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likeabulletyoucanhurtme · 3 years ago

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1: Name I got one of those

2: Age 32

3: Fears the end of all things and being at heights unsupported

4: 3 things I love Gigs, books, galaxy caramel

5: 4 turns on latex/leather clothing wetlook leggings neck kisses/biting general horniness andtheyturnmeonwhentheytakeitoff

6: 4 turns off tickling lazyness meannessbeing disinterested

7: My best friend idk. Let me know first and then I'll update

8: Sexual orientation straight

9: My best first date Walking around town with mutuals the first time I met the girl I'd been talking to online for two months honestletsmakethisnightlastforever

10: How tall am I 5"6ish

11: What do I miss Concerts It's been a month and now they're getting postponed due to the rona again

12: What time were I born 1.11

13: Favourite color Black. Pure emo obvii illkeepwearingblackuntilsomethingdarkercomesalong

14: Do I have a crush Not currently iflirtwithanyflightythingthatfallsmyway

15: Favourite quote I have many, none of which are favourites

16: Favourite place Barrier at a concert

17: Favourite food Galaxy caramel, or some kinda pizza probably itstimetoturndiningbackintoeating

18: Do I use sarcasm Consistently dontminduswerejustspillingourguts

19: What am I listening to right now Adverts between Supergirl

20: First thing I notice in new person Their height probably. Or hair colour. Unless there is another distinguishing characteristic about them

21: Shoe size 8

22: Eye color Greenish blue or blueish green depending on the light and tiredness

23: Hair color Black

24: Favourite style of clothing Hoodys and gig tshirts foreverinbandshirts

25: Ever done a prank call? Yes. We phoned someone and told them we were a sex clinic and they had to come in for testing the next morning. It was 1am but he sounded drunk too so agreed

26: Meaning behind my URL It's a song lyric from The Rasmus likefireyoucanburnme

27: Favourite movie I have too many movies that I like to pick a favourite. Like 405 in my cupboard and 169 I wanna buy

28: Favourite song I have 6646 on my playlist. I can't pick favourites.

29: Favourite band I have ~139 that I like. I can't pick favourites

30: How I feel right now mainly bored

31: Someone I love Family members

32: My current relationship status single pringle

33: My relationship with my parents Good

34: Favourite holiday Hallowe'en without a doubt. thisishalloweenthisishalloween

35: Tattoos and piercing I have One tattoo on my upper left arm.

36: Tattoos and piercings I want None. Maybe if I could pick a favourite band I could get their logo tattooed, but see above

37: The reason I joined Tumblr I was in a facebook group that posted a lot of the iconic tumblr posts and memes and I thought I'd rather join here and see them firsthand instead.

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? idk how she feels about me, but I am now indefferent towards her as I burnt out on hating her months ago idontwanttohateyoubuthowcouldinotyoukilledoffsomuchihelddearinmyheart

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Ha! I never got them from the person I was devotedly sending them to at the time. Now I don't even get any texts.

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? My mum? Yes. Chastely.

41: When did I last hold hands? More than two years ago

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? About 10 minutes to get out of bed and dressed, but I usually give myself an hour so I can get breakfast and conjure up enough will to live before I leave the house

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? I have never shaved my legs

44: Where am I right now? Sitting on my couch

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Me. Pubs are expensive and boring, I prefer getting drunk here. Better measures, music and no que for the toilet maybeillgetdrunkagaintofeelalittlelove

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Loud ifitstooloudyouretooold

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Nope

48: Am I excited for anything? The 19 concerts I have planned for this year

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Not currently

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? Not anymore, now that I don't work in customer service. seemyfakesmilehaveathousand

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? New Year's Day

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Well we're broke up so I probably shouldn't care, but also rude

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? No. I don't trust most people canitrustyou?butidontwantto

54: What is something I disliked about today? The dinner was in for 5mins more than it should've been and was nearing burning

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? idk. Someone from the 139 bands i mentioned earlier? Maybe one I've not met before?

56: What do I think about most? idk I don't keep track of my thoughts randomthoughtsofneatdisorder

57: What’s my strangest talent? I have a talent?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? Nah, any phobias I have are entirely ordinary

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind, definitely imnotapictureperfectportraitbutiamworkingonit

60: What was the last lie I told? I told my jobcentre advisor that I applied for jobs when I haven't

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Messenger. Or texting. Then phone. Never videocall.

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? No and yes. highupabovealienshovermakinghomemoviesforthefolksbackhome

63: Do I believe in magic? Nope

64: Do I believe in luck? Nope idontbelieveinlucktheydontbelieveinusbutibelieveweretheenemy

65: What’s the weather like right now? Dark and cold as is usual for midnight in Scottishland

66: What was the last book I’ve read? Warlock - Wilbur Smith

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Nope

68: Do I have any nicknames? I have several

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I split my head open and needed stitches

70: Do I spend money or save it? Both. I'm quite good at saving tbh but it's impossible to go through life without spending anything.

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? I can. Not my own tongue. But I can touch my nose with a tongue. After I've cut it out.

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? A small bank and a plastic basket filled with letters

73: Favourite animal? Probably dogs

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Watching a film online

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I thought his name was Lucifer Morningstar. And he's a former nightclub owner and police consultant.

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? All 6646 I have on my list

77: How can you win my heart? Wear something shiny and bring pizza and/or chocolate. Then you will have my interest. Not being a cow and cheating might get my heart eventually.

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? Nothing. I don't want one. I'd prefer to be cremated and scattered I think. Tombstones are a waste of money and graveyards are running out of real estate itsnotaboutthefriendsyoumakebutthegraffititheywriteonyourgrave

79: What is my favorite word? I don't have one

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr. I don't use this hellsite as often, I can't remember tbh.

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Stop being so judgemental to each other

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? Nope

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? idk. I used to think being invisible might be fun but I don't see how it'd be useful atm. Same with speedrunning or flying. Would be cool, but I'd probably be caught and turned into some lab experiment. Also I'd need my clothing to be invisible too, I don't wanna walk around naked and invisible.

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? idk. Probably my name as I want to retain some sort of anonimity.

85: What is my current desktop picture? The default windows one with stars

86: Had sex? Yes. Several times. With different people.

87: Bought condoms? Yes. Non-latex ones because I knew someone with an allergy. Didn't pan out. Used to get free ones too, they were better obvii

88: Gotten pregnant? Nope

89: Failed a class? Several

90: Kissed a boy? Two. Drunk at the time, not my thing.

91: Kissed a girl? Yes. Much better experience

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yes. We were in a park under a tree I think. wedancelikezombiesdointhemiddleoftherain

93: Had a job? Yes

94: Left the house without my wallet? Yes

95: Bullied someone on the internet? nope. But someone did piss me off recently on reddit so I went to their profile and downvote their last 50-odd comments and posts.

96: Had sex in public? In a public place yes, but it was deserted.

97: Played on a sports team? if PE counts?

98: Smoked weed? never

99: Did drugs? not illegal ones

100: Smoked cigarettes? never

101: Drank alcohol? consistently ifoundmyviceifoundmyviceitlivesinabottleandwantsmetodie

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? nope

103: Been overweight? yes

104: Been underweight? probably

105: Been to a wedding? A few

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? This...this is a joke question right? thosearerookienumberswegottapumpthoseup

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Another joke question I hope...

108: Been outside my home country? A few times

109: Gotten my heart broken? I think so

110: Been to a professional sports game? Several

111: Broken a bone? I've had my nose broken for me

112: Cut myself? Not deliberately intopiecesthisismylastresort

113: Been to prom? Once

114: Been in an airplane? A few

115: Fly by helicopter? Nope

116: What concerts have I been to? 213 concerts, seeing 434 different bands at 46 different venues

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Nope

118: Learned another language? in high school

119: Wore make up? Occasional guyliner and even more usually nail polish. Black obvii.

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Nope. Not for a lack of trying though

121: Had oral sex? Yes. Giving and recieving <3

122: Dyed my hair? Had it dyed for me

123: Voted in a presidential election? Nope - not American

124: Rode in an ambulance? Yes

125: Had a surgery? Yes

126: Met someone famous? Several band members

127: Stalked someone on a social network? Not really.

128: Peed outside? A few times

129: Been fishing? Nope oohgirlwheniminlovewithyoukeepfishingifyoufeelitstrue

130: Helped with charity? I have done fun runs before.

131: Been rejected by a crush? Several times

132: Broken a mirror? Nope imsouglythatsokcausesoareyouwevebrokeourmirrors

133: What do I want for birthday? CDs, DVDs, Boxsets, Books, PS2 Games, alcohol, chocolate

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? I only want my one

135: Was I named after anyone? Nope

136: Do I like my handwriting? Sometimes

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? idk

138: Favourite Tv Show? I watch too much TV to have a favourite tbh

139: Where do I want to live when older? In a house I own would be a nice change, but also an unrealistic expectation

140: Play any musical instrument? Nope

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? Split my head open and recieved stitches

142: Favourite pizza toping? Probably pepperoni. It's basic, but still a good choice. I'm not too adventurous with my food choices tbh

143: Am I afraid of the dark? Nope. No one is afraid of the dark. People are afraid that they're not alone in the dark. Or death.

144: Am I afraid of heights? No. I am afraid of being unsupported in heights. Or falling.

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Nope. Because I never needed to sneak out and didn't do much bad

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end Several times itriedsohardandgotsofarbutintheenditdoesntevenmatter

147: What I’m really bad at Singing. Doesn't stop me anyway

148: What my greatest achievments are idk, I've made it this long with all four limbs and that's kinda neat of me.

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me My memory's not that good. I can't remember specific insults, just the general feeling of inadequacy

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery Get a good lawyer, create a company and pay myself a wage. Then buy a house and decide what issues I can help fix in the world. And be very anonymous.

151: What do I like about myself I like my sense of humour, my music taste, my general awesomeness

152: My closest Tumblr friend I don't have any. Y'all are seriously missing out, I'm amazing tbh!

153: Something I fantasise about Owning a house, HA!

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal? Nope. Load of nonsense, I don't think about it

155: Free question: Any question you’d like to ask, be it rude, fun, curious, strange, sexual, random, meme related, etc! Well I'm posting this all because no-one would send numbers, but my asks are open if you have something I've missed

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aquarianlights · 4 years ago

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I am in a serious financial bind. 😥 If anyone is in a position to listen & help or signal boost, pls keep reading...

This is from my apartment complex. I am in low-income housing. I called them & sent them proof I could pay on the 23rd. I told them I could (just barely) put 100 down now & they said that was too little.

They said they would file for eviction on the 16th, which adds $150 to my rent. They will cancel the court date and eviction on the 23rd when I pay.

But that doesn't cancel the $150 filing fee.

Idk where that $150 would come from. Idky they think it's fair that someone who cannot pay should be forced to pay even more??? That makes no sense. I can only just barely afford my rent every month as is.

These are from my energy company. I apparently owe them over $600. I genuinely do not know how this happened. We were on the phone for a very long time trying to figure it out & I was in tears for the latter portion of it because I swear I paid.

I usually keep record of my payments via taking a picture of my receipt since they are electronic, but my dog chewed up my phone (which I have pics of if need be for evidence) and broke it, so I had to get a replacement phone sent to me from the insurance company & nothing transferred from the old phone, so all my pics were wiped.

I found no record in my emails, either.

The meds I am taking to try to go into remission and the autoimmune disease itself both cause brain fog and issues with time warping, so it is possible maybe I skipped a month or something, but I highly doubt I would have skipped up to 600+ dollars worth of payments.

I have tons of electronic and hard copy calendars & they are all synced and constantly updated so that I know when payments are due. I also have text and email reminders sent to me, but I could find no reminders in my email for MONTHS now until they were telling me they were going to shut my power off if I didn't pay this. Idk why I was not sent reminders for months???

In the end, I agreed to set up a payment plan. Paying, like... 50-60ish on top of whatever my electric bill is every month for 12 months. It was the lowest they could go.

I can barely afford my electric bill as it is, so idk how I will be able to do this? They did give me a list of charities in my area so I will be using what little energy I have to call around & see if any of them would be willing to help me pay this. Idk how those work (they're mostly churches???), so I'm just gonna try & see what happens. 🤔

On top of all that, I *think* this is telling me my Medicaid has been cancelled but I'm not 100% sure?????

I'm going through treatment for a very serious, disabling problem that should last ~1 year and rn Medicaid is picking up what my Medicare doesn't cover and some of my doctors/specialists and treatments are medicaid only.

If I lose this, I'm basically done.

I know they'll do backpay if I get it back, but Idk if I *will* get it back. I'll be trying to get it back, but in the meantime, I guess I'll just have to pay out of pocket, idk??? Which I do not have.

I have lost almost ALL autonomy due to this autoimmune disease, which (in a very simplified form) is basically my immune cells "eating" my muscle tissue. I can barely get out of bed. Treatment should put me in remission & give me my life back. I am seeing a rheumatologist, neurologist, dermatologist, PCP, physical therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, and going to a holistic pain treatment center that does a different kind of physical therapy to bring down pain levels (which I was put into that program by my rheum). All of these are in relation to & necessary for my disease. I am going through TONS of testing almost weekly now & trying out treatments like IVIG and chemo where I am in the hospital hooked up to an IV for 4-6+ hrs of that day and the cost of those things without Medicaid picking up what Medicare doesn't cover is astronomical. I have to sign waivers every time I get my blood drawn (which is almost weekly now), do tests, and do treatments saying I will pay if Medicaid does not pick up the extra.

I already have crippling medical debt; I don't need more. I'm scared they won't let me do any more tests or treatments if they see I am just letting it all go to collections & am not paying.

This could mean the difference between having a life worth living (to me) where I am happy & thriving & autonomous or being bed-bound & living a life of just existing from day to day & miserable & in pain & suffering & unable to do anything for myself. This is literally life and death for me because I wouldn't be able to handle continuing to live in the latter scenario. I cannot handle living like I am now. Knowing my treatments are progressing is what keeps me going. Knowing I can go into remission is what keeps me going. Knowing my future is one completely different from now is what keeps me going. But if I cannot have that and am destined to live in this current state, it's just not worth it. I don't know a person alive who would want to live like this.

Finally, my anger noodle needs to get to the vet for MULTIPLE things. Nothing is, like... life threatening or super immediate like his cancer was last year, but they're things that need to be addressed in terms of preventative care & to make sure he isn't in pain.

He needs his trachea checked, possibly x-rays for that, maybe more...

He needs some medication updates, needs a physical, needs a full groom & nail clip under anesthesia (for those who are not familiar with Echo, he has extreme fear-based aggression & usually gets this done under anesthesia; since I worked with him so much, he had his first non-anesthesia nail clip at the beginning of quarantine, but he has gotten worse during quarantine & with my muscle eating disease, I can no longer restrain him & don't have the physical strength to run a brush through his thicker fur as his winter coat is in, so I can no longer groom certain areas of him at home, so his tummy & back legs are matted & I fear he may need to be shaved... which breaks my heart since you don't shave double coat dogs unless medically necessary.), he needs a full physical, & needs to be checked over for MCT's.

He may also need a fecal test or something else, as he has been having odd bowel movements. 😥 His tummy has been upset lately.

I have been crying myself to sleep every single night & often during the day because I cannot get him to the vet. No, it isn't urgent or life threatening. But he is reverse sneezing more than normal & I worry about tracheal collapse, which is a common small dog thing & even MORE common in pomeranians specifically. Every time he has a fit, I think "Oh god, this is it. This is the time I'm gonna have to rush him to the e-vet & get slammed with a huge bill & he is not gonna be okay..."

It breaks my heart to see his legs & belly matted. He is horrible about letting me groom him coz of his aggression so he only gets a full grooms at the vet, but I do short grooming sessions at home with him nightly. Takes about 2 hours just to do the majority of one side of him (not even all of it; just most) coz he needs breaks & lots of praise every few strokes or he will tear me to shreds & hurt himself snapping on the undercoat rake. 😥

But now that my autoimmune disease has atrophied my muscles to the point holding up my phone without something to prop it up feels like I am lifting weights & tires my arms out with a lactic acid burn & pain, I can no longer groom him with the patience he needs & can only groom in 20 minute intervals at the VERY longest. By the time I have gotten one leg done during the week, his entire other side is matted. 😞 Matting on dogs---especially double coat dogs---hurts them. It's like if someone were to wrap your hair around their fingers & then pull it taut. It's a constant pulling pressure on their skin... it's painful & irritates the epidermis. I feel miserable feeling the matting on his back legs & tummy & now feeling the mats beginning to form on the rest of him. He hates me working them out, even with the detangling spray. I know it must hurt so much...

So he may need to be shaved at this point & that will destroy me. I feel sick thinking about it. But anything to get him out of pain. Maybe it is what's best for him while I go through this year of treatment & get my muscles back. But in order to do that, I need to get him to the vet.

The stress of not being able to get him to a vet is tearing me apart & literally making me physically ill.

He is my world. My everything. My #1. My heart dog. My priority in life. My entire universe revolves around him. I would do anything for him. Not a single person, animal, thing, etc, comes before him. It is KILLING me that I cannot provide proper care for him right now. I always always always make sure to sacrifice for him if need be & his things ALWAYS come first, even if it means I'm not eating or not paying bills or whatever. As long as he is taken care of & his needs & wants are met, nothing else matters to me. And right now........ I feel he is suffering because of my finances & the fact my treatment with building my muscles up is not going fast enough.

I cannot control the latter one, but the first one is something I can at least ask for help for. So that is what I am doing.

If anyone is in a place to help, these are my venmo & cashapp codes. I also have paypal.

💙 Venmo: @kqroswell

💚 Cashapp: $kqroswell

💜 Paypal: @kqroswell or [email protected]

If there is another form of payment you're thinking of, lemme know. I also have fb pay activated if you have me on FB (Killian Q Roswell).

Thank you to everyone who read through this & anyone who can help or reblog this. 💖

Sincerely,

Your v scared, struggling transman who really wants his bills/rent paid & his dog to go to the vet,

Killian 💞

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strawberry-milktea · 7 years ago

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sorry if this is weird to answer but please help me. I think you mentioned before that passages people use about having women keep their hair long and not wear pants don't apply to modern times, unless you are cross dressing or trying to deceive people into thinking you are male (correct me if I misunderstood).

I am underweight due to a chronic illness (5'1" and 80 lbs). I used to mainly wear jeans but after drastic weight loss, I switched to leggings because I’ve never worn skirts before, and no other pants fit me. all of my old clothes are loose and baggy on me now so a couple years ago I bought some pairs of black leggings + a pair of denim “jeggings.” now, I’m wondering if I should switch to long skirts like traditional Christian women wear. I don’t know if leggings look “immodest” (I wear long tees that cover my butt, but I have a small body anyway). but I was thinking maybe long skirts would honor God more? and my hair has been very long for most of my life (as in, long enough to sit on). so the problem is not worrying that people would mistake me for male. although, I have planned on cutting my hair short for wigs for cancer patients someday in the future. what clothing/hair decisions do you think would honor God?what do you think I should do? thank you, I appreciate your advice!—No worries, it’s not a weird question!The specific Corinthian cultural associations regarding hair length on men versus women don’t apply to our society (note that I’m speaking specifically from the perspective of American society). Meaning, in American culture, we don’t automatically associate short hair on women and long hair on men as being an indication that they are prostitutes. Hair length did carry this meaning in Corinthian culture, which was why Paul stressed for men to have short hair and women to have long hair, such that Christians don’t have the appearance of/association with a pagan prostitute. However, the concept itself that Paul was discussing about minding our appearance/carrying ourselves in a way such that that we aren’t associated with things that aren’t of Christ is something that still applies. In case you’re interested in reading it again, here is the link to the ask where I talked about this so you can read in more detail what I am referring to. And if you wanted to read more about the skirts and pants discussion, you can find the ask about that here. I think you should definitely seek His guidance in prayer about the decisions you should make regarding your clothing and hair. I am happy to give my opinion, but what He wants for you is what ultimately matters!Personally speaking, I like wearing leggings. I have started replacing regular stockings/tights with leggings because they keep me warmer in the cold weather and I like the coverage they give/how they look better. I basically treat them like tights - I wear them under dresses and skirts, or long sweaters. I don’t feel comfortable wearing leggings as pants, I personally don’t think it looks appropriate. The shortest I’ll feel comfortable wearing a skirt or sweater with leggings is a couple of inches above my knees, so that my thighs and behind are adequately covered. So if the shirt you’re wearing is long enough to cover your behind and could pass for a dress-length, I don’t see an issue with that. But again, you may not feel comfortable with that and that’s fine! If you would like to try out some long skirts and see how you like them, then no harm in doing that. :) You may find a new type of clothing that suits you well to add to your wardrobe!In terms of hair length, I don’t think there’s a wrong or right answer to that one.. If you decided to cut your hair short, it’s not wrong due to the reasons I talked about in the hair length ask I mentioned in the beginning of this response. And if you are cutting your hair for the sake of donating it to make wigs for those who need it, then I think that would count as honoring God because you are doing so for a selfless reason so that someone going through the pain of losing their hair can gain some self-confidence and joy. But if you decided to leave your hair long, that wouldn’t be wrong either. If you do decide to donate your hair, do some research and make sure you’re donating to a reliable organization. I have heard some questionable things about Locks of Love, which is one of the most popular ones. I read a post about this not long ago, but I didn’t save it.. I wish I had, I would have given you the link to it.For myself, I definitely see how my fashion choices changed as a result of growing in my faith and relationship with Christ. I naturally started wanting to wear looser clothing and longer skirts - and I’m able to combine modesty with a clothing style I really enjoy and think looks pretty. I love fall/winter the best because I really love cozy sweaters that I can wear with either skirts or pants. Summertime can be a bit more challenging since it can get so hot out but you don’t want to feel too exposed in keeping cool. I usually most often wear summer dresses with tights or thin leggings. If I’m not wearing a dress or skirt, I wear pants. I’m not a fan of shorts because I feel too exposed (and to be completely honest, even if I liked wearing shorts, I don’t have the willpower to keep up with shaving my legs for the sake of wearing shorts lol)So trust what He has to say about this! Ask Him what He thinks is best for you. Just like He helped me with this, He will help guide you as well. :) I hope you found this helpful, let me know if you want to discuss this further!

#God #asks #anon #fashion #modest fashion #Christian fashion #modesty

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nerdytranswoman · 7 years ago

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NSFW ask! those questions......... alllll of them.

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Not sure. I tend to follow my gut when i meet people, so maybe there's some subconscious thoughts? But Personally, I’d say not, since I actively seek out thoughts on looks in order to change them by thinking “what if that was you?”.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Yes. Yes they are. I feel so good when I click with a group of people, but when I find that one I can spend 100% of my time/energy with, they are all i need.

3. Are you a virgin?

haha, whats that?

4. Are you in a relationship?

Not in any I like, thats for sure. (samy, shut up. you got your family/live under the same roof, i want mine.)

5. Are you in love?

yes.

6. Are you single this year?

yeah. ish.

7. Can you commit to one person?

I can, and I have before.

8. Describe your crush

Smart, funny, nerdy, loves to talk with me, but even the silence in eachothers company was amazing, seeing the stars/moon reminds me of her every night. 9. Describe your perfect mate

^up there.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

mmm, yes? people are people, and sometimes they just... click!

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes, but not for government benefits. For Love.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

No, not without a VERY good explanation with proof.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Yes. bitch, I know I ordered the salad, but I’d cheat on it with your burger anyday.

other than that, no.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yes.

15. Do you have any piercings?

Yes. Yes I do. ;p

16. Do you have any tattoos?

yes. 27 if you count individual letters separately.

17. Do you like kissing in public?

If it’s someone I love, then the world can fuck off as I make out with them in the middle of the mall.

20. Do you shower every day?

I try to, but water conservation/depression sometimes get in the way.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Yup. I’m cute as heck, so unless you’re Ace, I assume you have feelings for me.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Probably. Do parents ever not think about their kid?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Easily.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Well, I was engaged last year, so who knows! Maybe!

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Yes, of course. I’m sick of my heart breaking tho.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes. I didn't think it would be that bad till I lost them.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

mmm, nope.

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Kinda? I’ve been lied to in the middle of a break with an understanding we would use the break to improve our relationship.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Never.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

Yup. Besides the standard surgery, I want to modify my body with augmentable mechanical limbs!31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Every day.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yes.

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yup. Hated it.

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Yup. Loved all of them. wait, no scratch that, still love them all even if our lives are going in two different directions now.

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes. Yes I have.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Liked? LIKED??!?! I love her. RIP, Alex. I miss you.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yup. first gf. she was manipulative and my friends told me, but I wouldn't listen.

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes. First time I met them I was scared shitless, but now I’m pretty sure that person would fight for me if someone was a big enough of a dick to me.

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes, everyday for two years now.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

haha, yes! but none of you’ll ever hear it!

41. Have you had sex so far this year?Yes, though not as much as my newfound horniness would like me to be having.

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Umm, depends? Sometimes kissing doesn't start till after the wandering?

43. How long was your longest relationship?

3 years.

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Umm, I’ve dated a lot, but in terms of actual relationships? 5.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

Nobody. That’s when I was coming out of the closet to myself.

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

I had a partner then, so...

47. How old are you?

Im currently a Quarter of a century old. How about that?

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

“Awesome! go get that skan... Skilled tuba player, im assuming.”

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Currently not applicable. But I do like the intelligence and depth of conversation I’ve had with partners.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

No. That ship has sailed.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yes.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

A girl named Glenni. She told me she was Ace, but I will admit it took a little longer than that to stop pining for her. 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

A few people don’t like my on-again/off-again/complex relationship with a gal in Monterey.

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Alex.

55. Share a relationship story.

Watching the sunset on the beach slowly turn into a hamburger because of the clouds. We also had a picnic and I made vegan cheese for her sandwich! Idk what happened, but sadly we are no longer together.

56. State 8 facts about your body

Soft, Squishy, blonde leg/arm hair that makes me look shaved even after 8 months, a scar on my nose, a scar on my arm, crazy strength, shit stamina, gets wet at the beach.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

Fuck you for messing me up so badly that when I met the next person to make me feel even happier, I chickened out out of fear I’d lose them.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Food, Conversational compatibility, cuddles, Adventures, ability to enjoy eachothers company in silence.59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

Here

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

7 years. that's the extreme I’m willing to date.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Eyes, usually. Not color or shape, but how they express themselves, if that makes sense.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I’d say something special that shows me how much they care for me.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Um, pretty much whatever you do with you and your partners genitals i guess?

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Seeing someone else in a relationship/sexual capacity without my knowledge.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

Teasing, followed by light touching.

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

BDSM, Brat vs Dom. I’ll let you guess what role I like to play. ;p

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Lots of cuddling, movies, and food all at home followed by sexytimes maybe?

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Gay. women are just so hot.

69. What turns you off?

Lots of things. but being mean is pretty high up there.

70. What turns you on?

Cheezy romantic crap directed at me.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

Giving my partner complete (consensual and trusting with a safeword) control for them to do whatever they want with me.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

...

”Good girl.”

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Take me out for fancy food.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Weight. I dont like too skinny or too heavy, but someone with a healthy looking amount of chub I can become immediately attracted to.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Flew out to visit me. We shared one kiss.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Idk, I like to think im pretty sweet to most people in general, but I don't know what the sweetest thing I’ve done for someone is.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

if you’re not in your teens, don't date a teen. Otherwise, keep it within a decade to minimize incompatibility brought about by slight differences in culture growing up, especially in this technological age where it seems every six months there’s a new generation influencing the world. My limit is 7 years.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

Ever sucked a girls dick on a beach under a new moon? I have.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

A few days ago. She’s just better than me in every way it seems.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

yesterday?

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Me, samy, rain, glenni, alex

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

um, my therapist. A new one that i can very easily open up too, and apparently the feelings I’ve shared with her made her want to hug me at the end of our session.

83. Who was your first kiss with?

NOBODY. thats who.

she ded 2 me.

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

I have no clue. I thought things were going well, but then she told me she wanted to end things romanticly. I accepted, because why not? I don't want to force someone to be with me that doesn't want to. But I do worry it was something i said, something I did.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

haha, how do you think i find gf’s?

#geeze #this took forever #ask #Anonymous

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the-jade-goblin · 7 years ago

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Also

- 'perfectly arched brows' isn't a thing, unless you spend hours filling in, grooming and sculpting your eyebrows, which most women don't do

- 'full luscious lips' yeah those aren't naturally a thing either usually

- if a woman has long hair and is outside, I guarantee that hair is ending up all over the place in the wind, stuck to lip gloss and just generally in the way

- stop describing women as having "narrow ribcages and full hips" that's not sexy that's unhealthy, and seriously not natural. Unless your woman is a corset wearing Victorian who is now deformed thanks to the years of being strapped into corsets and her internal organs are now completely fucked, women do not naturally have narrow ribcages. That portrayal is dangerously unhealthy

- makeup takes anywhere from 5 to 25 minutes to take off and involves a lot of rubbing, scrubbing and rinsing, especially if it's waterproof makeup

- speaking of waterproof makeup, most women wear waterproof mascara for the exact purpose of not having it run if we cry or get our faces wet. That dramatic mascara running down her face with her tears bullshit is hardly applicable these days

- clothing wise, they don't fit us properly. Jeans don't fit in every place, shirts are either out of proportion to our bodies or way too tight in places, and women's clothing 100% is not built for warmth or practicality of any kind. If you have a woman who looks good and is outside in the cold, chances are she's freezing. Our clothing is literally 10% fabric and 90% air

- on the topic of clothes, it costs twice as much as men's clothing and believe you me we bitch about that a lot. We also bitch about only having sexy options when it comes to costumes. The less clothing you have the more expensive usually, especially swimsuits. Also two piece swimsuits are sold separately and are both really expensive.

- high heels are painful and difficult to walk in, my legs are weirdly bent when I wear heels because I'm constantly trying not to fall over. They leave the feet, legs and back horrible sore and if you're in them all day, chances are your feet will feel swollen when you walk on flat ground again

- no lipstick does not equal no makeup.

- women do not compare the things we do to the way men do it and how much easier and better it must be to be a man we just.. No one does that. Please stop talking about how difficult women find it to pee or to dress or walk down the street or whatever

- women do not think to themselves about how perky our boobs are or how flat our asses are when looking at ourselves in the mirror. We do not fully describe our bodies in our internal dialogue and we don't monologue about how we measure up to other girls or how attractive we are in regards to men's preferences. Ok we just don't please stop that

- periods are gross, full stop. It smells weird, when you sneeze a waterfall caves out of your vagina, replacing tampons/pads is a messy and horrible process, hiding those products when having to change them in public places is a real struggle, and yes women will often ask random women if they have any pads/tampons, it's female solitary at its finest. Periods also don't flow in water, and is not always red. Sometimes it's dark brown or even black, and doesn't come out like watery blood all the time sometimes it's chunky and like smelly glue ok it's not fun and most women will still be shocked as fuck when they get their periods even if they're in their thirties and any symptoms we experience before our periods we will always associate with hunger, stress or just dumb men before we think of our period as the cause

- we're not sleeping angels in the morning. Our hair is fucking everywhere and knotty as fuck, sometimes we got dried drool on our faces, our legs are mostly like not shaved or has grown back to prickle overnight, whatever we slept in is likely twisted around and crumpled over our bodies, the sheets are probably twisted around us too or down by our feet, and we do not wear bras to bed so our boobs are probably saggy and flater than what you're used to seeing. Also we hardly ever wear matching underwear

- dresses and skirts are different things. And yes I've met men who didn't know this

- if a girl finds a piece of clothing with actual pockets it's a fucking miracle and you best believe she any woman who asks about it will be freaking out over the fact that it has pockets

Dear Men Writers

Lesser known facts when writing women:

High heeled shoes don’t become flats if you break the heels off.

The posts of earrings aren’t sharp.

Nail polish takes a long time to dry and smudges when wet.

You can’t hold in a period like pee.

Inserting a tampon is not arousing or sexual in any way, ever.

Feel free to add your own.

267K notes · View notes

polkadotsockz · 8 years ago

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I don't know why, but I've always liked these.

100 Things About Me

1. What is your full name? Kimberly

2. How old are you? 23

3. When is your birthday? 12/12

4. What is your zodiac sign? The charming and witty, Sagittarius

5. What is your favorite color? Blacker than my soul

6. What’s your lucky number? 12 (look at my birthday!)

7. Do you have any pets? Two wonderful cats, Fuu (Fuu Kitty) and Archer (Archie)

8. Where are you from? Connecticut

9. How tall are you? 5′8"

10. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Like 10, but I wear 3-4 of them regularly

11. What did you last have for breakfast? Scrambled eggs and cold brew coffee

12. What was your last dream about? The last one I remember having was one in which I was in my high school cafeteria. For some reason everyone in my high school was invited to this wedding (don't know whose), and we all decided to get dressed at school. Now mind you, this took place in my high school but in the present day, meaning we were all adults. When I looked around, guys and girls were putting on their outfits, doing their hair, and doing their makeup. All the parents were there getting ready too. I remember getting upset because my parents brought the wrong dress for me. They brought the dress I wore to my cousin's wedding a few years ago, which is a beautiful dark blue gown. I was upset because I was afraid the dress would rip because of all the weight I've gained. (The dress actually did rip in real life when I wore it to my step-aunt's wedding a couple of months ago; causing me to have to borrow someone’s dress for the rest of the night). So after some complaining, I convinced them to stop back at home so I could get a different dress, and that's when I woke up.

13. What is the best thing about you? I always try to see the best in everyone, even if they've done me wrong.

14. Put shuffle on your iPod, what were the first 5 songs?

1. Part II - Paramore

2. ARTPOP - Lady Gaga

3. Dancing in Circles - Lady Gaga (really?! 2 in a row?)

4. But It's Better if You Do - Panic! At the Disco

5. Comedy of Errors- Alesana

15. Favorite song? It typically depends on my mood, but the one that is most constant is “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga. It’s pretty much the perfect song because a. it’s fun to sing along to, b. it’s fun to dance to, c. it has beautiful lyrics with a powerful message about self-love and self-acceptance, especially for the LGBT community.

16. Favorite TV show? Game of Thrones, by fucking far!

17. Favorite movie? the Harry Potter series

18. Do you miss anyone right now? I miss my Sammy and I miss my friends who I don’t see nearly enough

19. Do you want children? I think so, but I have promised myself that I won’t have kids unless and until I work out my anxiety issues because I don’t want to pass this along to yet another generation in my family.

20. Do you want a church wedding? Nah, I’d probably burst into flames up at the altar.

21. Are you religious? Nah, I like Satan jokes too much.

22. Have you ever been to the hospital? The last time I remember going was when I was 6 and needed 10 stitches on my head.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Sadly, no. I hold out hope that I’ll meet Lady Gaga.

24. Baths or showers? Both! I only really like baths when I have a bath bomb/bubble bar, though!

25. What color socks are you wearing? None.

26. Have you ever been famous? Nah, I don’t have the charisma or personality to handle that much attention.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Nah, I like my privacy tbh.

28. What type of music do you like? Lady Gaga, Paramore, emo/screamo that I’ve been listening to since middle/high school, occasional radio hits

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No :/ I totally should have when I was home alone when I lived at my parents’.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two! My favorite is when I can lay my head on one, and hug the other one.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I usually sleep on my side (fetal position)

32. How big is your house? Our apartment is a decently sized one-bedroom

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Eggs or rolled oats with fruit

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope!

35. Have you ever tried archery? No, but it sounds cool

36. Who is your celebrity crush? Lady Gaga cuz she’s actually perfect

37. Who do you look up to? Lady Gaga, because she isn’t afraid to be who she is and inspires others love and accept themselves. She is an extremely talented and accomplished musician, but retains such a humility and love for her fans. So basically, as I said before, she’s perfect.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 22 hours. When I was a high school senior, I got hooked on World of Warcraft, and I would do raids until 2 am (Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays), and then wake up for school at 5 am. Thursdays were the worst.

39. Do you have any scars? On my forehead from the 10 stitches I got as a child, and a few on my face from the chicken pox.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? I don’t believe so.

41. Are you a good liar? I’m good at white lies (“I love that new haircut!”) but suck at lying about things that actually matter because I’m really bad at hiding my feelings.

42. Are you a good judge of character? For the most part.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I like to pretend I can do a British accent, but it’s not all that.

44. Do you have a strong accent? Nah lol, just standard New England.

45. What is your favorite accent? British, Irish, Australian

46. Name all the countries you’ve been to? Not as many as I’d like! I have only been to Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, and I took a cruise as a kid that stopped in Aruba, St. Martin, and St. Thomas. So basically, I’ve been around the Carribean.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? I don’t know, haha. I’m too broke for expensive clothes, I’m a grad student.

48. Can you curl your tongue? Kind of.

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie!

50. Left or right handed? Right, my left hand is useless

51. Are you scared of spiders? Yes, I hate all of them.

52. Favorite food? You can never go wrong with pizza

53. Favorite foreign food? Thai food is heaven.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I can be messy with clothes, but for the most part, I’m a neat freak. I get anxiety if things are too dirty around the house.

55. Most used phrase? “I’m too tired for life......”

56. Most used word? “Fuck”

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Probably like 30-45 minutes on average. I varies depending on how long my shower is, how much make up I’m trying to wear, what I’m doing to my hair, and if shaving my legs is part of the process.

58. Do you have much of an ego? Most of the time I tend to be very hard on myself, so I’m gonna say no.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Don’t eat many lollipops nowadays, but suck!

60. Do you talk to yourself? All the time! I’m a great conversationalist.

61. Do you sing to yourself? All the time! Every car ride is a concert just for me.

62. Are you a good singer? I’m not too shabby.

63. Biggest Fear? Failure, rejection, judgement.

64. Are you a gossip? I can be. I enjoy talking about others, but many times it’s not in a negative way. For example, if I’m worried about someone who isn’t really saying much to me, I may ask another friend what’s going on with them because I’m concerned...not cuz I’m trying to talk shit. I guess I should get better at direct communication, tho.

65. Favorite character in anything? Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, ASOIAF

66. Do you like long or short hair? I like both, but I’m digging my ultra long hair right now cuz I had short hair for so long!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Probably, just don’t ask me where they all are on the map.

68. Favorite school subject? English/literature all the way!

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Too introverted to handle.

70. Favorite hobbies? Reading, writing, watching movies/shows, make-up, spending time with my boyfriend and friends

71. What makes you nervous? Everything social, judgement, presenting in front of people, making decisions.

72. Are you scared of the dark? I used to be, but now I like it.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Not really. I used to correct peoples’ grammar/spelling mistakes, but then I realized what an ass I was being. I only really point out mistakes if I think the mistakes will negatively impact the person.

74. Are you ticklish? Yes, extremely and everywhere.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? I don’t think so.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I guess I’m in a position of power/authority in my career. I never know what to do with that power, though.

77. Have you ever drank underage? Of course.

78. Have you ever done drugs? I’ve dabbled in a few things. Weed is the only consistent one, and it’s hardly a “drug.” I’ve never done anything seriously addictive/dangerous like heroine or meth or something.

79. Who was your first real crush? This kid in my second grade class. He didn’t like me though cuz he was popular, and I was very unpopular.

80. How many piercings do you have? 5 - lobes, industrial bar, nostril, and navel. I want so so so many more though.

81. Can you roll your Rs? Spanish is my second language, so claro que sí!

82. How fast can you type? Pretty damn fast, actually.

83. How fast can you run? Fast if it’s for a very short distance. I have very little endurance, though.

84. What color is your hair? Naturally, I’m a milk chocolate brown. Right now, I’ve got about 2-3 inches my roots grown out, and the rest is a fading purple.

85. What color are your eyes? Dark brown.

86. What are you allergic to? Just pollen.

87. Do you keep a journal? I’ve always been bad at keeping up with journals. I wish I could find some old ones with my poetry.

88. What do your parents do? Dad: owns a little grocery store, Mom: works at a bank, Stepdad: works at an investment bank (stocks and such)

89. Do you like your age? It’s okay. I’m getting old, though.

90. What makes you angry? Ignorance/ hatred: racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, etc. It honestly makes no sense to me how people can’t just love and accept one another and mind their own damn business.

91. Do you like your own name? I think it’s a nice name.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? I’ve had many thoughts throughout the years. I’ve always been partial to gender neutral names like Alex, Riley, Andy, etc.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? One of each would work.

94. If you had to have someone narrate the story of your life to you when you died, who would it be? This is an odd question, honestly, I’m not sure.

95. What’s the best thing you’ve ever won? I don’t really win things.

96. How did you get your name? My mom and dad were thinking “Nelly” but then my grandma’s best friend talked them into “Kimberly.” I feel that this is more fitting.

97. Out of the original 151 which is your favorite Pokémon? I didn’t watch Pokemon.

98. What browser do you use? Safari cuz I’m a Mac.

99. Color of your bedspread? I think it’s purple right now.

100. Color of your room? White cuz I rent and can’t paint the walls

#personal #Boredom #survey

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eds-zebra-warrior · 3 years ago

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2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 12 Prompt: Nurses and Doctors)

I have already covered much of this topic in previous posts so it's no secret that I have very little trust in the medical field. Of well over 200 doctors I have interacted with through both specialists, medical clinics, urgent care and hospitals there is only one that I have total trust in. Yes on and only one doctor who I trust with my life. I used to have more trust in doctors and used to have the mindset that I trust them until they give me a reason not to trust them because most kids are raised to believe that doctors and nurses are the good guys/girls I had my first experience that I remember with a medical professional at the age of five and they just kept adding up.

Layer after layer of abuse and neglect, four times being dead on their time and three times being so sick my blood pressure registered as clinically dead even though my heart continued to beat and all but one of these times I was not treated by medical personnel, once being revived by my mom in a hospital full of doctors and nurses ignoring my alarms. I have been released multiple times even up to the point of needing ICU level care with psychosomatic disorder labels slapped on me they didn't want to put the work into saving me. My uncle has died at the hands of the medical system from this disease and my mom defied the odds with only a 5% chance of survival rate and more time than I care to think about in a coma and in ICU as a result of a doctor who didn't know what he was doing and botched her surgery then both abused and neglected her for 9 hours after his mistake while trying to hide it so he wouldn’t get caught.

I don’t only have experience as a patient in the medical field but also as a nurse myself. I can't tell you how many times I heard students say they weren't going to do certain procedures because they were gross or uncomfortable like changing a colonoscopy bag acting as if the patient is gross because they have a medical condition that results in something that they believe is unpleasant or undesirable. How do they think the patient with the colostomy bag feels without their nurse making them feel gross, ugly or undesirable. I worked as an STNA where I was raped by my boss. I worked as an LPN at a long term care facility for children with severe to profound developmental delays and complex physical health conditions.

The state recommends no more than four patients be assigned to one nurse and no more than two patients to one nurse in a critical care setting. These patients were total care and at the most I was assigned 17 patients. 17 when there was only one of me and to give you an idea of what total care entities, All 17 were in diapers and needed changing every two hours, with one being on a toileting program meaning every morning she had to be put onto the toilet and strapped onto it with a harness since she had little control of her body and prone to falling off. We were to leave her on the toilet for 15 minutes or until she went to the bathroom and were not allowed to leave her room until she was done. The bathroom connected to two rooms and there were usually three kids in each room with the bathroom being between both of them so shared by six kids. We were not allowed to leave her alone on the toilet but could leave the bathroom itself if we left the door open so we could hear her so we could go into one of the rooms attached to it and change another kids diaper or change bedding but other than that we could not go any further until she was done. She was diapered the rest of the day unless you had more time to work with her later in the day so only did her toileting routine a minimum of once for morning shift and once for night shift. All children needed their bedding changed daily, they all needed a bath every day, clothes changed, hair done, teeth brushed, and some of the older guys we would shave their face if their family wanted us to. 15 of the 17 were tube fed or on TPN so I had to hook up their feeds. The other two, one ate solid food and the other was on a puree diet. They did not eat in their rooms and had to be taken to a group room with a table where we had to allow them a minimum of a half hour to eat. If they refused food we had to try to offer it for at least a half hour. One of the two needed feeding and the other was much more high functioning than the others on the unit so could feed himself, you just had to remind him to eat if he got distracted. All of them had medications, some up to six times a day. None could walk so they all needed picked up and put into their chairs and into their beds, one could craw and if we let her crawl we put knee pads on her knees so she didn't hurt her knees, one could walk using a gait trainer which is basically like a baby walker but bigger, where the strap goes between their legs so they don't have to hold their weight but can push with their feet to slide the walker. 14 of then needed turned every two hours to prevent pressure ulcers, one had a colostomy bag, one had a tracheostomy. They all needed rectal temps daily, They all had to go to the rec room and get some time on the matts daily, 14 of them had physical therapy which we were responsible for except once a week when a therapist worked with them

Therapy for 10 of them dealt with button training where a button as connected to a toy, TV, radio etc. and they had to press the button with their hand or head to get the TV to change or toy to light up or play music and what not. They did their therapy until either they pressed the button on their own ten times or a half hour had passed, whichever came first. One would get in her walker and needed us to guide her to take at least one lap around the unit in her walker, the other did the toileting program and we worked with her on using a modified form and spoon to eat herself, 6 of them did sucker therapy which essentially we would hold a sucker for them to lick in hopes to improve their swallowing skills and build up their saliva so hopefully one day they could get off the feeding tube or be less reliant on it, able to eat some puree or possibly one day solid foods. One we worked with his fine motor skills to have him pick things up but he was easy when it came to this because we could do it throughout the day so if I was changing him I could ask him to hold the clean diaper for me or a wipe or two and while I gave him a bath I could have him hold his tooth brush or comb or his deodorant so that I could combine with a lot of other routines but it helped him with both being able to grasp things and to learn to release his grasp at appropriate times.

11 of them worked on eye gaze to relay their needs so instead of just grabbing clothes and putting them on them we had to pick out at least two shirts, two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks etc. and ask them which one they wanted to work on eye gaze for them to tell us which they wanted. The highest functioning one was learning to use a power chair at the time so we had to follow him with a kill switch and joystick so we could make sure he didn’t run into anything or if we needed to turn the chair so he didn't hit the wall etc. he was also working on menu training where we could give him a picture menu for him to choose what he wanted for his next meal starting with two options for a main dish, like chicken nuggets or mac and cheese, two options for a side dish like cheese slices or apple sauce, two options for a second side like green beans or corn and two options for a dessert such as chips which were more like cheese puffs in different flavors or a cup of ice cream and eventually add more and more options Two of them were labeled as combative which I never had an issue with even once as I also majored in interpreting and learned very quickly that one was combative because he was the only one who could talk but some had trouble understanding him so he got frustrated kind of like a child in their terrible twos who is frustrated because people may not understand their speech, the other was deaf blind and no one worked with her on any kind of sign language or gesturing. As you can see, this is way way too much for one person to take care of.

Now to make things worse, I felt as if I was the only nurse who had any ethics. I felt horrible for these kids because they basically just sat them in front of a tv all day. They had an accessible playground outside which I had never once seen used because they hired so few staff that you didn't have extra time. We had four nurses on our unit which had, if I remember right 23 kids in our unit which doesn't sound too bad but we rotated days off with one weekend off a year so only three people were there at any given time. When someone took a week off we had two of us. Some went to day programs so during the week we usually had around six to 8 residents. On holidays such as the day I had 17 kids I was the only one and there. Two of them took Easter off and one already had that day already off and the boss let this happen. 6 of the kids, their parents took out day passes and took them home for Easter thankfully because I don't know what I would have done with another six kids.

This being said they didn't hire enough people so if someone from another unit called off they would take someone from another unit. The unit I worked on had the most severe children. There were other units that had the ones with moderate disabilities so could do things like brush their teeth, sit up, feed them self and just needed care like bathing, transferring them into their chairs, making sure they didn't get in trouble or fight with other kids, change their diapers or help them change their own or help them toilet themselves or care for catheters so they were a lot easier. There was another unit where most of the kids only had mild delays and basically just needed the staff to work with them on daily living skills like cooking and making sure they shut off the stove, go for walks with them to make sure they didn't get lost or walk up to strangers etc. they had another unit that was all babies two and under so though some of them had pretty advanced delays its a lot easier to pick up or change a 2 year old's diaper than it is a 19 year old's diet. Staff was an issue.

Now for lazy staff. I felt like the only one who actually worked and took a lot of the kids under my wing even if they weren't mine. When the “nurses just play cards thing” came out on tv I couldn't help but laugh because we had one nurse in charge of the most critical patient on the ward. He had no brain and only a brain stem. With a brain stem only your most basic body functions are controlled like breathing, heart rate, kidney function to produce urine and heating and cooling. You can't make pictures of images seen by your eyes so it’s pure darkness, you can't make meaning of sounds you hear so pure silence, cannot register a sense of touch or feeling, no voluntary movements etc. This being said he was hooked to monitors that were linked to a pager to alert his nurse to know if he stopped breathing or his heart stopped and you would need to rush in and do a sternum rub or sometimes CPR on him. This would happen anywhere from a few times a week to on and off all day. He literally would die over and over and over again so we had to be quick to revive him each time.

His nurse was notorious for taking off her pager and laying it in his bed, on his night stand, at one of the computer kiosks for logging, in the rec room etc. and then just going off and playing cards with another staff member. His door had a light and alarm too but it was really quiet which was a big reason the nurse had a pager. If they were busy changing another kid or something, they could yell for someone else because yelling was even louder than the door chime but she did this so much, I got to be like a new mother with a newborn baby where I could hear the ding of his light from a mile away because I knew if I didn't revive him she sure as heck wouldn't we had a room with three boys in it, an 8 year old, a 10 year old and an 11 year old. They were non verbal and there were two nurses who would run into that room and drop their pants and moon each other.

Most of the staff would skip bathing kids for sometimes days on end and just mark it on their charts that they had been bathed. This was especially so for the kids whose families lived out of state or kids who were property of the state and had little to no visitors. These kids were neglected to the fullest. Left in dirty diapers, had physical therapy skipped, were not rolled as much as they should be including one that got MRSA. If one of their family members showed up unexpectedly it would be like all hands on deck, they would call all of the nurses to their room while the receptionist lied to the parents saying they were in therapy or still in the bath or something and have two nurses yanking their clothes off throwing them in the tub to try to scrub them down one getting their clothes and changing their bedding changed, room cleaned, aids in there with mops mopping the floor and cleaning up the other kids in the room, changing their diapers, washing their faces and doing their hair, opening curtains, organizing stuff that's laying all over the place all in about ten minutes flat to try to make it look like their kid was taken care of the whole time. It was called “all men on deck” when this happened, they would even call people from other units for this so it's like we magically went from no staff to a ton of staff for ten minutes only.

The same thing happened when they got a call from the health inspectors. All blankets got pulled out of the closet because they weren't allowed in the closet with sterile items, no one was allowed to take off but they took half the staff and assigned them to cleaning, moving meds to the appropriate storage area, removing cleaning chemicals from the same area as the fluids and cartons of ensure and tube feed. They had so many violations it wasn't funny but knew exactly what needed fixed or removed before the health department and medical board visits. They had extra stuff they shoved in staff members' trunks of their car, in offices and all kinds of hiding spots then would just move it all back after they passed and it was over. I don't know why they never came unannounced. The nurse who used to leave her pager laying around didn't like me at all and would go into my kids rooms after I walked out and drop the bed rails on my kids beds to try to get me fired.

During my training they put me with a resident who was very sick. She had what they thought was the flu. She had a trach so couldn't control her cough which came right out of her tracheostomy, really bad diarrhea, a fever most of the first week I was there, the whole nine yards of being sick. Well after training I got sick but they had a one month probationary period in which you were not allowed to miss any days in that time and they said if you were sick you had to be checked out by one of the NP’s who would take your temperature and assess you to determine if you are healthy enough to work or not and only if they determined you were too sick were you allowed to take off during your probationary period. Well I got worse and worse and ended up developing pneumonia. So like her was hacking up a lung. I woke up with a temp of 103 and by the time I got to work my temp was 103.8.

I saw the NP and showed her the paperwork from urgent care where I had been diagnosed with pneumonia and stated my concern about spreading it to my kids who were all immunocompromised and high risk. The NP said I would be fine and told me to just wear a mask. I put on a mask and went to work. They gave me a ton of kids that day too, I want to say I had 12 that day so I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, getting dizzy spells and I could feel my fever exploding. I could feel sweat running down my back and chest and kept having to wipe the sweat off from my face. I literally felt like I was going to fall over and die running around, lifting teenagers, and rushing around to try to keep up which was nearly impossible because of short staff anyhow. Well I started overheating and coughing so badly that I had to take off to a bathroom in the hall and started throwing up and was struggling to breathe from all of the mucus and feeling like my airway and sore throat was swollen up and totally full of mucus. My boss came in while I was throwing up and said “why aren't you out there doing your job. Of course I’m there in the stall hanging over the toilet with all the sound effects of my vomiting, coughing and wheezing and told her I was sorry but I have pneumonia and got too hot. She said “well you need to come out here and do your job and throw up on your own time” Yes she told me to throw up on my own time. I said what because I was throwing up and thought I misunderstood her and she said “I need you to throw up on your own time” like you can control something like that and as if they hadn’t trained me on a patient who was sick and very contagious earlier that month. She told me if I didn't get out there then she would be writing me up and if you get a writeup during your probation time you will lose your job; then she left.

About two minutes later I got to a point where I thought I may be able to make a run for the supply closet which was right across from the bathroom, ran over there and grabbed some of their mini garbage bags that go into the little feminine care product trash cans and spent the rest of the day, working and running around the corner into the patients bathrooms to throw up in the bags and throwing them into the hazmat containers. I felt terrible with my patients having to listen to me throwing up right beside them but the boss wouldn't let me go to the bathroom or go home saying I wasn't too sick to take off even throwing up about 15 more times throughout the day and so dizzy I had no idea how I didn't pass out in front of any of my kids. When I went home that day, I took my temperature and it was 105.2. And that was with taking fever reducing medication while at work. After lying down a while it went down to 104.8 and I had the next two days off thankfully but by the next morning I was in the hospital passing out over and over again, having trouble breathing and under rapid cooling protocol having cool IV fluids pumped into me, wet towels put on me, ice packs layered around me benign told by the staff that any job that makes you work when you're that sick isn't worth keeping and how they would have just walked out.

I still hadn't been there long, almost three months, when I went to the linen closet with the towels, wash cloths, chux etc. and it was totally empty except for one wash cloth so I went to the manager filling in for mine who was on maternity lead and told her the linen closet needed restocked. They never told me what to do in this situation so I didn't know if we had a number to call down to laundry for them to bring it up, had to send an aid down to bring up a cart of clean linen to restock the closet or it was our responsibility to go down and get a cart full of clean linen and stock the closet. There was no list of phone numbers by the phone or anything because I checked before I asked the manager and when I asked she was in the rec room full of children with intellectual and physical disabilities. I told her the closet needed restocked and asked if there's a number I need to call for more, if I go get it or how that works telling her no one had told me how this works when I started. She looked at me like I was a total idiot and said “I see we have another retard in here as if we don't already have enough!” right in front of those kids. Enough was enough at that point and at the end of the day I said I wasn’t coming back.

I bawled my eyes out having to leave that job because those kids became like your kids and the care they got was god awful. They deserved a lot more than lying in a bed in front of a tiny tv all day. The other nurses didn't even meet their most basic needs leaving them in overflowing diapers, I can't tell you how many mornings I walked in after second shift left to find dirty diapers laying in the kids beds including one that my residents knee was laying in because they couldn't even throw away a dirty diaper. Basic needs like personal care, rolling them and the needs to sustain life and keep them safe weren't even met but kids have many more needs than just those most basic ones.

There was a playground that was never once used. They had no volunteers or staff to take them out of their rooms for a walk, to take them to the play room and actually play with them, hold crayons in their hands and help them color or finger-paint with non toxic or edible finger paints, do things with the teens that most teens take for granted like painting their nails, reading them books, bringing around therapy animals or even having an in house therapy animal. They just left them in their beds or laying on the floor on a mattress pretty much all day and all night which isn't a way for a child to live regardless of their cognitive function. That job took everything I had to give and gave me almost a try to save the world mindset because I wanted these kids to have the lives they deserved.

There was even one of the kids labeled as combative who was deaf/blind who I really connected with who I looked into adopting. The other staff couldn't stand her, literally ripping through her hair, yanking her neck back, forcefully ripping her hands off of them, basically tossing her into her chair. Some of these nurses were physically abusive with her because she was basically just really grabby and it made them mad. I realized the actual problem is that she was Deaf/Blind and they would literally just grab her and do whatever they wanted to. She was scared. She didn't know who was grabbing her or what they were doing so would grab for the hands and face to try to figure out who had a hold of her. Everyone used to ask me why she wasn't grabby with me yet no one took my advice. I told them they had to let her know who they were and what they were doing. Let her touch their face and hands to know who was there and touch is totally normal. It was just grabbing because she would be in a panic but she would be very gentle if you took things a little slower and gave her a chance. I would go into her room and instead of just yanking her up out of bed, I would tap her on the arm or sometimes just sit down on her bed and she would feel the movement and move her hands around to try to find it so I would put my hand by one of her hands so she grabbed my fingers then move her fingers toward my face so she could find my face and feel it. A lot of the staff thought it was gross because she put her fingers in her mouth but we knew her medical break down and a little spit wasn't going to kill anyone. That's what baby wipes are for but I would let her feel my face so she knew who I was and she would calm down once she realized it was me.

If I was going to put her in her wheelchair I would tactile sign the word chair then pull her chair up to her bed and guide her hand over to it and put it on the wheels so she could feel it. If I picked her up, I would put my arms under her like I was going to pick her up but not actually lift her for about three seconds so she got used to knowing if I slid my hand behind her back and under her legs that I was about to pick her up and put her in her chair which she had already felt. If she needed a bath most of the staff threw her clothes in the bathroom and got the water going and stuff. Then yank her up and carry her in the bathroom with her having no idea what was going on. I would first put her in her chair and take her in her chair into the bathroom because once I put her in her chair and signed a bath I could get her clothes and diaper and such and sit it on her lap so she could feel them and realize that she was about to change clothes or take a bath. I would then wheel her into the bathroom and the tub had a sprayer and it was a wet room so if you got the floor wet it had a drain and didn't hurt anything. I would take her clothes from her and set them on the counter and then turn on the water to the right temperature and bring the sprayer down. If I touched her hand she would usually grab my fingers and I would pull her arm out to the side and put her hand under the water so she could feel it with her hand and knew she was going to take a bath. I put the hose in the tub basin and signed the bath again. Put my hand behind her back and under her knees again giving her a second for it to register that I was going to pick her up again, lift her and put her in the tub which was basically like lounge chair, take her clothes off starting slowly with her socks instead of a large piece of clothing that was more shocking then after taking her socks off moved to the larger pieces of clothing. When I went to spray her to get her wet I again put her hand under the water and then moved the sprayer slowly up her arm so she knew she was going to get wet, bathed her and dressed her.

If I changed her I would sign the diaper and give her the diaper to hold before taking her pants off or anything so she knew she was going to get a diaper change. Once I took off her pants, before removing her diaper I would get one baby wipe and put it in her other hand so when I took the diaper off she knew when I took the wipe away from her that she was about to feel the cool whip. If I did her hair, I would give her a comb and brush to hold and would take whatever one I needed at the time out of her hand and to make things easier, I actually taught myself how to French braid on her hair because French braiding it kept it from getting tangled and matted so combing out her hair wouldn't be so traumatic for her, especially when another staff member had her but she was really a very easy and laid back kid just very much misunderstood which is why I requested her as my permanent. I actually took the two kids on the unit that no one wanted and they were both great kids and I just don't understand how a medical facility can operate with such ignorance. So though it was hard to leave I feel like I made the best decision. When I left I called Children's Services, Our county's Department of Developmental Disabilities, The Medical Board and the Health Department hoping that even though I had to leave, the lives of those children would improve.

I have had many negative experiences with other medical workers both as a patient and as a nurse. There are so many unethical, abusive and neglectful medical personnel so I no longer live by the mindset that all medical personnel is good unless they prove otherwise, realizing just how rare good doctors, nurses and other medical personnel are to come by and now believe that they are all bad and have zero trust in them unless they can prove otherwise. It's very difficult and takes a very long time for medical personnel to gain my trust. I’ve had this trust for too many in the past who let me down so now that trust has to be gained over a long period of time. As I mentioned before, I have one doctor I have trust in and his name is Dr. Joseph. It took him almost two years to gain that trust and this is a doctor I see every two weeks so I have seen him more in two years than I see most doctors in ten years if this puts into perspective how long it takes to trust a doctor. Trust isn't something a lot of EDS patients have in the medical field but many have experiences similar to mine so it’s easy to understand why.

#MyEDSChallenge #MyHSDChallenge

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