#but i guess ive gotta grow up more

[phagodyke]

happy flat fuck friday I feel likr I've been run over by a steamroller <3

[ivysprophecy]

please please please

word count; 1644

summary; turning off your phone and shutting out the world isnt the best way to handle your problems but its what you do. and jjs had enough of it.

warnings; i dont think there is any? mentions of anxiety attacks? tagging @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

masterlist

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divider by @bernardsbendystraws

"well hey there stranger"

i turn from my book to look behind me, seeing the boy id been actively avoiding for the past two days. carrying his surf board.

i shouldve remembered he'd come here to surf. i just wouldn't have guessed this early in the morning.

"hey jayj."

"oh thats all i get? 'hey'? no 'i miss you so much'?" he sets his board in the sand taking a seat next to me on my blanket.

guess im not finishing my book today. "oh my god jj! youre here! ive been dyingggg to talk to you! i cant believe youre really in here in the flesh! there. better?"

"oh dont be like that- cmon mama whatd i do?" i feel bad with the genuine concern on his face.

okay was ghosting him out of nowhere awful of me? probably. i just didnt know what else to do.

after that night at the bonfire i realized that with my feelings for him growing it wasnt a good idea for us to continue our casual... something. it played with both our emotions. it isnt fair to either of us.

especially after his 'i love you'. that really did it in for me.

"you didnt do anything jj. trust. i just... ive been in a funk. needed some me time thats all."

"well... do you still need your 'me time'?" he looked so hopeful. how could i say yes? where jj maybank is concerned ill easily fold every time. "cause you havent answered my texts so i couldn't ask you to surf with me this morning."

"... i dont have my board. but i suppose i can hang out with you for a little while."

"im honored," he smiles laying back on his elbows, "but really. are you good? i like to think i know you pretty well and this whole MIA thing was not normal."

turning to face him more, i sigh, what the fuck am i supposed to say? 'yea im just so in love with you i cant be around you' yea that would go over really well.

"i dont know. just gotta lot of stuff goin on. you dont have to worry though. im good."

"well do ya wanna talk about it?"

"trust me jay you dont wanna hear about my problems. theyre trivial at best."

"what are friends for if not for listening?" he nudges me with his shoulder urging me to talk. i really dont think i can do this. i was not prepared.

"youre not a very good listener," i point out, to which he immediately takes faux offense. jaw dropped and everything.

"oh thats just not true! i can listen!"

i run a hand through my tangled hair in frustration. this cannot be how i tell him. it just cant. i came here to get away from thinking about this and now hes right here in front of me acting so unserious while im spiraling.

"jj i really appreciate how eager you are to help me but its really not necessary. i didnt really prepare myself and its just too much-"

"prepare yourself? mama what the fuck are you talking about? does this have to do with that night after the bonfire? i mean obviously it does who am i kidding you havent talked to me since then. did i do something wrong? was- was it bad?" he leans in closer, lowering his voice thats laced with worry and guilt.

oh my god that is the absolute last thing i expected him to say. shit i really fucked this up. and honestly just not true.

"what? no! no jj you didnt do anything wrong and it was perfect. promise," i try to reassure him but i know deep down hes gonna over think this whole thing if i dont tell him straight up

i may love him but i never said he was the brightest in the bunch.

"okay so whats the problem?"

"the problem is that it was perfect," i cant help but let out a sigh before hiding my face in my hands as the words leave my mouth.

god my heart is racing, im not ready for this conversation. maybe if i pass out i wont have to. yea if he has to call an ambulance then we can avoid this all together. but an ambulance is also like five grand so...

shit.

"... youre mad at me because you had a good time?" his face contorted in a weird fixture of confusion.

"no! no- god youre so dense sometimes!"

"mama i dont have a fucking clue what youre saying! how does that make me stupid??"

i hide my face in my hands again trying to compose myself because what the fuck kind of confession is this?

"jj im avoiding you because ive been developing feelings for you and i cannot in good conscience keep being so casual with you and sleeping with you knowing this and i know that you do not want anything serious so i figured id just make it easier for the both of us and just take myself out of the situation entirely so that nothing bad happens and i cannot stop fucking talking so please for the love of god say something or do something because i feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest and-"

oh my god im getting my book moment. he just kissed me to make me stop talking!!! oh my god hes kissing me.

is this where i kiss him back?

of course i kiss him back!! what the fuck!!? and oh my lord does it feel nice, so so so nice.

the way his tongue presses against mine, the way he cups my jaw and pulls me close to him. it was slow and confident and loving and everything he knows i like. his hands find my hips like muscle memory, pulling our bodies together, eventually having me on his lap. where he takes my hands and places them on his chest so i can feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths.

“… mama you need to learn to breathe.”

“that’s not funny right now jj. im actively having an anxiety attack, horrible thing to say really."

"what're you so anxious about? i think we're havin' a pretty calm conversation, dont you?"

"i mean yea- but thats not-" he interrupts me while shaking his head with a shrug.

"listen, i get why youre a little nervous to say that, all things considered. but i thought it was pretty obvious i was into you, i just didnt wanna push you because you made your boundaries clear so i just took what i could get."

my eyes bug out of my head in shock. am i the dense one? i mean yea hes a really good kisser and i can feel he cares deeply about me when we do stuff and makes me feel safe and supported but that doesnt mean-

yea im stupid. he all but outright said it. actually he has. thats what started this panic.

"... okay yea- maybe. but you agreed they were a good idea so i figured that meant you wanted them there too. and i dont know- it just kind of got overwhelming and i didnt wanna be one of those girls who expects something huge after sex so... you know what i mean? and truthfully youre not what i expected for me."

"what does that mean?" his face showed a little offense.

"i just mean- ya know. for one i didnt expect to love my best friend. and then on top of that i didnt think id love a guy who was a treasure hunting, or- adrenaline junkie i should say."

he leans back putting some space between us, "is that supposed to be a bad thing?

"no! no jay im not saying this right- i-... youre a fighter and youre adventurous- a lot of things im not. if that makes sense. all im sayin is a few years ago i wouldnt have expected to be here. but i like it here. love it here even," i smile at him teasingly trying to ease his worries. the last thing i need is to say the wrong thing right now.

"so what youre saying is that you love me?"

"youre such an idiot."

'but do ya? because i think you do mama."

i roll my eyes chuckling, "yea. yea i do maybank," i press a small kiss to his cheek leaning back into him.

"does this mean youll let me make you a maybank mama?" his eyebrow was quirked up as he teases his question.

"lets not get ahead of ourselves. how about we take this slow?"

he looks down at my button up shirt i was wearing over my bikini to shield me from the ocean breeze, and i could tell he was debating taking it off of me. giving me that same look he always does.

"slow? mama i dont think we're gonna be too good at that."

"all 'm sayin is we dont have to jump the gun, we both admitted it, doesnt mean we gotta change the way we act or announce it or nothing. we can just enjoy this ourselves ya know?"

"you embarrassed of me mama?"

"not at all baby, just want you all to myself. is that too much to ask for?"

he shakes his head leaning up against me, our faces inches apart, "nah i dont think so. i like the sound of that."

i meet him the rest of the way pressing his lips to mine, smiling into it. pulling him as close as humanly possible. i need him under mind skin, in my blood, you know?

"i do too, so we agree? we'll keep this between us for now?"

"whatever you want mama. yes maam."

[howlsofbloodhounds]

HAHAHHA *points and laughs* /j

Youre intimidating…

I'm afraid of you /pos

Fr? I’m a guy in a pink hoodie and I am like 4’11🧍‍♀️i am puntable size. what’s intimidating about lil me? 🤔 /lh /hj

{ @without-any-title }

[kissesfordaryl]

hi there!! i was wondering if you can do a fic or some hcs on daryl x trans male reader?? sfw or nsfw is up to you i just love the way you write daryl and wanted to see your take on him being with a trans partner :3

doesnt change a thing.

daryl & trans bf!

SO. SORRY. FOR. DYING. im gonna try and respond to some more reqs :( also for those who didnt know i mean ive never said it but i am trans ftm :p

in my head, he wouldnt even have a CLUE you were trans. daryl isnt the type to be in other peoples business or trying to guess what the fucks in your pants- at the end of the day, if he likes you he likes you.

and he likes you.

of course, being trans, you didnt know how to iust spring the info on him. daryl was what you thought a pretty typical redneck- but he was attracted to you- so hes not that conservative. but you were scared that there was still room for him to judge you.

as ive said before, daryl and you would take your relationship slow. youd dance around your feelings for a while, and so when you guys get more comfortable kissing, you just rip the bandaid off.

"daryl," he has to crane his neck to catch your words the way you're mumbling them, "i got something to say."

he shifts on his feet, setting his crossbow down. daryl recognizes the shift in your tone and prepares himself for the worst. what- you were tired of him now? realizes daryls just another piece of shit youve gotta string along? he grows more anxious at the thought, more agitated.

"i get it, y'know, if you feel different after this," the way youre pulling away is not helping his suspicions, "but ill just say this shit, alright? dee, im trans. i was... i was born a girl."

you watch as his eyebrows furrow in confusion, processing what you've said.

"the hell?" his voice is gruff, scoffing a little, "thats the shit thats made you all cracked out?"

his hand shyly comes up to tug you forward, already missing the contact, "doesnt change a thing for me."

he doesnt completely understand it though. youve him tucked under your arm when he perks up a little. "so you dont have a dick?"

you cant help the laugh that escapes you, fond of the older man. "mm, no. i wish."

he shrugs, laying back down as he tries to surreptitiously steal a glance down at your lap. "that sucks. having a dick is pretty nice."

when it comes to dysphoria, i think he would have the perfect way to trying to soothe you. as you open up about not feeling like a real man- or just overall having bad days- he's quick to approach you, calloused hands cradling your face. "youre the only man in my life. the best guy i know, alright?"

and you dont really realize what hes getting at: his dad was his first masculine figure in his life but he was a terrible guy. merle was better, kinda, but was still always leaving daryl hanging. but whens he with you, he feels safe, cared for, important, needed. its what you needed to hear.

again im sosososo sorry this is late ☹️

[itsjaywalkers]

for the prompt game: ROSEKILLER 57 WITH BOXER AU IVE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT……….. (also i hope you’re having a fun day off laurie hi hi 🥺🤍)

HI HI SAINTS BELOVED <333 i actually didn't get the day off bc i'm an idiot and i couldn't say no when my coworker asked me to change shifts.. but at least i got home before 10pm which . is unusual for me lmao . and today's shift was actually kinda fun so !!

anyways, hope you're having a lovely day and that u enjoy this silly lil thing <3 first peek into boxer au rosekiller <3 (i went a bit overboard but they've been plaguing my mind and u don't deserve less)

57. "Teach me to fight."

It's been more than half an hour of hitting the punching bag nonstop when Barty finally decides to take a break. It's not even because he's actually tired, despite the sweat he can already feel dripping down his back and his face. It's because his bad shoulder—the right one—dislocated during the last combination he tried, and after Barty puts it back in place, he's gotta wait a little bit before going back to training.

This happens way too often for comfort, but it's not really painful anymore—it never really was, or maybe Barty has simply dealt with much worse. Besides, the longer he ignores it, the more serious it'll get, which means he'll have an excuse to go get another check-up.

His manager already warned him when he first got the injury after that stupid fight with stupid Potter. Barty began to grow restless during recovery time, and then decided his shoulder was fine when it stopped hurting.

Obviously, he was wrong. Except, it only dislocates when he goes too hard, and he's learnt how to put it back in place without issue, so really, technically, he was sort of right. What does his manager know, anyway? As long as Barty continues winning and putting money in that fucker's pocket, there shouldn't be any complaints.

He pulls up his tank top and dries off some of the sweat on his neck and the side of his face, while rolling his shoulder gently, testing the waters before he goes back to punching, when the hairs at his nape begin to stand up.

There's no noise, no sudden sounds. Barty doesn't hear the door opening, or closing, and yet, when he turns around, smirk already pulling at his lips, he isn't surprised to find someone standing right behind him.

"Hey, Rosie," he greets the other man, who blinks at him, completely deadpan. "I didn't know you were still around. Long shift today?"

"Yes, you did," Evan responds, that cool tone of his sending a pleasing chill down Barty's spine. "Know, that is. I'm pretty sure you've got my schedule memorised."

Barty takes a few moments to drop the hem of his shirt, because he notices the way in which Evan's gaze drops to his stomach and stays there for a handful of seconds. His expression doesn't change, there isn't even a flicker of something in his face, but the attention is more than enough for him.

"Well, you left your email open and your laptop in my near vicinity." Barty shrugs, eyes running up and down Evan's body. He's still wearing that sexy white coat of his, the shirt underneath it perfectly buttoned and tucked inside his jeans.

There's barely any skin showing, because Evan is a little weirdo, but there's some ankle peeking, since the pants are ridiculously tight on him and the legs keep riding up slightly.

Honestly, it's like he's doing it on purpose. Barty can't be blamed if he ends up hard under his sweats. He can already feel some blood rushing south just at the sight of that tiny sliver of soft brown skin.

"And you downloaded my rotas?" Evan guesses, tilting his head to the side.

"Nah," Barty says, crossing his arms over his chest, flexing a little. "Didn't have to. I've got a damn good memory. I read over them for a couple of minutes until they stuck."

Evan nods, not fazed in the slightest.

"That's why you only come in when I'm on shift," Evan states, and it's not a question. He doesn't seem surprised, or freaked out, but then again, he barely shows any emotions. Apart from irritation, that is, and that one's reserved for when Barty is being especially pushy. Or especially horny.

"I don't think I've ever seen any of the other nurses a single time in my life," Barty tells him with a chuckle.

"You have," Evan retorts, and his eyes narrow the tiniest bit. Barty feels a pull in his stomach. "You were talking to Betty three weeks ago, after your match against Black. The bad one. You let her check your shoulder."

Barty lets out an incredulous laugh, not sure on where to focus first, going dizzy with how badly he wants this freak of a man.

He's obsessed with the way in which Evan always seems to get the urge to clarify which Black he's talking about, as if it's not obvious, considering only one of them fights. How he's always so precise, never allowing any ambiguity into his sentences. How almost nothing seems to hold his focus apart from his experiments and medicine and his patients' injuries, and yet, here he is, remembering when Barty talked to someone else momentarily.

"Did I?" Barty asks innocently, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his shit-eating grin at bay.

"Yes," Evan responds, a little furrow appearing between his eyebrows. "She was touching you."

"Was she?" The corners of Barty's mouth are twitching so much he's sure he must look like an absolute maniac.

"Yes," Evan repeats, some exasperation slipping into his voice. "She wasn't even doing it right. She kept kneading the muscle in the same place, instead of checking the ligament, and she did this for more than five minutes, even though it takes seconds to find out about a dislocation—"

"Rosie," Barty cuts him off gently, watching, with no little amount of delight, how Evan's frown worsens. "I didn't even know her fucking name. I couldn't give less of a fuck about stupid Betty, or whatever the hell she's called."

Evan blinks slowly. "But you—"

"I was tired and sore after that match, my shoulder was bothering me, and she was there. My manager told her to check my shoulder, just in case I had fucked it up beyond solution, but if I had known you were around she wouldn't have laid a single finger on me."

There's a beat of silence, Evan's dead eyes searching all over Barty's face, assessing and determined. He smirks at him, which results in Evan huffing and looking away.

"Don't do it again," it's what he ends up mumbling, and if Barty didn't know any better, he'd dare to say Evan is close to pouting. "You're my patient."

Barty raises both eyebrows, a deranged smile splitting his face while he perks up like a goddamn dog. "Is that jealousy I'm hearing, Rosie?"

"No," Evan drawls, straightening up. "It's just the truth. You're not my only patient, you know? But if you're getting treated by me, then you're not allowed to see any other nurses."

"Damn, way to make a man feel special," Barty scoffs, but he does actually kind of mean it. Which he's aware might be a bit pathetic, but, well, he'll be whatever the fuck Evan wants him to. "Wasn't interested in seeing any other nurses, anyway."

"Good." Evan nods, almost to himself, and Barty has to make an active effort not to coo. "Are you done training?"

Barty blinks a couple of times, slightly taken aback, both by the sudden change of topic and by Evan entertaining conversation. Normally, talking to the other boy feels like pulling teeth—oh, man, Rosie would fucking love this comparison—which Barty doesn't mind because he finds it incredibly fun. Unless Evan is going on one of his medical rants, and yeah, Barty shouldn't find it as attractive as he does, but it's not like he's ever worked like he's supposed to.

But this? This is new.

"Not really," Barty answers, still feeling off-kilter. He shakes his head, forcibly pulling himself out of his mind. "Why? You wanna join me, Rosie?"

"As a matter of fact, I do."

Barty snorts, assuming that it's a joke, even though he's more than aware that Evan doesn't do jokes, because his humour is way too dark, and rarely finds funny what others do. But Evan's expression doesn't change, and Barty nearly chokes on his own spit.

"Wait, you're serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You've never been interested in boxing," Barty points out.

"That's a lie. I watch every match," Evan argues, lips pursed.

"Because you're job kind of forces you to."

"Also a lie. I need to be there when I'm on shift, in case they call for me, but I'm not required to actually watch."

"Yeah, but you still do, because your pretty little morbid head goes absolutely feral at the prospect of seeing some blood."

Evan scrunches his nose, as if disgusted.

"You're wrong," Evan lies, expression giving absolutely nothing away. Really, if Barty didn't already know the truth, he'd be inclined to believe him. "It's got nothing to do with that. I like boxing."

Barty huffs, the noise filled with amusement. "Sure you do, Rosie."

"I really do," Evan insists, always so ridiculously stubborn.

"I don't know who you're trying to convince, but—"

"Teach me to fight."

Barty sputters, brows almost reaching his hairline, and he gapes at Evan, who's still staring at him. He seems unaffacted by Barty's dramatics, but then again, he's unaffected by almost everything.

"The fuck?" he manages to spit out at some point.

"Teach me to fight," Evan says again, a lot slower, as if Barty is some kind of idiot. God, he wans to fucking devour him.

Barty isn't sure of what's going on right now. Evan barely interacts with him outside of their appointments, it's always him reaching out, so he doesn't understand what prompted this. What Evan is hoping to achieve.

"Why?"

"I told you, I like boxing."

"Yeah, okay. And the real reason?"

Evan's tongue pushes against the inside of his cheek, and it's so, so hard for Barty, not to make a very inappropriate joke.

"I'm testing something," he admits, albeit bedgrugingly.

"Ah, so you want me to be your guinea pig," Barty sighs a bit dreamily. "That sounds more like it."

"Sure," Evan agrees with unsurprising ease. "Will you?"

"All you had to do was ask, Rosie."

They get to work right after that. Barty doesn't even bother with suggesting a change of clothes, because he's aware of how well that'd be received. The fact that Evan chooses to take the white coat off is already more than Barty expected.

He tries to show him how to stand, how to do a basic punch. Evan knows most of the basic theory, mostly due to how often he deals with boxing injuries, but he's absolutely helpless when he has to act it out himself.

It doesn't matter how often Barty corrects him; he keeps slouching, stance all wonky. He lacks strength, and he takes a bit too long to protect his face after doing a jab.

The main issue, though, is his obvious lack of interest.

Evan seems to be distracted by something, too inside his own head, and when Barty is about to point this out, poke some fun at him in hopes of getting Evan to snap, the other man speaks again.

"That's enough," he declares, tone leaving no place for argument. "Let's spar."

Barty chuckles, disbelieving, but then Evan is sending a glare his way, and he raises both hands in mock surrender, giving in immediately.

He'll do pretty much whatever the fuck Evan wants him to, really.

They both get into position, and regardless of how much Barty is holding back, trying to give the other man a chance, is actually kind of laughable, how easily he overcomes him.

One moment they're exchanging soft blows, and the next Barty has Evan pinned to the floor, his legs and arms completely immobilised as Barty grins maniacally from above.

"Happy now, Rosie?" he teases.

Evan presses his mouth in a tight line. "Not quite."

"Oh, really? Because I'm starting to think this was all a ruse to get me on top of you."

Evan rolls his eyes so hard Barty worries they might get stuck inside his skull. "I'm afraid that's more your style. And anyway, I don't think it's wise to understimate your opponent like this."

"It's nothing personal, Rosie, but when victory is already mine, I—"

Barty never gets to finish. Evan raises his head so quickly his brain barely registers it, and then he's sinking his teeth hard where Barty's neck meets his shoulder. Until he breaks skin, until he draws blood, until Barty lets out a pained groan and his body goes slack, more in surprise than actual hurt.

A moment later, their positions are reversed. Evan is straddling him, mouth still attached to his skin, and Barty is lying on the cold ground, dizzy and a little bit breathless.

He doesn't know how long they stay like this—definitely not enough—but after a while, Evan lets go and sits up a little, lips stained red. It's dripping down his chin, and when he parts his mouth a little, panting softly, Barty finds out that his teeth are also crimson with blood. With his blood.

Barty groans again.

"You're hard," Evan comments, painfully nonchalant. It's that same casualness he used the first time Barty had an erection during an appointment, after Evan had pulled at the stitches on his leg and stuck his fingers inside Barty's wound.

"Yeah," he breathes out, half-delirious. "Yeah, no shit."

Evan hums, cocking his head to the side, analytical gaze running up and down Barty's body and making him twitch in his pants. The fact that Evan can feel it right under him, between his legs, forces Barty to swallow down a moan.

Barty is about to say something incredibly stupid to maybe, hopefully, alleviate the tension, when Evan leans down once more; this time, slower, more careful.

He's prepared to feel the sting of a bite again, toes curling in excitement, but it never comes. Instead, there's something wet and tentative and soft lapping at the open wound, gathering all the blood there that is still coming out.

It takes Barty a moment to realise it's Evan's tongue.

The knowledge hits Barty like a motherfucking bus. He can't stop a low moan from coming out now, or his hips from thrusting up, searching for something, anything, that Evan might give him.

Surprisingly, and instead of pulling away, the other man makes an odd noise against his skin, and Barty thinks he's imagining it when Evan presses down on him.

He freezes up after that, but only for a second, Evan's licking never stopping. But then Barty moves again, more purposefully, rubbing his erection against the apex of Evan's thighs.

The response is immediate, although definitely unconscious. Evan grinds back experimentally, with no coordination or finesse, dropping another sound into Barty's bleeding wound.

His eyes widen when his brain finally catches up properly, hands coming up to grab at Evan's hips and halt his movements.

"Rosie, are you..." Barty stops, swallows harshly. "Are you turned on right now?"

Evan laps at the blood a few more times before straightening up again, staring down at Barty with unblinking eyes and red all over his face.

"Fuck, are you—?" A laugh, strained and bordering on hysterical. "Are you wet?" He doesn't even need to check to know the answer.

Evans nods, almost imperceptibly. "Apparently so."

He has half a mind to turn them over and fuck Evan into the floor. Until Evan is a whimpering mess. Until he's crying, begging, unable to do anything but fucking take it. Until he's sore, and hurt, and full, but still asking for more. Until he can't say anything else apart from Barty's name, until he's—

"Bloody hell," Barty whispers, shutting his eyes tight and letting out another cackle.

Oh, he's going to die. He's absolutely going to fucking die.

[jaemified]

major, minor, and the things in between - nishimura riki

"are we friends, lovers, or whatevers in between?"

pairing ; nishimura riki x fem!reader

genre ; slice of life, enemies to lovers-ish (y/ns mean to riki smh), romance, drama, fluff, small angst, non idol au

warnings ; swearing, drinking, brief mention of blood (someone gets cut), mention of offing yourself but its just niki making a joke

wordcount ; 7.0k

synopsis ; though never quite well acquainted, sim y/n had always felt strongly against nishimura riki, until her brother jake had forced them to get along. but, what was meant to have them get closer turns into something a little more.

note (5/29) - there isnt rlly much mention of jake/nikis actual siblings but for one scene theirs like additional (baby) siblings

note (7/10) - its finally here!! im a little upset it took me 2 months to write 7k since i used to be able to write 4k in 8hrs but summer has been kicking my ass so im glad its out despite being 10 days past release date

taglist 🏷️ ; @stinkoscope @asyleums

read below the cut !

"'when im with you, i.. im so happy. i like you, na bora!' 'i like you. i like you too! i really really like you!'" y/n cried at her computer screen, rewatching 20th century girl for the 2nd time this week, before being so rudely interrupted by her brothers presence, bugging her with the same, repetitive question. the same question hes been asking for years on end now.

"the guys are coming over and of course you know niki is gonna be here as well. i want you to talk to him. why cant you just be friends?"

"id appreciate it a lot if youd leave, this is my space."

"i dont know if you noticed, but this is a small flat with not much room to move around. its not only you living here you know." jake reminded.

of course y/n knew there was limited space, she knew the moment she first realized she had already circled about the unit, trying to escape her brothers nagging.

"if you know theres not enough room for you and me then what makes you think theres room to accommodate an additional 6 other grown ass men. go to your room, im doing homework.'

'annoying..'

"you were literally just crying watching 20th century girl milliseconds before i walked in, and im not asking much y/n! all i want is for you to talk to him, even pretend like youre getting along, thats it!" jake remarked, before catching the pillow y/n attempted to throw at his face.

'so damn annoying.' y/n thought, growing more and more annoyed by her brothers constant nagging as each second passed.

"whats so hard about getting along with niki? hes a good kid!" jake complained. since his little sister couldnt get along with one of his best friends, it made even the intimate gatherings.. unpleasantly awkward.

"hes annoying, like you are being right now."

"no, why do you really hate him so much."

"i dont know! he just reminds me of someone i guess? and he always cheated on projects back in middle school. even stole my ideas so he could make it look like im in the wrong."

"thats it? youre holding a grudge over him just being a middle school kid from, what, 5 years ago? cmon, theres gotta be something better then that. not to mention even if there wasnt, that makes you sound hella dumb holding a grudge from the 7th grade when youre graduating next year."

y/n thought to herself. of course there was another reason, but it seemed unnecessary to bring up. and she also just didnt want to share it with jake. or maybe, it wasnt the right reason after all.

"well hes cocky as hell and is still a better dancer, basketball player, volleyball player then i, not to mention ive been playing longer and layla likes him more then she likes me!"

"thats your fault youre never home, laylas just more used to him. and me. i am clearly her favorite between you and i."

"more like his fault hes practically living in my apartment cause hes never at his own home. and how can she be more used to him when ive known her since way before she met riki.."

"tough luck." jake pat y/n on the head on his way out before shutting the door.

__________________________________________

the sound of the doorbell awoke y/n from her, well, what was meant to be a quick nap (which later turned into a 4 hour sleep). just as she slowly got out of bed to answer it, she heard jake yell from down the hall, "ive got it! make sure you dont look stupid or anything in front of my friends!"

she rolled her eyes and climbed back into bed, thinking about her outfit. standard pajamas, plaid shorts and a black tee (which probably wasnt even hers). she thought about how the one person out of the 6 she didnt want to see would be out there. truth be told, even she herself didnt know the best explanation as to why she hated riki so much. y/n figured it was because of a little mishap back during freshmen year and she just couldnt bring herself to apologize for everything that had been said during that time, so she forced herself to continue hating him. 'yeah, seems about right.'

the sound of the door opening caught her attention and the next thing she knew, there was a boy in a cream essentials hoodie jumping onto her.

"oh shit, what the f-"

"hi y/nnn!" sunoo smiled, carefully getting off his best friend.

y/n was in joy once she realized who it was, and brought him into a tight hug.

"hey sunoo! god it feels like forever since i last saw you!"

it was really only a week.

"i know right! its been too long!"

she smiled, no matter what mood she was in, sunoo always was the sunshine in the rain.

"so, whos here?"

"oh, you know the usual. sunghoon, heeseung, jake, and jay hyung. niki and jungwon are supposed to be setting up something in the courtyard."

"setting up what?"

"a volleyball net. jake was on nikis ass all week and wanted him to 1v1 you while we all played basketball. jungwon just wanted to help however he could, hes been tired all week from his job and the dance program."

no fucking way.

"youre saying i have to be alone, with nishimura riki? hell no!"

"isnt it great?" "this is a disaster!" they both exclaimed in unison.

"how is that bad?" "how is this good?!"

sunoo signaled for y/n to continue first. "i just cant stand riki. jakes been on my ass to talk to him but i didnt think hed actually talk to him, or that hed even listen either."

"seriously? i always thought you had a thing for him. i mean, you look good together, you both share mainly the same interests, mainly the same circle, not to mention the undeniable love you have when your eyes meet-"

"okay thats enough! you know what, how bout we go outside, im hungry anyway."

sunoo shrugged and went along with y/n down the hall.

he was slightly surprised when he saw niki and jungwon sitting on the couch, having a sip of their drinks.

"back already? i thought you were setting up the nets."

"yeah, but it was easier then expected. and we didnt even need to go to the lobby for the stuff. it was all already in the courtyard." jungwon told the two with a smile, proud of their work.

"y/n." niki looked at her with that stupid grin she had always hated.

"nishimura."

"i didnt know youd be here." he observed, ignoring how she had addressed him by his last name instead of niki, or riki.

she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"i live here dipshit. you think id run away just cause i knew you were coming?"

niki got up from his seat and walked closer, and closer, until their faces were mere centimeters away.

"just like you ran from all our problems in freshmen year huh?"

"you realize it was all because of what you did, dont you?"

it took niki a minute to notice how close they were. he looked down at her lips before realizing what sunoo and jungwon were saying in the background. "are they about to kiss?"

"hell no!" y/n and niki both yelled out in unison, quickly pushing away from each other.

"whatever. i need to use the bathroom, i cant stand seeing your face." she remarked to niki.

as soon as y/n closed the bathroom door, she let out a breath she never knew she was holding in, slowly trying to register what had just happened. 'did i really almost kiss him.'

minutes after being stuck in the bathroom for so long, she left and walked into the main living space, only to notice everyone was gone.

well, almost everyone.

"are you serious."

y/n dryly stared at the boy sitting on her couch, in her spot, watching her favorite show.

"i forgot you were still here." niki yawned.

"where is everyone?"

"did you seriously not hear them say theyre gonna get food and that theyll be back in.. three hours or more?"

"three hours or more? it does not take that long to get food, youre fucking with me." y/n walked into hers and jakes individual bedrooms to see if anyone was hiding from her, to her dismay, niki wasnt lying.

"it does if youre getting food from busan."

"why the fuck are they going all the way to busan for food??"

"language! my young ears cant take this!"

"shut up nishimura youre only 11 days younger."

"more like 11 years at heart cause you act like a grumpy old lady all the time.."

"whatd you just call me?"

"nothing!"

"so why are they going all the way to busan for food again?" y/n reminded, getting niki back on track.

"cause they got a friend whos house is down there and hes in town for the weekend, they said theyll bring us home our own order."

y/n walked into the kitchen, rummaging for food.

"what are you doing now?"

"looking for food, im gonna die if i see your ugly ass face any longer."

"what are you on about 'ugly'? girls at school love this face."

"and apparently you loved those girls too much in return.."

niki got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen bar, sitting down. "are you still mad at me about that?"

she stopped what she was doing and looked at niki, not saying anything, hoping it was enough of an answer.

"so you are." 'so he isnt all that dumb'

"look, i didnt know she had bad intentions, and you were right, i shouldve listened to you. but you really have to stop avoiding me. how was i supposed to tell you i didnt realize what she was trying to do if you keep running away?"

"how do you not realize no matter how many times i warned you?"

"i thought you did it because you were jealous."

"i did it because i loved you!"

niki froze, thinking he was crazy, thinking maybe he hadnt heard right.

"you what?"

"past tense. loved, not love. and how could you think so badly of me? we were supposed to trust each other, always tell the truth, and you thought i told you she would end up using you was because you thought i was jealous? how could you?"

he sighed, thinking about what he had done, realizing how badly he had mistreated y/n in the past, realizing there was no reversing it. he walked into the kitchen where y/n was, backing her into the corner as the kitchen was just as small as the apartment itself.

"get away from me!" she yelled, throwing ramen packet after ramen packet at niki.

"no. i know i havent been the best to you-" "more like you know youve been the worst."

niki glared at y/n.

"-and i know theres no reversing it. i realize i cant undo the past, but what i can do, is fix our future. i want to show you i can be better to you then i was then. we can be what we used to be before, us. our spark."

"there is no us, or we, or, our. but maybe just you, caught up in your daydreams." y/n pushed niki out the way, and walked out the kitchen, not noticing she was slowly being followed.

"i loved you too you know. except for the fact that i still do."

"can you just please leave." she turned around, now facing him.

her vision blurred, head dizzy, face stained, all as her glass like tears trickled down her cheeks.

"hey, its okay. dont cry."

"get away from me!"

niki attempted to hug y/n as she fought against him, trying to run from his grasp, struggling to no avail. she eventually fell still in his hold, forgetting its natural warmth and comfort.

"im sorry for everything." was the last thing y/n heard before falling asleep, growing tired and stressed from everything that had just happened.

__________________________________________

it was late at night by the time everyone else had come back, 2am to be exact. traffic was unusually heavy though it was a saturday night, not to mention the designated driver and his understudy (heeseung and sunghoon. yikes, scary night) ended up being the most wasted while everyone else was still tipsy. poor jungwon, still tired from a 4 hour nap after being on 2 hours of sleep all day, had to drive everyone through the slow traffic.

jake, who was slightly sobering up, turned on the lights in the dark room and dimmed them as his head was still throbbing. he walked into the living room and saw y/n, fast asleep with her head on nikis shoulder with his arm around her as he finished the rest of avengers endgame.

jake knew his sister well enough to know she had been crying once he focused on her puffy red eyes. but, it was a sweet moment, y/n was passed out, niki was barely conscious, and everyone was painfully drunk or achey. he figured he would just yell at riki for whatever happened in the morning.

sunghoon and heeseung ran into the kitchen (as best they could without tipping over) for water, jungwon had knocked out as soon as he sat down in the chair next to y/n, jay was busy trying to figure out how to use jakes water filter, and sunoo was sitting at the kitchen bar eating a pudding cup.

jay called for jakes help, just as his eyes had fluttered shut. begrudgingly so, jake got up and helped the three boys it the kitchen. "you press the bottom button, not the top button. the top is for ice."

"thanks." "yeah whatever."

"i know youre tired hyung, but so are we. where are we all supposed to sleep?" sunoo quietly asked, putting his hand on jakes shoulder.

he thought, looking at the three sprawled out in the living room, and the three bubbling nonsense in the kitchen. "jay and sunghoon can stay with me, ill move niki and y/n to her room, you can stay in the living room with jungwon and heeseung hyung. but move jungwon to the couch since he drove everyone."

"thanks-" sunoo cut himself off as he heard the sound of jakes receding footsteps.

__________________________________________

morning came, and though it wasnt a good one, y/n wanted to remedy that. or, remedy the nasty hangover she knew everyone would be experiencing.

she had woken up with her eyes puffy and red, and even though she didnt want to get up she knew she would have to eventually.

"is that hangover soup i smell?" jake asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he walked out his room.

"well i know riki doesnt know how to cook and jungwons still asleep. so who else would be making it?" y/n flashed a tired smile, pouring a serving for jake.

"so, why were you crying last night? and dont say you werent or that you just didnt sleep well. ive lived with you long enough now to tell the difference between your 'i didnt get enough sleep' eyes, and your 'i was crying pretty hard' eyes." he interrogated as he took a big sip of the soup. so good he almost felt better already.

"what did he tell you? or were you watching me?"

"he didnt tell me anything, he was already asleep by the time we came back. i just saw the look on your face and knew."

"just reminiscing on some bad times is all."

jake raised a brow at his sister, taking another sip.

"you dont have to tell me now if you dont want to. but i do want to hear about everything. later. when my head isnt pounding like when i heard mom push you out in the emergency room. after i take a nap. and when youve bought jungwon some coffee."

"me? why do i have to buy him coffee? im not the one who drove him because the designated drivers were too wasted."

"we typically treat him to an iced americano since hes always up taking care of us when were drunk, but we havent gotten this wasted in a while. and he spent so long getting sunghoon out the house, not to mention the long drive to the point he ended up falling asleep as soon as we got back."

y/n thought about it before mumbling a, "tough luck" to jake, patting him on the back before walking into her bedroom.

she was met with the sight of niki making the bed as she walked in. "when did you wake up?" she quietly asked.

"not too long ago, you?"

"about an hour ago. i had to cook for them."

"ah. did you sleep well? i know sleeping upright on the couch mustve been a lot less comfortable then this."

"i guess. i dont remember waking up to walk here though. jake probably carried me."

"he was way wasted, snoring loudly way before i woke up. how else do you think you got here?"

it took a minute for it to click in y/ns mind when she realized it was niki who took her to the room and slept next to her. this whole time, she thought it was her brother who lent his own room to his friends.

"of course not, he just asked me to help or make sure you got to bed safely and that i could stay with you since there was nowhere else."

'that bastard.. ill kill him one of these days. im surprised i havent already.' she spoke to herself in her head.

"so. are we good now?" niki questioned, walking over to the other side of the room.

"how can you ask me such a thing after making me relive one of the worst memories of high school ive ever had?"

"it wasnt my intention. i was just trying to explain-" "theres nothing to explain when i had already given you multiple warnings. thats on you."

y/n threw a pillow at niki and walked away, back outside.

"what was that all about?" sunghoon asked, taking a sip of the coffee he had just made. 'where did he get silk pajamas from. are- are those mine?'

"what?"

"not to bother, but i mean, you were kind of yelling." heeseung explained to y/n.

she let out a sigh, rubbing her forehead in stress.

"i dont want to talk about it right now. i- actually. you know what? ill be back."

"where are you going?" sunoo asked y/n, following her to her room just as niki walked out.

"somewhere, not sure yet. dont follow me."

"i wont, i know how much you value your alone time but- oh youre changing. hold on ill turn around. but please be safe. when will you be back?"

sunoo turned back around and saw she had changed into beige cargos and a white crop top. realizing he was staring, he looked around the room, before a certain picture caught his eyes. he walked closer to get a better look. it was baby jake feeding yogurt to baby y/n. 'awe, they were always close werent they.' he hadnt even realized y/n was talking to him, and by the time he faced where y/n was standing, she had already left out the front door.

y/n🤨; srry, u were so immersed in that picture of jake and i as kids, but i rlly wanted to leave. i cant handle being around niki. see u l8r

sunoo😴 ; no worries, have fun, stay safe, and dont take any candy from strangers lol

__________________________________________

y/n drives to her favorite cafe she always used to visit with her brother, mama han's. she sits down at the bar and scrolls deep into her camera roll, coming across some mundane memories of her and riki back when they were close.

"what can i get you, hun?" the waitress, jiwoo, asked with a small grin. she didnt look to be any younger than 40 something now, compared to the last time she visited the spot. jiwoo was always the waitress here, even served the two frequently in their childhood when they visited from australia.

"just a vanilla shake is all. extra whip please."

"sweetie, arent you lactose? it must be pretty bad if you want extra dairy."

"yeah, it is. but, im not comfortable talking about it at the moment if thats alright."

"of course it is. just hope youre doing okay." jiwoo pat y/n on the shoulder, before reaching down to get the ingredients.

"hows your brother? havent seen either one of you in a while."

"hes well, a little hungover, but hes fine."

jiwoo laughed as she poured milk into the blender. "of course. what more to expect from your brother. well, how are you? i realized i didnt really ask."

"im alright. and, do you remember niki?"

"little niki from when you were kids? the one you used to like- oh dear, dont tell me hes the reason as to why youre so down?"

"long story, but yeah. its fine though, ill deal with it. but what about you, whats going on? did you ever pursue your dream as an actress?"

"no, and i regret not going for it. i didnt get to be in stairway to heaven, but shinhye and taehee did though. which is why you need to go for what you want, otherwise you really will regret it." jiwoo advised, adding the cherry on top of the extra whip prior to sliding the glass over to y/n.

"so i should forgive him?"

"if its what you want. though i dont know the backstory, i do know that as long as its something you want then its worth a shot. the worst he can say is no, you know?"

"yeah.. oh and jiwoo, can i get a chocolate shake to go?"

"no problem, just give me 4 minutes. and- oh dont worry about it, put your card away! its on the house."

___________________________________________

y/n heard her phone buzz in the center console as she pulled into an empty parking lot. she turned the engine off the car and pulled out her phone.

sim jaeyun ; Can you come home

Y/n Sim ; can u stop using caps

sim jaeyun ; I don't think it matters but okay

sim jaeyun ; can you stop disappearing whenever you're mad at someone

Y/n Sim ; can you change my name so its not in caps

sim jaeyun ; can you stop changing the topic and just drive back because niki wants to talk to you and i was getting worried

Y/n Sim ; can u change my name

'sim jaeyun' has changed your display name to 'y/n sim'

y/n sim ; i bought u a shake from jiwoos

sim jaeyun ; no you didn't she probably got it to you for free

y/n sim ; cz im her fav sim

sim jaeyun ; im going to tell all the guys about how you pissed yourself at disneyland on splash mountain

y/n sim ; driving home rn

sim jaeyun ; no texting while driving love u

y/n sim ; lyt

she let out a small laugh at her brothers texts. she quickly got out the car, taking some pictures of the sunset for her instagram, and posting it, before driving out as the milkshake was beginning to melt.

niki got the alert y/n had posted and pressed the notification at the top of his screen. he didnt miss how the caption referenced wave to earth as it was always their favorite band to listen to together.

@/05sim_y/nn ; how can my day be bad when im with u? - [9m ago]

liked by @/02sim_ikeuu, @/suniskim, and 99 others - 20 comments

@/rikimura has liked this post ! [now]

___________________________________________

after getting back home and taking a relaxing shower (thanks to everyone leaving 2 hours prior), y/n had continued to keep herself up at night for the past week before deciding it was time to talk to riki.

she pushed her feelings aside, waking up on a random wednesday morning at the crack of dawn then randomly told herself 'ive got to do this, for my brothers sake and our friend group.' (or so she unconvincingly tried to convince herself, but thats already another thing she didnt want to get into at the moment) y/n quickly threw on whatever clothes she could gather laying about the floor, then ran to grab her car keys and hurry out the door.

as soon as she swung the big piece of metal open, she was met with the familiar sight of nishimura riki knowing when hes done wrong, his guilty face, with his hand raised and ready to knock.

"what are you doing here at the ass crack of dawn?"

"what are you doing ready to run out your apartment like its the olympics as the ass crack of dawn?" he responded to her question with a question, with the intent of knowing how much she hated it.

"actually, i was about to leave to see you. i think its time we had a talk. you know, after my.. moment, that i had last week."

"yeah. i know. its not your fault i realize now, or, im telling you that but ive realized it since the moment i lost you. i think-"

niki was interrupted by jake shouting from across the flat, "if youre gonna finally have this talk i think you should go somewhere else! can you leave soon? 'cause my girlfriends gonna come over at like 12!"

"i seriously doubt any place is open for us to be going to at 5:41 in the morning." y/n yelled in response.

"you know well mama han's is open now, and jiwoo works day and night, just go there so i can be alone!" "for 7 hours?"

niki laughed in response as he registered what jake and y/n were arguing over.

"what girlfriend?-" "-talking stage, technically, but he says theyre dating because she accidentally kissed his cheek on their first date when reaching to grab something near him."

"i remember her lips on my skin like it was yesterday, meanwhile you have yet to kiss niki." jake scoffed in english, the words flowing smoothly off his tongue with his accent before walking closer towards where y/n was standing.

"gross. if anything her accidentally very barely brushing her lips against your stupid face is the only action youll ever be getting if you keep trying to get rid of your one and only favorite little sister." y/n muttered in response, slightly ignoring niki muttering about how he thinks y/ns accent sounds cute.

"really?"

-

and so y/n found herself driving to mama han's cafe with niki after jake called their eldest brother, complaining she should listen to him because shes younger and if she wouldnt listen to jake himself then maybe she would listen to her older-older brother.

"you should listen to your older siblings but jake, if you had someone coming over you shouldve told her in advance. and what are you even gonna do alone for 6 hours??"

after being seated and placing their orders, niki brought back the conversation from earlier that had sort of been killed by jake.

"i get it, youre mad at me, and i shouldve listened to you. i know i fucked up and i know you see it too. i get it if you dont want to forgive me yet, or if you ever even will. but when you decide we could be good, im always here for you."

"why would i be here if i hadnt been prepared to forgive you?"

"huh?"

"i seriously question how dense you are sometimes."

"thanks for believing in me."

"no problem, but seriously. i forgive you. as much as i hate to admit it since i know youll use it against me, but i kinda missed having you around. i mean, you were my first love among other things but you were also one of my first and closest friends. it wont always be the same but im sure if we try enough we can get pretty damn close."

"god have you always been so philosophical?"

the two burst into laughter together, smiling as they took a sip of their milkshakes, reminiscing on the times they had spent together in their earlier high school years. it was moments like these that they has missed the most.

by far the most fun together (said niki), by far the most fun theyve had in a while (said y/n) after having spent the morning together, discussing and going over whats happened in the past few hours before going to pay. "ive got it," niki said, pulling out his card. "its the least i can do."

"thank you for today. i know i was hard on you but i needed this."

"no worries, i think ive owed you for a long time now right?"

"i need to do something in here real quick. you mind waiting in the car?"

"wait are you gonna be okay? i dont wanna leave you here alone."

"im a regular here, i know the people. its fine."

"are you sure?"

"if you go ill let you have the aux."

thats all it took for niki to run straight for the car, rushing to open the door.

y/n laughed as she saw him waving from the passengers seat, before going to talk to jiwoo who was busy wiping down the counters. she took a seat at the bar and felt comfort as jiwoo flashed the same smile she always would throughout y/ns childhood.

"thats a hell of a boy youve got there. special one isnt he?"

"you could say that in the very least. hes definitely special to me though."

"thats the boy you were tellin my sister about? he aint from round here, that right?" an distinct, familiar, voice spoke from the back kitchen.

"auntie jiwon?" y/n questioned in shock.

jiwon is jiwoos sister, she also used to work at the cafe just as much as jiwoo did. had been a favoritre of the customers including the sims themselves before moving to the countryside, only popping up on occasion. jake would call jiwon auntie since she was older and it had also grown on y/n.

"thats my name isnt it?" she chuckled as y/n ran up to hug her.

"wow, i cant believe it. i havent seen you in like, 7 years!"

"been a long time right? well, im just down here for a short while before i gotta go back. just here for a weddin and thought to visit my sister at work."

"thats great auntie, too bad you arent here for longer."

"yeah, well. thats what happens when you get 3 divorces and run out of money, that right jiwoo? but, seriously, whats with that boy of yours? he dont seem to be from here."

"hes not, hes from japan, for the dance academy we all go to."

"that explains a bunch. i always knew youd be a dance. you have quite the physique for it, no?"

jiwoo interrupted jiwon from rambling on the way she always would, quickly seeing y/ns desire to leave as she has other things to tend to.

"alright well, im sure y/n has plenty of things to do as do we, so we all really should be going. its about time for the regulars to start coming in." jiwoo awkwardly laughed as she too seemingly forgot her sisters idiosyncratic personality.

"you dont want to spend time with your auntie jiwon is it? kids nowadays have no sort of respect for their elders. you could drive a preacher to drink!"

y/n awkwardly cleared her throat and put on a smile, frozen in a sort of way as auntie jiwon hadnt seemed to be the same as she was 8 years ago.

"oh im only joking now! go on then, ill just see you in another 8 years." she sighed, overexaggerating the moment.

"its not like youre her real aunt anyway." jiwoo muttered, yet jiwon heard it.

"like your supposed to be? what are you to her anyway?"

"someone whos around of course! i practically raised her and babysitted her on top of running a restaurant with my own children whenever her parents would be in office from dusk till dawn with her brother busy at school with his own life."

"i was there too you know! she would tell me things she never told you."

"she only told you things because you made her! she was scared of you!" jiwoo rolled her eyes at jiwon before quickly gesturing for y/n to go.

"what are you doing- where is she going?" "somewhere where youre not."

-

as y/n go back into the car, she slightly scared niki in the middle of a game.

"what happened in there? looked kinda tense. never seen the other lady before."

"jiwoos sister. shes kinda crazy and possessive and scary. didnt even know she came back."

"maybe we should go.. shes kinda walking towards the car so i suggest to step on the gas."

"shit- shes what??"

------------------------------------------------------

within the next few months, niki and y/n drew closer to one another like they were before.

it was only a matter of time before their unresolved feelings for one another began to surface, yet they continued to push it down with all their might, not wanting to ruin anything like before.

so here y/n was, watching some random kdrama out of boredom, completely uninterested before she received a text from niki.

nishimura ; help

sim ; with what

nishimura ; baysitinf

sim ; the fuck

nishimura ; hold - my brother just took my phone

sim ; babysitting?

nishimura ; yes pls

nishimura ; jake literally js dropped off ur sister here while my brother was having a hyper thingy

nishimura ; hes just very hyper

nishimura ; send a swat team.

sim ; i dont rlly wanna watch sarang tho😐

nishimura ; BUT ITS UR SISTER??

sim ; yea but she’s a headache i have to deal with that like every weekend

sim ; i gave her to jake so i can have a free day just for her to bounce back to me😒 sim ; i hate guys named jake

nishimura ; thats what u get for abandoning a 5 year old

sim ; then im not helping

nishimura ; that lego set i bought you arrived today

sim ; see u in 20

and so here y/n found herself driving towards nikis apartment, reminding herself to lecture her brother once they both get home.

“good thing you came otherwise i mightve actually killed myself.”

“this better be good, i dropped crash landing on you for this.”

with that, niki stepped aside to point at the kids behind him without breaking eye contact with y/n, not wanting to look inside only to furrow his brows as she tilted her head in confusion.

“is this a joke?” she scoffed.

“what are you talking about?” his jaw dropped once he saw sarang and hiro getting along together just fine, completing some puzzle together. “i swear they werent getting along and hiro was just bouncing off the walls, plus sarang was like having a meltdown about ice cream!”

y/n slightly grinned then spoke, “you look fine. they look more then fine. you don’t need my help. did you just want an excuse to see me?”

“no! i- i mean i kinda wanted to see you but that’s not why- i, ughh!”

y/n held back a small laugh at nikis frustration before she heard the two kids watching them giggle adoringly at their older siblings.

“riki has a girlfriend!” “y/n has a boyfriend!” hiro and sarang exclaimed in excitement.

“im going home.”

“absolutely not.” y/n groaned in annoyance while niki pulled her into the house by grabbing onto her shoulder.

“so.” he awkwardly started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously with the palm of his hand.

“so??”

“about yesterday.”

“what about it.”

“we’re good right?”

“of course we are.” she reassured.

just as niki was able to reply, sarang began to cry loudly, like she saw a monster in her closet or something.

“what happened?”

“i cut myself!” she cried, showing the skin between her fingers. her and hiro had been doing small arts and crafts for the past hour, so she has hurt herself with the scissors.

“just put a bandaid on and ice it.” y/n rolled her eyes, shaking her head while not even bothering to look up from her phone.

“you’re so mean y/n unnie!” sarang pouted before holding her ‘injured’ hand up to nikis face.

“what is this, the school nurse? you gotta be a more helpful sister then that.”

“i am helpful. i asked her what happened then gave her a solution.”

“but you were so mean to her.”

“im teaching her to be tough! our parents were hard on me and my brothers, so we have to be hard on her.”

“but you aren’t your parents. you’re y/n.”

“but what if i don’t want to be just y/n?”

“well, then that’s not something you can control. you’re you whether you like it or not. you gotta learn to accept life as it is. that’s what really being hard on yourself is, and that’s what it does to you.”

niki goes over to sarang to pick her up and carry her over to the kitchen. he sets her on the counter and grabs a pastel flower print bandaid before placing a small kiss onto where he placed the bandaid.

he coos at her lovingly, with him who’d always seen her as his own sister having had watching her grow up since she was born despite her not really remembering much of him.

y/n felt her heart melt as she saw how good he was with her baby sister.

she got up from her seat to go over where they were, wrapping her arms around nikis waist to envelop him with into a warm back hug, pressing her head into the space between his shoulder and neck, letting it rest there.

“mean unnie.” sarang stuck out her tongue at y/n, pushing her face away from niki as she stuck out her tongue back.

“what are you, 5?”

“no but she is.”

niki sighed before pulling away (he really didnt want to but you didnt need to know that) grabbing his car keys, and picking up his brother.

“let’s go for some ice cream.”

so here you were, sitting at the local ice cream parlor together.

niki’s face turned as he watched you absolutely devour those three scoops (scoups) of mint chip.

“i seriously dont see how you could eat that. it tastes like toothpaste.”

“why are you talking when you’re eating plain vanilla.”

“hey, sometimes basic is better!”

“well you don’t have to like mint then. ‘cause me and this kid do!” she jokingly replied, hugging said kid (hiro) while niki and sarang rolled their eyes with their vanilla cones.

“hate to be a bother, but you guys are such a cute little family. youre just like me with my kids when they were still young. and, little girl, you really have your fathers eyes.” an elder women from a table across the parlor smiled, patting y/n and niki on the shoulder as she ignored her husbands remarks “stop disturbing the little couple!”

“do we really look like a family?”

“sort of, if you really think about it.”

“okay but she had to be lying because your eyes look nothing like sarangs.”

“i mean.. if you look closely enough.”

“you aren’t even korean!”

they laughed together, for the first time in a while.

“okay, but on a serious note. what are we? are we friends, lovers, or whatever’s in between?”

“i mean.. I guess for now, in between.”

“please date y/n unnie! shes sooo lonely and boring.” sarang interrupted, tugging on nikis sleeve.

“yeah! and i want more playdates with sarang!” hiro pouted, looking up with puppy eyes at y/n.

niki laughed at the kids’ reactions, before taking y/ns hand into his.

“well, no matter what you decide, let’s see where this takes us. they seem to be up for it anyway.”

“you’re right. alright, fine. but if you fuck this up again, you realize you’re not getting another chance, right?”

“i promise i won’t hurt you again. it already cost me everything last time.”

“glad you’re aware.” she bitterly mumbled.

“so. you will date me then?”

“ill think about it.”

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: 42nd Street

Preston Fassel: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of 42nd Street Fassel: ahhh New York's 42nd Street! Fassel: [rubbing hands in delight] Just as rancidly rotten as I remember!

Fassel: 42nd st in the 70s Fassel: the greatest hive of scum and villainy on the planet Fassel: just a big bubbling cauldron of slime and sleaze Fassel: just a raw teeming itching hole of depravity Fassel: just a Ralph Bakshian pornocopia of steaming slutmuffery

Fassel: the big theaters on 42nd street show only the finest filth Fassel: like 'The Disembowling IV' and 'Monster Titties-A-Go-Go' Fassel: but you can barely see the screen for all the garbage & the junkies & possibly the bodies of dead hoboes Poe: wait is this story appropriate for dean

Koontz: stop it edgar i'm not a baby! >:C Koontz: i'm just as big as the rest of you! Barker: yeah edgar let him hear it Poe: clive don't be an instigator Poe: you know how dean gets Barker: let him hear it, he'll be fine Barker: our little man's gotta grow up sometime

Poe: i'm just concerned it might be a little much for dean Poe: is there gore in this? Fassel: oh yeah lots Poe: and drugs? Fassel: so much drugs Poe: and porn? Fassel: the most Poe: what about dead dogs? Fassel: nope Poe: no? Poe: ok never mind i guess its fine then

Fassel: so there's this projectionist and he's got a cursed snuff film King: wow! this story sounds great! John Carpenter: a cursed snuff film? i already did this story and you all hated it! King: well, now we like it Carpenter: Carpenter: son of a 

Fassel: when a man has jerked off to everything Fassel: and it seems like the world holds no more pleasures for him to jerk off to Barker: oh man, big mood Fassel: and the only solution is to make a deal with the powers beyond for a new drug Barker: oh man, BIG MOOD

Fassel: the projectionist is just absolutely obsessed with the girl in the snuff film Fassel: he would do anything for her Koontz: does he find her? do they get together? Fassel: Fassel: um Fassel: you want to know if he gets together? Koontz: yeah! Fassel: with the girl in the snuff film? Koontz: yeah! Fassel: do you know what a snuff film is, dean? Koontz: yeah! Poe: he doesn't preston Koontz: shut up! i do! i'm smart too!

[ultimatelyre]

CAPRI brothers-centric ficrec part III

but first, have some silly memes

💌 - fav $ - smut (minors DNI) !! - check tags

AUGUST centric

wrapped around his finger💌 - And just like that, Laurent made his way into their friendship, thanks to his pretty eyes and Damen’s too big heart

the gift 💌- Auguste’s world was as large as a baby’s crib and as big as those tiny eyes

chasing the light - the entire series is a delight to read

Five times august shut down damen 💌 - protective big bro august, need i say more?

Big bro breakdown - august is not homophobic (he insists)

Dont touch your brother's friends !! 💌 - i REALLY like the fucked up dynamics in this one.

Damianos' visit to Arles - everything by @mfingenius honestly

pets and princes - damen mistakes laurent to be auguste's pet and nik suffers as usual

the councils decision 💌- a minute of jokaste simping over auguste GIRL SAME

Like me !!💌- if you think you're ready for this level of angst, you arent. angst almost no comfort but hopeful ending so you've been warned. I really liked the writing and the execution of this, hurts your heart

tricks of the trade - smaurent and only FLUFF

my brother's lover !! - one in which august has an actual life out of damen and laurent (mostly i mean)

Caught 💌- laurent schemes, damen falls in love, Auguste watches & sighs

hockey players damen and auguste

fix-its! - a time of peace & counterclockwise & call for peace & heard it in a past life

Take a slice !! 💌 & its not bad - damen and august solidarity ;)

stained shirts and dance lessons - if you were wondering where the FRATboys!damen & auguste AU at, here it is

miles of distance series - things work out, they don't kill each other

i'd take every blow 💌- auguste finds out.

of soulmates books and spilled guac - soulmate AU slay tbr

and ask no leave of thee !! - fairy AU tbr

the white dove - a man who looks exactly like auguste appears after canon tbr

ive got soul - auguste wakes up ten years after marlas tbr

downsides of being an older brother & downsides of having a teenage baby brother - tbr

NICAISE centric

to be imperfect !!💌- the future shines a shade brighter because one boy learns to forgive himself, Laurent kisses the top of that curly head of hair. all of @peppermintfeather's works make you feel warm inside

and times are changing & for wisdom 💌- he grows to be the wise advisor to the kings (my favs out of this beautiful series)

To share your love 💌!! this post was not just an excuse to include this author's works lmao

the monster inside him 💌!!- contains mpreg but i was surprised into liking it

Hand in unlovable hand - nicaise is like "absolutely not" when these idiots break up and proceeds to be a king

marks of a life well lived - gotta say warrior nic is a good look

A night on the town - nicaise babysits for lamen (big bro nicaise aww)

memory - AUS in which august adopts nicaise>>, a fun read!

HR! im complaining about your boyfriend! - workplace AU

as good as - he told me i'd never be as good as you (aka f*** the regent #238)

put aside childish things - laurent letting nicaise be a child again is everything to me

safe up here with you💌 - nic gets his own love story (had be giggling and kicking my feet too fun to read)

home is where the heart is - laurent comforting nicaise aftermath

many doors and windows - damen convinces nicaise to train

red & when the bough breaks - nicaise killing the regent drabbles cause hey, merry christmas aye?

trees change in the fall - modern AU, they adopt nicaise

NIKANDROS centric

first impressions 💌- The first time he hears Laurent laugh, Nikandros thinks he has gone mad. the third time he cant help but join in

nik doesnt get paid enough for this - self explanatory

anything for you $ - fine, i'll TRY to not kill your best friend because you're my husband and ily...i guess

non, je ne regrette rien $ !!💌 - this has a poly rlnship pls give it a try its amazing<3

on friendship - he remembers seeing Laurent, and thinking quite clearly, Oh no

five times lamen caused an international incident - nik: deep sigh

this one or not at all - proposals proposals

wont thy be my neighbour 💌- "I’m in love" “........You just met him.”

safe travels !! - read tags, nikandros & laurent time

how nik came to love laurent of vere 💌

whoever gets closest - LMAO

the man drives a motorbike damen! - mother hen nik

naked, afraid and married - modern AU reality TV

MISC (some have aug/nik as main ship)

paramedic AU or would they go on aching still - nik changes his opinion of blond ppl keeping score -!! multichapter found fam vibes a call to motion - jealousy jealousyyy cultural differences cause miscommunication between lamen - short and funny

⭐ part I (popular ones) 💼part II (workplace AU)🫂part III (Auguste lives & Nicaise lives)🦾part IV (rare pairs)

and if you see your fic in this and want to be tagged lmk!

[guavagyu]

you're mine, bunny - c.sb!

oh lord do i luv some sub!soobin <3

urgh this has literally been in my drafts since 12/22/22 (i promise ive just been powering thru it for the past few days)

this was unrequested! (still send requests pls 🙏)

wc: 2,220

synopsis: after discussing sex, you discover a new side of soobin, right before you go to a party, so you're riled up the entire night. plus, it seems that soobin can't keep his eyes off you, so when you both get home, stuff happens.

contents: smut (mdni), fluff, swearing, fem!reader, VERY posessive!reader, hardcore jealousy from reader, dom!reader, mentions of alcohol consumption, sub!soobin, mentions of yeonjun (sorry jun ily!), nicknames (whore, bunny, bun, binnie), established!relationship au, non-idol!au, handjob, choking, nipple play, mirror sex, breeding kink, mommy kink, marking (m!receiving), corruption kink, slight overstimulation, brief fingering (f!receiving), tall!reader (abt same height as soob), brief cockwarming, cum eating, p in v sex, unprotected sex (this is a no!), aftercare (not rlly discussed, though), praise kink, degradation kink, lmk if there r more pls!!

"so, what has sex been for you in the past?" soobin bluntly asked out of nowhere. you two were literally just chilling on the couch watching tv,

"what do you mean?" you responded,

"like, i dunno, like..what stuff usually happened? what was involved?"

"uh, well, i usually dom i guess," you started,

"o-okay, what else?" he caught himself, his mind buzzing and heart doing flips when he heard you're a dom,

"uh, i don't really know. i can't think of anything off the top of my head, so, why don't we just start with you?" you tried to play it smooth, and it did. to be honest, you've been dying for this conversation for ages, so you wanted to learn as much as you can,

"o-oh, well um, i-i-" he stuttered, face flushing,

"soob, if you don't want to tell me it's okay, don't worry about it," you reassured him, not wanting to pressure him into doing anything he wasn’t comfortable with,

“n-no it’s ok it’s just..” soobin trailed off,

“do you want me to just give you a notepad and a pen and 10 minutes by yourself?” you chuckled, half serious,

“actually..yeah, could you do that?”

“oh? sure,” you smiled as you got up to gather the materials and headed back to soobin to hand it to him, “call me when you’re done,”

“okay, uh, maybe you should try to get ready, we gotta leave for that party in 20,”

oh shit. the party. fuck. why did soobin think this was a good topic to bring up RIGHT before a social event with your friends? you said "okay" before giving him a quick kiss and walking to your shared bedroom, sifting through your closet to look for an appropriate outfit,

"is there a theme i need to follow?" you called out,

"i don't think so. wear whatever you want," soobin responded, so whatever you want it was. after sifting for a minute or so and picking out some pieces, you finalized on a strapless black dress. you fixed your hair and decided to just leave it down for tonight, it wasn't a huge event. soon soobin walked in the room and saw you, blushing and swallowing nervously, shuffling over to the closet as well and came out in a black dress shirt and jeans, before heading to the bathroom as well and hug you from behind as you finished up, resting his head on your shoulder, "almost done?"

"yeah, just one more thing," before you grabbed a bottle of perfume, sniffed it, putting it back and choosing another one, making soobin even more nervous as you'd chosen his favorite. after a couple sprays, you kissed his cheek and said, "okay, let's go," letting him lead you to the car, before opening your door, then sitting in the driver's seat. for the whole ride, he tried to keep his focus off of how you looked, especially with your perfume filling the car. he almost gave up on heading to the party entirely when you put your hand on his thigh, while he consistently felt his pants growing tighter as time passed. he could feel himself breathe out a sigh of relief the moment you arrived, getting out of the car, and heading in. the place was bustling, the smell of booze and sweat filling your nostrils. soobin kept close to you the entire time, clearly uncomfortable with the environment you were both involuntarily dragged into. curse yeonjun. naturally, he just had to go all out for his birthday. whatever, not like you could just ditch him right now. what happened next was worse, though, as he got dragged away by yeonjun. you decided to just let him be and go get a drink. you soon got a glass of scotch on the rocks as he was soon surrounded by a bunch of extra friends..and women. women who weren't you. women who weren't you. women that were touching him, getting pretty handsy for a complete stranger. you were very well aware of how attractive he was, but you felt jealous, and very pissed at yeonjun for allowing this even though he was aware of your relationship. you felt your teeth grind at the sight of multiple women grabbing at him, feeling his chest and abdomen. his eyes were like a deer, wide and innocent, unknowing of what to do. his eyes filtered through the room, before finally meeting yours. he gulped when he saw your expression, dark and almost murderous. soobin tried to push them off, but the women were too drunk and simply wouldn't listen. the moment you snapped was when one of the girls tried to kiss him, but missing and hitting his chin. she was clearly the drunkest one, but it still infuriated you. your glass was slammed down on the table, almost breaking, as you steadily walked over to the place soobin was in. towering over the girls, they noticed your presence almost immediately, and all but the drunkest ran away,

"heyyy, what's your pro'lem? i'm jus' havin' a lil fun," she slurred, giving one of the ugliest smiles you've ever seen,

"yeah, my problem is that you're trying to have 'a lil fun' with my boyfriend, so back off or i'll fuck you up," you leaned down to her level, clearly something clicked in her head, sobering her up just a bit. she soon nodded frantically, gave a quick apology, and ran off with the rest of her group to talk about what had just happened,

"y/n i'm sorry they wouldn't leave-" he stood up, trying to explain, but you shushed him gently,

"hey, binnie it's okay, i saw everything, just stay close for the rest of the night please, i don't think i can take more people like that," you sighed, giving him a quick kiss on the nose. soobin nodded, and staying close was what he did. he also couldn't keep his eyes off you, maybe your display of jealousy did something. you always tried to keep it in check, as it had driven others away in the past, but thankfully, it seemed that soobin was actually inclined to stay because of your possessiveness. you thanked whatever god was out there for this, that you finally found someone who wasn't scared away due to your nature. seriously though, his eyes never wavered, only occasional small glances around at people were what gave him visual separation from you. fortunately, the party ended in an hour or so, with yeonjun coming up to you personally and apologizing for the incident, which you put aside your previous hard feelings and told him not to worry about it and there was a lot of things that had his attention and it just slipped past him. he thanked you and you soon left, just barely keeping under the speed limit the whole ride home, eager to get back as soon as possible so you could have soobin all to yourself. the moment the front door was closed, you threw your shoes off, let soobin take his off, and dragged him to your bedroom. you set him onto the bed, and took off his clothes while kissing his face and neck, "this okay?" you asked temporarily stopping,

"yes, mommy, please don't stop again," he gave you the green light, and you didn't take a second longer to return to your previous antics, finally stopping at his lips, making out with him for minutes on end. you took off your own clothes before straddling his lap,

"hey bunny, want me to go get that list you made earlier?" you asked, peppering kisses into his jaw,

"no, mommy, stay here, i can tell you," the sudden change on his attitude on sharing his preferences showed how desperate he was to have you stay with him, "uh..i like praise..and degradation..but praise more! i really like being marked too. maybe a little choking, i like mirrors too..i think that's it," soobin blushed, "is that okay?"

"yeah binnie, don't worry," you smiled at him, giving him a quick kiss on the forehead, "c'mere then, if you like mirrors," you gently set him on the other side of the bed, where your full body mirror stood. he swallowed, anticipating at what was to come. you kneeled on the bed behind him, wrapping your arms around his chest, pulling him close, "look bun, this good for you?" you whispered in his ear, nibbling on the shell,

"yes mommy, thank you," he leaned back to pull you into a kiss, which you happily reciprocated, his hand on your cheek, trying to get you closer than you already were, then you reached down and pulled on his nipple, making him jerk and lean into you, moaning in the process. then you snaked your arms down towards his dick, which was standing up, with a slight curve, tip red, angry, and leaking with precum, the liquid dribbling down towards his thighs. you decided to help relieve him and you took his dick in your hand, slowly pumping up and down as you put your other hand around his neck, clasping down, making him moan again

"look, bunny. look at yourself and how i make you fall apart," you let the sinful words fall out of your mouth with the sweetest tone, as his face turned to watch you pump his dick in your hand, as well as your hand tight around his throat. he could feel his mind getting fuzzier at the lack of blood and oxygen, but it only made everything else so much more sensitive. his swollen, pink lips parted as he let out strings of whines as he felt his orgasm approach. knowing this, you picked up the pace, squeezing just a bit harder as you softly bit and left hickeys all over his neck, shoulders, and back, "aren't you just a pretty whore, hm? only wanting me to please you like a pillow princess, you don't want to do any work do you? just wanna watch yourself cum? well, you're mine, bunny. your my pillow princess, and your my pretty whore, got it? nobody else can have you but me," you growled in his ear as you rubbed his tip, him finally cumming all over his legs and your hand. you held your hand up to his mouth and he licked it clean, whimpering as you continued to slowly pump his dick, shuddering as the sensitivity was overcome by pleasure. after stopping so you could switch positions, you were now in front of him, "think you got a little more in you, bunny?" you asked, tucking some stray hairs behind his ear,

"yes, mommy. can i be inside you please? i really really wanna feel you," he grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together, which you nodded and you slowly sank down on him, back to his chest, as you wanted to watch yourself in the mirror alongside him. he groaned as he bottomed out, arms wrapping around you and tugging you close. after letting him get used to you, you lifted yourself up before sinking back down, his dick twitching at how tight and warm you were. soon, he took it on his own to maintain the pace, and started off by simply rolling his hips into you, making you moan as he continuously hit your g-spot. however, he still needed more, starting to relentlessly pound into you, digging his head into your neck as he tried to muffle his moans into you, before you catching him and saying,

"hey binnie, don't do that, lemme hear my little whore's moans mk? you're doing so good, making me feel amazing bun," you said, which he nodded to, feeling his dick twitch again at the name. now, he didn't hold back, letting all of his pretty noises into the world, as well as right into your ear. soobin's moans only brought you closer to the edge, which was getting nearer as he never stopped ramming into your g-spot, making you finally cum as you grabbed one of his hands that were wrapped around you, squeezing tightly as your walls clamped down on him, making him whine as he cummed into you. after he rode out his high, along with you, he slowly pulled out, but suddenly replaced his dick with his pretty fingers, trying to keep his cum in you. you got the hint, even though he didn't tell you in the beginning that he liked breeding you. then, he led you to the bathroom to clean you both up,

"hey, y/n? y'know, i really liked how you..um..back there.." soobin suddenly got flustered, making you laugh at his behavior, kissing his nose,

"sorry if it was a little much," which he rapidly shook his head no, saying how he found it super hot and honestly wouldn't care if you had fucked him right there. once you started aimlessly chatting about random topics (as well as tonight's events), you finally cleaned up and settled down in your bed, him on top of your chest, nuzzling into the crook of your neck,

"g'night bunny, i love you," you kissed his damp hair, still not fully dry from the shower you just took, as he gave a quiet "i love you too" before you both drifted off to sleep.

---

© guavagyu 2023. all rights reserved. plagiarization, reposting, translating, and/or rewriting ANY and ALL of my works is prohibited.

[softness-and-shattering]

Finished Lady of The Lake (Witcher)

SPOILERS -- Im frustrated and confused with the ending, this isnt particularly complimentary.

And um, what the hell? Is this like a narnia afterlife situation? How did the horse end up in camelot, WHY camelot, why is Ciris future suddenly with this random knight? Why camelot? Am i supposed to be happy? I guess its independence but its not, its just a different world with different rules and politics and complications. I get that we're not doing happily ever after but like.

Kind of feels like the whole party died so the author didn't have to write endings for them. What did the unicorn even achieve, Ciri doesnt need him to travel.

Also a thing thats bothered me the whole time, why is everyone stuck on ciris theoretical future children, why is SHE not destined one? Why is everyone trying to get her pregnant at 16?? Ive never seen a story where the male protagonist has to have kids to secure a prophecy and everyones throwing wives at him. And i dont like the implication after all that that ciris gonna end up with galahad. She should be a lesbian. She cannot be the only descendant of the elder blood, and what were the elves even isolating those genes for?? What was the point of lara? There was no saving the world from politicking or future climate catastrophe.

Its already not a happy ending bc everyone is dead. It just feels like sapkowski didnt really know how to finish things? Lets just throw in some big fights ok now what let everyone noodle around uh guess Ill kill them off now ok. Ciri doesnt even get to grow up. Cahiras scary and significant and then he's just The Fighty Guy of the party, no more complexity there.

And what the fuck is with emhyr and his incest plan? Why does everyone want to fuck ciri including her father?? "The child o sore will be important" YOUR DAUGHTER IS YOUR CHILD BUCKO and then he just lets her go and didnt leave anyone with a knife for Yen and Geralt because why??

Honestly the sexual violence, the fact that every woman is always "provocative" and we always gotta mention their cleavage and fuckability, its so incredibly gross. Especially with everyone wanting to fuck or impregnate ciri. Who is confirmed to be a minor in-world.

Obviously I found the story compelling enough to keep reading multiple books but all these cool concepts just were not executed through. Just an entire book of everyone trying to fuck a child instead of literally anything else. The villain deaths werent satisfying. The protagonist deaths were cheap. I dont remember who the fuck caleb whoever was or half the people referred to in the last quarter of the book even though ive been reading these books fairly close together.

I kind of hope the show does things better but who knows with cavill leaving.

[asexuwales]

i dont know who i am

what is my identity

i like lots of things

i also dont like alot of things and i know what they all are

i appreciate some things but sometimes they dont really hit the same when i actively think about them

like shadows and such

they seem so pointless out of context

idek who im trying to be

well

im trying to be someone with a sense of self

but as a nihilist it doesnt work out too much

people say im not a nihilist because i have a job i want to do and hobbies

nihilists dont just sit around doing nothing we do get bored

but how we would love to

there isnt a point to anything

maybe were big thinkers who see too much outside of the big picture

whats the point in spending so much time earning money when it was just a system set up because we accidentally discovered fire

if you dont comply to the government in anyway the only way is jail

maybe jail is a nihilists endgame

i wouldnt mind being in jail

but other parts of me are relieved that ive finally found somewhere to belong

my insides clash i guess

growing up without a stable base or stable reliable people in my life leads me to want to find a home

but my personality wants to just give up because life is so fucking boring anyways

so why dont i give up its supposed to be the easy way out

but it really isnt

the paperwork

the possesions

the relationships

having to change my stable base again

japan has become the longest stable place ive ever had

which is crazy to think about

the longest ive ever stayed in one place is like 2 years

the dragon was 5 years but i changed house and people like every 2 years

even before i started boarding we didnt stay in a house longer than 2 years

but why do i desire a stable place to stay

was it really that awful

because i didnt notice it was awful

it was just life

idk how it would have affected me

this stupid sense of self affects every part of my life and my work

the problem i have with literally everything stems back to who am i

i really dont know who i am

its messing me up

i dont know how to find out who i am when i already know what i like and what i dont like

what am i missing

i really feel like im missing something

its not as simple as what i like and what i dont like

theres something else

that everyone else seems to have no trouble understanding

i really need help with that

but i dont know how to work around to that because everyone always stops at what i like and what i dont like

what other parts are there to me as a person

what creates a personality

INTP

im introverted i get my energy from being alone

im intuitive i activley search for new things and enjoying changing my opinion and evolving

im a thinker i make decisions logically and analyse things before i feel them

im a perciever im more random and spontaneous

but that doesnt tell me anything i dont already know

if i enjoy learning things why am i a nihilist

who do i think of myself as a nihilist if i constantly want reasons and answers

WHAT THE FUCK AM I MISSING

when i talk about my likes i dont actually like them

but when i see them i like them but i think about how i dont like them when talking about them

that doesnt include my interests

specifically naruto ive never been bored talking about naruto

what music do i like

all music music is better than no music no matter what it is

what movies do i like

dead poets society

which is crazy but its a movie about optimism

i know i dont like romance

unless i do

then i do like romance

a very specific lack of fluff but not toxic kind of romance

i wear tshirts and baggy trousers

i dont wear skinny trousers because theyre uncomfy to sit in

that's probably because they dont fir properly

but i dont have the money for properly fitting skinny trousers

they gotta have a stretch

i lie about alot of things

i paint myself as not a lier

but i really am a chronic lier

lying gives me a sense of security i think

i can control what others perceive me as

but i dont want others perceiving me

do i want control

i know people find me annoying but thats been so oversaturated in my life that i really dgaf anymore

everyone finds me annoying and theres nothing i can do about that

i like the dark

idk how to talk about things deeply

im so surface level

so why do i do therapy

i feel like i have nothing deep to talk about

because im so surface level

so why am i like this

i wish other poeple would try to understand me as much as i understand them

if im surface level why do people not understand me

maybe my worst fear is that im making all this shit to be way bigger than it actually is and that im just a normal person with some sort of victim complex

just sick and tired of life i just wanna lay down and never wake up again

i wont be losing anything when i die

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

i think we need to switch up "hear me out" cakes to be multiple cakes

and your friends' reaction decides where your pick goes. like. they do "the council has decided to hear you out" type shit, y'know?? like. not on degrees of "we agree/disagree" but on the "this is a Hear Me Out/that is a Chronically Online take/that is a You Are Not Alone pick", you feel me?? i can say more

(also heads up: all my examples here are male. bc im building off what ive seen on people's cakes and most of "the spectrum" is men; bc a LOT of people's female hear-me-outs are just "a woman who is mid 30s or older" (who may be a lil kooky, like Eda Clawthorne from "Owl House") or be a female monster-fuckery example (like the female xenomorph from "Alien"). i've never seen an in-between in one of these cakes. the only one iiiii could think of was when 10 year-old me thought itd be cute to hold hands with (in a sapphic puppy-love way) or kiss the cheek of Eliza Thornberry from "The Wild Thornberries", but even then, i dont think Eliza is that weird for me to have crushed on as a kid??? anyway. if a wlw or "im not a girl but i like girls in a sapphic way" type or even a "im horny for women in a way that is not a cishetero white man's headspace" wants to help me by thinking of female equivalences for these following categories??? ill proverbially kiss your forehead. my brain is too dead rn, im also a two-spirited person who is kinda aroace (demi-romantic and very asexual) anyway, and im too focused on "Hollywood, do better" about the lack of spectrum for women to Actually Think Of The Rare Female Characters Who Do Fit This Overall Spectrum Of Items rn)

1️⃣: the main biggie is still the "hear me out" cake

in my opinion, these are ones where the creators themselves would be shocked you liked them (eg. me when i was 11 and going all 👉👈 about the headless cockroach from "Growing Up Creepie" or, y'know what, fuck it, the number 5. not Numbuh 5 from "KND", but the literal number 5 in mathematics. give me absurdism). and i say "creators" bc there shouldnt be irl humans here; bc thats either mean bc its based on looks (stop putting Steve Carrell in there) or its "buddy?? this just killed the mood" (like irl serial killers and shit, like, "no, no, save that for your therapist, no"). so we are predominantly looking at fictional, animated (2D, CGI, comics, illustrated, etc), puppets, masked, heavy make-up, that kinda thing okay?? not just a literal irl person and their face. that just feels mean (why! have i seen!! Steve Carrell! four different times!! guys!!! he's a real person who other real people can look like, that could hurt his or someone's feelings in a big way, wtf!) plus also some absurdism (again, the number 5, but maybe also planets? like Planet X would be on par with the number 5 to me of baffling but "...y'know what? i'll hear you out. sell me on this" lmao)

but again, that's irl humans. so it can be fictional Regular Humans (they just, i guess, gotta be very heinous to be a Regular Human yet qualify for this) (eg. Chris McLean from "Total Drama Island". bc my friends heard me out during a ppt of Weird Childhood (+ Some Lifelong) Crushes i did where one slide was the "Growing Up Creepie" cockroach with snorts and snickers, but still. and then i changed slides to Chris and they screamed and did a (joking) impromptu intervention for me bc of that, even tho *i* think Chris McLean should be one of the two other cakes im about to mention. but i have been out-voted), it can be costumed actors (eg. a live-action "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle" of your choice, the Ferryman from "Annabelle Comes Home", the logo of the Quaker Oats guy, or MAYBE Moe from "The Doodlebops") where there's a spectrum of "that's a guy and his face" and enough make-up where you're like "okay, this hear me out has nothing to do with the facial features here being considered 'ugly' or unconventional"

but just: overall the Appearance Fuckery is either "has no intention of making this person/creature/thing remotely attractive" (eg. i seriously doubt the number 5 was designed to "be hot" lol) OR "they are actively trying to make this person not-hot and not-cool on purpose" (eg. the giant headless cockroach from "Growing Up Creepie", he's not supposed to be hot or cool, he's just kinda there lol but i guess you could also argue like.. idk, im thinking of how Robert Pattison did a very unattractive voice while acting as the Grey Heron of "The Boy & The Heron". like, youre not supposed to find the Heron attractive or cool or anything, i think lmao). that's the point here. at least to me

2️⃣: the other is "normal: but chronically online take" cake, it is the middle one of this trio i am pitching

in my mind, this is the category where "someone put effort to make this character seem attractive or cool or likable beyond their actions"... but they're also unconventional as a pick, it's "not a 'normie' choice" to make (no derogatory intent to "normies" btw)

so this is where we get into shit like the Green Goblin from the Toby McGuire "Spider-man" movies, specifically his robo-suit. sure, the suit may not be rom-com-attractive to look at, and, sure, he may be written sympathetically so audiences have affection for them (moreso Osborn with how they made him scared of himself and clueless to the harm he has caused, but close enough); but that robo-suit WAS made to look COOL. it was made to be liked and gotten toys and posters of, and a person having a crush on the Green Goblin in the robo-suit is a "normal: but chronically online take" in my mind. does that make sense?? bc im adding John Silver from "Treasure Planet" up there too, bc it's Disney and he was meant to be likeable (to betray Jim, yeah, but still), he was not meant to be a romantic lead, but he was drawn and characterized to be likable. that's just a fat man that's a cyborg and a little bit alien; and he's hot. he's a normal person to like, in my mind

but this category as a whole would be me vaguely Getting why some "normies" would scream "nO, YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS" at the pitch, yet also knowing all of my fellow chronic online buddies would approve of the same pitch. like, the chronically online just heard "goblin robot suit" and "anti-hero dad-figure fat cyborg pirate" be upheld as a "hear me out" and would respond like "ah, good choice, mmhm, yes" like we were discussing wine. but like. then my friends wouldve paused and gone like "....not weird enough to be a 'hear me out' tho". like?? as if it's objectively true or a Basic Bitch take? (my chronically online brethern: it's not. lmao it just is a Basic Bitch take to our niche, it's Fucking Weird outside of us)

so it's that in-between of "would be Freak Behavior to any hypothetical 'normie', but would not be to anyone chronically online". so the 1️⃣ category would be where both "normie" and the chronically online are going "pARDON??? HUH?" to the same extreme degree. but this one, 2️⃣, is where it's a more lower-level mix. like maybe some chronically online are going "hUH??" while some are going "oh, yeah, obviously"; but for the most part, this is "normies" go "HUH?" and chronically online go "this is an objectively agreed upon take, not a 'hear me out' pitch". idk, i hope that makes sense. like. maybe some more examples would help, we already discussed two, but we can do more. the two i just did were examples of "not THE most 'obviously yeah' takes for the chronically online" because i wanted to start us in on the logic of why they would count here (at least, to me) so then these next ones can be a "ooooh, yeah, i can see what you mean now", you feel me?

bc, yeah, obligatory "yes but that's obviously objective and not a 'hear me out' pitch" to Kovu from "Lion King II", yes, Nick Wilde from "Zootopia", yes, Robin Hood fox from Disney's "Robin Hood", yes, Gil from "Finding Nemo", yes, Garrus from "Mass Effect", etc, etc, again, they were made to be a romantic lead and/or made to be cool. so, to me, liking them is very normal. and, again, i get that it only is a "yes OBVIOUSLY tho" in ✨️a chronically online✨️ way. but i think most other chronically online people would agree like "yes, weird to 'normies'; but not us" and i think both the "normies" and the More Newly Chronically Online could follow the logic since we just broke down how Green Goblin's robo-suit and alien-cyborg John Silver might be More Unusual Picks but same logic of "made to be liked in some way, ergo Liking Them Like That is not actually that weird". you feel me??

like the creators of these fictional guys would go "oh!! oh, that makes sense, yeah, okay, didnt intend that but nice!" you feel me?? like the spectrum goes from "wHAT?!! ...actually, y'know what, i see it" to "odd choice, but also?? of course". am i making sense?

like you could put your unconventionally attractive people here if they dont quite fit (or fit at all, potentially) with the next cake. like, i wouldnt be mad if the the Purple Wiggle from the original "The Wiggles" group went here, y'know?? like, yes, the Purple Wiggle breaks my "please have it be animated or a puppet or a mask or have heavy make-up, so we arent just potentially arguing about facial features of an irl human (bc that's mean)" rule technically. but thats enough of a "hUH?? i mean yeah buT HUH????" that i, for one, would forgive it and let the Purple Wiggle be on this cake. because it's not about his face or appearance: it's a "hUH??" because he is a fucking Wiggle, so that's what makes him unconventional. does that make sense?? like the "....fucking way way out of left-field, but Yeah Okay" type "unconventials" rather than "well yEAH" like Milo Thatch from "Atlantis" or Roger Dearly from "101 Dalmations" who would be on the next cake (instead of this one), for me, personally)

3️⃣: and the last one (as far as i can think of it, and this one would really be a cupcake or a one-person-serving of cake bc your goal is the other two. this one shouldn't have too many people on it, so you skimp out on this cake for sure) is like the council deciding "normal: not as weird as you think, you're not alone at all" cake. not a "you're basic" tho, but that this pick is more popular with society than the person realizes it is

first of all: this is not a "punishment cake" of "nope, doesnt count". i just vote it be the smallest cake bc it will, ideally, have the least amount of people in it compared to maybe the other two. but yeah, it should be a "no, thats such a valid take, i think it should go on the 'youre not alone' cake", y'know?? like, this cake's purpose isnt to knock someone down, its to be like "omg dude i have so many tiktok thirst edits of this character to show you after this" or "there should be so many more of this guy, this has to be objectively True That This Person Is Attractive, i think we as a society just agree via osmosis, we dont need to hear you out, we need to let you into the discussions about them, let's set up a text-channel on discord about them" type of 🌈realization🌟 okay?? bc the moment anyone is mean about someone trying to be vulnerable and silly online, im rescinding my pitch for this cake. cool? cool

this is for the people who put on Stiles Stilinski from "Teen Wolf" and just... buddy, idk if you actually read the assignment. Dylan O'Brien who plays Stiles Stilinski is an attractive man, like who needs to "hear you out" on this?? im confused? let me show you how MANY MANY MANY edits and fan-art that man has, even with his head shaved. like. im not mad you picked him, he's an attractive guy, sure, why not. i just am surprised if someone maybe teased you to the point of bullying to have thought this was a "hear me out" and not a "oh, yeah, well, of course, that much is obvious". like. that's fucked up if someone made fun of you for Dylan O'Brien (or Steve Carrell since i mentioned him before. and, really, all irl people go on this cake. hell, i wouldn't be surprised if the Purple Wiggle ended up on this cake after some council deliberation and after the surprise of "The Wiggles" name-drop had calmed down). but also, like, someone bond with the two tiktokers i saw pick Dylan O'Brien and show them fanfic of Stiles and thirst edits of his role in "Teen Wolf", preferably while the said tiktokers gets to giggle with ice-cream and a cozy blanket, bc they deserve to have known about the outpour of love their pitch has had, they do not deserve mocking or hatred for their pitches, bc they didnt know what they didnt know

but also i think kind of most fictional characters who are Main Characters + Have A Romantic Interest go here, even if theyre slightly unconventionally attractive, like i said with Milo Thatch of "Atlantis" and Roger Dearly of "101 Dalmations". maybe a different group of friends would decide otherwise, but if i was in your tiktok?? "not as weird as you think" cake for sure for Milo and Roger. like. id also put some "odd choice but yeah" that are not SUPER out of left-field here, like i saw someone put on a couple of people who are Fright Actors that have gone viral. and im like "..out of left-field for sure, but part of why they went viral is bc they are conventionally attractive 9 times out of 10", you get me?? does that make sense? like i saw someone say "the grandpa from the 'Johnny Tsunami' movies" and that's out of left-field and there's no thirst edits of him (as far as im aware), but also i would say "not as weird as you think, actually"

like. the boundaries are nebulous and group-dependent, but i just think itd be fun and itd be a cool spin that also will get some comments to shut up about what is/isnt a "hear me out" cake. bc i agree some of these "hear me out" cakes dont have enough of group 1️⃣ (for me), and are instead all 2️⃣ and 3️⃣ (for! me!!); but also sometimes people just are unaware and haven't been "let into the room" to know how popular and/or objectively acceptable their pick is, and i dont wanna shame people for that lack of awareness, that's mean. instead, get excited for them like "omg i have so much to show you!" or "we NEED to talk after this video bc hard-same but nobody else is talking about it, i feel like!!" y'know??

but, yeah, that's my compromise/pitch lmao

[bcolfanfic]

what’s josie and wyatt’s relationship like? cause i’m guessing they’re close in age right?

yeah i think she’s actually the way ive written everything thus far a year older than him. and as the mollie rachel adage goes…their age gaps are whatever the headcanons call for lol so one year apart/same age- same difference.

i think she likes hanging out with him growing up. because he’ll rough house with her and play in the dirt etc etc etc. but they especially get tight after everything happens with him running away and showing back up. josie knows how much her little brother adores him, has *seen* how bent up micah has been while he’s been gone and just. a lot of big emotions, wants him to be okay. needs him to be okay for micah.

she drives through every red light when her dads call her to come to the house that night he shows up. bc he seems scared shitless of them and maybe a familiar face that isn’t a big tall man might be more helpful. which she is.

all soft and gentle crouched on the ground by where he's laying on the couch telling him that he came to the right place, her and her dads are going to make sure he's safe- but he's gotta let them help. he eventually lets her up on the couch with him and is just kinda clinging to her crying. poor thing. misses his mom terribly and obv josie isn't helen but. she's sweet and gentle and isn't a frantic grown man fretting over him so. close enough for now.

and she pulls out the egan bossy attitude to convince the ems folks to let her ride with him since they need him to be calm after all- something that ain't gonna happen if they rip away the one person he's letting touch him without a fight right now. holds his hand the whole way <3.

later down the line when wyatt is out of the hospital and staying with the bucks/micah he kinda has a new sort of closeness with josie. was friends with her before but it's different now. feels Safe falling asleep on the couch squished between her and micah. loves micah bc he's micah** his soulmate. and feels safe with josie bc she's just Good people. a real good almost sister-in-law to him.

[geodetojoy]

hihihihi o/

rng selected questions for the “weird asks” post! and i proof read them this time lmao

92, 25, 88, 28, 78

idk what’s with all the eights but *shrugs*

have fun love you lux!!

yello!!! ty for the ask hehe <333

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight, or fairy lights?

Huge fan of fairy lights, but i love me some natural light too! other two are STRONG hates lmaooo

25. first song you remember hearing?

ok i have two kinds of answers here- ones like specifically a kids song and ones not

the kids song is the mah na mah na song that i guess after looking it up came from the muppets???? idk it was in a voice box for a stuffed monkey with velcro hands that i had as a baby lmaooo

and the first like. idk radio song? normal song? that i remember ever hearing (and memorizing!) is I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz :P my mom was/is a huge fan of his so i listened to his stuff a lot as a kid!

88. your greatest wish?

ooooooo boy theres a lot to unpack here lmaoooo

ive got a lot of stuff i wanna do ofc, like make games and art to show off to the world and to (hopefully) leave a positive impact, and id love to see/meet some of my idols and ofc meet my online friends, but my greatest wish?

man, idk, is it too cliche to say i just wanna be happy? to be safe and secure at the end of the day? (thats. thats a fucking starkid lyric dear lord LMAOOO) to not have to worry about if im gonna make it to the next day, if im gonna be able to take care of myself and those im responsible for? to not worry about anything and everything at any given moment? to love and be loved? isnt that what everyone wants?

28. five songs to describe you?

OOOO THIS ONES FUN

IT MIGHT ALSO END UP SAD IM SORRY IN ADVANCE IF IT DOES LMAOOOO

Top of my School by Katherine Lynn-Rose

ok i kept picking songs from NOAHFINNCE's GROWING UP ON THE INTERNET album but i didnt want it to clog up the answer so ill just put that whole album as one of the five :P

Body Terror Song by AJJ

several songs from The Normal Album by Will Wood (same as the other one- didnt wanna clog it up)

oh god why is it only fiveeee ive got so many more. michael in the bathroom from be more chill, sweet hibiscus tea by penelope scott, pretty little things by the crane wives, little miss perfect or ordinary, fuckin, my r by Lollia, and so many more but i think for my final answer i gotta say grocery store by Cavetown. sososo many of their songs would fit but that one specifically i think is the best

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

well. ok. heres the thing.

i like neither of those products.

BUT

the singular time ive ever enjoyed coffee was indeed from a gas station, so that one wins

THIS WAS SO FUN AS ALWAYS TYSM MADSSSS IMMA DO THE OTEHR ONE THEN HEAD TO YOUR INBOX o7

[fukia]

GUYS ;;;;; when I was little I was head over heels for Pharaoh Atem and still am ;;; I just remixed the two old designs I made for my childhood OC Queen 😭😭😭😭

I spent hours with GPT recapping and refining my devastating, resurrecting limerence. Look on ye mighty and despair! 😭😭😭

Snake Queenie here began as princess of Upper (or Lower Egypt (just whichever region was ruled by another pharaoh besides Atem), growing up w/ Thief as friend - maybe more - in an Aladdin-esque childhood. Thief disappears. Her Pharaoh dad has no clue of thief nor that lil village, assumes random bandits - years later, “anyway, wanna marry that lil King Atem down the street lol?” She goes, “ruling will be me job so yeah ok sounds cool”

-something something “my god my heart beats faster, and my mind is racing yada yada - 🎶 THIS MAN IS DEAD HE IS NO MORE 🎵 - surprise! Lil Aladdin Thief Yami Bakura boy is a young man and alive! Cue tears and whatever; who would she choose? the Sigma or the Alpha 😳😳😳

Later that nite, she sneaks out to meet prickly British man and he says, “run away with me!” She goes “nah ive invested too heavily in Crypt-o’ (the Sphinx),” he has outburst, “but this other pharaoh killed me home village at the very outer edge of your kingdom’s jurisdiction or something!!” She’s like backing away as he’s losing his shit “r u gonna cancel the pharaoh??,” then he’s found by her own servants and he gotta dash- later she’s like “oh age-wise those allegations dont make sense, guess I’ll find him next time and let him down easy lol”

- [a few days afterwards]

“Yo fiancee I killed some loony thief with a big smile, plz stay inside more I’m scared 4 you”

Oh dear that’s her loving childhood incel- “that’s cool thanks my g.” (Cue a year of sadness in secret but at least a loving new hubby)

“Tell me about Kul Elna,” she asks him,

“What’s kul elna?”

“Check out deez epic Kool-el NUTS haha gottem more like gAtem!

My dear, a village of personal import to me was ransacked a decade ago by who knows what, I need closure.”

“Ok”

- truth found , considering finding a way of communicating with Thief beyond the physical realm to help everyone move on, but job gets in the way

“I feel like sacrificing myself today to zorc. Stay put plz, don’t die.”

“Ok” (actually runs off to help protect her old kingdom from zorc fragments and die like a boss w/ discarded millennium item material)

[Thousands of Years Time Skip]

Yugi: What? What is it?

*yami and yugi have a flashback*

Yami: I think…

I think I miss my wife.

I ain’t even gonna color any of this, let me just dump dump dump my agony and mad ramblings — by the Gods I must scream into the void

[clutchpowers]

Sooooo... i wanted to stick this little rambly thing at the bottom of the redraw but it would have made it look UGLY so im doing this separately... just wanna talk about the whole thing and What Not.

TLDR: its been a slash positive ride thats been worth it to try "something new" every year and my favorite piece out of all of them is the 9th. also for the curious heres the comparison of the 5th anni piece to the recent one (2018 -> 2023)

anyway. personal post time.

oh where to begin *rocks on my rocking chair* i guess it would be with the 5th anniversary piece...at the time it had been a long while since i did lineless art and i thought it would be cool to try it again for that one so i did by redrawing an old piece from 2014... that was the first "finished piece" i made of Them. i think i even made it into a wallpaper for myself lmao. anyway after i posted it i was like "aw man i should draw something every year until the 10th" but i thought yeah right. im going to forget next year like the idiot i am. but i Some How managed to do one every year... th worms got me... i honestly didnt think id make it all the way to the 10th but i did!! AND WITHOUT MISSING A DAY EXCEPT FOR THE 7TH WHERE I WAS A WEEK LATE???? UNREAL especially when fun fact! every year i had no idea what i wanted to do! all i knew for sure is that i wanted each piece to be out of my comfot zone to push me to do something a little different. unfortunately the subjects tm where always the same so it feels a little. samey. but these are my celebratory posts I GET TO ONLY POST ABOUT THE OTP SUPER BLORBOS OF ALL TIME

the 6th anniversary was a redraw of that one scene. you know the one. the helicopter one. fucking hate that scene btw it actually causes me psychic damage i cant watch with the audio or ill scream. but it is my favorite scene of mine despite all the horrors it causes <3 and i wanted to redraw it as if it was a cartoon... like i had taken screencaps from the lcu cartoon in my head. i still remember the backgrounds being such a pain in the ass. honestly id like to go back and redo this one one day too or do something similar to the concept because its a fun one that i always saw done growing up and i wanted to try it myself.

for the 7th anniversary you can see the turn.. no more humans... return to lego... i was getting a little more confident in drawing them in the lego form so i did another redraw this time with the ending!! honestly i still like this one and how it looks even with how late it was but i wanted to test my confidence and do a real True and Finished piece with COLORED LINES and EVERYTHING!!!!! im glad i ended up taking the turn because for the LONGEST TIME i wanted to try and draw them as lego so bad because all i did was draw them as humans and its funny because now its the exact opposite. glad this piece was kinda the solidification in my head that yeah okay im a bit better at drawing the stylized lego toy now i can keep drawing them like this without feeling like im going to want to delete this in 2 weeks.

the 8th anniversary one is so weird. somewhere toward the beginning of the year it got into my head that i wanted to do a comic of them but time/school would have gotten in the way so i ended up opting for a page. another redraw of the ending scene which honestly out of all of them this is my least favorite one and its solely because its all so off. i def could have formated it better so the background shot doesnt take up the entire fucking page but then again im not a comic guy and this was my first time so the layout was bound to look HORRID but this is something id like to come back to ive had the idea of making like a genuine short comic about them since FOREVER and now that im a bit more experienced (lying) i would like to make one day!!!! just gotta stop getting caught up in my scripts!! and going in circles!! Because im obviously not a writer and i keep getting first-hand embarrassment from these!! but ill get over it one day lol.

OH THE 9TH ANNIVERSARY PIECE MY BELOVED. ONE OF MY FAVORITE PIECES ACTUALLY i love this stupid thing so much you have no idea.i know its re-using lineless but i just loved the idea of what it would look like lineless AND IT CAME OUT SO PERFECT I LOVE IT SO MUCH obv it needs a few touch-ups so the main issues dont stand out to me but god. i love this piece so much. idk what came out of me to make this but its so good ill never get over it. and the little lego them as a cake topper ITS JUST SO CUTE I DONT HAVE MUCH TO SAY OTHER THAN I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SORRY

finally. the 10th anniversary piece. oh my god. okay. i need everyone to understand this. i had woken up with this fucking Unbearable pounding headache that was trying to kill me. my body the entire day wanted me to stop and lie down, but last night i was already done with a good chunk of it and all i had to do that day was finish some lines and the coloring?? i literally don't remember all i remember is my body actively trying to shut down and force me to stop and sleep which i took a nap? didnt help. so i said fuck it im finishing this. i was. an entire goddamn corpse arched over my laptop. i was so delirious the entire time its a fucking miracle it even came out as good as it did but honestly. i still hate how it fucking looks. like you can TELL when i gave up (the shading) and it sticks out like a sore fucking thumb to me and it pisses me off because i knew i could have done so much better if i wasnt being stricken down by gods hand and his every attempt to get me to rest. idk like im generally proud ot it, with this one i wanted to go out with a bang tm so i tried to draw every important and relevant character instead of ALL of them like I was originally planning LMAO but ah well. maybe one day when im faster at drawing. this one i defiantly wanna go back and touch up but i everytime i open the file i can see 40 more things wrong with it and it drives me nuts. so ill just have to wait for when im ready. i guess.

can i just say though. the improvement is crazy. it always catches me off guard because tbh i uh. dont like my own art. im getting better at not fucking hating it because i can pinpoint everything wrong with it but whenever i see the side by sides it always surprises me. i always dont think im improving but then i see it and its like wow i really am getting better! i still suck at 3000 things but im getting better! and its overall just a nice thing to see after having drawn them for as long as i have... the power of the worms is strong and has ruined my brain...... speaking of i know ive said a few times that i fucking hate certain pieces, not just LCU related ones but almost anything i post, but if you love them and are able to look at them with a twinkle in your eye then thank you. genuinely. i honestly love looking over the tags of people exploding and saying nice things. it warms my cold little heart and im glad there are people out there that genuinely love some of the things what i do! even if its just fanart and its just their blorbo. thank you for sticking around even tho all i do is draw my otp super blorbos :'^) this game means the world to me and im glad like more than 2 people wanna spread it around.

to wrap back around to the anniversary stuff and speaking of big love to the people out there THE FREAKING EPIC ZINE i was just a small thing but it came out amazing even for how small it was thank you to the contributors and thank you to everyone whos downloaded it!! its still getting the occasional and i love getting the notif in my email about it. i love that there are still people out there who wanna see it and all the hard work everyone put into it to celebrate the games 10th just thank you again i really does mean alot to me ALSO IF YOU HAVENT CHECKED IT OUT PLEASE DO IT IS 100% WORK YOUR TIME AND ITS DIGITAL WITH PRINT AT HOME STICKERS AND YOU CAN KEEP IT AND LOOK AT IT FOREVER

uh to end this off....would I like to do this again..... I mean I kinda am? by that i mean ill do the big numbers (15, 20, 25, 30, 40, etc) till the day i freaking die!!!! but yeah no countdown stuff ever again!!!!! sorry :^( it was super fun to do though!!!! and im glad i did it that piece is the conclusion to the whole thing but that doesnt mean ill stop drawing them. duh. theyre my characters now! but heres to many more anniversaries and to hopefully another game! or to just see them again in any other lego media! or even better... a mischaracterized cameo in ninjago!