#but i end up working insanely long hours on them and im all consumed and my body hurts

[if-one-of-us-falls]

surely this will not end in burnout 🤡

[saltyr3mix]

EVERYONE ELSE GO HOME YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD FOR THE NEXT HOW EVER LONG THIS TAKES YOU TO READ. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS.

Ladies, gents, all of the above below and in between here is my rambles about new life sparrow because he has infested my mind like the skulk that infests him.

OK WERE DO I EVEN BEGIN WITH THIS GUY

Okokokokookokooo SO

We love a flawed character who has good intentions and a not so good way of showing them. he comes off as over enthusiastic and insensitive at first with his studies of hybrids. which is....just a tad bit relatable as someone often seen as energetic i can be too much for people at times so i get it.

Also everyone that drew the parallels between the way Sparrow talks about hybrids and O!Owen talked about demons is correct. it's terrifying. and if sparrow ever goes down that arc i will write incredibly angsty fanfiction about it and cry.

If you haven't already im going to point anyone reading this in the direction of my New life smp fic, Storming sacrifices on ao3 by Salty_R3mix cause thats where a lot of this next part comes from.

i head cannon that on New life when players die/switch hybrids they have to fall into a coma like state to do so and it takes time in between those shifts. Sparrow is on the longer side of these shifts for the more drastic the change the longer. to go from human to machine and then machine to skulk. thats like a solid month or two of their body just reforming and recreating. both times.

ALSO THE MOST RELATABLE THING ABOUT HIM.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE HUMAN.

WHICH IS JUST SO SAME BESTIE LIKE IF I LIVED IN A WORLD WHERE PEOPLE GET COOL TRAITS AND MAGICAL POWERS AND I WAS JUST BORING? YEAH I WOULD STUDY THEM AND TRY TO BE ONE TO! BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME MY LOVE FOR FANTASY AND MAGIC ISN'T ALREADY BASED OFF THE NEED TO ESCAPE THE REAL WORLD BECAUSE IT SUCKS AND ITS BORING ANDGHYKULKNBVGVUKL

Anyway hes also insane. like, i get it. but also you could have found a away to make the process less painful im sure. hes smart. but his egarness got the best of him.

Anyway one of my favorite things to think about and debate is the 'chip' in his head. cause to me and my messed up little mind that has read well over at least 20 hours worth of sbi hybrid fanfiction in the summer of 2022. to me that just sounds like instinct. hot take but i don't think it was that big of a deal. what was wrong with the situation was prior to becoming a copper golem, Sparrow was human. if any other hybrid became a copper golem. they would be a lot less bothered by it. Sparrow was not used to that sheer level of inhumane instinct that it overwhelmed him and he just let it. t Not knowing what else to do. until eventually getting so lost and consumed by it that he had to you know....blend himself.

I miss him though. i like robots. and he was so fun to draw. i draw him all the time. just because the design i made for him is one of my favorite things ever.

OH AND SKULK SPARROW. THIS MAN. HE IS SO MESSED UP. THE NARRATIVE CAME CRASHING DOWN IN FRONT OF HIM AND SCREAMED THAT HE IS DOOMED.

I haven't seen a character so demised by the narrative that wasn't my own since outsiders Apo and maybeeeeeeee Celio form wtd. beside the point.

He is so overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time its iconic. one seconded hes lonely after copper literally abandoned any former relationships. the next he can hear things through the skulk. but then he brings a guy down. kills him. decides to build a gate. AGAIN. WE KNOW HOW THIS ENDED LAST TIME OWEN. WHEN HAVE GATES EVER WORKED IN YOUR FAVOR. i think it's just a cannon event for them at this point. Owen with gates and Apo with levers. (GUYS IM JOKING HERE. DON'T CARY THIS CURSE INTO PIRATES PLEASE LET THEM BE HAPPY FOR ONCE)

Ok yeah. Im really excited to watch skulk and other versions of sparrow later realize that no matter what monstrosity he ends up as. he'll never be as free as he was human again. Every hybrid comes with their own form of instinct that he will be forced to follow. some lighter than others. and hell, even if he does end up as human again the effects are still there forever lingering.

ALSO I AM HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH THE 'Wait? His name is sparrow but he still answers to Owen. this clearly must have lore implications.' PEOPLE. To anyone who has ever had that thought you are the best. i've read i think 3? fics based of it and oh my word im obsessed with that idea and the different takes on it.

and here is where i come to a close. do i have more to say? probably. but my hands hurt and my thoughts are slowing in pace so if you want more feel free to ask id be overjoyed but ask another day. i mean i didn't even touch on his interactions with the other players.

i am so clearly sane and stable about this character btw. i don't know what made you think otherwise.

[prettysweetprettysweet]

guys. i've got something to tell you and it's so important....it's so important. but first a recap:

- news that mileapo are coming to Paris, arriving at the same time as @fulltimehabibti and i. ranya texts me the news, all of a sudden i, who has not thought about kinnporsche in a good long while, am utterly consumed by the idea of seeing them with my own eyeballs and confirming they are real human beings. my thoughts return to this constantly throughout the day. i do not want to speak to them or have them notice me! i just want to perceive them.

- our hotel is right next to the Dior Gallery and mileapo are here for the Dior show. the next day, we tap out of our day for a tiny 30 minute break, walking past the Dior Gallery to our hotel. we discover on our way back out that mileapo had been posing with fans only 7 minutes prior at the exact location that we were standing when we discovered this.

- ranya goes to the Dior show and sees them, takes great videos and photos. I literally could not go because of work deadlines. i think, perhaps having reached a neutral point, that there might be another opportunity soon but probably the universe has orchestrated a series of misses to humble me.

- I discover that I had booked our Louvre tickets for the wrong day. we can no longer go for our late evening ticket. during the exact window we were meant to be at the Louvre, mileapo end up there. i am heartbroken but i've made peace with the fact that i won't see them and i'm just glad Ranya got to see them

-today. we are all over, the Rodin museum, pointedly to a few stores looking for certain items, we end up walking by the Galeries Lafayette. ranya asks 'have you ever gone in?' and sort of with a light where-the-wind-takes-us attitude ('yeah lets go in im in the mood to look at stuff') we wander into the galleries and spend about an hour perusing the floors when ranya asks, 'do you want to get bubble tea at this shop?' we head leisurely to the nearest exit.

-we walk out one of the exit doors and me and ranya see him at the same time. i am thrown off because he looks so different in person but i know something is happening. stopped dead in our tracks, ranya says two words: 'that's pond.'

-literally dead in our tracks. we are four feet away from pond who has just stepped out of a van and is waiting patiently. we know something is about to happen and we don't move. mile and apo quickly pile out of the van with huge smiles on their faces. for about a minute they collect themselves, turn, and walk right past us to enter the gallery. five feet away from us, no one in between us. we were not noticed.

a city of 2 million people, an area of 104 km, a full day of activities and our steady stream of minute decisions led entirely by ranya's instincts thoughts and questions, brings us straight to the feet of mile and apo. the probability of that happening is absolutely insane. the previous misses, the way we (mostly me) were obsessing about it, the absolute perfect timing, exiting through that door, us noticing pond despite the hundreds of bodies around us.

i snapped a photo as they walked away bc i couldn't live with myself if i didn't have proof that this insane luck befell ranya who is blessed and god's favorite (i entertain no delusions that i had any hand in this, if anything i was a disability her guardian spirits had to work around).

as i told ranya, i believe in god now. also, this moment was so perfect and absolute that i think im immune to celebrity culture now. i could see al pacino on the streets tomorrow and i wouldn't be phased. i think i also might be ready to die

[tomsrebeleyebrow]

scream in italian | th x fem!reader

⚠️ Looks like the tads are broken again…? 😤 UGH 😡🤬 Soooo please, be kind and reblog my works to support me, this will make me really happy 💞⚠️

anonymous asked: Hey, I see u take requests ... so I was wondering if you could write something fluff/smut with tom x foreign!student!reader, like she is from Italy and came to London to study (they have been together since they've first met) she is good at speaking English and all, but sometimes she can't express herself and gets frustrated and she hates when it happens but He thinks it's sexy and it all turns into a very romantic but smutty situation😉 (i really hope it makes sense, if you can't it's ok )

A/N: as being half french half italian, this request was for sure made for me also because i can totally relate to that 😂😂😂 oh and italian is HOT, even when spoke angrily 🤤😉 so, dear nonnie, thank you so much for this. i love you and if you’re italian, i’ll love you even more 💚🤍❤️ also thanks for revealing to the world another kink of mine, jeeeez 😂🙈

‘Stay safe, Cheer up’ blurb event

NSFW CONTENT BELOW, SO BEWARE!

(In this, Reader is a 3D/visual effect assistant still in college)

"Can you believe this!”

The sound of your voice soon followed by the door slamming loudly made Tom jump with surprise. He was currently laying on the couch of the living room, laptop turned on to answer some emails that he had been stuck with for a few days now. But when he heard the noticeable anger in your words, he knew you were really mad, which was quite rare actually.  

“Almost telling me I’m wasting time because I spent way too much hours on the project, only because I put extra attention on details?!”

As Tom closed his laptop, placing it on the coffee table, as your steps stomping closer echoed in the entire house. He didn’t have the time to stand that you just barged in the living room, your jacket, shoes and college bags long gone (probably thrown near the entrance), your face definitely not hiding your actual state.

“Babe, what’s going-”

“That damn teacher” you cut him off without even thinking twice, while opening the fridge to grab something to drink. “Saying ‘you know, nowadays time’s o-only money so do what you’re ask for a-and take the money’!! T-That- that-!!”

Now you were fuming, face all red and almost vapor coming out your ears like a cartoon character. So much angry you began stuttering on some words before completely losing it… and just started speaking in your native language. Italian.

“Che imbecille finito! Sono quella che non chiudeva l’occhio della notte perché mi piace il mio lavoro! Dunque se ho deciso di affinare i dettagli, è il mio problema e non il suo!! E in fin’ dei conti, sono contenta del mio lavoro e del risultato finale, e sarò fiera di poter venderlo a dei ricchi produttori!! Non me ne importa una sega!!” (= “What a damn idiot! I’m the one who haven’t sleep for many nights because I freaking love my job! So if I decided to perfect any details, that’s my own problem and not his!! And in the end I will be happy of the final result of my work, and also proud to be able to sell it to some rich-ass producers!! I don’t fucking care!!”)

You didn’t know for how long you kept going on like that, complaining about your day to Tom but mostly screaming at your soda can, but you definitely let everything out of your chest. And now you were finally better.

But what you didn’t notice until now was Tom standing behind you.

“Say that again” his raspy voice brushed your ear and made you jump, not expecting him to be that close to you.

“Say what again?” you asked, a bit confused while turning towards your boyfriend.

He was indeed close, towering over your frame and staring deeply at you. His hands came to rest on the kitchen counter behind you, caging you with his entire body. You knew that look in his eyes but were still troubled by his request.

“All that gibberish you just said in Italian” Tom stated, his eyes never leaving yours for a second. “Say that again.”

Then the brunette began covering every inch of your face with delicate but sensual kisses, his hands now making their way to your hips to massage them.

“But Tom, you can’t understand a single italian word!” you chuckled at his attitude, letting him continue his rush of tenderness. “Well, apart from pizza and lasagna of course.”

It made Tom laugh against your cheek, as you felt him bring your body closer to him little by little to now being completely pressed against him.

“I love when you speak Italian” he mumbled, popping another kiss on your cheek while squeezing your hips. “... even more when you’re angry, that’s fucking hot and sexy.”

His statement actually made you blush, as Tom also started to nibble your earlobe before you felt him getting excited down there. Not able to resist him any longer your hands slid on his shoulders, nails slightly pressing onto the fabric of his shirt while pushing your hips against his, which made him growl.

“Never thought about bringing that hot accent in the bedroom?”

“Well, we can do it now…”

And you didn’t need to ask Tom twice because now, your brunette lover was pounding into you on the kitchen island.

“A-Ah! Più forte, Tom! O-Oh dio!!” (= “Harder, Tom! O-Oh God!!) you whimpered while arching your back, moaning your lover’s name over and over again.

With a smirk on his face, Tom lifted your hips up with his movement as he eased away before slamming back inside you, not slowing down a single time. He continued to thrust as deeply as he could into your core, the girth of his cock rubbing against your pulsating folds in the most pleasurable way that was making you lose your mind.

“Fuck, keep going baby… s-shit, you squeeze around me like crazy” Tom groans, leaning down more onto you as he continued to move his hips, placing his lips against your neck to sink his teeth slightly into your flesh.

“A-Ancora! O-oh- mi fai impazzire!!” (= “A-Again! O-oh- you make me go insane!!”)

The way you trembled beneath him was the most erotic sight he'd ever beheld.

“A-Amore mio, più veloce! Ti prego!!” (= B-Baby, faster! Please!!”)

And before you could form any more thoughts, his hands glided to the bottom of your ass before meeting your eyes with an animalistic gleam. Your cheeks got so much redder but the moment Tom started to slam your ass onto him to meet with his every thrust, an incredible tight knot consumed the pit of your stomach.

With a final mewl of complete pleasure an euphoric orgasm invaded your body, blurring your vision as your folds completely convulsed against his cock, gripping him in such a tight way that Tom actually moaned your name, before pulling away, stroking his cock a few times to release his cum all over your stomach. Your bodies feels so hot and sweaty because you were both still partially dressed.

After you caught your breath again and also cleaned, Tom carried you on the couch where he just dropped on it with you, making you laugh as you simply laid there into each other’s arms.

“Mind giving me some Italian lessons so next time, I’d actually know what you’re screaming when we mess around?”

“I think I can plan private lessons in my agenda for you, Holland...”

🏷 Permanent tag list & mutuals 💖 (get notified)

@allegra-writes @tom-holland-is-spiderman @detroitbydark @blissfulparker @farfromhaz @xxtomxo @worldoftom @charismas-world  @stiles-banshees @americaxo17 @zabdisamor @princezzariel @bookworm06 @thatweirdomimic @juliebean247 @harryhollandwhore @spiderbibby @mendes-marvel @himynameishooman @bookworm06 @flowerboyparker @miraclesoflove @eridanuswave @jillanaholland @mendes-marvel @biebsmylife95​ @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @tsh-darling​ @popbubblegumpop​ @fanficscuziranout​ @beiroviski​ @langdonlovey​ @markleehee​ @riverxholland​ @tomhoran​ @itseightbeats​ @xxrebelswithoutacausexx​ @rubberducky-jrr​ @howdyherron​ @jacobsppsleeve @lovewolfspirit​ @saysomethingspiderman​ @yoongi-holland @quaksonhehe​ @the-crazy-fanfictionist​ @alaeddis​ @lyzalovealk​ @sovereignparker​ @lmaotshollandd​ @howdyherron​ @t-monosapiens-h​

[sanstropfremir]

I absolutely LOVED reading your kingdom review. You gave me such an insight in things I never even considered, especially since our rankings are so different from each other. The Boyz was my favorite, the narrative was about RTK. How they felt bad for having to compete against their friends but eventually the groups only lifted each other up and it helped TBZ grow into the group they are now through the hardships and mental dilemma, falling into the next challenge right after they reached the top. It should have been more obvious though, I agree, it wasn't really visible for anyone who didn't know. I was wondering how you felt about the dancing in general? my reason for not ranking BTOB high was lack of choreo (and Peniel's verse), same goes for SF9. Mostly because I don't feel the hype when watching, it doesn't keep my focus on the stage. As a baby-performer myself, my goal is to make the viewer curious about what's next. is that the wrong way to look at it? that's what I've always been told, building the tension up and down to create focus. would love to hear your feedback on that! thank you so much for sharing, we need more reviews of people who actually know what they're talking about.

i'm glad that you got some insight from it! like i answered in the previous ask im here to hopefully bring some more depth and understanding for people that care and are curious!

you unintentionally proved my point about tbz’s performance: that is way too complicated! even the most talented solo dancers i can think of would have trouble distilling that down to something readable in 100 seconds, much less a group of like, a dozen people! the introductory stages are meant to show us the character of the group and their abilities in the most concise way possible, it's not the stage to do deep philosophical and emotional introspection. for a full stage? absolutely, go hog wild! but for this stage it was too ambitious and ultimately was ineffective to anyone that isn't a fan of them specifically. 

by dancing in general do you mean like, every group? i put most of my opinions on the dancing where i had them in each of the individual rankings but honestly? unless there is something that really stands out positively or negatively, a lot of ‘average’ kpop dance looks the same to me. i know it’s not, obviously, and if pressed i probably could do a more serious breakdown, but dance is only one element of performance. it has equal weight with all the others in my mind, and therefore i notice when it is either 

very good

does something unique

very bad, or

interferes with another element

which is the same as how i evaluate every element, if that makes sense. 

hmmmm. i thought about this a lot in the shower and turns out i had more opinions that i expected so i'll put them under a cut.

firstly, i don't think lack of choreo should be penalized or considered an ‘incomplete’ performance. at the end of the day, these are bands, and a part of their brand/product they sell is the music. complex choreo does not need to be attached to that to make it a successful performance. also, btob did have choreo. any movement on stage is technically choreography. but this terminology can cause confusion so usually non-dance choreo is referred to as ‘blocking.’ but they also did include the song’s original point choreo at 1.41. the blocking in their performance was well thought out and suited the arrangement, by placing spatial emphasis on each part of the song that needed it. obviously it comes down to personal taste if the performance is ultimately ‘successful,’ because all art is subjective, but just because something isn't as visually complex as something else doesn’t mean it doesn't have the same level of thought. think of it like this: one is a super clean-lined post-post-modern grey/white living room, and the other is a kitsch goth basement. both share interior design principles and have obvious care put into the space, but they are vastly different styles that appeal to different tastes.

part of the job of production designer/AD is to decide what gets emphasis. a question you're always asking yourself is ‘is this important to the story that we’re trying to tell?’ and btob/their AD made a very smart choice with their introductory stage because it says a lot about them and their abilities in a short amount of time. that stage said ‘our foundation is strong, we have the training and experience and confidence to be up here and not rely on visual tricks.’ because they know they physically cannot do the things the 4th gen groups can; they're a decade older and they only have four members, it's just not feasible. something you learn with experience is the power that specific and pointed emphasis holds, which segues into my answer to your last question. i don't necessarily think that ‘building hype’ is the wrong way to perform something, but i do think it is a flawed way to approach creating a performance.

i think that ‘hype’ is flawed concept at its core, and one that focuses on the idea that there’s always being something more, something next, beyond the work itself. now there’s nothing wrong with playing with tension within the internal structure of a piece, that's exactly how constructing a narrative happens. however, the flaws come once we extrapolate beyond the boundaries of that individual work. the idea of ‘whats next’ implies that you have to constantly be promoting, have a sequel coming, building hype etc so people will keep engaged with your work. which is deeply capitalistic in nature and operates on the assumption that art exists purely as a product to be sold. and in order to keep selling you need to keep making a bigger and better and more spectacular product. and this is not the case at all. marketability is not the essence of art, it merely a factor of creating it under this insufferable system. kpop in particular suffers from this because the industry is specifically fabricated to produce capitol. we can have discussions all day about idols and their artistic integrity but at the end of that day, they are all cogs working with a system that was specifically made up by essentially one person to be culturally exported and to just print buckets of money. so in following that train of thought, there is a constant attitude of bigger and better because shock value (whether positive or negative) gets social media attention and therefore it sells. and it has become exponentially easier (and also seemingly required) to make things that are bigger and better than ever before. i remember being blown away by the projection floor at the sochi 2014 olympics because something of that scale and complexity would never have been possible without literally having the funding of the olympics. now that technology is easily accessible to anyone with an amazon account and the time to learn how isadora works. in comparison, it took 2400 YEARS for just the job of a ‘theatre designer’ to be even become a job at all.

because of kpop’s fan culture it is especially prone to ‘hype’ behaviour. in general with the accessibility of the internet and social media, everything has turned into a competition, and who can generate the most buzz ‘wins’. but ultimately that has taken away the general public’s ability to recognize that you can enjoy something quietly and you can enjoy something slowly. that the enjoyment of something doesn’t need to be all exclamation marks and keysmashes and trending hashtags on twitter. there is value in a work engaging in an emotion within you that is not just excitement. most of the artists and companies that i consume the work of i don’t do so because their work makes me excited, i do so because i liked the experience of engaging with that work. several years ago i saw the eternal tides by legend lin dance theatre, which you can watch a really short clip of here. that is not slow motion, that is actually how slow the dancers are moving. and 90% of the show is performed like that. and its two hours long. and it was one of the most incredible performances i've ever seen. if i ever get the chance I will go see another one of their shows again, not because i care about how they can top that experience i had, but because i know they can produce that experience, and that is enough to make me want to seek them out again. the speed of the internet has also loosened the general public’s understanding of just exactly how long creating a performance work can take. the lead dancer in the eternal tides was with the company for eight years before she and the piece were ready enough to be performed. large scale operas, musicals, and plays often have a year or more of pre-production before they even get to rehearsal. smaller theatre companies workshop new pieces for years at a time. performance is hard and it takes time. you can eliminate some of that with sheer amounts of money and people, which is what the kpop industry has done, but it speeds up the cycle of consumption to a degree that is not sustainable, especially for companies and creators who do not have that kind of access. performers and performance makers often don't put enough trust in their audiences. if they like what they see, they will come back. they dont need to be constantly bombarded with content at all times.

now that i’ve said a bit about why i think hype is a flawed concept, let's bring it back to kingdom. sf9 did something very interesting with their stage in that they actively chose to limit their dance time. and this plays very well off the performance film stage that taeyang did a couple of weeks ago. taeyang is talented and confident (for good reason), and his solo was incredible. but when it came to the intro stage, instead of trying to one-up the solo stage, the group instead said ‘well people are going to be looking at us because taeyang is insanely talented, so let's show them that we ALL have the confidence and the attitude to be up here.’ no need for flashy theatrics, they had the foresight to do something that would make them stand out from the rest of the groups. even if i was just casually watching the stages without doing any analysis on them (like i did for rtk), i would still be able to distinguish them because they had the stones to stand around for half their stage time. now i recognize them and would like to see what else they can do. same principle as what btob and also what ikon did. there is a fine line between anticipation and hype that gets equated in media consumption nowadays, but the two are not the same.

i think the tldr on this is that you dont need to ‘build hype’ or ‘go all out’ to make an interesting work. just focus on telling the narrative that you want to tell, and the people that recognize that will come. i could have a lot more things to say about peoples shrinking attention spans and the constant stream of information that we consume on a daily basis that devalues the labour done by artists in the eyes of the public and promotes hustle culture that is burning out and damaging creators at a rate that is both exponential and frightening, but that’s probably for another time, because this is SO LONG

[saranghater]

boyfriend!seokjin au

genre: fluff

word count: 919

a/n: that’s right im BACK!! also is it really an au if it’s basically seokjin still being an idol except he’s dating you (+ also in this scenario you are multilingual)

dating an idol is hard, but dating an idol who’s in a group as insanely popular as BTS is even harder

prior to dating seokjin, you were a bit of an army

by “a bit”, i mean that you had a fan account with quite a number of online friends

but you’ve also been an army long enough to know that you don’t need to dedicate your whole life to them, and you can enjoy it privately or with some online friends

in true namjoon fashion, you picked up korean from consuming korean content, some self studying and even a class or two in your spare time

when you get the opportunity to temporarily move to korea for work, you take it up without hesitation, because why the hell not?

funnily enough, you meet seokjin by coincidence, because you’re both always at the same café

you notice it’s seokjin sitting in the corner of the café almost instantly, but you keep that information to yourself because it’s nice enough seeing him in person on a weekly basis (even if it’s from afar)

your interactions build up over the course of three months, beginning with borrowing chargers from each other, to noticing you’re watching the same show on netflix, to actually being friends

at some point, jin does actually ask if you know who he is, and you obviously reply yes

he exchanges contact information with you, using kakaotalk because he’s wary of sharing his number with a stranger

he officially asks you out after a couple of months of chatting and meeting up occasionally, and saying yes to him was one of the best decisions you ever made

dating seokjin is an experience unlike any other

he can be quite immature, especially because he’s always around 6 other people who are younger than he is

but in your relationship, you get to see the mature side of him, especially when you have arguments or tiffs

seokjin loves being in the domestic sphere with you

he’ll buy you matching pajamas and mugs

waking up with him is one of the best feelings, because on lazy days, you can lie in bed for awhile and enjoy being close to each other

but eventually, you’ll gravitate towards the kitchen and cook breakfast (or brunch, if it’s late enough)

seokjin has a habit of wanting your affirmation or praise when it comes to things like his cooking

“does this taste good?”

“i did a good job, didn’t i?”

initially, you’re a little unused to him being so enthusiastic about your response

but you soon start to adore the way his eyes light up, and the way he lets out a loud HA! when you praise him for a job well done

the way seokjin introduces you to the boys was,,,entertaining to say the least

“NAMJOON, YOU’VE GOT A NEW BEST FRIEND NOW. GUESS WHO CAN SPEAK ENGLISH TOO?”

why oh why did he introduce you like some sort of english tutor?

from that point on, you actually do end up helping seokjin and a few other members translate statements or helping namjoon double check some things

the other members become accustomed to your presence, especially during periods where they’re all staying in the dorms, because you’ll always pop by to drop off some home cooked food

“ramyeon is NOT healthy, and you guys really shouldn’t be eating it so much”

“but eating ramyeon is an expression of korean culture!”

you eventually have to learn how to cook korean food because all 7 of them can hardly go a day without at least one korean meal

inevitably, both your schedules become busy, especially when he’s on tour, or when your own work becomes demanding

“i finally have a free day after practicing daily, why can’t we spend the day together?”

“jin, i have work too, you know. i’ll see you when i get home.”

the fact that it feels like there’s not enough hours in a day to meet one another results in a fair amount of arguments

at some point, you both grow and learn to manage your time better, and also to appreciate the moments you get to be with each other

you’re acutely aware of the fact that you’re dating a man whose nickname is “Worldwide Handsome”, and even though seokjin never makes you feel anything but beautiful, it’s hard because it feels like you’re not good enough

this insecurity is the kind that may build up into resentment or envy, so you bring it up to him one night when you’re in bed together

“i don’t want to ruin the mood or anything, but sometimes i feel like i:m not good enough for you. like people will look at us and wonder how someone who looks like me could possibly be dating someone as attractive as you. not that anybody has said anything,,, i guess this is kind of my personal problem to deal with,,, sorry for bringing it up.”

after a short silence, jin speaks, “i feel like i’m not good enough for you sometimes. because i’m always away and busy, and you deserve more. i think you’re one of the most beautiful people on this planet, because you’re beautiful inside and out.”

that night, you both stay up to talk about your insecurities, and it changes the way you see your relationship

the two of you may have faults or insecurities, but you each push the other to become better, and that’s what makes your relationship so special

[chaniters]

Crisis Control

The second part of the new series with @kruk-art‘s Awan!

 Anathema visits Awan! 

Spoilers ahead!

______________________________

The tweezers slide off your hand at the last moment, and you can smell the burnt electronics as the device dies once more.

“Shit!” you say slamming your fist against the wall.

It’s your third attempt, and it ended up just like the first two. The scrambler you’re working on should throw Void’s targeting systems off if you ever get it to work. That could give you an edge, you’re tired of his perfect aim...

“Mrreeewww” Pidgeon says rubbing against you.

You pet him absently, instantly feeling a bit calmer… the simplicity of his mind is soothing. It’s very complex work, and you’re not a specialist, but you’ll get it working, doesn’t matter if it takes one or twenty attempts.

You can do this…

“Hungry Pidgeon? Let’s get you some food… and then we’re going to work the hell out of this thing”

After attempt number seven, it finally works, and you fall on the bed exhausted, Pidgeon climbing over your arm and falling asleep, with you soon following. 

_______several hours later__________

“Let me out! I don’t like this!” You yell desperately.

“Don’t be so dramatic!” Nathaniel says, his arms crossed, from the other side of the glass on your chamber

“But it stings!” you say looking at the industrial shower nozzles above you. “Water pressure is insane on that thing and the chemicals...” 

“It’s just a regular procedure! Your skin is still adjusting to being out of your pod!” 

“You haven’t ever done this before! You don’t know how it is!” You’ve done this dozen of times now...

He sighs.

“You’re just being one big child. You’ll get used to it!” 

“I’d want to see you get used to it!!” you challenge him

“Oh, you would like that, you little runt? Well, I’m going to show you!” he says starting to take his clothes off.

“Nat, I’m not sure you should do that...” the operator starts...

“Shut it, Jeff. I’m going to show my doll how much of a whiner he is!”

“Alright... Suit yourself. You show him who’s boss” Jeff smiles. 

“I know you’re the boss Nath, I just want to get out! This isn’t... Aaaahhh!!” you yell as the pressurized water starts running down, piercing you like daggers. The chemicals get into your eyes and it burns like fire. This is hell...

“Oh come on! It’s not that bad!” he says standing in his underwear in front of you. 

“Let me show you,” he says entering the adjacent chamber. “Hit me, Jeff!”

“Alright!”  

“You’re always complaining about everything!. This is just a bit of water and... Ghaaa!!!” he screams as water starts running on his own chamber too, the excessive pressure pushing him to the floor.

Jeff just giggles as you bot keep banging on against the glass doors. There’s no release to be had until the cycle’s complete.

 ________________________________ 

Banging on the door…

You cover yourself with the sheets

“Hello?” someone asks.

“Wha…” you asks opening your eyes and coming out of the dream.

“Anyone home?” the familiar voice says.

You know who he is even before your powers pick up the mind behind the door.

Anathema.

“I’m coming!”

“Pidgeon… sorry, time to move” you say putting the cat down. “Why is he here?” you wonder getting some pants on and walking to the door.

“Awan are you in here?” more banging

“IM COMING!” you say as you hurry for the door.

Open it up, just a bit, with the chain latch on. It could still be some kind of trap… you never know.

“Hey!” he says looking at you through the small opening. “Came to check on you.”

Friendly smile, check. Plausible reasons for showing up unannounced, check. 

Genuine concern, check. Darn. He’s already scored 3 points ahead of you.

“Hi,” you say almost reluctantly. “I’m fine”

“Ortega told me you got shot.”

“Yes, but I got better”

“Uhu,” he nods. He’s clearly not buying it.

“Yeah. It was nothing really”

“He told me it was two shots to the chest”

“He’s being dramatic”

“And then you ran away having some sort of breakdown”

“He’s exaggerating. It was late so I came home.”

“Well I’m glad to hear that”

“Good”

“I mean you’d tell me if things weren’t ok, right?”

“Obviously” you lie.

“But nothing’s wrong”

“Nope”

“Perfect. So can I come in?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m your friend?”

“We can be friends from here”

“I did invite you to my place… and I paid for your dessert last time… and it was a big one”

“You did…” It was one big expensive ice-cream, you have to admit.

“So you owe me”

“ … “

“Open the door Awan”

“Uh… Do I have to?”

“Yes, unless you want to have a puddle of acid instead of a door.”

“But I told you I'm fine!”

“Yeaaah… that’s bullshit. Open up already, let me see what we’re dealing with”

You freeze for a few seconds, pondering over your options. You could still escape through the window… Or just block the door with furniture…

“Fine. You can come in” you concede in the end.

“Thanks!” he says with a bright smile as you close it, remove the chain and let him in.

He takes a few steps inside, smiling at you.

“I didn’t know you were coming! Didn’t have time to tidy up!” you say quickly, moving to the side to let him in.

“Oh it can’t be that bad” he keeps walking forward…

Until he freezes, his eyes going all over the current state of your apartment. The broken boards… The cracked paint. The disassembled electronics laying around all over the place. The cat, eating from your unfinished meal over the table. The mess that is your bed. Your clothes, laying around everywhere. The broken chair laying in pieces on a corner…

“... And you had the guts to tell me you were fine…” he says taking a deep breath.

Why the hell did you open that door…?

------A few hours later-----------

You’re exhausted… Anathema became a pure force of nature, and you had no choice but to join him in cleaning the whole place. Throwing the trash, ordering your stuff, folding your clothes, doing laundry…

You’ve got to admit it’s looking pretty decent now. Almost like a real home. Even Pidgeon approves, now that he has his own place on a cushion and most of the obstacles and trash have been removed.

“Isn’t this better?” he asks.

“Yes,” you answer embarrassed. It’s obviously so much better.

“You’ve got to take care of yourself man”

“I know”

“How’s the chest wounds?” he asks, still concerned

“THose are fine!” you say quickly. “Not going to a hospital”

“Fine.. fine… “ he says a bit startled “I don’t get it what’s with you and hospitals”

“I don’t trust them”

“Alright, I won’t insist,” he says letting it go. “I’m just worried about you”

“I know… and.. “ 

“Hmm?” he looks at you a bit puzzled.

“Thank you,” you say, swallowing hard. “Thank you for coming here I mean…”   Thank you for caring, is what you actually want to say.

“Hey it’s ok!” he grins “I’m here for you, I told you.” he looks at the bags of trash ready for the recycling bins “How did it get so bad?”

Now that’s a good question.

“I don’t know… I guess I’ve been alone too long? At some point… it stopped mattering”

“Well, things like this do matter… Or at least they should. It’s your house after all. You live here”

“That’s true…” you admit. You hadn’t really thought about it… This was just your hideout. A base. A place to sleep in while you plan your next move. Somewhere you could keep Pidgeon safe. Not a home. Not a place to live in…

“There’s life beyond all that,” he says pointing at your large clue board” he smiles. “Don’t let it consume you.

“I’ll try not to,” you say returning the smile.

“I know all about this…” he says “...I mean I had some severe depressions too”

“I’m not depressed…” you say, doubts invading your mind the moment you say it. Are you?

“You say that but... letting go of yourself like this, It's a clear sign, you know?”

You sigh. There might be more truth to this than you can admit to yourself…

“Does it get better?” you ask, immediately feeling embarrassed. Why are you admitting this…? Why let him know how you …

“Yeah” he answers putting a hand over your shoulder. “It does get better. Trust me, it does”

You chat for a few more hours after that. 

Time seems to go fast.

Talking to him comes naturally, and makes you think about stuff you hadn’t ever considered. Your projects for the future. Your thoughts on the city. Gossiping about the other rangers. Hearing his experiences with his transition...

Something slowly begins to crack in your armor. He’s doing with Void’s bullets could not. 

_____________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[tf-guru]

Basic Transformation. Tf story featuring woman -> pig, woman -> ????, man -> ????, man -> ????. MC

"What group of motherfuckers know how to pass an exam?" Derrick shouted to the group. His girlfriend Makenna replies

"It was a semester of basic biology, it's not like it was anything insane"

"I know I know but still, I'm proud of us!" Derrick respondes.

The group of four consisted of two couples, Derrick and McKenna, and Hailey and Joe. The group had just finished their biology exam and had decided to celebrate with a trip northward from their small llinois college. Derrick was the light hearted guy you'd always want to be around, his girlfriend McKenna had a bubbly personality as well but also would attempt to curb Derricks zeal.

"So you said your uncle owns a cabin up in Michigan?" This question came from Joe, a soft-spoken realist who often served as the groups leader. He was dating Hailey. Apart from Joe Hailey was probably the only genuine hard worker of the group, having been one of the biggest reasons they had passed their bio class.

"Yeah you guys are going to love it. My dad would take me their sometimes in the summer." Derrick said. The group continued driving for another half hour when suddenly, as if by magic the car came to a stall and Derrick began to pull over.

"What the hell Derrick?" Questioned Joe. Confused, Derrick responded

"I dont know? Everything seems to be fine! Let me go check the engine." Derrick, accompanied by the rest of the group got out and headed to the front of the car. While the rest of the group examined the engine Hailey inspected the area they were in. Looking ahead a shimmering sign at the side of the road caught her eye. She adjusted her glasses as it came into focus and came to read 'Pan's Haunted Museum and Auto Mechanic Shop' the auto mechanic section hung off to the side and Hailey could almost swear that part shimmered for a brief time longer than the rest. Upon finding the sign she called to the others

"Guys! Let's just head to this place, inform the owner of our problem, and be back on the road in no time?" The other two looked to Joe.

"I agree with Hailey, lets go check this place."

It didn't take long to reach the road the attraction was on. The area contained what was advertised, a small shop, a strange circus tent looking area, and a small farmhouse. When they arrived a small, hunchbacked man carrying a small bundle on his back sprang out at them. He had one crazy eye and a chin covered in black and white stubble. He looked at the gang and said

"Who might you be? Peculiar attractions have yee come to see?"

Joe, unshaken by the man's strange odd appearance or weird speech simply said

"We would like to see the mechanic sir." The man began to turn to the house and informed the group

"Hes out. I'll go call him. Feel free to check out the haunted musem over yonder."

After around fifteen minutes McKenna started to head over to the strange tent. With nothing better to do the group entered with her and found themselves in one of those cheap fair booths with "freaks of nature" including fake mermaid and pixey skeletons, magical rocks, and so on.

"Well this is... soemthing." Mckenna said, inspecting the fake mermaid.

"It really is isn't it." Derrick responded only half sarcastic. After throughly inspecting the room McKenna walked over to the far end of the room where a tarp covered an almost hidden door.

"Guys, lets head through here" Mckenna said

"Mckenna we should prob- and she's already gone. Lets go get her and make sure she doesn't get into trouble." Joe instructed as the remaining three went through the door.

The next room was a simple barn area with some hay scattered around. Upon seeing this Joe said,

"Alright, its probably just a staging area for the haunted attraction. Are you satisfied?" Mckenna turned around to retort before abruptly collapsing onto the ground.

"Mckenna!?" Derrick shouted before rushing to her side. He then continued

"She seems fine but just asleep, lets try and drag her back to the other room." Hailey went over to open the door but as she looked for the handle she couldn't find one, or even any sign there was a door at all. She was going to call out when she heard two distinct thumps behind her. She turned around to see both Joe and Derrick had collapsed on the floor. Before she could say anything she suddenly felt extremely dizzy.

As she collapsed on the floor Hailey saw the hunchbacked man before...

Hailey awoke, standing up in a completely different place. While still on a farm she was now outside standing in front of a man. The man was saying something when Hailey focused in

"You okay there? You look dazed." The slightly rotund man carried a pitchfork and wore a pair of blue overalls. Hailey replied

"W-wheres Joe and McKenna and D-" the man cut her off

"Who?"

"My-My friends we were on a vacation trip and and"

"Vacation trip? You've been here for a while. Remember the extra credit opportunity for your veterinarian class?" She did remember vaguely about applying for something along those lines but it seemed almost blurred in her mind.

"Sorry I must have just been day dreaming ha ha."

"Well, time to get to work. I'll show you where I want you today." The man led her into one of the long barns. This one contained a single area for pigs. In the opposite corner was a large mysterious container next to a dolley. The man then informed her

"Okay, I have you on trough refill duty. Fill the pig's trough with the slop and come find me in the farmhouse when your finished. Any questions?"

"No, I can do it." With that the man exited the barn and Hailey got to work.

She first went over to the barrel in the corner, lifting it onto a dolley. Bringing it over to the pig trough she undid the large plastic lid and started to pour the strange slop mixture into the trough.

"Damn, you'd think this would smell horrible but its not that bad!" She thought as the other fat pigs in the pen started to waddle over and treat themselves to the slop.

As she finished pouring a bit of slop spilled out onto her arm. Pulling the barrel back Hailey looked at the gloop on her arm and did a very un-Hailey like thing. She licked it off her arm.

For some odd reason the slop tasted amazing!

"Holy shit! That was so good! I need more!" She ran her finger along the edge of the barrel and consumed it once again. Realizing there was still some at the bottom Hailey poured it over and grabbed some by the handful.

As she ate her body reacted to the slop. Hailey always had had a thin figure but now she was teetering pass chubby. Her small breasts became bigger and her ears grew slightly larger. When she had emptied the barrel a wild hunger overtook her, causing her to go to the only other place near her with slop. The pig pen.

She entered, ignoring the mud starting to cling to her legs. First she simply grabbed slop and ate it but soon found it easier to just eat straight from the trough. With every bite she was less concerned about the other pigs and only focused on eating. She grew plumper and burst from her clothes.

"Will need to grnnt buy clothes, after grnnt eat this delicious..." she said, her feet crusting over into pig hooves, her mouth slightly pushing out into a pig snout, making it easier for her to eat more and more slop. This caused her glasses to fall off and to the side. She was on all fours. Each bite made her eyes fog slightly more and more. She didn't even notice when a tiny curled tail sprouted from her thick lower back.

The farmer walked in to see the piggish Hailey eating from the trough. He walked over to the pen and shuts the door, he calls to Hailey and says

"Damn, thought you were going to make it." Hailey turned around at this, still on all fours.

"Never seen anyone wake up from a sleep spell that fast. Well, don't worry well take care of you as a pig, Pan will be happy to see you." With that he exited the barn and made his way to the farm house.

"Me... me piggy?" Hailey sluggishly thought her famed intellect slipping by the second. Something about what the farmer said confused the pig as she shook her head in an attempt to focus but this only caused her fat cheeks to jiggle and her large ears flop out and down. She turned around to go back to the slop when she spotted her glasses laying atop her shredded clothes.

The sight of her clothes next to the other pigs made the sow-to-be strain and think hard.

"Im not pig... grrnt right? I h-h-human? Or hungry?" She let out an annoyed snort and went to touch her temples with her still human hands. As she raised them she brushed by her snout and came to an epiphany.

"I am Hailey, a human!" This jogged her human memories, her getting to the attraction with her friends, seeing Pans Museum. This realization cleared the fog from her eyes as she finally got a look at herself.

"Im grnnt, turning into a grnnt pig!" She grabbed onto the fence and with her strong will, pushed herself onto two legs. With this act of constitution some other changes receded as well. Her hooves began to soften and return to human feet, some of her fat receded until she was back to a chubby state.

"I... am... a... human!" She thought defiantly and with that she returned to a semi normal form. While still chubby her snout receded and her curley tail snaked back into herself. She quickly exited the barn and headed up to the farmhouse.

She ran to the door of the farmhouse, her new fat giggling as she went. Sneaking up to it she grabbed a shovel that was lying by the door and entered. Inside she found a simple farmhouse and peculiarly a pair of overalls and a straw hat on the ground.

"What the hell?" She thought as she moved further into the house. After a quick inspection of the house she didn't find anyone. She once again went into the main bedroom and opened the closet, hoping to find something to cover her much larger and curvier body. She opened the closet and found around twenty pairs of overalls, all different sizes.

"Thats weird, why would you need so many in so many sizes?" She went through them before finding one that would cover her new frame.

Finally dressed she headed into the kitchen, she opened the door she assumed was for the pantry and then stepped back in shock. Instead of a pantry there was a massive room akin to a warehouse with many rooms and hallways splitting off.

End of part one.

[thekintsukuroikid]

December 23 2017.

I never wanted to post these. I wasn’t going too.

It wasn’t until I saw the pictures of my family members did I realize I actually did capture something worth sharing, worth working on, worth feeling good about.

I’ve been on meds for awhile, been to therapy too. I’m starting to feel like I have the tools in my toolbox to start making some steps forward. I just don’t feel like I have the self belief to really go for it.

I’m tired, i’m frustrated and I’m finding it increasingly harder to rationalize this fight for myself. I remember being so excited when I moved away that finally I had the ability and the freedom to focus on myself, all of myself, especially my mental health. The commitment to do so has be fraught with setbacks and frustration.

The silver lining to which is the sheer immensity of kindness and love I’ve received from my friends. I question how I deserve it…obviously, and I am always wary of making sure our conversations aren't always about negative stuff. I don’t want to drag em down, or be a bummer.  I always believed the most insulting feeling in the world is being pitied. I’d rather be hated than pitied. Maybe i’m just being loved.

I always need external context, I never feel like I can start or finish or be without some sort of external form of permission, context, and sometimes motivation.

Whether is a girls number at the bar, or a degree on the wall I can never truly feel happy or connected to a moment, or an outcome unless I can work out how i’ve earned it. I almost never do.

What this means Is that I am often left floating, never really sure of myself in any given situation. Never really sure if what Im doing or experiencing is really building on a person or values as opposed to the consistent stringing together of just getting through the day.

Taking pictures is a hobby that feels safe to me, it feels worth pursuing. I think because deep down I have never felt like the main character of my own story, behind the lens I don’t have to be.

I named this blog after Kintsukuroi because I loved the meaning behind the art of fixing broken pottery with gold. I wanted to feel like I could do that for myself. Shine through my flaws. But even if I don’t, you can still fill the cracks with pyrite instead of gold and still hold water. Maybe that’s ok.

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See the key to enjoying family vacations is finding little moments of solitude, of respite where you slip out the back and escape for a few hours armed with a bluetooth speaker and a book that wasn’t assigned reading.  

 -I found a beach chair on the very edge of the resort property, a small wooden fence and a small one person security shack all that separated me from the public beach area filled with local kids splashing and yelling.  

- I played something slow and looked out into ocean and came up with as many lame water metaphors as one could presumably concoct under the circumstances of time and a mild hangover. - I present them here:

  See I preface all of this by saying writing all flowerying and poetic like this is like eating buffallo wings really fast, like it tastes good but is always accompanied with the heartburn of being this self indulgent. It just kinda feels douchey haha.  Ah fuck it lets go. Maybe self indulgent is the point?  When else can you be self indulgent right? 

How do I explain the fear of wondering if I wasted my best years simultaneously treading water, and never actually getting wet. How do I reconcile that? Am I gonna be in my late 30s wondering what its like to feel smart enough, or hot enough or good enough. That seems like it could suck, I mean it sucks now, what happens when it also feels like I’ve run out of time?

Speaking of water...

--

Sabrina Benaim said that Depression is turning lonely into busy.

and I am always busy.

She said that  

“Depression is sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness, I cannot baptise myself”

- I get that. You see it all around, potential everywhere, happiness so close it seems within reach and everyone around you thinks so too, yet you can't submerge yourself in it. You just drift along, walking on the water that is happiness and not being able to get yourself soaked in it. Always staying dry.

-  Maybe in my own metaphor if depression is the actual water?

- I wonder if Happiness is instead the sky you look up to when you’re treading water, concocting dreams of rescue helicoptors or philanthropic Pterodactyls swooping down to save you from your lack of cardio.

-I’ve tried to learn more about treading water by watching people who know how to swim really really well.

Google defines the Rapture of the Deep as an incapacitation that occurs when you dive too deep into the ocean, and no longer know what way is up. It can happen even if you learn how to swim really really well. One way or another some people just sink.

...and some people just take themselves way to seriously...I wonder if thats me?

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January 20th 2018 

AN ADENDUM 

I am  not afraid of the dark. 

Night time makes snack food taste better.

Depression is a slowdance lit ever so romantically by the light of the street light by my window. the glow of the 3:00am on the clock backlighting my stirrings, as a defiance against the convention of normal sleep patterns that’d  make even my teenage angst say dude chill…take a nap.

- I envy people. 

Not because I want some material thing they have, or some accomplishment. -

- I’m jealous of people who’s ears don’t constantly ring with self doubt. I always felt like I wanted to be a producer instead of just a consumer. But I’ve never had the self belief to stand by what I make...or just make. You know how people play hard to get? I feel like I play hard to want. Like all the time. Trying to be happy means sometimes trying to hard and that is annoying as shit. 

 I cannot for the life of me understand how people can just, be. 

I cannot understand how people can get through the day with more hope beyond just getting through the day. I’d give one eye just to have the other see through that lens. 

I cannot understand for the life of me how people know what to do, like ok you’re a therapist how did you know you wouldn’t be the worlds best advertising agent, or a poet or a spot welder? how do these other options not keep you up at night?

- How many people actually try Luge, like what if there is the worlds best Luger (sp?)  and he’s instead stuck in the accounting department fantasizing about  how to ask out the intern in accounts receivable? He could be fucking Luging bro.  

What I’m saying is I cannot understand how people know who to be friends with, or where to live, or who to marry? What if a more compatible partner is out there but she lives in Nicaragua...Fuck dude you gotta go to Nicaragua maybe! maybe the beauty is that out of 7 billion people, out of a million decisions, and happen stances, out of a million one in a millions, you found each other. Maybe thats worth something too? The grass is greener where you water it and all that but how do you know you should be planting grass and not palm trees....or Weed?

How do you know what parts of the tree to prune, what parts can you cut to make it grow and what parts will kill the tree?

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I do try my best, see thats the frustrating part I think. I've tried. I tried to be patient too, To not get ahead of myself. or try to feel like im entitled to feel better just because im trying too.

This has been the most open I've ever been with the people in my life bar my family. Not a single person i've told has reacted with anything other than a reaction of love and care.  No matter how I try I can't feel like I deserve it.  I’m so scared of opening up too much, and stifling how much and how long I talk about the bad days, I lie about how many good days im having because I don't want this to be a burden for them.  I don't want to get left behind because when im alone this thing starts getting the better of me. This is all a bad mix of feeling like I have the most to lose and feeling like I have the least amount of resources i’ve ever had to not lose them.

So much has changed and yet, it still feels like I have nothing to show for any of this. 

I read somewhere once that possession is the enemy of love. 

That you kill a flower by picking it. Instead of watering it where its rooted.  

-

Maybe more patience is required, it’d just be nice for a sign that somethings sprouted, that i’m doing the right things to bring forth an eventuality that this chapter of my life will be over.  I just wonder when perseverance ends and delusion begins?

--

I went into my brothers room to give put back a book. I found his sticky notes plastered all over his desk with like meditative buzz word, he's got books on history of architecture and james baldwin and eckhart tolle with the bookmarks well into them. He's starting his own creative company, hes filled out an application for the NYT. he's doing freelance work. hes already killing it with his company and in school. He is an awesome photographer,  he's a fashion whiz. he's a veritable genius. and I can't get out of bed.  I walked 3 steps out the door today, said nope, and went to bed. I went to bed at midnight last night and didn’t leave my room until 4pm.  Im not saying this in a jealous way or in away that harbours any negativity towards him. I love my brother, even if we are never going to be on the terms I hoped we’d be. To be honest I'm not really interested in the things he's into so him being good at those things don't take anything away from me. Its just insane to me how far behind I feel. I can't even basically function and he's taking on the world. If he were where I am, the world would be robbed of so much of the things he can do. I just feel like i'm robbing myself of what I could maybe do too. and It used to be a thing where If I saw somebody getting theirs, id be like aight I gotta go get mine too and id be motivated and it'd give me a boost. Because I believed in my better. I believed I had more to give.  now I just, I can't  envision any of that for myself. I don't even know what it looks like anymore.

I know that isn’t a fair comparison, I know he’s healthy and I’m not, I know comparison is the thief of joy.

It’s just, I started this whole getting healthy thing to start feeling more like myself. To start  to answer the questions about what I could do if depression  wasn’t at the forefront of every endeavour I chose to undertake, every thought that crossed my mind and every relationship I established. The fact is I feel no closer to answering that question. None. I feel farther than ever. I am the product of such wonderful privledge, to waste those gifts on a disease so self centred and indulgent seems ridiculous to me, yet here I am.

-

I have people walking with me now on this whimsical mental health adventure I’m on. Which is weird, because for the first time I’ve had to be cognizant of where my arms flail, or how much room I take up on the sidewalk. We walk together lock step, looking at that straight lined horizon, for something to eagerly burst its linearity and meet us more than half way.

While I appreciate the company it’s come with the added fear of what will happen if and when I have to stop, to stumble, to catch my breath, and for the sake of time, they keep walking. Until I can’t see them. Until the horizon is no longer something to move forward too. No north star to guide me home. 

See gratitude is anxiety. 

Always wondering how you’ve earned the luxury of a second to breathe, to use that moment to appreciate. 

 Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  

[curlyshepards]

tim headcanons: fucking long ass edition im so sorry

again this is under a read more so @ mobile users....im sorry

What does their bedroom look like?

he shares a room with curly, so it looks like a tornado ripped through the room and only destroyed curly's half. his is nice and neat

Do they have any daily rituals?

this isnt really daily, but if he wakes up really early or comes home super later (like early hours of the morning) he'll most likely see his mom in the kitchen and they'll sit at the table and talk until someone else comes in. its the only time she acts like herself & not hanging off their stepdad and tim cherishes those times!!! but he never tells anyone abt their conversations

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

i can see him going to a gym every now and then, but mostly bc his buddy works there. they'd lift weights and goof around so hes not rlly into working out, he knows to stay fit tho

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

it depends on who was in the kitchen. if it was his stepdad he'd just leave the house and go out for dinner because he avoids him as much as he can. if it was angie he'd get her to make him something, but if it was his mom then he'd ask if shes eaten anything and would probably end up making somethin for the both of them

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

hes SUPER organized. like with everything. it drives him insane that curly's such a slob

Eating habits and sample daily menu

for breakfast he usually just has coffee. but he gets fast food a lot (no one knows how he stays in such good shape) but if he doesnt go out to eat he'll just get food from his friends houses

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

he loves to play pool and card games!! he tries to avoid wasting time though, he always feels like theres something he could be doing to give his gang more power & respect

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

again i dont know what this means but every now and then he will indulge in a big ass chocolate milkshake and no one can stop him

Makeup?

just like curly he is all for makeup sex

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

nope none

Intellectual pursuits?

he's actually really smart, and if he wanted to then he could have gone off to college. he's always loved leading his gang tho so that is his main priority

Favorite book genre?

the only thing he ever reads is the newspaper (their stepdad usually steals it after he reads it and they never see it again, so tim always makes sure to take the comic section out and save it for curly)

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

hes straight but he doesnt really care about people sexual orientations. ya like who ya like and it doesnt affect him

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

he has that big ass scar on his face, so there's that. hes also SLIGHTLY allergic to cat fur

Biggest and smallest short term goal?

biggest: buy a new leather jacket that DOESNT have rips in the sleeves smallest: get their house cleaned up bc all the beer bottles and broken glass on the floor is starting to give him a headache

Biggest and smallest long term goal?

biggest: officially lead the toughest gang in tulsa

smallest: get curly and angela through high school

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

basically just t-shirts and jeans. he rolls the sleeves of his shirts up and he keeps a comb in his back left pocket. he might be wearing a leather jacket, but he'll probably just have it slung over his shoulder

Favorite beverage?

coke

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

his gang and how to make it better. it literally consumes his mind. he probably thinks abt curly too & if he'll ever be tough enough to be his second in command. tim really wants him to but deep down he knows that curly just isn't like him

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

tim got REALLY sick when his dad took him fishing when he was young. he puked all into the lake and they ended up not catching any fish the whole weekend (which tims dad jokingly blamed on him) it was embarrassing at the time but eventually they were able to laugh it off

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

turn ons: hickeys, confidence, tight jeans

turn offs: he hates clingy and it will definitely end up driving him away if a girl tries to lock him down

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

a mean game of tic tac toe that probably incorporated gambling

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

very organized!! its how hes so successful in leading his gang. he knows how to keep things in order and he plans things out

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

he was very dedicated to graduating high school (mostly out of spite that no one thought he would do it) but he never really cared about his classes. he did what he had to do and then got out of there

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

still a gang leader, hopefully more respected. (can we talk abt how tim sees himself as still living and curly has just kinda accepted that he probably wont be.,,...no.,,,,.....ok)

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

once again his life revolves around his gang. he doesnt see it not working out, so he doesnt plan for anything else

What is their biggest regret?

he has two ok: one is not going on that last fishing trip with his dad. he'd gives almost anything to spend that one weekend with him again. the other is not being hard enough on curly and not toughening him up as much as he could have. he knows his brother is tough, but hes also got a soft side and tim hates it bc he knows it'll ruin his brother

Who do they see as their best friend?

his second in command, danny!!! theyve been friends since elementary school and hes the one guy tim can always fall back on

Their worst enemy?

the leader of the river kings most likely. they're his gangs biggest threat

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

he'd definitely be the one to fix the problem, even tho he most likely didnt cause it. he'd be calm about it though and just kinda move on

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

if it were angela, curly, or his mom dying he'd lose it in anger. i dont see him as sulking or mourning over their death, he'd just get super angry and destructive

Most prized possession?

his dads old fishing hat !! he keeps it tucked away in his closet, but he never wears it

Thoughts on material possessions in general?

he doesnt care about them since he never really had them growing up

Concept of home and family?

tim is very family oriented and would do almost anything to protect them (except his stepdad, but tim doesnt consider him family. and half the time hes protecting his siblings and mom from their stepdad anyway)

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

VERY private. he doesnt share anything too personal bc he doesnt wanna give someone the power of having something to hold against him

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

he loves movies and could watch them all day, but he'd end up feeling too unproductive

What makes them feel guilty?

nothing he literally has 0 feelings

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

analytical by far !!! he likes to think of the long term effects on a decision

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

type a

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

relaxing with his friends. while he loves leading a gang he still likes to just chill w the guys like they did in high school. it reminds him of better times

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

superiority complex for sure. in his eyes he is The Best

How misanthropic are they?

its not that he doesnt like humankind, its just the rich people. they look down on him so he does the same. he could get along easily with other greasers as long as theyre not in a gang and threatening his streets

Hobbies?

cards, pool, drinking

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

he graduated high school! he values self education more though bc he's taught himself everything he needs to know to be successful

Religion?

atheist i guess. i dont think he believes in god but he also just doesnt think about it

Superstitions or views on the occult?

not superstitious at all

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

deeds. words are pointless to him bc he knows most people will think he's just bluffing

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

he would never.,,,...but i guess if he did it'd be with someone who could calm him down. in his eyes the whole world revolves around the gang, so they'd have to make him see that theres more to life than that. i can see him falling for someone innocent and kind and non judgemental. opposites attract u know

How do they express love?

very weird and awkward ways.....like he doesnt really know what hes doing (because he doesnt) he'd give mumbled compliments and hold your hand only if you're in private and try to take you somewhere nice but hes dressed too poorly and so people look at him and he gets annoyed and yall end up leaving but hey its the thought that counts right

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

he fights very smoothly. he moves quickly and thats always his advantage

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

nope. he thinks he's invincible

[butchtaurus]

When will i shut up abt this tbh? hopefully after this… god damn.

Now that it’s been days since the supergirl sdcc incident. i wanna try talk about it more comprehensively? I’m not so good with words or expressing my feelings but i feel like i need to try and understand. I’ll probably forget things i want to say lmao. It’s probably gonna be SO LONG, I’m so so so so SORRY!!!!!!

So, people are mad at Jeremy and Melissa for “making fun of a popular f/f ship.” And while on the surface it seems exactly that, it partially was. But i don’t think the words yelled at us, and it was at us because he looked directly at he camera while doing it, “THEYRE ONLY FRIENDS” was the problem. It was that a fanbase made of many young LGBT people were singled out. Now the intent on Jeremy or Melissa’s part may not have been homophobic or meant to hurt in anyway, they felt they were joking around. But they still did hurt a lot of people.

My interpretation of this “joke” felt like they were poking fun at me for believing two female friends could more than friends and that it was silly to think that. In Jeremy’s first apology he says how its valid how he interprets their story. Which is absolutely correct! He can view them as only friends, no one’s gonna make fun of that. Cause… thats canon? lmao. Part of fiction is allowing the consumer to interpret the work however they see fit because whats the fun in being told what the fiction or art means?

Maybe the cast was tired of being asked about Supercorp, but why was it brought up unprompted in this song recap like that? Jeremy could’ve sang something like ‘Kara met Lena and they became best friends!’ done, perfect, move on. Everything woulda been chill. But instead he faced the camera, which breaks him apart from the interviewers and his cast mates to talk to us the fans, and yelled to the camera.

Onto the rest of the interview because that song was not the only thing that made me disappointed and/or angry.

The interviewer asks about shipping (Kara and Lena). Jeremy chimes in and says “I feel like I’m gonna get destroyed for what I just did…. I’m sorry. I just debunked supercorp.” And Melissa says “That was pretty brave.” And I THINK, that’s where others got really mad at Melissa. I do not think Melissa was saying Jeremy was brave for “debunking supercorp” but that it was brave he just said any of that shit, because the cast has to know how insanely loud this fanbase as a whole is, usually not in a good way. (I’ve never seen it, but i just know people have to be sending death threats to multiple people in this cast, or insulting them in some way when its none of our business. Valid criticism aside.)

Then, the interviewer asks a weirdly worded question towards supercorp as a ship. “Are you caught off guard when you hear about, sort of, [what] fans are making of relationships, seeing stuff that is or isn’t there or might be there, et cetera? Like what do you make of it at this point?” Which, since listening to that fandomentals podcast, does throw me off because it puts everyone in a weird position to answer the othering(?) type question.

Now after Melissa answers the question, i have no problem with her answer there tbh, Katie chimes in with a very thoughtful response on how we can interpret art how we want. I also wanna talk about what people thought Mehcad was saying during the end of Katie’s response. I think everyone was feeling very hurt and sensitive since the song etc, so people were very analytical of everything being said. So people thought Mehcad was either saying “zitta” or “take that”, and since re-listening to the actual interview I hear “take that” as in ‘yes, take what you want from fiction’ AND NOT zitta. Take that (haha) for what you will and if you still think it was zitta I would urge you to re-listen and check after you’ve calmed down a bit? Not to be condescending to/dismissive of your feelings tho! ahhhh

After Katie has said her response. Chris says “Yeah and sexuality is all about others perceptions of yours, right? [cast laughter] Am I right?! …. That was sarcasm!” Yeah… okay. Maybe it was sarcasm, but it was a shitty thing to say at all. And also makes no sense for what they’re talking about. I mean… we’re talking about fictional character here aren’t we? So, what? why? what..?

Jeremy replies to Chris’s comment: “Hey listen, I went to musical theatre school I know all about other peoples perception of sexuality.” So… uh, we aren’t talking about fictional characters? Honestly, who cares what other people think about your sexuality? Did/do people think your gay? Why is that so bad? (Maybe I’m still a little sensitive about that part for some reason…)

Now, I think that was all from THAT interview specifically. There was definitely more ugly stuff that happened with Supergirl at comic con, at least to me. Maybe I’ll make another post because this is so fucking long, I’m so sorry…

The cast may not have meant to hurt anyone with all of this, and they definitely aren’t homophobic like how I think people mean? I really do think its in bad taste to just call them homophobic for this incident. What they did was like a micro aggression and in the grand scheme of things very little. Though large in the aftermath unfortunately. They just couldn’t understand the intracasies to LGBT fandoms or shipping, or even LGBT people, since they aren’t. Basically it was ignorance on their part. So, for me personally, I’m not gonna go all out and hate them. I do have a distrust that I can’t ignore though cause i felt made fun of. :/

To people who think “yeah well supercorps deserved it for how they treat the cast.” I can not control what other people do with their social media. I do not see whatever everyone else fucking does. I sit here in my bubble liking the things I like. I can only say that, I do not condone any ugly person that sends death threats, tells someone in the cast to kill themselves, insults the cast, or bring up personal things to be gross to the cast. I do not like that and think it’s stupid. I could only hope anyone 18 and older would know better and that anyone younger would please think of the cast as actual human beings. It doesn’t matter how much you hate any of the cast. Take your time to do anything else.

And listen, feelings are not invalid. No matter how many people think it’s an overreaction. People don’t get to tell you what you feel is stupid. You were hurt, that is the end of it. You’re allowed to be angry or upset or sad or disappointed but before you think to write something angry or rude, take a few minutes or a few hours and try understand why you’re angry and be respectful if you want to express those feelings. Cause when I look back to those words I said right after I was hurt by theirs… I know that I didn’t hurt anyone else. But, if I did? I’m sorry. D:

If you didn’t get offended or hurt? That’s great I’m really happy for you! :)

ALSO AGAIN IF YOU READ THIS WHOLE THING OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY YOU USED YOUR TIME ON MY WORDS AHHHHHHAGDHJFK

[blurrybenzoboy]

cw talk of EDNOS/fucked body image then like idek general suicidal thoughts and socital collapse Lol cannot figure out read more soz but legit this blog is 5 years ago who follows it  .... eurgh just tried jeans on that were tight af in January expecting them to not fit at all but they were slightly lose which seemed really dramatic. It’s not it’s just.. idk if shit will ever change in my head, fat is like a state of mind not a tangiblelook/tangible measurement of size.. and that doesn’t have to be the worst omg I'd rather die than struggle with this forever type feeling at all like..but.. the fuck is the point legit know tangible measurements numbers blah blah fuck off but I know and now am starting to question if regardless that information even means shit, what if the scale is legitimately a significant amount just off/broken... what if my fucking jeans can lie to me.. ok lol I wrote the jeans bit and yeah that’s ridiculous, this is ridiculous, just does it matter in a sense of im finding elaborate excuses to not eat cus I can’t go ‘well I’m a fat prick I’m not gonna starve to death’ every single time eventually I challenge it and I don’t wanna I just wanna...... not be fat lol but I don’t think it matters even if I changed size for whatever the fuck is ‘the better’ I guess my head just wants me to be smaller and like lol ok ye not saying I am healthy but I wouldn’t be at what is define by multiple different health standards (tried to find better than bmi and it just seemed wildly off for gender differences, where tf do I go with that when I’m trans, ‘at 6 months on t u can consume a single unit more alcohol and the male calorie reccomendation’ doesn’t help at all god even as it’s own thing its bs ffs. But ye just feels like I’ll always have shit body image and that’s like... well this possibly not brilliant behaviour won’t intrinsically change what it wants to anyway so why fucking bother but I can’t be bother with this anymore like urghhhhh fuck off cannot find how to do ‘read more’ do excuse me in my geriatric state of 27 if you accidentally stumbled across it or know me or god idek. lol (that’s what early 20s me thought of 27 I guess I intended to kms at 27 so relatively god how ancient xoxo like on my birthday I just...stopped caring about late 20s being older... only so many years u can pass past 21 and be like I’ve not made it yet shit shit shit I am running outta time... I’m not gonna make it however I wanted to I’m not gonna make much more of myself than this lol or at least doesn’t feel possible anymore.. society is falling apart, life is bullshit, there’s a pandemic, I’m legit just getting mentally more distressed just in different ways as I age yeet man don’t wanna wait this out too long... I wish I could just end it for the 27 club as a vacuous reason alone but I can’t lol guess I just gotta wait round for death and societal collapse, god can’t wait for things to get even more fucking dire, how much better can they realistically get like enough to work as much as other people but that’s l I t e r a l l y insane shouldn’t take 10 years give or take on disability benefits to see how not right or normal that is but here we are, thinking people deserve human rights is ‘alt left’ and some wild radical concept............. I just can’t be fucked then man I give up, go think that, go enjoy being evil like the bullshit government wow money so important but somehow not even enough, also need power so we can kill people who aren’t us.......chill whatever but I want out of this bs.  Guess I’ll google read more since this is long I am as unhinged as I sound cannot make it sound nicer so others aren’t like lol bye u low life... good Jesus Christ if your gonna think that fuck off then. So I started out to be like im a fat prick n its a mental thing I doubt will ever change and here we are right at I cannot be arsed to live in this society anymore but I can’t kill myself that’d be unfair on other hour her better keep myself alive just incase they want me for some bs reason I can probably no longer fulfil anymore lol.  I’ve written the ED (feels dumb af being this legitimately overweight and saying I have an ED but yeah guess it is or something guess bigger people shouldn’t be expected to feel like this by default, but yeah the ED part the least triggering I possibly can will avoid tags don’t want people accidentally finding this. Doubt long posts receive the unwanted attention my most reblogged post that was a thought not intended to be fucking reblogged like it’s glamorous or logical or good or cool or edgy or anything other than a rubbish self destructive thought I had...that at over 200 notes no longer isn’t just glamorising opiate addiction and suicide but hey that’s, Tumblr innit no porn anymore just stripped back to the human suffering it’s always been full of or pictures of...ominous windows recently lmao u do u yeet done talking.

[datingadviceonreddit]

This is gonna be a long story and may not be as full of thrill as you might expect, but I would really appriciate any advice or insight I could get, so bear with me, if you can.Tldr: Manipulative ex gf thanked me for getting her through school and family isssues for 8 years by screwing her coworker and letting me find the used panties.Since there´s a lot of talk about abuse in relationships I´ve come to think about my last relationship and whether my (27m) ex-gf (25f) emotionally abused me. This is in no form a talk of physical abuse, but coming out of the bubble I was in, when I was still with her, I think that some things she did to me would be considered insane, if a guy did that to his girl.For background: I met my ex-gf when I was 18. She was 16 and seemed like the sweetest girl in the world. She was exactly my type, sweet, caring and came from a shitty family background, which I absolutely do not. Not only did I fell madly in love with her, I also wanted to help her overcome all the losses and insecurities she had dealt with. Her father was a women hating alcoholic pos that died when she was 13 and most likely killed himself. He had told her literally since the day she was born that she was trash, because she was a girl. When the nurse said he had become father to a wonderful daughter he replied with "well the dumb ones loose their cock". So that´s the kind of guy that had indoctrinated her to think she was worthless and would end up like her mother. Her mum was kind, but also one of the dumbest and most ignorant people I have ever met. During the 8 years of our relationship I have met so many new "step dads" for my ex, that I´m pretty sure I must have forgotten some.For the first two years our relationship was seemingly fine. I showed her that she could become anything she wanted, helped her with school, with bullies, her idiotic mother, her ignorant brother and so much stuff, my life basically consisted of nothing more than making sure she was alright. She had depression, an eating disorder and on top of that she had a habit of taking care of any animal she could get her hands on. When we first met, she had three cats, two bunnies and a horse. When we split it was still three cats, a dog, the horse and a pony. Financing almost everything about them alone and taking care of them 24/7 while doing school or working. This has made up a huge part of our live and tbh - I miss this so much it breaks my heart.I admired her for caring for all of them and over the years I got so involved I took care of the animals like they were my own. I have spent nights and days at our barn making sure the horses were fine and raised our dog for 7 years with her. Loosing the dog was the worst part for me honestly.Anyways during the first two years she kinda looked up to me I guess. I helped her through school, getting a job and eventually to become a nurse. I accompanied her to exams, even pretty much wrote a major paper for her (I know) and what not.I cant really tell at what point the dynamic shifted but I guess it was somewhere around our third year together. She always had a temper and when she got mad, it was like all she could see was red and the things she sometimes said to me were so humiliating and mean that today I would walk out the second the first thing came out of anyones mouth.It got worse and worse and to give you a bigger picture I will list some things out of the last two years:- She twisted anything I said all the time. Sometimes she raged all of a sudden over a thing I had allegedly said the day before. She made up entire conversations that had never happened and when I called out this bs she came up with things like "so youre calling me a liar" and the fight continued from there on- she constantly accused me of cheating even though I was carrying her on my hands like a princess, caring for her and her pets 24/7 and if I got mad, she got even more mad, insisting that I had no right to get mad over the accusation, because that would be a sign they were true. I had caught her texting at least two guys she lied to me about in a semi explicit way, but of course when I caught her it was my fault.- She called me names, yelled at me, told me to fuck off and when I left she said if I would leave we´d be done.It was like that at least once every two weeks, probably more often.Im sorry if this is a little confusing to follow. It is hard to grasp being humiliated and manipulated over a course of years and put it into sentences.Still, here is something that really stuck with me.I was going on walks with her horses and her at least four times a week. It was hard work, and she constantly told me how bad I was at handling the horses and what not, even though pressuring me and punishing me if I did not come along, because she had more work to do then. When we went on walks we would bring large garbage bags and gloves to pick up the horse sht. We were walking through neighborhoods and streets and didnt want to leave it jus there. That one day she told me to get the bags so we could go. I went into your shed, grabbed them from the usual chair they were on and put them into my pocket. These are regualy folded trash bags from a role like you probably use every other day. So at some point the horse does its duty and I hand my ex-gf the bag, she unfolds it and sees it has a giant hole at the bottom which was not visible before. It was a fabrication mistake which you could only see once you really wanted to use it. She then screamed at me on a street in full daylight with people around how dumb I was to not see this before, if I could do anything right and tbh, it was the ususal talk for me. I told her there was no way of knowing for me and that I had just taken them from the usual place. She then told me that she had already known that apparently the whole role had been like this but she did not throw them away. So she knew I would grab these and it would play out like this or just didnt think about it herself. She literally screamed at me and still insisted I was too stupid to do basic tasks and here comes the part that was really bad for me.Apparently she had also forgotten to bring the gloves we use to pick the shit up and since it was my fault the bag was broken I would have to pick the shit up with my bare hands. I really dont find horse shit gross compared to dog or whatever shit but it still is what it is and it was a lot. There was screaming at me not to be a little bitch and pick up the shit and find a way the bag will hold it. The worst thing for me about this that I was actually on my knees, over the pile and I was so close to pick it up, it makes me sick thinking about it. Eventually I told her Im not doing it, she just walked away silently and told me once we´re back at the barn I could leave.Now you wonder, why I didnt leave. Its simple. I loved her more than anything. She had a habit to apologize so sincerely a day after her usual tantrums, I just believed her. She would come a day later and tell me that she would just get consumed by rage and couldnt help but talking like while at the same time not meaning anything of it sincerely. Shed tell me shed love me, be nothing without me, love the way I treat her and her animals and that I should believe her that nothing of what she says in rage mode is what she actually feels. I always believed that. For 8 damn years I believed this shit.The last year was one of the best and still the worst. We moved in together after she had finished becoming a nurse and me almost finishing law school. We had fixed her relationship with her mother, her brother, got her her dream job and I dont want to be an asshole but I had guided her through all of it. Her family was a full on nightmare when it came to communication and I had always felt like the only sane person at the table being with them. The reason this is important is, I always excused her irrational behaviour with the trouble and stress that was always constant in her life. Her horse had also been sick for years and for the first time we could sleep without fearing it would be dead on the grass the next morning.So the foundation was good. At least thats what I thought. I remember two weeks before the relationship ended, she asked me whether I was still planning to marry her. I looked at her as honestly as I could and said yes and I meant it with all my heart. You shouldve seen the look on her face. She was the happiest girl in the world and I was sure this would be a turning point.Then she had a christmas party from work. I drove her there so she could drink. Told her to enjoy herself, she had deserved it after all the stress and I would pick her up till 3 in the morning because Id have to feed the horses at 7 and needed at least a bit of sleep.She did not react to my messages once and came home at around 5:30. Told me she had danced a lot with a coworker that had hit on her prior and I was pissed, but trusted her and did not want to ruin her one night out right after it ended. That was on a friday. The next morning, saturday, everything was fine. I had taken out the horses and we went on a 3 hour walk with them in the afternoon and I had to study after that for the rest of the day. She was sweet to me but kinda hung on her phone a lot and always made sure to take it with her everytime she left the room, which was kind of suspicious to me but I thought Id just be paranoid.So far everything still was fine. On sunday it all changed. She got up in the morning and was pissed right away. We had plans for the day and she canceled them because of light rain which usually never bothered us. She acted pissed until early afternoon and suddenly told me shed go see the horses. I wanted to join her but she wanted to go alone and walk there. That was a thirty minute walk in rain and by the time shed have walked back once she was done there it wouldve been dark outside and people got robbed a lot where we had to walk. I let her go and once it was time to feed the horses I got in my car to suprise her, so she wouldnt have to walk home in the dark. When I arrived all hell broke loose. Suddenly she told me that ever sinced I moved in with her she had no real home anymore. That I was just a dog to her, not a real man and that I was taking the air she breathed from her. She said shed go to bed early cause thats the only time she could spent without me. Just to note this here, she had yelled at me numerous times because I couldnt go to bed with her because I had to study.The idiot I was I still offered her to ride her home and then go to my brothers place so she could get some peace and we had a chance to talk at night or in the morning. Well she did not have any of that and told me to fuck off. I drove to my brother, she walked home and we only talked the next morning when she broke up with me and kicked me out.Two days later she called me to tell me something. Of course we couldnt meet at a neutral place, I had to come to her and we talked were our (her) horses stood with my australian shepherd I had raised for 7 years and never saw again after that day. She told me she had fucked her coworker. I dont know what happened at the christmas party but I guess they did not fuck there, but made out or something. Then the day after she kicked me out she went over while his gf was at work so they could screw. Not 24hours later after she had broken up with me, who had taken care of her for so long. She did not tell me this to rub it into my face. She wanted to come clean I guess. But the worst thing about this was what she told me after that confession. She said she knows how bad she treated me over all these years, the things she said to me, the manipulation and all of that and that she had come to the realization, everything she ever told me while she was raging and then took back was what she truly thought of me. That I was no man for her, just a dog following her orders. She had no reason at all to tell me this, I dont know why she did it, but even tough this was 1,5years ago I still think about this every day.I left and wanted to hug my dog one last time. That little thing was so shaken, she wouldnt leave my ex-gfs side, leaving my last interaction with her, her backing away from me and completely refusing to let me touch her. Thinking of this makes me die a little inside. The next day I went over to our flat to get my stuff. I had to go through the laundry basket to get the last of my unwashed clothes out of there and right on top was the thong completely covered in jizz she wore when he fucked her. The nicest present she could have made me to get the hell out of there. Did I mention that the day after she fucked him she actually called me, panicking and asking me whether Id remember the last times she had taken her pill. I had no idea of the other guy at that point and assured her the last time we had sex was a while ago so it woulnt matter.Guess she panicked after he nutted raw in her.The funny thing about this is that this and her cheating was one of the things that kept me from suicide. It was a really close call in all honesty, but even though I was in such a bad shape that I lost 60 pounds in 8 weeks because I could not eat or sleep the last bit of pride kept me alive. I did not want to go out because of some bitch that rather fucked some other cheater than keeping the one that loved her more than himself.Hats off if you made it this far. I will end this on a positive note. Im taken again. Shes wonderful. I have grown as a person so much, I think Im nowhere near the same guy and never will be again. The day my ex saw me updating my relationship status on facebook, she stalked my gf and since you could see the bar shes a waitress at, she was there the very next day checking her out. Accompanied by her coworker of course, who is still with his gf that he cheated on.My ex messaged me lately because covid, wishing me and my family the best after I had not heard from her in about a year. I replied with "thanks, you too." I want to be a good person. Im glad I made it out of this abusive (?) relationship. Will put a tldr at the top and fix typos later.God I miss my dog. via /r/dating_advice

[rebeccahpedersen]

Recent Real Estate Pet Peeves

TorontoRealtyBlog

I had a little help with this one, I will admit.

A few readers emailed me over the past week, one as recent as Thursday, taking issue with, um, how will I say, “real estate practices.”

So in no particular order, here are some of my recent real estate pet peeves.

Sold in Zero Days!

A reader emailed me about this during the week, and I’ll admit, I’ve seen my fair share of this.

Picture a listing that’s been on the market for, say 35 days.  And picture the agent who is looking down at his or her precious stats, trying to figure out how to make them look better.

I mean, the agent could simply lie.  That’s easy, and there’s already a ton of that going on.

But for the (somewhat) honest agent, there’s an alternative.

When you receive an offer on the property, and successfully negotiate to a firm sale, simply terminate that listing, then re-list the property anew.

BOOM!

Zero days on market!

This was recently done in North Toronto where the listing DOM, or “Days On Market” for you non-MLS junkies, reads a proud zero.

So this agent, technichally-speaking, can claim to have sold this property after zero days on market.

And even if he or she didn’t take that route, which I still expect most agents would, the TREB stats would show zero days, as would the IMS stats; IMS being the third-party company that takes our data and sells it back to us, seemingly with TREB’s blessing.

Is this tactic about stats, or is it about ego?

Personally, I don’t care about “Days On Market” as a stat because I have three different listing strategies that all result in different DOM:

1) List for an immediate sale, whether you have a 24-hour holdback, or expect the first 1-2 people through the door to pay full ask, or more. 2) List with an offer night exactly seven days later. 3)Over-list with a built-in cushion for negotiation, knowing that a 3-4 week sale is likely.

–

Sold Over Asking!

Is this still going on?

I was musing this afternoon that most agents are always six months behind the market, and we see this when they demonstrate zero knowledge of current market conditions.  Either the market is red-hot, and they’re coming out of a slow market whereby they don’t see how hot their listing is, or they’re holding back offers on a property that’s probably going to take weeks to sell at their current price point.

Agents can be clueless, and I don’t understand how some agents out there still think that “sold over asking” is a feather in their cap.

Back before the “under-price and hold back offer” strategy became commonplace, you would actually see the odd property sell for over the asking price.  This was often a testament to the agent’s hard work, either by stalling the offer-in-hand to wait for another, or by working the phones to drum up other interest, or simply by negotiating the pants off the buyer-agent and getting that agent to bid higher for no reason.

But that was then, and this is now.

And when you take a $1,000,000 house, list it for $899,900, and sell it for $1,000,000, do you really think people want to hear about how you sold the property for 111% of the list price?

More to the point, when you laughably under-list a property, say, a $1,500,000 house for $999,900, hoping to get 50 offers and waste people’s time, do you really take pride in marketing that you sold the house for over 150% of the list price?

I think it turns people off.

It’s so pointless, and so old.  I think it makes these agents look self-congratulatory, and out-of-touch.

–

Seller Reserves The Right To Accept Pre-Emptive Offers Without Notice

Remember the spring of 2017?

Remember when the market was absolutely insane?

Remember when pre-emptive or “bully” offers were rampant?

And remember how some listing agents decided they were going to deal with them?

Rules are rules, but back in early-2017, a lot of listing agents decided they simply didn’t care.  When it came to protocol for dealing with pre-emptive offers, they simply threw all that out the window.

If you receive a pre-emptive offer on a listing, and if the seller decides to work with it (ie. forego the scheduled “offer night” a week later, and sell the property today), then you must notify every person who “expressed an interest” in the property.  That means contact agents who have booked showings, whether they have conducted that showing or not.

In early-2017, listing agents started doing this:

And it was chaos.

The argument was simple: “Oh, sorry officer, I know I ran that red light but I said that I was going to do it.  Bye!”

Listing agents felt as though so long as they disclosed that they were going to break the rules, that this made it okay.

There were essentially two reasons for doing this, and neither of them involved working in the best interest of the seller-client:

1) Looking to double-end a listing. 2) Laziness.

I don’t know which reason is worse, honestly.

But guess what, folks?

That screenshot above is from a listing that came out on Thursday, and it’s one of many like it.

I was filming my Pick5 on Wednesday, and came across another listing that had this disclosure, and I went nuts.  On camera, no editing, I just left it there for people to view.  As I said in my video, I can’t understand why this isn’t an automatic $10,000 fine.  It’s been TWO YEARS since agents were told not to do this, and they’re still doing it.  It’s so disrespectful to cooperating agents and to the buyer pool, and it simply spits in the face of TREB, who clearly isn’t doing anything about it.

FYI – if you ever see anything you don’t like on an MLS listing, email dis@trebnet.com and report it.

–

Buyer To Verify

What are we?

As agents, I mean.  What are we?

Are we professionals?  Are we competent?  Are we people who deal with others in good faith, and with fairness, and integrity?

Do we do our job to the absolute minimum of our abilities, or do we strive to something better?

Because frankly, I’m tired of seeing this in MLS listings:

It’s lazy, ignorant, and insulting.

As a listing agent, one of your jobs is to verify the information pertaining to your client’s listing; the client who has hired you, and is paying you, to represent their best interests.

If you are too lazy to look up a few numbers, and/or verify them, then what is your value?

And folks, don’t believe this is something it’s not – this is far, far from anything that would every hold up in court!  You can’t just write, “Buyer to verify taxes,” and then detail the taxes on the MLS listing as $2,000 per year, when they’re actually $5,000 per year, and then say, “Too bad, so sad.”

So why even bother with this?

Well, because agents are stupid.

And to be honest, and blunt, the same agents that think they can write “Seller Reserves The Right To Accept Pre-Emptive Offers Without Notice” and get away with it are the same ones writing “Buyer To Verify Measurements.”  And they aren’t mid-town agents from reputable firms, that’s for sure.  Read into that however you want.

The idea that a listing agent can detail on a listing that maintenance fees are $350.00 even, when he or she has no idea what the fees are, and hasn’t checked, is absolutely beyond comprehension.

I feel dirty just writing this.  God I’m mad.

–

Feeling You’re Smarter Than People And Trying To Turn A Negative Into A Positive

What does a listing agent say when you ask for a copy of the home inspection, and they haven’t done one?

A few things come to mind:

“I’m too cheap to do one.”

“My sellers don’t want to reveal all the things wrong with this house.”

“I don’t really know much about listing properties, so it never occurred to me that this might be a good idea.”

All of those statements are likely true, but that’s not what an agent would say.

The most canned response is:

“The seller has elected to allow the buyers to perform their own inspection, at their convenience.”

Oh, well then!

If that isn’t a load of BS, then I don’t know what is.

This absolutely reeks of “Piss in my ear, and tell me it’s rain.”  I can’t think of any better way to put it.

It’s taking a negative and trying to spin it into a positive, sounding absolutely stupid in the process.  There’s not a human on the planet that would hear this and think, “Oh, wow, well, that’s really nice of the seller to allow that, and very thoughtful with regards to the buyers’ convenience as well.”

So take this a step further, dumb it down more, and you get this:

Really?

This is like saying, “Termite-Filled House Represents Fantastic Opportunity For Buyer To Convert To Non-Termite House According To Wishes And Desires.”

Don’t insult us with this crap.  Buyers are too smart for this, and it turns them off.

–

Basic Math

No words needed here:

–

Basic Data Entry

I’m no genius, but $899,900 looks like a lot for a parking space:

–

One Plus Media

You’ve all seen my video about the condo den, right?

Yes?

No?

Can’t remember?

Well, that last one isn’t true.  Not to toot my own horn here, but you’d remember if you saw this:

  You know I hate how the idea of a “den” has become this stupid, tiny, useless room in a condo.

But do you know what I hate even more?

This notion of “media.”

A true “plus one” on the MLS listing was always intended to be a below-grade room in a freehold, hence the “5+2” rooms, or the “3+1” bedrooms.  Then when condos came along, the “plus one” was intended to be an “almost-bedroom,” ie. a den.

So you’re used to seeing this on a condo listing for a 2-plus-den:

That’s fine, we’ve adopted to that.

But this idea of “media” as an accepted “plus one” is not okay with me.

What is a “media?”

This:

I’m sorry, but that desk pushed against the wall is nothing.

It’s a desk pushed against a wall.

Just because pre-construction condo developers have invented this stupid notion of “media” to further exploit naive, unassuming consumers and have them pay a higher price in the process does NOT mean this needs to carry over to MLS.

We cannot have this “media” described on MLS as the new “plus one.”

And of course, by “we cannot have,” I mean, “we already have.”

Weekend, you can not have come soon enough…

The post Recent Real Estate Pet Peeves appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

Originated from https://ift.tt/2TSgK07

[carter41carter-blog]

7 Realities You Didn't Know About People In The Italian Meals Industry INFOGRAPHIC.

Our fab (unhappy, ab-fab) Cosmo Body system cover star is Davina McCall, the queen of the fitness Videos. I reside in Springfield, Virginia near Annandale on the within the Financing Beltway that encompasses Washington, DC. One of the main reasons that I began with DTG was actually that I might get my meals fresh and also without chemicals. Sport personal injuries perform the increase, as well as this will certainly impede the wounded specific till the remainder of their days. As I looked across the kitchen counter at our playdate, I found plate after bowl of processed food snacks as well as boxed juices. Without that in-home remedy, I may certainly never have actually begun on my trip to get fit as well as lose weight. Yearly, our team hear of professional athletes which drop lifeless from a cardiac arrest while taking part in sporting activities. In addition to my 3 foods as well as a treat, I should enhance the meals with fresh fruit, veggies and also dairy plus I have an extra allocation of 200 calories to play with. Also, a bunch of individuals assume they must be actually fit to start the course, it helps, but that would hold true along with any sort of workout you carry out, boxing will definitely acquire you match. Through 1999, girls's varsity organization participation grew through a determined 977 per-cent as well as by 2006, an overall from 8,702 all-girls sporting activities crews existed throughout the U.S. Today around 200,000 girls are approximated to become associated with collegiate-level sporting activities. Through having your trousers happen closer to the ankle, you have the capacity to develop the illusion from a longer leg. Oh just how I will adore to be capable to wear this sports bra and also not (coughing) the two I have to put on concurrently right now to quit the huge tit drive during my endurance instruction. PowerLung Sporting activity (/ powerlung) This hand-held air-restricting gadget enhances breathing endurance and also is actually preferred among not merely swimmers but likewise long-distance joggers, high-altitude climbers, performers, and even asthmatics. They could go off resting throughout the day to enhancing their pose, leg stamina as well as stamina status up. Also merely rotating between resting and also standing can substantially enhance their power, aid them get rid of added fats, sculpt muscular tissues, ramp up their metabolic rate therefore a lot more. I also assume numbers 2 and also 5 are actually rather big concerns for a bunch of people, however every one of these points are important, as well as merely one being a trouble is actually generally sufficient for an individual to 'stop working' at a diet plan. In March 2014 my physician informed me that my metformin was actually no more enough (taken for 2 years), in order that he would have to place me on blood insulin soon. Also tho im a total tecnophobe and the notion from a spread sheet packs me with terror, so much from what you write continuouslies inspire me, you are a risk-free slot in the midst of meals problem trouble! I privately felt I simply match due to the fact that I now much better estimated the social criterion of charm. Whilst continuously pulling your tummy switch in to your spinal column, boost one leg up laterally (keep knee bent at an ideal angle). Or even that girl that carries out the exact same factor while establishing leg presses on the machine. After certainly not managing to go with fast food and searching for junk foods for 6 weeks, my body system quit longing for fatty meals in the end, and the use of props accumulated my top body durability like never before. In reality, they are actually much less processed in comparison to every other protein bars you'll be able to locate. I discovered how to navigate this through carrying part of the food on days when I prep a ton of it (for freezing, usually) in to the dining room. Rotting food items, rodents, and also bugs are actually perhaps the biggest hazard from hoarding food. Make 'traffic signal' meals labelling - symbolic representations like a green light to signify healthy food - compulsory on all food items, beverages, and meals no matter where sold. ROBERT VICKERS: Well, I would certainly lay in mattress at night - that was a little complicated due to the fact that I discussed a bedroom along with my brother, as well as after strike out, I would certainly obtain my trouser belt and also merely double my leg up as well as claim that I was an amputee. The best workout health and nutrition is actually very important, but it does not have to be actually complicated or even tough to match. http://einevitalechance.info/ in advance to ensure the body has the appropriate nutrients for quick, appropriate recuperation. Make sure that your kid wears the best equipment for the sport they're playing. http://einevitalechance.info/ - made me laugh - many thanks, maintain your spectacular work motivating others in order to get healthy and balanced as well as fit. Amanda Johnson: Kathy Stanton, who's the Chairperson from Sporting activity and also Relaxation Instruction Australia. After consulting with my doctor I went house and researched (without a considerable amount of confidence, because the doctor informed me diabetic issues style 2 is for life, I should get used to that) to begin with on google.com. That is actually an event co-hosted along with Jamba Juice and they wished to promote remaining match while camping out. I think as time has actually taken place, that's advanced additionally to take up the society from the sporting activity as well as rugby suit or even rugby league match, or even a football match or even an AFL match, it's pretty exciting to take note that certain points which are actually forbidden in one video game, seem to be to happen pretty on a regular basis in one more activity. That is actually insane to me how many people think that sporting activities beverages are actually well-balanced and also alright to consume alcohol - even if joining exercise relevant task. Antony Funnell: And also now off a meals system maker, to a food program designer. MURRAY DRUMMOND: There's likewise a variety of girls who want to obtain involved in the type of masculinised sporting activities once they perform they struggle to keep that typically due to popular viewpoints from exactly what a lady's meant to perform. Less complex opportunities seem to suit me only fine, and also I am actually positive I am far healthier as a result of my hunter-gatherer food items choices. This is actually much better to prepare your meals without body fat, and afterwards add the fat after that when that's cooled some. Preferring to collaborate with Amazon (I always kept Dental crown educated of the just before the updates visited) was a full classification surge. And this could be correct as well for any other female professional athlete and also women not conducting any type of sport. The on-court educational program teaches young people how to manage conflicts using sport as a stand-in for disagreement. And also he thinks that the organization of darts along with bars has actually given his sporting activity an image problem. Food stores are actually donating that meals, there are other charities that pick up that food; Frontline. I may nearly experience the meals getting sucked up through my muscles THEREFORE swiftly when I elevate body weights! I'll going tomorrow early morning to walmart in order to get the pantry and also frosted products and also the nearby health food shop, La March Vegetarien, for my produce. Prior to the video clip I believed that they were going to sell the meals back to the marketplace. It's the excellent lasting eating meals for life for me. I consumed 20gr or less on carbs as well as adhered to the remainder from diet regimen. It is actually now my motive to guide others making buddies along with their kitchen area and also on their own. I am actually thrilled with the results of the diet and intend to thanks for offering a diet regimen where there are actually no tablets or remedies merely actual food items. And in 2009, Pine Mountain Athletics began a Trail Ambassador Plan to help keep and enhance Oregon routes. It's more challenging to place opportunity into the submitted in a go for a swim, and sustain this over the nationality, than this is actually to find from the industry near the front from the swim for a non-swimmer in a wetsuit and also gain considerable amounts of opportunity back over the next 2-4 hours on the bike lower leg. Also the moment your medical professional has actually granted approval to return to sports or even physical exercise, that return should be steady.

[sandiegojobsondemand]

Job Openings Disappoint As Americans

None of these are real “jobs”.     They’re just advertisements so they can bring in the H1B workers.

“Engineering Project Manager for Silicon Design Division – Prior government expertise required, prior personal practice expertise needed, 20 years minimal experience.     Must reside and work in Palo Alto.     Independent Contractor position, 10 dollars an hour”  

I’ve been job hunting for a long time so I Can escape the hell of my present job.     Everything is temporary, contract, and pays $12 a hour.     Rent is so high I can not take a pay cut.     I am younger than many here, and I am just spinning my wheels and so is everyone else my age.  

If you can and I am aware that it is a big IF nowadays. Try working on yourself just as much as possible. Shlep life insurance, repair stuff and generate cash payments to you where and if you may.  

Don’t be reluctant to drive around the industrial park searching for work. Nobody does that anymore. Nobody. 

The realtor market in my area is flourishing.     Not real estate – agent.     Thousands of people have gotten their real estate license in the past few years to the point that there are twice as many realtors than houses for sale in inventory at any 1 time.    

They’re all just Searching for a chance to make some money someplace.     I imagine it’s the same in the insurance sector.    

The agents that are in debt or present practicing while utilizing debt will quickly become non-active. Getting in and out of real estate is about luck and timing and being in the perfect area.

My daughter who is 41 and her husband are now earning roughly $90K. They have 3 girls and can not make ends meet enough to buy a home. They drive used cars and don’t waste any money on vacations or grownup toys. They haven’t a clue about how things ended up that way but instead just thrash and wail against the politics. I try to get them to understand the real cause but because it was not on their “No child left behind” school program – they don’t understand the way the money cartel works.   My only word of advise to you is to use the internet to educate yourself exactly what you were not taught in school. Spoiler – prevent debt however much that they tease you to lure. No debt =liberty.

I’m grateful I knew enough to avoid debt.     When I was in school I tried to inform my friends that but they treated pupil loans and credit cards such as free money – and they do.     I have a Little Bit of student debt and also have paid off the car I Intend to drive for a long, long time.    

Believe it or not two of mine are still paying off school loans by a little school in PA after graduating in 2001 & 2003! We’re helping at a tune of $700 per month since co-signors. I just noticed with ACS any excess payment goes towards future payments not the principal!   What a racket!

Some may say I am an idiot, but I am okay with that.     Here is exactly what *I* could do on your situation – I would move in with my relatives or friends TEMPORARILY.     I would build a Small home onto a trailer.     PROPERLY.   Or better still, I would find one that someone had built to reside in (and had been assembled PROPERLY), also purchase that because they are worth squat next hand.

If You Wish to get head Nowadays, a Wonderful place to live, freedom, freedom from debt are KEY.     And that’s how it’s done.     Purchasing property nowadays (except unimproved land for your cellular home – not crappy mobile dwelling) is insane, and so is paying rent.

Read a post here recently, where a person invested 30K to training to become a racing engine machinist. Later, I forget exactly, around a year of training, his first year he left 25K, next 45K, then 3 or 4 years he was creating 96K. The jist; prepare to do something someone is willing to pay for.     I got three children that Im wanting to do this through with.

Space share, reside on a ship, anything. You have to receive your outgoings down.

Do you will need a vehicle,or is it cheaper to hire? .

What’s the cheapest possible phone deal?

The machine has you in the paycheck-to-paycheck trap, and you’re going to need to do the fiscal equivalent of gnawing your own foot off to escape, but get you out must.

And the easy understanding of understanding you can inform any boss to shove it is of inestimable price. Your mental health will enhance hugely, and also your manager will real treat you better if s/he knows this (fall subtle hints).

I have two bachelors degrees and they’re not in gender studies or social studies. My degrees are in science and business and I can not find a job in my field. Whatever, I am simply discourged and ventilation.

Dude, I am doing exactly the exact same job I was doing in 2003 after graduate school and fine jobs in PE.

Find something different. I am reinventing myself to program, therefore I don’t have to rely on anybody to code what I know needs to have done.

I am also on the look out to additional biz opportunities.

We’re in 1920s Europe at the moment. You are all on your own.

In the early 80’s it was pretty awful for occupations where I lived.   I was hired by three firms and prior to the first start date I receivied a call saying due to business conditions the job I was hired for vanished.   After three of these, I said screw it and began my own company.

This was a very long time past, there were weeks I hardly made enough to put food on the table and other months when money was flowing in.

You can not rely on a degree alone.   You need to be versatile and eager to do whatever the job demands.  

In my opinion this is the only means.   Those Wall St types that make countless are the exception, not the principle and many got those places by chance and that they know, just as it has always been.

Just take any fulltime job that doesn’t treat you like shit, if you can find one.

Start learning how to construct your own (easy) home.

Strategy to give up the rat race whenever possible.

It’s not going to get better.

I’ve tried watching a couple of reality television survivor shows in the uk recently: leaving men on islands, letting them set up communes, trying to pass SAS type evaluations etc.. Anyhow, what struck me is that 95 percent of the morons on the displays have non existent jobs but are incredibly proud of these…

Personal coaches, hypnosis therapists, feet massagers/aromatherapists, jugglers, vloggers, Zumba instructors, sandwich artists, baristas, freelance tree surgeons, etc..etc. . .one girl proved to be a twerking trainer, I shit you not even a twerking mentor.

I take that a lot of the fukctards who go on those displays will be weird narcissists, they are the only people having the spare time to go on those torturous and vacuous displays, but it struck me that all these millennials have just this on offer in our service industry, consumer spend driven economy. It is over, we are so past peak human.

Require 5 thousand people off most of the free shit and let them to Begin applying for those 5 million projects

I am hoping that job creation and unemployment numbers will now   be correctly reported.   I am really tired of seeing rainbows and unicorns when there are none.   Get ready yourself for the worst and hope for the best.   Keep Stackin Bitchezzz !

Let’s review what I know about applying for a job and the way I believe that the scam operates. Your resume shows:

Your title, are you male or female, are you associated with the Smiths or Joneses we know or are you a foreigner.

Your address, are you currently a local candidate or do you reside on the wrong side of town.

Your present employer, in case you’ve got a job we’re interested if you aren’t presently employed, we’re not curious. What  financial   compensation might you be hoping to take a new job?

Where else are you worked and when, how long do you keep employed before you move on to another company or are there any gaps in your job history? In case you have openings we’re not curious.

Your education, did you go to a prestigious school or a community school. If you went to a prestigious school perhaps you’re well connected and we’ll pay you a superior, a community school, not too much.

Your references, that will guarantee you. We need names, titles of people that you know that we don’t, we need to talk to someone we don’t know to vouch for someone we don’t trust.

Everything you won’t know when applying for a job are the states of employment. If you knew what went on here you would not be employing.

Here is what happened? 95 million American workers, not in the US labour force. As a guideline, if you want something, tax it.

Source

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-02-07/job-openings-disappoint-americans-quitting-their-jobs-tumble

from Sandiego jobs on demand http://www.sandiegojobsondemand.com/job-openings-disappoint-as-americans/