#but i can hesr him on calls and he hasn't said anything | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

garlique · 10 months ago

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i don't know if my parents are actually nicer to me now or if i just have built up enough skin to not be as afraid of them anymore but like. why couldn't they be nice to me like this when i LIVED with them!!

#honestly its a big part of why i try to see them as little as possible because i KNOW #the less they see me the nicer they are to me #and like i kind of get it bc i moved so far away Every time my parents and i see each other its a vacation #and they dont have to put up w me every day anymore #but it just makes me feel so goddamn. hateable. you know ??#my dad used to yell at me all the time for playing music in the kitchen while he was working #and like Not ask me kindly to lower the volume or anything it would just be Hey Kid Shut The Music Off yelled across th house #but now in our airbnb im playing music while hes working and i keep turning it down bc im Scared #but i can hesr him on calls and he hasn't said anything #like i GET IT !!!! I GET IT!!!!#its a lot different to put up with a kid for 10 days a year than it is 365 days a year #but do they really love me more now ?? why ?? and why the hell couldn't they love me like this at home #i just feel so goddamn annoying and hateable and stupid if my own PARENTS only like hanging out one week a year #and will the fear ever go away ?? ever??#the last time i saw my mom in person she joked about how i used to be so scared of getting in trouble #i dont know why i was scared of her but i sure was !! terrifying !!#ugh okay i have to stop crying and be normal #rant over i love my parents and im so normal

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