#but i decided i’ll also draw a dragon in the next day ToT

[poqu]

sea dragons

[redstarwriting]

Us

Stephen Strange x Reader

Request: “If your requests are still open, can we have doctor Strange unlocking the knowledge of his past lives and finds out that the reader (who he had drove away prior to becoming a sorcerer by being his usual mean self) is actually his soulmate? If it can be angst with a happy ending that would be amazing, but mostly I leave that up to you?”

Word Count: 1,732

Genre: Angst | Fluff

Warnings: Swearing, The Ghost of Stephen Past

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long to get out. Even though online school is easier, the work is still no joke. I also received the opportunity to read for Lennox in Macbeth for one of the director’s thesis plays next year, so I’ve been dealing with that. I’ve also been drawing a lot. And sleeping. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. Thank you so much for the request, Anon. I love writing for Stephen, so this was fun. Also, I hope the angst was okay. I’ve been having serious doubts in my writing recently so I feel like I could have done better, but I hope it suffices and meets your expectations. Enjoy!

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This was foolish. Stephen shouldn’t have come here. He knew it was a bad idea and yet, here he was. Standing outside of your apartment. He’s been standing there for the past seven minutes, debating whether or not he should knock. This is stupid, he’s literally the Sorcerer Supreme for fuck’s sake, but when it comes to you, he loses all his cool. It’s always been that way. That’s partially the reason you were no longer in his life. He frowns to himself at the memory. You didn’t deserve the way he spoke to you that day. Well, you never deserved the way he treated you, and he knew that. But regardless, he was always awful. He sighs to himself.

If only he didn’t look into his past lives. This wouldn’t be a problem he would be facing. But he did. And now he was here.

A knock brought him out of his thoughts, and he looked down to see Cloak wrapped around his arm and moving it for him. He glared at his own hand before the door opened. His breath stopped when he saw you again. You were still in your scrubs, a coffee mug in your hand. It was 9 AM. And you always were partial to taking the graveyard shift.

You two stare at each other for a moment before you begin closing the door again. “(Y/N), wait, I can explain why I’m here,” Stephen silently curses his panicky voice as he puts his hand on the door, preventing you from shutting it. “I don’t care why you’re here and I don’t care why you’re dressed like a character from Dungeons and Dragons,” you mumble, trying to close the door anyway but to no avail. Stephen frowns as you shoot him a glare. “Let go of my door, Stephen.”

“(Y/N), please, I just wanted to-”

“Let. Go.”

“(Y/N), I’m sorry.”

You stare at him a moment no readable expression on your face, before bursting out into laughter. “You’re sorry? Wow, okay. You’re a little late for that, Stephen,” you say, albeit taken aback just a bit. Stephen never said he was sorry about anything before. He wouldn’t even lie and say he was sorry. “I know, I know I’m late and I know that everything I did to you was uncalled for and mean and I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I really just needed to see you and hear your voice again.”

You hate that that made your heart flutter.

You turn away from him to hide your blush, sitting your coffee down. “We haven’t talked in a year and a half, Stephen. The last thing you ever said to me was ‘the only person I need is myself, I don’t know what gave you the idea that I needed you.’ Why did you need to hear my voice so badly now,” you ask, refusing to turn towards him, opting instead to sort through your mail that you already sorted through. You just didn’t want to look at him. You were afraid looking at him would bring the pain back and you didn’t feel like crying right now. You were already exhausted. Stephen frowned, remembering that night. He was such an idiot. Why would he say that? Oh, yeah. Because he was a narcissistic asshole. He still is, but to a lesser degree. He still hadn’t walked into your apartment; he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries. Not with you. Not again. “Because you’re my soulmate,” he answers bluntly, and you nearly give yourself whiplash turning to look at him. “I’m sorry, what the hell did you just say?”

“Okay, hear me out. I’m a sorcerer now. And well, I was kind of messing around with time and decided to look into my past lives. Without a doubt, you were always there. Every time. I know that I messed up, I really do, but… I need you. We need each other. It’s literally fate for us to be together (Y/N).”

You just stare at him with no expression again. He stares back, taking in your obviously tired form. A flash of concern crossed his face for a moment. Perhaps he shouldn’t have come. You needed sleep; he was keeping you awake. He was about to apologize again, leaving promptly after when he was snapped out of his worry for your exhaustion and began to worry because you were crying. He didn’t even realize he was walking over to you to pull you into his arms until you were already engulfed in his embrace. He began stroking your hair, trying to soothe you. “God, Stephen you’re such a fucking idiot,” you say through tears and he frowns. “I-”

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear that from you? Do you have any idea how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep because I missed your arms around me? Do you know how lonely I’ve been?!” you cut him off, and he finds the corners of his mouth turn downward. He hadn’t meant to hurt you so bad. He really was an idiot. “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I always thought those words. I suppose that’s why I pushed you away. I was scared of how much I needed you,” he confesses, shocking even himself with the words. He looks down at you at the same exact moment you look up at him. Even with your tired expression and tear stained cheeks, you were the most beautiful person he’d ever laid his eyes on. “Oh my God you are such an asshole!” He smiled at that, noting the actual behavior behind your words. After all, if you really believed he was an asshole, you would have pushed him away, tased him, and called the cops by know. He knew you, and he knew you didn’t mess around. Especially not with him. “If you would be willing to let us try this again, I promise, I won’t hurt you like I did before,” he says, his arms finding their way around your waist. You sigh, leaning into him and wrapping your arms around his torso, getting a much-needed hug from the man you never fell out of love with. “You get one more chance, Strange. Fuck it up again and I’m done.”

“I won’t fuck up again, (Y/N). I promise you that.” You two just stand in each other’s embrace for a moment before you yawn, causing Stephen to swiftly pick you up and begin tot carry you to your room. You don’t protest, after all you really did just want to sleep. “You need to stop taking the graveyard shifts, (Y/N),” he mumbles, and a small smilie finds its way across your face. He always used to say that to you. The only difference is that this time you could hear the concern in his voice. That was a nice change. He put you back down next to your bed, picking up the lounging clothes you had laid out for yourself for when you got home and tossing them to you. You immediately changed, excited to finally fall asleep. It had been a night at the hospital. You wiggle your way under your covers, immediately getting comfortable. Stephen smiles at you, stroking your hair before heading to leave. “Wait.”

“Yes?” he asks, turning around to face you. There was no possible way you’d want him to stay with you, was there? He wouldn’t say no, but even back before you’d barely make him sleep with you during the day. You knew he was busy, and you didn’t want to keep him from his work. “Could you… tell me about us? Like, us in the past…? Maybe?” He smiles, finding his way over to your bed, and sitting down. To his surprise, you move your body, so your head is on his lap. He smiles, beginning to stroke your hair. “Of course, I’ll start in 1915. We met on the battlefield of World War I, I was from London, you were from New York…”

You never got tired of hearing your love stories. No matter how tragic the end, Stephen was always there with you. And the same would go for this lifetime. And the next one.

[mojo72400]

Hamiltots based on hamil-tots.tumblr.com chapter 4

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  

One day while Alex and Eliza were playing house, he was writing a note to Angelica inviting her to play with him tomorrow. He already told Eliza that he was gonna play with Angelica tomorrow. After he wrote the letter, he got up and went to Angelica’s cubby to put his letter before returning to the table to do some drawings.

Eliza was finished making their pretend dinner and went to Alex’s table and said, “Take a break”.

“I am on my way” he replied.

“Supper’s ready and it cannot wait” she said.

“I'll be there in just a minute, save my plate” he said as he continued drawing.

“Alexander” she angrily glared at him.

“Okay, okay” he said as he left his table to eat Eliza’s pretend dinner with her. After dinner, Alex got back to his table and this time, he started to practice writing his name.

A few minutes later, Mr. Washington called the class “Alright kids, nap time”. The kids stopped playing and went to get mats, pillows, and blankets for nap time. Eliza and Alex had to stop playing house for a while since it’s nap time. Unbeknownst to Eliza as she prepared her mat, pillow and blanket, Alex was still writing. As she laid down to sleep on her mat, she would usually hold Alex’s hand during nap time but when she turned around, Alex’s nap spot was empty, and she saw him still writing.

She got up from her nap mat and approached Alex and said “Alexander, come to sleep”.

“Let me finish, filling this paper with my name” Alex said.

“But you just started on a new one” Eliza said.

“I know, I just need to write something down” he said.

“Why do you write like you're running out of time?” Eliza said before Alex gently shushed her “Come fix up your mat, that would be enough” she continued.

“I'll be there before you know I'm awake” he said.

“Please go to sleep” she said.

“I’ll finish this paper” he said.

“Well, I'm going back to sleep” she said as she headed back to her nap mat.

“Hey” he stopped her and kissed her hand “best of play wives and best of girls”.

She went back to her nap mat and fell sleep before Alex followed and fell asleep, holding her hand.

The next day, Angelica met Alex outside the classroom and said to him “In a letter I received from you yesterday, I noticed a comma in the middle of a phrase. It changed the meaning; did you mean to do this? One punctuation mark and you didn’t make me sleep at nap time yesterday, it says: “My dearest Angelica”. With a comma after dearest, you've written “My dearest, Angelica””.

“Yeah, you’re a close friend and playmate, Angelica” Alex said which made Angelica blush shyly.

‘He really does care about me’ Angelica thought.

“So, what do you wanna play, Angelica?” he asked her.

“Let’s play knights and princesses but this time, I’ll be the knight and you’ll be the prince” Angelica said.

“Okay” Alex agreed before the two ran off inside the classroom to the dress up chest. Alex found a helmet, a sword, and a shield while Alex found a crown. The two went outside with Alex bringing a stuffed dragon from the classroom.

A few minutes later after setting things up, they started playing.

“Help, I am locked in this tower that is guarded by a dragon. Someone save me.” Alex said while dressed as a prince inside the playset.

Angelica dressed as knight came to the playset, saying “Don’t worry, Prince Alex, I will save you”.

Angelica ran to the stuffed dragon sitting in front of her and with on swift strike from the toy sword, the stuffed dragon fell to the side. She entered the playset and took Alex by his hand and they both escaped from the playset using the slide. Once they exited the playset, Alex gave Angelica a hug.

“My hero” he said before kissing her on the cheek causing Angelica to be surprised.

A blushing Angelica thought ‘This day was fun’.

A few months later, The Schuyler Sisters weren’t at school because they were having a vacation upstate with their family from Saturday to Monday.

Alex was doing his usual routine, playing with his friends, drawing, and writing. After finishing his usual routine, Alex felt bored. Nothing was the same without either Eliza or Angelica since they both made playtime more fun than with his usual friends. He can’t even survive one day without them even though they’re returning today. He was longing for Angelica, missing Eliza, that's when Miss Maria Lewis walked into his life.

“Hey Alex, do you wanna play house with me?”

‘She was so pretty’ Alex thought ‘Lord, show me how to say no to this. I don't know how to say no to this. But my God, she looks so bored and helpless and her looks are saying, "Heck, yes"’. Alex looked around the room to make sure no one was looking.

“Okay” he said. He really couldn’t say no to this.

The two had fun playing house together but when Alex gave Maria a goodbye kiss as left the house to go to work, Maria surprised him by giving him a “grown-up kiss”. Alex was surprised when he felt her lips pressed on his, and since he’s a gentleman, it would be rude to push her away. In his mind, he’s tryin' to go (go, go, go), then her mouth is on his, and he doesn't say no. The kiss only lasted for 2-3 seconds.

Once she broke off the kiss, she apologized to Alex “Sorry, I just want to make it a bit realistic”.

“Don’t be” Alex said, “It’s okay to be realistic”. Later at nap time, they both placed their nap mats next to each other and they both slept, holding hands. Unbeknownst to Alex, Jefferson and Madison were watching the whole time, they watched them play house and even watched them take a nap together before Madison and Jefferson also fell asleep at nap time.

After nap time, Maria was playing with her friends and Alex was practice his handwriting when Jefferson and Madison approached Alex.

“We saw what you did” Jefferson told Alex.

“Did what?” Alex asked.

“You were playing house with Maria” Jefferson replied causing Alex to widen his eyes in shock. “She even gave you a “grown-up kiss””.

“You even held hands with her while you two took a nap together” Madison said.

“Please don’t tell anyone especially Eliza” Alex begged them.

“We won’t tell anyone unless you tell them yourself” Jefferson said.

“Fine, I’ll do it” Alex said.

‘I can’t believe I agreed to do this’ Alex thought.

On the following day, Alex shared multiple printed copies of “The Lewis Letter”. His friends were disgusted by his actions refused to play with him throughout the entire day.

Eliza was crying after reading the letter and her sisters were comforting her before Angelica approached Alex and angrily said to him “I know my sister like I know my own mind, you will never find anyone as trusting or as kind. I love my sister more than anything in this life I will choose her happiness over mine every time. Put what we had aside, I'm standing at her side. You could never be satisfied, God, I hope you're satisfied”. After she had said this, she went to back to comfort Eliza and gave Alex the silent treatment.

Alex felt guilty about what he did, and he decided to make himself a better person and publicly apologize for his actions tomorrow.

He did what he promised himself on the following day and after a long, heartfelt speech on how terribly sorry he was and how he meant it, he was welcomed back by his friends and Eliza with open arms.

Later that day, Maria approached him and apologized to him, saying “I’m sorry for being the reason that everyone was mad at you”.

Alex smiled and said to her “It’s okay, it’s my fault since I should’ve been the better person and said no and kept my promise to Eliza. Now, enough talk about being sorry, the past is in the past, let’s all go play”. The class cheered in agreement and excitement as Alex and his friends decided to go outside the classroom and play.

based on @hamil-tots

[themurphyzone]

104 Words for 104 Days: Dynasty Part 2: Fortress

Dynasty Part 1: Princess here!

“My favorite jewel is jade, my dog’s name is Pinky, and my hobby is feeding ducks in the palace garden,” Isabella said.

Silence reigned while the girls struggled to figure out her lie.

“I think it’s the hobby. You seem like a calligraphy type to me,” Millie said.

Holly shook her head. “She can do both. I’d like to say the dog is the lie, but I didn’t notice any tells in her body language.”

Isabella smiled serenely as the girls debated among themselves. She kept her knees folded under her, humming cheerfully to herself. What kind of hereditary monarch would she be if she didn’t know to lie convincingly?

There was a metallic thump above them, and Master Perry gestured for silence. The girls assumed a defensive position with their sashes at the ready. Isabella quickly copied their stance, though they’d formed a defensive perimeter around her so she wasn’t in immediate danger just yet.

When the thump sounded again, Master Perry flicked an open fan into each palm and pointed them towards an open window. He held his stance as the sound of pattering feet overwhelmed the clack of the Dragon Train’s wheels.

Then there was silence, only broken by Adyson’s sneeze.

“SPIIIIIIIIICCCYYYY!”

Dozens of lumpy brown gremlins swarmed in through the windows, screaming in raspy tones about invaders and something called a ‘taco’. Master Perry lashed out with his fans and tail, knocking the nearest ones into their comrades, but they didn’t stay down for long.

“Hold your position, girls!” Gretchen shouted. Her sash wrapped around the nearest gremlins, who screeched as it was unceremoniously flung about like a makeshift mace.

Holly and Ginger pressed against Isabella, kicking away anyone who was foolhardy enough to attack a princess. Isabella slammed her sandal against a gremlin’s beady eyes, stunning it long enough for Holly to snatch it up and throw it into the horde.

Adyson climbed onto a seat cushion, leaping onto the back of an unusually large gremlin who was about to charge Katie. Katie shouted her thanks and rushed to help Millie fend off several bite-happy gremlins.

But for every gremlin they pushed back, three more took its place. There were too many to fight effectively.

Master Perry hurled a gremlin against the wall, nodding in grim satisfaction when it sat there and rubbed its head instead of coming back for more. His focus snapped to Gretchen, who was having trouble pulling her sash free from a gremlin’s claws.

Then Isabella noticed the gremlin look up, shriek, and edge away from the oil lamp hanging above its head. In fact, the gremlins all seemed to be avoiding the oil lamps as much as possible. Well, its head was also its entire body, but she didn’t have time to think about the weird proportions.

The oil lamp! They were scared of the oil lamp! But everyone was too preoccupied to notice, so Isabella knew she had to take matters into her own hands. They couldn’t tire themselves out before storming the fortress!

When Holly and Ginger shifted their positions, Isabella took her chance and darted between them, ignoring their protests as she vaulted onto the seat and unhooked the oil lamp from the wall. Several of the gremlins clambered onto the seat after her, but stopped short when she held the lamp in their direction. They backed away, hissing furiously.

“Everybody, stop!” Isabella yelled, holding up the lamp. She held onto the seat for balance as the Dragon Train hit a particularly large bump.

The gremlins ceased immediately. Gretchen’s sash was released and she tumbled back. Master Perry steadied her so she didn’t lose her balance completely.

“That’s better,” Isabella said, lowering the lamp but holding it near her hip in case the gremlins tried anything. “My name is Princess Isabella of the Tri-Province Area. I don’t want to harm any of you, but I’m also not afraid to use this lamp if necessary. Now, will you send your leader or a representative to come forward so we can talk things out like civilized beings?”

The gremlins pointed to the largest among their group, who was being held down by Katie and Adyson.

“Release him, girls,” Isabella ordered.

Reluctantly, the Firesong Girls let him go. Isabella sat down, patting the space next to her invitingly. The large gremlin sauntered up to the seat, barking at the closest minion to throw himself down so he could be used as a stepstool.

“Your name and status?” Isabella asked.

“Supreme Potato!” the gremlin rasped.

“And your reason for attacking us?” Isabella gestured for the Firesong Girls to stand down, especially Gretchen, who looked ready to throw the gremlins out the nearest window.

The Supreme Potato hissed. “Invaders!”

His accusation was chorused by the other gremlins, who shook their fists until Master Perry pointed to another oil lamp within his reach. They fell back with a whimper.

“We invaded your territory?”

“Spicy!” the Supreme Potato shrieked, which didn’t answer her question. But it appeared to be the resounding battle cry among the gremlins.

“On behalf of my group, I apologize for invading your territory, but I assure you that we wouldn’t do it without good reason, nor do we have any quarrel with you. You see, our friends were kidnapped by Doofus Khan and are being held at his supposedly inescapable fortress. I can only assume his Mongol army will be there too. We’re on a rescue mission and would like safe passage for this trip and the return journey.”

“Mongol smash! Mongol eat Tater Tot!” the Supreme Potato snarled.

“Tater Tot!” a gremlin wailed. Several others patted his back in sympathy.

The Supreme Potato pounded his fists together. “Potato help Cessa! Spicy!”

“SPICY!” the gremlins screamed, stomping their feet against the metallic floor.

“Everyone, we’re approaching the Inescapable Fortress of Inescapableness!” Millie yelled from a window on the far side of the compartment. “There’s no way we could possibly miss it! The place is huge!”  

Gretchen tapped Isabella on the shoulder, leaning in with an unsure look on her face. “Does this mean we’re allies…with gremlins?”

Isabella nodded firmly. “There’s bound to be lots of soldiers. The gremlins can keep them all occupied.” She turned to the Supreme Potato. “We’ll ally with you for today. Would you guys mind keeping the army busy?”

The Supreme Potato spat into his hand, coating it with saliva and white mush. Then he held it out to her with a wide grin.

“Shake!” he yelled.

Isabella wrinkled her nose, gripping the Supreme Potato’s wrist and shaking firmly. The gremlins cheered, but the Firesong Girls and Master Perry looked rather nauseous.

“First order of business,” Isabella declared, holding her hand away from her body. It smelled even worse than it looked. “A canteen of water to wash…whatever this stuff is.”

o-o-o-o-o

The Dragon Train stopped just short of the giant drawbridge and moat, ruining Isabella’s first idea of waiting until dark and attacking while everyone was asleep.

The Inescapable Fortress of Inescapableness was enormous and sprawled out as far as the eye could see, though Isabella lived in a palace, so she was used to everything being enormous. The Firesong Girls oohed and ahhed at the many watchtowers that lined the outer walls. Guards traded grunts as they exchanged shifts, the gremlins growling and punching the air in anticipation.

“Hey, guys!” Glenda poked her head in, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead. “This is the farthest the Dragon Train can go. I’ll be busy unloading supplies and taking inventory, so y’all have fun storming the fortress, okay? Just come back when you’re through and I’ll take ya home!”

“Thanks, Glenda!” Isabella exclaimed.

“Anything for you, girlie,” Glenda called over her shoulder. She shut and locked the door behind her.

Master Perry kept everyone from rushing out the doors of the Dragon Train, positioning himself at the front to make sure no guard entered their compartment.

“First, we need to get in. Then figure out where the boys are imprisoned,” Gretchen said, tracing a pattern on the floor.

“I want to go after Doofus Khan directly. When he kidnapped me, he laid a lot of traps. I expect he’ll do the same thing here,�� Isabella said.  

Every Firesong Girl except Adyson nodded their agreement. “But you’re the princess! What if something happened to you?” Adyson protested.

Master Perry chattered and laid on his hand on Isabella’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Adyson. Master Perry will ensure my safety,” Isabella assured her. “And besides, what do you think Doofus Khan is for when I encounter his traps?”

The Firesong Girls burst into laughter, even Adyson, who still seemed worried but decided to trust Isabella’s word.

“And the gremlins can do…whatever gremlins do when they raid fortresses,” Gretchen said. “I don’t think they’ll be following orders any time soon.”

“Never!” the Supreme Potato screamed.

Isabella suspected the only reason the gremlins hadn’t charged off immediately was due to the raised drawbridge. If they wanted access to the fortress, then tricking the Mongol army into lowering their guard would be their first step.

Ginger raised her hand, drawing all attention to her. “Nobody can resist a Firesong Girl cupcake! We’ll just employ persuasive techniques!”

Fortunately, the Supreme Potato agreed to hold his forces back until the Firesong Girls knocked out the guards and seized control of the drawbridge. But after that, all bets were off.

“Isabella and Master Perry, you’ll slip in behind the gremlins, find Doofus Khan, and free the boys,” Gretchen said. “The rest of us will keep your path clear.”

Isabella nodded, and Master Perry gave a thumbs up.

Millie found several empty boxes under a seat and convinced some of the more patient but no less battle-hungry gremlins to hide in them so the Mongol army would really just believe they were a group of dedicated and innocent Firesong Girls. Except for Isabella, each girl stepped off the train with a boxful of gremlins.

Plastering on their best cute faces, the Firesong Girls marched up to the moat.

“Hello, would you like to buy some Firesong Girl cupcakes?” Gretchen shouted at the nearest guard, who peered down curiously.

“Freshly baked!” Millie exclaimed.

“Comes in several flavors! Your choice of low calorie!” Holly added.

Katie smiled as the guard stroked his beard in thought. “No artificial flavors or preservatives!”

That seemed to do the trick. The guard’s eyes lit up and he excitedly pointed out the Firesong Girls to his friend, who started shouting for the drawbridge to be lowered.

“CUPCAKES!” he roared, the call being taken up by every guard in the vicinity, even the ones who were probably meant to be supervisors.

The drawbridge lowered with a heavy thud, several men panting from turning the heavy crank, though they cheered up at the sight of the boxes. Several guards rushed across the drawbridge, and Gretchen negotiated a slightly high but reasonable price with their leader.

Isabella made a mental note to commend Gretchen’s charisma to Lady Firesong. Really, the girl had been working towards that patch for years. She’d learned a lot from experience and Isabella’s quick suggestions on perfecting her techniques.

The Firesong Girls waved their new silver pieces in the air triumphantly as the guards hurried back to the fortress with the boxes in hand.

They didn’t have the chance to raise the drawbridge.

One guard eagerly opened a box, only for his face to be mauled by an irate potato gremlin. The rest of the gremlins tore the boxes apart, rushing at the surprised guards, who didn’t even have their weapons on them. The first batch of Mongols were going down quickly, and the Firesong Girls seized control of the drawbridge crank to make sure nobody could raise it before their timely escape.

“FOR TATER TOT AND SPICY TACOS!” the Supreme Potato screamed, leading the rest of the gremlins into the fortress and chomping on some poor guy’s mustache.

“SPICY! SPICY! SPICY!” the gremlins chanted.

“FRENCH FRY!” the Mongols shouted back.

“FRENCH FRY NO SPICY!”

Seizing their chance, Isabella and Master Perry crossed the drawbridge and hid behind a stack of crates. Their presence was unnoticed through all the chaos.

“So much for a formidable army,” Isabella whispered as Adyson and Holly wrapped their sashes around the legs of a guard and toppled him. The Firesong Girls and gremlins had the situation well in hand, as Isabella expected.

“Seriously, guys?” a high-pitched voice protested above the fray. “As your leader, I get first pick of any Firesong cupcakes that come to the drawbridge. It’s literally written in your contracts!”

Isabella and Master Perry exchanged a glance, poking their heads around the crates.

“Doofus Khan!” Isabella exclaimed quietly, eyes narrowing at the sight of the Mongol leader. He had a new fur cape, and his beard was much scruffier than last time, but she would recognize him anywhere. Master Perry placed his hand on her arm, a silent warning against acting too soon.

“Sir, we’re under attack!” a guard cried, swatting a gremlin aside.

But Doofus Khan didn’t notice, too busy lamenting the lack of Firesong cupcakes and what they did to his waistline as he passed by several Mongol soldiers being dogpiled by Gretchen, Millie, and gremlins of varying sizes. He disappeared into the open doorway of a nearby tower.

When the path was clear, Isabella and Master Perry rushed after him.

“-so hard to find good help these days. But does Roger Khan have these problems? Of course not. I bet his army would let him have first pick of Firesong cupcakes. Guess this is why I got command of the outpost nobody wanted.”

Isabella and Master Perry followed him through the stone hallway, close enough to hear him but keeping their distance so he wasn’t alerted to their presence just yet. Their footsteps echoed along the floors, but Doofus Khan wasn’t known for his alertness, so it didn’t concern them.

The hallway opened into a large chamber filled with animal hides, a few banners, and not much else except dampness and dull gray. It was pretty drab. Doofus Khan really needed to hire a better interior designer.

Doofus Khan sighed, taking his helmet off and running a hand through his messy hair. “Maybe gloating to my prisoners will cheer me up.” He sniffed the air, his nose poking into his fur cape for a brief moment. Then he coughed and wafted the air in front of his face. “And do some laundry later. Animal fur is way too stinky sometimes, but I gotta make sacrifices for the evil aesthetic.”

He took one step, paling when the stone sank underneath his boot. A giant fist instantly slammed him against the wall, a cloud of dust billowing from the Doofus Khan-shaped hole in the stone.

“I always…forget that’s…” Doofus Khan stumbled out of the hole, swaying into the path of a red laser beam.

Isabella and Master Perry ducked behind a corner while the animal heads fired laser beams at Doofus Khan.

“Yes, I think I’ll have the double mocha with a side of dumplings, Lisa,” Doofus Khan muttered, his clothing heavily charred. He collapsed, something small and golden glistening around his neck.

“The key!” Isabella gasped. Before Master Perry could stop her, she rushed over to Doofus Khan, weaving around a rain of arrows and barely avoiding the bite of an angry camel. “Come on, Master Perry! We’re saving the Tri-Province Area!”

She ripped the key from its string just as Master Perry chattered a warning. Isabella jumped back, her eyes widening when Doofus Khan regained consciousness much sooner than she expected. She quickly stored the key in her sleeve. If Doofus Khan couldn’t notice his own traps, she would just have to hope he didn’t notice the missing key.

The would-be conqueror rubbed his head. “Ow, what’s a Firesong Girl doing in here? Don’t they have a rule against trespassing in your organization?”

Isabella glared at him. All this effort, and he didn’t have the gall to recognize her? And don’t even get her started on the whole trespassing thing. For crying out loud, he was the one trespassing on her rightful inheritance!

“It’s Isabella,” she said, placing a hand behind her back to stop Master Perry from jumping in. Neither of them knew where the boys were kept. If anything, this would work in their favor.

Doofus Khan stood up, dusting off his clothes. “Look Isabella the Firesong Girl, if you don’t have any cupcakes to sell, do you mind leaving? I have some very important evil gloating I’d like to get to.”

“Will this help?” Isabella asked. She quickly replaced her orange hairbow with a purple one.

“Princess Isabella!” Doofus Khan shrieked. Then he tried to compose himself, trying to appear like a dignified Mongol leader. Of course, it was a little difficult when he was still smoking from his own laser beams. “I mean, of course I knew it was you all along! Thanks for falling into my trap, Princess!”

The floor opened behind Doofus Khan.

“Actually, it looks like you’re gonna fall into your own,” Isabella said.  

Doofus Khan scrabbled at the edge of the gaping pitfall before managing to haul himself up.

“Man, I really should label these traps. Or invest in some crash test dummies. But then I’d have to buy those little stickers and I just don’t feel like going to the market most of the time cause it stinks of camel and weird perfume…” Doofus Khan grumbled. “Anyway, there’s a dungeon cell with your name on it, Princess. Not literally, cause I don’t have those labeled, but metaphorically speaking. And with you imprisoned and the Great Wall unfinished, Regent Monogram and the Tri-Province Area will be completely helpless! I’ll install my own Doof Dynasty! Have my own pottery line! Take that, Roger Khan! Who’s the loser who gets picked last in every equine kickball game now?”

Isabella rolled her eyes. Clearly, he had some issues.

o-o-o-o-o

Three giant hammers, one hungry tiger, and too many flaming kickballs later, Isabella and Doofus Khan finally made it to the dungeon. Part of his fur cape was still on fire, and Isabella actually felt grateful for the dungeon cell because it meant getting away from that awful animal stench.

“Alright, in you go. Enjoy imprisonment with your new skeleton buddy,” Doofus Khan said, shoving her into a cell across the room from the boys she was trying to rescue. The triangle headed one seemed especially worried, narrowing his eyes at Doofus Khan. “You like him? I got dozens.”

Doofus Khan swept his arm across the room, indicating the broken skeletal pieces scattered across the dungeon. “Yeah, they’re leftovers from my bachelor party. The merchant wouldn’t take them back,” he sighed, but cheered up quickly upon seeing the state of the boys. “And just how are my other prisoners?”

“You won’t get away this, Doofus Khan!” Phineas shouted. “Princess, are you hurt? What’s your pain level on a scale of one to ten?”

Doofus Khan rolled his eyes. “Sheesh, I didn’t go through the trouble of kidnapping you just to hear all these cliché lines, kid.”

“Don’t worry!” Isabella called. “I’m alright!”

She gingerly pushed the skeleton away from her cot.

“One thousand five hundred twenty-six, one thousand five hundred twenty-seven,” Baljeet grunted, shoving a tiny spoon into the floor and tossing a meager amount of soil over his shoulder. “Buford, you’re supposed to be helping!”

Buford shrugged. “I’m supervising!”

“Hey, more despair and less escaping back there!” Doofus Khan yelled. Then he glanced at Ferb, whose face betrayed no emotion as he supported his brother. “How are you holding up?”

Ferb blinked.

“He won’t use his speaking line quota for a power-hungry dictator,” Phineas retorted.

“Suit yourself,” Doofus Khan said, turning to the only other guy in the dungeon. “What about you, scribe? If you need anything, I’m not getting it.”

“I’m hungry. I could use something to eat. Need food. Starving,” the scribe rasped from his place on the floor, a hand reaching up weakly.

“Eh, you can hold on until dinner. There’s still two hours before you’re due for stale rice.”

“Feed me…” the scribe moaned, but his cries were ignored,

“Without the precious princess and saviors of the Tri-Province Area, Regent Monogram will have no choice but to surrender. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me!” Doofus Khan cackled.

There was a flash of movement by the staircase, and the next moment Doofus Khan was extracting himself from a skeleton’s ribcage. “What the?” he gasped, almost poking out his eye as he clumsily got to his feet.

Master Perry chattered, beckoning Doofus Khan closer with a deliberate wave of his finger.

“Ancient warrior Perry the Platypus!” Doofus Khan’s eyes narrowed. “You look like you could use a little humerus in your life!” He ripped an arm bone from the skeleton, launching himself at Master Perry.

“That is an ulna!” Baljeet shouted.

“Don’t ruin my battle puns!” Doofus Khan retorted, the distraction allowing Master Perry to slap him in the face multiple times.  

While Master Perry engaged Doofus Khan in battle, Isabella used the opportunity to slip through a large space between the bars of her cell. Good thing conquerors weren’t known for their superior planning skills.

Isabella flicked her arm, the key tumbling out of her sleeve and into her hand. For some reason, Phineas’ face was the same shade of red as his hair. She decided not to question it though.

Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet, and Buford burst out of the cell the moment the door unlocked. Even the scribe was behind them, though it didn’t look like it would take much to knock him off his feet.

“No! They’re escaping!” Doofus Khan screamed, swiping at the air ineffectually with one arm while Master Perry held the other firmly behind his back. “Oh man, even the scribe! Now how am I supposed to lie about my taxes? It’ll take forever just to find a new guy!”

“You’ll never get my kingdom, Doofus Khan!” Isabella said. “Not as long as we have anything to say about it! Oh, I almost forgot. Regent Monogram wanted me to deliver this.”

She pressed the scroll into his hand and joined the boys at the staircase, who high-fived her for a rescue job well done.  

Master Perry released Doofus Khan, allowing him to sit up. Doofus Khan unfurled the scroll halfway before knitting his eyebrows in disgust.

“This picture looks nothing like me! Nobody’s worn that mustache and beard combo since the Han Dynasty! At least mine is modern! Well, modern for 1542. Depends on where you are in space-time I guess,” Doofus Khan complained, then looked at Master Perry, who was standing next to a rock labeled ‘load-bearing stone’.

Master Perry removed the rock, and the entire dungeon trembled.

“No! Don’t remove the conveniently labeled load-bearing stone!” Doofus Khan screamed. “Oh sure, of all the things I could’ve labeled, it had to be that one!”

“Let’s get out of here!” Isabella shouted. She tugged Phineas along, who didn’t even protest when she sharply yanked him out of the way of a falling boulder.

“Curse you, ancient warrior Perry the Platypus! Curse you, Princess Isabella and the Firesong Girls! Curse you, inaccurate representation of 1542 Mongolia! You know, I have a lot of things to curse so I’m definitely gonna be here a while!”

o-o-o-o-o

Modern Day: An archaeological presentation on Ming Dynasty pottery in an unspecified building.

“And so, the Inescapable Fortress of Inescapableness collapsed, signaling the defeat of Doofus Khan’s army. Our brave princess, the Ming equivalent to our Fireside Girls, the saviors of the Tri-Province Area, the wise platypus warrior, and the Redundant Scribe of Redundantness, were welcomed home to an enormous parade. Gretchen received her Charisma Patch and a bonus Persistence Patch, because unlike today, the Firesong Girls were not barbarians. Isabella became leader of the Firesong Girls, the boys spent the rest of their days building the Great Wall, Doofus Khan kept cursing people in the ruins of his fortress, Master Perry taught an entirely new generation of warriors, and the potato gremlins waged war against the Mongol army until a magical three-humped camel descended from the heavens and taught them the value of peace, love, and fortune cookies. Which lasted until the Mongol army discovered chili cheese french fries. And that concludes my presentation on these historical Ming vases.”

“Really, Dave? Potato gremlins?” one of the judges sighed, lowering her shades and shaking her head. “I’m afraid we can’t let you into the Archaeological Society of Archaeology with something so ludicrous.”

“Nobody ever believes me about the potato gremlins…”