#but i can’t tell my mom any of that rn bc she’s alone on a ship worrying about her best friend

[killerpancakeburger]

Vent///

This world really fucking hates introverts. Like. Holy shit. Can you let me live?? We can’t ALL be the life of the party or whatever. No I can’t be besties with my 20 coworkers. Who cares. Why does it matter for a JOB!!!! Why can’t it be enough to be polite and amiable!!

And I can’t help but wonder if I get those comments bc Im young and/or a woman?? Cos I have a male coworker twice my age who's even more asocial than me and guess what!! No one harasses him for it!! He even gets his own office, working peacefully! Without the pressure to change his whole personnality or something!!

My boss even somehow tried to psychoanalyze me or something, asking if I was happy rn and how many friends I had in school. Im sorry. How the FUCK is it any of your business????

As if it wasn’t hard enough having to hear my mom ask why I'm *still* not happy/not better mentally. At least I know she asks bc she feels bad for me. But my boss??

Besides that, I feel backstabbed by how she suddenly mentionned needing an accountant, and not an assistant. 3 months ago YOU said I could CHOSE whether I do the training to become one or not?? That NO ONE would be FORCED?? You didnt react when I said no in front of the others, and suddenly you summon me alone in ur office to tell me the opposite?? That either I do your bidding or Im out?? She perfectly knew three months ago that she'd need an accountant, and yet she let me believe for THREE WHOLE MONTHS that I could remain at my current position? That I could get it as a part time and now suddenly I can only get the part time if I get promoted??? When she perfectly knows I need the part time bc of my chronic fatigue????

And despite all this she'll dare to say to my face that I can be honest about everything?? As if shes not gonna be mad if I tell her she strang me along all this time.

I don't want the promotion cos Id rather have less responsabilities/workload bc it allows me to feel less pressured. Also bc the additionnal work isnt interesting imo. But I could consider it ig. *If* I wasnt cornered into it.

She's now basically telling me that I can’t reject the training to get promoted bc I need to try and see if I like it. What kind of reasonning is that...

It's just. I felt like I was finally finding my footing. Only to get kicked down like that.

This isnt helping at all. This doesnt make me wanna fit it, it makes me wanna quit the job and lock myself home forever. Like yeah I know I cant reasonnably hold down a job when I'm absent twice a month and late almost every day, sometimes even by 45 min. I know how it looks. I wasnt always like this. Every day I wish I could go back. Get my health and energy back.

Guess I won't work then. It's a waste of a diploma, but it was naive of me to imagine that companies would be any more understanding of my handicap than university was.

[libra-stellium]

Saturn in the 1H - personal observation

“I raised myself!!” - college me to my aunt after I had moved out lol I lived with her from 6-12th grade and I live in Haiti with my mom before that

When I said that I was responding to her trying to tell me what to do as if she knew better than I did and I KNEW she did not

Looking back I don’t have memories of either my mom or my aunt raising me apart from them just doing the bare minimum like housing, feeding and clothing me. It’s not like they didn’t provide anything else like games but things like morals and values?? I feel like I gave myself those based on what I didn’t like in them. I always clashed so much them both and still do.

I’m 27 now and for the last few years it has honestly felt like I am raising two children and teaching them about the world and it’s a mindfuck bc ????? I’m not even past my saturn return and hadn’t even started it back then but I’m the one who’s been like “you can’t treat people like that it’s not nice” “you should take accountability for your actions” “you should feel supported by your job not burnt out every day” “find things you like to do to make your life fulfilling” idek man but I didn’t get any of that! I got “be obedient” “go to church” “listen to adults” and I did none of that unless I was getting something out of it.

I came to live with my aunt a couple months after my 11th birthday aka my first 1H profection year (well as a conscious person lol) and my aunt never had children so she had no idea what to do or say to me so I was responsible for myself 🤷🏾‍♀️

Even though I didn’t speak English fluently in the first year no one checked my homework! And I ended up doing well in school so from that point on until I graduated law school I never had anyone look over my work before I submitted and I rarely even looked over my own work before submitting. Kinda just saw myself as my own authority

Definitely led to a lot of hyper independence!! But only in things that I deem personal or my personal responsibility. I have no problem asking for help or accepting it at work when they ask me to do something or asking for help if I have to like put my bag up in the plane 😂 but if I’m struggling to keep up with chores? I can literally get angry sometimes like leave my shit alone!! I will do it when I do it!! And it’s like is it really that serious?? Is someone washing these dishes that serious? Absolutely bc are you implying that I’m not on top of every single facet of my life? How dare you! 😭😂

Now that I’m in my saturn return regular things feel so HEAVY and rn I’m just pretending that I don’t know what I need to do 🙂

Anyone else feel the same or have similar stories?

[obervation-subject-753]

(dec 5, 2023) uhhh first rant/venting post on this blog, if you don’t want to hear me rambling about my personal problems, block/don’t look through my tag ‘#subject-753’s scribbles’

so idk if i’m depressed. i’m pretty sure it’s because i don’t have much of a social life.

i realized around end of high school that the only friends i ever had were from school.

up to this day, besides relatives i suppose, i can’t even semi-confidently say that i have one friend. rather, irl friend..like, i know much about them and vice-versa. i haven’t talked with them in months.

i’m not blaming either of my parents for the next blurb i’ll vom out

recently (almost a month later) my mom had a stroke, and she’s home now, recovering well.

i’m the only person that can take care of her basically 24/7. i love my family. i love my mom dad and sibling. i can’t blame any of them for me questioning if i’m in a not-so-great mental state rn

but soon, i’ll be the only person that can stay home with her (my dad will go back to work in a few weeks)

i love my mom and i’ll never blame her for me feeling this way.

i don’t know if it’s because i don’t have much drive for anything (really is a big part of it honestly) or i’m an introvert (not anti-social, just difficult for me to socialize with people i don’t know well)

i just…feel so alone. i know i have a loving and supporting family..but idk if they will be as supporting if i try to explain to them more of the lgbtqia+ community that i’m a part of, bc most of my immediate family are rather ignorant or intolerant of trans, and most likely gay people too.

i. i like to think i’m an honest person. i’m really not. only when i’m alone with myself i say my true opinions and feelings. especially when i’m crying alone in my bed at night, most likely quietly bc i still live with my parents and sibling. i do that too often.

all that accumulates, and makes me not like myself. maybe even not love myself. most likely the latter.

i want to be better, for myself and others..but living and life is just so hard. most likely because i’m not trying enough bc i think i don’t deserve it or i don’t think a world like this is worth living in.

no i never attempted to harm myself, but i have thought of what possible painless ways to go.

yeah i’ve been thinking about all this for a few (7/8? years?) years…and i really don’t know if i can ever stop quietly cry in my room or feel comfortable enough to tell my close and loved ones that i feel and think this way.

fandoms i’m in help me cope, but also heavily reminds me of my personal problems. a double-edged sword if you will.

i confide in fictional characters for comfort. that’s just sad. i know they’re all fake and i’ll never be able to truly get to know them like i want to. they’re all fake. not in the reality i live in.

the reason why i’m only now making these feelings and thoughts of mine known, i think is because now i have even less of a chance to tell someone close to me. my family’s going though a hard time adjusting and dealing with the recent event with my mom, and i need to stay relatively strong for them. but i do know that we care about the well-being of each other.

i really want to have a genuine, not forced, relationship with someone. i really don’t want to burden my family with what i’m going through. tumblr and games and fanfiction have been such a break for me from my real life. not to say that social media and entertainment don’t bring up real life problems and how to deal/solve them, some thankfully successfully do, but there’s only so much we can do.

life can easily be cut short. i don’t want to live like i’m trudging though the mud, nor do i want to life completely carelessly…i’d like to live a nice life where i helped people.

especially a life where i somewhat helped myself.

[forestofmemories]

just broke my own heart into a thousand pieces bc i had a Thought watching the aether arc and i can’t do this alone so lusamine is being controlled by nihilego and since the kids are trying to get her back she’s visibly upset by this and tells the group that she hates them (or lillie? since she was the first one to try and separate lusamine from nihilego with shiron’s powder snow) and so mao’s the one who quickly reacts to that outburst (bc lillie repeats lusamine’s words to herself in disbelief) and reminds lillie that she shouldn’t listen to what she’s saying bc lusamine doesn’t mean any of that rn as she’s not herself- but what if she says that too bc as of that episode that’s the very last thing mao herself ever said to her mom.... and she doesn’t want lillie to remember those words as the last thing her mother could potentially ever say to her (assuming they couldn’t get lusamine back)

[hyunverse]

ooooo that’s nice !!! currently doing my chores listening to music as well, we’re twinning how cute ^_^. kimchi ramen sounds so good rn 😩. i had our fave for breakfast, sushiiiiii!!! i got cucumber avocado bc they had no salmon and it was delishhhh. call me angel again and watch me sob <///3. you’re too cute it hurts my heart, KISSESSSS 💗💗. i rly do love your writing and the angst just hits every time. so i am very much looking forward to wtvr comes out next hehe

OMFG PLS DO ASSIGN THEM MYTHOLOGY TALES I WILL LOSE MY MINDDDDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you do it my one request will be the sirens story when the sirens lured the sailors into dying LMAO that would be so perfect w any of them. danceracha perhaps ???that’s my fave mythology tale tho 😋😋. what’s yours? i’m curious ^_^

yep yep yep you get it ! it’s too tempting. i will forever say that money does in fact buy happiness bc money provides me w everything that makes me happy so 😇. and it really is always thursday’s 😭. my mom was just being rly unkind and stuff <////3. im pretty used to it atp but for some reason everything she was saying was just like ouchhhhhh yk ?? i’m slowly getting over it tho until the next event happens lol 🙏🏼 thank you for being here for me love :((. just talking to you and reading your stuff makes me so happy. it’s nice to know someone cares about what i have to say so i rly enjoy interacting w you :)) AND skz comeback rly helps pull through LOL, i agree they’re all doing these comebacks too fast bc what about our bank accounts skz 💔💔💔

MINHO PICSSSS grrrr i adore you 😠😠. he’s so cute that just made me smile sm ily :(( but yes new rachavlog had me smiling NONSTOP through the whole video, seeing them happy and seeing chan relax for once just makes my heart full. hyunjins outfit ALONE was so bf. and him taking over the cooking and all that at the restaurant ??? HUSBAND ENERGYYYYYYYYY he is so boyfie. tempted to write hyunjin fluff lately bc he’s just so dreamy and it makes me insane 😇😇

- 🐈‍⬛ the spamming has began again pls forgive 😔🙏🏼 hugs hugs hugs

kimchi ramen always!!! either that or the buldak ramen. god i’ve been eating instant noodles daily due to the fact that it’s ramadan and the campus cafes are closed </3 on my period rn so i can’t fast hehe. maybe i shud order some real food tmr instead zzzz. sushi sounds so good rn 😭 if only there were sushi restaurants near my campus, i would order some tomorrow ☹️ but there aren’t ☹️ dislike living in a small village, i can’t cope!!!

i will call you my angel all the time then because you are indeed my angel <3 the angel-est of them all!! truly!! sneak peek: another drabble of mine will be based on the musical tick tick boom!! angst <3 again <3

wait idk the sailor myth that ure talking abt omg 💔 will look up into it 🤝 mmm lemme try assigning them myths... i feel like the tale of orpheus and eurydice gives off so much hyunjin. being deeply in love and being overtaken by despair just feels hyunjin, yk? that’s all i could think of rn T_T my fav myth is the entire the iliad story!! it’s so interesting to me. i think achilles is a very interesting character. huge angst potential too.

naw, baby :( ‘m sorry to hear that. sending u affection to compensate for the unkind words. you’re absolutely perfect the way you are, and ‘m proud of you!! thank you for merely existing, and i’m proud that you’re doing the best you could right now. you deserve so many good things ♡ i haven’t even met you or known you deeply but just by the things we’ve talked about, i can tell that you’re an incredible individual. you’re attentive, a great mood-maker, a joy to be around and kind. you make my days brighter. thank you for sticking around ♡

i’m planning to preorder for their next comeback (we are looking past my sad bank account) so ngl hopefully it’s not anytime too soon LOLLLL. maybe after eid bcs i’ll have eid money by then 😈 i’ll be free to spend money on their albums LOL.

and i adore you too, my angel!! pls write the hyune fluff i am on my knees begging 🙏 hyune fluff supremacy!! yes his outfit was so boyfriend <3 i loved seeing all of them unwind. the way jisung bowled too like he fr rolled the ball down </3 sucha jisung thing to do. i wanna go to a barbecue with hyunjin just to sit still look pretty and let him do the cooking 🧘‍♀ he looks so hubby that way. imagine going to a hotpot place with him too OHHH I’M DELUSIONAL ‼️

i adore the spamming so don’t u worry my love!!! kisses and hugs for u angel <333

[dreamofbecoming]

i love my mom to bits, she’s the best person i know, and despite her penchant for naturopathy and homeopathic medicine, she’s very pragmatic about scientific and medical consensus and also nearly as leftist as i am, but sometimes i want to shake her by the shoulders and be like hello!!! you know better!! what are you doing!!!

all this to say that she’s currently on a cruise with her best friend despite knowing that cruises are disease factories at the best of times and also that covid is extremely still a thing (she’s good about masking and only goes out when necessary still so i was shocked when she said she’d booked it) and now, inevitably, her best friend has covid and they’re both quarantined in their rooms on the ship and i’m just like ????? 🤦🏻😤🫥

[equallyshaw]

Insta edit: the m series featuring cale makar.

Story Masterlist: 8 parts.

Can be read as a stand-alone, fyi: the main character has a physical disability so that is a huge factor in some of these posts.

—

-

@elizajames has posted to private story: so incredibly proud of you my kale, you deserve this so much and am so grateful to be spending the day with you and your loved ones. Let’s go have some fun🍾🍾

-

@calemakar has posted to private story: showing her around BC. 🤍

-

-

@elizajames: NHLPA, Thankyou for this opportunity! My heart is so full, knowing that all my hard word and dedication has paid off. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d get to this point. S/out to the @/coloradoavalanhe for everything this past year and a half. To my crew, I wouldn’t have been able to navigate this world without you guys. (Also, Naz and Burky please come visit soon!) to Becca, my closest confidants, biggest cheerleader and sister, couldn’t have done it without you. To my partner, Thankyou for being with me this past year and a half, you have done so much more than you realize. Incredibly grateful for the love and kindness you show me each day. Finally, my fellow warriors and supporters who have become a community over these past few years- THANKYOU!!! We did it yall!!! We took a big step!

690 likes, 200 comments

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@becaaaa: my sweet sweet honey, so glad I’ve been in this ride with you. Only up from here ! 🤍🤍

@becaaaa: also crying in the club

@nathanmackinnon: strongest person I know James, so deserved.

↳ @elizajames: Thankyou Nate, appreciate you so much (:

@gabriellandeskog: queen shit

@gabriellandeskog: !!!!! Nobody else deserved this— congrats !

↳ @elizajames: 🥺 Thankyou gabe! See you and Mel soon!

@ericsmith: go bestie go bestie go

↳ @elizajames: 🤪🤪 thanku for being the best date !

↳ @ericsmith: hahahaha c is quaking rn

@calemakar: congratulations, very deserved.

@elizajames: 🤍🤍

@/coloradoavalanche: we are so grateful for you and what you have done for our organization, this award was meant for you! Congratulations 🍾

-

@calemakar: E, can’t wait to spend the rest of my life showing how much I love you. ❤️ @elizajames

45k likes, 1.2k comments

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@gabriellandeskog: FINALLY

@gabriellandeskog: congrats you two!

@nathanmackinnon: congrats guys! Can’t wait to be the best man

↳ @taylormakar: get in line buddy

↳ @6erikjohnson: yeah get in line

↳ @gabriellandeskog: you are literally at the bottom of the list lol

@becaaaa: 🥹🥹 never forget my ability to make you incapable of playing hockey

↳ @calemakar: nope! Will never forget

@elizajames: can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together…just need a dog first

↳ @taylormakar: I vote for first !!!

-

@elizajames: engaged to my best friend 🤍

899 likes, 124 comments

-

1 year after wedding. Year, 2025

@calemakar: we have a new edition to the Makar coming in just a few months…couldn’t be more proud of you my love. Day after day you amaze me with your unwavering strength and faith in your body - despite any setbacks or pain. Our little one has no idea yet, just how incredibly lucky they are to have you as their mum. 🤍

Tag: Elizamakar

65k likes, 3.2k comments.

@becaaaa: hey it’s mom not ‘mum’

@calemakar: tell that to Nate

@nathanmackinnon: oh yeah, tried to explain for ten minutes and she said no. Our kids won’t be saying ‘Mum’

||

@elizamakar: incredibly amazed everyday that this is real life. I always said that I would never have kids because I felt as though I couldn’t be a great mom physically, but emotionally I would be the best mom. And the only way I’d have kids, is if I found the right partner. Cale, I found that in you. Thankyou for allowing my secret dream to come true 🫶🏻

1.4k likes, 144 comments

||

@becaaaa: oh Thankgod this secret is out. I thought I’d reveal it

@gabelandeskog: yeah, I’m shocked you kept it this long lol

@calemakar: anything for you 🤍

finally getting this out...this has been in my drafts for three months lol but hope you guys enjoyed :)

Tag: @fallinallincurls

[blueeyedheizer]

1.6k celebration - blurb event

rules

you can send up to two prompts

the list is kind of long because I will only use each prompts once. this is the main difference with my previous blurb events! first come first serve kinda :)

please do not mass request <3 and finally please please pleeeease bear with me and my slowness. i'm still struggling to write rn so like. uh. yeah. be patient 😭

characters:

-matt, matthew connellly

-michael gray, j cody

-seb jacobs, frank mccullen, four

-cassie howard, pippa

-eddie munson, chrissy cunningham (no smut)

(i'll be privileging requests for sydney and stranger things bc I wanna write more for them — but feel free to request for whoever you want from the list :))

prompts:

#1 "Just shut up! I'm not as fragile as you think I am, I don't need protecting!"

#2 "This is a one time thing”

#3 “bend over the desk”

#4 “I guess I’ll just get off all by myself then”

#5 "you shouldn’t be alone right now.  i’ll take the couch,  it’ll be fine."

#6 "well, i can think of some ways to wear you out. 

#7 "i didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

#8 "i'll never forget you."

#9 "Don't go [on that date/mission/business trip/ to *destination*...]." "Why?" "You know why."

#10 “i want to taste you”

#11 “my mom/dad adores you.”

#12 "babe, you can barely keep your eyes open...let's go."

#13 “touch me and you lose”

#14 “When we get home I’m cuffing you to the bed and going down on you all night until my jaw is sore.”

#15 "man, fuck that guy. go show her what she’s missing. “

#17 “tell me that there was some truth to it.” “...come on. i don’t want to do this.” “tell me it wasn’t all in my fucking head, [name].”

#18 “stop— stop talking!” “why? you can’t even face your own mistake?”

#19 "I don’t want you to be alone tonight and honestly, I don’t really want to be alone either.”

#20 "I'm really not in the mood." "You never are."

#21 "I love you."

#22 “y'know, i was hoping to make a sandwich but seeing as you're here already, wearing that, i'd rather have something else to eat.”

#23 "I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy." "don't ever say that...you made me so happy."

#24 "that’s the sixth time you’ve complimented me today.”

#25 "I'd hold onto something if I were you."

#26 "You don’t love me anymore, do you?”

#27 “I wonder what your girlfriend/boyfriend would do if they knew what you were doing right now.”

#28 “You're so beautiful.”

#29 "It’s really hard seeing you/him/her with him/her everyday.”

#30 “There will always be a part of you that wishes you could be with him/her."

#31 "she’s everything i ever wanted, but i don’t want to risk losing her as a friend."

#32 "look, i don't know if i’m the kind of person you need or even want right now. but i’m looking around and i’m the only one who’s here.

#33 "If I never see you again, just know that I love you so, so much.”

#34 "We've been by each other's sides for years, you think I'm gonna leave now?"

#35 "did you fake it?"

#36 "i heard what you said...no one's ever talked about me that way before.."

#37 "i asked if you were having a party. i didn’t tell you to have a party.

#38 "If you die, I’m going to kill you"

#39 "You’ve got thirty seconds to explain to me what you’re doing here."

#40 "It’s amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.”

#41 "What do you got?” "Uh...A headache.”

#42 ”Are you alright?” “I will be.”

#43 ''you only call me when you want to hook-up.'' '' that was part of the agreement, wasn't it? ''

#44 "We're in public you know." “I really don’t care, you look hot and I’m trying not to fuck you senseless right now”

#45 “I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one will notice”

#46 Think anyone will notice if I start fingering you right now?”

#47 "you're an idiot" / "but i'm your idiot"

#48 "Look...I know we broke up, but you know that you aren't any less important to me now, right?"

#49 "Spread your legs."

#50 "You're perfect... everything about you is perfect"

#51 "One more word out of you and I’ll bend you over the table and fuck you in front of everyone”

#O you can also suggest a prompt from my previous prompt lists :)

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

I’m keeping a log of my thoughts whilst reading The Half Life of Valery K for the first time because I think it’ll be fun, enjoy (and, of course, beware the spoilers ahead):

- HE’S A NERD YOUR HONOUR HE HAS A LIL PET RAT!!! NAMED BORIS!!! BE STILL MY HEART-

- “…he wasn’t in the habit of looking gift rats in the mouth” MS PULLEY YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN WITH THE LOVABLE WEIRDO

- “…but lately he could feel his mind effervescing” ok Edward Cullen

- so he’s in a cold place losing his memories and forgetting how to think properly…inch resting… my theory brain is working overtime as you can tell (definitely gonna read this one back to myself and cringe at how stupid it sounds but that’s a problem for future me)

- STOP PLS HE GAVE HIS BUNKMATE BORIS TO HOLD BC HE DIDN’T WANT HIM TO BE ALONE THIS SWEET LITTLE MAN

- I am. 2 pages in. And I’m already in love with Valery. Finally, a pulleyverse main character who isn’t a cynical little prick off the bat. Not that I don’t love the others, but I’ve adopted Valery as my son so-

- Wait what’s this fucking tattoo, is it gonna be a good addition to my future pulleyverse sleeve??? (Edit: oh absolutely not that is a real life gang symbolism-)

- I would absolutely make a cigarette out of a cheese ad

- What or who tf is the Vory??? A gang??? A guard system??? Just one guard??? I’m intrigued. This is why Ms. Pulley’s use of paragraph indents is brilliant, because it actually DOES something; most contemporary authors I’ve read do it like every other page and it’s a pet peeve of mine

- Fun fact: my orchestra teacher all throughout high school lived in soviet Russia and served in their military for a while bc it was required by law, but he’s such a sweet guy and I can’t imagine him being as rough and ruthless as these fuckin guards, holy hell-

- WAIT IS VALERY ABOUT TO GO SUPER SAIYAN ON THIS BITCH OH F U C K YEAH

- Oh no he’s just doing mind tricks god damnit. Still, very cool he can keep his composure like that, very much like Joe could, and I really liked that about him so it’ll be cool to see in Valery

- THE WINTER KING THE WINTER KING THE WINTER KING THE W-

- THEORY BRAIN GOING ABSOLUTELY CRAZY RN!!!

- “But if someone complained about normal life, the overwhelming human instinct was to kick them in the head” if that isn’t me every day at work idk what is-

- I feel like the idea of the world and circumstances making a person “small” (to quote twofs) is a big thing with pulleyverse mc’s but it’s very interesting with Valery bc he seems the most optimistic about it. Idk, it’s just a funky lil thing I noticed, maybe I’ll make another post fleshing out my ideas about all four main characters at some point but for now I’ll leave it there

- Fucking FINALLY, a decent description of the mc off the bat!!! Only took 7 years-

- The specific lack of quotations around “Remember you like doing that, remember how satisfying it is when the ice breaks?” is so fucking interesting, it’s like someone else telling it to him instead of himself that, and it’s an odd place to have a break in the narration style unless it’s purposeful which of course it must be. That is another hallmark of Ms. Pulley’s writing that I just love, the way she can speak and create meaning in the style of the narration, it’s so unique to her works and so so s o fun to read

- Y’know it just dawned on me that Valery is very similar to Linus from The House in the Cerulean Sea

- Ooo chapter titles

- Nice and accurate portrayal of Russian driving skills (from someone who has been cut off while driving on multiple occasions by my Russian orchestra teacher)

- What in the fuckin dystopia is this town-

- Lord knows I am not Grace Carrow’s biggest fan, but her research in ether studies was the precursor to atomic theory, and I’m definitely going to feel like a proud mom if they mention the works of Dr. Carrow at any point in Valery’s research stuff. I have a love-hate relationship with her.

- “…something odd and dead about the lake” INCH. RESTING.

- I’m so intrigued by this dude and his sketchy past and I’m so glad it’s written this way but I’d pay serious money to figure out wtf is going on right this second

- I have a terrible habit of reading the last page of a book when I get antsy — which actually almost caused me to dnf the watchmaker the first time I read it — and I don’t wanna do that but it the urge is there

- Valery…buddy…the first thing you notice about a guy who may or may not kill you is the fact that he’s tall, dark, and handsome??? Really??? Yknow what he’s been in prison for 6 years he deserves it I’m gonna stop shitting on him

- THE LIGHTHOUSE??? I N C H . R E S T I N G .

- This man is autistic I’ve decided

- Pls let Elena and Ilenko be gfs I beg of you Ms. Pulley-

- Valery mathing in his head for a solid page and a half is both adorable and very helpful

- Damn okay Elena I was rooting for you a lil bit but clearly she knows something weird is going on and she’s just being a bitch about it (I’m getting defensive about her being passive aggressive to Valery excuse me)

- Call me crazy but like I’m 95% sure the scientists are also being experimented on. The cheese thing reminded me too much of feeding lab rats for good behaviour.

- I trust tf out of Ilenko now, she’s mean but she’s honest and I like it. Reminds me of Takiko.

- The room is bugged. I know it, you know it, we all know it. Bc they’re being experimented on. There’s no way they’re not.

- SHUT UP BC IF THEY’RE ACTUALLY HANDING OUT MORI’S WATCHES I’M GONNA CRY-

- Shenkov gives me very much Missouri Kite vibes. He clearly knows something more than he’s saying, and likely already has a soft spot for Valery somehow (which I do too but like. I’m reading inside his head so it’s a bit different)

- I’m seriously going to go insane with all the minute references to her other works. Like. It’s totally plausible that someone thinks of Peru first out of every South American country, but is it really a coincidence??? Really??? Especially after tlfop mentioned it so pointedly??? I’m gonna have to start wearing a tinfoil hat at some point.

- The fucking telescope thing I’m going to go nuts-

- Okay back on my comparing the pulleyverse mc’s bullshit, they all have a particular area of observational expertise, and Valery’s seems to be in logistics which is very fun

- Valery’s immediate switch from feeling safe and scared of it to being aware of imminent danger and comfortable with it will never not make me sad

- Why isn’t Ilenko there. Where is my girl.

- Finally in a time period where it’s normal-ish to recognise and call out racist shit hell yeah

- Absolutely love Valery and Shenkov’s dynamic so far, plus the way he interacts with the students is so fucking funny compared to how he interacts with everyone else

- I notice my observations getting less and less frequent the more I get wrapped up in this book, which is impressive considering I’m barely 70 pages in

- Am I crazy or do the radiated mice sound very similar to the people sent to New Bedlam??? Maybe the whole place was built specifically as a quarantine for radiation damage??? Inch. Resting. (definitely not true but a fun theory)

- DAMNIT THEY SHOT MY GIRL!!! FUCK!!! At least Elena is being less of a bitch

- He’s excited about his eyeball jar 🥺🥺🥺 and he is absolutely correct about the medical schools

- Ohoho his devious bastard side is showing now, immaculate

- “He loved children, but he knew he’d never have any” is this bc he’s queer or because of some sad secret medical thing??? Or both???

- …I’m sorry doctor W H O ? ? ? NOT THE FUCKING NAZI BLOOD PURIST WHO PERFORMED HORRIFYING GENETICS TESTS ON CHILDREN??? SURELY NOT??? RIGHT???

- This is…wow…I’m so glad Ms. Pulley made even the obvious bad guy recognise that human experiments and eugenics are inarguably awful but Jesus C h r i s t -

- “…he should not have trusted Shenkov to be above board purely because he thought the man was fascinating” sir you’re going to fall in love with him-

- HHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEMB

- Shenkov…buddy…stop being so incredibly endearing…istg…

- “He was in no state to cope with kindness” :(

- “He was going to have to avoid Shenkov as much as he could, at least until the triple shot had worn off” :((((((((((

- “…felt as though something Artic had come to look at him” ooo inch resting inch resting, very Winter King-esque

- Valery is such a genuinely nice dude who understands the reasons people do science I love him sm

- What is with these tattoos man I need descriptions!!! I wanna know!!!

- STOP PLS HE TELLS JOKES TO THE PEOPLE WHO BUGGED HIS ROOM THAT’S SO CUTE-

- God al-fucking-mighty I love this man. He really said “…don’t you find usually that the people who are most worried about seeming effeminate are the ones with a permanent Friday-evening appointment with a sailor?” I can’t-

- H e l l yeah Shenkov chapter!!! Oh wait no he had his ribs broken oh no-

- Wow there is some brilliant sensory descriptions from Shenkov, which is like. Oddly reminiscent of reading a chapter in Thaniel’s pov. I’m choosing to interpret this as him having sensory issues bc I think it’s fun, but either way it’s fantastic writing

- AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING WINTER KING, WHAT THE F U C K (also Shenkov and his kids are adorable)

- I am a big fan of Ms. Pulley making her female characters tough and morally grey as like a fuck you to the stereotypes but would it kill her to write a female character who isn’t borderline sociopathic??? Would it??? Bc I don’t know many people who can deal with 3 miscarriages, and potentially a fourth, and not feel any specific way about it

- “People think science is all specialists and expensive stuff, but it’s mostly made of kitchen rolls and fridge magnets and we just spray it black when anyone with a news crew turns up” absolutely love that

- Who tf is the medical doctor she seems cool af

- “I’m a funny harmless little science elf, people tell me things” F E L T

- Awweee cute winter-y description of Shenkov but ooo the “bonfires in the forest” thing is sus to me

- I like Nanya, she means business and doesn’t take any shit. T h a t ‘ s a good way to write a strong female character

- OH FUCK THE TRUTH ABOUT ELENA IS COMING OUT!!!

- He really said “I’m gonna be in prison for 10 years. Wanna play hangman?” Absolutely love this fucking nerd

- Oh my god I fucking love the octopus he’s so CUTE!!! And the way Valery just gets him bc he wants to!!! And the way the octopus is so protective of him!!! Ugh I adore him

- “How much more qualified do you want me to be?” GET HIS ASS VALERY!!! I’d pay serious money to see him interact with that phd guy he supposedly annihilated

- “Surely there were things even KGB agents didn’t want to hear.” MY GUY-

- I keep mistyping KGB as LGB and I think that is mildly hilarious

- Valery as a teacher is. Fantastic. Like genuinely such a good teacher. I know Ms. Pulley is a professor herself so I’m sure she’s a fantastic teacher too and that makes me happy

- …I may have misjudge Anna-

- I feel like if a pulleyverse man is going to be married to a woman (for more than like a day at least) she legally has to be the coolest person on the planet

- Oh my fucking g o d the gaslighting from Elena and the director is driving me NUTS

- I KNEW IT!!! I FUCKIN K N E W THOSE RANDOM “VOLCANIC” EXPLOSIONS WERE WEIRD!!! ANNA YOU BRILLIANT BASTARD!!! If she turns out to be a shitty person I WILL be crying myself to sleep

- Valera Valera Valera Valera Valera Valera Va-

- Brb putting my fOOT THROUGH THIS BOOK ISTG-

- THE ASYLUM??? UM???

- Very excited to add more to my analysis on asylums from that one post I made a bit ago even though I haven’t read the chapter yet, but I think it’s very cool that she’s adding that element into this book as well

- Every time the Winter King is mentioned/alluded to my ears perk up like a dog

- “My tools of the patriarchy are getting too long.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Okay I got too wrapped up in the rest of it to finish this but final thoughts:

- I fucking. Love Valery. So much. He’s such a sweet little man but also a complete bastard who blows people up and it’s genuinely the best character combination I can think of

- Shenkov is a gentle giant and I would give him my first born in a heartbeat (bc he would take fantastic care of them)

- Sincerely misjudged Anna at first and I regret it sorely, she is perhaps my favourite side character in the whole book

- I love the ending as well, it wraps up in the same way twofs does; could be a happy enough ending, but with enough unfinished business to make a good transition into a sequel, and I would be absolutely thrilled to have a sequel

- All in all, fantastic book, 10/10, will absolutely be recommending it to anyone who will listen

[f1nalboys]

tcm 2022 spoilers under the cut or whatever

- damn they rlly killed virginia 🧍🏼‍♀️ also i don’t like how they’re trying to frame dante wanting the flag down as evil :/ like ……………

- mel is so fucking annoying i’m sorry pls tell me she gets some type of character development bc rn i can’t stand her

-ooooh BUBBA JUST ANAPPED HIS FUCKING ARM IN HALFFFFFAND THEN STABBED HIM W THE BONE PLS!!!!! king <3

-ok i kinda like richter 😝 he’s a dick “i’m a texan.” pls fuck me

-sorry i was hacked

-nvm why is he giving this little girl a semi automatic rifle?????? especially when he now knows she fucking got shot in school?????? man ur dumb

-i literally don’t know the blonde girls name lol

-he’s wearing his mommas face how sweet

-richter is a lil cunt heheh but i understand heheh

-old lady sally is SEXY ngl

-love the little throwback to the og house hehehe

-see i’m literally just rooting for bubba again 🤷‍♀️ feels like that’s how i am in all the tcm movies besides maybe 2 bc i love stretch

-tell me they did not kick her out of her own fucking house PLSSSS

-THEY DID

-CUNTS! i hope bubba destroys these mfs!

-rip dante i guess, cant say i loved him

-i hate that mel isn’t gonna die soon i want her DEAD! NOW

-i like the twist on the old lady mask being his moms face tbh, i also feel so BAD for him rn man…

-ok since he was at the orphanage does that mean he was a child during the first movie??? bc that does make any sense to me……maybe i just don’t know timelines and i’m getting confused

-how is dante still alive lol

-short lived but now we got sexy hick richter on the case (next to die surely)

-fighting the urge once again to just go on wikipedia and read the plot but that’s on me

-CHAINSAW TIME BABEY!!!!!

-NOT HIS LEG GOING LITERALLY IN HALF SIDNIWHDHWJDH

-damn he was alive for such a short amount of time

-hate hate hate the cgi blood and gore lol

-SEXY SALLY

-why didn’t mel take richters gun? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

-LFNIWBDJSJEHE HE RLLT THREW RGAT FYCJUNG THING AT HER

-i love when a person is u der the killer and u can see the killers footsteps and shit idk why but it’s so cool

-is the sludge on her gonna be important

-just found out her name is lila LMFAO we literally have half an hour left in the movie idk how i feel abt it

-decapitation time

-‘u try anything ur cancelled bro’ HEJDISNDKNWDKJWJDJWJDJSJ this movies fantastic

-hehe man got cut in half

-aw this is reminding her of the shooting from school :( this is so sad

-lila best character besides bubba and richter

-you’d think someone would try, idk, breaking the fucking bus windows glass?

-or OPENING IT LIKE COME ON GUYS UR ALL FUCKING STUPID

-melody is so aggravating i’m serious y’all

-SALLYYYYYYYYYYYYY

-sally is so crazy i want her carnally

-she’s gonna die ain’t she :(

-i’ll admit whoever is playing mel sure can scream she’s got the final girl scream and cry on lock down fr

-aw bubba just misses his mom :(

-holy shit he’s huge i didn’t realize how big he was

-sally just shoot him pls like ????

-ok as long as he leaves her alone <3

-he can kill the others idc

-SALLY LAUGHING WHILE SHOOTING HIM

-bad fucking ass

-she’s totally dead isn’t she

-she was giving nubbins fr

-CAN TGEY HELP HER

-OH GOD DAMN IT

-HES CUTTING HER IN FUCKING HALF AND NOW THEY WANNA TRY TO HIT HIM W THE CAR

-fucking idiots

-sally’s like god damn it. i gave them my car and they fucked it up

-is melody gonna die <3

-lila is gonna shoot him or something

-lets go lila!!!!!!!!!!

-ok she’s actually so fucking stupid i’m serious lol

-rip a baddie :/

-the only person who deserves to kill bubba is sally 😐

-we all know they’re not gonna kill him bc more sequels bae!!!!

-these last 30 minutes have somehow felt longer than the entirety of the rest of the movie. like more has happened in 15 mins than the first hour

-what’s crazy is bubba legit wouldn’t have killed anyone if they didn’t kill his mom LMAO

-HELP HE TACKLED HER LIKE A LINEBACKER

-lila why would u stop fucking moving that’s so stupid

-HELP MEL IS ON HIS BACK LIKE A MONKEY FIENIDNWIDJ

-damnnn melody rlly gave him a lil uppercut w the chainsaw

-cant say how happy i am they didn’t make bubba skinny <3

-how is mel walking like a normal person after that also u wouldn’t be able to pry that fucking gun out of my hand empty or not

-the sun roof? rlly? lol

-HELOFNSJDBJSJSJSJD HE RLLY CUT HER FUCKING HEAD OFF LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

-girl boss bubba!!!!

-AHHH the og house <3

-hm. ok so i have mixed feelings.

i’ll make a post w the pros and cons in another post hehe

[dastardlydandelion]

So...what kind of horror movie would you write featuring the Hargrove/ Mayfield family? (That you haven't written already lol)

oh boy, u may regret asking me this bc i am indecisive af and i can’t pick just one!

two that i'm actually writing are max as (g is for) ghostface killer in the abcs of neil’s death and also the max + tory nichols werewolf movie fic outlined here. also some more misc gorror junk bc i’m a demon and esp horny for susan wearing blood splatter. but more ideas commence below:

horror movie #1: another creature feature! awhile back @lucdarling sent me an ask abt max + billy hiding smth from susan and her like, playing along, pretending she doesn't know, and one of the scenarios that popped in my head was them keeping a baby bat as a pet. max finds it and she’s only like six or seven, and she thinks it’s going to turn into a vampire. so here is that scenario except horror edition: baby bat is actually a vampire type creature. not rly a vampire like, what’s prolly popping into ur head, like an undead human like dracula or smth, but like a bat monster that sucks blood.

billy being a lil older doesn’t actually think the bat is going to turn into a vampire. he makes fun of max for believing this, but he helps her take care of it anyway bc he thinks it’s cool. susan, like in the non-horror version, knows abt the bat but plays dumb bc she’s feeling a lot of guilt abt max’s difficulty adjusting to the blended fam (as of rn tho, neil has yet to reveal his abusive nature. the red flags are not yet red, more of a brownish maroon, and he is on his best behavior almost all the time, showering susan + max with affection and keeping the swears out of his mouth when he scolds billy in front of them) and knows the lil furry baby makes her happy. she tacitly cleans up after the bat whenever the kids miss a spot (bats poop a lot, dude) and distracts neil, deterring him from discovering it whenever he gets close.

baby bat gets rly big rly fast. and the older it gets, the more it starts to look monstrous. it still has bat features but it’s just like, different. its fangs grow suspiciously long, its hooks grow suspiciously long. its feet are elongated. a dorsal ridge emerges from its spine, spikes at first just flesh but soft fur rather like peach fuzz eventually sprouting. billy catches on that smth is strange abt this animal when it's as long as his forearm after two wks and still growing. he nearly shits a brick when the bat is clinging to his sweater one day and he steps in front of a mirror and only his reflection looks back at him�� no bat.

max laughs at him all like, “stupid brother, ofc there’s no reflection. nosferatu is a vampire, vampires don’t have reflections.” 😂

susan catches a glimpse of the thing when nosferatu crawls out of the home max built it in her closet the same wk billy realizes it doesn’t have a reflection, and also almost shits a brick. she doesn’t know what it is, but it’s NOT a fucking bat. not a normal one, anyway! cue a comedy scene where she’s chasing it around the house with a butterfly net and it’s always one flap *ba dum tss* ahead of her, flying just out of reach. she suddenly regrets not getting rid of it sooner, scolding herself for ever allowing her daughter to keep a wild animal.

she can’t catch it. max comes home, susan tells her she needs to get rid of it. max cries, flips her the bird, refuses. billy tho…billy has mixed feelings. he loves nosferatu but he’s worried it’s going to get dangerous. he loves his dad and his dad is dangerous too. he’s stressed out enough, always on edge, knowing that one way or the other, neil is going to hurt him again. he’s already waiting for his dad to hurt him, he doesn’t need the added stress of waiting for nosferatu to hurt him too. and while max is 100% nosferatu’s favorite, it likes billy too. billy’s been handling it since it could fit in the palm of his hand, it trusts him much more than it trusts susan and doesn’t know any different when billy takes it out of the closet when max isn’t around.

billy frees nosferatu at an abandoned farm. there are always bats flying out of the old silo adjacent to the dilapidated barn. while he knows nosferatu isn’t a *normal* bat, it’s still bat like enough that he thinks it might make friends and be happy here…

yeah, that doesn’t stick. before long, nosferatu is feasting on that colony. leeches the blood out of a couple bats nightly. the number of bats increases with nosferatu’s size. meanwhile, max mourns her missing friend. she’s sullen af and won’t speak to susan at all. she thinks susan is the one who got rid of nosferatu. billy never fesses up and susan doesn’t contradict max’s assumption bc she wants the step-siblings to get along.

neil, meanwhile, is getting more comfortable. those maroon flags are slowly but surely brightening to scarlet. he starts sabotaging susan’s plans with her friends, trying to keep her around the house more and more, quietly but steadily eroding her relationships with other people. he’s getting more visibly aggressive when he disciplines billy. he curses him out with a virulent venom that dunks susan’s stomach in ice water and scares max so badly, she runs to susan and hides behind her even though she’s still so mad that susan got rid of her beloved baby vampire.

nosferatu’s appetite surpasses what the bat colony can offer. it’s like the size of a ten yr old human child now. fucker’s big. it doesn’t just have fangs on top, but tusks on bottom. it can’t go out in the sunlight anymore, the sun sears its flesh. it misses max a lot and before, it wasn’t strong enough to fly back to her house. but now it is. it’s extremely strong, actually.

so bc it's hungry, nosferatu grabs a snack along the way. some nameless rando, it swoops down and sucks dry. nourished and much happier, nosferatu makes its way back home. patiently waits outside of max’s bedroom in the moonlight, tapping its hook against the window until she wakes up. initially max is a lil startled— nosferatu looks so different, there’s a beat before she recognizes it— him?? yk, ig it’s male, the og nosferatu was a guy. sure, why not, nosferatu is a boy now.

once she realizes who it is, she is so! happy! max opens the window and embraces her friend. she isn’t freaked out by the blood on its fangs. she’s always known nosferatu is a vampire, albeit, she was thinking he’d look more like dracula than this bat-monster-thingy.

nosferatu moves back into max’s closet. it hangs upside-down from her rod by its weird, elongated feet. we get more shots of nosferatu sucking rando ppl dry at night, tho he remains gentle with max. when max drags billy in to show her he came back, nosferatu is less friendly with him. he’s not aggressive with billy, but he is standoffish. nosferatu’s thought process is somewhere between human and animal. he doesn’t quite cognitively understand that billy took him to the farm with the intent of getting rid of him, but he does understand that the last time he clung to billy, billy left him alone and never came back. max puts two and two together, and realizes it was billy who “stole” her friend. she yells at him a lot, he yells back, she then ices him out.

billy acts out bc he’s upset. runs away, thinks he’s going to find his mom…the cops find him first and call neil. neil is rly embarrassed and pissed abt the whole thing. he breaks down and beats billy in front of the mayfields for the first time. nosferatu smells the blood and it’s time for the main event! we love dead!neil, yes, we do.

nosferatu flies out the closet and right into the living room where billy’s bleeding and teary but biting his lip so they don’t actually fall. susan’s covering max’s eyes but so shocked and tbh, FRIGHTENED, she doesn’t move a muscle beyond that. neil’s got the belt raised, preparing to bring it down again, and nosferatu smashes right into him. neil stumbles, turns back to see this freaky monster looking thing. proceeds to whip the belt at nosferatu. tries to fight him off with the belt and it doesn’t accomplish much beyond pissing him off more— nosferatu, like most classic vampire types, has a healing factor!

max rips her mom’s hands off her face in time to see her pet sink its fangs into her stepdad’s throat. nosferatu sucks neil dry. billy’s a little dazed, not quite frightened. susan is just dead ass frozen, too scared to scream, even. nosferatu crawls over to billy and nudges at him, making sure he’s in once piece and forgiving him in the same go. max darts over and that snaps susan out of her stupor, but she isn’t as fast as our blood-sucking bat monster.

nosferatu stretches his wings out and with a truly impressive wingspan, hugs both of the kids. <3

horror movie #2: a haunting! this one opens with a bang. it’s a tragic horror, beware. we’re in hawkins post s3. billy died at starcourt mall. neil’s obvi had a longstanding abusive mindset and abusive behavior, but he rly takes his grief out on susan and max. mostly susan. she does her best to protect max however she can, whether that means shielding her w her body, sending her out of the house, getting neil’s goat to inspire his ire in max’s place, etc. but sue simply isn’t around all the time and when she isn’t, but max is, well. yk.

one day neil comes home early (bc he lost his job for a violent outburst, tbh) and discovers susan packing a suitcase.

sue fights hard. she rly does. but neil is bigger, heavier, crueler, and to boot, he caught her completely unawares. he kills her. and no, no it’s not some accidental thing where neil makes one bad move rage-blind. he strangles her with his belt. she’s clawing at his arms and making these horrible choked, trapped animal noises. thrashes and twists her body with everything she has trying to get him off but he’s so strong, his grip is unrelenting, and she's growing weaker, lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. strangulation can induce incontinence and when susan blacks out, her piss streams to the hardwood— neil hears that as much as he felt the clawing and heard the noises, even now he could stop, but he doesn’t. he just. doesn’t think his wife has the right to leave him, esp not after his son just did.

neil burns the body and the suitcase in the woods while max is at school. max has been spending as much time as she can (and often with sue’s prompting) outside of the house, so it actually takes her about two days to realize her mother isn’t around. neil tells a pretty convincing story about how susan abandoned them, voice saturated with apology and sorrow. he takes her out for a fancy dinner and promises he’s going to be a better father-- that being a better father is the least he can do now that her mother abandoned her and they are alone in their grief.

max doesn’t know what to think. she’s been preoccupied with her own grief and pain. she finds it hard to believe her mother would just leave her to neil’s wrath. she has a lot of hangups with susan and anger toward her for marrying neil and not getting them out sooner, but she’s also old enough to realize there would be risks involved with that. it’s hard to reconcile the memory of her mother just last wk pinning max to the wall to protect her from neil’s blows with her own bod just abruptly taking off without a word in the middle of the night. but hey, maybe that’s why susan left. maybe she got sick of protecting her, maybe the pain got to be too much and she turned tail.

but also…it’s early october now, abt three months after billy’s death but still fairly warm outside. yet neil is wearing long sleeves. neil never used to button his collared shirts all the way up, and yet. every collar is buttoned. also, mom’s car is still here. why would mom leave without her car?

that ceramic pelican she loved so much is still here too, on the mantle in the living room. it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would leave behind, she's had it since max was a baby.

max almost wants to believe neil because she’d rather her mother abandoned her than be dead somewhere, rotting in a storage locker or a hole in the ground. under the earth with the worms, just like billy. max has the worst feeling low in the pit of her gut. she thinks she knows the truth. she thinks abt going to hopper and hesitates bc she’s not sure she could handle it if he actually found smth. or what would happen to her if he did, where she would be sent, who she would end up with.

this movie would be more on the ambiguous end of things. an arthouse horror, if u will.

the days turn into wks and neil is crawling in his skin. the viewer isn’t sure if the shadows he’s seeing, always, always susan-shaped shadows, are of a ghostly nature or if he’s just hallucinating out of guilt. but the signs gradually point to the former— that smth paranormal is indeed going on. bc those scratches and bite marks susan left in his skin?

they do not heal. they do not get infected. they do not become necrotic. but they do not heal, either. days turn into wks and the wounds still look fresh, like she just left them moments ago. neil can’t wear light colors anymore because his wounds weep red into the fabric. he isn’t just seeing susan’s shadows either, he’s smelling her.

he washes his sheets and pillowcases a dozen times and the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, it’s like it’s woven into the fibers. he walks into the hallway and chokes on the aroma of susan’s perfume. he wonders if max is screwing with him, if max figured it out and she’s trying to torture him into a confession. one day he stomps off to max's bedroom, furious, adamant on confronting her. he grabs her doorknob, prepared to yank it open and then lets out a yelp, jerking his hand back with a sudden sharp pain.

it feels like a bee sting (which would be esp bad for this fucker in anything i write, bc i headcanon him as being allergic). but there’s no stinger. no injury. nothing. neil is freaked out enough that he backs down.

max, on the other hand, is getting gentler signs. when she turns the radio dial in the camaro, it’s somehow always her mom’s favorite songs that come thru the speakers. when she goes to pull clothes out of her drawers in the morning, she discovers that the things she’d just shoved inside in wrinkled balls are perfectly folded, neat as a pin, exactly like how susan always folded. susan was always fond of cardinals and suddenly max is seeing cardinals, pretty red cardinals, in just abt erry tree and shrub.

neil wakes up one night to his wife’s voice whispering “boo” right in his ear. he throws the covers off and discovers ashes in the bed. he doesn’t smell susan’s shampoo or lotion anymore, he smells the kerosine he’d poured all over her body.

his wounds still won’t heal. whenever he looks in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of susan walking past behind him, peering at him from her peripheral. he whips around, heart hammering, but there’s never any tangible person there.

max is almost certain her mother is dead at this point. neil’s been so bizarrely nice to her lately. she never believed in ghosts but her experiences with the upside-down broadened her perception of reality. she doesn’t know how else to explain the songs, the cardinals, the folded clothes. the way that these days, whenever she does feel fear toward neil, it just fades away. her fear melts like popsicles in the sun, immediately replaced by the sensation of a warm, maternal hug, as if arms she can’t see are trying to reassure her she truly doesn’t need to be afraid of him anymore.

in fact, max feels so unafraid of neil and brave, that one night she calls him out on it. he’s grizzled and unshaven in his recliner, beer in hand. she steps in front of the television he’s vacantly fixated on and folds her arms across her chest.

“you killed my mom, didn’t you?”

quick as a flash, neil leaps to his feet. he brings his arm back like he’s going to strike her and susan’s ceramic pelican on the mantle explodes into shards. the lights flicker, the television program cuts to snow with a static roar. every other knickknack on the mantle rattles and framed photos tumble off the wall.

neil very wisely lowers his hand. he slumps, boneless. he doesn’t say a word. max sees the answer in his eyes. it’s the dead of night and she snatches the camaro keys off the hook, marching out of the house, slamming the door behind her. it’s the dead of night and she doesn’t care. she’s going to blow past every stop sign and pound on the chief’s door until he opens up. and fuck, i just realized if this is post s3 he’s supposed to be in russia. shit. i don’t watch this show, but i know abt russia bc i DID watch the clips of that demogorgon that i rly hope isn’t stuck in captivity!! okay, but let’s pretend that didn’t happen?

it’s an au?? i mean, errything i write is always technically an au anyway, bc when i write stuff susan has an actual personality and billy isn’t *completely* abhorrent. okay, so it’s an au and mr. hopper didn’t blow up and un-blow up in russia. he’s still here. so max drives to his house.

she pounds on the door so hard this guy snaps outta bed, thinking someone’s trying to bust it down. she tells him neil confessed to killing her mom. it isn’t true, exactly, but he didn’t have to. so it’s a helluva grim drive back to cherry lane, this time in the cop car.

but when they go inside, chief prepared to arrest neil, no need. neil’s hanging from the belt he strangled susan with, shirtless for the first time since that night, erry seemingly fresh furrow and bite mark on full display. below his dangling feet is a map, the area he burned susan’s corpse in circled in red marker. did he kill himself or did the ghost do it?

up to u, we soundlessly cut to credits without a concrete answer to that question.

horror movie #3: crossover special! stranger things meets the chilling adventures of sabrina. sequel to that fic i wrote where susan makes out with lilith, queen of hell, and lilith kills neil for her. sue officially joins the church of lilith. bc in this ‘verse the church of lilith actually happens after caos s2 instead of the nonsense that was s3 and the inconceivably godawful migraine-inducing shit-fest that was s4.

killing neil was lilith’s only freebee. susan isn’t a witch, she’s a mortal, so in order to reap the other rewards of worshipping the one and only mother of demons, she has to fornicate with the witches and participate in the sacrifices!!!

this is, uh, well. it’s p much a porno, dude, sorry. 😅

this is just an excuse for susan to have sex with lilith, zelda, marie, hilda, big witch orgies + susan. witches bathing in the blood of their sacrifices, susan so nervous and timid but unable to deny her desire. the witch’s dressing her in their gothic garb.

how does the rest of the fam get it on this?

max joins the church too. she has more age-appropriate conduct with sabrina and the weird sisters, and what have you. just smooches and over-the-clothes groping, and whatnot, even tho the weird sisters, at least, would be interested in going further if given the opportunity.

billy dies in starcourt again, so he gets revived in the cain pit! hilda is the one who goes to him after bc she’s been in the cain pit many a time (i am still BIG side-eyeing zelda for repeatedly murdering her sister since childhood). hilda understands how jarring it can be to come back. suddenly alive!billy is freaking tf out but she brings him inside the mortuary, wraps him up in a big blanket burrito and they have a talk. hilda explains that he’s going to be okay and rubs his back while he tentatively sips the hot chocolate she made.

after billy’s calmed down, she brings max and susan in. max and susan can’t do as much magic as the caos witches— they’re mortals, after all, it’s not in their nature —but they’ve gained some abilities thru being in the church, following the rituals, and being carnally involved with the immortal witches. max happily shows him some of her new magic tricks.

horror movie #4: another crossover with caos. heavily inspired by creepshow episode s2e1, model kid (which i already v blatantly referenced in the last axe snafu update and i’m not ashamed, bc it’s a good series i love v much).

billy picks max up from the byers’ place rly late one night. it’s dark and the weather is bad and okay, yeh, he might be a little high. and a little concussed. he pissed neil off pretty bad the other day and okay, actually he’s defo concussed bc he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong!

needless to say, they take a wrong turn somewhere. they end up in greendale. at first max is pissed. she yells at him a lot! yells so loud hilda can hear them thru the walls of dr. cerberus’s comic shop/diner. she goes outside to see what all the fuss is abt, hilda never rly ignores youth in need. we love hilda, she deserved so much better…i’m getting distracted, okay, back to the story.

hilda ushers them inside. max is like, “ooh, comics? horror junk and comics? nvm, i’m not mad anymore.” she pats billy’s arm and wanders away to go check stuff out! hilda makes billy sit down. caos canon established that she’s psychic, at least when she wants to be. she smells the weed but she also sees his life, his trauma. billy doesn’t remember what he did to piss neil off or the abuse that followed, but hilda sees it clear as day.

he’s rude and cranky w her when she probes a little too much for his liking. hilda gently but firmly reprimands him and gets him a milkshake on this house. then she goes to check on max. she steers max to a v particular section of the shop, the one that sells model kits. now, max isn’t *huge* into model kits BUT they are p neat and she enjoys them well enough. more so when the weather is nasty and she can’t go outside. or when she needs smth to do with her hands (a trait she shares w susan) to distract herself and ease some of the anxiety when she hears her brother being beaten or her mother being shouted at.

max is actually rly impressed by the array of models. vintage ones and newer ones. monsters, slashers, final girls, tiny accessories like knives and bloodied heads. but when she gets to the paint-your-own shelf, her jaw drops to the floor.

there’s one that looks just like neil. unpainted, plain gray vinyl, but undoubtedly her stepdad. the expression on the five inch figurine is one frozen in fear.

“i think that one’s calling to you,” hilda prompts her, with the softest smile.

max blinks away her bewilderment altho she still can’t speak. she turns to hilda and turns her empty pockets inside out. hilda just waves her hand. she tells her it’s on the house. that it wouldn’t be fair if she gave billy smth on the house, but not max.

speaking of billy, when he finishes his milkshake, he’s suddenly totally sober and healed!! no more high buzzing in his blood. no more pounding headache or concussion fogging his mind. he doesn’t feel his bruises anymore, rolls his sleeve up, and realizes they simply aren’t there anymore. like they dissolved off his skin.

albeit it’s muttered under his breath, but billy does thank hilda. then he and max are on their way. max shows him the suspiciously familiar figurine in the box. this night cannot get weirder.

max knows what to do with the model kit. she does. she isn’t sure how she knows, but she does. she grapples with it for a long time. neil’s the closest thing she has to a dad these days. and things aren’t bad all the time, ofc.

sometimes neil gives max a ride when mom and billy aren’t available. sometimes he brings her ice cream entirely unprompted. neil’s the one who picks max up off the sidewalk when she wipes out super bad on her skateboard, carries her inside and then later to the car when her cut doesn’t stop bleeding and she ends up needing stitches.

but most of the time he sucks. she can’t rly be herself around him. he's indifferent to her interest at best, scornful at worst. he would hate all her friends. he scares the shit out of her when he’s angry. he doesn’t have a problem belittling her mother in front of her, tearing susan to shreds and making her out like she’s lower than dirt, the most worthless person on the planet. doesn’t have a problem beating billy in front of her or glaring at her with the promise that she’ll be next if she dares to voice her dissent.

max doesn’t always want to do what she knows she’s meant to do with the model. bc she's kind at heart and bc on the good days, she genuinely does have mixed feelings toward neil. never enough to hope he'll be better, he's proven he won't...but maybe enough to hope he won't get worse, either.

then comes the night neil breaks ribs. bad, like we’re talking, a-sharp-spear-of-broken-rib-punctures-billy’s-lung-and-he’s-coughing-up-blood-bad. that’s a trip to the emergency room. in the days that follow, at her next dnd meeting w the party, max places the fully and attentively painted model of her stepdad on the table. normally her pals would protest her derailing the intended game, but they can sense it, yk, that smth is different.

max takes over as dungeon master to the protest of no one, all other mouths sealed as if bewitched and spellbound. she narrators a scene where the demogorgon devours neil and uses the demogorgon piece and the model for demonstration.

when max returns home, neil is strewn across the house in gory chunks and torn wallpaper curls around massive claw marks.

[anarmorofwords]

I kinda wanna write a better version of tlh where Tatiana is still insane but there's no Belial bc that makes zero sense to me

In this version there would be:

Kamanna done correctly with actual genderqueer rep and not toxic relationships

Barbra and Oliver bc fight me she didn't die

Genie and Filomena bc I love them and all the lightwoods are queer

The gracelet doesn't even happen bc I refuse to write that

Grace is pretty much still the same but she breaks off their(hers and james') relationship bc she notices that he loves Cordelia

No bad James. He's not a shitty person to Alastair, and he doesn't treat Cordelia like a sex object

Anna puts a stop to Kellington and Matthew's relationship before it gets serious. She also tries to get him to stop drinking all the time

Alastair apologizes around seeing them again for the first time. The merry thieves are a little reluctant because of some of the things he did but they don't actively try to keep him away from events that they're at

Matthew notices how Alastair looks at Thomas and locks them in the sanctuary with Genie and Cordelia's help

Grace gets badly injured due to a mistake in necromancy and Christopher helps her treat it without letting people know

Lucie meets Jesse, and falls in love ofc, so in order to bring him back successfully she asks Malcolm to train her in using her magic

Matthew opens up to his mom about the incident. She doesn't blame him at all and instead apologizes for often putting her work before him

Matthew finds out about Charles and Alastair because he found Alastairxs break up letter to Charles

Matthew, the mother hen he is, decided to attempt to murder his older brother, only being stopped by James who had been there at the right time

Kamala ends things with Charles and tells Anna that she still loves them and hopes that she will give her another chance

Anna told her that they needed time to think, and that she is worried how Kamala's reputation will be affected if anyone besides their friends and Anna's family finds out

Kamala respects her decision and doesn't contact her until Anna's ready to talk about things

The merry thieves don't ignore Christopher and they actively listen and help him

The merry thieves also aren't terrible to Grace bc they realize she's been isolated alone with Tatiana and 1) she might not understand what's saying/doing is wrong or 2) that sometimes she's trying to push them away so her abilities don't accidentally make them do something

Good tid parents

James and Alastair being respectful to each other despite personal differences

Matthew, Alastair, Kamala, Christopher, and Grace being besties, or as I call them, the neglected squad

No fetishizing mlm/wlw

Domestic cuddles and taking care of the other one when they're sick

Jesse/Lucie/Matthew pairing bc I love them and I refuse to pick between lucie/matthew and lucie/jesse

Christopher teaching Grace the elements(at the time) on the periodic table

Tatiana dies at the end yay

It's very unpolished and I'm open to b hearing any feedback and/or suggestions that anyone may have

The idea came to me and I decided it would be best if I told someone before I forgot

hi, I'm sorry it took so long,but I wanted to properly answer this and I keep having either internet connection issues or little time

DON'T BE SHY, WRITE THIS 👀

In all seriousness tho... THIS IS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION?!? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START I AM UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA, I NEED IT

Look, I've been on the verge of rewriting ChoI, and I keep saying I want someone to write a TLH that will live up to its potential, but I've never actually came up with a proper idea for it, and you?!! YOUR BRAIN DARLING THIS IS GENIUS

ok hold up I'll just react to each and every single one so

yes please?!? I mean it started off so sweet in EEV?! Also actually genderqueer Anna and not dancing around the subject like CC is doing now?! That's what they deserve, and that's what we all deserve too

yesss please. also just,,,, Barbara, the feminine, not-wanting-to-fight-which-doesnt-make-her-less-badass queen that she is, getting the page space and appreciation she deserves

that's actually brilliant?!? it would be so great, just imagine the new girl arrives for her travel year and Genie is completely awestruck. I'm so invested in Joshwood it's difficult to imagine not having them, but this is actually the only valid alternative?!

ok that's fine. I think it could still happen and be done well, but tbh for now... the gracelet doesn't seem to have done anything relevant to the plot itself? I mean yeah it messed up James's life and Jordelia, but what did it give Belial? Tatiana? nothing. It makes no sense atm.

could be! maybe she's still encouraged by Tatiana to befriend/seduce him, but without the gracelet it doesn't work out? or maybe James somehow manages to realize that she's in danger and he actually like,,,, kidnaps her? idk idk

yes. YES. just,,,,z James is a sweet compassionate literature nerd who accidentally makes a good leader and he actually cares about people, and not just judges them from his high horse; he does still have hero syndrome, but he's kind and respectful and overall a good character

ANNA INTERVENES ABOUT KELLINGTON PLZ. PEOPLE ACTUALLY NOTICE MATTHEW'S STRUGGLES. JAMES DOES, TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO GRACELET.

ok yes, so what about: basically TMT don't harass Alastair and accept his apology, and realize they were also being stupid and mean at times at the Academy (especially Math). Matthew doesn't want to accept Alastair's apology, because of The Sin, but his behaviour alerts the rest of TMT and they inquire what's wrong and he tells them about the sin and that's how he later tells his parents (because his friends encourage him) and as you say, she just hugs him and reassures him it's not his fault; so after that Matthew slowly begins to heal and accepts it wasn't Alastair's fault, and also since they've kind of adopted/started including Alastair in things, he can't help but notice he's actually changed and he even starts to grow fond of him

then like you said, Matthew notices Thomas likes Alastair PLEASE HE SO WOULD. I'm not sure about the Sanctuary, if it actually happens (I'll get to why later on), but him and Lucie get really invested in the matchmaking schemes, they include Genie/Kamala because these two are friends with Alastair (both? Or at this point only Kamala?) but they also share some Moments during their scheming/talking about love 👀 (yes I'm a Fairdale shipper, I think it's time to expose myself lol)

Which leads me to (sorry I'm going off order rn) YES YES YES LUCIE AND MATH PLEASE. A FELLOW SHIPPER, HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. But since we're actually fixing him then we can give Jesse a personality and I'm totally down for poly Math/Lucie/Jesse

Lucie seeking Malcolm's help in secret, morally gray heroine style?!? no, it's probably not legal. but also has there ever been a Shadowhunter like her? If the Law doesn't expect such situations, it can't really forbid them...

Plz Matthew ready to strangle the carrot when he learns about their relationship, YES. sure, maybe he's still not the biggest fan of Alastair, but he's seen how much the boy's been through and starts to develop an attachment to him, and besides, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE GROOMED AND TREATED LIKE THAT. He's SO MAD at Charles, and he confronts him about it - remembering Kellington as he does, and it makes him sick to think his brother would do the same thing to someone. Maybe he gets very emotional over this and later finally tells his friends about Kellington? Maybe they didn't know before, only Anna did? So when they all realize what was happening then they comfort him etc? Or maybe it's just Alastair that learns now, and the others knew before, and they share a bonding moment over that?

Injured Grace seeking Kit's help is a genius idea I didn't know I needed

Kamanna giving each other time and space and deciding they need to question their relationship and figure out if it actually makes sense would be great. Anna realising she's very privileged and Kamala doesn't have those same opportunities, and also in general realising coming out should never be pressured or forced. Just,,,, Anna being self-aware and respectful towards Kamala. Well-written Anna. Plz. Also Kamanna is actually developed and not just "in love" because,,,,, they're attracted to each other? Maybe even remaining friends while Anna makes up their mind?

yeah just TMT being more compassionate and less judgy because they're not written by Judith so her bias isn't projected onto them

It's not a want, it's a need. They adopt Alastair and Grace eventually. Like, maybe not literally - although, Grace? - but you know what I mean.

I think they all should just have various friendship dynamics and switch between them, because people need more than one friend group

no fetishizing, no watching your brother make out with his lover, yessss

yes domestic cuddles, affection, taking care of wounds, all those things. plz.

Gracetopher bonding over science yes

obviously. or maybe she's imprisoned?!

ok, now for some more notes/my ideas etc., if you don't mind:

I actually think Belial could still be featured? After all, I don't think Tatiana could do much on her own, and since she seeks help from demons, it makes sense to include a Greater Demon as well. But Belial would have to be a stronger villain, written better; I'll think more about this

if that was the case, the serial killer plot could still happen, but be done better. and it would allow for a scenario I talked about with @littlx-songbxrd to happen, where it's Alastair who's falsely accused of murder. It creates a great opportunity to explore some things, because we know Alastair is much more likely to be seriously suspected, considering all the prejudices and bad rep his family has and all that

...what do you say to well-written Jordelia? 👀 Cordelia hasn't been obsessively in love with James since childhood, she only had a crush then. And now that they meet again, she's fond of him but not in love, not straight away. They're both grown up, and different people, but as they spend more and more time together, they fall in love. What if Cordelia gets to flirt with some other boys first? What then. What if she ends up choosing James, instead of going for the only boy she's ever had feelings for and idealized since childhood. What if we even make it friends-to-lovers and have James be a little jealous at some point?! but not in a possessive awful way, just "oh damn oh no"

Now I won't know peace until this exists BUT THANK YOU

[phoebehalliwell]

I've always wondered about paige meeting a witch/darklighter hybrid? Because she is big on nurture vs nature but how would she react to someone who half of their existence is deadly to half of her? But at the same time they are both half witch?

okay but like!!!!! literally Literally we meet a fucking darklighter season 1 whose sole purpose was to knock somebody up like light magic has all these rules to follow but who’s setting the rules for dark magic? the source? the source doesn’t care oh no there are more evil babies in the world aaaa ?? it was the same thing with hecate it was the same thing with the manticore hell it was probably the same thing with cole. evil loves having lil half-mortal babies it stands to reason that the idea of an extra power boost from having a kid with say a witch (or hell even a warlock or any other mix up of the two) would only be a plus. it stands to reason that the girls should have run into So Many splits like. Especially darklighters!! given that we were literally told there’s like darklighters who specifically exist to just knock other people up (which also. girl what. boo.) i mean honestly? honestly? i don’t even think we need a hybrid just straight up someone with a mortal mother and a darklighter father like that alec/daisy situation who was raised by his mom for the majority of his life until his father found him and took him (maybe killing mom who’s 2 say) and tried raising him as a darklighter. but it’s like. you know. he was raised for the most part as a human kid and yes he had some powers teleportation and then like. instant kill. but like. those aren’t well no teleportation is but instant kill is not a fun power especially if you’re just supposed to be a normal dude!

and then i’ve talked about this before (this is where i would link the post If I Could Find It i searched for. 30-40 min. i do not know where it is. aaaaaaaaa.) i don't think darklighters are born with any innate imperative to kill whitelighters or anything, the same with demon warlocks etc. i think it's all a cultural thing like killing the most witches makes you like. idk you know popular celebrity within ur faction. like uhh u drive a whole bunch of whitelighters to suicide ur fuckin steph curry of ur darklighter clan the man can't miss. So. if we have a guy let's name the guy let's pick a name that means darkness. kieran!! okay so lil kieran was raised by mom and knows very little of his powers, and you know mom knows even less she doesn't even know his father's name. But!! mom is a future whitelighter, she's just a bit wayward at the moment, so her whitelighter cloaked her so that she can raise her son in peace n safety. but oh no!! mom's dead. and the cloaking on kieran was only an extension of mom's cloaking so now he's out in the open n here comes dad. and you know we'll say kieran's a bit of a fucked up kid nobody's perfect so like. he's never really quite fit in anywhere and he's always been terrified of his powers but when his dad offers him a people like him who understand him who can better hone his powers (we'll say he's in highschool) he's like this is lit!! and i get a crossbow! and he's always kinda taught that whitelighters are the enemy they're these abominations souls reanimated by the elders as weapons, stacked w powers, they can never move on, and they just have to behave as pawns to the elders whims. bc like. this kid was raised human he really doesn't get hunting whitelighters for like sport so his dad tries to keep him a little bit sheltered from the true nature of it all thinking that once the kid is older, once he gets the taste in his mouth he'll come around. so kieran spends ages 17 to like 23-25 underground in the underworld learning about darklighters learning about the lineage he's from but there's like. like he's a smart kid. and he knows there's something they're not telling him. so when he hears talk of two of his peers going on a hunt, he kinda tails them just to see what's what, only to see them maim a witch to kill their whitelighter, and who should their whitelighter be if not kieran's dead mom. and they leave both the witch and the whitelighter for dead bc like. kieran's mom can't heal with the poison in her veins it’s a slow working poison so they'll both be cold as the grave in 24hrs. and kieran like runs up to his mom like a) you're alive?!? b) you're a whitelighter?!!?!! and c) you know like what the fuck. because that's his Mom. she couldn't have like. told him. left him a sign. and you know like heart to heart blah blah blah and the witch is over here kinda saying like hi?? darklighter? what the fuck? and kieran's like aaaa because he can't help all he can do is like kill and the witch is like doesn't matter bring me a map and a crystal and using kieran's mom's blood scrys for the nearest whitelighter like u should be able to sense them go bring them to us and maybe i won't vanquish you, a threat kieran has literally never received, and quite frankly the terminology makes him a little bit uncomfortable.

and you know where else should the crystal land if not south bay social services, and you know kieran really doesn't know what he's looking for he's never hunted whitelighter so he was never taught to sense them but evidently it's in his power so he gives it a shot but like no. what's he even looking for? he has no idea. so instead he just runs up to this raven haired woman about his age like fuck it do you have a phone. and paige is like ??? who do you need to call who are you here for what are you here for do i need to grab you any forms and kieran's like fuck it if you go to this address you'll find to people in mortal danger. they need help. and then like. bolts. and paige is like what the fuck!!

and you know blah blah blah they manage to save the witch but they can't save the mom bc they don't know what poisoned her and it kinda makes the papers Because It's Fuckin Weird especially because the mom already died?? this woman literally must have faked her own death five years ago only to die from an unknown poison in a san francisco apartment. and then you know blah blah blah within a month or two it's revealed paige is a charmed one! a witchlighter! and then comes the reveal of darklighters and their poisoned arrows and paige is like wait. i've seen this before. and describes you know the scene with the witch and the woman and leo's like. i should name the mom. soleil. leo's like that was soleil she was a whitelighter, and piper's like wait why were you there, and paige is like i don't know there was this guy who told me to go to that address to save them and then like ran away, and piper and phoebe are like that's fuckin weird. and he approached u specifically? and paige is like yeah he pushed his way across the office to get to my cubicle. and piper phoebe are looking at leo like what does this mean what does this mean, and leo's like idk. and meanwhile kieran's trying to break from the darklighter clan but he knows he can't get out unless he's cloaked. so he goes back to try to find the witch he saved to ask her to cloak him but she says she doesn't have that power and he's like okay well who does and she's like only a whitelighter does and he's like okay could u find me one and she's like r u fucking joking. you want me to get a whitelighter here just so u can kill? and kieran's like what no i'm not i want out that's why i'm here i don’t wanna be a darklighter anymore, and the witch is like that's not a choice you have it's in your blood now the only reason i'm letting you live rn is because evidently you’re soleil’s kid she was a good woman i trusted her but i don't know you. and i don't trust you. and if you orb in here again i swear to god i will vanquish you. just so we can get you know a solid dose of light magic not trusting kieran, not based on his actions (hell even in spite of his actions) but purely based on his lineage.

so blah blah blah kieran start spending more and more time above ground and just trying to subtly distance himself from the clan which his father can sense and quite frankly like yes is concerned but is more just like. pissy because he's making him look bad, especially the fact he's gone this long without a kill it's making him look weak. so his dad's like fuck it we're going hunting together and now it's like. obviously non optional. you're gonna kill a whitelighter or you'll you know get the boot lose the only people who could possibly understand you so you know it's kieran and dad above ground and he's teaching him to sense for whitelighters teaching him what the skill is and kieran's actually picking it up quite well and honestly. honestly? he might make this kill. he can't survive alone. he doesn't even know who he is. and his powers are calling him loud and clear to a whitelighter. meanwhile paige is out on a mission with like piper and leo and immediately drops everything breaks from the pack starts running because there's that guy!! and kieran realizes that the call is coming from the raven haired girl. and that his dad is right behind her lining up the shot.

and so you know act now think later he grabs paige and they disappear into a cloud of black orbs and reemerge right behind his father and kieran calls his crossbow and shoots his father. in the shoulder. it's intentional. kieran has great aim. and he won't kill. and his dad's fuckin pissed and honestly about ready to kill the both of them when piper rounds the corner and blasts him to bits. and well. now kieran's definitely left with no family. so he says a quick apology to paige and orbs out. and piper and leo are like that one was a darklighter too!! and paige is like no no u don't get it. he just saved me. and they're like He What? why'd you follow him into this alley in the first place? and paige is like that's the guy! the guy the soleil & witch guy who told me to save them. and leo's like a darklighter working to save a witch and whitelighter? that's not right. paige i trust you i don't think you're lying but i don't think you know the whole story. he's a darklighter. they're evil. and paige is like then why did he save me? why did he save the other witch? why’d he try to save the whitelighter? and piper's like for all we know he's the one who shot her you saw his crossbow. and paige is like no this isn't right there's something we don't know here. blah blah blah they go to the original saved witch who informs them that while kieran is a darklighter he's soleil's son and paige is like !!! i knew it! he's an innocent we're meant to save him. and piper and leo are like respectfully, paige, no, that's way too dangerous. bonus round if piper's pregnant here pre- orb shield knowledge. and leo's like paige he can't help it it's nature it's just who he is. he can't be good. and paige is like why. why not. and leo's like he's half darklighter. and paige is like yeah and i'm half whitelighter. and piper's like fuckin yeah babe that's The Point he's a danger to us. and paige is like no the point is if it's all so predetermined if there's no fighting what we're born as they why was i awful. why was i a brutal cruel evil miserable child? you don't know me and you don't know the things i've done (pushing back the paige dead parent reveal for later) and it doesn't matter that i have literally angel blood i was terrible! there was nothing in my nature that held me back from that vicious side. i chose to grow. i chose to become the woman i am today and every morning i wake up and chose that it's not some predestined halo around my head it's me waking up every day and choosing to fight for the good in this and you know what i think he's part of it.

[cattles-bians]

Damie Vibecca exes AU part 4

post directory

[em note: this one is LONG i had to split it!!!]

obsetress: deflecting to viola protecting becs

obsetress: once they are dating

obsetress: and thinkin thoughts

em: viola asks rebecca if she wants to put a hit out on peter and rebestiecca is like????

em: that’s hot but

em: u can do that? also maybe don’t. but mostly that’s hot

obsetress: i was literally gonna say peter is still her ex and he's a persistent fucker even though it's been a year at least and viola's response is... not far off from canon!

obsetress: becca just stares at her for a minute and then she's cupping viola's cheek and murmuring "come here" and pulling her down

obsetress: they're like kissing or whatever and rebecca's murmuring "that was hot, you know" between kisses and viola's like "oh?" and becca's like "don't be cheeky, you know it was" and vi just grins against her mouth

em: I’m Really Invested In This Crack Ship

obsetress: ok but rebecca tells jamie and dani about vi offering to put a hit on peter and they're both understandably and reasonably aghast and rebecca's just like (takes a sip of wine, ducks head, smiles to self) i think it's sweet

obsetress: dani and jamie look at each other out of the corners of their eyes

obsetress: (later, dani agrees how absolutely out of line it is but also admits that it sure does feel nice to be so taken care of sometimes)

obsetress: (jamie throws a pillow at her)

obsetress: also thinking about secret soft vibecca are sometimes and how horrified dani and jamie are the first time they see it with their own eyes

em: jamie and dani excessive PDA queens get a taste of their own medicine

em: it’s so funny that i’m like. always on the verge of viola horny posting but as soon as it’s vibecca i’m like look at these babies. these beautiful babies

obsetress: viola and rebecca kissing one (1) time at brunch and jamie, arm slung around dani’s shoulders, is like “oi, no one wants to see that” and dani, leaning into jamie, one hand in her lap, crinkles her nose and rebecca’s like “y— you’re kidding, right?”

obsetress: also like. we talk a lot about what vi does for rebecca but also like

obsetress: vi massive abandonment issues and rebecca just

obsetress: she just stays

em: ur gonna Kill me here lies em

obsetress: i know i didn’t mean to and then i just

obsetress: i can’t think too hard abt them or i will Melt Down but just like

em: look if rebecca can see the best in someone as awful as peter

em: viola isnt nearly as terrible

obsetress: esp vi post dani like

obsetress: she’s obnoxious and haughty and neoliberal but

obsetress: radical love goes a long way!

obsetress: rebecca grounding her thru touch and rebecca slipping her hands around vi’s and easing them loose when vi’s hands start to clench and rebecca just pressing a kiss to viola’s temple and murmuring “i’m here, yeah? with you. not going anywhere”

em: like i just think after eddie dani wouldnt like, just go w the flw any more. like i think abt her challenging viola occasionally

em: lovingly! gently

but like, holding her accountable

em: also violas absolutely little spoon

em: like i know blah blah viola top rebecca top leaning switch but viola little spoon

obsetress: “actually viola” (vi always knows she’s in trouble when dani calls her viola) “that was really hurtful” “i’m sorry you feel that way, dani, but—“ “i don’t need you to be sorry for how i feel. i need you to show me you’re sorry for what you did”

em: dani calls vi the Full Name and viola knows shes in trouble bc thats at least 4 extra vowels w danis midwest accent

em: it is always v surprising how much like, working w kids equips you to work w adults. b/c at least w kids you dont have layers and layers of social nuance to work through. u can just say 'hey. that was hurtful and your apology sucks'

obsetress: meanwhile dani’s over here trying to explain to vi intent vs impact and how no, it’s not semantics or nuance, it’s actually kind of a chasm

em: i kind of love like um. look viola is terrible but she wasnt born terrible

obsetress: she just has a lot to unlearn

em: and id belive that even if i wasnt a ghostfucker thats just rogers theory of self actualisation babyeee

obsetress: dani viola big fight n dani's like

obsetress: "i'm sorry and i love you but it's not my job to fix you, vi" and she just breaks down and she's like "it's not"

obsetress: jesus why did my brain take THAT turn

em: wrow

em: its ok i was gonna be like 'so they obvs break up at some point....'

obsetress: anyway viola just stares at her for a second and then she's like "you put the 'i'm sorry' before the 'i love you'"

obsetress: and dani just stares at her for a long time and she's like "yeah. i guess i did"

em: HANNAH

em: BESTIE

obsetress: i KNOW what the FUCK

obsetress: anyway dani's like "i guess i did" and vi's like "is that it then?" and dani just looks at her with her puffy eyes and is like "i think so"

obsetress: dani clayton queen of saying "i love you" over and over in the midst of breaking up w someone

em: well! she has a lot of love to give but, she also has to love herself sometimes!

em: i was thinking abt scenarios n i just remembered that. whole video rental shop thing so i think that slots in nicely

[em edit: u can read here]

obsetress: god i love that lil scene

em: dani sends viola a tentative little meme peace offering and they get back to talking and its nice but maybe a bit awkward and viola mentions like, going to therapy and seeing someone for help n its

obsetress: vi's stewing on "i can't fix you" for weeks and then she's begrudgingly. BEGRUDGINGLY calling a therapist

em: like its still awkward and dani is still nursing some wounds but she can ALSO be happy for someone she used to care about

em: still cares about!

obsetress: she's always gonna love her in some way or another

obsetress: but yeah also like. smth to viola being too stubborn to do anything she doesn't wanna do except suddenly when dani clayton gets involved and that feels p canon in its own way too

em: 'i cant fix u' weird bc every time i see viola im like 'i can fix her'

obsetress: it's like ur in my head bestie

em: how do u think viola and rebestiecca met

em: not that u think abt it or anything

obsetress: MAN i was just thnking

obsetress: in this universe how did dani and jamie meet but i guess it can still just be bly tbh

obsetress: as for vi and bestiecca hmmm

em: am so caught up in the joy of fucked up interpersnal dynamics i forgot a meet cute

obsetress: honestly part of me wants to be like

obsetress: on some dating app but a dating app for posh people yk

obsetress: but then i'm like

obsetress: that takes all the meet cute fun out of it

obsetress: oh GOD

obsetress: i got it

obsetress: ready

obsetress: so like viola landlord we know this

obsetress: and then i was watching whatever ep three the other day and bex mentions wanting to do public law right

em: oooooh

obsetress: bex public housing attorney

em: OOH

obsetress: they meet at some conference

obsetress: hit it off prob fuck lbr

obsetress: and then

obsetress: comedy of errors

obsetress: whoever stays the night, they sleep together again in the morning, breakfast in bed, bex is like "so what do you do, anyway"

em: hjgbjshmdnfbmngbmhnbgs,hndg m,shndgds

em: YES

obsetress: and then they just

em: WHEEZES

obsetress: also i like to think rebecca invites vi back to her hotel room and vi is so charmed by her taking charge ("""taking charge""") that she lets her

obsetress: and then like

obsetress: god for a while what if they just like

obsetress: they're so mortified and morally and fundamentally at odds but like

obsetress: the sex is so good???????

obsetress: that they keep just meeting up and then

em: romeo and juliet situation

obsetress: yk how it goes

obsetress: the sex is good and they see each other as like

em: thats so fucking good thank u hannah

obsetress: super rare intellectual equals whatever

obsetress: thank u i am exceedingly proud rn

obsetress: honestly at this point i'm

obsetress: rebecca and vi uhaul change my mind

obsetress: like not too quick because isabel but, quick enough to be considered

em: so the joke is like. obviously 'extremely pda damie' but when rebecca and vi are alone they Also cannot get their hands off each other

obsetress: they both just. worry about appearances too much meanwhile

obsetress: tweedle dee and tweedle dum in the overalls and mom jeans dgaf

em: accidentally seeing ur friends compromised is just part of the package of being friends w damie. however jamie accidentally catches vibecca in the act and shes Horrified

em: hypocrits

em: danis like yeah what do u. think theyre doing

em: dani is nonchallant bc shes dated viola of all people

obsetress: i mean could you imagine

obsetress: between vi and dani's just

obsetress: insatiable libido

em: HADNT IMAGINED UNTIL NOW BUT YEAH

obsetress: dani, very seriously: jamie, when two women love each other––

em: dani likes dating jamie bc it means she can top occasionally :) maybe even more than occasionally

em: jamies like ooh my god i knw i know how are u so casual about... rebecca... and ... viola... (dani just pulls her in fr a smooch)

obsetress: they have each other's clothes half off and dani's like "i'm so casual because i dated her too, babe" and jamie's like "can we not have this conversation right n"

obsetress: also i still have this on my clipboard from earlier we bopped around so fast but

obsetress: vi and bex hooking up early on:

obsetress: rebecca knocks on vi's door at, like, 6:00 pm after work, vi opens it, rebecca just grabs her and kisses her, vi pulls her in, becca kicks it closed behind her, vi shoves her against the door and they're kissing against it, then vi's ducking her head to kiss along rebecca's neck and rebecca's like "how many people did you evict today" as she angles her head and then viola's finding her lips again and tugging at her lower lip with her teeth "probably not as many landlords as you shortchanged today" and rebecca's laughing and pushing her backwards down the hall as viola tugs at her blouse

em: GOD. viola is probably like

em: ok, disclaimer: fuck all landlords

em: but at least in this fantasy world perhaps viola is 'fairly' 'reasonable' n shes absolutely playing it up for the hate sex angle n rebecca Maybe Assumes shes lying but

em: stupid morons in love

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: i think i've mentioned this before but like

obsetress: now that it's more fleshed out

obsetress: then they're at drinks one night (and when did it go from just sex to drinks? neither of them could tell you) and viola's kinda quiet n moody (n rebecca already knows she Gets Like This sometimes and that she'll usually say whatever she's thinking eventually) and finally she's like

obsetress: "i have... a daughter" and rebecca's just like "tell me about her" like it's the easiest thing in the world

obsetress: and viola's head snaps over and she stares because she was.... not expecting that

obsetress: and so viola does

obsetress: and rebecca's just like "i'd love to meet her one day"

em: soft.....

obsetress: they always turn back to soft

obsetress: like they have a fuckin mind of their own

em: rapidly oscillate between horny and soft

obsetress: that's the mood

em: violas probably like. yknow, rebecca's young and up and cming n she probably assumes rebesticca isnt interested as something as full on as a kid but shes like 'do you have any photos'

obsetress: fuck!!!!!!!!!

em: rebeccas like do u think i didnt. see the photos at ur apartment lmao

em: theres a childs drawing on the fridge

obsetress: rebecca has known almost from the jump but was

obsetress: giving viola her time

obsetress: also smth smth giving her time instead of time wearing her away etc etc we're all in hell

em: cracks knuckles

em: bestie....

obsetress: pls

obsetress: it's what i deserve

obsetress: first tho

obsetress: consider

obsetress: the way viola's face lights up when she's talking about isabel and showing rebecca all the pictures

obsetress: hold pls

em: soft......

obsetress: this one chief

obsetress: right here

[derireo]

lvl 100, top tier pogchamp request: mod's izuomi hcs :)))

FIRST THING that came to mind: omi is little spoon. no i will not be taking any criticisms, leave me alone!!!

ur telling me omi, being the mom of the company, is not the little spoon?? ur telling me izumi doesn't hold omi from behind and he doesn't melt in her embrace? get away from me </3 /j

omi's my main comfort character and i relate to him a lot when it comes to taking care of others. so who is taking care of him once he's done with the family??? it's izumi of course!!! izumi can u hold me too? pls.

they spend a lot of nights together in bed just talking about their day in hushed whispers, holding hands or each other's faces... it's a good way to unwind and fall asleep

and talking about SLEEP. omi is the one who always falls asleep first. it used to be izumi since she'd be constantly working and omi would scold her enough for her to begrudgingly go to bed first.

but with the presence of izumi now being a constant in omi's life, knowing that she's in bed with him, holding him tight with her hand cradling the back of his head while he presses his nose into her neck, he falls asleep like a baby. sure, his nightmares sometimes comes back and rouses the both of them from sleep, but izumi is always there to remind omi that the things being said in his dreams are simply not true.

talking about nightmares. nachi. omi can't ever seem to let him go and izumi understands that. nachi was a huge part of omi's life and the memory of him still carries on in the little things. sometimes even looking at juza is enough to throw omi into a spiral.

izumi doesn't have to, but she reminds omi that it isn't his fault. how could he have known that something like that was going to happen? he didn't have to feel guilty for taking on the dream that nachi left behind; he didn't even have to carry on his dream, but he did. is that not enough for him to know that it wasn't his fault? they were practically still kids. just reckless kids.

they visit his grave together twice a year. on his birthday and his death anniversary.

izumi arranges flowers (she learned from tsumugi) for the visit while omi makes nachi's favourite snacks to share.

ahem. onto nicer things. izumi is always looking for new hobbies to pick up, and considering omi has a lot of those, he teaches izumi as many things as she wants!

photography was probably the most fun thing to teach izumi due to all of the photos they got to take together. of course, omi was still a little camera shy, but if izumi was in the picture with him then he'd have no problem. actually; he'd be too busy staring at izumi to remember that he was supposed to be looking into the camera.

making felt dolls was out of the question because izumi is super clumsy. she's poked her fingers way too many times for omi to let her continue.

HELP AND AT THE MARKETS they'd be mistaken for a married couple. u can't tell me i'm wrong, pls, i'll cry.

and since omi is a hunk of a young man OF COURSE THE dear old ladies are going to give them extra produce and sales (when they can). izumi can't complain because if she were in their shoes she would do the exact same thing.

very cute in the kitchen when everyone else is in their rooms or not at home. they like to make a mess as long as it's not bad enough to elicit some ungodly reaction from sakyo. omi is secretly a brat (let him let out some steam!) sometimes so if izumi paints his cheek with some cake batter he will absolutely splatter izumi's face with flour as payback!

but if they're really just trying to cook then they work diligently!!! very quick!!! they taste test each other's food too which means lots of spoon feeding and teasing!! sobs.

also. omi calls izumi squishy. HE CALLS HER SQUISHY. he's all sharp lines and hard muscle so when he hugs, cuddles izumi who is all soft and smooth edges of course he's gotta call her something sweet!!! "hi, squish." he'll say sometimes if he sneaks up on her at her desk. HELP ME. GOD.

izumi doesn't rlly mind getting called squishy but tasuku called her "squidge" once and she kneed him in the side. rightfully so!!!!!!

izumi's nickname for omi is: brick. (one, bc he's got a body as hard as brick, and two, bc he's rlly oblivious sometimes) her second nickname for omi is wolfie, but only if he's in a very good mood or is in need of cuddles.

AGAIN. OMI LITTLE SPOON. SMALL CUDDLE BUDDY. and since we r on this topic. might i just add that OMI LOVES IZUMI'S THIGHS. like this isn't even nsfw it's just that omi loves her legs, help.

u know that tiktok of that girl who films herself wrapping her thighs around her boyfriend's head and he is just in absolute bliss??? THAT'S IZUOMI!!!! SO MANY IZUMI SHIPS WOULD BE THAT TIKTOK COUPLE.

izumi would be reading a book or script on the bed and omi would just crawl between her legs and lay there on his back while scrolling through the newest photos on his camera— only to fall asleep not even five minutes later. (omi can i have a turn please)

anyways these are just some hcs i have of izuomi....mind not working rn bc i’m thinking of angst stuff and a3! anniversary... if i have more, i will churn them out another day!

[thoughtfulnerdcycle]

all the even numbers (for the send in numbers to get an answer thingy) >:D

gonna be a long one :D

2: Age

19, born in 2001 lol

4: 3 things I love

music

my friends

animals

6: 4 turns off

(these are just a preference and only count for people i could be romantically attracted to u can have these things and we can still be friends)

dirty finger nails/uncared nails/hands

dreadlocks

crooked teeth

just personal preference not attacking anyone <3

8: Sexual orientation

lesbian

10: How tall am I

im around 5“3 or 161cm

12: What time were I born

around 8.30pm!

14: Do I have a crush

kinda recovering from a crush rn

16: Favorite place

my house if i’m alone and outside if i’m not alone

18: Do I use sarcasm

i think i try to but probably fail miserably

20: First thing I notice in new person

hands

eyes

lips

22: Eye color

brown :(

24: Favorite style of clothing

(korean) streetwear, or dark academia no in between

26: there’s no 26 lmao :D

🪨

28: Favorite movie

i love shrek lol and basketball diaries, very basic but i also like pulp fiction

30: Favorite band

queen, bon jovi, pink floyd, arctic monkeys, one ok rock, oisicle melonpan

32: Someone I love

my newest friend - she’s a lovely person and i alr feel like i’ve known her for years <3

34: My relationship with my parents

sometimes it’s pretty good but there’s no trust

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

i want tattoos don’t have any yet

i have s helix on my left ear and two ear lobes, two on my right ear and i used to have a nose piercing on the right side

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

i was 13 and not like other girls

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not really :( i want one

42: When did I last hold hands?

i don’t remember

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?

nope

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

not my friends bc they’re drunk too

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

my mom and my stepfather, idk where my father is

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

my best friend - i love him so much and he always listens

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

unless a quick hug counts idk if it counts then on thursday

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i trusted my ex best friend even tho i knew i shouldn’t

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

this is such a hard question tbh i can’t decide id love to meet all the famous people who died like Freddie Mercury or Kurt Cobain maybe Marilyn Monroe or just my soulmate lol

58: What’s my strangest talent?

i can tie a knot with my tongue?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

i wish i was confident enough to be in front of it but i’m good behind lol

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i usually hate talking loudly at home as i’m scared my parents could hear so neither texting is best

64: Do I believe in magic?

dunno

66: What’s the weather like right now?

warm with a harsh find

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

yes

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

does my chronic illness count lol

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

no

74: Favorite animal?

cats for pets and ducks for non domestic animals

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

cool people don’t use last names like zendaya

78: How can you win my heart?

give me attention and be as passionate as me (or just try) for my hyperfixations lol

80: What is my favorite word?

i love handlettering the word moist, girls, history and love

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

love is love

black lives matter

stop racism against asian people

stop the hate

but would probably be to nervous to talk ingrown of ppl i almost lost consciousness when i had to present smth in class

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

teleportation would’ve neat

86: What is my current desktop picture?

leafs lol

88: Bought condoms?

for a friend that had a hook up later that das but didn’t have enough time to get them lol

90: Failed a class?

yes but on purpose

92: Kissed a girl?

yes

94: Had a job?

kinda?

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

i don’t remember actively bullying anyone bc i always was against that but you never know if your words were perceived the way u wanted

98: Played on a sports team?

no

100: Did drugs?

only weed

102: Drank alcohol?

yes

104: Been overweight?

yes

106: Been to a wedding?

yes

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

does netflix count if yes then yes

110: Gotten my heart broken?

yes lol

112: Broken a bone?

no

114: Been to prom?

no

116: Fly by helicopter?

no

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yes

120: Wore make up?

pretty much everyday

122: Had oral sex?

no

124: Voted in a presidential election?

no

126: Had a surgery?

had 1 wisdom tooth removed haha

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

yes

130: Been fishing?

no

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yes :(

134: What do I want for birthday?

i’ve been saving up for an ipad past few months and i got almost half so maybe the other half of the money or smth idk i don’t do birthdays :D