#but i did just screenshot this out of some sort of laziness cause its from the corner of a doodling canvas. i just love them sm

[onyxursa]

so theres this half elf... 💜

[levisgirll]

oki it me again uWu back with another request because I really enjoyed the first one!!!💗💗 couldn't find the exact words to phrase this but what about aomine (from Kuroko no basuke) as your boyfriend in university. I look forward to what you will write!!

𝐀𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

text: hello again!! thank you so much for reading my posts and the fact that you like them makes me happy c: 💗💗 I'm glad you enjoyed the other request so, I hope you enjoy this! (also, aomine is my second fav in knb ^^ he's just so attractive oml-)

synopsis: aomine daki, the great basketballer player at your university is your boyfriend! how is it like to have aomine as your boyfriend though? and how does he act with you? (get ready for this-)

Once Aomine is your boyfriend, get ready cause this guy will show off and flex a lot when it comes to you. Whenever you stay and watch his practices, he flexes a lot with his back muscle and he would turn around if YOU saw that. You are just sitting there, all blushed while covering your face, "Oh god, this idiot..."

Sometimes, the basketball club would invite student for 'Learning the basics of Basketball' and the first person he wants to invite is, of course, his girlfriend. While he is waiting for her, he would just sit in the bench and lots of people go to him for help, but he would ignore everyone and say he is tired and to leave him alone. But once he sees you, y/n, entering he is all energetic and comes running to you. "Aomine, let me change wait" , "But darling, I was waiting for like 10 minutes...you have to make up for that."

Once everyone leaves and its just you two, he gets all hyped up cause he loves it when you are alone with him. He gets extra clingy towards you and keeps on hugging you and you can feel his tensed muscular body. "Sweetheart, you looked amazing today."

Okay but this guy, would fuck up and beat any guy that even showed any sort of disrespect. He is not standing there with a glare or bumping into them if someone laughs, or says something mean to you. He will go up to that person and hold them up while saying "Okay, you started this. Come here."  You have to stop him before he gets physical towards them, "Aomine! Stop!! They just said to me to move". "Yea, 'Move you', what the fuck is that? Asshole, learn some manners! Do you know who you even spoke to!"

This guy is smart, so he knows all your university spots, so don't be surprised if you see him out of nowhere. "Hey its that guy! He is always following you!" Kagami would yell out, "Fuck, you have some stalker Y/N" Kagami would say while glaring at him, he was your university best friend. "That's my b-boyfriend."

Your man will also buy you a lot of snacks, and if you say you skipped breakfast. He is dragging you to the university café and will force you to eat after he buys you food.

Oh my god, your boyfriend loves to tease you A LOT. Like there wont be a day he wont tease you. If you somehow changed up your hairstyle, he will make a huge scene. "No WAY! Sweetheart, you look so good! Wow, that's my GIRL! You all heard that??!"

Aomine makes you laugh like crazy, and there also wont be a day he wont make you laugh. He just loves it whenever he hears your beautiful laugh and small giggles, he founds it so cute and you really warm his heart whenever he hears that.

He will never forgive himself if he ever made you upset or cry. Aomine will probably think about it the whole day and he will keep spamming you "I'm sorry" multiple times. If you don't reply back, he would come to your lecture hall and he is gonna make a scene. "Y/N I SAID IM SORRY!"

You definitely boost his ego, like crazy. Whenever he feels low before a match he would call you and he just wants to hear his girlfriends voice motivating him. "Aomine, don't worry you got this! Besides, didn't you tell me the only one who can beat you...is you?" "Fuck, you are right. Darling, I'm gonna win this and I'll come and hug u after this match. Wait for 20 minutes" And he actually does it.

This guy sticks with his words, so if you tell him meet up at 2 pm. He is there at 2pm waiting for you. If he says he will do literally anything for you, he fucking will.

Once he got, really upset and emotional and he said to you during a call at midnight. "Y/N, Dont leave me like how everyone does.". You then recalled about him telling you about this past and how his old teammates left him, so you would say "I wont, I'm your girlfriend aren't I?" And he is up on his bed all hyped hearing that, "Can I see you now!" "Aomine it's 2am and I have a quiz tomorrow bye, shutting my phone love you!" But this guy wont leave you and spam you in EVERY social media. "Nice try, but I know you have discord on your laptop. Wait, I see you online I'm calling you now."

One time, he came to your huge lecture hall and he sat right next to you, and he would just turn and look at you, focusing on what you are doing, and play around with your stuff and hair. "Aomine, I am trying to focus!" You say all blushed and can't even write anything on your notebook. "Of course, cause you are focusing on me right? Sweetheart, I know, I know I am great." Now you wanna smack him.

Whenever he sees you, he gives you that hot smirk of his and it gives you butterflies. "Ha! Wow literally everything I do, you love it don't you?" . Y/N then turns to him and gives a small chuckle, "Don't get ahead of yourself, Aomine." He then goes near you and lays his arm on your shoulder, bring you closer and he would whisper to your ear "Why not? your my girl so, I want to impress you."

You both love it whenever you guys hold hands around university, this guy is really tall so you always feel so relaxed and also great when your boyfriend squeezes your hand, and walks you to your lecture. "Okay now try to focus on your lecture and not your mind all about me alright?"

He actually loves it when you cheer for him and that really boost not only his ego but rather his self-confidence. "Y/N! I'm gonna win this match for you!" He would yell out during the match and everyone is looking at you.

He would go for academic help for you sometimes and you guys meet up in the library to study. You are the reason he passed some subjects, don't get me wrong, he is intelligent but super lazy.

His wallpaper is a selfie of you both and he looks at that before every match. He sometimes pecks his phone when he finds a picture of you.

Speaking about his phone, this guy has a folder with just you, all your pictures, screenshots of chats, even screen records of your voice notes and videos. He just loves you dearly, and he gets so fucking mad if someone touches or even goes near that gallery. He protects that with all his life, your pictures are important and he is not the type of guy to show his friends your pictures, in fact he hates that! "My folder, my girl, and no one gets to see that. Go away."

Whenever he is bored or isn't doing nothing, he would open his phone, and check every social media app to see your online status. "Oh OH, I see you online darling! Answer me, wanna go out and get ice cream? Please say yes."

He is actually such a great motivator and brings your mood up whenever you feel like giving up during university. He won't allow that, like never. "What so you will just give up? Stop? After all this time, you let this one test fuck you up? Don't you dare let that bring you down, you idiot." He actually even inspires you.

Before you go for the whole day cause you had to work on your report he would say "Smile for me one last time?"

When he sees you from afar, he would yell out and say "That's my girl! Don't move, I'm coming for you!" And this guy jumps at you with his embraces and sometimes picks you up. "L-Love put me down!!"

He actually loves teasing you like that in public, he wants everyone to know that are are HIS girl and his only.

He messages you during his practices and even would skip practice to see you.

Y/N: Oh you don't have practice today?

Aomine: Nope! And besides, I am the captain so doesn't matter. (He is not the captain- its akashi but lies)

He says that and then goes on how he knows everything about basketball and the team and he keeps doing that till you can compliment him ‘Please Y/N say anything’ he would think and you know that but tease him back not saying anything.

*meanwhile in his basketball groupchat* 

Kise: aomine, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?!

Akashi: Probably ran off to see his girl.

Atsushi: Whatever, my chance to leave and eat outside.

Kuroko: Can I join you?

Atsushi: No.

You would treat his injuries and he would just sit there, looking at you with a smirk.

Aomine: "Oh yea, here even hurts darling!"

Y/N: "Love....you are lying aren't you?"

Aomine: "What! No!...Maybe?" 

You let out a sigh "Ah, you are an idiot...stop hurting yourself all the time." He would suddenly lift your chin up and say "You know...that I love you yea? You also better tell me everything and if you need help, just say it" He can be really soft and sweet sometimes, but he gets all cringy and shy about it and he gets up rubbing the back of his head. "I-I mean that's what a boyfriend does right?! Come on, get up I'm taking you out."

Okay, I hope you enjoy this and anyone who did! Aomine is such a dork but a sweetheart and I can see most of this happening :,) 

If anyone enjoyed reading this, please then leave a like or a reblog! It means a lot and have a great day <3

[permian-tropos]

TIME TO GUSH ABOUT TLJ cause I was looking through screenshots and here’s a bunch of things I might not have mentioned before and a few that I have

1) Paige Tico!!!! PAIGE TICO! her entire time in the spotlight is such a perfectly crafted, perfectly tense scene

2) UM THE OPENING SPACE BATTLE IS SICK the bombers have such striking silhouettes and this is used for some amazing shots

3) PAIGE’S DEATH BEING PRESENTED AS TRAGEDY (and not being softened heavily with the promise of being part of something meaningful the way R1′s deaths are) 

4) Captain Candy Crush’s death is given gravity too and I stan this, he’s not made sympathetic and still there’s nothing triumphant about people being blown up. war is not good

5) Finn’s pod is very flattering and angelic even though his water suit is silly. he basically has a halo and no filmmaker would accidentally give a character a halo so jot that down

6) Snoke’s throne room being utilitarian AND extravagant at the same time is impressive. also I still love the way that Snoke’s real form was made to be this exaggeratedly WASPy old man with the skin texture and wrinkles and pale tufty eyebrow hair, and you know what else? the fact that the camera favors showing the undamaged side of his face. I fucking stan the fact that Johnson took another disfigured villain and played up his old caucasian grandpa looks and made his disfigurement blend into his age. Snoke is a caricature of horrid old white men, possibly the first successful caricature of whiteness in speculative fiction. he looks like Henry Kissinger

7) Kylo Ren’s bandaid has a pattern on it. we ask ourselves. why. did he get to pick out the pattern. are there multiple patterns. are they all edgy and black. I’m now completely invested in whoever decided that they would have patterned bandaids but not make them TOO fun

8) the movie is so pretty im just. the fuckign. aesthetic. all of it. the palette seems to have been taken from a thunderstorm and it’s perfect. the use of gray is a reason I happen to think people didn’t like the film. they were like what the fuck is all this gray in star wars. star wars shouldn’t be gray. but it’s so unique, it’s not the gray of lazy color grading, it’s the gray of someone who knew that the feeling of haze and uncertainty needed some gray and rolled it in like a fog. I’m going to have to post more screenshots

9) I like the fact that the puppet porgs, as opposed to the CGI porgs, are actually kinda ugly cute

10) everything mark hamill does is perfect. every line, every facial expression, every pose. every moment from luke in tlj is unbelievably iconic. alec guinness would be so jealous 

11) Luke perking up and genuinely smiling when he sees R2D2 is the purest moment I have to just 

my eyes are moist

12) the architecture and set design is so amazing too? I love this shot introducing Rose, the harsh contrast that draws your eye away from her, the way she’s fading into her corner of brownish-gray, it’s so good for evoking... idk, just how the world seems too bright and too stark and made of shapes, after someone you love dies

13) I really love how much time we spend on Ahch-To, and how none of it has any campy space action. you’d expect to see some training there, but a lot of people were clearly hoping that Luke and Rey would leave the planet. but we linger so much on the setting, a setting which wholly embodies Luke’s state of mind

14) old luke is a handsome gent. i don’t see enough people with the hots for old luke. this is a big mistake

15) this shot foreshadows Kylo Ren becoming the Supreme Leader IMO. we see him surveying the war machine, watching the instruments of death be constructed, set apart from everyone -- a glimpse into Kylo’s desire for absolute power without anything being direct. maybe he’s contemplating his isolated existence, how much he doesn’t belong in the Order. or maybe he sees an allure to all this. this is what he wants to possess. it’s probably a mixture of both

16) Rey and Luke!!!!!!! everything about how the film frames them develops their relationship!! even as Luke is testy with her, we get shots like these where they’re sharing a warm sunset light and having deep heart to hearts. 

and you know what you know what what what

the fact that Rey starts asking WHO her parents are after meeting Luke is uhh clearly suggesting that she’s wondering if maybe Luke is her dad. I love in this one shot how he’s slumped and she’s sitting up straighter, making him the vulnerable one. I love how the sunset light highlights Rey’s buns. I love that she keeps her buns for a while. I love that people have headcanoned she kept the buns so that her parents would recognize her, and she has the buns in the whole time she’s trying to get Luke to act like the hero she believes in. like she’s trying to get him to recognize her

Rey adopts Luke as her dad and it’s beautiful get out of my face

17) ye there’s a lot of dead children but also I hadn’t really thought about the fact that R2 watched this as well? and R2 was powered off for so long, until the end of TFA? R2 was traumatized and grieving too, and he’s seen this before, he remembers all the way back to when it was Anakin

18) hors!!!!!!!

19) what the SHIT is this why is this movie a fucking painting why does it keep outdoing itself in paintingness argh the way this film uses the day-night cycle is unbelievable, having Rey and Finn’s stories be connected by having the same time

THE HCKING MOON THOUGH 

20) Ok we could talk about how the cold blue moonlight of uncertainty has become the warm orange light of companionship but we can’t forget what firelight also represents re: Kylo cough burning temple nice little double meaning, is Rey making a new friend or is she being tempted, is he going to warm her or burn her

but also I haven’t thought about how fucking awkward Kylo looks!! is he sitting on that barrel?? like since he’s not there is he just sort of compositing himself into the scene? using a convenient barrel

21) see what I mean about blue being cold. blue = asceticism, red = indulgence, the two extremes 

22) Luke sinks into darkness

23) BUT HE DOES ONE THING! the thing that breaks him out of his depression. he takes the fire -- which represents the burned temple, represents Ben Solo, represents the humanity of the Dark Side -- into his own hands. we see the fire symbolizing destruction, then intimacy, then change, in such short succession

fire represents light-dark, something that is both at once. we’ll get back to this

24) you could say that balance is about making your own light in the darkness

also this is why Poe’s line about being the spark that will burn the First Order down isn’t ~too violent~ cause fire has become a symbol of change, of destruction reclaimed as something restorative, thank you very much 

25) can we talk about the fact that between this being like a coffin and the way Rey is holding the saber, this actually has the heaviest resemblance to the way medieval knights were depicted atop their sarcophagi. I don’t even know what it means but maybe it hints that Rey sees herself as a martyr and a crusader in this quest to redeem Kylo and prove her valor

26) the fact that Poe isn’t the only one who gets in on the coup. because the Resistance isn’t a real military it’s a few thousand antifas gathered from all around the galaxy and their numbers are dwindling fast. people kind of put it all on Poe but Connix and Finn and Rose and this woman and this man and this alien were part of it too, and they could have told Poe to cut it out. I like how the blonde woman seems like she’s not sure what’s going on, she’s evaluating the situation 

27) you know what I stan? I continue to stan aspects of how Snoke is portrayed. I stan the fact that he gets all close up in Rey’s face and grabs her cheek and it kind of mirrors the way Kylo gets in her personal space in TFA but even less so than in TFA, Rey is not framed in the way girls often are when they’re restrained and in distress. when she’s being tortured, we’re not given any tantalizing views of her body. Snoke floating her around the room has her stiff and awkward, and the close-up of her screaming in pain puts the camera behind her head so we see this from her POV, we’re not voyeuristically staring at her, we’re experiencing this indignity with her

28) Kylo Ren killing Snoke has the exact same light on his face as when he killed Han Solo. this is very very interesting

here I am in my corner of Kylo having twisted affection for Snoke as well

29) I wish I could ship this more cause I don’t need all this talk of fairy tale weddings and force pregnancies when here they are slicing up lobster boys with laser swords

30) oh but this is where he makes Rey look sad and thats where!!! you know hes gonna have to pay!!! basically everything about the scene where Kylo tears Rey’s heart out and stomps on it and then asks her to be grateful is extremely well done and it did its intended job of making me Big Mad At Kylo 

also look the fire is back its Symbolic

31) you know what I can’t show in this post? the FUCKING SOUND THAT COMES AFTER THE HYPERSPEED RAM. that sound is the most glorious sound I’ve heard come out of a movie. it’s like a massive metal whale’s death scream. Star Wars has always run on sound design but literally that sound (along with the scene it’s attached to) outdoes everything that has come before it holy wow

32) Finn WHACKING Phasma. he didn’t use a lightsaber in this film, but he uses the baton he picked up the same way he used the lightsaber, and it even glows blue for good measure. and we can’t forget that this movie shows a boy holding a broom like a lightsaber, and Rey practicing saberplay with her staff, so -- objects that are not lightsabers symbolizing lightsabers is a thing 

33) I didn’t think about the fact that the Supreme Leader’s throne room is designed to display a view of the outside, or be cloaked in red. possibly it could display anything it pleases. this is great fun for imagining First Order characters making it display things they want to see, like beautiful vistas, or holofilms. possibly it can recreate whole scenes, like a Star Trek holodeck

34) I don’t have to talk about how Leia is framed by the dawn on Crait do I? we already got the picture when it comes to the day-night cycle and how beautiful it is

35) BABY 8 I can’t believe this droid gets belly scritches and nuzzles from Poe

36) fucking love when Kylo finally snaps and starts throwing petty tantrums again at the end of the film like he holds back his brattiness for 12 hours and then here comes the screaming and foot stamping and flailing

I have thrown too many temper tantrums in my life to not want to see one on the big screen in its full glory. no one has pushed him to the point where he’s just ugly crying on the floor, spewing snot and tearing at his hair

I got vicarious pleasure out of Poe’s outburst on the bridge too. people being angry and not being in the right. it’s something I need for catharsis

37) miniaturized Death Star technology aka BIGGEST LIGHTSABER. Kylo stop compensating

but AU where a ginormous person uses the cannon as an actual saber

38) I’VE TALKED ABOUT HOW FINN’S MOMENT IS IN MY TOP TWO FEELS MOMENTS (top one is the hyperslice) but basically if you don’t think he was affected by seeing the slave kids on Canto Bight, what do you think he’s so angry about here, what do you think has him in a blinding rage?

why do movies have to spell everything out for people in exhaustive detail? the only new thing Finn gets from his experience with Rose, is seeing how the First Order isn’t this isolated enclave of evil. the most powerful people in the galaxy have been supporting it all along. he stops trying to run away because he realizes there is nowhere he can run that won’t have injustice. and he’s seen villagers being massacred, he’s seen the Order attack people he cares about, he’s been personally threatened and had one-on-one duels, but on his trip with Rose he sees children being beaten into submission with electric whips

can’t believe people think Finn wasn’t affected by that when it’s the one thing motivating his character growth

every time he sees civilians getting hurt -- children and families -- he sees himself and the family he’ll never know in them, and is so overwhelmed that he does something brash and radical and self-endangering every time, and his arc is about learning to live with that anger. he runs away from feeling and his angst is so beautiful

and I’m still in the camp of Finn having had a Zuko-like arc when he was a teenager because that boiling frustration at not being able to express his natural empathy is what drove Zuko to angst so hard

FINN IS THE SOLIDARITY KING! HE CARES SO FUCKING MUCH 

39) fire. Luke facing his demons involves him walking through a gate of flame, out of the darkness, into the light

I will say that this is also very Buddhist imagery -- the flaming sword symbolizes wisdom, which cuts through the veil of illusion, specifically the illusion of duality

“Mañjuśrī is depicted as a male bodhisattva wielding a flaming sword in his right hand, representing the realization of transcendent wisdom which cuts down ignorance and duality”

and of course fire being the bridge between light and dark has come up before in the film. the veil is visibly burning here, Luke having fully reclaimed the image of fire, which was earlier in the film held by Kylo Ren 

I mean. just. YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

40) something about this shot is extra special. everything that’s going on on the salt flats is like on this higher dimension, this spiritual plane 

41) for a moment it looks like Luke and the First Order are standing against Kylo. gives you a glimpse into Kylo’s state of mind. is the Order his weapon, or his enemy? it’s both, and he’s absolutely terrified of it

also I’ve talked about how Palpatine’s Contingency plan is about getting revenge on his Empire because he hates its power as much as he revels in it, and he dedicates a good deal of time plotting ways to kill it, because he needs to prove that he is more powerful than it

being the Emperor or Supreme Leader carries with it the distinct horror of knowing that you can never be more powerful than the thing that has empowered you

42) 

43) Luke achieving 100% maximum Buddhist allegory

44) the slope of the floor is the slope of the opening crawl of a Star Wars film 

all right that’s all folks

[jungblue]

nude wars | pt.1 (m)

» pairings: yoongi x reader x jungkook

» genre: smut, touches of fluff / frat!yoonkook

» word count: 4,458

» description: Okay sure, maybe having a threesome with two best friends from the same frat wasn’t the smartest thing you’d ever done. But hey, when the result was them vying for your attention in the form of scandalous snaps, breathy audio messages, and unspeakable texts, well then the decision definitely wasn’t that bad — Or alternatively, your phone getting caught in the middle of Yoongi and Jungkook constantly trying to one-up each other in a war of sexting (and just maybe romantics).

Nine texts, four missed calls, several snaps, one voice mail — who the fuck leaves voicemails?

The notifications flashed across the home screen of your phone after your blurry and sleep-deprived eyes managed to locate the button to stop your shrieking alarm that was set for six-thirty in the goddamn morning. The early wake-up time due to the fact that it was your turn to trudge through the morning shift at the café you worked at — now that was what you called a simple cause and effect. You have the morning shift, so you set your alarm earlier than usual. It was simple, however as your thumb rested against the screen of your phone, the previously mentioned notifications continuing to stare back at you with urging enticement, you once again wondered how this particular cause and effect had come to fruition.

Your teeth caught hold of your bottom lip, bearing down on the tender flesh as your heart began to rapidly beat against your chest. Ragged sighs invaded your lungs as you pressed your thumb against the home button of the device. It unlocked, revealing what you of course already knew would be there. The small red dots that indicated how many missed alerts you had received throughout the night. It was with a deep breath that you pressed down on the first icon to rid yourself of the notification that held the least weight.

Your call log immediately appeared, and of course their names appeared along the screen in red. It was who you expected of course, which was the reasoning behind your excited fidgeting as anticipation dug its claws into the pit of your stomach. The log went as followed:

Missed Call: Yoongi [3:21 AM]

Missed Call: Jungkook [3:27 AM]

Missed Call: Jungkook [3:31 AM]

Missed Call: Yoongi [4:18 AM]

One set of notifications down, you thought to yourself. The missed calls were now wiped out… But there was still the matter of the pesky voicemail. Who had sent it? Jungkook? Yoongi? You thought it best to leave the voicemail for last — the things they said with those voices of theirs always managing to pull at your sanity.

Once you exited out of your calls, you hesitated. You could either go for the text messages or the snaps next. Both had potential to be equally as devilish. You had not known until recently that words could be just as wicked as pictures. However, it was because of these said past encounters that you knew the potential of the glowing yellow app that sat with two awaiting alerts, and so you went for the texts.

It was Yoongi who appeared at the top of the feed of messages.

You stared at it for a moment or so to collect your composure (a composure that would surely be shattered in the coming seconds), before quickly tapping against the rectangular box; six of the nine texts now laid before you.

Yoongi:

[4:01 AM] you ditched me at the party babe

[4:02 AM] surprised you could walk well enough to sneak outta my room so quickly while I was in the bathroom though

[4:02 AM] you know considering how hard you came around my cock tonight

[4:02 AM] but that’s okay bc you left something

[4:04 AM] check your snap

[4:04 AM] sweet dreams

You pulled a slight hiss past your teeth, the words sending a heavy simmer of warmth beneath your skin. Of course you knew exactly what he was referring to, considering you had purposefully left him the previously mentioned token of gratitude before slipping out of his bed earlier last night. You did that knowing it would without a doubt lead to a moment such as this one — and you couldn’t wait to see what Yoongi had done with the opportunity. Suddenly you wanted to finish so that you could see what he’d sent you. Quickly you left Yoongi’s messages, and you didn’t waste any time clicking on Jungkook’s.

However, in true Jeon Jungkook fashion, he managed to halt your hastiness with three simple texts.

Jungkook:

[3:49 AM] you were really naughty tonight you know that?

[3:49 AM] sucking my dick like that and then running off to fuck yoongi

[3:50 AM] bet he tasted my cum on your tongue. didn’t he?

An audible sigh slipped past your lips because for some reason you found such burning pleasure in the thought that Jungkook had just described. Your lower stomach flooded with arousal as you remembered the way your lips had wrapped around Jungkook’s pulsing member, the flash of his seed spilling down your throat before you made your way upstairs to Yoongi’s bedroom only minutes later. You practically jumped on his cock the second you opened the door, mouths messily pressing together — and just as Jungkook had proposed, the younger’s cum had without a doubt been tasted by his elder friend.

But it wasn’t as if Yoongi hadn’t been aware of the fact that you’d just been with Jungkook. His feline-eyes caught your own as he watched Jungkook pull you through the crowd of messy bodies to the downstairs bathroom. It was the upward twitch of his lips into a smirk as he motioned his head to the ceiling towards his room upstairs that prompted you to find him after you were finished with Jungkook. Your thighs began to rub together beneath your blanket as you got lost in last night’s memories of the two men. Staring up at Jungkook through teary eyes as he fucked into your throat seamlessly drifted to Yoongi pounding you into his mattress.

However it was then that you let your eyes wander to the top of your phone screen and you realized that you needed to hurry this up so you could get dressed for work. You quickly exited out of your texts, and with only one single moment of hesitance you clicked down on your app for snapchat. Purple squares sat next to both Yoongi and Jungkook’s names, indicating that they weren’t just pictures — but videos… You might be just a tiny bit late for work this morning.

You decided to watch Jungkook’s first since it was the most recently sent. Your fingers were almost shaking in excitement as your thumb tapped against the screen. Suddenly the raven haired boy appeared in front of you. He was laying on his bed (you could tell because of the iron man sheets), with the camera framed from his chest up, and he was shirtless — of course he was. His hair was messy and tousled as he stared up into the lens, his appearance alone making your toes curl into your comforter.

“The party was so lame after you left,” He yawned, a lazy grin plastered to his lips as his low and gravelly voice sent a jolt straight to your center. “You know you could’ve spent the night, right? Instead of going all the way home. But I guess you ran off to Yoongi before I could offer,” He pouted, and it made you chuckle as the first video cut and the second one started. “But I guess I should go to bed,” He sighed, but then almost instantly his mouth was curved into a smirk. “Hopefully I dream of those pretty fucking lips of yours sucking my dick down again… Speaking of which—” The video cut, jumping to the final part of his late night message to you which pulled a gasp from your throat.

It was a picture angled from above, the snapshot catching him from the neck down. Your teeth clamped onto your bottom lip, your eyes drinking it the way his hand was wrapped around his hardened length. It was so red and needy looking, his thumb stroking across the tip as he showed off the vein lining the underside. His stomach muscles were bulging, letting you know that he had probably stroked himself close to his orgasm before sending you this.

Your mouth started to water staring at the racy picture — regardless of having seen the sight dozens of times due to the fact that these sort of morning wake-ups had become common place since meeting Jungkook and Yoongi almost two months ago at some random party that their frat had thrown. But even after all that passed time, the sight of his veiny, throbbing length still sent a shiver of desire through your body; the desire to sate him.  

And that was simply because no one had better reactions than Jeon Jungkook.

It was so incredibly entertaining to watch him transform from confident playboy to a writhing, whimpering, whining mess beneath your ministrations. Your mind thought back to just a few hours ago when you’d had his back pinned to the bathroom door as you swallowed him down, his high-pitched moaning bouncing off of the walls as his mouth fell slack after a few simple flicks of your tongue. His thighs shook as he begged you to let him cum, and there was simply no way to resist him when he sounded that desperate beneath you.

Eventually the picture disappeared off of the screen, much to your disappointment. It was a rule between the three of you that you wouldn’t screenshot compromising things such as straight up nudes, because honestly you sent pictures and videos often enough that they weren’t needed.

But now that Jungkook’s snap was gone, you were once again faced with the tempting purple square of a video dancing next to Yoongi’s name beneath your fingertip. You could already feel wetness accumulating between your legs as you readied yourself to press down, and you could only imagine how much worse it would get after this. You inhaled deeply as you tapped at the screen — which turned out to be a huge mistake because you instantly choked as soon as the video began to play.

It was your ‘forgotten’ item poised between his teeth — or in other words, it was Min motherfucking Yoongi looking at you through a camera with his icy gaze and smirked lips, your panties hanging from his mouth.

“That fucker,” You muttered, bringing the phone closer to your face, but that part of the video ended almost as quickly as it had started. And you would’ve been totally disappointed… If not for the fact that the next clip that played was Yoongi with your underwear wrapped in his hand as he used it to stroke up and down his throbbing cock.

You gasped, bringing your hand over your mouth as you watched him pleasure himself with your goddamn underwear. It felt like the ability to breathe stalled in your throat for the ten seconds that the video went on. You could hear the tiny grunts falling from Yoongi’s mouth as he worked himself over, his hips already starting to buck into his grip.

“Oh my fucking…” You trailed off, your brows furrowing together as you studied his movements, and of course the first thing your eyes landed on (besides his painfully hard erection) was his hands.

Min Yoongi’s hands were the single most enticing entity that you’d ever had the pleasure of encountering. Various forms of your meetings included things such as having them entangled in your hair, gripping at your ass, or even wrapped around your neck as he fucked into you.

In that moment you could see the prominent vein that ran beneath the top of his hand. It taunted you as he bucked into his clenched fist. The material of your underwear spilled past the gaps in his fingers as he tensed his grip. The needy growls were building in the back of his throat, the movements becoming sloppier as you watched him approach the edge of his high. Clearly Yoongi had waited until he’d been right on the edge to send this because before you could even process the telling grunt that bit past his lips, the first sudden spurt of his seed released. You couldn’t help but outwardly moan at the sight of his cum spilling down the skin of his hands as it mingled with the lacy material of your panties.

However, all good things must come to an end, and that was only proven when the sight of his still leaking member disappeared from the screen. What appeared after that was a picture of Yoongi simply holding your ruined underwear in the palm of his hand as he smirked into the camera. The banner across the photo read:

you should actually stay the night next time when you come to pick these up

You smiled as you tapped the photo away. Once the white screen appeared, you were finally given back the ability to think coherently. Heat had begun to build itself so high inside of your limbs, your thighs twitching together from the sticky beginnings of arousal. You didn’t have time to finish yourself off considering you hadn’t given yourself the couple of minutes necessary to have this mini sexting session, let alone given yourself the time to masturbate afterwards.

But at least the decision was easy this time around.

You quickly tapped at your messages once more, clicking on the group chat that consisted of you, Yoongi, and Jungkook. Your fingers quickly typed the answer you knew the boys would be waiting for when they woke up, presumably several hours from now. The answer to who had won this morning’s little game being etched across the screen.

[6:51 AM] Good use of the present I left you Yoongi

You let out a tiny giggle, pressing the phone to your lips as you imagined the mayhem that would ensue in the texts when Yoongi and Jungkook eventually woke up. At first you had been against the insistence of the two men for you to tell them things such as ‘winners,’ or whose sext of the day you had enjoyed more. You didn’t wanted to offend either of them in your choices, and besides you thoroughly enjoyed everything they sent you, so you didn’t see the point in choosing… But it didn’t take you long to realize the fire that your choice lit beneath them.

Every time they engaged in this game, your choice only fueled them to think of bigger and better things that they could do and say to torture you when they weren’t within your immediate reach. Unfortunately this resulted in moments such as these, with you lying in bed alone, completely unsated and overwhelmingly horny — much too horny for this early in the morning.

You grumbled to yourself as you sat up, swinging your legs over the side of the bed to get ready for work. You made your way over to the dresser that held your uniform, sluggishly slipping each article of clothing on. Why the hell did you go out last night when you had to be up so early? You couldn’t help but chastise yourself as your body begged you to gain refuge within your sheets and blankets once again. But of course you remembered exactly why you had gone out last night against your better judgment, and the reason was simple — you were shamelessly addicted to Min Yoongi and Jeon Jungkook.

It had been almost two months since that first fateful encounter, the montage of memories flashing through your mind. A long night of banter and surprisingly intriguing conversations between two best friends slash frat brothers managed to turn lustful as the three of you slipped up to Yoongi’s room in a tangle of desperate and needy limbs during a party. It ended up being the greatest sexual experience of your entire life, the two men pushing you to your breaking point of pleasure until you were an overstimulated mess beneath them. You had of course expected it to be a simple one time occurrence, and it was because of this that you were highly surprised by their response of asking you to stay after you untangled yourself from their bodies to leave and go home that night.

“Where you going, beautiful?” Jungkook had asked, sitting up from the bed with sweaty strands of raven hair pushed off of his forehead.

“I have a shift in a few hours. Unlike you trust-fund babies, I actually have to work to pay for college,” You responded, slipping your underwear on as you eyed the room for the rest of your clothes.

“Aw don’t be mean now, babe,” Yoongi purred from his laid-back position against the pillows, a lazy grin lining his lips.

“Actually Yoongi is the only trust-fund baby here. I’m a sports scholarship baby, football seven days a week.” Jungkook looked smug as he smirked up at you from the bed, his rippling muscles on full display as if to further prove his point.

How was it again that you managed to fall into bed with the school’s star quarterback, and the son of the founder to Min Inc.? Yeah, seriously how the fuck did that happen?

“Y/N, you can stay,” Yoongi said as you slipped your shorts up your legs.

“Yeah, seriously. We want you to stay,” Jungkook added, reaching his hand out to stroke your bare thigh.

You smiled, ruffling the younger boy’s hair as you bent down to retrieve your bra from the floor.

“Thanks for the offer but I live right next to my work, so it’ll just be easier when I wake up if it’s right there.”

It was highly convenient that you stayed just a ten minute walk away from your job at a local coffee shop. The distance allowing you to gain those precious thirty extra minutes of sleep that you always desperately needed.

“Fine,” Jungkook sighed, jutting his lip out in an amusing pout. “Can we have your number at least? Tonight was fun.”

At the time it wasn’t exactly something that you had to mull over. The sex was great, and you knew these guys were looking for something casual, so why not?

“Sure,” You said simply as you unlocked your phone and tossed it onto the bed between the two of them.

By the time you were fully dressed, managing to find every article of your clothing that had been scattered across the floors, Yoongi was handing the phone back to you.

“I texted myself, so I have yours,” He said as you took the device from his hand.

“Me too,” Jungkook added.

“Cool, just hit me up whenever. I’ll see you guys,” You said simply with a smile, and you were about to turn and leave but suddenly someone’s hand wrapped around your wrist.

“Wait, one more thing.” It was Jungkook’s voice, and by the time you turned to face him again, his lips were connecting with yours.

There was a slight gasp before you quickly melted into it. His hand cupped the side of your face, guiding you along in the kiss. Your tongue slipped past his mouth, circling with his in a brief entanglement that had Jungkook groaning against you — but it was again very brief, and that was because suddenly you were being steered away from the younger boy, and through half-lidded eyes you managed to make out Yoongi’s face before you were kissing him instead. His hands gripped at your waist, pulling you in as he did the same with his tongue. It snaked around yours, demanding your attention with timely strokes until he broke away with you bottom lip settled gently between his teeth.

“We’ll definitely take you up on that offer,” Yoongi whispered against your mouth before falling back into his original positon along the pillows with a satisfied grin. “Jungkook’s always busy with football practice though, so maybe next time it can be just us,” He smirked.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes in response. “But I’m always looking for a way to destress after practice. Maybe I can call you sometime?”

You couldn’t help but smile at the little game that the two boy’s had going on. Jungkook and Yoongi were the power couple of best friends. Everyone knew that, even people that had never actually met them, so you knew it was all in good fun.

“Definitely,” You replied simply to Jungkook’s question before continuing. “But I really gotta go. I’ll see you guys.”

“Bye,” You heard them both say as you made your way to the door, but as you were leaving you heard a small snippet of conversation that was so childish that it was amusing.

“You basically kissed me just now,” Jungkook said to Yoongi, and you could hear the playfulness in the younger’s voice.

“Yeah well if we’re going by that logic then I fucked you,” Yoongi replied with little emotion, and it made you snicker as you shut the bedroom door, effectively leaving the two friends behind.

That was two months ago.

And just as the boys said they would, they contacted you again… And again, and again, until eventually it somehow transformed into something that you would almost consider to be routine. You saw them every couple of days, and it wasn’t even sexual all of them time. They had essentially become friends to you… Friends that you just so happen to have a lot of sex with, sometimes together or apart.

It was strange, you never would’ve imagined that going upstairs with them that night could’ve caused all of this. But that again brought you back to your point from earlier, and that was simply, how exactly had this specific cause and effect come to be? Effect: Gaining two sort of friends with benefits, along with beginning a technological war of nudes and texts that your phone was now involved in. Cause: Going off with two sinfully good looking boys so that they could consume you in every way imaginable.

— But you definitely weren’t complaining about any of it.

Now it was just a common thing for events such as the ones that had occurred this morning to unfold. Waking up to a line of notifications that you knew would make your blood run hot. Whether it be from their words, pictures, videos, or voices, it all resulted in the same thing; you being unimaginably needy for the both of them.  

It was thoughts of those devilish notifications that suddenly made you remember something. Because of your rushing to get ready for work, it wasn’t until you were already out of the door and on your way to the coffee shop that you remembered the voicemail. You quickly pulled your phone out of your back pocket before clicking your way through until you were looking at your voicemails.

Min Yoongi.

You sort of expected that he was the one who had left it. After all you had ditched him without saying any sort of goodbye. It wasn’t that you did it maliciously, but you needed to get home and he was taking too long to come back from the bathroom, so you decided that you would talk to him later… And also maybe because you knew leaving your underwear for him to find would lead to a lot more fun than saying a simple goodbye.

Eventually you readied yourself to hear the voicemail, not entirely sure of the content that it would hold. But you were tired of waiting to find out, so you simply took a deep breath before tapping against the play button and bringing the phone to your ear.

“Hey,” He started, voice sounding gruff as if he were on the cusp of sleep. “So you ditched me tonight, but I don’t really know why I was surprised… And I don’t really know why I’m leaving this voicemail either because like who the fuck leaves voicemails anymore,” He chuckled nervously, making you smile. “But I guess I’m just calling because I didn’t get to say bye to you tonight, and you haven’t opened the snaps so you’re probably already sleeping. Maybe I can come by tomorrow after you’re off of work or something? So hopefully I’ll see you then. But yeah, next time… Maybe you could stay… or something… uhm yeah. Night, Y/N.”

Huh, that was certainly a juxtaposition to those deadly texts and snaps that he’d left for you.

Of course that didn’t change the fact that you were now smiling like an absolute idiot as you walked down the sidewalk, your thumb already coming down on the play button to replay the message, his sweetly apprehensive words once again filling your mind.

Over the past two months you had learned a few things. One of those being that the older half of your friends with benefits combo, Min Yoongi, was not very good with words — well at least when they didn’t pertain to anything sexual. Other than that he tended to keep to himself. He would talk and add to the conversation of course, but it was definitely less than someone like Jungkook. It was so amusing to see such a difference in Yoongi. One second he could be brazenly telling you how badly he wanted you to ride his dick, and the next he was a cute, hesitant mess as he muttered that he wanted to see you after you got off of work. But it didn’t bother you in the slightest, in fact you actually found it to be incredibly charming.

Jungkook’s charms were similar, but opposite in comparison to Yoongi’s. The younger was shameless in everything he said, sent, or typed, not a hint of hesitation within him. However, it was always amusing to watch the unabashed boy turn speechless beneath you when things turned sexual. Most of the time you let him keep the ability to murmur his enticing words against your skin, and that was simply because you found it difficult to resist his emboldened dirty talk… But sometimes it was a bit more fun to turn him into a whimpering mess, rendering his repertoire of sexually verbal discourse completely obsolete.

So alike, yet somehow so different they were. That was the amusing thought that continued to dance through your mind as you finally walked into work. The overwhelming scent of coffee already wafted through the air around you, a few of your co-workers giving you a quick wave as they readied everything.

You couldn’t help but think about how long of a day this was going to be. Your shift lasted well into the afternoon and you already wanted to run into the break room to sleep your exhaustion away. Why exactly had you gotten a job that required you to wake up at the crack of dawn again? Oh yeah, it was called tuition, rent, and food. However, even as you reluctantly made your way to the back of the shop, you couldn’t help the creeping memories of promised visits by two certain someone’s that made the idea of this horrendously long shift slightly more tolerable.  

→ masterlist

[temporaryexpert-nyu]

Project 2: Reflection

On the process:

While I immediately knew what I wanted to do my second project on, I spent most of my time trying to choose a medium or form for it. I think that making my systems map really helped with this and I should have done it a lot earlier.

I also really struggled with thinking that my ideas were ‘good’ and my project was interesting or important. I found that I was constantly asking for validation from other people and it was only after getting that approval that I would feel confident enough in continuing to work. This is a confidence problem that bleeds into all of my artistic work and that I need to get over.

I did not see how big the project had to be until I was working on the project. It had seemed a lot smaller and more achievable in my head, but as I was working I realized that to get the end result and impact I wanted, I would have to put in a lot more than I had planned. Because of this, I was really disappointed in myself by the final week.

If I were to rewind and do this project all over again I would try to:

Find a way to automate or streamline a lot of the time-consuming, brain numbing tasks like painting chat bubbles or time stamps. The chat bubbles, for example, I could simplify by making custom brushes. I could have had template layers for things like Instagram posts or tweets.

Stop pressing ctrl+z all the time. Everything took me so much longer because I was so finicky with lines and alignment – some were too neat, some were too messy. I would redo the tiniest element, such as the battery bar, fifteen times with tiny variations. Because of this, every panel took three times as long as it should have.  

Get more feedback during the design process. I could have cut my brainstorming time by a lot if I had asked people to pitch ideas as well, telling me about things they see that make them uncomfortable or worried from influencers. I think this would have been really valuable input that I disregarded. I did some testing with panels, for example by sending a completed one and asking “what does this mean to you/does this make sense”, but by then I had already completed that image and didn’t have the time to change it.

I should have learned more about comics and paneling as a part of my research. To be honest, I’ve read very few comic books (like, four?) and have only started to do so recently. I think having a more solid base in that area would have lended to my work.

I’m interested in using the medium to its fullest capacity to deliver the message, and I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface in terms of what is possible. Instagram posts allow for videos, so what about learning how to make short animations? That would have been a cool way to show the airbrushing/editing of photos. Cinemagraphs are super cool to me and very #trendy, where it’s a still photo but one element is animated. I think in terms of learning new techniques or programs; I didn’t really deliver. 

Next steps;

Putting it ‘out there’. I want to employ Instagram tactics to get an audience. I think that people who are complicit in things like ‘follow for follow’, spamming hashtags with likes, and using third party apps to gain followers/likes are the people who this has to reach the most? Because they’re so trapped in this system.

I’d like to expand the project so it has a satisfying character ‘arc’ for Haya and a narrative that can be followed. I found that my panels were critical enough, they didn’t have the shock or horror factor that I wanted them to because I didn’t want to be so heavy-handed so quickly. I was going for more of a slow realization, or for the reader to sympathize with this person before they realize ultimately that she’s involved in a dangerous culture and actively hurting other people. That requires more panels and more world building.

It would be cool to create a community through this Instagram account. I’d like to get feedback from people via DM’s who want to submit their own narrative, or for the account to actively respond to what’s happening in the Instagram Influencer community. For example, right now the James Charles/Tati Westbrook scandal is the current fixation of this part of the internet, two influencers and former friends fighting because one decided to work with a big name ‘beauty vitamin’ company instead of the other’s beauty vitamin company. It would be interesting for this account to respond to that through these panels.  

My worry is the chronology I chose. Because of the way Instagram posts are grouped on a profile chronologically, adding new posts would confuse the narrative structure. I’d have to go back and delete posts to add to the end or middle.

 Summary of critique;

I got pretty positive feedback (which is good because I am very sensitive and crumble under the slightest criticism) so I don’t remember any big critiques other than continuing to expand the project and user testing it. I think that my biggest criticisms are from myself.

I want everything to look a lot neater and more professional, I wish I had used more consistency with the line style or the brushes I used. 

There are inconsistencies in color and line alignment that seem glaringly obvious now.

It’s easy to spot the difference between the first few panels I did and the last ones and that’s not good in terms of consistent style. 

 I’m looking for a more legible font, and a way for Instagram to not compress the images so poorly that the posts are a little pixelated. 

There are some typos that I didn’t think too much about because people are always making typos when they text. 

I think I relied too heavily on texting as a visual tool and that was lazy of me, I should have gotten more creative with conveying information. More to-do lists, search histories, doctor’s notes, reminders, etc. More pictures and colors would have been nice too, there’s currently too much text, I think. 

The Instagram captions were alright but I think I could have spent more time working on them and their voice. 

I think I should have done at least 3 more panels, and I would have if I planned my time better.

I should have planned more to fit my research in better. I only incorporated a small part of what I found into the project. I didn’t get into -the body dysmorphia, things like snapchat filters and airbrushing. 

There were a lot of topics that I was just too uncomfortable to broach, but I should have

Research;

While I sifted through many scholarly articles and journals, the research that really helped and inspired me was not so scholarly. It really was the sort of masochistic act of following loads of influencers and keeping up with their drama that provided me with material for my project. I found myself screenshotting and screen recording the most ridiculous and appalling things. The interesting part was, the more influencers that I followed, the more the advertisements that appeared on my newsfeeds changed. After a while, I was getting ads on surgery, clinics in the area and shady meal plan subscriptions, almost daily, whereas before, these topics rarely appeared.

The scholarly stuff worked more to validate that the problem I’m studying is big enough and quantifiable enough to be a real cause of concern.

[dianaagron]

hello darkness my old friend i’ve come back on tumblr once again (after like one month of not uploading anything or reblogging or answering messages for that matter because im a shit person who is actually very busy)

once upon a time this was called the your fave crack edits maker watched the thing earlier review but let’s be honest im not editing a flying fuck lately so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  (here are part 1, part 2 AND part 3 tho)

warnings: i talk like a sailor, i haven’t been in touch with the fandom or with the whole franchise for like months and if you’re not that interested in the actual plot of the thing and you’re just watching out of love for the characters, there’s a 99% chance i’m even more disinterested than you (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:·ﾟ✧

basically if you’re looking for in-depth analysis and metas yo this ain’t the post for you my friend

good luck reading lmao

it’s a truth universally acknowledged that if a tri movie is coming out, tumblr user dianaagron (clara for friends) won’t know about it until the day after, when she’ll wake up and check twitter after 84 years of not logging in and realize that yesterday was the day. actually, this time i remembered the episodes were out the same day they were released, but still it was because of good ol’ twitter, because with all the mess that’s going on with me (part of the reason why i’m never here) even if i happened to check at the beginning of the week when soushitsu was coming out, i still managed to completely forget about it in the span of a fucking day. also, i’m fucking pissed because i’ve always watched the thing after downloading the various episodes because that way i have all my stuff and i can go back and easily find caps and other stuff like that but nope not this time because i can’t fucking find a single torrent and i’m refusing to download subbed episodes because a) it’s gonna take so long to direct download something and b) what use are subbed episodes when i know i’d be replacing them with unsubbed ones as soon as i can find working dls (this is a cry of help: tell me where i can download the episodes, im dying, thank you)

one thing to take into account: i was extra pissed for various reasons yesterday night when i watched the first two episodes, so i’m not really sure if that’s why, compared to the shit that i had to deal with in real life, the episodes (in the contrary to all expectations) weren’t bad at all. truth is i actually liked this installment? INCREDIBLE, I KNOW. of course it had its nonsense moments and parts that made me roll my eyes (im buying pizza for everyone who can guess which were those moments) and other negative parts, but i really preferred movie 4 to movie 3. i’m guessing this is an unpopular opinion because i remember everyone was so happy with kokuhaku back in the day and i was the only soul going like lmao i didnt even cry but idk, i liked this one, it wasn’t bad. btw, i said i’m guessing mine could be an unpopular opinion because i’m writing this sorry excuse of a review before reading anything else cause i don’t want to be influenced :)))))

(save me ive written 500 words on nothing) (meanwhile i finally found torrent links) (and i had to pause the review because i ended up going out yesterday night so this is me talking one day later from what you’ve read before)

once again, i feel like nothing happened in the course of these four new episodes. now, i know i’m extremely slow when it comes to get plot points and all that (not because i’m that stupid, thank you very much, but because of my attention span varies from 1 second to 2 and a half so it’s hard for me to recall what happened in the previous installments unless i go and rewatch all of them - thing i won’t ever do because this girl right here is lazy as fuuuck) but if you sit down and think about what was revealed, you get close to nothing lmao.

winning points of the movie (for me):

not too many extreme closeups like in the previous installment. it flowed better, the animation quality wasn’t as terrible as it was in the previous four episodes (im saying this just by quickly looking at the caps i took - while in the other i had so many ugly caps here they all look presentable and usable) (i say this from the point of you of someone who makes edits of course, i dont have the knowledge of an animator lmao), the majority of the shots with mimi, which are the ones that i pay the most attention to, are super pretty, but also those with taichi’s!!! his design was super on point, i have many caps im probably gonna insert later of just him looking hella attractive, and sora!!! omg sora was so fucking beautiful in these episodes i was so :)))) yay for nice designs, they make me happy.

the lack of you know who for basically two episodes. it was so good, so nice, so calming. i was loving life and life was loving me.  

HOW THEY HANDLED THE TAIORATO!!!! if you know me or if you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know this already, but i’m saying this in case i have new readers (HI) or, y’know, to swipe some dust off: i’m not the biggest fan of the main three. that comes from the fact that michi is my otp and i love taishiro probably too much for my own sanity, so i tend to be on the taichi/koushiro/mimi & yamato/sora/jyou side of things (which is like, super unpopular because if it’s not taiorato then it’s yamichi, so you get why my life is a constant struggle). anyway, thing is that i actually loved the interactions between the three? it was light and it felt super real, it could easily be relatable. it was also clear to me that taichi’s and yamato’s roles in sora’s life were blatantly different and i also loved to see how the two of them while being in the same situation reacted differently, but i’m gonna touch this topic later. overall tho, good job on the dynamic between those three. im clapping my hands, i wasn’t excited about it when the movie poster came out five months ago but i’m so happy that they made me love the parts with taichi, yamato and sora.

it wasn’t heavy on fight scenes. i know. I KNOW. but as i’ve said, i’m not the average digimon fan so i’m happy with my bonds developing and less fights and all that stuff :))))

meiko exceeding all expectations and NOT CRYING for all four episodes. such sorcery. 

on the other hand tho

y’all, who the fuck is that ygdradude? am i supposed to know? did i miss a focal point? am i that disinterested in the plot to miss a fucking focal point????

also what the fuck was that part with i dont know his name, the teacher, with the white space shit and the talk about libra. what is libra, who is libra, what the hell, what the fuck

pedo gennai dear lord i felt so fucking uncomfortable 

remember when i said meiko didn’t cry? she didn’t cry because they replaced her with her partner and made meicoomon whine for 3/4 of the movie instead 

the opening scene ????????????????  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ artistic choice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the fact that they basically wasted half an episode (the last one) on three evolutions. they really need to cut down the timing of those, for real

i can’t think of anything else rn 

they could’ve kept meiko away for other three episodes if it was me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

then again they could’ve just kept meiko away from tri in general if it was me

warning: i have 98 screenshots ready to use, i’m gonna try to cut some stuff because that’s too many, but here we go 

they were pulling some hikari shit right here (as well as some charlie chaplin sorcery for the whole sequence)

that’s what i’m saying

OKAY LISTEN, that fucking egg with the circular thing under it made me highkey hope for some sort of magic shit happening and bringing the 02 kids back because it looks like a digimental egg or however those things were called. like my hope was so highkey that i fucking ended up dreaming the night between me watching the first two episodes and the latter two that miyako was back. unfair. i hated it. i want my kids back. 

taichi being handsome: exhibit A

mimi being beautiful: exhibit A

sora being incredibly pretty yet sad: exhibit A (i told you guys the design was extra better compared to the last movie) 

random caps taken merely for the fact that taichi and mimi were next to each other looking aesthetically pleasing to the eye  (also do you ever cry about the skin tone difference between these two because i tend to do that a lot) 

i can’t stand them hahahahah

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) frankly they could’ve shown yamato in the next scene so that way the foreshadowing would’ve been blunt and people wouldn’t still be bitching. or maybe they would anyway lmao. also look at the girls being all pretty together im so :))))

just pretty mimi and taichi + koushiro talking i was :)))) i love them all i love my kids, especially kou when he goes on about his tea

and i also FINALLY appreciated a koumi scene!!!! it happened!!!!! honestly, as i’ve said, i’m not entirely sure if it was because i was facing so much rl shit right before i watched the thing or what, but this time i was just enjoying what tri had to offer me without caring too much about other stuff like “ugh they’re pushing the fanservice with ship baits” and such. this was just plain cute, mimi was terribly in character, koushiro as well, and it was just the kind of interaction that i love. i love my kids pt. 2974521248 like, of course i would’ve loved for mimi to feed one to taichi, but i’m still somehow sane and i know they’ll never show something like that in canon? but still, it’s nice cause i know how differently from koushiro taichi would’ve reacted in a setting like this and i just can use it in my fanon world. goodbye.

this is why i’m team taichi, yamato

taichi being handsome: exhibit B

JUST IMAGINE HIM LOOKING AT MIMI LIKE THAT BEFORE THEY KISS IM SO ??????????? im gonna make a manip just wait for it

AH YES The Interaction™ also known as one of my fave parts of the movie lmao but it’s so nice whenever mimi talks it’s taichi the first one to answer im happy goodbye

cutie patootie be looking at his cute patoote

legit thought palmon was going to transform into sailor palmoon or something

why so ugly good lord

AAAHHHHHH!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS!!!! THIS THING RIGHT HERE!!!!  let me put it into context in case you don’t remember: this was taichi asking his LEGIT CANON BEST FRIEND IZUMI KOUSHIRO TO NOT PUSH HIMSELF TOO MUCH AND REST. can anything be as beautiful as this? this made my heart defrost, im alive, y’all need to reevaluate your “taichi and yamato are bffs” business because. of. this. right. here. (im slamming my fist on the table, in case you were wondering) 

hikari being smug af with takeru tho, that gave me life as well. also jyourato sitting next to each other <33333

AND THE SISTER IN LAWS <3333333 under a blanket that it’s so mimi’s 

penis shot

taichi you fool...

a word on the so called triangle that of a triangle it has nothing but whatever: it was clear to me that yamato and taichi hold two very different spots in sora’s life, while both being important to her. there are multiple times when we see yamato trying to make taichi break the ice and talk to sora, and that’s because he is her best friend, so he should be the one who is supposed to know how to make her feel better at all times. another thing i noticed was how it was yamato to be the most sensitive to sora (unsurprisingly so): you see it especially when taichi is busy with agumon and he’s still monitoring sora, worried

here

and of course this whole exchange was beautiful, and i don’t have much else to add. truly iconic. 

[insert penis joke here]

can we please take a moment to appreciate sora and mimi? they are so important

DA BACKHUG DOE guess who also watches kdramas lmao

minute 18 of episode 2 say goodbye to all your dreams of greatness 

CRYING HE’S SO PRECIOUS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH imagine him holding a baby 

i’m too lazy to go back and take another screenshot, but jyou with both palmon and patamon holding onto him was something else

🙄  🙄  🙄  even here mere expression makes me 🙄  but at least she wasn’t crying

i wasn’t

actually, as studies say, mimi is, in fact, a libra

why you know who tho when we all know it was sora who was supposed to be in the picture

why you know who pt. 2 

GET OFF THE RAILS YOU FUCKING FUCKS IS2G THEY FUCKING WAITED UNTIL THE LAST MOMENT TO GET OFF LIKE YAMATO AND KOUSHIRO U PRICKS IF YOU DON’T SEE THE OTHER TWO MOVING WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING, A HAND FROM THE SKY? THE TEA TO BE SERVED????

the fluff tho

the contrast between hikari being the calm one and having accepted the situation vs taichi still being unsure and lost was nicely done by making her facing the light and him staying in the shadows, good job with the cinematography im clapping my hands

F U C K I N G  W H Y  no, but seriously, i was already uncomfortable before with him being on top of her but this just just like yikes to a whole new level like i just don’t get it???? was it necessary???? just ew

i love mimi and the lowkey koukari pass it on

who the fuck is ygdrasil tho

ah yes, chosen children be so fit, they be running from huge monsters wanting to kill them off, they be escaping just with their two legs. incredible. 

digimon au: cruise OR digimon au: titanic (spoiler: meiko is jack) 

tag urself im jyou speaking the words of wisdom

takeru was cute here

weird lighting aka good luck to those who gif these scenes lmao

teach me this choreography guys don’t keep it to urselves 

this was some weird shit right here let me tell you

ah yes again with the superhuman strength, surviving after a fucking huge machine slams you repeatedly against a mountain or smth like that

ur the one saying it gennai get a fucking grip 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! MY JYOURA HEART, JYOU BEING DASHINGGGG how can they not believe him when he says he has a girlfriend i mean have you seen the dude? he’s going to be a doctor, he can fucking catch a girl falling from 20 meters up in the sky i meAN 

THE REAL HIGHLIGHT OF THE MOVIE. GALS BEING PALS. (for real tho, i felt so blessed? it’s in moments like these that i just feel all the love for this anime, im so :)))))) )

and jyou comforting sora as welllllll~~~~

and that’s it with the pics you guys!!! a couple of further points

if they didn’t waste half an episode on three evolutions, they could’ve just gone further with the plot, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

im not saying meiko grew on me, because i still want her out, but i can deal with her if he doesn’t cry as much as he did in the first three installments 

what’s up with that ygdradude and libra talk is my question

they still need to address the 02 kids mystery and i need my babies back 

the triangle is not, in fact, a triangle

i love my kids 

and the episodes weren’t bad, come on. they went a little further with the plot by showing that the chick whose name i don’t remember had a partner that died and so that was the reason for the reboot, so they did give some answers, and at least the pacing of this movie was faster than in the previous one. 

also, as i’ve said, idk what’s the popular opinion but i loved sora’s arc, it was nicely done and i don’t have anything to bitch about (except for meiko’s unnecessary presence). i felt for her and i wanted to wrap a blanket around her and just give her all the love.

and that’s it i think? 

im blocking out the memories of the scenes with gennai because im feeling super uncomfortable whenever i do

we’re talking first kiss between wang so and hae soo in scarlet heart levels of uncomfortable

the ending sequence was so cute <3333 especially sora and piyomon, they were my faves closely followed by taichi and agumon

and im done

thank you for reading

i’ll probably go back to my hibernation now 

ily all 

if you got to this point i’m truly buying you a pizza 

and let’s not forget the winning screencap, you can use it every day at every hour, every moment in your life

[fakaza247]

How to Extend Your Wifi Network With an Old Router

It’s the most irritating scenario: You set up your router in your new house or apartment, and your wifi is working flawlessly, until you find your downloads (or streaming) screech to a halt in that area that’s just outside your router’s range—like the exact spot where you watch Apple TV on the couch, or stream music at your workbench, or binge movies in bed.

There are plenty of tricks you can use to squeak a little more range out of your existing equipment. If your networking gear is old, or you don’t want to deal with a lot of hassle, I normally recommend buying something new: a better router that supports the fastest wireless speeds your devices can handle, a wifi mesh system with a dedicated backhaul connection, or even a super-cheap wifi extender if you just need a bit more range for simpler tasks.

If you don’t feel like spending a penny more for your setup, you have an alternative: using an old router to extend (or build onto) your primary router’s wireless signal. You know the one—that trusty, retired workhorse you’ve kept around in case of emergency (or from laziness).

Instead of letting it collect more dust, you can repurpose the old router to help boost the range of your wireless network at home. This won’t be a perfect solution, especially if it’s some older wireless-n router that you’re trying to force into your newer wireless-ac world, but it can at least save you some cash and possibly give you better wireless performance than a simpler extender. Waste not, want not?

Option 1: A new access point

The best thing you can do with an old wifi router you’re no longer using is to convert it into a simple wireless access point. So long as your house or apartment is wired for Ethernet (or you don’t mind stringing cables), it’s an easy way to give an area wireless connectivity that doesn’t already have it (or has a weak signal).

To get started, connect your older router (WAN port) to your newer router (LAN port), and connect a device to your older router. Pull up your older router’s settings—more on how to do that here—and look around for some kind of “access point mode,” as it’s commonly called. Depending on the router, this might even be called “bridge mode,” which is a confusing term that we’ll address later in this article.

Screenshot: Netgear

What you’re trying to do is disable the router’s DHCP server—how connected devices receive an internal IP address from your router. If you don’t, you’re committing the networking sin of running a router inside a router, which might cause issues for whatever you’re doing on devices connected to your second router.

To note: Performing this step will change the IP address you use to access your router’s settings via your browser, if you went that route. You’ll also need to reset your router and switch the Ethernet cable from its WAN port to one of its LAN ports. To find your older router’s new IP address, pull up your newer router’s configuration and look for the section where your your router lists connected devices. Your older router should be one of them.

(You can also probably set your router’s IP address manually on its configuration screen, if you’d rather remember it that way.)

Place your router in a perfect place for wherever you’re planning to expand your wireless capabilities, assuming you have a long-enough Ethernet cable, or in-wall cabling.

It’s convenient to set up your old router’s wireless networks with the same SSID and password as your existing wireless networks. I like giving them different names than my existing wifi networks (same password), because then I can decide which access point to connect to—the newer router or the older router.

Why? Because your devices are probably stupid and cling to a lower-strength wireless signal for way too long, and your older router likely doesn’t support any features for bouncing devices with poor signals off the access point. Using separate SSIDs for your different routers means you’ll have to make sure you’re connected to the right wifi network if you’re moving around a lot between the two, but that’s a small issue to deal with for the performance benefits. You don’t want your device to cling to your older router’s so-so signal if your newer router’s faster wifi network is a better option (or vice versa).

Option 2: Use your router’s wireless repeater mode

Look through your router’s settings (or manual) to determine if it has some kind of “wireless repeater,” “extender,” or “bridge” mode—yes, it’s that bridge word again, which router manufacturers love to use to mean different things.

If you’re not sure if you’re selecting the correct mode or not, see if your older router’s manual (or the description of the feature within the router’s UI) indicates that this mode will allow your older router to connect to another router using its wireless signal. Most importantly, your older router will also need to be able to accept wireless connections from devices.

(Sometimes, when router manufacturers say “wireless bridge,” they mean connecting two routers together over wifi without allowing any other wireless clients to connect. In this scenario, any devices you connected to your older router via an Ethernet cable would join your larger network.)

If you think about it, this setup replaces the Ethernet cable of the previous step—the one connecting your new router and your old router—with a wireless signal. This kind of a setup also comes with one important caveat: If you run your old router as a wifi extender, you’re going to cut your performance in half for connected devices. LearnTomato describes why:

“There is a downside to using a wireless bridge in repeater mode and WDS mode. If the secondary router retransmits the wireless signal (instead of connecting client computers with a wire), the wireless throughput in the secondary building will be cut in half. Each transmission is known as a “hop”. The second wireless hop is the one that takes the hit. […]

Basically, wireless clients connected to the second router will not enjoy the same performance as the wireless clients connected to the first router. Why? Because the transmitter in the second router has to do twice the work. It must first receive the signal from the primary router, and then retransmit the signal to wireless clients.”

This is why you’re always better off using an Ethernet connection, where possible, to connect access points to your primary router. A wireless bridge might be more convenient, but your speeds can suffer.

If your router isn’t an extender, make it one

There’s a good chance that your router, old (or cheap) as it is, doesn’t have any options built into its UI that allow you to use it as an access point or an extender. Resist the urge to drop this router in the recycling bin, because you still have a chance to bend it to your will. You’ll have to flash it with a third-party firmware—the software you’d interact with to change its settings—which can help you unlock features you couldn’t previously play with.

I like using DD-WRT myself, but you can also try OpenWRT or Tomato—or even AdvancedTomato, if you want a prettier GUI. You’ll have to do a little digging to see which firmware works with your specific router (if any), and know that you router might have different versions, too. (This is something you’ll probably cross-reference against each third-party firmware by consulting the label on the bottom or rear of your router.)

It’s important to get the right firmware, and the right version of that firmware, for your specific router, as flashing your router with incorrect firmware could cause a world of issues that might take a lot more time to fix. You can check support for your exact router here:

Since I’m practicing this on a TP-Link Archer C7, I decided to go with good ol’ DD-WRT. I started by looking at the bottom of my router to confirm that I had hardware version “v2, and I then downloaded the corresponding firmware (factory-to-ddwrt.bin) from DD-WRT’s site.

Screenshot: David Murphy ((DD-WRT)

I then jumped into the regular web interface for the Archer C7—by typing in the typical 192.168.0.1 into my web browser—and navigated over to the section you’d normally use to update the router’s firmware with a new image from TP-Link. Instead, I selected the DD-WRT .BIN file I just downloaded, and let ‘er rip.

Screenshot: David Murphy

…and nothing happened.

Screenshot: David Murphy

As is sometimes the case, the firmware updating process didn’t accept the obviously-not-from-TP-Link image. If this happens to you, don’t give up. I hit up the DD-WRT forums, found the gigantic post for the Archer C7 router, and learned that I would probably have better luck flashing my router with the most recent DD-WRT beta, rather than what was listed in the site’s Router Database. I did that, and…success!

Screenshot: David Murphy

I then visited DD-WRT’s Wireless tab and looked for the “Wireless Mode” section for my router’s 2.4Ghz and 5GHz radios. I clicked the drop-down box and…again, nothing. No “repeater” mode to select. As it turns out, the Archer C7 uses a Qualcomm Atheros chip, and that doesn’t support “easy mode,” or the conventional repeater mode that you’d otherwise be able to select. Sigh.

Screenshot: David Murphy

If you find yourself in this boat, you still have options. This tutorial, though extensive, should be able to get your old router set up as a wifi extender. If you’re using a dual-band router, it’s even easier. Follow the steps to connect your old router to your new router via “client mode,” but don’t create a virtual interface. Use your router’s other radio in AP mode, instead—devices will connect to that, and your old router will use the other radio for the backhaul connection to your existing router.

Screenshot: David Murphy

At this point, you’re probably wishing you bit the bullet and just bought a cheap extender. I don’t blame you, but this is sort-of fun—and it’s a lot easier than I thought it would be, that’s for sure.

Let’s recap

If you’re not looking to spend money on upgrading your home wifi setup, you should consider using an older router to extend your wireless signal in your house. Every little bit helps. Keep these pointers in mind when you’re building your new Frankenstein-like networking setup:

Wherever possible, connect your older router to your existing network using Ethernet cable.

Don’t forget to disable your old router’s “routing” capabilities. If your older router has an “access point” mode, that makes this even easier.

Consider using different SSIDs for your old and new networks, so you can have more manual control over how your various devices connect.

You can also try setting your router up as a wireless extender, but you’ll take a performance hit.

If your router doesn’t come with a wireless extender mode by default, you might be able to flash it with third-party firmware to unlock the feature.

This story was originally published on 7/30/13 and was updated on 6/27/19 to provide updated information.

The post How to Extend Your Wifi Network With an Old Router appeared first on Fakaza247.

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[deenand]

Losing A Friend Made Me A Better Person (with screenshots of the whole fight)

Losing A Friend Made Me A Better Person (with screenshots of the whole fight)

I lost my oldest and best friend. It ended really badly. I’m going to tell you all about it (with screenshots). What happened, why we fell apart and whether I think it’s worth salvaging. Diviya Nand - I talk about dating, relationships and social empowerment I lost my oldest and best friend. It ended really badly. I’m going to tell you all about it (with screenshots). What happened, why we fell apart and whether I think it’s worth salvaging. I’ve struggled with female friendships for the longest time. When I was 15, my closest group of girlfriends decided to shun me because a silly misunderstanding. It was a hard time in my life. I had just moved out of home so I needed these friendships more than ever. Watching them exclude me was the first and only time I seriously considered suicide. I moved on since then and created new friendships (but struggled to rely on my girl-friends emotionally in the same way again). The whole time I was in school, I only continued my friendship with one friend. She was great. Until she wasn’t. Over the 10 years of this friendship, we travelled together, supported each other and even participated in a threesome on a whim. We knew everything about each other and saw each other every few months. Admittedly, we were very different people but somehow it worked. She had a lot of religious friends who were judgemental of me and my liberal behaviours. She stuck up for me. I allowed her space to explore her sexuality and talk about anything in a non-judgemental space. She behaved like a young sorority girl so she allowed me to be young and carefree I am strong-willed and not willing to deal with people’s silliness so I inspired her to create more boundaries

The dynamic was lovely until one incident when our friendship stopped working.

One day, she organised for me and 4 of her other best girl-friends (whom I barely knew) to go on a long weekend away interstate. I didn’t know the other girls well but I agreed because It’s my best friend’s birthday and she asked and She was going overseas for one year for work. This would be the last hoorah as they say. So I go spend the whole weekend with her and four of her friends and something was wrong. My best friend seemed passive-aggressive and annoyed throughout the whole weekend with everyone. I felt bad for her that she spent all that time planning this trip and wasn’t enjoying herself. I myself was pretty fried that weekend after a particularly long work week. Regardless, when we got back, I shot her a quick message to ask her if everything was okay with her as she seemed unhappy. Her response shocked me. This was her reply:

Hi babe! Sorry for the really delayed reply. I kept meaning to answer & would type, then get distracted. Yeah, I was annoyed at you during the weekend. All these little things accumulated and probably why I would get irritated at you easily. Sorry about that! My feelings started badly towards you when you sat at the pub and expected me to pick you up. I had arranged for to pick 3 of you girls up at the station at a certain time, but its like you wanted special treatment. I was already stressed from work & was nearly at place when told me you werent with them, so I had to turn back. During the weekend, I find you to be kind of lazy that you wouldn't do things unless asked or suggested by others. You kind of sit and watch others, like when we were unpacking groceries. Eg. When preparing to leave, we were nearly constantly moving, putting other ppl's stuff in the cars & checking whole house while you sat in the same chair for awhile. People had turns making tea/coffee for others, & you are mostly the first to make an order. Sorry again for the delay! I wasnt trying to avoid replying. I had night shifts last week so havent been able to get your sisters clothes drycleaned. Please tell her I will get it done by end of this week! Btw, i made another bday event but didnt invite you & the girls cos its with the other ppl I havent celebrated with. Hope you have a good weekend. --

I had no idea her problem was with me.

I never got any indication and was completely unaware the whole time. This was my reply:

Hey babe, gosh I'm so sorry I had no idea I had done so many things wrongly. I waited at the pub because I specifically didn't want to bother anyone. Regardless, I appreciate you telling me these things. I've never gone away with girls before so I really just wanted to stay out of everyone's hair. You all have some sort of group dynamic and I just didn't want to mess with that. Some of your complaints come as a side effect of not wanting to get in anyone's way. In any case, I'm not a very good caretaker and I don't usually offer to do things for people but I take direction - I preferred that I was told what to do as opposed to 'offering' which doesn't come naturally to me. I don't have a lot of close female friends so I've never learnt. Anyhow, I never meant to offend anyone so please give and the others my sincerest apologies for any wrong-doing on my part. It was never meant. Please tell me what's bothering you in future so I can fix it there and then. That way, you can still have a nice weekend and not have to continue being annoyed while I have no clue why. Again, I'm really sorry if this affected your weekend away. You deserved to have a great last birthday before you go and I feel awful that I ruined it in some way. Xxoo Her response was pretty standard: Don't worry I still had a wonderful weekend away. I'll try to let you know if I have any problems asap and you do the same with me too. Love you! We shared pleasantries and left it at that. I was bewildered that all this was going on. And hurt. I genuinely thought this best friend would just tell me if anything was wrong and it would have literally be a 30 second conversation to discuss her and everyone’s needs. I would never have agreed to go on the getaway otherwise. I didn’t get the memo that I was supposed to be everyone’s mind reader. Maybe there’s standard protocol in close living situations that I had never been told about. I have never been in these situations. Regardless, it left a bad taste in my mouth. I thought that with time, this incident would go away and everything would be back to normal with our friendship. But something had changed for me. She had a farewell party a month later. I bought her a gift to support her but I just couldn’t share a deep moment with her about leaving. I invited one of my friends to come with me so I wouldn’t have to be alone and when I hugged her goodbye, I simply said, ‘You’ll be fine. You’ll have a great time’. And left.

It was sad but real to me.

About a year later, she contacted me after she got back to Sydney and had already been there for a couple of weeks. I agreed to meet her but I wasn’t an idiot. I could see she felt similar to what I felt. We were not close anymore but we were going to meet because well, how does one say no. We kind of skirted around ‘schedule conflicts’ until I realised I needed to just be straight up with her. This is what I wrote when I couldn’t sleep one night:

Hey babe, we've been friends for a very long time and I feel like I owe it to us to be completely honest. Ever since the last year’s weekend with the girls, I have felt like perhaps you and I have become very different people. I feel like in that weekend, you had expectations from me that you didn't voice which we have already talked about so that's fine. What I find really hurtful however and can't seem to reconcile is the fact that I feel it's likely you talked about me (i.e. bitched) to the other girls whilst I went about the weekend genuinely having no idea your passive aggressiveness had anything to do with me. And to find out about it the way I did was frankly hurtful and made me like I was in high school. I genuinely thought we had a better friendship than that. I have spent most of my adult life choosing friends who know what I'm about. I am and always will be selfish, however I am always considerate and open to do whatever is asked/expected of me. To be in a situation where I'm around your friends trying to fit in the best I could, trying to stay out of everyone's way and to realise that everyone else most likely knew something I didn't and to realise furthermore that the cause of that is someone I consider a best friend who couldn't be honest, upfront and treat me with respect, well I felt stupid - so much so that I had to reassess the friendship. I know you're not stupid. I know you can feel that I couldn't really be there for you in your farewell and haven't made any effort to connect whilst you were gone. This is probably also the reason you didn't contact me until right before you were leaving. I know there is a huge disconnect between us. This is me being as honest as I possibly can with you as again, I feel like our friendship deserves that. I'm not in the right place to try to reconnect right now. I know it's silly to be hurt by this and everything I'm saying is merely my perception of the events that happened. It's also likely that this is a major pain point for me which is probably a major reason why I don't have many girlfriends. I just hope you're having a great time over in the and getting everything you wanted out of the experience. I will be travelling to the next year and we can try catching up then. I wish you all the best. x Her response was very telling to me:

Hi, Sorry for the delay in replying to you. I only had a few days left in after you sent your previous message so I used it to spend time with my family and friends. Once I got back, I was busy with my new contract that I forgot to reply. I don’t recall if I did talk about being annoyed at you to the other girls during that weekend. But I vividly recollect the intervention we were doing on who was having problems of a more serious nature. To be honest, I don’t think it’s a problem even if I had discussed about you to them. They are my friends and I don’t see why it would be wrong. Plus, it’s not like my friends mistreated you in anyway. Talking about one person to another does not stop in high school, it happens throughout life. Discussing about people is one form of release and a way of obtaining a new perspective. I doubt you haven't talked about me too. People constantly change over the years as they are shaped by their experiences and so, they inevitably become altered people. I have always known we are different from each other from the very beginning, but didn’t see it as anything unfavourable. Our differences have made several people question our friendship over the years, but I defended it. One of my friendships was even briefly soured as they heavily questioned it. I did say that I would try to let you know asap if I had problems with you. But I guess you don’t respect our friendship enough to try to reconnect over a small event, even though it’s been more than a year. You would rather wait for at least 2 years to pass, and potentially in a different country. As you didn't bother to catch up, you are not informed of my current plans for next year to know where I will be. I am disappointed that you can easily discard our friendship over something so small, and it wasn't even an accumulation of events. I've had more serious problems with other people where both parties have gotten over it easier and quicker. I guess Im like the Seema and Anita in your life at the moment. I hope you find peace in your life that you don't hold hostilities over petty things for so long. Good luck with everything. Here’s what I heard: She did not think there was anything wrong with talking behind my back to her other friends. (This is a HUGE deal to me probably due to the ill treatment I received by my friends with I was 15). Her friends did mistreat me behind my back. I know this from her original comment where she says 'I remember at place when she asked what drinks we wanted, & I offered to help her make it. As we walked with her to the kitchen, she said that she wasn't a waitress. In my world, that is direct disrespect in my world. She behaved as though I should be grateful that she defended me to her other ‘friends’ - no doubt overly religious people who I’ve never directly spoken to. She exhibited no understanding or attempt to try to understand why this was so important to me. Conversely, she made it sound like my problem was tiny and that I should just ‘get over it’. Even if I could get over it, I would never trust her to have my back. She could become passive aggressive at any point, talk about me to friends I barely know and she didn’t see anything wrong with that. I was so incredibly offended by her reply that I didn’t wish to dignify it with a response. So I didn’t. It was clear to me that this friendship was over.

I had lost my best friend but she was right about one thing..

Because of the extreme pain I felt losing my girl-friends at 15, I realised I was too harsh on my friendships. I cut people out of my life in a moment and never look back. I could be cruel if I wanted and I never let people in fully. I knew I had to learn to be more tolerant of people’s mistakes and work harder to reconcile and understand. Over time after working on this, I have reconnected with old friendships I left behind. Some of these friendships have now become amazing. And I’m definitely grateful this experience has taught me this. So I thank her for that. But I have not lowered my expectations for what I want in my friendships. I have a handful of friends that mean a great deal to me and I offer them my loyalty and trust in return for theirs. And that's all I need.

Can we be friends again after losing each other?

I did make an effort once. About 1.5 years later, I shared a memory on Facebook with her and said ‘Hope you’re doing well’. I received no reply. I guess she decided there’s no room for me. I get it. I personally think there’s plenty of scope for us to be civil again. In order to be best friends however, I think I would need for her to understand why her talking behind my back was so hurtful to me. I would also need to trust that she has my back and that she would tell me if something was wrong. I don’t have bandwidth to try to mind read what people want. Besides, she behaved like she didn’t know me at all. In all honesty, I think this incident made us both realise how different we really are. I don’t see us being close friends again, though I have enough respect for the 10 year relationship to be open minded. Honestly it makes me sad to think about still. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll realise how silly this whole thing was. I’m okay with that being a possibility.

What I want from my friendships

After this whole debacle, I started thinking about what I need from a platonic friendship. 1. To have someone who understands me The best part of a platonic friendship is being understood by someone close to you. To be cared about in a safe way. Where anything and everything can be discussed and support is readily available. The friendship falls apart when both parties grow in different directions and understanding is difficult For example: - One is becoming more religious and the other moving away from religion. - One is going through the hardship of raising a family and the other is enjoying partying and being single - One is going to college and other is working as a valet You start having less in common as you grow older. 2. To have someone always on your side A great friendship is like a marriage. You know that person always has your back - regardless of how stupid you can be sometimes. They foster trust in the relationship and keep validating your role in their life as being super important. The friendship falls apart when one person doesn’t put the other in the respectful priority position - I have a party at my house and they’ll ‘see if they can make it’ aka ‘I’ll be there unless there’s a better offer. - They are also friends with someone you dated as well and don’t immediately take your side. 3. To challenge you to be better without alterior motives The best friendships grow together. They actively help one another to be more successful and confident. They want you to succeed and they’ll do everything in their power to make it happen. They’re one of your loudest cheerleaders. The friendship falls apart when you have nothing to gain from the friendship. In fact, sometimes the relationship hurts you - They don’t tell you the truth about a situation. They don’t point out what they see about you so you can learn to be better. - They want you to feel insecure (often subconsciously). They compete with you. They make you feel undesirable by laughing at your imperfections. They talk about you to other people. You constantly feel insecure about the relationship. # Having thought about this has made me incredibly grateful for the friendships I do have. And I now understand which friendships I need to keep in my life.

What do you think about me losing my friend?

Am I being unreasonable and unjustly harsh. Do you understand why I took these steps and why I cannot see a friendship in the future? Leave a comment and let me know! "I'm a custom quote Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Duis leo fringilla mauris sit amet nibh" I'm a standard Image Caption. Photograph by Lorem Ipsum via Unsplash Want new articles before they get published? Subscribe to our Awesome Newsletter. ADVERTISING Nailing It On The Head With Free Internet Advertising MOTIVATION Believing Is The Absence Of Doubt TRAVEL Big Savings On Gas While You Travel About Dee Nand I’m a commitment-phobe that has been in a relationship for >8 years. I travel the world permanently yet I desperately seek stability and order. I love understanding manipulation & power & hate people who can’t be real & true to themselves. I go from doing impressive things to burning out, in bed feeling completely inadequate. I’m solving me. Learn more about Dee

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