#but i have chosen my faves and drawn my lines

[mandos-mind-trick]

Jaig Eyes

Summary: Soulmates are forbidden among the clones. Yours just happens to be a certain Captain. Thankfully, he's not above breaking the rules sometimes.

Pairing: Captain Rex x medic!reader

Warnings: NSFW, smut, P in V sex, no foreplay, unprotected sex, some description of battles, wounds, slight blood mention, drinking, partying, Soulmate AU

A/N: Rex my baby, my boy, one of my OG faves. It's about time I wrote something for him. I'm a little delirious from the heat, but I'm still alive. This was supposed to be the first one of the series but Tech and Crosshair demanded more attention.

MASTERLIST

The explosions are loud, even with the tanks as far ahead as they are. Your adrenaline is pumping, but you keep breathing, keeping it under control. That’s why you were chosen for this position, after all. Your ability to keep control even under the most overwhelming, stressful situations. 

Your home planet got hit hard early in the war. Due to its location near four major hyperspace lanes, both sides of the war needed to control it, and that came at the expense of its inhabitants. Many people lost their lives in the brutal battle, both civilians and clones. There wasn’t much left of your home afterwards, most inhabitants of the city displaced. 

So you decided to leave and join the GAR as a medic. You already had the experience, and after doing everything you could to help during the invasion, you had decided to put your life plans on hold and join the army. 

Your ability to keep calm under extreme duress had impressed your instructors during your training, and so they had given you the title of combat medic, and sent you off with the 501st Legion. You had practically been thrown right into the field, not that you had expected much less. 

Kix, the clone medic you served under, had given you a brief tour and rundown on the way to provide reinforcements to the 104th. He had warned you that the area they were landing in was going to be hot, and to expect to jump in right away. 

You had expected nothing less, having already seen just how ugly the front lines can be. 

That’s where you are now, treating troopers practically as they fall. 

“The Captain’s down!” 

The words ring loud and clear through your comm, the energy of the entire battalion shifting. You have yet to meet any of the clone commanders, much less the Captain of the 501st. You had been thrown into this rather rapidly. There would be a time for introductions later. 

Your name is called through the comms, Kix appearing with another trooper, dragging who you assumed was the Captain between them. They lay him on the ground, the other trooper running back into the heat of the battle. 

“We need to stabilize him before we can move him.” Kix says, kneeling next to the Captain. 

You kneel on his other side, taking a look at him. His entire right shoulder piece is missing, an ugly wound oozing blood. It’s a nasty shot, but he’s lucky it’s not on the left. 

“Bacta.” Kix says and you hand off an injector from your belt. 

You move to take off his helmet, your breath catching in your throat. Your eyes are drawn to his helmet, above his visor. The marking on it. You knew most of the clones used some sort of marking to distinguish themselves. Whether it be on their armor, or tattoos, or hairstyles, they all had unique aspects about them to give them individuality. 

This one, though. This one is startling to you. 

Most species in the galaxy experience the phenomenon of soulmates. There are a number that don’t, but they are vastly outnumbered by those that do. 

How one is linked to their soulmate can vary. Yours just happens to be the identifying mark. A symbol or even a phrase that means something to your other half. Or, for the lucky few, an entire name. Most got them at birth, or some shortly after. Rarely were there huge gaps in age between soulmates. Given the vast dichotomy of species in the galaxy, fate wasn’t that unkind. 

Well, most liked to think it wasn’t. 

Your mark showed up eleven years ago. You had already been well into your childhood when you woke up one morning to find a symbol on your chest. You’d never seen anything like it before. After some extensive research, you came to learn they’re called  jaig eyes, a symbol used by Mandalorians for distinguished warriors. A symbol of bravery, tattooed over your heart in blue.

You had thought your soulmate might be Mandalorian, and so you had spent years planning and working towards a trip to Mandalore. 

Then the war started, and your planet was invaded.

The entire situation had left such an impact on you, you decided to push your dreams of Mandalore, and your soulmate, aside for the time being. If fate had paired you together, you would meet eventually. 

You hadn’t expected this though. 

Your hands are shaking just a bit as you grab his helmet, pulling it off. You support his neck, easing his head to lie in the dirt. His face is pinched as Kix ties a tourniquet around his shoulder. 

“I’m fine.” He grunts out, nose scrunching in pain. 

“The gaping hole in your shoulder says otherwise.” Kix says, injecting the shot of bacta into the wound. 

You grimace a bit, knowing how much that hurts. Your own fingers pull down his blacks, exposing enough of his neck to administer a stim shot. You can see as it begins to kick in, numbing the pain and giving him a boost of energy. His face begins to soften, body relaxing a bit. 

Kix calls for an evac, two troopers easing the Captain onto a stretcher before removing him from the heat of the battle. You clear your head, moving on to the next injured trooper. The battle isn’t over. You have a lot more work to do before you can think about this new development. 

****

You wipe your brow, body starting to drag as the adrenaline crashes. The battle had ended, but your job was only getting started. There was still a field of injured troopers that needed care, as well as a full med bay. 

“I’m impressed.” Kix says, finishing applying the bacta patch on the final trooper that needed care. “Not many nat-borns can keep going that long after being in the field.” 

You shrug. “It’s not my first time on the battlefield. My home planet was one of the first invaded by the Separatists. Most of it was wiped out by the battles. I learned very quickly to stay busy. If you’re not doing anything, you remember you’re human and you crack.” 

Kix puts a hand on your shoulder. “Go get some rest. We’ll be fine here.” 

“Thank you, sir.” You nod, heading off to the bunks. 

You hop in the refresher, wishing it was real water, but the sonic shower will do. You don’t let it hit you until you crawl into your bunk, letting the day wash over you finally. You’re shaking, silent tears rolling down your cheeks. You’d mastered the quiet cry a long time ago, not wanting to disturb your fellow medics getting some much needed rest.

You’re exhausted, but you’ve seen far too much today to let yourself rest just yet. 

You need to work through it. If you bottle it up, you’ll only explode later. 

You close your eyes, the image of the jaig eyes coming to the front of your brain. There was no mistaking it. It wasn’t the confusion of battle, or the stress making you see things. The Captain of the 501st has jaig eyes on his helmet, in the same shade of blue as the ones printed on your chest, right over your heart. 

This is going to complicate things. 

It was one of the first things you were taught in your training. Under no circumstances were clones allowed to initiate their soulmate links. If, by chance, one of them happened to be your soulmate, the link had to be rejected. If a clone was found to have iniated the link, they would be decommisioned immediately. 

It’s cruel, but you can understand why. 

The soulmate link is a powerful motivator. The clones were designed to be loyal, focused, and dedicated to fighting and winning the war. Many of the first generation of clones had deserted upon learning of their soulmate marks. It seemed even the most potent conditioning couldn’t overcome the yearning of ones soul to find its other half. 

Even the most loyal clone would turn their back upon meeting the soulmate. 

The thought of being rejected is terrifying. It’s a painful process for both involved. Some who have experienced it claim it feels like your body is being turned inside out, every cell on fire as your soul destroys the link. You remember every second of it, the horrible pain and the grief that settles in as you realize you’ll never be able to feel the same again. 

You’ll never be the same again. 

You can’t tell the Captain. He can never know. You can’t stand the thought of being rejected. Though the pain would ease with time, you’ll never forget it. You’d rather suffer through the pain of being so close but never initiating than feel the rejection of someone who may never have wanted to reject you. 

****

Time flies quickly now that you’ve established yourself amongst the 501st. The Legion is constantly on the move, burning through battle after battle with little rest in between. According to Kix this is very common, with the Legion going sometimes weeks without a break. You know it can’t be good for them, recognizing the exhaustion on many of the trooper’s faces and in their body language. 

You’re beginning to feel it too, tension knotting in your shoulders and the quality of your sleep has been declining. You know it’s not just the stress of constant adrenaline and work, though. Constantly being within close proximity of your soulmate and doing absolutely nothing about it has been wearing on you as well. You’ve spoken maybe ten words to each other when Kix had introduced you to the Captain after the first battle when you’d helped care for him. 

Since then, you’d only seen him in passing. 

It’s slowly driving you insane. 

You’ve grown close to some of the troopers, especially those that frequented the med bay for “unjustified reasons” as Kix liked to call it. It was his code for “they did something stupid and now we have to fix them.” 

You can’t really blame them for being a bit reckless sometimes. They deserved to have some fun every once in a while. 

“There’s my favorite medic!” A heavy arm slings around your shoulder, nearly making your knees buckle. You’d been in one of the storage areas, cataloging everything the med bay needed to stock up on once you landed on Coruscant. “Excited about shore leave?” Fives asks. 

“Actually I am.” You say, honestly. You had planned to book a hotel room and sleep off the stress. You hope the distance from your soulmate will help ease the tension that’s been building. 

“A bunch of us are gonna hit 79s. You should come with us.” Echo says, popping up on the other side of you. You had been wondering where he was, as the two were rarely far from each other. 

It’s a tempting offer. Losing yourself in a bar for a night might help ease the stress. Unless Captain Rex planned on being there too. 

“I don’t know...” You say, chewing your lip. “I was planning on just relaxing.” 

“Come on,” Fives squeezes you against his side. “It’s your first shore leave. Let us show you how we celebrate.” 

You almost say no, but perhaps spending time around others will help you feel better. Even if Captain Rex is there, alcohol can help you forget. Perhaps you could even find someone else, someone to help you forget. 

“Fine.” You sigh, but a smile tugs at your lips. “I’ll come with you.” 

They both cheer, giving you breath-stealing pats on the back. Sometimes they forget they have to be gentler with non-clones. 

“Meet you on the landing platform at 19:00 hours.” Five says. 

You salute him jokingly, making your way to the med bay with a smile on your face. 

***

You’re glad you thought to pack a dress for occasions like this. You’re also glad you packed a dress that covers your chest. The last thing you need is any of them seeing it. Would they report you? Would they tell the Captain? You’d like to think they wouldn’t. It’s not like you’d even been trying to talk to the Captain. 

You check yourself in the mirror, making sure your mark is covered before you make your way out of the venator. As promised, a small group of guys is waiting on the landing pad, some of them having dressed down while others are still in their armor. 

Fives whistles lowly as you approach, your cheeks warming a bit. “Looking good, civvy.” 

“I mean, I know you’re a looker but kriff, you clean up well.” Jesse says, nonchalantly giving you a once over. 

Your face feels hot with their attention and compliments, not used to being on the receiving end. “Thanks, guys.” 

“Come on,” Fives tosses an arm across your shoulders. “Let’s get going!” 

***

You feel warm, slightly buzzed as you make your way back towards the bunks. It’s late...or early depending on how you look at it. You’d had a good time with the guys. You’d danced and drank and laughed a lot. It was a good distraction, and it helped you decompress a bit. You’re exhausted, though, still ready to sleep the rest of shore leave away before you inevitably get thrown into another battle. 

It’s the alcohol that’s dulled your senses a bit, not even noticing the person rapidly approaching behind you until they’ve spun you around, pressing you back into the wall. 

“Fives!” You blink in shock up at Fives, his brow furrowed as he stares down at you. “W-What are you doing?” 

Your heart is racing as his hand lifts towards your dress, all the worst possible things flashing through your head. He’s a flirt, but you’d never thought he’d go this far. Your buzzed brain has just got it in you to call out for help when his hand tugs the neck of your dress to the side, revealing the mark on your chest. 

“I knew it.” He says, letting your dress fall back into place. 

“How did you-” 

“I glimpsed it while we were dancing.” He says simply. “I had to be sure.” 

You step away from the wall, adjusting your dress. “Well you could have just asked instead of giving me a heart attack.” 

“Sorry.” He says, actually managing to look guilty. “Why haven’t you said anything?” 

“I don’t want to get rejected.” You say. “I’d rather live with the pain of him being close than live with the pain of rejection.” 

Fives snorts. “He won’t reject you.” 

You blink up at him. “What?” 

A grin tugs at Fives’ lips. “He won’t reject you. Most of us don’t agree with the rule against soulmates, and we don’t plan on following it. Rex may be a Captain, but he’s not going to reject you just because he’s supposed to. If we followed the rules as rigidly as we’re supposed to, most of us would be dead already.” He puts a hand on your shoulder. “Talk to him. You never know when it might be too late.” 

***

Despite Fives’ admission to their willingness to bend the rules, you haven’t approached the Captain. Partly because you’re still afraid, and also partly because you haven’t had time. After the brief shore-leave, the Legion had been thrown into a long campaign that had been taking its toll. Many, many troopers were injured, and you barely got time to sleep, let alone do anything else. 

Like approaching the Captain about your soulmate mark.  

After two long weeks of grueling battles, it’s finally over. Well, at least the fighting. You still have an overflowing med bay to get through. 

Hours later, most of the troopers have been stabilized and on their way to healing. Kix sends you away, practically ordering you to bed. You don’t argue, your feet already dragging as you leave the med bay. You need a long cry and a nap, ready to crash. 

You hadn’t meant it literally, but it seemed fate was getting tired of your avoidance. 

You walk straight into a hard chest, nearly falling backwards. Hands steady you, and you look up right into the eyes of Captain Rex. 

“S-Sorry Captain.” You stutter, taking a step back. “I-I wasn’t paying attention.” 

“It’s alright.” He says, still holding your gaze. “I know you’ve been overwhelmed in the med bay recently. You’re all working hard.” 

You nod. “Yeah.” You continue to stare at him, the words bubbling out of you before you can stop them. “I need to speak with you. Alone.” 

He blinks in surprise. “Oh. Is there...something wrong? Is it one of the troopers?” 

You shake your head. “No, no. It’s...” You almost backtrack. You almost change your mind, but those soft brown eyes draw you in. “It’s personal.” 

He hesitantly leads you into one of the many storage rooms, making sure it’s empty. You hope no one walks in. You’re already nervous about bringing this up to the Captain. You’d rather not have to try and explain this to someone else. 

You turn to face him as the door slides shut, looking up into his eyes again. His face is drawn and focused, and you almost feel bad for throwing this on him. 

“I think you’re my soulmate.” You blurt out, wanting to get it all out in the open. 

His eyes widen in surprise. “What?” 

You bite your lip, stripping off your gear enough that you can lower the neckline of your shirt a bit. You draw it down, revealing the mark on your skin. “It appeared almost eleven years ago.” 

He steps closer, staring hard at the mark. His hand lifts, his gloved fingers tracing over the lines of the jaig eyes. “The medic’s symbol.” He says, eyes still staring at the mark on your chest. “My mark, it’s the medic’s symbol.” 

You let out a long breath. Fate really does plan out everything perfectly. 

His hand leaves your chest, lifting to cup your chin. You step closer to him, your chests almost touching. How desperately you want to kiss him, to initiate the bond. You’re not even sure that’s what he wants. 

“I think I’ve known since Kix introduced us.” He says, his hand still holding your chin.

“I knew the moment I saw you on the battlefield, when you got shot.” You say. 

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” He asks. 

“I didn’t want to get rejected.” You admit. “I-I thought...but then Fives said-” 

“Fives knows?” He asks. 

You nod. “He saw the mark when we went out to 79s last shore leave.” 

His grip tightens just a bit on your chin, jealousy flashing in his eyes. 

“Nothing happened.” You quickly add, realizing your words left a little too much unsaid. “We just danced, and he confronted me after about it. He said you clones aren’t quite as uptight when it comes to rules as everyone thinks.” 

The side of his mouth lifts in a smirk. “Not in this Legion at least. I do wish you’d said something sooner, but I understand if you didn’t know...I’m not going to reject you.” He holds you still for a moment before dropping his hand. “The General is being called back to Coruscant, so we’ll get a short leave once we return. Two hours after we land, come to the barracks. I’ll make sure they’re empty.” 

Your stomach squirms with excitement. Even if you do nothing but sit and talk, the prospect of being close to your soulmate has your body coming alive. You nod, hardly able to contain yourself. 

You don’t feel quite so tired anymore as you make your way to your own barracks. 

***

The two hours after landing seems to take a lifetime. Your eyes flash to the chronometer constantly. The first half hour hadn’t been so dreadful, as you had spent most of that helping move still recovering troopers, and loading up carts to pick up supplies. 

Then you’d found yourself with nothing to do but wait, so you had returned to your barracks to wait out the hour and a half before you’d make your way to the clone barracks. You’d considered dressing up, but you thought that might draw too much attention. Wearing light gear could at least give you an excuse for being there, should anyone ask. 

You head out ten minutes before, knowing it will take you that long to get across the ship. The trooper’s bunked on the opposite side of the ship from the medics, who were close to the med bay. 

Your stomach flutters with nerves and excitement the entire way. You’d thought about this moment for a long time, though it’s not quite playing out like you had expected. You’re not complaining, though. You’re lucky to have someone as loyal and caring as the Captain for your soulmate. 

You make it to the barracks, Captain Rex waiting outside the door. He’s removed his armor, wearing only the blacks underneath. You greet him with a smile, and he returns it. You like it, you realize, seeing him smile. 

He leads you inside, this set of barracks smaller than the others. It’s specially set up, he tells you, for the more higher ranking clones. The Captain, the ARC troopers, and those on his specialized squad. 

He leads you to the bed closest to the fresher, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t really plan anything. I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing something you don’t want.” 

You put a hand on his arm. “I figured we’d just let things happen naturally. Even if all we do is sit and talk, that’s fine with me.” 

He smiles down at you. “Then let’s talk.” 

And so you do. 

You tell him everything. From your earliest memories to getting your mark, to the devastation of your planet during the start of the war. You tell him about how you’d planned to visit Mandalore in hopes of finding your soulmate, and how you’d given up that dream to join the GAR. 

He tells you everything about himself too. Growing up too fast on Kamino, the endless training, being called to the front when the war started, how he was there on your home planet when it was attacked, all the men he’s lost, the stress of the war. They’d been designed to be more resilient to high stress situations, but the grief of loss and the exhaustion still weighs on him. 

You wrap your arms around him before you even think about it. You feel for him, you really do. As much as they’re supposed to be just numbers in an army fighting a war they didn’t even volunteer to be a part of, you know they’re more than that.

“That’s why most of us don’t follow the rule about soulmates.” He says, his arms wrapped around you. “We have to believe there’s something beyond war and loss.” 

“I’m glad you don’t agree with it.” You say, resting your head on his shoulder. “I don’t think I could have given you up.” 

His hand slides up your back, moving to rest between your shoulder blades. “I...don’t have a clue what I’m doing.” 

“I don’t think anyone does.” You say, and you mean it. “I think most of it is just supposed to...be natural. It’s supposed to feel right.” 

He pulls away from you, looking down at you. Your faces are inches apart, breath mingling. This close you can see the lines on his face, the light scattering of freckles on his nose and cheeks. 

“You’re kinda beautiful.” You say, staring at him. 

“I think I’m the one that’s supposed to say that.” He says, leaning in closer. “You’re the most exquisite thing I’ve ever seen.” 

Your cheeks heat up, a goofy smile tugging at your lips. “Stop. I am not.” 

He cups your face, his gloved thumb tracing your cheek. “Of course you are. You were made for me, after all.” 

Your lips meet, a spark shooting through you. You feel warm and light, pure energy racing through your nerves. His grip tightens on you, pulling you closer against him. He's warm and solid, like a cabin during an ice storm. 

He groans quietly against your lips, pulling you into his lap. You settle against him, tilting your head as the kiss deepens. You hadn't really planned on going this far, but you now understand why people say once you meet your soulmate, it's uncontrollable. 

He pulls away, pressing his forehead to yours. "I don't want to feel like I'm rushing you."

You smile. "I want this too. I don't think I could stop."

He wraps his arms around your waist, flipping you easily onto your back. "Good. I don't think I can either." 

He presses his lips back against yours, slotting his body against you. He's all lean muscle, fitting perfectly against you. He presses even closer, something hard poking against your thigh. 

You smile into the kiss, shifting your hips slightly to create some friction. You're already damp, your body well prepared for this moment. It had been building up for weeks. You can tell now, how much you'd been yearning for him, even if you hadn't noticed before. 

His lips trail down your jaw, charting a path down your throat. You arch into him, fingers digging into his broad shoulders. You tug at his blacks, one of his hands reaching back to pull the top off over his head. 

You run your fingers down his chest, feeling over every bump and scar. 

“I’ll tell you about them later.” He says, tucking his face back into your neck. You have a few too he’ll want to know about. “Right now, I want to see you.” 

You smirk up at him. “Then you best get to work, Captain.” 

He matches your smirk, sitting up on his heels. “That’s brave, issuing orders to your commanding officer.” 

“Well, in certain situations, I outrank you.” You reply. 

He unbuckles your med kit, setting it on the floor. “Don’t tell me Kix has been putting ideas in your head.” His hands slip under your shirt, trailing along your skin. “I’ll make a pass, though. This is one situation where I don't mind being told what to do.” 

You gape up at him for a moment. “Do you...like being told what to do, Captain?” 

He pulls your shirt over your head, tossing it onto the floor. Your breastband quickly follows, heat blossoming across your neck and chest as he stares at you. You feel a bit self-conscious under the intensity of his gaze. “Only if it’s you.” He says. “You’re so beautiful.” 

You smile shyly, reaching out for him. “Not quite as beautiful as you.” 

“Definitely more beautiful than me.” He says, leaning into your touch. 

“I’ve been waiting so long for you.” You say, caressing his face. 

“Then I won’t make you wait any longer.” He presses a kiss to your lips before sitting back up, undoing his belt. He slips his pants off, tugging yours off as well. 

You should feel self conscious being bare in front of him, especially only knowing him for a short time, but it feels natural. You know it’s natural. You were meant to be together. 

He slots his body against yours once more, his hard length pressing up against your core. You’re already wet in anticipation, more than ready to seal your bond completely. It’s a bit strange after having thought you might get rejected if you ever revealed it to him, but you’re glad he’s at least willing to break the rules about this. 

His hips grind against yours, dragging his length against your folds. You moan, spreading your legs further for him. You want him as close as possible. You need to have him as close as possible. 

“You’re so wet for me.” He groans, dragging his hips against yours. 

“I need you.” You whimper, arms wrapping around him. “Kriff, please Rex.” 

“Yes ma’am.” He says, kissing your throat before he reaches down, lining himself up. 

Hearing him say it stirs something in you, heat rushing straight between your legs. You slot that away for later, focusing instead on him as he slowly presses into you. The stretch burns a bit, but he goes slow, moving inch by inch until he’s seated inside you. You shiver at the close contact, your body coming alive from how connected you are. 

“Kriff, you’re so tight.” He groans, dropping to his elbows over you. “Fit me so perfectly.” 

“Well, I was made for you.” You say, wrapping your arms back around him. 

“So perfect for me.” He says, pressing a kiss to your lips. 

He begins moving, small thrusts as he drags his hips against yours. You cling to him, wanting him as close as you can get him. The sensations and the thought of having him so close set every nerve ending alight in your body, energy thrumming through you. You know it's the connection, the link you share coming alive. 

You love the feeling of it. 

It’s a bit sloppy and awkward, as neither of you are experts. You don’t care though, the pleasure still building as picks up speed. He’s close too, you can tell by the desperation of his movements. You slip a hand down between you, circling your clit as you near the edge. 

He stills as he cums, your own orgasm washing over you at the same time. You cling to him, holding him as close as possible as you ride out your highs together. 

“How much time do you think we have?” You say, holding him on top of you. 

“More than enough.” He says, letting himself sink closer to you. “I told Fives to keep them out as long as possible. 

***

You hadn’t meant to fall asleep. You had been so comfortable and comforted by Rex’s presence, you had just drifted off without trying. 

It’s the arrival of the other troopers that has drawn you from your slumber. Rex’s arm tightens around your waist, obviously having heard their return as well. So much for keeping this a secret. 

You hope maybe they’ll all stumble to bed tiredly and not even look in your direction. You’re hidden from the door by Rex’s body, his arm pulling the sheet up higher inconspicuously. 

“I see the Captain’s been busy while we were away.” A smug voice says. 

“Ha! I called it! You owe me 20 credits!” Another voice calls out. 

“Fives,” Rex growls, going to turn around, but you sit up, clutching the sheet to your chest. You’re still very much naked. 

“Wait, did you bet on us?” You ask in disbelief. 

“You owe me another 20!” Hardcase exclaims, slapping Jesse’s shoulder.

Rex wraps an arm around you, pulling you back down. “Let them have their fun. I’ll make them all do extra rounds in the training room tomorrow.” 

There’s a simultaneous groan from all of them as they shuffle to their bunks to get ready. 

“Don’t worry, cyar’ika. Your secret is safe with us.” Hardcase says. 

“Just as long as I don’t feel the bunk shaking.” Jesse says, climbing up to the top bunk. 

“No promises.” Rex smirks, wrapping his arms back around you.  

Taglist:

@stressed-cherry

[rosalindwrites]

Hello! I stumbled across your blog and I love your Yugioh writings! (I haven't thought about Yugioh in years and then suddenly it dug its claws into me this year~)

If you take requests, can I request Aster or Zane in a meet-cute situation please~?

Hi!!! I'm so glad you like my stories! I, too, had not thought of Yugioh in a very long time but recently got back into it while nostalgia-watching old shows. Thanks for your request, had fun picking a lil meet-cute scenario - I decided to choose Aster since I hadn't written for him yet and he's always been a fave of mine. Hope you enjoy <3 :)

Coaster of Coincidence

Pairing- Aster Phoenix x Reader

Word count- like 700

Summary- Fate leads to you and Aster being stuck on the top of a rollercoaster together, cuteness ensues

The sun hung low in the sky, casting a warm golden glow over the sprawling Kaiba Land amusement park. You, a devoted duelist, had decided to take a break from the intense dueling scene and immerse yourself in the lighthearted atmosphere of the theme park. As you walked around, your eyes widened with excitement at the sight of the towering rollercoasters and vibrant arcade games. You had always been drawn to adrenaline-pumping rides, like a moth to a flame. Kaiba Land was known for its crazy dueling-themed rides, and you couldn’t resist the temptation to experience them all.

Aster Phoenix, the world-renowned professional duelist (that you, admittedly, were a big fan of), had also chosen that particular day to take a break from the competitive scene. As fate would have it, both of you found yourselves standing in the same line for the most formidable rollercoaster in the park— The Blue Eyes Jet Coaster.

The rollercoaster was notorious for its twists, turns, and exhilarating 350-foot drop that made it a must-try for duelists and amusement park enthusiasts alike. The line snaked its way through a maze of barriers, and you couldn't help but feel the anticipation building as you approached the ride's entrance.

Unbeknownst to both of you, fate had a plan in store. As you both approached the entrance of the rollercoaster, the attendants ushered you into the same line. The atmosphere buzzed with excitement as riders chatted nervously about the twists and turns awaiting them.

The line moved steadily, and before you knew it, you found yourself seated in the cart next to Aster. The restraints clicked into place, and the ride began its ascent, slowly climbing higher and higher. The view from the top was breathtaking, with the entire amusement park spread out below like a miniature world.

As the roller coaster crested the peak, ready to plummet into a series of exhilarating loops and turns, the unexpected happened. A mechanical glitch caused the ride to come to a sudden halt, leaving you and Aster suspended at the highest point of the coaster. Nervous murmurs and uneasy laughter filled the air as the riders realized they were stuck.

You turned to Aster, who met your gaze with a calm expression. "Looks like we're in for an unexpected duel of patience," he remarked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

You chuckled nervously, "I hope it doesn't take too long to fix. I had my eye on that Marshmallon-themed ice cream stand."

Aster raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Marshmallon-themed ice cream, huh? Sounds like my kind of treat. What’s your favorite flavor?”

And so, amidst the suspended animation of the roller coaster, a conversation sparked. You found yourselves sharing stories of your most memorable duels and favorite decks. The initial awkwardness melted away, replaced by a growing sense of camaraderie.

Time seemed to stretch as the maintenance crew worked on resolving the issue. But rather than growing frustrated, you and Aster discovered the joy of each other's company. Laughter echoed in the air as you swapped dueling strategies and debated the merits of different card combos.

Eventually, the roller coaster started moving again, and the ride resumed its course. As the adrenaline-fueled twists and turns played out, you couldn't help but feel a sense of exhilaration that went beyond the ride itself. The unexpected roller coaster malfunction had become the catalyst for a connection neither of you had anticipated.

As the ride came to a smooth stop, you and Aster exited with smiles on your faces. The sun had begun to set, casting the amusement park in hues of pink and orange. Aster turned to you, his expression warm and genuine.

“So,” he said, his eyes reflecting the colors of the sunset, “Ice cream?”

You smiled and nodded, realizing that this chance encounter had transformed a regular day at the amusement park into a memorable experience. As you and Aster continued to explore the park together, the roller coaster incident became the first chapter in a story that promised more thrilling twists and turns ahead.

Unexpected adventures really do make for the best stories.

[sweepseven]

Cirque du Soleil Corteo review

What a way to end the year! After two years apart, I managed to fit in seven different Cirque shows in 2022. Seven shows but eight performances, since I was physically compelled to see Kooza twice. That’s a hell of a year under any circumstances, and in a pandemic world it feels all the sweeter.

My final two shows of the year were Drawn To Life, the new Disney resident show, and Corteo, which I haven’t seen since 2018 and was thrilled to see make its post-pan return. Initially I was going to post both reviews at once buuuut as always I have no sense of brevity when it comes to this stuff, it got ridiculously long, so it’ll bet two separate ones after all.

So! Corteo is up first, because it’s easier! Act by act below.

Opening: Oddly there was no animation - the band members came out to wave and chat with the crowd a bit (a deviation from the norm, in my experience - I’d never seen any Cirque band speak outright to an audience), and then the show kicked right off. No wandering characters like in the past, no one reading a book on the edge of the stage, no one lacing their shoes, or otherwise going about their little lives. As soon as the show began in earnest it became clear that the sound was very unbalanced. I suspect the venue was partially at fault (the XL Center in Hartford is rough) and it improved a bit in the second half, but the opening did unfortunately suffer for it. I wonder how immediately clear it was to a first timer that it’s a funeral.

Chandeliers: Maybe not quite a hot take, but a lightly warmed one nevertheless: chandeliers is kinda boring. They make an absolutely beautiful image and they’re an excellent welcome into the nostalgic world of Mauro’s friends and life experiences, but there’s only so much an aerialist can accomplish with all those beads in the way. They did the best they could with their apparatus, but David Repullés’ Volo Volando was a bit disappointing too (more on him later) and that didn’t help.

Trampo beds: Also not my fave act, but the energy is impossible to deny. Not much to say here. It’s kids jumping on the bed and it’s fun and cute! There ya have it.

Cyr wheel: Okay now we’re talking. I am just weak for this act. It’s the first proper look at the labyrinthine pattern on the stage (which I would love to figure out one day, like why is it there, why was it chosen, I love it) and the choreography is a fantastic example of Cirque doing relatively simple things with such immaculate perfection that they might as well be doing the most difficult tricks in the world. You’d still be equally impressed. Every single movement was identical between artists, everyone got a moment to shine, and with all five wheels at once the stage feels suddenly so small and intimate. And Anneaux... god. One of my all time favorite songs. Still not great in David’s hands, but good enough.  

Suspended pole: The crowd lost it for this one, and for good reason. Such incredible control. And the male angels watching the act!! I wish we got more of them throughout the show, but it was still neat to see it. Loved the guitarist’s deft switch from guitar to accordion.

Golf: I adore this little act. Short and sweet, not too clowny, Victorino’s there... what’s not to love.

Marionette: Such a magical moment. I don’t know who our Mauro was, but I do know he’s Colombian thanks to his soccer team choice during this act. I am forever impressed by how the artist manages to disentangle the lines so perfectly every time without ever looking at them.

Hoops: Out! Which was weird because she was there for Klezmer Moment, but we never got the full act. Honestly the first half felt so packed that I didn’t feel her absence even knowing how lovely her act is. There was no replacement act tonight. 

Helium Dance: We pushed Valentyna!! She floated right over to us and it was clear no one else could reach her!! It was a very magical and special moment, up there with other strokes of interaction luck like dancing with Fleur. She gave us a “thank you, madame,” waved her handkerchief, and went on her way. 

Korean plank: I love this act. It’s relentless, it keeps you guessing, it takes risks, and best of all it does so much to flesh out the broader world of the show.

Paradis: Sette Ricordi you beautiful song, you. This act was tight beyond belief. Not a single slip, complete comfort and control from both flyers and catchers, just clean clean clean. 

Juggling: Remains adorable. I can’t remember whether the August Clown always helps out with this act? Either way, he was in there with a little supporting diabolo action on this night and it was very cute. 

Ladder: I love this!! So much!! This act is what Corteo is all about. These simple, heartfelt interactions between strangers that you somehow feel you still know intimately. The little Eiffel Tower robot dogs or whatever tf they are were too cute, such a fun extra touch of magic. The White Clown took something out of his pocket and fed one a little snack. And finally my question of whether the ladder artist dies is answered: I would argue yes. When he reaches the Angel, she gives him a wrist strap and he floats away with her, up and back through the side curtain. She was waiting for him and finally he came. <333

Aerial straps duo: Similar to suspended pole and paradis, just utter technical perfection. The glitter gets me every time. The audience loved it. 

Tournik: I felt it was a little short this time around! Maybe I’m misremembering. But yet again everything was crisp and clean as could be. Honestly I can’t remember the last time I saw such a perfectly executed show, and ending with this just sealed the deal. 

Finale: Mauro leans forward in the final moments, pedaling his bike with purpose and anticipation while his friends and family wave from below. It’s a warm, bittersweet, and encouraging approach to death. Isn’t that exactly how you’d want a loved one to move on? By appreciating his life but anticipating the afterlife enough to leave it behind with purpose and optimistic eagerness? I’m emotional just remembering it. I couldn’t help but cheer the very final “alla-vi-ta!” along with the band. 

Characters: Again, I don’t know who our Mauro was but I know I liked him very much. He was another element that was done a disservice by the unfortunate sound - when you could hear him, he was saying such beautiful things to add color to the characters, setting, and story! But it was intermittent, and anytime there was music or other conversation he was difficult to make out. Same was true for the Whistler, who I think was just on dreadfully low volume the entire night. It left him with little of the command and authority the character usually possesses, and instead he came across as just some guy trying to yell. I was particularly affectionate towards Victorino this time around - he is undoubtedly Mauro’s deepest and truest friend of all. Valentyna and Grigori were fun as ever, though Grigori didn’t have much to do outside of Teatro Intimo, which I am pretty neutral about except for what it adds to the setting and feel of the show. I also very much liked the White Clown this time around - every movement was measured, sharp, and purposeful, but in a warmer way than I’ve seen him in the past. I’ve seen White Clown behave like a manager, like a guide, and now like a facilitator, and I really enjoyed it. It made for a warmer, friendlier White Clown than I’d seen before: not trying to manage the transition from life to death with clinical precision (which I have also quite liked), but rather someone easing a friend from stage to stage of life. He was playful and familiar towards Mauro, who clearly felt similarly: he complimented White Clown’s “costume” and said it reminded him of the moon. A lovely example of the details that make Corteo Corteo. 

Music: I was on the opposite side of the stage from my first viewing, which means I was with the bassist and female singer’s main spot on one side and (I believe) the keyboardist and brass player on the other. Sofia Montaño brings a warmth and accessibility to her role that I very much enjoyed. You feel very welcomed by her performance where other female leads might have felt more ethereal. David Repullés, on the other hand, is perhaps the weakest male baritone I’ve heard in Corteo. I want to give him a certain amount of grace because of the obvious sound issues - how can you fully blame a singer for his volume when it’s totally out of his control? But there were other moments where it was clear his actual vocal quality wasn’t quite what we’ve gotten from other singers. That one long note in El Cielo Sabrá was a notable example of the role being just out of his reach. He was really working for it, but cut it short, and similarly his performance overall seemed to fall a little short. I assume the band was very good, but key moments that are deliberately musically chaotic, such as Nos Dejó, were unfortunately utterly decimated by the sound quality. 

Overall: I loved Corteo, I love Corteo, I will continue to love Corteo. It’s unique and human in the most wonderful way. 

[kaptainkit]

things i need in jjk season 2:

more first-year trio being hypercompetent dumbasses

gojo training kugisaki

sukuna being scared of kugisaki

more utahime-sensei

more gojohime

mahito dead in a ditch somewhere

more maki

MORE SHOKO

kugisaki nobara shopping and traveling to her heart's content

NO ANGST. ONLY FLUFF (w/ SOME GORE, SURE, WHATEVER).

[faetedforglory]

my brain is broken and i cant think of any cool questions for/about ur muses but i wanna say that theyre all super neat and u should maybe give some of ur fave fun lore facts about some of them? owo?

ask me about character stuff! || @zeconductor

oh you're valid!! and thank you so much!

under a cut because i ramble so much

witch lore!! (nanu and guzma)

true witches are sort of a dying breed. the unfortunate reality is that witches tend to be surrounded by bad luck and tragedy strikes them easily. not even they really know why, some rumor that one witch got the whole lot of them cursed but no one can confirm anything.

as a result many have chosen not to have children to break the cycle or have given up their powers entirely (a very painful and irreversible process). that tends to be the main reason for a scarcity of them.

who is and isn’t a witch isn’t common knowledge. 90% of the time you have to be told or witness something.

many of them have unique/family passed down abilities. the ripley line is pretty strong in general because they never really let go of their powers. they’re one of the oldest witch families, however someone did try to end the family line on multiple occasions.

nanu’s special ability is resistance to damage. he is very hard to kill and that magic literally the only reason he’s still alive. he thinks it’s the magic trying to fight back against the “curse” he’s heard so much about.

it was passed on to guzma, who unfortunately is very much aware that he can take a lot of damage and not die.

augustine, as a “human” (witch) had suffered greatly with no clear answers as to why (his mother hand an affair with a witch, who had died not long after his birth. no one ever taught him about being a witch or could help him because no one had any idea.) his power is a limited psychic ability. it allows him to sense and sometimes get visions of future events-- but only happy ones. this power was likely triggered from years of despair and desperately needing some reminders that life is worth living, that there are things to look forward to. it reminds him, after tragedy, that good things will come in time.

they have familiars!! certain pokemon are familiars that get drawn to witches by fate!! nanu’s is his persian (morticia) and guzma’s is his golisopod (bernadette)!! (bonus, augustine’s first one is an eevee evolved into a sylveon named enjolras, his second is his garchomp named eponine). the familiars tend to assist as guides to young witches and stay with them to be whatever the person needs-- a friend, a sibling, a parental figure.

nymph lore!! (maxie and guzma)

nymphs are a subclass of fae that generally protect whatever they bond to. for example: wood nymph (most common), water nymph (common), and ground nymph (rare). all nymphs are pretty much a blank slate and if they connect to something in nature they take on the features of that thing.

wood nymphs can have several abilities, but for guzma specifically being a half-nymph, he’s got the ability to heal nature to a degree. one could say he has a green thumb, but it’s absolutely a healing/growing touch. he can’t single handedly repair a wasteland in an instant but he can, with prolonged and repeated care help flora grow or recover from disaster. he often smells floral, just slightly, and it tends to attract pollinating bugs. cutiefly love him.

ground nymphs get more interesting defensive abilities. they can harden their bodies and tend to look like a moving marble sculpture if they use this ability and move. harming them in this state is difficult, especially as they are able to alter their bodies to be as hard as diamonds if they want to.

they aren’t really tricksters by nature. they just kinda. vibe. get along with pokemon.

while some can connect to something broadly speaking (the ground, the ocean), some connect to specific locations (a specific forest, a specific lake). not being able to properly redirect your connection to relocate is severely harmful for the nymph, it causes emotional distress and causes a severe sickness that can last for about a month. 

some nymphs have sort of given up due to land development destroying forests and natural areas. they had homes torn down in the name of creating concrete cities, it filled them with despair and resignation. they have, like witches, given up their abilities to become human because they saw no point in being nymphs or making more nymphs when humanity was just going to tear down the natural beauty of the world anyway.

specific character lore for fun!!

yellow’s pikachu?? his name is wes. he’s not even really a pikachu. he’s a mew that thought it would be fun to be a pikachu for a while but then he got carried away. straight up vibing and having a good time though. at this point genuinely forgets he’s not actually a pikachu. has a single brain cell that gets tired easy when it comes to anything other than battle. capable of taking on a human form.

guzma has always been a mama’s boy, but he held her even more dear when he thought his father died. she was the only family he had and he didn’t want to imagine life without her, unfortunately he would have to live that reality.

she did teach him how to play piano though. she was a fairly famous pianist and he wanted to follow in her footsteps for a while. he doesn’t play the piano for others often, for him to do so is an act of trust and intimacy. playing it is bittersweet because he still has the passion for it, but it makes him miss the days when his mom taught him to play. he wishes she could hear the songs he’s written.

maxie was a professional model from childhood to his mid-20′s. he hated it with a passion, only doing it because his parents made him and his twin was one as well, she made it more bearable. because of his modeling career he’s actually built up a lot of money from that alone.

his other money comes from coming from a wealthy family and his late husband’s own money that ended up being split with him in the divorce. he doesn’t flaunt it or want to talk about where any of his money comes from, it brings up too many terrible memories.

some of his motivation to expand land was caused by hurt from seeing how many nymphs were giving up and losing their homes. he thought, maybe, if there had been more land for nymphs to have as their own things could be better. it really aligned with him wanting to help pokemon for similar reasons too. for the most part he did have good intentions. he just didn’t think things through and was blinded by anger and his one track mind.

if not for archie he’s not sure where he’d be. archie found him twice at major points in his life and helped him both times more than he could ever say. he has no idea how to make it up to him or repay him, but he wants to. badly. he owes that man his life on multiple counts. his friendship is precious to him, even if he’s bad at expressing it.

[space-sheep08]

oh and not to double ask but also faith lehane for the character ask lmao

Absolutely no problem, you literally asked about two of my absolute faves gdjdkdps-

Favorite thing about them : Everything, she's just my little guy you know :') I've been screaming about her for so long I'm not sure what I love most about her anymore. She's so many things (as eve polastri would say-)... She's funny, kind of an asshole but really she loves people and gets attached way too easily, she's very very dumb, she could beat me to death, etc. You know, everything you look for in a woman :)

Least favorite thing about them : Baby girl you are so repressed- We really gotta work on those communication skills too, this is not good at all. Maybe find some better coping mechanisms other than murder and attempted suicide, that would be good I think.

Favorite line : She's just too iconic, so just know that there are way too much quotes I'd love to put here but recently I've been thinking about these two a lot fbdksps : "dude, you just rescued a puppy." And "If you don't come with me, I miGhT diE !!"

brOTP : Her and angel ! Really not original I know, but what do you want to me say ? There's just something about dumb lesbian murderers and failed bisexual himbos that makes me lose every critical thinking left in me. They are redemption buddies, siblings, reformed murderers projecting onto each other (well, Angel does most of the projecting but still) :')

OTP : If it wasn't obvious based on the indecent amount of time I spend talking about them : faith and xan- *gunshot* FUFFY !! They are the chosen two ! The slayer girlfriends !! MY FIRST OTP EVER !!!! So so so many feelings and thoughts about them, they keep me awake at night- Probably the pairing for which I read the most fanfics in my life and also the two characters that I've drawn the most-

nOTP : ... fangel... I won't get into it. I know and understand why people ship them but I... really don't want to imagine them as a couple.

Random headcanon : after the show (when she's happily dating buffy, because we all know that it MUST happen) she adopts all the stray cats she encouters (buffy isn't pleased, dawn is delighted)

Unpopular opinion : I really don't agree with the idea that her and buffy ever hooked up during canon. They're two absolute messes and they would be SO NOT NORMAL about this tdhdhdishfl- Also this is a pretty popular opinion within the faith fans (on Tumblr anyway) but not really outside of this small circle : she is a total loser. This girl is not "cool" she's trying so hard to be but she's just a huge dork who doesn't know how to talk normally lmao

Song I associate with them : Living dead girl by Rob Zombie for obvious reasons and Dead Inside by Younger Hunger (I still have to edit her to the full song gjdkfhsldp)

Favorite picture of them :

And these bts pics of Eliza dushku :

[sirikenobi12]

This Capt' goes down with her Ship

I’m honestly amazed at how many messages I receive both here and on Twitter that ask me why I ship Obi-Wan with Siri Tachi over Satine Kryze. I guess I’m mostly amazed because I can’t believe people actually care enough to take the time to message me about my character preferences, that’s just really fascinating to me. 

But, since I’m getting tired of writing this out in individual messages I thought perhaps a blog would be a good idea so that way I can just reference/link them to it later - it’ll be much easier. So, bear with me while I get a little self indulgent (and Satine stans please don’t come at me, I will explain below how I really have nothing against Obitine). 

This is going to be really long, and I’m not expecting anyone to actually read this, but here we go! 

I’ll begin by answering questions that are sitting in my inbox:

1. Who the hell is Siri Tachi?? For those who don’t know the character of Siri Tachi, she was a female Jedi who was two years younger than Obi-Wan. She was originally from the Legends young reader book series Jedi Apprentice and Jedi Quest (written by Jude Watson). She was in many of the same Padawan classes as Obi-Wan even though she was two years his junior because of her advanced skills. She could hold her own against him in a lightsaber duel even as they grew up. She was chosen as an apprentice to Jedi Council Member Adi Gallia at age 11 which was very impressive given how young she was and the fact that a Council Member chose her.

(I don’t know why she looks like Brittany Spears in this drawing, not my fave)

She did have a hard time fitting in with her peers when she was younger though because she was so focused on her career as a Jedi which didn’t always make her the friendliest person to be around (it was really her masking her insecurities) and it was only after she was paired on several missions with Obi-Wan that they even became friends. 

She and Obi-Wan over the years grew very close and eventually discovered their feelings had crossed the line from friends to something more while on a mission when they were older Padawans (Obi was 18). They had been separated from their masters and nearly died while on that mission. So, before they “died” they each confessed their love to the other, but when it turned out they didn’t actually die they decided they’d wait and figure out what their relationship actually meant once the mission was over - putting duty above their feelings. But Qui-Gon and Yoda intervene before the two of them could have the conversation and the Masters reminded Obi-Wan of his dedication to the Jedi Order. Obi-Wan argued that he and Siri would be able to find a way to be together while still being active Jedi, that maybe they could be an exception to the rule or even change the rule entirely. Both he and Siri did end up choosing their commitment to the Jedi over their relationship in the end, because each of them realized they’d regret not being Jedi more than anything, but it did put a strain on their friendship for many years. 

At 23 Siri was secretly knighted and her first solo mission was sent undercover to infiltrate and take down a huge pirate slaver operation and she spent 4 years on that mission, all on her own with limited communication with the Council.

In order to do this she had to pretend to have a falling out with her Master and “leave” the Order entirely, everyone thought she had fallen to the dark side. Obi-Wan was devastated, and he spent several months looking for her because he refused to believe she’d actually fall. It was also clear that he was heartbroken that she left, especially knowing what they had given up in order to be Jedi. Upon ending the mission she returned to the Jedi and was then often sent on other undercover missions throughout the rest of her career (including one where she and Obi-Wan had to play a royal married couple which was super cute). Her actually being a Jedi Shadow is not official and is a fanfiction creation - but, it’s one that I 100% headcanon because it just makes sense. 

Siri was very different when she returned from her long undercover mission, she had lived as a pirate for 4 years and so she was not as uptight and rule bound as she had been in her youth. She began to wear tight unisuits/flight suits instead of the traditional Jedi tunics and she had grown to be a bit more irreverent - even showing up late to Jedi Council summons.  Obi-Wan didn’t seem to mind the change and the two became a formidable pair as Knights and they were sent together (with their Padawans who hated one another) on several missions.

Obi-Wan and Siri were always written as being equals, never one more powerful than the other. They often shared flirtatious banter (nothing new for Obi-Wan) and they seemed very much in sync on missions that it was clear they shared some kind of bond. They never seemed to let their failed romance stand between them and their duty, and only brought it up once more as adults to admit that they still loved each other, but were content to just be friends because it would be selfish of them to turn their backs on the Jedi simply for their love. Then upon Siri’s untimely death (she of course died in his arms) she told him that she’d always be with him. And he nearly fell to the dark side due to his anger, but stopped himself from killing the man who was responsible for Siri’s death because he knew she’d not want him to fall because of her. 

In canon there isn’t much about her (yet), except that Siri is said to be the girl Obi-Wan would hold hands with under the table during mid-day meals which suggests that they had a bit of a secret affair/flirtation for many years.

2. Why don’t you like Satine? This is a bit of a loaded question because even though I tend to write fics centered more on Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy the character of Satine or that I don’t swoon over their relationship from time to time thanks to some very well written fics ( @mahizli​ I’m looking your way). I just tend to write Siri more than Satine because I can relate to Siri more as a character, but in truth I also feel Siri and Obi-Wan’s relationship is a bit more well rounded than his and Satine’s 

*ducks to avoid things being thrown at her*. 

Satine and Obi-Wan have a beautiful love story, don’t get me wrong. But for me personally I am a little sick of the Romeo & Juliette/star crossed lovers angle. And that’s totally what they are - She’s a Mandalorian, He’s a Jedi, it’s a forbidden love not just because of his code, but because their “families” were mortal enemies. And I guess I’m just not super inspired by it. Not to mention that they met as children (apparently only 15 years old according to canon), confessed their undying love for one another after a year of knowing one another in a life or death situation and then pined for each other for the next 20 years until they were reunited...I just have a very hard time finding this story relatable (and hate to say it, plausible). Not that they couldn’t have felt love for one another as teenagers (especially in that situation), but that they still felt that same level of love 20 years later without ever seeing one another...at least with Siri they still had to interact with one another on a regular basis so it would be harder to push those feelings aside. 

The other reason I have a hard time writing Satine and Obi-Wan is because the romantic love they seem to have in TCW is written to be very one sided in my opinion. While Obi-Wan clearly cares for her, and admits to having feelings for her at one time it’s only ever Satine who actually seems to want something with him in the current sense. Which honestly makes their relationship feels a bit cringy to me, it doesn’t feel like it’s on equal footing - and makes it seem like Satine is a bit obsessive (I don’t blame her, it is Obi-Wan after all). This is a similar argument I have about Padme’s character, I feel like we’re presented with these incredibly strong women characters who for whatever reason still fall apart when it comes to love...I think it’s a reflection of men trying to write women and it ends up being a bit of a fantasy (the sexy/badass woman who secretly needs a man to save her). So, to sum up - I really do  love Satine’s character outside of her relationship with Obi-Wan. 

Again, this is just MY interpretation of Satine and Obi-Wan’s relationship...I get other people tend to feel very differently and that’s wonderful!! 

I will say, the thing I do like about Obi-Wan and Satine’s relationship and very much appreciate is how it is an opposite parallel to Anakin and Padme’s relationship. And it shows what a Jedi should’ve done - how you can’t have both a commitment to the Jedi Order and a marriage, but you can still care deeply about another person. I do very much appreciate that aspect of their relationship and it’s very well done from that perspective.

3. So, why SiriWan after all these years? Well, I’m drawn to Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship for several reasons, but mostly because they are written as equals/partners (as I had mentioned above), both have moments where you can see the love they hold for one another - their feelings are very much shared and not one sided, but above all it’s not the main defining factor of their relationship. They are Jedi and friends before anything else, and I love that! It may not be as flashy or maybe even as passionate as say Satine or Cody but to me it’s more full and well rounded. I can also see their relationship growing and changing over the years, they aren’t stuck in one place or in the past.  

I also tend to find the Jedi culture more fascinating than the Mandalorians. I know, I know, I’m a heretic. That’s not to say, again that I don’t think Satine on her own isn’t fascinating, I just am a little tired of Mandalore’s importance in virtually every aspect of Star Wars these days and I feel like there is only so much you can do with Obi-Wan having feelings for a Mandalorian, where as him navigating a relationship with another Jedi is more interesting. The Jedi are allowed to be intimate with people, contrary to popular belief they are allowed to love, they just can’t become possessive/attached - I feel like two Jedi would have an easier time navigating that than someone who wasn’t raised with that same code. I think Siri and Obi-Wan have more opportunities to have a more realistic and adult relationship and I like writing/exploring that. 

The other thing I like about Siri and Obi-Wan specifically is the fact that neither ever really considered leaving the Order for the other. They knew how important being a Jedi was to the other, and I think having a love interest that Obi-Wan didn’t consider leaving for is an important distinction. 

Instead he thought they would be able to change the rules/code because he assumed it would be obvious that their love was pure and not an attachment. Now, obviously they both realized later that it was just foolish/young love talking (because I’m sure teenagers have to be extra careful of forming attachments), but what I really adore the concept that Obi-Wan “by the code” Kenobi had loved Siri so much that he’d even remotely consider the idea that he’d want the rules to change for her/them (and Siri “by the code” Tachi felt the same about him). There is something incredibly romantic about that - naïve, but romantic. 

I also believe that romantic love doesn’t automatically equal “true love”. I personally feel that Obi-Wan and Siri have a love that is on such a deep level that their relationship doesn’t always have to be romantic. They simply just love one another, in whatever form that takes at any given period in time throughout their lives, sometimes it takes the form of just friends, sometimes lovers, sometimes romantic. And I wish we saw more relationships like that in various media. But I get why we don’t, they are harder to write and less overtly sexy/dramatic.

Also, when someone says the phrase:

“Forgive me if I still think I know you better than anyone.” (Siri)

And it’s followed immediately with:

“You do”  (Obi-Wan)

My heart just melts, because that to me is love!!

4. So, you actually think Obi-Wan loved both Siri & Satine? Yes, I do...100%. I think they all loved other people at different points in their lives. I personally feel that most of Obi-Wan’s various ships (with exceptions of Master/Padawan ships...sorry, just not my bag) actually happened. I could see a young Obi-Wan having a fling with Quinlan Vos (I doubt they could handle more than that), I could definitely see him have an attraction/affection towards Cody (I don’t think given the power dynamic Obi-Wan would ever allow anything to actually happen between them though), I even believe he and Ventress had a rather confusing and passionate night together (maybe even more than one), I can see him easily having a relationship at one point with Taria Damsin (to which Siri would give him endless crap about because he seems to have a thing for Jedi Shadows). I’m sure he even had a relationship with Annileen on Tatooine to help find some comfort during his exile. To me all of that makes so much more sense than him (and Satine) pining away for one another for 20+ years. 

Allowing Obi-Wan to have multiple loves in his life also helps showcase the idea of non-attachment. It’s not that Jedi promote promiscuity - though they won’t judge anyone for it (I see the Jedi very much in the mindset of: it’s your body/your choice) it’s that the idea of attachment means possessing someone, thinking you own someone and also putting that person’s value over others. The idea that Obi-Wan could find love and value in a multitude of lovers to me shows him capable of loving without attachment - He is able to let these people go when the relationship has run its course...it’s very healthy. 

Not to mention that realistically people tend to have multiple relationships and loves throughout their lives. To only ever love one person is incredibly unrealistic, unhealthy and frankly screams attachment to me *cough Anakin, cough*.

In conclusion: If you’re still reading this (did you not have anything better to do with your time???) I do hope you have a bit more of an understanding why I personally like to write Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship instead of his and Satine’s. Though if you read my fics (thank you if you do) I hope you realize that I try to not make the stories all about their relationship - yes, it pops up here and there, but I try not to make it the focal point. I believe both Obi-Wan and Siri are so much more than just a romance and that’s what I really love writing. 

But I raise a glass and toast all of those who prefer to ship Obitine or CodyWan or Ventrobi (or whatever Obi-Wan and Quilan’s ship name is) - I love reading your take on those relationships and I hope you don’t mind if an old SiriWan shipper joins the fun!

Phew, rant over...man, does anyone else have to defend their OTP preferences to strangers?? It’s just so odd to me! 

Thanks for reading, and if you’re a Siri, Obi-Wan or SiriWan fan drop me a line - I can seriously talk about them for hours! 

[pileoftrashsstuff]

Fic because I felt like it, mainly dialogue tho

"Pile what are you doing?" "Doodling."

James curiously peeks at the sketchbook in their hands. "Designs?" He wonders aloud. Seeing messy sketches and little phrases filled with little concepts.

The colorless humanoid nods. "Yeah been doodling a lot lately and hopefully it pays off, ya know?" They pick up the eraser next to them and erasing a little mistake. "I wanna make a little world through art. And hopefully, I'm satisfied with the designs I have created."

James huffs, he twirls the end of his black curly locks between his fingers. "Speaking of designs, how come you haven't drawn anyone other than me?" He smirks. "Am I your favorite?"

"Well you are an easy design choice. " Pile says, chuckling at the offended gasp their design gave them.

"Easy? Well I'm taking offence to that good sir!" He crosses his arms with a huff.

Pile continues drawing, flipping across pages to compare and contrast designs. Numerous pencils (that are most likely stolen) and inking pens (that are stolen) littered the area next to them. An empty pencil case sits next to Pile.

"Can you summon an engine?" James asks, getting bored with the sounds of paper and clicking pens.

"James you know how hard they are to summon right?" Pile huffs as they start another sketch. Messy linings and vague ideas slowly coming out as the pencil moves.

James rolls his eyes. "No not that, I meant the small ones. I want little James Junior."

Pile takes out a different pencil, this one having little gold markings and seems to be made of silver. They draw a little lively shape, the lead seems to be a glowing white.

"Two beady little eyes, a cute little nose, a lovely red livery, and a big personality. There we go." The drawing glows brighter as a little red being floats from the light. It grows to the size of a cylindrical pillow and drops itself on James' lap.

"Hiya there, little bud!" James affectionately pets it, laughing lightly at the little squeaks he gives him. "Been so long since you have used the other sausage engines. How come?"

Pile sighs, putting away the pencil and organising the mess a little. "Well, it would be a hassle having to deal with multiple sausage engines. They look like they can't move but trust me when I say that you will find them in the most unlikely of places."

"Eep!" The sausage engine squeaks as his cheeks are squished. James silently mulls over his thoughts. "You know... This is weird."

"Well what is weird?" Pile asks. A little note written above the sketch and a close up of a design not far from it is messily assembled.

"We are not in any setting, Pile."

Pile looks up and sees nothing but white. Stretching endlessly throughout. "Huh..."Pile shrugs. "Seems like it."

"Why are you so nonchalant over this?" James asks, calm for someone asking such a question. Little James squeaks as his nose is lightly flicked.

"Well, you are a humanized design of a red engine from the classic series and you are currently petting what we like to call a sausage engine as well as talking to a colorless humanoid figure like me who has the ability to summon beings from a sketchbook." Pile breathes heavily after the long tangent.

"Seems like it." James scratches the sausage engines underside, feeling him relax into his lap. "Is this the work of an artist or an author?"

"It depends really." Pile flips to another page. "An artist can draw their design on anything they want, a blank canvas or a drawn room."

James looks back at the sketchbook. Drawings of moving figures and various arrows littered the page. "And an author?"

Pile shrugs. "I'm not an author, bud. I'm merely an amateur artist so take what I say or said with grains of salt." A different pencil is chosen, this one having a stubbier lead for thicker lines.

"It depends on what the author is writing, fanfiction or their own world. They can give you vague ideas or let you explore the world through their own concept art. Some would describe the room to you in detail or the setting they chose is already familiar to you."

James just realized something. "Wait so are we both vaguely clothed or naked?"

"Well it's up to who ever is reading this I guess." Pile shrugs. "We don't even have genitals nor clothes when we were first introduced. Hell, my design does not have a mouth yet I'm still talking aren't I?"

"Huh, never knew that writing can kick your imagination into an overdrive." James faces them. "How was your first experience to writing your own world?"

Pile feels a shiver down their spine as they remember their early days of writing. "It was interesting when I started writing stories of my own. Having to struggle with a lot of dialogue and info-dumping on occasion. Grammar can be your worse nightmare if your don't thread carefully. Especially since I wrote everything down through paper and pencil so one drop of liquid could ruin hours upon hours of work."

"But you enjoyed it very much?" James huffs as his companion wriggles off of his lap. He moves to Pile's lap, wriggling until he relaxes into a comfortable position.

Pile pets the little thing on their lap. "Yep, the countless other little fanfictions and stories say that much. Can't believe I dedicated actual time to the little worlds but it proves to be an exciting adventure when I feel like returning."

Pile looks at the endless white. "You know... I am actually glad that I used to write so much. It helped me revisit countless worlds and works that other people made, from which I have drawn so many inspired ideas from." They look at James.

"And you are now part of those endless worlds. As a humanized engine that is."

James puffs his chest out. "Of course I am! Aren't I very memorable? Practically the first problematic fave everyone seems to have."

"I should bring the others back but I'll save it for a different time." Pile gives the wriggling sausage engine back to James.

"How many did you write?" He adjusted his hold on the little thing, chuckling at the indignant squeaks.

"A lot but we can trudge down the lane when we want to."

"When you want to." James laughs as Pile lightly shoves him.

"Oh shut it you. I want to go home and work on the new designs now."

"Well..." James pats their back. "See you then."

"Alright."

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Quick outline of the changes in Golden Kamuy Vol 24

Here is a general outline of the more relevant changes that take place in Vol 24 compared to the magazine. Note that as usual I won’t dig into minor changes or redraws unless they seem to be relevant for the plot or characterization (or I really like them).

So now let’s start.

WARNING: I hadn’t had the chance to check dialogues yet. I’ll probably do it during Christmas holidays. If there are changes in them that are relevant I’ll update this post as soon as I can.

We spend a moment on the cover, which, like the previous, shows us a character who has never appeared on a cover before and who’s also one of my fave, our charming Roger... I mean Kikuta Mokutarou.

It’s an action scene in which he’s making good use of his beloved Nagant while wearing Toni’s scarf... and he’s not alone on this cover.

Ariko is also with him, ready to fire at his opponent. The background is Sapporo as we can recognize the building as appearing in chap 232 when the characters are in Sapporo.

Really, I love this cover and I was hoping so bad to have a Kikuta cover...

Anyway this is our updated list of covers.

Noda please, give us a Boutarou cover as well!

We then move to the colour page.

It’s the image with Tsukishima and Koito that was used as a cover for chap 251. It’s a fitting image considering this volume starts with the chapter in which the cooperation between Tsukishima and Koito began.

A colour cover that was in the chapters included in this volume and that instead isn’t shown is the one of chap 234.

Maybe Noda will use it later.

No summaries for this volume. Pity.

This volume counts 9 chapters only and changes are pretty tame but, as usual there are additions of extra pages and panels to expand scenes that already were in the magazine version so we can better understand what’s going on and of scenes that are redrawn, either to improve their quality, correct mistakes or add to the plot.

Note I’m not going to add them all but only those which are plot relevant (or that I particularly like). Also no scanlations this time as the changes aren’t so characterization or plot relevant you’ll need to read a scanlation to get what’s going on. I’ll add a dialogue explanation though. Keep in mind I might be wrong.

Let’s start with chap 232.

We start with a new opening page for the chapter in which the box says we’re at Asirpa’s grandmother’s house near Otaru and we’re shown that Tanigaki is next to Inkarmat.

As many already know Noda has enlarged Tanigaki’s neck as he watched Osoma and changed a little his expression so, although I know Sensei pays a lot of attention in improving Tanigaki, I won’t show you that.

A line is added to Tsukishima’s dialogue. Now in addition to saying that it might be that Tsurumi doesn’t have a true goal he adds that it might be a lie that Tsurumi is acting for the sake of the dead comrades and for the prosperity of Japan.

Tsukishima’s memory of Tsurumi having finger bones now is enlarged and that shows clearly Tsurumi’s naked feet.

Naked feet had been used to foreshadow the death of a character so is this meant to hint at how Tsurumi too will die?

As everyone knows I’m partial for Ogata I’ll show him adjusting his bandages. I wonder, does he have the glass eye already and he’s trying to get adjusted to it?

Asirpa and Boutarou’ hair had been redrawn, which makes them better but it’s nothing big.

We move to chap 233.

After Ueji manages to disappear noda added more dialogue between Sugimoto, Shiraishi and Asirpa.

Sugimoto asks for confirmation that the boss they met was called Wakayama and Shiraishi asks Asirpa if she’s certain that guy said they would never be able to find the gold. Asirpa says that’s what it sounded like and Shiraishi asks what they will do now, wondering if they should go after the candy seller or continue to pursue the pirate. Sugimoto thinks he should have stripped the candy seller and Asirpa wonders if maybe she heard wrong.

Noda also expanded the scene with Boutarou and the old Ainu. Now Boutarou is no more heavily shaded at the start and his men are more active.

Pirate Boutarou’s main henchman (子分 ‘Kobun’) now has a name, Gontō Kōjirō (權堂 公二郎は) and he’s better drawn. 

The old Ainu says Boutarou won’t find the gold because his sons also went looking for it but it wasn’t anywhere.

Those are very good improvements, if you ask me.

Chap 234...

...continues the tradition of better drawing Boutarou’s hair (which are also often drawn longer than previously) and also gives him a better pose.

The postman also has a name now he is Nozawa Niheiji (野沢 仁平治).

Shiraishi is definitely more worried when he meets Boutarou.

...but Boutarou looks even happier to meet him, while his reaction catches the captain’s attention.

The sailors are better drawn and there’s even a new small panel of a sailor trying to catch Sugimoto’s rifle.

Sugimoto gets an extra page in which he’s shown throwing the sailor off the boat...

...and then some more panels as he fights the other sailor as well.

Really Noda is so good at drawing fighting scenes...

He also expanded the scene of Boutarou talking to Shiraishi about Sugimoto.

...and redrew Gontou with the other henchmen, who’re shown wet because they too had previously ended up in the water.

Really, a lot of additions for this chapter and I love how Noda tried giving the henchmen some characterization now, despite them being merely plot devices.

We continue with chap 235.

I’ll say in the cover Noda better drew the water. It’s not terribly relevant though, so I’m not showing it, i just love the man for the care in this details.

Better image of best boy Shiraishi...

...but there are also a lot of images that are better drawn.

The order of the panels is switched a little as in the magazine the bandits would knock at the door, then we would see Shiraishi praying the boat would hurry then we’ll go back to Asirpa and the postman.

In the volume first we see Shiraishi and Sugimoto praying the boat would hurry then we go to the bandits knocking and then to Asirpa and the postman, with the scene mostly redrawn.

Noda actually put a lot of care in redrawing the postman who now to me look even more like Clint Eastwood.

The shooting fight also gets better drawn and so the boat crashing against it. But my fave redrawn is the one of Boutarou and Shiraishi cheering, which now shows a much more happier Shiraishi and a childishly cheering Boutarou. I love those two!

Noda then proceeds to show how Boutarou is very angry at the idea 3 of his men were shoot... which better explains why he took an anchor and attacked without regard for the people. Similarly to Sugimoto, when he’s furious he’s dangerous... and it’s possible he grew so angry because he was fond of those men.

We then see Boutarou take matters (and an anchor) in his hands...

Another redrawn is in the Boutarou/Sugimoto confrontation.

And with this to chap 236 we go.

Again, some scenes or expressions are drawn better here.

Plus we get some redrawing when Boutarou explains things.

We’ve a new panel of Sugimoto turning down Boutarou’s idea.

Then we get more interaction between Boutarou and Sugimoto as Sugimoto’s reveal of his past now involves more Shiraishi and Asirpa.

And we better dig into Boutarou’s connection with Sugi.

Sugimoto’s expression after he pet the cat is much more dramatic...

...his eyes losing their light.

Chap 237 continues expanding things.

We get a flashback in which Boutarou remembers the cigarette case was Heita’s.

The volume shows us the gold is a lot more than the one we see in the magazine version.

The scene about Botarou trying to kill Sugimoto and Shiraishi is expanded.

Boutarou seems genuinely shocked when Gontou is hit by the spinning wheel, stretching is hand as if he were wishing to bring him aid.

Differently from teh magazine he won’t be smiling when he tries to drwon Sugimoto...

...and the two will fight a lot more. Sugimoto tries to kick Boutarou a lot and Boutarou uses his long hair to tie Sugimoto’s foot and pull him down.

It’s beautiful and definitely worth buying the manga.

We are at Chap 238.

A small panel about Asirpa explaining Sugimoto about Heita.

We’ve then more interaction between Boutarou and Asirpa.

I find interesting how again we’re show Sugimoto saying hinna but not Asirpa.

And so we reach chap 239.

Jack/Ostrog’s face is still kept in the dark at first, but his clothes are much more visible. The battle between him and Usami is expanded and sorry, no, I’m not going to show it. Still Noda is more comfortable showing him, his face partially visible (and Kikuta too as his eyes were back in the magazine).

And it’s when Kikuta see him we’ve the big reveal and it makes A LOT MORE SENSE having it here than as late as it happened in the manga. And honestly that lateness feels it was due to Noda not having chosen yet how to characterize him.

We can also see that on his genitals there’s a birthmark... which explains why Kikuta comments on getting a look on his face and member, because now he can recognize him either by looking at his face or by looking at... something else.

So yeah, Ostrog/Jack stops being a dark silouette.

Noda let us hear his thoughts after he killed those two women.

We’ve a flashback from Kikuta, showing Jack/Ostrog’s face and how he had a birthmark in a... peculiar area, which is why Kikuta remarked it was relevant he saw it.

And now we move to the last chap of the volume chap 240.

Ostrog is now clearly visible where before he was just a dark shadow.

A new panel showing how Kirawus... well, he didn’t quite disguise himself, albeith he did something, he tried to sell fireworks.

Another new panel showing how Kadokura in his disguise, can’t pick up coins.

When Ishikawa explains about Jack the Ripper Noda added people walking in the image of the city he drew and also showed a nespaper talking of Jack. The writing on the newspaper explains how in Japan the case became a hot topic in 1888 and how in 1900 they started to call the killer ‘Kirisaki Jack' (切り裂きジャック “Jack the ripper”).

We’ve another image of Ostrog/Jack when Ishikawa talks about him.

And we finish with the last page which shows the faces of Ostrog and Ueji.

And that’s all.

Well, actually no. The one thanking the editor is...  I’ll let you see for yourself.

And that’s all for this volume. While there’s nothing drastic in terms of new content, it better flashed out the relationship between Boutarou and his underlings, giving a name to the main one of them, better showed how Boutarou fought underwater and handled Ostrog/Jack WAAAYYY better than the magazine version where it seems Noda remained undecided on his character design for a much longer time and that’s why he obscured his face, making the reveal pretty anticlimatic as nothing big justifying it happened.

Here instead it’s just perfect so really, I recommend you to buy this new volume of Golden Kamuy, either in Japanese or as soon as it comes out in your country!

[chaotictommy]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED... I WAS NOMINATED BY @transjohnnylawrence .......... Omg 😱 😭🤧😂

okay, so I’ve prepared a speech... or — well...

I’d like to thank my mom, my — what am I saying?

Thank you @transjohnnylawrence Ferris you rock man 💖🌻💖

Okay, let’s do this....

It’s the year 2021 and you’re obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?:

Hell yeah! I love TKK, I’m feeling great about it, and I mean, I’ve met a lot of great people in the fandom and great friends <3 Cobra Kai is awesome too!

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?:

Lol, I guess I grew up with it? I saw TKK when I was six or seven years old and it’s a good memory because my dad was there from one of his excruciatingly long deployments and he had found it on television and he scooped me up and set me in his lap and we watched it together. Of course he fell asleep halfway through and the only reason he woke up was because I tried to do the flying kick that Bobby does to take out Danny’s knee, and I fell over and ended up busting my knee a little on the side of the coffee table, my dad woke up and ended up telling me off for hurting myself, but we sat down and watched the last minute, after he’d put a bandaid on my knee. My dad ended up getting it at the library a while later on VHS so I could see the beginning and ending because I had missed both, it’s kind of one of the best memories I have of my dad. After that, a lot of stuff happened in my life and I kinda forgot about it till I saw a trailer for Cobra Kai, and after that I rented the film from my local library, and watched it about five times... then on a different site I met @transjohnnylawrence and he asked me to a TKK watch party, which honestly was the best. ✨ I’ve met a lot of great people in this fandom and I am so happy that I found it again, because I’ve made some friends... <3 but I said that already :) ✨

We gotta do the basics. Favourite character:

TOMMY!!! lol... I don’t actually know... I love them all, but Bobby, Jimmy, Dutch, or Tommy for TKK, definitely Jessica is a top fave and I don’t mind Ali... my favorite character in Cobra Kai has to be either Robby or Amanda... or Moon or Demetri... but I really relate to Robby

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?:

I prefer neither. I guess I tend to go for the whole Mr. Miyagi speech about balance. That or ‘Get him a body bag, yeahhh,’ — Actually, I once changed the line just a little to use. I once flunked down into a chair at a cafeteria table, set my head down on the table, and stated ‘get me a body bag,’ and my friend looked at me and said ‘exams are going that bad huh?’ and I just nodded and proceeded to fall asleep on the table because I hadn’t had any sleep... also, I said ‘Get him a body bag’ once when my sister jokingly told me to sike our dad out when we were playing pool in teams... and I took it literally and my dad just looked very surprised and started laughing.... but yeah... what was the question? if i had to choose, it would be Sweep the Leg ... Or Wax on, Wax off, depending on my mood Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favourite?:

The silly little flannel with the camo pants... since I have worn something very similar and been teased for it... 😅😂 there’s so many that I liked though... I really dislike that he wears only suits now and they’re the stuffy kind...

Favourite ship:

Johnny/Jimmy, Dimmy (Dutch/Jimmy), I blame two fanfic writers for this one, but — Johnny/Bobby/Dutch... Also, Dutch/Tommy, Dutch/Jimmy/Tommy, Kumiko/Jessica/Ali, Bonny, Lucille/Miyagi and Johnny/Bobby/Tommy/Jimmy/Dutch, And Tommy/Ali... for CK, I’m big into Sam/Demetri, Robby/Moon, and Hawk and Demetri but as Binary Brothers ............. there’s too many

Underrated character:

JeSsIcA — yeah, definitely Jessica! And Tommy! And Jimmy! Dutch! And totally Bobby... but Jessica is definitely number One ☝️ in my underrated characters list...

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):

i like Jimmy/Dutch or Tommy/Ali but Kumiko/Jessica/Ali are top on my list... that and Bobby/Freddy (They’d look pretty cute together, I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️) that and Thera— Tommy/Johnny ... for CK it’s definitely Sam/Aisha or Amanda/Johnny lol... joking with that one... Robby/Moon

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:

screw Terry Silver! NO SERIOUSLY SCREW HIM AND KREESE... I want to see Jessica and Dutch!!! and more of the Og Cobras 🐍 😩♥️ Maybe even Julie... but definitely Jessica and Dutch (Lol I feel strongly about this)

Scene that lives in your head rent-free:

the goodbye scene with Tommy in Take a Right... it just sticks with me even though it’s a sad scene... but just hearing them talk by the campfire and seeing Tommy giving Johnny advice and helping him... and also, just... yeah, that just 🥺... got stuck in my head... that or the scene with Robby where he finds his childhood artwork at his dad’s apartment, I get emotionally drawn in thinking about my own childhood, for TKK it was the scene where Bobby is disqualified and throws his belt down in front of Kreese and walks out... and seeing Johnny’s face in the background as Bobby took Daniel out, it just is another sad scene. Or the Halloween fight where Bobby tells Johnny to leave Daniel alone... also, the beach scene with Johnny and Bobby being real pals on their bikes, and Dutch’s yellow helmet rolling across the ground... the soccer tryouts... I love soccer. The learning how to take a fall part because I’ve had that happen (but the kid wasn’t on a motorbike, just a regular bike, and it wasn’t a steep hill, but I had another kid knock me off my bike like that :/ )

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?:

oh man, you know it, that kid is gonna be like the master of Karate or something... that kid’s got mad skills... ha! I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️ he’s there as a foil or something... anyways, he absolutely annoys the heck out of me because he reminds me of a kid I babysat once... but yeah, they’ll probably make him more relevant...

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?:

Oh dang, yeah... ummmm, well... I think Bobby, Jimmy, and Tommy would be my friends... but I think I’d choose Miyagi Do in TKK and help Daniel, while also trying to talk some sense into my friends... in CK, I think I’d pick Miyagi Fang, but before that, I probably would have chosen Cobra Kai when Johnny was Sensei and probably would have jumped ship when Kreese came in. Or, option 3. Fake my death, change my name, and run... (bonus... if Johnny told me to flip the script, I’d give myself a badass name like Hornet, because you don’t really feel the sting till a few minutes later... but it’s bad... or I’d just join Miyagi Do)

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?:

Pfffffft, OTHERWORLD so that it would be like Jimmy got sucked into an alternate dimension and he’s lost with his family... no I’m not currently thinking of writing a Fanfiction about this... or am I? Hmmmmm...

💫 I Nominate @dxrkvibes23

@kingkarate @cobrasandalleycats @strikelikeacobrakai @legolugosi @transdaniellarusso @dream-beyond-the-fantasy @cobrakaikaratedad @johnnywhorance @johnnyavanti (Sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged or have already done this...) 💫

[itsclydebitches]

(1/2) Personally, I could never get into Geralt's relationship with Yennefer when I started reading the books. The first thing we learn about their relationship in The Last Wish, is that he broke up with her because he couldn't stand her possessiveness and the way she treated him. That was massive red flag on it's own already, but then I got to the scene in The Bounds of Reason where Geralt tells her that he doesn't care anymore if she forgives him for breaking up with her. And he's

I’ve finished up my work for the day so I’m going to break this down to pass the time lol. My journey with Yennefer of Vengerberg has basically been: 

Hearing about her prior to getting into Witcher stuff and being legitimately excited to meet this sexy, badass sorceress that everyone is head over heels for. 

Meeting her in The Witcher 3 and hating nearly every moment we spent together (with a few exceptions) because she is rude, self-centered, cares little for the boundaries of others (like frequently invading Geralt’s mind), and will destroy everyone and everything necessary to get what she wants. The fact that what she currently wants is Ciri’s safety doesn’t change how horrible her actions are. 

Getting reassurance that CDPR butchered her characterization and believing it because when has an adaptation not messed something up? God knows that’s happened to many of my faves. 

Reading The Last Wish for myself and going, “She’s not better here. She worse.” 

Coming to the Realization™ that Sapkowski, as an author very interested in undermining fantasy tropes, must be deconstructing the concept of True Love/Love At First Sight. After all, we’re not actually supposed to believe that a woman who treats Geralt like Yen does, a man who is canonically so lonely he’s picking up bards on the side of the road, and the both of them being bound together by highly suspect magic is supposed to be representative of real, healthy, destined love. These two are incredibly dysfunctional together and the point is for them not to stay as a couple, demonstrating that neither the characters nor the reader can bank on tired structures (like Hot Male Protagonist meeting Hot Female Protagonist) as evidence of “true love.” Sexual attraction and a djinn wish does not a healthy relationship make. 

The further, disappointing realization that this is not, in fact, the point Sapkowski is trying to make. Or if it somehow is he hasn’t done a good job of writing it. 

Struggling with other aspects of the series, notably how many of the women are written/treated. Finding it difficult to get into the main story-line. Coming to the conclusion that, like Doyle, I massively prefer Sapkowski’s style in a short-story format. 

Deciding to put the books on hold for a while and check out some other material. Maybe I’ll like Yen in the comics! 

I do not like Yen in the comics. Neither does Vesemir.

I post a few times about this dislike and marvel at how often events are twisted to paint Yen as a victim. One moment stands out regarding Yen dumping you in the lake in Witcher 3. When I expressed discomfort that she would do this to Geralt and then “jokingly” threaten to kill him next, someone basically asked me, “Well, did you pick the dialogue option where you’re an asshole to her?” It was asked with such confidence that for a moment I floundered. Had I chosen something that justified such treatment? Yet this is the exchange: 

“Yen... Told you already. I lost my memory.” 

“And I’ve lost my patience.”

(Side note: Yen is fully aware of how much Geralt despises portals.)

I begin to realize that a lot of the fandom truly believes that “Expressing a fact” equals “Being an asshole” to Yen. That any disagreement is automatically asshole behavior. Which is how Yen herself views the world. As fans have pointed out – myself included – she has a habit of rejecting responsibility and convincing others she’s the victim in most situations (with the one exception I can think of being her admitting that she destroyed the sacred site in Skellige), whether we’re talking about her condemning Geralt for sexualizing her (ignoring that she orchestrated that situation) or likewise condemning him for leaving her (ignoring that her behavior is what drove him away). I find myself re-emphasizing to others that my issue is not with flawed characters, but rather how Sapkowski’s story and the fandom insist that Yen isn’t actually flawed in these ways. 

Watching the Netflix adaptation and promising myself that I’m going to give Yen a clean slate. Let’s start over. I connect with her for the first few episodes and then everything falls apart once she starts blaming others for her own decisions, getting obsessed with a biological child in a world filled with adoptions, abandoning a woman to die because she dared to insult her, having to re-watch her taking over Geralt’s mind only this time with an orgy that’s super iffy in regards to consent… There’s a lot going on there. 

My friend – who knew I disliked a character but didn’t know who/why because I didn’t want to bias her ahead of time – slams into my texts talking about how much she hates Yen too. 

I make a few more posts expressing my personal discomfort with their relationship + how the fandom tends to erase her behavior for endless praise, rather than just acknowledging that they love the ship and Yen has done horrible things. I get a couple of anons (which I delete) about how I’m just a misogynistic – and now racist – asshole who can’t understand how badass she is.

I grapple with the fact that my primary ships are indeed Geralt/Jaskier and Geralt/Regis. Maybe I am drawn only to Hot White Guys and have internalized misogyny to work through? Then I remember the hundreds of other het/femslash ships I adore, the thousands of other badass women in media – including the Witcher – that I love and conclude that no, I just really don’t like relationships where parties are cruel/disrespectful/borderline abusive to one another. Hence why I criticized Netflix for taking an already wonderful relationship between Geralt and Jaskier and making Geralt insult him all the time/punch him. 

More and more I find myself uncomfortable with fans taking scenes where Yen verbally accosts someone, assaults them, or otherwise does them dirty and talk seriously about how they aspire to be her. I experience an intense need to remind everyone that being a badass and standing up for yourself does not mean treating people the way Yen frequently treats others. 

I read a lot about how many fans can’t get behind a Geralt/Triss pairing because of how Triss treated him in the past, even if she’s now improved. I completely agree. I wonder though why the same doesn’t seem to apply to Yen. I’m told I just need to read more of the books (which I’m honestly not eager to do) because she gets so much better later on. Don’t you care about character growth? When I respond, “Yes, but even if she does grow I’m not comfortable with that relationship because of all she’s done in the past – to say nothing of what she does in the future if we take the games as canon too.” That response does not go over well. So Triss’ past actions justify a reader’s discomfort with the relationship, but Yen’s past actions have to be forgiven? Witcher and RWBY are the only fandoms I’ve come across where women can commit truly heinous acts  and the response is “Yas queen!” rather than, “Huh, that’s a cool antagonist.” 

As I work through these differing opinions I’m constantly reminded that Yen is an excellent mother to Ciri and each time I wonder what bearing that has on how she treats Geralt. 

I’m likewise reminded of all the Big and Important sacrifices Yen has made for her family. Those deserve acknowledgment! But it doesn’t change her everyday behavior. Even if Yen stopped pulling shit like mind control, torture necromancy, and scaring people to the point where they assume she’ll rain fire down on them if they disagree, she just doesn’t extend basic kindness/respect on a day-to-day basis. Some people love that in a character. I personally don’t. I find Yen to be a vain person who puts her own self-comfort over others’ lives just as often as she deigns to save them. Dandelion is just going to have to wait until she’s had a bath before his curse is lifted. Margarita will have to do without her help because Yen doesn’t want to get her clothes dirty: 

“Mucking through ruins and sewers, hmm. I’d rather leave it to the expert.” 

“Meaning you’d rather waltz in once the hard work’s done.” 

I finally finish The Witcher 3 and find Yen tolerable from the boat onward, mostly because we don’t have to do much with her. 

I start the first Witcher game, wondering how I’ll find her in the first two installments. Frankly, at this point I’m not terribly optimistic. 

And every once in a blue moon, in a sea of post-Netflix Yen adoration, I see a post going, “Hey, ship what you ship but can we just acknowledge that this relationship isn’t the happy-go-lucky, super healthy, #goals pairing that most of the fandom wants to paint it as?” and I’m compelled to reblog :D

[ccsthemovie2]

YUE!!!! yue yue yue

LETS SEE IF I CAN TRANSFER MY DRAFT TO ASK ON MOBILE W/O MESSING UP FORMATTING HORRIFICALLY WOOOOOO

YUEEEEE AN ASK AFTER MY OWN HEART <33 this is, again, super long AND YET NOT THE FULL EXTENT OF MY YUE THOUGHTS, PROBABLY??? this is a fave from a decade back or so this runs DEEP. Why I like them:

yue has just been a lifelong fave tbh. a beautiful and serious anime boy???? AND he’s the moon????? superficials aside, i am always really drawn to characters who struggle with being overly loyal to a sense of authority and deal with figuring out they’re allowed to have individual wants and needs. yue is incredibly ride or die and nearly everyone’s like....maybe don’t die actually!!! and yue says [there was a manga cap here of touya asking yue to take care of himself and yue going >:///.....alright]

it is also really funny how he immediately goes from I WILL KILL YOU to extremely protective i-am-your-angel-dad, both to watch, and to see new friends get into ccs and hear the hype about yue and go oh i cant wait to see your favori-AAAHHH HE PUNCHED TWO TEN YEAR OLDS WHATTT.

Why I don’t:

gotta say it, his clear card hit-fakeout was kinda weird, good thing i have rewritten that scene and can just refer to my personal-writing-folder discord server when need be,

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

JUDGEMEEENNNTTTT AND ALSO THE STUCK IN BIG FORMS EP AAAAHHHHH . episodes ive watched a billion times. when i was a kid i liked judgement bc i was like HES SO COOOL AND MEEEAN YESSS DEFEAT SAKURA WITH HER OWN MAGIC GO GO and now im like HE IS CARRYING OUT A USELESS CEREMONY AND FIGHTING A FIGHT HE CANNOT WIN TO MAKE EVERYONE FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE A CHOICE WHEN SAKURA’S BEEN CHOSEN FROM THE START WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and to top it ALL off sakura telling him she wants to be his friend and him not taking her offered hand? OUCHH... ;w; big forms ep is HILLARIOUS bc its soooooo AWKWARD. the awkwardness of being at someone else’s house... trying to talk to your host when the ONLY topics you have in common are “i know a few things about your dead crush” and “my other self is YOUR crush”. sakura telling him that her dad insists love can last through reincarnation and eriol specifically being like “give up on clow because he’s dead” later, and he’s spying on this whole ep so he must be rolling around laughing right then. the fact that neither of these couples is healthy whatsoever but everyone’s working with what they have to try and lessen the awkward, and oh no its worse now. kero picking up on the clowtime pattern of “i have to do all the work around here” but honestly its just that it’s kero’s house and yue’s awkwardly hovering and sakura really really doesnt wanna make her intimidating guest do stuff. WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE BC ITS SUPER AWKWARD. yue then cleaning the entire kitchen while sakura is cleaning off kero. 10/10 episode.

Favorite season/movie:

sakura card arc!

Favorite line:

when he shows up at sakura’s house and and sakura’s like :0 and hes like get used to it.

Favorite outfit:

the one from that pic i have in my about where he has this light blue hair wrap aaahhhh

OTP:

YUEKITOUYAAAAAAAAAAAA. yukito and touya dating happily and then yue a few years later like OH. I ALSO LOVE HIM. yukito being super supportive and happy of it. yue and touya both feeling like “whats an amazing guy like him doing with someone like me...”. yue going in thinking oh i know what love is and touya raising the bar constantly. its good!!

Brotp:

him and yukito!! two people waking up in their situation scared and upset and stuck together, making the most of it as only they can. i think a lot of them both being like “noooo i want YOU to be happy and comfortable” and trying to do little things for the other when each is taking their turn being active. yue making yukito tea and getting him out of bed when he neeeds to wake up but just feels sluggish, yukito buying little moon decorations for the house he thinks yue would like....aaahhh yukito getting glow in the dark star stickers omg...realizing that there’s no one they’d rather share a life with like that. i think yukito’s the sort of person who doesn’t like to appear uncertain and takes his time being sure before communicating, and theres a sense of pride on yue’s part that he’s the only person, often not even touya, who gets to hear yukito put his thoughts together and be that sort of sounding board. yukito “growing up” in a big “often”-empty house i think leads to him talking to the air a lot, and now that’s yue!!

him and sakura, too!! slowly taking her up on her offer of friendship!! there’s an amazing bit soon after judgement where just her asking frantically if he’s okay??? if he’s SURE he’s okay???? after getting hurt protecting her makes him stop and stare....the switch flipped he is her dad now. i want him to feel like he can talk to her, especially about the Before Times, weigh the things he thinks are too heavy for a child against the things he wants to be heard, maybe see her face and be like oh boy i got it wrong sometimes. and also the knowledge that this is a friendship they chose for themselves!! that they were Predicted to mean different things to each other, but it would be something inappropriate and draining and a cruelty to carry out. this is an unpaved road!! if i keep going on and on i will go on all day but HIM AND KERO!!! HIM AND THE CARDS!!!! HIM AND LI, AND TOMOYO, AND oh just let him be surrounded by friends!!!!

Head Canon:

extremely touchy. like the first thing he did when he showed up for judgement was grab sakura’s face and i think thats just how he is. i think nobody in the clowsehold had any awareness of personal space and yue got so steeped in it that he is just like that now. big on affectionate hair ruffles esp with the kids and putting-an-arm-around-people that he’s barely aware of. it makes yukito a little sad to know that he and yue can never really connect like that but if he hugs himself yue will feel it so it works out!!

Unpopular opinion:

(gets up on stage) clowyue!! (half the crowd boos half the crowd cheers) was HORRIBLE (the cheering/booing crowd halves switch confusedly) essentially i really like to think about the wreckage and then healing from the sort of toxic imbalanced ambiguously requited never-labeled faux-relationship feelings-yoyo i imagine it to have been. but that means i need to acknowledge it happened. unfortunately most people who make ship content do so because they like it, and most people who dont make ship content do so because they dislike it. can you believe it?

A wish:

go to therapy please

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

DO NOT SEPARATE THEM

5 words to best describe them:

ok he looks very polite

My nickname for them:

moonboy...

[eveninglottie]

write what you want regardless of the genders. it's better to spit the story out and then go back and revise then get hung up on whether or not every interaction or plot point could be part of an 800 word call-out tweet-longer that briefly trends on fanfic twitter. everyone comes at fiction from their own distinct background. you could write the most 'pure' romance ever, regardless of the genders, and it could still inadvertently trigger someone or raise concerns. comfort can be misleading.

so I don’t want you to think I’m disagreeing with you here, because you’re right. people spend way too much time thinking out the possible doomsday scenarios of what they might do instead of just doing it to see what happens. I am one of those people, for sure, it’s stopped me from doing pretty much everything I’ve ever wanted to do my whole life, so we’re on the same page here with both the concept of not worrying about what other people will think and also how no one holds the magic gatekeeping key which dictates what is problematic or not. every person is different and some things will upset people in a way that doesn’t upset you. that’s just a given. 

but I think that’s not really helpful when you’re trying to figure out your own motivations for doing something. 

like, yes, is a lot of this affected by how I think other people will react to things I create? of course. everything i do will be affected by how I think other people will react. that’s just how my brain works, and it’s my job to keep growing more confident in myself to counteract that (because the older you get you really do give less of a fuck and boy it’s so nice!!) what I was trying to bring up in that post was my own reasons for feeling more comfortable writing one thing than another. 

because I just think it’s fascinating and complicated and I’ve mentioned more than once to friends that it really just surprised me how freeing writing m/m has been vs m/f. it’s like my descent into sk was this moment of enlightenment when I realized “hey this is a hell of a lot easier to talk about when there are two boys involved!” like I realize that the majority of my writing the past two years has been on my own, and even though I can tell you’ve I’ve written well over 500k words and only posted maybe a fifth of that I can’t prove what I’m about to say so you’re just going to have to take my word for it, BUT I’ve included so much more discussion about sexuality and how characters express it and grow with it and figure out for themselves what they are. like it was never a thing I thought about a lot when I was writing my m/f fics (even tho all the women were still bi but that’s a whole other barrel of monkeys). it was never me sitting down and interrogating my choice for writing that pairing the way I did. I just did it. (I didn’t stop to consider the gender is what I mean, I thought about literally all the other things but gender and sexuality were not included in that) but now there’s a whole other sphere of characterization that I keep finding myself drawn to, and even without realizing it, it becomes a big part of how I write certain characters. (like deciding to write keith as demi while still being sexually and physically attracted to shiro has been really eye opening for me as someone on the asexual spectrum.)

because like, for example, I wrote a fem!bilbo fic, right? so clearly I was thinking about gender a bit, but most of that had to do with me having always reimagined that story (and lotr) with female protagonists. that’s what I did with a lot of childhood faves, actually, eragon, harry potter being two of the most prominent, and thinking about fem!bilbo and how that would change the story especially if she was in a relationship with thorin and the shire was maybe a bit more stifling for a woman, etc. - BUT that was one of those pairings that I’d never been drawn to when it was m/m. I couldn’t really get into it, and I was not a fan of the hobbit movies at all, honestly, and I tried, and it was only when I switched things around did that fic click for me, but I wonder a lot if I were to have come to hobbit fic later, after I’d gotten over my aversion to m/m (not in general, just me writing it, because reasons), would I have written it with bilbo as a boy? would I have been less likely to imagine bilbo as a woman? or was it a number of factors that led me to write that fic which really couldn’t have existed in any other incarnation, and would it have been a different fic entirely?

(the hp thing in particular is SO WEIRD to think about now because a lot of what I’ve been grappling with in my drarry fic is very male-centric? not like in a bad way, just thinking about the rivalry and bonds between boys and how boys look up to their male mentors and authority figures in very different ways than they do their female counterparts and also what does being interested in other boys do to one’s internalized and very misogynistic/homophobic ideas of Legacy and Family and Proper Gender Expression specifically when it comes to sex with other men like it’s Very Gendered in my head and it’s hard to separate that from what I used to be interested in which has expressed itself in other ways, specifically roslyn as chosen one in ascendant which I’ve said before was the result of a decade of rewriting those boy heroes as girls because I felt so connected to them and wanted girls to be every bit as important as boys, like I could draw a straight line from me writing bits and bobs of girl!harry as a fourteen year old and me writing roslyn in ascendant and wow I kind of want to punch myself in the face for how long I’ve rambled on about my own stuff but you know what no this is my tumblr and I get to obsessively and exhaustively talk about my own fictional worlds if I want to)

so it’s been a bit of a mindfuck trying to reconcile this shift in my own interests with the fact that I am a woman who identifies as largely asexual. and I think it’s important to sit down with yourself every once in a while and really look at the things you produce and do some self-examination. because I do wonder a lot if my comfort writing m/m now is because of this lack of pressure I normally feel when writing female characters or if it’s because I don’t have to interact with Me As Author so much when I write about boys because I am not a boy or if it’s because I feel a lot more comfortable identifying as queer when for the majority of my life I’d forced myself to be straight even though it didn’t feel right. 

then there’s the whole conversation about women writing m/m and how a lot of queer men feel they’re being fetishized or that their stories are being appropriated by women, in the same way that white people writing stories about people of color can be appropriative, men writing about women, straights writing about lgbtq+, cis people writing about trans or genderqueer people, et cetera with literally any minority being written by someone not from that minority, right? 

and I think it’s a bit reductive to say that it doesn’t matter. because it does matter. you’re right in saying that it matters to someone and I think the job of anyone who creates any kind of content is to think about that and be mindful that you don’t create in a vacuum. your art has power even if you don’t think it does, if you don’t want it to, and that’s something no one should take for granted.

now, I am not saying that certain people do not have the right to write certain stories. no one has the right to write anything, just as no one is forbidden from writing anything. and no one writing anything should be harassed for writing something that people perceive is out of their wheelhouse (because a lot of marginalizations are not visible! abuse, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity, whether you’re neurotypical or not! and there’s no requirement that you make public your trauma/identity to provide cred! in fact it’s kind of horrific that anyone thinks this!) it’s a complicated dynamic but the more we talk about these things the easier it is when a marginalized person says, “hey this thing you wrote is kind of bad,” the writer can go “oh man I’m sorry, let me think about it and see what I did wrong so I can do better in the future” OR “oh wow I see what you mean, but this is important to me” and the reader can go “I respect your right to write what you want and in the future I’ll do more to shield myself from this kind of content” instead of Cancelling someone because they didn’t effectively prostrate themselves before the ultimate judges of problematic content, a bunch of randos on the internet.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, yes, I agree with you that it’s not necessary to worry about this stuff, and that a lot of it is energy wasted especially when you’re worrying about theoretical responses from people who read your stuff, but that’s not helpful to me, because I think that’s disregarding the fact that we live in a society with weird power dynamics that are constantly shifting. I think it’s my job as someone who is mentally capable of dealing with this kind of self-examination to push back on some of these things when I can. because if I didn’t challenge myself every once in a while, I wouldn’t grow as a person or a writer and if there was one mantra I would live my life by besides the assertion that I would be blissfully happy if I downloaded my consciousness into a robot body, it would be that You Have To Be Okay With Critique and It’s Good When People Call You Out In A Safe Setting, like everyone is a dick and an asshole and a Bad Person and pretending you’re not is the most useless battle you could ever fight. we contain multitudes and some of those tudes are downright ugly.

quick sidebar: I would not have been able to have this kind of conversation with myself four years ago, and something I have not even talked about is how my shift toward more m/m content began at the same time as I was getting used to getting medical treatment for my grab bag of mental illnesses, like it’s pretty obvious that I got into sk right about the time I settled into my meds so what does That even mean?? so many THINGS to consider!!

idk. I know when I write stuff like this people think I’m beating myself up over it, but I’m really not. I just like talking about it sometimes and this tumblr is where all my neuroses go to live forever more in the annals of this blue hell until I chicken out and delete them the next day. I guess I know that when I read other people talking about things I’ve also been thinking about, it’s nice to hear. and as this is something that is still new to me, fandom in general is still bonkers to a part of my brain because I came into it as an adult, the whole conversation (if there even is a conversation because there might not be but there’s one going on in my brain) about women writing m/m is interesting complicated and something I think about a lot. clearly without any real focus or conclusions to be drawn, because I dropped out of college and never learned how to make my point in a concise and understandable manner. 

anyway I hope you don’t read this as me arguing with you nonny, I just wanted to clarify what I mean in the original post

[mafiabosstsuna]

Last request for my fave blog. A bittersweet ending for S/O and Tsuna. I didn't think it through, I just really want a bitter (more bitter) sweet ending. o (∩ ω ∩) o

((This will be heavily influenced by the prompt of Tsuna’s fiancé thinking that he still likes Kyoko, and of course, all the cheating prompts I know is all our guilty pleasure. - Admin Nana))

“How do you know if you are in love?” Her words are whispered softly, so tiny that they were almost carried by the wind. There is something in her eyes, something vulnerably guarded as she peers into the clear waters of the pond, never once looking upon you. But you could tell that there was something on her mind from just the way she stood, tension wound into her shoulders and her smile, from what little you could see peeking through the strands of her hair, were brittle and uncertain.

You wondered what it was that made her ask such a question.

And then you thought, looking upwards with careful consideration. A warm blooming smile spread across your lips, even as the words fell away, carried with a certain bit of truth that would be remembered.

“Because…” You start slowly, thinking of the man whose entire being simply burned, a supernova that wheeled you away from your gravity and into his own. A place that sometimes made you feel would destroy you, only to be unable to look away, and at times even be seeking the wonders that were just him alone. “…you start to think that sometimes… some things… are just worth getting your heart broken for.”

She looked to you in question, brows furrowed.

It was obvious from the very beginning how it would end.

Even on that sunny day with the smell of autumn on the wind tickling your nose, and the leaves changing colour for a new season. When she had asked that question, deep in the very crevices of your heart, the parts you never wished to look too closely to, knew very well what would happen. You had just never wished to see. Never wanted to even hear, because the truth was just too much to bear, too horrible to comprehend when you were already drowning in the very life of him.

It had always been obvious…

It was the way he looked at her.

The way his eyes just seemed to soften, tense lines smoothing out and stress falling away into nothing when she would walk into the room. He never looked to you like that, as if just by sight alone, the nightmares, the demons lingering at the visages of his world could just wash away. His whole undivided attention on her, his very being just… as if seeming to want to breathe her in, to relish in the angel tightly wound inside a human skin, and you could see it now, looking back on it, that she was special to him… where you were not.

You had known it for a long time that there was never a chance for you in his heart, in his soul, in the deepest parts of him when it had already been dug and nestled into by another. Yet still, you had eagerly bared yourself open so fully, even as the darkest whispers of your own mind told you that it would never be so, that such a man whose eyes glowed differently than others, whose smile and charm were just too good to be true, could never be yours.

If only you hadn’t hoped.

Hoped so much that your heart was enough, that he could be satisfied with what you could give, of anything that could be with you. Even when your throat closed up, hoping beyond anything else that perhaps everything would be okay. But that wasn’t the case was it, even when he proposed, the tight beautiful ring sitting on your finger, it just wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

You realized that now, as you turned to Yamamoto, your smile a little too plastic, just a little too forced. He was there in front of you, but all you could think about was the long hallway behind you feeling much too close, your ears ringing with the drawn-out moans and whispers of something you never wanted to admit to.

The idea that perhaps while your heart was his, the same could not be said for him.

(Why did he have to burn so much? Why did he have to choke the life out of you? Words that could build and break and reform your way of living, leaving behind so many scars you had chosen to ignore, ones that had built heavily in your heart and were tearing you apart all at once in this moment.)

“Ah… Yamamoto… could you please tell Tsuna, I left this for him?”

He gave you a sad smile, and you realized, that it wasn’t just you who had known. Your cheeks flushed, and you tried to will away the embarrassment, the shame. How many had known of this affair? No. Not affair. It was never an affair, that meant he had once loved you, that he had cared for you once upon a time. He never had, and the woman he was with the only one who could ever hold his heart, that was the truth. It wasn’t an affair, but there were no others words to call it, nothing that can put into words how heavily, idiotic you felt for believing in him.

For trusting him – no. For thinking that it could have changed.

You brushed past Yamamoto, eager to leave, to run away from this place.

To never look back.

“Why do you think she ran?”

You blinked in surprise, glancing at him, at the curious glimmer in his eyes as he stares at the screen. Of a young girl who had run, clambering uselessly through the streets as if her very life depended on it.

“What do you mean, Tsuna?”

He waved a hand to the television, brows furrowed. “Why did she run?”

He seemed genuinely confused as if he couldn’t quite understand why the girl had done such a reckless thing. You weren’t even certain why he was watching the show, he hadn’t been interested the last time you had asked him to sit down and watch it with you. In fact, he had given it a single glance, before muttering that he didn’t have the time, there was a meeting he had to attend to, there was work he had to finish.

But he certainly appeared invested in it now. You supposed that was so, as the snow outside was too heavy, blocking out the roads and the winds so harsh that it rattled the trees. He didn’t want to leave the warmth of the house, even less on his vacation day. It had been a long time since he had one of those, and you knew that Tsuna was eager to simply relax and be lazy for once.

You glanced at the television and then back at him, pondering on how to answer his question. After all, that was a very loaded question, and there were many reasons why a person would run. Even more, you did not wish to spoil anything for him. It was always so much more fun when the spoilers were kept a secret.

“Haven’t you ever run before, Tsuna?” You asked instead, twirling the spoon in your cup carefully. “Ran so much with only the thought that you had to, in case all the pain ever catches up?”

But you do not run, instead, you swallow back the bile that was rising up your throat. Instead, you kept a steady gait, pressing cold, unsteady hand to your belly. It would do nothing for you to run, yet you think it sounds like a pleasant idea, even as you think of the tiny little life inside you. Of the tiny little child that had not a name or even a thought yet in its head. Of the tiny life you had seen, a figure, barely even that, saturated by the white noise on a screen.

You held onto that fleeting feeling of happiness, even as the terror of it made you want to burst into tears.

If you don’t hold on, you were not certain what you would do.

Would you run back? Would you demand answers you already knew?

No.

That would only bring further despair, and you needed to be strong now, needed to push away the thoughts of him and all the things you knew, deep down, could never be. You had to be strong to make the hardest decision of your life, even as it tore you on the inside to do so, to admit it to the cold biting air.

“We’re going to be alone now, and I know I’m not very good at that. I’m going to be furious and I’m going to be sad…” You shuddered, slowing down your gait, mouth twisting into a grim smile. “But it’s time now… yes. It’s time to go on.”

The child was fluttering, pushing at the walls of your stomach as if trying to play. You huffed and pressed a warm hand to a tiny foot kicking away. It stilled and then kicked again. You laughed, carefully running your hands down your belly, feeling a joy, you hadn’t realized could occur from just this simple action.

It had been a few steady months since having left Tsuna, since that disastrous moment of realization. While the thought of him still ached, most of your attention had been placed on the child, keeping yourself afloat with the desire to care and nurture him.

Him, you thought with a tender smile. He was finally big enough to tell the gender, and you wondered belatedly if he would take more after you. He seemed quite active after all, with just the barest feelings of a flame being nurtured. You couldn’t quite tell what it was, but it felt cool, not at all the heavy warmth of Tsuna’s flame.

Not that flame which felt as if you were being surrounded constantly on all sides, a warmth that had, you knew, felt comforting. It was certainly an odd feeling not having that around anymore. It felt… sort of empty now, and living alone didn’t make you any less aware of it either.

Everything was always so quiet, you had forgotten how that felt like. The hours just seemed to tick slowly, and the other side of the bed, unfamiliar rickety bed with old sheets and thin blankets, was cold. It felt odd, not having anyone here, you were quite used to noise and life, but that did not exist in this tiny little apartment with walls peeling and floors creaking.

Only the soft movements of your child and the quiet wonder of knowing he was there. No laughter, no sound of pattering feet but your own as you carefully made your way around the apartment.

But you thought that it was decent enough.

Even if the silence stretched far too long for your comfort.

It was well enough for a single, pregnant mother.

You realized very late though, that it would not be easy living on the barest minimums. The job you held wasn’t the highest paying thing, even at full time. Most everything you earned was immediately placed into the rent or food, living every week by the ends of each paycheck. After all, out here, no one knew of you. No one knew you had once been by the side of a Mafia boss, stepped in the very darkness of the criminal world.

You preferred it that way.

It meant there was no danger for you. It meant you didn’t have to watch over your shoulder insistently, wondering if the next shadow you passed housed someone who had a vendetta against Vongola.

Tonight, felt odd though.

There was nothing different, really.

The lights were still the same shade of burnt yellow, dimly casting a light down the road. There were others mingling about as well, tucked in their thin coats; some chattering with their companion or others simply walking at a steady, unbothered pace. No rush towards anywhere, no worries about anything at all. Yet the sound of your shoes hitting the pavement felt exceptionally loud. And there was an odd weighted feeling on your chest, a chill at your back as if something bad was going to happen.

You glanced around uneasily, arms crossing over your stomach protectively. You swallowed, feeling a heavy ache at the back of your throat before you began to pick up the pace. Work was not that far from here, after all. It would be warm in the building, and the noise would be quite welcomed – only five more minutes to go.

It was in that moment, when you glanced down to the old wristwatch, counting the time, did it occur.

It was all so fast, sudden. The only thing you recalled was the fear, chilling and biting as the figure had attacked. Then the screams, the shouts and then –

Your ears were ringing, and your body felt sore. You were certain that one of your fingers were broken, and that your knee had taken a hard beating to the ground, it just hurt to move it. Blinking past the daze, the painful feeling of white attacking your eyes, you realized that you were in a hospital room.

There was a male nurse looking over the iv line and was quite surprised to find your eyes staring intently at him. He practically stumbled over his own feet.

“O-oh! You’re awake!”

Apparently, you had been attacked by a mugger and had put up quite the fight. That explained the soreness and bruising, yet something made you consider the idea if it had been a mugger. There was the feeling of something having not been said, of words whispered to keep yourself safe, you and the baby from being looked too closely upon.

You jerked, and pressed your hands quickly to your belly, only to find there was no bump. Your fingers felt cold as you looked up to the uncomfortable nurse.

“My baby… please… my baby, stay safe. Be strong. Please, my love, please.”

“What about my baby?”

The man smiled sadly, a forced thing that you knew very well.

But you were not seeing him anymore, instead, you were dragging your hand down your belly, tears swimming in your eyes, unable to comprehend what was occurring. The ringing in your ears was getting stronger, painful even, to the point it was hard to pay attention to the nurse who was speaking. His words were mumbled, falling into an abyss, far, far away from you.

It was getting harder to breathe, to think, your mind racing away with hopeful thoughts and dreadful thoughts, and screaming. So much screaming and a hissing laughter echoing in your ears. It was only when a warm hand settled on your shoulders, did you realize that it was you screaming, yelling hoarsely until it burned your throat.

“Alive isn’t sad.” She whispered, gently pressing her hands to your back, holding you close as you wept for dear life. Her words only caused you to shake, to breathe in strangled gasps of air through your sobs.

“Of course, it’s sad,” You told her, voice cracking, hitching unsteadily as you spoke. “It’s sad when it’s over.”

You were troubled by the emptiness.

There was not a single beat, nor any sort of movement within you. The baby was truly gone, and you wondered if you were truly the lucky one to have survived that night. It sure didn’t feel like it. It felt like the biting cold had become so much wider, leaving behind great longing and deep bitterness.

But it was more than that.

It felt as if something had broken that day, taking with it more life than you had ever realized you had within you. Of hope and love, of the belief that miracles could occur, shattered away with each word that was said from the doctor, and the quiet, hovering nurse.

The pain of losing your child could not compare to the bruises you had received, did not compare to the feeling of having lost Tsuna (he was lost long ago, an illusion you had created), no. All of that did not compare, to the idea of once knowing life was within you (my child, my child. All mine.) just to be gone, with only the barest echoes of what it had felt like to be a mother.

It was more painful than anything you had ever thought to be plausible.

Yet nothing hurt more in realizing that you hadn’t protected him. Had failed in being strong enough to move on, confusing yourself so deeply into believing that you had left the underworld behind, that it wouldn’t follow you like an insistent shadow clinging to the thought of returning someday.

“My fault…” You whispered, the words being carried away by the bitterly cold night, eyes damp with tears. You were certain that they were red now, swollen and red from all the tears you had shed and continued to shed.

Is there a trail following you behind? Splatters of salty tears on the concrete paving leading straight to you? Or have they stopped? Have they finished at the yellow painted line at the edge of the platform from where you had stepped off from?

You did not care to look back, only cared to look downwards, to the terrifyingly far ground below, with only a simple gate to keep you from climbing over. You shuffled closer, pressing a heavy hand onto the railing, before unsteadily climbing to the other side, pressing your back to the cool metal behind you. The air whistled through your tangled hair, brushing it past your eyes as if trying to assure you that it was not frightening… that it would not be so bad…

You had thought there would be more thoughts racing through your head, something more than the hollowness in your chest and the wistful thought that you would see them again, to see your child as they should have been and not that tiny, cold and pale lifeless body placed into a box.

“Hey… look. There’s a gravestone here, with the same name as yours.”

You didn’t look back, simply stared vacantly at the tiny tombstone and the freshly made dirt that covered your child in his slumber.

“It doesn’t have a date… hey,” A hand settled onto your shoulder, a comforting thing, you knew. But all it did was shake you back awake, blinking at the grave with the realization that this was real. It had happened. He was gone.

“You okay?”

You cringed, startled by the lightning that hit the sky, tightening your hold onto the railing fearfully. Rain began to pour heavily, drenching you in seconds, hair clinging to your skin, and the scent of dust and dirt filling your lungs. You blinked, trying to peer through the darkness, through the veil the rain had created, yet even when the lightning struck again, it was so hard to see.

Perhaps this was better though. You wouldn’t be forced to see anything, only feel the rush of the wind passing you and hear the rain flooding your ears before – you shook the thought from your head, carefully, shallowly breathing in the rain.

It wasn’t easy to die, it seemed. And yet, the pain had been taking its toll.

Your foot shuffled away from the gate, your hands slowly releasing the railings, feeling one-foot touch nothing but air, an empty feeling of knowing that you would fall.

“I’ll be seeing you again, my darling.”

Arms grabbed onto you, pulling you backwards suddenly, sharply sending you reeling in surprise. You were being dragged back over the railing, even as you kicked and fought, wailing; yet the stranger did not let go. Simply grunted and held tighter, determined to stop you.

“Let me go!” You shrieked, anger filling you, beating away at your heart that felt a little too tight in your chest.

Your foot scrapped at the pavement, trying to find purchase, to get a foothold well enough to twist around and – the two of you stumble and hit the ground soundly, rainwater splashing onto your face like a tide, causing you to splutter. Yet the fall had also startled the other, enough to loosen his hold and giving you enough of an opening to shove them away and cling to the bars of the railing.

There was a soft cursing, a decidedly male voice, you realized, and you squinted through the rain, trying to see what sort of person it was. Strangely, the man sounded familiar…

The lightning struck, and you spotted pale, short wet hair.

“G-Gokudera?”

He began to curse harder now.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” He demanded, the tone obviously suggesting that he thought you were quite stupid. You kicked him in retaliation.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” You spat back instead, “Who grabs a person like that? You could have killed us both!”

“Oh, like that wasn’t your intention in the first place.” He hissed before he moved gingerly, twisting his wrist in consideration. He muttered, but it was muffled by the rain. He shook the hand and then stood, grabbing you suddenly.

He was much too close for comfort, and you could see the scowl on his lips, with just the barest hint of a nicked jaw. The fall must have done a little damage, it had been sudden and definitely not his choice. You felt the barest hint of guilt swim in your belly before it was immediately swept away into confusion when he began dragging you towards the end of the walkway.

You stammered uncertainly, but without a choice or the power to shove him away again, you followed clumsily behind him.

That was how you found yourself walking two blocks towards a car, shoved unceremoniously inside, and driven off to god knows where. You glanced at him questioningly, but he was glaring at the road and didn’t seem particularly keen on speaking. In fact, the moment you opened your mouth, he jerked a finger into your face, eyes still steadily looking out the window, but the gesture speaking loudly enough.

No speaking.

Your teeth clicked.

The silence was deafening.

The rain was pouring hard. You couldn’t see anything. Not for a long time. Only deep never-ending darkness.

At least until the road was no longer paved, the sound of gravel being stepped upon, with the faintest light trying to pierce through the darkness. Your eyes scrutinized the tiny light, noticing there was a shape beginning to fill out the closer the car came and then realized it was a very familiar building.

Your face shuttered coldly, and you hissed, “Why am I here?”

He didn’t answer immediately. Actually, he didn’t answer at all. Simply glanced momentarily at you, brief, barely a second, and then looked away again.

The car was parked. He sat silently in the seat, and you waited. Neither of you moved for a solid five minutes. He made a disgruntled sound, “Get out of the car.” You eyed him quietly, slowly taking off the seatbelt, and stepping back out into the rain. Somehow it felt colder than before.

You were certain you’d be getting sick very soon.

The sound of the car door shutting gave you pause, and you wondered vaguely if it would be worth it trying to run. The winding road wasn’t long, but traversing in the dark, stumbling into the mud and the unforgiving rain beating against your skin… the warm building seemed slightly more pleasing. You glanced towards the road you had come from –

“Don’t even think about it.” Gokudera groused. “I will drag you back by your damn hair if I have to.”

… Right.

Follow the angry Storm then. Right back into the familiar building, into the warmth that felt almost foreign now. Like an itchy suit that just didn’t feel right anymore. You wondered when that occurred when you had begun to forget about the life you held before (the lies you had upheld with vigour) and yearned for the ratty apartment building you had come to know in the last few months since the preg –

Breathe.

The sharp pain in your chest made you falter and you moved your hand to rest against the other, noticing that you had been instinctively about to place your hand on your stomach. It had become an occurring thing since the….

You breathed in slowly, feeling the fatigue hitting hard. You had great trouble falling asleep, you knew, and wouldn’t be particularly surprised if there were dark circles under your eyes. You wouldn’t particularly know, in all honesty. You hadn’t looked into the mirror for a while. Actually… you looked down at your clothing with some consideration. How long had you worn this thing? You couldn’t quite recall when you had put it on, and even less recalled when you last ate (there was an odd looseness of the clothing that wasn’t there before).

You were shuffled backwards before you could hit the door. You blinked in surprise, slowly glancing up at Gokudera who was staring at you.

He opened his mouth before it clicked shut. He gave a long, tired sigh as he gestured towards the room.

It was your old room. Untouched. The door shut behind you, and for a surreal moment, it almost felt as if nothing had changed. As if you had never left, as if the long nights in that dingy small apartment had never occurred; as if the silence hadn’t been your only friend and your baby –

You whined.

Where it had all gone?

Why couldn’t you have just staid right here, it would never have had to change. But it’s over now, isn’t it? It’s all over, and you knew very well that you were the only one to blame.

You pulled your sweater closer to yourself, gingerly moving towards the wall and settling to the floor there, shivering from the cold and refusing to crawl towards the bed, towards the warmth.

No.

You’d stay right here, where the light couldn’t trick you, couldn’t make you think as if time hadn’t faded away from your very hands; couldn’t make you believe as if Tsuna was there before you now, kneeling on the floor, in front of you, that familiar warmth of his flames shimmering underneath his skin as he gently pushed his fingers through your tangled air.

[lacedra]

Thank you to @sicklizardmeme for your kind words!!! 

#oh i think i saw this on neopets?? thats so dope#or i have a shit memory and i saw it here???#but i dont think so lol but thatd be dope it u were chosen man good luck!#super cute art!!#i loved the colored lines and the marker work is so pretty 🥺

You probably did see it on Neopets, I did get in this Acara day. ^^ I was super excited since I almost forgot about Acara day and literally only finished it Monday lol. I recently got some new pens from a Flea Market (LePen to be specific, the Pastel pack was my fave) and really wanted to try them out and experiment more with using pens that aren’t black. It was a lot of fun. I don’t think I’ve ever drawn a Royalgirl Acara before, at least not with markers, so it was a neat challenge to try and find the right marker colors. I ended up needing two different markers to get the right shade on the dress (for anyone who is curious I used RV25 first and then went over it with V15, both in Copic markers. For the shading I used an Ohuhu marker R16). Thanks again, your sweet words made my day!

My AG entry for Acara Day. 

[starfolk7]

Ornstein the dragon slayer 😳

This week on “Christina gushes about her SoulsBorne faves”, she continues to gush about Ornstein! Is anyone surprised? Nope! Is she gonna do it, anyway? Abso-fucking-lutely!

(I had way too much fun with that)

favorite thing about them: The gaps that we as Dark Souls fans get to fill in about him. It’s so interesting to see that, even though there’s a bunch of different authors out there that write about Ornstein, we all seem to come to some sort of similar consensus on his personality. It’s super fascinating.

least favorite thing about them: The gaps that we as Dark Souls fans get to fill in about him. Yes, I said this twice. No, it wasn’t a mistake. Sometimes, this is a royal pain in the ass to do. Fun, but the muse tends to be...difficult. 

favorite line: Welp, gonna have to take this from some of my own writing, since he doesn’t speak in game:

“You were right about the moss,” Ornstein began, making her jump. He offered her a hand. “But perhaps you should stop your talk of poisoning me. It strikes me as a bad omen.” 

brOTP: Ornstein and the Chosen Undead. Also, him interacting with any of the other Four Knights just. Gives me so much life.

OTP: Ornstein and the Chosen Undead. Ha. Yep. Platonic AND romantic. No one can take this from me. 

nOTP: I don’t really have an answer for this one. Haven’t delved that far in the fandom, apparently. 

random headcanon: I think he could potentially be musically inclined. Whether it’s through singing or an instrument, doesn’t rightly matter to me. 

unpopular opinion: Wow I still don’t know what the unpopular opinions of him are lol

song i associate with them: I have a giant playlist, but “Tennessee” by Kiiara. Particularly this part:

Do you remember when they bowed to us like kings, my friend?We were the champions, we were the championsHey now even when castles half-blown to the windI know they talk about us now and thenSaying we were the champions

favorite picture of them: Oho boy, this is hard. But I’m gonna go with this one: 

Drawn by the lovely @draconicwoods, also known as @dauded. It just sums up his personality so well.