#but i got?? used to it irl?? so now theres a time limit for how long i can talk abt things before i feel annoying

[preposterousjams]

Girlhood and Cassandra Cain: a messy analysis

I love how through Batgirl (2000) we just see Cass learn to be a semi-functioning "normal" girl and how she slowly goes from a life centred around justice and violence to a girl with so much wonder in her heart

Like girl starts out only knowing that she can be one thing: A good fighter. So obviously, to her, her own life outside of that means nothing if its non existent.

And at the same time, she doesn't really know what being a "regular person" means. She's had 2 identities: Weapon and Batgirl. In between both she was just surviving and it probably sucked rlly bad. She used to not picture a life outside of Cain, and now she cant picture a life outside of Batgirl. She literally has met like a total of 30 ppl in her life and talked to like 4.

But even with her very limited idea of normal social interactions she is unafraid of trying to show ppl love. She sees through their body language that the opposite of pain is love. But that kind of love requires an interaction outside of fighting.

She can't understand english much at the beginning but her initial drive to learn is not to be a better detective or batgirl related, its her love for people. For them to be happy. Its like a way of being useful.

But when others treat her in the same way, when others show her affection, she wants so bad to experience those connections over and over again. Mutual loving relationships are a new experience to her and she can't get enough of it.

She needs help on a case so what does she do? She breaks into Stephanie's room after meeting her like a single time because who knocks anyways?

wdym its not normal to knock ppl out when they're annoying? Like its convenient so y not?

She quickly makes her first friends but doesn't really know how to act or communicate but still manages to joke around in her own way. But they're happy, and she's happy, so it works.

She even watches crime shows and reality tv like guides on how to interact with people on missions and irl.

But gradually, all these small interactions let her become a person, for her to share small things about herself with others. Relationships let her be someone. Sharing thoughts, having conversations, working together, and anything that involves the small human pleasure of company become things she looks forward to.

And little by little, she starts doing things for herself. Like bro runs around Gotham, night into morning, holding onto a rose because its something thats hers and its pretty but she doesn't even know how plants work, but she's got the spirit. (yes ik that the rose is a randomly placed metaphor for cass having a bad work life balance but its so cute)

She starts going outside as a normal person instead of only for missions. She does normal girl things like going to restaurants but kind of not really cause wtf is a balanced diet.

Being able to share something about herself with someone and to sit in a mutual understanding of each other becomes easy. She lets herself be open to change and finds herself looking forward to living.

Wanting something for herself and being her own person is such a foreign concept to how she was raised but she loves it.

She experiments with everything to see what feels right. She starts flirting with boys, going to parties, dressing up in different styles of fashion. She wants to experience everything that girls do

She also learns that being a girl is different from what the other bats experience

Which sucks especially when she can read people's body language. As batgirl, in her scary ass outfit she was only terrifying and strong. But as a normal girl, people sometimes objectify her which has to be the oddest experience when u could kill someone with the blink of an eye.

Even her new father and brother see her differently than she sees them. Theres a weird social thing that comes with "girlness" that she doesn't understand, where girl things are supposed to be weak and have to be protected. But logically, shes like, yall gotta be protected from me be so forreal.

She dont gaf. Shes got bigger things to be ashamed about and being a girl is not one of them.

As she experiences the downsides of girlhood, she learns of the social expectations that come along. And instead of playing along blindly, she uses them to mess with ppl (and bruce). Cass understands more than anyone that social expectations and behaviours are just created performances that bring ppl together. So she chooses the ones she likes and completely rejects what she doesn't like.

and in the end she picks girly things like bold lipstick, fancy dresses, fashion, because she loves pretty things not because its whats expected. Social norms are like toys she can play with and put aside when they aren't fun.

Like she'll still get into a bar fight after eating the entire menu cause she can. Anyways ted talk over

[my-lunaberg]

Ive accidentally reached the post limit so Ive basically been doing my liveblog in my notes app, i wrote all of this while watching the February 4th 2022 vod

Oughhhhhhhh the way Sams literally begging

Oh the "present" is gonna be a clock isnt it

Oh nvm its a cake, which is just. so evil man, cakes have terrible saturation but Sam doesnt have anything else so ofc hes gonna be grateful even though its shit

Actually, now that I think about it, I think I was definitely wrong about Dreams manipulation tactics changing with his goals. Like, i still dont think he wants to work with Sam or be 'friends' with him like with Tommy during the exile arc, but he is still doing the thing of breaking people down and then building them up with a fascimile of kindness so that theyll listen to him

Im assuming the time passed irl is the same as the time passed in-universe which means that Sam has been alone in the prison for 4 days but Dream is a lying motherfucker whos telling him that its only been one day

Okay now hes saying its been 2 days but hes still lying

HE DID GET HIM A CLOCK IM GONNA LOSE IT

Okay he wants to compare hkmself and Sam, Im very curious bc this will hopefully grant us some insight into how Dream like, actually percieves himself and his actions

Okay, two things:

1. Dream being like "[the evil bunker full of everyones sentimental items] was just theater" has some serious Wilbur vibes ngl

2. Dream is sooooooo obsessed with Tommy istg

Dream is asking Sam what bad things hes done aside from manipulate Tommy and be dramatic and Sam is like "uhhhhh idk tbh......" as though Dream isnt the guy responsible for Lmanberg blowing up thrice

Sam is basically asking Dream if the things Dream did were wrong/bad and its like, you cant do that, you cant cushion your opinions on someones bad action in this kind of insecurity, especially if youre talking to someone known to be manipulative!!

Ouhhghhh the way Dream can basically make up anything he wants about Tommys time in exile because barely anyone, but esepcially not Sam, visited him

"How was it my fault that Tommy was exiled" I dont even have anything to say, Im just kinda enamoured by the realization of how little people other than Tommy and maybe Wilbur actually know about the exile

Dream just mentioned the Egg and 1. I had already basically completely forgotten about that and 2. The timeline of Drea involvement with the Egg is like, he briefly checked on it back when everything was still kinda kicking of, didnt worry about it for weeks or even months and then he was in jail for a year and he basically completely missed all of the Egg Lore like damn, I hope Punz properly explained all that bullshit to him lol

God, Im projecting so hard rn but Dream weaponizing his own genuine suffering in order get what he wants which also shields him from having to confront the ways it was made him suffer and how it actually affected him is so relatable

Ive been spoiled so I know theyre gonna try and make c!Dream more sympathetic later on and i know a lot of people really hate that and honestly, I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that he didnt get his own POV/only got it very late which gives people less opportunity to sympathize or empathize with him and also really dehumanizes him. Idk this is kinda complex and I'll probably make a seperate post about it

Im going to lose my mind, Dreams monologue about how everyone is the hero in their own story and a villain in many others literally sounds like a thesis statement, like if the Dream SMP had a kids show-esque "message" like so many people inexplicably want it to, it would be this more than literally anything else

OHHHHHHHH the double meaning of Dream telling Sam that he built the prison for him. mwah, perfection

"Dream said he wouldnt lock anyone up in the prison" WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN TRUST HIM

Ooooooooooo Sam grouping himself in with Dream..........

HES TAKING SAM OUT OF THE PRISON

Hes giving Dream full access to the prison theres no way this could possibly go well

Sam as the users manual for the prison vs Dream as the revival book...........

👁👁 HES KILLING SAM??

SAMS DEAD VOD OVER

[awellboiledicicle]

I saw one of your Tensura headcanons from your post, so for a headcanon monster: how about slimes? Or maybe you could do a (personal) headcanon of Rimuru Tempest?

Can you be more specific? Or do you just want hc about slimes in general?

Because in general, i feel like they're kinda like what would happen if a slime mold decided to be a glob instead of spreading out. As such, sentience in the same way we view it is rare--though it canonically happens enough that no one is.. well they ARE surprised, but mostly that one did something with it other than going "i will now eat everything". Because when your whole body is technically your brain while also being your stomach, you have some limited options on what you think about at lower power levels. Which is partially why Rimuru is kind of scoffed at. At best, absolute best, a sentient slime would probably consume, divide, repeat, until eaten by something else. They're considered a food in some cases by other monsters-- so a slime being in charge is wild. It'd be like if you had a marimo ball as mayor, as far as most people are concerned.

That said, slimes are probably just as unknowable odd as molds and fungi irl. So, given enough time and magicules, you could probably get one able to communicate with other monsters or humans [if panic doesn't happen], and eventually it wouldn't surprise me if one kinda like rimuru happened. Not the power level, naturally, but one that's had nothing to do but soak up magicules and grow? Just building a super dense body that sparks a Thought? Totally possible. And assuming it doesn't go mad with realization of the fact it's now sentient and alone, i could see it having similar issues being taken seriously. Which is interesting because i imagine Tempest would be the only place, initially, where they'd be able to live. Because its possible Rimuru could have just been a naturally sentient slime that spawned from Valdora's magicules and slowly developed a personality. But because his reincarnation thing plopped his personality into a body that is 100% brain cells technically, he's rolling at hyper speed. And i highly doubt Rimuru would be unaware of this-- he's him, looking into what's known about slimes is a thing he'd do. Partially to know about himself and partially just in case theres some that'd like to be part of the party. Also because he's had bits chopped off and he'd want to know if those could accidentally become people if he didn't absorb them. He took biology in school, for all he knows his clone trick could = mitosis.

I'm rambling. My point was that Rimuru would be down to vaguely adopt any sentient slimes that wandered/spawned in Tempest due to magicule levels, provided that they were chill. Just because i like the idea of him doubling down on the teaching thing, while also getting a better read on just how strong a basic slime can actually be. Helps him bullshit that he's a normal slime when he knows how much power he can actually use. Also bc i like the mental image of him having this family of slimes that attached to him emotionally because him naming them/mentally communicating with them let them become more than their desire to Consume. Just so he's got some slime family.

Main Rimuru headcanon re: being a slime is largely that he keeps having... weird urges. Like, he was born with his human personality from the jump, so he never really got to just go "as a slime, this means i'm hungry, this means i need moisture" in context of his new body. Another reason he looks into slimes, really. Because sure he'll have a drink or food--he doesn't technically need it in the same way--but its not... "i'm thirsty/hungry" it's "i need to consume". Because his mass increases, decreases, and alters based on what he's doing with it-- the density of his ball form is higher than his Shizu-like form, for example, and he's more likely to want to consume in that form. Because in ball form he can just vibe until something takes some material off. So he gets weird urges to engulf things he already analyzed, for example. Or he'll look at a deer thing and wanna go blob on it, but the human part of him says no. I also imagine a lot of things get stuck to him that he has to wash off, when in ball form. Because while he's not intrinsically sticky, things are and its not like he'd care if its like. dust or a leaf, until it got gross to feel. Ranga has shed on this poor man so much. Most the time he can just absorb it, but when he's feeling particularly gross he just lives in a nice warm tub for a while. I also think he's probably had the urge to divide at some point, like after a huge festival meal and biologically his body went "oh, we're large enough to become smaller" and he sat there not knowing what that feeling was because he'd never ran through the slime paces properly. I think he'd ask Great Sage wtf the feeling was and then have a Crisis about it before going "no thank you body, i have a country to run i do NOT have time to be a dad" and just. treats the urge with the sort of beleaguered annoyance as someone having their period. "This again? I said no-" I feel like he'd only divide if he knew 1000% for certain it'd not just be a 1:1 clone of himself and its own person. Because he can handle other things, but he's read and watched enough things to know one of them would be an evil twin and he doesn't want it to be him. Or fight himself because he knows himself. He also doesn't know if fully dividing--not just making a dummy clone--would copy his skills. It's one thing to be a weapon of mass destruction, its another to purposely make one whenever you've eaten too much bbq. That said i think this means he's just. Gathering mass. So if you weighed him it'd be.. surprising. He's just sitting here becoming denser than a poorly made poundcake and Shion yeeting him in ball form could be a valid way to breech a castle wall.

[obeymematches]

AAA, hi I'm that first anon ( /w\)

I'm glad you're doing well ❤️ Thank you so much for the content you're making. I've been kinda losing interest in Obey Me but I'd like to request a match-up, maybe it'll help me rekindle my love for the game.

So, hmm. I'm 18 and a bit of a short gal, 4' 11 since I last checked (aaaa, Asian genes. But hey, cute size difference).

I'm an INFP-T, so I kinda suck at socialising hahah. But I make up for it by showing a cheery exterior. It always feels good to leave a good impression.

I usually like to try keeping a soft image, but will also be a loud memelord if I ever get comfortable enough.

I'm about to study HUMSS next school year, dreaming of becoming an arts teacher or prof, if I can manage. But I struggle with anxiety, which kinda clashes with my dream career, since a teacher requires confidence ,w,)

I tend to put others' needs before myself, I always want to make sure my friends are happy. The world is... horrible, so I really try my best to ensure they're smiling. It just gives me good serotonin if I know I made them feel happier.

My brain is horrible at keeping stuff, meaning I'm really forgetful. And oof, not really the smartest tool in the shed. No thoughts, head empty. Only love and escapism✌️😔 My dumbass brain is another thing that clashes with my dream job.

I like drawing, listening to music (distracts me from bad thoughts), video games (my most favs are rpgs and open world), horror stuffs, and crying whenever I see frogs and dogs. I also like plants. Ohh, and shiny rocks, heck yea.

Tho, I'm not really taking care of any at the moment, but I dream of having my own garden. I love the cottagecore aesthetic.

A thing I should add I guess is that I used to be a total weeb, so my behaviour and speech is heavily influenced. I'd sometimes casually drop a 'hai?', 'nani', 'nande kore' and etc. in convos. Kinda makes me cringe, but dang I can't stop.

Even if I don't enjoy watching anime as much as before, I do like anime movies. All ghibli films, Kimi no Nawa, Weathering with You and A Silent Voice are my favs.

I just love the soundtracks so much qoq

My worse flaws are I'm hella sensitive, a huge procrastinator, childish, and easily jealous.

But despite me being a lazy dumbass, if I put my mind into something, I will not stop until I finish the thing. Which means I also tend to overwork myself.

I know it's unhealthy but it really keeps me motivated, aaa-

I also seem to like acting as if I know a lot? I mean, I come across as that but my real intention is I just thought to share my knowledge of the subject.

I just say a lot of stuff because I tend to blabber and jumble my words.

I guess my love language is words of affirmation. Compliments, I love you's, heart memes, cheesy pick up lines that my sleep-deprived self thought of at 4am- all of em!

These are the weapons I torture my friends with o(○｀ω´○)9

But ahh, the thing is I've never dated anyone before. I find it so difficult to fall for someone irl, or even gain crushes. Mostly fictional. So I have absolutely no experience in the dating business.

Something to do with my self esteem and trust issues, ekk-

Oof, that's long. I hope that's not too much. Again, thank you so much if you happen to get to write this. Take your time, hun ^w^ ❤️💕 AAAA, and congratulations on reaching 100 followers!

----------

Hi! 

Noooooo i’m so sorry it took me so much time to write this ;; I hope you like the result though! thank you for your patience!!  💕 💕 💕 

I decided to match you with Mammon! 

Here is why: 

Okay so obviously there is a bit of a height difference, I mean he is not even near to being the tallest but thats exactly why he thinks you are the best height - it makes him feel taller and that is good for his confidence. 

Mammon is known for going out and socializing a lot - even if more often than not he ends up in some kind of unusual situation. He is good at taking the initiative in case you have trouble. Just don’t always follow through his ideas he suggests to bond, because most of the time it will end up getting both of you in trouble. I mean it’s not like Lucifer would punish you too badly because of something stupid Mammon got you to do (besides you having to listen to a lecture about why the thing you two did was dumb), but poor friend of yours is not so lucky.  :(

  I like to think of him as a positive, rather optimistic, maybe naive person but I think your cheerful attitude goes well with that. I mean think about the aura you two would spread! 

He would definitely be surprised to learn about your loud memelord side, but that would fascinate him so much because you can open up to him sooner than to his brothers and that also makes him more proud to be with you! I think that would also help him grow some real deep feelings for you

 I think you’d be a great influence on him to help motivating him to put some more energy into his education. Although the only reason he would care more about that is the study times he can have with you, and it is up to you to decide if those sessions are actually studying together (read: you tutoring him and him staring at you in awe when you don’t look but can’t grasp the material) or if there’s an attempt but a couple minutes later he is talking about how to earn money fast and both of you try said method.

Helping him study sometimes would definitely help your self-esteem! I think he can come off as rather confident, so hanging around with people like him would definitely boost your confidence!

I think he would literally melt if someone put his well-being before themselves. Theres no going back now he is lovesick. I mean just think about all the times his brothers make fun of him. 

 I’m prettysure he is the best at making people laugh! He has no care in the world even if he has to do something dangerously dumb to make you smile!! 

He can be rather forgetful too so thats something the both of you have to work on if possible, but relationshipwise that should not cause conflicts. Sure he might forget about some stuff but it’s never your bday or a date with you because both of you are in love. 

I think he can try your hobbies to impress you or just to have another topic to talk about, but he will probably never be the best at drawing. I think the amount of music you listen to would drastically decrease as he is very good at occupying your mind - with positive thoughts! 

It is confirmed that he alsp enjoys videogames and he is good at them, so thats something you two can do together when you don’t really feel like going out. 

If you show him horror movies he will scream and will not be able to sleep well for 2 weeks but he is going to deny that with his life so good luck! 

 I think he would find it cute that you like frogs and rocks and stuff, he might tease you a bit about it at first but if he sees a frog on sale he will spend his money to give you a surprise frog! it will probably be some live magical frog (either poisonous or some weird demon magic frog that will have everyone in the house of lamentation end up in a comedic situation). So that was the last time he got you something he has no idea about without asking you first.  

Oh he would definitely tease you a lot about your vocabulary, but Levi would catch on you because you might not actually be a normie... And thats how Mammon gets too jealous to ever tease you again about something like that - how can he allow Levi to hang out with you :( 

And that brings us to both of you being easily jealous. In some cases that might end in conflicts because one person gets annoyed but in this particular case you just need to have a conversation about it. Set some boundaries both of you are okay with, and no issue! 

I think to make sure your time alone with Levi is more limited he would totally watch anime movies with you! 

He definitely adores your determination! If you ever ask him what he likes about you, he will probably mention this as one trait.

 Hmmm as I elaborated before, you knowing more stuff about things will probably prevent situations that would be caused by Mammon not being informed about some stuff.

Okay so he is definitely one who sends you memes at ungodly hours and you can’t stop him. He is awake, lying in bed, too in love to do anything besides think about you and smile and face the issues of being the local tsundere. And then you send him a meme full of love and he can not fall asleep for the rest of the night, feeling butterflies and imagining soft things with you like he did with nobody else before. 

Okay so I’m not sure about his dating experience, but as far as a know he doesn’t really have much either? in that case both of you could explore this new feeling together! 

So in conclusion this boy is very much in love and he can only hope that you feel the same. Both of you are a good influence o the other and that helps the two of you to grow together. He might have slightly more experience but that’s okay. I see no conflicts here, maybe the only exception being the fact that he can be rude towards you and you are sensitive, but he is quick to stop being rude once he sees why he is so wrong. And that will be the best decision of his life so far because not long after that he is very much in love for the first time in forever. Both of you are loyal to the other and jealousy means no issue. Well, after some conversation, that is. Both of you experience life together and theres always something to do, to see! 

[katedoesntexist]

Stay-at-home journal 2/20/21

Yesterday:

Worked

Listened to some music clips from a friend

Potato dinner

Explored more layers of fear

Went to bed relatively early

Today:

Piano?

Maybe movie?

Watch friends play the medium

Free space:

I rly dont know what to do today but its sunny and i dont feel pressured with obligations. Things to be thankful for.

I looked into daws again last night and i rly might by fl studio. I like that their free trial doesnt have a time limit, but it scares me to just keep it open bc it has crashed before.

Played more lof and rly got the first room of lvl 5 down. Wrote my findings in my notebook. Contemplated buying more notebooks. Got annoyed i cant go to dollar tree safely. Anyway, i also visited the speedrun site again and it looks like there have been some developments. Lots of new wr since i last checked, which im like dang im rly never going to be good enough. But on the other hand im pleased ppl like the game still. I also found out theres a discord. Im not rly big on discord but im thinking of joining it. Id like to be part of the community.

The only thing is how freaking unsocial i am. Everyone even the most introverted ppl i know are like dying to see people and go to parties and have get togethers. But here i am, not only do i not want/need to see ppl (except like 3 specific individuals), i don't even want to rly socialize online. I havent touched twitter in months and that used to be my home. And now im like dragging my feet abt this discord thing bc im like inconvenienced abt talking to ppl? Im not scared or anxious. I just feel like i dont want to be burdened. So i guess who's the true introvert? Its me. Im concerned that i should be concerned, and whats most concerning is that i dont feel at all concerned.

So anyway, my irl friend group is going to play the medium. Theyve been doing a thing where on saturdays they get on discord and watch my partner play a game. Among others they've done tlou2, demons souls, and before covid they did death stranding. So im excited theyre even wanting to play the medium, usually things im interested in dont get a lot of mainstream traction. But i prob wont get on discord bc theyre gonna be talking over the game. I rly wish discord had video/chat in one window. Huge failing to not have it imo. So ill prob sit in the living room and watch on the projector while he plays.

[sikereviewdotcom]

strawberry shortcake s2 ep1 - horse of a different color

this one was suggested by someone who couldnt keep their mouth shut and not sing the strawberry shortcake intro theme in the middle of our economy class

no one wanted to hear that, but they  went ahead and then i actually followed up on that train of thoughts i remembered about the fucking cartoons and i knew it pronto: its a must-see shit its like slightly above the level of magical school bus series, but the final rating is for the fin not the beginning so lets begin this horseshit:

were reviewing “horse of a different color”, it focuses indeed on strawberrys horse, honey pie pony (its her entire damn name, how sweet right? like all of them, i got diabete from this review but its the cost of maintaining this blog anyway, the kids are playing together on a that tree having fun jumping around like chimpanzees hooba hooba but sadly our filly quickly realizes she cant play king kong with them and keep falling on her ass,

yet since theyre all retarded or young (id say its a fifty-fifty case for them kinda normal ig, i mean they ARE literal 6yo) they try several ways of getting her up on that tree, not thinking how to get her down if they ever were to succeed (good for them: aint happening) its child labor too btw, from an horse still same deal what if honey pie fell down on them? crushing them corpses with her mighty pounds? the findus company would be delighted to hear such news, im sure its some quality (sweet ass) horse meat

once it all fails she understands a horse isnt meant to climb a tree, too big too fat its four legged, not even entertaining the relationship giraffes have with trees

but it aint over, then (after a talk with herself) hp hears the laughters of a bunch of kids which catches her attention, it always does who can ignore that sorta noise? although she aint annoyed by it shes just into the idea of riding a bike now, shes even gonna get a go at it oh yea thats it we finally found her human hobby gogdamn shes a backward furry

of course it fails aswell since she has no hand for the handle and shes heavy so i guess its the reason why she rides into w/e and cant stop? because otherwise she couldve also just.. actually it makes no sense does it? i mean she couldve easily stopped the ride actually how is that kid bike even holding her? ive never tried putting a pony on a bike for 6 y/o but i doubt about its capacity in not being crushed aswell as i doubt in the kids bones not being severely damaged after a visit under honey pies horsy buttcheeks

but all of that really makes her sad: she cant play with her human friends and shes the only horse around strawberry land or whatever see me tearing it for her, theres so much emotions in this episode especially after that filly trynna get kids to get into some horseplay horseshit like dude theyre only 6, lets go easy on them, might have a problem with the parents of the kids watching this episode no one even thought how fucked up this one part is? sure horseplay isnt only sexual or w/e but it still is the visual of 6yos on all four jumping around and neighing together with their ass a little bit too exposed wow im going on a dangerous road here? aint i? not gonna sue the writers im sure it was their subconscious speaking probably got issues from their childhood, eventually got them sorted out since 2004 what do i know? aside from me not caring

back on track : after seeing horsey being so sad the kiddos decide to get her a horse friend but where the fuck? they got no idea, they are proud nonetheless and go tell honey the good new until they are like “wait but we have no idea where to find horses!” ofc we get a big reveal, some serious strawberry shortcake lore: actually all the horses, ALL OF THEM FROM THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET are on one (1) single island: ice cream themed to diversify it all they are just chilling over there in ponyland and for some reason this one here got lost or idk guys she took the boat and checked the rest of the world out as an even younger filly, found strawberry and her friends and decided now she was a centaur  slash humanrry furry human, idk you get it but shes their friend and so on to introduce the concept of an AWESOME island full of equestrian activity and ofc ice cream but its kinda lame because who cares? everythings already made out of food, also why isnt the ice cream melting? its one water? nevermind for the introduction as i was saying, hp sings an horrendous sounding song it deteriorated my ear drums they got pierced or something  or maybe im exagerrating? either case horses cant sing:

so to the ice cream land they go, huh

of course it wouldnt be a big adventure without an almost broken bridge oh no whatever shall we do? could we possibly cross it safely? lets try it out  guys: yay it worked good for us little stress and suspense it was wack how they got honey pie out of the hole her big ass hoove made im mesmerized by the power of friendship and sugar at this point, just in full awe for the rest of the episode probably over dosed on all the ice cream flavoured horseshit, i got some all over my mouth its dripping on my desk i gotta clean that later

next thing we know: horses its all this episode is about (aside from labor) but you see, so far hp would switch between normal human language and neighing well turns out her other fellow equines can only neigh and so they just neigh together while our english well-spoken mammal translates to the moronic kids who just smile smuggly

of course the animals are having a welcome party then, dancing around while the morons are just bored, harsh one being a cartoon character isnt it guys? w/e theyre gonna ask for honey pie to come back home now, convinced that her natural habit isnt her place and she loves them too much to just leave them and never come back and break any plans they ever had together- oh shit looks like shes leaving forever huh? what a plot twist mark that on the bitch quota for today

the first one to leave is the little boy btw, important thing to note: hes the biggest pussy he cant even face reality: oh no, no more pony back time before sleep thats quite a bummer, downer and man how are they going to survive now they got no animal to watch over them? jesus theyre soon, on the boat (idk where they got it from idk why suddenly theyre on a boat because then theyre once again gonna cross that bridge but ok) anyway yea theyre having a relationship crisis during that ship trip yada yada ah and the bridge, because (see i do not call them morons for now reasons obviously they deserve this title not only because theyre 6 but also because they are just daft:) they proceed, once in the middle of the bridge all 4 of them, to stop and wonder

“will the bridge be able to hold all of us? wont it break? damn i wonder if it will crack” and they talks without moving until vlam: a tree comes and breaks it (dont ask) so now theyre in trouble:

back to ponyland: bitch pie realizes how much she misses her actual friends and that she can speak english which her other horse friends cant do so she is special and probably abnormal, shes a big outcat of the pony society and has no other reason but to escape her incoming death sentence for fraternizing with the humans of course none of the second part is true, she just wants to see the kids again so she says asta la vista baby to the neigher team and runs away see, she hasnt taken the boat and yet also arrive to the bridge? why a boat sequence then? i will skip this for now but it WILL play in the rating, imagine im the parent of the youngster watching this crap and i have to endure it

if it sucks this bad and is this illogical i might just get bored and change the channel, idc my progeny aint gonna be watching this in either case, ill make them watch political debates then interrogate them on what they learned after what but it wasnt actual political debates just random furry youtuber venting with their fursona sprites animated and thats how you make your kids retarded, the kick of this joke is that i aint planning on getting any kids but totally gonna make them watch classics too such as the attack of the killer donuts as soon as they reach 6 so they wont be dumb and probably not getting diabete or w/e in their adulthood

then honey pie saves the kids btw all of them, heavy shit

and they all go back to strawberryland, happily after a big “wow i missed you sm, you are my real friends w/e if you dont look like me i aint speciest guys really!” theyre all vegan too btw so this works for them i havent watched enough strawberry shortcake episodes to know if they ever eat meat but i have doubts seeing how theyre into a very cannibalistic diet which include eating dessert when obviously thats what they are at least half part, this cartoon raises a lot of political questions it may have a deeper value than i first attributed to it

the end: another terrible song plays about horseshit and how tasty it is

thats all folks

so the rating: big 6/10, so you know 5/10 if its a decent kid show where im highly eager to click on the x and get back making jams but nah

surprisingly enough, i only wanted to stop watching half of the episode and not the entirity of it so credits for thats since im an adult and not a kid, imagining kids enjoyed this sweet childish cartooness or w/e now why +1? its because of how many political questions it raised, how it made me think about our society and cakes yknow its more than kids having a conflict with an horse it talks about veganism, specism, handicap, cannibalism, the management of the limited ressources were exploiting and so on yea really makes you think, its subliminal messages to make kids smarter: they watch their dessert-imbecile counterparts doing bs and then get it right irl: good  ah- it also makes it better for you when youre watching this with your kid, you suddenly transcend to another level of spirituality, existential crisis activated or at least reasoning mode or w/e youre willing to name this the point is you arent bored still despite all of this i rated it quite low for such a serious kid cartoon what couldve possibly made me tic? 1) kids are morons and cant understand all of this, not clear enough for the targeted public 2) projection onto the characters/dialogues from the writers of their childhood traumas (the horse play event didnt go unnoticed, karren brown) 3) my little pony ripoff 4) its controversial, our society, especially in 2004 couldnt understand the depth of this shit and finally 5) i got so much ice cream flavoured horseshit all over my desk god help me this is so filthy what a fucking mess i would totally recommand it to anyone who feels like being blown away by the statements made in this work of art 6/10 but really we all know in the future, itll be a 9/10, some ahead-of-its-time-crap

tg, out

[elftwink]

quick question how do yall have interests that are like moderate and that u arent obsessive about and all-consumed by

[bunny-banana]

I'd love to hear a director's commentary on La leggenda di Niccolo please :D Have a star as well ⭐

HA! Okay well, I’ll talk about the sections that I actually wrote so here it comes:

Chap 1

Engulfed in the never ending masses of water, he reckoned one should feel intimidated. No ground under his feet, only limited amounts of air to his disposal, and the uncertainty of what lies within the darker corners of the ocean should normally frighten you. And yet, he never felt more at peace than when he was floating so freely in the sea, almost as if gravity and the world outside didn’t exist

the fucking IRONY of me writing this while being deadly afraid of deep water. its honestly like “yeah,,,,, lemme list all the things i personally hate about deep sea…. and lets add ‘well, but theres something good too about that for sure,,,i guess,,,, ”

But what was more important for me was this contrast to what Ermal dreams about, his lowkey fantasy - and where he is irl, the icy south pole. I’m rather fond of opposing things/contrasts. 

The soldier breathed heavily in and out, but there was no time to rest as the next blaze of fire was aimed at him.He countered and evaded but his opponent was more forceful, his flames harsher, faster until the soldier’s back hit the cold railing. He was caught, and when his opponent mercilessly stroke once more, he knew he had to save himself by escaping into the cold water.The man remaining on the top deck smirked. Ah yes, he’d almost assume those new soldiers were just too easy to take on even if only for practice reasons, but it pleased him more to say that he still got it.

i really hope this introduction just tells you everything you need to know about Renga’s character.

How much sooner the war could have been won had it not been for the Poles!

While actually reflecting on the universe, i realised, it must be incredibly difficult for firebenders on the poles. like, I just assume they really, really arent fit for the cold which would make invading incredibly difficult for them. also lol, renga hates it at the poles obviously.

  Shaking so hard that kids ran towards their mothers and the watchtower fell over and when the fog cleared up, Ermal felt his stomach drop. ”No.”

Nothing, absolutely, nothing in that universe is more frightening than seeing the Fire Nation military pull up to your doorstep.  

Also, lmao, love to imagine Rinald quietly going “oh nooo my watchtower D:” 

Ermal pushed himself through the crowd until he was right in front of everyone, until he was the last barrier between the Fire Nation soldiers and the village.

Ermal has Strong Opinions™ about the Fire Nation, with reasons of course, and seeing them here is the absolute nightmare to him.

  “You mean the Avatar that disappeared off the face of the Earth? The one that nobody has ever seen and that was probably never even reborn? That Avatar?”And if his cockiness gave off a certain invitation to smash his face in, then this was perhaps a little bit Ermal’s fault.

to quote the Smiths: Bigmouth Strikes Again!

“B-but he’s- he’s so young? I swear to the Fire Lord, if this is yet another trick then-”

Chap 2

Niccolò had always been in awe of the Fire Nation’s advanced industrial sector. The machinery that originated from the Nation had always had cutting edge quality which no one in the world could quite imitate nor match. This ship however was beyond anything Niccolò had ever seen. This ship was fully steam-driven with the powerful motors roaring under his feet. And those weren’t the only novelties.Steel processed so professionally that it makes impenetrable walls and doors which opened and closed only through quite sophisticated lock mechanisms. It all looked so modern, it all looked so futuristic.

so the idea was, since Nic had missed an entire century, the ship looked super modern to him. while its a canon fact that the FN is quite advanced with machinery, the ship itself is just to an up-to-date standard. But to Niccolo personally it seemed futuristic.  i like the idea of him being amazed at things he has never seen in his life just to find out they’re pretty common in the current timeline. 

There was not much time left, Niccolò had to think quickly. Extremely convenient how his nose started tickling right in that moment.The powerful sneeze that followed had two consequences: One, the guard in front of him was catapulted straight into the metal door of the cell, rendering him unconscious.Two, Niccolò and the guard behind him were also forcefully pushed back to the other end of the corridor, crashing into the hard wall.Well, at least the guard did. The young airbender was spared that fate, by that nice pillow the guard turned out to be, so he quickly got onto his feet and ran as fast as he could with his hands tied behind his back.

so yeah ngl, this was just copied from the OG ep

Now that his hands were freed, he opened the first door that presented itself to him, but in front of him, he simply saw the quarters of General Renga who stared at his now roaming prisoner in shock. Okay, time to turn around, it seems.

listen, i just love the thought of overconfident General Renga being so shellshocked to see his prisoner escaping that he just gapes at him. And ofc Nic slamming the door shut immediately jsfkld

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Niccolò cursed as he evaded a burst of fire that was aimed at him before taking the next corner “Where’s the exit?! Where’s the goddamn exi- AH!! A DOOR!!” He pulled it open to reveal a startled guy sitting there just minding his own business. An unexpected sight, with an even more unexpected odor following. “Oh? uhm- Sorry man! Just- just take your time! Also, perhaps light a candle when you’re done. Bye!” The young Avatar swiftly apologised as he closed the door of what was most definitely not an exit.

Fav OC so far!  That simple FN dude was just trying to take a dump in peace but who would have known that all hell would break lose and the goddamn Avatar of all people would walk into him smh.  Also, I really enjoyed the thought of while this is all hectic and dangerous, Nic still being human enough to go like “oh, my bad! sorry dude!” at this random soldier. Who knows, maybe we should bring that one back some time later. And i kinda wanted the whole escape to be funny, since its Nic’s POV, and it just wouldnt suit his carefree spirit to make this super serious (yet). 

“I’ll give you that, hiding for so long was sort of impressive.” Niccolò heard Renga’s voice behind him as the General had caught up with him. 

almost wrote “century” there but then remembered  nah omg he can’t know yet 

A piece of ice may or may not have also hit Renga straight into the face but nobody would complain about that anyway. 

yeah i just love the thought of this super dramatic scene of Nic entering the Avatar State and then theres a chunk of ice knocking Renga unconscious lmao get fucked, dude 

“Nic!” Ermal ran towards the slowly decreasing water pillar to catch the unconscious airbender in the last second, dropping to his knees in the process. That was beyond anything anybody of that age should normally be capable of. That was beyond what any waterbender could ever be capable of. And yet, lying in his arms, Niccolò looked so exhausted, so weak. Just like any other kid. Not a trace from the sheer force that was unleashed moments earlier.

I think this was really the moment Ermal started feeling real responsibility over Niccolo. Just seeing him do all these crazy things and yet being reminded that this huge burden of being the Avatar is literally thrusted upon a simple kid.  Also, this is the first time he called him “Nic”

Various noises and sounds buzzed through the air that afternoon: The loud shoveling of snow from the bow, the quieter crackling emerging from the hands of the firebenders who were melting their frozen compatriots, the fast steps rushing left and right over the ship. All these different sounds were heard, but none of them were chattering. Nobody dared to chat. Not after this disastrous defeat. What a disgrace that had been, General Renga thought grinding his teeth.

Everybody on this goddman ship is just scared shitless that Renga will roast them if they so much like whisper. they know he moody, they know he’ll blame them for the avatar’s escape. so lets all just work and repair shit and keep quite. 

When he found consciousness again, he was left with not only one horrendous purple bruise on his face, but also with a half destroyed ship. 

jdsfksajfklf OK SO YEAH, my first intention was “lmao let a piece of ice hit him” but then i realised “oh wait he’d have a bruise afterwards”  and then “LMAOOOO he’d be like Zuko, how perfect is that”   ok so granted, unlike our dear fire prince, Renga’s bruise is only temporary, but i really hoped someone would pick up the connection to Zuko

Whatever had happened to the Avatar earlier, it left a colossal mark on the ship, and secretly, on Renga personally too. He might have gotten fooled once, but he wouldn’t get fooled again.

basically, he feels personally insulted about being beaten by a kid. what a loser lmao

“Martino!”

“Y-yes, General?” stuttered the lanky assistant with the askew glasses, clenching his hands around his writing board. One would think you’d get used to Renga’s harsh tone over time, but that was simply not the case..

rip martino but renga absolutely needed a poor anxious assistant whom he could terrorise

“We need the best of the best to defeat him. And I just know the right choice for that job…”

heeeeheeee ….. no comment ..for now.  but im curious to what you guys think about that 

Thank you so much! this was a lot of fun to do ! :)

[alicezan-ncgred]

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul​, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative. 

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely  meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this. 

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too. 

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin. 

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better. 

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.  

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression. 

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that. 

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD,  Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind. 

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue. 

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt. 

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly. 

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling. 

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode. 

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell. 

[ssironstrange]

about me

so because i haven’t done one of these since i hit like.. 100 followers? and i don’t feel like digging through my shit to reblog it again, and i’ve gotten a few personal asks...

i go by moki. a select few of you know my real name and i don’t mind yall using it when talking to me one on one, but moki has been my moniker for the last 20 years give or take and i highly prefer it.

i’ll be 30 in october (and high-key freaking out about it. rip.)

i really, honestly, truly do not care what pronouns you use for me. the closest thing i identify as is genderfluid. i’m biologically female and present that way most of the time just because i’m 1. lazy 2. live in one of the most conservative states in america and 3. extra lazy and just don’t want to Deal With It. but personally i feel pretty androgynous so whatever you feel comfortable calling me is fine by me.

i’ve never known wtf to say my sexuality is so i just file it under generic queerness. consenting human adult who is not related to me is my sexuality. there you go. i’m also polyamorous with a non-poly s/o and we’ve been together for 9 years. with that in mind please don’t get all weird with me. i’ve yet to have that problem but hey, never know.

i’m super open minded. very few things are off limits for me to talk about. tmi doesn’t exist with me. i’ll talk to you about weird sex stuff, i really don’t care. i’ll talk to you about mental illness. i’ll talk to you about your daily boring life. i don’t judge and i will always try to be supportive in whatever way i can. if you need to vent just hit me up. don’t even need to ask. just rant and bitch at my dms as much as you need to!

i have pretty severe ADD and it was only diagnosed a couple of years ago and it’s been a royal fucking bitch trying to treat it. i was doing pretty well on adderall but i built up a tolerance and can’t go any higher with it. on vyvanse now and i really don’t like it. probably won’t be switching to anything else anytime soon though. going through med changes is just so exhausting. and expensive. so, yanno, sometimes i can be spacey af while other times so fucking hyperfocused on something i can’t shut up about it. 

also went from your basic general depression to severe major depression in the span of like 2 years and tbh i’m still very slowly crawling my way out of it. fucking ironically tumblr has really helped with that LOL i spent my entire life around toxic, abusive, and negative environments so those are like the last thing i ever want to be. thus, i try to stay pretty positive. i cope with humor, too. so yeah, despite my cheerfulness and joking i’m usually pretty down.

got that hella bad anxiety on top of it all. most of mine is social anxiety, but in general i’m a pretty fuckin anxious person. coupled with my add my mind can be a terribly loud place sometimes. those two also give me some baaaaad insomnia every once in a while.

and like all that wasn’t bad enough, i’ve also got pcos and all the wonderful imbalances that come with it.

i never get enough sleep. my usual is 5 hours a night. about once a month i’ll sleep for like 20 hours straight. super not healthy but i can’t help it always. tired is my state of existence. 

i’ve been in various medical fields for like... 8ish years. jobless currently as of last week but w/e i’ll find something soon i’m sure.

i have 4 cats. i love cats. i’m that person that cries when they talk about how much they love cats. i’m wearing a cat shirt right now. in cat pj pants. with two cats sleeping next to me. i fucking love cats. kittens are my weakness. had 5 cats, but in january we very suddenly lost one of them to either viral meningitis or brain tumor (most likely tumor since the others didn’t get sick. i didn’t want an autopsy done) and tbh i’m still not over it. i honest to fucking god love them like my children, more than i love most other people. it felt like a part of me died with him and i miss him so much every damn day.

i’ve been told i come off as confidant on here?? lmao thats so far from the truth. i have so little confidence. what i do have is an enormous lack of fucks to give about a lot of things - one of the only perks of getting older i’ve found. i’m quiet and weird and super self-conscious and awkward and i legit only have like 2 irl friends bc i don’t make them easily. i don’t like talking - like with my voice. i’d for real be mute if i could.

music is super important to me. theres only a handful of genres i don’t like. i’m basically listening to it constantly.

anyway, there you go. some stuff about me. enjoy i guess?

[sometipsygnostalgic]

xenoblade chronicles  2 rapidfire review

π after i started writing up a 5000 word review and was still on the “character” section ive decided to make a rapidfire version to get to the fucking point. 

Story - at the end of the day, it’s a tale about how to deal with all the pain and insecurity that life throws at you. how to dig down deep and find a way to continue in what you may interpret as a dreadful world. it also has some of the most satisfying mysteries and plot resolutions i’ve ever seen in a videogame. utterly touching themes. unfortunately gets a bit too shonen at points especially with the protagonist. also quite possibly a lowkey harem anime.  

Story rating - 8 out of 10.   

Characters -  mostly all amazing in the english version. 

Rex - a top lad. your best mate. however, becomes a total flawless gary stu pretty quickly. better than many protagonists out there. i like the way he gets people to open up by acting so casually friendly around them. 7 out of 10.

Pyra - unfortunately the weakest character in the main cast. has 3 forms that are treated as different characters for some reason, and no emotions beyond “sad” and “in love with rex”. her mythra form is a slightly better character who will talk to other cast members and sass down people. however mythra also comes across as weak and overly emotionally fragile at times, considering she is supposed to be the Master Blade. i suspect she exists for rex to have 4 3 girlfriends at once.   

Azurda -  dragon grandpa. subversive in that when he dies for the hero to move on from the homeland, he immediately resurrects himself as a cute furry thing that sleeps in rex’s helmet. best videogame decision ever. gives top advice.

Nia - welsh. double furry. how old is she? 6? most useful NPC. swears a hell of a lot. hilarious sassmaster with an intriguing story and well-rounded motivations. consistently interesting relationships with other cast members up to the end of the game. even remains the same after receiving her compulsory magical girl transformation. has the most awesome magical girl transformation. gives the main villain super cancer, causing him to blow up like harry potter’s aunt. probably the best character. lightly orbits the black hole of the rex harem, struggling to maintain geostational stability against the powers of fanservice.  

Dromarch - a good dad cat. there is not a lot else to say about dromarch, except that you can ride him, which is badass. he and azurda are the old dad types babysitting the kids. 

Tora - meh meh. actually likable mechanic child. why is this furry cat thing a key member of my party. despite rarely ever upgrading his blade he has made me basically immortal many times. nopon mask is underrated. masterpon is same at start of game as at end of game. that is to say he is an ambitious child, and a bit of a pervert. however, has terrible taste in upgrades. has many IRL blades pointed at him.  

Poppi - poppi artificial blade who speak like masterpon. poppi α has cool design. poppi α adorable and cool. due to being newborn blade, poppi have refreshing and truthful view on world. poppi have tragic artificial sister who almost die terribly after evil nopon brainwash!  poppi have most sad heartbreaking scene at end of game. however, poppi QT and poppi QT π designs can die in big fire.  poppi good at throwing shade. it endearing and special trait. 

Morag - technically the group normie. however, very weird. when you first see morag she reeks of pure chilled badassery. logical and with a strong sense of justice and compassion, morag starts off as an intimidating antivillain but becomes a staple member of the party. even though rex and the gang are fugitives in her city, she lets them leave because she senses they weren’t crooked ruffians and they had a purpose of their own. but she comes back to kick their ass when she thinks they’re causing more trouble, and is actually quite pissed off about rex and pyra holding back on her. has a sweet relationship with the emporer, her distant cousin/adoptive kid brother. morag learns on her adventure the value of the optimistic views the kids  around her have of the world, and says multiple times if more people thought like they did, maybe there wouldn’t be so much political nonsense  stopping people from living together peacefully. morag has a lot of pride and cannot deal with being oneupped. i love her.

Brighid - Morag’s wife blade who is one of many that struggles with the thought of losing her identity after regenning. has a diary of her past lives. uses it to taunt mythra about that one time she kicked her ass. pretends to be a little distant but low key super emotionally invested in the cast’s development. literally asked a main villain if she was like her past self that he knew, causing him to reconsider his entire philosophy on blades becoming completely different people when they’re reborn. bitchslaps rex that one time. Owns everybody at some point. such a beautiful character design that i never even noticed her chest is basically bare. 

shellhead Zeke - the prince... of NOTHING. wishes he was still a student. that one time he nearly died, he was probably impaled by a falling twig. enjoyed playing Team Rocket. surprisingly wise for a teenlike NEET. does not look after his precious turtle. potentially does have a thunder powered eye. however, definitely requires second contact lens. unfortunately not comparable to rex in combat especially as his Luck stat means using a legendary crystal on him is like throwing it away. 

Pandoria - i often forget pandoria is a blade because she is zeke’s girlfriend, also i never use her in battle due to his redundentness. well reknowned for also not looking after turtles properly. also well reknowned for slam dunking the prince over his nonsense while being equally silly.  

BAD GUYS

Jin - apparently has special people-drawing trait that makes all the good cast who know him shocked he is ordering such evil bastard things to happen. not entirely sure what that trait is. emo about much bad stuff that happen to him and his driver. wishes to never forget his life with his driver. dirty child killer.very aniime. why is he the only flesh eater whose core turns red?  okay character with decent enough motivation. was confused as to why Malos was following him until the very end. 

Malos - evil bastard. cheesy villain. you can kick his ass many times and he will get back up 3 minutes later and laugh at you while swallowing back the bile of a bitter defeat. is actually a little tragic by the end of the game. dies for no reason. makes morag jealous because he found his purpose in life, though im not sure what that is.  

Akhos - N3RD. probably the most likable member of Torna. had a silly Blade companion who he was really upset died. i like how he was sentimental about his ‘sister’ blade. 

Patroka - most forgettable Torna member. a little bit tsundere. 

Mikhail - grew on me significantly at the end though like Akhos and Patroka his backstory was unceremoniously dumped on your lap at the last second. must be a great fan of Prince Zeke as he’s heard of the term Blade Eater. also why has Mikhail got awesome blade powers and immortality when Zeke hasnt? maybe Mikhail is “possessing” the blade per se.  

Amalthus - emo bitch. stared God in the face and raised his middle finger. hypocritically creates flesh eaters then sends witch hunts out for them. i like that he reminded himself every day about how bad humanity was by doing his best to help people. so despite the praetor being this “benevolent” figure he had somehow manifested a being of pure hatred. 

Theres a lot of other people I cant be assed talking about right now.

Character rating - 9 out of 10. Even though some important characters arent as impactful as they should be, everybody is memorable and I can remember all of their damn names and backstories.  

Gameplay - not particularly amazing. battles are alright, RPG-wise, with orb breaking combos and cancelling being fun to use. but they’re highly limited by the fact you can only control 1 character at a time and there is no Co-op feature. they also take an incredibly long time, even for just one enemy encounter, and there can be unfair Spike damage moves that oneshot you. my most satisfying moment battling ever was when i was fighting Aeon, the final boss, and got a Full break for the first time... I decimated the fucker when he was at 60% health. 

Of course, those are just the battle mechanics. 

The game is full of complex mechanics that do nothing but add tedium. Every single quest in the game forces you to farm for certain “collectibles”, plants that grow in specific unlisted locations that respawn when you fast travel. Many character “affinity” upgrades, which can lock out certain areas of the map, special skills, or unique interactions, also require you to do this shit. A guide is NECESSARY for this.  There’s also the Merc Missions. Little did you know, you will need to complete Merc Missions to reach the end of many blade quests!!!you know what’s FUN? Waiting for a timer to pass after 25 fucking minutes!!!! this game has NO RESPECT FOR YOUR TIME WHATSOEVER. 

the biggest bullshit of all is when you’re locked out of the main story because a specific character on your team hasn’t unlocked level 3 of a specific skill, because there’s no way that you’d be able to unlock that by naturally playing the game as you have to go out of your way to fill the criteria and grind something or other for 20 minutes. 

This makes sidequests absolutely worthless.

The saving grace for the gameplay is probably the customizability of the blades themselves. Not so much the skills you can attach to each blade, but that you can unlock a number of fun characters to use, and they will have their own unique dialogue. The drivers and blades talking during battle also makes a 20 minute fight feel a lot quicker. 

Battle gameplay mechanics: 6 out of 10. Fun but could be better.  Sidequests, crafting, and field skill mechanics : 1 out of 10. Worthless trash that should never have been greenlit. 

Considering that you will be spending so much time on the gameplay, why even bother playing the game at all?

It’s very much the story that pushes the player to move onwards. If this game didn’t have such a fun cast and meaningful plot then I’d probably not have gotten past the first act. 

Music and Environments - Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is filled with vast, beautiful and diverse environments. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of interactivity with them other than killing monsters or foraging those bloody collectibles, but they’re beautiful enough with a diverse range of monster inhabitants that give them life. The MUSIC is godlike. My favourite track in the game would be the song used for the city in Tantal. Very ominous and beautiful hymn, sung in English. 

Music and environment rating - 8 out of 10.

Localisation - While many sneer at the localisation choices for this game I thought it brought it to life. Granted I have great bias as being a Welsh girl who is familiar with the differences in UK regional dialect, but it felt like the dialogue the characters were saying also had a heavy makeover to fit the new voices... I really don’t believe that Rex’s Japanese voice actor also sounded like a Top Lad, or that Nia’s japanese voice actor sounded as much like she was ready for a valleys bar fight.  However there are some clear obstacles as well - the characters seemed to have no idea of the context of their lines. This is obvious when they shout something for a long time. Rex’s “HIYAAAAAAAAH” and Nia’s “NOOOO MOOOOORE” sound comically off-tone when they are supposed to be epic. It’s the works of someone who read those lines off a script without knowing what was going on. Tora’s actor saying “meh meh” sounds like it was meant to be a COMPLETELY different noise. Morag and Zeke never go off-course, however. I think either they had an advantage with more visuals being completed by the time they were cast, or they just don’t have diverse enough dialogue in the game for it to have been an issue.

Localisation - 7.8/10 too much Meh. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

Xenoblade chronicles 2 is a highly addictive game that pulls you to the finish line with an interesting plot and a cast you just can’t let go of. While Pyra is certainly the weakest link of the characters, and the game has some extremely goofy shonen scenes that it’s hard to take seriously, and oh dear me that’s an awful lot of boob shots, I had a lot of fun powering through it. I’m going to have a tough time letting go of this story and these characters. 

Unfortunately the gameplay itself is not similarly addictive, and becomes more of a chore for you to get to the next cutscene or funny interaction.

Final rating - 6.5 out of 10. While a worthwhile experience, the greatest story in the world cannot save this game from piss-standard design choices. It is probably better to spend your time on a game that doesn’t have anti-fun mechanics. But I’d be hard pressed if any had a cast that touched your hearts quite like that of Xenoblade Chronicles 2. 

[magicspaceuncle]

Ok, Im now done refreshing the lobby coffee bar, lets elaborate

I was converted and baptised into the so-called church of jesus christ of latter day saints at the tender age of, like. 10. Im also AFAB transmasc/nonbinary, a factoid which is relevant to the story

I joined tumblr back in... Oh, 2012 I think? 2011? So when I was roughly 13-14 age, I dunno, my math is bad with time

At first, I was a homestuck ask blog. And then a different character, same blog. And then i gave up and just made it My Blog because I didnt understand the concept of side blogs

And at some point in my teen years, after converting to the normal-ass main blog of chaos yall seem to appreciate (i dont really pay attention to follower count but hey theres a decent amount of you so at least im #Relatable or something) anyway, some time in my early teens, before I realized that Transing One's Gender is an Option, i had a phase where i was Hyper Femme. Possibly i was trying to prove to myself i could be a Good Mormon Girl(tm). Im not sure. But. by all accounts, offline I *was* a pretty decent mormon. I went to church every sunday, i biked through the literal ice before school every morning praying to jesus to keep me warm on my way to seminary, church camp in the summer, being a Good Bringer Of The Word Of Christ to all my friends. You know. Good Evangelical/Culty Christian Stuff because I just didnt know any better and was regurgitating what I was being taught without thinking about it.

I also discovered I was (and am) very bisexual. And my tumblr blog... well. Ive never had a Good Christian Blog. And i never wanted to - the idea of cutting my own interests just to suit someone else's idea of what God wanted from me seemed counter-intuitive. Why would He have made me like this if it wasnt His will I be like this? (This would also be the start of my questioning of my beliefs, but thats a seperate ramble)

Aaaand this particular tangent is ultimately about one year in particular, mid/late high-school, the same year or perhaps year after I realized I was trans. I had spent the entire summer planning and hand-sewing and making my own patterns for an original costume for my younger sibling, we were going to Kumoricon that fall together. And I mean entire summer. And because I wither and die without some form of validation (because I RARELY got any at home that wasnt just Participation Trophy "Validation") I posted pics to my tumblr of the finished outfit

I still stand by my costume work at the time because I put a lot of work in and considering my limited skills and respurces, i think it looked bomb as hell

Anyways, posted it to tumblr

And then, not considering the possible consequences, I posted a link from that post onto my facebook so i wouldnt have to rewrite and repost all the pictures and descriptions

I forgot that, once youve viewed a post, you can simply. Follow the username back to the main blog

Literally within 24 hours I was recieving anon hate in the form of someone harassing me for the UnGodly content on my blog. For my openness about being Bi, and the stirrings of questioning the so-called church's teachings. I didnt respond until they started using my name

My full, legal, deadname. Which not only did I refuse to answer to, but also nobody on Tumblr knows my last OR middle name. Hell, very few people IRL know/knew my middle name. And THEN. They started naming individuals within the so-called church - my bishop, my young women's leader, my old primary teacher - who would be So Ashamed if they saw how filthy and immoral I was being.

At that point i responded to some of the non-personal anon asks, calling them out for harrassing me and reminding them I can do whatever the fuck I want on my blog

And then the motherfucker. Made a temporary email. And emailed a link to my blog to my biological mother, who was also a fairly active member of the so-called church. Along with a short letter describing my UnChristian behaviors, and 'outing' me as queer to her.

Now, luckily, my mother had known about my tumblr since day 1, and she didnt give a shit. Nor did she outwardly care about me being queer (again, thats a seperate rant).

But can you imagine how dangerous that could have been if she HADNT known? If she had been More Mormon? I could have been beated. I could have been kicked out. I could have been killed.

The harrassment stopped shortly after that because my mother responded to the email to the effect of "I already know, its fine, leave my child alone", and I turned off anons for a While

But to this day that always baffles me. Who was that? Clearly someone within the so-called church, must have been in the same ward as me, AND facebook friends. But also

They were on anon. Which means they either already HAD a tumblr OR they made one just to harrass me

Yes, I was at the Devil's Sacrament. But Goody Proctor, *so were you*.

Checkmate I guess?

(Apologies for the words with asterisks, im on mobile and every time I try and delete the asterisks and just italicize the text, those ones grey out and I cant touch anything. Tumblr is a perfectly functional hellsite app and there is no war in Ba Sing Se.)

I used to be Mormon, as a teenager

I made some friends but overall Im *very* glad I got out of the so-called church when I did

But i was just randomly thinking about my mormon days and remembered the STRANGEST occurrence of anon hate

It was wierd and in hindsight absolutely could have put my life in danger holy shit whoever did that was either malicious or just not considering the possible consequences of being nosey

[theday]

HIII!!! ITS YOUR MBB SECRET SANTA I HOPE YOURE HAVING A GREAT DAY FULL OF HAPPINESS!!!! I love monsta x and i bet you do too also I LOVE WONHO HES SO SQUISHY RIGHT NOW AND THE HAIR cries ok so i have a question of the day: what got you into mx? Mine was a long ride but it was w o r t h i t!!!

HELLO!!! MY DAY JUST STARTED ACTUALLY BUT I SAW A BUNCH OF MX ON MY DASH SO.. its already filled with happiness and love :-O btw this is rly long

how did u guess…. me …. a blog with the url cuddlychae… liking monsta x????? how didu make that connection… im just kidding i love you? already sjjsjsjd PLEASE JDSJJ I KNOW MY TAG FOR HIM IS LITERALLY SQUISHY KING I LOVE HIM SO MCUHCJS id write a whole ass essay but thats for another time 3 how do you like his hair??? he dyed it like . 3 times this cb rip wonhos scalp but god the purple really grew on me after awhile and then he went fiery red and i was like ? >:0 but the purple…. the red is grpwing on me too alsjjdjs i could never hate wonho(’s hair) i jsut wish theyd let his scalp breathe a bit or he’ll go bald soon

are we going straight into the questiosnsjjsjs tell me about yourself first!!! you can call me egg or megan if calling me a round food object is too strange jsjj i use she/her pronouns and !!! im turning 16 this december 26th which is literally nvm i wanted fto say smth like twice of today since its the 13th and 13 x 2 = 26 but never mind…. 

this got so long already my friend (what shall i call you?) this is how i am normally whenever i start i dont stop riidjjsjsjk we’re in for a long ride buddy :-D

ok so monsta x … the monsta men……. so firsts of all . my good friend buddy pal karissa (who is barely on tumblr) is a big mbb but i didnt get into them bc of her though she shld get mentioned bc of her i have someone to yell about monsta x.. irl… bless her . now shes kind of relevant to this story actually in june and i was at her place with another friend and that was the day mx had their coomeback shine forever so we agreed to watch it with her :-o back then i had no interest in kpop at all so i was like hm . the whole time but their music was great in my young opinion back then since she let me listen to beautiful right after that (also jooheon in the beautiful mv caught my eye in shine forever it was minhyuk and jooheon i didnt take notice of anyone else whoops) 

that was my only mx experience until .. after i got into day6 (after being more open to kpop) my friend (a different one, boxy) she started talking about mx bc she got sucked into their wormhole .. and she would talk about mister yoo kihyun for ages which was cute (ok honestly when i first looked up pics of ki i was like whys . he her bias bssjjsjsjsks now i understand) she’d link me videos such as the daeng daeng daeng cover and kihyuns hyeya to show us how good kihyuns vocals were (which i completely ignored for awhile bc of mister minhyukku…. kihyun im so sorry i did u dirty for the longest time) and then she linked us to the funny videos i had to bold that bc . monsta x are the best comedians alive… kings of comedy . she gave us this video to watch and i lost my mind watching it beyhjsjs

this is long and dramatic only bc i love to talk but basically i got into mx bc they were fucking funny that sounds so dumb but i watched all their reality/variety shows in less than 2 weeks without knowing who each member was (i could only recognize jooheon) every episode/series has made me laugh so hard and i think because i fell for their personalities more it was easier for me to??? for them to??? become one of my favorite groups??? after that i watched all their music videos (hey all in ruined my life and burnt my crops wtf…. i love all in so much,,,,) and then proceeded to watch most of the subbed vlives/monchannel videos it was a wild time honestly and it wasnt only after a while that i started following more mx blogs and just interacting with fellow mbbs??? the click idk if u know them but theyve helped me open up to other people on here too so im really grateful to them!! in the end i just??? i mean i got into them late august and it hasnt even been 6 months but i would really give my heart and soul to monsta x theyre so kind and just really fucking sweet + talented and im so happy they got their first win!!!!!!! 

this is really long so if you read this thank you!! something i want to establish is that (breaking some rules here) you dont have to send me 3 asks a day because.. thats ridiculous i mean i understand where the organizer is coming from but please dont ever feel pressured to send me asks - just do it when youre free/when you feel like it!! i want to make this a stress free and fun experience so dont worry about it okay!!! another thing, im completely fine if you send me more than 3 asks in one go (since theres that character limit stories will be hard to tell) i love reading people’s rambles so if you ever feel like writing a whole wonho love essay please go ahead!! 

my questions for you are the ones i mentioned previously at the start and how did you get into monsta x?? you said it was a long ride so im rly curious!! just tell me whenever!!! i might take some time to reply bc i only reply on desktop and ill be out the whole day but dont let that stop you from sending stuff if u want!!!

thank you so much for reading if you did, i hope you have a wonderful day and that if youre sleeping soon, youll have a good rest!! do let me know what youd like me to tag your asks with by the way! i love youuUU

[thataspdfeel]

I'm curious, what are you most attracted to in your partners? Is it similar traits in all of them or different ones like their sense of humour etc.? Sorry if this is a weird question but you've said before you like when people ask about them so I thought I would.

i was so excited to get this and then forgot to answer it :/ im an idiot

also gonna put this under a cut cause this is gonna be hella long cause im a fucking romantic dork

god though i could wax poetic. they’re all so lovely. like they have traits in common but also are unique. they all have brown eyes but theyre unique. like my husband has these eyes that remind me of warm chocolate. like a chocolate fountain kind of warm chocolate. dark and smooth but reflect the light. my wife’s have tinges of gold in the irises like flecks of gold leaf. and theres a dark ring around the pupil and one around the edge of the iris. theyre fucking magical

my boyfriend’s eyes are almost black and very deep. darker than the night sky and full of warmth and mischief. but its like theyre never ending, like he can see the innermost parts of whoever he’s looking at, like your soul is written on your forehead

lmao i love eyes can you tell

they all have these goddamned sinful eyelashes and my boyfriend’s are the longest. theyre as dark as his eyes and when he’s embarrassed, he gets all shy and they brush against his cheekbones like how dare you sir. how dare you be beautiful even when youre embarrassed. i look like a fucking tomato. rude

my husband’s look gold at the tips with the way the light catches them. like yknow how fake eyelashes have purple or red at the tips? like that except gold. like what??? the fuck??? rude

they all have very soft hair though my boyfriend’s is the longest. i cant wait to get with him irl again cause i wanna braid it. he’s got a bony face and it frames it so well. it’s so dark brown its almost black and it’s fun to see him try to sweep it out of his face cause he refuses to tie it up

my husband has these wild curls. we were looking up how to take care of them and that’s how we found out hes ethnically jewish. (which makes sense considering he’s german) they get so thick and heavy and they’re so soft and lovely to nap in. which i do on a semi regular basis. its so soft and lovely and i love when he grows it out. he just doesn’t look right with shorter hair. and he has this beard that grows funny, makes him look like jedidiah if yknow what i mean. he has such a baby face without it and he loves beard scritches it’s so cute how happy he gets

bluh im bouncing all over the place i just??? love them?????? so??????????? much???????????????? there’s so much to talk about!!!

so i guess i’ll just try and make a list of the things i love about them

husband:

cheerful, bubbly, very sunny personality. the human incarnation of a very excited dog (which can be A Lot sometimes)

extremely kind. would give you the shirt off his back. often laments that he stopped carrying cash years ago every time he sees somebody who could use some despite the fact that we’re always broke

a proper southern gentleman??? like im fat so im used to people not holding doors open for me fucking ever and being really goddamned rude in general. he ALWAYS holds doors open for me, opens the car door for me both to get in and out of the car, and gets pouty if i try and carry my own bag. it’s so sweet??? ive literally never had that before and even after three and a half years, it’s still so charming

he will do literally anything the fuck i ask. he’ll say no and im like oh ok and he’ll tease like “finally! i said no! and got away with it!” just to make me giggle and then does it anyway

on this note, he also always cooks as much as absolutely possible. even though his spine gives him problems, he does his best to keep me off my leg

he’s always so concerned about my well being. like if there’s not a disability cart at the front of a store, he makes me sit down while he goes and chases one down. if im stiffer than usual due to a cold front, he’ll remind me to take pain meds every four hours

he’s trying to learn japanese because he knows i dont have anybody to practice with here in the states. just for me and not any other reason

adores animals. even if he finds a dog annoying, he’ll still fawn over it and give it as many pets as it wants and won't ever snap at it even if anybody else would. he’s got these large hands and he’s kind of clumsy but this goes away around animals. he’s just so careful and gentle like i never ever worry

drags me out of my introverted cave because he knows social interaction is also good

has introduced me to some of my favorite books and video games because he’s verious conscious about what somebody likes and works to be like “hey, i think youd like this” and is almost always correct??? amazing

has 0 sense of style but doesnt mind somebody who knows better keeping him from absolute disaster

dude is a damned good cook. ive gained like at least a solid 25 pounds since he moved in and started cooking regularly

SPEAKING OF COOKING, we met on the tail end of my anorexia when i was doing my best to recover and still slipping up. he never made me feel bad about it but always encouraged me to eat. he eats SO much (think shaggy rogers) that i always felt comfortable eating in front of him. he always reminds me to eat and asks if ive eaten that day. honestly, i wouldnt be at this level of recovery if it hadnt been for him

is amazing at caling me down holy fuck

wife:

met her first, of the three of them, ironically so ive known her the longest but been with her the shortest. we dated a few months in hs but there was a chick she wanted to date like right there (and i was in japan) so i was like oh go for it. well, they broke up and we got back together and it’s been lovely ever since

she has this snorting laugh that’s adorable to listen to and it makes me feel more comfortable laughing (because i think i sound like a damn goose)

SHE HAS SO MANY GODDAMNED FRECKLES ON HER CUTE LITTLE FACE THEY’RE ADORABLE AND AMAZING AND VERY FUN TO KISS BECAUSE SHE SQUIRMS

she has a goddamned button nose for chrissakes

and these really wide hips too like i felt bad about my hips years ago cause theyre p wide but shes adorable and has wide hips too. she kinda made me love them (even though hers are better)

she’s genderfluid so i get to be gay all across the gender spectrum (im agender) and she’s so beautiful and handsome and v amazing

we were both homestuck fans at the height of it (like we still are) but her cosplays are just really well done??? shes so talented

OH MY GOD SHE MAKES THIE CHICKEN SOUP WITH HOMEMADE NOODLES I WOULD SLAP AN OLD LADY FOR

i dont know about the rest of her cooking (sadly) due to limited time around each other but i cant fucking wait tbh. her cookies kill me tho i love them

an amazing fashion sense. im a dumpster compared to her

an amazing writer and artist and i die every time she sends me something like my soul fucking ascends

she loved me BEFORE meds which i think is amazing. like what a lovely human being yknow? im a dick without meds and she loved me anyway and i love that about her

she speaks german and she makes it sound beautiful and i cry

her singing voice is so angelic and it kills me when she sings because everybody should hear this lovely person sing

she is hyper empathetic and it makes her so lovely and kind and wonderful. she completely understands how i feel about things and why even when no one else does and is very good at de-escalating me when im upset

we’ve just known each other for something like 7 years now? like i dated her post my abusive ex and she lit up my whole world with happiness at being treated well. then her ex was abusive and just... we get each other? in a way where her husband and my other two partners dont. its a pain the others dont understand so we go to each other during these times of pain in a way we cant with other people. it’s a very special connection

she’s a goddamned goof and i love it

my boyfriend:

motherfucker is so skinny which is the opposite of me and for some reason it works?? idk like it worries me but it’s also unique. love it

we dated almost my whole senior year of hs but he broke up with me because he thought he didnt have the same depth of emotion as i did for him and didnt want to “hold me back” from somebody better. like??? can you imagine?????? how fucking kind

recently started dating again like it took him fourish years for him to realize SHIT I MADE A MISTAKE so he’s a little slow but he’s so very thoughtful

he’s a goof in a different way than the other two. dad jokes. never ending fucking dad jokes. and goddamned puns. he never stops. dont tell him i love them because then he’ll never let me tease him again (i pretend like its The Worst)

so. fucking. dramatic. always flips his hair in the sassiest way possible. its super gay (he’s bi)

he doesnt do a whole lot of romance or saying WHY he feels certain ways. he feels like it cheapens the emotion. but, on the rare occassion he doesnt let this bother him, his poetry he sends me about how he feels makes me fucking cry. it’s so beautiful. i love it

he works watering at a plant nursery and complains about how the bees always use him as a landing strip. it’s adorable

he’s so resourceful?? this is best seen when playing minecraft cause he makes some damn cool structures in some really nice places. i love playing it with him just to see what he builds and how (especially since im a boring, lets make this house a square kinda ho)

he’s so camera shy??? no selfies no skype at all. he’s so bashful and it’s super cute i love it

got me into DnD like yes thank you for this enjoyable nerdery

the sole reason i passed math in hs. like not only is he smart but hes also really good at explaining things to people? definitely a talent for teaching people things

he was my best friend for the longest time like all three of them are my best friend but he was the only one who was my best friend FIRST and then romance blossomed

like im demiromantic so i need a strong connection to fall in love like it was a solid few months of dating my husband before i began to love him. i knew my wife for awhile and got close so same general story. but my boyfriend and i were more friends to lovers and i love that about him

his dad is half italian so he talks with his hands and it’s so overdramatic that he hits people with them on a semi regular basis just gesturing. he once accidentally knocked my glasses all the way across a room cause i had walked behind him and he made a sweeping gesture. hilarious

one time, i had food poisoning and the pain was so bad, i had to crawl under his kitchen table until my mother came to take me to the base clinic. he sat with my head in his lap and brushed my hair out of my face and cooed gently at me to try and soothe me. it was so sweet and ive never forgotten about it

motherfucker, with the help of my sister, dragged me into homestuck

he’s so damn shy about affection that holdling his hand in public makes him blush. it’s even worse if i steal a kiss. fucking adorable

things all three have in common that i love:

good in bed. it sounds silly but this is important to me because while i dont necessarily need sex to form a close relationship to fall in love, it definitely helps

idk how this happened, i really dont, but somehow everything i like lines up nicely with everything they like??? and if im not into something, they can find it with each other and vise versa. lmao wtf how did this happen to line up idk

kind, generous, sweet, and helpful although all three show these qualities in different ways despite having them in common

love me??? like honestly it sounds so silly that id love that they love me but im such a flawed, terrible human being that it leaves me in deep awe that not only does one person love me but three??? how??? amazing people to find something in me to love and to keep on loving despite all my problems. beautiful

creative, smart, and inventive each in their own right. they fucking astound me and take my breath away

beautiful cuddlers (not being sarcastic, promise)

husband is a goddamned heater but boyfriend is a living block of ice. then wife is one of those who’s in between but she steals your heat and then hours later gives it back which is the worse option of the three. like it starts out all nice but then you end up surprised hours later because youre fucking dying of heatstroke

so we have two heatstroke, drowning in sweat options and then losing your limbs. it makes trying to set the thermostat a fucking nightmare

they all love to read and honestly? i couldnt be with anyone who doesnt like a good book

can hold lively, in depth discussions about things

hubby tends to lean more towards “would it be immoral to fuck a succubus” type morality questions and superhero dissection type things

wife is all over the place and can carry on a conversation about goddamned teapots if she so chose. no idea how she does it

boyfriend likes to entertain more morbid thoughts and psychology but also likes to analyze things. like homestuck. we still fucking dissect homestuck

very intelligent. blows my dumb ass out of the water. beautiful

like gaming various amounts and various kinds of games. hubs likes any and all. boyfriend likes dnd, monster hunter, minecraft etc kinds of things, not really one for cards or board games. wife prefers to craft but will occasionally engage in board games or cards, less so in video games but tends to stick to pokemon. it’s nice

they’re all very physically beautiful though in different ways. hubby is barrel chested and german with very strong arms and big hands, a bright and sunny smile. wife is small and round with tiny, artist hands and a sweet, pixie face. boyfriend is thin, long, and gaunt with pale skin and dark hair (kind of like damien from dream daddy tbh)

i could go on but ive been making this post for like well over two hours now and i figured maybe i should stop. it’s long as hell and idk if anybody else would have read this whole thing but basically i fucking adore my partners??? so much??? and there are so many things about them to love???

i just love them so much and could go on and on for hours about why i love each of them and how lovely they are and how they make me feel

ksdjrfgh im so sorry this is so long theres just so much to talk about //sweats

[sighlizz]

get to know me meme

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

1. Drink: Sprite 

2. Phone call: I usually call people if I’m in a hurry or don’t want to wait for a response. But likes my mom calls me twenty times a day

3. Text message: I text Hunter a ton, Michael and Sarahi through snapchat a lot.

4. Song you listen to: I’ve been guilty of listening to a lot of Britney Spears lately

5. Time you cried: Probably a week ago from frustration. it was a good cry, my makeup stayed on I was pretty proud and sent that to like 5 people lol.

HAVE YOU

6. Dated someone twice: Now I am  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Lots from middle school lmao

8. Been cheated on: Sometimes, lol 

9. Lost someone special: I feel like not too many people would be special if there was no chance of losing them, or like we wouldn’t put as high as value to them, ya know? But ya.

10. Been depressed: I feel like this whole generation is depressed lol

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Only like a few times, I know my limit is when I start to get numb lool.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Pink, blue & purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. Made new friends: Ya, lots from work, and lots of the people I graduated with  suddenly got closer AFTER we graduated, haha. Weird.

16. Fallen out of love: yikes 

17. Laughed until you cried: Those are the worst

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Hmh, ya. I like to ask them in person about what they’re hearing.

19. Met someone who changed you: Lol, actually this girl my freshman year, she was junior and she was just so nice and friendly. I stopped cussing a lot once I started hanging out with her… Then she moved and I went back to my old ways :)

20. Found out who your friends are: What

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: If we not friends on facebook, we not friends irl :/ 

GENERAL

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I’m trying to eliminate the ones I don’t know, but It’s taking a few years now, lol. I used to have 900+ , I think I’m down to five or four hundred.

23. Do you have any pets: A cat, two dogs, and a fish that I forget we have every once in awhile.

24. Do you want to change your name: I used to want it to be Sam then at another point Logan. 

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: super early morning, I hung out with Darious & Tu. They’re the best. Later it was Tu and Tegan. Then later at some point I hung out with Michael eventually.

26. What time do you wake up: Depends what time I have work. Either 3:50 AM or like 10 AM. lol

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Working lol.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Nothing. I want time to go so much slower than it’s going actually. Maybe 6 flags, but that’s it.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Um, maybe two days ago. We have different work and sleep schedules, but I’m texting her practically every minute of the day.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I’m really missing my friend right now, I guess I wasn’t so petty and stubborn. 

31. What are you listening to right now: How tegan is blocking this one guy on all her social media accounts.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Ya, Tom from band? Barely Remember him, but I know I have at some point.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My brother. He left peanut butter out and now theres bugs all over my bathroom.

34. Most visited website: Tumblr. eh.

35. Mole/s: Lots on my face. Not a fan. 

36. Mark/s: ? Marks, stretch marks, lots on my butt. regular scars, got some on my knees, thighs from falling on the ground a lot. Lol clumsy. 

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be like a model or someone famous. In the CIA for a big while too. 

38. Hair color: Dark brown

39. Long or short hair: long

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Meh, sometimes (No, I do)

41. What do you like about yourself: My looks, most of the time. I can be super conceited though.

42. Piercings: I just got my ears pierced not too long ago for the first time actually!

43. Blood type: The good type. 

44. Nickname: Lizz, Lizzy, Porkchop 

45. Relationship status: In one! 

46. Zodiac: Gemini 

47. Pronouns: She

48. Favorite TV Show: i try to watch Orange is The New Black, Rick and Morty.

49. Tattoos: As of now. None, maybe a super tiny one in the future, but I don’t see it really happening.

50. Right or left hand: Right

51. Surgery: none

52. Hair dyed in different color: I’ve always like bleached some part of my hair after 8th grade. I wanna be like Kpop blonde at some point in my life though.

53. Sport: Color Guard? I honestly don’t even know if it’s considered a sport :/ i don’t know. 

55. Vacation: Hmh, I’ve gone to France, England, Belgium, Spain, Morocco, Taiwan, China, Mexico. I wanna go to Italy and Indonesia sometime though. 

56. Pair of trainers: Training bra? :/

MORE GENERAL

57. Eating: Yikes, food.

58. Drinking: It should be water

59. I’m about to: clean my room? :/ pick up people? :/ Finish my fasfa? :/

61. Waiting for: sleep time.

62. Want: To see Juan’s kitten again. 

63. Get married: Oh hell ya. I was thinking about it.. I think I’m just more excited for the party than the actual Marriage :/ but it’s cool I guess.

64. Career: As of now? The most realistic option that I’m not dreading is to eventually become a translator. But my mind is always changing, so who knows.

65. Hugs or kisses: I’m so sick and tired of hugs. “wheres my hug at!” I’m traumatized. 

66. Lips or eyes: I don’t know. I’m always looking at peoples lips honestly. Not necessarily judging them, but I just examine certain features a lot, and lips is one of them.

67. Shorter or taller: Taller

68. Older or younger: Usually older.

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: meh

71. Sensitive or loud: I’m loud most of the time,  I think

72. Hook up or relationship: I got tired of hook ups. Thought I was a natural hoe. So i guess relationships

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: ew

HAVE YOU EVER

74. Kissed a Stranger: More than I want to admit 

75. Drank hard liquor: lots

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t got any

77. Turned someone down: Not every one is cute. It’s life.

78. Sex on the first date: uH, no don’t think so.

79. Broken someone’s heart: I can only think of one person, and I feel so bad, but it’s so funny, It’s ridiculously 

80. Had your heart broken: Lots, by friends and lovers.

81. Been arrested: Not yet, and hopefully not ever

82. Cried when someone died: Only once, but like they were super close. 

83. Fallen for a friend: Of course

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84. Yourself:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

85. Miracles: I don’t know, I don’t think so lol.

86. Love at first sight: Not necessarily 

87. Santa Claus: He hurt me :/ I stayed up all night waiting for his ass

88. Kiss on the first date: Doesn’t ever hurt

OTHER

90. Current best friend name: Yikes. Um, I’m super close with Hunter. Oh and Consuelo. 

91. Eye color: poop brown

92. Favorite movie: Maybe lol, the Interview? I honestly don’t even know. i don’t think I have one. The interview isn’t that great, but I always say that haha

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: I don’t know 20 people :/ @gildinliliez @psychol-psychedelic @dragonsinflowercrowns (hoes do it, don’t make me look bad :/ )

[effect-of-games]

Why Play Video Games? (Results from Twitter)

Original Post: “I am doing a project on the effect of video games & why people choose to play video games (in general or why they choose to play specific games). If you guys could weigh in or just simply share to reach more people so that I can get a better perspective that would be great! Ty”

Name: Diven “I play video games to forget my boring life aha, video games make me feel happy.. I feel so much emotions when im playing like idk I adore it ! Oh and also I really think video games help me with my mental health ;; when I was in depression it really helped me a lot” Name: Alexander / @Dakota_ACNH “For me, any single player game that you can play at your own pace with no time limits is what I prefer. I think this is mostly because of the huge amount of anxiety and stress that deadlines bring irl for me, and feeling a little more in control is nice...” “So a lot of open games like Minecraft, animal crossing and Stardew valley where you can pick for yourself are good examples here” Name: Cat / @cannedlotion22 “I play because constantly having to be in reality is difficult, especially with this quarantine happening. Good luck on your paper !” “Project* also to be specific, I play ACNH because it has goals to finish at my own pace so I’m not weighed down by the pressure to finish at the same speed as everyone else.” Name: breanna / @strange_esque “To escape the harsh reality of sadness that I live in” Name: Bella / @ACBellaIsland “I play RPGs mostly & picky about which ones I do play. I don’t like futuristic settings. I love Skyrim, The Witcher III, AC Odyssey, excited for AC Vikings. I’m an introvert/antisocial so I prefer games where I don’t have to interact with people too much.” Name: Tonya / @ACNHAcorn  “I actually started playing as a toddler. My parents were/are big gamers in both video games and things like D&D, so it has just always been a piece of my life!” Name: Katie / @KatieACNH1 “i play video games because if they’re virtual worlds or kinda 1st person games i think it’s fun to imagine living in a different world as a diff person. like since i was little i played virtual world games and always imagined what itd be like if it was real life” “that past description was ass lol but i think u get the point. i also just think theyre fun/engaging when theres nothing else to do” Name: Dakota / @StormAlongIsle “Ive always liked games but I really started playing a lot of rpgs and such when I got into highschool as a coping mechanism bc of mental health trouble...mostly rpgs bc I like that kind of escapism I guess? Hope that helps, and good luck with your project!” Name: Annabel / @ACNHAnnabel “I first played skyrim during the last year of high school because I got really lonely & depressed. For years openworld rps were my how i coped, but since university & making new friends it’s now more of a hobby & I play for fun with friends!” “I played loads when I was a kid (mario pokemon etc) but i grew up & moved on. It was only until I had a bad year that I went back to them as a teenager. Yes it was bc of depression BUT it was ultimatly a good thing bc i found something i love! You can use both my name and handle!” Name: @UmamiACNH “I talk about this a lot with my therapist! As I've aged, games have filled in pockets of what I actually needed in my life. Adventure? WoW. Building? Minecraft. Farming? Stardew Valley. Now that I actually do a good deal of woodworking & farming, those needs are met.” “If you tap into aspects of what you love in games, it creates a good blueprint for what you want IRL, hence why we now have a small farm. I'm highly anxious and need to be able to modify my environment & control food supply to feel secure- so my lifestyle works well for me” Name: Millie / @ACNH_Tahiti “I’ve played Animal Crossing and The Sims for as long as I can remember. It was games me and my 3 sisters would always play together. As I’ve grown up (especially during this time now) I have very low days and games are where I find comfort and can escape from reality for a while.” Name: @tsuncake “Back when I was severely clinically depressed, I played video games as a way to escape my reality and depression. It was an escape from how exhausted I felt, and I didn't have to do things that were tiresome or draining to me.” “Nowadays, I'm medicated and doing much better, so I now play video games either because my friends are playing them--so I use them as an opportunity to socialize. Or, like ACNH, I play them either due to nostalgia or the ability to create things via the game.” Name: Mary / @maryplaysacnh “Honestly they’re therapeutic to me!! That and a good time filler or for multiplayer games to connect with people!!” Name: Liv / @ACNH_MargIsland “i was never into video games growing up, but when i met my boyfriend he played (COD, FIFA, Assassins Creed, etc.) so i got into it as a way to connect with him. now we play together (& get very competitive) so it’s a way for us to connect/bond and be entertained“ Name: Kirie / @ThatsKiwie “I started playing video games bc my dad bought an N64 and my mom learned German while playing Pokémon silver. MMOs where a way for me to talk to other people bc I had no friends IRL and was bullied. So playing games was a way to distract myself from my loneliness, I think. Face with tears of joy” “As I got older it changed and now I play games bc it's fun be in another world and make my own story. Also I used it to take a break from IRL and relax.” Name: Amy / @AmyOfEroda “I really dislike combat games, I’m way too anxious for that! I much prefer games like Sims or Animal Crossing where you can just create and explore. It’s relaxing and satisfying to me!” “I mainly play animal crossing because im not mentally strong enough to just sit and deal with my thoughts and emotions, i like to always be busy doing something so animal crossing is perfect” Name: Barry / @ACNH_Cape_Sable “I've played pleeenty of video games, but during college I racked up about 2.7k hours in TF2. source engine games in general feel like home to me, I sometimes feel like I understand the physics in those games better than irl day to day physics.” “one of the things that sticks out to me about tf2, source engine games, and lots of other games is expressiveness. just using crouch and where your character is looking, you can express frustration, excitement, bellicosity. all kinds of stuff you wouldn't expect!” “I could ramble for a long time about immersion and audio in video games, too, but I don't wanna clog your feed. feel free to dm if you'd want to talk more, I truly love thinking about this shit.” Name: @SickCrxssing “they allow me to feel emotions disconnected from my irl reality, and also as someone OCD it allows me to focus my attention freely and without judgement or distraction when times get hard“ Name: Rei / @Amestris8 “I play just bc I canMan shrugging they’re available to me so I play them. No other reason! Do they help with boredom? Yes. When overwhelmed? Ofc. But the reason I play them isn’t some addiction, it’s just cause I can“