#but i dont want to do something i don't care about at all
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noellez-best-life23 · 2 days ago
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When you'd tried to argue about it, Mayor Walker hit back with "well we can't take any more from the school! Besides, no one needs the library anymore. They've all got their home computers and Internet. You'll be fine with the new budget." um excuse me yes, they do why do i want to slap someone already (sorry I work at library/bookstore) you're the mayor figure something else out
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mayor Walker really didn't seem to understand what the people of his city actually needed, but he didn't seem to care so long as he was in charge. i dont like him
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The biker, Bucky, smiles, "seems to me 'good folk' don't go harassing people who are just trying to do their job." You have to bite back a laugh at that comment. It's no good riling her up even more. i don't know if he's going to be good or bad yet but i like how he is sticking up for the reader here
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"Oh Doll," he cups your chin. "You don't need to be scared of me. I'll be good to you. oh no bucky why you got to be like that
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ok so the spicy smutty parts are hot but hes still makes me feel icky with some of the stuff he says
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Walker shudders a little before looking at you and shakily saying, "I'm so sorry for cutting your budget so much. I will amend that today, making sure to take the money out of my own salary." ok so i like this part just because walker sucks so much for cutting the budget in the first place and he deserves a broken nose for being so rude and not thinking of the people
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ok so i loved this and I'm excited to see where this goes and how it's going to get if I'm going to fully hate bucky in the future parts or will he be redeeming either way this was amazing
Your small town has been invaded by a biker club. They want a peaceful takeover but they can twist your arm if needed.
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Holy shnikes, I spent so much time working on this! I almost had to make it a two part story! I've barely been able to work on anything else because I needed to get this story written up instead. I honestly think I've never written anything like this before.
Word Count: ~3.6k
Warnings: Choking, Dub/non consent, Implied violence, Knife play (mild). Please let me know if I missed any!
Next Part
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Sheriff Lee Bodecker and Mayor John Walker caved to the bikers pretty quickly. Part of you could understand why; only a handful of officers in the entire county compared to a full biker gang? They'd never stand a chance. Better to be allowed to live without having to worry about ending up in the hospital. The Mayor didn't care so long as he got to keep his job, which now meant making the bikers happy.
Which meant paying the bikers with money from the city budget. Your library's budget in particular.
When you'd tried to argue about it, Mayor Walker hit back with "well we can't take any more from the school! Besides, no one needs the library anymore. They've all got their home computers and Internet. You'll be fine with the new budget."
In the end you'd had to let go all but one very part-time employee, relying on two or three volunteers instead. You were already working long hours but now they felt endless. With the budget cut, you had to reduce the purchases of new books in favor of maintaining the Internet connection several of older patrons relied on. Almost half of your day was spent working on applying for grants for additional funding for after-school programs and free-lunch programs for during the summer breaks.
Looking over everything, you were certain you'd have to dip into your own meager savings if you were going to meet the needs of your community. Mayor Walker really didn't seem to understand what the people of his city actually needed, but he didn't seem to care so long as he was in charge.
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During an after-school reading time with the Kindergartners you're surprised by the entrance of one of the bikers. You think he's the second-in-command, but you're not sure. He's definitely not the blond in charge; "Cap" you think they call their leader. Still, you have kids to take care of, and this newcomer is a grown man. He can take care of himself.
When the story is done it's time for a nap for the kids. This is very likely the longest they've ever been away from home, away from family, and the sleep helps keep them from getting overstimulated. It was another thing Mayor Walker just didn't understand. All of these kids had parents that worked full time and couldn't afford a babysitter. There were no daycare options, either. Decades ago the kids could be left with a grandparent or a cousin, but they're all working as well or moved out of town. That left the library as a haven for the kids who didn't have access to the limited after-school activities as an option.
If there's anything good about working in such a tiny library it's that you can keep an eye on the kids and the biker while going about your other duties. Thankfully you'd gotten some WD-40 for the book carts so they wouldn't squeak and wake anyone up while you re-shelve books.
You also get a better look at the biker. He's sitting in one of the chairs reading The Hobbit. You hate to admit it but he does look handsome. Longish dark hair, steely blue eyes. For some reason he's still wearing his gloves. If only his arrival hadn't heralded such troubles for you. Well, at least he wasn't causing trouble.
Shelving the books gets you a bit of stretching and some impromptu squat exercises. You spend so much of your time at a desk that this is the closest thing you get to a workout. Given how your body continually snaps, crackles and pops, you could probably use more.
Your exercise is cut short by Ruth's entry and you have to fight the urge to let out a groan. Ruth is one of the older ladies in town who refused to get a computer for her home. Unfortunately that means each time she visits, you have to walk her through even the most basic elements of using a computer so she can send an email to her granddaughter. The entire time she complains to you about how much she hates computers and how much she wishes her daughter would've raised her own daughter correctly and been happy to just accept a phone call, and on, and on, and on.
"Hello Ruth," you quietly say, customer service smile on. "Let me go ahead and log you in to one of our computers?"
"I'm not an invalid!" she loudly complains. You try to quiet her, pointing to the sleeping children but she isn't having it. "All you youngsters thinking an old lady can't do anything for herself! How dare you imply I can't log on to a computer? I'll do it my own self."
You take a breath to steady yourself before looking over at the little ones. They seem largely undisturbed but, knowing Ruth, they'll be awake sooner rather than later. Sighing you go ahead and get their after nap snacks ready. Just another hour or so until their parents start coming by to pick them up. It doesn't take long before Ruth is yelling at the computer, complaining to you that "it's clearly broken" and "why can't we just write letters" along with her forever complaint of "wouldn't have to do this if she'd just pick up the damn phone!"
The kids start waking up and you quickly have to balance keeping them from being upset by the angry lady while also knowing any attempts to placate the angry lady will be met with more anger. Thankfully the snacks are a good distraction for most.
"Would you like some help on a different computer, Ruth?" you ask through gritted teeth, knowing the answer.
"Oh stop treating me like one of those brats," she snaps back. "What kind of library is this where computers are more important than books? Shouldn't even have these monstrosities here!"
"Excuse me, Ruth, is it? I'm Bucky." You'd been so distracted going between Ruth and the kids you didn't notice the biker had put down his book and walked over.
"Oh don't get me started on you and yours!" Ruth retorts. "Town was so much better before you hooligans came along! Now I can't even call the police to help me out when then those teenagers are loitering in my yard!"
"Well Ruth, let me give you my number so the next time you can call me instead of the police," he offers. You're surprised at how calm he's sounding despite being yelled at.
Ruth huffs, "you no-good-beatniks! How dare you insult me! You should get out of our town and leave us good folk alone!"
The biker, Bucky, smiles, "seems to me 'good folk' don't go harassing people who are just trying to do their job." You have to bite back a laugh at that comment. It's no good riling her up even more.
Ruth storms out, letting you focus on the kids who are looking unsure if they should be upset or not. You give the biker a quick "thank you" before giving the little ones all of your attention. He nods and goes back to his reading.
Soon enough the parents start coming in and picking up their kids. Several of them stick around long enough to check out a book or movie and you have to balance taking care of the remaining children with getting the families out on their way. It's always such an ado that makes you really wish you could hire some extra help. A few parents complain about the snacks you gave their kids and you remind them, yet again, that they are free to donate snacks they consider appropriate. All the while you keep your customer service smile up, despite how much you're internally screaming and crying.
Things finally calm down and you're able to sit and take a breather. You desperately want to quit but this community needs a library, even if the Mayor doesn't think so. And goodness knows they'd never be able to hire anyone else to work these conditions. You look over to where the biker is sitting, still reading. If his gang hadn't shown up, you'd be in a much better position. Maybe even able to take a vacation.
Checking the time you decide to keep your professionalism and head over to the man. "Sir, excuse me?" He looks up at you, bright blue eyes momentarily startled. "Sir, we're going to be closing in about a half hour."
"Oh, yeah, sure thing," he nods as he closes the book. "Also, please call me Bucky."
"Sure thing, Bucky," you nod, too tired to argue.
"Gotta say, you do a lot of work for a librarian."
"What do you mean by that?" You don't hold back the bite in your tone and cross your arms.
He chuckles, "I didn't mean to offend. Just, I thought librarians were just supposed to check out the books, y'know? Maybe answer questions? Didn't expect you to also be a daycare, IT person and all that."
"And that's just the work that you saw," you snap at him.
"Don't you have anyone helping you out?"
"I did, before your gang came along!" You're unable to hold back any longer. "Because of you the Mayor cut my budget! I had to fire pretty much all my staff! I can't get the half the books the people of this community want! I have to beg the state government for funds to make sure kids have food when they don't school meals! Do you know how much cleaning I have to do because there's no room in the budget for professionals?! Do you have any idea how many of the things around here I have to pay for out of my own pocket?! You bikers demanded protection money and it came out of my budget!"
Bucky's gloved hand grabs neck, stopping you from talking. You try to fight but his arm is stronger than expected. Surprisingly he doesn't look angry so much as amused. "You know, I never thought I could go for the librarian type but this fire of yours does something to me." Your nostrils flare and he chuckles. "I've been yelled at twice today, Doll. A man can only take so much."
"I'm sorry," you grumble as best you can.
His hand loosens, "what was that, Doll?"
"I'm sorry," you repeat. "While you are the reason my budget was cut, you're not the one who made the decision. I'm sorry I took my anger and frustration out on you."
"That's more like it," he snickers. He pulls you uncomfortably close to himself. "And I'm more than happy to reward that better behavior." You look at him, confusion written all over your face, as the leather of his glove caresses your cheek. "Like I said, I never thought a librarian would rouse my interest, but you're something else." You roll your eyes and try to pull away, but he isn't having it. His grip tightens around your throat again, even as his smile widens, baring his teeth. "I can be very good to you, Doll, so long as you're good for me."
His implication is clear and you really don't have any options.
"I need to close the library," you grumble.
Bucky removes his hand from around your throat, "good idea. Don't want to get caught now, do we?"
Your body is shaking as you go about the routine for closing the library. Your brain is working overtime to try to figure out some kind of way out of this. Running isn't an option. Even if you made it to your car, where could you go? Calling for help definitely wouldn't do anything. You seriously doubt he would hesitate to make an example of you if you ran.
With the last of the doors locked and the blinds closed you return the biker and almost whimper, "my office?"
"Oh Doll," he cups your chin. "You don't need to be scared of me. I'll be good to you."
"Do...do you...do you have a condom?"
He chuckles, "don't worry, we're not going that far tonight. But I love that you're ready for it."
Without warning he grabs you and pulls you in for a suffocating, forceful kiss. His tongue quickly pushing its way past your lips. Mentally reminding yourself to do what he wants, you open your mouth to give him access and he moans. One of his hands moves down to your breast and you have to will yourself to not flinch away from the touch.
"Take off the cardigan. And the top," he orders.
You back up just a bit so you can oblige. "The bra as well?"
"Nah, that'll be for me to remove." His voice sounds rougher than before and his eyes are definitely darker. He seems amused by the fact that you maintain eye contact while removing your clothes. "You're so pretty when you're defiant," he teases. "But I'm sure I'll have you pleading for more in no time."
Willing your eyes not to roll you instead snipe back, "don't make promises you can't keep. Wouldn't be the first disappointment I've had."
He has the nerve to laugh at that. "I'll make a believer out of you, Doll."
Walking to your office, he sits in your chair, gesturing for you to get on his lap. "Make me think you want this," he commands.
Taking a deep breath, eyes never leaving his, you move to straddle him. He's surprised when you grab the back of his head and turn his face up before shoving your tongue down his throat. He moans in appreciation and his arms wrap around you as he returns your fervor. You bite his lower lip and start grinding against his crotch.
He removes his right glove before undoing your bra faster than you expected. You pull apart from him just long enough to remove the bra and he takes the opportunity to latch himself to your breast. His ungloved hand moves to fondle your other breast while his surprisingly strong left arm holds you up. His ministrations have you gasping as your body instinctively continues to grind against him. His slow, languid movements are in direct contrast to the speed your hips have set and the difference is affecting you.
Suddenly you're on your back on the desk. Bucky had managed to move his left hand to prevent your head from banging on the desk. Your eyes widened from more than just surprise at the realization of how fast and strong he was.
"Sorry, Doll, you were getting me too worked up already," he smirks at you. He moves his hands so they're on each side of your head, hovering over you. "It really is the quiet ones, huh?" You can't help roll your eyes and he chuckles. "Let's see how loud you can get."
He quickly unbuttons your pants and pulls them off of you before getting out a knife. Your breath hitches and he chuckles as he takes the blade to your panties, cutting them off of you. He puts the panties to his nose, "you smell so good. How long's it been, Doll? Months? Can't imagine you get a lotta action in this town."
"It's been a while," you confess, heat burning your cheeks at how turned on you are. You can't bring yourself to look at him.
He stuffs your panties into his pocket and taps your thighs with the knife so you spread them open. "You look so pretty like this," he snickers, clearly amused by your discomfort.
He slams the knife into the desk by your head, making you yelp in surprise. Using his left arm to hover over you, he whispers into your ear, "such a pretty scream," as his fingers start playing with your pussy. He groans at how wet you are, "fuck, Doll, I should'a known you'd be into the rough play."
You squeal as he mercilessly jams two of his fingers into you, all the way to the knuckle. As you involuntarily arch your back he alternates licking, sucking and nibbling your nipples. He adds a third finger and mercilessly drives his hand in and out of your soaked pussy. He pushes himself up and uses his now free arm to start choking you. You try to push his arm away, but it's impossibly strong. You're shocked to feel your orgasm building as your gasping for air.
He must sense it too because he grins and starts ordering you to "give me what I want, Doll. Cum around my fingers. I can feel how close you are." He gives your nipple a sharp bite that pushes you over the edge and cum with a hoarse scream, his fingers never slowing down, his grip never letting up.
It's only after you've stopped cumming that he eases up. "That was fucking gorgeous," he taunts before pulling his fingers out of you and licking them. He closes his eyes and moans at your flavor, making you burn with embarrassment. You start to get up but his left hand keeps you pressed to the desk. "I'm not done, Doll."
"I'm sorry," you murmur. "I shouldn't have assumed."
"God you're a good, smart girl. Keep those legs spread for me." You do as he says while trying to look anywhere but him. He pulls the knife out of your desk and flips it so that the hilt is pointed towards you. "Look at me, Doll. I want you to watch." You struggle to look and he rubs the hilt of the knife against your oversensitive clit, making you jump. "I said, look. At. Me. Doll." You're quick to follow his orders this time.
He puts the knife away before undoing his belt and pants. As much as you could feel when you were grinding against him, as much as you could see the his bulge, you weren't expecting his cock to be so big. Your eyes widen and he chuckles, "like I said, we're not going that far tonight. Now be good and don't move unless I tell you."
Grabbing your legs he pulls you so your ass is a little off the desk and runs his cock over your pussy, gathering up your slick and rubbing over your clit, making you whimper. He starts groaning in pleasure, "god you're so wet from just one orgasm. Can't wait to see how soaked you get after a full night with me." He positions your thighs so that you're squeezing his cock between them and he gives a few thrusts, spreading your own juices all your thighs.
"Gonna mark you up with my cum," he growls as he picks up his pace, squeezing your thighs even tighter. His hands are hurting you but his cock keeps rubbing against your clit and it's feeling so damn good you don't register his words. You moan and whine as you barrel towards your next orgasm. "That's it, Doll. You make the prettiest faces. Can't wait to see you covered in my cum. Gonna look so damn pretty with my seed all over you."
He squeezes your thighs impossibly tight and you cum so hard from the pain and pleasure combination you don't notice him ejaculating all over your stomach and chest.
When he finally catches his breath he reaches into his jacket and pulls out his phone to take a photo. You try to protest but he gives you a warning look. You drop your face, trying to not cry from how dirty you feel. He puts the phone away and lifts your chin, "don't worry, Doll. That photo is just for me." He kisses the top of your head and you try not to wince. "And because you were so good to me, made me feel so good, I'll be good to you. Now get your clothes back on and I'll escort you home."
"Can I clean up?"
"Not until you get home," he growls. "You don't get rid of my marks until I give you permission."
"Yes, Bucky," you sniffle.
"Aw, don't be like that, Doll," he gently chides. "I take care of what's mine."
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The next morning you wake up from a nightmare riddled sleep, feeling more tired than ever. After your morning routine you step outside to head to the library but stop short when you see Bucky on his motorcycle, waiting for you. Wordlessly he hands you a helmet and you don't even try to question or talk him out of whatever he has planned, you just put the helmet on and get on the bike behind him, holding him incredibly tight so you don't fall off.
He stops in front of City Hall and helps you off the bike before walking you in. He doesn't stop until he's led you to the Mayor's office. Your shocked to see Cap, the leader of the biker gang, sitting next to Mayor Walker, whose nose has recently been broken. You gasp and try to turn away but Bucky grabs you and keeps you facing the Mayor.
Cap pats Walker's shoulder, "now what did I tell you?"
Walker shudders a little before looking at you and shakily saying, "I'm so sorry for cutting your budget so much. I will amend that today, making sure to take the money out of my own salary."
Your shaking, unable to respond. Bucky whispers into your ear, "what do you say, Doll?"
"Th-thank you, Mayor Walker," you stutter. "I...I really appreciate that you've ch-changed your mind."
"That's my girl," Bucky whispers before guiding you out of the office.
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Next Part
Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly
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prettywhenicryyyyyyyy · 3 days ago
Text
What are we?
park sunghoon / one shot
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖.
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★ pairing : sunghoon × fem reader
★ content : f! reader x sunghoon, high school situationship, making out, out of jealousy
★ gnere : situationship, friend with benefits
★ 𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 : smut- 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀, nipples licking, bite fetish, 𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗏𝖾 and 𝗃𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗈𝗎𝗌 𝗌𝗎𝗇𝗀𝗁𝗈𝗈n, emotionally unavailable and cold hearted sunghoon. D𝗈 𝗅𝖾𝗍 𝗆𝖾 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗂𝖿 𝗂 𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀.
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song suggestions (while reading this):
friends by chase atlantic
house of balloons / glass table girls by the weeknd
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You were like two opposite ends of a magnet, drawn to each other but always repelled. He was emotionally unavailable, closed off and guarded, while you were an introvert who craved connection. And yet, despite your differences, you found themselves in a messy, complicated whirlwind of a situationship.
There was something about Park Sunghoon, He was a man who could charm any woman with his smile alone, his chiseled features and striking eyes drawing them in like moths to a flame. Yet, beneath that handsome exterior lay a heart of ice, cold and unyielding to any who dared to try and break through. One look into his steely gaze and you knew that love was not something that came easily to him, if at all. Despite his cold-hearted nature, he was fiercely possessive of you. Whenever he saw other guys paying attention to you, a dark anger would rise in him, and he would glare at them with a steely intensity that made them scurry away. But when he looked at you, his expression softened, and it was like you were the most precious thing in the world to him. He may have been popular in school, but when it came to you, he was utterly captivated.
in the evening
"excited to see me tomorrow?" he texted
"you wish" you replied.
"Is that a challenge?" he teased "Because I am pretty sure i can make you admit that you can't resist me" he said
*sighs*
"You're so full of yourself" you retorted with playful sarcasm "As if i'd ever admit something like that to you"
"You will tomorrow." he replied
"huh? Alright see you tomorrow"
"don't be late, I dont want to waste my time waiting for you" he said
"yes, i won't be late"
As you lay in bed that night, your thoughts kept drifting to sunghoon with the captivating eyes and the possessive demeanor. You couldn't help but wonder what he was doing right now, if he was thinking about you too, if he cared about you like you cared about him. Despite his aloofness, you couldn't deny the undeniable pull he had on you, the magnetic force that drew you in despite you better judgment.
in the morning
You arrived at school with a mix of nervousness and anticipation swirling in your stomach. As you made your way through the halls, your eyes scanned the crowd for any sign of sunghoon. You tried to act nonchalant, but you couldn't help feeling a flutter of excitement at the thought of seeing him again.
As you walked through the crowded hallway, completely lost in your own thoughts, a voice suddenly spoke from behind you "Hey, what's up?" Sunghoon, had sneaked up behind you, a smirk playing on his lips as he watched you startle. As he hugged you, your body pressed against his, you were just about to start telling him about a problem you were having when he suddenly interrupted you. "Not now," he said tersely, his tone making it clear that he wasn't interested in whatever it was you had to say.
He held you tighter, as if trying to shut out the world and keep you all to himself.
You took a deep breath and summoned up the courage to speak her mind. "Can we discuss something serious for a moment?" you asked, your voice steady despite the nerves gnawing at your insides.
He looked down at you, a hint of surprise in his eyes. "What is it?" he said, his tone a little less dismissive than usual.
"I was wondering if we could talk about our relationship," she continued. "I feel like we care about each other, and I think it's time we take this thing further."
His eyes darkened at your words, his irritation apparent. "Why are you rushing things?" he repeated, his voice laced with annoyance. "We're fine the way things are now. I don't see why we need to change anything." The discussion quickly escalated into a full-blown argument.
"I'm not happy just being your casual fling," you said, your voice rising in volume. "I want more than just physical contact. I want an actual relationship."
He clenched his jaw, his expression tight with anger. "That's all this is to me," he snapped. "A casual fling. I don't do relationships, I've told you that from the start. If you can't handle that, then maybe you need to find someone else" and he left.
You couldn't help but feeling a swirl of emotions - sad, angry, and confused. You couldn't understand why he wouldn't even consider a real relationship with you, why he was so intent on keeping things casual. It hurt you to know that he didn't value your emotional needs as much as he did the physical aspect of their connection.
in the classroom
As you entered the classroom, already feeling vulnerable and upset from your fight with sunghoon. As you took your seat, jake from your class who had been crushing on you for years approached you with a sly grin on his face. "Hey, beautiful," he purred, leaning in close and making your skin crawl. His eyes roamed over your body, taking in your every move and making it abundantly clear that he was undressing you in his mind.
"Back off, you creep" you replied through gritted teeth
"what's the matter, sweetheart?" he asked in a mocking tone.
He stepped even closer, invading your personal space and making you feel cramped and claustrophobic.
Sunghoon had been lurking in the background, watching the entire interaction between you and jake. He had seen your discomfort and fear, and it enraged him. When jake tried to touch your waist, his eyes narrowed, hands clenched into fists as he felt the intense primal jealousy and possessive desire to claim you as his own. .He strode over, anger etched across his face, and delivered a hard punch to Jake's jaw, sending him sprawling to the floor. Jake staggered backward, stunned by the unexpected attack. He brought a hand to his aching jaw, his eyes wide with disbelief and anger as he stared up at sunghoon who stood over him. His lips curled up in a sinister, cruel smile.
Jake: "So what's your deal, Sunghoon? I see you're all possessive and protective over her, but you're too emotionally unavailable to actually make her your girlfriend, right?"
Sunghoon's expression darkened at Jake's words, his eyes narrowing as he clenched his fists.
Sunghoon: "Shut up, Jake. You don't know anything about us."
Jake: "Oh, I think I know enough. You act like you care, but you're just too scared to commit."
Sunghoon grabbed him by the collar, his eyes widening with fear. his voice was cold and dangerous as he spoke, his eyes gleaming with anger.
"Listen to me, you little scumbag," he hissed through gritted teeth. "You've got two options. Either you get the hell out of her sight right now, or I'll kill you. Understand?"
Jake pushed sunghoon back, his eyes gleamed with mockery as he continued to goad Sunghoon.
"You're a goddamn coward, Sunghoon," he hissed. "You act like you're so tough and strong, but when it comes to committing to a relationship, you're nothing but a weak-ass coward.
"You're lucky I don't kill you right now," Sunghoon growled, his eyes filled with rage. Then he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Jake lying on the ground, clutching his bleeding nose and nursing his bruised ego.
As Sunghoon stalked away, the other students parted like the Red Sea, giving him a wide berth. They knew better than to get in his way when he was in this kind of mood.
You were frightened by Sunghoon's sudden outburst of anger. It was a side of him you hadn't seen before, and it raised questions about his true nature.
You reached out to Sunghoon as he started to walk away, feeling a mixture of worry and anger.
"What the hell was that?" you said, your voice sharp. "You can't just go around attacking people because they say something you don't like."
He stopped and looked back at you his expression a mix of anger and frustration.
"You don't understand," he said, his voice gruff. "He was being a dick, and he had it coming.
You questioned "Why do you care so deeply? What are we?" sunghoon found himself speechless. You demanded, "If you care so much, why can't you just accept us and what we have?"
Without answering your question sunghoon silently walked off to the school game room, his thoughts swirling with the conversation just had with you. He couldn't ignore the growing questions about undefined situation and the need for clear boundaries, you followed him your curiosity about him and the complicated relationship driving you forward.
As you entered the game room, you spotted him near the pool table, a mixture of anticipation and nerves coursing through you. Desperate to avoid the inevitable conversation, you grabbed a pool stick, feigning interest in the game. Your fingers trembled slightly. He looked at you with a playful grin and said, "You're holding the stick all wrong, sweetheart." His voice held a hint of flirtation that sent a shiver down your spine. He took a step closer, holding the pool stick in one hand. "Let me show you how to play pool y/n" His tone was smooth as he positioned himself behind you, adjusting her grip on the stick, his touch sending a jolt through your body. You could feel his breath on her neck, stirring a mix of nerves and excitement. His dick was hard, As he stood near you.
As his lips inched closer to your neck, your pulse quickened, betraying the effect his proximity had on her. His hands encircled your waist, pulling you closer to him. Your breath hitched "What are-"
"shhh" he whispered "no more questions, no more rules." His touch sent a shiver down your spine, he turned your face towards his, catching your lips in a passionate kiss. She melted into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around you, lifting you effortlessly onto the pool table. your legs hugged his hips as he closed any remaining space between bodies, his hands roaming over your curves. "I get defensive and insecure because you're mine, mine to have and to hold" he said as he grabbed your throat "He nipped and sucked your neck, leaving a trail of hickeys that marked you as his own. Your body trembled, strange desire to submit, to surrender, to be owned by him, flared within you, making it difficult to resist his dominant possessiveness. You could only manage a breathless "Yes" in response. His touch was making you weak. You let out a soft moan *unnghhh* unable to resist the sensations he was stirring within you.
He smirked at her response and whispered, "Yeah, that's what I like. Let me hear you," his voice a seductive drawl "I'd pin you against the wall and kiss you right in front that fucker jake, just to remind him you're mine"
"Please," she whispered, her voice a mix of pleading and desire, "claim me, make me yours, I don't want anyone else, I just want you. Sunghoon's hands moved to your shirt, unbuttoning it slowly, revealing your perfect cleavage with each button undone. His touch was light but firm. "I guess now i know why i have canines" he whispered. He leaned in and bit your boobs, his teeth leaving a mark on your boobs your body arching towards his as you gasped in response. His tongue traced the mark he left, soothing the burning sensation before nipping her again, harder this time. You were aware of Sunghoon's bite fetish now, and it only heightened the sensations you felt as he continued to leave bites and hickeys all over your skin. Each bite was a claim, making you feel more and more like his possession. Despite the slight pain, you found yourself arching towards his mouth, silently begging him for more, her body craving the mixture of pain and pleasure that his bites caused.
Sunghoon, watching your reactions with dark satisfaction, didn't hesitate to slide your bra down, leaving your boobs completely exposed. His eyes roamed over your boobs "Fuck" he said with seductin in his voice. Sunghoon leaned in, his tongue swiping across your nipples, a mix of claiming and taste. He couldn't get enough of your nipples, wanting to memorize every inch of her body with his lips and tongue.
"You taste sweeter than I imagined, " he whispered, his breath against your skin making you shiver, "You're mine and I'm taking every part of you that I can," he growled, his voice rough and possessive. When you moaned his name, Sunghoon felt a burst of possessive satisfaction. Your submission to him only served to fuel his possessive desire further.
"That's right," he muttered, his mouth moving along her skin, leaving a trail of kisses and bites. "Say my name again, I want to hear you moan it, I want to hear you begging for me." As you lost control, your body was completely in sync with his touch, her every thought and action driven by your desire for him.
"I need you, Sunghoon," you whispered, your voice a hoarse gasp. "I need more, I need all of you, do whatever you want with me, I'm yours." He grabbed your boobs taking a firm gentle hold. As she lost control, her body was completely in sync with his touch, her every thought and action driven by her desire for him. "Say it," he ordered "Say you're mine."
"I'm yours." you said in a breathless whisper "That's right" he murmured.
His face was now buried in between your boobs, his breathing heavy and hot against your sensitive skin. He inhaled deeply, as if he was trying to capture your very essence. His hands continued their possessive hold on your body, his grip tight and unyielding.
"You're mine," he muttered again, his voice muffled against her skin, "Completely mine, every last inch of you."
────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ
hope you enjoyed! let me know which part made you giggle.
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soft-cristobalite · 12 hours ago
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Watched arcane season 2 act 1, thought abt it, so here are some of my thoughts in no particular order. Obvious spoilers.
Also, i watched in dub. Important to know when i am quoting charaters + when i am talking about their tone.
Starting of with something that is directly affected by dub — ukrainian Jayce is my Jayce. Ppl said he sounded condesending while talking to Ekko — not. at. alllll. true for my Jayce. My Jayce sounded tired, emotionaly burn out. "You drink tea, Ekko?" said with no though to it, in a context of continues talking of "Haha do i live here? Hahah....... Do you guys want tea? Want some tea? I'll make tea. Do you drink tea, Ekko?". But d-dub is supposed to stay true to the original— I DONT CAREEE. I love my blorbo almost-himbo Jayce, never changing his characterisation in my mind.
And i will hold Jayce's hand when i say this — you were. Just so gay for like... Essentialy going "Are you okay? Good, good" to lady Mel Medarda HERSELF and then seeing Victor and losing your mind. Sprinting with him in your hands to your lab. LIVING in your lab to monitor him. I just... I get it, you don't have many friends. But like...... Really dude. Reaally.
Give Mel and Ekko thirty minutes. I promise you they would work it out. Eternal piece would be achieved.
I know there are a lot of different opinions regarding Caitlyn. I will not be explaining in-depts what i think about her acr, because a) who cares and b) i like to see her go cray-cray. But like — why isnt anybody exept for Vi attempting to stop her??? Like why is Jayce mourning Victor's twink death instead of, yk, stopping his childhood-best-friend-kinda-younger-sister from killing ppl of Zaun, the last thing Victor wants btw? She and Vi are twenty-ish — WHYYYY are they going through it by themselves??? Why doesnt baby yoda guy with German name that i dont dare to write trying to stop the daughtrer of his ex-collegue? He is 600 or something, im sure he could've come up with advice.
Cait pointing her gun at a child is terrifying, it opens up the possibilities of her going even more blinded with anger, doing even more horrific things, and Vi is right to try and stop her. However... I know damn right i would've believe her when she said she will not miss 😭 Every single time she fired her gun she was very precise. Even in that scene she aimed at the gun the girl was holding like two seconds ago and got a perfect. fucking. score. Like i dont remember her missing at all, actually.
"Ohhhhh you're gonnnaaa haaaaaattteeee Maddie after act two—" says who? On that note, i hope both Cait AND Vi will sleep with a few random people. Good for them. Let them try to forget about each other only to realise just how down bad they are for one another. Let the scenes of Cait and Maddie hooking up intertwine with Vi's one night stand.
"Maddie is just gonna be a victim of comander Cait :(((" and i do not have any thing to say to that — we dont yet KNOW what will happen — but I dont think Cait will try to manipulate her into this. I think Maddie will flirt a bit, Cait will try and seek salvage and vulnerability in someone, especially since she is now constantly in public's eye and needs to project hope™ and stoicism™. It will be a genuine attempt to move on — not anybody's fault she can't.
But oh god, oh goooddd i cant wait for Maddie to loose the spark in her eyes due to lesbian situationship.
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gottalovetumbler · 2 days ago
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𝓓𝓪𝔂 11
ᵖʳⁱᶜᵉ/ⁿⁱᵏᵗᵒ/ᵏᵒⁿⁱᵍ/ⁿⁱᵏᵒˡᵃⁱ/ᵏʳᵘᵉᵍᵃʳ ˣ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ
Info: Pt2 of day 9, cussing, confusion, 1 use of Y/N, that’s about all, Hope y’all enjoy!
——— 🍲 🛏️ 🚗 ———
‘Thanks.’
‘Of course Jack, tell Laura and the kids I say hi!’
 
He shoots you a thumbs up as he walks away, apple shoved in his mouth. The soup vat you’re serving out of is getting low, the ladle is barely able to scoop without scraping the bottom. Just as you're about to turn around and grab more, Chase slides in beside you and swaps them out without a sweat. Now that you think about it, Chase isn't even glistening or flush cheeked. You, on the other hand, feel like an ant trapped under the light beam of a magnifying glass some psychopathic 4 year old is holding. 
‘Here ya go, fresh and ready to serve,’ beaming, he turns to you and his smile drops, ‘you ok? You don't look too hot.’
The air is harder to breathe but you're also standing over a steaming pot of soup so it's not like you're breathing the freshest air. It's hot steam that's rolling through your nostrils as you inhale causing your head to go fuzzy. Your temples are throbbing and your eyes feel tight but that's just because of the steam, right?
‘Y/N you should really go take a break or at-least sit down. If I looked like death earlier then you look like death reincarnate.’
‘Gee thanks Chase, you really know how to flatter a girl don't you?’
You turn to Chase, about to reassure him you're perfectly fine but when you open your eyes you see…… Nikolai? What is Nikolai doing in the kitchen? What is Nikolai doing near you? He hurt your feelings. Bleary blinking turns to a tired glare and downturned mouth. 
‘Ere she is. Follow my finger luv.’
Captain Price? What is he doing in the kitchen? He also hurt your feelings. Why are the two men you dont wanna see in the kitchen with you? Turning away you feel your hair catch and slide on a soft texture. Since when were the lights in the kitchen a warm yellow? Why…. why are there pillows in the kitchen? Whatever interior decorator did this needs to be fired asap.
‘Luv, come on you gotta follow-’
‘Shhhhhhhhhhhh.’ your finger smushes his lips.’I don’ wanna talk to you or you,’ said finger gets about 1 cm from stabbing Nikolais eye out. ‘Why are there pillows in the kitchen? Did you bring them Nikolai?,’ Your head moves as you look around the room. ‘You seem like the kind of persson to put a pillow in a kitchen, fucking psycopath.’ 
Whatever Nikolai tries to say is halted as Price grips his arm, they begin murmuring. Whatever, if they wanna have their secrets then they can have them. The more you look around the more you see, obviously. Wow, they must have renovated the kitchen while you were distracted by the soup. Sneaky bastards, they even painted the walls differently. Not sure why someone would want a bed in the middle of a kitchen and no counters but you're not one to judge. Hey, they even renovated your clothing at the same time. Sitting up you slide your legs around to truly feel the soft texture of the gray sweatpants that replaced your plaid pjs.
Price and Nikolai are still talking and other than the few concerned glances, they don't pay you much mind. Judging by the size of this room, they must have put up walls and sectioned off the kitchen so…. time to go EXPLORE. Gracefully flopping onto the floor there's a scuffle behind you but you're too busy taking off out the door to care. Your body immediat;y meets a wall that you bounce off of before scurrying right. Seconds later the door slams open again and both men are right on your ass. 
That's where the counters are! The warm yellow light has turned cold white, which kinda hurt your head, but damn are you excited to see the counters. And oh my goodness, Konig and Nikto are sitting at the counters, how exciting! You wanna stop and talk but something tells you to keep running. It is pretty fun, even with burning in your chest and throat but whatever!
‘Hello Konig! Hello Nikto! The….. the kitchen looks cool huh? Can't believe they put a bed in it, how silly!’ You shoot past them so fast their clothing jostles. Before they can reply you're out the front door with Nikolai and Price just exiting the hall. 
‘Shes go’ a bad concussion, doesn know where she is.’ Is the quick explanation they get before they join the chase.
Your nose meets fresh air and your eyes meet a gorgeous sunset lit base. Grass paddens your footsteps as you run and oh look, a shed! Pretty sure you've seen that in a dream or something, how fun! A shadow separates from the shed as you grow closer and oh, he must really like the shed. Pretty sure he was in your dream about it, he helped you with the hoses. What a nice man.
 
‘Hello hose man!’
You assume his eyes follow you as you pass, not like you can see them or anything but his head moves so his gotta even if they don't want to. The soft grass turns to hard black pavement, this stuff hurts your feet as they slam into it. Huh, they must have renovated your shoes to socks without you noticing also. The renovators have to be ninjas or something, sooooooo sneaky.
Following the center line is quite fun as you run, sometimes it turns into shorter lines and then you semi hop on them. The game is cut short as the lines become light and lighter. The yelling behind you grows louder even though you get further from the sources. How odd. Turning your attention back to straight you are blinded by two large glowing eyes. Whatever animal this is, it's got a loud screech. So loud that you skid to a stop and plug your ears, eyes closing automatically from the sheer brightness. 
White floors your eyes and stays, burning your retinas though your lids. Muffled noises grow louder and louder. Shouting back and forth as they all gain distance. Some sounded angry, some worried. Ringing starts up as soft hands grip yours and remove them from your ears.
‘Ye guys need tae shut th' fuck up!,’ the pretty mohawked man turns back to you, ‘Ye a'richt lassie? Did ye git hurt anywhere? Dae ye ken where ye are?’ You know him right? Maybe. You feel like you do, his name is on the tip of your tongue.
‘Hello……. your pretty. Wait… were you riding in on that animal? It's really loud and it's got bright eyes. How'd you ride it?’ He turns and looks at the animal before looking back at you, smile never faltering.
‘Thanks bonnie, ah think yer pretty tae. Dae ye ken whaur yer richt noo?’
‘Oh yea were in the kitchen. How crazy right!,’ you wave him closer as you lean towards his ear, ‘Ninjas renovated it and they are pretty sneaky so i never noticed.’
‘Ah..... Ninjas ye say? They're quite sneaky yer richt. How aboot we go back tae bed 'n' lay doon. Ah heard if ye lay in bed lang enough, they'll even come 'n' visit ye.’
‘Really? I wanna see the ninjas, let's go!’ You grip his wrist and start walking back the way you came. 
‘Oh, I didn't realize you had so many friends. Did they also ride on the animal with you?’ Four men were standing and watching the interaction, occasionally sharing looks. ‘Don't trust those two,’ Johnny snorts as you whisper yell into his ear and point at Price and Nikolai.
‘Is that richt? Weel ah bet thay wont mynd traivelin back whin ye 'n' aye take the car back.’
Your feet planted firmly into the ground as he tried to pull you toward the scary animal. He gets the hit immediately and pivots, pulling you back toward the group of men.
 
‘Ye don lik’ cap 'n' nik so thay kin take the car back. What aboot th' ither three, dae thay git tae join us on our walk?’
‘Yea! Nikto and Konig are nice, if you don't feel good they bring flowers. Super nice, but him,’ you point at Kruegar, ‘I've only seen him in my dream so I'm not sure. But he was nice in my dream so he's gotta be nice in real life too.’
With that, the five of you make your way back to the kitchen bed. The animal was able to go way faster than all of you so it went ahead. The sun dropped below the horizon long ago and the chill is starting to crawl up your legs through the thin socks. The two mean men aren't your friends but everyone else, they are basically your best friends. And best friends don't let their friends grow cold right? So if you're cold they must be cold too. 
Your silence gains a few glances as the men quickly talk, all of them have gloves but three, including you. Without much thought you grab the hands. Sure enough, they are chilly just like yours. Good thing you were here to warm them up, who knows how many fingers they would have lost in this cold if you didn't help warm them up. It's obvious when their cold hands warm up, their stiff fingers growing lax and curling around yours.
The animals asleep as your group approaches the house, it must be tired like you. The mean men are waiting in the kitchen's kitchen, standing when you enter. Gravity itself must be attacking your eyelids, it's almost impossible to look around as you're guided back to the kitchen bed. The socks are slid off your legs by someone you can't see, eyes too heavy to open. Must be those damn ninjas. The want to see them is overpowered by your want to nap. You'll only nap for 10 minutes then you'll open your eyes and see the ninjas yourself. When you do see them, youll be sure to ask them how their so fucking sneaky.
——— 🍲 🛏️ 🚗 ———
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tiny-starlight-creature · 2 days ago
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answering these to introduce myself in this blog!
1. how did you first find out about agere in general?
I've known of the community for about... two years? I dont remember exactly how I found it, but probably someone mentioned it to me on discord.
2. how did u first find out that you were a regressor?
less than a year ago now! I started out as an age dreamer but started experiencing involuntary regressions.
3. what nicknames or pet names do you like to be called when you’re little?
anything related to space or stars! also stuff like Bubba, Little one, Baby, Tiny, Kiddo are good too. I also like nonhuman pet names like Kit, Cub or Chick.
4. does your music taste change when you’re regressed? if so, how?
I tend to prefer instrumental music when I'm little. I don't like to heard the lyrics like when I'm big, so I just have a playlist with the instrumental versions of the music I like.
6. do you usually regress voluntarily or involuntarily (or a mix of both)?
a mix of both, but its still more voluntary than anything.
7. what most often makes you regress?
being tired or sleepy, being cozy in bed with a warm drink or watching my favourite movies. feeling safe in general, I can't regress if I feel exposed or unsafe.
8. if you don’t have a cg, would you want one? if you do have a cg, how’d you meet them?
don't want caregivers, I'm a big kid! I can take care of myself just fine (I have fictional caregivers tho! they rotate depending on my current interests, now it's mainly The Doctor from Doctor Who but there are others)
9. if you have other marginalised identities (lgbtq+, neurodivergent, poc, etc), how do they figure into your regression? (intersectionality is so cool)
I'm aroace and autistic (probably)! being autistic is a HUGE part of my regression, as I let myself unmask when I'm little and I let out my emotions more than I usually do. I'm also nonhuman, and that impacts my regression too.
10. are you open about your age regression irl? how about online outside of tumblr?
nooo. too scary.
11. what physical places do you associate with your regression? (school, parks, shops, people’s houses, etc)
my room only. I don't feel safe anywhere else.
12. what’s something typically associated with agere (pacis, babbling, bluey, etc) that you don’t do?
I don't like pacis, and I don't do the baby talk that other regressors seem to like (it's too difficult to read for me). also, I don't like the kidcore aesthetic.
13. how does your current regressed personality differ from your personality when you were physically that age?
not much to be honest. I'm more low-energy and much more quiet than when I was a kid, but that's because I'm an adult now and my personality has changed a lot. but otherwise, I act a lot like how I did back then.
14. do you use different pronouns or preferred names when you’re regressed? if so, what are they?
yes yes! I looove space-themed names, they're so fun! my favourite is Starlight, but I have A LOT of them. my pronouns are the same tho.
15. what platforms do you usually go to for agere content? (tumblr, pinterest, instagram, etc)
tumblr! I don't have any other social media.
16. what’s a niche or unpopular interest you associate with your regression?
SPACE. I think that's obvious :D even tho its not really niche. ummm... I like bugs!
17. what’s ur favorite color + something you love that’s that color?
blue! my favourite blanket (a very soft cloak thingy that I wear around the house) is blue. I also like purple! and yellow!
18. which (if any) fictional characters do you think would be littles?
Spiderman has Big Little Energy!! all of the turtles from ROTTMNT too (specially Raph and Donnie). oh and Jonathan Sims from TMA. and Crowley from Good Omens! they are silly little guys.
19. which (if any) fictional characters do you think would be caregivers?
The Doctor from Doctor Who! (hes my cg :D) also Batman. and some Pokémon (not all of them tho). and Aziraphale from GO. and Steve and Alex from Minecraft :D
20. what’s something you wish you knew about agere when you first found out about it?
that its not as dramatic as some stories paint it to be. it can be intense sometimes, sure, but you can just. do little activities while not regressed. its allowed. you can do whatever you want forever!!
hi friends !! i finally finished making this :D i tried to come up with inclusive agere questions that rly make u think and aren’t specific to any brands, countries, media, etc. hopefully i did a good job at that ^^
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feel free to use or repost this image as long as the credit stays in tact !!
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. :+* made with a free canva template by So Swell Edu
. :+* plain text version under the cut !!
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20 AGERE QUESTIONS
1. how did you first find out about agere in general?
2. how did u first find out that you were a regressor?
3. what nicknames or pet names do you like to be called when you’re little?
4. does your music taste change when you’re regressed? if so, how?
5. which fictional characters do you most relate to (or kin) when you’re little? do you still relate to them when you’re not regressed?
6. do you usually regress voluntarily or involuntarily (or a mix of both)?
7. what most often makes you regress?
8. if you don’t have a cg, would you want one? if you do have a cg, how’d you meet them?
9. if you have other marginalised identities (lgbtq+, neurodivergent, poc, etc), how do they figure into your regression? (intersectionality is so cool)
10. are you open about your age regression irl? how about online outside of tumblr?
11. what physical places do you associate with your regression? (school, parks, shops, people’s houses, etc)
12. what’s something typically associated with agere (pacis, babbling, bluey, etc) that you don’t do?
13. how does your current regressed personality differ from your personality when you were physically that age?
14. do you use different pronouns or preferred names when you’re regressed? if so, what are they?
15. what platforms do you usually go to for agere content? (tumblr, pinterest, instagram, etc)
16. what’s a niche or unpopular interest you associate with your regression?
17. what’s ur favorite color + something you love that’s that color?
18. which (if any) fictional characters do you think would be littles?
19. which (if any) fictional characters do you think would be caregivers?
20. what’s something you wish you knew about agere when you first found out about it?
by @tiny-tk on tumblr
tumblr tag: #20 agere questions
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chemblrish · 1 year ago
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Thesis crisis part ???
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lunarharp · 1 year ago
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if i just told you i love you would this world change
#witch hat tag#orufrey#these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!!#i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was#some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that#like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god#aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it#ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!#I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE!#tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood.#Why do you keep pulling away from me?#It is because i love you that i do this#the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings#“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want#to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“#oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you#maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me#i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life#until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to#NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!!#........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*
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fantasiac · 5 hours ago
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I had an idea to make a comic about what Shadow was doing while sonic was "dead" (it was planned to be test in writing sonadow while staying in-character), and it would focus on Tails a bit, I wrote a scene where shadow encounters Tails, it's unpolished, but here it is (this is about 3 months into Sonic's dissappearance):
T "you. what do *you* want?"
S "I'm looking for sonic-"
T "Sonic is gone!" (at this point Tails knows it's the real Shadow because he spoke, and phantoms didn't speak this early in yet)
S "Tails..."
T "you stood there and watched it happen!"
S "that-"
T "I DONT CARE! you don't understand, Shadow... I could have DONE SOMETHING! ...but I didn't, I watched as infinite killed him in seconds..."
S "Tails... *sigh* I know what you're going through-"
T "DON'T GIVE ME THAT! I could have jumped in with him to fight, like I always do... it wasn't like Maria! Sonic didn't stop me, I had all the chance to- ...I- I could've-" Tails starts to break down
Shadow sits next to him, closer than he usually gets with people
S "I know how much he meant to you... to everybody... I'm in no place to tell you how you should deal with this... I'm sure I'm just in denial, but I believe that Sonic is alive *somewhere*, he's too stubborn, I don't care how futile it is... I know that I'm probably just chasing a dead end... but I know Sonic, we both do..."
T "...that's how I know he's gone, he would have shown up by now, boasting about how 'it'll take more than that to knock me down, egghead!' ...but he didn't, Eggman won... he took over, and nobody could stop him... we lost, Shadow... it's over."
shadow gets up
S "we'll get through this, I promise to you" Shadow skates off, Tails suddenly notices how similar Shadow is to Sonic
(end)
that's all I got so far, but I also wrote the scene where shadow actually does find sonic, adding on to that scene we see in the real game, I wanted to share that too (4 months into sonics death):
Sonic was fighting Shadow (phantom) for "being on Eggman's side!" had his arms up for a block, but Shadow never hit him, he looks and sees the real Shadow beating the living daylights out of the Shadow Phantom (I wanted to go all out and make this fight longer to make the phantoms seem more threatening), the real Shadow turns to sonic, standing there in the shadows of the destroyed city
Sh "hmph, finally ...I found you, faker" he has a smile on his face
S "Faker? *I'm* the fake?"
Sh "of course, you're not even good enough to stand up to MY fakes"
S "*Ha! I'll make you eat those words" sonic seems weirdly angry
Sh "you really want to fight now?-"
Sonic lands a hook to Shadow's face
Sh "what? what are you- (blocks another strike) We have 2 clear enemies, and you're fighting me?"
Sonic continues to attack
S "you think I'm not GOOD ENOUGH to stand up to the ultimate lifeform!?"
Shadow continues to block attacks
S "I'll show you just how worthless you are"
(the comic continues, but I don't have more)
this is the point where the phantoms start speaking, also, OF COURSE infinite would have tricked people with Phantom Sonics, why DIDNT they do that? I want to add that the Phantom Sonics would've acted alot more like he actually does in the real Forces: out of character and one dimensional because the people making sonic don't understand his character (lol), and the real sonic in this would act like he does in Frontiers and IDW
anyway, sorry for going on longer than i meant to lol
Tails was robbed in Forces. Which, I know. Understatement of the century and everyone’s talked about it. This is the same Tails who had beaten Chaos and gone toe to toe with Eggman by himself. And yeah, his cowardliness was so out of character.
But that’s not what I’m talking about here.
What I’m talking about is how they could’ve gone so hard into Tails watching Sonic die in front of him. And, more importantly, they could’ve done some amazing character parallels.
Because we have a character who watched their older siblings who was mainly associated with the color blue die in front of them. Shadow.
Imagine how much better Forces would be if we found a Tails who wanted to completely, utterly, annihilate Eggman. A Tails who has turned to anger just like Shadow did. Imagine that being the reason Tails had left. He wanted to kill Eggman and the others didn’t want to do so immediately.
Tails. The only person who can go toe to toe with Eggman intellectually. Imagine him deciding that maybe violence is the answer in this case. We’ve seen how he as a person is entirely capable of pretty extreme violence in Nine. Imagine that happening in Forced.
The parallels between Tails and Shadow are already there and I know people have mentioned it, but no where are they more prevalent than in Forces. They could’ve done so much with it.
Imagine a scene between Shadow and Tails where Shadow acknowledges how similar their situations are? Shadow comforting Tails? Ugh. They could’ve done so much!
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sybbi · 3 months ago
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Oh, good. The people who can't read a linked article on a post they reblog, much less open a separate tab and look into something themselves, are gonna tell us what is and isn't legit
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ninyard · 2 months ago
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i am a BIG supporter of create what you want for your own joy, so absolutely do what you would like to do for the trial!! no one should be pressuring you to do it a specific way unless that’s how you Want to do it.
but if you were asking about what we’d like… personally i would love to see the whole trial as much as possible (i really don’t want you to overwhelm yourself) especially for higgin’s and nicky’s parts!! i like when we see more than just Big Main Parts, especially bc you flesh it out so well <3 sometimes it’s even more hard hitting when it’s Not from the people we expect, you know?
also, thank you for making the socmed aus!! they make me giggle and kick my feet every time, and also wail in agony and clutch at my chest… you have the range <3
GOD i wrote a whole long ass response to this and i didn't realise until too late that my phone was going to die </3 and it died </3
But it was something along the lines of I'm really glad that the general consensus seems to be to do all five days of the trial, or however many days it ends up being, from start to finish. For me personally it'd feel unfinished if I skipped parts just to get to the ~interesting~ parts, and I think if I'm going to make something like this then I want to show it all.
It's not this deep, but I guess it's like... It's fucked up. People are making memes about a murder trial involving rape and other things that are just not funny at all. And skipping parts just to get to "GOD NEIL IS SO CHAOTIC ON THE STAND" or whatever feels,,, insensitive? Unjust?? I don't know
but people are also doing that shit in real life. About real people, real trials, with real victims and real perpetrators. Sensationalising trials just because it's a celebrity on the stand, or it's an "interesting" murder trial or whatever. People are making memes and jokes about them. And people are making their own minds up about the verdict because of it. I want to show people who think Aaron's guilty because of something the cop who arrested him said. I want to show people who think Andrew is an unreliable witness because of something Higgins says, somebody who thinks Aaron isn't guilty because a forensics team mentioned something about the crime scene that they don't think sounds right. I want to make this from the outsider view on the publics reaction to a trial, and specifically people who almost idolise Aaron, or Kevin, or Neil, or Andrew. People who don't see them as human, but as celebrities, as people who are supposed to be perfect. People who see a trial like this and think, "it's okay for me to make jokes about this, or to post about this, because they're just famous people. They're not like real people to me."
People are at home becoming twitter lawyers and making up their minds based on what they read or see online, and it almost separates the reality of the situation from the "characters" that people create out of defendants and victims. You see people hopping on bandwagons or hate trains or whatever when it comes to these kind of public trials. People making clips of something "funny" a lawyer or witness said for the sake of content. People making temporary celebrities out of the judge and jury and legal representation. For what? For likes?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to show the different sides of how people actually react to trials like this without becoming insensitive to the fact that trials like this,,, do actually happen. But by making a fan tweet a joke about murder, I'm making that, I'm thinking of the words that go into the tweet. So it's tough. And again I know it's not that deep, but that's kind of... most of the reason why I've been putting it off? Because it's hard. It's hard not to feel like it sensationalises those kinds of things. It's hard not to feel like "God, am I just making fun of this situation here?" while also being reminded that yeah, maybe, but people actually react like that.
So is it worth the tumblr post to make memes and tweets out of something that happens irl, and affects real people? Is it insensitive, or is it just fandom stuff that isn't perceived in an insensitive way at all, because it is just that, a fandom post?
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solarpunkani · 7 months ago
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Y'know someone's probably waxed poetic about this already but it's on my mind so I'm gonna do it again.
When it comes to encouraging people to learn about native plants and habitat and involving themselves and their yards in the wider ecosystem, you gotta meet them where they're at.
And maybe that means they won't go as far into it as you are or would like them to in your wildest dreams. But even small steps count towards the bigger picture and I think we need to appreciate that more.
An example from my own life is my mom and the current gardening project we're working on. We're planning out the garden beds in the front of the yard by the mailbox--my mom's previous plantings for the most part haven't worked out, so I'm taking a crack at it.
I'm a pollinator gardening enthusiast who cares more about attracting as many butterflies bees and hummingbirds as possible than keeping things 'neat' and 'tidy'. However, not only do we live in an HOA neighborhood (though not as intense as some other stories I've heard), but I know my mother--an interior designer who has a deeply vested care for making sure the exterior of the house looks as Nice as possible.
We're still getting a pollinator garden in the front though. How? I'm meeting her where she's at, I'm making some concessions, she's making some concessions, but ultimately we're making something that works for the both of us. She doesn't want the plants too tall and messy? We'll trim them back in fall and winter--the insects can use the backyard garden to nest in. She doesn't want things too wild and bushy and weedy? We'll add a nice mulch to the beds, keep things a bit spaced out until they grow in to their larger sizes. She doesn't know the latin names for the plants I'm asking for, let alone how to pronounce them to ask for them at a garden center? That's fine, I don't know the Latin names for most things anyways, let's just use common names.
Does she care that the garden will attract butterflies and hummingbirds? Not intrinsically--she sees it as more of a bonus, if anything. She just cares about what color everything will be and if it'll be easy to maintain. The fact that they're native plants barely registers as a plus side to her. And honestly? That is fine.
If I approached this problem with a hardheaded attitude on how I wanted it to be just as wild and free as my backyard garden? There wouldn't be any native plants in the front beds. It's not like I didn't teach my mom things, but I didn't lecture her like she was lesser just for not knowing or caring as much about native gardening as I do. And that, ultimately, made her more open to the idea than she would've been if I looked down on her like I've seen too many people do to others.
Not everyone is going to develop a deeply seated care about native plants and Latin names and I don't think it's reasonable to expect that. Meet people where they're at and you just might get a lot more done. Meet people where they're at and you just might find they'll get excited enough to learn more--but if they don't want to learn more, that is fine.
We can't expect everyone on the globe to suddenly become plant experts rattling off Latin names left and right and professionally ID'ing native and invasive plants. In the same way we wouldn't expect everyone to suddenly learn the ins and outs of learning code, or how to synthesize medicines, or how to properly build a house. And that is fine. Because we can lean on those who do know when these things come up.
I lost track of where this was going but. Y'know????
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metamelonisle · 2 days ago
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(keep in mind this post is not planned out and i am largely speaking from my thoughts)
i know people like to clown on white cishet men who explain that they're right-wing because they were told they were inherently evil or cruel or only capable of destruction or manipulation by everyone around them, and people mostly interpret that as "i learned white people did bad stuff in the past and this made me hate the WOKE left" when the truth is genuinely so much more harrowing.
being told you're inherently, irredeemably evil for reasons you didn't pick and can't change by the people around you that otherwise claim to champion "justice" and "humanity" for practically your entire life is genuinely traumatizing. being treated like an irredeemable boogeyman by people who don't even know you simply for how you were born is traumatizing. it doesn't matter if you have some sort of societal advantage or safety net. pain and trauma is subjective and shaped by perspective and experience, and i can guarantee that that this sort of experience hurts and it hurts bad.
like. i know there are lots of queer people who are former right-wingers, and i am willing to bet that a lot of them were right-wingers because until they realized they were queer, they were actively barred from even looking into queer spaces and demonized until they wanted nothing to do with it at all. and then they, like any normal person would do, simply joined up with people that accepted them. and then they changed, and those friends weren't so accepting anymore, and then suddenly the old community that scorned them for was accepting them with open arms.
and the reason why i know this pain so clearly is because. well. I'VE been dehumanized for things i can't control my entire life! I KNOW what that shit is like and it's horrific! I don't care if it's satisfying to give "them" "a taste of their own medicine", stop giving that pain to people! You're only making things worse!
i dont know how to say this but even if your dehumanization isn't systemically supported it can and will still traumatize people and fuck up their sense of self and there are people who absolutely will pounce on that opportunity that you have created and you will have no control over who those people are.
i dunno how to close this but i guess the message i want you, the audience, to take away from this is to stop generalizing people as evil just because of their body or blood. you don't know these people. you don't know their lives. their stories. you don't know their values, and you cannot make that judgement based on appearance alone.
i get that you're scared. i get that we're all scared. but i swear to god, you cannot fucking do this to anyone. from a humanist stance, it's unethical to prematurely judge someone as an enemy for something they cannot change about themselves, like their lineage or face. from a pragmatic stance, you are ensuring an enemy that could have otherwise become an ally. but by all means, leave that white boy alone.
i dunno if this is controversial but im gonna say this as a brown trans woman. i think now is absolutely 100% not the time (not like it ever WAS the time but ESPECIALLY not now) to be generalizing men (especially white cishet men) as inherently evil or right-wing and isolating all of them on principle. i cannot possibly further emphasize how vulnerable all of us are and i understand that when people are scared we will naturally want to shift into us vs. them to try and keep ourselves protected. but in so many ways that mentality only enforces a shallow illusion of safety and all it ultimately does is push out people who otherwise would have gladly stood by you because you were too afraid of them to treat them with respect
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cosettegf · 4 months ago
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i love the penumbra podcast and i love second citadel and i really enjoyed listening to the finale but i feel. weird about the way this show treats its female characters???
#as in... in a show that prides itself on defying gender boundaries and heteronormativity it still seems to frequently push its female and#genderfluid characters to the side? and ik it can't really be called bury your gays in a podcast where most of the characters are queer#(and i also do think it is important for a narrative to give character the endings that make sense rather than prioritising keeping alive#those who weren't meant to live past the end of the story so i'm not necessarily saying that it's sexist#or that caroline and quanyii should have lived for the mere fact of them being second citadel's only lesbian characters)#but it still does feel off somehow? i don't feel that it's easy to say that they were used as a vessel through which to keep the other#characters alive but i just ?????? i don't know if this is something that anyone else feels? i love tragedy in fiction but it just feels#as if this doesnt mean anything...i can see in part how their character arcs were complete but they deserved to have their happy ending and#rather than feeling the devastation of tragedy after having listened to this episode i only feel mild frustration that they weren't able to#live to see the world that they helped save? i think i will have to think of it as a once and future king thing where when olala rises so#too will caroline#i have had complicated feelings about this whole podcast for the last season or so but i can't tell if it is genuinely the podcast or if it#is just the fact that i dont need it as much as i used to and that my love for it hasnt lessened that instead my heart has just grown#bigger around it#so maybe im completely off base with this and that its just an extension of my weird feelings about almost all of season 5 in general but#hmm#also i did not care for caroline that much through the best part of this podcast so its not as though i am annoyed about her dying because#i loved her so much because honestly i didn't love her as much as i wanted to (or as much as i loved olala and quanyii and rilla)#and also!!! it was nice that they were able to be together and have closure!!!! i think it was well done in a general sense i just ???#i can't articulate it any clearer than this#second citadel#tpp#tpp spoilers#the penumbra podcast#the penumbra podcast spoilers
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apocalypticdemon · 3 months ago
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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
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woobifykamukura · 2 days ago
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hi. i dont care if you like v3 or not. i like v3 as a concept and i do agree it had interesting themes in it. i slander it a lot because i wish it was better. you took one post i made where i offhandedly mentioned v3 and took it in... pretty bad faith
The argument being made here is actually kind of crazy to me. "The first two games in this series were about this thing, so the third one has to be about that too, and because it isn't, it's bad." God forbid franchises try new things!
that's not the begining and end of my critique of v3, it is just simply that this post was a) about something else and b) a bit tongue in cheek. my analysis of institutional critique was true but me touching on v3 wasnt The Point
i actually wrote up a LONG post detailing (some of) my critiques on v3 and i actually plan to do a full beat for beat writeup with more coherent thoughts at some point and mmmaybe make a video essay?
https://www.tumblr.com/kindlyre/763251748052860928/im-glad-you-liked-it-and-yeah-i-had-that-same?source=share
here it is. i don't check that blog anymore so if you have a response please respond here. and please don't treat me like i'm stupid and take my words in bad faith
i am not particularly interested in having "a debate" about why v3 is or isnt a good game. you can like v3 if you want, i certainly do despite all my critiques. i'm not responsible for tumblr pushing this post onto you algorithmically and i honestly wish youd respect that i just. have critiques on the game and not have to class trial me while also acting like my argument is reductive because you only saw a fraction of it, and not feel like you have to "tear into" a guy making a post because an algorithm spat my post out.
my pet theory is that any danganronpa media worth its salt has to be a little bit about a corrupt bullshit orginization and how much it sucks. the first 2 games are literally about how the punitive justice system sucks fucking shit. first game shows this by every blackened having a Reason for kilking outside of "murder yaaayyy," yes even celestia, her desire for money is explained in depth from her free time events and how she grew up, everyone had a Reason. sakura's suicide was the result of societal punitive justice instead of institutional and how people who think their moral outrage is good bc its aimed at the "correct targets" will just end up hurting people. second game takes this even furthur and goes "in the first game, punitive justice was bad because all these people were victims of circumstance. can you keep those same morals when the people being subject to punitive justice ARE actual criminals of their own free will?" with the added part about the nwp explicitly being a rehabilitative justice program. kamukura's inclusion and honestly dr:0 as a whole since the whole catalyst was kamukura is just a little bit about how any kind of exceptionally smart child is propped up as Something Amazing and is basically forced to use that talent for the greater good despite any feelings the child themself may have about it or how stuck they feel or how traumatized or tortured they become in the search for and nurturing of that talent, and any child thats not that is constantly told theyre inferior to the former and Why Cant They Be Like That and are seen as lesser-than by everyone around them. ultra despair girls is also kind of about that with the warriors of hope and their backstories. dr3 and v3 fall short because they are not about that at all. dr3's future arc is a bit stronger than despair because it actually is about an institution that sucks and despair's feels too much like an interpersonal thing and All Junko's Fault when the whole point was junko just took advantage of unrest that was already there. v3 is about an Institution That Sucks however the institution is "what if you loved a murder game so much you made it real" which doesnt fucking happen. you can make approximations like comparisons to true crime, reality tv, and for a more specific example that squid game reality show. but they didnt even kill people on that. v3 is critiquing something that does not measurably exist and also it doesnt connect to even a single theme from the rest of the series. my other pet theory is that kodaka is scared of the number 3 and thats why the ones with 3 in them are like that
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bulldagger-bait · 2 months ago
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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