#but i can admit that i might be a lil bit bias

[wingsoverlagos]

Lewisohn vs. Cynthia Lennon, Pt. 2 of 3

For part 1, click here. This post contains the next five endnotes in Mark Lewisohn's Tune In that reference Cynthia Lennon's A Twist of Lennon (1978). Part 3 will have the last of the Twist citations, as well as a couple of citations that use her autobiography John (2005).

Twist p.51 vs. Tune In 15-45

There’s no direct quote here, and the details in Twist and Tune In mostly match up. Mostly. Lewisohn greatly overstates Cynthia’s mother’s dislike for John, though. As Cyn relates it, her mom was happy to have Cynthia spending more time around the house (she’d been spending little waking time there during her relationship with John), and asserts that her mother was likely hoping things would fizzle out between them. Cyn says her mother “had never been over the moon” and “[hoped] that ‘Out of sight out of mind’ would prove the case.” Contrast that with Lewisohn’s “hoped plainly and simply” that their relationship would end, calls John a “Liverpool lout”, and says that Lil Powell wished “she’d never have to see him or hear about him again.” Rather more emphatic, wouldn’t you say?

It's possible that Cyn downplayed her mother's dislike for John. As a biographer, Lewisohn absolutely should take into account the possible bias of any given source, and it's reasonable to assume that Cyn might show some bias towards her mother, given the end result of her relationship with John. However, it's one thing to suggest the possibility that tensions were higher than Cynthia portrayed, and another thing entirely to definitively state they were without giving a source for this conflicting account.

Twist p.51-54 vs. Tune In 16-27

We’ve got a few problems here. First, Cyn does not mention Dot going along to take photobooth shots with her in Twist (see above) and John (p.55). I believe there’s an anecdote about Cyn and Dot taking pictures of each other at home to send to John and Paul, but the photobooth story only features Cyn.

The next issue: “Quasimodo.” I have to admit I don’t like the way Lewisohn writes about John mocking the disabled. It’s one thing to use the offensive language John would have used at the time (“cripple”) in quotes, or to indicate to the reader that John was using derogatory language, but Lewisohn leans really hard into it. He seems to relish using “cripple” or “cripping” whenever possible. In this instance, Cyn tells us that John sent her pictures of himself as a hunchback. Lewisohn says he did the shots as “Quasimodo.” I’m not sure if the implication is that John was doing a particular character bit, or if “Quasimodo” is a stand-in for any hunchback—is it like calling any tissue a Kleenex?

Lastly, Lewisohn describes John’s correspondence as “steamy letters, full of sex, passion and cripples.” I don’t think this is an incorrect description, but I do think it erases the depth described by Cyn in both of her memoirs. In Twist, Cyn describes how John would write about their terrible living conditions and bum-deal contract. She also said that “John seemed to be changing” (see p.54, above), becoming less destructive as he spent his time creating music. In John (p.56), Cyn says, “He wrote about every aspect of their stay, including those he would never have wanted his family to know about.” By Cyn’s account, she was John’s confidante, an important outlet during a period of trouble, change, and creativity, but Lewisohn hones in on the horniness and the goofy/offensive pictures.

Twist p.78, John p.91 vs. Tune In 30-37

Omission without ellipsis.

Twist p.76-77, It’s Only Love website vs. Tune In 30-39

This particular discrepancy between Tune In and its sources was covered well by @anotherkindofmindpod. If you haven't listened to their Fine Tuning series yet--get on it, brother!--you can hear the relevant portion at ~1:06:09 in Episode 9:

I'll spare you my own analysis--AKOM has said what needs to be said--but I'll share the passages here for those of you who like a visual reference. First, from Twist:

The other source Lewisohn gives is the It's Only Love website. Their page about Dot Rhone can be found here. The color choices at the source can be difficult to read, so I'll copy the relevant passage here:

Then Brain Epstein became the Beatles manager. "He said we couldn't go to the concert's [sic] anymore. We obeyed him. We were very annoyed but we thought, if it helped their careers we would do it... I could see that Paul wa [sic] growing away from me. I knew what was coming. And all these years he had been having his bits on the side and it was getting so easy for him. he [sic] was young and he couldn't resist. That was a time of sadness but also release. I didn't keep trying so hard or worrying about trying to keep up, or saying the right things or not having my hair right or not being enough fun"      The relationship ended in the Summer of 1962 when The Beatles were weeks away from national fame. Dorothy will never forget the night Paul visited her and told her they had to break up. He called unexpectedly at her flat when she was wearing her mother's cami-knickers and a baggy old sweater, with her hair in rollers. "Paul said we'd been going out so long that it was either get married or split up. He said 'I don't want to get married, so even though I love you we'll have to finish.' He didn't cry but I knew he felt badly and he was sorry, just by the way he looked. I burst out crying. I said how can you do this? What am I going to do? I thought he might come back because it had been three years, but I suppose really I knew."

Emphasis mine; those are the passages quoted in Tune In.

Finally, here's Lewisohn's version:

In pink, we have Lewisohn's misrepresentation of Cyn's account of the breakup. Note the wildly different timbre. In green and yellow, we have Dot's account from It's Only Love. At the source, the green text comes after the yellow text, seemingly in response to a different question in the original interview.

A note about Lewisohn’s source: It’s Only Love is a fansite devoted to the Beatles’ wives, girlfriends, and rumored flings. The last update is from November 2007. I don’t have any reason to doubt the information on this page (it’s not like Mark Lewisohn is the webmaster), but it’s not rigorously cited. There’s a partial list of sources on the Dot Rhone page that lists a few books, a “Dorothy Rhone interview October 1997”, and ends with “various Beatles and McCartney biographies.” I have found no indication which quotes on the page come from which source—which is fine. It’s a fansite from the early to mid 2000s. That said, if I was writing a doorstopper of a biography, I would hesitate to use that as a source.

I’ve done some digging to try to find the referenced October 1997 interview but have not had any luck. I’m not the world’s greatest internet sleuth, though, so if anyone is familiar with that interview, please let me know!

Sources:

It's Only Love [Internet]. c2005? Dot Rhone. [cited 2024 Feb 2]. Available from: https://sentstarr.tripod.com/beatgirls/rhone.html

Lennon C. 1978. A Twist of Lennon. New York (NY): Avon Books. 190p.

Lennon C. 2005. 1st American Edition. John. New York (NY): Crown Publishers. 294p.

[ifuckingloveryoshu]

Developing Minds: Early Childhood

=p light talk of politics probably. (not about the election at least, dont worry.) Also not alot of talk about Ryoshu. Sorry in advance.

Montessori - Child-centered program for children focused on children's structured and individual projects. Follows Maria Montessori's teaching ( i guess. the text book definition is vauge. This has more adult guidance than the other two.)

Reggio Emilia - Hands-on activities for children like drawing, cooking, and garderning in a controled enviornment. Emphasis on creativity and child choice, expensive to run.

Waldorf School - Focused on individuality, emotional development and social development. Older kids are responsible for mentoring younger kids.

School Voucher - Money the government gives for parents to admit their children to what schools they'd like. (Example: money to get into a private school)

NAEYC - National Association for The Education of Young Children (an association advocating for high quality early-childhood education

Summary of options:

Busy Bees Family Childcare: Inexpensive, woman running certified by state, tv in the back a bit of a red flag (because woman might just be watching tv instead of watching the children or letting the kids watch tv which is less than optimal because they must engage in pysical activity. Very atractive option for working parents to drop off kids.

This is how I honestly think more reputable childcare in the Backstreets would work minus the virtual classroom zoom call concept found in Distortion Detective. )

Lil' Kidz Preschool: Two licenced teachers, inexpensive, basic good developmental goal, solid choice.

Wee Angels Early Learning Center: Religon affiliated, bible-based curriculum, uniforms. ( respectfully not my thing. )

Hilltop School: NAEYC acredited, expensive, Reggio Emillia school

Valley School: Expensive NAEYC acredited Montessori

Street Side Early Learning Center: Giving tablets to children at such a young age is bad for their health. Seems very controled, zero play when play is important for early child development (Yuzu is a little toldler right now.)

Verdict: Lil' Kidz Preschool is the safest bet for lower income middle class. Even if this at the start placed me into an upper income bracet, I don't care. The only 'wrong answer' is Street Side Learning Center. The rest depend on you and your partners own personal values/beleifs. Lil' Kidz Preschool was closest to what I personally know so there's a big bias there. Also, I'm very stingy with money. Hot tip I learned from my class: cost of schooling will not insure the quality of education. It only matters on the types of people who work at these early education places. Do not be deceived.

The political thing: Public schooling is underfunded meaning less quality education if you don't fork up money. That's where government vouchers come in, to supposedly close in finacial gap when education isn't good. But who is eligible to receive these vouchers? Why do we need to relay on vouchers when this money can go into funding public education for the better? What happens when the money from the vouchers aren't enough and the parents can't pay. Additionally, (correct me if im wrong.) as shitty as school meals are, public education is an important resource for less fortunate chidlren to have something to eat, vouchers will not provide this. It's all systematic issuses from top to bottom with education and its sad. Children are supposed to be our future and by strattling education, our future is effectivly shot in the foor, put into the hands of unlicenced educators teaching god knows what, then thursted back into a world that seems unforgiving, uncaring of their strife. No wonder a majority of people lack empathy for their fellow humans. That's not the optimal way to survive.

Quality education is imperative for change to occur. Readers in the US, please attend a school board meeting once in your life and watch. I'm not telling you what to think. The vocal minorty of those meetings will shape the early curriculum, setting a presedent for the future. It is one form of local government, perhaps one of the easiest to engadge in next to town or city council meetings. It is also heartbreaking and disheartening to sit through a lot but you must be aware of the physical community around you. Admitedly, I too neglect and haven't engadged a lot but the one school board meeting I atteneded was life-changing. Just give it a shot if you can, or don't, not my problem.

This happens because the child knows one rule of grammer and automatically thinks it applies to everything now. I think this is Logical Externtion, could be wrong. Logical Extention for sure is when a child sees something like shrek then calls anything that's the color of green color shrek.

The Marshmallow test is a popular test done on children to predict how their future will be. Saving the marshmallow supposedly means the child is patient and will grow sucessful in the future. Eating the marshmallow means the child is impulsive and will be less successful in the future. ( if you already think of problems with this method, your right! )

Sorry. Hes being parented by me and Ryoshu of all people.

Good run. Good run.

I answered wrong, oof.

Horray.

He got that from me, yes. He got that from both his parents, supprisingly Ryoshu would swear less than I do around the child. But also I'm more verbal and social so that's more oppertunities to slip up and swear.

You little peice of shit /affectionate

And I hit the image limit so ill be continuting on another post

[castlebyersafterdark]

who from the main cast do you think will have the most successful post ST career?

Very interesting!! Now, I don't know all of the cast's careers equally as thorough, but these are my thoughts from what I do know. Would love to hear other's takes as well to fill in where I might not know the cast as well! I'm going to do the older teens and the party. In no particular order:

Finn - Already a huge star. I think he'll continue to be successful if he stays acting, but I do see him stepping more into directing/writing maybe. And working on his lil indie music hobby. If he acts more, maybe he'll take a role here or there, and I hope he takes more interesting things as he gets older (not that he's been in a string of duds, but I'd hope he branches out into something fresh and not another IP style franchise media immediately). A while ago I remember talking about him maybe doing a cool period piece or a retro comedy movie. I wish he was a lead in the SNL movie, I think that's his sweet spot. I think he's going to be very successful and remain publicly in the industry. I will be following his career the most out of everyone here so, admitted bias.

Noah - very difficult to say at this point. I think it depends on if he decides to continue school, lean into his entrepreneurship and business ventures. He's a very good actor, but I really don't know what kind of roles he's actually looking to take. I think he's said he's more interested in drama movies and I know this is a little type-casty, but I would adore if he becomes a new scream king. Dramatic horror/thrillers but quality, smaller films. I'd love for him to lead an era of queer horror films but I honestly don't really think that's what he'd be into, as much as I personally would love that. He has the range though! It's really hard to say how good of an acting career he'll have because I have to be honest - if he curates his craft he could find a lot of success but I can also see him fading a bit in the acting world and please don't get upset with me for that!! It's just an analysis of the career he's had so far and the crossroads he'll face once the series is over if his role choices are off. An honest read.

Millie - She's gonna have kids with baby Jovi and sell her skincare and ghostwrite shitty books. JK JK sorry for the shade, I'm just not a Millie fan haha oops. But I'm super not sure about her. She's a huge celebrity with a huge fanbase, but now that her Netflix contract is up, right?? Is she marketable and good enough of an actress to land lead roles in things? I think she's going to have a few big roles and those movies will be critically panned and she'll fade away for a bit, and then a decade or so later after a huge flop she'll land something surprising and fall into the spotlight again, but only for a little while. I could be wrong and misunderstand the Millie effect, bit that's how I feel.

Caleb - I feel like he's got talent, he's going to get a steady stream of work in film and other campaigns. He has the makings of being a really good dramatic actor when he's a little older, we'll have to wait and see. But he has the low-key acting chops and needs a little more meat on his resume. He's got promise.

Gaten - I don't know much about him and I love him but I also share the same worries that he himself has expressed in interviews I believe. Nerves about the future after the show. I see him more in television over movies. I don't actually know much about broadway so I'm not sure what his career there was like or if he could break back in. Big difference between child actors on bway and adult acting if I would guess correctly.

Sadie - Promising career, I feel like she could be up for the awards show circuit if she lands decent roles in the future. She could have an Emma Stone type career. Depends on the right roles. But I think she'll have longevity in the industry. Interesting, pretty redheads with dramatic acting chops and high fashion leanings tend to have the potential to go really far.

Charlie and Natalia - I'm putting them on the same page because I equally don't know much about them and I think they'll equally get the same amount of work. I think they're just kinda fucking around and traipsing lazily through Hollywood. Unsure. They're so weird. But, good for them?

Joe Keery - I don't know much about this man and I always refer to him by his full name for some reason. He's a singer? No idea the popularity level there, wasn't my type of music so I never looked too deep into it. No idea what he does outside of Stranger Things. He is an enigma but not one that captivates me. (I have nothing against him I just never really felt an interest in him as an actor even if I really do like Steve).

Maya - Well, she's industry famous already, she'll have a career as long as she wants it. She'll have steady work, unsure how big she'll be. But I think it's as big as she wants it to be personally, what type of projects she wants to work on. I think she's one of the better young actors in the cast. She's probably the one with the most choice in terms of future career.

[zoekrystall]

I started to bash on german the better I got in english especially regarding dubs (didn't help I was a stereotypical pretentious annoying lil kid) and I am so glad it was likely really just a kid phase bc I am rewatching detective conan in german (and once I hit where they're not getting dubbed anymore I switch to sub bc I do dislike names getting anglicized and I am very glad the ger dub kept the og japanese names, exceptions when I grew up w the anglicized names) and it is so so comfy. The dub is also just plain good imo and the voices are so nice to hear again I am so glad I found a site that got shows in german (ty katrielle layton anime for apparently only being available in japanese and german and me deciding "well I can speak german so why not check it out", nice voice acting but not up my alley).

I do still usually keep away from eng by anime bc I am a sub over dub person and I find most... not that good.. but I stopped to play part in the debate bc I'm sure all VAs try their best. Not for me but if you like em I'm happy for ya. And also in ger it is hit or miss when the og language is eng do I stick to that which is usually the case. Idk if it is just my perception or if it really did but german dubs kinda worsened but who knows maybe I just catched the ones w bad production on that part (reg ops we got nice ones but I was happy to learn others learned abt the one we got for naturo bc. yeah). Like purely anime speaking I think the cartoons and shows on tv are fine. Minus julien bam as sonic in the movies I still can't get over that but no hate towards him I just find the youtuber as voice actor thing always baffling no matter which language (also dislike the celebrity bias in every country. yes that person is famous but do they actually fit that role + voice acting and actor require different skill sets).

I think I started to bash so much on ger bc "og language always better" and sometimes yeah and I do watch if possible in the og w subs so nothing gets lost (that doesn't have to) but where that opinion makes a turn for the worse is if you start to become pretentious about it and everyone who chooses another option is somehow worse than you. Counts for every opinion that obv isn't debating human life. Honestly I adore polls but that's also why people need to zip it with their snarky comments in the answers or also on quizzes, I do have to admit those where op smacks (right answer) or smth on the one that almost no-one clicked on are funny to see though. A bit of banter is fine imo but there are some that are just really not necessary.

Anyways it is kinda funny how I thought one piece would surely get me into anime again bc I do adore it since like kindergarten and it'll forever be in my heart but nope detective conan it is. Ig the aspect of finding out together who the culprit might be is fun next to being able to do other things meanwhile bc I don't have to read. I think I got into conan at age 14? 15? Feels like decades ago though. I don't think I really understood why others rewatch things until now. Like I got it like yeah comfort but not the extend. I always tried not to rewatch bc "I got so much stuff I can't waste time with the same" (<- has replayed okami a lot on wii and now switch while having gaming backlog since forever, replayed bratz the movie on ps2 almost yearly as kid, etc) but I luckily start to go into "who cares" mode fully and it's really nice. I truly get it now.

[just-a-ho-for-yugioh]

[chans-bad-girl]

Hi Hi

Just wondering how you think all the members would do aftercare as either a reaction or headcanon?

You asked and here it is:

Stray kids headcanon: aftercare

Genre: mainly fluffy, suggestive/slightly smutty

Warnings: mentions of sex

I would recommend anybody under 16 to get off this post!

Chan

at first he will hug you close so you won't leave to pee

but eventually gives in because he's tired and still in post-orgasm mood

when you're back, he'll give you mindless kisses on your had and brush your hair with his fingers for until you fall asleep

although he has issues with falling asleep, whenever he's with you he feels a bit more relaxed even when he's struggling

he's just a big man baby after his orgasm pls take care of him thanks

Minho

usually just lets you go pee

apart from a few times where he cleans you up because you just did some pet play and he can't help it

also...the type to ask you how it was lol

but he knows you loved it because "why else would you have shouted your pleas like the neighbors don't already know I take care of you well?"

loves to just lie there because he's sweaty and talk with you for a bit until you both fall asleep

absolutely lives for your little snores and records them sometimes so he has blackmail material for when you kidnap his cats to your flat 👀

Changbin

he loves going rough on you

but once he's done cleaning you up, he tries to make sure you're 100% alright and don't need anything

will also start talking about the next day and how you could spend it

smirks at you when you end up talking about sex again

"I know you can't go a day without me railing you but we just finished, damn."

Hyunjin

has no idea that girls need to pee after sex (!!) so he legit just thinks you need a second every time after sex to be alone

will get so shy when you find that out and tell him it's got nothing to do with him lol

either giggles after sex

or is just a heavy breathing mess with his hair all over his face and his limbs sprawled out, some entangled with yours

"we should do this again. like every day."

Jisung

shy. bean.

during sex he couldn't be more of a show off because, at his core, he loves acting all cocky and performing his skills and giving his all

but right as the lust wanes off, he realizes just how vulnerable you guys are

so he will need a minute until he shows his face to you again

perfect time for you to take your piss lol

eventually gets over it and can look you in the eyes again

"wanna play animal crossing?"

Felix

blows out the candles before allowing himself to calm down

then dedicates his time to you

he knows about the peeing after sex thing and all that but he still high-key gets offended at you leaving lol

"Hey, stay!"

his light-hearted side comes out

(except when you decide to take a shower later because then that side just, jumps out for a min and he's all over you the next)

loves hugging you like a coala with all his limbs around you while you lie on the bed

oh and let's not forget he will smile at you like a teenager in love and hold your hands like you're the most precious thing that he has ever held

(is it obvious he's my bias? ndnjejejd)

Seungmin

lets you do your thing in the bathroom while he rearranges the sheets

will probably take a shower (with you?👀)

massages your skull and lets you fall asleep first

might sing you a lil lullaby if he feels like it

gets a little shy but would never admit it so he goes big spoon mode

probably wakes up earlier than you the next morning and because his love language is (silent) acts of service and words of affirmation (prove me wrong, you can't), he makes you pancakes and writes you a sticky note that says "hope you have a great day and aren't too sore from yesterday xD)

Jeongin

honestly doesn't really know what to do with himself

somehow you ended up bent over the kitchen counter so now that it's over, he feels a bit too exposed

will walk to the bedroom to change into a tank top and joggers just to make you horny again

your fault if you walk in front of him when going to the bathroom

your ass gets him every time

doesn't really do too much aftercare or any "cute stuff"

but definitely tries to make sure you're cool (and up for another round lol)

[juniorgman187]

About Time (Reid Fic)

Summary: Reader’s offer to help Morgan renovate one of his properties makes Spencer jealous enough to confess what he never could before. 

A/N: I try to avoid specific Reid eras in my works so that it can be up to you how you imagine him, but please just imagine seasons 1 or 2 Spencer - I’m telling you it’ll make the experience richer. Also, I might improve this fic in the near future bc I’m not entirely happy with it. Category: Drabble, Fluff Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Content Warning: None Word Count: 2.5k Playlist: Would You Be So Kind by Dodie

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　

Clink … Clink … Clink … 

The repetitive noise was barely discernible at first, then it became all that I could focus on. 

In an attempt to find the source, I looked up from my paperwork and scanned the room. It only took me half a second to discover that Morgan was the culprit. 

From across the round table, I watched as Derek absentmindedly stirred his coffee and sugar together, making a ‘clink’ noise each time his spoon hit the rim of the cup. This wouldn’t have been bothersome had it not persisted for more than 10 minutes which, by all accounts, is plenty of time for the sugar to dissolve.

“Derek… ” I sort of sang, trying to capture his attention as nicely as possible. 

“Derek.” I repeated, this time a little less quietly and a little more sharply. Still, my voice did nothing to stop the noisy stirring of his coffee. I stayed silent for a second, just in case he finally noticed I was speaking to him, but when he didn’t, I gave a concerned look to Spencer beside me as if to ask if he was seeing what I was and he returned just the same expression of confusion. 

That’s when I knew something was wrong. 

“Derek!” I said even louder, finally catching his attention. 

His head snapped in my direction, his ghost-like countenance falling away after looking directly at me. I was relieved to see proof of life had been regained behind his eyes. The abrupt reaction made me squint harder in his direction to decipher what was truly going on. “Is everything okay? You were kind of zoning out just now.” 

He sighed while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “It’s nothing. I just had a late night last night and I didn’t go to bed till three this morning.” 

“Oh?” I asked coyly. “And what was her name?” I brought my mug to my lips to hide my growing smirk behind the rim. 

He didn’t catch on right away, which to me was more than enough evidence that he wasn’t well. He was usually the first to be aware of an innuendo, maybe even the one to be making it. “Whose name?”

“The girl that kept you up till three this morning.” I mimicked his voice in crude yet playful imitation.

To this, he shook his head and rolled his eyes with a grin. “Alright, get your pretty lil’ head out of the gutter, Kitten. I was busy fixing up a property I got down in Emporia. Lost track of time. That’s all.”

Whether or not he was hiding something more, I didn’t care anymore. He’d piqued my interest in this new topic. “Emporia? That’s like 2 or 3 hours away.” 

His eyebrows lifted in agreement. “Yeah, like I said - late night.” 

Not even trying to tempt him with my words, I simply remarked, “But I mean it can’t be that hard though, right? Fixing up the house?” 

There was no verbal response from him, only a mirthless chuckle.

I was less careful with my words than I should’ve been, letting them flow through my mouth without filtering them first. “I’m just saying, I worked with Habitat For Humanity for years. We built thousands of houses from scratch, each of them within a matter of days.” 

He sat up in his seat and leaned forward to assert himself. It was nearly the same mannerisms he would display in an interview when he wanted to maintain dominance. “Well, that’s because you got how many people working on one house?” 

When I didn’t answer, he simply tapped the table and leaned back comfortably in his seat, prematurely relishing in a self-proclaimed victory. “Yeah, exactly. Whereas, it’s just little ol’ me fixing up these properties.”

“Okay, then I’ll help you.” 

He only snickered in response, lending way for me to believe he didn’t trust that I’d provide any sort of productive assistance. 

“I will!” I insisted. “Since you’re so convinced those houses were only built as fast as they were because it was a group effort, I want to prove to you that it’s actually because I’m just a fast worker.” 

“It’s not a race, Kitten. All I said was it took me a while to fix up the house. I don’t need you to help. And I wouldn’t be paying you even if you did, by the way.”

“Oh, I’m not doing this for money,” I reasserted. “I’m doing this for pride. I know I’m right, and I want you to know it, too.” 

It’s worth mentioning that Derek and I made these kinds of bets all the time. Our friendship was practically built on the foundation of competition. The first interaction I ever had with him was when he came up to me while I was arranging my desk to ask what I thought the odds were that he could toss his paper ball into the trashcan across the bullpen. 

Years Ago . . .

“What are the chances I’ll make the shot?” I heard a deep, unfamiliar voice inquire from behind me.

“You’re aiming for the trashcan all the way over there? No way.” This voice I knew was Elle’s. She’d been the second person to introduce herself to me and if I had to guess, the deeper voice belonged to the guy I recalled sitting diagonally from her. I made eye contact with him when I initially walked in, but he hadn’t taken the time to introduce himself to me, nor I to him. He seemed a little preoccupied … making a paper ball and all. 

“Actually, if Morgan’s throw had specific arc, the trajectory of the ball would -”

“He’s not making it, Reid.” Elle cut off the small, almost mousy voice promptly, shutting down any ‘pro-Morgan-making-the-shot’ argument he was about to make. 

You could get a lot from just listening. Some might call it eavesdropping, but I like to call it being observant, and from what I’d observed 

A) The one throwing the ball was Morgan. 

B) The smart-sounding one was Reid. 

C) Reid was a proponent of Morgan, so I could assume they were close friends. 

D) There were three very distinct, very different personalities in this general vicinity of desks alone. 

“O’ ye of little faith! Gimme a break, Elle. You’re just busting my balls ‘cause Reid came to me about Lila before he came to you.” 

“That has nothing to do with the fact that I’m right.”

“No, but it means you have bias.” Derek retorted.

“Fine then. If it means that much to you to have an unbiased opinion, let’s ask someone impartial - like Anderson.”

“Actually, I have a better idea,” The deep voice said as soon as I’d placed the last item on my desk - a stack of sticky notes in the shape of a cat’s face that’d been gifted to me the moment I exited the elevator by Penelope Garcia. 

“Excuse me, Kitten,” The deep voice purred. “You think I could get this ball into that trash bin right over there?” 

It took me a second to register that he was addressing me until I realized where the nickname originated from and that it had belonged to me - I could thank Penelope for that.

“Oh, um …” I looked around the room like somehow it would have my answer. In some ways, it did. 

I made contact with Reid first. He smiled weakly at me with tender awkwardness that melted my heart a little bit. Meanwhile, Elle’s eyes were luring me to join her on the dark side and say he wouldn’t make it. To be fair, riling him up seemed like fun. I’d be on Elle’s good side, gain her approval, and if I executed my jest playfully enough, I’d be on Morgan’s good side, too.

“No shot in hell, big guy.” 

Present Time . . .

That’s how it all started - this sibling-like rivalry. Ever since then, we’ve been challenging each other like our lives depended on it. And if I had to make it my life’s mission to win this most recent bet, then so be it. 

“Alright, kitten, I’ll take you up on that offer. I’ll pick you up at 9 on Saturday.” 

We sealed the deal with a cross-table handshake, and at that moment, I hadn’t realized it - only when I thought back to it, did I notice - Reid had been watching the entire interaction unfold. Misinterpreting every painstaking second of it. 

_ _ _

Sticking true to his word, Derek had taken up my offer in spades. Not the least bit shy in delegating me each and every duty there could possibly be. 

I’ll admit, he used my pride to his advantage. Because while I was practically doing all the handy-work imaginable inside the property, he was resting on his laurels outside, probably taking up the view of rolling green hills that went on forever just beyond the front yard. 

It just so happened that that would be our maintained, respective locations for the unexpected arrival of Derek’s very first (very unhappy) guest.

I was inside painting when I heard the placid squeak of Derek getting up from his Adirondack chair on the wraparound porch. I remember peeking my head out of the doorway for a second to see if he was finally going to come inside and help me, but lo and behold, I caught him walking further away from the entrance. While I might’ve given an eye roll of annoyance at the action, I thought nothing of it. Not until I heard Derek speaking to an eerily familiar secondary voice. 

“What are you doing here?” I could hear Derek ask. My ears had perked up like a dog on high alert. 

“Don’t play dumb. You’re trying to … to -” The second voice stammered. 

“Spit it out, kid!” 

“You’re trying to steal my girl!” Whoever it was, was desperate to speak with conviction, maybe even malice, to prove some level of strength that could match Derek’s, but they tried and failed. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Steal your girl? What the hell are you talking about, man?” 

“You know I like her! And yet you’re just hanging out with her alone now? On one of your desolate properties? Can’t you see how suspicious that looks? You’re supposed to be my friend.” 

I’d stopped painting completely at this point so I could take asylum behind the closed door. I could place that voice anywhere, and I needed to press my ear against the only thing separating it from me to confirm what I already knew. 

“Reid, I am your friend,” And there it was. Reid? “And as your friend, I’m telling you: lower your voice unless you want her to hear you.”

“Don’t patronize me. Just tell me,” Spencer, if anything, spoke louder. Perhaps he did want me to hear him, or he simply wanted to defy Derek. “Why do you flirt with her?”

“Flirt?” Derek seemed appalled at the word. It would’ve been offensive that he was disgusted at the thought of engaging with me in that manner had I not felt the same way. What we were doing was not flirting - by any stretch of the imagination. 

“You know what I’m talking about. You call her ‘Kitten,’ you both make sexual innuendos that you think fly over my head, you invite her to come over.” 

“Slow your roll, Pretty Boy. First of all, ‘Kitten’ is just a nickname I gave her the first time we met because I didn’t know what her actual name was. You know that - you were there. Second, the sexual innuendos are just playful jabs at the fact that I sleep around. Low hanging-fruit. Third, inviting her to come over might seem suspicious, but if you walk in there right now, you’ll see that nothing is going on between us. She’s just here to help.”

I wanted any excuse to walk out there myself and announce my nearby presence. Confront Spencer and tell him I heard everything. Ask him where any of this was coming from. How he could think, for even a second, that there was something between me and Morgan. 

Turns out, I didn’t need an excuse. I had already walked out. 

Spencer gulped hard when he saw me. And for that I felt sorry for him. He looked so unlike himself. His hair was disheveled like he’d ran his fingers through it a million times out of stress. His outfit was strangely untidy, the buttons of his cuff unclasped. “Could you ... did you-”

“I heard everything,” I clarified to the dumbfounded shell of a man standing at the base of Morgan’s stairs.

It was a triangle of stares between us all. Exchanging quizzical glances in a battle of wills to see who would fold first. I was looking at Reid, Reid was looking at me, then he looked at Morgan, who looked back at him, then at me. Like I said, a triangle of stares. 

“Um ... I’ll leave you two to talk. I’ll just be inside.” 

I suppose there were worse ways to finally get Morgan off his ass and working. 

Reid trailed Morgan with his eyes, while I simply waited for the sound of the door shutting behind me. It took a few more seconds until one of us had the gall to speak.

“Did you mean what you said? About liking me?” This question that I posed went unanswered for what felt like minutes. Looking at Reid, I could tell he wanted to say something, he just didn’t know what. 

The soul was willing, but the flesh was weak. 

“If you’re not ready to admit it, that’s okay. But then why did you really come here, Spencer? To yell at Morgan for possibly making a move on me? Because now’s your chance. Make your move, Spence.” I descended the stairs, stopping to stand on the very last step so I’d hover a mere inch above him. “Make a move.” 

Make a move, he did.

Warm, clammy hands that were disproportionately bigger than the rest of his body caught my face so that unbelievably, inconceivably soft lips could make their fierce attack with no resistance. His fingers laced through my hair until his hand found the nape of my neck. He used that as leverage to pull me impossibly closer. 

When he was just one step away from sucking my soul out of me, I laid my palm on his chest and pushed him slightly backward. I think I heard him laughing when I did this, probably to hide the shame of letting himself commit so fully to the moment that he forgot just how intense his passion was. 

His eyes fluttered open and his lips were still contorted in a pucker. It took him a second, but it finally came. 

“I meant what I said,” He confessed ever so nonchalantly as though it were the easiest thing in the world to him, despite being unable to come even close to admitting it just minutes before. “I like you. A lot.” 

It was me who laughed then, both from the sheer elation hearing him say that brought me and the distant, exasperated comment that came from within the house. 

“Well, finally! It’s about damn time!” 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

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[lvlyhao]

『you’re dating him but he’s not your bias』

reaction fic; NCT Dream

A/N: this is nct dream’s reaction to realizing your bias is not him (and you’re a couple). gender neutral, got way too deep at some points and was NOT meant to be this long. enjoy.

note that english is my second language and i speak mixing slang, accents and spellings from 3283928 places so i did notice there’s practice written with both s and c down there so

just dont mind it pls

also, today’s photo theme is dream looking cute in low quality shots.

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: fluff (♡), angst (❆), comedy (☼), crack (⍢).

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: lots of swearing, my tough love for the neos, one mention of cheating that doesn’t actually happen, a couple of mentions of alcohol and drinking, some violence hidden in metaphors, me being chaotic, it got a bit more angsty and darker than i intended, but we do have all happy endings.

word count: 6.8K

pairing: nct dream members x reader ( includes mark, renjun, jeno, haechan, jaemin, chenle, jisung)

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Mark

oh, poor baby

i feel like he would be a little heartbroken 

just a little

not so much if it’s someone from dream, because they’re his little brothers, but if it’s one of his hyungs from 127 or wayv,,,,,

boy might cry

he’s not super dramatic about it or anything but i don’t see him as being super confident about himself

so he might think like

“do they think he’s cooler than me?”

and it’s silly, yes, he knows

but it’s just something that pops up in his mind sometimes when you bring him up

so for the sake of this fanfic let’s pretend you’re johnny biased

because gods know i am

at least when it comes to 127

mark would be divided into fanboying with you and being like “YO, HE’S THE COOLEST GUY ON EARTH OH MY GOD I’M SO GLAD YOU AGREE”

and

“a h”

<gives you a little tiny smile to cover up the sound of his heart breaking>

would constantly try to get closer to you when johnny is around, and just

showing off in little (kinda dumb) ways

complimenting you

being even more whipped than usual

like yes he’ll give you all of his watermelon slices just please don’t look at johnny like that again

i think johnny would kind of play into it with the whole “imma steal your s/o” thing

and he doesn’t do it to make mark jealous or hurt

we know he’d rather get hit by a train than ever actually upsetting his son on purpose

but we also know he’s johnny

cue “OH DUDE HE’S FLIRTING”

so yeah he might call you lil pet names (beautiful, cutie, you get it)

just to see you giggle 

(and see your soul leave your body)

might say he’s taking you out for dinner when he’s just driving you to get more ice cream for a movie night with the gang lol

and winks

expect a lot of winks

anywhere and anytime

which makes mark sometimes feel like he’s intruding???

and that you appreciate johnny more than him???

he genuinely doesn’t understand how you can date him and still not have him as your bias

don’t you like, love him above everyone else or smth lol

his “showing off” phase eventually fades tho

now every time you hang you with the boys and johnny is around, he’ll be a bit more distant 

he thinks he’s giving you space to interact with his friends but he’s just shying away from competing with one of his favourite people ever

and it’s a competition that Does Not Exist™

but he’s not 100% aware of that

and you’re not that dense 

so ofc you notice

and you wait till you two are alone to talk to him, and he BEGRUDGINGLY admits that you being johnny biased makes him feel kinda small and unimportant

he’d never try to make you change your bias or anything

he just needs reminders that he’s your #1 boy sometimes

which is fine by you

and by him

cus now it’s you calling him pet names all the time

and hugging him

and kissing his cheek

and praising his work

and blowing kisses from across the room

and just telling him straight up that no matter what, you’ll always go to him

(not that you ever had any chance with johnny lmao)

THIS GOES TO SHOW COMMUNICATING IS KEY, CHILDREN

COMMUNICATE

Renjun

wym donghyuck is your bias lol

literally are you fucking kidding him

don’t get me wrong ok

everyone knows renjun loves haechan

they’re bffs and could not live without each other

but at the same time,,,

what is wrong with you

who did he choose as his s/o gods help him

if it was jeno, or mark, or jaehyun, or winwin, or kun, or lucas, or yuta, or taeyong, or ten, or,,,,

literally ANY of his other members

he’d understand your point and be like “ok fine”

but haechan???? hmmm bestie no

he’s not gonna throw a fit

not after the first time you told him anyways

HE WAS SURPRISED OKAY

and he just whined very loudly after having laughed for 5 minutes thinking it was a joke

<flashbacks of that one time he had to sing the ottoke song with haechan on weekly idol>

if you don’t know that iconic scene, renjun had a whole ass meltdown in 3 seconds while yelling “aAAAAAH JINJJAAAAA” and getting ready to punch the living shit out of hyuck

for no reason other than the fact that it’s haechan we’re talking about and injun’s little body is filled with rage

BACK ON TRACK

would probably try to act all cool about it and be like “i don’t mind” but bruh does he mind

and it doesn’t help that haechan is such a little shit about it

he doesn’t even flirt with you

he just

constantly reminds renjun that he’s your bias—not him—and then constantly praises himself over you

“ah, y/n~ did you choose me as your bias because i’m the best vocalist? or was it because i’m the best dancer? mAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE OF MY OH SO BROAD SHOULDERS—”

(pause for injun to punch him)

(unpaused)

and ok in the beginning it was funny seeing him all worked up but now it’s just annoying to be in the same room as these two

haechan won’t let either of you live

and renjun just wants to

fight

so it eventually gets to the point where you’ll talk to renjun and jeno will talk to hyuck cus even the other dreamies are tired of it

except maybe for chenle, he always laughs his ass off when they start bickering

ANYWAY

your conversation goes something like “oh my god renjun i’m literally dating you, i don’t like haechan better or anything you little pile of fury”

while jeno sits hyuck down in front of him and jaemin and just

“bro why are you like this”

“bro”

no but renjun would apologize for going overboard with his protectiveness and jealous energy because he’s not generally like that

he’s angry all the time but never about something involving you, you know

he tries his best to treat you like the royalty you are

but something about hyuck being your bias makes him feel a bit like a castaway???

he’s very creative and as an artsy kid myself i know we’re very prone to feeling left out because we’re just different from the others

so he’d think maybe haechan really has a better voice

or better dancing skills

or he looks better

he is taller than injun after all, and has broader shoulders, and his hair is all fluffy and—

the whole thing just made him insecure about things he had settled with himself long ago

he was fine with being him

but not so much when it came to that

i don’t think you two would fight over it cus tbh i think renjun would really only get with someone who can be very understanding of him

and i think hyuck would actually apologize to renjun too

not when everyone’s around but like, maybe after dinner or something and he just needs to feel like they’re besties again

hyuck never meant for things to get out of control

he just really likes both injun and you as his friends, and aside from skinship his most prominent love language is,,,

teasing

he was really just trying (very poorly) to grow closer to the person his best friend loves so much—you—because renjun is SUCH a big part of his life it would just feel wrong to not be good friends with you as well

don’t tell them i said this but they hug it out

injun strikes me as someone that could take a bit of time to bounce back from something that hurt his pride or his sense of belonging

and his way of healing and bonding is just,,,

art

sure, keep being haechan biased, but also please read with him

and talk about his fantastic animal creations

and watch those buzzfeed unsolved alien theory videos because he really wants to discuss it and maybe even draw what he thinks the aliens look like

hyuck tones it down, you make sure renjun knows you like him for him, renjun starts to (secretly) appreciate hyuck’s talent along with you...

and now let’s take a moment to imagine the minute you watch their latest mv with injun by your side

and yes okay the first thing you see is CLEARLY how good renjun looks because holy fucking shit he’s an angel (and i’m clearly not renjun biased)

but then,,,,,,

wAS THAT A HAECHAN HIGH NOTE

(there’s always a haechan high note, just look for it)

and ok maybe he did scream a bit with you because of how good it all sounded

and you know what, it works out perfectly bc you two are my new otp and you were meant for each other

but we do have to mention the eventual happening of chenle saying like “oOoOoOoH y/N wErE yOu dRoOliNg oVeR hAeChAn AgAiN” after a special stage

and then you, injun and hyuck all attempt to choke him

i’m kidding

or not

Jeno

ah, lee jeno

aka samoyed boi

yes i do call him that no i will not stop

everyone is always writing jeno as being super protective and literally about to burst a lung if someone else ever does as much as look at you

but i just 

don’t see him that way

he’s a taurus and from what i know about taurus they can be v v jealous, yes, but they mainly seek comfort

so he’s fine with you biasing jaemin

as long as you’re not ditching him or anything lol

and ok, imma be 100% honest here even if it sounds like literal no fun (jenojaem wink wonk)

jaemin doesn’t flirt with you

not any more than he flirts with

every other breathing creature

ever

he’s really only platonically interested in you, never remotely romantic or anything lol

on the other side, he is in love with jeno

basically, if jaemin is your bias, jeno is his

so nothing really changes

we know how nomin are, okay

they hold hands, they stare deeply into each other eyes, they nearly kiss at least once every time they go live

it's just them

you gotta respect it bruh

i know this is the most boring reaction ever so let’s create the one (1) instance where jeno would actually dislike that you bias someone else

i think he would feel a bit hurt if you seemed to be more supportive of jaemin’s work than his

and it’s not something big or on purpose

it’s just something like going with him to a recording session but not going with jeno because you have homework

or after a very busy practise day going to praise jaemin first

even if it’s just three words

“you did good”

and then you’re going towards him, he’s gonna feel like maybe he doesn’t deserve your praise as much as nana????

i actually feel like, among the dreamies, jeno is the least confident one when it comes to his performance

he knows he’s not an awful rapper or anything but i think it can be a bit too much, being around such bright and huge presences like the others while his nickname literally means “no fun”

his members are just so loud and full of energy most of the time

and sometimes he just really needs to be quiet and observe in silence 

(yes i do know he’s chaotic and a crackhead, i’m just saying as we know he can be a bit introspective)

so what if you just

stopped seeing him?

did he become invisible to you?

did you finally fall for jaemin’s beautiful smile and stupid pick-up lines?

he’s not gonna let it show that he’s affected, though

earth signs are nearly always the ones to “stay strong” because we have this image that people are relying on us???

so we do what we do

bottle everything up and overwork ourselves bc we only got two modes

1. chill, super balanced and down to earth (ay for the pun)

2. please make us take a break we’re literally about to cry if we work for one more minute but we can’t allow ourselves to fucking take it easy

so yes you’ve guessed correctly, we’re going with 2

jeno is going to go so, SO hard on everything he does 

literally every single activity you can think of from dance practice to photoshoots to cooking for the dreamies

he stays up later than usual to get that one tricky move in the choreo just right

he works out more because he thinks he has to look absolutely perfect for when they shoot the mv

jisung asked for ramen? he’s making it but you bet your ass he’s spending over 40 minutes just chopping so

many

vegetables

AND STUFF THAT JISUNG WON’T EVEN EAT

but he’s doing it anyway for the reason being that it just has to be the Best™

and it’s not like he’s competing with anyone else to be diligent

this is just about being better than he was and showing himself—and maybe you—how painstakingly hardworking and driven he can be

maybe then you’re gonna acknowledge him as much as you acknowledge nana :((

:(((((

writing this is making me downright sad, jeno is so underrated and unaware of his power UGH

and i need to point out this is NOT about making you change your bias from jaemin to him, this is solely about having you recognize his efforts, even if you already do

if you just thought jeno was like going off in work because it was asked of him to, jaemin would DEF notice and talk to you about it

turns out it’s a habit of jeno to go extra hard sometimes and he needs someone to make him take a break

so it goes down like you breaking into the practice room when jeno and jisung were practising

the first reaction is confusion

the second is oh hey babe how are you

third is

a-are you dragging jeno and his bag out of the door while screeching at jisung to order pizza and doughnuts for everyone??

yes you are and i’m proud of you

so jeno is still confused and making those cute “hUh” noises he does omg i love him so much

and you’re just rambling about how much of an amazing artist he is, and you love his voice, and he’s a fantastic dancer, and his expressions and gestures are on point, and he takes such good care of the dreamies and

he’s perfect

and he knows jaemin must have talked to you, and he feels so vulnerable to have you know how on edge he’s been

baby boy just needs some rest

and that’s exactly what you give him, with a bath full of those fancy bath bombs and flower petals and candles at your house/apt

then a quick sheet mask while you massage his shoulders and keep saying how much you genuinely admire him

the mask might be ruined cus he started crying out of exhaustion

after that’s been done and you’ve hugged for at least like 5 min nonstop, you head over to the dorms, where hyuck was in charge of setting up a blanket fort while mork and nana gather board games, jisung gets the food and chenle

well chenle just had to make sure jisung doesn’t forget to order for someone and doesn’t break like 10 plates trying to set the table lol

this is way longer than the others so imma wrap it up

make it obvious and loud that you see and respect jeno’s hard work and he’ll be alright again

and maybe make those game nights a weekly thing when possible, it would make him very happy

he’ll never again feel sad when you praise jaemin cus now he’s sure he does enough, and above all, he is enough

Haechan

haechan = full sun

why would you ever bias someone when you’re dating the goddamned sun

does not understand

but also does not care that much

actually, one out of two really depending on who your bias is

if it’s one of the members he has that tom/jerry relationship with, prepare for so

much

complaining

and clinging

AND HE’D BE SO LOUD OH MY FUCKING GOD

donghyuck please stop screaming about doyoung not deserving to be your baby’s bias, it’s 2 am

on the other hand, if it’s one of the (few) members he,,,

adores with all of his heart and is not afraid to show it

ex: sungchan, jaehyun, taeil and yang2x

then you can bet he’s going to be right beside you whenever you feel like throwing a fit because he’s just so handsome and talented

IF IT’S MARK OSHDISJD

i’m going to write you as being mark biased ok? ok

i honestly don’t know if he’d feel more jealous of mark or of you

he loves you both

a lot,,,,

and he really doesn’t like it when mark blushes when you compliment him

and he doesn’t like it when mark literally just walks past you and you trip over your feet because bro tf u doing, that’s some embarrassing shit

lowkey done with you two

but also PAY HIM SOME ATTENTION

or don’t, he’s fine either way (cue crossed arms and staring at you from across the room until you come give him a kiss)

“he’s pretty cute but i’m cuter right baby”

pouty pouty pouty if he ever feels neglected

will be so fucking annoying lmao i can’t write haechan, i love him but i do understand why renjun is always trying to beat him up

he’d be a show-off in a different way than mark because he can be so petty

will take every chance he gets to pull a one-liner

will sing everything he has to say just so you know he can hit those high notes

what do you mean dream doesn’t have a schedule today

oh man, he could swear they did

because that is the sole reason why he’s wearing his most expensive clothes and shoes + makeup to walk around the dorms, yes

no he doesn’t want to impress you

shut up

will text you like every single fancam he sees on twitter

every

single 

one

and are they mark’s?

lol no, they’re his

he is so genuinely trying to make you a member of his sunflower cult 

<whispers> “tell me i’m your bias” 

“donghyuck what the actual hell why are you standing at the end of my bed in the middle of the night like a fucking demon child”

he really wants to act all cool and composed but he wants to be your bias so fucking bad

he’s a bad bitch all around and just does whatever

cus haechan privilege

and he tends to not care about what people say and think???

bc he knows he’s lee donghyuck

he’s fully aware of the effect he has on people

but you

not biasing him

naw, he can’t take it

will do anything and everything he can to make you say, JUST ONE TIME, he’s your bias

then you can go back to loving (his) mark

so for your sake, for his sake, for mark’s sake

just give donghyuck what he wants

i can promise he’ll keep being an ass no matter what you do

like yeah did you just buy him coffee and his favourite cake? well that’s sweet but iS HE YOUR BIAS YET

“aw babe thanks so much for taking a bullet for me but now please say i’m your bias”

if you still don’t do it, it’s time to be extra petty

will actually drop you for mark

his logic is something like: he can’t be your bias? pity, so he’s just gonna date him instead

and mark is mark so he has no idea what’s going on

everyone in 127 and dream finds this absolutely hilarious cus suddenly donghyuck seems to be doing his best to win over mark’s heart and i mean more than usual???? and he’s treating you like his bro????

<you leaving the dorms to go to uni or smth so you go to hyuck for a goodbye kiss> “no can do, i’m committed”

“i’m your partner”

“no that’s mark”

it’s not 100% a joke when i say i can see him getting down in one knee to propose to mark while making eye contact with you to

assert his dominance

and mark is just

“dude

what HAHAHA”

and you are so done, i’m so sorry you have to go through that bby

i don’t think there’s another way to fix haechan other than just admitting he was your bias for an era, or a comeback or something

like yeah with the other dreamies before him it’s bonding + healing time bc i wrote it all kinda angsty (lol sorry) but with donghyuck

no

“will you stop this if i say you were my bias during reload era”

“mark wasn’t in dream that era tho”

“yes i know”

i say he’s gonna take what he can get and now things can finally go back to normal

with the exception that something else comes along with hyuck being satisfied with you biasing him

he just has a full pass to fanboy over mark now too

what am i talking about?

new 127 mv is out

you: watching it beside haechan and going off about how pretty mark looks

him: going off even harder bc he’s whipped too

this is what a happy couple looks like 

but now i pity mark because he has you two idiots fanboying over him irl

savemork2021

Jaemin

nana is just such a chill and fun guy

i can’t see him being actually jealous or anything if he finds out you bias someone else

and so the two of you become insufferable together

bitch, i’m telling you

he (ur bias) is not gonna have one peaceful day ever again in his entire life

cus you know the thing jaemin does where he just looks at someone doing some random shit and goes “oOoOoH sExY”

yes that thing

he’s doing it to your bias 

and you’re doing it too

and your bias probably wants to run away to some very far away land

PLEASE IF IT’S JISUNG

i’m not gonna write this whole thing as if you bias him but let’s just imagine

two fully grown people

pilling on top of poor, poor park jisung playing games on his phone

“URI JISUNGIEEEEEE

MWOYA, MWOYAAAA~"

i genuinely think he would avoid being around you two at the same time

cus individually he can handle it

like yes y/n please let me go this hug has lasted for about 4 minutes now

or oh hi jaemin hyung my cheeks hurt when you pinch them that hard

but when you two are together

bruh

a power couple not bc you two are v confident or some shit but bc you can and will be extremely affectionate towards anyone that comes too close

and now let’s talk about how it would be if you biased jaehyun

jaemin loves jaehyun

they’re 2jae

2jae are soulmates

therefore,,,, it’s also kinda hellish but in a different way???

bc 2jae are on the end of that spectrum about the neos that know how in love the entire world is with them

they’re too powerful

they’re aware of their charm and they do everything they can to rub it in our faces

so the flirting between 2jae and you would be insane

and i mean insane

insane as in even johnny is kinda disgusted tbh bc

they’re doing a photo shoot with the 23 of them for some shit, idk don’t ask me

and of course, you had to tag along

but oh my god you three, please stop calling each other sexy/hot in weird voices now, the staff is staring

there are def rumours the 3 of you are a poly couple lmao

jaehyun denies everything on social media (throwback to saying “no way lol” when we asked if he REALLY slept in the same bed as jungwoo)

but every piece of content there is of you and jaemin or you and jaehyun or just them is so ridiculously flirty

you can bet there are compilations on youtube like 

“y/n being in love with 2jae for 8 minutes heterosexual”

ok i was having way too much fun with that, moving on

i don’t think he’d ever be actually upset about you biasing someone else

he trusts you and treasures you a lot so he doesn’t see the problem in you also appreciating another one of his members

bc gods know he does

he’s a bit in love with everyone so why shouldn’t you be too lol

one time he would feel a bit blue because of it???

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i think it’s possible he’d turn pouty or whiny or just kinda needy (not in a bad way, he just misses you) when he’s like

done with people

and needs some time away from everything

we know he’s an introvert, even if he acts very, very loud around the boys and it’s honestly just a matter of time until an introvert grows tired of being around humans

it depends on each person, of course, but there’s a 99% chance every once in a while he’ll start to feel too drained

and he’ll need a break to get his energy back

jaemin would probably want you around even when he feels like that, though

i see you being such a big source of comfort for him in a relationship

he enjoys taking care of people so please take care of him too

and for just this one day don’t talk about your bias that much, or don’t leave nana to go over to him to chat

and just cuddle him a lot

that will make him a smiley baby again

and then things are back to how they normally are

and by that i mean most neos hiding from you because they’re scared 

i don’t have a lot to say aside from that so let’s think about the neos that would be the most intimidated by your shared thot aura

dotae would be confused in different ways lol

taeyong would be just ????????????blush/awkward smile/hahaha??????

and doyoung might actually ask what is wrong with you

<points to jeno and his s/o> “why can’t you be like them”

mark would laugh-scream and slap his knee into oblivion whenever you two are cornering him

but then go super shy and be like “dUDE DON’T DO THAT”

resident confident gay jungwoo would rejoice in the attention and make so many goddamned jokes

a literal comedian i love him

i think sicheng and renjun would be on the same wavelength of repugnance towards you lol

chenle would deadass call you weird and tell you to leave him alone

shotaro and kun might faint (or kun will panic-scold you)

taeil is as confused by affection as usual (have you seen the face he makes when haechan kisses him LMFAO he’s smiling but like wondering wtf happened on the inside)

ten is not very amused but might play into it

yangyang: that’s disgusting, man (cue flashbacks to that live with renjun after the from home stage where renjun pretended to lick his hand and slick his hair back,,, catboy injun,,, you know the one)

xiaojun and hendery are such panicked gays they just turn to stare at whoever else is around and make that “help” expression like they’re on the office

haechan is haechan, kinda doesn’t mind it

jeno is used to dealing with this at this point

lucas and yuta love the attention but while yuta will flirt right back lucas is just gonna smile and try to jop his way out of there while screaming

sungchan will go hide behind haechan and say “hyung they’re being dumbasses again”

this turned into ‘how would nct react to you and jaemin being super flirty together’ and i’m not sorry

Chenle

chenle is so fun to write i love him lmao

okay so

he doesn’t strike me as the possessive type with anyone other than jisung (bc i swear he can be a bit jelly towards his bestie but i think it comes with sungie being the sweetest bean ever, he’s just protective)

he’s such a ray of sunshine and witty jokes and dolphin laughter i love him

back to the plot

he literally couldn’t care less about you biasing someone else

b u t

i will say there’s an exception

this exception is tall, kinda lanky, very awkward and born on the 5th of february

you’ve guessed it, it’s jisung

i think most of the time he’d tease THE SHIT out of you for it because c’mon

you had 22 chances not to mess up

and you still somehow ended up biasing jisung? lol do better next time

and this is not me and chenle hating on jisung, please—

he’d just find it funny that your bias is his best friend and

hold the fuck up

your bias is his best friend

oH NO NO NO NO NO

i think after realizing that he would lowkey try to keep you two apart because he’s somehow jealous of both????

and if he can’t help it then you can bet your ass he will be screaming all along

it’s his sweet, dummy jisung

with his sweeter and dummier y/n

what is he going to do

probably has a mini-breakdown with kun because like he’s always wanted you two to get along bUT NOT LIKE THAT

kun will just sigh like the tired father he is and pet his back while saying “there, there”

and a genius idea is going to come to chenle’s mind

you know the teasing thing?

well it’s upgrade time

he’s gonna turn into such a try-hard with tmi and embarrassing shit you two have done

and he’s not trying to stop you from being friends

he just wants you to like

know who you’re befriending

bc i think since he’s really really close to jisung, he doesn’t want you getting closer to him bc you like his idol side alone

and he doesn’t want jisung getting close to you just because you’re his partner either

if you had high hopes for each other and ended up kinda falling face-first into the ground bc it was nothing like you had imagined—

he’d be so broken

because he loves you so much :((((

so like, if you can get past the teasing and annoying barrier he’s putting up, he’ll be more than happy to have two of the most important people in his life being buddies

so get ready for it

if you’re the type of person to go batshit crazy when you drink, oh boy, oh boy

so you and the dreamies are just having dinner when lele feels like it’s the perfect time to disclose some of your drunken adventures

“hey y/n”

“yeah babe?”

“remember that time you got really really drunk on vodka and candy and wanted to call your mom”

“chenle the hell don’t talk ab—”

“but then you tried using the microwave as a phone”

“...”

“...”

“or that other time you were equally as drunk and watched the make a wish mv and cried because you noticed the height difference between xiaojun hyung and lucas hyung”

yeah so now’s the part you get up to chase him around the dorms and try to land a kick

BUT WORRY NOT, HE’LL MAKE SURE TO EMBARRASS JISUNG JUST AS MUCH

he likes doing that when it’s just the three of you though

so picture this

movie night the girls boys

chenle would 100% pick the most terrifying horror movie he can find so that he could see jisung clinging to whoever’s closest to him

and then right before a jumpscare, he’d whisper like

“jisung”

“w-what”

“why don’t you do that thing you were doing while you slept last night”

(honestly, i’d be mildly scared if i heard lele say this with no context at all)

and then the jumpscare happens and jisung is nearly fainting and crying at the same time

but chenle is laughing

and trying to get out what he wants to tell you between wheezes

“he-he” <dolphin wheeze> “hE WAS SINGING CHEER UP BY TWICE WHILE SLEEPING” <more wheezes>

and look this is just gonna go on for weeks until you and jisung are over it

and stop being weird and awkward around each other

lele needs you two to be bros ok

so be bros

once you do adapt to being pals with your bias i think chenle would take the teasing down a notch just to make you more comfortable

and like he’s so happy now the three of you can hang out and there’s just no tension

happy chenle is the thing i love the most i swear to gods

and if you don’t adapt to it?

well,,,

i honestly think he’d be pretty disappointed, cus it means to him one of you isn’t ready to fully embrace the weirdness within????

and like what u scared of

jisung is a weirdo, what about it, so are you

either that or he’d think you’re maybe being judgemental

so yeah please accept jisungie and your dumbass boyfriend

then everyone can be besties

i love thinking about the three of you as just this hellbound chaotic trio

because chenji already wreak havoc wherever they go as the two of them

but now that you’re coming along,,,,

no neo would escape from your pranks ever again (and even members of other groups lmfao watch out sehun, i’m talking to you)

and it’s so incredible infuriating in a good way that it just turns to be endearing

you’re cute as fuck so no one gets actually mad with the shit you pull????

which is dangerous, someone should really keep an eye out on the three of you 

we don’t need sm to be on fire

well we kinda do cus they’re pretty bad but not my point

i said somewhere above that chenle would tone the teasing down but i don’t mean he’d stop

bc c’mon guys

he’s chenle

no limits here

but sorry, i really cannot write jealous!chenle cus his heart is just too pure and filled with joy for him to be jealous for real

last scenario?

chenle after a comeback stage: ya y/n, i was gonna ask how was my performance today but you were probably more focused on jisung’s arms right

jisung is choking on water somewhere behind you

Jisung

it’s maknae time <plays i.n’s maknae on top>

i don’t mean to picture jisung as being like

ridiculously innocent or just downright naive because i really dislike it when people do that

he’s a literal 19 yo and jaemin himself has said he’s not as innocent as we think lol

however

i do see him as being quite new to all things love 

i think you’d probably be his first partner and with first relationships comes a lot of other firsts

first kiss maybe, first time holding hands, first time being jealous….

first time being jealous, yes, focus on that

i don’t think jisung would be aware that like

you not biasing him is even a possibility

cuz you’re dating

doesn’t that come along????

ah poor baby i love him

if you biased chenle i think he’d be just

disgusted and weirded out but okay?? you do you i guess???

he’s comfortable enough with lele to not feel intimidated

but if it’s another member

ESPECIALLY one of the oldest ones

i think it would be a blow straight to his confidence 

you biasing ten, kun, taeil, taeyong, doyoung or johnny and maybe yuta would make him feel a bit hesitant and concerned

his first thought would probably be that you don’t like being with someone as young as him

and who knows, maybe you’re even younger than him, maybe you’re the same age, but what if you actually like older guys??

what about him then???

and jisung doesn’t mean to feel so worried and insecure, ok, pls understand where i’m coming from

first relationships normally take like a very long time to build trust and acceptance of the other person’s feelings bc it’s literally a whole new world for you

and that goes extra hard for jisung because he is so fucking whipped for you it’s still hard to believe you like him as much

and it absolutely does not cross his mind that you’d cheat on him with your bias, GODS NO

he really respects you and his hyungs 

so no, never

that’s not a thing that can happen

but you realize you’re too good for him and maybe see he doesn’t fit your ideal type?

well, yes, that’s what he’s thinking

probably goes straight to chenle or renjun (he talks about renjun so much asjahj) to vent and ask for advice

i think they’d be surprised to see what’s going on inside his pretty little head because it’s so obvious for everyone that you just adore jisung

and they do tell him that

however, i don’t think it would completely calm his nerves, and again, this has nothing to do with not trusting you

it’s just that

his hyungs are so cool…

HE CAN’T HELP IT OK

would probably try to mirror your bias (i’m saying it’s taeyong for the sake of what i’ve imagined ok) and like

grasp onto some of his qualities?

so in his mind taeyong is: nice, sweet, caring, amazing, perfect, smart, perfect, sexy, mature and did i mention perfect

i can see him trying some new rap styles that mimic tyong’s a bit???

like would lowkey learn his raps from cherry bomb and superm’s one and listen to recordings frequently to pick up on how taeyong does it

i think he’d also just change the way he acts in general to dodge a bit from his maknae image

so now he tries to speak with a more formal-ish language and learns random facts about things you like to seem more intelligent???

“good morning y/n, you look as beautiful as one of voiello’s paintings today :]”

“wait i thought that was a pasta brand”

he’s just trying to show you he can be mature and serious if you want him to

long story short, he’s not acting like himself (not that he’s childish, he’s just out of it) and you don’t like it, so you ask about it and wait for him to feel comfortable with sharing

when he does talk about it breaks your heart so much :((

you’re going to need some patience to try and show him you’d choose him, and not your bias, even if you had the chance

they’re completely different people and you love him BECAUSE he’s jisung, not for any other reason

please reassure him so he can go back to acting like his authentic self, i think it would be such a relief for him too

your words and affection are obviously enough for him, but if it ever happens that he feels especially low and insecure again, it would help if your bias talks to him too

and taeyong wouldn’t have a problem with it

actually, scratch that, taeyong probably knew what was going on all along

he just has that motherly 7th sense (ay) that is even more acute with the dreamies cus like 

127 has him, wayv has kun, but dream has…

the dreamies

and that, my friend, is terrifying

anyway he’d come to talk to jisung asking like “what’s wrong buddy :(“ and sungie would be a bit ashamed because it sounds so silly when you say it out loud

of course tyong wouldn’t judge him, and he just really has to tell jisung what is it you and he are always talking about

it’s him

“when they come around to talk and hang out here it all goes back to you, jisungie. they can’t spend one second without mentioning your name

it’s so cute; it’s always like ‘oh jisung would love this’ or ‘jisung likes it that way’

so please be kinder to yourself and let yourself see that they’re in love with you, not with me and not with any other member they ever mention”

jisung would feel 10000000% better

and smiley

and giggly

and oh my god do you really talk about him that much

LOOK HE’S BLUSHING

would just go over to your house immediately and hug you, burying his face on your neck from behind you

and not let go

ever again

the whole situation just teaches him a lot about accepting your love for him and not questioning it 

shut up i’m not crying

---

final notes: this was my first work after the humanity series and it was so fun lol i think next up is probs gonna be an ideal type scenario for ot23 (but if i really write it i’m gonna post it by subunit and its gonna be way shorter than this, don’t expect 23K words at once lmao)

if you’ve enjoyed this fic please consider reading my humanity series, which is a zombie apocalypse au with kun <3

[nightswithkookmin]

Sungwoon has a Chimmy keyboard and he just posted Jimin's card with the caption "Handsome"... you manifesting this by any chance?

Sungwoon seems to be coming for JKs man, and let's be honest... Taehyung ain't shy lately either... what is going on?!?

This feels like the old days when Taemin was whisking Jimin away for private chats!!

The Jimin effect is in Full Force in 2021! JK better act right and post for his mans birthday... or those phantom ships might get some kind behind their sails...

Oohh those two look soooo shippable...

*Puts them in my shipping chart* 🤣🤣🤣

I was a bit salty he said handsome not pretty but I can let it slide. I don't need him to be gay or attracted to Jimin to ship him with my bias😊 hashtag Soulmates.

Hashtag Vmin who????

Hashtag Don't know em.

Besides, only Jungkook gay ass calls him pretty out here anyway🙄

The actual gay in this man🙄

Imma pray for this sinner🤧

Really I don't know how you can look at that photo of Jimin and think 'handsome.'

seems like someone is scared to admit certain things outloud to himself or is just being plain delulu

Sir, calling him pretty won't make you gay don't worry. He's a pretty boy. Say it🤭

And I don't know how these people keep consistently showing up for Jimin when he's busy out here renouncing them left right center any chance he gets talking bout BTS are/is his only friends. Come now. Are y'all really besties or we using him for clout and feeding our delulu shippers hm??💀💀

Tell the truth and shame the devil🤺

If not someone really needs to love themselves 💀💀💀

As a TaeKaiSungwoonminer- or whatever their ship is called- I take offense at that😤

Tae don't do that to his friendship groups😥

He out here shouting them out and featuring in their projects and loving on their families while Jimin is doing the bare minimum for y'all and yet y'all still claiming him. The hold this man has on y'all is astonishing.

It's the same hold Jk has on Jimin and his stans. Couldn't be me🤧

I demand equal rights for all Jimin's ships and friends.

His BTS| Jikook favoritism is absurd😐

Anywho chilee I'm in Troye Sivan's camp for now. Jikook and Vmin can come find me if they want me to ship them after the 13th😊

It's the shameless bottoms in the comments who want to bump bussies with him for me🤣🤣🤣

At this point they might as well just admit they are all lesbians😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh Holland's camp is great too!

Lil nas is killing it as usual😏

Kehlani too. Shout out to sis🤤

Sis don exposed all of us with this song but we not mad at it.

The gays are representing🤭

Like just be gay, show up gay, do the gay and let us support you. You gotta be part of the community some how. You gotta be proactively gay if you know what I mean.

What's with all the under the radar stuff😒

I'm tired of stanning the bare minimums😫

Go out or go home.

How are you gonna make an entire gay song, not feature gay artists, not feature any gay couples, not wave with pride, go on interviews and claim you paying homage to the biggest gay star on planet earth, call permission to dance fruity, say My Universe is for the gays, yet keep the gay in the subtext and the straight in text- I will never forget that kiss. NEVER. I'm petty like that.

Until they give the same visibility to two queer couples kissing, flirting and groping eachother homoerotically I'm holding a grudge.

NO. BTS GROPING EACHOTHER DON'T COUNT. I SWEAR TO GOD.

And every time someone misses a member's birthday and is about to miss a member's birthday I'm gonna bring it up and act out😊

I'll be on strike till after Jimin's birthday...

Unless Jimin want to do a live and talk about his feelings to keep me distracted 👀

A vmin live or Jin solo vlive won't be bad too.

Since certain members in BTS are growing and becoming independent of Army I need to love myself too🤡

FREEDOM FREEDOM WHERE ARE YOU

I NEED FREEDOM TOO

Sing it with me

Signed,

Dark Goldy

Rogue shipper extraordinaire

Please support LGBTQ artists

They are actually cool and Talented too

[knock-me-out]

k.o. at fansigns pt. 1

under the cut because it’s long as hell, sorry

hyunseok

if he’s not holding your hands while talking, there’s an issue. will run his thumbs over the back of your hands without fail.

he’s usually first, especially because some fans might be nervous meeting them for the first time and his entire aura is just...calming. 

always asks if fans have eaten, if they haven’t, he’ll share his snacks.

acts embarrassed when he gets anime-related gifts, but you can tell those are the ones he cherishes most, especially plushies. 

thanks people profusely, literally they could say anything and his first reply is going to be “ahh, thank you~” before he’s even registered what they said to him.

always doodles a lil’ bee on everything and signs it with “honey,” which is the most popular fan nickname for him. 

if a fan is from a foreign country, he asks them to teach him a word in their language -- tends to impress people by remembering the word if he recognizes them the next time around. 

if he’s not speaking with victory, he’s on his feet trying to pry ki away from jui’s seat before he gets smacked. 

seungjae

fansign boyfriend extraordinaire, tends to come outta nowhere with lines that should be cheesy as hell but end up super sincere.

he gets kind of tired of only talking about dramas when people have questions, but he won't let it show. 

isn’t super big on a lot of prolonged physical contact, is more of a high-five kinda guy and he might hold your hand for a few seconds after.

always writes a very personalized note when signing things, tends to be something incredibly sincere expressing gratitude.

tends to fidget more than people expect, will click his pen really obnoxiously under the table while victory talk; tends to prefer listening more than talking much, himself. 

hates wearing headbands and things like that, but he’ll do it if doesn’t have a choice. if a fan has a gift for him, he’ll ask them to put it on him.

gets very excited when he gets to speak with someone in japanese, his entire demeanor just changes entirely, he sits up straighter.

doesn’t usually remember people but he’ll pretend like he does.

gem

he’s usually placed somewhere in the middle, which is both a blessing and a curse. when victories get to him, he’ll always start with some obnoxious line like “about time, right? I’m so sorry you had to talk to all of them before me...” and will try to get someone’s attention again even after they’ve moved on.

always acts super offended if someone admits he isn’t their bias, cue the dramatic hand to the chest and wide eyes. will lean across the table to put his hand on the fan’s forehead like are you okay? is something wrong with you??? 

usually ends up with a ton of gifts, all of which he’ll try to wear at once. catch him with three headbands and a feather boa on at any given point.

LOUD. is the most likely to yell if one of the other members bothers him or a staff member tries to take away a gift of his. will cling to his presents and pout until they let him keep it.

really prefers to be called gem-oppa. has been known to stand on his chair and yell to literally everyone like “when I say gem, you say..?” and do a lil dance when everyone just oppa back at him, usually gets yanked off his chair by either jui or remi. 

very touchy feely. holds hands, fixes hair, trusts fans enough to let them touch his face and all but will always “don’t mess up my hair, okay, it takes a lot of effort to look this flawless.” practically purrs like a kitten. 

draws a diamond when he signs and makes an effort to make his signature huge as hell. likes to write personalized messages with a “keep shining” in english -- his handwriting is really loopy and pretty.

shameless with aegyo and blows lots of kisses, has no filter.

jungsoo

laughs at pretty much everything victories say, slaps the table dramatically if it’s funny enough. tends to get a lot of irritated looks from ki because of it, but soo never minds.

ends up in sol’s lap without fail nearly every single time by the end of it, they’re usually next to each other and he has a habit of just sprawling out and getting really touchy feely. 

the eye smile !! is powerful !! he looks like an excited puppy whenever fans talk to him, he’s always got this super sweet smile and has the most genuine aura of happiness about him.

when he’s surprised/shocked, he always jolts really aggressively in his chair and lets out a shocked lil oh! and then apologizes a lot. he gets scared so damn easily, by something as simple as a fan’s hands being colder than expected or a staff member reaching over his shoulder to clear the space in front of him. 

swings your hands while he talks, has accidentally smacked people before, but doesn’t stop. he’s clumsy and 10/10 likely to break something fragile if given to him, I’m so sorry.

will squeeze hands with the most sincere lil “thank you for supporting us, I’ll see you again soon, right?” and then bam there’s the angelic smile

wiggles in his seat when he’s told good news, doesn't know how to sit still for the life of him, but it’s okay.

“oh, already..? make sure to eat and get plenty of sleep for me, okay?” always pouts when fans have to move on, but it’s okay, that smile is back and ready to dazzle the next person in line without fail. 

kiyong

if you speak to him in english, be prepared for him to get annoying and loud and a lot more flirty. even if it isn’t a fan’s first language, he’ll get really excited and ask them how they learned it. if there’s another new yorker there, he’s at his worst. will screech across the venue YERRR until he gets a reply (it’s a ny thing, guys), asks what part of the state they’re from. will go off for hours if given the chance about Brooklyn, and then gets really embarrassed because he’s been talking about a ramen place for too long and not giving the fan a chance to talk much.

if he’s not bothering jui, he’s not being himself. constantly leans over his hyung’s shoulder and makes jokes about how old he is and how creepy it is for a grandpa to be talking to young, pretty girls. will pull gem’s seat out from under him if he’s walking past. usually ends up bruised after fansigns because of how obnoxious he is, but it’s fine, he always has a great time.

loves loves loves fanboys, always acts a lot more mature than usual but still compliments the same amount. god ki is Big Gay 

will find opportunities to be a hoe even during the most wholesome of times. has had fans ask jokingly to touch his abs and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t let them -- usually ends up lifting his shirt at some point during the day to reveal oh look he’s drawn a heart on his chest. 

will glare at fans if they call him kasey or...god forbid...kaseycakes. refuses to do aegyo beyond a finger heart or something like that, might relent if begged enough, but always looks like he wants to die right after. “kasey? sorry, who is that??” and also looks kinda confused for a minute when someone uses his stage name because he kinda forgets he has one, sometimes.won’t mind being called kiki, at least.

“I still look cool though, right?” asking a fan while wearing a neon pink headband, you’d better tell him he looks badass, or he might whine. 

is probably one of the most chaotic members during any event where they’re out in public, let’s be real. the staff members usually need to tell him to calm down at least four times every hour, he always seems to forget what he’s been told not to do. 

remembers people, especially english speaking fans, usually asks how much they missed him.

daesung

he’s usually very nervous at fansigns, bounces his knee a lot and can end up shaking the whole table, oopsies.

gets really stressed because he sometimes can’t hear over the others, so catch him leaning really far over the table like “eh? sorry? what?” 

will 100% leave the aegyo to owen and mess around with him a lot to keep his nerves down, sometimes will just grab his arm and give it a lil squeeze to reassure himself. he always worries about saying the wrong thing or making someone uncomfortable, never knows how to handle himself when someone says he’s their favorite.

panics when fans cry but hyun always a box of tissues under the table for himself, dae will grab it and hand them copious handfuls like “ahh! please don't cry, oh no--” 

will relax after talking to someone for a bit, ask them questions, but he prefers to listen than to talk too much.

his hands sometime shake when he signs things, please help him, and he’s just nervously laughing the whole time and apologizing.

has been known to leave his seat to go lean over remi’s shoulder for attention if the line is moving kind of slowly, sometimes goes around to the other side of the table and acts like a fan and sits down in front of remi like “oh my god I'm your biggest fan--”, but not until his nerves have died down a bit, dumb big baby.

“promise me you’ll continue to support us, okay?” and makes you pinky swear, always smiles like the softest fool afterwards.

[houstonhiphophead-blog]

Top  5 Hip Hop Albums of 2018 (So Far)

2018 has been a strong year for hip hop with the many releases. With most of 2018 already in the books, I decided to make a list of the best hip hop albums to have been released so far this year. Hip Hop has always been a big influence in my life since I was a young kid but I have been a very active listener since the start of this year. Usually on my commute to and from school/work, I try to listen to roughly 1 album for the day. I’ve tried my best to listen to all the albums which hit my radar and through this, I discovered many artists who I would never normally listen to and as a token of advice if you are reading this and you don’t like hip hop music, perhaps give one of these a listen. You never know, you may find something you like.

Before getting into the list I would just like to say by no means do I consider myself to be a professional music critic. What I like may not be the same thing you may like and this is perfectly fine. I am simply stating my opinion and personal taste and you may choose to agree or disagree with it as you please. With that being said, let’s get to the list:

5. KOD- J. Cole.

There is no question J. Cole is one of the most talented rappers right now. This statement is only further supported by his recent releases including his fifth studio album: KOD. On this album Cole takes the “responsible rapper approach” by dedicating the majority of the album tackling the glorification of drugs in today’s rap music with an emphasis on how rappers must be mindful of their content because they are directly responsible for today’s youth whether they like it or not. While the message is great and powerful, the music itself seemed rather bland as compared his previous works. The lyricism was great as to be expected with any J. Cole project but I feel like the music was made simply to get the message out (as weird as that sounds). He wanted the listener not to be distracted by the instrumentals and beats but to listen to the message and what he had to say. This made the music seem one sided with not being diverse which I have come to expect with his previous projects. 2014 Forest Hills Drive by J. Cole is one of the greatest albums I have ever listened to because it had the perfect balance of substance and production. It might not be too fair to compare both albums because both are very different but that is the J. Cole I want to hear. Nonetheless, KOD was a very solid album.

4. Scorpion- Drake

Drake is easily the biggest rapper right now. He may not necessarily be the most technical or most skilled, but his star power is simply unmatched by anyone. Scorpion was one the most highly anticipated albums of 2018 and met most of my hopes and expectations. For starters, he gave his fans a “double album”. The album had 25 tracks and was split into an “A Side” and a “B Side”. The “A Side” was mostly rap songs while the “B Side” was composed of slower R&B songs which many fans (myself included) wanted from Drake because not only is Drake a talented rapper, but he is also a pretty talented singer. In my opinion, his best album to date is Take Care and the reason myself and millions of people love this album is for the R&B elements Drake uses throughout that project. Some elements can be found on Scorpion, but not nearly as much. One thing I was disappointed with on Scorpion is that he did not reply to Pusha T. In case you did not know, there was a big rap beef going on over the summer between Pusha T and Drake. Both artists released diss tracks, however Pusha T’s diss track revealed that Drake had a child in secrecy. This ultimately turned out to be true as it was admitted on Scorpion but I was expecting some form of retaliation on Drake’s part. I would have really wanted to hear a response toward Pusha T of some sort because I feel rap beefs are very entertaining to watch as long as they are strictly music related. Great songs usually come out as a result of these quarrels (and not to mention the memes on Instagram). All in all, Scorpion was a good album, but Drake is known for making great music. If Drake had over delivered I would probably rank this album higher, but I sort of expected the end product. Nonetheless a very good album which is to be expected by him

3. Kamikaze- Eminem

Coming in at number 3 is Kamikaze by the living legend Marshall Mathers aka Slim Shady aka Eminem. Whatever you know him by, you must know he is one of the greatest artists of all time. Period. Eminem has nothing left to prove yet  decided to drop this bomb on us with literally no warning at all. This surprise album is easily one of the best albums so far this year and definitely a huge step up from his previous entry: Revival. Eminem’s long historic career has always been involved in controversy in some form or the other, so it is only fitting that his tenth album entry is as well. Eminem came out swinging from the first track by taking shots at everyone in the rap game. From disses aimed toward Lil Pump to Tyler the Creator, to Joe Budden, and to the most talked about recipient of Eminem’s wrath: Machine Gun Kelly, Eminem held nothing back and expressed his unfiltered opinions on these unlucky souls. He has given us classic albums and is easily one of the greatest rappers of all time. Musically, everything one would come to expect from Eminem is on this album. Everything from his offset humor to his wordplay and lyricism can all be found in abundance on this album. Everything was simply on point. This is a very well put together album. The critiques I have are very minor. I would have liked to have seen a bit more features on the album because although he is an amazing rapper, at times it can get hard to digest the lyrics coming at you faster than you can process them. Some features would have been a nice change in pace because let’s just face it, nobody can keep up with Em. Outstanding body of work from an all time great.

2. Daytona- Pusha T

What happens when you mix some of Kanye West’s best production with some of Pusha T’s best lyrics? The answer is obvious: you get a masterpiece. Daytona comes in at a close second for album of the year for me for reasons I will explain in my #1 spot. Pusha T took a bit of a risk on Daytona being it was only 7 tracks long but boy did it pay off. This album proves that quality>quantity. Instead of electing to go with the long album track list which has become very popular today, Push elected to cut all the sub-par music and fillers and skits and just give us the raw bass heavy music a Pusha T fans have come to want and expect. He stayed true to his craft and every song was carefully crafted. Although much of the subject matter is not very radio friendly, loyal fans of Pusha T are rejoicing because this is exactly what they wanted to hear. From the aggresive flows, to the drug kingpin lyrics, to the deep thumping base which can be found in abundance on Daytona, this album has it all. It just makes me want to hear more: which brings me to my only critique of this album. I want more. The total length for the album is only around 21 minutes. Although this album over delivers and exceeds my expectations, I would have loved a few more tracks of the same quality. It leaves me wanting to listen to more and in turn, I have been listening to Pusha T’s older works more and more. This is simply an amazing album and is an album I have revisited time and time again.

1. Astroworld- Travis Scott

ASTOWORLD! Now before I get into this, let me acknowledge my bias. I am from Houston, Texas which is the same city Travis Scott is from and I have seen first hand how his music and artistry has helped change the culture for the youth of this city. I am programmed to always support and be a big fan of a fellow Houstonian but this is not the only reason why this is my pick for the best album so far. The bottom line is Travis Scott simply makes the best music. Astroworld has been arguably the most anticipated album of this year and in my opion, it exceeded my already sky high expectations. This album was named after the famous theme park in Houston which was unfortunately shut down in 2005. Much like the theme park, this album was a wild ride from the start to finish. First off, this 17 track long album was filled with the most packed features of any hip hop album in recent memory. The guest features included Drake, The Weeknd, Frank Ocean, Swae Lee, Kid Cudi, Stevie Wonder, James Blake, and many others. Production was also not disappointing either as the producers working on this album included an all star cast of some of the best hip hop producers such as the multi grammy award winner producer Mike Dean, Metro Boomin, Tay Keith, John Mayer, Frank Dukes, and a plethora of other producers. All of these features and producers somehow came together and meshed perfectly to create this classic. Astroworld had the perfect balance of production, and lyrics, while being diverse in music. It really was like riding a roller coaster with some sections of the album being fast and furious while other sections being very mellow and smooth much like a ride in real life. Honestly, I have no issues with anything on this project. If i were required to make a list of things I disliked about the album, I would honestly be forcing it. This album is not only my favorite album of this year, but quite easily one my favorite albums of all time! I believe this is the album that will propel Travis Scott to the top tier of rappers today and several years down the line, this album will be critically acclaimed as a classic.

So there you have it. Those were my top 5 albums of 2018 thus far. Be on the lookout for more lists, reviews, debates and news about hip hop. Thank you for reading and until next time.

-houstonhiphophead

[mysticalreadingnerd]

My Heart Started Hoping Again (Steve Harrington x Reader Imagine)

Words: 2200

Summary: Mom Steve and Dad Y/N are one step away from becoming Dustin’s official parents. The night of the Snow Ball is a night of introspection for them as they try figuring out their feelings. 

Disclaimer: I don’t own Stranger Things or any of its characters. I’m just a depressed writer procrastinating from her actual work by writing Harrington fluff. GIF credits to the owner.

Warnings: swearing, angst

A/N: While this is a sequel to my other story ‘Machetes and Near Death Experiences’, this part is stand alone. You can read the first part if you wish to,here. Comments & feedback are appreciated and devoured like Eggos.

“Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!” You rolled your eyes at the exclaimations, watching Dustin turn the room upside down like a wild hurricane on its path of destruction. “Where did you last see it?” Mrs Henderson asked. “It was right here!” he fretted and you watched amusedly as the boy finally lay his hands on a brown paper bag. “Got it!“ 

“Your mom is right you know. You already look amazing!” you said as you followed him to his room. “And as I’ve said before, both of you have a unhealthy bias in this matter. Understandably so, but bias nonetheless.” He flashed his ‘pearls’ in your direction. You rolled your eyes yet again. “I would have taken your word for it if it came to demo-dog hunting. You are a expert level paladin in that, yes. But when it comes to attracting the ladies? I’ll pass.” The nerve! “First of all, rude! Secondly, you are fretting wayy too much over a dance. I had generously offered to take you there…” “In your about to fall apart pickup truck. Yeah right”, he interrupted you. You scoffed mockingly, “Do you even hear yourself lil’ dipshit? You weren’t complaining like this when I hauled your sorry ass everywhere before your bromance with Harrington started!”

“At least its better than your sad romance with him, if you can even call it that.” He smirked at your gobsmacked face before unceremoniously kicking you out of the room. Muttering profanities and threats about how you should have left him in the Upside Down tunnel, you went back to where Mrs Henderson was sitting and gave her a smile as she cooed over the new kitten they had adopted. A car approached the driveway, the tires crunching on the gravel. Your ears perked up when you heard it. “Dusty! Your ride’s here!” you gave a shout before opening the door and walking towards the waiting car. 

“Did I just hear you calling him ‘Dusty’?” Steve Harrington in all his coiffed glory gave you a smirk. “Don’t judge me, mom Steve” you sassed back, opening the door and getting in the back seat. He turned a pretty pink before muttering something about being a sitter and not a mom. “Aww look at King Stevey, he’s going gaga over his baby attending the Snow Ball. They really grow up fast, don’t they?” You placed your hand over your heart, wiping away fake tears and sniffling. You had teased him mercilessly the past month, enjoying the way he would sputter at accusations of being the Mother™ of the Party. You knew that he secretly loved it, the teasing as well as the kids and couldn’t help the smile that graced your lips.

“Seriously? Just get together, you two! How long are you going to make me wait?” Dustin voiced his irritation as he took his place in the car. Steve sputtered a vague denial and you couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped you when you saw what he had done with his hair. Young Henderson had finally found a male whom he could idolize and you loved every second of it. The rest of the ride to Hawkins Middle was filled with similar banter, a rhythm that you three fell back comfortably into. 

The past month had been slow in terms of emotional recovery, the odd nightmare still making its an appearance through daily life. You knew things would never go back to the way they were, but life was slowly coming to the accepted levels of normalcy and you had these lovely boys to thank for that. Dustin had become Dusty and Harrington became Steve, though you would never admit that it had anything to do with loving said boys to death. And the rest of the Party was now used to watching this odd ball trio hang around Hawkins or fight intense D & D campaigns where you whooped Steve’s ass. The car reached its destination and a palpable nervousness filled the air.

You glanced at the front seat and felt the anxiety coming off in waves from Dustin. He exhaled slowly as Steven said, “Alright buddy, here we are. So remember, once you get in there…” He prompted, “Pretend like I don’t care.” Dustin answered. You arched an eyebrow at that.

“You don’t care.“

"I don’t care.”

“There you go. You are learning, my friend. You are learning.“

Steve let out a breath, seemingly glad with himself. You couldn’t keep the words in any longer. “And this was the pep talk for? What? Attracting the ladies?” You hadn’t meant to scoff but the glares that you received from the front seat were enough to make you raise you hands in mock surrender.

“Don’t give me the grouchy faces. All I’m saying is be courteous. And above all be yourself Dusty, that’s what really matters.” You patted his shoulder encouragingly. He nodded once before checking himself in the mirror. “Hey. Hey. Hey. You look great, okay? You look… You look great!” Steve tried to boost his esteem. “You are going to go in there. Look like a million bucks. And slay ‘em dead.” “Yeah! Like a lion”, Dustin answered confidently and purred, sounding more like his new pet kitten than a slaying lion. You had a tough time keeping a straight face at that and Steve grimaced slightly. “Yeah, don’t do that okay?” “Okay.” “Good luck, Dustin. Sweep the ladies off their feet!” You cheered as he bumped fists with Steve and got out of the car. 

You took his place in the front seat and were about to drive away when he came back. Thinking he had forgotten something, you rolled the window down only for him to smirk at you both suggestively, “Don’t do weird stuff while I’m gone. Keep it PG 13 okay, kids?” He wiggled his eyebrows and danced out of your reach when you tried smacking him in vain, cheeks blazing red. Both of you should have been used to his ribbing by now, given that he did it twice a day. 

You would have thought that something would really develop between you and Steve once things had settled down. Surviving inter-dimensional monsters had brought you two inescapably closer and there was no denying that you both felt something for the other. But as you looked at him staring off in the distance and followed his gaze, you realized exactly why you had been putting this off or rather, pretending as if it didn’t exist. Nancy. The poor boy was yet to get over the girl he had been together with for over a year, a girl he had been in love with. Who had broken up with him and begun dating Jonathan soon after. You couldn’t blame either of them for following their hearts but you had no wish to get your own feelings trampled in the aftermath.

“So, what are your plans for tonight?” Steve asked, bringing your attention to the present. “Nothing much. Just curling up with books and reading by the fire tonight.” You shrugged, it wasn’t like you had anywhere to go. “I had forgotten that beneath the machete swinging badass you were such a nerd”, he joked playfully. However, his words once again reminded you how different you both were, even though the past month had shown you a side of Steve that you couldn’t have dreamed on the old King of Hawkins High. Your fingers absentmindedly played with the hem of your plaid button up, something that you did everytime you were worried, he had noticed. 

Steve gently untangled your fingers from the hem and gazed at you with a strange emotion in his eyes. An emotion you could easily mistake for love. “You okay?” He questioned softly and you merely nodded before retracting your hand to your lap. The longer his touch lingered on you the more difficult it got for you to think rationally. You had to remind yourself that falling for him any more than you already had would be an extremely bad idea.

“Hey” he ventured again. You were trying to shut him out, something that you had been doing over the past month. Every time he tried to talk with you about your feelings you would clam up, becoming unapproachable in your brooding silences. At times like these, Steve couldn’t help but be frustrated. He wanted to help you with whatever it was that was bothering you but he couldn’t do so unless you told him exactly what was wrong. “You are worrying about something again.” He spoke up and watched your body tense up at his words. When you tried denying the statement he continued, “Don’t deny it. We both know that’s not true. Y/N, talk to me. I want to help you.”

You looked at him as he said that and the adoring expression was back on his face. That was the final blow to your oath of silence. “Don’t give me that look!” you exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger in his face. Steve’s expression morphed from loving to a confused one. “What look?” He asked, a bit wary of your sudden outburst. “You were doing that look. That.. that look you have on your face sometimes. Where you look at me as if you are seeing me for the first time..that look which makes me think that you think I’m beautiful…that you might actually like me…" 

His expression increasingly softened as your rant continued and when he was about to say something you stopped him. “Don’t interrupt me, let me get this out. You look at me the same way you used to look at Nancy and I can’t… I can’t pretend then that I don’t like you, because I do.. I do like you Steve. I like you so much that it frightens me. But I don’t want to be a mistake.” The raw vulnerability in your eyes made his heart ache. He had never seen the unshakeable Y/N L/N look so lost and rattled, not even when they had faced near death at the hands of salivating demo-dogs. And learning that he was the cause of this made it even worse.

He sighed and turned in the seat to face you. “Y/N” he placed a gentle hand on your cheek, stroking the skin in soothing sweeps glad that you were relaxing under his touch. “Y/N, I promise you, whatever happens, you will never be a mistake. You are not Nancy and what I feel for you isn’t a rebound. I had thought that I loved Nancy and it broke my heart when she said our relationship was bullshit.” Hearing his words felt like a knife twisting slowly in your heart and you tried to lean away from his touch. Steve was having none of it. Placing his other hand on your other cheek, he cupped your face and held you in place. Effectively trapping you so that your eyes met his and couldn’t escape anymore. He stared at you as if he held the world in his hands, silently conveying his love through his gaze. “Hear me out, please” he begged and you nodded once, too stunned to say anything. 

“Y/N, I was heart broken when my relationship with Nancy ended but that doesn’t mean that what I feel for you isn’t real. Before this whole Upside Down shindig happened I was sure that I could never love anybody again. Now, when I look at you, my heart has started to believe that maybe I was wrong.” His face came nearer to yours as he spoke, whispering the words like a holy confession. 

“When I look at you, my heart starts hoping again.” His gaze wandered from your eyes to your lips and you couldn’t help but feel that somehow, this was how things were meant to be. "And I can’t promise that I’ll be the perfect boyfriend, because I’m not. Hell, I can be a douchebag sometimes” you chuckled at that, the honesty in his eyes was speaking volumes of how much he had changed from his douchebag days. “But with you, I think I can turn my imperfections into something worthwhile.” He paused mere millimeters away from you. You realised that he was giving you time to move away, to refuse to kiss him and in turn avoid heartbreak.

But you were done with running away. It was about time you chased these feelings instead of hiding from them. “Poetic much Harrington?” You smiled at him as he gave you a small one in return, still unsure if you were ready to take the plunge. “Thankfully for you, I find sappy Steve quite lovable.” All he could do was mumble a surprised ‘really?’ before you crashed your lips into his soft ones. He quickly returned the kiss like a man tasting his first breath of fresh air on a crisp December morning. It was an unhurried meeting of touches and caresses, as you both brushed your lips against each other, taking the time to discover this newfound warmth blooming in your hearts. And while being wary of heart break was human nature, could living without love be considered living at all?

~mystical reading nerd

[toongrrl-blog]

The Mommy Myth: Attack of the Celebrity Moms

Gonna try and structure it a lil’ bit different, hit it!

Debby Boone

January 1981, Ronald Reagan was inaugurated as president and Debby Boone, 1978 Grammy winner, poses with her three month old child for the cover of Good Housekeeping. Like her father who has oozed his brand of sanitized rock ‘n’ roll (as not to freak out white parents and grandparents), Debby has become a pioneer: the celebrity mom profile. Inside the issue we learned that baby Jordan eats very well and sleeps 8 hours a night (good) and he is healthy because Debby took SUPER GOOD CARE OF HER BODY during her pregnancy as she ate health food and weighed only a pound less than before she was pregnant (okay Deb), mostly due to healthy food and prayer (news to the church ladies my Mom knows), this was a surprise (okay), and baby Jordan loves music because his grandfather Pat Boone and great-grandfather Red Foley were musicians (well most babies like music and noise). The celebrity mom profile where she reminds the female reader that she is a poised, trim, stylish, perfect mother unlike you the mom who stresses over tax season, is a household drudge, and eats junk food when the kids are asleep.

Kirstie Alley

February 1994, Kirstie Alley (remember Cheers, Fat Actress, It Takes Two, and Look Who’s Talking?) invites In Style magazine into her fourth house in Bangor, Maine that she paid in with cash, a house that is like her: “at once down-to-earth and whimsical”. She’s a mom now with a “playful sense of style” that is evident by the decoupage grapes on her son’s highchair and was made to look antique and worn. One year old True (that’s his name!) has his highchair facing a ceramic pig holding a blackboard on which a new word appears to encourage his reading proficiency (never too early to start teaching kids to read!) We see Kirstie’s life is made easy with decorators, nanny, a cook, and personal assistants and True having two hour nap times (I will check with relatives of young babies and toddlers to see if possible) where Kirstie works out with a personal trainer and eats a fat-free lunch (well we know what happens when you diet for so long). Kirstie gushes about how “being a mother has given me a whole new purpose. Every day when I wake up it’s like Christmas morning to me, and seeing life through True’s eyes gives me a whole new way of looking at the world” (yeah I don’t know anyone who actually feels that way and what about those who found a purpose without having kids? Sorry charity volunteers and recovering alcoholics!) 

Flash forward to 1997 where Kirstie is star of the then-new Veronica’s Closet where she has a new man, new show, and a new baby. We learn her Maine home has fifteen bedrooms and she loves decorating this huge place, which includes a nursery-rhyme garden for True and baby Lillie. Kirstie talks about this facial treatment she has every morning where she blasts her face with oxygen and enzymes with a plastic hose hooked up to two pressurized tanks (guess Joan Crawford’s beauty regimen wasn’t hardcore enough?). 

Annie Potts

I admit there could be some bias here, I grew up on Annie Potts (Ghostbusters, Designing Women, Any Day Now, Pretty In Pink, GCB, Toy Story) so that might color my commentary (though I try to keep a bit of Susan J. and Meredith here). In California, we enter Annie Potts’s “Casa de Mayhem” (actually really cute, nice to see she nice great decorating sense outside of Iona’s fabulous digs) where her nanny corrals Potts’s 16 month old where a wing was built in the anticipation of the baby Jake’s birth (how?), where there is a darkroom for her husband, a bedroom for the assistant (late night slumbers?), and an office for Potts and also a pool. Somehow her white furniture remains immaculate (just like Megan Draper’s white carpet). Annie Potts believes that her son may be the reincarnation of her cat Gus and covers her chairs with cow-print vinyl.

Cheryl Ladd (Or a more Honest Time that was soon to be past)

During a different time Ladies Home Journal in March 1979 reported on Cheryl Ladd (Charlies Angels star and singer for Melody) as a mother where she admitted even with her household staff and her four year old with a nine year old’s vocabulary (by 1979 standards!) , it can be stressful which Goldie Hawn admitted to in smaller profile. Back then the celebrity moms were glamorous and embraced intensive mothering but they admitted it had it’s ups and downs, sentiments that were gone by the late 1980s where “motherhood was sexy” or “blessed”. Also the houses and toys became more lavish and the moms were always gushing with Whitney Houston stating she “never found anything more fulfilling than being a mother” (okay that makes me sad in hindsight, RIP Whitney and Bobbi Christina) and celeb moms saying they have transformed as people since having babies (babies are not reform school people nor life coaches). And was so awkward when Christie Brinkley said she got it right with her 3rd kid (no shade really, she was neat as Gayle Gergich). 

In Celebrity Momma land there was no such thing as postpartum depression, saggy tits, leaky nipples, extra fat or economic, political, and social barriers or sexism, racism, and classism or even bratty kids or lazy or tired partners. They were (in the words of Michaels and Douglas) “June Cleaver with cleavage and a successful career”. They were allowed to bring the kid to work and they were always in love with their husbands....until not (these gushing profiles were the equivalent of that couple on Facebook with the perfect photos but argued a lot in real life). And while most of us bounce between the hip cynic and the corny romantic, we can see through it but still feel insecure by it. 

Princess Diana (and the Rules of Celebrity Motherhood)

She was one of the most watched celebrity moms ever since her engagement to Prince Charles and even after the Royal Gyno certified her as a virgin and fertile in 1881...no I mean 1981 when she married him. Then in June 1982, William was born while she was around 20 years old. This girl clearly was picked by the Royal Family because she was young, pretty, not very assertive, fertile, and a virgin. He was her sister Lady Sarah’s ex-boyfriend and she thought he was hot since she was 16....keep in mind there is like a fourteen year age difference and she was a late teenager when they got engaged and married. The Press talked about his adoration for her and they had for a while the image of the picture-perfect family where nothing was wrong, she was naturally very thin and he thought she was the only woman in the world for him and wouldn’t want to be another woman’s tampon. Of course the cracks were obvi, early on, the Royal Family was all about projecting that image and Diana played along, being and playing devoted mom and she was, just she couldn’t be tired or want a lil space from the kids while the cameras were rolling. She even looked slim during her second (!) pregnancy! Which she timed perfectly. We now know that was a eating disorder. She had a ton of tasks on her schedule (charity) and often turned the kids over to a nanny but tried to give a normal life to her kids and expose them to people less privileged than they. Diana was a child of divorce, close to her younger brother, was depressed and bulimic, happened to marry a guy from a tradition bound family when she was starting to find herself, why does our culture encourage women to bound themselves to motherhood and marriage before they figured themselves out as people? And we know stuff about the Windsors as a family from The Crown. 

1. “The mom is gorgeous, in clear control of her destiny, and her husband loves her even more once she becomes pregnant and the baby is born.”

2. “They are always radiantly happy when they are with their kids.” And the kids are always happy too, as it reflects well on the moms...

3. “They always look and feel fabulous--better than ever--while pregnant, because they are nutrition experts and eat exactly what they should and have the discipline to exercise regularly. No varicose veins, no dreaded ‘mask of pregnancy’, no total exhaustion, no unflattering comparisons to Weber barbecue kettles or Chris Farley. And they time their babies perfectly. Control, control, control. 

4. “Whatever your schedule, whatever institutional constraints you confront that keep you away from or less involved with your kids, it must be clear that they are your number-one priority, not mater what.” Big thing when working moms were dealing with workplace rules making it hard to be there for their children and be on top at work.

5. “There must be some human frailties, some family tragedies, some struggles or foibles that bring the celeb down a peg, make her seem a bit more like us and allow some of us to identify with her.” 

6. “The celebrity mom is fun-loving, eager to jump up and play with the kids at a moment’s notice. She’s always in the mood. She never says, ‘Not now honey. I don’t feel like it. Mummy’s tired. Mummy’s too lazy. Roller-coasters make Mummy barf.”

7. “...truly good, devoted mothering requires lavishing as many material goods on your kids as possible.” You even have to be lavish with the nursery. 

Moms of Color

When the genre found it’s boom, Celebrity Moms were mostly white and straight (except for Rosie O’Donnell and the then-closeted Jodie Foster) and many writers and editors at women’s magazine said that white women don’t want to read about black women (crushing a soda can in my hand). Then women like Whitney Houston and Gloria Estefan started having kids and magazines like Ebony have done profiles like “The New Motherhood” and “The Joys of Being A Stay At Home Mom” where educated and employable black women became housewives (no statistics offered) and yes Ebony has always done that and spotlighted activists and their families. I also want to point out that the magazine has always been socially conscious, because Police Brutality and racism are still alive, with recently black celebrities posing with their sons as a statement against the police killings of young black people.

Now Susan J. Douglas and Meredith Michaels ask: should moms of color be glad to be celebrated with this lofty pedestal or be concerned about how fragile this pedestal is? I think Jodie Landon says it all.

Why all this matters

The Celebrity Mom profile presented a narrow view of motherhood not afforded to many ordinary mothers (whether you are of color or white, working class or middle class, have many kids or just one, are religious or spiritual or atheist, stay at home or part-time or salaried) cannot live up to. Celebrity Moms have existed for a long time but when the 1980s came, that is when motherhood practically became even more of a sport or a performance about how one can be the perfect supermom and make those who feel ambivalence feel like they are terrible mothers who ate too many junk food and were always tired, and had photos with no photoshop or personal trainers or stylists. In the Reagan era, being wealthy was chic: “trickle-down” economics, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, dramas about wealthy people, ads from Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren that breathed new life into the preppy look, Merchant Ivory films focusing on wealthy people in the old days and Mommie Dearest was a bestseller on the bookshelves and the theaters that made publicists very busy. 

Also let’s talk about the beginnings of People magazine. In 1974, after market researchers for Time magazine noted that readers read the “People” section first before reading other parts of the magazine, Time-Life launched People magazine. Following was Us Weekly in 1977 and then the tabloids started doing more celebrity journalism, even local TV news magazines like Evening which gave way to Entertainment Tonight and then we heard the more serious news shows talking about celebs. Also while we were turning away from “experts” who were never moms or did diapers, we looked for role models as we needed to be role models and Celebrity moms were women who had lucrative and high-paying jobs and motherhood; they were also attractive role models as they suggested an alternative to being a frumpy or presentable-but-in-the-background or sexless has-been after having kids. Then women’s magazines started featuring more celebrities and they have before but now more so than ever. Redbook magazine, according to an anonymous employee who reported to Douglas and Michaels, said that the magazine conducted focus groups to see which celeb would sell the best: one year it was Kathie Lee Gifford, a few years later it was Meg Ryan, also headlines with words like “a tragedy” “triump” or “a secret” or a combo sold like hotcakes. This is not to suggest people working the magazines or the celebs keeping their brand were calculating cynics, just take things with a grain of salt...

What about Regular Moms?

Let’s give up for the Joan Holloways, Trudy Campbells, Betty Drapers, Karen Wheelers, Rochelle Rocks, Debbie Eagans, Tamme Dawsons, Peggy Olsons, Megan Drapers, and Joyce Byers of the world. Who while reading this piece of treacle, are dealing with unhelpful or tired or abusive husbands or having no husband, struggle with feedings and diaper changes, with loving their babies and missing their old lives, and with having a bit of weight after baby or had to fight it off and still find that things are very different. Who had their sleep disrupted after baby and spent a good chunk of their day in curlers. The Moms who felt sick, swollen, fat, gross, un-sexy during their pregnancies or even sans pregnancy, and never had that “glow”. Basically the moms doing all they can for their kids and have their own demons to exercise and are made to feel bad by their role models; some of them didn’t have role models (like their Moms don’t understand the context of their lives). 

Celebrity Mom profiles bring up the same stereotypes that plagued women like Betty Draper and Karen Wheeler: that women are all nurturing and maternal, love all children, and prefer motherhood to anything even work and are the main responsible figures. Also add the competition from consumer culture of pitting moms against moms and encouraged self-loathing in women. 

To ordinary mothers of America, those of us lacking the staff of a French chateau, and the joyful outlook that goes with it, these ceaseless profiles of celebrity moms with their perfect children and perfect lives are a rebuke, a snub, and a warning. Fail to get with the program and your kids will not make the grade, your husband won’t look at you the way he used to, and, worst of all, other mothers will see you for what you are: an unworthy loser, a bad mother. 

To all the Women stuck with the Second Shift, homeschooling, keeping the home afloat along with their careers during this Pandemic, thank you. Shout out to the Lois Foutleys working the front lines while they deal with their families and to the Helen Morgendorffers who wish they were at work (really, don’t let any “having a child is more important than a career” people make you feel bad). And to the essential workers like Joyce. 

[gyeommine]

Jealous (EXO)

“I love the jealous baekhyun and jongin. Can you pls also write Kyungsoo's? Or maybe all of the ot9? They're just really adorable. Thank u!” 

“Could you please write a jealous Yixing au too?” “I loooove your headcanons could you do the same you did for baek and jongin with chanyeol pretty please? the jealous one? thxsssssss i luv uuuu”  “i really enjoy that <jealous> things, i think it will be very cool if you write something like that for the rest of exo? have a nice day!“

thank you for the overwhelming response for the jealous au’s i did for some of EXO !  i will link the other members in the order (since i did those a while back) 

ENJOY ! <3

Suho:

(who even are you???)

he’d be one of the maturest in the group.

for you, he’d completely suck it up and just deal with it (as painful as it might be for him).

he’d also avoid being possessive, he trusts you and cares for you.

he’s also worried that you’d take his possessiveness in the wrong way.

this is why he’s such a mum-type.

although, some of the possessive traits would come out and he may snap or act a lil’ different when he’s stressed.

but romantic suho will always apologise and be the epitome of a gentleman when it comes to you.

he’d want to talk things out, tell u if he’s jealous, why he’s jealous so you guys can carry on being healthy and happy.

and also one of the most gorgeous couples have u seen this man ever?

Xiumin:

(kim minseok pls refrain woW)

shyest cuties of all cuties will probably say nothing bc doesn’t want to hurt or offend anything that breathes.

he’ll probably be a lil’ sad that he feels that way, but will try to ignore it the best he can.

but if it really does get to him, he’ll become a lot more introspective.

he’ll be always aloof or even more quiet when he’s thinking what he did or can do to improve things / his own mood.

you’ll catch him staring into space and you’ll realise something is up.

he wouldn’t get possessive tho.

he loves you a whole bunch, but would show it in other ways.

like junmyeon, he trusts you completely so wouldn’t feel the need to be possessive and will just enjoy his time w you.

Luhan:

(um wow? i have never felt so strongly for luhan)

i think he would start off sulky.

he’d be all silent and moody, until you ask him what’s wrong.

thEN, he’d be a lil’ bit of a diva.

it’d start out severe, but after a while he’d end up pouting like a little boy and you wouldn’t be able to contain your laughter.

you’d dismiss him, and explain that nobody could come between the two of you.

then, he’d lighten up, and pull you into his arms and smother you in affection.

there is a lil’ bit of possessiveness in him.

he might hold you a lil’ closer to him when he sees others staring at you but wouldn’t be outright.

it wouldn’t get to him enough for it to cause an issue, but he’s always conscious of other people.

it’s just bc he’s super proud and feels super lucky to have you.

Kris:

(these contacts are a l o o k)

he would try to act indifferent at first.

like, nobody else was bothering you, that you were his and nothing could come between the two of you.

but it would eat away at him to such a point.

he would get really frustrated at himself for having the thoughts.

but would feel really bad if he let it out on you by accident, leading to a v emotional apology.

he’s definitely really sincere, and would feel so terrible for feeling that way.

he’s quietly possessive.

like luhan, if he felt someone’s eyes lingering just a little too long for his liking, he would hold your hand a lil’ tighter.

you’d give him a questioning look, but he’d brush 

Lay:

(I MISS U LAY SWEETIE ! )

i genuinely believe it would take this sweetheart a lot to feel jealous enough to show it.

similar to xiumin, if he really felt jealous, he would hide it.

he would be better at hiding it tho 

he’d be full of smiles and warmth as normal.

i think he would be the best at shrugging off any jealousy he felt.

he could be a lil’ possessive but in an clingy, endearing way? instead of a forward way.

he’d just pout, and snuggle up to you

he’s kind of just a big, happy puppy that craves attention.

but he’s also strangely mature about it, he doesn’t feel threatened or upset by any other presence he may not like.

he’s more focused on you !

and it’s v cute pls treasure zhang yixing.

Baekhyun:

(x)

Chen:

(koko s t o p)

jongdae is another one of exo’s sweethearts so i think being jealous is a rare occasion for him also.

but i also think he would get a lil’ more agitated if he ever did feel that way.

he would tut and be more abrupt / blunt w you than normal.

but once he ‘snapped out of it’, he would feel bad.

it wouldn’t take him long to bounce back and focus on the fact he was hurting you w his behaviour.

despite that, he doesn’t strike me as the possessive type at all.

he’s one of the most chill members in that respect.

this boy doesn’t gIVE a daaamn if somebody looks at you in such a way, or if somebody tries to flirt.

bc he’s just like “yo me too” and knows that you’re great so ofc everybody else will think it.

Chanyeol:

(he can literally fight me he’s not my bias i don’t know him look at this sulky sassy bitch)

giant sulky puppy park chanyeol

okay yes, he’s normally a lively energizer 24/7 who’s bouncing.

but his love for attention, and affection in this case, makes him quite sulky when it comes to jealousy.

but he’s also a giant softie at heart.

so after blanking you for a few days bc he’s salty, he would feel so bad and miss you a whole ton.

so he’ll probably end up tearing up in his long-winded apology.

but would soon return to himself once he’d gotten over it.

also him being mahoosive means he can easily scoop you up bc of his possessive ass.

he wants to fite other ppl for looking at you but is still the boy who falls off chairs from laughing so??? (he’s too pure)

D.O:

(i fukin love his look for this comeback. ‘flawless human do kyungsoo’)

i actually think he’d be the most composed and most indifferent of all the exo members.

ik bc of his soo stare, he often gets typecast as scary guy.

but he’s pretty chill about jealousy.

he does use that stare to subtly tell people that you were off limits.

you’d never notice, since he’d turn those same eyes back to you w a gentle smile

if he’s ever jealous, he’d be blunt and just tell you how he felt.

he’d also be too shy to say anything about it public if someone was trying to make a move on you.

so would prefer to talk to you about it out of the situation.

so that ‘soo stare’ is probably just his ‘oh shit what do i do’ face

misunderstood cutie i swear

Tao:

(huang zitao that tongue stAys in ur mouth)

oh you all knew he would be the biggest diva about it.

it would definitely irritate tao more than anyone else in exo.

he’d harshly pull you away from whomever it was who was flirting w you, leaving a salty comment and a cold stare.

it would lead to a rather heated conversation.

but he would regret it straight after.

he’d make such a grand apology bc he knows he’s completely in the wrong this time.

but you know deep down it’s bc he cares and doesn’t want to lose you.

you may have to remind him that you’re not going anywhere from time to time, bc he’s a lil’ insecure about it.

but that’s a-okay! he just needs some assurance <3

nobody but him will be whisking you off your feet, trust me

Kai:

(x)

Sehun:

(ooooh u sassy lil’)

alright step back lads and lasses, the og diva is here.

the saltiest bitch™

he’s all eye rolls, loud sighs and tuts when he is jealous.

he’d make no effort to hide it, which would initially irritate you

and, like tao, it would lead to some strong words being exchanged.

it would probably lead to some stubborn silent treatment on both ends.

suho would then have to step in, tell him he’s being dumb bc you best believe he will maintain that salty attitude.

but he just really really loves u and wants you all to himself.

he just won’t admit that to you, but you know.

you both will be treated w affection after that silent treatment that reminds him that you’re not going away any time soon;)

like kai, his fiend side will come out which you’ll never forget

ik these were quite a bit shorter than the original two i did, but there’s only so much you can write for 12 ppl without it getting repetitive so bare w me <3 i also bloody enjoy exo’s new album ! love y’all.

[niamsuggitt]

The Ides Of May 2017

Hi guys! It’s that time of the month again, time for me to write a ‘lil bit about all of the various media I’ve stuffed into my gaping eye and ear-holes over the past 30 days. I would have included mouth-holes there too, but Nintendo deliberately made Switch cartridges taste horrible so unfortunately I haven’t been able to eat one. Oh well.

This month includes the return of some Sitcom favourites, more of me slowly, ever-so-slowly playing Zelda, a Booker Prize winner and a nice heap of Marvel Cinematic Universe fun.

Let’s do it!

—

Movies

Once again there’s only 2 movies this month, and whilst they are both very different, both provide quite a bit to think and talk about. Up first is Anomalisa (Charlie Kaufman and Duke Johnson 2015). This may be surprising given the types of films I normally like, but before watching Anomalisa I have to admit to not liking Charlie Kaufman as a writer. I’ve seen Eternal Sunshine, Being John Malkovich and Adaptation, and none of them resonated with me like they do for so many others. I just find him a bit… pretentious? Like he tries too hard to do different things and in the end it just obscures what he’s actually trying to say? I dunno. But much to my surprise and pleasure, I really enjoyed Anomalisa, which is different from Kaufman’s other work in that it’s animated. This stop-motion story follows a man (voiced by David Thewlis) who is on a business trip to Cincinnati. This man, Michael, sees everyone else in the world, including his wife, a former girlfriend, as the same person. They have the same face, and the same voice (Tom Noonan). That is until he stumbles across one other person who looks different, Lisa, (Jennifer Jason Leigh). It’s a complicated, dare I say, pretentious set-up, but for me it works. The animation is fantastic, incredibly detailed, and it’s used to go to places other animated films wouldn’t. This is a truly adult film, so if after Team America you wanted to see more puppet nudity and sex… I’ve got you covered. The way the technique of having everyone except Michael and Lisa be the same person works is incredibly effective and disorientating. It took about 10 minutes for me to twig it, the unease sort of snuck up on me. I said earlier that I think Kaufman’s gimmickry gets in the way of what he is actually trying to say, but that is not the case here, I think I pretty much got what the film was saying about solipsism, and how so many other films feature a ‘manic pixie dream girl’ who shakes a depressed male protagonist out of their funk. Anomalisa flips your expectations here. Lisa is not Michael’s soulmate, she’s just a blip in his mental illness. If it even is that, he might just be an asshole. That’s not to say that Lisa isn’t a well-drawn character, because she is, and Leigh’s voice acting makes her come to life. Then again, maybe this isn’t what Kaufman and Johnson are saying at all and I’m an idiot. Either way, Anomalisa is a fascinating film that has been rotating in my head since I watched it. It’s unlike anything else I’ve seen lately, and has me reconsidering my position on Charlie Kaufman. I certainly plan on watching the other film he directed, rather than just wrote, Synecdoche New York, and maybe I’ll go back to those other, older films.

Up next, I took a step away from the esoteric puppet show towards the mainstream blockbuster and into the cinema, as I went to see Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 (James Gunn 2017) which is of course (of course) the third film in the third phase of the monolithic Marvel Cinematic Universe. As is par for the course when writing about these films (and some, most, of the TV projects) I feel like I have to fully lay out a bit of bias. I love these films and just seeing these characters on screen and being done justice like this takes away a lot of my critical faculties. Problems I have with other, similar movies, I can brush aside because, hey, it’s the MCU, I trust these people. But that aside, I thoroughly enjoyed Guardians 2, and whilst I don’t think it’s quite as good as the first one, I really appreciate it’s weirdness and how much crazy Marvel Universe lore it puts out there, if only just to hint at. The film of course sees all of our favourites from the first film, Star-Lord, Gamara, Drax, Rocket and Groot return for another adventure, but this time, the stakes are far more personal, as Star-Lord meets his father, Ego, who is brilliantly portrayed by Kurt Russell. Firstly, it was just awesome to be back with these characters again, they are just so much fun. The Guardians are perhaps the MCU versions that are the most different from the originals (of course, the comics have in turn, begun to reflect the movies far more) and as such I have a different emotional attachment to them. I’m not constantly comparing Gamora to the 500 Gamora comics I’ve read in my life, I’m just invested in her relationship with Nebula, and with Star-Lord. As I mentioned, the main plot here is Peter and his father, but the script makes sure that every Guardian (except maybe Baby Groot, but he’s adorable enough that you don’t mind) has their own story. Drax forms a bond with the newcomer Mantis (who is great!), Gamora fights her sister again, but even more personally, and Rocket deals with his anger driving people away. I found myself invested in all of these storylines, and it mean that, whilst the overall plot did sag a bit in the middle of the film, I didn’t mind. I will say that I am a bit sick of people dismissing Star-Lord’s story as ‘just more daddy issues’ or something like that. I think that’s reductive, and to me, the real plotline is how much Peter Quill still cares about his mother. His love for her is what snaps him out of cosmic brainwashing, and let’s not forget that, as awesome as the classic soundtracks are, they do serve an emotional purpose, as they are his only link to Earth, and to his mum. Maybe it’s just because my mother died of cancer as well (although hers wasn’t put there by an evil Celestial, at least I don’t think it was), but if anything, this is far more of a ‘mommy issues’ movie than a daddy issues one. I mentioned the soundtrack earlier, and I will say that this particular ‘awesome mix’ was a bit of step down, with the songs either being too mainstream (Fleetwood Mac, ELO) or way too obscure. Maybe I’m asking too much, but the first movie’s track selection was just perfect, hard for lightning to strike twice I suppose. The other character I want to specially highlight is Michael Rooker as Yondu, who is just amazing here. He has real pathos behind him and makes a character I never really knew into an absolute favourite. His storyline also sees the film do something I really didn’t expect and bring in more of the ‘original’ Guardians, the ones who, in the comics, were in the future. This movie has Sylvester Goddamn Stallone in it as Starhawk and I went in without knowing! I love that Gunn hasn’t forgotten the likes of Charlie-27 and Martinex, and that a major movie can feature characters as weird as them. That’s what sets this film apart from me, it’s not afraid to get a bit odd, and to use weird elements from the source material to their full potential. A few years ago, Ego The Living Planet would be considered way too goofy for a film, but not here, here he’s Kurt Russell! Some of this is pure fan-service, but as mentioned, when it comes to these films, I don’t mind that at all. The Stan Lee cameo was amazing, the teaser in the credits for Adam Warlock blew my mind (it took me an embarrassingly long time to connect Ayesha and her golden skin to that classic cosmic character). This film’s links to the wider universe are like that, more hints. I did expect some big Thanos developments, but ultimately, I don’t mind spending 2 hours just inside these goofball’s messed-up heads. I can’t wait for Vol.3, and I hope that, when the Guardians appear in Avengers: Infinity War, they don’t lose what makes them special. This film was just a blast, it delivers more of what you want, as well as surprising you with where it goes, the best kind of sequel.

Television

There’s one new TV show for me to talk about this time out, in the form of American Gods (Starz), the long-awaited adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s 2001 novel. This is an interesting series for me adaptation-wise because, whilst I have read the book, it was a long time ago and I don’t really remember a lot of what happened. Just the basic gist really. This isn’t like Game Of Thrones or The Expanse where the source material is fresh as a daisy in my mind and I’m constantly comparing the show to what I already know. Here, I’m kind of hazy on the details and it’s a lot of fun being surprised both by what I didn’t know, and what I forgot I knew! The basic plot has barely begun, but basically, Gods are real, they live in America, they are at war, and a man named Shadow Moon (as far as I can call this dumb-ass name does have a good explanation) is drawn into their world after the death of his wife and his release from prison (on the same day). Not only is that, to me, a great intriguing premise, but it’s really elevated by some fantastic performances and amazing visual flair. One of the show’s main producers is Bryan Fuller, from Hannibal, and the opening 2 episodes where directed by David Slade, who directed a fair few episodes of that show too, so you can really tell that there’s a link in how the series looks and feels. The dream sequences and trippier moments are straight out of Hannibal, they are brilliant. There’s a sex montage in Episode 2 with Bilquis that is just insane. The performances so far have been great as well, Ian Fucking McShane is of course stealing the show as Mr Wednesday, but Ricky Whittle is really doing well as Shadow, which must be a hard role to play as he’s kind of intentionally inscrutable and a bit blank. And, if you watch nothing else, watch Orlando Jones’ monologue as Anansi that opens Episode 2. It is one of the best single scene performances I’ve ever seen, it knocked me for a loop. It’s only been 2 episodes, but this is already a fantastic, ambitious series that’s unlike anything else on TV. I can’t wait to see where it goes, and what else I can remember.

This month also saw the return of 2 of my favourite US Comedies. Silicon Valley (HBO) is back for a 4th season of tech-based misadventures. So far this season has managed to somehow feel like more of the same, but also change things up in a lot of interesting ways, as the characters move about into new situations. At the end of Season 3 it felt like we were right back to the beginning, but that wasn’t the case, as we’ve seen multiple characters leave companies, join new ones, sell companies, and all sorts of other manoeuvring. The prospect of Richard actually working with Gavin Belson is very exciting. In amongst all of these shake-ups, the characters have continued to be as funny as ever. I love how Big Head continues to fail upwards, he’s now a Professor at Stanford! And seeing Dinesh get a girlfriend is something we haven’t seen before. I’m also enjoying the increased role for Jian-Yang. Jimmy O. Yang has always been very funny in his brief scenes, but now he’s getting actual stories, which is cool. And man, Zach Woods is still killing it as Jared. He had one moment of madness in Episode 4 that had me wetting itself. At times it does feel like Silicon Valley is in a groove, but it’s such an enjoyable groove!

One series that hasn’t been afraid to get out of it’s groove is Veep (HBO), which is now in Season 6, and is a very different show this season. Of course it changed when Armando Iannucci left, but now that Selina Meyer is out of office, it’s even more different. With the character scattered all over the place, I did feel like the first one or two episodes were a bit lacking, but after that, it’s really found it’s feet and become just as funny and scathing as ever. In the wake of Trump it was going to be difficult for Veep to be the same show as it was before, so wisely it’s pivoted, it still has a lot to say about America and politics, but really, it’s become more about seeing who these characters are in new situations. I’m particularly enjoying Dan working as a TV News Anchor and Jonah as a Congressman has just been brutally brilliant, especially with Mary Holland joining the cast as his new ‘girlfriend’. It’s also interesting that the series has started to delve deeper into Selina as a character, and her backstory. She may be a bit ridiculous, but in the world of the show, she is the first ever female Vice President and the President, she is interesting. So yes, Veep has changed, but it’s still intelligent and funny and well worth watching. When real politics is as scary as it is these days, we need this magnificent bastards to laugh at.

Now for quick hits! We’ll start with comedies. LOL! LOL indeed.

The final episode ever of Girls (HBO) was a bit of an odd one, it jumped ahead to the birth of Hannah’s baby (the horrifically named Grover, and that’s a ‘Niam’ saying that) and only featured Hannah and Marnie from the main cast, out in the middle of nowhere. In a lot of ways, it was a typical Girls way for the series to end, Lena Dunham has never really done the conventional thing. I enjoyed it, particularly Becky Ann Baker’s performance. She’s always been excellent and underrated as Hannah’s mother. I will miss Girls, it was funny, different and always provoked debate, and I can’t wait to see what projects Dunham does next. As infuriating as she can be, she is very talented. How about a Dunham/Max Landis collaboration? That could destroy the internet.

I reached the end of BoJack Horseman (Netflix) Season 3, and holy shit, that was brutal. What happened to Sarah-Lynn just fucked me up. And then it’s followed up by the sublime ridiculousness of Mr. Peanutbutter’s spaghetti strainers actually being useful! That sums up BoJack for me, it can be gloriously silly and funny, but at it’s core it’s a dark series about depression and the sadness at the core of humanity (or animality, whatever). It’s one of my favourite shows ever at this point, and I am very excited for Season 4, and just where BoJack is going to go now. It’ll be bad… but also so, so good.

The Last Man On Earth (FOX) also wrapped up its 3rd season very well. Jasper has been a fun addition to the cast, and the 2-part finale in particular was a great, as the series once again upended it’s cast. Erica gave birth to her baby, but then Nuclear Reactors started going off and they had to flee. This series continues to be brilliant at balancing comedy and real dark drama, as the consequences of a post-apocalyptic world are actually thought out. The very last moment also brought Kristen Wiig in contact with the main cast, and what a way to do it.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (FOX) has continued to be very funny and strong, and one episode in particular really surprised me, as ‘Moo Moo’ became a serious examination of racial profiling in the Police Force. It’s rare that Brooklyn Nine-Nine addresses real issues, but it did it very well here, I think it should actually do more, especially in this era where the Police, in America especially, are not so popular. I don’t want it to become propaganda for the cops, but it can certainly shine a light on some real issues. As well as being dumb and funny with great actors of course.

The ‘Dreamland’ arc of Archer (FXX) is still going strong. It’s just a lot of fun to see these characters in this setting, and the storyline by itself has actually been rather arresting, with a lot of fun twists and turns. I’ve particularly liked Eugene Mirman’s performance as Cheryl’s brother. He’s delightfully creepy. Also, is Pam just a man in dreamland? Her character isn’t meant to be a woman in drag, here, she’s just a man? I kind of love that.

Oh, and I watched one more episode of Inside No. 9 (BBC Two), ‘Tom & Gerri’. It was very good, and actually managed to surprised me with the twist at the end. It was fun to see Lord Varys himself, Conleth Hill play an actually nice person, and Gemma Arterton was good too. That’s the strength of an anthology show, they can bring in really big names for just one episode.

Bridging the gap from comedy to drama is Better Call Saul (AMC) which is having an excellent third season, as it gets closer and closer to Breaking Bad territory. Not only has Gus finally appeared (with Giancarlo Esposito just as good as ever) but the whole tone of those scenes is straight out of the parent show. Episode 4, ‘Sabrosito’ barely seemed to feature Odenkirk at all. But that doesn’t mean that the series has just become Breaking Bad-lite, as the following episode ‘Chicanery’ was all courtroom stuff, and really did a fascinating job at delving into the central Jimmy/Chuck relationship. It really needs to be said again, but both Odenkirk and Michael McKean are amazing in this show, tour-de-force performances. This stretch of episodes has been a great microcosm of what makes Better Call Saul so good and basically the perfect prequel. It has plenty of links to what came before, including themes and cameos (Huell!) and camera work, but it’s also very capable of being it’s own, separate thing. So good.

The Season 2 finale of The Expanse (Sy Fy) was another strong episode in an exceptionally strong season. It was an incredibly tense episode that brought a lot of things to a head. The central plot of the Protomolecule monster being on the Rocinante tied everything together and, perhaps most importantly, brought the central crew of characters onto the same page. It’s interesting that the show isn’t precisely following a ‘1 season = 1 book’ model, and I like that, it’s allowing for things to unfold at a different pace.

The Americans (FX) is having an… interesting season. It’s still very good and all of the performances and episodes have been good, but, maybe it’s just me, but it doesn’t seem as focused as it used to, which is odd, because the writers know they only have this and next year to wrap things up. Maybe that’s actually the reason, they know they have a guaranteed 26 episodes, so can pace things differently? Either way, there doesn’t seem to be any particular driving plot, missions and side characters come and go, and whilst each individual hour has been strong, it’s not a satisfying whole. Yet. I think maybe something big is going to happen (Pacha’s suicide? Something with Pastor Tim?) that will lead to a major event in the finale. Or at least I hope so. This is a fantastic series so maybe I just have too high expectations.

Now it’s time for everybody’s favourite corner… superhero corner!

So far in iZombie (The CW) Season 3, the biggest pleasure for me has been the classic thing, seeing Rose McIver play Liv on various different types of brain. Hippie Yoga Liv, gossipy bitch Liv, Dominatrix Liv and Hot Mess Liv have all been hilarious. I really think McIver is underrated by how she manages to play so many different shades of the same person. Some of the individual cases of the week have been a bit weak, but her performance, along with the new development of Clive knowing she’s a Zombie have made it work. As for the over-arching plots, I liked the way the show revealed that Blaine had been faking his memory loss, and what that means for Major and Liv going forward. The Fillmore Graves plot has been on the back burner a bit, but you just know it’s going to explode later.

Gotham (FOX) has returned with some really great episodes and has become a show that really embraces it’s ridiculousness, and is all the better for it. Corey Michael Smith in full on Riddler mode, green suit and all, is so much fun, as is Penguin and Poison Ivy gathering an ‘Army Of Freaks’ and a goddamn clone of Bruce Wayne. I’m also really enjoying this take on the Court Of Owls, I’ve said this before, but I get an extra kick out of seeing more recent concepts like this used in other media, and so it’s awesome to see something Scott Snyder invented on TV. Gotham is dumb, but it’s the good dumb.

The Flash (The CW) revealed who Savitar was, and it was… actually satisfying. The fact that Barry (or at least a Time Remnant of him) becomes his own worst enemy is interesting, and it’s a perfect expression of the consequences of too much time-travel meddling. What I found cool was that the show followed this big, tragic reveal with a somewhat broad comedy episode where Barry lost his memories. Not only was this funny, but it showed why the show needs a bit more levity. When Barry gets too Emo, things get bad (as shown by the trip to the future, where Barry literally was Emo). I’m also really enjoying Anne Dudek’s guest role as Tracy Brand. Her chemistry with Tom Cavanaugh is a lot of fun. 2 episodes left, and I hope they continue to get the balance between drama and fun right. The Flash is one of those characters who needs to stay optimistic.

Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.LD. (ABC) has continued it’s hot-streak with more really fantastic episodes. This Hydra alternate reality arc really has been excellent. It’s allowed us to learn more about the characters, had a real impact, and also allowed the show to comment somewhat on real world political elements. It was cheap, but referring to Hydra’s ‘alternative facts’ and ‘fake news’ was great. The performances have also gone up a gear, Henry Simmons choosing to stay in the Framework was a great, although I do think that somehow they’ll use that machine to bring his daughter into the ‘real world’. Although they might be saving that for Face Turn Grant Ward. I also want to praise Iain De Caestecker, who has taken Fitz from somewhat of a comic relief character into probably the most complex person on the show. He played the ‘evil’ Fitz so well I almost feared he would still be bad once he was back. Mallory Jansen has also been very good, whether as Aida, Agnes or now Ophelia, she has played the same person in 3 very interesting ways. I can’t wait to see how this finale ends things, and to see what Season 4 brings. It feels weird to say this after the slow start, but Agents Of SHIELD is one of the better adventure shows on the air.

And finally, I finished watching Marvel’s Iron Fist (Netflix), and whilst it does have it’s share of problems and is probably the least of the ‘Defenders’ shows, I still very much enjoyed it and am excited to see more of this version of Danny Rand, particularly alongside Luke Cage. Heroes For Hire! I’m not going to re-tread the race conversation as we discussed that last time, so instead I’ll say that, as is customary, some of the episodes did drag a bit in the middle before an exciting ending, and I do think the show’s budget was a bit too low. I think that really hurt things as we never go to actually see K’un Lun or the Dragon Shou-Lou. I wanted a goddamn dragon getting it’s heart ripped out of it, is that too much to ask? I don’t think so. I also think it took way too long for Danny to realise that Howard Meachum was a bad dude, but that naïveté is intentional, and a great character bit. The performances only improved as it went on. Finn Jones is actually very convincing, and both Jessica Henwick and Tom Pelphrey were brilliant. I actually think Pelphrey’s Ward Meachum might be one of the best performances in the MCU, as he manages to make some pretty dumb plot developments work just through his performance. I did like how, by the end, things had been twisted and it was Ward who was working alongside Danny, and Joy who had become his enemy. That was unexpected and fun. Her working alongside Gao and Davos should be interesting in a second season. I did like Davos’ role later on too, Sacha Dhawan was very good, although why does someone from K’un Lun sound so Mancunian? I admit it, I am an MCU mark, but Iron Fist really isn’t that bad, if you give it a chance, it is well worth it, and can only improve. Look, it took Agents Of SHIELD 3 years to get good, I think sometimes we need to appreciate that.

Music

There’s only one album this time out, but it’s kind of a big deal, as Gorillaz are back with their first album in 7 years, Humanz (Parlophone/Warner Bros. 2017). Now the Gorillaz are pretty significant band for me, their eponymous debut was one of the first CDs I bought from myself and I must have played that and Demon Days hundreds of times. Plastic Beach had less of an impact, and I don’t think I’ve actually listened to The Fall. So I’m kind of a lapsed fan, however this particular hype train, and the idea that this was some kind of politically vital and contemporary record brought me back in, and I bought the album, hell, I got the deluxe edition! After listening to it a few times, it’s pretty good, but a lot of that hype is way over-blown. There’s nothing here that’s particularly timely, it’s just the usual Gorillaz mix of interesting backing beats, fantastic guest contributors and Damon Albarn getting to experiment. That’s not a bad thing, but I think I went into it expecting something truly game-changing. That’s probably more on me than Gorillaz though. As I said, the guest stars on here are fantastic, I particularly like Vince Staples on ‘Ascension’, Grace Jones on ‘Charger’ and Benjamin Clementine on ‘Hallelujah Money’, those are great tracks. It’s also a lot of fun to try and spot Noel Gallagher on ‘We Got The Power’. How crazy is it that Albarn and Gallagher are on the same song? Britpop Hell has frozen over. So yeah, this album is decent, but as is probably par for the course with Gorillaz, the ideas and concepts around it are more interesting. The idea of all of these artists reacting to Trump (or not Trump, an un-specified huge event) is great, but the end result isn’t that amazing. I say par for the course, because what’s always appealed most about Gorillaz isn’t just the music, but the whole package, the artwork from Jamie Hewlett, which is fantastic. I think I like the artwork in the leaflet more than the album! Gorillaz are a unique project, and I’ll always appreciate them, but I think I want more than just cool artwork and weird samples from my music at this stage.

Books

2 books this month. I think my reading pace has slowed down a bit, not sure why. Hmm, anyway, I started the month with the last 100 pages or so of Jonathan Wilson’s Angels With Dirty Faces (2016). The history of Argentinian Football got pretty much up to date, as Wilson gets up to the current era of Messi, Aguero, Tevez, Higuain etc. It was pretty much I thought it would be, as the Argentinian domestic game has been basically ruined by all of the best players moving to Europe. What I didn’t know was the state of hooliganism and fan violence in Argentina, which was surprising, and also the continued political links in the game. The fact that the Argentinian government owns the broadcasting rights to league football and uses it for propaganda purposes is very unique, and I would have liked more exploration of that. Imagine if Theresa May was on Match Of The Day or something, At least we know Corbyn is an Arsenal fan. Overall, the end of the book lived up to the rest of it, this was a very readable, informative history of a fascinating subject and culture. Argentina’s national identity is inextricably linked with it’s football, and now, I feel like i understand that country so much more.

After this, I got my fancy literature on, as I read the winner of the 2016 Man Booker Prize, The Sellout (2015) by Paul Beatty. Only this isn’t the kind of novel you’d really expect to win such a lofty, some would say wanky, prize. It’s an incredibly dark satire of American Race relations, and it’s actually very funny. The plot sees an unnamed African-American man (he’s only referred to as ‘Me’, which I think is his surname (So his name is like ‘Dave Me’ or ‘Tom Me’ or something) who somewhat accidentally brings back both segregation and slavery to the LA suburb he lives in. It’s an insane premise, but it works, and Beatty’s witty writing carries it through even the largest logic leaps. Much like with last month and ‘Get Out’, I don’t feel like I can fully parse a lot of the more caustic racial elements, being a white non-American, but it was shocking at times, and certainly made me look at certain things differently. I would be interested in reading some of Beatty’s other books, he has a unique sense of humour. I will say that I didn’t really laugh out loud at reading this, like many of the blurbs did, but then I’m struggling to think of many books that did make me LOL. I just don’t do it, even with comics. I think seeing something written down elicits a different reaction in me. More of a wry smile, or an ‘oh, that’s funny, I get that’ than actually laughing. The Sellout comes close though! Maybe literary prizes aren’t so bad…

Games

As mentioned in the intro, I’m still making my way rather slowly through The Legend Of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild (Nintendo Switch 2017). I need to carve more time out to play it, but video games, even ones as good as this, are still bottom of my entertainment list. I only really play it when  I have nothing else to watch, read or listen to. As of now, I’ve finally got off the Great Plateau and am in the wider world of Hyrule, and man, it is intimidatingly big. That sense of freedom to do what you want can be both very freeing, but also kind of freezing. I can’t decide where to go, so in the end I don’t really go anywhere. Does that make sense? I’ve just been wandering around and not really advancing the plot. But still, this is an incredibly good game, the look of it is so beautiful, and it’s even more so after the Plateau. I think that is what’s holding me back from playing more, because it looks so good on the big TV, I’m not putting the Switch’s handheld mode to use to play when someone else is using it. The controls are just that level of intuitive that, for me, only Nintendo can reach. The Joycons on the Switch are bit flimsy, but after while, I’m used to it. I’m of two minds on what to do next video-game wise. I really want to pick up Mario Kart 8, especially because my girlfriend wants to do multiplayer,  but can I justify it when I’ve barely scratched the surface of Zelda?

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That’s it! Just an addendum for you, after writing that last bit about the Switch and whether I should by Mario Kart… I went and ordered it on Amazon. So expect something about that next week. I also bought La La Land, so you’ll get to read my lukewarm take on that film on or near June 15th. I’ll probably be lame and quite like it, that’s the kind of person I am, I can never bring myself to truly hate things like the rest of the internet. Anyway, I’ll see you then! Hopefully we’ll be living under a Labour Government by then.