#but i don’t go to church or really consider myself part of the faith

[stayatsam]

the concept of the derogatory phrase “cradle catholic” for those baptized as a baby and raised in the church is kind of hilarious to me because of adult converts envy over the cradle catholic is contradictory to their desire to raise their own children catholic (thereby raising cradle catholics)

like what do you want me to do about it i’m sorry you didn’t go to catholic school and latin mass dressed up in bed sheets as saints when you were 13 not really much i can say

[givemearmstopraywith]

I often find myself having mixed feelings about my relationship with christianity. I love who god and jesus are and what the bible stands for and its teachings, but I feel guilty for not fitting in at church (I’ve been to multiple churches growing up, and even now at my family’s current one I still feel like an outcast- which is funny considering that’s who churches are for). I want it to be enough for me to just love god but I feel I can’t do that, especially since my current church teaches that you can’t have a relationship with christ if you don’t go to church. I see god’s people in church and I feel so disconnected with them, and I wonder if I’m doing something wrong and if I really *can’t* have a relationship with him if I’m not like them

churches have evolved to be about power. post-reformational, enlightenment developments in the church as an ecumenical body, on one side, opened more readily to the laity the mysteries of church, scripture, and sacrament. but this opening was simultaneously inoculated against any revolutionary impulse that might be ignited by the idea of a personal relationship with God by the institution– one which is about power, which is patriarchal and authoritative. it instituted an anesthetizing repression in which the personal and private element of faith that had once been part of devotion for clergy was not opened up to the laity but dissolved entirely. this element of personal faith constituted an unusualness, an autonomy, of erotic impulse too dangerous to allowed to proliferate in civilization at large unless it could be commodified, unless it was exploitable, made people submissive and easily persuaded. an example of this is the slave bible, which removed passages about equality and freedom from bondage in bibles intended for use by enslaved africans in the british west indies, in order to prevent them from having any idea that God, not man, was the ultimate authority: that anyone could have a relationship with God that was personal, private, empowering, and ultimately revolutionary.

conservative christianity, both protestant and catholic, responds to independent and personal faith as a kind of fetish rather than as a legitimate religious expression. i'm not saying the church you attend is conservative, but this is a fairly universal tack in all churches, because all churches are built on hierarchical authorities and require human forms of submission to that authority to remain vital and exert control. i do not hate the church, i love it, but i also recognize that it often stands more as an impediment for people gaining a closeness with God more than it acts as a means of bringing them closer to him.

in matthew 18:6, jesus says:

if any of you put a stumbling-block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea.

in this passage, christ is specifically talking about children. but spiritually, we are all and are always children. i approach primarily theology through psychoanalysis, and one thing about children is that in their development they are disposed to see themselves and their mother- their nurturer- as part of them. separation is learned. maturation is learning how to be a part of and connect to the world while neither consuming it wholly for oneself nor being absolutely consumed by it. as simone weil says, to eat without being eaten. our spirituality, our connection to God, is similar: we recognize that we are made in God's image a priori, we may recognize our communion with him as private and beautiful, and separation is learned. we are made in God's image and our separation from him comes after: it is a human institution. all separations, not only in terms of personal relationships but in terms of christian conservatism, militancy, and nationalism. all separations are learned and human.

but simone weil also says: every separation is a link. our separation from God is our link to him, because we are separated from God but God is also separated from us. and our separation from other people is their separation from us. our innate state of being, our longing as human beings, is a longing for connection. but it is precisely this separation that is our communion. maybe the church you currently attend is not a good spiritual home for you, but that does not mean that you don't have a spiritual home. christ spent much time alone: he spent forty days in the desert, but a day is a thousand years to God: he has spent an eternity away from his creation, made in his image, whom he looked at and saw was good as he is good. the hebrew bible says tov, not only good as in physically good and beautiful to look at, or good as in virtuous, but good as in a fertile land, as in good gold. intrinsically good. creatively good. the first thing God asks of man is a question of companionship: humanity is capable of creating communion because that is what God does. but first, humanity- and God- were lonely.

your loneliness, your sense that you do not belong, is as profoundly a part of God as you are, as goodness is. don't be afraid of it and don't let how others behave convince you that you deserve loneliness. (God did not accept loneliness nor think we deserved it: that is the story of christ.) you will find a place meant for you. for now, lean on God: he is leaning on you. you will find your place, your heart, your love. christ also felt disconnected from his own community: a prophet is never recognized in his own town. you'll find your way. i love you.

[grigori77]

2024 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 3)

10. HERETIC – I’ve never considered myself to be a very religious person, I’ve always preferred to just be spiritual and not worry too much about the specifics of what might come after we die, so my particular relationship with organised religion has always been pretty academic. So I’ve always looked on the particularly interesting case of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints from a distance, not judging them on the controversies or the running jokes from those outside of it, which made this deep-dive through the lens of psychological horror quite fascinating. Sophie Thatcher (who I completely fell in love with as an actress when I first saw her in Prospect and hasn’t disappointed me once since) and Chloe East (who I first saw in the criminally overlooked The Wolf of Snow Hollow) are Mormon missionaries Sister Barnes and Sister Paxton, who come to the home of Mr Reed (Hugh Grant) looking to convert him to their faith. At first it seems cosy and intriguing, as their verbose and highly intelligent host engages them in a fascinating debate about the values and tenets of their church, but as time passes they grow more uneasy, little hints telling them something is terribly wrong. But when they want to leave he won’t let them out, instead ensnaring them in a far more troubling debate about the nature of belief itself, and it finally dawns on them that they’re both in very real danger … I don’t want to give any more away, this is definitely a film which lives and dies on its surprises so I won’t betray any of the myriad skilful twists and turns the razor sharp screenplay takes. The writer-director duo of Scott Beck and Bryan Woods have been impressing me for a while already, first coming to my attention by conceiving the original story that John Krasisnki went on to refine into A Quiet Place before going on to create 2023’s criminally overlooked sci-fi thriller 65 and penning unsettling Stephen King adaptation The Boogeyman,but this goes WAY BEYOND anything I’ve seen from them so far, the pair seeming to have progressed in leaps and bounds in the creation of what has to be one of the smartest and most downright ORIGINAL horror movies I’ve seen in absolutely AGES. They weave an atmosphere of pregnant dread that slowly blooms into deep existential horror when the big reveal comes, while asking far more profound questions than the already weighty central concept originally promised, ultimately making some particularly astute points that genuinely left me a little mind-blown for a good while after, ably supported in what’s essentially a three-hander by some truly exceptional tour-de-force performances – seriously, the small but EXTREMELY POTENT main cast are ON FIRE, Thatcher and East effortlessly supporting each other as their characters’ seemingly disparate personalities turn out to be perfectly complimentary, making it VERY EASY for us to root for them, while Grant is simply MESMERISING in what may well be the very best performance I’ve EVER seen him deliver, at once affably charming and unsettlingly threatening with nary any warning about which way he’s about to turn. This is a truly TERRIFYING piece of work, but more than that it’s incredibly challenging and thought-provoking too, a fiendishly smart little indie horror that deserves to be a proper MASSIVE hit, marking a major turning point for two filmmakers I’ve already come to admire a great deal. If this really is an honest indicator of what they’re TRULY capable of, then I’m beyond excited for what they do next ...

9. KINGDOM OF THE PLANET OF THE APES – Matt Reeves is a tough act to follow, even before The Batman he was already blowing us away with his star-making directorial breakthrough helming Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and its follow-up War For the Planet of the Apes. The conclusion of that latter film put a very definitive exclamation point on one of the best cinematic trilogies of the 2010s, making ANY attempts to continue the rebooted franchise a tough prospect indeed, and something that even a seasoned filmmaker might balk at. But when I heard the proposed new trilogy, set hundreds of years after the events of War, would be directed by Wes Ball, I breathed a big sigh of relief – he did an INCREDIBLE job with the sci-fi trilogy adapting YA novelist James Dashner’s popular Maze Runner series, so I knew the saga was in very good hands indeed. Having come up in visual effects, Ball’s always maintained a very strong balance between physical and digital filmmaking, so he was certainly up to the challenge of bringing a new generation of photorealistic, vitally ALIVE super-intelligent talking apes to the big screen, as well as putting his flesh-and-blood actors through their paces with similar skill and flair. Most important, though, this film introduces a new lead protagonist who’s definitely got what it takes to succeed Andy Serkis’ mesmerizing Caesar in a new story, Owen Teague (It, I See You, Inherit the Viper, Black Mirror) thoroughly impressing in his first lead role as Noa, an uncertain young chimpanzee from an isolated tribal clan forced to grow up fast when his people are stolen in one terrifying night by masked ape raiders, leaving him to follow their trail with only intellectual orangutan Raka (The Orville’s Peter Macon) and an unusually smart “echo” (basically what humans have become since they lost their speech and intelligence) named Mae (The Witcher’s Freya Allan) to count as allies. Macon is a thoroughly endearing presence throughout, while Allan delivers a fascinatingly complex performance that fuels many of the film’s most interesting twists (although I’m sure you can spot one or two coming ahead of time); and then there’s Kevin Durand, who’s clearly having a whale of a time getting his teeth into a rewardingly robust screen villain in the form of Proximus Caesar, an ambitious bonobo warlord who’s using a corrupted version of his namesake’s teachings to build a tyrannical empire of oppressed apes – he’s not quite as compelling an antagonist as Toby Kebbell’s Koba, but serves most admirably indeed here. Altogether, this film definitely had A LOT of heavy lifting to do to even APPROACH the heights of Reeves’ tenure on the franchise, and Ball and screenwriter Josh Friedman (War of the Wolds, Terminator: Dark Fate, Avatar: The Way of Water) have risen to the task in fine style, delivering a thrilling, affecting and inventive epic action adventure which skilfully builds on the framework provided by the previous trilogy while courageously forging ahead into the future, leaving room to venture forward into exciting further instalments. Ultimately this isn’t QUITE as good as Dawn or even War, but with this the saga remains as rewarding, compelling and majestic as ever, and I see great promise in its future …

8. KUNG FU PANDA 4 – The Dragon Warrior is back once again for a long-awaited fourth adventure, and while there’s always room for more of my second favourite Dreamworks animated franchise there are strong indicators that this could well be the last, and if it is, it would certainly be a worthy bow-out for one of my favourite anthropomorphic movie characters. The eponymous martial arts master, Po (the boundlessly endearing Jack Black, inexhaustibly effervescent as always), is at the height of his astounding abilities, and his crabby red panda mentor Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) thinks it’s time for him to take his place as the spiritual leader of the Valley of Peace, while also choosing a successor to begin training as the new Dragon Warrior. Po, however, couldn’t be more against this particular idea, since there’s nothing he loves more than kicking butt and taking names (although he’s never been very good at the latter), so when it seems like his old foe Tai Lung (a welcome return for the great Ian McShane) has returned he jumps at the chance to investigate. Instead he discovers that there’s a new threat out there – a shapeshifting sorceress known as The Chameleon (Viola Davis) has taken control of the distance metropolis of Juniper City, making it her base of operations from which to launch her nefarious plan to reach into the Spirit World and steal the Kung Fu of ever master villain there. Po’s only hope of defeating her is to enlist the very reluctant help one of the city’s residents, a nefarious corsac fox thief named Zhen (Awkwafina) who may prove more of a handful than he bargained for … the series continues to fire on all cylinders with all prerequisite elements functioning exactly as they should – the franchise may have peaked with the second film, but they’ve maintained an impressive level of quality throughout, and this fourth entry definitely measures up very well in comparison, regardless of what some naysayers may have said. This is just as amusing, ingenious, exciting and visually arresting as previous outings, and rather than stripping away much of the fun by leaving the Furious Five out this time round, the story’s a good deal tighter and much more focused, rightly focusing on the relationship that develops between Po and Zhen as they go from rivals to uneasy allies to true friends in very organic fashion. It certainly helps that the two leads have such strong chemistry – Black’s having as much fun as ever while his creation remains his adorably geeky self, while Awkwafina brings plenty of likeable sass and snark to proceedings, and they gel very effectively over the course of the film. Davis, meanwhile, creates a compelling villain with strong motives for her dastardly plot, while there’s quality support from returning voices like Hoffman alongside Bryan Cranston and James Hong as Po’s two dads Li Shan and Mr Ping and series newcomers such as Ke Huy Quan, fresh from his post-Everything Everywhere All At Once success as Zhen’s estranged pangolin mentor Han. Granted, ultimately this feels like just a lot more of the same, but when the end results are still so consistent there’s no real room for complaint, and as far as I’m concerned the series remains as strong as it was when it started, from the gorgeous animation and stylish design to the exquisitely executed action and, once again, a spectacular score from Hans Zimmer, this time joined by regular collaborator Steve Mazzaro (the highlight here is a truly WILD orchestral rendition of Ozzy Osbourne’s Crazy Train during the film’s best set-piece). Ultimately, if this really IS the end of the franchise, it’s a fitting place to call it a day, although I’m sure I’m not alone in hoping for a little more, and there’s definitely a strong indicator where they COULD go from here …

7. A QUIET PLACE: DAY ONE – It’s interesting, most of the time when you get a really great movie that becomes a big hit and spawns a franchise, THE LAST THING it needs is a prequel, and oftentimes when it DOES happen it feels like a shoehorned mess or even a disrespectful retcon (they can’t ALL be Furiosa, after all). A Quiet Place was never one of those – right from the start it was clear that how it all began was going to be JUST as interesting as where the original story was going, a fact that was DEFINITELY reinforced when Part Two dropped that TERRIFYING flashback cold open. So when this finally arrived I was FIRST in my local queue, raring to go and so unswervingly excited that anything less than amazing was liable to be a disappointment. Thankfully it turned out to be EVERYTHING I was hoping for – this is a super trim 99 minutes of knuckle-whitening terror with a (by now, not really all that) surprising amount of emotional power packed in, one of those films that brings you to tears when it’s not scaring the living bejeezuz out of you, just like the first two. Lupita Nyong’o is a breath of fresh air as our new lead protagonist, Samira, a world-weary young New Yorker who’s been beaten down by a life of tragedy and chronic pain from the very same kind of advanced cancer that killed her beloved father, only to find a reason to stay alive (at least for a few more days) when the sound-seeking murder-beasts crash-land in the middle of the loudest city in the world and instantly go apeshit from all the noise. Stranger Things’ Joseph Quinn, meanwhile, puts us through the emotional wringer right from his entrance as Eric, a timid Brit law student whose anxiety is going THROUGH THE ROOF as this all goes off around him, forced to find inner reserves of courage he never knew he had after he latches onto Sam as she makes her way across the city in search of the last slice she’ll ever be able to get from her favourite Harlem pizzeria. There are equally heartfelt turns from Alex Wolff (Hereditary, Jumanji, Pig) as Reuben, Sam’s put-upon hospice nurse, and Djimon Hounsou, showing how his character started his own apocalyptic struggle as Part Two’s Henri, but perhaps the biggest stars of this film are, unsurprisingly, Nico and Schnitzel, a pair of tuxedo cats who perfectly portrayed the role of Frodo, Sam’s service cat, who’s probably THE MOST CHILLED-OUT feline I have EVER SEEN in a movie, and definitely one of the cutest. Ultimately this is an absolute TRIUMPH for its breakout writer-director, Michael Sarnoski, whose INSANELY impressive feature debut Pig already made him one to watch back in 2021, and he definitely did the original property justice while carving his own equally impressive path in the franchise. The end result, then, is a welcome addition to an already INCREDIBLE horror movie series, and definitely a strong contender for the genre’s movie of the year.

6. DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE – Damn … if ever there was a movie that I really can’t say much of ANYTHING about for fear of dropping spoilers, even if most of the core fandom has already seen it … this is an IMPORTANT MOVIE, maybe the most important of the past year, because the MCU has been on the rocks of late, despite Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 going a long way to setting its fortunes back on the right track (but then that one has very much been considered a BLIP, really), and this one looks to have SINGLEHANDEDLY knocked the whole mess back on the right track while simultaneously mercilessly ripping the piss out of the whole debacle. No, I mean IT REALLY DOES, there isn’t A SINGLE STONE that the Merc With a Mouth leaves unturned in his quest for meta-fuelled irreverence (except maybe that dead Celestial poking out of the Pacific that NOBODY seems to be talking about after Eternals … or maybe I missed a joke somewhere). Anyway, this is EVERY BIT as good as James Gunn’s third and final feature for the franchise, as well as another SUPER-solid entry in what was already Fox’s now expired X-Verse’s most popular series, but most importantly it’s also an EXTREMELY successful bridging film between that and the flagging Marvel Cinematic Universe, the perfect way to bring Mutantkind into the franchise with the least amount of fuss. That being said, the BIG attraction here is getting to see two of Marvel’s biggest heavyweights going head-to-head in one movie, and of course beating seven shades of shit out of each other while they’re at it. If you will … yeah, if you haven’t seen it yet and don’t want to get spoiled, you really should jump off at this point and just GO SEE FOR YOURSELF, safe in the knowledge that it’s a fucking AWESOME movie and you won’t be disappointed. Now SHOO!!! Be off with you … okay, still here? Right then, watch me try to be as spoiler-light as I can moving forward … as much as Wade Wilson and Logan may be the very EPITOME of chalk-and-cheese onscreen, behind the scenes Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman have got on like a house on fire for a while now, ever since the former started lovingly teasing the latter in the first Deadpool movie and started his long-running campaign to lure the original Marvel Movie superstar into a big screen team-up, so

it comes as NO SURPRISE that they’re both clearly having the time of their lives finally working together. Their chemistry in this is OFF THE CHARTS, the pair trading razor sharp quips, dirty looks and well-deserved face-punches with gleeful abandon from their first scene together RIGHT to the end, while the incredibly strong screenplay from Reynolds, series regulars Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, Robot Chicken’s Zeb Wells and the film’s director Shawn Levy (who previously worked with Reynolds on Free Guy and The Adam Project, as well as Jackman on Real Steel) definitely gives them a really big Multiversal playground to let loose in, all while doing a really beautiful job of taking the baggage that the current condition of the MCU property’s left the franchise in and stuffing it all into what’s always been a much more stable (if also far less RESPECTFUL) cinematic sandbox. There are easter eggs galore, both overt and a whole lot more subtle throughout, especially during an extended sojourn in the Void (the TVA’s pruning dumping ground) which not only introduces a few fun (relative) new faces (including at least one X-Men franchise missed opportunity AS WELL as the VERY welcome return of my very favourite Marvel mutant of them all – so nice to see you back, Laura! Sure hope you get to stick around for more) but also a bunch of fan favourites from across Fox’s Marvel pantheon, and as far as I’m concerned there ain’t a single bum note in the entire symphony here! Certainly this is BY FAR the funniest Deadpool movie so far (which is saying something), but that’s not really surprising since Shawn Levy has consistently proven to be one of the VERY BEST cinematic comedy directors out there (especially with his consistently high quality Night At the Museum series), so this is just another day at the office for him, and he definitely delivered something TRULY SPECIAL here. This is THE MOST I laughed at the cinema this past year, but thankfully like its predecessors it’s got plenty of emotional heft on offer too, meaning that it definitely fits in JUST FINE with the best that its new peers in the MCU have to offer. Topping this off with a selection of genuinely BRILLIANT soundtrack needle-drops (particularly in the thoroughly irreverent and MASSIVELY disrespectful opening title sequence which sees Wade mercilessly desecrating one of Marvel’s most sacred cows) and a genuinely moving closing credits farewell homage to Fox’s Marvel legacy, the filmmakers have done their material so very proud as well as opened the door to so many fresh possibilities in the Marvel Cinematic Universe moving forward, and I for one hope this is a sign that things really are FINALLY back on the right track for the series. Now if they could just get that Blade reboot out of Development Hell (wink wink) …

5. THE WILD ROBOT – My animated feature of 2024 pretty much came out of nowhere to steal my heart in the closing months of the year, a truly spellbinding work of art which made me cry MULTIPLE TIMES through its hundred-odd minute runtime. Writer-director Chris Sanders, who already had strong form bringing us to tears helming Lilo & Stitch and the first How To Train Your Dragon film, continues to manipulate our emotions without mercy by introducing us to Roz (Lupita Nyong’o), a caretaker robot who’s part of a shipwrecked cargo consignment which washes up on the shores of a deserted forest island. After being accidentally activated, she follows her prime directives and goes in search of someone to assign her a task, but with only animals around her she finds this is a far harder prospect than she has any kind of programming to compute. Ultimately her journey finds her taking accidental responsibility for a lone gosling, Brightbill, forcing her to rewrite her core programming and become something more than a mere thinking machine as she discovers what it really means to become a parent. Roz is a magnificent creation, endearingly fallible as she goes far beyond her initial capabilities without ever losing her core principles to help those around her by any means necessary, and in a way this is just what ultimately makes her such a great mother; Brightbill, on the other hand, is a wonderfully complex character in his own right, perfectly encapsulating the various evolutions a child goes through from sweet innocent to awkward, uncertain teen, with Kit Connor getting to build upon his similarly exceptional vocal work on His Dark Materials; Pedro Pascal, meanwhile, is very much the third part of the heart of the film as Fink, the wily fox almost universally hated by the island’s animal population, who goes from initially trying to take advantage of Roz for his own gain while helping her navigate the wild world she’s found herself thrust into to genuinely coming to love and depend on her while becoming just as much of a loving parent to Brightbill. The rest of the cast is pretty stacked too, rounded out with stellar turns from Catherine O’Hara, Bill Nighy, Stephanie Hsu (Everything Everywhere All At Once), Mark Hammill and, best of all, a particular scene stealing performance from the ever reliable Matt Berry. Not only is this a really excellent example of how to do a perfect family film, it’s ultimately one of the most perfect FILMS I’ve seen this past year, PERIOD, incredibly well written and directed with particularly inspired flair, gob-smacking gorgeous compositions and complex but rewardingly clear thematic insight, Sanders and co delivering something which is so much more than the sum of its already quite superior parts. Perfectly pitched in its humour, wonder and pure, beautiful HEART, this is an undeniable MASTERPIECE of the animated art-form, and I really cannot possibly praise it ENOUGH. This is one of those films that deserves to be seen by EVERYONE ...

4. CIVIL WAR – Alex Garland is a filmmaker I’ve been a big fan of since before he even WAS a filmmaker, back when he was just writing screenplays for the likes of 28 Days Later and Sunshine. That being said, he’s consistently blown us away ever since he covertly took the reins for 2012’s criminally overlooked Dredd (I’m definitely inclined to believe the rumours that he actually helmed that one himself, since it’s SO MUCH an Alex Garland movie), rightly wowing audiences with both ex_machina and Annihilation (Men was, ultimately, TOO strong and visceral an experience for me to really LIKE, but I must admit I was definitely IMPRESSED by it), so I was already onboard for this one even before the genuinely exciting first trailer starting making the rounds. But even if I hadn’t already known his work, I definitely would’ve been up for this truly fascinating premise – set in an uncomfortably believable near future (especially given where the current US political system looks to be heading), it follows a quartet of journalists as they travel into the war-torn heart of an America ravaged by a potent clash between the loyal forces of an authoritarian President who’s refused to step down after the end of his official term (Nick Offerman) and a coalition of secessionist states determined to oust him and his administration. Kirsten Dunst leads the cast with what might be the best performance of her career as Lee Smith, a cynical photojournalist with a fearsome reputation, joining her longtime work-partner Joel (Narcos’ Wagner Moura, effortlessly charming and lovably cocky as an unapologetic adrenaline junkie) in his quest to interview the President before he’s forcibly removed from Office; tagging along, meanwhile, are Sammy (a typically charismatic and stately turn from the mighty Stephen McKinley Henderson), a world-weary veteran reporter who’s just hitching a ride to the front lines of the conflict, and Jessie Cullen (Priscilla’s Cailee Spaeny, sweet and naïve but with a deep reserve of feeling), a wannabe photojournalist who idolises Lee and is determined to prove herself to her hero, even if it ends up getting her killed. Through their experiences on the open road and the various events they witness, we watch this terrifying war unfold as it builds to its powerful endgame, moving from the wilds of Upstate New York to the streets of Washington itself, and it’s brought home in genuinely harrowing detail just what a nightmare this could well be if it really does happen. Garland’s certainly not pulling ANY punches here, clearly fundamentally aware of where America might end up if we don’t wise up REAL QUICK (although by this point I wonder if the warning came a bit TOO LATE), while also delivering an endlessly fascinating dystopian action thriller for good measure, packed with stunning explosive action sequences and at least one genuinely UNBEARABLE scene of proper pants-wetting pregnant implied threat (those who know will already know), all while making us really THINK thanks to a particularly shrewd and fiendishly subversive screenplay, and even offering up moments of incongruous aching beauty in the midst of all the chaos, much as he did on Annihilation. Ultimately this is a perfect demonstration of a master filmmaker reaching the very height of his powers, final confirmation, if it was even NEEDED any more, that Garland is one of the most original and challenging cinematic storytellers out there right now.

3. REBEL RIDGE – I’ve been a pretty massive fan of writer-director Jeremy Saulnier ever since I first stumbled across his very original indie thriller Blue Ruin, and that love grew consistently with his next two feature films (Green Room and Hold the Dark) and the first two episodes of True Detective season 3. So I was VERY EXCITED when I learned he was returning to the big screen (sort of) with his second collaboration with Netflix … but I really wasn’t prepared for what was to come, which is essentially HIS VERY BEST FILM YET!!! Seriously, this is a stone cold MASTERPIECE, not just the best screen thriller of 2024 but one of the VERY BEST for the decade so far, and to be honest one of my biggest takeaways from it wound up being what a criminal shame it was that this DIDN’T release in theatres! The Underground Railroad’s Aaron Pierre (soon to be seen as the new Green Lantern in the upcoming DCU TV series) stars as former US Marine Corps instructor Terry Richmond, who finds himself the victim of an unfair civil forfeiture of funds which he intended to use to bail out his little brother during a seemingly routine traffic stop in the small Louisiana town of Shelby Springs. Backed into a corner, he attempts to come to an arrangement to get the money back from local police chief Sandy Burne (Don Johnson), who instead gives him the runaround just because he can, which just makes things SO MUCH WORSE, because it turns out that Richmond really isn’t the kind of person you screw around with … starting subtly, this is a wonderful exercise in increasing stakes and cranking tension, Saulnier letting the story and characters breathe first while slowly revealing just what a serious BADASS the main protagonist actually is before FINALLY letting him off the chain in SPECTACULAR style, and the film is all the better for the time taken to establish just how badly these ignorant, self-entitles racist cops have fucked up before it finally all goes off BIG TIME. Of course it helps that Pierre is SO GOOD at being quiet, still and oh so patient, doing so much with a simple look or gesture to deliver a genuine MASTERCLASS in subtlety while letting his showier cast-mates let off some cracking performative fireworks around him. Johnson is, as always, AMAZING, portraying a pitch-perfect entitled douchebag villain that it’s so easy to love to hate, and David Denman (13 Hours, Brightburn, The Equalizer 3) and Emory Cohen (The Place Beyond the Pines, The OA) both shine bright as the two very different patrol cops who kick this whole mess off in the first place, while AnnaSophia Robb (yes, that IS the little girl from Bridge to Terabithia) is the film’s only real ray of light as local courthouse clerk Summer McBride, the one friend that Richmond has in this whole shitshow, often very much to her own detriment. This is essentially a PERFECT THRILLER, Saulnier having basically unlocked the ideal blueprint for how to wring tension and dread out of a seemingly everyday miscarriage of justice in America and showing how, when the wrong person’s pushed too far, it can go so terribly wrong for EVERYBODY. No surprise, then, that this film has been very favourably compared to First Blood, and indeed this does feel like a very natural successor to that action cinema classic, albeit one which is much better suited for today’s far more morally ambiguous cinematic landscape. Needless to say Saulnier really does deserve to become a proper MEGASTAR filmmaker because of this, and I’m just happy to have been proved right for all the faith I’ve had in him over the years ...

2. DUNE, PART TWO – As if there was ever any doubt, after the already amazing first part made its KILLER debut back in late 2021 … no, it was a foregone conclusion that the second half of writer-director Denis Villeneuve’s immensely ambitious adaptation of one of his very favourite books OF ALL TIME, Frank Herbert’s genuine game-changer space opera Dune, would be JUST as incredible as the first, and it thrills me to no end that that proved to be entirely the case. After all, this is also MY favourite book of all time, if they’d f£$%ed it up I would have been more heartbroken than I could possibly imagine, so Villeneuve and co have made me a VERY HAPPY BUNNY INDEED!!! Picking up RIGHT where the first film left off, we return to the desert world of Arrakis tens of centuries into the future, with young Paul Atreides (Timothee Chalamet), now the Duke of an all-but-eradicated Galactic noble House, and his mother, the Bene Gesserit holy woman Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson), forced to hide among the desert tribes of the Fremen, hatching a desperate plan to take revenge on the monstrous Harkonnens and seize control of the planet, its massively lucrative trade in the obscenely valuable spice Melange, and through it the Galactic Empire in its entirety. To do so, Paul must use his growing prescient abilities to convince the Fremen that he is the Kwisatz Haderach, their prophesied messiah, but he’s keenly aware that this means walking a deadly knife’s edge in order to prevent triggering a bloody Holy War that will burn half the known Universe … once again, Chalamet and Ferguson are the beating heart of the story, both acquitting themselves admirably throughout as they perfectly encapsulate the myriad complexities of their characters, but this time round they’re finally joined by Zendaya, barely glimpsed in the first film but now brought front and centre as the emotional CRUX of the film in the role of Chani, the free-spirited and stubborn Fremen warrior Paul falls in love with as he learns to become a true denizen of Arrakis; other old faces return too, with Josh Brolin bringing a roguish twinkle and welcome sense of humour to proceedings as the exiled Atreides warmaster Gurney Halleck, and Stellan Skarsgård once again chills our blood as the repellent Baron Vladimir Harkonnen. More newcomers make their presence felt throughout, however, with Florence Pugh particularly standing out as Princess Irulan, the fiercely intelligent daughter of the Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV (Christopher Walken, nowhere NEAR the bum note some have made him out to be), although the true shining star among the new cast (beside Zendaya, at least) is Austin Butler (Elvis), enthusiastically sinking his teeth deep into the meaty role of the Baron’s viciously sadistic sociopathic nephew Feyd Rautha. Once again Villeneuve has done his dream project justice in EVERY conceivable aspect, continuing to pay truly REVERENT respect to the source material as he makes Herbert’s incredibly rich universe live and breathe on the screen, the peerless production and costume design, visual effects and cinematography never hitting a single off-note in any scene, while the screenplay perfectly translates the weighty themes, compelling narrative and shocking twists into a deeply involving cinematic tour-de-force that keeps you invested throughout its seemingly brisk and pacy run-time (this may be close to THREE HOURS LONG but it sure doesn’t FEEL like it), enthusiastically propelled by another MASTERPIECE score from fellow Dune superfan Hans Zimmer. This was a truly MASSIVE cinematic event that left 2024 audiences awed by the experience while also drumming some EXTREMELY weighty ideas and themes into us, as well as perfectly setting up the continuation when Villeneuve gets his already in-development adaptation of the next book in the series, Dune Messiah, off the ground. I’m definitely looking forward to that, and I know I’m not alone …

1. ALIEN: ROMULUS – Ultimately landing JUST AHEAD a certain other major genre heavyweight entry on my list for the past year, my number ONE science-fiction film of 2024 was also easily the SCARIEST movie I saw in the entire year. It’s also a very interesting and IMPORTANT film in that it goes A LONG WAY to knocking yet another major cinematic franchise back on track after spending years spiralling further and further out of true alignment. Okay, I admit it, I LIKE Prometheus a whole lot as an actual FILM, but even I can admit that IN UNIVERSE its attempts to connect with Ridley Scott’s own original masterpiece and James Cameron’s (even better) follow-up were clunky at best and downright EMBARRASSING at worst (and in the end, the less said about Alien: Covenant the better, really). So I guess it’s actually A GOOD THING that Scott took a step back into more of a producing role to allow somebody else to take the reins for this sort-of soft reboot, and it turns out that Fede Alvarez, writer-director of the first Evil Dead remake and Don’t Breathe (as well as the CRIMINALLY underrated The Girl In the Spider’s Web), was the PERFECT CHOICE for this job. Fitting in somewhere between the events of Alien and Aliens, Romulus sees the dastardly Weyland Yutani Corporation find the blasted remains of the Nostromo floating in deep space, as well as traces of the original xenomorph itself, which they transport to the film’s eponymous space station, in the orbit of colony world Jackson’s Star, in the hopes of exploiting the organism’s unique properties for their own gains. Something clearly goes HORRIBLY WRONG in the interim, because when a gang of opportunistic young colonists, looking for a chance to jump ship to a freer life in another system outside of Corporate control, sneak onto the station in the hopes of scavenging some cryogenic resources for their journey, they find it derelict and ravaged by some kind of horrific disaster. Then their poking around lets loose some of the fruits of the scientists’ biological labours, and before they know it they’re neck-deep in facehuggers and more than a few of their bigger brethren too … Cailee Spaeny (Priscilla, Civil War, Bad Times At the El Royale) is a surprisingly robust action heroine in the classic Ripley mould as Rain, her diminutive size belying her character’s fierce determination and wily resourcefulness; Archie Renaux (Shadow & Bone) and Isabel Merced (Sicario: Day of the Soldado, Dora & the City of Gold, Turtles All the Way Down) are both extremely likeable as Tyler and Kay, a brother and sister who are, respectively Rain’s ex-boyfriend and best friend, while Spike Fearn (Tell Me Everything) is kind of a prick as their cocky cousin Bjorn, and newcomer Aileen Wu is standoffish but precocious as talented young pilot Navarro. The real breakout star of the piece, however, has to be Rye Lane’s David Jonsson, who delivers a complex, multifaceted turn as Rain’s adopted brother Andy, a former Weyland-Yutani android dug out of a scrapheap and reprogrammed to protect her by her late father.

They’re all put through hell by the events that unfold within the faltering station, Alvarez turning the screws and fraying our nerves with his characteristic masterful skill as their situations progressively go from bad to worse to truly fucked, paying loving homage to the first two movies while also creating something new and fresh for the series if they do decide to move forward from here. Best of all, though, as he’s always done in the past he largely eschews CGI, preferring to do as much as he possibly can with physical effects, which makes the impressively icky creature work and seriously NASTY gore all the more delightfully gnarly throughout, with the film’s ONLY bum note being a particularly problematic “resurrection” choice which has already had a great deal made of it in the press, but which I, ultimately, found was actually handled surprisingly well in the end, so that it didn’t really detract very much from my personal enjoyment of the film as a whole. Rounded off with an evocative and enjoyably old school score from Benjamin Wallfisch (who clearly had a great time channelling both Jerry Goldsmith and James Horner here), this is a rousing success, a phenomenal return to form for one of my very favourite sci-fi cinematic franchises and yet another standout offering from one of the very best young turk talents working in horror cinema today. If he does indeed choose to stick with the property, I think Alvarez could well keep this series fresh and exciting for a fair few years yet.

[blogger360ncislarules]

Everyone knows that a great book can take you on an amazing journey. For actress, author and producer Roma Downey, a gift from a friend led to the new TV series The Baxters, which launches the first 10 episodes March 28 on Prime Video.

“I came to the series really as a fan of the books,” Roma tells��Woman’s World of the Karen Kingsbury series. “A friend had given me the first book, Redemption, and I was reading it on a flight from LA to New York. I just fell in love with the family. I fell in love with the characters. I thought the plots were exciting and dynamic and I just loved how relatable they all were.  It was telling the story of a family of faith. People who went to church, but not perfect people, not pious people. They are just regular people like you and me with the same problems and challenges that we all have, but they come together. Even when they don’t like each other, they always love each other. It is such a great portrayal of family.”

Roma admits as she was reading the book, the wheels started turning and she began thinking about bringing the books to the screen. “I had visuals in my mind. I thought this has to be a TV series,” Roma recalls. “So I reached out to Karen. I didn’t know her at the time, but I reached out to her and asked her if she would consider letting me have the rights to the books to bring it to the screen.”

As the two women discussed the project, Karen confided something that really touched Roma’s heart.

“Redemption was the first one I wrote about the Baxter family, and I have a picture of my dad reading it on a park bench,” Karen tells Woman’s World. “He was absorbed in it and when he got finished reading it and he said, ‘Karen, this is so good. This needs to be a TV show and you should call that Touched By an Angel woman, Roma Downey. I am confident that she would love to make a TV show on this.’ This was in 2001. I said, ‘Great idea Dad! Do you know her number because I don’t have her number?’ 

“Then fast forward. My dad had already gone to heaven, and it was maybe 2015 when I got a call from Roma Downey in that beautiful Irish voice and she said, ‘Hello Karen, I would like to have your blessing to make the Baxters into a TV show.’ I was hoping my dad had a definite window from heaven in that moment.”

Bringing The Baxters to life

“So Karen agreed to entrust me with the TV rights,” Roma continues, “and I set about gathering a fabulous team. Obviously, it takes a village to make a series and I brought in some great writers, directors and producers. Then we started casting. Karen was available for consulting whenever we needed her. She was very generous with her time and incredibly helpful during the process.

When it came to casting Elizabeth Baxter, Roma knew exactly who should play the matriarch. “I thought, I know this woman. I know her well. Maybe I should just step into this part myself,” she says. “Elizabeth has a mother’s heart, which I can relate to as a mom myself, and we see how compassionate and how much empathy she has for her children when they are going through heartache. We see how feisty she is and defensive if anybody from the outside is trying to harm any of her children.”

“Most of all what I love about her is she’s a prayer warrior,” Roma says. “She’s not afraid to stop what she’s doing and call on the Lord, call in prayer to bless her children and to watch over her family. I haven’t been on a series since I did Touched By an Angel and to be back in front of the camera, as well as behind it, was a lot of fun for me.”

Finding the perfect cast

Karen is pleased with how the show has come together. “It’s been a long journey, a long process, but I have been privileged to see everything that’s been created so far and it’s just so good,” she smiles.  “It’s griping and it’s real. There are five young adults. They are making some bad decisions. They are being human like we all are and so I feel like it’s a different kind of show where you have praying parents who are leaning in and loving and showing grace and young adults who are making their way and sometimes making the worst decision of their life, but finding the hope and grace that you only find through God and family.”

“Then when I read the book, it was just the sweet spirit of Reagan. And it was just so fun meeting Roma because I had known about Roma forever. She’s been friends with my mom [Kathie Lee Gifford], but I really appreciate the freedom that they gave me to make Reagan a little bit my own. That was wonderful.  You’re not always afforded that opportunity especially when something was adapted from a book. I just feel very, very blessed to be a part of it.”

Roma refers to the show as a “hope opera,” as opposed to a soap opera. “We see a family come together and that’s one of the lovely things about this series is that we see a family modeled well. The series plays out like a great hope opera,” she says. “We anticipate that Easter weekend there will be a lot of families across the United States curled up on their couch, in the comfort of their own homes, binging on The Baxters.

“When Karen wrote her books, she designed them in a way that you can’t wait to get to the next chapter,” Roma continues. “You want to know what happens next. You want to find out what happens next, so we obviously wanted to create that in the TV series as well that you would no sooner finish an episode then you’d want to see the next episode. With the streaming capabilities now, The Baxters will be there, already dropped and you’ll be able to binge and watch multiple episodes when it first goes up.”

The Baxters is a full family affair

Roma says over the years when fans have come up to her to talk to her about Touched By An Angel, they don’t just remember the show, but who they watched it with. It was a family affair for most people, and she’s hoping The Baxters will be as well.

“Our viewing habits have changed because people are watching things on their phone or their laptop so that family moment of coming together and watching something has altered slightly,” Roma says. “We’ve become more isolated in our viewing patterns, but my hope for The Baxters is that families will get together on the couch and make it a shared experience, and maybe say, ‘Mom, I’m coming over. Let’s watch The Baxters together,’ particularly because there are so many mother and daughter themes written into the story.”

Roma hopes the show will have broad-based appeal. “I think people of all faiths will enjoy the show because it’s relatable as a family drama,” she says. “I think that particularly people of faith will love to see our values reflected on the screen. Don’t they say the family that prays together, stays together? We’re going to see that sort of play out in The Baxters.”

[diet-jesus]

Hi! So I recently joined my Church, new to God and all 🤍 can I ask what makes you a catholic and why you chose this route? every time I ask someone what the difference is, people say it’s works-based but they just leave it at that and they never expand on it and I truly want to know if that’s okay with you! because the priest also talks about “getting grace” by the work we do at a Christian church so that also makes me confused even more. thank you and god bless you <3

Hiii ♡ long answer ahead tee hee.

Faith vs Works.

Catholics know that we need both faith and works. It’s not “I have faith in Jesus so now I can go about my merry way”. So many people profess that Jesus is Lord but they do nothing to conduct themselves as a true follower. They don’t renounce the works of the devil but instead they willingly and joyfully continue to partake in his works. They do not follow Gods will or keep his commandments nor are they working on it in private. Scripture says that if you believe in your heart and profess with your lips Jesus as Lord then you’ll be saved. We can’t isolate Bible passages and exclude others. Matthew 7:21 Not everyone who says to me “Lord, Lord” will enter the kingdom of heaven. Only those who do the will of my father in heaven. They have done no works, therefore when they call out “Lord, Lord”, they will not enter His kingdom. Believing in God is not enough, it is just step one. Faith without works is like having no faith. In James 2:24 it says that we are not saved by faith alone. Faith is needed of course, but it is not the only thing.

On the flip side, there are people who do not fully believe Jesus is Lord or believe in His kingdom. They may even acknowledge a higher power but have no faith in God in particular. They may be a truly wonderful person, honest, giving, kind, charitable, just an all around upstanding individual. A truly good person that everyone can see is an incredible testament of good character and proper morals. But they have no faith and do not profess Jesus as Lord, so their works alone will not save them.

So don’t think that there is a certain amount of charity donations you can make or x amount of days attending church that will make you holy or not. It’s not a costume that can be put on, it’s not about appearing noble in public but being a deviant in private. It’s not running wild while constantly saying “only god can judge me” when people acknowledge your bad behavior. Faith and works together is the key.

Why I am a Catholic:

Family influence

I was raised to believe in God but not necessarily under any specific denomination. My mother’s side of the family is Catholic but we have many Protestants in the family as well. Church attendance was moderate as a child but slowly weaned as I got older and my religious upbringing was more of a passive thought than an active part of my life. I think my mom was more in tuned with it years before but by the time I came around (I’m the youngest with a 15 year age gap between my oldest siblings), it just wasn’t her top priority anymore. She would gift me rosaries and religious iconography but the education wasn't there. Although I didn’t learn what it meant to be Catholic growing up, I was very familiar with aspects of it and it felt comfortable to me.

Personal exploration

As I got older, like teen years, I considered myself agnostic since I really lacked any education or understanding of God and Christianity. Like I said, we’d go to church but I didn’t get why anyone had to. I’d see my mom do a rosary but I didn’t know what any of that meant. I couldn’t claim to believe in a religion if I couldn’t tell you the first thing about it. My best friend and her family were all atheists and I spent a lot of time at their house. It almost influenced me to call myself atheist but I knew it didn’t feel right. Atheism is a direct answer to the question of do you believe in God. Agnosticism is more so when you haven’t been convinced yet but you are absolutely open to having your mind changed and accepting new information. I did some research on various religions, trying to figure out the differences and what they believe to see if I align with any of it or if I am simply a nonbeliever and of them all, the teachings of the Catholic Church are what made me feel like I finally found the truth. This did not happen overnight. It was over the course of several years.

Belief system

Getting a proper Catholic education was finding the truth. Being properly introduced to the catechism was eye opening. The words in the nicene/apostles creed perfectly align with my beliefs. You can say that there are plenty of similarities and overlaps with other Christian denominations but I’d say the main thing that makes Catholicism different is a wholehearted belief that God is present in the Eucharist and the way we celebrate that. It’s not symbolic, it’s just a cute little thing we do as an homage, He is really there. When we attend adoration, it is not worshipping a false idol, it is worshipping Him. That is one thing I can’t get from other denominations. You can mention a belief in saints, going to confession, our reverence for Mary mother of Christ, nuns, or other things also set us apart but as far as beliefs down to our core, I think it’s the way we celebrate Eucharist. That is what made me choose to be confirmed by the Catholic Church. Only by attending mass and being in a state of grace can I receive it. I can’t go to random churches and receive it. I’ve seen a church take their excess communion wafers and toss them to the birds in the back parking lot after service bc it’s just a symbolic thing to them rather than an actual belief that the Lord is present.

I hope this helped.

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 2/4

James 2 NIV

(v. 10-11) “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.”

I need to keep this in mind. All sin is seen as equal in the eyes of God. I can’t say, oh I’m good because I haven’t committed xyz sin, and yet I’m bitter, angry, judgmental, etc. Those are still sins. I am still a lawbreaker. I just haven’t put as much weight to it because I’ve convinced myself it’s fine, it’s normal. It’s not. I keep saying that I need to get to the root of it, and I believe with some of it I have. But then why do I still give in to it? Why am I so resistant? Why can’t I just let it go? I will take some time alone to go over it, trying to let it all out and ask God to help me resolve it.

(v. 14, 17-19) “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them?… In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.”

‭I should do more. I know I have my faith, but I feel as if my actions don’t always reflect that. I could be kinder, I could be more welcoming, I should share my faith more, I should excuse myself when friends or classmates are gossiping, etc. I could do more for my church too, but I’m not really sure where to start. I’ll simply place my trust in wherever God leads my life.

(v. 24, 26)

“You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone… As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.”

You need the balance of both. Faith alone is not enough to save someone. You cannot proclaim that Jesus is Lord and continue on in your life as if nothing has changed. On the other hand, you cannot be saved by works alone. There are many people in the world who wish to do good and are lovely, but they have no faith. This does not discredit what they do or the type of person they are, but it puts into question their salvation.

PRAYER

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for another day of life Lord. I’m so grateful that I get to wake up every day and have another chance. God, I thank you for the sleep I got and those few moments of peace.

God, I need your help with my sin. My anger is so easily provoked. And for the most part, I can dampen it. I can put out that fire and go about my day unbothered. However, there’s one that I can’t seem to shake and it’s really bothering me. Lord, I need your help. I thought I was good. I really thought I was fine. I remember going to you and thanking you that I was finally over it! But then this past week happened and it’s back when I thought it was resolved. God, I pray that you open my eyes to the root of this problem. That you show me what’s actually bothering me and how to resolve it because I don’t wish to feel this way.

Lord God, I pray for our drive on our way to church this morning, that we’re able to arrive safely. I also pray for the crash that caused the slowdown this morning. It looked really bad and I pray that everyone involved is safe and cared for.

God, I pray for the sermon this morning. That he is able to preach powerfully and I’ll get some new knowledge and wisdom about you and your Word. I also pray that any visitors that come out will be encouraged to study the Bible and that we may be fruitful this month!

Father, I want to thank you for my dad’s appointment today. That it’s at 4 pm and therefore I will be able to go with him. Thank you for answering that prayer!! I pray that whatever news the doctor gives us, we will be able to handle it well and resolve and withstand it together as a family. I really don’t want to lose my dad yet God. He means so much to me and I pray that you continue to give Him as many years with us as is your will.

Lord, I want to pray for the rest of my day. That I am able to relax, but also be productive. That I can prepare properly for the busy week I have ahead of me. I pray for my week as well. I know I was very stressed out this past week, thinking it looked impossible. But you pulled me through it as you always do! And I’m asking you do the same this week because it’s so much busier with more early morning wake ups. Please God, help me get through it without breaking down.

I love you dearly and I pray this all in Jesus name,

Amén.

[eight-twenty]

Most days in my head i am a coming of age main character in a county in Ireland; smoking cigarettes i hate, with fringe bangs too short, a mentality too mature for people my age, still swallowed by catholic guilt. And this is an entry to her diary.

This is a work of fiction—a creative exercise if you will—and I mean no disrespect to the Irish language, I admire it so much in fact. Sure I only sound more defensive saying that.

———————————

3rd Sunday of August.

Ah, today’s a Sunday, but I dodged church, blaming it on period cramps, much to me mother’s dismay. I haven’t missed it yet. Not technically as I’m writing this. Ma’s always keen on being an hour early to church. She already left. Normally she would have called out my bluff and would’ve said a homily’s worth about how the Lord only asks an hour of my day. But today she surprisingly was calm about the idea of her only daughter potentially heading to hell.

I’m feeling to knackered to practice my faith today—I haven’t been devout for long. It shouldn’t be so exhausting to sin, considering I’m less Catholic by the day. Should feel less buggered to Skip holy the Sabbath day. Bah. It’s more sin to be a hypocrite in church. If anything, I should feel less guilty about it.

I only go church to please me Ma. Sorry, God, but I reckon I worship me mother more, even if we rarely see eye to eye. We don’t necessarily fight. But we don’t also talk about boys I fancy over a cup of tea. My mother is a fucking saint. So regardless of me being a good daughter by the book (really good grades, no drugs, home by reasonable hours, hormones in control, etc.), I am always a hair out of place closer to hell in her standards. This week most especially.

Me mother found me pack of cigarettes. She did not know I’ve been smoking—at least not in her presence just yet. She found it while she was sorting my pile of clothes for laundry last Friday. I forgot I stashed one in the front pocket of my jacket. Could’ve blamed it on Madison (Ma always thought I was too good to be her friend), but I was too exhausted to lie. I feel the disappointment in her, the way she placed it on me bedside table (placed, not thrown. On the table, not garbage bin) and walked out of the room (she did not close the doors, she did not also slam it shut).

The pack is there on the table exactly the way she left it. Pretty sure there was a lighter in the pockets. Wonder what she has done with that. If she used it to burn my clothes, fair enough. But they’re drying under the sunlight outside. I’m not sure if her disappointment stems from the idea of her daughter trying to kill her self with every pack smoked or if she’s disappointed because I turned out to be just like me dad.

I don’t even like smoking because it reminds me of dad. I don’t even think it’s cool. I am not trying to be poetic about it. But I hate being stuck in social situations more, and the excuse to smoke has been my only reprieve. I guess I’d literally rather off myself than admit I hate going out with me mates. There’s a difference between hating the social situations you’re forced to be in to fit in versus hating the people. I love ‘em, but rather unfortunate or me that their idea of having fun involves a dance floor and bursting one’s eardrums out. Like me faith I guess, I do believe in a being bigger than me (than all of us), but do I really have to display it so dutifully in pews and choir songs.

I’ve been using smoke breaks as an excuse to break away from it all while still participating to be part of the gang. Disappearing without the need to declare my exit and to reappear only when I felt the need to. “Oh she’s out for a smoke.” “Oh she may not be coming back”

It started when I went out from the club because I couldn’t stand Marianne’s cousin breathing down my neck. Instead of decking him, I went out in the guise of a ‘smoke break’. Thank the lord he does not smoke—had a case of asthma I heard. Maybe I should’ve pressured him for a smoke.

I merely wanted to just give my selves a few minutes of outside air. I pretended I was looking for a pack in my empty pockets. But like some angel in disguise, a hand offered me a pack “have some” like it were a pack of gum. “Thanks” I said and it was lit up while I tried to put the stick in my mouth. Surprisingly, I did not cough up. I was actually good at it. Being good at something (even if it is smoking) is addictive.

Had a grand time in the smoker’s area. No one felt the need to talk to me, I didn’t feel obligated either. There was a communal exchange of light and the consentual exchange of poisonous air. A safe haven of people who just want to bugger off. It felt nice. Felt worth burning me lungs for this respite.

Maybe that was my church. Because church pretty much had the same aesthetic, smoke from the incense and the communal religious experience of escaping from the real world.

I pray mother knows that I’m not doing this to anger her, not specifically. But god did I feel so guilty. The 4th commandment didn’t exactly say Honor Your Mother and Father by not smoking. But it feels like it does.

Bless me mother for I have sinned, I meant for you to find me pack of smokes so you’d expect less of me and see more of me as a person who only looks like me dad but is hell-bent not to become the person he is (or was).

Ever wonder if I’d l believe in the concept of sin if I wasn’t raised catholic?

Feck this catholic guilt. No this isn’t catholic guilt. I’m not feeding more into the institution’s ego. It’s me being me ma’s good daughter. Feck it, I’m off to church.

[through-being-a-christian]

i’ve never really Told my testimony before, because i’m not sure how much of one it is to even be called one?

but this my story / testimony(?), but vague enough for privacy:

I grew up in church, always dressed up and whatnot by my mom for Sunday school and our church’s biblical version of Boy/Girl Scouts. And being honest, I don’t remember much of these years ( Not for any bad reason I assure you!!! ), because I was young and had/have bad memory about the mundane parts of my childhood. I think that I believed in God? But maybe I only did because that’s what my family and friends all believed in, but I’ll never be sure.

When I moved states in 2016, I was probably cursing God because “How could He do this to me? To rip me from my friends and family so suddenly? (it was a period of a few months btw). I’ll never recover from this and will never forgive my parents >:(“ I lost all my friends and family in a matter of months, and was forced to make new friends at this prison-like middle school all alone, knowing absolutely no one and being so alone. This was probably when my depression started to make its way into my mind. I would like to mention in advance that I have been diagnosed with ADHD and General Anxiety Disorder since just before the Move.

I would say seventh grade is when I realized I was apart of the LGBTQ+ community, and this was a big realization. I wasn’t unaware of the community, my uncles were gay and they were married, so why would I have a problem with it? Then the Internet told me the whole “The Bible says its a Sin and its best not to associate with Christians as a queer” debacle (Not even going to talk about Westboro like dang). And that is probably when I started to question my faith.

I was listening to the anti-religious queer users online, and never looked at the Christian side of the argument, and yet I was trying to decide what I’d devote my time to. It ended up that I decided I was going to live for myself, not for others, and certainly not for God. The only reason I was still going to youth group, and church in general, at this point was because I had made a really close friend. That should be great, right? Except looking back, she only enabled and encouraged my turn to witchcraft in high school.

In high school, I was so deep into social media under the name Haelea because my name wasn’t “given to me with consent,” and I had started an altar and began my journey down witchcraft while simultaneously still going to church and hiding this massive secret of magick and queerness from my parents and family (big mistake obviously). I kept it going, and didn’t look back at what I Thought would (not actively Was) going to cause me pain when I would come out.

Then Covid hit. First round of quarantine was fine, because I had time to improve myself and improve my knowledge and craft, and I did some spells that ended up working (self-love spells due to insecurities). Summer was great too. Then fall came, and my mom’s Snapchat recommended my account to her. (I was NEVER allowed social media, and I never knew how to delete that snap account after one month of having it). She was pissed as all of everything. Came into my room (while watching TikTok mind you), asked for my phone, and left. I cried in my bathroom for however long it was, and thinking back I think it was my first anxiety attack.

As practically a digital citizen at that point, I was dying and crying without my phone and access to the internet. I was already years into s*icidal ideation, and for a moment I really truly considered it. Never had the guts nor balls to do it, even before this point. But in the state I lived in, it was entirely legal for parents to kick their kids out for being gay, and I was so terrified of being homeless that I started thinking of ways to get It done fast.

Skip some time, and part of the deal to get my phone back was by going to church, and being able to explain What was being preached during service. Essentially I was being quizzed on church. Eventually I had good behavior enough that I earned back my phone, only now it had a parental-controlled VPN and no internet access. I could call, text, or play mobile games that didn’t need wifi or internet. I was no longer netizen Haelea, I was just American Me.

Do I regret going behind my parents backs and lying for five years? Of course I do, but I felt most guilty because I didn’t follow one of the Ten Commandments of “Honor thy father and mother,” because now (still selfishly thinking), I would never “live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Ex 20:12).

It took a while, but by junior year I started believing again, and I was repenting so much, but not for selfish reasons anymore. Briefly junior year, I joined my school’s color guard, and made a new family that I could discuss religion with, and I think that helped one person go deeper (maybe not, maybe it was the Spirit working) and it helped me go deeper. I was going to church because I wanted to now, not because my parents made me. I wanted to go so I could learn for myself. I would go so that I could experience the community we as Christians are called to live. I learned so much that year, and I am eternally grateful for the Spirit to move me so much towards returning to the church of our Lord. This one university, the Christian one i attend, kept advertising at my high school, and I decided to visit as many of their meetings as I could. Not necessarily to dedicate my college-life to this school, but to open my mind to more than public or state-run schools.

Then senior year is when it became hard again, but not in a non-believing or witchcraft way. It became hard from asking “Why? Why is this happening? Why are you making this difficult?” At this point, I had to start enrolling in universities so I could graduate. The school mentioned previously, I almost didn’t apply to. I almost solely applied to state universities because of their acceptance rates being more doable for my low-academic-mind. I almost went to my state school too, because that’s where my friends were going. Why would I want to start anew all alone again?

Anyways I’m at the Christian university after a split second “No. Let’s dedicate myself to a Christian education. They have multitudes of degrees anyways, so I’m not limited to Bible study or ministry work if that is not what I am being called to do. If I am, great. If not, I’m still here and dedicated.” Somehow this surprised my parents. I think they expected me to choose the school with my friends and cheaper tuition because I have familial financial insecurity even though they tried to make sure I never noticed. They still want me to have the “full college experience” and so I am in a dorm on campus. I have a Biblical study class taught by a Dr, and it has helped my faith grow steadier than before.

This was my story, and we are caught up to the present. This blog is to document my journey and the difficulties I have and will deal with in my faith in Christianity.

I do not judge, because I will be judged (Rev. 20:12).

I care because I am called to love and show compassion (1 Cor. 13:4-10) (John 11:41).

I believe because God is good, and there is no doubt to be had in His plan.

I will struggle, and I will fall, and I will stray from the path. But I have to try my darnedest to stay on path and to get back up and regain balance. If I do not try, then I will have don’t nothing with this life intended of worship that He has gifted to me. I will be unworthy of his love if I do not try to follow.

As of now, I stand in my faith, even if it is more of sand than stone that reaches my chest. Beneath the sand is the foundation, and I will wait for the sand to blow away to reveal the stone that which my life was built upon. I will stand as sturdy as I can.

Thank you for reading. May your day/afternoon/night be blessed, and I will pray as well as I can for you.

Sincerely, Me.

[wistfulwisp]

So I wanted to start my list of good omens rants with my religious upbringing, as well as my thoughts on the book:

I was raised and confirmed Catholic for really no other reason then in order for my mom to marry my dad, my dad had to give up his first born to the Catholic Church, which I think is kind of hilarious to hear about and is also very interesting. I was lucky enough to experience religion in every level of extremity as a kid, because my dad is not a very religious person at all, but still believes in the teachings that go along with “don’t kill other people“ and being kind to your neighbour and all of that stuff. my mom’s side of the family was practising Catholics for the most part… they definitely didn’t like the idea of me watching a show that sympathized with a demon 😂 and would go to church once a week and still do and have a bit of a stronger belief in the religious systems. At one point I had a stepmom that was part of extremist Russian orthodox Group, which basically meant that their entire lives were surrounded by religion, and any step out of that was considered heinous and a lack of faith, and for a while, I had of the part of being a part of that extremist group. which, normally some might consider incredibly bizarre, but I am very grateful for my experiences with religion because it’s allowed me to see many different sides of things. I just wanted to give a little bit of a background since this show is so deeply steeped in religion and religious trauma and that something that will probably come up once in a while in my rambling, so that’s kinda setting the stage for that. I promise my official thoughts will be slightly less personal and more about the actual material.

In terms of the good omens book, I read it probably when I was too young to fully understand what was going on or exactly what was happening, which seems to be the case for a lot of the books I read. I’ll be real with ya homeboys, I didn’t really love the book when I first read it because I am not a huge fan of British humor, and that’s honestly the biggest thing that drew me away from the book was that at the time I found like the humour didn’t reach me. I made a joke with one of my friends that she should buy a copy of good omens and annotate it for me every time that there’s a joke so that I can get the humour🤠 I didn’t find it very funny. I did, however really like the premise, and I remember saying to myself that that “this would make a really good TV show movie I just didn’t really care for the book as much”. I’ll get into more of these thoughts when talking about s1. And let it be known that I do want to get my hands on a copy of good omens now that I’ve watched the show and I’m old enough to understand what the original intention of it was and give it another chance, I just haven’t been able to find a cheap version in thrift stores.

[automatismoateo]

Gf(20F) broke up with me(24M) over religion via /r/atheism

Gf(20F) broke up with me(24M) over religion This happened yesterday and I’m devastated. We were together for just over 2 years and every aspect of the relationship was amazing. She just recently (last couple months) began mentioning how faith is becoming a larger part of her life and wants me to share that with her. She comes from a Christian household and her parents are quite religious (especially her mom). I knew this from the start, and she also knew that I am not religious at all. I would consider myself agnostic. She had zero issues with it. I respected her beliefs and she respected mine. We literally never got into a single fight or argument about it. She stopped going to church for a large part of our relationship and it started to seem as if it wasn’t a big part of her life anymore. I noticed this but never mentioned anything because quite frankly it didn’t matter to me what she did. I loved her so much that I would have respected anything she decided to do in her own time. Like I said, in the last couple of months things seemed different. We got into a couple debates/arguments about it. We met last night to basically hear each other out and see if it could work. My main points to her were that I love her for everything she is and believes. Even if I might not agree with something, I will still always respect it. She went on to say her faith/religion is more than just a belief, but rather a lifestyle that she knows I can’t understand. I told her to think about how unfair that is. To end a 2+ year relationship due to something she can’t even explain to me. She said that in order to continue, she would need to see effort from me to try to begin to understand (going to church, praying with her, etc). Another big point from her was that she apparently knows already that she wants to raise her kids in the church. I told her that isn’t something I would do. It kills me because i know this way of thinking and beliefs are coming straight from her parents and friends. And once she moves out on her own and experiences more of life and meets people with different perspectives her beliefs are likely to change. I tried making the point that we’re so young and this isn’t something to be thinking about 8-10 years away from having kids. Why not just enjoy each other’s company and grow as people until then? This seemed to really do it for her. She seemed very distraught as well because she loves me dearly, but said it simply can’t work. I just don’t know what to think. I’m just so hurt because of the feelings I have for her. Everything in me is saying it would work out if she gives it a chance. Could I have said or done anything to prevent this? (Besides doing the things she asked of course because I wouldn’t be true to myself or her if I agreed to that.) Would it have been a good idea recommending some sort of couples therapy? Or is that just desperate thinking? Submitted September 17, 2023 at 02:30PM by MasterpieceNew6549 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/GnBjUYV)

[errrrgreatperhaps]

God’s Faithfulness Displayed

These past few weeks have been quite a whirlwind. It conjured up lots of emotions I thought I had guarded myself against but somehow it slowly maneuvered its way into my life. More importantly, this whole episode made me marvel at God’s faithfulness over and over again.

It all started out when G confessed to me a month ago. That was the second time he put himself out there and I thought why not give him a chance and give myself a chance to consider the potential of us. Later did I know there were so many things we had to work through. The main reasons why I was very hesitant about dating him was because of the fact that he can’t lead me in Christ and I cannot be super sure of his relationship with God due to his absence from the church community/ bible reading/ praying for over 3 years.

On my birthday, 16th August. It was a Sunday and the plan was to go to the newly opened cat cafe at rail mall with my church mates (yonk, astrid, heather & aden) before popping in for Sunday service afterwards. The day started out with a lovely Macky D breakfast that Alicia ordered and then I had bible study with Phoebe. I haven’t read with her for about a month now and there are many things I had to update her about my life. In addition, she is my CGL and I see the value of being accountable to one another and I really want to share/ consult her regarding my feelings for G. Honestly, I already knew what she was going to say but at the same time, I had an inclination to hear it from her in person. After my conversation with her, I felt very confused and a sense of helplessness overcame me. I immediately texted G because I knew I had to speak to him about all of it. He assured me that he is opened for chatting and that really comforted me for the time being so I could sort out my day before spilling the beans. I realised I was fighting the tension of wanting to obey the Lord and wanting to fulfil the worldly desires of the heart. However, at the end of the day, I feel that it was what I needed to hear....I really respect both R&P and knowing how wise they are in approaching a God glorifying life, so thank Go I can sort out their wisdom/ assurance in this matter. P is absolutely right that if I love G as a brother-in-christ, then his salvation should be more important than tis short term desire of wanting to be in a relationship. 

I had the most marvellous day. Despite the initial hiccup at the cat cafe which has already been fully booked, we ended up at Chow Cute cafe (credits to Astrid because her cousin works there). We spent the whole afternoon there in the outdoor cafe with all the different mix of chow chows and I must say, it was rather therapeutic. I got to see my favourite Brownie (he is a mixed of chow chow and german shepherd)! He reminds me of Woofie very much and he has such an endearing temperament, it’s hard not to adore him. We even had our regular zoom service together and making that a part of my birthday was something I truly value. My highlight of this whole trip was when we drove back to the West and everyone was just singing worship songs in the car while we marvelled at the beauty of the setting sun. I couldn’t help but feel God showing off His wonderful creation and my heart was filled with His praises. I could really sense His presence and see His faithfulness that is as constant as the rising and setting sun. In those moments, I teared up quite a bit because I was immensely filled with so much unexplainable joy. To internalised the truth that God is love. My brothers and sisters in christ are so loved and love each other with Christ’s love. Why then soul do you seek the love from a partner? God has given me these friends that love me with Christ’s love, that should be enough?

After dinner, Yonk sent me home and before I got out of his car, I was prompted to share with him my troubles. The talk I had with P really burdened my heart and I don’t think I can resolve it alone. Praise God for sending the right person at the right time. After sharing with him, I broke down from the guilt of feeling like an awful person who said yes to G the night before and having second thoughts the very next day...I want to call it off but I did not want to hurt him. I’ve gotten his hopes up and now I have to let him down. What a mistake! A costly mistake because it will hurt someone I care for so much. I felt pretty shitty. That night was also the first time I saw how emotional or gentle Yonk could be. He was so patient in dealing with me and he prayed for us before and after this whole fuss. It was absolutely humbling to be seeking God’s help first and foremost in this desperate situation. 

After Yonk left, I knew I had to get through this or not I will not be able to sleep, so I called him up and asked to meet. It was such a relief to know that he felt the same about the situation. He knew immediately that he rushing into things the night before when he asked for an answer. He was very apologetic about it and we had the longest talk that lasted till 4 in the morning. In conclusion, we have decided that we shall not be dating till he has place God at the center of his life (i.e, fruitful prayer life, settled down in The Crossing, serving in ministry) and he is willing to wait on God’s timing for us. This really showed his maturity in handling our hearts and how serious he is about building his relationship first with Jesus. Both of us agreed that we got a sense of peace in this decision. It’s not because we are certain of what’s to come in the months or years ahead, if we ever end up together or not but to know that what we did pleases God, that in and of itself is good enough. 

It feels like everything that happened in the day led up to this point...I had the courage to fight sin, to put on the armour of God and make Him shine in my weakness. My faithful Lord brought me through this and I can rest in knowing that I am walking in His will for me in my life! 

[bogleech]

Since some people were so surprised by the stuff I shared about American fundamentalist christianity let me just compile in one list some of the things that don’t seem to be common knowledge (and are especially “wrong” in pop culture)....again I was not raised with these beliefs myself but my extended family all were and you can still find people preaching this stuff on the internet, on their own weird fundamentalist/evangelical websites and blogs:

So there’s the big one I explained already where the antichrist is supposed to end all war and do good saintly things to take over the world, basically making everyone love him so they’ll willingly give their souls to the devil.

By extension as I also went over recently, Fundies believe Satan/demons generally do good things for people, like miraculous healing, because their goal is not to spread ‘evil’ but just to win souls to their side and out-compete the forces of heaven, like a business competitor. You must be “saved” to know the difference.

Likewise they believe God and Angels often cause suffering, pain, destruction and death to punish sin, test faith or teach lessons. These are all still acts of “love” us mortals are just too stupid to understand, like taking a cat to the vet I guess.

There’s the one from those same posts about how “sin” is not determined by the deed itself but by who it was done for; a godless person feeding the homeless is basically committing evil. It must be in the name of the church to be good.

There’s the one I explained in another post about how Satan doesn’t live in or rule Hell but just wanders the Earth and lives in eternal fear of being thrown into Hell by God when the world ends, because it’s torture for him and the other fallen angels as well.

So now we’re hitting new ones to list: Fundamentalists are taught that Catholicism is a guise of Satanism. Praying to anyone other than God/Jesus is considered idol worship, so the fact that Catholics revere Mary, the Saints, and the Pope is all considered demonic. The pope himself is often claimed to be Satanically possessed by Fundamentalist propaganda.

They believe all “supernatural” forces not explicitly from God are automatically from Satan which is why they believe all forms of “magic” are blasphemous. Many extend this to fiction which is why they ban their kids from Pokemon or Superheroes or Tolkien.

They do not consider ghosts or contact with the dead to be possible, full stop; in Fundamentalism your soul is instantaneously in Heaven or Hell the second you die, there’s no limbo, there’s no waiting period, and there are no exits from either realm. Even if you wanted to leave Heaven and explore Earth, you couldn’t, it’s just infinite with no exits.

This doesn’t matter though because they also believe that you will do nothing in Heaven but float around praising God and you will love it no matter what. You won’t think about or care about anything else. You are essentially a completely different entity that hatched out of your old form, but they believe this is your real true self.

The previous point is why you will not care if you go to Heaven and your loved ones go to Hell. In fact, your soul will automatically understand and agree that they deserve it.

Hell is similarly simplistic: they don’t believe it’s like a scary demon world with torture implements and different punishments, they believe it’s an infinite void of pure fire in all direction and you just float there in so much pain you can’t move or think ever again.

Some of them believe that they are the only people who experience true human love or other emotions. They think all other people are experiencing a fake, diluted form of emotion until they accept Jesus, and it is impossible for anyone to understand that until they’ve experienced it, “like describing color to the blind.” This is a huge part of their anti-LGBT propaganda; a gay couple, in their eyes, is not really in love but will only ever know what love feels like when they reject the sin and join the church.

They do not believe God necessarily wants them to help the needy or otherwise help anyone at all. God wants them to win souls for him, and that’s the only reason to do charity or otherwise extend kindness to anyone. They don’t think any suffering on Earth matters, because it’s just a blip next to everyone’s eternal afterlife.

This will sound like a cartoon strawman but they really do believe creativity and imagination are evil. Thinking too much about anything other than God is a sin.

None of the above is really normal or necessarily taken from the bible, this isn’t a bitter atheist anti-religion post or anything, but the denomination that believes this stuff IS the wealthiest and most politically powerful in the USA. This is the stuff those big mall-sized ultrachurches are trying to put in people’s heads every Sunday.

Also as a note already pointed out, different fundamentalist churches mix and match different combinations of these beliefs. Whether they believe that makes the other churches their enemies will also vary.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

I really resonate with the idea that religion can be a source of a lot of hatred, trauma, violence, and all round bad stuff and don't find myself to be pro religion in any sphere of my life even though I can appreciate objectively the few benefits being a part of a religious community can have. however, why do you look down upon those who are religious? when religion has been such a big part of their nurture, why do you speak of them are intellectually inferior to yourself? does that truly help anyone? and if you don't care about religion, why have you curated your internet presence so strongly around it, devoting hours online to something you hate or find ridiculous? are you okay?

Religion - or more specifically, faith - stands in the way of truth. Faith is intellectually dishonest.

That it's a "big part of their lives" is a part of that very problem; the lack of perspective, the emotional investment in a belief rather than commitment to truth, and the inconsistent skepticism that props up beliefs that they wouldn't accept if the hadn't been indoctrinated into them when vulnerable. Applying different standards because those beliefs are a "big part of their lives" rather than considering them as objectively as they consider other ideas.

Who says I don't care about religion? I enjoy examining it, finding out what it says, what people believe and why they believe it. And, of course, I enjoy a good laugh.

Why does an oncologist invest their entire career into cancer when they're opposed to cancer? You yourself named a ton of the damage that religious faith causes. Why wouldn't I want to resist that or throw some intellectual chemotherapy at it? If there was no cancer, there would be no oncologists.

I’ve said multiple times that I understand that there are some good things about religion, and even written about how I understand how we came to develop a tendency towards religiosity, the needs it solved. That’s not the point. The point is that it provides no uniquely good benefits that we can’t achieve some other way, and without the bad things.

In response to complaints he focused on the Catholic Church's child abuse scandals and attitudes towards condoms, rather than what good it's done, Stephen Fry responded : it's a bit like a burglar in court saying “oh, you would bring up that burglary and that manslaughter, but you never mention the fact that I give my father a birthday present.”

“Well it’s true that this car keeps breaking down and is slowly killing us through carbon monoxide poisoning, but you know, it sometimes gets us where we want to go, and it is a lovely color, so I don’t really see why we need to get a new one.”

We have better cars now.

As to whether my approach is “helpful,” you’ll have to ask my readers.

You fundamentally misunderstand what this blog is about. The point is to give people ideas, tools and courage - particularly through normalizing dissent and showing no deference - to resist the imposition of faith-based beliefs, of any sort, into their lives. This blog is a response to that imposition. If believers kept their "deeply held personal beliefs" actually personal, it wouldn't be necessary to tell them why we don't believe them, won't be participating and don't have to.

When they shut up, I'll shut up.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Slumbering Hearts (Alcina Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 2

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: None Summary: In a wicked twist of fate, you find out your soulmate is none other than your employer, Lady Dimitrescu. To your misery, she (at first) seems equally displeased, her heart already belonging to another. But in time, the two of you find yourselves wondering… could the universe be right, after all? Soulmate AU in which every person has a unique “soul mark”, which they share with their soulmate. Notes: Reader gets a bit of a backstory here, with just enough concrete details to serve the plot in future chapters. Hopefully enough is kept vague for people to enjoy it. Now... Time to meet your new kids-in-law/the gremlins :) Previous Chapters: 1: In The Shadow Of Giants

2: Uncertain Destinations

“You already know my name, as well as my fate, and I have neither threats nor demands to make of you. I am at your mercy, regrettably, with nothing more to say. Shall we consider ourselves ‘introduced’? Or is there more you wish to ask of me?” You wonder, eying ‘Alcina’ with a bored expression. It felt odd to refer to her that way, even within the confines of your mind. She had been ‘Lady Dimitrescu’ for as long as you could remember; starting with your years in the village, and continuing through your months here at the castle. One day, perhaps, you would grow used to calling her by her first name. For now, you simply hoped to focus on other matters.

“Tell me of yourself, your past. Who were you before you came here?” Alcina asks, surprising you. What did it matter, now that you were stuck here? At first you shrug, avoiding eye contact, not wanting to open yourself up to her. But before long she’s placed a hand on your shoulder, applying just enough pressure to encourage you to speak. You win this round, you think.

“Somehow I doubt you’ll find it terribly interesting. I was born in the outskirts of the village, on a small farm, just like any other. I had a pet dog, went to ‘school’ with my neighbors, and spent my weekends volunteering with the church. The only thing you might not expect is that I lived outside the village for about a decade. Traveled for a while, never really staying anywhere for terribly long. Eventually, I got tired, and so I came back to help my parents with what little property they had left,” you explain, quietly. Being vague had been intentional, considering the nature of a few details. Did she need to know why you had left? Or that you had once revered Mother Miranda?... No, because if she learned that, it would not be long before she learned that you had changed your mind years ago. Something told you that she wouldn’t appreciate your lack of faith in her mistress. “That was six months ago, roughly. Barely got to spend time with my parents before I was ‘donated’ to the staff here.”

“Not many ever leave the village. Those that do rarely, if ever, return. How particular,” Alcina replies, giving a soft hum. There’s something in her expression that tells you she’ll eventually ask you to elaborate. For now, however, she seems content to move on. Internally you sigh in relief. “I suppose this is sufficient to sate my curiosity, for the time being. Now come with me, I’d like to introduce you to my daughters, to ensure that they understand you are… off limits.” With that said she stands, once more reminding you just how small and fragile you are in comparison, before heading towards the exit. You’re nearly forced to jog in order to keep up with her long strides. As she leads you through hallways, down a flight of stairs, and past several nervous looking maidens, she slows down the slightest bit, having eventually noticed your struggle. Admittedly, that’s more kindness than you would have anticipated. Perhaps she was used to adjusting her pace for her daughters?

Whatever the reason, you do appreciate it. Still, by the time you arrive at your destination, the castle’s library, your legs are feeling the smallest bit sore. Brushing off the ache, you follow Alcina inside. Then you’re taking in the sights, having not been here before, admiring the impressive collection. Glad I’m not responsible for cleaning this place, you think as you pass by dozens of filled shelves. Before long you encounter the three daughters. They’re sitting in a semi-circle, each with their own book, though they’re quick to sit up once they spy their mother. One by one they’re smiling up at her, not even sparing you a moment’s glance. Admittedly you’re glad for that. What good could come from their attention, especially when they don’t yet know who you ‘truly’ are?

“I’m glad to see you’re all in one place, my darlings. There has been a… development, of sorts,” Alcina says, speaking in the same tone one might use to address a faculty meeting. In a less intimidating household, it would have been much harder to hold in a laugh. Was this always how she spoke to her children? For their sake, you hoped not (though the concept was amusing). Regardless, it is at this point that the daughters notice you, with one of them looking intrigued enough to send a shiver down your spine. You’re pretty sure her name is Daniela, being the only one you haven’t met before today. A toothy grin spreads on her lips, and once you make eye contact you swear that she winks at you. This literally could not be any worse, you think, unable to stop yourself from frowning.

“Does it have to do with this little thing?” Daniela purrs, taking a step towards you. Instantly both Alcina and yourself are tensing up. While your soulmate shifts in front of you, an incredibly faint rosy tint to her cheeks, all you can do is pinch the bridge of your nose between two fingers.

“This ‘little thing’ is not your newest playtoy, Daniela. Rather, they are my-” she hesitates, disliking the way the word feels in her mouth- “soulmate. I expect the three of you to behave, understood? At the very most, you are allowed to prevent them from leaving the premises, but even then I expect you to remain gentle. Have I made myself clear?” Alcina asks. Now she’s not the only one blushing, as Daniela looks so embarrassed that you wonder if she’ll pass out. Maybe now you’ll think twice about flirting with everyone you meet, you think, remembering the various rumors you’ve heard about her. For a moment, part of you imagines what your relationship with her would look like, were you to continue ‘courting’ her mother. Could this be a moment you could torment her with for life? Get some cheeky revenge for all the maidens who couldn’t risk it? A lovely thought, though one soon interrupted.

“Of course, mother. We will not lay a single finger on them, unless we have no other choice. Right, sisters?” Bela replies, turning to her siblings with an expectant look. Neither of them seem terribly pleased, but they nod, each giving their own verbal affirmations. All three spend a few moments glancing you over, reevaluating you now that they know who you are, appraising your worth. It’s not hard to imagine that they all find you lacking- at least in comparison to their mother. “Are introductions in order? We’ve met before, but I hardly know anything about them. It would be… nice to properly meet the newest edition to our family.” The way Bela says the words makes you nervous, and the way Cassandra grins only worsens the feeling.

“If you desire such, I see no reason to forgo such a thing. Perhaps the three of you could give them a tour? I must return to my duties, and I doubt they have seen much of the castle, given their… former occupation,” Alcina admits, softly. Was this a confirmation that you’d no longer have to spend every day working yourself to the bone? On one hand you were somewhat relieved, but you also regretted the possible loss of your preferred coping method. Worse, were you really going to spend who knows how long with the dreaded Dimitrescu daughters? They were going to rip you to shreds, at least verbally, you were sure of it. How could you ever meet their expectations? If they were anything like their mother, you would never be enough to satisfy them. Or at least that is what you assumed.

“I’ve seen a fair bit,” you interject, awkwardly, hating the way it brings everyone’s gaze back to you. Alcina’s lips twitch, as she fights back a frown. Evidently she didn’t appreciate you countering her suggestion.

“Please, we insist,” Bela fires back, a pleasant tone covering her thinly-veiled animosity. “I’m sure we’ll have a wonderful time getting to know each other. You do want to learn more about your soulmate’s children, don’t you?” Something about the way she speaks makes you want to laugh. When you smile back at her, it’s without a hint of any placating intentions, rather a dewdrop of mischief. Bold of her to assume that you wanted to make her mother happy. After all, it was clear from her phrasing that this was a ‘test’, a ruse to ‘reveal your true colors’ to Alcina. But you were as uneasy about your part in this as Bela was, neither of you finding yourself a suitable match for Alcina. Despite the way she narrows her eyes at you, her mother is smiling again, glad that she had a way to keep you occupied for the time being.

“It’s settled then,” she says, moving to give each of her daughters a kiss on top of their heads. They giggle at the affection, looking rather proud of themselves. Then she turns to you, hesitating, clearly having the instinct to give you a kiss as well. Half of you wants to stand on your tippy-toes, expectantly, wondering if she’d do it (and how flustered it would make her). Instead, you pretend not to notice, accepting the awkward shoulder pat she ends up giving you. “I will see you this evening, for dinner. Do try to enjoy yourself. But don’t forget-” she leans in until her mouth is right next to your ear, breath tickling your neck- “behave yourself. I will not tolerate any tomfoolery, understood?” Alcina does not pull away until you’ve nodded, and you do not relax until the library door has shut behind her.

Except now you’re alone with her daughters. Wonderful.

---------------------------

Dealing with finances was not, to put it simply, Alcina’s ‘favorite’ activity. Although she employed someone to handle the majority of the paperwork, she made sure to go over it herself to ensure accuracy. There were many aspects to her business, being both legitimate and illegitimate, technically. One could never be too careful about their records. After all, failing to file tax returns had taken down Al Capone, of all people. Who was to say that such a mistake, or one in a similar vein, could not damage House Dimitrescu? Certainly it wouldn’t be enough to ruin them entirely, but it could lead to certain ‘nuisances’ bothering the village. At the end of the day, Alcina cared more about the impact it would have on Mother Miranda than anything else, even the possible decline of her household.

A nasty habit, really. Few knew the extent of her self-entitled devotion to the cult leader. The only bond that ran deeper was that she had with her daughters, who meant more to her than she could ever vocalize. Even then, she viewed them as a gift from Miranda, which in turn strengthened her love for the woman. Now that love leaked into everything she did. With a flourish of her pen, she signed away some of this month’s earnings. So what if she already ‘donated’ a large portion of her income to the village and its leader? Certainly this was a way to show the level of her devotion? Certainly Miranda would take notice, eventually? Praise her for it? Take Alcina’s hand in her own, thumb caressing her skin, eyes filled with a long-sought affection?...

The sound of passing footsteps brings her back into the moment, and Alcina stares down at the mountain of paperwork she’d yet to approve. With a deep sigh she readjusts her reading glasses, sets the finished document aside, then gets back to work. A part of her mind soon starts to drift to other subjects. To you, primarily. Would your affection be easier to gain? Steadier?... But could it, in any way, compare to Miranda’s? No matter how she tries to brush the thoughts away, they nip at her heels, circling her head like vultures. Only time would give her the relief she so desperately sought.

---------------------------

“So, don’t tell me you really think you’re my mother’s soulmate, right?” Cassandra says, somewhat grumbling, as you trail behind Bela. It’s less than five minutes into the tour, with the siblings having behaved so far, focused on actually showing you around. At her words, both her sisters started walking slower. Their gazes were still locked ahead of themselves. The way they positioned themselves, however, made it clear that they were listening. “Is it some elaborate scheme, hmm? Did you spend a dozen hours with the other servants, noting every last detail about her soul mark, before copying it? Do you really think that you’ll get away with this?” Well, ‘twas good to know who the most paranoid of the three were.

“Ah, yes, it’s all a great, horrible ruse. You’ve caught me red-handed, I’m afraid,” you chime, sarcastically. A hand goes to your forehead as you fake faintness. “I’m just so desperate to be scrutinized by yourself and your mother, to have my every movement watched, to somehow be less free than I already was. I simply… cannot… believe… that you saw through my bluff.” With that you give a dramatic sigh, pausing in the hallway to give Cassandra a judgemental look. If not for Alcina’s instructions to keep you safe, you’re certain she would have beheaded you on the spot. “I’m not claiming to understand the universe’s decision. But I’m also not giving up immediately, no matter how much the three of you scare me.” At that, Bela stops in her tracks, slowly turning to you. Instinctively you go to take a step backwards, only for Cassandra to catch you, holding you in place. Next thing you know, the oldest daughter is grabbing your head, staring you right in the eyes.

“Answer one question, and maybe I’ll make sure you don’t fall victim to some tragic, unfortunate accident. Can you see yourself loving my mother?” Bela asks, more intense than you’ve ever seen her before. Despite that, you don’t tremble, swallowing your fear long enough to reply.

“Honestly? I don’t know. She’s terrifying… and beautiful. Cruel to some of the maidens I’ve met… and loving to you three. I… I don’t know if I can love her,” you admit, gulping. “But isn’t that part of the point of trying? To find out? I am going to try, for both my sake and hers, to love her. To cherish her. What more would you ask of me? I cannot tell you how the days to come will go, whether or not your mother will enjoy them, or even whether she could love me. This is not a situation you can threaten into resolving the way you want it to. So let me go, finish the tour, and give me a chance. You owe your mother that much, do you not?” Soon enough the hands keeping you in place loosen their grip, and Bela turns away with a scoff. Honestly, you can hardly believe that your little speech worked. You aren’t given much time to celebrate, however, as the sisters quickly resume their walking. Before long, Daniela is speaking up between giggles.

“I like this one already.”

[norahastuff]

penny for your thoughts on salmondean codependency ?

Sure. Fair warning it’s long (was longer but I stopped myself.)

I think it’s complicated in a show that’s had so many different showrunners because they’ve all handled Sam and Dean’s relationship very differently. In Kripke’s era (s1-5) there was a romanticization of the bond. Sure there was a lot of in-depth exploration of how they wound up at the place they were at, spoiler alert: it was all because of John and his obsessive crusade to find the demon that killed his wife. That’s all he cared about and as a result, Sam and Dean had to be everything to each other. But Kripke had no intention of dismantling that at any point because he was (and always had been) writing a tragedy. Gamble continued that too. There was no room for anyone else in their lives and it would always just be the two of them against the world. So Cas had to go. Bobby had to go.

(Actually, it's funny because Gamble didn't intend this at the time, her plan was to kill Cas off, but by Edlund creating the masterpiece that is The Man Who Would Be King, he not only saved Cas from being seen as a villain, but he also deepened Dean and Cas' relationship in such a profound way and inextricably linked the two of them emotionally. And since Cas was eventually brought back, that laid the foundation for a lot of what their relationship would become.)

Up until this point, there hadn’t really been any significant dismantling of perhaps the more unhealthy parts of Sam and Dean’s relationship. Enter Carver. He stripped things down and started to explore what drove these characters. What they wanted and why they couldn’t have it. It starts with Dean being mad at Sam for not looking for him in purgatory, which sets up the whole speech in the s8 finale of Sam’s guilt about letting Dean down, but the thing is, Dean was never honest with Sam about his year away either. He never told Sam he could have gotten out much sooner if he hadn’t stayed to find Cas. I mean Dean had assumed Sam was up there alone doing God knows what to try to bring him back, and yet still he stayed in Purgatory because things were clear there. He needed Cas. Anyway, I just find that interesting, but Cas isn’t a victim of Sam and Dean’s relationship in s8.

Who gets the honour of being cast aside? That would be Benny and Amelia, two characters they introduced in s8 specifically to highlight that Sam and Dean’s relationship doesn’t allow for anyone else to be a significant part of their life. I mean that’s nothing new, we’ve watched that happen many times before. Lisa even said as much to Dean. The thing is this time? It’s framed as a truly sad thing. That moment at the end of 8x10 when Dean has just ended things with Benny and Sam leaves Amelia, and they’re sitting alone drinking beer and watching tv is such a hollow empty moment. This is not what they want. But it’s the way things have to be.

I’m actually fascinated by Sam and Dean’s conversation in the church in the s8 finale. Not so much Dean’s assertion that there is no one else he would put before Sam, but more so what provokes it, which is Sam saying “who are you going to turn to instead of me. Another angel? Another vampire?” See the thing is Dean saying he would always put Sam first is not news. We know this and it’s not really an unhealthy statement in itself either. A lot of people would put their sibling above anything else, not less a sibling who you raised and is the most important person to you. But in this context? After what Sam said? It just highlights how unhealthy they are if Sam believes that Dean having other people in his life means he doesn’t love him enough. That he’s a disappointment to him. That’s so profoundly fucked up.

(Note, Dean tells Sam that he killed Benny for him but he doesn’t say anything about Cas. I think like I said before, this is because Cas and Dean’s relationship has largely existed out of the Sam and Dean stuff up to this point - Sam and Cas don’t even really have much of a relationship yet besides both of their connections to Dean.)

And then from here, things start getting steadily worse. But we also keep being shown how bad they are. Dean lying to Sam, taking away his free will by letting Gadreel possess him. Dean sending Cas away, Kevin dying. It’s all awful. The whole “there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you line” from 9x01 isn’t really said by Dean, it’s Gadreel, but that is how Dean feels. He does think that’s all he’s good for. And over the season we’re shown how much of himself and what he truly wants he’s had to give up because of his ingrained “Save Sammy” and “Sammy comes first” mentality. It’s always been this way for him. In 9x07 we see that he had found a happy home, a good father figure, and his first love, a first love might I add that he had to leave behind with no real explanation because Sam needed him, and Sam comes first.

I mean just one episode earlier we had him rushing out the door elated about seeing Cas and spending time with him, only for their time together to come to sad and melancholic end when Dean once again leaves Cas behind without any real explanation, because despite what he wants Sammy comes first. What he wants doesn’t matter.

See I think after the Gadreel stuff comes out is where the narrative starts to get a little wonky for me. You can clearly see that this was intended to be a shorter story that they ended up stretching out to a much longer one because of renewals. There’s also the fact that this is a formula show so they can’t necessarily be separated for longer than an episode or two. S10 is a rough one to get through at times, I think the themes still mostly hold up but it’s a rough one to get through.

S10 highlights all the connections that Dean has, Cas, Charlie, Crowley even, but Sam doesn’t really have those bonds in the same way.  For Sam it’s just Dean, so he goes down a reckless destructive “do anything to save Dean!” path and so many innocents pay the price, and ultimately with the release of The Darkness, the whole world.

They skirted right up to the edge of exploring just how toxic and dangerous their relationship had become in the season 10 finale.

DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A..a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world.

I can’t say evil is the right word, they were never evil, but they were wilfully blind to everything and everyone else when it came to saving each other. S10 tested my love for the show because after watching it, because there was certainly a feeling that the two of them had become the villains of this story. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a problem with that, it’s just after 2 seasons of this I can’t say I had a lot of faith that this was going to be properly addressed or if we were going to keep going in circles around it. Keep being shown, it’s bad and then nothing much being done to fix it. Your mileage may vary on how it was handled, but I think s11 did a relatively ok job considering it wasn’t the end of the story, and the show needed to keep going.

See from Dean’s side a lot of the codependency rests on 1. His father’s orders to always save Sammy 2. His low self-esteem where he sees himself as nothing but a blunt instrument. 3. His guilt at not being able to perfectly fulfil every familial role in Sam’s life 4. His belief that no one could choose to love him but family has to love you. 5. The unhealthy example of what it should look like to love someone that he got from John. You give up everything but them.

For Sam (and honestly it’s not as clear for me as Dean’s side is so feel free to correct me/disagree on this) 1. Everytime he’s tried to leave and create his own life it’s never ended well. 2. His guilt over wanting freedom and a normal life when he was younger (I’m referring specifically to Stanford era here) 3. His guilt over everything Dean has given up for him. 4. John. 5. Jess.

Ultimately it all comes down to isolation. They both had to be everything to each other, and the deeper they got into this fight, the more people that they lost, the tighter they clung to this notion of family and brothers. I think s11 (and 11x23 in particular) was an important turning point, both for Sam and Dean’s relationship, as well as for them as individuals. Because they weren’t alone there anymore. Cas was there. Sam let Dean walk to his death. Of course, it would devastate him, but he knew it was what had to be done. And he didn’t walk out of that bar and go back to the bunker alone. He had Cas, he had someone who cared about him and wanted to help him and talk to him. Sure Dean asked Cas to take care of Sam for him (you know after Cas offered to walk to his death with him) but Sam let him. He let him be there for him. We didn’t get to see much before the BMOL showed up and blasted Cas away, but still, we saw enough.

I think that’s a significant difference to note why their relationship was different in the Dabb era. It wasn’t just them anymore. Cas was an important member of their family and given a level of importance he’d never been given before and couldn’t have been when the story they were telling was of the dangers of their codependency. Mary was back. Eventually, Jack would become a part of their unit too. Just the two of them wasn’t enough for them anymore. This is made abundantly clear with all of Dean’s desperate attempts to get Cas to stay in s12, followed by his inability to keep going when they lose Cas and Mary in s13. Similarly, Sam really struggles when they lose Jack and fail to get Mary back later in the season.

Another big moment is Dean letting Sam go alone to lead the hunters against the BMOL in 12x22 while he stays back to try and reach Mary. Like he tells Mary, he’s had to be a brother, a father and a mother to Sam and he never stopped seeing him as his kid, but in that moment he makes a choice. He lets Sam take charge and he shows that he trusts him and believes in him. He knows he can handle it.

Sometimes it’s not even a character growth thing. Sometimes having other people there stops you from making destructive choices even though that’s still your first instinct. I’m thinking specifically of 13x21 after Sam was killed. Dean would have run headlong into that nest of vampires and got himself torn apart, but Cas was there to stop him. He was able to make him see reason.

Basically, I think that for a long time, they thought the only relationship they could have was each other, which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy because their desperate attempts to keep each other around led to them losing the people around them. They eventually started to learn that that wasn’t true, they could have more, they were allowed to want more, and that it wasn’t an either-or situation. Dean didn’t have to choose between Sam and Cas. They didn’t have to choose between each other or Jack. The same goes for Mary. Different relationships can coexist without threatening each other, and not say that their relationship in s12-15 was all smooth sailing, but it was certainly so very different from everything that came before.

(There’s maybe a point to be made about how they didn’t have anyone or anything in the finale and how that relates to the story we got, but honestly I have no idea what the intention was with any of the choices made in that episode so I’ll leave it at that for now.)

[apenitentialprayer]

I cried the first time I went to a traditional Latin Mass.

It would have been difficult for me not to; I was an emotionally volatile 20-year-old college kid studying theology who loved the “smells and bells” that Catholicism offered—and man, there were a lot of bells and smells going on while Mozart’s “Requiem” carried the liturgy.

After that, I was hooked. A group of friends and I asked a Jesuit, the late Robert Araujo, if he would learn how to say Mass in the extraordinary form (how the pre-Vatican II traditional liturgy has been known since 2007) so we could have it on campus. He did, and a few of us were trained on how to be altar servers for it. To what I imagine was the shock and dismay of many of his brother Jesuits, we were able to celebrate the traditional Latin Mass at the Jesuit residence. To this day, one of my most-treasured books is a St. Edmund Campion Missal & Hymnal for the Traditional Latin Mass that Father Araujo gifted me.

The traditional Latin Mass (I will refer to it after this as “the Latin Mass” for simplicity’s sake, though of course the current Mass promulgated after Vatican II can be and is also celebrated in Latin) ) never became the primary form of liturgy that I attended, and eventually I stopped going to it altogether sometime after college. But it nevertheless made a significant impact on my spiritual life at a critical, impressionable point in my formation. With the news that Pope Francis has greatly restricted the celebration of the Traditional Latin Mass, I have been reflecting on what the Latin Mass gave me and my spiritual life, good and bad. First, the good: What I saw in the Latin Mass was an unparalleled reverence for the sacred. It hammered home, for the first time, that I was part of a celebration of “these sacred mysteries.” Whereas previously I had attended a lot of parishes that couldn’t bother to get their sound systems working, or that were reliant upon the whimsical improvisations of a well-meaning priest, the Latin Mass was choreographed with the care and attention to detail of a Broadway performance. This care for detail, far from seeming stuffy, instead conveyed a deep and passionate love for what was holy. And even more importantly, it invited me to join in that love by taking similar care in my own prayer and participation in the Mass. It gave me a hunger for “the beautiful,” despite my eurocentric understanding of beauty. There were no felt banners or tacky papier-mâché art in sight. To that point, when the Met Gala chose “Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination” as its theme, do you think they were looking to 1970s Catholic aesthetics for inspiration? But do you know what else the Latin Mass did for me? It made me bitter and arrogant. It made me think I had the more ancient, therefore holier, therefore better way to practice my faith. I would make jokes about the “Novus Ordo” and speculate about the day the church might even do away with vernacular liturgy, considering it a failed experiment. In one example I find particularly galling and embarrassing, when I attended my regular, non-Latin Mass, instead of praying the liturgy I would actually sit there and count all the deviations from the rubrics that I could notice. I found a lot of security in the (very flawed) idea that “Catholicism is an ancient, unchanging faith. This is the most ancient, unchanging way to live it out.” It took me some time and prodding and prayer to realize that this security wasn’t in or from God, but rather about reassuring myself that I had an answer that I would never need to change (a very attractive prospect to someone whose world feels in constant flux!). We are called to faith that the truth revealed by God in Christ is eternal and unchanging, but as Pope Francis has pointed out repeatedly (like a good Jesuit spiritual director), rigidity and possessiveness about how to express that truth are not authentically free expressions of faith. One of the beautiful parts about the celebration of Mass is that it links us to the communion of the church, extending across both time and space. And the Tridentine Mass, representing more than 400 years of that celebration across history, conveys some aspects of that communion powerfully. But unfortunately, some uses of it in our time have become a point of rupture in that communion as well. A more widespread celebration of the Traditional Latin Mass was an initiative that “intended to recover the unity of an ecclesial body with diverse liturgical sensibilities,” Pope Francis explained in his letter explaining his motivations for the motu proprio “Traditionis Custodes.” However, in effect it “was exploited to widen the gaps, reinforce the divergences, and encourage disagreements that injure the Church, block her path, and expose her to the peril of division.” When I read those words, I knew it was true in my own personal spiritual life. It is a great sadness that it was exploited. And if the pope and the bishops around the world who responded to his questionnaire on this topic saw this division throughout the church, Francis was right to respond. But, you may object: I am not a smug pseudo-schismatic who hates the pope, and I love the Latin Mass! Here is the difficult thing being asked of you by the Holy Father: There are many good reasons to love the Latin Mass, but given that it has become a demonstrable cause of disunity and rancor within the church, we have to look for the gifts it gives elsewhere. Pope Francis readily admits that he agrees with Pope Benedict XVI that “in many places the prescriptions of the new Missal are not observed in celebration, but indeed come to be interpreted as an authorization for or even a requirement of creativity, which leads to almost unbearable distortions.” So, one task at hand, and a possible place of common ground for divided Catholics, is to focus on making regular Masses a bit more reverent. After all, the good things that I received from my encounter with the Traditional Latin Mass should have been available to me in the Novus Ordo, too. All good liturgy, in whatever form or language, should engender desires for the good, the true and the beautiful. But there is another, deeper and more difficult spiritual challenge here. The desires that the liturgy awakes and satisfies in us—and for some of us, the desires that the Latin Mass especially nurtured—are good, holy and necessary. But those desires also point beyond the liturgy itself. At the risk of sounding glib, what would it mean if we could find the spiritual goods that the Latin Mass taught so many in other places? What if we were able to discover a passion for beauty from our service to the poor? If we could develop a mature sense of wonder and awe from caring for creation, our common home? If I am honest, those feel like daunting questions that I don’t really know how to respond to. I only know that I think I’m being called to ask them. Answering them, I imagine, will take patience, practice and a lot of prayers—in whatever language they’re said.