#but i chose to ignore it because fuck it
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A frustrating development with the growing lack of reading comprehension I've personally noticed is an emerging fervor of insisting things aren't canon unless they are explicitly stated beyond all reasonable doubt.
I can not emphasize enough how harmful a mindset this is to have. Yes, it's wonderful to have characters outright say "I'm trans," but to deny a character's identity for not saying that is dangerous.
Plenty of real people prefer not to use specific labels. Historically, people didn't have our modern terms or modes of expression. Many modern cultures don't use these terms, either, and plenty of people within those that do can't safely openly identify.
If the only representation you accept as canon is within modern (and let's be honest, wealthy white able-bodied American) standards, then you are denying yourself and others a huge amount of representation and seriously limiting the media around you.
#remembering how people were like hmm its not actually canon that Steve is trans and adam is nonbinary...#steve doesnt fucking know what 'trans' is hes an unhoused time traveling cowboy like!!!#after an arc. about werewolves. and how people become werewolves because theyre unhappy with their lives.#especially specifically regarding their body/gender#and how adam explicitly says 'your family never saw you as a man'#AND THEN FOLLOWS IT UP. with referring to Steve as 'the man who chose'#like for fucks sake#you are being deliberately and willfully ignorant if you say its not canon.#your ideas of transness are extremely extremely limited if it doesnt include people who dont use the word.#god. ugh. ive been annoyed by this since that episode came out#dont even get me started on how people barely noticed adam is nonbinary.mm#they said they dont wanna be called a boyfriend. come on!!! come on!!!!#how can i make it clearer without them saying shit they woildnt say and have no context for!!!!#scream.#anyways.#delete later lol im just frustrated again.#im not even sure i worded this how i wanted to
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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this isnt rlly a serious post more so than a thought I need to verbalize but like. there’s an INSANE difference between the fandom being like “hey what if jack was actually his age and got to be a little normal” vs y’all treating a grown ass man like he has to cover his ears when someone swears or sleep with a nightlight on because he’s afraid of the dark, and throwing the P word around to anyone who thinks he’s attractive. one of these things is not like the other.
#there’s a layer here about giving jack the childhood he specifically chose not to have#and ignoring his other choices because that’s just. idk a running theme with any character who struggles to have autonomy#but whatever idk#genuinely i think the past year or so that I’ve spent talking about this has burnt me out#either that or I’m just too fixated on VB to really care too much#like obviously I still care about it and wish more was done to help but it’s not really a warpath for me to walk currently#just.#I’m just tired dawg#it’s like talking to a deaf brick wall#please just do some research into infantilization I cannot keep having a one sided conversation with people who don’t care#spn#jack kline#baby jack#spn fandom#fandom critical#fandom ableism#tfw2.0#not even just ableism it’s the whole mischaracterization woobified bullshit all over again#and the using baby jack as a prop for everyone else but I digress#jack: *chose not to be a child and hates being seen as one and is more than willing to get violent if he thinks he has to*#y’all for some fucking reason: he’s just a widdle baby he can’t handle the scary movie he needs his daddies to take care of him#I’ve already said all these things before#i am tired. so tired
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I feel like I'm going insane. That episode read to me as a lot more tragic than other people are reading it. Yeah they were racist and rich and spoiled and awful but they were just kids. They were all just kids. Lindy was absolutely terrified throughout the whole thing and clinging desperately to what she knew, which was terrible. They could've had the chance to learn and become better but they chose to go die and it's infuriating and tragic because nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves to be eaten by slugs or die of exposure in the woods. Nobody deserves to suffer like that. But they chose it rather than let the Doctor help them because they'd rather stay in their rich white supremacist bubble and he just wants to help and there's nothing he can do.
Maybe it's because one of my core beliefs is that nobody deserves death and suffering. Nobody. Even the worst person on earth can learn from their mistakes and come back and change and everyone deserves that chance. There's no such thing as too late. But they're never going to get that chance because they actively rejected it and to me that's still very, very sad.
#dead men do tell tales#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#dot and bubble#I am losing my mind. I am actually losing my mind#maybe it's because my brain is always telling me that I'm the worst person alive#instead of just saying that no I'm not my response is to say yeah okay and even the worst person alive doesn't deserve to die and can chang#what matters is that I'm taking the next step. and anyone can choose at any point to take the next step#and they actively rejected doing that and it's sad and infuriating#because nobody deserves to die#but they get what they chose#there's also the fact that I was raised by racist trump supporters and had to unlearn a lot of shit#which I was only able to do because I got out of my small town cult bubble and I was actually willing to listen to people#the problem comes when you see assholes and go wow look at those horrible unsympathetic assholes I could never be like them#by treating them as solely monstrous and something completely different from you you ignore your own ability to be monstrous#because you're not like them you're better#even the worst person is still a person and not some cartoon villain#and thinks that their actions are justified#and I'm always looking at people being assholes and going what makes you think this behavior is okay. you clearly think you're in the right#seriously what makes you think this. I want to know your exact thought process so I can stay far the hell away from it#I've been the asshole thinking I was completely in the right and I've seen people be absolutely horrible and justify it to themselves#so I'm always aware that this could be me. I could be being a total fucking dick. so I'm going to study you so I can avoid that#also the next person who says it was because they didn't learn empathy/were unempathetic gets slapped
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Horus: im sorry, what did you sa-
Horse: since the high speaking doesnt get to you im gonna say it in a languaye your sorry ass can understand. See i am this family's LISTENER. While you were mad at your father for not listening to you EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE HIS FAVOURITE. I had the common decency to be there for my family because SOMEBODY has to. Trust me, getting horse plague does WONDERS for opening up people, once door came in while i was listening to marckus having his traumadump moment i fucking FORESAW him asking "brother are you alright" because WHAT ELSE HE SHOULD HAVE DONE
Horus: h- hang on just a second horse plagu-?
Horse: but you HAD to throw shit at the wall hoping it stuck, didnt you? Im closer to one of your brother's vehichles than to a human and yet even i can understand that sometimes its not the shit not being sticky enough but its the WALL. It never occurred to throw it at a tree, huh? No lets just keep hitting the white non stick walls with our excrement, because THATS gonna get us the attention that we need! No, listen. I was there for ALL OF MY FAMILY whenever they needed to. They brush and feed and heal me, and in exchange i listen to their daily problems. I live in this stable because i am a Fucking Horse. If you were in my situation, i bet you wouldnt settle for anything less than an entire COUNTRY where everyone is subject to you. Our Big D has reasons from hiding things from his sons. What the fuck makes you think you know better than your Big E, huh?
Horus: (crying in shame)
Magnus: wOAh. That was... heavy
Marckus: exactly man. I mean... who knew horse could talk!
Magnus: yeah I kn- wait wat
#welcome to the multiverse#emperors tts#hunter the parenting#horus#horse#yeah this is my realization of one thing#isnt it WEIRD that HTPs horus is... basically the family therapist?#since he should be horus and all that#and DONT YOU FUCKING DARE say that HTP is based on 30k and not 40k#cause thats bullshit#and also the only fallacy in this entire thing#which i chose to ignore SPECIFICALLY because thats how i see it#your problem now lmao
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8, 14, 23
For either of the Miyajis. Or both ;)
Ohhh, love this one! Thank you so much for sending the numbers! Of course, I will do both of them! To visually separate the post I will use the orange heart for Kiyoshi 🧡 and the yellow heart for Yuuya 💛
8. What's something that the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?
Kiyoshi 🧡 :
Of course it has to be the fandom's need to exaggerate Kiyoshi's bad temper and tendencies to say some foul things. My man has a bad temper, yes, but the fandom is acting like he can't chill, like everything pisses him off all the time and that just makes him look like a terrible person. We've seen him relaxed when he was walking with Taisuke after the exams that day. We know he is actually pretty generous and kind, he literally gave his personal items to Shintaro because they were his lucky items. We heard how genuine and sweet he can be when he finds Shintaro and Kazunari fooling around with the piano (from the special CD). People act like he is just angry all the time and ignore his better sides and all of his other qualities, hobbies and personality traits. He is just a little moody and irritable, like all of us are sometimes. He is just a human, he experiences ups and he experiences downs, he has good and he has bad days. His foul language also has nothing to do with his actions! Has he ever thrown a pineapple on someone's head? Has he ever buried, fried, ran someone over with Shinsuke's pick up truck? I don't think so. The worst he's done was smack the back of Shintaro's head to help him regain his composure. He's all bark, no bite and I will say that a million times if I have to!
Yuuya 💛 :
People usually ignore his existence, which I obviously don't like. When they don't, which is rare, they tend to do the same thing they do to his brother. They make him out to be nothing but an angry, violent man, which I might dislike even more! Just because his brother is a little moody and irritable doesn't mean that Yuuya is, too! We've seen him throw a basketball on Kazunari's head with the signature 'I will kick you' and people decided to base his personality off that one moment. There isn't much about him, but we do know a few interesting things that his personality could be based off. We know he has a picture of Tae-Chan on his phone (which is pretty cute and wholesome if you ask me), that he becomes the captain of the Shutoku Basketball Club (which is a pretty big achievement), that his eyes are same as his brothers, that he is a Taurus (a sign that's known for being very stubborn and hard-working but also very sweet, genuine, family-oriented and honest) and that he got angry when someone humiliated his big brother on National TV (I would be pissed, too). All of that, and people choose to take the one characteristic they already took for his brother and exaggerate it. I just really wish people didn't do that.
14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character?
Kiyoshi 🧡 : I always thought Kiyoshi's hair looked really soft and fluffy and I would like to believe that it's something he would also love to achieve with his fashion. I think he would prefer style to comfort and that he would wear something rather classy as well. So, he would likely wear a vest and a shirt, some comfortable dress pants and dress shoes. When he's feeling cozy and comfortable he would wear a shirt underneath a stylish sweater with baggy jeans and with some comfortable sneakers, or dress shoes yet again. What would make him achieve the soft look would be pastel colors! So, imagine all of that in beige, baby blue, light orange, pink, lavender... He wouldn't add any unnecessary accessories, as he believes that keeping it simple is the best way to make a good outfit. He would not look for any attention with his fashion, and this is something that looks average enough, but still fashionable and stylish! I am not sure what that fashion aesthetic is called, but my Pinterest research says it's something like soft-boy and light academia!
Yuuya 💛 :
His hair suggests that he likes to look a little sharper and a little more dangerous than an average person. I can see him wear something rather punk and emo, something that would make him look a little unapproachable and a little scary. With that said, he would mostly wear darker and non-saturated colors, as well as rough textures like leather or denim! Considering we've seen him wear a skirt, I wouldn't be surprised if he was comfortable with wearing feminine clothes or even makeup. Jackets, vests, crop-tops, band t-shirts, baggy or tight, low-rise pants, skirts, shorts, baggy pants and ripped versions of all those items would make up 99% of his wardrobe. I can also see him adding lots of interesting accessories like rings, belts, chains, necklaces, earrings! He would absolutely kill the style if he had some extra ear or face piercings and wore something like a smeared black eyeliner! Not sure what this aesthetic is called yet again, but I hope you got the idea of what I meant!
23. Favorite picture of this character?
Picking only one is tough, so I will make categories yet again! Unfortunately, Yuuya doesn't have a lot of screenshots and almost no appearances in the Replace Plus novels, games, CDs and the movie... Still, I included everything I could find!
Kiyoshi 🧡 :
Anime screencap:
Manga panel (half of the page):
'See you next week!' card:
Replace Plus novel panel:
Cross Colors picture:
Yuuya 💛 : Anime screenshot:
Manga panel:
BONUS Replace Plus novel panel:
#knb#kuroko no basuke#kuroko no basket#miyaji kiyoshi#miyaji yuya#miyaji yuuya#THANK YOU FOR SENDING AN ASK ABOUT MY FAVORITE BROTHERS#i loved elaborating on them a little hehe#i wish people didn't ignore yuuya so much#also he has a crush on tae-chan i just know it#anyways. if you haven't listened to the special audio drama ft. midorima shintaro go do it now. it's gold.#i hope that i chose good fashion aesthetics for my boys!!#i can imagine them walking down the street together and one looks like a teddy bear and the other one just looks like a punk#and people are like whaaaaaa#and kiyoshi is irritated because he was NOT looking for attention today#and yuuya is all smiley and giddy and poking at him and calling him a boring member of society#that leads to an ironic situation where the one that looks nicer will tell you to fuck off#and the one that looks like they would tell you to fuck off is the nice one#ALSO i needed hours to find the last photo where yuuya is in that skirt#i love how he is the center#you just know he is rocking it#i just know that bro can dance and sing and that he's absolutely killing it!!#also stk49???? THAT'S AN AKB48 REFERENCE??#i wonder what song they are covering#thank you again for sending this askk!! i enjoyed working on this post so muchh!!#hugs and kisses for you <3
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i think half of my beef with journey's end and the ten tentoo rose ending thing was also the way rose described in the big finish audios how she didn't feel like she belonged in pete's world, that she was out of place and didn't feel like herself. so while i don't hate tentoorose, i do hate that the doctor didn't take any of that into consideration with her and just had to use her to solve the problem that was the metacrisis.
#ramlbings sorry#just ... frustrated about that ending#and how its so centered on the doctor always#and not ... rose's life rose's experiences rose's choice#because i do think in a way that her kissing tentoo was her chosing him but i also think#it was her giving herself this ONE fucking thing she had been picturing for years regardless of who it was with#let rose tyler have this oNE fucking thing#and then she would've gone on to make her choice#but he just left. ... he just left#and then she ran after him and looked literally distraught that he just left#and i don't think it was just because he didn't say good bye#i think it was because he. just. left.#he didn't actually give her a choice and he made up her mind for her by implying that her getting that one thing was her choice#meanwhile she has been working for so fucking long and has gone through SO MUCH trying to get back#and all of that is washed away#all of her feelings and the way she never EVER chose to go to that world ANYWAY#.... just ignored ... not important for the sake of tenrose and their relationship or tentoorose and their relationship#i think she would've been happy just staying in the prime universe with tentoo and growing old#but no ... she got no choice no agency#other than kissing tentoo which was camp loved her for that#but even billie piper doesn't like the ending because it just feels like a way to lock rose away#and deal with the metacrisis problem#sorry rambling
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#i hate my teen self for a variety of reasons#but the main one that keeps coming after me#is the fact that i wanted to be cool and have an ''artistic name'' to use everywhere online because ''i'm an artist and i'm cool''#and went and chose an actual name that exists and people are called that#and that is a female name so now it gives me dysphoria and also doesn't even resemble my name (either chosen or legal) in any fucking way#so now when i have job prospects i have to go like ''ok this is my name please refer to me as such#but everything legal i gotta sign i'm gonna use this other name#oh the name on this email i'm literally talking to you with? yeah pls ignore that one''#like now it's kinda too late to change cause it's literally everywhere#but also I don't want to publish books under this absolutely horrible thing#and i hate myself so much#jfnsjg#like this is what happens when your birthname gives you dysphoria but you don't understand#so you change it to a different girl's name#UGH#i'm gonna have to keep using my '''''''artistic name''''''''' for like social media and shit because that's the only googleable now#but nobody fucking utter it!#ajfnjs#angel talks#personal
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I'm being self indulgent today so I'm plugging some of my spotify playlists here! because i just gave them all cover art and that's cool of me! It's a lot of links and descriptions so they're under the cut
^ Exactly what it says on the tin! Here's a general vibe of what my music taste is like. (including artists from 2021 too, which i don't listen to as much but it's still statistically on there) I need to update it soon though, I gotta put shakey graves on there
^ Aw yeah it's a cosmic harbingers AU playlist. It's a fresh-from-the-oven baby that I've been working on for a while now! It's got a whole lot going on thanks to The Narrative (this playlist is designed not for shuffle) and some general horror/atmospheric instrumental vibes. It's also got a lot of my general music taste in there too!
^ If anyone remembers the "next door penpals" fiasco, this is the compilation of both of our written letter playlists into one. My side is from 17 onwards! We all went on a date (/p) by the way. It was lovely! I probably won't hear from them again. The other part of this on my profile too, another compilation of music from other letters and through-the-wall parties.
^ last one i promise! Another horror narrative playlist (wow fuck) based on the Fallen London browser game and the story of my little guy from it. This devolves from sweet love songs to sad love songs to just straight up horror! And ruth etting because i love ruth etting. This one (deservedly, the vibes are fantastic) doesn't have an art cover and is just a picture I took at like 3AM in the middle of winter.
#The words of a fudgecake#spotify#playlists#I have a few more playlists on my profile but you can see em for yourself lol#they include: girl punk rock; chill sleep; found family; Just Loud. Generally; and found family#But these felt like a pretty comprehensive vibe of my music#ignoring the fact i chose the second narrative horror playlist instead of my found family one#all of this art is old art because god fuck i can't draw much for myself right now /lh (i have so many essays)#cosmic harbingers AU
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finished rain world . i need to throw something against a wall
#qughfhghghhhhagmzsnznsznzxmizdnioz siaosn#i've had a hyperfixation on that fucking game since day one and i'm going away from my laptop for#deep breath. for 2+ weeks so i cant play it andi think im gonna implode violently#gooodddd that fucking game. im so happy i chose to ignore the countless people#who said that it was incredibly difficult#imo it isn't. yes its challenging. yes its unforgiving. but it isnt difficult in a traditional way#not like celeste for example. i keep using this as an example because i got stuck on the fifth (?) screen and got frustrated and left#rain world on the other hand has me in a chokehold. i think the random enemy placements have a very big role in that#like.as a person whos notoriously bad at every game that isnt a metroidvania#i feel like the reason i never got too frustrated is because every playthrough could be the lucky one. the conditions change all the time#and even if you are too low on skill to pass the current cycle you'll just try again. and now its a completely different challenge#of course this also means that your perfect run can be killed by a lizard falling on your head or you accidentally pressing forward#but to me that's part of the games charm#okay i think im done ranting. for now#rw tag
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Are you ever tired of the fact that in gaming/fandom spaces when a character uses he/him or she/her it's taken as a fact but when they use they/them it's used as a suggestion?
#thylacines can talk#Y'all remember when people said Frisk Undertale was supposed to be a self-insert character as if that DIDNT LITERALLY GO AGAINST THE WHOLE#FUCKING POINT OF THE GAME? It's like they actively chose to ignore the entire point that Frisk was supposed to be their own character#Because I guess being normal about pronouns was too hard#People love to ignore nuances and plot points in games if it means they get to have an easy excuse to be transphobic#Legitimately saw somebody say The Knight and The Hollow Knight from HK didn't have personalities to say people who relate to them are#stupid and desperate and I Will Fucking Beat You With A Stick.#Not only is the knight having a personality become obvious as you play but the entire God damn plot happened because THK WASNT an empty#husk devoid of personality. Not only is it ignoring THE MAIN FUCKING PLOT OF THE GAME but also it makes the game feel...worse#Them being alive gives it a BITE. The knight not being hollow makes two of the endings that much more tragic because ultimately their#sacrifice would be for nothing. But I guess fuck having an actually compelling story and characters#Just a complete delusional behaviour for the sake of being argumentative. At this point I feel like they don't even believe it and are#just playing the devils advocate because there's NO WAY somebody played/watched this game and came out of it thinking the vessels were#indeed empty husks. Right? RIGHT?
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mann i rly need to stop relying so heavily on validation from others dont i pfft... like an art im proud of doesnt immediately get attention and i'm just like 'wellp guess i'm the Worst Artist in the world and no one fucking cares about me' which isnt TRUE I KNow it's not true shut up shut up @ me shut UP SHUT UP
#anyway im trying to distract my brain from thinking bout this cos it's so fucking dumb#but the way i chose to distract myself is by watching a let's play and it's made me feel kinda ill because of my motion sickness#so now im both feeling like shit AND just feeling like a failure lmao help#personal#ignore this im just being sad lol
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oh my FUCKING shit , I am about to absolutely fucking *punt* this group of boys in my sign language class holy fucking hell .
#just blahs#okay this may just be bcs i havent ever really seen ableism irl#but legitimately what the fuck#the teacher for my sign class is completly deaf right ? and there's these three guys in the back corner who are literally just .#the single most offensive people i have ever had the displeasure to exist in the same space as#the teacher will teach us smthin about deaf culture and they'll fully just be like 'oh haha why don't they just say it ?'#or today ??? as soon as shes not looking at them theyll just yell insults at her .#and then obviously *she can't hear them bcs shes **deaf*** and one of em will do the dumb highschool boy laugh like 'haha yell it louder'#aND IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO CHUCK MY PENCIL AT THESE ABLELIST PEICES OF SHIT#or theyll mock the way she talks or theyll just blatantly ignore what shes trying to teach#and my friend who knows a bit of sign bcs her dads deaf was obv fast at spelling her name and one of em calls her a tryhard#because shes actually putting effort into this class .#like literally what the hell is wrong with you . this isnt a required class . you *chose* to be here so shut the fuck up#and i dont even know what the proper thing to do here is . like . do i tell the teacher those boys over there are being dicks ?#do i just walk my 5'0 ass all the way across the class to smack them upside the hesd ?#do i throw the pencil at them ?#i dont know what im supposed to do here but FUCK im so pissed off about this#im literally just trying to learn this language and they are making it so difficult bcs every other minute theyre over there yelling#fucking hell#ableism#anyways .
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you know im realizing now. with the exception of a few resident psychiatrists, ive had like. no good experiences with mental health professionals
#most recent occurance is eating my brain alive right now because I feel just so. degraded and offended by how she chose to evaluate me#I won’t get into it because it will make me spiral even more and get angrier and more overwhelmed but tldr she didn’t acknowledge#anything I said about my symptoms both out loud and via written test. chose to ignore or dismiss anything that came from me#as if I couldn’t be trusted to recount my own experiences and feelings. also did not take into account that I am an adult and thus have Had#to learn to mask and shit so while she brushed off So Much Shit because i seemed (in the three hours she met/saw me)#functional Enough. that’s only becuaee I put in a Lot of effort every day to do so. and that effort does not last forever#and of course because. like I said I’m an adult. I’ve been yelled at I’ve been punished I’ve been put through courses and#through the ringer of Society in general to the point where I mimic Normal Person Behavior at least somewhat decently when im prepared to do#so. she treated me like a child and didn’t acknowledge most of my major issues. ignored me when I said I don’t avoid social situations out#of fear/anxiety I avoid them because it takes a lot of energy for me to mask and try and read people and act accordingly#and in her report suggested generalized anxiety. part of the reason I was there is because anxiety HASNT ever properly described my#avoidant behavior.#and just. yeah I said I wouldn’t get into it but here we are. this always happens#it’s just eating at me because I keep realizing more and more things she just fucking disregarded. literally wrote that I ‘listed many#relevant symptoms’ and kept it at that. did not actually give those symptoms any validity. basically just implied I was listing things#just. becuase?#some shit was just blatantly wrong like claiming that I have a variety of interests when I told her outright that I can only be interested#in one specific interest at a time- example being the entirety of last year being only interested in One (1) video game. and this is to such#an extent that it’s difficult to make and maintain friendships because I have no interest in anything else but that One Thing for however#long and won’t care about other things people try to get me into in order to have something in common with me or whatever or just. yeah.#issues.#she didn’t acknowledge the issues I have with low empathy or overstimulation. didn’t acknowledge my history of taking things literally to#such an extent that it has caused problems with people. didn’t acknowledge anything that was self-reported and not being displayed in that#moment right in front of her eyes. it’s just. really really disappointing and. yeah degrading honestly#especially because it took months upon MONTHS to get this fucking appointment#and to just be not listened to and dismissed.#anyway. yeah I’ve also just only ever had really shallow relationships with therapists (at best)#and have never felt helped by them or like they ever put in much effort to try to Get to me so to speak. only my psychiatrists have#been open minded and Listened to me. but they were always residents so they’d leave in a year or so. I don’t have one at this point.#kibumblabs
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i will not get in pointless arguments over my favorite video game guy online. i will not get in pointless arguments over my favorite video game guy online. i will not get in pointless arguments over my favorite video game guy online. i will n
#if you dont take into account that albus is just as traumatized by barlowe as shanoa is you are wrong about him ok#and so many of his illogical actions can be traced back to how he responded to his trauma#and i literally discussed this EXACT TOPIC in the ooe section of my video#like. you can criticize his actions but to imply that albus never cared about shanoa *as a person* is fucking stupid and youre going to die#like. are we ignoring the line from pre-amnesia shanoa in that flashback that implied she wouldve done exactly the same thing for him#are we ignoring that so much of what happens after albus's death is driven by shanoas own agency#albus never knew the whole truth. shanoa chose to find it. shanoa chose to raid the castle. shanoa chose to use dominus anyway despite#albus's wishes because she saw saving humanity as more important.#albus had no part in any of those decisions#'ooooeh albus had a big brother complex and cared more about protecting shanoas innocence than her life' im going to kill you#he gave up the only home he ever had he made himself the enemy to everyone who ever cared about him he gave up his life twice#and yes he could have told her. but loyalty towards barlowe had been so engrained in the both of them#even when he found out barlowe lied he was like 'no he would never do that to me' at first. like genuinely#hes scared of the idea of control being taken from him; because it already had been#and his attempts to actually have any control over the situation got the autonomy OVER HIS BODY stolen from him via possession#idk banging my head against the wall. the game is more nuanced about this idea than you think#i am an albus defender till i die. goodnight
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