#but i have to quit soon i just have to
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Can't even enjoy today because it's my last day off before going back to work an I am so distressingly sad about having to go back that I have literally been on the verge of throwing up all morning.
#chit chat#work stuff#literally making myself sick over the thought of going back fucking hell#and im going back on a friday! i just have to make it through one (1) day and then i get two more days off#i wish I'd quit in february or may or august like I'd planned#i can't quit NOW there's too many fucking things#but i have to quit soon i just have to#I've made a checklist of things that have to get done before i can quit. and once everything is checked it's sayonara assholes.#i just have to get to a point where i can stably go sayonara assholes without coming back in 2 months being like plz...i need money...
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trying to remember how i draw them...
#bepouverse#batman#the joker#batjokes#bruce wayne#cw blood#< just in case#i havent been able to draw lately#i quit my job so now i have time LOL#i promise I read my ask box#ill reply sometime soon#just trying to get my life together rn#bepouart#ty goodbye#described
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Side B
#this was such a short moment so I don’t know how coherent the gifs are but#look at this shit! Crystal FOCUS think about all the exposition you’re missing out on#[adele voice] we could have had it all…#I just!!! I really really wonder how things would’ve turned out if Charles hadn’t been simping quite that hard right out the gate#dead boy detectives#dbda#niko sasaki#crystal palace#yuyu kitamura#kassius nelson#my gifs#also. also when was anyone going to tell me that gifs look absolutely dogshit on tumblr mobile#l only ever use the app so I realised pretty soon that hmm. this is Not what they're supposed to look like!#pulled out my laptop to cross-check and yeah sure enough. looks just fine.#I’m so sorry gifmakers all these years and I never knew
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today, my coworkers’ refusal to see me as a man put one of our patients in a position where they felt unsafe for the third time. i’ve been at this job for less than two months total. i don’t even care about getting misgendered anymore, i just want the people we’re supposed to be taking care of to feel comfortable around me.
i work at a hospital where we have to supervise our patients in a lot of vulnerable situations. there are safeguarding rules in place for certain things that male employees aren’t allowed to be present for when it comes to female patients. and yet, the people training me and telling me what to do have repeatedly put me in situations where i’ve been forced to do things that the female patients aren’t comfortable with me doing. and because they have repeatedly failed to teach me the rules for doing my job as a man, i have no way of knowing when i’m crossing one of those lines unless one of the patients tells me.
i’ve had to watch a victim of SA stare at me in abject terror as my coworkers asked her to strip naked with me still in the room. it took several minutes for her to even be able to speak enough to ask if i could leave the room. i found out after that she broke down crying the moment i walked out. my biggest regret is that i didn’t realize what was happening fast enough to leave before she ever had to say something, because she shouldn’t have had to say it. i never should’ve been allowed in the room in the first place, because that’s not something male employees are supposed to be present for. but i didn’t know that yet, because i was training and i thought surely, they wouldn’t train me to do something that directly violated their own safeguarding rules. that moment was the first time, and it’s haunted me ever since, but it wasn’t the last time. not only did it happen for the third time today — it almost happened for the fourth, and would have if someone hadn’t spoken up to say they should pick someone else. i care for these people so deeply, it’s why i took this job, and i’m so tired of hearing the fear in their voices when they have to ask me not to do something i never should’ve been told to do.
i’m very used to the personal discomfort of being misgendered. i willingly deal with it a lot at work as well as in other situations, not because i’m in the closet (at this point in my medical transition that would be impossible), but because it’s such a frequent occurrence with my coworkers that we would never get anything done if i took the time to correct them every time. but to see it get to the point of causing such visceral discomfort in other people? people i’m supposed to be taking care of and keeping safe? that’s something else entirely, and i’m fucking exhausted.
and after all of that, some of them still look at me like i have two heads when they tell me what to do and i say “i can’t do that, only female employees can” because i’m learning now. clearly i’m already seen as a man by our patients, but my coworkers would still rather put them in an unsafe situation than just train me as a man.
#to be clear it’s four different things they’ve asked me to do that im not supposed to#as soon as i find out about one rule they ask me to violate a different one that i didn’t know about#i will never ever forget that girl’s face and i’ll never stop being angry for her#for all three of them but especially her#i hate my coworkers for a million different reasons#the patients are the only reason i didn’t quit this job after the first day#i just want to do right by them and sometimes it feels like i’m the only one working there who does#it kills me because the patients who know im trans have been so great about it too#most of them know nothing about trans people but they’re so willing to learn and so respectful and we’ve had such great conversations#they’re getting fucked over by someone else’s transphobia when they themselves don’t have a single transphobic bone in their bodies#i hate this place because i care about the people in it too much to stand by the way it treats them and it’s killing me#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia
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#bahhhhhhhhhh I’m just obsessed with them🥺#I’m going to post my next chapter tomorrow this is my promise to myself#it’s literally written !!!!!!!!!! but even though I *know* where I’m having the plot go etc etc#I just want to think a bit more and make sure how I’m portraying everytbing/the scenes I include are moving the story in the right direction#maybe it would have been easier for me if I just followed the game plot#but I HAD to go and add mythology and intrigue and angst and change it completely🥲#I’m also introducing a new character I’m SO excited for bc he’s so awful🥹🥹🥹 and I’ll draw him soon I think#well now I’m going to find a way to add a scene like this drawing in the future🥰🥰🥰#bc right now they only exist happily in my imagination and this art😆😆😆#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart#sebastian sallow x mc#also I literally LOVE Eloise’s hair when it’s down#but a) she finds it scandalous bc of her time spent with muggles#and b) I the artist am quite lazy and it takes FOREVER to draw it like this bc I don’t actually know how to draw curly hair
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hey btw before you start being angry at the 10 year old sephora kids and the ipad kids, remember that we should feel bad for them. because the world has failed them. it is not these kids faults that the world is so focused on materialistic things and that their parents don't know how to talk to them. that is the fault of social media and bad parenting. i said what i said.
#luc posts#like i genuinely feel so bad for the ipad and sephora kids bc they just... didn't get on childhood#they were raised on false beauty standards and having a screen shoved in their faces & i think that we as a society need to reflect on that#like i am quite serious when i say that it is unrestricted internet access and generational trauma that have caused this#seeing those seven year old girls doing their skincare and mascara makes me want to cry bc how did we fail them this bad???#they should be having a childhood but they're being forced to grow up too soon#im saying all this as a sixteen year old it would genuinely be better if young kids and teenagers weren't exposed to the toxicity of insta+#+and other social media bc it does NOTHING but put bad ideas in their heads and give them bad self esteem
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you ever think about how edwin got like. no warning, no time time to process, nothing, when he reappeared on earth faced with the fact that virtually everyone he knew in life is dead. his parents? probably died in the 1950s or so (at best) almost forty years prior to edwin’s return. if any of his classmates were still around, they’d have been elderly, possibly senile, and in a few years they’d all be gone– except, of course, edwin. nothing looks the same, cars look like spaceships, there actually are spaceships, he can no longer see the stars, and everyone he knew is dead.
#he may be dead too but he’s certainly not gone. he’s a lingering relic. something lost to time#that’s some existential dread on an incomprehensible level#like. he meets charles quite soon after returning from hell and it’s implied he’s pretty much just been haunting that schoolhouse in that#time right. so I seriously doubt he’d have visited– let alone even Found– his parents’ graves. I wonder if he ever did that with charles.#maybe charles providing him enough emotional support to feel like he could handle it.#I know that he wasn’t close to his parents in life– nor was he close with anyone that we know of– and yeah I think that’d definitely make#things a bit easier in certain ways; he never felt like he belonged in his time/place in life or amongst his family or peers#so being displaced from all that wouldn’t feel like losing very much#in a way#but… I mean still#and he inevitably would have those lingering thoughts of what could’ve been–#yes he could’ve died in the war and his life likely wouldn’t be very fulfilling considering he’d probably be forced into a marriage he#wouldn’t want or if he was found out he could’ve been imprisoned and ostracized and disowned. plenty of ways his life could’ve been awful if#but also what if his parents loosened up a little as the times did? as in- what if he actually got to know them? what if they tried to#have a relationship with him of some sort eventually? it’s not impossible#it’d have to eat at him. that and wondering if either of them felt guilty#or felt a loss. or anything#hoo boy. fun stuff#edwin#edwin payne#rambling#dead boy detectives
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part 1 of a little comic / art sequence that i've been working on! :D it's part tribute, part experimenting with brushes n colors and trying new thingz :]
| 1 | 2 | ... |
and thus continues my endless quest of spreading the carrot fics like a plague! if you've seen my art floating around you probs already figured that this au holds a very special place in my heart, forever and always!!
if you haven't heard of it, it's a fic series by @crowned-ladybug called carrot soup!! it made me wish i could speak colors and i need more people to share my struggle xd
go check it out if you're into sweet voice lore and qpr level gayness and just wanna feel warm and soft and warm (hurt/comfort my beloved) <333 there are some heavier themes cos everyone's traumatized but they're working through it! be sure to check the tags and stay safe! <3
#hlvrai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#frenrey#carrots au#<- gotta remember to tag the other ones as well#yippie im so excited to finally start sharing these with people!!!#there will be at least 5 parts in total maybe more idk#i just wanted to illustrate this little snippet of the first fic#maybe i'll draw more of these if i get another vision#i am still trying to work on the animatic so that would probs include most of my visions anyway#i think im gonna post a wip sometime soon just in case i lose interest#also i crave validation and reading people's tags and comments makes me so so so happy!!!><#btw it kinda feels nice posting something like. after a while#cos it's been quite a bit since i finished this first.. part? page? thingy#and it's nice to finally stay out of the whole instant gratification thing#please do still go crazy in the tags tho? if u want?#mkay enough rambling for today i've got things to do#like be cozy n read fanfics n drink water n stuff yk?#all the important thingz#and who knows maybe i'll even make some progress on.. whatever it is that piques my interest today#bye for now!!! take care and have a very orange day <3#art tag or whatever
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my mom didn't carry me, she fucking DRIBBLED me
#i dont even remember what the original context of this drawing was#i just really liked the visual of v ballin with the glasses#plus testing out colors i guess idk#the more i look at the sentinel silhouettes the more i wonder why i put them there#fun fact they're silhouettes because i haven't quite figured out how to draw them in a way i actually like#but im getting close#soon i will figure the sentinels out#i have an idea in mind that requires them#anywho#art#murder drones#murder drones v#serial designation v#im not tagging the sentinels i don't like these ones
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Harlan Coben's Shelter - 1x03
#shelteredit#shelter on prime#harlan coben's shelter#shira bolitar#hannah taylor#constance zimmer#missi pyle#shelter 1x03#hannah x shira#femslash related stuff#hehehe#I hadn't expected THIS quite so soon#the really fun part of their arc has been how we have to keep rewriting it the more we learn#not just in the later eps but even here we know there's clearly a history#the way shira's smiling#and just the fact that hannah did it at all#swooping in SO sexily like that#and then kind of waiting for shira's response#it's not out of nowhere
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Turns out when you own a waterpark you can bend your own rules
Y/N found out the hard way
#yes I finally drew it!!!!!#this has been In my head foreverrrrrr#sun and moon diving in the tunnel as soon as they send you off is quite a jumpscare#seriously who didn’t want to do this on a slide/raft ride#sun and moon: we get to have fun here :)#lol slide into fun#I just realized that my au has something in common with canon!#slides!!!!!!!!!!#just add water hahahaha#ok now tags#waterpark au#Waterspark bay#Waterspark bay au#dca au#crunch art
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since people liked my previous best budds drawing i think it's only fair to draw more of it so now they're YOUNGER
#pathologic#мор утопия#artemy burakh#артемий бурах#wonder bull#noukher#the haruspex#artists on tumblr#sketch#big dad man now in a child form#big bull boy shrank as well#or not#i have magic now and the wonder boy bull can suddenly live more then usual 12 years#though if big dad man is 28 yo and wonder bull is quite old perhaps about 11-12 yo#then artemy on the pic is 16-17 so i hope he atleast looks the age#maybe i'll draw kiddo puff cheecks boi soon#fucking watch me#i just need to pass all my uni exams first...
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You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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Ellen McLain’s commentary from my trivia playthrough
#She's so cute <3#WPP#Portal#Ellen McLain#If you haven't played through the audio commentary I would Absolutely recommend it it is So fun#I clicked out of curiosity - kind of just expecting like a movie's audio commentary y'know? Like a video that highlighted specific scenes#No it's just the whole game again but with trivia pop-ups! I love that!!#It reminded me so much of like trivia track or the pop up fun facts from special editions of movies I would watch as a kid#But you can play through them!! You have to click on them and they spin! I love that!!!#I always love hearing the design and development process - fascinating how the playtesters reacted to this new game!#We take it for granted now but yeah I imagine it would've been very confusing at the time#And I was like ''Well it was such a small team and Ms. McLain was such a large part of it - surely she'll have a few bubbles?''#She does lol - as soon as I got to her first one (it was a slow burn! They buried the lead with her lol I'm already invested!) I had to go#I saved-quit the game out of sheer excitement and giddiness lol I had to sleep on it before I was ready to come back#It is so cool to hear her natural voice ah <3 And the kinds of direction she was given! Other bubbles also talk about her vocal direction :)#Very cool! I wonder what TTS they used for reference :0#But to hear her real laugh without the audio processing over and and she still sounds like GLaDOS! I mean of course she does but just jfdksl#That's /her/ laugh! They share a laugh! It's a very similar laugh!!#Not to mention her talking about wanting to play and just fdskalfd they clearly did such a good job with her performance and ahhh#It's too cute it's all too cute sharing a room with GLaDOS while her voice actor talks about making a cake to share with her friends stopppp#I am so enamoured <3#I also took a bunch of screenshots of GLaDOS still shit-talking while she was being destroyed lol#Actually beat the ending in one try this time :P I ran out of time the last time pfft#But now I've beaten it twice in as many days :D Although I did start it the first time several days ago - but I beat it again quickly!#Has me all the more itching to replay 2 ♪#WPVG
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other half
redraw screenshots taken from this post i made a while back ignore that i forgot to actually link it for like an entire day
#THE SILLIES#i have an exam in 9 hours and i haven't studied for it. kuwabara was more important (<- i'll be ok + i'll study soon)#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kazuma kuwabara#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#urameshi yusuke#kuwameshi#yyh puu#idk what people tag him as... :/#also i hope it's not too obvious that i'm the least comfortable drawing yusuke outta the main four. idk what it is. the eyes? hm#like hiei i can't draw consistently but i usually like it anyway so whatever. but yusuke i just feel like i'm so close to getting it right#but i never quite get there. essence uncaptured vibes tarnished. but that's probably just me#also no kuwa would not steal a catalytic converter. it goes against his honor code as established in episode uhhh idk 7? the one w/ eikichi#skrunkart#haven't done one of these flat tone sketch pages in a while... i like them though they're pretty#though i kiiiinda gave up on the overall composition by the end </3. eh whatever at least it's out there now#also my favorites of this are the one of kuwa holding puu with like. club penguin eyes? and puu diving at kuwa's egg. i just think they're#ute. plus the one of kuwa sleeping holding puu w the thousand yard stare. idk just silly to me#anyway hopefully it's clear that i love kuwabara. the end
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do you have any rei boob hcs... i like to think she has stretch marks from them growing kind of quickly (projecting) i like to think she was flat chested at first but then they seemed to grow overnight LOL
STRETCH MARKS.......................................... HOLY SHIT. ANON. YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO GOOD this will officially be my hc as well thank u
#HOW HAVE I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT STRETCH MARKS???????#BIG BRAIN MOMENT#ive never drawn stretch marks before so i really wanted to try this out#and even looking at tons of refs online im not exactly sure if i like how these turned out#i made this based on my own stretch marks which are quite white-ish and have a little bit of texture to it#but from the pictures i saw it seems like they can also be red and pink too#not sure which color u had in mind anon but im curious to hear your thoughts#AUGHHHHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH#what if i steal this hc and apply it to tsumugi as well#also add it to her thighs.......................#ANYWAYS#i wasnt gonna reply to asks rn#BUT MY GOD THIS ONE WAS SO GOOD I JUST. HAD TO.#i'll be replying to u guys' asks soon dw [insert hand heart emoji here]#ask#my art#rei sakuma#femstars#cw: suggestive
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