#but i dont know what the right bone is. so i am going to learn ♥

[ssspringroll]

learning about penis bones 👍

[miraclecherryblossomsblog]

I hope I'm not annoying you

Had another thought how would some autobots/decepticons react to their human darling just casually popping/cracking their joints

I can only imagine they're like

Darling: cracks joints

Auto/decept: concerned look

Darling: this is normal just some air bubbles stuck in my joints

Auto/decept: surprised pikachu face/ excuse me WHAT!?

Annoying me???? r u kidding AM LIVING for these ask u send op pls I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

Also LMAO YES they would be so freaked out about it cuz like for them hearing noises in their joints when they move means they either got rust which i feel like its an uncomfy pain for them or that they need oil like when ur door creeks

I remember i had a friend that would twist their headtoo high up to make it pop and legit i looked at them like this the first time they did it infront of me

that's them. that's ur cybertronian s/o being traumatized by our weird human quriks

TFO B 127: He would go from fear to amazement.

Like he was just chatting ur ear off like he always does, telling stuff that happen today in his missions or something that was like centuries ago (i headcanon he sometimes repeats stuff he's already told you cuz he kinda forgets sometimes but u dont tell him that most of the times cuz he just looks so happy 😭💕💕💕)

And you listened to everything he said, some of the stuff was hard to understand cuz u know...alien stuff BUT ANYWAY- ur back was starting to scream at you cuz u been sitting for a while now, twisting yourself to stretch, your bones letting a pleasingly loud POP!

I can imagen him letting a squeal and backing away like he just saw a rat or something 💀

and it got u asking whats up and he just points at u and ask what was that noise and u just basically tell him that human joints have air pockets and when moved or stretched they just pop, "its just a human thing, nothing unusual to us" you say shrugging to him as he slowly closes his distance to you "but doesn't like....hurt?? it sounds like it does...wait you're not in pain right now are you?!" he starts to ask in worry already thinking into carrying you to ratchet, quickly you shut his worries telling him again its just a human thing and it doesn't bring any sort of discomfort as it for us it rather helps us when we feel ache in our bodies

and feel like this would go on him asking more questions about how our bodies work, if u dont got any medical knowledge then you might just pull ur phone to answer him cuz i feel like he would ask the wildest shi fr 😭

all and all he becomes more and more fascinated by humanity the more he learns from you, specially if its from you.

[decafbat]

i really like how much depth your art has, do you think you could show how you break down bodies when sketching if that makes sense? it’s something i struggle with a lot in my art! ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡

ok apologies in advance, this is probably going to be a really long and tangential rant about art that may or may not actually help you in learning how to construct bodies. im just gonna put it under a cut to save everyone from seeing this huge text wall.

i dont think its gonna be possible for you to replicate my methods here, because theyre mostly just really specific shortcuts for finding certain proportions and reference points for anatomy, which i'm fairly versed in, but not as much as i'd like to be. the shortcuts you'll need will be different from mine. im glad you think my art has depth, that is something i am trying to seek very intentionally right now, and i dont think im even close to the depth of form i am actually aiming for. so like. this makes making a tutorial kind of inherently hard. nevertheless, i threw this quick sketch together after like 3 failed attempts. (i was doing those attempts digitally, ended up giving up on that and going back to traditional because its what im most comfortable with rn)

i didnt get all the steps i took to get here because scanning that much would be cumbersome but ill try to explain how i got here. i start with the head almost every time.

i use a lot of symbolic/graphic shapes when drawing heads and dont stick to using forms very often besides the circle at the center of the head, which i use as the base to form these graphic shapes around. think of it like "wrapping" the ball in various textures and masses. the eyes are usually "textured" onto the head, notice how the her left eye looks narrower then her right. of course i try to make sure her bangs sit along the curve of the sphere and her ears look like they sit on opposite sides of the head. its easy to forget that part, making the head look unsymmetrical. the particular masses of leica's head would be her snout, which is just a curve extended slightly outside the diameter of the ball, and her hair, which are two strange organic shapes that are quite hard to draw, two hair sprig anime antennae things (forgive me, i forgot the word for them,) and the back of the head, which i usually need to extend slightly. its a little too extended here, needs more on the top, i fix this in the final pass. this was a quick sketch, so i didnt focus too hard on the forms of the head beyond the most essential ones for her design, but i sometimes highlight the form of cheeks with curved hatching, or try to make the eyes appear more sunken-in as they are on human faces. i dont know how to proportion the neck and torso correctly until i draw the head, so i always do it first. next, i did the torso.

so heres why i said that you probably wont be able to replicate this approach. you do kind of just have to practice anatomy, i cant just make it make sense because im not very good at explaining this stuff, but ill try to go through what i did here. so, i generally use simplified bone shapes to find proportions and reference points, as well as more complicated shapes like those of elbows and knees. i try to study fairly often because im not satisfied with here im at with this stuff yet. of course, i dont think i'll ever be. so i'll usually start with the ribcage, add a shoulderblade out the back to find the shoulder, the armbones come out of that, the bone in the upper arm connects to the ulna with a sort of three-pronged attachment, one big knurl in the middle, which forms the thrust of the elbow, two little ones on the side. i think those are part of the ulna but i dont remember. see, you dont really have to know what exactly they do as long as you know what they look like. the ulna does some goofy rotation shit i dont understand, connects to the wrist, and then we have a hand, which, i mean, im not good enough at hands to even be telling you how to do it, but i just have a big squarish mass and some little hotdog fingers coming out of that. you can see on her left hand that ill have a big circle forming the the area on the hand where the thumb attaches... theres more depth to the hands, i think you can easily find better tutorials then i could offer. anyway, under the ribcage theres the pelvis, represented with a box. ill get into that when i talk about the legs. i wanna briefly talk about the way i add the flesh and fat to the bones.

so, i really can't give a comprehensive crash course on anatomy, but i can point you towards the morpho series, which is where i get most of this stuff from. you can get very far with the volumes Simplified Forms, Fat and Skin, and Skeleton and Bone Reference Points. moving on, i just kind of have a feel for where the masses attach by now. the important thing to remember when drawing fat characters like this is that the fat should "hang" from the bones and flesh, drooping down slightly. leicas fat hangs substantially, so she's not very wide despite her weight. this is important to her character design i feel. i almost always draw characters naked first when doing serious drawings because it will come in handy knowing where the forms of the body are when i add the clothing. by focusing on the way her body looks naked, i can modify the impression of those forms when adding clothes, and when i add them later on in this drawing, leica will take on the distinctive boxy look i try to draw her with.

if you look at the arm, youll see that the place the line of bone sits is very high compared to the whole mass of the arm, the flesh and fat of the arm "hang" from the bone, and then the upper arm squishes against the bent forearm too. even if the anatomy in the arm is indistinct, it can still look convincing when the forms act realistically against one another. the elbow has much less fat connected to it, so its more bony then the rest. this isnt actually consistent on all people so like, think about that kind of thing when designing characters, like i was talking about before, fat can sit in infinite different ways. maybe if i was doing a more objective anatomy lesson i'd draw cath, because i do have a sort of vague understanding of muscle placement that doesnt come through here, but probably would if i was drawing a scrawnier character. let me know if you want that.

a word on the breasts too: they hang a bit lower then you'd expect, keep that in mind. the attachment point is also angled, as the line shows. the line starts roughly in the middle of the torso and ends around the armpit, but the form of the breast can go underneath the armpit or even connect around the fold of fat in the back. many things to think about. i love boob shapes. ok lets finally get on with it and talk about the legs.

so, the really specific shape of the pelvis doesnt matter that much unless youre drawing a really thin character, so its just a box here. out from the sides of the pelvis, extending out more then you'd expect, is the femur, which ends in a similar joint to the arm. this shape helps me figure out the form of the knee. two masses on each side with a bunch of complex and weirdly shaped bones forming the kneecap, which i have omitted because i dont yet know shit enough to include them. i am learning though. so, obviously the feet are just scribbles here because im just gonna put her feet in socks anyway. you really dont have to do more then you have to. a few tips i can offer here, the butt should hang a bit too when drawing fat characters, i think the butt is supposed to start just below the pelvis if i remember, but take that with a grain of salt. i also didnt really do that here but its hard to tell because she's facing mostly forward. again, i dont think i can really communicate what's going on here. morpho has a lot of great drawings explaining the shapes and muscles of the legs, all things i might focus on more when drawing a scrawnier character. for this case, i regrettably don't go too hard on the legs. also i should note that legs would usually be much longer, leica is really short so ive exaggerated the proportions to communicate that. i may change my mind on that front in the future and give her more grounded proportions. the important thing to remember with legs is just getting a nice hierarchy of forms going. bigger thigh going into smaller calf going into smaller foot. it mostly comes automatically now.

i added the clothing, shaped up her head a bit, added a bit of fur. i put her in her classic outfit, just a sweater and jeans. i enjoy the big thick folds that come out of these clothes, and big areas of white space too. its nice. i try my best to form all the folds around the forms of the body i drew earlier. thats one case where i really really have no idea what im doing and could never explain it in words. its just some fun intuitive play with loops and lines. this is at around the stage for a sketch where i'd do inks, or if it was going to be a finished pencil drawing i'd erase out parts piece by piece and replace them with nicer and more defined lines and tones.

i guess that's all i can offer , i hope that halped.

[aaaangel444]

hey girl. how did you heal from your last relationship? your posts during that time were inspiring cause of how open you were. my ex boyfriend and i broke up 4 months ago, and there's great days and bad days. im hurt at the loss of the future i thought we had together. and i can't get over the fact that he moved on so effortlessly. like it actually makes me want to rip my head off and cry and cry. i always tell myself time heals all wounds - which is true, but also fml every guy i meet is not on the same level as this previous man. we broke up because of distance and him giving up but besides that.. when we were together.. he was perfect (until he wasn't). it's also so hard meeting guys in van i've even been on raya and its still hard. men are so hard to come by and tell me why i've been so attached to my rebound fling (who isn't good for me) just to like force myself to move on lol

GIRLLLLLL. Thank you for saying that because I used this platform/tiktok a lot during the time to try to process everything which felt insane but so nice to hear you resonated with that. Healing from my last relationship was truly the hardest thing ive ever had to do.. We had a great relationship (or so IIIII thought) so finding out he had cheated on me and did a bunch of other insane shit felt like I was the most naive person thats ever lived... I still dont trust myself or my intuition as much as I used to. I will never be the same, but I think that might be the best part of it all. The GROWTH i experienced could have never happened without all the hurt. It felt like he just died all of the sudden, it was bizarre. He also moved on in two months and I didnt for almost a year. Have grace for yourself, i know its hard, but you have to. Sometimes it takes so much longer than expected. Let yourself feel, cry, scream, be angry, journal, lean on your friends, be HONEST with yourself and where you are at. I kept sooooo busy. I went on so many first dates just to see what was out there and what I liked and didnt like. I did so many things alone, concerts, beach days, walks, coffee dates. I was NEVER home. I learned who i was. The whole "love comes when you least expect it" thing is so annoying to hear but honestly... I met my now boyfriend and didnt think it would go anywhere, but he quickly became my best friend and then all the sudden I realized I was in love with him. and that is terrifying and scary and a lot after everything. But to love is to risk, and its brave to stay loving after having your heart shattered. I am proud of myself for not turning into the person who hurt me. Pay attention to how people make you feel, what youre like around them. It was like I was the shiniest most radiant version of myself with my current boyfriend. you'll FEEEEEEL it in your bones when its right. it might not be a forever thing but its an experience i would have never gotten if it wasnt for all of that complete shit. You will gain so much more than you ever lost my love.

[starlikesolitude]

back - percabeth minific (post TLO) - word count: 1,280 - a little angst, nsfw under the cut

Annabeth sat waiting for Percy to arrive. Although she trusted him to go on a quest alone, she was beginning to regret her agreement. How stupid of him to do this all by himself? He was obviously not fit to do so. I mean he's strong, but honestly, he could use some intellectual assistance at times. Why did he go through with this? Hades, he could.. That sunk in quicker than Annabeth expected. Die.

Her heart sunk to her stomach. Percy could quite literally die. She didn't know what she would do if he died. In her sorrowed act of looking upwards, expecting to be met with melancholic faces of other awaiting campers, she saw Percy's, worry streaked with dirt. She immediately stood up and ran to him with her arms wide open. Annabeth squeezed him, albeit shocking Percy, he squeezed her back. "I thought you weren't gonna come back!!" she scolded him, and when Percy thought he was gonna get an "I missed you" or "I'm so glad you're okay," he realized he really should've thought better as she pulled away with furrowed brows.

"How could you think this was okay to do??!! Go out all by yourself to appease Hades??? god of death!!?? Dont be so stupid next time you choose who comes with you on a damn quest!!!" she once again scolded him. "I know, I know," He smiled, leaning forward to hold her to remind her he in fact didn't get his skin ripped off in the process of getting attacked by Furies. She almost pushed him away at her anger, but decided against it, letting him engulf her. See, Percy had learned that Annabeth only got upset when she was worried about something, and to only calm her nerves if she ever sounded like she hated him. "I'm so glad you're back, Percy." she eventually whispered to his chest, maybe his heart if she could reach it. "I am too."

Led to the Posiden cabin by Annabeth, Percy was walked into it's front door from the inside, pushing it shut. She held the sides of his head, kissing him sweetly. Don't take it so surprised when I tell you that Percy had misunderstood this loving gensture. Or rather, his body that had misunderstood. Annabeth didn't realize she'd begun holding her breath until he had starting talking. "God, I'm sorry I, I didn't mean for that.. that to be uhm.." "I don't..mind. If you don't," she muttered. They both stared at each other for a while. Percy's breath had quickened, and Annabeth didn't even think she could breathe. They had never done anything sexual aside from making out occasionally. This was sort of horrifying in a way.

Annabeth placed a finger on his lip and looked up, begging him to say yes. He nodded his head and she leaned forward to kiss him. It was rougher this time, and he leaned forward in such a way that they both trampled eachother a bit to get the the bed, like if they were at a ball and both really bad at dancing. Once they landed at the head of the mattress, Annabeth ended up on top of Percy, holding the sides of his arms as he held the sides of her head. He yearned so much for her, more than he had since she first kissed him. He had tried to feel her, to hold her when she cried, to have his hand in hers, to twist her braids in his fingers as she layed on top of him, and that was close enough. But now, he couldn't be close enough. He felt like every part of him needing her closer, and he didnt know what it was. He looked desprate, like a puppy, and was too desprate for her to care. It was in his chest, making every bone shake in need for her.

He bucked his hips up. "Yeah?" Annabeth said. Not asked. Said. There was something about it that he knew she didnt need to question. He thought maybe he should have wanted to back out, tell her it wasn't the right time, that he needed space to think about it. But he didn't.

With his permission, their clothes came off. Slow, it started with his shirt, then his belt, then his jeans, then his boxers. He regretted not earlier realizing that Annabeth had done the same with her clothes.

Their modesty now discarded somewhere unimportant to them, Percy felt ready for whatever she would do. "Is this okay?" She sweetly inquired, making Percy's breath go sharp. He nodded quickly, his jaw slacking a bit. A condom had already been rolled onto him. She tilted her hips towards his, and he hastily gripped them, although lightly as to not stop her. She dropped onto him lightly and Percy was just about ready to praise every god he did and did not believe in. "Oh my gods, beth." he breathily muttered. Annabeth taunted sweet again. "Yeah, perce?" "Yeah." His heart was beating so fast he could feel his veins. Annabeth tilted lower slightly and grinded him into her, bouncing slightly. "Where'd you.. learn all this from?" His voice shook, telling of how shocked he was. "Percy, I've read books before." she said matter-of-factly, somehow calm and collected and not freaking the fuck out about this. However, her breath did quicken when she sped up, tired almost from the work. Percy found it difficult to verbalize his concern due to their situation, but asked anyway. "Are you sure that... fuck... that.. you're okay, with this..?" It was almost a whipser because of how hard he was breathing. "Yeah, of course, honey."

Annabeth then pressed the first button she could think of. Praise. For a long time, especially in academics, or when Percy was learning something new, he would fluster himself with often praise of Annabeth. She never thought it to really be anything, until she saw him then, laying out just for her on the large blue bed, she considered that maybe, he was this. Not entirely, he almost never exhibited this kind of desire, but to think that parts of his life—their life—were tainted with it. His hips jerked, anonymous to his intentions, As if his thoughts had been heard, it flew out of her mouth too fast.

"You're so good Perce, so fucking good.." A reactive moan bubbled up inside his throat, and into his mouth, surprising Annabeth but motivating her anyhow. "So good, Percy, such a good boy for me," she praised, not stuttering once, "Youre so pretty like this, oh fuck, yes.." Her pace sped and she impulsively tugged his hair, not realizing that she may have been crossing a line. She almost got the chance to apologize, but Percy almost immediately came. And he came hard. He sang a long string of whimpers to her, even if he may have not realized it. To anyone else it may have sounded like he was crying, of maybe hit his leg on something. Or was being held hostage. (I dont think either of them cared.)

His hips rose high, grinding into Annabeth as she came with him, with a soft but low and forced sound. She held onto his shoulders tightly, but even after she'd come down a bit, yet not quite entirely, Percy was still trying desperately to hold on to reality. "Are you okay baby?" She inquired sweetly. He nodded his head with a soft "Mhm.."

And for a while, just a while, after Percy had reached over to throw away the protection, after he pulled up a blanket, after he took a sip of water, they fell asleep for the first time in days. They were peaceful. Together.

[shadow-coolness]

People theorizing that Sam is Wooly have failed to take into account one thing: Dad Jokes.

Amanda: Hey there, today we’re gonna go to the Zoo and learn about different types of animals.

Wooly: Thats right Amanda, you guys dont wanna “Moose” this.

Amanda: HaHa! That was uh….very Funny Wooly….anyway the first animal is a Flying squirrel which have special membranes that allow them to glide through the air.

Wooly: Wow thats pretty “Nuts!”

Amanda:….Yes that is *inhale* nuts. Now the next animal is a Tiger, did you know that the reason they have stripes is to camouflage themselves?

Wooly: Really? Are you Fe-lying to me?

Amanda: *Takes a deep breath then through gritted teeth* No, i am not LYING to you, thats a tried and true tiger tidbit, now the next animal is a Flamingo.

Wooly: Oh! Did you know that baby flamingos are born with grey feathers that turn pink because of their diet?

Amanda: Well i do now! And so does our friend.

Wooly: Alright lets flamin-Go to the next animal!

Amanda: *with a twitching eye* Hooo boy the NEXT Animal is the Orangutan who are said to be five to seven times stronger then a human.

Wooly: No way! Thats Bananas!

Amanda: *About ready to lose it* Ok…Ok…oK, the LAST. ANIMAL!……Is the Snapping Turtle which can bite hard enough to break BONES and CRUSH metal!

Wooly: Wow, thats…frighting.

Amanda: Yes, Yes it is.

Wooly: Guess that means they’ll give anyone who messes with them “Shell”.

Amanda: *Has a blank stare on her face*

Wooly: Uhh Amanda….You ok?

Amanda: *begins to breathe heavily getting angrier by the second before* AAAAHHHHHHH-*the tv goes to static*

Riley:…..What the Fuck?

[mcfallen-god]

Tagged by @zaegreus thanks bestie ✨💜

Do you make your bed?

I often make the bed when I leave for a couple of days, or for a night over, so when I come back home I feel comfy and all hehe.

What’s your favourite number?

Yub, 3

But why? Eh.. The shape? The 'color'? The vibe? Occurrences in my life liked to the three? Idk, just 3 and all the 3 related numbers (33, 333 etc)

What is your job?

Student is not a job, because I am the one losing money, but yeah

If you could go back to school would you?

Probably, I'd like pre-school/middle-school, when I could learn new but easy things lol and I loved the smell and things at my school back then. I'd like to go back in whatever you call that period between 15-18 yo school time, but not for all aspect, let's say I was in a school specialized in art and it was a lot of fun to have a class like that. And for some reason too (but definitely NOT ALL ASPECTS) I'd like to be back to study literature, a part of it...

Can you parallel park?

Yub kinda but I don't like it, and I think it is easier to park on the left part of the road than the right (note: my country drives with wheel on left and road on right)

A job you had that would surprise people?

I didn't had any real job, but maybe the fact I study English literature... Because when I was a kid, until hmm 13/14? I had a deep hatred for English language xD don't ask me why, it is just a fact... This, and me studying literature to begin with, when I barely ever read.. (note: I love to read, but due to other reasons I have a very, very hard time to read even things I really really wanna read :( sed)

Do you think aliens are real?

Sure, but not in the sci-fi kind of way. I think it is absurd to think Earth is the only planet in the infinity of space that met the right conditions for life to develop. But I doubt these forms looks like... humanoid-green/grey skin beings or that they look anything as we know on Earth. I don't even know if there's any 'developed' (in human's terms) form of life, but definitely things that feed and live. (Once again, I doubt they come on Earth with super technology and such... if they do, I really hope they see their mistakes before making first contact and go far far away, before getting involved with the toxic humanity...)

Can you drive a manual car?

Lol of course I can (this question sounds very American oriented question(?) but in my country, manual car is base, we have many non-manuel, but majority is manual) but yeah, I can drive it

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Uh... I don't really know... Some shows? Some I don't even 'like' but more because it reminds me of my youth? (Glee, Ugly Betty, Bones, etc) Idk if it is count as guilty pleasure... If anything else... uh I have unspeakable kinks (only in fictional/role play dimensions, nothing sicko irl), collecting PopMarts figurines? Fried chicken with spicy sauce?? Chocolate biscuit with chips??? I DONT KNOW

Tattoos?

Not yet, I wish to have some one day, but first I need to find *the one* I have many artists/kind of tattoos I like, but eh

Favourite colour?

Green and Purple (mostly all the hues) but also: pale mint, pale yellow, pale peach, pale pink, pale bleu, pale lavender, black, white and orange...)

Favourite type of music?

I literally can enjoy anything, from rock, pop, electronic, classical, ethnic/traditional, etc... I have some issues sometimes with some form of Jazz or RnB, but I still enjoy songs from these genres, so I can't say I hate it... I would say rock is always a go-to?

Do you like puzzles?

Most of the time yeah, if it is like puzzle board game 🧩 or puzzle video games 🎮 or riddle games ❓I love it all (Im not saying I am good at it, I say I like it)

Any phobias?

Won't say it is phobia? But I feel grossed at any .. milling bugs? Like colonies of ants or when baby spiders get out of mother spider 🤢 This and I'd say it is more anxiety, but I have a hard time being in crowded place/windowless places (a bit agoraphobic/ claustrophobic but since I can manage to deal with these situations sometimes, I won't call it phobia)

Favourite childhood sport?

Maybe archery🏹 ? Or hmm basketball 🏀 and badminton🏸 ... And I kinda like to play football ⚽ but the toxicity around that sport is making it annoying and boring

Do you talk to yourself?

Rarely out loud, but pretty often in my own head. I feel dumb when I hear my own voice/sometimes it is even stressful because I grow aware of silence around me after I spoke....

What movie(s) do you adore?

Hmm tough question... Many for many different reasons.. But let's say: Legally Blonde (the vibe and the topic, go girls, can be barbie and have a brain), Princess Mononoke (base), FFVII: Advent Children (thirst), Nanny McPhee (chiiill), Crazy Kung Fu (top tier), Ne Zha (2019) (bery nice), ... That's it for TODAY's pick, what about tomorrow..?

Coffee or tea?

Both but ✨☕C O F F E E☕✨(even if Earl Grey Yin Zhen is honestly DOPE)

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

🤔 Idk which come first, but I remember I had the mad project to do "all my dream jobs at once", so I'd have been: a painter, going around the world with a circus where I'd be acrobat and magician, and yet, using the world-travelling to heal any animals I find on my way 😂🤣

A forever go-to @davi-doo

I tag... *go through mutuals*

@beardedladyqueen @kales09 @chinchilla-7 @astraluxe @general-kalani @alladeline @chromium-siren

PLEASE LEMME KNOW IF I AM PESTERING YOU! I WILL STOP!

[decaydanceredacted]

BASEMENT BILVY.. I FEEL SICK. how ive never thought of basement bilvy before is genuinely shocking. i have. so many thoughts on this. he would be so pretty in chains. im crazy. i have too many things to say on this topic. im going to restrain myself. be glad. petes been alone down in the basement for who-knows-how-long now, save for the daily visits from gabe and the less regular visits from gabe + travie, when gabe starts talking about maybe getting pete a friend to play with. it's not right keeping a boy all on his own, the isolation isn't good for them! and hes got to be a responsible owner, after all, he's not a monster. pete, well trained as he is, never really responds to these comments, as hes not allowed to speak, but the idea scares him a little. maybe even more than it excites him. he doesn't want to share the attention he gets, but being all on his own whenever gabe has to go to work is always so scary. poor baby :( so he thinks maybe it wouldn't be so bad. theres still a part of his mind that doesnt want this happening to anyone else, but it's the part of his mind that tells him to fight back and run, so he knows not to listen to it anymore. gabes at a show one night, some random grimy venue, when he sees an angel in the crowd. this beautiful, tall, pale thing, and he knows he has to have him. as soon as he learns the name he ignores it to call him bilvy. william is too boyish and bill is too short. bilvy rolls off his tounge better. it makes the boy giggle. his hair is short, but every time gabe blinks he imagines him with long, wavy hair, curled in on himself in fearhatredlove next to pete, and he gets a little light headed. he hopes his hair grows fast. bill's easier to get drunk and alone than pete was, a proper lightweight, no fat on his bones. the bustle of the crowd makes it easy to slip something into bilvys drink, and makes it even easier to leave with him unnoticed. before bill knows what's going on, hes waking up on the cold concrete of gabes basement. he's getting nudged by someones boot, and has to sit up to avoid the pressure. the first thing he notices when his eyes adjust is the man standing above him, (the man from the show last night? he can't recall a name, though) staring down at him with an emotion he cant figure out. he's still groggy from whatever knocked him out, but the cold air hitting his body makes him realise that he's stark naked, and it wakes him up quicker than he ever has. he looks away, searching the room for an escape, maybe, but is immediately distracted by the sight of another person. he's in a similar state, naked and kneeling near the feet of the man, staring down at the ground. bill forces himself not to think about how long he must've been down here to be acting that way. he fights through his pounding headache and sore throat to ask where he is, why is he here, 'where am i? where am i? who are you?' he attempts to get on his feet, get away from the man towering above him, but kicks to his shins send him tumbling back to the ground. the tall man whistles, and the boy at his feet jumps on bilvy, pinning him to the ground. bills attempts at throwing him off are fruitless, and eventually he stops struggling and just starts screaming and sobbing. (it hurts petes head, but he knows better than to let go of the boy to cover his ears.) the tall man crouches beside them, grinning at tears. he knew bilvy would be a pretty crier. gabes feeling generous, so he decides to let the boy cry for as long as he needs. he can wait to start training until after bills tired himself out too much to fight back. he's so excited to have two pets to play with. i mean whatever im normal and dont want to see those boys tied up together on the floor. i dont even care about basement!au actually im cool and fine. - sweat anon.

.

[boonesfarmsangria]

"X-Ray" - yes. good

"All in Your Rows" - skip

"Latchmere" - music is good, lyrics are dumb but the interview where orlando was like a wavepool was a big deal. Idk what kinda place you lived where its not. 👌

"About Your Dress" - this is better live than on record. could take or leave

"Precious Time" - love it. so great. with very good lyrics. glimpse of what theyd become

"O.A.V.I.P." - no. not now anyway

"Tissue Shoulders" - nah

"Happy Faces" - no

"First Love" - this song is cute but maybs also annoying

"Mary" - what

"Lego" - sad

"Toothpaste Kisses" - absolutely not

"Love You Better" - great. the cadence, starting w better and being big out the gate. so great. orlando has gotten the voice now and god bless

"One Hand Holding" - ok. lil too zydeco school cheerleader come on eileen

"Can You Give It?" - love it. his voice on this is ahhhhhh

"Young Lions" - this is a good maccabees song. like all the talents working together perfectly

"Wall of Arms" - yes please. so good live

"No Kind Words/Bag of Bones Part A" - this is a good turn and like the dark(er)ness

"Dinosaurs" - amazing

"Kiss and Resolve" - nah. sweetheart could never be said again and thatd be too much knowing it had been said before

"William Powers" - good

"Seventeen Hands" - fine

"Bag of Bones Part B" - love it

look tbf i have no idea whats being said in a fair few of these like i just read the last line of seventeen hands and what the hell ?

"Given to the Wild (Intro)" - good way to open

"Child" - beautiful

"Feel to Follow" - good. like the casually here remix and vocals better and have now realized that song was the first time i am aware of hearing orlandos voice*. and have since learned those were special re-recorded vocals. this version feels almost draggy *this is absolutely false. i already was in love with a quickening when i first heard this remix

"Ayla" - music on this with the lyrics is choice

"Glimmer" - maybs top 3 of theirs for me. so pretty

"Forever I've Known" - or this. also so pretty. have had this stuck in my head for a couple days & the parts when the music comes in heavy, amazing. and his voice

"Heave" - Good but also kinda annoying and repetitive

"Pelican" - sure. fun and good live. like the lyrics

"Went Away" - this has such big 90s feel to it. its good but also dorky but i love the shouty ending and also sad

"Go" - love it. pretty. very pretty

Unknow (featuring Catherine Pockson)" - i love this one too. vocals are super intense and love the sentiment. think i saw somewhere it was an attempt at a dance or electronic song but its very late 80s early 90s synth sounding to me

"Slowly One" - too precious. i dont like this. and the music is weird with these lyrics. idk what the plan is here

*Grew Up at Midnight" - this is teenagery af but its very pretty and nails the emotion perfectly. its manipulative. could be in a movie

i think this might be their best album. and touches on more relationship types and circumstances. there is also the preoccupation with time which is interesting to me. like time having passed..time has passed by. things are past now

Marks to Prove It - love it. orlando is a sting like lyricist but he does it better. he has a more people centered way of looking at things. hes making characters. anyway yes love this one and the yelling at the beginning is apt

Kamakura"- yeah of course. cadence on this👌 your best friends forgive you your best friends forget you get old. this is one of those lines that can be interpreted two ways and both work and which is it

"Ribbon Road" - this like toothpaste kisses and another one i cant think of right now are so super weird in the full picture of their work. like what is this song? its so idk americana-ish, westerny idk. and kinda 50s-ish. its just strange. not, not good, but out of place

"Spit It Out" - big fan

"Silence" - :/ no. this is sad and some of the lyrics are cutting but as a song i just cant. knowing this was it (final album) i get it, but still

"River Song" - i think this song is great. and the big swelling end is how this song should go. this as a singalong would be fun so long as you had a decent amount of booze and disregard in your system. but this song is also a lil crazy right?

Slow Sun" - mixed on this. sometimes i like it and sometimes im just like shutup

Something Like Happiness" - gold

"WW1 Portraits" - is this their best song? the of course they do part. died. someone on genius said if someone wrote this about me i wouldnt know how to behave and that is too right

"Pioneering Systems" - this is a weird song

Dawn Chorus" - this and a couple others in this are getting very leonard cohen-ish or maybe lou reedish and im not feeling that.

impo you can do sad lyrics with upbeat music or happy lyrics with dark/sad sounding music but never happy & upbeat (cloying, saccharine) or dark & sad together (gimme a break). its just too Too. there exists songs that prove exceptions to the rule, of course there are. but they are rare and have to be very good.

Musically these guys are all over the place which maybe is why both people loved them and why people didnt love them. they are very broad. its like when an artist just does everything and its all good or interesting but no one cares and then theres an artist that paints the same shit over and over but its their developed style and people lap it up and they get famous. Im just making the point. But what is true of music that gets really really stratosphere popular is that it is samey. Theres enough deviation (sometimes) to keep it interesting but its mostly the same for that band/group/artist to have a hook and a cozy familiarity, a thing they do that is theirs. Maccabees have a few different handfulls of songs that really go together. you might really like what 4 songs do but not what any of the others do...and you might not ever get a fifth of that type of song...that make sense? and maybe thats why live i kept seeing a similar setlist over and over no matter which year. and maybe there wasnt a strong enough personality in the group to drive & hone the creative flow. a natural one, not an oppressive one. idk & it doesnt matter & i probably wont find out. what i do need tho is orlando to stop being so sweet (as a solo artist) because the quality of his voice conveys other emotions so beautifully. (ill win your heart with a woop a woo vs im a child to your voice) or stay away from bullion ffs

[soupdeewoop]

favorite lines from "THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT"

your wife waters flowers, i want to kill her

All my mornings are monday stuck in an endless february

but you're in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down the road

we're modern idiots

You smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate

i scratch your head, you fall asleep, like a tattooed golden retriever

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me, but you told lucy you'd kill yourself if I ever leave

'cause it fit too right, puzzle pieces in the dead of night, I shouldve known it was a matter of time

'cause i knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch, he saw forever so he smashed it up

did you really beam me up?, in a cloud of sparkling dust, just to do experiments on, tell me I was the chosen one, showed me that this world is bigger than us, then sent me back where I came from

now im down bad crying at the gym, everything comes out teenage petulance, "fuck it if I cant have him", "I might just die, it would make no difference"

how dare you think its romantic, leaving me safe and stranded

my spine split from carrying us up to the hill, wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill

thinking how much sad did you think I had, did you think I had in me? oh the tragedy

i stopped cpr, after all its no use

two graves, one gun, ill find someone

you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? i died on the alter waiting for the proof

i just learned these people try and save you 'cause they hate you

id rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' and moanin', ill tell you something 'bout my good name, its mine along with all the disgrace, I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empire's clothing

there's a lot of people in town that I bestow upon my fakest smiles

my friends tried, but i wouldn't hear it, watched me daily disappearing, for just one glimse of his smile

another summer, taking cover, rolling thunder, he doesnt understand me, splintered back in winter, silent dinners, bitter, he was with her in dreams

little did you know you home's really only a town youre just a guest in

florida, is one hell of a drug, florida, can I use you up?

little did you know your home's really only the town youll get arrested, so pack your life away just to wait out the shitstorm back in texas

i need to forget, so take me to florida, ive got some regrets, ill bury them in florida, tell me I'm despicable, say its unforgivable, at least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up, florida

go on, fuck me up

this cage was once just fine, am i allowed to cry?

what if hes written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

these fatal fantasie given way to laboured breath taking all of me, weve already done in my head

what if the way you hold me is actually whats holy?

they dont know how youve haunted me so stunningly, i choose you and me, religiously

if you wanted me dead you shouldve just said

crash the party like a record crash as i scream, "whos afraid of little old me?", you should be

i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me, you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

you caged me and then you called me crazy, i am what i am 'cause you trained me, so whos afraid of me?

they shake their heads saying, "god, help her" when i tell 'em hes my man

ill show you heaven if youll be an angel, all mine

whoa, maybe i cant

i thought i was better safe than starry-eyed

if you know it in one glimpse, its legendary, you and i go from one kiss to getting married

you shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles, i wish i could unrecall, how we almost had it all

youre the loss of my life

the lights refract sequin stars off her silhouette every night, i can show you lies

'cause im a real tough kid, i can handle my shit, they said "babe, you gotta fake it till you make it" and i did

lights, camera, bitch, smile, even when you wanna die

im so depressed, i act like its my birthday everday

'cause im miserable (haha), and nobody even knows, try and come for my job

and i dont even want you back, i just want to know, if rusting my sparking summer was the goal

you didnt measure up in any measure of a man

in fifty years will all this be declassifed?, and ill say, "good riddance"

i wouldve died for youre sins, instead i just died inside

so when i touch down, call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team

'cause the sign on your heart said its still reserved for me, honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

he jokes that "its heroin, but this time with an E"

you look like clara bow

this town is fake but youre the real thing, breath of fresh ait through smoke rings

the crowd goes wild at her fingertip, half moon shine, a full eclipse

youre the new god were worshipping, promise to be dazzling

beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours demanding more

you look like taylor swift, in this light, were loving it, youve got edge, she never did, the futures bright, dazzling

[newvillainontheblock]

[OFF-SCREEN POST] //CHECK TAGS!

Late night in Castelia City, moon shining high in the sky above the dark factory that Zee was ready to walk into. Into...whatever Team Suit had planned.

This was the address huh? It looked pretty abandoned, arc how many tropes was this fulfilling now?

"You're the new Joker right?"

SHIT-

Zee quickly jerked as someone with a mask with 2 diamonds on it spoke behind her. It took everything in it's being to not hit them, and that was hard already.

"I'll take you to the Queens and Kings now." The stranger stepped forward and opened up the door for them as Zee followed inside.

Mostly empty except for the amount of people, a wide amount of space with a table at the very center of it all. A few people already sat down, with one chair open.

"That for me?"

"Yes, take a seat."

So there's eight people....king of spades....king of clubs...hearts...diamonds...and their queens...

Zee analyzed the table as she walked forward, noticing the grunts with card masks surrounding the table....this wasn't going to be fun at all if things went the worse.

Certainly armed too, bunch of pokeballs...

Taking a seat by the one with a giant red heart on her mask, it waited for the group to speak.

"Nice of you to join us, Miss Suzie-"

"Scoundrel."

"Sorry, Scoundrel, but you know what we want to do right?"

"Burn down society am I wrong?"

The building went silent for a minute before the Red Queen spoke again. "Yes. And-"

"What do I gotta do with that?"

".....We have some idea of who you are Scoundrel, more than the other people who only value you because of your mother. You want change. We want change."

"What does. My mother. Have to do with it?"

"You didn't like your mother, we studied hard on you, you know? Someone tried to attack her, plus you running away. We got her out of the way for you, so you can take over-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

All of the building was filled with Zee's laughter as the Kings and Queens stared in confusion.

"What's so-"

"You speak so much about how you know me, but you think I couldn't tell y'all wanted to use. Me. Like. A. Puppet? Have me get my mom's money then fund your speedrun to prison, huh? Have I got any of that wrong?"

They got up from the table, done with the people that only wanted to use them. Arc it's sickening those idiots.

"Wait-"

A hand reached out to grab it, but Zee caught it with hers and laced hers and their fingers together as it jerked the other person closer.

Face to face with the Red Queen.

"Dont. Ever. Think. I'm that easy to fuck with."

Acid poured out of their hand, covering the Red Queen's hand, as she shrieked and screamed from the pain. Zee only held on tighter as the Red Queen tried to pull away, laughing up into the sky for no one else other than them.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING-"

Zee's other hand shot toward approaching grunts, pointing a canister of stored acid and shot pressurized acid toward them, causing them to fall and scream with pain.

"Anyone else?"

The Red Queen couldn't even stand anymore, just weak and tired from screaming, her voice was starting to go out as she fell to her knees.

Zee gets down on the floor in front of them, still holding the Red Queen's hand, rotted down to the bone.

What was left of the flesh hanging off and falling to the ground.

"Now, we learned our lesson alright?"

With dazed eyes, the Red Queen looked up at her and nodded, and as Scoundrel finally let go, she fell onto the ground. Zee standing over their body.

With a gleeful smile, they waved and turned on their heel, walking back out of the factory.

[favoredsouls]

Its hard for me to talk about faith as it is hard for me to talk about anything. I say I don't know so much it might as well be punctuation for me. It's hard to say just how important I find personal faith and spirituality is over that of something based in a group. Maybe thats why I like the favored soul. They are often outside of a organization. Sometimes feared, sometimes revered, sometimes both. But this is real life I am in, not fantasy. I am not going to delude my experience by thinking I am a chosen one.

Years ago I was spending time with a friend at his college. I had feelings for him at the time. He was my first dm and the first guy I would date later one. He was exploring paganism and had been for a little while. But I was different. My parents, raised catholic, turned to paganism in their college years and kept it in their hearts along with their faith in christ. There are points I cannot tell what they really believe. But thats the thing. Faith is not one side or the other. Back to the point I have been pagan my whole life in a way.

So I am spending time with this guy and he eventually finds a group of queer kids that call themselves the Pagan Student Union at the college. He invites me to join their meetings. And I do. But the thing was. The thing was one of the first people I talked to very openly said they had dreams about Thor and he told them find other followers. An alarm bell went off then but i didnt know what it meant.

In short this group was a bunch of queer, college kids who were trying to escape christian programming. I have no ill will to them but tbh. They kinda creeped me out after a while. My friend I dont think talks to them anymore but remembers things differently.

By that point in my life I had been wearing a hammer for a few years and working with runes since high school. It was important to me but I have moved from the mystical stuff about it. Runes are letters. They have the meaning you give them. Like tarot. Its about interpretation.

I realized that some of the people i dated and loved at the time were misguided. They were told things that made them feel special by people who wanted something from them. I dont think one of them realized this. I didnt know how to tell them they dont have a dragon soul. That guy probably wants to sell you something or wants sex.

Then I come to learn through my mother and some online scholarly types that yes. There are people who do just that. Theyre called grifters. And they'll take a lot if they can. Theyre everywhere. That same person with the dragonsoul also felt they were talking to spirits.

They asked me if i believed them on a walk back from a little patch of woods near my home. Idk what i said anymore. I didnt but i didnt say that. They knew i didnt believe them though.

For other reasons im glad that person is gone from my life.

I learned that sometimes the things you find faith in are not the things you think them to be. Gods do not speak to us in anyway we hear if they do at all. Trees dont talk or have spirits that talk on their behalf. The guy whose telling you have a special soul probably just wants to bone. If they do I dont think the person writing this or that book knows how to listen and discern what theyre saying.

But there are real things out there that happen. Storms do move overhead and I feel energized by their rain. I feel awe. I feel fear. I feel excitement. They're like a friend who makes me feel good about myself and I value the time with them when we have it. I call him Thor.

There is something sacred to me about people fighting for what is right. For justice and truth. And i read stories about them and imagine a friend is telling me them. His name is Tyr.

I wonder the woods and see wind blowing through trees, forcing a cacophony of swayinh bodies. I cannot hear my own voice in the wind. And I am excited by this. Like I could be knocked off my feet at any moment. The glory of it all! To live and breathe at this moment.

I cannot find my dogs bowl for 2 weeks. I know in my mind it is under a couch somewhere but i cannot see the blasted thing with any flashlight. No one can. It must be the gnomes. Its always the gnomes. We curse them and bemoan them. It shows up two weeks later when we move the couch for other reasons. They have forgiven shilo for spooking them and returned the bowl.

Life is full of so much wonder, mischief and grief. The things you find mystical are not magic because they have extra properties. Theyre mystical because they exist and you can marvel at them!

My friend is a geologist and she likes to poke fun at the witchy types who think rocks do things. But she talked in the same breath about how these things have been crushed and moved for thousands if not millions of years to the surface into the form they are now and you get to hold it! Isnt that beautiful. It is Lee. It certainly is.

Life isnt tragic because we face so much hard ship only to die in an uncaring universe. Its beautiful that we get to live at all and do all these things and love people and sing and dance and hold rocks. The universe may be a charnel house of mostly dead stuff. But isnt it beautiful that we get to be some of very few things that can move and think and do so many things!

I exist at the same time as the stars do and they are beautiful. I get to see snowstorms and thunderstorms and my dog Shilo and all my friends dogs and all my friends. All in my lifetime! And so much more! I exist at the same time as all these things.

There is beauty in that truth. It is so awe inspiring to me that i get to be here at all! And so much more. So much more i couldnt say it all in a single post. I have faith in this beautiful world and everything that comes with it. I call her God for simplicity.

I like to think of her as a friend whose so excited to show me all the cool shit they find on their walks.

[armyofpsychictrashcans]

I just really wanted to make a short analysis on Helly’s character in severance cause gosh I just love her so much(tw attempted unalivement). To me it’s really interesting how she is introduced as the fish out of water, completely new at the company and it is just so painfully obvious that she doesnt fit in. But in my opinion where her character really shines are her apologies. As soon as she is introduced its clear shes a fighter, she doesnt take things lying down and if somebody tries to subjugate her they will rue the day they did. But when she finally gets to send a message to her outtie, she is greeted with this.

“ Eventually, we all have to accept reality. So, here it is. I am a person. You are not. “

-’outie’ Helly

While severance is never really subtle with it’s messaging, this is some of the most blatant hitting you over the head with the words CAPITALISM BAD. Especially when Helly’s outtie’s position is revealed, it’s clear, workers severed people are not treated as humans, are seen as unworthy of even making a decision. They simply exist to work, nothing else. Not very subtle but at the same time this scene is fucking terrifying and I love it. But even this doesnt break Helly. She isn’t anything if not a fighter, so fuck it, right? And so she tries something again. And fails. But this time Mark cant protect her anymore, and she is forced to face the punishment herself

“ Forgive me for the harm I have caused this world. None may atone for my actions but me and only in me shall their stain live on. I am thankful to have been caught, my fall cut short by those with wizened hands. All I can be is sorry, and that is all I am.“

I love the break room. It is such a barbaric concept, and the way it is framed is just beautifully terrifying. Repetition is well known as a brainwashing technique(which Lumen is absolutely abundant in), but it’s use in severance does not fail in making it any less terrifying. The apology Helly and others are forced to recite make it clear. We know what’s best, you don’t. Dont question us. In which the sentence  I am thankful to have been caught, my fall cut short by those with wizened hands, the most obvious in it’s messaging(which will be important later). At this point her character is in a standstill. Her character is defined by her strong force of will, and for a short time after this as a viewer it seems as if they finally broke it. She’s despondent and, while slowly, starts doing her work. And in a way, they have finally cornered her. But then you see, she’s grabbed an extension cord. And huh, why is she taking that trash can?

Hands down one of the most shocking and traumatic moments of the show. It is an extremely weird combo of ‘WHAT THE HELL WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT NONONO PLEASE STOP’ and ‘yeah she would totally do that but OUCH’. And even after this moment, she states that all that she wants is for that other version of her to suffer, and know that it was by her hands. So I mean yeah. In character but painful nonetheless. This is a major turning point in the series, not only for Helly but also for a lot of other characters. Helly comes to realise that she physically can not do this on her own, and eventually learns to trust the rest of MDR, including Mark. Which allows them to properly work together to accomplish something big. Getting to wake up as their outside selves. Getting to know who they are. Who are they really? Why would they go through severance?

The Helly scenes in the final episode are truly horrific. It was easy to write off Helly’s outie as just a bad misguided person after her tape, but the realisation that she did all of this, just as a pr stunt, as the next in line to recieve the Kier empire is just terrifying. Seeing the blank happy faces of MDR, knowing what you know, it feels gross. And the conversation with her father is just as bone-chilling. The barely contained hatred the father displays for innie helly while she is literally the same person is just a wonderful way to ramp up the tension.

“ I remember you saying ‘It’s so pretty daddy. Everybody in the whole world should get one!’. They will. Because of you “

-Jame Eagen

I think in general this is a really good scene, but even just alone these few lines just highlight the utter disilusionment of the Kier family. And the next scene is probably my favourite scene in the whole show.

“ Forgive me for the harm I have caused this world. None may atone for my actions but me and only in me shall their stain live on. All I can be is sorry, and that is all I am. “

Many people point to her speech after this as Helly’s defining moment, but to me this scene perfectly exemplifies her character and the growth she goes through. This quiet moment of introspection and accountability is just fuckin rad to me. She could easily say that this was her outies actions, she had nothing to do with this. But no, she realises that somewhere inside her she is this person, and that person is deeply troubling and has hurt so many people. And so she solemnly repeats the phrases made to break her spirit and makes it her own. I also think it is super interesting how she dropped the third phrase from the apology, while also just not making sense in the context of this scene it also says so much in terms of the themes of severance. The people with power need to realise the power they have over others, and reckon with what they’ve done with it. And honestly look at themselves, there are no ‘wizened hands’ to hold you accountable, you need to do that yourself. And that really is just the beauty of Helly’s character and the show as a whole. And I haven’t even talked about the other characters, the weirdly poignant themes of religious disillusionment or the cult-like techniques Lumen uses to keep employees in line. Just ugh very good show. Please give me season 2 now please dude I need it.

[yveltalreal]

did you watch the actual noctowl house or like a bootleg version how do you not know what’s going on

i watched the actual noctowl house. way too much happens in the first episode. the amount of shit they do is stuff i would have expected to take place over the course of like 3 or 4 episodes. its incredibly hard to follow, especially when youre someone like me who needs to take amoment to fully process whats happening sometimes. not to mention that it gives you a very skewed idea about what the show is about. i should know the bare bones of a shows premise and what to expect by its first episode. the noctowl house does not let me do that.

you watch gravity falls, you have a vague idea that the show is about two twins who find a weird book that tells them about all the supernatural stuff in this small town, supernatural stuff they will be fighting. you watch amphibia, you have a vague idea that its about a girl and her friends who are sent to an alternate world where everyone are shit like froakies and stuff and its about her wanting to go home and learning how to live with the froakie people. you watch avatar the last airbender, you know its about aang who is the avatar trying to master the 4 elements and defeat the fire nation who are trying to colonize the other nations. you watch steven universe, you know its about steven who is this kid with magic alien powers who lives with 3 other people with magic alien powers and together they fight monsters and save the day and shit. like SUPER bare bones shit, no idea about the full plot, but you know the basic idea.

i could not tell you what they want me to know about the noctowl house. theyre going to be?? breaking people out of prison because theyre weird? being weird is illegal in this world? everything i have the vaguest spoilers of later in this show does not give me the impression that i am right. hell maybe its about luz being a witch?? i have literally never seen this talked about and like. YOU ONLY GET THIS AT THE END OF THE EPISODE. if the whole point is her learning magic why have an entire fucking. jail break and prison riot that served no purpose???? i literally needed a full 24 hours to comprehend what i had just watched. i watched this several days ago. i have been thinking on this mess for several days. this isnt me just like oh i didnt like the first episode at first but now that ive thought about it its fine. im not overwhelmed by it anymore. its just objectively hard to follow, and my close friends have told me that yeah, no, it does not get any easier to follow.

like tbh i think the owl house at least from what ive seen COULD work, just not with the pacing it has at this point. i would have split the first episode up so its like. kinda ends with luz doing more of the chase in the city with eda and maybe seeing more magic shit and putting the saving eda stuff in the city before they escape and have luz ask to be trained to be a witch there and then like. have the next few episodes be prepping and training before they break into the prison and then an episode for the prison break and ensuing prison riot that luz starts. either that or like. the owl house feels like it would be more fitting as a series of fantasy novels rather than a disney show.

like i dont hate the context i just think it has the most dogshit pacing. who knows though this is all from what i know of the first episode and some of my friends being like yeah no the pacing just straight up gets worse near the end so. idk.

[diedandwenttobobevans]

First Journal Entry 7/21/24

Hi. Hello. I'm so fucking bad at journals. I've been wanting to do this for a bit tho. It's going to be a big dumb thought dump. Don't really care about coherence, this is just a habit I really wanted to get into. Theres a part of me thats like, anxious? I'm dealing with some really bad self image issues right now. Lots of stuff going on in my life. I've been insanely insecure and self concious recently and so even just the idea of airing my greivances out publicly with the protection of anonymity is nerve wracking to me. Everything in life feels overwhleming and. just. AAAAAAAAAA

Here's the thing. I'm a sorry excuse for an adult. I'm 35, just got out of a mediocre and toxic 13+ year relationship with my ex back in April. It was a long, dragged out death to a unfulfilling existence that I held onto too long. Dear Jesus I just realized I'll be 36 in 3 weeks. Fuck. Ready to get off Mr. Bones ride already. I am she/her/they (oh hey, that they is new but dont want to dwell on it too much) bi- lesbian leaning mess of a human being. I don't have spawn thank god. That's not to say I dislike kids or anything, I just don't find I am a patient and responsibile enough person to care for one. I barely can take care of myself.

So mental disorders. I haven't been properly diagnosed. Gotta love the American Health Care system. But it's more so I don't do anything. I don't take care of myself in the very obvious ways and I am always prcrastinating and straight up avoiding difficult and stressing tasks that every other normal ass person can do. So I haven't bothered with getting health insurance. I don't have a traditional job that provides benefits. God, I sleep so much but everthing tires me. Even just writing this out is mentally exhausting. I don't know whats wrong with me. I think its ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, maybe something else. Autism? BPD? Maybe I'm just a hypochondriac. I don't know how people can function if they feel like I do. I barely want to get out of bed.

My brain is starting to fry and I'm struggling to sit and type these feelings out. Again, so overwhelmed. It feels like I have so much to dump here. But at the same time I don't know what I want to talk about? If its not obvious, I'm not a self actualized person. I'm struggling defineing myself and my goals and what I want out of life. I'm hoping journaling practices will help with that.

I hung out with my brother and two of his friends on Saturday. One is renting out his basement, hes a long time friend of my bro's wife. Great guy, but I kinda want him to move out so I can take over the basement. Hes been house hunting recently so it seems possible. The other friend is a woman I just met this year, not sure how long of a friend shes been with Bro but shes openly Pan, outgoing, smart, adorably nerdy. Fine as hell. An amazingly caring person. I, the absolute garbage bag I am, went to a party at the beguinning of the year and not knowing anyone there, drank fast and furious and went a little loud and first met Adorable Nerd (not knowing the extent of her nerdiness) while plastered, trauma dumped about my failing relationship. Claimed to "like her vibe" THEN GAVE HER ASS A SQUEEZE according to other party goers. I'm so ashamed. and cowardly to boot so the next 2 parties I seen her at I avoided her out of embaressment. The fact she still wants to talk and even has invited me out to future hangouts is insane. She loves DnD and wants to play so bad. Maybe she would want to go to Gen Con? Trying to enjoy roleplaying games and board games is kind of weird when theres a lot of history of my ex and those activities, but damn it, I like that stuff. I may of learned a lot from him about the subjects but that doesn't make me not interested anymore.

Anyway, AdoraNerd seems intent on trying to "help" me. Trying to get me out and about, talk about my feelings. It's been 3 months now since the break up. I guess I should leave the house. Is she into me, is this weird to ask. Why would she care. I told her she would do amazing in psychology

God this a jumbled mess of thoughts. I would love to get better at writing and organzing my brainworms. For now though I think I'll end it here and try to make this a daily practice.

I want to add what I'm listening to here as well. Remember on myspace and xanga and most people ended their blogs with "currently lsitening to/currently watching/ currently playings/currently eating ect" stuff? I want to continue the tradition. What would all the important stuff be? I also kind of want to get into a collages for my mood so I have some kind of creative outlet outside of work.

Listening: SUPERHEAVEN - I'VE BEEN BORED / LITHONIA - CHILDISH GAMBINO

Watching: THE TICK (1994)

[tounderstandthesoul]

Chapter 2: Messages from the dead

A bad dream right? Or is it?

---

I will say in advance that you are the same age as the critters. I don't want anyone to get the wrong ideas.

---

Third person:

A cold and dark room with a few machines that are no longer in operation stands there without any electricity or heat at all. Inside a machine sleeps a little boy, his appearance could be described as an angel. He is in the dark and his chest floats with his irregular breathing, sometimes he breathes in briefly and unconscously holds his breath for a long time, but sometimes it looks as if he is having a bad dream and is gasping for breath. But suddenly he wakes up and looks around frightened, his posture reminiscent of a small street kitten desperately looking for help.

Angel Pov:

"Y/N Do you know the answer!"

"Huh?"

"Earth to Y/N, are you sleeping in class again?"

"No I... where are we...?"

A few children started to turn around from their seats and I got all nervous, 'why are they looking at me like that? Did I do something wrong?’

"Ehrm... no.. I think...." no its just Class I need to know the Task.

I quickly look at the Board 'it can't be that hard, after all, this is the Math class for children with learning difficulties....or? ‘wait a minute'

"I'm really starting to lose hope in you angel... you're only supposed to solve this? what's wrong with you?"

"I... what... what does it say?"

The Board was full of red letters, they were all scattered around and made no sense. 'wait, what did she just call me?’

"Ehm... what... what did you Ju-“

"Tell me, are you hard of hearing or something? Or can you just not read, angel?"

I look slowly in the direction of the voice, my eyes slowly starting to fix on the left of me. A boy about my age with his blond hair pulled up, he kind of looks like an chicken. 'what... Who are you?’

"Angel Now read the DAMN TASK!"

"Yes sorry Miss... Its...."

I feel bad everyone is staring at me and the letters look like they're shifting. 'what the'. The smeared red letters are moving as if it were a coloring book and a red liquid is slowly running down the sides of the blackboard. 'I feel sick', but at that moment. Right now. I can read the words as they now make sense.

"The prototype will ... save us all"

"You see angel? Wasn't that hard after all was it?"

"Yes, but Mrs. Delight... what does that mean......?"

I heard a loud crack and every child at that moment suddenly turned their head towards me and looked me in the eye. I could even see the broken bones in some of the children's necks slowly poking out of their skin 'I can't take this anymore' I couldn't control it at that moment looking at all the Kids, I felt so bad and it just came out… I threw up on the table. ‘I don’t want to look at them’ What is going on here?

It happened suddenly and was very loud, someone had literally slammed the door open.

"Y/N, Angel!"

I didn't dare answer, it was one of those women with their yellow suits who have that look on their face...like they own everything.

"It's you with the scars, isn't it.... Hey!"

"What... what's going on?"

"You're really very lucky, Kid"

"Me?. Lucky?.. Why?"

"You were chosen and adopted by a loving family!"

"I... Adopted... Why?"

"you should have listened to them" 'what? what did she just say?'

"you should have listened to his successor" 'Am I hearing badly?, what is she talking about?. I dont understand.'

"But now it's too late for you"

"What are you even talking a-"

"The angel is starving" ‘What… What does she mean ‘I don’t understand anything here’

"The angel is starving" ' I... don't understand'

"The angel is st-"

"STOP! I..." Tears slowly flow from my eyes. I feel them slowly drift down my face and everything gets louder and louder.

"Lucky you"

I started to scream.

But then I woke up.

"What was that???" I can hardly breathe, it feels like my heart is about to jump out of my chest.

It takes me a few seconds not to fall over. I feel dirty, I can also see why. I am Practically lying in Trash and im Still wearing the Lab Coat from when I was tested on. ‘wait that dream, was that ma-‘

My thoughts got broken by a loud noise, which was coming from my Stomach. it was very Loud Growling. I looked around and the memories of yesterday came flooding back, I slept in this shithole as usual. 'dammit' this can't go on, I remember my thoughts from yesterday. Oh god I am going to die here Wont i. ‘Wait can i even die?’

I still know the way from here towards Playcare, that will be the only place where there might still be something edible, it will probably be a long journey without a destination.But its better than staying here and sleeping in this Manufactoring Hole.

I Slowly stand up and Feel my Legs Starting to cramp, but that’s no problem, and it happens often. Thats why when i was on the run after It Happened, I start to bend my knees slightly and concentrate on my legs, I have made myself a little taller in my sleep 'Maybe out of instinct', well, it doesn't matter.

I can see and feel my legs getting shorter 'it really helps with the pain' but I shouldnt use my ability 'if you can even call it that' that often.

Because at that moment I immediately feel dizziness and can quickly protect myself from falling by leaning on an old machine.'damn it already?'

I should set off slowly now because it will take me at least a couple of hours to get to the Gamestation, and from then on, Ill walk on the Train tracks. Because I know there's a Toy rummaging around and if she sees me, 'that'll be it'.

No, I need to get into walking.

Next stop: The Gamestation