#but i definitely understand how hard it can be sometimes for all of you.

[thatdisasterauthor]

I do indeed have much I can say on all of this! I don’t have time for a full breakdown, but let’s hit some key points.

🌪The Milton evacuation and changing the direction highways.

This is called “contraflow” and it is indeed a thing that is frequently used in evacuations. However, from what I understand, Florida might have laws against this? At least that’s what I’ve heard, or maybe just laws that do indeed make it very difficult. I haven’t had a chance to look into it too closely. And it is a tricky thing to do safely just off the cuff without a known procedure in place, which you wouldn’t have if it’s against the law in your area. You’ve gotta shut down all the exits/entrances accordingly so you don’t have issues with head-on traffic, you’ve gotta make sure you have effective alternate routes for emergency traffic, you’ve gotta have a space to reintegrate traffic into the proper lanes once the contraflow segment has ended, etc. etc.

You’re right that this isn’t a police problem, it’s a LAW problem. Maybe also a police problem in the sense of what trainings are available to them, what procedures they have in these situations, etc., but not an ACAB style police problem. Plenty of places DO use it, like I said. (Also, sometimes you’ll get spontaneous contraflow, where people just start doing on their own, but that’s a whole different can of worms.)

🚗 Over dependence on cars.

America is indeed super car dependent, but that’s not exactly the issue here, at least not in the way you’d think. First off, evacuations are just HARD. That’s a lot of people to move. Even if you took every large transport vehicle in a given area (so all the buses of any sort, any trains, any planes), you’re not going to get the entire population moved out in a timely manner, even if every seat is taken. It just isn’t feasible for so many reasons. People DO need to be able to evacuate via car. It’s also very dependent on the disaster in question. An evacuation for a hurricane is very different than most other evacuations due to the amount of time you, usually, have.

Now, one thing that happens and causes problems during evacuations is that people take ALL their cars instead of just one. Mom takes one car with the kids and as much stuff as possible stuffed in the back, and Dad takes his truck with the dogs and the bed piled high. A lot of evacuation planning doesn’t account for this. They see a four person family and think, “ah yes, the family sedan has six seats, they’ll just take that and go, we don’t need to plan for them to put both their cars on the road and at all the gas stations along the way.” But then they do take both cars, and so does every other family on the road, and suddenly you’ve got a shit ton more cars doing something that you expected a lot less cars to be doing. I have a lot more thoughts on this I can share later, if people are interested, but for now we shall move on.

(There’s also definitely an element of poor city planning and infrastructure in some places, but that’s very much a case by case thing.)

👩🏻‍🚒 We need a better emergency management system.

Yes! Though, actually, we already have a pretty good one as compared to other countries. Not great, by any means, but something like FEMA is pretty rare. Most countries just kind of ad hoc disaster response on a case by case basis, which is also what we did until we created FEMA in the 70s.

I have A LOT of thoughts about how we could improve the system as it currently stands, which is a big part of why I want to do a PhD in emergency management.

🔥 When to evacuate.

You mentioned this in relation to the Camp Fire, and that one is…yeah, that one was so bad. There’s a lot that goes into making evacuation decisions, and unfortunately studies have shown that a lot of emergency officials still believe the myth that people will panic if you give them too much information about a disaster. This leads to delays in evacuations, among other things. Also, evacuations are expensive, and that makes officials hold back. Plus, there’s the “cried wolf” effect where if it turns out the evacuation WASN’T needed, the next time it IS needed, people will be less likely to go, which again makes officials hold back.

With the Camp Fire, though, I don’t know if any of that specifically was what was at play. That thing just moved FAST. Also, this was a small mountain town. There were not a lot of ways out, just thin mountain roads. I guarantee those officials who made the evacuation call hesitated because they knew people WOULD get stuck on the few potential roads to safety. They weren’t making a choice about evacuation, they were making a choice on where they wanted people to be when the fire DID hit. Because it was going to hit. So do they concentrate people all in one spot, on a road that itself won’t burn but will be completely surrounded, or do they keep people spaced out all over town hoping that pockets of it might be safe? And they had to make that decision at the drop of a hat, knowing people were likely to die either way.

Fires are, in my opinion, the most terrifying thing to have to manage an evacuation for. They are both incredibly quick, but also potentially long lasting. They can shift direction at a moment’s notice. They can do things you never knew they could do. They can consume absolutely massive areas. They can die down and pop back up when you least expect it. And to be the person making the decision on how to handle that must be a very, very heavy weight.

👋🏻 People in positions of power just waving their hands.

Some do, some don’t. There are so, so many amazing people out there who care about this stuff and are doing their best to address these issues. But they need support. Taking over the department of transportation isn’t the answer, your local emergency management department is. Check out what their emergency plans look like, they should be on your county and state websites. Read through them, find the holes, go to meetings, contact your representatives. Be a nuisance to Congress RIGHT NOW.

🎓 Disaster education

Lastly, to @kyraneko’s point about needing better disaster education, yes! Yes we do! I think one of FEMA’s weakest points is its lack of addressing and helping individuals directly prior to a disaster, rather than in large groups. I’m working on it. Got a big project in the works that will, hopefully, start addressing this issue. And that’s not including the PhD.

Sooooooo….yeah! :D That ended up a lot longer than I thought, lol. Hope some of it was interesting to those of you who have made it to the end.

So I have a friend from high school who is a cop. (Yes, I KNOW.) I shared a photo on Facebook of a packed highway of people attempting to evacuate from Hurricane Milton, all while the lanes going in the opposite direction were open and empty. And my Facebook post was basically me screaming, “Open the other side of the highway and reverse it so that people can GET OUT.”

His response was essentially, “Yeah, that is *really* difficult for us to do.” Not in a condescending way, because he genuinely isn’t a huge asshole. (Yes, I KNOW.)

And then I may have vented in my response, in which I tried not to imply that the police were a problem. Because to be honest, I don’t see this as a police problem. I see this as how we have fucked ourselves as a nation by making ourselves so dependent on cars.

There is that poll on this site – or multiple polls, at this point – asking how long people can tolerate being in their cars. And the thing is, Americans (and Canadians as well, I am imagining) have almost no other options. We have to be used to spending a good 12 hours in a car without breaking a sweat. Everything in this country is built around being in a car. There’s a reason when you ask us how far away a place is from somewhere else, we normally give that distance in hours and not miles.

Air travel sucks. It sucks for a multitude of reasons – cost, the hassle of dealing with security, the time suck, etc. – and in an emergency, only a select few are going to be able to use it to get away from a hurricane. And that’s one of the few disasters where air travel is an optional escape.

Train travel sucks. Amtrak is not something you’re gonna be complaining about if you’re trying to get away from whatever disaster you need to evacuate from. But next to so many other countries, Amtrak looks like we’ve been receiving other countries’s leftover railway systems from the 70s. It also doesn’t go everywhere. I live in northeastern Pennsylvania near Scranton, which prides itself on its history in the train industry. We have a museum and everything. We have multiple things named after that museum, including the Steamtown marathon which is happening tomorrow.

Can you get on a passenger train in Scranton? Nope.

(The main argument against this always seems to be that people will come here from New York City and commit crimes, which is hilarious considering if somebody wanted to come here from New York City and commit crimes it’s only a 2.5-hour drive.)

Anyway, disasters.

If the only option you’re gonna give most people to get out of areas of Florida that are being targeted by hurricanes or areas of California that suffer from wildfires or places in the Midwest that face flooding are cars, then we need a better fucking emergency management system regarding transportation in this country. You can’t just sit there and mock people for not evacuating because they can’t or won’t when getting away from Milton meant sitting on highway for hours with absolutely no gas stations whatsoever nearby having any gas at all. (It just makes me think of those photos of people stranded on the highway in their cars in blizzards where people are like, “Now imagine imagine how bad it would be if all of those cars were electric!“ Well, all of those cars in that photo in that blizzard run on gas and they’re fucking stranded, sooooooo.)

Look, we can change the transportation system in this country. we did it before and we can do it again. We used to have more train options, fewer highways. My small hometown had a fucking trolley in the 40s. Now, if you don’t have a car here, you’re stuck. You can’t even get Uber here. if a wildfire started here and surrounded the town, it would be a clusterfuck.

Regardless of how you feel about the police, if police and fire departments in this country cannot organize an evacuation on a highway in a way that will reduce the backup so that tens of thousands of people aren’t sitting in their cars when a hurricane hits, that’s a problem – not just for those people, but for the police, and the fire department, and emergency management in general.

The people in charge of emergency management are just people, just human. I’m researching the Camp Fire in 2018 right now, and you had a bunch of people calling 911 saying, “I can see a huge fire off to the east. Are we safe? Should we evacuate?” The 911 operators could only work off the information they had. They could have told people to evacuate earlier, but Cal Fire didn’t anticipate the strength of the fire. Which is understandable. Nobody could anticipate the strength of that fire. But the 911 operators were sitting in an office with no windows, and they had no idea what was going on the east. They couldn’t look out and see exactly what was happening. If they could have, they probably would have told people to leave as soon as possible much sooner than they were told to. Instead, they waited for official confirmation, and when they did start telling people to evacuate, traffic managed to back up in a small town of 25,000 people until many of them were trapped in an unimaginable hellscape.

When people need to evacuate from a disaster, and they stay instead, far too many people - including those in positions of power – just kind of wave their hands and say, “Well, we tried.” No, we didn’t. This country made not trying its watchword, and now we’re at a point where unless you own a car, which is a luxury a lot of people cannot afford in this economy, escaping from disaster is impossible. So you can get in your car or somebody else’s car and go sit on a highway and hope your gas doesn’t run out, since none of the gas stations for 100 miles have any gas to give you, or you can stay in your house and hope you don’t die.

Sometimes, I really wish somebody would make me the head of the department of transportation. I would demand an absurd amount of money to build a better train system, to provide better transportation options for smaller towns, to provide extensive training for rescue personnel in managing evacuations like the clusterfuck in Florida this week. I would become an absolute fucking nuisance to Congress. I would be asking for money left and right to make it so that our only options as Americans weren’t to get into cars we can barely afford these days and attempt to organize our own evacuations from the growing number of natural disasters in this country.

Y’all keep posting these polls about how long you can tolerate being in a car at the same time that tens of thousands of Floridians were sitting on highways trying to get away from Tampa so they wouldn’t die in a hurricane.

We can tolerate being in a car all goddamn day. It’s because we don’t have a fucking choice, even when it’s life or death.

[famoussharkhairdoknight]

NSFW ALPHABET- Pope Heyward

Wearing: +18,smut, English is not my first language

a = aftercare (how they feel after sex):

would definitely be extremely attentive and kind after sex. Constantly ask if it hurts you and check your body. He’s afraid of hurting you because he has a bigger dick than the average.

He is ready to take care of you right after having sex. She cleans you by kissing you tenderly and telling you how good you felt; she always asks if you have cramps of penetration and if you do so she makes you a nice warm compress to put on. He keeps you safe and cuddly, giving you sweet cheeks on your forehead to make you feel safe.

b=favorite body part (favorite part of your body and his):

He loves every part of your body, he loves your smile that can calm him when he is nervous.

He loves your ass very much, is obsessed. He can’t stop slapping and squeezing him... loves to kiss and bite him and the sight of your ass all red from his slaps makes him crazy...

His favorite part of his body is his beautiful muscular physique and he loves when you look at his muscles without shame, he knows well that this thing makes you wet; and above all he is very proud of what he carries between his legs (his friends always tease him saying he has a third leg because it’s bigger)

He loves it when you are impressed every time you see him naked (no matter how many times you have seen him like this) and when he fights to get his dick... he gets crazy.

c = cum (anything to do with sperm):

he sure loves cumming inside you. for him there is nothing better than finishing inside you and seeing his sperm drip out; he would never admit it out loud, but the idea of ​​cumming inside you excited him even more

d = dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, one of their dirty secrets):

It gets even harder when you suck his dick

I= intimacy (what is it like right now? the romantic aspect):

It has two faces, so it will depend a lot on the occasion and his mood. There will be days when it will be harder, but there will also be days when it will be tender and say sweet words and sweet kisses that make your heart beat faster.

k = node (one or more of its nodes):

• Praise Kink: That man loves to receive compliments but also loves to give them; he just loves saying nice things for you and letting you know how good you are doing. He also likes it when you compliment him, when you let him know how good it makes you feel or how great he feels or even how beautiful he is, he drives him crazy.

•Blowjob Kink: he loves it when you suck his cock so well and try to take it all even if he can’t. He loves it when you play with his balls and you stoke around his dick

L-Location (favorite places to do the activity):

At first it seemed shy but actually it’s not: your first time was on the beach.

He loves to fuck you anywhere and he loves to tease you in public

m= motivation (what excites them, keeps them going):

Just seeing you makes him hard

n = no (something he wouldn't do):

certainly nothing that can hurt you; also, he doesn't like sharing you with anyone (no matter who it is) you are his and just thinking about another man touching you would make him very jealous and angry

o-oral (preference in giving or receiving skills, etc.):

Pope is a huge pussy eater and would definitely make you fall apart with those gorgeous lips but he also likes to get a good blowjob, he can't get over the image of your lips wrapped around his cock as you struggle to take it all and sometimes you choke because it's too long and thick for your mouth but you love taking it and he loves it really fuck your mouth.

r =risk (are they willing to experiment? do they take risks? etc.):

The idea of ​​someone catching you excites him especially because he loves to mark his territory on you to make others understand even more that you are his and no one can have you.

s= stamina (how many rounds can they last? how long do they last?):

he could continue all day... he is like a sex machine.

u = unfair (how much he likes to tease):

he is a tease, he would definitely tease you by blushing around him or being extremely wet and needy for him.

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.):

he really loves to be vocal: he will definitely moan and grunt while murmuring dirty things to you and praising how you take his cock

x = x-ray (let's see what happens under those clothes):

his cock is very big and long. And trust me that cock will take away your ability to walk and make you feel very good.

d=desire (how high is their sexual desire?):

he is literally never satisfied. He always wants more from you. He’d be offended if you gave him a blow job while he was studying or when you were on the boat.

He like fuck you with a sensual music

[noellefan101]

Silent Living

Characters: Noelle, Kinich, Lynette, Beidou, Diluc x mute GN!reader

Summary: You're mute, and cant talk? not a problem for your partner, they can find other ways to communicate, and honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

Warnings: mute reader, most of them dont know sign language but there are people where i think they would either have learned it already or will learn it for you, gn reader as always

Note: hehe its kinda hard to write for Noelle tbh, i just can't see her romantically if that makes sense, its like a platonic obsession i have for her. but i chose to write for some girlies bc i felt like it, luv you :P

Noelle

She's a sweetheart and i fully believe she would try to learn sign language the day you meet for the first time. but for the sake of the cute gestures lets pretend she barely knows any words in it, or that you arent the best yourself despite probably needing it heh.

(she would teach you some if so, or learn with you)

In a classic Noelle fashion, she does literally anything for you, though people would normally just have to speak her name, you can't. so she always keeps an extra eye on you to ensure she's there when you need her help. that may be a given, but its truly what shes best at doing.

Loves writing little notes for you, whether its just so you can remember something or if its to invite you anywhere, she loves it. and she has definitely not been carrying pen and paper with her for weeks so you could write notes for each other, no no.

I dont imagine her being the best with words, but is always very good at comforting. so if you need some reassurance or just comfort you can come to her. and you can let her know to be silent by putting a finger over her mouth if you like the silence more. she wont be offended don't worry.

Kinich

Not very good with words and likes silence when possible, so it's very common for you to sit in silence doing an activity together. he's best with actions at least, both giving and receiving, so just doing a tiny chore for him would mean more than words could.

Though it may be difficult to do anything for each other since he's quite busy, and so could you be. but he always has time to sit with you for at least 30 minutes a day and just spend quality time together.

if you ever need anything from him, he has a notebook on him at all times that you're free to write in. Although Ajaw has made a fuss about it being annoying to wait for you, but he'll shut up if Kinich locks him up.

Lynette

She loves the silence you bring. being around her brother all the time can get annoying, no matter how much she loves him, so a quiet tea time with you is often just what she needs. she knows you can feel out of place or left out even since you cant communicate as easily with her siblings. but she is always ready to talk for you.

No matter how much she hates public speaking, and how often she gets her brother to speak for her, she'll speak for you. if there's anything you'd like to say, just write it down and show it to her. she might even know what you wanted to say, by how you stand and how your muscles move. so she will sometimes speak for you before you even get to start writing it down.

She has made sure you're a part of the conversation, not just there and looking around. she might have some knowledge about sign language, but she knows many do not and makes sure everyone understands you.

(she might even ask father if they can get classes in sign language, or at least the siblings of hers that you interact with most often)

Beidou

Maybe not the best at silent communication, but she tries her very best. if she doesnt know sign language she'll learn it, mostly because she feels it would make you more comfortable, but its also something that she may find interesting.

She is very good at dealing with different kinds of people though, so expect yourself to feel right at home wherever you are on her ship. she might even have started teaching her crew how to talk with you properly, whether thats getting you something write down on or learning them a bit of sign language that im not sure of.

Unfortunately it all goes in weird directions when she's drunk, while she talks for you it might be hard to get her to pay attention enough or even speak your thoughts properly. Kazuha is your savior in this case.

Diluc

He has made sure every single maid and anyone he hires learn to speak through their hands. he might even have prepared for it before you started dating, and even some of his staff you have never met before just knows how to speak with you.

Its a given that you're going to be well treated at the dawn winery, but Diluc makes sure you feel the most at home you'll ever experience. you have at least 1 maid whos ready to tend to you in a seconds notice, whether its jsut that you need something to write on or you need to know where you lover is.

Will literally drop anything for you with just a finger on his shoulder. whatever you need, he'll do it. need a hug? no need to even gesture it he knows, someone doesnt understand you at all? he's ready to talk in your place for hours on end.

I might have written it weirdly again sry, im not mute and i just like writing, Luv Ya- Masterlist

You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts

[kkayyerr]

OBX characters taking care of Little!reader with anxiety.

Warnings: Age regression; anxiety disorder; slight dark!Rafe.

Author’s note: I’m gonna keep on writing headcanons about little!reader with mental struggles and characters reactions to that.

John B:

- He would be just as anxious as you when it came to something that scared you. His worst fear would be not being there for you at the moment, no matter if you’re regressed or not (but especially when you’re little). 

- He won’t ever blame you for your fears or your tantrums; that would happen if you got way too overwhelmed. He would just be there for you, probably trying to console you or just giving you time and space to let out your emotions. 

- John B would probably mentally note all your triggers and things that get your anxiety worse, so he and the Pogues would avoid those themes. 

- He would help you fall asleep, holding you in his arms and feeling how your heartbeat was slowing down and your breathing was not so shaky anymore. 

- He would probably also ask Sarah to share some tips with him about how to calm you down when things get really bad, because somehow she knows more about those things. 

- Sometimes he would just call her, and she would show up immediately, helping you out. 

- He would definitely learn some techniques to help you, or at least help himself stay calm because somehow your anxiety is sharing like a disease. 

- John B would work on himself to help you as much as he could, and I believe after not so long a period of time it would work. 

JJ:

- That boy knows how it might feel, trying to hide your anxiety so it won’t bother people around you, and it’s hurting him seeing your shaky hands and teary eyes.

- He would make sure that you'd understand that you didn’t have to hide your true feelings and emotions, at least not around him. 

- Whenever he would see you getting at least a little bit anxious, he would immediately stop what he was doing and go take care of you, no matter if you wanted him to see you in that state or not. 

- He doesn’t know how to deal with his anxiety, but he would make sure to learn how to help you deal with yours, even if that would increase his own struggles. 

- Even though the boy is poor, he would still buy you everything that he thought might help you. Stuffies, pacifiers, coloring books, etc. He would buy absolutely anything just to make sure his little girl was happy and calm. 

- He would deal with your tears and tantrums, just staying there and letting you yell, cry, and throw toys at him. It’s not like a little teddy bear is going to hurt him. 

- No matter how bad he’s feeling, he would be there, trying to help or at least communicate to see what’s wrong and what exactly he could do to help you relax. 

- For you, he would turn into a big teddy bear that you can hug and cuddle whenever you feel like it. 

- He would always remind you that no matter what, he’s there for you. And he won’t ever break his words.

Rafe:

- It would be hard for Rafe to understand why exactly you’re getting so anxious sometimes, and maybe he would even blame himself for not being there for you enough. 

- But when you finally explain your struggles to him, he’ll understand. Maybe he’s not the best at dealing with mental issues, but for you, he would try. 

- The hardest part for him is to control his temper. It would take time, but he would learn how to not raise his voice around you after a couple of times when he would have to spoil you the whole day after a small yelling. 

- He would buy anything, ANYTHING, to help you with your anxiety. No matter what that is, if that thing is helping you, then it’s going to be bought. 

- Sometimes, when the panic attack would get bad, he would go as far as giving you drugs, calling it „medicine.“. He would make sure it’s the most safe ones, though. 

- He would gently slap your mouth every time you would apologize to him, when there’s nothing to apologize for. And of course you would also apologize after the slap too. 

- If someone had triggered you or just talked to you in the wrong way, they’re dead. Like actually dead. 

- He would also learn not to tease you too much, just so you won’t fill your pretty little head with some stupid thoughts and insecurities. 

- Even though his business is very established, Rafe would make sure to always, and I mean ALWAYS answer your calls. No matter if that’s a serious one or you just want to hear his voice and tell him about the drama between your stuffies. 

- Rafe would protect his little one at all costs, even if that meant crossing the lines sometimes. 

Pope:

- He would learn how to treat you right sooo fast. 

- No matter what had happened, Pope would know what exactly you needed to hear in that situation or how to help you regulate your emotions. 

- He would almost immediately recognize when you’re feeling anxious, and he would try his best to make those episodes easier for you, even if your fears might sound „stupid.”.

- He would be very good at communication. If you need to talk with him about something that’s bothering you for an hour, then he would sit there and listen to you for an hour. 

- Probably he would be the only one who knows how to console you when you throw tantrums, just holding you in his arms or constantly repeating that your feelings are valid and it’s okay to cry. 

- It would work, and a couple of minutes later you would be sitting on his lap or maybe even sleeping, hiding your puffy face in his neck. 

- The one tug on his clothes would be enough for him to understand that you need his attention right now, and it would immediately become his number one priority. 

- Honestly, he would be the best at taking care of his little one, no matter what they’re struggling with. 

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

I agree with you on a lot of points here. The RWS narrative does Gordon dirty in some ways, and I don't think he's being rude or mean every time he's painted as such (although sometimes he really is and I don't want to minimize that).

And Gordon definitely comes to see himself as a protector or sort of alpha leader to the rest. I don't think he fulfills that role as quite well as he thinks he does, but he does frequently make the effort and his willingness to see himself as part of the group (even if it must be as the leader) is a definite and huge improvement from his initial role as a not-really-malicious but as a hilariously egotistical engine who had not one thought rattling in his smokebox except "meee! meeeeee! MEEEEEEE!" So, growth. I respect it.

"[W]hen big things happen, especially to "his people" and they are no longer in a position where he can look out for them, he feels irritated and upset" <- I think this is very rosy, probably gives him too much credit! He doesn't like being separated from "his people" because they are his friends and he feels bereft when they're gone. He seems to have a hard time expressing that, normally finds some excuse that (as you say) allows him to claim irritation instead of vulnerability. (He doesn't miss Thomas, he's overworked. He isn't overwhelmed and homesick and just doesn't wanna, it's that the trucks are uncouth and the job is impossible. He isn't hurt that Henry now has a different shape and they can't be mistaken for each other anymore, he's irritated that Henry is so noisy.) But even Gordon himself has never tried to excuse his vulnerability as concern for his friends' safety or well-being! His reaction to loss and change is totally human and understandable, but not noble. He just needs the support of familiar faces and his usual routine as much as anyone, indeed more than most. Gordon's a bit high-maintenance.

We can only guess on Annie and Clarabel's respect for him. I have a feeling it's simply because Gordon's at the top of the railway hierarchy and that's what they respect. They don't share Thomas's gadfly delight in thumbing his nose at that hierarchy, his shining confidence that he's worth infinitely more than "his place." I don't think Annie and Clarabel, as branch line coaches, necessarily know much of Gordon's character; they're just nice conventional old ladies.

I agree with you that I don't think "Hullo, fatface!" would have got lodged quite so deep in Gordon's smokebox if it hadn't come from Henry! It is kinda fascinating. Like, Gordon doesn't normally overreact to insults or teasing. He ignores it if he thinks it's beneath his notice (like the first howevermany times Thomas called him "lazybones" and ruined his nap, lol!) and if it merits a reaction he plans a very targeted punishment to get his own back (dragging Thomas on the Express, blocking Duck from the points to the shed the way he did to the big engines, etc.) But yes, Henry says that and he starts to immediately stew and spiral. I once wrote a post that included an analysis of how Gordon seems to regard most engines (including James) as "little" - he can patronize and condescend to them. One exception is Henry (the other is Edward). Which is all just to say... yeah, it's very interesting. Henry really pushes his buttons there - but Gordon lets him. He doesn't start thinking up a plan to punish Henry and put him in his place. Best he can do is retreat to self-aggrandizement, lol.

Oh, Gordon... I think he is a great representation of how the word "condescending" has changed in connotation over the course of the 20th century 😉 He clearly is of the old-school upper-crust view that condescension is a virtue!

Forever and Ever... Even in the 1920s-1960s

Started going down a long digression in the 2+4 essay. Gonna follow this breadcrumb trail over here instead...

One of my arguments is that Gordon actually behaves well and graciously way more often than he is usually given credit for (and starts doing this way earlier than often credited, too).

Along the way, I realized that his spots of bad behavior are not random. When he starts acting all Ass, it's almost always in the period of some sort of major change in his life:

The Three Railway Engines - *waves hand vaguely* all of it -> he's just transferred from the GNR to Sodor

Troublesome Engines - *waves hand again* y'know, all of it -> Thomas moved away :(

Henry the Green Engine - harrumphing about how Henry has let the side down in like three different ways directly after Henry's major reconstructive surgery -> the horrible wreck where Henry, his best friend, could have died, and instead was in hospital the rest of the damn winter

Gordon the Big Engine - "Mind you keep on the rails today!" and then, when he gets pushback, retreating to old friend "boasting" -> is he mother-henning Henry?? he's explicitly referencing the Kipper accident! I would not be too shocked to learn that Gordon gets twinges of unease that he never examines every so often whenever he sees Henry with a train

Percy the Small Engine - "Quack quack quack!" and trying to bully Duck (lol. lmao, even) -> Percy is gonna move away :(

Main Line Engines - getting on his high horse about "Branch Line Diesels" and then getting into a huge spat with Edward that results a brand-new beat-down of a dead horse named "Edward is Weak and Useless" -> We learn in "Wrong Road" that his fireman is new. Presumably his old fireman advanced to fill the role, leaving the vacancy... which means that Gordon recently lost his old driver to retirement.

You might be thinking "well yeah, stressors are stressful, most people's outbreaks of bad behavior have to do with some sort of Big Life Thing" - I certainly thought so, for a mo'. But this isn't true of the other major characters? James's worst behavior in the Wilbert books comes when he is slightly delayed sometimes during his work day and when Toby just, erm… exists. Thomas's worst behavior is because he… doesn't like his snowplough, and has a careless cleaner.

No, only Gordon's poor behavior can so consistently be linked to big changes. Indeed, not many RWS characters have been seen with quite as much of an interior life as we learn Gordon has in "Tenders for Henry." By that point, Gordon has matured enough that he doesn't express his feelings in this emotionally-stupid make-it-everyone's-problem sort of way. But we can see clearly that the end of steam seems to affect him more deeply than anyone else at Tidmouth.

So yeah, I think there's something real and insightful in the above pattern. Once again, my friends - Galloping Sausage with Feelings.

[xxlelaxx]

I don't think my husband understands that there is a big difference between the kind of sleep I've been getting and the kind of sleep he's been getting. It's starting to make me very angry

[purpldawne]

for an akifuyu stan i sure do struggle to draw autumn and winter troupe

[lnkedmyheart]

I mean I am one of the few people who genuinely did not care for Keith Allura endgame at some point past season 2. As cute as I found them in the pod escape moment I don't really see the chemistry or any kind of grounds to truly connect on for them past the tangential ones and Keith is too fixated on Shiro for the first couple of seasons. I genuinely loved the Allura Lance development in later seasons with Lance growing into a better person and genuinely falling in love with her. I also feel like historically Allura and Keith have had a very slapped together relationship in 2 of the 3 previous iterations (I greatly prefered Lance and Allura in the og one because i genuinely dislike the celibate hero who never shows interest in the girl vs the girl loves the guy but they still end up together trope).

I did however enjoy the shallura and sheith dynamic as well and I feel shallura could have been a decent path to go down at some point but hey, I'm not gonna complain about my baby boy being queer rep. It's time we get non stereotypical rep for gay men.

I agree the whiney Keith part of the fandom is odd but I have arguably not seen enough of that in fanfics in general. I think I learnt to avoid those kind of fics early on since a lot of people who write those are generally younger people who project onto specific characters and you can usually tell within a couple paragraphs if it's that kind of fic. Most of the content I have read has been pretty in character for the most part. I also moved in Shiro lover circles so...

I would argue that Keith suggesting leaving Allura behind is harsh but also not...wrong. Not in the sense that they should have left her but Keith is capable of making difficult choices unless he himself is compromised (aka struggling with Shiro's loss). Even Allura agreed that they should have left her behind. Shiro is for all his groundedness, an idealist. He wants to protect everyone, even at the risk of making things worse for himself. Shiro the hero is right, he is your main heroic archetype, always save the people, always fight for justice, against all odds. Keith leans more realistic in that you make hard morally ambiguous choices in war and it's not like Keith has much of an understanding of war/this specific conflict like Shiro and Allura do. But yes, Keith is single minded and prone to rash decisions, he's definitely not as bad as that. For one Pidge absolutely deserved a chewing out for trying to ditch the crew in the middle of a war and Keith was right, everyone barring Lance and Hunk was dealing with some kind of loss. Mind you, at this point they did not know that the Lions would even pick another Paladin. Shiro imo was being way too lenient and probably still dealing with the guilt of having left the Holts behind and being saved instead. I do dislike the fact that Keith stopped being pragmatic and became Shiro the Hero point dos. It would have been a good comparison of how both are genuine ways of being in the middle of a war. But oh well.

I'm not really in the Keith defence squad. Lord knows I have issues with some of the Gary Stu crap that came later. But i do think sometimes we tend to expect too much from an isolated, socially inept, orphan with life long abandonment issues as he is navigating through a war in the early seasons.

I want to talk, for just minute, about the amount of self-disparagement in Shiro's statement, here. He's grievously injured, ailing, and trapped in a tiny cave with creatures lurking outside, waiting for their next opportunity to attack him.

Despite this, he's been repeatedly assuring Keith that he's "all right", and inquiring after Keith's well-being whenever he hears Keith struggling over the comms. Then, Keith expresses his belief that Shiro's presence and influence changed his life, and Shiro agrees. On the grounds that he's actively made Keith's life worse.

Keith's response to this extremely concerning assertion?

Nothing. He hears Shiro cough, tells him, "Stay with me, Shiro," and that's it.

This is an example of exactly what I mean when I say that Shiro has no support system. His best and closest friend hears him say something seriously disconcerting while in a state of utmost vulnerability, placing all of the blame for Keith's current predicament on himself, which is objectively not true, and does nothing to refute him. No, "Hey. Stop beating yourself up. We're gonna be just fine". Or, "How could this possibly be on you? Did you purposely eject us from the Castle?". Or even, "When we get out of here, we need to talk about why you feel like you don't matter and something completely out of your control is your fault. It's not like you asked to be here, either."

Maybe I'm expecting too much from a young adult with his own trauma whose interpersonal skills have already been shown to be lacking. I know I expected too much from a team of showrunners who believed that dark content automatically equals mature content, and insisted on shoving as much disturbing subject matter and questionable to outright deplorable messaging as they could manage to get away with into a series aimed at children. Shiro was never meant to heal from his trauma. The intention was to kill him to pave the way for Keith to take his place as The Chosen One.

But, in this fandom's determination to woobify their favorites to the extreme based on said favorites' moments of insecurity, they seem to have forgotten that the most blatantly traumatized member of the cast is the most blatantly traumatized member of the cast. Self-loathing and passive suicidal ideation are every bit as much a part of that as Shiro's flashbacks and the fear-induced paralysis that seizes him when a repressed memory resurfaces from the dark corners of his mind to drag him under. And, he, too, deserved all of the sensitivity, care, and love that they believe their favorites do, which makes it all the more abhorrent that he was repeatedly denied it in this show's canon.

[celesteleoves]

hcs of bakugou / todoroki being a hardcore simp for reader maybe?

“I WANNA BE YOURS.”

KATSUKI BAKUGOU/SHOTO TODOROKI x fem!reader.

summary: what the request said!

warnings: swearing (bakugou…), mentions of todoroki’s childhood (very brief), that’s it i believe!

a/n: i love this request. i hope i wrote this to your liking!

—

BAKUGOU KATSUKI —

he is a very subtle simp. you probably wouldn’t even think he liked you if you guys weren’t already dating. the way he shows his love for you is… questionable.

he does the simple things like following you around like a lost puppy (even though he swears he does NOT) .

he’ll definitely demand you never leave his side so he can always be there to protect you.

“you’re so weak, you need me to be there to protect you at all times.”

you’ll just nod, enjoying your boyfriends presence. (he’s actually geeking over you aswell and the fact you grace him with your presence).

he takes you everywhere with him and doesn’t care about what anyone says. oh, aizawa paired him up with kirishima? you’re coming with. you can’t stay a second away from him before he’s rushing around like a headless chicken looking for you.

your biggest fan by far, anything you do he’s practically on the floor worshipping you. then the next second he’ll be calling your outfit disgusting in the sweetest way possible.

he’ll also deny the fact he’s a simp for you. one time, kirishima caught the poor boy gazing at you, dare i say LOVINGLY, across the room as you did a mundane task.

kirishima has never grinned wider than he did when he noticed this. your boyfriend noticed the quiet chuckles leaving his friend and turned towards him.

“what the fuck are you laughing at?”

“you stalking y/n!”

“I WAS NOT STARING AT HER.” sure… liar. you literally just outed yourself…

bakugou loved you, even though he shows it in his weird, weird ways.

SHOTO TODOROKI —

the sweetest, sweetest boyfriend ever. literally the ideal boyfriend anyone could have SIMPLY because of how doting he is towards his partner.

he’s absolutely enamoured with you. he isn’t shameful about it either! (referencing one of my other head-canons) .

this boy will downright show his love for you.

we all know shoto has a hard time with social cues, he blames it on his childhood and the lack of social times he had – always being isolated.

that’s also the reason why he doesn’t understand why he can’t stare you down like a hawk and not expect people to be slightly worried… why is he staring at you like he wants to eat you?

cuteness aggression is a thing. you both get it when you’re with each other.

you can’t believe you managed to secure this boy. he never opened up to just anyone, yet for you he made an exception. you flew that all the time.

meanwhile your boyfriend is still in denial you two are dating. every time you bring up your realtionship he’s blushing like a maniac and shying away from you.

your classmates notice the little things. such as you placing your phone face up only for it to be face down a couple seconds later because todoroki fixed it for you knowing you don’t want people staring at every notification on your phone (this is so me guys i’m sorry).

he is very attentive, he’s such a simp. he’ll pick up on the little things. sometimes, you feel like he knows you better than you know yourself.

there was definitely one time you had been making yourself a snack in the kitchen, forgetting to get one of your favourite piece of food for the snack .

once your snack was made, you frowned at the missing piece of your food you wanted.

starting to get upset, you looked around for something to make up for this.

“here.” a soft voice spoke causing you to relax at the sound of todorokis gentle tone.

“i can’t find my-”

“y/n. here.”

you looked at your boyfriends hand, noticing he was holding multiple variations of the missing food item you craved.

your lips trembled at his thoughtfulness and you pulled your boyfriend in for a hug as he returned it with a soft smile on his face.

he’s too sweet for you and such a simp!

—

a/n: guys, bare with me if there is spelling errors. this was not proof-read! i hope this was good enough, it was kind of short.

SEND REQUESTS! 🤍🤍

[bi-writes]

simon being protective of his mail order bride scratches all the right spots in my brain.

mail-order bride

you're almost relieved when you hear the knock at the door. you've been a holding a tree pose for a few minutes too long, and the girl hosting the online yoga class is starting to fry your eardrums with her too-perky voice.

you're sweating bullets, and her hair hasn't moved a fucking inch out of her ponytail.

you mute the television, wiping your forehead before making your way to the front door. you open it with a sigh, not really knowing what you expected to see, but it certainly wasn't the average-dressed man standing on the steps there.

you blink, raising a brow when his eyes roam over you, and you realize suddenly that you're wearing workout clothes, which is showing off a little more than you'd like to some rando standing on your doorstep.

"uh..." you look around a little. "i'm sorry, can i help you?"

he smiles. it's a little unnerving.

"right, yeah, i'm starting a business around here, and i wanted to ask if you've been needing any help with any fixtures around the house. i'm giving a 50% discount if you give me a rating on google."

you open your mouth for a moment, frowning.

"uhm..." you shake your head, "sorry. we don't need any help right now."

"you live here alone? sometimes it's hard to spot when the electric's on the piss, y'know? need a keen eye," he laughs, coming up one of the steps. you shake your head again.

"no, thanks."

he's a wiry man, but he's tall (not taller than your husband, but taller than you). you step back a little and start to close the door. he comes up the steps. out of the corner of your eye, you see the cat slip out between your legs, hissing a little as the distance closes between you and the man.

"wait! can i give you my contact info? i don't have a card, but i can leave you my--"

the sound of simon's truck pulling into the garage gets both of you to look behind. simon doesn't even park all the way inside. he throws the truck door open, stepping out of it, and the man on your steps moves back away from you immediately, making his way off the little porch.

simon looks huge, more so than ever. his steps are heavy, boots hitting the ground like a warning bell, and he's wearing just a short-sleeved shirt that's showing off those glorious fucking arms. you have never doubted simon's strength, but he looks like he could flip a car with the anger that's leaving him in heavy waves. you're surprised that you are not afraid; you just know somehow that simon won't touch you.

"oi!" simon yells, and the man definitely understands he picked the wrong fucking house to be a creepy salesman at when his knees nearly buckle as he tries to walk away. "where the fuck do y'think y'r goin', you twat?"

you sigh deeply, not realizing how much you were shaking until you notice your hands trembling around the doorknob. you watch as simon catches the guy by his dirty jean jacket, nearly lifting him completely off his feet as he drags him towards the fence gate.

"hey! hey! i didn't do anything!"

"i saw ya, ya fuckin' arse, know exactly wot the fuck y'were doin'," simon growls, tossing him onto the sidewalk. he hits the pavement with a cry, holding onto his arm, and simon slams the fence gate closed before pointing at him accusingly. "'f i ever see ya anywhere near m'fuckin' house or even askin' m'wife for so much as fuckin' directions, i'll cut y'r bloody prick off, y'hear?"

you blink as simon comes closer, the cat retreating back into the house once they see him. he keeps walking, crowding you back into the house before he shuts and locks the front door. his chest is heaving, black t-shirt doing nothing to hide the puff of his chest and how large he makes himself when he stands up to other men. he doesn't even need to make himself larger; simon takes up enough space for two men combined.

"he touch you?" simon asks, his voice low. you see his fists clench, and you have no doubt that if you said yes, simon would go outside and paint the pavement a new color with the man's face.

you shake your head frantically, and he lets out a deep breath, reaching up and wrapping a hand around the back of your head and pulling you close.

he bends, pressing his masked forehead against yours, closing his eyes as he breathes in slowly. he rubs at the nape of your neck, soothing you, and you smile when he pulls away, giving him those big eyes that say thank you, thank you, thank you.

simon cocks his head, staring behind you, and you turn with him to see the cat blinking slowly at the two of you from it's place on the windowsill.

"should get you a fucking guard dog instead," simon mutters, pulling his mask off and kicking his boots into the corner. you smile as he walks away, trying to cool your warm cheeks with the backs of your hands.

doesn't he know you already have one?

[cazshmere]

Astrology Placements & Aspects that are likely to be stalked or attract obsessive people 🩸🕷️

(TW / MINORS DNI⚠️ : mentions of stalking and sexual content)

materialist 🔖

DEFINITION + DISCLAIMER : Stalking is persistent, unwanted attention or surveillance by an individual toward another person, often involving repeated following, contacting, or monitoring in ways that make the person feel threatened, harassed, or unsafe. It typically includes obsessive behavior aimed at controlling or staying close to the person, even without their consent. These are just my personal observations and are meant for entertainment purposes only; it may not resonate with everyone due to the nuances of astrology. Please respect my work and avoid copying or stealing it. Enjoy reading!! 🕷️🩸

🩸All Water Sign Placements (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces): Water signs are deeply emotional and intuitive, often forming intense bonds with others. Their empathetic nature can attract people who feel misunderstood or who have obsessive tendencies, as they believe only these individuals can truly understand them. This connection to the water signs' emotional depth can lead to feelings of obsession.

🩸Neptune in the 1st House: Ahh I think everyone’s heard of how much of a blessing and curse this placement is. Neptune in the 1st creates a mysterious or ethereal aura around the person. This makes them hard to read, which can magnetize those who idealize or obsess over mystery. Their ability to project fantasies onto others can lead stalkers to feel as if they’re connected on a deeper, almost spiritual level. A lot of celebrities with this placement have PSYCHOTIC FANS💀.

🩸Moon in the 1st House: These individuals are extremely attuned with their surroundings and can easily empathise and pick up on energies. They may unknowingly attract others who become fixated on their vulnerability or nurturing qualities.

🩸Pluto in the 1st House: Omg this placement is scary ngl because people notice how much power and magnetism this individual possesses and people just can’t help but be amazed and intrigued by these individuals. This intrigue makes them want to know more and more about the person which then leads to obsessive tendencies, such as following them around, stalking their social media page or just keeping tabs on them. These individuals surely have a strong, sometimes mysterious presence that can fascinate or captivate others, leading to obsessive behavior from admirers or stalkers.

🩸Chiron in the 1st House: Chiron in the 1st house can make someone appear vulnerable or wounded, which can attract individuals who want to "fix" or control them. This placement often draws people who are compelled to heal or dominate the person’s perceived weaknesses.

🩸Lilith in the 1st House: Lilith represents our shadow selves and repressed desires. In the 1st house, it can give off an aura of raw power and sexuality, attracting people who are drawn to what they perceive as forbidden or unattainable.

🩸Pluto-Ascendant Aspects (esp harsh aspects) : When the ascendant comes in contact with pluto, pluto intensifies its characteristics. This could indicate that these individuals have something super striking about their appearance. Pluto is also the planet of mystery and uncertainty so these individuals exude a sense of mystery which attracts people to them because they want to know more about this individual. These individuals attract people who want to control, or “possess” them which leads to stalking tendencies.

🩸Pluto-MC Aspects (esp harsh aspects) : People can easily retort to stalking tendencies when it comes to these individuals as MC represents their public persona and people get obsessed with the way the individual portrays or presents themselves to the world. This reminds me of stalker fans that celebrities have that would go to any and every extent to see them or be near them because they are so fascinated with how they “appear” in public. If you follow kpop there’s a term for these type of fans called as sasaeng fans (please go and look it up, it’s actually so scary) who also possess obsessive and super CONCERNING qualities which resonate with how stalking and obsession can occur in respect to this aspect.

🩸Pluto-Moon Aspects: This aspect gives rise to others becoming emotionally obsessed, attached and dependent on the individual. This attachment or dependence leads to obsession as other people feel they NEED this individual in order to survive and this causes obsession. These individuals may attract obsessive or controlling partners who are drawn to their emotional depth and vulnerability.

🩸Pluto-Venus Aspects (esp harsh aspects): Omg individuals with this aspect, PLEASE PLEASE be really careful with who you trust or share your information with, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Your partner could become super possessive of you and would want to monitor you 24/7, so creepy omg. These individuals also attract really insecure and possessive people. So please be mindful when you’re letting your guard down with others. These individuals attract obsessive partners who are unable to let go, often experiencing power struggles or possessive behavior.

🩸Pluto-Mars Aspects (esp harsh aspects) This aspect heightens the individuals sexual energy which in return tends to attract attention of A LOT of perverts or people who just want to sleep with you. They see you as a way to sexually satisfy their needs and they become obsessed with the fact that you might sleep with them and slowly start getting creepy and stalking you till you give in and sleep with them (PLEASE RUN AWAY IMMEDIATELY). If you have this aspect and feel like partners are just using you for sexual activities, PLEASE LEAVE because I’m sure when the attraction is genuine you will know it. This aspect induces a lot of LUSTFUL intentions in others towards you.

🩸Neptune-Mars Aspects (mainly the square and conjunction) : Oh god the amount of times people with this aspect get sexualised is so sickening. Literally people fantasise about you in their sexual scenarios and get obsessed with these scenarios and desperately want it to happen in real life. This desperation gives rise to obsession and stalking. TOXIC ASF.

🩸Venus Square/Opposite Saturn: Individuals with these aspects usually tend to have low self esteem so they can mistake obsession as love because they think this is exactly how love is supposed to feel like and this is all they’re going to get. This aspect also often suggests struggles in love and relationships, which can manifest as attracting partners who are emotionally unavailable or controlling. The difficulties in achieving healthy relationships may attract obsessive behaviour from others who know that the individual is easily controlled and can be manipulated. This power that these toxic people have over the individuals is what makes them obsessed because they just NEED to control and possess the native. Even if the native cuts ties with these toxic people, these people would stalk them and somehow try manipulating their way back into the natives lives.

🩸Scorpio Venus: OKAY this placement takes the winner title for getting stalked. Literally every single scorpio venus I have encountered has one or the other story of how their partner or someone who liked them OUTRIGHT stalked them. The people who are into these natives are SUPER possessive and observant over these individuals. They stalk their social media, probably have a secret folder of their pics and somehow “magically” appear in the same places as the native is in. I’ve noticed that sometimes people with this placement do enjoy this kind of attention, as long as the other person is respecting your boundaries and the actions in the relationship are both consensual, then it’s all good. If you guys have watched the show “You”, there’s this character called Beck and I feel like she probably had this placement and that’s why Joe was so freakin OBSESSED with her and the amount of times and the ways in which he has stalked her is crazy💀

🩸Scorpio Mars: These people attract ATTENTION everywhere they go. A lot of staring from others too because it’s hard NOT to notice these individuals. Their powerful sexual energy and ability to dive deep into relationships can attract obsessive or controlling individuals who want to dominate or consume them.

🩸Pluto/Scorpio in the 7th House: Oh god, these people can’t help but not attract intense and controlling people. Their partners have a need to KNOW every single thing about them - where they are, who they’re with, what they’re doing. Basically 0 privacy. A lot of intrusive partners are attracted. Well the native itself could possess these obsessive tendencies and sometimes they might enjoy a little bit of obsession from their partners side but eventually it gets toxic wherein it gets hard to cut ties with their partners and this obsession turns into something detrimental.

🩸Venus in the 8th House: SO MANY STALKERS, SO MANY SECRET ADMIRERS. Trust me if you think people aren’t watching you, THEY DEFINITELY ARE. For some reason people tend to notice even the tiniest amount of change in your physical appearance. This is scary honestly because there are eyes on you always because honestly your energy is so POWERFUL and MAGNETIC that people just can’t seem to get enough of you. These individuals attract bitchy friends who want to know everything about the native and always try to ONE up them. Please be super careful with who you engage with and share your energy with. I feel like just because this is a super intense placement, your intentions might not be clearly understood by others. For instance if you’re just acting friendly with a guy he might mistake it as flirting and then develop feelings for you and become obsessed 💀💀. Scary asf.

🩸Mars in the 8th House: Just like venus in the 8th house your sexual energy and presence is very high. Honestly this placement is SO MUCH more than just intense sexual energy but what to do, these individuals inevitably exude this type of energy. So if these individuals are being friendly with someone, the person might mistake this friendliness as something more and try and make a move because these individuals do come off as slightly more sexual than other people. This could also mean that people who have sex with these individuals ALWAYS want to come back to them because it was probably the best sex they ever had. They basically become sexually obsessed with the natives and keep coming for more and more.

🩸Mars in the 10th House: Mars in the 10th house can make a person’s career or public life a focal point of their energy, which can attract admirers or stalkers who become obsessed with their achievements or public image. For instance Jungkook from BTS has this placement and his fans are feral and superrr obsessed with everything he does and as a fellow army it’s honestly concerning to see 😭💀.

🩸Pluto in the 10th House: I feel like this placement attracts more of haters who are OBSESSED with the power these natives hold and want to either possess the same amount of power or overtake the native. This obsession stems more from hatred and envy. This intense, sometimes intimidating energy can draw admirers or obsessive followers who are either fascinated by their authority or want to undermine it.

🩸Neptune in the 10th House: Neptune in the 10th house can make a person’s public persona appear glamorous or unreachable, drawing people who project fantasies or illusions onto them. These individuals may find that others become obsessed with their perceived image rather than their true self.

🩸Venus in the 12th House: Venus in the 12th house can create secretive or unspoken love affairs, which may attract admirers who remain hidden or watch from afar. This placement can sometimes make it difficult to see a person’s true intentions.

‼️Of course, there are likely other placements that may experience similar things, but these are the aspects and placements I can recall off the top of my head. It’s important to note that having any of these placements doesn’t guarantee that such experiences will occur. This is merely a possibility and may be nothing more‼️

banner/gif credits to the rightful owners

© cazshmere 2024 [All Rights Reserved]

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

Request idea:

Your darling, adoring, wonderful boyfriend Jason sits you down And solemnly confesses that he is red hood. He’s been dreading this day for months. If you want to leave, he’ll understand and wait—-

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU KNEW THE WHOLE TIME?

Jason thinks he’s in an angst fic. The reader is in a rom com where her boyfriend has been a ridiculously obvious superhero, but she’ll let him tell her when he’s ready.

Maybe some shaningany flashbacks where you’ve helped to keep his identity secret (stalling so he can change, giving alibis) while he was oblivious.

- Batchilla

To Wait and To Love

Hi Batchilla! Hope you enjoy! ♡ ~1.5k words

Your boyfriend is a vigilante, Red Hood, to be exact. You know this. He's just not aware you know this.

It's obvious, really, and kind of cute the way he makes excuses to leave. Sure, before you put two and two together, it was starting to seem like he was just dragging you along. But it all made sense when you caught sight of the helmet poorly concealed under his bed.

It makes you wonder if he wants to get caught. Especially when he brings you flowers from the shop you just saw him save from Poison Ivy on TV. Or freezer-burnt cartons of ice cream from your favorite ice cream shop, which was buried under piles of snow courtesy of one Mr. Freeze only twenty minutes ago.

You offer him big smiles and kisses of thanks, and your heart melts a little at how relieved he looks, how baffled he is by your understanding. And you do understand. To tell someone you run around in spandex and leather every night is a big risk, especially for someone who used to run crime in Gotham.

You're no angel yourself, even if he does call you one, and it's endearing to watch him scramble for excuses. It's even more endearing that he tries so hard to make it up to you when he's late, when he has to leave early, when he comes back battered and bruised with flimsy half-thought out explanations.

You'll let him take all the time he needs to tell you, and it's almost funny how easily you've come to cover for him.

"Jason? Oh, he's changing his suit. Someone knocked into me and I spilled my drink all over his jacket. How embarrassing," You laugh out, answering the reporter's question over Jason's absence from the latest Wayne Gala. It's only half a lie, you might not have spilled your drink but he's definitely changing his suit. It's just not the suit anyone would expect.

Once whispers of a break-in at Gotham National Bank started circulating the Gala, it wasn't hard to miss the meaningful glances between your boyfriend and his family. Sometimes you wonder how no one's noticed it before.

You smile brightly at him once he comes back, smelling like gunpowder and leather, and you let him kiss your knuckles while he mumbles apologies over getting caught up with an old friend. You don't imagine Riddler is exactly an old friend, but you teasingly tell him how he owes you a dance for making you wait. He smiles back, his own grin even brighter than yours, as he leads you to the dance floor.

You're opening the door to your apartment, chatting lazily with your friend after a night out.

"Is your boyfriend here? I remember you saying you two were practically living together," they ask, eyes trailing around your living space.

You hum thoughtfully, "We pretty much are. I think he might be sleeping or out looking for the stray cat we saw the other day. It had a bad limp." It's not a hundred percent a lie either, there was a hurt stray. You just know that Catwomen already picked it up, after a text Jason sent to Bruce Wayne's current girlfriend, Miss. Selena Kyle. Which would have been more of a surprise if you didn't already know who Batman was.

But it definitely isn't the truth, because you did catch sight of a red helmet following you and your friend back from the club. (Gotham never felt safer, than when he was watching over you.)

Your friend coos and starts to respond, when a thump sounds from the fire escape. They jolt, "What was that?"

"The cat, probably," You say quickly, letting out a laugh, "it's, uh, pretty big. Has a limp. Hey, did I show you the flowers Jason got me?" You gesture towards the bouquet behind them, and you both focus on the pretty blossoms.

Within minutes, you hear your bedroom door open and close. "Hi, baby," Jason drawls, looping an arm around your waist to pull you to his side, "Sorry, I fell asleep, how was your night?"

You pretend not to notice the limp he's nursing, one you're certain he should be resting, and tilt your head up to kiss his jaw, "It was fun. Missed you."

"I missed you too," he echoes fondly, and the three of you fall into an easy conversation. You distract your friend when you all go to sit on the couch, and if you choose to avoid sitting on his left side, it's certainly not because Red Hood hurt his leg fighting Killer Croc earlier this week.

Jason has never said your name like that before. His eyebrows are knitted together. He's kneeling in front of you, his hands clasped over yours as you sit on the bed.

"I love you and I– I have something to tell you," he chokes out, strained, "please, just– just, hear me out."

It clicks. This is it. He's going to tell you.

You smile and nod, it'll be nice to finally air out this secret. And maybe he could help you work on your excuses? It'll be easier if you're working as a team. You reach out and brush his hair back, unfazed and delighted he's trusting you enough with this, "Of course, Jason. Anything you need to tell me."

Jason is going to throw up. He's finally gotten his act together enough that he's going to tell his partner he's Red Hood. His stomach is churning, it's agony, knowing he could lose them over this.

They're so good to him. So understanding and patient and kind. He has no idea how he got so lucky. And he loves them. It's scary sometimes, how much he loves them. He wants this to last so badly. So, he has to be honest. Has to tell them he isn't what the world says he is.

He's a vigilante. Was a crime lord. He hurts people to save people. He terrifies the trash that calls themselves human. He's not good for you, but he tries. He wants you to still love him.

He wants you to stay so much. Even if he's not good. He wants you. You deserve so much more than the excuses and lies he gives. Jason's wanted to tell you for weeks, but he chokes on his words every time. He's never been so afraid of doing something. Not when he was a kid on the streets. Not when he was Robin. Not as Red Hood.

You look so perfect, sitting at the edge of your bed and smiling at him. He almost flinches when he thinks this could be the last time you smile at him.

He's on his knees. He's prepared to beg. He would beg to keep you.

He says your name, he tells you he loves you. It might be the last time he gets to say that to you. The thought makes him even more nauseous. He tells you he has something to say.

You brush his hair back and keep smiling. He wants to sob. You don't know. You don't know what he is, what he's done.

"I'm Red Hood," he gasps out, voice ragged.

A beat. You're still smiling, you still look happy, and you're nodding at him.

He blinks at you, "I'm Red Hood," he repeats, "I know that- I know it's a lot. I understand if you never want to see me again, but, baby–"

You lean forward and kiss him. He's more than just a little dumbfounded. "Jason, I love you too. I'm not leaving you. I, um, kind of already knew you were Red Hood?" You say, a sheepish smile coming over your face.

"You– what?" Jason stumbles out. You're still here. Still touching him. You kissed him. You look relaxed. Happy.

"I saw your helmet under the bed. Everything clicked after that," You tell him gently.

"And you're okay with that? You're okay with me?" He asks, tone betraying his desperation.

Concern flashes in your eyes, "Of course I'm okay– I'm more than okay with that, Jason. I love you, tights or not."

He lets out a laugh, and his stomach swoops, the tension dissipating throughout his body, "Yeah?"

You grin at him, cupping his face, "Yeah, but you're going to have to show me how you swing around rooftops."

He gets off his knees to kiss you again, he doesn't think this moment could get any better, "Is that all?"

You giggle, at the pure elation in his eyes, and he grins widely at your joy. Then, the moment does get better, "Well, I'm kinda interested in the car Batman drives around you."

"I could make that happen," he murmurs, and seals the promise with another kiss, "You wanna see the batplane too?"

Your eyes light up, and Jason thinks he might be addicted to the mischievous glint that flickers in your gaze.

[rockatanskette]

Laughter would be such a confusing emotional expression to alien species. I was watching a comedy live play tonight and laughed so hard that I cried at one point and somewhere in that fugue state I realized how absolutely bizarre a response that is.

Like, relieving tension is a response that aliens would almost definitely understand, but there are more intuitive ones. Massage, deep breathing, exercise, hell even sex make more sense than laughing from a purely biological perspective. But laughing? Briskly expelling air from your lungs so fast that it can overwhelm your system and sometimes cause even more physical tension? Wild.

You text an alien friend "lol" and they ask what it means and you have to look up the etymology because it's 2781 and it's just been its own word for centuries to tell them, "laughing out loud."

"What is 'laughing out loud'?" And then you send them a GIF and they text you back in all caps "ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?? DO YOU NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION??"

And you have to talk them down and explain and they start to feel better until you let slip that at least it wasn't so strong you couldn't breathe and then they spiral again because "this response causes asphyxiation? And it's INVOLUNTARY????"

Not that aliens are humorless of course, but I definitely don't actually lol at most od the Reels my friends send me. I just smile at the cleverness or the stupidity. This, I think aliens would understand—they smile at humans' cleverness and stupidity all the time.

I almost wonder if they would assume the other side of laughter first, due to its oddity to them. Because we know very well that sometimes laughter can let off tension in a bad way, too. A witch's cackle, a villain's chuckle, a little girl's giggle in a horror movie.

Would it be affirming, I wonder, to see the horror on a human's face when they lose contact with a member of their crew planetside and when they finally make contact again, all they hear is a slow, dark snickering through the comm?

After all, it's such a strange thing to hear, laughter.

Would it be a relief to see their faces pale with the same unease that the aliens' feel every time they hear that odd sharp sound from the depths of human throats?

Or would it strike an even deeper chord of fear, to see that sound that makes every human smile turn their face, instead?

[suiana]

girl. imagine yandere! otome isekai reverse harem and isekai'd reader. except isekai'd reader is chronically online and has no sense of shame.

basically reader isekai'd into the evil villain/villainess's body and was in the middle of getting shit talked by some nobles for something the og villain/villainess did in the novel.

"they're such scum... why are they even-"

"erm, what the sigma? I'll have you know I'm super awesome sauce and can rizz up livvy dunne."

the people are all flabbergasted. what were you talking about? did you finally go mad as well?

"p-pardon?"

"stupid locals. none of you get me like freakbob does."

"???"

and obviously, like every other otome isekai, your new behavior gets the attention of the male leads. they've caught wind that you've changed and they had to see it for themselves. what?? the crazy villain/villainess is no longer plotting?!

...

wrong, you're still plotting. just not plotting evil acts for their attention anymore.

"i wonder if i learn how to control the pigeons could i make them shit on people's heads?"

"excuse me?"

but of course they're enchanted by your... eccentric behavior. so what? they're literally the stereotypical male leads. the cold duke of the north with black hair and red eyes, the powerful mage of the high tower, the crazy mad dog crown prince, and the knight no one really cares for.

you know what actually would be crazy though? if they didn't act like the stereotypical male leads. yeah, that's right. the cold duke isn't actually cold and is a huge puppydog. the powerful mage isn't all knowledgeable and only knows how to use one spell that's super overpowered. the knight is loved by everyone. the crown prince is still crazy though.

anyway not important. you go through the same events as the og villain/villainess with them but because you're acting so different. they develop vastly different opinions of you. oh. maybe you're just a silly guy and not the crazy villain/villainess they thought you were. cool.

however one thing they have in common is the fact that they are all madly in love with you. yeah. that's right. they all fell for you. sure, you say weird things sometimes and clearly don't care about the plot but-

"my dear, shall we visit the garden? it will be a change of scenery from the library-"

"what? are you saying I'm not smart enough? I'll have you know that i graduated top of my class of mogger academy in ohio and became the top sigma wolf."

"i-"

"you're giving such beta energy right now😒"

yeah, they can't understand you. at all. but that's okay! you're still so cute and they just absolutely love you! ever since you stopped being the weird evil villain/villainess you actually became likeable! wow! maybe the genre of this novel will shift to a cheesy romance novel?

there's only one problem!

you don't really love them back!

"darling do you want to marry me?"

"you ask me that one more time and I'm cutting your dick off."

ugh... this is so hard...

oh! maybe they'll band together to keep you with them! it's 4 people against one. how will you ever win? they'll definitely get you this time and you won't be able to escape. and they'll finally get the love that they so desperately crave from you.

[kotoku]

Could I request Dr Ratio, Aven, and Sunday (separately) with a partner who calls them edible as a weird form of compliment? Like “awww you look so cute and edible!”

And maybe they sometimes bite him, not hard enough to hurt but just enough to be uncomfortable

Please and thank ya!

ꜱᴜɴᴅᴀʏ, ᴀᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀɪɴᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅʀ ʀᴀᴛɪᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴ ꜱ/ᴏ ᴡʜᴏ ᴄᴀʟʟꜱ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴇᴅɪʙʟᴇ ᴀꜱ ᴀ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟɪᴍᴇɴᴛ

pairings - sunday x reader / aventurine x reader / dr ratio x reader

content - reader is gender-neutral/ established relationship/ reader has their own way of expressing their affection lol

warnings - none

⋘ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ... ⋙

“Aww you look so cute and edible!”

“Edible? Is this in reference to my wings being called chicken wings?” 

↻ Sunday has literally no idea what you are talking about but he appreciates the compliment

↻ Whenever you call him ‘edible’ he just gives you a smile and says thank you, continuing on with his business

↻ At one point he would probably ask his sister what it means to be called ‘edible’, getting a laugh and a not so helpful description in response

↺ He’d probably ask the Trailblazer about it since they seem on par with your slang (boomer Sunday lol)

↻ Sometimes you’ll randomly bite him, especially on his wings which always get a extreme reaction from him 

↺ He can’t tell whether he likes it or is uncomfortable with it, nonetheless he politely advises you to bite anywhere else besides his wings (he might experiment on that later in private)

↻ Like your ‘edible’ comment, he’ll find your biting a little weird but dismisses it as your way of showing that you adore him (maybe it’s some sort of mating ritual? who knows)

↻ If you call him ‘edible’ or bite him in public, he freezes– how is he going to explain this!? 

↺ He probably has numerous of bite marks on his skin from you, not like you bit too hard for it to hurt but it was definitely hard enough to leave a mark (he gets flustered everytime he looks at them, desperately trying to cover them up before leaving the house)

↺ If someone says something about it, he’ll shrug it off and say that’s how you show your affection for him, giving them a look that urges them to not talk about it any longer

“I’m cute and edible? Thanks, you’re cute and edible too, _____.”

↻ Aventurine partially understands what you mean

↻ He’ll call you ‘edible’ as well as a little joke, giving you a playful smile

↻ Honestly, Aventurine would take the ‘edible’ compliment as something suggestive, calling you ‘edible’ with a knowing look in his eyes as you burn up underneath his gaze

“Not in that way, Aven!”

↻ Aventurine lets you call him whatever you want as long as it’s nothing too extreme, especially if it’s in a public setting

↺ However, being called ‘edible’ isn’t inherently a bad thing to be called so he just shrugs and lets you call him that

↻ I can imagine him buying some sort of pastry/cake of himself to live up to that compliment of yours

“See ____, I’m literally edible now.”

↻ If you bit Aventurine as a way of showing your affection, he’d do the same to you without any shame

↺ The fucker would do it in public too, right in front of his subordinates or coworkers

↻ You’d mainly bite his forearm, cheek, or neck (right on his tattoo), which always elicits a reaction out of him

↺ Sometimes it would leave marks and he wouldn’t even bother covering them up, in fact, he’d display it with pride

“Oh this? My partner gave it to me, that’s how they show their affection.”

↻ He couldn’t give two shits about what anyone has to say about them

↻ The bites you give him are a not that uncomfortable, he’d probably like the feeling a lot (masochist -_-)

“Edible? _____, you can't eat me. That would be known as cannibalism, which is frowned upon in most places.”

↻ Veritas has no clue what the fuck you are talking about.

↻ Edible? What do you mean he’s edible?? Are you planning on eating him???

↻ He just stares at you to see if you’re joking, but you’re not, so he massages his temples as he gives you a disappointed sigh

“Out of all the compliments you could’ve given me, you chose to call me ‘edible’.”

↻ He respects your effort and appreciates the compliment though, never giving it a second thought if you call him that again

↻ Honestly, Veritas would probably do some research on what it means, taking it a tad bit far

↺ Is it something the people on your planet did? Was it a courting thing? 

↺ You’d have to reassure him that it’s just a compliment you came up with and that it just means you love him a lot (spoiler alert: he doesn’t believe you for a second and thinks there’s a hidden meaning behind it)

↻ Watching him invest his time into this compliment is something that both intrigues and worries you, but you let him go until it gets too far

↻ If you bit him as a way of showing your affection, he’d probably go down a whole ‘nother rabbit hole about its meaning

↻ If your biting left some marks on him, he’d cover them up to the best of his ability

↺ If someone noticed them, he would immediately glare at them, effectively preventing them from talking about it

“Not a word.”

↻ You probably like biting his biceps lol

↻ If you bit hard enough to where it was uncomfortable, he’d probably politely tell you to stop and that if you’re going to perform your weird mating ritual, you need to bite softer

⋘ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ! ⋙

[ms-demeanor]

You posted about adhd and I was hoping to follow up to clarify something. I’ve explained to my partner a million times about how the borderline-hoarding mess of his space is very mentally draining to me, and he understands but we’ve both essentially accepted he won’t clean his mess because he can’t because of his adhd. You’re saying he’s actually being a shit head?

This isn't necessarily an issue of him being a shithead, but it also isn't a sustainable situation. It's not good for you and there's a level of clutter that's probably not good for him either.

Large bastard is a lot more clutter-y than I am. The solution we've come to is trying to keep our messes at least isolated from one another; he can have his messes and I can have mine, but he can have those messes in his spaces, not all over the place. Sometimes those messes migrate, and that's when it's important for him to make the effort to rein them in rather than trying and failing to make a daily effort to keep our entire shared space tidy.

I think when you say "we've both essentially accepted he won't clean his mess" what I'm hearing is resignation; you're not happy about this but you don't know what to do so you've thrown up your hands and he feels helpless and unsure of what to do to improve the situation. This is the kind of "it's fine" that isn't really fine.

I think it would be worthwhile for you to each separately think about the mess and talk about it together. Are there areas that YOU *need* to have not-messy? Both for utility and your mental health? Are there areas where you can tolerate more mess than otherwise? Are there areas that are going to be harder for him to keep the mess out of than others? Are there things he doesn't *know* about cleaning up the mess?

I'm obviously a big "communication communication communication" person so I'm going to recommend a lot of talking about stuff, which is probably going to mean a lot of thinking about and interrogating stuff. I'm going to say "talk to him about why the mess bothers you" which means you also have to really articulate to yourself why the mess bothers you (for instance I'm not actually *bothered* by a messy kitchen, but I know it's going to reflect badly on us - and me specifically b/c of presumed gender roles - if someone pops by and the kitchen is a disaster, AND a messy kitchen is going to be harder to use). Genuinely, sometimes knowing *why* something is a problem might make it easier for someone with ADHD to do something. And it's not that he doesn't care that it upsets you, it's just that "Oh if I don't wash my breakfast dishes Anon won't have clear counterspace to make lunch" might be stickier in his brain (and less hard to look at emotionally) than "this thing I forget to do upsets my partner so I should do it."

For the record, I think that people with ADHD should read up on Demand Avoidance and see if it might explain some of the issues that they have in their day-to-day life; I've seen some really unfortunate situations with friends where trying to do things that their partner needed became the subject of demand avoidance. *I* have experienced negative outcomes of demand avoidance. The solution to that, however, isn't to stop making attempts to do the thing OR to simply try harder to do as they're asked/told (which reinforces the demand), it's to work on setting up a situation where the partners' needs are not interpreted as a demand. This is fuck-off difficult and requires a lot of patience and care and many attempts to succeed and will be different for each person and relationship.

(Also for the record demand avoidance isn't *super* strongly linked to ADHD and it's not a definitive symptom; like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it is something that occurs in some number of people with ADHD and can be a useful lens through which to examine various behaviors; you don't need to have DA or RSD to have ADHD, and having DA or RSD also doesn't invalidate your diagnosis; they're symptoms. For me, DA often feels like "if I don't look at it, it can't get me" - If I ignore all the messages I've got they aren't real and don't have real consequences so I'll just ignore my texts. If I don't look at the vendor email about the order, the problem with the order isn't real and it won't get added to my task list. If I don't look at the requests in my inbox I can't let people down when I don't do them. It's a self-protective coping mechanism but it's *maladaptive* and I can't just ignore the vendor email or all my texts. I need to work on a way of doing the stuff that I'm avoiding in a way that makes it less stressful and doesn't hurt the people relying on me. That takes a lot of effort, personal insight, trial and error, and )

But before I dive into specifics I want to be really really clear about one thing: sometimes people are simply incompatible. Sometimes one person has such a low tolerance for "mess" and the other person has such a high threshold for "mess" that it can't be reconciled. It sucks that this can end up being a thing that people break up over, but it is MUCH better to acknowledge incompatibility as early as possible instead of spending years and years building resentment.

There used to be a great forum called MiL's Anonymous that I spent a lot of time on. It had a lot of people in a lot of difficult situations struggling to get by and hold their relationships together. The question that was used as a litmus test to approach each situation was simple: If you knew today that everything about living with this person would be the same in five years, would you stay?

Because you can't control your partner. You can't control the future. You can only control yourself and your proximity to situations that are harmful to you. If you knew, 100%, that things wouldn't get better in five years, would you be okay with staying in this relationship? If the answer is "no," then that's that. Don't worry about questions of whether or not your boyfriend is a shithead, start the process of ending the relationship because there's a good chance the situation is going to be exactly the same in five years.

If the answer is "yes," and you'd stay in the relationship regardless of whether or not things changed, then it's time to take actions to improve your life within the context of the relationship.

(No judgement on that yes or no, btw. If you would hate living like this for another five years, and you would feel like you'd wasted your time and hadn't done the things you wanted to with your life, get out. Bail. Go. It will be better for you and better for your partner if you split instead of spending half a decade building resentments and and problems that you'll have to spend another half a decade healing from.)

Also, a note: you describe your boyfriend's mess as borderline hoarding - is the issue *mess* or is the issue *clutter*? I have friends who are very tidy, but whose homes are very cluttered. They like things, they have many things, they keep many things around, but their houses are always clean and well-dusted and orderly, just with a tremendous amount of *stuff.* I am addressing all of this as though the issue is mess, not clutter. If your boyfriend's situation is clutter (the space is busy and packed with things but it is functional and clean) and your issue isn't with *mess* (things out of place, things not having a place, things that need to be cleaned up gathering in stacks, falling behind on regular chores like laundry and dishes and taking out the trash) then you definitely need to assess whether or not you are compatible.

For instance here's a room that is messy but not cluttered compared to a room that is cluttered but not messy:

That first room is a *mess* but it would be very easy to clean up in under an hour. The second room is fairly tidy, but would take significant effort to pare down and declutter. BOTH of these can be difficult to live with but the second one is not dangerous or threatening to anyone's health. (The second one is QUITE cluttered and if every room in a house looks like this it can be overwhelming to live with; this is actually harder to deal with in a relationship than the first one in a lot of ways. I don't have a lot of advice for what to do if your partner is a high degree of tidy-but-cluttered because I don't actually think it's a problem or wrong to have thousands of books or bins full of lego or a million kitchen appliances as long as you have the space and can keep it safe and well-maintained; this is a really significant compatibility issue)

Okay, all that out of the way, here's the hard work.

Talk about this shit

Talk to your partner and define "mess." Make sure you are on the same page about what you mean when you're talking about what a messy room looks like versus what a tidy room looks like. Gather reference pictures. DRAW reference pictures.

Explain not just that the mess upsets you, but *why* and *how* it upsets you. In this context don't think of it as your boyfriend's mess, think of it as an unpleasant roommate. Discuss this using "I-statements". "When I have to pick up laundry all over the apartment, I feel like a parent more than a partner." "When there are piles of miniatures all over the table, I feel like I don't have anywhere to do things I'm interested in." "When there are dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated because I have to clean before I can feed myself."

Discuss, frankly and openly, whether he knows how to clean. I'm not trying to make excuses for him here but a lot of people with ADHD have a lot of stress and avoidance around cleaning because they spent a lot of time getting yelled at for not knowing how to clean properly.

Discuss your needs, be firm about what you require but willing to compromise. You *need* some spaces to be clean, and some spaces may be harder for him to keep clean than others. It may be MUCH harder for him to keep a bedroom tidy than it is to keep a kitchen tidy; if you need a clean and empty bedroom with everything put away and he simply cannot do that, that is a compatibility issue. But perhaps you need *your* side of the bedroom to be very orderly and can tolerate a moderate level of mess and clutter on his side. Maybe you're really really bothered by a messy kitchen, but it doesn't bug you if the dining table is covered with projects and papers. Figure out something more workable than "his mess goes everywhere and i live with it because he's incapable of cleaning" because he probably is not incapable of cleaning and you deserve to have places in your home that are comfortable for you.

Reduce friction for cleaning

Sometimes the problem isn't cleaning, the problem is the many many steps before cleaning, or not knowing where something should go when you are done cleaning. One of the absolute best things I've done for myself for cleaning my space is getting a broom holder and mounting the broom to the wall. Sweeping is now essentially thoughtless. I don't have to find the broom or pull it out from a pile of fans or go scrounging around for a dustpan it's right there on the wall, frictionless. So here are some ways to reduce the barriers to cleaning:

Make sure you and your partner both know how to use your cleaning supplies and know where those supplies are. When I switched dishwasher soap I had to re-show Large Bastard where I was storing it and how it was used, because to him what happened was the dishwasher tabs just vanished one day and he didn't know what I was putting in the machine or the process I used. He sometimes puts tools away in places that I can't see (he's more than a foot taller than me) so sometimes I can't get started on a maintenance project until he shows me where he put the battery pack for the drill.

Consider making a how-to chart to or having him make a how-to chart to keep someplace accessible so he can reference it while cleaning. Goblin.Tools Magic ToDo is great for this. Basically a lot of the time people with ADHD have trouble knowing what to do from step to step even if they've done something before, so having a step by step guide can make it easier (I have notebooks full of step-by-step guides for everything from paying for my tuition to removing licenses for my customers to weeding my yard)

Remove obstacles; don't keep cleaning chemicals in the garage in a box that's behind a stack of parts, keep them in the room you'll be cleaning. Don't keep the cleaning supplies that you use to clean the bathroom in the kitchen. Sometimes this means buying two bottles of bleach solution and two scrubbers and two sets of cleaning gloves but having fewer steps (fetch the windex, fetch the paper towels, fetch the gloves) is often the key to getting things done (open under-sink cabinet and grab windex, gloves, and paper towels that are there instead of in the kitchen).

This sort of overlaps with the next category, which is:

Create Dump Zones

One thing that I've found that seems very different between people with ADHD cleaning and neurotypical people cleaning is that neurotypical people are good at getting to a point where the cleaning is "done." They have checked off their tasks and they have finished and it is over. There are *SOME* chores that are like this (taking out the trash is a binary state, the trash has been taken out or it has not) and some chores are perpetual (horrid cursed dishes) but I think with people with ADHD, some chores that are binary for neurotypicals are actually perpetual chores. For instance "clean off the counter" is not a one and done for me. "Clean off the counter" may involve a three day reorganization project. "Clean off the counter" does not mean "wipe down the tile and put dishes away" it means assessing whether or not I need to make vegetable stock and bleaching three tea containers and reconsidering whether or not the sharps container should live somewhere else and going through the mail and figuring out what needs to be responded to and taking out the recycling and on and on and on.

We have had company at the house for the last two weeks, so I asked large bastard to clean off the dining room table, which is largely a project zone for him. Cleaning off the dining room table meant putting away his meds (and since he's a transplant patient that involves a 30 gallon rubbermade tote), throwing away some trash, and totally reorganizing his workshop. It also incidentally involved picking up a table from facebook marketplace and moving my plants, which has now involved moving my former plant rack outside (moving buckets, finding and organizing planters and gardening tools) and taking the former table to the thrift store (not done yet) and cleaning the rug that was under the former table. So "either the table is clean, or it isn't" isn't really true for us.

HOWEVER "hang on we can't eat until the table is clear so let's drive to Pico Rivera to get that console table right now" isn't a workable plan, so you create dumpzones as areas of holding between the start and the finish of the chore.

A dump zone can be a laundry basket. It can be a craft bin. It can be a back room or under your bed. It is a place to put things that you are going to deal with later because if you deal with them now it is going to derail the thing you are actually trying to do, which is set the table for dinner.

Dump zones are vital to cleaning with ADHD and I recommend them for day-to-day cleaning as well. The day-to-day dump zones might be more for you than for your boyfriend. For instance, Large Bastard works with bullets and he sheds bullets all over the house. I used to get stressed when I found bullets when I was cleaning because are these work bullets? Are these recreational bullets? Are they in testing? Do they need to be pulled? Do they go in the workshop or the office or the garage or does he need these today so they have to stay on the counter? And the answer now is "that's not my problem naughty bullets go in the jar." Which is perfectly sensible because he gets to say "mystery yarn goes in the bin" and "art supplies go in the bucket."

I feel helpless when cleaning a lot of the time. I'm frustrated and lost and I don't know where stuff goes and everything I pick up spins off into three projects in my head and every step feels like a wall to scale. Dump zones help me with that when there's pressure or a reason for cleaning beyond day to day home maintenance. People are coming over? The bedroom is a dump zone, I'll deal with that later. I'm just cleaning up because I need to? Okay I can find a permanent home for this new dish soap.

AS A VERY IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO THIS:

Active projects do not go in dump zones while you or your partner are cleaning. This may mean designating a project sanctuary area like a corner of the table or one particular chair in your main room where a project can be placed so as not to be disturbed. (if my current crochet project ends up in the yarn bin, that may mean that I don't pick the project up for another three months, it lives on the windowsill behind the couch because that's where it'll get worked on)

Do not put things away for your partner, put them in the dump zone for your partner. Your partner has to be the one to put their own stuff away in a way that works for them. I tend to find that this naturally puts a limit on the time stuff sits in the dump zone, because eventually you'll go "hey where's my thing?" and will put stuff away. If that doesn't happen, it's still generally better to have stuff in a dump zone than all over the home.

Do not decide you know what things go together from your partner's stuff and try to "put like things together." The neurotypical urge to put like things together is the mindkiller(j/k). You do not know which things are "similar" in your partner's organization schema and attempting to organize things on your own is going to end up with all of the things "organized" being functionally lost forever from your partner's perspective. Large Bastard's mom would do this and it was infuriating, she'd say "oh I put all the electronics stuff in one box" and she would mean soldering irons, transistors, ham radios, HDMI cables, and cellphone chargers. We are *still* going through boxes of stuff that she "tidied up" when he was hospitalized in 2020 and 2021.

To prevent the need for quite so many dump zones over time, you can work on setting up landing zones and "homes" for projects and tools.

Landing Zones

Landing zones are places where things go when you come inside from doing various things. Sometimes your landing zone only needs to be a tray for your wallet and keys, sometimes your landing zone needs to be a place to take off muddy boots and put a trowel and gloves down before you shower.

To make an effective landing zone, consider what behaviors you're trying to minimize and whether the people using it are ACTUALLY going to use it. For instance I was tired of the corner of my hearth getting cluttered with random junk so I hung up some hooks and put a shelf and a basket there and it became a really effective landing zone for my bag and keys and the mail, but it was VERY ineffective for Large Bastard because it's by a door that isn't the primary door he uses to enter the house. As a result I always know where my keys and bag are but he has trouble finding his keys and wallet. He tends to enter the house through our bedroom and has an overloaded valet next to the door and that's usually where his wallet ends up. Mounting a shelf to the wall above the valet and putting a basket and a hook on it will be a better place for his stuff to land. It's not that he's not using the first zone because he doesn't know that it's there, or because he doesn't care about lost time when I'm searching for my car keys after he borrows them, he's not using it because it's not by the door he uses. That's all.

I have a landing space for when I come in for gardening that's different than the one when I come in from grocery shopping. I have a landing space for when I walk into the dining room instead of the kitchen when I get home.

Landing spaces prevent stuff from piling up all over the place because they are a limited functional space that should be used frequently. Mail ONLY goes in the landing zone. If you have mystery mail or if you're not sure it's safe to toss, you put it in the landing zone. You can't let the mail get piled up too high or you won't have a space for your keys. You can't let the change in your wallet tray get too deep or your wallet is going to slide off, etc., but you also don't just put change on the coffee table or your nightstand because the landing zone is right there.

Homes for items are just what they sound like. They're the place the item goes. It lives there. My meds live on my nightstand. You would not believe how poorly I did with taking my meds on my vacation because they weren't on my nightstand. A while back large bastard lost one of his sets of sorted meds and we tore the house up looking for them because he couldn't find them in his nightstand, which is where they live. *I* found them in his nightstand because I emptied out the entire top drawer (he had only looked on the top layer) and found them underneath a radio and a hammock. Even though they were *hidden* they were in their home, so they were findable. I recently needed ink for an art class. Art supplies live in a dresser by my desk. Ink lives in the art bin or the top left drawer. The ink was not in either of these places (it was on a cabinet in the dining room behind a teacup) so it took me weeks to find it.

Sometimes the reason that ADHD spaces are so messy is because objects have been assigned homes in places that are visible and if they get moved they get lost. This is a genuinely difficult problem that requires a lot of effort to solve and can involve a lot of trial and error for creating a tidy living space. For some people, open shelving and visible storage might be a good solution. For some people, assigning a VERY clear home and inculcating that location by habit is the only way to clean up a space. For some people one very cluttered corner to at least isolate the chaos does the trick (for me and large bastard open shelving doesn't work because anything in one place for too long becomes invisible; that means that I rely on assigning things homes and large bastard relies on having contained chaos and a general idea of where to search but what that DOES NOT mean is that he is clean or tidy. His spaces look like an explosion. But he can mostly find his stuff and do what he needs to do and as long as that's limited to specific places in shared spaces I can live with it; the dining room table can be a disaster, the kitchen cannot).

People organize things differently. It often takes a while for neurotypical adults to settle into an organizational style that works for them and ADHD adults may need to settle into a new system every few months for it to continue working. The cleanup and declutter is most likely going to be a permanent project that is always going to demand some level of attention from everyone in a shared space, but "my ADHD means I can't do it" is not really going to fly. Maybe his ADHD means that he can't keep his space tidy, but it doesn't mean you can't move stuff from shared spaces into dump zones or that he can't do stuff around the house.

If he's insisting that his ADHD means that he can't clean it is possible that he's not being a shithead, he just feels helpless and doesn't know where to start and has adopted the belief that he's a useless piece of shit who can't even keep a tidy space like a grownup because he's internalized a lot of shitty attitudes (hello, my internal monologue about keeping a clean house). But it's also possible that he's just being a shithead.

It's something that's worthwhile to investigate with him. If he's unwilling to make an attempt, then he's being a shithead.

It is also not your responsibility to rehabilitate another person. If he wants to clean and it's something he feels bad about and needs some help and support with the way that someone might need help or support for learning to use a mobility aid, that is fine but you don't have to be the one who gives him that support if it's detrimental to your health, and you don't have to be the one to teach him that stuff if it's not something you're capable of. And if he is NOT interested in working on making your shared living space more accessible for you, that is not your suitcase to unpack and you just have to ask yourself the question from the start: would I stay with this person if I knew the situation was never going to change?

IDK, I'm sure a lot of this reads like "anon you must take on the emotional labor of training your partner to be an adult" but it's really meant to be more of a way of assessing yourself and your relationship. If you created landing zones do you think he'd use them? Would he get angry if you assigned a laundry basket as a dump zone for his stuff while you tidy the living room? Is living with him long-term going to be comfortable for you if nothing changes? Do you have enough of a shared definition of "mess" that you're at least in the ballpark for what counts as a clean house?

anyway good luck, and a reminder to folks that I'm compiling a bunch of adhd resources and other information on my personal website, ms-demeanor.com. It's coming along slowly but it will eventually include stuff like ADHD cleaning tips and how to tackle a hoard, so maybe keep your eye on that space.