#but i found more photos from this shoot sooo whatever

[eroticlamb]

Tom Keifer of Cinderella photographed for RAW magazine, 1990⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ˖ ࣪ Photographed by Mark Weiss

[katnissmellarkkk]

General #7

Hiiii! Okay, well I bet you thought I forgot about this! Or, more than likely, you forgot you even requested this back in Decemeber. But never fear, my child. I remembered and have been thinking of this fic and what to write for months. 

And so I’m so sorry, I’m a total perfectionist and I started and discared like 3 ideas for this before deciding on this oneshot sooo if this sucks, I’m at least comforted by the fact that I accomplished something in writing this itself? That sentence made zero sense but... I’m tired 🤷🏼‍♀️😅.

Prompt : General # 7 :

“Is that blood?” 

“Yes but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-” 

“You are literally bleeding.”

Anyways, thank you for the prompt and here we go! 

Whispers Of Light

I don't know exactly how I got roped into this. How exactly Delly Cartwright, Peeta's best friend—and alright, my friend now too—managed to convince me to help her and Leevy and about three dozen other members of the community with sorting boxes.

Sorting boxes. Organizing contents. Decorating with "found treasures".

The type of activities Prim loved doing with our mother. The type of activities I refused to do after my father died, to punish my mother for her depression.

The type of activities I now kick myself for walking out on, that I'll never be able to take back. I'll never be able to get those moments back with my sister. I'll never know what those hours between her and our mother entailed, because I chose to exclude myself, just so I could hold onto my petty anger for something that was out of all our control.

Maybe that's why I agreed to help Delly and the others with sorting through boxes upon boxes of debrief, of the items that scarcely survived Twelve's bombing almost two years ago. Maybe I only agreed out of guilt, both for never doing this type of endeavor with my sister and for being the direct cause of the bombing itself.

But whatever my reasons were, I agreed to help nonetheless, and I always follow through my promises. If there was one part of me forged in the war, if only one minor aspect of me was amplified in the smoke and haze and blood of revolution, it was the importance of keeping your promises, against all odds.

The dire consequences of a broken promise has long lasting aftereffects, beyond anything either Haymitch or I wish to dwell on.

"Katniss!" Delly calls, holding up an old, half-ripped paper book that is completely void of a front cover. "Look! I think this book is from the old Apothecary Shop!"

I squint at the dusty, decimated item, not entirely convinced. "I don't think so?" I murmur, unable to even decipher the words on the now melted, conjoined pages. "I'm pretty sure my mother kept the only apothecary book in her family?"

Kanon Bagley turns to inspect the battered item in his girlfriend's hands as well. "I don't think this is a medicinal plant book, Dells," he says sheepishly, a small smirk playing on his lips.

She gives him an incredulous look. "What do you mean medicinal?"

I peer up at him too, not comprehending his meaning any more than Delly. "What kind of plants do you think are in here?" I ask, taking the nearly destroyed object myself and flipping through the worn pages again, seeing odd herbs that neither of my parents ever mentioned or had on hand. "These don't look like the poisonous ones my father told me about?"

Kanon bites back a laugh now and I can't help feeling a little perturbed. As kind and soft-spoken as he usually is, I'm foreign to the feeling of him laughing at me. "What?" Delly snaps at him before I even can.

He still chuckles though, in spite of both our nasty glares. "You guys, it's a book of plants that'll get you high."

It takes a full minute for the meaning to dawn on me. Long enough that Leevy and a couple guys I used to go to school with come over to inspect the book as well. Long enough that they confirm Kanon's assessment just as I realize we're talking about plants that'll make you feel akin to how the morphling made me feel while confined for I killing Coin.

While everyone else snickers—and Delly full on chortles—I pass the book back to Kanon, sliding out of the crowd and moving towards a brand new box of savaged items.

It's not that the mention of plant-based drugs is a trigger for me. It's not something I ever truly gave any thought to before, to be honest. My father likely knew of them but it's not like he was about to bestow that kind of knowledge on his eleven-year-old and my mother perhaps felt it was inappropriate to mention.

No, it wasn't the subject in itself that hit a sore spot for me. But like so many times before, it's where the subject led my mind. It's where the topic took me back to.

Snow's Execution Day. The day I chose to kill President Coin instead. Being thrown back into my old tribute room. Getting high on the morphling.

Trying to forget all that I'd lost. Trying to forget my little sister becoming a human torch before my very eyes. My district engulfed in flames. The ambiguous loss of my best friend.

The connection between me and Peeta that I believed then would be permanently severed. That I believed then to be irreparable.

I suppose I believed then I was irreparable too.

And I miss Peeta suddenly, even more than I already did. Because he always knows what to say when my thoughts turn dark, when I'm suddenly triggered out of the happy, every day events and suctioned backwards to a war torn bird with her wings clipped.

But he's not here to talk me down or scare away the ghosts haunting my mind. He's not here to comfort me or even shoot me a supportive glance. No, he's at his very busy business today.

Peeta's bakery—the Mellark Bakery—has only proven to withstand the test of time these past few months. Since someone accidentally burned down the place, with nothing more than a croissant and a fancy Capitol toaster, the rebuilt bakery has been nothing but a success.

And also extremely time-consuming, I grumble internally, as I begin to pull out stuffed toys that once belonged to dead children.

"If any of those are still intact, we can donate them to the community home," Leaf John says as he opens the box across from me.

"And what exactly are we supposed to be use as decorations from these boxes?" I murmur, peering into another cardboard container, full of half-charred papers and cloths.

The general idea of today, as Delly had pitched it to me last week, was to help the community of Twelve finally sort through these boxes, donate what we could to those in need and decorate the new Justice Building with the leftover contents inside.

Somehow though I can't imagine pinning up terrible drawings of plants that'll inebriate you or headless teddy bears is going to bode well with the district.

Delly rolls her eyes in my direction—a whole new kind of response that I never thought I'd be receiving from the girl who skipped through the town square until she was fourteen years old—before nodding towards boxes on top of the ladder. "We're decorating the Justice Building with the surviving photos from those boxes, Katniss."

"Oh." Then why am I sorting these grimy, dirt-covered playthings? Why didn't anyone give me more clear instructions on today?

And why has it taken almost two years for Twelve to get a group of people together to organize the surviving items from the bombing?

I have no idea how Peeta's managed to get two bakeries built in the time it's taken for thirty-eight of us to come to the Justice Building and look through fifty cardboard boxes. And if I'm being honest, I have no idea why I'm even still here helping. I'm clearly not contributing much to the event. There's definitely more than enough volunteers without me.

And, of course, I could be at the bakery right now. Without a doubt, I'd be of more service there than I am here, digging through dusty knickknacks. I could be helping Peeta and Thom and the other part-time employees, exerting more knowledge and authority than I have here.

After all, Peeta did say the bakery was partially mine. In his mind, at least.

The ulterior motive of getting small, fleeting moments with my boyfriend, of basking in the feeling of safety with him beside me, of the occasional stolen kiss or hand squeeze when no one is looking, runs through the back of my mind.

And sways my decision immensely.

I open my mouth to tell Delly and the others that I'm about to head out, that they clearly have it covered here and I'm just in the way, when at the worst possible second, Leevy kindly murmurs, "Katniss, do you mind starting on the box on the ladder? Seeing if any of the pictures are in decent enough shape?"

I hesitate for a long moment, realizing immediately my predicament. It'd be rude to leave right after someone just essentially assigned me a task. I did agree to be here today, to help out with this tedious project. Leaving right now would only come off as rude and inconsiderate.

This is the reason I never did enjoy group assignments in school. The longer I'm here, the more I'm rediscovering this fact about myself. The division of the workload, the bore of the standing around, not knowing if you're doing the right or wrong thing, the lack of total control.

But I still nod after waiting a beat too long and agree with the nicest flare in my tone I can manage.

I'll go through the one box at the top of the ladder and then subtly make my exit afterwards. The image I unintentionally conjured up of Peeta and the bakery is still pulling at me, making me anxious to get back to him, to see him again even though we were together only three hours ago.

Since we officially became a couple a few months back—though Haymitch scoffs at that notion, claiming we've been together since Peeta first started sleeping over in my bed—I've found myself growing far more clingy to him than I ever could have anticipated. I hate when he leaves for the bakery in the mornings now, even as I still revel in the solace I find inside the woods. I look forward to his return home every night. More than even look forward to it, I'm usually at the bakery around the closing hours, helping him clean and inventory, asking him when he's coming home. Maybe looking somewhat unconsciously flirtatious as I say it.

I grab the box sitting on the ladder's top stair and pull it open, easily maintaining my balance one rung down, the same way I maintain my balance on a tree branch while hunting.

Inside pours out a plethora of photographs, mostly of Twelve's now past citizens. Near the top of the pile I see images of Greasy Sae's daughter, Dolly. The mother of her granddaughter. The daughter who died of croup a few years before the war.

Those photos must belong to Sae, I realize. Which means more of her items are probably scattered throughout the boxes here. And despite the fact that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she'll tell me not of be impractical, that if she's made it two years without these things she doesn't need them now, I still make a mental note to return her lost items. If nothing else, I make a mental promise to give back to her the photos of her daughter.

I know better than anyone what kind of comfort photographs of the deceased can provide.

As if in line with my thoughts, as if I alone manifested it somehow, the next image that catches my eye is one I entirely do not anticipate.

It's a shiny photo, on the kind of glossy paper my family could never afford. In the image is a blonde man with broad shoulders and a tall build. Wrapped in his embrace stands a petite girl, with long blonde curls and mascara accentuating her already long lashes. The couple both have eyes that match the color of the sky and are dressed up in some of the nicest clothes in all of Twelve. A white dress with lace. A gray suit with a black vest. The pretty girl wears jewelry and lipstick and there's a familiar glint in the male's eyes and I find myself mesmerized.

And I can't pretend I don't see my boyfriend in both of their faces. I can't pretend Peeta isn't the spitting image of both his parents.

He has his mother's smile, I realize with startling assurance. I never saw the witch smile personally, at any point in my life so I suppose I wouldn't know where he got his charming, sweet grin from.

The mannerism looks so out of place on his mother. The kind smile Peeta has, the one that could light up a blackened sky, doesn't bode with the woman in the picture, even on her wedding day. The charming smile doesn't fit with what I know of the woman's character. With what little about her Peeta chooses to share.

But I'm even more surprised to find how much Peeta has come to resemble his father. How much Peeta has grown to favor the now deceased man.

The last time I saw the baker—the original baker, that is. Haidon Mellark—before the Quarter Quell, I resented the fact that Peeta wasn't as tall or as broad as his father. I privately believed if he'd inherited those traits, he'd be even more likely to win the games again and I could worry about him less.

Peeta was always taller than me and was always remarkably strong, after working in the bakery since childhood. But his father was a whole different level. Haidon Mellark, I'd forgotten until now, had a body that could only rival my own father's.

And as it turns out, Peeta did inherit Haidon's physicality. He just also happened to be a late bloomer. Like his mother, I imagine, staring at her tiny frame in the picture.

The change in Peeta's form occurred so gradually I barely even noticed until a couple months ago, when I woke up with my head against his heart and abruptly realized just how broad he had become. Until I couldn't even reach to kiss his jaw on my tip toe. Until he started laughing at me and had to lift me up in order to properly embrace the way I like.

"Katniss?" I hear Delly beckon, trying to bring me back to reality. Trying and failing, that is. I hear her but only in a vague, distant sense. My mind is still stuck on the image in my grasp. Still stuck on the novelty that I managed to find a remembrance for the boy who still at times questions if his memory is full of lies.

"I still cry about my family and somedays I can't even remember their faces."

I never even considered the possibility of finding a token of Peeta's departed family here. It never occurred to me, the potential finds in this box at my fingertips, that I could take home to my boyfriend. I never imagined finding him something to hold onto when the inevitable dark day came again like a storm cloud, full of thunder.

I'm so entranced what this could mean for Peeta, so lost in my own little world, that I'm barely even hanging onto the ladder. I'm definitely not as steady as I should be, standing near the top rung.

And I'm definitely not steady enough to hang on when Delly gives it a rough shake, trying to catch my attention.

/

The boxes break my fall. Sort of. Kanon and Leaf John had taken the liberty of placing the empty cardboard, already looked through and emptied, beneath the ladder.

Falling headfirst into a large, void box is better than falling plainly onto the filthy, concrete tile floor. But not ideal. Not as helpful as falling into a box of surviving clothes or toys would have been.

Delly apologized profusely for shaking the ladder. She'd even begun to cry when she noticed the blood seeping from my forehead.

Thankfully Kanon was there, as I didn't have the energy to console her much. I don't even know how I managed to cut my head at all, but it stung a fair amount and it provided me the excuse I wanted minutes prior, to escape the group project and head for the bakery.

Even after the fall, my mind still was cemented on the newfound treasure. My first instinct was still to show this memento to Peeta as soon as possible.

Kanon though, like a good friend, insisted on walking me home, despite my many protests that it was unnecessary, that I was just fine, that I could walk home blind if I had to. He insisted, foiling my intention to walk directly to the bakery and not wait for Peeta's return home, which still remained hours away.

Kanon was surprisingly stubborn when he felt strongly about something and I chose to relent, to give in and allow him to accompany me back to what used to be Victor's Village—where he now resided with Delly, inside Peeta's old home—without much fight.

Fighting for your independence and autonomy doesn't exactly present you as rational when there's a bloody gash in your forehead.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Kanon asks as we make out way up my porch.

I look up, maybe a little startled, from Mr. and Mrs. Mellark's wedding photo. "My head?"

"Yeah," he says carefully, looking at the blood like it's a mutt in an arena.

I shrug, doing my best not to indicate how dizzy I actually feel. Either from the fall or the blood still dripping out despite my attempt to plug the wound up with old cotton rags someone sorted into the trash box. "I've had worse."

He chuckles, a little sardonically. "Yeah, so have I."

I thank him for walking me home—for it was as inconvenient as it was sweet—and close the door slowly behind me, before leaning my ear against the wooden frame, waiting. Waiting for him to climb the steps down from my porch and make his way back to the Justice Building. Waiting for him to be far enough out of sight that I can sneak back out without him also trying to accompany me to the bakery.

It's not that I don't appreciate Kanon and Delly and all of my other friends' concerns. It's the fact that I wish to bestow a likely loaded item upon my boyfriend and I really don't need an audience to do it.

It's not the easiest feat, to slyly time it so Kanon won't hear me opening and shutting my front door again. And it's probably not my smartest plan, to walk alone along the rocky cobblestones and the uneven concrete, with a less than level head and body.

But I make it to the back door of the bakery still, just as I knew I would. It takes three times as long, but I make it there nonetheless.

Still clutching the photograph of his parents between my fingers too. Still with the same primary focus on my mind. To give him a token of remembrance, a token of the imperfect family he lost so tragically, that he still greatly missed, even when he can't say their names. Even when he can't conjure up their faces.

"You don't remember your family?"

"Sometimes I do... I'm not so sure other days. My memory isn't exactly top notch, if you know what I mean."

I push open the heavy-weighted back door, using all the energy my body can muster up. To my relief, Thom is already in the back room, sweeping flour off the floor.

"Hi, boss," he greets slyly as I walk in, barely glancing up at me. I shoot him an over-the-top eye roll, though I can't help smirking myself at the stupid nickname, when he beckons Peeta. "Hey, your girl is here!" He yells loudly. Too loudly to be packed with customers at the counter.

I take that to mean the daily rush has come and gone. Which would be very convenient, as it means I can present Peeta with my finding that much faster, without having to worry about his business—or our business, as he teasingly calls it—being held up.

I hear the sound of my boyfriend's quiet laughter from the front. The sound that I akin to my father's singing or my sister's squeal of delight. The last sound still alive that can make my heart do a flip.

But it dies out the second he peaks his blonde head into the back room. The moment his baby blues, the same color as both his parents', meet my silver ones and then trail upwards.

Almost as if remembering the gash in my head, I reach to my forehead, to ensure the makeshift cloth bandage is still in place.

"Katniss?" Peeta says, his eyes looking far more nervous than I anticipated. Which I can only take to mean the red liquid has seeped through the plain fabric. "Is that blood?"

I don't want him to focus too heavily on that fact though. Like I told Kanon, I've had much worse injuries in my life. Me and Peeta both have.

Just look at his prosthetic leg.

"Yes," I reply easily, before moving closer to him, pushing the glossy photograph towards him. "But that doesn't matter right now. What does matter is-"

"You are literally bleeding."

I sigh, feeling slightly perturbed now. "Peeta, look," I insist, thrusting the image of his parents towards him, waiting for it to take anchor.

And it does. It takes a beat longer than I expect, but it happens nonetheless. I watch silently as the image captives him, as the shiny photograph takes him back to a time when this exact location was the only home he'd ever known and this business was run by the two people inside the picture.

He touches the photo, as if to test it's realism, before looking up at me in disbelief. "Where did you find this?"

"The Justice Building today. Inside the boxes, with all the things lost in the bombing."

There's a long pause as Peeta process this. The silence makes me antsy, finding myself abruptly uncertain of what could be going through his mind.

Finally, he whispers softly, "I never thought I'd see this picture again."

And the awed, tender smile that spreads across his face swiftly encompasses me in its warmth.

And I suddenly don't even feel the gash in my head anymore.

/

Read The Rest On AO3

[spnreactions]

15x19: Inherit the Earth

Alright guys. 

It’s time. 

The unofficial finale. 

The season finale that ties up a lot of loose ends before we hit the official series finale. 

Oh god I’m so scared. 

But I’m also sooo excited. 

AHHH!

Okay. Let’s just do this. 

Oh. Hey Amara. 

AHHH! My baby. :’( :’( 

OPE! Looks like God’s book is gonna come into play. 

GEE THANKS FOR SHOWING ME THAT AGAIN AHHH!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

“Now”

...f**k. This really is Infinity War...

My Mom: Oh look. It’s the pandemic. 

...wow. 

Everyone. 

...

...who’s gonna ask it? 

Which one of them is gonna ask about Cas? 

I bet it’s gonna be Jack.

Awww Sam...this wasn’t your fault. 

Yep. Called it. 

:’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

The reactions to that oh my god. Dean really is trying too hard to be the strong one here, but Jensen is doing a really good job of playing the hurt and the pain subtly enough to know it’s there. 

And Jack... :’( :’( :’( My poor baby. I didn’t expect anything less, but god it hurts... :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

AHHHH!! WHY DID WE HAVE TO LOSE CAS??!! 

Sam’s face too. :’( :’( :’( 

The way they’re both tearing up. 

God...I hate it. :’( :’( :’( :’( 

Sam’s trying. He’s so desperate. 

JODY! NOOOOOOO!!!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( 

THERE BETTER BE A WAY TO GET EVERYONE BACK!!

:’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

I kind of wanted a little more from that moment between Dean and Jack, but I guess I don’t know what else would happen. Dean is upset, and Jack is upset, and Dean’s just trying his best, but it’s hard for him too, so I guess that makes sense. God my poor boys. :’( :’( :’( 

Wow. That shot. 

UGGGGH! SCREW YOU CHUCK!!! (But also that zoom-out was really cool.) 

...wow. 

...ouch.... (I mean, he’s not wrong, but ouch.) 

IT SURE LOOKS THAT WAY DOESN’T IT! 

I thought he was gonna say “the kid” there oops lol. Saying “Jack” is better anyways. 

MY POOR BABY AHHH!!! NOOO!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

OKAY WTF??!!!

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT??!! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BABY??!!! :’( :’( :’( 

Dean did you just...get a beer? (Oh who am I kidding? Of course he did.) 

Sam no. Stop. This isn’t your fault. :’( :’( 

Sam noooo. What you did was right. 

Sam... :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

My Mom: SAM! Don’t yell at him! 

God. You know it’s bad when Dean and Jack are the positive ones and Sam is the one giving up... :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

Come on Sam. You guys are Winchesters. Winchesters never give up. 

I really like the cinematography in this. There are so many panning shots and it’s really cool for the style and story of the episode and everything. 

EWWWW!!! SCREW YOU!!!!

Ugh. Rob Benedict is so good at his acting as Chuck, but man, I really hate Chuck. 

Wait, REALLY?! There has to be a catch here right? They wouldn’t just do that. 

AWWW!! DEAN!!! :’( :’( <3 <3 <3 <3 

...wow. 

I guess they are giving up. 

HEY! 

UGH! COME ON CHUCK!!! 

SCREW YOU!!!!

I mean, that was bound to happen.

BUT SCREW YOU!!!!

HEY! 

Jack is NOT a lap dog, you jerk. 

...that is SOOO not cool. 

As if the Winchesters need any more eternal suffering and shame...Jesus Christ. 

SCREW! YOU! CHUCK!!! 

Ahh...this montage of all of them grieving. :’( :’( :’( 

That was a really great shot of Jack, by the way. <3 <3 

But also :’( :’( :’( :’( 

Poor Dean, on the floor with his alcohol.... :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

...no you don’t. 

...ope. 

Jack’s...hearing something? Sensing something?

Ah. Sensing something. 

HA! 

HEY! PROMO LINE!!! 

....wait. That’s a good point. I guess because he, like, is still a nephilim, right? 

DOGGO!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

IT’S THE DOGGO FROM THE PROMO!!! <3 <3 <3 

“Miracle.” <3 <3 <3 

He’s just so happy to see somebody else alive oh my gosh. <3 <3 

Also, I saw something before talking about the promo and saying that it would be really out of character for Dean to like a dog in this episode, but, like, really? I mean, what about Dog Dean Afternoon where he finally found an appreciation--even a love--for dogs? I think it makes perfect sense. Especially since he’s so desperate to just...have something to hold onto again, to have somebody to save. The dog makes perfect sense. <3 

Awww!! SEE??!! IT GIVES HIM HOPE!! 

HA! Dean OMG!! XD XD 

Sam’s surprise is hilarious. XD XD 

Oh Dean... 

HA! DEAN I LOVE YOU!! 

SEE?! THAT is what we call CHARACTER GROWTH PEOPLE!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

My mom said “good boy” to our dog at the same time Dean said “good boy” to their new dog lol. 

AWWW!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

NO!!!

My Mom: SERIOUSLY?! NOT COOL!! 

ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME CHUCK??!!! 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW??!!! 

THAT WAS SO UNNECESSARY CHUCK WTF??!! 

JERK!!! YOU F***ING SUCK CHUCK!!! 

THAT WAS JUST UNCOOL ON SO MANY LEVELS UGH!!!! 

My Mom: That is messed up. 

UGH!! 

Stupid Chuck. Go die in a hole already. 

...okay. Okay. 

“I have no idea what we’re walking into.” To reiterate, what else is new? 

I bet it’s Michael. 

My Mom: They’re walking...very slowly. Me: Well, yeah. They’re being cautious. My Mom: But they need to hurry up. The suspense is killing me. (XD XD XD)

...okay I see her point. 

Heeeey Michael. 

...Jack looks...mad, for some reason. 

Not gonna lie, I was 100% expecting to see wings there. Kind of disappointed that I didn’t get them. 

HA! He would. 

Awww...too bad. (Not gonna lie, though, my mom and I never really liked Adam. But! We do really like Jake Abel as Michael. He does a great job.) 

UGH. Poor boys... :’( :’( :’( 

“Amazingly”

...come again? 

OH! 

...welp. 

That’s awkward. 

“All caring” HA! I actually laughed out loud when he said that, because yeah no. 

...you could almost say...he’s “Daddy’s blunt little instrument”.... (...and now I made myself cry ugh.) 

Oh. THAT’S why Jack’s mad. 

Oh thank god! Now we have another powerful being on our side!! 

Oh hey! It’s that scene from the promo photos! 

...yeah there’s no way it’s that easy. 

That’d be nice. 

But there’s no way. 

Yep. Not that easy. 

Welp...shoot. That would’ve been nice. 

GUYS!!! IT’S THE SCENE!!! FROM THE PROMO PHOTOS!!

....awww...boys. :’( :’( 

UMMM

Yeah no. I don’t buy it. It’s a trick. 

OH MY GOD THE WAY HE JUST BOOKS IT AHHHH!!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE SAYING DEAN DOESN’T RECIPROCATE, LOOK AT THIS!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

There’s no way it’s really Cas. 

But god, the way he runs to him. :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

It’s probably Chuck though. 

WHOA! 

UMMM!!

WELL! 

THAT WASN’T WHO I WAS EXPECTING AT ALL! 

But OKAY THEN!! I’M EXCITED! 

I LOVE HIIM!!

WELCOME BACK MARK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

My Mom: I LOVE HIM! So excited!! <3 <3 (Yeah we’re definitely related. XD)

Also! 

Dean’s FACE when he saw that it was Luci. XD XD XD 

Now THAT is a highlight of this episode. XD XD 

Jensen you dork. XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 

Anyways. 

HAHA I LOVE HIM!! XD <3 <3 

“As you guys know” XD XD 

OMG I LOVE HIM!! XD XD <3 <3 <3 

I mean, yeah, I wouldn’t trust him either. 

But also, I love him. XD <3 

....?? 

Huh. 

This is...interesting. 

HA!

OH! I see what he’s doing! 

New Death! 

Smaaaart Luci! 

...what if she hates them just as much as Billie? 

...did Dean just hide behind Sam? 

Oh no he crossed over okay lol. That makes a lot more sense. XD XD 

OPE! 

Frick. 

LUCI OMG!! XD XD <3 <3 

“And that...whatever that is.” XD XD 

HA! 

I like her. XD <3 <3 

I love how she’s talking in the third person now like they’re children. XD XD 

They’re just...a little surprised, okay? Don’t be too hard on them. 

...uh oh. 

I don’t trust that AT ALL, but okay...

My baby is monitoring Luci so closely I love him. <3 

OOOF. This is gonna be rough. 

“Mikey” XD XD <3 <3 

HA! 

The way Sam and Dean both react to the “humanity”. XD XD They were just like “excuse you?” XD 

“Asshats”?? XD XD 

“Of course I’m sure. I’m Death.” “You’ve been Death for an hour.” XD XD

...there’s a catch. There’s no way. That’s too easy. 

...yep. There it is. 

DANGAT LUCI! 

But I liiiiked you. 

Oh FRICK! 

Yeah okay. That makes a LOT more sense. 

...ouch. 

FRICK! 

Okay Jack! It’s up to you! 

Yeah he would never, so shut your face Luci. 

He says no. 

HA! XD XD 

...huh. 

Well. 

That was quick. 

Is there another catch? Cause Luci wasn’t back for very long... 

...why is Jack being so weird?? 

Like, I love my baby to death, and I definitely trust him, but he’s being soooo weird...

...a...a battle? Michael, chill. That was barely a scuffle. 

Yeah, so instead he sent Lucifer to TRICK CALL DEAN WITH CAS’S VOICE!!! SO NOT COOL LUCI!!! SO! NOT! COOL!!!! 

...you totally did don’t even. 

God. All these angels with their daddy issues. 

All these panning shots again. I love them. 

Like, dude, the camera didn’t change at all. That was awesome. <3 

...huh. 

...again, too easy. There has to be a catch. There has to be. 

But also, I really love how they did that, bouncing back in forth between them getting to the special place and Sam talking about the plan. Cool storytelling. 

Summon something unstoppable to fight him...well that just sounds like another problem, doesn’t it?? 

My Mom: That’s a really pretty special place. (She’s not wrong.)

...I’m waiting for the catch. 

I’m waiting very nervously for the catch. 

My Mom: Whoa. 

...it didn’t work?? 

...frick. 

FRICK!!! 

DANGAT!!! 

SEIROUSLY??!!

UGH!!! FREAKING SCREW YOU MICHAEL!!! 

WHATEVER!!! Jerk. 

Ha! 

Saw that coming. 

UMMMM

UMMMMMMMMM

Okay that’s terrifying. 

No likey. 

My Mom: Ouch. Me: Yeah no kidding. 

Bye Michael. You deserved it for betraying us. 

LEAVE THEM ALONE!! 

...ouch. That hurts, because THE SHOW IS OVER! :’( :’( 

HA! YES SAM! 

DANGAT!!

COME ON JACK!!

Jack is bound to pivotal in this somehow...

COME ON JACK! 

HA! 

Okay, I shouldn’t be laughing, but I wanna talk about this for a second and why I laughed. One of the reasons my dad stopped watching this show is because he hated that they kept falling into the trope of bringing the big bads down to a fist-fight so that the boys have a chance. But let me tell you: it makes perfect sense right here. Chuck has the high ground. He has all the power, and he is just reveling in it. He knows (or rather, thinks, because I have faith that they’ll get out of this somehow) that he has them, and that they’re his, and he wants to take the time to truly make them suffer. Killing them quickly is too easy. It ruins the fun for him. But this? This is toying with them. It’s exactly what he wants. And it’s perfect. 

Come on boys! Stand your ground! You can do this! 

... 

:’( :’( :’( 

OW! 

My mom and I are both just cringing and turning away, because OW! 

SCREW YOU CHUCK! 

Come on boys. You can do this. 

THEY WON’T! 

OUR BOYS NEVER STAY DOWN! 

YES BOYS!! YOU GOT THIS!!! <3 <3 <3 

THEY JUST KEEP TAKING IT!! THEY KEEP GETTING BACK UP!!! I LOVE THEM!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THEY WON’T EVER GIVE UP YOU JERK!! 

OH MY GOD!!! THAT SHOT!!! SAM HELPING DEAN UP!! THEM HELPING EACH OTHER STAND!!! THAT is a BEAUTIFUL MOMENT PEOPLE!!! OH MY GOD!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

They’re SMILING!!! I LOVE IT!!! 

JACK!!! IT’S JACK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

YES BABY!!! GET HIM!!!! 

“Hey Jack” THE WAY HE SAYS THAT ALL CAUTIOUS HA!! I LOVE IT!!! 

YOU BETTER BE SCARED! 

DUDE!!!!!

DUDE DUDE DUDE!!!! 

HE IS POWERED UP!!!! 

THAT’S MY BABY!!!! 

YES!!!! 

YES BABY!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THAT’S MY BOY!!!! <3 <3 <3 

OH MY GOD YES!!!

THAT! WAS! AWESOME!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

I don’t even know how, but WOW!!! THAT WAS SO COOL!!!! 

HECK YEAH WE DID!! 

...wait...what? 

It’s...it’s empty? Cause...only Death can read it, right? 

YES BOYS!!! 

OH MY GOD YES!!!! 

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!! 

HA! I LOVE IT!!! 

I LOVE THE WAY THEY’RE DOING THIS OH MY GOD!!!! 

THIS IS OUR BOYS!!! 

OH!!

THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!! 

Of COURSE Sam and Dean knew!! Because they WOULD KNOW!!! 

DUDE!!! THAT IS THE COOLEST THING EVER!!!! 

OH MY GOD YES!!!! 

THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! THESE BOYS!!! MY BABY!!! OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE IT!!! 

My Mom: JACK!!! <3 <3 <3 This! Is! Awesome!

THAT is a Winchester ending. Like no other. <3 <3 <3 <3 

HA! SCREW YOU YOU JERK!! 

They are 100% going to let him live. 

Because he wants to die. 

So they’re not gonna let him. 

HA!! I KNEW IT!! 

THAT’S OUR BOYS!!! 

THAT! IS SO PERFECT!! 

POETIC JUSTICE PEOPLE!! 

OH MY GOD!!! 

GUYS!!!

“That’s not who I am.” 

After Chuck just called him the ultimate killer, he knows he isn’t. 

BECAUSE OF CAS!! 

GUYS!!! 

HE TOOK CAS’S WORDS TO HEART OH MY GOD!!!

YES!!!

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!! 

THAT IS THE BEST THING EVER!!!  THANK YOU CAS!!! 

CHARACTER!! GROWTH!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

“It’s not his power anymore.” YAAAAAS BABY!!! <3 <3 

JACK REALLY IS OUR NEW GOD AHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

HA! 

THAT is the BEST!!! 

YES!!!

THAT is EXACTLY what you deserve, Chuck! 

THIS! IS! PERFECT!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

BEAUTIFUL RESOLUTION SPN!!! SO GOOD!!!! 

Oh man, that music. The camera work. EVERYTHING!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

HE’S SO DESPERATE OH MY GOD YES!!!! 

YOU DESERVE IT CHUCK!!! YOU DESERVE IT YOU JERK!!! 

YES BOYS!!! I’M SO PROUD!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Guys OH MY GOD!! 

There are 15 minutes left still ahhhh I need this commercial to end so I can see the final resolution of this episode. 

WE BAAAAACK!! 

So...Jack can fix all of this now, right?? 

HIS LITTLE SMILE OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

HE DIIIIID IT!!!! 

MY BABY!!! I’M SO PROUD!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

HIS LITTLE SMILE OH MY GOD I’M CRYING!!! :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 

AND THIS SONG!! IT’S SO PERFECT FOR THIS SCENE!!

THE DOGGO!!! <3 <3 <3 

JACK’S EXTRA LITTLE SMILE FOR THE DOGGO OMG!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

safkl;jdsklfsajd THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

Awww Dean! <3 

Awww....

...he isn’t, is he? 

... :( 

AWWW!!!

“I’m me.” <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) 

JUST LIKE WHAT HE SAID IN JIM’S GEMS!! 

OH MY GOD AHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

I’M CRYING OH MY GODDDDDD!!! :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

HE’S SO WISE AHHH!! I LOVE HIM!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

FAKJLA:DJKFD OH MY GOD AHHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

“I learned from you...and my mother...and Castiel..that when people have to be their best, they can be.” YEAH HI THAT’S IT!!! I’M DONE!!! I’M LOST!! ALL THE TEARS!!! 

“And that’s what to believe in.” <3 <3 <3 <3 

THIS IS SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL OMG!!! THIS IS SUCH A PERFECT ENDING FOR MY BABY I’M SO PROUD AHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

AND THIS IS SUCH A BITTERSWEET GOODBYE, but MAN, I LOVE IT!!! 

BECAUSE IT ISN’T REALLY GOODBYE!!

BECAUSE HE’LL ALWAYS BE THERE!!! 

AND HE KNOWS HOW TO PROTECT THE WORLD BECAUSE OF HIS DADS (AND KELLY)!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

OH MY GOD I’M CRYING ALL OF THE HAPPY TEARS RIGHT NOW THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

My Mom: OMG THIS IS SO GOOD!! <3 <3 

HE JUST TOUCHED HIS HEART I’M GONNA LOSE MY SH** OH MY GODDDDDD!!! :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 

HIS LITTLE GOODBYE!!! JUST LIKE HIS LITTLE HELLO!!! THIS IS SO PERFECT OH MY FREAKING GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

“See ya Jack.” <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

OMG THIS SHOT WAS IN THE “Carry On” PROMO!!! 

“To everyone that we lost along the way.” :’( :’( :’( :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

I’M CRYING OH MY GOD THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!

THEY’RE FINALLY FREE!!! 

THEY’RE FINALLY FREE!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THAT LITTLE WAY DEAN GRABS SAM BEFORE THEY WALK OFF AHHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 

THEIR NAMES ARE ON THE TABLE HOLY FRICK!!!

CAS AND JACK’S NAMES ARE ON THE TABLE GUYS I JUST LOST ALL FUNCTIONALITY OH MY GOD!!!!! :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THEY’RE DRIVING OFF!!! <3 <3 <3

OH MY GOD WHAT??!! 

THEY’RE ACTUALLY. MONTAGING US RIGHT NOW HOLY FRICK!!! 

GUYS THIS FEELS SO FINAL WHAT COULD NEXT WEEK EVEN BRING OH MY GODDDD!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THIS SONG TOO!!! GUYS OH MY GOD MY TEARS ARE JUST FALLING EVEN MORE!!! :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THEY WERE SO LITTLE OH MY GOD!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

JESS!!

BELA!

DEATH! 

BECKY!

DONNA!

ALL OF THESE OLD CHARACTERS!!!! AHHHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

CHARLIE!! 

KEVIN!!!

THE WAY THEY’RE DOING THIS OH MY GOD I’M LOSING MY MIND!!! 

KELLY!!

THE DRIVING SCENE!!!!

ALL OF THESE SCENES OH MY GOD MY MOM AND I ARE JUST FULL-ON SOBBING RIGHT NOW!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

BOBBY!!

PAMELA!!

ELLEN!!!

CAS AND DEAN!! <3 <3 <3 

JODY! 

RUFUS! 

GARTH! 

MISSOURI!

GABRIEL! 

ROWENA!

EILEEN!

THIS ROLE CALL!!! GUYS!!! THIS WAS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING AT ALL OMG THIS FEELS SO FINAL!!!! 

JO!

LUCI! 

KETCH! 

LEBANON!! <3 <3 <3 

THAT BULL SCENE!! 

FAN FICTION!!! <3 <3 <3 

MEG! 

CROWLEY! 

MICK!! 

BELPHEGOR!! 

WAYWARD SISTERS!! <3 <3 <3 

TEAM FREE WILL 2.0!!! THEIR LAST SCENES OF THE MONTAGE WERE OF TEAM FREE WILL 2.0!!! I LOVE IT!!! 

AND THAT ENDING SCENE!!! THE IMPALA!!!

“We got work to do.” 

GUYS!!! GUYS!!! GUYS!!!

COULD THAT HAVE BEEN ANY BETTER OH MY GOD!!! 

I LOVED IT!!! 

I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT!!! 

GUYS I MORE OR LESS CAN JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO THIS BECAUSE I’M ACTUALLY HAPPY CRYING NOT EVEN SAD CRYING OMG!!! 

I! LOVED! THIS! EPISODE!! 

THIS! WAS! SO! GOOD!! IT WAS PERFECT!! I HONESTLY DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW NEXT WEEK IS GONNA LOOK NOW!! That felt SOOO final, and I honestly wasn’t expecting that! 

I mean, I knew that this episode was intended to be the season finale, with next week being the series finale, but guys...that felt so final oh my god. And it was SO! GOOD!!! I FREAKING LOVED IT!! 

So, as I often do, I scrolled through Tumblr and other various social media posts to see what people thought, and I was so surprised to see that so many people didn’t like it! While I admit that the episode had a couple little flaws, and while there are still a couple of pieces missing, guys...there’s still one episode left. They can tie up the final loose ends (Cas and Eileen being the two big ones there) then. 

And for a “season finale”?? This. Was. BEAUTIFUL!! The way they tied up Chuck’s storyline was SUCH a Winchester thing, and it was beautiful. And Jack?? BECOMING THE NEW GOD AFTER ALL?! PERFECT! And the way they said goodbye?? STELLAR!! 

AND THEN THE MONTAGE??!! You can’t POSSIBLY tell me that that wasn’t the BEST THING EVER and didn’t make you cry and feel so happy and content!!! BECAUSE IT WAS PERFECT!! 

There was SOOO much about this episode to LOVE, and so much to break down, so the rest of this analysis is gonna be so freaking long, but gosh darnat, I’m ready. 

Okay, I’ll start out with the (very few) negatives so I can end with the amazing positives, though, frankly, I’m ‘bout to combat most of those negatives, because guys, this was too perfect. Don’t even with me. 

So, actually, when I’m focusing just on my own opinion here, the only, only thing that I didn’t really like about the episode was that they randomly brought back Lucifer only to kill him right away again. I get why they did it, but it’s not my favorite plot point. I had the same problem when they did it with Gabriel back in Season 13. If you’re not actually gonna keep them, then don’t bother bringing them back. Find something else. 

That said, I was really happy to see Lucifer, and it made me so happy to see Mark Pellegrino on the screen again. So, in the end, it was worth it, especially with EVERYTHING ELSE they did in return! <3 <3 

Alright. Now I want to address my thoughts on some of the things other people didn’t like about the episode.

First of all, yes, there was not a ton of talk about Cas’s death. But here’s the thing: we didn’t need it. Character-wise, and story-wise, a ton of talk about it wouldn’t make sense. Dean is emotionally stunted. He isn’t going to outwardly react here. In fact, it was pretty obvious that he was trying to be the strong one, but the fact that he couldn’t even try to comfort Jack other than an “I’m sorry” just proves how much he was really struggling inside. Plus, his binge-drinking later just furthers that. Ever heard of show not tell? We don’t need to sit there and listen to them talk about Cas’s death, because we can see how much it’s affecting them--especially Dean and Jack. 

Jack is heartbroken. From the second Dean tells him, we see how much he’s hurting, and it doesn’t go away--not even at the end. Even when he says goodbye, and everyone’s (theoretically) happy, the second he says Cas’s name, his voice breaks a little (more on that ending later). It’s so sad, but so beautiful. 

And Dean? I mean, come on people. The drinking and everything about his face is our first sign. Plus, when he and Sam went to Chuck to make a deal, Dean specifically emphasized that he needed Cas back in order for this deal to go off--and the emotion in his voice when he said it was beautiful. Plus, on top of all of that, there was that scene. You know, the one where he thinks it’s Cas, when there is no way it could be Cas, but he’s so desperate for it to be Cas that he loses all sense of logic and books it up the stairs?? THAT SCENE? Yeah. I’d say he’s pretty heartbroken, and lost, and confused without Cas. PLUS, he actually listened to every word that Cas said to him. Because, after Chuck tried to tell him that all he was was a killer? HE! SAID! NO! And that was because of Cas. 

And THEN, on top of all of that, THEY PUT CASTIEL ON THE TABLE!! (Side note: I’m pretty sure the fandom has collectively decided that the only reason it said “Castiel” is because the writers didn’t want to end on a “Cas” vs “Cass” debate, and I freaking love that, because I agree. XD) There would’ve been no better way to honor his death without bringing him back (more on that later). I! FREAKING! LOVED! IT! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Alright. Now, let’s break down that ending, positives, negatives, and everything in between. 

Let me start by saying--and I cannot say this enough--I LOVED this ending. LOVED! IT! I thought it was a perfect end for Chuck, for Jack, for the boys--everyone. It was so beautiful and well-thought out, and the way they portrayed it was extra special. I thought it was amazing. 

Now, before I talk about what I loved about that ending, let me address the haters. And, be warned, I know I’m gonna get a little defensive here, but just remember: all of you are entitled to your opinions, and that’s totally fine. These are just my own thoughts--even if some of them might come off a little harsh--because I really do appreciate what the show did with this episode, whether other people do or not. And yes, I know Bucklemming wrote it, and they’re nobody’s favorite, but honestly, I thought they did really well with this one. It was AWESOME. 

For starters, we don’t know that the boys didn’t check in on all of their friends. We really can’t assume that. We went from the boys being in the middle of whatever town they were in (there were so many locations...I kind of lost track of where they ended up at the end...was it still Minnesota?) to them being in the Bunker. We have no idea what happened on the ride back, and my guess is probably that they did exactly that--checked in on everyone. Sam probably called Jody and Donna and Bobby and Charlie and all of them to make sure they were back and okay, because you’re right. They would. And they probably did. But the thing is, we didn’t need to see that, because we can assume that. Jack brought everybody back. Why do we have any reason to think that the boys’ closest friends and family wouldn’t be part of that list? They disappeared, and Jack brought back the people that disappeared. It makes sense to me. 

Second of all, Cas. Look, Destielers. I ship it too, okay? I do. How much I ship it depends on the day, but I do ship it. And I’m gonna say it, and you’re all going to hate me, but I am okay that Dean didn’t immediately ask Jack to bring Cas back because I think it works. I’m gonna be honest--I don’t think Cas is coming back. At least, not in the way everyone wants him to, and I think that’s good. I mean, the whole point of that scene was that Cas was sacrificing himself so Dean could live a life. It’s exactly what Jack was gonna do for Sam and Dean in 15x17, but the difference is that Jack was doing it out of guilt (and love, but mostly guilt). Cas was doing it completely and utterly out love. Sacrificing himself in the way he did led to everything that happened in this episode. It meant Sam and Dean being together to make the plan that let Jack become God. It meant letting the rest of his family live so that they could save the world. And guys...that sacrifice is amazing. Put the Destiel in it, take the Destiel out of it, do whatever, but that is exactly what Cas’s character has always been about. He’s been about protecting humanity and, especially, protecting Dean. And he did exactly that. I know I’m talking a lot about 15x18 right now, but I swear it connects. 

The thing is, if Jack brings Cas back, what does that do? I mean, yes, Dean would get him back, but...Jack isn’t even coming home. He’s God now. He’s protecting the world. And...as sad as it is, he doesn’t need his dads. They taught him so much, and now he’s able to be who is because of that. And Sam and Dean? They’re okay. They’re able to live their lives now. And guys, please don’t hate me, but Cas...doesn’t need to be in the story. His sacrifice was what brought them to where they are, and that is a beautiful thing. And I think Sam and Dean and Jack know that too. I mean, where do you think the “to everyone that we lost along the way” came from? 

Plus, in a much more real sense, think about this. The Empty’s mad at Cas, and the Empty is pretty dang powerful. What happens if Jack brings him back? Don’t you think that would open up a whole new world of problems? Wouldn’t that just put the Empty on our tail again? Yes, the Empty can’t come to Earth, but honestly, I’d be more bothered if they just pulled him back and didn’t address the problems that could cause from the Empty’s perspective. 

Guys. I know it sucks. I miss him too. But story-wise, it actually makes sense, whether we want to believe it or not. And again: we still have one episode left. They’re not just gonna leave it at that. I have faith that Cas is going to come back in some form--maybe not back back, per se, but probably as a memory or, as I mentioned before, maybe even in Dean’s Heaven. Whatever it is, Cas is still going to play a part in those final scenes, because our boys wouldn’t be who they are without him. And the show isn’t going to let him be forgotten. No one is. 

Lastly, those of you who are complaining about it being a bronlies ending...just...stop. XD 

Look. I love Team Free Will. I love Team Free Will 2.0. My favorite character is Jack. I am all for the expansive Winchester family. I love our new characters and our new family. 

But guys...the core of this show still is and always will be the Winchester brothers. Yes, their family got bigger. And yeah, that’s the most special thing ever. But their relationship will always, always be what drives this show. It’s what this show’s been about since Day 1, and even with their extended family, it’s still what this show has always been about--two brothers, saving people and hunting things together. So, yeah, the ending’s gonna be about the bros. Even next week, the ending is probably gonna be the bros. Because that’s what this show is. And it’s not like they forgot about their family. Guys, their names were ON THE TABLE. That right there proves how much of a family they all were. But in the end, it’s still always Sam and Dean. Always. And that’s how it should be. I”m not saying don’t include Cas and Jack. I’m not saying don’t include all of the other characters. For gosh sake, please, include all of the other characters. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MONTAGE WAS FOR?! But, in the end, the story only wraps when Sam and Dean’s story wraps, because that’s what this story is. And, to reiterate, it isn’t actually over. So. That’s what I have to say to that. 

Now that I have gotten all of that out of the way (holy frick I can’t believe I have more to say--can you imagine how long this is gonna be next week??), let me break down, from my perspective, how BEAUTIFUL that ending was. Piece. By. Piece. 

That entire twist was EPIC. That was the most Winchester ending to ever Winchester. The convolution. The fact that Sam and Dean knew about Jack, and knew about Michael, and used all of it to their advantage was so unbelievably THEM, and I loved it. And on top of that, the fact that Jack wound up being the pivotal turning point in that whole fight was BEAUTIFUL. Chuck’s clear panic and desperation and Jack just LAYING HIM! AMAZING! 

Those last lines between Sam and Dean and Chuck were SO. BEAUTIFULLY. WRITTEN. Chuck wanted a poetic ending--his characters being stronger than him and killing him in the end. But no. Because Sam and Dean and Jack are better than that. And the fact that Dean KNEW THAT, BECAUSE OF CAS?! “That’s not who I am.” Beautiful. And THEN! THIS:

“Then I think it’s the ending where you’re just like us. And like all the other humans you forgot about.” 

“It’s the ending where you grow old, you get sick, and you just die.” 

“And no one cares. And no one remembers you. You’re just...forgotten.” 

Because GUYS! 

THAT. IS. PERFECT.

Not only is that the best justice that Chuck could have possibly received after all of the crap he’s pulled, but think about that last line for a minute. “No one cares. No one remembers you. You’re just forgotten.”

That is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the legacy Sam and Dean will be leaving behind. It’s the exact opposite of the legacy of this show and its characters, because none of them will ever be forgotten. They think they will, but they won’t. That line says so much about this show, and that is absolutely amazing. 

And then, after all of that, everyone comes back because of Sam and Dean and Jack and what they did, and that just furthers that line of legacy even more. 

And oh my gosh. Jack. That proud little smile. The amount of wisdom that he has at freaking three years old--all because of his dads. I mean, let’s just think about that for a second. Jack was born with the entire world convinced that he was going to destroy it. But because of two salty hunters and a fallen angel, he became the new protector of everyone and everything, and he knows how to do it right. BECAUSE OF THEM. He knows how to care, how to treat people, and how to make the world a better place. All. Because. Of. Them. 

And yeah, he didn’t go back home, and it hurts a little bit, knowing that the little family isn’t together anymore. But Jack’s exactly right--they are together, and they always will be. Because they’ll always be in each other’s hearts. Jack won’t ever be far, and Cas will always be there in spirit. Always. 

And Sam and Dean? They’re gonna have each other until the day they die, just as they should. 

And to end all of that with the most beautiful freaking montage I have ever seen. Guys, I thought the Swan Song montage was the best thing in the world. But that? That left it completely behind. “To everyone that we lost along the way.” And, to all the people who are still in our hearts. To show all those characters, to show all those moments, and to show how they all impacted our boys...And then to end it with the boys driving off together towards their new future? Their free future? It. Was. Perfect. 

And, I will say this. Was everything completely wrapped up? No. Was it pretty dang close? Heck yeah. If this had been the official ending, I would’ve been a little disappointed, but it would’ve worked. Obviously, there are definitely a few key character and emotional pieces missing, but that’s why we have next week--one more to try to tie up our last little bits of emotion, and really truly finish out the story. But in all honesty, that was a BEAUTIFUL ending for the season, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better for this episode. 

In the beginning of Season 15, I started getting nervous. I started wondering: what if the ending sucks? I mean, I can name several shows that went on for so long with so many great things and then had a terrible ending that ruined it for fans. I was worried it would happen to Supernatural too. 

But after seeing that semi-ending--after seeing their season finale--I have total faith in them, as I should’ve from the beginning. I know that there’s no way that this ending could be bad. Not when they just delivered that to us. Between the storytelling, the acting, the cinematography, the editing, the music--all of it. It was such a BEAUTIFUL episode, and honestly, it’s already in my top ten. 

Say what you want about Bucklemming. Say what you want about the lack of Destiel. Say what you want about this episode. But to me, this episode was beautiful, and it couldn’t have been a more perfect way to end the Season 15 storyline. 

I am so, so excited to see what they give us next week. It’s going to be amazing. 

My Rating: 30/10

P.S. I...want to react to the 15x20 promo, but...there isn’t really much to react to, because they’re really trying to keep us from knowing what’s gonna happen I guess. So, I’m gonna wait and see if anymore promotional material comes out and then do it all at once. 

[yamithediaperdork]

It’s a living (Ben 10 omiverse)

it was a nice and peaceful day in Bellwood for a change, though considering it wasn't the main stream universe's Bellwood that made a degree of sense. In fact even as the main verse Ben sat across from his counterpart, enjoying the Mr.smoothies of universe 23 they could both relax as Seven-seven and Tetrax had decided to stay on earth and work as a team with 23, so were out patrolling. "So, not that it's not awesome to see you from time to time..but usually you showing up means something about to go all fucky fucky...Sooo what brings you here?" 23 asked. "things don't ALWAYS go bad when i show up!" Ben protested, huffing a little. "Mmmhmmm..So you showed up and I get attacked by my future team mates..you show up and the Ben war..you show up and Mad Ben.." 23 said, counting off on his fingers. "..Damn uh.. well I promise, no world ending stuff this time." Ben said, sweat dropping. "I uh.. ok so i told you I recently moved out and got my own place right?" "And yet you haven't invited me back once." 23 said and blew a raspberry to show he wasn't really offended. "eheheh well fact of the matter is I mightttta gone a little beyond my means and kinda sorta..I'm like a week from getting kicked out." Ben said, poking his fingers together sheepishly. "Heh, and what, you want a place to crash?" "welll more thinking maybe since I've been helping you and all that jazz, you could spot me a couple of grand to get me in the clear and stuff?" Ben asked hopefully. "eh..I learned the hard way not to loan friends money Ben. it's why me and my Gwen aren't on speaking terms." 23 said, then took a big drink of his smoothie. "however, I AM willing to help you MAKE the money you need, and more." "...Doing what?" Ben asked, confused. "Cuz gotta say, I've tried the retail thing back home and when you have to stop doing stock to fight alien invaders, you don't keep your job for long." "Pffft as if I'd let you work retail! Nah man! You know I've leveraged my frame and endorsed a TON of things right? Part of how I'm rolling in dough? Well I got this one wanna be sponsor who I'm not big on the product, but they are offering a crazy amount of cash. I figure they'll settle for the Ben of anther universe, you do the gig, we split the money 50/50, and everybody wins." 23 said, taking out a note pad and a pen. "Look uh, not to sound ungrateful, but if I'm the one doing the modeling or whatever, shouldn't I get more then half? and what are you writing down?" Ben asked. "That's how much your half of the deal will be, and I think you'll find it more then fair." 23 said and smirked. Ben frowned and picked up the piece of paper, looking down, then did a double take as his eyes went wide. "Holy crap! what am i modeling off? Missiles?!" he asked, his voice going higher then normal. "nah, no weapons of mass destruction in that sense.. though bet you'll still clear rooms." 23 said and gave a impish grin. "You'll be working for huggies." "..Say what?"

After half a hour of back and forth, and Ben admitting he really didn't have a better option, the two took off, transforming into XCLER8 and Speedyquick instead of hailing a cab and made their way to the huggies headquarters. since 23 was used to this sort of thing Ben mostly let him talk over the contract and tried not to get boarded out of his mind as they talked returns and profit margins, only tuning in when the executive they were talking to (who if Ben didn't know better, he'd swear was this universes version of Charmcaster) brought up diaper usage. "Of course seeing your other self in our new line of Lil' stinkers would do wonders for our promotion of them, but if we could show them being used it would really help sell other points. we're taking photo shoots for magazine spreads and of course some tv and internet ad's. the more you and your client can promise us in terms of selling these diapers are for big babies who need to be put in their place, the more zero's we can add to your check." She said, smiling. "Wait..as in..you know.." Ben interrupted before 23 could talk, and unable to say what he was thinking, and blushing badly, he make fart noises with his mouth. "Heh, yes, we want you to go dooty in your diaper." Hope said, smirking and watching the two boys reactions. "N-No way! I mean I'll wear them and crawl around and stuff, but I'm NOT taking a dump in diapers!" Ben huffed and crossed his arms, shaking his head and well, looking just perfect for the target audience. "Maybe I should give you and your client a moment to talk this over. we can make a deal without the diaper usage but it's going to cut into the bottom line." Hope said and got up and left the room. "Can you BE anymore of a brat?" 23 hissed at Ben. "But..but..she wants me to-" "Yes, I know. I was there. Look Ben, I'm putting my neck on the line for you here, if my other sponsors hear about what a crabby brat your being here, it could affect me. Also your the one who came to me for help, so wouldn't like crapping yourself in huggies and making a boat load of cash once be better then doing a bunch more commercials to make the same amount? And who the hell from your universe is gonna see you doing this anyways?" 23 asked. "But I don't wanna poop in a diaper!" Ben whined and shook his head. "and you can't make me! so th-" he started to add, then suddenly he was yanked out of his chair and over 23's laps. "W-what are you doing?! and when the hell did you get so strong!?" "I've been working out since the mad Ben thing. and I'm gonna do what anyone does with a whinny brat.." 23 said and smirked, tugging down the back of Ben's pants. "I'm gonna spank you." Yanking Ben's skid marked stained briefs up and giving the bigger boy a wedgie and exposing those cheeks, 23 paused. "Last chance to be a good boy and let me handle this." he said. "Y-You don't have the balls!" Ben cried out, his voice carrying. "I gave you a chance." 23 said and shrugged, then brought down his hand on Ben's bubble butt over and over, turning the cheeks nice and red as Ben bawled like a baby.

Since the office wasn't sound proofed, and many people knew that both of the Ben's were in the office, it attracted A LOT of attention as the bigger Ben's voice filled the floor with the sounds of wails and there was the unmistakable sound of buns being tanned. Hope smirked as she listened, feeling she had pegged the relationship between the two boys right, and waited till there was just the sound of the bigger Ben sobbing before going back into her office, and fighting back a chuckle as she saw the bigger boy in the corner, his pants in his chair and his undies still hiked up. the boy had his nose to the corner and his hands on his head, and was whimpering and sobbing gently. "I'm sorry for that, somebody needed a attuide adjustment." 23 said. "oh don't be! I just wish we had recorded that! would of been perfect for the set up of a commercial!" Hope said and chuckled. "well I can always spank him again." 23 offered, chuckling to as Ben whined loudly from the corner. "So, may I assume that your both on board with widdle Benny making uh-ohs and tinkles in his diapers?" Hope asked. "I dunno, Ben, are you ok with messing your diapers?" 23 asked. "Y-Yes! No more spankies!" Ben cried out, his hands going from his head to covering his poor buns. "i think that answers your question." "excellent, then I'll draw up the contract, and if we hurry we can have Ben in the studio in about 2 hours. Make sure he gets LOTS to eat, we wanna show off how the Lil' stinkers hold up to even the biggest messes." Hope said. as 23 and Hope chuckled, Ben whimpered and found himself sucking on his thumb having ALL the regrets.

a hour and half later and a semi pot belly Ben was leaning back in his folding chair, in front of the set and belching off and on. He still hadn't been able to reclaim his pants though he'd been allowed to tug the wedgie out at least, though this just got loads of comments about how diapers might be a good full time choice for him. Ben had swallowed back any come backs or threats he had in mind as every time 23 was quick to pat his still sore booty. going on Hope's advice 23 had forced Ben to chow down, though while the catering table was set up with all sorts of awesome snack foods, including Ben's favorite, chilli fries, it was the large pyramid of at least 23 jar's of prune baby food that 23 had directed Ben to, helping the bigger boy and spoon feeding him as the crew setting up the large nursery chuckled. "Come on ben, one jar to go. you can do it." 23 was saying, grabbing the last jar and smirking at Ben's baby food covered face. "D-Dude..I'm not joking..if I eat one more bite I'ma hurl." Ben whined. "that's what you said two jars ago." "by all means, call my bluff, just when your wearing baby food on your shoes, remember i warned you." Ben said with a weak smile then a LOUD and nasty belch. 23 made a face and waved the air in front of him. "Man, if it smells that bad now.. Maybe i should excuse myself to the other room when you crap yourself." he teased. "N-no way..if I'm doing this..you're watching AND smelling!" Ben whined and Belched again. "Can i get something to drink?" he asked. instantly he realized he should of worded his request better as 23 got a large baby bottle filled with what was hopefully milk, and popped it in Ben's mouth. it only took a few sucks on the nipple to realize that of course, it was formula, and Ben scuched up his face. "Hehehe I have to say Ben, you are JUST too cute like this. I might have to try and lock you into a long term agreement here." 23 teased then winced at the glare Ben gave him. "Kidding! Kidding!" pushing the bottle out of his mouth, Ben went to say something but was cut off as Hope strolled onto the set. "Ok people, time to make some magic. baby Ben, we need you in wardore." she said then pasued. "Oh, Do you know how to put a diaper on?" she asked, suddenly looking sheepish. "N-No." ben whined and a loud toot came out his bottom. "Oh er..I don't think we have time to teach you before you unload." Hope said, holding her nose. "it's ok, I'll diaper the big baby." 23 said happily. "of course you will." Ben muttered, but let himself be lead off to a side room where there was star on the door, with his name on it. "great...I'm about to become famous as a diaper boy.." Ben whined. lead inside 23 just chuckled. "Mr.Devil, he's ready for his close up."

The diaper was MASSIVE, and for a second both boys just stared at it, wondering if Ben was gonna be able to even walk in the thing. it was easily the equal to 10 normal diapers layered together and was a soft baby blue (whether that was a marketing choice or just when they had been making these things expect 23 to model them, neither boy was sure) anther loud toot from Ben's back door which sadly filled the small dressing room had both boys holding their noses, and broke them out of their trance. "I..I don't wanna do this. I'm scared." Ben whined, looking at 23 with pleading eyes and starting to squirm in a way that told him their deadline was coming up fast. "Sorry buddy, we signed the contract. but I'll make sure this goes as fast as possible. all you have to do with whimper and cry, and act like you've been acting, and I'll be doing the voice over." 23 said and reached up, patting Ben's head. Ben whined but let himself be laid down on the teddy bear print changing mat on the floor and just lifted his arms to let 23 tug his shirt off. "we're gonna have to enroll you in a exercise program if we need to keep feeding you like this." 23 teased, noting that while Ben wasn't chubby, he had enough pudge on him to look a bit like baby fat, and the baby food in his tummy wasn't helping. Sliding Ben's undies off 23 tossed them in a trash can behind him, then unfolded the massive diaper as Ben whined. "W-why'd you toss out my undies? A-and were are my pants? F-For after?" he asked, feeling so small and helpless as 23 lifted Ben up but his legs to get the diaper under him. "hush, you let me worry about that..though..heh.." 23 paused the look down at Ben's exposed crotch. "Didn't know you shave." "I uh..haven't gotten my pubes yet.." the bigger in so many ways, but not where it counted boy said. "well that explains your cute widdl-" "Watch it!" Ben huffed and for the first time moved to use his Omimatrix. "Ok ok..Sorry." 23 said sweat dropping. "I've had THREE girls interested in me by the way, so it can't be THAT small!" Ben added and 23 smirked and powdered him lots. "And how many of them saw you down there?" 23 asked, as he tugged the diaper up. "and of those that saw, how many stayed interested?" with the diaper tapped up Ben sat up with a bit of effort, but was blushing and wouldn't look 23 in the eyes. "L-Let's just get this over with." Ben huffed and tried to get up on his own, only to keep falling back on his puffy butt. "That's what I thought." 23 chuckled and then held out his hands, Helping Ben get to his feet. the bigger boys BIG diaper had his legs spread and Ben was barley able to waddle, several times needing to stop and take 23's hands as they made their way out onto the set. 'If i make it though this I'm moving to a smaller apartment so i never have to ask this son of a bitch for a favor again.' Ben thought.

Hope grinned ear to ear and had some of the photographers snap shots of Ben needing help with walking, before coming over with a baby blue bonnet and bib that had white text in comic sans, that read BRAT. Ben would of argued about the add ons, since he was pretty sure that hadn't been in the original deal, if it wasn't for the fact he was using every ounce of control NOT to mess himself too soon and have to start all over. "There we go, don't you just look adorable~" Hope teased and tickled Ben's chin. "A-Ah.S-Stop that..w-we hafa hurry up..I..I can't.." Ben whined and rubbed his tummy, a muffled fart coming out and making hope take a step back. As they started to film, Ben for the most part blissfully blacked out, but of course got to watch the commercial after, with everyone praising him on what a good boy he had been.

"Hey everyone, Ben 23 here, and bringing you yet anther great product. So, brats, we all know one and we've all thought about putting them in their place, but where do you even start to get what you need for it?" Came 23's voice, on a screen of black. "Well the answer for that, Is huggies. That's right, the same company you've been trusting to look after your little bundles of joy is here to help you put those same bundles of joy turned into over sized brats back into little baby's." the screen came into focus and there was Ben, a glazed look in his eyes and holding his tummy, in all his big baby glory. "Most of you know about my other universe counterpart, but what you don't know is that he's a grade A BRAT. as a favor to his friends back in his verse, we're giving Baby Ben the punishment he deserves. isn't that right baby ben?" 23's voice asked as Ben whined and pouted. "Pwease, no wanna go poopies! I'm sowwy!" Ben cried out. "now now Ben, you don't want anther spanking do you?" 23's voice asked, and it was the yelp of fear that sold it as Ben totally lost control. the camera zoomed in as the back of Ben's diaper rapidly started to expand, and loud gross farts were heard. Ben for his part was face down ass up, and pounding a fist on the floor as he filled his diapers, crying and howling but really, it only made the shot better. "Lil stinkers is made with a new material that allows for up to 40 times the normal amounts of waste, which means even with 22 jars of baby food in baby Ben's tummy these diapers won't leak, or your money back." 23 said. the diaper only started to take on a dirty stain of brown in the back as the material reached down to Ben's knees. "with our new smell block guards in the diaper, you'll only get the faintest whiff of the the mess the big babies made. Sure it spares the brat but if your brat is anything widdle Benny here, you're gonna be punished enough changing him." with a few last sputtering farts Ben was apparently finished and sucking on his thumb as he got up on his knees, looking to the cameras. "C-Change pwease?" Ben whined. "Oh silly Ben, if we just changed you right away, where would the fun be in that? with added rash protection built into the diaper, along with bratty baby brand powder, Our little Benny can go 12 hours without a change!" hearing that Ben bawled again, both hands coming up to his eyes and there was just no two ways about it, he looked like a giant baby. "See you in 12 hours little guy! enjoy your poopie diaper." 23 said cheerfully. Ben's cries were muted as they went to the last of it. "Lil stinkers by huggies. put your brat back in diapers, and in their place. Available at a super market near you in two weeks."

Ben naturally wasn't actually kept in the poopie diaper for 12 hours, though they did take the chance to get all the pictures they needed for him in his poopie diapers, with 23 posing in some of them with him. Such as having Ben in his arms, Ben over his lap and pretending to give him a messy spanking, and of course 23 pulling the back of the diaper open as Ben sat on his ass, hugging a teddy bear and sucking on a pacifier and 23 holding his nose. If 23 was being truthfully though he was glad he was wearing his baggy pants as the site of Ben like this almost had little hearts in his eyes and he was tempted to try and keep Ben like this. Still a contract was a contract, and once they had enough footage they got Ben changed into a clean diaper but out of the bib and bonnet, and with his t-shirt back on. Ben was actually in the crib that was part of the set up when he came out of it, the staff and Hope and 23 where having a few drinks. "C-Can somebody come let me out? And.. get me big boy undies and pants?" Ben called, using the crib railing to haul himself to his feet but swaying dangerously if he let go, so knowing he couldn't get out. if the crew heard him, they ignored him and kept talking among themselves and laughing, annoying Ben. "I SAID, SOMEBODY LET ME OUT!" Ben yelled and stomped a foot, slipping and falling on his padded rear. "oh great, the baby is awake." 23 said, smirking and winking to the crew who all laughed. "Your not freaking funny! Let me outta here NOW or I'm going way big!" Ben growled and started to fiddle with his watch. "Way big?" a crew member asked. "as in he's gonna be a big boy?" "No! as in the alien who's 100 feet tall!" Ben huffed and got the watch ready to go. "-sigh- I'll handle this." 23 said and walked over, holding his hands up. "heyy heyy..it's OK Benny. we don't need to bring aliens into this. you're all done here and we'll cash your check at the first bank of Ben then you can go home. OK?" "i want outta this diaper, I want outta this crib! and i want big boy undies and pants!" Ben huffed, keeping his hand over his watch. "heh, your terms are agreeable. we only re-diapered you because you were out of it, and I don't really wanna change anther poopie diaper." 23 lied. He would of totally loved to keep changing Ben's diapers but clearly the little guy had been pushed to his limit.

As it turned out they couldn't find pants in the studio for Ben, or a pair of undies so the poor hero ended up standing in line with 23 at the bank in his t-shirt and diapers, which normally would of caused problems but with 23's technically owning the bank, it was brushed over. The first thing they did after getting the check cashed was go shopping and get Ben a pair of sumo slammer boxers, then off to the food court for him to get the taste of the baby food and formula out of his system, though he wasn't able to eat his full order. 23 joked about how they should of gotten him a happy meal as he wiped up the chilli stains off of Ben's face. after that it was time to go home and Ben gave 23's hand a shake. "..ok, you saved my ass from having to move back home..buttt don't expect me to come back here till this ad campaign is over and done." Ben said. "heh, come on, didn't a SMALL part of you have fun?" 23 asked. "hahahaha NO. Today was the most horrible day of my life, and with the shit I've been though, thats saying something. Maybe you can come over to MY universe sometime and be a diaper boy for me though." "heh. or just show up with a diaper bag." "..Shutting up." with that Ben went back to his home universe, very much richer. Or so he thought.

as it turned out their money while looking the same on the outside, was made differently and raised all sorts of flags when Ben went to go and deposit it in his universe. there was a public cry of outrage that a hero like Ben would try and destabilize a local economy like that, and there was talks of official charges of counterfeiting and maybe even jail time. Not even able to get his cash back, and the Plumbers having to give him the cold shoulder publicly to save face, Ben decided to take a little bit of a vacation (2-7 months while the plumbers legal team got him out of the mess) back in universe 23, figuring that 23 owned him, AND wanting to give him a piece of his mind.

"baby Ben! back so soon?" 23 asked, delighted as a red faced Ben made it to his pent house. on the way over Ben had been recognized, teased and scolded for not being in his diapers and had seen billboard with him in all his blacked out diaper baby glory. "ha.Ha. we have a problem." Ben said, and then nodded to 23's couch. "mind if I take a seat?" "Only if you promise not to make a puddle." 23 joked, but moved aside as Ben came in and flopped down. Ben spent the next 10 minutes explaining out what had happened, as 23 looked upset and shook his head. "Man, that sucks. I'm sorry, i didn't know!" 23 said. "well, I need a place to stay for a little while till i get the OK to go back..so I was wondering if y-" "would put you up here for a few months, heh,. that can be arranged. don't think you'll be able to get a place on your own here unless you just did more commercials though, rent in the city has gone up since i live here." "Not like i have a penny to my name anyways, and was gonna ask if you'd rent me a place..Buttt staying here I guess won't be so bad." Ben said with a little smile. "there is a small price I'd like you to pay..But in return for humoring me on this onnnne tiny little thing, I swear you'll want for nothing while staying with me. all the junk food you could want and any video games, the whole nine yards." 23 said, blushing a little now. "..why am i getting a bad feeling about this?" Ben asked. "well see.. they didn't need the stuff they used in your commercial after you left..so they gave it to me for free..and you were just SO god damn cute.." 23 said, getting up and leading Ben to yup, a recreation of the nursery from the set. "FUCK NO!" "oh come on Ben! i promise! no baby food this time and pop in your baby bottles! Pleasssse?" 23 asked, bringing his hands together. "why in the world would i agree to do that for a few months? I could just go do anther commercial, then get my own place here!?" Ben pointed out. "one, because as your agent I control whether you do anther shoot, it's actually part of the contract, two, if I tell my bank not to cash your check who else do you think will cover that much. three, and this is the kicker. where else can you go to with ease to hide out? you really think mad Ben is gonna welcome you with open arms?" "..Fuck my life!"

And so one week after promising himself he'd never be a big baby again, Ben found himself in two of the thick blue diaper's  and in a t-shirt top, crawling behind behind 23 and pouting like crazy. "Don't you think top is over kill?" Ben whined. "I'm the one paying for them. so just shush and look adorable." "Not funny." Ben pouted and then realized it would be harder then hell to get off and on the couch's and just sat on his diaper butt in the living room. "So what d-" "I want chilli cheese fires, I want a two liter of coke, and I want the latest sumo slammer game five minutes ago!" Ben huffed then grinned. "..Demanding aren't we?" "and i quote: I swear you'll want for nothing. I want all of that." Ben said smugly. "you know, i could of just spanked you." 23 teased, going to grab the phone and make the food order. instead of Ben telling him off however, the threat had a amusing and smelly effect instead. Ben froze at the memory of that and then well, with him being double diapered it was a little hard to tell since there was no smell, but 23 could of sworn Ben just got a little taller. "heh, Did somebody just make me a present?" "NO!...yes." "Good boy. I'll change you after you eat, if your a good boy." 23 said and winked. "...this is gonna be a long 2 months."

the end?

[heythrrdelilah]

Paper Woman

 A/N: request from @hermionejacobs​ : Hey love! I'm so glad you're back :) Sooo... I'm back asking! I'd love a Sam Winchester x reader with the prompt "celebrity/ actor goes back to their hometown and meets female lead". Or maybe with Jared, sounds more believable. Thanks x 

So... im so mad, I wrote this out.... 10k+ words... and my dog spilled my coffee all over my laptop and I had to restart everything, because I was dumb and wrote this one on word instead of google docs like normal. This is my short synapses of what I wrote... im so sorry... It was so good i wrote 10k words. But i have a new/old computer. 

This is my first Jared fic.. So please be gentle

Word count: 676 :(((((

Warnings/tags: fluff,  mentions of intimidation, slight cringe (fan girls oof) 

Pairings: Jared padelecki x Reader

The sun showed bright on the window of the coffee shop. The window magnified the temperature,  which was already hot being southern Texas,  and you were wearing a hoodie with shorts.  Smart decision… not!  You picked up your laptop and mug to carefully make your way to an empty table in the back of the cafe. You reopened your laptop and began typing away at the report for the newspaper you worked at. It was small,  local,  and workdays related to the tv show The Office a bit too much,  however, you loved writing for it. You were working on food reviews as your job,  which meant you didn't always have to be at the office. You get to travel and eat on the newspaper's expense.  You had found out on the job that this Cafe had your favorite coffee. You were writing about a Chinese bistro downtown last night and your opinion on it. You thought it was good enough for American Chinese food.  It definitely was NOT authentic.  You had traveled to a city in China before for work on a "life in China" Exposè.  

Just as you had typed the conclusion to the article and moved on to editing photos of the dishes, you heard loud squeals coming from outside of the cafe doors. You peered your head over your shoulder and saw a crowd of people gathered directly in front of the door, probably swooning over some celebrity in town for the week. Living in Austin, this happens quite often. Matthew McConaughey lives here to teach at the university, yet people still swarm him so… it might be him, especially since the crowd was a mixture of photographers and women, young, old and anywhere in between. You decided that it was not worth your time and turned away from the door, especially when you saw your newspaper photographer, Dean, who had an enormously inappropriate crush on you. 

“Exposure up three,” you mumble to yourself, clicking vigorously on your touchpad. “That looks almost as amazing as you,” You heard a voice coming from behind you. You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to face whatever creep was standing behind you. You turned and saw a handsome man, who caught you off guard. He stood tall, well over 6 feet, and had a nice head of brown hair. He had a distinct jawline and sported a t-shirt, basketball shorts, and tennis shoes. In his hand, a mug of coffee and a blueberry muffin. He smiled down at you and let out a chuckle, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off as… er… creepy. I’m usually not this… forward.” His voice was deep but smooth like almond milk. You blushed at the embarrassment that flashed over his face. “I-it’s fine. Thank you. It’s for an article,” You answer, looking back down at your laptop. He pointed to the chair in front of you, “Do you mind?” When you shook your head, he placed his mug on the table and sat down. Even sitting, his height was still noticeably higher than you. “Do you just edit food or have you worked on people?” He asked smiling. You shrugged, “I mostly shoot food. I did, however, have a personal portfolio for a job, but I didn’t get it,” Uh oh…. Word vomit. He furrowed his brow and pulled your laptop to face the side of the table, visible to you both. His eyes wandered to the folder titled, Foodies weekly. “Let me see?” 

After a few moments of gazing at your photo’s, he looked back up at you. “Well, I will have to say… you are my new photographer. However, you will have to let me buy you a coffee,” He smirked up at you. You felt your cheeks turn pink. This was fast, but based on the paparazzi, you knew he was the real deal. Was he flirting? “Yes. Okay. But, I'm all done with coffee,” You laughed, trying to be smooth. “Fine… then dinner,” He smirked down. This was the beginning of something beautiful.

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[ashley-incharge]

Complicated | Ashroo

In which Ashley and Roo talk serious shit and also flirt a bit. [Dated: June 5th]

@littlemister-roo

ASHLEY:

A few things had happened since Ashley and Roo had last spoken. The first? She had figured out (or figured out with some help) that she was starting to feel the baby. Or apparently it was what the baby felt like moving in there at this point. And she'd thought something was dreadfully wrong.

The second? Well. This was the actual tragedy wasn't it? Ashley's very perfect and precisely beautiful and round innie of a belly button...had been destroyed. It was the most shocking thing to her when she'd woken up and discovered the change.

Ashley had contacted Roo, insisting they meet up in their usual place, already close to tears as she rushed over to the park. "You won't believe this! Romeo DeRosa, our baby is ruining my body!"

ROO:

It was a day like any other and Roo was just going about his usually daily routine: school, work, and, now, meeting up with Ashley for their usually weekly baby bump photo shoots. There was nothing to indicate that anything was out of the ordinary.

Until he saw Ashley hurrying over to him. The look on her face was enough to send a shot of panic racing through him. What had happened? Why did it look like she was about to cry?

But then, as quick as it had come, the panic faded, replaced by a bemused expression as he looked her up and down. An eyebrow raised, he said, "I—don't think that's true at all. I mean, have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? From what I've heard, lots of women would kill to have a figure like yours right now."

Ashley:

On any other day, Ashley would probably preen a bit about Roo complimenting her figure. No, okay, she was vain enough to preen anyway a little because it was nice to hear. But still!

This wasn't about her figure! Even if the baby was quickly changing it and making her feel heavy and weird. But no. It was about her poor belly button.

Ashley didn't even really give him time to admire her figure further, rolling up her shirt quickly so that her stomach was exposed and he could see exactly what had offended her. "Look at this! Look at my belly button! I've never been an outie in my life!"

Roo:

Her—bellybutton? That's what all the fuss was about?

Roo's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she lifted her shirt to reveal her stomach—her perfectly round stomach without a single blemish or mark. He leaned in to get a better look and, sure enough, her belly button was indeed an outie. Not that he had ever paid attention before. For all he knew, it had always been that way. He would just have to take her word for it.

"Wow!" he said, still peering at the bellybutton with interest. "It's so cute!"

Without a further thought his hand automatically reached out to poke it. What? He couldn't help it. It was like this perfectly shaped button on her stomach. It was demanding to be pushed! Besides, pushing Ashley's buttons was apparently what he did best.

Ashley:

Ashley found herself spluttering, shock keeping her from lashing out as Roo just as he...well he....he just poked her bellybutton! He poked her like that was a normal thing to do and as if they'd been anywhere close to friendly enough to do stuff like this in the last few months.

She could feel her face heat, and a part of her wanted to duck away and quickly cover her stomach back up. Ashley really hadn't expected him to do that at all. "That...it...it's not cute! It's horrible! I mean seriously look at it!"

Roo:

Ashley may not be Roo's favorite person in the world these days, but he would be lying if he said that the fact that he'd made her flustered wasn't immensely satisfying, Though he did at least to wipe the smirk off his face before looking up at her.

He knew she was in a mood, and if he pushed too much, they'd have another fight. He did not want that. Keeping Ashley happy was the key to a peaceful life, it seemed.

"I'm looking, and it's really not that bad, Ashley. In fact, I'd even say your stomach looks flawless. I mean, I guess it's different, not that I would really know. But I'm sure it will go back to normal when the baby comes. No harm no foul, right?"

Ashley:

"You've seen me naked and you never in a moment of that time appreciated how perfect my bellybutton was?" Ashley questioned just to be difficult, though she knew they'd been focused on other things then. Other much more enjoyable things than an innie or an outie.

Though she supposed the baby wasn't exactly a great result of that good time. She glanced down at herself, a hand tracing over her stomach lightly, cheeks still rather warm. "Okay but what if it doesn't go back to normal? You don't know for sure that it will." God she really hoped that it would.

"This is so unfair. You get to stay normal."

Roo:

"I'm sorry for not taking the time to admire your perfect innie bellybutton when I had a chance, Princess," Roo replied dryly. The truth was, it had all happened so fast and, really, their naked time together had literally been them together sooo...yeah.

He straightened and shoved his hands in his pockets. "But seriously, I don't pretend to know anything about the mechanics of bellybuttons and pregnancy, but logically it makes sense? If the baby is pushing against it now, I should think it would go back when the baby is out of here, yeah?"

He shrugged, adding, "Yeah, I'm sorry for that. If I could force belly button to become a sympathy outie, I would . But if it makes you feel any better," he grinned crookedly. "You really do look amazing."

Ashley:

Ashley hummed. She supposed there could be some kind of logic to this. She just didn't think the baby could be big enough to do something like that yet. And sure she had her aches and sores that told her that the baby was disrupting her body in some ways, but her bellybutton? Ugh it was just a travesty she wasn't ready for. "Hmm...I guess. Maybe it's not quite the time to panic. It still feels like it should be."

Ashley hated that he knew what to say. She could feel her cheeks heat again and it was stupid. She knew she looked good. She was probably the hottest pregnant girl in this town right now. But he had that stupid crooked smile and it did something to her. It made her want to do stupid things like kiss him. God what a mistake that would be. "Well...thank you. I guess it kind of helps." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "At least I'm a good looking pregnant teenager."

Roo:

Roo sighed with relief, thankful that the current Ashley crisis has been averted. There would be no meltdown over the state of her belly button. Not today, anyways.

And for the record, Roo was just trying to be nice and do the right thing. The fact that Ashley was still the hottest girl he knew had absolutely no effect on him, thank you very much. Or at least, that's what he told himself. It made things easier.

"See?" he grinned. "There's the silver lining! And we only have—what? Four more months? And you'll get your body back and still be the hottest girl in town."

Ashley:

Ashley sighed again, adjusting her shirt so that it would sit right for the pictures they had planned for this day. She wanted them to look good too, no matter how emotionally distraught she was about the bellybutton. Or about Roo's stupid smile. Not that she was really distraught over that. But it was distracting.

"Yeah. I guess you're right. Only four more months and giving birth to an actual human being." Ashley remarked with a snort. "But do go on. I do like to hear you say I'm the hottest girl in town. It's not easy to admit you're still attracted to me I'll bet, but I'm proud of you for being able to do it."

Roo:

"Excuse me?!" Roo spluttered, eyes wide as he took a quick step back. "I'm  not—! I was only saying—! It doesn't mean—!" Why was she like this? Here he was trying to be nice and make her feel better and she had to go and ruin it with her own smug comment. What she was implying was—crazy!

"Just because I said you look good doesn't mean—that." He crossed his arms, sulking now, trying not to think about what his reaction really might mean.

Ashley:

Ah all was right in the world again. A smile started spreading across Ashley's face, delighted that she was able to fluster him a bit instead. That was much better. She liked toying with him more. "Yes you were."

A laugh escaped her, and she couldn't help but be a little smug about it. But it was too easy. And in her opinion obvious. "You know there's no shame in it Roo. I am carrying your child and somehow still a vision. I don't blame you for finding me to be the hottest girl in town."

Roo:

Roo knew that sly smile, she was totally messing with him. It was one of her games—just like old times. He returned her grin with an attempt at a withering glare, though it fell a bit short because he was simultaneously trying to shove all of the weird flustery feelings aside.

"You don't have to be so smug about it," he grumbled half heartedly, his eyes darting away from hers. On the plus side, at least she was sort of happy again and not on the verge of a freak out. So...mission accomplished? He supposed?

"I thought it was just a fact that everyone knew. The sky is blue, grass is green, Ashley is hot. Whatever." He shrugged.

Ashley:

Ashley definitely had to be smug about it. It was nice to have the upper hand again. And anyway, it was sort of nice to know that he still found her hot. It was sort of difficult for her to really think hot when she was 20 weeks pregnant. Even with her boundless confidence.

"I think I kind of do. I mean if you find me hot like this, you'll find me hot anytime." Ashley remarked, her smile only growing. "It's okay baby. Just admit it. You're not over me."

Roo:

Roo snorted. "If by 'not over you', you mean that I am still capable of appreciating how pretty you are, then sure, I'm not over you." He could admit that much. Their relationship was—complicated. Always had been and now it was ten times more so.

He smirked, raising an eyebrow and adding, "But don't think I didn't notice you blushing earlier, Princess. Admit it. You are clearly not over me either."

Ashley:

"This isn't about me. Don't twist this around!" Ashley made a face at him, displeased that he could still get any sort of read on her. How annoying. Ashley A. needed to have the upper hand. That was how these things were supposed to work.

"I'm completely over you. There's not a single thing that would make me change my mind."

Roo:

Roo laughed. Her denial was all the proof he needed.

"Oh, come on," he pressed, his smirk growing into a full blown grin. "Would it be so bad to admit that you find me the tiniest bit attractive? It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Ashley:

Ashley hated the way he smiled at her. He was getting so smug it was ridiculous. "It would be. I don't think you're attractive at all!" A boldfaced lie, but Ashley wasn't one to admit that. No chance in hell! Not even if he gave her that stupid crooked smile that made her heart do weird things.

"Don't look at me like that. It's annoying." She wanted to kiss him. This was a terrible idea. Ashley should leave before she did something stupid.

Roo:

Roo was playing with fire. He knew it. But damned if it wasn't just too hard to resist when Ashley was playing so hard to get when she clearly felt something for him. It stirred up all kinds of strange feelings he thought he was over.

He took a half step closer, shoving his hands in his pockets and raising an eyebrow. "How should I look at you then? Tell me what you want, Princess."

Ashley:

Roo took a step closer and Ashley had to resist taking a step back. She wasn't going to let herself be intimidated by the idiot who knocked her up. That would be outrageous. Even if the way he looked at her was...it was distracting.

She hated this. "I...." Ashley could feel her cheeks warming again, and that stupid urge just building. Well whatever. Ashley could do what she wanted. She'd take what she wanted and Roo would probably hate it anyway. That being settled, and with the confidence of someone who was sure she could destroy their relationship right there (or so she told herself), Ashley leaned in and kissed him.

Roo:

Roo would be the first to admit that he never knew what to expect from Ashley. She was unpredictable at the best of times. And he absolutely did not expect her to kiss him! The second her lips met his, every coherent thought left his brain—he couldn't pull away, even if he'd wanted to.

It was like no time had passed since their last make out date in her bedroom. His lips moved effortlessly with her and one hand reached up to cradle her jaw, his thumb stroking the soft skin of her cheek.

He had all but forgotten that they were standing in the middle of the park, though he didn't really care. He was surprised to discover how much he still liked kissing her and was perfectly happy to continue doing so until she decided she was done.

Ashley:

Okay. So he didn't pull away the second her lips touched his. That was fine. Ashley hadn't kissed anyone in a while, she might as well enjoy this. And of course it wasn't about Roo. Why would it be? Ashley deserved nice things every once in a while.

That just happened to be kissing him. Though she found herself moving closer, or as close as she could to him until her belly pressed up against him. Ashley chose to ignore that. At least it was still small enough to not be too big of an issue.

Ashley kept kissing him, arms wrapping around his neck as she deepened the kiss without even really thinking about it. It felt good. It had been a while  since she'd got to feel that good.

Roo:

Ashley had once told Roo she liked a guy who took charge, but—well, look where that had gotten them. And contrary to popular belief, he was not a complete idiot, so he chose to follow her lead, moving closer as she moved closer, slipping his arms around her back as her arms slipped around his neck, deepening the kiss as she did.

The feel of the baby belly between them was a little strange, especially if he let himself think about how it had gotten there—but kissing Ashley just felt so good. He could admit that though they clearly didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, they at least had some amount of chemistry together.

Eventually, however, Roo had to breathe and so he kissed her once, twice, three times more, allowing the last to linger a bit before pulling back. As he met her gaze, he tried not to smirk too much, truly he did. His arms still around her waist, he said, "Well, princess, in case you were wondering, you still got it, not that there was any doubt."

Ashley:

She'd just kissed Roo. Because clearly Ashley liked to make things worse in a situation. But it was good. It was stupidly good, and she wished she could be angrier with herself for doing it. But she wasn't.

He kissed her back too. A few times and each extra one made her heart a little more unstable. What the hell? Ashley had been so sure that she was over it. But it was overwhelming. What had Ashley just done?

"Of course I do," Ashley said cockily, though she didn't draw away from him or try to make herself bigger like she kind of wanted to. They'd just kissed each other. Ashley leaned in to get one more kiss. "You're not so bad yourself."

Roo:

Ok so she wasn't glaring or yelling or calling him an idiot. That was a good sign, right?

To be honest, Roo didn't know what he was expecting, nor did he know what he wanted from Ashley. It's not like they were ever going to be a normal couple, whatever that meant. He didn't think she'd go for that. So, for the moment, he supposed he'd just go along with whatever this was. It was nice to get lost in the sensations with her, and it was nice to have her treat him like a normal human being rather than an inconvenience to be merely tolerated.

He leaned in to receive her kiss and replied with a grin, "That's probably the nicest thing you've said to me in months. Careful, princess, or I might forget that you hate my guts."

Ashley:

Ashley couldn't help but snort. "Well you can't blame me for being pissed. Neither of us were planning for a baby." Admittedly she might have been terrible, but she didn't think she was unreasonable. It was a lot to process! It had been. It still was.

They were having a damn baby after all. That was a big life change.

Ashley took a breath and let it out again. "It's incredibly infuriating but I don't actually hate your guts." She wished that she did. It would make everything easier. She could just do things on her own and not care if she did something that bothered Roo. But she did...care. She just didn't like admitting it. "Do you want to get out of here maybe? Go somewhere more comfortable?"

Roo:

Roo actually thought that was very fair. He'd felt like the worlds biggest idiot for being so careless in the first place and incredibly guilty that Ashley had to physically deal with everything while he was just long for the ride. And even though she was infuriating sometimes, he didn't completely blame her either.

He understood but it didn't mean he was going to just take it, however, so he'd learned to push back a bit. Besides, if there's as one thing he knew, it was that Ashley wouldn't ever respect him if he didn't grow a backbone. But now, perhaps it was paying off? He could only hope.

"Well, I can't say I'm not relieved to hear that," he smiled a bit wider. "And sure, lead the way, Princess. Maybe we can find a good spot to take your weekly picture on the way."

Ashley:

Ashley could imagine he was. She'd told him she hated him pretty nonstop. Even the strongest person had to be intimidated by that. Ashley was a powerful presence after all. It was only right that he'd be worried.

Still, she felt pretty good and she was going to just be selfish and let herself enjoy it for a while. Common sense would kick in soon enough and then they'd both probably draw away from each other. That's how it had been in the past. No reason for that to change.

Ashley drew away a little, though she did reach for his hand. A small indulgence. All of it was a mix of little indulgences. "I'll be honest...I have no idea where we should go. I just think if we keep kissing, it might be nice to do it elsewhere." She paused for a moment and added, "maybe we can take a picture together again too. I'm feeling charitable."

Roo:

Having Ashley speak civilly towards him was odd enough, but having her want to spend time with him and hold his hand? It was surreal, if he was being honest. He half wondered if the town was doing some kind of magic thing to mix them all up. He wasn't going to complain though.

He smiled and bumped his shoulder against hers playfully as they walked. "Wow, you really are feeling generous aren't you? Offering to take a photo with me? I'm honored." He held back the smart remark that was on the tip of his tongue about how it must be his kissing prowess. No reason to annoy her needlessly.

"And if you want, we can go to my place. It's nothing fancy, but it's clean and my mom is at work this afternoon, so we have it to ourselves for the next few hours."

Ashley:

"You should be. This is a limited time offer you know." Ashley wasn't one to pose with anyone but her girls usually. And it especially wasn't a top choice for her to pose with the father of her child. But hey, one or two pictures wouldn't be the worst either.

She squeezed his hand a little and tried to be nicer and not elbow the idiot for teasing. They had a truce going. Ashley was willing to accept it for the time being.

"Better than nothing. Let's go. We can take a picture there too if you want. You'll be able to tell our kid where it was taken and all. Not a bad thing." Ashley could imagine at least. She could add it to her photo album and write a little thing about Roo and his mom's place. "Let's go Romeo."

Roo:

Romeo, right. He snorted, but led the way. Hand in hand they went, as if they were a normal couple just out for a walk in town. Did he mention how surreal it was? Roo took Ashley through the park and back past Main Street, heading towards his neighborhood, which was the exact opposite side of town from her neighborhood.

They small talked a bit, unsurprisingly mostly about baby stuff until they reached the house. Roo dug in his pocket for the key and opened the door for Ashley, ushering her through. "It's not much, but it's home," he smiled and gestured to the cozy living room . "Make yourself comfortable. Can I get you something to drink? Or eat?"

Ashley:

Ashley didn't let herself dwell on how strange and normal this was. If she did she would probably freak herself out and take off. But they were probably do a normal moment where they weren't just taking pictures of her stomach and she wasn't just yelling or complaining at him that he'd ruined her body.

She glanced around the place, eyebrows raised at the place. It really was...quaint compared to what she was used to. But Ashley was in a charitable mood so she would leave the insults for later. Plus, she couldn't really throw stones while she wasn't even living in her own place. Well she could, but the hypocrisy could easily be pointed out.

Ashley made her way in and immediately settled on the couch, leaning against the back of it with a sigh. "Ahh....well I won't turn down food. Eating for two is no joke. I feel like I'm always hungry now."

Roo:

"You got it, Princess." Roo grinned and set to work. He knew from the many afternoons they'd spent kissing at her house that Ashley preferred what he liked to refer to as "rabbit food", so he put together a plate of the snack veggies his mom kept in the fridge—the ones he rarely touched unless she made him.  He grabbed a few slices of cheese and some deli meat for himself and filled two glasses with water before taking it all back to the living room and setting it on the coffee table.

Plopping down in the couch beside Ashley, leaving a bit of space in case she decided she was done with the touching or whatever, he grabbed the plate up and offered to her with a smile. "Will this work? I can go make you grilled cheese if you'd prefer that."

Ashley:

Ashley eyed the plate for a long minute. She was surprised he remembered some of the stuff that she usually liked to eat. Her stomach growled obnoxiously, and she reached for the plate quickly. "This is pretty good. Though uh...I've been eating a little greasier lately," she admitted with a wry smile.

"Our kid wants more than fruits and veggies I guess. Imagine that." She settled onto the couch letting out a sigh. "This is a comfortable couch. I could sink right into it and never get up."

Roo:

Roo popped right back up from the couch and turned to head towards the kitchen. "Greasier, you say? Yeah, must be my kid." He laughed, delighted. It was so strange to have Ashley lounging on his couch and, well? Liking it. Add to that the fact that she was actually craving greasy food? It was a bit like being in one of those old twilight zone movies.

" But, greasier is my specialty so I can definitely help you out there! Is the little—I dunno. What is it this week? An apple? A banana? Whatever—is the baby in the mood for grilled cheese or microwave pizza?"

Ashley:

"Well loving greasy food definitely isn't my thing so must be yours." She snorted, a hand running over her stomach almost habitually now. She couldn't help herself. Now that she was really showing it was fascinating in a way. Distracting.

"Oh my god pizza!" Ashley hadn't had pizza in years. Years! But just mentioning it had her stomach growling aggressively. "Please. We would kill for a pizza right now."

Roo:

"One pizza, coming right up!" Roo bounced off to the kitchen and popped a pizza in the microwave, waiting the few minutes for it to heat up. He slipped it onto a plate and marched back into the living room, offering it to Ashley. "Not the most gourmet pizza, but? Hopefully the two of you will approve."

He plopped back down to the other end of the couch and sat criss cross legged, facing Ashley. "So...uhh...I think I said it before but—that kiss? It was really nice. But I can't help but wonder what it means—for us. I mean it doesn't have to mean anything! If you don't want it to—I just—want to understand what you're thinking." He smiled ruefully. "So maybe I can avoid screwing up. You know?"

Ashley:

"Hey I'm not complaining. It smells delicious." She reached for the plate eagerly, eyes lighting up as she took a bite of her first slice, a soft moan escaping her. God it was as delicious as she imagined it would be. She could hardly believe she was eating it.

She took another enthusiastic bite before she felt her face warm, glancing over at Roo with a sheepish look. "Right. I...I'm not really sure. I just really wanted to kiss you. You know? It's kind of stupid."

Roo:

Roo liked this side of Ashley. The side of her she showed when she let her guard down and was just a normal girl who wasn't trying to prove—whatever it was she was trying to prove. He managed to suppress his laughter when she moaned at the pizza. It would be hypocritical to laugh, seeing as he did the same on a regular basis. Pizza was just that good, ok?

"Well that's fair, I suppose," he said with a shrug. "I can understand that, and I don't really think its stupid at all. We'll just play things by ear—like we usually do." He grinned as she devoured the small personal sized pizza. "So? What do you want to do now?"

Ashley:

"That's it?" Ashley asked with a raised eyebrow. "You don't want to talk about it more?" Talk about bewildering. Was Roo really going with just not knowing anything? With playing things by ear and not doing anything about it?

She took another eager bite of pizza, chewing it with a furrowed brow. "What do you think about it?"

Roo:

"Well, I mean—gosh Ashley—" Roo was confused. Because, of course, he wanted to talk about it and know everything, but he also knew from experience that pushing Ashley to talk about anything was a recipe for disaster.. "I was just trying to follow your lead and—wow. I seriously misread that." He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I don't know—" his forehead crinkled thoughtfully "I mean. I always like kissing you. And when you're not shouting at me or whatever, I actually really like you too." He grinned, reaching for a cheese cube and popping it in his mouth.

Ashley:

Ashley could feel her face warm, and she ducked her head a little. This was weird. This feeling between them was weird. Overwhelming. She wasn't sure what to make of it. "I..." she shouldn't have continued this, but it was weird. She didn't think it was just a kiss. "I like you too I think," Ashley mumbled hesitantly.

That was weird to say. And it floated there weirdly. What was she going to do with that. "It is strange though isn't it? I mean what if we blow up at each other again?"

Roo:

Roo felt a hint of warmth flutter in his stomach. This was so surreal. The pair of them were so accustomed to acting first and thinking later, that actually having a conversation was the strangest thing.

Not only that, but—she...liked him?

"Maybe a little?" He admitted. "But I'm not going to lie. That makes me happy, it feels very—complicated. Even though it shouldn't because I kind of worry about the same thing. We seem to sort of rub each other both the wrong way and the right way all at the same time." He laughed, shaking his head. "But, maybe sort of knowing what we are to each other might help a bit? With the blow ups, I mean."

Ashley:

"I don't know would it? What are we to each other then?"Ashley asked boldly, because well...she didn't know what this was. She hated that his crooked smile made her feel weak still. Because he got her pregnant. Well okay, they'd both fucked up there but it was still a mess. They were having a baby! Was it really a good idea to go there again?

Roo:

Roo laughed ironically, leaning his head back against the sofa cushion and looking at the ceiling. "That is the question of the century, isn't it? To me you're more than just my baby's mother. I'd like for us to at least be friends, but—there's this—tension between us. That makes us occasionally lose our heads with each other. I honestly don't know how to define it—except its not something I've ever felt before with any other friend."

Ashley:

"I know what you mean." Though Ashley didn't like to admit it. Because it meant admitting to those feelings that she buried down because it wasn't smart. Because Roo wasn't the coolest person. Because she knew her girls would judge her for it. "It's something else but that's kind of...I mean I can't date you openly regardless of what it is."

Roo:

Roo snorted and rolled his eyes. "But you walk around carrying my baby—" He pointed out the obvious, his tone sarcastic. "You do realize that anyone with a braincell already knows we had sex, right? Especially after whichever one of your anonymous friends spilled the beans on the identity of your baby daddy on the rumor mill last month."

He sighed. "But that's not the point. I doubt anything about us is ever going to be conventional. And really, I don't care what people in school think at this point—believe it or not, Princess. I don't like you for the social status. If you prefer not to see me at school, I get it. It draws attention to everything." He gestured vaguely to her stomach. "But it doesn't change who we are to each other and dancing around the issue hasn't done us any favors in the past."

Ashley:

"It's not about what the rest of the school thinks. It's about what my girls think. I love them you know." She didnt want them to look at her with disgust. Though she knew there wasn't much hiding that Roo was the father. It was an awkward situation.

"You might be right," Ashley admitted reluctantly. "School's almost over anyway. For me, after that...it won't be the same. I mean it...there's more of a chance to see what's going on after I graduate." She shrugged her shoulders. "If you want to do that. Because a relationship with all this is kind of insane still."

Roo:

Ah yes. The girls. The three who had always been the number one road block to anything between him and Ashley. He'd come to realize that Ashley lived for their approval above all else, though he'd never understand it. If she had to wear her tough girl mask all the time just for them, just—why?

"I would never ask you to choose between me and your friends," he said simply. "At least—assuming the baby isn't involved at all, but that's a totally different discussion. I mean though, I'm ok with going with the flow until school is out and seeing where we stand then. It's not like it will change much—" he grinned, raising an eyebrow. "We're sitting here now, aren't we?"

Ashley:

Ashley snorted. "The baby is a whole other conversation. Though they have said they'd help me with him. Or they did in the beginning. Not sure where they're at now." Things were different. Ashlee's situation was chaotic. There was a lot to look at.

Ashley hummed, a weak smile crossing her face. "Yes I suppose we are. That's something I suppose. Better than before."

Roo:

"I'm glad you have their support, really. I've definitely noticed an increase in glares at school. But that's to be expected, I suppose—atleast they didn't put me in the burn book—that's my silver lining anyway," he laughed. "But again, our baby and our relationship is between you and me—I just hope they'll be good enough friends to support you whatever you decide as far as we are concerned."

He scooted a bit closer to Ashley, his arm resting on the back of the couch. Not too close, mind you. Baby steps, right? "Er—is this ok?"

Ashley:

"Well we all decide who goes into the burn book. They know they'd make it harder for me if they did that." Ashley's friends knew better. They knew that she'd have to spend time with Roo. It wasn't a simple cut and dry thing to remove the father of her child from any social welcome. And well, she didn't want to do that either.

She took a breath and let it out again, taking a moment before she let herself lean toward him a bit, her head on his shoulder before she could think too much about it. She wouldn't stay in that spot long. After all it would only make her neck stiff along with her back being sore. "It's fine. You don't have to be so careful."

Roo:

The truth was that Roo felt a bit like he was experiencing a dream. A strange dream he didn't even realize he wanted to come true--like the magical town dreams. And one wrong move would have them waking up and going back to the way things had been with all the bickering and whatever.

He scooted a bit closer to support her as she leaned on him, smiling. "Sorry, Princess. I'll try to remember that. "  He tightened his arm around her shoulders and pressed a quick, tentative kiss to her temple. "And I can't say I'm sorry to hear that. I mean I mostly don't want this to be harder for you than it has to be, you've dealt with enough. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little relieved to know that I probably won't ever be in the book ...since school is out in a few weeks and you're all graduating."

Ashley:

It was stupid how nice it was to be held. Maybe it felt even better for Ashley because she hadn't been held by anyone else in what felt like weeks. Or even months probably. So sure it probably was too soft, and she probably shouldn't, but she let herself lean into Roo and enjoy the comfort that he was sort of offering.

"Yeah. You don't have anything to worry about. Thankfully. I don't...it's difficult enough without that. We're having an actual baby."

Roo:

Roo was surprised at how nice it was to be holding Ashley. After all of these weeks of frustration and anger and awkwardness, he'd truly thought he'd moved on. But now, in this moment, everything felt at peace between them. And he liked it.

He grinned. "That's true. We are having a baby—which still blows my mind, by the way." He shook his head, glancing down to see her leaning against him, a sudden wish to kiss her again flittering to the front of his mind. His free hand reached over to brush his thumb across her cheek. "And no matter how many times I think I'm about to wake up from this crazy dream," he said softly, "I realize we're really here, doing this thing. Together. You know?"

Ashley:

Ashley hummed, letting her head rest on his shoulder for just a moment. It was a moment, but it felt nice to not have the weight of the world solely on her shoulders. She shouldn't get used to it, but she did like it.

"I know. It's mad." Ashley couldn't wrap her head around it most of the time. Especially since it was Roo. And they had had an up and down relationship since they'd met. "I'm afraid to get used to this. I feel...I don't know. A part of me wants to get the hell out of here. but the other part just wants to enjoy it."

Roo:

Roo snorted, chuckling quietly. "I understand that feeling. Part of me says to stop while I'm ahead, before anything else can happen. But the other part of me really just wants to live in this moment."

He sighed. He knew he was being foolish and romantic, but this was Ashley. The mother of their baby, who he actually liked in spite of his better judgement.  "But I also get that we're young and anything could happen. Oh, and then there's the fact that its us and we're just kind of chaotic by nature so—" he shrugged with a crooked smile.

Ashley:

Ashley understood that completely. Maybe it would be better to cut it off here before something went wrong. It was almost too good after all. "Yeah..."

She couldn't help but snort. "We're chaotic by nature and I am extremely hormonal. I don't expect it to be any easier as time goes by. In fact I imagine it to be worse.'

Roo:

"Maybe." He shrugged. "But anything worth having is worth working for, right? I think with practice and if we actually decide that we want things to work out between us, it might not be quite so bad."

His grin shifted, becoming positively roguish. "Besides, I'm extremely stubborn and have never been scared off by your hormones or whatever you want to call it."

Ashley:

"Hmm....the verdict's still out on that." Ashley wasn't sure whether things should work between them. They were so different after all. And a part of her wondered if the baby was the only real reason they were still drawn to each other. Outrageous maybe, but it was a concern too. Were they really so into each other? Or did the pressures of it bring them closer?

Ashley shrugged that thought off. There'd be more time to worry about that eventually. "Okay but even I don't know what the pregnancy hormones will do to me. I could be even more volatile Roo. You sure about this?"

Roo:

Roo shrugged. "What would it say about my character if I said no? I won't run away just because things get hard. Besides," he leveled his steady gaze at her, leaning a bit closer until his face was but inches away from hers.

Things had been rough between them from the beginning and he'd honestly given up hope of anything changing—until about an hour ago. But now he was starting to wonder if their differences could possibly be their strength?

"I actually do like you," he murmured, "You know?" And he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

Ashley:

This was stupid. It was stupid, and she knew it but she also...well. Ashley was only human, and it was nice to have someone care about her. Much as she loved her girls, she didn't know how to talk about this stuff with them. Roo kind of had to know.

"Yeah..." Ashley replied softly, wrapping an arm around him as she leaned in to return the kiss. And then snatch another one, because Ashley was nothing if not an opportunist. "I should leave before we end up fighting again."

Roo:

Roo chuckled, gently kissing her forehead before pulling away. "That—is probably a good idea. We should definitely stop while we're ahead." He scrambled up and offered her his hand. "But I won't deny that this is nice."

Ashley:

"See? That's good thinking." Ashley felt like this moment was something to preserve. At least to save as something that was nice. That had felt nice. Without letting anything taint it, or her social life or opinions mess with it.

She accepted the hand offered and got to her feet. "It was lovely. Now I'm going to head out and I'll see you sometime next week. Try not to miss me too much," she suggested with a teasing grin.

[theswiftarmy]

#28 - The Jitterbug Mystery

Music has a way of bringing anything back to life after it’s gone, or over.  If you don’t get this now, you’ll understand this when you listen to a song years after you’ve lost a friend, a lover, or a family member.  Music becomes a magical doorway into a world you once knew but lives in the present inside you.  But with every magic music memory doorway, exists a second door that can open unexpected memories.  It’s a bit like that scene in the movie Labyrinth, one door leads to the castle, the other to certain death, well, certain not death, but it can certainly bring back those memories you’d rather forget.  Good with the bad.  Some songs fish out good memories and some fish out creatures from the sea of bad memories.  Memories tucked away in the pages of a journal that sits on your shelf, and you stare at it from time to time, but don’t dare to open it up for fear of remembering that past.  Click click click… Flash flash flash…

The street was empty.  Kymmie Lawyer opened her closed eyes and found herself standing outside The Microsoft Theater.  Everyone seemed to be gone.  The sun had set.  The streetlights glowed.  The show was over.

“Where is everyone?!”  Kymmie said to herself.  Then she shouted looking around.  “Hello!  Anyone!?!?”  She felt tightness in her chest.  She was on her own, lost on this empty street.

“I don’t know.”  Her dad replied from beside her.

She smiled at him, just glad she wasn’t alone.  The fear in her chest dissipating.  She took a breath in as the tightness eased.

He looked up and down the street.  “This place is a ghost town.  There aren’t even any cars driving around.  I’ve never seen LA like this before.”  He looked at his phone, trying to get a signal.  “Hmmmm…”

“What is it dad?”

“I can’t seem to get a signal.  It just says SMPTE error.”

“You mean a Swiftie error?”  She looked up at him.

He pulled the phone in closer and squinted at it, “No, it says… SMPTE.”

She shrugged back.  “SMPTE.  Never heard of it.  Weird.  Maybe try walking around in circles.”

Carl knew what SMPTE was, he just wasn’t sure why his phone signal would have been replaced with the words SMPTE error.  He’d certainly never heard of a SMPTE error.  SMPTE stands for Society of Motion Picture and Television Engineers, and to have an error with SMPTE didn’t make any sense.  “I think I might do that, I won’t go far, just stay here.”

Kymmie smiled at her dad, and then turned her attention to something fluttering in the wind.  Pages turning.  A small notebook on the ground.  She walked over to it and picked it up.  She inspected the notebook for a moment then opened the first page.  “The Perfect Playlist…”  She read out loud.  Maybe it was a journal, or a diary.  There were numbered lines but they were all blank, like someone had decided to make a playlist but never started it.  She flipped through the notebook noticing small bits and pieces of incomplete information.  Some celebrity must have dropped this, she thought.  It had to be someone from the red carpet!  She felt a rush of excitement.  They were standing very close to where the red carpet had been.  There were random doodles and a note here or there.  Some looked like lyrics, or perhaps poetry, some looked like movie set notes and reminders, photo-shoot dates in the margin, costume notes, make up, hair, tiny journal entries, tiny stories, tiny entries.  This IS a celebrity’s notebook!  She quickly flipped through the pages wondering whose it could be.  There were Ideas and doodles here and there.  But the center of every page was blank except for the numbered playlist on the very first page.  ‘The Perfect Playlist…’ Kymmie decided it needed to be filled in.  The notebook, or journal, or whatever this was seemed like it was meant to be written in.  She was now tasked with the responsibility to create The Perfect Playlist.

“Dad!  Can I have a pen?”  She yelled in his direction.

“Sure.”  He stopped walking in circles trying to get a signal and jogged over to her.  He handed her his special lawyer pen.

“Can I keep it?”  She asked.  Examining it.

“Well, how about you hold on to it until I need it back.  Okay?”

“Sure.”  She thought for a moment then wrote her name on the very first page.  She pressed the pen to the paper and went over the letters multiple times when she was finished Kymmie Lawyer displayed in bold at the top corner of the journal.  She closed the notebook and placed the pen back in her pocket.  She wasn’t quite ready to start filling in the playlist.  After all, how does one decide the exact songs that are just the right fit for a PERFECT playlist?  “What now?”  She asked.

“Let’s just wait here for a bit okay?  We’ll see if anyone else shows up.”

“Okay.”  She looked at the journal in her hands.  She felt another wave of excitement rush over her.  Then she looked up again at her dad.  He was restarting his phone.  “Are you trying to call your boss… Mr. Whale?”

“I was trying to call your mother, actually, but I’ll need to call him at some point too.”

“Why do you call him The Whale?”

Carl reflected for a moment.  “It’s a long story, a whale is a person with a lot of money.  It’s an old term.”

“Oh, so it’s an olden days thing.  I was going to say he doesn’t really look like a whale.”

Carl laughed and shook his head no.  “The nickname has nothing to do with his physical appearance.”

She blinked, then blinked again, thought about it for a moment, then moved on.  She opened the journal once again.  She decided the playlist NEEDED to be filled in and since she needed SOMETHING to keep her mind occupied now that her phone was broken, this would have to do.  Mostly, it was hard to leave a waiting playlist empty.  It was pulling her in.  The question was, what songs made the perfect playlist?  Kymmie couldn’t decide.  She would have to think about it.  Maybe just add some of her favorite artists.  She turned to the second page and created a new list, she called it ‘STAN LIST’.

Kymmie wrote ‘Stan Ariana Grande’ at the top in the number one spot.  Then she wrote ‘(OBVIOUSLY)’ in big bold letters.  She made a small heart drawing beside her idol’s name.  Then she wrote on the next line ‘Justin Bieber (is okay too).  Then she wrote, ‘Billie Eilish is pretty stylish’ on the third line.  She wasn’t about to full on stan either of them but she decided they were cool.’  She made a little smiley face.  Then she wrote Taylor Swift’s name down below that with an undecided question mark.’  Then she thought of the cat and drew a picture of the cat next to Taylor’s name.  She wasn’t sure how she felt about Taylor right now, she knew how other people felt, some loved her, some didn’t, but she wasn’t entirely sure about a lot of things at the moment.  She moved the pen back up to Ariana Grande and underlined her name. Okay, she knew that much at least, she’d do ANYTHING for Ariana.  Arianator for life.

She turned to the next page and wrote PLAYLIST POSSIBILITIES at the top.  She added more artists on her mind besides Ariana , Justin, Billie, and Taylor.  Cardi B DEFINITELY, and Roddy Ricch. She paused, thought, then continued writing, The Weeknd, Harry Styles, CHVRCHES.  She wasn’t sure what order and what songs she wanted this playlist to be in, she would reorder it later, right now she was just writing down artists she liked.  “I’ll just make a list and then cross the numbers out and change it later.  Ugh, paper.  Why do you have to be so difficult?”  She was talking to herself.  She tried to remember what she had saved on her phone.  She wrote down more names, Drake, Tones and I, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Lewis Capaldi, DJ Khaled, Dua Lipa…

She stopped writing for a moment trying to think of more.  She was drawing a blank, there were so many more SOOO many more she just couldn’t think of them!  Instead, she wrote down, ALL OF COACHELLA, even though she’d never actually been to Coachella, because her mom wouldn’t let her, but she watched it on live stream and it seemed like the best ever.  She thought back to Ariana’s Coachella performance, so amazing, ohhhh and Beyoncé!  Beychella.  She wrote down Beyoncé.  Then she went back up and underlined ALL OF COACHELLA.  Then wrote “ARIANACHELLA GRANDECHELLA”.  She lifted the pen again and looked up at her dad trying to get cell service.  “Hmmmm… THIS THING IS SOOOO COOOL!  I love this journal dairy book thing.”  She flipped through a few pages and found some writing in the margin.

The Jitterbug Mystery

“The Jitterbug Mystery?”  She read it again.  “Dad, what’s a Jitterbug?”  She yelled in his direction.

“It’s an old dance.”  He said back in her direction after looking up from his phone thinking for a moment.  He started walking towards her still not having any luck with getting service.  “I thought you didn’t like bugs?”

“Hmm, well, yeah, but this bug sounds interesting.  Is it as old as The Whale?”

Carl laughed.  “I’m not going to comment on the age of my boss.  If it gets back to him, I could be in some hot water.  I will comment on the dance, the Jitterbug dance is pretty old.  Why do you ask about The Jitterbug?”

“It’s written here.”  She pointed to it in the journal.

Carl looked over at the faded and worn looking notebook his daughter was holding up for him to see.  “Where did you find that?”

“It was over there.”  She pointed to where she found it.  “Someone dropped it.  It’s mostly blank, but…”  She pointed back to The Jitterbug Mystery writing.  “There’s some notes written here and there.”

He eyed the cover, it looked vaguely familiar, like an Art Nouveau painting, but he couldn’t quite place where he’d seen it. “Well, if you find a name, or figure out who it belonged to, we will have to return it to its rightful owner.  Just don’t get too attached to it, okay?”

“Ummm, I already wrote my name in it.  Sorry.  No big deal.  Where’s the undo on this tablet thing.  I’ll just undo it!”

“It’s pen and paper, you can’t undo it.”

“Oops.  Ugh, pen and paper, it’s like making life mistakes, you can’t go back!  It’s like that time I un-friended one of my best friends because they couldn't stan the same musician as me.  And then I was like, I miss my best friend.  Life is so hard when you can’t undo!”

Carl chuckled.  “I don’t think I’ve ever met this Stan friend of yours is, but hopefully you learned a valuable lesson from losing your friend.  Just remember, someone else is missing that book right now.  It will be up to you to take care of it for them.”

“Dad, stan isn’t a friend, it’s when you… Never mind.”  She pulled out the pen and thought for a moment. “Hmmmm…”   She pressed the pen into the paper and underlined The Jitterbug Mystery.  “I’m going to get to the bottom of this Jitterbug Mystery”, she said to herself the noticed more writing below, written in ink the same color as the paper, nearly invisible, but it was there if you held the notebook at just the right angle.

A perfectly imperfect playlist

Me… The right songs in the wrong order.

You… The wrong songs in the right order.

Us… The right songs in just the right order.

She read it again.  Kymmie let a feeling of awe wash over her.  “A perfectly imperfect playlist.  Me… You… Us.”  She ran her hand over the words.  Someone else’s words were grabbing her; the journal was pulling her into its mystery, its Jitterbug Mystery.  She started to wonder about its history, “Who are you?“ She said to the journal.

She removed the pen from the page and paused again to think for another moment, wondering which shelf this journal would sit upon were it not for this fork in the road, then turned back to the playlist page.  She wasn’t going to fill it out yet but, why not… it’s not like it was going to be a perfect playlist, at least not at first anyway, it was going to be perfectly imperfect, the wrong song or the wrong order, a perfectly imperfect playlist.  Kymmie decided to add her missing friends to the playlist.  She wrote down Justin Bieber, then moved the pen to the next line and wrote Billie Eilish.  She left the songs blank, she decided she would fill those in later.

Kymmie looked up from the journal after writing their names and spotted Billie and Justin walking down the street.  Billie was holding Justin up every few steps, but he seemed okay.

“Dad!  Look!”  She yelled.  “BILLIE!  JUSTIN!”

They picked up their pace, walking quickly over to her and Carl.

“Are you two okay?”  Carl asked.

“Yeah.  I think so?  I mean, we feel okay.”  Billie pointed to Justin and herself.  “I’m… just not exactly sure what happened.  I remember going through that doorway and then, it was a bit like that scene in Contact when Jodie Foster goes through that space gate, you know when she falls right through and no one believes her journey story because there’s nothing on the tape, it was a blank tape but then the one person points out that sure the tape was blank, but it recorded 18 hours of blank tape and then you’re mind is blown because you’re just like WHAAAAATTTTT, THIS IS REAL!  I love that part.  Anyway instead of space this was… what was it?  Some kind of an earworm wormhole?”  Billie looked at the others and they shrugged back at her.  The agreed to call it an Earworm Wormhole as that seemed to work.  “After the wormhole, everything went hazy and we were just here in the street.  To be honest, I was expecting something cooler at the end of the earworm wormhole.”

“Yeah, me too.”  Bieber added.  He looked a little like he was about to throw up, but then seemed okay again.  “So it kind of is like contact, all that wormhole traveling and you end up right back where you started.”

Everyone nodded. “Yeah.”  Carl replied with a furrowed brow.  “It was more of an exit door than an earworm wormhole.  One heck of an exit door though.”

“Where are the others?”  Billie asked.  “Where’s Lizzo, and Kanye?”

Carl looked back at Billie unsure.  He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.  “I don’t know.”

“Ohhh!  I should add them to this playlist too.”  Kymmie fished her hand into her pocket and pulled out the pen her dad gave (loaned) her (we all know he’s not getting it back), she opened the journal and wrote Kanye West and Lizzo on the playlist.

“I hope they’re okay!”  Billie looked up and down the street.

“Wait, Kymmie, you said playlist.  What playlist?”  Justin asked.

“This journaling book I found!  I don’t know… it was just lying over there.”  She pointed to the spot on the ground where she found it.  “But you're on it now!  See!!!  I added you, it was blank when I found it, but now you’re in it.  And Billie, so are you!  I just haven’t decided what songs of yours I want.  But don’t worry, I’ll pick something from each of you.”

“She’s going through phone withdrawal.”  Her dad said to Billie and Justin.

“Oh.”  They nodded.

“DAD!  I am not going through phone withdrawal.”

“Yeah, you are.”  He smiled at her.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes.  Kymmie pulled out her phone, it was still locked on the same screen.  Even a secret doorway couldn’t fix it.  She held it up.  “An earworm wormhole couldn’t bring my phone back!”  She put it back into her pocket.  “Oh well.  At least now I have this cool notebook journal thing.”

“You’ll just appreciate your phone that much more when you finally get it back.”  Billie smiled at Kymmie.  “Just keep writing in that book.  It IS pretty cool looking!  Look at that cover!”

“Yeah.  It is pretty cool looking.”  She repeated and smiled back at Billie.

“Kymmie, do you mind if I take a quick peek at that notebook journal”  Billie asked, eyeing the notebook. “Just real quick?”

“You promise to give it back?”

“Yeah.”  She crossed her fingers behind her back.

“Okay.”  Kymmie handed the mystery book over to Billie.

Billie’s thoughts flashed to what she was told backstage about the fabled celebrity suicides book, not that she was sure it even existed, but if THIS was it, Kymmie wouldn’t be getting it back, Billie would burn it, destroy it, without question, there’s been enough suicides in the world, let alone celebrity suicides in the world already.  She decided if that journal did exist, she could find it and destroy it, ESPECIALLY if The Whale was using it to gain control of valuable art assets to build his stronghold over all of streaming media.  She took a deep breath and opened the mystery notebook.  She quickly scanned through a few of the pages then breathed a sigh of relief.  It didn’t seem to contain any suicide notes.  Perhaps Emma Watson really was keeping the real collection of notes hidden somewhere only she knew, Emma and her mental fortitude not to read it.  How impossible it must be to have a book in your possession that you are never to read.  Billie returned the book to Kymmie.  As the journal left her hands she suddenly realizing if it HAD been the suicide book, what then?  She opened the book so eagerly, as if, she wanted to know if it was THE NOTEBOOK, it was as if she HAD to know.  ‘Don’t read it… don’t open it’ was her first thought, but, ‘I have to know!’  …was her second.  Maybe that’s how it worked, maybe you had to know.  You had to read it.  The curiosity of its mystery as it sat on the bookshelf drove you mad.  You knew what it did, you knew it was cursed; you knew it was destructive, but you couldn't stop, you wanted more.  She felt dizzy for a second, sick.  Billie made a small wish under her breath…

Emma Watson, don’t let a soul near that book.  If you really have it, if you REALLY do, it’s up to YOU to save the lives of anyone who might otherwise get their hands on it.  Keep it locked up tight.  And whatever you do, never open it, please, please, PLEASE, never read it, no matter how curious you might get.  Promise you’ll never read it.  You need to promise me you’ll never read the notes, not even one, because that’s how it starts, you read the first one, and then you can’t stop until it’s too late.  Like reading every terrible troll social media comment about a celebrity, each one burrowing its way into your mind with just a tiny bit more of that melancholy mixed with infinite sadness.

           “Wait where’s uncle Scott?” Kymmie asked.  She had been holding his hand when they went through the earworm wormhole.

“He’s your uncle!”  Justin exclaimed.  “Are you related to everyone!?”

“No… We just call people my dad knows aunt and uncle, I don’t know why we do that.  Dad why do we do that?”

Carl Lyle Lawyer shrugged back at his daughter Kymmie Lawyer.  “Ummm… It’s just something we’ve always done.  I don’t really know either, my dad and used to do that, so I do too.  I never really thought about it before.  I honestly have no idea where it came from.”

It’s a curious thing to consider, not knowing the origin of something in your life that you do.  Everything came from somewhere.  There’s a history to everything about everyone.

“Do the others make music?”  Kymmie asked suddenly, seemingly out of the blue.

“As far as I know they all play instruments, I mean Oak is a famous music producer and writes music and Pop too, Scott plays an instrument, I believe.  Why?”

“I was going to add them to my playlist.  You know what, I’m going to put them on this playlist anyway.  I can always scratch their names out, TAKE THAT PEN AND PAPER!  You aren’t so permanent after all!  And anyway, everyone has the ability to make music!  Who am I to judge?  I’m not a judge, I’m a lawyer.”  She started to write down each name on the playlist beside a number.  She even wrote down the man of mystery who opened up the earworm wormhole that they has just traveled through, William B. Way.

“Oh Kymmie.”  Billie rolled her eyes laughing at Kymmie Lawyer’s joke.

Justin and Carl laughed too.

“I mean, that was kind of funny.”  Justin cracked a half smile.  “You know, for a lawyer you’re funny.”

Carl stared at Justin with a very serious look on his face.

“It… Umm..” Justin pulled at his collar, “It was a joke.  I tell ya… can’t get no respect.  Soooo… how about that unrelated sporting event?  Go Maple Leafs!”

Carl continued to stare at Justin.

“Look!”  Kymmie yelled and pointed, as if she were recognizing some old friends at a concert.  Lizzo, Oak Felder, Scott Borchetta, Kanye West, Pop Wansel, and even Will B walked out of a shadow and into the street.  “HEY!”  Kymmie waved.  “OVER HERE!!!  WE’RE OVER HERE!”  She waved her arms wildly jumping up and down.

They ran down the street to make the group whole again.  Everyone had made it safely to the other side of the wall of sound earworm wormhole.

[beautifulmonster1212]

You think if I was a “Cold hearted liar” I would be sooo broken over you???.... you think I wouldn’t rebound and just say “eff this” and move on ??.... if I was a cold hearted liar from the moment you ghosted me in 2017 and showed BR my nudes and you allowed it to be posted.........you think I would come running back??.....

You baited me on a fake watsapp number 7**-0241......while I used my real number and we spoke for months....you called me babe back then too just to ghost me.....which was fine .....but then selling me out to BR and then posting all my nudes along with all my watsapp profile pictures, and then posting my whole qualifications under the picture.......and I forgave you and tried to look past that......but I’m the cold hearted liar.

You think I would put aside my dignity when you guys posted the photo with my whole Dr. in front my name ??... what about when I called u to my house that night and we were in the kitchen talking and I asked you if u knew about tumblr and who posted it ....you looked me in the eyes and told me u don’t know anything like that ....... I told you I traced the ip address to your house ....this was your exact words “solider iz me, my moda, fada, big bro and small bros and none of them would use that app....” but I’m the cold hearted liar.....and yet I forgave you for that.

What about when I asked you for Jouvert.....when brendon very well played jouvert also.....and I had to find out he was in your gallery liming after jouvert, when I dropped you home and all I could have think about was you .....you was with him drinking more that evening......you hide him perfectly from me throughout that entire day otherwise I would have recognized him......that evening I called you to tell you my real feelings for you...you hugged me and told me “bro it’s crazy how close we’ve gotten in such short space of time” and I held onto that an approached you that night in a phone call and I tried to tell you I love you and u told me you can’t come out your house and you have to watch your little brothers.......but I’m a cold hearted liar.

What about the time I had to pretend to be someone else, just so that I could have heard everything you really felt about “Hotdoc”.....and everything your family said about “Hotdoc”, meanwhile I was nothing but just being nice and getting to know you better, and the time I had to hear about BR coming in your van the weekend before fasting started and how he started making out with you and you guys sucked off each other.....how was I suppose to feel....when I had especially asked you to lime that weekend and you turned me down. I had to hear every detail about it, down to his cumshot. I rember being at the gym and just running down to the toilet to vomit becuase I couldn’t stand the idea of you swallowing someone’s cum, I bawled my eyes out but continued to talk to you because I wanted to hear more about what your family was saying becuase that was all sooo suprising to me, that ppl can be so two faced and judgemental.

What about the private bday I had just to spend time with you ??...and it was my best bday ever just having you there... but I’m a cold hearted liar.......

What about the night we went down to Zumba girl house.....and everyone else in your house went on vacation to some country..........I remember being so nervous that night because that was the night I thought u were alone and maybe I might get through to you.......you’re the first guy I have feelings for... and I really dodnt understand how after everything You had put me tru I still kept coming back.......that night you told me you were upset that Justin sister went with another man .......in my head all I was thinking about was you.....and all you was talking about was Justin sister we were sitting in your gallery and when I told you....”A there’s someting between us....I feel this way towards you and I know you feel the same way”........ you blatantly laughed in my face and told me “broo, idk what u talking about” making me look like the raging homosexual. I told you “open the fucking gate” and I left......but I’m the cold hearted liar.....I cried myself to sleep that night, and went on my knees asking god to stop letting me have these feelings for someone that keep hurting me.

Ramadan month, all I wanted to do was be by your side secretly in 2019, I had to pretend to be someone else on gentleman1212 so that I could have hear you say “I wish hotdoctor would just jam me in a corner and suck my tongue” Nights upon nights I ponder on how I was going to do this.....finally praying and getting the courage to do it ......I called you over to my room.....well I don’t need to remind you what happened in my room, till this day when I sit on that black desk all I rmeber is being push away and you saying “solider not ah fuck ah datt shit with me.” When u left my house in that BMW I trashed my rooom.....lamp everything was broken.....becuase I didn’t know how exactly to feel.....you were saying someting on tumblr and doing the whole opposite in person......but I’m a cold hearted liar. I couldn’t help myself I had to call you on the phone and that was the day I told you “A I love you”......it was 5:56pm and you had just reached to work......what was your response .......”bro I reach to work.....I hadda go there now.....but all I could tell you is someone playing with your head and I not gay” and u hung up the phone on me....... but I’m a cold hearted liar.

Wanting to drop rope for me to hang myself.....having conversations about killing me and “your boys ready for me”.....posting a pic of a gun.....calling me manicou face.....and how u going hunting and then telling me how “I killed my mom.......but I’m “cold hearted” rite ?? ......I remember I went that day to do my Photoshoot that I had done just for you......It was the fitness shoot that I had done just to change my fb profile pic ..”it was the ones with the ropes....to show you I made better use of the ropes you wanted to drop for me .......around the same time you wanted me dead, for no apparent reason and I woke up to you asking me where I prefer my final rights, Belgroves like mom or the seabed. I almost canceled the entire shoot, becuase I had to take all that pain and hurt and pull tru that $10,000 Photoshoot for that one day.....just so that I can post on my fb just for you. Would a cold hearted liar do any of that ??.... Your brother found out I lost my job in September last years, failure is never someting that I am accustomed with, having lost a job because of my performance was someting that was on me and I don’t blame you for that, I blamed myself for being caught up in all the homicidal threats and gun posts and I blame myself for being genuinely scared and watching a situation where I was completely innocent and generous to a group of people turn into something so sinister to the point where I felt like my life was a risk. There were days I would drive different vehicles, but then my dad would drive my van I didn’t want to put his life at risk......so I had to keep using my van, despite the fear. You ever considered for a moment how I felt for those 4 week that you were posting homicidal posts for me ??... or what about the talk of dropping my nudes on Xhamester.....and some Trinidad Bamboo....and saying “international l fuck up now for him”.......ever considered how much nights of crying and praying to God on my knees that you don’t do whatever you were threatening to do me. Every considered how much my heart broke into pieces hearing the one person that I ever had feelings for and did so much for want to killl me and post my nudes to ruin my life.

A cold hearted liar would have been gone since 2017, a cold hearted liar would have found someone else moved on and never look back. And what you’re going through rite now....I never want to think this is Karma for all the years of hurt that you’ve put me through, but you’ve been hurtin since September; and you never miss an opportunity to tell remind me of what a horrible person I am, but calling me a Cold hearted liar is worse than threatening to kill me and ask where I want to be laid to rest by my mom or on the seabed; becuase God knows how much times I’ve broken my own heart for you, and had to put myself together piece my piece only for it to be broken again

Use your brain; A cold hearted liar would have been gone by now ....not putting up with your rejections, homicidal life threats and worse yet your constant failure to merge the tumblr version of yourself and your real life self.

There was so much instances where you could have come forth as a friend, and nothing more, where u could have apologized in person for the way things went down with us. Becuase I was your friend, not J not your brother, I was your friend......and you would never get another friend like me ....I didn’t become your friend with intentions of falling in love with you.....I became your friend to see the type of person you were, to see past what you’ve put me tru in 2017, and to let go of the hate that I had for you for putting me tru that, and then little by little I started to fall in love like no gravity and I couldnt help myself, but I kept getting my heart broken over and over again. U know how much sleepless, nights or crying I did back when I was your friend, from getting rejected 12 times to hearing the plain ole truth about what your family members thought of me. I have been crying for years for you and because of you. You only started crying in September, but God knows how many times my heart broke over and over for the same person, and yes I was strong enough to cry on my own and deal with it on my own but I can’t do it on my own anymore .......becuase I got a piece of your heart in the months of March, April and May; so now it’s not just crying, it’s clinical depression, Paranoia from being followed in NYC and Trinidad (constantly looking over my shoulder to see if there’s a car behind me), para-suicide; god alone knows my thoughts. My therapist, fluxotein, my pastors, my family; everyone is rooting for me and I have to get better.

Your therapist thinks that’s normal behavior for me, she didn’t know what I had to go through months and months prior to act out in a way like that. NYC was my place to go because, it was where I healed after my moms death, and I know she would not have been proud of me after seeing my behavior, but that was me when I had given up on finding love because I was tired or being hurt by the same person over and over. I always told myself that you would watsapp, that you would call if you really meant everything that you was saying. But tumblr you and real you was never the same person.........It’s unfair to ask me to trust you on the same app that broke me in pieces; posting nudes ➡️ finding out your true real feelings for me on gentleman1212 ➡️ hearing the truth of what your family thought of me ➡️ homicidal posts towards me ➡️ threatening to posting my nudes again ➡️ then I was suppose to believe you loved me still ???.....

if I had only gotten a watsapp convo or a phone call or any real substantial evidence of you, I would have went to NYC and not indulge in any of that behavior.

Your therapist thinks I’m a hoe and I’m comfortable around men, thats the first time I did any of that exploring in NYC, and I can safely say that now both me and you have seen the all the videos; I never sucked a dick, kissed anyone or fucked anyone or been fucked. What would you have done if u saw me sucking a cock A ??...... I’ve never done that shit in my life worse yet swallowed someone cum.......beauty was the only cock I was willing to put my mouth inn and pleasure. I don’t fool around with random men in Trinidad and you know that, becuase if that was the case I would have been long gone. I would have given up on you since the moment you first rejected me; and started fooling around with people......And it’s not like I don’t have unlimited options, I have both girls and guys wanting me but I choose to not explore that part of me in this country. I went to a foreign country where I “thought “I was safe. You’ve sucked dick and swallowed cum; that’s something that I don’t think I would ever do with someone; especially the kind of things I used to talk about with you, when we used to sex talk. The reason I never came forth and told you when u asked me multiple times was because things were going too good and I didn’t want to ruin it, and I was afraid of the reality that I would lose you......and I thought that maybe just maybe you wouldn’t watch out those videos once I convince you and show you the real true side of me. Since 2017 till now I have spent about 400 thousand on you, from taking down my nudes to wiping brendon phone clean (becuase u was scared he had your nudes) to hacking and taking your pic down from Tbamboo blog to buying you gifts for your bday ....that drawing .....the rings.....bargaining with the company to obtain NYC footage........if I was a lying cheating cold hearted liar.......I would not have spent any of that money, because I don’t have an unlimited supply like you. Every cent I have I work for, so I may spend it wildly sometimes but I spend it on ppl that I think is worth it.........I don’t want to have any arguments with you, for the sake of my mental well being and yours .....I just want you to know that my heart has been breaking Waaaaayyyyyy before yours broke.

[eyeofscottie]

I have a question 😐 Okay .. my friend wanted me to take her wedding pictures & i've never charged her in the past so i only told her sure for $40 .. sooo she gets mad & her & her other friend throw shade on twitter & snapchat about me saying I flaked and whatever . I had to work the day of her wedding and told her that buuut I havent talked to her since & I found out recently she removed me from snapchat . Am I wrong for feeling the way I do? a "friend" should not act that way 🤔

Okay love. Come sit here with Scottie 😌First things first, do not undervalue yourself as an artist.Secondly, charging $40 for a wedding is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE 🙅🏽‍♂️ Wedding budgets are too high for you to only get paid $40 fucking dollars. That's mad disrespectful. When you are trying to size up the amount you want to charge people for your photography services, you need to take into account for a couple of things: 1️⃣ Your Time:YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE! You are taking time out of your day to photograph your client, plus additional time editing the photos in post (if you retouch your photos as well) Not to mention the investment & time you are taking to learn WHO your client is. (That's if you're not photographing a family member or a friend. But we'll get to that in a moment 😊)2️⃣ Potential Fees:Do I have to book a studio space? NO (cool 👍🏽) YES (I'm charging you more 💰)Do I have to travel to where you are located?NO (cool 👍🏽) YES (I'm charging you more 💰)etc..etc..Take in account to ANY expenses you may have to spend in order to give your client the spectacular photo shoot and photos that they want!!Once you have assessed everything that you'll need in order to have a great photo shoot, you'll be able to give a more proper quote for your services 👌🏽NOW!!! I haven't even spoken on the matter of your "friend" 🙄😒 I hope you and your friend work it out. BUT, to keep it 💯, they did not support you as a photographer and took advantage of you. NIP THAT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP IN THE BUD!!!!!! It will always blow my mind how some "friends" will support celebrities and other people who have NO IDEA THAT THEY EXIST first, before they would me. And then have the audacity to try and guilt me when I won't give them the "Oh We Friends Discount" ........ FUCK OUTTA HERE 😂 if it's gonna be like that, I'd rather not work you at all..... Period.

[leapesportif]

10 Camera Bag Essentials

We’ve all been there right? You’re in the local camera shop, sizing up a new camera bag, only to bring it home to realise all the bits and pieces you have don’t fit in there all together! If you’re anything like me, then by now you probably have a camera bag for all occasions!

Here’s a run-down of my 10 Camera Bag Essentials - things that are always in my bag, almost all the time (whatever bag i happen to be using!), whatever the mission!

1. FOTGA Professional Rocket Air Blower

A little cheaper than it’s famous competitor; i’ve also found the FOTGA to be a little more hard wearing! It’s not just the perfect accessory for getting dust off of your lenses, filters and sensors. It’s also great for people writing blogposts whilst eating toast!

2. Hama Micro II Lens Pen

Hama are pretty much the go-to choice for lens cleaning pens. I’ve had many of them down the years and i think every one of them was a Hama. Hardwearing, long lasting, and does the job. The cleaning tip is also small enough to get in the viewfinder of your camera, or clean the lens of your smartphone. Good job Hama!

3. JOBY GorillaPod

These little monkeys, sorry, Gorillas are awesome! They come in a range of size and load bearing capacities (up to 5kg), and are perfect for Vloggers as well as conventional snappers! Particularly useful for shooting time-lapses from motorway flyovers!

4. K&F Concept 77mm Variable ND Filter

Winter is coming, and snowy landscapes with low sun will soon be before our lenses! In fact, a good ND filter is perfect any time of the year when shooting in sunny conditions, especially if you’re shooting video too! The best thing about the K&F is that it’s a variable filter, which means it can be adjusted to your light requirements. A must have piece of kit for anyone shooting outdoors!

5. Anker Power Bank

If you’ve got teenagers at home, roaming the streets with their smartphones, then you know all about power banks already! The funny thing is thought, they really are an essential piece of kit - especially if you’re out shooting for a day or more. I’ve used high-capacity power banks for some time now, and in many cases when i’m away from home for just a few days - i don’t even take a phone charger with me. These things will charge anything with a powered usb connection - phones, gopros, tablets etc etc

6. Western Digital Portable Hard Drive

Backing up data on the go is becoming an essential part of any photographers day. And a portable hard drive really is a does fall in the category of camera bag essentials! Available in a variety of capacities, it’s always useful to have one with you on the road. Some models are also available with a memory card input so you can back up images for editing later, without having to worry about data loss. Now….while we’re on the subject of backing up - you’ll need some of these first…

7. Sandisk Extreme PRO Memory Card

Yeah, well, this one is a bit obvious isn’t it! But, it never hurts to have a bunch of cards in your bag (i keep one in my wallet too - just in case i forget to pack some - believe me, i’ve done it!)! These things do go kaputt, so spares are essential! SanDisk cards are however super-reliable, fairly priced, and very fast!

8. Apple Lightning to SD Card Camera Reader

If you happen to be a true on-the-fly editor, then this is for you!! No more uploading to clouds or whatever so that you can edit on your iPad in the car home - just pop this in to any iOS device and the files on the card will automatically appear for import in the iOS photos app. What you do after that is up to you!

9. Manfrotto Universal Smartphone Clamp

This handy smartphone holder is the perfect companion for your Gorilla Pod or travel tripod. This phone clamp is grippy and sturdy, and can be threaded on to almost any small tripod. Again, really useful when you need to keep your phone completely steady when shooting at night or time-lapse.

10. DJI Mavic Mini

Yeah, i know what you’re thinking! A drone isn’t really a camera bag essential, is it? But why not? The latest drone from DJI has a new sensor on board, can shoot 2.7k video, and is under the weight limit for most countries requirement for registration! You just need to fly the thing responsibly!

A great piece of kit for landscape shooters that just can’t get into the right position for the shot they want! Don’t think that’s because it’s a drone you have to go on some record breaking flight and photograph that castle you’re in front of from 10,000ft! Most things look sooo good with just a slight change of perspective - sometimes just a few meters!

I hope some of the things listed here will work out being really useful for you! Christmas is on the way, so don’t forget to share this list with your loved-ones ;-)

[melvillaa]

SUNDAY 10.21.18 || This is honestly still surreal to me... I couldn’t have dreamed of this life! I swear this was the happiest moment of my life. It was picture perfect and everything I could have ever dreamed of and more. It was everything I didn’t even know I wanted. I want to remember this forever! At bible study tonight I was reminded that we are often in search of answers for things that have been present in our life all along - we just neglect to realize how blessed we are and we are always searching for the next best. Who knew that this would be our life, who knew that we were destined for each other? God wrote our story and I could not be happier than I am now. 

Since I have pretty much chronicled a majority of my life events through this personal blog and I’m pretty much the only person reading this thing, I figured I would type out our engagement story. I feel like I’ve told it so many times since we got engaged, but I feel like when you’re writing...things and emotions come out organically that you don’t naturally say audibly. Or maybe that’s just me, whatever, haha. 

So way back in April, I bought Bri this expensive ass rooftop tent for our anniversary. It’s what he wanted, we found a good deal, so I bought it... under one stipulation - you can’t use it unless you use it with me first. I feel like that’s fair, right? Well, I don’t really care if you don’t think it’s fair, haha. There was originally going to be an overlanding fest where a bunch of people camp out for the entire weekend from Friday, October 19th - Sunday, October 21st. Bri was interested in the event and told me about it months and months in advance, so I was like hey, why not. I took the day off on Friday, the 19th but as time grew closer to the date we decided we wouldn’t do the overlanding fest and we would go camping on our own instead. So I planned on heading out right after work on Thursday and then we would camp Friday into Saturday morning. 

At work on Thursday I was catching up with one of my friend’s, Holly. She came in my office and she was like “To be honest, I thought you were going to get engaged in the Bahamas.” I just laughed it off and I said, “Oh I knew that wasn’t going to happen, he’s still saving, and he wouldn’t do it in front of a lot of people like that.” So she said, “what if you get engaged this weekend!” I was automatically like, “uhhh no, we’re going camping, we’re going to be dirty” Hahah, she definitely called it. 

Anyways, I got in at night on Thursday and we woke up on Friday and went to Scratch biscuit and met up with Chad. Then we bought last minute camping equipment and we were on our way to the campsite. Camping was perfect. The expensive ass tent was well worth the money and it was the best first camping experience I’ve ever had. He cooked me steak and we had smores and we just chilled and enjoyed each other’s company. It rained at night but it was still perfect and the tent was seriously the best part. Super cozy and just a good time spending just me and him. I swear every time I’m in Roanoke and in that area in general, I fall more in love with it. So the next day, we woke up and Bri made breakfast - blueberry pancakes, bacon, and eggs - and then we started packing up and heading back to Roanoke. For the rest of the day we just hung around being lazy and going around downtown. We ordered Thai food take out and walked downtown to get it and we ate it while watching How to Get Away with Murder. While we were hanging out, Duke ended up calling Bri and asked if him and Morgan could crash at his place because Morgan just finished shooting a wedding. Bri asked me if it was cool and I didn’t care so we ended up falling asleep and they came in late around 2 AM on Sunday morning. I initially was kinda bummed because we were just chilling and didn’t really do any exploring. I wanted to go to the Blue Ridge parkway but Bri said we would probably do that the next day because Duke and Morgan were coming and that’s what we always do when someone new comes to visit Roanoke.

So we woke up and Duke and Morgan were going to spend the day with us in Roanoke. I was initially planning on leaving around 3 or 4 to head back home to Norfolk and they were too. So we got breakfast and I had the best french toast I’ve ever had in my life, haha. And then we just went around Roanoke. Mostly just eating our way through Roanoke. It was fun, sunny and cold, but fun. We went to a food truck event and then we went to Blue Cow to have ice cream. While we were at Blue Cow I remember checking the time and thinking to myself that I didn’t want to have to make that drive home. Bri is always a stickler for me going home during the day time because he never likes for me to drive in the dark but he literally didn’t say anything all day, haha. So while we were at Blue Cow, Bri convinced me to just stay the night and leave early in the morning. It wasn’t that hard to convince me, haha. All he had to do was say the word, haha. So after ice cream we went up to see the Roanoke Star. Morgan told us she wanted to get some photos on the Blue Ridge parkway at sunset so we were already on the parkway to see the star so we made our way to the overlooks. 

The sun was already starting to set and we initially were driving the wrong way, oops lol. So Bri was literally chasing the sunset to get to some overlooks so we could get some pictures. We pull over to our first overlook and it’s seriously so pretty. Some of the leaves were starting to change colors and the colors of the sky were crazy. There’s so many overlooks so we ended up going to another one. While we were there there was another car parked, doing the same thing we were doing. So we were taking photos and then the car left, but as the car was driving away, some guy yelled out the window “he’s going to propose!!” Bri asked what he said, and apparently I was the only one who heard it, lol.  I said, “He said, ‘he’s going to propose!’ wtf” and I just laughed it off, I had no clue. Bri was internally freaking out, haha. So then we hopped back in the car and went to a different overlook. Morgan was taking photos of Duke and then she took a couple of me and a couple of me and Bri. So at one point she said, “Mel let me take a couple of you” and she positioned me where she wanted and Duke pried the Instax out of my hands because I didn’t want to burden anyone with having to hold my crap, haha. So I was posing ... awkward af, and then I see Bri smiling and walking up towards me. So I go, “what are you doing? why you tryna steal my shine” jokingly, and he keeps coming towards me. All of the sudden he’s smiling so hard and he’s down on his knee and he pulls out the ring and asks me to marry him. I was in literal shock. I kept saying “omg!” so he had to ask me again and of course I said yes, and Morgan was there getting everything on camera and Duke got video of the tail end of the proposal on his phone. It was sooo surreal and it was soo beautiful out even if it was freezing. The sun was setting and the sky was sooo many crazy colors, it was perfect. 

I couldn’t stop smiling. Even when I look back at the photos and the videos, I still can’t stop smiling. I can’t stop staring at my ring! It’s so perfect. It’s so me. He got it made by a local jeweler in Virginia Beach that I was eyeing for so long. I follow her on instagram and it’s crazy because I was apparently liking photos of my own ring and I had no clue! Morgan had us pose for some staged shots and I was just naturally sooo giddy. So was Bri! You know, I always imagined that when I got proposed to I would want a whole speech and I would want him to say my full name and yada yada. But I don’t even care about that. To see the smile on Bri’s face and how genuinely happy he was made everything sooo perfect. He proposed in the most perfect way, at the most perfect location, with the most perfect ring. 

Afterwards, we ended up meeting up with Chad and getting Krispy Kreme hahah.  And afterwards we ended up going to Target to get some drinks and then we ordered food to eat at the house. When we were at the house we started Facetiming all of our friends and family and it was seriously so fun seeing everyone’s reactions. Those are moments I never want to forget. Telling my mom and dad was surreal too. My mama started crying and my daddy was so happy. My brother? He just told me my fingers were fat, smh. I’m still so incredibly happy. I feel like I’m floating, haha. This is bliss. Literal bliss. So in love, so happy, sooo blessed, sooooo grateful and beyond excited for the next chapters that are still yet to come. 

[sierrabinondo]

summer tour day 9

i was going to make this entry the last few days of tour, but i typed too much for day 9 so now pittsburgh gets its own whole post HAHAHA. 

day 9 - pittsburgh, pa

photo credit: julie yi photography

p i t t s b u r g h. 

what a weird day. we had the least amount of time in the city but it was definitely not short of action and adventure.

on friday june 8th, day 9, we slowly woke up in Q’s basement one by one. actually it was more like, all of WSA woke up one by one, jaime waking up in a crevice between the wall and the furnace LMAO, and destination dimension already being packed up and up and at ‘em before we could even wake up shindle fully.  it was hard to get ready because we didn’t have a full bathroom in the basement, just a toilet. joe was bugging about not having showered. at this point i was personally going on day three or four without a shower because i was just using baby wipes and dry shampoo. i’m gross and i didn’t care whether or not i got a full shower in every single day. 

this was also the day anthony bourdain died so i was not in a super cheery mood. it didn’t affect me fully but enough to feel a sad pit in my stomach. coverage surrounding his death played on TVs hanging inside the bridge stone diner in reading, OH where the tour package ate breakfast together. i ordered an omelette and vegetable soup (yeah idk i could not explain to you my train of thought there), noooot jersey diner food but not awful. just a cheap breakfast before the next drive. 

i volunteered to drive us to pittsburgh since santino was feeling wiped and i felt pretty alert. we listened to the new dance gavin dance as we drove through northern ohio and then western virginia. we arrived to pittsburgh about an hour before load-in. i hadn’t done my makeup and reeeeally needed to get ready, and wasn’t done by the time the pittsburgh local bands showed up for load-in. makeup in the van took me FOREVER even though the mirror was RIGHT THERE in front of me in the driver’s seat because i kept getting eyeliner in my FRICKIN eye and had to wipe the entire eyeball ZONE and do it ALL OVER AGAIN. 

we played with two bands- haven state, and then we’re gonna call the other band, led zepplin. 

led zepplin was a band that we were in contact for weeks leading up to the show. they told destination dimension a long time ago they were welcome to use their gear because they understood the touring band struggle. but a week before the gig i have the drummer hitting me up to ask if they can borrow our band’s gear. weird, but i didn’t second guess because he had also offered weeks prior to put us up for the night. figured, he’s doing us a huge solid. why wouldn’t we loan our gear? it was super nice of him, and we were excited to meet him and the rest of his band. 

so we show up to load in and led zepplin is there early to help us load in all of our gear (awesome!) and introduce themselves. they were friendly and helpful. the other band haven state also shows up to load-in, and somehow they and led zepplin got into some confusion about the line-up order. led zepplin thought they were going first, but they were going last after destination dimension. originally led zepplin were borrowing our gear, but now they were going to ask destination dimension, and then use santino’s WHOLE rig. 

photo credit: julie yi photography

haven state were so wonderful. i forget how we found them but they were a band i was easily excited to see play on this tour. i was shy at first because of the confusion going down over the line-up and i wondered if it was my fault LMAO, but i later learned it was all led zepplin apparently.

haven state’s sound can be explained like this- think the contortionist or northlane, but with just a singer and no screams. josie had such beautiful tone and then the band was playing some really cool poly-rhythmic stuff. we all bonded with them very quickly. santino bought one of their shirts and instantly threw it on haha. they said they were happy to meet us because it was nice for them to play with a similar band - one that borrows inspiration from heavy bands but doesn’t succumb to the pressure of adding screams to fit in with a certain sound. 

our set went pretty well, and we sold merch! i was very happy, i felt pretty good. i didn’t feel like it was a perfect set- i actually killed it on “willow” but ate shit on “sooner or later” LMAO, but everyone in the room was really receptive to our performance which was great. 

i find it weird that led zepplin is still downstairs for haven state and then during our set. they brought a lot of people, but they nor anyone they brought came upstairs at any point until right before they had to go on. hmm. whatever. after we played i ran down quickly to order beer and food so that i didn’t miss too much of destination dimension. i asked the bartender (who was from jersey! small world) what beers she had on tap that might be from pittsburgh and all she had to offer was this pineapple beer. it was a little too sweet for me, but i paid for it so i drank it! it also wasn’t bad i just don’t like sugary drinks haha. 

some biker guy came over to hit on me and it SUCKED. i should have told him i shidded and farded my pants but as always i chickened out and just said “okay thank you” until he went away. he was like, “i just wanted to let you know that you are absolutely STUNNING,,, and i think,,,,, all beautiful girls deserve to be told they are beautiful,,,,” he continues, “well i am going to go hang out with my FRIENDS over THERE --------> ;) ;) ;) now ;) so have a GOOD night” and then it was over finally!

i also let the santana jukebox meme die in pittsburgh. all these venues use touch tunes which i have the app installed for, and every single time the app would prompt me to reload credits even though i already wasted like $10 doing so each fucking time, which i thought would be enough for plays ALL OF TOUR but i guess not. i refused to waste any more money i was done haha. 

smiling moose had some delicious food. i got pierogies that came with a beer cheese dip and a garden salad. later on i ended up also ordering another beer, a sole artisian terp lord double IPA with honey that was INCREDIBLE. sooo good. that one might be my favorite all of tour.

during destination dimension’s set, i notice led zepplin finally came upstairs during their last 2-3 songs. but their heads were down looking at their phones the whole time. apparently the second that DD was done, they approached them shaking their hands and saying “awesome set dude! can we use all of your gear?”

literally all of it. the drummer only brought STICKS.

they also asked for a guitar. tony grabbed his second guitar from the DD van and the guitarist tuned it down. the guitarist that used santino’s rig broke his noise reduction pedal. both nights after, santino had to just ditch that pedal because it started causing signal issues. 

not all of us watched them. we were pretty pissed off and lamenting the fact we had to stay with these clowns. we were getting pretty bad vibes from them.

well, there was somewhat good news lmao.

after led zepplin plays, the drummer who was putting us up for the night disappears. his friends are still kind of hanging around as we are packing our gear and merch up. we had until 10 to get out of there because the side of the street we were parked on was only for the public until then. the drummer messages me on facebook saying “hey i had to run because of an emergency, but message me when you’re leaving”. so we start to formulate a game plan for food before settling in for the night. it’s like, 9:20ish at this point. santino really wants food (it was probably milk and cookies i dont remember lmao), and so we figure we’ll stop somewhere along the way. i’m about to ask the drummer for his address when i see DD talking to one of the guys from led zepplin. 

they seem to be asking the guy for the drummer’s number or contact but i hear him say something about not being able to access the internet or his data? he then turns to me and was like “well, i can give you his number...” and gives me the drummer’s number.

i queue up a text to the phone number and say, “hey! we were just about to head over, wanted to get your address before we left so that we could figure out a place to stop for food on the way.”

a few minutes pass. we’re all shooting the shit outside the venue kinda talking about how weird the night was. i remember clearly anthony, jeremy and jaime were standing in front of me when i finally got a response back. my mouth was agape before i started laughing:

“HEY! Fuck, we kind of had an emergency at our house, my roommate got robbed at gunpoint deliving pizza and hes not doing so well. He kinda freaked out on me when I told him I was having you guys stay. Im so sorry, I forgot to check with my roommates, theyre not gonna be down with anyone crashing here tonight, Im so fucking sorry. I'm gonna ask around for you guys tho, I feel absolutely terrible”

i turn to josef and santino and say, “pull up hotwire.com right now.”

photo credit: julie yi photography

the whole lot of us erupt in raucous yelling and disbelief hahaha. after not watching any of the bands and borrowing all of our gear, this WHOLE time, the dude had NOT ASKED HIS ROOMMATES IF THE TOUR COULD CRASH EVEN THOUGH HE WAS THE ONE WHO OFFERED US A PLACE TO STAY AND HAD BEEN TALKING TO US WEEKS LEADING UP TO THE SHOW.

the bit about his roommate being robbed at gunpoint, in my opinion, could be true. and was grounds to maybe not have us stay over last minute. maybe we were fucked either way. but it was the fact that he never asked his roommates, and he admitted that. this was someone who was also in a pretty popular touring band. how could he not have asked ahead of time if it was cool? he could have even omitted that part completely, and the fact that he didn’t makes the ‘robbed at gunpoint’ alibi questionable. 

chris takes out his phone and makes a phone call. by some divine miracle his friend jorge was awake, answered, and was able to house all 10 of us last minute. the only catch was that we had to drive out three hours to state college, PA - now. 

we ran across the street just in time before the nearby coffee shop closed and we got coffee for the drive. bizzarely enough, i felt so amped up and kind of excited at the prospect of a last-minute three hour drive that i volunteered to drive. the barista was not excited that we were coming in 15 minutes before closing, but after some chatting and some apologizing on my behalf because i apologize for everything lmao, it turns out he’s a huge springsteen fan and goes out to LBI in jersey every year for summer vacation. in that moment i felt so dumb for not having my friend bobby mahoney’s band cards because this guy needed to hear them, so i prayed he would remember his band off the weight of our coincidental meeting alone. 

i wanted to make this drive fun, so i played the first 90′s playlist on spotify that i could and we had our most fun drive all of tour. we stopped at sheetz on the way to pick up some alcohol about an hour in (PA u lucky jerks y’all got convenience stores with liquor), and then we were back on the road. after the playlist played for a bit, we took turns playing requests. we played everything from TLC, to destiny’s child, to aaron carter, to the pokemon: the movie soundtrack. we reveled in nostalgia like a bunch of LOSERS but it was so much fun and as a result the drive flew by. 

we arrived to jorge’s house in state college around 1:30 am. though a little worn out we drank beers and hung out for a couple hours before going to sleep. instantly several people queued up to shower lmao. 

i took this pic at like 2:15 am and sent it to my mom bc she love shandy

i felt like this happened for a reason haha. and i think we were actually much happier with this outcome, which was why we were blissfully having conversation and enjoying each other’s company. this was probably our third tour package sleepover in a row and neither band was getting sick of the other. by this point i think we also had started up our tour group chat too, someone lumped us together so that we could more easily communicate but most importantly share memes haha. 

it’s happy mishaps like this, these spontaneous adventures, that make tour so fulfilling. on tour, i escape from the draining monotony of my life and am liberated by solely having the obligation to wake up and gig every day. it’s such a freeing feeling. which is why the last stretch and coming home were so, so difficult.

oh, and the drummer never followed up to check if we found a place to stay.

[notwhereiwas]

Why Women Marched Against Trump

 Backstory:

I had spent a bit too much time on social media following the mudslide that is the new Trump administration and a peculiar situation unfurled. A male friend of mine posted a photo meant to critique the Women’s March by using photos of assumed Muslim women being stoned, wearing Hijab’s and being abused in various other manners. The intention of the post (supposedly originally written by a woman) was to discredit the march, with the implication that they had no idea why women marched because American women, come on, we have it so great and we should just be thankful we don’t have the life of a Middle Eastern Woman. 

I decided to reply that I found it interesting that suddenly he had actual feelings for the things the women pictured dealt with, when prior to the march, not a word was said. Then, a friend of my friend then engaged in a conversation with me online. He questioned the things I mentioned, and questioned why I never did anything about the previous assaults, sexual harassment and various other illegal activities that applied to me for the simple fact that I was a woman. 

The following is a transcript of some of the conversation, if you’re so inclined:

Me: I absolutely adore how many posts I'm seeing about males bringing up how women from other countries are suffering...when they gave zero shits about those same oppressed women when zero American women were marching.

 Friend: i am a firm believer in understanding the truth. and the truth is.. that women in america have it great! men in america have it great! black people in america have it great. same with all other races and genders. america is great. and to be blessed with this american life, is ignored and forgotten by many. especially those protesting for the wrong reasons. for example.. the article above shows how american women have it great in america. i volunteered in our military for the sole purpose to serve protect and defend those given rights. so those who protest need to not act like they dont exist because they do in fact exist and are very much real

 Me:Would you kindly tell that to the average 3 women A DAY murdered by their partners in the U.S.? I love that you think we have it great, and by God as my witness we certainly do in so many regards that I'm thankful for, but until you've had a penis inside your vagina against your will, until you are denied told you can't have your tubes tied because "your future husband might want kids", until you walk down the street and are propositioned for blow jobs on a college campus, until you are asked in a job interview if you plan in having children, until you have had a fellow service member comment on your ass while you're trying to qualify (for my nonmilitary people this means shooting guns on a range), until you're asked how you got your promotion besides being on your knees, kindly refrain from trying to explain to me why I shouldn't have the right to protest and tell me how I should do it, not a single arrest was made during the women's march ( not the case on actual inauguration day - as that day WAS NOT a sanctioned " Women's March")..you know very well I love this country as I've dedicated 3 tours to the cause.

 Random Guy: ..until you are denied (and) told you can't have your tubes tied because "your future husband might want kids"....PLEASE cite research into your claims above. The rest of your ramblings are ridiculous as well...but specifically explain yourself about this. As far as no (per your research?) arrests during the March on Saturday, there are thousands that SHOULD have been cited for LITTERING. Also, Madonna should have been locked up immediately.One more thing...if everything you claimed were actually epidemic in our society of today, why is this so? Obama was the President over the past 8 years. Where was he during the above atrocities against women? I'll await your response there.

 Me: Umm those were first hand references...soooo.

 Random Guy: You posted it....soooo....defend your comments.

 Me: I'm confused what I need to defend...please explain it to me

 Random Guy: I can specifically cite laws and regulations against everything you said. Sooo....unless you plan to defend your assertions, you're just a blowhard with a hard-on against men.

 Me: Weird how people don't always follow the law...I happen to love most men but thanks for caring

 Random Guy: Once again, "...until you are denied (and) told you can't have your tubes tied because "your future husband might want kids"....PLEASE cite research into your claims that females can't have their tubes tied because your future husband might want kids.

 Me: Like, you want a blow by blow or should I say thrust by thrust account of my rape?

 Me: It's what my doctor told me, until I found a new one

 Random Guy: I'm sorry for any injustice you've experienced in your lifetime but you don't speak for all women. Your ramblings are indicative of a victim mentality. It's also ILLEGAL for an employer to ask, in an interview, whether the applicant plans to have kids in the future.Any rational and sane person would KNOW that ANY female can get a tubal ligation at any time without anyone denying them.

 Me: I'm not saying every woman feels this way.

 Random Guy: If your Doctor actually told you something like that, why didn't you report him or her? If someone said "nice ass" or otherwise sexually harassed you, why didn't you report him or her? If an employer asked you whether you plan to have kids in the future, why didn't you report them?

 Me: Hmm let's talk about that, during a court marshall I actually did, thanks though

 Random Guy: If this is just the "(Insert my name here,) Victim" story, why not write a book instead of attacking people because of your unfortunate past?

I then replied I had written a book, where he proceeded to tell me he hopes I have a good editor because what I was saying was very unprofessional and inflammatory. I also asked my friend if he felt attacked, but got not response, he was silent thereafter. Rando (as I’ll now refer to random guy of which I won’t release his name) then wished me well and stated he hoped to see me on CNN one day.

The thing is, the conversation and what felt like a personal attack floored me. I had so much to say in reply but it just wouldn’t come out. The blatant denial of facts and cultural context obliterated any sense I had in trying to verbalize any rebuttal. 

I thought about the conversation for days. Was I wrong, was I a thankless ingrate feminazi, brimming with privilege I didn’t even know I had? Was the epidemic of the maltreatment of women in our country skewed by my own experience?

I reached out. I asked women in my own social media circle to share their stories with me. I asked them, if they had ever experienced abuse, why didn’t they “Deal with it,” as suggested by the gentleman I spoke to. Here is one single response I received out of many, some details have been changed for autonomy:

Anyway....if by "dealing with it" at the time it occurs people mean stop it, walk out on it, or something like that, all I can say from my own experience is:  abuse doesn't start with the physical. What my partner did was to undermine me - my intelligence, my abilities to "make it" without him,  and later, my abilities to care for my son. By that time, my self-esteem was completely gone and the physical abuse followed. I knew it was wrong, but I (inexplicably) was convinced by then that I really WAS as stupid and incompetent as he thought I was. He also told me that if I ever left him, he would take our son and I would never see him again. The abuser causes you to question everything: it's gaslighting at its most effective. "He didn't really mean to hit me, did he? It was a mistake. It won't happen again. Besides, he loves me!" And I'll be honest...I was lucky. I had a supportive family who loved me and my child. And yet it happened to me. 

For privacy reasons, I am choosing not to mention the other responses I received. They included rape and molestation but also a resounding tone of shame and guilt from the women who shared. This isn’t anything new, we all know why women don’t speak out, we know the impact of such things, why they don’t “Deal with it,” when it happens. I feel like those who make statements such as they should have been stronger, done something about it, they should just be followed up with, “just being pussies,” because that is the feeling I had from Rando, who, come on, literally called me a Victim, when I was simply stating facts. This guy knew nothing about me, the fact that I did leave, that I did fight, that I did climb out of the burn pits, on a few occasions. This man was ordering me to defend my actions in a cloud of disbelief. He didn’t give credit to those fucking warriors, men and women, who eventually said, “Enough is enough.” 

It boils down to this concept that some people refuse to admit exists. VICTIM BLAMING, when you lead a conversation with the victim about assault with the words, “Why didn’t you...” Sorry not sorry, fuck you and fuck that uncircumcised beast you rode in on. When this phrase is said, it’s implying that outright, it was my/our responsibility to prevent whatever happened to me/us from happening, as opposed to um...people not raping/assaulting/abusing/harassing other people, point blank. I did what I could when I could to alleviate the things that happened, but why should that sole responsibility ride on my shoulders. 

I once posted a comment on Facebook that I regret to this day. I said, something along the lines of, “Well, I don’t go walking down a dark alley waving around a wad of cash, expecting not to get robbed.” This logic is flawed in that yes, people will hurt you...BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT OK, AND THOSE PEOPLE SHOULD BE HELD RESPONSIBLE in such a way as to fear the four horseman if they do decide to sexually assault an unconscious female behind a dumpster. Something tells me Brock Turner serving only a three month jail sentence after committing such an act, will not make people fear their transgressions. Therefore, there’s no reason for the majority of sex offenders to NOT offend, the payoff is worth more than their punishment, if they get one at all. 

Let me be clear here, Rando did state he believed women had every right to protest. His and my friend’s point to me was, women have it great in America and we should be grateful for it. I got it, I won’t argue with that, I grovel to my God every day for the things given to me...to a point. We undeniably have it pretty good, but let me ask, what the actual fuck is wrong with wanting better?

 Rando also told me that instead of marching, the women should have volunteered at shelters or something....For how long Rando, how long should they have volunteered, until the violence miraculously stopped? You’re telling me eventually, if we just keep giving 5 hours a week to a shelter, the abused would stop coming in? Giving aid to victims is most definitely a duty, one that I’ve taken on in the past, but let me be clear, it is a bandaid. Every day more women and children come into the shelters and transitional housing, at least when there’s room. It’s the same with homelessness. Providing shelter and care is a step, but it is not the cure. Cultural change is, and guess what causes cultural change? I’m not going to explain it to you Rando, just maybe, I don’t know, go study the Civil Rights leaders and see how Andrew Goodman, Elizabeth Freeman, Lucy Stone, W.E.B. Du Bois, Harry Hay did it (I’ve got my own reading list on hand now). 

I acknowledge that just protesting doesn’t work for social change (which is what we’re agreeing is needed here right), it takes more than that, legislation, policy change, invention, actual culture change, and surprise, tension and conflict (which come on, the marches obviously did that so don’t tell me they should have done something else)  I also know that planting my ass at a check-in desk at a women’s shelter is not part of the advancement bargain, it is a maintainer and I’m sorry that’s all you want, the maintenance of your own life’s standards. 

 Just because women elsewhere survive far greater things than some of us here, I refuse to sit down, shut up, and ignore that the American Dream isn’t a whisper of a lie. If I were to accept my wonderful fate of living in this nation, no questions asked, no protesting had, I think I might have to ignore some striking statistics.

Fun facts: 

From 2002 to 2012, the number of women killed by intimate partners was 15,462, according to data from James A. Fox, a Northeastern University criminology professor who adjusted federal data for unsolved homicide cases believed to be linked to intimate partners. 

The total deaths from Sept. 11 and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan is a maximum of 9,838 (As of 2013, 147 women were killed since 2001) . It’s lower when we exclude non-American victims on Sept. 11. Weeeird, so you’re telling me more women were killed in America than in those Muslim countries we’re banning because they’re such a threat to domestic security. You’re telling me, as a woman, I’m safer going to war than dating someone? Gotcha’. 

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has found that, on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime. So, Rando, American men could stand to do better as well. 

On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide. 

The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $8.3 billion per year. Rando, THAT’S why I don’t care that protestors didn’t get cited for littering, it wouldn’t have come close to making a dent in that debt. 

Women are more likely to suffer domestic violence than they are cancer, which the rate of cancer for women is considered an epidemic. So yes, Rando, it is an epidemic...as to why women are marching now about it, there is this thing called Take Back the Night, which is an international event and non-profit organization with the mission of ending sexual, relationship, and domestic violence in all forms. Hundreds of events are held in over 30 countries annually. Events often include marches, rallies and vigils intended as a protest and direct action against rape and other forms of sexual, relationship, and domestic violence. In 2001, a group of women who had participated in the earliest Take Back the Night marches, came together to form the Take Back the Night Foundation in support of the events throughout the United States and the world. These events existed during the Obama administration and beyond which, let’s get into that, why weren’t we crying about it when Obama was President. I’m just going to pop in this little link to take care of some of that: https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2014/08/26/fact-sheet-obama-administration-record-women-and-girls

So, it appears the Obama administration took strides in addressing the issue plaguing our nation, though I will not pretend it was enough. So why march now in the millions simply because we now have a President that supposed manhaters can’t stand? Oh I don’t know, it might be because our current President (he who must not be named) has said the following statements about women:

Said that Fox News’ Megyn Kelly had “blood coming out of her wherever“ after she moderated a GOP debate and questioned Trump for having previously labeled women “fat pigs” and “dogs.” (He also retweeted a comment calling Kelly a “bimbo.”)

In reference to Fiorina, Trump took aim at her looks in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine. “Look at that face!” he said. “Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!” Trump then attempted to backpedal, saying he was talking about her persona, not her physical appearance. Now, I’m not sure here, but I don’t believe he mentioned the appearance of any male running mates, I could be wrong here but double check and let me know if I’m wrong.

Trump told USA Today columnist that if his daughter were ever to be sexually harassed at work, he hopes she’d just move on. “I would like to think she would find another career or find another company if that was the case,” he said. As opposed to, oh I don’t know, “I would hope if she felt she needed help in standing up, she would come to me, or other trusted allies to get the piece of shit harassing her kicked out on his/her ass where they belong...you know, change the fucking culture, or if she didn’t want to prosecute, feel safe in knowing I’d support her regardless.” Because again, I couldn’t ask him to demand she “do something about it,” because that is not anyone’s decision but hers.

He tweeted that military sexual assault should basically be expected, what with men and women serving in the military together. This fall, Matt Lauer gave Trump an opportunity to amend his comments in a forum hosted by NBC, but Trump did not. “Well, it is a correct tweet,” he said. Basically, again he chalked it up to the fact that men just can’t help themselves, as opposed to saying something along the lines of...”We have to do better.” 

And my favorite:

I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn't get there, and she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. I'm automatically attracted to beautiful [women]—I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything ... Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything. In this case he could have said...no, nothing else he could have said, he should have just shut the fuck up unless it was to compliment/analyze literally anything other than the physical appearance of a woman.

I’m not even going to get into the rumors of rape charges and pedophilia against the man, because...according to the nation, all those women were “obviously lying,” and I can’t dispute that nonsense, I don’t have the strength.

So, Rando, that might be why women specifically marched a day after this upstanding American Citizen was inaugurated. It’s because, after this man was elected to the most respected position in our nation, I believe it created a foreboding disastrous future for women and even men. When the recording of the pussy statement came out, everyone shrugged their shoulder and said it was lockerroom banter, thereby signaling to American men and everyone else, that this was acceptable language towards our nation’s daughters, mothers, sisters...American Women. Guess what, it’s not. 

So, I guess my last comment to you Rando and everyone else saying that the women didn’t march for them because they were doing just peachy is, you’re lucky.