#but i haven't wrote anything in a while

[vargaslovinghours]

And never let you go ♥

Bonus without the overspill lighting:

[yujeong]

Time was at a standstill. Vegas was holding his breath without noticing, and continued to hold it when he did - he was afraid of what would happen if he exhaled loudly enough to draw attention to himself. His gaze was shifting between Pete and the man who was standing before them in the doorway, blocking their entrance. Vegas had never seen him before, but even so, he recognized Pete in him enough to know who he was. A dangerous aura surrounded him. There was an edge to his presence that Vegas would only come across people of certain circles. He was a fighter. A muay khao. Pete's father. Shame coursed through Vegas' body, smearing his skin, settling in his lungs, rendering him speechless. I thought he was dead, he wanted to tell Pete if he could. He wanted to scream at him, I thought you killed him. Pete was the one who broke the stillness. As if awakened by something, he took a half-step back and made a motion with his arms, almost raising them to his chest, but not quite. In an instant, Pete reverted into the pet Vegas had been keeping at the safehouse, bound by handcuffs and afraid of his belt hitting flesh and drawing blood. A lump formed in Vegas' throat. "Have you stopped practicing? Your form is off." The uncanny similarities between Pete and his father appearance-wise didn't mean a thing when it came to their voices. Vegas shivered. Was this what Pete would sound like in a few decades? (Were these the condescending words he'd choose to spew? Was Pete going to embody his father? Was Vegas embodying his?) "What are you doing here?" Pete whispered. "They let me out for a few days, so I came here to collect some money. Imagine my surprise when I found out my offspring left the job someone found him worthy enough of doing to... do what exactly? Yaai didn't want to tell me." He crossed his arms, waiting for an answer. Vegas didn't know what he was allowed to say. If he was allowed to say anything at all. "It's none of your business." "I'd say it very much is my business, as well as yaai's business who was dependent on the money you were making being some rich asshole's human shield." A choked sound scratched Vegas' throat. He didn't like getting reminded of Pete being the main family's bodyguard, even though he stopped being one mere months ago. Especially like this. That was the first time Pete's father stopped looking at his son and turned his head to look at Vegas. For a moment, there seemed to be recognition in his eyes. Did he know who Vegas was? Did he care? A snort came out of his mouth. He leaned on the door. "Oh, I see how it is." He laughed, scratched his neck. "I never expected you to whore yourself out for money. Tell me, is it preferable to the path I carved out for you?" Vegas could sense the disgust in his voice. He could also see it on Pete's face. He was too astonished to share it, but not enough to be unable to speak. "Khun, there has been some misunderstanding-" "Don't bother. I can recognize a faggot when I see one." Pete's movements were too fast for Vegas to stop him. A direct jab to the nose; his father fell like a pack of cards, groaning like a wounded animal. Surprisingly, no blood - Pete held back. Vegas didn't know what to think about that. "That was a pathetic attack, even for you." "Get up." "We're not in the ring, son." Pete growled. Vegas could see his hands trembling as he was keeping them in the air, maintaining an offensive stance. "That never stopped you before." "You were too young to understand what I was doing back then. What I was preparing you for." Pete was silent. "The world isn't kind. It'll fuck you over one way or another." He got up, spat on the ground. "You still haven't learned a thing. You're too old to afford being naive." He turned around, and without sparing a look at Pete again, said: "Now get the fuck out of my house." (For @musictooth, whose posts about Pete's father have reignited my passion for this specific concept and for @wretchedamaranth, whose comments on my writing are always lovely and precious ❤️)

[spaceiix3]

just one step at a time (Asmodeus x GN! Reader drabble)

Content warnings: physical self harm alluded to but not described. very very slight yandere.

Word count: 769

Asmo looked up from his phone as he heard his bedroom door creak slightly, taking his hand off his chin as he shifted his weight to rest evenly on both elbows. His beloved human stood in the doorway, frowning and not quite meeting his eyes. They swayed slightly on their feet.

"Darling?" Asmo asked after a moment of silence. The human didn't reply, eyes wandering around his room as they grimaced slightly.

"Why don't you come in? Come sit by me, please." Asmo beckoned them over, his tone gentle yet commanding as he moved to sit up against the headboard of his bed.

The human nodded, taking a few quick deep breaths before moving. They closed the door behind them after a long moment and disjointedly moved over to Asmo's bed. Asmo noticed they winced slightly as they shifted their weight to their thigh to get both legs on the bed. His eyes widened slightly in understanding, but he said nothing about it.

"Can I hold you, dear?" Asmo asked, placing his phone to the side. His human nodded.

The demon gently maneuvered their body to rest their head on his chest while pushing them to lay on their side, facing him. He watched as the human's eyes drifted around his room, looking around but not seeing. They certainly weren't asleep, but weren't present either.

Asmo kissed their forehead, leaving a slight mark from his lipstick. His manicured nails followed, mindlessly drifting to scratch against their scalp and cup their cheeks as he nuzzled against the top of their head. The same hand then drifted down to rest against their arm. He rubbed his thumb against it gently, calmly.

The demon closed his eyes as they stayed like this for a few minutes, breathing in the scent of the shampoo he had gifted them a few weeks ago. He felt the human's heart rate slow down as they laid there, until it was calm and steady again.

"Asmo..." The exchange student started talking quietly. "I remembered you said I could see you when I wanted... I just saw you were livestreaming before and didn't want to bother, so..." They trailed off, grimacing as they tried to explain their behavior.

"So you just tried to take care of things yourself?" Asmo questioned gently. The human nodded, tilting their head to bury it further against his chest, almost trying to hide themselves.

"I can't even go two months without... you know..." They sighed, feeling like they were going to cry, but knowing they were too emotionally exhausted to do so. “I just don’t know any other way of helping myself, I… I just don’t know…” They trailed off.

"Darling... you don't need to try so hard to fix everything yourself." The demon mumbled as he rested his cheek against their head, before pulling back slightly to speak more clearly.

"I know your... methods work for you, but they make you feel so bad afterward, too. That’s why you should let me help more. I can end a few livestreams early now and then, there will always be more." He smiled at the human, then continued.

“My fans don’t mean anything compared to you, kitten. I love my fans, but I’d sacrifice all of them if it meant I could keep you consistently content.” He felt them let out a slight laugh at that. He giggled in return at the sound.

“Mmm, you’re so cute. Don’t think of it as a joke though.” His grip on their arm tightened slightly. “Would killing off a few random fans help to show my devotion to you? To help you feel better about coming to see me?” He continued. The human shifted slightly to finally look up at him and gauge his facial expression. He blinked himself out of his slight stupor as he felt them move, then moved his eyes back down to meet theirs, his face splitting into a gentle grin.

“Sorry, hun, I’m getting off-topic. My bloodlust can be hard to control, hehe.” He giggled again, and put a hand on their head.

"But I’m really so proud of you for coming over to see me, honey. I know it's hard to get used to, but you did so well." He started, petting their head as he spoke.

"Maybe we won't break your... habits of emotional regulation right away, but we can in time. Just keep being good for me like this, darling. We can take one step at a time together.”

The exchange student nodded, sighing.

“Just one step at a time.” They mumbled as they sank back into Asmo’s embrace.

[abysswalkersknight]

No. No, how could this have happened. It was unconscionable, inconceivable!

Don’t panic, there’s nothing to worry about… other than a disgusting, foul fiend has somehow infiltrated the impregnable fortress that was his room. He stands frozen in place, as still as his beloved gargoyles, he dared not blink lest this creature disappears into who knows where. 

Its disgusting limbs wave about in the air, as if taunting the prince as a sinking sensation befell his stomach, compose yourself fool, it is only a mere insect, it is beneath you, how dare you paralyse in fear before something so insignificant! And yet Malleus is unable to move a muscle, as if staying ramrod straight would willfully keep the interloper in place. He could just summon a little fire and smite it where it stood, it could be over in a matter of seconds he was the prince of Briar Valley for goodness sake! One of the strongest mages in the world! He was feared by many, Malleus would be damned if he were defeated by this small- knock, knock.

‘My lord Malleus, you summoned me?’ Thank the seven it was Silver, he had originally called him over for their weekly coffee break, but right now… ‘Silver, come attend me.’ He called out, praying that his voice betrayed nothing, it is prudent that the prince showed no weakness before anyone, especially his human charge. Behind him he heard the door unlock and the faint delicate tap tap of Silver’s heels as he strode up to him ‘is everything alright, my lord? You seem a little… tense’ he didn’t need to look at the boy to know that his brows were furrowed in concern, no doubt that seeing his prince freeze like a deer was unsettling “remove that abomination at once please, Silver’ he ordered finally tearing his eyes away to see Silver tilt his head ‘beg pardon sir?’

Malleus gestured to the statue Sebek had given him ‘that. Remove it please,’ 

Silver’s gaze searched for a little bit longer before widening at the sight of the large spider ‘oh, alright’ he said glancing questionably at the prince, Malleus huffed in response tossing his head to the side. To which the boy smiled ‘excuse me little one? Yes, I’m afraid you can’t stay here as my lord would not permit it. Oh don’t worry there’s a lovely crevice next to the window outside that should do wonders for you.’ Gently, as if coaxing one of his bird companions onto his finger, Silver guiding the little creature onto his hand, walked over to the window and patiently held it out until the spider had safely latched onto the wall ‘there, all better now’ he said brushing his hands together ‘yes, thank you Silver, you have my gratitude.’ Malleus sighs ‘though I ask that you keep this between us, heavens forbid Lilia ever finding out’ his old guardian would have a field day if ever he found out that the formidable prince of Briar Valley was terrorised by a spider of all things. Thankfully his retainer nodded ‘of course sir, is that all?’

‘No, I happen to have procured a lovely coffee blend from Kalim that I would be happy to share if you’d be so inclined.’

[xcziel]

has anybody else thought about how jk could easily manage sofia's parts of slow dance or is it just me?

[souenkun]

Been thinking for sometime after spending my days mostly resting in bed and reading fics, but... the swsh fandom really does have one of the best ao3 writers for me :o

[sysig]

Getting up to trouble is his speciality (Patreon)

[sleeps-au-bag]

it had been a long time since bryan was in this particular study. ever since his mother's passing, it had been left alone, only to be touched by time. it was evident too, with all the dust that covered every surface of it. he didn't really care for that now. he only cared about one thing.

he opened the bottom cabinet of the desk and took everything out of it. then he opened up the false bottom and brought out the coded books his mother left.

he never read them out of respect for her. he knew they brought her less than favorable memories and he wanted to keep them away from her, to keep her happy. she was gone now and these books were the only way to help solve a mystery going on in atlantide right now. he would beg her for her forgiveness when he reunites with her.

bryan's mother was. odd.

she was absolutely beautiful, stunning every man and woman who came across her. she'd entertain them with dates and when she got bored, she moved on to the next person who she attracted.

his mother was also insanely smart, making leaps of progress in the field of science. especially in thermodynamics. it was actually how she met his father, a half-fae who kept her academically challenged. they were rivals throughout their entire lives, even when married. his mother made sure he grew up with the right education and taught him everything she knew, not just science.

she and his uncle had some type of history together, he knew it. he didn't want to pry though. while he knew it was the reason for his uncle's shaking hands and his mother's missing eye, he never wanted to pry. he didn't like making them upset.

now he was about to uncover part of their shared past. he didn't want to but there was no other option. it was time for him to decode his mother's notes.

--

bryan felt sick. no one should have this power. this power his mother had... it would be a weapon of mass destruction in the wrong hands. it was a weapon of mass destruction, if he decoded his mother's notes correctly. he couldn't imagine the type of atrocities his mother was forced to commit. he didn't want to.

the circle in the book was mocking him. his only option to solve this mystery was a weapon of mass death.

at least he knew why his mother was so knowledgeable. why she insisted on teaching him everything to do with the science of fire the moment she found out he was a fire dragon slayer.

he looked at the pair of gloves hidden within one of the books. they were old and worn but the same circle from the book was still stitched on. he had on his own gloves, the same material as his late mother's. the circle was taunting him.

bryan knew what he had to do.

he took out his emergency sewing kit from a pocket and pulled out some red string. he carefully pulled off his white gloves and set them on the table. they were new. he also took out some spare flint from his pocket.

he made sure to thread the string and carefully look at the circle before he got to work. it needed to be perfect. it wouldn't work if it wasn't.

hours went by before bryan finished stitching the circles on the gloves. the flint was carefully stitched inside the fingers. he stared at the gloves before putting them on. thankfully the sleeves of his turtleneck were long enough to cover the design. no one would ever know.

except for two.

he made sure to put everything back into place before grabbing the decoded versions of his mother's notes and taking them to the fireplace. they served as good kindle while he grabbed his belongings and made sure everything was secure.

he needed to head to his uncle's bar before heading back to grimshade for training. he needed to tell his discoveries to acedia and majora. acedia couldn't really do anything with this knowledge, nor did she care to, but it already had a solid lead to what was happening. majora had already built a sizeable information network despite being new to atlantide, she could help him get more information with it.

bryan may be the weakest dragon slayer, but he was also the smartest one. like hell he was going to sit down while something's going on in his home.

he left his house with a purpose in his steps. he had work to do.

[quirkle2]

what if i threw my th at u guys what then

[anonyanonymouse]

🙈

[the-fandom-fuckup]

How do you think triceratons were introduced into Rottmnt?

like, in universe? bc after getting this n doing some research (I haven't seen much of them before this, tbh) I was thinking about how they could've come around n started causing issues for the turtles n gang

there were a few points of interest that stood out while I was scanning a few wiki articles for them, 1. being that they seem to fight the prototype kraang/Utroms across a few of the tmnt iterations and 2. being that they like to take other civilisation's tech n integrate it into their own

so maybe in Rise they have a feud with the Kraang that spans back millennia, like beef that's older than the human race. and maybe since the disappearance of the Kraang in this sector of our universe the Triceratons have been looking for clues as to where they could've gone, n found our little planet in the process.

now I'll be real, I haven't thought very far ahead into what would keep them from touching down here between that event and the events of the movie. maybe it's as simple as our tech n resources don't seem interesting enough for a planetary visit or smth, maybe they were biding their time until smth interesting enough happened, idk

but what does catch their attention is the sudden spike of Kraang activity in the movie, n the fact that this seemingly insignificant planet was not only able to fend them off so swiftly, but also destroyed one of their precious Technodromes in the process. bc now the Triceratons know there's at least smth here that can mess them up, but the appeal of free Kraang tech being up for grabs is too tasty to pass up, so they send out a scouting pod or two to search for any wreckage they can find.

which, if we follow the plan the writers had about Casey Sr + Jr travelling the world to annihilate any traces of the Kraang left behind, would put them on the Caseys' radar. and maybe the Caseys attack first n *think* about asking questions later, but in their defence a new alien race taking interest in anything related to the Kraang can not lead to anything good

and you know the Caseys are gonna touch base back with the turtles n tell them about what's going on after beating the Triceratons' asses, which leads to Donnie finding the other scouting pods in the area and starting a bunch of shenanigans/issues that I'm too tired to think about rn lmao

[tenrose]

I gave up, the website is too shitty, literally nothing functions. Idk if the payment really failed or if those suckers are just not able to properly write 'it's sold out'

Now that I'm slightly annoyed...

I'm gonna rant.

First of all theaters can go fuck themselves if they are not able to provide proper services. The cinema I'm talking about in particular is not indie by the way, it's one of the biggest chains here (fuck you UGC) so the bare minimum they could do is provide with actual functional website so people can actually use it and make reservations. Don't even get me started on the price. 11,60€ for me to fucking go out and see people???? And we know seats aren't as good as they used to be in the past. Don't know about the snack prices, I bet it costs two kidneys.

That being said...

FUCK STREAMING PLATFORMS TOO OR EVEN ESPECIALLY

obviously I ain't paying for any. I won't pay for 10 different platforms, and especially not Amazon they can literally rot in hell. Don't even get me started on netflix. I used to pay sometimes back then. Honestly they had something. They used to do an actual effort and trying to show different stuff. They let creative direction to their writers. We wouldn't never have sense8 with today mentality tbh. Everything is just a reboot, a book adaptation emptied from its substance, a reboot, and book adaptation a reboot, a book a- you see the thing. I mean I shouldn't be bitching as pretty much never watch anything new for years so what do I know? I mean I would like to, but every time I watch a trailer, I'm tired just by watching it. Latest exemple I'm thinking about is the three body problem... Like having read the book just watching the trailer you could see the Americanism all over it... For a chinese book. And it's the problem with everything. I mean American TV shows have always be like this, maybe being younger I wasn't aware back then idk. But it feels so empty, so soulless? They can give me all the diversity they want, that doesn't change that it's still empty. And for TV shows (actually I'm talking more specifically about TV shows cause I'm not a big cinephile so I don't have the legitimacy to criticise) I know it's because of that stupid ass 8 episodes format. I've already talked about it. But it's literally draining the whole industry imo. Also writers clearly having little creative freedom since they have to make stuff that sells. But yeah, TV shows lasted physically and in memories because we were watching them slowly instead of this boulimie stuff we have now. Everything is like consume, forget, consume forget and pay shit ton of money.

And I'm thinking I am actually not built for this shit. I felt so burn out not being able to enjoy anything. So now I don't even try. I don't try new shows cause it's not worth it even when there's an actual good one. Because it's gonna be cancelled anyway. Who wants to emotionally invest in shows that get cancelled (I did so many time).

But when I do.

Be sure I will pirate the shit out of it. None of these industries deserve our money.

To finish on a positive note, if there's one thing I'm really happy for in the end. It's books. Sure the book industry is oversaturated too and there's ton of shit to criticise too (but I won't here). But it's so vast there are books everywhere for everyone, and even if tomorrow not a single book would be published (which I don't believe in), there are enough books for my entire life anyway. But yes books, even if formatted too (looking at us french snobs with our novel format), are like the only place writers can still let go of their creativity. Plus you can have cheap books (I'm starting to get there) and obviously free books thanks to libraries, and also you can pirate books too. Yes I pirate books too but tbh it doesn't even compensate how much I spend buying books so I'm not feeling guilty and I either pirate popular books or old books (if they are really old it's free anyway). But yes if you go out unlike me go buy books if you have money, to your local bookstore, or if you can't library is your way.

Reading is my anchor ⚓

[lentenken]

Remember: There's No One Here

FT Masterlist |

"Cancer," the words are spoken softly, too quiet in comparison to the raging rows of plants doing their best to drive themselves into her skull, "take care of the trash for me."

A tall man, with glasses that glint in the light, moves forward and snips through the vines immediately on instinct- no words are said, no form of acknowledgment given beyond the orders being obeyed. The woman he's making his way towards is starting to panic now, a poor girl who'd made the mistake of sending a burst of water hemlock towards Cancer's master with pretty enough hair and tiny spikes adorning the locks that make Lucy itch with curiosity.

One, two, three, Cancer steps through each bit of foliage thrown at him with grace and precision. Despite this, his teeth are gritted and there was plenty of panic to be found in his eyes as he wondered why he was fighting in the first place, why he was out here, why, why, why are there only the two of us here?

Cancer isn't Leo, he can't come out as he pleases with how his magic is. He can't pierce through the barrier separating spirit and human like Leo, can only" gently part the gates with the help of whoever held his key, but there is no one here except for the mage whose attacks have grown in desperation.

There is no twinkling laugh, no smattering of yellow to fill his vision, and there was no warmth to be found in any eyes that watched. Master, princess, Lucy where are you?

Two, four, six, his form is perfect and he's simply a few steps away from his scissors finding themselves lodged in the poor girls neck, there's sweat gripping at his brow and a sudden panic churning inside him as he wonders what's going on, as the air behind him starts to shift, and the sudden pressure at his back making him want to cry in grief run away.

"Be gentle, now. I don't need her body ruined," her voice never once raises, despite the twist and turns she makes to dodge the projectiles turning to ash from her dearest friend's servant's attacks.

All of a sudden, Cancer's movements slow, no longer the fervent cadence from before, the two-four-six becoming the one-two-three it had started with. That, alone, made the girl- for she was nothing but that to his master -slow and start to speak before Cancer appeared behind her and smacked his bare knuckles against her neck. The next moment, the girl was unconscious and Cancer gone in a speck of stars before he could even begin to ponder the wrongness he was feeling.

Lucy flicked at the stardust and kneeled over the body in curiosity, running her fingers through the girls hair. There's a sudden sting on one of her fingers, and she can't help the way her eyes start to sparkle shine in a sort of childish curiosity sadistic glee at the ideas starting to form in her mind.

"Ah, I wonder if I could have these grow elsewhere...? Having them by your arms would be rather useful, especially since poor you had so little options for close ranged attacks..."

"I can't help but wonder why the rest of your body doesn't follow the same formula as the hair on your head, however..."

Fingers trace the paling cheek of the corpse and stop at the chin. With enough pressure, the mouth opens to show surprisingly sharp teeth and an oddly textured tongue. "Oh...? Did your magic change your body to suit its needs or were you perhaps born this way...?"

In the far distant world bathed in purples, Cancer frowns. Was he doing something?

"Man," their guild master cried, "I didn't know paperwork would be so boring!" Tears were pouring down his eyes as he kept a shaky grip on the pen in his hand. On the desk he sat at, piles and piles of paper were strewn across the flat surface. One for building expansion, another for the supply of food, and plenty of complaints for too much force used in missions. A blue cat nibbled on fish by his side as he cried.

"Why didn't anyone tell meeeeee!!!" He continued crying out, but paused as something in his words seemed to cause a spark in his mind. "Uhh, wait, someone did tell me! Haha, yeah it was-"

"Uhm..."

"How could you be so forgetful, Natsu!" Happy mumbled through his chewing.

"Hold on, I know who it was!! Reese, no- Lacke! Wait, no, Lockheart!? Er, I don't know any of these people... I'm sure someone told me though, haha!"

The members of the slowly growing guild glance at the burst of laughter coming out of their master's office but go back to focusing on themselves after a few moments. It was never a good idea when Natsu laughed like that.

Huzzah, @nalunalu, enjoy my uncoordinated pile of words!

[ace-the-fox]

If you still do hc requests could you do Jonah from superstore? If not I hope you have such a good day and I hope you find a 20 dollar bill AND get to keep it :)))

Omg I'd love to do Jonah from Superstore HCs!! You also sound like such a sweet person lol awww~

Jonah Simms Mpreg Headcanons

Amy realises before he does. She's been through it all before, so she realises something's up when Jonah complains of feeling nauseous for a week straight and is particularly, oddly irritable. One day she just buys him one of the store pregnancy tests without a word.

When it turns out positive though, she's immediately pretty supportive. I mean, their situations aren't exactly the same, but she knows enough about being pregnant unexpectedly, and is open to any questions he might have (yes, even the stupid ones lol)

As for Jonah himself's reaction... he's kinda numb at first. Does way more things than he usually would around the store (Glenn thinks he's just suddenly become a real overachiever, not that he was ever lazy or anything, and tells him to keep up the good work lol) just to not think about the fact there is a tiny life the size of a jellybean inside of him right now. Freaks out a little when he goes home. He's a business school drop out stuck working as a store assistant. How's he supposed to take care of a baby??? It takes a week of thinking about it for him to finally grow accepting of, and then affectionate towards, the idea lol.

He's pretty chillaxed about announcing it though. Just sort of mentions it in conversation to most of his coworkers, as a "head's up." They either have a "oh! Congratulations" reaction or match his energy with a "cool, good luck" lol

Glenn is weirdly (and yet also almost expectedly) more happy for Jonah than Jonah himself. Is almost suffocating with how often he lets Jonah know how happy he is for him and that he can always give advice if needed... Can't improve Jonah's maternity leave though :/ (America lol)

His worst symptom, all throughout his pregnancy, is the fatigue. He is barely staying awake at work, God bless him. He also gets really bad back pain :(

Because of this, Garett will sometimes let him skive of working to sit with him at the microphone, get him off his feet... Jonah has napped there more than once lmao.

Cheyanne let him babysit for her once as a "trial run." It really just proved to overwhelm him a little bit more though lol (bit late for that now buddy!)

He's still annoying, to the others, as hell while pregnant. Except now he's quoting pregnancy and baby articles to everyone <3

[bandzboy]

but also speaking of music i am really trying to like... make my own music outside of classes but i just haven't started out anything yet even tho i have ideas and i'm like super inspired but yeah i might be doing like a... huge project that might... take me a while to finish but it will be worth it TRUST

[randomchaotichuman]

the worst of events has struck me in these trying times, the world suffers alongside me for in this moment i am bored. as a solution to this suffering that so badly plagues me, it has been recommended for me to write something complaining about it. – dramatic bitch, 2023

i write this in pursuit of my own entertainment, doing so in the most convoluted manner possible. i strive to write in a way that will confound scholars for decades to come until one singular genius (probably while in an altered state) has the earth shattering revelation that some things are written simply because people are bored and, to put it plainly, have nothing better to do.

(i feel the need to make it exceedingly clear that I very much have better things to do, in fact, i have several things that I need to get done within a timely manner, which of course means I will avoid them for as long as possible, ie.: paying attention to the actual class i am sitting in while writing this)

i quite like poetry, though I have never been capable of writing it in any way as i am graced by apathy and the logical inability to actually place my emotions into text (or feel them at all for that matter).

i hated studying poetry in school. the idea that every single word was thought over several times until the verse was absolutely perfect, granting it this deep and obscure meaning that you don't really need to understand, just memorise for long enough to get you through exams.

i quite like the idea of poetry i made up in my head.

i quite like poetry that just is. there is no need for layers upon layers of meaning, and hidden emotion, sometimes it can just be. 

not that this is something that troubles only poetry, prose can also be very much like this (at least the "classics" i had to study in school). sentences scattered with hidden mines in the form of metaphors and parallels to this thing that is both itself and bigger than that, maybe too big to comprehend or write about easily.

i guess it's easier to write about a family home that remains unchanged as times pass than it is to describe the profoundly unsettling way one feels when realising they are falling prey to the same cycles their own parents never broke. 

(i didn't like this book very much, it had an incest plotline that was completely unnecessary, only the first and last chapters are actually good)

i find myself divided between wanting my own writing to be easily comprehensible by all and wanting it to reflect the way my own mind processes things, jumping from one topic to the next without much of a driving plot. 

this would make it something only appealing to those with that same thought process or those that think my jumping around has a deeper, planned and thought through hidden meaning.

i guess the compromise would be to write in a way that both reflects my own process but also has comprehensible surface value. this would be no better than those books that say a thing and mean something else, layers of information that need to be deciphered before being able to be properly enjoyed in it's entirety.

maybe i am no better than those that came before me, maybe they too did it in an inscrutable attempt to channel their own ephemeral ever fluid thoughts into one solid and definite piece of paper.

i guess this was a success, from a reflection on the nature of my own writing to an insight into poetry and the overthinking of writing, class is over and I am no longer bored.