#but i dont want to have it be my natural hair color? but bleaching and dying hair that short...... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vivisviolets · 6 months ago

Text

⛓ who is your tribe? 𓆩📓𓆪 𓆩🖤𓆪 how will you meet? ⛓

✮i love how i connected these 3 pics im sooo smart guys

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ -pick the image that gotchu good 👁👁 gotcha eyes~ you know how to do it I know you do- if you feel unclear, take a nice deep breath, connect with spirit/God/your higher self, and ask what messages would serve you in this very moment~ this has been your radio host vi-vi talkin🎙, and I'll catch at your pile~🖋️✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖✮pile 1✮˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Five of Swords (reversed), Five of Wands (reversed), Ace of Wands, The Hierophant, Page of Cups (bottom of deck)

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ (slight 18+ cw) Libra/air placemnets, 7th house (Sun/Moon/Rising/Mercury/7h dominant etc), 1 house placements, Aries placements/degrees (Moon/Rising, etc), Nepo baby/“girl(boy/kid)-next-door” vibes, hair extentions, “going blonde”, Legally Blonde, angel numbers 1111, 222, 2424, 1234, channeled songs, Casual - Chappell Roan + How to be a Heartbreaker - MARINA

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Hello my pile 1s!!!!! omg i wanted to jump right in but I feel the need to greet you into this becaussse- omg you are gorgeous- like I am being so fr DO NOT play yourself down I can hear the mind chatter of some of you gearing up at me saying that,-shut that shish down. on the other side of this group,- you already know you were born beautiful, raised beautiful, and have always been your own created beauty, you’re so tapped into that and really you always have- so I want everyone in this pile, to align to that energy rn. 👏R👏N👏. No matter your upbringing, whatever your family told you, your past friend groups, your classmates,- you don’t got to do or be someone else’s anything. you speak for yourselfff- and you always have!! no matter how deep your security periods were, you still radiated- radiance💎 and strength- damn you guys are strong, no matter how “submissive” some of yall feel to be (your vulnerability is divine btw and def a part of your strength)- you are strong af. strong in only a way the wind is (I mean think of how destructive that nature can be yet how soothing its flow is when it is calm) or a polished pillar… I JUST KEEP HEARING IT- YOU GUYS ARE BEAUTIFULLLL. ugh I gotta get into more dets for you- I’m hearing that some of you are blonde (natural/dyed/bleached it dont matter) and damn does it make you look like a star ☆- PLEASEEE YOU’RE A STARRR ♥️- sorry- it looks so good on you the more fair aura because that is definitely the color of your aura in social situations (I’m hearing pale lavender, blue, pink, yellow), I’m hearing you have very calming eyes.. something about the color of your eyes is very “even” in color, or you may know how to keep very even eye contact and that makes the color of your eyes stand out (anyyy eye color- I’m even seeing some of you may have a kind of heterochromia where you may have a dot of brown in your blue iris/other colors apply, etc), some of the people who you’ve kept such level eye contact with during conversation- they think they’d be able to see your eyes in a dark room they stand out so much…

oh my god pile 1 you are a star- moving forward I have to mention, some of you are very proud brunettes- as you fucking should be because oh my jesus that’s hot, your hot, you are a star ★, a superstar- I am not just saying that holy shit. I’m seeing you may stand out in your friend group or who you usually hang out with due to your coloring whatever that may mean (for example cus we’re on the topic of hair- you may be a blonde within a lot of brunettes, or vice versa- you may have brown eyes among a bunch of blue/green eyes, vice versa- you may be only one who tans, has lots of birth marks, wears their hair natural, etc etc),- now I’m hearing I should be giving random styling opinions/boosting- so if you have a y2k grunge aesthetic, or old hollywood glam style you look incredibleeee- don’t you fucking dare bring your body type into this- if you’re an apple body you look like literal heaven in a pair of low rise bedazzled jeans- long straight hair looks so good with your body shape, get wigs if you’ve been thinking about it- get braids if you’ve been wanting them- different color highlights is definitely a good idea (blonde, orange, blue, purple), tighter tops look so good on your body shape (lace up ones or ones with details/graphtics)- a clean sleek white dress would literally ☆shock☆ everyone in a room who knows you/your style (and ppl who don’t know you loll), nude makeup that matches the rest of your undertones, glossy press on nails, one piece of jewelry per type here and there,- some more gn/masc opinions I’m hearing are more shaped clothes, botton downs tucked in high rise straight down jeans/pants (showcase the shape of your shoulders and waist a bit moreee)- I’m hearing if you were to wear a brooch of somekind on your shirt pocket you’d drive someone “wild”-… I MEAN MAYBE THAT’LL JUST BE ME 💞💀- curls look so great on you also, like if you did a larger loose curl somewhere in the front of your hair- gel curls would also look hot on you- star accents of some kind (jewelry, belt charms, keychains, even tattoos),,, you are totally someone’s “pretty boy”/“pretty girl”/“pretty baby”… OH MY GOD THIS IS A RELATIONSHIPS/FRIENDSHIPS PAC WHERE WAS III-

so I was getting into it even in the energy check-in some of you may be coming from a place of past drama- yes I said past bc even if it's fresh it will be past, and in that it is already the past babe. so anyway- there is something.. romantic here- possibly, but really I’m hearing you are in admiration by a lot of eyes-… now I’m hearing “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid lol BAHHA oooohh~ you think your life is really mundane and so you’re hearing me say you have eyeballs on you like “… I leave my house once a week”- …bitch- your envioment means nothinggg and can change when you want it to fr. no matter your place this is your natural energy- I’m hearing your natural energy is being a socialite- and I mean you are meant to shine like a glittery star in various rooms- WITH YOUR GAL PALS!! this can even apply for going into a business/professional environment where you speak and interact with a lot of people and you are at the center of that- But anyway take it where it may apply. for some of you- you may do amazing in more queer centered places (clubs, awareness groups, or even drag shows in your area), places with a lot of creativity in relation to fashion (maybe even theater?) and makeup- for others here you should get out more in your school/college (gardening clubs or outdoor volunteer work would definitely benefit you), even if it’s just walking around your enviroment- wherever you walk you own, and you make yourself known…

I’m seriously feeling that so hard- AND SOME OF YOU DARE TO TURN A BLIND EYE TO YOUR OWN INNER SHINE. it's seriously beginning to bug me how you’re still staying in this insecure, bitter, fearful, energy, that is not yours but you continue to claim it!!! WTF. anyways, to those of you resonating with that- I’m being sooo fr, as soon as you kick those feelings to the curb (to be run over and killed 💅) and you fully allow yourself to bloom and allow the sun to shine on you- there will be buzzing. BUZZINGGGG🐝. put yourself out there and seriously just experiment with what it feels like to be with different social groups, don’t take it personally, expect nothing, just do it for your own self experimentation~ doesn’t that sound fun??? I'm getting the tingles just thinking about it~again with those spaces I talked about, no matter your feelings- wherever you walk you own. you belong because you know you belong in yourself. that’s your natural state and no matter how vicious some people were in seeing that in you, you still own that about you ☆ and it is your choice to use that divine gift given to you. please trust and believe when I say that once you step into that inner, pure, state of being- you will be divinely protected, any ◉ attacks are small potatoes and will be diced.

ANYWAYS WOOO- ummm all those spaces that I mentioned are fully open to you, and are definitely where you’ll meet your tribe- again, I’m seeing your “tribe” will more so be you being you and coming in and receiving a lot of admiration- people will just love to talk to you as soon as you come in (I’m seeing especially for the queer/fashion/creative group people coming up to you with armfuls of clothing joyfully wanting your opinion I loveee this for you)- I’m speaking about the future mainly to my more underdeveloped group of this pile, but let me jump into the future which is the place some of you are very much stepping into rn!!!- you’re having people crossing their legs in club booths to fit more people into your get to together- BAHHA- people want to be close to you, catch up, ask where you’ve been traveling to or what you’re wearing- and you’re finally soaking it all up and sitting so relaxed, your smile is dazzling and you’re taking a nice breath in and out as all of this healthily regulates your ego + your higher self.. this is honestly giving that if you weren’t the “queen bee” in your high school- you are now but in your 20s/30s/40s/etc!! and you’re handling it amazingly well, because you still choose to go home solo most nights still high and happy ♡ I love this for you. you also get asked to be the leader or placed as the head of a lot of different projects- it’s more so you oversee them and everyone works around you- the thing is, that you don’t let all this go to your head because you’ve already grounded your self-worth- and because of that attitude, people then want you around even more. when you come in, people want you in your group for the day/hour/20 minutes before another group wants you lol.

you’re fabulous ok? it’s more than fine to be that, it’s divine ♡! soo many people are going to feel like the moth to your flame, it’s already been destined to happen literally😵💫!!!! just keep a watch out for the ones taking too much from you or being up and down with their give-and-take from you, because you deserve someone/people around you who stay hot for you and fan your bright flame while enjoying its warmth (unless they need their own personal space- ppl are ppl, not npcs lol)… I guess I should just briefly state before I finish your reading- the chorus of Casual by Chappell Roan was replaying through your whole reading- I’m not saying this as a cop-out, you have people stopping and, in fact, falling to their knees when they’re in your energy. I see one or two people who are already a part of your larger group environment being very infatuated with you (and I’d definitely keep your eye on them and remain open to this possibility- for some of you this special someone is in your group setting is so pure in their affection towards you and could,, be the one. I'm dead serious about that- but also HEHHEHHEHE💞- oh how I love-love♡),- but I’m mainly seeing a lot of first dates for you guys as you continue to get out there, and that is far from a bad thing because- who wouldn’t want a change at even just one date with you??? (take rejection as non-personal ofc- ppl have free will- and stupidity) and also you get the chance to see how you adapt and interact with new people which is terrific for you!! mannn do I see you getting accepted and taken out by so many people, assholes included but also a lot of “gentlemen”/“babes” who will gladly treat you extremely well and or will be pulling all the charm and fun within them for you- even if they know it’s just one night with you… I’ll just say, you do attract people who want to serve you… on their knees definitely-

AND THAT IS WHERE I WILL LEAVE ITTTTT FOR NOWWW- I’m so so soooo happy to have had you all here todayyyy your life is seriously going to keep going up-up and away if you’ll just allow yourself to see that steady climb and trust it <3 I seriously love youuuu I almost don’t want you to leaveee just like how everyone else feels BAHHA- love you.~

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “Knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out is it casual now- two weeks and your mom invites me to her house in Long Beach is it casual now” - “it’s hard being casual when i’m on the phone talking down your sister”

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ "This is how to be a heartbreaker- boys they like a little danger" - "singing I lo-lo-love you"

⋆ ˖✮pile 2✮˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Ten of Pentacles (reversed), Ace of Pentacles, Nine of Cups, Queen of Cups, Six of Swords (reversed) (bottom of deck)

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Aquarius/Gemini/Libra placements, Capricorn/earth placements, Mercury dominant, Saturn dominant, 2nd house placements black lace, black on black, cinnamon, The Spice Girls, The Cheeta Girls, H2O, 2000s nostalgia, high school reunions, ex-friendship rebirth, stand up, saturday night bars, life path number 11, angel numbers 1111, 1212, 1313, 1221, channeled songs, Party for One - Carly Rae Jepsen, Heat Waves - Glass Animals

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ You guys are funny- just gonna say it off the bat I’m feeling silly with you rn ngl BAHHAHHAhehe- ok um HI PILE 2S!! I shouldn’t yell- let me not yell- some of you are coming from pile 1,, heyyy pile 1s~ ouw~ ok ok, you smiling could light up a room, a house, a complex, a broken oven. AHAHAH- what beautiful teeth and lips you have there- pile 2s. I’m seeing, so many different teeth and lip shapes before you come for me- straight, crooked, vener-white, “needs-a-cleaning” off-white, upside down smiles, nonsymmetrical dimples, big lips, small lips, uneven lips, scarred lips- you get it, I don’t give a shit. when you smile and give that big cackle, chuckle, chortle- you do what you do with joy- and people believe in jesus. people believe that pigs really do have wings. people believe that the sun must shine from your ass. truly. I mean truly. I’m sitting here with my fingers together like- hm. yes. how do I write this all- with a straight face without being sardonic… sardonic? do you guys read? I think you read. now I’m hearing “you thought you ate that-“ that meme, I know that you know it- let me stop. for-… 5 minutes… so we would probably connect really well- which is why I am all over the place, because you are also all over the place (yes I am shading you. respectfully.) someone here does really good impressions, including animals… whatever that means…- BAHAH, you guys would do great in stand up of some kind, either that or you’re known as the funny co-worker. you guys have this range when it comes to your sense of humor, where it is either very dry, with the most composed pauses (when I manage to do that without bursting into your own laughter), and or you guys are so fast like- the editing of a youtube video fast with the jokes- and or a mixture of the two where you’re able to pull off very intricate jokes very quickly in the moment. and jeeze people find you so charming, even more so because of the way you look as well, it’s almost weirdly uncanny to some people how someone with the level of physical attractiveness that you carry (it’s so heavy and so much I know it’s so hard✨) and you then can pull off such- hilarity. and they're like- “…do they know they could be a model??? like- are they aware?? are they using this comedy because they don’t see that about themselves??”… it’s giving “i didn’t know women could be funny” (goes for nb/men too ofc)…

wow- kill them with a spoon 🥄- anyways WOW. so I think you may have, a lot of perceptions of you by people around you who haven’t known you for very long, mainly revolving around your looks- yes your looks. your modesty is attractive but it won’t fly in this courtroom👩‍⚖️- you are attractive in some way, or have an appearance that people definitely admire- but also scrutinize, or underestimate… you definitely get belittled. ok- that sucks- point them out to me?… yea I thought so they are so ew. I don’t care if that person is your mother, your father, or your co-workers who’ve been working at the place for 5 years longer than you- they are ew. anyone who puts you down due to their own pre-made perception of you is ew. ick even. yea, I’m seeing the issue here is not like most other piles I read for where it’s a growth journey with self and insecurity- no you’re good rn you’re like totally chilling. and I love that because I’m chill now, I’m dipping my tea bag up and down and sitting with you I’m so chill. but I had to look into anything going on because- drama, keeps you reading. so main issue I’m exposing is that there are people around you, in your space, a space you “have” to be in like work or even college classes I’m hearing- most people around you mind their own business, good on them, I love them- other people… they dress you up as something in their mind for their own- amusement?? or to feel a sense of having an eagle eye over “you”- and I say “you” in quotations because wtf- they do this… so as to spice up their own boring life? this is a weird form of admiration, because even if it’s a shitty thing to see you as, with them placing you so strongly in this box- they’ve placed you also on this pedestal… that’s probably why even with this obvious bullshit you’re still just chilling- because you know that if someone has built this all up to be who you are- it means you’re the best. and they’re the lowest. the end. anyway my back hurts- someone here likes podcasts, I’m seeing the The Broski Report podcast (broski nation✊) and also Murder, Mystery, & Makeup- again you guys really just chill, drink a bit of wine and entertain yourself.- so let me move onnn and see what transformations might be gearing up in your social life hun~

ok so it’s not “crickets” happening in your social life, not at all- but again you guys are just so, content and used to yourselves (this is my pile who talks to themselves in the mirror I see you)- when I asked yall if you felt lonely I literally drew a blank. and this is actually perfect because it’s seriously when you’re not looking/expecting and you're all good with what you have that you get given so much- so this is where I’m going to remind you all to actively meditate on keeping yourself open. don’t expect anything, just stay open and ponder what you’d like- and you’ll receive. that’s literally it. you’re in prime manifesting energy with how content and at peace you are in yourself- do you know how much you attract when you do that shit???? remain. open. and. aware. of anything that may happen, even if someone trips in front of you and you gain a brief interaction or someone asks you where to find extra office supplies and you show them the supply closet- see your abundance, allow it, remain without expectations. you are literally in the perfect energy for so much. You guys are definitely the type however to be really fine with only a few close friends you can have some fun with (and or have a nervous breakdown with) and some family… but I think this contentment you have with yourself, might have come from you feeling- misunderstood in your sense of humor or self-expression. I gotta say, you definitely handled that disappointment well, since instead of dulling yourself you just shine more inwardly for your own enjoyment and entertainment- and that’s wonderful! but I do gotta say- I know you can feel a bit, pent up. due to a lot of your big personality being fitted within you, and that’s fantastic truly- but also it has the same effect of being stuck in your house alone for one week too long. maybe that’s why you read when you can- you get to be in a very expansive and wide world that feels different from your own… oh god did I make you yearn???? oops I’m sorry. anyways!!

you’d really thrive in some environment that feels more- “widespread” I suppose, that doesn’t mean cracking yourself open to a room of strangers, I mean just sharing yourself- still from a place of your own entertainment- what I mean is that it’d be really healthy for you to find an outlet for the pent up jitters you get- find it online if you want to try that, try little baby steps, why not?- go on one-time dates just to release a bit of what you keep inside you- interact with random people sitting next to you at bars,- no attachments, just feel out what you feel when you let your inward personality, be more outward- on a lease 🐩. I’m hearing some of you may be a little fearful of attachment even, work that out- that doesn’t mean you’ll then sacrifice your peace, you’ll just gain a wider world for yourself by gaining new connections- and obviously, with the personality and personhood that you have- you can totally just pick and choose who gets to be a part of that world and your time! you owe nothing to anyone. do you have any actual clue how many people are out there, whose perception of you is not just what they observe, but what you actually are? and their perception of you actually helps you and is used to contribute to your happiness and peace??? yea. having actual friends is freaking great. and the more you simply open yourself up to that- while staying aware and choosing who you want- that is going to be the big door that’ll be opened to you- you’ll receive so many amazing experiences and will shift and broaden your world and the worlds of others, you’ll be like a big tree, growing it’s roots around other trees- isn’t that soooo cute??? ok I’m trying to see into the future details in regards to you finding your “tribe”- spirit is honestly wanting things to be vague, so as you can remain open without any expectations. kk? I mean what I mentioned with the earlier situations gives you the clues to follow if you so choose- just be youuuu. you have more opportunities than you realize and you got all the answers to what to do within you. trust me when I say you’ll be running down the street in weird clothes and pearls, scream laughing out of breath with two girls who love you… that’s for someone here and it also applies to everyone here~

okkk pile 2s, it was stimulating being with you I’m nearly sick❤️ BAHAH anyways, in regards to any avoidant/anxious-avoidant attachment issues, just remember that heartbreak sucks, but heartbreak always just makes you hotter, and funnier. you prove that- that outcome is very real every day you exist as yourself… OKKK love you byeee❤️♡

deadass as I channeled this song, I was questioning if it was correct- and I look up to see one of your angel numbers 1212 on the clock- and then again 1221 as I type this lolll

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “Once upon a time I thought you wanted me was there no one else to kiss- was it all a dream I let myself believe, I’m not over this, but I’m trying” - “party for one, if you don’t care about me, I’ll just dance with myself, back on my beat- I’ll be the one, if you don’t care about me, making love to myself, back on my beat”

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “Sometimes all I think about is you- late nights in the middle of June, heat waves been fakin’ me out, can’t make you happier now”

⋆ ˖✮pile 3✮˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮ ˖ ⋆

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Page of Swords (reversed), Seven of Cups, Six of Cups (reversed), The High Priestess (reversed), The Moon (bottom of deck)

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Cancer/Pisces/Scorpio placements, Libra/air placements, Leo/fire Placements, 5th house placements (Venus, Mars, Jupitar, Rising, etc), inner child, old friendships, childhood renewal, 1111, 333, 444, Only Yesterday (1991), horses, channeled songs, Wildflowers and Wild Horses - Lainey Wilson, Cheap Queen - King Princess

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ Ok- Hi my pile 3s! and also my pile 2s because some of yall did not leave yet and have stayed for the next reading- like seriously this whole pac is connected rn- also happy 1111 as I write this!!! um oh my gosh let me start- you are so beautiful, yes I said it for the 3rd time in this pac post why are you on my ass‼️- its so true, you all have this classic beauty, it is timeless- you are timeless- or from a different time in your aura, your beauty, how you carry yourself in this world- etc etc… and when I say “different time” I don’t just mean you embody this feminine/masculine balance straight out of the 1970s, 40s, 50s, 20s,- and all the other time periods before/after I just mentioned- I also mean you still carry with you the time you had as a young child, you carry with you the sunshine you felt on your skin when you were 3-6 yo, and the snow you felt on your hands when you were 8-11… you have kept this purity and innocence and grown with it- and holy cow do I need to congratulate you and the strength of your spirit- so often we are forced to “leave behind” our childhood years and perspective due to difficult events or what people expect of you while you reside in this worldly- world. -which really that just means internalizing and hiding away in the closet the purest state of yourself (*also this is my more queer-centric pile so hellooo my fellow queer community ✨☀️)- this is putting a hole in my own heart being in how free and high spirited you are, and how you fully embody that and always have ☀️. you have kept that warmed and soaked up the same sunshine as you did all those years ago- it might not even feel like years to you, it feels like only yesterday your childhood was your state of being and all around you- and now, you are a bit bigger but you may live in this state that no time has passed- does that make sense?? ugh dude I hope so, your energy is like the sunshine, in that, I can’t reach out and physically be in your presence- but more so I’m trying to sit in your light while my vision gets spotty and I get a little dizzy… as in- you guys are out of this worlddd💫!!! you might even be told by your family or your peers that you tend to make them “dizzy” with how you communicate- you may be the type to jump from one topic to another, while you fold your laundry- and tidy your desk drawers- and walk into another room *backward* because you are still talking and describing a detail that is “important” to the story you were recounting 10 minutes ago- you sweet thing!!!! this is adorable to be in,, if anyone’s ever made you feel bad about how you communicate, do not take it personally- its always good karma to be considerate of other’s sensitivities, but everything you do is so pure hearted- it would be so phony and ridiculous to believe any crap people say about you to be truthful. your energy is so pure and truly yours, this is your sign and confirmation to continue to not live for the external views of others and live life through your own view ☀️. Oh- i keep getting horse imagery- horses may be significant for some of you, it may be your spirit animal or a spirit guide that is close to you may take the energetic appearance of a horse (in particular for some of you it’s a very strong and matured brown colored horse of some breed), or some of you grew up around horses in some way!

Oh this is random but you may be the type to enjoy having your playlists on shuffle lol- because I just suddenly began mentally playing Cheap Queen by King Princess- so this is definitely where I will now channel the dets about your social environment my dear~!! ok sooo- I’m seeing various different types of family dymanics, big families, med sized families, even 2 person families (you + a guardian)- I sense that you have close family ties, and i know family can be complex, so let me state some variouions of what that means- you may have a close familiarity to your family’s home or yard (maybe even your neighborhood area), such as knowing every little creak that your house makes when you go to the kitchen to get a morning cup of water, I’m seeing for some of you- you are very tied to your sibling dymamic if you have siblings (I accidently wrote in all caps at first and I scared myself lol- so you may come from a family where loudness is common part of the jokes you share), or maybe even kids you knew in your neighborhood if you played with them often- things like that have stuck with you inrelation to what you look for in anykind of companionship, a sense of familiarity~ this is def the pile who believes in being drawn to your soulmate(s) or past life connections lol~ so while you have that grounded energy in wanting stablity, you also are an entertainer and you know how to have a good time!! as you should since you totally fly like a fabulous canary from room to room- you should feel more confident when you dance btw, put more energy into your shoulders with joy because the way you move literally energizes people-

now I’m getting messages on how you connect to your inner child, I’ve said before you already naturally embody your inner child (“just in a bigger body” I’m hearing- some of you may have had a big physical growth spirut as a child btw), but some messages in regards to connecting to your inner child for those of you who need some answers is to engage in more activities that return yourself to a past peaceful enviroment, this is also for those who had a more chaotic upbringing and had to turn inwardly for peace ❤️- taste is a really important sense for you returning to that younger state of peace, so certain candies (I’m hearing those fruit rollups I love those still) or fruits, snacks- simple dishes that made younger you excited and brought you joy- also I’m hearing something about sleepovers and evening activities/coziness~ so grab some blankets and make an event of staying up late if you already do that lol- anyways!! let me get back to how fun you truly are to be around my dear, I mean, seriously! If you have the opportunity go out when you can, if you already have a friend or someone familiar go to a house party nearby (keep yourselves safe!), try rollerskating if you haven’t, and get closer to someone you already know and show your colors- DRESS UP!!!! I know life can be bleak especially when you feel that life is very "closed off" and dead lol- but when I tell you the phrase “dress for the life you want”- I mean ittt~ it will align you with the environment that you desire and it will come to you so naturally (in the same way you making a coffee and taking your dog for a walk is a natural occurrence in your life!)- I’m hearing that the connections that you already have in your life are “all you need”, and by that I mean you can build off of those and shoot farther into the sky full of stars meant for you 💫. I’m hearing the quote about drawing back your arrow before you can shoot forward- if you’re feeling stuck right now, this is what I’m trying to tell you, blossom exactly where you are right now, and everything else will simply follow!!! and I know that takes courage but I KNOW you have it because it was child you’s courage that got you to this future you are currently in~ and when you start to embody their courage along with their light, I know it will be the turning point to creating the life you were always dreaming and painting in your mind~ I’m seeing bright neon lights, holding hands and toothy-laughing grins, your clothes looking exactly how you pictured months ago- this is what I see happening in the future!! please stay open to some of the connections you already have- renew them is what I’m hearing (but please follow your intuition, if you need to cut everyone except for one or two true connections then that is the right thing for you to do)- if these are people who you knew when you were a lot younger then bond on the older times and use that energy to renew into more new memories,- these older connections you have you could definitely collaborate with to mutually make new connections and go towards new experiences- I’m hearing maybe even to “get out of this town”... phew pile 3!!!! what a way to end this pac, so happy to have met you and I feel like I took a nap in the sun- I’m really on some hazy ish rn lolll but I really hope I was helpful in any questions or worries on your beautiful mind~ I LOVE YOUUU so much, you better keep on shining- even if that’s just in front of your mirror, that’s perfect and valid ☀️👏

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “I'm five generations of blazin' a trail- through barb-wired valleys and overgrown dells- I'm barefoot and bareback and born tough as nails” - “I push like a daisy through old sidewalk cracks” - “yeah, my kinda crazy's still runnin' its courses with wildflowers and wild horses”

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️ “I've been alright, I’ve just been doing the same shit I've always liked- like smoking and movies and homies who bring me wine” - “-all of my girls get up early and stay out late- they drive all the way to the west side to see my face- that's good love- and I ain't no big baller when it's fake friends you're callin’”

⋆ ˖

✮

⋆ ˖ ✮🖋️am I actually going to (*schedule to*) post this omg it feels like forever since i did this.. where was i even? whatever- its whatever- holy shit I'm putting myself out there!!!! praise be!!!! omg I'm going to get one extra hour of sleep as a treat🍰

love, vi~♡

#୨୧┈♡ vi post #୨୧┈♡ vi pac #pac #pac tarot #pick an image #pick a card #pick a card reading #pick a picture #pick a pile

728 notes · View notes

heesdreamer · 2 years ago

Text

let you break my heart again

PAIRING ➩ jake x reader

SUMMARY ➩ attending the same college as your childhood friend ( and longtime crush ) jake sim, you weren’t prepared for the complete change in his personality.

GENRE ➩ playboy au! jake. based off the lyrics of the ‘let you break my heart again’ by laufey. romance ( slight angst )

WARNINGS ➩ suggestive content at times

WC ➩ 9.08k

feeling kind of sick tonight all ive had is coffee and leftover pie, it’s no wonder why

“I’m doing fine here mom…. no it’s great, I’ve made lots of friends. Of course I’m eating well mom, but I really don’t have time for this I’m super busy. No I love you too. Yes I will, talk soon bye.”

Hanging up the phone, you let it fall onto the floor beside you. You were sprawled out on your stiff couch, staring up at the chipping paint on the ceiling and letting your hand dangle off so your fingers were just barely brushing the carpeted floor.

It was starting to become exhausting to lie to your mom, at first it was merely an annoyance but now you genuinely felt like you were committing some sick act every time you spoke. Luckily for you, the longer you were away from home, she called less and less.

Moving away from your hometown always seemed big and scary to you and that’s why you longed for it so bad.

But here you were now and the excitement of an unpredictable independent city life was dimmed down and you were just left with a low amount of funds, and possibly a stress induced head cold.

oh, still you take up all my mind

Your phone buzzing lowly against the carpet caused your head to turn dramatically, leaning over with a groan and fumbling to grab it from off the floor in a haste.

Holding it up above your face, you squinted at the bright screen, and sighed when you realized it was just another spam email and not the message you’d been awaiting. Around this time yesterday you had drunkenly sent a message to Jake Sim, more on him later, and now you were sitting in misery waiting for his response.

Jake Sim was the only other person from your hometown that you knew who had made the move to the city. He actually was the original inspiration for your plans in the first place, being one year older and moving before you even finished high school.

At one point you’d have like to consider yourself friends, running in the same social circle and even hanging out one on one more than a couple of times. You weren’t exactly sure if he thought of you the same considering outside of your few close friends, he had lots of other connections and you completely lacked in that department.

i dont even think that you care like i do

Still, a true naive romantic at heart, you fell for him years ago and despite your knowledge that it can’t be more than a fleeting crush at most, you still felt the want to stay close to him even now.

When you first moved here and met with your dorm roommate, a small chirpy girl named Brit, she was kind and friendly and invited you out to a ‘start of the year’ party with a big warm smile.

“Y/N?” A voice coming from behind you caused you to freeze slightly at the recognition, never being able to miss his smooth low timber, before taking a deep breath and putting on a casual face as you turned around.

“Oh my god, Jake hi.” You were relieved that your voice came out surprised and natural, adorning an affectionate smile and resisting the urge to tug down your dress.

The dress in which his eyes were scaling down, an eyebrow cocked and then lowered when he met your gaze again and realized you were watching him check you out.

You were making your own quick assessments, his newly bleached hair looked darker than it did on his social medias, coasting closer to an ash honey color. You subconsciously raised a hand and pulled your hair in front of your shoulder.

“Why didn’t I know you went here?” He was taking a step closer to you and pulling you into a swift side hug, not moving away even after you both pulled apart. He was leaning against the wall and titling over you.

For a moment you almost frowned, almost told him that you had mentioned it a few times on both socials and in the slowly disappearing group chat of your high school friend group. Then you quickly remembered tonight was the first step in your attempt to stop being embarrassing.

So instead you slowly raised your shoulders in a relaxed shrug, turning so your back was against the wall he was leaning on and you weren’t facing him anymore. A smirk appeared on his face and for a moment you thought he might be seeing right through your act.

“Well, hit me up sometime then.” When he spoke this time it was a low murmur, leaning down to whisper it against your ear. You were positive he saw the shiver wrack through you and judging by the way he laughed and pushed off the wall, heading back into the crowd, you were right.

i should stop, heaven knows ive tried

You grabbed the couch pillow from beside you and pressed it tightly over your face, screaming into it and flailing your feet against the cushions. Their lack of foam and spring caused a low dull of pain to form in your legs but you ignored it.

You didn’t ever take Jake up on his offer, deciding that part of your new persona was definitely not going to include pining over boys who never looked your way. That didn’t mean you were giving up on your feelings, you just planned to have him come to you.

That lasted a total of five weeks and four glasses of wine before you were tipsy and sending him a message on Instagram that included four emojis and way too many exclamation points, inviting him to the party your roommate was throwing.

Said party was happening tomorrow and you felt weak and sweaty at both the thought of him not showing up and how awkward it would be if he did. A large part of you wanted to unsend the message but you imagined him seeing the notification that you did so and then questioning what you had said would be far worse than him seeing your invite and ignoring it.

“Girl is it that serious?” The sound of your roommates voice caused you to toss the pillow across the room and turn to see her judging face.

“Why did you let me do that.” You groaned out the words and turned on your side to face the couch. You felt the cushion dip as she sat next to where your head laid and let out a small sigh.

“What’s the worse that’ll happen?” Her voice was soft and you once again silently thanked the universe for giving you the nicest girl in the city as a roommate. “You said you’d been into him since like middle school.”

You didn’t say anything for a while and the guilt seeped in when you heard another small sigh fall from her lips.

“It’ll be fun regardless if he shows up, I promise.”

——

You were absolutely not having fun. It was almost impossible to considering you had spent the whole night anxiously keeping an eye out for Jake incase he decided to show up and ruin your life.

Giving up on trying to hold conversations, you started to swiftly make your way to the kitchen with the plan to duck behind the counters and wait for the night to end so you could crawl back onto your couch, which was currently housing multiple make out sessions, and resume last nights position.

“Are you avoiding me?” You had just turned the corner into the off limits room when you smacked into a strong frame, his voice immediately following and alerting you of who it was.

You backed away quickly and looked up at Jake, eyes trailing down to his black button up before stopping at his belt and looking to your right awkwardly. He let out a small chuckle and leaned forward to tap a finger against your head softly.

“Did you hear me?” He teased and you came to the realization that he was a lot different than he was back in your hometown, and unlike you, his cool show of confidence was genuine.

one day i will stop falling in love with you

You felt like a total idiot as you brought your attention back to him, looking up through your eyelashes to hold his gaze and you suddenly realized that you liked this newer cockier version of him too.

Being so used to his younger personality, his loud attention stealing laugh and big boxy smiles, you were hoping that the sight of his low lazy smirks would unnerve you. You wished his lack of usual dog like goofiness and awkward clumsy movements would wake you up out of your years of pining.

Yet watching him casually leaned against your wall and taking a slow sip from his cup, keeping eye contact with you over the brim, you considered the fact you might be more into him than you’d realized.

“I’m not avoiding you.” You finally replied, furrowing your eyebrows and crossing your arms in an attempt to show annoyance at the (totally true) accusation.

“I think you might be.” He let out a low hum, clearly enjoying teasing you and you felt your face flush when he leaned closer, similar to the way he peered over you the last time you’d seen him. “You know what else I think?”

You forced yourself to hold eye contact with him despite the close proximity and you raised an eyebrow in question. You felt the ghost of his breath on your face and you wondered what you would look like if somebody were to walk in right now.

“I think you look pretty.” He finished off his thought and you felt like your stomach flip upside down, your breath stuttering as you faltered backwards a few steps. Your felt the wall of the doors archway hit your shoulder blades and stopped.

Jake followed your movements, taking a few steps so he was just as close to you as he was previously.

Despite your obvious reaction to his effect on you, you still tried to show some dignity here before it was totally clear to him what a loser you were. You sucked in a deep breath and crossed your arms infront of you so he couldn’t come any closer.

“Who says I care what you think?” He smiled widened at your annoyed tone, clearly catching on to the fact that you were playing hard to get. His eyes dropped down to your chest where your arms were crossed and then back to your face.

You tried to control your breathing as you felt his hand smooth it’s way up your tensed arm, stopping at your face as he held your chin between his thumb and pointer finger. You watched him through your eyelashes as he titled your head up slightly and you, for a second, thought he let out a pleased scoff at the way you let him adjust you without complaint.

He was leaning in to talk again and you briefly noted that it wasn’t nearly loud enough for how close he was getting to your face, your eyes were darting around his features nervously as you waited for him to speak.

“Y/N.” The tension popped like it’d been stabbed with a knife, or rather by a poorly timed interruption by the name of Lee Heeseung. Jake didn’t back away from you, although his hand caressed your cheek before falling back towards your side, even when the other boys eyes widened at the sight of you pinned against the wall.

It didn’t surprise you when he leaned over your frame and gave Heeseung a handshake in greeting, considering he knew everybody, but what did slightly shock you was the annoyance on his face. Despite greeting his friend warmly, he didn’t seem at all happy to be interrupted.

His eyebrows were tensely pulled to the center of his forehead and he glanced at you with anger, eyes softening again when they met yours.

You, on the other hand, were extremely grateful for the excuse to get out of this room that was suffocating you with tension and confusion. You titled your head in Heeseung’s direction to ask why he had come to find you in the first place.

“Brit’s throwing up.” He winced as he said your roommates name, glancing back behind him towards the direction of the party. “Like kinda everywhere… I figured you’d want all of us out of here.”

You sighed softly and ignored the way Jake lowly groaned and took a few steps away from you, seemingly understanding the situation was too important for you to ignore. You offered him an apologetic smile and avoided his gaze.

“I’ll see you around?”

——

some day, someone will like me like i like you

It had taken just short of two hours to clear the apartment, and then almost double that to clean up the absolute destruction that was left behind by random classmates and passerbyers. Not to mention the almost extreme amount of vomit your roommate had managed to spew in multiple corners.

“I just want to be dead.” Said roommate was currently stealing your favorite position of sulking in misery on your couch. “And why does our couch fucking suck this bad.”

You let out a small laugh and she groaned at the noise, putting her hands over her eyes and mumbling about how embarrassing it must’ve been.

“I’m so sorry you had to clean it all by yourself.” She was mumbling and you smiled in her direction, doubtful she was looking at you or even able to see that far in her current state.

“I wasn’t by myself don’t worry.” She perked up at this, sitting up on the couch with another groan but looking far more alert. You shook your head and sighed out an explanation. “Heeseung stayed back to help. I felt bad that he did so I offered to get him coffee today”

“Oh my god.” She chirped loudly and threw her hands up in the air, hangover momentarily forgotten. You let her show a theatric amount of excitement, knowing she was desperate for you to have any sort of social life outside of stalking Jake on Instagram. “You have a date!”

“I absolutely do not have a date.” You shook your head again and left the kitchen, sitting cross legged next to her on the couch and looking at her intensely. “I’m serious Brit this isn’t a date, so don’t tell people I have a date.”

She pouted at you, and then even deeper when you rolled your eyes at her attempt to woo you with her cuteness.

“But it’s a big deal if it’s a date.” She tried to reason with you. “Besides even if it’s not a date maybe hearing you went on one will wake Jake up to the fact he’s missing out on all of this.”

You ignored the way she gestured down your body and seductively wiggled her eyebrows, remembering that you had forgotten to mention your intense stare down with Jake from last night. You decided it was best to not mention it so she wouldn’t feel guilty for getting sick even more than she already did.

Her idea of making Jake jealous was completely baseless and had no chance of working but for some reason you recalled the anger on his face when Heeseung interrupted you and your stomach turned with anticipation.

“Okay but you can only tell one person.”

——

until then, ill drink my coffee and eat my pie

It had been an hour and a half of sitting at the designated meeting spot Heeseung had texted you earlier that morning, and you were still alone minus the three empty coffee cups surrounding you.

You were trying to feign casualness so the waitress couldn’t tell you had been stood up on your date that wasn’t a date and that you were failing to prove that you weren’t a total loser still.

The chime of the door didn’t register to you, at this point you had stopped expecting him to show up and you were fully prepared to hide your face in class for the rest of your life and ban all contact with Lee Heeseung. Not even the sound of the seat next to you being pulled out caught your attention, only sinking lower in your stool at the bar.

A few moments of silence passed and you were just about to turn your head to the side, curious why the person sitting so close to you hadn’t made any move to order or seemingly breathe when they cleared their throat.

You hoped the way your eyes widened, mouth parting slightly in surprise, weren’t the reason for the proud smile on Jake’s face as he shifted in his seat next to you.

“Oh my god, what the fuck are you doing here?” You groaned and attempted to shrink in on yourself. Not only were you humiliated from being stood up, but now the last person you’d want to see you like this was here and smiling over at you.

“Here to save you from loneliness.” He was still smiling brightly, pointing at your emptied cup in a signal to the waitress for a refill. For a moment he resembled the younger Jake you were familiar with and your frown worsened. “Being ditched sucks.”

“How do you even know about that.” You grumbled, energy lost from the day. You gave a nod in thanks to the server who was filling up the mug you clutched tightly.

“Brit.” He shrugged and you groaned again at the realization your roommate had infact told more than one person about your meetup. “But you’re here alone so I pieced it together.”

pretend that we are more than friends

“Not technically alone I guess.” You reasoned and he smiled again as you spoke, seemingly happy that you were teasing back. You glanced at the waitress who was back behind the counter and she smiled when she met your gaze. Your face flushed, she must’ve figured your date had finally shown up.

“Well I don’t know about you but I feel like there’s better things we can do than sit in this coffee shop for another few hours.” He was standing from his stool as he spoke like he was positive you’d follow him and you hated that he was right.

——

“Do you even know where we are going?” You were looking out the window and watching hills fly by in a blur, eyebrows furrowed even though Jake couldn’t see you.

He chuckled softly and you turned your body a few degrees to glance at him as he drove, one hand on the steering wheel and the other shoved out the open window. His hair was going in different directions because the force of the wind and you noted his dark roots growing in.

You were curious if he planned to keep bleaching it or if he’d let it go dark again. If you were closer, more friends than whatever it was you were, you’d tell him you like it best black.

It was easier to picture the version of him you knew like that, you were so used to seeing his dark locks sleeping at random desk during free hours or rushing through the hallways so he wasn’t late for lunch. This new look and personality felt so unfamiliar.

“Just because I’m not telling you, doesn’t mean I don’t know.” He responded, sparing you a quick glance and raising an eyebrow when he caught you staring lost in thought. “Besides we are almost there, have some patience maybe.”

You slumped back in your seat, staring out the window again as you spotted a parking lot coming up in the distance. Your lips naturally formed a pout as you squinted and tried to make out where you were.

Jake pulled into the parking lot, gravel crunching under his tires as he pulled his hand back into the car and parked outside the lines. Only a few other cars were in this lot and you quickly realized where he had taken you.

“The beach?” It was starting to chill out now, the time of year where you much preferred sweaters and movie nights over days outside. You glanced over at him for confirmation and studied his expression.

For just a moment he looked nervous and slightly fearful, like he thought you wouldn’t be pleased or maybe you’d ask to just go home instead. Then it was replaced with a half smile and a shrug as he opened his door and hopped out of the car.

You took a few seconds to process his change of expression. You didn’t take this new Jake as somebody who cared what random girls they barely knew thought, maybe you were reading too far into a blank expression.

Before you could consider it further your door was thrown opened and you turned to see Jake waiting outside of it, holding it open for you and fully smiling now.

After a few minutes of silently walking down the sandy trail you couldn’t stand the silence. “How’d you find this place anyways?”

“You know Sunghoon?” You hummed softly in confirmation to his question. “He showed it to me when I first moved here. I guess I was complaining too much about missing home… missing…”

His sentence slowed to a stop and you glanced over at him, waiting for him to finish whatever thought he was having. He was already looking at you and he looked slightly pained before looking away and gesturing in front of you.

You turned your gaze away from him reluctantly and your features softened in awe at the view in front of you. Two sand hills were parted to reveal the result of your hike, a hidden beach with a light pink sunset off in the distance.

“It’s not as good as the ones back home but.” He didn’t finish his sentence again and this time you didn’t expect him to. Without thinking your hand was reaching down to tug on his sleeve, pulling him forwards and continuing your walk to the beach.

You let him go once the water was close enough that you could hear the waves, nearly drowning out your excited voice as the cold water splashed up and wrapped around your ankles. You heard Jake groan behind you and turned with a smile to see his jeans darkening with wetness.

The two of you played in the shallow water for a while, throwing splashes at each other and squealing everytime the bitter water touched your sun warmed skin.

Eventually the childish play tired you out and you were sat against a log a bit aways from the water, watching the sun set behind the ocean and covering your feet with the chilled sand.

A noise behind you caused you to turn your head, frowning deeply when you saw Jake kneeled in the sand with a camera in front of his face. The same noise went off again and you threw sand in his direction.

“Stop that.” You groaned and he laughed, dodging the attack and falling back onto his butt next to you by the log.

“Sorry sorry. I’ve just never seen you like this before.”

im just trying to understand what i am to you

“What do you mean?” You squinted your eyes in his direction but he wasn’t looking at you, keeping his gaze on the setting sun or down at his fingers that were pushing through the sand.

“You were always too cool to hang out with us at places like this.” He laughed softly but you felt a strange tension settled in his words like he was thinking of something specific.

Your stomach turned in confusion at what he was saying and you felt the need to question him, swallowing it when he made eye contact with you again and smiled softly. It didn’t meet his eyes and you titled your head slightly.

“I’d say it was the other way around.” You managed to say, trying to keep your tone light despite the meaning behind your words. In your version of events it was definitely Jake who had never been around in high school, always off with cooler older kids.

He’d always been more liked than the rest of your friend group but it escalated after his final prom when his presence pretty much became nonexistent up until he moved for college.

He was watching you and not saying anything and you were starting to curl in on yourself a bit self consciously. You reached up your arm to tug on your shirt sleeve and his eyes followed the movement.

“You’re cold?” He was asking but before he even finished the sentence he was sitting up off the log and pulling his sweater over his head, handing it in your direction as he fell back against the log. You stared at it as it dangled in his grip and he shook it a few times to get your attention.

You took it from him hesitantly, fingers brushing against his and he watched closely as you pulled it over your eyes and tugged your hair from the collar.

His eyes were seemingly tracing shapes on your frame as he looked at you, a strange expression on his face at the sight of you in his clothing.

“Why are you always staring like that?” You mumbled under your breath, shifting uncomfortably and he shrugged.

“You’re pretty.” He answered simply like it was the most obvious answer in the history of the world and your mouth parted in surprise. He’d said it before, but it sounded different when it wasn’t being whispered in a damp crowded room.

You felt your cheeks flush again but this time you didn’t attempt to hide your reaction. Despite the major differences, you needed to remind yourself that this was Jake, a boy you knew and cared about before you ever had this crush on him.

more than songs, we’ve exchanged. midnight calls, sunset views

He was still watching you, you could see him from the corner of your eye and you were half tempted to turn and meet his gaze. A few beats of silence, accompanied by the sound of the waves, and you succumbed to that temptation.

He didn’t falter when you looked over, only cocking his head slightly like he was expecting you to say something. However you didn’t and you just looked at him the way he was looking at you, in a heavy tensioned silence that made your stomach turn in dizzying circles.

Jake was always handsome, even before he had gotten older and his features were still soft and not yet matured, but he was particularly remarkable right now in the soft blue lighting of the nearly set sun.

“You should let your hair grow out.”

——

The days were passing by quickly now and fall break was swiftly approaching. You had no plans to go back home to your small town and neither did Brit. Currently she was packing hastily, not sparing you a glance as you laid on her bed and watched her fast pace.

“We leave in only two hours you know.” She was remarking and you shrugged softly, hiding a smile at her impatience. “I’m happy you’ve even agreed to this so I’m not going to nag you anymore than I need to but we are really short on time.”

She was referring to the fact she had somehow managed to convince you that going along to one final friend camping trip was what you should do with your break. Not only was it colder than you’d prefer, especially the night time, but others were also going and you weren’t big on social interaction.

Still you had agreed, and if part of the reason had been because Jake posted he was also going on his story than she didn’t need to know that.

After she had forced you to pack, and then ushered you out of the apartment with a swift shove and irritated eyebrows, you were eventually stuffed in the back seat of Sunghoon’s rented van. It was bigger than an average car but the more stops you arrived to the more you dreaded the drive.

As if things couldn’t get more stressful, right when you had thought you’d gotten away with an empty seat next to you he was pulling up to the final house. You watched as Jake closed his door behind him with an excited grin and waved at Sunghoon who was leaning out his open window.

You still didn’t stop staring even after he shoved his suitcase into the trunk and circled around the van, pulling open the slider door and scanning the vehicle for a spot to sit. His gaze first fell on the seat next to you and then scanned up to your face.

His smile faltered for just a second before it was replaced with another one, this one somehow both more genuine and two times as tense.

You hadn’t talked much since the other day at the beach due to the fact he hadn’t bothered texting you. You weren’t too caught up with the fact knowing you’d see eachother soon anyways but you were feeling a bit confused on the meaning of the hangout.

Your headphones stayed in as he walked with a ducked head to the back of the van, ignoring the glare Yang Jungwon was sending him when he accidentally stepped on his foot. You paused your music as he sat next to you but you didn’t take them off your head.

After he was seated, the van was officially full. Sunghoon and Brit were taking the roles of driver and passenger with Jungwon, Park Jay and a boy you hadn’t met before named Riki directly behind them. That left you and Jake in the back sat next to some of the bags that hadn’t fit in the trunk.

Another car was coming later in the day with some more friends of Brit and Sunghoon, the more social of the group.

Your phone vibrating in your grip stopped you in your mental roll call and you furrowed your brows down at it, ignoring the buzz. That plan didn’t last long considering it buzzed two more times immediately after.

jake : hi

jake : you have a habit of ignoring me i think

jake : !!!

You let out a small laugh and your eyes shot to the side, expecting to see him already looking at you and preparing to speak. Instead he was leaning away and keeping his gaze firmly out the window, a tight grip on his phone.

you : are we playing the silent game?

jake : yes

jake : i didn’t take you for the camping type… did anything inspire you to come along?

You looked at him again and this time he was looking at you too, an eyebrow raising slightly in question as he glanced down at your phone screen. You thought for a second before responding.

you : i could ask you the same thing

you : if my memories correct i distinctively remember you whining the whole entire week during that field trip sophomore year

jake : i don’t whine

You snorted a laugh and you felt Jake’s elbow poke your side in annoyance. You nudged him back and he pretended to be wounded, leaning against you so your shoulders were pressed tightly together. Brit’s eyes met yours in the mirror for just a split second before looking away.

jake : maybe i had my reasons

Then his hand was falling forward onto your knee and you stiffened up at the sudden contact. Your reaction caused him to freeze too and he started to quickly retract his hand, stopping when you placed yours on top of his and kept it where it was.

You were suddenly hyper aware of how close the two of you were and also the fact you had chosen to wear the most hideous pajamas pants you owned. Jake didn’t seem to mind, his thumb caressing the soft fabric without realizing he was making your head spin.

You squeezed your hand that was on top of his and he leaned forward to look at you, head resting against the seat infront of him as he turned his body slightly to face you. His hand was shifting up your leg slightly and you held his gaze, an eyebrow raising in permission.

Without hesitation, you gave it to him, nodding and loosening your grip on his hand. Your hand slid to his wrist instead, not wanting to remove it from his warm skin and you felt his arm muscles tensing like he was applying effort to resist moving his hand more.

Your knee was swinging towards his instinctively and his eyes shot down to the way this caused your legs to part more.

Then his stare was back on yours, eyes heavier as he watched you. For a second you thought he seemed nervous, gaze fidgeting against yours.

Your phone buzzed again and you glanced at his free hand in confusion, eyebrows furrowing when you realized his phone was shut off and laying forgotten in his lap so it couldn’t have been him that messaged you.

brit : what are you doing back there

You met her gaze in the mirror expecting to see a teasing smirk or maybe proud eyes at the fact you weren’t losing your cool due to Jake flirting with you. Instead her eyes were dark and squinted in warning. She picked her phone back up off her lap.

brit : jake invited a girl this weekend

brit : sunghoon told me im rlly sorry yn i was going to mention it when we got there

Your entire body locked up and Jake’s thumb stopped caressing your thigh in worry, leaning back against his seat to try to look at your phone screen to see the cause of your sudden tension. You quickly shut it off and shifted in your seat, swinging your knee so his hand fell limp against the seat. You leaned against your side of the seat, frowning and looking out the window.

You stayed like that for the rest of the ride, ignoring your phone buzzing in your hand and a few attempts to get your attention from the boy next to you.

Once you’d finally arrived at the campsite you were the first one to leave the van, nearly tripping on Jay in your haste to be out of the suffocating situation.

Hands on your lower back were suddenly leading you away and towards the empty site kicking your feet out of their frozen state, you glanced at Brit as she ushered you away from the boys, telling them briefly you were going to set up your tent in the distance.

You were thankful for her quick lie and the comforting arm she was wrapping around your side as you walked away from them, ignoring their confused murmurs.

“Are you going to cry.” She whispered once you were a good distance out of ear shot, you met her eyes and she winced. “Or maybe throw up? I can’t tell…”

You shook your head and glanced behind you. Jake was frozen as he watched the two of you with a worried frown, only looking away when Jungwon abruptly handed him a few bags to unpack.

“Neither.” You forced out and she looked relieved but like she didn’t even slightly believe you. “I don’t care who he brings.” You shrugged and nodded to try to convince yourself.

She watched you in silence, leaning back slightly like you were a live wire as she waited for you to snap.

“But tell me who he is bringing.” You gripped her hand tightly and she groaned in relief at your more expected reaction, squeezing your hand in hers and taking a step closer.

“I don’t even know just some girl from one of his lectures I guess.” She was whispering close to your face and your heart sank. “Sunghoon said she practically forced him to say she could come but you know he has a reputation.”

And she was right, you did know that this new version of Jake had quite a few whispers about him and how frequently he’d leave parties with girls he’d never be seen with again. You felt foolish for letting yourself separate this side of him with the boy from the beach.

Maybe the boy from a few years ago was worse with girls, cared about them more and awkwardly stumbled through flirty conversations or teasing comments but it seemed like this new Jake was the type to not think too deeply about feeling up an old friend in a packed car.

One half of you wanted to not care, happy he had paid you any attention at all even if it wasn’t ideal but the more realistic half knew you could never be casual with Jake without breaking your own heart.

“I’ll be fine don’t worry.”

——

You were absolutely positively NOT fine.

After setting up quickly before the sun set, the second car had arrived with the rest of the people you’d be camping alongside of and you were quickly regretting your last minute acceptance to come along.

A few slightly familiar faces had stumbled out of the car, like Sunoo from your history class who had waved with a yawn followed by a bright smile. He was immediately replaced in your line of sight by none other than Lee Heeseung, who froze at the sight of you and then practically scampered away.

And finally a girl you hadn’t seen before, and who hadn’t bothered to introduce herself. The girl was currently on the receiving end of your glare, across from you at the fire as she leaned over and whispered something lowly to Jake in the chair next to her.

You hoped the flames were blocking the obvious annoyance on your face, her high pitched squeals and refusal to do any of the work setting up required was slowly eating away at you. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact she spent most the day draped over the boy you’d been infatuated with since before puberty.

Only adding to your growing frustration was the tense awkward boy beside you. Heeseung was practically curled into a ball in his camping chair, avoiding eye contact with your side of the earth and not speaking the entire fire. You were sick of it at this point and the combined anger at both situations got the better of you.

“Can we talk?” You were leaning over towards him to ask and your tone was heavy. He reluctantly looked at you and his eyes softened with guilt before he nodded.

Standing from your chair and wrapping your coat tighter around you, your gaze instinctively went to Jake. He was already watching you, eyebrows furrowing as he saw Heeseung stand and wait for you to leave so he could follow. You looked away from him in anger and started off towards the trees.

“Are you going to kill me be honest.” Heeseung eventually was groaning behind you as you walked in silence, cutting through the trail as you ended up near the dock.

“Why would I kill you?” You sighed and sat on the creaking wood, feet dangling and skimming the water of the green lake. He followed suit and sat a few inches away from you.

“For being a dick.” He shrugged and you laughed, kissing your teeth and nodding. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have not showed up without a text like that, regardless what Jake said.”

His words caused you to freeze in confusion and he seemed to notice your reaction, mouth parting in realization.

“You didn’t know…” He sounded both confused and like he had finally made sense of things in his mind. “Now I get why Brit keeps glaring at me in the hall.”

“What are you talking about Lee Heeseung?” You turned more towards him with sharp eyes and he shrunk in on himself slightly.

“I told Jake about our date and he told me I shouldn’t go because you had a boyfriend back home.” He was speaking fast and his eyes softened again at the hurt and confusion crossing your face. “I’m figuring now that probably isn’t true.”

You didn’t give him a response, staring down at his lap as you zoned out and tried to understand what he was telling you. Jake had not only sabotaged your date not date that apparently was a date but in doing so he made you seem like some awful cheater.

“Are you okay?” Heeseung was speaking again when you didn’t respond, leaning closer slightly and talking in a whisper like he was scared to break you from your trance. You looked at him hesitantly and his features softened at your teary expression. “I can go get Brit?”

You nodded in confirmation and offered him a small sad smile, hoping he got the memo that it wasn’t him you were upset with and you understood he had been caught in the miscommunication. He was patting your back softly before standing and jogging back towards the camp.

promise i don’t mean to cry but i get overwhelmed and confused

Sitting alone on the dock you allowed yourself to cry for just a few moments, you felt completely lost and confused. That mixed with the anger and jealously you’d felt all day and you were simply a mess of overstimulated emotions.

You didn’t understand why Jake would do that, what motive he would have. Maybe revenge for Heeseung interrupting his chance of a quick fuck the night before but you liked to believe that even if he changed, he still respected you enough to not spread rumors.

After ten minutes had passed your tears had slowed do a few sniffles and puffy eyes, using your thin sweater sleeves to wipe your face in preparation for your roommates arrival. You didn’t want to ruin the weekend by being overtly upset.

“Y/N?” The sound of the familiar voice caused you to freeze like it always did. Your shoulders tensed and you felt your fingers flex against the moist wood of the dock. The footsteps stepping onto the dock gave you a sick feeling.

“What do you want Sim?” You spit the words without turning to look at him and you shut your eyes tight when his hasty steps slowed with hesitation.

“I came to check on you… Heeseung went to get Brit but she wasn’t feeling well and went to sleep.” He was speaking slowly, getting closer but stopping a bit behind you like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to come closer. “Did he say something to you? What did he do?”

Now you were turning to glare at him, only briefly scanning his figure to see him wringing his hands together in anxiousness. “What did he do? What do you mean what did he do…what did you do?”

He didn’t even have the nerve to pretend to look confused, only being taken back for a second at your tone before a guilty dark look took over his expression.

“Okay listen, I had a reason.” He was holding his hands out in front of him in defense, eyebrows downturned. For just a second you felt bad at the way he frowned and then you remembered your anger.

You stood from the dock, turning your back on the water to face him. He seemed more taken back by this, your stance rigid and expecting. You raised an eyebrow at him and waved a hand to signal for him to continue.

His gaze dropped to his feet and then back up towards you, avoiding meeting your eyes and nervously wringing his hands together. “Okay maybe I don’t have a reason.”

Your shoulders deflated and you groaned.

“So you just made me look like an idiot for no reason.” You spat at him and he shook his head as you kept talking. “Not only an idiot but like some sketchy cheater.”

“I didn’t mean for it to be like that I just panicked.” He was rushing in his words and you were growing more confused with everything he said. Why did the idea of Heeseung taking you on a date make him panic?

“I deserve a better explanation than that Jake.” You were shaking your head now and he sighed. “I thought we were starting to be… I don’t know, friends.”

“Oh really?” He was sneering now and you faltered slightly, taken back by his sudden show of anger. “So now I’m cool enough to be friends with?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” You took a step towards him, your voice desperate in confusion.

“No don’t worry I get. Years of acting like I didn’t exist but now that I’m not a loser anymore I’m worthy of your time.” His voice was venomous and your head was swimming with confusion.

The incredulous look on your face only seemed to anger him further, neck vein protruding as he glared at you. He was holding your stare and softened just for a second at the genuine lack of understanding on your face.

“Are you talking about highschool?” You tried to keep your voice steady, wanting to understand what he was referring to without angering him. He gave you a look like it was obvious and you shook your head. “That’s not what happened at all, if anything it was the opposite.”

At this, he let out a loud scoff and took a step backwards in bewilderment. You watched him wrestle with this information, at the same time you were wracking through your memories with Jake to try and find what point in time he was referring back to.

You’d never thought of Jake as a loser, sure a little clumsy and awkward but that was the first thing you had liked about him. It wasn’t easy for you to spend time with him alone because you’d always end up embarrassing yourself, your crush on him bringing out the worst in you, but you definitely still hung out from time to time.

“You totally rejected me.” He was speaking again, his voice weaker this time as the embarrassment replaced his anger. “You not even remembering the worst day of my highschool life makes it ten times more awful.”

“Rejected you when?” Your head was starting to hurt from the crying and pure confusion. As awkward as you were around him, you know even highschool you would never have rejected Jake Sim.

“Prom.” He spat the word like it was obvious, like he was expecting you to suddenly remember your supposed rejection and make sense of this conversation but if anything it was only confusing you further. “You really just don’t remember?”

“There’s nothing to remember.” You spat out, angry at his persistent accusations. “I didn’t go to prom either year, you went with Lily and I stayed at home.”

Your stomach was turning with bitterness at the memory, this fact followed by his sudden avoidance after prom still hurt as it lingered in your mind.

“You think I wanted to go with Lily?” His laugh was humorless and cold. “Everybody knew I wanted to go with you only, I couldn’t not go just because you said no, I’d look like a total idiot.”

“Then why wouldn’t you just ask me?” Your voice was hoarse and angry but your stomach was turning at the thought of Jake wanting to go to prom with you.

You remember that year clearly, it was Jake’s final school dance and your friends had jokingly teased the possibility of him asking you. Of course at the time it seemed baseless to you, you were just friends since you’d never had the courage to put your feelings to action.

Like you had anticipated, a girl from your grade named Lily was posting the next week that she had been asked by Jake and they were going together. Even though you’d accepted long ago he’d never notice you in that way, you were still devastated and decided to spend this year at home alone.

“I did ask you.” He was stressing the words, hands thrown out in desperation for you to understand. You tensed up as you looked at him.

You started to slowly shake your head in denial and his shoulders lowered, coming to a realization.

“You never got the letter.” It wasn’t a question but a statement and the look on your face further proved it to be true. “I… I put it in your locker I don’t understand.”

“My locker?” Your voice was soft with exhaustion and a guilty look crossed his face.

“Two weeks before the dance.” He explained and he was taking a step towards you. He looked slightly relieved when you didn’t back away from him or raise your hands in rejection.

You scrunched your nose and tried to remember such a specific time in your life, only remembering one major detail that caused your face to light up in realization.

“Jake.” You groaned and he raised an eyebrow and nodded in anticipation. “Jake I had that nasty stomach flu everybody was getting. I was absent until after winter break.”

He didn’t say anything for a long time and you watched him go through different stages of remembrance, the noise of the woods and lake fading back in now that your shouts had died down.

“You never got it?” His voice was barely a whisper, almost like it wasn’t even meant for you to hear. It was a personal realization of his mistake and you reached a hand up to tug on his sleeve. His eyes shot down to your hand and then your face, eyes heavy and guilty.

if only you knew what i felt like

“Why on earth would I reject you.” You tried to keep your voice soft but it was shaking slightly with nerves as you finally voiced your longest kept secret. “Everybody knew how obsessed with you I was.”

“But I was a total idiot.” He shook his head and you took a step closer to him. “I spent so long trying to become cooler and you’re telling me it was pointless?”

He was looking down at you, in a similar stance to the multiple times you held long tensioned stares at parties and you were understanding now that similar to your casual careless persona you’d been attempting to show him, he was wearing a mask of his own.

“I liked that idiot way before I liked you, playboy.” He smiled at your light tone, arm sliding up your arm to hold your elbow and keep you standing close to him.

“Maybe I stretched the truth a tad.” His voice was low and you raised an eyebrow as you looked up at him, liking the way his bangs touched his eyebrows as he watched you.

“What about that girl you invited?” Your smile faltered slightly, remembering why you were out here on the dock in the first place. Your stomach tightened in jealously and you felt the urge to smack away his hand that was sliding to hold your lower back.

You resisted the urge, placing your hands flat on his chest and giving him the chance to explain. Miscommunication was clearly causing issues for years between the two of you.

“She practically forced her way into the van after overhearing us talk about it at a party last weekend.” He was explaining with an annoyed shake of his head and you nodded remembering Brit saying Sunghoon had a similar version of events.

“I shouldn’t have let her touch me.” He looked angry at himself and you wanted to reach up and smooth out the crease in his eyebrows. “I guess I got jealous seeing Heeseung was here. The same way I did when I ruined your date. I’m really sorry about that.”

“So instead of just asking me out yourself, you kidnapped me and took me to a beach?” You smiled softly at him and his lip quirked up slightly despite the look of guilt remaining.

“I know… I guess I’m still an idiot.” His smile fell and a pained look covered quickly his expression. “God, I made you cry.”

“Yeah you totally made me cry.” You balled your into fist against his chest and his eyes looked at the way his shirt scrunched up between your fingers. You gave him a soft smile, rocking forward and trying to ease his mind from the guilt he was feeling.

Then he was looking at you again and his tensioned eyes loosened slightly, a sudden wave of nerves washed over you at the realization of who you were currently having this conversation with.

“Did I hear you say you still liked me?” His voice was low and you felt his breath fan your face, his hand that wasn’t on your back was cupping the side of your face and making you look at him.

You were reminded of the way he held your chin at the party except this time it felt more gentle, his eyes soft and far more nervous than they had been that night.

“God, you’re an idiot.” You were shaking your head and smiling, the end of your word being cut off when he surged forward and pressed his lips hard against yours in his urgency.

Your hands on his chest started to ball up his shirt again, resisting a laugh at the force in which he kissed you, he mumbled an apology against your lips and you could feel him smiling as he cocked his head and kissed you again.

His hand had left your cheek, circling around your side to rest on your lower back with his other one as he, almost unconsciously, pulled you up and tighter against him as you rocked onto your tippy toes and back down.

Even when he pulled back to breathe, he kept you flush against him as he laid his forehead against yours and shut his eyes tight.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

#enhypen #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fanfiction #jake enhypen #jake x reader #sunghoon enhypen #heeseung #kim sunoo #jake fluff #jake drabbles #jake au #jake smut

2K notes · View notes

limeade-l3sbian · 7 months ago

Note

Whats your opinion on dyed hair? If im correct you said you didnt wear nail polish..so i just wanted to know what you think. I personally dont wear or own any makeup and never do nails and everything like that but i have bleached hair and ive noticed that some radfems have bright colored hair and some are completely against it🤔

My honest response is a big, fat shrug. That's also my response to nail polish too. I take umbrage with these things when women start to believe that these things are tied to their worth and feel that, without them, they are "ugly."

Same thing with make up. I had a gyn ask me if I thought make up was bad and my answer is no. Some things pushed upon women as a necessity are not bad by nature. It's the connotations we place on them that end up making them toxic. You want to fart around in make up, whatever. But my concern raises when you're showing me stories of mothers who need to have make up on while giving birth.

I have extremely dark brown hair and in another world, where I'm not lazy, I would dye it white. The brainwashing worked on me. I think white hair on black people looks dope lol. But my sense of worth and personal opinion of myself are not tied to this. I do not think that without white hair, I am ugly. I think I am a person with value, with or without it.

#ask

11 notes · View notes

gutsfics · 11 months ago

Text

student files of Cave and Atlas, made from @abookishcreative's template (thank u!!!!)

i made one for Atlas as well as Cave bc i wanted to share some hc i have for him. just pretend his is signed by Swan though lol

Cave Jay Russel

Pronouns: he/him

Gender: trans man

DOB: December 31, 1999, 11:59PM

LI: none

Sexuality/Romantic Oriantation: aroace

Familiar: Tim the Gorgue (Tim does end up fully evolved, but i don't like the final version so in my hc he's just evolution 2 but Bigger)

Attunements: Sun and Earth

☆☆☆☆

Atlas Ernhardt

Pronouns: he/they

Gender: "What are you, a cop?" (transmasculine)

DOB: January 1, 2000, 12:01AM

Sexuality/Romantic Orientation: "who cares. anyone. nobody."

Familiar: Navi the Arylu (listen i dont CARE mc adopted her, Cave already has a familiar. Navi is Atlas' now)

Attunements: Moon and Fire (i don't think its ever said what his second attunement is in canon? and i think fire just fits them. besides i like the juxtaposition of being attuned to both moon and fire)

●●●●

general headcanons

Cave thought he and Atlas were just really similar looking fraternal twins when they first met bc he thought Atlas was cis

Atlas, however, always knew they're identical, but he didn't know Cave had also transitioned until his caregivers died and he started keeping an eye on Cave

Cave did all kinds of Attuneless sports. he was at Hartfeld on a football scholarship, but his favorite Attuneless sport is soccer

Cave is super beefy. built like a brick shithouse. a real unit of a man.

Atlas is pretty thin when he first starts at Pemderghast, but he eventually ends up with a similar build to Cave

Cave is Super Annoying about being born techincally a day (and a year) before Atlas and thus already a year ahead of him when their birthdays roll around, but Atlas always points out "not until midnight"

Atlas and Beckett have some Weird Gay Thing their junior year that breaks off by the end of the year- Beckett was mostly just interested in Atlas as a rebound from his crush on Cave, and Atlas didn't feel particularly strongly about Beckett beyond "we'll he's someone to do things with"

Cave's hair is naturally dark brown, but he bleached it a week before his freshman year. the following summer, he dyed it that purple-red color so it would be easier to tell him and Atlas apart. he uses Attuneless dye for it ("sometimes Attuneless just do things better"), but he does use magic to make it last longer

@choicesbookclub

#the elementalists #Atlas Ernhardt #oc: Cave J Russel #choices book club #there are some references in their student files if you can figure them out you get a cookie #the references have nothing to do w choices btw

5 notes · View notes

mybiasisexo · 8 months ago

Text

so im always thinking about exos next hairstyle, so here is my list of what i want the members to have their next comeback!!

minseok

firstly, it has to be SHORT! ive decided hes at his most powerful that way. tbh short and natural, like when he first came back from the military would put me in a coma! but i think he suits pastels so well. so id really like another pink or lavender look !!!!! ok but also he can keep it like it is now and do a billie elish with the roots a pastel color and the rest black!!!!!!!!! MINSEOK PLSSS the hoes need it!

suho

i already voiced my need for this. But long and blond!!! and im talking past his shoulder blades. a wheat shade with the frame pieces platinum!!!! he'd have to rock dangly earrings and denim jackets oooooh my gosh oh ym GOSh

yixing

there are 2 cuts i think suit him so well. i cant remember what its called, but its longer on the top, kind of a choppy style, not a complete buzz on the sides, but short nonetheless. that cut OR i think a wolfcut/mullet with shaved sides would be soooo good. with his natural color. tbh i dont want him to dye it....or black, but his natural color would eat. BUT MAKE THE TIPS SILVER/GRAY!!!! ooooh fuck that would EAT

baekhyun

RED!!! like a blood red/wine red. honestly... i want 161022 bbh back OKAYYYYY

chen

bring the blond curly hair back!!! NEOW!!!!! OR or a more golden brown. something that matches/brings out his eyes 🥺. but i def want it longer and curly thank you and goodnight!!!

chanyeol

copper. i want a burnt orange and perm that shit!!! chanyeol looks so goddamn precious with curls omgggg i just want to squish his cheeks and kiss his puckered lips whenever he has curls brooo. and idk why ive been yearning for his mama hair again. its been enough time, bring it back boo

kyungsoo

BLONDE!!! idc what shade and i dont care about the haircut. i just want it blonde. im tired of him playing with us. buy my silence Do Kyungsoo!!!! Bleach the damn locks 🤬👊🏾

kai

idc as long as i get to see him 😭😭 ok but i reaaaaally loved his peaches hair so much. and brown suits him so well. i want that hair back. maybe a more chocolatey color??? or something a bit more golden??? either way, just need him back

sehun

again....i just want him idrc what he looks like 😩. ok no. it needs to be short, think lotto era cut. and a dark green would suit him perfectly 😮‍💨

#exo #baekhyun #chanyeol #sehun #mine #what do you want to see on top of the exos head????

5 notes · View notes

hollyhomburg · 2 years ago

Note

hi hi <3 i wanted to drop in and quickly say how much i love bily !!! i have a quick question tho!! we know mc and tae got their hair dyed the same colour, and im wondering if the mc kept matching with her as she changed the colours? like from the pink, to the lavender back to brown, or does she still have a faded bleached streak to keep reminding her of tae?

i think that for whatever reason the dye probably stayed a little bit better in the m/c's hair than it did in tae's (maybe it wasn't as bleach fried or maybe it was? who knows) in my mind it's still the lightest shade of pink <3 i dont think she'll ever dye it back to her natural color. i love the idea of her like- years down the line looking at the very ends of that lock of hair, just a little bit blonde now and being all like "🥺 that was from taetae's first day as a girl"

18 notes · View notes

kai-ninjago · 2 years ago

Text

MORE HEADCANONS!!!

Part two to this post

Picrew by Naylissah

Age headcanon post

OKAY LETS GET STARTED also I DONT CARE that my oc is literally just me but cooler if anyone insults me over this I’ll cry

Day Torres (he/him, gay trans male)

(Picrew shows how he looks in the pilots and after that when he cuts his hair and grows up more)

5’3”

Mixed Latino/white

Has autism, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and PTSD (from ninja stuff)

Had top surgery a year before he was recruited to the team and starts testosterone a few months into season one

He’s best friends with all the ninja, but is BESTIE besties with Jay— they have a lot in common

He likes to borrow clothes from the rest of the team

His pet dragon from season one was named Briar

His elemental power is “life”, and his signature color is yellow

Power explanation: at minimum power (before he begins training) he can help grow and control plants that are already there, once he trains more and gets more powerful he can create plants and stuff from out of nowhere, once he’s reached his full potential he can do the same with animals, and at FULL full strength (like after Lloyd becomes the gold ninja and doesn’t need to feed off the rest of the team’s strength) with practice he can control living humans— he can also heal injuries

His hair gets darker as he ages, it’s not dyed

Was stealth until he got outed by a mean snake :( he was so scared his friends wouldn’t accept him, so realizing that he was still loved unconditionally was the push that helped him reach his full potential

(He also didn’t know that the rest of his team is queer too, which I’m sure would have made things less stressful)

A lot of his friends go to him for advice because he’s easy to talk to— for example, Day was the first person Jay told when she was questioning her gender

In between seasons three and four, he didn’t do much— he went home and lived with his family. He was very depressed after losing Zane— ai may have dumped him, but they were still good friends

Cole told Day he loved him when they were all trapped on the asteroid in season three, but didn’t pressure him for an answer. Day was too shocked and stressed out to think about it too much, and after that everything happened too fast and all the sudden he was back home and hadn’t spoken to Cole since Zane’s funeral

He thought about it a lot— Cole had always been a great friend, and he treated Day so kindly and with such attentive care (something Zane had admittedly been kind of bad at) but Day wasn’t really ready to be in a relationship so soon after Zane’s death.

Years later, after Zane came back (and later began a relationship with Pixal) and they had all worked as a team to save Ninjago yet again, and then had some time to relax a little… maybe then Day could consider it

Then he and Cole start dating a little bit before the start of season five, and stay together till the end <3

Okay in the original fanfic, Day only has one sibling but I decided I want him to be even more like me so instead he has three siblings now :P

He has a few tattoos, but I haven’t decided specifically what they’ll be

Lloyd Garmadon (they/them, unlabeled, nonbinary)

(I did three for Lloyd— one for when they’re a kid, one for once they’ve grown up because of the magic tea, and another one for the later seasons)

5’8” (eventually)

I’m keeping the idea that they’re not completely human (what they are I’m not sure, and neither is anyone else) but misako is human so Lloyd is at least half Japanese

Has body dysmorphic disorder from growing up nearly overnight (that gets slightly better with time), autism, and PTSD

Very tall and thin— they’re definitely strong, but not big

They bleach their hair, which is naturally dark brown— it usually has darker roots, but the picrew didn’t have that option lol

Has really dry skin and is always dehydrated

Feels a lot of gender dysphoria and always wears clothes way too big for them

Lloyd thinks all the bad things that happen are their fault

Cries really easily

They can’t even look in the mirror without feeling sick— all their scars remind them of fights they’ve lost

They hate being viewed as weak or a burden, so they always push themself too hard and end up burning out

They have a lot of nightmares and sleep way too little

Sometimes when they have a meltdown they go nonverbal and can’t speak for up to hours or days at a time

They’re not accepted by either of their parents for being nonbinary— they say that they’re “too young” to know what they’re talking about

Now they consider their teammates and Sensei wu to be closer family

Their best friends are Day, Nya, and Kai

“Runs away” a lot— sometimes they come back, sometimes they stay out until someone has to come find them.

It goes without saying that they don’t like Morro very much. They’re afraid of her.

When they were the golden ninja, they used to glow in the dark.

They get a lot of gender envy from Zane

Morro Wu (she/it, transfem demigirl, aroace)

(Picrews are morro when she was younger, and when she had died and was a ghost)

5’2”

Japanese

Has PTSD

It may have been in charge of the gang of ghosts in season five, but none of them respected her— they were transphobic :(

She managed to survive in the woods for a whole year before dying

Was 14 when she died, but now her consciousness is around 150 years old (yes that means Sensei wu is a few hundred years old)

She loves Day and really looks up to him, but Day doesn’t really like her that much— she almost killed Lloyd, after all

It’s best friend is Skylor— it has a job at Skylor’s restaurant, so they spend a lot of time there

She mostly avoids Lloyd, and feels really guilty for going so far as to legitimately almost kill them

Pixal Borg (no pronouns)

(This is Pixal when Pixal worked at Borg industries, and then a year or so after Pixal started living with Ronin)

5’2”

Pixal isn’t modeled after any human being; Pixal is just an android

Pixal, having been revived by Zane’s power source, also has a few “human” brain things like ai— Pixal has amnesia, sensory processing disorder, and depression

Pixal also uses arm crutches to get around because Pixal’s wiring is still a little damaged because Ronin accidentally messed up the wiring that helps Pixal balance (this is kind of similar to a human experiencing vertigo/dizziness after their eardrum gets damaged)

Pixal also has chronic pain that comes and goes from day to day, that sometimes makes it hard to walk (like nerve damage in the spine)

Despite being relatively petite, Pixal is very strong. This is because Pixal was built mostly to help Borg after his wife passed away; so Pixal would lift him into bed as well as carry heavy things like scraps of metal he used to build inventions

Pixal is the robot equivalent of afab (assigned female at… building?) but has never identified with that. Pixal only learns to accept this fact after Pixal joins Ronin and is given the freedom to dress however Pixal wants

(Oh yeah, in my canon instead of delivering Pixal to Chen, Ronin decides to rescue Pixal and let Pixal live with him in Stiix. They become a good team and Ronin teaches Pixal how to be a good criminal)

Pixal meets up with the ninja again in season five when they come to get the scroll of airjitzu from Ronin. Pixal decides not to go with them, but they keep in contact and visit often.

Pixal and Zane are in a queerplatonic relationship. They understand each other because they are both androids, and have a unique perspective.

Though Zane feels somewhat connected to ais identity living as a human, Pixal is completely nonhuman and does not experience gender or love in a way humans can comprehend

Pixal really hates the cold— it reminds Pixal of Zane, and for a good two years after ais death Pixal had a lot of grief that never really got dealt with

Skylor Chen (she/her, bisexual polyamorous trans woman)

Just one picrew because she isn’t around in the beginning of the series

6’0”

Blasian (specifically Chinese)

She has no power of her own, so her dad didn’t view her as “valuable” or “special” before she was useful in the tournament

After season four, she starts managing the chain restaurant business

Since she was only like 23 at the time, it quickly became overwhelming— good thing she had some family to help!

She has two older half siblings who she hadn’t had contact with for most of her life, after they left home. They were able to get back in contact with her when she moved to ninjago city

She now works at the main location in ninjago city, and her older siblings manage most of the more difficult things

Her eyes are red as kind of a leftover effect of the serpentine transformation spell— she also has pointed teeth and a forked tongue, but those weren’t options in the picrew lol

She still has all the powers that she absorbed from the other elemental masters

Her hair isn’t dyed, she uses her Shapeshifting power to make it look red

During the tournament, she made friends with Tox and Chamille, and they still chat online

She and Kai dated for only a few months before breaking up lol

She is dating Chamille now

She currently also has a crush on Pixal, but as a droid, Pixal isn’t really interested in humans

She’s friends with Ronin, but really hates Dareth

Okay that’s all I have room for, but I think I’ll do another headcanon post with the other elemental masters, as well as Ronin.

#ninjago headcanons #Lego ninjago #ninjago oc #lloyd garmadon #morro wu #ninjago morro #pixal borg #ninjago pixal #skylor chen #ninjago skylor

17 notes · View notes

yandere-monoma · 1 year ago

Note

I have a KYM fanart WIP I started before ch4, and I was using my own appearance headcanons in it. My strilondes are Black and non-albino, and in ch4 it’s a point that Rose and Dirk are naturally blonde (iirc it was already mentioned previously? But wasn’t a big point). What would you like me to do about it? Also yeah, humans aren’t known to have purple eyes either lol so they *could* technically be Black, non-albino, and naturally blonde

Also while typing this I realized a grave error I was making. For some reason I’ve always imagined Rose Strider to have purple hair (currently all my Roses have purple hair if the setting allows it; main beta Rose is currently pale lavender though, all the others more dark purple; not much thought, it just happened). But if she isn’t naturally blonde, she should have *bleached* hair. My Dave literally starts out with bleached hair and grows out his natural black hair on the meteor (not as in “natural=good, unnatural=bad”, as in “bleached is Dirk, Dave is not Dirk”).

And now I’m thinking about the “she should just be Dirk” from the note to the first chapter and thinking about making a new Rose Strider design (I did one aaaall the way back in 2017, iirc very close to me just getting into HS, and I still use it. Props to the 2017 me though for realizing very clearly that Rose would still have the triangle shades in 2009!!!), and just, incorporating so much Dirk into it. And thinking through her life and incorporating so much Dirk into it.

And now I’m thinking, for Dave it was fundamental to break out of the Dirkness instilled onto him, what will all that be for Rose, who is *actually much closer to Dirk*?

Oh oh and, since I’m here, I’ll put the things I’ve wanted to write in the ao3 comment here too, as much as it’ll work. I’m *so* fucking emotional over KYM. I found it accidentally (was looking for porn lol) and it has full force pulled me out of my Intermission hyperfixation I was miserable in and reactivated my investment into the Kids. AND THE STYLE. *Cal*. The commands. Screaming screaming screaming screaming.

Oh and. Question. Why is there no Gamzee’s color but both Dirk and Hal with Cal?

I do not think Rose Strider is entirely Dirk though, and I think Dirk raised by Bro would have been different from her too, including afab Dirk. Now I’m interested to think about that….

And the ch4 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I love Rose Strider. I love Rose Strider. I love Rose Strider. I love Rose Strider.

And I love Dave Egbert.

I also remember thinking a lot about SBURB and carapacians wrt the comment I’ve originally planned to write? But now I don’t think those thoughts are actually all that relevant and now I just want to sit and wait and read.

@_@ WHOA WHAT A SWEET ASK thank you!!!! mind blown seein this baby in my inbox today HAHA

god this got long i rly love rambling and i leap at any chance to do it about KYM so HAHHDFJKG

first of all KYM FANART!?!?!?!!! CRIES ACTUAL BLOOD OH THANK YOU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

as for an answer to your question, hmm!!! i'm honestly honored to receive anything so i don't have many answers to that!! especially because my actual race hcs for the strilondes are.... incredibly fluid and they just appear to me as what's fun in that moment HAHADFJG sometimes they're white, sometimes they're mixed and/or white-passing, sometimes they're black, sometimes they're black and albino. i dont think their hair colors are an indication of their race at all, rather it's more just another cue to whatever mutations they received during the cloning process, like, no matter what color their skin comes out as, rose always tends to have white-ish hair while dirk is blond-ish to me.

so ig do whatever you'd like with that info!! it's hard to pick one option with that because i like them all HAHAFJG

(god i do love a lavender-haired rose though 😭 every rose fanart design i see is my favorite idk how people can just decide on one... thankfully for me tho im a writer and thus can just sort of vaguely dance away from ever having to choose LOL)

will say though, YEAH, the way she dresses is very dirk. her hair is styled exactly like dirk's, too. what she wears specifically, though, definitely depends, because.... well, cuz the thing with 'rose is dirk' is that, as you've pointed out (and as i'll go on about later), there's a difference between being dirk and being RAISED by dirk. especially a dirk who is bro. so it is just as likely that rose is wearing an outfit reminiscent to alpha dirk as it is that she's wearing a smaller version of bro's outfit as it is that she's just wearing jeans and a black t-shirt with some generically edgy bullshit on it. bro isn't as adamant to controlling his children's fashion tastes as some of his other things, the question is more... would rose be interested in branching out like that? or would she care more about copying him?

there's also a running joke with my friends that rose strider actually just dresses in playboy outfits all the time because bro is a porn-rotted pervert with a hentai addiction. so sometimes i just imagine her with shades, gelled hair and a sailor fuku. lmfao.

thinking about it, i think it'd be cute if rose had a shirt with just a black circle on it. or some of design based on the ouroboros, hmhmhm... decisions decisions thoughts thoughts...

And now I’m thinking, for Dave it was fundamental to break out of the Dirkness instilled onto him, what will all that be for Rose, who is *actually much closer to Dirk*?

it's fun watching everyone go insane going down the same mental paths i did whilst creating killswitch HAHAHJDFG... INDEED YES!!!!!!! you are absolutely right to say this... what does it mean for rose to go through the dave journey of breaking out of his brother's influence?

so what i'll say is this: KYM functions as a 'pre-canon' fic describing rose strider's backstory. if/when i get to continue on with the killswitch au, i will actually try and write down more of the details of their actual sburb session, where rose does get to go through a lot more of dave's actual plot points. dave starts off idolizing his brother before separation from him leads him to process his emotions about how he was raised. the same will happen for rose when she's in the game 🥰💖

I’m *so* fucking emotional over KYM. I found it accidentally (was looking for porn lol) and it has full force pulled me out of my Intermission hyperfixation I was miserable in and reactivated my investment into the Kids. AND THE STYLE. *Cal*. The commands. Screaming screaming screaming screaming.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUUU!!!! that means so much to me 😭 lmfao trying to find porn and accidentally getting obliterated is one of my fave things to experience on ao3. welcome back to loving our darling kids >:3 <3 and thank you for sharing your thoughts and your love!!! it makes it that much easier and that much more exciting to work on updates knowing i have people like you to write for 🥰💖💖💖 if you do get a chance to comment i cant wait to read them~ just the thought is super appreciated wah!

Why is there no Gamzee’s color but both Dirk and Hal with Cal?

a lot of it is just a coincidence from that particular chapter that gamzee's influence isn't seen as much! my approach to lil cal is that he is an imperfect blend of every component he's made up of, and all of those components are souls constantly fighting for control. however, because of the nature of their personalities, some are able to be more in control than others.

'control' can also mean different things: it could mean that they get to control lil cal's dialogue (most of his dialogue is very reminiscent of caliborn), while others get to control what lil cal will focus on in the narrative (lil cal goin on about bro's RIPPLING BICEPS and PECS and how MAAAANLY he is was a reference both to caliborn's alpha male bullshit and also arquius/equius)

only one half of gamzee was sucked into lil cal which i think has done very weird things to how he's been integrated. in some way, this has put his ability to influence lil cal at a big disadvantage, especially when he's up against such huge personalities like caliborn or dirk/hal. i don't think he's as easy to spot and i think considering the nature of gamzee's personality, he's not exactly running to 'speak' or grab for control. he's just chilling. but his influence is there!!! especially when it comes to type of violence bro is encouraged to enact

AKA!!!!!

sometimes the violence that bro enacts is because of caliborn but more times than not it is actually because of gamzee. gamzee intensifies bro's capacity to love and the way that twists into extreme excessive violence. caliborn's violence is aggressive, necessary, quick and blunt, which gamzee's is more random, more encompassing and, most importantly, WAAAAY more sexual. gamzee is the reason why bro is so willing to take and utilize drugs despite the way that contradicts alpha dirk's resistence to them and the reason he is still more than capable of expressing affection towards rose. bro obsessively obsessively Obsessively adores his little sister and this is all because of gamzee's yandere ass and we will see more of that in chapters to come >:3

.... anyway, to actually answer that question: there was no gamzee color there in ch4 because gamzee did not choose (or have the ability) to speak there

I do not think Rose Strider is entirely Dirk though, and I think Dirk raised by Bro would have been different from her too, including afab Dirk. Now I’m interested to think about that….

true!!! she's not >:3 such is the fun of nature vs nurture. rose can never actually be dirk because she's rose. she can also never be dirk because she was not raised in the middle of an ocean or raised in fuckin 80s era texas.

but also she IS dirk because she says she is dirk and because bro/dirk says she is dirk and because she is a dirk who was raised by a dirk (except she's not a dirk raised by a dirk, she's a rose raised by a dirk).

rose strider does not WANT to be rose, she does not want to be her own person (dirk does not want her to be her own person), she can't handle being her own person, she wants to be her brother. she wants to replace her identity with his. that is not psychologically possible which is half of why she's as fucked up as she is HAHA. rose is not a perfect clone of dirk. even clones would develop their own personality. twins can have identical dna and will still have their own personalities. it all depends on the circumstances of their experiences, theres so much that can define what makes up a person and that's really what i'm trying to explore with rose. just a whole bunch of identity fuckery hajfhgdjg

also AFAB DIRK W/ BRO IS DEFINITELY VERY INTERESTING because i think the difference between dirk and the beta strilondes is that when faced with their parental issues, dave assimilates and rose plays along. dave didnt try and resist his training. rose, when under the mindset that her mother wanted to engage in psychological warfare with her, didnt roll her eyes and ignore it and she didnt do a thing to shut it down. she engaged in battle!! she retaliated with her own mind games!! she took her passive aggression and returned it, which is why, to me, rose would take everything bro threw at her and try and return it tenfold.

but dirk hrmrmrmrmmm.... seems more naturally rebellious? and when faced with his own bullshit he argues against it, even while he's lowkey folding under the pressure. i think, in my interpretation of a brodirk plotline, i would use haldirk as an inspiration. constant bickering and arguing and trying to either grab for the upperhand or deflect whatever blows he receives, all while slowly but surely going fucking INSANE under the surface until it EXPLODES.

and like, listen, i feel bad for any strider child of bro's HJKDFGSDFG but i think dirk would hurt me so much cuz he wouldnt rly allow himself to have an outlet (which is relatable to me so uGHGHGH i FEEL ITTT).... i think out of all the strider kids he'd have the worst time with physical self-harm to cope and ugh the worst dysphoria too because of the ways bro would torture him about it (and he would get some of the worst bro torture imo too because at least dave is passive enough to not warrant punishment yknow and at least rose is strongwilled enough to brute force her way through much of the insults she gets. i imagine dirk would be rly weak to bro's verbal abuse and that on top of the physical and sexual shit UGH POOR DIRK POOR ALL OF THEM HONESTLY)

I GOTTA STOP THERE IM NOT TRYNA MAKE NEW AUS HERE LMFAO 🤣😭🤣😭🤣

BUT YEAH IM GLAD YOU LOVE ROSE STRIDER AND DAVE EGBERT THEY ARE MY DARLINGS MY ANGELS MY CHILDREN MY PRIDE!!!!!! i would still love to read your sburb/carapacians thoughts tho if you're ever inclined to share them 🥰 but YEAH

THANK YOU FOR SUCH A GREAT ASK THO AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT it's great hearing from you 🥰🥰🥰🥰

#inbox #dyspunktional-revan #fic: kill your masters #verse: killswitch

2 notes · View notes