#but i definitely do find myself attracted to girls too actually my first crush was on a girl

[saerins]

ᯓ ᝰ RIGHT HERE .ᐟ — touya todoroki

touya x female reader. content tags modern au, childhood sweetheart!touya, both are working adults, making out, mentions of infidelity/murder, he’s a tease. word count 1.7k

ᯓ notes .ᐟ haha can you tell i love touya too much rn ? just getting back into writing so have some of my touya :) thanks to any of you who read this <3

“touya, you’re gonna make me late for work tomorrow,” you whine, pouting as he wins you in yet another round of super smash bros. (and hence you’d have to stay up and continue playing at his behest.)

beside you, touya smirks, rows of pearly white visible while he clearly enjoys tormenting you. “weren’t you the one who said you needed a distraction?”

you grumble as you take the couch pillow and hold it over your face, groaning in frustration. touya’s right; you’d called him right after dinner, practically forced him to come after you figured out that you’re actually not as strong you thought and you’re actually still really upset that your ex cheated on you.

it’s only pathetic because it’s already been a couple of months and you’re still wallowing over it somehow.

“you know, i bet all that frustration will go away if you just let me kill that fucker,” touya tells you, flicking your forehead as leans forward, yanking the cushion off your face.

unamused, you deadpan at him. “yeah? then what am i gonna do when you’re in jail, huh?”

touya snickers, “aww, what? can’t handle being without me?”

in a strange way, your honest answer is definitely not. you’ve known touya forever. ever since you were five and your families connected at a preschool event. ever since your friend fuyumi introduced you to her brother. ever since touya confided in you how much he hated his father.

fast forward more than a decade later and you’re both sitting in your apartment, in a different state than either of your families, still as close as you were when you were kids.

you glare at touya, rolling your eyes before scrunching your nose and smirking at him. “actually, go ahead, i’ll go find myself a better guy while you rot in the cell.”

your best friend scoffs, cocking a brow and looking like he’s offended. “i off someone for you and you don’t marry me immediately? the fuck is wrong with you?”

the shit-eating grin that dawns on his face immediately after makes your heart skip a beat. yeah, you’ve always found him attractive, maybe even had a crush on him back in high school, but he’d always had girls after girls, and somewhere along the way you learned to stuff those flimsy emotions back down.

until you remember that he’s been single for a while now, and the fact that you’re both working adults with all the freedom in the world.

fuck, you really shouldn’t go back there.

“haha, funny,” you try to wave it off sarcastically. “says the one who told his ex that he just sees me as a little sister.”

he laughs, leaning back against the couch, a hand behind his head, abs sticking out from the edge of his shirt. it takes you a second to rein yourself in, not wanting to get teased relentlessly by him if you get caught staring.

“hey, she was getting jealous of me spending so much time with you! what was i supposed to say?”

yes, you’re aware. most of them were. most of the time you never told touya about any of that; of how his girlfriends were coming up to you, all insecure about your friendship and asking if you could back off. that was the most common thing among all his relationships: the girls’ pleas for you to keep a distance.

you did… the first few times.

and after his fifth relationship, you realised that touya would always pull you back close. would always end up breaking up with them if your friendship is causing them too much worry.

“you didn’t have to say anything, maybe you should’ve just kept your distance, you know? since most of them seemed to have a problem with it,” you comment, trying to act as nonchalant as possible, though even you don’t believe yourself.

a life without touya is unimaginable for you. even if you can’t really say the same for him.

touya sighs, shifting in his position before ultimately putting an arm around you, pulling you close. he smells like your soap and his hair against your face tickles.

he’s always like this; always touchy, always close. recently he’s been more than usual, coming over and sleeping the night (you never did anything physical!), chasing other guys away at the club because they’re not good enough for you.

and when he’s like that, you think maybe there’s no harm in letting those long-lost feelings flow back.

it’s dangerous.

he’s always like this. always way too much for you to handle. and yet you can’t live without him.

and then he does something he’s never done before.

you feel his lips on your temple, and you hear the chuckle reverberating from his throat. his left arm around you holds you tight, not that you’re running anywhere—you’re pretty sure you’re frozen stiff from the shock.

did that really happen?

“how can i do that when you’re the only one i want?”

you’re sure that’s his voice. it can’t be anyone else’s. but you’re not sure if you believe him. is he really saying what you think he’s saying?

slowly, you turn to face him, expecting him to wear that smug grin and tease you for being so gullible but it never comes. instead, you’re greeted with his half-lidded eyes, blue pupils staring at your lips like he’s hypnotised, his thumb caressing your lower lip from left to right like he’s trying to memorise all the grooves.

it’s so soft that you barely recognise your own voice when it comes, “touya, kiss me.”

and maybe he’s always wanted to, because he doesn’t miss a beat. the second you open your mouth, he’s giving you what you asked for, his tongue prying your lips open and he tastes just like the warm in winter mornings, like the comfort people always dream about.

mint. you can taste the sweet from when he ate it right before he beat you in the game. you can feel the cold on the tip of your nose from when you brush against the piercings on his nostrils. you can feel him carry you onto his lap, feel his hands wrapping around your waist. you can feel his heartbeat under his chest, under your palm, almost as erratic as your own.

were you really just upset over someone else?

every relationship you’d been sad over suddenly didn’t seem to make sense anymore. not when touya’s right here, lips locked with yours and telling you more with his kiss than you’ve ever heard from his words.

by the time you pull away, both of you are breathless, his hand on your cheek, lips softly brushing over your own like he can’t bear to be away even for just a second. you can’t bring yourself to open your eyes, half overwhelmed and half confused.

“fuck, did we really just—”

“shh,” you hush him, putting a finger on his lips, suddenly embarrassed. your foreheads are still pressed together, and you can’t see it but he’s admiring your face, holding himself back from just kissing you even more.

touya moves your finger away. he whispers your name in the most gentle tone you’ve ever heard, “does that mean you feel the same?”

you swallow the lump in your throat, tongue-tied and still straddling your best friend on the couch. you’re just a single impulsive action away from going all the way.

dangerous.

pulling back even further, you’re about to make a break for your bedroom when touya pulls you back, making sure you face him.

“no running this time,” he tells you, voice raspy and his eyes flicking from your eyes to your nose and your lips but mostly your lips. “i want you,” he whispers, and the minute you lock gazes, the answer has never been more clear to you.

“i want you too, touya,” you answer, both excited and afraid but he never lets you harp on things too much because he’s already kissing you silly, barely letting you breathe—you don’t have to guess with him; he wants you so desperately you can feel it in his actions.

“touya, we should stop,” you whine, knowing that this might be going way too quick yet you want it all the same.

touya shakes his head, big hands slipping under your shirt and squeezing your waist. “no, don’t wanna stop,” he whispers into your mouth.

he’s about to pull your shirt over your head when the loud shrill of his phone interrupts. he would’ve tossed it to the side if you hadn’t taken it and insisted he should take it. it’s from shoto, after all. (he doesn’t call often, it’s a complicated relationship.)

grumbling, touya leans back, keeping your thighs in place so you can’t move away. he’s smirking at you as he answers, “shoto, what is it?”

you can’t hear his brother over the phone. you can only guess snippets of the conversation from touya’s end.

“huh.”

“what for?”

“you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“yeah, yeah, whatever.”

when he finally puts it down, he pulls you close by the chin, a glint of mischief in his grin. “get ready, doll.”

“huh? for what?”

touya gives you a peck on the lips. “family’s visiting, a surprise or whatever. they’re already in the city.”

you blink, praying he’s not being serious and wishing it’s not what you’re thinking. “okay, have fun!”

“and where do you think you’re going?” touya laughs, pulling you back down after you barely got back up.

“go spend some time with them, it’ll be fun.”

“oh i’m sure it’ll be fun,” he smirks, typing something into his phone and sending the message before you can sneak a peek.

you’re almost too scared to ask. but you do. “and why’s that?”

touya chuckles, thinking you’re way too stubborn, playing dumb even if it’ll kill you. but he guesses it’s fine if he has to spell it out for you. “because i wanna re-introduce you.”

“wait, what do you mean?”

with a gentle smile and a poke on your forehead, he looks you in the eyes. “i’m gonna introduce them to my future wife.”

[toomuchracket]

i picture bday party girlie as being like Dramatically hot like the kind of hot where you can literally see heads turning when she walks past… so hot that everyone is like how did He bag Her???

and then flatmate is a girl next door kind of vibe like definitely gorgeous but where hot wouldn’t necessarily be the first descriptor until you see her let loose and you’re suddenly like i would kill myself for one night with her lol.

d word… drop-dead. like ur a goner the second you lay eyes on her. she gives cunty miniskirt and sunglasses strutting through london with her obsessed bf on her arm vibes.

office girlie i think i would beg her to be mean to me and i would like it but also she’d be my best friend. sheer tights and thick thighs and a leather blazer ohh i need her

barista girlie hallway crush… girl you get obsessed with because you always see her around and you can’t believe someone’s that gorgeous but you never go up to her

this didn’t really answer your question bc i think they’re all incredibly hot in different ways but if i Had to pick i think d word is the hottest <3

- heather 🫶

long post we r discussing everyone

the thing about bday party girly is that getting to that level of hotness was a gradual thing - not full ugly duckling transformation, because you were always pretty, but just finding your way in terms of fashion and beauty and discovering the styles you liked best and that suited you really well, and that did wonders for your confidence (which i think is like half the battle of hotness). but it still wavers, and you have a hard time with comparison to others (specifically, the girls you see matty with before you get together) and believing in yourself in regard to anything that isn't your writing ability; this is a leftover from your teenage years, where you'd only ever really get complimented on your brain and your writing and never on your looks, which you know isn't a big deal and it's nice people think you're smart but also... sometimes, when you're 16, you need to hear from someone that isn't your mum or your girls that you look nice lol. but you persevered with both writing and the style search, and it worked out well - one of the first things matty said when you guys were first introduced was "i've read your work! and i don't think it's fair that writing so good can come from someone so attractive. not fair at all", and when you realised that there was no punchline, that he actually meant it (he really did. he thought you were gorgeous)... yeah. we know what happened next

flatmate YES ok like you really are just so pretty and (as we know from pre dating flatmate era) a lot of people think that as is and they fancy you BUT like you said it isn't until you loosen up or you get kinda animated that it really sinks in how sexy you actually are. like, matty's already excited to be sat next to you the first time you meet, but it isn't until you roll your eyes and say something sarky and smirk that he properly becomes enamoured; when you're yapping with some other people during a break and you start ripping into a boy who said something really stupid or mean or whatever... yeah, matty's a goner (he really would kill himself for one night with you lol). such a fun couple, the two of you, because you're both aware of how hot you are - i mean, you both have your moments of insecurity, we all do, but you're generally very self-assured. and it's hot to see. very

d word... so fucking true. and you don't know it! you're too busy doing 5 million things at once to pay attention to people Wanting you, and all your self-care beauty regimes/pilates/buying nice clothes is really for nobody but yourself, because - eldest daughters rise up - you're really the only person who takes care of you. and then matty happens, and you like him so much you let your guard down a bit and relax, and suddenly you have someone else who takes care of you so naturally it's kinda overwhelming, someone else who makes a point of proving to you just how beautiful you are, someone else you want to look nice for, someone else who loves you and appreciates you and is almost unhealthily obsessed with you; he's never not clinging to you, as if you'll disappear the second he lets you go, and never not looking at you like you're the most precious thing in the world. you kinda are, to him, though

office girly - coolest person alive i fear. kinda like flatmate in that you know you're hot, even without the myriad of incredible outfits you've painstakingly put together; i do think you're the best dressed of the tmr girls, actually. anyway! THE body - soft curves, long legs (thick thighs save lives), hips that matty wants to (and has, actually) take a bite of, possibly the best arse in london, and we've all read tiny bikini so we know what your boyfriend thinks about your tits lol. there's a running joke in your relationship that the reason matty (art critic) fancies you is because you're built like the girls in Classical art, which he denies like "not true! you have nicer boobs" lmfao little freak. people are a little bit surprised when the two of you get together, because he's so shy and quiet and weird and you aren't, but holy shit do you look good together - i think you skew slightly on the edgy side of the fashion scale, so literally you and matty (when he loses the cardigans) are kinda the hot alt couple everyone dreams about. also yes heather she would be your best friend she's so sound!!

barista girly is very reminiscent of the girl who got on the same tube as me at westminster station a year ago and had a striped shirt tucked into flared jeans and pointed stilettos on and the most flawless straightened ponytail i have ever seen - chic as fuck, and you see her on public transport ONCE and think about her forever. intimidating, but so alluring, and if anyone actually plucked up the courage to talk to you they would learn you're lovely and also kinda a massive flirt; that is, until you meet someone you really REALLY like (matty) and you get really quite shy and soft. that said, before you meet him, you do Fuck (people of all genders), and actually you (and your strap) are responsible for a really quite massive amount of Best Sexual Encounter stories, so you're very known for being sexy lol - incredible energy matching going on between you and matty, actually. like, it should technically be a sad day for everyone else when you and matty get together, but you just work so well and look so incredible together that everyone's like. yeah ok this makes sense. yeah, you're gorgeous

[nanabansama]

Hi hi! why do you think Tsukasa kisses Nene ? do you think he likes her ? Do you think Nene will start to like Tsukasa after this ?

Hi! You're in luck actually, because I have been thinking very heavily about Tsukasa and Nene's relationship recently and have some #thoughts. (Err, but who hasn't been thinking about them, honestly...?)

Okay, so you're wondering if Tsukasa likes Nene, why he kissed her, and if Nene will start to like him... let's see...

First, do I think he likes her...? Well, I wouldn't say that's completely off the table yet. Look at how happy he gets after kissing her:

Cute, right?! I think saying something like... "he's in LOVE with her"... might be a bit too grandiose, but it's definitely giving off the vibes of a kiddy crush, at least. And like with any kiddy crush, he has a precocious way of showing it.

Consider: him offering her food...

...Leaning in really close to her face while her eyes are closed...

...I mean, it's not totally impossible, right? He even invites her on a PLAY DATE.

Haha, but to be real with you, I am having a bit of trouble believing he has an actual crush on her myself. It's certainly a lower priority to him than getting the Yorishiro destroyed and accomplishing his goals, anyway.

I'm also going to discount any instances of Tsukasa getting annoyed with the reverted child form of Nene as proof that he doesn't like her, because I think it's kind of ridiculous to expect any hypothetical crush he has to stay intact when she starts acting like this:

All this to say, don't let anyone tell you that Tsunene is fake or anything. I personally am undecided on it, leaning more towards Tsukasa not having a crush, but I could just as easily believe he has a small crush on her, too.

So, if Tsukasa doesn't have a crush on Nene, then why would we kiss her? Well...

Honestly, sometimes? I don't think Tsukasa really thinks much before doing things. Not always, of course...! But remember, this is the guy who just randomly decided that he was going to swim to Los Angeles:

I hope this isn't too lackluster of an answer, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Tsukasa only did it... just because! Maybe he saw Amane kissing her and wanted to copy him. Maybe he thought it'd be a funny prank, kissing her when he knows she likes Amane and Amane likes her. Remember, Tsukasa has never been above pulling pranks on his brother or his assistant.

Need I remind you that he tried to eat her?

He's just a bit... mysterious. The comparisons people make of him to an animal or toddler are not completely unwarranted. Still, he is a scheming 13-year-old ghost that has proven levels of intellect and cruelty on par with other members of the cast. It's best not to underestimate him too much... I just really can't see any benefit to kissing Nene other than getting a laugh out of it. Or, potentially, a little treasure for himself! ❤️

Finally, you asked if Nene would fall in love with him... this is actually my favorite part of the ask, because I considered how likely this was to happen and surprised myself with where my mind went, lmao.

The first thing we need to remember about Nene is that she is described as, and demonstrably is, a girl in love with love. She LIVES for romance. (Just keep this in mind always. It might even be the most important part of her character, idk.)

Now, not only is Tsukasa an identical clone to the boy she loves--the boy she's planning on asking to be her BOYFRIEND soon, mind you--but she sees the potential!!! She literally had an entire daydream about him showing up to be Hanako's "rival" for her love.

While she's very clearly still loyal to Hanako, take note of the fact that she made both of the twins look taller and more handsome in the daydream. This could be proof she finds him physically attractive. ...That being said, she seems more into the fact that Tsukasa is into her than anything else... but can you really blame her? She's always dreamed of being popular with boys. To have TWO boys be madly in love with her is something straight out of her wildest fantasies.

Okay, but you know what's kinda funny? This whole... "Taller Twins" fantasy... is um... kind of happening right now?!

While the height difference is obviously greater than the one between her and the Fantasy Tsukasa, it's still hilarious that this is even happening. And, while Tsukasa hasn't exactly been the best babysitter for Nene so far...

...she is having a ton of fun with him!!!

Also, I haven't brought this up yet, but during The Misaki Stairs Arc, Nene brings up having had a crush on her Kindergarten teacher. Is it so unrealistic that Nene might end up getting a crush on Tsukasa, too? Especially for a girl who falls in love so easily?

Well, if not, I'm still expecting her to be totally enchanted by Hanako if she happens to meet him when she's still a child, lol. Could you imagine how cool he would look to 5-year-old Nene, coming to save her?! She already thinks he looks cool when they're at their typical height difference!

JUST IMAGINE HOW STARSTRUCK SHE WOULD BE, NOW THAT HE'S SEVERAL FEET TALLER...!! Crazy.

Anyway. To summarize: I think Tsukasa could have a crush on Nene, I think Tsukasa either kissed her just because or because he has a kiddy crush on her, and I think Baby Nene could develop a crush on Tsukasa. Thanks for the ask!

[autistook]

Okay so, I’m on anon because we’ve had 0 interaction previously and while I love your blog and do really want to get to know you better, I feel like you just need support rn.

Im going to share a little bit about my journey to see if it sounds a bit familiar to you (even if it doesn’t, that’s alright too!!). A bit about me: I’m a lesbian who that she was bi for ~8 years when I was young(er) and still figuring it out, because I knew I liked women but never seriously considered whether I actually liked men and just took it as a default that I did. I also sort of mentally tried to train myself into liking men via celebrity crushes etc. (something I know few of my gay guy friends also did in fear of not being bi), but obviously it didn’t work. I never actually slept with a man, but that’s more because whenever an opportunity would present itself I’d come up with a million excuses not to and less because I didn’t seriously consider it and I did feel like I wanted to. A lot of my thinking came down to me not being repulsed by the idea of having sex with a dick and instead actively fantasising about it. I thought that meant that I was *cured* as it were, and therefore couldn’t be a lesbian. When I got over that mental hurdle, I sort of realised that yeah, sex with a dick would be hot, but sex with a dick that’s a strap CONNECTED TO A WOMAN? 1000x hotter. And yeah, like you, I never really felt the same level of romantic attachment to the men in my life.

One thing I do want to say is that obviously for LGBT+ people it’s very common to view us getting to know ourselves better as a crisis, and it definitely feels like that. When I thought I was bi I didn’t really come out or anything and tried to keep my romantic life very seperate (partly because I did deep down think the label was off for me, but also yknow, that deep deep shame of internalised homophobia). BUT, it didn’t feel like a crisis in the same way realising I was a lesbian did. I think comphet really does mess with you mentally and it was pretty hard for me to come to terms with the fact that not only did I like women, but I didn’t like men. Once I did, I felt happier than I ever had in my life and I’m out and proud!! I think it might be worth thinking about why we articulate these things as a crisis to begin with and question what are the barriers in your own head preventing you from fairly considering the possibility you’re a lesbian.

On liking non-binary people, I sometimes feel guilty for finding nb people attractive when I’m a self-professed lesbian and they do not identify as a woman. But it’s not because I see them as women? It doesn’t stop me from calling myself a lesbian, however. Sexuality is complex and nuanced, but being attracted to an nb person now and then doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m a lesbian.

I hope this helps!!! Sometimes there isn’t a simple answer to these things and there doesn’t need to be. Labels are helpful, but not when they box you in or prevent you from finding yourself. I think the first step is to really think long and hard (lol) about why this is a crisis for you and what will change if you are lesbian.

Either way, remember to love yourself first and foremost and know there will always be sapphic sisters out here cheering you on 🌈❤️🏳️‍🌈

this helped a lot and made me shed a few tears. ♡

definitely a big part of me has always gone for men in relationships because it's "the norm" and makes stuff "easier".

I've always preferred women. that I do know.

I remember when me and some other girls from my class had a movie night and we talked about sex, and I said something like "I always get the ick when I think about penis and men" because I thought it was how everyone thought about it. everyone looked at me weird and turns out, I was the only one in our group who thought that lol

[angryaromantics]

hi. i need help. i understand you're not a professional so i hope this isn't too heavy but i've been needing and needing to talk to someone about my internalized arophobia and never had a real chance to do it.

anyways, i've been really lost and hopeless over the past couple years because of my aromanticism. identifying as demiromantic was a cover, but even when i thought that was the full extent of my place on the aro spectrum, i hated how hard that made it to find romantic love. now i know better and think i'm probably a lot closer to fully aromantic than i thought, and by extension i'd be cupioromantic too. i've forced crushes before, since i knew they came so rarely. that ended in repulsion and an inability to communicate it just about every time. it sucked. it still sucks.

the thing that makes me feel alone is that i haven't seen anyone else in the aro community express how i feel, and those i have are saying that i shouldn't talk about it since it's technically still arophobia, even if it's towards myself, and could hurt other arospec people. then they go on to say that it's just amatonormativity and something i can get over. but i don't want to!! i know that i want a fulfilling relationship!! i'm frustrated and it feels like an erasure of how i feel!!

i'm sure it'll be damning and maybe offensive to say this but i feel like i need to be fixed and i wish i could fix myself. my desires don't match with my real attraction and it leads me to believe i'm broken in a somehow unique way. i guess it'd be nice to find a community of other cupio-aligned people and build pride for who i am, but i'm just depressed because that won't solve my problem. who i am isn't who i want to be, and i can't change that or better it in any way. i'm hurting because of it. i fear my activity in sapphic spaces is just performative since i'll never actually be sapphic, or straight, or anything. why bother if i'll never know that experience and have the happy endgame with another girl that i truly do want? am i even really bi? could i just be a lesbian if i only experience sexual attraction to girls but no other type to any other group of people? or am i just clinging onto any other orientation label to deny that i'm aromantic and don't belong in the LGB parts of queer spaces? i hate this.

thanks for letting me vent. sorry this is so long. thanks for running your blog, i really appreciate it.

Hi, anon - I apologize, I've found this in my drafts folder, and I have absolutely no idea how long it's been there. Hopefully not too long, but either way, I'm sorry I missed it.

I think the first thing is, I don't believe feelings are ever the incorrect response. You can't control your emotions. If being aromantic makes you feel negative feelings, that's okay. It's normal even. I definitely felt that way for many years, and occasionally slip into it now. I don't think it much matters if it's internalized arophobia or amatanormativity, because either way, the effect it has on you is the same.

I will say, I think the aro community has sort of over-corrected in the way we deal with negativity surrounding aromanticism. I feel like, not even that many years ago, it was rampant. A LOT of the posts, a lot of the talk, was about a lack, of what we're missing out on, etc. Especially once the big aphobia boom around here. And I think people took that, and about faced it so that negativity isn't deemed acceptable by a lot of people. I disagree with this, just fundamentally. I think talking through the negativity you feel toward your orientation can help you work through that negativity. It can also help you find like-minded people, and feeling less alone will probably make you feel less negativity.

I do think it's a dangerous line to walk, though. Because it's easy to tip over into All negativity in such insular communities, and that can honestly be dangerous for everyone's mental health.

I hope you find some peace. I hope you come into yourself. I hope things settle, as they often do with time. I'm sorry none of this has an easy fix. I hope writing it down and getting it off your chest helped. There's nothing wrong with you, and you belong here <2

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey, so it seems that everyone is coming out to you so I though why not.

I’m not entirely sure if I’m Pansexual or Bi or something else entirely and honestly it’s kinda confusing (I’m female btw). I mean I don’t rly care abt gender but I find myself attracted to females ALOT more. So yeah idk. Maybe gender does make a difference. But then I don’t like the label Bisexual because it implies that you are attracted to males and females only and not people outside of that.

And also when it comes to coming out to people I kinda feel stuck. What do I say? All of my friends know (they’re also queer) but we never really came out to each other we all just kinda were like “hey! that girl looks good” and went along being gay af. But bc we all just knew abt each other we never really talked abt sexualities and stuff.

And on top of that I’m fairly sure my parents wouldn’t be supportive and no one I know irl can relate to that bc all of my friends parents are accepting.

I feel like I’m complaining over nothing. Im sorry 😫😫. But still love yah and hope you have a nice day 🫶

Hi! <3

I actually can relate to this first part SO much (as far as pan versus bi). When you say you don't care about gender, that sounds like pan to me. But then you say you have a preference, so is that still pan? I've wondered that for myself.

Here's what I have realized: Firstly, YOU are the person who decides who you are, so whatever label feels best (or none at all) is totally fine, even if it doesn't match someone else's definition. However, for me, I think it helped to think of sexual attraction as different than romantic attraction.

For example, perhaps you can find yourself sexually attracted to someone regardless of their gender. BUT, romantically, you prefer girls? To me, that would still be pan, but perhaps you are homoromantic (meaning you only enjoy romantic relationships with the same gender).

Or it could be that you could possibly see yourself both sexually attracted to someone regardless of gender and having a romantic relationship with someone regardless of gender- you just are more likely to want those things with girls. That's okay, too, and could still be considered pan! It's okay to have preferences!

To make this more simplistic, if we stick to a gender binary (which we shouldn't, obviously, but let's do it for a second for simplicity's sake)- a traditionally bisexual person is rarely attracted to boys and girls at a 50/50 split. Maybe they like girls 70 percent of the time and boys 30 percent of the time. That doesn't make them any less bisexual. So, the same holds true with pan. Maybe you mostly see yourself with girls, but also think boys are pretty cool, and nonbinary people are sometimes attractive, and agender people can sometimes be cute, etc, etc.

All of this to say, pick whatever label feels good to you (or none at all! I also frequently just say to people that I'm queer.)

As far as coming out, I think some people are under the impression that it has to be a big thing. It only has to be a big thing if you want it to be. It seems like your friends already know that you're not straight. If that's all you want to say, you don't owe them any more of an explanation or a label.

BUT if you want to come out, go ahead! Sounds like they'll be supportive, so remind yourself that they are safe for you and bring it up in a more intentional way. "Hey, I have a crush on this girl, what do you think?" or "Hey, so you know I'm not straight, right? It's cool that we all are so accepting of that stuff." I think you'll find your friends will be receptive, since they're not straight, either.

As far as your parents, that's trickier. It sounds like you still live with them, so coming out to possibly unaccepting people who have control over you can be sticky. If it were me, I would first do a bit of testing. Mention queerness in a hypothetical way or in a "I know someone who..." way. See how they react. If they react positively, you could start dropping hints. If they react negatively, consider the pros and cons to telling them. Is it worth it to come out because you would be sharing your authentic self? If yes, have a plan if things go poorly. Have a support system to talk to and to go to. If you find that it's not worth it, there's no shame in that, either.

But it's important to know you are NOT complaining over nothing. This is tough stuff and it's hard to navigate.

I'm here to talk if you need me! <3

[marblecakemix]

Lesbian anon from the other blog here 😅

My question is a bit... Too much, I guess, and I understand if you don't feel comfortable answering. So... I figured I was bisexual (?) when I was around the age of 13. I finally understood that what I felt towards other girls and women was actually sexual attraction and things made sense. I had never really felt attracted to boys or men when I was younger — my walls were covered in posters of only female celebrities and I kind of forced myself to have "crushes" on boys because of my friends. As a preteen, I kissed boys and tried to enjoy it, but it felt so pointless and dry... By that time, I hadn't kissed any girls yet. But when I was 14, I was sexually assaulted by a much older man, which made my mind a terrifying place to live in. After that, I finally had experiences with other girls and really enjoyed it, craved it, felt good about it, so I know that I am indeed attracted to women (I still feel this way). But with men (and boys, when I was younger – I'm in my early 20s now), it was just me trying to enjoy it, you know? I had sex twice with men and I didn't feel attracted to them at all. It wasn't only dull, but also unpleasant. But I still kept trying to force myself to be with men. When I talked about this issue of mine with people (even the ones who said were not homophobic), they just say that it's because the "right man for me" is still out there and all that shit. But, really, I don't want anything to do with men. I hate kissing them, having sex with them, touching and being touched by them, I hate their smell and the texture of their skin. When my straight or bisexual female friends show me pictures of the men they find attractive (usually shirtless or only wearing underwear), I feel nothing. It's very different from when I look at photos of women I find attractive, even if they're dressed in the photo. What has been bothering me the most is that I don't know if I'm a lesbian or if I just dislike men because I suffered sexual trauma. I know that the label is not really that important, but I wouldn't want to be disrespectful towards actual lesbians when saying that I am a lesbian while not being entirely sure of it. Also... I have two questions:

First, is it normal for people to just chalk it up to being bisexual when a woman is wondering if she's a lesbian?

Second, is it normal for lesbians to find some men attractive, but not in a sexual way? Like just consider a man good looking, but not wanting to have anything to do with him.

I'm so sorry for the long ask!! I didn't know how to make it shorter 😭💖

It's quite alright my love! I hear you and I myself kissed two guys in my life (when I was 12-13) and was pretty sure I had a crush on one, but as you wrote, I felt nothing for any of those guys. My first true love was my girl friend and from then on I would call myself asexual (I didn't feel sexual attraction to men and I repressed my attraction to women, bc I was raised catholic) and tried to fall for men, but all of them were so ugly and looking at them did nothing to me. Only after 4-5 years from my first crush (1-2 years since now) I understood I'm in fact attracted to women very much xd. I think that most lesbians go through this phase of trying to fit in a heteronormative life, but failing, because surprise, they don't like men. Some recognize it sooner, some later in life.

To answer your questions:

I think that it's more common, yes. Men are perverted creatures and many like to watch and participate in wlw sex. Plus, bisexual women are the most ideal for men, because they can make her have sex with him and fulfill his perversion. Another side to this is that people don't like lesbians, because by definition they most likely won't have children which is a big no no for current society.

I read somewhere a post from a lesbian that lesbians aren't afraid to say that some men's bodies can be appealing, because they are comfortable with their sexuality. I sometimes like to look at muscles/build bodies, no matter to whom they belong, because I want to look like that and that's what I find attractive, but I only feel sexual attraction forwards women.

If it's any help, you can look up the term febfem that bisexual women use to say they are only interested in dating women and see if that makes you feel comfortable. From what I'm reading, I think that you're a lesbian with internalized homophobia. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what you call yourself. It's of course easier to find similar people, but you can always say that you're only looking for girls to spend a night and life with and that'll be fine too. If other people have a problem with it, fuck them.

I hope that I helped in some way 💕

[smoshsfavoritepizzaplace]

I’m aroace but for a long time I thought I was bi lol. As a kid, I had “crushes” because other girls in school would ask me about them and I just chose basically at random. Then I’d base how I acted about the crush off of how they acted about their own crushes. The way I viewed it was very much like it was something I HAD to do.

In high school, I realized that I didn’t really feel much of a difference between men and women, so I identified as pan, and then bi. I even identified as demiromantic and/or demisexual at one point, but people kind of bullied me out of it on Twitter lol. But my reasoning that I was bi was also reinforced by a queerplatonic crush I had on one of the boys in my friend group (I think if I’d thought about doing ACTUALLY romantic stuff with him, I would have been grossed out) and a celebrity crush (based on just aesthetic attraction and admiration, really) that I had on Lauren Lopez from Starkid.

The thing is, I even had friends that were aroace at the time, but I never considered that I could be aroace myself for some reason. What made me realize that I was aroace was being in a summer relationship with the guy from my friend group that I mentioned lol. My parents and friends pressured me into going along with it, despite my uncertainties, and I was just… so miserable lol

It forced me to think about a lot of things, and I realized that I wasn’t just uncomfortable being in a relationship with him, I’d be uncomfortable being in a relationship with ANYBODY. I just didn’t think about it before because I was too focused on meeting other people’s expectations of me. And then the ace part was just easy to figure out after that.

Eventually I came to terms with it, my dad didn’t accept it… I feel like I got such an old-fashioned queer experience lol, I was really struggling to accept myself and find representation in media when people around me were trying to convert me from it. It was actually a tough journey.

I’m very glad that in the end, you found a label that you felt actually suited you instead of what suited others. It really does seem it’s difficult to find your perfect identity on your first try. So I definitely will be taking it slow

[emilybrontesghost]

So I’d like to talk about queer experiences today and the discovery of my own identity, because I think talking about these things is important and because I would have wanted to read it because seeing someone’s experience might have helped me. 🤷‍♀️ In short, my evolution as a queer woman I sometimes feel is a bit different from other people’s that I’ve heard. First of all, I didn’t know from a young age. I guess I could technically be classed as a later in life queer woman. I’m only 26, but I do definitely feel older than some people who knew much younger and because society also has this narrative that still persists that if you’re queer, you immediately know it as a young kid. This wasn’t my experience though. I was out of my teens before I really truly knew what was up. I was a fairly sheltered kid and teen so my exposure to queer stuff was pretty limited just because at that time there wasn’t as much like there is now anyway. Also, I didn’t know anybody except a few relatives I didn’t see super often who were queer and didn’t have any friends who were. My best friend growing up was also religious. So I was a boy crazy teen because I was filled with hormones and I loved the fantasy of having a crush. I had posters on my walls of good looking actors and I spent hours on my Pinterest posting pictures of men with beautiful eyes and chiseled cheek bones. Men were foreign, beautiful creatures that were like the stuff of dreams. Pretty much all these men were fictional characters though and celebrities. I didn’t have any guys who were friends and I rarely interacted with boys at all in the real world. For me, the actors I obsessed over were mainly outlets for my physical yearnings.

I remember feeling really lost in my teen years. I liked men, or the idea of them at least, but I did not like myself. I had started to dislike my body. I didn’t like my curves and how my bra size seemed to be getting bigger and bigger. I didn’t like the pressure now that I felt that to be attractive to men I needed to work on my appearance and “make an effort.” Suddenly, love seemed something to compete for, to be purchased at my own expense. I wanted boys to like me so badly but I didn’t know how to make them do so and still see me as me and not just a girl trying to hit on them. I wanted them to really see me. I became so unhappy with myself I started to feel that maybe the only way to get them to love me AND not lose myself was to become one of them. I didn’t want to be their complement, I wanted to be their equal, but that seemed impossible the way things are where women have never been regarded as men’s equals. I felt that the problem must lie with me. I remember crying to my mom about how I was so confused. I wanted to be a boy because I didn’t know how to exist as a girl but really, it felt like there were no good choices. Eventually these feelings of wanting to be a boy faded to the background. After further reflection, I realized that my gender was not the source of my problem and changing it was not the solution.

I had never questioned my sexuality as a teen. I liked boys, at least I was pretty certain I did, but girls never even crossed my mind. In some ways this fact has made me feel a bit alienated from other queer women. I don’t have any school girls crushes that I can look back to as confirmation of who I am the way they can. I don’t have a story of kissing a friend at a sleepover as “practice” for boys or a memory of a game of spin the bottle that I enjoyed a little too much. I’ve actually never kissed anyone to this day, and I’m 26. I had no romantic experience at all, and I assumed I liked men so, ergo, I must be straight. I didn’t really even confront this assumption head-on until I was about 18. This is when I first started to question. I met my first lesbian in a college art class and we began a flirtation that I find myself actually really liking. I liked the attention from her the way I had liked attention from boys in the past. It was flattering. I thought about kissing her to see what it was like. But nothing ever happened. Really, she was not my type and we would have not suited each other, so it was okay, but since I never saw her again after that class, it was easy with her disappearance to put my questioning aside once again. “Surely,” I thought to myself, “if I liked women I would know. I would absolutely know and it would be very obvious.”

More time went by. I turned 21 and I met a guy in one of my English classes. He was handsome and seemed interested in talking to me, something that was in itself unusual. I liked the attention and so we started hanging out. Coffee turned into lunch dates, and the movies. He was cute and I started to wonder if he���d be my first bf and other people thought the same. I thought about kissing him and the idea was nice because he was cute. I didn’t feel anything else for him though. Other than curiosity I didn’t feel affection. I wonder sometimes what would have happened had it happened. But it didn’t. But there was something else that had started to creep in: discomfort. Despite acknowledging he was handsome I was starting to pull away and the prospect of being with him, of him being my bf, became more and more unappealing. While getting ready to go out with him I felt a sense of dread, a desire to just get it over with so I could come back home again. Again, I felt that age old pressure to perform. To make myself small, to make myself palatable for him so he’d like me.

Ultimately, I ghosted him. It became more apparent that even aside from my feelings of discomfort, he and I were completely at odds. We were completely incompatible and I knew this to begin with but pushed it aside because I wanted to give it a chance. Nothing ever happened between us and in retrospect I’m very grateful it didn’t. I was not in a good place mentally at that time also and him being in my life wasn’t helping. It was then though I really decided to tackle my sexuality head-on. Not just by watching the L Word but by interacting with people. I ended up joining an lgbt forum and I started talking with people on there. Being exposed to different experiences was great because for once I was not seeing the rather uniform portrayals of queerness that is all is often seen. I started watching queer movies too. I watched Blue is the Warmest Color and I adored it. I wanted what Emma and Adele had. It was on this forum I met my ex gf which would become the defining relationship of my early twenties. I won’t go into the details of that but suffice to say, I explored my sexuality with her finally in a way I’d previously not been able to. We never met in person but being with her even virtually helped me learn a lot about myself. And I did love her. I loved her so much, and the feelings and emotions I felt were not like ones I had ever had before. I loved her with an intensity that was frightening. When we broke up I was devastated and completely lost. I felt set adrift having now had these new feelings that I didn’t know what to do with and that I felt like I couldn’t share with most people. At least not everyone and not everyone who knew me super well. It was hard.

Now several years out, things have settled down in some ways. Some, not all. I still have moment of self-doubt. I still have moments where I wonder if I’m just a fake and a fraud despite knowing how holding my friend’s hand made me feel. I have moments where I feel like I’m “not queer” enough. I still feel feelings of shame about liking women. I still wonder how my attraction to men works because it’s so based on aesthetics and not on deeper feelings. I’m still working on all these things and waiting on the day I become so confident I don’t feel these negative emotions anymore. I don’t know when that day will be. But I’m trying to learn to be okay with not having all the answers. To sit with the uncertainty and hang on for dear life as I’m buffeted by the seas of confusion. But when I have these moments, I remember the way I felt like I was going to pass out when I wrapped my arms around my friend that I love and how happy being with her made me. And for that moment, that one tiny moment, all the fears float away.

[contralto]

just gonna do the whole april tc challenge in one sitting (instead of homework for an unrelated class. lol.)

Day 1: Happy April Fool’s! Have you ever pranked your TC; if so, how did they react? on halloween last year (this was before my dumb ass realized i liked him) the entire choir hid in our rehearsal hall with the lights off a few minutes before class and when he walked in i said "play with us, 💎" in a creepy little-girl-in-a-horror-movie voice

Day 2: What is the earliest thing you can remember about your TC? apparently i met him when i was playing percussion at a choir performance several years ago but i have no memory of that. lmao. i do remember thinking his tattoo sleeves were cool when i met him on the first day of me actually being in one of his classes

Day 3: Do you like your TC’s subject? Do you consider yourself to be good at it? he teaches choir and private voice lessons and i am a voice major soooo... i fucking HOPE i'm good at it

Day 4: How do you feel about your age gap? i'm 26 so i'm not super young, but even then he's still twice my age. i've liked fictional characters almost three times my age before so it doesn't feel super weird, but he's definitely the oldest Real Actual Person i've crushed on

Day 5: Have you ever said anything to your TC that showed you favoured them? Have they said anything like that to you? he's one of the only teachers i've ever given multiple gifts to and gift giving is my love language (when i can afford it) so i think it's a bit obvious. he's pretty nice to everyone but he just seems to be extra considerate of my feelings and really encouraging to me, i feel like i might be a favorite 🙊

Day 6: Have you ever noticed any small habits that they have? If so, what comes to mind first? in another class i have with him, he tends to look around the room at each student when he's lecturing. sometimes we lock eyes and i feel my heart do a little flip

Day 7: What gift would you really like to be able to give them, regardless of if it’s realistic or not? gladiolus flowers. they're his favorite but they're expensive and not easy to find

Day 8: Does your TC ever talk about what it was like when they were still a student? oh yeah. he has a doctorate so he has lots of years of college to talk about

Day 9: Does your TC have a significant other? If so, what do you know about them and how do you feel about them? he has a boyfriend who is autistic and apparently likes to discuss geeky stuff with him. i'm not really jealous but sometimes i do think to myself "hey, i'm autistic and geeky too, where's my kiss"

Day 10: What is the longest time you have gone without seeing them? about a month (winter break) right after i realized i had a crush on him. it was a little rough. but man he's gonna be traveling for most of summer break and i probably won't see him for 3 months and i am trying not to think about that :(

Day 11: What do other people usually think about them? nobody else likes him romantically, but the other voice students really appreciate him and think he's cool

Day 12: Do you often make up excuses to speak to them? What kinds of excuses do you like to use? i don't really make excuses but sometimes if i have questions for him i will space them out a bit so i get to visit him in his office multiple times

Day 13: Other than the subject they teach, what are they really passionate about? doctor who (specifically 10. good taste), star trek, literature of all sorts, and english culture

Day 14: What is a skill you really wish your TC had? being attracted to me LMAO

Day 15: Which MBTI personality do you think they are? (cutting out the other part because i want nothing to do with that t*rf) i don't know a lot about mbti but i think we're both ambiverts. he's more of a thinker than a feeler but he's also very compassionate so that's a hard one to judge too. the other two i really cannot decide

Day 16: If you could go back in time and choose, would you still choose to develop feelings for your TC? if anything i'd choose to develop them earlier because i was in denial for months

Day 17: If it was the last time you would ever be able to see your TC, what is one thing you would never leave without saying to them? i love you. thank you for being so supportive and encouraging. you've changed my life and my personality for the better and i can't thank you enough.

Day 18: When was the first time you cried because of them? never cried over him but that last prompt got me a bit misty eyed

Day 19: How well do you think you know them? he's pretty open about certain aspects of his private life so i'd say i know him fairly well and if things continue like this i think i'm gonna get to know him even better!

Day 20: Do you ever lie to them? About what? i don't think i've ever intentionally lied to him but does physically restraining myself from saying lovey-dovey shit count?

Day 21: What is the longest time you have spent together with them? i think it's gonna be next monday because i have one class with him in the morning, then we're grabbing coffee between classes, then another class in the afternoon, and then a private lesson right after

Day 22: If you have had other TCs in the past (or right now), how are they similar to or different from your current (or primary) TC? he's the only major tc i've ever had. i was a little into my chem teacher in high school (he was older and scruffier than 💎) and i had a crush on a female teacher shortly after my bi awakening in middle school, but i absolutely was not this level of smitten

Day 23: Have you ever seen your TC in clothes they don’t usually wear? Casual clothes if they usually wear formal attire or the other way around? he's usually like, polo and jeans casual, but he wears a nice suit for our concerts and godddddd what a snack

Day 24: When was the last time they made your heart thump? today when we rescheduled coffee and he put it in his phone calendar to make sure he had no other scheduling conflicts this time

Day 25: How do you think your TC would react if you confided in them when you felt sad or stressed or anxious? that is literally the reason he asked me to coffee, so uh, that

Day 26: What is the best dream you have had of them? i don't think i've ever dreamt of him, not any that i can remember anyway

Day 27: What is the saddest/scariest dream you have had of them? see above

Day 28: Does your TC ever bring you up to other students/teachers that you know of? not that i know of (unless complimenting me in front of all my other classmates counts) but i wouldn't put it past him. god knows i bring him up to other people a lot

Day 29: Do you see them as being a romantic person? Are you? i mean he has a boyfriend so he must be at least a little romantic. as for me i'm definitely a romantic person but when i'm in actual relationships it has tended to cross the border into obsession so i'm staying away from dating til i can get that sorted out

Day 30: How have they changed since you two first met? How have you changed? he's really taken a liking to me. hehehe... as for me i've gotten significantly less shy and i've changed a lot of my bad singing habits. i like to think we've changed each other for the better

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

I know this will be a bit of personal thing to ask and you are free to ignore this if you don't feel like answering, but im just genuinely curious what's your sexual orientation ?? And are you a part of the lgbtq+ community ?? Once again you don't have to answer if you don't want to

Ahhhh well uhhhh maybe???

[corrodedcorpses]

This is so wrong. Part ii.

Pairing: Steve x Eddie x reader / Steddie x reader

Summary: Steve Harrington has a massive crush on his two best friends, Eddie Munson and you (Eddie’s girlfriend). He’s tried his best to hide his feelings but what happens when you both catch him in a very vulnerable position.

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

Warnings: Smut (18+), jerking off, voyeurism (or at least mentions of previous voyeurism), language, perv!Steve, mentions of previous panty stealing, ring/hand kink, perv!Eddie, kind of perv!reader. Dom! Eddie, Sub! Steve, Sub!Reader, Face riding (female receiving), Oral (male and female receiving), overstimulation, Dacryphilia, Eddie being a little mean, but also kinda nice and also not being able to shut up.

Word count: 4.5k

a/n: Part 2 of “This is so wrong”! Thank you to everyone who requested this and for all the love on the first part. Hope you enjoy! As always, any feedback or thoughts are greatly appreciated!

Let me know if anyone would like a part 3!

“Whatcha doing in here Harrington?” 

The question cuts through Steve like a knife, his eyes flying open at the sound of Eddies voice. He’s met with the older man, standing over him beside his bed. And not just Eddie, but past him you’re standing in his doorway. He’s suddenly very aware of how naked he is, with his still hard cock in his hand, his cum all over himself with the fake Eddie rings still around his fingers and your panties still in his left hand. Steve couldn’t seem to move, fear and shame holding him in place as he stared up at Eddie’s dark gaze in shock. 

Slowly Eddie knelt down beside him. “I asked you a question” Eddie warned, “what are you doing in here?” 

“I- uh, nothing, I mean ah not nothing I was just ah, you know um-“ Steve tried, but what was he supposed to say? I’m jerking myself off to the thought of you two because god I find you both so attractive and I can’t stop thinking about you and I have a giant crush on you both and I dunno I might even be in love with you both but who knows so I went out and bought 3 rings because they look similar to yours and oh also your girlfriend left her panties here and instead of returning or throwing them I kept them and smell them pretending it’s her riding my face as I pretend my hand is you jerking me off. Yeah, he definitely can’t say that. 

“Nothing?” the older man questions. “Because to me it seems like you’ve gone and bought some cheap knock offs of my rings to wear as you jerk yourself off. Hmm?” 

Steve doesn’t reply. 

“And seems to me,” Eddie continues, “that you’ve stolen a pair of my girl’s panties, cause I sure as hell remember them, used ta be my favourite pair too,” he taunts. 

Steve can feel himself shrinking under Eddie’s gaze, wishing the bed would open up and swallow him whole. Anything to get away from Eddie’s dark accusing gaze, the shame settling in the pits of Steve stomach, but also, unfortunately, his dick. It jumps ever so slightly as Eddie accuses him. Which he hopes goes unnoticed by the metalhead. It doesn’t. 

“Looks to me like King Steve is actually a bit of a fucking perv huh?” Eddie continues. Loving the way Steve is reacting to his taunting.

Eddie slowly sits down resting a hand on Steve’s thigh. Steve’s breath stops as he looks down at Eddie’s ring covered hand on his thigh. So close to where he actually wants it. Steve doesn’t dare to move.

“Do you feel ashamed Steve?” Eddie asks, as he grips Steve’s thigh tighter. Steve only makes a quiet choked sound in reply, voice suddenly lost.

“Or maybe,” Eddie continues, “you’d wished we’d find you, huh perv?”

Steve’s dick twitches.

“Ohhhh” Eddie taunts, “that’s it isn’t?”

Eddie leans forward. Invading Steve’s space even more. He’s so close to Steve’s face and Steve wants nothing more to lean forward and capture Eddie’s lips between his own. “You’d secretly hoped we’d find you laid out like this, whimpering our names, hoping we’d come in and watch your pervy little display, huh?”

“Yes,” Steve whimpers.

Suddenly Eddie stands and Steve’s sure he’s about to walk out. He has to fix this; he can’t lose you both because he was a creepy fuck who couldn’t stop thinking about fucking his best friends. “Eddie, wait. I’m – I’m so sorry I- “, Steve starts to say but is cut off by Eddie shushing him.

He closes his mouth obediently, feeling like he might cry. He knows there’s nothing he could say that would stop you both from leaving now, from hating him, he starts to accept the fact that he’ll probably never get to hang out with you both ever again.

Suddenly, as Eddie starts to walk towards the door, he stops. Instead sitting on the edge of Steve’s bed. Steve looks at him with wide confused eyes as Eddie stares back with a dark expression that Steve doesn’t understand. You understand, however, you’ve seen that look on Eddie’s face many times. Steve, and probably you, are really in for it now.

Eddie turns to you with his hand out, beckoning you to him. It takes you a couple seconds to remember how to move your legs but the look in Eddie’s face forces you to move forward. You grab his hand as he gently pulls you to sit next to him at the end of the bed.

“Now,” He starts, “we’re gonna help Stevie here feel good. Gonna give ‘im a taste of the real thing, would you like that sweetheart?” Eddie asks sweetly. You flick your gaze to Steve and for the first time since this whole ordeal started, your eyes meet. His pupils are blown out and filled with lust and shame. He looks completely fucked out already and you can’t deny how your legs clench and your panties soak at how desperate and flushed he looks.

“Don’t try to deny it baby,” Eddie continues, you look back at him and he holds your gaze. His hand coming up to cup your jaw, absentmindedly running his thumb over you jaw and bottom lip. He leans in, voice a low teasing whisper, “I felt the way you were grinding against me before. Saw those pretty thighs clenching together too” he teases. Steve starts to squirm, suddenly remembering the fact that only minutes ago both you and Eddie had watched him cum, whimpering both your names. The embarrassment starts to grow even more than Steve thought possible.

“So?” Eddie asks slightly harsher, growing impatient.

“Yes sir,” you finally breathe out. “Wanna help you make Stevie feel good” you say, head slightly hanging as your cheeks flush. Embarrassed at how turned on this is making you.

Steve’s dick jumps at your obedience, wishing you’d call him Sir too. But he knows he’s in no place to ask or expect anything like that right now. Hell, he’s just happy neither of you have left yet and the fact that he might even be touched by both of you, he can’t believe it. 

“Good girl,” Eddie coos, and Steve thinks he could pass out from how turned on he is by your interaction. Eddie leaves the end of the bed and comes to sit next to Steve again.

“Hands by your sides,” Eddie orders Steve. Steve realises he’s still got his dick in one hand and your panties in the other, frozen in the same place since Eddie walked into the room. He quickly throws your panties on the bedside table and drops his hands to his sides.

“Now don’t you dare move,” Eddie warns.

“Yes sir,” Steve replies before he can stop himself. He’s about to start apologising until he sees Eddie’s lips start to curl up in a slight smile.

“Good,” Eddie praises. It goes straight to Steve’s dick. It’s not as sweet or filled with the same pride as when Eddie praised you, but it motivates him to be as good as possible in hopes that Eddie might praise him as sweetly.

Eddie’s fingers ghost up the side of Steve’s thigh and over the length of his dick. It jumps as the feather light touch and Steve musters everything in him to not squirm or buck up. Slowly Eddie starts to apply more pressure and it has Steve whimpering already.

Eddie chuckles degradingly at Steve’s eagerness, finally gripping the base of his dick. Steve can feel Eddie’s rings against the soft skin, and he thinks he must’ve died and gone to heaven with how divine they feel. So much better than doing it to himself. Eddie slowly starts to pump Steve’s cock and Steve’s already a moaning, whimpering mess.

“Yeah perv?” Eddie mocks, “this what you were needing?”.  

“Yes Sir,” Steve moans, “feels so- fuck, goooooood.”

Eddie turns to you while still slowly pumping Steve. “Come sit on the other side of him pretty girl” he calls. You obey, coming to sit on the other side of Steve. You watch Eddie’s hand thrust up and down on his dick, trying to ignore the ache between your legs at the sight and the sounds Steve was making. Eddie’s barely even touched him and he’s already such a mess for him, you think.

“Give her your cheap knock offs,” he orders Steve, nodding to the rings still around his fingers. He shakily removes all three of them and places them in your palm. His hand lingers there, and you stroke your thumb over the top of his hand reassuringly. He stares up at you with a look of adoration and lust. You can feel your panties flood at the sight.

Eddie watches the exchange, hating how much he loves how sweet you are. Even after you both caught Steve being a total creep, you’re still being so soft with him. He hates even more how his dick reacts to it.

“Put them on,” Eddie demands, growing impatient. You jump slightly at his voice, dropping Steve’s hand and rushing to slide the rings over you fingers. They don’t quite fit your tiny fingers, but this weirdly turns both the boys on even more.

Eddie then holds the hand that was jerking off Steve out to you. This causes Steve to let out a sound in protest but its quickly shut up by the warning look Eddie gives him.

You place your hand in Eddie’s, letting him guide you over to Steve’s cock. You grab it and Eddie places his hand on top of yours, fingers in between yours, as he starts to move both of your hands along the length.

Steve’s dick feels heavy in your hands. It’s so soft and so hard. You’re mesmerised by Eddie’s hand around yours, both stroking Steve’s dick. He’s leaking so much precum and you wish you could lean down and lick it. Have the musty, salty taste invade your mouth. But you wouldn’t dare, not unless Eddie tells you to.

Steve is an absolute mess. He’s moaning, whimpering, and begging a mix of profanities and your names repeatedly. He’s trying his hardest not to buck up into your hands, wishing you’d both go faster. Every so often he loses control and slightly thrusts up, but Eddie lets it slide as he’s not even sure the other man knows he’s doing it.

Steve knows it’s so wrong to want more in this situation. He knows he’s the luckiest man alive that you two haven’t cursed his name and left, but with Eddie fulfilling his part of Steve’s fantasy he can’t help but wish you would fulfill yours.

Steve lets out a groan that sounds a lot more frustrated than he means. Eddie cocks his head at this. “What’s wrong pretty boy?” Eddie asks with mock sympathy. The pretty boy replaying in Steve’s head. “’s this not living up to ya expectations?” he continues.

“No, NO!” Steve protests quickly, “It’s so good, it’s so, so fucking good.”

“But…?” Eddie questions. Steve doesn’t answer. Eddie lets out a sigh halting both of your hands. Steve’s head shoots up, a mix of confusion and betrayal on his face. Eddie laughs at him condescendingly.

“Be honest with me now Harrington” Eddie warns, “or this is done and we’ll both leave you hanging.”

“It’s just-“ he starts, “I um- when I usually think… of you both… when I’m um… you know… you’re here, doing what you’re doing now, which feels incredible by the way, but she’s usually… um, in a…”

“Different position?” Eddie finishes for him. Steve nods, not meeting your gaze.

“Hmmm, you know I do recall hearing you moaning something about a position when we caught you before. What position was that…?” He questions to himself, bringing the hand not around Steve’s dick up to tap his chin in a fake pensive way. You can’t help but smirk at his cruel but eccentric behaviour. Even while you’ve both got your hands wrapped tightly around Steve’s aching cock.

“Oh!” Eddie pretends to remember, “I’ve got it! I remember you moaning something along the lines of need you to sit on my face, yeah, hop up here. Oh god, you taste so fucking good, you like it when I fuck you with my tongue?” Eddie does in his best whiny Steve voice. Steve’s cheeks flush a dark shade of red, not meeting either of your gazes and you can’t help but think he looks so hot like this.

You can’t help but accidently giggle at Eddie’s impression. The shame of you laughing at him begging for you has Steve’s dick jumping in your hands. You clench your thighs tighter together as you notice.

“What do you think sweetheart,” Eddie asks you, “wanna help Steve live out his full pervy fantasy?” He says the last three words with extra dramatics. You nod sheepishly at this and Steve whimpers at your agreement. You can’t help but feel embarrassed about how much you need to feel Steve’s tongue and lips all over your soaked cunt.

Eddie gives you a dark smile. “Strip,” is all he says, releasing your hand. You stumble off the bed a little too eager and Eddie gives you a smirk at this. You take off the rings, placing them on the bed side table with your panties and quickly strip off the rest of your outfit. After you’ve stripped you look back at the two boys on the bed. Both of them taking in every inch of your body with their eyes. A look of lust and adoration plastered on both their faces, and you’ve never felt hotter and more desirable than you do right now.

You walk towards the top of the bed. Slowly climbing on and over Steve’s face, facing Eddie. Steve helps you get your leg over him and gives you his hands for stability, then quickly returns them to his sides, afraid Eddie will scold him for disobeying. You hover over his face, not daring to lower yourself before Eddie gives you the go ahead.

As you hover above him Steve can’t help but inhale your scent. Groaning at how much stronger the smell is compared to your panties he’s been using.

“Smells so sweet doesn’t she Harrington?” Eddie questions. Steve can only barely whimper out a small yes, too lost in your smell and excitement to just finally taste you. The praise from both the boys goes straight to your core and you’re surprised your arousal hasn’t dripped down on Steve’s face.

Eddie meets your gaze, searching for any sign of discomfort at what’s about to happen. He, of course, finds none and can tell how desperate you are to have Steve on you.

“Give ‘im a taste, Sugar” he finally says. You finally lower yourself enough that Steve can run his tongue along your folds. He groans at the sweet taste of you and ruts up into Eddie’s hand that’s returned to his dick.

You swear Steve has gone mad. His tongue is going crazy below you. He’s licking long desperate stripes up the length of you pussy with the flat of his tongue, then flicking up and circling your clit before going back to long licks. He’s doing that over and over again while being a moaning and whimpering mess.

You whimper and look down when Steve suddenly stops. You’re about to hop off thinking you’ve done something wrong, or Steve’s decided he doesn’t want this anymore but then he asks Eddie in the sweetest most fucked out, weak voice “Can I please touch her Sir?.” Your toes curl at how easily he’s slipped into being obedient for Eddie.

Eddie tries to hold back a sweet smile. Trying to keep up the dominant almost angry demeaner, but it’s hard when Steve’s glancing at him so sweetly from between your legs and asking him so nicely like such a good boy.

“Of course you can my good boy,” Eddie grants him. And this is all Steve needs to hear before his hands are shooting up to wrap around your thighs, forcing you down on to his face. Burying his tongue deep in your cunt. He can’t help but feel proud of himself for getting praised by Eddie how he so desperately wanted to be before.

You cry out at the feeling of Steve’s tongue stretching you out. He licks and fucks your hole and then sticks his tongue down to tease your clit and you can’t help the filthy moans that are pouring out of you. Steve sticks his tongue back, deep in your pussy and slides his hand higher up your thigh so his fingertips can circle your clit.

You grind down on him involuntarily, the pleasure coursing through you as he continues to abuse your hole and clit. You throw your head back, feeling the coil in your core wind tighter and tighter. Steve Harrington was really living up to all the rumours.

Eddie saw how good Steve was making you feel and started to pump Steve even faster. It was bordering on too hard for Steve, but he loved every second of it. Eddie started to palm himself through his jeans at the sight before him. Steve spread out with his hard leaking dick in Eddie’s hand, face buried in your cunt, a mix of your arousal and his spit dripping down his chin, one hand gripping your thigh and the other playing with your clit. And you, sat atop Steve’s face like your very own throne, head thrown back in pleasure, one of your hands gripping Steve’s wrist for stability, the other one twisting one of your nipples. Both of you making the filthiest moans and pleas.

Eddie could definitely get used to this.

You whimpering Eddie’s name took him out of his current thoughts. By the look on your face, he could tell you were close. “What’s wrong pretty girl? You gonna cum all over Stevie’s face?” he cooed. You nodded and whimpered in response, Steve never slowing his actions. “What about you Stevie, you getting close too?” Eddie questioned. He’s pretty sure he saw him nod but he’s also pretty sure Steve’s too far gone to even hear him at this point. But if how much his dick was pulsing in his hand and the steady flow of precum were anything to go by, Steve was very close.

“It’s okay,” he reassured, loving having both of you under so much control, both of you trusting him so much. “Want you both to come,” he continued as he sped up his movements on Steve’s dick even more, “wanna see both my pretty, dirty, little sluts cum for me.”

Eddie’s words were the extra push that sent you over the edge. You gushed around Steve, moaning his and Eddie’s names, the feeling of it and you pulsing sending Steve over the edge too. Steve came for a second time with a choked-out moan, never stopping his actions on your pussy. He came for what felt like hours as he dribbled out all over Eddie’s hands and rings.

After you both recovered from your highs Eddie helped you off Steve’s face with his free hand. Helping you sit in your earlier position on the opposite side of Steve. Eddie then bought his cum covered fingers up to your face. You gladly opened you mouth so Eddie could shove them inside. Lapping and sucking all of Steve’s cum off the digits. You moaned at finally getting a taste of Steve. Eddie’s eyes slightly rolled back in his head as he groaned at the feeling of your tongue all over his fingers as you eagerly lapped at them.

Steve watched you two through lidded eyes. Still panting from his earlier orgasm. Sore dick already growing semi hard again at the sight of you moaning from the taste of him. “Does he taste good sweetheart?” Eddie asks you. You let go of Eddie’s fingers with a pop. “Mmm so good,” you reply. “Lemme have a taste,” he mumbles, leaning in to capture you’re lips with his. The kiss in messy. Eddie’s tongue invading your mouth, finding any remnants of Steve’s taste.

Eddie pulls back from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting you both. You go to chase his lips, but Eddie brings his hand up to cup your face, stopping you. He chuckles at you warmly. “Mmm, you’re right, he does taste good,” he confirms. Yep, Steve’s definitely hard again.

“Want more,” you beg. Eddie is quick to oblige you, knowing that this will be absolute torture for Steve. “Have at it, baby,” he says, motioning towards Steve already hard cock. You quickly settle between Steve’s legs as Eddie stands up and before Steve can protest or ask for a little more time to recover, you’re taking him in your mouth.

Steve’s hands fly out to grip the sheets on either side of him. Hissing at the overstimulation. You start to bob you head, taking more and more of him down your throat. You moan around him, feeling his thick cock stretch out your throat so well.

He lets out an almost pained sound and you look up at his scrunched-up face. You start to pull back, about to ask if it’s too much and he wants you to stop when Eddie grabs your head, shoving you fully on to Steve’s cock. You do your best to try and not gag around his size.

Steve cries out as he feels his dick slide all the way down your throat. “P-Please,” he whimpers, “’s too much! I-I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” Eddie replies. He lets go of you head and you slide off of Steve halfway to swallow and catch your breath. But you don’t dare take him out of your mouth fully, still suckling on the tip.

“What’s wrong Stevie?” Eddie sneers, “just before you were begging for us to make you feel good, now here we are generously making you feel extra good, and you don’t even want it?” Steve knows Eddie’s right. That he is in no place to complain. Eddie leans in “If it’s too much speak up now,” he says in a slightly softer, but still firm tone, “but just know this is over once you do.”

Steve swallows, hard. “No, i-it’s good,” he stutters, “please keep going.” Eddie smiles at this, straightening back up and removing his shirt. You start to bob your head again, going slightly slower this time to try and help him out a little bit. He’s still whimpering through, the overstimulation almost too much but oh so good.

Eddie quickly unbuckles is pants and pulls his pants and boxers down in one motion. His angry hard dick finally springing free. Eddie notices Steve eyeing him. Taking in every tattoo that lines his chest and arms and finally gaze landing on Eddie’s weeping cock. Steve moans as Eddie taken himself in his hand. Jerking himself off over Steve’s body.

You speed up your actions on Steve’s dick, jerking off what you can’t fit in your mouth and every so often taking him fully down your throat gagging every now and then. The room is filled with you muffled moans, Steve’s whimpers and cries and Eddie’s groans.

“Faster,” Eddie instructs you. You speed up, opting for more and more deepthroating of Steve’s dick as Eddie speeds up stroking himself, getting dangerously close to the edge. The new speed is too much for Steve, his knuckles white as he grips the sheets, almost ripping holes in the cotton. He can’t help the tears that start to pool in his eyes, daring to spill out at any moment. Of course, Eddie notices this.

“Aw what’s wrong pretty boy?” Eddie coos in a sweet but condescending tone. His voice strained as the sight of Steve crying turning him on more.

“Please Eddie,” Steve begs, but he’s not sure what he’s begging for, for more or for less but he needs something.

“Don’t worry Stevie, we’ve got you. Just cum all down her -fuck- down her fucking throat,” Eddie responds, voice strained.

Steve’s third orgasm sneaks up on him. It goes from all being too much to falling over the edge in a second. Steve’s hand shoots down to tangle in your hair, pulling harshly but you can’t seem to care. He lets out a strained, broken sob as he finally shoots down your throat.

You welcome all of it and gladly swallow it all, slowing but still bobbing you head on Steve’s cock, milking it all out of him. The sight sends Eddie over the edge as he shoots his cum all over Steve’s chest, head thrown back with a low moan.

Eddie takes a second to catch his breath before he comes to sit next to you on the bed, patting your head. “Open,” he says, checking to make sure you swallowed all of Steve’s seed. You open your mouth, sticking your tongue out. “Good girl,” he coos when he’s met with your empty mouth, rubbing his thumb lovingly across your cheeks. Steve swears he could almost get hard again at the sight.

Suddenly Eddie lets go of your face, turning to Steve with his hand out. “Rings,” he demanded. Steve was shocked for a second, still feeling floaty after his multiple orgasms, but quickly sat up and moved to grab the rings once he registered what Eddie had said. “y/n’s panties too,” Eddie added, quickly standing up, shimmying back into his boxers and jeans, and throwing on his shirt.

Steve was quick to grab the items, previously on the bed side table. He placed them in Eddie’s hands hesitantly. The shame of having them starting to rise again as his post orgasm high started to fade, and the reality settled in the pit of his stomach.

Eddie turned to y/n, “Get dressed we’re going,” he ordered. His tone making you quickly comply, finding your clothes from the floor and throwing them on.

“Wait – but, I don’t under-“, Steve started to protest. But he was quickly shut up by Eddie’s hand squeezing his jaw, tilting his head up to meet his gaze. Eddie bent over and Steve couldn’t help how his breath hitched as Eddie leaned in towards him. Steve looked down at the other man’s soft plump lips. Steve thought that Eddie might finally lean in and kiss him, but instead Eddie just cocked his head to the side, expression stern.

“Consider this your punishment Stevie, naughty boys don’t get to play with their toys,” Eddie taunted. But Before Steve could even register what Eddie said or try to think up some sort of a reply or a protest, they were gone. Leaving Steve alone, confused, ashamed, covered in so much cum… and still so horny.

People who asked to be tagged/requested part 2: @sllooney @alexa-33 @vanicahgg @ourautumn86 @shortstoriesbyher @may-machin @munsongirl86 @ilovecupcakesandtea @troubleonryloth @ali-r3n @hairlesscatsarenotnaked @quinnswife86 @marsrox @cam-peggio @thefreakofhawkins86 @dominoz @aurumbelis @babyary19 @imjinxx @steddie-as-he-goes @jjulasteen

[harryskalechips]

one and done

A/N Hi everyone! I’m back with a one shot :) I know I don’t write as often anymore but since I’m self quarantining and I’m just about finish with high school, I thought I should try and give it another go? I’m also re starting up my jewellery business so ahhh many goals in mind but no motivation ??? Okay, I hope you guys enjoy this one!!! It is definitely a slow burn with smut but part 2? I dunno!!

Y/N and her brother’s best friend Harry, has had some pent up sexual frustration for a while. Wouldn’t it be best if they just had a one and done? you know to get it out of their system ;) 

*smut includes spanking, choking, male and female receives oral, harry dom but Y/N rides, magic face cream treatment for anti wrinkling results? Yes, and what else? sub space, hair pulling, gosh I forgot please read it 😁

Word Count: 6.1k // Masterlist // one and done PLAYLIST

“Don’t you think it's a bit of a cliché to be crushing on your brother’s best friend?” Ness teases Y/N as they walk out of her house. They were just on the steps about to go on a walk around the block. It was definitely one of their favourite things to do as the sun was just about to set.

Y/N had her butt sat on the spruced wooden steps as she ignored her best friend’s comment. First off, she knew it was a cliché. Secondly, her last encounter with him just seconds ago was already making her plan her own execution.

In her head, it was simply her just jumping out of her window multiple times until she lost consciousness. Ness on the other hand was standing up, watching the poor girl tie her laces. “Okay, I was just teasing. We can change the topic.” She lends her hand out for Y/N to take.

“It’s not just that Ness.” She gladly accepts the gesture and stands up. She wipes off her butt and glances back at the door. “I’ve never had a thing for him! Ryan and Harry have been best mates since what? 8th grade and for some reason ever since the cruise from last summer, I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“It’s because he was shirtless half of the time.” Ness laughs as she hands Y/N’s water bottle to her. “Okay, we can admit it though. As a senior he is 10 times more attractive than he ever was. He looks like a frat boy that could jump my bones.”  Y/N stops walking and just stares at Ness while the girl continues to walk. She grabs her hand and pulls her forward. “Okay, I’m sorry for the bad comment.”

“He is hot though. Really hot.” Y/N smiles.

“See, that’s why you should sleep with him.”

“What are you crazy? Ness, Ryan would kill me or him -maybe the both of us!” 

“It’s pent up sexual frustration. Harry legit watched us walk out your door while eating a banana and you still managed to trip on your shoes.” She laughs.

“He was making eye contact with me!”

“All I’m saying is that he throws parties at his house and always invites us despite y’know us being juniors. Just offer, do it, slip out, and never say anything about it ever again.” Ness elbows Y/N as she crosses her arms. 

“Maybe I will.” She laughs pretending to actually sound confident in the idea.

“Good, there’s a party this Friday anyway.” Ness shrugs her shoulders. “It’s the best remedy sis.”

~

“Harry, can we talk?” Y/N follows him into the kitchen while everyone else is God knows where around the house. 

“Ryan is in the backyard, trying to get Cassidy back.” He barely glances at her as he pours himself a drink. He notices an empty one in her hand so he decides to pour coke in hers. 

“I um wasn’t really drinking coke.” She states confusedly as she watches the bubbles in her cup dissolve.

“You think I’m trying to get you drunk at this party. One alcoholic beverage is good enough for yeh.” He smiles at her as he screws the cap shut and taps the top of her head. He was treating her as if she was a child, which definitely pissed her off since she was going to ask him a really fucked up favour in the matter of 60 seconds.

“I can handle myself, you know.” 

“Yup.” He rests his back against the counter and bites the rim of the plastic cup as he looks at her. “What do you need though?” He genuinely asks her. Although they weren’t that close, Harry knew her long enough to know she wouldn’t start random a conversation with him. It was more like a hi and bye situation. Not her trying to actually talk to him. 

“I have a favour and you can’t tell Ryan.” Y/N lets out a big breath as she watches his reaction change into a confused one. 

“Look Y/N, if you want to try and smoke a blunt, I think it’s best you find yourself a dealer that doesn’t know your brother.”

“No, not that.” She whispers as she moves in closer. There were more people entering the kitchen and this was about to get really fucking awkward. 

“What?” He looks at her and notices her body shifting closer to him. Her chest was touching the side of his arm, making his eyes look towards the cabinets instead.

“I-”

“Yes?”

“Do you wanna fu-?” His eyes widen as he downs the rest of his drink in one go. Harry doesn’t even let her continue as he steps away from Ryan’s little sister. 

“I’m sorry do I already know the rest of that question?” He tries not to obviously choke on the liquid in his mouth.

“Well, I don’t know you didn’t really let me finish.”  Her sassy tone comes out. Her cheeks were really red and although Y/N came to the party with Ness feeling really confident in the dress she picked. She just wanted to go home and not show her face to him ever again. This was the stupidest idea! Why on earth did she think Harry would want to sleep with her when there are so many girls that try to get his attention. 

“I’m sorry Y/N.” He bites the inside of his cheek and watches some familiar people leave the room. Once it’s clear again, he speaks up. “Like are you serious?” He could feel his throat becoming more stuffy. “You and me?” She nods. “Really?” She nods again. “That’s crossing the line and Ryan is pretty overprotective. I can’t do that to him.”

“Cool.” Y/N stands perfectly still as she tries her best to maintain eye contact with him. She takes a sip of the coke but later, grabs the bottle of alcohol and pours it into her cup regardless of him watching her. “Well, don’t let Ryan know.” She shrugs her shoulders and laughs. “Thanks for answering my survey!” She gives him an awkward smile then walks out of the room. How can a guy pass up on her??? First rejection has gotta sting. 

This wasn’t some weird guy she was asking though. This was Harry, Ryan’s best friend. If Ness was put in his position, she wouldn’t want her to say yes either. God, she was also going to kill her best friend for putting the most ridiculous game plan in her head.

And although the party continued on, Ness and Y/N didn’t let the earlier events bother them. The two spent hours just fucking around until they found a comfy spot in the living room.

“Y/N, don’t look.” Ness sits beside her on Harry’s couch watching a few strangers play an unfamiliar game on the floor. 

“What?” she quickly looks up to see what Ness is talking about. It wasn’t a surprise to see Harry holding Carla Laws’s hand as they walked up the stairs. They looked pretty excited for a room tour too.

Oh hell no, everyone knows a girl doesn’t go to Harry Styles’ room to just hold hands and a cute sentimental room tour!

“Are you sure he didn’t want to with you?”

“Yes Nessa.” She rolls her eyes and drinks her third cup. “Whatever, if anything at least I don’t feel attracted to him anymore. I found a new ick. He doesn’t even find me attractive.”

“Good. Rejection may hurt but it makes you wake up and face reality.” 

~

Okay if there was one thing Y/N could say now, it was that she is finally over Harry. Overall, he was nothing but a phase. Yes, she was crushing on him for the first semester of the year but after that weird conversation they had, it made sense why they couldn’t work out anyway. He’s a stuck up douche - a typical senior, all while she was a junior who was either too infatuated with him or too horny. Maybe both?

It’s been about two weeks and although Ness made sure to keep trash talking the guy, Y/N knew there was more to him than what her best friend thought. She knew him for years! Maybe the fact he was athletic, charismatic and just kind that made her realize what a perfect guy he was. She knew he was a bit more complex than what other people thought of him and it wasn’t bad at all. 

What she never thought was how awkward it was going to be the next time she saw him. “Hey, Haz.” Ryan opens the door for his buddy as Y/N covers herself with the blanket more all while pretending to watch TV.

For the past couple of days, Ryan was going over to his house and maybe Harry asked him too to come over, but what she didn’t expect was to see him again so soon. 

“Hey Ryan.” Harry takes his jacket and boots off as it just begun to snow outside. “Hey Y/N.” She quickly glances at him and waves. 

“Let’s go to the kitchen first, I wanna get snacks.” Ryan suggests as he walks away, assuming Harry would follow him like usual. 

After thirty minutes, Y/N thought the boys would be upstairs but as she entered the kitchen wearing nothing but her shorts and her brother’s old t-shirt, she was surprised to see Harry and Ryan eating sandwiches at the breakfast bar, looking pretty serious. Did Harry tell him? 

As she walked closer, she noticed both boys were just on their phones, scrolling through different social media platforms. She quickly brushes past them to put her dish in the sink. Ryan seemed unbothered but she could definitely feel Harry’s eyes on her. Once she makes eye contact with him, he quickly takes a sip of his juice and looks at his phone once more. “Y/N can you grab the chips in the cabinet please?” Ryan looks up at his phone and notices his sister was standing right in front of the cupboard. 

“Yeah, no problem.” She turns her back on them and opens the cabinet. She goes on her tiptoes reaching for the only bag of chips. Once she grabs them, she puts them on the counter and walks out of the room, only hearing her brother murmur a thank you. 

It was about 6:30 PM and the parents weren’t home yet. Ryan and Harry decided to chill in the living room when the doorbell rang. Pausing the game, Ryan opened the door to see Tom standing in front of him. “Y/N it’s for you!” He calls out for his sister since he knew Tom was her friend.

“Who’s that?” Harry mouthed.

“Her boyfriend.” Ryan shrugs as he unpauses the game. 

“Tom? What are you doing here?” Y/N walks down the stairs, pulling her shirt down. 

“Vanessa told me to come by. Apparently you need help with the calculus homework? I’m free tonight anyway.” He smiles and gives her a hug. Tom was a really good friend of Ness and Y/N. He was a smart boy that was really kind and obviously had a big crush on Nessa. There was anything he could do for her. 

Y/N instantly bit her cheek and laughed as she remembered Ness’ text message a couple of hours ago when she told her Harry came by. This was definitely one of Ness’ master plans. “You’re so sweet.” She pulls away and laughs. “We can go upstairs, I have a few questions to ask.” She quickly glances at her brother who doesn’t care all while Harry tried his best to maintain his eyes on the screen. 

“Y/N, Put some shorts on!”  Ryan finally yells out as the two went up the stairs. 

~ 

“I don’t get why he throws parties every weekend.” Ness takes a sip of her drink as they sit inside Harry's dining room. They probably weren’t going to stay too long. Everyone was inside due to the cold weather with the occasional smokers outside. Being the only few juniors, there wasn’t much the girls could do other than loiter around, drink a few cups and play the games they knew so well. Y/N wasn’t the type to have random hook ups but you know her exception with Harry. 

“Gemma has gone off for college and Anne is always working really late shifts at the hospital. He’s pretty much anywhere and everywhere besides his house unless it’s a party.”

“True.” 

“I’m going to say bye to my brother then we can head back to mine if you want?” Y/N offers as Nessa nods and downs her drink. 

“I’m going to drink a cup of water. Meet you at the front?”

“Mhm.” They both stand up and leave the room. Nessa was heading straight to the kitchen while Y/N began to wander around the house. 

“Y/N.” Harry calls out her name over the music. He was wearing a while long sleeved shirt that was unbuttoned. It made him look really attractive which almost made Y/N lose her breath. 

“Hey Harry, You know where Ryan is?” The only typical thing she would ever ask him before that one time. (Pretending as if she didn’t sexually harass him last time.) 

“He’s downstairs with the rest of the boys.” He glances around at everyone and looks at her once more. “I’m sorry, are you um- leaving?”

“Yeah me and Nessa are going to call it a night.” She wraps her hoodie around her figure and tries to make her way to the stairs. 

“Want me to give you girls a ride?”

“No no, it’s okay!” She smiles and waves her hand at him. “Nessa drove. You also have a party to h-”

“It’s kind of late maybe she should head home and we can-” And that’s when it hit her. Was Harry Styles trying to isolate her? 

“Oh.” She widens her eyes and slowly nods. “Okay. I’ll let my brother and Ness know. Should I meet you in your car outside?”

“Yeah.” He runs his hand through his hair and quickly leaves her side. After bidding her farewell to Ryan and explaining her interpretation of Harry to Ness, she was  quietly leaving the house as she watched Nessa walk by herself to the car down the street. What surprised Y/N more was to see him in his brown jacket standing by the passenger door. 

“Did you tell Ryan I was dropping you off?” He  nervously smiles as he opens the door for her. He makes sure no one is watching them leave together as he feels the butterflies forming in his stomach. 

“No.” She puts her hood on and sits in his car. She was picking on her stockings trying to avoid the awkward tension between them. Once Harry sat inside and they both put their seatbelts on, they were on their way to her house. It was weird knowing she was actually leaving a party with her brother’s best friend so she could suck his- 

 “What happens if they notice you’re gone?”

“Um, I’m sure they’ll think i'm elsewhere doing stuff.” She knew what he was thinking about and that made her a bit uncomfortable but it didn’t change the fact it was true.

“Are you still down to y’know?” Harry honestly never thought he would be this nervous talking to Ryan’s little sister. 

“Yeah.” She bites her lip as they glance at each other. 

“Cool. Are you like a virgin or something. I mean is there anything that I should know about?”

“No.” She shakes her head and low-key observes how he drives. 

This was going to be one hell of a night. 

Harry has seen Y/N’s room a countless number of times but to actually be with her by themselves in Ryan’s house made him feel really guilty. That guilt however, was shoved in the back of his throat. The girl in the room with his was obviously the best distraction. “I like your room.” he smirks at her as he looks at her soccer trophy collection from grade school. 

“Thanks.” She laughs lightly as she takes off her jacket. She quickly texts an update to Ness before putting the phone on do not disturb. 

“So before we start, what made you ask the offer?” He takes his jacket off and throws it on her chair. He sits on her bed and glances at the time. It was still early, so people probably weren’t going to be looking for him. 

“This is going to sound really dumb but I’ve had this crush on you since the cruise last summer. Well, you know Nessa... she had this thought and she thinks it is just pent up sexual frustration?” She shakes her head of saying the whole idea out loud. “So I thought maybe I should just get it out of my system.” Harry laughs as he takes in of what she just said. it made her smile as well.

“You were checking me out all summer?” He asks her in disbelief. “Little Y/N wanted to jump my bones?” He started to smirk at her. Although they didn’t know each other too well, the awkward tension was gone with just one simple laugh of his. 

“Stop laughing.” She throws a pillow at him. “I didn’t think you would say no.”

“I didn’t want to say no Y/N are you crazy? I’m laughing because I kept checking you out in those tiny bikinis you used to wear.” He throws the pillow to the side and shakes his head. “I don’t want to cross Ryan like that but I think i need to get you out of my system too.”

“Mhm and why’s that?” She locks her door and sits on the bed with him. “Because Carla couldn’t distract me from seeing you in my sheets.” He leans in and kisses her. “Tom coming by a few days ago with you wearing nothing but those little shorts was already making me lose my mind.” He whispers and kisses her again. 

Y/N immediately sits on his lap while trying her best to keep his mouth on her’s. Everything about this was so hot. She was about to just rip his clothes off. 

“One and done yeah?” Y/N rubs herself on him as her fingers tangle themselves in his hair. He kisses down her neck while grabbing her ass. 

“One and done. Just to get you out of my system.” He confirms with her as he gently throws her on the bed. He’s pulling his long sleeve off and taking his shirt off but once he begins unbuckling his jeans, he couldn’t help but notice Y/N trying to take her shirt off as well. “Fuck.” He murmurs as he gently unbuttons her long sleeve to help her take it off. In a flash, he’s on his knees unzipping her skirt and taking her stockings off as well. “You looked really pretty tonight by the way.” His cheeks flush as he throws her bottoms behind his back. Y/N laughs quietly and she sits up and brings his face closer to hers. 

“I actually would like to say the same exact thing.” He leans in to kiss her once more. Her lips were extremely soft and forbidden and it was making him slowly lose his mind all over again. Y/N thought Harry was just a phase but that seemed impossible as she was already dreading the fact this was a one and done situation. 

“You’re just so fucking soft and alluring.” He whispers in her ear as he unclasped her bra. “I already know I need to fuck you hard.” Y/N eyes’ roll back as she feels his wet mouth on her nipple as the other one massaged the other. Her hands were trying really hard to focus on the task at hand which was to undo his pants but it was definitely not working with the way he was distracting her. Not a single thought could process in her mind.

“I think since this is a one and done situation, you better make this memorable.” She whispers and bites her lip as she tries to hold back a moan. His fingers were teasing her covered entrance but Harry could feel her drenched spot already clenching at his presence. 

“Memorable? I’ll definitely leave my mark on you.” He sucks on her mouth more roughly than usual as he rubs his fingers on her centre. “You wanted me so bad baby? You just had to beg me huh?” He gestures his hips more forward to help her with his pants. 

“I’m kind of new to this. Be a bit patient.” Y/N laughs as she gently unzips his pants after numerous attempts.  

“You just ruined the moment.” He laughs with her as he kisses her forehead and takes his pants off as well. “Just kidding, this is probably the most fun I had.” He hovers over her again and teases her entrance. 

“What do you mean?” She lays on her back and roams her hands all over his chest. 

“Never got the chance to tease the fuck out of a pretty girl then fuck her hard.” He slaps her clit and bites down on her lip. She suddenly lets out a moan that makes her eyes flutter and her chest rise closer up to his face. 

He brings two of his fingers to her mouth and slowly lets her lick on it before rimming her entrance and shoving it in without any warning. His thumb slowly rubs her swollen numb as he can’t help but rub himself on her sheets as well. “You mind if I get a little bit of a taste? I’ve been dying to know. I saw you earlier at the party and I had to jerk myself off seeing you in those little stockings of yours.” 

“You. You jerked yourself off thinking about me, baby?” She looks down at him and smiles softly. He gives her a little smirk before pulling his hand away and heading his head down a bit south. His tongue dips slowly on the left side of her leg as his hands grip her thighs tightly, sure of the bruises to form soon.

“You’re like a fucking wet dream. How can I say no to you?” He urgently swipes his whole tongue on her centre. “I saw you earlier and had to go to my room.” He takes another lick. “Fuck baby, the best i��ve fucking tasted. Fuck oh fuck.” He precisely observes the way your whole swallows his fingers in and clench so tightly around him. His tongue dipping and switching with his fingers because he honestly can’t decide which is best. 

“Harry, fuck me please baby.” Y/N moans loudly as she harshly grabs on her boobs. She’s never been fucked this good. It was honestly feeling like a dream. With that being said, she’s only had sex a handful of times but Harry seemed like such an expert in the field. “Oh God.” She tries to pull away. She wasn’t sure if she could continue on with Harry obsessively licking and sucking on her wet centre. 

He looks up and watches her eyes roll back as her fingers begin to pull on his head aggressively. His only reflex is to spread her legs wider. After her first orgasm, Y/N lays on her back staring at her ceiling trying to catch her breath. 

“Fuck me.”

“We aren’t done yet, love.” He laughs at her cuteness. He can’t remember the last time where he wasn’t rushing to finish himself off. He was taking his time with Y/N since it’s what she deserves. He lays down beside her and kisses down her chest. “Tell me when you’re ready to go, yeah?” He dips his tongue on her shoulder until it reaches the huge hickey he left on her collarbone. He gently licks around it and sucks on it again. 

He was a bit surprised to see Y/N sit up and grab a condom from her drawer. “Thank you for fucking the shit out of me, I’ll gladly return the favour.” She smiles and tucks her hair behind her ear as she focuses on putting the contraceptive on him. Just touching it was already forming butterflies in her stomach. 

“I could’ve been fucking you on that cruise.” he mischievously smiles at her as he watches the way her pretty tits move. 

“You were sharing a room with my brother.” She hisses as she holds onto his shaft trying to gently ease the pain as she fully sits on him. 

“But you were alone.” He grabs onto her waist and helps her. “You’re so beautiful fuck.” He sits up on her headboard as her palms rest on his chest. Both of their eyes couldn’t help but watch the way he was easily penetrating her. 

“Was touching myself because of you.” She mumbles out as her speed begins to increase.

“What did you say baby?” He almost chokes on his breath as he can feel her fully taking him in. 

“Couldn’t stop thinking of you on that cruise. I needed you to rail the fuck out of me.” She moans louder as she starts to feel his hips meet her. 

“Fuck me. So perfect, Shit.” He quickly turns them around and shoves himself back into her. His hand immediately tightens around her neck and once he is about to pull it away, she keeps his hand on her. 

“Fuck me harder.” She cries out as his arm begins to push her legs up. He spits in between their centres before thrusting as hard as he can. All you could hear was her headboard banging against the wall as his hand continuously choked the fuck out of her. 

“I bet you like getting spanked too huh?” He bites his lip and semi turns her body before slapping her ass. 

“Harry fuck.”

“Come on, baby. Be a good girl and come around my cock.”

“Fuck fuck fuck.” Y/N cries out as her fingernails scratch his back. “Come in my mouth. I want to taste you so bad please.” tears begin to form in her eyes as she continues to clench around his dick. Harry immediately pulls off the condom and helps her sit up on her knees. She absolutely could not feel a thing below her stomach but with Harry’s hard cock in her mouth, she was already closing her eyes and trusting him with everything she was. She’s never been this fucking vulnerable, she was literally about to pass the fuck out. 

She was softly holding onto his thighs but her hands found comfort on his waist as he began to fuck her mouth harder. Harry on the other hand, kept his eyes on how her mouth was taking him in. He watched the way his fingers wrap around her hair tightly as he brought his hips closer and closer until he could feel her gagging on his dick. Without a warning, he immediately pulls out and spills all over her face.

“Why’d you do that?” She opens her eyes and pouts. She was pretty upset how she couldn’t taste him spill into her mouth. So her finger immediately takes a swipe of his spill and puts it in her mouth. Without hesitation, she’s taking his forming soft dick in her hands before softly licking it clean and softly sucking on his balls. She takes his shaft and swipes her cheek once more before licking the rest of his spill from his shaft. 

“You’re going to make me hard again if you keep doing that baby. Might not be as nice as I was this time.” 

“Maybe I want another round?” She gestures him to lie down as she continues to kiss and suck on his cock. 

“Thought it was a one and done.” He softly smiles as he removes some of the hair from her face.

“How about a one and done night?”

“Deal.”

And although they thought this was crossing a line, they already knew the moment their lips touched, they wouldn’t be able to stop.

~

“Wait so he changed his mind!” Nessa laughs as they drive back home. “Bitch how are you at school today? I literally saw you limping at lunch.”

“Shut up.” Y/N mouth widens as she rubs her face. “I don’t know what happened okay? We said one and done but we honestly went a couple of rounds before I had to wake him up so he could drive back home.”

“But is he out of your system? Don’t get me wrong Harry’s a fine guy but like dating wise? He’s been with other girls but somehow always goes back to Carla. They’ve been like that before you and Ryan moved here.” 

“Yeah, he’s out of my system.” Y/N laughs but truth be told, some nights when she can’t sleep, she’ll find herself staring at the ceiling. 

“Why are you guys home so early?” Nessa asks once they step inside the house. There was a good comparison between Nessa and Ryan with Y/N and Harry. First off, Nessa literally saw Ryan as her older brother which meant they were pretty vocal towards each other. Secondly, Nessa was very comfortable at Y/N’s house almost as if this was her second home. 

“Carla and Cassidy are coming over.” Ryan smirks as Harry cleans the living room behind him. “During the party last night, I may have asked if they wanted to come over for a double date game night thing. Mom and Dad are cool with it since it's a Monday which is their date night too.

“Oh have fun.” Y/N buds in and laughs. “Make sure to actually vacuum please. You don’t want the girls finding your crumbs on the carpet.” She takes her jacket off as Nessa follows behind her up the stairs. Harry obviously tried to ignore the fact, she bluntly ignored him. 

“Double date? Damn, you guys really did just fuck and brushed it under the carpet.”

“It meant nothing right. So?” Y/N tries to brush off the topic as she sets her backpack down. “Why won’t you sit down?” “On that bed?” Nessa smiles awkwardly as she glances at the double bed near the wall. 

“I changed the sheets.” Y/N takes her shirt off and replaces it with another loose top. She unzips her pants and wears her black tights instead.

“So should we invite ourselves to their double date?” Nessa raises her eyebrows as she lays down on the bed. 

“No because it’s weird and I don’t want Harry to think I’m jealous.”

“I think you are.”

“Nope, I told you I don’t like him like that anymore and he’s out of my system.” She tries to ignore the fact, how she swallowed him without hesitation.

“Okay but wouldn’t it be better to prove to yourself you are just by being around him.” And although Y/N wanted to protest that, the two best friends ended up being invited by Ryan to play downstairs anyway. 

“You girls want a refill?” Ryan sits up from the coffee table as he cleans up the empty red cups. Ness, Carla, and Cassidy wanted a new one which made Y/N go help her brother out in the kitchen. 

“Are you having fun?” Ryan asks as he throws the cups in the recycling. Y/N pours the preferred drinks in the new cups as she looks up at her brother. 

“Yeah, I was wondering why you invited Ness and I. Don’t you think we’re cock-blocking?”

“Harry suggested you guys hang out with us while we played games. More competition is fun y’know. Plus you and Nessa can leave whenever.”

“Oh cool. Thanks, I guess?” 

“Yup.” He grabs two cups as she does. She couldn’t help but notice how Ryan suddenly started cheering. “Yeah, Styles get it! Woooo!” Y/N turns her eyes to notice Harry and Carla making out on the floor by the coffee table. 

“Are you guys dating again?” Cassidy laughs as she tries not to watch them make out.

“Sure.” Carla pulls away and pecks his cheek. Nerissa was just watching Y/N’s reaction and she knew it was a bad one. 

“Y/N could you walk me to the car? Appa just texted me and he’s wondering where I am. I forgot it was his birthday.” Nessa speaks up.

“Oh shit.” Y/N was clueless of her excuse. Which thankfully made her seem more genuinely in a rush to get out of the room. She sets the drinks on the table before going upstairs with Ness.

“How did you forget it was Appa’s birthday, Ness?” 

“I don’t know.” She packs her things up. “Why don’t you come with me? He’s gonna blow his cake soon.”

“Oh, I don’t want-”

“Come.” And if there was one thing Y/N knew well about Nessa, it was that she wouldn’t ever forget it was Appa’s birthday, especially if she just celebrated it a couple of months ago. Without a fight to say no, Y/N immediately grabs a hoodie as they walk down the stairs. 

“Ryan, I’m going to Ness’ to celebrate Appa’s birthday. I’ll be home soon before Mom and Dad comes home.”

“Oh okay.” Ryan waves at his sister as his arms rests on Cassidy’s shoulder. 

“Bye guys!” Ness and Y/N wave as they both exit the house immediately. Harry stays unbothered as he takes another sip of his beer. 

“Thank you for getting me the fuck out of there.” 

“It’s okay. We don’t actually have to leave you know. It’s 6 PM, I can drive the car to a different neighbourhood and you can cry all about him there.”

“I love you.” Y/N begins to tear up. 

“I love you too.”

~

“What’s Tom doing here?” Ryan’s eyes are in shock as he watches his sister hold hands with the familiar boy. What’s confusing is that Y/N went to Ness’ for a birthday. 

“He just wanted to come over.” She smiles innocently as she waves hi to the same party. It was just about 7 PM and the double date duo was watching an unfamiliar movie on TV. Nessa called Tom and Y/N had to explain their situation. Although he didn’t really want to do it. He knew Y/N wanted to prove something to the Harry guy. So as long as they didn’t do anything romantic or weird that would cross his boundaries, Tom was okay with it. 

“Aw, I didn’t know you were dating Thomas?” Cassidy smiles as she walks in with a bowl of popcorn. She hands it to Carla who is cuddling up against Harry on one of the sofas.

“We aren’t dating.” They both look at each other and laugh. Tom shakes his head and pulls Y/N up the stairs instead. 

Once the pair is gone, the dates begin to watch their movie again. “Ryan, you really don’t care if your sister is by herself with that boy?” Carla laughs as she feeds herself and Harry popcorn.

“I’m definitely not going to interfere with that, they’re probably doing the nasty already.” His eyes widen as he stuffs more popcorn down his mouth and although, Harry was keeping his eyes on the screen, there wasn’t anything sitting well with him knowing the girl he was with on the weekend was already in somebody else’s arms. 

The goal was to get each other out of their systems, why the fuck are they so jealous then?

great plan Vanessa. 

Part deux ici 

[pacifymebby]

Rank the peaky men from who you'd want to sleep with the most to least 😬

So difficult for me near the top of the list because i can't pick between favourites really.

1. Bonnie would be the all round sweetest to sleep with i think, physically i find him most attractive (i am a sucker for that classic irish blue eyes black hair combo) Bonnie would definitely look after you, you know he'd be gentle with you your first time and hold back from going to hard unless you begged him... He'd be worried about hurting you. He'd be super cute afterwards as well, you know hed lie there with you, smothering you with kisses, lots of praise. He'd definitely accidentally fall asleep afterwards though and his snores would be v cute.

2. Alfie... Besties I've had such a silly wee daddy issues crush on Aflie since i was like 16 years old and i have not grown out of it. Now I'm the kind of girl who gets incredibly self concious and shy when i go on top and i tend to avoid it unless someone can make me feel comfortable enough with them... But i swear to god Alfie would just have to give me half of one of his little Alfie style speeches and tell me to come sit in his lap and id be all his.

Maybe he can't go on top or really go hard with you because of his injury but you know that doesnt mean hes gonna give up control of you. He'd be talking you through everything with one hand on your neck completely in control of you and hed be full of praise for you too.

3. This is where it gets kind of hard to choose but... Isaiah is 3rd because i am such a little bitch for arrogant and cocky classic bad boy stereotypes. Hes also just really. Fucking. Hot. If this man addressed me i would melt, id blush id trip over my tongue... Id be totally flustered and it would boost his ego and he'd be all the harder and faster in bed for it. Definitely going to treat u like a little whore and then sing your praises after.

4. Tommy - daddy issues again sorry guys. I want to misbehave, get myself into all kinds of trouble and then have him really calmly, sternly put me in my place. I read a fic on here once where he took y/n up against a wall, held her neck in his hand and forced her to look up at him. He points his finger between him and her and all he says is "respect the boundaries" and yh... Want Tommy Shelby to tell me to respect the boundaries.

5. John - I'm not gonna lie to you i always used to find john to be too sulky and childish for me, but there is something quite attractive about the thought of bringing him out of that sulk if you know what i mean? I also think hes the type to have a complex and need to tell you "youre mine" over and over whilst he's fucking you. As if him fucking you doesnt make that quite clear already.

6. Arthur - the same with the "you're mine" thing hes definitely growling/spitting that into your ear whilst hes taking you from behind. Also imagine being all snowed up in the bath with him and fucking, having a cigarette and then fucking again. His temper would scare me though, i get scared when someone's genuinely angry with me and arthurs angry sex would probably make me cryyyyy lolllllllll like if he shouted id just die.

But i do also think hes got a sweet side and would be devoted to you in a sense and that would be hot.

7. Freddie Thorne - sexy sexy communism mmmmm (see also, Ada Thorne)

8. Aberama - lowkey have a thing for an attractive but slightly sleazy older man and i would probably let him do anything to me)

9. Michael - would you believe this boy was once at the top of my list, my list used to go Michael, Alfie, Tommy... And then Bonnie, Michael, Alfie... And then one day i just stopped famcying blonde men 😭 (B says thats called becoming an adult haha) i also hate how he became so spoilt and entitled. I liked him when he still had some of the innocent in him. Being bad didnt suit him the way it suits Tommy and the others and i think it's because deep down the others actually do care about their families and their principles. In order to be a Blinder Michael has to lose all the principles he was raised on and take up a new set... He literally has to sacrifice his backbone to fit in with Tommy and i think if you can change urself that easy u have tiny dick energy and ur not to be trusted in or out of bed. He probably takes more than he gives.

[vampiregirl1797]

The Starlight Stone

GIF not mine.

Rhysand x Reader

Word Count: 4,898

Summary: Y/N comes from a different reality, where the characters and world she’s now living in, exist in a series of books. Rhysand takes her in, and she learns how to do something she’s never managed before… live.

Warnings: Can’t think of any? If I’ve missed anything, let me know.

Masterlist Here :)

Falling in love with new characters was as easy as breathing for me. In fact it was so easy, that before I realised it, I was only falling for them. Reading became an escape for me, a teenage girl without a shred of self-confidence, used to being the overlooked one in a group of friends, used to not attracting any kind of male attention. It was perfect, because the men I fell in love with always loved me back, never hurt me with the crushing pain of rejection, never thought I wasn’t pretty enough, or skinny enough. They loved me for me.  

I just never imagined I’d wake up in one of the fictional world’s I’d read about, and come face to face with the High Lord I’d most recently falling for. I’d arrived several months ago, and of course hadn’t been able to keep a thing from the High Lord of the Night Court who’d found me trespassing on his lands. He’d gone into my head, not too far, but far enough to assess whether I was a threat to him or his people. He discovered pretty quickly that I had absolutely no skill set to be a threat, and that I absolutely was not from his world.  

He’d found the concept of Prynthian being presented in a series of books both interesting and amusing, as well as him and his friends existing as characters within the novels. I was just glad he hadn’t gone far enough to find how invested I got in each of the books I read, and those who existed within them, him being one of those people. It would have been mortifying and I had wondered on more than one occasion what his reaction would be. But coming face to face with a man who had been fictional to me, and then become real overnight… it had thrown me into my insecurities. Into taking my feelings for the High Lord and shoving them down as far as I could.  

‘Y/N?’ I was snapped out of my thoughts by Cassian popping his head into my room. Rhys had offered me a room at his town house when I first got here, and I’d never left. He’d offered the money to buy my own place, but I hadn’t been comfortable with the idea of that at the time, and now I had a place on his court, along with a wage of my own, but this had become my home.  

‘Hey Cass, what’s up?’ I smiled, patting the empty space beside me on the enormous bed; in my world I’d never had bigger than a single, and this was about three singles put together.  

‘Not much, I was gonna go into town for a little while, do you want to come with?’ His hazel eyes studied me with warmth and kindness, which was probably what had made me comfortable around him so quickly. He’d never looked at me with the disinterest I was used to being on the receiving end of from men; he saw me as a person and I appreciated him for it.

‘Sure. Anything in particular you’re after?’ I wondered letting my hair down from the messy bun I’d pulled it up onto when I’d come to relax in my room.  

He shrugged, trying and failing to be nonchalant, ‘not really. Just felt like getting out.’

I sighed, shuffling to the edge of the bed to slip on my boots, ‘Rhys sent you to check up on me didn’t he? Let me guess, he thinks I’m becoming a depressed recluse?’  

Cass gave me a look that was a mixture of concern and exasperation, ‘Rhys worries about you because you never leave the house. He doesn’t think you’re depressed, but he worries you’re not living either. You lose yourself in books, and you barely speak to anyone, even me.’  

I turned away, pretending to busy myself with lacing up my shoes to hide the tear that slid down my cheek. Rhys was more observant than I gave him credit for. The truth was, since I’d gotten here, I’d basically been living the same as I had before; reading, sleeping, eating and more reading. I ate meals with everyone sometimes, but more often than not, I allowed the new fictional worlds offered to me here to consume me. I’d never been called out on it before. No one had ever cared enough to notice that I wasn’t just reading because I loved it, I was reading to escape the life I didn’t know how to live.  

‘I-I’ I stuttered, forcing myself to stop and take a breath.

‘Hey,’ Cassian’s voice softened and he shuffled beside me on the bed to sling a muscular arm over my shoulder. My head went to his chest, not even trying to hold back my tears anymore, it seemed pointless when he could probably scent them anyway, ‘I didn’t say this to upset you, just to let you know that you’re family to us now, Y/N, and we care about you. We want you to live and enjoy life, not to fall solely in love with fictional places.’  

‘This place was just a fictional place to me once.’ I murmured quietly.

‘And now you get to be here, and still choose to read yourself to death.’ He teased, chuckling softly.  

I smiled, wiping away the moisture from my cheeks, because he was right. Rhys was right. I had been blessed with the opportunity to live in a reality I’d once yearned for with all my heart, and I’d been wasting it. Why? Because I was afraid to face the feelings I had for a certain High Lord, feelings that had only blossomed since coming here, despite my best efforts to avoid him. I’d been throwing myself into reading because I wanted to live in the fantasy that he would return my feelings for a little longer. But that had to stop. I wasn’t immortal here—at least I didn’t think so, I didn’t have Fae characteristics and I didn’t have any powers—and it was time to stop squandering my life being a scaredy cat.  

‘You’re right. Rhys is right.’ I moved away from Cassian’s chest, wiping all evidence of my tears away, ‘lets go into Velaris. I’ve always wanted to stroll through the City and take everything in. It looks so beautiful from up here.’  

Cassian grinned, and allowed me to pull him from the bed, and just like that we left the town house and were swallowed by the life of Velaris.  

Six Months Later

‘I don’t think so.’ I shook my head, levelling the Shadowsinger with a no-nonsense glare, ‘it’s the Winter Solstice, which is the first one I’m spending here, it’s basically Christmas, and it’s a family holiday. You’re not flying off to wherever the heck you’re planning to go, with only your shadows for company.’  

His hazel eyes were blank but he visibly stiffened. I sighed, realising that telling Azriel what he could and couldn’t do was not my place, and it definitely wasn’t the best approach.  

‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to act like I’m your keeper or anything.’ I stood from the couch where I’d been sitting, to move to where he stood in front of the fire. I placed a hand on his shoulder, and relaxed a little when he didn’t shrug me off, ‘it’s just… this means something to me. Back in my old reality, we had Christmas, which was something similar. We’d all gather, exchange presents, decorate a tree, hang decorations… but what made it special to me was the time spent with the people I loved. With the people I considered family. You’re my family now, Azriel. You, Cass, Ameren, Mor… and Rhys. Obviously it’s your choice, but if you could afford to, please don’t leave until after the holiday.’  

I thought his eyes had softened at my words, but honestly it was hard to tell with the Shadowsinger. I left him alone to think over my words, kissing his cheek as I made my way outside; I still had some things left to buy for everyone. I’d gone a little overboard, but I couldn’t help it. I’d pretty much finished Mor and Ameren, I had a few last things to pick up for Cassian and Azriel, and the majority I’d left to buy were for Rhys. I already knew what I was going to get him, and most were already purchased and wrapped at each store, I’d just waited until now to get them, because while Rhys was trusted with everyone else’s presents… well giving him his own gifts just didn’t seem right. It might just have been me, but I felt like it took away the surprise, at least a little bit.  

I smiled as I walked through the city, nodding in greeting to a few friendly people. Since that talk Cassian had with me six months ago, I’d started venturing out of the townhouse more and more. I still read, but it was for the fun of it now, rather than the escape from reality. I’d fallen in love with Velaris. The city was beautiful, and teeming with life and acceptance and peace… seeing it first hand really made me appreciate the efforts Rhys and everyone had gone through to protect this place, to make it a home.  

‘Hey girl!’ Ameren’s voice had me looking to my right, to see her running across the cobblestone street to catch up to me, ‘you wouldn’t be out to purchase my Winter Solstice presents now would you?’ she grinned, her silver eyes sparkling with more life than usual.

I playfully rolled my eyes, ‘even if I was, I wouldn’t tell you. Your otherworld intimidation doesn’t work on me, Ren.’  

She huffed, but I could see the amusement swirling in her silver irises, ‘fine. It amazes me sometimes though,’ she mused, going on to explain, ‘Cassian cracked like an egg in two seconds, told me what he’d got me straight away. But you’re immune to what makes me scary to people around here.’  

I chuckled, being able to picture Cassian folding perfectly, ‘I wouldn’t say I’m the only one. And Cassian doesn’t prove anything, he’s like a big kid with this stuff. I’ve had to actually shush him to keep him from telling me about my presents, I think the excitement just gets to him. Now if you told me you’d broken Azriel, I’d be impressed.’  

She huffed a laugh and tilted her head in acknowledgement of my words, ‘yeah, you might be right. He didn’t only tell me what he’d gotten me, he told me about everyone else’s too.’  

I rolled my eyes affectionately, ‘that boy.’  

‘Indeed.’ She shook her head, but when she met my eyes again the wicked glint in them made me brace myself slightly, ‘so what are you getting our High Lord?’  

‘I’m on my way to pick up Rhys’ presents now. You can come with me if you want, so long as you don’t spoil anything.’ I gave her a pointed look and grinned at her offended look.  

‘I’m not the gossip Cassian is, thank you very much, girl,’ she waved her hand dismissively, ‘anyway, I was just wondering if you were finally going to gift him with the truth.’

‘Who?’ I frowned, pulling open the door to the blacksmith’s—I’d requested a few specific weapons for Azriel, Cassian and Rhys, each custom made and fit to them specifically, ‘what truth?’

She opened her mouth to reply, but was had to wait until the blacksmith had handed over the three weapons he’d perfectly made for me. Azriel and Cassian had plenty of swords and knives and daggers, but their abundance in bows and arrows was clear. I’d seen them practice with the same one, and I doubted they had any specific for battle, which seemed a waste when they could both fly. So I’d asked the blacksmith to create some custom for them, and both now had their own bow, plenty of arrows and a quiver. Their names were engraved inside the buttery leather of their quivers, and each were made to be lightweight and able to be worn whilst flying without losing any arrows.

For Rhys I’d asked for a pair of daggers to be crafted. I’d seen him with a couple of swords, and I was sure he already had daggers too, but picking this particular weapon had just felt right, even if I knew it was likely he possessed some already. Each was pure silver, one held an amethyst stone at the hilt, while the other held an onyx stone. One for his eyes, the other for his court.  

It was when we exited the shop that Ameren decided to resume her train of thought that I’d almost forgotten about, ‘the truth that you are in love with Rhys.’

It took a lot of effort not to stumble from shock, ‘what?’

‘Don’t play dumb. It’s obvious. Has been for months,’ she smirked, ‘we have bets on when you’re going to tell him. I have over the Solstice, so if you could do a girl a favour and tell him already, the winnings will be mine.’

‘Not to put a damper on your betting habits,’ I pulled her hand towards another shop I needed to go into, ‘but I’ve not got any “truth” to reveal to Rhys.’  

She swore under her breath, ‘I knew I should have had spring, but there’s me being the optimist thinking you would have grown some balls and realised what we’ve all already seen by now.’

I frowned, ‘what the hell are you talking about Ameren?’

‘Rhys loves you just as much as you love him. Actually knowing him, he probably loves you even more, but he’s as much of a coward as you.’ She rolled her eyes, tucking her onyx hair behind her ear as I accepted another bag full of pre-wrapped presents for Rhys.

‘You can’t be serious.’ I didn’t know what else to say… the idea of him feeling a fraction of the love I had for him made my heart pound in my chest. I couldn’t fathom it.

‘Honestly, you’re both blind.’ She shook her head, but let the subject drop, and I was glad. Talking any more might have launched me into a full-blown panic attack.

I’d admitted to myself that fallen in love with the High Lord three months ago—for a long time I’d fought it, convincing myself I was just in love with the fictional version of him. But that theory had gone down the toilet when he’d laughed—really laughed—at a joke Cassian made, and I’d been powerless to stop myself from being overwhelmed with happiness at his happiness. It was then I accepted I was an idiot in love with a man I’d never have. But Ameren saying he did feel the same, well it made me panic because I’d never considered it a possibility before—I’d never had a man interested in me before, and the idea of it, the unfamiliarity, made me panic. So I forced it down and made myself focus on collecting the rest of my gifts.  

//

The morning of Winter Solstice saw me rising bright and early, eager as a kid on Christmas morning. I realised that we wouldn’t be exchanging presents until the evening, after we’d all eaten, but I couldn’t tamper my excitement. So after I’d showered and dressed in leggings and a white woolly jumper, I headed to the living room to put the finishing touches on the decorations. Everything was basically done, but Rhys had found an eight-foot pine tree; I’d been telling him about the traditions of Christmas in my old reality, and he’d surprised me yesterday with a real tree. I’d hugged him tightly for it, unable to hold back my tears of gratitude at his thoughtfulness, and declared we’d have to decorate it tomorrow, after it had time to settle in the room overnight. A part of me wondered if he’d remember, but my doubt floated away upon the sight of him standing in the living room, observing the tree like he was sizing up an opponent on the battlefield. The thought made me chuckle, and he looked up to me with a smile.  

‘Good morning.’ I murmured, coming over to join him, ‘is there a reason you seem to be sizing up this poor, defenceless tree?’  

He grinned, his violet eyes sparkling with mirth, ‘well, other than the fact that it’s bigger than me and has an unfair advantage size-wise,’ I missed his soft smile as I laughed again, ‘I was simply wondering exactly how we’re going to decorate it.’

I softened with understanding, ‘well, lucky for you, I’m ridiculously prepared.’ I moved to pull out the box I’d stored behind the tree last night, after retrieving it from one of the shops in the art district. Magic was such a blessing here, and after I’d explained what I’d needed, and demonstrated with some awful drawings, they’d had everything made within a few hours. I pulled a few ornaments out, marvelling at the craftsmen’s ship for a moment before hanging them on the tree; there was a mixture of circular shapes and stars, in amethyst, silver, blue and black. They’d also crafted a silver star to go on top of the tree, fashioned after the star that always shone the brightest in the night sky of Velaris on the first night of Winter Solstice. It was so well made, I’d been struck speechless by how realistic it looked; as if they had plucked the star straight from the sky.  

I nudged the box closer to Rhys with my foot, ‘just hang them however you want, like this.’ I gestured to the few I’d put on and smiled when he reached in and immediately followed instructions.  

‘You know, if I used my magic I could have this done in under a minute.’ He commented, looking at me from the corner of his eye as if he knew my reaction before I voiced it.

‘Absolutely not! Decorating by hand is part of the fun, and the tradition.’ I protested, flicking his shoulder when I noticed his smirk, ‘if you use a flicker of magic, then there will be no presents for you.’

I frowned at the look of surprise in his eyes and he must have noticed my confusion because he said, his voice soft, ‘I didn’t think you’d gotten me anything. I didn’t mind, of course, I’m just surprised.’  

‘Why would you think that?’ I turned to face him fully, ignoring the task of decorating for the moment.

‘Because you didn’t give them to me to hide.’ He shrugged, carefully placing another ornament onto the tree, ‘and I never expect gifts, from anyone regardless. I went a long time being consumed by disappointment after my mother and sister died, because my father never cared for the holiday before. But after their deaths, it bore a reminder of another year of them being gone. Then he and I enacted our revenge, and it was a while before Morrigan, Cassian and I were able to spend the Solstice together.’  

I pulled him into a hug, winding my arms around his neck and not flinching at the appearance of his wings. They didn’t often appear without purpose unless he was feeling a strong emotion, but I didn’t question it when they cocooned us, his warmth radiating all around me.  

‘I didn’t give you any to hide because I felt like it took away from the surprise of the holiday if I was asking you to keep your own presents.’ I murmured into his neck, missing the small shiver that passed through him, ‘I’m sorry, that you had to spend so many Solstice’s alone, Rhys. But you have a family now, one that would sooner die than leave you.’

He held me a little tighter, and I returned the gesture, burrowing further into his neck and wondering if I was imagining the increased heartbeat I could feel against my chest, or if I were perhaps mistaking it for my own.

//

I smiled from my seat in the armchair, enjoying the warmth emanating from the fire, and from the mug of hot chocolate I held in my hands. We had just had Winter Solstice dinner, and were taking it in turns to open our presents.  

Ameren had gone first, and was grinning so wide it was almost scary at all of the jewels everyone had bought for her. Cassian had mostly been gifted weapons from everyone but Mor and me—she’d given him a sweater in the brightest green I’d ever seen, and I’d also gifted him some of his favourite liquor, a box of chocolates that Rhys had mentioned his mother got the General every year for solstice, some new books on war strategy, a new set of Illyrian leathers, and the bow and arrows I’d gotten him.

Azriel had also gained an abundance of weapons, along with a startlingly bright pair of purple socks from Mor, and some of his favourite liquor, a series of books on adventure and war I had a feeling he would enjoy, and a new set of Illyrian leathers and his new bow and arrows, from me. Mor had been given high quality clothing from everyone, and some of her favourite chocolates, wine, bath foams and salts from me. Rhys had been given a set of old leather bound books from Ameren, a Hawaiian themed shirt from Mor—mother knew where she found that—, what looked like a six-pack of beer from Cassian that had Rhys shaking his head with a reluctant smile, and a new set of Illyrian leathers from Azriel. I’d given him his new set of daggers, some of the chocolates Cassian had mentioned his mother and sister gifted him every Solstice, a painting that captured the beauty of Velaris perfectly, and something else I hadn’t yet presented to him.  

I’d actually left the other gift in his room, on his pillow; it was a pendant that had caught my eye when I was buying Ameren’s Solstice gifts. The shop attendant had noticed my stare and pulled it out from beneath the glass—it wasn’t overly huge; about the size of a bottle cap. It was antique silver, with a stone at the centre that was so beautiful I’d been unable to look away from it. It reminded me of the night sky, to put it plainly. It was so blue I thought it was sapphire, but the flashes of pure light that I saw when I turned it reminded me of shooting stars. The attendant had explained it was a pendant often presented to a perspective partner as a way of showing your intentions—as a way of showing your love for them. It was often the step before the mating bond sparked, to acknowledge what you already felt for them. She mentioned that it was an out dated tradition, and many only bought the Starlight stone now purely because it was beautiful.  

I didn’t know what possessed me to buy it. Maybe it was the possibility that he wouldn’t even know what it meant, maybe it was because a part of me wanted to tell him, and this was the only way I could muster the courage to do it. Either way, I’d left the small wrapped present on his black silk pillow before I’d joined the party tonight. And I’d had knots in my stomach about it since. A part of me wanted to excuse myself and take it back, but I forced that anxious part of my brain to shut up, because as much as it terrified me… I had to tell Rhys how I felt somehow, even if it meant that he didn’t feel the same way.

//

After the events of the evening, I decided to have a bath before I went to bed; Cassian and Azriel had passed out in the living room, one on the floor, the other on the sofa, but both were snoring loudly. Mor had made it to her room on the first floor, and Ameren had returned to her apartment. Rhys had said something about flying over the city before he turned in, and I was too awake with nerves to just slip straight into bed. So I ran some warm water into the gigantic tub that looked as if it would overflow onto the mountain below, and added some of my favourite bath foams that scented of lavender and honey—a gift from Az. I forced myself to breathe and just not think, and when my eyes started to droop I climbed out of the cooling water to dry off. I changed into the new silk gown Mor had gifted me for Solstice, and entered my bedroom only to stop short.  

My heart stopped at the sight of Rhys sitting on the edge of my bed… and then picked up triple speed. He was wearing loose pyjama pants, and no shirt… and he was holding the gift box I’d left on his pillow. The lid was missing and he was staring at the pendant inside. I took a deep breath and crossed my arms over my chest to hide how my hands shook.

‘Hey.’ I bit my lip, unsure about what to do. Should I sit next to him? Stay standing in front of the fire about three feet away from him? Ask him if he liked the gift? Ask him if he knew what it meant?  

His violet eyes lifted to meet mine, and I felt a wave of uncertainty wash over me at the guarded look in them, ‘do you know what this stone means?’ he asked, his voice quiet as he carefully held up the box, as if its contents were precious to him, ‘are you aware of the tradition that exists in Velaris? About what it means when someone presents this stone to another person?’

I took a deep breath, my heart pounding even faster now, and I was pretty sure I was starting to sweat. I wished I could read him better, wished I could know if he was hoping I knew, or hoping I didn’t. But he was a master of hiding his emotions, so I decided to go with the truth.

‘Yes, I know what it means.’ I admitted quietly, and knew if he didn’t have advanced hearing he wouldn’t have been able to make out the words; I could barely hear myself say them.

‘No, tell me. Tell me why you gave this to me.’ His eyes were still guarded, but his voice held a tinge of desperation, a tone I couldn’t resist from him.

‘I gave you that stone because the attendant at the jewellery store told me that the Starlight stone is what you give to a perspective partner, to acknowledge what you already feel for them, before the mating bond has sparked.’ I could feel the wariness on my face as he stood from the edge of the bed, stopping right in front of me.  

He tilted my chin up to meet his eyes with his index finger and whispered, ‘and what is it you feel for me, Y/N?’

‘I love you Rhys.’ I admitted softly, missing the way his eyes softened as my gaze fell to his lips.

His hand caressed my cheek, his thumb moving back and forth across my cheekbone. I was powerless to stop myself melting into his touch, and felt my eyes sheen with tears when I saw the affectionate look in his eyes. I watched as the dark mist of his magic swirled around the pendant, and lifted it from the box to secure it around his neck. My hand went to rest against his chest, where the pendant lay against his skin.

‘I love you too, Y/N darling.’ He murmured, wiping away the tears that fell silently down my cheeks.  

I vaguely heard the gift box fall to the floor, his free hand now landing on my hip and pulling me flush against his body. My arms wound around his neck, my fingers going to his silky soft hair as his mouth covered mine.

//

One Year Later

‘I’m just saying, Cassian is a great name for a tiny warrior.’ Cass grinned from the sofa, across from where Rhys and I sat in the love seat he’d bought for us about a year ago.  

‘Absolutely not.’ Rhys drawled, his hand gently moving back and forth across my swollen belly.

‘Do you have names picked out?’ Mor asked, her face holding the beaming expression that was always present when we were talking about the baby.

‘We do,’ I murmured, Rhys and I shared a secret smile at Mor’s squeal of excitement.  

‘We’re not revealing anything until the baby is born.’ Rhys grinned at the sounds of disapproval from his cousin and Cassian.  

‘You’re boring.’ The war General grumbled.

We all chuckled at his childish behaviour and I felt my expression soften with affection when Rhys leaned over to kiss my baby bump, murmuring words about how his uncle Cassian would always be the biggest baby in the family. Cassian grumbled louder, much to our amusement. My hand fell to Rhys hair, idly playing with the strands. He kissed my forehead and my eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of contentment that washed over me.  

Home. This was home.

[wheeler-beretta-harwood]

I answered your get to know me 20 questions and I want to get to know you better too! So I compiled a 20 list of some questions I thought were interesting (some are from the list you sent me because I liked them too). If you don’t want to answer them or answer them publicly that’s okay!

1. What’s your go-to guilty pleasure?

2. What’s your favorite quote from a tv show/movie/book?

3. What’s one thing that can instantly make your day better?

4. If you could have any exotic animal as a pet, what would it be?

5. What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?

6. What are you most proud of in the last year?

7. A place you want to visit?

8. What fictional character do you relate to the most?

9. Top 5 wrestlers?

10. Favorite book?

11. What fandoms are you part of besides wrestling?

12. Favorite movie?

13. Non-wrestler celebrity crush?

14. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

15. Favorite singer/band?

16. Favorite holiday?

17. What’s your favorite story trope?

18. What do you find most attractive in a person?

19. Sunny days or storms?

20. Cutest kiss? (Forehead, cheek, hand, etc.)

1. I honestly have no guilty pleasure so to speak. In real life, I am known as the nerdy book lover who knows every Disney movie by heart and has a collection of almost 500 Funko Pops. I am a walking guilty pleasure. BUT not many people know I love wrestling, mostly because I dread the "two talks":

a) But do you know it's fake?!?!?

(And because I'm a girl)

b) So you watch it for the hot naked guys?!?!

That being said, I am currently outing myself as wrestling fan because all I wear are my FTR shirts on repeat and people ask me about it.

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2. One?! You're killing me! Okay, I can do a top 4:

“You're mad, bonkers, completely off your head, but I'll tell you a secret... all of the best people are.”

Alice in Wonderland

"Your name is a golden bell hung in my heart."

The Last Unicorn (I actually have this tattooed around my wrist)

"Curiousity is the strongest force in the universe because it can overcone the two strongest braking forces in the universe: reason, and fear."

The City of Dreaming Books (losely translated by me)

Never cowardly or cruel. Never give up. Never give in .

Doctor Who

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3. Our dogs greeting me when I come home, the smell of freshly mowed lawn, and having some comments/notifications on my writing.

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4. I am not that much into owning an exotic animal. I like fluffy cute ones that I can pet and cuddle...so, if you want to count it as exotic, definitely a fennec. Those huge ears. And they're foxes 🤩

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5. Decaydance Fest 2007. My three favorite bands at the time in one evening: Fall Out Boy, The Academy Is, and Cobra Starship. I was in heaven. And at the end of it, I got to meet the singer of CS, Gabe Saporta. Such a nice guy, and to this day, the only celebrity I've met.

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6. Oh my...a tough call. I am generally never proud of anything, because I am a rather mediocre person. Okay at a lot of things, but not good at anything specific. If you're calling me out like this, I'll say this: I am proud I finally started writing (again). Is it my anchor in stormy weather.

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7. The Holy Trinity of places I want to visit: Chicago, Ireland, Iceland.

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8. The first that came to my mind is Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. A weirdo, a loner, but a dedicated friend. I love her so much.

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9. No. 1 will forever be Cash Wheeler/FTR. Because these two little shitheads helped me so much with conquering my depression. For years, I haven't done anything I've enjoyed in the past. And they got me back into writing and drawing. And I've met some of the greatest people because we share the love for FTR. I basically owe them every good thing I have in life right now. ( I always get so freaking emotional when it's about these two)

No. 2: Christian Cage. My first real wrestling crush, and I still love him today

No. 3: Trent Beretta. He's just so criminally underrated. I feel like everybody is sleeping on him. And he is so hilarious. And gorgeous.

No. 4: MJF. Everything he touches turns to gold. And he's still so young. It's only gonna get better from here on. And I can't wait to see what he can do.

No. 5: Kenny Omega. I have said it before, but there is just something about the way he moves in the ring. It's almost poetic. I get mezmerized every time he wrestles.

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10. RUMO by Walter Moers. It's just so beautiful. Everything about it. But literally any of his Zamonia books are wonderful. I could ramble on about it forever it, but I'm biting my tongue right now.

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11. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Doctor Who, Marvel, Batman, and Disney are my main thing. And the Zamonia fandom mentioned above.

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12. It's either Edward Scissorhands (first movie that made me cry because I connected so much with Edward) or V for Vendetta. And, of course, the Lord of the Rings movies.

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13. Chris Evans.

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14. First a vet, until I realized I had to put animals down. So no, thank you. Then a lawyer, but I'm too stupid for that, then a profiler. But that wasn't a real thing in Germany back in the day.

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15. Fall Out Boy. I've loved them since I was a teenager, and I've grown up with them. I will (hopefully) never get sick of them.

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16. I wish Halloween had been a thing here in Germany when I was younger. I would've loved getting all dressed up. In my heart, I just know it's my favorite holiday, even though I've never REALLY celebrated it.

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17. Hmmm, I don't know. Pining? What I do love are slowburn stories. Because although I can imagine crushing on someone right away, it will forever be a mystery to me how people can fall in love so fast. I'm such a slow person with this... probably why my ass is still single, noone has enough time for slow me.

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18. The two sexiest traits in my opinion: humor and intelligence. There is nothing hotter than a guy that can make me laugh and have a deep conversation with me about anything. That's borderline orgasmic.

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19. Storms. I'm not sure if one can tell by my writing *cough*, but I am not a summer, beach type of Person. I get a sunburn so easily, I even once had a heatstroke. No fun. The sun just doesn't like me all that much.

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20. An ex always kissed the tip of my nose. It was so intimate and innocent at the same time. And I am such a sucker for temple kisses. I love these so much, that's probably why they're in almost every fanfic I ever wrote.