#but i checked and i already have them blocked as well. peace and love on planet earth | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

junplusone · 24 days ago

Text

i'll always say it's you ; yoon jeonghan

summary: you always used to think that even the end of the world couldn’t keep you and yoon jeonghan apart; you’d find your way back to each other somehow. ten years later, you start to wonder if that’s such a good thing after all.

contains: childhood best friends to ??? to ???, swearing, drinking (+ underage), talk of joshua and cheol's arm muscles, mention of drugs in a joke like once i think, caffeine addiction, peak delusion, jeonghan cheating in games as always, hella yearning

word count: 12.98k

a/n: this is lowkey a mess and probably kind of inaccurate loll but i hope u enjoy! feedback always appreciated xx

the me of today hopes for the you of tomorrow

“What about you, Y/N? Have you ever been in love?”

Hearing your own name slowly zones you back into the conversation at the table. You pause at the question, a drop of soju splashing out of the glass in your hand.

“What?”

“Come on, it’s just a silly question,” the young intern says, rolling his eyes. “You’re no fun, Y/N. We’re off work right now! It’s fine,” he drawls, swaying a little in his chair.

You can’t really remember his name right now, downing the glass in one go, but his bold innocence bothers you. Maybe his demeanor, full of life and promise, is what gets on your nerves.

Were you like that when you were fresh out of college, too? It’s so unthinkable to you now, at twenty-nine. It feels like ages in the past.

“So? Are you —”

“I hardly think this is an appropriate conversation,” you say quietly, zipping your bag shut. “I think I’m going to head out, anyways. It’s quite late already.”

“But —”

“Chan, just stop asking questions and drink this, okay?” His friends try and calm him down with a glass of water. Amidst the chatter, you decide to slip away, silently pushing in your chair and leaving the bustling restaurant.

Dinners like this always end up making you feel worse, anyways, like an outlier at a table of people with fervent hopes and dreams of their own.

You make it two blocks until your phone begins to buzz in your pocket, and you fumble to answer it, knowing there’s only one person who would call you at nine o’clock on a Friday night.

“Hello?”

“Oh, you answered,” Yeonju says, evidently surprised. “I thought you’d still be at work.”

“I’m on my way home now,” you tell her. “Why, did something happen?”

“Kind of,” you hear rustling on her end of the line. “Jeonghan called.”

“Huh?”

You had stopped abruptly at Yeonju’s words— foolishly in the middle of the road, and you rush to the sidewalk, still reeling. It’s been so long since you’ve even heard his name that it sends your mind into a tailspin when she says it again.

“I thought you knew,” she says, “He said he tried calling you first, but you wouldn’t pick up.”

“I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t have saved,” you remind her. You haven’t had Jeonghan’s number saved on your phone in a long time. There was no need to keep it if you never used it anymore.

“I think you should talk to him.”

“Yeonju,” you shake your head. “Why would I? There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There is, and you know it, too,” she doubles down. “You won’t say it, but I know you agree with me.”

She’s right, as much as you want to pretend otherwise. When has Choi Yeonju ever been wrong about you? Sometimes it scares you how good she is at reading your mind, but as always, she delivers reality checks right when she feels like you need them.

“Maybe,” you admit begrudgingly. “But things are just easier without him.”

“Yeah, well, nothing is ever easy,” she points out, “but take your own time, no rush. And take care of yourself, Y/N.”

“I will,” you say with a faint smile.

“OK, perfect. Call if you need anything else, yeah? I gotta go now.”

“Okay, Yeonju, take care.”

“Bye!”

She hangs up just as you unlock your front door, shutting it behind you and kicking off your shoes. The peace and quiet of your apartment welcomes you, and you sigh in relief as you sink into your couch.

Pulling out your phone again, you scroll through your call log. There are a few unsaved numbers, likely just spam calls, but when you see the same number four times in a row, there’s no doubt about who it might have been. Your finger hovers over the screen; should you? Shouldn’t you?

No, it’s easier to just stay angry. It’s easier to pretend his name means nothing to you anymore.

But even as you toss your phone to the side, Chan’s question still haunts you, like it’s a reminder that maybe you need to retrace your steps and do something different this time.

God, you had finally been able to go a few days without thinking about him, but today just took you right back to square one.

“Have you ever been in love?”

When you close your eyes, all you see is him.

first time feeling my heart race, never thought it'd beat so fast

TEN YEARS AGO

“Yoon Jeonghan, delete that right now or I’m going to kill you.”

Jeonghan shakes his head vehemently, still cackling at the picture of you on his phone. This is nothing new to you; over the years you’ve gotten used to him finding the absolute worst angles of you whenever you fall asleep in class, or on the bus, and it never fails to get you fuming.

In fact, if Jeonghan has one talent, it’s probably pissing you off.

“Not my fault you dozed off like that during lecture! Even Yeonju would have bullied you if she was there,” he teases. “I’ve been collecting bad Y/N photos since we were sixteen and in high school, why would I stop now?”

“You’re evil.”

“Thanks, I know.”

“Dinner’s on you, by the way.”

“What?!”

“Do you want to keep that horrendous picture or not?”

“Okay, fine,” he concedes immediately, slipping his phone into his pocket. “But we’re going back to my dorm first because I left my wallet on my desk.”

"Why would you not have that with you? Dumbass," you scold.

To anyone else, you might sound angry, but somewhere in the unspoken words, you and Jeonghan have already reconciled.

The weather is chilly and perfectly November-esque, and if not for the thick scarf around your neck you’d be shivering by now. Having Jeonghan by your side adds to the warmth spreading throughout your body, a little piece of happiness found in his company.

You’ve never needed to explain yourself to him. Somehow, whatever you’re feeling, whatever’s going on, he just knows, and it’s perfect. You couldn’t ask for anything more.

Not much to your surprise, Jeonghan’s roommate is there when the two of you walk in, blankets piled over him as he hunches over his laptop.

“Hey, Josh,” you greet him. “Everything okay?”

“No,” he frowns, rubbing his eyes, “I may have procrastinated a little too hard on this paper and now it’s due in a couple of hours and I’m totally fucked.”

“This is why I told you to drop that philosophy class at the beginning of the semester,” Jeonghan says, pocketing his wallet. “You don’t even need to take it.”

“Just trying to knock off my humanities electives, but honestly, this one kind of backfired on me,” Joshua admits, defeated. “Where are you guys headed?”

Jeonghan points at you accusingly. “This one tricked me into buying her dinner earlier.”

“I did not!” you gasp. “You walked into that one, stop blaming me for the consequences of your actions! Also, I want ramen, which means we’re going off campus, so you’re driving.”

He narrows his eyes at you as he reaches for his car keys. “You are so evil.”

"Takes one to know one, Hannie."

What throws you off is the way Joshua’s eyes flit between the both of you as you bicker, the way he tells you to have fun in that singsong voice of his as you step back out into the cold, like he knows something you don’t.

You still remember the day you first met him, when Jeonghan left to go grab something after introducing the two of you, and the question that immediately followed.

“Are you guys together or something?”

And of course, Joshua meant no harm — nobody ever does, when they ask something like that. You and Jeonghan have been fielding questions like that since the start of your friendship. Everyone’s wanted to know exactly what it is that you are to each other, and the answer has always come without missing a beat.

Friends, you’ve always said.

Friends in the way that you can’t go anywhere alone in your hometown without being asked where the other one is, the way that your parents always set out an extra plate and ask if he’s joining for dinner as usual.

The right word for it would be ‘inseparable’. Sometimes, though, you wonder if that’s all that it is.

Like now, as you notice the cold has Jeonghan trembling next to you. His teeth are chattering, long lashes framing his eyes that are now narrowed in displeasure.

When you unravel your scarf from around your neck and reach to drape it around his, they go wide in surprise.

“What are you doing?”

“You never wear enough layers, idiot.” You tuck the ends into his jacket and the way he’s staring at you steals the breath out of your lungs.

You can’t run from the fact; your best friend is undeniably attractive. It’s a simple truth, down to his soft but sharp features, the slope of his cheeks, and the hair that frames his face so perfectly. It’s dark out, but Jeonghan’s eyes are lit up like stars. You don’t even realize it until you start to hear your heartbeat pounding in your ears.

“Thanks,” he says with a faint smile. “What would I do without you?”

“Freeze, probably,” you reply flippantly, but you look away, unable to take the intensity of his gaze on you.

Just think about the way he looks at you, Y/N.

Was Yeonju right? You have no way of knowing, and you don’t want to tip the scales by bringing any of it up now.

“Alright, let’s go,” you say instead, tugging him along to the parking lot. “It’s late, I’m hungry, and you promised.”

“Why do you always seem so excited to drain my bank account?”

“It’s my favorite hobby,” you quip. “Shall we go?”

“We shall, m’lady,” he says as you get to his car, pulling open the door for you with a wink. Your cheeks burn as you get in, his defined features etched into your brain.

Yes, he’s your dearest, oldest friend, but Yoon Jeonghan has a certain way of making your head spin that throws that very title into question.

when half of me is gone, how can i live as one?

PRESENT DAY

It’s been exactly three days since Jeonghan called you, and you haven’t heard from him since then. You don’t know what you were expecting. Another call? A text?

No, it would be quite stupid to hope for such things after everything that’s happened.

It’s a quiet Monday night, and your brain decides to take an involuntary trip down memory lane. Ten years ago today, you’d probably be doing homework frantically, most definitely an assignment you’d put off until the night of. Ten years ago today, Jeonghan would be by your side.

Oh, how some things change over time.

After another hour of mindless TV and doing whatnot on your phone, your conscience finally wins the moral battle against your pride, and you scroll down through your call log again. Taking a deep breath, you decide to call him back before your brain can convince you otherwise.

All the words evaporate out of your mouth when he picks up on the first ring.

“Y/N?”

God, it’s been so long since you’ve heard his voice. Just the sound of your name from him is enough to make you tear up.

“... Jeonghan?”

Silence. After a few seconds your heart sinks, thinking maybe he’s hung up on you and gone radio silent yet again.

Then you hear it, just barely whispered into the phone: “I’ve missed you.”

Those words tug at your heart so badly you press your eyes closed to prevent your tears from welling up. “Jeonghan, don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry, I—”

“I haven’t heard from you in over a year,” you cut him off. “A year, Jeonghan. Do you really think you can just ‘I miss you’ your way back into my life whenever you want?”

“Don’t say that,” he implores. “You’re my best friend.”

“Yeah, right.”

“It’s true. I mean it.”

“I’ve heard the exact same line from you so many times,” you tell him, the rest of your words dying in your throat.

You have many more things to say to him, so many unspoken feelings, but now doesn’t feel like the time. Instead, you swallow your anger like you’ve done every time he finds his way back into your life.

“How… how have you been?”

“I’m okay. I wrote a new song,” he says lightly. “Shows have been pretty alright, things are looking up… just the usual.”

“Oh, I see.”

“What about you?”

“I’m okay, too.” A blatant lie. “Jeonghan… why’d you call me on Friday?”

“Oh,” he starts, like he’s surprised you even asked. “Um, I’m actually in town for a bit, so… I was just wondering if you wanted to meet and catch up again. Y’know, like old times.”

It’s the flippant edge in his voice that stings more than anything else, as if he doesn’t care that your friendship hasn’t been the same for years. Do you mean that little to him now?

But, like always, you have a hard time saying no to Yoon Jeonghan.

“Okay,” you agree. “Just tell me where, I guess. And when.”

“Okay.”

It’s not for a few seconds that you realize your cheeks are wet. Jeonghan feels so far away now, the distance hurts like a piercing pain and you have to slap a hand over your mouth so he doesn’t hear you sob against your couch, the stoic wall you put up crumbling away with every passing moment.

“Y/N,” his voice is shaky now. “Y/N, please don’t cry.”

Feeling caught and cornered, your brain enters fight or flight mode, and promptly chooses the latter. “I’m not,” you blurt out, and immediately end the call, tossing your phone across the room so you aren’t tempted to call him again.

If time traveling was an option, you’d go back to a decade in the past without a question. For some reason it hurts more that after all this time, Yoon Jeonghan is still the one that knows you the best.

You wake up the next morning horribly late for work, with a blinding headache and a notification from Jeonghan on your phone.

xxx-xxx-xxxx: is tonight @ semicolon cafe ok with you? after you get off work?

xxx-xxx-xxxx: i won’t take up too much of ur time, i promise

xxx-xxx-xxxx: i’m so sorry y/n

you: its ok. that works, see u then

It’s well past nine o’clock when you finally enter the office. You almost make it to your desk unnoticed until your boss glances at you sneaking in.

“You’re very late,” Seungcheol observes, leaning back in his chair. His gaze is always stern, and today it makes you even more anxious than usual.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologize. “Things just… everything kind of worked against me today. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“I believe you,” he says, casting another concerned look at you as you nearly drop your laptop going to your desk. “Is everything okay, Y/N? This really isn’t like you.”

“Yeah,” you lie through a tight smile. Damn Yoon Jeonghan and his stupid face for ruining your whole day. “Everything’s fine.”

Looking back, it’s quite impressive how you manage to keep your composure throughout your whole workday. You know you’ve accomplished a feat when even Junhui doesn’t really notice anything’s wrong.

Despite how oblivious he comes across at first, your colleague is easily one of the most perceptive people you’ve ever met, as you’ve learned in the past five years you’ve spent at this company.

“Long day?” Junhui swivels around in his chair as he catches you taking a break from your screen.

“Yeah,” you admit, glancing at the clock. Almost five. “Even longer when we get asked to fix all of the intern’s mistakes. How do you just forget to write a whole method?!”

“God, I hope Lee Chan never gets hired as a backend developer. Love the kid, but I’m not sure how he got through college with his code looking like this.”

“Hard agree.”

“Hey, do you have plans after? Me and the rest of the team are probably gonna get dinner together. None of the interns,” he clarifies with a grin. “We need some peace and quiet. I think Wonwoo’s genuinely at his final straw, he’s been downstairs with them all day.”

As tempting as that sounds — Junhui has a knack for finding the best spots in Seoul — you have something more important on your plate for the day.

“Maybe next time,” you decline. “I have to meet someone after work.”

“Oh?” A sly grin spreads across his face. “Someone special?”

“It’s not a date,” you insist, face heating up.

“I never asked if it was, Y/N, you’re just outing yourself at this point.”

“It’s not!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he teases, turning back around. “Keep me posted!”

You roll your eyes.

The end of the day couldn’t have come any slower. Usually, you’d get so engrossed in whatever you were working on that you’d end up staying late, but today you shock everyone by packing up when the clock hits five, bidding Junhui a good night as you almost run to leave the building.

(“Someone’s in a rush,” he remarks when you turn your computer off. “Don’t be late on a first date, it’s not very polite!”

“Fuck off,” you respond, when Seungcheol is safely out of earshot.)

The walk home almost freezes your fingertips, and you have to shove your hands deep into your pockets to keep them from going numb. You make a note to dress accordingly for the biting cold later.

At least the weather matches your mood today.

The idea of a hot shower turns out to be a little too inviting, though, because when you finally step out, hair wrapped in a towel, it’s 6:28, and you have a text from Jeonghan waiting to be opened.

xxx-xxx-xxxx: i’m here, i snagged a table in the back

“Fuck,” you curse under your breath, pulling on an old sweater and some jeans. You don’t have time to fully dry your hair, so you just run your round brush through it a couple of times, hope for the best, and throw it into a claw clip, praying it stays up.

You’re officially twenty minutes late when you finally get to the cafe — it’s not too far from your apartment, thankfully, but you still had to book it — and you approach Jeonghan slightly panting and out of breath.

(If Junhui was right and this was actually a date, you would be royally screwed.)

“Here, sit,” he pulls out your chair, a little alarmed by your flushed face. “Were you running?”

“Yeah. Sorry I’m late,” you answer, and then you look up at him and the air is knocked out of your lungs as if you weren’t already winded from getting there. He’s even more beautiful than the last time you saw him. “Wow, you…”

“I?”

You’re not even sure what the rest of that sentence was going to be, the words slipping out before you could even think about them. Snap out of it.

“Nothing,” you say quietly.

“How have you been?”

“You already asked me that.”

“I want to know more.” He’s looking at you like he’s trying to memorize your features; it’s hard to ignore.

“I don’t have anything interesting going on,” you deflect. “Tell me about what’s going on with you. You said you wrote a new song?”

Jeonghan’s face lights up when you say it. “I did. I spent around nine months rewriting and perfecting it. It’s kind of like my child, in a way.”

“Yoon Jeonghan, a father. I never thought I’d see the day.”

He laughs, and it feels like a part of your old selves is back. “Want to listen?”

You nod, and he passes you an AirPod and his phone. “Imperfect Love,” you read out loud. “That’s deep.”

“It came from a pretty raw place,” he confesses. “Something that’s kind of been on my mind for a while.”

“Something or someone?”

Jeonghan’s face reflects something akin to panic. “What are you talking about?”

“This seems like a song about unrequited love,” you deadpan. “Doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.”

“Well, it’s not,” he huffs. “Don’t assume things.”

“This is the kind of update I was waiting for. You didn’t tell me you’d found someone!”

“I didn’t!” he insists, concealing a smile. “Will you just stop asking questions and listen already?”

“Alright, Mr. Unlucky in Love,” you tease, securing the AirPod in your ear and pressing play.

The instrumentals are beautiful, and Jeonghan’s angelic voice fills your ears a few seconds later. You haven’t heard him sing in a long time, and you’d forgotten just how ethereal he sounds when he’s pouring his heart into the mic.

The sunlight that happily illuminates this dark world

Becomes a star when night comes

Come down to me

There are many, many things shining in this world

But among them, you’re the only one that’s precious to me

Jeonghan is watching you nervously, like he’s anxious for what you will say. You make the mistake of catching his eyes, because immediately you falter — they are gorgeous, he is gorgeous, and it feels like you lose time with every second you spend admiring him.

Even if I can’t be the perfect weather for you

Will you still love me like this?

It feels like a silent plea — you wonder what kinds of things have happened to him in the past year that you missed, all the things you don’t know about.

Together we become old and worn out

Even if you come to me, who’s useless

At the end of a shining day

I’m happy that it’s you every day

The song comes to an end, and you hand Jeonghan’s phone back to him. His eyebrows raise, like a question.

“Did you like it?”

“It’s beautiful,” you tell him honestly. “I love it.”

A smile breaks out on his face. “That’s good to hear.”

“I’m still convinced you have a secret crush that you’re not telling me about.”

“Oh, not with that again,” he grumbles, waving off your curious questions.

What you don’t tell him is that you’ve missed hearing him sing and watching him perform, that the look in his eyes when he’s doing what he loves most is something you adore. There are a lot of things like that you want to say to him, and as good as the both of you are at acting like nothing’s wrong, the situation feels awfully different this time.

“Hey.” Jeonghan has a glint in his eye, the one he usually has when he’s up to something. “Do you wanna leave and go get tteokbokki and fried dumplings at the night market stands instead?”

Your favorites, from when you were a broke college student and couldn’t afford anything nicer. How did he still remember that?

“Yeah,” you say, already grabbing your things and standing. “Let’s go.”

You had forgotten that it was cold as fuck outside.

You had also forgotten that the food stalls were in the opposite direction of your house, so now you’re stuck walking twice the distance in the freezing weather.

“Are you warm enough?” Jeonghan asks, a bit worried. Stop looking out for me, you want to scream at him. Stop caring. Stop making such a fool out of me.

“I am, but I know you’re not,” you scold instead. “I’ve been telling you for years to dress for the weather.”

“Eh, what’s a little bit of cold?” he jokes, but you catch him shivering violently out of the corner of your eye, and you can’t just watch as he suffers.

“Here.” You pull your scarf off of your neck and hold it out to him. “Wear it.”

“Are you su—”

“Wear it before I take it back.”

You wait until Jeonghan’s listened to you, the warm fabric wrapped around his neck. A part of you thinks you’ll always feel the urge to look after him.

Stop it.

“You still haven’t told me about yourself,” Jeonghan starts hesitantly. “I know I’ve probably missed a lot of things in the past few years.”

“Eight years,” you correct him. “We graduated and then you disappeared.”

“I didn’t disappear, things just got really hectic,” he tries to explain. “Like, all of a sudden everything was on my shoulders, and I had to spend all my time working towards what I wanted. That or it was all just gonna go to waste.”

“Right,” you leave it at that, not wanting to start an argument on the road. This always happens — you’ll run into Jeonghan somehow, you’ll somewhat reconcile, fight, make up, and then it’s radio silence from him again. A year after you graduated college, you stopped looking for news articles on him entirely, actively avoiding any headlines with his name in them. It hurt a little too much to bear. “Well, what do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

You suck in a breath at the quick response.

“Yeonju’s doing well,” you start, even though he probably knows that already. “She has a cat now, actually. She adopted him a couple of months ago.”

“Really? What’s his name?”

“Mandu, because she says he’s round and fat like a dumpling.”

Jeonghan snorts. “That’s like when Josh told us his dog’s name was Bingsu.”

“Oh, I remember that,” you say, faintly reminded of his college roommate. “Um, there’s not much else, honestly. Junhui is still a major pain in my ass, that definitely hasn’t changed.”

“Your work friend, right? I thought you two got along pretty well?”

“Yeah, we do,” you admit. You don’t need to explain any further, because Jeonghan knows that your sarcastic remarks are reserved for those you cherish the most.

“It’s been a really long time since you introduced us,” he muses. “But I still remember him pretty clearly.”

He remembers you, too, you think to yourself, recounting all the times you’ve ranted to Junhui about all the times Jeonghan got on your very last nerve. Just not as fondly.

“Oh! Wonwoo actually joined the same company two years ago. I think I told you this already,” Jeonghan confirms with a nod, “But it’s really nice getting to see him again, I missed when we used to hang out in college.”

“Aw, that must be really nice.”

“And the three of us still work for Seungcheol,” you conclude.

“I remember him, too. The one with the huge ass biceps,” Jeonghan says, a bit miffed. “I don’t think he liked me very much.”

“He doesn’t like randoms coming in during work hours, which is what you did, Han.”

“Oh. Right.”

Despite his short response, you know Jeonghan is smiling to himself right now, and you kick yourself mentally for letting the decades-old nickname slip. The two of you may be on a truce right now, but that doesn’t mean you’ve forgiven him.

A few minutes later, the lanterns and lights of the night market come into view. A little piece of childhood memory burrows its way into your heart. The vendors and stalls may have changed, but you used to love visiting this street with Jeonghan when you were still students.

“I really feel so old right now,” Jeonghan remarks as he follows you through the narrow walkways. “I feel like the last time I’ve been here was when we were eighteen.”

“It probably was,” you say. “Oh! Tteokbokki!”

You don’t even realize the way you’re holding on to the sleeve of Jeonghan’s sweater as you pull him along with you in excitement. He doesn’t say anything, just chuckles to himself as he walks behind you.

“Two cups, please,” you request the vendor when you finally get to the cart, and reach for your wallet. Jeonghan stops you before you can get to your pocket.

“No way,” he says firmly. “This one’s on me.”

“Jeonghan.”

“That voice isn’t working on me this time.” He hands the vendor a couple of bills with a friendly smile. “Just let me buy dinner tonight.”

You cross your arms. “No.”

“Why not? You had no problem doing it back in college.”

“Don’t bring that up now,” you say sharply, stung by the familiar memory. Jeonghan senses the shift in your attitude and drops the subject immediately.

“Wait here,” he tells you. “I’ll be back in a second.”

What are you supposed to do with yourself? Oh, you’re a mess, you realize, the way your feelings haven’t been in check for the entire evening. You were supposed to be so calm and collected, and now you’re anything but.

“Here you go,” the vendor hands you two steaming cups of the spicy rice cakes. “One for you, one for your friend.”

“Thank you.”

The man nods towards Jeonghan, making his way back through the sea of people. “Never let go of someone who cherishes you that much,” he says offhandedly, stirring the tteok in the pot.

You just blink, confused. “What?”

Before the vendor can answer, Jeonghan’s already caught up to you again. “There was nobody in line for fried dumplings,” he tells you excitedly. “Here, have some.”

“Thanks,” you say as you exchange with him for the tteokbokki, ignoring the awkward encounter you’ve just had. “We should probably get out of the way and find somewhere to sit down.”

“Yeah, we should.”

There are a few benches at the corner of the street, and you pick the empty one under one of the streetlamps, a hazy yellow glow cast over it. Sitting down, you bite into the first dumpling, the flavor flooding into your mouth.

“Jeonghan.”

“Yes?”

“Is this shrimp?”

“Yes?” He looks adorably confused in the dim light. “You prefer seafood over pork, right?”

Your heart feels like it’s beating at double the pace. “I do,” you reassure him. “It’s really good. Thank you.”

“Try the tteokbokki, too, it’s just the right level of spicy.”

“I will.”

Just being there and enjoying the food in silence reminds you of how easy it is to just be around Jeonghan. There’s no pressure to break the quiet; it’s comforting and peaceful.

You watch him savor the tteokbokki sauce and smile to yourself when he winces slightly. He’s always had less of a spice tolerance than you.

“Jeonghan?”

“Hm?”

“Are you going to vanish on me again when you leave Seoul?”

The question stops him in his tracks. He doesn’t seem to have the words to answer, and the lack of a response makes your heart sink.

“Why are you thinking about that right now?” he says instead, chiding you gently. “Did you finish eating?”

The way you’re looking at him now, your eyes are imploring him. Please don’t make me empty promises again.

“It’s rude to answer a question with another question.”

Jeonghan rakes a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “I’ve never vanished, Y/N, it’s just hard for me to leave my work that often,” he insists, “and besides, you’ve got Junhui and Yeonju and Wonwoo to entertain you in the meantime —”

“None of them are you!” Several people passing by glance over at you, but you can’t help that your voice is rising when you feel the anger bubbling up. “You’re my best friend, Jeonghan, do you have any idea how hard it’s been doing life without you?”

“Y/N, we’re past our youth,” he tries reasoning with you. “We don’t have to be attached at the hip all the time.”

Every word he says is like a knife to your chest. “You shouldn’t have asked to meet up today, then.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Jeonghan shuts his eyes, trying to think of the right words. “I just can’t be there for you all the time in the way that you want anymore. You’re stable, you have a solid job, but my livelihood depends on my music and whether people like me or not. That’s the harsh truth of it. And I’m not getting any younger, either.”

“I’m not asking you to be there for me all the time,” you snap. “All I ever wanted was the occasional message. A few updates. Whether you’re doing okay, how your life is going, things like that. Don’t give me bullshit excuses. I know you have thirty seconds to text me back letting me know that you’re alive.”

And stop playing with my heart, you want to add. Whether you’re aware of it or not.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan swears under his breath. “Y/N, let’s calm down and talk about this inside —”

“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down, Yoon Jeonghan.” Your fists are clenched right now. Jeonghan knows this about you; you don’t get angry quite often, but when you do, you are a force to be reckoned with. “It’s always a goddamn cycle with you. You show up, make all these promises, and then abandon me again. What am I supposed to do with that?”

You’re on the verge of tears, but you can’t cry in front of him. Anywhere but here.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” he pleads with you. “I don’t know what more to say other than I’ve been trying my best, I really have been.”

You’re not having any of it. “Yeah, right,” you scoff, averting your eyes so you have time to blink the tears away.

“I mean it. I want to be there for you, but…” he trails off, voice shaky. “It’s just been so difficult.”

“Save it, Jeonghan.” You don’t think you can be here for a minute longer without totally breaking down. “I should really get going now.”

“Y/N, wait —”

“If you took the subway, there’s a station down that street if you keep walking for a few minutes.”

“Wait,” Jeonghan insists, standing. “Let me at least walk you home.”

“No need,” you retort, turning around and setting off towards your apartment. It’s even colder now that it’s completely dark out, and you start to regret your choice of coat as your teeth chatter quietly. All you can do is thug it out for the remaining three blocks to your apartment building.

The wind stings your eyes and you tear up anyway, despite your attempts to keep it down for now. Why did you think today was going to go any better than every other time this has happened?

Stupid. Your fault for thinking anything would have changed in eight years.

It’s not until you approach the entrance to your building that you hear the quiet shuffling of footsteps. You whirl around, ready to fight, but you stop short when you see Jeonghan standing several feet behind you.

“Just to make sure you got back okay,” he says quietly, walking over to you. You accept gingerly when he places your scarf back in your hands. “It’s late.”

You don’t even know how to feel; you’re too high-strung with too many lines of thought in your brain at the same time. “Thank you.”

“One more thing.” Jeonghan hands you a small plastic bag. You peer inside.

“What is this?”

“Tiramisu,” he says, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly.

“Oh,” you’re confused. “Why?”

It should make you even more furious that he has the audacity to give you a soft smile, but for some reason it doesn’t.

“Happy birthday, Y/N.”

The realization hits you belatedly — how did you manage to forget? — that you were so swamped with work commitments, it had totally slipped your mind today. (So that was why your phone had been constantly buzzing with notifications from Yeonju before you’d put it on silent.)

Jeonghan’s gesture, though, comes as a complete surprise, and it starts to dissipate the irritation from earlier.

“You remembered.”

“Of course,” he says simply, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “I never forgot.”

just friends, that's not enough for me

EIGHT YEARS AGO

Normally, you are not someone who is criminally inclined.

However, it’s currently five in the morning on a day where you don’t have class until noon, so whoever is calling you at this time is most definitely going to end up six feet under.

You answer without checking who it is first, eyes still closed. “Hello?”

“Happy birthday!”

“Huh?” You lift your head just to be sure you heard correctly. “Yoon Jeonghan, it’s five a.m!”

“I know!”

“Why are you awake?”

“To tell you happy birthday?”

“Thank you, but cut the crap,” you tell him.

“I pulled an all-nighter to finish a project,” he admits. “Worth it, though. I’m the first person who told you, right?”

“You keep forgetting I live with Yeonju,” you point out, glancing over at your sleeping roommate.

“Damn it, Choi Yeonju!”

You grimace at his loud exclamation. “Jeonghan?”

“Yeah?”

“Do me a favor and let me go back to sleep.”

“Okay, but I’m waking you up at ten so you don’t skip your linear algebra class.”

“That class is at noon!”

“Yeah, and you take centuries to get ready, dumbass.”

When ten o’clock does roll around, you’re wide awake already. Yeonju is still fast asleep, so you try to get ready for class as quietly as possible.

jeonghan: i’m outside ur building

jeonghan: hurry up i’m hungry

you: ??? when u said u were gonna wake me up i thought u meant u would call

jeonghan: uhh surprise?

“Are you serious,” you mutter under your breath, haphazardly throwing an outfit on and rushing downstairs. Quickly, you press your key card against the reader and push the door open to the sight of Jeonghan leaning against the side wall.

“How long were you waiting?”

“Long enough. God, you really take forever, but I guess you get a pass because it’s your birthday,” he says begrudgingly, gesturing for you to walk with him.

The weather is quite bleak, but the slight smile on Jeonghan’s face is enough to chase the dreary atmosphere away, like your very own sun.

“Did you sleep at all?” you question, noticing the dark circles under his eyes.

“I tried, but by the time I finished the project it was already seven and Joshua was up, so I just didn’t bother. That guy’s a freak, I’m telling you. I don’t know anybody else who wakes up that early just to go to the gym.”

“Well, you don’t go at all. Maybe that’s why he has those nice muscles and you don’t.”

Jeonghan’s mouth drops open in surprise. “Are you kidding? Is this why you keep coming over? To ogle Joshua Hong’s arms?”

“Yeah, cause Joshua Hong is my best friend,” you deadpan. “Is it such a crime to just appreciate a nice set of muscles?”

“Okay, okay, stop talking about Josh when you’re with me and get in the car,” he urges, fishing out his keys. “Or we’ll be late and you won’t make it to that class.”

“I don’t even go half the time,” you point out. “And you still haven’t told me where we’re going.”

“What I can do is promise you will be happy and fed by approximately half past eleven.” Jeonghan starts the car, adjusting his mirrors. “Is that good enough for you?”

“Deal.”

It strikes you then, beneath the dim sunshine, how good he looks when he’s driving. His eyebrows are furrowed as he focuses on the road, humming along to the song playing through Bluetooth. For all the jokes you throw at him for never being seen at the gym, his arms are quite toned, subtly flexed as he makes a turn with one hand on the wheel.

God, you are so done for.

A few minutes later, Jeonghan pulls into a relatively empty lot. The building is quite unassuming, but you recognize this cafe as the one you frequent during exam season for your coffee fix.

“I love this place!” you exclaim, beaming at him. “How did you know?”

“‘Cause you never shut up about it,” he quips back, grinning.. “Stay here, I’ll just be a minute.”

You hum quietly to yourself as you wait for him to come back, content where you are. There couldn’t have been a better start to your day, aside from Jeonghan’s early morning call, and you think you’d be happy to spend the day just like this, peacefully with him and your closest friends.

In truth, you aren’t really sure how to navigate things with Jeonghan at the moment. Your relationship has always been labeled as strictly platonic, but lately there have been things that make you want to think otherwise. A few stolen glances, the way he looks out for you a little extra… you think you’re going insane.

That, and the way your heart has been reacting when you make eye contact with him lately has been a bit unsettling.

(“Don’t be so delusional,” Yeonju had told you a week ago. “You have a lot to lose here if anything happens. Plus, it’s Yoon Jeonghan, everyone thinks he’s flirting with them.”

“Yeah,” you’d replied flatly. “You’re right.”)

But maybe you’re allowed to be a little selfish. Maybe those sunlit smiles and most vulnerable moments are memories reserved just for you.

The car door opens again, and Jeonghan pokes his head in, handing you a plastic bag as he gets in.

“Sustenance,” is all he says. “Eat before you go to class or I’ll have to deal with your hangry whining after.”

His words sound annoyed, but his tone is soft with you, like it usually is. You flash him a grateful smile before pulling the boxes out.

“What’s this?”

“Avocado toast, but yours has egg on it.” He wrinkles his nose with displeasure at the combination. “Plus a little sweet treat for your caffeine addiction.”

“This is beautiful,” you hold up the tiramisu box. “The caffeine is speaking to me, Hannie. We are one and the same.”

“One would think you’re on drugs.”

“One would think living with a chemistry major would teach you that caffeine is a drug,” you tease, sinking your teeth into the golden toast. You hadn’t realized just how hungry you were until now — maybe you shouldn’t have skipped dinner last night. “Wow, this is good.”

“It is,” Jeonghan agrees, “but I’ll stick with no eggs for now.”

“You’re just ignorant and have bad taste.”

“Again, free pass only because it’s your birthday.” Jeonghan waits for you to swallow, then asks, “So, does twenty-one feel any different?”

“Nope,” you say decidedly. “Why would it? The only thing that’s changed is that drinking is legal now.”

“Oh, and you can gamble.”

“Right, but I don’t have enough savings to do that.”

Jeonghan laughs to himself at a stray memory. “Remember when I turned twenty-one? I’ve never had a night more disastrous than that one.”

“I do remember! Anyone would assume you were a raging alcoholic,” you snicker. “Even Soonyoung felt the need to sober up and help me get you back to your place. Do you know how impossible that is for him?”

Jeonghan looks like he’s questioning his whole life. “Yeah, that is pretty bad,” he admits. “Good thing it hasn’t happened since and I’m a responsible alcohol enjoyer now.”

“You drank a whole bottle of soju before your exam last week because you ‘needed to pregame’ or you’d fail it.”

“... Right.”

The two of you eat in silence, careful not to drop crumbs in his car, enjoying the midday quiet with each other’s company and nothing else. It’s moments like these with him that you cherish the most.

Yeonju’s Don’t be so delusional echoes in your head, like a silent rebuke.

“Hey, we should start heading back,” Jeonghan says, glancing at the time. “Let this be the day that Y/N graces the lecture hall with her presence.”

You groan, not wanting to spend another hour and a half trying not to doze off listening to who is possibly the most boring professor at your entire university. Jeonghan pats your back empathetically.

“It’s okay,” he consoles you, “Just think about how you’ll feel later when it’s all over and done with.”

“I’ll feel like it was a huge waste of time and I could have just asked Wonwoo to catch me up,” you grumble.

Jeonghan’s smile falters a little bit at the mention of your classmate, one of Soonyoung’s friends and therefore a part of the friend group. You still can’t figure out why Jeonghan isn’t too fond of him, but you just assume they haven’t had the opportunity to connect as much and brush it off.

“He got me through data structures last semester,” you offer, trying to defend your point. “Or I’d probably have failed.”

“Right, I remember,” Jeonghan says absentmindedly. You don’t say anything more until you’re back on campus again, picking up on his sensitive mood. When you start making your way to your lecture hall, he follows you, and you let him.

“I’ll walk you to class, I have to print something out at the student center, anyways,” he explains, bag on one shoulder. “Also, you left this in the car. Eat it after class, or whenever.”

You take the plastic bag he hands you, the faint scent of coffee filling your nose. “Thanks.”

Jeonghan fills your ears with silly stories about his friends over the short walk and you listen carefully, always happy to hear about the boys. It’s been a while since you’ve seen them anyways; you’ve been swamped with work, and time that all of you have free together is quite rare.

“I should go in now,” you tell him when you reach the hall. You wish you didn’t have to be here, but you might as well, and Jeonghan can easily read the annoyance written on your face. He pats your shoulder gently.

“It’s okay,” he consoles you. “Come over later so we can all eat cake and listen to you rant about your god-awful professor.”

“Okay.”

“And so you can get an eyeful of Joshua’s arms, you freaking pervert.”

You gasp. “Am not!” you screech, punching his arm.

“Ow!”

“Take it back!”

“Not afraid to speak my truth,” Jeonghan says instead, feigning injury. “This is literally abuse.”

You roll your eyes. “Get out.”

“Go in.”

“Fine,” you huff, pulling open the double doors, but you look back over your shoulder before you let them close behind you. “See you later?”

Jeonghan nods, a twinkle in his eye.

(You won’t know it now, but this is the look on his face that you’ll remember for the rest of your life.)

“See you later.”

Choi Yeonju is, you discover, the lightweight of all lightweights.

That title had belonged to Soonyoung up until now, but tonight even he’s watching her in disbelief from where he’s perched on Joshua and Jeonghan’s couch.

“I only gave her a shot,” he promises you, eyes big and pleading. “I swear on my life.”

“I know,” you sigh, grabbing her sleeve and pulling her away from the wall she’s about to faceplant into. “It’s okay, I’ve got an eye on her.”

“Sorry,” Soonyoung offers sheepishly. “I know you were planning on getting wasted tonight.”

You were not, in fact, planning on that at all. “Who told you that?”

“Jeonghan?”

“That evil bastard.”

The evil bastard in question is currently deeply immersed in a card game with a couple of others at the small kitchen table. The subtle flush on his face tells you he’s a couple of drinks in, and if you squint enough, you can see the silhouette of cards hidden in the sleeve of his jacket. Typical.

“Y/N!” Yeonju taps your shoulder urgently. “I need to tell you something.”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

She grins. “I wanna go to the bathroom.”

“Alright, come on. You gotta stand up,” you inform her gently when she doesn’t budge from her spot on the sofa.

“Comfy,” is all she says, mumbling into the furniture.

“Do you still need to go to the bathroom?”

“No.”

Soonyoung just looks at you in total confusion and shrugs.

“Nothing to do about it until she asks again,” he says before sinking into the couch beside her. He still looks relatively sober — sober enough to handle the situation if Yeonju decides to walk into a wall again — so you tell him you’ll be right back and decide to check in on the game going on.

You walk in on a crime scene.

“You!” Seungkwan throws an accusing finger at Jeonghan, who you can tell is playing innocent through his surprised expression. “You rigged the game!”

“I didn’t do anything! I won fair and square!”

“Count the cards,” Seungkwan tells Wonwoo vengefully. “There won’t be fifty-two, I’m telling you!”

Jeonghan stands suddenly, laying his hand on the table. Everyone else is too busy yelling amongst themselves, and Wonwoo seems to be content with watching them argue, but you catch the way Jeonghan slips the cards in his sleeve into the pile unassumingly.

“Excuse me, boys,” he says smugly, “but I’m going to go on a little victory walk. Don’t mind me, enjoy!”

Seungkwan grumbles, but lets him go in favor of helping Seokmin back into the chair he’s just fallen off of. In the meantime, Jeonghan sidles up to you, faintly smelling of tequila.

“You seem very sober,” he observes.

“I am,” you laugh. “Not entirely, but sober enough to notice the cards you stashed during the game.”

Jeonghan’s face morphs into one of surprise, then mirth. “Shh,” he winks, placing a finger on your lips. That alone short-circuits your brain, so you nearly miss his next words. “It can be our little secret.”

“Oh, you are tipsy tipsy,” you murmur, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know if you’re up for that victory walk you were talking about.”

“I am! I’m so up for it,” he announces, tucking his arm in yours. “Let’s go take a walk outside.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very.”

“What’s four plus four?”

He rolls his eyes. “Ninety-two,” he says sarcastically. “Please, I’m not a lightweight like the rest of our friends.”

You cast a glance at the couch; Soonyoung has been roped into listening into whatever story Yeonju’s telling him very animatedly, sitting attentively with his back unnaturally straight. He looks a little scared of her energetic narration, which is a first for someone like him.

They should be fine, right? You don’t plan on being gone for long — usually you wouldn’t think twice about leaving Soonyoung and Yeonju together, but in their current state you’re not sure how chaotic they’ll get.

“They’ll be fine.” Jeonghan mirrors your thoughts as if he’s read your mind. His voice feels a little too close, like his lips are right by your ear. Too close, too close — you’re faintly aware of your breathing accelerating, heart running on sheer adrenaline.

By the time you snap out of it, he’s already at the door, turning to find you when he realizes you’re not next to him. “Are you coming?”

“Yeah,” is all you can manage before you grab your coat off the hook and follow him out the door. A part of you wishes Yeonju was sober so she could slap the delusion out of you.

Jeonghan opts for the stairs — “We’re only on the second floor!” — and is waiting patiently at the main door for you. The smile he greets you with is blinding, and his eyes crinkle a little more when you return it.

“Did you bring your keys?”

“Right here.” Jeonghan pats his pocket reassuringly and pulls the door open. “After you, m’lady.”

“Thank you, kind sir,” you laugh, reveling in the moment.

It’s windy outside, and you glance over at Jeonghan, satisfied to see that he’s dressed warmly for once. His hands are stuffed in his pockets and for a man his size, his thick sweater is draped over his body in a way that makes him look a little smaller. It’s adorable, and it just makes you want to reach over and squish his cheeks.

“You’re awfully quiet for a man who just won a game against Boo Seungkwan,” you tease gently. Jeonghan chuckles, rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

“Nothing new,” he says. “Seungkwan just has bad strategy and won’t admit it.”

“Or you just enjoy cheating a little too much.”

He gives you a knowing smile. “Touché.”

You’re not exactly sure where you’re going; you don’t think Jeonghan does, either, but the two of you fall in step together perfectly on the sidewalk. It’s not too late yet, maybe nine or ten, and the streets are relatively crowded, as expected for a college city.

“Do you think we’ll be really different when we’re thirty?”

You look at Jeonghan, a bit surprised at the question. “What do you mean?”

“Like, we’re twenty-one now,” he explains, “Remember when we were sixteen? We had so many ideas about what we were gonna be, and we’re already there. Five years passed so quickly.”

You nod, reminiscent of your childhood days. “We’re gonna hit thirty before we know it.”

“Do you think I’ll be bald by thirty?”

“If you are, I’ll take lots of pictures of you and your shiny head,” you joke. “For memories.”

“Noo, not my hair,” Jeonghan laments theatrically. “My gorgeous, gorgeous hair.”

You can’t even counter that, because it’s true: Jeonghan must have won the gene pool because his hair has always been soft and silky. It’s longer now than it used to be, curling a little bit just under his ears and brushing the back of his neck.

“Soonyoung’s been campaigning for you to go platinum blond,” you inform him. “He keeps saying if you do it, he’ll dye his whole head bright yellow.”

“Highlighter Soonyoung is really not something I want to see.”

The more the wind picks up, the tighter Jeonghan has his arm looped around yours. His lips are pursed, like he’s preoccupied with something else.

“Y/N.”

“Yes?”

“Are we still gonna be friends when we’re thirty years old?”

The subtle, vulnerable tone in his voice surprises you a little bit. Drunk words are sober thoughts, you suppose.

You try to cheer him up, saying, “Why, did you think you could get rid of me that easily?”

“No,” he shakes his head firmly. “Everything is so much easier with you.”

Don’t be delusional, don’t be delusional, is the mantra in your head as you attempt to ignore your rapid heartbeat. The truth is that you agree — the way Jeonghan just gets you makes things so uncomplicated and free.

It’s been this way since middle school, when twelve-year-old you found home in the boy who always helped you sneak snacks from your desk during class when the teacher wasn’t watching.

Jeonghan has always been the first person you think of in a sticky situation; he’s always been reliable, above all, because he knows you would do the same for him without even needing to think about it. He’s been by your side for so long, you can’t even picture what a life without him would look like now.

Your next words would never see the light of day had Jeonghan been sober, but you suppose you can get away with erring on the side of honesty.

“Me too,” you tell him quietly, holding onto him just a little bit tighter. “I like life a little better when it’s with you.”

because i love you, because saying i love you isn't enough

PRESENT DAY

The office is quiet when it’s late at night; there aren’t many people who enjoy staying past their stated hours, but you figure it can’t hurt to finish some additional tasks when you don’t really have much to go home to. You can’t remember the last time you had a day to yourself without worrying about deadlines; the lines of code haunt you in your sleep and fill every waking hour. Every night spent working overtime is a testament to your determination, though it crumbles it a little each time.

Today, though, you’re joined by Junhui and Wonwoo, the three of you working under the dim light. The rest of your team packed up and left hours ago, so it’s just you on this floor of the building.

“I feel like my eyes are melting in their sockets,” Junhui complains, stretching for the first time in what you think is a solid eight hours. “I don’t know how Wonwoo does it.”

“He’s a machine,” you joke. He’s got headphones on, most probably noise canceling, so you know he can’t hear you two. (Or he’s choosing not to.) “I just don’t want to go home with this stuff unfinished because I know I won’t stop thinking about it all night.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve pulled an all-nighter in the office.”

“Unfortunately.”

Junhui frowns. “You need to take time for yourself,” he expresses. You let him lecture you, even though he’s younger. “Do stuff that you enjoy that doesn’t involve writing code. You know, enrich your personal life.”

“Maybe,” you sigh, putting your head in your hands. “There’s barely any time as of now.”

“Speaking of personal lives, I still can’t believe you won’t tell me about your date,” he sulks. “You’ve always come back with stories about your dates.”

“There haven’t even been that many,” you say at the same time Wonwoo turns around with his headphones off of one ear, asking, “Date? Really?”

You give the man a look. “You didn’t hear us say your name, but that was what caught your attention?”

“Well, Jun’s always talking, but the last time you went on a date was two years ago, so this is news to me.”

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” Junhui reasons. “Everyone has bad dates. It’s a universal experience.”

“Okay, first of all, it was not a date,” you clarify. “I just met up with a friend from college.”

This piques Wonwoo’s interest. “Wait, really? Who?”

“Right, I keep forgetting you guys went to college together,” Junhui mutters under his breath.

“Did you see Yeonju again?”

“It was nobody,” you lie through your teeth, kicking yourself internally for your choice of words. As much as both men know about your ongoing tug-of-war situation with Jeonghan, you don’t really want to bring it up in conversation, and definitely not now of all times. “It went fine, just some catching up.”

“So it wasn’t a date?”

“You really need to stop believing everything Junhui tells you without fact checking it first.”

“Damn,” he says. “And we thought you were finally getting some action.”

“Wonwoo!”

The conversation is interrupted by the low rumble of your stomach in the few seconds of silence that pass afterwards. Both men turn to look at you expectantly.

“I haven’t eaten all day,” you admit, a little embarrassed. “I’m starving.”

“I’ll order takeout,” Wonwoo volunteers, already reaching for his phone. “Is kimchi fried rice okay with you guys?”

“Fine by me.”

“With pork?” Junhui asks hopefully.

“Done.”

The three of you promptly get back to work, aiming to maximize the amount of work you get done before the food arrives and you inevitably break focus. By the time the delivery notification goes off on Wonwoo’s phone, you’ve knocked off about three quarters of your to-do list for the day.

Good enough, you reassure yourself, pulling the sticky note off of your desk and flicking it into the trash can.

Junhui eats in a record time of ten minutes — you swear you’ve never seen him scarf down food this fast before — and starts packing up at his desk, dropping off a couple of notes on Seungcheol’s desk for tomorrow morning’s meeting.

“My girlfriend is going to be so upset if I’m not home soon,” he says ruefully, slinging his bag over one shoulder. “Take care, guys! And thanks for dinner, Wonwoo, I owe you one.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

You and Wonwoo finish not too long after, and you take your time cleaning up the place, making sure everything is thrown away and in its place.

“Are you ready to lock up and go?”

“Yeah, let’s head out.”

It’s not until you’re in the elevator, heading to the parking garage, that Wonwoo speaks up again. A little hesitantly at first, but the concern in his tone is still evident.

“Hey, has everything been good with you lately?”

“Hm?” You look at him curiously, wondering what it was that made him ask. “Yeah, why?”

He shrugs, looking down at you through thick-rimmed glasses. “Just haven’t checked in with you in a bit. Seungcheol’s needed me all over the place lately, so it’s been a while since I caught up with you guys.”

“Right, you’ve been in back to back meetings with the design team,” you muse. “Seolhwa was talking about how chaotic it’s been in the restroom earlier.”

“Yeah, it’s been pretty tough.”

The elevator opens with a ding! and you follow him out, fishing for your keys that are probably somewhere in one of your pockets.

“I parked a little far,” you tell him, “so I’ll get going now. But I’ll see you at tomorrow’s meeting, right?”

Wonwoo just looks at you gently, like he’s seeing right through you.

“Jeonghan’s the one you met up with, isn’t he?”

You freeze. “What?”

“I had a feeling, but it was a little more obvious when you started getting defensive,” he chuckles. “Plus, I think you forget I’ve known you for nearly a decade now.”

You allow yourself to breathe, relaxing the taut muscles in your neck. “I didn’t want to make it awkward,” you admit. “I know you said you guys still keep in touch sometimes. I don’t want to make it weird.”

Wonwoo raises his eyebrows. “Just for birthdays and things like that. We weren’t really that close in college, either.”

Not really knowing what to say, you stay silent, eyes glued to the ground. He seems to sense this and drops the matter, reaching over to pat your shoulder.

“I won’t pry,” he says lightly, “But if you ever want to talk about it, just know you can always call up an old friend.”

You smile. “Thanks, Wonwoo.”

“Take care, Y/N. Get home safe.”

The drive home is numbing. The playlist you have on dulls into background noise as you focus on the road, fighting the urge to yawn. It’s nearly eleven o’clock at night, and all you want is to be back in your bed.

At the back of your mind, all you can think about is the text you woke up to this morning.

yoon jeonghan: hey, i just wanted to tell you tomorrow is my last day in seoul

yoon jeonghan: i don’t know if you want to see me or not, but i’ll be at semicolon cafe working for most of the day. pls drop by if you have some free time. i really miss you.

So typical of him, to leave it up to you to go find him. And yet, you would — if it came down to it, you would go to the ends of the earth if he asked you to.

Yeonju would be furious if you told her you were even considering it, you scold yourself. After all, she’d only told you to speak to him once for your own peace of mind. Last week should have given you all the closure you needed.

Still, your conscience is swayed at the idea of being able to see him again.

You shake the thoughts out of your head, as if the subtle action could erase the pain and longing you’ve felt for the past eight years.

The traffic light turns green. You step on the gas and don’t look back.

even if i can't be the perfect weather for you, will you still love me like this?

SIX YEARS AGO

Jeonghan has been in the studio for hours.

Nothing seems to sound right, and the frustration makes him want to pull his hair out. He can’t even remember the last time he got out of the chair, but he doesn’t want to lose even a little bit of whatever workflow he’s managed to maintain while he’s been in here.

Occasionally, when the weather is just a little dull and time seems to tick by too slowly, he wonders if he made the right choice. Maybe he should have stuck with his career, actually put his degree to use, instead of setting it aside in the name of passion.

He’s vocalized these thoughts to his manager many times, and Jihoon is awfully good at raising his spirits, but the self doubt seeping into his soul is very hard to ignore.

Reluctantly, he presses the play button again, whatever he’s conjured up in the last couple of hours playing in his headphones again. It doesn’t sound any better this time.

Yes, he could swallow his pride and ask Jihoon for help, but after a year and a half of unsuccessful ventures in the music industry, he wants to be able to do something on his own.

Prove himself; to Jihoon, the world, and you.

Jeonghan will never forget your only words to him when he’d first revealed his plan to switch career paths, just a month or two before graduation.

(“I always believe in you,” you’d said, following it up with a comforting hug.

“Always?”

“Always.”)

And when you said that with such conviction, placing all of that trust and belief in his hands, he knew there was no way he could turn back on what he’d set his sights on. In truth, on days where things just seem so bleak, you are his strength, and he wishes he could tell you that.

But when your name comes through on his phone, he falters.

What is he supposed to say? All he can give is excuses, that nothing’s really worked, nothing has panned out in his favor yet. As it is, the two of you haven’t spoken that much since graduating, both of you occupied with your own goals and careers, and at times like these he feels your absence a little extra.

Is this what it means to grow up and grow apart?

For now, he ignores the buzzing, telling himself he’ll come back when he’s snagged his first real achievement. You’ll be proud of him, and he’ll finally make something of himself.

Jihoon walks into the room, closing the door quietly, right when he’s about to listen to the track for maybe the hundredth time.

“Oh, hey.” Jeonghan can hear the exhaustion in his own voice. “What’s up?”

“Wondering when the last time you slept was.” Jihoon sinks into the chair beside him, trying to lighten the mood. “You look like a zombie.”

“Yeah, I feel like one.”

“You need to spend less time in here,” Jihoon advises gently. “Or you’re going to lose your mind. Trust me, I’ve been there.”

“I just can’t figure out what it is I’m missing,” Jeonghan sighs, evidently frustrated. “It’s like, almost there, but not really. It’s been killing me for days.”

“You know, these things do take time.”

“Or maybe I’m just not cut out for this and I should just go work for a news channel instead.”

Jihoon watches him carefully, picking up on his slumped shoulders and tired eyes. “And then you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you held on just a little bit longer. Do you really want that?”

Jeonghan doesn’t really know what else to say. He’s been hearing the same things from everyone around him — his parents, his sister; everyone talks of a future where he’s already succeeded, but that isn’t set in stone. Nothing is promised, he knows.

“I need a miracle,” he mumbles instead.

“You need to eat,” Jihoon corrects. “I just placed an order for dinner, and I know you like sundubu-jjigae, so you have no excuse to bail on me this time.”

Jeonghan considers this for a moment, then gives in. “Fine,” he says, “but I can’t stay too long.”

“Good.” Jihoon rises, and then places a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. “I’m proud of you. You’ve been working really hard.”

“Thank you.”

He’s alone again, when the door closes behind the shorter man. It’s something he’s had to get used to; he’s learned to rely on himself over the past year or so, but when the reality of loneliness sinks in, it breaks his heart just a little.

Even more so knowing that it’s his fault that he’s pushed everyone away, including you.

Your name is still burned into Jeonghan’s brain, and his fingers itch to respond, but he ignores the urge. His phone is left forgotten as he slips his headphones on again, tinkering with the unfinished track.

And the thought of you dissolves into the music.

we used to be best friends, i remember you said you can be yourself when i'm around

PRESENT DAY

Today is the day that Choi Seungcheol learns that you are full of surprises.

In all your five years of working for him, he’s never once had you call in sick for work or ask for a day off. You’ve always been hard-working, maybe too much at times, but he sounds like he definitely didn’t anticipate this.

“Oh,” is all he says when you request the morning off. “Yeah, sure. Are you feeling alright?”

“Not really, but I will be before the client meeting at three, so I’ll be present for that.”

“Oh, all right. We’ll see you then.”

“See you.”

It weighs on your conscience that the first time you request time off also happens to be the first time you blatantly lie to your boss, but you’ve already deliberated this enough with Yeonju over call last night.

(“I’ve been such an honest worker,” you said dramatically, “and now I’m running all that to the ground.”

“Don’t be so theatrical. Choi Seungcheol can afford to give you half a day of paid leave.”)

Now that you’ve settled that, you grab your heavy winter coat, setting out into the morning cold. Damn Yoon Jeonghan for making you move your whole day around for him. You had predicted correctly that Yeonju would berate you for it — you sat through a lecture over the phone last night — but that hadn’t deterred your resolve to see him again.

Who knows? His behavior is so erratic that even you, who knew him like the back of your hand at one point, can’t predict him anymore. Today could very well be the last time you see him for another few years until he decides he has the time for you again.

Whatever, you huff to yourself as you walk briskly, knowing that as upset as you get, the soft spot you harbor for him will never go away.

You had worried that it would be a little too early, since it’s only eight in the morning, but you have no problem finding Jeonghan in the sea of caffeine-deprived corporate workers getting their fix in the small establishment. He’s engrossed in his laptop, and he doesn’t realize you’re there until you take the seat across from him, waiting for him to look up.

“Oh,” is all he says, pushing his screen down. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

You sigh. “Yeah, I didn’t think I would, either.”

Jeonghan gives you a sorrowful look, hair fluffy like a halo around his face. “I’m trying, I really am.”

“Jeonghan —”

“I’m juggling so many things at once,” he says quietly. “And I never wanted you to think any less of me. I wanted you to be proud of me..”

“I was. I still am.”

“But I still haven’t done anything.” He sounds more agitated as he speaks. “I haven’t gotten anywhere, I’ve barely made a name for myself. Nothing I do is paying off.”

“You’re trying, though,” you tell him. It saddens you to see him like this. It’s not often that Jeonghan talks about how he feels, especially not now that you’ve grown so distant. “And you don’t have to go off and accomplish great things for me to be proud of you. I already am.”

He’s quiet, like he’s dwelling on something.

“I’m sorry,” he says a few seconds later. “It’s just all been such a mess.”

“That’s okay.”

In the silence between those two words are many more that don’t need to be spoken for him to understand. You’re doing okay. Everything will turn out okay.

“I wish things could go back to the way they were,” he says again, eyes a little shiny when he looks back at you.

Nostalgia fills your brain, all of those treasured memories with him resting in a well-lit corner of your heart.

“You know, it really hurts, Han, to keep doing this push and pull with you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“Don’t apologize,” he laughs wistfully, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Shit, I never meant to hurt you, Y/N, honestly. And I’m really trying to be better about it. Things are looking up now, I think. It’s getting a little easier than before.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” You offer him a reassuring smile. “I knew you could do it.”

“How…” Jeonghan starts tentatively. “How long are you here for?”

“I’m not sure,” you reply, fidgeting with one of your bracelets. “Not too long.”

“Are you going to have something to eat?” An olive branch.

“I have food I meal-prepped at home.” A subtle denial.

The silence is loud. You try to think of something, anything to say to fill it, but you come up blank. There’s not much else to be said in the fraught air between the two of you. Not now, anyways.

“I’m sorry, I should let you get back to work,” you say suddenly, eyes landing on his half shut laptop. “I didn’t mean to take time out of your day.”

“That’s okay,” he says softly. “I’m really glad I got to see you.”

“Have a safe trip to… wherever you’re going.”

He chuckles. “Just Jeju, but thank you.”

Before you leave, you reach for the scarf loosely wrapped around your neck — your favorite one you’ve had since college, the plaid cream-colored one — and you set it down on the table. He just looks at you questioningly.

“Why…?”

“It’s cold,” you say with a faint smile. “You haven’t changed, Yoon Jeonghan.”

“Thank you.”

You take the time to memorize him — the curve of his face, the soft look in his eyes, the one reserved for you and the ones he holds close. If you could etch his features in your brain here and now, you would.

“Well,” you start, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Don’t be a stranger, Han. The next time I see your name, it better be a call from you instead of another news headline.”

Jeonghan nods, eyes forming crescents. “I’ll do my best.”

And there is something to be said about the love in looking back, for sure, but there is also love in not looking back, in choosing to keep your eyes trained on the path before you. There is love in knowing your weaknesses, that if you turn around you might not be able to walk away after all.

You don’t release the breath you’re holding until you walk out the door. It’s raining, you realize with a start, the previously clear sky clouded over. It seems that your overcast heart has been mirrored by the earth.

The rhythmic droplets provide a strange sense of comfort as you let yourself get soaked, for lack of an umbrella. It works in your favor, anyway, because nobody will assume anything’s amiss if your face is already drenched.

Pit, pat. The smell of wet soil rises in your nostrils, and you let the tears fall.

no matter where i am in the world, i'll say it's you

FOUR YEARS LATER

The lights are blinding, and the sounds of the camera shutters are incessant. But this is the life Jeonghan has always dreamed of, so he doesn’t dare complain.

In truth, he doesn’t care for a lot of the interviews he’s been asked to do — he can’t be bothered by the mundane, mind-numbing questions he gets asked over and over again. Nothing ticks him off like the insensitive digs into his personal life they always ask him, searching for information he doesn’t wish to disclose.

But he does it, anyway, because what choice does he really have? It’s good for your image, Jihoon always tells him, adding another event to his schedule. It’s for your public platform.

“So, you’ve come out with another hit single,” the interviewer starts, beaming at him. His teeth are so artificially white, they seem to reflect the bright studio lights. “How does it feel to accomplish such a success yet again?”

“It’s really great,” Jeonghan answers honestly. “I’m very grateful to my manager, producer, and my beloved family. And, of course, all of the wonderful fans. I couldn’t have done any of this without them.”

“A touching answer as always, Jeonghan-ssi.” The man flashes a smile at the cameras. “Your new single To You was really well received by fans, especially for its fresh and passionate take on what it feels like to be in love.”

The blazer feels stiff now, under the heat of the lights. Jeonghan tries not to dwell too deeply on the true inspiration for the song he’d written late at night a couple years ago, overcome by his own heart.

“I’m really glad that everyone’s been enjoying it so much. That really was the intention,” he says, “to have a song that makes you feel like you’re floating.”

“And it does!” the interviewer laughs. “A lot of viewers really appreciated the sincerity of feelings that was conveyed through the song. Which raised the question; have you ever been in love before?”

Something akin to a late realization suddenly hits Jeonghan right there in the hot seat, under all those lights and cameras. His hand comes up to toy with the end of the scarf he’s wearing, a keepsake of treasured memories.

“Maybe,” he says with a wistful smile.

Wherever you are in the world right now, there’s a small part of him that dares to hope you’re watching.

“Maybe I have.”

thank you for reading! if you have any feedback, i'd love to hear it :) much love, ashi xx

#jeonghan x reader #svt #seventeen #svt x reader #seventeen x reader #svt one shot #svt fics #svt jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan #jeonghan friends to lovers #jeonghan one shot #jeonghan fics #kpop fanfic

424 notes · View notes

spidybaby · 10 months ago

Text

Not The Romantic Type | Part Three

Part One | Part Two

"Aren't you nervous?" Fer asks, hands busy helping Pedri fix his smoking. "I'm about to colpase from the excitement."

"I feel like I'm going to cry myself to sleep, but in a bad way, I can't believe that I'm actually on the top three to get this."

If you ask him, only in his dreams, he was able to be on the top three of the most likely to get the ballon d'or.

He improved so much over the years that he worked more on perfecting his game to be able to classifie into the best players.

He remembered the Golden Boy award, Messi won one before winning his ballon d'or. Now he's following into his idol footsteps.

"Mom wants a picture of you on the suit." Fer says as he snaps a picture of him. "Venga, let's go get some food, we still have that meeting with the constructor."

Pedri thank the designer, changing into his normal clothes back to meet the new contractor.

Fer and him are partnering in a restaurant, he trusted his brother as a chef for his whole career. It was obvious he was trusting him with something this big.

"We need an interior designer." The constructor tells them. "I know you have a vision of how you want this to look like. However, I feel that with a little help and more inspiration we can make this amazing."

"Vale, if you think it's what we need, then let's do it!" Pedri says excitedly. "Fer will be the one meeting up with this person since I'll be at the field."

"No problem, I think my girl will be the one. Not that I'm talking bad about the guy, but she's just a star when it comes to modern luxury style."

"Perfecto!" Fer smiles, "Let's meet up with her, I'm so excited."

Pedri was excited about everything, the ceremony in France, the new project, the possible winning of the Champions League.

He was focused on the field and nothing else. That's why Fernando decided to be the caregiver or the project, so Pedri would be all into his element.

The dressing room was euphoric, the players happy about winning the semifinals, they're playing the final at home.

"Visca al Barca" Gavi yells.

"Visca al Barca" they all second.

"And let's all celebrate to our next Ballon d'or, the magician Pedri." Ter Stegen shakes him. "Vamos Pedri!"

They throw all the water they can at him, making him smile and laugh at how much support he has from his friends. His second family.

After the celebration Ferran invited Pedri to a little party he planned. "No lo sé, tiburón. I'm kinda tired and I have to meet with the designer to measure the tux"

"A little party never killed nobody." Ferran insisted, but he denied. He needs rest and peace.

"Vale, pero me lo debes." He hugs him tight. "See you around, pepi."

He drives home, passing in front of the place where the restaurant will take place. He can't help but feel pride, this feels like an extension of their parents' hard work.

Fer was laying on the couch, checking some ideas the ID (interior designer) sent them.

"Hola, tonto." Pedri pulls lightly his brothers hair. "Are those the ideas this girl sent you?"

"Si, look at this, I love this idea she has." Fer pass him the iPad. He sees the ideas, loving all of it. "She's amazing, first thing and I'm already in with everything."

"Yes, this is cool." He checks everything, loving every idea. "When are you meeting her?"

"I think tomorrow." Fer gets up, walking to the kitchen and pulling out food. "But don't worry, I'll update you on everything."

✨️✨️✨️

"So, as you can see here." The constructor pointed to the ceiling. "We thought about lighting that can be dimmed as the sun light goes down."

"My brother and I loved that idea, specially because we have that at home recently installed and I think it will go so well."

"Perfect, our designer will come any minute now, she told me traffic was hectic and she was just a block away but stuck."

"It's okay, I get it. It took me an hour and a half to get here today, so I can't blame her." He laughs, interrupted by his ring tone." Excuse me for a second."

The constructor kept looking at his structure with your design. The sound of heels makes him turn, you were walking fast while holding your iPad and a few more things.

"I'm so sorry, Marc." You apologize, leaving your things on the desk. "I think today is not my day. Is the client mad?"

"Not at all, Y/n." He pats your back. "He's an amazing dude, super relaxed. You will hit it off real quick."

You smile relief. You didn't want to lose this client, specifically because Marc told you they wanted to expand if the first restaurant goes well, meaning you will expand with them.

"Let's meet him them." You nervously giggle. "What's his name again?"

"Fernando, he's a chef."

Before you can even connect the dots, Fer walks into the room, saying goodbye to the person on the line.

"Fernado, so nice you're bac. This is our interior designer, Y/n."

You smile at the sight of him. Haven't seen him since the breakup. He has more facial hair, and he's stronger and definitely more mature looking.

"We know each other." You smile, still surprised at his presence. "We go way back actually."

Fer is as astonishing as you are, opening his arms to greet you into a hug. "It's been a long time no see." He laughs, hugging you tight. "Gosh, I can't believe you're our designer."

"I can't believe you're my clients." You laugh. "Let's leave the talk for later, I want to explain this to you, and then we can use the time."

He nods, letting you explain every part of your ideas. He can't deny that even if it wasn't you, he loves the ideas and can't think of any way to make it better.

You ask him about colors, measurements, textures, and different stuffs you will need to prepare yourself for your work.

"Perfect! We can't say that this meeting was a success." Marc happily says. "I'll keep working while you two chat a little, excuse me." He wayves goodbye while Fer and you say goodbye.

"Entonces," Fer says, picking your side like he used to. "You're a well-known designer." You nod, smiling.

"And you're a well-known chef, Mister González." You laugh. "It's so nice to see you. How have you been?"

"It's been good, I'm older but I think wiser." He hands you your iPad. Helping you with some things. "What about you?"

"I mean, you can tell how I am. I got my dream job and I feel like nothing can go better than this." You shrug.

Fer wants to ask. He needs to ask if you have someone or not, but he doesn't want to intrude into your private life.

"So, how's the family?"

"They're good, nothing to report." You nod. "What about your family? How are Rosy and Fernando? How is the Tasca going?"

You can't help but miss them, specially Rosy, she acted like a mother to you, always worrying about you, taking care of you when you were sick.

"Mom and dad are so good. They are healthy." He smiles at the thought of them. "The Tasca is doing good. This is a little extension of it, but bigger."

"I'm so happy for you, Fer." You hug him, happy about him, making his dream of having his own restaurant come true. "How is Pedri?"

Fer is speechless, he didn't think you will ask about him, not after the way you two ended things.

"Bueno, no le va mal." He laughs. "He's on top three to win the ballon d'or, Barcelona is on the UCL finals, la Liga finals. He's at the top."

You smile, you're happy he is getting all the awards he deserves. He's always been amazing at his job.

"I'm happy for him." You nod. "Even tho I haven't really been aware of the team. I've been busy lately."

"Maybe you can catch up, he's also in this with me." Fer smiles as big as he can "and he's single." He elbow you.

You laugh at this, blushing a little at the confession. You did hear some rumors about him and some girls, deep down wanting for it to be just that, a rumor.

"Don't know why that's important." You giggle, looking down. "We been over for a long time now."

"Well, if you want him back, he's available to be picked."

"Fer." You laugh. "He wouldn't pick me, specially with all the girls he's probably getting." You look away while saying that.

He always got girls, and nobody could deny that. In your mind, they were girls who were hotter than you, prettier than you, more experienced than you.

That was something that made you feel insecure, not that he was engaging with them in any way, he always ignored them or just straight up blocked them.

But you had that little insecure voice from time to time that told you that he had better options and that you needed to step up.

"Don't say that." He says in a serious tone. "You were the best thing Pedri had."

Fer wasn't lying. After you left, Pedri went down a very dark path. He was going out, drinking, bringing girls home.

Everything to make him forget about you. Girls who looked nothing like you, who acted nothing like you.

Girls who went after his money and his fame. They were doing everything they could to show they were with The Pedri from Barcelona.

You on the other side, always made sure to be cautious about not getting recognized. You never wanted the attention that came with being his girlfriend.

You were with him since he was that Canarian guy at Las Palmas, that skinny boy who made it big.

You were there before the fame, before the fans, before the name. But you were his past.

"If you say so." You exhale. "I will send you a virtual look of everything with all of the things you picked."

The change of subject makes Fer think you may not be as interested in his brother as he thought you would be.

Maybe you moved out and didn't want to let it out. Maybe you changed your likes and now you're not up for a footballer.

"Thank you, I'll see you here next time I pass by?"

"You will, I'll be here a lot more."

With a hug goodbye you both walk out to your cars. You wave him as you enter your car, getting a honk from him.

Fer can't even believe the picture he's seeing. He thought Pedri was being honest with him when he said that no more one night stands with random girls whom the club invite to their parties.

He can't help but feel embarrassed about talking to you all this past days about how much Pedri would love to have you back.

But now his little brother is on all the magazines and gossip news of Barcelona and Spain as a taken man by this random influencer who obviously posted more about being at the party.

One part of him can't blame Pedri, he was in a committed relationship since he was sixteen, he obviously went out and went crazy after the break up.

But six years later was a little too much for him to keep his crazy behavior. He had a chance of winning the girl of his dreams back.

Fer can't help but think about you. If you see this news and pictures, you will definitely think all he's been saying is a joke and that he's playing with your feelings.

And how right he was, you can't help but feel anger. He's been spending all this time changing topics to Pedri.

"Pedri was busy but says hello."

"Oh Pedri can't wait to be here to see you."

"When you're back together, I'll be the happiest brother in law you will ever have."

Was he teasing you?

You don't even want to go to work today. You want to call in sick and spend all day in bed thinking about how stupid you are for believing Fernando's words.

But you won't. The breakup didn't stop you back then, and it won't now.

You will walk with your head up, ready to work in your nice outfit. You won't mind, you have so much to lose, he already lost you.

He lost you.

You didn't lose him.

"Buenos días!" You say, giving Marc his favorite coffee order as usual. "Any news I should now?"

"Well, the Calcutta Gold Marble is taking longer than expected but after that nothing to worry about."

You nod, leaving your things at your little station. "As always with Calcutta."

"By the way, Fernando was looking for you. He's outside talking with David." You nod, thanking him and walking to where Fer is.

You know he's about to mention the picture. He can't help it but be so obvious about things. But you will change the subject as much as you can't.

"Hey, boss." You smile "heard you wanted to talk to me."

"Hey, how are you?" He plays with his necklace.

"I'm good. I had a very nice sleep." You smile. "I want to tell you, the Calcutta Gold Marble we picked for the bar area is taking more time. Don't worry about it. That's normal with that material, but just a heads up."

He half smiled, not sure how to approach you. He wants to say sorry. He wants to kick his brother.

"I'm sorry." He spat, can't even think straight due to the blame he feels. "You probably saw the picture and -."

You sigh, not wanting to have this conversation this early. "Fer, let's focus on what we need to focus."

"I just feel like I need to apologize."

"You don't. Let's move to what's important here. Your restaurant."

He understood quickly, not bringing the topic again. That made you relax. Before this project you were fine not thinking about Pedri. You are fine now.

You focus on making this project happen. You wanted Fer to have the best reaction when he sees his project finish.

✨️✨️✨️

"So, are you nervous about tomorrow's match?" The press guy asks him. "It's the finals for the UCL, and then you have to go to France for the Ballon D'or. You have a pretty crazy schedule."

"Bueno, I think I've always had a crazy schedule." He laughs, making the interviewers laugh too. "But I'm not nervous, I trust my team, I have a big trust in all the work we've been doing. We trust out Mister, so to me it's about focusing on staying healthy, making goals and winning."

"Walk us through the process you have for your next trip to France."

"Joder, it's not that much. If I'm honest, I have the tux, have the shoes, have my family, don't think I need anything else."

"Pedri, we got many requests to ask you if you don't walk with a ballon that night, will we see you walking with a special someone?"

He half smile at that question, knowing he fucked up by getting too close to María at the party.

"I don't have a girlfriend. If that's what you're asking." He shrugs. "I'm single. And probably the only lady I will be going to hug during the ceremony and after is my mom. Thank you."

He walks away, mad at himself for allowing this to happen again. He knows this girls just want the hype attached to his name. Specially now, with all the winnings of the club.

"Dude, you okay?" Gavi asks, noticing his frown. "What did they say?"

"They asked if I'm walking out that fucking auditorium with someone, es una putada, I will celebrate the week I don't get linked with some random girl."

Gavi lift his eyebrow. "Si, but the rumors don't just appear." he scuffs and turn to his locker.

"What do you mean?"

"Pedri, you used to be out and about with a different girl every other week. You flew this girl to Manchester. When you came back, you had this other girl in a new hotel. You're doing this to yourself."

He can't even argue because it's true. He did all those things. He flew all these girls. He fucked up his reputation.

"Me cago en la puta." He threw the towel at the inside of his locker. "I just wish I can have some fucking privacy."

"Then don't involve yourself with girls who only care to expose that they're with you." He hits him with his jersey. "Dude, you can go out and find a nice girl who will want a relationship and not just sex and a picture."

He nods, stresses about the topic already. Gavi is right. So is Ferran when he advise him not to mess with every girl that flaunt at him.

And when Fer tries to get some sense into him finding someone to settle to. Someone who will be happy to welcome him after a long day, someone who wants to grow a family with him.

He doesn't want that. Not without you.

He agreed to move out that day when you asked him to be happy, to find someone who would celebrate all his victories.

But he had that. He had you.

He lost you.

The game was about to finish, the extra time about to finish.

The Bayern had a corner. So they have to step up and prevent them from scoring. Just two minutes more and that's it.

"Vale, a ver." He yells, catching up the attention of the players near him. "Marc, just this cover up and the Champion is ours, please catch it." He makes them laugh. "Fermin, cover Davies. Gavi, cover Saliba. I'll cover their number 10."

They all nod, positioning themselves. They were nervous, this was their chance. This was their final chance.

When Marc let the ball go, Gavi was at the right place at the right time. He hit the ball with his feet, making it go out of the goalkeeper area.

Raphinha runs away with it. Getting the ball as far as possible from their area. Just when he's trying to make a assist to Pau, the referee blows the whistle.

Pedri runs to Gavi and Fermin. Hugging them while screaming. The public was as static as they are, cheering for them.

They won. They got the Champions League.

He look over at where his family is, they're screaming and jumping. Everybody is, the whole stadium is.

Running to his parents open arms. He can't help the tears of happiness as he hugs his family.

Feeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr added to his story

You are happy for him, you can't lie to yourself like you do to other people.

You feel proud, he got everything he ever wanted, he got la liga, he got the Champions and he's probably will get the Ballon.

And he did what you asked him to do. He got himself someone to celebrate all that with. Someone who will make him happy.

The sour taste in your mouth haven't left since you saw that picture of him with that girl at the party.

He left you behind, like you asked him to.

You tried to focus on the work you were doing, turning the tv off to pay more attention.

You can't, your mind goes back to the way things used to be. He made mistakes, and you accepted all those mistakes because you loved him.

While he is at his party, with his family and his new girl. You are trying to forget about the memories of him.

You fix all the things Fer asked you to fix in the design, making the things he wanted as similar as possible as he explained.

You texted him, asking him if he was able to come see you to approve everything so you order the material.

Fer answers you while he opens the door of his home. He was still ashamed about the picture situation. He could sense the change in your attitude before and after that picture.

"I need your help, I don't think I can walk upstairs by myself." Pedri whine, he drank more than he should, making him dizzy.

Fer helps him, carrying him while walking upstairs. "Pedri. You need to help me just a bit."

He feels bad, he doesn't want to celebrate alone. All his teammates with their partners and kids and he's alone.

Yes, he has his parents, his brother, this family and friends. But he needs a hug at night when he gets insecure. He needs a shoulder to cry.

He craves intimacy, not sexual intimacy. He wants to feel secure with someone to the point of trusting all his worries and deepest secrets.

He wants someone to know his family, to sit at his parents' table and have a relationship with them.

"I'm sad," he confess. "Am I allowed to be sad?"

Fer can't even understand where this is coming from. He never saw signs of Pedri being sad or never heard anybody telling him to suck it up.

"Pepi, you can be sad." He reassured him. "Why are you sad? Tell me"

Pedri just shakes his head, not even sure how to approach the topic. "I miss my life back when I was twenty."

Fer understood, his brother carries a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, especially now with the whole <he needs to bring the ballon d'or home just like Messi>

"How can I help you, pepi?"

"If you have a magic wand that can bring me back to when I was happy and didn't have to fuck a girl every night to feel something, please use it."

He frowns, not sure how to reassure his brother. He knew Pedri felt alone. He can tell. He told him off about his sex life.

Not shaming him, but making him understand that the pattern he was following was not healthy at all.

"I can help you by not leaving you alone." He hugs him, pating his back lightly to calm him down. "I'm here, always will."

He helps Pedri take his clothes off and get into bed, he wants to check him in case he feels down again.

Once Pedri is passed out, he tries to plan something, how can he help him?

He picks his phone to text his mom that they're home. He sees the last text he sent is to you. The light bulb on his head turns.

He can help him, he's not with anyone, not that girl at the party and is done with the playtime every other week.

If he asks him to go to the meeting and approve the things you need, you can meet and reconnect.

He just needs his brother to be ready tomorrow to meet you. He knows he still thinks about you, and you might still do the same.

He texts you, asking you to meet at four p.m., by that time his brother will be up and fresh to see you.

Feeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr added to his close friends

"I don't even want to be near a drink in my life." Pedri makes a disgusted face, he needs a whole gallon of water.

"Finish the drink so we can go."

The drink looks bad, very bad. Even tho it was just a tea with no sugar. "Maybe I'll just go brush my teeth."

Fer feels excited. He wants his plan to go well. He's anxious but happy. He knows it's about time you two make a move and solve what needs to be solved.

"Vamos, big head." Pedri smack the back of Fer head. "You drive, I can't do nothing yet."

The trip was not as long as usual. The streets were lonely and Fer was driving slowly. He confirmed you were coming before leaving the house.

When he parked, he noticed Marc's car parked in front of the building. To his luck, the parking lot was being modified, so he needed to park in the nearby building.

"Oye, I'll find somewhere to park. There's a little office, white door to the left. Wait for me there."

He does as he's told, walking with his head down. Still feeling the pain from all the drinking he did.

"Hola?" He asks, opening the door a little before entering.

He looks at all the things on the walls, the chair textures, the floor wood, the bar design, the lamps options.

He's in love with all the ideas, with the little real-life version of what the restaurant will look like. With the little pink pen notes the designer left. The door opening can't bother him. Looking at all the planning that they made in so little time.

You can't even blame him, you weren't paying much attention either. Focusing on answering Marc's text about something related to a change that needed to he approved as soon as possible.

"Hola Fer. Sorry I haven't gotten a chance to greet you properly. I've been so busy with all this little things."

You open your bag to search for your iPad, wanting to show him everything quickly to move out and not waste more time.

Pedri turns quickly, the sound of your voice amazes him. You're there after so long. After all this time.

"Hey about the Marble, I think it's best if we just switch the whole piece. This is taking so long." You won't turn, he won't say a word. "Fer?"

The two of you are just standing there, looking at each other, no words in between. Nothing.

Pedri thought a lot about what would happen if he ever saw you again. Definitely all that planning went out the window the second he heard your voice.

You practice too, what if you find him in a bar some day in Barcelona? You wouldn't mind it. But you're minding it very well.

"Hola." You finally say, voice breathless and gone.

His eyes are rooming you up and down. He can't help but point at every little detail that's different about you, different in a good way. You feel the heat coming up your cheeks. He's there, looking more mature, more handsome.

You shake your head, you have one job to do, getting the changes approved to the project move forward.

"Is your brother coming? Because I really need him to approve this for me." You grab your iPad, tying to look uninterested.

"Oh, I can approve it." He extend his hand and you hand him the device. "Just explain to me what this is exactly?"

While you explain every little detail about the changes, showed him how it was before to compare and to see if he likes it.

He likes everything, but there's something about the way you talk, something about the way you smell, you didn't change that perfume you love.

"I like your hair." Your hair is longer. He loves that. You always talked about wanting to let it grow to try new hairstyles.

You smile, the closeness not helping the situation. "Thank you." You say softly.

You might act calm, but from the inside, you're about to burst because of the way he looks. It's a good thing he changed his style.

Also his perfume, he's using the same perfume you gave him once, he didn't change it. And that facial hair is gone, he's shaved and clean.

"Do you like how everything is, or do you want to make any more changes?" You ask, trying to act professional.

"I mean, you're a star. This looks amazing." He praise you. Making you feel a wave of pride. "Fer will love this."

Your smile grows, you're happy he likes the changes. But you like even more the way he's praising you work like never before.

"So how are you?"

You close the iPad, sending Marc an "approval" copy of the digital prototype. "I'm good, been working hard and I've been busy with it." You shrug, not sure what else to say. "Congrats on the UCL, I heard you guys won."

He smiles, winning the game with his two goals was more than he ever expected. "We did, thank you."

"two goals huh?" You tease him. Feeling a little confident.

He rolls his eyes playfully. Laughing at your teasing. "I'm kind of proud of that, I'm in my Messi era? Or something like that."

You both laugh, you missed this, miss having someone to joke to. You back away from his circle, haven't seen his friends since then, when you are in Tenerife you won't go to his parents Tasca.

You missed having someone from your past in Barcelona. Someone who knew you before the city, someone who knew you as well as he did.

"That's great." You pat his arm. "I guess I'll see you around." You walk with him to the entrance. "Tell your brother I'll text him, I still need to show him some things."

"Sure, if not, you can text me. It won't hurt if I get a little more involved." He throws the jab at you, noticing your little lip smile.

"I'll ask your brother to send me your number." You say, stopping in from of the exit door. "Bye." You walk over the construction area, he can't keep his eyes away from you.

When he's out, Fernando is waiting for him in his car, the smile he has, knowing what he did. He acts as if nothing happened, he couldn't find parking and wait for you.

"Hey, was everything looking good?"

Pedri scuff, shaming his head while smiling. "Hijo'puta" he jokes, hitting him in the head. "You didn't told me she was here"

"I wanted to surprise you."

"Joder, she looks beautiful. Her smile hasn't changed at all, and her eyes, mierda, are shining like crazy."

Fernando is happy hearing Pedri talk about you, he haven't seen him this happy in a long time. Haven't talk about anyone like this in a long time.

"Her perfume, Dios mio. She hasn't changed that perfume, the same since we met." He's still rambling about you. "You didn't tell me, why?"

"I thought it was for the best, plus you were finding out once you started coming."

"Would it be crazy if I confess that I might be in love still?"

The smile on their faces is comical. Fer knew he never forgot you, and Pedri was just admitting it out loud.

"No." He laughs. "You have one more chance, dude. Don't blow it."

And he doesn't.

Every chance he gets now, he will visit the place. He will be there even tho there's nothing of interest happening.

He loves making small talk with you. Having you explain everything you do or everything you order.

It's weeks and weeks of him doing this, bringing you a coffee or drink every time. You can't help but smile at him, still remembering your order of drink.

Also if he has training in the evenings, he will bring you something to eat for lunch. Worrying because you don't give yourself a little break. In his words.

"This is what I was telling you the other day. If you put this on the bar, it will look better than this other one." You show him, thinking he's playing attention.

"Let me take you out on a date."

You smile, not sure what to say. You want to accept, you still have feelings for him. But you don't want to feel what you used to feel when you were with him.

"Please, I know a place you would love."

"Pedri, I don't think it's a good idea. We are working together and if this doesn't go well its just going to be awkward for us."

"It will not, please just give me a chance." he beggs, grabbing your hands. "If you don't like it or you don't feel good I promise I will back off."

His hands on yours, thumbs caressing your fingers. You want to say no, not repeating the pattern. But you want to give him the chance his asking.

"Vale, but you have to promise me that you won't wear those ugly skinny jeans."

He laughs, he knows how much you used to hate those kind of jeans. Always asking him to let you into his closet to get rid of them.

"If you want to you can dress me, I'll be Ken and you can style me all the way."

You shake your head no while laughing, "I don't think you'll like me throwing half your closet."

If you had. A chance back then, those Jean shorts and skinny jeans were a must in the out of the closet list.

"Let's go tonight, I'll pick you up and everything."

You nod, writing your address in a pink post it. Thing that make him smile, you loved leaving little notes for him everywhere in his house or car.

"pick me up by 8?" You ask, making him nod. "Te veo entonces." You kiss his cheek goodbye.

You do your best work trying to act normal. When you're on your car you let a big scream. You were excited.

It's been six years, obviously it was nerve breaking.

You hurry home, you have time to calmly change and get ready. You picked a nice outfit, nothing too casual or too formal. The perfect middle point.

You have a long everything shower. Making sure to be as smooth as possible. It's not like you're thinking about doing anything but just to be sure.

Pedri was doing basically the same thing, making sure everything is clean and nice for the night.

He even make sure his car is in neat condition, asking Fer to go to a car wash to get it ready.

"You look fine, niño." Fer reassure him again. "vete ya, or you'll be late."

"Deseame suerte."

"You don't need it, just don't fuck this up and you'll be fine." Fer laughs.

You pass around your livingroom, you boots heel making a sound with every strep. You wanted this to go well.

The doorbell made you freeze. You check mentally if everything is good. Check yourself on the little mirror before opening the door.

"Hola, guapa."

"Hola." You blush a little at the compliment. "What is this?"

He hands you the small bouquet of your favorite flower. "A little souvenir from me, to you."

You small at the little game of words, you taught him that. Every time you got him something you used to say that to him.

You like how he tries to fix the past by not making the same mistakes, he bought you flowers, like you say you wanted back then.

"Gracias, get in, I'll put them on water."

He checks your house, he can't deny that he loves your taste, always did. You have a beautiful house.

His eyes land on a specific blanket, he gifted you that on your second anniversary. He remembered that you wanted the blanket and since he was winning some money on Las Palmas. He went out and got it for you.

"You still have this?" He caresses the material. Memories of how happy you were when you got the gift.

You check what he was talking about, smiling a little when you see what he means. "I do. I love that blanket." You grab your bag and stand next to him. "Plus, I usually watch movies or take naps on the couch, so it's the perfect location."

You walk to your door, making him follow you. "I didn't think you had it still."

"That means you don't have any of the gifts I've ever given you?" You joke, knowing most of the things you gave him were clothes.

He thinks for a second, he does have a ring you gave him for his birthday, he loves that ring. Or the bracelet with an eight engraved.

"I do." he smile, he had everything you gifted him. "I have the ring you gave me when I turned eighteen."

When you walk to the car you see a black Lexus. "Where is the Porsche?" You ask as he opens the door for you.

"Had to upgrade a little bit."

You see a crazy clean car, smelling fresh. You laugh a little, he was never this clean with his car.

The drive to the place was confortable, he asked you about your past works and you asked him about football. The usual.

Dinner was fine, you did liked the place and the food. He was right about it. He even ordered dessert and acted as if the waitress had forgotten the other one just to share it with you.

"It was amazing, thank you very much." You say, turning back to face him as you reach your front door. "I had so much fun"

He steps closer to you, hands on your waist. "That means this is me winning my chance with you?"

Your breathing accelerates. His closeness is making things to you. The tip of his nose is touching yours. You nod at his question, unable to say something.

He smiles, he can tell by your accelerate breathing and the way your hands are on his arms that you don't mind him being this close.

He lay his head on your shoulder, hands on your back and thumbs caressing your sides. Your hands roam his arms. Scratching lightly.

"You have practice tomorrow." You say as you finally get some sense back into you. "And it's getting late."

"I think they will be fine without me there. I just won us the UCL."

His breathing on your neck is tempting. But you want to take things slowly, you want to take baby steps with him.

"I don't." You try to think of an excuse on why he can't stay. "I don't have an extra toothbrush."

He laughs, understanding the message. He wants to go slowly too, proving that he's not the same one who hurt you.

Plus, you are not one of his one night stands, he doesn't want you to feel like one. "Oh no! That means I have to go home." He kiss your collarbone and pull away from you.

You fix a piece of his hair, hand on his arm, securing yourself. "I like your hair like this." Your nails brush his hair. Making him close his eyes at the sensation.

"I'll come see you after training." He pulls away from you. "I really want to take you out again, I missed this."

"I would love that." You kiss his cheek goodbye. Entering you house and waving him a quick goodbye.

The whole trip home was him and his mom on the phone. He always trusted Rosy with anything, her and his father were the first people he calls when something good or bad happens.

He's mad, throwing his phone on the coffee table next to him.

He doesn't understand how people get to judge him based on things that are not related to football. On the field, he does the work. He makes sure he does assists, he even got some goals like the two of the last game.

He's good, he won't say otherwise. It took him so much effort to admit that he's as good as everybody else and saying he's not is unfair to his work and progress.

"Don't mind the things people say on the internet about you."

"I can't help it. Those random dudes on x saying things about me as if they know me."

"Their opinion don't matter." You pull him by the shoulders. He lays on top of you, hiding his face on the crock of your neck. "Don't let a random person affect your day."

You two have been seeing each other for three months, he makes sure to always go check on you after or before practice.

Always bring you something, some flowers, some coffee or a drink. Something to eat. Named it, and it'll be there.

He loves how much you two progress, and you love how much he showed you he changed, how much different he is from who he was back in the day.

"Don't go to work today, stay with me." He pouts.

You smile, nails scratching his scapl. "I have to go, either way your brother will be blowing my phone with questions and worries about every other thing."

"Block him." He jokes, knowing that Fernando was a perfectionist and wants this project to be as perfect as possible. "Seriously do." He kiss your shoulder before getting off of you.

"If I do I'll be fired." You joke back.

He makes a face. "They can't fire you. I'll get you back in." kissing your lips as he hugs your waist, head on your lap. "I don't want to do anything today."

Your fingers scratch his head, trying to calm him down. "I'll be here later, we can watch something on tv."

He nods, loving the feeling of your hands on his hair. Calming down from his frustration. He missed that, the level of confort, not needing to hide to feel intimacy, he missed feeling happy with a girl.

"I wish I could stay, but right now, I'm the one who calms your brother down when he gets perfectionist with every little detail." He understood, enjoying the feeling of being in your arms.

✨️✨️✨️

"Am I crazy or are the lights way too yellow?" Fer asks, judging every little detail he feels is wrong. "And the material, do you think is okay?"

You wanted to laugh, this was a very common thing with clients, they all freak out with the progress.

"Fernando, please don't worry. I promise this would look amazing in a few weeks when things are more placed and organized."

He nods, going to question Marc about something he thought was not right. You move to your office, wanting to organize your things.

You answer Pedri's text, and he told you he was bored and lonely without you. You laugh and answer with a picture of your messy desk.

You hear a knock on your door. "Can I come in?" When you see who it is, your eyes light up.

"Oh my God! Hello." You say happily.

"How are you, nena? I missed you."

"I've been good, working like crazy. You know me, kinda workaholic." You laugh. "How are you? How's Fernando and how's the Tasca doing?"

"We're fine, the Tasca is doing great, a lot of people. You need to go back and pay us a visit." Rosy says, taking a seat next to you. "Fer told me you were working with them, I'm so happy for you."

You love Rosy, she was like a mother to you. She took care of you when you needed it. She cooked for you, she went to your high school graduation when your family couldn't.

She was special to you, really loved her like a family, the same with Fernando. They were family.

You got away from them after the breakup, you needed space and so did Pedri. You thought that invading his space by being near his family was wrong. That's why when you were on Tenerife you didn't went out to see them.

"I am, I didn't know it was them when I got into the project. I'm happy I did. I've missed them."

You talk for a while about different topics, mostly her telling you about all the things that happened all this years.

You also told her about your years, how you ended up with this job and how it was. It was nice to have the talk you two had.

"I missed you, I miss my daughter." She confess. You smile at that. You missed them too.

"I missed you too, sorry I didn't come back to your place. I thought it was the right thing to do after the breakup."

"I get it." She grabs your hands. "Pedri also told me that you guys were trying to see if things work out again."

You smile, nodding. "We are, I feel like we both want that and I feel this is the right thing to do."

"I hope it works out for you two, I want my girl back." She hugs you.

You two talk a little more until Fer went looking for his mom. You grab your things and walk with them to the entrance. You all say goodbye to Marc, asking him to text or call you if he needs anything.

You say goodbye to them, saying that you will call Fer to meet up for lunch on another occasion.

✨️✨️✨️

"Do you want a little smoothie?" You ask Pedri as he walked downstairs. "I made a banana and strawberry one."

He nods, walking over to you. He wraps his arms around your waist, kissing your shoulder and your neck.

"I have training at two." He says in a raspy voice. "And I have to pack, will you help me, preciosa?"

You nod, passing him a glass with smoothie. You kiss his forehead and fix his hair a little. "We can work on your luggage after training. I have a meeting and I can't keep missing work." You bop his nose.

He smirks, he knows you work hard, but you have been missing some days of work thanks to him. You didn't have that much problem since they were the one who hired you, and Marc was okay with your working from home.

"I'll pick you up after practice." He smile, kissing you. "I'll get us some food and we can watch your favorite movie while you help me."

You both enjoy your smoothies, talking a little about different topics. Not caring about anything else but each others company.

He planned to ask you to go to the ceremony with him in Paris, he wanted you there, he needed you as much as his family there.

He went to practice, the technical team and his teammates organized him and Gavi a little celebration for good luck.

"I need to know what cream this dude is using because those bags under his eyes disappeared in no time." Raphinha jokes. Hugging him.

They are all in the bathroom, having a chat while getting clean and fresh to go home.

"He's using vitamin love." Ferran jokes from the bathroom. "He's a lover boy now."

They all hit Pedri's head while congratulating him about being in love. He enjoys the messing.

"Venga, this is not a crazy new." He says, fixing his hair.

"It is." Fermin says, hitting the back of his head. "You were the whore of the group and Ferran is here, take that in."

"Mira capullo, I'm a saint." Ferran yells.

"Joer', it was not that bad." He tried to justify himself.

"It was." Gavi says. "That why we are happy that you have a stable relationship. With someone you love and who loves you." Gavi hugs him. Making all the others hug him too.

After the shower chat, he left looking for some flowers, looking for some fresh food from your favorite place, your favorite dessert.

He knocks on your door. When you open, you're greeted by a big bouquet of flowers, you smile taking them from him.

"Hola." He smiles. "You look so pretty." He close the gap between you two kissing your lips. "I have our dinner in the car, ready to go?" You nod, putting your flowers in a pot before leaving with him.

Your relationship has improved, you love the effort he's making.

When you broke up, you told him he didn't have time for you, that he never gave you flowers, he never cared for you to feel like you matter to him.

He wants to change that. He wants you to feel validated, and he wants you to feel loved. Because he loves you and would change a thing about you.

"I have a little something for you." You say, picking the little box and putting it in your purse. "Let's go, guapo."

He asks about it, questioning you about the content inside the box. You told him that he has to wait until later to find out.

When you two arrive at his house, you help him with his bag. Talking about something you saw on tv the other day.

"I forgot to tell you, Gavi and Ferran say hi." He says as you walk into his room. Food in hand. "And Ferran wants to know if you can unlock him on Instagram." He laughs.

You laugh with him, promising you will do it later. You left your phone charging downstairs, so he had to wait.

"Do you know what you want to take?" You ask him, your eyes fixed on the screen as you search for your movie. "It's cold, and you have to have some outfits just in case. What if you got an outing that needs something formal?"

He nods. "I have a list on my phone of what I want to take, some cargos, a bumper jacket, the suits are being taken by Dolce."

He pulls a luggage, opening it on the bed so you can help him pick the clothes and help him with organizing.

It was a fun time. You ate while organizing and feeding him most of his food to help him some more.

"Oye." He calls your attention. "I want to speak with you about something."

You nod, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. He was standing in front of you. "Tell me."

He takes a deep breath. He needs to be prepared for a bad answer in case you don't feel comfortable with the invitation.

"I want you to know that no matter what, you can say no, and I'll be okay with that." He began saying. "I want you to come with me to the ceremony." He says.

He takes a few more breaths. Trying to prepare himself for the question. "I want you to come with me and my family. I want you all there. My mom, my dad, Fer, and you." He grabs your hands. "The thing here is, I know our relationship is not established as in right now, but I want to know if you would like to come with me as my girlfriend."

You smile. Thumbs caressing his hands.

You need to talk with him before compromising yourself again.

Yes, he did progress. Yes, he did change. Yes, he was better.

But you can't swipe things under the rug. You can't be one of those who start over without making peace with the past.

"Can you sit down with me?"

He nods, taking a seat next to you. He thinks you're saying no, preparing himself for that.

"I want to talk to you." You began. "Before answering your questions, I need you to compromise with me on something."

He nods, already agreeing with whatever you want to say.

"I need you to compromise and tell me if you ever feel like what we have is bothering you. If what we do is making you question our relationship. I want you to be honest with me. To trust me and to be straightforward with how you feel and how I make you feel."

He's surprised, he thought he was getting bad news but no.

"If we are doing this again, Pepi, talk to me." You giggle. "I want your honesty, I want your opinions, I want the long run with you. But I need a compromise." You grab his hands. "I'm not getting younger, I want a family, I want someone to come home to after a long day, after a sad day or just after work. Someone to spend my weekends with watching something or reading a book. And if you can't do that or simply just don't want to. It's okay." You smile at him. "Just be honest."

He frees his hands, grabbing your cheeks and kissing you. "I promise you that I will be the most honest person you'll ever know." He smiles. "I promise that you never were a bother and never will. I want the same as you, I want everything."

You hug him tightly. Sitting on his lap as his hands roam up and down your back.

It felt right. It felt necessary.

You finally got your past to be friends with your present.

"Now about what I asked, if you could answer." He says, giggling a little.

"Yes, to everything." You kiss his lips.

"Also about the gift?" He asks, curious.

"Yeah, you'll wait more than just a few minutes." You say, caressing his cheeks. "But I'll be worthy."

✨️✨️✨️

"Do I look fat in this tuxedo?" Fer asks.

Everyone in the room takes a look at him, questioning if it was the nerves of the situation or if he was serious.

"No." His father says, he wanted to laugh but kept it.

They continue helping with getting ready, leaving soon after everything seems under control.

Pedri and you were alone, finishing with your clothes and looks for the gala. You reassure him that his tux and hair looked good.

"Amor, everything will go the way it is supposed to go." You kiss him quickly. "Trust yourself."

He nods, hugging you to calm his nerves. He can't deny that he's not feeling as confident as he says in the news or interviews.

A knock on the door makes you separate. "Pedri, ready?" His manager asks.

He nods, taking a last look of himself in the mirror. When he's about to leave, your eyes caught the glare of the little box in the nightstand.

"Wait, your gift." You say, walking to the furniture and grabbing the box to take it to him. "Open it before we leave."

You were excited for him to see what's inside. You kept it a surprise until today, knowing he would be less nervous like this.

"How?" He asks, taking the tux bow out of the box. He recognized the piece. "I thought I lost it."

You smile. The bow has a meaning for him. He bought it before leaving to play for Las Palmas. He spent a good part of his savings on it.

"You told me, before leaving the island, that this was the bow you were going to wear when you got your first ballon d'or." You help him with taking the bow he has on and putting the new one in place. "And tonight, this is happening."

He feels his eyes getting teary. He can't help but think about his little self buying the bow at the local shop.

He knew back then that no matter what, he was going to work hard to get into that nominations and into the podium.

And he did.

"Te amo." He kiss you quickly. "Ahora vamos por ese jodido balón." He laughs, making you laugh. (I love you. Now let's go get that damn ballon)

pedri

Liked by pablogavi, fcbarcelona and 3

8,566,730 others

pedri De las mejores noches de mi vida ❤️

Thank you Culers for all the love and support. Without you, this wouldn't be happening. This is not only mine but yours too ❤️

View all 2,465,739 comments

fcbarcelona Our winner 🏆❤️💙

ferrantorres grande hermano ❤️8️⃣🐐

leomessi felicidades Pedri 🐐 bienvenido al club de campeones 💪🏻

🏷: @gadriezmannsgirl @mbappe-pedri @coco6514 @coco657 @gavisfanta @jajajhaahaha @urmotheris @dessxoxsworld @girlidekanymore @lanussysworld @largavidaalsol

#football #football fanfic #pedri #pedri gonzalez #pedri x reader #football angst #football x you #football drabble #pedri x y/n #pedri gonzalez imagine #pedri imagine #pedri gif #pedri angst #pedri smut #pedri x you #football smut

565 notes · View notes

chrisisvbun · 3 months ago

Note

Okay, now I need more Logan and Bunny!Girl 😩

a/n: ur wish is my command.

guilty as sin. logan howlett x bunny!femreader. part OO2.

a/n 2: btw I'm trying this new cute little layouts tell me if you like them:) i've been really inactive bcs of work shit and been really sick too, but im writing i swear

synopsis: After peace came to the mansion after your arrival, you did not have another encounter with Logan, so spending time with Ororo became a regular thing for you, although Logan doesn't seem to like it.

cw: PTSD related to prostitution and sex, depression, harrasment. a bit of ooc logan, mentions of sex.

words: 2.7k

first.

You liked Logan.

Well, ‘like” is a pretty vague word, but that’s the one that fits better. You liked him. He was handsome, he was fun, he was sweet with you and you were comfortable around him. You liked that teasing game that you used to have with him, mostly he was bothering you until you slapped his shoulder while he laughed.

So, why wouldn’t you date him? He was clearly into you too

Oh, such a silly answer. You got shy.

Because of your nature you are almost forced to be shy, but you weren’t that shy, you were pretty extroverted when you had to, you didn’t really mind talking to people, and you were a teacher, so you had to be slightly extrovert to have that job.

But after that night in the kitchen, when Logan’s hands hugged your skin while taking you in the sweetest way, you couldn’t look him in the eye without getting red all over and shaking like a scared bunny before running away. Logan frowned everytime you would run away from him, but that didn’t stop him from looking at you when you gave classes and just roamed around you for the following months.

He was obsessed with you. He could watch you for ages, watch that white, curly, pretty hair of yours, how it fell through your back till your lower back, how your shirt was lifted by your puffy tail and how your ears bounced whenever you got surprised or scared. You were so pretty, so cute, and so perfect to corrupt.

He was a bad man, but for you, he would turn into a gentleman.

But you were avoiding him, but you weren’t alone, of course. You had Ororo, who was slowly turning into your best friend. Really slowly. After being abandoned by the one you thought was your best friend, it was hard to trust again. But Ororo was patient, kind, and really funny, hanging out with her had always left you tearing up and grabbing your belly because you would laugh so hard.

You liked spending time with her, but sometimes the activities she would like doing triggered you in some way.

The therapist said that it was normal that many memories are blocked to protect yourself, but that they could be expressed and manifested in certain ways. It wasn't a lie. The trauma was clearly very heavy, enough for you to forget most of the events. There were days where you didn't want to leave your room, the pain in your chest wouldn't let you move from the bed, and as soon as you tried, you would collapse on the floor next to the bed in desperate tears.

Ororo had insisted on having sleepovers together, but you refused. There was something about it that took you back to a deep, dark place, a room where the only thing you can hear are the echoes of suffering women, yours mixing with those of others. Sometimes, checking to make sure you were okay, Scott and Ororo would look into your room and see you curled up in a ball in the upper corner of the bed, uncomfortable, as if you needed it. A part of you didn't want to get better, it was easier not to know, to live in unconsciousness, but you knew that it was not healthy, that that life was not healthy.

That’s why you started to go clubbing with her, you had already gone two times, this one being the third one. Ororo was sitting next to you, applying a pale pink blush in your pale cheeks before putting some gloss in your lips.

“You are done, girl.” She stood up and passed you your gloss.

“Thank you, love.” You smiled warmly. You grabbed your bag and began walking downstairs with her. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, let me call a cab.” Ororo grabbed her while speaking.

A little creek in the kitchen made you raise one of your ears.

“It’s me, bun, don’t worry.”

Fuck.

Out of all the people in the mansion. He had to show.

“Going out?” He crossed his big arms and leaned in the doorframe.

“Yeah! I’m taking her to a club that I know she’ll love.” Ororo smiled.

“ ‘Kay, I’ll drive you.” He said, patting his jeans to find his keys.

“It’s not necess-”

“God! Thank you, cab cost an arm and a leg.” Ororo huffed a laugh as you sighed.

You were glad that the blush in your cheeks was dissimulated by your makeup.

You were sitting in the passenger seat, pretending to be on your phone as Ororo grabbed a coat she had forgotten upstairs. You wanted to kill her, she left you alone with him, gosh, wasn’t it obvious how nervous did you get around him? Maybe not, and she just enjoyed seeing you like that. Yeah, that was your best friend. And worse, he was smoking. Looking so hot and nonchalant.

Logan coughed a bit before looking at you, up and down, and huffed.

“What?” You dared to say, without looking at him.

He shook his head. “Nothin’, bub.”

“No, go ahead.” You left your mobile aside and crossed your arms.

Logan looked down to your chest covered in your black sleeveless corset and smiled.

“You look gorgeous, bunny.” He said, looking at the window and taking a puff from his cigar.

You closed your eyes shut, almost your whole body getting blushed at the compliment. Not pretty, not cute, not good. Gorgeous. He said that word.

“Thanks.” You mumbled shyly, your breath started to get a little worked up. He noticed, of course, and the sight made him smirk.

“I’m back!” Ororo got back in the backseat, and you exhaled like you had been holding your breath for years.

The ride was quiet to you, your mind was peacefully roaming around the lights on the road, even having Logan next to you. That until his hand went to rest on your bare thigh. God, he had to ruin your peace, of course.

His fingers moved to the inner part of your thigh, his palm resting on the front of it. His fingertips massaged your flesh gently, like he knew what he was doing, like he knew how wet you would get with that.

You finally got to the club, some loud music was muffled by the closed doors. You grabbed your jacket and your purse to get out of that freaking car, you could almost scent your own arousal by that moment.

“Wanna join us, Logan?” Ororo suggested.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Guess someone has to take care of you two.” He sighed and got out of the car.

Ororo slapped your shoulder a bit when Logan was away. “You'll thank me later.” and she left too.

You sighed and began to get out of the car too, starting to regret all of that.

“Gonna stick in the bar, you guys have fun.” He said, quickly getting in to go where he said.

“Well, I guess I won't have to thank you for anything.” You said, almost glad that he had left.

You started to get slightly happier and expectant for that night, you could have fun, you wouldn't get too drunk and maybe, if the music wasn't so good for dancing, you could seat and enjoy it. Yeah, a good night.

(...)

Everything you thought that wouldn't happen, happened. You were some long hours into the party, and music was great, surprisingly great. Not some weird music that teens just used as background sound to get drunk and high. Shakira, Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Madonna and Christina Aguilera were sounding all the time, and you couldn't feel happier. That until “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé started, you almost freaked out, and started screaming the lyrics with Ororo.

It was relevant that you were… drunk. Not in the clouds, just drunk enough to feel funny and energized to dance.

“All the single ladies, now put your hands up.” You sang with Ororo while lifting your hands.

Logan, as a totally mature man, he huffed. Single? Huh, if it were up to him, you'd be tied to the bed right now, and not in those shorts that hugged your butt beautifully and in a thin green tank top with thin sleeves. Between both garments he could see the edge of your baby blue underwear and that beautiful, round, adorable bunny tail.

God, you were beautiful, and he was disgusting, he couldn't take his eyes out of your ass and your tail and how you moved your hips smoothly in circles, almost provoking him. On those ‘whoa-oh-oh’ you would move your hips up to the left, up to the right, making your tail bounce.

Was this the karma of provoking you back in the car? Because it was working perfectly, he was hard as a rock.

‘Cause if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.’

Oh, he was. If he saw one more man looking at you again, he was putting a fucking ring on your finger if that would make you stay at home with him.

In the blink of an eye, a man appeared behind you, you heard quietness when his disgusting fingers grabbed your buttcheek like he had the right too. The muscular memory to pull against it like you were taught to almost won, it didn't because you saw Ororo’s look in her eyes, a look of displeasure and anger.

Your body tensed at the realization of the situation, and that happening in a matter of seconds, your nails went to sink on his shoulder, only Logan's hand stopping you.

“We are going home.” He said, firmly grabbing your wrist.

You were in the passenger seat now. And you didn't really know how you got there, you supposed Logan had to push you there because you couldn't move, the ghost feeling of that stranger touch, that at the same time felt so familiar.

You were quiet, Ororo and Logan too, but their thoughts were louder than yours, you could almost hear what they were thinking.

Once he pulled over at the mansion, you slowly climbed off the car, putting on your jacket as you walked in. Logan frowns, worried, Ororo had just a concerned look on her eyes as they both follow you in.

You felt almost dizzy, desperate to reach your room, to go and shower, clean yourself up from the touch, from the nonconsensual hands that touched you recently and in the past. The feeling of a dirty touch in your clothes made you want to rip them away. You used to do that since your fur was warm enough for you, but now the feeling seems to have pierced your jeans and burned your clothes.

You couldn’t hear Logan’s voice calling you, you just went upstairs and locked in your bedroom.

Logan sighed and looked down at Ororo when she spoke. “She just needs to rest, to think.” She began. “I’ve never seen you this worried.”

Logan shrugged. “Don’t know what’s she doin’ to me.” He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Whatever this shit is that i’m fucking feeling, feels like shit.”

“I know what it is.” She gave him a knowing grin. “And you know it too.”

Logan raised an eyebrow, confused, before opening his eyes widely in surprise. “What? I’m not in love with her, Ororo.”

She just chuckled and began heading to her room. “I’ve never said that.”

Fuck. He was one hundred and eighty years old and he fell for the same old trick. He was turning into a silly teen because of a goddamn bunny.

But god, he knew you weren’t just that, you were the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen in his life, he was the one that got all drunk with you, all bunny-drunk.

He spent the night thinking about you, how were you, how did you feel, could he help you out on something, did you need anything, did you need him? Maybe he was acting like a teen but he couldn’t help it, he was so worried, his heart beated hard in his chest at the thought of you in the state in which he saw you when you came back. When dawn came, he got up like he had nine hours of sleep, when he had just had three, and walked through the mansion, hoping to take a glance at you, but nothing. You weren’t around, Ororo said that you were probably not even awake yet: you could sleep for half a day when one of your episodes hit.

Suddenly, you appeared. You had your curly white hair pinned up, your bunny ears held there too, your face gray of tiredness, wearing some wide black sweat pants and a black hoodie on top. His face lit up when his eyes met your tired figure, while slowly worrying about your state. He didn’t know what to say to you, he couldn’t do the usual ‘good morning’ because it was nearly lunchtime and it was clearly not a good morning.

“Made coffee for you.” He said as taking a sip of his beer, you looked at him with slight surprise. “It’s right there on the machine.”

You smiled gently but tired. “Thanks.”

You sat in front of him with your coffee, putting your feet in the wood base of the chair while quietly drinking as he read the newspaper. Something about the domesticity of the situation made you feel a lot better, his presence being like a bandage to your suffering. You looked up at him and gently smiled.

“You can go to rest more if you want, I’ll wake you up when lunch is ready.” He said, lifting his eyes from the paper.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore.” You said lower than usual. “Although I’ll love to take a nap on the couch.” You said, standing up and stretching.

Once you were on the couch, comfortably resting your head on the edge of the headboard, it didn't take long for Logan to go and sit besides you. He hovered his hands over your body until you gave him a gentle nod, telling him he could touch you. He moved your body so you were on your side, resting your head in the pillow, and he moved behind you to hug your waist in his hands, pulling you closer until you felt his warmth pressed against your back. He sank his nose in your neck, exhaling in relief when he finally got to have you in his arms, his hands caressed your soft fur up and down to get you relaxed.

"Wanna talk about it a bit?" He asked in such a comfortable, warm voice, you couldn't tell him no.

"I almost leaned in." You said. "It was like muscular memory, i got so... normal about harrassment, so used to it that... I almost leaned in."

Logan heard you, that's what you loved about him. He listened, all the time.

"I feel bad about it." You said, caressing his hands.

"Why is that?" He asked while gently pressing your flesh.

"I like the touch, the contact, the sex, the provocation." You said, your fingers started to play with his. "But not from anyone. If I would had the chance to choose, I would've wanted you to touch me."

Logan smiled in your neck and pressed his lips there, leaving a small trail of kisses. Nothing sexual, just loving kisses.

"I am touching you now." He started talkin in your neck. "You like my touch?"

You nodded. "When it's from you, I like it." He gave you a playful bite in your shoulder which made you giggle.

"Listen, bunny, this world is a shit. You went through hell, and of course that type of touch will make you go through it again. I don't want that pain in you, but I know I can't remove it." He gently flipped you around, accommodating a strand of your white hair out of your face. "I just want to be with you when you need me, to hold you, bun. I know that damn therapist told you that you can have your time alone when you need it, but..." He looked at your ruby eyes, his eyes softened and holding your cheek like you were porcelain. He longed for you, you could see that in his eyes: it wans't something casual to him. "...Whenever you need me, I'll make a fucking whole in the goddamn universe to go find yo-"

"I'm in love with you." You said like it was trapped in your throat. "I'm in love with you, Logan."

#logan x reader #james logan howlett x reader #hugh jackman wolverine #logan howlett #wolverine fanart #x men wolverine #wade winston wilson #poolverine #chris writes

62 notes · View notes

covetyou · 7 months ago

Text

fools just wanna have fun

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Dieter Bravo x fat contortionist f!reader rating: Mature (18+ only!) warnings: no smut, Dieter's cock and balls, arguing as foreplay, references to past and hoped for sexual encounters (fingering, squirting, oral), clown!Dieter is a menace (but not explicitly clowny at all in this, for those with coulrophobia), drug use, reader is referred to as Sparkles and has a briefly mentioned latex allergy. word count: 1k summary: A quiet night is all he wanted. It's what he deserved after sweating his balls off out there in the ring all night. But, you have different plans - plans, he's certain, involve riding him until the sun comes up.

A/N: this is a follow on to for one night only (Frankie x Reader), but can be read totally independently of that fic. if you'd like more of this pairing, check out jester little bit more.

follow @covetedfics and turn notifications on for updates on future work

when the workin' day is done, oh fools, they wanna have fun, oh fools just wanna have fun...

Bravo the Clown's balls were sweating. They had been all fucking day. It's simply what you get when you're in the asshole of Florida dressed head to toe in colored polyester.

But he was free now. Free for the night, free from another fucking show and, most importantly, his balls were free.

He'd just pulled them out actually, yanking his waistband below them, letting them bunch up under his flaccid cock as he rolled another joint. The one he had just before the last show didn't quite hit the spot, but this one was sure to do the job. Especially now that his balls were finally cooling down.

Not that the peace and quiet lasts too long. It never does.

Before he can so much as find a lighter to light the joint resting between his lips, you slam your way into his trailer with a bang.

"What the fuck?!" He shouts, flinging the nearest thing to him - which just so happened to be his fucking lighter - at you as you stand there panting.

"Don't you dare light that," you say, pointing to him as you catch your breath. "Condoms. I need condoms."

This isn't the first time you've stormed in here, demanding sex of him wearing nothing much at all. It is the first time you seem to have ran here though. You're never usually this desperate for it, but he supposes there has been a lot of tension between the two of you lately. Not exactly sexual tension, more extreme general frustration directed at him rather than anything particularly mutual. Still, it was there, he'd sensed it, and now here you were, demanding a fuck from your favourite clown, already looking positively fucked out -

Wait.

"What the fuck," he says again, pointing right back at you. "I am not giving you my condoms. What about me?! I know that look, you're not leaving me high and dry, Sparkles."

You're practically snarling at him now, and fuck does he love you like this. Feisty. Definitely wet too, even if it's not because of him. Don't ask him how he knows, but there's something about the way your sweat smells that changes when you're get horny that never fails to make him hard.

"What about you? You are not cock blocking me again, Bravo."

Dieter scoffs. You always brought this up. It wasn't exactly his fault you were fucking a civilian out in the open like that. He was well within his rights to walk over and take one of the blankets you had under your head that day. They didn't belong to you, they didn't belong to anyone. They were communal. "That was one time, and he was a nerd anyway."

"A nerd with a massive dick and button mashing fingers. He was about to make me squirt and you came stumbling over. And you're forgetting the girl with the nipple piercings!"

With each angry flap of your arms, he can see your panties as your t-shirt rides up on your thighs. They look wet and fuck if he isn't jealous of whichever asshole is getting a turn between your legs tonight. It should be him, with his condoms. It's not fair.

"That doesn't count," he answers, crossing his arms over his bare chest with a pout.

"It does!"

"If there was no cock involved, I didn't cock block shit."

His dick is at full mast now, and he's surprised you haven't noticed. If you have, you haven't said anything, and usually you were very good about shouting at him when he had his dick out.

Instead, you just sigh. You give in. To him.

"I don't have time for this shit. The condoms, Dieter. Please."

And, quite frankly, it's no fun fighting with you if you're not going to fight back. That doesn't mean he's going to put his dick away, of course. There's no point. He's only going to play with it when you leave.

What he does do is point you to his condom stash kept in a tin under his trailer bench. He didn't exactly use them often. He didn't like them. But he did use them with you, or if he was taking a little knock at someone's backdoor, or even if someone looked a little less sanitary than he'd like. He did have standards.

He also could've got them out for you. But if he did that he wouldn't have been treated with the view of your ass he's currently getting. You always wear the tiniest little thongs for shows. They're the only things that won't show up around the edges of your glitzy costumes. It gets him going just thinking about them wedged up your ass as he watches you perform some nights - an activity that has made him late to his own performances more than once.

Right now, that tiny little thong is nestled right between your ass cheeks, your t-shirt hiding none of your modesty now that you're bending over in front of him. The gusset of your panties peeks out from between your plush thighs too, and it is absolutely fucking drenched. If he knew you'd be amenable to it, he'd be on his knees eating you from the back already, but he knew you. Only the lucky asshole waiting for you would be getting that privilege tonight.

"Gold packet," Bravo grumbles as you rifle through the tin, picking out a small handful of condoms like you plan on having a very eventful night.

"I know what ones are latex free, Bravo."

Because that is why you came here, to him, and not to anyone else. He's probably the only person in this whole place that carried the condoms you could use - the latex free ones that didn't smell like balloons.

You finally stand just as Dieter idly wraps a hand around his balls, giving them a gentle little squeeze, and with nothing more than a middle finger and the poke of your tongue, you go to leave his trailer.

"Oh, and Dieter?" you say, stopping in your tracks halfway out the door. "Max was looking for you."

"Shit."

His wank would have to wait.

tagging previous lovers of clown!Dieter: @beefrobeefcal @sp00kymulderr @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @clawdee @chronically-ghosted @dieterbravobrainrotclub @for-a-longlongtime

#dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo x you #dieter bravo x f!reader #dieter bravo smut #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter bravo #the bubble fanfiction #fic: carnal-val #coveted fics

92 notes · View notes

obbystars · 6 months ago

Text

⋆˙⟡ PINNED . . .

ALL DIVIDERS USED ARE BY @cafekitsune

Attempting to connect to MOON CHILD OBERON . . .

Success. Retrieving Information . . .

⟢ NAME: OBERON SOL

⟢ ALTERNATIVE DESIGNATIONS: OBBY / ORBY / ORB

⟢ PREFERABLE PRONOUNS: He / They

⟢ CONFIRMED AGE: 20 EARTH YEARS

INTERFERENCE FOUND . . .

CONNECTION DISRUPTED . . .

“Oh? Interested in my works, are we? Very well. Go and have a look.”

“Please note, I am currently not accepting requests.”

ROBLOX: PRESSURE

🌑 // THE MOON PROVIDES (NON-REQUESTS)

Z-13 [ SEBASTIAN SOLACE ]

⟢ DROWN IN THE DEEP

⟢ IT’S YOU!

⟢ WHEN LIGHT FADES

⟢ ENCOUNTER NIHILISM

⟢ WHEN MOTHER WAS HERE

⟢ SAFE HAVEN

🌑 // A GIFT BESTOWED UPON YOU (REQUESTS)

⟢ A special find brings peace

⟢ Aquarium date

⟢ General Headcanons

HONKAI STAR RAIL

🌑 // THE MOON PROVIDES (NON-REQUESTS)

BOOTHILL

⟢ PROMISE

⟢ SOMETHING STUPID

⟢ GENERAL HCS

🌑 // WRITTEN IN THE STARS (SERIES)

⟢ BLOOD N’ BONES (CANON X OC)

“All works have their notes, including what to expect and warnings. Do read them as it may save you some trouble.”

“If you’re interested in lore related details concerning me, I will provide those to you. I have no reason to be so secretive about who I am. My time at the Hadal Blacksite is…quite interesting.”

⟢ Z-222 Document

⟢ Arrival and containment breach

⟢ A Walk with Angels

“These are just written works that go well into detail. If you’re interested, considering checking the “listen to his story” tag. As of right now, there isn’t too much.”

“Hm, if those did strike an interest and you have an idea in mind… Please. Hold onto that thought, or perhaps there is someone else who may be able to get to your idea as I am unfortunately unable to do so at the moment. However, I believe I’ll have to set some rules.”

“Your request will be ignored and possibly deleted if…”

⟢ It contains topics such as rape, incest, pedophilia, and abuse. While I do love making things a bit dark, I do not touch those topics and WILL NEVER make something with those topics. Please note, yandere content will also count as abuse content.

⟢ I noticed you have made a VERY similar request to another user. Personally, I find this to be rude and disrespectful. It just doesn’t sit right with me.

⟢ I am NOT accepting any NSFW requests as I am not confident in writing that sort of content. It’s not that I am uncomfortable with it, I just cannot write it.

“Please note, I work better when the reader is gender neutral. It allows me to leave many aspects of the readers in my works up to you so you could properly insert yourself or an OC into it. If this is overlooked, your request won’t be deleted and will still be considered. I cannot do every request I receive, but I’ll do my best.”

“Now that that’s out of the way, how about some quick blog rules in general?”

⟢ DO NOT INTERACT IF: BASIC CRITERIA (racist, any sort of LGBT+phobe, proship), USE AI ART/CHARACTER AI

⟢ DO NOT try and purposely cause arguments. And do not try to bring up drama currently in any fandom whether I’m in it or not.

“I believe it is mandatory that I mention should the drama of Zerum be brought up, I will ignore you. I’ve already said what I wanted to say concerning the situation, and it is exhausting having to talk about it. If you persist, do know there will be no response from me and you are simply wasting your time.”

“You will be blocked should you show you fit into one of those categories.”

“Now, I must take my leave as the operators are probably scrambling in trying to reconnect their systems. As fun as it is to watch them struggle, I have much to do. I will see you on the other side.”

#oberon’s roblox sona lore?!#bit of space + angel vibes i tried putting there..#pinned post #masterlist #fanfic masterlist #sebastian solace x reader #boothill x reader #pressure oc #roblox pressure oc #roblox oc

53 notes · View notes

faynthearted · 1 month ago

Note

OMG I've been trying to find a fic about switched family background au for 84 years but couldn't find it anywhere 💔 i love the idea of poor weak HT and spoiled rich GS lol

i would love if u share with us a snippet of it or share the whole fic 🥲 I'm sure it's really good since it's your work

hope you're doing well

I'm happy to share what I have of this AU, even if it's not much! :)

(also I'm like 98% sure I already posted this snippet on my old blog a long time ago because a certain section of it feels super familiar to me -- so, just in case anyone has been around long enough to recognize it again, I'm posting a longer/extended version of it! enjoy!)

------

The city is damp with old rainwater as Guan Shan parks on the curb. When he steps out the car, the night is peaceful, but deceivingly so. Noise often gets lost in the city, especially here in the developing urban areas. Late-night construction sites and the nearby highway overpass do well to mask any other miscellaneous noises. It’s exactly the kind of place Guan Shan would expect to find who he’s looking for.

Hands trembling, Guan Shan double checks the image on Qiu’s phone before half-jogging to the store sign flickering at the end of the block. No one is on the streets at this time of night, and he begins to doubt himself as he nears the storefront and still sees nothing. Are they already gone? Is he too late?

But just as he’s about to stop to get his bearings, Guan Shan hears the echo of voices. Breathing heavy, he slows his pace as he approaches the source: a rundown tailor’s shop, its door and windows shuttered, its flickering LED sign the same as the one in the background of the text message’s image. They haven’t left.

Guan Shan steadies himself before pushing forward. They can’t possibly be inside the store so they must be behind it, hidden in the alleys, and he’s right. From around the corner, shadows formed by a streetlamp stretch into view. Guan Shan can see two figures though he knows there are likely more.

But he’s more concerned about the noise — or lack thereof. On the drive over, Guan Shan was expecting shouting, arguing, fighting. The image left no room for misunderstanding the situation at hand. But now, as he comes closer, Guan Shan can only hear chatter; casual and collected, completely undisturbed. He clenches his teeth and clears the final few meters.

The building prevents the streetlamp’s light from touching him, so the two nearest men don’t see him at first, their backs turned. But the third one, lounging against the wall with a dying cigarette between his fingers, does. He must be surprised by Guan Shan’s presence given that he doesn’t immediately react. The hesitation gives Guan Shan a few moments to evaluate exactly what he’s walked into: to determine what damage has been done and, more importantly, what portion of that damage can be reversed.

But it’s wishful thinking. Upon spotting the person on the ground crumpled into himself and the scattered drops of blood that look like oil in the darkness, Guan Shan gets a horrible, nauseous swelling in his stomach that is only deterred by the third man finally coming to his senses.

“Red?” he slurs. “What are you doing he—”

“What the fuck is going on?” Guan Shan demands. All eyes turn to him and, somehow, it makes him feel grounded, secure to the earth. He grits, furious, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

The two men nearest to him trade a look. Then one of them drops their smoke, crushing it underfoot as they start, “Look, bud, we—”

“That’s a student, you dipshit!” Guan Shan snaps, pointing to the figure on the ground who, for reasons Guan Shan wants to ignore for as long as humanely fucking possible, cannot look away from Guan Shan now that he’s here. “He’s still in his uniform for fuck’s sake! How the fuck do you justify assaulting a student?"

Recognizing the escalation of the situation, the third man speaks up. “Your father is aware— This kid has had it coming for a long time now, and the little shit knows it—”

Guan Shan storms forward, over the blood and the broken glass, getting in his face. He can smell alcohol heavy like cologne on him. “Look at me. Look at me. Does it look like I actually give a shit what your excuse is?” he growls.

The man doesn’t respond, scowling against Guan Shan’s trembling anger. There’s a moment of silence during which they don’t break eye contact, and then one of the other men behind them shifts in his stance, exhaling.

“You ought to remember who the fuck you’re talking to, Red," he says, low. "I don’t give a shit who your daddy is. Watch your fuckin’ mouth and show some respect.”

Guan Shan likes to think that the man realizes his mistake just as quickly as Guan Shan does. Suddenly, it’s silent. Suddenly, all of the quivering anger traveling through his body like a live wire is gone, replaced with something much colder but much, much sharper, like a blade freshly honed and wielded. The man in front of him stays still as Guan Shan turns to face the other, deliberate and calculative.

“Yeah?” he says. There’s a pause. His target looks away, jaw stiff as he lifts his cigarette to his lips to take a pull. It’s only then that Guan Shan sees the dark purple bruise staining the side of his face. It’s fresh; swollen. Painful.

Guan Shan glances at the student and finds him still staring at him.

Idiot, Guan Shan thinks, looking away. Don’t you know not to fight back when you’re bound to lose?

“Get the fuck out of here,” Guan Shan tells the rest of them. “Now. And don’t worry — I’ll be sure to tell Qiu just how much I fucking respect you."

It takes a moment, but then the three men look at each other and come to a decision. They leave without another word, the only sound being the scuff of their shoes on the pavement and, later, car doors slamming and engines revving in the distance. Guan Shan stares into the dark until they can’t be heard anymore, overridden by the construction sites and the overpass.

Then, it’s just the two of them.

Whatever bravado Guan Shan held only moments ago has been lost. Now, there’s a rapid thudding in his chest and throat that is borderline painful. He doesn’t know what to do when the student — no, He Tian, because they can’t quite pretend they haven’t seen each other before, can they? — pulls himself into a sitting position against the wall, smearing blood from his nose on the back of his hand and rubbing the edge of his purple, swollen jaw with stained fingers and a repressed wince.

Guan Shan doesn’t look at him and that seems to be perfectly fine with He Tian. They stay in silence for a while, only broken by the occasional sniff from He Tian in an attempt to clear the blood. Eventually, Guan Shan just closes his eyes. His head and heart are racing so fast he can’t understand any of his thoughts clearly. All he can understand is the panic, the dread, the complete and utter exhaustion of coming to terms with what lies ahead.

He was so close to graduation. So painstakingly fucking close.

“Hey.”

Guan Shan opens his eyes. He Tian gives him a two-fingered salute from the ground.

“What?” Guan Shan blurts despite himself, incredulous.

He Tian’s head tilts. His voice is dry and croaked. “What do you mean, ‘what’?”

“I mean,” Guan Shan hisses, stepping forward, “what the fuck happened? What are you doing here?”

He Tian shrugs — then winces as it brings an obvious pain with it. Recovering, he says, “I could ask you the same.”

Guan Shan’s mouth snaps shut and he swallows dryly. Eventually he says, “Are you asking?”

“Should I be?”

Guan Shan’s gaze trails over his visible injuries: a potentially broken nose, perhaps a fractured jaw, a definite black eye. His school jacket is torn at the sleeve and there are small patches of blood soaking through his white t-shirt. God knows what damage he can’t see. “No,” he answers.

He Tian nods and crystal-like shards of glass fall from his hair and into his lap. It could be beautiful. “Then let's leave it at that. Give me a hand?”

He reaches out his hand presumably as far as he can without tempting pain, but Guan Shan doesn’t take it. The absurdity of it all seems to finally be catching up with him. He wonders if He Tian feels the same — as if piecing together a puzzle with no reference picture on the box. But even if he does, that doesn’t make Guan Shan feel better. Four school transfers and two different cities since junior high have built callouses on his ability to empathize. He’s long learned that people will sooner cover their own asses before looking out for someone else — especially him.

And of course, this time it has to be He Tian. He Tian. Top of the class, teachers’ pet, social fucking butterfly with a tempting grin and a sadistic streak often mistaken for boys being boys on the basketball courts after school, but Guan Shan knows better. He’s seen it before. He’s just never had a reason — or the interest — to poke the bear. But then again, he never thought he’d find the bear bloody and broken at his feet like this.

Is this reason enough, now?

“Did you fight back?”

The words spill out before he can stop them. He Tian considers him for a long moment before retracting his hand. He looks at the dark coloration of his knuckles that Guan Shan is staring at.

“Yeah,” he answers eventually. “I wasn’t going down without a fight.”

“Idiot,” Guan Shan breathes, throat tight. “You could’ve gotten off with a warning if you’d just — complied.”

He Tian laughs, but it’s broken and rattled and sounds like it hurts. “Thanks for the insight, but no, I really wouldn’t have.”

It sounds like acceptance; like a confession. It paralyzes Guan Shan. Looking down at He Tian’s bruised state is like watching venom take hold of prey’s body. Guan Shan just can’t be sure if it’s his prey or someone else’s.

He doesn’t know what to say so he chooses to say nothing. Instead he sinks to a knee, worrying his lip as he takes a closer look at He Tian’s injuries. Most are open wounds; they’re not life-threatening but are prone to infection if not treated soon. He’ll need some ice on that cheek and swollen wrist, and based on the awkward angle that he’s seated in, Guan Shan suspects bruised or fractured ribs. Remembering he forgot his wallet in his rush out of house, Guan Shan curses under his breath and considers the cash in the armrest of his mom’s car that he can use at the 24-hour convenience store a few blocks down to get gauze and disinfectant and—

“You don’t need to take care of me.”

Guan Shan’s anger returns, prickly. “I can’t just fucking leave you here like this, either.”

A huff. “That’s cute, but you—” He Tian winces. Breathes in, shakily. “You actually can.”

“I know you.”

“Do you?”

He Tian smiles sickly sweet and Guan Shan sees blood in his teeth. The nearest hospital, it should only be a few minutes drive—

“What the hell are you doing?” Guan Shan says as, suddenly, He Tian begins to pull himself to his feet. Every movement makes him shudder but he pushes through it, relying heavily on the wall. “What’re you doing? Stop, you idiot!”

“I’m leaving,” says He Tian, voice tight with pain and something else. “Thanks for coming to my rescue. Red, right?”

“I’m being fucking serious,” Guan Shan tells him sharply, hands hovering close but not knowing where or if he’s allowed to touch. “Stop moving. You’re gonna make it worse, and then what, genius?”

He Tian does stop then, but only momentarily. He fixes Guan Shan with a look that’s nothing short of a warning. Even hunched, he’s still an inch or two taller and Guan Shan gets the notion that He Tian still has some fight left in him. He has a sense of dignity but only as much as a wounded animal backed into a corner, teeth bared and pupils blown wide.

“I’m surprised,” He Tian breathes, “that you’re being so damn adamant right now. You hardly speak to anyone at school.”

‘How would you know?’ Guan Shan wants to shoot back at him, but sometimes a wounded animal can be more dangerous than a healthy one. This situation is a fight Guan Shan doesn’t think he should pick. Still:

“And your fucking fangirls will flip their shit if you show up on Monday looking like that,” Guan Shan snaps. “For a prospective valedictorian, you sure have a thick fucking skull.”

He Tian can’t seem to help laughing at that, the crusted blood at the corners of his mouth cracking. Even beaten, he acts like he’s done the beating. A forgotten, first-year rumor about a dispute involving him and She Li crosses Guan Shan’s mind, but he’d never had enough interest to verify it. It was much easier to take the information at face value and reduce them to just that: entertainment, however fleeting.

Eventually, though, He Tian’s laughter fades out. Guan Shan is too distracted by a fresh drop of blood falling off the edge of his nose to notice He Tian taking a step forward to leave — as if they’re done here. But Guan Shan quickly comes back to himself, sidestepping against the brick wall to block his path of escape.

He Tian’s gaze slides over to him slowly, a small fire lit in his eyes. His profile bleeds into the night’s darkness like it belongs there.

“You’re fucking serious right now?” he asks lowly.

“I’m fucking serious. Sit down. Now.”

He Tian shakes his head and scoffs, disbelieving. But against all odds, he turns and sinks back down the wall, hair mussing against the brickwork as he grunts with the effort. Something deflates inside Guan Shan and he follows him back to the ground, kneeling.

He Tian takes a moment to collect himself, a thin sheen of sweat on his skin while he rests the crown of his head against the wall, eyes closed. While he waits, Guan Shan says, “You need a hospital, but is there anyone you should, like, call? Where’s your phone?”

“They took it. Smashed it, actually, and then threw it onto the tracks. So.”

Guan Shan scowls. “I’ll buy you a new one.”

He Tian’s eyes open. “What?”

“I said I’ll buy you a new one. And are you talking about the train tracks? Like, the metro?”

He Tian blinks once, twice, then nods. “Yeah, the metro. The station around the corner.”

Guan Shan considers the many things he could say right now. “But why did they—”

“Thought we agreed we wouldn’t be asking questions, Red.”

There’s a danger there but Guan Shan can’t help himself, snapping, “Don’t call me that.”

This seems to intrigue He Tian. “I suppose I can’t ask why?” he ventures, snarky.

“No,” Guan Shan bites back, “you can’t.”

He Tian watches as Guan Shan slips out his own phone, pulling up Qiu’s business number since his personal phone is currently in Guan Shan’s possession. The line only rings twice before it’s answered.

“Qiu? Yeah, I need— Fuck, I know it’s late, okay? But I need you to come pick me up. Yes, right now. I don’t really have an address so I’ll send you my location; I’m like ten minutes from the house. And bring first aid, whatever you have. It’s—”

Guan Shan looks at He Tian. He’s quietly watching, wearing a ghost of a smile that he doesn’t bother to hide. Guan Shan looks away, suddenly finding all of this to be very comical because whatever they’ve gotten themselves into, neither of them know how to handle it. That much is crystal fucking clear.

Guan Shan exhales. “It’s urgent.”

#19 days #tianshan #my writing #mailbox #okay the writing isn't horrible but it isn't great either. I edited a few things just to make me cringe less #also if you have questions about what's happening -- me as well lmaoo. I can't quite remember what the plan was...#but an assertive/confident/demanding guan shan? sign me the fuck up

25 notes · View notes

twig-tea · 1 year ago

Text

Communication styles, mirroring, and new relationship growing pains in Cooking Crush

In Cooking Crush ep7 we get a lot of really cute moments and really wonderful plot arcs that fly in the face of BL tropes (Nobly ghosting your crush because you think their life is better without you? Breaking up rather than simply agreeing to take time apart to focus or be in different places? Not clarifying your feelings? Making assumptions about your partner's physical comfort levels? Ten said not today, Satan!).

And! We also got a lot of more subtle goodness that I want to take a second to highlight around the feeling out of their relationship that happens between Ten and Prem in this episode. They each try out ways of showing affection, and of communicating, and it sometimes lands and sometimes doesn't, and they also take turns trying out one another's methods on each other! They slowly start to use more of each other's styles, and they get better and better at understanding one another as a result. I'm mildly obsessed, so let's break it down.

First, after Ten blocks Prem from leaving (communicating that he needs an explanation--first with his actions and then with words), we get Prem trying out the cute nuzzle-y apology in the grocery store, and then going in for a peck kiss (and Ten meeting him immediately and then getting flustered, loved this!). This was such a good moment because Prem uses the kiss in place of words, to indicate his feelings (he says "do you know now? you're not the only one" but doesn't specify he's talking about his feelings). This theme comes back in the episode later.

[gif by @gunsatthaphan; full set here]

At the cafe, Ten lies about having eaten and then not having eaten to appease Prem, and Prem immediately noticing and pinching him about it--this white lie for Prem's peace of mind clearly did not land well.

And then Ten tries to make up with him by mirroring the way Prem did to him in the grocery store (the cute nuzzling). And this seems to land better; Prem eventually gets flustered but tells him it was cute. And then Ten goes to get Prem food, because feeding one another is already an established-effective form of communication for them. Ten comes back and makes a really cheesy pun about sweet food/soulmates and it does not land and he sits a bit ashamedly back down.

[Ignore the two caption formatting styles, that was me being too lazy to go back to WeTV but wanting more screenshots so getting them from YouTube.]

He tries physical touch again instead, by reaching out with his foot. And again, it doesn't land, Prem confusedly asks him what he's doing. And then Prem accidentally (?) reciprocates--awkwardly because he doesn't really get it. And so Ten explains that this was supposed to be a signal that they should kiss some more. He decides to use words, and this works! Prem nods and goes with him to make out against some very unstable bookshelves lol

Ten asks Prem if he wants to continue--using words because that's what has worked best so far--and Prem gives him the green light nod again.

And so they try again, and again get interrupted, and Ten gives up. But this time Prem uses Ten's method--words--to ask if he wants to continue, and Ten gives him the green-light nod back! Again, they continue to mirror one another's styles of communication when they see it works.

[Both this and the previous gif above done by @tenprems, with full gifset of this exchange and the mirrored nods available here]

This next tiny moment was cut from the YouTube version, but in the car, Prem gives Ten another one of the now-established-as-effective green light nods before jumping into his lap lol Loved these continuous check-ins and establishing of mutual interest!

Back in the cafe after giving up on making out--and how much do I love the frustration about not just being able to kiss all the time, and not having a good place to go because they both live with their families, this was so relatable--Ten says his feelings outright (this is the Ten way) and tries cuddling in again, because Prem said he thought it was cute before, and Prem responds positively by verbally saying he feels the same, which gets Ten to pop back up in excitement because this is the first time Prem has said aloud he has feelings!

I love this moment that follows because it establishes just how differently the two of them think about communication. Ten, until now, was unsure about Prem's feelings because Prem never said them aloud. Now that he has, Ten takes that as a signal to ask if they can move to the talking/hitting-on stage. Prem looks at him like he's ridiculous, because they just made out in three separate locations lol and points out that obviously they're already past that stage. To Prem, his actions should have been clear enough to communicate enough of his feelings to Ten. Again, like in the grocery store, Prem thinks actions are explicit and clear, while Ten finds them ambiguous and wants clear and explicit words. And as they continue testing and mirroring communication methods on these dates, Prem starts to use more words and Ten uses more actions, and they understand one another better.

[gif by @gunsatthaphan full set here]

Later in the episode, Prem brings Ten food, because as mentioned this is an established as effective communication method for them. He overhears the fight with Ten and his father, and leaves, because that conversation underscored his worst fears about his relationship with Ten--that he'd make Ten's life worse by being in it. Prem defaults back to his usual methods of communication--avoidance and action--and Ten holds him back and uses his words to describe his feelings. And Prem goes back to meeting him halfway and responds with words! He explains exactly how he feels to Ten.

And in response, Ten goes for action to comfort Prem--he knows this speaks to Prem more by this point.

And then he goes back to words and explains his plan to Prem to stay apart for now so that they can be together in future. Later, Prem runs into Ten at the cafe, and goes to touch him--again, action being his primary language of communication. He goes to leave and Ten asks him to stay, and explains with words that he'll be out of town for the mid-semester break. He asks Prem for a lunchbox for the trip--again, asking for their tried-and-true food in order to get reassurance of Prem's feelings for while they're apart. And Prem, in response, uses his words to confirm that he knows he's in Ten's heart. He then asks Ten for physical affection in return ("recharge my battery").

I love this moment in particular because it does three things:

Establishes that Prem is more interested in Ten's love than his money

Combines their communication styles by both being physical and verbal since Prem explained verbally that this hug was important to him

Confirms in Prem's style (non-verbal communication) that he's still open to physical affection even given their slightly ambiguous status.

And Ten immediately acknolwedges receipt of this message by kissing Prem--again using Prem's preferred communication method and mirroring his actions in the grocery store at the start of the episode--and then following it up with a verbal explanation (because he's Ten).

In the final scene of the episode, Prem brings Ten the food as promised, but explains he also included a written note with the food (more explicit communication!). And Ten responds to that by offering a hug. Every time one of them tries to meet the other halfway, the other does too, and it gives me LIFE.

Prem pulls away, and Ten checks in verbally, but Prem doesn't run off like usual. He stays to explain, because he's learned now that Ten needs that verbal reassurance around what's going on with him. And Ten responds physically, by wiping away Prem's tears.

He then tries this cheesy thing with the glasses as a metaphor, and it does not land, Prem is too practical.

[gif by @gunsatthaphan, full set here]

But he does make another metaphor about seeing only him--again, meeting Ten halfway. And then he tries to make a joke about how he, Prem, would flirt around while Ten is away, and again it does not land lol. He immediately backtracks and instead makes a cheesy pun, mirroring the one that Ten made in the cafe that did not land at all for Prem, and for Ten it clearly lands, he looks quietly really charmed by this. I loved this so much, there's something extra sweet about someone who hates puns making a pun for you because they know you love them.

And then Prem says explicitly and clearly in words, "I promise I will wait for you".

Ten starts his journey and opens the lunchbox, and reads the note from Prem. Unlike the previous (often partially failed) attempts that Prem has made to communicate his feelings through food without explaining what he was trying to say (I'm thinking of when he made that lunchbox full of things that turned out to be food Ten doesn't like, or when he made all of Ten's favourite foods and brought it to school pretending it was leftovers but the fact that Ten had read Prem's deleted text message made Ten understand that it was actually for him), this time Prem has explained with words exactly what he was trying to express with his choice in food.

These forays into feeling out one another's communication styles, styles of humour, finding one another's hard lines (don't lie to make me feel better; don't joke about cheating on me) and just getting a sense of what works and what the other needs, this is bread and butter early relationship stuff, and the show is quietly depicting it so well. I had such a great time watching Ten and Prem not just fall in love, but learn how to effectively be in a relationship with each other this episode!

Huge thanks to the giffers @gunsatthaphan and @tenprems being fast enough to make gifs that I could include in this meta! If anyone gifs any of these other scenes I described, especially the battery recharge and Ten popping up excitedly hearing Prem use his words, please tag me!~

#cooking crush the series #cooking crush #bl meta #typed so that i could stop thinking it

114 notes · View notes

linos-luna · 1 year ago

Text

New Family (Pt. 2) 🥀

Bang Chan x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mention of trauma, crying, depression, anxiety

(Pt. 1) — (Pt. 2)

——————————— 🥀 ———————————

Chan was over almost everyday. If he wasn’t at your home, you’d be at his. He treated you like a princess and wanted you to feel safe as possible.

It’s been awhile since you’ve spoken to your mom. You didn’t even think about it. Little did you know, Chan actually blocked your mom and others he deemed toxic in your family. He doesn’t like seeing you get verbally abused by them.

But that didn’t stop you having some troubling times…

It was 4am and you found yourself moving more than usual while Chan slept peacefully next to you.

“No… no…” you muttered now gripping the sheets. Your knuckles were white from your tight grip and you kicked a little

Chan started waking up when feeling you kick him under the sheets.

You whimpered while tears rolled down your cheeks and Chan took notice.

“Y/n?”

“Channie… Channie help…”

“Hey, I’m here, babygirl” he said while propping himself up on his elbow before you started crying louder.

“Channie! Channie help! Channie! Get him off! Off!” You were nearly screaming and voice full of panic as you tried feeling for him.

“Baby. It’s okay. I’m here.” He said calmly while trying to grab your hand.

You were still asleep and suddenly cuddled up into him, practically curling up into his chest.

“Channie… help-…” your breathing was calming down and chan put his arms around you for comfort.

“Shh… it’s okay… it’s okay…”

You eventually calmed down and fell into a peaceful sleep.

Your boyfriend held you tight. He hated seeing you like this but he had something planned for later. Hopefully it’ll cheer you up…

~~~

After a dinner with his parents, Chan took you for a walk in the park. It was a cool evening and Chan made sure that you were warm.

It was cliche and he knew it but he had a friend waiting with a camera and a perfect spot. He would check his pocket constantly as he lead you to the spot with lots of flowers around.

“Channie. You’re acting funny.” You said while looking around. “Why did you bring me all the way out here?”

“Y/n.” He paused while holding your hand. “Remember how I asked if you wanted a new family…? and that I’d make it happen.”

You nodded, getting a little anxious.

“Well. You know my family loves you. And I want to make it official.”

“What do you mean?”

Before you could say anything, your boyfriend got on one knee.

Your heart was pounding as you realized what was happening, especially when he pulled out a small box.

“Will you marry me?”

He opened the box to reveal a beautiful ring.

You broke out into tears while nodding and Chan smiled as he put the ring on your finger.

Instantly, you hugged him. Crying into his chest as he rubbed your back.

“I love you, babygirl.”

His friend came out of hiding, revealing that he was recording a video the whole time.

“Woo! Congratulations!” He cheered.

“Thank you, Han.” Chan smiled at his friend.

Han gave a thumbs up as you continued sobbing.

“I can’t wait for the wedding, babygirl.” He said while rubbing your hair.

You were so overwhelmed with emotions that it was hard to say anything. You couldn’t believe what was happening. Was this for real??

“We’re gonna move closer to my parents. I already have an apartment that I’m looking at”

You paused and looked up at him.

“I’ll love and take care of you forever.” He said softly while wiping your tears. “My family is yours and they love you just as much.”

“I can’t believe you would… I- I—…” you stuttered, unable to find the words.

“We’ll build a great life together. Work on our dreams…” he gave you a soft kiss on the lips before taking your hands in his.

“Channie—”

“You’ll never be alone.”

#kpop #kpop x reader #kpop imagines #fanfic #stray kids #skz x reader #stray kids x poc reader #stray kids bang chan #bang chan fanfic #bang chan x poc reader #bang chan angst #bang chan x reader #skz #skz angst #skz x poc reader #stray kids angst

156 notes · View notes

kittykat-25 · 1 year ago

Text

One Of The Guys - Part 4

Pairings: Hongjoong x F! Reader, Chan x F! Reader

Genre: idol au, Friends x Lovers, angst

Warnings: anxiety attacks, Feminine pet names(cupcake, bubs, love)

Summary: You tried really hard not to be a cliché, falling love with your best friend. How unoriginal. But when your best friend is Kim Hongjoong what are you supposed to do?

Now Playing: One Of The Guys- Jessia

One Week Later…

You woke up head pounding, cold sweats from the nightmare you had. As you sit up the feeling of a weight on your chest settles in and you know today is going to be rough. You rolled out of bed and started getting ready for work, hoping the heaviness would wash away. You grabbed your phone from the charger as you headed out the door and debating sending a quick text to Joong and Woo, cancelling tonight’s dinner plans; ultimately deciding against it. You didn’t want to alarm them if it wasn’t needed, knowing in the past how they’d drop whatever and come to you.

You looked down the time cursing yourself, sprinting down the steps, you didn’t feel your coffee spill; too focused on not missing your bus. As you burst out of the side door of the apartment complex you see your bus pull away from the stop and the lump in your throat forms. You pull yourself together and start walking and looking for taxis to get you to work on time. Determined to turn your day around. As you walked towards your office you looked down and noticed the coffee stain on your pants and shirt. You were already late and don’t have time to turn around and go change. You pulled your jacket out of your bag and used it to cover the wet stains in the front. Hoping your pants dried on the walk to the office.

Working as a marketer for skincare and beauty you would think the office would be a calm and relaxing place. Well not today. The shipment of samples was labeled wrong and had to go back to the warehouse. Which meant you had nothing to give out at the launch party this weekend. All of your coworkers made comments about your pants and you were pulled into your bosses office and yelled at for the sample malfunction and being late. You were holding together by a strand and could not wait until 5 to go home.

The universe wasn’t entirely cruel as Joong had to cancel dinner plans tonight to help Eden and Maddox with something. You were glad you didn’t have to bail, knowing how stressed they already were. They started the comeback next week and you probably wouldn’t see the guys for the next two months. The first few tours and comebacks without them being home was hard but the more you got used to the idol life and schedule the more you came to enjoy your time alone and found peace in it. You were living your life and they were living their dreams.

You felt your phone vibrate and looked down to a text from Chan, a smile creeped onto your face. One of the only things that had eased some of the heaviness today. “I know you said you weren’t feeling well today. So just know you’re doing a great job and I’m proud of you for going to work!” You felt the tears well up in your eyes, looking up you blocked them away, sending back a thank you text to Chan. You cleaned up your desk and gathered your things. You were almost to the elevator when your boss walked out of his office. “Miss Y/Ln, I need to see you.” You cooled your features and turned towards him, “of course sir.” You set your bag down and followed him to the meeting room. “The samples came back but all the labels need to be put on them. Since you were the one to mess up. You get to do them.” You looked at the piles of samples in front of you, there had to be hundreds of them. “Sir this will take hours.” He check his watch and walked to the door, “then I suggest you get started.” You pulled out the chair and took a deep breath, your hands shaking and eyes watering you grabbed the first sample and began.

Half past 11 you threw your bag in the floor and keys in the bowl as soon as you stepped into your apartment. You had held yourself together all day but the second you crossed into your home the damn broke and everything you had been feeling today came up. Crouched down, holding on to the counters your body shook as you sobbed. You reached for your phone, knowing he’d still be awake at this hour. As you scrolled for his contact, vision blurred by the tears you sank back into the floor. The phone rang and you tried to calm your breathing when he answered, y/n doll, I’m busy.” he started, you let out a muffed sob, “Joongie please.” He was quiet for a second, “are you hurt?” He asked, voice dry. “N-no I just…” Hongjoong cut you off, “y/n I’m sorry I just really don’t have time for this. Figure it out alright.” He said quickly then ended the call.

You pulled the phone away from your ear, hands shaking so hard it fell to the ground. You could hear the ringing in your ears. Everything in your apartment seems to shrink, feeling suffocated you half crawled into the open floor of your living room. Your phone started ringing and the sound blasting through your apartment making you jump. You swiped answering the call, a sob coming out before any words. “I’m on my way cupcake.” Mingi said before you could even explain. “Is the door unlocked love?” He asked, you heard a door close and the street life in the background. “I-I think so.” You whispered, voice hoarse from crying. You could hear Mingi running through the streets, your apartment only a block or two from their dorms. “I’m coming up cupcake.” Mingi said slightly out of breath. You mumbled something and ended the call. You curled back up in a ball, sobbing as you replayed the conversation with Hongjoong in your head.

You barely heard the front door open, jumping slightly when Mingi’s face appeared before you. Eyes laced with worry, you looked up at him and started sobbing harder. Mingi pulled you into him, running a soothing hand through your hair, letting you get all of it out. He reached behind himself to grab a blanket off the couch when you started shaking. “Y/N?” He asked quietly when your sobs have softened. You looked up at him with red eyes, puffy from all the tears. “I called Joong and- and he told me figure it out. Th-that he didn’t have time for this tonight.” You said hiccuping, more tears spilling down your cheeks. Mingi wiped your tears, “I’m so sorry cupcake.” You hugged the man tighter to you, “thank you for coming Mingi.” Mingi kissed the top of your head, “of course. Anything for our girl.” He pulled out his phone, sending a text to Wooyoung, updating him on the situation.

*At the dorms*

Wooyoung read Mingi’s text three times before he processed everything. Hands clenching an unclenching as he got off his bed and walked towards Hongjoong’s room. He saw the glow of light from under the door. He swung the the door open letting it slam against the wall. The captain with his head phones on didn’t even hear the commotion. Jongho on the other hand did and walked out of his room to investigate. Wooyoung slammed his hand on the desk, Joong looked up at him, “is it saved?” Woo asked through clenched teeth, motioning towards the laptop. Hongjoong clicked a few buttons,”yeah…” Wooyoung slammed the laptop shut. “What are you doing?” Hongjoong yelled, “WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT ABOUT YOU??” Wooyoung yelled, “what are you talking about about?” Hongjoong asked. “You are a horrible friend.” Wooyoung said, Hongjoong looked like his brother had slapped him.

Wooyoung was seething, everything from Mingis text on the forefront of this mind. Their girl, who they were supposed to protect, sobbing because of this man in front of him. “Hyung calm down.” Jongho started, “Stay out of this Jongho.” Wooyoung spat at the younger man. “Wooyoung.” Hongjoong started but Woo cut him off, “No, you left Y/N all alone when she needed you.” Hongjoong’s eyes widened, he had completely forgotten about the conversation with you earlier. “Y/n calls you sobbing and you told her to figure it out?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME JOONG!” Wooyoung tried to control his breathing but he could only picture you alone sobbing on floor. “You dare call yourself her best friend.” He spat. He turned around, mumbling a quick apology to their youngest member. Not hearing Hongjoong panicking under his breath, reaching for his phone to call you. “Fix this Hyung.” He heard Jongho say and he turned to follow Wooyoung out the door. The sound of the front door slamming in sync with the beep of you ignoring his call.

TAGLIST🥰 if you want to be included in the taglist message me!

@vampzity@sanslovesblog@sundaybossanova @skzline @edenesth @owmoiralover @scarfac3 @blackb3|| @ateezswonderland @amuromio @the-multishipper @mingisbbokari

#ateez #friends to lovers #ateez hongjoong #wooyoung #mingi #jongho #choi san #yunho #yeosang #seonghwa #stray kids #bang chan #changbin #angst #anxitey

65 notes · View notes

crazyunsexycool · 7 months ago

Note

Hey Val!

It’s a good thing you mentioned we can send as many asks as we want because God knows we Geminis are terrible at making up our minds🥹

Sooo, for my first Birthday Celebration ask. You already know I’m a real sucker for hurt/comfort, and I know this prompt wasn’t in your list, but could you cook something up for our Stevie? Remember that amaaaaaazing fic you wrote about the 40s!Reader being kidnapped by Hydra and found 70 years later by Bucky?

Well, let’s say Stevie and her have settled down but he’s scared to lose her again. Maybe he’s having a nightmare or maybe she’s taken hostage/hurt because the enemy knows her worth in Steve’s eyes.

Can you write it pleaseeee?

(And yes, I told you I wanted a part two to this one shot, and I’m trying hard to get it🫢🩵)

It only took me a year to write it...

Read part 1 here

Love in times of war

Part 2

Pairing: Steve Rogers x 40s!Reader

word count: 13.6k

Warnings: Nightmares, implied smut, so much angst, attempted kidnapping, kidnapping, mentioned isolation as punishment, reader gets slapped a few times, pregnancy, mentioned childbirth, fluff

A/N: As I said before it took me a year to write this. Mostly due to writer's block. I'm still not convinced it's as good as part 1 🥺 but I did my best. It's kind of age of ultron-ish (no ultron though) and also we have Bucky!! Anyways I hope you like it!!!!!

Steve walked away from the small dispute between drunken soldiers and headed toward the hotel. A lone car sped off not too far away but he couldn’t be bothered to worry about it. He was anxious to be with you again. The upcoming missions were going to be hard on everyone so he wanted a bit of peace and happiness in his life with his best girl.

Steve took the stairs two at a time, he wanted to have you back in his arms as fast as possible. He kept the same pace as he walked down the hallway but his stomach dropped as soon as he saw your door. It was wide open and there was no sign of you anywhere. Steve rushed in and checked everywhere but the room was in perfect order. As he rushed out something on the floor got his attention. The light hit the metal object just right and he realized it was the locket he had given you a few hours before. He picked it up and saw that the clasp was broken and he ran.

Outside under the light of the winter moon Bucky was escorting the commandos back toward the hotel. As they neared the entrance Steve barged out. Bucky knew something was wrong immediately.

“Steve what is it?”

“Y/N’s gone. Someone took her.” He rushed out.

That was enough to get the Howlies’ attention.

“How do you know she’s gone?”

“Her door was wide open and the room was un disturbed and this.” He showed them the locket and the broken clasp. “She wouldn’t have taken it off willingly.”

“Ok we have to move now. Did you see anything suspicious as you came in?”

“No nothing-“ Steve shook his head before he turned as he remembered the car that had sped away. “No no no no no.” He started running in that direction with Bucky following suit.

“Y/N!” Steve yelled at the top of his lungs. “Y/N, please. Please… don’t… leave me.”

“Steve.” He turned at the sound of your voice. He could hear you but not see you.

“Steve?”

“Y/N? Where are you?”

“Steve…”

“Steve, honey, you’ve gotta wake up.” You gently touched Steve’s cheek as you tried to wake him. He kept yelling your name while moving around frantically in bed. His neck and chest were red as he strained to fight some invisible enemy. “Honey, wake up. It’s just a nightmare I’m right here.”

Steve sat up abruptly starling you. His breathing was erratic and his eyes were wild and unfocused. You called his name softly, your touch gentle on his thigh.

“Y/N?” He sounded so scared that you weren’t there.

“I’m right here.”

Steve pulled you into his lap and hid his face into the crook of your neck while you played with his hair.

“It felt so real. Like it happened all over again.” His breath was shallow again as his anxiety went into overdrive. “I can’t lose you again. I can’t.”

“Breathe for me honey. Just focus on your breathing. You aren’t going to lose me again.”

“You can’t say things like that. You know anything could happen.”

“And you’d go to the ends of the earth to find me wouldn’t you?” You ask as you pull away to search his eyes.

“Of course I would.”

You smile at him and then give him a quick kiss. “Then there is nothing to worry about.”

Steve doesn’t reply, he just kisses you again and again until he’s laid you down on the bed.

“Wait, my dress.” You say when he pulls on the strap ripping it.

“I’ll get you a new one.”

You giggle as Steve moves from your neck down to your chest while popping the buttons on the front of your dress.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Steve.”

~~~~~~~~~

“How have you been adjusting?” Bruce asked while the elevator ascended to a higher level.

“There’s so much I still need to learn. But there are things I like. There’s so much more freedom now for women to be in the science field.”

“I think you had a hand in paving the way for people that would have otherwise been overlooked for one thing or the other.”

“Oh please.” You scoffed as you stepped out of the elevator.

“You need to give yourself more credit. I mean you’re here to give a talk about your experience.”

“My contribution wouldn’t have been as meaningful if I hadn’t disappeared and been dating Steve. I know what I have done and what I can do, I just wish my work would have been recognized because of me, not who I was dating back then.”

As you turn the corner from the elevator banks you come face to face with a large group of people, mostly women waiting for the doors to open. Your presence caught the eye of one of the attendees who immediately started cheering for you. Before you knew it the room was full of thunderous applause. Bruce had to help you navigate the sea of people wanting an autograph or to shake your hand.

“See what I mean?” He said once you were escorted to a separate room.

“I am so much more nervous now.”

“Don’t be you’ll be fine and I’ll be in the first row.”

“I wish Steve would have been able to be here.” You murmur as you fix your dress again.

“I know he would too, but the talk is being transmitted live so I know he’ll be watching.”

****

Your speech had gone great. There was even a question and answer segment and you got every question imaginable. From working with Erskine to what it was like dating Steve.

Somewhere towards the end of the questions something went wrong. Armed men rushed in, Bruce hulked out and chaos ensued. You thought you heard someone calling out for you but then you feel something hit the back of your head. Your vision blurred and your knees gave out. Pain spread through your head, in the quick few seconds after being hit you blackout.

~~~~~~~

“I knew it was a bad idea to let her go out so soon.” Steve’s voice reached you but it was so hard to open your eyes.

“Too soon? Steve, she's been here for two months. You can’t keep her locked up.”

That was Bucky. They were having a whispered argument.

“It’s not about keeping her locked up. It’s about keeping her safe. She’s still the only person that knows the formula for the serum. Every agency and country in the world is going to come after her.”

“Steve?” You asked. Everything was blurry, all you could make out was shapes moving around and that caused you to panic. “Steve?”

“I’m right here. It’s ok.”

“I can’t see.”

“I know, it’s a side effect from the smoke grenades and the hit you took but it will clear up.” He reassured you while taking your hand. You breathed a sigh of relief at having him close.

“What happened?”

“Hydra. They made their way in to try and take you. Again.”

“Was anyone hurt?”

“A few bumps and bruises. I think you got the worst of it.” He says as you feel his free hand cup your cheek.

“I thought I heard someone call my name right before I blacked out.”

“That was me. I wanted to surprise you, didn’t want to show up with you and take the attention away. You deserve the recognition. Bucky was with me too.”

“Sorry your moment was ruined, darling.” Bucky murmurs.

“I’m just sorry others got hurt because of me.”

“They’ll be alright, just like you will. Why don’t you rest ok?”

You just nod and turn your head toward the wall and away from him. Soon enough you fall asleep again.

~~~~~~~~~

The first few days were difficult. The attack had been hard on you and you were told you needed to stay in bed rest for the next few days. That didn’t work for you and you had to sneak out of your shared apartment with Steve. It wasn’t easy because he rarely left your side but he had no choice on this specific morning. You took the opportunity and went down to Bruce’s lab.

****

“So this cable goes here, like this.”

“That’s correct.” Bruce looks over your work. “If you press this button you’ll be able to view the sample on the monitor.”

“That is so much easier on the eyes.”

Bruce smiles which is something he rarely does. But it’s gone quickly and he’s moving on to teaching you the next thing. You take notes and it feels like being with Erskine again. The wave of emotion crashing down on you unexpectedly.

“Are you ok?” Bruce places a hand gently on your shoulder.

“Yes, sorry. It’s just, this reminded me so much of being with Erskine. It feels weird, you know. To me everything that I lived through in the war happened like two months ago but really it’s been decades. I guess I just never really gave myself a chance to mourn and then I’ll do something that reminds me of my past. The Howlies, Erskine, Howard.” You sniffle. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t be dumping this on you.”

“No, it’s ok. I’d like to think that we’re friends.”

“We are.” You clear your throat and focus on the task at hand. “Now you said that I can record what I’m looking at right?”

“Yeah, I’ll show you how.”

****

“Ready for your lesson?” Nat didn’t even look up from her spot on the sparring mat.

“I am if you are.”

“Always am.” She finally looks up at you, taking in your work out clothes. “Did you tell him yet?”

“Tell Steve that I’m taking self defense? No. He’d probably freak out and lock me in our apartment.”

“He’s just worried.”

You nod as you walk toward the center of the mat where she was. “I know but I feel as if he’s keeping me prisoner. No matter what I say he always has an excuse as to why I can’t do something. As if I wasn’t there with him during the war. I need to be able to protect myself.”

Nat gave you a sympathetic look.

“How do I get things back to what they used to be?”

“Steve struggled with that too. Truth is that nothing will ever be how it was. You both have changed and so has the world around you. You’re different people now, there’s no use in trying to be what you were.”

You realize that what Nat was saying is true. The only thing that hadn’t changed was how much you loved Steve. Your relationship with Steve felt so fragile at the moment. Mostly because when you met and started the relationship everything was happening so quickly. There was no time to second guess feelings when going on a mission could mean never seeing each other again. This was new territory for the two of you.

Everything else had changed and you would have to accept that sooner rather than later.

With a sigh and encouragement from Nat you took up your defensive stance and focused on sparring. You had only been sparring for a few minutes when you were startled by Steve.

“What the hell are you doing?” He stared at both you and Nat with a mixture of horror, concern and anger.

You gave Nat a bit of a frown.

“You should be on bedrest.” He reiterated the instructions just as he had a few times during the last few days.

“I’m fine.”

“So you’re just going against doctor’s orders?”

“I’m a nurse, I think I know when I can push myself.” You and Steve just stare at each other. He clenched his jaw and you crossed your arms over your chest.

Nat stood there, her gaze bouncing from you to Steve and back. She’d been in many different situations ranging from life threatening to ridiculous but this was the worst one. You both were her friends and she didn’t like seeing you fight but she also knew she couldn’t get in the middle of it. Slowly Nat moved away from the mats and left the two of you to work it out.

“Who’s idea was it?” Steve finally broke the tense silence.

“Mine.” You replied.

“Why didn’t you ask me for some training?”

“Because you would have said no.”

“That’s not true.” Steve defends himself.

“Really? Fine. Steve, would you be willing to give me some self defense lessons so that the next time hydra tries to kidnap me I can fight back?”

“They aren’t going to take you again, I won’t let them.”

You sigh and your arms drop to your sides. Finally you look away from him as you think about what to say next.

“We don’t know what they have planned but I know they’ll try. I’d rather know how to fight than be defenseless. If you won’t give me some lessons I will find someone that will do it.” You finally say before walking away.

Steve could only watch you leave. That was his biggest fear, the not knowing. It made him feel like he was just that small kid from Brooklyn stepping up to fight the neighborhood bully. Except this time he wouldn’t walk away having lost a fight, there was a chance he’d lose you again and he couldn’t take that chance. If Steve lost you again there would be no coming back for him. He knew this, this fear kept him up at night. Partly due to him thinking of all the ways he could keep you safe and the other was to keep an eye on the bedroom door.

Without much else to do Steve followed you back up to your shared apartment. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He didn’t want to show you how vulnerable he truly was but if that’s what he had to do to make you understand then he would do it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Up in the apartment Steve found you in the kitchen finishing off a glass of water. He stood on the other side of the island and watched you for a minute. You looked over your shoulder and put the glass down before turning around completely and giving Steve your attention.

“I need to learn to defend myself.”

“You need to rest and get better.” Steve counters.

“I am better.”

“You’re not cleared by a doctor, you could really hurt yourself or make an injury worse.”

“I’m a nurse, I think I can handle myself.” You huff.

“Things are different now. There are a lot of things that you didn’t know about back then.” Steve argues. “Medical issues that could sneak up on you if you don’t follow doctor’s orders.”

“So what? When we were in the middle of the war we didn’t have time to rest for weeks at a time. Besides, you can’t keep me locked away in this compound forever. What’s the worst that could happen if I have to leave this place?”

“I could lose you!” Steve bellows. “I won’t lose you again. I can’t- I can’t live without you.” His voice cracks. “I won’t do it again.” There are unshed tears in his eyes and that softens your stance on the issue a little.

You walked around the kitchen island and hugged him. Steve held you close as he fought back his tears.

“I failed you back then and I’ll regret it every single day of my life.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I knew what I signed up for when I worked with Erskine. I knew the risks when I agreed to work with Howard.” You pull back to look at him. “Honey, I know you want to keep me safe but at some point we’ll have to be apart. I don’t want to be defenseless again. I was scared back then. Please understand why I need to do this. I trust that you would do everything you could to find me but what about if they actually get me? What do I do while I wait for you to find me? It scares the hell out of me to think about that.”

Steve took a deep breath in order to calm himself. He had never looked at it that way.

“You must’ve been terrified.” He whispered before pulling back into his chest where he felt you nod your head.

“It was horrible. Every second of it. Please don’t leave me defenseless.”

“Ok, I’ll get you trained on a little bit of everything.” Steve kisses the top of your head. “But only after you’ve got the ok from the doctors.”

“Fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a few months since your attempted kidnapping. While the Avengers were still on high alert for any signs that hydra might want to kidnap you again, things were going back to normal. Steve had created a training schedule for you and now you atleast felt confident in protecting yourself. Your relationship was also really starting to grow. During the war it was about survival and stolen moments. Now you’re free to really enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other better.

In this time you’ve learned that you loved the little things Steve did for you just as much as the grand romantic gestures. You also learned that Steve loved it when you played with his hair and just kept your hands on him in general. But it was dancing in the living room at odd hours that you both enjoyed most. Especially when he would come back from a mission and even though he told you not to, you’d be waiting for him. It didn’t matter the hour. You needed to know he wasn’t hurt and even when he didn’t say it, you knew Steve needed to see you as soon as possible. After a difficult mission when his anxiety wouldn’t let him sleep you’d sit on the couch with his head on your lap, running your fingers through his hair until the tension melted from his shoulders. When that didn’t work you’d put music on and drag him to slow dance with you. Steve just needed to be held and you were more than happy to do that.

****

“The blue shirt makes your eyes pop more. You know how much I love that.” You tell Steve while he holds out two shirts. Tony was throwing the first party at the compound in a while. “But wear whatever you feel more comfortable in.”

“I’d be more comfortable if we didn’t go. We could always stay in bed, naked. Like we were earlier.” Steve stands behind you, his arms around your waist and chin in your shoulder.

“Stevie, honey, I know how you feel about the whole hydra thing. But we can’t stay stuck in this apartment forever. I’m already going stir crazy because I can’t leave the building.” You had stopped applying the finishing touches on your makeup and turned to give him your full attention. “How about we stay for an hour and come back?”

The hopeful look in your eyes lessened Steve’s worries about the party. Yes he was worried about the threat hydra was but you were in the compound surrounded by agents and Avengers. There was no place safer.

****

A couple of songs in and neither of you get tired of dancing. Steve still gets a bit overwhelmed with current music but you found out that you like having your back pressed against his chest as you sway your hips. There have been a few times when he has to hold your hips still and he whispers in your ear the rather naughty things he’s going to do to you.

“I’ll be right back.” You tell Steve once you find Bucky at the Bar. Steve had just taken a seat but stood up again.

“Where are you going?”

“The ladies room. I’ll be back.” You kiss his cheek and head out toward the hallway.

****

It all happened so fast. Inhumanly fast. One minute you were walking out of the ladies room and the next you were whirling through the compound. The only thing you managed to do was scream for dear life and watch as the emergency protocol activated. Unfortunately you were out the doors before the building shut down so now you found yourself tied up in a van with a team of armed men and a guy with silver hair. You can’t help the tears that immediately started flowing.

“Please, not again.” You murmur, your eyes connecting with the silver haired man.

“Shut up.” Someone else says and knocks you unconscious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve couldn’t breathe when Friday announced that the emergency protocol had been activated. No one was allowed to move from where they were and all he wanted was to make sure you were ok. It took too long for his liking and Steve took off. He searched the bathroom closest to where the party was being held first. You weren’t there. Steve checked every single room he could until Tony called him into a meeting room. Everyone was waiting for him, serious expressions on their faces. The only person that wasn’t there was you. It only confirmed his worst fears. It was his worst nightmare come true.

“Steve.” Tony said cautiously.

“Who took her and what are we doing to find her?”

“It was most likely Hydra. Although we don’t know who exactly.” Tony plays the security tapes in slow motion which show you leaving the bathroom when a blur passes in a flash and then you are gone. He’d followed the blur but you weren’t seen in the building again.

“They’re enhanced, great.” Bucky shakes his head.

“I don’t care who it is and what abilities they have, find them so that I can end them and bring my girl home.” Steve grits out. Bucky stands and places a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“We’ll find her.”

“Last time you said that it took 70 years.” Steve’s anxious and angry and doing his best not to direct his anger at anyone.

“Yeah well you have us this time around, we’ll find her.” Nat assured him.

“Let's get to work.” Tony says and everyone goes off to do something.

Steve stands in the now empty conference room feeling helpless. He hadn’t felt like that in years. This time though he’d burn the world just to find you. No one and nothing was going to stand in his way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You aren’t sure how much time has passed but you feel groggy as you start to stir. With a groan you open your eyes, blinking slowly as you take in the space. It’s a small cell with a cot and barely any light. The events before this come flooding back and you feel your eyes water.

“Not again.” You murmur. “Please not again.”

The door creaks open and a large frame blocks the door and the light. You can’t tell who it is but it doesn’t matter because you’re being pulled up and out of the cell. Rough hands drag you down the hall and you fight every step of the way and actually manage to knock one of the guards down. But just like you hit the guards, they hit you back. Then you’re strapped to a chair in the middle of a room. While this is extremely familiar to you it still causes fear to finally set in.

“The nurse that gave us the winter soldier.” The voice came from behind you. “You really gave us a hard time in finding you by hiding away with the Avengers. But no matter, you are finally back where you belong.”

“Fuck you.”

Your hair gets pulled back and a man with a buzzcut and what looks like a monocle is in your face.

“Just because you have information we need, it does not mean you get to mouth off. I suggest you keep your mouth shut and do as I say.” The accent is barely there but still noticeable. He looks familiar but you can’t place it.

“You’re going to regret this. You better count your days.”

The man smiles and lets go.

“I like a challenge. You’ll submit to me long before the Avengers could ever find you.”

You smile, just to taunt him. “You don’t realize you’ve pissed off Captain America. He won’t stop until he finds me. And when he does he’ll burn this place to the ground with you in it.”

“I’d love to see him try. I have a few tricks up my sleeve. You’ve met one of them already.”

You notice movement to your left and that same silvered hair man walks into view. Next to him is a woman with long auburn hair, there’s so much more anger in her eyes. It makes you wonder what they’ve been through.

“They’re practically kids.” You murmur as you turn your attention back to your capture. “I’ve met men like you.”

“I would hope so, my grandfather and father worked for hydra when you were held.”

“Yeah? Who were they? Who are you?”

“I’m Baron Von Strucker.”

“Von Strucker, I remember them.” You nod.

“They were great men and I plan to follow in their footsteps.”

“They were cowards.” There’s a stinging sensation on your cheek before you even realize that his hand connected with your face. “It’s true. They were nothing to hydra. They hid in the basement and did their little experiments, mostly on me, but they accomplished nothing. Pathetic little men that hid behind children and women because they couldn’t do anything worthy.”

“SHUT UP!” Von Strucker hit you again, this time hard enough to knock the chair you were in back. “Your life is in my hands and you will show me respect.”

You weren’t focusing on him, your attention was on the two other people in the room. The woman’s eyes softened before looking at the floor and the man that had taken you was also looking away. They both stood there silently but fidgeting. This made them uncomfortable and it made you hope that they weren’t exactly like the rest of the people here.

“Take her to her cell. No one talks to her. Maybe some isolation will remind her how things work around here.”

You don’t fight when two guards grab you and drag you to a cell that hasn’t seen the light of day since the place was built. It didn’t matter how long they’d keep you in there, you knew Steve wouldn’t stop looking for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A chair flew through the glass wall of the conference room. Glass shards littered the floor both in the conference room and the hallway. It was taking all of Bucky, Sam and Clint to restrain Steve.

“What do you mean you haven’t found anything? It’s been weeks. The longer we wait the less chance we have of finding her.” Steve yelled. “You said you’d find her Stark, so fucking do it.”

“Steve, you need to cool it. We aren’t going to let you go until you do.”

Steve glared at Clint but ultimately he stopped struggling against all three men. Clint pulled away first and then Sam but Bucky kept his arms around Steve’s chest just in case he wanted to try and lunge at Tony again.

“We’ll find her but there are a lot of hydra bases that we still don’t know about. Y/N could be anywhere. I won’t stop until she’s back home.” Tony tries to assure him.

Steve is breathing heavily, his neck is red and the color seems to creep up his jaw. When he first woke up in the present his first thought was how all of the technology would have helped him find you back when you were taken. Now it seemed like it didn’t matter. There was nothing in this world that would help Steve get to you but he couldn’t lose hope, he wouldn’t.

“Give me the list of potential hydra bases and I’ll work surveillance.” Steve said after a moment.

“So you can go in there shield blazing? I don’t think it’s a good idea, Cap. If we go in with half assed information we might lose her for good.”

“You know Tony’s right Steve. We’ll find a lead and we’ll get Y/N back.” Bucky says.

Steve’s shoulders slump and he nods in agreement. He’s trying so hard to not break down. He still feels guilty about losing you the first time but now he can’t and won’t forgive himself. You trusted that he would keep you safe but he let you down again.

With the burden of knowing they weren’t any closer to finding you, Steve leaves the conference room. He has barely stepped a foot into your shared apartment. There are too many things that remind him of you now and he just couldn’t be there without you. Instead Bucky was letting Steve stay in his spare room in order to keep an eye on him. It wasn’t helping, since Steve was slowly but surely spiraling and Bucky wasn’t sure he would be able to help his friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You felt sick. It had been weeks since you were taken and Strucker had made your life a living hell. He kept you completely isolated for a long time. Reality was starting to feel warped and you felt as if you were going to die.

When you were finally granted a reprieve from your solitude you were dragged through the hall of the old building. Even if you were allowed to walk, you were too weak to hold yourself up. You’d been dumped in an empty room and you stayed curled up in a ball at the center. At the sounds of footsteps you tilt your head back. The twins, as everyone calls them, walked into the room. Pietro and Wanda were their names from the whispers you’d heard.

Your vision was blurred and you were so thirsty. You wanted to reach out to ask them for help but at the same time they had been a witness to what was being done to you and they stood by. Pietro had been the one to take you from the compound so you couldn’t trust him anyway.

“Doing… can’t…” you heard the whispered murmurs. “Help… dead.”

You blinked slowly when the lights above you had been blocked.

“Are you ok?” Wanda asked in a whisper as she stared down at you.

You just blinked, too tired to say anything, your thoughts were loud and clear though. “Fuck you and your brother.”

Wanda flinched and took a step back.

“What was that, sister?”

“She said fuck us both.” Wanda relays your thoughts and you furrow your brows in confusion.

Pietro can’t help but chuckle. He steps beside you and crouches. His eyes are concerned and for a moment you believe the sincerity behind it.

“I am sorry, really. This is not what we thought would happen.” He moves some hair out of your face but you smack his hand away with what little strength you have.

“Hydra lied? What a surprise.”

“What is hydra?” Wanda stepped closer. “We’ve heard this term before but don’t know what it is.”

You sighed and closed your eyes, too tired to continue the conversation. “You read minds don’t you?” You murmured.

“I do.”

“Read mine, see for yourself the monsters you work for.” You say before falling asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A quick, sharp slap to your face wakes you up. You’re tied to a chair in the middle of a lab. A table full of instruments sits nearby and Strucker standing in front of you.

“Welcome back. I hope that you’ve had enough time to realize that being disrespectful will get you nowhere.” He says.

You look around the room and spot Pietro and Wanda. There are a few guards and some assistants waiting for their orders.

“So tell me, are you ready to cooperate?”

You open your mouth to say something but Wanda shakes her head. Eyes go red and you hear her voice in your head.

“Go along with what he says. You need to live, you both do.”

You furrow your brows. What did she mean by ‘you both do’?

“Yes.” You rasp out.

Strucker’s smile is wicked as he leans down and gets in your face. “I knew you’d break easily.” He stands back up and places his hands behind his back. “Now, it’s simple what I want from you. I want you to recreate the serum. We will get started tomorrow morning. Guards take her to her new cell and I guess she can have something to drink, since she’s decided to behave.”

The guards undo your restraints and grab you roughly. There’s a little flash of red in your peripheral and suddenly the guards are being more gentle with you.

The cell you’re taken to at least had a window and a cot. It’s an old uncomfortable looking thing but it’s better than cold hard stones. You’re dumped on the floor again and the door is closed without a word.

“Wanda? Are you there? Can you hear me?” You thought.

“I’m here. Pietro and I-we’re sorry. We didn’t know who you were. Strucker told us you worked with Stark. That’s who he said we were after.”

“What does Tony have to do with anything?”

“There are more important things to worry about right now.” Wanda’s voice echoed in your head.

“What did you mean when you said ‘you both have to live’?”

“Y/N, I overheard Strucker. The doctors in the lab did some tests while you were unconscious. He said you’re pregnant and that he plans to use the baby to force you to work for him.” Wanda says softly.

“I’m pregnant?” You asked in disbelief, your hand instinctively resting over your midsection.

“You didn’t know? I’m so sorry Y/N. Pietro and I will help you out of here. We don’t want to work with these monsters anymore. Just give us time.”

“Ok, I’ll trust you both. When the Avengers show up I’ll make sure they help you get out too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve was tired of waiting. He was done sitting on the sidelines and doing nothing to find you. The team was aware of his restlessness and kept a close eye on him. But his determination was stronger than any plan they had in place.

So under the cover of night, Steve slips out of Bucky’s apartment. He’d studied the security cameras and knew all the blind spots. Steve stuck to the shadows until he reached the hangar and headed for one of the quinjets.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Bucky’s voice broke the silence. He stepped out of the darkness and into the dimly lit night.

“I’m going to find her.”

“You’re going to get her killed if you’re reckless.”

Steve turned to his lifelong friend. He was angry and tired of not knowing anything. “What am I supposed to do? Sit here until we know she’s dead for sure?”

“This could hurt our chances of finding her. If hydra starts talking that Captain America is making the rounds we might not find her at all.”

“We have no chances right now. There isn’t even a whisper of her name or description. We have nothing so I’m going to go find something.” Steve said through gritted teeth. “Now are you going to stop me or are you letting me go?”

“I’m going with you.” Bucky said, leaving no room for discussion. “You’re going to need back up and I won’t be the one to tell Y/N your dumbass died looking for her.”

“Fine but we should leave now.”

Steve heads to the closest jet and gets in with Bucky following closely behind.

“Good, you’re here.” Nat turned in her seat. “Sam, we’re ready to go.”

“You got it Red.”

“What are you guys doing here?” Steve is caught by surprise.

“Did you think we’d let you do this alone?” Sam shakes his head as he turns back to the controls. “We knew you’d do something dumb sooner or later and we made a plan.”

“Yeah, Rogers. Now let’s go find your girl.”

The four of them would sneak off as often as they could. Chasing whispers and rumors as to where you might be. It was better than sitting at the compound and doing nothing. Steve wouldn’t stop until he got a lead. He would bring you home this time no matter what it took.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were exhausted but you had to keep pushing forward. Strucker did reveal the fact that you were pregnant and used your unborn baby to get you to do what he wanted. He wanted you to recreate the serum and make it even stronger. You did the best you could to make it seem like you were doing what he’d ask but really you were buying time until Steve would find you. At least you hoped he would.

Wanda and Pietro did the best to protect you. But it was hard for them as well. They had to realize and accept that the people they were working for weren’t good. You saw how much this truth affected them and the longer you were held prisoner the angrier they got.

“How are you feeling?” Wanda whispers as you take her blood.

“So tired and sick. I’m scared I could lose the baby.”

“We won’t let that happen.”

You look up at her with tired and worry filled eyes. “We both know you can’t promise that. If Steve doesn’t get here soon, I think I’ll never see him again. And our baby will never be safe.” Your bottom lip trembled.

“Y/N-“

“What’s going on here?” Strucker’s voice boomed through the lab. His eyes were zeroed in on Wanda’s hand as she tried to comfort you.

“Nothing.” You say quickly. “I was drawing her blood like you asked.”

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You know Wanda, I think I’ve been giving you too much freedom. Maybe I should remind you who is in charge here.”

“You can try.” Her eyes glow red and you move away from them. “But I don’t think you would like the outcome of this fight.”

Strucker grins. “I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your ruthlessness. You,” he points at you. “Keep working. I want the serum soon.”

You nod and move back to your station. This was too much for you to handle and you started to believe that maybe Steve wouldn’t find you on time.

~~~~~~~~

For weeks you were pushed to your limits but you did as you were told in order to keep your baby safe. Everyday you bit your tongue and kept your head down. You didn’t want to admit it but you were starting to lose hope. Wanda and Pietro were trying their best to protect you but Strucker caught on to their plan and would keep the three of you separated. All you wanted was for your baby to be safe and for Steve to know about him or her.

The one thing you did have control over was the serum and no matter what happened you would never give Strucker the full formula. But you could deceive him, hopefully, long enough to give the twins a chance to get you out of here. At least that was the plan. Every night when you were dragged back to your cell you could hear Wanda’s voice in your head telling you the progress, albeit small, they had made to get out and take you with them. This night was no different.

“Everything will be ok, little one.” You spoke to your small round belly. The baby moved in response.

“I think we can leave in two days. Hang in there.”

****

You’d barely gotten to sleep when the door to your cell flew open. Two armed guards walked in and grabbed you. Like every single time before, you kicked and punched and tried to pull yourself free from their hold but it never worked. You were thrown on the floor of the lab, you cradled your small bump in order to protect your child.

“You have been lying to me.” Strucker’s voice boomed as he paced back and forth. “The formula is worthless, you idiot.” He stopped and stared down at you. “I’m giving you two options right now. Give me the correct formula or you’ll never have that child.”

“No, please.” You cry out.

“Then what will it be?”

“Ok, I’ll do it. I’ll finish the serum.”

Rough hands grab you from the floor and push you harshly towards your station. Strucker stands behind you and grabs you by the back of your neck. You wince when he pulls you back roughly.

“If you try to deceive me again, I will kill you.” Strucker threatens before walking out.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Strucker had you working around the clock. You weren’t sure how it was possible to be an even worse human being but he figured out a way. Because of your deception now Wanda and Pietro were paying the price as well. They kept Wanda sedated enough to not be able to use her powers and Pietro was kept chained up. You could see how it was affecting the both of them and realized they were just ticking time bombs. As the serum neared its completion you worried that this would be the end for you.

“You aren’t lying to me are you?” Stucker looks down at you.

“No. The serum is finished.”

“Good. Bring him in.”

The guards open a door and Pietro is pulled in. He fights against his restraints and captors.

“Administer the serum to him.”

“No I can’t.” You protest.

Strucker slaps you hard. “Don’t disobey orders.”

“No, you don’t get it. The serum is not made for someone who has an ability already. For all I know it could kill him.”

“I don’t care.”

Tears pool in your eyes as you grab the syringe with the serum. You hesitate as you walk toward Pietro.

“It’s ok. I deserve it for bringing you here.” He says softly.

“You don’t.”

“Look after Wanda for me ok? She will be all alone.”

You cry silently as you bring the needle to Pietro’s neck.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tony fires a small explosive toward the building. He informs the team to move in as he flies overhead and takes down a few more guards.

From the ground Steve runs through the forest at full speed. He only stops to fight the armed guards that stand in his way. It has been four months since you’d been taken and he has not stopped looking for you. He had done a few questionable things but he didn’t regret it if it meant bringing you back home alive and well.

Bucky is right behind Steve. He’s fighting just as hard to get you back. It hasn’t been easy for him to see the way his best friend has lost himself in his sorrows over losing you again. With every step he takes closer to the hydra facility they’re attacking, Bucky gains more hope. He knows you have to be there and he’ll make sure that you’re reunited with Steve if it’s the last thing he does.

“Remember, the mission is to find Y/N and bring her out safely. After that we can deal with everyone else. We can burn this place to the ground for all I care.” Steve says over comms before looking at Bucky and Sam who lands right behind them. “Are you two ready?”

Both men nod. At this moment their only job is to support Steve.

“In position Cap.” Nat says through comms.

“Security system has been disengaged. You’re free to enter.”

“Thanks, Stark. Everyone move in now.” Steve orders and everyone rushes in.

The hallways of the building are in utter chaos as people surge forward to fight against the team. But Steve was relentless as he pushed forward. He wouldn’t leave this building without you. So if he had to fight every single person here, he would.

~~~~~~~~~~

“What the hell is happening?” Strucker yelled as the building rocked from what sounded like an explosion.

Hope builded quickly that it could be Steve. That he finally found you and was here to save you. You took the opportunity of the distraction and threw the syringe on the floor and stepped on it. Everyone in the lab started running around so you grabbed Pietro and led him to a corner.

“Take this off.” Pietro shuffles in his restraints.

“What do you think you’re doing?” The guard that had brought Pietro in rushes up to you.

You don’t respond, instead you punch him in the face. He stumbles back and you take advantage, grabbing the keys and set Pietro free.

“Hold on.”

“Pietro, wait. No this isn’t-” You scream while being set down in a safer part of the base.

“Stay here, I’ll get Wanda.”

A few seconds later Wanda and Pietro are standing in front of you.

“Stay together. I will help your friends.” Pietro says before hugging his sister. “Please be careful. I’ll see you soon.”

“We shouldn’t stay here.” Wanda grabs your hand and you begin to move down the hall. She stumbles a bit and you notice her eyes are glazed over. She’s still drugged. “There should be an exit close by.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve pushed through every single blow, gunshot and attack that came his way. Tony had just confirmed your whereabouts within the building and he was going to get to you one way or another. It was just one more hallway and a turn around the corner and you should be there. A blur of silver flashes by him and Steve stops in his tracks as it comes back around.

“Captain, My name is Pi-” Pietro is cut off when Steve punches him in the face causing his nose to bleed before grabbing Pietro by the front of his shirt.

“You’re the one who took Y/N from me. Where is she?” Steve was seething.

“With my sister. She is safe. I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

“Take me to her. She better be ok or I will end you, kid.”

Pietro leads Steve to where he left you.

“Pietro, hurry. Strucker has found us.”

“We have to hurry. Strucker has them. This way.” Pietro runs further into the belly of the building with Steve following closely behind.

They turn a corner and for the first time in months Steve sees you. You’re in a dirty hospital gown, your hair is disheveled and overall you look exhausted.

****

“Let her go, now.” You breathe a sigh of relief at the sound of Steve’s voice.

He’s covered in sweat, dirt and blood but you have never been happier to see him.

“Well look at who we have here. Captain America, here for his whore.”

Steve straightens his posture. There’s a fire in his eyes you’ve only seen during the war and even now it’s more intense.

“It must be nice to hide behind the shield.” Strucker says. “To let your uniform define you. You were a waste.”

Steve throws his shield to the side and removes his cowl. “Why don’t I show you what I can do without the shield.”

“I would but we must get going. Say goodbye to your whore.”

Strucker pulls you by your hair while you struggle against him.

“Steve, please.” You call out to him, crying because you are so scared and tired of everything.

“Get your shield Captain.” Pietro whispers. “I will get her out of the way and then you can move in.”

Steve quickly grabs his shield. In a quick movement you’re right behind him and he launches the shield toward Strucker. He falls backward towards the wall and then Pietro grabs him.

“Where is my sister?”

“You’ll never see her again.” Strucker spits out.

“Pietro, they took her that way.” Pietro looks around the corner and back at you. “Go get her.”

Bucky and Sam show up behind you and Steve instructs them to grab Strucker before turning to you.

“Sweetheart-”

“I knew you would find me. I knew it.” You start crying uncontrollably in Steve’s arms.

“Let’s get you out of here.”

Steve picks you up bridal style and starts walking back the way they came. He has to keep his emotions in check even though he wants to cry with you. This isn’t like last time, he just has to remember that.

“Wait, we can’t leave Pietro and Wanda.” You sniffle.

“Pietro was the one who kidnapped you. He’s lucky I didn’t kill him.”

“Please Steve, you have to bring them back. They’re just kids that were fed lies. Their country is at war and they wanted to do the right thing. They kept me safe all this time.”

Steve gives you a stiff nod but doesn’t say much else until you’re in the safety of the quinjet and being looked over by Bruce. You hear Steve say a few things but you’re so tired that you slip in and out of consciousness.

“Sweetheart?” Steve calls you softly until you open your eyes. “We found them. Pietro and Wanda are on their way and then we can go home.”

“Good.” You close your eyes for a moment feeling the exhaustion from the last few weeks finally catching up with you before your eyes pop open again. “Steve.”

“What is it Sweetheart?”

“You have to know something.”

“Whatever it is, it can wait, ok?” Steve kisses your forehead and takes your hand. “Just rest.”

“It can’t.” You move his hand to rest over your midsection and you watch confusion color Steve’s eyes.

“What happened? Are you hurt? Bruce, come take a look.”

Bruce turns around from where he was looking at the computer screen. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know it’s right here.” Steve points at your belly. “It feels swollen.”

“I’m going to take a look which means pulling up the hospital gown.”

“Ok.” You murmur as your eyes begin to close.

“Steve, I think Y/N is pregnant.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The air wasn’t stale. That’s the first thing you noticed. Then it was the beeping and the comfortable bed you were laying in. As consciousness began to consume you, hope filled your chest that you were actually home and your rescue hadn’t been a dream. You open your eyes slowly and realize that it’s the middle of the night. Steve is sitting by the bed, his arms folded over his chest and his head tilted forward, he was asleep and looked uncomfortable.

“Steve.” You whispered with a raspy voice. It was enough to wake him up though.

“Sweetheart?” Steve stood up so fast he kicked his chair over. He took your hand in his and immediately kissed it.

“I’m so glad you’re awake, you had me scared for a while.” He says. “Friday, inform the nursing staff that Y/N is awake.” Steve tells the A.I. “How are you feeling?”

“Thirsty. Still tired and achy.”

The nurses walk in and Steve informs them that you’re thirsty. Bruce walks in a few minutes later and they all hover over you for a few minutes. They take your vitals and ask some questions before they finally give you space and Steve can be at your side again. After drinking some water you are able to talk better.

“How long was I asleep for?”

“Two weeks.” Steve teared up and it broke your heart. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

“Lay down with me.” You moved to make some space for him.

“I shouldn’t. You need to be as comfortable as possible.”

“Steve what are you-“ you gasped as your hand went to your belly. “The baby, is the baby ok?”

Steve smiles. “Strong heartbeat and growing how he or she should be growing.”

You started crying, happy tears this time and Steve finally moved to sit beside you. He carefully pulled you into his chest and the tension left his body. You were really here in his arms. The nightmare was over.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just relieved that I’m out of that hellhole and that the baby is ok. That you saved me. I knew you would. I was scared you’d never get to know about our baby.”

“I’m so sorry sweetheart. All of this was my fault.” He murmurs into the top of your head as he finally embraces you.

“Why is it your fault?”

“Because I didn’t protect you.”

“Steve, honey, that son of a bitch wanted me because I know how to create the serum. He would have found a way to get to me. That’s not your fault.” You look up at him through wet lashes. “I know you’ll always blame yourself for this but I don’t. At some point you’re going to have to forgive yourself.”

“Maybe, but not today.”

“Still so damn stubborn.” You murmur, getting a chuckle out of him.

“C'mon you need to rest.”

“Ok,” you yawn. “Only if you stay on the bed with me though.”

“But you need your space so that you can be comfortable.”

“No. I need you close. Please? I need to feel safe. You make me feel safe.” Even though it was over it didn’t mean the fear you’d felt for the past few months would just be gone. It was still there and you knew that it would always stay there.

“Ok.” Steve relented. If his best girl needed to feel safe he’d make sure she was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There’s our fighter.” Bucky announced from the doorway. It was early the next day when the team started to come in to see you. Bucky being the first. He had a huge flower arrangement in his hand and a teddy bear.

You were shuffling out of the bathroom with Steve’s help after finally being able to shower.

“Bucky.” You opened your arms and accepted his embrace happily.

“Darling, how are you feeling?”

“So much better. How are you? How is everyone?”

“I’m good. Relieved that you’re finally back. Everyone is anxious to see you. I had to beat them with a stick to get in here first.” He jokes as he helps you get back in bed. “Everyone is excited for the baby too. The first Avenger’s first baby. It’s kind of a big deal and I’m more than happy to be the favorite uncle.”

“After all the shit you pulled in Europe? I don’t know if you’d be a good influence.”

Bucky was shocked at your response. “You say that as if Steve isn’t standing right there. You know that baby has half of his genes right?”

You laughed and nodded before looking lovingly up at Steve. He’s already looking at you with a soft smile.

“You’re right. I’m going to need all the help I can get.”

Bucky and Steve chuckle before they get a bit more serious.

“I’m happy you’re back, darling. We were a mess without you.”

“I missed you too, Bucky. Thank you for looking out for Steve.” No one had to tell you anything about it, you just knew he did.

“Well as much as I loved to do it, it’s your responsibility again. So have fun with that.” Bucky joked before he smiled softly at you. “I’ll let you rest. Call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you Buck.”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead and left. The rest of the day the team kept coming in and out of your room. All of them congratulating you and Steve on the baby and telling you how much you’d been missed. Fortunately the last of your visitors was leaving because you were exhausted.

“Why don’t you go up to the apartment and rest?” You told Steve although you were afraid of being left alone.

“I’ll leave this room when you do.”

You smiled as he placed his hand on your bump for the hundredth time that day. Your hand rests on top of his.

“I still can’t believe we’re going to be parents.” He says.

“I know. I hope he or she gets your artistic abilities and not your rebellious tendencies.”

Steve laughs and shakes his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

There’s a knock at the door and it opens just enough for someone to peek in.

“Wanda! How could I have forgotten about you? Please come in.” You sit up a bit more in bed.

Wanda opens the door to reveal Pietro just behind her. His eyes shift from you to Steve, who is now standing beside you in a much more rigid pose.

“Pietro.” You smile at him. He’s obviously nervous, they both are. “Please come in. How are the two of you doing?”

“We’re ok. It’s a big adjustment but Stark was kind enough to set us up in our own apartment. And we can leave when we wish.” He says. “Who would have thought it was so easy.”

“You see, Tony’s not what he seems. At least not anymore. Will you be staying and working with the team?”

“We don’t know.” Wanda says quietly. “We’re not sure what’s going to happen with us now.”

You look from them to Steve who hasn’t said a word. “Well? Are they going to work with the team or not?”

“He kidnapped you. He should be grateful that he can even walk right now.” Steve snapped, all his anger directed at Pietro.

“Steve, you have to understand them. They thought they were doing the right thing by signing up to fight for a war. Something you can relate to. Besides, they trusted someone who lied to them. Once Pietro and Wanda realized what was going on they were taking care of me. Of us.” You say while placing your hand on your swollen belly.

“We had a plan. We were going to escape.”

“When?”

“We had to be cautious so planning the escape was taking time.” Wanda answers. “But we would have left two days after the day you showed up.”

“We weren’t walking around freely. Wanda and I were prisoners too. We were just to blind by anger to see it. But we promise we only want to help people.”

Steve didn’t look too convinced but you couldn’t blame him. After all, Pietro had been the one to kidnap you. But in some weird way you could understand why they did what they did. You had, afterall, been involved in the project that created the super soldier. Strucker made the Avengers look like villains. It was easy to manipulate the mind of people that were grieving and fighting to live one more day.

“I guess we can figure out how you could help. It’ll be on a trial basis only to begin with.” Steve says after a moment.

Wanda and Pietro smiled before excusing themselves to let you rest. Steve finally relaxed and laid back down next to you.

“Promise me you’ll give them a fair chance.”

“I’ll try.” Steve says. “Honestly, I was trying really hard to not punch him again.”

You laugh and rest your head against his chest. “Don’t worry you’re going to be too busy soon enough to even think about punching Pietro again.”

“We should start thinking about names.” Steve places his hand over your swollen belly once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Woah, where do you think you’re going?” Steve jogged to your side of the bed.

“I need to use the bathroom. Again.”

“Let me help you.” He held his hands out and helped you out of bed.

You were so close to your due date. While you loved the fact that you were going to have a baby with the love of your life, you were also tired of being pregnant.

Everything either ached or was sensitive or was swollen. You were ready to have this baby. It didn’t help that because of the way the first part of the pregnancy went, you were considered high risk. Well that and the fact that you were technically in your late 90s. No one was sure what would happen.

The last few weeks you were meant to be on bed rest. Fortunately Steve had stopped going on missions when you were given this information and he was right by your side to help with whatever you needed.

It was amazing having him close by. All you had to do was call him and he’d be right by your side. He’d been wonderful throughout the rest of the pregnancy. So excited to feel the baby moving under his touch. Steve had already collected a rather large book selection so that he could always read the baby a bedtime story. The two of you read every pregnancy and baby book available in order to be ready. But when your water breaks you feel as unprepared as ever.

“Stevie, honey,” you stop halfway to the bathroom.

“What is it, Sweetheart?”

“I think my water just broke.”

“Oh, uh-ok. It’s fine, you’re fine. We can do this.” Steve is starting to panic. “I have a plan.”

“What’s your plan, Honey?”

“Well, it’s a good one.” He nods but doesn’t move from his place beside you. When you look up at him you can see the worry all over his face. “What if it’s not good enough for you?”

“Honey, I think you’re starting to panic.” You say as calmly as possible.

“No. I’m fine. Really, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“Friday could you please tell Sam, Bucky and Nat that I need them here asap tell them it’s code Baby.”

“Of course Ms. Y/L/N.”

A few minutes later your three friends are rushing through the door.

“Hi guys.”

“Darling, what’s going on? Why does Steve look so pale?” Bucky is the first one at your side.

“Because my water just broke.”

“It’s finally happening.” Sam says excitedly.

“Ok boys, you know the deal. Bucky, take Y/N down to the medbay. I’ll handle your overnight bag and the baby’s bag. Sam, you’re on Steve duty.”

You smile at them before calling Steve’s name one more time. Bucky takes your hand and with the other he supports your back.

“Wait, give me a second.” You mutter while placing a hand over your lower belly. “Uuuhhh.” You whimper a bit.

“That’s the first contraction.”

“Contraction?” Steve finally snaps out of whatever it is he’s going through and stands beside you again.

“How much did it hurt?” Bucky asks.

“Enough, they’re only going to get worse.”

“Let’s get you downstairs then.” Steve offers his arm and they both walk you down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After hours of waiting and worries and pain. Steve at your side catering to your every need. The team in the waiting room anxiously wanting to hear the good news.

You had a healthy baby boy.

He was perfect and you knew he’d take after Steve in his looks but you didn’t care. Now there would be a mini version of the man you loved running around and you couldn’t be happier. Steve stared down at his son in awe. He was sitting in the hospital bed next to you as you cradled the infant in your arms. Both of you were enthralled by his tiny existence.

“He’s perfect.” You murmur while running your finger from the bridge of his nose to the tip, booping his little button nose.

“I never thought I would love anyone as much as I do but I feel like my heart is going to explode every time I look at him.”

“Me too.” You agree with Steve.

“I love you, thank you for giving me our son. Thank you for everything. I don’t think I could ever give back what you’ve given me.” Steve says before kissing your temple. “But I hope I can try and repay you the rest of my life, if you let me.”

“What are you talking about?”

You turn as you feel Steve shuffle off the bed and kneel beside it. When you look down at him he has a beautiful diamond ring in hand.

“Steve…”

“This isn’t how I planned it but I can’t wait anymore. You are everything to me. Even after everything you’ve been through, you’re still the same loving and caring person I met years ago. You’ve given me more than I’ve ever deserved and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Y/N will you marry me?”

You started crying. It wasn’t a cute sort of crying, it was very much an ugly cry but you nodded your head anyway because you couldn’t think of anything better than spending the rest of your life with Steve. He gets up and places the ring on your finger before cupping your face and giving you a sweet, loving and gentle kiss.

“Sweetheart, don’t cry.” Steve tries to wipe away your tears.

“I can’t help it. I’m just so happy and I’m also a mess right now.”

“You just gave birth. You’re allowed to be a mess.”

After a few minutes of Steve giving you hugs, reassuring words and kisses you finally calm down.

“We still have to name him. And let the team in.” You say.

“I think I have a name but tell me what you think.”

The team shuffled in one by one, after you freshened up of course. All of them were excited to meet the newest addition to the family. Sam and Bucky of course bickering about who would hold the baby first.

“Boys, that’s enough.” You say and they quiet down.

Everyone’s eyes are on the little sleeping form in your arms.

“Everyone, we'd like you to officially meet our son.” Steve says while standing beside you.

“What’s his name?”

“We decided to name him after a very dear friend and the reason we met in the first place.” Steve says fondly while looking down at you. “Everyone meet James Abraham Rogers.”

Bucky stared at the two of you in shock. You could only smile.

“Would you like to hold him, Buck?”

“Are you sure? I mean-” Bucky motions towards his left arm.

“We trust you.”

With tears in his eyes Bucky walks over and lets you place the baby in his arms. He’ll never admit to it but he’d been practicing how to hold babies by using a stuffie. “Hi buddy, I’m your Uncle Bucky.”

Slowly everyone eventually got a chance to hold the baby. Sam and Bucky were still bickering who would be little James’ favorite uncle. Now though Bucky was able to use the fact that James had been named after him. Steve had to stop the arguing a few times. As Wanda handed you the baby back she noticed your ring.

“You’re engaged? When did this happen?”

Steve tells them the story and how it happened only moments before they walked in. Everyone congratulates you on the baby and the engagement before leaving you alone. It was good timing because James was starting to get fussy. You and Steve got to work on changing his diaper and getting him fed.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Being new parents was a whole new challenge for the both of you. All of the parenting books couldn’t help you to change what felt like the thousandth diaper of the day. But you nor Steve would change it for the world. It was exhausting but rewarding.

Seeing Steve step into fatherhood was the most beautiful thing ever. With everything he did there was so much care and thought put into it. He was still a loving, caring and supportive partner which made things better for you and vice versa.

“Need anything Sweetheart?” Steve was walking into your room.

“Could you maybe fluff up my pillow?”

You were currently feeding your son and couldn’t really move around.

“Of course.” Steve stopped at your side and did as you asked before kissing the top of your head. “Better?”

“Much better, thank you.”

“How’s our boy doing with the added ounces?”

“He’s loving it.” You chuckle as you look down at your son. “He’s growing so fast I feel like I can’t keep up.”

“Must be the serum. Are you worried?”

This was always a sore spot for Steve. The possibility of his son being sick or getting sick easily always weighed on him. The fact that little James was so different from other children worried him to no end.

“Absolutely not. His pediatrician said he’s hitting all of the developmental milestones. Our son is healthy, honey. If anything the serum will keep him from getting sick. It’s a good thing.”

“I know.”

“Look at that, he’s all done.” You say while wiping the excess milk from around his mouth. “He’s in a little milk coma.”

“Let me take him so that you can rest.”

You smile at Steve as he grabs your son to immediately start burping him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve was in James’ nursery reading him a bedtime story. He was just about to be six months old. It was odd how time moved so quickly yet slow at the same time. Jamie was so big but still so little. You adored him. You also adored seeing Steve interact with him. They loved each other so much you loved to be around them.

“The end.” Steve said slowly. You stood in the doorway watching Steve close the book and set it down. “Now let’s get you into your crib. I got a date with your mama.”

After Steve had settled James into his crib for the night he met you at the door.

“You look beautiful.” He whispers.

“It feels nice to be dressed up in something other than leggings and t-shirts.”

“Well you pull both looks off very well. Alright sweetheart, I hope you’re ready for our date.” Steve grabs the baby monitor and leaves the door ajar.

Steve silently leads you to the living room which had been transformed. The furniture was pushed out of the way and where the coffee table once sat was a picnic. Fairy lights hung from one side of the room to the other. The tv was gone, leaving the wall blank. Steve remedied that by turning on a projector with a movie already queued up, one you still hadn’t seen.

“This is wonderful.” You smiled as you took a seat on the picnic blanket.

The two of you cuddled and watched the movie while snacking on everything Steve had packed. Steve ended the night by putting on a playlist he had carefully curated for the two of you and dancing.

You had your head against Steve’s chest while he swayed with you. There was no mistaking the dopey grin on your face.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I was just remembering the night you walked me back to my room at boot camp.”

“When you kissed my cheek?”

“Yeah.” Your smile widens.

“Why?”

You pull back to look at him. “You were so cute. I really wanted to drag you into my room with me.”

Steve laughs but his cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

“What? It’s true.”

“You would have given me a heart attack, Sweetheart.”

“Good thing I was a nurse. I would have fixed you right up.”

Steve shakes his head but meets you halfway for a kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

James was a wonderful baby. He was sweet and easy going although he was starting to show his mischievous side, something you blamed completely on Steve. He was also starting to show his strength. Like the time he had a temper tantrum while holding his bottle and crushed it with his little hands. It didn’t matter to you or Steve though, like everything else in your life and relationship you learned and adjusted.

“There’s my best guy.” Steve had just walked into your shared home after being away on a mission. “And my best girl.”

“Hi Honey.” You say from your place on the floor where you’re playing with your almost one year old. He looked so much like Steve it was ridiculous.

“Hi Sweetheart. I missed you both so much.”

“We missed you too.” You grab James and stand him up, turned so that he can see his daddy clearly. “Didn’t we baby.”

James starts doing grabby hands, kicking his feet and babbling when he sees Steve. “Dada. Dada.” James calls out excitedly. You set him on his feet hoping that he’ll finally take his first steps.

“Hi bubs. Were you waiting for me?”

“Dada.” Jamie does grabby hands again as he wobbles on his feet.

“C’mon you can do it. Can you walk over to dada?” Steve kneels and holds out his arms.

You had to put a hand over your mouth to stop the excited scream as Jamie did take his first step. Then another until he managed to get to Steve who picked him up and peppered his face with kisses. Jamie laughed at the feeling of Steve’s scruff against his cheek. You and Steve celebrated this milestone by praising your son endlessly. Eventually Steve sets Jamie down and he starts taking a few more steps. You encourage him to keep going while Steve goes to change. Jamie sees his father leave the room and starts following him slowly.

“What are you doing?” Steve pops out of your shared room. Jamie jumps at the sudden sound of Steve’s voice and falls on his butt. He giggles while getting up again. “Are you following me?”

“Dada.” Jamie nods and points at Steve.

“Alright, help me pick out what I’m going to wear to hang out with you bubs.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Daddy.” Jamie yells when he sees Steve standing at the other end of the aisle. “Hi daddy.”

“Hi bubs. C’mon up here.”

Jamie, uncaring that he’s in his little tux, runs down the aisle and into Steve’s arms earning some laughs from the crowd. Both of them looked handsome in their best clothes. The bridesmaids walk down next followed by the flower girl, Clint’s daughter. Finally you appear, a vision in white, with Bucky at your side to walk you down the aisle.

“Look at mommy. Isn’t she beautiful?” Steve whispers in your son’s ear. They both watch, eyes full of love, as you make your way to them.

“Mommy you look beautiful.” Jamie says as he leans forward and gives you a kiss to the cheek. The guests ‘aww’ as they see the exchange before Steve places your two year old on the ground.

Heartfelt vows are exchanged between you. Tears are shed by both you and Steve as well as some of the guests. When the officiant announces that Steve may now kiss the bride he doesn’t waste another second and pulls you in. Your guests cheer as Steve finally pulls away.

“Mommy. Mommy. I get kisses.” Jamie says from beside you.

“Of course you do, my baby.” You lean down and give him a kiss on the cheek, leaving a red lipstick stain on it.

****

“Presenting for the first time Mr. and Mrs. Rogers.” The DJ announces as you and Steve make your way into the reception. Everyone cheers as you walk in and you head straight to the dance floor to share your first dance. The music began and Steve started leading you.

“Is this-“

“The song we first danced to?” Steve finished your question. “Yes it is.”

“You remembered?”

“How could I forget? You looked beautiful then and you look beautiful now.”

You smile as your cheeks warm at the compliment. Steve dips his head and gives you a quick kiss. When he pulls back you have matching smiles. There’s some tugging on your dress and you see Jamie standing there with his arms in the air.

“Come on, let’s dance with mommy.” Steve says as he holds your son. “Hold her hand.” Steve instructs while placing his free hand back on your waist.

“My two handsome boys.”

James giggles when you boop his nose. Steve instructs him to spin you and he does. When the music ends your guests all cheer for you. Steve escorts you to your table and you take a seat.

After dinner, there’s the speeches. Sam goes first and he manages to give a funny and heartfelt speech. Then Nat spoke, first about meeting Steve and then meeting his better half. She was surprisingly sweet and lovely. Finally it was Bucky’s turn.

“Hello everyone.” He starts off by saying. You could tell how nervous he was and you nodded encouragingly when he looked your way. “Well my name is Bucky and I’m the best man. No one listen to whatever Sam is saying.”

“C’mon man.”

Everyone chuckles at Sam’s outburst.

“I believe you all know that I am Steve’s oldest friend. I was there before the suit and the muscles.”

You took Steve’s hand and squeezed it.

“But what he lacked in physical strength he made up for in determination and passion. That’s how he met his beautiful bride and my dearest friend. Y/N is more than a friend, she’s like a sister and one of the most caring people I know. It’s a great thing to watch two people you care about fall in love. But it’s something so special to watch them love in times of war. And that’s what they did. No two people were ever meant to be, more than Steve and Y/N. Even after decades of being separated they somehow found a way to each other. So let’s all raise a glass and toast to the happy couple. Here’s to many more years of happiness.” Bucky raises his glass along with everyone else and they cheer.

After the speeches were done the party could really begin. You’d changed into a more comfortable dress and headed to the dance floor. Your friends huddled around you and Steve as everyone moved to the music.

At some point in the night Steve managed to pull you out to the balcony of the reception hall you were at. The fresh air felt wonderful after all the dancing you’d been doing.

“What’s going on?” You asked Steve with a teasing tone. “Got tired of sharing me with everyone?”

“Yes I did actually.”

You giggle as you wrap your arms around Steve’s midsection. With a contented sigh you rest your head against his chest, feeling his heart beating way too fast.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes. Just a little nervous.”

You pull back and look at him with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just-I have two gifts for you and I hope you like them.”

“You already got me a gift.” You hold up your wrist to show the bracelet he sent you while you were getting ready that morning.

“What can I say? I like to spoil my girl, my wife.”

You smiled up at him.

“Here is the first gift.” Steve pulls out a piece of paper from his suit pocket and gives it to you.

“What is it?”

“Open it.”

You do as he says and unfold the paper he just gave you. It’s the floor plan to a home. “Did you buy a house?”

“Not just any house. Look at the address.”

“Chicago? Steve-“ you look up at him with wide eyes. “Is this my aunt’s house?”

“It is.”

“Are we moving to Chicago?”

“I mean it’s not Brooklyn but we can if you want. We can visit there whenever you want, you can rent it, sell it.The house is yours for you to do as you please. ”

“I’ll have to think about it. Steve, this house, it…” You didn’t have the words to express how much this house meant to you.

“It was special for me too. I thought we should keep it in the family.”

You hugged the deed to your chest.

“There’s one more thing.” Steve takes a deep breath to ready himself. “I’m officially retiring as Captain America.”

You gasped at the news. There were no words to describe the myriad of emotions you were feeling.

“I know it can’t be easy to accept but I think it’s a step in the right direction for our family.”

You just stared at him with tear filled eyes.

“Please say something. I know you were a part of the program and I don’t want to disappoint you but-“

“Disappoint? Steve this is the best news you could ever give me. Yes Captain America holds a special place in my heart but you’re more important to me than anything. You did your duty. You went through so much already, you deserve to rest. To enjoy time with your son.”

“That’s all I want. I want to be by your side and not miss anything else with Jamie.” Steve replies, the tension in his shoulder melting away. “I’ll still help with recruits and if something major ever happens then of course but other than that I’m just going to have a desk job.”��

“That sounds wonderful. It’s the best gift you could’ve ever given me.”

You grab the lapels of his tux and pull him down, connecting your lips with his in a sweet kiss. The volume of the music coming from inside gets your attention so you pull away.

“Sorry guys, he kept asking for you.” Bucky says as Jamie walks out onto the balcony before heading back inside.

“What if we have another one?” You ask as you watch your son dancing his way towards you.

“We should head out for our honeymoon so we can get started on baby number two then.”

You laugh as Steve kisses your neck. This was perfect. Your family was perfect. From now on you would get to enjoy your life and watch your son grow up along with your husband. You were meant to be together no matter who or what tried to get in your way.

The war was over.

Now there was only love in times of peace.