#but i keep giving ppl the benefit of the doubt which i should stop doing

[honeyviscera]

anyways i'm literally right about everything ever <-the drama they were having with this one person at work was literally the other person being shitty and immature

[imwritingthefout]

A mask of my own face- the morning after

So this is basically a part two to a fic I made a couple of weeks ago bc ppl really liked the first one.

basically just more smut and a little fluff

as always this is the fic on ao3:

here's a link to the first part on tumblr:

part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning after, you woke up to Ford between your thighs. Your underwear was discarded somewhere between the covers, along with your sleep shirt and shorts. 

The second after you realised what was happening, the pleasure hit you all at once like a tidal wave. Your muscles stiffen from the surprise, a sleepy moan falls from your lips when you look down and make eye contact with Ford. He winks at you and keeps going at it, using his tongue to circle around your clit. He brings his fingers to the edge of your hole and starts entering you slowly. He curls his fingers inside of you and you go over the edge.

What a start to the day.

Afterwards, Ford heads down to make you some coffee as you lay, soaking in your orgasm.

Something was definitely different with him. You had never woken up to him doing that . It was weird, but strangely… enjoyable? You need to confront him soon.

You head down to the kitchen and see Ford with his back to you, looking at some paper you couldn’t make out from where you’re standing. You decide to approach carefully, wrapping your arms around his waist gently from behind.

He seems surprised, flinches a bit in your hold, but a second after he softens and turns around in your hold. “Hi honey, good morning. How did you sleep?” now that was weirder. What does he mean? You decide to give him the benefit of the doubt; maybe he just didn’t get to ask you earlier, feels bad about it, and now he’s pretending it didn’t happen in order to ask you without feeling embarrassed. 

Yeah, that's it. Nothing weird is going on, just Ford being Ford.

“Oh, I slept well. Woke up even better. What about you?” you got up on your tippy toes to kiss his cheek, then lean back to watch as his cheeks become pink. He hides his face in the crook of your neck. “Oh I slept… well. How about you?” 

You chuckle a bit at his mistake, take his face in your hands and kiss him again. Before you get the chance to lean back, to breath, Ford deepens the kiss. It becomes more hungry, he becomes more hungry for you. His tongue enters your mouth and plays with yours, licking at your teeth -which reminds you of yesterday- so you try to pull away, but he grasps at your hips, pulling you closer. 

His hands travel up your body (which you only now remember is naked) and he squeezes your breasts. You sigh at the feeling of his calloused hands touching you, the fire from earlier in the morning reigniting in your lower stomach. He begins kissing down your neck while mumbling into your skin “i wanna do it again”

You try to regain control over the situation “Ford i- i just-” he doesn’t listen and just pulls you up to sit on the counter. “Shhhhh” he silences you with another kiss, and travels his hand down your hips and to your thighs. ”Now let’s see what we can do” he pulls away and looks down at your pussy. This behaviour confuses you, but the way he puts three of his fingers into your hole shuts your thoughts right up. You moan at the sudden stretch, leaning your head back. 

As you lean your head back, you catch a glimpse of something else in his eyes for a moment. It reminds you of yesterday, and now without the glasses blocking them you can kind of see what's wrong with them.

They were yellow.

For a split second, the whites of Ford’s eyes were yellow, and his pupils were just black slits.

That was weird.

Really weird.

You can’t ignore it anymore, you have to stop this and confront Ford.

…..

But then he touches your clit harshly, making tight circles with his thumb. Maybe you should let this play out for a bit, get some more information in order to make an informed decision.

Yeah, that’s a good idea.

You sink into the feeling of pleasure threatening to take over your mind. Ford continues his assault on your cunt, taking his fingers all the way out before thrusting back in quickly. He kept this pace up for a while before biting at your neck, sending you over the edge for the second time today. You didn’t even have breakfast yet.

You catch your breath before looking down at him “do you want me to help you out with that?” you grab at the flannel pants he's wearing, which were now painfully stretched at his crotch to accommodate his tent. “Yeah. i would like that”

You take off his pants, jump off the counter and go down to your knees. He looks down at you in anticipation. You slowly place the palm of your hand on the underside of his cock, wrapping your hand around it, and start pumping him. He groans from the feeling and humps a bit into your hand. He laughs a bit when he feels the dry friction of your hand. You start licking at the tip of his member, running your tongue along his slit. He shudders underneath you, and bucks into your mouth, disregarding your teeth.

In fact, it seems as if he enjoys the feeling of your teeth scraping against his sensitive skin. You gag a bit, getting caught off guard, but quickly gain back your composure, starting to hollow out your cheeks as you move your head up and down his length. You experimentally let your teeth graze his skin, and hear him moaning loudly, he then grabs you by the hair and pulls you closer to him, making your eyes water. 

You decide to sink your teeth into his skin, only a little, and with that he cums into your mouth. You swallow it all -or, at least try to- and get up from the floor, your knees now aching from the cold linoleum. 

Without another word, you start making breakfast side by side. Every so often, you try to catch a glimpse of his eyes, checking to see if they’re normal, but nothing odd appears. You start to doubt yourself. What if you imagined it? You were in the middle of sex, maybe the endorphins running through your brain made you see something that wasn’t there? It was only for a moment, and you were pretty distracted, so maybe the light just caught your eye in a weird way and made it look like Ford’s eyes were yellow? The light in the kitchen is yellow so it kind of makes sense.

You were so deep in your thoughts you didn’t even realise you finished making breakfast. You took your plates and went to eat at the breakfast table together. You chatted about nothing, updating each other on some stuff you found out recently, but your mind kept drifting to yesterday. What did he mean when he said “you’re mine now ”. You’ve been together for a while now so it doesn’t make sense. In the moment you rationalised it as a weird kink, but now, with everything else, it just doesn’t make sense.

“What's with that look? Do I have something on my face?” you shook your head, mostly to try to get the thoughts out of your head. “No! No it’s nothing! I’m just… glad you’re having breakfast with me. I’ve been worrying about your eating habits” his face softens from concern to appreciation. “Thank you, but you have nothing to worry about. If you want we can go to lunch together, then you won’t have to worry about me forgetting to eat for today” you smile at him softly. “Yeah, i would like that” he holds your hand across the table, squeezes it a bit then gets up to go to his lab. “I’m going to continue to work. I’ll meet you back up here at two?” you get up to kiss him softly. He holds you gently, -nothing like yesterday or earlier this morning- and goes to the door that leads to the basement.

Well, now you gotta find something to do until two.

You start drawing in the living room, imagining Ford underneath you again. You decide to try to draw him from memory, how he looked focused on you, lost in thought at what to do next to make you moan his name. You continue the sketch as something pops into your mind.

What if you try to draw what you saw? Maybe Ford would be able to explain it? He was here to study weird things after all, maybe he would have a perfectly reasonable explanation to what you were seeing! You need to tell him. You finish up the drawing you were working on and flipped to the next page of your notebook, where you close your eyes and try to remember what his eyes looked like in that weird millisecond.

You start drawing the eyes as best as you remember, the weird shade of yellow they had, the peculiar slit of a pupil staring back up at you. You go to pick up your colouring pencils, but as you do you see the current time. 1:50 pm.

Oh god you need to get ready! 

You run upstairs to put on proper clothes and almost trip on the way downstairs to meet your boyfriend, who looks like he also got lost in his work and rushed upstairs to meet with you. 

You stand for a moment in silence, then both of you burst out laughing. Ford comes closer to you and pulls you into a hug, still laughing at the similarity between you two. “This is why I love you!” you laugh and sigh into his chest “i love you too”. you give him a peck on the cheek and lead him out of the door.

You’ll have to bring up what you saw at lunch, but until then, you’ll just focus on having a fun time at lunch with Ford. Everything weird can wait.

[rulerzreachf4n7]

Hi there! I would like to take a moment to point out a few flaws in your post. ^-^

1. No one is "normalizing" adult and minor relationships. The point of darkfiction is to explore problematic tropes safely without actually normalizing or hurting anyone!

2. You seem to misunderstand what "fiction" means. No one is implying minors should date adults in real life. Claiming that is false.

3. Trauma obviously doesn't excuse bad actions, everyone knows that! But there's nothing inherently bad about safely exploring niche kinks and themes isn't actually hurting anyone !

4. Implying people don't shower or are chronically online when you are yk, an avid social media user is a big hypocritical.

5. The girls in the slenderman stabbing with both later diagnosed with disorders on the schizo spectrum.. Yk the disorders that make it difficult to distinguish between fiction and reality. They were also young teens who should not have had access to that kind of media to begin with.

6. Going along with my last point, proshippers (at least those who aren't children) don't want minors in a space primarily made for NSFW and scary topics. We are not advocating for that. + most proshippers do generally say something along the lines of "view with discretion" because we're aware that yk.. this media could negatively effect people!

7. Just in general because I stopped properly reading the slop you posted. Pixels don't have feelings, real people do. So yk telling people to die is kinda mean LOL. You can't care to claim about the integrity of people and their feelings if you act like an entire group of ppl is subhuman

I'm giving you the benefit of a doubt that you're a kid. If so, do yourself a favor and get off the internet because its rotting your brain. And if you are an adult, you really need to act your age LOL. Very immature behavior.

Are you like...defending proshippers? First of all fucking disgusting as shit so who cares I'll share my opinions as well

Number one

Proshippers are normalizing adult x child relationships dumbass, they do it through fictional characters so they have the excuse to say "b-but the characters aren't real 😭🥺" as if that changes anything fucking dumb bitch, and as for darkship most proshippers aren't dark shippers as far as I've seen but that still doesn't mean that MAJORITY normalize abusive relationships, adult x child, and incest with siblings or parents

Number two

Like I said previously, proshippers do it through fiction so they can use the excuse that because fictional characters aren't real meanings it can't harm anyone which IS EXTREMELY JUST FALSE AND UNTRUE, I guess an example I can't use is porn comics using cartoons, sure they're using characters who are fictional characters and are ocs and sure they're not real but THAT DOESN'T GET RID OF THE FACT that they're SEXUALIZING characters which for most of the time from whatever cartoon they're getting it from ARE FUCKING MINORS, THAT IS LITERALLY CHILD FUCKING PORN and are making the adult and minor character for majority of the time NOT SFW THINGS

And if someone views it they have the idea from them and other dumbass proshippers that adults and kids ARE OKAY TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT THAT'S LITERALLY PEDOPHILIA

Number three

Exploring kinks at a young age IS FUCKING TRAUMATIZING FOR A MINOR, watching INAPPROPRIATE AND NSFW THINGS AT A YOUNG AGE LIKE PORN OR THINGS THAT INVOLVE KINKS IS SURE TO LEAD UP TO HYPERSEXUALITY, hypersexuality is when someone extensively has watched NSFW things and has had a LONG AND LASTING impact on their mind and has traumatized them so now they've basically turned to sexualizing themselves and becoming next time a porn addict, under NO FUCKING CIRCUMSTANCES should a MINOR EVER be exploring kinks EVEN IF ITS SAFE

Number four

Ima keep this one short and sweet since in assuming your a ugly ass proshippers, but the stereotype that "they don't shower" is based off proshipper beliefs and they're disgusting devotion to make everyone believe shipping minors and adults and literally every single bad and illegal thing is A OKAY, and people used the "proshippers don't shower" to symbolize that someone so focused on spreading borderline illegal and toxic beliefs dont take care of themselves

Also someone bekng avidly online doesn't mean they're stinky there's a difference between someone posting a lot and someone who posts to the point of neglecting their body's need to showering and brushing teeth ect

Number five

I'm not really sure how to go about this given I don't know very IN DEPTH about the case but just because someone has a mental illness doesn't excuse that those two girls literally killed someone...them having a mental illness doesn't change my view on how I perceive them, sure it gives me some what of a clearer understanding but at the end I don't really think we should just forgive in excuse of saying "b-but they have schizophrenia 🥺🥺🥺", and at the time when creepypasta was very popular kids their age, 12-13 presumably were very into it so yeah it wouldn't be weird that they liked things like slenderman or Jeff the killer

Number six

Out of everything that didn't happen that hasn't happened the most, although never being a proshipper I've been in some proshipping places unintentionally while scrolling the internet, proshippers don't give a fuck if you're triggered AT ALL, no warnings, no triggers, if you wanna be a proshipper then do it in fucking private and have some fucking self awareness, I do understand that most proshippers are around 12+ but at that age I've literally never been more self conscious and self aware than I am now? What's they're excuse? Just because they're "kids 🥺🥺" and they "dont know better 🥺🥺" isnt very valid in my eyes, they go on to spread they're problematic beliefs and get confused when they start receiving death threats and harassment as if they don't know the whole internet as they're asses out on banning them all

Number seven

Fiction can have an impact on reality, an example I'm gonna use is representation, I'm Hispanic and as a kid I've barely seen any character that looked like me, one of my favorite shows, the owl house, has a female lead that's Hispanic, her being that has an impact on reality meaning that, yes, there are cartoon characters that can look like you and are the same race as you, same gods for characters who or black or Asian and are mixed, same goes for character who are bisexual or lesbian/gay, are pansexual or on the asexual spectrum, was it hard to understand you basement dwelling bitch?

Number eight

If you're a proshipper please do it in fucking private, youre rotting your brain by believing these probelmatic and illegal beliefs over potential pedophiles and incest supporters on the internet, and yes I'll be cross tagging this as well cause I like seeing all these brain dead basement dwellers upset cause it's kinda funny but sad cause they have nothing to do with their lives other than spread hate and negativity to younger generations and groom them to be terrible people in the future

[pineappleparfaitie]

*inhales*

Reblog time.

Keep my name out your mouth.

Im sick of you frankly you should have kept your problems with Suzy i wanted to voice my opinions on why your callout was poor.

Im not here to fucking argue about ABLEISM you cant speak for every disabled person!Ive had a few who told me your points make no sense.

I cant repeat myself anymore because you cpildnt have bothered to text someone directly about your issues.

Shut up.

I have been giving you the benefit of the doubt in what world is saying "not the sharpest tool in the shed" IS NOT SAYING YOURE MENTALLY HANDICAPPED? it is saying you arent bright ??Its in the definition.

Stop just stop i am so done with you respect to adults?I habe 0 respect for most of them because a minor will assume their friends who aree over 18 wont be stupid and reblog shit from a kink blog. Of course a kid wont know any better you damnUGH.

Also please type more clearly about serious issues like this i make lots of spelling mistakes but using "y" instead of "why" makes it so difficult to read anything you say.

NSFW BLOGS CAN BE UPSET THEIR DNIS WERE NOT RESPECTED!THEY SHOULD!AS SHOULD WE WHEN THEY DONT RESPECT US! and turning off anons wont help some ppl got an ask from a acc called anit-vore which isnt anon.

Your logic makes no sense.I can control who i interact with. NOT.WHO.INTERACTS WITH ME!I CANT DO JACK SHIT IF A DUDE MAKES AN ALT JUST TO BE A FUCKING WASTE OF OXYGEN.

Violent fantasies??One comment is a fantasy? Dude oh man oh man oh man Ive heard so much worse . You must be one of those ppl with no Media literacy atp cause the red paste thing

Was Suzy saying shed turn someone into red paste for calling her a groomer for just interactinf with minors

Would kt be wrong if i said i want to turn a pedo into a pile of guts?Would it be wrong to say i want a politician to be disintagrated? Im using these in a better context then Suzy but arguably this comment is so dumb.

Oh and the r word i have 0 clue what your argument or rebutal was but

The r word is associated with mental r3tard@tion. Obviously and while some dont view it as bad , its commonly used against people with disabilities, people who have trouble learning and even neurodivergent people. First hand from many awful family members here. It would be ableism if someone knew you were disabled and called you that as an insult. If you use the word and someone isnt disabled it still carries the meaning of "im apsdociating you with people who are disabled because i believe they are lesser and im using them in my insult"

People can reclaim the wordx people who view it in a different light can do whatever they want i personally made my point with this assumption above.

If you want a further reply from me. DM ME. IM NOT WHAT YOU THINK SUZY WOULD HAVE BEEN I WONT YELL AT YOU OR THREATEN YOU. Heck give me your discord id be more then intrigued to see why you think this and whatnot.

But please let me end this here I should not have been here because i wanted to get my thoughts out on a serious situation made unserious by incompetent people.

anyway hi pine

Something they said about someone labeling them a groomer aka turning someone into red paste is no excuse to make a callout." absolutely no one called them a groomer, and that was also not the only reason why there was a callout post. they were just fantasizing about being violent towards a hypothetical person calling them a groomer

again expressing graphic violence against other ppl is generally seen as bad and weird

the sfw community is playing this down because they want to be able to interact with porn blogs without consequence, srry to say. the rules only apply when THEY feel hurt, not if they hurt other ppl

"If someone is caling your actioms stupid thats not ableist." calling someone an idiot is not calling their actions stupid, it is imposing ur view of them as someone who is disabled. words mean things. tinysuzy literally said she was "mentally concerned for my mental comprehension", seeing me as someone lower than her, that is NOT criticizing my actions, thats, again, the same as saying u think someone is mentally disabled. if u can explain why comparing someones negative actions to disabilities isnt ableism aside from "everyone does it" that would be an interesting read. using disabilities in negative language affects how u see disabled people, making those connected of disabled people as being something undignified and being OK to use for insults. it is entirely about demeaning someone u dont like or who made a mistake and comparing them to someone mentally disabled. this is wrong, dont u think? why or why not?

"If your disability made you sct poorly, its not an excuse its an explanation." i mean yeah obviously. no one is arguing this! ppl who act poorly as a result of their disabilities can still b talked to, or if it is severely life affecting they should seek support when possible!

",no one is targeting your disability they are targtting your actions" saying ur worried about someones "mental comprehension" is NOT targeting their actions! neither is calling them mentally lesser by saying they arent "the sharpest tool in the shed". that is just calling them mentally handicapped

turn anons off for a while. the threats i dont ever condone but u can easily prevent them and control how ppl interact with u. this seems to generally be a big issue with the community with ppl claiming they cant control who they interact with

"The nsfw blogs we interavted with as a result of us interacting eit rebloged posts can now use amo against this community. Its already happened." CHECK PPLS DNIS BEFORE INTERACTING WITH THEM EVEN IF ITS A REBLOG? this is not a community u can just interact with whoever u see whenever. u have to have basic respect for ppl especially adults. why wouldnt ppl with nsfw blogs be upset about this?

"Adults of this community, you may not like it but you need to look out for the younger memebers especially ones who follow and interact eit you. Its the same for every content creator with a young fanbase. You are no different." but u dont feel the same way about ppl who have nonsexual interests in other topics that ppl usually see as "fetishes" like feet/BDSM. y is that different here?

also again start talking to disability activists about using mental handicaps as insults. are u only saying it bcuz it feels right to you? and not talking 2 other ppl who have different perspectives on this? are u only relying on ur pov or in ur friend group for this or have u been researching? srsly connect with ppl ab this stuff. my pov on this comes from irl groups and friends and personal experiences

"If they use the r slur to you and know youre disabled, , invisble or visible - THAT IS ABLEISM!!" .........is it ok to use it if they arent disabled? what? or is it only ableism, but still not socially acceptable, if they use it on someone who isnt disabled? what is the implication there

anyway an archival of what im replying to cuz i figure its good to keep track of whos saying what in these convos

[jess-the-vampire]

honestly i’m not even sure i should be talking about it, i guess i just feel better to mention it then bottle it up to people who might be wondering

personal stuff under the cut

i’ve had some people recently try to send me moringmark comics, or link me to posts that he’s made and so on and so forth and  it’s cool and i appreciate it cause i love when people send me to new works and stuff.....i just wish i was able to really respond to them like i can with others.

mark blocked me guys, at least here on tumblr (Everywhere else i’m fine for some reason), i can’t view any posts of his and haven’t for awhile.

While we were friends a few years ago, but things have changed since i was helping him with his star vs comics.

back a few years ago when mark’s tumblr got randomly deleted, i was trying to contact him to make sure he was ok and nothing happened and all that and....ever since then he’s never spoken to me.

He kinda...ghosted me, and he has since then.

this was our last exchange:

I never got a reason why, one day we were talking fine and the next he was well....not speaking to me. I didn’t want to spam him so i would try again every few days, then weeks, then months....just with conversation starters....nothing accusatory, i just wanted to check up on him and everything.

I tried contacting him on other Sms and everything but i never got a response, and for awhile i thought maybe he was busy and i was kinda sorta bothering him so i gave him space and tried again months later.....and yeah, he never said anything.

i tried sending him apologies if i said something wrong, i tried asking if he wanted to talk and see what was happening, i was willing to accept if maybe i had said something hurtful and he no longer wanted to be in contact with me.

Because maybe i did at one point and if i did i wanted to own up to it to him because i liked being his friend and wanted to keep being his friend.

but as far as i can tell we had nothing but polite conversation with each other.

And after awhile it started to feel, at least to me, like he was purposefully shoving me to the side and ignoring me. First he stopped following me, then he had a whole comic about the art programs he was using which felt awkward to me because i was actually the person who introduced him to medibang 

not that i needed to be credited for it, obviously, i guess it just felt weird at the time when he mentioned how much he loved it and then just never mentioned i had been the one to introduce him to it. It only came off as weird as it did because i was being ghosted, i probably wouldn't have cared at all if we had been still in contact.

it kinda makes looking at any comics i ever do get to see of his surreal, because i think to an extent “i helped make this.”

I guess it hurts more now looking back, because now i just kinda feel.....used.

Because i never was told why i was being ghosted i’ve been just kinda left to speculate what i did, and sometimes when you’re left thinking like that your mind makes you wonder if he was never my friend in the first place.

or if i felt differently about the friendship then he did.

i helped with ideas for his star vs comics for awhile, got him into a new art program, then all of a sudden he just.....pretended i didn’t exist....it’s...y’know, sad and makes you think.

And it’s upsetting too because i had a very positive experience working with mark briefly, talking about the show and ideas for projects, when this happened i was heartbroken.

Also he never really finished that specific comic so i don’t know if i should be credited for the help exactly, i don’t know if he ever got to most of my ideas.

at most i helped him find artists and their ocs for him to draw and that was the biggest contribution i had that i can at least recall.

Point being tho, it felt hurtful to me, because of course it feels hurtful to feel like you made a friend and helped them and then they pretend you never existed.

But even after this had been happening for a few years i still was giving him the benefit of the doubt because i still wanted to think i was misinterpreting the situation and maybe i still am....

but when i found out he blocked me now as well, i gotta admit, i lost faith on that.....

i only mention all of this at all, because i used to say i really respected mark like a lot, as a creator in the star vs fandom, and that’s still not entirely gone either....but i have to admit....i’ve soured on him....a lot since this happened.

i don’t want anyone going after him or anything (Though i doubt he’d listen to it anyway he’s got so much on his blog it’d drown in the notes, but still, don’t), i just wanted to address why you’ve never seen his content on my blog despite us being friends awhile ago, why i barely talk about him, why i may sometimes get uncomfortable when he’s brought up.

it’s been pretty upsetting tbh, because friends turning on me is something i’m uncomfortably used to happening and it gives me serious anxiety about me being a bad friend or hurting ppl because i’ve had so much bad experience with friendships with rather toxic ppl.

honestly if mark showed up today in my dms and said something to me and why he did all this i’d probably forgive him if he had a reason and i was just being silly or something. But because of how limited the information is for me, i’m sadly left to think of the worst and there’s not much here making it any better.

he’s a very creative guy and he does deserve his following.

but as is, i just wanted to address that our relationship as friends has changed a lot since i talked about it last and why things may seem off these days so people can get a better grasp on what happened.

i feel it’s better i address it then not address it.

the guy doesn’t owe me anything, i just felt personally betrayed as a friend that i at least wasn’t given an explanation for him cutting our relationship how he did.

it is how it is tho, he may never contact me again, especially now that i know he blocked me, and it does make me sad tbh. I did like being his friend and i wish we were still friends, but this seems to be out of my control, he pushed me away and blocked me for whatever reason and i’ve just had to deal with it.

i’ve been trying to move on from it, i have not attempted to contact him in over a year at this point, but it’s hard to avoid thinking of it when he’s as popular as he is.

but i hope this helps give you all an understanding on things and why we don’t seem to be as close as we used to.

[shijiujun]

Hi! Is it okay to ask you for a small advice? I started reading Thousand Autumns recently (currently on chapters ~85-88) and I'm having a bit of a problem with Yan Wushi's character. I am so turned off by his behavior towards SQ for the whole novel up to this point and I just wonder - is it gonna get better...? I can't stand seeing him openly abusing SQ and treating him like shit, I'm sorry (1)

I know he's evil and it's expected of him to be bad but with future romance prospect I'm really struggling to like the relationship between him and SQ; and if in the first half of the novel I didn't expect big changes, now I keep hoping to see something different from him but I'm not seeing much. He keeps treating SQ horribly. I'm not sure if I can forgive him for what he's done and has no remorse whatsoever - (2)

- abusing SQ and manipulating him, using him as an experiment as if he's a toy to play with; selling him to a r*pist knowing he'll be tortured to death...! And after everything that happend I still barely see anything good in his attitude towards SQ. I can't help but think SQ deserves so much better. I suppose I should try to have some hope for the upcoming chapters to be better? Is it worth it to continue reading or nothing will change? Excuse me for writing so much, Thank you

---

Heya! Oooof okay so you’re totally valid, Yan Wushi isn’t like a character for everyone - so let me break it down with the first part and then the second part where his attitude turns for the better XD

Spoilers under the cut

Before SQ goes to save him:

Yan Wushi does have a goal which is to play mind games with Shen Qiao and (1) throw him into despair (2) try to see if Shen Qiao is a worthy opponent - sure, he’s an asshole with an agenda of his own. YWS doesn’t believe that there is any good in anyone - he thinks Shen Qiao is a hypocrite and that everyone will turn evil given the right circumstances, and so YWS doesn’t trust anyone, or even considers anyone as an equal to him.

He wants to see Shen Qiao become evil basically and does everything he can to direct him towards that but I’d say his actions (with two exceptions) fit his character and the two motives above pretty well and I’m not sure I’d count it as abuse (based on my understanding of abuse, feel free to disagree). I think it’s easy to forget that Shen Qiao is not delusional or naive or ‘innocent’, and he does not paint YWS as some saviour or a friend (at least in the beginning) - he knows who YWS is, knows that he’s insane, not compassionate, totally evil etc. even from the start the moment he realizes that YWS and his disciple lied to him.

1. He lies to Shen Qiao that he’s his shizun, and then sends him to kill someone, but he’s not there to enforce it

2. Throws him out on the streets without his memories, but Shen Qiao is anything but a weak youngling, once again, YWS doesn’t do anything to him

3. YWS turns up at the temple and has Shen Qiao read the scripture - SQ’s not sure what’s going on at first but he more or less figures it out, but also the scripture reading inadvertently helps to heal him (and YWS knows this)

4. YWS flirts with Shen Qiao for a reaction for a while, he’s not genuine of course, but Shen Qiao knows he’s not genuine

5. YWS doesn’t help Shen Qiao out when he’s faced with an opponent while he’s still injured just to see how long Shen Qiao can hold out for - but firstly, Shen Qiao never really expected him to help in the first place, because he has no delusions about the man - and YWS ends up helping anyway, of course not out of the kindness of his heart, but I don’t see why I should hold that against him XD

6. Stands by and watches as Shen Qiao and his shidi Yu Ai have their confrontation - Sure, he’s there to watch the drama, but it’s Shen Qiao who makes the decision to go with him - the lesser of two evils

7. Forces Shen Qiao to fight him while he’s still injured because he wants to see if Shen Qiao’s recovery level has reached a certain point, enough to be an adversary worth dealing with - yes, he’s forcing Shen Qiao to fight when he’s still blind and weak, but throughout the fight you realize that YWS is right - it’s that very battle that basically lets SQ recover his previous abilities by a bit. He’s not hurting SQ for the fun of it (out of sadism or shit) - he purely (or evil-ly) wants to know if SQ is every bit of the skilled warrior he’s heard about 

The exceptions are these: (1) When he plants the demonic seed thing in his heart (2) When he trades SQ to Sang Jing Xing for his sword, knowing full well that SJX has a habit of sexually torturing his prisoners - I feel like YWS was almost warming up to SQ when his habit of distrust and everything kicked in and he reverted back to his cynical self - Not an excuse for what he did though, because yes Shen Qiao especially didn’t want the demonic seed thing firstly (and YWS knows this), and then he despaired at being left to SJX. This is the incident that has SQ basically give up on YWS and allows him to erase any notion of him ever becoming friends with YWS. I’m also rather curious how exactly SQ kind of like got over this - but in the settings of the book, I guess it’s explained away with (1) SQ actually fully recovering as a result of this incident (2) SQ has a big heart, and forgives YWS after - but whether or not that’s convincing, that’s up to every reader.

After SQ goes to save him:

1. So after the SJX incident - where he chose to self-destruct and die, taking SJX along with him but ended up surviving and being able to cultivate properly again from the start (previously he couldn’t because he could only recover to a certain extent as there was some blockage etc., but the blast in this incident clears the blockage) - and after he’s sort of recovered like 50-75%, he hears of an ambush on YWS by the leaders of like 5 other sects, and decides to go forward to save him 

2. Not because he harbours any like delusions on YWS, but to show him that despite all YWS has done to him (especially with SJX), SQ is still SQ, and he still adheres to his own principles, that YWS did not make him change his mind about being good basically

3. YWS’s views of him starts to change because of this - YWS has never found someone with this much grit to stick to his own principles etc., to still be kind and righteous basically despite being betrayed again and again. Of course this does not excuse the fact that YWS did indeed deliberately leave him to a potentially painful death with SJX - and SQ doesn’t forget either. 

4. SQ saves YWS, and then his heart melts because while YWS is recovering from the ambush, he has two other personalities that show up - so YWS when he was much younger, then YWS when he was a teenager, and YWS now. So YWS as a kid and teen are more trusting and open, and SQ likes kid YWS a lot (like as kid brother), and now-YWS wakes up occasionally from the switch in personas, he realizes that SQ likes kid-YWS and starts thinking about why SQ hates him and likes his kid self.

5. Even then, YWS still does try to jump ship once and leave SQ and other evil people behind in a dangerous cave, but thankfully teen/kid-YWS personas fight to turn up in time, and then YWS goes back for SQ

6. SQ knows this - he doesn’t think YWS has had a sudden change of heart or shit, and knows full well that if it was now-YWS, if kid-YWS didn’t turn up, he would probably be left to think about how to leave the cave on his own

7. YWS’s behaviour towards SQ does a 180 - now that he knows he cannot sway SQ, he starts to listen to SQ, and despite all the barbs on the surface, even if he disagrees with SQ’s positive outlook, he makes an effort to contribute and consider SQ’s opinion even if he doesn’t, intrinsically, believe in it. Starts putting himself in front of SQ, and of course SQ doesn’t believe this all the way to the end, where he realizes that he actually, just that tiny little bit, has started liking YWS and doesn’t want him to die.

8. Then they confirm their relationship in the extras, and YWS does do that hot-and-cold thing once so SQ figures out his feelings for him properly - It’s SQ that initiates the confirmation at the end I think

---

I think at some level, YWS cannot stand how naive Shen Qiao is, and some of the things that he’s leading Shen Qiao to think about/discover are valid - And throughout the book it’s proven true - SQ is kind to Chen Jing, but Chen Jing sells him out (not just once but thrice). He’s kind to and has always doted on Yu Ai, but Yu Ai sells him out too. The elders in his sect - some of them obviously turned to Yu Ai over him despite SQ never having given them reason to doubt him. I don’t think YWS is being deliberately cruel (or abusive) - he’s forcing SQ to look at reality, a reality that YWS sees and lives in.

He always asks Shen Qiao why he trusts others so easily, and afterwards, Shen Qiao does admit that YWS is right in this aspect - he won’t give up his ideals and how he gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but through YWS, he realizes he needs to be able to think ahead to protect himself and the ppl around him.

Doesn’t excuse the SJX thing YWS did, and I’m sure SQ doesn’t conveniently forget about that either, but in terms of how/why they got together, I guess it’s because despite everything they do know each other best, and are soulmates (tho not only in the sugar-spice-and-everything-nice way i.e. SQ does think YWS is handsome and YWS thinks SQ is the cutest thing ever later). SQ has seen the worst of YWS, and YWS has seen the worst of him - and SQ is made to realize that what he was before was not the best path he could go on because of YWS, but he adjusts his attitude slightly and holds on to his ideals sufficiently. 

On the other hand, YWS still does not believe everyone except his Ah Qiao can truly say they’re good and keep to it in every way, still thinks the worst of a lot of people if not all, but he stops to consider SQ’s POV and input now, whose opinions and every action now mean more to him than anything else ever will. Of course he has to prove himself and earn SQ’s trust back, but I guess he also doesn’t expect SQ to reciprocate, even after he developed feelings for SQ, knowing full well that he’s a mofo and SQ has every right to hate him after all he did.

They don’t fix each other, they’re not each other’s salvations, but they fit and come sort of to a truce, despite having differing views and principles.

Manipulation? Sure, but I think we forget that Shen Qiao is not a victim (except the part where he’s given to SJX) and his agency in every situation is apparent - He’s pretty clear-minded, he knows what Yan Wushi is doing, knows what his character is like, knows that he’s doing/saying things all to get a reaction out of him. He doesn’t expect YWS to help him either, because he knows YWS is here for fun and games. He doesn’t go along with YWS just because, either. He just made a wrong call by trusting that YWS reciprocated his feelings of friendship (not that it’s his fault at all), but that is certainly a moment of weakness he probably regrets.

---

In summary, I personally wasn’t all that put off by YWS’s behaviour, altho I agree the SJX incident is pretty much unforgivable. For me I read this more from the SQ perspective, because his strength shines in every moment and interaction with YWS and overshadows YWS by a lot, which is why the end makes sense to me.

In response to your question - yes YWS does get better when he’s finally totally convinced that SQ is not a hypocrite (although yeah it takes him a while to get there). And for me it’s nice to see Shen Qiao figure out himself, and also his feelings for YWS after, but also never once compromising himself for YWS.

But YWS is definitely less palatable than most other characters in danmei, so it’s natural if you dislike him and remain unconvinced! It happens XD If you hate this, I suggest you try Wu Shuang! Set in the same universe and timeline, and actually doesn’t have much angst - full on bantering between the main CP, constant veiled insults etc.

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[golbrocklovely]

So Shea liked comments saying her & C are together and speaking negatively against Amber. She also liked video edits of A's pic crossed out and hers with a checkmark.Ppl called her out and she went on a SnC groupchat and apologized there saying she likes everything w/out reading yet ppl caugh her lie cause she didnt like tweets saying her n C are just friends.Amber reacted & then Shea blocked so many ppl who kept pulling receipts of her hating on Amber.

dear lord... not again lol

okay, so like i've had this discussion before about shea. and i looked into this whole thing you described anon, bc i saw none of it on my tl on twitter since no one i follow was talking about it.

i've had another anon come to me in the past and say that shea has liked stuff dissing other girls that are friends of colby and i want to give the benefit of the doubt and just believe that maybe she likes stuff without realizing it... but even if that is 100% the case: shea, you are way too old to just like everything you see lol

like me and her are close in age. i'm not gonna like every reply i get without reading it first. and like, i saw the post she had liked on twitter and it clearly at the end says something rude about amber... it's not hard to miss.

but it does seem apparent that she just likes every reply she gets on tweet which is fine, but maybe she should start paying attention bc ppl respond with things saying she is better than other girls colby is friends with and liking those types of tweets just seems hella petty.

and as you mentioned, if you go thru her likes it doesn't seem she likes stuff that says her and colby are friends, but that they're dating or soulmates. and... i just don't get it.

colby has made it abundantly clear that he is not in the mood for a gf or looking for one rn. i don't get why he would continuously allow for her to keep liking post that say otherwise. i mean, obviously she can do whatever she likes. but we, as a fanbase, are getting two different messages here. colby says he's single and not looking, shea says she's taken and alluding to the fact that her and colby are together. it can't be both unless this is all some elaborate prank on us which i highly doubt.

look, i like shea. but this doesn't look good for her. or for colby really. i hate to say it, but liking post about him and her being together and all this stuff makes her look like she's obsessed with colby and he doesn't care about her. and i know that is not true and i don't think she is some obsessed girl. but literally... colby hasn’t mentioned her in years. she talks about him a lot, both in her lives and in her likes, and it just makes her look obsessed with him. or that he's an asshole ignoring someone that he's apparently with.

both of them need to come out and clear the air. or at least stop talking about whatever their relationship is. i know at the end of the day it isn't really our business to know, but them clearing the air for good would help sort out a lot of unnecessary drama.

[demon-lord-bleh]

Sylvain HCs

this ended up much longer than i originally thought, so for the sake of your dash the rest is under the cut

(original post for reference)

He’s smarter than he lets on

Sylvain is certainly a casual, care free kinda guy, but don’t let that fool you

He is by no means stupid

While he’s not the smartest person academically, his strengths are intra-personal and interpersonal (knowing himself and knowing others)

He’s actually rather observant, and he picks up on a lot of subtle things others may not notice

He’s not really a schemer or a plotter, but nobles who think they can easily manipulate him are mistaken

maybe he won’t notice Caspar trying to prank him but nobles trying to manipulate him?

he’s on to them before they can get two words out

As the heir of the Duke of Gautier he has to be (at least somewhat) vigilant, and a lot of people forget that

He likes to give ppl the benefit of the doubt, but he’s not a doormat

He doesn’t try to hide his sharper side, but he doesn’t broadcast it either

Nonetheless people are always surprised when he says something profound

Sylvain is of the opinion that it’s better to be kind than intelligent

while he can’t really live by that philosophy as an heir, he does try to integrate it into his life

do not mistake his kindness as naïvety

He doesn’t really care if others underestimate him

he knows his own worth and has confidence in his skills

Sylvain, quite literally, cannot take the heat

he’s from Faerghus aka “the frigid north”

not only that, but he’s from Gautier, which is as far north as you can go in Fódlan

He’s also the type to whine about how hot it is

“If it’s cold I can put on more layers, but what am I supposed to do if it’s hot? Peel off my skin?”

Says he’s dying whenever he works up a sweat from heat alone

Most ppl tune him out now, but they still keep an eye on him because:

The first time he was training at Garreg Mach he passed out from the heat

He’s the type to still wear shorts in November

Thinks 50°F (10°C) is warm

He can’t flirt for his life

He comes off as cool and unflappable, but he’s actually really easy to fluster

Flattering others?? He’s all good. Pretty people flirting with him???

It’s all over

he’s stammering, floundering, and walking into doors

sure, he’s charming, but when it comes to someone he really likes?? beyond early infatuation??

he’s what the kids call “a mess”

(the kids being Ashe & Annette)

He tells the other Blue Lions about it and they laugh

And they tell him to just do what he usually does

But he physically cannot

now, all of that isn't to say he’s being dishonest when he flirts with ppl normally

He does genuinely like those people, and would probably be thrilled if they reciprocated

But most ppl he flirts with are more along the lines of passing infatuations rather than full on love

Sylvain is the Big Bro of the Blue Lions

This is basically confirmed but still

Reliable in a pinch, but otherwise shouldn’t be trusted to watch the kids

Constantly teases Ashe and sometimes Annette

nonetheless he’ll knock it off if he notices they’re not up for it

Him, Ashe, and Annette are not to be left alone together because bad things happen

Together they are chaos personified

Sylvain is a casual enabler “I’m sure it’ll be fine let’s just do it”

Annette is all too willing to try out crazy ideas

And Ashe is either too curious to stop them or entirely on board

All of which adds up to a mess the rest of the blue lions have to fix

The end result is Sylvain isn’t allowed to babysit alone anymore

(Ashe and Annette maintain that they don’t need babysitters but they still get into a lot of trouble on their own)

Sylvain can also be the protective older bro, tho

Someone’s picking on Ashe? Only I can do that

Some boys giving Annette trouble? They better think the fuck again

Ashe and Annette like going to Sylvain with their problems cause he won’t make a big deal out of it

Sometimes Annette doesn’t want to worry Mercedes over something “trivial” so she goes to Sylvain

Dimitri would take the issue into his own hands, but Ashe just wants someone to rant to so he goes to Sylvain

Or, Ashe knows he made a mistake and doesn’t want a lecture, so he goes to Sylvain

The three of them have an unspoken agreement where they can talk about some problems and keep it between them unless it’s really dire

Sylvain’s relationship with his brother can go one of two ways:

Sylvain and his brother have a good if not distant relationship

His brother regards him with exasperated fondness

this is my idiot brother and i love him even if i want to strangle him sometimes

he won’t stand other nobles shit talking his lil bro

They don’t see each other too often, but they will send letters updating the other on their life

Sylvain talks about his crush of the week and his brother tells him not to bother the poor person too much

Sylvain always feigns offense, but quickly moves on to something new he learned

“Did you know people in Adrestia go swimming for fun? Guess they have to escape the heat somehow”

(hc that ppl in Faerghus learn how to survive falling in ice water but don’t really do much swimming)

Or

Sylvain and his brother have a strained/one sided relationship

His brother low-key resents Sylvain for taking what should have been his

he tries not to take that out on Sylvain, but as he grows older and more bitter it becomes harder and harder

Meanwhile Sylvain always looked up to his brother

Especially when he was younger

They might not have gotten along all the time, but Sylvain really respects his big bro

They still exchange letters but his brother is less enthusiastic, and takes longer to reply

Sylvain notices the tension, but just puts it up to the distance between them, thinking it’s only natural after not seeing the other for a long time

And finally, the crack hc:

Sylvain & Ferdinand are cousins

Yes, this is because they have the same face and a cavalier vibe going on

But in all seriousness maybe their mothers are sisters

Or maybe Ferdinand’s father and Sylvain’s mother are siblings (or vice versa)

Political marriages and all that

[kseniainneverland]

DESCENDANTS 3 - REVIEW

WARNING! SPOILERS UNDER THE  CUT, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE!! from this point onwards, reading is on your responsibility. you have been warned.

Alright, Descendants 3, where to begin with this...

First off, thinking that this is Cameron Boyce’s last movie ever, it makes me feel very sentimental and sad and I hope that the movie would’ve done him justice more. But I’m afraid that  while it was a cute and aesthetically pleasing movie, that is about it.

After watching it a couple of times now, I have one word for D3: clusterfuck. I’m not going to lie. D1 was great, D2 was good but D3 wasn’t really the ending this saga deserved. NOW KEEP IN MIND that I haven’t read the books and I personally think that the movie still should take time to explain things. Plus the books came after the first movie anyway so...

In a nutshell, the plot is inconsistent, the movie is rushed and lot of the character development (save from Mal’s and Audrey’s) is pretty much murdered and just ditched away. 

Beginning with a song like (Good to Be Bad) like every Descendant movie, it gives the movie the energy that it lacks towards the end. The VK’s choose Smee’s sons, Celia and Dizzy to come to the Isle and return to Auradon, only to get them after giving them time to pack their things.

Next thing we see, Ben and Mal are getting ready to embark to the Isle with the VK’s. They stop in front of the Beast statue though and Ben sings (short acoustic verse “Did I Mention”) to Mal, then proposing to her. Audrey is not pleased but hey she’s back and damn she’s rocking that hair! 

Now this is where things go a bit off the rails. I understand Audrey still holding resentment to Mal even though at the end of D1 she seemed to be amicable with her so - what’s the dealio Audrey? Of course we can assume that her resentment grew back during D2 - the movie she wasn’t in. Her grandmother is there and basically gives Audrey shit cause she lost Ben to Mal (like wth is it with this hatred from grandma, chill out lady...).

Mal, Ben and VK’s go to the Isle and while they’re leaving back Hades tries to break out and use his ember but Mal fights him (as a dragon) and gets him back inside. In Auradon, Audrey sits in her room and embraces her darkness (”Queen of Mean”, one of the best songs in my opinion, holy shit), stealing the Queen’s crown and Maleficent’s staff turning to Dark!Audrey and suddenly possessing magic and knowing how to use it without any training? Okaaay, shady much? I mean it could be the staff also controlling her so I’ll give the benefit of a doubt here.

Alright so Hades tried to get out, Mal makes the hard decision to shut down the barrier forever with Ben after reasoning with him and feeling guilt for possibly endangering Auradon. Cut to Evie’s little cottage-manor, Audrey pays Mal a visit, cursing her to turn into a hag. That kind of didn’t really serve a purpose in anywhere else than maybe Audrey’s mind if she thought that Ben wouldn’t love her? Idk man. Anyway, Mal can’t reverse the spell because “there’s nothing that can reverse the staff’s spell”. Oh but waaait....

The VK’s decide to get Hades’ ember, going to the Isle and suddenly Mal turns back again because dark magic doesn’t work in the Isle. So... Mal/VK’s just forgot that? I doubt it because they did live there for such a long time. Oh well, moving on. Celia is with them cause she runs errands to Hades. Meanwhile in Auradon, Jane’s having her birthday party and Audrey crashed it, cursing everyone asleep. Except Jane cause she jumps into the Magic Lake - again something that can reverse the staff’s spell that is supposedly non-reversable? Did anyone actually fact-check the script, I wonder... And well - she takes Chad with her. Oh the loyal, dumb puppy.

Alright back to the Isle, Celia gets the key and we meet Dr. Facilier shortly, he’s actually a nice man (oh and btw so was Dizzy’s grandmother aka. Cinderella’s stepmother before too...) which I have kind of hard time imagining BUT nonetheless I kinda like it? They get out and find Harry + Gil and couple other pirates stealing their bikes (same kind Mal took to the Isle in D2) and run after them. Celia and Mal go to Hades’ lair. 

They find Hades napping, but then he wakes up, Celia trying to distract him so Mal can get the ember. But whoops, he grabs Mal’s hand. And then we learn something shocking! (not really) “Hi Dad.” Oh well look at that, Hades is Mal’s dad. Even though I recall that in the first movie it was said to be a human male? But then again, makes sense why Mal has such great magical powers. They argue and get a nice rock’n’roll duet together (”Do What You Gotta Do” and boy I’m fawning over Cheyenne Jackson’s voice!). Celia kinda does background “ooh”s which is... so weird really. Like why?

I’m not gonna lie, I kinda enjoyed the bickering chemistry between Hades and Mal as father and daughter. He clearly cares about her but tells her that her mother was not an easy person to be with and he never stayed in contact with Mal. Now this is about everything that we learn about their relationship. Mal has a certain resenment at him but Celia reveals that Hades being her father explains him asking about her. Mal tells her that Evie is the only one that knows.

Meanwhile in Auradon, Audrey visits Ben making him an offer to make her his queen again but he thinks she’s under a spell and Audrey realises he doesn’t care about her. She uses magic to turn Ben into a Beast and also turns Fairy Godmother running towards the Museum to get her wand into a statue (not shown how she made that happen really... but later on we see that she can apparently see ppl in the staff u know, like a CCTV kinda thing).

VK’s get back to the portal and when they cross over, Harry and Gil do too. They try to stop them and in the midst of it the ember drops to the water (spoiler: if it gets wet, it stops working). Uma catches it and then turns back into human. They strike a deal when Mal makes a promise to let any of the VK’s that want to get out of the Isle, get out. 

So Uma, Harry and Gil are now going to Auradon with the VK’s to help them. Kinda reluctantly. Gil gets all pumped up for fresh food and all which is kinda cute x’D And Harry ofc is trying to steal money from a sleeping student but Jay stops him. Dude is awake though and tells the VK’s what happened. They go to look for Ben and go to his castle, eventually finding the walls clawed and end up in a fight between some armors that Audrey controls (”Night Falls”). 

Eventually they beat Audrey together and almost celebrate. But not quite cause they are enemies. Evie is trying to play the middleman, suggesting an icebreaker game which doesn’t really take off. But props to her for trying. Also I should say that she suggested trying to be friends when they met Uma, Harry and Gil at the entrance to the Isle.

After the fight they split up - the boys go into the woods trying to find Ben while the girls go search Audrey’s room and Uma finds her diary where she mentions the fairie’s cottage. Then the girls go back to Evie’s where they found Smee’s twins and Dizzy sleeping as well as Doug. Evie tries too wake him up but can’t (duh, he’s under a spell). Uma’s all like “he’s under a spell. is she not a fast learner?” and Mal tells her that Evie’s emotionally involved. Which brings us to the ah so sweet - true love’s kiss (”One Kiss”). But Evie is unsure cause they haven’t used the L-word yet. When did Evie become so insecure though? She has been super confident throughout the series even though imho her storyline with Doug has NOT gotten the moment in spotlight it deserves. But wait, she kisses him after the song and he wakes up! Aww so it is true love. Bitches I wanted to see more of them before this bc they’ve been in the background (also can I mention that Doug has turned into like a young Nicholas Cage clone with his long hair and all and dam he’s cute!).

The boys find Ben, now in beast form and trying to kind attack them (and failing adorably) when Carlos calms him down and takes a splinter from his paw (i mean... he has paws now?). Kinda reminds me of Tinkerbell and the Neverbeast when Fawn took a splinter from the Neverbeast’s paw :’D Anyway, back to the story. Then Jane arrives with sort of a hose, getting Ben all wet with the water from the Enchanted Lake and he turns back too human - except he has a little beard/stubble and kind of fangs? Also Carlos and Jane meet again and are all cute together. Harry tries to make a move on Jane but Carlos literally blocks him, lol.

Back to Evie’s. Mal and Uma are talking when suddenly boards start covering the house. Audrey’s magic has gotten stronger cause Mal can’t reverse it alone but when Uma joins in with her shell, they manage to beat it, making Audrey angry. 

They build up a plan and Gil, Doug and Jane go look for the Fairy Godmother while the other’s go to the Fairie’s cottage, finding Chad locked in a closet. They walk out and then comes the moment of truth. Evie tells Ben that Uma + the pirates joined them cause Mal promised that the kids from Isle can come to Auradon. She reveals that she lied to everyone, making her friends mad. Celia takes the Ember, throwing it into a pool of water. Uma and Harry leave. Evie faces Mal, who obviously feels awful and her friends are mad at her. Then poof, they’re turned into stone. Mal sings what is - I assume - the song to build up her confidence/self-searching (”My Once Upon a Time”) and confronts Uma asking for her help to beat Audrey. But Uma turns her down even after she tells her that she saw the good in Uma - that she really cares.

Next we have Celia calling for help cause Audrey has her on top of one of the towers. Mal turns into a dragon, trying to battle Audrey but can’t do it on her own. Uma and Harry happen to come back and Uma’s suddenly like “she can’t do it on her own, i’m here girl, i’m here” forgetting that Mal totally lied to them and kinda screwed them over and helping her igniting the ember again. With the help from the ember, she beats Audrey. Everyone is awakened, except Audrey who’s fading away after being hit back with the magic. Mal can’t wake her up even with the crystal and tells Ben, Beast, Belle and everyone else in the room that Hades could. While they doubt it, Mal tells them that he’d do it - for her, he is her father after all. Ben is a bit shocked but sends guards to get him from the Isle.

He’s brought to the Castle in shackles and he works his magic, waking Audrey up. She apologises to Mal and then Mal apologises to her as well as Ben and then Audrey’s grandma apologises to Mal. It’s an apologyfest, and all is fine again. Yay? Hades is escorted back to the Isle and has a nice little moment with Mal, giving her the ember. Celia, Uma, Harry and Gil also go back to the Isle. Mal and Ben attend their engagement party and she surprisingly declares that she can’t be the Queen of Auradon - she can’t turn her back to the Isle. So in conclusion of a long speech, they open the barrier (even though the Beast is against it but Ben shushes him :D) and Mal becomes the Queen of Auradon and the Isle. (”Break This Down”) The people from the Isle (with Uma’s leading) notice this too and meet some of Auradon’s people halfway and have this big closing number with lost of  dance and singing.

And then people rejoice. Gil and Jay seem to have sparked a friendship. Harry brings comedy to the scene being like “so she’s deeeefinitely taken?” bout Mal, then trying to make a move on Evie and finally Uma who’s not having it. And then Harry ends up dancing with Audrey. Okay, seems legit. Then there’s Hades, being happy for Ben and Mal (and also giving Ben the “i’m watching you eyes”). They dance into  the palace yard (or somewhere) and the scene cuts to the core four, staring at the passageway to the Isle, apparently to go meet their parents (cause they didn’t come to Auradon?) and the end credits roll.

ALRIGHT.

Plotwise yes, it’s a clusterfuck. The whole movie is very rushed, it’s like they tried to include too much things. Like said, at the end of D1, it seemed that Audrey and Mal were somewhat civil, then Audrey was spending some time in the fairies cottage/seven acres woods/something like that in D2 and we didn’t see her at all. Suddenly she’s all hateful and resentful again and her grandmother is being a total jerk to her. Whole turning into evil happened almost right after the movie opened so there was no proper lead to it really. Nothing to explain WHY Audrey went back to resenting Mal and Ben and Auradon.

Then Mal’s father. Alright, pretty much everyone knew by now that Hades was gonna be Mal’s father even though I recall that in the first movie or somewhere else it was said that it was a human male. What happened in their past could’ve and more so SHOULD’VE been dug into a little more cause Mal is resentful at him for not being around - but why wasn’t he around? Why didn’t he call her? After all, he had been asking about her from Celia so obviously he does care for her.

The other VK’s were even more pushed to the side than before. I do get that Mal is kind of the lead here, but they did kind of sideline their character development. The other VK’s were in such minor roles I could easily say that they might as well be taken out altogether. Evie tried to be a peacemaker, she gets a few lines in couple of songs and one song to herself. Her character has also been very confident and craving for love, kind of seducing Doug in the first movie and making him accidentally jealous in D2 and suddenly she’s insecure? Yeah, love can be scary sometimes but of all the characters I just don’t see it characteristic to Evie to suddenly become uncertain of herself in the terms of love. Jay’s more like acting as a guide to good to Gil and Harry for the time being and Carlos is just being his adorable self. Still can’t believe there was no Jarlos kiss! (also he got Jane a pendant saying “Jarlos” as her birthday gift, how adorbs!)

The main problem is that there isn’t really a proper climax in the movie. It starts off god and then falls flat on it’s ass. May I also point out that not ONCE in these movies have Mal and Ben had a duet together - yes they’ve shared songs but also with other people in them - and they are the “true love” couple after all which is a bit disappointing. I mean Ben has been kind of put into thee background in the movies too - and in this last one even more so, whenever the core four have been side to side. But even in the last movie - since they’re engaged after all - I was surprised that when they opened the barrier, Jay was next to Mal (as well as Evie), squishing her hand and her leaning into him. In the end Ben is the king and Mal’s fiancee so in my opinion, he should’ve been next to Mal, not behind her (as much as I do love Mal). And I mean I was also waiting that the other VK’s would’ve met their parents too. But no. Disappointment. 

In a nutshell D3 is a movie about Audrey being a resentful brat and turning dark, introducing Mal’s dad pretty shallowly adding pretty much nothing into her story arc or character development. Except her forgiving her father pretty fast. Too much is trying to be fitted into 1hr45mins. Mal and Hades could’ve had their own movie working it out. Audrey could’ve had a thorough build up to what led her to the dark path.

Aesthetically it’s very pleasing and I enjoyed the music and I do love the cast. The end was kind of bittersweet and the whole movie was a bit unreal once you know that Cameron is no longer with us (rest in peace). So this is and end of and era. Despite this honest and well - unfiltered - review I thank the cast and crew of Descedants  from the bottom of my heart that they have brought these  movies to us.

Long live the VK’s!

[birupulmeo1983-blog]

Early on, during that time period, I had stopped by my Dads for a visit. He's a farmer, and wanted help moving a hay elevator. A very large, very heavy, and the case of his bale elevator, very ancient, piece of farm machinery. I am so glad you are holding firm on your boundaries. You clearly see right through her; honestly she's the type of person who said NEVER be given the benefit of the doubt. All of my alarm bells are going off over her treatment of DD. It only six pages. If the limit for whatever the short is for is five pages, then yes, it too long, but other than that, it doesn really ever matter. If it good, but a hundred pages, people will read it. I had the baby, I was like these are the same people that made fun of me and posted the stories that were so awful, calling me fat for something I couldn control. I don want to smile for them. Who suffers from severely dry skin on her face and legs, is set to use a new surrogate for her fourth baby with husband Kanye West.. It has absolutely made it difficult to relate to most people and their struggles because my experience was just so different. It helps to remind me that someone else's worst might not compare to mine but it's still the worst to them. Just like others have had it worse than me but that doesn't invalidate what I went through.. I think it depends on the history of the brand. Years of this crap and suddenly they change their tune 성주출장샵 I wouldn buy it. Also, I do think people can change (to a point), but it different with businesses because you got a line of employees who are giving the thumbs up on something like this. The only stated archdevil is Zariel and she is really tough (CR 26). I imagine the other archdevils would be around her power level (?) with the exception of Asmodeus, who depending on your setting and time period, might be a god. Tiamat was CR 30 but honestly, I think gods should be higher than that, but that just me. Seems like people are more pissed that the movie reviews flopped than this joke. Since the nature of the joke is to explain why the movie isn doing well.The best part about all of this, is your overly sensitive, demands for PC responses, kind of is why the movie seems to get bad reviews. If you stop putting a PC, feminist narrative into the movie and focus on the actual movie and what makes the comic great you get a good movie.t0beyeus 1 points submitted 1 day agoSadly it seems people in this thread are bitching without actually keeping up with the company and its recent sexual harrassment and sexual discrimination scandal. Interesting you pointed out intersectional feminism. I think this scandal really pointed out how contemporary feminism is often just a disguise for white feminism. Black twitter and especially black women were really the ones who called out how messed up it was for ppl to be putting all the blame on Jordyn in that situation. The reason I love Dangerous Woman is because I think it is pop perfection. It's full of belting, loud vocals you can sing to, and pulsing electro 성주출장샵 pop beats that you can really dance to. Sonically, it's her best pure POP album, surpassing Sweetener and TU,N (both of which I adore). Thai is not offered there but they are very chill about everything as well. I always incorporate a little Thai into every massage I give. It's just part of my techniques now! I do live in Colorado where alternative healing is very common and widely accepted.

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 2 - “Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk” - Joshua (through Autumn)

I hate flag-making challenges. I will not be helpful at all, and I hope that someone else can take the reigns and lead us to victory. I honestly feel safe going into a tribal council, but I do not want to test that theory.

Next morning

With Chips and Jules working on the crest designs, I feel confident that we will do well in the challenge. Maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst. I still have the same anxious feeling that my tribe is not active enough for my taste, but I will just have to live with it for now. Besides, at least this is not immunity because that we increase my anxiety by so much. But, I keep forgetting to search the idol hunt which is my bad, but it is just so hard and long that I do not really feel like searching all the time lol

ART CHALLENGE <333 i love these challenges. Jess made my picture 110% better and its super cute. The note that she wrote with it is also hella cute and I love the whole HP aesthetics bc i never got to go to real hogwarts ;-; but i'm sure most of yall can related. The boys weren't too helpful but nick was better than jacob who is sick. Nick was way more active aka jacob said 3 sentences the entire challenge sooooo…. if we lose idk I might just save jacob anyways bc pregame relations.

Won reward, but now we have to win immunity again. I really hope that this reward helps us continue to survive. I don't want to have to vote anyone out. We've been getting first, but I really just want to survive this challenge, its known to be hard.

I think I have been stuck with the second most challenge inept tribe in the history of my ORG career. I literally said so many answers in my version of the story and Jules just fucked it up. And then they got the girl's name wrong. And then they started mixing up characters. I know I did well, but fuck these people. God. Now we need a tribe to get 0 which is very unlikely. I will just resign myself to tribal. I hope and pray that these people have some common sense and do not want to vote me out

Listen. Listen. Listen. I dang knew this story was going to be Harry Potter based. I knew in my brain and in my heart that I shouldn’t have been the one to start that thing. What do I do? Start the dang thing. Oh well. We did alright. I would be shocked if we won tho but if we don’t I’ll be relieved. I def don’t feel confident enough but I really had a lot of fun with my tribe. I really miss this and really hope that my time isn’t cut short! I feel really good about my tribe mates sincerely. And that’s kind of scary! I would hate to see any of us to go and how it’s going to affect the bond we have if we vote someone out. In this moment with Max sitting out, it may be him who goes if we go to tribal. I hope that isn’t the case. I’ve got my fingers crossed for us. Huff Puff strong!

Honestly Jules dropped the ball sis!! But it’s okay, I love her. She’s really nice and I know she tried her best. Plus she’s in an alliance with me and Owen, so we should have the numbers against Joanna or Miguel if we go to tribal. Personally, I’d prefer Joanna to go. She’s kinda domineering, but she’s also an asset in challenges thus far. She is organized and direct. I’ve also talked to her a bit more than Miguel, so I guess I don’t really care who goes.

I’m happy I didn’t fuck up the reward comp and the shit that I drew got us a win!

I really hope I don't bomb that challenge, I answered everything that Kevin talked to me about.... I think!  The rest of them tried very hard but I am SOOO glad that I asked to do my part at the end because my memory of repeating things is horrendous but I'm usually pretty good at bullshitting test answers... too bad I got some of the multiple choice stuff wrong.

I think that if we do lose I am still in a good spot on this tribe and hopefully I won't be in danger.  I feel like I'm on everyone's good side and Max kind of just disappeared so maybe we could just vote him out this round? Idk.

Hopefully we don't have to worry about it.  I smell a swap coming up pretty soon and I just hope I'm either with Owen or with some of the people from my tribe.  I have no idea if they know anyone or are close with anyone in the other houses.

I'm still feeling the closest to Lily and Kevin but I have been talking to Landen a good bit too these days so hopefully we'll be safe or we can all just agree on Max.

16 minutes later

OOOOOH IS LANDEN PAVING THE WAY FOR A MOVE TO SEND MAX PACKING???

He just told me that me, lily and kevin are precious angels that must be protected and that he likes Max when he's around too so that sounds like something... HMMM...

I can't get cocky, I always go home when I get cocky. But I like this.

my host chat saw this first (shout-out to Drewie and Dennis): Y’all I’m an idiot. I thought I only knew 2 people in this game (Owen and chips). Then I remembered I also know Jess, Autumn, and dan. Literally love and respect each of you my brain just don’t got the strongest memory no more. I’m so sorry!!!! I literally just told landen I only know 2 ppl. I’m just gonna try to not remember it happened.

Ugh.....I need to get it together.

I love my tribe talking to each other now that we have to!! Everyday I'm like damn either I'm on the bottom or I'm not the only one with piss poor social game. Ok so... the moment the hosts said we got 1 point, I started getting ready for tribal lmaaaooo. No sense crying over it either because all the tribes basically just had to show up in order to beat that

Like how could we not go to tribal with a score of ONE? That shit's embarrassing hahaha. That's like when your teacher passes the test back to everyone sitting around you but not you so you KNOW it's bad. But you know what? It's all good cause I'd rather us take the L now and get it out the way and we can all laugh about it cause losing won't be funny after long. The real question is: will Gryffindor do this the easy way or the hard way caaauusse we all know who the weakest link is. I just wanna see if someone puts two and two together without my prodding. Chips already said we voting together right and I'm like yes sir. There's no better place than being on the same page

WE WON OMG!! Jules basically gave me nothing, which is fine, i understand, but i'm so impressed that we pulled that off. Absolutely killing these reward challenges really helps!

"Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk."

Tonight we learned Joshua is a feminist selfless man that I stan because he's volunteering to go home without me having to put his name out, which I was going to do. Like imagine if every guy had that kind of self-awareness, to recognize why he should be the vote and then embrace it instead of wreaking havoc. And wanting to see others succeed more than yourself? King shit! He knew when to hang it up and did just that. Like the number of times I've seen a vote get complicated for no fucking reason because everyone wants a fight to the death. Enough- I'm old, tired, and cannot exert too much energy at once. We got a long game ahead of us, not to mention quarantine. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Joshua. We need more players like you and I appreciate your service

im back back BACK AGAIN with another confessional! not much has changed but a few updates for the sake of these being required :) 1. max has become even more inactive, he's not reached out to me personally since the first day and any time i messaged him after that he's sent me nothing back that i can build a convo off of, so we just have stopped speaking. Luckily this challenge only required four people and everyone else SHOWED UP!! or at least spoke about their availability, while he did not. However in his defense he said he was having some issues at home and i feel for him but his inability to connect has been an issue before he spoke about anything in our tribe chat with us. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but this point my relationships with the other 3 are leaps and bounds ahead of where I am at with Max. Maybe he can pick up some speed if we continue winning challenges but, it's not looking too hot. SPEAKING OF CHALLENGES, well first we lost reward AGAIN, but we won immunity.. AGAIN! thank goodness for not being first or second boot, i always love being able to avoid these early tribals and if i can get to a swap without seeing one that would be ideal, but also if we do go and maybe vote out max? wouldn't be the worst thing. Moral of the story we won and thats exciting! however.. if we didn't.. the first big push of strategic talk came up with landen when he hinted at being frustrated with max's lack of presence which I also share. I do believe if we lost me and landen could have most definitely picked up ruthie and lily to form a four against him, if he even came to tribal. That would be my ideal situation and if we continue on this tribes hopefully it gives me a nice cushion to fall on if we do lose so i dont have to entirely blow up my social game within the first few rounds by voting out someone i've built a connection with. If max can go and the remaining four hufflepuffs can make a swap I would feel good about that, and maybe in the right circumstances we could work together on the swapped tribes because i genuinely like all of these people (yes max too but in this specific scenario he wouldn't be included bc... well..) anyways to close this off i still absolutely ADORE lily, she is fun and our conversations are really good, and same goes for ruthie, hopefully i dont have to see either of them or myself go home before we can really start playing because i think we could do some damage. :) ok anyways this was longer than i thought it would be goodbye

I'm still not over the fact that I was able to answer 7 of those questions right. I have the memory of a plastic fork.  I also love that we are SAFE!

I do kind of hope things get spicy and we swap this round and become two tribes of 9. That'd be cute. I don't want VI to get bored and crack on me. BUT ALSO I think I have solid enough relationships with almost everyone on this tribe... so who knows?!

Also... these hoes really out here trying to search for an idol in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

Dear diary, seems like we keep winning challenges, which is great but tbh i feel like every time i give a disadvantage to my team because english is not my first Language, and so far its been a vocabulary test and a listening and speaking test. I mean I knew I signed up for school but damn. Give me some macarena  or drinking tequila challenge and I'll crush it

bippity boppity boo im back again with almost no content kdfasjhdskjfh

Ravenclaw working smarter and we keep winning, period!!! Thankful that y'all put Dan and I together....bc truly we will be unstoppable in these competitions. I kind of want to lose soon though to see how things would shake out, but I don't really have bad blood with anyone. Joanna seems passionate enough in the tribe chat and the challenges, even if she's dry in PMs. Miguel still won't give me anything other than a "how are you," but I hope the best for him in life lol

Still love Jules and Dan, and we made a three person alliance, but I haven't talked with either of them much one on one since it happened.... I really need to step the social game up eventually, but right now, I'm coasting, and maybe that's what I need before I find the time and resources in this game to strike!!

The idol hunt is hard but Dan seems onto something. Honestly he's gonna be a big threat sooner or later so he's sticking around as long as I can keep him! The last two games I've been in I've seen "goats" get dragged to the end and locked in final 3 positions, and then these perceived goats have ended up winning. so I want the big players in this game to rise to the top and fight it out in the end!

let’s say i am como we dice.. fed up with a lot :flushed: a lot meaning joshua starting to get on my nerves a bit! he’s genuinely sweet n all but.. the way he complained about us losing by putting down others work HHH pissed me off. which is why i will be voting him out hehe.. but so far my misting has worked because no one wants to vote me out! mwah

Slytherin killed the memory challenge. We thought we were all gonna flop bc all of us thought we sucked at memory stuff. um well we knocked it out of the park? Ravenclaw got 4 and huff/gryff got 1. We got 7 so oops. I do hope things turn out well for Gryffindor but no one I really know/care about is in that house so I'm not too worried. I hope they continue to lose or even hufflepuff since ravenclaw has 2 of my friends in it.

I have been TERRIBLE with confessionals but only because there's really not been much going on? I have an alliance with Dan and Owen, and even though I wrote off Joanna I was DEFINITELY wrong in doing that. Miguel is sort of the outlier. Our team is kinda iconic though? We've done so well on all the challenges. I might be the weakest link? More to come.

it's pretty sad but the whole tribe has agreed to vote max if we lose, basically he's just never around because of what's going on at home and like thats sad but... we gotta do what we gotta do *shrug*. I'm really feeling good about Hufflepuff moving forward, i've never bonded this much this easily with EVERYONE on a tribe and i just feel like if we keep winning or even if we lose and have to vote out max, we could be a great group for the future. especially i feel great about working with kevin, we dominated eve's game after eve came between us in 2020 that dastardly witch... :P (juuust kiddin. love ya!) but now we could totally do well in this game too i think.....

lily and ruthie are just so sweet and we really bond talking about pretty much anything,, especially lily is a great conversationalist and i just find it so natural to talk to them both. i'd love to work with any combination of people from hufflepuff in the future, hopefully i start sucking a little less at all these challenges. i think i did pretty great on memory :D

So here is the summary of what has happened since last time

We had a reward challenge that was drawing. Mine sucked. Apparently 3/4 so no reward.

We played Telephone. My team didnt realize that details are the most important parts of that and didnt share then with Autumn so Autumn didnt share them with me. Then I didnt know them when asked about them.

We scored 1 point and lost. Since I still have no alliance I'm scared that it could be me. So I kind of got an idea how everyone was feeling.

Juls let me know she wanted to vote Joshua and- it's not me so that's fine!

Then I was talking to Autumn about it and - OOP! Josh asked to be voted out. So unless he plays an idol I'm supposing he is leaving after asking to go.

woo my tribe won immunity!! we are safe! i’m glad bc i’m forming good relationships with ppl on my tribe. i think we all get along rly well so i hope we keep winning. the challenge was fun and i slayed bc i’m skinny mwah

Ya know what’s refreshing? Being on a tribe that actually wins!!! The last three games I’ve played I’ve been on flop ass starting tribes.

Now we’ll lose every challenge

10 minutes later

This sickening bitch just found a hidden immunity idol!!!! Good until f6 L A D I E S!!!!!!

HI BARBS SO I WAS GROUNDED SO I MISSED THE CHALLENGE BUT MY HUFFLEPUFF BABS SLAYED SM SO IM LIVING

CONFESSIONAL 2.1 —

Not much strategy has happened this episode, just simply tribal bonding! We are SlytherWINNING, getting reward and immunity this time! How wonderful.

Regarding my tribe mates, I love all three. I pray, pray, pray we make swap, i do Noh want to be a dirty bad guy and have to vote one out.. yet. Haha.

I was drunk during immunity, one full glass of rum & coke, so I am shocked that we won immunity. Honestly, I feel silly admitting I was drunk to my tribe because... if I can do that when drunk, imagine if I was sober. Competition Beast, duh.

I also gave up my run this round for the tribe to use. Was partially social, partially I just do not understand how to do the Hunt, so I might as well help the greater good. Either way, it comes off positively.

Hoping for a smooth journey for a little longer!

x nick

Joshue has basically quit at this point so I have no fear going into tribal

[cerullos]

You don't have to answer. Reading the responses to that reblog about ace struggles made me really sad. The way you talk about the ace thing in general makes me sad. And I really like you, actually. I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. And a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist. Ad infinitum. This doesn't have to be the oppression olympics. Intersectionality is the only way out of this mess.

And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence. Is that as bad as being electrocuted? No. But is that the point here? Why say that? Why amplify that kind of divisive message? We just want to belong somewhere. You can believe this or not, but we’re dying here. The LGBT community has been the only safe place I’ve known my entire life. To figure out years later that I was labeling..

myself wrong? It was the most terrifying feeling I’ve ever experienced. It still is. It’s like we don’t exist. One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.

Straight people see us simply as gay, and treat us that way. So we’re getting electrocuted too. Sexual, gay people tell us we’re ‘cis/het’ liars trying to steal their community. So we have no safe space. We can’t find partners. Our friends, family, and fellow LGBT ppl don’t understand us or even believe in our existence. We are constantly questioning out own existence. I don’t mean to flood you. I realize that’s what I’m doing. But I’ve seen this kind of post coming from your direction a few…

times now. And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly. You’ve got a lot of followers. And being ace has made me full on suicidal in the past. So just. Think about it. Gay ace is a real thing. Can you see how you might have…

privilege over a person like that? everyone in my life sees me as gay. I fall in love with women. and yet here we are. can’t you see how I might want to be in your shoes? At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.

Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.

okay, this is long but i’m going to try to keep my answers as succinct as possible. i don’t know if this was your intention, but elements of this message feel vaguely guilt-tripping, despite the fact that none of what you’ve mentioned here presents an argument i haven’t already seen and strongly disagreed with.

“ I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist […] This doesn’t have to be the oppression olympics. ”

two things: one, you’re referring to lateral aggression in every instance but the first. what i mean by lateral aggression is that it occurs between two people–within the same community–who experience oppression along different axes (e.g. a straight trans person and a cis gay person). in contrast, a cis straight ace man who engages in homophobia and/or transphobia is not “laterally aggressing” his victim, he’s oppressing them. the reason LGBT people have become so vocal against inclusion of cis straight aces is because their oppressors are now gaining entrance to their exclusive spaces, and speaking over them. and whereas a lesbian can voice her discomfort with this on tumblr, she’s forced to stay silent at her local GSA for her own safety.

two, this isn’t an issue of a “handful” of violently homophobic people in the ace community. the founder of aven–david jay–was a homophobic white cishet man, and the platform on which he built his activism was homophobic. moreover, oppression against (straight, cis) ace people is not enforceable, because who is and isn’t ace depends entirely on the decision to identify as such! there are (as the ace community has been told many, many times) plenty of LGBT people (if not most) who have a complicated relationship with sex and sexual attraction due to abuse/assault, compulsive heterosexuality, dysmorphia, etc. none of these people can be considered “allosexual,” even if they (for perfectly valid reasons) decline to share this information publicly! these people deal with many of the same issues you’ve mentioned here (e.g. choosing between getting dumped or engaging in sexual acts when they would rather not), although they would likely attribute this to homophobia, misogyny and rape culture, not aphobia.

also: the “oppression olympics” is nonsensical and offensive and i wish y’all would stop passing that term around. yes, the LGBT community’s history is absolutely rooted in oppression of same-gender attracted and trans individuals! and yes, the community exists to actively oppose legislation that exists to oppress them, and to provide resources for those affected. the community was not founded in order to provide comfort to people who feel outcast from society for [x] reason. when you make this claim (or when you sarcastically liken the community to an exclusive “club” one gains entrance to by virtue of being oppressed) you miss the point entirely. it’s watering down the mission statement and end goal of this community, plain and simple.

“And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence.”

i find this argument (which is repeated often) to be ridiculous when the LGBT community has years of coherent history, and AVEN (and the popularization of identifying as asexual in the first place) has only gained prominence within the last decade or so. on top of that, as any oppressed individual will tell you, (and, again, something that has been repeated very often and rarely acknowledged) hypervisibility is dangerous to the oppressed! black and latinx trans women and gay men are the most endangered members of the LGBT community because it is impossible for them to “hide” themselves.

this alone should make it clear to you that what the LGBT community want and what the ace community want are two very different things–so what exactly would their shared goal in activism be? what purpose would expanding the community to include straight cis aces serve other than comforting individuals who resent being excluded? LGBT people may share the ace community’s desire for representation in media, but visibility–within the context of their everyday lives–is exactly what’s getting them killed. the pulse shooting is obviously the most recent example of this, but it’s one of many.

“One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.”

you’re introducing a very different argument here, and one i obviously don’t agree with. if you’re a gay ace, you belong in the LGBT community. i’m sorry you’ve been told otherwise. but if this entire passage (and the several paragraphs following it) are meant to convince me of this, i don’t know what to tell you? i’ve said before that–based on my history and  relationship with sex and sexual attraction–i could easily identify as an ace lesbian. i don’t, for some of the reasons listed above, and personal reasons of my own–and i don’t benefit from failing to identify as ace in any material way.

“And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly.”

i’m genuinely sorry you’re feeling this way, but again, if you think this is an experience LGBT people (ace or otherwise) don’t share, then i’m not the one turning a blind eye here.

“At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.”

you need to consider that you are making assumptions about what i want from a relationship based on the fact that i don’t publicly identify as ace. this is another thing we’ve been repeating constantly: you cannot do that, and therein lies one of the issues with asexuality as a framework for oppression. also, even on the off chance that i had a perfectly healthy relationship with and desire for sex (which–as i’ve said–very few people in the LGBT community do) none of us can just “get a girlfriend.” to suggest it’s more difficult for ace people is ridiculous when LGBT people have had to resort to dating apps and LGBT-exclusive spaces in order to find people to date in the first place. and before you say that similar spaces don’t exist for aces: they need to be built, just like ours were. the onus is on adult aces, not “allo” LGBT people.  

and, again, what an ace person would potentially want from an ace-exclusive space is not what an LGBT person (provably, historically) would want from an LGBT-exclusive space. ace condemnation of sex and sexuality is valid at the individual level, but it can be suffocating (and, yes–oppressive) to LGBT people who have fought long and hard to take pride in their sexuality. telling LGBT people that their love and “PDA” is “dirty” and “impure” is nothing new or progressive, it’s textbook homophobia, and those attitudes are damaging to us.

“Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.”

look…i hate to tell you this because i don’t think you mean any harm, and i’m not trying to attack you–but, as i think i said earlier, none of the arguments you’ve presented here are new to me. these are arguments that have been addressed and derailed by LGBT people (many of them ace themselves) multiple times, to no end. what you’ve mentioned here highlights an important point, and that’s “hurt feelings.” those are the stakes for straight cis aces–those are not the stakes for LGBT people (and i include LGBT aces in this statement). but i haven’t “learned” anything from these messages–i’ve never plugged my ears and ignored the arguments of straight cis aces, i’ve listened to them very carefully. and they’ve informed my opinion on this matter–an opinion that hasn’t changed and will not change. if that’s upsetting to you, you can unfollow–i won’t hold it against you!

[allthelovexxc]

Trust

I think the most frustrating thing about telling the girls about Baymax and I ending, was them basically saying “Tf you think it was, you put too much trust into him. Don’t expect anything bc you’re not special.” I felt so attacked, I literally almost walked away from them. I didn’t need that from them nor was that what I was looking for. I didn’t need someone to tell me advice, I didn’t need that energy from them. I just needed someone to listen. Was I complaining? NO. I was simply telling y’all what happened between us and how I felt in the situation and why I ended things. Don’t try to lecture me on things I already knew and expected. &The fact that they said “It’s okay lessoned learned.” WHAT LESSON? There was no lesson bc I don’t regret it. Honestly I’d do that shit again.

Look. I know I just came out of a relationship and he’s the first guy to vibe with me like that besides Wren, but I’m not stupid. You know...everyone always has their walls up to always protect themselves and I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s totally understandable. But that’s not me. I feel as though when I try to protect myself and not trust ppl right away, I’m not being true to myself and it’s just so much effort to actually do all that. &I think they forgot or don’t know that trusting ppl with 100% of my being is who I am. I understand that not everyone has good intentions and it’s a crazy ass world out there, but it just doesn’t sit right with me. I believe that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. Even if they’re notorious for not being trustworthy, I would still trust that person bc what if that person just needs that ONE person to trust them? I know that’s farfetched and some people don’t change. But we don’t know that. We don’t know what they’ve been through and who’s wronged them. We don’t know if they’re trying to change and just needs that one person to trust them. So I give people 100% trust and if they fuck that up, they fuck that up. It’s also not a big deal to me bc if they don’t stick around long enough, bc they don’t get to be apart of my orbit. &I’m completely content with my orbit. I don’t need any more or less to add to it, but I am always open to add more to it. So all in all, it’s kind of helped me decipher who’s worth my time and who’s just here to catch a ride. Sometimes they hurt, sometimes it’s whatever, or some times I could care less. 

With Baymax, we both agreed on the terms when we entered FWB. Emotional support and physical support. I know, I know a recipe for disaster but at the time I needed that. &It was great to have someone that was there for me but no commitment. To be completely transparent with each other and no bullshitting bc we both don’t got time for that. I mean I understand he had no obligations to me, but in a way he was. He was obligated to let me know if he was going to have sex with someone else, he was obligated to be there for me emotionally, he was just as obligated to me as I was to him. &Then everything happened so fast. The shift in our dynamic. The texting. The effort. I was in between overthinking and a gut feeling. In the end, it was the gut feeling. It was a feeling I was all too familiar with. It hurt that he didn’t trust me enough to let me know straight up. I know he’s scared bc of backlash, but I’m not that kind of person. He didn’t trust me enough to not be that person. &That was not a part of the agreement. Full disclosure, no bullshit remember? Well...it is, what it is. Take a risk or not. Trust or not. I completely understand and I honestly hold no grudges or animosity towards him. Am I a little spiteful? Yeah, but shit I’m only human guys. 

He had wanted to keep me on the side if things went wrong with the girl. As he should with a regular FWB. BUT in the end, he was putting all his efforts into this girl and none for me. Which is why I ended it. I don’t need someone that can’t give me the same effort that I give them, bc I’ll expect that from them. In the beginning it was non-stop texting. &It was nice not in any romantical sense but in a way where someone was giving me that emotional capacity that I was craving. As I said, I don’t regret it. He’s helped me in ways that no one else could. Not the girls, not the boys. No one but him. &I am grateful for the time we had together. It was a blessing and something I never knew I needed. So thanks, Baymax. For everything you did up until now. It was nice for a minute. &I think it would’ve been a great run. A great, disastrous run.

 I’m rooting for you, always.

xxC

[suzyqrara]

2/10/19

So, it is 12:22 AM and I just came from my little date with myself.  Loved it I went to the mall, bought a few thangs, ate Nutella crepes and watched What Men think with a glass of wine.  I felt good but also sad.  This morning after writing my little journal I messaged my co-teacher to ask for some advice about the student I was talking about in the journal entry.  I texted her if we can talk some time today.  She said of course and asked if I was quitting.  I told her no, I needed some advice about a student and wanted to talk about what I should do to nip it in the bud before her behavior gets worse.  She didn’t write anything back.  I waited for her call all day.  She called at 11 am but only let the phone ring 2 times.  I called her back and she did not answer.  I called her again at 4 pm and she did not answer.  I messaged her at 9 and she did not answer.  So, I am taking it personal.  I was thinking maybe she thought what I had to say was not important.  Since she knows the student is a good person, I thought maybe she thinks not worth acknowledging.  But that would be a bitch thing to do.  And from what I saw she is not a bitch.  My intuition is pretty good when it comes to rejection and I feel she rejected me. She did not want to hear what I had to say.  I want to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she was busy, but I feel like a simple message would be appropriate asking if she can call later tomorrow to talk about what is bothering me.  Nothing all day.  Just unanswered phone calls and messages.  I felt like she thought I was not worth a basic message letting me know she didn’t forget about the talk.  I am nervous if she doesn’t call me tomorrow.  Our relationship will taint.  I will start not trusting her and thinking she is fake because although she is all smiles and, “Love you boo,” she obviously doesn’t like me enough to acknowledge my phone call about work none the less. Hopefully she will call sometime tomorrow. Or acknowledges it on Monday.  I feel like if she tells me something on Monday, I will be resentful. Should I bring up I thought it was rude? I will talk to Nish about it tomorrow to get her perspective.  Its so rude though.  But anyway, I already told myself if she allows the relationship to taint by her rudeness this weekend, it would be better because of the relationship taints, I won’t hold on to the idea of her eventually writing my recommendation letter and I can leave as soon as McCarty leaves because I’ll ask McCarthy for a recommendation letter.  There is no way I am asking someone who allowed our relationship to taint without communication after my attempts to resolve.  This is something I did not do and if she allows it, I would never ask her.  So, I can leave as soon as Robin gets back and ask McCarty.  Hopefully that is not the case.  Hopefully she will call tomorrow and tell me she had a busy Saturday and blah blah blah. She fell asleep early whatever…some excuse as to why she completely disregarded my request in the morning or answer my 2 calls and a text about something I felt was important.  Because if she brings it up Monday, I will be resentful and my trust for her being a good person will be diminished.  These are the moments where I think NJ hates me.  The people I work with never like me enough to be NOT rude.  NJ has been so rude.  Supervisors being passive, hateful and totally mean without any communication at all as to what I can do to make them be civil towards me. people making plans and ghosting me without an explanation, ppl not calling me to tell me they are interested or not interested after an interview, people I work with not liking me.   These are the moments I feel better about leaving for PA.  If this taints our relationship it will just confirm I need to get the fuck out of NJ. I know its something about me that people don’t like, I am the common denominator, but they don’t communicate what about me makes them hate me.  Let me learn about myself.  I wish people would just give the gift of telling people about themselves not just simply hating me.  I’ve had people I just hated.  No reason at all, I just hated them and I know the people I keep meeting have no true reason to hate me, I just have the face, maybe its how I talk, maybe it my attitude but it’s a lot of people that don’t like me in this school field and I wish I knew what I can do differently.  Am I too nice? Do I play the helpless victim too well?  Do I have, I am an easy target, written on my face for people to project their misery unto me?  Whatever it is, I am concerned, and I really hope my co teacher does not truly dislike me too.  Either way I had a little date for myself today and I feel blessed I was able to get me a few a nice thing and laugh a little.  I wrote this out, so I can stop thinking about it and rest easy tonight. Hopefully it worked.  This can be a good thing, I can leave whenever mccarty leaves and a bad thing which is discomfort until she leaves.  We will see.  Hopefully I cannot care too much.