#but i just showered i dont wanna go outside to take more pics

[ino]

it's so quiet

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Can u do a Tom Holland x black actress reader( plays black cat ) has to dye hair silver they are costars in ffh now they are in Spider-Man 3 and they were fwb and now there filming Spider-Man 3 ( they all live in the same house ) and she gets pregnant but ends up having a miscarriage 🥺 and she only tells one person ( zendaya ) and z accidentally tells Tom and he goes crazy on set and security has to get him and he starts yelling at you he gets heated maybe ending in fluff.

THIS IS NOT MY BEST WORK BUT I DID TRY! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK- REQUESTS ARE CLOSED BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE-

Summary: oof

Warnings: fighting, 🔴TW MISCARRIAGE🔴 (bleeding, stomach pains) flushing toilets, people who thought wrong, crying, snapping, fluff, NOT PROOF READ- SORRY I DONT HAVE ANY OTHER PICS THIS IS SOOO LONG- FOR WHY?

You smiled as you looked at the test, thinking about having a child, until you thought about how Tom would feel. You bit your lip as you wrapped the test in toliet paper and threw it in the trash, you stood up and lifted your underwear and pants, very much excited and you washed your hands smiling to yourself in the mirror, you exited the bathroom and laid down with Tom again, he wrapped his arms around your waist “morning” he whispered, kissing your nose. “Morning” you smile, kissing his lips as he was to lazy to kiss back.

“I’m kinda hungry, I’m gonna go in the kitchen” “alright” he he let you go and you went to the kitchen, finding zendaya with the milk in her hand. “Hey” she smiled. “Hi” you shyly said. “What’s going on?” She asked, confused at your words, you quickly sat down next to her. “Well I know you don’t know this so don’t say anything, but I’m pregnant-“ “and who’s the dad?” You sighed before anwsering “Tom”. Her mouth fell agape as she overfilled the bowl and started flowing out. “I- what?” She whispered. “Toms the father” you whispered.

“Do you think he’d be happy?” She says, putting the milk down. “I don’t know” you shrugged. “I’m hoping that he will be-“ “good morning!” Haz says walking in looking at you both as you waved. “Welp we have work soon, we need to dye your hair” “then let’s do it at home!” You smiled, zendaya and haz looking at you as if your crazy. “Do you wanna be bald?” Harrison asked. “Shut up I trust you guys” “but we don’t trust ourselves”

You and Tom had a bond that nobody had, it’s nice honestly, you both started to be fwb whenever, I forgot so I can’t tell you. You killed the audition, had the perfect body, you were just perfect, you and zendaya became instant best friends, Jacob embarrassed himself infront of you which made you bond and haz and you got an emotional connection pretty fast.

“ITS BURNING!” you yelled, turning on the cold water and putting your head under it. “God dammit y/n I told you we shouldn’t have done this” Harrison rolls his eyes. Tom helps you rinse it out, massaging your scalp as he silently laughed at you “if you end up bald we still love you” he commented. “Don’t even Tom” you rolled your eyes, butterflies in your stomach.

It went magnificent! You flat ironed your hair as everyone high fives at their work dancing around you as you moved your waist. You and the rest of the crew went to your dressing rooms, Tom came to yours to get dressed with you. “You look amazing” he complamented, you look at yourself in the mirror, smiling to yourself as you told him thank you, he came behind you and gave a squeeze to your boobs as you let out a shriek. “Ow!” You say grabbing them. “Did I squeeze to hard? What- I squeeze you the same all the time!” He panicked, wondering why your boobs were so tender. “It’s fine they just hurt” you waved it off. “Why?” He asked, “I’m gonna start my period soon” you lied, he nodded at you and ask you to zip him up which you did.

“Alright!” The set manager says, you got ready, on a fake roof about to flip down. “And-“ the person snapped the take part and it was your time to shine.

Black cat flipped down meeting. “Peter Parker is it?” She asked hands behind her back as she walked around Spider-Man. “No- I’m Spider-Man” “stop lying, your boring me already” she said, rolling her eyes. “You sound like someone familiar- Felicia?” He asked, looking at her. “Peter?” She laughed.

“This doesn’t make any sense, your nice!” “And this isn’t nice? Sometimes being nice doesn’t get you anywhere” “look at where it got me!” He yelled raising his arms up like he’s a big shot. “You suck man” she only said. He webbed her hand a punched her in the stomach, making her groan and swipe his feet, climbing ontop of him and starting to claw his face,

“And scene!” You rolled off of him and next to him “nice job” you said. “Pound it” he whispered, raising his fist which you agreed, you gave him a fist bump.

As the week went by you got mood swings, you and Tom hasn’t had sex because you were to fragile, you were currently laying down with zendaya on your phone, silently chatting through text messages. You stomach started to cramp, slowly, as it turned into severe stomach pain, “fuck!” You shouted, holding your stomach. Zendaya placed her phone down as she looked at you “what’s wrong?” “Shit shit shit!” You screamed, clutching your stomach tightly, falling off the bed, holding onto the sheets with your free hand. “Y/n talk to me! What’s wrong?” Tears filled down your face “I-I don’t know- OW!” You sobbed as your stomach cramped more, looking down at your white leggings and seeing blood leaking out of it, zendaya quickly came out of bed and looked at your figure, taking your hand and pulling you to the bathroom, she helped you pull down your pants and your underwear, a bloody mess as you continued to cry, stomach to cramped to even sit down on the toliet.

“I can’t zendaya” you cried, “you have to sit down y/n, use the bathroom” you sat down on the toliet, pushing out something, it didn’t feel like you were pooping, it felt like something slipped out. You gasped as you tried making it leave out of you, squeezing zendayas hands for support as you cried more. “Zendaya?” You asked weakly. “Yes” she replied, worried about you. “Something doesn’t feel right” you looked in the toliet and so did zendaya, finding something in there, someone in there. You closed your legs and weeped, “my baby” you whispered, to desvesistated to talk out loud you didn’t let go of the word baby so quickly, zendaya fell down to her knees and hugged you, hearing your loud cries, sobs, just begging for air, for hope, like that wasn’t what just came out of you. “Zendaya-“ you sobbed “my- my baby” she only hugged you tighter. She started to cry with you, her face in your neck as you cried weakly, the blood in the toliet and the loss of your child. “I’m so sorry- I’m so sorry” she repeated, you held onto her, or at least trying to, your hands shaking as you sucked in your lip. She kissed your cheek on repeat, holding on to you so tight as you were shocked, everything went so fast, only a week past, you couldn’t even comprehend what just happened. It all went down to your stomach, your fear, your anxiety, it was all quaking.

You pushed zendaya away as you threw up in the shower right next to it, almost choking on it, you tried to breath and zendaya helped, “count-count y/n” she reminded you, she counted with you, slowly in and out as you calmed down. “Do you wanna flush?” She asked quietly. “Yeah” you sighed, you got up, pulling up your pants and looking at the small, very small body, you swallowed and zendaya took your hand, signaling you aren’t alone, your shaking hand heastantly flushed the toliet, she pulled you in for a tight hug. “Your gonna take a bath, I’m gonna clean you up and we won’t talk about it”she whispered. “I have to clean it up” “no I will, just go ahead on your room and I’ll set you up for a bath” she whispered. You let her go slowly and made quickly made way to your room, it was no one their but you and zendaya but that’s embarrassing.

You swallowed thickly as you waited for zendaya, mentally counting and zendaya came in, turning on your bath and running it to a tempeture, a nice one. “Hey can you clean yourself up before you get in the bath?” She asked and you nodded, taking care of yourself as zenday stood outside waiting for you. “I’m ready” you whispered, but loud enough for zendaya to hear, you went inside the bathtub, hugging your legs and resting your head on your knees. Zendaya grabbed a wash cloth, dipping it in the water and gently runner it over your back. “I know your not okay but if you need something I’m here, I’m right here” she reminded you, you only nodded as silent tears ran down your face. She continued to rinse you off, taking her time, she rinsed your hair, droplets falling down in the water. You both heard the alarm, someone coming in.

“Take your time, I’ll be right back” she dropped the towel in the water, gonna go see who it is. She left and you sat there, tears still strolling down your face “out of everyone it had to be me” you whispered, crossing your arms as you looked at the ceiling. Maybe this is what you get, maybe this is what you deserve, at least that’s what you thought. Everything happens for a reason? What reason? You quietly cried, covering your mouth to not make any noise. “Y/n?” Zendaya asked, coming in the bathroom. “Yeah?” You whispered. “He wants to see you, I didn’t tell him, he just wants to say hi, I tried to tell him that your doing something important but he says he’s gonna come up here himself soon” she whispered, sniffling. You nodded and she handed you your robe, getting up slowly and holding onto zendaya for support again, stepping out as she looked away, you put on the robe and zendaya said she’ll take care of it again, you put your hair in a bun.

You grabbed a towel to dry your legs and your arms, slowly making your way down you saw Tom, smiling at you and wrapping his arms around your shoulders. “Hiii” he said, rocking you side to side and laughing, but you couldn’t, you just held onto him tighter. “What’s wrong?” He asked, you only started to cry right infront of him, you couldn’t help it, he was clueless. “Nothing” you said. “Ohhh your on your period, I forgot about that, I’ll cuddle you if that’s what you want..” he smiled and you nodded, giving a weak smile. He set his stuff down and grabbed your hand to pull you to his room, you sat on the bed as he took off his shirt and pants, shoes and socks, and laid down with you, taking you into his arms silently, holding you tighter and kissing your forehead, comforting you.

Zendaya opened the door to say something to Tom, not knowing that you were their, from her point of view it looked as if you both were crying and holding onto each other, she closed the door and moved on with her day, she still wants to be there for you but you and Tom need your space.

“Has y/n changed to you?” Tom asked zendaya, both in their suits and outfit. “I mean yeah but we both know why, she’s going through a traumatic period” Tom was confused. “What why?” “What do you mean why... she had a miscarriage- the same day she started crying- I thought she told you-“ zendaya stopped middle sentence “fuck” she whispered. “What the fuck are you talking about zendaya?” He asked, harshly. “Nothing” zendaya remained silent. “So your telling me she had a fucking miscarriage and kept it a secret for two weeks?” Tom said, mostly to himself. “Don’t be hard on her, she’s in a depressing state Tom” zendaya sighed, looking down. “How am i- you know what” he turned around to you, across the room on your phone leaning against the wall, he walked up to you.

“Why the fuck would you tell me” he whispered. “What?” you asked, looking at him. “Why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me?” Tom repeated, getting impatient. “What are you talking about?” You asked, turning off your phone and looking up at him, in fear. “Fuck- look I’m trying to be quiet with you” he banged his fist on the wall next to your head, your eyes started to water. “What are you talking about Tom?” You ask again. “Stop playing dumb!” He said harshly, causing attention to both of you. You jumped “Tommy what are you talking about?” You try to calm him down by placing a hand on his cheek, but he slapped it away, pure hatred filled his eyes. “Don’t fucking Tommy me!” He yelled and you jumped again, the tears falling down your cheeks know, his lips in a tight line. “Why the fuck. Wouldnt you. Tell. Me” you only stayed silent, he banged the wall again screaming at you, ‘why wouldn’t you tell me’ ‘for two weeks? You sat here for two weeks!’’

You tried backing up but you were against the wall, the security grabbed one of his arms while another latched on his other one. He just kept screaming at you, looking in his eyes as tears started to fall down his cheeks, trying to lunge at you, get an answer out of you, you feel down the wall as Tom was backed out, know falling to his knees “y/n, why would you tell me?” He whispered desperate. “I’m so sorry” you said crying in your arms as Harrison came over to you, soon zendaya to. “What happened?” Haz asked, you only cried more, slightly choking on your spit. Just repeating ‘I’m so sorry’ as Tom still tried to reach out to you.

As time passed they got you out of there, and into the house, you sat there in your room, Harrison and zendaya talking outside, crying and crying, your eyes stung and your tears hot, lips dry, sniffling trying to not cry anymore but it was forcing itself out of you. Zendaya stepped in and Harrison followed, sitting next to you and a head on each of your shoulders, you chewed on your lip. “Tom didn’t know what he was thinking, you are okay I promise he won’t hurt you anytime”

Haz whispered to you, rubbing your back as you slowly calmed down. “Out of everyone it was me, I-I don’t know why, I deserve it don’t I? I shouldn’t have anything” “no don’t say that” zendaya shut you up. “Don’t talk down about yourself, it isn’t healthy” “well having a miscarriage isn’t either, but that still happened” “it’s common y/n, your gonna be okay, next time it’ll work” Harrison reassures, smiling up at you and you nodded. Your lip quivered, “what do I say? How do I make it up to him? I kept it for two weeks” you whispered. “Would he ever wanna see me again? We were never together in the first place” you sighed. “He’s gonna be so happy to see you” zendaya said, rubbing your back. “You don’t know th-that” “yes I do, isn’t that right Harrison?” “She always knows, she’s like the writer of our lives, we she made us, it’s true” Harrison laughed, making you silently chuckle. “Seeeee!” Zendaya smiled.

“She didn’t tell me though” Tom said, beer on the coffee table. “How was she supposed to idiot! Oh hi Tom by the way I had a miscarriage” he faked your voice. “Yes! Exactly like that” Tom rolled his eyes. “You have no right to tell someone what to do with their lives, that’s not okay” Harry snapped. “Two weeks? Two fucking weeks! Try that! I could’ve been with her! We could’ve tried again, I was gonna be a father” he sadly sighed. “We could’ve went through it together-“ “your being selfish” “how?” “Who’s the one who carries the baby?” Harry asked, Tom hesitantly said “her” “who’s the one who can actually go through depression?” “Her” he whispered. “Exactly, so stop acting like your the victim when really she is” Tom only swallowed and took the beer for a sip. “Don’t talk to her, give her her time but don’t ignore her either” Harry gave the solution and Tom nodded, dreaming about it for a minute. “Buy her something, like a basket of something” he shrugged.

“I was gonna be a dad Harry” he whispered, biting his lip. “I know that, but somethings aren’t just meant to be” Tom looked at Harry and eyed him from his seat. “How are you gonna tell me it’s not fuckin meant to be? You don’t know shit, I’ll have a child with her one day, no matter how many times I have to fuck her, bust in her, I don’t care, fuck off” he scolded, picking up the beer and walking into the kitchen “thanks for the advice, I’ll put it into some good use” he mumbled, throwing the bottle away as Harry just shrugged as he watched Tom grab his keys and his coat, leaving out the door.

He was gonna give you your space while he bought a few things for you, including essentil oils, daisies, and a type writer with a huge pack of paper for it. He told the people he wasn’t really feeling the best and he had something to really take care of, which they really respected. He took his time driving home, not knowing what to say, he just won’t say anything he guessed.

You were slowly eating your food, haz made you a fruit bowl with some chocolate on the side, nothing to big but a little to make you feel better, you zoned out and z looked out you. “You think she’s ever gonna get past this?” She asked, haz shrugged “I mean she needs support” “it’s my fault though” she looked at haz. He raised his eyebrows at her. “I- I accidently told him, I thought he already knew” she looked down is disappointment. “Then it isn’t your fault, you didn’t know” haz shrugged as zendaya let out a soft sigh, biting her lip as she laid down taking in the silence.

The door opened slowly but the alarm gave it away, Tom walked in, his black shoes stepping in first. You jumped a bit looking infront of you and finding Tom, your anxiety raised through the roof, your hands shaking as you let go of the fruit. “Hey” he said, two bags in his hand as he walked past all of you and went to your room, setting them down. When he came back down he slowly walked to you, not saying any words as you got up and sat in the seat farthest from him, leaving the fruit there, he sighed and only came closer, holding out his hand for you to take, you looked at his hand then at him, what would he do? How does he feel? All these thoughts went through your head, what if’s, what nots. “Please?” He whispered, you swallowed. Putting your hand in his, he lifted you up and traced you to your room.

When you made it you started to speak. “I-“ he cut you off by his hand over your mouth, trying to take off your shirt as you looked at him confused, he only tugged softly, you raised your arms and he pulled it up and over your head, throwing it on the floor, he unbuckled your pants pulling them down, you took out your legs and covered yourself, although you were covered and he’s seen you before, but know it was just different, everything changed. He started to take off his clothes, once he was finished he closed the door and went to your blinds, closing them. He walked up to you and took your hand away, holding onto it and pulling you to your bed, you looked at him and he looked at you, pure silence but you know what he wanted, you laid down and he did infront of you, pulling your hand around his waist.

You both just breathed, his hand holding your wrist and your head on his back, legs under his. His back started to lift and drop as he exhaled roughly, you kissed his back. He broke down. Tears falling down his cheeks as he silently sniffled, you went over him, laying infront of him and he pulled you closer, hugging tightly as hips pressed his forehead to yours. You brushed your hands on his arm, his tears not stopping as he bit his lip, looking at you he shook his head a little. “I’m so sorry” he whispered weakly, and to that you wrapped your leg around his leg, your arm circled around his neck as he continued to cry in your chest, you kissed his head as silent tears ran down your face, looking at the picture of you both in your night stand, his body shaking from him crying and his rough and cold hands holded onto your back, “it’s okay, we can try again” you whispered “we can try again” you repeated, he looked up at him and nodded softly “do you wanna be together? Do you actually want a kid? We’ve only been friends with benefits, we can’t just bring a kid to the table... right?” He mumbled, his voice hoarse.

“Only if you want to” “I do” you nodded at him, agreeing and he hid back in your chest, taking in your scent and how comforting it is. It’s surprising, weren’t you the one who had the miscarriage? Why were you holding him? It didn’t matter, at least you had each other. You both dreamed of it for a while, being together, a small kid in the middle of you both while you sleep, Christmas and how he’d be glowed up to see aunt and uncle zendaya and haz, or even god parents. But the main picture was you two, as long as you to are together nothing can go wrong, he took his hand and brought it to yours, playing with it silently and holding onto it, looking up to you and finding you already asleep, he kissed your lips and squeezed your hand, tired himself.

[anandasamsara]

Okay, i’m going crazy here thinking about this, i cant just dump that on my friends bc they all busy with their lives and jobs, and saturday is a long time coming so i cant scream it all out on therapy yet.

I found a house. It’s kinda shitty, very small, cheap-y and probably not that structurally sound. It’s also probably an illegal construction that someone exploited. It’s in a very poorly planned villa (or whatever it is called in english). But i fell in love with it and i need to move there. I fucking remade the whole thing on the sims so i could play-plan how i would decorate it.

It’s also near my best friend’s house, so thats a plus and a half for safety and comfort reasons.

It has an open plan kitchen/living room that is about 2x3m, maybe less. Probably less. It has only one room, but it looks okay-ish sized and IT HAS A MINI VERANDA, which you can see that i love more than anything else, with half a view of the street and full wall glass doors/windows set. Probs 2x2,5m counting the mini veranda. The bathroom is a literal square, maybe 1,5x1,5m, but it does have a nice shower space. On the outside, theoretically the washing tank belongs to the house, even tho it is literally outside on the mini patio.

Imma show you the pics bc i gotta rant about this more:

The front.

The mini patio outside.

The view of the house itself. It’s on the “second level” of the place.

The outside washing tank.

The living room.

The kitchen.

The bedroom.

The mini veranda (more like micro) with a view to the street.

Hallway to the bathroom.

The shower.

The rest of the bathroom.

So. Really fucking small and weird, right? But i truly fell in love with this shitty place.

And i made plans. 

On the outside, i can probably maybe fit a washing machine by the washing tank. Tight fit, but it may work. 

I can fit a small couch (more like a futon), a very thin table by the half wall under the window, a very small coffee table and some storage high on the walls of the living room. Maybe even a thin rack and a small shelf. I wont have a tv bc i dont use one, so i could leave an empty square on the wall and use a projector to watch shit when i have people over. 

For the kitchen, the stove would be on that square by the half wall. More storage high on the walls and a cabinet by the sink, maybe. If i could find a smaller fridge, like a 1,50m tall one, i can put it by the bedroom door with a microwave over it. The coffee maker would be on the cabinet by the sink or the thin table at the other side of the half wall.

For the room, i can easily create a wall made of bookshelves on the middle to separate bedroom and office. I can also add a higher level made of wood where the bed will be, to create a better illusion of two ambients. On the micro veranda, plants and a garden table/chair combo if i can fit it. Also, a magnetic mosquito door curtain bc yes.

The batroom only needs some storage, so some shelves on the wall would be enough. Maybe a big mirror to hang there too.

I’m very very tempted to contact the owner and book an appointment just to see the place in person. But the thing is, i absolutely cant move there.

I’ve no job, no money, no means. It’s a 700brl rent, 3 months in advance, which means 140usd per month plus 400usd in advance. And im not even listing the bills. Water is apparently shared with the other residents, but theres electricity and internet and my phone and my medicine.

Its a lot and im going crazy and i cant deal with my parents anymore. I dont wanna be their parent, i dont even want to have kids! And my health is catching up with me, so the number of jobs i could do is going down, and being unemployed with a declining health will help me with fuck all.

This is more a rant than anything. I want so bad to show people this house, but i cant bc i dont want to bother anyone specificaly with a useless wish, so i’ll show it here and people will just ignore and thats fine.

I just. I keep realising that im way poorer than i ever thought i was, and its taking a toll on me. No jobs i could get would pay me enough to move out, no matter what kind. Teacher, artist, academic advisor, secretary, cleaning crew, store clerk, supermarket cashier, none of these pay me enough to survive, and half of them i cant physically do.

Anyways, TL:DR i found a shitty house in a shitty place that i fell in love with. I’ll never be able to live there.

[painfog]

Hey so I saw you mention top surgery and was curious. I was supposed to be having top surgery this summer but that’s postponed. I was curious how that went with chronic pain? I’m scared about the surgical binder with my fibro and back pain. Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated!! (You can answer privately if you prefer)

ive actually been meaning to write up a big post on this pretty much since i had top surgery but still haven't got around to it yet so I'm happy to talk about it lol. ill go over stuff now n still aim to do a more in depth post later when im on my laptop (but writing this now bc i tend to forget everything haha). ill stick to the more fibro / chronic illness specific stuff & stuff i wasnt expecting rather than rehashing everything. apologies im on mobile so i cant put this under a cut

firstly, im sorry ur surgery got postponed! i know that must be gutting, so i hope it gets rescheduled asap & the time until then passes easily for u ❤️

I had double incision with free nipple grafts on the 4th of september 2019 with Mr Miles Berry at the london wellbeck hospital. i think he did an amazing job and can't recommend him enough for his work! i think the last pics i took of my chest were for tdov, and ill rb them after i post this for reference. i didnt have drains at any point of the surgery

for ppl with fibro, i was told that the pain after surgery either tends to trigger a flareup, or be really easily manageable, and it's hard to predict which it will be beforehand. its best to prepare for a flareup and be pleasently surprised if u dont get one. for me, i had a flareup that sucked but wasnt too bad as far as flareups go

you'll probably get given painkillers. take them regularly. it's easier to treat pain preemptively. if u don't get given them (no idea how it works outside of the uk) id say def get codine and paracetamol. u can't take ibuprofen for a while

i woke up from aneasthetic freezing cold + in a lot of pain. apparently most ppl dont need the full dose of morphine, but i did. after that it was a bit better. i was just So Goddamn Hungry literally it's all i was talking about

that night in hospital was probably one of the most uncomfortable in my life. you have to sleep sitting up for like blood reasons, so my back pain was quite bad bc of it. moving around a bit and adjusting pillows helped. if u have anything that normally helps ur back pain bring it with u to the hospital, & dont be afraid to ask the nurses for help with it (even if they can just adjust ur pillows for u). i couldnt rly sleep much but distraction helps. bring ur phone + headphones. i did a few ask memes when i couldnt sleep

the first week from surgery was rly tough, the first few days especially. this was bc i still had to sleep elevated for a few days and i couldnt get comfortable. i was too exhausted to do anything but couldn't sleep and it rly started to get me down. then i got some sleeping tablets (just nytol) and that helped so much. i literally cannot recommend it enough bc the not sleeping properly made everything hard (and like esp because with fibro the whole pain/fatigue/depression cycle is so real). once i started sleeping better recovery became a lot easier, and the tablets made the awkward sleeping positions more manageable. if i had to give only one bit of advice this would be it

on that note, ik everyone says this but do get a V pillow. it helps u adjust to sleeping on ur back and if u sleep on ur side normally it means u can like lean slightly sideways on it which makes it sm easier. also this isn't even top related but they make good back pillows when ur watching stuff in bed even now

get urself some video games (if ur into them) and easy entertainment shows lined up for when u wanna have them. recovering from major surgery makes ur fatigue even more pronounced so ur not going to be able to do all that much, but having light entertainment ready to go stops u getting as bored. its also a good excuse to finally play/watch the things you've been meaning to for a while

go outside when u can. if u have a garden just walk around it. it helps with a lot of stuff, and idk about u but i always forget how much it does. even just helping u sleep better if u get trapped in a fibro fatigued-but-can't-sleep cycle. and it goes so far helping u feel human in the first week

the first week is rly hard for a lot of ppl - its frustrating to have all that pain and exhaustion and not being able to wash or change the binder, and with the swelling and bandages under the binder it doesn't really feel like there's much change, which all sort of adds together. i keep going on about this week bc it helps to mentally prepare for it - there's no need to dread it, you just need to remind urself how worth it itll all be and that the rest of recovery is a lot better than the first part, and in time it won't have seemed that bad. big picture stuff

when u get the chest reveal, everything's better. i didnt stop smiling. and when u put the post op binder on afterwards, without all the bandaging, u like feel for the first time how much flatter u are??? and its amazing. even with the swelling. and then u get to shower and u feel human again and its great. (ik some ppl have their post ops/chest reveals much earlier than a week, but 5 days to a week is pretty standard in the uk. mine was 6 days i think)

more post op binder stuff: i got given 2. the first one i woke up in after the surgery and wasn't allowed to take off until my post op, and the second one i got given at my post op to change into after i showered. After that i alternated every few days. whatever u get given, if u get less than 2 i recommend getting another one so u can alternate them (if u want help sourcing them hmu. ive also still got mine i need to give away)

the post op binders were actually a lot easier to wear full time than normal binders. they were like more stretchy, and stretchy the full way round (bc they dont have the compression bit at the front). i used to sleep in my normal binder every time i slept with my ex, and that hurt like a motherfuck sometimes. the post op binder was much kinder to my ribs

i had to wear the post op binder full time, taking it off like once a day to shower n let my chest breathe (and massage my scars once i started that). some surgeons arent that strict abt wearing it that long, but it really helps swelling, & bc i didnt have drains it was rly important to stop fluid buildup. ik quite a few guys in my trans groups who stopped wearing their binder fairly early and then got quite a lot of swelling so i didn't want to risk it & i wore it for the full 6 weeks. at some point (icr when but maybe at 6 weeks? bc my post op was at 8 weeks bc he was on holiday) i didnt wear it during the day and only wore it at night

all in all the binder didnt bother me that much. it was more comfortable than my regular binders and i just kinda got on with it. it was annoying tho and i was glad when i could stop wearing it. for me the most annoying part was that it was a full length binder (i always wore half length before) and the riding up at the hips was rly irritating. i actually quite liked sleeping with it tho it was a pretty nice pressure stim ahah

some post op binders r more comfortable than others. if u have to buy ur own, i rly suggest going with a proper surgical one (they arent too hard to find second hand for free or cheap, again im happy to help here) bc they're kinder to chronic pain. i know that having a comfortable post op binder made it all a lot easier for me. there are also lots of alternatives w lots of price ranges tho, so that's not ur only option

ok i think thats everything right now! sorry its so long, but let me know if u have any questions!!

finally: before i got top ppl told me that its honestly life changing, and i didnt realise how true that would be. literally every single aspect of my life is at least partially better because of it, and most of them drastically so. I'm really excited for you to get that for yourself, and im wishing u all the best for it 💕

[angelicrome]

temper ✦ c.h

(yo this gif is perfect for this, man. so great what a special creature.)

idea: look at this y’all, isn’t he adorable cute pic of cal

requests are open, any fandom - here’s my masterlist :))

pairing: calum hood x reader

warning: no i dont think so. just read it, i’m dying, the part 2 is gonna be great. 

author’s note: sooooo.... part 2 is gonna be released as soon as possible because y’all deserve that. Also, longer author’s note in the end, because i think we all need that, right. AND the story is better than the title, remember that.  

description: being unhappy in love with bestfriend!calum and wanting to tell him so badly, but there’s always something in the way - until one night where everything is just so right and yet so wrong. 

“No, I don’t feel like going out right now.” You mumbled, looking at your clock. It was almost nine, and there were four boys, standing around you, begging you to go to a stupid party with them.

“Please, Y/N, you know it’s just gonna be boring at home and you’re gonna regret it-“ Luke began a whole speech about how you only live life once and how you should take chances.

“We’ll even give you time to get ready,” Michael said, not even letting Luke finish but it didn’t matter because he just kept talking and Michael was talking and soon Ashton blurted out how he was actually going to pay you if you went to that stupid party.

“I don’t want to.” You shouted and stood up from the broken kitchen chair. You were still in your pyjamas and honestly felt disgusting to even be awake. You just wanted to go back to bed, even though you got up three hours ago. You took the dirty dishes to the sink. The boys had been at your house for a whole week, trying to comfort you. They didn’t really help.

It wasn’t a break-up. It wasn’t something you could talk about - at least to the boys.

It was love. Unhappy love. That kind of love where you’re in love with someone, but they’re in love with someone else. It’s that kind of love that makes you go to a kind of sad and dark place where you just need a couple days of crying and sleeping.

Ashton knew. You didn’t tell him, he actually figured it out on his own. He said it was the way you looked at Calum when he told you he had gotten an official girlfriend - and that he loved her, so so much. Thinking about it made you sigh so powerfully that it stopped the annoying persuasion.

“Okay, guess we lost you on this one, too.” Ashton acknowledged and patted Luke on the shoulder, to make him turn around but also to say “we tried our best again, she’s not coming” and turned around to walk out of the house.

You followed them to the door. You grinned when Michael started to fake-cry when he said goodbye to you. Luke fake-comforted him, so you knew he was going to be fake-alright. Ashton nodded to you as a small “you’ll be okay, darling” and you smiled, an overly happy and forged smile.

Calum then turned to you. He hadn’t really said anything, at all. Not during dinner, not during the persuasion. But he pulled you into a big bear hug and you couldn’t help but bury your face down in his neck. The smell of him, the touch of him made your heart race and you were almost scared he could feel your heart pumping through your thick hoodie and his jacket. He pulled away and gave you the best-begging face he could think of.

“Y/N, I think you really need this.” The sweet, coffee brown eyes drilled into yours and his red lips were pulled into a wide smile. “You know I want you there to protect me.”

“From what? Kidnappers?” You snapped and crossed your arms. 

“Calum! You coming?” The car outside honked five times as Calum stuck his head out to yell at the boys.

“In a minute! You just go, we’ll take the Y/N’s car.”

A huge sigh escaped your lips as you turned around to just walk away from that boy who pretty much just forced you to go. You didn’t walk away because you were mad, you walked away because you knew he was going to convince you with just an innocent smirk.

“Hey, Y/N.” Calum grabbed your arm and turned you around. You were met by his precious smile and rosy cheeks. “I know this isn’t ideal, but I also know you’ll do anything for me.”

Ouch. That hurt because it was the truth. And it made you wonder; did he know you were dying to kiss him every time he was close? And exactly as you thought about that, he pulled you close into another hug and you died inside - again.

“Now, you’re gonna go up, take a shower, put some clothes on, I don’t care if it’s pyjamas or if it’s a prom dress. You’ll look good in whatever.”

He kissed your forehead and send you upstairs with small encouragements.

Fuck Calum, you thought as you were standing in the shower.

He can’t just say things like that and expect you to just nod and go with him without feeling annoyed or in love. Or both, in your case.

You didn’t even bother to put on makeup. Black pants, an oversized t-shirt and a leather jacket. You could wear a pair of heels to make it look like you put a little effort in the look, even though the shirt was also the shirt you had slept in three nights ago.

“Hey, look at that hot chick!” Calum exclaimed when he saw you hurrying down the stairs. He put his phone in his pocket. “And it only took 20 minutes!”

“Shut.” You nagged and put on some black heels. Your hair was already falling down from the braided knot you had put it up in.

“A’ight, ready to go?”

“I hate you for this.” You snarled as you took your car keys, ripped the door open and dragged your feet to the small blue car you had owned for 6 years now.

“I can drive,” Calum said, trying to follow your pace and smacked the door locked behind him. You threw the keys to him and got in the car. When he came in, he rolled his eyes at you. The motor purred and you laid your head against the window, as Calum turned on the radio. He kept changing stations as he didn’t seem to find the right music for the vibe in the car. It ended with him turning the radio completely off.

“Okay, so I’m sorry I pretty much forced you to go. But I just thought that it was important and you could use a couple of drinks.” Calum started apologizing, even though he hadn’t really done something that was awful. He had just persuaded you into going out even though you weren’t in the mood. “I just… I really want to know what’s been bugging you lately.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Really? Because most of the times, it seems like you don’t care.”

“I care, of course, I care!” He almost sounded offended as his hands clenched around the steering wheel. “You’re my best friend and I love you.”

Your heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t like you didn’t know that he loved you. He just didn’t say it often. Not like Ashton who would say it every chance he got or Luke who would always yell it to you during his drunk blackouts. It was different with Calum. You had known the band for a long time, but you had known Calum your whole life. You were neighbours when you were kids. He was even your first kiss. You were his first crush. You had rejected him when you were 16. After that, it was kind of awkward and you didn’t really talk, but time heals all wounds. But about two years ago, an urge to be with Calum all the time and a desire to kiss him every time you saw him occurred. It hurt, but you learned to live with it. You just had to bury it and not talk to anyone about it.

“Just tell me already, Y/N. I’m… worried, okay.” You didn’t answer. You just kept looking out of the window, ignoring him. "Alright, if you don't wanna talk to your best friend, you best friend might not wanna talk to you." It sounded rather childish, so you just gushed and kept ignoring him. What would happen if you told him? Would you find a solution together or would it just be awkward again? The last option seemed the most realistic and it hurt even thinking about it.

30 minutes went by.

“We’re here.” Calum parked the car, 500 meters from the actual club where the party was held. You looked at him and saw how pale he was. His hands were clenched, veins were popping and his mouth was just a small line.

You got out of the car and together you walked in silently to the club. The banging music was loud even though you just stood right outside the club.

“Let me just walk us in.” Getting into private celeb parties was a whole thing, but when Calum stood on the guest list it wasn’t even hard to get in. He would just say his name, hold his hand around my hip and we’d get in easily and quickly.

You could barely hear what song they were playing. It was all just loud EDM noise to you.

Calum walked away from you as soon as you were in. He was probably still mad. You rolled your eyes and went to the bar as a Kanye West song started playing.

“Two shots of tequila.” You yelled at the bartender and two shots were immediately put in front of you. “Put it on Ashton Irwin’s bill.”

The bartender nodded and you drowned the two burning drinks in you. “Another shot!” You yelled and before you knew it you had downed to more shots.

“Hey, Y/N, you ok?” You twisted your face to your left to see a tall Luke Hemmings. He seemed taller than usual.

“Let’s dance!” You commanded and pulled him out on the dance floor. Luke was not a good dancer and a lot of the times you would just stand there laughing at him. But sometimes you would pull him close and dance with him, move your bodies in the same speed, the same movement. His face was flustered, cheeks were red and you pulled your face close to his, noses touching.

“I’m in love with Calum.” You whispered too quietly in his ear, closing your eyes before making the move on Luke.

He pulled away with a surprise. “What? What’s going on here?”

You wiped the sweat away from your head and stepped back, starring Luke straight in the eye before turning around on your heel. Strangers were consuming you, jumping around you, but Luke caught up with you and stared at you with mouth wide open.

“You’re in love with Calum?”

“He has a girlfriend!” You shrugged and kept moving your body to the rhythm, as he giggled a little, looking around.

“Jesus…” He hid his face in his hands before looking up again. “They broke up, you asshole. Yesterday! He didn’t tell you?”

Bum. The music didn’t seem that loud anymore. Your body wasn’t moving happily to the rhythm and your eyes weren’t focused on Luke. They were searching around the room for Calum, the guy who scolded you for not telling him what was wrong but in reality did the exact same thing.

“I need another shot.” You muttered and made your way to the bar. Thoughts were going around in your head. He said he loved her, why did they break up? Did she cheat? Did he cheat? Or… is he just in love with someone else? The thought startled you because that didn’t make any sense, he would have told you then. You laid your arms on the bar counter and smiled at the bartender.

“Three shots of the strongest liquor, sir!” You yelled and soon three shots were in front of you and you enjoyed the warm feeling through your body. You took two before letting out a sigh of relief. You were just about to take the third as a well-known hand came beforehand and Calum downed the shot right before your eyes and looked you straight in the eye. The flashing light was reflecting in his dark eyes as bit his bottom lip.

“We need to talk.”

“Yeah, I think we do, too.��

longer author’s note: so i haven’t really written anything for a v long time, so this is not the best i’ve done (but defiently not the worst either, just read some of the early work yikes). i really want to keep writing when the inspiration strikes, but it i don’t know if i’ll write all requests nor do i know if i even am gonna write that much, let’s see where it goes.

 i hope y’all are doing well, you can always just talk to me if you are in need of a friend and i hope you liked this lil piece of work here. 

request here - any fandom will do :)

masterlist here

:)) 

[chickenfetus]

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these 

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse??  i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just  heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao  

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

[anyhao-archived]

create an aesth for me w/ jin, v, and hani you son of a fuck (i wanna list more but skjjkkjdkjg ILL RESTRAIN M'SELF)

how dare u call me an insult and still think you’re going to get anything??? no but LETS DO THIS my other ones kinda turned into stories since they were anon & idk who they were But lets just see where this goes

you + jin:

constantly ranting to each other about bighit and his lack of lines and just What The Fuck he deserves better!!! you two are both always salty about everything, the gossip & judging couple, he teases you about your awful singing ability and you punch him, ugly couple selfies, sending weird pics to each other (is that a pic of someones ass?? oh no its just his elbow), the tom and jerry couple – always teasing each other. but you both have an uncanny ability to realize This Is Not The Time for that kinda shit and try to cheer each other up

you realize you aren’t meant for each other and jin comes and marries me instead and we both laugh at you

you + tae:

omg… the gaming/watching tv/anime/wtf ever couple. you two always go against each other in games, both competitive & .. creative insults (see above). a LOT of movie nights, or binge watching something on netflix. if someone goes ahead in the series without the other, they get pissed. when you two fight you do spoilers and then dont talk to each other. you never apologize but somehow just slip back into being in love & skinship and it turns out okay. he LOVES hugging you, ok lbr. also interesting dates like. going to dog parks, or cute little antique shops. you two are the epitome of a domestic relationship its just so cute okay

you + hani:

the only word to describe this: GAY. another version of the gossip and judging couple like w/ jin, but you two r more obvious about it like.. laughing and giggling and rolling your eyes. you two know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE. #1 source of juicy gossip. you go shopping together and neither of you are helpful to the other. “how do i look?” “…hot” “what about this?” “… still hot.” dates to the park!! amusement park!! rated r movies n laugh the entire time!! instead of your wedding rings being like.. one ring.. its a necklace and both rings form something like idk what but something okay. you both r surprisingly sentimental despite your idgaf attitude, and your house is filled with old shit you need to throw or give away. hani sings in the shower n you love just standing outside the bathroom 2 listen to her

omg i got carried away HAHA but i hope this is ?? somewhat realistic since i tried to take your personality into account as well… also? u and tae? my otp…

send me your bias & i will tell you about your couple life/aesthetic!!!

[moon-dust-lust]

I write bad stand up comedy so thanks

So nice of everyone to come tonight, on a good day I have no more than four people that look at me at one time, so this is definitely making me severely uncomfortable. I'm only 20 years old which means just like every other 20 year old I cry in the shower and use tinder. I at first thought of tinder as a great way to pick up prey as a serial killer. I watched criminal minds a kid and I watch FOX news so every predator showcased on those forums are white dudes. I am also from eugene oregon so pretty much all of tinder looks like the milk aisle. Some are organic, some are fat free and others are being fought over by two different women who will send you death threats over facebook and try and sabotage your relationship. It is just great. Anyways, I recently decided as an in debt 20 year old with too may bills to pay and a customer service job that I'm already dead inside, so if I died it'd be pretty much how it is now except I would no longer have obligations and all the guys from my high school would finally pay attention to me. My first experience was just as about as fucked as it gets. He was this hot guy, six foot, covered in tattoos. He had just moved from utah, or illinois or somewhere else unimportant. He asked me for my snapchat, which ws already a flag because he was 26 and no one except someone over the age of 12, a soccer mom that's had a little too much wine, or a celebrity uses it; but I let it slide. So he's sending me pics and it looks like he's outside. He's sitting in a tent and so I'm like, "oh are you camping? that's fun. Don't let me keep you from anything". He's all, "No I live in a tent". Come to find out he had no job, no car and was living in a tent on someone's property. He was a homeless man. Now, how I found hopefully the only homeless man on tinder is beside me, but the weirdest part is how he had a phone still and also how he thought he could pick up chicks. Like did he think as a date i would let him shower at my place? Or was he thinking my ass would get fully dressed up in make up and heels just to spend the night in his tent? Would he make me bring my own firewood and sleeping bag? My own can of beans?  My experiences with men are pretty much summed up by this interaction alone. My first date ever, I showed up at this guy's house and it was infested with rabbits. I am talking ten or twelve. Then he took me up to his room to watch a movie, door open because this was high school and I had never even seen a condom before and his mom was downstairs watching something with jennfier aniston in it. His room was COVERED in pictures of his ex girlfriend. Pictures she drew of them, gifts she gave him, pictures of them together etc. SO, I was so uncomfortable but I was thinking it was probably just because he was too lazy to take them down. I was so wrong. So, so very wrong. Let me preface this by saying this was my first date, EVER. I had no idea what it was supposed to be like. He was a quarter back and he was all in shape and tan and that was pretty much all I knew about it. He had a really cliché rich white name and he was one of the only sophomores with a car and no curfew. He was a real bad boy. So after my date I got approached by his ex girlfriend at a party. She then told me that he was sending pictures of me while I wasn't looking to her and telling her how great of a time he was having and how he didn't need her. This was my first god damn date. I just cannot believe the progress I have made in the 5 years I have been dating. I never dated in middle school because i wore blue eyeliner and had a perm in the late 200s. I was really setting myself up to fail to begin with. I had one relationship that lasted three years. There is this funny thing about guys where they start out pretty normal and then after they really get comfortable they start to cheat on you and go crazy. It is just the weirdest thing. It's like the gremlins except instead of not feeding them after midnight you provide the with emotional stability and all the love in your hard. Big mistake ladies, Am I right? This guy I dated was so much fun. There was one time he told me I was absolutely perfect. He would tell me "Everything about you is perfect, except you could use a boob job". look, I will be the first to say i have the littlest titties in america, but I'll be damned if you dont appreciate them. They are like one piece of chocolate or the very back row of seats of a concert. You're just glad you got a little taste of your favorite thing, okay? I am like the bronze medal you get at a sporting event. Bitch you should just be happy you got any trophy at all. This guy was a real whackadoodle. He would cheat on me and then not let me go out with dudes, or ladies, bisexual pride woot woot, because he thought i would cheat to get back at him. But jokes on him because nobody likes me and I also didn't have any friends. I ended up breaking up with him because he was obviously terrible and he decided to stalk me. All i could think about when he would harass my family and try and show up at my school and had his parents blow up my phone is, "now you miss my lil tities?" who was gonna pay for all this shit in the first place? where did he think i was gonna get the fucking money for this? I am a broke college student, I drive a car that sounds like an eighty year old at the back of a movie theater coughing and I work at a restaurant where everyone is so stoned, it's like I'm at in the middle of portland on a saturday night. I go to the university of oregon. A very fun school, full of people who have no interest in talking to me. In their defense half the time I have my headphones in and I am crying so I guess it's just in everyone's best interest to not get into it. I am a psychology major, which I call the boring white girl major. I got into it to become a sex therapist, mostly because I am not having any and really want to find out if there's a book on how to make people not continuously reject you, but also because sex is a hard topc and I talk about it like a human urban dictionary. The worst part about the university is the talking. There was one time I had a 200 person anthropology class and these girls from a sorority who all obviously took the class together to cheat and not do anything ever, were describing their friend tiffany or gemma or some other rich fake tanned name's vomit. The color, texture, smell, everything. They were analyzing what she had eaten the previous morning and all the alcohol she mixed and all I could think was, " if you spent half as much time talking about your friend samantha's vomit as you would listening you wouldn't be failing this class and self medicating with alcohol to the point where you throw up because youre a bunch of clemintine sharp nailed looking green beans". Like i pay too much to listen to you explain the thong you bought and how it chafes your butthole when you dry hump alex from the frat across the street who is also fucking tina with the fake nose and even though he gave you clamydia six months ago, you trust him now you know? I own one bra and one pencil. I am wearing two completely different socks, one is a knee high and the other is an ankle one. Whenever I am hungry i dont go to sushi, I go to bed. So please Gretchen from Bitch, Bump &grind and beyond stop and let me at least get a C so I can land a job that makes me 12 dollars an hour and I can be poor in a different setting. I work full time and go to school. I am not like most millenials. I don't have time to eat avocado toast or catch HPV. At my little restaurant in junction city, the staff is absolutely questionable. I was the first girl there who was single and under the age of 40, so naturally I became bate for every man in society you hope you never run into in life. The first was our host. He looked like bowzer from mario if he were a white middle class man. He was shaped like a tear drop, so his head was small and oddly shaped and the rest of him just got wider and rounder as you went down. He always wore the same button down shirt, I think to try and impress me, but like it was his only button down shirt. Anyways, he is what I call the lingerer. If you are a woman who has ever had a man like you at work, you know exactly what I am talking about. He would follow around, but like at a creepy slow distance and he would stare at me until he thought i was looking and then looked away. He would also reach over or around me just so he could be close to me. It's weird and painful to watch. He also asked my sister, who also works there, if i was a lesbian because i wasnt immediately interested in him. Let me digress for a moment and say that just because a woman rejects you doesnt mean she loves only vagina. It usually means you arent a good person, or she just doesnt wanna date, or she has a boyfriend already, or you have no common interests, or she doesnt want to mix work with her personal life or maybe she has something personal against blonde guys, white guys, guys with glasses, she dated someone with your name and its weird, she has a lot of issues with touching, you have weird hands, you have bad breath, you are bad at your job, she is asexual, or THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON SHE JUST DOESNT LIKE YOU AT ALL EVER. Men are so vapid about that sometimes. Anyways, he gave me a cash tip off one of my tables and I, trying to be civil was all, "oh i love free money thank you" trying to relate to him because he seemed like the type to bring a gun to work and I really wasnt in the mood to get shot or followed out to my car so i gotta keep is civil you know? so apparently you cannot be friends with sexual predators because then he gets all close and whispers in my ear "is that how I get in your pants, by throwing money at you?". The tip he gave me was only five dollars. If is ass thought having sex with me would cost only five dollars, he has no idea how bad inflation is or how much i spend on amazon a month. Also, even with my little titties and cellulite, no amount of money would let me fuck a guy who looked like barnie the dinosaur if he were a white pale ghost. I have very low standards, but they exist for sure. somewhere. deep down. The next guy i had was this old cook. he was 65 and he cooked in the morning. His wife was obviously dead, in his basement or both because he was always saying nasty things to me. He told me that if he were forty years younger he would hire me as his kid's babysitter so he could fuck me. He also told me he was extremely attracted to me and terrified of me at the same time. He one time came up to me and asked me what i had in my front seat because i was hiding something under a coat. He has rotted out teeth and children older than me. It is men like those guys that make me think, "am I really that bad to the point this is as good as it gets?