#but i found out on september . 3rd. that they had been free

[whydthathappen]

i have decided i do not enjoy jealousy

or envy

[pottedplant53]

Twisted Wonderland Birthdates/Birthyears, In Order.

A comprehensive list of each TWST character’s exact birthdate, in order, down to the year + their ages. This will be going off of Twisted Wonderland’s release date, (2020), and not the current year (2023 at the time of writing). Contains chapter 7 spoilers.

- I’m aware that the Japanese school year starts in April instead of September, but for some reason my brain refused to process this so I ended up doing these based around the school year cut-off being September. I decided to post it anyway, since I’m pretty sure most of it’s still accurate, though I may do a Japanese version at some point!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Lilia – Unknown, 1321. Chosen date is January 1st, 1321. (699 Years Old).

Silver – Unknown, 1621. Chosen date is May 15th, 2003. (299 - 300 Years Old, mentally 16 - 18).

Malleus – January 18th, 1842. (178 Years Old).

Leona – July 27th, 2000. (20 Years Old).

Trey – October 25th, 2001. (18 Years Old).

Rook – December 2nd, 2001. (18 Years Old).

Idia – December 18th, 2001. (18 Years Old).

Cater – February 4th, 2002. (18 Years Old).

Vil – April 9th, 2002. (18 Years Old).

Jamil – September 12th, 2002. (17 Years Old).

Jade - November 5th, 2002. (17 Years Old).

Floyd - November 5th, 2002. (17 Years Old).

Azul – February 24th, 2003. (17 Years Old).

Ruggie – April 18th, 2003. (17 Years Old).

Kalim – June 25th, 2003. (17 Years Old).

Riddle – August 24th, 2003. (17 Years Old).

Ace – September 23rd, 2003. (16 Years Old).

Jack – October 11th, 2003. (16 Years Old).

Sebek – March 17th, 2004. (16 Years Old).

Epel – May 6th, 2004. (16 Years Old).

Deuce – June 3rd, 2004. (16 Years Old).

Ortho – August 14th, 2011 - 2013. (6 - 8 Years Old, mentally 11 - 16).

~Ortho’s age is anonymous, so I had to do some speculations and maths here. I’m going to assume that R!Ortho was 8 years old at the date of his death, and that Idia constructed O!Ortho when he was around 10. This would give their parents plenty of time to start caring about Robortho before the pair left for Night Raven. I’m going to assume that O!Ortho is either 3 years old with the mental state of an 11 year old, or 3 years old with the mental state of a 16 year old (since he joined the first years, albeit as a special exception). Personally I’m leaning more towards the former.

~If Lilia was 300 years old during the war and Silver was a baby at the time (seemingly 0 - 1 years old) then that would mean that his birthyear falls somewhere between 1620 - 1622, most likely 1621. Lilia also states that the day he found Silver was the day that he decided for Silver's birthday, meaning that the odds of May 15th being his real birthday are 1/365. During Silver's identity crisis dream we see what he looked like on the day that Lilia found him, which we've established was May 15th, and he looks to be roughly 6 months old.

It's possible that Lilia thought of this and decided to consider this Silver's 1st birthday, but if that were the case, there's a good 50% chance that Silver has actually been awake for 16 years of his life, which would actually be very clever since Aurora was 16. In the reverse, if Lilia decided to treat the day he found Silver as the day he was born, then there's a 50% chance that Silver is actually 18. Basically what I'm saying is I haven't got a fucking clue-)

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Hope you get some use out of it, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on anything <3

[miastideclock]

a year with bang chan, "january 2nd."

word count: 646 warnings: not edited notes: the song really gives me the vibes i wanted for this little thing, so if you would like to listen to it while reading, i hope it gives you the same feelings it gave me!

january 2nd ⁺₊ february 14th ⁺₊ march 2nd ⁺₊ april 17th ⁺₊ may 30th ⁺₊ june 4th ⁺₊ july 14th ⁺₊ august 1st ⁺₊ september 12th ⁺₊ october 3rd ⁺₊ november 1st ⁺₊ december 31st

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

int. living room. night.

"okay, i'm ready!" chan called out, inviting you to join him in the living room. you peeked your head past the corner you stood behind.

"you sure?" you questioned him, and he nodded slowly with a grin on his face, from his seat on the couch. you then leaped forward, exposing your whole body and revealing your outfit- the one you had put on just for him.

you were clad in a massive rudolph sweater and elf tights, as well as some santa-beard slippers. chan instantly broke out laughing as you proudly showed it off, strutting up and down the floor in front of the sofa. "you like?" you asked as you sat down in his lap.

"oh, i love!" he assured you, still laughing a little. you giggled along and then patted his chest twice, signalling for him to come with you.

even though christmas and new years were well past, you and chan were celebrating it january 2nd. it was the first day were both of you were free, so here you were, pretending it was christmas a week and a half late.

you dragged him over to your tree and sat down on the floor. it looked a bit sparse with only two presents underneath said tree, but you didn't care.

"do you wanna go first?" you asked him, judging from his actions that he was pretty excited. the whole man was bouncing around in his seat on the floor, grinning like a mad man. he eagerly nodded and reached for the bigger of the two gifts. he quickly, but carefully unwrapped the present.

you had gone weeks wondering what to get him., but one day you walked by a jeweler when you got the idea. chan had been upset a while back over the fact that a bracelet you had gotten him had unlatched and fallen off while on stage, only to never be seen again. so when you entered the jeweler and found a bracelet that had to be locked onto the wrist snugly with a key, you knew you had the perfect present. in addition to this, you had gotten him a second of his favorite hoodie, as you had stolen his long ago.

"a hoodie! and this has to be the most beautiful bracelet i have ever seen. and it's one of those lockable ones!?" he grew more and more excited as he spoke, his smile so big you were sure it hurt his cheeks. you nodded with glee as he took the jewelry out of the casing and held it up for you to put it on him. you did as you were asked and could feel his eyes on you the entire time. "bubba, this is perfect." he grinned. you leaned over and gave him a kiss as he thanked you.

he then grabbed the only remaining present under the tree and handed it to you. it was small, and perfectly cube formed. you tried shaking it to your ear, but it made no sound. you unwrapped it and revealed a white jewelry box with a logo on top of it. you looked up at chan who only nudged you to keep going. you removed the lid and saw a black and silver ring looking back at you. recognizing the ring immediately, your eyes darted over at chans hands. he had his own ring very much still on his finger. you carefully removed the ring from the box and looked at it. it was stunning, you'd always thought so.

"so we can match. it could be sort of like a promise ring. that is, if you want me-" you didn't even let the man finish his statement before you reached over and kissed him.

"i promise to be yours as long as you promise to be mine."

cheers, bentley♡

[thegamecollection]

UBISOFT FORWARD 2023!

Good morning/afternoon/some time of the day or night from across the pond! I'm making the most of this jet lag with some Peanut Butter m&m's and a blog on our time at yesterday's Ubisoft Forward event! It was a morning accompanied by popcorn that showcased their (very) impressive lineup for this year and beyond!

Before I get into it, can you believe there's no coffee machine in this hotel room? Why must I suffer? It's simply unacceptable.

Now that I've had a moan we can get into it. Thanks for listening.

We had planned some video content for TikTok but upon arrival and having passed the awesome Assassin's Creed cosplayers above, we were met with this potentially day-ruining sign:

We're sorry. It's not our fault.

JUST DANCE 2024

The event got underway with one the most popular music game franchises (if not THE most popular) of all time, back for 2024 with 40 new tracks and a vibey trailer that somehow transitioned from screen to live dancers on stage! I'd be lying if I said Just Dance was personally my thing but its player numbers around the globe speaks for itself! Fans will be pleased to know that "Flowers" by Miley Cyrus has made the cut, as well as all-time banger "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" by Whitney Houston!

Launching on 24th October, you can now pre-order with us here.

AVATAR: FRONTIERS OF PANDORA

Getting to see more on this first person action adventure that gives us the opportunity to become Na'vi and seek revenge on the invading RDA, well, it was absolutely fantastic. We weren't exactly sure on how this title would play out but after yesterday's gameplay, consider us SOLD. Set after the events of the first Avatar film, you’ll embark on a journey across the Western Frontier, a never-before-seen continent of Pandora! Fans of Far Cry will no doubt have also been frothing at the choice of weapons, skills and stunning scenery that awaits on this breathtaking planet! Oh and we got a release date too...

Launching on 7th December, you can now pre-order with us here.

THE CREW MOTORFEST

Car enthusiasts, fasten your seatbelts! The Crew Motorfest will officially launch on 14th September and will be using the vibrant island of O’ahu, Hawaii as its playground! The 3rd instalment in the franchise looks the part, that's for sure. From the Lamborghini Revuelto to the Toyota Supra, Hummer EV or Porsche Taycan Turbo S, there's a set of wheels and a racing feel for EVERYONE!

We were told no photos but I did manage to snap this beauty as we were leaving! Sorry, Ubi - it was too good to leave without memento.

You can now pre-order with us here.

PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE LOST CROWN

No, we didn't get any news on the Sands of Time Remake but after its announcement at Summer Game Fest last week, we did get to see more on this epic side-scrolling, sword slashing, time-dashing new adventure in Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown! Play as Sargon and evolve from sword-wielding prodigy to extraordinary legend as you master acrobatic combat and unlock new Time Powers and unique super abilities.

Having seen this earlier in the year on a confidential presentation, its improvements since then are astounding. This metroidvania type game has found huge popularity in recent years with many titles adopting the style! But nevertheless it stands out from a crowd and looks to be an absolute MUST play for me!

Launching on 18th January 2024, you can now pre-order with us here.

SKULL AND BONES

We're all familiar with this right me hearties? Of course. It's been due to set sail for a number of years but has regularly been met with choppy waters and uncertain tides...

Yesterday didn't deliver too much on when we can actually expect Skull and Bones to get those anchors away, but we were treated to this new trailer accompanied by a live performance from the band 'Home Free' as they sang their tune from the game!

The Closed Beta will be available 25th-28th August and you can now register here.

Of course with this already being announced, you can pre-order on our website here!

STAR WARS OUTLAWS

Having seen the trailer a couple of days ago for the long awaited open world Star Wars game that was originally teased in 2021, we've already been feeling pretty blessed... But seeing a 10 minute gameplay walk-through yesterday has excited all of us scummy, villainous gamers to no end!

Seeing Kay Vess and the adorable Nix in heist action reminded us of the loving relationship between Cal and BD-1, and that is NEVER a bad thing. From the heat of blaster-fire battle to the foot-down freedom of a speeder chase, this footage shows that 2024 will be a great time to be an Outlaw!

No official launch date has been confirmed and so there's no pre-orders just yet! But sit tight, watch the gameplay again and prepare to revel in what will be the first and incredibly ambitious open world Star Wars game to date!

ASSASSIN'S CREED MIRAGE

We're finishing up here with the extended gameplay section we saw from Assassin's Creed Mirage, and its back-to-basics stealth-centric footage that fans in the presentation were cheering for with joy and rapture!

Our assassin Basim is light on his feet and making even lighter work of those that stand in his way... The gameplay showed that mixing stealth with creativity really does deliver supreme results! Smoke bombs, blow-darts, hidden blades, it's all in a day's work for this agile and acrobatic executioner!

Ninth-century Baghdad has never looked better and we can't wait to take our place with an ancient organization known as the Hidden Ones...

Launching on 12th October, you can pre-order with us here.

If you've made it this far then I thank you for reading! For those wondering exactly how I've made it without that coffee, a five minute break at Dunkin' Doughnuts around the corner has gotten me over the line!

God bless America.

-Jack

[heaven-s-black-box]

Goodbye- Jack & Sam & Dean

Return to File

Recovery date: September 3rd, 2020

Description: Jack pays a visit to some mechanics.

Notes: N/A

Word count: 1 530

Back to directory

"Excuse me? I- uh, I'd like an oil change for my car please."

Dean poked his head out and around the hood of the car he was working on. A young man was standing by the entrance of the garage with an old 67 chevy impala. He was wearing a worn out trench coat, probably a hand me down, to fight the chill of the fall air.

"Ya, sure. Head in side," he nodded his head to a side door, "my brother can sign you in."

"Of course, thank you."

The man stepped inside, and Dean returned to his current work.

Dean and Sam Singer had taken over the garage just outside of Sioux Falls, from their adopted father Bobby Singer. He'd taken them in after their parents died when Sam was just six months old. Now, Sam ran the books and paperwork while Dean did the handy work, occasionally helped by his brother.

"Hello, how can I help you?" Sam asked.

"My car needs an oil change."

"Sure, can I get your name and the make of the car?" Sam looked down at his laptop and began typing

"Jack Kline, and it's a 67 Chevy Impala."

"A classic, Dean'll love that. Would you like us to give it a check up too? Free of charge."

Jack thought it over for a second. "Yes please."

"Perfect, if you could just pay," Sam handed him a card machine, "then just leave me the keys and your phone number, I'll call you when it's done."

---

"What did I tell ya? They're fine, nothing to worry about," Claire laughed.

Her, Jack, and Alex were sitting together in a small dinner while the impala was out.

"It wasn't that I didn't believe you, I just needed to see for myself."

"So," Alex started, "I'm guessing you don't plan on taking her back?"

Jack shook his head, "No. She's where she belongs, I was just waiting for them to settle. I'll be returning to heaven after this, it's still quite rough but, it's getting better."

"No suprise there," Claire snorted, "I mean, they lost god, and the last two archangels within the span of a week. And no offense but, you don't exactly know what you're doing."

After Chuck's demise, well actually he was locked away, Michael and Lucifer retired. Michael was off living in a cabin somewhere with Adam Milligan, and Lucifer was who knows where. The only real help Jack had was from Amara, who had been locked away for centuries and liked destroying things, and Rowena, the current queen of hell and Jack was pretty sure she was starting a new witch coven.

"It's alright, I agree. I wish I had the Winchester's to help me, or anyone really."

"You know, I still don't get when you did it, wiped their memories I mean. Then you went and falsified their whole lives, seems like more effort than it's worth." Alex shrugged.

"They deserved it, to be happy. This way, the nightmares can be just nightmares, and they can go and have families without worrying about monsters."

"Look, I don't want to be a party pooper, but things don't work like that Jack. It's not right. I want them to be happy, as much as the next person, but the proper way would have been to get them therapy or something."

Alex snorted. "Ya, and where do you plan on finding a therapist for hunters." Both Jack and Claire looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Okay, as the only hunter therapist let me just say: I am in no way equipped for the shitstorm that is the Winchester's lives. I don't think anyone is."

After graduating high school, Alex had tried to leave the world of monsters behind. It hadn't worked, and so she found a way to embrace it while still being normal. She became a therapist, one that hunters could go to that wouldn't land them in a mental ward.

Claire had never really tried to be normal, and had moved into the men of letters bunker along with Eileen and a few others after Chuck was locked away. Garth had decided to make the bunker the American Hunter's HQ, and a permanent home for any hunter who wanted it. He was still acting as the new Bobby, and it didn't seem like he planned to stop anytime soon.

"So," Claire asked, breaking the silence, "is this it? The famed Winchester's are just gonna be some legend, Lucifer's son is gonna run heaven, an ex-vamp lure is playing hunter therapist, and I go back to hunting like everything's normal?"

"Unless you have any better ideas, ya," Alex said.

"Ugh," Claire groaned, propping her elbows up on the table and holding her head in her hands. "When did things get so hard? I wish I could just- go back to before I knew angels were real! Back when my dad made us say grace before every meal, and I hated it."

"If- If it would make you feel better, I cou-"

"No. No more memory wiping I can handle this."

Claire's eyes were glassy now, and she sniffled.

"Y'know, I used to wonder if they really deserved a happy ending. I mean sure, they've saved the world how many times? But, it feels like it's all there fault sometimes. Like if they'd never been born, Michael and Lucifer wouldn't have had perfect vessels. The apocalypse never would have started, my dad wouldn't have given himself up to Castiel, Lucifer would have never been freed and although Jack wouldn't have been born, Kelly would still be alive."

"And me?" Alex asked. "Where would I be? Still stuck with those vamps? And-And even if the Winchester's weren't born, someone else would have come along. Azazel would have made his demon army! Over all, the world would have gone to shit real fast. You and I would've grown up with no choice but to face the supernatural, if we even grew up at all!"

"Alex has a point, and so do you Claire. The Winchester's have saved so many lives, but they've taken and destroyed just as many. I don't really think there's a correct ending for them. They've done time in both heaven and hell, no matter how short. Dean even spent time in purgatory. They've taken and saved lives, and they've always tried to do what's right. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure where they'll go when they die."

"Maybe they'll haunt the bunker," Claire laughed.

"Please, the last thing we need is raging Winchester ghosts. I don't know how the empty works, but maybe you could send them there to be with Cas?"

Jack shook his head. "Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. It doesn't really matter anyways, ultimately, it's up to Billie." Jack's phone lit up on the table with an unknown caller ID.

"Looks like baby's all good. You gonna run?"

"No, I believe I have one last goodbye."

---

"Oh good, you're back! I gotta say, she is a real beauty both inside and out. Although I'm amazed she still runs, not only is she getting old but, it looks like she's seen a lot of action in her day."

"Where'd you even get her?"

"She was a friends, actually..." She was yours.

"Well I don't know what he did with her, but he's done a damn good job at keeping her running. I know it sounds weird but, she got a name?" Dean looked up at Jack from the hood and Jack could feel his heart crack.

"He called her Baby, that's her name."

"Heh, sounds like something you'd name a car like this." Sam laughed. "Oh and uh, there's some Lego stuck in the heater, I don't know if you knew. But I didn't want to touch it in case it had any sentimental value."

"I did, and it dies, they're uh- they're apart of her. Well, her stories at least. My friend stuck them in there when he was little, and uh," Jack rounded the car and stuck his head in to point out a little green army man stuck in a tray, "his brother stuck that there."

Dean laughed. "So she was a family girl, huh?"

Jack nodded, he could feel his chest tightening. "She was."

Taking a deep breath, he stood up and brushed his coat off. This was it. He promised to let them go after this, to let them live. Baby would be his parting gift, a final goodbye.

"Well, here ar-" Dean stopped when he noticed the young man was gone. "What the- Where'd he go?" Dean turned around a few times, but the garage was empty except for him, Sam, and baby.

"Di-did he just vanish?"

Dean shrugged. "Maybe it was a ghost."

"A Ghost? Really Dean?"

"Who cares? We get this beauty. Wanna take her out for a test ride?"

"De-No. We ca- I don't eve- Isn't it technically stealing?"

"Look he was there, and then- poof! So obviously he doesn't want the car, now get in or I'm leaving you."

"This is still a horrible idea," Sam grumbled, getting in after Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Bitch."

"Jerk."

[4uru]

Being in the shadowhunters fandom is fucking wild,

bc i famously dont like cc and been here for 3 years now holy shit, some of the ppl here were here before i could even say goo goo gaga and shit,

so lemme explain my journey that nobody asked for✌️🤡

i have a strong hate for tmi, bc it traumatised me at the ripe age of twelve and book malec made my queer tween brain think i was a mistake and a stain on the universe for being a closeted bisexual.

The only character i cared about was simon and then cc made him cheat on the two most wonderful women. That didnt go well with my divorced parent having ass. Do i need to mention that it was around this time i came out to my parents during quarantine of 2020 june and promptly got shafted and traumatised. 🙃

I only read tmi bc my stepmother got me chog. And i read a 100 pages before i decided i needed context for this shit.

Anyway, I finished tmi, hated it, wanted to read tda, then went on to read tda, illegally, and got shafted when I found out I accidentally read summaries of the first two books. And not the books itself, got angry at me for being dumb and then went to read the 3rd book, finished it in a haze of rage and sleep and I barely remember what happened.

I tried to litsen to the audiobook of tid and after like 7 hours, the first part, i fell asleep. And lost patience to rewind the whole thing.

So i gave up and instead finished chog and then finished choi but i barely remember anything.

Last year around september i downloaded the whole tid triology to finish it, i made it to the point i left off last time, but got bored.

I got thru 7hours of ghost of shadow market on yt before it got deleted 👀

I skimmed Sobh bc the writing style there is fucking atrocious I do not know what happened, and I'm not sure if I want to know either. I maybe will read twp when I'm an old man with chronic back pain and way too much free time on my hands. So yeah. I will read Chot bc of Alastair Carstairs and Alastair Carstairs only.

Love some ppl in this fandom, but they don't know me yet. Did feel good during Alastair Carstair month when I was most active with my fics and drawings and I saw my fav blogs reblog my stuff. i had extreme fanboy moments .

I fill the void in my heart cc created by drawing her actually good and fleshed-out characters.

I loathe this woman for many thing and one of them is, creating this blasted universe which has so much potential; which would be so much better if someone who knows what they are doing got their hands on it.

I may or may not have 17361881367829 plot Lines that serve only one purpose, "have jace and clary not kiss when they believe they are siblings and sebastine doesn't have a raging hard on for them"

So I'm just a Bengali queer+trans teen with a hyper fixation. This fandom is my hell but I got comfortable. I come in and out, and each time watch it becomes just a little bit worse than before.

[jodilinbio]

Part 43

I sent a letter to Andy’s sister Marla since I couldn’t find his address, asking her to say hello to him for me. I admitted that moving away without telling him where I’d gone had been mean and that I missed him and was curious about what he was up to these days.

Shortly after, I received a message saying that the only way Andy would forgive me for dumping him was if I sent his old recorded phone message tapes to his sister.

I was stunned by how much he still sounded the same, though I was disappointed to hear he was also clearly stoned.

I thought back to when I would record his phone messages for him, as he didn’t have the means to do it himself. But I mailed that tape to him before we left Phoenix and wrote another letter to Marla letting her know this.

“Guess I’m not the only unforgiving person in the world,” I’d written in a journal entry of mine on Kiwibox before I left that site, which was later sold and changed entirely. A young woman in Maryland responded, making a good point: she said Andy should forgive me because he wanted to, not because of anything I could give him.

Damn right, I agreed silently, feeling a bit embarrassed to be learning from someone half my age.

One day, I was browsing a prison inmate locator site and, out of curiosity, started looking up people I’d known in jail. Mary had told me about Myra and Hope, who each got forty years for child abuse, but I wondered about some others.

I studied Hope’s booking photo—she looked exactly as I’d expected: depressed and anxious. Myra, though, wore a wide smile, looking happy as ever. What could be so exciting about a forty-year sentence? I wondered. But then, if someone could be sick enough to abuse children, perhaps they could also be crazy enough to smile about forty years behind bars.

Yeah, smile, Myra. You’ll be an old lady when you go home. :)

Over the years, I’d wondered about Rosa, regretting that we hadn’t kept in touch, though I’d assumed she was deported to Mexico.

But there she was! I recognized her picture immediately. I was glad to finally find out what had happened to her, even if the news wasn’t good; sadly, she was serving twenty-five years for second-degree murder.

In late September, my worst fears for Mary came true. I knew she wanted to be hopeful and trusting, so I tried not to express my fears that she wouldn’t be released in exchange for her testimony against the man who killed her child, as she’d been promised. If anyone knew that cops, lawyers, and judges could be dishonest, it was me. And sure enough, even though she’d signed a plea agreement stating she’d be free after testifying, the judge, who clearly had a preconceived opinion about her, ordered her to prison at the trial’s end. So, after a decade in jail, she now had to serve two years in prison, with her release date pushed to June 2011. Understandably, she was very depressed, and I haven’t heard from her much since the sentencing, as she’s much busier now. She described it as a “modern-day boot camp.”

In late September, Tom learned from a news article about a site that pays people to complete artificial intelligence tasks requiring human input, which has been a great supplement to our income!

If I thought finding Rosa, despite her grim circumstances, was thrilling, nothing could compare to the surprises I’d receive on October 3rd and again on Christmas!

One day, while taking a break, I found myself thinking of the kind woman from the camp I was in as a kid who had shown me such compassion. Who was she? Where was she now? What was her life like? Fourteen years earlier in Phoenix, I had tried to find her, but with no luck. But the internet has come a long way, I thought to myself as I logged onto Facebook. Searching for a group for that camp, I found one and messaged the group’s owner with my story. He said he loved helping reconnect old campers and counselors and would do his best to identify her.

At first, I’d thought I’d attended the camp at age 9, but on reflecting on one of my few memories, it hit me: I’d been about 11. I remembered a bunch of us kids trying to convince some of the counselors that we were “bionic.” But had The Bionic Woman even aired when I was 9? A quick internet search confirmed it hadn’t been released until 1976, so I must have been 11.

I let the group owner know, adding that she hadn’t been a regular counselor. He tracked down a list of names from 1976, and a few people in the group recalled a woman with a dog who matched my description. “It’s Eileen,” they said. “She had a dog named Sydney.”

Finally, a name! I messaged her and to my delight, she responded within hours, confirming that yes, she had been at Camp Naomi in 1976 and she even remembered me! Today, she has kids and grandkids and lives in eastern Massachusetts. We’ve kept in touch since I found her.

If finding Eileen was a surprise in itself, my next surprise truly floored me: reconnecting with Marie from Valleyhead. A couple of years ago, I’d set up an account on Classmates.com to enter a drawing. While there, I looked up Valleyhead, my old school. Despite its dark history—closed in the ’90s after an FBI investigation into abuse and embezzlement—I was curious about any familiar names, and I spotted Marie’s. Tall, dark, Italian, and very much my type, she looked fantastic.

While browsing the group page, I left a public message with my Facebook details, just in case anyone wanted to reach out. To my shock, Marie did! She remembered me, asked how I was, and shared that she was living in Trumansburg, New York with roommates and studying criminal justice. I was surprised by how excited she seemed to reconnect, even saying she’d love to chat.

As we talked about our Valleyhead days, I mentioned my crush on a staff member named Mary, which led to a surprising revelation: Marie had a crush on me! I couldn’t believe it. We’d rarely interacted and never shared a room or any classes.

[lifeofagirlnameddan]

This Life (Prt 2)

(I've reached my word limits whoops) So where was I? Ah yes, so I said my goodbyes and asked Cat for one last favor. If he could contact my cousin to let her know I was at the park waiting for her. After that she found me and I broke down in her arms, I gave the man back his phone and thanked him for bringing me to my cousin. (by the way same one I've been mentioning all this time) She took me back to her place and we explained to her parents (Leaving out the fact that I rode a motorbike and had a grab driver drive me here, they all still believe I walked all the way there and got through the security guards of the subdivision) They took me in and told my dad what happened, my dad then told my mom where I was... I refused to go home so I stayed in their house for almost a month. I was getting quite used to living with her... But mom called me back home despite me not wanting to. I felt ashamed, unloved, and all that shmuck. Anyway she still came to get me and I was brought home, we spoke and cleared things up. Oh yes I am still in trouble. But she forgave me anyway. It was a very constant reminder that...She as a mother forgives me despite the fact I've done this multiple times, its always a guy! But I did my best to make it up to her and win her trust back. Six months passed and I still haven't reached out to anyone, I wanted to continue writing my stories so I did, I was in my google docs and...I kind of missed talking to my friends J and A (A is a girl I've been friends with since 4th grade all the way to grade 6, then I left for homeschool right? Well as soon as we turned grade 8 She followed along and went homeschooling, there was a time that I couldn't handle J's art requests so I referred him to A and my cousin, the four of us clicked and we've been friends ever since) But I wasn't able to talk to them after the whole problem right? So my cousin became my messenger, I'd send her emails and messages to relay to J and A, until we decided to just lay it all out on a google docs, I was in my Harry Potter phase that time so I joked about my cousin being my owl, and the google docs sheet as the Owl inventories... That name stuck ever since. We would chat there, IN GDOCS! and we would write stories together and all that. Soon after I was allowed a phone a g a i n, this time I can be trusted! I spoke to my friends in Instagram, (We call ourselves the Owls!) then we got to making a discord server, and eventually we all just grew closer and closer, It seemed like life is brighter now in a way... 2022 was ending soon, and my mom wanted me to go back to a regular school before senior high, so grade 10 I enrolled in a school that... I attended when I was 4 years old from Nursery until 2nd grade (Context I've been to 3 schools in all my life so far. 1st school was Nursery to 2nd grade, 2nd school was 3rd to 6th grade, Homeschool 7th-9th and then going back to the 1st school for grade 10) So I did, and you'll never guess what happened after...

July 2022

Before school started (It starts September) I joined a free workshop lyrics writing class, there I met Teacher R. He was a kind old teacher whose been teaching there for years (Actually they said he was my old music teacher but I dont remember him at all) In that class was my one other face to face classmate, F. At first I thought F was a teacher, nevermind he was a 12th grader! Not only that he was the Student Council President, Class President and Top student! So wow I thought, I get to meet and be friends with someone who would give me advantage to adjust in this school life again hooray...I thought we were equal when it came to music...nevermind he played ukulele, guitar, he can sing...and play the piano! When he played the piano my competitiveness arose, and I asked who taught him... It was none other than Teacher R! So I asked him to be my teacher, and I took up piano lessons, so starting every Tuesdays and Thursdays after class, I'll head down to the school's piano room for my piano lessons...

Sept2022-2023

I return to my old school, wow did it look familiar at the same time all so different! When did they install an elevator?! I thought wow cool, I'm probably gonna like it here, I found out that some of my old friends I've known since what--diapers? Nursery! Were still there, most of them were still there and only a few unfamiliar faces. I was a returnee student so some of them knew me and some didn't, There was also a new girl who enrolled along with me, Y. She's a Japanese girl who came to our country to study English. Problem is... This school require students to study CHINESE. Me and Y became classmates for our Chinese classes, with that we became good friends. After Chinese class I would go down to the piano room and she would follow along and hang around while I'm learning. A few days of that happened and eventually another girl approaches me, she's Cz. She became a really good friend to me and honestly I love her. The piano room soon filled with more new friends, the most frequent one who tend to make it their routine to join me as I take my piano lessons was Y, Cz, S, Rat, and Ax. Oh they were such fun friends but there was a growing problem... I started becoming really close with S... thats bad, i denied anything and said oh of course we're just friends (We were....WE ARE! Its just theres a bit of something?) And the problem was... Cz also started to like S! SO OH NO-- Two for one is not a good deal guys... So many problems happened but me and Cz never fought, we would give away our desires and would step back for the sake of the others happiness. S on the other hand was confused. S liked me (i didn't know that) and I liked S. We hung out together in a mall (Was it a date--) after that I didn't feel like it was working and Ax was just putting thoughts in my head that confused me all the more... So I distanced myself and Cz confessed to S... Confused, S confessed back to Cz and they became mu. They didn't date, but it was painful to see them so close together before... Eventually Cz realized she didn't like guys who liked her back (Red flag behavior but I love her back off, I'll protect her with my life) And we all took time to sort things out, eventually Me and S became friends again and got closer and closer, bonding over cosplay and anime and we planned to go to a con with a group of friends. So we did. We went to the con and we've been establishing that no feelings, just friends, just friends and nothing else... That con is a curse. The place was crowded, the lines were long, the sun was shining and it was really hot. From the lines the sun hit my eyes...ah...S gave me his jacket to cover my head... Okay thanks... As the line moves we were getting tired standing for hours to get in, S leaned on my backpack... his arms draped around my shoulders, (was I blushing or its just the heat) We got in and we stayed to watch a valorant match. Ah oh no... we got separated from our group of friends, we push our way through the crowds...I hold on to his backpack. It's really hard to do navigate this way... He took my hand and said it's just so we won't get lost. Ah so our friends are on the second level of the building, and there is only two escalators on each side, and both have really...really...really...long lines. So we stayed lining up, tired so tired... He was basically hugging my neck as he leans on me, oh my mind was racing indeed. we're just friends, we're just friends, we're just friends,we're just friends... In my head I would fight my battles, everytime his hand brushed my shoulder I would ask him what is he doing? You know what he'd do? (He's an MMA enthusiast, He loves to box, wrestle, sword fight, do martial arts and stuff) He'd CHOKE HOLD ME JOKINGLY Like I will bite your arm if you do that one more time! We're such goofy friends, I liked our dynamic, we understand one another... I like his personality... His laugh... everytime he would geek out and ramble on about robots, swords, video games and anime I just couldn't help but listen and find him interesting.

[marjaystuff]

A Cold Highland Wind by Tasha Alexander

A Cold Highland Wind

Lady Emily Mysteries Book 17

Tasha Alexander

Minotaur Books

October 3rd, 2023

A Cold Highland Wind by Tasha Alexander brings back the character, Lady Emily Aston. In this cozy mystery she and her husband Colin Hargreaves are amateur sleuths. 

“I had wanted to write a book in Scotland for a long time and have the setting to gel with the story. After I read this book, Black Tudors, I learned about enslaved people in England at that time.  This was the spark for the story. When I first started writing this series it was in the 1890s, a fascinating time because of the enormous social change happening. They had radical ideas like maybe children should not be working 18 hours a day. There were fascinating real people fighting for social change. I wanted to explore how a young woman in that period lives in a very comfortable life; yet finds a broader view of the world. She starts to fight for change.”

In the summer of 1905, Lady Emily, husband Colin Hargreaves, and their three sons eagerly embark on a family vacation at Cairnfarn Castle, the Scottish estate of their dear friend Jeremy, Duke of Bainbridge. Her ten-year-old sons find a body, the duke’s gamekeeper is found murdered on the banks of the loch.

“I wanted to show how Jeremy and Emily have been friends forever. Emily becomes a high society Victorian lady.  Jeremy does not want to get married because he does not want to be tied down. He is a Duke and society expects him to provide an heir.  Is he really in love with her, or just joking around?”

Handsome Angus Sinclair, the gamekeeper, had a host of enemies: the fiancée he abandoned in Edinburgh, the young woman who had fallen hopelessly in love with him, and the rough farmer who saw him as a rival for her affections. But what is the meaning of the curious runic stone left on Sinclair’s forehead?

Alexander spins a counterpoint tale set in 1676 Cairnfarn of Tansy, a formerly enslaved woman from Tunis who longs to return home but becomes embroiled in one of the many witchcraft trials prevalent in Scotland in that period. The 17th century portions were an interesting and haunting picture of life as well as the treatment of women at that time, especially during the witch hunts.

Yet, Emily believes the murder had nothing to do with the witchcraft. She considers the ferocity of the attack and deduces that it was a crime of passion, because Sinclair seems to have had more than his fair share of jilted admirers.

“I love reading historical novels with two time periods having plots that connect across centuries.  History is not a linear course of progress.  What people really care about fundamentally does not change. I love playing with the notion of how history changes and using two timelines allows me to do it. Plus, readers can study the setting of Scotland within two different time periods. My next book, Death by Misadventure, comes out in September. It also has two timelines, set in Bavaria, with Emily in her Edwardian time and the second timeline has King Ludwig II who built the famous castle in the Alps that inspired Disney. In all my books Emily must deal with a murder.”

The two-story threads are linked by location and by the local mythology. In 1676 a story is told of a “Moorish” maid, Tansy, and her mistress, Rossalyn, who has been expelled from her home by her brother-in-law after the death of her beloved husband. Tansy had served as Rossalyn’s maid and had come to her a slave, kidnapped from the streets of Tunis. Though Rossalyn had set her free, she nevertheless keeps her as her maid, with Tansy having few options. Both are rumored to practice witchcraft. 

“I wanted to explore how people who were servants got to live lavishly in the Court.  But it is not OK because they did not have their freedom with someone having control over their existence. Through Rossalyn and Tansy, I explored how there is a friendship between them, yet Tansy was not able to return to her home.”

Alexander weaves the two parallel timelines.  This book is set in the wild Scottish Highlands, where an ancient story of witchcraft may hold the key to solving a murder centuries later.

[mibeau]

[Travelog] Subhanallah, I’m Amazed by…: The Landscape of Istanbul

Assalamualaikum. Hi. Kindly bear with me through the upcoming paragraphs, as I may appear a bit scattered. These background stories might be necessary to comprehend well my thought process and emotions.

When I was a kid, I enjoyed the animation "The Hunchback of Notre Dame." The storyline and illustrations of the city captivated my interest. In secondary school, I was crazy about TVXQ and bought their “3rd Photobook: Prince of Prague”. The enchanting architecture and ambience of Prague mesmerised me.

And my late mother reads a lot. Like, A LOT. Earning her the nickname "The Moving Encyclopedia." Throughout my childhood, she extensively delved into books, often sharing the rich histories of Turkey, Bosnia, and various other places. With her, I watched many documentaries So, I kind of have had some general ideas of the demographics of Turkey since young. It wasn't until I watched "Istanbul Aku Datang" that I truly began to admire the city of the Ottoman Empire.

In 2011, I was captivated by the cinematic brilliance of "99 Cahaya Di Langit Eropa."

The film not only showcased the beauty of Europe but also deeply resonated with my emotions. One pivotal scene in Istanbul, where Acha's character prostrated in the Aya Sofea, sparked a strong desire within me to visit the city. Ever since then, I have been fixated on visiting Turkey one day.

Now, finally, let's go!

A couple of years after the "epiphany," during the semester break in July 2017, I chose to undertake a solo "expedition" to Turkey.

I’ve planned the itinerary since September 2016 and secured all reservations by March 2017. My journey took me to three cities: Istanbul, Pamukkale, and Cappadocia, each with its distinctive characteristics that left me with unforgettable memories and valuable lessons.

Arriving in Istanbul, I enjoyed the sea view on my way to the hostel, enhanced by the pleasant natural lighting.

I stayed at "Cheers Lighthouse" in the Fatih district, strategically located just a few minutes walk from Aya Sofea.

After settling in and taking a brief rest, I set out to explore and find some local cuisine. My initial dining experience was at a restaurant near Sultanahmet Square, where I discovered that Turkish foods are characterized by their heat, cheesiness, rich flavours, and enticing charred quality—simply delicious. However, a word of caution: eateries within a 10km radius of Aya Sofea tend to be extra pricey, something I realized only after further exploring the city. But hey, I was famished.

The next morning, I descended for the complimentary Turkish breakfast, eagerly anticipating the spread. Admittedly, the cheese and fruits offered a unique twist, but overall, it didn't leave a lasting impression. I found myself thinking that

Turkish breakfast might be overrated. However, my perspective took a complete turn when I had breakfast in a Cave Inn during my visit to Cappadocia the following week—I was absolutely blown away. The breakfast was exceptional! At first glance, it appeared to be a typical breakfast buffet, but the array of fresh fruits, cured meats, cheeses, and spreads, coupled with their distinct and delightful flavours, made me exclaim, "Wow!" It was an experience truly worth the hype.

Alright, back to Istanbul.

That morning, I made friends with one of the breakfast staff, a girl named Jenny from Indonesia. She had taken a gap year to travel and, intriguingly, worked in hostels wherever she went in exchange for free accommodations. She kindly offered to show me around Istanbul whenever she had free time, and I was ecstatic about it! I felt genuinely grateful for her generous offer, as it allowed me to experience things that were not originally part of my itinerary.

After breakfast, I explored and immersed myself in the essence of nearby historical sites such as Aya Sofea and the Sultanahmet Mosque, finding them every bit as mesmerising as they appeared on the screen. I snacked on Nutella Simit and Ayran (readily available everywhere!), got an Istanbulkart from one of the metro stations, and spontaneously hopped onto trams and underground trains for the experience. My aim was to observe the locals, note the differences in building designs between Asia and Europe, and soak in the surroundings. Interestingly, dogs seemed to be everywhere, even within the outer compounds of the mosques. Moreover, the underground stations had a distinct smell of

seawater.

In the late afternoon, I rendezvoused with Jenny at the entrance of the Basilica Cistern. The atmosphere inside was dim and damp, with a somewhat suffocating feel, reminiscent of Harry Potter's Chamber of Secrets. At the end of this underground "cave," there stood a fountain where water flowed from the mouth of a lady that, in my imagination, resembled Medusa. Visiting the Basilica Cistern is a unique experience that I would recommend at least once, as such a place is not commonly found in Malaysia.

Next, we went to Topkapi Palace.

The main entrance had a castle-like appearance, and while I wasn't initially expecting much, my perspective quickly changed upon entering. If you have a passion for architecture and history, this is an absolute must-visit in Istanbul – you cannot afford to skip it! The relics housed within are truly astonishing. If I was impressed during my school visit to Istana Besar Johor back in 2004, my excitement at Topkapi Palace was at least tenfold. The compound features open-air spaces, several pavilions, and the main building with wings. Various rooms within the palace showcase different designs and concepts based on their functions. One room, in particular, reminded me of Thai architecture, adorned with intricate engravings. My personal favourite was the "Tea Room," which made me feel like a member of the scholars in the Baitul Hikmah – quite a delightful

experience!

After exploring all the relics and rooms, I stepped outside to admire the exteriors of the palace. As I approached the perimeter's boundary, I beheld a breathtaking sight: the Bosphorus Straits. 

This picturesque view took me completely by surprise, leaving me stunned and momentarily speechless. It was as if I had stepped into a real-life painting—a magnificent scene that surpassed my expectations.

I had always thought that landscape paintings mimicked real-life scenery through their choice of colours, not realizing that they actually portrayed what the eyes see, sometimes even better than a photograph. Allahu Akbar. I couldn't believe my eyes. MashaAllah Tabarakallah, thank you, ya Allah, for this incredible opportunity. I hope to visit there again one day, insha'Allah.

Then, we visited the Grand Bazaar, a place where you can find almost anything -- the amusing names of the spices added to the experience.

I went there for Turkish Delights and teas. Many shops offered samples, making it a great spot for window shopping. It's a bit on the touristic side, though. Personally, I lean towards the Spice Bazaar – smaller yet lively. On our way back to the hostel, we opted for McDonald’s Lamb Doner Burger for dinner and strolled past the Obelisk of Theodosius with ice-cream cones in hand. Fun fact: McDonald’s provided ketchup and mayo packets there.

Having fallen in love with the strait view the previous day, I decided to get on a cruise along the Bosphorus.

Boarding from Eminonu, I purchased a nonstop ticket for a cruising ferry that only stopped at the last ferry stop—a little sightseeing trip to a small village. Alternatively, you can opt for the normal ferry, which I chose for my return journey. The normal ferry can be accessed using the IstanbulKart. Along the straits, you get to see numerous houses and buildings, and the scenery brings to mind images of Greece. The water view was exceptionally beautiful, resembling a horizon line. Oh, and at most ferry stops, boats are selling Balik Ekmek (Fish Sandwich), served with lemon juice and salt. The taste was as expected, it's fine to skip the sandwich and simply observe the seller. After all, it's the experience we seek, much like visiting floating markets in Thailand.

Continuing my exploration, I headed to Karakoy to catch a glimpse of Istanbul from atop the Galata Tower.

In this area, numerous shops sell Turkish Pide. Jenny had already been waiting for me there. She joined me in the queue, and when it was my turn to enter, I went up alone, while she went off to do some shopping. Cos she has been there before. The tower's summit was packed, akin to a busy night market. Standing still for more than a minute was a challenge in the one-way flow of people, which slightly irked me. However, my irritation faded away as soon as I laid eyes on the breathtaking view. SubhanAllah~ I was enchanted once more. The panorama was unlike anything I had ever seen, featuring the Bosphorus Straits and the old European neighbourhoods. Perhaps influenced by illustrations from fables, the view brought to mind "Pied Piper of Hamelin." If you're not constrained by budget, consider indulging in a meal at Galata Tower to savour the view longer. Otherwise, I recommend future visitors to instead, find higher grounds in Karakoy and enjoy a similar view for free, saving both time and Liras on Galata Tower.

Overall, the European side of the city exuded better vibes and boasted truly appreciable architecture.

Jenny led me through a pedestrian walkway, and we arrived at the sea banks. I was taken aback. Seeing people fishing in the city was fascinating. According to Jenny, it was a regular activity for the locals who relished daily sunsets. We also visited a renowned baklava bakery, the name of which I unfortunately don't recall. It was an amazing experience, and we even had conversations with locals. I'm quite certain I wouldn't have discovered these places if it weren't for her.

Later, heading to Taksim, Jenny took me on a funicular ride, providing yet another interesting experience.

The interior of the station reminded me of Pyongyang's subway station, which was a novel sight for me. I wasn't aware that this mode of transportation was available in Istanbul, so it was a pleasant surprise. In Taksim, we were humoured by street performers and the tantalizing aroma of baked potatoes. However, Jenny's intention was to introduce me to her favourite dessert shop specializing in Kunafe. I ordered a goat cheese Kunafe, which had a robust aroma but tasted exceptionally good— a regular syrupy Kunafe adorned with pistachio bits and a generous amount of cream cheese. We spent some time exploring the square and concluded the night.

Back at the hostel, we met other solo travellers and relaxed in the common area with chay and nargiles. It was then that I realized, despite just meeting, we shared similar mindsets. Perhaps that was the reason we all chose solo travel. We exchanged experiences in Turkey and learned about each other's cultures, including different parts of Brazil, Turkmenistan, and Indonesia.

I turned in early that night as the next day required an early start for Pamukkale.

Instead of staying overnight there, I slept in my carriers. Once I was back in Cheers Lighthouse, I slept for a long time and woke up feeling hungry.

My roommate suggested that we grab dinner together, given that we were both on tight budgets. We roamed around our hostel street in search of affordable street food, a task easier said than done in Fatih. We came across a Domino's, but he strongly preferred to have something different from what he could have back home. We bumped into another girl from our hostel and our quest became a trio mission. To my surprise, my roommate finally approached a restaurant waiter and asked for directions to find an inexpensive option. Instead, the waiter instructed us to wait, assuring us that he would bring us food. After about 10 minutes, he returned with three sets of Durums, wraps similar to shawarma but with a distinct taste—different, like Nasi Goreng Cina to Nasi Goreng Kampung. The wraps were incredibly delicious, marking the best cheap meal I had in Istanbul, Alhamdulillah!

Before flying to Kayseri airport and taking the shuttle bus to Cappadocia, I spent my last days in Istanbul unplanned.

Mostly, I revisited more streets, bought souvenirs, and took photos. Oh, there was a day when I got lost for almost half a day because I tried to venture outside of the city. It led to a minor anxiety attack since outside the city, there were hardly any English signboards, and fewer people spoke English. It was an experience I wouldn't want to go through again.

I spent three days in Cappadocia, which, in retrospect, wasn't enough.

Ideally, you need at least five days there. Cappadocia has a more laid-back atmosphere, with kinder and more respectful people. There are also fewer sleazy encounters, something I found less enjoyable when walking alone in Istanbul due to the staring and catcalls from men.

While my sharing may not contribute much to planning your trip, it offers a glimpse into my perspectives, and hopefully, it broadens your mind. Cheers!

[pennzance]

Ghostbusters: Port Huron (Episode 14)

Episode 14: Mass Grave

September 12th, 1998

Field Operation report by Jeremy

Merriam Webster defines the word ‘Gestalt’ as a configuration, pattern, or organized field having specific properties that cannot be derived from the summation of its component parts, a unified whole. It’s a big word in psychology, but it turns out that when it comes to Ghostbusting it is an even bigger word.

Let’s back up and get some context. While Amber was blowing up portions of the 5th floor yesterday, Bryan and I landed the plum gig of the 2nd and 3rd floors of the main complex. This turned out to be mainly administrative and shockingly haunt free. So, we had more time to root through old records, break open filing cabinets, and try and understand what, on paper at least, was going on at Eloise.

In all of that, Bryan found something he’s calling the Ledger, but honestly, it’s a list, and not a good one. This big book is full of names, dates, conditions, courses of treatment, and cause of death. Each one numbered and the numbers went into the thousands. Most of the names are patients, but we were able to determine that a few of them were staff. Orderlies, nurses, even some of the doctors.

Common themes started to appear as well: Orderlies were as like to have ‘patient altercation’ listed on their cause of death as anything else, but there were several later entries that just listed ‘voluntary separation’ there, confusingly. Often, the nurses were listed for ‘insubordination’ which carries a host of connotations I am simply not equipped to be angry enough about right now. The weird ones were the doctors, though. Every one of them had ‘creative differences’ listed as cause of death. Differences with who?

But the numbers stuck in my head. On the first day we were here, I tripped on a rock in an open field on the west side of the Eloise compound, little more than an open field I assumed hadn’t been developed. Before we left yesterday, I went back out there and took another look. The stone was one of several out there. Some covered in dirt and grass and time, but evenly spaced. And numbered.

That field was a graveyard. And the Ledger would tell us who was buried there.

So today, we (that is, my team from Port Huron) went to the field again while the Detroit and Flint branches finished up in the main complex and some of the other areas that still had some PKE activity. Compared to the last few days, this was a calming, almost boring exercise in checking names off the list as we confirmed the numbers matched to entries in the Ledger. Bryan was adamant we turn the records over to the Michigan Historical Society so that the atrocities of Eloise wouldn’t be forgotten, and I think Mr. Kaye would have agreed with him.

But the trouble for us started when the General pulled up to check on our progress, still towing the mobile containment grid. I hadn’t been able to take the time to really look at the unit before now, but there was an air of static around it that made me uneasy. Almost like it was close to bursting, it was so full.

Something else sensed that, too. No sooner had the General gotten his boots on the ground than the wind kicked up. Eric had told me about his experience with the Drifter’s ghost on the first day, so I powered up my Proton Pack on instinct.

Any good Ghostbuster will tell you that graveyards always have some level of PKE activity. It isn’t even necessarily because there are a lot of dead buried there, it’s more the way humanity looks at graveyards in general. People invest in these places with a sort of background level of psychic dread, and that can be the perfect invitation for things not of our world to wait patiently at the door, waiting for some catalyzing force to fling it open. Like the arrival of what, in many circumstances, would be considered a PKE bomb just waiting to go off.

The ground heaved, knocking everyone on their asses. I watched in horror as the trailer carrying the mobile grid tipped and toppled over onto its side. Nothing else mattered to me at that point, I ran for the grid to try and keep it from failing and unleashing psychic hell all at once.

The sound of proton streams and shouting made me look back, just once. The ground was spewing out remains in various states of decay. A gestalt entity composed of corpses. Not humanoid, just a swirling mass of bone and putrid tissue, screaming with thousands of mouths and trying to grab anything and everything with double that in hands. It was lurching toward me, or rather toward the grid, intent on ripping it open, no doubt.

The others started blasting it, sending burning pieces flying in every direction and drawing its attention. I got to the grid and started trying to figure out how to stand it back up. The metal was unpleasantly hot to the touch and the control panel was flashing warning lights. I needed to check the grid for breaches, and for that I needed to stand it back up but damn it if wasn’t heavy as hell.

I wasn’t alone, though. The General suddenly right there. He must have realized what I had, that a containment grid rupture here and now would result in a cross-rip of probably apocalyptic proportions. He was shouting something and pointing, and while I couldn’t hear him clearly with the explosions and all the adrenaline in my system, I got the gist. We each took an end and heaved, lifting with our legs and getting the trailer back upright.

There weren’t any lights pouring out of the grid, no major cracks or breaches I could see immediately, so that was a relief. I took a moment to add my firepower to the team and try to drive the gestalt entity back and away from the grid. It wasn’t very effective, really, but it was worth a shot.

The General came up again, holding a bag in his hand. “Keep an eye on the grid and make sure this thing doesn’t get close to it,” he said before charging into the fray. He didn’t have a Proton Pack, and I thought for a minute he was just going to punch the thing before I realized what he was pulling out of the bag. Actual grenades.

The gestalt entity was a physical one, probably one I’d classify as a golem given its use of nearby materials to construct its physical form, but a particularly unfocused one. Concussive and explosive forces were absolutely going to be an effective way of dealing with it, provided nobody was caught in the blast. I stayed near the grid, glancing at the controls occasionally at the worrying orange warning light, and occasionally lashing out with my Proton Pack if the gestalt golem got close. I heard Amber swear very loudly when the first grenade went off, sending a huge chunk of the monster scattering like shrapnel in every direction. She was going to have some choice words for the General when this was all over, I was sure.

Golems are interesting in that they still have a PKE presence we usually need to trap to keep it from reconstructing itself a ‘core’, if you will. When the General ran out of grenades and announced that loudly to the rest of us, Eric went in with the Proton Gauntlet and literally ripped something out of the pile in what may be the most badass thing I will ever see him do.

The bones and scraps of people long dead started to fall away, and Bryan ran up with a trap that Eric slam dunked the Golem’s core into.

The General applauded us, but when he went to put the trap into the grid, I stopped him. The mobile grid hadn’t been built to contain EVERY entity at Eloise, and it was dangerously close to capacity. Trying to load any more entities into it was going to be a very risky proposition, and I couldn’t fully diagnose any other problems that might have resulted from the jarring impact it had taken earlier.

The General told us we did a good job and then told us to go home. He loaded up the trap with the Golem into his truck and drove off, VERY carefully. We returned to the Best western, since we still had a night fully paid for. Turns out it did have a hot tub, and Eric had a very valid point.

End of Report.

[wander-wren]

now, i want to preface all this by saying i do *not* have the capacity to run anything right now, but if someone else did i would gladly hop on board. also, no one asked me to do this but i hyperfocused a lil bit and by the time i stopped doing that i was 2+ hours deep and had to finish, so

*deep breath* may i present......

supernatural, most unhinged and nonsensical version:

SEPTEMBER

10th- 5x1 (Sympathy for the Devil)

13th- 1x1 (Pilot)

17th- 5x2 (Good God, Y'all!)

18th- 4x1 (Lazarus Rising)

20th- 1x2 (Wendigo)

23rd- 7x1 (Meet the New Boss)

24th- 5x3 (Free to Be You and Me), 6x1 (Exile on Main St)

25th- 4x2 (Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester)

27th- 1x3 (Dead in the Water)

28th- 2x1 (In My Time of Dying)

30th- 7x2 (Hello, Cruel World)

OCTOBER

1st- 5x4 (The End), 6x2 (Two and a Half Men)

2nd- 4x3 (In the Beginning)

3rd- 8x1 (We Need to Talk About Kevin)

4th- 1x4 (Phantom Traveler), 3x1 (The Magnificent Seven)

5th- 2x2 (Everybody Loves a Clown)

7th- 7x3 (The Girl Next Door), 10x1 (Black), 11x1 (Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire)

8th- 5x5 (Fallen Idols), 6x3 (The Third Man), 9x1 (I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here), 15x14 (Last Holiday)

9th- 4x4 (Metamorphosis)

10th- 8x2 (What's Up, Tiger Mommy?), 15x1 (Back and to the Future)

11th- 1x5 (Bloody Mary), 3x2 (The Kids Are Alright), 14x1 (Stranger in a Strange Land)

12th- 2x3 (Bloodlust), 13x1 (Lost and Found)

13th- 12x1 (Keep Calm and Carry On)

14th- 7x4 (Defending Your Life), 10x2 (Reichenbach), 11x2 (Form and Void)

15th- 5x6 (I Believe the Children Are Our Future), 6x4 (Weekend at Bobby's), 9x2 (Devil May Care), 15x15 (Gimme Shelter)

16th- 4x5 (Monster Movie)

17th- 8x3 (Heartache), 15x2 (Raising Hell)

18th- 1x6 (Skin), 3x3 (Bad Day at Black Rock), 14x2 (Gods and Monsters)

19th- 2x4 (Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things), 13x2 (The Rising Son)

20th- 12x2 (Mamma Mia)

21st- 7x5 (Shut Up, Dr. Phil), 10x3 (Soul Survivor), 11x3 (The Bad Seed)

22nd- 6x5 (Live Free or Twihard), 9x3 (I'm No Angel), 15x16 (Drag Me Away [From You])

23rd- 4x6 (Yellow Fever)

24th- 8x4 (Bitten), 15x3 (The Rupture)

25th- 1x7 (Hook Man), 3x4 (Sin City), 14x3 (The Scar)

26th- 2x5 (Simon Said), 13x3 (Patience)

27th- 12x3 (The Foundry)

28th- 7x6 (Slash Fiction), 10x4 (Paper Moon), 11x4 (Baby)

29th- 5x7 (The Curious Case of Dean Winchester), 6x6 (You Can't Handle the Truth), 9x4 (Slumber Party), 15x17 (Unity)

30th- 4x7 (It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester)

31st- 8x5 (Blood Brother)

NOVEMBER

1st- 3x5 (Bedtime Stories), 14x4 (Mint Condition)

2nd- 2x6 (No Exit), 13x4 (The Big Empty)

3rd- 12x4 (American Nightmare)

4th- 7x4 (The Mentalists), 11x5 (Thin Lizzie)

5th- 5x8 (Changing Channels), 6x7 (Family Matters), 9x5 (Dog Dean Afternoon), 15x18 (Despair)

6th- 4x8 (Wishful Thinking)

7th- 8x6 (Southern Comfort), 15x4 (Atomic Monsters)

8th- 1x8 (Bugs), 3x6 (Red Sky at Morning), 6x8 (All Dogs Go to Heaven), 14x5 (Nightmare Logic)

9th- 2x7 (The Usual Suspects), 13x5 (Advanced Thanatology)

10th- 12x5 (The One You've Been Waiting For)

11th- 7x8 (Season 7, Time for a Wedding!), 10x5 (Fan Fiction), 11x6 (Our Little World)

12th- 5x9 (The Real Ghostbusters), 9x6 (Heaven Can't Wait), 15x19 (Inherit the Earth)

13th- 4x9 (I Know What You Did Last Summer)

14th- 8x7 (A Little Slice of Kevin), 15x5 (Proverbs 17:3)

15th- 1x9 (Home), 3x7 (Fresh Blood), 14x6 (Optimism)

16th- 2x8 (Crossroad Blues), 13x6 (Tombstone)

17th- 12x6 (Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox)

18th- 7x9 (How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters), 10x6 (Ask Jeeves), 11x7 (Plush)

19th- 5x10 (Abandon All Hope...), 6x9 (Clap Your Hands If You Believe...), 9x7 (Bad Boys), 15x20 (Carry On)

20th- 4x10 (Heaven and Hell)

21st- 15x6 (Golden Time)

22nd- 1x10 (Asylum)

23rd- 13x7 (War of the Worlds)

25th- 10x7 (Girls, Girls, Girls)

26th- 9x8 (Rock and a Hard Place)

28th- 8x8 (Hunteri Heroici)

29th- 14x7 (Unhuman Nature)

30th- 13x8 (The Scorpion and the Frog)

DECEMBER

1st- 12x7 (Rock Never Dies)

2nd- 7x10 (Death's Door), 10x8 (Hibbing 911), 11x8 (Just My Imagination)

3rd- 6x10 (Caged Heat), 9x9 (Holy Terror)

5th- 8x9 (Citizen Fang), 15x7 (Last Call)

6th- 14x8 (Byzantium)

7th- 2x9 (Croatoan), 13x9 (The Bad Place)

8th- 12x8 (LOTUS)

9th- 10x9 (The Things We Left Behind), 11x9 (O Brother Where Art Thou?)

10th- 6x11 (Appointment in Samarra)

12th- 15x8 (Our Father, Who Aren't in Heaven)

13th- 3x8 (A Very Supernatural Christmas), 14x9 (The Spear)

JANUARY

6th- 7x11 (Adventures in Babysitting)

10th- 1x11 (Scarecrow)

11th- 2x10 (Hunted)

13th- 7x12 (Time After Time)

14th- 9x10 (Road Trip)

15th- 4x11 (Family Remains) 16th- 8x10 (Torn and Frayed), 15x9 (The Trap)

17th- 1x12 (Faith), 14x10 (Nihilism)

18th- 2x11 (Playthings), 13x10 (Wayward Sisters)

20th- 10x10 (The Hunter Games), 11x10 (The Devil in the Details)

21st- 5x11 (Sam, Interrupted), 9x11 (First Born)

22nd- 4x12 (Criss Angel is a Douchebag)

23rd- 8x11 (LARP and the Real Girl), 15x10 (The Hero’s Journey)

24th- 14x11 (Damaged Goods)

25th- 2x12 (Nightshifter), 13x11 (Breakdown)

26th- 12x9 (First Blood)

27th- 10x11 (There’s No Place Like Home), 11x11 (Into the Mystic)

28th- 5x12 (Swap Meat), 9x12 (Sharp Teeth)

29th- 4x13 (After School Special)

30th- 8x12 (As Time Goes By), 15x11 (The Gamblers)

31st- 1x13 (Route 666), 3x9 (Malleus Maleficarum), 14x12 (Prophet and Loss)

FEBRUARY

1st- 2x13 (Houses of the Holy), 13x12 (Vrious and Sundry Villains)

2nd- 12x10 (Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets)

3rd- 7x13 (The Slice Girls), 10x12 (About a Boy), 11x12 (Don't You Forget About Me)

4th- 5x13 (The Song Remains the Same), 6x12 (Like a Virgin), 9x13 (The Purge)

5th- 4x14 (Sex and Violence)

6th- 8x13 (Everybody Hates Hitler)

7th- 1x14 (Nightmare), 3x10 (Dream a Little Dream of Me), 14x13 (Lebanon)

8th- 2x14 (Born Under a Bad Sign), 13x13 (Devil's Bargain)

9th- 12x11 (Regarding Dean)

10th- 7x14 (Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie), 10x13 (Halt & Catch Fire), 11x13 (Love Hurts)

11th- 5x14 (My Bloody Valentine), 6x13 (Unforgiven)

13th- 8x14 (Trial and Error)

14th- 1x15 (The Benders), 3x11 (Mystery Spot)

15th- 2x15 (Tall Tales)

16th- 12x12 (Stuck in the Middle [With You])

17th- 7x15 (Repo Man), 10x14 (The Executioner's Song), 11x14 (The Vessel)

18th- 6x14 (Mannequin 3: The Reckoning)

20th- 8x15 (Man's Best Friend with Benefits)

21st- 3x12 (Jus in Bello)

23rd- 12x13 (Family Feud)

24th- 11x15 (Beyond the Mat)

25th- 6x15 (The French Mistake), 9x14 (Captives)

27th- 8x16 (Remember the Titans)

28th- 1x16 (Shadow)

MARCH

1st- 13x14 (Good Intentions)

2nd- 12x14 (The Raid)

4th- 6x16 (...And Then There Were None), 9x15 (#THINMAN)

7th- 14x14 (Ouroboros)

8th- 13x15 (A Most Holy Man)

9th- 12x15 (Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell)

12th- 4x15 (Death Takes a Holiday)

14th- 14x15 (Peace of Mind)

15th- 2x16 (Roadkill)

16th- 7x16 (Out with the Old), 15x12 (Galaxy Brain)

18th- 9x16 (Blade Runners), 10x15 (The Things They Carried)

19th- 4x16 (On the Head of a Pin)

20th- 8x17 (Goodbye Stranger)

21st- 14x16 (Don't Go in the Woods)

22nd- 2x17 (Heart)

23rd- 7x17 (The Born-Again Identity), 11x16 (Safe House), 15x13 (Destiny's Child)

25th- 5x15 (Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid), 9x17 (Mother's Little Helper), 10x16 (Paint It Black)

26th- 4x17 (It's a Terrible Life)

27th- 8x18 (Freaks and Geeks)

29th- 13x16 (Scoobynatural)

30th- 1x17 (Hell House), 7x18 (Party on, Garth), 11x17 (Red Meat), 12x16 (Ladies Drink Free)

APRIL

1st- 5x16 (Dark Side of the Moon),10x17 (Inside Man)

2nd- 4x18 (The Monster at the End of This Book)

3rd- 8x19 (Taxi Driver)

4th- 14x17 (Game Night)

5th- 13x17 (The Thing)

6th- 1x18 (Something Wicked), 11x18 (Hell's Angel), 12x17 (The British Invasion)

8th- 5x17 (99 Problems)

11th- 14x18 (Absence)

12th- 13x18 (Bring 'Em Back Alive)

13th- 1x19 (Provenance), 12x18 (The Memory Remains)

15th- 5x18 (Point of No Return), 6x17 (My Heart Will Go On), 9x18 (Meta Fiction), 10x18 (Book of the Damned)

18th- 14x19 (Jack in the Box)

19th- 2x18 (Hollywood Babylon), 13x19 (Funeralia)

20th- 1x20 (Dead Man's Blood), 7x19 (Of Grave Importance)

22nd- 5x19 (Hammer of the Gods), 6x18 (Frontierland), 9x19 (Alex Annie Alexis Ann), 10x19 (The Werther Project)

23rd- 4x19 (Jump the Shark)

24th- 3x13 (Ghostfacers), 8x20 (Pac-Man Fever)

25th- 14x20 (Moriah)

26th- 2x19 (Folsom Prison Blues), 13x20 (Unfinished Business)

27th- 1x21 (Salvation), 7x20 (The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo), 11x19 (The Chitters), 12x19 (The Future)

29th- 5x20 (The Devil You Know), 6x19 (Mommy Dearest), 9x20 (Bloodlines), 10x20 (Angel Heart)

30th- 4x20 (The Rapture)

MAY

1st- 3x14 (Long Distance Call), 8x21 (The Great Escapist)

3rd- 2x20 (What Is and What Should Never Be), 13x21 (Beat the Devil)

4th- 1x22 (Devil's Trap), 7x21 (Reading is Fundamental), 11x20 (Don't Call Me Shurley), 12x20 (Twigs & Twine & Tasha Banes)

6th- 5x21 (Two Minutes to Midnight), 6x20 (The Man Who Would Be King), 9x21 (King of the Damned), 10x21 (Dark Dynasty)

7th- 4x21 (When the Levee Breaks)

8th- 3x15 (Time Is on My Side), 8x22 (Clip Show)

10th- 2x21 (All Hell Breaks Loose [Part 1]), 13x22 (Exodus)

11th- 7x22 (There Will Be Blood), 11x21 (All in the Family), 12x21 (There's Something About Mary)

13th- 5x22 (Swan Song), 9x22 (Stairway to Heaven), 10x22 (The Prisoner)

14th- 4x22 (Lucifer Rising)

15th- 3x16 (No Rest for the Wicked), 8x23 (Sacrifice)

17th- 2x22 (All Hell Breaks Loose [Part 2]), 13x23 (Let the Good Times Roll)

18th- 7x23 (Survival of the Fittest), 11x22 (We Happy Few), 12x22 (Who We Are), 12x23 (All Along the Watchtower)

20th- 6x21 (Let It Bleed), 6x22 (The Man Who Knew Too Much), 9x23 (Do You Believe in Miracles?), 10x23 (Brother's Keeper)

25th- 11x23 (Alpha and Omega)

Between Dracula Daily happening again and all the posts about enjoying old(er) media during the writers' and actors' strikes going on in Hollywood right now, I feel like there's an opportunity for someone to organize a rewatch of some show, using the original air dates of the episodes as a guide.

I have too much life stuff going on right now to do it myself, but if you've heard of someone doing this (or you're inspired to do it yourself), share in the notes?

[hotmessexpress2023]

Hello World,

I pray today May 23, 2023, finds you all blessed abundantly beyond measure. Today I was awakened with a desire to start my New Path on my journey called Life. I am a 40yr old woman who has a desire to help the lost and encourage those around me. I haven't always been able to love myself and those around me correctly but today in 2023 I am on my way to finding and loving the most authentic version of me. I have both suffered and been blessed from growing up in a divided home with both sides of the family being very toxic. I have suffered from poverty, sexual abuse, drug addiction, physical and mental abuse, eating disorders, self-sabotage, and ignorance. I was a young child the first time I ever experienced abuse in front of me and not long after to myself. This led well into adulthood to me becoming a young mother who would also suffer abuse physically, emotionally, verbally and mentally. I was married by 23 with one biological child and became a stepmother of a blended family of 6 steps kids and 3 bonus kids (1 niece and 3 bonus/God kids) My husband is almost 11yrs older than me. We have been married 18yrs come September of this year and been together 20yrs. I make his 3rd wife. I am currently raising 4 of my God/Bonus Grandkids - 3 boys 12, 10, and 9 along with 1 little girl who is 6. I have been raising them for the last 8 yrs and as of last yr have custody of all 4. I battle with several different Autoimmune conditions and have been treating them with no medication for 3yrs now. I have opened my home to many people over the years, starting from age 18. My husband has joked and said we need a sign in the front yard that says Home of the Wayward Children and Adults. While I have lost myself, most of my friends and family along the way, I have found my God and I am ready to be the best version of myself for me, my children who are now grown, my grandchildren and anyone who I come in contact with. In November of 2021 my husband lost is bonus sister who was also one of my closest friends, in January 2022 we lost our oldest bonus/God daughter and by March I lost my stepsister. The only way I can describe these 4 months is, that it was as if the earth had opened up and engulfed my whole being into the depths of Hell. I have spent the last year devoted to no one but myself and while it has been hard, it has been so worth it. In 2020 I swore I was breaking out of my prison that I had been placed in for the last 8yrs, I was determined to continue destroying the cage in which I had built over the coarse of my life for myself out of all the expectations of others and myself. However, Covid had a different idea.......Back in the house we all went, but I was determined to break free and while I am 3yrs in and haven't broken free from my prison I am very much free from my chains and my cage. In this blog it will be random things and ideas that interest me and my journey but may help and guide someone else along theirs. My title is Hot Mess Express because I am and have become a Hot Mess whether I like it or not. In these posts I hope to uplift others while allowing God to set you all free as he has set me free. Here is to a journey of Freedom and Authentic Truth of who Heidi Marie was, is and wants to be! There are levels to who we are and I can't wait to start moving through them all no matter what they look like. So today as you scroll through and find me the Hot Mess Express know I have no idea what I am doing but I love big, and I am on a search to my best self! Have a blessed day. I can't wait to see who I meet and impact but most of all to see who I meet that impacts me!

[starshiprangerash]

I'm just gonna talk about some personal stuff, essentially dumping everything in this post. I don't expect anyone to read it, hence the read more cut. I just want to type it all out, I think it'll help a lot. So feel free to ignore this.

Let me just recap this year a little, well over a year.

So, about October of last year my dad got an infection. Now I don't what kind, or how, or anything. He wasn't keen on telling us stuff. But he couldn't had this, cause I was the one who had to stay with him to make sure he took his medicine.

And things seemed to pretty fine, and then July happened. And oh boy did the universe decide to have some fun timing.

So, June 30th, Techno's dad posts the video announcing that sadly Techno had lost his battle to cancer.

July 1st, I wake up go downstairs, ans my mom tells me my aunt has cancer. (here's a fun fact I only have 2 aunts, and the other one died from cancer a few years ago)

And then the end of the month comes along, where me and my sister go on vacation with my dad's girlfriend's family. During which my dad has to go back home for a doctor's appointment. While he's gone, me and my sister find out, he wasn't fine. He had been in and out of the hospital for months. That realization hurt. We all thought he was doing fine. So when he comes back, I tell him he can't hide that, we want to know, and there's an agreement reached.

August 10th, I have the most interesting first 20 minutes of consciousness. Cause hey that's when Oli posted his first Empire's video. And it's also when my dad got admitted in the hospital. And it's also when my mom came into my room to tell me my grandpa had cancer.

And thus began the month where someone was in the hospital all the time. And I'm not exgerrating, I kept track. The longest no one was in the hospital was 18 hours. Either my dad, grandpa, or grandma was in the hospital. Sometimes all at once. Yippee.

And then September. The first to be exact. My mom comes into my room to wake me up. They had to intubate my dad. My sister was coming soon, and we were going to go over to say our goodbyes. Luckily he pulled through. The 10th, Grandpa is rushed to the hospital. He never leaves. He died on the 15th. I didn't much care, he was a miserable man who made everyone around him miserable. But it still happened. Didn't hit till two days ago when the Christmas Eve party text went out. He always played piano.

And things liked good after that. My aunt was getting chemo, grandma was doing fine for her age, and my dad was getting stronger. He's eating, he's trying to talk. We visited on Thanksgiving.

December 3rd. My dog's barking wakes me up. I text my mom asking if she wants me to send him down or if I should wait, cause I know she might be cleaning the floors. She just says my sister is coming. My sister arrives, and they both come into my room. The first thought that passes through my head was "The last time they had to sit down like this was when my cat died while I was at work" almost jokingly say that. Only reason I don't is cause I get a message that distracts me long enough for my sister to rip the band-aid off.

And I understood what people meant when they say "time stood still" or "they felt the world flip upside down" Cause that's what happened. Two words. Two words I haven't been able to repeat.

Look my dad wasn't the world's best dad, but goddammit he was mine. And it's been in waves. Like that first day I was a wreck, and yes I went to work. It helped. It was a distraction. Every person who found out (either from putting two and two together or from a text I had my sister send cause I couldn't) asked me why I was there? Cause i needed to be, not in a work way, but in a distraction way.

Also I should mention, my mom's birthday is December 5th, ain't that some funny timing as well.

I guess this is the part where I ramble. Cause I haven't been able to fully process this. Or maybe I yell cause it's not fucking fair. Cause it isn't. My grandpa who was a shitty person got so much time with his kids. Ans he fucking wasted it, leaving a mess in his wake. My dad got so little with his. My grandpa saw one of his grandkids get married. My dad didn't even see his kids get married. He deserved more. Maybe I deserved to have a dad longer. I don't know.

I do know my life is different. I do know I'll have to process this with more than just jokes. I also know I'm tired of "are you alright?" I know I'm tired of "I'm sorrys".

If you did read this, just know I know. You're thinking you wish well wishes, thoughts prayers, virtual hugs, or whatever. I know. And while I do appreciate it, I don't need to read it. Just know I know and appreciate it. Or maybe do tell. I don't know. This whole grief and healing thing is confusing. I don't like it. But I can't avoid it. Is that why people still say all those things? Cause it helps the process. You can't deny or ignore it. Maybe. I don't know.

But I do know I need to end this with those two words. The words said to me on December 2nd. The two words I haven't said. The two words that changed my life. The two words I refuse to type. (though it'll be three in this case)

My dad died.

[potteresque-ire]

The Big Politics Meta 

0. Introduction; content notes and warning 1. The Boring Overview: 3rd Time is the Charm? 2. The Political Legacy of 2/27: A Hypothesis 3. Case Report of a Traffic Robbery, Committed October, 2020 >> 4. Two Stories about a State-approved, Top Traffic Star 5. Afterthought: The Big Environment

(Below the Cut — 4. Two Stories about a State-approved, Top Traffic Star)

30 years + 1 week before Gg’s birthdate, 劉 德華 Andy Lau was born.

For those who don’t know him, all you have to know is, he started as an idol in the 1980s, and over the next 20 years, achieved superstardom not only in his home city of Hong Kong, but also in the entire Sinosphere, including China. He is 61 years old now, and his fans are mostly in the late 30s to 40s.

Oh, also this: he was my childhood idol. I’ve followed his news for 30+ years. 

Promotional poster for the programme 牛起來 for the 2021 Spring Gala, with Andy and Dd. Due to COVID restrictions, Andy stayed in Hong Kong for the performance, and was “implanted” into the show with AI.

Why am I talking about Andy? Because, perhaps, some of you have wondered — would things have been different if Gg and Dd are just better in the eyes of the government in some ways? Becoming even more the walking, breathing embodiments of “core socialist values��, maybe? Or, being even more demonstratively, loudly loyal to the government?

Is there a way for stars like them to achieve perfection in the eyes of the Chinese government, and is that perfection necessary for the government’s approval?

The stories about Andy would suggest the answer is no.

The first story I’d like to share is this. At the turn of the millennium, when Andy had as many passionate fans in China as Gg and Dd have now, he wanted to set up a branch of his fan club in China. The Hong Kong style fan club at the time was very different from the online fan clubs in China today — it was more like a recreational club, with a physical location and also, a membership fee. In Andy’s case, for about 25 USD a year, fans could go to his fan club to hang out, take a variety of recreational classes (often based on Andy’s interests), and more importantly, enjoy free admissions to the fan club birthday party in June — in which Andy and his family showed up every year and took pictures with everyone — and a birthday concert in September.��

Andy’s wish was denied. The freedom of assembly was (is) highly restricted in China, and a fan club like that would be more than an assembly — it would be almost a religion (which was (is) even more regulated in China), a shrine where fans would come from far and wide to worship their idol. 

Andy kept trying anyway. When his wish was finally granted in 2009, it came with one condition — his fan club was to be incorporated under the Ministry of Culture, i.e. it would be overseen by the government. Officially, this condition was reworded, embellished as 首個經政府部門批准的社會團體組織 the first government-approved social organisation. In addition, this new social organisation wasn’t called a fan club, but an 影音文化發展促進會 Audio-Visual Cultural Development Promotional Association — a name sounding every bit as stiff and Very Important as Gg’s audience in the Asian Games Concert.

The arrangement didn’t last very long. Andy’s fan club would exit mainland China in 2013, citing restructuring as the cause.

This story confirms the following concept: the Chinese government’s fear and suspicion of top star power has always been there. 

Again, it’s nothing personal. 

Always been there, as well, is the passion of mainland Chinese fans. Even in 2022, those who are old enough to remember still name Andy’s fan 楊 麗娟 Yang Lijuan (right) as the most legendary “crazy fan” in China. The story of her idol worship, which led to her father’s suicide, can be found here. The media in China at the time (2007) expressed sympathy with Yang, encouraged her star-chasing ways until the tragedy happened.

The second story about Andy is much more recent. A month ago (September 3rd), Andy held an online, live concert on Douyin. During the live session only, the total view count was 0.35 billion, or, about a quarter of the country’s population. Of course, each viewer probably contributed to multiple view counts, thus the actual number of people watching was significantly lower. Still, it was a phenomenal attendance.

The tag 頂流 “Top Traffic Star” went on hot search. There were Andy fans talking about, reminiscing their younger days, but there were as many netizens just marvelling … today, I’ve witnessed true, top traffic stardom.

This sentiment isn’t new. Andy’s idol reign in China was in the pre-traffic days, but he has been associated with the term “Top Traffic Star” since his opening his first social media account in China, on Douyin, in 2021. The strange thing is? No one talked about Andy’s traffic as being a bad thing. No one questioned if his traffic had been a result of PR, MCN etc etc. He has continued to get likes and approval from state media, from state officials; he has sung in state-sponsored events, for President Xi.

Why is his treatment so different? Is it because Andy is the perfect star, like Gg said before, like so many people in China have said? 

Of course not — and I say this with confidence, having followed Andy for so many years. Andy has made his share of mistakes. Nothing major— as a star, he is really as professional as they come — but some of these mistakes, if repeated today, would definitely put a significant damper on a younger, rising star’s popularity. Some would even more definitely displease the Chinese government of 2022. 

And the Chinese government of 2022 isn’t unaware of Andy’s history. 

For example, I can still find the remnant of a special issue on CCTV news from more than decade ago, when Andy’s secret marriage had just been uncovered. As romantic as the page may look, the title was 大話天王 Liar Heavenly King, a nickname bestowed upon Andy at the time (Heavenly King was itself a nickname given to the most popular singers in Hong Kong during the 1990s). In the numerous links on the page, the state media recounted every old romantic rumour associated with Andy, from the details of the tell-all by his former girlfriend to his gay rumours. 

The header of CCTV’s online special issue “celebrating” Andy’s marriage (Source).

Even Andy’s career that, in the narrative offered by the Chinese media today, justifies his top traffic, has been built by many things that the Chinese government of 2022 can’t possibly approve. Andy’s rise to superstardom was very much contributed by films that glorified the mafia — Andy’s signature role was the bad boy with a heart of gold. His CV was packed with awfully made movies. The countless music awards he had won? Anyone who is familiar HK-ent at the time would tell you — they were the result of PR, of money and profits changing hands. Hong Kong had a healthy industry of entertainment journalism, and these exchanges were not exactly secrets. Stars have talked about it openly themselves. One of the simplest “rules” of the game, for example, was that attendance to the awards ceremony was required if a star wished to win any major awards, because the star’s attendance would bring viewership to the programme, and the viewership, advertisement income to the stations hosting those ceremonies. 

The same elements that Prof S claimed to have built the evil top traffic-dom of Gg have, therefore, also helped build Andy’s top traffic-dom, only in a different playing field because the industry, the technology had been different then. 

Wong Kar-wai’s directorial debut, and his first commercial success was also a mafia-glorifying movie, 旺角卡門 As Tears Go By (1988), which starred Andy in the lead role. 

And all of this is insignificant to Andy’s political adventures, which would have certainly got him cancelled immediately if he were any younger, any less established. In 1993, he attended Taiwan’s National Birthday celebration, and wore its military suit. Hong Kong’s last colonial governor, Chris Patten, who became the enemy of the Chinese government by attempting to inject more democracy into Hong Kong’s political system right before its handover, called Andy his friend — he used to invite Andy to the governor’s mansion for dinner. 

Do the people in China know, remember these things? Some do. The few antis Andy have (yes, one can be 60 year old and still have antis) were posting his old photos in the military suit here and there, but netizens just looked away, ignored them.

Andy dressed in Taiwan’s military uniform, from 1993. Photos from that evening were sporadically seen in the discussions of the Douyin concert. They didn’t make a splash at all. (Source).

Thus, Andy is far from perfect, by the official standards set by the Chinese government of what perfection means for its top celebrities.

The perception of Andy being perfect — a perception that, by the way, has never been shared in Andy’s home of Hong Kong, even at the height of his popularity there, of the amount of respect he commanded — has actually been fuelled, encouraged by the Chinese government, especially over the last decade. 

In other words, Andy isn’t a state-approved traffic star because he is perfect. Rather, he is perfect because he is a state-approved top traffic star.

What makes Andy state-approved, if it isn’t perfection? Andy * is * very professional. He is polite, kind, generous. He has lived a disciplined, clean private life, and …

Having watched Gg and Dd for two years, I don’t think Gg and Dd are inferior, compared to Andy at their age, in any way. It’s true, of course, that Andy has a far longer list of accomplishments than Gg or Dd has. However, many of those accomplishments were possible only after Andy had reached superstardom — sending fresh, previously overlooked directorial talents onto their paths of success, for example. Andy couldn’t have done it without having amassed sufficient wealth, and sufficient influence in the industry first.

Young stars like Gg and Dd are simply not at that stage in their careers. If a CV like Andy’s is the government’s requirement for a star to justify their top traffic, then, there’s really not much any young star can do — they have already been set up for failure. Andy has a 30+ years head start ahead of them, and that’s before considering that his career rise had happened in a place, an industry with far less rules and restrictions. Censorship.

Perhaps, it all comes to this — Andy can become a state-approved top traffic star because his traffic isn’t threatening anymore. His fans are older; they are there for him, but they are also distracted, tied down by life. They have little time or energy to mobilise, start any movement. 

Their lack of online presence also means … their traffic is no longer worth robbing.

This is the end of the two stories of Andy I’d like to share.

Aside from the question of whether Gg and Dd are just not perfect enough, the stories have got me thinking too: in the days of traffic robbery, wouldn’t selective invisibility be a nice attribute for Chinese fandoms to have? The ability to be alternatively seen and not seen, the ability to camouflage to — I don’t know, the Weibo background? — during politically sensitive moments like now.

Gg and Dd have already made themselves semi-invisible. 

Sometimes, when c-turtles feel the challenges Gg and Dd are facing as the top-traffic stars, they would say the following, derived from the quote Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown from Shakespeare’s Henry IV:

「欲戴王冠，必承其重 」

Literally: If one desires to wear the crown, one must be able to bear its weight.

And I think of the crown; the charts, the graphics intended to broadcast a number one rank in sales, in viewership, in number of endorsements etc etc. I think of all the jewels on the crown, the shining proofs of traffic, of being popular, of being loved ... blings-blings that are just begging to be robbed. A crown that doesn’t, actually, make anyone king. When one is the king, the crown belongs to them — even if that crown is in a high tower somewhere.

I think of President Xi, whose pursuit of his 3rd term of the General Secretary have already given him the nickname Emperor Xi. I think of the “Two Establishes and Two Safeguards”, the propaganda emphasising, dictating “Love me and no body else”. How attractive a crown of popularity must look to him now, on the eve of the National Congress.

And I think,

無冕之王

The King without a Crown.

[allwaswell16]

{Recently Read 1D Fics}

September 2021

These are all the One Direction fics I read and enjoyed in September. There are 17 recs here in all! You can listen to my podcast to hear me talk about each of these fics as well as an overview of what was posted on ao3 in September including the fics on this month’s fic roundup which you can find here! Please let the writers know if you liked the fics by leaving kudos and comments! Happy reading!

Fanfictional Podcast #29 | ko-fi | fic recs

-Larry-

Hold You Now by @solvetheminourdreams

(M, 131k, ex-fwb, British Louis, American Harry, PR specialist to freelancer Harry, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, consultant to recruiter Louis, travel, slow burn, flashbacks, pining, lack of communication, no cheating, mild smut, a MUST READ emotional journey)

Three years ago, Harry Styles said goodbye to communications consultancy firm McQuiston Worldwide, leaving a life of travel and agency PR behind.

Know a Trick or Two by SadaVeniren / @sadaveniren

(E, 44k, Harry Potter au, magic, mpreg, one night stand, accidental pregnancies, mpreg Louis, mpreg Harry, muggle Harry, wizard Louis, quidditch player Louis, time jump, kid fic, Hogwarts, smut, so much fun!)

the one where Muggle Harry and Wizard Louis have a one night stand and get more than they bargained out of it.

Compass to my Soul by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(T, 31k, canon, a/b/o, omega Louis, alpha Harry, touring, angst, hurt/comfort, omega drop, touch deprivation, alcohol, cuddling, miscommunication, nesting, touring, no smut, I cried the whole way through because Louis is so vulnerable and sad, help I'm sad just thinking about it but also I loved it)

Louis Tomlinson, omega, is 1/5 of world famous boy band One Direction. He spends his time hoping his bandmates don’t notice him.

Not Ready for This by @berzerkshires

(E, 18k, kid fic, single parent Louis, single parent Harry, dual pov, summer, secret relationship, smut, loved the dialogue and they were having way too much fun sneaking around lol)

Louis and Harry are both single fathers and their children decide to go out on a date.

Man, Deconstructed by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom

(E, 13k, sculptor Harry, artist Harry, strangers to lovers, misunderstandings, mistaken identity, stress baker Harry, disaster gay Harry, embarrassing situation, meet cute kind of lol, smut, bh, this was absolutely hilarious and embarrassing lol)

the one where a well-meaning best mate, a sculpture-worthy arse, and a heaping dose of misunderstanding combine to create sheer and utter chaos, and also, maybe, the best thing Harry’s ever found.

One Vote Can Rock the Boat by @2tiedships2

(M, 12k, a/b/o, alpha Harry, omega Louis, protective Harry, strangers to lovers, NYC, placing bets, oral sex, knotting, smut, whew this was hot)

the one where Omega Louis shows off his “I voted” sticker as one of the first 100 customers to get a free vibrator. The beautiful alpha behind the counter informs him that he’s customer 101.

My Sun and Stars, Moon of my Life by@ohharold

(M, 7k, Game of Thrones au, arranged marriage, dragons, fantasy, violence, mpreg Harry, smut, never read/saw GOT but this was very cool)

Harry was used to the luxuries of Kings Landing and then Pentos but when his brother is desperate for the crown he is entitled to, Harry must be part of an arranged marriage to a ruthless Khal of a Dothraki tribe.

baby I'll never leave (if you keep holding me this way) by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

(T, 6k, lockdown au, teacher Louis, baker Harry, strangers to lovers, accidental breaking and entering, motorcycle, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, no smut, so lovely)

It is singing. Whoever is trying to rob him is in his kitchen, singing an eighties pop song under their breath. And they made cookies?

Call Me, Beep Me, If You Wanna Reach Me by therogueskimo

(NR, 6k, uni au, Brits in the U.S., strangers to lovers, first date, first kiss, embarrassing situation, pining, humor, Siri, so cute and funny)

“Will Harry Styles ever text me?” Louis looked back at Liam and Liam just smirked at him.

Birthday Princess by @kingsofeverything

(E, 4k, bartender Louis, Harry's birthday, alcohol, micropenis, oral sex, meet cute, semi-public sex, car sex, smut, funny and sweet and hot all at the same time)

Harry celebrates his birthday with Blow Jobs (and Slippery Nipples and Sex on the Beach) and drunkenly propositions the bartender in the bathroom.

Scent Partner by amomentoflove / @daggerandrose

(E, 4k, a/b/o, alpha Louis, omega Harry, strangers to lovers, pwp, heat, scenting, smut, meep!)

If both parties agree, they meet at a heat room for the omega’s heat.

The Cake Fairy by @homosociallyyours

(G, 2k, Harry/Louis, baking, flirting, slice of life, baker Harry, fluff, cute and fun!)

When Louis' attempt at making a Barbie princess cake is a huge, messy fail, Liam suggests he call in The Cake Fairy.

truth or dare by @jaerie

(E, 2k, strangers to lovers, truth or dare, alcohol, size difference, micropenis, size kink, smut, woah holy shit lol)

Harry likes small dicks. He finds a stranger that has one.

Take Me Home by SunTomato / @sun-tomato

(NR, 2k, uni au, roommates, banter, ot5, friendship, time jumps, no smut, really sweet)

Moving house sucks. Of course, it doesn’t help that, while the four of them had been trying to divide and pack everything before the deadline this weekend, Louis had spent his time unpacking it again.

The Bachelors and the Bachelorette by @turnyourankle

(NR, 2k, Bachelorette au, fake relationship, ficlet, shower sex, smut, hot and fun!)

With little left to do Harry and Louis both signed up to be contestant on the Bachelorette.

-Tomlinshaw-

the next bit was spanners to my plan by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(T, 6k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw, canon, fwb kind of, casual sex, secret relationship, no explicit smut, communication issues, texting, ah such great Tomlinshaw banter and dynamic!)

Louis and Nick end up shagging on the sly, everyone sends far too many emojis and far too few words, and eventually they're going to have to sort themselves out.

-Zouis-

driver's license by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment

(T, 6k, Zayn/Louis, enemies to lovers, bed sharing, snow storm, winter, misunderstandings, banter, Canada, Louis pov, alcohol, demisexuality, unresolved tension, no smut, obsessed with this)

Louis is taking the exam to get his driver’s licence for the 3rd time (okay, sue him), and the examiner keeps getting under his skin, until they suddenly get stranded in the middle of a snow storm, and have to learn to cooperate.