#but i have a head ache and imma sleep now so | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

4littlefishies · 8 months ago

Text

The 36th Floor - Drink Some Water

satoru gojo x suguru geto

warnings: imma be real, there's smut almost immediately. Enjoy ;)

wc: 6.9k

previous chapter here

The light coming through the window is enough to wake Satoru up. He rolls over in his bed, pulling the pillow over his eyes. Thinking of the night before, the feeling of sudden loneliness comes flooding back to him. Why did he have to leave? He huffs out and rolls back over to the nightstand and grabs his phone, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he picks it up. No new notifications, but he opens the conversation with Suguru. He starts rereading the last two messages to see if what he remembered was real or imaginary and realizes that they were, in fact, real. With a smile from seeing the messages again, he locks his phone and sets it back on the nightstand.

He slowly climbs out of his bed and goes to yank the curtains shut. He looks over at the clock on the dresser and it reads 11:13. I really slept in today. That’s when his head finally feels it. A dull pounding against the side of his head.

“Holy shit.” He hisses out, covering his eyes with both of his hands, hoping to get some sort of relief. He slowly makes his way back towards the bed and crawls back in, shoving his face deep into his pillow. The room was successfully dimmed enough by the curtains that Satoru was able to close his eyes and quickly fall back asleep, finding that that was the only relief for the pounding headache he felt.

When he opens his eyes again, it’s 12:25. “I guess I should try to get up now.” He grumbles to himself, slowly sitting up. He makes his way to the bathroom and downs a glass of water, finally realizing how dehydrated he felt. He quickly fills up and downs a second glass before turning on the shower, hoping to wash off this terrible feeling. This is why you don’t drink, he reminds himself as he twists on the shower. The water starts flowing and he leans against the counter for a moment, waiting for the water to heat up.

I wonder when he left? Satoru racks his brain, thinking about the night before, but he can’t seem to think about anything other than the overwhelming happiness he felt the entire time just from being around Suguru. He smiles to himself as he sticks his hand in the water and quickly yanks it back with a sharp inhale. “Ah!” He yelps out before immediately turning the water temperature down just a bit, shaking his head. Satoru strips and steps into the shower, letting the water run over him, closing his eyes and taking in the feeling of the hot water cascading down his skin.

A deep sigh leaves his chest as he leans up against the cool tile wall, his head still dully aching. “I’m never doing that again.” He says out loud, standing back up to put his face into the hot water before rubbing his hands roughly over his face, trying to wake himself up more. He thinks about everything that happened the night before with Suguru. First the ramen, and then just the entirety of watching the movie with him, and then sitting and talking until they both fell asleep out in the living room. He smiles to himself as he remembers it all.

Satoru remembers the electric feeling that coursed through his body at the accidental touches between him and Suguru as well. It felt like little lightning strikes every time they touched. He shivers slightly as a tingle makes its way down his spine, not able to think about anything else. He remembers how Suguru rested his head on his shoulder on the train, even if it was just for a moment. He remembers poking him in the arm and how strong it felt under the split second touch. He could carry me with ease, Satoru thinks so himself, imagining it in his head. Blood, accompanied by a familiar feeling makes its way between his legs as he finds his mind wandering. I bet he’d have no problem holding me up while he- Stop that. Friends don’t think about their friends like that. He can’t help it, though, because as he shakes his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts, one of his hands is already wrapped around the base of his now quickly hardening dick.

“Fuuuck,” He sighs out as he looks down at it. He softly closes his eyes and lets his head fall back as his hand starts to move up and down slowly, to start. His movements quickly become eager as the throbbing feeling between his legs grows stronger, his dick now fully hard. He pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth as he keeps a steady pace, the water continuing to fall over him. “Hah,” He breathes out into the steamy shower. He rests his other arm on the wall in front of him, leaning his forehead against his forearm that rests against the cool tile.

Nothing more than soft pants leave his mouth as he opens his eyes and stares down, his tip visibly red and sensitive. He watches as his hand moves, but quickly closes his eyes again, unable to keep them open at the feeling. His hand squeezes tighter towards the tip, like he’s trying to pull his own orgasm out, letting out a quiet breathy moan at the feeling. I wish he was here. Fuck, if only he were here. He doesn’t even try to stop thinking about him in this moment; Suguru is the only thing on his mind as Satoru grows closer to his climax.

His hand starts to move at a quicker pace now, imagining as if it were Suguru’s hand doing it instead of his own. “Fuck,” He breathes out quietly once again, now standing back up as he feels himself come closer and closer to the edge. He keeps his eyes closed as he continues thinking about Suguru as he finally tips over the edge, soft breathy whimpers falling from his mouth into the steamy shower as he rides out his orgasm.

His hand’s movement slows down to a snail's pace, his tip quickly becoming over sensitive as the mess washes down the drain. His breaths are shaky but deep like he just got done running up several flights of stairs. His cheeks feel hot and he’s suddenly aware of how his wet hair sticks to his forehead. As he steps forward under the water, letting it fall over his face, he continues to breathe heavily, still coming down from the high. He closes his eyes as the water falls onto his face, no longer remembering about the headache he had entered the shower with. A soft smile sits on his face as he turns back around, letting his hair get some attention from the water. I don’t think there’s any going back after that.

He laughs softly, shaking his head to himself before heading into the normal order of his shower routine, deciding not to think too much about what he just did. First he would shampoo and condition his snowy white hair, following that up by washing his face, then body. Finally, he would shave the small amount of hair that grew on his face, always liking to keep it bare from anything. He stands under the hot water, his skin now red from the temperature, and closes his eyes for a moment longer before turning around and switching the water off.

Satoru makes his way through his normal morning routine - brushing his teeth, skincare, hair - and is feeling much more like his normal self afterwards. “As long as this headache is fixed by some ibuprofen, I think I’ll be alright, Shi.” He calls out to the white fluff at the foot of his bed as he runs his fingers through his hair, trying to get it looking as perfect as he could. She doesn’t even lift her head at the sound of her name. “You never answer me.” He says, furrowing his eyebrows as he walks past her and into the closet. The memory of her immediately jumping up into Suguru’s lap makes him smile as he pulls out some black sweats and a white tshirt. He grabs a black hoodie to go on top and pulls it on just as he hears his phone ring.

Satoru makes his way over to his nightstand and sees that Shoko is calling. He picks it up and presses the green button before pressing the phone to his ear. “Good morning Shoko!” He says, happy to talk to her.

“1pm is hardly morning.” Shoko says as Satoru heads out into the living room.

“Well I had a late night so I get to have a late morning too.” He says, trying to defend himself. Shoko laughs through the phone quickly before moving on.

“Yeah, sounds like you can’t handle your liquor to me.” Shoko says, teasing. Satoru glares at her even though he knows that she can’t see.

“I want you to know that I’m glaring at you right now.” Satoru says in an irritated sounding voice, earning another chuckle out of Shoko. He sits down in the same chair that he sat in last night when he was with Suguru.

“Whatever.” She says, making a quick pause. Satoru stretches out his legs as he sits down and hangs his head and arms over the back of the chair. “You’re going to the work party tonight, right?” Satoru’s eyes widen as he realizes what day it is.

“Shit, that’s tonight?” He says, sitting up and planting his feet back on the floor. He squeezes his eyes shut, mentally kicking himself that he would forget about that and on top of that, drink too much the night before.

“What? Did you forget?” Shoko asks. Satoru looks out at the view from his seat, remembering it looking much better last night while Suguru was here. Right now it just looked… dull.

“I did not forget. I just didn’t realize that today was that day.” He says, trying to smooth talk his way out of it and failing miserably. He knows that Shoko is on the other side shaking her head in disapproval. In his defense, he’s been so absolutely slammed at work this entire week preparing for the visit yesterday that the party had completely slipped his mind.

“Sure, whatever, it doesn’t matter. If you want, meet at my place at 5:15 and you, Suguru, and I can all head over together. I already talked to him, we were just waiting for you to come back from the dead.” Shoko continues on, choosing to ignore his antics.

He’s gonna be there. Duh! He works with you, of course he’s gonna be there, Satoru. He rubs his face with his free hand. “I’ll be there.” He says, now a bit more excited about how the night is going to go. Before this, he wasn’t sure if Suguru was even planning on going to the party for sure. How am I going to look at him again without imploding on myself?

“Good, because I’m planning on having a great night if you know what I mean.” Satoru laughs at her comment, knowing that it means he’s going to be taking care of an extremely drunk Shoko all night once again.

“Can’t wait.” He says in a not-so-enthusiastic voice.

“5:15.” She says once more.

“I’ll be there, Shoko.” He says before hanging up the phone. He sits in the chair for a moment, just looking at the view that had seemed so perfect last night. It wasn’t so much this view as it was him.

Satoru smiles as he stands up and heads towards the front door where he grabs his keys and wallet from the table. After putting everything in his pockets, he pulls on some sneakers and grabs his sunglasses and headphones from the table. He puts the glasses on and sticks the headphones into his ears before he heads out the front door. Clicking play on his music, he makes his way into the elevator and makes it all the way down to the lobby without stopping. He makes his way out of the building and heads towards the station.

All he wanted to do right now was shove a giant pastry from his favorite cafe into his mouth and wash it down with the sweetest coffee you’ve ever tasted. His long legs quickly carry him to the station and as he waits for the next train, he likes to look around at all the different people waiting alongside him. He smiles to himself, thinking about the outrageous stories he thinks Suguru would come up with for each of them, not even bothering to think of any for himself.

The next train quickly approaches and Satoru takes a seat next to the window, the train only about half full. He looks through his phone at the last texts from Suguru once more. ‘Just thought I’d let you know that I made it home. Thanks again for dinner, it was really fun :)’ He smiles to himself as he reads it again and again before deciding to send one back.

‘I’m happy you had a good time! See you tonight ✌🏼😋’ Satoru types out and clicks send. Almost as soon as it’s sent, he sees the bubbles that indicate Suguru’s typing. He feels his heart beat harder just at the sight. He stares at the three little dots on the screen that continue to move until they eventually disappear. Satoru feels slightly disappointed and closes his phone and slides it into his pocket, just in time for it to ding. Quickly pulling his phone back out of his pocket, he sees the notification for a text from Suguru and his heart instantly picks back up again.

‘I’m happy you’re alive after last night! See you tonight :)’ Satoru smiles as he reads the text. He quickly realizes that the stop approaching is the one he needs to get off at. He stands up and grabs one of the hand holds as the train comes to a stop. He steps out as soon as the doors open and heads towards the direction of the cafe, much like as if he were going to work, but with just two fewer turns.

As he walks down the sidewalk to the beat of the music playing in his ears, he has his hands shoved into his pockets, trying to keep warm from the chilly December air. His quick pace makes the walk feel even shorter as he quickly makes it to the cafe. He pulls open the door and plucks his headphones out of his ears, putting them back in the case before sliding it into his pocket.

Approaching the counter, Yuji comes out from the back, the normals smile on his face as he sees Satoru. “Hi Gojo!” He calls out as he comes up to stand behind the register.

“Hey Yuji,” Satoru replies with a smile as he reaches the counter, already looking at the pastries and other treats behind the glass of the display case to the side.

“No Geto today?” Yuji asks, now used to seeing the two in the cafe as a pair. Satoru straightens up, his eyebrows raised.

“Huh? Oh, um, yeah, he’s probably at home or doing something on his own, I don’t know.” Satoru says as he eyes the cheese danishes at the top of the case, furrowing his eyebrows as he answers. Yuji looks back at him, slightly confused.

“Hm, he was in here earlier and I was just confused as to why you wouldn’t come in together.” Satoru raises his eyebrows once again at the mention that Suguru was in here earlier, but also at Yuji’s comment.

“What do you mean?” Satoru says, looking back at Yuji with confusion painted on his face.

“Aren’t you guys together?” Yuji asks. Immediately Satoru feels his face get hot and his eyes widen. He becomes a flustered mess just thinking about it and laughs awkwardly, trying to think of how to respond.

“Uh,” He chuckles once more, trying to respond. “No, we’re just friends.” He says, smiling at the young man behind the counter.

“Oh!” He says, not seeming to be worried about being wrong about their relationship. “Well I think you two would make a nice couple.” Yuji finishes with a smile. Satoru feels his face and now his ears get even hotter and he can’t help but smile back at Yuji with his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

He orders a few pastries and other treats to take home and of course one for right now. The table in the back corner where he normally sits is taken, so Satoru reluctantly takes a seat at another table across the way from it, unable to do anything about the woman already seated in his favorite spot. The box of pastries in his hand is set to the side as he sits down and eats a chocolate croissant that he had picked out. It was warmed up to the perfect temperature that made it taste like the most amazing thing that he’d ever eaten. He sits and smiles now knowing that Yuji thought that he and Suguru were together. I think we would make a nice couple too, but that’s not gonna happen, Satoru finds himself thinking, growing disappointed at the thought.

We’re just friends. Friends don’t think about their friends like that, Satoru. He presses his lips together at the thought. Yeah, well they also don’t masturbate to the thought of the other one in the shower so, what about that part? He argues with himself in his head as he quickly finishes his chocolate croissant and his terribly sweet coffee and puts his headphones in before standing up and making sure to grab his box of pastries. Yuji waves as Satoru makes his way out, giving a wave back to Yuji as the door swings closed behind him.

With the brown box tucked safely under his arm, he makes his way back towards the station. What am I gonna wear tonight? He thinks, mentally going through his closet as he continues walking to the upbeat song playing in his ears. He has an outfit in mind that he thinks will fit the occasion, as well as hopefully turn some heads. There was one that he especially was hoping to turn.

Just before 3pm, Satoru walks back through his front door. He empties his keys and wallet back into the bowl and heads into the kitchen, setting the box of pastries onto the island. He turns around at the sound of a small meow behind him on the floor.

“Well if it isn’t Shiro. You know, you could've fooled me. I thought you didn’t like me anymore, baby.” He says, scooping her into his arms and picking her up, cradling her close to his chest. Satoru makes his way out of the kitchen and into his bedroom, Shiro still cuddled up in his arms. He sets her down in her spot at the foot of the bed and heads into the bathroom, grabbing another ibuprofen to take before he has to start getting ready for the party.

Since it was for work, the company had rented out a restaurant in the city. This was a tradition that would happen every December, and every year that Satoru has worked with Shoko, she’s blacked out at this party. He shakes his head at the thought. He had begged Utahime to have there not be an open bar at the party this year, but she just shooed him away, not wanting to hear it.

Satoru decides that he should eat something before he gets ready, so he heads back to the kitchen and checks out what he has for ingredients. He decides on making some quick and easy chicken and rice with a little steamed broccoli on the side. It wasn’t the most exciting meal in the world, but it would work for getting through today.

He makes quick work of cutting up the chicken and getting it cooking in the pan. Shiro comes out of the bedroom and sits on the floor behind Satoru as he cooks at the stove. He throws some broccoli in the microwave so that it can steam while he cooks the chicken and the rice cooks in the small machine on the counter. Surprisingly quickly, Satoru is plating up the food and setting it on the dining table. He runs back into the kitchen to grab a pair of chopsticks before sitting back down at the table.

It’s nothing special, but it gets the job done. He quickly finishes up eating, making sure to put the leftovers in the fridge. Making his way back into the bedroom, he looks at his hair in the mirror just inside his bedroom door. “Woah.” He says, noting the messy pieces. He brushes his fingers through it, successfully smoothing down the pieces that were previously sticking up in various directions. He flashes himself a smile in the mirror and continues on into his bathroom.

He washes his face and dries it with the towel before putting on a little bit more moisturizer, feeling dry from the cold winter air. He then focuses much more on his hair, making sure that not a single hair was out of place, even lightly spraying it with hair spray to make sure it stayed nice the whole night. After he’s pleased with the way it looks, he flicks off the light and heads back out into his bedroom and into his closet.

Satoru rifles through the hanging pants until he finds the straight leg black trousers he’s looking for. He hangs them to the side and goes back to find a white button up knit collared shirt with short sleeves, which are cuffed. He pulls the two pieces out and hangs them on the back of his closet door as he strips out of his sweats and shirt. Music plays softly through the speaker on his dresser as he pulls the neatly hung pants off of the hanger and steps into them before he pulls them up. He unbuttons the shirt before pulling it over his arms and buttoning it up, leaving the top two buttons opened. He tucks it into his plants, leaving a little bit of room to move around. Finally, he grabs a black leather belt with a silver rectangular buckle and slips it through the loops on his pants, pulling it tight and slipping it back through the buckle to secure it.

Pulling open the top drawer of his dresser, he pulls out a pair of purple socks with brightly colored fish on them. “No one’s gonna see these, so might as well have some fun, huh Shi?” He says, looking over at Shiro who was still sitting at her spot on the bed, looking over at Satoru as he pulls on the socks. He rubs her on the head as he passes back by, earning a surprised noise out of her which puts a smile on Satoru’s face.

He walks back into the bathroom and flicks the light back on, checking his hair once more and deciding on Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille as his scent for the night. He spritzes it a couple times over his neck and one on each wrist before setting it back on the tray on his counter alongside various other scents. For the last time, Satoru flicks off the bathroom light and beads back into his closet.

He picks up a simple silver chain from the small hooks along the back of one of the segments of his closet, unclasping it and hooking it back behind the back of his neck again with ease. Finally, he opens a drawer full of watches and pulls out one of the 4 silver ones he has. He slips the watch onto his wrist and clasps it closed as he turns off the light in his closet and shuts the door behind him. He takes one last look at himself in the mirror next to his bedroom door before he exits back out into the main living room.

Satoru opens up the closet near the front door and grabs out a black leather jacket to pull the entire look together, but also to keep him warm on his way over to Shoko’s and then to the restaurant. He finishes it up by pulling on his pair of black chelsea boots before grabbing his wallet and keys from the bowl. Satoru drops his wallet into his back pocket and grabs his sunglasses, putting them on before pulling open the front door and stepping out into the hallway. “I’ll be back later, Shi!” He calls out into the apartment behind him as he pulls the door closed, ensuring that it’s locked behind him before putting his keys in his pocket.

He looks down at his watch, hoping that he isn’t running behind. 4:55. I should be good if I walk quickly and don’t miss the 5:00 train. Thankfully, for the second time that day, Satoru is able to make it all the way down to the lobby without the elevator having to stop on the way down. He pushes open the large doors of the building and sticks his hands in the pockets of his jacket as the chilly air hits him.

His long legs carry him quickly to the station in time for the 5:00 train. Satoru takes an empty seat close to the door and pulls out his phone, seeing a text from Shoko.

‘You better be on your way.’ Satoru reads from 2 minutes ago. He unlocks his phone and his fingers quickly type out the response before sending it back.

‘I am on the train as we type.’ Satoru shoots back at her. Shoko immediately reads it, but doesn’t send back an answer. He smiles to himself as he slips his phone back into his pocket, patiently waiting for his stop which quickly approaches.

Satoru stands up and is swiftly out of the doors, trying to make it to Shoko’s quickly, but also feeling nerves building in his stomach at the thought of having to see Suguru. He’s excited, but also kind of feels like he’s going to throw up at the thought. Is this the hangover or is it anxiety? He hadn’t had so much anxiety about being around anyone ever, before Suguru. Before Satoru knows it, he see’s Shoko’s building up ahead of him, and what looks to be like Suguru walking towards him from the other direction?

The closer he gets, he recognizes that the dark long haired man walking towards him is, in fact, Suguru. Satoru smiles to himself as he sees him in something that he’s never seen him wear before. He has on a dark brown, almost coffee-colored turtleneck sweater, along with black tapered pants and a belt with a gold buckle. To wrap it all together, he had on some black oxfords and a long black coat on top. He looks absolutely perfect, Satoru thinks to himself as Suguru waves and calls out as the two get closer together.

“Yo! Satoru!” He calls out, the two meeting in front of Shoko’s apartment building. Satoru smiles back at him as he walks up to him, realizing that he looks even better up close. “You look good, man.” He says, clapping his hand onto Satoru’s shoulder. He lets it rest there for a split second before giving Satoru’s shoulder the slightest squeeze and letting his arm fall back down to his side, brushing his shoulder lightly as he lets it fall. Satoru notices the small gesture and has to control his face so as to not show that the action had any effect on him when it very much did. Holy shit, what was that?

Satoru smiles back at him as they approach the front doors of the building. Satoru types in Shoko’s apartment number on the call box and presses the call button. “You look good too!” He says back at him, turning back around to face Suguru, really getting a good look at him as they wait for Shoko to unlock the door. Suguru smiles back at him, his cheeks slightly pink. The door clicks behind Satoru and he turns back around, opening it and stepping aside, allowing Suguru to step inside first.

“Thank you,” He says, softly with a smile as he ducks past Satoru through the door, his hands stuffed into his pockets. The door closes behind Satoru and they make their way over to the elevator. Satoru presses the up arrow and turns back around to look at Suguru again. “I’m glad to see that you’re alive.” Suguru says, a smile still on his face as he looks into Satoru’s eyes. Satoru holds the eye contact for as long as he can before he has to look away or risk his face turning as red as a tomato at the small gesture. He looks down at the ground, his hands suddenly clamming up in his pockets.

“Well, i did sleep until 12:30, I think that helped a little bit.” He remembers the rest of his morning as the elevator dings and the doors open. As they step inside, Satoru finishes his sentence, pressing the button for the 14th floor. “I think taking a shower also helped me to feel better.” He says, remembering his shower from earlier in the morning, his ears starting to get hot as he thinks about it again, but now with Suguru standing less than a meter away from him. He sneaks small looks at him, unable to stop looking at how the brown sweater fits over his broad chest and his hair cascades down his back, perfect looking in his normal half up half down style.

The elevator approaches the 14th floor and opens quietly to the brightly colored mural that covers the wall. Satoru steps out first and takes a left before knocking on the 5th door down the hallway. It takes a few moments until they hear rapid footsteps approaching the door and then the sound of the lock being unlocked. Shoko pulls open the front door and looks at her friends that stand in the hallway, standing in a mid length dark green velvet dress with a slit up the leg.

“Oh hey! You’re both here!” She says, sounding excited to see the two of them. Satoru and Suguru turn to look at each other, eyebrows raised before they turn back to face Shoko.

“Are you already drunk?” Suguru asks as he follows Shoko into her apartment. Satoru follows closely behind, making sure to close and lock the door behind him. They both kick off their shoes by the door and hang up their coats, now feeling plenty warm inside of Shoko’s home. Now that Suguru’s coat is off, he pushes his sleeves up his arms, revealing the gold watch he’d picked out, along with the veins going up his arms which Satoru can’t seem to snap his attention away from.

“I’ve had a couple drinks already, yeah.” Shoko says, sitting down onto her couch, giggling back at Satoru and Suguru as they follow her into the living room. Satoru already decides that ordering an uber will be much easier than trying to wrangle Shoko to walk anywhere. He pulls out his phone and does it quickly, knowing that they will be leaving fairly soon.

“How many is a couple?” Suguru asks, sitting down in the chair next to the couch. Satoru stands back and leans his elbows on the kitchen counter, looking at the two of them from where he stood. Suguru looks back at Satoru as they wait for an answer, smiling and shaking his head before turning back to look at their already drunk friend. She fails to answer and Satoru finds a glass from one of the cabinets in the kitchen. He fills it up with water and hands it to Suguru to give to Shoko.

“How about you drink this and then we’ll go to the party, okay?” Suguru says, grabbing the glass of water from Satoru and handing it over to Shoko. She grabs it and eagerly takes a sip, looking disappointed when she realizes that it’s water. She huffs out and drinks it, knowing that her friends won’t let her leave until she does so. Suguru turns back to look at Satoru once more, the two making eye contact again, except Satoru isn’t the one to look away first. Suguru turns back to Shoko, leaving Satoru with a blush on his cheeks just at the eye contact. He smiles as he watches Shoko down her water and stand up from her spot on the couch.

“Okay let’s go!” She says, hurrying towards the front door.

“Hey slow down there, speed demon, where are your shoes?” Satoru asks, turning around to follow Shoko towards the front door. She stops and runs into her room, grabbing a pair of black heels and slipping them on, matching perfectly with the dark green dress she has on.

“You also definitely need a coat, or you’ll freeze out there.” Suguru calls out from behind, stepping up to stand behind Satoru. Close enough that Satoru is able to smell the familiar scent of warm cashmere and pine that he’s become used to. He smiles as he takes in a deep breath. Shoko grabs a long black coat from her front closet and pulls it on over her dress.

“Okay, let’s go!” She says, enthusiastically, opening the front door and grabbing her bag. The trio steps out into the hallway, Suguru making sure the door is locked behind them as they make their way back towards the elevator.

“I got us an uber,” Satoru hangs back to let Suguru know. “I think that’ll be much easier than trying to get her to walk anywhere at this point.” Suguru smiles and nods his head at Satoru as they catch up to Shoko and step into the elevator. The ride is mostly quiet - besides Shoko randomly giggling about something to herself - and they head back down to the lobby, stopping once to pick up someone else that was also heading down to the lobby.

The three of them walk out the front doors and immediately see the car waiting for them. Shoko climbs into the front seat, making Suguru and Satoru sit in the back seat together. Satoru climbs in and slides all the way through, allowing Suguru to climb in behind him. The ride is less than 10 minutes, but their knees bump against each other no less than 4 times. The first time, it’s purely an accident, causing both of them to recoil ever so slightly, not wanting to make the other uncomfortable. The second time is also an accident, as far as Satoru knows. The third time is because Satoru deliberately bumps his knee into Suguru’s, causing a smile to form on both of their faces. The fourth time, Suguru makes it very obvious that he does it on purpose, causing a small laugh to come out of Satoru’s mouth. Shoko turns around to see what’s so funny, but that’s when the driver pulls up in front of the restaurant.

“Thank you!” Satoru calls out to the driver as he follows Suguru out of the door, closing it carefully behind him. Shoko closes her door and follows the two towards the front doors of the restaurant. Satoru hurries in front of them and opens the door, allowing both of them inside, earning a “Thank you,” out of both Shoko and Suguru as they enter. Immediately, they see the restaurant is filled with coworkers, as well as many of their partners. Satoru spots Nanami talking with Yaga towards the front of the room. I didn’t know he was gonna be here, Satoru thinks as he notices them. He still feels bad about his presentation from the morning before. I’ll just stay away from him for tonight.

Shoko immediately spots Utahime over by the bar and runs off to talk to her, leaving Suguru and Satoru standing alone together, unsure of what to do now. “Do you want something to drink?” Suguru asks, looking over at Satoru who shakes his head.

“I think I’m good, especially after last night.” He says, remembering his pounding headache from this morning.

“Not even a Shirley Temple with extra grenadine and extra cherries?” Suguru asks, raising his eyebrows in fake surprise. Satoru smiles uncontrollably. He remembered my drink. He thinks for a moment, looking up into the ceiling.

“Actually, I would love one of those, Suguru.” He finally responds, allowing his name to drip out of his mouth, sounding warm and comforting. Suguru smiles as he turns around to walk towards the bar.

“I’ll be right back, Satoru.” He says, returning his name in the same way. Satoru blushes at the sound of it, turning around to look at who else he sees in the crowd. He notices that Shoko and Utahime have moved to a table, and they seem to now be joined by Ijichi and Haibara. Shoko looked to be telling an extravagant story with the way she’s throwing her arms around. Satoru smiles to himself, happy to see that she's having a good time. He’s easily the best dressed person here, Satoru thinks with a smirk as he looks around at the restaurant full of his coworkers.

Suguru quickly comes back holding two drinks in his hands. Satoru holds out his hands and grabs the one that is very obviously his. “Thanks Suguruuu.” Satoru says, drawing out his name. Suguru smiles as he takes a sip of his drink, giving it a taste.

“Back corner?” He asks, gesturing towards an empty table in the corner of the room. Satoru turns to look and faces Suguru once again with a giant smile on his face at the suggestion.

“Oh absolutely!” Satoru calls out, excitedly. He heads back towards the corner, feeling Suguru following closely behind. They quickly reach the table and take seats in two of the four chairs at the table. This section of the restaurant was much less saturated with people, so it was much more quiet and easy to hear each other talk. “I don’t think I know who even a quarter of these people are, do we really work with them?” Satoru asks, looking at Suguru as he sits down in the chair. Suguru lets out a chuckle at Satoru’s question. I’ll ask a million stupid questions just to hear that sound; it’s music to my ears.

“I think most of them, yeah.” He answers, still smiling at the question from Satoru. “But I still only know a couple people here.” Suguru says, slipping his coat off and over the back of his chair. He pushes his sleeves back up, revealing his gold watch and several rings that Satoru hadn’t noticed until now. He swallows thickly and his eyes widen slightly at the sight. He’s thankful that Suguru is looking down at his drink so that he doesn’t see his reaction. Satoru also decides to shrug his jacket off over his chair, revealing his bare arms and his silver watch upon his wrist. “I like your watch.” Suguru says as Satoru rests his elbows on the table, earning a smile from him.

“Thanks,” He says, his nose scrunching slightly as he says it. “My parents got it for me as a present when I finished school.” Satoru explains, remembering the day he received it. Suguru smiles, taking another sip of his drink, the ice sliding around as he moves the glass. Satoru’s eyes flicker back down to the gold watch on Suguru’s wrist. “I like your watch too.” He blurts out, earning another chuckle from Suguru.

“Thank you,” He starts, bringing one arm up to scratch the back of his neck at the compliment. “It used to be my dad’s but he gave it to me when I finished school.” He explains, having a very similar story to Satoru’s. The two of them smile as they realize it. Satoru and Suguru suddenly hear a yell and turn around to see Shoko excitedly explaining something, now with more people gathered around her table listening to whatever story she’s telling.

“How long before we have to drag her out of here?” Satoru asks, pointing his thumb back at Shoko. Suguru smiles and breathes out of his nose. He looks down at the table, trying to take a real guess.

“Well, it’s almost 6 now, so maybe 9:30 at the latest?” Suguru suggests, trying to actually be realistic.

“That’s what I was gonna say!” Satoru shoots back, excitedly, his voice raising slightly. Suguru smiles at his excited response. Satoru sips on his drink, quickly finishing it and eating the cherries sitting in the bottom of the glass. Suguru also finishes his first drink at the same time.

“You want another one?” Suguru asks, standing up and grabbing the two empty glasses.

“Oh don’t worry I can-” Satoru starts, but Suguru cuts him off abruptly, shaking his head and holding up his hand to stop Satoru from standing up.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it. One more?” Satoru swears his heart skips a beat in his chest and smiles up at Suguru, seeing his bangs hang slightly in front of his honey brown eyes. He nods his head with nothing more than a smile. He couldn’t even say anything if he wanted to in that moment. Holy shit, I’m going to lose my mind, he’s actually going to be the death of me. Satoru thinks to himself, watching as Suguru walks back up to the bar. As he approaches the bar and talks to the bartender, he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He seems to read a text and looks back up to the bartender, looking like he’s telling them something.

Satoru looks down at his phone as he waits for Suguru to come back, not wanting to just be staring at him the whole time. He’s scrolling instagram when Suguru walks back up and sets his drink down on the table in front of him.

“Hey, um- I’ll be back, but my neighbor just texted me saying that there’s an alarm or something going off in my apartment, so I gotta go see what it is, but I should be back soon.” Suguru says, grabbing his coat from the back of his chair. Not even bothering to sit back down at the table. Satoru feels a pang of disappointment in his chest at the sound of that.

“Oh, yeah, no worries! I’ll be here when you get back.” Satoru says, looking up at him with a smile. Suguru’s eyes squeeze nearly shut with the smile he gives Satoru before turning and heading towards the front doors, quickly opening them and making his way out of the restaurant into the cold December air.

“I guess I’ll go see what Shoko’s up to.” Satoru says to himself, standing up from the table and grabbing his drink, as well as his coat. He makes his way over to the table; the crowd that had gathered around was now dispersed and only Shoko, Utahime, and Ijichi remained at the table. “Is this seat taken?” He asks as he puts his hand on the back of the empty chair next to Shoko. She quickly turns her head upon hearing the voice behind her.

“Gojo! Where have you been?” She asks excitedly as Satoru sits down in the chair next to her. Utahime rolls her eyes and lets out a dramatic sigh.

“You know you love me, Utahime. You’re just mad because you don’t get to go to Shanghai with us.” She shakes her head.

“I’d rather eat dirt than be stuck with you for a 3 day weekend.” Utahime shoots back, crossing her arms with a disgusted look on her face.

“You’re my favorite coworker too, Utahimeee.” He says, drawing out the end of her name. Shoko is entertained by the interaction but Ijichi just looks horrified.

“They’re always like this.” Shoko does her best to whisper, holding up her hands as a barrier between Satoru and Utahime. Ijichi smiles at the statement, just happy to be there.

“How ya feelin’?” Satoru asks, turning his attention over to Shoko, resting the side of his head on his hand that’s propped up on his elbow. She turns to look at him and has what is very clearly a drunken smile on her face.

“Not drunk enough.” She says, mirroring Satoru’s position, leaning her head on her hand. Satoru smiles at her as she does so, shaking his head with a soft chuckle.

“You are crazy.” He says, widening his eyes and jetting out his head towards her.

“I’m getting another drink.” She says, standing up and making her way back over towards the bar.

“I told you, Utahime, we shouldn’t have had the open bar.” Satoru says, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“I’m gonna go with Shoko.” She says, ignoring him and suddenly standing up before turning to swiftly follow behind her. Satoru takes a deep breath and furrows his eyebrows and turns to look at Ijichi, the only one left at the table.

“How you doin’, Ijichi?” Satoru asks, sitting forward and resting his elbows on the table once more, clasping his fingers together.

“I’m good, thanks.” He starts, quietly. “How are you?” He asks back, trying to be polite.

“I’m also good, thanks for asking, Ijichi.” He says, smiling at him before asking him a question. “You drinking anything?”

Ijichi stutters a moment before responding. “Uh- no, just water, I guess.” Satoru looks taken aback at his comment, putting his hand to his chest as if he had just been shot.

“Not even a soda or something?” He asks, dramatically, looking over as a slightly terrified looking Ijichi. He just shakes his head. Satoru looks at him for a moment, thinking about his next question. “You like Shoko, huh?” He asks, a smirk on his face as Ijichi’s face turns a bright red. He becomes a flustered mess, not knowing what to say.

“Uh, wha- what? I-” He chuckles nervously, trying to think of an answer while Satoru watches him squirm in his seat.

“I’m just messin’ with ya,” Satoru says, waving his hand at him, a smile on his face as he sees Shoko and Utahime heading back towards the table. Ijichi feels a huge relief when they walk up behind him, taking their same seats as before. Shoko now has a drink in each hand, and Satoru looks over at Utahime. “What kind of friend are you, letting her get this drunk, and at a work event? Ugh.” He says, sighing dramatically, just trying to mess with Utahime. If she had rolled her eyes any harder, they would’ve popped out of her head. Satoru laughs at the sight, looking back over at Shoko when a voice comes through the speakers in the ceiling.

“He-Hello? Can everybody hear me?” Says a voice. Everyone looks around, trying to find the source of the familiar voice of their boss, Nanami. Eventually, everyone is turned to look at him as he stands in the middle of the main room. “Hello, everyone, first off, I want to thank you all for being here tonight.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Shit” Suguru hisses out as he reads the text from his next door neighbor. He slips his phone back in his pocket and leans back over towards the bartender. “Can I actually just have the shirley temple?” He asks. The man behind the bar nods his head and adds the extra cherries into Satoru’s drink before placing it on the small napkin in front of Suguru. “Thank you!” He says with a smile as he picks up the drink, walking back to Satoru at the table in the corner. He feels disappointment, knowing that he’ll have to leave, especially when Satoru is waiting for him dressed like that. His biceps underneath the cuffs of the white knitted top he’s wearing. The top two buttons undone and the chain against his pale chest. His long legs in the straight black pants, all of it together was driving him crazy. He approaches the table and sets down Satoru’s drink in front of him, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Hey, um- I’ll be back, but my neighbor just texted me saying that there’s an alarm or something going off in my apartment, so I gotta go see what it is, but I should be back soon.” Suguru says, grabbing his coat from the back of his chair. He swears he sees Satoru’s face flicker with sadness, but if he’s actually sad, he hides it well.

“Oh, yeah, no worries! I’ll be here when you get back.” Satoru says, looking up at him with that smile. God, he makes it even harder to leave. Suguru’s eyes squeeze nearly shut with the smile he gives Satoru before turning and heading towards the front doors, putting his coat on as he walks. He pushes the door open, holding it for a few of his coworkers walking inside.

He takes an immediate right and looks down at the map he has pulled up on his phone to get back to his apartment. It’s only a 20 minute walk, so he decides to enjoy the way back to his apartment, taking in his new surroundings. He smiles to himself, already thinking about Satoru waiting for him to get back. I don’t even know how someone could look so good in an outfit. He shakes his head as he continues on down the sidewalk, shoving his phone back in his pocket, trying to keep his hands warm. The walk is uneventful, but he finds himself unable to think about anything other than what Satoru is doing, if he’s having a good time, or perhaps if he’s waiting for his return.

His long legs make quick work of the walk and he sees his building come into view. Suguru pulls open the front door and heads straight for the stairs. He runs up the stairs, skipping steps as he goes. He sighs and shakes his head in annoyance as he hears the alarm his neighbor was describing as he makes it up to the third floor of the building, hearing his phone ding in his pocket at the same time, but choosing to ignore it for now.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Shoko, you really need to slow down, or I’m gonna have to take you home.” Satoru warns as Shoko sips on her drink through a straw, looking at him with glossed over eyes. “You need some water.” He says, placing a glass of water in front of her that he had Ijichi grab from the bar for him. He takes the glass out of her hand and replaces it with the glass of water. She doesn’t even seem to notice when Satoru puts her straw into the water. He’s just happy that she’s drinking some water, even if he has to trick her to do it.

“Why don’t you guys jus’ kiss already?” Shoko blurts out, looking over with her eyebrows furrowed like she's trying to seem intimidating. Satoru’s face turns bright red and hot to the touch as he nearly chokes on nothing but air. He almost feels like his body goes numb from the waist down.

“Uh- what?” Satoru asks, trying to seem like he has no idea what she’s talking about. Shoko doesn’t answer and just laughs in Satoru’s face, not even remembering what she had just asked her friend. Satoru feels like his heart is going to explode out of his chest as he thinks about what Shoko just said. What the fuck? Can she read minds or something? Am I really that obvious? His mind is racing with a million different things as Shoko continues laughing like a maniac. “You really are something, you know that? I think it’s about time we get you home.” Satoru says, standing up and pulling on his jacket. Shoko whines out in protest, but Satoru doesn’t want to hear any of it. He successfully ushers her up out of her seat and towards the front door.

“I don’t wanna yet thoo,” She cries out as Satoru puts her arms into her coat, pulling it up to her shoulders. Satoru puts his arm around her waist loosely, trying to keep her upright as she walks.

“Shoko, I already have an uber waiting. If you wanna keep going, you can do it in your own home, okay?” He says, knowing that he hasn’t even ordered it yet and just needs an excuse to get her out the door. He holds open the front door, allowing Shoko out first and he follows her out, pulling out his phone to order an uber, which thankfully there are plenty around. By the time Satoru gets Shoko out towards the curb, the driver is pulling up. He gets Shoko into the car first and then climbs in after her.

The ride is short, yet Shoko manages to make small talk with the driver and becomes quick friends with him. Satoru smiles as the two talk, Shoko very obviously drunk out of her mind, and the driver that just goes along with it. Shit. Satoru thinks as they turn the corner onto Shoko’s street. He pulls out his phone and starts a short text to Suguru, remembering that he said he would be there when he returned.

~~~~~~~~~~

Suguru makes his way back to the restaurant about an hour after he first left. As it turned out, the alarm was in fact not coming from his apartment and his neighbor just wasted his time without even thinking to ask any of the other neighbors. He was trying not to make enemies with his neighbors, but this one in particular is already on Suguru’s bad side. Already irritated by having to leave in the first place, he feels like he has smoke coming out of his ears on the walk back to the party. He eventually calms back down thinking about getting back to hanging out with Satoru, and Shoko if she’s around, but mostly Satoru.

By the time Suguru makes it back to the restaurant, Satoru and Shoko have left. He looks around the entire restaurant, starting in the back corner where he left Satoru, only to see the table taken up by a couple of coworkers he recognized from when he was training with Haibara. He makes his way over towards the direction where he last saw Shoko, but doesn’t see them there either. What the hell? He feels a pang of hurt in his chest as he sees Haibara at a table nearby.

“Hey, Haibara,” He starts out, causing Haibara to turn around, drink in hand to see who it was.

“Oh, hey Geto!” He says, clearly excited to see Suguru. “I feel like I haven’t seen you since you got drone training!”

Suguru laughs awkwardly, not completely sure of what to say. “Yeah, I’ve been busy… Sorry to bother you, but you haven’t seen Satoru or Shoko anywhere, have you?” Haibara shakes his head no, but one of the other men at the table speaks up after hearing Suguru ask his question.

“I saw them leaving together just a little bit ago!” He calls out, his drink sloshing as he talks and his cheeks pink. Everyone at this table was very obviously drunk and feeling rowdy. “They looked pretty touchy on their way out, i wouldn’t be surprised if-”

“Thank you.” Suguru says, cutting off the man’s sentence before he could finish it. He clenches his jaw, turning around and heading towards the front door. What the fuck? What the fuck??? He feels like he’s just been punched in the stomach. I just need to get some air. Suguru bursts out of the front doors of the restaurant, opting to sit on one of the benches just outside. He puts his elbows on his knees and rests his head in his hands, taking a deep breath. What am I even upset about in the first place? It’s not like we’re together. Suguru stares at the ground in front of him, taking a few deep breaths before pulling his phone out of his pocket, thinking to check his notifications.

Suguru sees two text notifications. One from Satoru from 4 minutes ago, and one from Shoko about 30 minutes ago. He checks the one from Shoko first, knowing that this was the ding that his phone made when he reached his apartment. Suguru clicks on the notification and his eyes widen as he reads the message.

‘why dk t u guys jist kiss alreaxyy??’

He feels himself go stiff as he reads the words on his screen, even if they are horribly misspelled. What the hell? How much more did she drink while I was gone? He forgets that he was even upset and thinks about Satoru, smiling at the thought, even though Shoko never even mentioned a name. Do I really show it that much? He worries about being too obvious about how he feels about Satoru, especially around Shoko who somehow notices everything. He shakes his head and tries to forget about it, writing it off to more of Shoko’s drunken ramblings and goes to open the text from Satoru.

‘Call me when u get this’ It reads. He feels a weight lift off of his shoulders as he reads it, not even having a clue as to what he was thinking was happening just moments ago. He clicks on Satoru’s contact card and presses his phone number before pressing his phone to his ear. It rings once, before he hears the noise of Satoru answering and Shoko making noise in the background.

“Get into bed or drink some water! Pick one I don’t care!” He yells at her, very obviously keeping his mouth away from the phone so as to not shout directly into Suguru’s ear. “Hey, sorry about that, come to Sho’s.” Satoru says, a smile on his face upon hearing Satoru’s voice on the other side of the phone. “Where are you?” He asks as Suguru stands up.

“Uh, I’m back at the restaurant, why?” Suguru asks, slowly starting to walk towards the direction of Shoko’s apartment.

“I’m sending you an uber, see you when you get here, I’ve got a drunkie to take care of in the meantime.” Satoru says before the phone call abruptly ends. Suguru laughs to himself upon hearing the chaos that awaits him at Shoko’s place. The car soon after pulls up and Suguru climbs in the back seat. The ride is silent, except for the soft “Thank you,” that Suguru says as he climbs out of the car, now in front of Shoko’s apartment. He walks up and types her apartment number on the call box, not having to wait long for the front door to click and allow him to pull it open.

The whole elevator ride up, Suguru’s preparing himself to see Satoru again, excited to be back with his friends. The elevator doors open to reveal the mural on the 14th floor and Suguru makes his way to Shoko’s door, giving the handle a try to see if it’s open, and to his surprise, it turns. He pushes open the door and makes his way into Shoko’s home, taking off his shoes before walking in further and locking the door behind him.

“Shoko?” He calls out into the apartment, not wanting to alarm either of them with his presence. “Satoru?” He adds, making his way in towards the living room where he finally sees Satoru sitting on the couch, holding a long pointer finger up to his lips, indicating that he needs to be quiet.

“Shhhh.” Satoru says with wide eyes and raised eyebrows as Suguru joins him in the living room, taking off his coat and hanging it on the coat rack next to the hallway. “She’s sleeping, I hope.” Satoru says softly as Suguru sits down next to him on the couch, a fairly small gap between the two. Suguru smiles, looking over at Satoru who looked somehow even better now. His hair disheveled, his shirt slightly untucked.

“Looks like she really put you through it.” Suguru says, with a smile. Satoru can’t help but smile at the ground as he looks at himself. Damn, he really looks good.

“Yeah she got me good. She didn't even make it to 8, let alone 9:30” He responds, laughing quietly. “Did you get the alarm figured out?” Satoru asks, curious about where Suguru had to disappear to.

“It turns out it wasn’t even coming from my apartment.” Suguru explains, causing Satoru’s mouth to fall open dramatically.

“No way.” Satoru says, putting his hands to his cheeks and letting his mouth fall open.

“Okay, I feel like you’re mocking me.” Suguru teases as Satoru continues with the gestures and faces. They sit in silence for a couple moments before Suguru speaks up again. “Did you have a good night, at least?” He asks leaning back and resting his elbow over the back of the couch, his upper body now turned towards Satoru, who looks back at him in the dimly lit living room.

“It was alright, but if I’m being honest, I much rather would've just hung out with you all night.” Satoru says, looking down at the ground before turning back to look at Suguru. He feels like his entire body is instantaneously on fire hearing him say that. He thinks back to the text from Shoko earlier. Does she know something that I don’t? Suguru imagines grabbing Satoru’s face and just kissing him in the moment. He longs to know how his lips feel against his, how his mouth tastes, what his skin feels like under his touch. Suguru doesn’t know how to respond, other than with a smile. You’re really thinking about kissing him right now? Friends don’t think that about their friends, Suguru, he thinks to himself, knowing perfectly well that he wishes they were more than friends.

“Me too.” He says quietly, rubbing the back of his head nervously. He fidgets with his hair, running his hand through it and brushing his fingers through the ends, not ever wanting his time with Satoru to end, but also knowing that he has a cat at home. “If you need to take care of Shiro, I can stay here, Satoru.” He says, looking over as the white haired man raises his eyebrows.

“Aw, you really don’t have to do that Suguru.” Satoru says, reluctantly standing up from his spot on the couch.

“No really, it’s okay. She’s probably hungry.” He says, a smile on his face thinking about the fuzzy white cat waiting for Satoru to come home and feed her. “I’ll get you a ride.” He says, looking up at Satoru as he heads over to grab his coat off of the rack.

“No, don’t worry about it, I can take the tra-”

Suguru cuts him off once again. “Too late,” He says, looking over at Satoru with a smile. “It’s already on its way.” He says, cheerily, knowing that he’s lying. Satoru shakes his head at him as he makes his way towards the front door, a smile on his face and a blush on his cheeks, thankfully not visible in the dimly lit apartment. Suguru watches as Satoru pulls on his shoes. “Text me when you get home?” He says as Satoru stands back up. He raises his eyebrows in response, not knowing how to respond at first, the request surprising him.

“Yeah! Definitely. I will.” He says, sounding flustered, making Suguru smirk. Satoru turns around and opens the door, Suguru right behind him as the harsh light from the hallway pours into Shoko’s apartment.

“Goodnight, Satoru,” Suguru says as Satoru steps out into the hallway. Satoru’s back is to Suguru, so he can’t see the face that Satoru makes, hearing that in person. His blue eyes widen and his face gets hot, thinking about the first time he heard it over the phone. It sounded even better now in person.

“Goodnight Suguru.” He says, turning around to walk backwards towards the elevator with a smile. Satoru makes it down to the elevator and presses the button to go down to the lobby. Suguru hangs onto the doorframe as he hangs out into the hallway.

“Goodnight, Satoru.” Suguru repeats once more, watching Satoru as he waits for the elevator at the end of the hallway. This time, it’s softer, warmer almost.

“Goodnight, Suguru.” Satoru responds in a soft voice, the elevator doors opening in front of him.

“Goodnight, Satoru.” Suguru calls out one last time, barely loud enough for him to hear, earning a whisper in response from Satoru.

“Goodnight, Suguru.” Suguru can read on Satoru’s lips just before he disappears into the elevator. He lingers in the doorway until he hears the elevator doors come to a close. Unable to keep his beaming smile suppressed as he backs into Shoko’s apartment, he closes and locks the door in front of him. He quickly pulls out his phone and orders the uber that he said was already waiting downstairs, leaning his back up against the inside of the front door to take a deep breath before letting out an exasperated sigh, his heart beating hard in his chest. Suguru stays there for a moment longer, thinking about the night.

He makes his way back to sit down on Shoko’s couch, scrolling through his phone to try to distract himself when he hears a set of tiny footsteps walking out towards the living room from the direction of Shoko’s room. He looks up to see what the sound is and is greeted with a meow. “Hey Kai!” Suguru says, projecting a whisper. He pats the couch next to him and the siamese cat quickly joins him on the couch to see who’s in his home. “Did you miss me buddy? It hasn’t been too long since I saw you last.” He continues to whisper, now giving the cat scratches under his chin.

With a smile, Suguru continues petting Shoko’s cat as he crawls up into his lap. “You have such beautiful eyes, Kai… They remind me of someone I know...” He says, trailing off slightly. He turns his head to look towards the window, admiring the moon in the sky peaking through the various buildings that towered around. “I really gotta move somewhere with a better view.” He whispers to the cat, now purring in his lap from the scratches. Suguru can’t help but smile at the tiny creature in his lap that barely knows him, but already has so much love for him. “I think I gotta get a cat too, huh, Kai?” The cat doesn’t make a sound, too preoccupied with Suguru’s hands to even hear him. He smiles to himself at the thought.

Suguru sits quietly in the dim living room, petting Kai on the couch until he jumps off of his lap, heading back towards Shoko’s room. Standing up, Suguru decides that it’s probably a good idea for him to check up on Shoko. He quietly makes his way down the hallway, making sure not to make any noise. He peeks his head into her room, seeing a peacefully sleeping Shoko, shoes on the floor and green dress still on. He silently chuckles to himself at the sight before pulling the door most of the way closed, leaving it open just enough for Kai to get in and out.

Walking back out towards the living room, Suguru notices the pictures Shoko has hung on her wall. They’re made up mostly of family photos, pictures from vacations, pictures with friends, and Suguru notices a picture of a very young looking Shoko sitting on the bench of a picnic table. Next to her sits a skinny boy with snow white hair and wearing round black sunglasses. Suguru gets closer to the picture, not believing that it’s Satoru. When he gets close enough, it’s undeniable with those bright blue eyes and white hair that it’s him, not to mention the obnoxious look on his face. He can’t help but smile big at the sight of a high school aged Shoko and Satoru. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, looking over the rest of the pictures to see if he sees any other pictures of them from school. He doesn’t see any, but he does find one of him and Shoko when they were both less than two years old. He’d seen the picture a million times from his mom; it was impossible to miss. A tiny Suguru and an even tinier Shoko sitting inside of a large bin, squished together, the biggest smiles on their faces. He doesn’t remember it, but he smiles at the sight of the photo.

He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulls it out to see that it’s a text from Satoru. A smile appears on his face almost automatically upon seeing his name pop up on the screen. He slides it open and reads the text.

‘Made it home! Shiro thanks you and misses you! 😄’ He reads just before another text comes in. It’s a picture of Shiro looking up at the camera, Satoru’s purple socks with fish on them also in the picture.

‘Nice socks.’ Suguru sends back with a smile on his face as he sits back down on Shoko’s couch, spreading his legs as he leans back into the cushions. Immediately, the three little dots pop up and Suguru eagerly waits for an answer that comes quickly.

‘You should see what’s under them 😏’

Suguru lets out a small laugh at the joke. He holds down and uses the haha reaction before typing out his final response, his eyelids starting to feel slightly heavy, especially after not getting much sleep the night before.

‘Goodnight Satoru :)’ He sends back, a soft smile still resting on his face. Satoru almost immediately types back his response.

‘Goodnight Suguru :)’ He reads it, hearing Satoru’s voice perfectly in his mind. He locks his phone and holds it to his chest, almost overwhelmed with happiness.

As Suguru is about to let himself succumb to the sleepiness that he feels taking over his body he lets out one last “Goodnight Satoru,” purely for himself to hear. He lets his eyes fall shut, a smile still on his face as he drifts off to sleep.

chapter 7

#satosugu #stsg #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #geto suguru #suguru geto #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #office au #4littlefishies #the 36th floor

24 notes · View notes

ktkat99 · 1 year ago

Text

Ao3 is down. I'll be posting here.

Two Weeks Of Whump Challenge Day 2. Isolation Chamber

Tim raised his fist to knock on Bruce's bedroom door, but froze.

He was being stupid.

This wasn't something he needed an adult for.

This wasn't something he needed to bother Bruce with.

But… he wanted to.

He exhaled and dropped his hand, head swimming.

He didn't need to wake Bruce.

He didn't need to bother him.

It wasn't like he'd never been sick before.

He coughed harshly and leaned back against the wall, sliding down to sit beside his adoptive father's closed door, letting his forehead rest against his knees.

He'd felt lousy when they'd returned from patrol, but since he'd lost his spleen that was nothing new. He could usually just deal with the fatigue, but this wasn't that.

He wasn't feeling any better, even though he'd been laying in bed for the past several hours. He felt hot, sweaty, sore, and completely exhausted.

His throat hurt.

He kept coughing.

And his ears wouldn't stop ringing no matter what he tried.

He wanted help.

He wanted someone to take over and make him feel better. He'd tried everything and just felt worse and worse.

But, at the same time, Tim knew he was nearly an adult. He didn't need attention like some kid, but he was just… so tired.

Yyyyy

"Tim, wake up."

He tried to.

He really did.

But his eyes were glued shut.

Every muscle ached like he'd just gotten back from mountain climbing.

His head wouldn't focus.

"Tim!"

It was hot.

Way too hot.

"Bruce? What's going on?"

"Get Alfred! Now, Dick!"

He heard a whimper and felt a large hand rub his chest. "Shh, shh. You're going to be okay. Just stay with me. Open your eyes.

Everything felt like it was spinning. He could feel his breaths coming out in desperate, short gasps.

"Jay, go get a thermometer."

"Hm? Why..? Oh, shit."

He coughed, body spasming.

Why couldn't he open his eyes?

Why… why was it so hot?

"You're going to be okay. Just stay with me."

Yyyyy

Cloth was around his eyes when he woke up.

He… he felt something in his hand.

"Tim? Tim, can you hear me?"

"'ruce..?" His throat was killing him, and he hadn't expected talking to be as hard as it was.

The thing in his hand moved and he was able to tell that… it was another hand.

Someone was… holding his hand?

"It's me, buddy. How are you feeling?"

"What happened?" He was so hoarse he almost didn't even recognize his own voice.

"You're sick, buddy. I shouldn't have let you go up against Freeze without backup. You fainted in the hall sometime yesterday morning."

"Sorry." He breathed. "What're you doin' here?"

"Making sure you're doing alright. You scared the hell out of me, Tim."

"S'rry." He was tired.

Confused.

Dizzy.

"Don't apologize."

"You don't… need to stay. Imma be fine."

Something brushed his head, pushing his sweat-soaked hair back. "I'm staying. Deal with it."

Bruce's voice was soft, but he could hear that he was smiling.

"Mm. Tired." He whispered.

"You can sleep. I'll still be here."

Yyyyy

The next time Tim woke up, there was beeping.

He felt the tickle of a nose cannula, and the pressure of tape holding an IV in his arm.

He was so cold.

"Bruce..?" He whispered.

The only thing he heard was the beeping of machines.

He still couldn't see.

His bones felt like lead weights.

"Bruce?" He tried to speak louder, but irritated his throat and fell into a coughing fit.

The beeps changed.

An alarm sounded.

There was a hiss, like a sealed door sliding open.

"Breathe. Come on, Tim. Breathe. In and out."

A hand rubbed his chest, helping to calm his fit.

"That's it. That's it, buddy. You're going to be okay."

Bruce..?

He sounded worried.

Tim turned his head towards the voice.

"Said… you'd be here."

The hand stilled on his chest.

"I know. I'm sorry. But you took a turn for the worse, and with your spleen, we couldn't take any chances."

"Where..?"

"You're in the cave. We had to set up the bio room for you."

Tim felt chilled all over again, for an entirely different reason.

The med bay was always kept sterile, but was also equipped with recessed, air-tight walls that could be pulled out to seal the room off completely in case of emergency.

It was mainly used in cases of bioweaponry, dangerous patients, or in need of a holding cell. In other words, he was in isolation.

"Tim, please." His hand was picked up by a gloved hand and pressed to a chest. "Breathe. Like this. You can do it."

He tried.

He really, really tried.

"Tim, you need to breathe slower."

"Please." He croaked. "Please."

"Tim, you're hyperventilating." A second hand combed through his hair, but stopped when the glove ended up just tugging his hair.

"Don' leave. Don't wanna be alone."

The hand holding his hand against Bruce's chest tightened.

"Buddy, I'm so sorry. It's for your own good."

"I'll be good." He felt wetness on his face and couldn't tell if it was tears or sweat.

He'd always been left alone when he was sick.

His parents always had work, and the people they worked with didn't need to be getting a child's cold passed onto them.

His father tended to… fancy… the nannies which meant his mother fired and rehired them too fast for any of them to care too much about his comfort while sick.

Bruce…

He used to bring him soup and hot drinks.

He used to sit with him.

He…

He used to… be there.

"Don't leave." He whispered through gasps. "Please..?" He was definitely crying now.

"Tim, buddy. It's for your own good. I'm sorry. I'm… Timmy, I'm so sorry."

"I'll be good. Please. Please don't leave."

"I have to. I'm sorry. I- I shouldn't even be in here now."

"No. No, no, no. Please, please. I don't want to be alone."

The intercom blipped to life. "Bruce, he needs to be sedated. His heart rate's way too high, and he's panicking."

"Tim-,"

"Please. Don't do this. I don't want to be alone."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Timmy. It's for your own good."

He felt a prick in his neck and his brain started to fog.

He was tired.

His hand grew limp.

"I'm sorry, Timmy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, son."

The last thing he felt was his hand being laid across his own chest.

The last thing he heard was the hiss of the door closing.

The last thing he knew, was that he was once again alone.

#batman #tim drake #red robin #batfam #bruce wayne #tim drake's missing spleen #sickfic #bruce and tim #twoweeksofwhump #twow

125 notes · View notes

matchalattegreen · 10 months ago

Text

Sodapop Curtis x Reader: Sick Day

You had been feeling like crap all day. You had regretting going to work but you toughed your way through the day. Now you were walking back home and your head was pounding and your stomach was twisting and turning and your entire body was sweating and aching. You figured on your way home you could maybe stop by the DX and grab some medicine or something.

When you got there, you saw your boyfriend, Sodapop working on a car outside. You tried to avoid him. If he saw you so sick he would get too protective and you wanted the least amount of attention possible at that moment. You opened the door to the small store, then you suddenly felt a hand on your shoulder and turned around.

"Thought you could sneak past me, huh, baby?" Sodapop said, grinning. You forced a small smile to play along with his warm attitude.

His smile immediately faded into a look of concern when he studied your face. "Babe, you don't look so good... You feeling alright?"

"I'm just a little sick," you said tiredly. "Imma go home right after this and go rest."

He sighed and gently placed his hand on your forehead. "Oh Jesus, you're burning up. Did you go to work today?"

You sadly nodded your head, knowing Soda wouldn't be happy hearing this.

His face turned more concerned. "Baby, you're really sick, you should've stayed home. You're not gonna get better if you don't rest."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm going home right after I leave here, I just thought I'd pick up some medicine."

Sodapop's face was filled with care and concern. "Did you walk here?"

You nodded and he sighed. He walked over to the counter and grabbed a bottle of some basic over-the-counter medicine, slapped down a ten dollar bill on the counter and turned back to you. "I'm gonna drive you home."

You tried to counter. "Soda-"

He raised his finger to your lips to hush you. "You're in no condition to walk home, especially not by yourself. Besides, I was just about to get off work anyway."

You opened your mouth to say something else but you didn't get the chance because in a moment Sodapop had you by the hand and was leading you out to his car.

On the drive to your house, Soda made sure to drive nice and easy, periodically turning his head to check on you. You were having trouble staying awake, still sweating and shivering and aching.

When you arrived at your house Soda helped you out of the car. He wrapped an arm around your waist to help support you on your way in. He helped you all the way to your bedroom.

You sat down on your bed and Soda helped you take off your shoes. "Alright now lie down, its gonna be ok." He helped you ease into bed and lie down before covering you up with a blanket. "There you go baby, now lie here and rest while I go get you some medicine and a glass of cold water." He quickly leaft the room, but came back a minute later with a pill in his hand and a frosty glass in the other.

"Ok," he said, sitting on the edge of your bed. "Take this, it should help." He handed you the pill, then the glass of water and watched as you swallowed the medicine. "Good, now just rest and hopefully you'll soon be feeling at least a little better."

"Soda you shouldn't be so close to me, I don't want you to get sick too," you said tiredly. He just chuckled.

"I don't care. You need someone to take care of you so here I am. Now try to get some sleep." He gently stroked your hair as you closed your eyes and instantly fall into a deep sleep.

He continued stroking your hair softly as he whispered to you. "I love you baby... I need you to feel better..."

#sodapop curtis #sodapop x reader #the outsiders #the outsiders imagine #the outsiders fanfiction #kal writes

44 notes · View notes

fangirls-fanfiction · 2 months ago

Text

Chapter Five

Story below undercut:

"Come on you damn thing!"

The Queen of Hell growled as her radio just came on with static. Turning the station once again, she eagerly bounced in her seat in her office as the she heard the unmistakable voice of the announcer for Dice's show.

"It's time for everyone's favorite game show; Roll the Dice!"

Leaning her head on her hand, she began working on her paperwork with a smile on her face. She did find joy listening to the show once and a while. For the thrill of listening to her next soul be delivered right to her vault of course. She had no other interest in the show.

"With your host; Queen Dice!"

Perking up, she stared at the radio as if it was actually Dice singing. She truly was talented, there was no doubt about that. She easily won people over with her charm, every little citizen of Inkwell was wrapped around her finger, and dammit she knew it.

With that thought, the Devil frowned, getting back to her paperwork.

Except for her, of course. Dice had everyone except her wrapped around her finger.

It wasn't long before Queen Dice had stopped singing, the demon thinking about turning the radio off. But no, she had to wait until the unsuspecting mortal lost their soul. That's what she was listening in for after all.

Though she jumped and scrambled to turn off her radio at the sound of someone knocking.

"Come on you damn... Stupid..."

The radio didn't seem to want to turn off. Finally having enough, she threw it at the wall, breaking it into pieces. Though destroyed beyond repair, it was quiet now.

"Come in." She cleared her throat.

"I thought I'd find you here," Henchwoman smiled as she pushed the lunch tray into the room. "Gettin some work done I see— " She noticed the radio on the ground.

"Is that my radio?"

"Uh... I— I had a bit of trouble with it... I— I'll get you a new one."

"I didn't know you listened to the radio, Boss. Were you listenin to 'Roll the Dice'? I love that radio show, Miss Queen Dice is so talented." Henchwoman sighed.

The Queen of Hell sighed blissfully as well. Queen Dice was very talented indeed. Her voice was wonderful, she could hear it for hours and never get sick of it.

"Boss?"

"Hmm?" The Devil was pulled out of her daydreaming.

"You're... You're doin it again."

"Doing what again?"

"Sometimes you'll— D'uhm... You'll start smiling and then you'll just... Stare off into space. Like... Like what you were just doin." Henchwoman explained, twiddling her thumbs.

"What?" The demon blinked. "N— No I don't!"

"Uh... Ya definitely do, Boss..."

Groaning, Lucifer leaned her head on her desk.

"What's wrong with me, Henchwoman...?"

"There's nothin wrong with you, maybe you're just tired. How much sleep didja get last night?"

"Uhm..."

When she wasn't crying, she was staring up at the ceiling thinking about... Well, thinking about Dice. And then she'd start crying again. But Henchwoman didn't need to know that.

"A decent amount of sleep... I suppose..."

"Well, uh... You been eating alright?"

"I think so..."

"Are ya sick?"

"I don't think..."

Henchwoman hummed in thought, racking her brain as she sat the demons lunch on her desk. Poking at her food, the Devil was rather unenthusiastic about eating. Sighing, she pushed her plate away, leaning on her desk again.

"You sure you're not sick?" Henchwoman asked.

"I don't know... I feel... I feel something... I... I dunno what it is..."

"Like... A stomach ache?"

That wasn't it at all. The Devil was well aware how a stomach ache felt, she'd learned the hard way when she had one too many of those mysterious cookies that showed up at her doorstep. Henchwoman insisted that it was that Chef Saltbaker trying to poison her— Though she should know better than anyone that poison didn't work on the demon.

But this wasn't it. Not even close.

Henchwoman just didn't understand. And if she couldn't, who would?

"I guess... Yeah, a stomach ache..."

"D'awwwe Boss, it's ok, why don't ya just take it easy for the rest of the day? I'll go tell Stickler you're sick." Henchwoman took the plate from her desk, pushing the cart out of the room.

She couldn't keep going on like this, just pushing through this feeling and hoping that it'd go away. The feeling only got stronger, no matter how much she denied it. She racked her brain, thinking long without taking her head off the desk. Surely there was some way to get rid of this feeling.

The longer she sat there, the more tired she had gotten. She really hadn't gotten much sleep last night, she couldn't have. Even if sleeping was more of a hobby than a requirement for her, this whole ordeal drained her energy.

Standing and going over to the chase lounge, she got as comfortable as she could on it. She really should have just teleported to her room, but the sloth in her was just too lazy to. Yawning and closing her eyes, she eventually willed herself to sleep, despite the incredibly uncomfortable position.

♠️ ♠️ ♠️

The Devil wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep, but she wasn't exactly very enthused when she was rudely awakened by the door opening. She sat up quickly, turning to face the door, less than delighted to see who had opened the door.

"Did I wake you?" Queen Dice asked.

"No," The demon laid back on the couch, adjusting her position so she was sleeping on her side. "I was just sleeping peacefully until you opened that blasted door."

"Sorry..." Queen Dice mumbled, the demon rolling her eyes. She had long since gave up trying to get Dice to stop apologizing, it was just an unbreakable, bad habit.

"Heard you were sick." Dice went on.

"Did Henchwoman tell you?" Lucifer scoffed.

"Yeah, she said you had a stomach ache. You still feeling sick?" She asked.

The Queen of Hell stopped for a moment. Funny. The feeling was gone. Maybe all she needed was some sleep.

"It feels like it might be." The Devil muttered, glancing at Dice.

Though upon seeing her loyal worker, her heart skipped a beat, that horrible feeling coming back.

"Actually... Maybe not..."

Queen Dice frowned walking over to the chase lounge with her Boss.

'What are you doing?! Stay over there! Please you'll only make it worse!’ The demon thought frantically, sitting up and trying to scramble backwards off the seat, the armrest blocking her.

"Just relax, Boss, I'm just trying to help." Queen Dice placed a hand on the demons shoulder before taking her other shoulder, and gently laying her back down. "If ya ever wanna get better, you'll have to relax."

Patting her shoulders, the woman retracted her hands.

"Gosh, you're so tense, Boss, ya gotta relax, otherwise it'll just get worse."

Queen Dice was right, it seemed the more and more she got tense, the worse the feeling got. Not to mention the awful knot that was forming in her stomach.

"I'm sure it'll go away if you just relax." Dice went on.

Nodding, Old Scratch rolled back over on her side, trying to calm down. Though she tensed back up as she felt fingers running through her curly hair.

"Dice?— "

"It'll help you destress, I promise. Unless you don't want me touching your hair." Queen Dice stopped.

"Do what you must," The Devil groaned, her gaze falling to the ground. "Just make it go away."

"I can't make it go away, but it might help it go away."

Crossing her arms, the Devil let Dice follow through with this, even if she was a little skeptical in her theory.

As Dice gently played with her hair, the demon did find it soothing, willing her back to sleep. And though it didn't make the feeling go away as Dice said it would, Lucifer found it too comfortable to make Dice stop. Slowly closing her eyes, the demon found herself relaxing more than she had in a long time.

Once again, Queen Dice knew what to do in a situation. She was clever like that.

Though when Dice went to move hair out from behind her, she seemed to pause for a moment, but continued soon after. Opening one eye to just a sliver, the Devil wondered why she had paused.

Deciding it wasn't important, she closed her eye again. Slowly but surely, she began falling asleep again.

Breathing slowly and lightly at this point, she felt Dice's hands leave her hair. Though the demon wanted her to continue, she figured it was more important for her to sleep. Dice probably had better things to do anyway.

Though she never heard Dice leave the room, or even walk away.

Opening one of her eyes, she didn't move but wanted to make sure she knew exactly when Dice had left. Though she did hear Dice talking to herself, as she often did. As low as a mumble, she couldn't make out any of it except one thing;

"I wonder if she's always had those scars..."

Both of her eyes snapping open, she sat up, looking directly to Dice.

"I'm sorry, did— Did I wake you again?" Queen Dice asked.

Why had the Devil let her guard down? Why had she allowed Dice even near her in the first place?

Flattening her hair, the demon made sure the scars on her back were covered, all the while staring at Dice.

"Did... Did you hear me talking about the scars? I— I didn't mean anything by it, Boss, I was only curious." The woman tried to explain.

"Shut up. Don't— Don't talk about them."

Her emotions were getting rocky again. Masking them with rage, she refused to cry in front of Dice.

"How dare you even look at them? Wh— Why were you even looking at them in the first place?"

"Your hair was hiding them, I just— I just happened to see them. I— I— I'm sorry..."

"You had NO BUSINESS staring at them."

"Buh— Boss, you gotta calm down, otherwise you'll never get better." Queen Dice reached for her.

Whether it was to touch her face or her hair, the Devil wasn't having it; she caught her by the wrist, holding it tightly.

"Don't you ever bring them up again— Don't even look at them."

"Boss— "

"In fact, if you ever find yourself wanting to help out when I'm sick— Don't." She squeezed Dice's wrist tighter.

"Boss!— " Queen Dice tugged back from her, trying to get her hand back.

"Understand?"

"Ye— Yes Boss, but— But— But you're— You're hurting me..."

Her rage melting away, the Devil finally let go of Dice's hand, the woman quickly pulling it away as she backed up. Scrambling from the couch, she tried to approach Dice, just wanting to make sure she was alright. Though with every step she took, Dice pinned herself against the wall.

The Devil paused at that reaction; Dice was scared. She was scared of her...

Still, she tried again.

"Dice, I'm... I didn't mean to... I just..."

Sniffling, Queen Dice pushed past her, and quickly through the office and out the door.

"Dice! Wait! I didn't mean it! I'm..."

Lucifer ran to the doorway, just in time to see the Hellevator leave to go to the surface world.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." She still said, tears welling up in her eyes.

#fanfiction #welcome back to the casino au #humanized au #genderbend #my au #the devil cuphead #luci morningstar #queen dice #devildice #henchwoman #tw swearing #tw angst

5 notes · View notes

evangelinesecondacc · 7 months ago

Text

A/N: so guys i decided to post part two of 'Love' the way i planned to. Imma post the fifth year parts and the next part will contain the 6th year, I js didn't want you to wait so long. I ain't romanticizing that shit, I js think that these are be of their past and lore, and a few of the things were also requested really often so l tried to work it out

And guys after the fourth year will be way more angst and serious things, you could say that it's going downhill from now on

TW: huge trigger warning, there will be mentions of ED, SA and alcohol, a little bit angst (I don't know if that's a trigger)

Fifth Year: The burden of Silence

The pressure of fifth year weighed heavily on Y/N. The intensity of preparing for O.W.L.s was suffocating, and she found herself drowning in expectations—her own, her parents', and those of her professors. The need to be perfect gnawed at her, and soon, she began slipping into old, destructive habits.

She skipped meals, convincing herself it was the only way to stay focused, to keep control. Her friends noticed her growing fatigue, but Y/N deflected their concern with practiced ease. Even Mattheo, with his perceptive eyes and gentle concern, couldn’t penetrate the walls she’d built around herself.

But he watched. He saw the way her clothes began to hang loosely on her frame, the way she avoided the Great Hall during meals, the hollow look in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. He tried to talk to her, but she brushed him off with forced smiles and reassurances that everything was fine.

One evening, as they sat in the Slytherin common room, Y/N’s hand trembled as she scribbled notes. Mattheo, sitting across from her, couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Y/N,” he said quietly, his voice filled with concern. “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard. You need to take care of yourself.”

She looked up, her eyes tired but defiant. “I’m fine, Mattheo. Just stressed about the exams.”

“Skipping meals isn’t going to help,” he replied, his tone firmer now.

She flinched, the truth of his words hitting her like a blow. “I said I’m fine,” she repeated, but her voice wavered.

He didn’t push further that night, but his worry only deepened.

As the weeks passed, Y/N’s condition worsened. She was constantly exhausted, her skin pale and gaunt. Mattheo’s heart ached every time he looked at her. He felt helpless, desperate to do something, anything, to pull her back from the edge.

One night, unable to sleep, Mattheo decided to take a walk. As he wandered the dimly lit corridors, he found himself drawn to the kitchens. He paused when he saw a familiar figure sitting on the floor, her back against the wall, her knees drawn to her chest. It was Y/N, her face buried in her hands.

“Y/N,” he called softly, approaching her. “What are you doing here?”

She looked up, tears streaming down her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

His heart broke at the sight of her. He knelt beside her, gently pulling her hands away from her face. “Hey, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this anymore,” she choked out. “I’m so tired, Mattheo. I’m so tired of pretending everything is fine.”

“You don’t have to pretend,” he said softly. “Not with me.”

She shook her head, her tears falling faster. “I’m scared, Mattheo. I don’t know how to stop.”

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. “You’re not alone. We’ll figure this out together, okay?”

In the days that followed, Mattheo stayed close to Y/N, watching her with an intensity that made her uncomfortable. She knew he meant well, but the guilt of worrying him only added to her burden.

One afternoon, they sat by the Black Lake, the cool breeze ruffling their robes. Mattheo decided it was time to confront her about her eating disorder.

“Y/N, we need to talk,” he began, his voice steady but filled with concern.

She glanced at him, her eyes wary. “About what?”

“About what’s really going on,” he said, not backing down. “I know you’re struggling, and I want to help.”

She looked away, her hands clenching into fists. “I don’t know how to stop,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “I feel like I’m losing control.”

“You’re not losing control,” he said firmly. “You’re just struggling, and that’s okay. But you need help, Y/N. More help than I can give.”

Tears filled her eyes, and she shook her head. “I don’t want anyone to know. They’ll think I’m weak.”

“You’re not weak,” he said fiercely, his hands trembling as he reached for hers. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. But even the strongest people need help sometimes.”

She looked at him, her eyes filled with desperation. “What if I can’t get better?”

“You will,” he said, his voice breaking. “You have to believe that. And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

The road to recovery was anything but easy. Y/N began seeing a healer, a process that was both painful and necessary. She had to confront the deep-rooted fears and insecurities that had driven her to this point. It was a struggle, but she wasn’t alone. Mattheo was there, his support unwavering.

There were days when it felt like too much, when Y/N wanted to give up. But Mattheo wouldn’t let her. He was her anchor, her constant, and she drew strength from his presence.

One evening, as they sat in the Slytherin common room, Y/N looked at Mattheo, her eyes filled with gratitude and something deeper. “I don’t know how to thank you,” she said softly. “For everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he replied, his eyes warm. “I’m just glad you’re getting better.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she said, her voice trembling. “You’ve been my strength.”

He shook his head. “No, Y/N. You’re the strong one. You’re fighting this battle, and you’re winning.”

She smiled, a genuine smile that reached her eyes. “We’re strong together.”

He reached out, taking her hand in his. “And we’ll get through this. One step at a time.”

As they sat there, hand in hand, Y/N felt a sense of hope she hadn’t felt in a long time. The road to recovery was long and difficult, but with Mattheo by her side, she believed they could face anything together..

---

Fifth Year: Yule Ball Shadows

The Yule Ball was a spectacle of light and music, a temporary reprieve from the pressures of school. The Great Hall had been transformed into a winter wonderland, with twinkling fairy lights and shimmering icicles hanging from the enchanted ceiling. Y/N, dressed in an elegant emerald-green gown that matched her Slytherin house colors, felt a rare excitement bubbling inside her as she entered the hall with her friends.

For a while, the night was perfect. She laughed, danced, and felt like a normal teenager, not the girl struggling with the weight of expectations and the shadows of her own mind. Mattheo, ever the watchful friend, had been by her side most of the evening, his presence a comforting constant.

But as the night wore on, things began to change. Y/N had separated from Mattheo to get some fresh air, needing a break from the noise and the crowd. She wandered into a quieter corridor, the sounds of the ball fading behind her.

Y/N leaned against a wall, taking deep breaths to calm herself. The silence was a relief, but it didn't last long. A group of older students, clearly having had too much to drink, stumbled upon her. Their eyes were filled with a predatory gleam that made her skin crawl.

"Hey, look who we have here," one of them slurred, a twisted grin on his face. "A pretty little Slytherin all alone."

Y/N tried to sidestep them, but another blocked her path. "What’s the rush? Stay and chat with us."

She could feel panic rising in her chest. "I need to get back," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

One of them grabbed her arm, holding her in place. "Oh, come on. Don't be like that."

Her heart raced as she struggled to free herself. "Let go of me!"

But they didn't listen. Instead, they laughed, the sound cruel and mocking. Tears of frustration and fear welled up in her eyes as she realized she was trapped.

Meanwhile, Mattheo had noticed Y/N’s absence and felt a knot of worry tighten in his stomach. He excused himself from his conversation with Draco and Pansy and went in search of her. When he heard voices echoing down a distant corridor, he quickened his pace.

The sight that greeted him made his blood boil. Y/N was pressed against the wall, her eyes wide with fear, and those bastards were laughing at her distress. Without a second thought, Mattheo stormed over, his anger palpable.

"Get your hands off her," he growled, his voice low and dangerous.

The group turned, sneering at the interruption. "And who do you think you are?" one of them taunted.

"Someone who's going to make you regret touching her," Mattheo snapped, his fists clenched.

One of the boys stepped forward, trying to intimidate Mattheo. "Big words. Let's see if you can back them up."

Before the boy could react, Mattheo's fist connected with his jaw, sending him sprawling to the floor. The others hesitated for a moment, then lunged at Mattheo. It was a chaotic, brutal fight. Mattheo was outnumbered, but his rage fueled him, giving him strength and speed. He fought with a ferocity that stunned his opponents, landing blow after blow.

Y/N watched in shock and horror as Mattheo defended her. She wanted to help, but fear rooted her to the spot. The fight was over quickly. The boys, now bloodied and bruised, staggered away, muttering threats and curses.

Breathing heavily, Mattheo turned to Y/N. His knuckles were split and bleeding, but his concern was solely on her. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice softer now.

She nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I-I think so. Mattheo, I’m so sorry."

He stepped closer, wiping her tears gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for. This isn’t your fault."

"But you got hurt because of me," she whispered, her voice breaking.

He shook his head. "I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I won’t let anyone hurt you, Y/N. Not ever."

She threw her arms around him, sobbing into his chest. He held her tightly, his own heart breaking at her pain. "It’s okay," he murmured. "You’re safe now. I’ve got you."

They stayed like that for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms. Eventually, Mattheo pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes. "Let’s get out of here. We’ll go somewhere safe."

She nodded, trusting him completely. As they walked back to the Great Hall, Mattheo kept a protective arm around her, his presence a shield against the world.

---

Later that night, after Y/N had fallen asleep in the safety of her dormitory, Mattheo sat by her side, watching over her. The events of the evening replayed in his mind, and a fierce determination settled in his heart. He would protect her, no matter the cost. She was more than a friend to him, and he would fight for her, always.

13 notes · View notes

sunny-mercya · 9 months ago

Text

Given

03. Sensitivity

Heiji Hattori x Male Reader

Fandom -> Detective Conan/Case Closed

Masterlist | Previous / Next |

Back in your hotel room, you got down from Heiji's back—limping in slow waddle motion like a penguin towards the bed, too exhausted to change (besides the shoes, which you kicked off) out of clothes and into more comfy ones, laying down onto the bed—moaning out of pain and frustration as your legs still aching and the once dulling pain, from the icepack, flaring up again—wanting nothing more than to sleep, even when it would be such a few hours—migraine already pounding and adding to your burden of current health issues.

»Where did ya put yer medications?« asked Heiji, taking off his jacket and cap, crouching down to your open luggage already.

»In that...uhh...tiny thingy....that bag with the first-aid logo...« you mumble out, eyes closing every so often—seeing your boyfriend only in a slight blurriness, glasses laying somewhere on the bed next to you.

Heiji searched through your clothes—noticing its mostly his clothes, which you never had given back when he had lend them to you, always finding it cute whenever you would wear them—and the few books, mystery crime novels and mangas, you brought along—having found the neon-green bag quickly and zipping it open.

»They ain' in here.« Heiji had looked in your medical-bag twice and besides the other various pills and medications—antidepressants, anti-anxiety, pills for insomnia, painkillers and so on—you had to take more than often, the ones for migraines weren't in there though.

»No! That can't be!« you cried out in disbelief, sitting up instantly—moaning out from the upcoming pain again—crawling off from the bed, letting yourself tumbling down onto the floor and moving to your luggage.

You rummaged through your clothes, tossing the books and everything bulky looking outside and doing a double check again—but nothing, absolutely nothing.

»I had them packed! Heiji! I swear I packed them! I couldn't just forget them!« emphasising your words, you looked at Heiji with a stressed expression and wobbly lips—raking your hands through your hair, gripping it tightly.

Besides the few times, in the very beginning when you had freshly started with your medications, you had never dared to forget them—double-checking twice whenever you pack your bag, making sure they all were there when needed.

So getting told one kind of your pills aren't packed in the bag—as they should be though—makes you questioning yourself with some doubt about your still remaining capacity of independency.

You let yourself fall down into the pile of clothes, burying your face into the fabrics, doubling over from the next upcoming headache wave—and damping them with your tears.

»Hey, hey, my sunshine it's gonna be alright. I'll go to the pharmacy real quick and get ya some of yer painkillers,« assured Heiji you, rubbing your back in comfort.

»You....can't. All my medications....they are....prescriptions...« you shook your head, knowing that Heiji—even when he meant well—wouldn't be able to receive them, not without an official authorisation permission from your Doctors.

»Nah, Imma get ya some painkillers. I promise. Just, stay here, I'll be quick.« Heiji leaned down, kissing the top of your head and throwing his jacket—like a blanket—over you.

~~~

When Heiji had reached the Central Pharmacy—a far bigger one with much more logistics than the smaller shops—the sun had completely disappeared down the sky by now, making space for the night—and although the night had started, the streets are still crowded as if it was midday.

Stepping inside, Heiji was greeted with the cool breeze from the AC—an stark contrast to the still warm air outside—walking up to the reception, greeting the Lady politely and stating his kind of problem.

Heiji hoped, despite him not having the needed prescriptions or permission papers, they would be understanding enough to gave your medications out to him—otherwise if not, he would have to buy you some low dosed cheap ones and those kinds wouldn't be strong enough to relief you from the pressuring pain.

Heiji knows—from first hand experience, during the time when you both had freshly started to date—just how strong your migraines could be, how painful they are for you—remembering well that one time, where you collapsed all of sudden—withering and doubling over in pain—almost crushing his hand, when you had to endure the pain for the rest of the day without any painkillers.

»Of course. Do you have perhaps any other sort of authorisations ID with you? Otherwise we have to clarify check any information of the patient with what you know and if you can't get a score of at least 85% we have to decline your request.«

Heiji took his wallet out, getting his own ID and the Emergency Card—which he had gotten from your Parents, after your kidnapping—hoping those were sufficient enough for clarification.

»Aah. You don't need any official authorisation documents from the doctors, if you have the Emergency Card with you as it serves as a permission clarification just as well and is more easily to scan and grand access.« explained the lady, chuckling a bit in amusement.

~~~

After unlocking the door with the keycard, getting inside and closing the door with a slight kick of his foot—Heiji sat the bags down onto the nightstand.

»[Name]? I'm back. I got ya painkillers and brought us some snacks and drinks too,«

When Heiji didn't saw you laying on the bed—forgetting that you had decided to stay on the floor, instead of moving back—he checked the bathroom and when he found it void of your presence too, Heiji felt a minimal panic rising up—till he remembers where you were and sighed in relief.

Kneeling down to you, Heiji shook you gently awake—had you really fallen asleep in your open luggage—droving his hand through your hair and caressing your cheek.

Stirring awake, you looked at Heiji with squinting eyes—that bit of sleep, which only seemed to have lasted for nothing more than 30 minutes, was clustering enough for your eyes.

»Hey Sleepyhead, ya think ya can get up?« asked Heiji, already turning your body sideways slightly—sliding his hands under your back and knee pit, picking you up.

You only mumbled an »Nuuh« out, rubbing your eyes.

»Thought so,« Heiji placed you down onto the bed and you sucked in a breath once you felt the softness of the mattress—holding back an moan of pain, when Heiji stretched your legs out.

Fairly awake now, you sat up a bit. Taking the bottle of Cola from Heiji—hands shaking slightly as you popped in two pills and gulping down half of the bottle.

»How did you.....«

»Emergency card.«

»A what?«

»Emergency Card, got it from yer parents, after.....ya know.....and it serves like a permission slip too, apparently way easier to scan and grand access«

Nodding, you took another sip of your Cola. Must be something new as you never heard of it and neither Mrs.Tanaka or Dr.Akiyama had mentioned this so called Emergency Card before.

»Look what I got ya from the pharmacy as well! The pharmacist says it will help sooth the pain and cramping in yer legs.« Heiji fished out a tube from the bag, showing it to you before unclasping it.

Pouring a good amount of cream-gel onto his hands, Heiji started to smear it on your leg and you didn't know what caused it—the icy coldness of that cream, Heiji's hands alone or the flaring sensation of pain—but your leg jerked up and crashed almost with Heiji's face, if he hadn't moved away quickly.

»Waa...whaa....what are you doing?!« stammering, feeling a rush of heat in your face, you looked at Heiji as if he was out of his mind.

»Massaging yer legs?«

»I– why? You–you.....you don't need to!«

If it weren't for those stupid cramps and that horrible pain, you would have moved your legs away in an instant and hiding them in the blankets.

It's already bad enough that your legs are bare—so naked—but that's your own stupid fault though as you had decided to wear shorts after wall, simply because you never were a person for jeans or any long pants.

And it wasn't because of your naked skin that you didn't want Heiji near your legs, but because of all those scars you had now—which you had received during your survival fight with Daiki and they were a constant reminder—especially your silted wrist scar—of how weak (and what failure) you are—which you didn't want Heiji to see.

Because you couldn't stomach those thoughts, that Heiji—the man you loved so much with a love so deeply rooted in your heart, which collides every so often like a wave within a wave and crashing onto the land, sending you skyrocket high like ecstasy would do—found you ugly and unattractive.

You're ugly—had known this ever since—never believed in the delusion that you're pretty or even remotely close of being attractive in the slightest—not like all those other boys and girls and sometimes you wonder why Heiji dates you, when there are other people out there which are much more attractive and better match for him.

Such thoughts alone brought the tears welling up in your eyes and as if you weren't already an emotional wreck beforehand, you now felt even more like a burden of deadweight—sniffling, you rubbed your eyes in a desperate attempt to make these damn tears stop.

But they didn't stop, flowing more and more like a waterfall—the first sobs coming through your wobbly lips, clamping your mouth shut to hold them off—because dear god, these fucking thoughts alone of Heiji frowning upon you with disgust and judgement would send you into self-loathing and resentment

If strangers gave such stares and scrutinising you with their eyes of judgment and trash talking gossip, you wouldn't give a fuck and walk around with confidence—but Heiji is no stranger, he's your boyfriend and his opinion—how he views you as a human being—about you does matter.

»Hey, hey, what's with the tears? Is it the pain? Are yer migraines coming back? Ya want another pill? Hey, c'mon talk to me, Sunshine,« Heiji grabbed a tissue from the nightstand, wiping his hands off.

He wasn't sure what caused the sudden sensation of tears in you—there are too many reasons for it to be, to discerns the right cause—but whatever it was and even when it would be a dumb reason, Heiji wanted to make it stop—taking the cause of your tears away from you.

With the intake of your medications there had come a certain amount of emotionally sensitivity with it and on some days even a simple „Thank you“ or just seeing the sky above brought you to cry.

Heiji had taken ahold of your wrist—feeling the bumpy scarred skin beneath his fingers and a beginning of a thought as of why you seemed in tears crossed his mind—prying them in a gentle manner from your face.

»Hey, hey, c'mon what's the matter? Ya can tell me, ya know?« Heiji tried to coaxed it out from you, wanting to hear it from yourself—with your own words of voice—that you're feeling insecure, but you stayed silent and perhaps he have to approach this minor bump with a bolder take of action.

You glanced up at Heiji, just for a moment—already expecting an expression of disgust, but were met with nothing of the sorts—a soft smile gracing his lips and your poor heart soared at such sight.

Heiji leaned down, ever so slowly coming near and nearer towards your face, till his lips collided with yours—his hands coming up to hold your head, stabilising—and closing the proximity between the two of you.

Eyes fluttering shut, lips moving along the motions and butterflies—no, fireworks sparkling in your stomach and your heart burned like a flame.

Once the kiss had ended, Heiji pecked your lips once more before moving away—the both of you looked at one another.

»[Name]. There's no need to feel insecure or ashamed of yer scars. Ya might not believe me, but there ain' a thought crossing my mind of me finding ya ugly. I could never stop lovin' ya and if I ever shoulda do, a lightning shoulda strike me into deaths arms! And ya know why?«

».....why?«

»Because, silly, I love ya for who ya are and not for how yer look. Simply as ever isn't it? I love ya and only ya.«

Heiji had engulfed you into a hug, pulling you close and let himself falling down to the spacey side of the bed, bringing you along—the both of you forgetting momentarily your cramping legs.

You wanted to laugh, hiding your face in the crook of Heiji's neck, that's a similar thing what you have once told him—when he had asked you, why you never got mad at him for mostly standing you up on dates and choosing crime solving over you.

»How 'bout we both take a nice hot bath together and then I'll massages ya legs till these nasty cramps are gone, does that sounds good?«

»Yeah, that sounds about nice,«

~~~

When Heiji awoke in the middle of the night—the TV, which played now some sappy love dramas on the channel instead of the movies they watched before, being the only light source—the first thing he did was to check on you.

Knowing that you're well and next to him—safe in his arms, where he could hold you close and not fearing you might would vanish forever into nothing—gives him a feeling of relief and happiness, builds him up with confidence and strength to not give up so easily whenever he felt like he wasn't enough.

You had your own load of insecurities and so does Heiji—because sometimes he felt as he wasn't a good enough boyfriend for you, that you deserved way better, that's he nothing but a failure who couldn't even keep his vows to never let you get hurt—but your sole love and how much faith you had in him was enough.

Oh baby I can't stop my love for you,

because this heart belongs to you and only you

#male reader #x male reader #anime #fanfiction #manga #malereader #xmalereader #case closed #fluff #detective conan/case closed #detective conan #dcmk #heiji hattori x male reader #heiji hattori #heiji x male reader

15 notes · View notes

saerins · 9 months ago

Note

my head has hundreds of brainrots for multi aus…might drop some if you are interested or anyone because sharing Sae is caring baes😋😍💗💖

anyways imma drop another ( royal au where Sae is a prince and Yn is a princess hehe )

they are walking around the garden at night when the moon is glistening its light down upon them. Yn’s feet ache from wearing the heels for too long, having to bear the pain of attending the ball in the most outstanding way to please all of the aristocrats’ criteria for a noble princess. Sae noticed the way Yn walked unstable, his hands started to hold Yn gently.

“are your feet hurt, Yn?” Sae asked, wanting to say more but decided not to for now, hiding his worries for her.

Yn look at Sae with a surprise reaction before smiling.

“it kind of aches to be honest…but you don’t have to worry about it, Sae. it was worth it to have a really luxurious yet fun ball after all”. Yn chuckles, noting Sae’s worry face for her. it’s definitely cute if observed carefully and it was a rare opportunity to see Sae’s soft side too.( i want to hold Sae’s face at this scene so much😭 )

hearing this, Sae leads Yn to a nearby bench, letting her sit ( in confusion ) before kneeling down with one leg, his hand taking off the heels and rubbing the aching spot.( he definitely tsk-ed when he sees how red it was hear me out pls he’s so in love with Yn )

"you don't have to do that, Sae..." Yn said, her heart beating faster than the previous moment. Yn knew that so many thoughts must be racing through her mind, and yet she couldn't pinpoint any one of them.

“i want to,” he turned around, facing his back towards Yn with his hands ready.

“you want me to hop on your back?” Yn questioned, noting Sae’s small blush when he nodded, her stomach fuzzy.

“listen to me and don't reject my request…please” he muttered the last word, however, it was still heard by Yn. cute, she thought. Yn happily obliged as Sae piggybacks her while holding her heels.

the rest of the road trip, Yn teased Sae about what a gentleman he was and how nice their shared dance was. Sae did miss her present after he was done escorting Yn back to her room, his mind replaying how breathtaking Yn was at the party. He sighed, quickly going back to his room with a small smile. he guessed he had to deal with the craving for her by tomorrow as soon as possible, like a craving for ethereal dreams.

p/s: i’m bad at writing, that’s it lol. here’s your daily virtual hug Aeri 🫂, hope you have a great day and maybe a better workplace environment. remember to sleep as well, get energized >:O.

this isn’t bad at all wdym !! if anything it’s giving me a royal au brainrot 😭 it’s got me imagining a stone cold royal sae being harsh towards yn as one of his prospective brides because that’s just the reality they live in, only for him to soften up after he gets to know her sobs :( thanks for this i reread this multiple times now because it’s so cute :(((

#mail : raphsimp !

3 notes · View notes

rodolfoparras · 7 months ago

Note

First of all, Happy Pride Month 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 there's nothing I can do to celebrate it irl without being hate crimed so I gotta live vicariously through people who can.

Someone else had chipped tooth but I did mention how I managed to accidentally knock my tooth out around the same time 😭 haven't eaten Smarties since.

Also yeah elusive Balkan promaja/promaha and its ability to cause all sorts of aches and pains (apparently) truly is laughable so I can't blame the doctor idk.

I'm glad your new meds dosage is working well for you! I would love to get back on meds but the idea of actually talking with psychiatrist makes me wanna vomit. It took me so so long to open up before and idk do I have it in me to do it again. And on unrelated note, my family is traveling back (they just left) and I'm so so sad :(( imma miss my baby brother so much. I'll get to see them in August again but man does it feel like forever

-🔮

Happy pride month sugar bee!!! And I’m really sorry to hear that you aren’t able to celebrate properly but I do hope you get to enjoy this month in other ways and just rmr even though you aren’t at the parade or at a certain event, those things are being organized for you, for ppl who can’t be open and free!!🫶🏻

Lord I can only imagine! I got the stomach bug from tacos and didn’t eat it for years if a candy or food knocked my teeth out I wouldn’t be eating it again in this life time

But tbh now that I sleep with a fan and windows open I am starting to wonder if they had a point because sometimes my head hurts and I’m like this is it I knew dad was right and then I do the same thing again later 😭

That is understandable! Opening up to someone is taxing especially when you have to do it regularly every week! But is there a way where you can just get the meds and not talk to a psychiatrist because here that is an option! Aaah I’m sorry to hear that sugar bee :( I hope these two months pass fast so you can see him!!

#alec answers #🔮 anon

2 notes · View notes

lala1267 · 2 years ago

Text

Chocolate and Vanilla (Part 3)

Summary: Claudia's revenge (black reader)

Warnings: racism, slurs, fighting, Claudia basically going insane, reader is belittled, mentions of murder/death, some sexual things (only goes as far as jerking off, its not a smut)

Not proof read btw.

I woke up in a lavish bed, it felt like I was in the clouds, it was cosy and warm. I stopped to realise that this was not my bed, it wasn't even my room, where was I? I observed the luxurious room, red carpet, princess style bed, royal vanity, and even a couch and television. I could never afford this even with my life savings, I had spent my childhood in the poor area of Jamaica and the shacks of memphis. I was working two part time jobs and was going to school just to feed me and my drunk mother who I assumed was now behind steel bars. This wasn't my room. This wasn't my house. I attempted to get up and out of the bed but I could barely move, my body was aching all over from the beating I had suffered last night from my mother. I decided to stay in the bed until I has gained strength to get out. The 'strength' that I was expecting never came. I started to worry,I had no idea where I was or who else was in this house. Heavy footsteps sounded in the hallway towards the bedroom door. They grew louder each step until the golden door know twisted as a tall, dark-haired, handsome man walked in. It was Elvis. When you saw him you were confused as to why he brought you here but a sense of comfort raised as you looked into his baby blue eyes. He sat on the edge of the royal, he lifted his hand to move some hair out of my face. I had to know where I was and why I was here, "Elvis where am I, where is my mamma?"

Elvis looked at my with a apologetic look, "oh dear, let's not talk about your mother, let's just say that she is getting what she deserves"

"Of this is about her hurting me she didn't mean it I promise, please can I see her"

"No, she is a dangerous woman. Anyway how was your sleep?"

"Good, until I woke up and found out that I was in a random castle" Elvis giggled before responding.

"Honey, it's not a castle, it's my house"

I was in shock when he said that, the boy that grew up in the poorest area of Memphis, yeah no way I was believing that.

"Don't lie Elvis, this ain't your house, not the boy that grew up in the shacks house."

Elvis looked confused

"What do you mean, it is my house"

"Oh no it ain't, you probably work at the diner like me."

Elvis slowly realise that I didn't know who he was on the TV.

"Honey, I'm a famous singer, everyone knows me, that why I can buy this house and many more if I wanted to"

"But I ain't never heard of ya"

"Oh really, well look at this then"

He got up and walked over the TV, he fiddled with the buttons before a clip of him singing and dancing like a mad man on a stage in front of thousands of people appeared. My jaw dropped, I was in shock buy I was also proud of how far he came and made a name for himself.

"Elvis I never knew you could sing and dance, I'm so proud of you" Elvis let out an awkward giggle before he replied.

"How have you never heard of me, even people from other countries know who I am"

"Well I could never afford a TV and I still can't, I'm not really into newspapers either."

His face dimmed.

" I will get a hundred TV's just for you my dear" I giggled before looking down at my body, I was wearing a silk night gown that must have costed a fortune.

"Elvis, I can't pay you back for this night gown, I can't even afford a dress that made from table clothes ,never mind a SILK night gown!"

"Honey, you don't have to pay for anything, I just wanna look after you"

I nervously smiled before he picked me up bridal style and took me to a luxurious bathroom, it had the biggest bathtub I had ever seen. He sat me on the edge of the bathtub.

"Elvis what are you doing" I said as I tilted my head and gave him puppy eyes.

"Imma give ya a nice warm bath, now lift ya arms up honey."

I hesitated but complied. He took my silk dress of and tosse it on the marble floor. I was now naked in front of a man that was 7 years older than me. I felt uncomfortable but I knew he was just trying to help me after what happened last night with my mother. He quickly looked at my bare breasts thinking that I wouldn't notice. I quickly crossed my arms other them, Elvis now knew that I had caught him peeking, he went a light shade of red.

"Get in the bath honey" the bath was already filled with bubbles and smelt like cotton candy. I didn't hesitate to step in. My body and into the world of bubbles and soap. I dipped my long curls in the water to then fully submerge my head under the water. I lifted my top half of my body out of the water, breath wet and bubbly right in front of Elvis. My head was soaked since I had dunked myself under the water, I giggled at my sillyness. Elvis giggled with me. "What did ya do that for honey"

"I've just never been in a bathtub this big in my life"

Elvis admired my bare body, he looked my up and down.

I didn't notice, but even if I did I wouldn't really care since I didn't have a dirty mind.

" you get yourself washed up and I will be in the room" he said before he got up and handed me a loofah and a soap bar. I nodded as I watched him leave the room, the door was halfway open. Elvis wasn't a perv but he was a smart man, he knew what he was doing. A large mirror faced the halfway opened door that had a perfect view of me. The bed was opposite the mirror but pushed aside to make way for the door. Elvis sat in the bed and stared me down through the mirror. I had no idea of this. I stood up, my naked body all wet and bubbly, I took the loofah and started to scrub my body gently, when I reached my breasts I heard muffled moans coming from the room that Elvis was in. I ignored it at first when I heard the same moans again as I reached my lower body,I washed and scrubed around my vagina making sure it was clean. I got worried, mabye Elvis hurt himself, that was probably why he was making these sounds. I rushed to get out of the bath, I wrapped a towel around my still soaking body, it barely covered my ass. I followed the sound of the moans, only to be met with Elvis in the bed, hand moving up and down under the sheets. I was so confused. "Elvis are you hurt, why are you making those sounds , and what are you doing" I said. Elvis quickly whipped his head to turn to me, his face turned a dark shade of red before another voice followed mine.

"Yeah Elvis, what the fuck are you doing!" Claudia yelled with her fists turning white from how tight she was clenching it. Elvis turned to Claudia, he instantly got up and out of the bed, pants unbuttoned. "Sweety I can explain!"

"There is no need to explain, I know exactly what you were doing and who you were looking at in the process!"

Elvis turned to me who was still confused as fuck. Elvis let out a relieved sigh as he realised that I didn't have a clue what he was doing under those sheets. He whipped his head straight back to Claudia as she screamed, "I expect a new designer dress by today if you want me to forgive you!"

You could tell she was just using him for his money. Claudia gave you a cold death stare before storming off downstairs. I was just in the middle of all of this and I didn't know what was going on. I tapped Elvis on the shoulder before speaking, "Elvis why is she so mad, did I do something?" I said with my poor puppy eyes the were tearing up from being overwhelmed. Evis took me into a deep hug before letting go and saying, "It's not your fault, I've just that me and Claudia have arguments sometimes" I nodded in agreement before Elvis escorted me to the closet. He opened the grand closet to reveal the most perfect dresses I could have ever dreamed of. My jaw was on the floor. Elvis giggled at my reaction. He stepped forward, he was now right behind me, I could feel his unbuttoned pants on my ass. He leaned over my back and pointed to the dresses before saying "pick anything my dear" I turned around to gaze intensely into his eyes, my breasts were touching his chest. "Elvis, why ate you doing all of this for me" he looked confused before answering, "Well I care about you and I always have, even though we never really talked, I still care about you, I know what you've been through, I heard everything those nights where your mother would hurt you, I knew." I had to take a moment to process his words. I just nodded and turned back around to pick I dress. I bent over to reach a dress, my ass pushed against his cock that was now getting hard. I didn't know this of course. I stood straight again and lifted a pretty dress in the air to show Elvis. It was pastel yellow with little pink flowered on, I had also picked up a pair of white thigh high dolly socks. I stepped way from elvis before walking past him to the bathroom to try the cloths on. I walked out of the bathroom and watched Elvis practically drule over me. The yellow dress hugged my premature hourglass figure, the socks squeezed my slightly chubby thighs, my hips where wide and my ass was perfect, my breasts were small but not to small. Due to my age my body still looked a bit child-like and I still haven't lost some of the baby chub on my tights. I wasn't chubby but I wasn't entirely skinny like all of the other white girls my age. I stood un the bathroom doorway running towards Elvis and jumping in his arms. I squealed, and giggled happily before thanking him, "oh thankyou Elvis, I've never worn a dress before, I love it!" Elvis looked into my eyes before responding, "Anything for you honey" he smiled before placing a kiss on my forhead, it took me by surprise but I can't say that I didn't like it. I jumped out of his arms, giving him doe eyes before asking, "Elvis I'm hungry, do you have any food in this house?" Elvis replied, "Yeah of course I do honey, I will get Claudia to make you some nuttella waffles" I thanked him before happily skipping downstairs whilst my long, messy, curly hair bounced on my back. Elvis looked at me with a shimmer in his eyes.

I wasn't to fond of Claudia due to her actions to me recently. But u just sucked it up before I was about to walk into the large kitchen when I saw two women. Of course the blonde, two faced one was Claudia but another block haired woman sat next to her on the dining table. She had dark eyes that looked like a void, pale skin, and she looked intimidating, but she was also drop dead gorgeous, her long back has perfectly moulded around her face, her dress a pale pink and her face like a model. I secretly listened to their conversation, tears fell down my red cheeks as I heard the words that were coming out of there mouths.

"Yeah and he had the audacity to bring home a negro! He said it was because he wanted to 'help her' but then I walked I on him jacking off to the black bitch!

"Oh my goodness really! If I were you I would do something about her, get rid of the bitch, for good"

"I know but how would I get rid of her?"

"Drive her out and do the job for her, nock her out and dump her in the middle of no where"

"Good idea, I might drive her out tomorrow and then she will be gone for good, my man will never see the bitch again."

"Haha, her hair is so raggedy aswell, she needs to straighten it."

They both laughed and where unaware that I has heard their whole conversation. My breath quickened and tears ran down my face, I ran into the back garden, I went to the horses hoping to distract myself. The horses brought back memories from when I was a kid, I used to sneak out of my house with Lana to go to the fields and ride the horses, we had been chased by the crazy farmer everytime he saw us on his field, but that didn't stop us. When I stroked Elvis's horses, I couldn't help but step into the field that they were in. I carefully mounted the tallest one with ease since I had done it many times before. I had already gotten my socks muddy since i didn't have any shoes on, i just simply didn't care. I wasn't anywhere near 'ladylike' I was the complete opposite, I was always playing with dirty animals, swimming in random lakes, clothes always dirty from playing to much, I didn't wear any make up, my big curly hair always looked like an elegant lion's mane , I ran around bare foot, I ate a lot, I was athletic, I was tall, and I lived life freely. After I mounted the horse, I tapped it with the side of my foot. The horse ran around the large field at full speed, and I had completely forgotten about what Claudia and her friend were talking about. I was having a blast, the wind pushed my long curls back, the dress was now dirty and had horse hairs all over, and my socks were muddy. As I slowed the horse down, I saw Elvis standing behind the field gate with a smile across his face. I rode the horse towards him before dismounting the horse. I was quick to plead to him, "Elvis I'm so sorry that I ruined my clothes and I should have asked to go on the horse, I'm sorry!" Elvis giggled, "Honey it's alright, I'm really impressed with you"

"What do you mean"

"I ain't never seen a girl as courageous as you, and I definitely ain't seen a girl that knows how to ride a horse like you do, I dont even think I can go that fast"

"Oh thankyou, I wasn't brought up to be a lady haha" I said while itching the back of my head awkwardly. Elvis had an idea, "hey let's go on my motorbike I wanna drive you around" I looked confused before replying, "I know how to ride a motorbike Elvis, I'm not that dumb"

"Oh, well I guess I will give you your own to ride" I jumped up and clapped excitedly.

I sat on the leaver seat of the motor bike, without thinking I sped of without a helmet, I turned around to see Elvis following me with a worried look on his face, he sped up his motorbike to be right next to mine before saying, "Hey ya can't ride without a helmet, you might hurt yourself!"

"Don't be silly Elvis, I don't give a damn about no health and safety!" I said while giggling.

"Ok then honey!"

I wanted to show of to Elvis, I shouted over to him, "Hey Elvis watch this!" Elvis looked confused. I slowly stood up on the motorbike whilst it was going full speed on the private road, when I was fully standing with my bare feet on the leather seat, I began doing cute dance moves to show of even more. I turned to look at Elvis who was in shock, he shouted over to me, "Be careful honey, shit!" I laughed at how worried he was before sitting myself back down. When we got back to Graceland it was the evening and the horses were in their stables. Me and Elvis arrived, I parked the motorbike and turned it off as elvis did the same. Elvis said to me, "Don't ever scare me like that when you stood up on the damn thing" he said whilst giggling. I responded, "Death is scared of me, not the other way round, and I live how I wanna live, I don't care about health and safety" I said whilstI giggled with Elvis. We headed inside Graceland. I went to the bedroom that I now claimed as mine, I quickly stripped of my dirty clothes leaving them on the red carpet. I jumped in the bed and quickly fell asleep.

The next morning I had woken up and Elvis was nowhere to be seen, I had just assumed that he was probably out buying Claudia all of her needs as usual. I was still in nightgown when Claudia suddenly stood in front of me with a wide grin on her face.

"Heyyyy Aria, I want you to come with me on a road trip, just me, you, and Carmella, my best friend." I didn't even have time to respond before she nudged me back into my room, urging me to get dressed. I had picked out some short shorts and a crop top. I put it on and I lastly put on my old cheap shoes. But then fear rushed through my body when I remembered what Claudia and her friend Carmella were talking about yesterday. My only thought was to call Lana. I ran to the telephone whilst I forcefully dialled Lana's number, she didn't pick up, it was sent straight to voice mail. I left a voice mail, "Lana please help me, its a long story but Elvis's girlfriend is gonna kill me, she is planing to take me out on a 'road trip' her freind is coming too, they will kill me I'm telling ya, whenever you get this call Elvis presley, his number is **************, please just hurry I don't have time!" I put the telephone down after I sent the voice mail. I had to compose myself, I wiped my tears and headed downstairs where I was met with Clauidia and Carmella. They both giggled when they saw me in my poor clothes. I couldn't say no to them because they would have just killed me in the house instead of on the 'road trip'.

We where almost there, my heart was pumping like the speed of light, a teardrop fell down my cheek wich Carmella seemed to notice, they both giggled at my powerless self. Suddenly the car came to a stop. The girls both got out before opening the door and dragging me out, pushing me onto the sandy ground, I observed my surroundings. It looked like I was in a dessert but I could still see the large buildings in the distance. I was crying and screaming, the girls just pulled me up off the ground and began to beat me black and blue. I had just accepted that this was the moment that I was going to die, they will either leave me here to die or the will beat me to death. My vision was going blurry, the world around me was spinning, and I could just hear the girls that were towering over my almost lifeless body, they were yelling a bunch of slurs at me, pulling my hair, kicking me, cat fighting. I didn't even realise the blue lights that flashed behind the two girls. The girls suddenly stopped attacking me when a lot of tall men in a blue uniform cuffed them and shoved them in the back of the cars. I could barely make out what was happening, I felt people lift me and put me into a hospital van, the last two faces I saw that day were Lana's and Elvis's infuriated faces.

I woke up in an all white room and I could hear beeping noses all around, I was in so much pain and agony. I got the strength to open my eyes and look at my body, I was in a hospital dress that the patients usually wore, I had a cast on my leg and arm, there was a rather large machine next to me that was taking some blood out of the vein in my arm. I looked up and around the room to see Lana and Elvis looking down at me with tears in their eyes. I instantly began to cry, I quietly said Lana's name, she heard it and leaned over to me to hug me tight, she pulled away and placed a kiss on my swollen cheek whilst pushing my curls away from my face. She began to frantically apologise, "Oh Aria, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, I hadn't been with you recently since I had gotten a new job, I'm so sorry, this should have never have happened, just wait till I get my hands on those bitches!" She sobbed as her teardrops fell onto my collar bone. I nodded at her when I realised Elvis was there to, he hugged me tight and did his own little speech as well.

It would be a long time for me to fully heal, but what would happen after is unknown.

To be continued...

#elvis presley #elvis the pelvis #young elvis #fanfic #lana del rey #1960s #decade: 1950s #black reader #mixed girls

19 notes · View notes

sl1tcl1t · 1 year ago

Text

Life Update: Idk where else to write down my thoughts and experiences for almost the past year.

To get myself caught up with the last post I made from last year, it was my final year in HS and I never wanted to leave that rancid hél/hø\e so damn bad. I finally graduated and got into college. This freshman year is the absolute worst. On top of that, I couldn't get a dorm room, which is expected according to the hierarchy of classmen. But anyway, this year's schedule has been extraordinarily harmful to my physical and mentally. Since I don't have a dorm, I gotta commute to my classes every single day. In my case, I must drive all the way from the south to the city (1hr 30min on avg.) This is not a bad drive, unless u wanna beat the I-75/I-85 9 - 5 traffic. Which ALSO MEANS I gotta wake up at 4:00 am and leave the house by 5 if I want to arrive in time for my 8 and 10 am classes. Additionally, my last class during Mon,Weds, and Fri ends at 5pm. I don't get home till about 7. AND on top of all that, Tue and Thurs is when I work my part time shift. The latest my shift can end is at 7:30pm and it takes me at least 30 mins to get home. If I want to get the most sleep possible, I gotta be in bed by 9. My sleep schedule bc of this is incredibly fùçk3d up. Luckily, me and my friend made a little room for me to sleep in my car. Which is also another problem. Bc Im too damn sleep deprived, I oversleep multiple times and end up missing classes. Classes where I can't easily get a PowerPoint w/readily available info to write. I feel incredibly behind.

My mental and physical health has gotten progressively worse since I moved outta my mom's house. I really don't wanna get into grave detail abt my family, but TLDR; both parents are complexly problematic, but one's more flexible than the other. But, Jesus Christ Almighty, living with this man is insufferable. Nothing but complaining, guiltripping, nonchalant shaming, and being plain irritating. He brings a wave of negative energy anytime he enters a room. Granted, there are things that he complains about that are justified, but he's getting more and more senile everyday. So he just gets mad at anything now. It pisses me off but also makes me sad. Another thing is that work is overexerting my well-being whilst giving me such a low pay. For context, I work in a warehouse now. Lifting boxes every other day that are half the size of you will give you nausea. My feet have blisters and my hands are cramping. My calves burn, my entire arm is aching, and my head pounds harder than ever. My friend suggests that I might have burn out, and I believe it with every bone in my body. Working at a place that accepts newly hs grads, ofc there would be å$5h0lés my age and worse. The smell has gotten worse since I moved in w dad. He essentially lives in a white trash neighborhood, so the smell outside is horrendous. This smell has affected the inside of my house and now I reek. And the ppl at work love to remind me abt my smelly ass despite trying my hardest to mask it. I seriously cannot stand other day in there and hopefully I can get a new job this upcoming summer.

But apart from all this, the cherry on top of this shit show was today after work. I got off early and wanted to visit this little gravesite around in my area to take pics and upload on here. I chickened out. It's too damn dark for me to take any so I walked around, contemplating life per usual. I decided to go inside the convenience store. I asked if there were any sleeping pills/melatonin and the guy had asked a question that made my mind go blank,

"Are you homeless?"

Never in life would I hear those words issued to me, but if I'm gonna be completely honest, I live at my dad's house, not paying any bills or insurance (yet), I sleep in my car majority of the day, and I have the worst pay to labor ratio. So technically, Imma borderline broke ass freeloading bum. But anyway, I was even more in shock when he rang my items. I forgot my wallet in the car and told him I was going to run out n grab it, but he just gave me the bag with an empathetic, "it's okay". And now I feel like a piece of shit to completion. Bc in hindsight, Im not HOMELESS, but it damn sure feels like I am.

I can't believe Im turning into every person I've met in the workforce. Ppl who just live paycheck to paycheck and just let the days past by; not doing anything but working. I use to make fun of those ppl at my last job as a cashier while in HS, but seriously, I got the realest reality check of my life. I really cannot live a life like that for 30+ years if I can't figure something out by graduation. Else I'm better off with maggots in my eyes and my skin wilting in the ground.

I'm done ranting, I need some sleep.... GN and happy Halloween ✌🏽

#personal vent #vent #rant #vent post #tw vent #anxiété #ranting #quick life update #life update #real life #this is me #i got nowhere else to put this so i'll keep it here #this is real #this is rough #this is reality #thus is life #revelation

2 notes · View notes

diaryofanemotionalblackgirl · 10 months ago

Text

Ghosted??

3.20.24

I’m not sure what this is. I’m not sure if this will ever see the eyes of others. But if it does, this is real, I’m real, and they are real too. The purpose of this is to create an outlet for me and all my emotions. I have a condition, a condition where my emotions are so intense, I don’t think I can ever control them. Do I have emotional control? Yes, but this condition is so rare and real, I’m researching it now because there is no way I can go another year living like this.

Here’s a story for you though: about how my feelings got hurt, once again. This time it’s okay. I think. Years ago I worked at Walmart, I had a crush on a maintenance associate. I told a friend and he hooked us up. I fell for him in that short amount of time. I was a virgin then, he ate the best pussy so far in my life. Still till this very day I think he’s my #1 head giver.

Anyways. This was years ago. We broke up, we were young. End of Story. Fast forward to today, I’m 27. He’s 29, we hit it off again. The same feelings, the same familiarity, the same feeling of home resurfaces and I’m reminded of how badly I wanted things to work all those years ago. It feels safer this time, it feels unreal, and it feels like end game. We argue but we communicate. We’re honest or so I hope we were. Then he ignores me. The one thing I hate. The one fear I have, he does to me. The night his location is cut off and the conversation goes as so;

7:33pm

Baby why your location off

7:34pm

7:36pm

Um ok

Him

7:40pm

I’m on the toilet

My Lo not off

7:40pm

It just was….

I’m turning back over

8:11pm

y is u being super weird

I’m is like real confused rn

8:18pm

Imma just talk to you another time.

You been weird since you woke up

and you not finna ruin my birthday.

So whatever you got going on good fuckin luck

8:46pm

lol.

8:47pm

Sinceeeeeee when am I not

In your favorites

you……..lol

if you gone cut your location off then just unshare it

8:48pm

You just pissed me the fuck off

Him

10:52pm

Before we cast judgement. His location was off and I sent a screenshot of it being off. I once was in his favorites but when I called, straight to voicemail. No his phone was not dead because my messages delivered. I thought that maybe he was sleep and I was over thinking it. I went with that I didn’t assume it was another woman I was assuming that he was being distant and pulling away from me.

Now, maybe I could’ve handled things a little better. Maybe I don’t have control over my emotions. But the ache in my heart and the numbness in my hands let me know that this familiar feeling of being ghosted was occurring once again. So why am I writing about it because I need to release, I’m sad. I’m hurt. I’m not embarrassed and this time I’m prepared. The harsh reality is that my birthday is in days and I got dumped once again…

Nobody prepares you for dating in your 20s and nobody prepares you for when your knocking on thirty and haven’t met a single candidate that fits your criteria. But honestly I’m not ready to be a wife. I’m a kid myself, I haven’t matured. It’s a blessing in disguise he ghosted me.

Now reality is; if he comes back and whispers sweet nothings, I will melt.

But I must trust in God. I trust in God. This was unexpected but according to God he expected it. His plan for me is bigger than anything I can imagine. So why am I here?

This is merely an outlet. It may never reach a humans eyes, who knows.

I am a 27 year old virgin whose love life is a shit show. Whose life is a shit show, but I am grateful because it could be worse, I could be unintelligible. Instead I know better, I’m gaining control and I’m happy despite this obstacle. I’m happy I get to experience this and I am disappointed it ended so soon. I’ll miss him. I loved him, I will always have a love for him as I do any man who has ever had me vulnerable enough to be me.

But maybe it is time to self-reflect, but I’m strong willed. I’ll allow myself 24 hours. To cleanse, to think, to release him. I’ll hope, I’ll wish and think that maybe he will contact me again. He won’t. So I hope you look back at this specific part, this piece right here because He absolutely won’t. And that is ok.

And maybe there needs to be some accountability on my part. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I pushed him away. This is a safe space.

Anonymously L.A

1 note · View note

themarcusmoreno · 2 years ago

Text

First, ma’am, I am suing you for emotional damage and you will be hearing from my lawyers 😭 Second, this chapter was so beautifully written - the pain, the yearning and just the sheer adrenaline of waiting for the next shoe to drop was so well done. You continue to world an incredible world and give the characters such depth, I am so excited to see what comes next (or who comes next 😉😏). I, like always, have some quotes saved that I have thoughts about. Not all the thoughts are cohesive but they’re thoughts and Imma share them nonetheless.

Nothing that would confirm his actions, but still something to tell him…thanks for having my back as we walk through hell. If the look in his eyes was anything to go off of—he understood entirely. You got used to him complaining about eating as you walked, explaining that the scent could attract anything, but today the complaints were nowhere to be found. || I love that there’s just these small acts of that’s re starting to happen between that are confirmation of what the other may be feeling without them having to say it. Those small acts of service.

You didn’t hear him call your name, nor did you hear the word Boston he affectionately used to tease you. || How could you make me soft like this. I can picture that slight smile and the soft drawl of his name perfectly.

He felt his chest tighten; a feeling he tended to push away whenever it came to you, but today it was different. Even though you refused to tell him, he knew that you weren’t sleeping; saw it in the worn down expression painted on your face like a damn mask. You were trying to keep him from noticing, from asking you what was wrong and as he looked at you, he understood. He could truly lose you if he didn’t find a way to get you to sleep, to push back against the nightmares he knew plagued you each night. || NOT WORRYING JOEL, this made my heart ache in the best of ways. He’s so worried about Boston getting sleep so he doesn’t lose her. He wants so badly to hide his feelings, pretend he doesn’t have pieces of humanity left but he does and I just *muffled crying*

Surely a way to get yourself killed, or something even worse, but with him the trust came easy. As if you’d known him since you were young and you were meeting again, this time as old friends. Simply two people that were always meant to cross paths; their fate written in the broken road they walked along. || I loved this whole quote but the part I bolded just seemed so poetic to me. Just two broken people finding each other in a now broken world and somehow coming together.

He told himself that getting close to people only made the grief of losing them worse. That to lower the shield protecting him, meant enduring yet another wave of loneliness—forced to face the hollowness that seeped slowly into his bones. The man that he used to be died long before he met you, but every now and then he could see the man who he used to be, return. In his own way, he cared for you. Yet it was a truth he couldn’t admit to himself, because everyone leaves in the end. || PAIN. The good kind of pain where I hurt but felt good about it. Joel, whether he wants to admit it or not, wants to feel the feeling of being alive that caring for Boston is bringing out. He can admit it may end up hurting in the end, but he wants to keep her safe. HOWEVER, that last line made me weep.

Death wouldn’t escape the path Joel was walking along, and he hated that you were right there beside him. Heading directly towards it yourself. || I have been wounded. I am hurt and I hate how accurate this is.

“You gotta keep going.” Unconsciously, his thumb ran along the top of your cheek, the calloused finger clashing with the softness of your skin. You were opposites, yet still somehow remained two halves of a broken whole. “You hear me?” || THE WAY I AM ACHING WITH YEARNING, that unconscious cheek stroke went straight to my heart. Joel care for her, more than he can find himself admitting and I just - *more muffled crying*

You didn’t see it, but he grinned. It was barely there. Just a fleeting look as you headed towards his original spot, but it confirmed everything Joel was afraid of. He couldn’t lose you. He wouldn’t. And that sent a streak of fear through his heart, his eyes still watching you slowly make your way down the street. Joel knew what he was capable of—understood his limits and how far they stretched. Only with you…none of that existed anymore. || I just loved this. The way Joel realizes what Boston means to him and that he what he’s willing to do keep her with him, keep her safe and I AM YEARNING.

You were two fragmented people destroyed by the aftermath of a ruined world. What a story you would make for anyone still alive to read it. || I AM HERE, I am reading it and my heart is aching at how tragically beautiful it is.

His to protect. || *muffled crying continues*

The sorrow in your eyes did him in; shot him right in the heart and before he could stop himself, he was relenting to your request. With a sigh of his own, he dropped the gun, keeping his head turned towards you—molten brown eyes locked on yours until it was you who broke away. He heard you begin to make a list of requirements they had to follow, things that you knew would keep Joel comfortable with the situation. And for that he felt grateful. || I think it’s reflective of how Boston feels for Joel that she immediately made a list that would keep him comfortable. She’s learning him and it shows in those small actions. I feel like the look they shared was worth more than words ever could.

The early morning light practically caused you to glow the longer you stood near the open doorway, and Joel found himself unable to tear his eyes away. He felt the old familiar sensation of warmth pool in his stomach, his body aching for your touch. For you to come closer. || Oh, boy. Oh, man. Joel wanting nothing more than to just touch Boston is just top tier yearning. I love that he’s finding beauty in a world of ruin, and that beauty is her.

It killed him to know that you were clueless as to how much he wanted to stay here and talk with you. All you two have ever done the past few weeks is talk, but Joel found the sound of your voice soothing. He wanted to fall asleep to it at night, to hear it first thing in the morning. That thought alone continued to strike him with a fear so potent he could practically taste it on his tongue. || THE YEARNING. Joel is practically aching to just be as close to Boston, just to hear her voice. This is too much yearning and want, I need more immediately.

There were very few things that turned him on to the point of feeling borderline desperate, but that sight did it. Just the sheer knowledge that you were strong enough to save not only yourself, but him as well killed him on the inside, because he knew he could never have you. || Oh, Joel. You want so much but you keep everything at a distance for fear of getting hurt, for fear of losing someone else. *muffled crying continues*

You liked to see him as a partner. A man who would have your back in the midst of battle, but you never ventured further than that. Too afraid of what you’d find buried in the depths of your heart. Two definitions came with that one single word—a label not even Joel had admitted to yet—and you were terrified to find out which one the both of you landed in. || NOW BOSTON IS YEARNING TOO? Please, my heart. Just two broken people wanting some sort of happiness in a world that’s taken too much from them.

Something hot flared in your chest and shoved its way forward as you heard the bullet in her gun slide into the chamber. You knew Joel could handle himself, knew he could get out of this situation, but you were too stubborn to let him get hurt along the way. The part that cared too much about him took over, finally finding something to fight for in the midst of hell. || *muffled screaming* Not Boston and Joel both being ready to fight for their partner no matter what the cost to their person.

Joel had heard those words far too many times to forget their exact meaning. You were going to tell him to go, leave you there and survive. Yet he couldn’t get your words out of his head—telling him that he wasn’t beyond saving, and in this moment…neither were you. He felt his heart stop beating, his world collapsing once more. Shaking his head, he tried to busy himself with getting you ready to move, but your hands cupping his cheeks stopped him entirely. If he could cry he would, but the tears had dried up long ago. || *loud, muffled crying* PAIN. ALL I KNOW IS PAIN AND SUFFERING. You didn’t have to go so hard on this but you did and I was in legit tears as I read it.

Joel was a man of few words until it was too late and he had no time to say everything he should have said. Leaning in, he finally indulged in the one thing the both of you ached for the most. He pressed his lips to yours, a soft brush of his warm breath fanning across your cheek as he exhaled. Kissing him felt different than you imagined. The rough chap of his lips were somehow smooth against yours and briefly you lost yourself in his touch. You imagined that his feelings, beyond friendship, existed. Yet even you knew this wasn’t real. You figured this was a goodbye. A thank you without saying the actual words, and you didn’t care if he didn’t actually mean it. Kissing him stole away the grief, it allowed you to truly forget that you were standing on death’s doorstep. || *muffled crying and screaming* We get a kiss, we finally get a kiss and it’s in such a moment of pain. I love it but PAIN.

Though you could only imagine what he went through, nearly losing you must have put him through an entirely different kind of hell. You remember his face last night. Stricken with a type of grief you would never know in your life—the type that left a person broken beyond repair. Whatever he’d been through before he came across you turned him into that man. The survivor who wasn’t truly alive. || The quote as a whole is absolutely beautiful but for Boston to recognize that Joel has been through a type of hell, a type of pain, that completely rewrote the man he was before just made my heart ache. I think she sees him more than he sees himself and I’m just very tender about it.

The rising sun began to shine through the severed windows, glinting off the edges of cracked glass, but you refused to move. After so long searching, you finally found your purpose, and you’d protect him with every broken piece of strength you had left. Until you took your last breath. || BOSTON WANTS TO PROTECT JOEL AS MUCH AS HE WANTS TO PROTECT HER. It’s too much, it’s really not but my poor heart is just *soft crying in the distance*

Mi amor, you writing is somehow more and more beautiful each time I read it. This chapter was painful in all of the best ways and I know they’ll be more to come but I know they’ll be healing in a small way too. I can’t wait to see how you develop this story more. 🖤

HURT

➝ 03. HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN

a/n: this chapter fought my brain the entire time, because apparently it didn't want to be written. i don't blame it honestly. the amount of angst i've shoved into it, really did break even my own heart. but as always angst is my bread and butter, and breaking hearts through words has always been my forte. so i give you chapter three.

summary: joel comes to a realization that terrifies him more than the horrors of a world he lives in. he can't lose you.

word count: 7.8k+

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: not explicit but still 18+, exhaustion, violence, tw blood, so much angst you better have tissues handy, the odd moment of fluff, tenderness, pain, grief, ptsd, tw death.

previous chapter | next chapter | series masterlist

You were dragging behind him, slowly making your way through the outskirts of a city. For some reason the weariness in your body felt amplified the second you open your eyes. You battled a headache and stiff muscles as you walked, trying to keep up with his long strides. But no matter how many times you jogged to get to his side, you continued to feel your energy slip right from your hands like sand.

While you refused to let him know how much of a struggle it was to keep going, you knew he could tell. Every thirty minutes he stopped without explaining why. Simply resting against whatever he could find—waiting patiently for you to catch your breath, and regain the energy you expelled getting there. In return, you thanked him with small pieces of your food and the extra water you carried in your pack.

If you didn’t know any better, you would have dared to say he was showing an unusual amount of kindness towards you. Perhaps he was trying to give you peace of mind. You didn’t bother to question it any further, too afraid that it would eventually stop.

“Should we find a place for the night?” you asked, doing your best to fight off the yawn that crept up your throat.

He didn’t respond. Which wasn’t unusual for him to do. In fact, you were so used to it that you simply took his silence as him being in agreement, and began heading towards one of the empty buildings. You didn’t hear him call your name, nor did you hear the word Boston he affectionately used to tease you. It seemed that your brain was focused on one thing—getting some rest. You feared that whatever lingered in your system was some variation of a flu or a cold; both things you couldn’t afford to endure now.

His hand gripping onto your shoulder finally stopped you from going further. The dazed look in your eyes, worse than before; a cloud of exhaustion proved that if you kept going…you wouldn’t survive. For days you’d been going nonstop. Only giving yourselves enough time to shove food into your body and continue.

Sleep started to evade you two days ago. Originally you expected it to pass. Simply another frustration you had to learn to deal with, but then the nightmares started. The pain that you knew still remained in the very core of your body—worked its way through your entire system. Much like the virus, this sensation only had one goal—spread. Until you were left with no other choice but to rest, to finally give in and allow your body time to recuperate.

“I’m sorry,” you said, looking directly at him. Except Joel could see the hollowness that reflected in your pupils. You were staring at him, but you weren’t there—not really.

“Come on,” he said, dropping his touch from your shoulder as if you burned him.

Although in your stupor, you thankfully didn’t notice.

Traipsing behind him, you tried to keep your body steady—your steps uneven. He weaved in between the rows of cars that were lined up like museum pieces; simply another reminder of what the world lost. What it once had.

He continued to pause, giving you time to catch up, before he started to veer off the highway and began walking towards the exit ramp. You wouldn’t have been able to guess where you were, the signs faded from the sunlight and covered by overgrown vines. But you trusted that Joel knew where he was going.

Originally you would have believed that putting your trust in a man you barely knew for a few weeks was stupid. Surely a way to get yourself killed, or something even worse, but with him the trust came easy. As if you’d known him since you were young and you were meeting again, this time as old friends. Simply two people that were always meant to cross paths; their fate written in the broken road they walked along.

You didn’t know if he trusted you—or if he ever would—except the slight shift in his actions recently told you otherwise. Instead of treating you like someone tagging along, yet another person he’d lose contact with eventually. He treated you like a partner—asking your opinion on choices, on routes to take and places to stay for the night.

Whether he realized it or not, Joel began to see you as a friend—someone he could depend on when things got rough—a person that he couldn’t lose.

Death wouldn’t escape the path Joel was walking along, and he hated that you were right there beside him. Heading directly towards it yourself.

“Where are we going?” you asked, the waver in your voice telling him that he had to hurry before you collapsed.

“I’ve been through here before.”

You swallowed down the impending yawn that was desperate to come out. “So you know about a safe house?”

“Somethin’ like that,” he replied, squinting against the sunlight in order to catch a clearer sight of the sign that hung above.

Although it had been a few years since he and Tommy found themselves out this far, he could recall there being an old car dealership towards the center of the small city. If he was right, they’d still have a few cars left with batteries that hopefully still worked. It was a small prospect to hold out for, but Joel’s refusal to let you keep going this way, forced him onwards.

He figured that you both might be shit out of luck by the time you got there. But he knew what you’d say to him if there was even a chance of something good happening. Keep going until the hope pays off.

“Boston?” he asked, stopping to see you leaning heavily against the broken highway railing, your eyes slipping shut and body falling forward. Joel slung the gun across his shoulder, taking large strides towards you quickly, his hands grasping onto your arms to steady you.

“‘M fine,” you mumbled, your eyes shutting involuntarily. “Just…tired.”

“Hey.” His hands cupped your face, tilting your head slowly. “Hey look at me.”

Your eyes fluttered open as far as they could, lids still drooping slightly. “I’m…I’m okay.”

For a moment, Joel felt his heart lurch in his chest as you stayed silent, your eyes falling shut again and breaths turning shallow. But the sight of your lips twisting up into a grin appeased his slight panic—reminding him that you were far too stubborn to give up now.

Leaning into touch, you released a labored breath before taking in another one immediately afterwards. You were starting to get colder to the touch; the sun going down didn’t help the temperatures in the slightest.

“I’ll try my best, Texas,” you sighed, straightening your stance to the best of your ability and pressing your face into his hand one last time.

Joel wouldn’t lose you, but what he would do to keep that from happening scared him more than it should have.

“You coming?” you called over your shoulder, beckoning him closer with a small tired smile.

He had no control over his limbs as they gravitated closer to you, his steps slowing to keep him right beside you—his hand brushing against yours every now and then. If the road wasn’t covered with overgrown weeds and vines of plants he couldn’t name, he’d say that this felt relatively normal. A man walking beside a woman, the nervous electric energy between them practically visible in the air around them.

Yet the guns strapped to both your backs and scars that littered your bodies like bleeding memories, told a different story. You were two fragmented people destroyed by the aftermath of a ruined world. What a story you would make for anyone still alive to read it.

“We’re not heading to a safe house, are we?” you asked, drawing him out of his thoughts.

Joel’s eyebrows furrowed, his hand shifting to tightly grip his pack’s strap. “We’ll be okay.”

“No need to lie to me.”

“I’m not lyin’.”

You grinned, allowing your pinky finger to nearly twine around his. “Your accent gets thicker when you lie.”

“No it doesn’t.”

Scoffing, your finger finally caught his. Joel pretended not to notice the way his heart pressed tightly to his chest.

“Whatever you say Texas.”

The sun began to slowly dip below the rows of houses and taller buildings, giving Joel a time limit as to how far you could go before calling it a night. From what he could remember, the place wasn’t too far into the smaller outskirts of the city. But if the slight shuffle of your feet told him anything, you wouldn’t make it there by tonight. Joel had half a mind to let you lean on him the rest of the way there. Except his back and body screamed at him to finally give up for the night.

He sighed, glancing at the rows of empty homes that most likely remained free of any infected. Yet his gut told him to do a sweep either way before allowing you inside. He blamed the idiotic side of his brain for letting you burrow so deep into his hollow chest.

“Wait here,” he said softly, his hand clasping over yours briefly—thumb running along your knuckles—before he pulled away.

“Got nowhere else to go,” you replied. Though your words were light, airy, you were ready to fall unconscious to the floor.

You had surpassed being able to explain how tired you were two hours ago, the sensation settling itself in your bones. The longer you walked, the louder your body begged for sleep, but every time you closed your eyes…you saw her again. The woman in the closet. You couldn’t get her out of your head even if you tried, because she was too similar. The sight, far too familiar to what you’d witnessed years ago, and before you could stop yourself…you saw your mother again.

If you wouldn’t give your body sleep, it would force you to relive that moment over and over again. Until eventually you went mad.

Sighing, you felt a shake start in the hand that clutched your gun. The rest of your body soon followed, but you held out until you spotted Joel’s figure in the broken window. His flashlight shone out onto the small pathway up to the front steps—the once neatly placed bricks now overgrown by wild grass. You hadn’t heard him scream or shout for you to run yet, telling you that the house was safe from infected and even worse, unwanted visitors.

“There’s no beds,” he said, getting to you faster than you expected him to. “But there’s a couch.”

Relief washed over you. “You think it has anything bad?”

“I checked the cushions. They’re still in good condition. Well…after being left out for ten years.”

Even through your fatigued state, you still cracked a smile when you knew he was attempting to lighten his mood. Sure, he said it in a manner that hinted at no humor whatsoever. But you’d been around him long enough to grasp his slight inflections and dry sense of humor when it came out. Even though his face remained passive, he was funnier than you expected him to be.

“Mm, careful Texas, you’re spoiling me,” you mused as you moved past him slowly.

You could have sworn you saw his face flash with an emotion you’d never seen him wear before, but you blamed it on the trick of the sunset. An orange glow of the fading sunlight caressed his face, showing you the side of him that you would never tire of looking at. Of a man who you hoped found a reason to keep surviving.

He remained close behind you, keeping his hands from reaching out to hold your arm or waist. Joel wasn’t an idiot. He knew you could handle yourself, having seen you take down several infected on your own. But the part of him he closed off, the part that died with Sarah peeked its head out again. Prompting him to be observant of the things you did, what you said, because you were his to care for.

His to protect.

“Did you get lucky with food?” you asked, before turning to see the state of the kitchen.

Havoc had been wreaked on this place long before either of you arrived. The cabinets were picked clean through, and you could see the layers of dust that had settled on the shelves. Nobody had been here in a long time, meaning you and Joel would have to forgo eating one more day until you could get back into the woods tomorrow. At least there you could hunt. There you found solace away from this reality; for a moment you were able to forget that humanity was on the brink of extinction.

“Just the couch,” he replied gruffly, his voice coming directly over your shoulder.

He stayed closer to you than usual, but knowing how unsteady your body was today, you didn’t mind it. Part of you wanted to lean back, press against the warmth you knew emanated from his body. Except the small irritating voice in the back of your mind told you to stay away. Getting close to Joel was dangerous enough as it is. Allowing yourself to fall for him was worse.

There would be no future together. No home to make with him or life to share. This was it. Nights huddled in forgotten buildings, food shared over fires that never stayed alive for too long. You would only get the chance to survive together. Anything else asked for too much, and you and Joel were out of things to give.

“This feels nice.” The words came out as a contented sigh, your eyes fluttering shut as your body finally relaxed.

The cushions were shit and the cold air was beginning to take a toll on you, but you took what little good you could get. Laying down, you felt your muscles calm slightly. It would take time for you to gain back what energy you already lost, yet you didn’t mind. For once sleep wasn’t evading you. Instead, it took you in its embrace, the soft beckoning sounds of the darkness you desperately craved welcoming you once more.

You didn’t feel Joel lay his jacket on top of you, barely felt him shift your legs to drape over his lap as he sat down. All you could comprehend was the warmth that encased you in his touch, his proximity. Your eyes shut, your mind falling silent—giving you the reprieve you needed for days.

The sharp piercing echo of a gunshot ringing in the air jolted you awake. Your eyes flew open, a sharp gasp of breath leaving you as you sat up straight. A cold sweat began to spread along your skin when you looked around the room, coming to the conclusion that you were alone. Perhaps you imagined the shot, the sound simply a dream your brain conjured up. But then you heard it. The distinct sounds of shouting, of Joel’s voice echoing in the brisk morning air.

“You take one more step, I'll shoot again!” he called, his voice spurring you to quickly shove your arms into his jacket and rush to the already open door.

He stood on the last step, his shotgun poised and dangerous in his arms, pointing directly at a man and a woman. They had their hands raised in surrender, eyes wide with the same terror that you had worn before. The same look you must have on now. Whereas Joel’s face was hard, the anger came off him in waves the longer he stood there, unwilling to budge from his stance.

“Please,” the woman stepped forward once she caught sight of you behind him. “We’re just looking for a place tonight. Some food if you’re willing to share.”

You nearly scoffed at the notion that you and Joel were better off than they were. “We can’t help you,” you replied, getting closer to Joel, your hand landing gently on his shoulder.

Neither of you noticed it, but the second your touch pressed against him, his body relaxed. The tension suddenly fading when he finally realized you were there, standing with him. He still refused to drop the shotgun, his eyes narrowed in their direction in case something happened. But with you there, he felt better about the situation, knowing that when worse came to worse…you’d have his back.

“Then a place for night,” the man said. He was smart in staying right where he stood, knowing full well that if anyone got shot first, it would be him. “We have a car. We can take you wherever you need to go in the morning.”

That gave the both of you pause, Joel’s eyes flicked to the side to quickly glance at you.

If you managed to get a ride with them, you might be able to finally reach Boston before you expected. You knew Joel wasn’t quick to trust anyone, but the prospect of not having to walk so far left both of you conflicted with the choice.

“Joel,” you said softly, moving closer to him and shifting to the side slightly. “I know you don’t want to—”

“No.”

You sighed, eyes closing briefly before they met his stone cold gaze. “They have a car Joel.”

He didn’t like how quickly you got to him, how you somehow managed to make a space for yourself in his mind—his heart. Joel waited until you led the couple inside, the rings on their fingers telling him enough. They were lucky to have made it this far together; never having to endure the pain of losing one another. He glanced at you one more time, watching as you made conversation with enough ease to surprise even him.

You fit in naturally wherever you went. He wanted to assume that after so long you liked finally finding other people to talk to. What he didn’t know was that you were doing this for him. You were learning everything you could about them to keep not just yourself safe, but Joel too.

“There’s a bedroom down the hall,” you said, pointing to the empty room with no bed. “You can take that for the night.”

“Thank you,” she replied, the relief in her voice evident. “I’m Martha by the way.”

Shaking her hand, you kept the small grin on your face for her sake more than your own. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Jimmy,” the man spoke up, nodding his head in your direction. You didn’t bother to nod back, already knowing that you’d only see these people for as long as they could help you.

Joel lingered behind you, his hands ready to reach for the gun at his side, but your presence distracted him from the couple. The early morning light practically caused you to glow the longer you stood near the open doorway, and Joel found himself unable to tear his eyes away. He felt the old familiar sensation of warmth pool in his stomach, his body aching for your touch. For you to come closer.

He fought against the feeling ever since he met you; refusing to allow himself any sort of attraction when he might lose you in the end. Except then you stayed for longer than he anticipated. Digging your way beneath his skin and reminding him what it felt like to be touched. To be wanted.

Ripping himself away from your presence, he sat on the couch, allowing you to take the lead and speak to them. He needed time to think, focus his thoughts on anything but how you might feel beneath him. Seeing you wear his jacket didn’t help his situation anymore than the damn sunlight. It seemed that no matter how much he wanted to pull away from you entirely—you pulled him closer. You gave him a small sense of hope in a world that killed whatever was in its path.

Eventually you found your way back to him, sitting beside him on the couch so close that your thighs pressed together. Joel found that he wanted to pull you even closer, his hand aching to press against your leg. To feel your warmth under his palm.

“We could go hunting.” You pulled him out of his thoughts, drawing his attention back to you. Yet he still remained in a daze, unable to completely break free of his thoughts.

He grunted in response, bringing a small smile to your lips. “It’s a long way back to the woods.” Fuck, even his voice sounded dazed.

“If they have a car it won’t take too long.”

“We need to be back before dark.”

You nodded in agreement, your hand falling to rest beside his. “I’ll bring my gun just in case.”

“You’re low on bullets.” He heard you curse under your breath. “You can use mine,” he stated, getting to his feet to stop himself from grasping onto your hand.

Stunned, you watched him walk away, heading towards the kitchen where he stowed his bag in one of the cabinets. He had placed the gun neatly on top of his extra flannel. There was a box of bullets stowed at the bottom, enough to give to you in case of something going wrong. Normally he’d try and get you to stay behind, but he trusted the world less than he trusted these strangers. Them he could take if a fight had to be won, but he couldn’t protect you if he was too far to get to you.

“We’ll be heading East,” he said, handing you the gun carefully.

As if they heard you preparing, Jimmy and Martha emerged from the room, their packs still strapped to their backs.

“I’ll drive,” Jimmy offered, his hand gripping onto the keys tightly. That one single movement showed you that Jimmy wasn’t a man entirely willing to venture out with strangers.

You didn’t blame him—still wary about the both of them yourself.

“We better get a move on,” Joel replied gruffly, taking the lead and heading towards the rundown truck that was parked in the middle of the street. He recognized the model, grumbling under his breath about what a piece of shit it was. They would be lucky if it got them to the outskirts of the woods and back before the sun began to dip below the horizon again.

The days used to move slowly, dragging on until eventually he collapsed into bed from the sheer exhaustion alone. Now they blended together. Until he could no longer tell one day from the next, forever stuck in limbo, waiting for everything to come to a final ending.

He watched you clamber into the backseat with Martha, his jacket still adorning your figure and his gun strapped to your waist. There were very few things that turned him on to the point of feeling borderline desperate, but that sight did it. Just the sheer knowledge that you were strong enough to save not only yourself, but him as well killed him on the inside, because he knew he could never have you.

You weren’t his to keep and so he continued to shove away the feelings that began to eat away at his insides. Turning him ravenous for something other than food.

“So where are you two heading?” Martha asked, turning her body towards you, drawing you into yet another conversation that Joel was quick to tune out. Instead, he focused on the roads Jimmy was taking, offering his suggestions on which path was better as they went.

Three hours of hunting left them with a measly bird Jimmy managed to shoot from a tree. Rather than bring the scent of cooked meat back to the house, they cooked it in the woods. Or rather Joel cooked it with the fire you built. While Jimmy could shoot—Joel could give him that—he claimed he had no clue about how to survive in the wild. Martha seemed to agree, saying she did most of the work.

You couldn’t place why, but their words sounded off to you. As if they were putting on a show for whoever they came across. You didn’t ponder on it too long though. Not when you were busy keeping the fire controlled to keep the meat Joel was slowly roasting, from burning to a crisp.

It was when the sun began to dip behind the trees, did you finally suggest heading back. The woods may have been safer than the house—what with it being so far from the city—but you refused to find out if that was actually true. Joel drove back, his eyes glancing at you every now and then in the rearview mirror while Jimmy talked his ear off. Yet no matter how many one worded answers Joel gave him, the man never seemed to shut up.

All you could say was that by the time the sun was gone and you were laying on the couch, Joel sitting where he’d been last night, you were glad the day ended.

“Hey,” you whispered, seeing how he practically dozed off in the time he’d been there.

He stirred awake, his brown eyes—now filled with exhaustion—meeting yours. “You okay?”

Grinning, you felt warmth spread through your body at the realization that the first thing he asked you wasn’t filled with irritation at waking him up. No, he was simply concerned that you weren’t doing okay; that something might have happened in the five minutes he had dozed off. If you weren’t filled with the sudden urge to kiss him before, you were now.

“Yeah.” You watched him settle into the cushions further—his arms draped over your legs. “I’m perfect,” you whispered, knowing he could no longer hear you.

You remained awake for a while longer, listening to his snores as he finally got some much needed rest. Once again you allowed your eyes to wander over the bones of the house that remained. You thought about the past, the future, and then…him. While you were two people who’s scars ran deeper than their emotions, you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about the domesticity of it all. Of falling asleep with him on a couch after a long day.

How he gave you his gun and jacket, never asking for either of them back even as you re-entered the house. You liked to see him as a partner. A man who would have your back in the midst of battle, but you never ventured further than that. Too afraid of what you’d find buried in the depths of your heart. Two definitions came with that one single word—a label not even Joel had admitted to yet—and you were terrified to find out which one the both of you landed in.

Too invested in your own thoughts you didn’t hear the creak of the floorboards. The shuffle of boots going unnoticed to your spent brain. You shifted, sighing with content at the position you were currently in, your body nicely wrapped in Joel’s leather jacket. Yet the peace could never last in the end. You knew that now.

Your eyes flew open when you felt the cold press of a blade against your throat, fear streaking down your spine. The darkness covered who this person was, but then you caught sight of the dark brown hair pulled into a braid that could only belong to Martha. Joel’s gun was still strapped to your waist, your hand sliding over the weapon, but her narrowed eyes caused you to freeze in place. She tightly gripped your neck, yanking you to the side—her blunt nails digging into your skin hard enough to draw blood.

“Move or he dies,” she whispered, nodding her head at Jimmy who held a gun behind Joel’s still sleeping figure.

Without fighting you slowly began to inch your way off the couch, the floorboards creaking under your boots as you stood. But Martha had clearly done this many times before. Slamming her foot into the back of your knee, you fell forward with a grunt, hands slapping against the floor and cutting against an open nail. Blood spilled onto the already dark wood, staining the color with remnants of you.

“Now here’s how it’s going to go,” she said softly, her voice empty of any emotion; her hand still gripping onto your neck.

“Let her go.” Joel’s voice calmed your nerves within seconds, the breath you’d been holding finally being let out. You didn’t have to look at him to know what his expression was. The deep echo of his tone told you enough even before your eyes met his.

Joel wanted blood, his eyes zeroing in on the knife still pressed to your throat. He knew what he was capable of, knew how dangerous he could be when it came down to it, and rarely did he like it. But the sight of you on your knees, a fear you tried so hard to hide present in your eyes, shoved aside all his remorse about killing. For the first time in a long time, he was content to rip them apart with his bare hands.

“If he moves, shoot him Jimmy.”

You shuddered, eyes fixated on him as the knife was pressed even harder against your neck. “Hey Texas,” you breathed, your eyes wide and heart beating rapidly in your chest.

“Shut up,” Martha snapped, slamming you in the temple hard enough to cause blood to trickle down your face.

Joel jolted forward, but the click of a gun forced him to stop. “Yeah Boston?” he asked softly.

Your eyes fell to your waist, the glimpse of his brown leather holster catching his attention. “You’re a pretty damn good teacher.”

He understood, snapping his attention back to the gun and forming a plan on how to get it. But in the time it took for you to let him know, Martha had figured out how exactly best to make you work in her favor. Pulling away from you entirely, she advanced on Joel, her knife now paired with the small pistol you saw her carrying earlier. You felt the anxiety begin to build up in your stomach, spreading down to the very tips of your fingers at the sight.

“Wait,” you called out, getting to your feet, only for Jimmy to grip onto the back of your neck, keeping you in place.

“Don’t fucking move,” he spit in your ear, the sensation of his hot breath against your skin felt vile.

Joel’s eyes narrowed, his hands curling into fists as Martha pressed her gun to his forehead. Thankfully Jimmy was too distracted with the bloodthirsty need that ran through his mind, to notice your hand slipping the gun out from your side. You felt his weapon press against your waist, the barrel cold against your skin.

“Aw, sweetie,” Martha cooed. “Just be glad it’s only us and not our crew. Don’t worry, we’ll make your deaths quick.”

“You’re fucking raiders,” Joel practically growled, his knuckles now white from how tightly his hands were clenched.

“Took you long enough to realize,” she said with a smile.

“What do you want with us?” You knew it was a long shot to actually get the truth from her, but keeping her distracted as you clicked a bullet into place was all that you needed.

She laughed, the sound hollow. “You’ve got weapons, clothes. There’s lots of stuff us raiders like,” she murmured, trailing a finger down Joel’s cheek.

Protecting what was yours.

You raised your arm and pulled the trigger before anyone could react. And you watched as the bullet embedded itself in Martha’s shoulder. Her gun fell to the floor, a cry of pain tearing from her throat, but the fight wasn’t over yet. Joel loaded another bullet, pointed it at her and prepared to fire. You shut your eyes, in the hopes of avoiding the sight of any more death, but the echo of the second shot ringing in the air sounded wrong.

Joel flinched, thinking Jimmy attempted to fire at him. Still he pointed the gun at Martha, pulled the trigger and watched her fall to the ground, her blood now pouring onto the wood. Before Jimmy had any time to react, Joel was standing to his full height, his dark eyes narrowing at the sight of you still held in the man’s grasp.

“I’ll kill you!” Jimmy screamed, the fear practically dripping off his body like sweat.

You wrenched yourself away, landing to your knees again and shutting your eyes as another echo of a gunshot pierced through the air. Everything fell silent, the crickets outside, the breeze that blew through the trees. All you could hear was Joel’s labored breaths mixing with yours. Until something louder began to block out the sound of the world around you.

Your own heartbeat.

With a gasp, you finally realized why the shot sounded wrong, why you couldn’t feel your side. Warmth spilled over your palm, pain suddenly slicing through your body. Your eyes opened to see Joel standing a few feet away, his gaze still stuck on Jimmy’s dead body that lay only a few feet away from you. It wasn’t until you breathed his name that he finally broke free from the cage in his mind.

“Joel,” you breathed, eyes wide with a new kind of fear.

He felt the familiar question of are you okay land on the tip of his tongue, but then he saw it. The dark spot that spread through your black shirt, the red that spilled onto the floor below you. Joel felt his heart drop to his stomach, the air suddenly punched from his lungs, as he fell to his knees beside you.

“J-Joel,” you stuttered, gasping for another breath that burned your lungs.

“No,” he mumbled, his hands lifting your shirt to see the worst. “No, no, no.”

“Joel w-what’s happening?”

He gently helped you to the floor, his hands immediately pressing against the wound as memories of that fateful night began to rise up in his mind. From what he could see the bullet went through cleanly, leaving an open wound that he had to close up—quickly. His eyes lifted to meet yours and the sight of you looking petrified broke him; his heart twisted violently in his chest with each passing second.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he said, trying to convince himself more than you. “I need you to do something for me.” You nodded, your eyes fluttering slightly as a wave of dizziness spread through you. His hand cupping your cheek brought you back long enough to hear his words. “I need you to keep pressure on it.”

“Okay,” you gasped, biting back the scream as your hands pressed down on the wound. “What are you going to do?”

Grabbing his bag, he dug through it for his extra flannel, the fabric old and worn down. He couldn’t move you like this, not when you were bleeding so much. But he couldn’t keep you here. Joel felt grief’s familiar tight grip begin to wrap about his throat, cutting off his air, but he fought against it. Forcing himself to focus on keeping you alive. Joel had already decided he wouldn’t lose you…his partner, his friend. His.

“I’m gonna wrap it,” he said, surprisingly keeping his voice calm.

Lifting your hips slightly, he yanked the flannel into place, tightly tying it around your side, and wincing when you cried out in pain.

“I know, I know.” You gripped his wrist, stopping him from moving you any further. “I gotta do this darlin’. I know it hurts.”

“I-I can’t feel my body Joel,” you whimpered, tears falling down the side of your temple and into your hairline. “What’s happening?”

He cursed, hands reaching up to cup your face and turn you closer to him. “You're going into shock. You’ll be okay. You’re gonna be okay.” At this point Joel couldn’t tell if he continued to repeat the words for you or for himself. Fear spread through his chest, the sting of tears filled his eyes.

“I don’t want to die,” you whispered, hands clutching onto his wrists and staining his skin red with your blood.

“I won’t let you die honey.” He tightened the fabric on your body, making sure that the wound had enough pressure to stop you from bleeding out. He didn’t realize how badly his hands shook until you grasped them in yours.

Wheezing, you began to see spots of black show up in your line of eyesight and knew…you’d have to make this quick. “Joel I need you—” Exhaling, you desperately took in another breath. “I need you to do something for me.”

“You’re not gonna die,” he stated, once again needing the words more than you. “Not when I just found you.” His voice cracked, eyes shutting briefly until he felt you pull him closer. Your forehead pressing to his.

“Come here,” you breathed, your chest aching with the movement.

Pain practically swallowed him whole the longer he watched you struggle to stay awake, your blood still warm on his hands. “I’m not going to let you die,” he whispered.

With a wince, you smiled, thumb running along his cheek. Joel was a man of few words until it was too late and he had no time to say everything he should have said. Leaning in, he finally indulged in the one thing the both of you ached for the most. He pressed his lips to yours, a soft brush of his warm breath fanning across your cheek as he exhaled. Kissing him felt different than you imagined. The rough chap of his lips were somehow smooth against yours and briefly you lost yourself in his touch. You imagined that his feelings, beyond friendship, existed. Yet even you knew this wasn’t real.

You figured this was a goodbye. A thank you without saying the actual words, and you didn’t care if he didn’t actually mean it. Kissing him stole away the grief, it allowed you to truly forget that you were standing on death’s doorstep.

Sighing into his mouth, you felt the numbness begin to spread down to your hands, until you could no longer feel the sensation of his beard beneath your fingertips. Joel pulled away, his chest heaving and cheeks flushed red. If only you had a camera you could take a picture of him like this. Looking like nothing else was wrong in the world, because all he could focus on was you and your lips.

“Thank you,” you said, the black spots overtaking your vision entirely.

“Darlin’?” His hands pulled you up, your head leaning against his shoulder. “It’s okay,” he whispered, his lips pressing to your forehead. “You’ll be okay.”

Finally, the darkness stepped forward, welcoming you once more with open arms. Into its awaiting abyss full of peace—a place where you could rest until the end of time. Joel’s voice sounded far away as he called your name, his hand cupping your cheek to see you give in.

Your body jolted, heart racing and breaths labored, as you came to after who knows how long. The pain was a dull thrum in your body yet it was still a bitch to move. But it was the arm that tightly went around your waist that kept you still. Joel was wrapped around you, his face pressed into your neck and legs tangled with yours. You felt the warmth of his palm resting on your stomach when you moved, but the sharp sting of pain stopped you.

Something was tightly tied around your waist, keeping what you assumed to be a piece of fabric pressed against your wound. The pressure felt awkward, but it kept you alive. You weren’t sure how long you were out for, but you could see that night had passed, giving way to dawn. Joel’s chest rose and fell against your back as he slept, the soft snores he let out telling you that he needed more sleep than you did right now.

Turning slowly, you held back your grunt of pain as your wound screamed from the effort. Surprisingly, his face was peaceful. His eyelids fluttered every now and then, breaths remaining even, and you allowed yourself a moment to simply admire him. You had seen him like this before, sitting in the dark as you took watch. But this felt like more.

Shifting closer, his breath washed across your nose, the tickling sensation of his mustache against your upper lip nearly made you smile. You didn’t dare move any closer, keeping your lips a hair's breadth away from his—too afraid of waking him up. And there you remained. Watching him dream about something far away from this empty house. You hoped it was a good dream; one that gave him the solace you couldn’t.

He shifted, his arm tightening slightly around your waist and you felt what was left of your heart crack down the center. It was unfair that you met him now. In the middle of hell. You liked to imagine—if the world stayed the same as it was before—that one day you might have met him if you visited Texas. Or if he visited Boston. Perhaps you would have run into each other like you had now, found a friendship, and then when the time was right, you would have kissed.

Only that’s not how life went and instead you were left to watch him sleep, wishing you never kissed him in the first place. Now that you knew what it felt like—you weren’t sure how you could ever give him up. How could you say goodbye when he owned whatever remained of your heart—your hope?

#fic rec #author rec #hurt fic #hurt: chapter three | house of the rising sun #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller #joel miller fic #the last of us #the last of us fic #hbo tlou fic #{a non queued post!}

316 notes · View notes