#but i just wish she felt the same way i do

[cherrygirlfriend]

is it new years yet? pairing: reader x neighbor!rafe synopsis: seeing your old neighbor on christmas during your break leads to you going down memory lane - and into each other's pants. warnings: smut, spit play, degradation, piv, unprotected sex, MDNI wc: 2.4k inspired by 'is it new years yet?' by sabrina carpenter and me being the only one single in my family during christmas. fun fact; i wrote half of this while celebrating christmas with my family and the other half on my way home. enjoy!

everything in life comes with pros and cons; the same applies to being the youngest in your family.

your two sisters and your brother all came to christmas with their significant others; you came with the hangover you were nursing from going out for drinks with some of your high school friends.

your oldest sister just had her first child. your other sister had just gotten married, and your brother brought his girlfriend of two years, that he was planning on proposing to.

you? the closest thing you'd come to something even resembling a relationship was a fling with a guy who ended up ghosting you after telling you he loved you. and although your new nephew was adorable, everyone around you being in relationships made you feel utterly alone.

as mariah carey's 'all i want for christmas is you' played in the speakers for the fifth time that night and you were served another slice of the mediocre fruitcake, you felt like taking the knife set down in front of you and making your eye socket it's new home, the urge only worsened by the words your eldest sister uttered.

"so, do you have a boyfriend?" she asked in a sing-songy voice, looking at you with an inquisitive look on her face, and you knew the comment was meant to be goodhearted, but all it managed to do was make you irritated; your relatives always knew what to say to piss you off.

you swallowed the remaining food in your mouth, "nope."

"what do you mean? you're gorgeous. there's gotta be someone who's into you!" your other sister exclaimed, rubbing salt in the wound. all you wanted was to forget that you were the only one at home with no one to hold. you just wished it was new years already.

your family didn't even notice when you slipped away from them to the patio that wrapped around your large house, hanging your head and your upper body over the railing, your hair dangling in the air as you let out a long breath that you'd held the entire time you'd spent in your family's company, feeling the blood rush to your head as you stared at your legs through the wide holes in the railing.

"you know that could kill you, right?"

you heard a smug voice say, one that was eerily familiar, and your suspicions over who it belonged to were confirmed when you lifted yourself up, your hair flipping and your eyes landing on none other than rafe cameron.

rafe cameron. a name that you never wished to even have to think about, a face you never wanted to have to look at. he had been your neighbor your entire life up until you moved for college, and he'd always enjoyed making your life hell.

"for that, i'm pretty sure i'd have to hang here for longer than fifteen seconds, but thanks for the unwanted medical advice, cameron. why are you creeping around our backyard?"

"aw, you didn't miss me?" he said with feigned sympathy as he slowly ascended the steps leading onto the porch, a small pout on his face.

"what's there to miss? you being a dick?"

rafe tutted, looking at you with a predatory gleam in his eyes, "see, the last time things were about my dick, you didn't seem that hostile."

...oh.

"that was a mistake." you said, trying your best not to make your voice shake, rolling your shoulders back and straightening your spine to try and seem confident, but he simply chuckled.

"you seem to make a lot of mistakes."

as he said those words, you couldn't help but let your mind wander to all the times you'd let him pin you against the wall of a small, skeevy janitor's closet that smelled of clorox and your mingling hormones, or the way he'd made you plead and beg before he'd let you come undone, coating his fingers in your creamy liquids.

but it felt like a bucket of ice water had been thrown over your head when those memories blended with ones where he'd said such cruel words about you, and then saying the same things in private, in such a different way.

"god, you're such a slut." he'd scoff, shaking his head as he looked from topper to kelce, both boys laughing at his words.

"god, you're such a slut..." he'd whisper against your skin as his long digits hit the spongy spot deep inside you, "such a good little slut f'me..."

you cleared your throat, your hand traveling to fiddle with the pearl earring in your ear, rolling it around between your thumb and your forefinger to try and not to focus on the way you had to shift from one foot to another, not wanting the wetness that was beginning to gather between your legs to stick your panties to your pussy. "what are you doing here, cameron?"

"i heard you were back in town. wanted to come see you."

his words made you roll your eyes, "last time i checked, we weren't exactly friends, cameron."

your eyes widened when his hand slid behind your back and he pulled your body flush to his, your heart hammering against your chest like someone was doing renovation inside your body. you didn't want to have these reactions for the man, but your body was betraying you.

"and last time i checked, the nickname you liked to use for me wasn't cameron."

"i'm never using that name for you again." you said, trying not to let your voice waver, to stay strong in what you knew to be the best thing for you to do, to not show how much you wanted him to ruin you in the way you hadn't been ruined in so long.

"i bet i could make you." rafe's lips were so close to yours that you could feel the breaths he let out as he whispered those words.

"bet you-"

before you could finish your sentence, the hot lips you used to know so well were once again on yours, and just like all those times, you gave into it, gave into him way too easily, your lips parting almost automatically to allow rafe's tongue into your mouth.

rafe pushed you against the wall, his hand creeping down from your waist to under the hem of your skirt, his fingers traveling up your thigh painfully slowly, your body so attuned to his it's like you can feel every small ridge, as well as the bones and veins of his fingers. he always loved taking his time, loved making you suffer, loved making you feel like you were going to explode if you didn't have him right at that moment.

"i've missed this so much..." rafe mumbled as his lips moved from your lips, slowly meeting your neck, the small nips he left behind causing your breath to hitch, his other hand groping your tit through your bra, and it reminded you of all the times he'd treat you like shit in front of others, only to pull you into a dark corner and manhandle you, and how much you loved it.

you arched into rafe's touch as his fingers teased the edge of your panties, and when his fingers only brushed against the wet spot in your panties, you let out a small whine, and you knew he was thriving from how easy it was for him to make you come undone.

"tell me you want me..." he mumbled against your neck as his hand started circling your clit through your panties, making them cling to your panties.

it was the last thing you wanted to say; but your vocal chords disagreed with you. it was like the warm feeling in your stomach was controlling everything you did, everything you felt, everything you thought.

"i want you..." you managed to breathe out, the man adding pressure onto his finger as he continued rolling your clit.

"say it."

"i wa-"

"not that." rafe delivered a sharp smack to your pussy and you gasped at the small squelching noise it'd caused, "call me what you used to call me."

"rafe..."

he brought the same hand that had slapped your pussy, and slapped your cheek, making you wince. it wasn't hard, but rafe always knew how to push your buttons. rafe grabbed your jaw, making you look up at him.

"say it."

"s-sir..." you whispered, your cheeks burning with shame, and you were overtaken with thoughts of all the things he had done to get you to call you that, but rafes lips twisted into a wicked grin.

"awww, such a good little slut." he cooed mockingly, "open your mouth." hesitantly, you opened your mouth further, rafe gathering some saliva onto his lips before he spit it into your mouth, enjoying the look of pure humiliation on your face as he watched you swallow it. "pull up your skirt."

you pulled up your skirt, your face still burning hot from humiliation as you looked up, wanting to look anywhere but at him, feeling rafe's long fingers on the waistband of your panties, the fabric starting to detach from your folds, rafe's breathing getting heavier.

you were attacked by sensations when rafe's lips ravenously attached themselves to your cunt, your head throwing back in pleasure as he basically made out with your sopping wet folds, your hand going to his buzzcut, reminding you of the way you used to grip onto the douchey haircut he used to have, on a boy who didn't look quite as defined as the man currently devouring you.

when you felt his tongue circling your entrance, dipping in and out of you teasingly, your walls started clenching around nothing, the world around you might as well have disappeared and turned into heaven. rafe detached himself from your pussy, and as you looked down at him drowsily, rafe's pupils were dilated, his lips covered in your arousal, the man looking like he'd gotten drunk just from tasting you.

"i missed my girl..." rafe murmured, pressing gentle kisses on your pussy, "she still gets so fucking wet f'me... she probably misses my cock so bad... you probably haven't found anyone who fills my princess up like i do, have you?"

"n-no..." you stuttered, making rafe tsk.

"that won't work. she gotta remember who her daddy is."

rafe lifted you up by the back of your thighs, causing you to let out a small squeal as your arms flew to hold on to the back of his neck, only for him to turn around, taking a few steps and placing you onto the edge of the railing, starting to unbuckle his belt.

"rafe, we're on my patio..."

"so?" he chuckled, his hands on his zipper, "it's not like outside of your house is the most scandalous place where we've had fun, is it?"

your cheeks started warming up when you remembered all the places where rafe had managed to get you to give in to him, where you'd begged for him to touch you in the way only he knew how to.

rafe pulled his trousers down, his cock bulging in his calvin kleins, a small wet spot visible on the white fabric until he tugged his boxers down just enough to free his cock, giving it slow, languid strokes. "tell me how you've much you want me inside of you..."

as you looked down at his cock, your tongue between your teeth, you felt hunger like never before; you couldn't care that you were outside your house and anyone could walk in at any moment, or that rafe was an asshole, the only thing you cared about was the way his cock felt inside you, the way it reached something in you no one else managed to, the thing you'd spent various nights trying to mimic with your rabbit toy, to no avail.

"so bad..." you choke out, and although it was the god-honest truth, it felt like the words were razorblades coming up your throat, only made better by the feeling the tip of rafe's cock rubbing on your clit, the man drawing circles on it like he was creating a masterpiece instead of just teasing the hell out of you. "please..."

he slid his length down your plump folds, making you held your breath as you waited to feel him invade you, only for rafe to stop at your entrance. if you were able to even think at that moment, you would've simply pulled him closer to you, but with rafe, he always held all the cards. he knew how to control you.

but the moment you felt only the head of his cock enter you, your vision was blurred. one of rafe's hands moved to grab the flesh of your ass while the other one still held you up. as he starts moving further into you, you let out a mewl that was meant to be his name but ended up being incomprehensible. it was like he was fucking made for you, like his cock was shaped just to fit inside you like a puzzle.

"my baby's still so fuckin' tight..." rafe rasped, and what started as a calm pace turned into him slamming all of himself into you, and if he didn't keep moving inside of you, you could've sworn you died the moment the head of his cock was slammed against your cervix.

"still such a good little slut f'me, hm?"

you rolled your hips against his, every thrust feeling more and more delicious; and like always, you forgot everything. you forgot who you were, where you were, what this was. none of it mattered. nothing, but him.

rafe's thumb moved to circle your clit as he continued rolling his hips into you, timing every slam to your cervix with a roll of your clit, making you ascend. he knew you, and he knew just what to do to make you weak, to make you his.

you tried to tell him you were close, that you were coming, but all that'd leave your lips were incomprehensible moans.

rafe moaned when he felt your walls tightening, pulsing around his cock, a sound so delicious you wished you could've recorded so you could touch yourself to it, yet he continued his movements in you, only now much slower and with much more groaning due to the muscles clenching around him.

"g'na come in you..." rafe mumbled against your shoulder, and you squealed and nearly screamed, when the head of his cock pressed against your cervix mid-orgasm. "f-fuck, you still feel so fucking good..."

he stilled inside of you, pulling your body even closer to his, letting out a groan, and although you couldn't feel it due to the intensity of your orgasm, you knew rafe had just delivered on his promise.

[crybabybat]

This got some really fucking annoying reblogs while I wasn’t watching it so:

“Nobody should be allowed to make irreversible health decisions while in distress (suicidal) or under the age of 25, PERIOD”

1. You didn’t read the post. You literally didn’t take a single thing in.

2. I started testosterone at 16 years old. I would have killed myself otherwise. If that sounds like proof that I shouldn’t have been allowed to start T to you, all that tells me is that you have never felt compassion for a trans person and you haven’t thought about dysphoria for more than 5 minutes.

3. Nobody bats a fucking eye when cis people make irreversible decisions under 25! Cis people are going on HRT and getting gender affirming surgeries fucking constantly!! Intersex kids are getting forced to take hormones literally every day to “correct” traits their bodies naturally produce!! You literally only give a shit when it���s trans people accessing joy!

4. Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

“Do therapy about it first, at very least”

I saw multiple therapists! I was in therapy pretty much constantly ages 14-18. I was legally required to see a special gender therapist for a certain amount of time before she would refer me to a doctor I had to see three times at least before he’d let my parents sign the papers to allow me to start taking testosterone.

“Okay but you can become infertile and that’s a huge and major and devastating side effect that no one could possibly want. This is a trump card”

1. Literally every single doctor prescribing hormones will tell you this first and offer solutions to preserve your eggs/sperm.

2. This might shock you. But many people will be or become infertile for reasons including, but not limited to, the ways their bodies naturally produce hormones. This does not need to be fixed unless the individual wishes for it to be, and is not inherently a defect.

3. HRT actually does a terrible job at making you infertile. Like it cannot be used as birth control because even after SEVERAL years of being on hormones, the vast majority of trans people can still reproduce if they haven’t had other procedures that affect their ability to.

4. Treating people like their ability to reproduce and give birth is more important than their happiness and right to change their bodies how they wish, is fucking insane. You sound so fucking stupid.

I said I think people should be able to access hrt more freely and generally feel more inspired to try it out for a few months if it sounds like something they might benefit from. I think everybody has the right to informed consent and autonomy, including children. 3 months of HRT is not going to make anybody infertile, it probably isn’t even long enough for your voice to drop if it’s T, and it certainly isn’t long enough for breasts to grow on E. I ALSO didn’t say that doctors should stop discussing potential side effects, such as infertility, with patients, to the same degree that they’d discuss them with any other medication. I just think it’s actually fucking fine if people want to try it out! If it works that’s awesome, if it doesn’t work you can stop! Fuck!!!

I will never understand how cis people widely continue to see HRT as a huge decision that needs years of consideration and should only be used as a last resort for minors if they’re on the edge of suicide, and other things of this nature.

Like your body already has those hormones. It’s already doing that. It’s okay. They’re just hormones, you can play around and see what you like, what feels right. It’s literally fine. Changes to our bodies and voices and genitals and things are already an inherent part of being human.

It’s the weight that’s put on the decision to go on HRT that manufactures the major concerns of regret. If you decide it’s not for you and you’re upset because your body has been altered in a way that doesn’t feel good to you, that’s the same as getting a tattoo you don’t love, or breaking a bone, or being injured in some other way, or aging, or even getting a bad haircut. It is not automatically more horrific because it has to do with the perceived presentation of your gender. Hope this helps 👍🏼

[kairoot]

𝗦𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗔, 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗘. ──── 𝐍𝐑𝐊.

after your only childhood best friend leaves to visit his family in Japan, you decide to write one hundred— yes, one hundred letters to him, each one explaining your feelings for him in intricate detail. you send them off just before Christmas arrives so he can receive them the same day he’s opening presents. the only wish that you have for this holiday is that he feels the same way..

☕️ .. pairing: 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽！𝗋𝗂𝗄𝗂 𝗑 𝑓．𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

☕️ .. includes: 𝖾𝗎𝗇𝖼𝗁𝖺𝖾 （𝗅𝗌𝗋𝖿𝗆），𝗁𝖺𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗇 （𝗇𝗐𝗃𝗇𝗌） ☕️ .. genre: 𝑓𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿，𝑓𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗌

☕️ 𝒘arnings: 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀，𝗉𝗁𝗒𝗌𝗂𝖼𝖺𝗅 𝗍𝗈𝗎𝖼𝗁，𝗅𝗆𝗄 𝗂𝖿 𝗂 𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝗒．

💌 ──── i feel like this was kinda rushed but i wanted to give you guys something for the holidays. :)

“i’ll be back before you know it,” riki had said to you before he boarded his plane. he hugged you tightly, slightly rocking you side to side before planting a kiss on your head.

you weren’t dating, but he’d always given you a very friendly kiss on your head since you were little kids.

“yeah, but time will still go by so slow..” you said, your arms tightening around him, not wanting him to leave your side. riki chuckled, patting your head and trying to wriggle free from your tight grip.

“y/n, let’s go before i leave you to go to japan with him!” your friend, haerin yelled from her car. you sighed before letting him go, looking up with a frown on your face.

“alright, let me go before haerin bites our heads off,” riki laughed, unraveling your arms from around him. you felt your heart sank as he picked up his luggage and said goodbye to you. you watched him turn to leave and get on the plane while he still smiled at you, his eyes never leaving yours.

you took one last look at the aircraft before leaving to get back into haerin’s car.

you climbed into the backseat, looking out the window as haerin pulled out of the airport’s parking lot.

the beginning of the ride was silent before eunchae turned to face you from the passenger seat, giving you a sad smile.

“did you at least tell him?” she asked.

you shook your head, ”i couldn’t tell him right before he left, chae.”

she hummed in response before turning back around in her seat.

but that was two days ago.

it obviously hadn’t been long since riki left but you were starting to feel lonely even with him gone for that long. he’d texted you a few times in between the 2-day gap, but you couldn’t talk to him much since he was with his family.

haerin and eunchae tried taking you out for a bit to get your mind off of him but you just couldn’t. it’s not like he moved back to japan but there was one thing in particular that was bothering you.

you loved riki. with all of your heart, and your friends knew that.

everyday that you were with him, they encouraged you to tell him but you just couldn’t. it wasn’t something you could say in front of him which is also why you don’t say anything before he left for japan.

but being away from him only hurt you so much because he was so far away. what if he meets someone new? what if he rekindles an old relationship?

these are all things that went through your mind before and after he left.

“n/n, are you gonna finish that paper? you’ve been staring at it for the past 5 minutes.” haerin commented, giggling at your dazed expression.

“what? oh. yeah, sorry.”

you sat on your bed with papers spread out everywhere as you worked on your last assignment before winter break. eunchae and haerin had decided to come over and join you to study.

“so.. we were thinking,” eunchae began, looking at haerin, and then you.

“since tomorrow’s our last day, maybe we could hit the skating rink with ryo and chan? you know, just do you can have a little fun while your buddy’s gone.”

“aw, chae.. no way! why do i have to be left with you two and your boyfriends?” you whined.

“hey! ryo is not my boyfriend. we just.. kiss and cuddle.. and hold hands on occasion.” haerin defended, crossing her arms as she mumbled the last part.

“so… he’s your boyfriend?”

haerin scoffed before going back to writing on her paper.

“c’mon, y/n! hang with us at least once? you’re always with riki.” eunchae argued, a small pout on her face as she begged you to tag along with them.

you sighed, thinking for a moment, “fine.”

eunchae did a small celebratory dance before giving you a small side hug and resuming her studies.

the next day was your last day in school before winter break. it was tough having to walk through the halls and get to your classes without riki by your side. you missed the sound of his laugh and his corny jokes that he told just to make you smile.

but you got through it. you managed to make small conversation with him during your lunch period before you had to put your phone away to go back to class.

when the day was done, you went home to change and wait for haerin & eunchae to pick you up. you had sent riki a quick text, telling him where you were going and how you’re night was gonna go, but he never got back to you.

“you ready to go?” haerin asked as you climbed into her car, getting comfortable in your spot in the backseat. you nodded before she pulled out of your driveway, turning in the direction of the skating rink.

the ride made you feel somewhat better, taking your mind off of how much you missed your best friend and the weight of confessing to him once he came back.

you all would be meeting up with ryo and chan, so it was just a girl’s ride while you all talked about different things, eunchae’s playlist playing in the background.

once you arrived, you greeted the two boys that stood outside of the rink and went outside to grab your skates.

the rink was swarming with couples and people who came for double dates. it made you feel left out again, as you watched haerin and eunchae’s boyfriends help them with their skates. eunchae was wobbling around like a newborn foal, but chan was there to help her stay up on her feet.

you looked away, a slight frown on your face as you began to stand up on your own. you weren’t too good of a skater but you weren’t that bad, either. of course you usually had riki there to help you, but that obviously wasn’t the case this time. so you held onto the railing, making your way out to the rink where tons of couples held hands and held onto each other.

a few moments after, haerin and eunchae joined you on the rink, both of them standing by your side and grabbing your hand to help you across the rink. you looked at them in surprise, as they smiled at you.

“what’re you guys doing? i thought you were skating with ryo and chan?” you asked, gripping onto their hands as they guided you slowly.

“nah, those two knuckleheads are too busy racing with some random frats they found. besides, we couldn’t leave our girl all alone.” haerin explained to you, nudging you playfully.

you gave her a genuine smile, your heart warming at your two girlfriends being there for you when you needed them the most.

some of your favorite songs played throughout the rink and all three of you just had to dance. just when you thought you’d be skating alone, your night was replaced with laughter and you and your friends slipping on the rink more times than you can count. you all danced together each time a new song played and eventually, ryo and chan joined you.

even without riki there beside you, you had the time of your life.

once you all were too tired to keep skating, haerin drove back to your house while ryo and chan went to pick up a bunch of snacks from the store.

“well, the night wasn’t a disaster after all.” you sighed in content, taking your coat and shoes off as your friends set up in the living room with blankets and pillows.

“see? you should trust us more, y/n,” haerin said, giving you an ‘i told you so’ look. you chuckled at her response before entering the living room to turn on the tv and search for a movie until the boys arrived at your house.

once you found a movie for all of you, ryo and chan came back with all of your snacks and you all settled in the living room. you were bundled up in a blanket on your sofa while eunchae and chan shared the recliner. haerin and ryo sat next to you but cuddled up to each other.

your head rested in your hand as you watched the film play on the television in front of you, letting your thoughts drift off to riki. you wondered what he was doing at that very moment, wondering if he had thought about you since he left.

he was probably off doing something amazing, not really worrying about what you had going on back at home.

just then, you thought about the holiday season. christmas was in two days but you still didn’t get riki anything. you would’ve gotten him a game or some type of gift card for his console, but you get things like that for him every year, even for his birthday. this year you needed to do something different.

and since you didn’t have much cash on you, why not just craft something?

or write something.

you stood up from the sofa, throwing the blanket off of you and quietly walking upstairs. you entered your bedroom, quickly finding a piece of lined paper and your favorite pencil. you sat down at your desk, placing the paper in front of you, thinking about what to write.

you thought of your confession and all of the things you wanted to say to him before he left. you had the chance, but you didn’t take it. you were too afraid of rejection, too nervous to say those words while he was standing in front of you. but what better way to tell him than to sum it up in one big letter?

you smiled to yourself as you began to write down your thoughts and feelings toward him.

a few hours had flew by and now it was past 12. papers were scattered across your desktop and you’d written more than just a few words and letters.

your wrist and fingers ached from the amount of writing you’d done but you weren’t upset about it. it was everything you wanted, no— needed, to say. the only wish you had was that he felt the same way. he didn’t even have to give you anything materialistic; as long as you weren’t embarrassing yourself and that the feeling was mutual, you’d be fine.

you found a few envelopes in your drawer, folding the papers in an order and placing them in the envelopes. you signed your name on some of them with a red heart and wrapped one of your hair bows around the stack of letters.

you placed them to the side for now, knowing you’d get up first thing in the morning to take then to the nearest post office so he could get them in time for christmas.

after putting all of your supplies away, you walked over to your bed, pulling the covers back and settling into your sheets.

inside of your parents’ home, it smelled of cinnamon and pine tree as all of your friends and family piled into the rooms, waiting to open their gifts.

you greeted some of them with a smile before entering the kitchen again to help your mom with the food she’d made for the holiday dinner.

“have you heard from him, yet?” she asked, turning to you while you stirred one of the dishes for her.

“mom,“ you chuckled slightly, the question almost catching you off guard.

“what? y/n, it’s all you’ve been worried about. i know how much he means to you.” she spoke softly, rubbing your arm.

“but i haven’t said anything about him,”

“you don’t have to,” she said. “i know that look. when you’re stressing.”

you hated how she knew you so well. how everyone knew you so well and could tell when you were bothered.

“i’m gonna assume the answer is no, then.”

you shook your head, confirming her assumption. she sighed, squeezing your arm gently.

“these things take time, sweetheart. he’ll answer.”

you set the table for everyone while your parents brought out pots and pans filled with the dishes your mother had prepared.

you gave everyone their glasses as they poured their selection of beverage, most of them just choosing water. you sat in your seat once you were done handing out silverware and plates.

everyone’s plates now had food they’d probably never forget, thanks to your mom’s cooking. the room filled with conversation, your friends conversing with some of your cousins about clothes and shopping while others thanked your parents for the generous invite and spoiling them with meals and gifts.

you smiled at the sight of everyone talking and enjoying each other’s company, while you began making conversation of your own, talking with eunchae about more plans for your winter break.

just then, the door bell rang, causing some of the chatter to die down a bit.

“i’ll get it,” you excused yourself from the table, walking toward the door.

when you opened the door to see who was out there, you weren’t expecting to see the taller male, dark hair sleek and combed back with a strand hanging loosely in the front.

“riki,” you let out a breath before you were cut off with the feeling of his cold but soft lips against yours. to say it caught you by surprise would be an understatement but you reciprocated, your lips moving in sync with his.

your hand came to rest on the side of his face as he bent down slightly, deepening the kiss.

as you both finally pulled away, your fingers rested against your lips, savoring the feeling that you had longed for.

“uhm, i take it you received your gift?” you asked softly, your faces still just inches apart.

“well, i mean…” he chuckled, gesturing towards his lips.

you laughed, looking away from him for a moment as you thought about him reading all the things you said in the letters. how you told him how much you’d liked him since you two started middle school together.

“the feelings’ mutual, by the way.” he nudged you teasingly.

“oh, i think i got that part,” you say, laughing once more, pulling him inside the house and closing the door behind you.

• • •

[acehazbin1]

“Court me.”

Note: Thank you for all your support on Chapter one, Tumblr and A03 have been very supportive!

Tw: no use of Y/n, hand in marriage, Caracalla being in love.

Chapter one

………………

She was tricky to find, he walked the same route every night at the same time yet it was like she had hid away from him. He didn’t know that she had taken a shift for a sick maid and now was back to her normal routine.

He spoke to his brother about a lady had enchanted him leaving out the fact that she was a maid. His brother was intrigued about this woman demanded that she must me found and rewarded. Caracalla agreed to a gesture of gratitude for her but he couldn’t decide which, flowers? No too simple. A game in her honour? Maybe a woman such as her wouldn’t take a liking towards violence. A ring? Yes, his ring, right off his finger.

He found himself wondering how to gift it to her, in a box explaining it was his or maybe pull it off his finger and hand it to her? But which one of his fingers, maybe she would like a sliver one instead? He wandered around the royal garden not noticing the maid tending to the roses.

She noticed him straight away, her eyes followed as he stared at the rings on his fingers. She was about to speak but felt a knot in her throat. He was drunk that night, surely he talk to countless of other servants about his woes. She was nothing special. Plus her uniform was covered in grass stains, no way to approach an Emperor.

“You there.” A voice called out, the maid turned around to see an unfamiliar guard. “Have you seen a maid who last week on the day of mars was working that very night?” The knight coughed up. She was confused, on the day of mars… wait she was working that night. Did she do something wrong? Was her friend in trouble for not being there.

“I’m sorry that was my doing, I was covering for the normal maid’s shift. If I did anything wrong, I accept the punishment.” She gracefully spoke but the guards looked more astonished that the word hasn’t gotten to her that Emperor Caracalla was looking for that woman. Well her. “You are mistaken, Emperor Caracalla has been wishing for your presence.”

Her eyes widened as the roses fell out her hand, the ones she was dethroning. Her mind was spinning, he requested for her? Did he want to make sure she didn’t tell anyone his secrets? Or worse did he want to get rid of her since she knew?

“Please come this way.” The knight spoke up as he gently took her wrist pulling her in the direction of where Caracalla walked. She almost felt his presence getting closer which each step, she followed the knight blindly just trying to take in that fact Caracalla wanted to see her. “My Emperor.” The knight bowed as he addressed him pulling the maid down with him. Caracalla turned around looking frustrated that the guard interrupted his line of thinking.

“What d-“ Caracalla harsh tone stopped suddenly, his eyes locked with the maid’s. It was the same once’s that persuaded his heart to open up with how calming they were. He nearly chocked on his breath, the knight let go of the maid’s wrist but the maid locked onto his hand. She was scared but after a reassuring tap, she let go.

“I’ve been looking for you ever night since we last spoken.” Caracalla’s voice was breathless. She didn’t dare walk closer to him keeping the distance as his eyes remained fixated on her. “Apologies, your highness-“ “Caracalla please,” The emperor interrupted. He wanted her to call her by his first name. Was this a joke? Did he want her to catch her off guard?

Her eyes scanned his face for anything other than the look of pure desperation for her approval, something she took note of. “Caracalla,” she stopped as the name sounded unfamiliar to her. “I wanted to apologise for my inappropriate behaviour, I was too intrusive on your personal matters.”

His heart nearly melted when she said his name for the first time, it felt so right on her lips. Normally he would hate when anyone would address him other than Emperor but this was different. He wanted her to find little nicknames out of his name, he wanted her to giggle it, to whisper it, to cry it and to scream it. His brain finally clicked what she said into effect after a long second so silence.

“Nonsense, I quite enjoy having your opinions on the matter. In fact I wanted to…” Caracalla looked at his hands, then her noticing there was no jewellery so he could not tell if she was a gold or sliver woman. He pulled off a sliver ring with a blue sapphire in the middle, it wasn’t really his taste but it complimented her. “I wanted to show you my gratitude for that night, you stayed with me. No many have.” He looked away for a second but came closer to put the ring on her finger.

“I-I don’t know what to say.” She whispered shocked, she looked at the ring and back up at him. “Don’t say anything but yes to my question.” Caracalla stared at her, how her hair fell out from her face shaping her pretty face. How her cheeks were tinted pink by his boldness to give a lady such as her stature, a ring that would cost her life wages maybe more.

Her heart nearly stopped when she heard a crunch from beneath her, she looked down to see the emperor kneeling. She had the most powerful man in Rome at her feet as he spoke his heart out to her. “Ever since that night of Mars, I haven’t be able to get the illusion of you out of my mind. You have plague my thoughts of your beauty and your words, teasing me with your smiles. I must have your hand.”

He… He was asking to marry her?

She gasped, no she must be dreaming this couldn’t be right. She couldn’t marry him, well more importantly he couldn’t marry her. He was the Emperor of Rome, she was a mere maid of the imperial palace, this would be nothing but a phase until he found a wife. “I’m afraid I must reject.”

Caracalla heart sank, she was rejecting him? No, no, she couldn’t. She heard his frustration of trying to find a wife, she was the one to whisper soft comfort to him, to hold him. Now she was taking that from him? Did she forget the night they shared together under the pale moonlight?

“I’m afraid you don’t even know my name, I am but a maid to you and the senate. All of Rome would reject our marriage.” The maid spoke in a whisper, outlining the issues. Caracalla’s eyes darkened, “I don’t care what they think, you will be my wife, I want you no one else to grow old with, to rule with, to be with. I know we shared one night but I want many others with you.” His voice was upset as it dragged out certain words.

“I want to learn your name.” Caracalla breathed out finally. “I want to learn everything about you…” His hand reached up to hers with the ring. “Just please.”

The maid felt a pain in her heart, she suddenly was plagued with visions of her in a white wedding dress, talking to Caracalla in court about Roman issues, getting flowers thrown at her by the people and raising Caracalla’s heir. She pulled herself out the delusions, they were so tempting and so close almost as if she could touch them.

“Court me.” Her voice spoke up. It wouldn’t ruin his reputation, it would give her some time to ease through ranks so she could be a respectable bride and give him time to learn her name. His eyes blinked a couple of times before nodding hurriedly.

[kawoala]

DRIVEN BY ADRENALINE suna rintarou. chapter 003 ; mcdonalds.

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 (757)

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 (filler chapter, short but sweet, only child! reader, a little angsty in regards to reader beung an only child, just backstory on reader + runa family, profanity, mcdonalds)

a/n: i dont do authors notes, and i probs wont do this again, but i wanted to wish all those who celebrate a very merry christmas !! i hope you eat yummy food and have a great time with your family !

When you get a text from Runa asking to join her for lunch, of course you say yes. It’s your fourth day here and you still haven’t made a peep to any of your classmates. Runa’s kind of the only person you know at university.

You meet her in front of your dorm building and the ride to Mcdonald’s isn’t too long. Apparently, they built this Mcdonald’s last year purely because it’s around a bunch of broke college kids.

Runa orders first and you order the same thing. Who knew you two were so similar? You sit down and, for the first few minutes, you’re both quiet.

Runa breaks the silence first by asking about your family.

“Oh, I’m an only child,” you say with a shrug. “My parents are also both only children, so I don’t really have a big family or anything. I only have a few cousins who are much, much older than me. Courtesy of my great aunts and uncles.” You shrug again and pop a fry in your mouth. “Um, my mom is a pediatrician, so she was never really home, and my dad works for the local newspaper.”

She nods along as you speak, watching you intently. Once you finish, she hums. “That’s too bad. Growing up without a lot of family, I mean.” She frowns slightly. “Your dad is a newspaper guy, though, is that why you want to teach English when you get older?”

“Um,” You think for a moment. “Maybe? I don’t know. I’ve just always been good at English.” You pause, then shake your head. “What about you? What’s your family like?”

Her eyes widen and she suddenly smiles widely. “Oh, I have a huge family. I have three brothers and one sister. I’m the oldest, which,” she rolls her eyes, “sucks, by the way. My mom passed away when I was little, but my dad works for a car company. Not selling them, building them. He’s, like, a genius. That’s why I got into cars. I’m assuming Rin told you about Atsumu’s dad’s car?” When you nod, she nods as well. “Yeah, they were always working on that stupid car. It was, like, twenty years old, but it was cool as fuck.”

You nod, taking a bite of your burger. “That sounds awesome. When I was younger I used to be super jealous of other kids with siblings. My house was always quiet, so I used to turn all the TV’s on and pretend that there were people in the house.” You laugh at the memory, but when you look at Runa, she’s frowning once again. “It’s okay, though,” you try to backtrack. “I liked my privacy, too. I never had to share a room, there was always hot water to shower with, never had to deal with siblings chasing after me with a knife or something.” You snicker and shrug again.

She stays quiet for a long moment. The two of you sit in silence again, just eating your food.

Eventually, you clear your throat. “So, um, what do you do for fun? You mentioned being a manager for your high school’s volleyball team, but what do you like to do now?” You raise your brows inquisitively. “Oh, what are you majoring in?”

“Communications,” she answers quickly. The sudden smile on her face almost makes you giggle. She sure does change emotions rather quickly. “I want to do something to do with public relations, maybe? I don’t know. When I was a manager I felt like I was doing something that fit, you know? So I’m thinking of becoming a PR manager for a sports team or something. Volleyball or maybe soccer.” She shrugs.

“That makes sense.” You nod. “I think you’d be good at marketing, too. You’re very…” you trail off, thinking. “Persuasive.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “I just talk a lot.”

You laugh, too, and look back down at your food. It’s nearly gone, but you don’t think you can finish it. “Do you want the rest of my fries?” You ask.

“Um, yeah, obviously.”

As you laugh once more and hand her the french fries, you can’t help but think that Runa is going to be a good friend. She’s funny and nice and she included you in something dear to her the first day you met her.

You go to sleep that night with a smile on your face for the first time in a while. Similarly, for the first time, you’re excited to wake up with Runa tomorrow.

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

@sahrii , @cherrysurf , @heartmaddie , @jpegarchives , @massacremars

@vertejay , @tiramizuloz , @gumims , @mybelovedvi , @chaotic-neutral-ig

@usbrous , @iheartamora , @iluv-ace , @xavlyzn , @velvetreds

@mysticstrawberryballoon , @h0n3y-l3m0n05 , @aethersluvrr , @smiithys

[vakariansyndrome]

Illario's Little Mouse (Fanfic preview)

@elvhendis This is the kind of brainrot your work has stirred up in me. I hope you're proud of yourself. No, really. This is just a taste. I've been at this for the last three and half hours. No shame. I will finish editing tomorrow (there is a bit more).

This is a spicy excerpt, but nothing super explicit (by my measure). 😏

-----

Illario’s thumb grazed the edge of her jaw as he tipped her chin upward, holding her face beneath his careful touch. In his other hand, he held the rouge—a deep crimson that complimented her complexion perfectly. Or so he assured her.

He leaned in closer, and she could smell the musk of his cologne, rich and sweet with a hint of spice. She studied the lines of his face, the way his lips twitched devilishly as he pressed the lipstick against her mouth. He blotted the color onto the center of her lips with featherlight pats, deftly working outwards to the corners of her mouth.

“Hold still,” he murmured, though it was unnecessary; Rook hadn't dared move a muscle since the moment he touched her.

She did not close her eyes. She did not look away from his gaze. She simply sat there, resting on her laurels as heart fluttered in her chest, blood rushing through her ears until it felt like the only sound in the entire room was their shared breathing.

His breath brushed her cheek, carrying the faint smell of a bold red wine. With his thumb, he carefully shaped and coaxed the color into perfection. The smile on his lips widened slightly when Rook parted her own, but he said nothing. His attention remained fixed on her mouth, rapt.

“There,” he said with a silky whisper, “such a perfect mouth. Full and soft. But not nearly as sinful as it could be.”

Rook looked up at him through thick dark lashes as a simmering heat pooled between her thighs. When his thumb traced her bottom lip, pulling it down slightly, she forgot how to breathe. Entranced, she watched as he brought that same finger to his own lips, dragging his tongue over the digit with a low hum of approval.

The sound slithered down her spine, straight to the ache between her thighs. She couldn't help the needy whimper that escaped her throat. Her stomach tightened, and she trembled under the weight of her arousal, moist and pooling in the lace of her panties.

“Do you know,” Illario practically purred, “how many men would trade their fortunes for a moment like this? Just to hold you here and indulge in this wicked shade against your skin?” He leaned in closer, his lips ghosting over her ear. “But it’s mine to admire, isn't it? Mine to ruin, should I wish to.”

As he spoke, his thumb resumed its path along her bottom lip, tugging and teasing her mouth open again. Unable to resist, she parted them willingly and allowed his touch inside. As soon as the pad of his finger passed over her tongue, he slid another finger past her teeth. Her breath caught in her throat as he pressed down on her tongue, pushing back until she was forced to swallow him deeper.

Illario let out a shuddering breath. "I should kiss you," he breathed, the rise and fall of his bare chest mirroring her own. "Would you like that, mi topolina?"

----

Read the whole thing here!

Thanks for reading! And thank you, Elvhendis, for sharing such beautiful artwork! <3

[tomtenadia]

Of Ice, sneezes and libraries....

Happy Yulemas @goddess-aelin. It took me a while to find an idea for your present and then yesterday it it. I hope it's any good. I just wanted to write a bucket load of fluff and put some babies in it because I love Rowaelin as parents. At the end I play with the carranam blond because I love the idea but in the books is not as used so it appears to create some more magic.

Wishing you happy holidays and I really hope you will love this ❤️

King consort Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius, an immortal warrior who had faced armies, battled countless foes, conquered lands, deposed despots, was exhausted. 

With a deep sigh he let his heavy body collapse on the comfy chair in the library he had built for his wife, in the castle.

His wife, Aelin Whitethorn Galathynius, Heir of fire and a long string of other titles he would playfully call her during adult times. Aelin the love of his life. The woman with whom he had walked out of the abysm he had created for himself.

Lazily his head moved, taking in the vast quantity of books she had collected in the ten years they had been mated. Ten years in which both had worked hard at rebuilding Terrasen after the war. Aelin, while building alliances with foreign lands and him out, on the ground helping their citizens rebuilding what had been destroyed. He was not a man for political intrigue and courtly nonsense. He needed to use his hands. Be active, do something that involved physical labour.

On that day he had finished training some of the new recruits and now he just needed a bit of peace until his wife was free again from the meeting with an ambassador for a faraway land. He was impressed by how she had stepped up to the task of being Queen. With time the council had fully accepted her and slowly, Terrasen had started healing.

He was about to doze off when his keen fae ears picked up a noise a few doors down and with the speed of an immortal he rushed to the room.

Once inside, he started breathing again when he noticed that everything was okay, then his gaze shifted to a specific point where the crib was. There he found a set of eyes as green as his staring back at him.

His smile widened at the sight. Their daughter Aisling was standing up and calling him.

Aisling was born a year before and was his carbon copy, something that Aelin loved to complain about. “You carry them for nine months and they they look like the father.”

It had taken Aelin a while to get pregnant but the moment he felt the spark of life in his wife, he had fallen to his knees and cried while holding her. He was going to be a father. 

“What is it my love?” With long strides he covered the distance quickly and a moment later his daughter was in his arms with her head tucked in his neck. “Did you had a bad dream?”

She sniffled louder and he realised that there was something wrong with her “Are you sick?”

Not a second later a sneeze left her and the room around them plunged into winter.

He looked around with interest “Do you have ice magic like your dad?” A deep grin broke on his face “oh you and I are going to have so much fun with mum.”

Aisling moaned and he woke from his revelry. When she sneezed a couple of more times and the room turned in an icy box he realised something was wrong. He grabbed a warmer cloak and wrapped his daughter in it “let’s go and see the healer before you freeze the entire castle.”

With Aisling tightly in his arms he rushed out of the room and sped up to the wing where the healer resided. Along the way Aisling sneezed a few more times causing patches of ice to decorate the walls. He made a mental note to go back and fix it, but first he needed to look after his daughter.

With his huge form he stormed in the infirmary and demanded to see the healer.

“Your majesty, is everything all right?”

“Aisling is sick she is sneezing and creating ice and she is warm at the same time.”

The healer motioned for Rowan to place his daughter on the bed and Rowan obeyed but hovered close by like the protective buzzard his wife liked to call him.

The healer made his daughter laugh and a few icicles sprouted from the ceiling.

“Curious,” added the man “usually fae kids start to show sign of magic around five but I am not surprised that the daughter of two powerful fae is showing signs this early.”

“Will she have ice magic?”

“It will not settle for a while longer but it looks like for now that’s where she is going. Your majesties will have to start magic training for the princess quite soon.”

Rowan nodded in silence “is she okay?”

“Yes, it’s just common flu.” The man gave the king a bottle with a blue liquid “this should help her. She needs rest, perhaps some milk with honey at night before bed and she will be fine in no time.”

Aisling kept giggling and Rowan picked her up “let’s go back to your room and see if the magic ice is gone.”

While they walked Aisling kept babbling and he loved the sound. Sometimes she used real words that she was picking up from them but others it was total gibberish and he was there for it. He loved to imagine that she was telling him stories of crazy adventures in faraway lands.

After Aelin, Aisling was the second love of his life. Nothing matter when it came to her. Not even the long sleepless nights when he looked after her to allow Aelin some rest. Aisling had been the most perfect of gifts.

“Dada!” Another sneeze and another patch of ice appeared on the tapestry.” Rowan laughed “let’s go and get you your medicine”

“Ice!” She pointed out with het chubby finger

“Yes my love, you have ice magic like dada and I am so proud.” he slapped a loud kiss on her cheek and the girl snuggled close to him.

Ten minutes later they were back in the room, Aisling in bed with no intention of sleeping. A bad bout of sneezing had plunged the room into the ice age. Aisling was now crying and fussing and Rowan had ran out of ideas until he decided to use his favourite trick. In a pop of light he transformed in his hawk form and flew inside the crib and Aisling stopped crying. She studied his form and then patted him babbling happily “biddie!”

He was enjoying his daughter patting his wings that he did not notice his wife stepping into the room.

“Now buzzard, do you miss me so much that you have to turn into a bird to have your daughter cuddle you and stroke your ego?”

Bird Rowan let out a shriek and with his head he nuzzled his daughter’s hand and Aisling hugged him tight “Dada biddie!”

“Come on old man,” Aelin extended her arm and Rowan flew on it. He stared at her with his head slightly tilted in a silent conversation between the two.

Then a pop of light and he was back in fae form at her side.

“Hi wife,” he kissed her, while pulling her to him with a hand landing on her still flat belly “How are you both?”

“Fine, but why is the nursery covered in ice?”

Rowan turned and his head tilted to point at their daughter. 

“Was it her?”

“She has a cold and when she sneezes well…” his arms pointed out at the result.

Aelin squealed and grabbed Aisling in her arms “of course, not only you look like your dad, now you have his magic too? You ungrateful little thing.” A loud kiss on the girl’s cheek “This one better be like me and have fire,” she joked while caressing her belly.

“Mama ‘ove you.” Aisling wrapped her tiny arms around Aelin’s neck.

“I love you too, my baby.”

Once their daughter was in bed, Rowan accompanied his wife in the library. He let her take the big comfy chair while he sat at her feet with his head leaning against her belly, while Aelin scratched his silver hair “what’s wrong with Aisling?”

“The healer says it’s just a cold. He gave her a tonic that will make her feel better, but for a few days we might want to make sure the castle is extra warm,” he looked up “good thing we have a fire fae…”

Aelin smirked “try not to get too close to my flames if you don’t want to sizzle those pretty feather of yours, buzzard.”

Rowan in response kissed her belly “I love your fire, you know that.”

Aelin leaned forward and kissed his head “you were never afraid.”

His piercing gaze met hers “how can I, Fireheart?” A kiss on her hand “you are my equal, my heart, my everything, your fire completes me. My carranam.”

Aelin smiled and slid down, sitting near her husband “what else, my king?” Her tone suddenly changing. Rowan pulled his wife to him and kissed her deeply “maybe we should tell your citizens how naughty you like to be, my Queen.”

Aelin pushed her husband flat on the carpet and straddled him “oh old man, I’ll show you naughty.” Their hands joined together and sparks flew and magic engulfed them. The power of the carranam bond coming alive around them.

“I am yours.” An ancient promise whispered against her lips.

Later that evening they went back to check on their daughter and found the nursery completely covered in ice. In panic, they both ran to the crib and found Aisling deeply asleep under the thick blanket with her arms around the soft toy uncle Aedion had gifted her.

“She is fine.”

Rowan kissed his wife’s head with tenderness while Aelin with her magic dispelled the ice.

“Come on Fireheart, it’s late. Let’s go to bed.”

Aelin threw him a wanton gaze and Rowan lifted her in his arms and carried her to their room  “I’ll show you who is the old man.”

And as they joined in the flesh and soul once again the carranam power spread through the castle and farther out and the first snow of the season fell on the Staghorn mountains. 

taglist

@rowaelinismyotp @swankii-art-teacher @whimsicallyreading @elentiyawhitethorn @aelin-bitch-queen @bruiseonthefaceofhumanity  @mis-lil-red @thegreyj @sailorsassley @leiawritesstories @clairec79 @morganofthewildfire @sv0430 @heartless--aromantic @autumnbabylon @rowanaelinn  @susumaus98  @gracie-rosee @mybloodrunsblue @tanvee1231 @avenrebekah @whoever-you-choose-to-love  @theywillnotsingforme @universallytreepost @black-daisy-water @goddess-aelin @whispers-in-the-darkest-heart @lovely-dove-zee @athena127 @mariaofdoranelle @yashiw @renxzs  @aelin-gods-killer

[astralnymphh]

WELL. F MY LIFE THEN. JUST F IT. now i have to indulge in a commentary reblog.. we know i only do this with masterpieces such as the one i'm about to ramble under.. here we go! gracie has gone and done it again.. my descent to madness is evident in each comment made

Her bed was made.  That’s the first thing you noticed when you crept into her space.

ugh this eerie symbolism.. like it's such a simple thing (AESTRA TRY NOT TO BE INFATUATED WITH SIMPLICITY CHALLENGE) but at this time and in this story, it digs a deeper meaning. just the observation of aberration and shiftings within a room someone has been rotting in. it curdles in the spine quite hauntingly. very nicely done!!!

After walking into that room in the ski lodge and seeing her and Joel bloodied and battered, you cannot get the metallic taste to go away. Everything you ate tasted like it.

this too!! like hello?? memories stippling so hard into one that it affects the other senses.. i can, like, feel the torment beaming off this little paragraph; the torture of a vision, and now an abnormal taste no one should know. jesus..

She finally changed out of the socks that were partially soaked with blood.

THIS!! JUST LIKE THE FIRST PARAGRAPH! it's so simple but put so oddly that it creates this whole other background.. it's like a storm slowly brewing. it does accentuate and ascend to ellie deciding that she wants revenge (Hah. Like the band), because she is finally lifting herself from the rot that leeched. nothing can motivate a person besides an idea. a desperate, destructive idea.

It’s like a release that you have been waiting for. She starts to cry, the air escaping her lungs as she heaves to let out another sob.

whenever i hear that someone is releasing what they've "bottled up" i tend to view it as a purely emotional thing and not a physical thing that you see besides crying. but it's everything that makes up the cry. the air, the breath, the upwards movement of extrication, the squeezing of warmth in your eyes. truly an art in itself to nail crying in a written form. makes ellie feel so much more human.

She grips onto you like you're the axis to keep her world spinning.

jesus cunt.. jiminy christmas.. what else am i supposed to say but JESUSSSS.. POETRY..

Her malicious and unhinged behavior was beginning to frighten you a bit.

THIS IS SO REAL THO?? IT JUST IS?? i'm so finitely sure this is a part of what dina felt at times. like, oh my god. to not watch your lover transform—but to watch your lover transformed, and to have missed this change in the blink of an eye. when had this monstrosity begun, and how deep does it go? thank you gracie for having such a blessedly perfect understanding of ellie from a lover's perspective!!

You watched her twist it and rip it out the side, their blood splattering all over the wall. When the man collapsed, she simply tucked her weapon into her sheath and kept moving. It was so brutal and unnecessary, but she kept telling you they deserved it.

same as this one. to see this twisting of a woman, and understand immediately that she is wrong; she is not correct nor incorrect, but she is in the tooth too deep, rotting it to a point of loss, what she needs the least. she wants to find and serve justice, but she will only drive it away. you can't push hard for anything.

“Els?” You snap her out of her trance-like daze. She has not said anything in about an hour. Your voice is soft and so is your touch on her shoulder. You want to try to pick her brain, something you have been unsuccessful at doing the last couple of weeks. She winces.  “Yeah?” She utters. A bit of phlegm in the back of her throat makes her sound hoarse.

AGAIN. WITH MAKING ELLIE A HUMAN. YOU DO IT TOO WELL I CAN'T ACTUALLY FATHOM ANY OF THIS.

You wished you could read her mind. It would make your relationship with her way easier. After two years, you would think she would be better about sharing her feelings, but she mostly left you to interpret her body language.

canon relationship with tlouuniverse!ellie good god (By Korn).. something about this insecure, or in better words, inherent depiction of ellie makes me love her more. i think ellie would love to tell her girlfriend everything that runs on in her mind. i think it always sits in the base of her throat. but, she can't. there is no reason. she just can't. I LOVE YOU GRACIE.

“I think we need to surprise them at night,” She states, her voice a bit robotic. You just bite the inside of your lip and nod. She was making all the plans, you just had to go along with it.

more canon behaviour breuh.. literally this happened right after reader tried to get in touch with that hidden inside, that true ellie. yet, it was masked over. this alludes so well to a metaphor of possession, which.. they aren't always spiritual. i would even argue that possessions were never meant to be. i think these possessions that come from within, from a bud of despondency, or rage, are true possessions that happen often. it's disgusting to see the one you love taken by it. ergo, Good Job!!!!

You never saw her eyes change when she took a life.

i don't even need to say anything at this point. it speaks for itself.

She heaves and you know tears are spilling from those beautiful green eyes.

"AND YOU KNOW TEARS ARE SPILLING FROM THOSE BEAUTIFUL GREEN EYES." I REPEAT. "AND YOU KNOW TEARS ARE SPILLING FROM THOSE BEAUTIFUL GREEN EYES." UGHHHH I'M KILLING YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I'M ANGRY WITH INFATUATION.

Before you knew Ellie, you knew Joel. You did not understand their relationship, but you knew it was fractured. Joel never talked badly about her, only reminding everyone around him how proud he was of her. Whenever he caught you around the stables, he would ask if you were still hanging out with her. You would always blush and reply quickly, “Yes, of course”. He would smile and tell you how grateful he was to see she had a friend like you.

i love this too much.. joel proud father no matter what.. this adds such a layer to this little universe in this little fic.. i could hug that old man if he wasn't a. fictional and b. 6 feet under.

“How am I supposed to live with that?” She was hurting so badly. Her violent heart has finally had enough.  “You learn how to manage it.”

You stand up so you can face her. Her gaze has softened now and she almost looks like the same girl who confessed her feelings to you at the Harvest Festival two years ago. A little bit older, aged with the falling away of time, but still beautiful and vulnerable. Her green eyes sparkled differently, but your Ellie was still there somewhere.

Girl I'm killing myself in the middle of TjMaxx how do you write such beautiful things.. sabrina carpenter would arrest your Writing.. ugh

The silence tells you the answer but you just look over at Ellie. She has blood pouring out of her nose and it trickles down her neck.  “She got away.”

the one that got away.. stop because that song actually puts tears in my eyes. i will never ever get over this scene of ellie in-game and now. in fics. man you were right about this fic HURTINGGGGGGG.

Every time she would touch you in that way, she was meticulous and very generous. You would try to return the favor and she would shrivel up and tell you that she was okay. It made you feel some type of way, but after the fifth time it happened, you realized it was because she did not feel in tune with herself in that way.

broken ellie who is broken during sex.. most realistic depiction of sex with farm!ellie (from a fully canonical plot) that i've seen on this app. like omg it's so disgusting and heartbreaking to read.. stop this right neow..

You told her that she was beautiful every day. No matter what she was doing, or how she looked, whenever the thought entered your mind, you would say it out loud. Her response was always, “No, you.”

Alright.. you got me kickalicking my feet with this one HUEEHAUHHUEUHEA

She looks at you, tears already welling in her eyes.  “Babe…” You can hear your heartbeat in your ears. “Where are you going?”

NO.. GO BACK.. NO.. DON'T DO THIS.. BJORK HELP ME..NO..NO!!

“I thought I told you that I want to be alone.” And now she would be.

You sick and twisted bastard you're going to receive 100 kisses by post mail I hope you ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAYS and SIT WITH THIS and realize how great of a writer you are no matter how deep in the depths of listlessness or demotivation you are.. please continue writing for ellie oh y god

i bet on losing dogs

pairing: ellie williams x reader

post about palestine - please be aware and know who your content comes from. this post informs you about the tlou writers and creators, as well as how to help the Palestinian people.

description: a slow progression of how you lost ellie.

word count: 3.7k words

warnings: 18+ MDNI, reader is in a relationship with ellie, only angst, small mentions of intimacy, descriptions of violence, mentions of blood, ellie is grieving big time, ellie trauma dumps, ellie gets hurt, reader is described to be scarred and disfigured after seattle, reader is scared of ellie, dark themes in general.

author’s note: just know this was sitting in my docs for a while cause I had a hard time sticking with the grief I felt writing it. I finished it a couple weeks ago and just kept rereading it. I can't keep looking at it anymore. have it. i'm sorry in advance.

Her bed was made. 

That’s the first thing you noticed when you crept into her space. The snow had been piled in front of the door, indicating that no one had come or left. Your boots dusted snow across her old oriental-looking rug. Her back was turned to you.

She looks so small. Her hair is greasy, tousled up in a small bun at the base of her head. She was wearing the same clothes you left her in the day before. 

“Els?”

She turns to you, not stunned, just a bit disoriented. Her eyebrows are furrowed the second her eyes meet yours.

“I thought I told you that I want to be alone.”

The statement crushes you. You inhale deeply, trying to relieve the heaviness on your chest. 

You shake your head, “I’m sorry, I can’t watch you rot in this room anymore.”

She's quick with her rebuttal. “If you would have listened, you wouldn’t have to watch. Just leave me alone.”

But you physically cannot. You have spent days pacing your house, thinking about her withering away in her detached garage. You try to sleep, but you know she’s not, so how could you? 

And you had this bitterness in your mouth all the time now. After walking into that room in the ski lodge and seeing her and Joel bloodied and battered, you cannot get the metallic taste to go away. Everything you ate tasted like it. 

“Ellie-“

“Please, I don’t want to talk.”

Her voice is shaky. You notice she’s picking at her cuticles again, they are red and irritated. She finally changed out of the socks that were partially soaked with blood. 

It had been three days since Joel was taken from her. 

You try to hold your ground, blinking back some tears that slip when she approaches you and takes your arm. She’s guiding you to the door, grabbing the handle. When the door creaks open, you snatch your arm away. You are trying to be patient, but this was the second time she was trying to throw you out. She had done the same to Maria and Tommy the day after Joel died.

“I thought you were fuckin’ dead, Ellie.”

You promised yourself you would not burden her with your emotions. But you could not help it anymore. 

“What?”

She shuts the door, letting more cold air seep into the frigid room. She shifts onto her other heel, crossing her arms. It’s a physical way of blocking out your emotions, a gesture that is so subtle and probably absent of intention. 

“I can’t lose you, too, okay?”

Her eyes finally find yours, “You’re not gonna-”

You reach out to her, pulling her hand out of the crook of her arm. “I am here, okay? I am right here.”

She uses the leverage of you grabbing her hand to reel you into a hug. As soon as your chin rests on her shoulder, she’s dead weight in your arms. It’s like a release that you have been waiting for. She starts to cry, the air escaping her lungs as she heaves to let out another sob. You just hold her, the anxiety of leaving her alone for the last three days now escaping you. You finally felt like you were doing something for her. 

She grips onto you like you're the axis to keep her world spinning. Her whole life depended on the feeling of your body around her. 

You sat with her for a whole day in silence. Not saying anything; just waiting for her to say the word. You knew what was next for Ellie.

She was going to get revenge. 

-

Your shirt was stained with blood and sweat. You told yourself the next department store you saw, you would hunt down a 20-year-old shirt to replace it. 

You were exhausted. You could hardly keep up with Ellie the last mile back to the theater. It was only the second day of trying to hunt down this crew Ellie was hell-bent on destroying. Two days in Seattle and you two have discovered a lot without having any initial leads when you arrived. 

And you did not fault her for being so aggressive, but after the things you saw today, you’re starting to wonder if this was really what she needs. Her malicious and unhinged behavior was beginning to frighten you a bit. 

It started when you entered an abandoned hotel. A couple of infected got taken down by your bullets, but when other non-infected people came running your way, you hesitated. You saw the looks of confusion on their faces when they saw you and Ellie. While you stood and held their gazes, Ellie raised her rifle and executed each one of them without even flinching. The shots were louder than you remember, echoing off the walls peeling of wallpaper. 

Then today, you both arrived at an old elementary school. You were caught up with holding off a couple of people in a long hallway. You yelled for Ellie to wait it out, wanting the people to charge you so you could take them out, but instead, she lit up the entire hallway. When the last person came running at her with a baseball bat, she dodged them and shoved her blade right into their necks. You watched her twist it and rip it out the side, their blood splattering all over the wall. When the man collapsed, she simply tucked her weapon into her sheath and kept moving. It was so brutal and unnecessary, but she kept telling you they deserved it. 

She found who she had been looking for. A girl named Nora. You were in charge of keeping watch while she got intel from her. You heard most of the conversation, but when you heard the sounds of metal clinging, you stepped away from the door. You had to resist the urge not to run in there and stop the torture, but your feet were stuck to the concrete. You did not move, you did not dare. 

She is now digging dirt and blood out of her fingernails with her blade, trying not to accidentally knick herself. Her auburn fringe covers her forehead, greasy from sweat. She is still covered in blood, but you two have not said much since you arrived back. 

She went too far and she knows it scared you. But frankly, she did not care. This was necessary. 

“Els?” You snap her out of her trance-like daze. She has not said anything in about an hour. Your voice is soft and so is your touch on her shoulder. You want to try to pick her brain, something you have been unsuccessful at doing the last couple of weeks.

She winces. 

“Yeah?” She utters. A bit of phlegm in the back of her throat makes her sound hoarse. 

“Can you please let me check on you? Just take off your coat.”

Your hand is still on her shoulder. She does not respond or move, so you take it as she’s submitting to your request. You grab the collar of her rain jacket and slowly start to drag it down her shoulder. She’s still not saying anything. 

You wished you could read her mind. It would make your relationship with her way easier. After two years, you would think she would be better about sharing her feelings, but she mostly left you to interpret her body language. You got good at reading it for a while. But then Joel died. And now she is a silent and bitter ball of rage. Anything you thought you knew about her has fallen to the wayside. 

You slowly take off her layers of clothing, being sure to avoid touching the wounds that have made her skin their new home. 

The one on her shoulder was pretty bad, you think to yourself, she better let me stitch her up. 

“I think we need to surprise them at night,” She states, her voice a bit robotic. You just bite the inside of your lip and nod. She was making all the plans, you just had to go along with it.

“Okay,” You whisper, grabbing a medical kit nearby. You made sure to pack it back in Jackson and it came in handy more than once already.

“Do you even want to know what happened earlier?”

Your heart sinks. You do not want to know what happened. You knew she got what she needed from the girl, but you truly did not know if you wanted to hear the details. The idea that Ellie did more than just beat her makes you physically sick. If she could do that to a stranger, what was she going to do when she got her hands on her? You were not innocent in the chase. But your heart always skipped when you had to pull your trigger at another human being. It was not easy to watch life leave someone’s eyes. But for Ellie it was different. She acted like they were just things. Inanimate objects that needed to be pushed out of the way. You never saw her eyes change when she took a life. 

You grab the needle from the med kit and a nearby lighter before settling on the couch beside Ellie. Her shoulder blade is covered by all the blood creating new dark maroon freckles. 

You tilt her shoulder back to better look at it before finally responding. 

“Didn’t think you wanted to talk about it.”

You know that’s not the answer she wanted. Her shoulders fall forward and she places her face in her hands. She lets out a long sigh, disregarding you as you try to patch her up. She quickly turns around to look at you. 

Her eyes are dark, her lips pursed. 

“I got her to talk. She paid with her life.”

You want to see your Ellie, but whoever sits before you is a stranger. 

You did not want to think about Ellie killing a girl by violently beating her. It seemed so personal and evil. You decide there’s no answer worth saying to her confession, so you just turn her back around and begin your slow, tedious stitching.

Once you finish off the last suture, you stand and bring over a bowl filled with rainwater the night before. You were going to use it for drinking, but you decide it’s better to use it to clean around Ellie’s battered body.

You grab a rag from your pack and dip it in the chilled water. You ring it out and bring it to your stitch work. She is shaking now, but you are so scared to hold her in your arms. 

“The night before Joel… we got into that big fight. I was so fuckin’ mad at him. I went to his house to confront him again.”

She heaves and you know tears are spilling from those beautiful green eyes. “Ellie-“

“I told him I was going to try to forgive him for all the shit he did. I should’ve…” 

You drop the red-stained cloth into the bowl and pull her back into your chest. She’s sobbing, her entire body shaking as you finally accept her into your space. 

Before you knew Ellie, you knew Joel. You did not understand their relationship, but you knew it was fractured. Joel never talked badly about her, only reminding everyone around him how proud he was of her. Whenever he caught you around the stables, he would ask if you were still hanging out with her. You would always blush and reply quickly, “Yes, of course”. He would smile and tell you how grateful he was to see she had a friend like you. 

You loved Ellie. You loved her with every fiber of your being. She helped you through a lot of your grief when you arrived in Jackson. She held you through countless nights when you cried about losing your dad. You never thought you would have to do the same for her. Everyone, including you, thought Joel Miller was indestructible. 

“Ellie, how were you supposed to know?” You ask softly before gently pressing a kiss in the middle of her back. You had never kissed her there before.

“How am I supposed to live with that?”

She was hurting so badly. Her violent heart has finally had enough. 

“You learn how to manage it.”

It was the only way you pulled through. Grief is love expressing itself through other means. When you lost your dad, it was not violent. He was sick and his body was so beaten down, he had no chance of surviving the disease taking over his body. Your grief was managed by reminding yourself that you had to keep living for him because if not, you would be disappointing him. You did not know if heaven was real, but you did believe in energy, and you felt him sometimes especially when you needed him the most. 

Ellie’s grief was different. It was forceful and unyielding. She could not let the hatred go and you did not particularly blame her. She watched Joel get beaten so badly that his face was almost unrecognizable. She had to watch a random woman take him away from her, forever. You could not compare your grief, but you did know that with time, she would know how to better manage it. She just could not get over the contempt for others who wronged her. It was embedded within her to seek out retribution. 

She cried a bit, letting out a long sigh. “The only way I see it is if I give those people an ounce of violence they showed Joel in his final moments, I will be at peace.”

You knew the truth. There was no peace in situations like this. But were you going to tell Ellie that? No, you were not. You traveled hundreds of miles for her to do what she felt was necessary. And while you did not agree with all of her actions, you had been complacent. You were no better than any other person with a violent and impulsive lover. You enabled this journey to come to fruition, so you had to take accountability. 

You stand up so you can face her. Her gaze has softened now and she almost looks like the same girl who confessed her feelings to you at the Harvest Festival two years ago. A little bit older, aged with the falling away of time, but still beautiful and vulnerable. Her green eyes sparkled differently, but your Ellie was still there somewhere. 

“Okay, baby.” That is all you could say. “We will finish it.”

-

When you come back to consciousness, your vision is fuzzy. You are completely disoriented, but you know you are face down on the concrete. You start to feel around for something familiar, not sure if your gun or knife is nearby. You felt defenseless.

“Ellie?” You croak out. As soon as you talk, you can feel blood dribbling down your throat. You hear stirring beside you and your blood runs cold. Is that her?

You lift your hand to rub whatever is in your eyes out. Dirt? Mud? When you look at your hands, you get confirmation that it’s blood. You’re covered in it. 

The movement gets closer and you look to your right and see Ellie’s battered body slowly stumbling towards you. Panic rises within you, unsure if she was mortally wounded or not. She collapses beside you, sitting up partially. She reaches for your hand and you realize that you can hardly move your foot to try to push yourself upwards. Everything hurt. 

“Baby, I’m here.” She finally says. Your worry subsides for a moment as you try to sit up. 

“Are you hurt?” You cry out as you press yourself upwards, the pain in your foot shooting up your leg. It’s almost the worst pain you’ve ever been in. You can hardly breathe once contort yourself to settle next to Ellie’s practically limp body. 

“Yeah, but I can walk.”

You finally remember why you’re in this room. You try to scan the room, but the dimmed lighting and blood in your eyes isn’t helping. “Is Abby dead?” 

The silence tells you the answer but you just look over at Ellie. She has blood pouring out of her nose and it trickles down her neck. 

“She got away.”

-

Every day after Abby got away was completely different. When you arrive at the farmhouse on the hill, you hope to see your old Ellie again, and sometimes you do. 

When the golden light trickled between the leaves in the forest and you two bask in the rays as you forage for berries, you tell a stupid joke and her laugh is guttural. She belly laughs and tells you that you’re so “dumb” before she wraps her arms around your waist and presses a kiss into your temple. 

But then there was nighttime. When she finally fell asleep and you would stay up with a candle burning to read, she was ravaged by nightmares. She usually couldn’t escape them, so you would throw your book on the side table and hold her tightly so she could come back to reality. 

The day would break and she would bring you up some breakfast in bed. She was terrible at cooking, but no one can really mess up scrambled eggs. She would serve them to you with a big goofy grin and long kisses. 

Intimacy was few and far between, but you knew not to press it too much. Every time she would touch you in that way, she was meticulous and very generous. You would try to return the favor and she would shrivel up and tell you that she was okay. It made you feel some type of way, but after the fifth time it happened, you realized it was because she did not feel in tune with herself in that way. 

You told her that she was beautiful every day. No matter what she was doing, or how she looked, whenever the thought entered your mind, you would say it out loud. Her response was always, “No, you.”

After a year of domesticity, you woke up one night to the sound of rustling downstairs and an empty bed. When Ellie did have a bad nightmare, she would occasionally go downstairs and sit on the front porch. But it was a chilly night and you knew better. 

The day before Tommy made an unexpected visit and made an already awkward interaction absolutely deplorable. He had to bring up her and blame Ellie for the outcome of the Seattle event. The entire situation led to you forcing him off the property and telling him to never come back with that bullshit. 

It was a subject you and Ellie never discussed after leaving those city limits. She told you she was done, that it was all over. You would never fight her on it, especially because you knew it was really over. There was no way you would be going after someone who almost killed you and disfigured you. Every time you looked in a mirror, you were forced to see the scars that littered your cheeks and forehead. A sick reminder of the bitter fight between you two. 

You slowly walk downstairs, seeing Ellie’s figure in the kitchen. She has her backpack on the floor, loading a gun into the side pocket. 

“What are you doing?” You ask bluntly. She turns around and you take note of her outfit. A couple of layers. A large brown jacket, jeans, and her Converse. She was going somewhere.

She looks at you, tears already welling in her eyes. 

“Babe…”

You can hear your heartbeat in your ears. “Where are you going?”

You creep up to her slowly, your bare feet creaking across the hardwood. 

She’s a foot away when she finally puts her hands out to stop you from coming closer. 

“I… I think Tommy is right.”

If it was possible for someone to rip out your heart without opening up your chest, it was happening to you right now. This would be the worst pain. 

“Right about what?” You manage as a whisper. 

She takes in a long breath, “About Abby. About going after her.”

“No… Ellie, he’s not right.” 

You try to move closer, but she takes a step back. She’s treating you like you are infected. But even that would not matter, she’s Ellie. 

It makes you feel every negative emotion when she says the words, “I need to finish this. I told you… I told you I wouldn’t be at peace until I-”

“So why did we even come back, Ellie? How is this fucking fair to me?”

“You wanted to. We… we were fucked up. We didn’t have a chance.”

“And you think you do now?!”

She shakes her head, almost appalled by your statement. “I wasn’t broken like you were.”

You close your lids tightly, unsure how you could even look her in the eyes. Your fingernails are digging into your palms. You had this feeling for a while. An unsettled force that would occasionally bloom in the pit of your stomach when you watched Ellie. You would remind yourself that it’s over. The plot for revenge was buried deep in the ground. 

So when she stands in front of you, ready to take off, you feel like you can’t breathe.

“Ellie, if you go, I will never forgive you. I will not wait for you.”

She’s silent, contemplating even for a moment. She has this look of determination. She has already made up her mind. “That’s your choice.”

She starts to pick up the bag, but you make one more silent plea before watching your life walk out the back door. You grab her hand quickly, stopping her from taking any steps. 

“I thought you fuckin’ loved me, Ellie. I thought you said we were done.” You sob out,  “You think Joel would want this for you? Do you really think he would want you to walk out that door?”

Deep down, you know that Joel would have gone to the ends of the earth for Ellie, especially if the roles were reversed. But he would also want her to have a life after him. And you were more sure of that than the latter.

She pulls her wrist away from your grasp. A look of pure betrayal playing across her features. You had not spoken his name in months. It sounds like a curse word to her coming from you. “You don’t know what he would want.”

“And you do?” 

“He would have done the same for me.”

And she leaves. You think back to the first words she said to you when you entered her room over a year ago. 

“I thought I told you that I want to be alone.”

And now she would be.

-

[epickiya722]

bnha 431 was in no way homophobic nor is the epilogue of jjk having the mc get together with a girl is not homophobia ( not making a same sex ship canon isnt in anyway homophobic ( in regards to bnha 431 not throwing out buildup for izuocha just to go with a popular same sex ship isnt homophobia its good writing)

Okay, I wouldn't say "good writing" just because the main boy and girl get together. Most of the time really, it feels like a "must writing".

I know, Izuku and Ochako had some build-up, but that doesn't mean it was really "good". Most of the time, it did feel underdeveloped. Ochako was constantly brought up to be having a crush, yet on Izuku's end we don't even get the word for him.

Even in 431, I wouldn't call it "Good writing" for them because most of the chapter touched on how they were doing in life. There wasn't any mention of romantic feelings. They don't even say the word "date".

It just felt like they would hang out and that's about it.

Same for JJK. I wouldn't say that Yuji got together with Yuko because he doesn't. On the surface level of things, she is still fawning over Yuji who shows zero romantic interest in her.

For all we know, after he settles with everything in his hometown, he'll go right back to Tokyo and continue being a sorcerer and probably never see Yuko again.

Her whole epilogue just felt like it was showing more of the kind of person is. I know the whole "snow is romantic" thing, but snow also has different meanings. In this case, Yuji's connection with snow is shown again. Previous times was with Mahito and when he recalls a fond memory of Wasuke, his grandfather, to Sukuna.

While MHA 431 and Yuko's epilogue may seem romantic, and you can see them as such if you wish I'm not stopping you, to me... they really just lack romance and could just mean something else to their respective stories.

No, a girl and a boy getting together isn't homophobic, but that doesn't mean they win in the love department either. The gays may not win, but the straights aren't particularly winning either.

[citrusandrottefruit]

Diagnosed with Hanahaki, a genetic autoimmune disease, as a child, Steve has learned to live with it. Along the way, he finds a family and falls in love with Eddie. He is never cured, but he lives.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

The conversation with Jonathan and Nancy couldn't be called easy, but it was manageable enough for Steve to do it at a time that wasn't even planned. Maybe it was the lack of planning that made it easier, maybe it was the practice he'd been getting over the last few weeks. 

Jonathan apologized profusely, for the pictures he'd taken in '83, for the punch, and for having gotten together with Nancy before she and Steve had actually broken up. Nancy was a little more complicated. Her apologies only came after a lot of pointing out, about all the times she hadn't noticed what was going on with Steve, and she ended up feeling so bad and guilty that Steve almost had to console her.

Luckily, Jonathan had the good sense to try to hold back their emotional response for later, and they both tried to act normally. The next time they met, it was impossible for Steve to help but notice how worn out they both looked, with even bigger bags under their eyes than usual. So, they had to talk a second time, just to make sure that no, Hanahaki didn't start because of either of them and with everything related to the Upside Down happening, they were far from having caused his health to worsen.

It was a lie, but there was no point in wanting them to blame each other after all this time, especially just because of Hanahaki. Steve wished things between the three of them had been simpler, but the illness had nothing to do with it. And after all, compared to everything that had happened, it wasn't that important.

In the midst of all this, he kept talking to Eddie. He shared the fact that his parents' marriage seemed to have improved after his mother was diagnosed and he had never been able to understand that.

He told her how his mother seemed like the protagonist of a dramatic movie, always suffering with such elegance. He remembered one week, when she was bedridden at home, he had to get up very early to get her makeup and help her brush her hair, even though a nurse would come in later and do exactly the same thing.

When he asked about it, his mother said, “I don’t want to be seen like that, Steve.” 

At the time, he didn’t understand, but he was happy to be of service. Months later, when he was diagnosed, he remembered that day and was even more confused, because it was so tiring just to exist, how could he care how shiny his hair looked? When his cheeks were flushed and his lips were soft? 

It took him years to realize why it felt so good to try to take care of his appearance when there was so little he could do for his own body. It was comforting.

But he didn’t share that memory with Eddie. Not yet. 

He just kept talking about his parents. About how Mrs. Harrington liked to have romantic dinners regularly and she had mentioned about ten honeymoons. It was one of her favorite topics of conversation, and she especially loved trying new hobbies or even sports during those trips. His father was okay with it, just so she would be happy.

“I don’t think she wanted to be a mother, just my father’s wife.”

“Absurd!” Eddie exclaimed, anger hidden under theatrics. He let go of the steering wheel for a moment before gripping it tightly, pulling the van into the center of the correct lane. That day, Steve had his monthly checkup and Eddie asked to accompany him, promising a movie afterwards, in a neighboring city. “How could anyone choose your father over you?”

And there it was, once again, Eddie’s ability to make the wounds that Steve hadn’t even mentioned hurt less.

“It’s just that she’s always been in love with him. When I was a kid, I thought it was the most romantic thing in the world. I even wanted to have the same thing.” He laughed thinking about the absurdity of it. “To love so much that even if that person made me feel so much pain, they would also make me very happy.” Steve sighed, serious again. “But I still want someone who would stay with me on a romantic night or sleep in an uncomfortable chair in the hospital.”

Before Eddie had time to say anything, he turned up the volume of the music.

A few hours later, he confessed that Mr. Harrington was that person to his mother, but not in the right way. Because he indulged in his illness almost like a hobby, very involved in it until he was not around Mrs. Harrington and something else caught his attention. 

Steve noticed this when his father called and informed him, very casually, that she was in the ICU. He would spend a fortune to make her live well, yet he seemed barely able to realize that her life was in danger.

A few days later, with the test results in hand and feeling stronger, he invited the kids over for a movie night at his apartment. Hopper offered to help tell them and was so worried that he decided to spend the night at a diner when Steve refused. Joyce, less extreme, promised to be just a phone call away. 

Jonathan and Nancy weren’t there, because they all figured the kids would be less upset if it wasn’t obvious that they were the last ones to find out. 

Guys.” Steve clapped his hands together, then put them on his hips, standing in front of the TV. “I have an announcement to make.” 

“Are you serious?” Mike yelled. “We’re here for the movies!” 

“Shut up, idiot.” 

“We’re here for the movies,” Dustin interjected into the fight that was already starting to form between Max and Mike. “But we’re going to listen to Steve.”

“You’d hear it anyway, you know, we have three adults here to keep you brats in check.” Robin stood next to Steve and began clapping her hands until everyone was quiet. “Steve.” 

Then she went to join Eddie, who was standing behind the kids, silent and watchful. 

It was good to have them both there, someone to look at without letting himself be consumed by terror.

“This has nothing to do with the Upside Down, but it’s very important, so I’ve already talked to Hopper and Joyce too and I don’t want you to get upset, okay? I’m going to talk to everyone about this in the way I thought would make this easier.”

At this point, no one seemed more scared than Max or Dustin. Even Mike, who was trying to keep his expression irritated, looked worried and was the only one who had the courage to speak up.

“Why make such a mystery? Just say it.”

“I’m sick. Hanahaki.”

There were no more movies for the rest of the night, just tears, screaming and hugs. Max barely left Steve’s side and Dustin kept checking his pulse, as if he couldn’t see with his own eyes that Steve was alive. They also had to explain Hanahaki to El and she was so upset that she joined Max. Lucas did too, after a few minutes. He and Will were the quietest, looking too shaken to know how to react.

Dustin got irritated and started talking nonstop about the health care system. Eddie, finding resonance in Dustin’s feelings, also started roasting the pharmaceutical industry.

They all slept together, huddled together, in the living room.

In the middle of the night, Mike, having the same thought as his sister, asked if Nancy had anything to do with it and after being assured that she didn't, Steve realized that he would once again need to educate the people he loved about how Hanahaki really worked and about his family.

When everyone finally left in the early evening of the next day, he only had a few hours before he realized that he would probably need to have a walkie-talkie on him at all times, because everyone wanted to make sure he was okay.

The next time he and Eddie were alone together, Steve continued to talk.

It was a little embarrassed that he confessed that, although he had always wanted his parents’ love, he was relieved by the huge distance between them, because he wouldn’t have to worry about being the cause of his mother’s downfall. Because he couldn’t even imagine what it was like to be so loved by someone who had a disease so influenced by emotions. It seemed terrifying.

“I must be very selfish.”

“For wanting to preserve yourself? Everyone wants that, it’s not selfish, it’s human.”

“I didn’t give you that option.”

Eddie grabbed Steve by the shoulders so they were face to face.

“You did. You practically put a warning sign on your forehead. We all chose to stay here. Because you’re part of our lives and we love you, Hanahaki isn’t going to change any of that.”

Careful with every move he made toward Steve, Eddie leaned in until he could put his head in the crook of Steve’s neck, for the first time in a long time looking like he was the one who needed comfort.

Steve couldn’t describe how happy he was that he could still provide that and tightened his arms around Eddie.

“If it were up to me, you know where we’d be right now. You’re the one being so careful about this, so I don’t regret it. Don’t ever insinuate that you’re selfish for allowing us to feel the joy of being in your life.”

Steve didn't know if he could ever stop feeling guilty, but he would try.

One afternoon, when Steve came home from his shift at Family Video, he found Eddie standing at his door, a folder full of papers in his hand. He didn’t say anything, just waited for Steve to come in and followed.

“I did some research,” he announced and waved the papers. “Dustin helped me a lot, because he’s much better at research than I am.”

And Eddie launched into a somewhat confusing monologue about how 4.4 out of every 500,000 people had the Hanahaki gene and only a few of them actually had a real chance of developing the disease, and even in those cases, environmental factors were very important. In conflict zones, for example, the chances of acute and fatal manifestations were up to 300% higher than in other patients. 5 to 10% of carriers would be lucky enough to only have mild symptoms even under periods of intense stress, but without proper treatment, even those people would be at very serious risk.

Almost all of Hanahaki’s patients who survive the first two years require at least one transplant at some point in their lives. He talked about the complications, the lacerations of internal organs, the blood clotting problems, the cirrhosis, the hypertension, the encephalopathy.

“Steve, I said I’d do my research, and I did. I’m not a smart guy, not that smart.” He held up a piece of paper at random. “I’ve never been interested in medicine, and I’ve never been good at science, so there are some things I may not have understood that well, but I’ve learned a lot. I’m not going into this blind. I know what the expectations are here, I’m a grown man and I can make my own decisions. And I want you. I’ve wanted you, somehow, since high school, I wanted you when I saw how the kids adored you, I wanted you when you came to me even though everyone thought I was a murderer. I wanted you when I saw you take off your shirt, when you jumped in the lake, when you fought the Demobats, when you walked with me through hell. When you pulled me out of there. I’ve wanted you constantly, all the time, for all these months.” He took a deep breath. “I want you. I love you.”

Steve knew that no matter how happy he was, there would always be things that would hurt him. He would always have scars on his lungs, roots tangled in his ribs, internal bleeding, shortness of breath, injuries… There would always be a million problems, one after the other. Maybe he only had a few years left.

But Eddie knew that too. He knew that sometimes he would need to take care of Steve, and that he would need to learn to control his anger better, that he would always have to be careful when he communicated a problem, that he would need to offer reassurance and remind Steve that he was loved. He knew it would be hard. He knew the risk of coming out of this with a broken heart.

Even knowing the potential disaster, Steve kissed Eddie knowing it would be worth it.

[brkmysoul]

heyyy guuuys gentle reminder that you should be aware of the fact that friendship is a two way street🫶 and its okay to relay on your friends but you also should check out how they are feeling and making sure you are there for them when they need you🫶🫶🫶

[talesfromawannabewriter]

@things-arent-what-they-seem66

@beef-brisket

(sorry for the wait this one took a while to do)

Lucifer was tossing and turning in his bed unable to sleep. He was in his suite at the hotel. When he left the rockstar he had two choices of where to go. The hotel or his manor. Right now Lucifer couldn’t stomach the idea of going back to a house that was built on false promises and words.

He felt down right sick the more he thought about it. When he had looked into Adam’s mind he saw everything. Every last memory from the time he was created to the last few minutes. That included all his memories that had Lilith in them. What he saw made him want to go back in time and curse his young self for being so stupid.

Adam was right Lilith never was under his control. He was under hers. He saw how she was constantly ordering him around. Telling him how he wasn’t doing anything right. Then in one memory he still saw when he closed his eyes was her choking Adam.

It was another one of their arguments when Adam decided to try and walk away. She tackled him and wrapped a strong pair of vines around his fragile neck and pulled. He could only watch as she almost killed him that day. This was the same woman he gave everything up and betrayed his best friend for. He thought he knew her, he thought she was his soulmate.

But he was wrong. It only got worse from there, the details weren’t meant to be shared. All he could say was that Adam lived a life of hardship. All thanks to Lucifer. Then he got to a somewhat recent memory.

It happened seven years ago.

The day Lilith left.

She had called a meeting to discuss the proposition of making a deal. She wished to leave Hell along with her position as its Queen. She would never contact nor use her powers against Heaven against Hell ever again. In turn she would be granted paradise. He knew she wasn’t happy with him for the longest time.

To do this though? To abandon her duties and everything they built and rebelled for. Then he thought of their daughter. Their poor, sweet, girl completely oblivious to her mother’s whereabouts. Only that she left.

And she wasn’t coming back.

But that wasn’t what broke him. It was just the icing on top of the shit filled cake. The thing that absolutely recked Lucifer was back when Adam and Eve had just left the garden. They were commiserating over being tricked by people they thought cared for them. Especially the bright eyed angel.

The first man then told the second woman something that Lucifer had never even thought was possible. He told her that he loved him.

Not just the usual love for a friend, but in love with him. Or at least he used to be.

That did it. That was the final straw that broke the camel’s back and opened the flood gates. His best friend was in love with him. The truly shocking thing was…he was too.

Back in Eden, before everything went to complete shit, he was deeply enamored with the first man. He just didn’t know how to say it. Then Lilith came along and he saw how happy was with her. Or at least he thought they were. Thinking he’d never look at him like he looked at her. Then the lies started and it just became one big fuck fest, with Lucifer leading the act.

As he wallowed in his self pity he couldn’t help but think, ‘Can I fix what has been broken?’ Or was the damage too big and irreversible? Because deep down, way beneath within him, past the resentment and anger there was still love for him. Love that never died.

He couldn’t give up. He wouldn’t give up. He would make things right. He had to.

Lucifer internally: I will fix this, I swear to you Adam. I will fix this.

—

Adam exhaled in bliss as he fully emerged in the warm water. A week had passed since the incident and Adam had felt ready enough to go back to his penthouse. Verosika said that she’d check in on him and make sure he was doing alright. Even offering to stay for the night. Have a little slumber party she said.

He was more than okay with it. In fact she would be arriving later this evening once she was done at the studio.

So far Steve hadn’t shown up. Yet anyway. He tried to not think about him and just allowed himself to relax in his jacuzzi that sat on his balcony that overlooked the streets of Lust. He slowly closed his eyes, leaned back against the jets, and listened to the sounds of his city. He was finally at peace.

Until…

Lucifer: Howdy do Adam!

His eyes shot open as he took in the sight of the king of Hell standing right outside his hot tub with a stupid grin on his face. Adam glowered and closed his eyes again hoping that he was just imagining things. He wasn’t so lucky.

Lucifer: I know that last time we spoke we left things…

Adam: On an almost murder?

Lucifer: Tense, I was going to say we left things on a tense note. But I think I know how to make up for that. A snap of his fingers and Lucifer was now naked and in the hot tub with Adam. Disgust crept up his throat as Lucifer swam over and caged him on either side with his arms. He was smirking down at Adam, not in his usual way, but with something…lustful.

Lucifer: As king of Hell I’m sure I can make you feel real good. I can make you see the Heavens above as you writhe in the sheets.

Was this man for real?

Not that long ago he almost killed Adam. Twice! Now he wanted to wet his dick in him? Adam merely rolled his eyes before managing to push Lucifer off him and got out of the tub.

Adam: True poetry Lucifer, I’m sure in your mind such words would have had me swooning by now. And yet…

Adam reached over to grab his robe and put it on while Lucifer sat in the jacuzzi muddled. He was so sure that would work. Succubi and incubi feed on lust so he figured that would be the best way to make up to him. He wasn’t lying when he said he was great in bed. At least he thought so.

He got out of the tub and with his magic made it so he was back dry and in clothes. Lucifer: I…well I uh…I did think that would work since your kind typically like it when their talked to dirty.

Adam turned his head to deliver a harsh glare.

Lucifer: Adam I…I just thought it was the best way to break the ice was to break the bed hehe.

Adam: Well I’m sorry your highness but you are the very last person I would even consider ‘breaking the bed’ with. So good day!

He tried making his way to the door but was unable to with Lucifer in the way.

Lucifer: Adam wait! Listen when I saw your memories I saw everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Even your feelings for me.

Adam: What? Complete utter loathing?

Lucifer: No! I know that you love me.

Adam narrowed his eyes. He considered the possibility that he’d see those memories. It didn’t matter though.

Adam: Loved. I loved you Lucifer. Past tense.

Lucifer: Come on you can’t tell me you don’t still hold to your fatal attraction for me because I sure do.

He said giving him a wink and a pose. Hoping that it would at least get Adam to blush. All it served was make Adam even more uncomfortable.

Adam: (scoffs) After all the shit you did to me? I think not. Now if you’ll excuse me I already have enough on my plate. I don’t need you adding on the stress.

Adam stepped around him and tried opening the door but found it locked. He tried over and over again but it wouldn’t budge. He knew exactly who was behind this. He turned around and crossed his arms staring down at the devil.

Adam: Very mature for an older ten thousand year old king.

Lucifer: Look you're mad, and you have a right to be, but I have the right to at least explain my side of the story!

Adam: Like you allowed me to explain my side of the story in Eden?

Lucifer: I was tricked!

Adam: So was I! But at least when you fell for being tricked by her you received a whole entire kingdom to do as you pleased. Me I got kicked out of paradise and had to survive not only for myself but my wife and children. Meanwhile you’re living it up with a hottie on your arm claiming yourselves as rulers of your banquet of madness!

Lucifer: For your information my powers to Hell didn’t come in until I fully embraced my prideful nature.

Adam: Which I imagine didn’t take long, what about Lilith though how long did it take her to discover her powers?

Lucifer: …A few days after we fell but-

Adam laughed sardonically.

Adam: You’ve been painting yourselves as victims this whole time when the real victims toiled and suffered on Earth. All while you lounged about displaying your power and demanding respect when you’ve done literally nothing for your people.

Lucifer: Hey I’ve done plenty as king!

Adam: Yes, like the caste system for the hell born you helped create.

Lucifer: That was Satan! Not me! I didn’t do anything about it.

Adam: Just like you didn’t do anything about Lilith riling up Heaven to spite them which initiated the extermination.

Lucifer: Oh? So I was just supposed to make her stop?

Adam: YES! This whole time you had the ability to stop what she was doing but you didn’t! And you know why that is? Because you care more about making the wrong people happy than those who actually care about you!

Lucifer: HA! You do still have feelings for me!

Adam felt his eye twitch.

Adam: UGH YOUR IMPOSSIBLE!!! The only reason we both know you're here Lucifer is because you feel sorry not for me but for yourself and want to make yourself feel better.

Lucifer: I do NOT feel sorry for myself I do care for you Adam I always have!

Adam: Then why didn’t you ever tell me? Why now? After everything? After your wife left you and seen all the shit she’s done? Is it because your little fantasy of her is ruined and you need a replacement. Otherwise everything you fell for, love and rebellion, both made and encouraged by Lilith, would have been for nothing.

Lucifer bit his lip hard, his fangs drawing blood as he kept trying to make some kind of comeback. Lucifer: I, I, I…What the actual Hell do you want from me Adam!? I can’t go back in time and change history! If I had that power I would but I can’t! Adam: No but you can start by admitting you were wrong. Or at the very least a simple ‘I’m sorry Adam’. But no that’s just too hard of an ask is it? Because you’re the king of Hell, the literal devil, and he’s never wrong is he?

Lucifer: Exactly! I’m not in the wrong! This all of this was just…a misunderstanding. Because at the end of the day I was still am the victim! The victim of Heaven, the victim of Lilith, and the victim of my love for you!

Adam wanted to feel anger, sadness, maybe even pity at him but all he felt was numbness. He never would change would he?

Adam: Do you feel any kind of remorse for what you do? Have you ever once even attempted to apologize?

Lucifer: What you think I should get on my knees begging for your forgiveness and admit that I’ve always loved you ever since you were created but was terrified of rejection and what Heaven thought. But most especially what you would say since you were always so loyal to Heaven and didn’t want to make them upset. But I never should have let it cloud my judgement and hurt you, because hurt you I did repeatedly throughout your existence. And that I should’ve taken the time to at least acknowledge the pain I caused. Because I was convinced since the beginning that you’d never dare to look at me! Is that it?!

Adam: …Yes actually.

Lucifer made a face like he sucked a lemon.

Lucifer: …Well fuck you! And fuck any chance of an apology you think you deserve! Because you don’t! Adam didn’t listen as he finally got the sliding door to open and stepped inside.

Lucifer: And another thing I can apologize but I’ve never had the reason to! But I can, I can apologize to anyone for no apparent reason! Just not you! Not with all the other shit you’ve pulled! You hear me!? I don’t owe you dick!

Adam had enough and slammed the door behind him. Leaving Lucifer panting and trying his best to keep the tears at bay.

Lucifer: …Everyone but you.

Succubus au

@beef-brisket

@fanofstuff01

(This au was originally on @things-aren't-what-they-seem66blog and was originally thought of by an anonymous ask)

The roaring of the crowd and the playing of his guitar deafened his ears but the incubus didn't care. He loved the way they cheered his name while he shredded on his axe. With one final strum, his song was done. He raised his arms and gave the horns, to which his fans reciprocated, and bid them all goodnight. He walked away his hands still raised until he was out of sight from them. Adam sighed heavily and wiped the sweat with his forearm as he made his way to his dressing room.

Once there he flopped onto the couch and groaned. Though Adam loved being a rockstar and having adoring fans, he wouldn't lie to himself, each performance, especially concerts, can be quite draining since he always had to prepare with mic checks and making sure he sounded right. Steve, his producer/manager/on-and-off-again fling, always assured him that these were mandatory. Just one of those sacrifices that come with being a star. Still, Adam felt a little like shit and he needed a drink, a hard one. Unfortunately, his evening wasn't quite over yet as knocking was heard from the other side of the door then a voice called out.

Assistant: Excuse me? Commander? I'm sorry for bothering you but I brought the VIP guests here with me.

Adam sighed completely forgetting about that. Almost all VIPs get access to meet him after every show. Though he loved his fans coming to him and saying how much they loved him, maybe even getting some head from the older crowd, tonight, he didn't want to. However, he knew that he didn't have much of a choice. Unless he wanted Steve up his ass, and not in a good way. Letting out a long groan he sat up, rubbed his eyes, and yelled out to her.

Adam: Bring them in.

He closed his eyes and sighed once again as he heard the door open and feet shuffle in. He prepared himself for the immediate responses of squealing and clamoring over to shake his hand. However, he was not prepared for a familiar voice to call out his name.

Charlie: A, Adam?

He opened his eyes and standing in front of him were Charlie, Vaggie, and a one-eyed sinner.

[raticalshoez]

i'm having hyperfixation drought so i did what i did best and created a crossover episode

[milolunde]

We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda

[cent-scratchnsniff]

i was rereading the story dialog for the sephirah while ago (upper layer so far considering i have a doc to contain all of my ramblings and thoughts once looking it over and getting actual lines to be able to know exactly what was said to base my feelings off of rather than the pure unfiltered pain or i suppose somewhat shock at first and those garbled memories of what happened) and after reading tiphereth's and then going to netzach's again it's just.

imagine you have to see what is deemed your other half, the person keeping you sane, your only companion you actually love and like, your literal ‘twin’ have to get crushed but some bum that never does his job and can easily be seen as 'not meeting standards' does get the same treatment at all when your own brother had been destroyed for less like spiraling into some dangerous stains of thoughts (thought be fair he did end up not as respondent and at that point already had what i'll inadequately describe as 'memory leakage' . But from the general idea of the side of tiphereth). he'll be more better than that drug addict ever will be in her eyes, someone who can't even do a report on time and even then is half assed to where at that point they'd just do it themself in the first place. he'll be way better, someone who is quite literally her family. yet why is her brother the only one that needs to suffer through that constant degradation of the soul? the constant wiping of the self? the memories made and lost? why the hell is someone that should deserve it in her eyes, someone so unmotivated and lazy, someone who she deems as a person not able to do a single thing right, not having that happen to them? why is it the person she loves so dearly, so close to her that she wishes would've stayed instead of some now hollow husk and imitation of imprinted memories when that hasn't happened to Any One Else? why does she have to go through all of that, having to see someone that she used to know and adore turn into a hollow husk and imitation of what once was - having to feel as if shes already looking at a walking corpse with memories shoved inside - just for someone like Netzach to not end up crushed to pieces.

[theokusgallery]

I hate that I have reoccurring themes in everything I make. YES this guy has a complex over the fact that everyone prefers his sibling AGAIN. YES he was ostracized by his peers since he was in primary school and never knew why until years later. URGH