#but i dont think either of us knew enough about ourselves to really be authentic with each other
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dug too deep into my past and "accidentally" found my old bffs new tumblr
#shes doing okay i think#its so hard being friends with people when you are young#b/c you are so bad at being empathetic in real ways#like we were close and we got each other through some times#but i dont think either of us knew enough about ourselves to really be authentic with each other#i fumbled my way through my teens. half formed and scared to show it#and then we both went through some trauma in our early 20s#and for me at least. it made me withdraw from everything#miss her though#i will forever be grateful that two queer ace girls found each other in hs#so we felt less alone#even if it didnt prevent the pain that was to come. it meant something that we had each other at the time#happy 3 am
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a burnt / exploded badger primary + badger secondary model
Hi! Ive been looking at this amazing sorting concept for a while now, but every time i try to sort myself i get stuck. I think im either a burnt snake primary that models lion or a burnt lion primary that models snake, but im unsure about which one.Â
All right, letâs see what youâve got.
I was pretty involved in a student club and took up bartending duty, which i really liked because it was a place to have casual social interaction with people without going to the trouble of figuring out how to be friends (which i am Bad at since i can remember, ive like 3 friends and i try to talk to them monthly but more feels exhausting). But a side effect of being a bartender is that drunk people share their entire life story and trauma with you which i quite enjoy once in a while, its quite flattering if people trust you enough to talk to you about personal things and its interesting to learn more about how they work as a person.
So youâre telling me you have a Badger secondary, or at least a Badger secondary model. And three good friends who you check in with monthly doesnât sound like such a bad set up? If thatâs what you want/need, youâre good in my book. But thereâs definitely some kind of angst surrounding âmaking friendsâ which seems like an outside influence. Iâm keeping an eye on that as I read.
 But if it happens a lot when you sleep way less than you should it quickly becomes exhausting.Â
Okay. Lack of self-care. Particularly of the âoverworkedâ variety. That is something that Badger primaries usually really struggle with. You might want to take a look at Exploded Badger Primary, honestly.
I once had a breakdown over that i knew too many suffering people and that i couldnt help them all.
This is either the breakdown of a Badger primary, or a really really really Badger-flavored Lion. (and probably weâre still talking Badger).
I sometimes got angry at people who dumped all their trauma and fears on me but didn't once asked me about how I was feeling, or if they did and I answered with "bad" they quickly changed the subject.Â
Oh. Problems with boundaries. Thatâs one of the traits that Badger primaries and secondaries tend to share.Â
Not sure if that one is more about me having Bad Friends or me seeing friendship as a transactional thingÂ
This makes me think that your Badger secondary might be a model
I know seeing friendship as transactional is a Bad Immoral thing and I'm trying not to see it as such.
Itâs interesting that you frame this in such right/wrong, Lion-y language. But this idea âviewing friendships as being a means to an end is fundamentally immoralâ - thatâs much more of a Badger primary thing than a Lion primary thing.
but these friendships were imbalanced which did not feel fair to me.
If Lions value authenticity and Snakes value freedom, Badgers value fairness. (Iâm still trying to figure out that *one* thing Birds value.)
Another thing is that i never cared much for family. I was raised with a "friends are temporary, family is forever" mindset, which I did not quite vibe with. I hung out with my sisters all the time, but I'm not sure if that was out of choice or out of necessity, if other people just didnt Get me the same way they did or if I thought so and therefore didnt try to make other friends.Â
Youâve got a slightly insular, very Snake primary family culture - but you yourself donât seem to have a single Snake bone in your entire body.
It's probably me acting out against my parents way after puberty (where I did not act out, since I knew acting out was what the Wrong kind of people did and I was Better than that).Â
Hereâs that moralistic language again. This instinct âto not act outâ really does seem like itâs coming from you and not your parents. And I this idea of âthe wrong kind of peopleâ is really Badger. Badger primaries are so interested in community, which makes them especially likely to categorize like that.Â
after i moved out that I joined the student association, to show that friends did exist and being in large groups of non family people could be a good thing.
âAfter I moved out I joined a large community, to show my Snake primary family that this is a legitimate way to exist.â Badger.
In family gatherings, me and my sisters were always seen as "the kids" and people never treated us as full conversation partners. (Its getting better, but we've been Full Grown Adults for a while now and are all living by ourselves now, that should have happened way sooner). I never minded that much tho, I was fine by playing with my baby cousins and participating in the performative steps of small talk until visits were over.
Iâm thinking that this badger secondary is definitely an unhealthy model.Â
Then there are my thoughts about the question "what would you do if you realized everything you thought and believed was wrong". A while ago, there was a huge argument in my friend group from the student association and it fell apart. At the same time, a situation happened in my family which caused me to not exactly break completely with them, since I am trying to fix it out of a sense of obligation, but it almost happened.Â
Oh my, a stressed out Badger. This is a situation that would hit a Badger primary really, really, really hard.
This started me believing that a large group of people which are yours, or a goal/cause you chose for yourself, is wrong because people will let you down and abandon you.Â
This is so Burnt Badger.Â
people will abandon you if your actions are wrong enough, or try to force you to change your decisions if they disagree with them enough
Just a guess, but I think youâve been dealing with some Lion primaries. This is the kind of thing that a really intense Lion would do.
people will abandon you as soon as you are not longer useful to them, and dont want to play the desired role they expect you to anymore.Â
 Oh no. Weâve got some more Exploded Badger right here. âMy worth is my usefulnessâÂ
I only started to think about "who am I?" And "what do I want?" At university, where I made a few decisions (which I do not regret a bit) which made me sleep way less than I should which caused me to stop reflecting and thinking about myself, and then the Incident happened.Â
Thereâs an aspect of both the Badger primary and the Badger secondary which functions like a mirror. Itâs so powerful, but if youâre not careful you can lose yourself. It sounds like youâre on the right track though, it really does.Â
after which I spent all my time and energy trying to Fix it, and now that I realize that I can't I am so far away from who I am as a person that the easiest way to exist is to shape myself in whatever form is desired.Â
Thatâs the Badger secondary (or the badger secondary model) talking. Iâm a Badger secondary, and I modeled Badger primary for a long time. Iâve spent so much time trying to Fix It. But you canât. You canât fix other people. They have to fix themselves.Â
But I'm not sure if the code switching I do is who I am that has revealed itself by me having nothing left, or a coping mechanism I picked up to stop people from getting disappointed by me while figuring out who I really am.Â
That settles it. You definitely have a badger secondary model. And thereâs something else is under there.Â
#sortinghatchats#badger primary#badger secondary#double badger#badger secondary model#burnt badger primary#exploded badger primary#sort me#wisteria sorts
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