#but i don't want to put out anything less than my usual standard so i'll try to break this writer's block soon ]

[lunaetis]

[ i apologize for the lack of ic content & activity. i had been super busy with work ever since i got back from my trip and the stress from all the deadlines and overwhelming assignments is causing me to have a huge writer's block on top of that. i had been aching to write in my little spare time but my brain is refusing to work with me. i'll try to get some writing out when i could ! i'm sorry for the wait ;; ]

[disgustingtwitches]

**MDNI**

"The closest to heaven we'll ever get"

Saw a lot of stuff about Simon helping out a s*x worker. Anyways, it reminded me of a personal experience I had so... Here I am 😃

5.5k words

*This is kind of Simon needing company and being a weirdo who needs constant validation.

Not gonna lie, it gets blasphemous at the end!

~

I always played around with the idea of being an escort. I was offered to do things while working in the strip club, but I always turned it down. I was spending every dollar I made because I could always make more, right? But when I broke up with my ex and realized I didn't have the credit or rental history to get my own place, I started panicking. The only option was to put down at least three months rent cash upfront, to even be considered. Suddenly, money was drying up at the club for me, my regulars were being whisked away by girls who would do more for less. I couldn't really get mad, it's just a part of the game really. So I knew what needed to be done.

I hit up one of my girlfriends and told her that I needed the extra cash and what I was willing to do for it. She helped me set up a website, took professional photos of me, made me business cards. The whole nine yards. Now all I had to do was wait. About a week in, I finally get my first client. It was awkward and surprisingly, both of our first times in this situation. I was sent back home in a black car and a few hundred bucks richer for just 30 minutes of my time. I felt a rush I never felt before.

As the months rolled by, the money came. Luxury was the new standard for me. Designer everything, nice dinners, even nicer dates. To my surprise a majority of my clientele were, at most, 10 years older than me, and even more surprisingly, good looking. Finance bros, guys with daddy's money, or just men who had the money to spare. They always talked about how it was more fun and less work to hire me than get a girlfriend. To get a pretty girl in their arm to parade around that wouldn't bicker and give them a hard time at the end of the night. No feelings attached, just company and good sex.

So here I am Saturday night. Instead of going out to the club like a normal woman my age in Manhattan should be doing. I am in my hotel. Waiting for a call or text from someone. Anybody. My hair in rollers, makeup half done. Just waiting. My phone lights up, a text coming in:

Hi, Gia. Was interested in spending an hour with you tonight, 11pm.

I smiled to myself. Finally, someone who reads my ad properly. Follows the instructions on what to text to me. Straight to the point.

Wonderful, just need a picture of your ID or passport.

I reply. Always a rule my girlfriend drilled into my head. Safety first. If they don't do it, then what could they be planning? Anything goes bad and all you have is a name that couldn't even be real. Any client worth your time understands your safety is a priority. So this was my way of feeling safer. A moment passes before my phone dings again.

A picture of a passport, full name and age. Along with a picture. He's cute. A little older than what I usually get but I'm not complaining. I quickly look him up, nothing out of the ordinary. Good.

Great. Thank you, Simon. I'll send an address for you to send a car at 10:20. Reach out to you then❤️

Before I start to get ready he texts,

Wear something casual.

Not an odd request. Actually most clients prefer it. Want more of a girlfriend vibe rather than an escort. I finished getting ready, helping myself to a glass of wine. Playing my usual bad bitch songs, it helped me turn into the woman I needed to be- from me to Gia.

10:25 rolls around. I get a screenshot of the Uber from him. 5 minutes out. I grab my purse and strut out of my hotel, to a nearby park. Never give your real address. Always make sure you're not being followed.

A black SUV pulls up, I slide in. Exchange pleasantries with the driver and I'm off. Headed to midtown. I share my location with a friend and how long I should be gone. My phone goes off.

Walk into the building and head to the elevators on the left. 36th floor. Apt. 4A.

I nod to myself before shooting a text of confirmation.

Got it. See you soon ;)

I pull up to the building, it's huge. Nicer than most places I've been. He must have some serious cash. I walk into the building and follow the directions he gave me. A little adrenaline rushes through me as I walk up to the door, always did when meeting someone new. I knock. He almost immediately opens the door, as if he was standing in front of it. Waiting.

Simon!

I say with a wide smile. He steps aside as I walk in, looking around. Nice place. Really nice place. Ceiling to floor windows, minimalist decor, the lovely smell of something masculine and expensive. He looks me up and down as I turn to him.

You look just like your pictures.

His voice is deep, alluring, unreadable. Sends a chill up my thighs that shoots straight to my core.

You do too.

I reply playfully. A small twitch plays at the corner of his mouth before disappearing. His face inscrutable. I shimmy off my coat before he takes it, hanging it up in a closet near the entrance. I wait for him to move. He stands, hands in his pockets, studying me. An awkward minute passes before he walks to the living room. I follow.

Really nice place you got here.

I try to make the moment more comfortable.

Hm.

He responds. He wasn't like the other men I've seen before. They are sociable, or at least try to be. I take a seat on the couch next to him, our knees barely touching.

Money's there.

He gestures to an envelope on the table. I nod, grabbing it.

Do you mind if I...?

I ask, opening it up. He nods and stands to pour himself a drink. My eyes widen. This is more than my usual rate. Much more. I'm quiet, trying not to show my shock.

Was hoping to do an overnight, if that's alright.

It was less of a question and more of a statement from him. It was more than enough for a night. I nodded.

Of course, I do wish you would've told me; I would've packed a bag.

I smiled, putting the envelope down on the table. I grab my phone and update my friend on how long I'd be gone for. I put away the phone quickly and look up at him. God, was he hot. And the way he carried himself made him even hotter, so nonchalant. He shrugged, sipping his drink before sitting next to me again, some space between us.

How long you been doing this?

He stares at me, gaze so intense I squirm a little.

Just a few months.

We're quiet again. Usually I try to carry a conversation if the other party can't hold one, but he makes me nervous. I talk again, asking mundane questions. It's like pulling teeth trying to have small talk with him. Maybe he's just not much of a talker.

I scoot closer to him, our knees barely touching. He puts his drink down, and rests his arms on the back of the couch. I lean in closer to him, resting my hand on his thigh before kissing his lips. He kisses back softly. We exchange light, almost timid kisses for awhile. He finally moves. A hand reaching up to grab at my hair, gently pulling. I moan faintly and that seems to set him off. He grabs me by the throat, not hard, just enough to stand me up and guide me to his bedroom; our kisses getting more intense. We strip each other of our clothes. I unbuckle his pants and pull them down, it feels like I'm opening a gift on Christmas. He's big. I smile up at him. He just looks down vacantly. I pull down his boxers and his erection springs up, tip drooling. He opens a drawer next to the bed, pulling out a condom and rolling it on himself.

Lay back.

He commands. I obey, opening my legs. I've done this so many times before, but this time it's different. As unceremoniously as he's treating this, I can't be more excited. His body is amazing, tattoos and scars just adding to the mysterious aura. His natural scent drives me wild. I look up to him as he crawls over me, lining himself up with me. He gives a couple lazy slaps on my slick. I take a sharp breath. He watches as he slides himself in, I tense up. Most guys are well... average. And he's well... much more than that.

Relax.

He huffs. Sliding himself in more, not giving me any time to adjust. I grip the bedsheets, clenching my jaw. I stare up at him, he doesn't even look at me. His face emotionless as he watches himself slide in and out. I try to unclench, opening myself up more to him.

Mhm...

He grunts. My nipples harden at his voice. I moan as he slams into my cervix repeatedly. It makes him shoot his eyes up at me, glaring into mine. His eyes dark pools, intense. He roughly hooks his arms under my knees, pushing them up to my chest. He digs even deeper into me as I whimper. He takes quick, shallow breaths.

You're so deep.

I say panting, the breath getting knocked out of me. I reach out to touch his muscular arms. He grunts and pounds harder into me. I throw my head back, whining. Trying to not wince in pain. He slows for a moment, pulling back, keeping my legs on his shoulders as he slides in and out. My breasts bounce up and down with each thrust.

You're hot.

A hint of emotion in his voice, he reaches down to knead my chest. My face gets hot. I tighten around him.

Fuck...

He makes a sound that almost resembles a moan. I smile up at him, almost proud of making him show any emotion. He looks down at me, a flicker in his eyes, a small smirk on his face that leaves as quickly as it came. He parts my legs and rubs at my clit in rough circles. I squirm under him.

Say my name.

He orders. His strokes picking up as I get used to him.

Simon~

As soon as his name leaves my lips, a deep rumble from his chest fills my ears. He leans over me, arms on either side of my head. I reach up to run my hands up and down the back of his neck.

Say you love me.

His request takes me aback. I pull him closer, my lips just under his ear.

I love you~

He immediately tenses up and takes a heavy breath. I could feel him twitch inside me as he finishes. He pulls away quickly, going to the bathroom to throw out the condom and clean up. He brings back a wet towel, wiping me down.

What's your name?

His tone as flat as ever.

Gia.

I responded. I know what he's actually asking me. Never, ever tell a trick your real name. Hell, he shouldn't even know your real age.

You know what I mean.

He glares at me. I shift awkwardly. Don't do it. He doesn't say a word, just stares in a way that makes me uncomfortable. Why should he know your real name anyways? I tell him my name. Stupid. Fucking dumbass. I kick myself. He nods and slides into some sweats, throwing me his shirt.

Let's watch something.

I throw on his shirt. Now this is what I'm used to. Being a temporary girlfriend. Pretending to be affectionate. Giving much needed companionship. He splays out on the couch as I lay on top of him. He turns on the TV, resting a hand on my ass and squeezing it. Maybe this is why he hires girls. Because of how distant he is. The man can't even hold a conversation. He flicks on some show he was in the middle of, a business dramedy that I couldn't care less about. I rest my head on his chest and he runs his fingers through my hair. We're like this for a while, quiet.

Tell me you love me.

He says dryly, looking down at me. I look up and kiss him.

I love you, Simon.

He gets hard immediately, rubbing himself on me. He gets up, lifting me up effortlessly, and throws me on the bed. He lays on top of me, pinning me down onto the bed. Kissing me much more passionately this time, like he was trying to taste every inch of my mouth.

Keep saying it.

His voice gruff. He moves his kisses down to my neck, pawing at my bust.

I love you, Simon.

I moan. I wanted him so badly. I don't care how I got him, I just wanted to take him. Something about him made me go crazy, deep inside. He yanks up the shirt I was wearing, moving his kisses more and more south.

You fuck other people raw?

I shake my head. I might've been a whore, but I wasn't reckless.

Never.

He nods.

Can I eat you out?

I look down at him. Something about seeing him between my legs makes me wanna say yes. The way his eyes looks almost as if he's pleading, desperate. No way. Never do that.

Yes.

I allow him to keep going. What the fuck am I doing? Why am I allowing this? Before I can think more, he plunges his tongue between my lips. Lapping up desperately, burying his face into me. I roll my eyes back, running my fingers through his hair.

I love you, Simon.

I gasp. It's the only thing he wanted me to say. I saw something in him, the way he reacted when I said that, it made me want to stay in his place forever. To never leave. Make him happy. It's just the good head talking, you'll snap back to your senses afterwards. He moans so quietly I can barely hear it. Barely. My legs on his shoulders, his arms wrapped around my thighs. Digging fingers into the soft flesh. He sucks on my nub repeatedly. It's a tortuously delicious feeling. I grip his hair a little.

I love you, Simon.

I look down at him, watching him devour me. He looks up at me, his eyes showing an emotion I can't decipher. He moves one hand down to slide two fingers into me.

I love you, Simon.

I moan, throwing my head back and smiling.

Hmm...

He mumbled into my heat. Pumping in and out before bending his fingers in a way that presses against my sweet spot. I hiss, pleasure flashing through me like a strobe light. I'm dripping wet. He pulls his fingers out and plunges his tongue into my entrance, trying to suck out every drop of my juices.

You taste good.

Voice as flat as ever, as if he isn't lost in between my folds. He drags his tongue up between my lips, from my entrance to my nub again. He slips his fingers in again, pressing up against my sweet spot repeatedly. I get lost in the feeling. God I could stay like this forever. He looks up at me, like he's looking for validation.

I love you, Simon~

I slip out between heavy breaths. He picks up the pace of his fingers and tongue. My face gets hot as I get closer, grip his hair a little harder. He goes even faster, harder, almost feverant. I roll my eyes back, panting. I whimper before crying out, tightening around his fingers in a vice grip.

I love you, Simon~

I force the words from my throat as I spasm under him. He continues, seemingly determined to draw another climax out of me. I mewled, trying to push his head away. He was unmoving for an unbearable moment. The only sounds were my pants and his slurping.

I love you, Simon.

I wailed, almost hoping it'll make him stop. He does thankfully. He pulls away, tearing off his sweats, beating off himself. Staring at me, his gaze is intense as ever. He grabs me by the thighs and drags me into his lap. He continues to stroke himself, staring into my wet core as if he was hypnotized by it.

Can I...

He starts, almost knowing he shouldn't ask the question.

Can I fuck you raw?

His voice is uncharacteristically soft and unsure. I blink at him, mind racing. ABORT! ABORT! THIS IS LIKE RULE #1 IN HOE-ING!!! He looked so delicious from this angle, his eyes still glued on my wetness. ARE YOU INSANE?? NO!! His throbbing, beautiful dick is twitching.

...yes.

I nod. You're the dumbest person on the planet. I insult myself a million different ways in my head. A brief moment of regret is replaced with pleasure as he slides his tip teasingly in and out of me. His jaw clenches, chest rising and falling faster. His voice cracks as a moan escapes him, his eyebrows furrow.

I love you, Simon.

I stare at him, eyes half lidded. The smallest smile spreads across his face, still looking at himself entering me. He inches his way in. Pulling in and out, going deeper each time. I squeeze him, make him bite his lip.

That's good.

He stated, voice quavering. He clears his throat before grabbing one leg and lifting it to my chest, digging deep into me. I take a sharp breath in. He hovers over me, arms on either side of my head again. He slides in and out, slowly at first then picking up to a punishing pace. I whimper and wiggle under him. He grabs my face, forcing me to look into his eyes that bore into mine.

I love you, Simon.

I stare right back at him, passion shooting right out of my eyes. His eyes flutter for a moment before blinking back into his cold, unnerving self. He continues to dig himself into me, slamming and grinding himself into the deepest parts of me. It's a painfully addicting feeling. I take his hand and press it up against my lower stomach so he can feel how much he fills me. He clenches his jaw so hard, it looks like his head could pop.

I love you, Simon.

I whisper. He drops down on top of me, snaking his arms around and behind my back to grab my ass. His mouth right next to my ear, I can hear his fast and shallow breaths. Little groans that slip out every now and then. I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him tighter.

I love you, Simon.

I hear him groan under me as I said it again. He goes faster than before, pretty much jackhammering me into the mattress. My mouth is agape and head thrown back. Only grunts escape my throat as I get fucked senseless.

Mhm...like that?

His words bounce around in my empty head. I replay it in my head over and over until I clench around him, he doesn't stop though. It only seems to spur him on even more. His warm breath tickling my ear as it gets more ragged.

Keep saying it.

He demands through gritted teeth.

Fuck... I love you, Simon.

I squeak out the words. He huffs and continues to rampage my body.

Can I come inside you?

He asks- No, begs. No use in turning back now. Just the thought made me close again.

Yes.

I nod and he breathes harder and harder until he pleads in a strained voice,

Say it.

I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside me.

I love you, Simon~

He spills inside me. His stammered breaths and moans driving me crazy. The feeling of him pumping into me driving me over the edge. I pull him closer, practically squeezing him.

I love you, Simon.

I tenderly kiss the top of his head as he nuzzles into my neck.

How often do you do this?

My head clears, a wave of regret coming over me.

Never. I never even hired anyone before you.

He says in a way so sincere I honestly believe him. How do you know when a trick is lying? Their mouth is open. Rules. Rules to live by, to be able to survive doing what I do. Rules. They all meant nothing as soon as I laid eyes on him. Somehow saw this coming a mile away in the back of my head. He pulled away from my grasp, disappointment flooded me. He leaned back, opening my legs: watching both of our cum dripping out of me.

Say it.

His eyes so focused, as if he were trying to take a picture with his mind; so he would never forget this moment.

I love you, Simon.

I say with a tender smile. His dick jumps. Good lord is this man insatiable. He stands up and does the same routine as before, cleaning himself up and then me. He hands me his shirt:

Here.

I throw it on and he leads me to the bathroom, grabbing me by the shoulders and making me face the mirror. He gently pushes my back, I lean my elbows on the countertop. I stand on the balls of my feet, trying to get my hips to meet his. As I look in the mirror, his face looks almost tender watching me sway my hips.

I love you, Simon~

I sing softly. He bites his lip, entering me again. God, I never get used to the feeling. He grabs my hips and pulls me onto him, he bottoms me out. Groaning louder this time, he pulls my hair back so I'm looking directly at the mirror, locking eyes with him.

S'it, pretty girl...

A corner of his mouth upturned just enough to know he's enjoying himself. His words make me flutter around him. He groans and starts to pound into me. The bathroom is filled with the duet of our breaths and groans. He pulls my hair so my back is pressed against his chest. He rests a hand on my throat, squeezing just enough. Moves his lips to my neck, still sliding in and out of me.

You love me? Huh?

He grunts, warm breath on the pulse of my neck.

I love you. So much.

I moaned. I repeated the phrase so many times, it started coming out of my mouth naturally. He moved his hand from my hair to my lower stomach, pressing against it so he could feel himself hitting my walls.

You love this dick, yeah? Say it.

His voice getting more demanding and urgent. I nod and look at him through the mirror, smiling.

I love it, I love this dick so much, Simon~

He nips at my neck as he continues to fuck me. His nips turn into bites. Bites that definitely leave marks. I didn't care, that didn't matter right now.

You're never fucking leaving, you know that?

A threat that sounded like heaven to me. He could keep me chained to the bed and I wouldn't care, just as long as he kept fucking me like this. I giggled with excitement.

You like that, hm?

He smiles against my skin before continuing to lick and bite my neck.

I love it~

I truly did. It felt heavenly. Better than anyone I've ever had. Ever. Something felt so familiar about his touch. As if I belonged there.

I love you, Simon~

At this point I feel like I'm reciting a prayer, the words flowing out of me like a stream. I was melting in his arms.

Turn around, wanna see that pretty face.

I did so eagerly as he lifted me up on the counter and slid inside me. I smirked up at him. He, as always, was watching himself impale me.

Looks so pretty...

He seemingly mumbled to himself. He leaned down and pressed our foreheads together, a firm hand on the back of my head. Hitting a spot so deep inside me I never knew I had. We were like this for a long minute, sloppy sounds of our sex bouncing off the walls.

I love you, Simon.

I stared into his eyes. They seem to soften for a moment before he tightened the grip on the back of my neck. A huff, and then he came undone. He stayed inside me until he was soft. He pulls out and pushes his fingers into my cunt, stuffing his seed back into me.

Hm.

He grunts in a way that sounds like approval before helping me off the counter. He leads me to bed and slips under the covers.

In my arms.

Commanding as he usually does. I press my head against his chest, his heart beating hard and fast. He wraps an arm around me, his touch much gentler than before. I fall asleep. Not too sure if he does too.

Morning comes and I'm woken up by the sun shining in my face. Sitting up, I'm in his bed, still wearing his shirt. Alone. I walk out to the living room and see him setting up breakfast on the coffee table.

You made this?

I question, surprised.

Ordered it. Good morning.

He turns to me, shoving his hands in his pockets. He looks at me expectantly. I blink at him.

Good morning.

I say. He looks at me as if he was anticipating something else. I think for a moment before suddenly remembering.

I love you, Simon.

He steps to the side, inviting me to sit on the couch. I help myself to a seat and look at the plate in front of me. It's simple, French toast and eggs. I help myself.

Are you gonna eat anything?

I look at him quizzically. He shakes his head, staring like always. We're silent as I finish my plate. I grab my phone and check the time. Almost time for me to leave.

Can I book you for longer?

His voice is gruff. An underlying tone, pleading?

It'll be expensive.

I didn't want to say that. Wanted to say I'll stay as long as he likes. But I already made too many mistakes. Gotta get back on track.

I don't care.

Of course he didn't. He could probably buy me out for the rest of my life if he wanted to. He pulled out his phone, asking for my personal number so he could send the money straight to my bank account. Hesitantly I gave it to him. He probably could find out that stuff if he wanted to anyways. My phone dings, I check my bank app. My eyes pop out of my head. I look up at him bewildered.

How long would that get me?

He asks, as if he didn't send me an ungodly amount of money.

It's enough for a whole week...

Shock still overwhelming me.

You wanna stay that long?

He doesn't really ask. He knows I'll say yes. Doesn't even wait for my answer.

I'll let you get your things.

He throws some of his clothes my way and sends me back in a car to the hotel. I grab my bags and checkout. Is this really happening? A call from my girlfriend. I tell her about his extension. She says something about making sure he's not a serial killer. We laugh, tells me to have fun, don't fall in love. I scoff as if that was the stupidest idea I've heard. As soon as I know it I'm back at his place, he's grabbing bags from me, setting them to the side. Turning to me and running a hand up the side of my waist.

I love you, Simon.

We spend the whole week tangled up in each other. Taking a break before I say those four words and he has me pinned against a wall or over a dresser or kitchen counter. Any flat surface, really.

It's Saturday night and we're showering, cleaning off sweat and other bodily fluids from each other. His touch is so gentle, handling me like I was a piece of china. He liked me. It was obvious. Seemed like the only way he knew how to show it was by fucking me, though. I liked him too. Maybe not to the extent he did.

Seemed like he found something he needed for a long time. He was hungry. Famished. He couldn't just let go of me. He's not satiated yet. Don't know if he'll ever be. It was a looming feeling. Dark and heavy. A little scary. But it made me feel more desired than I've ever been before. And not just a carnal desire. It made me feel coveted.

We're laid up on his couch. Watching the show I didn't care for before, a little more invested. My phone lights up, buzzing. The name of a regular of mine across the screen in big bold letters. This is usually the time of the month he calls to set up a date. A reminder that this is all temporary. I let it go to voicemail. He tenses up. Jealousy and disappointment radiating off him.

How much for the whole month?

He doesn't even let me think of an answer before speaking again.

How much to make you quit for good?

I'm a little shook, sure I've heard it a dozen times before. Always said in jest. But he's serious. The few words he said, he always seemed to mean. No need to waste his breath beating around the bush. My heart races. I can feel his pound against mine. A number doesn't come to my head.

Let's just see how this goes.

He doesn't like that answer. He wants something solid. A promise that I'll never leave. More than a promise. But that's as good as he can get right now. There's a tense silence between us.

I love you, Simon.

The only thing I can think of saying right now. He takes hold of me, climbing into the bed and sits me in his lap. His back against the headboard.

C'mon love.

He says frigid. An underlying tone of disappointment and hurt. I slide myself down on him, a little more adjusted to his size now. He wraps strong arms around my waist, pulling me so close it seems like he wants to coalesce into my very being.

Give me a number.

A demand that seems more like a plea. We hold each other. Unmoving as he is still buried deep inside me.

Maybe it is a little toxic to spiral into the addiction to fast money. Maybe I'm a little sick of pretending to be the perfect woman. Maybe it is a little exhausting to be a fantasy and nothing more. Maybe it is a little lonely when it's just me lying in bed, when I have to comfort others. Where's my comfort in all of this? Where's my happiness in all of this? No more fake smiles. No more fake orgasms. No more fake feelings. I don't care if he's lying. I want to indulge in delusion. Even for a moment.

Ok.

I give in. He leans over, placing me on my back before adjusting himself on top of me. Touches my face, his showing an emotion that is genuine and staggering. Devotion? It feels like it.

I could almost cry, the way he takes me like I'm his. The way he talks to me like I'm not someone he hired. That didn't matter anymore. I wasn't an escort to him. I was his girl. The sex was different. Transcendant. Divine. Did I know I wanted to be saved? Of course I didn't know; for the life of sin and suffering is simply a thing to toil in until you are shown salvation. Every time he came, he baptized me. I was born again in his eyes, I was perfect and clean. Absolved of my sins.

He looked at me with so much adoration. I looked up at him, much in the same way Magdalene did to her Redeemer. He had turned a prostitute into a Saint. The unshakeable feeling of deliverance washed over as he touched me, no longer a leper. I was saved by him. His body. His sweat. His seed. Akin to taking Communion. The closest to heaven we'll ever get.

[niuttuc]

My Favorite Cards of 2024: Murders at Karlov Manor

The year is pretty close to over, so let's go back over the sets released this year (with new cards at least), and go through a few of my favorite cards from that release. I'll group together stuff released together, in this case it'll be Murders at Karlov Manor, the Commander precons, and the Clue edition. I'll probably go through one set a day for the next week, though I might skip some days for personal reasons.

Cryptic Coat is a new twist on living weapons that feels really good to play with. While Duskmourn revisited the manifested auto-attach equipments a bit, this one has more gameplay to it by being an infinite mana sink, and the Ward 2 of cloaking makes it just a bit more fun. It also offers some interesting play patterns when you expect removal for it, as to when to activate it to bounce, and is great with blink effects, both to get more 2/2s by blinking the coat or blink the 2/2s to get the permanents hidden behind for free. The default rate of an unblockable 3/2 ward 2 for 3 is decent enough, and it doesn't feel too bad to play against either (outside of limited), there are points of interaction.

Aftermath Analyst is a new package for an effect we've seen rarely in the past, and good enough to spawn an entire deck in standard until rotation, while also being an excellent commander card for any green deck that has anything to do with the graveyard, or with lands. The main downside of World Shaper is that it never dies when you want it to, so putting the death fully into your hands makes the card feel so much better to play with.

Cases in general were pretty neat, but I'll single out these two because I've played with them quite a bit. Filched Falcon is relatively simple, but the low cost to entry and instant speed sac make it a powerful and tricky thing, always to keep in mind as a reason to keep up my mana. Crimson Pulse is a great way for aggressive red decks to go long, for matchups they can't close as fast as they'd want. Three cards a turn will end a game VERY quickly in red, and even the initial cast can be a divination when empty-handed.

I haven't played with Doppelgang much personally, but one has to respect a card with this much nonsense potential. The ability to target lands and your opponent's stuff turns this card from a narrow-hard to use card into something that will always impress and create unlikely scenarios, as long as you have the mana to put into it.

I love burninating people's boards, and Incinerator of the Guilty sure does that. It's easier to randomly have stuff in the graveyard than connect with a non-trampling Balefire Dragon, and you usually don't need that many hits to close out a game. Incinerator really loves haste but it replaced or joined Balefire in both my decks that were still playing it. And now that people have forgotten about it for new shinies, it's even available for about $0.50 while Balefire is still above $10 for some reason.

Is this design original? No, of course not, it's literally a copy paste of another card. But that other card is one of my favorite designs in the game, so it earns a spot here almost by default. Plus, it brought it back in standard.

Between the stellar art and buildaround potential, Insidious Roots decks have a pretty unique feel to them, not quite like other graveyard decks or other combo decks. Most forms of graveyard hate aren't even good against it if they trigger the roots, and the deck has been viable in a few places at points, which is quite the work from an uncommon.

I just like Gleaming Geardrake. Two artifacts for two mana, and a flying body that really loves random Treasures and other trinkets. It's won me many games, and was a bit slow in a bunch more, but it's just cute and neat.

Columbo closes it out with Final-Word Phantom. I generally like playing at instant-speed for trickiness, and only doing so during end steps is a fine way to make it less obnoxious while still retaining a good chunk of the utility. People no longer have to wait on you on every priority, just on end steps!

[puffyducks]

DCRC Week #27

Today we're reading PKNA #22: Fragments of Autumn and it's about to get CRAZY IN THIS BITCH!!! WHO UP FRAGMENTING THEY AUTUMN?!?!?

Ok so first of all shoutout to every single piece of cover art for this comic for being absolutely breathtaking. And also shoutout to Lyla for having eyes that get bigger and more haunting each time.

Uuh yeah she's gonna shoot the BAD GUY why the fuck did you jump in front of her 😭 Idiot

oh my god it's SLENDERMAN

Well he was a cop so 🤷‍♀️

friend and admirer 😏😏😏 (in a gay way)

OH NAW THEY SENT BABYGIRL TO THE UNITED NATIONS

I've said it before but I'll say it again: who the fuck calls into a meeting in this stance 😭 seriously is he sitting on the floor?

Oh GOD the Raider is rubbing off on him we're gonna have to put him down

Image that's relevant for 99% of conversation about Lyla Lay

NO HE ATE HERE!!! LEONARD, FUCKING KILL THAT GUY LIVE IN THE COURTROOM I BELIEVE IN YOU

So Odin is seen here in some type of hotel room with a bed in the background right? So my question is, does he actually use that? Can he sleep??? I mean Lyla said she has a sort of "sleep" mode where she has dreams, and Odin is technically more advanced than her so surely he needs to take breaks too right? These are incredibly important questions I need to know about his snoozer potential

Breaking and entering together, just like old times!!! ❤️

DID HE JUST CALL THEM CRACKERS

I like how much Donald is having fits of anger in this comic. Like yeah he's fucking everything up but it feels a lot closer to his usual character. Also I want him to kill.

"I'm going to do something Eidolon wouldn't approve of" YEAAHHH YEAH GO CRAZY GO STUPID

KILL HIM!!! KILL HIMMM THROW HIM OUT OF THE SHIP!!!! NOBODY WILL CARE IF HE DIES HE'S A POLITICIAN

Sorry maybe I shouldn't encourage PK every time he has violent fits but I think he should get to be a LITTLE homicidal. As a treat.

Soooo these panels are terrifying

Oh my GOD it was LEONARD VERTIGHEL ALL ALONG!!!!! (person who has totally not read this comic before and is definitely not pretending to be shocked)

"You don't know him" you shut your whore MOUTH. I mean not that Donald knows that he knows him well either BUT TECHNICALLY HE DOES.

Soooo instead of just making himself a robot wife that loved him from conception, he decided to make a bunch of pretty girl droid models, send them out in the world to develop their own personalities and memories, and THEN activate his secret little chip that would make them suddenly fall in love with him only AFTER they've become fully sentient beings with their own dreams and ambitions???........ EW

You just told us about your multi-year project to create someone to love you because none of the biological women met your "perfect" standards so... YEAH. You're an incel bro.

THE IMMENSE! THE UNIQUE! THE UNREACHABLE!!! A PRETTY GIRL IN A BIKINI WHO LOVES ME BACK

Odin please you can't just keep making vague references to your past with Donald I need them both to EXPLODE!!!!

Sooo that was Fragments of Autumn! (I'm not including anything here for the bonus comic cause I already hit the image limit, sorry to anyone that stans the Evron bonus comics or whatever.)

There was a LOT to soak in there between messages of love and autonomy and consent, but I mean HEYYY it sounds like Odin made some good deals for droid rights at the end there! So even if Lyla's big messy trial didn't amount to much, there's at least less of a chance that something like this will happen again in the future. Probably.

I'm sorry to Leonard Vertighel that he couldn't find the most perfectest woman ever to fall in love with him but also like, idk just get on Tinder or something bro. Go to the club.

I have a LOT of questions about Vertighel (specifically who this random fucking guy is and why Odin trusted him so much) but we're not ever gonna see him again in this series so for all intents and purposes we can just assume he burned to death in that lab fire. RIP bozo!!! Yes I know he's in PKNE but that's not relevant right now just let me have dreams

Coming up later this week: Crismus 🎄🎁🐻

[equestrianequivalent]

Upload Info + General Info

I've finished the first draft of QuintSum. I'm done. I told you, I said I would be, and I finally am! So, what now?

Well, the short answer is that I'm going to release it all on Ao3, but there's a few things to discuss related to that process, because that won't be done in a day either.

How will you release the fic?

I work on the chapters in batches. Now that I've basically committed to rewriting the whole thing, I essentially upload smaller batches of chapters more often. They often get released either on their own, or in pairs. You can see the current plans in the description on Ao3.

Often this depends on how long the chapters will get, or how much work I'll have to put into reworking them, but it also depends on which chapters I like to have out together, since a lot of them work especially well in pairs. Or, in particular, work less as standalones. (Usually because they're in-between transition chapters with less cool plot stuff.)

So there will be 15 groups of chapters I work on in total (see the picture above for which I'm currently on), with differing amounts of chapters within those batches. And as you might be able to tell, I'm currently refining how to do this on the fly, since I am always, somehow, managing to get even crazier in terms of length and complexity.

There is always a chance that I will split up the arcs more, because, I don't know if you've noticed, but the second draft is already getting ridiculously long, and these chapters sometimes take me multiple days to get through. I'm a full-time university student currently getting a bachelors, and I'm at least planning on getting a masters going as well, sometimes I just do not have the time to write as much as I really would like to.

How long is this fic?

135 chapters. And the wordcount of the first draft ended up at 280k words. It will probably be a little more on Ao3 because I always add stuff when I revise. So far I'm 100% on track to double the final draft, but don't hold me to that. I'm personally assuming it'll be somewhere between 350-450k words. All my friends think it will be longer. We'll find out who is in the right once it is done. Point is that while I never intended to set the record for the longest fic sorted by word count on Ao3, well, right now it sure is looking like I will do just that. By a lot.

(And don't let the low chapter count fool you, the wordcount goes haywire sooner than you think. The chapters currently average around 4-6k.)

What is important to keep in mind?

Read the tags. I have consistently talked on my main about how the biggest goal of QuintSum has been to "make Elizabeth's death worth it". Third-party sources would agree that I have done just that.

In fact, my friends would all claim I've managed to write a by-the-books tragedy. Do with that what you will. Other than that, you can expect pretty standard things from the game. And a few near-death experiences here and there. I will say tho, remember that I rate this story T, that rating speaks louder than Most of the tags. The tags aren't lying, but the severity of it is dictated more than anything by the rating.

Anything else?

Tell @jorvikzelda that you love him because he's the entire reason that I started, nevertheless finished this fuckass fic of mine. Stay tuned for the release, boys, we fucking made it.

(If you want some sporadic updates because I can't shut up, I'm always yappin over at @shiroselia and otherwise you can find me at Ao3 as per usual)

Cheers!

[garaksapprentice]

Review: the Daedalus Falcon e-spinner

Originally posted on my blog: https://garaksapprentice.blogspot.com/2023/09/review-daedalus-falcon-e-spinner.html

(There's a ton of photos in this one and much as I love you all, I cannot brain moving them all over here. So if you want all the pics, please check the blog.)

I confess, this is a departure from my usual "let's do things with the least amount of money we can get away with" style. In my defence, I strive to be frugal rather than cheap. I don't mind spending the money to get a good quality, durable product, if it's something I know will get a lot of use. An e-spinner definitely fits that category for me, for several reasons.

One, I fall well on the frog hair end of the spinning spectrum, something most traditional wheels just aren't designed to accommodate. I actually found it faster (and easier on my legs) to use a spindle for the kinds of fine, high-twist yarns I prefer to spin. But, there are limits to how fine I can comfortably go on a spindle - anything past about 50 WPI and I have to concentrate just on the spinning. Not good when you typically use a spindle on the go.

Two, I have a lingering knee injury that doesn't like the treadle action of most spinning wheels (something I find hilariously frustrating given I ride a cargo bike anywhere I can't take the train).

Three, I spin mostly to weave. Much as I love spinning, I like it to end eventually so I can move onto the weaving part of the equation.

After three straight months of research, the Daedalus Falcon came out as the hands-down winner for my goals of speed, fine yarn, and product durability.

Why Daedalus?

Daedalus manufacture high-end e-spinners and spinning accessories. All their products are designed to need little to no maintenance, and to last 20+ years - they're seriously well put together.

They make five different e-spinners to suit just about any spinning preference, from super bulky art yarn to ultra fine frog hair. The Falcon is specifically designed for production spinning of fine yarns - it can reach speeds of 4,200 RPM, over twice what I could get from my Ashford Traditional wheel.

Ordering

I'll be honest, I spent a long time thinking about which model, and whether to order a Daedalus at all. These beauties are high-performance machines built to last. But, that means they come with the price tag of a high-performance machine. Plus currency exchange. Plus postage. (Yikes.) In all, I spent just under AU$2,000 on my Falcon set-up (I ordered three extra bobbins at US$90 and some yarn control cards for US$24).

At the time I ordered (November 2022), there was an estimated wait time of 12 months or more. Luckily for me, if not my bank account, Daedalus expanded their production capacity over the 2022 Christmas break. I reached the front of the Falcon queue in June 2023 (seven months from sign-up). At the time of writing (September 2023) there is no queue for the Falcon, and the Daedalus team are working to banish their waitlists completely.

The package

My Falcon came party disassembled, cradled in bubble wrap. (I wasn't thinking about writing a review when I ordered it, so I didn't take pictures.) The flyer assembly was individually wrapped for transport, as were the speed controller, inverter, cables, and welcome pack/spares bag.

The inverter is a standard laptop style pack. It comes with a US-ended jug plug, but that's easy to change out for whatever your local plug end is. I dove into my box of spare cables and leads and had a compatible jug plug in less than two minutes. If you don't have a box of old computer cords lying around, what century did you time travel from plan ahead and buy a new one.

Importantly, the inverter outputs 15 volts! Make absolutely sure that you've got the right one when you go to spin! Most laptops nowadays run on 20 volts - you don't want to damage the motor by running it faster than it's designed for.

{pic on blog}

The extension cable for the speed controller, and the power end on the motor itself, is some non-standard end that I've never seen before. (It's probably very common among people who know things about electronics; I'm not one of them.) It's similar to USB-A connectors in that the ends are directional; if you don't get them the right way up, they won't connect. The cord itself has a protective, braided outer and feels very sturdy.

From top to bottom: the outside of both ends, the female end, and the male end.

The Instructions

The guidebook (also available as a PDF on their website) is beautifully designed, and clearly written. The parts diagrams are clearly photographed and labelled. I've found the instructions easy to follow, even with a scattered brain.

It includes:

getting started

fine tuning the tension

how to use the speed controller

a page of "handy tips"

how to change the bobbin

an RPM speed table

changing settings in the speed controller menu

maintenance

flat packing for travel

the Daedalus battery (purchased separately)

Daedalus' social media and contact details

The first page has a QR code that takes you directly to the Daedalus YouTube channel, where you can find videos on how to assemble and disassemble each model. My one quibble here is that the QR code takes you to the channel as a whole, rather than to the specific playlist for the model you bought. The videos themselves are short, to the point, and well shot with clear lighting and narration.

Also, the manual states that the speed controller has been limited to 50% max speed in the settings - mine wasn't. I've seen other folks on social media also say their controller wasn't speed limited for this model, so it's something to watch out for.

About that battery

Daedalus offer a battery bank that's designed to work with all their e-spinners (yay!). Unfortunately, due to issues with postage, they don't mail them outside the continental US (boo!).

While their website does say that they'll help you find a compatible battery that you can purchase in your country, this is complicated by the part where all their stuff runs on 15 volts. In Australia at least, 15v battery banks with a standard laptop cable input simply don't exist. I spent six weeks trying to find somewhere to buy a battery - I eventually gave up due to my brain frying any time I tried to look at listings.

While I'd like the option of a battery eventually (it would be much easier to set up in the back yard that way), for now I've made peace with needing to lug extension cords anywhere I want to spin.

Spinning Experience

So far I've only spun commercially prepared wools, so this won't be a thorough review of the Falcon's performance over a variety of fibres and preps. (I'll attempt that later, when I get the chance. And finer wool cards.)

Noise

It's quiet. Really quiet. At least two people at every guild meeting I've taken it to have commented on how quiet it is. Most of the noise comes from the flyer rotation, and considerably less from the motor. I'm quite sensitive to noise, especially higher pitches, so I was concerned about this. Luckily it hasn't been an issue. (If you're the sort of person who can hear electricity, it may bother you. I've lost that mysterious ability as I've aged, for the most part, so I can't say for sure.)

I have noticed that the noise changes/gets louder at speeds above about 70% - again, this is simply due to the fact that the flyer is turning at ~3,000+ RPM. At worst I have to turn the laptop up slightly to better hear the video I have playing. The breeze off the flyer sure helps with air circulation on a warm day, too.

Threading

The size of the hooks (loops, really) and the inner part of the orifice make threading a breeze. I do occasionally struggle with very fine, high twist threads, especially when I'm rethreading after a break. That's partly finding the right angle to hold the thread at so that it catches in the hook, and partly my fingers not always co-operating.This is the position I find works best for threading the orifice.

I wouldn't want to try it with a non-Daedalus orifice hook, though - there's quite a bend in the hook, and it's there for good reason. Luckily the Falcon body has magnets on it to always keep your hook nearby.

The magnets + hook combo is great for holding the end of the thread when you're not spinning, too. I just wrap it around the middle of the hook a few times and stick it back on the magnets.

Take-up and tensioning

The take-up is wonderfully light, and can be ridiculously fine-tuned to match what you're spinning. When take-up drops below an acceptable level (once or twice per layer of bobbin filling), a tiny adjustment (less than a quarter turn) is usually enough to get things back on track.

I've filled four part-bobbins so far (two I'm still working on, one I ran out of fibre), at ~65 WPI, 45 WPI, and ~85 WPI. On each empty bobbin, I started with the spring completely compressed and the cord just barely tight/without slack. It took a few minutes of trial and error with each fibre to dial in the correct tension, but once I did, it was basically hassle-free for each spinning session thereafter.

That being said - I found correct tensioning quite tricky to dial in at first, because the hook and dial had shifted on their arms during shipping. If you put your wheel in something to travel with and find the tension is all screwy next time you go to spin, that's something to look at.

This circumstance isn't covered in the guide book, so it took me a while to work out why my "maximum tension" on the dial still wasn't enough to draw on the yarn I was spinning (it only became apparent about a third into the bobbin). Once I realised that the tension dial had rotated on the shaft in transport, I was able to reset it by simply rotating it back to a more vertical position.

{pic on blog}

This is an extreme example, but both the tension dial and the spring hook opposite it can rotate like this if you're not careful.

Starting/Stopping

At first I didn't think I'd need the foot pedal extension cord - surely I'd just be able to bop the controller on and off with my hand while I was spinning?

I was quickly disabused of this notion partway through my second bobbin. When things go wrong while spinning a 60 WPI single at 2,500 RPM, they go wrong fast. Being able to turn the Falcon off with my foot, while frantically trying to salvage whatever's gone wrong, is essential.

A really nice bonus to the foot pedal is that I'm not stuck in one position while spinning - I can sit, stand, rock from side to side, even crouch or kneel. I have back and shoulder problems and an old knee injury, so being able to freely change posture is a godsend for keeping my muscles happy.

And the soft stop/start - oh. my. Dog. I did not realise how much nicer my wheel spinning life could be. A soft stop is built in to spindle spinning by default, and I genuinely didn't realise how much I missed that on a wheel until I started spinning on the Falcon. I sing its praises whenever the thread breaks - the end stays loose and easy to find on top of the bobbin. No matter how gently I tried to stop my treadle wheel, more often than not the thread end would be buried somewhere in the hills and valleys on the bobbin, and there would be much swearing during retrieval.

Bobbin size

Daedalus advertises the Falcon bobbin as holding "two ounces (60 g) of 30 WPI singles". After plying a couple of bobbins of sock yarn with it, I would call this a conservative estimate. I managed to fit 70g of a 32 WPI, two-ply yarn on one bobbin - and it wasn't even well packed!

I've included a couple of in-progress bobbin shots, and what the singles on them currently measure/weight, below. None of them are even close to full, unfortunately - this is the order I spun them in, and right now I need to concentrate on the last one since it's due by December.

{pics on blog}

Sliver from Bendigo Woollen Mills. ~75 WPI, 31g. 19.5 micron merino top from Nundle Farms. ~82 WPI, 29g.  Handpainted 20 micron merino from Kathy's Fibres, ~82 WPI, 12g.

Final thoughts

This powerhouse is not for everyone. It's made for a specific purpose, and it fulfils that purpose beautifully. But it would probably suck at doing things it's not designed for.

While I'm sure you could spin 20 WPI or even 10 WPI singles with it, it won't do the job as well as an e-spinner designed for that. The other Daedalus offerings are worth a look, if you're not as into spinning frog hair as me.

But if you have a deep, abiding love for spinning lace-weight and finer yarns, this is an e-spinner worth looking at. Expensive though it was, it's one of the best fibre-related purchases I've made. (It easily beats the sewing machine and the overlocker combined.)

I'm definitely an outlier here - I have the not-at-all-typical goal of one day having a completely hand-spun, handwoven, and hand-sewn wardrobe. As such, production spinning is my jam - I want fine, high-twist yarns, that commercial mills simply can't replicate. And I want them as fast as my skills will let me go. With that in mind, the Falcon makes complete sense for my spinning goals.

Obligatory disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with Daedalus, and this post isn't sponsored (not that I'm against that, mind. This apprentice has to eat). All opinions are my own.

[muninnhuginn]

76, 83, 88!!!

Thanks for the ask! I may have tangented slightly as usual, apologies

76. what's your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

I'm getting deja vu with this one weirdly. Maybe I answered a similar ask years ago or something. Anyway, the answer is salt and pepper chips (<- chips in the British sense, to be clear) followed by thick cut chips. These:

83. writing or drawing?

Oof, this is something where my answer isn't clear-cut at all. My motivation for either sucks, but I'm more likely to get myself to draw something (usually for a secret santa or the rare occasion a series inspires me enough) on average, once every few months. (I used to just doodle on anything back on school so I can draw very specific things like idk eyes and noses and water bottles? Whilst anything outside of the specific things I drew over and again back then, the quality is... questionable. Especially cats. I'm awful at drawing cats, or at least when I last tried I was) Writing meanwhile I usually get the motivation every few *years* so I definitely do a lot less of it. I'm pretty sure I'm better at *editing* writing than I am drawing or writing, but that's not the question, really. I think I can pull out the occasional poetic line, something that just clicks, and I'm always really proud of myself when I get a phrasing like that. But you can't say that that's all it is. Far from it. You have to get from A to C still, and the thing is, I get demotivated super easily, so. Both drawing and writing are skills that require time and dedication put into them if you want to get to be good. And I know that that's not why everyone wants to do them, but personally, I *do* want to be good at them and I fall far below the standard I'd like to be. I'm probably closer to where I want to be writing-wise than I am drawing-wise, but I only manage that by keeping things as short as possible so that I don't run out of steam. Still, overall, I'll say "writing", I guess.

88. your greatest wish?

This feels like I'm cheating because it's so broad, but I wish that when people say "things will get better" it would actually be true.

[line-of-fire]

SHIPPING INFO — ♥ answer the following for your muses so people know how shipping works on your blog !!

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

I honestly don't know if I can properly answer this considering I write ocs here? As far as my personal writing goes, because even counting rp that's the only thing that I can really go off of, I've started to love Pixie x Sommer, specifically in the 'standard' verse as well as their Omega variants in their Val verse. I'm huge on multi-shipping, even with my own characters, so truthfully an 'all time fav' is difficult to name.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

It kind of just depends? Anything more than 8 years will have me looking at things a little more closely, but it's muse + situation dependent, and my 'tolerable age gap range' varies depending on the age of the younger muse. General rule of thumb? 4-5 years for muses between the ages of 18-25; then the 8 year rule for muses older. But I also acknowledge experience and maturity is a critical factor in these sorts of things so... case by case basis at the end of the day.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?

i think a combination of ' the bikini rule ' and intent should be considered . ' the bikini rule ' covers , metaphorically , touches anywhere a bikini covers , so once touches start to be focused in those areas with sexual intent , i ' d start considering that nsfw . touching someone ' s butt as flirtation is nsfw , while jokingly patting someone ' s butt is more friendly , but still suggestive ? goodness knows i ' ve reached over and bopped a friend in the tit as a joke , with no sexual intent behind the move .

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

I'd like to think not? When it comes down to it, I tend to let my muses take the wheel with shipping, and I'm typically open to it provided there's chemistry and past interactions to go off of. Heavy emphasis on established chemistry prior to bringing up shipping because in all honesty, I'm a little paranoid about accidentally forcing ships/writing my own characters ooc for the sake of one

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

As far as ocxoc ships go... Like I said earlier, Pixie/Sommer has got me in a chokehold lately... And as far as other, 'non-official' ships go with Pix and other ocs; gotta love going for Brook,

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

Hard yes, without a doubt, both for my own personal comfort and for the sake of future interactions and the like. Very few of the muses I write here are 'easy to ship' for varying reasons, the most common being severe trust issues + emotional self isolation due to trauma and other factors. Some, like Wolf, Sommer and Phoenix, are violent and abrasive as a primary response. To put it simply; most don't play nice.

ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

I kind of just go with the flow? With writing and rp, I have the philosophy of thinking of threads and stories as a vehicle out on the freeway, and while technically we're the ones in the drivers seat at first, these characters we breath life into have free rein to take control of the wheel at any time on a whim, and sometimes you get kicked out of the car entirely and lose control. I love ships, don't get me wrong, but if it happens, sweet; and if it doesn't, I can live with that, sometimes ships aren't meant to happen .

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

None I'll admit to I'm a secret fan of König/Stiletto in cod and spitfire in animated young justice.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

Just have a thread or two with me then shoot me a dm if you think there's potential for something! I promise I'm chill, I'm just awful about reaching out first (yay for communication related nerves), but trust me, if you think there's Something There, more often than not I'll be all for it. I'm usually good about checking my tumblr ims, but I've got discord too I'll share if you want- I'm usually lurking there anyways and sometimes you can catch what I'm listening to there as well

tagged by stolen from : @toxichem tagging : just steal it lmfao

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I’m black and American so to me JK doesn’t have generic vocals. Personally he’s gonna out sing a lot of people. JK and Jimin have the best vocals out the vocal line but JK is a stronger singer. Sounding like the singer is not a bad thing because it actually shows his musical hear is crazy good. Jimin and JK can run and riff. Do you know how hard it is to do? There’s so many notes in one run. I know you and anons are upset about what’s happening with Jimin but JK is actually a great singer. Jimin could be even better if he would work with a vocal coach that could harness his unique voice. I love his lower register and I wish he’d use it more. He’s getting older and that higher register will be unsustainable. Also, from western eyes I don’t see JK as a “super straight” male. Like Jimin I see JK has both feminine and masculine traits.

I'd like to first make some points clear:

I never said Jungkook is not a good singer. I wouldn't call anyone in BTS a "great" singer tho; just good is okay. I also think JK has had some bad vocal moments especially after 2019. I haven't felt he's as strong as a singer as he used to be; stronger than Jimin yeah, maybe, but imo he used to sound better. His vocal chords seem to have thinned lately, I don't know if that makes sense. It could be because of the way they have been made to sing these past years. I did talk once about his voice in BTS early albums.

I also think that Jimin's chords are just thinner than they normally are for males and frailer (if you could call them that?) and there's really nothing he can do about it. He's been practicing a lot, tho, according to what he's said. However, his tone, the one he usually sings in is very distinctive and my guess is that he wants to utilize it precisely because it's different.

There's so many people in music, trying to make a living of it and you'd see that most are after that distinct sound, distinct look or vibe that would make the public pay attention to them. There's already so much of the same so like even female rappers in the US are trying to put their personal touch into their work so it'd be something new. BTS had that too, they stood out because they brought something new to the idol scene. I truly believe Jimin (and everyone who works with him) acknowledges Jimin's tone as an advantage, and something that works on his favor. So that's why maybe he doesn't use that much his lower register, besides of course the fact that the music he's doing fits a lighter tone better than a more full, lower one.

On the other hand, I don't mean basic as an insult. Ya'll know how much I love Taylor but I can still acknowledge she's not the greatest vocalist and that doesn't mean I like her music any less. I like her music because of so many other factors, and even if she's not Whitney Houston, she still sounds good and if I want to hear someone belting or doing riffs and runs, I'll just listen to someone else. Even if Taylor's voice is pretty basic and just nice, she's still so loved and successful. Likewise, even if I think Jungkook's tone is pretty standard and could be found elsewhere, he also has other stuff that make him distinctive. If he incorporates choreo, dancing, into his solos (which he most likely will) that's a point to his favor.

I see this especially in kths but it seems that so many people want to be a fan of someone because they're the greatest this or that. It's really become a matter of ego for fans, to be regarded as a fan of the most- the greatest- the best-. You can like simple, regular, average stuff/people and it doesn't take away any value from it.

I can't stand hypocrisy/double standards and lies. I can't. So when I rant about the hate Jimin gets, that's mostly what I rant about. I don't care a lot about people saying Jimin sounds bad because it doesn't change anything for me. I care that he won't see it, or be discouraged or embarrassed by it, but I don't take it so personally. I love how he sounds and I think he sings really well. I'm not in this because I want to go online and read "Jimin is the greatest singer that has ever lived". He sounds different, we know. Some take different as a drag. Others take basic/generic as a drag. The point is that neither are bad; they're just two different characteristics that coexist in the universe. Jungkook's voice being generic might get him opportunities that Jimin's voice wouldn't get him, and viceversa.

As for the masculinity/femininity part, I just have never seen Jungkook as anything other than masculine, his gender expression and even the way he seems to develop his personal relationships has always been so man to me. And if you compare it to Jimin (which was the reason it was brought up, the marketability), I think that it becomes a bit more obvious who's more "masculine" or "het".

[pro-anomalocaris]

"That's it?" I asked excitedly. "That's all the weaknesses?"

"Er, yes?" the fairy asked, squinting at me as if that were a weird response.

"And you're not going to break any of my bones, or call me slurs, or tell me I should kill myself, or set my stuff on fire, or make deepfakes of me being murdered?" I was hyped.

The fairy was now visibly uncomfortable. "Do... do people do those things to you?"

"Only sometimes. Actually, this is the best school I've been to. Usually they don't steal my lunch money here, so I get to eat. Plus, none of the teachers have told me I deserve it, they just pretend not to see it, which is a lot less stressful." I smiled, trying to be optimistic. "It's way nicer of a place than before. I've only been crammed in a locker overnight once so far, and that's this time."

"Human... I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

"Joseph. Or Joe, if you want. Either is fine. At my last school, people liked to put tacks on my chair so I'd jump up and they could say, 'jumpin' josophat' like in old cartoons."

They took a deep breath. "Human Joseph. You are not deserving of this, regardless of what your old teachers told you."

"Aw. Thanks, man." I frowned, noticing the fairy's tiny, clenched fists. "Oh, crap, did I upset you? I'm so sorry, man. Er, fae. I didn't mean to. Can I get you something once you get me out of here? Some snacks, something to drink from the vending machine, maybe?"

"I think perhaps you should tell your family about this." The fairy looked at me closely. "They need to know of such things."

"Um." I bit my lip, awkwardly. "I don't really have that, so... I'm sorry. I feel like I'm being a jerk turning down all your totally reasonable suggestions. I'm not trying to be rude. And your ideas are good, I promise."

"...human Joseph, would you like to see the Fairy Realm?" they asked thoughtfully, looking at me in a way I couldn't quite read. "We can be a bit rude, by the standards of your people, but perhaps you might enjoy a rest there."

I paused. The no-lying thing that had taken effect was hard to get used to. "I don't want to bother you. I already feel like I'm kind of a burden, making you do magic to get me out of here. And I haven't done anything to pay you back. It's not fair."

They smiled at me. "Oh, gentle human. I need not one thing more. Come, little one, let us see what refreshments back home might be to your liking."

"I'll pay you back," I promised earnestly. "Do fairies like human clothes? I like to sew. I could make you something. Oh! I can knit, too."

All I heard was a chuckling as the world around me shifted, and the locker's cold metal walls faded away.

Some bullies shoved you into a locker the other week, and you made a deal with a fairy, your humanity for your freedom. Now you have an allergy to cold iron and an inability to lie.

[the-firebird69]

I'm a punisher and I look like Eddie Brock and he's not Brock Lesnar no. I'm a smaller guy and I said that this role of punishers for smaller people too. This guy is not really huge but he is about 5'7. And he's got some muscles but her friend says I'd be bigger and more imposing there isn't really a punisher that would look that big. This is probably what the punisher looks like under the jacket and it is now all of them actually are just men who are in shape and have skill. We feel that at the 18 and a half inches or 19 in his type of arm makes him look like Schwarzenegger for real he looks a lot bigger than people of ours with 19 inch arms and he would look very imposing but that's not the problem. The problem is the character and he walked around with a shirt and says I didn't notice and people did and I remember them saying stuff almost to him so he's just like walking around didn't hear anything. Those idiocy but he wasn't saying anything about it and it wasn't a huge skull but still I heard comments that were horrible and still the same people saying it and they don't want to wear it and so he stopped wearing it because Ken was with him and they thought he threatened to have Ken walk around with him so that's my take and he says wow that's bad usually people who are punisher wanted so I can show up and try and do things and I do want to do that but no it would make it impossible for me later on too in the role

The punisher and he's going to put my pickup in a minute

Olympus

It's kind of like this I'm talking he wants me to say stuff no I did but he says I'm talking so okay. This costume is pretty good it would fit our son very well the pants and boots he can do the shirt he has and he can stuff it inside the shirt and it would look good and it could get a belt and it would cost nothing and he could wear it even his carpenter pants and people will say no and we're starting to agree in public it's a different deal and he'd be a big fella and it would not come off right

Thor Freya

My version would be trouble so now we're seeing what we're doing we're doing a job and we do it every day this is hard but he says it keeps your brain in shape and if you don't get in all these fights and we keep getting in fights and it's wrong we're not fighting over things that are so easy okay. This is tough work and I did some with the bike and BG and it's tough but Trump is involved so it's actually better. Now probably have a fight but I'll tell you what this is terrible we can't afford to. In our areas that we have something similar and it's less expensive to make but it's light and small tires and he can make it a scooter and makes a lot of damn sense it just doesn't fold and it's a standard design is really cool and it's a great idea of his and it worked. But I don't recommend it he does this I have a punisher character but I don't think that he would be able to pull it off and he'd be there for a few minutes literally then spit him right out of there and they have an idea that bane would work he doesn't want to do the one I do and it's too small to do the other one sort of and they say it won't be ready for the first one until 6 months later or something 4 months later but when someone of his race has 18 inch arms or 18 and a half they look gigantic so I'm going to try and see if I can show him that

Tommy f

Okay Ken our ideas ruined you can't be the fat clown

Zues hehe yeh you saying to see how my arms are big and my husband says yeah they're fat Hera

Don't call me that you little jerk please call me fatty he's calling me fat Freddy okay she's saying please all right this is great it's fatty and I don't want to be called that but I am a fatty and it would have been fun being the clown since he'd be a little taller like that one inch and people would say it all night but now this is not a fun costume being a clown is no fun either

Ken

Olympus

[littleapocalypsekitten]

Saw a thread that got me thinking about my opinions on American high-office political candidates this year. Un-tagged because I really don't want to get into arguments with people, also reblogs turned off. I don't need the stress, but still want to get this off my chest. So, putting aside various senators and representatives, who do we have as main choices for President this year in the U.S. election? Genocide Joe, Wannabe Hitler-Orange and Captain Brainworms. None of them are great choices. Here is how I see it and what is influencing my decision / relative support on the matter: Genocide Joe - is acting in regards to Israel / Gaza in the usual way that American Presidents act. The U.S. is Israel's ally and there's not only a lot of cultural capital tied up between the two nations and a whole entire history, there's the whole "this is an ally in the Middle East." Israel pretty much does what it wants in a similar manner as Saudi Arabia does. Our government is never going to do anything more than a hand-wringing for fear of destabilising the region, losing sweet, sweet oil, etc. At least Joe *is* doing the hand-wringing part. (We're sending weapons and money, but at least Joe is wagging his finger about it and trying to bring negotiations to the table). It is not perfect, it's not even GOOD, but it is to be expected. Wannabe Hitler-Orange (Trump) - openly wants to turn Gaza into a radioactive parking lot. Captain Brainworms probably wouldn't even know what he was doing. He just wants to make vaccines illegal or something. Sitting things out? Wannabe Hitler-Orange may just win by that and bring multiple genocides home. He's already responsible for the loss of guaranteed rights for people in the U.S. with uteri. Joe, Sleepy Joe, Jo Bob, Bob Joe - actually has tried to push ease and eliminations of student debt through. Got infrastructure through. Capped the for-profit charging for certain medications that are VERY important to my family and have suddenly become important to me (I was diagnosed with diabetes yesterday). He's done a lot of the "usual Democrat things" but also some progressive things. Not progressive enough, but no one is. Maybe in 2050 we'll get someone actually progressive by today's standards (and backwards by 2050 standards). He's at least trying to hold the tide back, just a little. Wannabe Hitler-Orange - during his administration his people were trying to dissuade him from nuking hurricanes. He was separating children from their parents at the southern border in a policy whereby The Cruelty is the Point (not that Biden's border-stuff doesn't suck, too, but at least it's not the blatant deliberate cruelty that loses children). And, just in case people have forgotten because the disease and isolation caused a lot of PTSD and brain-fog: We. Were. Stacking. Bodies. Like. Cordwood! The pandemic was no one's fault, but the Rotten Orange's handling of it caused about one million more deaths than necessary / if he had handled it like a normal President. He gave the worst people in our society license to hate and there's been an uptick in hate-crimes across the board. Vaccines were created under his administration, but Biden's administration actually did the widespread rollout. Trump-loyalists in red states tried to fuck with it and limit the rollout because, because Q-Anon 5-G zombies or something. Captain Brainworms - I honestly think that people in the Trump campaign hired him to be a spoiler to snatch votes way from Biden and he's backfiring. He's a full-blown conspiracy-nut. Ugh. So, yeah, if I get to vote this year, I'm voting for the lesser of evils. Perhaps it means I have some blood in my hands, but I feel like I'll have it no matter what I do, so I might as well try for a little less blood, and not the blood of myself and my family. (You call me someone ready to support war-crimes over my own suicide if you will).

[ninlilwinds]

hey if ur taking requests i read ur anemic reader post and liked it very much so could i request an anemic reader with lisa and ei? sorry bc english isn't my first language and thank youu

Anemic Reader x Genshin characters

No need to apologize the request was clear and understood. I hope I did this right. Sorry about replying so late as well I left this in my drafts and completely forgot! >_< So sorry!!

Same as with the other one I didn't specify the condition, but it does have characteristic of anemia.

Also, very sorry for this being pretty short. Lately my writing has been going down the hill.

Plot: Reader with special condition being comforted by character

Character: Lisa, Raiden Ei

Warning Not proofread, if any mistakes are found please let me know. Also, I this can be read as platonic (by my standards). Also, there is mentions of injury and blood if that trigger anyone, it might be best to not read. It's nothing serious, but just in case.

Lisa

Lisa had noted symptoms for your condition before you had even told her yourself of what you had. She is very knowledgeable in all subjects and medicine is not excluded from that.

Because of this she never really pressed on it, but she did make anything you did around her a bit easier. Like today when you were helping her organize the library.

"Are you still up for more organizing cutie?" LIsa smiled, her pile of books mostly gone whereas you struggled to put one of the books on your still large piles on the top shelf.

She walked over and grabbed it from you, setting it aside, "We can use the ladder later." she assured you.

You huffed, tired from doing this all day, but still wanting to help the lovely Lisa.

"I'll finish my pile eventually, I promise. I'm just a bit tired." You assured it was nothing.

Lisa nodded, "You can finish later. How about we go for lunch." She suggested and you agreed to it.

As you gathered your stuff and headed out the door, Lisa kept close. Since you were tired from your previous work at the library of carrying heavy book and going up and down ladders, she wasn't sure your body could take much more. Truthfully, she had much more to do around Monstadt and the city, but she knew you'd try to tag along so your next day off she'd do the long-distance things.

As you both ate and conversed, Lisa kept monitoring your condition closely, which honestly made you flustered. You assumed Lisa knew something of what was going on, but near asked her about it.

"After this, how about we call it a day, hm? I'm feeling rather tired." She said fanning herself.

"But I still have the things to finish up and the library. You can go ahead; I'll finish it up." You spoke.

She wasn't quite sure if she should let you go, but it wasn't as if you were completely helpless, and she didn't want to make you feel less, so she nodded, "Don't work too hard."

And with that you both parted ways for the day. Lisa went home and you back to the library.

You were already exhausted, but you didn't want to let Lisa down after all the help she's given you. So, you pushed on and continued to sort the books. Walking around the library countless times, pushing through the fatigue you felt. You vision was already crossing and doubled and the ground beneath you swayed, but you only had five books to sort.

Just as you were on your last two, dizziness overcame you and you fell from the ladder down to the floor. You had hit your head on the corner of one of the tables and it had started to bleed beneath you.

Your consciousness slowly faded, and the darkness greeted you with a cold embrace.

You don't know how or when, but when you woke up you were in one of the rooms from the cathedral. Barbara and Lisa were talking with each other near the doorway when your head turned towards them.

When Barbara saw you awake, she asked a few basic questions on how you felt and then stepped outside.

Lisa had a calm smile in her features, but she looked more tired than usual in the way she carried herself, "You had me worried there my little cutie. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, mostly." you said, rubbing your head.

She couldn't resist giving you a tight hug, "Be more careful next time." She said.

Things resumed to normal after that, and she kept looking after you from afar.

Ei

She never truly understood sicknesses and such. Humans were so fragile that something like this could hinder their performance. But, nevertheless, she cared a lot about you and made sure you were always in tip top shape.

From calling in doctors, to having security on you all the time, she would make sure you were safe at all times. And whenever possible she would be with you as well.

Truthfully you were quite frustrated at your limitations sometimes, for example, when Ei had long trips, you could not go to because of how easily you could get sick Tred or hurt.

So, this upcoming trip that Ei had to the shrine to make sure everything is running smoothly, you were upset about.

You said goodbye to Ei and watched as her carriage with the escorts left the palace gates. You tried to keep yourself distracted and it had been successful until the third day.

On that day something urgent was happening and they were trying to find the messenger to deliver a message to the Raiden so she could decide how to deal with it.

You offered yourself up and they handed you the letter and you set off. Although you didn't run the whole way your pace was fast. You stopped here and there for a necessary rest but pushed through most of your fatigue until you made it to the top of the mountain, where you spotted Ei.

"(Y/n)? What are you doing here?" She was very much confused and concerned. Your skin was pale and when he grabbed ur arm to help you maintain your support they were ice cold, something she knew wasn't characteristic of humans.

You panted and sank down to the floor, holding the letter out to her. Because the climb was the last stretch you didn't take a break, and your vision was dimming, the world turning.

She set the letter aside. At the moment, you were her top priority.

After you had been settled in a more comfortable area, she looked down at you concerned, "Are you alone?"

You nodded, a bit embarrassed.

"(Y/n), you know you can do things like this. You have to take better care of yourself, please." she said. You sighed and nodded, muttering a quite ok.

She sat next to you and stayed with you until you were good enough for the trip ahead. Turns out the matter wasn't too urgent.

After you had regained part of your strength you both left together, and she kept double the security on you when you came back.

[wanderinginksplot]

One-Shot: Sev + Motto

Sev x gn!reader fic, features the rest of Delta Squad as supporting characters.

Word Count: 1400 or so

Warnings: reader receives minor injuries (burns) on a mission

---

"Play di’kutla games, win di’kutla prizes."

If you had heard Sev say it once, you had heard him say it a thousand times.

Working with Delta Squad was normally fine. Honestly, it was outright entertaining on a regular basis. As an expert in untraceable comms, you were often partnered with commando squads. Infiltrating enemy planets was a norm in your job, and you made sure the squads could communicate with each other and nearby GAR ships regardless of which side controlled the planetside communications systems.

Delta was one of your favorite groups. Fixer was direct and to-the-point, efficient beyond all else. Scorch was side-splittingly funny, even in the middle of an intense battle. Sev was funny as well, though his humor was darker and full of wickedly clever observations. Boss was a natural leader, and he never felt the need to throw his authority around to make a point. More importantly, Delta Squad accepted you as one of their own, and your work with them was seamless in a way it wasn’t among other commando squads.

Of course, that also meant that you were subject to the same treatment as any other member of Delta Squad.

“Watch your fingers!” Fixer warned. “Heat gloves are standard issue for a reason.”

“Does it look like I have time to put on gloves?” you demanded. “Focus on covering me, and I’ll get this done.”

Two minutes, forty-seven seconds later, you had finished setting up the tower and taken a major step toward establishing communications on the Separatist-controlled planet. You would never admit it to Fixer, but you had thoroughly burnt several of your fingers on the superheated durasteel of the communication diverter’s inner core.

Crawling back through the brush to avoid enemy detection was awful. It may not have been so bad, but the burns were scattered across both of your hands and they were already beginning to blister.

You made it back in good time, despite the injuries you were trying to hide. Boss and Scorch had been the other team, going to plant detonators in the appropriate spots. Despite the comparative complexity of your task, you and Fixer were the first ones back. Sev was there to greet you, scowling at the pair of you.

“Took you long enough,” he grumbled.

“Excuse me, are we not the first team to finish?” you asked, satisfaction clear in your voice.

“Yeah, but if you had been faster, we would have an update on Boss and Scorch by now,” Sev countered. “You know how Scorch gets around too many thermal dets. He may have blown himself up by now and we missed it.”

“Considering how many detonators he had, I’m sure we would have seen the explosion from here,” Fixer told him.

You laughed at the solid point - half because Fixer was funny when he wanted to be and half to release the anxiety and adrenaline of a successfully completed stealth mission.

Fixer leveled an unimpressed look at you. “Besides, some of us could spend this time treating the injuries we’re trying to hide.”

“You got hurt?” Sev asked, frowning at you. From any other squad, it might have sounded like concern, but you immediately spotted it for what it was: a vague irritated belief that you would slow them down.

"Barely," you snorted. "Minor burns, nothing to worry about."

"Until the blisters pop and leave you open to infection," Fixed countered, already taking over the observation post Sev had been manning. "Oh-Seven, take care of it, please? I'm not up to playing medic right now."

"Oh, so I have to?" Sev griped.

You stood up, throwing a look of disgust at the pair. "I think I'll patch myself up, thanks."

You had barely cracked open Delta Squad's first aid kit when heavy footsteps warned that someone had followed you. You ignored Sev's red-streaked armor as he stepped up behind you, focusing instead on spreading bacta gel across the tender burns on your hands.

"Here, just- Would you let me do that?" Sev asked impatiently, taking the gel from your hands.

"I could do it myself," you told him, a little pointlessly, since he had already taken over.

"I know you could, but it'll be faster if you let me."

Sev had removed his helmet, and he had the stubborn set to his jaw that warned that he wasn't going to let this go. Rather than waste both of your time, you rolled your eyes and stuck out your hands. He knelt in front of you, the kit open beside him, and started to apply the bacta gel.

He worked in silence for a few minutes, callused fingers oddly gentle against your skin, until you couldn't take it anymore. "Go ahead, say it."

"Say what?" Sev asked, looking up at you with a frown on his scarred face.

"What you always say," you explained with a frown of your own. "Come on, it's basically your motto."

"I don't have a motto," Sev told you slowly. "I'm not some idiot with a motto. I'm not Scorch."

"Okay, but you can't think of a single phrase you repeat often?" You pressed. "Especially when someone gets hurt doing something you think is stupid?"

"Not really," Sev denied, clearly puzzling it over.

You watched him, aghast at the idea that you had been making up his insulting phrase. As he turned his attention back to your burns, you caught a glimmer in his eye and you nudged him with your foot.

"That's not funny, Sev!" you tried your best to sound furious, but the way you were laughing detracted from the effect. Sev chuckled along with you. "I thought I was going insane!"

"I wouldn't say it to you," Sev said, finishing the last bandage.

You stared at him. "Yeah, of course not. It isn't like you've said it to me multiple times in past missions."

"Well, those, you actually had done something stupid and you got what you deserved," he told you mercilessly. "But this time, you got hurt trying to complete a mission."

"Yeah, but I wasn't wearing the proper gear," you countered.

Sev didn't look impressed, picking up one of your carefully bandaged hands as he spoke. "I know burns, and heat gloves wouldn't have saved you here. Maybe the burns would have been less intense, but we would also be picking melted synthweave out of your hands."

You squeezed Sev's hand since it was still wrapped around your own. "Thanks for making me feel better, Sev, and for taking care of my hands."

"Well, I have to make sure my favorite comm specialist is willing to work with us again," Sev told you, helping you to your feet.

You had never taken a step away, and from your position standing close to Sev, you stared up with a dumb grin spreading across your face. "I'm your favorite comm specialist?"

"You're my favorite anything specialist," he told you and you beamed at him. To your complete shock, he returned your smile, his handsome face glowing with the quiet happiness of the moment.

You began to speak, though you had no idea what you planned to say. Unfortunately - or fortunately - you were interrupted by the arrival of Sergeant Boss and Scorch. Delta Squad's leader was supporting Scorch, who limped along making exaggerated noises of pain.

"Scorch, what happened? Are you okay?" you asked, horrified that he had been hurt.

"I didn't bring enough fuse," Scorch answered, immediately dropping his pained attitude - though his limp didn't change a bit. "Had to run from the site and I twisted my ankle."

"Well, play di'kutla games, win di'kutla prizes," Sev told him sourly as you shot him a disbelieving grin.

"Yeah, yeah," Scorch muttered. "This team doesn't appreciate my talents."

"Talents," Fixed scoffed.

"Of course!" Scorch replied, sounding offended. "It takes talent to get hurt this often and not die."

"The Kaminoans may have bred us for tenacity, but I don't think that's what they had in mind," Boss told him. "There's something to be said for learning from your mistakes."

"Isn't anyone on my side?" Scorch complained, eyeing you pointedly.

You sighed, but threw him some sympathy anyway. "I'm on your side, Scorch. I'm glad you're okay."

Fixer cut short Scorch's gloating. "That's only because you weren't the only one who was injured doing something stupid today."

Scorch gave you a commiserating nod. "Did Sev give you the speech, too?"

You glanced up at Sev. The scarred commando was watching you as he tried to bite back a smile. You shot him a subtle wink and said, "Yeah, something like that."

---

A/N - dedicated to myself, because I say "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes" way too often for someone who is usually the one playing the stupid game. Feel free to visit my masterlist for other one-shots and series, or make a request!

[ilivelikeimtrying]

I love this place

Basically it's the aspect of having to be perfect your whole life even though you know you're not. Like, I started out clumsy and all over the place and imaginative and impulsive but my parents expected everything of me to be perfect and if it wasn't it was....

And I don't know when it happened, but at some point I started setting a standard for people about me. I was suddenly an example, I was confident and put together and elegant and everything my family and the people around me (aside from my friends and siblings) wanted. People started bragging about me for once and some people gloating.

The mindset of "fake it till you make it" became my personal motto. Put on a smile, shrug off the hate and mistakes, keep your back straight and your head high and dress nice and look good. Professional.

Be someone people want to know and you'll always have opportunities.

Being who you are gets you nowhere, being who they want can get you anywhere.

I, on the other hand, just became more and more tired. I started hating the parts of me that reminded me of when I was a kid, but I think I remember posting a while ago that I was done hating that little girl, because she ultimately didn't do anything wrong.

Then, this semester happened in Uni and I started faltering. My grades and scores became average, which were fine because I still padt the first year, but this year... I don't know... I'm just so tired.

But I also feel so embarrassed.

I turned a paper in that isn't even close to something I would usually turn in. I did a presentation in front of important people that went embarrassingly bad.

I lost myself.

I began doing things in a way everyone else was doing, because they were doing it the right way.

I was wrong, of course. What worked for them doesn't work for me but I realized too late. Suddenly cracks started appearing and I don't know what to so. I started going back to who I was before I had it all together.

Growing up all they ever wanted us to be was perfect and finally I achieved what that means to them but if I'm not that now, then who am I?

If I'm anything less than that, then who am I?

I looked back into some old notes of mine a few days ago and saw who I was. How things worked when I did them my own way, and not theirs. How things stopped working when I changed it.

I see the goofy sketches and writing, I see the messy letters and little fic ideas written on the side, I see the notes I took along side the many eyes I drew, and I see a whole policy report I wrote on my own with nothing but paper and ink that I got a good fricking score for.

People keep telling me when I reach their age I'll understand that this is all part of growing up. That I'll get that this is just how life works.

But I already understand that.

I already know that.

That doesn't stop the feeling of embarrassment and humiliation in my chest, that doesn't stop the anxiety that keeps me up at night, that doesn't stop me from being 22.

Maybe they're right, maybe one day it'll stop and I'll be okay, but I feel this way now.

Maybe I'll be 47 or 50 one day, but I'm still 22 now, and it still hurts.

Had a full-blown Ambrosius style breakdown and hoo-boy does it make good writing material.

[cinnamonest]

I got these and more asks regarding the post from last night so I wanted to elaborate and explain some things, and also make another point about the anniversary thing and clarify for anyone confused. After this I promise I'll shut up about this lol sorry

1) yeah please do NOT come after the VAs for any of this, not even the actual developer side either is at fault. This is largely an issue with the PR and marketing and higher up people. It's really awful that some people are harassing people who have no responsibility here. And thanks to the original asker's reply, I feel like I'm really bad at conveying my thoughts so I tend to overexplain lol, but thanks that means a lot.

2) I have seen people confused on this so if you didn't already, you should know that this isn't just about the anniversary so much as the anniversary was a final straw. While Honkai has similar rewards/exchange for irl money as genshin, mihoyo itself has some of the worst in comparison to other gachas from other developers. Games like Arknights, Granblue, Azur Lane, Dragalia Lost, hell even a cutesy casual gacha app like LoveNikki have much better real money to game currency ratios, huge anniversaries where they give out tons of free shit, and much more generous systems (such as Arknights giving free 10 pulls with a lot of events/new characters/etc). All despite being smaller, less profitable games. There's major glaring issues with the game that have gone unresolved for a long time despite people asking over and over to change it. It's a combination of the rewards, general stuff, and mihoyo's refusal to solve certain issues for a long time that has people upset.

In any industry, any company is going to be held to the standards set by the mainstream industry, which is what is happening here. It is natural to hold a company to it's competitors for comparison and expect them to match standards, especially when the company that is lacking is the richer one and could easily meet the standards if they were willing to.

This is especially true for people who put money into the game. Due to the nature of gachas/online games, companies that produce these games are usually very adamant on rewarding players because whales/P2Ws, people who buy welkin and similar stuff, etc keep the game alive. When they do not match the standard of the industry, those people will feel unappreciated and go elsewhere eventually, which means they will not be able to afford much progress, then even F2Ps won't have content, and the game will burn out.

3) I probably should have clarified this last post but, I know review-bombing does seem like a kinda shitty tactic at first and I get that, but the reason people are doing that now is because mihoyo has completely ignored people complaining for months normally, and even now has started to censor and ban people, deleted critical posts, etc. Basically it's clear that mihoyo will just ban and censor criticism until people do something that actually forces them to listen, hence review bombing. Banning/censoring criticism is a really, really bad move for any company, historically speaking, it's insulting to players who keep the company afloat and results in losses. The review bombing + a lot of people uninstalled the app apparently + people who usually pay refusing to do so anymore, all of that hits them to where they can't afford to ignore it when people do it en masse. Because it will cost them money/players.

What people are kinda really upset about, even more than rewards itself, is just the silence and censorship on their end, which is more frustrating than the lack of rewards itself. I did have some sympathy for them up until they started censoring and deleting criticism on their site. At that point they're doing this to themselves by doing that.

4) Also, notably, this has worked with plenty of other game devs. You may remember the disaster that was Fallout 76. Bethesda also responded poorly at first, but spamming bad reviews and horrible coverage for Fallout 76 got Bethesda's attention, and they went the whole nine yards formally acknowledging the complaints and more or less apologizing to the whole world of players at E3 and even gave refunds, which is a very surprisingly humble thing for a company of their level of fame to do. The situation calmed down because people felt listened to, and while Fallout 76 was kinda a lost cause and didn't get fixed, the idea is that the refunds/open and honest communication restored the consumer base's relationship to Bethesda. That was a big blow, but Bethesda was willing to take that hit to maintain the sense of communication and mutual respect/value between players and devs.

In contrast, with mihoyo, what most people have been trying to beg/bargain for for an anniversary rewards is a free permanent banner 5 star, which would cost mihoyo essentially literally nothing.

So far they have responded by banning people for literal years on hoyolab, deleting posts, banning people from various social platforms etc, for criticism. Even putting whether or not that's ok aside, it's very unusual and not how game companies usually handle these things, and can only end badly for them.

Also mihoyo has had time to fix this -- it's not like Fallout 76 where they released the game and then the backlash came very suddenly and they had to scramble to prepare a response/plan and needed time. People have been complaining about these rewards for well over a week, so they could have easily fixed it by now if they had any intention of listening to people's complaints, especially considering the proposed fix of a single free permanent 5 star would be very simple and quick to implement.

5) also? it's extra unfortunate and really a marketing team issue bc they could have *profited* from giving more, if they opened rewards to new players as most gachas do. Genshin is incredibly popular right now, to the extent that a lot of people in the gaming/weeb sphere who don't play it, but still know of it, and even know a bit about it.

If you were someone who had never played genshin but had been considering downloading it for a long time, but just kept putting it off or forgetting, and heard "hey join now and you get free Diluc/Keqing," that would have convinced a lot of people to go ahead and join, and they would inevitably get sucked into the game and bring mhy profit. So it's a little strange imo that they chose not to do that, it would have been beneficial to them.

6) also, be aware that the glider we're now getting was supposed to be paid originally. Releasing it free now is damage control. It's also, well, a glider. Again, while it is pretty, it's paltry in comparison to the industry norm and does not have much use to most people.

Finally, criticizing all of this/the game/mihoyo does not mean people hate the game. I do see some people lashing out in defense of mihoyo and I get that bc they produce something we all really like. I really really do not want to see genshin become "that one game that was super popular for a year or so and then died" -- that's why people want improvements, because if improvements aren't made, that's where it's headed. What people are asking for right now is stuff that is very easily in mihoyo's capability and would not cost them much of anything. It would be one thing to ask them for something that would cut their profits or take time to develop, but that's not what's happening. People are asking for very little in the scope of their capabilities/the norm.