#but i get the sense a lot of people feel like if theyre serious about baking they need a stand mixer

[of-lillies-and-remains]

can we talk about how standmixerbrained some baking recipes are??? you do not need a stand mixer to make cookies. I can appreciate that it's a really excellent tool for people with disabilities and chronic pain. but the way a lot of recipes are written make it seem like you can't make a goddamn snickerdoodle without a $300 kitchenaid.

[aventurineswife]

Hello ^^ How about i request something about reader being like aven in a way that they have walls too (yes, we're usually sweet to him in the established relationships). But like, i'm curious how it'd be for two people with difficulty admitting their own feelings.

Basically: mutual pining with aven and no one is admitting anything because it'd take a lot to admit it. Not in an enemies way, but just because they both think they don't deserve the other. "i think theyre just being nice to me bc i always hangout with them" kind of oblivious but others would think you're both dating. Until someone like topaz or ratio got fed up with it lol. I'd love to see your take on this.

Thank you! Please do whatever you can with this description, I believe in you ♪

“Don't you want me like I want you, baby? Don't you need me like I need you now?”

Summary: You and Aventurine, despite your deep feelings for one another, have built emotional walls that keep you from confessing. Both of you believe the other is just being nice, too oblivious to realize you're mutually pining. That is, until Topaz and Ratio grow tired of watching the two of you dance around your feelings and step in to smack some sense into you.

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Confession in the Rain, Fluff, Emotional Vulnerability, Topaz & Ratio Being Matchmakers, Subtle Romantic Gestures, Light Angst with a Happy Ending.

Warnings: Minor self-doubt and insecurity from both characters

A/N: THIS IS SUCH A CUTE PROMPT!! 😭 AND I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS!! ESPECIALLY BEFORE AVENTURINE AND YOU WOULD GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP, THIS SUITS SO WELL!! THANK YOU FOR THIS PROMPT AND BELIEVING IN ME!!🤭🫶💖 I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!

(Ifyk the title yk🤭)

Keep sending those requests y'all, I love reading and writing about them 🫶🤭💖

The click of glasses clinking echoed through the room as a sea of gold and velvet flowed around you. The IPC’s high-profile event had you standing at the corner of the lavish hall, drink in hand, stealing glances at Aventurine across the room. He was his usual self, smiling that easy, carefree grin while chatting up the attendees, his sandy-blond hair perfectly styled, magenta and cyan eyes gleaming.

You sighed softly, feeling the familiar tightness in your chest.

It was so obvious to everyone else—the stolen glances, the shared moments of quiet company, the lingering touches that could be dismissed as nothing. To you, though, it was an enigma. You couldn’t fathom that Aventurine, with his charm and confidence, could actually feel something for you. No, he was just being nice, right? He was always kind to those close to him.

But maybe that’s all you were—a close friend. A confidante.

"Of course, he doesn't feel anything more..." you muttered, running a hand through your hair, as if the action would sweep away the doubt.

Unbeknownst to you, Aventurine was having a similar struggle. Even as he entertained the crowd, his mind was on you. He hadn’t been able to shake that tightening in his chest every time your gazes met across the room. He knew you were kind, gentle even, but surely, you were just being nice because of how often you spent time together. And he? He certainly didn’t deserve you. Not with the walls he kept up.

His fingers played with the roulette-detailing on his sleeve as he watched you from the corner of his eye. ‘How could someone so warm even look my way?’ Aventurine thought. The idea of confessing, of breaking the silence, seemed too daunting—too risky, even for someone like him who played with fate itself.

It was a strange dance, this oblivious pining. And everyone around you was done watching it.

“Are you serious?” Topaz’s voice cut through the polite conversation with the sharpness of a blade. She stood there, arms crossed, one eyebrow raised in an almost imperious arch as she sized you and Aventurine up.

“What are you talking about?” you asked, trying to play dumb.

Topaz narrowed her eyes. “You and Aventurine. Everyone in the IPC knows. Heck, even Numby knows.”

Ratio, standing beside her, shook his head, clearly exasperated. “It’s painful to watch, honestly. You two are practically dating without even realizing it. How much longer are you both going to keep this up?”

A flush crept up your cheeks, and you felt your heart stumble over itself. “W-what? No. We’re not—”

“Oh, please,” Topaz interjected, rolling her eyes. “Don’t even try that excuse. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. It’s like you’re the only one in the room. And don’t even get me started on how you gaze at him when you think no one’s watching.”

You were stunned into silence, and Ratio sighed, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Don’t overthink it. Just… talk to him. He’s probably thinking the same things you are.”

As if on cue, you spotted Aventurine making his way to the exit, slipping away unnoticed by the crowd. The sky outside had turned stormy, and you felt something twist in your chest, urging you to follow.

The rain poured down in a steady rhythm as you caught up to Aventurine, his overcoat already soaked, but he didn’t seem to mind. His back was to you as he stood under the awning, staring out into the storm.

“Hey,” you called out, breathless from both the rush and the nerves building inside you. “Aventurine, wait!”

He turned at the sound of your voice, and for a moment, his expression was unreadable. You felt the words stick in your throat, the intensity of the moment hanging heavy between you.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked, his voice softer than usual.

You swallowed hard, heart hammering as you took a step closer. “I… needed to talk to you.”

His eyes flickered with something—hope, maybe? But also a hint of wariness. “What about?”

Taking a deep breath, you searched for the right words, every inch of you trembling with nerves. “Topaz and Ratio—they think we’re dating. And, well, I… I didn’t know what to say.”

Aventurine stiffened slightly, his gaze dropping to the ground. “Oh...” was all he managed, voice unusually quiet.

You hurried to fill the silence. “They said we’ve been acting like we’re… more than friends, but I didn’t think you’d—”

His gaze snapped back to yours, a flash of emotion crossing his face before he schooled it into that familiar smile. “And what do you think?” he asked, but his voice was a little too casual, too light.

“I think…” you hesitated, your walls creeping back up, fighting the vulnerability of the moment. “I think I’ve been lying to myself.”

That caught his attention, and he straightened, the air between you charged with tension. The rain drummed softly around you, a perfect backdrop to the storm of emotions swirling within.

“I’ve been telling myself you were just being kind to me. Because I was around, or because I was useful, I don’t know. I thought I didn’t deserve you.” you admitted, the weight of the confession making your chest tighten.

Aventurine stared at you, stunned into silence. His smile faltered, and in its place, something softer, more raw, slipped through. “You thought you didn’t deserve me?” he murmured, incredulity coloring his tone. “All this time…”

He chuckled, but there was no humor in it—just a deep, aching understanding. “I’ve been thinking the same thing. That you were just being nice because I was there. That maybe I didn’t deserve someone like you.”

Your heart clenched at the vulnerability in his voice, the real him peeking through.

He took a step closer, his hand reaching out to brush a strand of hair from your face, the rain still falling around you both. “I thought… if I let myself hope for more, I’d lose you.”

You swallowed hard, overwhelmed by the depth of his words. “I’m not going anywhere.” you whispered, voice trembling.

And then, before either of you could second-guess yourselves, you closed the remaining distance, your lips crashing together in a kiss that was both hesitant and fervent. The rain soaked through your clothes, but you didn’t care—the warmth of the kiss, of finally closing that distance, was all that mattered.

When you finally pulled apart, breathless, Aventurine’s smile was different—softer, more real. “Guess we’ve both been fools, haven’t we?”

You laughed, the tension between you finally breaking as the rain continued to fall. “Yeah, I guess we have.”

From a nearby window, Topaz and Ratio watched with satisfied grins.

“Took them long enough.” Topaz muttered, arms crossed, a smirk on her face.

Ratio nodded. “At least now we can stop pretending we didn’t see all those obvious looks.”

[buckgettingstruck]

here to ask about the camera panning to eddie. give me the freak answer pls

when i saw that shit airing i yelled and spilled wine on my carpet.

like. i feel like this is common sense but i dont know if people realize how intentional each second of a show/movie is. like whether the show is a silly sitcom or a serious drama everything is so intentional and purposeful. of course theres always continuity errors and mistakes that happen when you’re creating a show of that size thats been running for so long but for the most part everything has its intentions. its why you see certain themes come back again and again. im not gonna get into outfit meta or anything like that because its not really my wheelhouse but i did learn a lot about camera techniques and im a writer so. yeah.

shots are one of the most important aspects of a movie or a tv show. they set the mood. close up shots convey intensity and emotion while more wide shots establish a scene etc. they gave us a lot of close up shots of eddie’s face in the kim and eddie scene at the end of 7x09 because it was an intense moment for eddie as a character for example. you have to get the shot right to convey what you want your audience to see yknow.

so. you have the medal ceremony. they couldve done the announcements for these people in literally any order because they fucking wrote the script. they didnt do it alphabetically or anything normal they literally had the trio of triangulated desire standing in the back with buck in the middle AGAIN while chim and hen were being normal and serving cunt up front. and when they were sitting they had buck in the middle again because reasons. then once they got their medals itd pan to their families and significant others clapping. ofc for tommy they pan to buck because thats the person there supporting him. for BUCK they had so many options. they had bobby, his captain that he verbally said was his father figure the next episode, they had maddie, his fucking SISTER AND THE WOMAN WHO RAISED HIM, and they had tommy, the dude he’s dating. instead they pan to eddie.

literally that is the absolute LOUDEST fucking thing the show has done so far in my opinion. they panned to buck for tommy!!! they couldve panned back to buck or done it in a different order if they didnt wanna repeat so they could pan to them for each other!!! but they panned to eddie and the director of photography was even emphasizing that choice on twitter.

the entire bi arc had eddie written all over it. they had so many opportunities to shove their relationship to the side and double down on their friendship but they didnt. instead we had buck tweaking at the gym where we have no idea who eddie was even talking to on that phone, eddie constantly mentioned by buck in a kiss scene with someone else, the line of all time ‘MY attention?’, eddie interrupting the date next episode, buck not even giving a FUCK about the date because he lied to eddie, the shit maddie said that episode about being confused about his feelings, eddie saying nothing is gonna change between them (which. thats a chekov’s gun if ive ever seen one), and all the entire shit with the bachelor party. not even mentioning the implications of the song choice for the karaoke scene that paralleled madney because we didnt get it in the episode. they couldve completely avoided all of that but they didnt and then when buck is dating someone else they dont pan to HIM being happy and supportive for buck, they pan to EDDIE. it feels as if its supposed to remind us what’s actually going on or another attempt to clue us in

also like right after they had the two who were dating acting as acquaintances. and had that guy also kinda put buck’s excitement down at said ceremony. and later in that episode had buck ditch plans with the guy he was dating to make sure eddie was okay. for reasons i guess. so buddie canon or theyre doing a real bad job at getting me to care about bucks actual man

[layraket]

THERE WAS AN UPDATE SLEEPING? WHATS THAT??

first of all we start with this beautiful shot

god thats some cool architecture i have no words clapping

Wind is so ready to kick that lizard's ass i love him

this confirms the fact that theyre in the same place but in a different era (also i swear im convinced that this place takes place at least no far from Hyrule's era, the statue behind Legend and the corridors inside are almost the same as in Zelda1 and 2)

that was the worst joke i have heard today good job rulie lots of kudos /lh

the boys entering a place where they could find the most dangerous shit in all Hyrule, and then there's my girl who is having the best lunch ever

when i first read this i almost spit all my water on my phone cuz. Wars my man these people are like. crazy with dungeon crawl. you can't say that and expect a normal reaction.

their expressions are gold no notes

TIME'S SIDE EYE LMAO

Sky looking concerned, and Wars with the most "i dont know what is everyones problem but alright" face i love him

In a war there's no time to explore or search for things that can be useful, or even search for clues, less with the fact that youre leading an army. There was no puzzle, no mistery to solve or objects that needed to be obtained, just plain fight and confrontation, not leaving space for investigation or even a good rest in town

They have a point, without exploring they wouldn't have the arsenal that they carry; powerful items that can kill a whole army of monsters, a gift left by the hero before them to help, shinies. All that is really useful when you want to save the whole kingdom

lets not forget all the weapons that you can get on HW, there are some that are like, crazy powerful, and the materials get from the enemies are also really helpful

guys i think youre the only crazy people who love to enter a random place full of monsters and maybe a demon lord or smth

OK THIS IS THE PANNEL WHERE I WANTED TO TALK A LITTLE ABT

This reminds me of this short comic where Wild was almost grabbed by a wallmaster, do this takes place some time before this scene?? or just from another time?? I find possible the first option cuz Wild looks more wary the whole update, like if he already found out what will happends if he puts his guard down

Also the fact that the closest thing that he had as a dungeon were the Divine Beast and the shrines, which both of them lacked a lot of things that were usually in the clasic zelda's dungeons, like keys, mini bosses, special object and pots.

Hyrule my guy you dont. have to scare him like that. i hate these things too but calm down.

fucking gremlin /pos

taking this as an opportunity to talk about how Legend's behaviour has been seen changed in the past updates, he's more relaxed and playful, taking a moment to just have fun and prank the rest of the chain

this reminds me

here is left clear that he's still young, maybe not even on his twenties, and now after that stressfull time with Twi being on the verge of death it makes sense that he feels the need of just, goof around to cope after all that

Yes he's the most experienced, yes is maybe the most powerful of them, but he's still a young boy who was dragged to all this, he deserves to have some fun

happy guy :)

and then we have Time, he looks like Not Having A Good Time™

Messy hair Warriors <3

also i know we all put Sky as one of the adults, but cmon he's a little shit as much as the rest, thats why he finds funny Legend's joke

Wild my man you good? like im genuinely asking at this point, it is weird seeing him so serious

god thats such a cool design of a skulltula, its so scary 10/10

Wild has never seen in his life a spider of this size, so it makes sense him just, straight up getting surprised by that thing

OUGHH I FELT THAT

Sky being right-handed looks like a problem in this closed space, soon or later it would make some troubles

Legend no offence but did you see the little accident they had right there. like. that really hurts if you ask me.

Okay Time is really at his limit here, the past days has been hell for him with the stress of almost loosing the one that he might see as his son, and seeing all the boys just playing around is not helping. Theyre all heroes, they should take this danger seriously if they want to stop all danger.

He wants to protect the ones that he cares for, even if he has to snap for it.

Here he might be planning to team up with Twi and Wind? The youngest seems to have gained his attention as his second successor. He will make anything it takes to not let all of them get hurt, and with everything he means it

Just wait when he learns that Legend is also his successor, automatically adopted

NOW MY FAV PARTS WITHOUT COMMENTARY!!!

SOMEHOW I GOT THE IMAGE LIMIT???? I DIDNT THOUGHT THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE ON WEB

anyways have confused warriors as the last one pls aprecciate him

tumblr pls let me eat the art i beg you

art credits as always towards @linkeduniverse! always feeling blessed with all this fantastic work!

[nordidia]

May I request some pain, Raph flavored

Pretty pleaseeeee

i hope i dont sound angry writing this, but please dont send/ask me stuff like this! i've gotten a lot of similar asks like this and this is scary for me but i need to set a boundary!

.

i dont like making "angst" or sad things, i dont make non-happy content for the sake of inflicting pain, and i dont like people assuming/thinking i do! i make it for meaningful emotional impact, i dont want people to tell me how much they like that i "put raph through pain" or assume im appealing to people who like doing that .. it makes me very sad!

i dont make "angst" to purely hurt characters, im making fanart of a character with emotional depth, and to explore the character's reaction to serious matters, and to let people know that theyre not alone, and that struggling can look like many things

some of the most motivating things ive been told by people who like my comics is that it's helped them (and their therapist sometimes!) figure out what was up with them, because i write a lot of things such as ptsd and anxiety and general mental pain to look different than the media portrays. because there really is alot of forms mental issues can take, and not all of them get portrayed, which leaves real people wondering "whats wrong with me" when its right there, just different form!

i think the closest i'll get to making it "just because" is vent art, but that too has meaning. and i will specify when its vent art for that very reason. to say "this isnt necessarily me exploring anything, or canonical, its to make myself feel less alone, and hopefully, the people seeing this as well"

and thats why i make the content i do, its not because i enjoy putting characters i like through bad things,,, in fact, i often hesitate/regret posting because i feel bad about the things i create for the sake of this. but i try to look past it because it can genuinely help a lot of people, and it does help myself too.

i think that assuming i make emotional stuff just for the sake of pain takes away from that.. i try very hard to not over-do sad stuff and i often cut down on it because i dont want to overwhelm people with it, and to prove that i only do the necessities for the sake of healing from the things i put emphasis on

any of the pain i "put them through" is my take on what they've canonically been through, and exploring their reaction and way to deal with the aftermath of that. nothing more,,, nothing less.

ugly things are still worth talking about, especially for the sake of healing growth

this got alot i hope i made sense uhh yeah!! yeah.,, apolocheese!!

TL;DR: i personally make pain for the necessity of healing, not because i think its fun

and now back to our regularly scheduled program

[deadtiredghost]

I feel like people misinterpret 03 Raph and Mikey like Raph isn’t just the angry dumb brute and Mikey isn’t just the clown.

oh yeah, 100%, and with 03 which has so many great character-centered episodes too!!!

It suprises me how many ppl reduce characters - especially when they dont reduce all characters equally but say reduce one to big the other up (does that make sense? Like i see a lot of people love Donnie so they gotta bash Raph or vice versa for some reason, not just with 03 but with all the itterations rlly)

I like how 03!Raph has clear flaws, sure, but he works hard on them, especially his anger issues where he kinda would be justified for blowing up and getting angry with how many of the issues they go through escalate to life-threatning situations, but he always does really well in keeping a cool head. Overall there are so many points where he is thoughtful, he's such a sweet person

doesnt 03!raph actively chose to flee rather than fight humans at some points? like he could have fought and won but he didn't want to hurt humans who are effectively defensless against him. Raph is also really good with kids and of course Mrs Morrison - who could forget - like there are several episodes centering on how gentle he is with the civillians he interacts with.

i love so much how 03!Mikey is so chaotic and sometime rlly mean, like he has a lot of lines that are just kinda mean despite how thoughtful he is sometimes, which just shows me his immaturety, which i love to see in a canonically teenage character, cause the 03 turtles are so mature most of the time sometimes u forget theyre 15.

He enjoys his pranks, which is a trademark for Mikeys rlly, and he likes to annoy his brothers like any sibling would, but also, I think from a writer's perspective, you kinda need a character like Mikey in the group to lighten up the show - without Mikey there to brighten the mood, the sense of humour isnt a sign of immatureyu but an essential part of balancing the relationships between the siblings - their tendencies to argue and be too serious. Mikey makes the bad days bareable for his brothers, and that along with his being rather astute at reading his siblings (like his comments about Leo working hard and being responsible so the rest of them dont have to be), i think that the brothers very much value Mikey's humour.

03!Mikey is also rlly forgiving and understanding of a lot of situations, for example in season 1 when Raph nearly hit him way too hard out of anger, Mikey is just worried for Raph not angry at all that he nearly got hurt - i like to attribute that a lot to the amount of trust Mikey has in his bros to not hurt him as well as how Mikey understands that everyone has their own perspective to things - like if someone shoves into u on the street while some people might be annoyed that the person didn't say sorry, Mikey would probs shrug it off as that person being in a rush or just having a bad day - which speaks miles to his emotional maturity.

Also insert here: one of Raph's happiest memories being shoving Mikey's head into his birthday cake (from that one brainwashing episode)

03 Splinter did so well raising all his kids - Raph and Mikey included, theyre all just such lovely ppl and so mature for their age.

if i were gonna describe mikey and raph in one word, it would be "passionate" for Raph and "carefree" for Mikey.

They are also goobers tho; this is the duality of turtle.

[cogmented]

how do you come up with your designs for mcyt’s? theyre so creative and cool so i thought id ask

THANK YOU AND THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION

now entering yap city tihs will be a long post

my steps are basically

voice

personality

og look of minecraft skin/branding

player movement

other ppls fanart (if any)

things that happened/cultural associations

i start with a bunch of random sketches to get the feel of the person.. that's why so many of my early posts were doodle pages. to me, character design is more based on what the person is like rather than what they look like. i think a lot of people do that

I do this with all of the above and shape language, but in bigger art pieces outside of lineups i also use color and perspective (as in youll see more of someone like spepticle in large, sweeping scenes while someone like zam in closed, heavily perspective-based ones) to indicate personality. ill change designs when suited for this too (spoke with or without a gas mask, vi with or without a mouth, etc etc)

my first iteration of lifesteal designs heavily relied on the look of the skins and were gradually tweaked over time. my most prominent example of this is my spoke design, so i'll use him at least once in the examples for continuous comparison.

i watch a couple of each person's videos first, understand their voice, personality, and what they do, then focus on them in other people's videos too to get a full story, their movement, and what others think of them (helps with personality and things we might not see). streams are the most helpful because they're less biased and you see so much more of their antics. huge stream fan.

i get into the how after this

this process doesnt go in order for some designs and others have a more prominent focus on particular parts of the process that override or effect other parts

Voice

starting off with not spoke here's a problem i encountered when designing wemmbu

I based him a lot off of spoke and ashswag due to not knowing much about him besides the fact that he schemes (spoke&ash-esque) and he doesn't move his character around too much when talking (ash behavior). he didn't match the left one because his voice doesn't have the dramatic, flamboyant fratboy flair that spoke has, so I shifted it to be more friendly yet still dangerous with curved square shapes rather than triangles. i made his scheming, diabolical nature more evident through his clothing that's pretty jester-like and sharp, but with a smoother middle that spoke doesn't have (and to match his eyes).

voice also impacts character height. i dont know how to describe this. mapicc and zam are similar heights because their voices are similar, same goes for parrot and vortex, but leo and vitalasy are close to the same height (due to vitalasy's huge fuckass ears) despite having wildly different voices, with leo's bold text voice and vitalasy's higher-pitched jumbled kinda speech they still take up the same "amount of space" in conversation. they stand out. and even though spoke's voice also stands out an incredible amount he is still only slightly taller than average. this is where personality overrides voice in my designs.

Personality

spoke is sharp in every sense of the word, but is also able to mold himself around to get what he needs.

my first attempt at him was pretty lackluster. i didn't know much of him at the time, only his wither video, and thus understood him mainly through his association with parrot. he seemed a lot more evil and more serious at first glance. like woah! fully fledged mouth and nose?! not anymore.

i cover certain expressive parts to also depict more of their personality in some abstract, holistic way. after watching streams and whatnot, spoke doesnt actually speak (excluding his random sounds and yips or whatever he does) too terribly much, except when the spotlight is on him or he's trying to get something. so, i tweaked his design to encompass that when i understood him better.

i take away his arms to allow his hands to stand out more (character movement thing, he moves around a lot when no one is paying attention to him, punches the air when ..not talking but making a point ig. he's a big fan of hovering menacingly), i give him a slinky-like outside skeletal structure to both capture his affinity for withers (i made him a wither thing because of the wither sounds in his video.. and the withers in general) and to give him the feeling of more freedom with his movement.

i also just really like gas masks so. basically, spoke is someone that hides away until he chooses to stand out. thank lord heaven he looks like some shadow creature.

later on i gave him more magenta highlights, especially in the wormhole era because 1. magenta wasnt heavily included in his rainbow look, making it stand out on his whole being, and 2. because magenta is really really cool and people should use it more.

og minecraft skin/branding

hi spokeis here. this will be quick because his branding is so heavy. lightning, rainbow, black. boom. character. withers and white eyes? easy. causes a lot of anarchy? again, lightning and withers.

planetlord on the other hand is someone i greatly differed from the og skin and branding. i saw the design in a vision idk. i shift his colors all the time in different pieces but i use more of his pfp colors now because there's too many purples in this world. his branding, personality, and voice all connect very well. a bit misleading, he's a bit of a weasel.

Movement

i never used to look into movement, but pvp styles and conversational movement of lifesteal is intriguing. unfortunately it was only something i started paying attention to during the end of s4 because vitalasy's movement was so interesting. he's a big fan of getting in people's faces.

ill be real, i didn't really notice spoke a lot during things because he was almost always never alone, and when he was it is always at a distance or you knew he had people to back him up.

spoke's movement isn't actually too abnormal. he's goal oriented and tends to always be doing something, and when he does he finds the most efficient way possible. pretty basic. his design choices are based mainly on voice and personality.

someone like mapicc on the other hand has very particular movement. he spins around people when fighting and gets right up in their face (in nethpot pvp mostly), so i made his clothing tighter to the skin with looser parts to accentuate that movement: practical clothing for close combat battles. it was also noticed (by the lord) that he tends to look straight forward instead of the slightly down that most players do.

zam fights differently, but i made him with the og branding (he's princezam) and what he does in mind. his body language in my art is more indicative of his personality.

Other people's fanart

shoutout the community, a notable amount of ideas were from the mid-late 2022 lifesteal community.

dog leowook and leather jacket mapicc were from gen, jackalope rek from aoi i think, "croptop" jacket spoke from saints-blade, snail terrain from navy-leader, tv ashswag from kish, sock puppet red definitely from someone i dont remember, 4 armed squiddo from seri, and old cartoon jaron was from bucket

Things that happened/istarted talking about cultural inspirations

spoke and his connection to godhood influenced his redesign greatly. this section affects what the character wears most of the time.

i give both spoke and vitalasy painted palms (alta) due to their connection with godhood and destruction, with spoke in particular reminding me a lot of Kali Ma, thus i gave him a skirt (due to nppp too). vitalasy's clothing is based on Indonesian cultural clothing. wemmbu's also takes inspiration from Indonesian and Bhutan cultural clothing.

indigenous cultures inspired some designs too (i do a lot of ethnographic anthropology work with some of the tribes i base the clothing off of), with woogie having Yupik and Inuit inspiration. polar bear = cold climate in my head. and leo has Haida and Yunnan (minority Chinese providence, not a tribe) inspiration.

bacon's... not bacon strip design's clothing was based on Bangladeshi clothing (im Bangladeshi, i also added alpona patterns to ash's design), nomadic cultures, and some german pilgrim thing?? idk not my best design. i specifically looked for nomadic inspiration because of his willingness to flee at any moment lol. i didnt do this for rek despite his fleeing reputation because i dont watch rek content too much and he already had hybrid traits that took care of that presentation.

poafa's design is a goat because of the medusa trials where he was used as a scapegoat. makes sense i think. his horns are from past associations with jepex that infected mapicc as well (devil trio s1). zam's design is very much from s3 empire and s4 castle.

planet's design changed slightly, mostly rounder shapes, but also the number of "spikes" on his scarf, now stuck at three because of 3ht.. and easier to draw than five. minutetech has a bow instead of a bowtie from jumper due to s5 happenings. the gem on his crown has wemmbu's highlights from his gem's main color.

roshambo's design was also heavily influenced by medusa where i gave him a snake body. in my art that depicts before medusa events he doesn't have the snake body, and same goes with before s4 spoke where i draw him with full pants. in some sketches ive depicted mapicc with a muzzle only after the destruction of s4 spawn due to quix's mapicc dog influence shoutout.

mapicc and ro have matching things that persist seasons (mapicc periwinkle collar, ro red painted ring finger... head finger?), as did subz and vitalasy with matching shoulder pads (beginning of s4 subz had a bandana and vitalasy had a bell that traded between them through artworks of mine) Vitalasy also gained sun and moon earrings. mid and 4c have matching hoods/cloaks ^_^ marriage or something.

hope this made sense and covered everything you could have ever wanted forever... feel free to ask me questions i love explaining processes

[lyss-sketchbox]

Ok coming off anon because I'm trying to conquer the constant social anxiety lmao (same person who sent you Longass Thoughts on Natlan AQ) - SO YEAH personally I like Ei's character but foaming a bit at the mouth because I feel like my favorite parts of her character (namely she was NOT ready to be the archon when makoto kicked the bucket, she's got that good ol' warrior-weapon mindset knocking around in there- having her actually confront the ugly truth of the consequences of her actions was such a missed opportunity. it would've been SO good to see her actually get confronted personally without any sugarcoating. i think her learning to be less of a shitty archon would've been so much better then)

also like. im sure there were a lot of ways to improve Inazuma's story but personally i thought it would've been cooler if kokomi was a bit more. morally grey lmao. like willing to do not-so-nice things to fight god because that's what they're doing. mortals attempting to defy the god that holds dominion over their land (bc the electro archon isn't really Watatsumi's god specifically!! bc uh lmao ei killed him lol)

but yea for real in natlan every "serious problem" was severely undercut by "actually it's all good now" like "kachina is totally fine after being chased by the abyss in the afterlife, she was protected by the wayob so it's all good and she's also mentally ok" and it's like what. what are you talking about.

AND THE ARchON thing i feel like im the only one who has a gripe. tbf the story is not done yet BUT MY QUESTION IS CELESTIA ALLOWED A HUMAN (MULTIPLE EVEN) TO ASCend to the divine throne???? Like what??? IT feels like it runs counter to everything-

and like uh feels like we got really really far away from like. when you talk about the archon war in liyue it was a literal bloodbath. sacrifices upon sacrifices were made, the modern day liyue was built upon the corpses of friend and foe alike because there was no other choice. you couldn't abstain, you would die.

but in natlan???? no gods??? what???? im just losing it more than a bit over here that natlan is trying simultaneously to be a grim land of constant war but also sunshine friendship and rainbows.

at this point im prepared to be disappointed and just crossing my fingers the good writing comes back for snezhnaya's AQ bc if they fuck up snezhnaya i will literally never forgive them

Its all good man, youre so welcome to debate and talk off anon, we may disagree but never hate.

Im putting all my ramblings under cut since its gonna be as equally long and spoilery hdjsnsn

About Ei

I completely forgot about how Ei was originally a kagemusha, a weapon for her sister, her sister did all the archon work while Ei simply stood by her side. Its makes perfect sense that after the death of her sister, she would make very bad not thought out decisions and because she is an archon now, those bad decisions has really really bad aftermaths.

I personally do not have any gripes about her being basically clueless about the outside world. Grief manifests in different ways and locking yourself away and justifying it as a twisted way to gain enlightment of eternity the way your sister did, it can make sense. It is a consequence!! She is clueless of how to be an archon and what is going on in her nation, her SQ could have been used to show her trying to understand and emphatize with her people to be a better archon. NOT A REASON TO MAKE HER AN uwu sad defenseless waifu cant cook and doesnt know anything. Brother she fucking killed people and almost destroyed her nation.

About Kokomi

I like the idea of morally grey kokomi actually. It makes alot of sense. Kokomi and the watatsumi people might have some vishap descendance but they are still humans, even less so with visions. Theyre also lacking the supplies and expertise needed to continue a war with an entire nation and its archon. It would make sense that she would accept the fatuis help since they share the sentiment of 'getting to inazuma and its archon'.

But it was shown she wasnt even aware who the anonymous donor is, hell she wasnt aware people where using delusions until people starts dying. And for a girl who wrote an entire guide book with 100 different alternate plans, HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS COMING...............

About Natlan's system

Yeah they really brushed off the dying part and potentially being stuck in genshin limbo if you dont get out in time too casually. The tiny child you retrieved from limbo also is... very chill and not mentally scarred or anything, she wasnt putting up a brave face, she was simply unaffected?????? One on kachina's voiceovers is gonna talk about her death but im not friendship 4 with her yet. I hope it explains SOMETHING.

Yeah the first time i heard that the archon was human and has been replaced multiple times had me gawking too, i can excuse that Celestia has been strangely inactive FOR NOW.

I wanted to bring up how the hydro archon throne being broken and Neuvi regaining his sovernity didnt even call Celestia to action but GUESS WHAT??? I DONT KNOW IF NATLAN HAPPENED BEFORE OR AFTER FONTAINE BECAUSE THEY DECIDE TO LOWER THE REQUIREMENTS TO DO NATLAN AQ!!!!!!! But well if it happened after (since Neuvis end dialogue told us to go to Natlan next), well... Celestia isnt called either so theyve just been inactive for 500 years of Natlans weird system ig.

About the """Nation of War"""

Yeah man. Sacrifices and war was dealt better in liyue. Same as Natlan, it is a nation built of war. There was war in the past, sacrifices were made to built the liyue we know now. But the sacrifices in liyue was not brushed off or belittled, those sacrifices had meaning and the people of liyue hold very high regards for the fallen. In Natlan? Its treated like some sort of sick hunger games event, they made war into entertainment.

Oh but they need the tournaments to keep the natlan fire alive. THEN RUN A SEPERATE FUCKING TOURNEY?????? MAKE EVERYONE WHO HAS AN ANCIENT NAME HAVE PROPER TRAINING AND GO TO WAR IN ARMIES PROPER???? THIS SHIT DOESNT NEED TO BE ENTERTAINMENT AND YET YOU DID. Maybe the flames are small BECAUSE YOU PICK ONLY 5 PEOPLE EVERYTIME WHEN THERES LITERALLY NO REASON VETERANS LIKE KINICH AND MUALANI TO SIT IT OUT JUST BECAUSE THEY LOST.

Oh but the ode of resurrection only works on limited people THEN SEND OUT THE BEST PEOPLE THEN???????? MUALANI, A 3 TIMES VETERAN, LOST TO KACHINA. CLEARLY THE TOURNEYS ARENT RELIABLE TO PICK WHO TO SEND.

While i can understand that while Liyue is past war and Natlan is still in war, this is... not how people in war act. The entertainment the happiness the hospitality. Its not efforts to keep morale high its literally just... happy people, sometimes they get attacked by abyss monsters yeah cool but otherwise theyre completely happy just living like that. Thats why the Nation of War thing isnt working at all, these people are not how people STILL IN WAR act. Theres no anxiety no uncertainty no worry at all, not even a smidget. These people live like happy prospering people.

You know what happened to people tryna be happy prospering people while still in war in liyue? Havria.

I hope they bring back the high AR requirement for snezhnaya so snezhnaya can be chronologically correct. I hope they take snezhnaya seriously. I hope Natlan atleast wont pull an inazuma and tripped at the very end

NONE OF THAT POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BS EITHER I didnt believe it when mualani fucking knocked it over our heads over and over and over again and its not gonna work now.

[djpachipikachu]

do graves!leosagi ever get tired of their friends/family labelling them?? like maybe leo’s bros make fun of him for having a “boyfriend” and he gets like rightfully irritated by that ?

its Kinda amusing bc eventually leo’s family at least straight up thinks theyre just really good pals and its like wow ! friendship ! in a more oblivious sense like they just kinda shrug and go oh yeah usagi’s here again whatever

originally mikey was insanely insanely suspicious of usagi and what his relationship was with leo (“hes literally just a friend” “YOU MEAN A BOY-FRIEND. AND U NEVER TOLD US.” “what am i supposed 2 say do i update u guys every time i make a friend” “If I See This Fuckinf Rabbit Sleeping In Your Bed Again I’m Telling Dad” “WE WERE HAVING A SLEEPOVER”) (mikey was mainly shocked bc leo invited a friend to sleepover who they didnt know And leo didnt tell anyone there was an extra mouth to feed for brekkie) but once everything was smoothed over usagi just became another regular, similar to how april is

leo himself tells raph that its a little more than that but only raph rly knows it and hes always had a hunch about them so it didnt change much in how the brotjers saw the two

usagi’s family on the other hand is definitely more “Boyfriend? boyfriend? boyfriend? crush? romance?” kitsune teases usagi about how dramatically romantic it must be to fall for a guy he hated in the beginning and usagi is like . so filled with Eugh. This Is Not Romantic. ick feeling that it causes him to be more in denial at how close he’s gotten with leo (in the beginning at least , later on kitsune still teases him but he’s more at ease with how him and leo are, so he always jusy goes “ew no im not kissing him dates r gross” but over time she toned it down to more “ooh is someone missing a certain kappa?” kinda teasing rather than “whens the wedding/has your first kiss happened yet lmao/etc” kinda teasing)

hana calls leo his boyfriend like all the time and like . usagi doesnt rly correct her bc she’s 8 and he doesnt know how to explain that they “arent Really boyfriends sure they do things that couples would do sometimes but its platonic and well you dont rly know what platonic means uh”

so she gets a pass on all her “IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND” comments since usagi is just like “yeagh its leo u wanna say hi”

auntie notices how leo visits a lot and she kinda just is like “okay ur like my kid now. lol.” she thinks they are just best friends bc usagi said they are and who is she to think otherwise, she kinda just absorbs leo (and later on the hamatos) as her own family and doesnt question their relatiomship much

chizu and gen tend to stay out of usagi’s personal business like that But gen did think that leo was a girl for a good while before he was ever introduced to him . and he was like “usagi if you wanna pick up the ladies u need like. do better. than this” “what. What” “like take a shower man” trying to give him flirting/relationship advice without actually knowing leo at all and also assuming usagi is straight

all in all its never really serious if people call them boyfriends or just best friends bc they dont really care to correct anyone it only matters if its like “so did you hit the [insert romantic relationship milestone] phase yet haha” bc that gets tiring to hear constantly

mainly all their family is just like “oh okay” at their relationship since i dont Really want to make the hardships of being aroace or being queer a big point since we already struggle enough with that irl ! a few details here and there about how their unlabelled status confuses some people but generally just a “we’ve seen weirder shit who cares” kinda energy to it

i love rambling . Thank you for the wuestion ily /p

[wickjump]

GRAHHHH HOLY FUCK

THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS???????? IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ON MY MIND BUT I NEVER KNEW I WAS ALLOWED TO LIKE

ACTUALLY NOT LIKE IT

AAAAAAAAAA

gnawing on the bones of the passage of time rn brb

NO CAUSE LIKE, 2016 UT FANDOM COME BACKKK, I CAN ACTUALLY MAKE SHIT NOW?? I CAN ACTUALLY APPRECIATE YOU PROPERLY NOW GRAHHH

lowkey i miss all the amino ads/spondorships now lmao, at some point it just felt like amino sponsered every single undertale content creator jshsjs/positive

it had it's issues no doubt but fuckkkk, it feels like the atmospheres then and now are so different it doesn't even feel like the same fandom anymore if that makes sense? 

ngl i kinda miss the sans fangirls? they were such a staple part of the community back then grahhhh (help i still remember when almost everyone was laughing at the fangirls that, just in general, new/young artists got dragged in too? ugh i dunno, i never really watched those 'cring comps' but i wasn't a fan lmao /lighthearted)

it felt like such a community, it *was* a community

when did everything get so divided

can we all just rp 2016 ut fandom for the rest of our lives

ugh now that i see another person talk about it, my brain just opened the floodgates and im speedrunning the grieving process JHSHSJHS 

"it'll never be the same anymore" okay and sure i could be graceful about it but also what if someone has to drag me kicking and screaming

GRAHHHHHHHHH (love you sm for this op, KEEP SPEAKING YER TRUTHHH!! RAHHHHHHHH)

THANK YOU!!!! i will forever speak my truth thank you anon

things got divided and genuinely it doesn’t feel like the same fandom at all. the fandom on twitter feels nothing like the fandom on tiktok or on tumblr. and because so many people don’t have tumblr now, despite how tumblr is the utmv fandom’s medium, it’s difficult to get the people together like they used to. someone could be famous on tumblr, everyone knows their name and their ocs, but on twitter nobody knows who they are. tiktok has plenty of tumblr reposts but theyre also in the dark a lot of the time. it’s disconnected.

the community would be a lot better if we just. migrated back to tumblr again and stopped the callout posts, because honestly i don’t care what someone said that was mildly rude to someone else or anything of that silly nature. it’s not that serious!!!! it’s driving us apart!!!!!!!! we can’t be together if we don’t make an effort!!!!!

i want people to start being communal again. i want rp sessions. i want a new loveball. i want roleplay blogs and silly cringe and especially edgy ask blogs. i want the same level of cringe 2016 had. i want it so goddamn bad. but in order for that to happen, people need to put in an effort, and to do it, and enough people need to do that. which feels like it just won’t happen, im not that influential to make that happen, and as previously mentioned, so many communities don’t know i exist either, nor so many tumblr figures!!!!!! the real ones are the people that have accounts on all platforms and post the same things on each 🙏 thank you for being a rare link

honestly we’re hated enough as is. I mean i literally just scrolled past a yt video called “undertale and it’s FOUL community”. people outside it ain’t doin us any favors, trying to say “we’re good now” ain’t doin shit!!!!!! let’s just have fun and go back to enjoying ourselves instead of trying to be “better”. because im not having as much fun as i know i wouldve years ago as a content creator and i want to have that fun!!!!! and my goal at this point is to let people know they can have that fun. im going to spread this like the gospel mark my words

[mx-mongoose]

I don't know if this is a hottake or not, but Caroline and Cave's relationship is so much more tragic for me when they're not romantically involved and are close friends instead. To be honest, and I don't know if i'm just forgetting something pivotal, but I don't know where it even came from that Cave and Caroline were dating or married. I get that the whole Glados thing can be an allegory for an abusive relationship, which makes a lot of sense don't get me wrong, but there's more types of abusive relationships then just romantically-entwined ones.

"But Goose, it was the 50s, CEOs and their assistants were usually involved sexually or romantically. It was just the norm," Do you think Cave goddamn fucking Johnson conformed to societal norms? You think he would draw the line at a platonic relationship between him and his coworker who happened to be a woman? Plus I get that it's a very popular and very likely headcanon that Cave was a (for lack of better words) "A lady's man", but I feel like there's also a chance that he would think a romantic relationship would be unecessary and that he's also married to science. (Cave and Caroline are in a poly relationship with science)

Anyways- The reason why I say it's more tragic as a friendship for me is because I feel like when people say "tHeY wErE iN lOvE" it just waters their relationship down. Think about it from Caroline's perspective, this was the 50s, women were treated like shit in the STEM and business world. She probably had to deal with a lot of men's sexist and/or creepy bullshit. Then here comes Cave, the one guy who didn't treat her like an object (Which is big considering he treats EVERYONE as an expendable object) and held her in very deep regard. He admired her for her intellect, her passion for science, gave her a lot of power over Aperture even before she turned into a Glados, he saw her skills and said that she was the backbone of the facility. He didn't see her as a future wife but a serious business partner. (Possibly friend?)' (Plus i'v also seen headcanons that they knew each other even before Aperture, so take that as you will)

But then comes the Glados project and then he just ends up using her in another way and ignoring her when she says that she doesn't want this.

I dunno but that's just my POV and I feel like the Cave x Caroline thing only comes from the fact that theyre a guy and woman who happen to be close.

[the-s1lly-corner]

What would like if TADC meet a reader that who doesn't really give a shit to anything , swears a lot and lazy but sometimes she can be suprisingly smart and can give some usefull and healthy advices..

Probably before he was in digital Circus she was an sucsesfull person but something happend and he become a person like that.

Probably wear that headset for get away from his life.

Romantic or platonic your choise

Zooble, Caine, Jax, Kinger x reader whos rude and lazy but gives good advice

currently not taking posts for the entire cast so i let the wheel choose the characters for this post ! going to do this request as well one or two more then i might go work on art.. or nap... we'll see shrugs

CAINE:

even if your swearing censored, caine is still going to scold you for your constant swearing. in fact im inclined to believe that the dynamic between the two of you is going to be tense because of this; you kind of get tired of telling someone to not do something over and over again.. you know? doesnt force you to do IHAs, though, since we see him attempt to make an accommodation for zooble when they expressed they werent interested (despite still being roped into it thanks to the gloinks but hushhush...).. honestly i dont see him being the type to seek out advice, so theres a solid chance he doesnt know you can give some wise words unless he sees you helping someone out. will be annoying about it since he takes it as you "coming out of your shell" or something along those lines

JAX:

thinks its funny and he probably tries to rile you up on purpose... you know how theres always that one annoying kid in class thats trying to push that one tired teachers buttons? its like that, i think, and youre really trying to do your best to not cuss the rabbit out.. knows you tend to opt out of IHAs so just a heads up hes probably going to booby trap your bedroom door because he knows youre going to go back to your room.. probably goes into your room sometimes to slightly shift things around. drives you nuts. will admit some of your advice is good, i think jax has some ability to get real and serious sometimes so he can agree with some of the things you say... wont stop him from being a menace, though

KINGER:

two old people; one sweet the other grumpy..? i dont think he would feel this way or that about your dirty mouth, i think he might try to ask why you're so rude every now and then. doesnt try to convince you to go out and do something; since he doesnt have much room to stand on since he tends to skip activities to keep himself inside his pillow fort... not that hes lazy, hes just scared that something is going to go haywire, you know? likely spaces out whenever you try to bring up some real important or helpful info/advice, but thats just kinger you know? you guys probably trade advice every now and then me thinks

ZOOBLE:

think i said this somewhere in a request w/ a reader who swears a lot... but i think zooble flat out wouldnt really vibe with you. theres a difference between dropping a swear every now and then but theyre going to think youre annoying if youre being excessive with the swearing, you know? makes someone sound like a little kid who just learned a new naughty word, and it doesnt matter that youre likely older than them... no thoughts on your laziness, since they themselves would much rather want to skip out on an IHA than to be forced to participate in it.. but thats more of zooble not wanting to do it than being lazy, if that makes sense? does keep notes on some of the advice you spew out every now and then, though... doubt they go seek it out though

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for refusing to get back with an ex?

So i (21m) was in a poly relationship with S (21x) and J (24m) for about a year (so that would be when i was 20, S was 19 and J was 22)

Midway through the relationship i was going through some mental health shit so i kind of subconsciously distanced myself (my bad, i definitely shouldve been upfront about what was happening but i have vulnerability issues)

Dont get me wrong, i wasnt straight up neglectful or anything (to my knowledge?), but i really didnt go out with them as much as i used to (if one of us couldnt attend, the other two would go as a couple. It was more efficient like) and didn't really feel as much "honeymoon" intensity if that makes sense

I think its also important to note that once i was semi-able to pull myself out of my rut i decided to start these big art projects to show my appreciation for them and also kind of make up for my distance, like that shit took up my time and sleep and effort. i felt like i wanted to take the next step from casual dating to something actually serious with a future and everything because getting out of my spiral made me remember how much i loved them

So i called them up and found out that they kind of... kicked me off the polycule?? It was this weird situation where they thought I was leaving them behind so they also fully moved in together and started acting like a regular couple without me. obviously i was pissed, and S apologized and tried to communicate which i really appreciate, but J was just doubling down blaming me. At the time i was so angry i turned it into a full out yelling match

I realized it wasnt healthy nor working out and broke it off fully, telling S we could still be friends but cutting J off entirely. I gave all J's shit that was still at my place back to S, blocked J's number and scrapped my project altogether

Fast forward to present day, and im in a completely unrelated relationship with two people i love with all my heart, and by this time ive healed and mended my relationship with S enough that i thought we could start over and add them to the polycule (to be clear my current partners like them too and are on board). We did do that, it's going great and i'm remembering why i loved S so much in the first place

The issue is that S is still with J, and while J doesn't have any issues with both of us separately dating S, S wants all of us to reunite again for old times sake and its very obvious that theyre still holding onto the old versions of us and what we used to be. I say no, i dont even like J anymore and havent spoken to him in forever so why the hell would i care?? Ive grown and changed so much in the time after our relationship that i wouldnt even fit into the nostalgic mold that you want me to be a part of and i dont think J would either

The thing is J does also seem like hes interested in starting over. S said he's grown a lot since, but i think our personalities just dont mesh and ive also just fallen fully out of love with him. It seems to break S's heart, but they get it and don't bother me about it anymore. On the other hand J respects my decision but is still like passive aggressively annoyed about how seriously i took it, saying it was mostly my fault and i took drastic measures for nothing.

Aita?

What are these acronyms?

[schizosupport]

this is going to be very long and rambly, i apologize. you can answer any, all, or no parts of it, i guess i just really need to blurt it all out to *someone*

for the past 3 or 4 years, ive been having mild (?) transient stress related psychotic symptoms. i suspect i have a cluster b pd which could possibly cover that

at first it was mostly paranoia i think ? usually the standard "theyre out to get me" type thoughts, both with people i knew and nebulous entities i couldnt define. it doesnt happen too frequently, but it seems to have gotten worse with time. this past fall / winter was especially bad bc i was already doing poorly mental health wise and was very isolated. a lot of the thoughts are still paranoia based, but some lean more towards delusions now (e.g. being afraid of the music i left to play from my phone speakers bc i felt it was hunting me down) as well as some that are fully bizarre (e.g. believing that ive been an angel stuck inside a human body my whole life, thinking theres a force field around my apartment thats keeping me stuck inside). for a while there was also this... pervasive sense of unreality almost ? like i would get frustrated that things werent operating on dream logic, or have difficulty differentiating dreams and reality in general. for the past couple months since then, ive had pretty much no issues

i always retain Some grasp on reality, whether its full on double booking or a vague sense of "something is wrong with me right now", which is enough for me to hide away from people and try to calm myself down and ground myself back to reality (... can you even do that with "real" delusions ? talk yourself out of them ?). the symptoms only last a few hours "at their peak", though the unsteady / unreality feeling may stick around for days or weeks surrounding that. im still able to be mostly functional for that part though. as such, nobody knows about any of this.

i just. i dont know. i dont have a therapist (i need one). im too afraid telling my friends will change their views on me irreparably even though they too struggle with (other) deeply stigmatized mental health issues. ive spent a lot of my childhood being called insane and incapable and i dont want it to happen again after ive finally found people that respect me. im worried ill have a full on psychotic break at some point (what the hell counts as "a break" ? can i call what ive been through "episodes" ?), or lose my ability to double book, or display symptoms in front of people i know. i just dont know what to do so im. spilling it out all here. so someone at all besides me knows

-- elias

Hey there,

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you.

It definitely sounds to me like you are experiencing some level of psychotic symtoms, and it sounds like it's causing you significant distress. You asked whether you can "talk yourself out of" a "real delusion" - and well, not as such, until the delusion passes, but they can be more or less long-lived and come with more or less insight.

The types of episode that only last a couple hours at full intensity are sometimes referred to as micropsychoses. When people talk about "a psychotic episode" it usually refers to a prolonged loss of reality that may last days, weeks or even months. But plenty of people on the schizo- and psychosis spectrum don't experience full-blown psychotic episodes. That doesn't make their psychosis un-serious, and it also isn't a given that these people will go on to develop worse psychotic symptoms.

I think one of the reasons the diagnosis of schizotypal exists, is because we needed to acknowledge that not every person's endpoint on the schizo-spectrum is schizophrenia, but that doesn't mean that their experience doesn't come with distress or disability.

I think you could try to do a vibe check with your friends to see how they react to the concept of psychosis and psychotic disorders. If they seem cool, then you could try to bring up your own experiences. It might be nice to be able to talk about those things, and get to experience that it doesn't have to be the end of the world, and not everyone will judge you for it.

I hope you all the best, anon!!

[malzykins]

GIVES US THE VOID HAND FREAKS LORE!!! (You dont have to if you dont want to)

OH BOY. well with a nice little request like that how can i say no 😇 

HUGE preface that this is very AU-heavy because. like I got no beef with the actual canon but I just want to play around with my favourite characters like little dollies if that is okay. :]

To even get to the freaks though we do have to start at the beginning of this for it all to make even a lick of sense and to me anyway it feels like a lot.. warning not one centimeter of this is without some form of mental degradation and shameless self-indulgence (<- failing to cope with the lasting effects of cringe culture)

absolutely MASSIVE text post belo im dead serious:

Nothing much really differs from the origin of the Operator/Drifter themselves, all the Zariman shit still happens etc. Operator was kind of a bastard child (shes 12 most of them are, but i digress LOL), very much the kinda person to stick their nose in everyone’s business and try to “fix” all their problems if she thought something could be gained from it (sound familiar?), be it a compensation from the people themselves or from her seniors getting basically surface-level information about it all and being like aww what a good kid!! and gassing her up with all this praise. Most other kids definitely knew what she was doing, or at least didnt like her or the vibe she put off, but it didnt really stop her cause that’s not whose opinion she necessarily cared about the most.

When the Zariman incident happened, her ENTIRE support group became her enemy and she was left with nothing. She got her just desserts alright and it broke her, like really broke her, like watching a spoiled brat finally get what’s coming to em and she genuinely did like a total heel-turn in terms of personality temperament etc. She became a lottt more prone to acting childish and favoured emotional outbursts over rational thinking, since she didnt have her people that she looked up to anymore, she didnt have her Glue so to speak. She went from main character syndrome to acting how a 12 year old would probably realistically act in a fr life-or-death scenario overnight

Being a child in a traumatizing situation she latched onto really anything she could get. any distraction. desperately wanting something or someone to trust. so when that damnable doppelganger shows its face, behaving exactly how she used to behave towards other kids (not that she had the self-awareness to deduce that at the time), she instantly ate from the hand that feeds. And there was that :)

Nothing strays from canon between this point and the First Dream. Shes still very much a petulant crybaby and kind of sucks at being a Tenno but thats neither here nor there,, in the Dream, though, is when things start to REALLY deviate.

During the years of war and strife and child-soldier-ism with everyone else, she had a lot of time to think. Shes well aware that all this void power shit wasnt possible before their time on the Zariman, and as far as she was aware she was pretty certain that didnt change the moment they boarded. Over time she fights the memory suppression of her traumas to dig up answers and narrows it right down to that moment she shook hands with herself, something clearly odd and nonsensical, now viewing it with a bit more clarity of mind and basically coming to the epiphany of Oh You Motherfucker. theres no way it was not you. theres no way ALL OF THIS (the existence of the tenno and by extension their eventual drafting into the war, and all of the bullshit that follows that) was not because of you. And when they get told that theyre all going to be put into a cryosleep, because theyre more trouble than theyre worth, really, to just to give everyone around them more peace of mind well. shes quite upset about it. She and other kids definitely try to fight their way out of it (they dont make it far) and rest assured theres no shortness of bawling and sobbing, but deep in there there is anger. She starts to get real pissed off about this whole ordeal and honestly just fucking everything that has lead to it, that piece of her old self that had the capacity for rage and ambition bubbling through the surface.

When she was placed into the First Dream, that quickly manifested well outside of her control. She herself was entirely lacking in conscience, but that essence of herself that existed just beyond her own grasp, that metaphorical spirit that whatever youd want to call it, began to fester in some crevice deep in the Void, not having truly left the place after the events of the Zariman unfolded. It festered and festered and grew until every horrible negative emotion that she Could Not experience in her current state snapped free and went on a violent witch hunt for exactly who the hell made her this way and WHEN she found It, that manifestation didnt relent in the slightest as it quite literally beat the absolute ever-loving dogshit out of the Indifference and (taking some of the various Murmur codex entries very literally) lashed its very flesh apart like a goddamn. kindergarten art project.

Once all of her anger was spent and she realized that didnt actually fix any of her problems, and the bastard was busy reeling for a while because, what in the fuck was all that about, she was left just a lonely, sad empty husk. And because of the Void’s receptivity with negative emotion, it did something with that, taking those lacerated fragments and turning them into something greater, turning them into companions to fill that lonely gap, into the Murmur. they are very No Thoughts creatures and dont understand what existence really is, and like most freshly borned creatures they imprint on the first thing they see (the Indifference) though they know at least the smell of who ultimately made them and are constantly chasing that trail to find the source (hence their appearance in reality in the albrecht labs because we dont really Know in canon what theyre looking for in there exactly (afaik) so I’m justttt rewriting that. for me 😇)

Once they inevitably have their cool reunion or whatever (which takes place a lot sooner than the normal story progression, I just am not sure on where to put a pin) Operator latches onto them just as much as they latch onto her, their Maker, and she ends up neglecting a lot of her responsibilities to just run and play with the little freaks all day ^-^ which really pisses off the Drifter. and makes HER take up the Operator’s mantle, a good chunk of the normal questline being done by her instead.

NOW. for what you ACTUALLY asked for. Im so sorry 😭

THESE three bastards: Prodah, Nahkip, Vedah, in that order. In this little AU thing, Murmur fragments have this little bit of individuality to them in the form of those lighter blue stripes or “veins”, which are more like indentations in their skin that faintly glow with their Void energy. The more a fragment has or the more unique they are, the more respected the individual is in a sort of innate social hierarchy system. If a fragment is born with no veins whatsoever, if they are unmarred and “perfect” so to speak, they are essentially bullied and outcasted to some unloved corner of the Great Indifference to wallow alone, and for a faction all about unity and working together that isnt very nice. :)

Vedah and Nahkip are the two I probably have the least juice for. Not that I dont like them (far from it) I just have yet to reeeeally get to them ;; I at LEAST have personalities and such down

Vedah is like a curious naive little dog. It’s very erratic and jumpy and is more often a follower than a leader. It loves games but gets bored easily, and loves trying to make friends. It definitely makes the most racket out of the three, big chatterbox this one (I love the sounds the fragments make... they are such screechy little creatures it's soooo cute)

Nahkip is probably the most “normal” out of them. It doesn’t vocalize often and carries itself in a bit of a high regard (not necessarily in a conceited way, moreso it is aware that it is of a somewhat higher caliber than most and incidentally behaves as such). It’ll politely listen to others and offer input when it’s spoken to, but once all is said and done, it returns to pretending you don’t exist, going about its own business.

Prodah, the last fellow, is (was?) one of those unfortunate veinless souls. It often found itself a victim of many fights, and it quickly learned that trying to defend itself only made matters substantially worse. In one particularly nasty scenario, its ring and pinky finger were completely snapped off by an attacker and ground to dust. It tried to fight its way out of exile often, but eventually succumbed to the hand it’d been dealt, fleeing to some unaccompanied outcropping overlooking the Void.

Vedah found it, eventually, having sniffed it out and tracked it from where it hid buried in the sand for god knows. Prodah of course, very angry and scared and traumatized all at once, didnt take too kindly to the ordeal, but Vedah’s “people skills” and a rare instance of patience helped bring the guy just enough out of its shell to at least stop regressing into fight-or-flight everytime it (Vedah) moved :] Still VERY skittery and non-trusting. just a bit more… tolerable.

Vedah and Nahkip are friends. or. at least Vedah sees it that way. Nahkip tolerates it but could really give or take. Vedah always wants to show around its new friends to its current friends, and Prodah is not an exception even if it really should be (hence the naivety; you can’t “look guys it’s cool dont be mean okay :D” your way out of everything girl)

LUCKILY Nahkip seems to not gaf. At least not in a bad way. No it actually definitely gaf because it’s been ages since it’s last seen a veinless fragment still kicking around (esp since there is essentially no reproduction of these creatures, whatever exists is all that will ever be (unless MITW feels like getting flayed again. for some reason) so once you’re killed or whatever it’s gg) and is very surprised that one is still alive, figured over time it should have just gone feral and torn itself apart from insanity or decomposed on its own, but it didn’t. and Nahkip is a bit of a studious fellow. so it is very interested in this creature.

There isn’t too much coherent lore after this.. lots of bits and bobs and meat and potatoes but not the most fleshed-out explanation for it all? At some point the three become close enough with one another (maybe more spiritually than anything, cause it likely isn’t so apparent from an outside perspective) that they form a Severed Warden like some sort of Digimon evolution or whatever 😇 There is some large gap of time where the Operator does not see them, the entire Prodah arc happening under her nose so when she next greets them they are together as the Warden and shes so proud of em ;; she doesnt really understand how it happened/works but she knows Vedah and Nahkip are in there and they do their best to introduce Prodah to her. After some coaxing it uncurls itself to meet her and she's absolutely appalled to see a friend in such a sorry state (being a Warden didn’t heal old scars), and figured that wasn’t any way for someone to live. so she removes her gloves and gently holds its hand in her own Void-corrupted ones (that I’m sure most Operators have anyway; shes extremely self-conscious about people seeing them but the Murmur are similar to her, in a way, so with them she relents) to offer that connection and comfort with it. In the same motion, some transfer of power takes place and after a brief moment, Prodah finds itself whole again with two new fingers to replace its lost ones, brimming with the light of Void energy. IN TURN, though, not such is without consequence, the Operator now missing those exact same digits that Prodah initially lacked. She quite literally gave it her own (which is why its lighter-colored fingers in the image do not have the standard issue Murmur claws. also this throws the Indifference for a loop because ??? bastard child I gave you that for YOU. not for you to just give handouts to thralls 😐). This is a complete heel turn for Prodah because while it was initially a perfect, veinless creature and demonized to all hell and back.. to receive marks from the Maker itself??? WILDLY different story. Okay we respect you now. like a lot. like A LOT a lot.

I absolutely had plans to include The Fragmented One in my little repertoire of creatures as well :3c For this I’m going to pull directly from my brief lore document instead of just reiterating what is perfectly fine to copy-paste instead, if no one minds:

“To make an example for the Operator, the Drifter assists Loid in secret in purging the Laboratories of Murmur presence, but ends up slaying the Warden of Vedah, Nahkip, and Prodah in the process. The Operator’s heartrending grief at their passing draws uneasiness from the Indifference itself, and her dormant, volatile energy involuntarily wrenches forth their fragments from the afterlife, as if they had never perished at all (this is unknown to her; her döppelganger is the one to impart this information, yet not knowledge of their whereabouts). She dedicates restless hours to searching for them, neglecting her own health, too nerve-wracked to properly eat or sleep. It is after a week’s passing that the Operator discovers an odd formation within The Great Indifference and, upon touching its surface, the structure breathes in new life, lost fragments rising from beneath the sand to create the One. Upon spotting Vedah, Nahkip, and Prodah atop the bow of the amalgamation, she becomes overjoyed at their revivification, triggering a transference of power between them; the Operator’s Void energy unknowingly begins to bleed over into the One, a deadly power donation creating an impossibly cataclysmic entity with capabilities yet to be measured. In anointment, the Operator honorably dubs the creature Fronrein—’tandem roar’—and it is forever at her beck and call.”

this Fragmented One is no stronger than the one you face normally. I just wanted to squeeze in something for my lore that could possibly explain why that fucker is SO god damn brutal in Steel Path.

Lastly (thank Christ right), something I haven’t yet fully fleshed out is that I want to pull the consciousness of the main fragments into the Operator’s warframes. Likely happened at some point during Fronrein’s birth. it’d be neat for these friends to exist in two places at once :) seems totally feasible to me given how freaky the Void gets. Vedah inhabits her Wisp, Nahkip her Protea, and Prodah her Harrow. None of this is planned, it just sort of Happens. the fourth arm of the One also gets dragged into this (dont have much for it. similar mannerisms to Nahkip I know at least), being placed into the Drifter’s Chroma, and she is NOT happy about it. very peeved actually. She hates these fucking things and to now have them basically be sentient frames walking and (telepathically) talking around the ship MUST be some sort of cruel divine punishment. She mellows out though, after some grueling amount of time, becoming a bit more platonic with her Chroma after slowly letting her own defenses down and just bonding and talking with the guy (now that these Murmurs can actually do that), but still is a bit standoffish with the Operator’s frames.

Operator thinks it’s cool as all hell. She’s brainstorming what all frames she could possibly get next and then try to shove Murmurs into those ones too. MUCH to the Drifter’s chagrin. god help them.

ANYWAY. I dont want to beta read this again I just hope it makes sense. Above all I hope it satisfies your ask ;; this is nearing 3,000 on the word count and actually took multiple days to write LOL /// thank you for giving me the opportunity to spill about these guys :’]

[tobeywobey]

HELLO YES DID I HEAR JRWI ISAT AU OR PERHAPS JUST GENERAL THOUGHTS AND COMPARISONS?

hellooo :)perhaps

okay originally it was just me going crazy over the isafrin and fnc similarities. but i was like. wow odile sure is likejay ferin.

SO . chip being sif. right duh of course. because who else would be that mentally unwell. he can also speak celestial for some reason which i think ties back into that stars stuff. ALSO their memory stuff (when chip starts losing himself and has to kind of. put on a show of who he is. SOUND FAMILIAR?). sif losing his home country. chip losing his childhood. both having such little opportunity to get it back without risk of hurting themselves. chip and sif "ill keep all my feelings right here and then one day ill die" bitches.

gillion being isabeau .undergoing a serious change and. feeling like the person they were before is dead and gone at their hands. being often regarded as stupid just because theyre big and boisterous and the tank (of sorts). that religious aspect . But also. gill and mirabelle to a degree. being chosen . that idea of "people think im chosen for one thing but its actually this other thing that im too afraid to tell people" . aroace <3 . that religious guilt of "why was it me. surely someone else could have handled this better" and. feeling the weight of their world on their shoulders. the elders and the head housemaiden .

more chip stuff .something abt. loop being so upset that Sif is the one who. succeeded and the one who got his happy ending despite how Loop could never even. beat the king. is so chip to me. i dont know How to explain it but its so. chip almost being? angry at himself that. after all that pain he endured at the hands of price and to an extent the black rose. all it took to be happy was finding two strangers and letting them in. also that is very sif to me also

also i think about Siffrin and Bonnie’s relationship (post-eye injury) a lot. And i do think Bonnie and Ollie are relatively similar. I do think Ollie would have a similar reaction to learning about Chip’s ‘death’ that Bonnie did to Sif’s eye.

as for odile and jay i have less thoughts but jay being torn between land and sea, pirates and navy just like how odile is torn between ka bue and vauguarde. odile thinking her vaugaurdian roots would Suddenly Make Sense and she'd find that lost part of herself to no avail . jay feeling like shes always been distant from her family and not that perfect child .wishing she could have that just like Ava had . the two ultimately finding themselves with new companions and family in this foreign place.