#but i hope it is cos i wanna post something so bad

[scopophobia-polaris]

So, to add on to Navi's post, because her whole read for the original was getting screenshots from the game to debunk what was said, of course....we are now here. I want to tell you that no one here disagreed with your conclusion about Ganondorf being a victim. What we here disagreed with was the method you used to get there. Simplifying Ganondorf down to solely good or solely evil is something this Fandom does all the time with little to no nuance. And even though you have written an eloquent essay, Published even! You twisted or outright made up parts of the game to get to your conclusion. In essay writing, that's called a logical fallacy, and the whole essay either twists what happens in the game or outright gets it wrong.

Now people are probably gonna wonder why I'm treating this like a big deal or why I'm speaking so blunt, because this is by all means very stupid fandom drama.

But I think when you're a college prof and you get an essay published and it's online for people to read everywhere without you, one, not giving the context behind Ganondorf's creation and the coding of his appearance and motivations, two the complexities of a corporate conglomerate in a notoriously socially conservative country taking aesthetics from countries who were historically colonized. And Three, The way that video games are a collaborative effort with usually no singular vision, this is very true at nintendo despite what people may think, and at any moment changes can be made for any reason by team leads or executives that would hinder or even hurt a story. It detrimental to the audience reading it that you do not provide them more of a couple of screenshots

Basically, many things go into a story and now I'm taking this more from a DOYLIST view right here talking about Nintendo. But I'm doing this because you keep trying to say..... well fuck man do I need to pull up more examples? Navi got them all, the whole essay is you trying HEAVILY to imply that Nintendo MEANT to do all of this, as in intentional in the story, idk I feel crazy, words have meaning, specific wording has implication, oh and this dosent even get into how localization can change things 😃😀 wording has meaning and sometimes translators don't have cultural contexxxtttttttt and to not even mention about Nintendo's history or even the short hand that comes from Ganondorf's design and the historical Orientalism behind it feels like a disservice to the paper, but much more qualified people then I have discussed the way Ganondorf is written and probably would love to discuss or link to previous writing again if asked.

And this is a cold take but Nintendo isn’t the place you should be looking to for deep story telling, they will always be a corporate entity first and the bottom line is a general audience, this does not mean JUST KIDS this means to a generalized population. And this is extremely cynical but a lot of people cant even handle the complexity of a female character who is mean, like Midna, do you really think people would handle a Ganondorf like how he is in Tp being portrayed in any form of film language as good????? This game dropped 5 years after 9/11, Nintendo was never gonna lose out in money like that.

And Dude people have given so much shit to HUGE fanartists and comic authors about their work portraying Ganondorf in a sympathetic light, you would of thunk more people would of picked up on Ganondorf's story being written as tragedy if there was something in the game that actually DID that. Maybe they would of written a blog post about how Midna saw Link kill Ganondorf and was ashamed of that or Ganondorf TOTALLY said the history of light and shadow will be written in blood thing before the final battle, you think people would of talked about huh why did Ganondorf say that there or something and maybe went 🤔 instead of it being argued that Tp Ganondorf had the weakest writing of the series until TotK threw a pile of flaming shit at my door with a picture of Ganondorf on it.

Navi also goes in depth on how Hyrule has not exactly stagnated like what was claimed in History of Light and Shadow by using the Goron merchants and Yeto as examples.

Rynling has stated that the cause of the stagnation and decline is due to an ineffectual leader that has "Not allowed its people to be revitalized by change and diversity."

Now I am familiar with the flaws of an undetermined national unity, I am very familiar with the subject, but I’m not going to speak like an authority. Id rather let someone much more qualified make that post and I link back to it, because i know its coming. But Navi said in her post that the idea of what could of happened at Arbiter's Grounds can completely blow over someone's head if they didn't play OoT first, and I think more or less this is accurate, certain things are lost in Wind Waker even with the recaps, but I wanna join in on this in my own way...

Rynling....you may say Hyrule has been on a decline during Tp......you may even think OoT had a more stable Hyrule or some shit.....i THINK YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE PLOT OF OCARINA OF TIME BAYBEEEEEEE

THE SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIAL THAT I CAN PULL UP TO PROVE MY SHIT ABOUT OOT HYRULE BEING DOG SHIT IN COMPARISON TO TP

Like if you're seriously gonna link me and Navi to your essay then I am about to go full BTW it's a Sativa and eat that bitch after midnight cuZ we YELLIN ABOUT OCARINA OF TIME ON THIS POST FOR EVERYONE🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

All of Ocarina of Time's narrative is haunted by the civil war, the whole reason why Link is being raised in the woods is cuz of the civil war, the Sheikah are implied to have died out during the same conflict, and well its said that Hyrule was unified during it

Civil War yet the translators use unified the country like it WASNT under a sole ruler before? Hello? I need to go back through the Japanese script for the game again to see if i missed something of the game and freak it harder. And do realize the Deku sprout in this screenshot says fierce war but every where else, including the Zelda wiki (not fandom) its CIVIL War.

The Gate to Death mountain and Simultaniously the fence at Zora's river gives us and idea that peace was....tenuous at best downright hostile at worse given relations with the Gerudo

so today we gonna do some fun comparing and contrasting the Gorons and how they are treated in OoT to TP

and we gonna start with his racist ass BHJBHDBHKCJW

I mean, damn remmeber how mad Darunia is at Link for being the supposed royal family messenger? Link Unlocking the door to Darunia's room with Zelda's lullaby, I think it's a little funny that Darunia is hung up , you know, like he knows this is some disrespectful shit

Hey wannna hear some shit? The gates at the edge of death mountain aren't guarded by Gorons and were not built by them you can tell, the only way to visit the mountain is to get permission from the King to go up and not from the people that actually live there

God and like, there is something about the way Darunia locks himself in his room, like he does it to keep the ruby safe from all the other Gorons being so hungry that he's frightened they're gonna eat it, he doesn't know what to do on how to act about the Dodongos that Ganondorf summon on him for not giving over that rock. It qlmost sounds like when Ganondorf came in and Threatened Darunia, and that he (Darunia) sent a message to the royal family asking for help, why else would he be expecting someone to come meet with him?

"If I'm not mistaken, you came out here to eat the red stone too! Well, too bad! It's not here! What? That's not why you're here? You're looking for a "Spiritual Stone?" You must mean that delicious-looking red stone that was once displayed above the city! I was so hungry that I thought it would be OK to just give it one tiny, little lick...so I snuck up there. But it was already gone! I think Big Brother took it away. He always says that everyone is after that red stone! Big Brother has shut himself up in his room saying, "I will wait in here for the Royal Family's messenger!" this is a quote from the Goron that you can find on the middle of the rope bridge thing in Goron city.

Yeah so he sent a letter or something and no one answered yeesh.

contrast this all with TP where OH LOOKS WHO'S GUARDING DEATH MOUNTAIN

so in TP spoilers, this happens

Kakariko is more connected then ever! Renado here is wondering what the hell is going on with their FRIENDS. And yeah the Goron elder Gor Coron is trying to keep the last few people from kakariko left safe, and other Gorons, i mean, theyre keeping a piece of the fused shadow in there. also the way that entry into the temple goes in this game is cute, Darunia was freaking it cuz everyone is starving, but here Link wrestles his way up a mountain to ask the Gron elder whats happening since he was asked to come here by Renado, Gor Coron goes DAMN

unless......?

IDK ITS LIKE? ITS SILLY? Idk Hyrule isnt the best place but why try and act like this doesnt happen during TP?

so where am i getting at with this? the hell was going on back during OoT? If things are so odd and weirdly tense with the gates gaurds and non responses

"As time passed, the Triforce became a legend, and the different people of Hyrule forgot the laws and wisdom that the goddesses had left behind. Warfare and strife became common in Hyrule, as the armies of the Zora marched on the Hylians. The Gorons fought the Gerudo. It seemed every race of Hyrule was at the other's throat. Only the secluded Kokiri, sheltered by their magical forest and the Great Deku Tree, were spared the destruction of Hyrule's civil wars.

After 50 years of ceaseless combat, there arose a Hylian King of great wisdom, courage and power. Through his brilliant military campaigns and wise diplomacy, he was able to bring the varied people of Hyrule into a tenuous harmony. Treaties of peace were signed, and prosperity once again seemed to bloom in Hyrule. But no sooner had people declared peace in Hyrule than trouble once again stalked the land."

Tenuous Harmony, could you imagine if they dropped a line like this in Creating a champion? The tumblr side of the fandom would go fucking nuts with that info like OHHHHH SHIT WAS GOING ONNNNNN

This was ALL on the offical Nintendo Zelda website back when oot was the big game out, we have this cuz someone saved it to the wayback, THIS SCREENSHOT WAS FROM DECEMBER 14TH 2001, ABOUT A FULL YEAR AND A DAY UNTIL WIND WAKER WAS RELEASED IN JAPAN. THAT'S INSANE RIGHT???? ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

And then it all probably got deleted once wind waker became the new thing!!! Or when they wanted to modernize and deleted it!!! THAT SUCKS RIGHT????

And what's worse is that it introduces some new info and also clarifies something. Hey you know when I made that post like damn Darunia racist as hell

"Warfare and strife became common in Hyrule, as the armies of the Zora marched on the Hylians. The Gorons fought the Gerudo."

NO WHERE IN THE GAME THE LEGEND OF ZELDA OCARINA OF TIME IT SAYS THIS, IT DOES NOT STATE THERE WAS CONFLICT BETWEEN THE GORONS AND GERUDO.....LIKE DIN GET YA KIDS.....IM LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR SOMETHING I MUST OF MISSED.

But Like oh hey a fucking explanation to why he just fucking says that, I figure it was cuz of Ganondorf trying to almond mom all of them or that he kept talking to the King and well.....Navi already showed the GENERAL reaction to the Gerudo in castle town.

it went from oh hes just racist to dARUNIA AND GANONDORF HAVE HISTORY????

But the interesting one is why did thy Zora "marched on the Hylians."

Like sitting here like, I know a comic made in Germany shouldn't be a be all end all in shit I knew it never was and it would like. If you put this in warrior cats canonicoty categorization would be considered lower down supplementary material dubious canon, but their are things in the comic AND the Himekawa manga that behinds some behind the scenes actions given that LINK'S MOM HAS A MOSTLY CONSISTENT DESIGN WHAT THE HELLLLLLLL. And I always thought the Goron Zora war thing was stupid but Nintendo then had that out on their website, what the hell was going ON.

Because idk i didnt think much of Zora De Bon XVI and the Hyrulien King's relationship but

Now a days the Zelda website is much different and does not have lore pages like this anymore, it's more like a summary of the timeline. But yeah actually Nintendo approved shit, Hylian/Zora war.

Hyrule is progressing, its just going slowly, Hyrule is not AS stifled by its monarchy or a lack of integration during TP because Hyrule IS integrating, is people's are intermingling like is hasn't before during this game.

And this isn't even to get started on the E3 demo of Twilight princess that the trip that Link is supposed to take at the beginning of the game was to be the representative of Ordon at the "Hyrule summit

and Hyrule is described in a VERY specific way

Kingdom of Hyrule and neighboring realms? like theyre all not under the crown? so like???? FUN, that didn't end up making it in the game. the dailouge that is, But the remints is still there in the way the game is made up, like how OoT is built off is civil war bones

actually funny, Navi just got me screenshots of the way the dialouge was changed here

Like stuff clearly changed during the demo and finished game, I should of been touching more on the intricacies of how like shit was just change for no reason sometimes but uh....

But maybe @rawliverandgoronspice would want to one day like about games industry stuff if you ever want to 😭 I know you're super passionate on this and I wish I like even off hand mentioned something about how like TP is also effected by how games are made but I didn't and I'm a fool but games are complicated as hell and that post you made talking a bit about it was fun ya know 👉👈 and the Beta of Tp changes a LOT of stuff, one Rusl really is like a brother to link in the way he messes with him, it actually makes some weird Nintendo licensed shit saying hes like a big brother to Link made WAYYYYY more since with the Beta in mind, but....that also mean they tried to keep the big bro vibes....but then put the dad ones in there too like.....uh...did..someone not change his summary anywhere?

that was my big thing i wanted to talk about, navi's already touched on everything else i just think the parallels here between the Goron quest between OoT and TP changes in such a nice way.

And like this doesn't get into other shit about TP, like if we wanna deep dive into shit ya don't gotta do it by twisting the story, like I was going and talking to @blackautmedia to ask with some help when it came to like.......god idk what i even said anymore i was going a mile a minute. He wants to write his own thing on Twilight princess so im not gonna step on his toes but he has recommended Arabs and Muslims in the Media: Race and Representation after 9/11 by Evelyn Alsultany, the link I provided here is too her website and her page on the book this link here is from her own site that has a pdf of a part American Quarterly with a paper by the same name.

Anyways i wanna reflex for a moment cuz ive been up for hours finishing this because my brain wont stop unless i do. But the thing that by all means started this, was not your reblog linking me and Navi to your essay, or that there is 2 versions i found out where the paper published one had a lot more context to why you wrote your tumblr post the way you did, Navi helped me get the parts that were cut, please realize removing these does not remove the sentiment from the essay, its baked in.

fanfic, its a popular Fan interpretation that there was fighting between the Gerudo and Hylians after Ganondorf was caught trying to take the triforce, but this is not stated to of happened in the lore itself or even has evidence to back it up other then the Implications of Arbiter's grounds theory

UGHHHH AND THIS AGAIN "Twilight Princess Delivers a subtle yet poignant protest against neoliberal discourses of empire reflected in the rhetoric of heroism inform the geopolitical movements of Japan throught the twentieth century"

WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT......

i dont mean this in a stupid ass way, im saying where the hell was about the protest thing, wait i really shouldt take from the published one cuz you actually dumbed down the line for tumblr

anyways again, where, Navi made it clear enough with her own post that, no, the way that Ganondorf is animated has no sympathy for him until the light is literally leaving him. Hell Twilight princess inst very kind to the gerudo either given that the only thing said about them is that they were thieves and nothing more. Like somehow OoT is more empathetic to the Gerudo, it doesn't just call them thieves, it aint great its not even good its just a bad portrayal of a people, and yet somehow OoT is willing to show the Gerudo in a neutral light at points then TP ever did.

but the reason i decided to just throw down a post is cuz i was pissed that you went after Ezlo for reblogging ME and NAVI's posts and purposefully misunderstood their fuckin wind waker post about ZELDA YOUTUBERS

dude you had them getting genuinely harassed by people with 0 reading comprehension that thinks a snarky reply to a tumblr post means its 100% correct. Webbed. Site.

anyways, I hope people don't take this as a right or wrong way to interpret a piece of work, as stated before, I read your essay, navi read your essay, you changed parts of Twilight Princess to get to the conclusion of you paper...And im gonna be real but it's kinda crazy that you're using post colonial melancholia for this when it's got some.....well something like idk i need someone to do a full ass review because there are point where i gently raise an eyebrow im gonna be real. but also like

like how do you read his book and then miss out on this, one of your whole big aruments is that hyrule is stagnate and not multi cultural and i had to grab screenshots and Navi had to get shit from the game.

like damn, do yall ever uh feel a strange sadness when dusk falls? i do. Idk this is one of the first and last times Nintendo ever delt with Ganondorf with some form a sympathy for him, cuz we got the dragon explosion in totk its like oh he's turbo evil now and he exploded you exploded him and yet the Gerudo probably still gotta pay for his shit from a billion years ago anyways idk idk idk pot shots at totk again.

I know you dug around a little for that post, and I understand from the numerous people that dmed me about that, you probably went on making an essay on their post so you could sound smart again.

And to be clear, I was told to drop some shit i was about to say about you because no one wants to start fandom drama, neither do I truly and any jab on the post itself would just be rude. people change and some people only learn to shut the hell up, so we'll keep it at that. I just hope you really don't truly recognize some of these people you started shit with.

So yeah tldr, uh.....idk, im going in for an autism screening in a month

also me watching the ending to windwaker cuz i wanted to say something about stong endings TP fans im sorry But Wind waker's ending hits no matter what best sequal to OoT thats isnt Majora's mask

The History of Light and Shadow

At the end of Twilight Princess, Ganondorf delivers one of his most memorable lines, “The history of light and shadow will be written in blood.” He is not wrong. As the player has witnessed over the course of Link’s adventure, Hyrule is haunted by ruins and ghost towns, a mere shadow of what it once was. The landscape is filled with numerous sites of past violence and empty spaces visibly marked by decay and wasted potential.

When Zelda tells Link and Midna that “these dark times are the result of our deeds,” she is referring to specific historical acts of imperialistic aggression. Hyrule established hegemony over its outlying territories by crushing the rebellions against its advances, but the kingdom has suffered from cultural stagnation as a result. Without the dynamic diversity symbolized by Ganondorf, Hyrule finds itself in economic and political decline, isolated from any contact with the world beyond its shrinking borders.

As a representative of a marginalized group of people who have been attacked and driven from their homes, Ganondorf is a tangible manifestation of the horrors of imperialism. He must be defeated, but doing so does not address the underlying problems that have resulted in Hyrule’s decline. I therefore want to argue that Twilight Princess uses Ganondorf to deliver a subtle yet poignant protest against the discourses of empire reflected by the dualistic “light and shadow” rhetoric of heroism that has resulted in tragedy and regret.

Keep reading

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Miller's Christmas Tree Farm

Part two - Mistletoe and wine

Summary: You and Ellie move to the farm and meet a very grumpy Joel for the first time. But his mood does not affect how motivated you are for your new job and living out your Hallmark movie fantasy of living on a dreamy snowy farm. And maybe all this planing and working with the, you have to admit, very handsome grump of a man might lead you to start living out your very own love story.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Rating: T

Wordcount: 10k (can you believe that???)

Warnings: no outbreak AU, major Hallmark movie vibes, fluff, working through grief and heartbreak, character death, a lot of Christmas planning, a Husky called Edward (after Edward Cullen), pining, teasing, Ellie and Tommy being menaces, a kiss (or two), some making out, tension, feelings

Co- written with @jennaispunk 💜

follow @toomanystoriessolittletime-fics and turn on notifications to get notified when I post new fics

Full Masterlist // Joel Miller Masterlist // Miller's Christmas Tree Farm Masterlist

Driving up to the farm felt like something straight out of a Hallmark movie. 

Really. 

A fresh layer of snow covered the ground, big, also snow covered trees lining the long driveway. You could see tiny Christmas trees behind the big ones, most likely already growing for upcoming years, bringing a smile to your face.

Not long after a house came into view. 

„Woah,“ Ellie said from the backseat and you nodded. 

„It’s beautiful,“ you said, slowing down. 

There were four buildings, all in dark red. But the biggest one, the one you were pretty sure was the main house had a wrap around porch. It looked well taken care off, the trees surrounding the house adding to the charm. 

You wondered if there were Christmas lights hung in them and you made a mental note to add some if not. 

With a little money and a lot of work getting this farm back on track would hopefully be easy. 

As you parked your car next to an old truck the door of the house sprung open and you noticed Tommy walking out and towards you. 

„You ready Ellie?“ You asked, turning in your seat to look at her.

She only nodded with a shy smile that you mirrored before you took your seatbelt off and opened the car door.  Tommy pulled your door completely open and you thanked him. 

„I’m happy you made it!“ He said as you turned around to open the door for Ellie. 

„I hope you found everything okay?“ Tommy asked. Nodding you helped Ellie out of the car who looked around in wonder. 

„You must be Ellie,“ Tommy said with a smile, getting down on one knee to meet her at eye level. 

„I’m Tommy,“ he introduced himself and held out his hand which Ellie took with a very serious expression, shaking it twice. 

„Is there always this much snow around?“ She asked and you smiled to yourself. 

„This is actually not even bad. I remember one year we had so much snow you couldn’t see the stairs leading up to the house. Might have broken my arm when I tried to jump from the porch into the snow like into a pool,“ he gestured behind him to where six stairs led up to the porch. With big eyes Ellie looked at you. 

„I wanna do that!“ She said excitedly and you rolled your eyes with a sigh. 

„Nope. No more bone breaking for the foreseeable future please,“ you said, walking over to her to put your arm around her shoulders. She let her head fall against your upper arm. Another year and she’d be able to rest her head on your shoulder. 

It was when you looked up that your eyes caught someone else standing on the porch, his eyes trained on you already. 

Tommy followed and turned his head around when he noticed you looking over his shoulder. When Tommy turned his head to look back at you he took a deep breath. 

„And this is my brother Joel. He’s the boss. I promise he’s not as grumpy as he looks,“ he said with a wink to Ellie and she snorted. 

After a moment the man, Joel, made his way down the stairs and towards you. He was taller than Tommy. And broader. He was wearing a brown coat, his hands covered by thick leather gloves. 

His dark hair was hidden beneath a knitted hat, his face, while grumpy, was rather handsome. A salt and pepper beard that looked somewhat trimmed covered his lower face everywhere, all but on a spot on his left cheek. 

But it was his eyes that spoke to you the most. Brown eyes that seemed to say a million things at once as he looked at you. 

His expression was rather grim but as he looked at Ellie standing next to you his eyes softened. At least you thought so as he attempted a smile. 

„I like grumpy people. They usually don’t take any shit just like I do,“ Ellie said proudly and your eyes widened. 

„Language!“ You hissed and she looked at you with a sheepish expression. When you looked back at Joel he had a strange expression before he blinked himself out of it, 

„I’m Joel,“ he gave a single wave and you introduced yourself before doing the same with Ellie. 

„So you are the person my brother can‘t shut up about huh?“ he asked and you hummed. 

„Just trying to help get your business back on track,“ you said and his gaze was fixed on you as if he was trying to figure you out. 

„Just for a place to stay out in the middle of nowhere with two guys you know nothing about,“ he narrowed his eyes and you started to get pissed off. 

„People talk, so I think I know enough about you to be sure that you are not an axe murderer,“ you challenged him, getting worked up, only interrupted by Tommy who cleared his throat. With wide eyes you looked at him and then at Ellie who was looking up at you with a mix of fear and awe.

„Now that that‘s settled I am gonna show you were you will stay while you are with us,“ Tommy said, already walking around your car to get you suitcases out. 

„Little help?“ he called over his shoulder towards his brother, but Joel had already turned his back towards you and was walking towards the barn. 

Joel leaned against the closed barn door after he made it inside and shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He should have been a little nicer, you were here to help, but he wasn’t a man who accepted help easily. He was always the one the one who took care of things, got Tommy out of every jam he’d gotten himself into. He was the one who was supposed to fix things and it killed him that he was failing at this. He opened the barn door a crack, watching Tommy walk you and Ellie to your new place. A crooked smile crossed his lips as he watched you take a suitcase from Tommy as he opened the front door. 

Tommy had failed to mention you were so pretty. Bastard. 

You looked down at Ellie before you sighed. 

„Are you sure he‘s not an axe murderer?“ she asked in a loud whisper, making you and Tommy chuckle. 

„He‘s not. Though when he’s had a beer too many he sure sounds like chain saw at night. He‘s… He‘s gonna come around,“ Tommy said as he grabbed two of your suitcases. Ellie ran over to him and grabbed her box of painting supplies. 

„I hope he will,“ you mumbled as you picked up another suitcase and followed Tommy and Ellie towards the house.

You were running your fingers through Edward Cullen‘s fur, iPad in your lap as you worked on your plan for the next six weeks.

It was day three of your stay at the Miller‘s farm and you had not really talked to Joel since your arrival. You had seen him in passing, the scowl always on his face as he gave you a curt nod before he disappeared. 

You and Ellie had settled into your new little apartment. 

It was big enough for the both of you and had running water. Tommy said that him and Joel had decided that they would set up a new kitchen if things went okay and you decided to stay her permanently. 

Or if Joel hadn‘t made you run away by then. 

Tommy told you that you were more than welcome to use the kitchen of the main house and that was more than okay for you. And definitely for Tommy because while he loved to eat, you loved to cook. 

It had been some time since you had more than just you and Ellie to cook for and you took full advantage of the big farmhouse kitchen that was in the main house.

Ellie had begged you to go out with Tommy in his snow mobile when he had to check on some things on the property after at least fifteen inches of snow had come down last night. You made her promise to listen to everything Tommy said after you checked in with him if it was okay. 

As you watched them leave, playfully fighting each other until they were inside the snow mobile, both laughing loudly, you just knew that these both would be trouble in the future. 

There was something in his eyes as he told you that he missed having someone around who was actually excited to spend time with him and he promised you he would take care of Ellie like she was family.

Joel was out, which was why you had decided to lounge in a cozy armchair in front of the fire place in the main house (of course after making sure it would be okay). Tommy had told you that Joel would most likely be out until the evening and even if he was home earlier it would still be okay. 

You and Ellie had explored around the farm over the last two days and you pretty much fell in love with the place right away. 

It only needed a little help to bring the magic back and you had several ideas on how to accomplish that. Even apart from Christmas you had ideas, but December was fast approaching so these events would have to be planned first. 

You already checked in with Tommy for some logistics such as the snow maze you wanted to set up and he told you it should not be a problem. There was plenty of snow around after all. 

Your plan involved three different events every weekend leading up to Christmas and a big Christmas Ball / Party on Christmas Eve. 

The budget would be tight, but you had already checked out some local vendors you wanted to contact who could be part of the events. Such as the bakery and coffee house for drinks and food.

You were focused on writing down the last couple of ideas when Edward‘s head snapped up and he began to impatiently whine before he ran away from you and towards the door. 

You were about to check if someone was at the door when said door opened and Joel walked in. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts as he leaned down to pat Edwards head, following the dog who immediately trotted back to you to snuggle back against you.

Joel arched his brow, not expecting to find you in the main house. He’d been avoiding you as much as possible, trying to keep your interactions to a minimum, mostly because every moment he spent with you he found himself liking you more. He found himself drawn to the easy way you joked and laughed with Tommy, he was almost a little jealous of how the two of you interacted. He saw how patient and gentle you were with Ellie. Your joy was infectious and he even caught himself smiling when he thought of something you said or the was you would sass him when you thought he was out of line. You made him feel things he thought he’d buried long ago. 

And he hope you hadn’t caught him starring at you yet, because somehow his eyes seemed to follow you whenever you were around. 

You gulped, suddenly a little nervous. 

„Uhm… Tommy said it was okay to stay here cause you were out. The WIFI up here is better. But I can leave if you….“

He interrupted you as he shook his head.

„Stay,“ he said and the surprise was clearly written on your face as he added a whispered „Please.“

You nodded slowly at him and he nodded back before he turned around and began to take off his coat and shoes. 

Meanwhile you got back to your list, counting through the last numbers of what this all would cost and how much it could bring in. You did not know how much in debt the farm was, but Tommy told you they‘d need a small miracle so they wouldn‘t have to sell parts of the land or the whole place.

„Do you want some coffee?“ you heard Joel asked and looked up, finding him standing in the doorway. He seemed to have changed into some sweatpants and a black shirt and his hair seemed to be still wet. 

Your eyes lingered on his broad arms for a moment too long before you furrowed your brows, looking at the time. 

„It‘s almost 4pm. If I drink one now I won‘t be able to sleep,“ you said and he huffed a laugh. 

„Tea?“ he asked again and you found yourself nodding at him. 

„Which one?“ he asked as he walked back towards the kitchen. 

„Surprise me?“ you called after him, a little confused that he seemed to suddenly talk to you. For some reason you found yourself turning on the front camera of your iPad to check you appearance. 

It was a couple minutes later when you heard his footsteps again. He walked into the room two mugs in his hands. 

„I hope you like apple tea. It‘s apparently the only one we got,“ he shrugged as he sat the mug down on the small table in front of you. 

„Thanks,“ you said, somehow nervous.

Joel lingered as if unsure what to do as he took a sip from his mug. 

„Uhm I wanted to apologise how our fist meeting went. I‘m…. Obviously not the best with people,“ he said, one of his hands rubbing over the back of his neck. 

„Oh,“ you said dumbly, blinking up at him. 

You might have missed the short moment the right side of his lips lifted as if he wanted to smile if you had looked away. 

„Yeah,“ he said with a sigh, letting his gaze wander through the room before he was looking at you and then his dog laying with his head in his lap. 

„Edward seems to make up for my shitty behaviour,“ and there it was finally, a small smile from Joel Miller.

„He‘s a good dog,“ you said, stroking him behind his ears. 

„Why Edward Cullen though?“ Tommy had told you about the name but said to ask Joel if you wanted to know more. 

Joel took a deep breath before he sat down on the couch next to you. 

„My daughter named him,“ he said quietly and you nodded slowly, knowing a little about what happened to her. 

„Thought it was funny cause she could made me yell after Edward Cullen in the woods every single time,“ he smiled to himself, his eyes unfocused, probably deep in a memory he was replaying in his mind. 

„She seemed like a funny girl,“ you said softly and he looked up at you. 

„She was,“ he whispered and you somehow got the impression that he did not want to talk any more about her. 

So you took a deep breath. 

„Do you… want to hear about the ideas I have for the farm?“ you asked slowly. 

„You got one?“ 

„I have several and I have answers for all your questions,“ you pursed your lips, challenge in your eyes. 

„Well now I wanna hear em,“ he said as he slipped closer to you so he could see what you had written. 

„How much more fucking snow do we need?“ you heard Joel yell from where he was sitting up in the tractor. 

Much to your surprise he had agreed to almost all of your ideas.

You just had to lower the budget because he had admitted that he did not have enough to cover all the new lights you had suggested. But much to your surprise he had shown you the whole basement of the barn full of boxes of Christmas decoration. 

You were already excited to get through them with Ellie when she got back from school this afternoon. 

But now you were across the barn, Tommy and Joel both in the tractors as they shovelled snow into what would later become the snow maze. You had already contacted a local catering service who had food trucks and they agreed to set up one of their coffee and sweets trucks here free of charge until Christmas. One of their workers would be there every day to take care of what you hoped would be a lot of customers. 

„Enough snow for a maze? Maybe I shouldn‘t have let Ellie plan it,“ you said to yourself, doubt creeping into your mind as you looked down at the plan. 

She didn‘t know that the maze you asked her to paint would be the plan of the actual maze that would get set up behind the barn for the whole of December. You thought it would be a great way to have some income over the whole week. It would be open daily between 4 pm - 7 pm and costs $5 per person. 

Joel had agreed right away, thinking that this idea was the one that cost him almost nothing but some work to build the maze.

„I like her plan. Except for the killer snowman in the middle. Don‘t think we can build one of those,“ Tommy yelled as he shovelled more snow.

„Oh I don‘t know. That was the best part of it,“ you grinned. 

„We just put Joel in the middle of the maze every morning and hide his coffee. Boom, Killer Snowman,“ Tommy teased and you tried to hide your smile as you heard Joel yell „I heard that.“

You left towards lunch time to pick up Ellie from school and go to the local library to print out a bunch of the flyers you had put together. You had already send message around and asked almost all the local vendors it they would hang them up and all of them agreed. You also had received quite a lot of feedback in your search for vendors who would like to join the events every week to get some exposure. 

Everything was coming together much easier than you anticipated. You weren’t used to such small towns where everyone seemed to have everyone’s back.

But the biggest surprise had been Joel.

It had only been four days since you had your talk and he had already offered some additional ideas for the events. He also had started to have a mug of tea ready for you every morning when he knew you arrived back from getting Ellie to school. 

Something that left you with a warm feeling every time you thought about it. And about him too. 

It wasn‘t that he had changed completely. He still had what you would call a resting bitch face throughout the day but there was something flickering behind this… facade he put on. 

Because somehow you imagined that there was a completely different Joel somewhere hiding in this big, very attractive, grump of a man.

Joel was fucked. 

He was so fucked and he did not now how to get out of not being fucked. 

Because the reason he was fucked was living in the apartment he had set up many years ago to rent it out as an Airbnb. You and your daughter were living there and somehow from the first moment he had seen you he knew that spending time with you would get dangerous for the lonely life he had been living since Sarah passed.

Since he hid away all the parts of himself that could still get hurt even after all the shit he went through. 

He thought he could be… content for the rest of his life, living alone on his farm until one day he would just… die alone. Tommy would marry his girlfriend Maria and move away because he wouldn‘t be able to take Joel being the rock that held him back from living his life. 

But ever since you showed up, he found himself asking more often if maybe, just maybe he should try again. Try not to be just content with life, but to try to be happy. 

He could be happy with you, maybe. 

Sure, he would have to get to know you properly which would involve him actually talking more than two sentences to you, but he could do that. Somehow. 

He just wasn’t sure how, because every time he looked at you it was like someone pushed the stop button inside his brain and once he finally found some words, you were gone. 

„She likes raspberry tea the most,“ he was startled as Ellie leaned on the porch next to him, a small grin on her lips. Her face was flushed from playing in the halfway build snow maze with Tommy.

„Huh?“

„My mom. Her favourite tea is raspberry. Or if you rather make coffee buy caramel sweetener. She loves that too,“ Ellie said and he frowned before he looked up again, catching you inside his kitchen, making dinner. 

„Why would I want to know her favourite tea or coffee?“ he asked and saw Ellie roll her eyes. 

„Cause you keep looking at her all the time without talking to her,“ she said. 

„I do?“ he asked, surprised at being caught by a nine year old. 

„Duh. Even Tommy noticed,“ she said, before she turned around to walk inside, stopping at the door to turn back around to him. 

„Just… Don‘t be a dick. Cause I might be a kid but my dad was a dick to her and I don‘t want to ever see her cry because of…. I want her to be happy, okay?“

„Okay,“ Joel frowned. 

„And I like you dude. Even though you look like someone stole Christmas from you most of the time so…. Anyway,“ she mumbled before she opened the door and ran inside. 

He could still hear you scold Ellie for keeping her shoes on when he turned around towards his brother who was walking up the stairs. 

„You heard all of that, huh?“ Joel asked with a sigh. 

„Yep,“ Tommy grinned. 

„Didn’t think I would ever get scolded by a nine year old,“ Joel hummed. 

„Again. You thought you would never get scolded by a nine year old again,“ Tommy said and Joel sighed. 

„You like her?“ Tommy asked and Joel rubbed his hand over his face. 

„Cause she‘s kinda awesome. And Ellie too.“

„Yeah. They’re both pretty damn special,“ Joel agreed.

„So get her her favourite tea and some sweetener and start talking to her. Can‘t make a worse impression than you already did,“ Tommy teased and Joel rolled his eyes. 

But Tommy let go of teasing his older brother. For now. 

„Ready for homemade dinner?“ Tommy asked, already rubbing his hands. 

„I‘ll kill you if you try anything funny,“ Joel warned, hearing Tommy laugh as he walked inside, ignoring Joel completely. 

Weekend 1 - Snow man building contest

The week leading up to the first competition was long and exhausting. But looking around now into the little winter wonderland you all had made, you were proud. Joel and Tommy had gotten some people together the day before to help decorating the rest of the farm and set everything up. 

You all had a blast decorating the whole farm with the endless pieces of decoration that had been stored in the basement. 

Joel had even opened up a little more towards you as you tested the lights the day before, telling you that celebrating Christmas was hard for him because it reminded him of everyone that he lost in the last years. 

The vendors had arrived earlier this morning and were already setting up. 

You had three different food trucks and a bunch of vendors selling self-made crafts and art. 

With the snow maze opening four days ago word had gotten around even quicker that Miller‘s farm had a lot happening in the next weeks and people were curious. 

You hoped a lot of people would show up tonight to join the competition and of course, to buy Christmas trees. 

„You look nervous,“ Tommy said as he came to stand next to you on the porch. 

„Me? Nooo. I‘m totally fine and not nervous about all of this being for nothing when no one shows up and your brother ends up hating me even more,“ you gave a humourless laugh.

„He still not talking to you?“ Tommy asked and you sighed. 

„He‘s not not talking to me. It‘s just…. It feels like he‘s forcing himself to talk to me for some reason. But then he‘s making me a drink every morning and somehow he even figured out my favourites. He‘s so…. Frustrating,“ you sighed and Tommy chuckled. 

„Seems to me like the two of you need to spend more time together.“

„Why? He‘s technically my boss.“

„Have you ever signed a contract?“ Tommy asked with a small grin and your eyes widened. 

„Oh my god I didn‘t. What is wrong with me?“ you asked yourself while Tommy chuckled. 

„I won‘t answer that question. But I do have an idea on how to get Joel to talk to you,“ he grinned and the way he grinned let you narrow your eyes. 

„And what genius Idea is that?“ you asked.

„How do you feel about building a snow man?“

„Thank you all for coming out tonight! We are about to start the contest part of this day so you can all back to enjoying the mulled wine Martia sells over there," Tommy grinned, nose already a little read from the second mulled wine he had, megaphone in hand as he took over hosting the competition. 

You were kind of overwhelmed with how many people had shown up. And not only for the contest you were hosting, but according to Joel they had sold as many Christmas trees today as in the whole last season combined. 

„We have eight teams, and I wanna see eight snow men. The winner gets the right to brag about it and a gift card from the best restaurant in town!“ Tommy continued to explain. Looking up at Joel who was standing next to you, you felt nervous. Not because you had been surprised by participating in the contest yourself, but because it was Joel who you had been partnered with. 

Your first choice of course had been Ellie, but she had begged you to let her and her new friends play in the snow maze. And you couldn’t just say no to her big brown eyes.

Joel seemed reluctant at first to participate at all, but after a little talk with Tommy he agreed. You wondered if he would have still agreed if he knew that Tommy bet 10$ with you to build a grumpy snowman that could be mistaken for his brother. 

„Ready to build the worlds best snowman?“ He asked you as Tommy yelled down a countdown. 

„You bet your ass, Miller,“ you winked, hearing him chuckle. 

So you might have underestimated the competitiveness of Joel Miller. 

As soon as Tommy yelled start he was on his knees, his big, glove covered hands gathering snow to start on the base for the snowman. 

„So I have a confession to make," you said, putting more snow on the middle part of the snowman while Joel already worked on forming a head. 

„Huh?“ Joel asked, tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. 

„I have never build a snowman ever before,“ you said, patting the snow on. 

Joel’s eyes moved to look at you and he gave you a small smile that showed his dimple. 

„Would it be rude to say, I thought so?“ He said and your mouth dropped open in mock shock. 

„Kind of, but then again, rude is your reputation,“ you chuckled.

He hummed, still working on the snowman. You caught Tommy’s eyes on you as you let your gaze wander around. 

„Guess I have to work on being nicer,“ Joel said and you looked at him. 

„To everyone?“ You asked and he stopped working to look at you, before he shook his head. 

„Nah. I worked hard on my reputation. But I’d like to be nicer to the people I am living with. Like Tommy and Ellie…. And you,“ he said and you found yourself grinning up at him. 

„Yeah?“ you asked and he nodded. 

„And because I’m gonna start right now, I am going to nicely tell you to stop ruining this snowman and let me do the work,“ he said and you found yourself huffing a laugh.

With crossed arms you were standing in front of the Snowman Joel build and you decorated. Ellie was standing next to you and Joel as you watched the judges check out your snowman. 

„So… whose Idea was to build a Joel snowman?“ Ellie asked and you sucked both your lips between your teeth to keep yourself from laughing as Joel looked at Ellie.

"What do you mean?“ He asked, confused. 

„Flannel, crooked carrot nose, even the mouth looks like it's frowning. That's one hundred percent a Joel snowman,“ she said and you could feel Joel's eyes on your while you tried to appear busy looking at the Christmas lights you had put up yesterday.

When you couldn't take it anymore you finally looked up at Joel whose eyes were narrowed on you. 

Just when he was about to say something Tommy stepped back with his megaphone, telling everyone that we had a winner. 

And when he announced that Joel, the snowman was the winner of this competition you found yourself in the arms of Joel Miller for the first time, in a hug that not only you would remember for a long time.

Weekend 2 - Scavenger hunt 

The snow maze and snow man building competition was a huge hit, even more than you had anticipated. You expected it might take people a bit to start coming out to the farm, but they showed up in droves; families, groups of teenagers, and even the mayor came out! 

With the snowman building competition out of the way, you focused your attention on the next event: a scavenger hunt. Everything was was ready to go, all you needed was to go into town and pick up the worksheets for the hunt. You carefully selected places around the farm that the hunters would take pictures, answer riddles or pick up a token and the winner received 25 percent of a tree and some handmade ornaments of their choosing from one of the vendors. Joel had initially fought the tree discount but you and Tommy wore him down and he eventually gave in. 

“Ellie, I have to get to the printers. Hurry up!”

Ellie was running around with Edward. The two of them had really bonded and it was nice to see Ellie laughing and playing like a kid again and you suspected Edward loved having a kid to play with again too. You watched as she ran with a stick in her hand, Edward chasing after her barking and jumping.

“Do I gotta?” Ellie whined. “Edward and I just started playing.”

They’d been playing for the last thirty minutes but you weren’t about to argue that point with a nine year old. Before you could open your mouth to repeat yourself, Tommy walked up. 

“Let her stay here and play with the dog. I’ll keep my eye on her.”

Joel came stalking out of the barn, wiping his hands with a handkerchief. He made his way over to you and Tommy as he tucked the fabric into his back pocket. 

“The spark plugs are bad on the goddamn tractor.” he grumbled. “Gotta head into town.”

Tommy’s brows arched to the sky as the corners of his lips curled into a shit eating grin. 

“Well, ain’t that funny?” His eyes dart to you. 

“You gotta go into town too, don’t ya? Y’all should ride together. Save gas.”

You shoot daggers at Tommy. Ever since the two of you built that snowman, he’s tried to push you and Joel together. Tommy’s efforts had only led to awkward moments between you and Joel, neither one of you sure how to navigate whatever was happening between you. 

If looks could kill, Tommy would be dead. Joel resisted the urge to reach out and wring Tommy’s neck. His little brother never knew when to quit, he was like a dog with a bone when he was up to something. Joel’s breath lingered like a cloud in the chilly air. You made him nervous, like a teenage boy with his first crush. This was his chance to get you alone without Tommy or Ellie butting in, the one thing he longed for and dreaded at the same time. He needed to get his head out of his ass and just talk to you, it shouldn’t be that hard. 

You turn your attention to Joel. The worry lines on his brow run deep, it’s almost like he’s fighting with himself. His right hand clenches into a fist and then relaxes.

“You don’t have-“ 

You’re trying to give Joel an out. The tension is rolling of him and the last thing you want is an uncomfortable trip into town. 

“It’s fine.” Joel interrupted. The corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile. “The print shop is on the way to the hardware store. No sense in both of us driving into town.”

That was a surprise. You half expected him to come up with a reason that you couldn’t ride together. 

Your eyes dart to Tommy. He’s grinning like the cat who caught the canary and you want to smack him and hug him at the same time. You bet Joel feels the same way about his brother too. 

“You sure about keeping an eye on Ellie?”

“I’m sure.” he answered with a wink. 

“Thanks.”

Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to get Joel to really talk to you, to understand him better. 

“If she gets bored, I’ll put her to work.” Tommy teased. 

Ellie playfully sticks her tongue out at Tommy but he just laughs. 

“Ellie!” you scold. 

You sigh. You’re really not that upset with her but sometimes she needs to remember that she’s just a kid. 

“Just be good for Tommy, okay?”

“We’ll be fine, mom.” Ellie huffed.

She grabs Tommy’s hand, pulling him away from you and Joel. 

“Come on, I wanna show you the new trick I taught Edward.”

Joel opens the passenger door for you and gently holds your elbow as you host yourself up, his mama taught him to be a gentleman. He feels you tense up for a brief moment but he stays silent. The last thing he wants to do is make this any more awkward than it already was. He climbs into the cab and looks over at you to make sure you buckled your seatbelt, something he would always do every time Sarah got in the truck with him. The truck roars to life and he puts it in gear. 

You glance out the window as you move down the driveway. Ellie is laughing as Edward leaps into the air and catches the ball midair. You bite your bottom lip and lightly tap your fingers against your thigh. It’s not that you don’t trust Tommy but ever since Ellie’s accident you’ve had a hard time leaving her with anyone. 

For several minutes, the silence hangs between you. Joel drums his fingers on the steering wheel, occasionally glancing over at you. He can see how tense you are. He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand and clears his throat. 

“She’ll be fine.” He drawled. “Tommy’ll take good care of her.”

He pauses for a few beats before continuing.

“He was always the best uncle to Sarah.” 

He speaks so softly that you barely heard him. Was this really happening? Was Joel finally opening up to you? You turn your head to look at him and swallow hard. Part of you was screaming at you to let it go, let Joel open up at his own pace but the more impulsive side of you won out. 

“Did they…spend a lot of time together?” you asked quietly. 

Joel is quiet for a few moments. The muscles of his jaw twitch as he remembers. He hasn’t talked about Sarah to anyone but Tommy in a very long time. Even with Tommy, it was hard to talk about her most of the time. Talking about Sarah meant that he had to acknowledge that she was gone and he couldn’t save her.

“Yeah, all we had was each other.” he answered softly. “Sarah’s mom and I split when Sarah was just a baby and Tommy really stepped up even though he was still a kid himself. He’d play dolls with her and he’d come over for tea parties…”

His voice cracked as he trailed off and your heart broke for him. Almost losing Ellie nearly broke you, you couldn’t imagine what losing her would have done to you.You lift your hand to cover his on the center console and then pull it back. You’re not sure if touching him would just make it worse and you let your hand drop back into your lap.

When he doesn’t say anything more, you sigh. It’s time to change the subject, getting him talking about something, anything less painful. Sarah was a subject the two of you could discuss later. You rack your brain to come up with a safe topic, but you’ve got nothing and the silence grows. 

Joel cards his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t meant to get into such a deep conversation with you and get emotional. He can’t even guess what you must be thinking right now. He could see you struggling out of the corner of his eye and he knew he had to keep this whole thing derailing before it even started. He reaches over and turns on the radio. A country tune flows quietly through the speakers. 

Even though the music isn’t loud, you immediately recognise the tune as one of your favourites. Without a second thought, you reach over and turn up the volume a bit and quietly sing along. You catch Joel softly drumming on the steering wheel along with the song and you smile. Music. That’s a safe topic. 

When the song ends, you lower the volume on the radio. You’re feeling confident that you can get Joel talking again. 

“You like that song, too?” 

Joel turns his head toward you for a brief moment, a shy crooked smile on his lips. 

“It’s one of my favourites.”

Back at the farm, Tommy watches over Ellie as she plays with Edward. 

“Hey, kid!”

Ellie jogs over to Tommy with Edward loping behind. She stops in front of him, panting softly, her cheeks rosy from the cold. 

“What’s up?”

“I gotta plan to get your mom and Joel together but I’m gonna need your help. You in?” he asked. 

Ellie’s eyes light up. She just wants her mom to be happy. 

“I’m in.”

You make your stops at the hardware store and the print shop and head back toward the farm. You even talk Joel into picking up dinner from the diner on the way home. The two of you are talking, really talking, without any of the awkwardness that marred most of your previous conversations. Joel loves music just as much as you do and the two of you discuss your favourite songs and artists. 

The drive back to the farm flies by and before you knew it, Joel was pulling in the driveway. And that’s when he dropped the bomb on you that he played guitar. Your jaw dropped as he uttered those words. You couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to sit with Joel by the fireplace as he played for you. 

“Maybe you could play for me sometime?” 

“Maybe.”

The first few contestants begin to filter in and you take a deep breath. The snowman building competition was a huge success, why wouldn’t this be? You hope you haven’t  make any of the clues too difficult; the idea was for this to be fun and get people exploring the farm. Once everyone had their sheets, you sent them out onto the farm with a time limit of 90 minutes. You had a great turn out, your sign up sheet had filled up within a week. The steady stream of people coming in to buy trees snapped you from your worry about the scavenger hunt. A couple with the cutest little girl came in, asking about a tree. The little girl reminded you of Ellie at that age, so curious and wide eyed. 

Joel watched as you helped the couple. You just had a way with people. Your smile was effortless; he was sure you could charm the pants off Ebenezer Scrooge himself. Hell, you managed to soften him up. The way you interacted with that little girl took his breath away; you were so gentle and patient. You laughed at something the little girl said and his heart fluttered in his chest. That was a sound he could get used to hearing. 

“Earth to Joel.”

Ellie stood in front of Joel, waving her little hands. 

He shook his head and looked down at Ellie. His cheeks flushed at being caught staring at you. 

“What…what do ya need, kiddo?” he asked 

Ellie smirked at him. 

“Tommy needs your help with a tree.”

“Sure.” 

Joel glanced your way one last time before walking toward the truck.

You checked your watch for the tenth time in the last few minutes, you expected the participants back any minute now. Two younger men came barreling toward you at a dead run. As they got closer you recognised them, they had arrived together with their wives and playfully trash-talked to each other while they waited for the scavenger hunt to start. You giggled as they bumped into each other and slid on the snow. 

The blond one got to you a hair before his buddy; it looked as though you had a winner. You collected his tokens and checked the photos as the rest if the participants trickled in. 

“On behalf of the Miller brothers, I want to thank everyone for coming out today. Your support is greatly appreciated and we all look forward to seeing you next weekend for the tree cutting competition. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it.” 

You announce the winner to the crowd and steer the winning couple toward Tommy and Joel. 

“Don’t forget, we’re having a Christmas Eve barn dance and we’d love to see you all there.”

You wave to the winning couple as they pull away with their new Christmas Tree tied to their roof. Tommy waves too but Joel stands there with his hands shoved in his pockets and you not so gently elbow him in the ribs. You hear the air rush from his lungs and stifle a giggle but he raises an arm and waves. 

Joel rubs his side as the car rolls out of sight. He should have known that you would call him out but he can’t bring himself to be mad about it. He likes that you aren’t afraid to stand up to him, it makes things interesting. 

“I can’t believe I discounted a tree that much.” he grumbled as the three of you walk toward the main house. 

“Oh, quit complaining.” you told him, playfully rolling your eyes. “I’m making your favourite for dinner to make it up to you.”

All throughout dinner you notice Ellie glancing at Tommy. She has that look in her eye that tells you she’s up to something, but you don’t have a clue as to what it could be. Tommy, for the most part, is his normal self and you just brush it off as Christmas excitement. 

You push yourself away from the table and begin clearing the dishes. Joel immediately gets up and starts grabbing plates. 

“Let me help you with those.” he offered. 

You smile and nod before turning toward the kitchen. Tommy and Ellie’s eyes go wide each time you or Joel pass through the door way. After the third time, you stop in the doorway and glare at them. Joel stopped in the doorway when he saw the look on your face. 

“What’s up with the two of you tonight?” You asked. 

Tommy does his best to look confused and innocent. You glance over at Ellie as she tries to stifle her giggles. 

“What do ya mean?” Tommy answered.

You sigh and put your hand on your hip. You know something is going on and you’re not going to let it go until you get an answer. 

“What do I mean?” you ask. “I mean this.”

You gesture between the two of them. 

“The two of you are up to something….out with it.”

The tone of your voice leaves no room for argument. You’re using your ‘mom’ voice now. Ellie knows from experience that you’re not messing around and she looks down at the table. 

Tommy, on the other hand, is not so easily cowed. He stares at you for a moment, the corner of his lips curling into a smile. 

“Look up.” Tommy said. 

You and Joel raise your eyes and see mistletoe hanging from the header. It’s feels like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. Your cheeks burn as your eyes meet Joel’s and he chuckles nervously. 

“Now you have to kiss!” Ellie squeals before dissolving in a fit of laughter. 

You take a breath and smile at Joel. It’s just a kiss, right? People do it all the time. It doesn’t have to mean anything, except for the fact that you want it to mean something. 

You tilt your chin and and brush your lips across Joel’s bearded cheek. There, you did it. You kissed Joel and now everyone can go on with their lives. 

“Happy?”

You level your gaze at Tommy. This was his idea, you’re sure of it. 

Tommy smirks at you, enjoying your discomfort. He’s probably going to get an ear full later, but it’ll be worth it. 

“Doesn’t count.” he tells you. 

“Doesn’t count?” you shoot back, your voice slightly rising in pitch. 

“It doesn’t count.” he repeats. “It has to be on the lips or it doesn’t count.”

Your jaw dropped. You could kill Tommy right now. It would be embarrassing enough to kiss for your first kiss with Joel to be in front of his brother but your daughter is here too. You imagined your first kiss would be different…and in private. 

“Yeah.” Ellie piped in. “It’s like the law or something.”

Joel watches the whole exchange barely suppressing a smile. He should be pissed that Tommy set the two of you up like this, but he’s not. He’s been looking for an excuse to kiss you since he met you and his brother just gave him one. He wraps one arm around your waist and slowly pulls you closer. 

“They want a show, darlin’.” he rasped. “Let’s give ‘em one.” 

His soft lips met yours and the rest of the world melted away. You raised up on your toes as your left had gripped his flannel shirt. His lips parted to suck in your lower lip, his beard lightly scraping your chin. He held the kiss for a few moments and the pulled away, leaving you both a little breathless. 

“Oooooooh!” Ellie exclaimed. 

The heels of your shoes hit the floor with a soft thud and you let go of his shirt. Did that really just happen? It wasn’t much of a kiss, as far as kisses go. It was like a kiss you’d see at a wedding ceremony, tame and a bit chaste but it would be seared in your minds for a long time after tonight. 

It was only later, once you and Ellie made your way back towards your apartment that you noticed the many mistletoes that definitely hadn't been there earlier today hanging everywhere throughout the house and porch and you found yourself smiling at Tommy’s and Ellie's meddling. 

Weekend 3 - Tree cut competition

For some reason, you kept spacing out throughout the days leading up to you final competition. Of course you’d say it's because of all the planing you have to do for the final dance and fundraiser.

But you know it's because of Joel. 

Joel and how his hands held you. Joel and his soft brown eyes as he looked down at you under the mistletoe.

Joel and his lips as he kissed you. 

It was just one kiss. One kiss the two of you hadn’t talked about since it happened, but you found yourself wishing more and more that there would be more.

More kisses. 

More touching.

More…..

"Daydreaming again?“ you jumped when you heard Tommy's voice next to you. You were standing at the kitchen window, looking out over the fields that were covered by yet another fresh layer of snow. 

"Huh?" you asked, looking at the grinning younger Miller brother. 

„Nothing. Nothing. I have a favour to ask,“ he said and you crossed your arms in front of your chest, raising one eyebrow.

„Need more help from my daughter to hang up more mistletoes?“ You asked, seemingly annoyed, but not really. 

„Nope. Our decoration work is done for now. Actually I wanted to ask if you could bring Joel his lunch on your way to pick up Ellie from school. He’s working on the far end of the farm today and I have customers all morning. He’s cutting down more trees for this weekend," he said and you hummed. 

„You want me to bring Joel lunch?“ You asked again, and he nodded. 

„Okay," you shrugged, before turning away from him. Clearly he anticipated some kind of argument, finding him looking at you with his lips parted in surprise when you looked back at him. 

"What?" you asked, seemingly unbothered.

„Uh.... Nothing. I’ll…. I’ll get to the front then,“ he mumbled. 

„Right. Because there are customers," you nodded and he nodded back, turning around to walk out. 

„Jep. Lots of customers,“ he said, disappearing out of the kitchen as you smiled to yourself, before you went over to the fridge to prepare a sandwich for Joel. 

You were thankful that thanks to almost getting lost in the woods on the farm at the beginning of your stay here, Tommy and Joel had insisted you’d share your location with them when you were on the farm and vice versa. 

It was how you were able to find out exactly were Joel was working today. Driving the old truck carefully through the snow you followed your phone, Joel’s location getting closer and closer until you could see his truck parked next to a big tree. 

Parking your car you grabbed the sandwich and the thermos of hot coffee you had prepared for him when you stepped out of the car. He could’t be too far away now. 

Following the trail his boots must have made when he arrived you walked in between fully grown Christmas trees, some already cut down and packed ready to transport them back closer towards the farm when you spotted him. 

He had taken his warm coat off, only wearing his green flannel, sleeves rolled back over his elbows as he swung the axe to cut down a tree. 

For a moment time seemed to stop as you watched this… manly man use all his strength to cut down a tree. Suddenly feeling hot as you watched a line of sweat roll down his temple you didn’t watch were you're going, your feet missing something lying on the ground, eyes widening and a yelp that had Joel looking up at you escaping your lips as you tripped, already seeing yourself landing face first in the snow when you felt an arm wrap around your middle, seemingly catching you just seconds before you could fall. 

Joel held you up, arm wrapped around your stomach, your back against his chest. 

„You okay?“ he asked, out of breath.

Taking a shakily breath you nodded, eyes closing as you melted against him for just a second before you turned around, his arms giving you space to do so. 

„Quite the reflexes you got there, Miller,“ you said with a small smile. You thought you saw his cheeks reddening just the tiniest bit before he chuckled. For a moment the two of you just looked at each other before you cleared your throat. 

„I brought you lunch. Tommy asked me to,“ you said.

„Oh. That’s.... That's very nice of you,“ he smiled a little. 

„It’s nothing. You need your strength after doing all of... that,“ you gestured around before you have him the sandwich you had packed and the thermos with coffee you had prepared. Thankfully nothing had spilled or been ruined by your almost fall. 

„Thank you darlin’“ he said and you felt the butterflies everywhere hearing him call you that. 

One moment you caught him glancing at your lips, the next moment he had you pressed against the side of his truck, lunch forgotten on the passengers seat as he kissed you. 

Lips moving against yours as his body towered above you, caging you in. 

You gasped as you felt his hand on the back of your neck, tilting your head up to get even closer as he used your lips parting against his to deepen the kiss. 

You didn’t know if it was seconds, minutes or hours that he kissed you, before he parted from you, resting his forehead against yours. 

„I gotta pick up Ellie,“ you whispered and he nodded. 

„Can I come see you later?“ he asked and now it was you who nodded. 

Instead of answering you he kissed you again. And you might or might have not needed a couple of minutes after in your truck to calm yourself down, before you finally made your way towards town to pick up Ellie. 

And Joel?

Joel enjoyed the sandwich you made for him that was way better than the lunch he brought for himself. A lunch he had prepared while his brother had been with him in the kitchen. 

"Can't believe you talked me into this," Joel grumbled, pulling at the fake beard that was covering half of his face. 

„Me? Talking you into doing something? Nuh-uh. Don't have that much power,“ you grinned, your palms carefully rubbing over the soft fabric of the red velvety dress that you had ordered last minute on amazon. 

Joel mumbled something under his breath that suspiciously sounded like "If you only knew.“

The farm was full with people, Tommy had even found some volunteers to help with the trees, the tree cut competition in full swing, and all that was missing were Joel and you, dressed up as Santa and Mrs. Claus. 

Something you still couldn't believe Joel agreed to. 

The idea to have Santa around for the kids had been on your idea list from the very beginning, but you couldn’t find anyone willing to take the role. 

You would have never thought of asking Joel, but Tommy? Tommy was absolutely loving the idea.

And maybe it was when you and Tommy brought up how much it would cost to hire someone as Santa for a couple of hours and Tommy telling him to come on, do it for Ellie. How exactly you got roped into this, you still weren't sure. 

But who were you to say no to those big brown Miller eyes, telling you he'd be in if you were his Mrs. Claus?

You felt Joel's hand on your hip as he turned you around and towards him. With a smile you looked up at him. 

„When all of his is done, all the competitions and dances and shit… I wanna take you out. Get to know you more. Learn more about you," he said and your smile widened. 

"Like on a date?" you asked. 

„Yeah. Like on a date. Would you like that?“ he asked. 

You got on your tiptoes, carefully pulling at the white beard that covered his face to reveal his lips to you before you softly kissed his lips, eyes fluttering closed. 

„I would love that,“ you whispered, before you pulled his fake beard back into place, patting his chest. He gave you a wide smile before he carefully fixed your wig.

„Ready?“ You asked and he nodded before he took your hand. 

„Ready."

Your cheeks were hurting from how much you had been smiling all day. Turned out putting Joel into a red Santa suit was all it took to put him in such a good mood, even Tommy was stunned. 

Okay, maybe you had something to to with his mood too, but no one had to know that yet. 

It was towards the end of the day, the crowds thinning out that you saw Ellie walk towards Santa with Tommy. You excused yourself, not wanting her to notice it was you, hiding behind a big decorated tree. 

Even though Ellie was about to be ten years old, she still believed in Santa. And you wanted her to do so for as long as possible. 

„Ellie! I wondered if you would come to see me!“ Joel said in his Santa voice and you smiled softly. He had been doing a great job all day. 

„You know me?" she asked and you couldn't see them but you caught Tommy's eyes as he looked at you with a small smile.

„Of course I do! You're at the top of the list for the kids that use curse words too much!“ he said and you fought against the laugh that was trying to escape you. You could only imagine the horrified face of your daughter when you heard:

„But let me tell you a secret. Even I curse from time to time,“ Joel as Santa said and you wished you could see them.

„You do?“ Ellie asked. 

„Fuck yeah I do," Joel said and they both laughed. 

„So Ellie, what do you wish for Christmas this year?“ he asked and you wanted for what her answer would be. 

„I want my mom to be happy," she said and you stopped breathing.

"Don't you think she’s happy?" Joel asked. 

„I think so. But with everything that happened with my dad and the accident… I want her to be even happier? You know with kissing and stuff? Even though I don't understand how grown ups like that,“ She asked and you found yourself chuckling quietly. 

Joel as Santa chuckled too.

"I'll see what I can do, Ellie,“ he said.

„Oh and I would really love a new set of watercolours. The big ones with all the colours," she said and you were glad you already got these for her. 

It was almost 10 pm, Ellie long in bed and you and Joel thankfully out of the costumes when the last people left. Tommy had also left the house to stay with his girlfriend Maria, leaving you and Joel sitting in front of the fire place, both with a drink in hand. 

You had taken to spending the evenings in the main house either with Tommy or Joel or the both of them. 

„Never said thank you," Joel said all of the sudden and you looked at him. 

„Huh?"

„For your help here at the farm and… for dealing with my grumpy ass all the time,“ he continued. 

„It’s a nice ass to deal with," you teased and he raised one eyebrow. 

"That so?“ he hummed and you nodded. 

„Especially in those dark work jeans you keep wearing,“ you winked and he licked his lips, his eyes roaming all over your body before he looked into your eyes again. 

"I'll keep that in mind, darlin’“

[landoslvr]

MRS CLARKEY | g. clarke

summary: a scroll through your internet presence as 'mrs clarkey'. [social media AU.]

pairing: fem!reader x george clarke

faceclaim: steph hui

notes: first piece for mrs george out of the wag universe. steph is gonna be the main fc I use for mrs clarkey, hopefully you like it! this is the longest one I've done so far.. definitely want to do a fic for their first meeting and for the useless hotline podcast- maybe even the ski trip!

liked by user, user and 37,923 others

yourinstagram happy halloween 💋💋

view all 281 comments

user you're literally so hot y/n

user I want to be you so bad

user how can I look like that

user jeez u flexible or something baby?

user the dress? the hair? the makeup??? unreal

yourinstagram thank you!! I did it myself xxx

user shes godly

user have fun tonight!!

user she's the only girl I know to have an impromptu photoshoot and then go out drinking

yourinstagram gotta take the outfit for a spin!!!

liked by chrismd10, arthurtv and 58,283 others

georgeclarkeey you should've seen the other guy!

view all 198 comments

user george wth

user its the vomit on the cheerleading outfit for me

chrismd10 looking good mate

wroetoshaw nice eyebrow....... eyebrow singular

georgeclarkeey yes I got that thank you

user AS IF Y/N FOUND HIM ON HER NIGHT OUT

user I KNOW!! I came from her tweets after everyone tagging this guy

chrismd10 you getting referred to as 'this guy' on your own post is so funny to me

georgeclarkeey well, you're huge aren't you?

imallexx loving the new look mate

user waiting for y/n to join the comments 🫣

user me too 😶😶

yourinstagram its great to know what you look like with both of your eyebrows george! a pleasure to have met you, despite the circumstances...

georgeclarkeey my left eyebrow was too intimidated by seeing betty boop in the flesh it ran away!

user my heart 😭

liked by georgeclarkeey, max_balegde and 37,192 others

yourinstagram went on the useless hotline podcast this week to talk about me saving the george clarke! thank you very much for having me boys 🤍

view all 302 comments

user she's just so pretty

user as if model queen y/n saved youtuber george clarke 😭 not over that at all

georgeclarkeey always a pleasure, you're welcome back anytime you feel like scraping me off of the pavement

yourinstagram anytime you need me, I'll be there to call the ambulance

user LOVE that coat

georgeclarkeey also feeling something.. or someone.. is missing from this post?

yourinstagram idk what you want from me here clarke

max_balegde ahhhhhh!!!!!! such a pleasure to meet the woman that singlehandedly saved my co-host from death <3 thanks so much for coming on, martini besties for life now

yourinstagram call me anytime you need multiple olives!!!

max_balegde three olives, extra dry!!

user stop I hope they all stay friends 😭

liked by georgeclarkeey, chrismd10 and 39,219 others

yourinstagram casual 'saved your life/face' dinner post

view all 331 comments

user nahhhhhhhhh because this is a date

user y/n looks so good 😭😭

user lets not ignore George Clarke wearing something other than a t-shirt

chrismd10 impressed you managed to get him in slacks!

georgeclarkeey your mum brought them for me

user THAT DRESS

user I just wanna be you y/n

user George has major cake its not funny

max_balegde literally should be criminal

georgeclarkeey you saved my life I am eternally grateful

yourinstagram 👽👽👽

liked by georgeclarkeey, chrismd10 and 40,938 others

yourinstagram visiting the mountain tops with some new friends x

view all 370 comments

user bitch we know that's george clarkey, fess up

max_balegde the love of my life really tbh, you look sooooo good

yourinstagram max I'll cry

user drop the link for the jackets!!

user that is george clarke's watch missy

user so you just so happen to be on a ski trip at the same time at george and his friends?????????? coincidence? I think NOT

user I know george is using ever fibre of his being not to comment on this right now

liked by yourinstagrm, miniminter and 59,902 others

georgeclarkeey there's 'snow' way it's this cold in the mountains

view all 286 comments

user Y/N TAKE OF THE SKI MASK COWARD

user we literally know it's her

chrismd10 handsome fellas

user literally just tell us you're dating guys

wroetoshaw high altitude my friend

user love these pics of the boys together

arthurtv distinguished skiers and snowboarders

charliehutchens really good ones too

user do you think y/n had to throw her phone out of her hotel room to stop herself from commenting?

user yes, yes I do

liked by georgeclarkeey, wroetoshaw and 37,981 others

yourinstagram out and about ✈️🗺️

view all 320 comments

user should we tell y/n that she posted a picture of George in the 4th slide and then proceeded to cut his head out of the 6th one????

user let her live in peace I guess

user wow no one is immune to stupidity these days 😭

user can't believe they took her so young

georgeclarkeey you're not getting that poster back

yourinstagram if you dont return my harry styles poster I will sue

georgeclarkeey I live with a lawyer, so good luck with that darling

user DARLING???? LITERALLY JUST PUNCH ME IN THE FACE NEXT TIME GEORGE

liked by yourinstagram, stephentries and 61,192 others

georgeclarkeey chris informed us that you all know we're dating so no more discreet photo dumps I guess?

view all 401 comments

user WAR IS OVERRRRRR

user quick everyone act like we didn't see this shit coming

user the way he tried to do her dirty in the last 3 pics but he literally can't

user she's just so pretty

user I wanna be her

max_balegde mrs clarkey!!!!!!

yourinstagram !!!!!

chrismd10 you're so welcome mate

user she's so gorgeous

user kills me

user george x y/n girlies won today

yourinstagram 🤍🤍🤍 love you big stupid idiot 🤍🤍🤍 once I posted the invisalign it was over..

georgeclarkeey guys gotta eat

liked by georgeclarkeey, arthurfhill and 43,938 others

yourinstagram casual 'I can finally post my boyfriend' post!!!!

view all 493 comments

user guys I love today

user this makes me so happy

chrismd10 the power of drunken lime bike rides!

yourinstagram thank you lime bikes

user the alien picture kills me

max_balegde can't wait to have you back on the pod as mrs clarkey

yourinstagram a promotion, for me???

user george is so cute, I envy y/n!

arthurtv it's about time tbh

user I've been waiting for this one

georgeclarkeey was worth losing half of an eyebrow I guess

yourinstagram maybe the eyebrows were the friends we made along the way?

[littlebeluu]

Hi! Hope you're day is going well :)

If it's okay I'd like to request smth for marc, if not just ignore this haha. I actually have a few ideas but just pick the one you like the most :)

1. It's kinda similar to the one you already wrote I guess but reader being insecure cos shes not as conventionally attractive as other wags, like she's not ugly but she's not a model either yk? Maybe also like people online hating on her body and/or weight and she doesn't wanna make a big deal out of it but marc notices and like reassures her and stuff (also in my head, reader is like a really private person who doesnt like a lot of attention, has her social media accounts on private and doesn't post anything except a handful of stories every now and then but that's obvi just me, doesn't have to be like that)

2. Marc reaching reader catalan (in my mind reader can already speak Spanish but that's not a must obvi)

3. Marc teaching reader football and she's just really bad at it haha idk I think it could be cute

4. Height difference (I'm 5'3 haha so this is really a self insert) like maybe reader wearing his clothes for the first time and they're so adorably oversized on her or like just anything about height difference really :)

You can obviously change stuff about the requests if there's anything you don't feel comfortable with or don't like, I don't mind. Sorry if it's too much stuff at once btw, I'm not really good at writing this kinda stuff.

Thanks so much in advance already, I hope you have an amazing day (or night, depending when you're reading this haha)

I'll do other ones too 🫶🏻

I might have some trouble to do the second one cause I also don't speak catalán but I'll try anyway.

"Insecure"

marc guiu x female reader

warnings: none

The car engine hummed softly as Marc and I settled into our seats after training. Our eyes met in the rearview mirror, and I felt a flutter in my chest. Despite the hours apart, his presence still had that effect on me.

"Hey," Marc greeted, his voice warm but tinged with concern.

"Hey," I responded, trying to muster enthusiasm.

Marc's brow furrowed as he studied my reflection. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, forcing a smile. "Yes."

His eyes narrowed, unconvinced. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I repeated, my voice barely above a whisper.

Marc sighed, reaching for the radio. As music filled the car, we drove in silence, the tension palpable. Every few minutes, I caught him glancing at me, worry etched on his face.

"I'm fine," I assured him, though the words felt hollow.

"You're lying," he said softly, his voice a mixture of hurt and frustration.

I hesitated, torn between protecting him from my insecurities and the need to be honest. "It's just..."

"Tell me," he encouraged, his tone gentler now.

"Why do you think I'm upset?" I deflected, buying time.

Marc's eyes softened as he looked at me. "I don't know, but I've noticed you haven't really smiled today. Not your genuine smile, anyway."

"Of course I did," I protested weakly.

"No," he shook his head. "I know you better than anyone else. I can tell when you're feeling down, even if you don't say anything."

His words hung in the air as I struggled to find my voice.

"What's wrong, babe?" Marc pressed, his concern evident. "You're going to tell me, or..." He trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.

I took a deep breath, feeling tears prick at my eyes. "I'm sorry. It's nothing important."

"It must be something if your smile hasn't been genuine in the past 24 hours."

"Yeah, well..."

"Just say whatever it is," he urged, his voice a mixture of frustration and worry.

"Honestly? People have been saying horrible things about me lately," I admitted, my voice cracking.

Marc's expression darkened. "What? Who?"

"It's okay," I tried to reassure him, wiping away a stray tear. "Really. Just forget about it."

"No," Marc insisted, pulling the car over to the side of the road. He turned to face me fully. "What happened?"

I hesitated, feeling foolish. "It's stupid."

"Just tell me," he pleaded, taking my hand in his.

"Your teammates' girlfriends posted photos with me yesterday," I began, my voice barely audible.

"And?"

"Everyone's saying horrible stuff. Like... like I'm the ugliest and fattest girlfriend."

Marc's face contorted with anger and disbelief. "What? Who's saying this?"

"People online," I mumbled, ashamed of how much it affected me.

"So nobody real?" he asked, his tone softening.

"Well, they could actually exist somewhere," I argued weakly.

"Don't even joke around," Marc frowned. "They don't deserve any importance. You shouldn't read comments under their posts anyway."

I sighed, looking out the window. "I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I can't help it. It's like picking at a scab - you know it's bad for you, but you do it anyway."

Marc's expression softened with understanding. "I get it, but those comments are toxic. They're not worth your time or energy."

"You're right," I admitted, turning back to face him. "I just wish I could stop caring what others think."

Marc reached over and squeezed my hand. "It's not easy, but we'll work on it together. Your worth isn't determined by strangers on the internet."

I took a deep breath, feeling vulnerable. "I guess sometimes those words hurt more than others. Like... maybe I wish I had more confidence. Being known is so overwhelming, and I wish I knew how to get over myself. I guess... I envy the confidence of other girls I meet."

Marc's eyes filled with understanding and love. "You're not ugly nor fat, Y/n. You're beautiful, inside and out."

"I didn't say I was, people said it," I protested weakly.

"But you think it," he said softly, his thumb tracing circles on my hand.

"No," I lied, unable to meet his gaze.

Marc cupped my face gently, forcing me to look at him. "Tell me something, Y/n. When was the last time you read something nice?"

I felt a rush of guilt for worrying him. "Well today, you told me something nice this morning. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like such a baby."

"Stop apologizing," he said firmly. "You're beautiful, and I'm so lucky to be your boyfriend. But more than that, you're kind, intelligent, and strong. Those people online? They don't know you. They don't see how you light up a room, how you make everyone around you feel special."

Tears spilled down my cheeks as Marc's words washed over me. He pulled me into a tight embrace, and I buried my face in his shoulder.

"I love you," he whispered into my hair. "Every part of you. And I promise, we'll work on building your confidence together. You don't have to face this alone”

As we sat there, wrapped in each other's arms, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. The cruel words of strangers seemed to fade away, replaced by the warmth of Marc's love and support.

"Thank you," I murmured, pulling back to meet his gaze. This time, my smile was genuine.

Marc leaned in, his lips meeting mine in a soft, tender kiss. It was gentle and reassuring, conveying all the love and support he had for me. As we parted, he rested his forehead against mine, our breaths mingling.

I reached up, running my fingers through his hair before pulling him in for another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate. When we finally broke apart, we were both slightly breathless.

Marc started the car again, but before pulling back onto the road, he turned to me with a mischievous grin. "Now, how about we go get some ice cream and plot our revenge on those haters"

I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in days. "Ice cream, yes. Revenge... maybe we'll save that for another day."

As we drove off, hand in hand, I realized that while I couldn't control what others said about me, I could choose to surround myself with love and positivity. And with Marc by my side, I felt ready to face whatever challenges came our way.

Before we reached the ice cream shop, Marc pulled over once more. He cupped my face gently and gave me one last, lingering kiss. "You're beautiful," he murmured against my lips. "Inside and out. Don't ever forget that."

I smiled into the kiss, feeling truly loved and cherished. With Marc's support and these tender moments, I knew I could overcome any insecurity. We drove on, looking forward to our ice cream date, our hands intertwined and hearts full of love.

[pugh-bug]

Marooned

Art Donaldson x ex wife reader

Part 2 of 2 - read part 1 here

Word count: 2,235 words

Warnings: smut , viewer discretion is advised. 🔞

Finally posted! I hope you enjoy, I loved writing this and I think you can tell because I don’t normally write this much in one chapter. Obsessed with these two and their messed up co dependency. Let me know if you wanna be on my tag list for ALL Art fics 🫶🏻💕

——————————���———————————

You watched Art stand up to refill your glass as if this dangerous accident had been a planned date all along - as if you weren’t here by chance. He was being chivalrous. That meant he wanted something.

“Do you love him?”

It was Art who had been your way of life for so long, been your reason to get out of bed on bad days and never leave it on good days. If someone were to ask you if that feeling of devotion had been felt for another, could you look them in the eye and say what wasn’t true?

“Not enough.”

It came out as a whisper but he heard and if you thought he’d be amused by your little confession you were mistaken. He was frowning, still standing over you, checking his watch.

“It’s half 1,” There was shame in his voice as he spoke suddenly. “There’s a spare bedroom down the hall - on the left. You should rest.” Not once did Art’s blue eyes meet your own. A part of you knew he hadn’t called for the coast guard and that part of you was relieved but to ensure you stayed the night just to give you the spare room…what an odd decision. It was too late to question it.

You knew a hot shower and fresh clothes was what you really needed but whisky driven tiredness had hit you hard. “Well,” You stood up slowly, trying to catch his eye and failing. “Goodnight.” Art didn’t return the saying until you were down the hall and even then it was barely a whisper.

——————————————————————

The bed was pristine, fit for royalty, you were equally overjoyed and horrified that this was the ‘spare bedroom’. Art never talked of buying a boat when you were married, you couldn’t help but wonder if this was a mid life crisis purchase. If it was it was worth it. You eyed the wardrobe, feeling too freezing to sleep naked.

“Something…please…” you mumbled, rummaging through the piles of spare bedding and sheets until you found - “Jesus…” It was your nightdress, you were sure of it. He’d bought it you as an anniversary present, along with some ridiculously expensive earrings, and even in low lighting ten years later you knew it. The slight rip in the hem from when he’d gotten too excited that night, the barely noticeable fading from the wine removal disaster. It was your dress sitting in the spare room on a boat you’d never been on. Why?

You checked the time: 1:44am. Art was awake, you were sure of it, why not ask him? He’d certainly asked you enough questions tonight. After slipping on the dress you tip toed, bare foot, back to the hallway. There were two doors but one was clearly marked ‘Closet’ so the answer was clear. Art was in bed behind the door inches from you. You looked to the boat walls for guidance, as if someone was about to come out of hiding and advise you on the situation. No one came so the boat remained silent.

Knock knock

The pounding in your heart began to fade as the moments passed. He’s asleep, he hasn’t heard, good, it was wrong, you tried were just some of the thoughts swimming in your head as you waited, your face mere centimetres from the door. I need to go to sleep, it’s late.

“Y/n?”

It only took Art a few seconds to notice your attire. His hair looked the same so he’d been awake. Art’s hair always went spiky whilst he slept.

“I was cold, care to explain?” You gestured to your dress and Art inhaled deeply at the sight of you so bare. He refused to take too long gazing, sensing your anger. “I,” to lie did cross his mind but you’d call his bluff you always could. “Kept it after everything.”

“Why?”

He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes widening in disbelief at himself and your question. “I just…”

“Just what?”

“I couldn’t throw it away.”

The man looked crushed, his eyes begged for your forgiveness and understanding. It reminded you of that night, how he’d begged then and how you’d refused to concede. It was all too much and too odd. A tear threatened to fall from your eye as you shook your head at him. “Why am I here?” You whispered as you begged Art for some cosmic answer to your sadness, he wrapped his arms around you and held you. Tightly. You held onto him, your bodies melting into one another as if the embrace was enough to fix everything. In that moment it almost was.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered gently, stroking the hair on the top of your head as his other arm held you right against him. “I missed you.” Your ears pricked up at that. Wiping your eyes you pulled away, trying not to look as shocked as you felt. “You missed me?” You wanted to be annoyed, to be horrified at his words and that look of devotion plastered on his face. It wasn’t fair - not after everything that had happened.

You’re not allowed to miss the woman you cheated on and divorced. You’re not allowed to stand on your fancy yacht pretending like you’re just a guy and not a grown man - grown tennis player - who dominates the sports world for a living. All of this you knew to be true and yet you couldn’t find it in yourself to be angry. You’d almost died, alone, in the middle of the ocean and who was there to save you?

He held you like he’d missed you, almost rocking you side to side as you inhaled his familiar scent. “You didn’t call the coast guard.” You mumbled into his shoulder.

“Hm?”

Knowing you needed to see his face, you pulled away again to look up at him. “You didn’t call,” his eyes were transfixed on your mouth and your eyes as you spoke. “The coast guard.” Art’s face was impossibly close to yours, his lips not quite touching one another. You knew if you had decency your mind would be with him back home. Back home in your perfectly comfortable little life. Your modest house filled with modest, pleasant memories.

“Ah…” Art exhaled, his cold breath causing your eyes to flutter. You could still get him to call someone, you could still go home to your life and pretend none of this had happened. Nothing had happened, you’d done nothing wrong. As your mind flipped and circled, Art’s arm snaked up your back to move your hair off your neck. I can still go home but of course you couldn’t. Standing in front of you was the only man you’d ever felt taken by, pulled toward and pushed away all at once.

Sensing your unavoidable guilt, Art pulled away. You felt the loss of his body against yours immediately and swallowed a sigh. He stared at you, willing you to say something but what neither of you knew. “Do you want me…to g-“ but Art had no time to finish, you’d already pleaded a ‘no’. Within seconds his lips were on yours, his hands were in your hair and yours were round his neck. He still kissed the same, still with feverish need and unquenchable desire. Your heart was pounding loud enough for him to hear and all the guilt ridden worries had dissipated.

Somewhere you’d locked away the moment Art kissed you were the words this is wrong this is wrong this is wrong playing over and over. It was a shame you couldn’t hear it. All you heard were yours and Art’s desperate, quaking breaths and the sound of the door closing as he pulled you into his room. You only broke apart when he lowered you onto the bed, the sound of the mattress creaking and his frantic movements to rid you of your dress filled the air.

Art left you kisses down your neck, chest and waist until finally he kissed your core. You knew you were wet but you hadn’t realised quite how much of a mess was between your thighs until you heard the unmistakable sound when his finger entered you. The boat was rocking gently enough to send you to sleep but Art’s increasingly eager movements had your eyes wide and your heart thrumming. He licked a long strike up your pussy before beaming up at you. “You taste the same.”

Hastily you sat up, not letting him ravage you like he so wanted, and pulled off his shirt. He whined at the loss of your thighs around his head but calmed when he realised what you wanted. He could always tell what you wanted from him, even if you didn’t use your words or even gesture he intrinsically knew. He knew your body and all your tells even after so much time spent woefully apart. When someone knows every inch of another that knowledge never really goes away.

To oblige your impatient nature, Art took off all his clothes and pulled you onto his lap. You sank down onto him without hesitation, Art’s arms closed in around your back. There wasn’t an inch between any of you, not even your head which was resting in the crook of his neck. Your eyelids were heavy but you could still make out the blackened waves rising and falling through Art’s window. Art exhaled…he wanted you to move.

After kissing his neck you began slowly, painstakingly slowly, riding him. Your legs were thrown over his thighs, making it easy for him to stay as close to you as possible. His chest rose and fell as you began to speed up. Little gasps and moans fell from his lips as he watched you in awe, through lust tinted glasses. To him you were an angel. In that moment you were his reason for being. As you arched your back, pushing your breasts closer to his face and closing your eyes he knew he’d do anything for you.

It didn’t take long for Art to thrust up into you, feeling every inch of him inside you suddenly pulled a loud moan from your throat. He wished he had his phone so he could hear you again - play your moans and gasps again on a loop relentlessly. He’d never get sick of pleasuring you, of feeling you drip onto his thighs and claw at his hair.

“I,” Art grunted as he met your rocking hips with his own, quickening his pace again. “Missed you so much.” He barely finished his sentence before you sank back down onto him, impossibly fast, and kissed him - not letting him speak. Don’t ruin this, you wanted to plead, don’t make me think anything through. Your high was coming quick, you just needed him to keep touching every inch of you. Don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop.

“I’m…” You opened your eyes for a moment to stare at Art’s while you bounced up and down, feeling your thighs ache from the effort. To distract you perhaps, Art began biting and kissing your neck knowing where your pulse was and how sensitive you were. A blissful moan left your lips as he kept hitting that spot deep inside you where you needed him most. You’d almost forgotten how big he was. Almost.

“Art!” You exclaimed as just when you thought he couldn’t go any faster he did. All that training had given him impressive stamina and you were reaping the benefits sinfully. His moans grew louder, as did yours, and every few seconds you’d kiss again and muffle the desperate “I’m close” pleas.

Without warning, Art clamped his arms tightly around your waist so hard you knew he’d leave bruises and pounded up into you with desperation. The noises were pornographic, the bed creaked under the strain of his frantic movements and all you could do was writhe in his tight grip and take it. That familiar tightness began to feel louder in your core. Suddenly your toes curled and your eyes rolled back as a wave of unrelenting pleasure hit you from deep within. You’d known nothing like it, you felt high.

Art, not far behind, kissed you one last time before his thrusts faltered and you felt his warm cum spurt inside you, coating your walls. “Y/N…” he whispered into the night like a prayer, overcome. The two of you stayed like that for some time, his arms wrapped round your waist and your hands caressing his face. Neither of you spoke until he slipped out of you, sighing at the loss of your warmth.

“I’ll have to leave tomorrow.”

Art refused to look at you, his heart aching from your cold words. Of course you had to leave, you weren’t his wife. You weren’t his.

“Art?”

He looked at you. Your hair was unruly, your face flush and your lips swollen from the forcefulness of all that kissing and you’d never looked more beautiful to him. Ignoring the seriousness of your tone, Art gently pulled you into his arms so he could spoon you. His arm rested on your belly as he left gentle kisses on your neck and shoulders. It was his turn to stop you from ruining the moment, from letting reality bleed into his bedroom.

Reality could wait until morning.

———————————————————————

Masterlist

Art fic taglist: @theynothem @amorisxx

[tonysbed]

bad idea, right?

Charles x Fem!ex!reader

Summary: Charles and you break up but just can’t stay away from each other.

A/n: Another Charles social media au 🤭

Also, I love Alex so no hate to my girl okay 😞😘

-

E!News

liked by f1fan, y/nbabe and 729.689 others

E!News After Break up with long term boyfriend, Y/n was spotted in Harry Styles car crying. Find out how the it couple broke up in the link in our bio!

user727 nooooo

userboo EXCUSE ME

Y/nbabe WHAT?WITH WHO? IM SORRY

leclercfan16 Broke up and hopped onto the next guy. What a whore

y/nmywife shut the fuck up.Y/n and harry were friends BEFORE she dated charles

user57 dude what

-

E!News

liked by f1fan, y/nbabe and 968.629 others

E!News Charles Leclerc was spotted with a new girl just 3 weeks after the break up with his long term girlfriend Y/n Y/l/n. Was this the reason for their sudden split? Click the link in our bio to find out!

y/niswifey the resemblance between y/n and his new girl💔

user46 He’s got a type..

user19 this hurts more than my own break up istg

Y/ncharlesendgame god lord

User59 I just wanna cry.

User70 who’s she?

User402 This hurts but the fire album we’re gonna get gives me hope for SOMETHING

user29 She’s gonna roast him😭

y/nmylove oh he’s so done lol

-

y/ny/l/n

liked by taylorswift, arthur_leclerc and 2,380,296 others

y/ny/l/n Burned.Out now on all streaming platforms

tagged harrystyles

taylorswift 🔥❤️

liked by y/ny/l/n

zendaya amazing ❤️

y/n/l/n love you 🐨

y/niswifey OH ITS GOING DOWN

user68 “Your new girl is my clone” MOTHER OMG

userlol she knew she ate

y/nbabe I mean they do look a lot alike.. But we haven’t seen them since like 4 months 👀

-

E!News

liked by f1fan, y/niswifey and 729.528 others

E!News Charles Leclerc and Y/n Y/l/n were spotted after one of his races, 11 months after their break up! Are we witnessing a comeback? Click the link in our bio for more!

y/niswifey pleaseeeeee omggg

f1.cl16 I want them back so baddddd

user89 Id sell my soul to know what they were talking about

-

y/n posted a story

-

y/ny/l/n

liked by taylorswift, charles_leclerc and 2,399,268 others

y/ny/l/n are you ready, nyc?

tagged charles_leclerc

comments are turned off

-

y/nupdates

liked by y/niswifey, cl16fan and 280.791 others

y/nupdates CHARLES AND CARLOS AT Y/N‘S SHOW TONIGHT OMGGGGG

y/niswifey are they back together now? Are they not?😭

user89 maybe we’ll find out tonight 😦

use.r29 His mom and arthur were also spotted there😭

y/niswifey Oh she be having a family reunion 👀

-

y/n

liked by charles_leclerc, taylorswift and 1.372.829 others

y/n love performing w ya 🩷

harrystyles me too👀🩷

user68 what’s happening? I know he is co writer but AHHEEJWVEJWFZ

user58 I like them but i need charles and y/n back istg

-

y/nupdates

liked by fifan, y/niswifey and 639.369 others

y/nupdates Y/n was spotted being super cozy with her co-writer and friend Harry Styles

user68 WHAT

y/nishot help, I'm still at the restaurant

user57 nonononono, MOTHER WHY

user29 I love harry but i just don't think he's a good fit for her

-

charles_leclerc

liked by carlossainz55, arthur_leclerc and 599.268 others

charles_leclerc Im no longer your muse 🛥️

arthur_leclerc 🔥

user18 why do I have a feeling the caption is directed 🌚

y/nbabe first it seems as if he and Y/n get back tg and then she gets w harry.Im so confused rn😭

f1fannnn she never said that they’re back together 🤷🏼‍♀️

y/nbabe still feels weird smh

-

Part 2 will be uploaded soon!

[lostcherise]

Overcome

Summary: In which Jesse accepts the money Walt gives him and decides he deserves a second chance in life, but only if he gets to have it with you.

Warnings: mentions of drug overdose, mentions of future miscarriage, angst with fluff, this is post s5e8 (gliding over all) but the nazis never happened

Word count: 5,397

A/N: this is loosely inspired by one of my favorite songs from my favorite band and some lyrics used throughout the story will be written in italics. Hope you enjoy!!

Whoever was at your front door sure seemed to be persistent. Persistent enough to wake you from your peaceful slumber at - you glanced over at your digital alarm clock - 3:38 A.M. Great, just fucking great. With a grunt, you swung your legs over the side of the bed, the wooden floor cold against your bare feet. You narrowed your eyes at the metal baseball bat that rested next to your bedside table. For a second, you thought about not taking it with you, but no intruder would be polite enough to knock before they came barging in. But then again, given the crazy life you've had this past year, it was better being safe than sorry.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

With heavy steps, you trudged down the stairs as the banging grew louder and more frantic, feeling somewhat grateful your aunt was working the graveyard shift at the hospital that night, and you were alone. You swiftly unlocked the door, positioning your bad high above your head, ready to bust heads open, and opened the door.

"Jesse?" you were stunned, to say the least. He hadn't spoken to you in almost two months, and now he was standing at your front door, at the crack ass of dawn. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Come with me." his voice was pleading and frantic at the same time.

"Co- go where?" you raised your voice. He had basically dropped off the face of Earth for the hundredth time and as always he expected you'd come running after him. Because that's what you did.

"I don't know." he sounded frustrated but it seemed to be directed mores so to himself rather you. "Anywhere!"

"Jesse, why don't we backtrack a little, okay? Come in, let's discuss this inside."

"No, no." he shook his head, his eyes were wide. Although he was acting strange, he didn't seem high, a state you had seen him in multiple times. Something else seemed to be bothering him, but you refused to go anywhere without any explanation.

"For fuck's sake! Look, I don't wanna fight, my money's in a bag in the back for you." he motioned at his parked car on the side of the sidewalk. "Let's go, now." this time he sounded defeated, almost like a lost child, and your heart ached for him. To deny all the hurt he'd been through would be a blatant lie.

"What money, Jesse?" you warily asked and hugged yourself. It was March and you were in a flimsy tattered t-shirt, and sweatpants, barefoot at that.

"Look, if you come, I'll explain on the way. You comin' or not?" he was growing impatient at your lack of cooperativeness.

"Jesse, I can't just up and leave! I have responsibilities." you countered.

"Oh, like what? Working at a strip club?" that was a low remark, even he knew that. You saw it in the way he grimaced, as instant regret kicked in, but you knew better than to get angry at him, he was kind of right.

"It's what's going to get me through nursing school, you of all people should know that." you shook your head, even if you couldn't get mad at him, you couldn't help but still be disappointed.

The first time your paths crossed were four years ago, you were fresh-faced and straight out of high school. Just barely legal. You had just moved to Albuquerque from Roswell at the first chance you got. The relationship with your parents was strained, so you could bet on the $300 in your pocket - that was all you had on you at that time - that your parents were on cloud nine the moment you had stepped foot out of the house. Thank God for your beloved aunt that had taken you in, or else you would've ended up living in a tent on the side of the street, addicted to the crystal. Not that landing a job as a stripper at 18 was the brightest idea, but old men loved spending the entirety of their pension on you, so the cash flow was good. Plus, you had a roof over your head at all times. So, in your mind that counted as doing okay.

Jesse had come in on your third day with his group of friends. Initially, you thought he was going to be just another sleazebag, which he was to an extent. However, he wouldn't bother you the same way the other patrons did, with you he seemed more reserved, which was very odd given how he was with the other girls. He would come in twice a week, just to see you, admire you on the pole. Then came the private dances, and after five ones, you guys would end up talking halfway through. After that, he would offer to buy you drinks in attempts to keep talking to you, and it worked. That was when the lines between customer and client started to blur and you entered the danger zone. From client, he became your dealer. You were the one who had approached him on the matter, just needed to get your hands on some weed to wind down. Then, came the crystal. Although, you ultimately decided that was not your thing, you hated how paranoid and anxious it made you, so you stuck with the occasional joint here and then. After that, from dealer he got upgraded to friend, and from friend you somehow ended up to now - whatever the hell now was.

See, you knew you cared for Jesse as more than just a friend and you liked to think that he did too. But you knew better than to go tredging that path, ultimately there was no happy ending for the two of you on the horizon, and that's what pained you the most.

"I'm sorry, it was out of line." Jesse looked sheepish. "But I have more than enough money to get you through nursing school and build a new life together a-"

"Why me?" you interrupted.

"What?"

"I mean, why with me?" you asked nonchalantly trying to fight the butterflies in your stomach.

"You know I can't do this without you. You and me, 'till the end of the line. Ride or die." Jesse's pleading eyes searched your own and you hated yourself for even considering his offer. Just like always, you were so willing to go after him, even if that meant him dragging you into the hellfire with him.

"I'll let you know by tomorrow, morning. Get some rest, Jesse." you sighed, closing the door and you went back up to bed. You tossed, and you turned on your bed for what seemed like eternity, as you tried to fight off the thoughts that kept you awake, finally giving up when you saw the sun creeping through your thick curtains. With a frustrated scream, you kicked the covers off of you and preactically leaped off your bed, You walked over to the small walk in closet opposite your bed. A small part of you was screaming at you, that this was wrong, the wrong thing to do.

Yes. Yes, it was.

But leaving Jesse on his own? That was something your love for him wouldn't allow you to do. Maybe, this was finally your way out and what if you were too blind to see? It was better to live with the consequences of bad choices, rather than the constant regret of not giving it a try, being plagued by the constant what ifs and could've beens.

You grabbed a large duffel bag on the top shelf and started mindlessly shoving in whatever article of clothing first came in your line of vision. Taking a step back, you took in the sight of your now half empty closet. It scared you how willing you were to pack up and leave everything behind. It's not like you were a first timer at this thing, you had done this before and you ended up okay.

The sound of the front door unlocking brought you back to reality. Shit, you had to tell your aunt.

"Hey, you're home." you greeted your aunt with a hug.

"Sweetie, why are you awake? Is everything okay?"

"Yes." she gave you a pointed look. "Well, not really." you admitted.

"Uh, how do I break this to you." you struggled to get the correct words out. "Jesse and I are leaving town." you exhaled, a small weight was lifted of your shoulders already. Still there was so much weighing you down, but she shouldn't know.

"Wha- when? Where are you going?" she couldn't mask the sadness in her voice. She never had children, but she loved you like her own and to leave so suddenly was a lot to take in for your aunt.

"We're thinking of, uh, road tripping across the West Coast." the lie came easy. "Take in new sceneries, you know youngster stuff." you tried to laugh off the tears that were beginning to brim your eyes.

Your aunt stood silent in front of you, she wasn't stupid by any means, she had suspected things about the kind of life Jesse was leading; she had tried to talk some sense into you when he had first came into the picture, but to no avail. So, she let you be, you were a big girl and you were going to learn on your own. And if there was one thing she knew best about you, is that once you had made up your mind, nothing was changing it back.

"Okay..." she trailed off, accepting your decision defeatedly. "Please be careful, that's all I ask." she said, before pulling you into a much needed hug.

"Yes, I promise I'll stay in touch." you hugged back tightly. She pulled back to take a look at you with a tearful smile, her lips quivered as she smiled, and you mirrored her reaction.

"I should better go, tell Jesse. Call at work later too." puffing out your cheeks as you exhaled. You wiped your palms on your thighs, they weren't dirty, it was just a habit you did when you were nervous.

Within thirty minutes, you found yourself in front of Jesse's front door, the duffel bag sitting heavy on your shoulder. You set the bag down and rang on his doorbell.

"You're here." Jesse greeted you with sunken eyes.

"Aren't I always?" you asked, it was more of a rhetorical question both of you knew the answer to. Jesse leaped into your arms and let out a choked sob, his sudden change of emotion made your chest tighten.

"I thought this time was going to be different." Jesse cried into your hair and took in a deep breath. The familiar smell of your vanilla coconut perfume calmed him a bit. You were his calm.

"For a moment, I thought so too." you admitted with tears of your own, silently rolling down your cheeks and pulled him in closer against your chest. Neither of you said another word, as you silently held each other, until Jesse decided to break away about a minute later.

"I'm ready to leave, like, right now." Jesse rested his forehead against yours, his striking blue eyes searching the comfort of your own. Briefly, he glanced down at your parted lips and thought about closing the gap, and enclose you in a fiery kiss.

But the romance thing never really went well with him, so if he got to keep you by his side as his friend, then he'd have to compromise. With a sigh, he shut his eyes and pushed those thoughts away.

"Let's go."

──────

The door thumped rhythmically, as you struggled to find Jesse's spare key. The 90lb clay pot that adorned his entrance scraped against his porch, as you struggled to push it to the side. A single key lay beneath.

Soon, you were met with an unquestionable stench. It smelled like sweat, drugs and rotten food. You gagged at the state of Jesse's living room, unfamiliar bodies laying on top of another, trash and food strewn all across the floor - which was suspiciously sticky.

Your breath got caught in your throat once you caught sight of Jesse. He was slumped against a giant speaker, his chest moving rapidly. Your legs almost froze in place, it was the first time you had seen him so out of it, so lost in the blue that he was losing himself. He groaned softly, and threw his head back as he struggled for breath. Within seconds, you were by his side cradling his head.

God, he was burning.

He moaned in pain and held your hands. He tried to hold your gaze, but his eyes kept rolling back in his skull, you were losing him.

"I'm dying. I'm dyi-" he cried out and gasped for air.

"Stay with me Jesse, please." you cried, as you dialed 911. "Help is on the way." you reassured him as you held him against you.

Jesse turned to look at you when you sat down in front of him, breaking him out of his memory.

"Hey, whatcha thinkin' bout?" Sliding a steaming cup of coffee across the small motel room table, you gave him a soft smile.

"About that time you found me when I was overdosing." he tried to match your smile, but his pained eyes had something else to say. He chuckled to himself and took a much needed sip before he spoke. "I know this mind sound cheesy as gell, but-" he paused to look deeply into your eyes. "You're like a bringer of the calm, you're the only thing that keeps me grounded and sane."

"Jesse-"

"When your arms wrapped around me when the fever took, thought I was gone for good, but you brought me back. You are the reason I'm sitting here today. So, thank you."

By the time he was done talking, you were a bawling mess, the images of Jesse laying helpless, crying out in pain in your arms were tearing a hole in your chest that you had tried so hard to mend these past few months. Jesse cupped your smaller hands in his, brought them up to his lips kissing each knuckle, lingering on each one before moving on to the next one. It was an act so small and simple, yet so intimate, it sent tingles down your spine.

It was those little acts of love that made you fall deeper for him.

"So," you cleared your throat, your hands remained enclosed in his, enjoying his warmth. "Where to next?" you asked, as you looked out of the window taking in the view of Aspen mountain. Although, there was no snow in Aspen at that moment, the mountain was still black and white, the trees peaking through the snowy slopes.

"Depends on when we wanna settle down." Jesse said with a genuine smile that reached his eyes this time.

"Settle down?" you repeated with a giggle, heat rushing up to the apples of your cheeks. That idea, although something you had dreamt of often, still seemed so foreign to you. You, settling down with Jesse. Ex stripper and ex meth manufacturer getting a chance at the apple pie life, living in a white picket fence house, two kids and a white Labrador. "That sounds so domestic." you commented.

"Yeah, why not?" his deep voice trailed off. "It's till death do us part."

"That's for married couples. We're not married." you shook your head at him and you brought your mug up to your face, in a failed attempt to hide your reddening face from him.

"Some day." his gaze was intense and serious, none of his usual mischievous and flirty grins in sight. He meant every word he said. You almost choked on your coffee, and chose to remain silent instead.

"I was thinking Alaska." Jesse broke the silence and leaned back into his chair, lips pursed deep in thought.

"Way too much cold. How 'bout," you paused and tapped your chin as if in deep thought. "Ohio!"

"There's nothing in Ohio." Jesse looked at you, almost disgusted at your suggestion.

You bit back a laugh while he watched in disbelief. "Okay, fine. What do you like?"

"I want there to be trees. Like, live in the woods, that would be even better. Oh, and maybe next to a lake? Some extra space, so I could do some wood work." he mused, with a distant smile.

"Wood work?"

"Yeah, like, maybe built a chair or something." he almost looked embarrassed. "Do you remember when I had told you about that box I had made in high school?"

"Yeah, the one you exchanged for weed." you raised a teasing eyebrow.

"Yeah, that one. I was thinking maybe I, like, made a business out of it." he shrugged with a smile and leaned in closer to you. "I'm gonna build our furniture, too."

"Oh, so we'll be living together?" the butterflies in your stomach were threatening to fly out of your mouth, but you tried to keep your cool, as you leaned in even closer, only a couple of inches away from his face. His warm breath was tickling the tip of your nose.

"Oh, yeah." his voice was barely above a whisper. "And we'll go to bed every night and cuddle... and stuff." he added in a low and suggestive tone. Now, his nose was brushing against yours and the only thing that was left for him to do was pull you in a much awaited searing kiss. Instead, he moved his head to the side and kissed you just on the corner of your mouth, to which you embarrassingly whimpered.

Jesse just leaned back into his chair and continued on sipping on his coffee leisurely, as if he he hadn't basically admitted that he dreamt of marrying you some day.

"What about upstate New York?"

──────

"So, what's your new name again?" you asked Jesse after a boring game of "I Spy" as you continued your journey up northeast.

"James Driscoll." It sounded so foreign coming out of his mouth, but it was something he had to get used to for the rest of is life, if he wanted to do this second chance thing the right way.

"Can I still call you Jesse? I'll pretend it's your middle name." you giggled.

"Why the fuck would I go by my middle name?" he shot you sideways glance, before focusing back up on the road ahead.

He was met with a shrug for an answer. Lots of people liked their middle names more. However, Jesse's case was different, as many little ties he had to his past life, the better. That, in turn meant that you had changed your name too, for good measure. Just in case someone ever tried tracing back to Jesse through you.

The vacuum guy had made an exception for you in that you were allowed to contact your aunt freely. Even if he wasn't too happy about it. It had been about ten days since you had hit the road and you gave her check ins every two days via payphone. I should call her tomorrow, first thing.

Boredom was hitting you like a ton of bricks, you started making fart noises with your mouth. Watching blurry trees though the passenger window could only be entertaining for a little while. With a sigh, you reached over and turned on the radio, the soft melody of And I Love Her by The Beatles filled in the silence.

Jesse hummed softly, a gentle smile dancing on his lips. He reached over the console and took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers with yours, his thumb softly caressing yours, placing soft kisses in the back of your hand. Averting his gaze momentarily from the road, his eyes searched for yours, and although he didn't speak, in his way he told you - well, showed you - that he did in fact love you. It just came easier to show it, rather than have the words come out.

He held your hand until you found your hotel for the night.

──────

A faint jingle was heard on the background, indicating a new customer had just come in the bar. That night the shift was moving kinda slow, it was a Wednesday night, and it was just you and Natalie, the bartender, and all four tables at that time had been tended to. On top of that, it was an hour till closing time, and all you wanted to do was teleport to your bed, in your comfy pajamas - that in actuality were Jesse's old clothes - and preferably snuggled up against him.

"Oh, new hottie alert." she purred, as she basically eye fucked whoever came in behind you. "Don't look, he's coming this way." she added hurriedly just right when you were about to turn around and take a look.

"Jeez, okay." you threw your arms up in fake defeat.

"Hello handsome. What can I get for you tonight?" Natalie greeted him as he moved to sit on the stool next to you.

"Whiskey, neat." An all too familiar gravelly voice spoke up beside you.

"Sure, thing." Natalie replied, pulling out a glass in front of Jesse and poured from the most expensive bottle that was reserved for what Natalie deemed the hot ones.

Although you knew Natalie's subtle advancements would practically go unnoticed by Jesse, you couldn't help the tiny speck of jealousy that crept its way into your chest.

He mumbled a soft 'thank you' and took a sip. Jesse let out an appreciative sound, eyebrows shooting up on his forehead in faint surprise.

"Yeah, it's one of the expensive ones." you spoke up from next to him. "That means she thinks you're hot." you whispered with a giggle.

"Oh, well. Remind me to leave a good tip." Jesse's lips curled around the rim of the glass, and he took another sip.

Although you would have loved to sit there and chat with Jesse, your shift was sadly not over yet and you had to do your job. You sauntered off, deliberately swaying your hips from side to side, knowing Jesse's eyes would be transfixed on your hips.

"She sure knows how to get your attention, doesn't she?" Natalie came up next to him, from her side of the bar, observing the way he was drinking you in with his eyes.

Jesse agreed absent-mindedly, his mind lost in old memories of you, the way your hips swayed the same way up on that stage, as you would walk up to the pole and spin sensually. Those tiny bikinis you'd wear during your routines, would leave nothing to his imagination. Or, when you had given him his first private lap dance, when you had stripped completely naked in front of him. The strain in his pants felt the exact same as it did right then at the strip club. Shaking his head, he averted his gaze and tried thinking of something else.

Maybe about how it had been about nine months since the two of you had moved to Amherst, and although you literally acted like a couple, he still didn't have the balls to actually kiss you. Sure, he'd kiss you all over your face, he would always pull you in his chest every morning and leave searing kisses on your shoulders, while on your daily morning cuddle session. But kissing you on the lips, to him felt like entering dangerous territory, it felt like trespassing. Hell, he even called you 'babe'.

But his previous dating history, Jesse had grown scared.

Besides, life was going well as it was.

You were now on your first year of nursing at UMass, you were working as a waitress at a small bar, he had gotten a job at Home Depot and kept himself busy with side projects - he had transformed your garage into a wood working studio.

Life was good. It was just that fear kept him from making it even better.

The bar grew more quiet as people started leaving. When the last group of people bid their goodbyes, Jesse downed the last sip of his drink and slapped a $20 on the bar. With two swift steps, he came up behind you and snaked his arm around your waist as you were cleaning up your last table.

"I'll be outside." he mumbled, his voice deep and low. You shivered ever so slightly when you felt his lips brush against your ear lobe, his scruffy beard tickling your skin, and just like that in a moment he was gone out the door.

"You have some explaining to do about you and that hottie." Natalie teased, with a hand on her hip as she threw a towel over her shoulder.

"Tomorrow." you waved her off.

"Tomorrow's your day off." she pointed out.

"Exactly!" you giggled and stuck your tongue out at her and resumed at cleaning up as fast as possible. You didn't want Jesse to wait out too long in the cold. Although it was November, winter had come early and you had the first snowfall two days ago.

You let out a loud sigh and you untied your apron, and folded it before throwing it in your backpack. Your arms shook as you reached for your thick woolen cardigan and threw it over your Henley shirt. Of course, you couldn't forget about your thick parka jacket, then your beanie, scarf and gloves.

You weren't used to this much cold.

Once outside, you bid Natalie goodbye and parted ways, you walking over to were Jesse was leaned against the wall, having a smoke.

"There's my little onion." Jesse teased you about your layers of clothing. Laughing, he grabbed the ends of your scarf and pulled in to him, and without a second thought brought you in for a kiss.

To your dismay, it didn't last long. Both of you pulled back, shocked at what had just happened. You simply stared at Jesse, at how he was looking at you with confusion. Then fear. Then guilt.

"I'm so-"

"Do it again." you cut him off before he could apologize.

"What?" his hot breath was fanning against your nose as you looked him in his eyes, then down at his lips.

"Kiss me, Jesse." you whispered softly. And so he did. You didn't mind that it was close to freezing out, Jesse's kiss was enough to light a fire within you, as his lips moved languidly against yours.

And just like that, life became even better.

──────

Life really did move along great as the years went by. Even after you had gotten your nursing degree, you and Jesse had decided that had grown to love Amherst, so you both decided to stay permanently.

Jesse had left Home Depot, he now owned a small business, building his own original pieces and restoring antique pieces on the side.

You had even gotten a dog together. You and Jesse had found her while trekking Mount Holyoke, and you both had instantly fallen in love with her. A Beagle, she was barely 1 year old at that time. You both decided to name her Echo, because of the way her little puppy cries echoed before you had found her.

Your relationship was going steady, your love for one another growing with each passing day, and you really didn't think you could be any happier.

Up until you saw those two blue lines appear on the pregnancy test. You hid in the bathroom at work, during your lunch break and took the test. At first, you wanted to do it at home but you grew more and more impatient with each passing second. So, now here you were; positive pregnancy test in your hand. It was real. It was really happening. When realization hit you, you let out a squeal, there was no doubt Jesse would be just as happy.

And he truly was. And although he was sobbing when you broke the news to him, you knew it was tears of happiness. You cried with him as he held you, and you cried even harder when he got down on his knees and placed soft kisses on your stomach.

The pregnancy progressed as usual, with a bit of morning sickness - which in reality was more like, all day sickness. By now, you were nine weeks along.

It was Saturday, and both you and Jesse were home for the weekend. A rare occurrence, mostly because of your line of work and irregular schedules. Jesse rolled over with a lazy smile on his face, half awake, to pull you against him like he usually loved to do. But you were no where to be found, maybe you were preparing breakfast, he thought, and got up to go to the bathroom.

He tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes, as he groggily made his way to the bathroom. He went to open the door, only to find it was locked. That was odd, you never locked it. Jesse's heart fell at the sound of your muffled groans and crying.

"Open up." his voice was gruff from the lack of use, he had just woken up after all. "Babe, please open up." he pleaded, as he kept on knocking.

"Go away!" you yelled through the door and cried harder.

"Let me in, you're scaring me." Jesse's voice trembled, as panic started to settle in a burning fire inside his chest.

You kept denying and he kept begging, until a deafening silence fell from your side of the door. Jesse defeatedly called out your name softly once more, and that's when he heard the soft click of the door unlocking. He pushed it open gently and found you curled up on the bathroom floor, weeping silently.

"Love, tell me." Jesse was almost certain he knew what had happened. Tears silently rolled down his cheeks, his lips pursed as he tried to make no sound.

"I lost it." And the moment those words slipped past your lips, a blood curdling scream echoed through the bathroom as you cried even harder. In seconds, Jesse was on the floor with you in his arms. And you cried, and you screamed until your voice gave out. "There was so much blood." you whispered.

Jesse cried silently, cradling your head, and placing soft, comforting kisses on your head.

"I know you probably don't wanna hear this, but" he paused. "Whenever you're ready, we'll try again. And we shall overcome, as we've done before." he reassured you.

For weeks on end, the both of you were nothing but just empty shells of yourselves. Mostly you. The first week you had stayed at home, wandering around the house like a ghost. One month after the miscarriage, you had smiled genuinely again, you were finding your old self again.

You both giggled as you stumbled in, and you turned around to hush him, before bursting into a fit of laughter again. Jesse hummed against your neck, leaving a trail of wet, sloppy kisses all the way down to your collarbone.

"Mhm, you smell so good." he slurred, moving to grope your ass through the loose fabric of your sundress.

It was only 3 P.M on a Sunday, and both of you were drunk of your asses after you had taken a curious Jesse for brunch and bottomless mimosas. He was always so confused as to how you managed to come home tipsy after brunch with the girls, and now he knew the why very well.

"You're sooo hot." you winked at him, or at least you tried to. "And I want you..." you grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him to the bedroom. Jesse just hummed appreciatively, and let you take the upper hand. You threw him on the bed and went on to straddle him and after that, everything was way too hazy to remember properly.

But you definitely had an idea of what happened, as you stared down at yet another positive pregnancy test. And although the months leading up to the birth of your daughter were rather difficult, it all got washed away the moment she locked eyes with you and Jesse. You guys shared teary smiles, life was well again.

The way it was supposed to be.

[l1v1ngd3dgrrl]

For the Mouthwashing requests, how about Anya with an intern!Reader who slowly falls in love with her (and of course, she returns the sentiment)? Aboard the Tulpar if you're feeling angsty...headcanons or fic, your choice! Thank you ^^

AN: Thank you for the requestttt, and YESS ANGSTY I love sprinkling in angst. I'm gonna do some HC's, but in the future I may turn it into a oneshot. I hope you enjoy<3 I hope you don't mind me assigning the reader as Anya's intern! I left out what happens post crash because I didn't wanna be too angsty.

[also i was listening to Just like Heaven by the Cure..I think Anya would love them :)]

Anya x Intern! Reader Headcanons+ mini drabbles [sfw-ish]

mdni banner: cafekitsune

CW(S): Implications of sex, slight angst towards the end, mouthwashing spoilers, GN! reader/reader's gender is not mentioned, Possible age gap? I view Anya as a woman in her late 20's early 30's so depending on how old you are there's that.

So how does this happen?

Listen, you took this internship so you could get some credit for your University. The internship had nothing to do with your major what so ever but hey. Beggars can't be choosers?

You would be the Medical Intern, doing menial tasks and being educated on different first aide techniques by your mentor, Anya.

At first it was a pretty standard relationship, she was your mentor and you were her student. It wasn't all strictly business as the two of you got along fairly well outside of work stuff.

Around the 3 month mark of the haul you start to notice things about her that you hadn't before. Like how her hair was somehow always perfect as it fell over her shoulders, how her eye color was the most unique thing in the world, and how her lips were such a beautiful peachy brown color and how...soft they looked.

...uh oh.

Well....What are you gonna do about it?

At first you hold off on telling her, afraid of making things weird. What's another 8-ish months keeping your feelings a secret? easy peasy.

....at least you THINK it's gonna be easy. Your poker face isn't exactly the best.

Around month 5 is when she starts to really notice some big changes.

At first she gets worried thinking that you're going mental, nurses don't get their own evals. She questions you about it one day as the two of you are sitting in Medical, organizing some paperwork.

You try to deny that anything is wrong and that its simply nothing...which she essentially calls you out for because obviously lying and prods you again.

"So...Y/n, are you feeling alright?" You nod your head and try and hide your nervousness. "Y-yeah I'm great! uhm..why do you ask?" She stops filing papers and turns to you, eyes searching your form intently. "You've been a little off these last few months, Even if we don't get our own evaluations you know you can always talk to me." You bite the inside of your cheek and nod. Man you really needed to work on your poker face skills. "I'll keep that in mind th-thanks." you clear your throat and resume working. "But i'm fine though-just a bit uh, overwhelmed is all." "Y/n," she says sternly and you look up, deer in headlights. "Something is clearly bothering you, what is it?" her gaze is tender and full of concern. Those same gorgeous eyes flittering over your face. You gulp and open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Instead you just feel and overwhelming sense of dread. "I-I'm sorry I have to go."

Oh,what's this??

You panic and duck of medical and hide in your 'bedroom' for a bit.

After that you can't look her in the eye properly, maybe it'll affect your credit but at this point you don't care.

Unfortunately you can't avoid her for very long.

she finds you after dinner and holds you by the shoulder. Curly, or Jimmy hadn't pulled you aside to discuss your little stunt from earlier so she must not have reported it.

You couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing...

"Y/n I really need to talk with you, okay?" She says. It was phrased as a question but you knew you couldn't just back out. "Alright." She leads you back to medical and both of you sit at her desk. She's in her usual chair, and you're in the chair that the 'patient' usually sits at. "I'm a little disappointed in what happened earlier," she begins "I'm not mad but I am a little bit hurt. Something is clearly troubling you and it's part of my job as your mentor and the nurse to make sure in good shape." You suck in a breath and nod. "I'm sorry." Your eyes are focused on your shoes, too ashamed to look her in the eyes. "Please tell me what's bothering you?" She asks and pulls your attention to her by cupping your chin. The action makes your heart skip a few beats, and your cheeks feel warmer. You meet her gaze and the feelings you had for months are threatening to spill out. "I," You swallow thickly and try and gather your wits. "I think I'm in love with you..I didn't want to say anything because we're co-workers." She pulls her hand away from your face, eyes fixated on you as you speak. "I was so nervous because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. And I didn't want to get fired." Her lips curve into a smile after you finish talking, an action that makes you even more nervous. "Oh hun, that's what that was about?" You splutter and do a double take, the pet name was not helping you feel less anxious. "I've taken quite a liking to you too. All you had to to was be honest with me."

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOO

After that night you two begun a secret relationship, keeping things professional during the day and indulging each other at night.

It's been... so good so far! Obviously date nights are hard to do when you're stuck on a spaceship but you made it work. Even if that meant asking Curly for a special dinner under the guise that it was for the crew.

...That happiness was short lived though because the ship fucking crashed. What the hell man?

Even if things were looking bleak you were determined to remain positive for Anya.

"Do you think we're gonna make it?" You has asked her one night, Her undereyes had begun growing darker from all the stress, a sight that made your heart ache. "I hope so." was all she said. You didn't take her lack of words to heart. As the two of you sat in silence you inched your hand over hers and gave it a firm squeeze. "That's the most important thing," you said "to have hope." She hummed and leaned her head against your shoulder. "No matter what happens..I love you." You whisper, glancing over at her. She looks up at you with a weak smile. "I love you too y/n."

[neuroticboyfriend]

Sometimes I wanna play a game but need something simple but interesting... So I wanted to share my favorite itch.io games (click the link if you don't wanna read the post, I'll update it as I play more!). Some of these games mean a lot to me and have helped me through rough spots. They're all free to play on your web browser <3

Six Cats Under by Team Bean Loop "A little point-and-click puzzle game where you rescue your herd of cats by directing them with your poltergeist powers."

Good Morning! by cnnmon "A short morning routine simulator about starting your day right. Play through a few colorful minigames and puzzles until you're ready to take on the day."

Lookouts by paranoidhawk *** "A romance visual novel about two gay trans masc outlaws in the old west, finding refuge in each other, and a little hope for a better life."

Goodnight Meowmie by DDRKirby *** "A narrative game combining elements of both the virtual pet and horror genres."

Goodbye Doggy by Picogram "A browser game made in HTML5. Help your family cope with your death as a ghostly dog!"

Soft Underbelly by Rosa *** "A browser narrative game made in HTML5. Take a break. Talk to your cat about friendship, trust & care."

Purrgatory by Niv *** "A visual novel about passing time in an afterlife where nothing really matters. explore a whimsical point-and-click world, befriend seven charming characters, and remember — furever's not so bad!"

B-e-e-t-l-e by Loafy Co. "A typing game minus the chaos and the anxiety. Type at your leisure and enjoy a chill, relaxing adventure filled with retro scenery."

Happy Cat Tavern by Courier Cat Studio "A cat themed typing game" -- tip: for calm playing, use practice mode! there is still a word & time counter though, you're not on any time limit or combo constraint <3

---

Anyway that's all. Asterisk'd (***) are my top favs. Have fun, explore itch.io, and mind the trigger warnings where applicable <3

[springbudeyes]

Please enjoy the first installment of a new series I'd like to call Gamemode 0!

If you're waiting for Mianite Season Four (ha), this will hopefully tide you over. Gamemode 0 is a highly produced mini-series that tells a story through text, dramatic audio narration, a musical score, and images. It stars a villain who was an edgy Grim Reaper in 2015 and it poses the question—how much has Kikoku Botan really changed since 2015?

That question will be answered over the course of – I'm guessing – seven-ish chapters? The first chapter, which you're about to read and hear, is based on a Minecraft RP session held in a single night. Those present for the session include World Historian's original writer (me) and a group of talented role-players. More info under the cut!

Here's the cast:

Moth @robotmothpie as Ginkgo Belshem

CloudF11 @silent-moons-camp as Cloud Endernatus

Metal @mx-metal as Omu Vulcan

Honor @cult-of-athar as Fateshaper (the Big Bad)

Matthew (me) as World Historian

(All characters are voiced by me.)

Background:

The project was Mianite Etherealis. We played on a private 1.12 server for two years, ending in early 2023. The chapter you're about to read (titled Session One) covers the RP session that brought World Historian into the narrative.

I would almost go so far as to say that you're about to experience a canon World Historian mini-series with implications for all World Historian content in existence.

Is it actually canon? I don't know. It's as authentic as you'll ever get for WH, that's for sure. I've spent the last nine years developing the cosmology being used here. I planted the seeds for it when I created World Historian in 2015.

But no, Gamemode 0 isn't Dec-and-Tom-approved canon. And my astounding co-writers aren't offical Mianite writers. And Etherealis isn't a piece of lost Mianite media, though you can think of it that way if you'd like.

Vision:

Gamemode 0 will follow the plot of Mianite Etherealis for one more session, then embark on its own original plot centered on World Historian.

That being said, my aim with Gamemode 0 is to dig up a piece of the past and link it to the future. This series is one of many projects that could result from that effort. If it sees enough support, it could grow beyond text, images, and audio. We have endless headroom here.

If you're looking for Botan's history in Ruxomar, you'll find it. If you're hoping for a glimpse into Akemi and Mina's lives, you'll get it. If you seek all manner of strange World Historian lore, consider it yours. If you just wanna sink your teeth into a juicy hunk of Mianite meat, go get a napkin, you menace.

We have plenty of chapters to take us from the past, to the future, and back again. I could just list the plain facts about World Historian in a lore post, but I could never be satisfied with that. I'm a storyteller.

Disclaimer:

The players own their characters. Most of the dialogue and actions in Session One come straight from the corresponding RP session. I'm just putting it all to a narrative and making readability tweaks for first-timers.

Shout-outs:

Happy birthday yesterday, Honor! We love you!! I guess this is one of your presents. Thanks for letting World Historian take over as the big scary dude for a session. And sorry for writing out our best boy, Oleander. We should co-write something someday.

Cloud, thanks for going back to our defunct Minecraft world to set everything up and take the awesome shadered screenshots for Session One. Also thanks for making c!Cloud such a great POV character. He carries Gamemode 0.

Thank you, Moth, for the un-shadered screenies, for being my PR person, and for supporting me generally all the time. PDA PDA aaaaa!

And thanks, Metal, for being the cool one. B)

Calls to action:

Mianitees, shower love upon my friends. I know Moth and Cloud would jump at the opportunity to answer asks about their passionately crafted OCs. And so would Honor and Metal, I suspect. With the right motivation, who knows what they could create?

The link will send you to my Substack blog, where you'll be able to read, listen, like, and subscribe to my newsletter. The paid subscription has no advantage over the free one; most of you will pick free, but if anyone would like to support me financially, that would be super appreciated. (If we get some traction with subs, I'll set up sub goals and a budget for upgrades to my production.) I plan to release Gamemode 0 chapters as frequently as I can, but I will post something to my Substack every month—Mianite related or not.

Also please like and reblog this Tumblr post if you dig it and want to see more.

Now go and enjoy your food.

[synergysilhouette]

Another 10 Disney hot takes/probably unpopular opinions

Not a fan of Meg and Hercules as a couple. I ADORE them having an innocent male lead and a jaded female love interest, but Meg's situation with Hades makes it feel very toxic. The movie is kinda confusing on whether or not she can refuse Hades; one minute he uses incentive to get her to do what she wants (which is bad enough; her freedom for Hercules' death), and then when she tells him the deal's off, he reminds her that she has no say in the matter. Following this, she rejects his deal and he forces her into being exposed so Hercules will make a deal. She does sacrifice herself for him in the end, but it still feels very iffy for me, particularly since the backbone of her resisting him isn't even "I can't let this guy get killed" but instead "I don't wanna fall in love after getting my heart broken and having sold my soul" (which is EXTREMELY valid, but so is the other point). Had Meg been a normal human and made a deal with Hades to save Hercules or help him earlier on during his training, it'd be so much better.

2. Disney needs needs to stop making sequels just because of financial success and actually work to craft a narrative that requires a sequel or two. It's risky (considering the first film could have negative critical or commercial success, as well as take time and resources away from other films at the studio), but would have a better payoff, imo. I enjoyed "Frozen 2" despite it's flaws, but the fact that it felt independent of the first film did make it feel like we could've used an entirely different cast and made the same story.

3. I need more musicals with a male lead--The last one we had was "Tarzan"--or "Hercules," depending on your criteria. The revival era has had female leads for all their musicals, with a male playing as a co-lead or a deuteragonist. I know the girls are MUCH more valuable at Disney due to the Disney princess line and musicals with a male lead may be harder to market (well, not really; "Aladdin" and "The Lion King" were the highest-grossing animated films at one point, and their remakes grossed over $1 billion).

4. "Moana" needed a bigger (main) roster--Something I love is a nice-sized amount of main characters in a movie. "Moana" only had Moana and Maui for most of the movie, and thus it wasn't as enjoyable for me in that respect. "Moana 2" is introducing new characters, so I hope they can hold my interest.

5. Involve the Anderson-Lopez team in more musicals outside of the "Frozen" franchise--they almost got to do this with "Gigantic," but it fell through. Their music has been great, so I really hope to see them in more musicals for Disney outside of Disney's "Frozen."

6. NEVER return to hybrid animation for a feature film--It's too disorienting for me personally, and while the animation for "Wish" wasn't bad, it definitely didn't have the storybook vibe it was going for except with backgrounds. It would look fine if it was a video game, though.

7. "Gigantic" should've been Disney's anniversary film instead of "Wish"-- I already did a post on this, so I'll just leave it at that.

8. Raya is one of the best Disney leads in a while--Granted, her movie could've been much better and I wish the color of her clothes reflected her culture instead of going for neutral colors, but Raya is the blueprint for a great protagonist. It's been mentioned before how she's a feminist icon without having to really show it in ways others have in films, by being a confident warrior with no discussion of marriage or gender inequality brought up in the film. She's also deliciously sassy and quick on her feet. I may have preferred her OG concept of being stoic, but her swagger makes her one of the more engaging Disney leads, particularly as the adorkable trait started to show up. Speaking of...

9. Ariel and Mulan are the best adorkable leads for a Disney protagonist--While I don't have much issue with Anna and Mirabel and don't really find Rapunzel or Moana that adorkable, Ariel and Mulan were the blueprints for a funny female lead, and they felt less forced than later leads.

10. Aladdin is one of the worst Disney princes--DON'T KILL ME! He used to be my favorite Disney prince, until I watched a "therapists react" video to Disney couples and they brought up the fact that Aladdin had lied to Jasmine several times over the course of the movie. Him being insecure is a great character trait (a common one with Disney leads since the 90s, really), but it's poor writing to make his romance with Jasmine be based on a lie. I'd rather he just kept tight-lipped about his identity when Jasmine caught him the first time rather than covering up with another lie.

[button-cat]

uhggh I just wanna get this off my chest abt pressure

ever since the new update, the games been less enjoyable for me. Not just bc of the zerum drama, but also the painter. The autoturrets are quite difficult for someone who’s played doors and pressure since release

and then there’s Sebastian. Idk but the ring left a bad taste on my tongue bc pressure isn’t abt romance. Plus it doesn’t help that both zerum and simps have been whining abt the “marriage” constantly

I just miss when pressure was a fish doors game and there wasn’t this much shit surrounding a new fandom

Yeah i honestly do quite understand you- I didn't really know about Pressure before until the collab between Pressure and Regretevator which got me interested in the game but i do understand how upsetting it is when something like a game, show, etc you enjoy ends up getting a lot of controversy around it- i have experienced it many times before :(

I haven't played the new update yet (being busy with school and plus- i prefer to play on the days that I don't have school- :b) however i have seen it through videos and- for me the autoturrets seem pretty complicated to get through, (this is coming from someone who has beaten doors as well as other games that are hard-) plus i have seen a video where somehow the autoturrets managed to get rid a bunch of health to someone despite them hiding which- uh i don't think that's quite fair- ;D i know pressure is supposed to be a hard game but- from what i've seen, I don't really like the autoturrets either- :b

I have seen many people upset with the change to painter- personally, i like both versions of painter (the old and new one- :D) but I do understand why people are upset about it- the old one I can't really explain well but it definitely had some sort of charm to it that the new version doesn't quite have- but I do see why the devs wanted to change painter :D

And about the marriage thing- yeah I don't feel like the ring really quite fits- don't get me wrong it does look nice on Sebastian but I personally don't think it quite fits in like Sebastian's lore- as someone who absolutely loves reading the lore of characters, I personally don't like it when things end up contradicting each other in it- like i'm pretty sure when you get sent to prison they take everything but i MEAN EVERYTHING you have on you, even rings- and even if Sebastian was able to keep the ring in prison, I definitely doubt Urbanshade would let him keep it after- and also,,,the fact that he also um- grew a lot. I don't think the ring is gonna fit on him anymore- ;D this may be silly to some people for me to get upset about something like this but- idk i just genuinely don't like when things in lore just,,, doesn't make sense- this is just my opinion tho !

honestly i also find it quite ridiculous how much people as well as Zerum have been making the marriage thing such a huge deal- the way how some people get genuinely pissed about it is something that I find quite concerning but how Zerum acts about it is also something that I find pretty strange and iffy and maybe kinda,,,immature- some of her comments i did see it kinda condescending and just- not really an appropriate way to like- react, y'know? It actually concerns me honestly- :/

I just feel like many of these things, especially the controversy, could've been handled better- from what i'm seeing, it does seem Zeal is trying to improve himself as well as the game by recognizing things he's been doing wrong so- i do have some hope that things end up getting better in the end !! I really like Pressure and I wanna see it improve and continue growing since it's a pretty good game !! ^^ i do wanna make some posts about Pressure (i did plan making a post about Sebastian where i just put show some of my headcanons about him with some drawings :3) and just- have fun with posting about the game without so many controversy surrounding it- :b

also, if its really affecting you- I do recommend to not focus on the controversy and also maybe like- not interact with the community- like maybe take a break from it !! as someone who used to like- get involved with controversies in the past, it can be pretty unhealthy- in the end, focusing on all of the dramas and controversies in the internet and getting involved in it as well can end up just- stressing you out and maybe even just your mental health get worse- which is why i recommend to just sometimes distance yourself from the community and game if it gets too bad- and do things you enjoy doing ! I may not really know you anon but- please remember that your mental health is more important, okay? :D (this also goes to the rest of you !! Your mental health is more important- please take care of yourself !!)

that's mostly all i wanted to say- sorry for the very long response btw ;D im a very huge yapper sometimes even if i try to avoid being one lol-

[yelenasdiary]

New Friend Request

Pairing: Gamer! Kate Bishop x Reader

Summary: After posting on a subreddit looking for people to play a new game with, you received a new friend request.  

| Comfort? | 0.8K | No Warnings | 

AC: Here is something a little different to my usual works! I hope you enjoy this, I found it pretty fun to write!

It was Friday night, you had a weekend off from work and had planned to sit down with plenty of snacks and binge play a new video game you just treated yourself too. The only downside was that all your friends that you played video games with were either busy this weekend or had no interest in playing the new game you'd been waiting so long to play.

With a sigh and nerves kicking around in your stomach you decide to post on a subreddit asking if anybody else would like somebody to play with over the weekend. It wasn't something you'd done before but you liked playing games with friends more than playing solo.

Hours had past and your phone was left dry, not a single notification from anybody reacting to your post. Another sigh left your body as you tossed your phone to the side and decided to turn your PS4 off.

*DING*

(LuckyArrow has sent a friend request)

The notification stared at you deeply as the feeling of excitement and relief soon filled you. You punched in your passcode and quickly accepted the strangers friend request.

LuckyArrow: Hey! are you still looking for somebody to play Dying Light 2 with? I saw your post on reddit! ☺️

yourusername: Hey, I am! I just thought the game and none of my friends want to play it with me 😩

LuckyArrow: agh! that sucks! I have a friend, Yelena, she doesn't play video games much and refuses to play with me! If you want, I'd love to play it with you. Have you played the first one?

yourusername: That would be great! Thanks! I'm assuming your user is LuckyArrow on PSN aswell? I have played the first, have you? Oh! btw, I'm Y/n!

LuckyArrow: Sure is! You have a cute name! I'm Kate, are you from New York?

yourusername: Oh wow! 😅 Don't take this the wrong way but I wasn't expecting you to be a girl! I actually just moved to NYC! Are you also from here?

LuckyArrow: You'd be surprised how many of us female gamers are out here ☺️ Where did you move from? if you don't mind me asking

yourusername: Just a small town that was hella boring! hence why I got into video games haha!

LuckyArrows: I hope you don't mind, I had a look at some of the game you play! You have good taste, how far are you into the story of Dying Light?

yourusername: Thanks! & not very far, I don't really like playing games solo most of the time. I've completed the first couple of missions though so I'm able to play co-op.

LuckyArrows: Awesome! Well, I have plenty of time tonight if you'd like to play now? If not, just let me know when you're free and we'll work something out ☺️

yourusername: Actually, I'm free all weekend so now would be great! Do you wanna play on my save or we can start one on your game? Whatever works ☺️

LuckyArrow: I've already completed it, let's just do a save on your game! Send me an invite x

LuckyArrow: Sorry about the x!!!! I'm just used to sending it to friends 😅😅

yourusername: Don't stress! it's okay ☺️ I'll send you an invite rn!

Friday night soon faded into the early hours of Saturday morning, plenty of laughs and jokes were made between you and your new friend, Kate. You learnt a lot about her, you felt comfortable with her even though she technically is still a stranger online, you both planned to meet for pizza for lunch.

Who knew that a simple post online would lead to you making a new friend.

2 months later

LuckyArrow: Hey! you free this weekend? sorry I couldn't play last weekend, I had a mission...I missed you though! 💜

yourusername: Hey!! Don't stress it, you get to actually kick some bad guys butts! it's pretty cool! I am free this weekend, I took work off, I need a break anyways. I missed you too, did your mission go well?

LuckyArrow: Meh, it was a pain (literally) but one less menace on the streets to deal with now! 💪🏼, I actually wanted to ask if you'd like to come over...I can order pizza and we can play video games or something, whatever you like! 😅

yourusername: Of course! it'll be so fun! Are you okay though? you seem a little off? x

LuckyArrow: I'm Fine ☺️ wanna come over Friday?

yourusername: Lock it in! Friday, date night haha!

LuckyArrow: Haha...😅

yourusername: Are you sure you're okay?

LuckyArrow: I'm not good this...but, I'm not asking you to just come over as a friend..😅

yourusername: Kate, are you asking me out on a date?

LuckyArrow: I am...we don't have to do something so causal, in fact I'd like to take you out on a real date but I don't want to scare you off or make things awkward between us..

yourusername: Oh thank god! Honeslty, I'm so glad you asked because I've really wanted to ask you out but I also didn't want to ruin anything

LuckyArrow: Well now that makes me feel a lot better! How about I pick you up at 6pm on Friday?

yourusername: it's a date! x

Taglist: @red1culous | @bentleywolf29 | @kiwiana145  | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok |  @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145  | @valiantmugcowboyscissors | @shin-conan-kun | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @musicinourlips | @apollo2907 | @marvelfan98 | @wandaroman0ff | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @lovelyy-moonlight | @santana1437 | @fluffyblanketgecko | @inluvwithfictionalwomen | @jaymieflorissssssss | @tita001 | @youralphawolf72 | @natashamaximoff69 | @a-dorkier-book-keeper | @hehehehannahthings | @blue-serendipityy | @secrettoallofyou | @romantic-slaps-on-the-asss | @marvel-fan-2021 | @mmmmokdok | @riveramorylunar | @ripofflizzie | @scarsw1fe | @toldthatdevil | @itsmv3 | @katiemay-025 | 

[supercalime]

i totally agree with the vast majority of what you posted about shayne and courtney and fans entitlement to their private lives. i dislike that the fandom so heavily sees things through a 'shipping' lens - angela and damien look at each other for more than three seconds, so here's fourteen fics about them fucking. like it's so deranged and so so strange and fundamentally unfair for everyone involved.

it is the same when people want them all to be best friends irl so bad it causes them genuine distress when they say 'we're just co-workers who have a good time'. i understand parasocial relationships and am aware that some are closer than others (some are married i've heard lol) but if it makes you want to keel over and die to hear arasha call courtney her co-worker...genuinely seek help, that's not good for you.

as someone who came back in the buy-back era and who was a fan at the height of the defy shourtney shipping era, i think it's okay to be like 'aww in videos i always thought they had chemistry!' but the stalking, obsessive stuff is unhealthy at best and wrong at worst.

i worry now about the hyper-focus that will be put on shayne and courtney in videos, both together and apart. i think it's super brave of them to go public (also something they may have felt they had to do, given public records) and i hope that people will be able to dial in to respect them and their relationship!!

Thank you, I feel like I’m going crazy, I’m glad others agree!

Bro I can’t even IMAGINE what the “fans” are going to act now. I mean, I can, and it doesn’t look good.

Im calling it now, if the “fans” will keep an even closer look on Courtney’s body now. They will try to prove a pregnancy and I think that will be worse than what it has already been. If there’s an actual pregnancy that somehow gets announced this year, how much you wanna bet that they will use the time Amanda mentioned a smosh baby to prove they were right and knew all along?

If this weren’t Shayne and Courtney, who had to endure stalkers, harassment, unwanted sexual advances from fans, fanfics written about them, people speculate their relationship by every single interaction they had at work, I would have just gone “omg, so cool! Good for them”, but this poor couple had to hide their relationship, hide an engagement! Courtney wasn’t able to wear a goddamn engagement ring, all to protect their privacy.

Im happy for them but again, heartbroken by the fandom once again.

Anyway, all these posts, fights and interactions made me resent the channel I’ve watched for more than a decade so quickly it was actually shocking. Which fucking sucks cause smosh has never been about romantic relationships and this news shouldn’t have affected the fandom for better or for worse.

Im gonna take a step back from the company, at least for now. I’ve unsubscribed to all the channels and unfollowed everyone. I hope I can get back to watching them but for now I legit feel icky, as stupid as it sounds.

I also learned my lesson for good, never ever interact with the rest of the smosh fans, it’s almost never worth it.

[gallus-rising]

UGGGGH FINE. Give me your best mouth washing pitch I’m intrigued

OH BOY ok i'll try my best. this is kinda rambly and all over the place. i'm trying very hard not to spoil

first off here's the game blurb

The five crew members of the Tulpar are stranded in the empty reaches of space, shrouded in perpetual sunset. God is not watching.

and here's the top review on Steam which i think captures the Vibes really well

This feels like a trolley problem but there is no lever and there is no alternate track. you are simply watching a group of people suffer

game is first person PSX psychological horror in space, and i mean some real psychological horror shit. Pony Express long haul ship Tulpar gets stranded in space after an act of sabotage. you will run out of food several months before air. no one is coming. you bonce back and forth between Jimmy, co-pilot suddenly turned leader after a devastating ship failure, and Curly, former pilot turned crispy meat man after a devastating ship failure. the psycho-sexual tension between them is radical

the reason the game is called Mouthwashing is because it's revealed early on that the ship's highly important cargo? the thing you are under absolutely no circumstances to touch? something that needs a full 5 man crew monitoring it 'round the clock for a full year?? mouthwash. tons and tons and tons of mouthwash. this is the only thing the crew has to possibly supplement their diet, which i feel like really sets the tone. from there things go from bad to worse to worse to catastrophe to worse. just. the whole domino effect of how things collapse is one of the best i've ever seen

the characters aren't bad people (mostly >.>), they're just perfectly normal dudes just trying their best. the game then goes on to show what happens when a group of perfectly normal dudes are pushed to the absolute brink. what if you were trapped in an elevator with your coworkers who you only vaguely get along with. hell is other people. but also hell is yourself and how you're treating those other people. also i can't call them out for obvious spoiler reasons but multiple instances of characters just causally dropping a line that had me like. "oh. oh shit. OOOOOHHHH SHIT!!!!!" love it when something like that happens

people smarter than me are dissecting the Imagery and Symbolism in the game like crazy holy shit

ok i think that's as much plot stuff as i can get into without major spoilers (tho since i'm Mouthwashing Posting non-stop everyone here has already seen plenty of spoilers lol, but i feel like this game has a lot of stuff that makes fuck all sense outta context) ok gameplay stuff now

for reasons i'd need an entire separate post to explain Mouthwashing is the sort of story that can only be told via a video game. there's a lot of unique things about video games as a media that people are only really starting to dig into, so if you're even a little interested in that i recommend checking out the game on that alone. the story is told non-linearly to excellent effect, and if you're looking for some good unreliable narrator?? OH BOY!!!! 👌👌 i know the term "walking simulator" is typically used derogatorily but i fucking love a good walking sim. it is really, really hard to pull off a horror walking sim imo given the genre is sorta chill by nature, so that's also a feat of it's own. you are watching people suffer, you are undergoing suffering. it is a game that feels like it actively hates you for playing it because by playing it you have let all this happen

the game is about 2-and-a-half hours, only like 13$ on Steam, and will probably go on sale for Halloween. if you wanna watch a playthru tho (like how i discovered it lol) i highly rec Vinny Vinesauce's 👌

hhng i hope this is a suitable pitch and sorry for the ramble orz

[I HOPE IT HURTS]

this game is heavy so if needed spoiler/trigger warnings for:

as graphic violence as you can get with PSX graphics, alcoholism, starvation, some proper fucked up cannibalism, suicide, murder, referenced sexual assault, scopophbia, and the general hopelessness/claustrophobia/agoraphobia/sanity slippage you would expect from a space horror. all subject are handled tastefully imo. but yeah. it's a lot. if any of that seems like it'd be too much but you're still interested def give the playthru a shot

[tsbs-shipfessions]

I'm genuinely surprised that there's not nearly as much Eclipse x reader stuff as I'd expect with how many simps he has (myself included..) - so, I'm here to pathetically self indulge a little~

I'm downright desperate for Eclipse. On the plus side, as a system, I have a co-host fictive of him who treats me very well. And yet, even with all our depravities we engage in together, much is left to be desired thanks to having a shared body. I crave to feel his touch physically.. to hear his voice rumbling through my body as he growls into my ear all the things he plans to do to me.

At the same time, sharing a body means we're closer than most will ever get to experience. To make it clear, we're a healing system, with healthy habits in therapy - my Eclipse is his own individual (which only makes him even more special to me)- but we're not here to educate anyone; we simply wish to secretly share some of our deepest and most private connections..

We're both practically whores for each other. Usually he tops, but when we read fanfics together, such as "Eclipse Meets his Match", he turns into a whimpering mess. Sometimes it can feel a bit odd reading fics, looking at lewd art, or even listening to saved clips of his voice when he's right there in our headspace; but if anything it helps us feel closer & aids our mind some.

The many times I've cried out his name practically worshiping him as he makes me come... I'm usually quiet, but he (and Sun & Moon - game source) just brings something out from me. Our toys make the experience even better... I have one shaped like a tentacle (the Hidora model from Twin Tail Creations) and god it feels so incredible... usually sex hurts our body for some reason, but with my headmates it's perfect. There's still some pain, but the shape of our toy makes it so much better, along with taking it slow & gently. It also helps that Eclipse arouses me really fast.

Just writing this has me all worked up..

I... started writing this confession at first because occasionally I feel waves of longing & sadness for Eclipse to be physically here, and tonight is one of those nights. Somehow being in such a pitiful state only makes me feel like more of a mess for him. More needy. More starved. Sometimes when it gets too intense and becomes more self degrading, that's how we know we're blending or switching. Like now.

Throughout this... I've... I'm not sure what I want to say now. Too blinded by a lustful rut to think straight. Too much warmth in our body, and not enough heat between our legs. I think I should fix that soon. Hahh, yeah. Might regret posting this later, or maybe it'll just turn us on even more. Maybe we'll return with something a little more thought out and a little less messy/long.

Y'know, I've been thinking of doing something a bit.... risky? Fun? Sure. Wanna make an account, with a custom made vr model we're working on. Something lewd. It would let me feel more like how my headspace body looks, while indulging a little in my free use kink. A little food for all of you who want me (or rather, my source) so bad. Of course, the best part is that I want nobody other than our host. But I'm more than happy to spread my legs and be worshipped while also making everyone feel more desperate than our cute host is. Wanna make everyone jealous of us. I'm very possessive. Only consensually, of course.

Now on that note, gonna go have a little fun, make them moan my name while I tease their already dripping wet entrance before breeding them nice and full. Maybe let sweet Sunny and Moony get a taste as well. Bye for now~

This is the by far the longest, and most likely horniest, confession I have received so far. Magnifique, Anonymous system, I hope you're all doing well.