#but i just can't forgive them for Dean's ending

[drulalovescas]

Why do this??? Why show us that Dean wanted out?? That Dean thought about quitting hunting. Retiring. That Dean wanted to LIVE. When you intended from the get go to impale him on a rusty rebar. Because "it was always gonna end like this." Because "it was supposed to end like this, right?" Because Dean „HAD TO DIE?????” What do you mean Dean would never stop hunting when you’ve literally showed us he wanted to???? What do you mean Dean wanted to die hunting when he literally said he DIDN'T??

[wellofdean]

So...thinking about Dean and Jack...

Jack is not a child. He is NEW, but he is a cosmic being of unknowable power who was cognizant enough in the womb to save Kelly because he was still using her body as an incubator, and to show Cas a manipulative, glorious vision of his future actions specifically as they relate to Cas's desires. When he is born, he speaks English and understands peril, has the physical strength and angelic power to defend himself. He doesn't understand the world, but he is a VERY fast learner. There are a lot of ways in which children are vulnerable and need protection that simply do not apply to Jack at all. He is not a baby, physically or mentally.

Where Jack is vulnerable is in his sense of self and his identity. He is emotionally and spiritually vulnerable, and he is vulnerable to manipulation. From the first time Sam talks to him, he is asking Jack if he can re-open the rift, and Sam DOES want to use him. I don't blame Sam for that, it's a perfectly logical thing to want. Sam believes Mary might still be alive, and he wants to use Jack to go see, and hell, maybe as a weapon, too. Sam needs to believe that Jack can be good and useful to them, and he is not really honest with Jack at first. Dean is right about that.

Dean, though? Dean is completely, 100% honest with Jack in every interaction, no matter how ugly the truth. He tells Jack exactly what he thinks and feels. He has a very reasonable reaction to Jack as a still-unknown cosmic power, and Dean quite reasonably sees him as the reason Cas is dead. Dean is emotional and grieving, but he is honest. Later, as he comes to see Jack as something other than a threat, he is kind to Jack while still being honest. When he comes to love Jack, he loves him honestly. He never lies or manipulates Jack even one time until they lure him into the mal'ak box, and when they talk him into it, Dean can barely look at Jack and makes Sam do the talking, because he really just can't. Lie. To. Jack.

Jack emulates, loves and respects Dean. When Jack thinks Dean has to kill him, he understands and accepts it because he trusts Dean. I think Jack looks to Dean for an honest, clear-eyed assessment of his situation. Cas is blinded by love, Sam is more interested in utility, and Dean is being forced to sacrifice Jack, who has become his and Cas's son -- his family. If Dean can do it, Jack is willing to submit, and then DEAN CAN'T DO IT.

it makes no sense to me to apply real-world child/parent roles to them, to compare Dean with John, who was raising human children, or to think of Jack as an actual human child, and I don't blame Dean for any of it. Dean is so emotionally compromised in so many different ways and I think there is a widespread tendency to begrudge Dean his legitimate feelings when they aren't comfortable, and to apply reality-based roles to these characters who are not at all living normal lives. When it comes down to it, Dean STILL loves Jack (and Cas!) too much to kill Jack or to lie to him, even after Jack oopsie-daisy kills Mary in a moment of uncontrolled panic and has no soul and can't tell right from wrong, and can't even feel remorse. Jack is legitimately dangerous, and Dean is not wrong to try to contain that.

And, by the end of the story, when Dean is saying Jack is not family, not like Cas and Sam are, Dean has lost his compass, and we know that because he also deceives Amara, and tries to kill Sam. Dean is truly in error in those scenes, and doing the wrong things, and seriously, Dean is so good, so self-sacrificing, so full of love that I am able to forgive him a moment of error at the climax of his existential crisis. By that time, Jack is a complex character who is as heavy with grief and guilt as Dean is, and who feels the weight of the world, like Dean does, and who understands Dean.

Is Dean perfect? No. Is Jack a child? No.

I'm just going to say it: I think Dean was a good father to Jack, because what Jack needed more than anything else was honest information about who he was, what threat he posed, who loved him, and HOW to love, so that he could decide who he was and what he wants to be.

He got that from Dean.

[dotthings]

"Open to interpretation" does not mean you get to tell Destiel shippers how to see the canon, Karen

After the spntwit drama this week I think it matters to emphasize again how hard the antidestiel hatedom was going against how Jensen rolls when it comes to interpretation.

antidestiels continue to behave as if they believe "open to interpretation" means they themselves can dictate to other fans how to see the canon, and they call Destiel shippers and Misha "disgusting" just for speaking our viewpoints of the canon.

Destiel shippers give our take on the text and antis go "well you can't because JENSEN SAID--"

They very obviously do not listen to what Jensen says. Here is Jensen at Dencon 2021, where he pretty much clears the runway for fans to interpret however we please and his praise and appreciation for those readings: “This is the great thing about the show and I think the relationships and some of these characters is that they’re open for interpretation. If you find identity in a character because of whatever reason, fantastic! Great! If that encourages you to be a better person, or to love someone a little harder, to forgive someone for something, fantastic. That’s—that’s I think that’s one of the beautiful things about what we do is that we get to encourage people on a variety of levels.” -Jensen Ackles, DenCon October 2021

(Antis: But you CAN'T, because JENSEN SAID--)

Antis are stuck in a loop of their own making.

This is not the first time Jensen has conveyed his support for fan interpretation.

Jibcon 2015:

We also know from reports from a virtual m&g a short while after SPN ended that Jensen said he and Misha talked about the confession scene beforehand, and they "didn't want to over-define it" and "the artist isn't going to stand next to that piece of art and tell you what to see. You should be able to see, and it should be able to mean what it means to you and that's--that's the beautiful thing about art." (There is no video, this is pulled from fan reports, but as far as we know this is accurate reporting).

Antis: but you can't because Jensen SAID--

blah blah blah

Yes we can and it's not that we need Jensen's--or anyone's permission--however it's just so heinous how severely antidestiels stomp all over Jensen's respectfulness and protection of fan readings and his appreciation of that, and their lying about how he rolls. They are making very negative insinuations of him, yet somehow everyone else in fandom is the problem but them.

It doesn't add up.

"But you can't say Destiel is real and there was queer coding because JENSEN SAID--"

But Jensen said he's completely cool with how we see it.

He said so.

I have a permit. Jensen signed it. See?

Get over it. Find a new hobby. Move along.

A further thing--note my highlighting on excerpts from an interview with Jensen Ackles about Big Sky concerning the Beau/Jenny relationship. (TV Insider, 1.18.2023)

The phrasing should sound familiar.

Yes, that's right, he's used similar language to speak about Dean and Cas. And this is for a het ship.

"leave the audience wanting more" "we gave just a little bit" "but do we need to play it out in a graphic sex scene?" "a kiss wasn't necessarily needed" "let's tiptoe for now" "fired it up in a way that made it not so sexual...two humans really, truly connecting. It wasn't just like, oh, let's rip each other's clothes off."

Put that next to "I don’t think lust is involved with the romanticism" "there's some people that might try to sexualize that" "it was two sentient beings essentially" (Dencon 2021, Vancon 2022)

Isn't that interesting. (Also isn't it interesting he called it "romanticism"?)

Jensen also said something somewhere about how he would like to do a romantic comedy so long as it involves killing zombies. He doesn't hate romance. It's just that he likes genre and action stuff. He's not against, whether it's queer or straight romances.

He's also said he'd like to do a rom-com slash western playing opposite Misha Collins.

Not telling Destiel shippers what to do, but along with antidestiel misinformation spread, the Destiel lane is justly notorious for flinging accusations at him and I think it's relevant that he speaks about a het ship using similar language, and it's relevant how supportive he is of queer readings.

one last thing, this is old, from Jensen's time on Days of our Lives, but he wasn't against playing a queer character.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Insecure Eddie that thinks he’s not good enough for you and it comes out like a jealous boyfriend.

It comes to a head when he gets mean and he has to apologize to you before it’s too late.

Request by @mugloversonly ❤️

Angst with a happy ending

❤️

It's not like he meant to be so mean. Eddie loved you with all of his heart yet there was this gnawing feeling inside of him at times, the feeling like he wasn't good enough for you.

Things had come to a head earlier in the night, it was at a party that Eddie was reluctant to attend but he had to do a few deals, make some money.

Dean was all over you from the go, not that you noticed that and didn't seem to realise he wanted you.

Unfortunately, it made the fears that Eddie had run wild in his head and he worried that someday you would realise that too.

Once the two of you left the party Eddie was moody and irritable, he shouldn't have taken his mood out on you and he felt like a douchebag.

"Eddie love, what's wrong?" you gently take his hand and he pulls it away, his head full of stupid thoughts, he knew they were stupid but it didn't stop him thinking them.

"What's wrong? I just watched my girl being flirted with by that idiot Dean and you didn't even notice, or maybe you did. Maybe you just want to find a way to get rid of the freak" he hears you gasp and immediately regrets being so mean but he doesn't know what to do to fix things.

"You really think I'd do that? You know how much I Iove you Eddie" you whisper this through tears.

You're quiet all the way through the ride and when he drops you off at home you don't even utter a word to him.

All night he lay in his bed, his stomach full of dread.

Why did he have to act like a dick, he had snapped at you and would barely speak to you before hand. What if he lost you for being so foolish?

He tosses and turns all night, his mind set on making things up to you. Somehow.

Unless he was far too late.

❤️

You look like you don't want to be here and Eddie can't blame you. He has begged you to come over and thankfully you did.

It took some time on the phone for you to even speak to him, you're voice was thick and wobbly, he knew you must have been crying most of the night and felt wretched that he had upset his princess.

"I'm sorry sweetheart" his voice breaks when your lip wobbles and you avoid his eyes, he approaches you and gently asks you to look at him so he can never for your forgiveness.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry princess. I got lost in my head. I've always felt like I'm not good enough for you and then I saw dean flirting with you and I just snapped. It's not an excuse. I was an idiot and I'm sorry" You soften a bit.

"Oh, Eddie. I love you, I love you so much. You're so good to me. You're amazing and I adore you"

Eddie holds you close and kisses you tenderly. Apologising again for being such a dick. He could have lost you tonight and he never ever wants that to happen.

"You are incredible and I never want you to feel like you don't deserve me. That's bullshit okay? You deserve love Eddie Munson and I'm going to make sure you believe that" You kiss him sweetly and he holds you close, feels his anxieties melt away for a little while.

Whatever came next you and Eddie would get through it together by talking it out. He would never make the mistake of almost losing you again.

[1000roughdrafts]

another request here! could i please request a fic with pregnant!reader (writer's choice for which winchester brother is the dad!) where the three are en route to a new case and are in the middle of nowhere when reader goes into labor and ends up giving birth in the impala? 😊

Warnings: pregnancy, birth, swearing, canon-level arguing between the Winchesters

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Full disclosure, I've never given birth so please forgive anything that doesn't make sense lmao

Having spent the last few weeks on the road, case after case with no space from each other, I had to admit that the three of us were starting to go a little crazy. Sam and Dean had been at each other's throats over the pettiest things since my six month mark in this pregnancy.

Sam would yell at Dean to get his feet off our bed, and Dean would yell at Sam to lighten up. Or they'd argue about who takes what role in hunts. Tonight, I try to just ignore them to focus on packing, but it proves difficult when my name keeps getting brought into the mix.

"I said no, Dean! We're not taking the case," Sam growls, slamming his book shut. "It's at least a days drive from here, if not two and with Y/N so deep into this pregnancy," he lets out a breath, glancing over at me with wide eyes, as if the realization of my quickly approaching due date has just hit him. "I just don't think it's a good idea."

Dean tries to shake the frustration out of his body by punching a pile of clothes into his bag. He aggressively grips onto the next pile and looks up at Sam, face tight, "so we make a couple of stops along the way to make sure everything is alright," he chides with a shrug, the bag ripping slightly as he shoves that pile into it. "Damn it," he says under his breath.

Sam scoffs with a glare in his eyes, "do you even know how many hospitals we pass to get there? None! Not a damn one!"

Dean shrugs, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, "we'll take the scenic route then."

Frustrated, I raise my voice about theirs, "okay! Can you both please stop talking about me like I'm not here!" I shout, my voice shaking with anxiety. They both spin around, shock in their eyes as they meet mine, as if they completely forgot I was still in the room with them. Dean bows his head, "I should be allowed to have a say in this considering… oh, I don't know," I say, pretending to be amused, then raise my voice, "I'm carrying the baby! And I'll be damned if I spend the next 4 weeks of this fucking pregnancy being treated like I need to be bubble wrapped!"

"I'm just trying to protect you," Sam says sheepishly.

"And I'm telling you I don't need protection," I snap. His eyes widen, and head hangs slightly. He takes a few careful steps my way. Softening my voice, I add, "Sam, I'm tired of all the fighting, and I'm tired of being treated like I can't do anything for myself."

He lets out a long, almost unwilling, sigh of agreement. "I get it," he says softly. "I guess I wasn't thinking… we were… he-" he stutters, letting air bounce between his lips when he knows there's really only one thing he should be saying, "I'm sorry. You're right."

"Thank you," I sigh, ignoring Dean's smug smile.

"Oh, don't act like you're any better, Dean!" Sam sneers.

"Stop!" I say as Dean rolls his eyes. He grabs his bag to head for the door, muttering that he’ll be in the car before slamming the door shut behind him.

Sam scoffs, looking around the room with a blank stare. "He's been such a jerk lately," he says, looking back at me.

"He's probably just scared, Sam," I say, brushing the hair out of his face. "I mean, you know how he is. And our lives are about to drastically change. Who knows what hunting will look like when we have a child to take care of. I mean, life is already so dangerous for us, and now we have to protect something so defenseless. That’s terrifying."

---

The cramping starts a few hours away from our destination when we stopped at a gas station for fuel and food. They were mild at first, going away as soon as they started, giving me a long enough break in between pangs to forget about the last.

"Okay, so apparently the victims all have missing hearts," Sam says in a long sigh, scrolling through news articles on his phone. He looks up with a puzzled expression, "we thinking werewolves?"

I grit my teeth as another pang hits. It's almost like I could feel every groove and line in the road. Clearing my throat, I add, "but it wasn't a full moon, was it?"

"No," Sam says in a soft whisper, "but maybe-" a shout rips through me from a cramp, interrupting Sam and he turns to look at me.

The last thing I see before clenching my eyes shut are Dean's eyes flashing back at me through the rear-view mirror.

"Yeah," I lie, my breathy voice giving me away and I yell out again when Dean drives over a bump. I throw a hand to my belly, rubbing the area that hurts. But it's all hurting now, and then nothing again. I take quick breaths. Anxiety riddles me. Did something happen to my baby? I wonder. My eyes open and my heart just pounds.

Dean pulls the car off to the side of the road with a screech when I yell out again, my hand gripping tight to seat in front of me. The second the car has slowed enough, Sam jumps out to get into the backseat with me.

Dean uses the steering wheel to push from to turn my way, "what's happening? Are you okay?" Dean asks while Sam races to unbuckle my seat belt.

"Of course she's not okay, Dean!" Sam growls, his eyes full of worry. I can hear them bickering with “I told you so” and “yeah well if you’re so smart” in the distance. My ears ring, and I'm too tuned into the frogs croaking in the swaying trees.

A tight ache hits me again and my body jerks forwards as a scream lets itself out of me.

"I think the baby is coming," Sam whispers to Dean with wide eyes.

"No shit," Dean mutters, throwing his door open to come to the backseat. He opens the door, using it to prop up his arm as he looks in.

"No, no, no," I cry, shaking my head. "It's gotta be Braxton-Hicks, it has to be-" I plead, tears streaming down my face. "It's too soon," I say anxious as all hell until another wave of pain takes over, and Sam grabs my hands in his.

"It's gonna be okay, Y/N," Sam says, gently squeezing my hands. His eyes pan up to Dean, getting his attention, "we gotta get her pants off her," Sam says quietly, and I groan.

Dean rushes into action, taking my back in his arms to lay me down on the seat. Sam works fast to get my clothes removed, but slows when the ache hits again.

Sam’s eyes widen when he realizes how close we are to holding our baby, and he rushes to remove his jacket, placing it on the seat between my legs. I prop myself up on my elbows, bringing my feet onto the seat to bend my knees and open my legs. Never in my twenty-nine years of life did I expect to be pregnant, let alone give birth in Dean’s car with the damn Winchester brothers delivering my baby, but here we are.

The cold hair nips at my naked skin, but it’s easy to push past the discomfort of that when it feels like a fucking fire was started on my lower half. Sam holds his hands on my thighs as he encourages me, reminding me to breathe and push. The irritability in me adds to the fire, and I want to tell him to shut up, but I don’t. I can’t see Dean, but I know he’s probably as scared as I feel right now, given how out in the open we are. He keeps a firm, but comforting hand on my shoulder as I push, offering words of encouragement here and there, his focus more on the world around us, scanning for danger. 

Dropping my head against Dean’s arm, I let out a groan as I push, the pain almost unbearable now. I could feel the pressure and burning of each one, and after what feels like hours the pressure increases to the worst pain I’ve felt yet.

I squeeze Dean’s hand probably harder than I should have, but suddenly a weight feels like it’s been lifted from me, and I’m washed with relief of the sweet sound of my baby crying. My arms fail to hold me any longer and I fall back against Dean. 

Sam chuckles as he holds our baby, wrapped up in his jacket, close to his chest. With Dean's help I'm able to sit up, still using him as a back rest.

"It's a girl," Sam says with a big smile, tears welling in his eyes. He hands her to me, and I'm overwhelmed with love, joy and exhaustion.

"Shh, shh," I coo before kissing her on her small forehead. "It's okay, we've got you," I whisper. Tears fill my eyes and I can't help but to sob as I look down at her beautiful face. I rock her in my arms, and her cries quickly calm, turning into whimpers. Tracing the features on her soft face I'm mesmerized at how beautiful she is.

Looking up at Sam, my tears continue to fall, but I wear a smile, "we just had a baby!" I say, almost in disbelief. I continue to rock her for a while, as if it were just me and her. Then I feel Dean's hand tap my arm.

I turn to look at his red eyes, then back at my baby, "do you wanna meet your uncle?" I say in a baby voice before looking up at Sam with a silent request to help me hand Dean our baby.

Dean strolls around the Impala to stand next to Sam, taking my daughter in his arms so carefully. He holds her tightly against his chest, eyes crinkling at the corners as he sways with her. He holds his hand over her head to protect her from the wind, bringing his lips down and plants a kiss on the top of her head. "Well, aren't you just a little cutie," he says, then looks over at Sam, "must not take after your daddy," he jokes. "Ha, ha, very funny," Sam says flatly, but smiles. Dean clears his throat after a pause, "do you know what you're gonna name her yet?" Dean asks, and I glance at Sam hesitantly. "Well, I was thinking Mary Y/M/N?" I suggest, and their jaws drop, but their faces light up. Sam takes a few steps towards me to kiss me hard. "It's perfect," Sam says.

~~~ A/N: Y/M/N = either your mom's name or whatever name you want to put here :)

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[englishstrawbie]

Station 19 7x09

Now that was one hell of an episode! Forgive me, this might get long.

Carina DeLuca, I was a little mad that you tried to ruin another sexy moment with baby talk but then you did that little lick before you kissed Maya's abs, so all is forgiven. 🔥 Also Carina describing Maya as her "hot, hot, hot wife" when the episode gave us that ending felt intentional and mean.

The mutual "I love you", the nose rub, the kiss... I love these sweet moments between them. And then there was the "I'll see you at home", which said just as much, like they were willing it to be true because they both know that the wildfires are going to be a hard fight. Especially after Carina had just been treating a patient whose husband was lost in the woods.

"What if this is it? What if I never see him again?" ... we all know where Carina's mind went at that moment.

"I'm sure he's doing whatever he can to find his way back to you" ... oh, I hope she hangs on to these words when she finds out about Maya. (Assuming she does...? It seems to me like they need to get Maya out of that fire pretty damn quick, before Carina even has chance to find out.)

"Monogamy is for the weak" ... "Or the very very dedicated, that's what I said - and that's who I am now" ... THANK YOU for remembering the whole line. It drives me crazy when people only quote the first part, when the second part of it says a whole lot more about who Maya was then and who she is now. That said, I have mixed feelings about the idea of her offering to get pregnant if Carina can't - because the whole point of pushing the IVF at the same time as adopting Liam is because it's Carina's dream to carry a child and experience childbirth. Still, it says a lot about how much she's changed that she's even willing to think about doing it.

THE ENDING. I expect it's been said enough already but HOLY SH*T. What a way to end the episode, to set up Carina for joy and heartbreak at the same time. Stefania's acting was on point in that moment, the little "no" of disbelief when Helm told her she was pregnant and her "why, do you think it's Maya's?" joke. Contrasted against Maya's absolute panic as the flames surrounded her (even if the special effects of the fire were a little distracting). I don't actually believe it will end in heartbreak, I very much believe that Maya and Carina will get their happy ever after with lots of babies. If anything, I suspect we may see Maya question her job with the fire service again as it feels like it's been leading to that - and I'm still not keen on that idea, but (as someone else pointed out to me) if that's her decision, at least she makes it on her own terms.

Although, at this rate, Andy is going to be left with a team at 19 made up of her ex-husband and Beckett. 👀

I loved all the Maya and Andy scenes we got, I'm glad their friendship has been more prominent this season. I love hearing them both say how proud they are of each other.

Maya Kathleen? Didn't they mean Maya Katherine, after her mom?

All the throwbacks to previous episodes and scenes were great and I hope that continues into the next episode. Dibs on the puppy. Hughie. The five OGs on top of the fire truck was such a wonderful scene, watching them all get into the same position as the last time we saw them there. It made me sad that Dean and Jack weren't there.

"We're 19 - family forever" ... ❤️❤️

I hope Theo getting hurt doesn't interfere with Vic's plans to move to DC with Crisis One. It's where she belongs. I love the idea of Travis going with her, although he has good chemistry with the new guy whose name I don't remember.

This was an A+ episode for me and I really really hope next week's finale lives up to the same hype.

[ohanny]

my least delusional take on how kim and kenta might happen in season 2

so call me delusional but i don’t think the prison trio works for tony. first of all, kenta pretty much murdered him and i don’t think tony is the kind of man to forgive that? one could argue he could use it to guilt kenta but like… there are way more risk-free options not inside a prison for stabbing you. winner was a henchman of opportunity and selfish benefit and just looks like the sort to hold a bitter grudge forever. and dean? dean was caught up in the mess at his weakest point and going through the consequences of his own actions. also i want all three of them to move forward and not back.

but obviously they are working for someone - i see them as being rather reluctantly allied with the common goal of getting and, most importantly, staying out of prison. and this is where i want kim to stumble in on their little operation and actually agree with their mission which leads to him teaming up with them. like maybe the trio is trying to figure out what's going on with tony or way or the rest of the child/organ trafficking ring and maybe it's something the x-hunter team has dismissed or doesn't want to dig into but please. since when has st. kimberly of justice have been able to walk away once he catches the scent of something rotten in the state of denmark? never.

winner and dean have a thing against kenta - winner because he's a bitch and dean because kenta ruined his life - and kim sure as shit isn't going to be on winner’s side: so the circumstances make him partner up with kenta by default. together they get shit done and keep the rest of their little gang of misfits in check.

kenta is a bit feral and unstable and kim is very no nonsense about his “you want to figure out who you are and how to be a better person? fucking act like it” opinions. like give me kim being bossy and righteous and kenta wanting to strangle him because he can't deal with someone trying to control and micromanage his every move again. give me kenta lashing out and kim looking at him all “with all due respect - which is none - you can't pull this shit in a civilized society.” give me kenta trying his best to function, having his own rituals and behaviours - some of them very maladjusted and plain sad - and kim, witnessing it from close range, thinking “holy shit that's messed up.”

(kim snaps and gets into kenta’s face and kenta flinches before shaking it off and striking back. kenta is possessive and stupid aggressive about the most mundane things - like his cigarettes, clothes or food - and kim finds it infuriating until he realizes they're the first and only things kenta’s been allowed to actually own. kenta gets banged up in the process of them doing something and kim barks at him to “sit the hell down and let me look at it” and kenta responds with a blank-faced “why?”)

kim might not start out liking kenta, that'll come later and almost by accident, but he pities the man and doesn't think anyone deserves to like that way. and they don't even need to explicitly end up together but give me and ending where it's hinted at as the natural next step now that they've grown genuinely fond of each other.

-

bonus:

kim: hey, i don't like the guy either but we’re on the same side this time

alan: you sure about that?

kim: yeah, he wants nothing to do with tony.

alan: not what i meant but good to know

[icaruspendragon]

hey berk :/ i’m in dire need of a reminder that healing can happen and that there is such a thing as a soft sequel to a harsher story—and i have come to humbly ask for, as one does, any destiel fic recs that you have where they just. get to go somewhere quiet and sunny and slow and. heal. and grow. and have a gentle epilogue.

so if you have a spare moment at some point… please send some my way <3

hello! here are some stories that make me feel soft!!

the lovers choice : “Give me the short version,” says Bobby, and Dean looks at Cas, and Cas just shrugs.

“Uh,” says Dean. “I kind of adopted God.”

or: andrew dabb i see your request for the return of fan favourites and i raise you “jack resurrects them all bc he thinks his dads should have more friends”

things happen (they do, they do, and they do) : So, the first thing that happens is Castiel comes back.

~~~

"Right," Dean says eventually, gruffly. He looks down at his shoes. "I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life, man. It's—you know, yours. Do your thing, love who you love, whatever. I can't really stop you from loving me, if that's what you've decided to do, but I don't—I can't—"

"I know," Castiel murmurs, still just smiling a little, not looking heartbroken at all. "Don't worry about it, Dean, that's all I ask."

"So we're—" Dean risks a glance up, swallowing thickly. "We're good?"

Castiel hums. "We're good."

for which no words exist : 'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

until the end and after : A year ago, the world didn't end. Now it's summer and the cicadas are buzzing, and something is changing. Something is going to give.

and this one is my own fic, but it fits what you’re asking for nearly to the letter so i’m including it.

one more sweet boy to be butchered by men : Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

It’s all he had ever known because it’s all he was ever shown. He was only as good as his last kill. His worth came from his ability to take care of Sam. He existed to take care of others. And Dean had been okay with that, or at least he thought he had been.

Everything changed for Dean when he met Castiel. And everything changed again with the love that came from knowing Castiel.

or; love changes everything, doesn’t it?

i hope you enjoy these!!

[artemis-73]

Suptober Day 15: Sigils

By the time Dean gets back to the hospital, Mary is sitting up and begging her parents for a pudding cup. Her skin looks less sallow, her eye bags less pronounced. Dean knows that Castiel made good on his deal. The test results that come in over the next three days prove it. By the end of the week, Mary's back home.

Everyone says it's a miracle. A gift from God.

If Dean sends a thanks to Castiel through prayer, he's the only one who has to know. He's not even sure if demons can hear prayers.

Then with that uncanny itch under his skin that tells him the crossroads won't be the last time he sees the demon, he gets to researching. He knows he can't waylay his debt. In ten years, he'll die. But before that, he needs to keep the demon away from him and his family. Kansas State University's library has a small collection of scans of old religious texts. Some of them have pages of sigils they claim will keep all manner of creatures away.

He paints them behind the pictures that hang on his walls and carves them into the window sills. He puts a devil's trap under the welcome mat. He even gets a tattoo of the symbol that claims to ward against possession. It's small and hidden on his hip. He almost feels safer with it.

When he comes up for air, he finds Sam and Jess have adjusted to a new normal. Mary doesn't need them as much, and at a sage nine years old, she wants some space. For the first time in years, she has sleepovers with friends and gets to go on field trips. It takes almost six months for her to demand a weekend at Uncle Dean's. He doesn't take it personally; for a long time, he was just an extension of her parents, a safe place for her to stay if Sam and Jess were both busy.

Now, she gets to eat too much pizza and stay up past her bedtime. She's on her third slice—impressive for her size—when she blinks big blue eyes up at Dean and says," Thank you, Uncle Dean."

"For what, kiddo?" he asks absentmindedly. He might be a little too invested in Frozen 2.

"For getting the angel to heal me."

His blood runs like ice in his veins. "What angel?"

"Cassie-el." She trips over the name, but she says it like Dean should just know, and he does. He does. "Mommy and Daddy were in the hallway talking to Nurse Layla, and he sat on my bed and said you talked to him all about me and that you loved me so much he wanted to heal me for you. And then he touched my forehead—" She places two greasy fingers above Dean's right eyebrow. "—and I felt all better…except I was hungry."

"Have you seen him since the hospital?"

"No," she says around a mouthful of pizza. Then she turns back to the TV, like she didn't just send Dean's world reeling. He wrangles her into a crushing embrace that she whines and wiggles her way out of.

She doesn't say another word about it, and he can't bring himself to push, so he sits staring at the TV but not seeing a damn thing. She's half asleep by the time the movie ends, and it takes some convincing to get her to brush her teeth and wash her face, but finally, he tucks her into bed in the guest room.

With his mind still a 100 miles away at a crossroads in the middle of nowhere, he cleans up the living room. He's straightening the pillows on the couch when he feels it. He's not alone.

"Next time you start messing with sigils, make sure the scan is high enough quality to get all the details right."

Castiel is standing by the window, tracing one of the carvings with his finger. He looks the same: rumpled over-sized suit and sex hair.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asks. He angles himself so he's between Castiel and the hallway that leads to the guest room.

Castiel watches him shuffle across the room with what Dean thinks might be amusement. "I won't bother her. She's not who I'm here to see."

"Well, forgive me for being a little suspicious. First time she's spending the night, and suddenly you show up?"

"Oh, that's a coincidence. Our schedules just happened to line up."

Dean's not sure how he knows the demon's lying, but he feels it in his gut. And when Castiel's eyes dart around the room, he almost think it's not malicious.

"What do you want, Castiel?"

"A new boss, a branch transfer, some reprieve from the paper pushing…" He slips the tie from around his neck and crumples it in one pocket. As he undoes the top two buttons on his shirt, he says, "But I'd settle for a beer."

Dean weighs his options—he doesn't have many—and considers the time. He'd just be sitting up alone anyway.

"Fine. One beer. Then you leave."

Castiel ignores him, opting instead to start rooting through his movie collection. Dean leaves him to it. He grabs a couple of beers as quickly as he can. He's not a complete idiot; he's still wary of leaving the demon alone in his home, especially with Mary.

"You can stop worrying about her," Castiel says as he takes the offered beer. "I'm not going to hurt her. Or you, but you seem strangely unconcerned about that part."

"Forgive me for not believing a demon."

"I haven't lied to you yet."

"That I know of."

In a surprisingly human gesture, Castiel rolls his eyes. "You humans are so suspicious."

"You did short my dad eight years."

"I didn't lie to him for that. I told him if he wanted more, he needed to give more, and he agreed gladly… Or as gladly as I imagine he did anything. He was a miserable asshole, wasn't he?"

Dean grits his teeth. "Don't talk about my dad like that."

"You know, when John Winchester's son summoned me, I thought I knew exactly what kind of man I'd find. You are nothing like him. It's almost a shame to only give you ten years."

"Hey, if you want to give me more, I won't complain." Dean's voice wobbles strangely. He doesn't like the way Castiel almost sounds fond of him.

"Sadly, I can take more years, but I can't give them." Castiel actually seems disappointed. He shakes himself. "Let me fix the sigils."

"What, you trying to keep yourself out?"

The way Castiel looks at him makes him feel like a baby bird staring up at a hawk. "None of these will bother me," Castiel says finally. "Besides, there are things far worse for you out there."

Dean watches as Castiel fixes all the sigils he'd put up. He even does the ones in the guest room, and Mary doesn't so much as twitch in her sleep while he does. He adds some more and ignores Dean's questions about what they're warding against.

They're back in the living room, and memories of their first meeting are nipping at his heels when Dean says, "Thank you, by the way. For…you know."

"For Mary? No thanks needed. You did sell your soul for her. Besides, I heard your prayer."

"Oh. I wasn't sure if you would."

Castiel smiles then ducks his head to try to hide it. "Yes, well, I did." He fiddles with his half-empty beer bottle.

When they'd first met, in the middle of the night at a crossroads, Dean had known Castiel's eyes were blue. But now, standing in his living room with the lamp beside the couch on, he can appreciate the exact shade, like a summer day when the sun's just hot enough to bleach the sky a lighter blue.

He practically leaps backwards. He's not sure when or how they ended up so close to each other in the middle of the room. He pretends to study the sigils on the windowsill—the same one Castiel had been tracing not an hour before, he realizes belatedly. He can feel Castiel behind him. He knows that Castiel has gone back to looking at his movie collection. He closes his eyes and starts counting down from ten. When he gets to one, he'll kick Castiel out.

He gets to five when Castiel asks, "Is this any good?"

Dean turns to find him holding up a copy of Tombstone. He can't help but scoff. "Is it any good? It's one of the greatest Westerns ever made, man."

Castiel hums thoughtfully and goes back to studying the cover. And the thing is, it shouldn't matter. The demon can watch an old Western on his own time in his own cozy little corner of hell.

But.

But Dean loves showing people Tombstone, and he's never gonna say no to a rewatch. They sit on either end of the couch and burn through an entire six pack before the posse is even formed. Castiel's focus never wavers from the screen. It's like he's expecting there to be an exam at the end of it. Dean's pretty sure he spends more time watching Castiel than the movie.

He nods off before Doc kills Ringo. The last thing he remembers is Castiel taking the beer bottle from his hand. He wakes up the next morning in his bed with a glass of water on his nightstand.

[according2thelore]

i am super curious if you are interested in how the younger sam & dean handle conflict between the older two? are they picking sides or avoiding the room? i just feel like the later seasons sam&dean fight DIFFERENT and it would be jarring and strange and uncomfortable for the early seasons to see.

ooh that's a great question!

i mentioned this super briefly at the VERY beginning, but i completely agree--LS!Sam&Dean fight differently. for them, almost every fight is a drag-down all-out, tears-in-my-eyes, or i can't lose you, why don't you believe in us too, or if you want to hunt, let's hunt but we can't be brothers.

the emotional stakes--while less grounded in relatable things to the audience (S1 arguing over a parent's perceived neglect/heroism vs S9 you let an angel possess me and i can't forgive you for that)--appear much more intense in the later seasons because there's so much more baggage there. (despite my personal preference for sam & dean arguing about sam being put down like a dog in s2 but i digress)

for ES!Sam&Dean i'm sure it's super confusing and frightening and strange, because these are the things they don't say out loud. they talk around a lot of the big stuff (i'm thinking "be my brother again because...just because") whereas in the later seasons they call each other out specifically on how much they care for each other ("what about me? would you trade me?").

LS!Sam says, "after everything that we've seen, after all the shit i've done, and the shit that i've had to live through--" ES!Sam&Dean can fucking feel it like a detonation. there are depths here that they cannot understand, layers and layers of sediment and fear and love and forgiveness and grudges that have shaped them into completely different people.

ES!Sam&Dean argue and it's mostly petulant and earnest--stop treating me like a kid! let me look out for you, too! be my brother again! dad was a dick, and he didn't take care of us like he should've!

LS!Sam&Dean argue and it's bloody and hurtful--you killed my friend, after i asked you not to and i can't look at you right now. you didn't look for me when you thought i was dead. i can't trust you.

as for how the ES!boys would handle it, i think they would be flabbergasted. it's like watching your parents fight (which of course only dean knows). it's very personal, but alien at the same time. they feel blows land, but don't know where they come from. they would avoid that room at all costs if they can.

but at the same time, some strange force keeps pulling them back until they're standing at the doorway, because it kind of feels like someone's talking about you when you're not there. the curiosity of knowing what they think about you is too great.

at the end of it, it's the magnitude of the fight. if they're snippy at each other, they would immediately abandon all alliances and join with their older selves, because it feels good and fun and familiar to snap back and forth.

but if it's serious--it hurts to look at them. it hurts more to hear.

honestly, if LS!Sam&Dean have a fight and storm off, ES!Dean is slinking into LS!Sam's room later that night like "🥺 i'm sorry man 🥺 you know i love you right 🥺 are you mad at me?" because he can't help but flinch hard whenever LS!Sam shouts dean! come on! in his grown-up voice during the fight.

but ES!Sam is kind of inconsolable, honestly. he's not used to being on the outs with dean. there was stanford, for sure, but that was more sam's choice than anything. phones work two ways, and sam has never really been confronted with a dean that's that doesn't want to see him. they had fights for sure when they were younger, and hit and bit and screamed at each other, but LS!Dean's anger is different. it's consuming, it's massive, it blots out the sun. i'm sure ES!Sam has to talk to ES!Dean for a little bit about unimportant shit to function again after he sees the rage in LS!Dean's eyes as they slid off of LS!Sam and onto ES!Sam.

this was long! but i have so many thoughts about fighting between Sam&Dean and how that changes so much throughout the show, and how ES!Sam&Dean would react! this ask was delicious!!! nom nom nom.

thank you, anon! <3 brilliant!

-lizzy

[castieldelamancha]

"No." It comes out quiet and full of grief.

Dean stares at him, from a distance, just a couple steps away, the war room table between them, but he could well be all the way up in the Moon, just by the cold look in his eyes as they meet Cas'.

Sam gives him a confused look, coming to a halt half-way to where Cas is standing at the end of the stairs.

"Dean, it's me, Castiel." He will let them run all the test they have to to prove he is himself. Holy water, silver, whatever it takes, he doesn't care as long as by the end of it Dean is staring at him as he usually does.

Maybe that's too much to ask for, taking into account the way he left on the first place.

They can talk it out, they can fix it.

Sam starts walking again and, as soon as he is close enough, he hugs Cas tightly, "give him some time," he whispers, patting his back, "it's been bad." The cold grip of guilt's hand around his neck is tight, but Castiel makes an effort to breathe through it. Sam steps back, "It's good to have you back."

He hears him, but Castiel doesn't reply, focused as he is on the man on the other side of the room, on his hurt expression, on the way his hands open and close in fist, on how he takes a step forward, unconsciously, and then takes two back when he notices he has gotten a bit closer.

"You don't get to do this, man."

"I can explain-"

"I can't, Castiel," and his name shouldn't sound like an insult but it does, because for that voice he hasn't been Castiel for a long time, he was always Cas, "I can't keep doing this, I let you in and then you are gone, over and over again." He has stepped closer to the table, keeping something between them, and he is leans towards it, forcefully resting his palms against its surface, he lets his head fall down, hiding his face, "you told me you loved and then you were gone." Sam, who clearly wasn't aware of what happened in those last moments, gasps loudly at that, eyes widening as he stares at them, first at Dean, then at Cas. 

"I don't want you to say anything back, we can forget it even happened, I am terribly sorry I keep hurting you like this."

"You told me you loved me," Dean keeps talking, ignoring Castiel or simply too overwhelmed to have heard him, "and you were gone," his voice breaks slightly at the last word, Sam eyes the door, knowing he should leave them, but also aware of how any distraction could ruin this moment, "and I couldn't even fucking say it back." He rises his voice, using his hand to push himself back and away from the table and turning around.

"What?" Castiel mutters. 

"You heard me."

"Okay, that's it, I am leaving you two to talk this out." Sam doesn't give a shit anymore about being a distraction, he needs to get out of here, now. So he does, aware neither his brother nor Cas are paying him any attention.

"Dean?" Castiel dares to take a step forwards, he dares to take another one, and he dares to circle the table to stand right behind Dean. He reaches out and touches Dean's left shoulder, a brief thing that stars and it's over in the blink of an eye,"I would have never left if I hadn't been forced to by the circumstances, I would have stayed."

"I never asked you to, anyway, because i was a coward." Castiel sighs.

"Would you turn around and look at me, please?" At that Dean takes a deep breath and he tilts his head up, staring at the ceiling but, after what feels as an eternity, he turns around, eyes red-rimmed and avoidant, mouth pressed in a thin, tense line. "You won't ever see me again if that's what you want, but I won't leave without telling you that, even if I apologize for what I put you through, I don't regret what I did that day. I had to do it, for the world, and for all of us, and for you. I wanted to give you another chance. And," he makes a pause and smiles, feeling a familiar wetness in his eyes, " I don't regret what I said either." Dean has every right to push him away, to never forgive him.

"You are back for good, then?" Castiel can't help but hold on tightly onto that timid spark of hope in Dean's eyes. He nods a couple times.

"I will tell you all about it later, right now I just want-" he doesn't finish because he doesn't quiet know what he wants, to be with you, yes, to make things right. That too. 

He doesn't finish because a pair of lips pressed against his own effectively cut him off mid-sentence, "I love you too." The words fall from them as soon as they part ways with Castiel's.

[monstermoviedean]

to offer an additional thought on castiel's headspace

dean up until the rupture argument is kind of blunt and rude to castiel, and had previously stated if mary was gone, castiel was dead to him.

now, dean is not obligated to forgive castiel, but when castiel hears "why does it always seem to be you" he hears "why do you keep failing" and assumes any affection dean had for him has gone.

so he decides to leave because he thinks that up until this point (and started putting up with him) after 14x18, dean has just been putting up with him, so even if castiel knows dean has requested he stick around in the past, hes presuming any past requests no longer apply.

and dean is presuming castiel has finally realized that dean is toxic or something, so he doesnt wanna hold him down, especially if dean saw how distraught cas's expression was and regretted causing it.

anyway. i care about them sooooo much

i understand where you're coming from, and you make a lot of valid points. i do disagree on a few points - and i'm aiming for a discussion tone here, not a critical one, so i hope it comes across that way!

on dean being blunt and rude - i think you're referring to 15x01, when dean asks if cas is okay and then ends the conversation? and the 15x02 conversation about reality and the 15x03 fight? the latter two I'm iffy on. i'm fine saying dean was blunt, and definitely rude in the latter convo. but i also think cas backs him into a corner and demands a conversation dean isn't ready to have. i talked about that a little bit here. that's not to say that dean can say whatever he wants - just that cas is starting these conversations when dean can't really handle them. also, a little funny that cas can often be referred to as blunt and/or rude.

the line about cas being dead to him. ugh. that one i want to blame on berens. but if i take it at face value, yup, that's an unfair and hurtful thing to say! i don't think dean means it but that doesn't negate the hurt it causes.

dean isn't obligated to forgive - yes! and i'd like to add that cas hasn't given much of an apology yet. he's said he's sorry but that's about the extent of it. i've seen people discuss cas "playing" sorry rather than being sorry in the context of s7. while i don't think that's entirely true here, and i do believe cas is sorry, i also think it would have meant a lot to dean if cas sincerely apologized and showed he meant it by giving dean space. cas is not obligated to do this either, of course.

me personally, i don't think whether dean asks cas to stay or not factors much into cas' decision-making. i hear you on past requests not applying anymore, and i see the logic. but for me, cas didn't really honor those past requests either. he came and went as he pleased. so i have a little trouble believing that this was the one time cas wanted to stay and was going to stay if he'd "been allowed," just because the past pattern is primarily dean asking cas to stay and cas choosing to leave.

also, i have no evidence for this, but i would expect the bunker reminded cas of jack. i would imagine staying there would be difficult even if everything was fine between cas and dean.

i think this is an unstoppable force (cas) / immovable object (dean) situation. cas needs to push forward, he needs to talk things through with dean regardless of the consequences, he can't bear to have something "unfixed" when he could "fix" it. dean needs space and time to process his grief and anger and fear, and he can't handle those boundaries being pushed. they're both deeply hurt and they both hurt each other. it's not fair to either of them and it's awful to watch.

and on your last point - yes, i care about them so much too 😭 i've been focusing mainly on dean's perspective here because i see so many discussions of the rupture that essentially blame dean for everything - but i do try to understand cas' perspective too, and i value it.

[nescaveckwriter]

Paintbrushes And Romance 🥰🐞

Dean x Reader

Part 6 🐞🥰

A/N: I don't think my heart is going to make this! 🥰🙈🐞

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Blood, Gore and Blood. 🙈

........

Here's your order, Julie said handing him, his coffee, not even smiling, he grabbed the warm cup and before heading out, Dean stole a quick glance to where your sitting, probably busy writing her new book he thought, going through the door , walking to the impala, running his hand over his face, his so damn tired, he thought to himself, eversince that day he got the note, he hasn't slept much, he wants to catch this bastard, and if he has to be honest with himself, its because his bed is empty without her, laying all tangled up, next to him.

Driving to his house with a CCR song playing on the radio, so that he can freshen up for another long night at the Sheriff's station, while humming to, bad moon rising, he's thoughts starts wandering of to the day he lost a piece of himself.

That morning, they made a breakthrough, gathering evidence over the past few months, from the victims, the biggest breakthrough came when they found beef yet again on one of the victims, cuts. Knowing there can't be to many butchers that closed down , and the predator will need a place where he can keep the victims for so long, they started doing some research on which butchers closed down, so after getting their gear together, they discussed that they will split up into three teams , he and deputy Jack (who was one of his best deputy's and a good friend) was one team that raided the one butchery on the farthest end of town.

Drawing his gun so that he'd be ready for anything but he weren't ready for what happened next, showing Jack some hand signs that'll he should go left and Dean will go right, entering through the two doors, the place has been closed for a while now, the moment he walked in, it hit him, the smell of iron hanging thick in the air, there's blood everywhere! He looks at the center of the room, a large steel table, the blood oozing off, he walks closer, a woman laying there, damnit he says, shock showing on his face. Her hand was cut of at her wrist, shaking his head in disbelief, looking around, is he still here, he wondered,

Excruciating screams filling the room, what she's alive, the sadistic bastard starts removing limbs, while their still breathing, quickly removing he's jacket, covering her wrist, trying to calm her down, hoping she can give them a description of this predator. By the time the ambulance got there, it was to damn late, she lost too much blood!

.........

Late that afternoon, he returned to the station, finding the envelope addressed to him, curious he opened it, first came the photos, then the note ... _She's nearly perfect isn't she? Sheriff, you where very close to catching me today, just know this I can come just as close to her, are you willing to risk her life?_

He couldn't help it, how the hell did he come so close, anger boiling inside of him, putting his fist through the wall, damnit shaking his fist out, seeing the blood on his red, swollen knuckles, shoving the pictures and note off the table.

By the time Sam walked through the door, finding Dean on the floor, playing with what looks like a diamond ring and a nearly finished bottle of whiskey, papers and files scattered all over the floor. What the hell man, he said looking at Dean, while locking the door behind him, closing the blinds, and walking over, taking the bottle from him, Dean just looks up at Sammy, mumbling I'm going to kill that bastard! What? Who? Sam said confusing and concern in his voice, showing Sam the photos, the note. I will never forgive myself, if something happened to her Sammy.

He sobered up, and went to her house, trying to not break in front of her, he revisits the anger, and hardened his face, banging on the door, he had to convince himself and her, that what he said was true, knowing all he really wanted to do is pull her close to him and never let her leave the safety of his arms, she opened the door, her beautiful face filled with concern, big eyed she stood there, he could smell the freshly baked pie, flour still visible on her clothes, with every word he said he could see the heartbreak on her face, he couldn't take it anymore, turned around and walked away, afraid, that if he stood there any longer his eyes would betray him, all he wanted to do is protect her, and if the killer saw that the two of you weren't together anymore, he'll back off.

Grabbing the closest shirt he could find, throwing it on him, he could smell her, the vanilla and orchid scent still strongly on his shirt, she sure did love to wear his t-shirts he thought walking to the impala. Just then he saw a truck pulling at to his driveway, its Deputy Jack he recognized the truck, hey man, Dean says, while Jack gets out, what's wrong buddy, seeing Jack looks like he's seen a ghost, Sheriff, Jack said I'm so sorry!, Sorry for what deputy? Came Dean's question, he has my sister Julie, and he said that if I... Uhm he strutters don't do this, he's going to kill her. Dean's searching, Jacks eyes, for any clue to what he means, seeing, Jack pulling out his firearm, No Jack! wait, let's figure something out together!, I'm, I'm sorry said Jack shakily.

Then came the noise, the look on Dean's face when the bullet hit him in the chest, wasn't anger, but sadness, knowing he'll never get to spent his life, growing old with the one he loves. Sit-laying next to the impala, he hears the screeching sounds of tyres driving away.

Thinking if this is his last breath, he's going to make damn sure, that its worth it, saying how much he loved her, taking his phone out, of his pocket, feeling the vibration in his hand, seeing her name on the family chat, which included all of them, he didn't remove himself from the chat, it was his way of keeping in touch with her. The message broke him in more ways than one, ...Mom, I'm in trouble, I got into a cab, but something is wrong, I can feel it, its the serial killer!

The phone fell to the ground, a stray tear rolling down his cheek, whispering her name, it all went dark, despite the moon shining so brightly...

[marcelllyn]

Mother's Day surprise

It's Mother's Day! I wanted to write something cute about it, and since the Supernatural writers weren't kind to Dean, I decided to let him be happy in the stories in my head. And happy Mother's Day!

Synopsis:It's Mother's Day and Dean surprised you. Warnings: Sexual mentions, pregnancy, I don't think anything else.English is not my first language. Can I ask for forgiveness in advance? This was much better in my head, lately nothing I write has been good, I should have posted about five fanfics, but I don't know what's been happening with my creativity in writing.

See the end for more notes. (An important note!)

The sun hadn't even risen yet and I was woken up by my husband's tender kisses. Caressing my face and massaging my legs.

—Dean? — He said in a voice groggy with sleep. — This isn't time… — I yawned.

— It's four fifty-seven, you know that when the children wake up I won't be able to give you your present. — He whispered.

— My gift can be given at another time of the day. — I kissed your face. — And I'm completely exhausted, I just woke up.

—You're beautiful. — He kissed the tip of my nose. — Beautifully scary.

I laughed and looked at him. I was lucky to have such a handsome husband, my children would be beautiful, that's what I thought when I was pregnant with our first child.

Unfortunately, none of them took after the father's green eyes, but I was hopeful that the baby in my belly would come with his father's eyes. Even though I loved my honey-colored eyes, I thought it was unfair that he only had green eyes, maybe he would feel left out.

— What do you look at so much? — he blinked repeatedly.

— You are very horrible, you know that?

— I know, every time I walk in front of a mirror it breaks.

Dean ran his hand over my growing belly.

— I can't wait to meet my little girl, little boy.

—No preferences. — I scoffed. — Are you okay, my love?

I ran my fingers through his hair, thanks to the lack of time, it had grown a little.

— Why wouldn't I be?

— You know, Mother's Day and well, your mother she…

The smile, in its decline, has always been a difficult topic for him, as well as talking about his father. Since our first child, Dean has been worried about whether he's being like his father.

— I'm fine, I promise. — He walked away. — I think we better go back to sleep, I don't want you to be exhausted on your special day.

I snuggled close to him, taking in his soft scent, his fingers gently untangling my hair. I fell asleep shortly after.

.....

I turned around in bed and felt for Dean's side of the bed, he was no longer lying down, the sun was shining brightly.

I got up from the bed straight to the bathroom, let my nightgown fall to the floor and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My belly starting to grow, everything starting to swell, more dark circles, more marks. As a child, I thought the fate of mothers was terrible, even though I loved mine very much, and for some reason I thought that feeling could pass, but I still think it's terrible, but it has always been my dream to have a beautiful family.

I step into the shower and let the water wash away my melancholy thoughts about my own body.

I finish showering and do basic makeup. — Something I rarely manage to do, I comb my hair, apply the least strong perfume I have and put on clothes that allow me to chase any child. A loose blue dress with little margaritas embroidered on it.

I hear light laughter as I walk down the hallway lined with family photos. Ross's first steps, my travels with Dean, everything I loved most was there in the photos I took.

Dean was terrible at making assumptions, thinking I wouldn't be suspicious of the silence in the morning. I approached the kitchen and a bunch of sprinkles were thrown into the air.

—Happy Mothers Day! — Ross shouted.

A genuine smile appeared when I saw the table full of delicious things and some heart-shaped balloons stuck on the chairs, our little Arabella struggling in her baby chair trying to catch the confetti with her little hands.

—How sweet!

— Happy Mother's Day, my love! — Dean kissed me lightly. — Ross, go get mom’s gift.

My son ran around the house.

—This is so cute. And to top it off we have red fruit pie. — I laughed, looking at the table with tears in my eyes. — I'm starving.

—Here! — Ross handed me a medium-sized box with heart-shaped wrapping paper. — It's my gift, to the best mother in the world!

I kissed her forehead and carelessly opened the package. I opened the box and looked at Dean and Ross with raised eyebrows and a big smile on my face and said:

—A camera! — I jumped for joy twice. - Thank you my loves. — I started crying uncontrollably.

My son looked at me like I had done something wrong, so I hugged him tight. I loved photographing everything, I had several photos of Dean and Sam when they were younger, of my college and the places I visited, I lost the habit after being so busy with two children.

— Mom loved your gift very much. — I wiped away the tears.

I sat in the chair as I fiddled with the camera, took a picture of Dean off guard in his hideous robe.

— Well, now let's eat. — Dean said anxiously.

— I'm going to have to outdo myself on Father's Day. — I joked. — Should I buy a giant pie or a day at a SPA?

— Pie isn't a bad idea. — He served me a piece of berry pie. — And Sam is picking up the kids today.

— Where will he take my children?

— A place that entertains children. — He mocked. — And you'll be able to have a day all your own.

Arabela started to grumble to eat right away, I picked her up from the car seat and sat on my lap, giving her some strawberries so she could bite. Belle, as I nicknamed her, was more like Dean, both in her temperament and appearance. Her eyes, even though they weren't green, were similar to his, her dark blonde hair and her smile with her small but sharp canines. I noticed Ross's chewing noise.

— Hey, hey, Ross, the food won't come off the plate.

—Sorry dad. — He smiled with his mouth full. — I want to go to Uncle Sam's house soon.

— I wonder if my nephew is that eager to come here. — Dean joked.

— Considering that you are his uncle, I don't think so, now if you were his father and Sam was his uncle…

—Did you just say that I'm a boring father and uncle?

— I didn't use the word, boring, at any time. — I stuck my tongue out at him. — Ross, do you think your father is boring?

I looked at the boy with his hair properly cut, wearing pajamas from his favorite band, AC/DC. Dean made us all love rock, even though Ross was in my belly, he would play all the songs from these bands for him to listen to.

— Not every day.

Dean raised his eyebrows and said:

— What do you mean not “every day”? — He said in disbelief. — I let you eat candy before dinner, ride in my car and you still call me boring.

—Not every day. — I pointed out. — What do you mean sweets before dinner?

Arabela started making cute baby noises, wanting to get off my lap, I put her on the floor and glared at them both.

— If today wasn't my day, we'd both be grounded.

— But you keep saying that Mother's Day, Children's Day and Father's Day are dates… How do you say it? Ross asked.

— Capitalists. - Smile. — Children really retain information.

The bell rang. I didn't think Sam would come so soon, but he was always very punctual.

— What are you giving in exchange for him to be with two children all day?

— It wasn't my idea, it was my sister-in-law's. Dean got up to answer the door.

Ross ran to get his backpack, leaving half the cereal in the bowl, and Belle walked with her arms raised and her steps slow and uncoordinated.

—Good morning! — Sam's deep voice was always differentiable from the others.

—Sam! — I jumped out of my chair to give my best friend a bear hug.

—Happy Mothers Day! — He squeezed me lightly, being careful with the baby in my belly. — She's radiant.

— You're married, man. — Dean slapped his brother on the shoulder. — How is my sister-in-law?

— Very good, she loves having more children at home. — Sam picked up Bela, she looked like a doll next to him. — She's so much cuter, how can babies get cuter every day?

— They're babies. — I kissed my daughter's cheek. — I hope they don't give you too much of a headache.

— I do not accept returns before 8 pm. — Dean took Bela's two bags. — I owe you this favor.

— And there's my favorite nephew! — Sam shouted, covering the ears of the baby in his lap. — Ross, since you're big, I hope you're as tall as your uncle.

Dean rolled his eyes and snorted.

— Well, time to go, your cousin and aunt are looking forward to seeing you. — Sam kissed my cheek. - See you later.

— Take good care of my children and happy Mother's Day to Eileen.

— See you later, mom. — Ross hugged me gently.

— Bye, son, behave yourself, or you won't see Uncle Sam until you're seventeen. — Dean hugged his son tightly. — And, my flower, I will miss your annoying crying. — He kissed the top of Bela's head.

Dean helped Sam put the bags and Arabella in the chair, while I cleaned the table. I tortured myself for a while, thinking that I didn't offer Sam anything to eat.

— Look, the house arrives, it has an echo. — Dean hugged me from behind. — So, what do you want to do first?

— How about cleaning the kitchen and then watching Twilight?

— I don't like movies with vampires, but can we see The Godfather?

— I thought it was my choice, after all, it's Mother's Day.

— Everything but twilight. I refuse to watch this movie!

— One day I'll make you Team Edward.

.......

Finally, we were sitting on the couch as Twilight played. At the beginning of the film, I was centered, it was good to have some time away from children's cartoons. But Dean's kisses started to become more insatiable, I ended up on his lap, kissing him more and more sloppily.

Dean's hands were desperate. He grabbed my thighs and lifted me into the air.

— Dean! — He smiled between his lips. — Try not to knock me down.

We walked slowly to the room without any difficulty. He gently placed me on the bed. Dean threw away his shirt and belt. I thought it would be something serious before he played Welcome To The Jungle by Guns N' Roses.

I started laughing desperately as he danced and sang as strangely as he could. I laughed until I lost my breath. Dean climbed on top of me, tickling me.

— Dean! — I shouted between laughs. — Dean!

He was also out of breath and panting as he looked at me with those bright, beautiful eyes. I pulled the back of his head for a kiss, even though I was almost out of breath, I managed to kiss him a little.

— Do you want me to turn off the music?

—It is not necessary. — I took off my dress. - I like this song.

— Of course you like it, otherwise I wouldn't be married to you.

.......

Dear few people who read, I love writing about supernatural, especially about Dean, but I wanted to try writing fanfics about maybe Billy Russo, Count Vronsky, anyway some book characters maybe. I still don't know! If you can say the name of a character you like,It's even better if you can say how you would like me to write it. (You know the fanfic “Just one bed.”, I’ll keep writing it, and it will probably be the only one about supernatural for now.)

[queen-of-deans-booty]

There's No Place Like Home: Part Three

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.7k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst

Summary: Charlie is back from Oz but she's not quite how Sam and Dean remember her. You're pretending to be on your best behavior, but you're making it clear that anyone who stands in your way is only going to end up hurt.

Season Ten Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

Dean joins you outside and Charlie turns to Sam.

"Are they okay?"

"Look, you gotta ignore Y/N. She'll say anything to hurt you."

"What's Dean's excuse?"

"He's going through something right now no husband should have to go through. I'll tell you on the way. Come on."

Dean's car is done by the time he gets to it, and he uses the address Sam gave him. Russell isn't at work yet so you two are staking out the business to see when he comes in.

"Tell me something, Dean. I get I'm your wife and everything, but why won't you let me go?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to hunt. I don't have any interest in saving people's lives. I certainly don't want to be locked in the dungeon for the rest of my life, so just let me go."

"No. You know I won't do that."

"But why?"

"No reason."

Dean thinks back to the conversation he had with Sam and Cas when he discovered he had your soul inside him.

"Your soul has been tethered to her since you two were born. You're soulmates. When you died, your soul pulled at hers until it left her body."

"Put it back!"

"It's not that simple. Her soul is tainted from your time as a demon. From the second you died, your soul started tainting hers to become as black as yours. The longer you went as a demon, the worse it got. When Sam cured you, he started the process of purifying your soul which is why you were able to become human again.

"Your soul became pure, but hers stayed tainted. If I were to put it in her body now, the power of the Mark along with her corrupted soul would completely destroy her from the inside. There would be no saving her at that point. Her soul would not be able to be purified after that. If we wait too long to put it in, then she will corrupt her own soul."

Dean has no idea what to do with this information. He raises his arms and lets them slam down back to his sides in frustration.

"Okay," Sam stutters, "how long does something like that take?"

"Considering we're in uncharted territory, I don't know. Though, the longer she is without her soul, the more the Mark will corrupt her."

"Let me get this straight," Dean says and walks closer to Cas, "if you shove her soul back in now, she becomes so corrupted that there is no hope in saving her, thus she dies. If we wait too long to put it in, the power of the Mark will corrupt her so much that she will start to taint her now-purified soul to the point where she dies. Am I missing anything?"

"There is a very small window in which we need to act, but I don't know when that window will come. You two need to keep an eye on her so she doesn't become worse than she is. The Mark feeds off power and the more you give it to her, the quicker it will corrupt her."

He can't let you go off on your own because you'll feed the Mark with power and he wouldn't forgive himself if you destroyed yourself before he had a chance to save you.

"No, there's something else. What is it? Why won't you just let me go?"

Dean doesn't have a chance to answer because Russell is pulling into work and heading inside. He gets out of the car without waiting for you to follow him. You'll get your answer sooner or later. You get out and follow Dean inside the building who is signing into the book for a fake appointment. Two hours pass before the receptionist calls Dean's name. Both of you walk into his office and sit across from him at his desk.

"Is that it for the day?" Russell asks the receptionist.

"Yes, sir."

"Okay. You can head out. When you do, I need my dry cleaning taken to the lake house, and pick up Pepper and take her to the dog groomers, okay?"

"Yes, sir."

Wow, what a douche. Dean is thankful that you decided to keep your mouth shut instead of tearing him a new one.

"Thank you. Mr. and Mrs. Presley, I'm Russell Wellington. What can you tell me about what you're looking for today?"

"Let me describe my dream home." Dean starts to explain his dream house which you had full capability of building for him. That's when you had magic. Man, you miss having magic. Your magic was tied to your soul and you have no idea where it is. The longer Dean speaks, the more Russell grows impatient. "I'm not saying that I have to have a jacuzzi. I'm just saying that I really like bubbles."

"Mr. Presley, I'm just gonna stop you right there. Judging from your cheap shoes, your faded jeans, and your wife's ripped clothing, I'm guessing the only house you're in the market for comes with wheels. I'm a busy man. My time is extremely valuable. I prefer not to have it wasted by some hayseed."

"I'm willing to buy if you're willing to sell. Why don't you show me what you got?"

"I can show you the door." Okay, this guy has really gotten on your nerves. He picks up the phone to presumably call security when you jump up from your chair. Dean doesn't have time to stop you from grabbing the phone and slamming it on the receiver. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"He's the one who is going to save your life unless you'd like us to leave in which I will take great pleasure hearing your screams of pain as you die a slow and painful death, I assume."

"Excuse me?"

"Hill and Oak Street. A station wagon with a man and a woman in it was on their way to pick up their little daughter from a slumber party. Does that ring a bell?" Dean asks.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Russell stutters.

"Of course, you wouldn't. You were probably too drunk to remember anything that night," you scoff.

"I think you have me confused with somebody else."

"Yeah, maybe with somebody who wouldn't pay people off to cover up manslaughter."

"You're insane." Just then, all the lights turn off in the building which can only mean someone cut them off. Seems like Dark!Charlie is here. The emergency light above the door turns on, and Russell looks around nervously. "What the hell is going on?"

"I'll deal with her."

"You're not dealing with anyone. You stay here."

"You're forgetting I couldn't care less about this man's life. You leave me alone here, I might kill him myself for what he did. Do you want that?"

"Shit," Dean whispers. "Fine, go talk to Charlie."

You smirk and leave the office to see Charlie sitting on a waiting room chair with a long knife in her hand. She twirls it slowly and looks at you with curiosity.

"Where have you been?" she asks.

"Around. What do you think you're going to do with that knife?"

"Intimidation. I don't want to hurt him. I just want to talk."

"Yeah, like you talked to all the others? Listen, Charlie, the only reason I am not hurting you is because of this." You point to the device in your neck. "I am not afraid to hurt you or your good side but I have other plans and they all don't involve me being in the dungeon for the rest of my life. So, you can see how you've become a problem, right?"

"You're right. I got out of hand," she nods, "but this was never about revenge."

"God, aren't you supposed to be the bad one?" you scoff. "Stop crying about Mommy and Daddy. You're preaching to the wrong person about your supposed pain. This sudden nice girl shit doesn't work on me. If you want revenge, I'm more than happy to give it to you."

"You're like me," she says and drops her nice girl facade.

"No, worse." You walk over to her and snatch the knife out of her hands. "Is there another knife on you?"

"Of course."

"Then use it," you smirk. You take Dark!Charlie into the room with Russel and Dean. One of them looks terrified and the other one looks pissed. Dean leaves the room and walks over to you but you hold the knife you took from her. "Chill out. I disarmed her."

"Celeste," Russell gasps softly.

"No one's called me that in a long, long time."

"I am so sorry. What I did... I was young. I was stupid. What I took, I can never give back to you. What I did after the accident should have never happened. I wasn't drunk for that. I was stone-cold sober. It was selfish and wrong and I should pay for it. I will pay for it."

"You took everything from me."

"Please, Celeste, I am so sorry."

Dark!Charlie turns to you and Dean and stares at you. You give her one nod before she slams the door shut. Dean immediately jumps into action while you stay where you are and twirl her knife in your hand.

"Did you do this?" Dean glares at you.

"I don't think my answer will satisfy you."

"Help me get this damn door open!"

"No, I don't think I will," you smirk and sit down on the edge of the receptionist's desk.

Dean has bigger things to worry about than you so he focuses on getting the door open. When he does, Russell is sitting in his chair, dead, and the window behind him is open suggesting Dark!Charlie escaped that way.

Dean curses and glares at you while dialing someone on the phone. He'd use the remote on you but then he'd have to lug your body out to the car and find Dark!Charlie. No, he'll deal with you afterward.

"Dean," Sam says when he answers. "I'm putting you on speaker. What happened?"

"It's over. She got to Russell. She killed him. Y/N let her kill him," Dean glares.

"What can I say? I love a good revenge plot," you chuckle.

"Oh, my God," Charlie gasps.

"Charlie, if you can hear me, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's mine."

"No, don't say that. This is not on you."

"It kind of is," you say loud enough for them to hear you. "She's the one who went to the Wizard and split herself into two. I don't have to hear her say it to know what happened. This is completely on Charlie, one hundred and ten percent."

"Shut up, I swear to God," Dean says angrily at you. "Did you guys find a way back to Oz?"

"Maybe. The Man of Letters who originally found the key is still alive. He lives in Junction City under the name Michael Carter. I'll text you the address. Just come meet us."

"We're on our way." Dean hangs up the phone and walks past you. "You're a parasite, you know that?"

"Cry me a river," you roll your eyes and follow after him.

x

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[anewkindofme]

The delicious thing about Defan's co-dependency is it comes in a way you rarely see in media.

I think if you look at relationships like Sam & Dean, they're used to just being around each other always. One can't really survive long without having the other by their side.

Spoilers below the cut for both Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries.

With Defan, they're perfectly fine being apart from each other for decades a time. The issue is they simply cannot quit one another. Even when their dynamic is at it's most toxic, Damon is thinking of all the ways he can ruin Stefan's life next. Meanwhile, Stefan is in some ways always waiting for Damon to come back into his world. That cat-and-mouse game is what they depend on. Without it, they're lost.

Then they rebuild that bond and still have their struggles but at the end of the day will always forgive each other because they cannot live life without the other. They have spent centuries being so intertwined that they cannot picture life without each other. They need that to get them through.

Even when Damon is angriest with Stefan, he is so damn possessive. Whether it be his issues with Klaus or Lexi. Stefan is his baby brother.

I constantly see theories that we don't really know when Damon died. There's a chance he and Elena didn't actually have a happy ending. Especially considering their individual peaces are reuniting with family vs eternity with one another. Maybe Damon truly could not live a long human life without his baby brother. It differs from SPN. We see that Sam lived a long, average life and died of old age. Versus Damon who goes from the cemetery with Elena to suddenly the afterlife.

I'm not even suggesting Damon offed himself. Just that without Stefan, he was even more reckless. Combined with not used to being human, I could see him getting hurt in some way and subconsciously bringing himself back to his baby brother.

These two are so freakishly co-dependent and need massive therapy...but it's also oh-so-much-fun to watch.