#but i felt it could go further and....
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When you've already beaten the game so you go around trolling and helping lower-level players...
STORY BELOW THE CUT
After defeating the demon lord, the hero's party split up to continue their life in peace. The slime-folk before us went to her hometown at the edge of the fae forest, where she flaunts her title to boost her ego when she's not getting drunk.
Unfortunately for her, she often finds herself agreeing to a quest without knowing crucial details...
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Yeah not much of a story xD, just wanted to explain the vibes a bit in case it was confusing. I worked really hard on this one, my longest comic lol, and I really like how it turned out, please zoom in on the second pic as tumblr killed the quality for it since its a 3600x3600 picture.
(nearly 17,000 frames in the timelapse of this whole comic!!! deeefinitely my longest by far)
#giant/tiny#g/t#gt community#g/t writing#gt art#giant tiny#size difference#gt#gt fluff#sfw gt#I was really debating just uploading the first picture#It was originally GOING to just be the first pic#just a funny lil pic of a drunk giant stumbling over her words in front of a tiny#but i felt it could go further and....#hey#here it is#giantess#wholesome giantess#gentle gaintess#my art#My writing
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when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this
#rare WIP preview from me#this is in like. 10 episodes. lmfao#its been really hard working this far ahead#my editor isnt giving me any feedback and my friends are very busy so it's felt quite lonely#which is fine! for my friends I mean. but its my editors job to give me feedback...#but the webtoon editors are extremely extremely extremely overworked and my series is set to end so I understand its low priority#its not her fault its webtoons fault. however. its still demotivating...#oh well l m a o#I should be much further ahead ngl LMFAO I want like 12 done but I come back in 2 weeks.#we'll see#when I get really stressed out I go full gamer mode#and usually I'll sink like 60 hours (like 5 days) into a game and then I'm good and move on#but this recent game that grabbed me is. its too much actually#bit uncontrollable ngl I think its an ADHD thing I mostly have just quit playing videogames at all#cause its like yeah being stressed cause theres too much work to do is not going to be helped by losing a week and a half to a game...#and yet.#anyways the game is satisfactory#my friend bought it for me and we've been playing together#and our shared file has. 100 hours on it. and we still havent beaten the game#we're close to beating it and it's not like we're rushing or anything#cause its fun to fuck around and zap eachother or whatever#but it's got me doing math. the exact kind of math I love to do. optimization#and its reminding me yeah in another life id have been an engineer#I'm glad I'm an artist but its always weird like yeah this is easily a path I could have gone down#'artists hate math' speak for yourself doing math calms me down! I love math!#I love math and I love business. I'm almost the perfect artist but I hate advertising so. we can't have it all#anyways theyre so fucking cute its sickening. I love them so much. I could cry#WIP#lineart#time and time again
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Was bored and rereading TPiaG as I sometimes do
And I read a line about the librarian Swadloon in Verdant village having a crush on Kip, and since I don't Think you have any art of that yet, it was too enticing for me to not ask you to please draw something of them. Please?
You’re right that I haven’t drawn anything of her! Everybody meet Elwood! :>
#Elwood is several years older than Kip and thinks she doesn’t have a shot with him as a result.#she was the ugly duckling growing up and has internalized a lot of that perceived undesirableness.#Kip always thought she was super kind AND pretty whenever he stopped by the library. he really liked talking to her.#she’s never expressed interest to Kip in going on a date sometime— and Kip always felt weird about asking her out himself.#I could see her getting visibly disappointed when Twig comes by the library without him and bashfully explaining to Twig why when asked#after which Twig is sending Kip the world’s fastest letter in postage history#(she asked Ark to pretty please get her letter to Kip asap and Ark needed no further convincing to speed across the countryside with it)#the present is a gift au#pmd ocs#pmd oc#pokémon mystery dungeon#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd explorers of sky#pmd explorers#pmd eos#pmd sky#pmd2#pmd#stuff by sofie#sofie answers asks#queued
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Stephanie Brown and Dick Grayson: I Am Going To Be A Good Parent To Pass On The Good Parts Of My Tumultuous Childhood/Give Someone Else What I Didn't Have Growing Up
Vs
Damian Wayne and Cassandra Cain: You Could Not Pay Me To Be A Parent For Fear I Would Continue The Cycle Of Violence
#dc comics#stephanie brown#dick grayson#damian wayne#cassandra cain#ramblings of a lunatic#don't ask me about tim jason or duke idk what's going on there#Tim can't even make it to college unimpeded his ass is NOT entering fatherhood#you could do something really interesting with Jason as a father but it'd either have to go hard into the 'jason healing' route-#-or the complete opposite direction and go full on 'repeating the cycle of violence' fucked up#and either way it's gonna be divisive#i recently found out (bc i skipped batman and the outsiders) that duke's dad is some kind of immortal entity???? what in the fresh hell#I'm not saying it can't be cool I'm saying I'm. so goddman surprised it's never brought up by ANYONE#i know duke doesn't get his flowers in fandom but SERIOUSLY. WHAT?#ngl i can't say for sure that i don't like it bc i haven't seen the execution but. instinctually i prefer his og backstory#it just felt more grounded and linked to his setting? his whole thing is being the light and pushing batmans message further-#which is already hard for some writers to work w bc depending on interpretation that's the territory of like. 5 other guys in batfam#but duke does it in his own way with the whole working the dayshift angle. idk am i the only one hung up on the eldritch daddy thing?#bc i simply can't imagine the thought process behind that#anyway I've been thinking about the bit in robin 2021 where damian says he's never having kids. he's so real for that#he loves both his parents deeply and that series made that clear but MAN he is not passing on all this mental illness to anyone#and then i thought about how badly steph wanted to be a mom even as a teenager despite her own shitty parents#how she wanted to give someone else more than she had growing up (HOPE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A THEME FOR STEPH LISTEN TO ME)#and she ultimately gave her kid up bc she knew she couldn't give that to them at the time#oouughhhh. then i just figured that dick and cass are roughly the same in their estimation of parenthood#cass had a horrifically abusive upbringing and insanely isolated life til recent-#-all of which was due to/contributed by the parental figures in her life minus maybe barbara#i think I'd love to watch cass act as a mentor (she was a bit of a peer mentor to Steph and got along well w maps in Batgirls)#but it's hard to picture her as maternal. big sister yes. mother no.#dick is soooo dad shaped it's unreal. just as much as he is brother shaped. especially after everything with damian
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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Hi! It's me again.
In light of the upcoming Ultimate Black Panther 2024 coming out in Feb, "In the wake of Ultimate Invasion", in which Khonshu and Ra are doing things and then are the bad guys.... I thought it a good theme to explore Moon Knight in alternate universes. ....To which I actually know very little about. But I bet you know stuff!
I've seen Moon Knight explored in things like Arachknight (love that outfit) and alternate timelines where he's imagined in different outfits, but what about in actual Marvel time lines like the Ultimate universe or 2099 (which he is also going to be featured in briefly).
How much has he shown up in those lines and can they even be called Moon Knight or just some guys in a Moon outfit?
Thank you so much for sending this my way, because oh ho ho this is something I'm so excited to answer! :D You hit the nail on the head though in regard to how "Moon Knight" is only sometimes our beloved system of Jake, Marc, and Steven and other times it's more of a title. Interestingly, I've noticed anecdotally that many non-616 continuities choose to invent an entirely new character as opposed to doing an alternate interpretation of our favorite guy. A majority of the time, however, they still maintain key facets of the Moon Knight mantle (devotion to Khonshu, for example, being prevalent). I'll break down the major ones (and some of my favorites) under the cut, because there are some really great ones imo. :D
Ultimates (Earth-1610)
I started here not only because you mentioned it specifically, but also because it's the non-616 continuity with the most Moon Knight material and it's possibly the closest parallel to 616's Moon Knight.
Ultimates Moon Knight appears in Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1/2000), #79-80, #82-85, #107-110 and Ultimate Spider-Man Annual (Vol. 1/2006), #2.
He also makes some cameos in the Ultimate Fantastic Four (Vol. 1/2004), #52-53, Ultimate Origins (Vol. 1/2008), #5, and Cataclysm: The Ultimates' Last Stand (Vol. 1/2014), #5.
Sometimes I just think about this dude, because he's very recognizable as an analogue for 616!Marc Spector, but there are some major differences that receive frustratingly little expansion due to him only being a secondary character guest-appearing in a Spider-Man comic. One difference right off the bat is that it seems in this iteration the Marc and Steven identities are swapped, with Marc being the debonair millionaire frequently used as a cover identity and Steven as the scruffy operator.
[Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1/2000), #83.]
The other big change, in my opinion at least, appears to be an attempt at more purposefully incorporating in and acknowledging the system's DID, whereas 616 pretty notoriously meandered its way through "nah, they're just cover identities" to "he contracted 'multiple identities' after doing those cover identities Too Hard" (???? Yike?) to finally landing on something a bit more understanding and respectful. The success of 1610's attempt at mental health representation probably depends upon your opinion on Brian Michael Bendis as a writer. An honest attempt was made, but it's definitely not free of the now very dated term "multiple identity disorder" or of stereotypes, with one headmate being a little girl and the whole system being threatened by an encroaching "evil" alter developed as a cover identity (which happens to be "Ronin," another wild little element of this universe) and subsequently going off the rails.
[Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1/2000), #108.]
Markedly, I don't recall catching a reference to Khonshu during my read-through of these comics, which is inline with Ultimates' more "grounded" approach to characters, ig. In any case, almost all of 1610!Moon Knight's background is jampacked into a single panel (that consequently frustrates me to no end hahaha):
[Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1/2000), #108.]
While some of this makes sense for Ultimates' whole deal of updating characters (Gulf War vet and Navy SEAL being more relevant to the 2000's than the very 70's background of globe-trotting mercenary selling his services to any insurgency that will pay,,,,although I shall keep my opinions on SEALs to myself asldkfij), from what I recall, however, they NEVER bring up the fact that this guy is a failed super soldier ever again? Nor the Roxxon connection??? But he (or rather Ronin) does drive a bus into Peter Parker's high school, gets domed by Kingpin's goons, survives (naturally), and is quite helpful in the case to take down Kingpin, so there's that. He's also responsible for some of my favorite panels of all time.
[Ultimate Spider-Man (Vol. 1/2000), #80.]
[Ultimate End (Vol. 1/2015), #5]
(technically that last one's from Earth-61610, a fusion of Earth-616 and Earth-1610, but it's the panel I always think about whenever trying to parse out how Ultimates and the main continuity came together hahaha)
2099
The other continuity you mentioned by name and an interesting one because apparently there are multiple continuities associated with "2099." None of them have a "Marc Spector" (may that be because he's resting in peace after dying of old age aslkdfj), but there are some other options. Something that fascinates me though, is that none of these options come from Miguel O'Hara's home continuity of Earth-928 and most of them are women.
Moon Knight of Earth-96943
I did a post on her character here and personally I think she's rather neat. She only really pops up in 2099: Manifest Destiny (Vol. 1/1998), #1, but she beats up opportunistic capitalists on the moon and tells the Watcher what's good, so again, I think she's pretty cool (and I love how all of her speech bubbles have crescent moons).
Tabitha, Moon Knight of Earth-TRN590
[Spider-Man 2099 (Vol. 3/2015), #14]
Otherwise known as Tabby (!), this "2099" Moon Knight actually got to meet Miguel and appears in Spider-Man 2099 (Vol. 3/2015), #14-16 (similarly, I expand upon her character here). She's another case of a character fairly firmly relegated to the "supporting" category, but when she does get some panel time, it's a lot of fun, as she has that pretty classic Peter David wit and a big ol' sword that she uses to exorcise a demon out of Doctor Strange (and subsequently banishes it to the moon).
[Spider-Man 2099 (Vol. 3/2015), #14]
Moon Knight of Earth-2099 (....not to be confused with Earth-928)
[Spider-Man 2099: Exodus (Vol. 1/2022), #3.]
This one is an....exceedingly interesting case, more thoroughly detailed here. After making a one panel reference to the Moon Knight temple guardian of Earth-96943 (and implying she died RIP sounds fake but okay), Spider-Man 2099: Exodus (Vol. 1/2022), #3 and Spider-Man 2099: Exodus Omega (Vol. 1/2022), #1 establishes this new Moon Knight as the leader of a new team of Avengers. But you have to watch out, because this Moon Knight is also just straight up Khonshu animating a corpse.
[Spider-Man 2099: Exodus (Vol. 1/2022), #3.]
Those times when the timeline got kind of screwy (so 616!Marc,,,,kind of????)
There are some instances where 616!Marc got caught up in those kinds of situations where everyone gets thrust into an alternate time line or a timeline that was erased for whatever reason, his involvement in which pretty much solely being due to him being an active Avenger at the time.
House of M (Earth-58163)
Marc is technically in House of M (Vol. 1/2006), #3-7, but he's only there to stand in the background of group shots wearing a fit so generic even I have worn it. BUT, however, it turns out House of M: Avengers (Vol. 1/2008), #1-5 fleshes out his character's background in this reality and explains why he gave up the iconic white threads.
[House of M: Avengers (Vol. 1/2008), #2.]
[House of M: Avengers (Vol. 1/2008), #1.]
[House of M: Avengers (Vol. 1/2008), #5.]
(imo, I mean, look I know it was the 2000's and simple/leather jacket "costumes" were in, but the reason provided was NOT good enough for putting him in the most boring fit possible, but that's just me alskdfj Further note, looks like I uuuuuh missed the House of M: Avengers comics on my initial readthrough so I shall probably loop back around to those some point soon)
Age of Ultron (Earth-61112)
Found in Avengers Assemble (Vol. 2/2012), #14AU and Age of Ultron (Vol. 1/2013), #2, #4-5, the mental health representation isn't always the greatest, but otherwise, there's a lot I'm fond of in these issues. Natasha Romanoff is much more firmly "the main character" with Marc supporting her, but you will definitely get no complaints on that on this here blog. This reality basically boils down to "Natasha and Marc are a criminally underrated duo that could probably destabilize juntas if they chose to do so" and it's great.
[Age of Ultron (Vol. 1/2013), #2.]
[Age of Ultron (Vol. 1/2013), #2.]
Other Continuities (Where Marc Actually Shows Up)
Earth-X (Earth-9997)
This one haunts me???? Because it's one of the earliest examples I can recall of really digging into the irony of a Jewish man serving an Egyptian god as well as artfully discussing that unique tension within Marc of "alive but only just/not really" AND gives Marlene some fascinating development....all within the pages of a special event the plot of which I honestly couldn't explain to you if I tried.
[Universe X (Vol. 1/2000), #6.]
But if you want to check it for yourself (and see if your reading comprehension is better than mine hahaha), this Moon Knight shows up in Universe X (Vol. 1/2000), #0, #6-7, #10-11; Paradise X Special Edition (Vol. 1/2000), #1; Paradise X (Vol. 1/2000), #0 and #11; Paradise X: Devils (Vol. 1/2000), #1; Paradise X: A (Vol. 1/2000), #1; and Paradise X: X (Vol. 1/2000), #1 (and if you're wondering, yes, I did lose a few braincells typing all that out).....but this guy does get a cool color inverse suit!
[Universe X (Vol. 1/2000), #6.]
Battleworld (Earth-51910)
Or at least, I'm pretty sure this is Marc although we only get the last name of Spector. Anyway, amidst the Beyonders’ and Doctor Doom’s shenanigans in Secret Wars Journal (Vol. 1/2015), #1, Spector here lost his faith in "Baroness Khonshu," but at least his design is dope as all get out.
Also, he's a werewolf.
[Secret Wars Journal (Vol. 1/2015), #1.]
Heroes Reborn (Earth-21798)
The "Marc Spector" who is presented in Heroes Reborn (Vol. 2/2021), #5 and #7 as the sort of Hush and Two-Face to Darkhawk's Batman frankly sort of leaves a bad taste in my mouth, as he's straight up described as a "schizo who worshipped the moon" and is generally just a violent criminal who ends up in Ravencroft (...not great in the slightest, all around honestly). Accordingly, the only redeeming quality of this alternate is the DOPE costume he gets when he ends up on this continuity's equivalent of the Dark Avengers.
[Heroes Reborn (Vol. 2/2021), #7.]
Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe Again (Earth-TRN664)
Oh goodness, please don't make me talk about this comic again; thinking about it Hurts Me. Fairly well executed but so incredibly tragic. Mr. Knight is fantastically sympathetic and a brilliant detective and it all ends horribly. If you want to read Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe Again (Vol. 1/2017), #1-3, godspeed.
[Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe Again (Vol. 1/2017), #2.]
Other Moon Knight Variants
These are some honorable mentions that I'll just have to link my posts for, because I unfortunately have pretty much hit the image limit RIP.
Mariama Spector of Earth-818
Battleworld Frank Castle as Moon Knight
And finally, since I loved the phrase you used of "just some guys in a Moon outfit," I present the ultimate "just some guy in a Moon outfit":
Friggin "Moonwing" of Earth-9602
When Moon Knight got the Amalgam comics treatment, he got mashed up with Nightwing of all characters in Bruce Wayne: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Vol. 1/1996), #1, as detailed here. Basically, they just gave Dick Grayson a past in the CIA and DID, leaving the whole moon motif a bit of a mystery.
(Amalgam Comics Trading Cards, #8.)
Naturally, there are some variants I didn't mention here. Moon Knight pops up in quite a few non-616 continuities, but most of the time he's just in the background of large group shots and/or action scenes and doesn't have any lines or contribute anything to the plot. Accordingly, I attempted to include just the iterations with the most material that were expressly from different timelines (which is why I didn't include all of the historical Moon Knights from the 2019 Moon Knight Annual or Moon Knight Ravonna who are also from Earth-616). But yeah! I hope this is of interest to someone out there or at least somewhat vaguely answered your question hahaha thanks again!
#Knight Mail#thank you for your patience as I pulled this together!#it was a lot of fun but as soon as I read your ask I could feel my brain go in a billion different directions#with all the material I wanted to include#you ever dropped a container full of extra bouncy balls on the floor and watched them all scatter?#hahaha that's how my brain felt and it was very exciting#But as always if anyone has any further questions or would like any specific panels/citations please just let me know!#Despite the length of this post I could definitely STILL keep talking about Moon Knight hahaha
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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I had a timeloop dream that feels like it should be fucking me up a lot right now mentally.
#It was. A Lot.#There were some funny bits though I remember showing Carrie an ai generated video in it that made us laugh#There was love all the way through#Anyways I experienced becoming a black hole and becoming a god or something#And I remember a part where the computer I was on (where it all started)#And I think it was a new loop#The computer asked me to take a picture and use one word to make a wish#And I just kept trying to submit the word wife because I missed Maxie...#And it wouldn't take no matter how many times I tried... It'd mirror the image so it couldn't read the word and stuff like that#The whole thing probably counts as a nightmare.#All I wanted was someone with me the entire dream. Every loop it intensified how alone I felt#Less friends could be reach. There was a point where it just kept jumping a loop every time I messaged Maxine.#And she'd get further and further away. First loop would 'oh how strange. you know so much about me'.#Then it'd be a new loop and it kept going until she was saying stuff like 'I thought I blocked you' 'Go Away' 'How do you keep finding me'#And it broke my fucking heart.
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i am so over today i want to go home. and sleep for a week. fuckin ouch
#still thinking about that stupid fucking dog. oh my GOD bro#i don't feel bad at all like 1) don't let ur dog run around outside unattended 2) i CANNOT express enough that on top of#them allowing that. they live DIRECTLY beside a high school. teenagers drive on that road every day.#and your hazard of a dog apparently tries to dart across roads like a fucking squirrel#obviously i feel bad for the baby but like. dude. that could have gone so badly? for her or for me and my bf?#i now have further evidence that im a good driver that doesn't swerve. but i don't wanna fucking hit ur dog either.#so glad she's okay bc that would have been devastating for her owners and they were VERY sweet to us about it#alls well that ends well she's just a little road rashed because i clipped her at 30mph or so. poor thing got pingponged across the road#which is a million times better than going up and over her but still. auugh baby. don't leave ur fucking dogs unattended outside.#9pm at night.#she was Shockingly okay. like she wasn't limping or acting like she was in pain at all even tho she was scratched up. very happy about that#very spooked! very spooked baby she was not happy but she wasn't hurt. like it wouldn't have been my fault but#i would have felt TERRIBLE about it. like sorry i hit the baby but like NINE IN THE EVENING? OUTSIDE DOG? THAT BOLTS ACROSS ROADS?#also for reference she's a big girl which is good for her. a smaller dog would not have been okay.#but big dog vs small car. come on man
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It just all feels more pointless now. I think i lost some of the spirit. I dont know if its temporary or how to get it back
#found myself less passionate about my ocs and their stories and about making them real one day#but not in a good way#its not letting me go of my perfectionism or whatever instead its just like. whats the point. theyre not that good anyways#theyre as in the stories#im increasingly aware of the plot holes and the parts that are kind of held together with string in order to make the plot make sense and--#--im not sure if anyone ever could get as passionate about them as i was?#especially since like. *i* dont feel as passionate abt them as i said.#my main baby my main oc project that i cherished and hoped to make real in some way now feels like i should keep it private.#the other one that i was hoping to make into my first long term project remains unfinished plot-wise and i dont feel motivated to work--#--on it further#the one that i think has an alright plot that i could share is just kinda in the bg#and also i always felt like i was good at like...symbolism...metaphors...parallels...this kinda stuff#i felt like my stories were something you could dig into#now it feels like i overestimated them#and theyre actually painfully simple and just. idk. feels like theyre not that good#maybe its because i recently didnt have time to work on them?#and fell into a fandom that has a painfully not-deep story where i also often feel like other ppl in the community dont want me there#maybe i gotta get away from that lol#but it doesnt feel like its gonna help. idk what will.#all of this isnt giving me any relief its just making me feel empty and like i thought too greatly of myself#bcs i still want to Make things and stories and now i just feel like im lacking at that??
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I'm just kinda thinking over what could it been had things gone just. Just every so slightly better
Had some fundamentals been challenged further
Had the right words be spoken
Had they didn't go all in
It's just so sad, because I ultimately do see them working on the right scenarios, but they're all just...fantasy, a fleeting dream, the unreachable
Oughhhh I love them so much. They're so doomed
#perceptive little crow#this is about teopeka btw#i just listened to something good can work and it was like 'man. this would've been the ideal'#because YES i do believe the first phase of their relationship was full of hope for the future for both ends#peka just found himself on a new world that seemed detached from the previous. he could start anew#tbh tho teo simply followed out of pity and a bit of hopelessness. I wouldn't be surprised if her life was just kinda shaking a couple days-#before she met peka. and after seeing what he was capable of she kinda just....relaxed. knowing it may go well after all#it was a gamble she took. but damn did it pay off. and she gets to enjoy the benefits for a fair amount too#then The Incident happened#then a new department that was the opposite of what she advocate for formed on the company she wanted to create#then she started being pushed more and more on administrative/executive roles and was basically out of the field#then she felt disconnected of her world. her passion. her people#no place to go to no shoulder to land on. she wasn't alone she just....was a deeply lonely woman at the end#sorry. im not even sure if this actually fits the direction I'd like her to go to on my au/fanfic. but ig it fits#anyways. maybe had stuff gone differently she would've enjoyed the benefits all the way through#she maybe could've had both sides of the cake#who knows#it's just kinda interesting to think about the gambles she took went it came to hlev/peka. both on moments of desperation/loneliness#both the same weird ass guy that she saw at first and went 'what the fuck is his deal'#both just...so endearing she can't help but love them#maybe she needs them as much as they need her#maybe any and all their relationships never were meant to last#but that's kinda dooming it further and honestly I'd like to see a happy ending (where i get to be with my crush x3!!!!!!)#so I'll leave one side to rot and the other to bloom. easy.#sorry im rambling too much now. night night
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also are diego and gael's lung capacity during the naked race pretty standard bc.....
#i can only do like 10 feet rip.#i think i was able to go further before covid oh its bad#txtpost#i've forgotten how to not lose air longer bc i havent swam regularly in so long i need to go baaaack#i remember that magical moment when i felt like i could breathe breathe when the belly hits the pool floor??? or did i imagine that 😭#i should google
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i do often lament the bullshittery i got up to and ran my mouth about when i was deep deep in the comphet trenches (bc incredibly i struggled more w comphet AFTER i came out and even well into my current relationship - im just now untangling so much of it) but god at the very fucking least, at LEAST, thank GOD i never forgot my man hating roots. even at my WORST i was not harping on about how evil dykes and lesbians are for hating men.
#i will probably always struggle with it a little bit bc even in a relationship with a woman (that im MARRYING) it took like#years and years of self hatred and preemptive defeat finally being unwound after realising i could like#be a butch woman and not have kids and not ever date or sleep with cishet men. ever. i could actually marry someone i loved#i wasnt doomed. i had a whole life ahead of me that i could live with someone who made me happy rather than what was expected of me#bc its crazy even though i knew i liked women it felt like id always end up with a (cis) man whether i liked it or not#i never really took anything seriously bc it felt like i wasnt allowed or supposed to#i spent years and years over performing femininity trying to make the self hatred go away wondering why i never felt Right#why it felt like i was dying inside. and it makes me wanna scream because i wish i could tell past me that its okay#i dont think ive ever properly articulated how it felt but it was so suffocating and then being pushed further into like#fighting tooth and nail to even have a foothold in my own community bc i was seen as lesser for my bisexuality#made it so much harder to unpack those complicated feelings around my sexuality. bc i was fighting so hard to feel#like i was allowed to have and celebrate that in my own community bc god knows i dont feel at home with cishets#txt
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There was a small fire in the building I live in a few days ago and it’s weird how like. You never think a fire will happen to you. Or that one could just sneak up on you (especially if you do not live in a place that gets wildfires like I do) and then your neighbors are running around yelling “FIRE FIRE” and you take a peek out your door and the emergency lights are on and it smells like smoke and you can see smoke and you go oh FUCK they mean a FIRE fire
#it was fine it was a defective washing machine and the fire department put it out before it spread any further than that#but damn like I didn’t know that! I took my dog and a handful of important things and RAN out#I was holding my shoes in my hand I didn’t even take the time to put them on#and then it felt silly when I could go back inside and it’s like alright now time to haul my big ass art portfolio and laptop and medication#back in because I was the silly one thinking I was about to lose my house 😭#but you know it’s crazy it was like the shit they prepared me for in elementary school was HAPPENING you know??
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messy redesign of a character i made when i was ten
#she's half human half dragon#the old writing and art that accompanies her was clearly made by a ten year old#that's not really a bad thing#i just felt like a half dragon character could go further than “human with wings”#she's got digitigrade legs and a tail too#but that sketch was utterly incomprehensible to outside eyes#excuse the skimpy tank i wanted to show her chest scales a bit
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Help girl I’m doing it again (thinking about 2019-2020 until my tummy hurts)
#sometimes im fine and other times i get hit by a crippling wave of nostalgia :)))#charles's early years at ferrari and his meteoric rise and the online shift in response to that and the character study fics#everything to do with seb and charles and how that developed and ebbed and flowed and the massive media coverage of this new big rivalry#the way everyone was gearing up for a continuation of that in 2020 but then the pandemic happened#the insanity of the twitch era in the wake of the lockdowns and the emotional turmoil of seb's announced departure#the condensed 6 month season that somehow felt like it went on forever and was simultaneously far too short esp knowing what's coming#and just....the way things were in the online community at the time?? all that creativity and brainstorming and sense of togetherness#im aware im probably romanticizing it a lot but ironically the further away we get from those times the more i miss them ig??#we've had some good times since obviously but idk it feels like the zeitgeist of that time can't be replicated & a part of me feels so sad#idk this isnt making any sense but sometimes i'll see a photo or gifset or clip or whatever and think only a time machine could fix me#i need to go touch some grass 😭
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