have let this happen. 

“Leave Daddy the fuck out of this, he’s the only person I never doubted cared about me and I-" 

“Yeah, he did. He really, really fucking cared about you - enough to spend nearly his entire adult life closeted because he wanted to give you some semblance of a normal childhood, enough that the night he fucking died he didn’t want me to call you because he didn’t want to worry you-“

“That’s not a good thing! I wish I’d been there! I wish I knew, instead of coming offstage to find out that my dad had fucking died and my stupid, selfish, uptight bitch of a mother didn’t think it was worth her time to tell me that he was in that accident-“ 

“I told Willam - she said it wasn’t important enough to get you on the goddamn phone! Blame her!”

“You should have tried harder!”

“I didn’t think I had to. Your dad didn’t know how bad it was, he didn’t know what was going to happen - none of us knew, obviously if we did I would have put you on a flight as soon as I-“

Bianca has been trying to write that stupid fucking San Junipero bullshit out of her will for months now. If Ben wanted it and didn’t get it, she’s sure as shit not doing it now. However, the process is a fucking nightmare - eight hundred stupid phone calls to eight hundred useless morons who need to refer her to the next person, to try and sell her on an upgrade or ask her if this is because she wants the payout for the unused credit on her plan. It’s demoralizing and exhausting - the evil spiritual stepsister of canceling fucking cable, but a hundred times harder and with constant reminders of her fucking dead ex-husband and the last request he never got. 

Everything is depressing and shit, and she’s tired. She wants it to end - she wants to return to a normal that she can never get back. 

Bianca lingers at the open door of Adore’s teenage bedroom. It’s a shitshow. She hadn’t tidied up after herself when she left after Ben’s funeral - if anything she’d made more mess, rummaging around in her things and packing and unpacking for that fucking tour she had to go on. Which had done good things for her. In the last six months, her opening spots had turned into festival headliners and talk show appearances; she had an album in the works, and was watching her teenage dream blossom in real time to heights she’d never imagined it would reach. Bianca is glad that she went. Even if she hates her for it a little bit.

Bianca doesn’t want to touch anything. She treads carefully across the messy floor, trying not to disrupt anything; trying to preserve her daughter’s chaos, learn to live in it and love it as she did. Adore’s bed is unmade. The sheets smell like her. 

There’s a framed picture by her bed - a print of a blurry selfie taken at Ben’s niece’s bat mitzvah. She remembers that night. Adore had just turned twenty-one and her hair was purple. They’d gotten irresponsibly drunk on kosher wine, and Adore had climbed into Bianca’s lap to take the picture, pressing her gloss-sticky lips to Bianca’s cheek and telling her she loved her. They’re both smiling like maniacs. 

Adore had just turned twenty-one. That picture hadn’t been there when Adore last occupied that room - she’d moved into her college dorm a few days before her nineteenth birthday. She’d brought that here. And left it here. Bianca feels queasy. She picks it up gently, like it’s a precious artifact. The frame is bright red hard plastic, shaped like a heart - painted on one side, in Adore’s endearingly shitty handwriting: LOVE YOU MOMMY XO

Bianca’s eyes well up. It was a fucking gift that Adore never gave to her. Probably because she’d ruined Adore’s last visit home. Just like she ruined tonight. Just like she ruined her. Bianca drops the frame like it burns to touch, and she hears the glass shatter against the hardwood floor.  

She closes the door as she leaves, hearing it slam and her own breath becoming frantic. She feels that familiar ache, a sob building up in the depths of her chest.  

She’s pressed against Adore’s wall and staring directly into Ben’s old room. She’d transformed it into a pitiful sewing workspace that she’d barely used when he moved out - a weird attempt to kick some sense of purpose back into her life when Adore had flown the nest and Ben was out living his own life, picking up an old hobby that had dominated her teens and fuelled her plans for the future. Plans that had died a death in the bathroom of her old apartment downtown. The mannequin torso sits gathering dust, half-finished sketches litter the table. A waste - like everything else. 

She can���t do this. She doesn’t want to be here. She wants Adore back. Wants to hold her in her arms, breathe in her scent and her warmth, and tell her she forgives her for every horrible thing that had come out of her mouth tonight. 

No, she wants to tell her that she’s sorry. For everything. 

Sleep. She needs to sleep. 

“You just don’t want to admit that you screwed me out of a chance to say goodbye! You feel like I’ve abandoned you? Fuck you! You didn’t love him!” 

“I did-" 

“He was your friend - he was my fucking dad. Don’t try and pretend that what you’re feeling right now is anything like what I’m feeling, because it’s not.”

“It doesn’t have to be - Dorey, we can deal with this together. I want to be there for you. I want to help you. And I miss you, is that such a fucking crime?”

“You miss being a bitch to me - you miss telling me that I’ve wasted my life. You miss having someone else to boss around, because that’s all you wanna do.”

“Adore, I tried my fucking best for you. I didn’t have it in me to be a perfect mother - I didn’t have one, I wasn’t set up to be good at this. I tried my best, and if you feel like I’ve failed then I’m really fucking sorry. But I love you, and-“

Why the fuck are her pills on the kitchen counter? Bianca pops one out and swallows it dry, desperate for her mind to shut the fuck up. She’s drunk and confused and alone and fucking sad, and she wants to sleep.

Should she call Adore? No, that feels desperate. She needs to leave her alone; let her get over this at her own pace, let her come back on her own. If she wants to come back. She’ll come back. 

Bianca didn’t come back. Bianca didn’t forgive her mom for the sin of setting her expectations too high, so why the hell would Adore do the same? Maybe her mom feels the same way about her - maybe she feels deprived of a presence in the life she created, and maybe she loses sleep and paces around the house at night like a madwoman and cries over her too. That feels vindicating - so why does it hurt so much that Adore is probably gonna commit her to the same fate? 

Bianca collapses into the couch. Her body feels heavy. The clock on the wall says it’s just after midnight. There’s an empty pizza box on the coffee table. Adore’s lipstick is stained onto the rim of her glass. 

“God, can you not go five minutes without trying to make me feel like shit? I know. I know you tried, I’m sorry I didn’t turn out the way you wanted me to-“

“Do you think this is what your dad would have fucking wanted?”

“Don’t talk about what he would have wanted - what he would have wanted doesn’t matter. He’s dead, mom. He’s fucking gone. He’s gone, and I’m never gonna get him back, and now I’m stuck with you.”  

“The fuck do you mean ‘stuck with’ me?”

“You know exactly what I fucking mean.”

“What, you wish it was me? You wish I was the one that had fucking died? If that’s what you mean, say it.” 

“If I have to choose one of you then yeah. Yeah, I wish it was him that was still here.”

The couch is soft and warm and Bianca is falling asleep. She’s comfortable - but she feels wrong. Her head is swimming. 

It’s getting dark outside. Bianca watches for headlights in the driveway. Maybe Adore will come home and forgive her. Bianca is tired, and her head is heavy, and she wants to go to sleep. Sleep and forget. Maybe Adore will love her again when she wakes up. 

*****

[1] MISSED CALL  Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:21

[3] NEW MESSAGES  Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:23 mom im rlly sorry. i love you. can we talk <33 mom are you okay? talk to me 

[3] MISSED CALLS Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:29

[4] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR  00:34 mom PLEASE answer ur phone  im sorry  talk to me please im coming over

[5] MISSED CALLS Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:58

[3] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 01:01 im outside answer the door  mommy i know ur mad at me but i want to talk to u, im rlly sorry i love u so much pls answer the door mom MOM

[8] MISSED CALLS Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 01:07

[2] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 01:11 mommy please  im sorry. i love you. 

****

Pride Challenge Points: 6662

[jet-apologistmybadhomies]

oooooh tell me more how u feel abt striker! me, personally, i adore him in oops but don't care for how he was handled in western energy 😒 the fight scene against mnm is my fave in show, tho!

oh my god i been waiting for this question!! everytime an ep drops with him in it i spamm my Friends about how i feel

me everytime hes on Screen

so i must apolgize this Just all my thoughts written into one messy text

u gotta know tho i absolutely love that Western outlaw bullshit like the Moment someone looks like that? i am eating it up its a gulity pleasure

his first appearnce was so cool i mean i did find the whole "hes the better Version" jealously trope kinda boring

but Striker was so cool during and did not acutally have anything"romantic" going on with millie just saved that for me

he has at least in his first ep that eat the rich mentallity that Always wins my heart the fact that hes queer also maybe did make me like him more cuz Cowboys should be gay 😁 nah fr he was giving me queer outlaw and the fact that everytime he Attacked someone it was acutally "scary" at least for the characters like sorry but

in a show thats about Killing and yk treats it as a joke to make him choke moxxie and have it genuinly feel threating was just awesome

u just knew he was different from the other villains

his Style was honestly fake Cowboy but i think we all know that the thing is its so stylish that i just dont care

Striker just eats with almost everything he did in the ep and the voice only made it better i even honestly like his second voice actor too but that may be cuz i am based

and yk its all good until the next time he Shows up and they start to make jokes 🥲 and its like WHY like he even swears like all the time which he didnt before and it takes from his whole vibe away ☹️ but yk i can forgive that cuz he literally Kidnapped stolas and the fact that hes working for stella gives him that lil hypocritic that i just love so i was yea its okay especially when he was on that horse 😙

and the fight scene was also awesome and i tbh found even "Harder" joke funny Where he just keeps having his fights be sexual and hes like wtf ACUTALLY if that would have been his first 'fuck' in the show it would have been 💯 funnier

but u could like feel that he gotten a whole less scary even tho he acutally harmed stolas

and that that mess of the third ep where he still has this cool vibe but its just completly runied by the fact that hes not scary that he has in the lost his cool and every other character is just weirdly useless next to him

him working with moxxies dad could be Potential for Angst tol but i honestly dont like Striker working with ppl i Think he is that loner and it fits him yk? but thats fine until he totally loses to blitzo and fizz even if his other fights were so cool? and now he looks like a rat which is still funny but kinda sad yk?

its Basically i can appricate the funny parts but its also so sad to his such a cool character be the butt of a joke 🥲 like it ruins him

BUT i still love him and i wish we acutally got to know more? like his Mixed , hates royals , is homeless and works with stella? like the Potential is so wasted

and i cant even see it working if they do try because even tho we have this whole opression shit going on the show keeps fucking it up? like imps supposed go be low?? but theres one thats a Mafia head theres on thats a star like sure they can be that but if so many can do that then blitzo and Striker just look dramatic next to it

or the fact that they keep making the sins nice at least some of the rich nice its just it makes Striker look like hes upset over nothing

anyway with all that out of the way .. i also think hes hot i am sorry especially the whole snake sounds and shit he has going on? yea idk

ps

i do kinda like him getting more unhinged the more he shows up? like ooo hes crazy too i love that

[daemosghost]

gonna be real, the writing in the fnaf movie was bootycheeks and I believe it was held back by being a pg-13 movie

I went into the movie with lore knowledge up to when I stopped being interested in fnaf, which was around the time of fnaf 4 or sister location's release. The story within the game series is incredibly dark and should have had an R rating so they could have actually delved into the actual story and implications sprinkled throughout each game. In the fnaf games(from what I recall) all those kids died rather gruesomely via animatronics or by the hands of William Afton or other kids at the pizza place. A key point is that they all died in the pizzeria and they were all there unsupervised by any adult(it was the 80s and people loved leaving their kids unsupervised for some reason despite the sheer amount of kids being snatched up at the time) Mike Schmidt was a security guard and was one of the older sons of William Afton, Mike changed his name so he wasnt affiliated with his father I'm assuming. The fact that his father was a serial child killer who accidently killed his own daughter when making one of his animatronics also could have been used in the movie.

Despite being labelled a "horror movie" its not in anyway horror. The only jumpscare was MatPat for me because for some reason they decided to use fucking Balloon Boy as a cheap jumpscare not once, but twice. The whole movie was just piling on references for fnaf fans and hoping nobody paid attention to the writing. I was unironically kinda bored the whole time.

Mike Schmidt/Michael Afton in the movie for some reason is not William Afton's son. I dont know the Vanessa character but I do know she's from Security Breach which looks to take place in modern times or perhaps the future, for some reason in the movie she gets teleported to the late 80s or 90s as a character.

Then there's the whole thing with Mike's brother that literally makes zero sense. Why did Afton go out to the middle of buttfuck nowhere Nevada just to kidnap some kid in a forested area and then kill him? His pizzeria was already an open haven of unsupervised kids so doing all that was literally not necessary.

Also there was no phone guy even though I wanted to hear phone guy. The thing with the vhs tape was giving corny analog horror, I wanted my man phone guy, he wouldve added much more atmosphere then some dream sequences or that vhs.

I was also waiting for Mike to work at least once through those few days or maybe a fast forward to the day when phone guy got clapped and was actively dying on the phone call whilst Mike dookies himself in fear when the animatronics start disappearing and move the people there to vandalize to show up when all that is happening.

[Edit: Oh and the vandelizers that were hired to destroy the pizzeria so Mike gets fired all get offed off screen too and arent mentioned ever again even tho one of them was literally Mike's sister's babysitter like huh????]

Also the aunt????? Got folded like a lawn chair???????? And thats never addressed????? No line, no investigation or anything, they forgot the aunt got folded????

There could've been a change in the animatronics attitudes where they realize Mike is an Afton but never outright state it, like the animatronics act like children but then that changes instantly when they put two and two together and become more hostile.

So much interesting shit could have been done even if it adds its own lore but nah they dropped the ball by just filling the movie with as much references as possible without having a real coherent story.

[zenyuu]

ok so. crescendo disbands bc of multiple reasons, most prominent being declining popularity and sales making it more costly for their agency to keep them afloat. they're a really popular unit but after a while they just kinda become. forgotten in a way? wait ill put this under a cut for easier scrolling

ok i wanna talk abt them more. in my mind they have a really professional air to them? they were brought together by an agency so they dont rlly know eachother that much. even if they get closer they still have a mostly work relationship. their development w eachother only comes after theyve already disbanded.

i wanted this unit to be themed around the moon (yk. crescendo. crescent. as in crescent moon. pls tell me this makes sense) and also have kinda fancy classical music as their genre. their members can represent different moon phases, like Reiko for example. i want her to represent the new moon phase (yk the time when the moon is not rlly visible? bc its shadow is facing us) , shes pretty distant and stoic during her time in crescendo, and also not really the main member most people pay attention to? shes just kinda. there to complete the set. thats it

ok so conflict start. they're under a pretty strict agency, wanting to keep their idols' images perfect and polished. this causes them to stick to the same thing over and over again, never taking any risks with music or image. so after a while people just. got bored of them. the stress of their popularity dropping and the risks of disbanding causes the members to go through a lot of stress. and remember when i said that these guys arent that close during their time here? yea. everyone has their way of dealing with things, some of them get very overbearing, some become more distant. the overbearing ones think the distant members dont care abt their unit at all. and the distant ones think the others are being too controlling and frantic. misunderstandings ensue. the tension and fighting between them affects their performances causing things to get worse. because the only reason why those who've stuck around did was bc of the units talent when it comes to singing and dancing, and if thats gone, no one has a reason to see them anymore. They disband while tensions are high bc their agency is losing revenue and it just ends there for them i guess.

i make sure they all get their happy endings in some time bc while i love making my ocs suffer i cannot handle bad endings.

[imunbreakabledude]

okay i've killed like 70 tormented demons on task now and here is my review so far (as compared to demonic gorillas)

i don't like. but i also didn't like demonic gorillas

i dont even care that the regular drops are "shit" (honestly they aren't that bad, personally I would be ok with the loot being far shittier if the uniques were slightly more common, but WHATEVER) these just feel like... well, half fun to rip through with big hits, but also half clunky and clicky

it's kinda cool that mage is sorta relevant here (dark demonbane is better dps than bowfa/crystal, so I'm going melee/mage), but also boy howdy does it make already boring-but-click-intensive mobs even more click intensive

have to recast thralls every minute. have to recast mark of darkness every minute.

have to bring a 5/6 way gear switch for good DPS ... no lazy option like my 1-2 or 2-3 way switches i brought to demonics (im contemplating going back to moons of peril to try to get blue moon chest/legs and camp those instead of switching between ahrims and fighter torso)

the timing for the fire bomb thing is so annoying compared to demonic gorilla's rocks... i know it's supposed to be more 'engaging' but it's just annoying. and fighting the instinct of basically every other monster in this game that has a "dodge the incoming rock/bomb" mechanic, where you can click away as soon as you see the projectile, to WAIT a few ticks to be able to hit the 2 tick window of clearance, and also having to awkwardly stretch my thumb to control-click to run, it just doesn't feel... intuitive, the way a bunch of other pvm mechanics do. like you're punished for being too QUICK to react... or if you wanna be "quick" you have to sit there and spam click until it works... it's partially just that I don't have it automatically down yet but i am not a fan of it

i also don't really have the timing down for taking advantage of their shields going down, i anticipate it will feel more enjoyable once I am able to reliably get the big Smacks but also it's sad that half the time I can't Smack because they're praying melee and i only have dharoks for Big Bonk, i don't have a ballista or w/e, I mean I suppose I could bring a crossbow switch just for this but that feels not at all worth an inventory spot

hopefully in another 50-100 kills it'll feel ingrained enough that i can watch tv while killing them like i could with demonics because otherwise this will be kinda miserable lmaooo

[tiny-pteranodon]

You won't believe what happened today

These people (my ✨️friends✨️) left for the exam center and they told me that they are coming so I was waiting for them. But they left before me and i saw one of them just as I was talking to her mother on call(i borrowed someone's phone). I was on the verge of tears the whole time cause I had to reach there before 10and it was already 9:15. The center is almost half an hour away and I would have reached there if it wasn't for those bitches. And then i told my mother what happened and she told me that my father would drop me there. I did reach on time (9:45). Everyone was already in and I was one of the few people who were left behind(the others were out on purpose waiting for their friends). And when I reached my exam room i saw that none of my classmates are there all of the others were from different school(perks of being the last roll number🙄). I was so upset and this was just a bonus but then one of our school teacher was there so it was a bit🤏 comforting. But while giving exam my mind was filled with so much kachra that time.

P.S: it was my 2nd day giving exam and on the 1st day my 2 other classmates were with me but today 2 people didn't had the exam and because of this the seating plan was changed.

Such a chaotic day. Thanks to listening to my ted talk

hey ummm im so so sorry for not nticing this ask

🫂🫂

yikes damn downsides of having near last roll number but look on the bright side, you dont ever have to give viva at first, you can always get an idea about the kinda question. and teacherrs also get bored and tired of taking viva so theyre kinder on the later folk....... or aleast thats my view as a name statrts with A guy

atleast you made on time thankfully. damn those "friends"

BEST OF LUCK FOR THE EXAMS BTW

KEEP SLAYYING

[respitelocklyre]

Okay so I FINALLY feel like I'm settling in after move-in day and having syllabus week, I have a little free time to update you guys on stuff!!

The first few days leading up to orientation were crazy, sure, but like you wouldnt believe wtf happened DURING orientation. First off, I hit up the ppl i met at the cafe so we could go together (willow also dragged her roomie along and she totally promised she was cool but she was sooooo lame lmao), but we ended up being the last to arrive somehow. Turns out orientation here is, like, a small group activity and not some big boring thing in an auditorium so i ended up working on this weird group scavanger hunt in the library with the same ppl. idk, the statues in the room with the glowing pool of magic light ("the snarl"???) told us something about working together and being graded on teamwork. Since when is orientation fucking graded anyways???

We split up even more into two groups since we were running late so we could tackle different clues at the same time. I managed to pawn stick-in-the-mud and frat boy off on each other (with mettie as necessary collateral damage but whatevs im sure he didnt mind). I'm just happy i got to be with willow who so far seems like the most normal person i've met since the cafe. I guess that nora girl and that cute owl boy i met today were pretty normal too. Wait wait wait did i even tell you guys about my roommate? He was, like, dumpster-diving on day 1 so i did NOT get the best first impression on the weirdo, but at least he's letting me use his closet since he only owns like 3 shirts and 2 pants.

Anyways back to the scavenger hunt! It was kinda cute but also super lame in that way school-sponsored events always are. Muk had another terrible time in the cafe (but got a, like, bag of holding out of it- which i am SO jealous of tbh!!), i befriended a bush (no not like that, it was, like, an actual sentient bush) that gave me a cute morphing plushie, and then willow got a lantern for getting on stage! From what i gathered, mettie and the others spent most of their time playing with the magic light pool in the first room? It made them trip balls or smthn. idc what mettie says- i dont think microdosing on distilled wild magic is gonna make thad a cooler person.

I think they did get some health potions from it tho, and then they found some kitschy little school pennants from their other clue. Mettie got enough for all of us, tho he brought me a prismari one and like...idk. I'm still not sure about all that stuff. I have like a year to figure it out tho so 🤷‍♀️

Okay that was all normal stuff but HERE is where it got CRAZY! We were just about to regroup and finish our scavenger hunt, when out of NOWHERE this chest came to life as a mimic and chomped down on this poor little gnome lady! And then a chair started coming to life too! Everyone was panicking and tbh i kinda wanted to gtfo too but idk, my group just, like...rushed in to help her so what was i gonna do? Make myself look bad by leaving them all behind in public? Not on my first day lol

tbh i might as well have just run away though, bc finance bro immediately drops a sleep spell and ofc me, mettie, and the gnome (CURRENTLY BEING DIGESTED) passed out and the two mimics were, like, totally fine.

idk what happened while i was sleeping, but once i woke up muk was totally passed out and bleeding everywhere, but at least they managed to get the other student out of the mimic's mouth before that. Anyways i sawed that motherfucker in half and then sawed the legs off the other stupid chair-mimic. I mean, dont get me wrong, it was def a group effort to take them down for sure. Aside from the sleep spell i think we have a kinda rhythm going together, considering that was our third fight before classes had even started 🙄 🙄 🙄

And then finally a professor showed up to help! She apologized and told us these things just kinda happen sometimes because of the snarl thing in the library, like it causes wild magic surges and stuff. She took the gnome lady to the infirmary and gave us all a platinum piece for our troubles (she said it wasn't a bribe, but ngl its working on me anyways).

After all that, our first week went pretty smoothly- we're all gonna meet up to go to the career/club fair at the end of the week! It sounds like most of us do not wanna keep being baristas after what happened lol We also went for boba and a lil mall trip this week, since muk hadn't ever done either of those things before (they were homeschooled!) and i am always up for getting myself a little treat. Even better when someone else gets the little treat for me! I can't believe mettie got my boba order right on the first try. Like...oh, whatever. I know that entry was long but school has been waaayy crazier than i expected! Sorry for any, like, slow updates n stuff, i promise i'll be back to my usual posting once this place chills out fr

[bubsub69]

Entry 10

4/6/2023 00:13

happy entry number ten, just kinda procrastinating studying for internet security.

I used one of the starters, if she found any of the ads and unfortunately she said she hasnt but said she's looking which i guess shows that she still cares about me but my anxiety wont let me believe it, ive tried talking to a couple more people on femdompersonals but i havent gotten any replies, even if i wanted to move on from her its kinda hard since no one else gives a fuck about me, whats annoying is that i "can't" make an ad myself on it because she could see it and i dont want anything that could risk this at all, and its not like im missing much, when i posted it i got 2 replies, her and someone who i skypped with who got bored of me and never talked with me again, i didnt either to be fair but yeah, though even if its just 2 people seeing those notifications felt really fucking nice, and seeing someone that opened as a human being and seemed to show actual care would be a nice feeling to repeat, but yeah i dont want to risk her seeing my post in case she follows me.

I don't know what else to write i just want to not study security but its only like 1 more week then working on the project so i just gonna push through for a bit more..

I'm getting really attention starved, just seeing a notification that i think is from someone but turns out to be an auto message absolutely crushes me, i just wish she talked to me, what do i have to do to get that, try to drop a mistery? tell her of something that im gonna do in the future? i'd just like to look at my phone for once and see a notification from her out of nowhere, but i guess i have nothing interesting going on for her to want to talk with me.

She also posted on twitter, cant belive its been only a week since she made it it feels like i've checked that thing for a month, time can really move weird, school deadlines are coming in super quickly and yet trying to wait my being annoying cooldown to talk with her seems to take forever, but yeah she posted 2 memes on the 30th which surprised me cause apparently i spent 2 days without checking it but she also complained about not being used to kilos and i replied with a little joke to it, no response from there either and that was like 2 days ago but i guess theres really no big reason to answer me there, and she might not even know it was me who commented that.

but hey at least stalking her twitter gave me another small topic to talk, unit problems, maybe itll go well with asking how her portuguese is doing

but yeah another day another 24h of trying to get her to talk to me, maybe i should just go all in and ask her if she wants to hear my boy moans since she considers that erotica inspiration, i should probably also hear more of her audios just to try and get some more starters out of it if i can push through the crushing loneliness i get from hearing it, but i guess i should wait for the important deadlines to be over to do it.

Heres to hoping she starts a conversation of literally anything, even if its to tell me to go fuck myself so i can completely move one guilt free and with a crushed soul and 3 liters of tears lost.

Oh also that ace thing kinda of faded away on day 3, she's not completely gone but not really been showing up, neither has the bad one either so thats good i guess.

pls fucking text me

[ahyesfish]

i started watching one piece

and because my peanut brain will inevitably get bored and drop out halfway through and leave me disappointed in myself i’ve decided to write down commentary to make it fun

so now welcome to the long ass journey of me watching all the episodes (hopefully) of one piece 

ep1 - look she doesn’t seem like a great person but im in love with the big pirate lady

the small pink haired one is kinda annoying he reminds me of a tutorial npc like paimon

luffy is a little shit and i adore him

ep2 - damm they got there quick tf???

calling it now zoro is a sucker for kids man ate that nasty dirt covered rice just bc she brought it to him, common i know im right

the Capitan and his son can go die in a pit i hate them with a burning passion

ep3 - here comes the undying loyalty i can feel it in my bones

yasss they got what they deserved fuck that Capitan  

istg is that pink bitch gonna have a speech every time something happens istg

pop off we love besties and their sailing into dangerous territory ark love to see it

ep4 - now ik luffys kinda stupid( /pos) but why did no one think to bring food they where just with civilization

daym that green haired bartender is hot whoo 👀

??? tf is that bandits problem wtf???

noooooo not his fucking arm and baby luffys crying nooo 😭😭😭

luffy stolen by your local big ass bird while i still have no clue who this ginger girlie is and why she's looking for that map thing

ep5 - who is she?????

still dont know but shes annoying as hell

holy shit its hisoka if he wasn't a pedo

plsss let his hat tassels just be his hair coming through the hat it would be so funny

zoro!!!! the babygirl returns!!! 

oh fuck he’s got a flesh wound not great!!!

ep6 - mans is fr just sleeping it off damm

i get that the dog is probably some like plot device to move along nami’s backstory or something but like was the whack-ass-looking mayor necessary 

holy shit she thought he should have been dead after fighting the lion and proceeds to try to fight him bc pirates are all the same??? girlie pop get it together 

and that changes bc hes nice to the dog????? wtf????

ep7 - now why is the acrobat dude not wanting to get dirty but then fights and kicks a bloody wound??

zoro is babygirl and i love that he gets stabbed and just sleeps it off again

nothing has changed in the nami department still dont like her :/

rubber boy vs clown bitch whats gonna happen?!??!?

yasss shanks lore mayhaps

ep8 - awww itty bitty buggy and shanks 🥺🥺🥺

yeaaa kick him in the balls letsss gooo

nvm i love the dog now

yooo wack ass mayor is alive nice!

whomst is the long nose shadow???

ep9 - wait hes so cute i want to like squish him with a hug or something 

we stan usopp i’ve decided 

luffy and zoro continue to be little shits

and he goes to cheer up the sad rich girl 😭😭😭 i love him

who’s the tenya Iida wannabe

ep10 - ew i hate the butler why he push his glasses up like that

weird guy?? whys he walking backward 

oh shit he killed the parents and wants to kill rich girl!!!

there was so much going on in this one tf???

ep11 - look i love usopp but did he seriously think everyone would believe him now after all the times he lied ab pirates 

but also why are they going after him with pitchforks 

oh fuck he got shot

daym those cat pirates are ugly as hell

he lied to protect to kid henchmen 🥺

ep12 - the oil trick could have been so cool if it was at the right shore slope

luffy not knowing his directions is hilarious 

zoro pushed down the oil lmao

i love how upset nami gets over treasure 

ew the butlers back

ep 13 - wait the hypnosis actually did something tf??

just a general observation not even this ep but i hate that luffy just pops the whole apple in his mouth core and all

he just straight up grabs the fucking cat piece off the boat??!!?!!???

oh damm the other rich lady helper is alive

meowban brothers goofy as hell why do they look like that

i swear the butler, captain kuro just gets uglier every time i look at him

[weaponsdrawn]

HI i just remembered to respond to this FUCK ok so

I MASSIVELY AGREE with the binjpipe takes. i think ETS was good/iconic if only because it was so like. JARRING in a good way. but it was so lighting in a bottle tbh, and like u said it isnt rlly good horror. only rlly shocking if ur actually attached to cookie, which ppl are. cookie gets replaced by an AI tried to be ETS all over again, and it wasnt, and it kinda rlly showed, like you said, how they shine best with comedy. also I FULLY AGREE. fuck, im pretty sure its one of the reasons ive just grown tired of jackbox by now, both me and my gf (we met thru shared jackbox love), its bc every time binjpipe happened we were just like "THIS SHIT AGAIN?????" like it just made any sort of investment in it or hopes of cookie getting better just. feel so fucking moot. why bother getting invested if its just constantly going to get dragged back up. the "evil streaming service" joke is dead. its BEYOND dead. we havent even heard of the binjlady anymore. its lost any sort of omnious buildup. to me binjpipe's appeal was that it clearly wasnt going to last long. it was a nightmare that was just going to keep on ramping up until it crashed and burned horrendously, and fuck thats SO cool to consider and write about. but they keep dragging it out, and now its just sad. its boring. fucking. selling adult films?? give me a break.

ok about the party packs, HONESTLY SAME. like idk the writing is what really gets me about it tbh. i guess theyre good party games (tho i can get bored really fast, save for roomerang, and even so thats mostly bc of the goofyness of the responses), but YEAH youre so right. like idk if its because theyre ALSO doing the international translations but ithink it goes with the fact that the hosts severely lack character. when its like for some games, its ok if they dont have character (quixort), but its like that means theres A BALANCE. pack 8, ok? games like job job and weapons drawn, that CALLS for the hosts having character because its putting you in a situation WHERE the host is an active part of that situation. its like "wow im really in funny office" or "wow im really doing a murder!!!" right now, yknow? Push the Button, DODE was her own character and had noteworthy quips and she was a vital part of the games story/framing device! todd is iconic bc hes such a chill internet guy and then he sends you to hell! felicia is all morbidly romantic bc youre on a MONSTER DATING SHOW. a lot of the games stand out BECAUSE of the unique situations ur in that envoke unique prompts/unique gameplay, meanwhile something like fixytext? i dont know SHIT about the host. and its kind of a shame that the cannon jackbox lesbian host we have is SO FUCKING BORING GOD. most i can get is that shes introverted, but i gen cant tell if its genuine, if its some kind of "akward bacon unicorn moment! #millenial" type shit, what the fuck even really IS Fixytext at the end of the day. what makes it more than google docs shitposting simulator. its such a fucking shame, esp for the TENTH PACK. like god maybe they rlly do need to take a hiatus bc the change in. writing quality is. idk it just didnt help my dropping fixtation i'll say that.

also wait FR????? JESUS CHRIST thats actually a shame, i wanted to try and play that game!!! (namely bc funny objectum) and like. the ONE naughty pack exclusive host and we get NOTHING about her. i dont even like the fucking conch shell design im sorry. jackbox crew yall are great but how in this green unholy earth do you expect ppl to draw and remember your designs when your hosts are so. flat. fuck, mayonnaise, fucking M BUBZ, is more memorable than nickolas kranrker whatever and dr nanners and jerri, i cant tell you a SINGLE thing about jerri tbh. its such a shame. i want to love these guys i really do but theres nothing that endears them to me.

tbh if they end up not doing anything for ydkj it'll be funny in a kinda sad way tbh. on the one hand it'd BE nice on the other hand yeah its been nothing since full stream, eh. could they even do a YDKJ anymore? i remember once upon a time there was all this hype/discussion of a "ride 2" where the only real roadblock was that buzz's VA has well moved on from voice acting i think, but ppl had ideas for giving him a new voice, maybe even making it a transgender reason, all this stuff. this was like a couple of years back. but its like god i'd be shocked if they even remember guy exists at this point. or nate. hes sorta got a chance given his VA is literally a core part of the crew.

also i getcha. glad i could offer a space to let ya vent like that lawl

roomerang completely fucking fumbled with giving rue any sort of character we could've had a fun host we could've had that snark we could've had ANYTHING to match the sheer amount of swag in her design but we got BASICALLY NOTHING/very vague hints of character ("I'm beside myself... and I look good!" And "dramaaaa!!! :3") which is CRUMBS compared to even the most one note hosts like glargan o'toe or civic doodle's hosts and as petty as it sounds it's kinda the reason I fell out of love with current jackbox </3

.